#and the thing is. before i used to cling rly hard to the idea of. 'yes bc if u REST REALLY GOOD u will ACTUALLY be REFRESHED and be able to

[iraprince]

tvw mentioned!!!!! would be really exciting to see those guys again, dog with a gun will forever have my heart🩷 no pressure tho, ive been following u since the tail end of acid soup, and idk what u put in ur characters but its like catnip to me, all ur original stories are so compelling. i hope u always feel free to pick up and put down whatever u want whenever u want forever!!!!!!

thank you so much, hearing that means a ton to me <3 you know what, i DO feel free in that way, which is something that hasn't always been easy for me. but it's made a lot easier by the fact that u guys tend to be, like, really cool and understanding and supportive about it, which i really really appreciate!!

[rjschoicesstuff]

Iris

I also wanted to write up a post more focussed on Luke's daughter Iris hehe, text under the cut :)

In bulletpoints bc easier

She's very gentle and pretty shy, especially when she's very little she'd just cling to her parents while warily eyeing people.

It gets a bit better as she gets older but she'll always stay a bit shy.

People point out that she looks sooo much like her dad and she jokingly asks which one they mean.

Her favourite toy is a ladybug plushie.

Luke named her after the greek goddess Iris, goddess of rainbows. Funny enough Iris also loveees bright colours and rainbow motifs. And loves the meaning of her name. I think Luke sorta picked it because she came after a bit of a dark period for him.

She's also a big animal lover, she loves them all, bugs, birds, fish.. She's rly enamored with the animals at Hestia and loves helping take care of them.

Luke takes her for horserides through the colony sometimes, which she really enjoys. Once she's bigger she'll learn how to ride on her own, but that'll take a while because they only have those big war horses lol.

Like mentioned before, she's veryyy much not squeamish and super curious about drones. When drone corpses are brought to the lab she wants to see them because it's her chance to safely see them from closeby. Around age 14 she gets to watch Shannon perform an autopsy for the first time and for her 16th birthday she got to help with one for the first time.

Funny enough, despite not being squeamish, she does scare very easily though. She just doesn't think drones are very scary anymore after they've been killed. Scary stories told by classmates really upset her sometimes and whenever she's had a bad dream she's often too scared to sleep alone anymore.

A lot of things seem really fun and interesting to her and as a kid her ideal future job/task changes every two weeks.

She does consistently say that she wants to help find the cure for the virus when she's older, tho I think as she gets older she'll realise that's not gonna happen because she's not good at th kinda stuff u gotta be good at for that lol. And she's fine with that.

It's not really in her nature to fight, but Luke still started teaching her how to defend herself as soon as possible + she has a pocket knife juuust in case... um Luke hopes she's never gonna have to use it. To stab anything or anyone at least.

Eli teaches her how to shoot a bow because she requests it and she enjoys shooting at targets for fun. She's quite good at it too.

She expresses a lot of interest in learning how to treat wounds and stuff and Shannon does teach her + other stuff that's useful to know. Around age 16 she regularily starts helping at the medical tent. (Which isn't a tent anymore by then I think)

She's super curious about the other colonies and in general just the world outside of Hestia, Luke knoooows she's going to want to get out once she's older and he's already worrying about it LMAO. Especially because she's not much of a fighter + scares so easily. He finally gets how Brynn must've felt about him. Except he did have more fight in him and stuff lol.

She enjoys making necklaces and bracelets and is always gifting those to people she likes. She whole group has bracelets with their name on it that they got from her lol.

Angel let her draw on the walls in her room (Angel's room I mean) and even like 10 years later the drawings are still there.

As soon as she learns about cartoons she wants to see one so bad. I like the idea of one of the more artistic people in the colony drawing her one of those flipbook animations.

She starts writing a diary when she's 8 and keeps the habit for the rest of her life.

When she first starts going to the school she cries for her parents a lot and definitely has a hard time with the whole transition.

She has two best friends, two girls who were really set on comforting her when she was having such a hard time at school those first weeks. When she's 8 the 3 of them move out of their parents' rooms and get a room of their own together.

