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#and that youre a waste of space and that no one is saying that but they all know it too
bunnys-kisses · 3 days
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retired!price liked that you had daddy issues. aw, did someone not have a functioning relationship with their father as a child and now has to find that relationship in older men? aw, poor doll. price was more than okay with being called 'daddy' as long as you called him 'captain' too, especially when you were on your knees. while you got off to having an older man praise you, he got off to a pretty little thing calling him captain. you even went as far as to worship his strong physic, how easily he could bend, flip, turn and press into you.
didn't help that your pussy became a fixation for him.
he was close to fifty, his hip had a habit of locking from time to time. he had been hearing about it for years that it was time to have a family. even simon had managed to make a family, price was still hung up on young tail that he could bully his fat cock into. while most younger women were flavours of the week with no string attached. price made sure to attach every metaphorical string onto you. he had a copy of your apartment key. he added a profile for you on his streaming services. he knew on wednesdays you enjoyed pasta, but hated cooking on the weekend. he knew everything about his precious baby girl. you folded into his praise and always were eager to please. and that was what price loved about you. so imagine his shock (anger) when you told him that you thought you'd have to end your arrangement because you met a guy at your university. and when he asked why, you simply said, "i have to grow up at some point.", and that hit price in the head like an ice pick. if you wanted to grow up so badly, baby girl. there were other ways to do it.
the broken condom held weight in price's pocket while you had few drinks during your last 'date' together, he waited till you got all soft because of the wine. till you were on his side of the booth with your leg over his lap and your face pressed against his bicep. you ran your hand across his chest and giggled, "you're taking this whole break up thing so well." and he petted your head, watching you fold into him further, "like you said, you need to grow up." but you both had different definitions of 'growing up'. for you it meant getting over you daddy issues, but to him it was making him a daddy, for real. you giggled further while he gave you another glass of wine. when you tried to say no, he simply pushed it closer to you, "don't want to waste the bottle." and so easily you were in price's grip.
price took you three times that night. first was in the backseat of his expensive car. he pressed you into a corner, claimed that he needed more space for his larger body. your hazy vision was transfixed on the glimmer of his gold chain against his hairy chest in the low light. your poor body bent in such ways while he pace was relentless. he admired your unsteady gaze and your heavy breathing. he continued to move against you with such a pace that the whole car rocked. but don't worry, the parking lot was dead at that hour. you could scream your head off and no one would hear either of you. he did however put a tear in your panties. right in the crotch area. he sighed and said that he'd need to buy you something a little. while he loved the cheap pairs you owned, he thought his woman deserved something a little nicer. the future mrs. price needed to look next to perfection.
then he fingered you heavily in his bed and watched you squirm. he had to make sure every drop got deep enough before he bullied your sweet pussy once more. he loved the sight of you, still so fucked out from prior. you were in a daze in the car ride home. your breathing was heavy when he pushed the skirt of your dress up a little and teased your cunt while he drove. only to go further once you were naked on his bed. he watched your ass jiggle with each of his power thrusts while he took you from behind. he felt like a mad man while he fucked you. he was determined. he only got to where he was in his career because of grit and determination. he wouldn't back down to a challenge, especially when the stakes were so high. your pussy need to be bred, you needed to be with price. he never wanted to hear anything about another man ever again. price would hate to take drastic measures if another man tried to get in his way. if you needed a collar or a tattoo, the taste of his cum constantly your lips or leaked into your panties, price would do it all to ensure that you were his. the most effective way to ensure that was what kept him going through two rounds of sex without any pains. to get you pregnant. you had already forgotten about the broken condom, it still was in price's pocket! no use using it now, even bother giving the illusion that he wasn't breeding you.
the third time was when you tried to leave the next morning, he had you upside down on the bed. your bottom half on the mattress while all the blood rushed to your head as you tried not to fall on your head. price put bruises on top of bruises. your poor cunt was creamy with promises of the future. a future with him. the blood rush made you cum twice on his cock, adding fresh slick to his coated cock. you thought that older men were supposed to slow down with age. but it felt like price was even quicker than before. his pace brutal, almost like punishment for trying to leave him. but price didn't get to be captain because he followed one plan. he was going to ease you into married life, slowly make you the perfect woman for him. he was traditional that way. church wedding, the white dress, the vows. that would all happen, but might take a little longer. he wasn't too sure that a baby bump would fit nicely in a wedding dress. the thought of you pregnant, trapped to him made him eagerly finish in you two times. and when he got you back up onto the bed, you were fucked out. when you managed to collect your clothes and stagger out of his flat by mid-afternoon, you thought you made it in time to the pharmacy to get emergency plan b.
you prayed, and you never prayed. you promised three versions of 'god' that you'd convert to their religion if the pill worked. but three deities failed you and a month later price was in your apartment with his hands on the plastic pregnancy test. he scratched his beard and looked at you. he tried so hard to put on his best acting face. "that's a real shame, baby girl." he said in that rough voice of his that got you in trouble in the first place. he leaned back a little in your kitchen chair and placed the test back down on the table, "always wanted to be a father." he frowned a little bit, "never got the chance too. they said when i retired that the chances were low of me havin' a baby..." he looked at you. you should've known he was lying. his swimmers obviously weren't shot by how easily you got pregnant. you felt bad, almost like you were burdening him with getting pregnant. that it was your fault. you rung your hands and admitted softly, "we can try... we can make a family." and price smiled, "oh, doll." then got up to embrace you. you sniffled and cried a little in his strong chest. he held you in his strong arms. he was your protector even though his cock was straining in his jeans at the knowledge that he fundamentally changed you.
your body, your life, everything. when he released you from the hug, he got down on his knees. made a point to make a small 'huff' noise from being down on his 'bad' knee before he pushed up your t-shirt and pressed a kiss against your stomach. he said to you, "don't worry, love. daddy'll take care of ya." then gave that smile that wrapped around you like a vice. <3
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lw77 · 1 day
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Diet Pepsi 💈 (LSxMV)
Chapter 1. - Angel
Max wants more than just a sub.
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Who knew helping his dad at the shop would become his own personal brand of torture. He knew his dad had regulars, but he thought they’d be – old men regulars not whatever these chippendale escapees were. 
Apparently they’re contractors, who look like every middle-aged woman’s fantasy. Including Logan’s. 
And like clock-work, the group of men enter, a few heading to the drinks and some to his mom’s home-made subs. He hears Danny’s loud laugh, followed by Charles snickering as they tease their other colleague, George, Logan’s mind helpfully supplies, as he shows them something on his phone.
