#and the mc was like shes the kinda beauty that made me understand why men brought pics of their sweetheart to war (LIKE GIRL???)

[neonsbian]

WAIT i think this book might actually be gay

[viatagrinner]

Our new beginning. Kagemaru

Key: thoughts, narration, speech

The heroine and Oboro bought dango and return to hideout the Senkitai.

Oboro grinning at MC mischievously:

"But are you sure I'm the one you should've asked to go with you?"

МC: What do you mean?

Oboro: Wouldn't you preferred, say... Kagemaru? He is kind of your boyfriend.

(Is that how the rest of the Senkitai see us?)

МС: Mmm, how should I put it?

If I'm completely honest, my relationship with Kagemaru is still a bit of a mystery to me.

(Somehow we've kissed, but we've never outright admitted how we feel about each other. I just can't tell what that guy is thinking.)

MC: See, he's not exactly my boyfriend…

Oboro: Huh? But Kagemaru himself said you guys are dating.

МС: That was just a tactic to ensure I'd be able to come and go around here without any questions being asked. I mean, there are still Ayakashi who can't stand human coming and going as they please.

Oboro: You sure about that? You really sure?

Oboro pouts, looking dissatisfied.

Oboro: I think you really caught Kagemaru's eye, MC.

MC: What?

Oboro: He's the kind of guy who knows what he wants. If he didn't actually like you, he wouldn't call you 'his girl' even for the sake of a lie.

(You think?)

A feeling of warmth blossoms within my chest.

Oboro: You're a great catch, Airi. You should be more confident in yourself.

Oboro declares, his gaze moving toward my hair: Oh yeah, that ribbon you're wearing is different from the one you usually wear.

MC: Oh, uh. Yeah, I bought it a little while ago.

Oboro: It's really pretty. Now Kagemaru's bound to fall in love with you all over again, huh?

MC: Th-That's not why I bought it!

Half-amused, half-frustrated by Oboro's comments, the two of us arrive at the Senkitai's hideout. We head underground and Oboro begins to lead me toward his room. Along the way, we run into a familiar face.

Oboro: Oh, Kagemaru.

Kagemaru: ......

My eyes meet his and for a second he looks startled.

Kagemaru: "Back again, are ya?"

(Same old, same old. )

Oboro: Huh? Kagemaru! What kind of way to speak to your girlfriend is that? Look, she came all the way over here just to see you---

Mc: A-And that's enough outta you, Oboro! Shall we be on our way?

Hiding my disappointment, I urge Oboro along.

Kagemaru: Oi.

To my shock, Kagemaru grabs my shoulder and pulls me closer to him.

MC: Um?

Kagemaru: .......

We're mere inches apart, his hand reaching toward my cheeks.

(What's going on? In the middle of a hallway? Really?)

His hand brushes past my cheeks and continues to reach for my ribbon, undoing it with a rustle.

Kagemaru: What're ya wearin' somethin' as scruffy as this for?

MC: Come again?

Kagemaru: Yer supposed to be the boss' girl 'round these parts. If yer comin' to see me, ya can at least dress the part.

(What's wrong with my ribbon? Meanie ).

Embarrassed at mistaking his gesture for even a second, I blush red.

Kagemaru: Guess ya don't give me much of a choice. I'll go get---

MC: .......

Filled with a rage I can't quite understand, I push him away as hard as I can.

Kagemaru: !

MC: Sorry, Oboro. I'm going home.

Oboro: W-Wait!

I ignore Oboro's pleas for me to stay and head straight back outside again, leaving them both behind me.

•••••••Flashback•••••••

Several days later.

(Oh, that hairpin is beautiful!)

During a shopping trip in Asakusa, a hairpin on display in front of a store catches my eye.

(It's really stunning. There's something special about it.)

I instinctively draw closer for a better look, the display having caught my full attention.

(They're so pretty and sophisticated. No way anyone would ever call them scruffy.)

•••••Flashback•••••

Kagemaru: Yer supposed to be the boss' girl 'round these parts. If yer comin' to see me, ya can at least dress the part.

•••••End Flashback•••••

(Looks like what he said about me is still on my mind.)

A mixture of frustration and anger welling up inside of me, I bite my lip.

Man: ......

I sense someone approaching my side - out of the corner of my eye it appears to be a man wearing a cap.

Man: ......

(Wait!)

He snatches one of the hairpins and quickly scarpers.

(A thief?!)

Mc: W-Wait!

Bewildered by what I just witnessed, I go to chase after him.

Man: Hey, you're in my way!

Man: !?

A woman adorned in a kimono grabs him by the arm, twisting it.

Man: That hurts!

Yuzuru: My, what a gorgeous hairpin.

Catching a glimpse of the hairpin the man is clinging onto, Yuzuru beams.

Yuzuru: And yet it seems so wasted on a scruffy old pickpocket like you.

Passersby take note of the scene and come to a halt, raising their protests.

Onlooker 1: Hey!

Onlooker 2: You get'em, Ma'am!

(She's so cool!)

Not long afterward, the thief is taken in by the police and dragged away.

Hairpin Shopkeeper: Thanks a million, Yuzuru. That guy's a thief who's been stealing what he can from around here lately. I don't know how many times he's targeted my shop.

Yuzuru: As if I could stand the thought of such a gorgeous hairpin in the hands of a slimy creep like that.

Yuzuru goes to hand back the hairpin, but the shopkeeper shakes her head: No, I want you to have it. Consider it my thanks.

Yuzuru: My! You sure about that?

Hairpin Shopkeeper: It's the least I can offer! Considering what you just did for me.

Yuzuru: …Very well. Don't mind if I do.

Yuzuru thanks the shopkeeper, then turns toward me with a smile on her face.

Yuzuru: .....

Several moments later, I'm leaving the shop with Yuzuru - or rather, Kagemaru dressed as his alter ego.

MC:  Um, are you heading to work?

Yuzuru: Oh, not today. I'm in town to pick up a little rouge for my lips.

(She's a million miles away from Kagemaru!)

(Also, I didn't realize she was still entertaining people as a geisha.)

I'm so shocked by the transformation that I'm practically lost for words.

Bar Goer 1: Hey, you two pretty ladies over there!

Two men call out to us from a nearby stall, raising their drinks at us.

MC: Um. Yuzuru…

Bar Goer 1: Whoa, you two really are something.

Bar Goer 2: What do you say we buy you a drink?

With that, Yuzuru suddenly grabs my arm.

Yuzuru: Read the room, boys.

She pulls me up against her, making sure the two men get a bird's eye view of the situation.

(Whoa!)

Bar Goer 2: Wait! What?

Yuzuru: Can't you tell? We're having plenty of fun just the two of us. And we don't need any men around to interfere.

Bar Goer 1: ...Huh?

Yuzuru: Shall we?

Yuzuru and I pass by the bewildered men, still arm in arm.

(When I first laid eyes on Yuzuru, I was struck by how beautiful she was.)

I can feel my heart start to thump as we walk along together, still pressed right up against one another.

(Yuzuru's the perfect definition of a girl crush. She's so cool and gorgeous you can't help but fall for her!)

(I mean, I know she's really Kagemaru on the inside, but still!)

(I can't even tell if it's Yuzuru or Kagemaru making my heart flutter this much anymore.)

(But I like it.)

(I hope we can stay like this for a bit longer.)

Yuzuru: Sorry about that, Miss.

When the two men are no longer in sight, Yuzuru finally goes to let go of me.

MC: Wait, um!

I keep my arm wrapped around hers and squeeze, not letting her do so.

MС: There's somewhere I'd like to go with you!

I job a finger toward the same Japanese sweets parlor that Oboro and I visited the other day.

Yuzuru: Hah?

Yuzuru: Why'd ya want me to---

For a second, Kagemaru slips back into his usual self, but, conscious of passersby, quickly clams up.

MC: You don't have work today, right? So you can spend some time with me!

I take Yuzuru's hand and start to lead her into the sweets parlor.

We take a seat and I excitedly pour over the menu.

Yuzuru: .....

Yuzuru: …Someone looks like they're having a good time.

(Ah. She might be mad.)

MC: Well, it's not every day a chance like this comes along...

Yuzuru: …I suppose.

At first, there's a slight hint of irritation in Kagemaru's eyes.

Shopkeeper: Here you go!

Yuzuru: Thanks, doll.

Yuzuru aims a dazzling smile at the shopkeeper as they deliver our sweets.

(Yuzuru really is stunning.)

(Boy, girl, it doesn't even matter. That kind of beauty is ethereal.)

I spend an afternoon captivated by Yuzuru's beauty while enjoying the delicious sweets.

By the time we leave the shop, it's already evening.

MC: I had a really great time today. Thanks for humoring me.

Yuzuru: Oi.

I say my thanks, about to leave when Yuzuru grabs me by the arm.

MC: Huh?

Yuzuru: Ya made me go along with that act for long enough. Ya think I'm jus' gonna let ya wander off home by yerself?

(Huh?!)

Yuzuru starts pulling me along surprisingly in the direction of my own house.

(Is she walking me home? Is that it?)

I look up at her from my side and she stops in her tracks. I feel a rustle as she fixes my hairstyle.

MC: What is it?

Yuzuru: Turn around.

I do as I'm told, my back toward her, when I feel her undoing my hair ribbon and running her fingers through my hair.

I feel a rustle as she fixes my hairstyle. She finishes off by adorning my new look with the hairpin she received earlier as thanks.

MC: Oh wow! Thank you so much!

Yuzuru: So ya don't complain when it's Yuzuru, do ya?

I hear the faint click of a tongue and something soft brush my neck. In my shock I turn around.

MC: Um?!

Yuzuru: Ah well. Might work out for the best.

(Was that a kiss just now? And that smile…)

Yuzuru: Yer beloved Yuzuru will have ya trained in no time.

Yuzuru: She'll make ya into exactly the kinda woman fit for the head of the Senkitai.

MC: Train me?

Without giving me a chance to refuse, Yuzuru's face comes closer, her lips against my ear.

Yuzuru: I'll show you how to make the most of your feminine charm.

MC: !

Her voice is so alluring and seductive that I'm already shivering in anticipation.

(I can't let my guard down around Yuzuru anymore than I can Kagemaru…)

I tell myself as heat gathers in my cheeks from how intimately close she's standing…

Afterword:

1. The heroine's pansexuality is proven.

I want to note that MС used the pronoun "she" in relation to Yuzuru, although she knows that this is Kagemaru's alter ego. It's great that a girl accepts her partner as he/she is.

2. It's great that we decided to show Yuzuru. Now I am interested in the attitude of the heroine's father to Yuzuru/Kagemaru.

3. Oboro is the best family psychologist. When a 12-year-old child is better versed in relationships than adults. I think it's time for this boy to start a psychological practice.

4. A little criticism.

The relationship between the heroine and Kagemaru at the very beginning of the story was a little annoying.

I understand that the heroine is 15 years old, that in these years the girl wants romance and showing feelings.

Therefore, there were such phrases and such thoughts:

"(Is that how the rest of the Senkitai see us?) Mc: See, he's not exactly my boyfriend… That was just a tactic to ensure I'd be able to come and go around here without any questions being asked".

The girl doesn't understand that not everyone can or wants to flaunt their feelings.

It is clear that Kagemaru wanted to help, but it looked so toxic. In the role of Yuzuru, Kagemaru is more affectionate and understanding. He could learn from his alter ego how to communicate with young girl. 😄

Yuzuru showed herself better as a partner than Kage.

I hope that in the next sonnet/event, the couple will understand how to communicate with each other.

[anotherbeingsworld]

the promise of happiness

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Alessia Lyxienne)

Book: Open Heart

Rating: G , TW: mentions of surgery.

Prompts by @choicesjunechallenge2021 Day 1 – plot twist

Summary: Alessia's ex is in town, and its quite a reunion. <3

A/N: hiii, so I decided to participate in the challenge and well, write lots of Bryce before we have to say goodbye to him soon. So, this is kinda (hopefully) become a writing spree for me - like a Bryce appreciation-ish of my own. I have some plans already - and, I can't wait to share them! Also, a huge shoutout to @appiomofchoice for a lot of her help on this fic and the upcoming ones! Enjoy! (also, I will start to use a new mc name! however, she is who casey is but, with a new name instead hehe) // i dont own any characters except mc and brian lewis. (and, i apologize for grammar errors and any errors in this story)

-

It was supposed to be a normal day, however, the gasped that escaped her signals that the day is going to be an adventure. As she stood beside Bryce, both of them were facing a familiar face who she knows all too well. Brian Lewis, the Brian Lewis. The knowing smirk on his face as his gaze falls onto her brings back all the memories during her time at med school before.

He was a senior, a few years older than her. As they started to get to know one another through a mentoring session with Dr. Lisbon in her anatomy class. They started to go out in a matter of months, as their study sessions become quite intimate in the past – before, breaking up as Brian left for an opportunity to continue his residency in London. They were on good terms, and seeing him again in front of her brought back old memories.

“Dr. Lyxienne, are we clear?” The sound of Harper’s voice pulled her out of a trance, as she was pulled back into reality.

“I’m sorry, would you repeat that once more?”

Harper nods, before introducing him to her – as Bryce raised an eyebrow at the man.

“This is Dr. Brian Lewis from John Hopkins – and, he will assist us in one of the diagnostics team cases.” Brian takes his hand out towards her as Bryce took it before Alessia could do anything.

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Lewis, I’m Dr. Bryce Lahela and this is…”

“The Dr. Lyxienne of course! How have you been Alessia?” He said with a huge smile on his face, as Alessia froze, not knowing or mentally preparing herself where her boyfriend met his ex.

“I’m doing fine, thank you, Dr. Lewis.” The formality makes him take a step back as the atmosphere around them becomes awkward.

“Well, Dr. Lewis – we will see you at the diagnostics office soon. It’s nice to meet you.” Harper shook his arm again, with a smile before leaving the room.

The three of them stood awkwardly, before Alessia’s pagers started to beep – as she quickly runs away from the scene any further.

The two men stood quietly before Bryce left the room as well – leaving a sighing Brian in the office.

-

Bryce’s pager started to vibrate, as he was called into the diagnostics office as he finished with an appendectomy. With a satisfied smile on his face, he was met with a full office – consists of Dr. Emery, Dr. Ramsey, Alessia, Dr. Carrick, and Brian who are discussing their new case.

“Bryce, welcome. Dr. Lewis, this is one of our top surgeons in our department– Dr. Bryce Lahela.” Harper stated before Bryce taking a seat beside Alessia who looks nervous upon the encounter.

“It's good to see you again Dr. Lahela.” His voice was rough with a hint of softness in it.

Bryce nods before he was passed with a copy of the case itself.

“Based on the check-up we did, we found that the patient has suffered from spinal osteomyelitis. It is known as an infection of the vertebrae – it is a rare case, however still dangerous overall.” His presence is commanding as the others listen to it intently.

“How dangerous is it?” Alessia’s voice can be heard as all eyes fall on her.

Brian smiles, as he explains.

“Infections on the spine can be extremely dangerous along with the surgery on that are can be risky with the probability that may lead to a case of paralysis or even more infection.”

She nods intently, as the room went quiet once more.

“When will the surgery be performed? I’m guessing the sooner, the better right?” Tobias adds along with the conversation.

“I suspect we kept her in for a couple of days, to make some additional check-ups. But, if a timeline was needed – definitely as soon as we could.” He concludes before taking a seat.

After a while of discussion – the team was dispersed.

“Dr. Emery, I have to ask why was I picked by Dr. Lewis for the surgery?”

“Dr. Tanaka recommended your name and he wanted to take you in this round. I have to go now for a meeting, but – if you have any questions, Dr. Lewis can answer it for you about the surgery.” He nods as Harper was out of his sight.

-

Alessia sits on her own, as the dish in front of her remains uneaten due to the textbooks on the table. She was quite occupied with the text in front of her without realizing she had some company awaits her.

Her gaze falls onto the familiar gray eyes looking at her – with the familiar smile since before. Brian was sitting opposite her.

“Yes, Dr. Lewis, what do you need?”

“It’s me Alessia, can we talk – why are you avoiding me?” His voice somewhat remains strong, as Alessia tries to avoid the question.

“I…don’t know. It's weird seeing you again after all these years.” She begins her argument, as Brian nods in understanding.

“I can quite say the same, you look as beautiful as years ago.” He compliments her, as she smiles and lets out a chuckle.

“Thank you. I gotta say – you look as good as you did years ago. But, why Edenbrook, what are you doing here even?” Alessia shuts the textbook, as she looked him in the eyes.

“Dr. Emery was a colleague of mine before, and she requested me to come by for the surgery. I didn’t expect you’d be here.” His gaze falls down upon his hands.

She nods, not knowing how to reply as the silence follows for a moment.

“I know it's an unexpected encounter. It might be weird seeing your ex after all these years, but…I am glad that I got to see you again Alessia.” He says with a smile on his face, the genuine expression she knew all too well from years ago.

Before she could reply, she saw Bryce making his way to her. She smiles at him, as Brian follows her gaze meeting his eyes. He waved at him, before glancing his way back to her. The wide smile on her face still presents on her face, as Bryce took a seat beside them.

“Dr. Lewis, Alessia.” He greeted them both, as Brian's gaze fall onto them both. How comfortable they looked together before he excuses himself from the table.

“I’ll see you in surgery Dr. Lahela, and Alessia.” He smiles before leaving the cafeteria.

-

Bryce’s gaze follows his trail until he left the cafeteria.

“So, I think I have been out of the loop as your boyfriend – but, who is he?” His eyebrows were raised at Brian’s empty seat.

She lets out a small chuckle,

“He is…my -ex in med school actually.” She lets the truth set free, as Bryce looks at her in awe actually.

“Well, you certainly had upgraded.” He jokes as a wink followed before she elbows him playfully.

“Very funny Bryce.” She says before opening her textbook again.

She feels his eyes on him, as she glances his way. He somehow looked nervous suddenly.

“How do you feel when you see him again?”

She thought about it,

“It feels like nostalgic, yet – the story between us has ended years ago. You don’t have to worry alright.” She winks at him, as Bryce lets out a mock laugh – as a response.

“I’m not worried! Never, nope.”

“Whatever you say, Bryce.” She said before leaning in for a kiss, as they continue to spend the remaining time together studying about the upcoming surgery.

-

It was days later, as Bryce preps for the surgery alongside Brian. The OR was quiet, as they were the only ones there. A few seconds later, the surgical assistant arrives alongside the on-lookers consists of other surgeons.

He took a deep breath before they began the procedure, the gallery above them was filled with doctors – as Bryce could recognize a few to name. Dr. Emery and Dr. Tanaka are whispering subtlely, Dr. Ramsey alongside Dr. Carrick and even Dr. Banerji are there. As his gaze moved towards the left, he was shocked to see Alessia sitting by the end of the gallery – as she waves his way. He smiles, before resuming his role alongside Brian.

The clock was ticking slowly, as he observes Brian’s work and was impressed by his handiwork. They switched tasks in between the surgery – and he felt alive at that moment.

“Dr. Lahela, pass me the lancet.” Bryce nods as one of the nurses passes it his way.

Brian was focused on his work before he blurted a question in the middle of the surgery itself.

“So, you are the boyfriend I assume.” His voice is low as Bryce look at him with wide eyes.

He nods, as Brian continues on the surgery with such ease in his work.

“How long have you been together?”

“We just made it official, but…almost three years.” He says proudly behind his surgical mask.

There was a pause in between before he says.

“Years ago, I knew that smile on her face – along with the look in her eyes, she really does loves you. And, when Alessia loves someone - she will go over mountains for you.” He said suddenly – as it felt like a promise for him.

Bryce nods and smiles to himself, remembering the moments they had gone through together.

“I know.” I will, an unspoken promise was said between the quiet atmosphere of the OR. As, a smile was visible on Brian's face - somehow he got the message.

As the procedure goes on, a couple of hours had passed – they survived the procedure after a couple roadblocks along the way. The patient has the last resort on the surgery – Bryce took the lead to amputate the affected limb to stop the infection from spreading further. And, at that note – the surgery was over.