@choicescommunityevents

[rollercoasterwords]

i always find the discourse about wlw rep in the fandom sk interesting. like. i’m not gonna lie and say that it isn’t something i haven’t agreed with and gone “yeahh i do want wlw” “yeah omg why is there an attention on mlm”. it’s frustrating sometimes. esp when i was younger i distinctly remember being freshly new out of the closet (and by that time i was alr reading mlm ff) and then going to look for wlw and being kind of. disappointed. being older now, and interacting with a lot of other ppl, and understanding things more i wholeheartedly agree with ur points abt this. it’s true. it makes sense. but i can see why it’s so hard for ppl to grasp. and i understand why ppl are always always bringing up this discourse. before i had someone point it out to me in that sense like “look ff is different than the main media we consume” i hadn’t rly made that connection, bc to me, it was just media. it was entertainment, it was a silly little story just like so many id read before. and like. obviouslyyy now i see how while it may feel like it’s all the same to me, it’s not and it warrants a different type of behavior and attitude almost. but it can be hard to get to that point, even after someone points it out. and it can hard to let go to that way of thinking even after you know it’s “wrong” (i say this in quotes bc i don’t rly think it’s wrong per so but like. uninformed. or ignorant almost). there is a very fine line between the mainstream media we consume and ff but that line is hidden under layers and layers of ideas and concepts we alr have (and it’s hole only dug deeper with things like tik tok, where you see multiple multiple videos telling you every day that “we should demand more wlw rep” etc and considering it’s an app that doesn’t encourage ppl to think critically at allll) so yeah idk where i was rly going with this, but it’s just always smth i think abt when i see this discrouse.

and like side note, that’s not to say that there isn’t wlw there are so so so many great fics out there, and like you said, if you want it so desperately just simply do it yourself etc etc, but in the context of this, i think ppl cling to the idea of wanting a mega popular everyone’s read it this is the fic™️ fic for wlw abd they want the same kind of discourse and tik tok popularity and attention that mlm fics get yk? that’s why a lot of the times, the need snd incessant screaming for that drowns out the voices alr there.

yeah i mean i understand where it's coming from when people say they wish there was more "wlw rep" in the fandom and i do think that the people who act as if they need to Crusade for more wlw fic are mostly coming from a place of ignorance re: the way fanfic functions as an inherently different form of media from books, movies, etc. and i'm sure that part of it is coming from a place of wanting to feel like u can make some Real Change in the media u consume. however i do think a large part of it is also coming from wanting to virtue signal for brownie points and also knowing that stirring up controversy and acting as if u are Crusading on behalf of a Good Cause will get u more likes and views. and at the end of the day regardless of where it's coming from it is all equally annoying and equally harmful in the way that it seeks to drag fanfiction into some sort of internet profit economy. so! it's like...do i think that many of these people are just misinformed? yes, absolutely. but i will be honest and say that personally i am running out of sympathy for people who are just soooooo sad because they want more wlw fics simply because. well me myself and i when we looked around the marauders fandom and thought "hmm this could use some more lesbians" we simply wrote fanfiction about lesbians. and it's like well yes i understand that me myself and i are an immortal being with godlike power who is better than everyone but these people could still at least TRY to get on my level like c'mon now....this is perhaps one of the only forms of media where u actually have direct control over what "representation" u can find. and complaining that "there's no good wlw fic" is insulting to everyong who writes good wlw fics. not very #feminist methinks!!!

also to ur sidenote--i think this is so true! in my little foray into the tiktok comments on all these discourse videos over the last like week or so i have seen over and over and over again people going "we need an atyd but for the girls!!!" and it's like....why. PAUSE for one second. rewind. think about why u feel that it is necessary for there to be One Big Viral Fic in order for a ship to Officially Have Representation. what does that say about the way you engage with fandom. what does that say about your definition of "representation." what does that say about the metrics u are using to like....assign value to fanfics. because personally to me it signals that u have been so sucked into this weird tiktokification of fanfiction that u only think fic is worth engaging with if it's reached a certain level of virality on tiktok, which is half of what's giving way to this whole "representation" issue in the first place, because the problem isn't that people aren't writing wlw fics, it's that you aren't seeing them because they aren't one of TikTok's Top 5 Most Popular Fanfictions and you refuse to venture outside that corner of the fandom. and the snake eats its own tail once again </3