Logan wonders where the other one is, Max, all ruddy cheeks, bright blue eyes and big arms, who’s sadly amiss as he looks towards the floor. 
It’s embarrassing really, how at twenty-one Logan is like a school boy with a crush. If he ever confessed all the things he’s thought, fantasised about or, God, he inwardly groans, dreamt since seeing that man, it would have his Priest drowning him in holy water. 
A tap at the counter knocks Logan out of his thoughts, as he sees Danny in front of him ready to cash out. Like he knew what was going through Logan’s head, Danny’s smile stretched wider, “What’s wrong Logie boy, you disappointed it's just us today?” 
Logan squeaks as he’s caught out, face aflame, “No idea what you’re talking about, um– will that be all?” gesturing to the stack of subs and drinks Danny’s placed on the counter. 
“I think you doooo Logie boy.” Danny croons winking, as Logan speeds up his scanning before Danny can say anything else. It doesn’t stop the man from resting his forearms on the counter and wiggling his eyebrows.
“You’re awful, I’m telling my mom not to make any more of her salami subs.” Logan whines, trying to threaten Danny’s favourite sub away in hopes of ending his teasing. 
Danny smiles cheekily in response, “Your mother loves me, she would never do that” as he taps his credit card on the reader. 
Putting the items in plastic bags, “Maybe I’ll just throw them all away then.” Logan says petulantly. Taking the bags from Logan, “Oh come on Logie boy, that would just be wasteful. Now don’t you worry, he’ll be back next week!” Danny shouts with one last wink as he heads out. 
It’s loud enough that Charles and George, who were still hanging by the front, look up and laugh as if they know exactly who Danny is referring to. It makes Logan let out an embarrassed “Danny” as he hears the group’s laughter continue out the store. 
_______________________
Logan is snug in their usual booth, waiting for Alex and Oscar to return with their first round. They’re celebrating Alex’s new job tonight.
“Alright, two pitchers of beer for us and a Sommersby cooler for the princess!” Oscar announces loudly as he sets down their drinks. Logan snatches the cooler and pulls it closer.
“Oh, come on, Logie bear. You know we’re just teasing you,” Alex says, only making Logan scowl more.
“Seriously, what’s gotten into you this week? Did your mom accidentally sew up your fuck-me jeans again or something?” Oscar asks, furrowing his brows in genuine curiousity.
Logan groans and sinks further into his seat. “No, worse.”
“Did she try to set you up with one of her awkward co-op students again?” Alex asks.
Sitting up, Logan protests, “Okay, that was one time! Checo was sweet—he just had really sweaty hands.” Realizing how pitiful that sounds once he says it, he rests his head against the booth's cushion.
Alex and Oscar sit in silence, giving him space to finally share what’s bothering him.
“You know those hot regulars my dad has? The Chippendale escapee contractors? Danny Ricc—you know him, Alex.” Leaning in, Logan hisses, “Well, they definitely know I’m into their friend or colleague, whatever he is.”
“Yeah well, Logan, you’re not exactly subtle. It’s pretty obvious you’ve got a crush on that guy,” Oscar replies, in an all too annoyingly factual tone, Logan decides.
“And your pupils get huge dude when you like someone. There’s no hiding your attraction buddy,” Alex adds, raising his hands in surrender.
“Oh my god, how am I going to face him now that I know his friends know? Meaning, he knows too. So mortifying,” Logan says, fully aware he’s whining when they’re supposed to be celebrating Alex. “Sorry, I’ll snap out of it… or I’ll move out of town.” He says the last part a little too seriously for his friends.
“Anyway, that’s my week. Now—Alex, come on, tell us about the job! The floor is yours.” Logan gestures with a flourish.
Alex and Oscar share a look. “I got hired to consult as an architect.”
Logan perks up and excitedly congratulates Alex, asking where. “At Danny Ric’s company—your favorite!”
“Oh my god, you’re going to be a part of the Chippendale escapees?” Logan squeals, both hands slammed on the table as he leans over in excitement.
Oscar, observing the scene then asks, “Time for a cheers then?”
“To Alex joining the Chippendale escapees!” they cheer, clinking their beers and can together.
“Oh my god, you’re going to work with Max. Alex, you love me, right? You’ll tell me if he ever talks about me, or if he says I’m cute?” Logan continues, getting even more embarrassing. Oblivious to the widening eyes of Alex and Oscar as they glance behind him.
“…Oh my god, he came in muscle tee a few weeks ago and I just wanted to bite his biceps because they looked so big and they are so big—”
“Ow! What the hell, Oscar? We use our words now.” Logan admonishes, bending in his seat to rub where he got kicked. But he freezes as he hears a familiar laugh. Looking up, he sees Danny standing by their table, amused, and oh god, Max, arms crossed and wearing an equally amused expression.
Now looking no better than his best friends, Logan’s eyes are wide, his face is scarlet, and his mouth hangs open in shock as he realizes they must have heard everything—or at least enough. Maybe he can learn to love Checo’s moist, moist, hands because Mexico is definitely far enough.
“Hey, boys, didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. Just came over to congratulate our dear little Alex on joining the company! Our youngest yet!” Danny sings, wiping a tear for dramatic effect.
Meanwhile, Logan, snapping out of his deer-in-headlights look, is now studiously examining the table varnish, hoping the two men forget his earlier soliloquy over the other's (big) arms.
Good-naturedly, Alex invites Danny and Max to join them in the booth, leaving Logan pressed arm to leg against Max, his best friend completely uncaring of Logan’s gay panic.
Logan starts drinking from his can, hoping to avoid any conversation. But before long, Danny, Alex, and Oscar finish the two pitchers and decide they need to get the next round. Logan’s eyes widen as he mentally pleads, *Don’t leave me alone.* But both Oscar and Alex blissfully ignore him.
Staring at his drink as if it's the most interesting thing, Logan catches a glimpse of Max turning his way.
“Heard you missed me at the store.”
Logan looks at him, feeling his cheeks flush. As Alex pointed out earlier, his attraction to Max is probably written all over his face.
“I—um, no, just wondering where you all were,” he stutters, wetting his lips. “Not just you.” He leans back against the wall as Max essentially cages him in the booth, one arm resting on the back and the other bent on the table. Max’s body warmth and sandalwood cologne envelop Logan, blanketing his senses. Max’s gaze drops to Logan’s lips, a small smirk playing on his face, "Really?" he prompts, "Ye-yeah" Logan breathes out, Max's eyes flick up to Logan's at his answer and his lips break into a smile as he replies simply “Okay, if you say so.”  And, all too soon, he leans back, creating some space as the sounds of the bar filter in again, grounding Logan, feeling like he must be in heaven with Max so close.