They cleaned up from their dirty scrubs as the night has grown late for them both.

“Dr. Lahela – you did an exceptional job today.”

He smiles, feeling the glowing pride in himself.

“Thank you for giving me the chance to join in the surgery, Dr. Lewis.” He replies as Brian nods before they both started to go on separate ways.

-

It’s the day after the surgery, as Alessia stumbles upon Brian who is hugging Dr. Emery – somewhat as a gesture of farewell. As they went their separate ways, his eyes met with hers – a smile on his face.

“Hey.” He begins to conversation.

“Hi, leaving already?”

“Yeah, unfortunately, I have an emergency meeting with the head of surgery at John Hopkins in a few hours.” He explains as she nods in understanding.

“Well, it's good to see you again which is… very weird to say.” She lets out a laugh as Brian lets out a chuckle.

“It's good to see you too. It's been years, and I’m glad to see you thriving here Alessia.” He smiles as they hugged.

“Thanks to your pop-quizzes on anatomy that's what keeping me here.” She winks at the joke, as they let go of the hug.

“Well, I’m glad I could play a part in the memoir of Dr. Alessia Lyxienne then.”

She nods, as he checks on the time.

“I have to leave before the traffic gets insane – but, say ‘hi’ to Bryce for me? And, if he ever hurts you – just know I’ll be ready to kick his ass for you.”

“No need, I think he’ll make me happy.” She said wistfully, as Brian smiles even wider.

“Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding then.” He winks before leaving the hospital grounds.

He stopped in his tracks, as he gazes back at where he was before. Bryce and Alessia were seen happily smiling together, he smiles – feeling happy for them both.

-

At that moment, Bryce’s eyes met with his as he waves to him. Brian waves back, as in a second – he was gone out of their sight.

“He said ‘hi’ by the way.”

Bryce nods, as he remembers the words during the surgery – it felt like a promise for him to make her happy. He smiles, as he will keep that promise and make Alessia the happiest woman in the world with him.

THE END.

tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @mvalentine , @storyofmychoices , @princess-geek , @lahellacute , @annekebbphotography , @mrsbhandari, @dcbbw , @choicessa , @fantasyoverreality98 , @baltersome , @ofpixelsandscribbles , @thundergom , @starrystarrytrouble , @kelseaaa , @choicesficwriterscreations , @lalizah , @drethanramslay , @eleanorbloom , @openheartfanfics , @brycesgirl , @freckles-spangledvampire , @agentnolastname , @robintora , @adriansbiss , @appiomofchoice , @ariondevereux , @natureblooms24

[juminhandfs]

Hantober Day 10

Choir Practice: Favorite song that reminds you of Jumin.

I made a playlist actually 👀

I went overboard and tried to include songs fitting of every significant moment of his life in chronological order, including the bad endings and even when he crashed Seven's car... ending with the Good Ending.

If you are going to listen to this I have to warn you, it has 2 songs that touch on the bad ending 2 and can be triggering for some people: Lullaby from The Cure which is more metaphorical and Prison Sex by Tool whose lyrics are very graphic. Listen at your own risk and take care.

But here I want to talk about the first song on the playlist that sorts of encapsulates Jumin's life and what meeting MC means to him.

The song I'm talking about is Lateralus, also from Tool, which has the particularity of relying heavily on the Fibonacci sequence both in the metric of the syllables and in the meaning of the song. This is a song about grow.

If you have never heard about the Fibonacci sequence, also known as The Golden Ratio, I recommend to you to watch all these videos on YouTube talking about it because is something super interesting!

Basically The Fibonacci sequence is the mathematic that you can find in the nature, which goes like this:

0+1 =

1+1= 2

2+1= 3

3+2= 5

5+3= 8

8+5= 13 and so on...

Theses numbers when put on a graphic look like this: a spiral

A grad student made a video about the Fibonacci in Lateralus for a project and there it's infinitely better explained of what can I do here, but sadly the video was taken down, what I could find is this same video from someone who reposted it.

I want to encourage you to watch it so you can understand better how the lyrics match with Jumin's life:

Black/ 0+ 1 =

then /+1 =

white are/ 2 + 1 =

all I see/ 3 +  2 =

in my infancy/ 5 + 3 = 8

This is like a perfect description of Jumin's life growing up and raised like a businessman, with no place to emotions and creativity

Red and yellow then came to be/ 8 - 3=

reaching out to me/ 5  - 2 =

Lets me see/ 3

Red and yellow could stand for V and Rika. They showed him another way for things to be: these are the colors more vibrant in the rainbow. Trough them Jumin got to experience friendship and love. And they "came came to him, reaching out to him" he didn't went looking out for them.

As below, so above and beyond, I imagine/ 13 - 5 =

Drawn beyond the lines of reason/ 8 - 3=

Push the envelope/ 5 -2 = 

Watch it bend 3

Below, above, beyond: the lyrics are describing the dimensions of a box, that's the envelope to push made by "the lines of reason". Also note how the number of syllables were in crescendo, but now they are descending, why? What is stopping the spiral from growing? What is stopping Jumin? The answer is in the following chorus: 

Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind

Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must

Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines

Then we have the repetition of the same verses and the chorus + the following verses

There is (2)

so (1)

much (1)

more and (2)

beckons me (3)

to look through to these (5)

infinite possibilities (8)

The next verse marks the moment the song changes, it stops counting syllables and with it both the song and the lyrics go in an endless crescendo...

Feed my will to feel this moment 

Urging me to cross the line

Reaching out to embrace the random

Reaching out to embrace whatever may come

A thing I haven't noticed, but I do now as I'm writing this is that the voice and the style of the singing also changes here. Up to this point was kinda robotic but here is really soft, in awe, you can feel the sincerity of the singer in his voice. If I had to parallel this moment in the song to one in Jumin's route it definitely would be when he tells you about his threads at 2 am. It's my favourite moment in the whole song, as I imagine Jumin saying those words:

I embrace my desire to

I embrace my desire to

Feel the rhythm, to feel connected

Enough to step aside and weep like a widow

To feel inspired

To fathom the power

To witness the beauty

To bathe in the fountain

To swing on the spiral

Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity 

And still be a human

With my feet upon the ground I lose myself

Between the sounds and open wide to suck it in

(He complained about the noise, remember the standing alone in an empty field? The noise is no longer noise, is "sounds" , "words have a meaning once they reach you"

I feel it move across my skin

(He didn't liked to be touched)

I'm reaching up and reaching out

(He is out of the box, or the cage?)

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me

What ever will bewilder me

And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been

We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been

Spiral out, keep going

Translation of all of this? Why I put it at the beginning of the playlist?

Well...

Because of the heavy trauma he received in his early years, Jumin had to rely on rationality and logic to conduct his life (V called him "scientist" and Rika said she wanted for him to find the perfect balance between emotions and logic). Thus ignoring emotions but also his inner intuition, his gut feeling. (Update after the dlc: Now we know the big part his mother also played in this)

Because Jumin's trauma is in direct relation to his body, Jumin tried to distance as far as he could from it and treating it as a machine ("separating the body from the mind"). He mentions how loose clothes make him uncomfortable "because he needs a constant restraint all the time" (if corsets for men were an item you can bet Jumin would wear one)   which leads to his body speaking to him in the way of symptoms: this symptoms are the headaches, the numbness he says he feels in the dlc, the feeling of drowning, etc...

Basically, his body (wether by his emotions, gut feelings or directly through his headaches and mild-amnesia) is desperately trying to talk to him and Jumin is doing everything he can to not listen to it, because he isn't ready for it yet, because these are years and years of unspoken trauma trying to hit him  at once (this is why therapy is important! Guys!) .

So Jumin rationalizes things: he must be having headaches because he ate something bad, or the temperature in the room is below 2 grades, and V must be distant because he is still grieving, not because he is hiding something, not for what Yoosung is telling everyone. And Yoosung is also grieving, so that's why he's acting like this.

And Rika was V's fiance, so he couldn't have feelings for her

All of this changes when he meets MC: first she doesn't treat him as a robot like everybody else, but as person with feelings and with a right to feel and express those feelings, and second and (maybe) more importantly: she doesn't allow him to project his own emotions onto her (as he did with Elizabeth) thus Jumin doesn't have any other option that confront his own emotions, to recognize those feelings as his own… and this scares him to death, but he has to do it if he wants to be with her.

And this, that this battle is for her and for a future with her, is what gives him strength.

Now, onto the song again, Jumin has to listen to his body to do this, he has to decipher what is trying to tell him "Why im feeling like this?" "Why I acted this way". There's another song, also from Tool ("Forty Six & 2") that goes deeper in this process Jumin has to do "I want to know what I've been hiding in my shadow (...) Listen to my muscle memory"

It can't be only raw emotion because that's the bad ending 2 (or he stealing Seven's car), both mind and body had to work together (or to say it in the words of the song, the body can't be keep separated from the mind) for the well being of the person. And if it's in the natural design of things to tend to expansion and growth, why we'll be different? This is to live riding the spiral: self awareness.

"Swing on the spiral

Of our divinity 

And still be a human"

And the best part of all of these? Once this big rock is out the way? 

Now he can allow himself to feel everything! Both the good and the bad, his love for MC, his friendship for the RFA, and by him now being better, he can also be a better, more honest friend to those he loves. And by being more honest, he can now help them to get on their feet again just as MC helped him, and accept help from them . Without fear.

"We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been"

And that's why I love this song and Jumin Han.

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Note: So this didn't came out as I wanted :/ (that's why I couldn't post it like 1 month ago), but that's kinda of the point of the song I guess? 😅 Certain things can not be explained, only experienced and when you try to dissect them (overanalyzing) they lost something very important in the process. Even the same phenomenon doesn't guarantee the same experience for different individuals... But that's the good thing in the end 😅

How boring life would be if we all experienced the world in the same way...

[foreficfandom]

Mystic Messenger - Domestic Disputes And Bad Habits (mysme x MC)

--- Zen ---

He hadn’t lived with anyone for years. After running away from home, he struggled with housing, sometimes couch surfing and sometimes he had legitimate leases. And when he lived with others, he was usually the ‘messy roommate’ because leaving home at a young age meant little opportunity to learn how to manage a living space. 

Even now, his apartment is relatively clean largely by virtue of him not owning a lot of stuff. He doesn’t cook so no dishes to clean, he doesn’t own loose knick knacks to spread around. 

When he housed you for a couple days prior to the first RFA party, he had quickly cleaned his apartment of empty beer cans and loose socks, which made it look like he was a man who kept a clean house. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, and by the next afternoon you noticed random articles tossed over chairs and upon the floor.

That was fine when it was only his space, but when the two of you began living together, Zen quickly had to learn that it wasn’t acceptable to shed his clothing upon the floor all the time, especially when the laundry basket was right there. No, Zen, get your loose socks out of the couch cushions. Zen, stop piling up empty cigarette boxes on the nightstand. Zen, once you’ve unwrapped the sheet mask from its plastic envelope would it kill you to throw it away, instead of leaving it on the bathroom counter?

He’s consistent when it comes to chores like doing the laundry and taking out the trash. But asking him to hang up his jacket instead of letting it crumple in the corner? It’s like getting blood from a stone. 

After a while, you finally get him to pick up after himself. “It’s our home, now,” you said. “Not just yours.” A promise that said he wasn’t alone, anymore. And he took it to heart.  

--- Yoosung ---

It may seem like his depression-ruled lifestyle seemed to change overnight, but that wasn’t the case. Sure, he did regain a lot of his motivation and energy, but simply getting a new lease on life won’t overrule years of neglecting yourself.

You’d text him in preparation for a date, only to arrive and find out he hasn’t even left his bed since he replied with an ‘I’ll get ready!’ More than once your dates had to be rescheduled because Yoosung had been stuck in bed, or still in his pajamas on his desktop. 

On the third time you voiced your complaints, Yoosung got a bit defensive. He couldn’t help it, it’s hard for him to maintain a tidy schedule after so long lacking the proper will. 

It was a terse discussion. Your first couple fight, if you will. “Yoosung, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t want to seek professional help?” “No, MC, I’m fine. What could a counselor possibly help me with?”

It was Yoosung’s own initiative to finally google some nearby therapists during a particularly slow morning. He didn’t tell you he’d been seeing someone until four sessions in, since he struggles with the idea that he might need help. You hug him tightly and treat the both of you to tasty pastries at a cute bakery. 

Yoosung took his therapy to heart. He started slow, working on self-affirming mindfulness and motivating himself to tidy his living space. Then he worked on his time management, which helped his schooling and energy both. 

Within the year, both you and Yoosung saw progress. He felt better, which made his life better. More time to live. More time to spend with you.

--- Jaehee ---

Domestic arguments didn’t arise until you moved in with her. Before that point, Jaehee and you meshed so gracefully, it was damn near magical. 

Even moving into her place and having to carry around heavy couches and unpack a million boxes didn’t dampen that honeymoon phase. You loved witnessing Jaehee’s hidden strength as she tugged your mattress down seven flights of stairs. 

But within a week of living with her, you noticed that you and her ... clashed when it came to interior living. You kept using up the hot water before Jaehee could take a shower. She would misplace your possessions thoughtlessly. The both of you thought each other as messier. 

It was like a new roommate situation. At first, the two of you tried to calmly talk these things out. But new issues would arise after the old ones were resolved. She didn’t like how you tossed your coat across the desk chair, or left the living room lamps on during the night. 

“It’s my apartment, MC!” “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought being your co-owner at the cafe we co-manage meant my co-money go into our co-rent!”

Jaehee went to work in a huff, leaving you to your own devices. Alone in the apartment, you decided to do some regular chores, and as you rested for a minute you absorbed the living space - you could see Jaehee’s touch in ever corner, thoughtfully and carefully labored over. It really almost seemed like your mindless efforts were invading her space.

When Jaehee returned that evening, the two of you tried to apologize at the same time. “Oh, sorry, you go -” “No, you, sorry for interrupting -”

“It’s just ... MC, I want to apologize for treating you like a naughty guest. You’re my partner now and deserve more say in our home.”

You made up and eventually the apartment evolved into a true home between the two of you. A perfect representation of your love.

--- Jumin ---

The dude can be shockingly conservative. In the beginning, it only manifested in him being somewhat of a prude. “I wish you wouldn’t wear that particular dress to the social. You look more beautiful when you show less skin.” “... you mean you’d personally prefer I didn’t show much skin, right?” “Yes? What was wrong with my previous sentence?”

But sometimes he’d be watching the news and blurt out, “I’m not sure if marriage between two men should be recognized by law.” Which leads to you trying to convince him that he’s being very unethical. 

He usually ends up saying something like, “I’m sorry, love, I’m rather uneducated when it comes to this issue,” and leave it at that. Because he’s not some right-wing jackass or anything, he just grew up in an isolated Christian family and never really got to socialize beyond that. So he never learned about viewpoints that challenged what he heard growing up.

It can be infuriating, though, especially with issues you’re concerned about. Because Jumin just kinda tries to compromise by taking a non-stance, since he just doesn’t have a strong opinion on things like reproductive rights or colonialism. It’s partially due to his sheltered background, and partially due to being raised to literally be conservative in his life dealings.

But after seeing you becoming more and more frustrated, he digs a little deeper and realizes that he’s kinda being an ass.  Eventually he begins to say things like, “I think you’re right, MC. Demonizing drug abusers is antithesis to their recovery. They deserve sympathy instead.”

But a pleasant surprise is his appreciation for climate conservation. He likes to donate and fund green power initiatives because he believes in preserving the environment and preventing nature exploitation. You join his efforts, and he finally understands how important it is to have solidarity from your significant other.

--- Saeyoung/707 ---

Being merely twenty-three years old (not to mention his neglected upbringing) leads to some rocky relationship problems. His self-doubt and anxiety can go wild during his worse days, making him revert back to his colder personality and try to push you away once more.

It doesn’t manifest as just him ignoring you. His mind can make him do some really round-about sabotaging. One day, you open the kitchen cabinets to see it all the objects thrown within haphazardly. You confronted Saeyoung and it took hours before he coldly confessed that he was considering throwing away all your favorite foods, before realizing how fucked up that would be and quickly replacing it all again. 

He knew it was his mother’s influence talking. And the thought made him sick. 

Sometimes, you responded to his darker days with loving patience and lots of hugs while he allows himself to break down. Sometimes, you choose to distance yourself a bit. Either way, Saeyoung’s mood eventually evens out. The two of you talk at length about why he feels the way he does, and why he’s propelled to do these things. As time goes on, his dark moods pop up less and less.

On a lighter note, Saeyoung can be a pretty messy dude. Partly because of his underlying mental issues, partly because that’s the type of guy he is. He doesn’t shower as much as you like him to, and he tosses trash just ... everywhere. If his bunker wasn’t so big, the clutter he alone produces would bury you both. No wonder he needed a ‘maid’. 

Yeah, it takes more than a few pushes to make him stop being a slob. He eventually owns up, but not without some effort. Everyone living in the house is grateful. 

--- Saeran ---

It took many months before Saeran felt stable enough to start integrating into normal society, and even longer before his daily schedule began to stabilize beyond surprise breakdowns, spreads of bad days spent holed up, or horrible dips in moods.

Saeran would always live with dissociative identity disorder, and during the first few years it could get tough. Both ‘Suit’ and Ray would be triggered seemingly without warning, and sometimes last for days. Ray did anything he could to earn your affection, ‘Suit’ defected his fears by trying to provoke you. 

Therapy and medication was an ongoing process. You and Saeran went through more than a couple of therapists before finding the ‘one’. Medications had to be tried then dropped because of side effects, or lack of effectiveness. There were long periods of months in-between where all he could do was hope this new treatment would be more effective than the last.

‘Suit’ once got particularly violent with you, not hitting but shaking you by the shoulders and screaming in your face, “Just say it!! You hate me ... you want to hurt me!!”

You found 'Suit’ later, crying and curled up in a corner. After long coaxing, he confessed that he was so afraid you were eventually going to hurt him, so he was pushing you to see if you’d do it. 

And Ray’d do things like blow away all his saved up money to buy you gifts in a desperate show of affection. Just because the two of you were living in a safe, stable environment doesn’t mean old haunts wouldn’t pop up.

Saeran eventually got better and better. Looking back now, Saeran is so much happier. He never lets you forget your amazing influence on him. “Thank you for saving me, my love.” 

--- Jihyun ---

He’s the perfect example of a loving boyfriend. After his two years spent in a therapeutic journey of self-discovery, he returned ready to be a reliable partner. And for the most part, he lived up to it, barring some moments where he accidentally gets sucked into bad memories.

Insomnia is the most common problem. Settling down to sleep means his mind gets easily swamped, and when he does manage to sleep he wakes up during the night and gets overwhelmed with memories once again. Some nights are worse than others.

He tries not to get up from the bed to avoid waking you too, but you eventually develop a second sense for his insomnia spells and you can feel it when he’s struggling. Then he feels bad that he’s affecting you this way.

See, that’s his problem that he can’t resolve on his own. He thinks of his problems as obstacles that bother others, and not the obstacles themselves. This prevents him from finding ways to truly resolve them. 

“I’m sorry, MC. Go back to sleep.” “... Jihyun, how many nights has it been since you’ve slept properly?” He measures it by the nights you’ve been kept awake too, and you stop him there.

“Don’t you see? It’s not about me. Think about your own health.”

And that’s not easy for him. He had obsessed over being a figure that offers unconditional love for so long, it’s hard to shed it. He thinks of his mother and his eyes grow wet. 

He and you find a relationship therapist, and it helps a lot. Jihyun’s two years of self-discovery did wonders for his mood, but it took a bit of professional aid to really unravel the really complicated stuff. 

He feels his state of thinking shift gradually, and it makes his life less cloudy, less stuck in those bad memories and regrets. Instead, he goes to sleep every night thinking about how much he loves you and his family. His heart falls asleep feeling light instead of heavy. 

[nazario-sayeed]

Afterglow (Ethan x F!MC)

A/N: This is probably the most challenging fic I've written to be honest, mostly because I had to write a character that doesn't exist and that's hard. I'm satisfied with the result though. I got the idea after the open heart team said something about new characters we're meeting in book 2. As the name implies, it was heavily inspired by the song Afterglow by Taylor Swift. I had a whole ass playlist for this fic but that song was my main inspiration. English is not my first language. Tag list is under the cut. 