[ayyezhongli]

dom student council pres zhongli x troublemaker childe

Guess who’s back :D Back with some zhonchi smut for all u sinners. Note: Theres a lot of spelling errors bc when i wrote this i was telling it to a friend n they said i should post this n i’m too lazy to edit it so yeah! enjoy <3

summary kinda: child did something n is now stuck in detention with zhongli being a kinky president of the student council watching him.

so childe is bored asf n tries seducing zhongli. but childe has always had a crush on zhongli. thats why he misbehaves to get his attention.

so zhongli says “ur here again” n sighs

“yup did you miss me?! dont answer that bc ik you did”

n zhongli sighs again all annoyed n shit

“seems you never learn”

“maybe i’m jus here bc i love n want to see you everyday”

n zhongli taking that as sarcasm rolls his eyes

“i doubt that.”

and so for like 30mins childe is making all these noises to get zhongli’s attention and annoy him which it works. and zhongli having enough of it already decides that he needs to be punished. so he gets up n walks over to the desk childe is sitting at cups his face with his hand grinning

“u rly like to get on my nerves dont you~…..” and childe’s tryna contain himself

“is it working~?”

“idk pretty boy….wanna find out for urself~…..”

n zhongli is like inches away from childe’s face. n childe still keeping his composure decides to tease back hoping to get what he’s longed for for so long.

“idk do i~?….”

and zhongli leans in n jus as hes abt to kiss childe he pulls away and walks back over to the teachers desk and childe is really disappointed bc he thought he finally had it but jus lost it. so zhongli goes back to working on his paperwork while childe is just furious.

”Is this how u treat everyone?! tease them and leave them with nothing. take advantage of us!!”

n zhongli bursts out laughing putting his papers in a neat stack

”ur quite interesting childe, if i said it was jus u would that make u feel better??”

and childe huffs rolling his eyes still rly pissed off.

“did u want more? were you expecting something more from me? something else?”

n childe blushing looks away

“fuck off”

n zhongli gets mad at the response and pulls out one of those long ass rulers n gets up n starts walking to childe.

“thats no way to speak to the student council president. you need to be punished”

so zhongli sets the ruler aside still pissed asf

“get up.” childe ignores.

”get up right now.” childe still ignores.

so zhongli grabs the ruler smacking it against the desk childe is at.

“GET UP RIGHT NOW!”

n childe jumps a little and gets up

“ok ok chill”

so childe walks over to zhongli n stands in front of him.

“im gonna punish n force you into submission until u completely submit to me”

childe laughs

“no way. you really think u can do that? just try”

“oh i will. just watch me”

(a/n: in this fic childe has bright pink sensitive nipples bc ughh 😩🤌🏾 well both of them have bright pink nipples but zhonglis r rly sensitive.)

so zhongli turns childe around n starts grinding against him causing childe to moan ever so slightly.

“do u like that~?”

n childe tryna keep his composure laughs to cover up a moan. n zhongli looks down and grins seeing childe’s hard erection through his clothes.

so zhongli reaches down n starts palming childe causing slightly louder moans to come out of his mouth.

“your so hard for me childe….what a naughty slutty little boy~“

childe loses it bc zhongli is finally saying the things he’s been dreaming of him saying. so zhongli amused starts licking the shell of his ear biting and nibbling it which makes childe blush harder. so zhongli reaches his hand down into childe’s pants and boxers and wraps his hand around childe’s dick which he almost cums. so zhongli starts pumping him n not even 30s he throws his head back on zhonglis shoulder n cums letting out a loud moan

“fuck zhongli~…..”

zhongli smirks very amused

“so quick to cum~ do i rly turn u on that much~?”

n childe fights the urge to nod his head and submit. he’s not going down without a fight.

“no i was just pent up. why would i be for someone like you!!”

zhongli snickers and slides his hands up childes shirt n starts taking it off.

“not submitting yet i see~….”

“did u think it would be that easy asshole? ha!”

so zhongli turns childe around.

“you should just give up now! your not go-“

n zhongli interrupts him with a passionate kiss. a long deep one filled with sexual tension n desire. he leaves childe blushing like crazy and gasping for air.

“what was that? i didnt catch the last part, say that again.”

“i said that i’m never gonna sub-“

n zhongli interrupts him again. same thing happens like 2 more times until childe gives up.