Clearing his throat as Danny and the others join the table, Logan sits up, gratefully accepting a new can from Oscar, who gives him a knowing look while subtly elbowing Alex. Now both friends are watching him with knowing smiles, taking in his flushed cheeks and wide eyes.
Logan glares back but falters when he feels a big hand settle just above his knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. He realises he’s being asked a question. “Oh—I'm sorry, what?” he asks, confused, snapping his gaze to Max. 
It’s Danny, looking past Max with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He repeats his earlier question, fully aware of why Logan is distracted. “I asked if you’re excited to see your best friend every day now. Since your mom’s subs are legendary. And essential to a good work day”
Logan’s disbelief drips from his tone as he asks, “Even if all we have is the veggie one, Danny?” He raises his eyebrows for added effect.
Danny crosses his hand over his heart dramatically. “Even the veggie one, Logie boy! Although some of us come for the service too.” He finishes with a sidelong glance at Max.
Max, whose relaxed against the booth with his body still angled toward Logan and a comfortable hand resting on Logan’s thigh from when he squeezed it earlier to get his attention. At Danny’s insinuation, Max looks down at Logan, a small smile tugging at his lips as he gives Logan’s thigh another gentle squeeze, this time higher up, and shrugs.
The warmth from Max's touch sends a flutter through Logan's stomach, mingling with a simmering feeling in his chest that he can’t quite identify.
Thankfully, Logan is saved from responding as Oscar pulls Danny’s attention away, asking what project they’ll be starting on.
In the most teasing tone he can muster despite his fluster, he whispers, “So, service?” Looking up at Max from beneath his eyelashes.
Max leans in closer, his voice low. “You’re not the only one who's been looking, Angel.”
Logan’s face heats up further. The nickname doesn’t help his battle against arousal or the realisation that he was not subtle at all.
He blinks as he responds with a soft “uh-huh,” nodding his head, his mind feeling like cotton from their proximity and Max’s admission of mutual attraction.
Max’s gaze drifts to Logan’s lips just as Logan nervously bites his bottom lip. He’s on the verge of saying something—or maybe hoping for something more—when a cough interrupts them, making both of them look up at a smirking Danny.
“While the image of you two is a relief, we have to head back. Poker night! We just had to stop to congratulate you, Alex, on joining us.”
Logan, embarrassed by Danny’s comment, groans into his hands, while Alex thanks Danny brightly. Glancing at Danny, as he waits for Max, he leans into Logan’s ear, whispering, “See you tomorrow, Angel,” and with one last squeeze to Logan's thigh he’s out of the booth and heading for the door behind Danny. Leaving Logan bright red, his arousal flashing like a stop sign, and his two best friends laughing at his expression.  
Unhelpfully, Alex says, “Guess this means you don’t have to skip town anymore.” To which Oscar shouts, “Hear! Hear!” Logan can’t help but giggle, his embarrassment fading as he nods in agreement.
Chapter 2 of Diet Pepsi- Here
Author's note: So I listened to Diet Pepsi by Addison Rae and I just kept seeing buff/fit Max (white t-shirt, gold cross in blue jeans) and Logan vm baby boy/angel and big blown out eyes and parted lips when Max comes into his dad's store with his co-workers/friends. (i was going for a lil age diff but mostly size difference)
also i was gonna make it hotter but its like jesus had a hand on my shoulder as i got to it. maybe next chapter
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salemlunaa · 5 hours
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✰THE DUALITY OF A “BETTER CURRENT REALITY”✰
the two, very different sides to this conversation ༄
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Upon making my post about getting uncomfortable in your current reality to achieve your dreams (specifically my “Oh well i’m gonna shift anyway” post) a lot of people really loved it, it resonated with them and really woke them up, but there was a small amount that didn’t agree with what i said, so i will say this, there are two sides to making a “better version” of your current reality, so let’s dissect!
1. it can be draining and waste your energy
2. it can actually be really helpful for a clearer mindset
let’s go deeper into these two opinions
✰✰✰✰✰
1. it can be draining and waste your energy
In some cases a “better current reality” showed a low self esteem for people. It showed that instead of people going straight to having their dreams they made and scripted for a better version of the reality that they hate so much changing smaller aspects, when they could put this energy into changing their whole world. And that is especially for my permashifters and respawners, making a better version of your plain old current reality when you could use that time to apply knowledge to shift consciousness to your dreams showed that you didn’t think you were capable of materialising your desires all in one go.
my advice to these people: work on your confidence and stop beating around the bush, procrastination isn’t cute, and you are so so capable and so so deserving of doing this all in one go, my love💋
2. it can actually be really helpful for a clearer mindset
However, it is important to consider that not everyone has goals to permanently leave their current reality and respawn. Some people have multiple drs and see their current reality as a “base”, more or less, and that, i think, is more than fine. Some permashifters and respawners make “better versions” of their current for a clearer mindset, it needs to be understood that some people’s current reality /old story can be filled with such horrible circumstances to the point where they aren’t in a position to apply their knowledge. In these cases a “better version” of their current reality can give people the mental space and confidence to actually apply what they know.
my advice to these people: don’t spend to much time on this, i understand if this is needed, but remember the prize💋
and i feel like in this community your opinion on “better crs” will either be one or the other, and the other one may not make sense to you but, it's not your opinion, therefore it doesnt have to make sense, you dont have to reply to comments and make thinkpieces to sell your beliefs, that's something i hate about this community because it's so unnecessary and draining. not everyone is gonna have the same beliefs as you…
which is why this post is also an appreciation post to my lovely, beautiful moots (and also other people on this app with decorum) because although you may not always agree with me, you are always so respectful and open to listening and for that, i will always reciprocate that energy 💋
do what you must with this info on current realities, but remember the prize here, folks and STOP WASTING TIME!! 🦒💋
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Dad's Bestfriend:
18+ (Implied Smut)
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Pairings: (DP3 Vers.) DBF! Logan Howlett x Reader
Summary: After Wade insisted Logan make some friends, he had met your father- a local brewer. With the common interest of beer, Logan found himself friends with your father. And while at your father's apartment, you show up, sending Logan into quite the spiral. This takes place over a time span of a few months.
Warnings: Dads best friend logan, x reader, implied smut (therefore 18+), self-deprecation from logan, swearing, obsessed logan, reader is 19.
Genre: Pure and utter angst. Implied smut at the end.
Word Count: 1,918.