WC: 4950 (sorry about that) 

Rating/ warnings: Angst, alcohol abuse, mention of sex (nothing explicit), jealously uhhh i think that's it 

Masterlist

"Sienna, thank god I found you! I've been looking all over for you"

"Are you okay? What happened?" Sienna was confused to see Lexie almost running into the locker room, out of breath.

"I'm fine, but... something weird happened." she paused. "You know Dr. Marino, right?"

Dr. Leonardo Marino was invited by Dr. Banerji to spend one week working with the diagnosis team in Edenbrook. He was brilliant, charismatic... and incredibly handsome. A significant amount of the hospital staff had spent the whole week making heart eyes at him. They weren't to blame, though: he had a bronze skin, dark eyes, a perfectly cut hair, an undeniable gorgeous face that looked like it was sculpted by Aphrodite herself and an italian accent that made most people melt.  

"Yeah, of course. What about him?"  

"Uh, he kinda asked me out?" Lexie said, not sure it had really happened. Sure, they had been working together all week and got along pretty well. She noticed he was specially friendly to her- but she thought it was just his personality.

"Oh my god, Lexie!" Sienna screamed and grabbed Lexie's arms, beaming. A few curious heads turned to them, and Sienna giggled. She continued in a quieter tone. "What did you say?"

"I said yes" Lexie said with a smirk.

"Really? Oh Lexie I'm so happy for you!" Sienna hugged her roommate, before stepping back back and biting her lip with hesitation.

"What is it? Why did you make that face?"

"I really am happy for you, don't get me wrong, but I thought you weren't over… you know" she didn't say his name nor she had to. Lexie knew who she was talking about, of course. Ethan freaking Ramsey. Lexie sighed.

"I'm not over him. You know that. But I can't let it keep holding me back, can I? Besides, Dr. Marino is leaving town in a couple of days. It's just casual." She said, leaning back against a locker. They both knew Lexie was hurting more than she let on. Sienna decided not to say anything.

"I hope you have a great time. He's a catch, Lexie! Tell me everything when you get home, okay?" They hugged and Sienna went home, leaving Lexie to get ready for her date.

It had been a while since Ethan and Lexie had decided they couldn't keep seeing each other. It wasn't much of a decision, honestly. After both of them went back to Edenbrook, Ethan simply pretended nothing had happened between them, so she had no choice but to follow his lead.

That didn't mean it was easy for her, or that she didn't miss him. Because she did. But she couldn't do anything about it and Ethan kept pretending everything was fine. If it wasn't for a few pained looks she sometimes caught him giving her, she would've thought he was indeed fine.

So she kept trying to move on, even if all she wanted was to run to him and tell how she truly felt. Getting ready for her date and pretending to be excited for it was just one of her ways of pretending she had moved on.

Lexie and Leonardo had agreed on meeting at Donahue's after work, so it wasn't like there was too much Lexie could do to get ready. She was wearing the clothes she had worn when she left her apartment that morning and just a bit of makeup to at least seem like she had made an effort. As she crossed the door to the bar, she realized she was feeling really numb about it. She wasn't nervous or excited at all.

Leonardo was already waiting for her in a booth. He smiled when he saw her, and got up to greet her.

"Hi, Lexie. You look beautiful" he leaned over and kissed her on both cheeks, and she blushed even if she didn't mean to. She wasn't used to his warmth.

"Oh, thank you Dr. Marino." she sincerely doubt she looked beautiful after a 12 hour shift, but she wasn't going to argue with him.

"We're outside the hospital, you can call me Leo." he said with a smirk.

"Right. Sorry, Leo" she smiled and they sat down, facing each other.

As he ordered them drinks, she realized she was nervous after all. But only because she had no idea of how the date was gonna go. She didn't know what were his expectations or if she could meet them.

Things went really smooth, to her surprise. The conversation didn't feel forced, and he was a very nice and smart man. But that was it. No butterflies on her stomach, no accidental touches that made her heart jump out of her chest. No chemistry. She knew a lot of men and women who would love to be in her place, but she wasn't feeling anything at all. Leonardo was being respectful but flirty, smiling at her, trying to make her laugh and even gently touching her hand once or twice. One of the most handsome men she had ever met was trying his best to please her and there was only one thing on her mind: He is great, but he is not Ethan.

After a couple of hours of talking and a few drinks, she excused herself and went to back of the room where the bathrooms were. She wanted to splash some water on her face or text Sienna- just an excuse to leave the table for a few minutes.

She leaned against the sink and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

'its not going great tbh. hes fine but im not feeling it'

'im sorry :( does that mean you are coming home soon? we can open a bottle of wine and talk about it'

'sounds tempting. i'll hang here for a while but i think i might leave soon. gtg now, bye'

'good luck!! :)'

Hanging with Sienna sounded more fun that staying at the bar. She should make up some excuse and just leave.

Lexie rubbed her hands on face and closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh.

"What is wrong, Anderson? The date isn't going well?" she heard his voice and froze. When she opened her eyes, Ethan was standing by one of the men's stalls.

"Dr. Ramsey? I didn't know you were here at the bar, I...I didn't see you." She said, feeling her heart beat faster than it had all night. Pathetic.

"I was at the back when you arrived to your date" He couldn't hide the bitterness on his voice when he said the word date. He looked… off.

"Um, are you okay?"

"I'm fantastic." when he moved closer to wash his hands on the sink she could smell the alcohol on his breath. It all made sense.

"Dr. Ramsey, you're drunk!" she blurted out and it sounded more like an accusation than she intended to. He simply snickered.

"I did drink a lot of scotch. I guess I am." he said with fake amusement, drying his hands on his pants.

Lexie bit her lip, nervous and not sure of what she should do. Ethan being drunk on a Thursday night on a bar where most of his coworkers liked to hang was a bad idea to say the very least. It could damage his reputation- he wasn't a young, careless intern anymore and he shouldn't act like one. But he is not my problem, she thought to herself.

"You should go home, Dr. Ramsey" she said, trying to not stand too close. Even with all the scotch, if she got too close she could still smell something that was so uniquely him. Sometimes, she would walk by him at the hospital and smell his cologne- then all she could think about was his smell on her sheets after their last night together. It was hard to focus on anything else when that happened.

"I can't. Reggie took my keys after my third glass."

"Then grab a taxi or an uber" she nervously glanced at her watch. She should really get back to Leo, but she shouldn't leave Ethan like this. She couldn't.

"Go, Anderson. You don't want to worry your date. And you certainly don't have to worry about me." she could hear the hostility on his voice and it hurt her more than she thought it would. Apparently drunk Ethan was more of an idiot than regular Ethan.

He walked away and she could see him stumbling on his feet. She mentally cursed him and walked back to her table, where Leonardo was sitting with a new drink and a concerned face. He certainly had seen Lexie and Ethan leaving the bathroom basically together. He noticed the hesitant look on her face.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not exactly. Dr. Ramsey is drunk and I… I can't leave him like this. I need to drive him home, I'm so sorry." she tried to look guilty. The disappointment on his face was clear, although he tried to hide it.

"Oh. I understand. I'm sorry too." he smiled sadly.

She squeezed his hand softly, not sure what to do, then simply turned back and walked to where Ethan was sitting at the bar- with another glass of scotch on his hands. Lexie took it out of his hands. He turned to her, looking angry.

"What are you doing?" he tried to reach his glass but his reflexes were too slow, so she easily dodged him.

"Reggie, can I have his keys? I'm taking him home." the bartender looked grateful as he handed her the keys and took the glass from her hand.

"I don't need a babysitter, Anderson. Go back to your date and leave me alone" Ethan said, sounding exactly like a stubborn baby.

"Well, you're certainly acting like a child. Let's go, Dr. Ramsey" she was getting annoyed at his behavior. He reluctantly got up and headed for the door, not even looking back. She sighed and followed him. As she stepped outside, the cold Boston wind hit her and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to create some heat.

Lexie looked around for Ethan and found him already walking- no, stumbling to the hospital. She had no option but to follow him.

They walked in silence to his car on Edenbrook's parking lot and quickly got inside the car, turning the heat on as she drove away to his house. The silence was far from comfortable, so she decided to just say what was on her mind knowing she might regret it in the morning.

"What the hell was that, Ethan? Are you trying to ruin your reputation?" she was almost yelling at him. She had her eyes on the road, but he could see her face turning red.

"I'm off the clock, Anderson. I don't own explanations to anyone about what I do outside the hospital, much less to you"

"Well, the next time you decided to act like a drunk asshole, you should at least do it at a bar that isn't literally 5 minutes away from where you work! Are you really that blind that you can't see how much this could hurt your image? Or are you just that stubborn?" there was no hiding the frustration on her voice now. Her knuckles were white where she gripped the steering wheel.

"I don't need your advice on how to manage my image or my career, Anderson" He spit back at her.

"Fine. You do whatever you want. Why should I give a shit, right? You know what you're doing." she laughed bitterly. Lexie could feel angry tears threatening to form in her eyes and didn't even know why. She bit her lips trying to hold it back- she didn't want to make it all worse by crying. He crossed his arms and didn't say anything else.

The few minutes that it took her to drive to his apartment felt like hours.

As they got out of the car, he was a little less drunk- just enough to feel slightly guilty, but not enough to walk straight. Lexie was still feeling mad, but as she took in the shape he was in, she decided she would let herself feel angry tomorrow. Tonight, she needed to help him.

"Come on, let's get you home" she surprised herself and him with her gentle voice.

"I can get to my apartment just fine, you should go." he tried to argue but his slow voice betrayed him, and he found himself leaning against her shoulder for support.

"I'll go as soon as you're asleep on your bed with a bottle of water and some aspirin on your nightstand" she said, which made him chuckle.

Lexie had to almost drag him to the elevador. She was trying not to think too hard about where his body was touching hers, or that she could so clearly smell his cologne. Her heart skipped a few beats. To feel him so close to her was the best and worst kind of torture at the same time. She couldn't help but remember what had happened when she was at his apartment a few months ago.

Jenner bounced on them as soon as they went through his apartment door- it was almost enough to knock Ethan off his feet. He calmed the dog down and went straight to his bar, grabbing a bottle of scotch.

"Ethan, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked in shock.

"Just one more glass. Will you join me?" he didn't even bother using a glass and took a big gulp straight from the bottle.

"Ethan, please, just go to sleep." Lexie was almost begging him. She just wanted to get away from there, get way from him. It was too much.

She tried to reach the bottle but he dodged her. His eyes were kinda red and his hair was a mess- but he kept drinking.

“Why are acting like such an idiot today?!” she yelled in frustration, covering her face with her hands.

“Because seeing you on a date with someone else drove me fucking insane, okay?” he yelled back, feeling as shocked with his own words as she looked. She just froze.

“What?” her voice broke.

“You want to know why I’m being such an idiot? Because I can’t stand to see you on a date with someone that isn’t me. That’s why. I wanted to punch his face every time he touched your hand, or when he said something that made you laugh. But I couldn’t do it, so I just drank” his voice was a mix of anger and hurt, and every single word felt like a slap to her face. But her surprise soon was replaced by rage.

“You don’t have the right to get mad over who I go out with! You were the one who chose to act like nothing had happened between us for months, you were the one who didn’t even give us a chance! You think you have the right to feel anything when you see me with another man? Because let me tell you something: you don’t! It was your choice to walk away, it was your choice not to fight for us, it was your choice to leave me.” her voice broke and she had to stop and take a breath, trying to hold back the tears. Before he could say something, she continued “You don’t get to drink your ass off and act like a jerk when I’m doing what I can to try and get over you. I only went on date with him because you chose not to be there for me, Ethan.”

When she finally stopped yelling, the tears had found a way to spill from her eyes even if she had tried to fight them. It felt so good to get it all out of her chest, but it also hurt so fucking much. She tried to stop the tears from falling even more but she didn’t seem able to, so she simply turned back and grabbed his kitchen counter as support. She felt pathetic and weak as she literally sobbed on his kitchen.

Ethan stood frozen in place for a few seconds, letting the truth of what she had said wash over him.

"You think I don't know that? You think I haven't been missing you ever since I went back to Edenbrook?" his voice broke the momentarily silence between them. He sounded so vulnerable. "Lexie, I don't regret most decisions I've made, but I do regret letting you go."

She quickly wiped her tears and sniffed once more before turning back to look at him. Those ocean blue eyes would be the death of her. When she spoke, her voice was merely a whisper.

"So why did you?" Of course she knew why. She had gone over the reasons why on her head over and over again. He was her boss, it was complicated and unethical, blah blah blah. She knew that. But she also believed that if he really wanted to be with her like she wanted to be with him, they would find a way.

"I don't know." his mind was still foggy. At that moment, he couldn't believe he had ever let her walk away. All the reasons seemed so stupid.

"Ethan, I think I should go, I…" the tears were threatening to come back and she didn't want him to see her crying because of him again.

"Christ, this isn't a conversation I wanted to have drunk." he said more to himself than to her. He rubbed his hands over his face and took a deep breath, looking at her again. "Look, Lexie, I don't know why I let you go. I was too stubborn, I was focusing on the wrong things… I thought it was the right move when in fact it was nothing but a mistake. But you know that I never make the same mistake twice." he walked slowly to where she was- partly because he didn't want to scare her off, partly because he didn't trust his drunk legs. She was standing frozen and he gently caressed her cheek with one of his hands. "Don't leave me again. I'm sorry, Lexie. Please stay."

Her face betrayed her surprise and pain. It was all she had wanted to hear for the past months and yet she felt her heart break into a million piece. Even though everything in her mind told her to turn back and leave, she couldn't. It was a treacherous situation, but she knew she would do anything he asked her. Instead of leaving, she leaned into his touch.

He moved his head towards hers but instead of kissing her, he touched his forehead to hers, She gently removed his hand from his face and brought it to her lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of it.

"We don't have to make any promises today, okay?" she whispered and he simply nodded. She smiled and stepped back, clutching his hand on hers. She was afraid that if she let it go, he might not come back.

"Come here." She led him to his suite and as they crossed his room to go to the bathroom she tried not to think too hard about the things they had done on that bed, even if she hadn't been thinking about anything else for months.

She sat him down at his toilet turned the shower on. She stood in front of him and slowly helped him out of his clothes, letting her fingers softly graze his body as she undressed him. It wasn't a sensual touch or anything- she just needed to feel his skin under her fingertips to make sure he was real, to make sure the whole thing wasn't some kind of twisted dream.

She stood up and looked down at him: drunk out of his mind, naked, looking more vulnerable than she ever remembered seeing him, and looking up at her with those ocean blue eyes full of… something she couldn't quite place, but she knew it was a good something. She smiled down at him and reached out to run her fingers through his hair. He leaned into her touch.

"Lexie... I'm sorry I was such an ass today. I'm sorry you have to see me like this." his voice was broken. All at once, she forgot any anger she had felt that night. She only wanted to be there for him, she wanted that moment to last forever- both of them letting their feelings for each other show, standing vulnerable in his bathroom with the steam from the hot water surrounding them, making everything look almost ethereal.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Let me take care of you now, okay?" her voice was so soft she didn't even recognize it. Ethan closed his eyes and simply nodded.She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, trying to let some of her affection for him translate into that touch. His breath caught in his throat.

She helped him get inside the shower but as she was trying to leave him- she wasn't sure of where they stood at that point, but she didn't want to push him too far- he grabbed her hand.

"Can you stay, please? Just… stay." he pleaded. Anything, she thought, I will do anything you ask me to.

"Of course. Just give me a minute okay?" she smiled at him and he nodded, sitting down on the bench on his shower wall and letting the water pour over him. She stepped out and peeled off her clothes, taking a moment to fathom the whole situation. Was it really happening?

She stepped back into the shower and smiled shyly at him. The weirdest thing was that there was no sexual energy in the air. She couldn't quite describe what was happening at that moment, but it felt almost pure. They were both vulnerable, and open, and just there. Letting go.  

They stood there in silence- he sitting on the bench, and she taking care of him- but it wasn't uncomfortable like inside the car. It was peaceful. Lexie helped him wash his hair, his body, wash away the alcohol and the regret. Suddenly, one word came to her mind: intimacy. That was what she was feeling at that moment, it was the energy surrounding them. He had literally been inside of her, but in that moment she felt closer and more connected to him than ever before. For the first time that night everything felt so simple. They could almost forget all the complications attached to their relationship. In that moment, none of that mattered.

He finally stood in the shower, facing her. She looked up at him and felt her heart skip a beat as he brushed one hand over her cheek.

"Thank you, Lexie" he whispered, then leaned down to press his forehead to hers. She knew where this was going.

"Ethan, we shouldn't..." she whispered back, her throat closing. She couldn't go through this again, she couldn't. She had said to him they didn't need to make any promises that night- but if they kissed, there was no going back for her. She didn't know what she would do if he leaned in but she also didn't know what she would do if he pulled back.

He moved his face lower and pressed a kiss to where her neck met her shoulders, making her hold back a small moan.

"I'm so sorry, Lexie. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I was an ass today. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm just sorry" he said, his voice cracking. She couldn't tell if the drops she felt on her shoulder were from the shower or his eyes.

"It's okay. I'm here" she said softly, wrapping her arms around him. His lips moved up again and slowly found hers in the most perfect kiss she could imagine. It was slow, soft, vulnerable and intimate. It wasn't a kiss like the ones they shared before. It was a quiet answer to all of their doubts.

God, she had missed those lips, those hands on her body, his taste- even if she could only taste the scotch. She had missed him.

Eventually, they broke apart. She was smiling despite of herself, but he looked serious. With their hands still around one another, she asked:

"Is everything alright?" she didn't want to admit that she was afraid of the answer. She couldn't have her heart broken by him again.

"Lexie, what is this for you?" he asked with a serious tone.

"What do you mean?"  

"This. Us."

Oh. She wasn't expecting that question right away. She searched his eyes and found that he didn't look drunk at all anymore.

"It's… I don't know, Ethan. It's not casual, that much I know. It's something I've been wanting even before we first kissed and haven't stopped wanting ever since." she admitted. She couldn't put into words exactly what they were for her, but her answer was as close as it could get. He seemed relieved.

"That's good to hear. You know me, you know these things aren't easy to me. I know this is too much to ask this soon, but I just needed to know if we are on the same page." he smiled and kissed her cheek. She was naked in the shower with him- the same man she had sex with twice- but that kiss on the cheek was what made her blush.

They took their time finish their shower; washing each other and getting lost in gentle kisses. The kind of closeness they experienced in that moment had nothing to do with sex; it felt somehow even more deep and intimate.

After Lexie dried herself and put on one of his bath robes, she went searching for her phone and found it under her clothes on Ethan's bathroom floor. There were multiple texts from Sienna; it was only then that she realized how long it had been since she told her roommate she was leaving the bar- and she never made it home. She discreetly closed the bathroom door and dialed her number. Sienna picked up after a couple of rings.

"Lexie, where the hell are you?" she sounded so concerned, which made Lexie feel guilty.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot to call you. Tonight was eventful, Sienna. But I'm fine."

"What do you mean with that? Where are you?  Why are you whispering?"

"I'm whispering because I'm in Ethan's bathroom, wearing his robe and I don't want him to hear me" she whispered furiously. There was a long silence on the other side of the call.

"Oh. Are you spending the night?" Sienna asked; Lexie could almost hear the grin on her voice.

"I think so. Yes. I'm not sure what's going on right now, but I'm fine and I have to go. I just needed to let you know that I'm alive, okay? I'll tell you all about it when I get the chance"

"Okay, sure. I'm just glad you're okay. Have fun and stay safe" Sienna said with a giggle and Lexie rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to ignore that. Bye, Sienna, I'll talk to you later" Lexie ended the call with a silly smile on her face, then returned to Ethan's room where he was waiting for her sitting on his bed, also wearing a robe.

"Who was that on the phone?" he asked with a smirk.