“can u repeat that one more time?”

and childe looks away with a annoyed expression on his face

“glad that shut u up~”

so then zhongli looks childe up and down bites his lip causing childe to blush.

“you’re kinda cute…i think i can use u….”

n childe blushes more

“and these nipples….”

zhongli says while pinching them making childe arch his back and moan loudly.

“they look pink and innocent…but when i pinch n twist them like this…”

childe lets out n even louder moan with a face flushed even more n drool running down the side of his mouth

“….you make such naughty noises and that really turns me on.”

and so zhongli continues pinch n play with them and then starts marking his neck.

“what if i made u mine hmm? my little fuck toy? or how abt pet?? you could be of some use to me….”

and all childe can do is whimper. so zhongli has him bend over on the teachers desk and pulls down childe’s pants. and he like squeezes childes plump round ass and caresses it before grabbing the ruler and spanking him with it which causes childe to moan n cum immediately.

“ur such a slutty masochist”

n childe groans n is like stuttering his words

“w-w-well ur so fucking sadis-“

n zhongli spanks him not with the ruler this time but his hand n childe jus looses it.

“ready to submit….?”

n childe tryna keep the ounce of pride he has left shakes his head.

“no!”

zhongli spanks him again.

“how abt now?”

“No!”

n so zhongli gets an idea n sticks his fingers inside childe’s mouth.

“suck”

childe does so n a minute later zhongli pulls them out.

“what are you gonna d- ahh!”

and zhongli’s fingers are wiggling around inside childe tryna get him prepared. childe has just completely lost it. he’s drooling all over the desk, moaning so loudly that if there was people here they would be able to hear, clinging onto the edge of the desk like his life is on the line.

“f-fuck zhongli…ahhh”

he’s a panting slutty mess. a fee mins later zhongli pulls his fingers out n takes off his own pants and boxers lining himself up to childes entrance. he inserts only the tip of his dick causing childe to go even more crazy if thats even possible n moan so fucking loud. but its been long enough. he wants more. more of zhongli inside him. he wants all. all of zhongli inside him. so he whimpers n cries out zhongli’s name.

“whats the problem sweetheart?”

zhongli says grinning from ear to ear.

“pls..”

childe says desperately

“pls what?”

”pls zhongli i-….”

“you…? gotta tell me what u want otherwise i wont know.”

“pls i want more of u….!!”

“beg for more than.”

“Zhongli pls i want ur cock inside me so bad. pls i’ll do anything!! just fuck me already!!”

“anything…?”

zhongli says slipping half way inside him.

“y-y-yes just pls fuck me!!”

n zhongli, a very satisfied man jus starts pounding into him hitting his g spot every time.

“Fuck! fuck! fuck! FUCK! ZHONGLI PLS SLOW DOWN AHH~!!”

n that only makes zhongli speed up and childe cums like multiple times. after a while, giving a few last thrusts zhongli comes for the second time inside childe. and pulls out while childe just drops to the floor completely unable to move or anything. jus a panting blushing hot slutty mess with zhongli’s cum dripping out of him. all pride lost. pulling his pants and boxers back on zhongli lifts him up to his feet and bc childe has no strength he just falls onto zhongli resting his head on his shoulder.

“now that you’ve completely submit to me, ur all mine~….mine to do whatever i pls with. mine and only mine. No one else….”

and childe jus nods groaning bc of the pain.

”i hope u learned ur lesson now. unless…. you wanna comeback again for another visit…”

n childe jus groans again.

“i see the way you look at me childe….a look filled with lust and desire…its really quite a turn on~….. you look so desperately….so needy….so vulnerable…the amount of times i wanted to bend you over and fuck u so hard until you cant walk is too much to count. i wanted to make you mine so no one else could have that innocent slutty little boy who’s just oozing with sexual desire. any man or woman would get turned on n wanna have there way with you. u needed to be protected and only by me.”

so zhongli grinds his teeth bc of how possessive he is.

“so no one but me can fuck u stupid. and now that ur finally mine…i dont have to worry abt it so much as before”

n so zhongli strokes childe’s hair n plants a kiss on his head.

“you’re my precious little play thing.”

and childe, burying his face into zhongli’s chest smiles bc thats all he ever wanted. and then he looks up at zhongli as zhongli looks down at him smiling.