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Logan had met your father a few weeks ago after Wade's insistence he get out of the apartment. No doubt Wade wanted Logan to get some pussy, but he'd much rather settle for a friend over a meaningless moment with a woman who'd barely understand what he'd need. If Logan had known that meeting a brewer would mean sitting on the man's couch while his daughter asked for help with her car...Logan would've made sure to stay far away from the brewer.
"Hey, dad?" You asked, entering the living room, a frown on your lips.
"Hm?" Your father looked up at you, sipping at his beer.
"My car started making a weird noise yesterday, I was wondering if you could help me take a look?" With a nod, your dad had set his beer down and gathered the supplied for your car. It was only after your dad moved did you see the man in a white shirt and denim jeans. Logan watched your eyes widen slightly at the sudden revelation of him. He had no idea how to react, should he say hi? His lips thinned slightly but before he could murmur a greeting, you spoke first. "Hey, I'm-..." He spaced out the rest of your greeting, too distracted by how quickly your laid-back attitude became one of shyness. Logan watched your hands fiddle with each other, your hoodie sleeved covered in oil and grease from when you no doubt tried to fix your car by yourself.
It had been at least a month since your first introductions, and each time your father and Logan hung out, you always had some excuse to show up. "My car. My bank. I got extra food and was wondering...." Were some of the excuses you used when you'd randomly show up at your fathers' door in an outfit that was much more eye catching than the last. Some days it was a dress, or a pair of jeans, or a skirt. Logan's favorite was when you'd show up in your gym clothes, though. He loved how your scent mixed with dried sweat as it wafted into the building. Logan found himself deeply inhaling your scent as much as he could before you'd eventually leave. He was certain he'd be able to pick you out of a crowd with just a smell.
A few months later, Wade had discovered your existence after your father flashed a photo of you to him and Logan, a proud smile on his lips.
"Aint my girl smart?" Your dad was fishing for complements about you. He knew you were smart, he just wanted to show his friends his daughter that, at the ripe age of 19, was slowly making a name for herself in her chosen career field. After yapping about you for a minute, your father had excused himself to the bathroom. Wade took the opportunity to flash a knowing grin to Logan.
"I see why you like this new friend of yours so much."
Logan found himself scowling, nose scrunching, as he recalled Wade's smug ass grin. How dare he insinuate he stayed in your father's company for any other reason than enjoyment. He sat in the seat at a ridiculously fancy bar, hidden by shelves and customers, as he watched you seated at a table- wearing the nicest dress he's seen you wear- across from a man who told you about his life aspirations. You seemed engaged with the conversation, but Logan could sense the boredom behind your chipper eyes. If he was at that table with you, you wouldn't be bored. Hell, he wouldn't even have taken you here. It was a waste of money, and for what? To appear wealthy? Logan knew you wouldn't order anything but a salad anyway. You were a damned rabbit when it came to greens. Logan once watched you eat an entire by yourself in one sitting all because 'It tastes good.'
His scowl only deepened when he saw the man's hand slide across the table, moving towards yours. Logan had to physically restrain himself from storming over there and yanking that man away from you. How dare he have the audacity to touch you. Logan's fists clenched against the bar top, turning a searing white as he felt anger well in him. But it wasn't just anger coursing through his veins. It was shame, and guilt. It would be wrong of him to interrupt your date; to take you home and never let you leave his arms. Logan knew it was wrong, because you were too young. 19, for god's sake. Too sweet, too innocent, too pure. That didn't stop the temptation to take you for his own, to ruin you and mark you as his. It didn't stop his growing feelings for you. Logan watched as you smiled at the man across form you, it was a kind smile. One Logan wished you would flash his way just one more time.
Your date walked you home, Logan not too far behind. He told himself he was just making sure that nothing bad happened. Your father would be heartbroken if his little angel got hurt, after all. As a mutant who can keep you safe, it was Logan's responsibility to make sure his friend's daughter wasn't ever hurt. However, when your date leaned in to press a kiss to your lips, you leaned back, head turned to the side, so he'd kiss your cheek instead.
Logan felt time freeze when your eyes landed on him, confusion clear in your eyebrows as they furrowed. His gaze shifted from you to the man pressing a kiss to your cheek. Logan felt his jaw clench at the sight, at the audacity. He took a threatening step forward. Sensing the growing tension of a possible altercation, you murmured something to your date as he pulled away. Logan's heightened hearing caught the ending of an apology. As your date walked away, Logan made his way to you, nose scrunched in disapproval.
"What would your father say? Dating a scum bag like that." He spoke cruelly.
"He wasn't a scum bag." You defended your date because even if he wasn't your type, he was still a nice guy. Logan scoffed with a roll of his eyes.
"Sure he wasn't."
"Logan."
"...."
"What're you even doing here?" You sighed after a minute of silence, gesturing for him to follow you into your apartment. Logan shut the door behind him as he followed you in.
"I was in the area."
"No, you weren't." You could smell the alcohol on him, so you raised an eyebrow at him. When he didn't respond, you walked over to him, taking a deep whiff of him. "You smell like expensive, overcompensating liquor and flowers that should be out of season." The exact smell of the restaurant you were at. He silently hoped you'd stay beside him a little longer.
Logan released an annoyed huff about getting caught. He watched as you rolled your eyes in annoyance before slipping away from him and towards the kitchen.
"If my dad set you up to this Logan-"
"He didn't." Logan was quick to interject as he followed after you.
"Then why're you here?" You snapped, guilt immediately following it. "Logan, I'm not a kid, I don't need to be looked after." You sighed softly; it was exhausting always being seen as this child that couldn't do anything for yourself while also being told that you're an adult and you 'need to grow up.'
"I know." Was all Logan could get out. He felt so ashamed for following after you on your date. He knew you were too young for him. How could a sweet, beautiful, kind, young thing like you ever be interested in a fuck up like him?
"Have you eaten yet?"
Logan didn't respond, only looking up to see your cold gaze had softened. He shook his head with a grunt, watching as you moved towards your fridge.
"All I've got is a frozen peperoni pizza, is that alright?" You asked, pulling the frozen pizza from your freezer. You cast your gaze behind him, head titled as you waited for a response. Logan felt a lump form in his throat as he nodded. You were making him food? You were supposed to be mad at him, he practically stalked you! He treated you like a child! He....-
"Logan." Your voice broke him from his thoughts. "It's going to take like 18 minutes, okay?"
Logan nodded; it was all he could get out.
Sighing softly, you shook your head, "Look, I'm going to go change. Feel free to make yourself comfortable." You began to walk away, moving past Logan who was quick to grab your wrist.