"You heard that, huh?" Lexie walked to the bed and laid down, propping her head on an elbow and looking at him.

"The walls are thin, and your whispers aren't as quiet as you think"

"It was Sienna. She was worried about me."

It was his time to lay down, mirroring her position and looking at her as well.

"And what did you say?"

"I told her the truth." Lexie reached between them and laced his fingers with hers. "That I'm fine and that I'm here. Is that okay?"

He gently stroked his thumb on her hand, smiling softly.

"I assumed you would have to have a conversation with Dr. Trinh and Dr. Greene after they caught me sneaking out of your room."

"Elijah pretended it didn't happen, but I did talk to Sienna. She's been there for me those months we've been apart. She knows exactly how hard it was for me when we had to end things, how hard it had been for me to even try to move on." She mentioned it casually, but his eyes filled with sorrow.

"Lexie, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you away when I should've fought for us, I'm sorry I distanced myself from you these past months. I'm mostly sorry that I hurt you." he moved his hands to her face, pushing the hair on her face behind her ear. "It kills me to hear you say how hard it's been for you and know it was my fault. But I want to fix that, okay? I’m here now.”

“Ethan, I understand why you did it. We can’t act like this isn’t complicated, because it is. But we can try to make it better, and we can try to make it work. Together.”

She closed the distance between them with a kiss that felt like a promise.

That night, they fell asleep together, naked, side by side, with a million different challenges and promises hanging between them. But, for that night, they chose to ignore everything else and just focus on the feeling of being in each other's arms once again.

---

tagging: @bryceslahelas @lahelalove @donutsgirl36 @queenkaneko @msjpuddleduck @niaellariious @flyawayboo @brightpinkpeppercorn @jlpplays1 @desiree---1986 @embarrassingsmartphonegame @mfackenthal @cerisesayeed-ramsey @chasingrobbie @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @akacalliope  @perriewinklenerdie​ @lastfirstcupcake​ @sparklinglilac @sofreakingdonewiththeworld​ @makingbadchoices​ @isabella-choices​ (let me know if you want to be added/removed from my tag list)

[flowerpowell]

The Boy Next Door (Colt x MC)

THE EPILOGUE

A/N: So... better late than never, I guess? I’m sorry it took me so long, I was so busy with life and everything but here it finally is, the epilogue!! ALSO!!! Please let me know if you’d like to remain on TBND taglist because there might be some one shots planned in this universe... Who knows... As always, I dont own the characters, they belong to Pixelberry. Feedback is always appreciated ♥

Rating: G, safe for everyone

Word count: 2065

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @desiree-0816 @lovehugsandcandy @walkerduchess @liamzigmichael4ever @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @hellomynameisdevi @client-327 @badchoicesposts @blackcatkita @pixel-thirsty @drakeismyweakness @donutsgirl36 @miss-raleigh-carrera @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @lovemychoices @mskaneko @missameliep @cora-nova ♥

“Hurry up, Colt!!!”

Colt rolled his eyes as he put on his shoes. They had time. They had plenty of time, at least three hours to be exact. And he didn’t understand the rush.

He looked at himself in the mirror, nodded and headed downstairs.

“Finally! I thought I’d have to go there by myself.” Ellie pouted but Colt only smiled. She looked beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman he ever saw and today she looked like an actual angel in that dress.

“We have a few hours before it begins. What’s the rush? Nothing will happen if we’re not on time,” he said but quickly regretted that when his girlfriend froze him with her stare.

“I’m kidding, please don’t stop loving me,” he walked up to her and kissed her forehead. She rolled her eyes.

“You’re lucky I love you. I actually promised I’d help Annya before it all begins.”

“You can’t stop helping people even on your big day? Man, I love you so much,” he tried to kiss her but she pulled him away.

“Colt! You’ll ruin my make up! And can we go now, please?”

Colt shook his head and took the car keys. He glanced at the living room before exiting the house. It’d been a few years since Ellie moved back there and they decorated the house together. It finally started looking more like actual home. And Colt even hung the picture of the dog playing the guitar for her.

“Colt? I thought you broke the picture?” Ellie asked him two days after coming back to the States. They were lying on the couch in the living room, watching Friends on repeat.

“Yeah, but I bought a new one.”

“Why? I thought you hated it...”

“I did, I do, but I saw it in the store the other day and it reminded me of you and I kinda wanted to have something to remind me of you,” he smiled nervously at her.

“I don’t know if it’s cute that you wanted to have something to remember me by or weird that a picture of a dog playing an instrument reminds you of me.”

Colt listened to his girlfriend cheerfully talking about the day while reminiscing about the day the two of them finally made up and started their life together. And it wasn’t as easy as Colt thought it would be. They argued more than ever, yelled at each other louder than ever but afterwards they always realized they loved each other more than before. Neither of them could imagine a life without the other person in it.

“Eeek, we’re here!” Ellie unbuckled the seatbelt and kissed Colt’s cheek before exiting the car. “I’ll see you later!”

Colt shook his head, a millionth time that day, and exited the car too. He walked around the campus for a bit but didn’t meet anyone familiar. Probably because the ceremony doesn’t start for like two more hours.

“Colt!” He turned to see Annya running up to him with a wide smile on her face.

“Hi, Mom,” he smiled back when she pulled him in a hug. Within almost four years they managed to get very close and Colt was grateful for his mom being in his life again.

“How’s Ellie?”

“She’s good. Too excited to stay at home, so we’re here that early,” Colt sighed and Annya laughed.

“Ahh, Ellie’s a good girl. I’m so happy you have someone like her in your life.”

“Yeah, me too, Mom.”

“So, when are you two getting married? I’d love some grandchildren to babysit.”

“Mooooom!”

“Okay, okay. We’ll talk about it later! I gotta go find Ellie and you wait here patiently so you’ll have a better view at your girlfriend graduating,” Annya hugged her son one more time before running off somewhere again.

He finally found a good place to sit and played with his phone for a while before people started coming. He fet someone patting him on the back and turned to see a familiar face.

“Logan?”

“Nice to see you, too,” Logan chuckled before Colt stood up and shook his hand. During these past four years, Logan became a close friend of him and Ellie but it was the first time since the morning after the argument that they met face to face again.

“What are you doing here?” Colt asked warily, noticing a dark-haired woman next to him.

“My best friend is graduating. What do you think?” Logan answered. He noticed Colt was still looking suspiciously at the woman beside him and let out a chuckle. “This Marianne, my girlfriend. Marianne, this is Colt, the jerkass I told you about it, Ellie’s boyfriend.”

“Gee, thanks for the introduction,” Colt smiled involuntarily when Marianne chuckled and extended her hand.

“Don’t worry, he’s never said anything bad about you,” Marianne said as he shook her hand.

“And he,” Colt pointed his finger at Logan, “never said anything at all about you! You little sneaky bastard!”

Logan laughed as he put his arm around Marianne and kissed her cheek. “I wanted to surprise you all.”

Colt wanted to say something again but the ceremony started and they all fell silent. Although, having to sit through forever-long ceremonies with other people wasn’t his favorite thing, Colt couldn’t help but feel happy. He smiled at his mother who waved at him from the stage. Logan and Marianne were sitting next to him, holding hands and chatting from time to time. When Ellie’s name was announed, Colt stood up and started clapping even though a few days before he swore it was a thing only old fathers did. At the moment, he didn’t care. He was proud of his girlfiend, he loved her and he wanted to show his support as she shook hands with the dean and everyone else in her beautiful dress. He saw Logan and Marianne standing up and clapping for Ellie as well and for the first time in many years, he felt grateful for the people in his life. Even for Ellie’s father who sat in a different row because he didn’t like Colt. He was happy.

~~~~

“To Ellie, on the day of her graduation,” Annya raised her glass full of champagne and the others followed suit. There weren’t many people around the table but Colt didn’t need anyone else. Ellie, him, Annya, Elle’s dad, Logan and his girlfriend, it was enough. Ellie quickly found common ground with Marianne and the two of them were gossiping quietly, avoiding concerned looks from their boyfriends.

“Do you think they’re talking about us?” Logan whispered to Colt, his eyes never leaving the girls.

“I’m sure of it. I’m sure Ellie’s telling her what a jerk I was to her a few years ago--”

“Ahem.” Annya cleared her throat interrupting their conversation. “As I was saying, I’ve known Ellie only for around four years but I treat her like my own daughter already and I’m so proud of her. Thank you for being good to my baby. Cheers to you!”

“Moooooooom,” Colt rolled his eyes. Even on Ellie’s graduation day his mom wouldn’t stop embarrassing him.

“Of course, Annya! I like taking care of your baby,” Ellie winked at Annya and the two of them bursted into laughter.

“Ellieeee,” he groaned.

“Okay, my turn. Ellie,” Detective Wheeler stood up and raised his glass, “I wasn’t happy when you told me you wanted to study so far away. I was even more upset when I found you were going to live in a house with him,” he pointed at Colt. “Then I was really not happy when you said you two were dating. I’m still not happy about this but my point it, I’m so proud of you for graduating, honey. Your taste in men might be questionable but I only want you to be happy and I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you,” Ellie’s Dad finished while Ellie wiped a tear from her cheek.

“Okay, now it’s my turn.” Logan stood up and Ellie looked at him confused. “Ellie, I know we share a history but I couldn’t be happier about the outcome. In the end, everything worked out for the best and today I am so proud of you. Whatever happened, happened, but I will always be your friend. And Colt’s friend too, of course.”

“Ditto,” Marianne said smiling warmly at Ellie as she chuckled.

“Awww, thank you guys!”

Colt cleared his throat before standing up. All eyes were on him and he fought the urge to tell everyone to stop staring for crying out loud.

“Ellie, I’m not good at speeches, you know that,” he started and Ellie nodded. “But today I want to make one because it is such a big day for you. When I first met you I didn’t understand why you were so crazy about studying. I remember when you asked me to give you a ride because you would die homeless, sick and unemployed if you were late to school. But today, seeing you so happy holding your diploma, ready to start a new chapter of your life, I get it. I hate school, but I get it. And I feel so fu--” he stopped and glanced at Detective Wheeler who raised an eyebrow, “so happy for you, Ellie. I knew you could do it, I’ve always known I had a smart girlfriend. But today is not only about graduation. Or at least I hope so. The past four years changed my life completely. You came and yeah, well, I’m not going to get into details but the point is, you made my life so much better. I don’t know if I ever was truly happy before I met you. These past four years were the happiest years of my life and I hope there’s still many more years together ahead of us. So, in other words,” Colt swallowed hard before getting down on one knee and retrieving a box from the pocket of his jacket. He heard Ellie gasping, her father’s quiet “come on,” and his mother’s not so quiet “finally.” He smiled at his girlfriend before opening the box. “Ellie Wheeler, will you marry me?”

“Yes, oh my gosh, Colt, yes!!!” Ellie threw herself into his arms, knocking him down on the floor. She kissed him through her tears and he kissed her back, not caring everyone was watching. He slipped the ring onto her finger and kissed her once again. Annya wrapped the two of them in a hug.

“Ahh, I am so happy and excited for both of you!!! I’ve been waiting for this to happen since I met Ellie!”

“Mom!!!”

“And the best part is, you’re going to be my mother-in-law!” Ellie exclaimed as Annya hugged her again.

“I thought marrying me was the best part?” Colt asked.

“It is! But the fact that Annya will be my family is a close second.”

“And Ellie will be my daugher-in-law!” Annya exclaimed happily.

“Gee, maybe you two should get married,” Colt rolled his eyes but no one listened to him.

“Well, I’m not exactly happy that Colt will be my son-in-law but at least his mother is great,” Detective Wheeler added and Colt shot him an annoyed look.

“May I remind you all that my mom becomes your family because I am marrying Ellie?” Colt tried again but everyone was engaged in their conversations. He heard Marianne talking to Ellie about wedding dresses and venues ideas, Mr Wheeler talking to Annya about what a bad influence Colt is on Ellie and Annya only laughing in response. Logan approached Colt and patted him on the back.

“Congrats! I’m happy for you two.”

“Yeah, thanks. It seems like you’re the only one that’s happy for me, too.” He murmured and Logan chuckled. Ellie walked up to him and kissed his cheeck.

“I am very happy.” She snuggled closer to him. She looked at him and lowered her voice so only he could hear her. “And I’ll prove how much you, very, very soon.”

[hellreads]

Chapters: 8/8 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kim Namjoon | Rap Monster/Reader Characters: Kim Namjoon | Rap Monster Additional Tags: Angst, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Smut, Slow Burn

Summary:

You are betrothed to Kim Namjoon, the heir of a real estate mogul. To say that it was a fairytale romance would be erroneous. You’re instead loped in the sad tale of the rich and melancholy.

I am lost for words once again, this is such a beautifully written story, I have immersed once again into the role of a beautifully awkward woman who’s betrothed to Kim Namjoon.

what is love? how do you know it’s love? how do you know you’re in love? those were the questions I asked myself while reading this and wondering if all of this was worth it because I am fully aware of how beautiful love is, it’s one of the best feelings one could ever have, but it can also crush your heart to pieces because when you love someone you can’t just choose happiness then leave when you feel like everything’s too much, you have to take everything in, face the beautiful melody and the eerily haunting ones too and I applaud our MC here for loving with all her heart even if it’s painfully obvious that she got the short end of the stick and has to work her way to the top in order for things to work because even if all of this was just a farce she wanted to try, she wanted this to work because she wants to love and be loved. 

I applaud op for writing such an amazing story her inspiration to write it made it hurt more because I have seen What Happened in Bali when it was released but I was too young back then to understand the dynamics of their relationship all I know was Jo In Sung was my type hjsdfgjsgdfjksd anyway be informed that this is a slow burn story if you can’t handle too much tension and build-up you might find this bland at first but you really should give it a read (especially if you’re after the smut because it’s worth the wait I promise) op made sure we know everyone’s backstory, I’m satisfied she chose that path in unraveling this equally beautiful and heartbreaking story, to be in MC’s shoes I would lose my mind, I’m a creature made to love so if I’d be set-up to marry someone for money, I won’t have the heart to fight my parents so just like her I would try, but with their set-up, Namjoon obviously just an empty shell drained by his former love who still owned his heart is painful, how can you try when his heart belongs to someone else? it’s frustrating and I would walk away just keep up the act for the press and leave once the contract expires.

the characters here are written as if they actually exist as if this was based on true events, tbh I hated all of them at some point even the MC (but my love for her was greater so I won’t elaborate on that one), but I’m starting (I'll be talking as if she was actually me because I literally absorbed and immersed all of her beautiful fucking pain) with the person I hated the most aka Namjoon, you literally crushed me and my hopes in some parts baby, it kinda hurt seeing photos of you in my dash after reading those parts that made me hate bits and pieces of you, but what I hate the most is that I can’t dare to fucking hate you with all I have because you are you, it was a lost cause to even try because I was too immersed and I loved you too much to just fucking flip and walk away from you, though I did pray for you to suffer longer, but you have suffered long enough from women who kept on taking parts of you with them, I am here to pour all of me onto you and fill you with love and heal until you’re you again, the Namjoon that got whipped for me at some point, the Namjoon that whipped me, the Namjoon that fate bestowed upon me with a challenge, the Namjoon I learned to love and spend forever with. Sana, I hated you from the beginning until the end, you were you and I would never fill the hole you left in his heart, but did you really have to hurt me and smack to my face how immaculate you are? you have good intentions and you were mature and I’m nothing but a petty mess but this is me, I wanted to love him in hopes he’d learn to love me too but you keep getting in the way, tbh I never like the friendship you offered, nor the projects you were proposing, it was for a cause but I am petty insecure mess and I see you as a threat, I saw you as a sly snake who would bite me with venom if you fail to make me pliant to your requests, but I trusted Namjoon though it was uncomfortable (I’m not comfy with it because it happened to me before and I happen to have a shitty memory of it so I’m not willing to do it all over again) but op was right, she wrote you in a way people would find it hard to hate you, I felt that way but my petty side got the best of me. Chairman Kim Je-Dong, I hated you for taking Namjoon away from me when I still had no clue as to why it happened that way, and the moments interrupted but I love and respect you with all my heart father, because if it weren’t for your advice I wouldn’t be this happy, thank you. I think the rest of my hate-spree were petty lol, so I’ll stop here now.

what I’m trying to say is this story greatly affected me, I have never felt so livid and bursting with tears at a fictional argument, it freakin’ ripped my heart to shreds, I was a crying mess during the fight, I felt like this was it, it’s the end, but they just needed to be petty and take a break from each other, I only fully understood their pain as soon as MC started to retaliate, both have their valid points this is why they should’ve remained honest with each other, honest about digging his past, and knowing him thru that small gift and be honest and not make any promises you can’t keep for fucks sake their marriage is painfully accurate because it happens irl, men slaves to their work to make a living, women either work or take care of the house and kids if they have any, and not everyone has the time to address the issue until everything is falling apart, and irreparable. I have fallen head over heels in love forgetting about the fact that this was all for show, they were a perfect match if you ask me, I keep getting butterflies in my stomach, they literally made me believe in the process of falling in love, it wasn’t rushed at all and their cute date moments made my heart combust, what more could I ask for? and when he knew that this was it god those moments crushed me and made me a really sad ball of floof covered in salty tears, all emotions were just so intense even the dramatic moments that tested me and probably everyone out, the hospital scene, the park scene, the villa scene, all of it making my heart hurt so much I cry. the smut took a while before we got what we all were thirsty for but it was so worth it, even if it dragged for quite some time I couldn’t complain because he did make up for it and it was all good. 

in short this fic teaches us to be open, honest and loving, open your eyes and your heart for a new love, if you’ve been hurt before don’t close your doors happiness doesn’t happen once, sure somebody made you happy before but eventually had the heart to hurt you but your happiness doesn’t end there, let someone enter your life and make you feel happy once again. be honest and communicative about everything with your lover, talk about your feelings, your concerns, things about your day, food you ate, conversations you had, deals you closed, people you encountered, small talk matters in any relationship, hell you can even talk about potatoes and it would assure your lover you still care but never lie about anything because people can see through us especially when you love someone it’s much easier to decipher their emotions even if we don’t want to accept it if it’s not a pleasant one. be loving, don’t let your past harden your heart, love, again and again, and again if you must, because that’s probably the only salvation we’ll get in this hellhole. again op thank you for this masterpiece these words may not get to you but I hope wherever you are, you are doing good and know that you are amazing! | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[queerchoicesblog]

A Father’s Daughter (D&D, Annabelle x MC)

Requested by  @esteladannishreyakamilah, this is my VDay D&D entry for the February Challenge by @endlessly-searching-for-you. ❤️

Notice that I wrote this fanfic before the “pistols at dawn” plotwtist so consider this taking place after the trip to Grovershire. It deviates slighlty from the canon in the end (I couldn’t remember the original line of Lady Grandmother and I made up another xD).

Frustrated by the latest events at Edgewater, Elizabeth wrote an impossible letter to her father, drawing similarities between their sentimental fate: why can’t their family understand the true meaning of love? 

Prompt: Forbidden Love

Word Count: 1128

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @psychopathdreamer21 @abunchofbadchoices @bbaba-yagaa @silverhawkenzie @melodyofgraves​ 

Tags: @kennaxval  @kinda-iconic  @countessannabelle (hope you like it sweetheart)

_________________________

Dear Father, I hope that this letter you will never receive finds you at peace and finally reunited to your long lost true love, my beloved mother. I miss you both. I know that I hardly knew you but I miss you dearly, cursing all the years we spent separated and unaware of each other. If only you were still here... Since you were gone, things got worse over here in your well-loved Edgewater. Winds of war started blowing and the ominous shadow of a tyrant lingers over us. I'm sure you remember Duke Richards: apparently, Lady Grandmother, the Dowager Countess, fell for his charms and is going above and beyond to make this wedding happen. She still gushes over the Queen's blessing and how rich and noble Mr Richards is. Noble? How can a pompous narcissistic beast like him be even called a man not to mention noble? He may have a gentleman facade but he's one of the meanest people I've ever met. Underneath his accomplished appearance, he hides a big bad wolf and I don't want to be his prey. I will fight until my last breath if need be! He's arrogant and toxic, he belittles everyone he considers inferior to him and the meaning of the word "empathy" is unknown to him. He abuses of his power and even assaulted me! How could I even consider marrying someone like him? Please tell me, Father! I cannot undestand why your Mother doesn't pay the same respect to other men, genuine noble souls, unlike the monster she worships She doesn't listen to my complaints: she "knows best what's good for Edgewater". I'm afraid she will realize the mistake she made too late...

Oh Father, if only I think about our last conversation on your death-bed, what you told me! All you wanted was my happiness: that I marry for love not out of mere convenience. I had a plan to make it happens: good Mr Chambers made me a proposal but Lady Grandmother ruined everything, forcing my engagement with Duke Richards. She would rather see me sacrifice my joy for her greater good -not mine-, her selfish ambition than see me happy with someone I choose on my own. I know it's harsh and I wish I didn't have to speak in such a petty manner of my your mother, but I'm afraid I have no choice. Was she like that with you too when you were younger? I bet she didn't approve mom too. How could you two be of the same kin? She and your Father can't hold a candle to the gentleness and sweetness shining inside of you. They're so stubborn and selfish: I found myself wondering if lady Grandmother actually loves me as her granddaughter. Or anyone else, for the matter. It saddens me that you may have shared similar thoughts when you were among the livings. 

I sneaked away to Grovershire, my old village. I couldn’t be in Edgewater anymore, I couldn’t even bare the sight of her and her beloved Duke Richards. Once I reached the places of my childhood, I breathed again. My life was so easier when I lived there...and I will always belong there no matter what the future holds. Mrs O’Malley, our wondrous tailor, the kids, the extraordinary baker who provides the best apple tarts of whole England, Mrs Daly...they were all there. Oh the wave of memories that hit me, Father! And the surprise of seeing that among them there were other familiar and friendly figures, like Mr Harper, Mr Sinclaire and Prince Hamid! They all came there when they heard the news of my “escape”. Miss Parsons immediatly left Hazelvale too. I had to beg my heart to be still when Briar gestured me to look over my shoulder and she was there, gracefully waving at me on the opposite side of the square.

I can’t find words strong enough to describe how I feel about her, Father. The heart beating in my chest doesn’t belong to me anymore, it’s hers, my mind belongs to her as well since I keep daydreaming of her when she’s not around. Her melodious laugh, the sound of her voice, the gleam in her beautiful dark eyes when we notice me looking at her across the room, the soft smile immediatly forming on her lips...these things never leave me, even when we are apart. And, to be honest, they make my life worth living at the moment. She’s my harbour, my love and -Father pretend not to read this if it makes you blush too- my passion. Did you and mom feel the same way back then? 

I felt on top of the world when in Grovershire I walked down the street with Annabelle on my arm. Nobody stared maliciously at us nor turned their head away disgusted. They just nodded and smiled as they walked by: my heart almost exploded with joy. It certainly went boom when I danced with my fair lady of Hazelvale in the square with my friends and we were all simply merry, careless. I felt free, Father. And oh, how could I describe the joy that kindled inside me when I was crowned Queen of the Harvest Feast and I got to choose Annabelle, sweet, fierce Annabelle as my King!

That joy faded soon though, too soon. Lady Grandmother found me and my freedom was over once again. She made a beeline towards me through the crowd: disdain and fury were written all over her face while she walked imperiously as if she owned the place. And then her eyes fell on me...and Annabelle frozen in place, still down on one knee beside me, courtly holding my hand. Lady Grandmother’s stare grew cold, probably colder than I’ve ever seen, and she hissed, looking at me: “You truly are your father’s daughter, Elizabeth. You’re coming with me. Now.”. And now she forced me back to Edgewater, exactly where she wanted me to be. Oh dear Father, when you were here, Edgewater was such a lovely place to me: it was where we could be together, it meant you. Now, after your death, it's nothing but a trap, sadly. Its now familiar shape in the horizon turned my happiness into sorrow and made my heart tightened. The mere thought of living under the same roof, breathing the same air, the possibility of accidentally bumping into that hideous man in your house Father - your house, not his! - makes me sick. That snake repels me and I will never understand why for the world he's more suitable for me than Miss Parsons, the rare gem I will be eternally loyal and devoted to. Paraphrasing forlorn Hamlet, "something is rotten in the land of her Majesty", something is so very rotten...

[gaiyofanfiction]

Misfortune Chapter 1

Prologue - Prologue Pt. 2 - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Idol!Jaebum x Solo Idol!Reader

Drama/Slight comedy

A/N: YAY FIRST CHAPTER! We’re so sorry it took so long, but were finally posting! We hope you like it!

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. The name of the idol (reader) as well as the fandom name are fake and made up by us. The real life idol’s personalities portrayed in this fic are also made up by us. To our knowledge, the idols in real life are total sweethearts. We do NOT condone fandom wars or trashing idols in the SLIGHTEST. We are hoping this story will bring awareness to how stupid and toxic fandom wars can be.

Trigger Warning: Anxiety attacks, flashbacks and depression for the most part. Toxic fandom wars and bullying (Which we’ll explain further into the story). May be something later.