“zhongli…?”

”yes?”

“if all u said was true….why were u such an asshole to me. you were stricter on me than others, ruder to me than others, tougher on me then others….so why?”

“why?”

zhongli chuckles n childe nods

“to keep a good reputation, but i also wanted to push you, everytime u got angry and gave me attitude it only turned me on. which is why i kept going….does that answer ur question?”

n childe grunts

“u sadistic fuck!”

n zhongli laughs

“says the one who got turned on every time i public humiliated or yelled at you….”

“thats not true!!”

“uh-huh…the sexual energy u admit would become stronger and i could hear your breathing getting heavier with breathy tiny moans and u would always part ur lips slightly and rub ur thighs together and on top of that, ur eyes squint ever so slightly.”

childe was speechless bc this whole time he thought he was being slick.

“w-w-well that doesnt matter!”

childe said huffing and zhongli only chuckled and kissed his head.

“hey childe…”

“what!”

“i love you….”

childe was blushing like crazy. never in a million years did he think zhongli would say that.

“you can’t just go randomly saying those things?!!”

childe said burying his face deeper into zhonglis chest.

“b-but i love you too i guess…”

he mumbled and zhongli smirked.

“look at me.”

childe looked up into zhonglis ambers eyes embarrassed asf.

“wh-wh-what is it?”

“you’re really cute yk.”

n zhongli leaned down slightly and kissed him before he could say anything else. the end :)

thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed even though its formatted weird and kinda sorta a story. 🥰

[symptoms-syndrome]

Re: friend again. No TWs just long

I think, and I'm just armchair psychoanalyzing here, the main issue I have w her is that she doesn't seem to be able to accept a grey area between "nothing is ever my fault" and "everyone hates me bc I mess everything up."

For example like. W our shitty roommate, he was shitty absolutely and he escalated things but like. She also was shitty to him? Like she would be aggressive or rude sometimes because of something aggressive or rude he did but sometimes also just in. Anticipation of him being aggressive/rude. And it's like. Can you not. And when I would confront her about it (usually framed in a way of "please just let him be stupid sometimes, not everything stupid he says needs a response or to be corrected bc I literally just want to have a good movie night" or whatever) she would accuse me of "taking his side." Which is what he would also accuse me of. And it's like I'm not taking any sides I just want to have a fun night watching a movie/show/etc without a fight about something dumb. And then later on after he had escalated things way too far she came to me to be like "oh I understand now you weren't taking his side" and it's like. Ok. Thanks. But do u realize u were also a part of the problem sometimes?

And like. It's also hard to know that she's very irrational for mental illness reasons while also knowing that no amount of me telling her she's irrational is going to make her less so. Like, she says that the shitty roommates think she's aggressive and hate her or whatever and I can't be like well. You have been aggressive. Like she threw a fit at the idea that W wanted a coffee table in the living room and then also brought in a huge shelf that blocks the window without asking. And she's like "they think ur just a neutral bad presence" or whatever and it's like yea ur correct. Probably bc I don't bother them. And she seems to think that the roommates are going to be aggressive to her when they move out and whatever and it's like. All evidence points to the contrary. Every time they've even so much as seen us they've avoided us entirely. So why would they suddenly 180 change their tune moving out. The only times they've been aggressive has been when she was aggressive.

And it's like. There can be a grey area here. You have fucked up you will continue to fuck up but fucking up doesn't have to mean that everything is ruined now? And I think that's a big problem like. She fucks up and then decides fuck it it's over and acts accordingly and makes things worse for herself.

Also she rly rly rly clings to me which is both triggering and annoying and a big pet peeve. I need to know my friends etc will be fine without me bc I do not have the energy to devote to them 24/7. Even romantic partners, I can't be the center of their whole life it just annoys me. And she just rly needs to hang w me all the time and have me validate her and thinks I'm the coolest person on earth or all she needs and it's like girl get some friends pls. But she can't make friends for some reason, I think bc she thinks she just needs me? Like she knows that regardless of whatever she can come back to me and it's like...not rly! No u can't! And I'm establishing those boundaries STRONG lately and I know she's mega hurt by that but like. Whatever. If she rly cares abt our friendship or w/e she's gonna need to learn MY needs as well. Bc I do kinda feel sometimes like I'm just a stuffed animal of a friend. I'm reliable and always there and always accommodating and like. I have been! But that's a limited time offer! And only renews if you're reciprocal about it!