"Wait."
Confusion filled your face once again as you turned to look at him, your eyes gliding from his hand on your wrist to his eyes. "What...?"
Logan's lips pursed as he thought of something, anything, to say. He had never been very good as expressing his emotions, no matter how much he wanted to try. He wanted to tell you how beautiful you looked, how he always thought you were beautiful. Logan wanted to tell you that he was scared of saying that he found himself wanting your attention. Of the guilt and shame, he felt because of your age gap. He begged you to understand how much he felt for you. How whenever you walked into the room, his breath caught in his throat. How ever since he met you; he hasn't been able to think of anything else but you. How he imagines your hands hugging him, of your lips kissing him, of holding you while you binge watched those movies you loved. He knew so much about you, just from watching you, but he wanted you to tell him this stuff. He wanted you to tell him why your favorite desert was crème brûlée. He wanted to see the bright expression on your face as you described your favorite things.
He wanted to fall in love with you.
The two of you remained there, hand on wrist, invisible barrier between the two of you. One move and the relationship you built would be ruined. The divide that labeled you as 'daughter of his friend' and 'dads' friend' would be ruined. Logan didn't care, his jaw clenched as he tried to figure out what to say. He crashed his lips to yours, it was rough, desperate, filled with longing for you to understand what he was trying to say. Please, was the most prominent feeling you could sense in the kiss. Please, love me.
Time froze around you, eyes wide as you tried to decipher the situation. However, it began to pick up once you decided. Your hands wrapped around his neck, holding him close as his slipped around your waist. The desperate, longing kiss turned into a soft, gentler version, as if he was relieved that you had reciprocated his advance. Logan could feel the tension in his body relax just slightly, it was a dream, it had to be. But your hand raking through his hair, your other one cupping his face, it told him it was reality. He would savor this moment. Logan would relive it for forever as he pulled soft, needy whimpers from your lips throughout the night. He was determined to treasure you, to shower you with love.
"I'm yours." Your voice floated through the air; the last words spoken for the evening.
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cntloup · 17 hours
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Nanami x reader fluff, slight angst, hurt/comfort, reader is having a hard time but the reason is not mentioned
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"Ken, I think I just need some time to myself." you state after his unrelenting implores that you talk to him.
he always disliked not communicating whenever either of you feel down or something is bothering you, but he always respects you when you say you need some space.
you swallow the lump in your throat that probably formed out of guilt? maybe, you think.
but he never made you feel guilty. on the contrary, he always made sure that you felt at ease and comfortable with him.
it's just that you hate not talking to him about your feelings. you hate that you don't know how to do that. you try so hard to form the words, but they never come out. they always fail you.
"ok. just come to me if you need me. for anything, alright?" he asks to make sure you know that he's there for you. always.
"alright..." you respond in a breathy voice and leave the room, albeit hesitantly, but you know that you need to keep your distance for now. you don't really feel like talking and you're afraid to hurt him if you do.
you walk into the backyard and take a seat on the swing that you both made one afternoon out of boredom.
you smile to yourself as the memories come back to you in a flash.
you sit there just thinking about anything and everything, trying to clear your head beneath the indigo sheet of the night, the stars hung and blinking before your curious eyes.
you step back into the house after some time and find Kento on the couch, his eyes glued to the TV showing some cheesy soap opera, but you know his mind is somewhere else by his expression, eyebrows knitted in deep thought and his look distant.
you know him too well to know that his mind is filled with thoughts of you right now, wondering about how you're doing and what's bothering you. he always worries about you.
you make your presence known, "Ken..." you call out softly and sit beside him.
you waste no time to wrap your arms around his torso and rest your chin on his shoulder.
he comes back to reality by your sweet voice and tender touch, "hey, darling." he turns to you, showing his lovely smile that you fell in love with a long time ago.
"i did some thinking and i'm ready to talk now... also i'm sorry." you mention after some time of staring into each other's eyes.
"that's good, honey." he starts, "but what are you sorry for?" he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.
"for not talking and being distant. i hate to do that to you." you reply sincerely and he smiles once again, taking your hand in his and bringing it to his lips.
"you did nothing wrong, sweetheart. everyone needs their alone time every once in a while." he speaks in his ever loving tone as his lips brush against your skin, "just know that there's always someone who you can rely on. with absolutely anything you need."
and you can't help but tear up a bit at his sweet words. he always had a way of making you emotional and fall for him all over again.
you don't hesitate to kiss his lips as soon as the words leave his mouth, making him chuckle slightly against your lips as his hand finds its way to your nape, deepening the kiss. he knows what he does to you, the cocky bastard.
"i love you so much, Ken.", "i love you too, sweetheart."
no matter what happens or how many times you need your alone time and your space from each other, you always fall back together.
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underfaller · 2 days
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in his house of mind, dead cipher waits dreaming
Chapter 1: On Your Mind Rating: T Synopsis:
You really think you won that day/You packed your bags and sailed away/You think you left your past behind/But trust me/I'm still on your mind
A year has passed since Weirdmaggedon and the Pines family, victorious in the end, are happier than ever. Stan and Ford are adventuring at sea, making up for lost time. Dipper and Mabel are now freshmen and are ready to take on high school-- geometry, bullies, (student eating?) clubs, and all! However, things take a turn for the worst when Dipper and Mabel receive of horrific message from Ford:
Bill is back.
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You wrote a page about me in my own book so allow me to make this tiny addendum over your dull ramblings. 
Stanley Pines,
I've been on your mind. 
Are you surprised to see me? You must be confused so allow me to explain, slowly, in small words: 
If memories could return so easily, why couldn’t I? 
You really thought you won that day, huh? It’s painfully pathetic how naive you are. 
Aw, don’t look so distraught! You can’t have your cake and eat it too, Stanley. You may have lied and cheated to get your way for your whole life, but you can’t elude simple logic-- no matter how desperately you try! 
Still there? Of course you are! There’s not much else for me to say and I’ve got a very busy schedule ahead of me so I suppose I’ll end things here. However, before I leave you to the endless void and your growing insanity, I’ll let you in on a little secret-- Don’t ever say I’m not a generous guy!
Here it is: 
I see myself in you.  And that’s not because I’m literally possessing your worthless skin puppet. You and I are quite similar-- always scheming, constantly caught in our own web of lies, conning the world until we can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. A spectacular guy like myself should be thrilled at our similarities! I mean, the more “me” in the universe, the better, right? 
We should be getting along better than bleach and ammonia! 
…But I’m not thrilled. Far from it. Am I upset? Upset would be an understatement. No, your dimension’s vernacular can’t even begin to describe my resentment of you. 