~~~

“Alright! Did everyone enjoy VAV's performance?!”

The crowd goes wild in response to Mark Tuan’s question. Jackson cheers next to him before speaking into his microphone.

“They did an amazing job, as always! Up next we have JYP’s own Rookie Group, Stray Kids!”

“Let's KCON!”

You hear the crowd grow louder for Stray Kids who you watch walk out on stage. You hear the beginning of Jisung and Changbin’s rap.

Your breathing grows heavy, knowing you're up soon. You practice your vocal exercises backstage, thinking about your lyrics and dance moves.

“I still can't believe you're actually here, in the same place as Got7. Who thought that was a good idea?”

You close your eyes, trying to ignore the snooty sounding voice from behind. ‘Lyrics and dance, Y/N. That's what you need to be focusing on’

“I mean, she did try to ruin JJProject's image all those years ago. That little liar was probably brought here as a publicity stunt, not actually because she has any talent.”

“Lord, help me,” you breathe out quietly before turning to face the nasty commentators, who just happen to be Nayun and Daisy of Momoland.

“Anything else you have to say to me, you better spit it out now. I have better things to be doing.” You cross your arms.

Daisy raises a brow. “Oh there's a lot I could say.”

“Do you two have anything better to do than bring up seven-year-old bullshit?”

You hear a voice coming from behind you, making you sigh with relief. Jimin walks up next to you, leaning an arm into your shoulder.

Nayun glares at the 15& member. “You're part of JYP and you're still on her side?”

Jimin grinds her teeth, trying to keep her temper. “Well, unlike some people, I listen to all the facts before jumping to conclusions. She also happens to be my best friend and I believe her.” She smiles sarcastically.

Before one of them can say anything else, you see Mark and Jackson walk up, joining your little powwow.

“Don't you two have a fan meet in an hour to get ready for?” Mark tilts his head, unimpressed with the current issue at hand.

Knowing they're outnumbered, Daisy and Nayun scoff and walk away. You sigh with relief and lay your head onto Jimin's arm.

“Thanks guys. I just don't have the energy to argue about this subject right now.”

Jimin pats your head with a frown. “No one messes with my wifey!”

Jackson slaps your back harder than he meant to, earning an ‘ow’ from you. “We got you, Y/N. Don't worry.”

“I still don't understand why at times, since your leader and I have the biggest rivalry in kpop history.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “We’re grown ass men who can decide for themselves who to befriend. You never did anything to us, why should we hate you?”

You smile at your old company friends, happy to still have them in your life. You hear the crowd cheering, signaling the end of the performance.

“Oh shit, Jackson, we gotta go. Cya Y/N! Can't wait to see you perform!”

Mark waves to you, pulling a complaining Jackson along with him. You hear a faint ‘Ugh, why did we agree to MC, again?’ coming from the Chinese boy, making you chuckle.

You notice Stray Kids exiting from on stage. You wave to your old friend, Bang Chan.

“Chris! You guys did amazing as always!” you yell with a smile.

The boy stiffens at the sound of your voice, turning his head slightly to make eye contact. He gives you a half hearted, closed mouth smile before quickly turning his attention elsewhere. Minho and Changbin shoot you a glare before ushering the rest of the group the opposite direction.

Your hand drops to your side as you groan. “Oh yeah, I forgot he hates my guts.”

Jimin hooks her arm with yours, pulling you in close. “Well, honey, you did kinda leave the company with no word. He probably felt slightly betrayed.”

You mumble at the response. You remember that day seven years ago.

You and Chan were pretty close during your last year as a trainee. He had come to the company in 2010 and you had taken him under your wing, being a trainee for three years prior. You both became pretty close friends, along with BamBam, Jimin, Mark, Jackson and JB.

After the incident at the showcase, you had left the company the next day with no word, no warning. The only people you stayed in contact with was Jimin, Mark, Jackson and BamBam. You didn't say anything to Chan, fearing he would hate you after what you had accused JB of. He must have felt betrayed by one of his best friends, because he hasn't talked to you since then. Every time he sees you, he avoids you like the plague.

“I was afraid of him not believing me about what happened. He looked up to JB and Jinyoung as mentors, I didn't want him to hate me.” You sigh, watching Stray Kids hurry themselves out from backstage. “Guess he ended up hating me anyway. And now the rest of them do too.”

Jimin pulls you in for a hug, trying her best to comfort you. She squeezes you tight. “It'll all work out in the end, sweetie. I promise.”

She pulls away as she receives a text message. “Looks like I'm going on stage soon. I got to go get ready. Just remember to hang in there.” She raises a fist in the air. “I'll be cheering you on while you're out there. KIT and Kittens, fighting!”

You give your best friend a smile, happy that she's here with you. She blows you a kiss as she walks back to her manager who's waiting for her.

“Y/N noona!”

You turn to see BamBam running towards you with a smile. Despite being fairly hated throughout the industry, you’re surprised so many people were happy to see you.

“Hey Bammie!” you open your arms to receive a big hug.

“Ah, I'm so glad you're here. We haven't seen each other in awhile.” He squeezes you so tightly, you could hardly breath.

“BamBam-ah, if you squeeze her too tightly, she might pop.”

Your entire body freezes as soon as you hear his voice.

You slowly turn around to see the reason for your last seven years of misery, the handsome face of your nightmares.

JB smirks at you, giving you the once over. “Well, look at what the cat dragged in. If it isn't the infamous Y/N. Or should I call you KIT?”

You set a hard glare on your face. “Or you could not talk to me at all, that would be good too.” You raise a brow. “If that was your attempt at an insult, it was pretty shitty. Try again.”

BamBam gave JB an awkward look, “yeah, even I didn’t find that good.”

You scrunch your nose at BamBam’s comment. “Um, thanks?”

JB chuckles coolly. “Damn, you're as cold as ever, aren't you. I remember the days where you were such a sweetie.”

You take a step towards him, poking a finger into his chest. “Yeah, all because of you, ya ass. If you didn't do what you did seven years ago, maybe I'd still be a nice person.”

JB glares at the finger in his chest. He takes a step forward pushing you a step backwards. “Don't go around lying like that, Y/N. It's not good for your image.” His glare turns back into a condescending smirk. “Well, what's left of it anyway.”

The two of you are almost nose to nose. As beautiful of a face that he has, the love you once felt for him is long gone. Everyone around you could feel the resentment and hatred seeping from the two of you.

BamBam laughs awkwardly before pulling you away from the smirking boy. “Alright, let's not do this here. Y/N, you should probably go and get ready. You're up soon.”

You let BamBam pull you back, but your icy glare stays glued to JB. Quickly you look at the lineup posted on the wall. You relax a little bit and nudge BamBam to let you go.

“It looks like I’m performing before you. It’s just ‘cause I’m better.” You chuckle as you lean against a pillar like you’ve won this argument.

JB slaps his knees and bursts out laughing. “Oh ho-ho-ho. You are sadly mistaken. Sweetie, you are the opening act. Got7 is the main act of Kcon this year. Did you oversleep again and miss the announcement?”

Everyone around you giggled quietly. BamBam put a hand on your shoulder, but you immediately pull away from his attempt at reassurance. Completely embarrassed you didn’t know what to do. It was like a scene from your nightmares. Everything staring at you, laughing. ‘Not again, god not like this.’

You became overwhelmed with emotions; so much anger and resentment. You bare your teeth and growl at him like a wildcat that’s ready to pounce, both fists clenched. You realize though that this isn’t you. You wouldn’t hurt him even though he’s done so much to you. This realization makes you feel completely vulnerable.

“What? You going to punch me little KIT?” JB mocks you with a condescending tone of voice.

‘Why does it have to be me? What have I done to you?’ You bite your lip trying to hold back the angry tears.

Suddenly you hear your name on the loudspeaker, making you snap your attention away from the situation at hand. Your anxiety spiking, you grab your headset and make your way to the edge of the stage.

“Don’t choke!” JB winks and leave, laughing on his way out.

You do your best to ignore him, knowing if you dwell on it, you really will choke. You take a deep breath and focus yourself. You hear Mark and Jackson from out in the audience.

“Up next, we have miss KIT herself! Please give her a warm LA welcome! Let’s KCON!”