I hate you, Stanley. I detest you. I despise you.
I can still see through the eyes of everyone I’ve ever possessed. I’ve seen your past, your present, and your very near end. You’ve spent your whole life screwing up and you will die no differently. You’re a loser. A blight on this already tedious world. A waste of space. You shouldn’t exist. 
So how? 
So how could you have beaten me? How could a lowlife, fat-headed, braindead, absolute failure of an existence possibly beat me? 
…And how do you have everything that I don’t have? 
Your dimension is safe, drifting peacefully in chaotic, infinite chaos while mine has been obliterated, erased from existence as we know it. Even the last atoms of my universe are gone-- decimated by your brother during our little Weirdmageddon spat. 
You’ve done nothing to contribute to your world and yet, when I only wanted them to see the stars, I was met with ultimate destruction. 
How is that fair? 
Your brother adores you. Your brother once adored me too. Has he ever looked upon you with pure, unadulterated hatred? We both ruined his life but only one of us is forgiven.  
And your mother. Your mother still thinks of you. She keeps your photo on her bedside table. She looks at them every night. She misses you. 
My mother is dead. 
How is that fair? 
Now I am you and you are me but why do only you are rewarded. Why is it that I get nothing? What makes you so special? 
I am the only one who sees you for what you are and I hate you. I hate every molecule of your being. I hate everything you have that I don’t. I hate, hate, HATE you, Stanley Pines. 
You don’t deserve what you were given. You aren’t worth even a sliver of it. 
So I’m going to take it all away-- Take what’s rightfully mine. There’s nothing you can do. No more cheap tricks, no more cons, no more last minute plans-- your luck has run out. Your time in the spotlight is over-- Time to show you how a real star performs. 
Better luck next time, bootleg Sixer.
When you awake, you will find yourself in utter, pitch black darkness. You will soon realize that your arms and legs paralyzed, unable to even struggle. You’ll be suspended in a limbo where you are neither awake nor asleep. 
Can you fathom my pain after you erased me? Can you imagine the torture? Your smooth brain would implode on itself if you even tried to grasp it-- And now you will experience it yourself. 
How do you like that, huh? 
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? 
You enjoyed your little victory but in the end, it’s me who won. 
Ha! Ha! Ha! 
Goodbye, Stanley Pines, and good riddance. Your pitiful existence will not be missed. 
Don’t worry too much, I’ll take good care of your family. 
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It seems like an eternity since we've returned to sea but the Stan-o-War II is back. We left Portland at 21:00 and headed to Point Nemo. My research has led me to believe that the pole of inaccessibility is a magnet for weirdness, much like Gravity Falls-- There may even be ruins of a long lost civilization in its underwater bowels. I would like to test my hypothesis. Stan is fine with our expedition as long as there are “hot Atlantis chicks” to flirt with. I will keep his sentiment in mind. 
We’ve grown closer this year than we have in three decades. It’s… nice to be back with him. 
Despite my excitement for our adventures, I enjoyed our short break in Gravity Falls. It's always a delight when the children come to visit. Everytime I see Mabel, I swear she's grown at least an inch taller. At this rate, she'll be towering over me! Dipper is growing into a bright, young man-- it is impossible for me not to notice our similarities when I was his age. He recently mentioned that he plans to take honors geometry next year. I replied that if he ever needs tutoring then his ol’ Grunkle Ford is more than happy to help. 
It's been almost a full year since Weirdmageddon yet I still occasionally think of Bill. I am prone to anxiety and occasionally find myself irrationally fearing his return. That's impossible, though. I remind myself of that more times than I care to admit. Bill is gone and the moss covered statue in the forest proves it. We erased him. He can't hurt me anymore-- and he certainly cannot hurt my family. 
Stanford closes his journal, before blowing out a flickering candle and standing up, yawning. He looks at his watch. 3:33 AM. Old habits die hard and Ford still finds himself procrastinating on sleep, slightly fearing what will happen when he loses consciousness. He sighs, pushing past memories from his weary mind.. He'll need at least two cups of black coffee tomorrow morning if he has any hope of getting up on time. 
As Ford lays in his rickety cot, the Stan-o-War II shudders and creaks as it rocks against rolling waves. Usually, the familiar sounds of the boat lull Ford to sleep, but tonight, they keep him up, tossing and turning, each noise seeming to echo ten times over. 
It is one of those nights. 
Ford looks up at the ceiling, frowning. He used to have fantastic, imaginative dreams. After Weirdmageddon, however, his resting mind is always empty, dark like the ocean during a new moon. He misses dreaming. 
Though, Ford should be grateful-- there are much worse alternatives to a dreamless sleep. 
In the distance, Ford hears the rumblings of thunder. A summer storm isn't uncommon and it certainly isn't the ship's first experience with unsavory weather but for some reason, Ford feels uneasy. Perhaps he should sleep in the bridge tonight, just in case something goes awry. 
Ford’s thoughts are interrupted when his cabin door creaks open slightly. Ford grins, aware of his twin’s antics. 
“Very funny Stan. Aren’t you a little too old to be afraid of thunderstorms?” 
Familiar, cackling laughter rings across the room. 
“Oh Sixer, I’m not the one scared right now!” 
It can't be. 
Time stops. Stanford violently sits up, scanning the seemingly empty room. 
Click. 
Lightning cracks. Stan is sitting atop his brother, shotgun pressed against Ford's chin. Ford looks up in horror seeing Stan’s eyes bright yellow and glowing in the darkness. 
“Not so fast, unless you want your pretty brains all over the headboard,” Bill teases. He examines the shotgun in his hands. “Can you believe the old guy sleeps with this thing? Talk about a safety hazard!”
Ford freezes, his blood turning to ice. He can hear his heartbeat racing in his ears. His usually rapid firing mind has slowed to a complete standstill in his terror. His mouth is dry as he struggles to speak. 
He must have fallen asleep. He’s sleeping, he’s sleeping, he’s sleeping-
“This is a dream,” Ford stammers. “You’re not real; you’re dead-” 
Stanford Pines does not dream.
Bill howls with laughter. As he does, Stan's mouth contorts into an unnaturally large grin. 
“Oh Sixer! You can’t kill an idea or a god and certainly not both!” Bill replies. He giggles. “Did you miss me?”
Ford tries to answer but Bill cuts him off. 
“Oh, I already know your answer-- of course you missed me!” Bill chatters on. “And now that your inferior twin is outta the way we can head back to Gravity Falls and finish what we started!”
“Why did you come back?” Ford says through grit teeth. “Your henchmen are gone, the rift is sealed-- there’s nothing left for you here, Bill.” 
“Nothing left for me, hahaha!” Bill shakes his head, smirking. “Man, that idiot's stupidity is rubbing off on you! Have you forgotten?” 
Ford doesn’t answer. Bill leans closer, lowering his voice to a drawl. 
“We made a deal, you and I. You’re my partner from now till the end of time.”
Ford looks into his brother’s yellow eyes and is filled with fury. Seeing Bill using his twin like this while having the audacity to expect him to continue their partnership-- it’s laughably, outrageously, enraging. Ford can’t help but give a low chuckle before glaring at the demon. 
“Go fuck yourself, Bill.” 
Lightning flashes once more, illuminating the two adversaries. Bill sighs, clicking his tongue. 
“For some reason, I knew you’d say that.” 
Bill grips the shotgun and shoves the barrel down Ford's throat. Ford’s eyes widen, threatening to pop out of his skull, and he gags, tasting metal and sulfur. Bill grins, obviously amused by Ford’s discomfort. 
“Well, if you’re not going to be of use then you can join the rest of your family in the afterlife.” 
The kids. He’s going to come for the kids. 
Bill pulls the trigger. 
Click. 
Silence.
“Seriously? Who keeps an unloaded gun by their side!” Bill shouts. 
It seems his luck hasn’t completely run out. Now, it’s Ford’s turn to slightly grin. He looks up at Bill.
“Alright, my turn.” 
Sorry Bro. 
Stanford lifts his right leg up and kicks Bill in the balls. Hard. Bill cries out in pain and keels over, clutching between his legs. 
“Goddamnit! Curse human body weaknesses!” He yells.
Ford roughly pushes Bill off him and races out of the room, making a break for the bridge. The storm is much closer than he initially thought, violently rocking the tiny vessel against angry waters. 
I have to warn Dipper and Mabel before it’s too late. 
Ford whips around the corner, jumping into the bridge. He quickly locks the metal latch behind him and barricades the door with a piece of wood lying to the side. That’ll stall Bill just enough. He rips open drawer after drawer until he finds a small handgun. This one is certainly loaded-- Stanford always made sure his weapons were. He hesitates at the thought of potentially wounding his brother. 
Anything to stop Bill. 
Stanford checks the ship’s communication radio, flipping switches and dialing to station 618. 
“Transmitting from S-O-W- 0-2. S-O-W- 0-2. This is Stanford Pines.” 
Before they’d left, Stanford gifted the twins a radio and scanner to communicate with them while they were out at sea. With a few tweaks and some borrowed alien tech, Ford had made sure that its frequency range would reach wherever they were in the world. He imagined it would be used to regale the children of their fantastical adventures. Never would Ford have thought he’d use it for this. 
But even if they were near the radio, the kids are likely fast asleep at this hour. Still, he speaks into the mic. 
“Bill is-” 
There’s a thunderous boom and the ship suddenly lurches to the left. Stanford stumbles, gripping onto the edge of the table to keep himself from falling. The light bulb above him swings violently above him, threatening to fly right off its wire. Stanford steadies himself.
“Bill is back. Do not engage. Do not answer.” Ford hesitates before adding, “We love you two. Please keep safe-” 
Ford is knocked to the ground. His gun skitters across the slippery floor. For a moment, he can only see stars. He groans, his face radiating red hot pain and ears ringing from the blow to the side of his face. Bill holds the empty shotgun like a bat, grinning like a madman. 
“Who were you talking to?” 
Bill looks at the radio, slapping his forehead and cackling. 
“Aww… Don’t tell me you were talking to ol’ Pine Tree and Shooting Star! You’re so impatient-- I’ll get to them soon!” 
“No, don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare-” 
Bill strikes him again with the butt of the shotgun. Ford tries to crawl towards his gun but Bill steps on it, kicking it even further before kicking Ford in the stomach. The air is instantly extinguished from his lungs and Ford gasps in pain. Bill looks down at him in disgust. 
“Shut the fuck up, IQ. You’re in no position to tell me what to do. I’ve given you chances over and over but since you’ve obviously got a death wish, you’re gonna die like a dog just like your brother,” Bill narrows his eyes, pursing his lips. “I used to think you were different, Stanford. Special . But now I see. You’re trash just like every other member of your damned family. You’re pathetic. ” 
Suddenly, Bill starts laughing as he kicks him again. Over and over. 
“C’mon, Fordsy!” Bill spits. “Aren’t you gonna play the hero? Where’s all that fight in you gone? Or are you too scared to hurt me in this body?” 
Bile rises in Ford’s throat as he is repeatedly assaulted. Pain numbs his mind and his body curls up, mind desperately trying not to black out. Bill’s foot strikes his face and Ford hears his nose crack, blood filling his nostrils. 
Then Bill abruptly stops, bored that his attacks aren’t getting a rise from his former partner. He clicks his tongue, standing over Ford, watching him writhe, gasping for air. Bill shrugs. 
“Well, if you’ve already spoiled the surprise, allow me to say a few choice words.” 
The demon bounds for the radio, grabbing the microphone, twirling the cord in his fingers as he speaks. 
“Hey Shooting Star! Hey Pine Tree! This is your Grunkle Stan! I’m about to paint these walls red with my brother’s guts and turn this shitty tin can around back to the mainland! Don’t be too upset though guys! You’ll be joining him VERY soon! OVER!”
Bill rips the microphone from its wires, throwing it across the floor. 
“As I was saying-” 
Ford grabs Bill’s leg and violently pulls him down. Bill yelps in surprise and falls to the ground. The two wrestle, punching, kicking, scratching at each other like mad men, vying for dominance. Ford spies his handgun, dangerously close, and lunges at it, grabbing the weapon. 
The gun goes off. Bill jumps away like a rabid animal before straightening up. He gently touches his cheek, looking at the blood smeared against his fingers. He chuckles.  
“Wow Sixer, real gutsy pointing that thing at me but we all know you love this meat puppet way too much to actually kill me.”
Ford narrows his eyes, once again pointing the gun at Bill. His hands are trembling. 
Stanley wouldn’t want to be used like this. He wouldn’t want to hurt me. He wouldn’t want to hurt the kids. It’s because of that, that I- “You’re wrong Bill,” Ford says, quietly. “It’s because I love him that I will.” 
Bill’s body shudders. He convulses, gagging before he shakes and closes his eyes. When he reopens them, they aren’t yellow. Stanford lowers his gun slightly. 
“Stanley?” 