‘Alright, Y/N. It’s your time to shine.’

~~~

[Masterlist]

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on DD Book 1 Chapter 5

• Content Warning: There are references to slut shaming while speaking about opera singers, and I speak about executions in the Hamid scene (I've not added grisly details or anything, but to me what I have included does sound a little macabre). I don't know if those warrant a warning, but I'd like to err on the side of caution and ensure that anyone comfortable with that knows this before they make the decision to proceed.

• Okay on with the QT!

• Why hello there, fancy hot looking Ottoman prince dude.

• Looks like not one but both of my MCs will be living the thot life.

• Apologies for the huge delay guys. There was a LOT to unpack this chapter, and it took me a while to actually explore, confirm my research and get a clear idea overall of how I wanted to approach this one. I'm hoping once TRR ends I can get these babies out earlier.

• You know what I realised? The Lady Grandma LIKES a sassy bitch. There are several times this chapter she's actually been more approving of my headstrong Marianne than she has been of my more mild-mannered Florence. See all of this:

She's mostly approving of this, however, when Henrietta is the recipient of this behaviour, but there are also points where she appreciates the MC's candor (if she chooses to show it) such as if the MC refers to the art of the fan as "ridiculous". If there is one thing that consistently gets on Dominique's nerves, it is occasions where the MC might speak of herself and her former background negatively, mostly out of annoyance because it shows she hasn't comfortably settled into her role yet, and Dominique needs the MC to do so if Edgewater is to stay within in the family and bloodline.

• Also I love the subtle streak of independence we get to see in Annabelle. She is someone who is doing what is expected of her, someone who tries to make the best of her circumstances the only way she knows how, but she is also refreshingly open about how stressful it is for her to go down this path, even in her free scenes. She is also playful and mischievous and doesn't take herself too seriously, which makes a lot of her scenes a joy to do.

• I also really really liked the option where you tell her she's the one you want to marry, and her reaction is both a disbelief that such a dream could come true alongside a receptiveness to the idea. It's soft and sweet and beautiful.

• So we start out with a crash course on the nobility we'll meet in London (Alfred Halloway, whose daughter Felicity is debuting this season, and the Barrymore family, who are related to the Halloways by marriage). Only this time, Annabelle wants to be a snarky little boss and fill the MC in on all the juicy gossip that Lady Grandmother won't give her.

• Lady Grandmother: Alfred Holloway is the viscount of Lochdale. His daughter, Felicity, will be coming from her estate at Bellington Hall to make her debut this season.

Miss Parsons: Alfred Holloway is an arrogant prig who looks like an Easter ham studded with cloves.

(For the record, this is what a clove-studded Easter ham seems to look like:

Holy shit Annabelle you savage af)

Lady Grandmother: Miss Holloway's family is also tied by marriage to the Earl of Barrymore...

Miss Parsons: Oh, avoid the Earl of Barrymore. His bed has more traffic than Drury Lane!

Annabelle here must be referring to the crowd that tends to flock around the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, which was popular as a source of entertainment for its plays and had a seating capacity of 3000 people.

• The free scene with Annabelle is important because it eases us gently into the main themes of her scene later on. The women get to speak about the whole concept of a "marriage market", and straight off the bat Annabelle lets us know how uncomfortable she is with having to go through a wedding to another man.

• She also speaks about what else - besides the fact that Harry was her closest friend - about his death affected her. Having been promised to Harry, Annabelle didn't have to go through the rigamarole of finding a husband. She had learned to settle with the idea of being married to someone who she knew and liked at least, if not loved. It's sad to us modern readers now that Annabelle would have to settle for less than passion or love, but back then I don't think she could have imagined a better deal. And now...and now she will have to settle for even less than what she had with Harry. This was a pretty neat way of easing us into the larger conversation she has with us in her diamond scene.

• A few days pass, and Briar is now helping us get ready for the trip to London. You have the option of encouraging her romance with Mr Woods, which...cmon. They cute 😊

•

Ooh so our House Colours are navy blue and gold! (considering that the Earl's default outfit itself is navy blue, I should have figured that would be a house colour). It's nice but MY NECK WHERE IS MY NECK.

Did You Know: that up until the middle of the 19th century, men's and women's riding habits were largely made by men in a distinctively masculine style. This is what Candice Hern's article "Regency Habits, Overview" on her website Regency World, says:

"Though the style and cut of riding habits changed with time and fashion, they continued to be tailored in a masculine style throughout the 17th and 18th centuries and into the early 19th century. In La Belle Assemblée in 1815, we read that: “Habits have, ever since they were first brought into fashion, been considered as decidedly calculated to give even the most delicate female a masculine appearance, and the wits of our grandmothers’ days were unmercifully severe on the waistcoat, cravat, and man’s hat which were then the indispensible appendages to a habit.”"

•

YOU'RE NOT COMING WTF DAD NO.

• WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'LL DO TO YOU WHILE I'M GONE.

• I'm having a sinking feeling about leaving my old dad around in this house while Henrietta is still there, Grandma had better be his bodyguard (or maybe not. Cordonians seem to have weird ideas of what constitutes a successful bodyguard *COUGHCOUGH Mara and Bastien COUGHCOUGH*).

�� Like most of the fandom I have a feeling the Earl will die sooner than we think. @i-dream-so-i-write once mentioned that it could well be towards the end of the book, and I think that's a fitting dramatic turn this book would take into the next. I'm going to miss the hell outta this guy though 😟

• Henrietta sent Mr Marlcaster and Miss Sutton ahead of time so they can screw things up for us, so we will need to butter them up like no tomorrow when we reach there, apparently.

• Hello Luke! It's been exactly one chapter!

• Kinda like the bonding the MC and Luke have with regards to the horse. Their first real conversation began with Clover, so it is fitting that their bonding continues over her at least for their initial interactions.

• Aww man, Henrietta wants Clover the horse to be sold and they give you a diamond option to keep her, name her and get extra scenes with her. Florence calls her Moonstone, Marianne calls her Pepper. Moonstone suits Florence's particular sense of whimsy, and I figured Marianne would want something short and snappy and it helped that Luke gave the horse some salt before the diamond option came up 😂

It's a fairly nice scene I guess, but it drives me batty because this book is already taking astronomical sums of money early on in the book, and people are already beginning to get frustrated. Even TRR, which is a pretty expensive book, took more than half the book before they pushed forward the option to buy the Derby horse. It just is beginning to feel like too much too soon at this point.

• Of all the free scenes this chapter, my favourite has to be the exchange among the four in the picnic en route London.

I found this particularly interesting because all of these people, so far, have been outside the rigors of the Season in some way or other. Briar is the most outside of this system of doing things: she has grown up completely out of it and will probably always struggle to understand the way things work within the gentry. Luke has spent years in that environment (that of the gentry) so he knows some of it, but he still is and will always be an outsider. Annabelle has grown up in this environment and is perhaps the closest to it, but has never had to take active part due to her association with Harry and the Edgewater Estate. And the MC straddles both these worlds. She is an heiress, part of this high society, but she was born in and more familiar with Briar's worldview. And I love how this scene captures all this in just a few bits of dialogue.

• Also Luke's sensible response to Annabelle's question and Briar being a teasing little imp is super cute, I will fight anyone who disagrees with me on this 😂😂😂

• So many gems nestled in Annabelle's scene guys I can't even. There's so much going on in this one. So much.

•

The main thing this scene does is to - without a doubt - establish Annabelle as a closeted lesbian. She's still at the stage where she's aware and finds it odd that she doesn't hold any affection for any man, that the idea itself of marriage frustrates her, and her growing confusion that she's now feeling for a woman all that she "should" be feeling for a man. There are points where she almost welcomes it, like the scene I mentioned earlier, but she still is clearly struggling.

The MC has three ways of responding to this - one where she misses the point completely and says "you haven't found the right man yet" (Marianne, unfortunately), another where she states that she "understands" (which is left open - either it is a gesture of support from an ally, or it is from someone who understands her dilemma to...well...some extent. Florence is the second. She is bi, so her "I understand" was basically "I've fallen for some men sure but I also have a hard time figuring out what my sexuality is"). My favourite is the response where the MC speaks of facing a similar dilemma in her life and is an excellent choice if your MC is also a lesbian. I couldn't use this one for Florence or Marianne because it didn't ring true for either of them, but I did see the screenshots on tumblr and it's quite poignant.

Did You Know: Lesbian/sapphic relationships and sex were not as much seen as illegal as invisible...and this was an attitude that a later monarch, Queen Victoria, would uphold as well, refusing to sign a legislation to criminalize it by insisting that "women do not do such things". Obviously as we all know, she couldn't be any more wrong. Today we know of famous lesbian women of the Regency as Anne Lister, owner of Shibden Hall, and the Ladies of Llangollen - two women from Ireland named Eleanor Butler and Sarah Ponsonby, who had a romantic relationship for over 50 years. Gail Eastwood, in an article titled "Queer in the Regency: a Slice of Once-Hidden LGBT History" says:

Defying their families, the two established an estate in Wales, called Plas Newydd, rather than enter into marriages with men they did not love. Though they incurred significant debt in order to have a staff, they survived on the generosity of friends until a fascinated Queen Charlotte convinced King George III to grant them a pension.

Plas Newydd became something of a haven for writers during the Regency era, especially since the couple living there could afford to keep it. 

Part of me wonders if elements of this story may be found in the Annabelle x MC route. Or like Anne Lister, who was well-endowed enough financially that she could refrain from marriage and have relationships with women. Maybe, or - given the limitations of having to chart out a storyline that will suit every LI - maybe not. Whatever it is, I'd be very interested in finding out how they'll handle the MC's romance with Annabelle.

• The second most interesting thing is Annabelle speaking about her poetry, and the restrictions her father has kept on her talent. She mentions him looking down on women's poetry as being "all bad rhymes and flowery sentiment", and that - in keeping with the times - he prefers Romantic Age poets such as Wordsworth, and that famous influence on Romanticism, Shakespeare. If we choose to ask her about showing us her poetry, she tells us her writing is "of a...delicate nature" (get it, girl! 😀) and if we choose to encourage her instead, the MC makes references to Mary Wollstonecraft, whose ideas of gender equality were considered radical for the times, and who is seen as one of the earliest feminist icons.

Did You Know: that in a time when female education was mainly geared to prepare women for their domestic roles, Mary Wollstonecraft advocated for women to receive an education that would help them survive beyond the home and the marriage market, stating that the one real barrier in the way of gender equality was the disparity in the education women received compared to men. She says, "this homage to women’s attractions has distorted their understanding to such an extent that almost all the civilized women of the present century are anxious only to inspire love, when they ought to have the nobler aim of getting respect for their abilities and virtues".

Her daughter, Mary Shelley, would write the famous novel Frankenstein in 1818, two years following the events of Desire and Decorum.

• Within this scene also lies a little tidbit that will hold some importance in Chapter 7: the MC tells Annabelle that her mother used to sing in the opera:

So this could be the root of some of the snarky remarks Henrietta makes about the MC's mother. She has close pretty darn close to calling her a "prostitute" on more than one occasion, and her comment after the MC sang along with Annabelle in chapter 3 about how it was "no wonder" that the MC could sing, given her mother's profession.

Did You Know: Opera singers had a very different reputation in the Regency era, not all of it very positive. Shana Galen, who is described as a Regency adventure author, speaks about how opera singers were viewed at the time: Of course, it was perfectly acceptable for a young lady to show her talents on the pianoforte or to sing in front of a small group of family and friends, but performing on the stage at Drury Lane or Covent Garden were frowned upon.

Female performers, especially, were shunned by society. One example of this sort of attitude was seen in the ridicule faced by a singer named Dorothea Jordan, who had an long-running affair with a Duke, bore him ten children, and who was the subject of a "satirical cartoon that showed her in her bedroom, gazing adoringly at a duchess’ coronet, which she hopes someday to wear by marrying her lover. A map on the wall purports to show the route from “Strolling Lane” (i.e. prostitution) through “Old Drury Common” all the way to “Derbyshire Peak.” A genealogical chart of the nobility lies on her dressing table, and her bed-hangings are crowned by a Phrygian cap, symbol of the French Revolution. The latter is intended to ridicule her pretensions to nobility; as a common woman, let alone an actress, she should know her place" ("Glimpse at Opera during Jane Austen's Lifetime" by Maggi Andersen, for the blog Historical Hearts).

• Luke's scene on the other hand is lighter in content but is important if you look at it from the viewpoint of establishing his role in the MC's life before they reach London. As a neutral friend, he is happy to serve her and considers her a vast improvement over Countess Henrietta. He tells her that she possesses what Henrietta lacks, understands something that Henrietta would never understand in several lifetimes: that looking down on people she believes as her 'inferiors' will leave her at a disadvantage eventually.

But if you hint at having feelings for Luke, the entire mood of the scene changes, and you see him feeling torn between his growing affections for her and his recognition that any relationship beyond the professional will end badly for them all.

• The thing with both Luke and Annabelle is that to not fall for them is to maintain the status quo. So even if there is an element of attraction, the MC not reciprocating does not tip the delicate balance that governs their lives at Edgewater over. But when she does...it gives rise both to moments of joy...and moments of fear.

• Ooh I love the animation for the train!!

I mean...just...look at this!

• The MC and Briar get to react in awe to their first sight of London before they get down from the carriage. We find out that we're pretty much stranded on the streets of London and no one has come to pick us up. Gee thanks, stepbro.

• Not gonna lie, but seeing Prince Hamid's shocked!face on his full-body shot made me giggle a little.

• He introduces himself as Imperial Prince Hamid, cousin to "his Imperial Majesty Mahmoud the Second, Caliph of Islam, Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, and Custodian of the Two Mosques (the last especially was used in royal titles for many Islamic rulers, and refers to the Al-Haram Mosque (al-Masjid al-Ḥarām) of Mecca, and the Prophet's Mosque (Al-Masjid An-Nabawī) of Medina).

• In a sense he kinda reminds me of Kamilah: he is a fictional character positioned as being related to an actual historical figure, so they will give us plenty of background about the countries they were from (Egypt and Turkey [Istanbul in this case], respectively) but keep the actual historical figure at a distance. Making the fictional character a cousin and a person of an important position in that court is a smart choice to make: they're important enough to represent the royals of the times but distanced enough that it doesn't seem unnatural if they aren't that close and ergo can't tell you personal details about said historical figure.

• Did You Know: Sultan Mahmud II (the cousin Hamid mentions) was seen as quite a progressive ruler of his times. 1829 onwards, he tried to bring many, many reforms into the Ottoman empire, including (according to the Encyclopedia Britannica article on him) "adopting the cabinet system of government, provided for a census and a land survey, and inaugurated a postal service (1834), introducing compulsory primary education, opening a medical school, and sending students to Europe. In addition, the sultan’s right to confiscate the property of deceased officials was abolished, and European dress was introduced". It looks like some elements of this way of thought could be reflected in Hamid, from his talk of diplomacy in his diamond scene.

• Hamid not only positions himself as a bit of an outsider to England but also as a man who travels: talk of travelling and seeing the world is his ice-breaker when they get into the carriage. This will allow him not only to help familiarize the MC with London, and his home Constantinople, but also give her (and us) a view of what the world looks like at this point. For instance, if the MC speaks of even London is unfamiliar territory to her, he mentions the Blue Mosque, the construction of which was completed exactly 200 years prior to the events of the story.

• The other very essential point of this scene is to provide a bit of a parallel to Luke, but also as a counterpoint. Luke is disadvantaged both by his class and his race - ergo he has a very layered perspective. Hamid has privileges, but he is also aware of and in some ways used to the reception he gets in England, and has figured out how he wants to respond. Both Luke and Hamid find their ways to cope with their situation, and the MC is allowed - according to the ethnicity chosen for her - to relate to both.

Florence, for instance, relates heavily to this as someone is visibly a foreigner even though England is the only home she has ever known. Marianne does not fully understand this, but she can tell him like any decent human being would that she thinks it's wrong of people to treat him that way.

• Just prior to this the two manage to see the Tower of London, notorious for the imprisonment and execution of many, many people including royals and nobles. There is a short but rather poignant conversation on the "many people tortured and murdered over who had the right to sit on the throne" (among the people executed, you will find names like Anne Boleyn, Thomas More, Lady Jane Grey, Guy Fawkes and Walter Raliegh).

• Did You Know: For a long long time in England, executions were seen as a bit of a spectator sport. The more unusual the criminal, the bigger the crowd. The Capital Punishment UK blog speaks of the kind of atmosphere usually present around the time:

In many counties, executions were held on market days to enable the largest number of people to see them and school parties would be made to attend as a moral lesson, something which is certainly recorded as happening at Lancaster Castle.  Public houses and gin shops always did a very brisk trade on a hanging day.  

However, attitudes towards executions experienced a shift around the late 18th-early 19th century, and by 1864 Parliament established a Royal Commission on Capital Punishment, with a declaration that executions would take place inside the prisons rather than in public.

I'm not sure if this was intentional, but possibly the MC's and Hamid's reactions to the tower may be reflective of their times.

• Interestingly, Annabelle is shown to look jealous if you've been romancing her, and giving you a sly grin if you're just friends. I quite liked that little touch. Luke meanwhile is a little less open about how he feels at this point: whether you're romancing him or not, he is described as "watching you carefully" during your exchange with Hamid.

• So Mr Marlcaster got the letter from the Duchess to send a groom for picking the MC, but didn't...as per his mother's demands, surely. But AT LEAST you should have been a little prepared to answer me in case I dropped by anyway, dude? Instead of just standing there and staring at me like a scandalized goldfish.

• Looks like Edmund is still going to try screwing things up for us, and we'll need to find a way to get him on our side. After all, we get relationship points with both him and Theresa Sutton, and Lady Grandmother did tell us we could find a way to get them to be with us rather than against us.

• I'm looking forward to Chapter 5...but it's Chapter 6 I REALLY want to see. We're going to learn a bit more about the MC's mother's background!

General Thoughts:

• OMG so much was there to unpack this chapter!! A lot of it to do with Annabelle and Hamid, and Luke has taken a bit of a backseat this chapter but I'm hoping that's a taster of what's to come in his case.

• Look I love this story but IT COSTS SO MUCH. WTF. Keeping Clover was a nice option but it really added nothing to this chapter and could have easily been shifted elsewhere. I want this book to do well. I'm happy with how they're writing it, the effort they're putting into their research and into their characters so far...and I would hate for it to not be appreciated because they made it so hard for people to get into the book by making it this expensive so early.

• Florence is going for Annabelle and Luke (leaning more towards Annabelle at this point), and Marianne for Hamid and Sinclaire (I'm not sure yet but Hamid is a very very strong contender!!). Who would have thought I'd have my first polyam MCs in a book on Regency Era England!! Who woulda thunk!

• Annabelle particularly intrigues me at this point. She is clearly established as both inside and outside of this system, and vocally critical of it at least to the MC. She writes about her desires against the chargin of her father, and states that she doesn't want to merely settle into a 'safe' relationship like her mother, not unless she can know and trust that person (which is mostly why she agreed to the match with Harry even if she didn't love him). She is confused, and open and honest about her confusion. I really think the foundation of this character is immensely strong, but they really need to keep working on her and not just drop their efforts on her halfway. And I've seen that happen enough times with female LIs to be afraid.

• At this point, we now have three male LIs (one Master of Horse who is African-American, one family-approved eligible bachelor and one prince of the Ottoman Empire) and one female love interest. Is there space for one more confirmed female LI? I sure hope so but at the same time I don't want keep my hopes up.

However...IF the plan is to keep just one female LI, then they'd better do a pretty darn phenomenal job of her. If you're not going to give wlw players other options it's only fair to make sure the only option is given really, really good writing - consistently. They're doing a good job so far...but there's a long long way to go before I can fully trust PB to do justice to her.

• That's it for now! On to Chapter 6!

• Tagged: @boneandfur @liamraines @thespiritpanda @alanakusumastan @ernestsinclairs @private-investigator-nazario @bcdollplace @thedepthsremember @mcbangle @queenodysseia @novaelaras

If you'd like to be tagged on these QTs, do let me know! 😀

[juminsmysticmc]

1/Hi! Hi! I kinda like your ff where MC falls in love Jumin before RFA, which kinda reminds me of this scenario, can i request fanfiction in which MC is the heiress of Jumin's rival company. BUT her job is to ruin C&R company by working under him to know his weaknesses(like a spy)

The heirs’ weakness

Thank you for loving the other FanFiction. I hope you like this one too! So, enjoy! 

,,Yes father. I will search for his weakness. His Assistant? Yes thank you. Goodbye.’’ you ended the phone call with your dad. You looked up, a big building in front of your eyes. Were you excited? Yes, a bit. But, who wouldn’t? You were about to go to be an assistant for a big CEO in line even if you were one too. You had to take revenge on Chairman Han. Your mother cheated with him on your dad and after she left you, Chairman Han left her. She just run away, leaving you behind. Since then you and your dad were working on your plan. Go to work for Jumin Han, find about his weakness and and destroy his company. You entered the building. 

,,Hello. I’m here for a job interview. Could you show me the way?’’ you asked the receptionist. ,,Yes, of course Miss. -Mr Han, yes.- Please go up. Turn right and then left. The big door.’’ she answered shortly and kept on working. You did as she said. Followed her instruction and knocked at the big door. A handsome man opened the door. He looked a bit cold but still handsome. ,,Hello, I’m Mc.’’ you greeted him. He didn’t even take your hand. So, maybe he was really gay? He let you in and began your interview.  He was amazed by your marks. You were pretty good prepared.

But he somehow looked as if he wasn’t sure if he could trust you. Was this his weakness already? 

You were somehow happy but you were also sorry. Now that you were here, you didn’t want to leave that soon. You wanted to stay for a long time. ,,I will reach you soon.’’ he got up and you did the same. As soon as you left the room your cheeks were red and your heart was beating. 

Two days later, and there was still no answer. You waited for this very email so long but…. Why were you waiting for his answer like a teenager in love? You didn’t know but as soon as the answer came, you were happy again. Afterwards afraid, what if he says no? Your hands began to tremble as soon as you unlocked your new Iphone. ,,Congratulations.’’ was the first word you read. You were really happy, jumped around the room and laughed like a little girl. ,,What are you doing, daughter?’’ your father came in and looked at you. Oh no, wrong moment. What could you tell him now? ,,I’m so happy, father. Our….ehm, our revenge plan will be an awesome act. He accepted me. Now, the next step.’’ you lied to your feelings. Of course you didn’t know your real feelings on your own yet but you knew, you were happy. And not because you were about to play a spy. 

Weeks passed, Jumin Han seemed to be a man with a cold heart. He always showed his pokerface, went to lunch with his dad and oh my god, his damned cat projects were going on your nerves but, you had to keep on. Just smile and agree with everything he wants. ,,Mr Han. This black cat would be a better model than yours. White doesn’t fit with the background.’’ the man looked at Mr Han. He looked afraid but still confident.,,Oh my. Just change the background if it doesn’t fit.’’ you sighted. ,,But do you really think that a white cat would fit with a white background?’’ the man snapped at you. ,,Wow, which school did you attend? It doesn’t matter when it comes to the success of the cat. The key is how our product will influence the people outside.’’ ,,A woman has nothing to say in a-‚‘’ ,,You’re fired. None is allowed to talk like that to my assistant. Assistant Mc, change the background on your own.’’ Jumin got up. ,,Good job. I guess you attended a better school.’’ he smiled a bit and went out. Your heart was racing so quickly that you didn’t even notice the man who was glaring at you. You just followed the handsome man in the black suit. 

,,You will have the day off tomorrow. I’m overseas. You will stay at my place.’’ he looked into his phone. You tried to look what he was typing but it was no use. ,,Yes of course, I - wait. What?!’’ you looked at him with big eyes. ,,Mr Han, I have a home on my own. I don’t think that I need to-‚‘’ he chuckled for the very first time in front of you. ,,You have to take care of my treasure, my cat.’’ he answered. He looked almost in love. ,,Wow, so you really have a cat?’’ you laughed. You always wanted to own one but you never could. ,,I always wanted to have one but I couldn’t. I will be more than happy to be able to take care of her.’’ you smiled. His eyes looked so dark, like a deep ocean at night. Or maybe the dark sky? Or the infinitive universe? Whatever, they looked beautiful and were impossible to reach. 

,,No dad. He’s overseas. No, I won’t check his personal things. Yes, yes. Bye.’’ you ended the call and looked at the white cat. You stroked her, she felt so fluffy…..

,,No, please take care of the pictures. I don’t have time for that. No, please help my dad. Thank you. No, I just want to be able to cuddle with her. Yes of course it’s- her name isn’t Elly. Just take care or I won’t pay you.’’ a stressed man ended the call. He just wanted to go home. But, shit. ,,Hello, Mr Han. I think I took care of everything. I will now leave if I’m allowed to.’’ He nodded and let you go. ,,Yes, I know. His weakness, I will tell you next week.’’ you told your dad. An odd feeling was in your chest. You were so unhappy but…wasn’t this your task? Little did you know that you would never come to expose his weakness. Someone would expose yours before you. 

,,Who are you?’’ Jumin Han asked you. ,,What do you mean-‚‘’ ,,Which company sent you?’’ he asked you. Wow, so, he looked like this when he was sad? Or was he disappointed? Or both? You couldn’t guess. but it wasn’t his usually look. You were sure. ,,I….no it’s…I think I…’’ wow, so how could you tell him that you were somehow in love with him but wanted to take revenge on him because your dad wanted so? Haha, none would date a woman like this. ,,No, don’t explain. I will call my lawyer. Stay here.’’ he commanded. He left the room. You looked back knew, you would miss this room. The hallway. The exit. The street. 

,,She went away. Seven, find her. No, she didn’t do anything, yes even after two weeks. I have another reason.’’ he was on the phone with Seven. What was his other reason? His heart whenever he looked at you? His hand whenever he had the chance to touch you? Whatever it was, he wanted to find you. 

,,The beautiful heiress of the All & One cooperation just disappeared two weeks ago. A lot of police men are trying to find her. It’s still unknown if she got kidnapped or if she just left.’’ a picture of her was shown. He let fall the phone. His mouth was open. So, that’s who you were? He smiled, just perfect. 

,,Oh my.’’ you looked at the beautiful face you wanted to see for three years. At the deep eyes you wanted to look at. The hands you wanted to touch so bad. The hair you wanted to stroke so-,,I missed you, Elliz!’’ you laughed and went towards the cage the white haired cat was in. ,,Why is she in here?’’ you asked your former boss. ,,Well, at least she won’t escape like someone I knew a long time ago.’’ he looked at you. You still looked beautiful. ,,Well….I had to do it….I’m sorry..’’ you mumbled and walked towards him. ,,Just don’t name her Elliz.’’ he whispered. You bursted into a loud laughter and made him laugh too. So, this were the moments you missed? Yes, they were. 

,,Who told you about me back then?’’ you asked him. ,,The one I fired after the cat project.’’ he confessed. ,,Ah, the dumb one? I understand…’’ ,,Where did you go for so long?’’ he stroked your pale arm. ,,Well, I run away. I went overseas and tried to learn more…someone threatened me. They wanted to kill my dad and you…I just had to leave. My dad didn’t know either…now that I think about it, I feel a bit sorry…’’ you thought about your lonely dad…. ,,So, you found out about my weakness but left?’’ he asked you. You nodded. But, when he asked you what his weakness was and you told him your thoughts, he just didn’t agree with you. ,,You’re my weakness.’’ 

[yoosungiib]

Your blog just turned into my favorite! Your writing is beautiful!

Wow!!! I’m so glad my bog is one of your favorites and that you enjoy my headcanons that much. It’s totally ok to ask anonymously. I understand being shy - I can be shy myself too~ :) I hope you enjoy this! It was a fun request!

RFA + Minor Trio jealous w/ an MC’s obsession over a character from a dating game

~~~

★ Yoosung ★

This boy is a yandere so of course he absolutely hates that you play dating games.

He knows that they’re fake but god, he’s jealous.

He wants you to giggle from his jokes the way you giggle at that game. He wants you to stop dropping everything that you’re doing just to play the next chapter of the game.

He hates that game, and he especially hates that character with the blonde hair and blueish eyes.

Poor boy wants to snap the AI’s neck he can’t stand hearing you talk about it.

Yoosung usually just smiles and pretends it doesn’t bother him until he opens a package to find a fucking body pillow and he f r e A K S.

He feels really bad afterwards because he yelled at you, but you’re not upset. You found it amusing how jealous he got.

You promise him you’ll control your obsession a little and you assure your yandereish husband that you love him and only him.

Boy blushes and gives you tons of kisses before whispering into your ear, “I’ll show you just how much better I am than that AI.”

Pillow goes flying out the fucking window.

♪ Zen ♪

“All men are beasts, even in games.”

“You’re not as bad as Yoosung, are you, Jagi?”

Really doesn’t mind at first because they’re not real people.

In fact, he finds it cute how excited you get playing the game. He loves how red your face get and the little dimples that appear around your smile.

All is good.

Until this one new damn character was introduced to the game.

And you were obsessed. And I mean obsessed.

You talked about him all the time, had him as your phone background it used to be you and Zen!!! had figurines, clothing…

Zen couldn’t handle it anymore and finally took your phone while you were in the shower and deleted the app.

You kinda played him by saving the game and being able to redownload it with all your data. So Zen, sucking up his pride, admitted to be a little annoyed and jealous, wishing you would direct all that love and obsession back towards him.

Those puppy eyes Zen gave you had you apologizing immediately and promising to not talk about the guy again. You were smacked by reality that you had the real thing right in front of you!

❀ Jaehee ❀

Doesn’t understand the appeal, but ok, that’s your thing.

Thinks you could be spending your time more productively, but again, ok, that’s your thing.

She really doesn’t have a problem with it until she finds out that your phone is filled with pictures of a specific character you like.

Jaehee never thought of this before… but pictures of her used to fill your phone.

Tries not to let it get to her because she knows the woman/man in the game is not real, but still, she can’t help but feel a little jealous.

Jealousy gets a little worse; she finds herself growing bitter towards the game and your constant talk of it, hates seeing the screencaps in the RFA chatroom, and bloody hell she had a dream where she found you cheating on her with one of the characters.

Jaehee doesn’t want to ask you to delete the game or even admit that she is jealous of an AI, but she feels like she should say something.

“H-hey, what if we play a game together?”

When you guys play a few rounds of Clue, and winner gets to do whatever they want with the loser~, Jaehee realizes just how silly her jealousy is.

Because you are all over her and there is no mention one of the damn AI while you two are together.

She decides to mentioning the fact she was ever jealous is pointless.

Because. Overall. You. Are. Hers.

☂ Jumin ☂

Bruh, how do you even have the game?

He loves you, ok, but privacy is not his specialty.

He knows everything about you, what’s on your phone,

And he disapproves gravely of the dating games on your phone. In fact, he got so envious that he nearly made a deal with Seven to get the apps deleted and blocked from your phone.

Because he has to remain cool and collected, you have no idea that he hates the games so much. He knows you have them, so you presume it’s ok. I mean, not like he’d have a say in the matter whether you had them or not.

But god, he is livid. He hates those damn games. 

Why are you playing them?

Straight up asks you one day if you love them more than him.

“W-what? Jumin, they’re not even real. You’re my husband! Of course I love you more.”

“Than why are you playing games where you date people?”

Explaining the appeal is hard to do, but in the end, internally he tells himself it was pretty silly of hi to get jealous over fake people.

☺ Seven/Saeyoung ☺

Pretty sure he has a whole bunch on his phone too, because hey, this is Seven we are talking about. He lives for this shit.

But god forbid you have them.

He watches from afar, aka CCTV, as you obsesses over the characters in the game.

His sadistic side comes to light a little bit as he forcefully pulls the phone from your hands and has you pinned to the bed.

Oh boy.

Knows deleting the app isn’t enough. He isn’t dumb. You can redownload it.

So he puts a virus on your phone, and all your information gets wiped from the face of the planet.

You can not go on your games, get any of your data back.

Can’t talk to the hot AI’s!!!

“Don’t be sad, MC! You can play with me~”

❆ V ❆

For a while, he doesn’t even know what otome/dating games are,

So he has no idea you even play such a thing. And when he finds out? Not really bothered at first.

It’s just a game, and nothing that.

But then there was this  one character who you were absolutely obsessed with. You started dressing like the guy, hanging up pictures of the guy V cringes and you always smile at your phone when he ‘appears’ in the game.

What’s this feeling I’m feeling…?

Jealousy?

V’s never been jealous usually people are jealous over him so this is a completely new concept to him.

And of course he happens to be jealous over a video game characters.

Wants to be the diplomatic and good husband and just talk about it with you.

He brings it up and you feel really bad. 

It was never your intention to make him feel jealous!

“Gah, Jihyun! I’m so sorry, honey. I’ll never play the game again!”

“Oh no, MC, please, I’m sorry. Play it as much as you want! Just don’t do that characters… what is it called? Route? Can you just reset it or something?”

☻ Saeran/Unknown ☻

Hates it.

Absolutely hates it.

And his jealousy is transparent to everyone,

So of course you try to minimize your obsession, but it can be really hard. So you’ll never play the game in front of him, or you’ll tell him you’ve stopped playing all together.

But he walked in on you playing it on the toilet one day and while your pants were half way down your legs you were chasing him trying to get your phone back.

A g g r e s s i o n is his initial response towards the game half the time.

Will yell at you to stop, can be a little harsh at time; “Do you realize how pathetic it looks that you’re talking to fake guys?”

Begrudgingly apologizes and defends his actions by saying you shouldn’t play those games when he’s your boyfriend.

He gets a little annoyed with himself for being jealous over an AI, which triggers a bit of his anxiety. 

When you realize that is happening you feel absolutely terrible. And then he feels terrible because as much as he hates the games, he doesn’t want you basing decision around how he feels. 

After a heart to heart discussion on your feelings and a whole bunch of kisses and cuddles, you guys make a deal; You’ll not play the game as often if he doesn’t get so worked up about it.

Really, it’s just a game. There should be no stress over it. 

“Hm, ok,” Saeran says before a smirk crosses his face. “Come here then. We’ll play a game of sorts together.”

✌ Vanderwood ✌

“That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.”

Really thinks you’re wasting your time playing all those otome games. Those games and some pictures of you two are what practically take up all the space on your phone.

He says you could be doing something much more productive, like cleaning, for example.

Vanderwood will get a little annoyed when he gets home from work and he sees you lounging on the couch talking with AI’s.

But he’s the last one to ever admit he is jealous.

So he does the obvious thing to get you away from the phone and more attentive towards him.

Sex.

Really, he seduces you a little bit, gets you hot and bothered and then shows you just how awesome the real thing is~