Stanley stands in front of him, wide-eyed and terrified. 
“Stanford?” 
His body spasms once more. The yellow eyes return and Bill lunches at Stanford. There is one last crack of lightning. 
The gun goes off.
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twilightarcade · 3 months
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if I was a character I would've gotten non binary headcannoned so hard
#wordstag#back in da day. Was wondering what my problem was. Lo and behold I was trans the whole time#Thank cod for the queer community otherwise I genuinely have no clue what I would've done with my self.#Bro was so preoccupied with becoming nothing because they weren't what they wanted to be#that they didn't realize they could literally be what they wanted to be. For free. And no one could stop them.#still recovering from that bit to be honest. Crazy how childhood effects you or whatever.#it wasn't even like. Oh I wish I was the opposite gender sorta stuff. It was just full stop#Hey there's something wrong with me because I feel limited connection to my agab. I should die about it.#anyways online spaces were my jam. Was often perceived as male and I LOVED the change in pace#like gender never even really came up 99% of the time! What a beautiful world to live in...#I think my problem was that I saw male as like... the more neutral option?#women wear dresses and makeup and do their hair and men just. Don't#I THINK THE PROBLEM THAT ROOTED THAT PROBLEM WAS GROWING UP AROUND MY GRANDPARENTS#Who were always excited for me to be a beautiful young lady. Genuinely the best intentions but I wasn't vibing with it and that simply#wasn't an option? Like once I wanted to wear a suit to homecoming and it was like. A full stop no. I didn't even like dances#all that much. But skipping out on dances meant I was Wasting Highschool or whatever. Sad world.#anyways what. Long story short a lot of my childhood was spent longing to be perceived as something other than#my agab without saying that out loud because I thought saying something like that would cause the sky to fall.#YOU KNOW WHAT DIDNT HELP ALL THOSE GIRLS PROGRAMS#Like. I support women and all but being a part of them always felt vile. I didn't want to be a girl I just wanted to Be yknow.#have since gotten over that though and exploited my girl ness. Hashtag woman in stem hashtag aren't I cute? A woman pursuing#a scientific career? Adorable stuff? You should give me all of your money. Still feels vile but a different#perhaps more evil kind of vile. The exploiting the system of gender sorta vile#anyways. Cutting myself off here. Good night folks
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lilacevans · 9 months
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it’s amazing how men can just ruin everything
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dapg-otmebytheballs · 3 months
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coming back the next day to my blog terrified of reactions and yea I worry this will get swept under the rug and be made into a non issue
#the problem isn't even dnp at all at this point it's the way fan spaces are so happy to turn a blind eye#bc they know we'll tire out and leave eventually and they'll never have to think about their own behaviour#like y'all have driven people out this way already but we see when it matters and when it doesn't#this isn't about people posting about other stuff or about tour tickets or anything btw v happy for you guys! /gen#more about people who refuse to acknowledge that there's a racism problem in the FANDOM#and congratulate themselves on simply not engaging with poc when they speak up for your own personal comfort#that's the privilege at work again we see when we are just a 'distraction' to you btw#literally the fact that poc fans taking the time and energy and hate and triggers to talk about this instead of abandoning cause#shows that no one's trying to call dnp racist but that doesn't stop from particular remarks and behaviours in the past being racist#i don't think it's a huge ask to acknowledge that the fans around have been trying to get us to shut up and sit down#and been condescending when we didn't#it's not a big ask to acknowledge that your spaces have these microagressions#ik you wouldn't just pass it off as 'keep safe frol discourse' if a buncha people had been homophobic in here#just think a little man no one's saying you can't also enjoy the tour and other stuff while acknowledging racism#again. genuinely happy for everyone who's going to the tour and excited to see more about what they do there#hope this issue also stops being treated like radioactive waste tho
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bunnihearted · 5 months
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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mithomite · 6 months
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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life-of-liminality · 2 months
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The moment of realisation
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SOMEONE ATE MY FUCKIN COOKIES AGAIN!! AAaAAaaAaahhhhhhhh
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ranger-kellyn · 5 months
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i said it on my swiftie blog last but fuck it i'll say it here too bc i woke up still annoyed about it:
for a website that does a ton of bitching and moaning about media literacy and and saying all this "you all clearly didn't pay attention in high school english", funny how suddenly none of y'all know what a fucking metaphor is.
of course taylor wasn't literally raised in an asylum! the public eye is the inescapable asylum!
i think about all the genuinely shitty and harmful things i've said and done across all my nearly 30 years. i have said and done some awful shit, because i am an incredibly fallible person who was raised by incredibly fallible parents and relatives, raised in a fallible community (things i literally had ZERO choice in) and surrounded by incredibly fallible friends. i have hung around some horrible people who said and did horrible things.
if i had to learn everything i've learned all while under a microscope from the public-- yeah! i'd go fucking insane! i wouldn't last ten seconds in that!!
and i really reckon you wouldn't, either, because the unfortunately reality is we're all fallible. most of us just have the luxury of being complete nobodies
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I normally don't make vent posts on this blog(even though no one really sees this blog anyways) but I'm going to completely spill in the tags ✌️JCJDJSJ
#i swear i used to be able to gush so much#and then a bunch of stuff happened and now i feel a weird feeling in my stomach every time i do it#it just feels like its a waste of time or no one really cares about what im saying#i talk with a selfshipping friend on discord and they gush all the time and i feel like i can never get a word in#i still gush a bunch but i just feel like im taking up space and time whenever i vocalize it#i feel like no one cares#like normally if youre friend is into something you care about that something as well a little or have some compassion for iy#cause its important to your friend so it has some value to you as well#i feel like there is zero value or care or compassion for what i say#but like...especially with gushing#i so wish i could describe the feeling or have words for it cause its such a unique feeling that i havent entirely felt before#i feel like theres never any room for me to talk. like theres only enough time for others to talk and nothing left over for me#or like im constantly interrupting every conversation even if its dead silent and we havent talked in an hour#or like i always bring it up at a bad time#i used to be able to gush so much and so freely but now i feel like i feel bad after every time i do it#even sometimes i feel bad gushing HERE. on MY blog that is for SELFSHIPPING and gushing and talking about my F/Os#sometimes i have trouvle even tryint to gush cause it feels like i dont even know what to say anymore cause i hardly ever get to do it#like everything is always about someone else and never about me
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quietwingsinthesky · 9 months
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i bestow upon my oc the highest honor i can: janitor*
*in charge waste disposal on the ship
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goldensunset · 9 months
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love seeing that other people used the beast ball on terapagos. same brain 👋
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