And then he tazers your phone.

~~~

Check out my masterlist page to see rules for requests!

*** Until Christmas 2017, REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Masterlist

[auramaydaydreaming]

Favorite MM Romance Books: Caught Running

Caught Running by Madeleine Urban and Abigail Roux was my first foray into proper published MM that did not read completely like bad fanfiction, and I have to say, I could not have made a better pick.

Spoiler free review:

The book follows Jake and Brandon - former schoolmates, who years later ended up teaching at their old school. In youth, Jake was the popular jock, while Brandon was a typical nerd, but beneath their cliche exteriors both men had more to them than the stereotypes they appeared to embody. Nonetheless, the strict social dynamics of highschool life kept them from discovering each other. Until now.

The characters of Jake and Brandon were an absolute joy to read. They were definitely based on tropes, and even the way they weren’t really as one sided as they seemed was a bit on the cliche side. However, their little personal quirks and *gasp* actual personality traits really did make them extraordinarily compelling characters. At least for the genre. And they seemed to adapt to their situations in realistic patterns, which definitely added to the raw feel of the book.

Jake especially surprised me. That man felt alive. The way he portrayed himself, as well as his rather dark struggles, it all seemed like a real person’s life, a real person’s story. This may have been because his motivations did not merely make logical sense, but psychological sense as well. You could tell why he acted the way he did, why he made the choices he did, even if some of them weren’t exactly optimal, and that definitely added to the realism of his character.

Brandon had a similar charm as well, even if I didn’t feel the same connection to him. He was also a person in his own right. Just maybe not quite as interesting as Jake, in my opinion. Either way, both MCs were extremely likable.

The side characters, though, could have used a bit more work. Don’t get me wrong, the story was by no means set in a vacuum, and I was actually rather impressed by how the teacher’s jobs didn’t take a complete back seat as their romance came to the forefront. But there was definitely a lack of important side cast. Though Jake’s friends were cool and the limited characterization they got was enough to make me feel at least a smidgen of connection with them (nice job to the authors on that one), one character in particular stood out as not only a complete cliche, but an unnecessary headache as well. She was only there to build cheap tension the book really didn’t need and I would have honestly preferred the book without her. It’s quite ironic, actually. She seemed to be written in as the biggest nuisance in the story and ended up the biggest nuisance to my enjoyment of the book.

Another qualm I have with the writing, especially prominent and rather distracting in the beginning, were the POV shifts. They were constant and had no warning whatsoever. This made some parts rather confusing and required me to reread paragraphs just to understand who was talking more than once. I wish the author had done a better job signaling these, as that would have made the book flow 100x smoother. That being said, beyond the first couple chapters, where you still don’t know the characters or their situation, and that one absolutely incomprehensible scene where the MCs are each talking to a different set of extras across the room from each other (why, authors, why did you do this), the book flows fine later on. It’s just a matter of getting used to it, and though it can be hard to slog through the first fifth because of it, trust me, it’s worth it.

Before we move on to talking about the romance and the smutty smutty times in the second part of the book, I want to quickly address something else that could turn away some readers, and that is the baseball talk. A lot of this book is centered on highschool baseball. Now, I have never played baseball and know nothing about the game, so if I enjoyed this book, anyone can. That being said, if you’re a newbie like myself, you’ll either have to do a lot of googling, or just accept that you won’t be able to understand some parts in full. The story does still make sense and you can understand a lot from context cues, but do be aware of this.

Okay, now we can move on to something more exciting: the ROMANCE.

Brandon and Jake were super freaking sweet. You could really feel their connection build organically from the very first page and the way it shifted from colleagues to friends and finally to something more was just an absolute dream to read. One of my favorite things about their relationship was how clear it was why they liked each other. This wasn’t a case of Twilight-esque instalove. No, these men were both amazing in their own right, and only when they saw each other for just how amazing they were did they start having feelings. And that was simply perfection. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have the reason people fall in love be because they see something great in one another that others cannot. I love that. It’s almost like an acknowledgement, a validation of their character, and it creates an extremely deep bond. You can really feel that they were special and different to each other because the reason they fell in love was due to understanding, knowing, and appreciating the other more than anyone else could. It’s honestly beautiful.

Furthermore, the way they approached each other felt more real than I had ever experienced in a book (or fanfic) before. It was so real. So, so real. I cannot explain to you just how raw and realistic the romance in this book appeared, so I will just leave you with this: they didn’t act like toddlers and they didn’t act like robots. They acted like real people with real worries, jobs, responsibilities, and absolutely irresistible feelings they just had to act on, even if cautiously, even if they had to feel each other out beforehand, and oh man it was a fantastic read.

And there was definitely some sexual tension there as well, which turned electric in the later chapters, and that brings me to a part we’ve all been waiting for: the SMUT

OH BOY THE SMUT

OH MAN

OH JESUS

The smut was glorious.

There wasn’t a lot of kink or anything like that, and for my taste it was all pretty vanilla, but the sheer amount of tension and emotion built up slowly throughout the whole first half of the book (yes, this baby’s a slow one) definitely paid off in spades. It was shiver-inducing. And there was a lot of it. Like, a lot. If you feel like the book isn’t sexy enough in the first half, do not fret. The second half is smut after smut after smut, and oh boy do we love to see it. Those men are smexy and lovely and Jake was so seductive and passionate and fiery and ajksdhgkjshdka and Brandon was also cute and took initiative and imma stop talking but just know it’s really good.

So yeah *clears throat* final thoughts.

Go read this book.

Fan of MM? Go read this book.

Fan of sweeter than life romance? Go read this book.

Fan of compelling characters? Go read this book

Fan of fun and passionate smut? Go  read  this  book.

And if you have read this book, or perhaps want it spoiled for you for some God-forsaken reason, here are my thoughts including spoilers.

Spoiler-filled thoughts:

Jake’s pill problem was resolved a bit cheaply. I do think it was handled well in the beginning of its resolution, but they kind of dropped the ball later on, or should I say they dropped the storyline. I did find the way Brandon helped him handle it quite sweet and not too far-fetched. But the fact that it was never really addressed again shows either a lack of importance that is inappropriate for something so serious, or implies the issue was solved just like that, which is plain unrealistic.

Furthermore, the resolution with Misty was just kind of sad. No, scratch that, Misty’s whole storyline was sad. I thought she was going to be a genuine problem at the start. I thought she would find out and expose them at a terrible time or something, and I was waiting for her to actually become an effective villain, but she just... never did. I have no idea why they put her in the story.

Finally, the ending was too smol. I wanted more. I really, truly wanted so much more than one friend of Jack’s finding out about them. I mean, homophobia was a bit of a theme in this book, so to have the whole resolution be that was just unsatisfying. Paired with the supremely easy and kinda stupid plot with Misty that went nowhere, as well as the weak resolution with the pills, the story almost feels like it was cut off abruptly in the middle. Nothing really got resolved outside the romantic and sexual tension. And don’t get me wrong, it could have been much worse, but it’s just a little annoying is all.

Personal thoughts (ft spoilers):

I am a HUGE sucker for the “we knew each other in childhood, didn’t meet for years, and then rediscovered one another and fell in love” trope. And while this story wasn’t exactly that, considering Brandon and Jake weren’t that familiar with each other back then, it still brought some delicious reminiscence and slight, almost rueful angst into the mix. Loved it.

Loved the descriptions of how Jake saw Brandon from his POV and the way Jake moved in Brandon’s POV (eg. stalked, prowled...). Made him seem super ultra passionate and instantly brought a vibrant image to my mind. Brandon calling him “Thundercat” was also great. It was freaking cute and worked for the characters.

Liked that there wasn’t a too obvious fem/masc dynamic. Made the boys feel real and unique.

Loved Jake far too much and Brandon was adorable. This whole book was just fantastic and they carried it on their broad shoulders with ease.

Do I recommend: YES

Score: 8.5/10

Verdict: Great book with fantastic characters, a sweet and realistic romance, smexy smut, and some not insignificant, but not insurmountable issues specifically to do with side characters and certain plots. Worthy of a READ IT ASAP

[akelyokikagu]

The Cursed II

The Cursed - Chapter II

A Sukonbu a day keeps a nightmare at bay

Kagura hated nightmares.

They always reminded her of the past, of the cold and never-ending rain drumming like a pitiful melody to accompany her own loneliness. Her mother had just died in front of her eyes, and she could only grasp the weakening hand, listen to the weak voice one last time before she was gone like the rest the farce of a family she had. Her kind older brother had forever changed to a monster and didn't even spare a glance back as he left the weakling burdening his quest to strength. Her father became even more absent than he already was— within a day he had lost both his wife and his son, and even for the strongest man in the universe there was only this much he could cope with.

Suddenly she became a reminiscent of the past and the family on this planet, everyone else had already gone to different path. The bond she thought strong was so easily broken in so much pieces that ten little fingers weren't enough to catch and glue them back, clumsily. The rain felt even lonelier, the house felt colder and the dinner was too much of a hassle to bear.

The silence gave her all the time to think, think and re-think: why didn't her family work out? Was it because they were Yatos? She decided to never, ever lose to her blood and instinct. Was it because she was weak? She strived to grow stronger. Or was it because…

Sometimes, Kagura thought with a bitter smile, there were questions better left unanswered.

Shinpachi's face was barely some inches away from the screen when Kagura forcefully grasped him by the collar before throwing him in the couch with Gintoki. While they were used to the teenager's antics, shadowing the TV was strictly forbidden within the Yorozuya: it was already small enough for them to need to squint their eyes in order to watch a show and there wasn't enough space for his head. "We're watching your stupid show already, stop being so annoying Patsuan."

"But this is the Otsu-chan special interview! As the chief of the fanclub I cannot miss it—"

"— no one is going to change of channel. Sit down and shut up, Patsuan."

"SHUT UP you two, I can't hear what she's saying!" Kagura elbowed both of them in their stomach, instantly calming the argument taking place.

The screen buzzed for second before a purple-haired girl appeared on screen, her cheeks visibly red after another concert. She had been getting popular lately, these days a lot of idols were scared to appear on scene because of the rumours, of the Sleeping Beauties but Otsu never abandoned her career and worked even harder to complete all the schedules other idols left. Kagura didn't understand why Shinpachi liked her songs about corn and poop so much, but she could at the very least for his admiration towards her.

"Our favorite Otsuu-chan is here, despite her tight schedule!" The female host grinned with all of her pearly teeth, "fans are worried about you, you do look tired!"

"I need to work harder— corn poop!— because that's an idol's job, right?" Otsu laughed and sat down, smiling at her fans that she knew, were all squealing for her. Like Shinpachi was, before Kagura jabbed him again for being too noisy.

"Let's start the interview then! Aren't you scared of the Sleeping Beauties?"

"Of course I am, but my fans are way more important! I don't feel tired or scared at all!"

"That's some energy you have," the MC patted her on the shoulders gently, like a good friend. "Otsu-chan, you have gotten shows with lot of male idols because of that, did you get a crush on someone?" She gave her a glance, something like a gossiping friend would do.

"Ehh?" The idol faked surprise, "I don't really like anyone, I put my fans before my love life."

"But surely you have a favorite?"

"Oh, yes, I do. My favorite is of course Ryuu-kun, I love his album Darling Darjeeli—"

Shinpachi's eyes widened as his whole body plunged forward to the poor machine, his glasses almost falling out when his hand reached the unanimated object.

Suddenly, the usual bubbling eyes of the idol turned dull and dark, before she fell straight onto the table of the host, who was screaming for help to the crew. The same words repeated like a mantra.

"She's a Sleeping Beauty! Otsuu-chan, wake up, wake up!" The emcee shook her shoulders but the idol wouldn't rouse from her sleep. "Call the ambulance! The police! You, cut this!"

The screen turned black, with some apologise scribbled by the production but it was too late.

"Otsu-chan!" Shinpachi cried out in front of the TV. "No, why did it happen to her, why did she have to be one of the victim?! She worked so hard to get here," a river of tears fell out of his eyes, "why did it happen?"

"Oi, oi, she's not dead."

"But we don't know if she'll ever wake up! They never woke up, Gin-san!" The silver perm sighed deeply before trotting to the boy, a calloused hand felling on top of Shinpachi's head, before messing up his dark hair.

"We'll find a way before you flood Edo, okay?"

"Gin-san…"

Kagura yawned, "this mood is too boy's love for me. We should go to the tax-robbers instead, maybe they know something after all the tax they've robbed from the good citizens."

"Wow, you're acting mature Kagura-chan, daddy is proud of you. Aren't you too, mommy?" Gintoki wiped a fake tear, a little smile stretched on his lips when the teenager had stopped sobbing like a mess and instead showed his usual, bright self. "That's better, I'll buy you some sukonbu today."

"Really? Kya—hoo, thank you Gin-chan!" The little girl in red jumped at Gintoki, climbing up the man like a koala would with an eucalyptus tree.

The Shinsengumi were solemnly silent, despite not caring for the idol in particular. They have failed their duties yet again as another victim had been announced to the already too long list.

"So, you look even shittier today, China." Okita decided to break the ice, but perhaps not in the good way. Kagura was already fuming at him, and would have probably broken a few ribs and his nose if it wasn't for her foster father grasping her.

"I promised you sukonbu today so don't try to fight with Souichiro-kun, Gin-chan already needs to buy us a new door."

"He started first!"

"I only stated the truth, you look like a panda with your dark circles, but without the cuteness." Sougo grinned, "what, you haven't been able to forget my beautiful face?"

"I'm having nightmares, maybe I do see your ugly face in my dreams! I need my beauty sleep!"

"Even if you became a Sleeping Beauty, you'd still be ugly. More like a piggy, do you drool too?"

Hijikata made a jab to Okita, praying the boy would stop infuriating further the very much dangerous Yato on the other side of the table. "That's not how you flirt," he coughed, "and we're not here to do that, anyway."

"Flirt? Have you gone mad Hijikata—"

"We've gone to the priestesses sisters and asked them about the incubus, and we have an idea but we'll need your help. We're making a trap."

"A trap?"

"Since ancient times, incubus liked to tempt the priestesses to mock them, so they managed to find a way to exorcize them. They drew sacred circles on the floor, and then gathered the fairest maidens of the villages, once the incubus was lured they would start the exorcism right away to expel it."

"I'm not lending you Kagura to lure out some blind lolicon—" Kagura blushed.

"No, not for that. We need her to guard the maidens."

"Ah, I thought so."

Okita laughed at Kagura's expression that went from blushing, almost cute face to one disintegrating into pure, unhinged anger towards the two men who so easily discarded her 'feminity', well, as much a geroine like her could manage in this area. He knew she was prideful, but had never seen her being feminine of all things.

"I'm a beautiful girl, you guys are just too old to see this."

"Yes, yes, and I pay Granny's rents every month."

"Is that true?" Hijikata asked, hopeful.

"Of course not, that's the point. Kagura attracts either lolicons or giants, maybe both."

"It's not true, I have mami's genes. Papi says I'm a pretty girl, too!"

"Parents always lie to their kids, you know? One day you'll become bald and there's only Gin-san in this world to accept this," he picked his nose casually even if his foster daughter was about to commit a crime far bloodier than the Sleeping Beauties. He glanced at Okita, and grinned a little.

"…"

"You're a pretty girl, okay? But you have yet to bloom," he ruffled her hair affectionally and made her sit down besides him.

That silver perm is pretty good, Hijikata thought. It was obvious to anyone but the concerned that the Yorozuya Boss was warning a certain someone from getting closer to his daughter. He heard the perm got worse after a story of a giant trying to marry the China girl.

"Anyway, we're going to make a war with all possible victims. Of course, we'll say it's for protection but they'll be the baits, the sisters are going to perform the exorcism but we need to make sure all goes well. Since there are only women, China girl is more suited to this. You need to make sure the circles work."

"What does it mean?"

"Verify if their body is intact and doesn't have any marks," Hijikata decided not to pursue further the subject. "Stuff that looks like a bite."

"Oh, I see. Like a vampire's?"

"Kinda, yes."

"Oogushi-kun?"

"My name is Hijikata."

"You'd make a good mother," Gintoki cackled and hardly smothered his mocking laugh at the sight of the demon Vice-Chief trying to explain, as candidly as possible, what a love-bite was to a little girl. Truly, it was amusing.

Kagura only tilted her head in confusion, while Shinpachi contained his imminent nosebleed the best a cherry boy like him would— which, to be honest, was just holding his hand close to his nose.

"Anyway, if you work for us you'll be better feed than the silver perm would ever do, and you'll get paid for it in extra. We're counting you, China girl," Hijikata explained quickly before the girl had the time to be in awe. "You'll need to be on your guard and alert at night, and sleep during the day. Your eyes, they're better than ours right?"

"Yato have sharper senses overall," Kagura nodded.

"That's perfect, then."

Okita had shut down his mouth at his superior who seemed to know how to sweet-talk China girl, in a matter of seconds. Perhaps he wasn't popular in Yoshiwara just for his looks, after all. He wondered how Hijikata did— sometimes he haven't said anything mean that there was already a fist blown to his face. It wasn't his fault if she did have huge dark circles marring her usually perfect and white skin.

"Hijikata-san, die."

And the bomb exploded.

Kagura walked in circle alone. Walking in circle over circles, her mind going in circles— everything was circle, round like the moon, its light being her only source to the sight. The Shinsengumi were surprisingly efficient in organising a ward fathering all the beauties Edo possessed within, and Yoshiwara had been chosen as the area of protection because of its wide area and its proximity to the headquarters. Temporarily, they changed an extravagant and onerous brothel to an area strictly guarded, a gilded castle for the princesses.

But Kagura wasn't admiring the lavish bedroom she stood in, nor the crimson carpet secretly covering sacred marks the priestesses had hand-drawn to the floor.

She closed her eyes and listened to the pounding of the rain outside, a summer's rain.

The nightmares gave her headaches and hear stings she didn't ask for, reminded of a question she had yet to confront. Deep in her heart she knew the cowardice got the best of her, but she also acknowledge that the answer might simply break everything she had tried to build until now.

Strength. Smile. Kindness.

"You," the silky curtains danced into the air, wind engulfed in the room in a strong blast, but not enough to wake the women inside. "You're scared."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I can finally read your soul," the beautiful voice echoed in her ears, "you're asking yourself if you're the cause of everything."

"That's not true."

"If I had not been born, if I hadn't existed, would they still be a family? Would they be happier without me? Was I burden? Was my birth only a curse?"

Blue eyes flashed towards the stranger, "it's not true. They love me, you don't know anything at all."

"I am loved, so I am not hurting. I'm not lonely, I'm not scared, I'm not abandoned," the man stepped swiftly, like feathers, to her. "You're hurting, you want to be numb."

"Pain makes me alive, because I have a heart," Kagura didn't question the mysterious being. Part of her didn't want to— as if drawn to him.

"Poor kid, your mother's body didn't take your birth well, has she? You're scared of the answer, you wish you could just stay numb, you think that just smiling and forgetting the past will change that, but it's not. Not anymore."

"It's not true! You're lying! I'm not hurt, I'm going to fight, I'm going to hold my promise to mami and I'll bring this idiot Kamui and Baldy together, again! I won't cry ever again," Kagura shook her head. "I didn't bring Mami's death. It's not true."

The room was filled with silence, yet the stranger's hand gently drew Kagura's face towards him. "You worked hard, haven't you? But it's fine now, you just need to trust me, I'll make the pain go away."

"I'm not in pain, I have Gin-chan, Shinpachi, and even Sadist. I'm not lonely."

"You are, you're scared to bring misfortune again— you can forget all these things for a moment, but it keeps coming back." The man leant down, the space between their lips scarce, "did you know? Kisses can make the pain go away."

"They do?"

"Yes, close your eyes."

A devilish smile stretched, "Good night."

[choisgirls]

so, requests are kind of open? sweet. if you do male mc requests, could i get a request for the rfa realizing that they've fallen for another man? i've tried asking other blogs and nobody has done it and i just kinda want validation right now lmao thanks xx

A/N: I usually try tomake the MC gender neutral but sometimes it’s difficult (such as when therequest specifically has to do with a female!MC) so I’m sorry if that’s everbothered you! ;A; I’ll try my best for you! ^^ ~Admin 404

*YOOSUNG:

               -He’s always talked aboutgetting a girlfriend in the chatroom

               -Girlfriend this, girlfriendthat, girl girl girl

               -He didn’t even stop to think,‘hey, maybe it doesn’t have to be a girl’

               -And that frustrated you.

               -Sure, you’re obviouslyunderstanding and accepting of other’s sexual orientations

               -But you’re just saltybecause he doesn’t even notice?? That you’re like??? Completely in love withhim??

               -You drop hints all the time buthe just thinks you’re being friendly?

               -Like, ‘Oh, haha, MC you’re mynewfound best friend!’

               -Stop doing that to me Yoosung, if you don’t return my feelings at leastacknowledge them

               -You spend day after day playingvideo games with him, just wanting to spend time with him

               -Until one day you decided totake the night off, and he had to play alone

               -He immediately realized thatthe game just wasn’t the same unless you were playing along with him

               -Not even his other in-gamefriends could make it fun for him- he was at a complete loss

               -He tried to get a hold of youmost of the night but you wouldn’t answer the phone

               -There was this weird feeling inhis chest every time he would call and get your voicemail, he couldn’t explainit

               -Maybe it was just because hewas concerned for your well being? No, that wasn’t it. It wasn’t a fearful kindof feeling..

               -When you finally picked up thephone and he heard your voice, that’s when it hit him

               -This feeling was him missingyou. He wanted to talk to no one else but you. He’s literally ignored everygirl that’s talked to him since the day he met you. He would get a sinkingfeeling in his stomach if he heard you calling any other man cute and couldn’texplain it

               -With his knowledge (gainedsolely from dating sims and movies) he came to the realization that wow he didn’t care about getting agirlfriend. He cared about you.

               -“Yoosung? Hellooooo? Areyou okay? You’ve called me like 27 times. Is everything alri-”

               -“I love you, MC”

*ZEN:

               -Ah, yes, Mr. Steal Yo Girl™

               -You could say you fell for his naturalcharm from the beginning

               -Or… you could tell the truththat you practically just jumped off a fucking cliff into your love for him

               -He was just! So! Beautiful!Inside and out!

               -But why?? Was his fanbasemainly made of women??

               -There were some fanboysscattered about but you were still feeling a little under-represented

               -So you decided that you had tolet him know how much of a fan you are! (Not to mention how much youpractically just wanna jump his bones because you love him so much)

               -Always bringing him flowers,making and making him homemade lunches/dinners

               -Not to mention the two of youalways hang out whenever you can! Movies, going for a ride on his motorbike,anything you can do together, you do

               -“It’s almost like we’redating, haha!” yes Zen, that is thep o i n t

               -He started to see that ahandful of his fans began shipping the two of you and editing the selfies hehad posted to add hearts and things

               -He giggled every single timeand he would send you the pictures because he thought they were adorable!

               -Sometimes when the two of youwent out, some girls would run up and ask to take pictures- he was always readybut when they handed him the camera he was so lost??? Like they only wanted apicture with you because you’re totally cute

               -He would pout s o h a r d everytime it happened, he would practically cling to you for hours afterwards

               -One day he was waiting for youwhen he was just scrolling through one of his fan websites, when he saw apicture of you with a girl- She was fangirling and saying all these cute thingsabout you

               -He could feel his blood startto boil and he couldn’t explain why? He wasn’t jealous that you were beingpraised by his fans instead of him- hell he praises you all the time..

               -That was it! He praises you allthe time! He talks about you like his fans talk about him! How the hellcouldn’t he see it before? He always looked forward to seeing your smile, orfelt his heart flutter when you would wrap your arms around him while the twoof you went for late night rides

               -So he was a womanizer in thepast, that didn’t matter now, did it? It was completely possible for him tofall for a man- especially a man like you. You always support his decisions andpassion, it was practically impossible for him not to fall for you

               -He watched as you walkedtowards him, throwing him that bright smile that he melted his heart; he can’tbelieve he couldn’t see before.

               -“Heya Zen! Where are weoff to today?” You tilted your head slightly to the side in confusion whenhe grabbed your hand, bringing it to his lips to place a small kiss on it

               -He watched you as a blushcrawled up your face, waiting a moment before pulling his lips away

               -“Well, my prince, I’vedecided, quite recently in fact, that it’s high time we have our first actualdate, are you ready?”

*JAEHEE:

I’m not going to doJaehee since she was canonically into men (until female!mc came along and theChristmas DLC and all;;;) and Idk, I just feel it doesn’t fit this prompt? I’msoRRY

*JUMIN:

               -He isn’t the type to showemotions in the first place

               -But you start to notice thathe’s more chatty towards you over time?

               -Not like you’re complaining, ofcourse.

               -A chance to potentially getcloser to Jumin Han? Don’t mind if I do

               -After quite a while of talking(he would even call you at night to talk to you before bed!) he took it uponhimself to invite you over for a drink or two

               -He never thought anything aboutthe relationship the two of you shared, though

               -Figured it was similar to therelationship he and V shared

               -Though he did note that hetended to be a little more open to you than he has with V

               -He deemed your personality tobe a little more open and less secretive than V’s and he left it at that

               -It was really hard for him tonotice any sort of difference in his feelings for your because he was so set inhis ways

               -Always distant with women, sohe never notice himself completely shutting down the idea of having a wife or agirlfriend

               -He did notice, however, that hefound a scowl on his face quite often when a woman is draping herself over you,touching you absolutely anywhere

               -It gets him so worked up, inmultiple different ways

               -First, he can’t figure out whyhe gets so angry- his thoughts have gotten somewhat harsh at times, where hewants to push the woman away, or tear her hands off of you… but he’d neveract on those thoughts

               -Second, he can’t wrap his headaround why he… recreates the scene in his own mind, but puts himself in yourplace and you in the woman’s. Was it just a random thought? Did it meananything?

               -One night, after a long anddeep conversation about how the human mind works and a little too much wine forthe both of you, he looked deep into your eyes and completely got lost in them.He couldn’t hear you talking at all, but he could see the different levels ofpassion and emotions in them and he was fascinated

               -He thought aloud about thethings he’d been experiencing, the thoughts about you, and how he wondered whatit all meant- causing you to stop in your tracks

               -“I can see ever littlechange of emotion in your eyes, but there’s one I haven’t been able to figureout. Come here,” he said, lightly grabbing the side of your face andcoaxing you into leaning towards his face before he placed a quick peck to yourlips, watching your eyes change the whole time

               -“Ah, I see. That must belove… that must be what I look like as well- interesting.”

*SAEYOUNG:

               -Falling for a male wasn’tanything new for our dear love, Saeyoung

               -Expressing those feelings iswhat was difficult for him

               -He didn’t even realize at firstthat he may have had feelings for you

               -Treated you no different thanhe treats Yoosung-

               -Always joking around, always playingpranks

               -Every now and then he catcheshimself opening up and telling you personal things like his emotions or partsof his past and it t h r o w s h i m o f f

               -He used to try and catchhimself but after a while it came so naturally that he didn’t even notice it? Butyou sure did

               -Instead of kind of secludinghimself to his house, he would go out to shops and restaurants with you all thetime!

               -His favourite thing to do waslet you pick out one of his babies and he’d take you out for a drive. A lot ofthe time the two of you would be gone for hours and honestly everyone else inthe group thought the two of you had snuck off to do the frick frack

               -He finds himself always leaningin towards your face when the two of you are talking

               -When he gets really excited, hegrabs your hand and takes you towards the source of his happiness, oftenforgetting to let go of your hand- so the two of you walk around with eachother’s hands

               -Even buys the two of you a tonof adorable matching things, like sunglasses and shirts

               - matching heelies

               -One day, everyone was hangingout and simply just having a nice lunch, when Saeyoung straight stole the biteof food you were about to put in your mouth

               -“Saeyoung! I was about toeat that, you jerk!”

               -“I’m sorry! Here, I’ll letyou taste it,” with that, he leaned over and kissed you softly, literallyeveryone’s eyes were on the two of you

               -It was only after he backedaway and noticed the stares did he realize what he did

               -“I-I swear! It feltnatural, like the right thing to do at the time! MC I didn’t even think, I’msorry, I-”

               -You had to cut the idiot offwith another kiss or he’d keep rambling and rambling on. Everyone in the groupwas so happy for the two of you! Saeran couldn’t stop saying 'finally’ underhis breath for the rest of the day

*V:

               - honestly i think he’d bethe chillest of them all

               -He’s just a huge advocate fortrue love, okay?

               -If he loves a woman, then so beit. If he loves a man, again, so be it.

               -He’s a very relaxed andtrusting person so getting close to you was natural

               -Would constantly call you lateat night when he couldn’t sleep just so the two of you could talk about theworld, your fears, and what you guys wish you could do over

               -You were always the firstperson to every gallery of his, and always the last to leave

               -He would spend hours at a timetalking to you about every picture he’s taken- pointing out key elements andexpressing to you how each detail makes him feel

               -After a while, he decided youwould be a great person to go on photography trips with, because you had a keeneye, and immense passion!

               -So, the next trip abroad, hebrought you along!

               -Loved seeing how excited youwere to see the sights! Every time you saw something you thought was beautifulor amazing, your eyes would shine and your entire face would light up

               -As he sat in his hotel room,waiting for you to join him before leaving for the airport at the end of thetrip, he took it upon himself to look through his camera

               -But he quickly realized that itwas almost all pictures of you

               -Your smile, how you tilted yourhead in confusion at things, even one where you looked like a chipmunk becauseyou stuffed a ton of food into your mouth at once

               -He knew exactly what he feltwhen he saw these pictures of you, he felt it before with Rika- only this timeit felt natural, pure, and right

               -You knocked on the door andwaited for him to answer. “V? Are you ready to go? It would be terrible ifwe missed our flight!”

               -The door opened and you noticedhis camera in his hand, he ushered you into his room.

               -“Yes, I’m just about ready.I just have to get one more picture before we go.”

               -You tilted your head slightlyand watched as a smile spread across his face. “A picture of what? Ithought you’ve already gotten great pictures of the view from your roo-”

               -You were cut off by him placinghis lips softly against yours, your eyes fluttered shut and the loud click ofthe camera capturing the moment was the only thing that could be heard overyour pounding heart

*SAERAN:

               -It would take him the longesttime to realize he had any sort of emotional attachment to you

               -He actually talked to yourather than, say, Saeyoung

               -When you would come over tovisit, he would sit with you on the couch in silence until Saeyoung come out,then he’d get mad and leave

               -Would scoot closer to you eachtime, hoping you wouldn’t notice.

               -Couldn’t help it?? There wassomething about you that felt… comforting- something he hasn’t felt in a verylong time

               -One day, he came and sat rightnext to you, letting you watch as he played a game on his handheld

               -At first, he would ignore youand make faces when you told him to do something, but after a while he realizedyou were right and would do as you said

               -Now, every time he got stuck ina game, he would show up at your door and just shove the system into your hand

               -He’d watch you play over yourshoulder, getting close to you and not even realizing it

               -Once, he hugged you from behindand rested his chin on your shoulder because it took such a long time for youto beat the level he was stuck on. You didn’t say anything about it thoughbecause you didn’t want him to stop

               -YOU NOTICED THAT HE LIKED YOUBEFORE HE EVEN NOTICED AND LEMME TELL YOU HOW

               -He offered you half of his icecream. Half of it. Not even a spoonful. Half.

               -You took a direct hit to theheart, and from then on you had to remind yourself to tread lightly because youknew he was still new with these kind of feelings

               -Every time he would quietlygrab your hand to show you something you had to fight a blush, and fight evenharder when he didn’t remember to let go

               -He brought his game to you onceagain and when you handed it back, he kissed the side of your head softly andthrew a, “Thanks, love you” over his shoulder when he left the room-you were left sitting there completely red in the face

               -Suddenly, you heard runningback towards the room you were in, followed by a hand gripping the doorwaytightly to stop himself from sliding

               -He looked at you with wide eyesand a crimson red face- he practically looked like a deer in the headlights

               -His mouth kept opening andclosing as he tried to find words to say, and you just stared at him

               -Finally he threw his hands upand started to walk back down the hall

               -“Fuck it,” he calledout, “You heard what I said. I’m not taking it back”

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