And like. IDK I would consider moving if I didn't think this apartment was perfect. And I think I'm still friends with her like she has the potential to be a good friend she just rly needs some fucking therapy!!! Like she was in therapy before (and it had to end due to reasons outside her control) and was fine. But now she's just IDK despairing instead of trying to find somebody. And it's like. I've offered to show her how to get a case worker to do all the work. I've shown her how to find therapists. You're 37 girl!!! You're a big girl you gotta get ur own shit done!!! I'm a little over half ur age how come I'm more adult than you!!!

I'm hoping having two people move in who are like. Rational and adult and "neutral" will help her realize her behavior is mentally ill. She does know she's mentally ill n all but she doesn't seem aware the extent to which her experiences are not just. The human condition. Like when she left a previous event (a big like. Club night thing) bc she was like "I just felt like everyone there hated me" and I'm like "oh so anxiety" and she's like "what" bc she somehow thought that was a normal thing to think? Like this is a huge dance party at night in the relative dark w tons of people nobody is paying attention enough to anyone in particular to hate you.

[shingia]

Hello!!! I love ur fics sm 😭💖 This is weirdly specific and been plaguing my mind for days,,, Can I req an angsty fic where Atsumu broke up with the reader because he wants to chase his dreams and ultimately leaves but with the reader saying "I'll wait" . A few months later he seeks for the reader again and finds out the reader has terminal illness and is dying. You can decide if there's major character death or a miracle,,,, please and thank u so much!!

𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐨 - 𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

aw thank youuuu <33 and also WOW this request is in-tense, i modified the ‘terminal illness’ part a little bit for plot convenience, but i rly hope you’re gonna like it ! i am : stressed. also, i’m a sucker for happy endings (just ignore my last bokuto fic) so i couldn’t go full angst on that one 😅

quick storytime : my great grandpa died from heartbreak and i always thought it was a beautiful (yet very sad) way to die, so i guess that’s where i got my inspiration from <3

⤷  atsumu x gn!reader | angst | word count : 1.7K

warnings : hospital environment, heart condition, mild description of ‘illness’ and mentions of death (a little)

your first kiss with miya atsumu had been sloppy, dizzy, with a strong scent of rum and smudged lip balm all over your lips. but there was no doubt that it had been the best kiss of your entire lives…

…just like your last had been the worst. 

two months later, atsumu still couldn’t forget the salty taste of your lips that begged him not to leave. if he focused hard enough, he could even remember the feeling of your hands desperately clinging to his jacket in a last attempt at making him stay by your side.

but he didn’t, and as much as he hated himself for putting an end - even temporary - to what had been the most beautiful chapter of his life, he had never regretted his decision ; and he knew exactly why. you had promised to wait for him, and in pure egoism, he knew and hoped that you would. because no matter the distance, he was still madly in love with you.

which is why he did not understand why osamu was so outraged when he told him that he was finally ready to come back to you. but the younger twin knew things that his brother didn’t - he had seen you let yourself waste away, like nothing else mattered without the one you loved.

but more than that, atsumu did not know about the secret his brother promised to keep. he did not know that, two weeks ago, osamu had found you unconscious in your living room with an alarmingly slow heartbeat. the poor boy had not understood everything the doctors had told him - but whatever a cardiogenic shock was, he knew that it would have carried you off if without his intervention.

however, you had been categorical : atsumu shouldn’t not know about this, under any pretext. you refused to be a burden to the pursuit of his dreams for which he had already sacrificed so much for. but now that atsumu was back, something about this promise didn’t sit right with his brother. and so he decided to tell him everything.

« …most doctors thought about a standard heart attack » he told him after explaining the situation, on the lookout for any impulsive reaction from his brother. « … but one of them talked about something else. you might want to sit down ».

but atsumu couldn’t care less about his brother’s advice. actually, he didn’t care about anything else than you right now. it was already taking a lot of effort for him to stand there listening to samu instead of being on his way to the hospital - but he stayed. for an obscure reason that he didn’t really understand, he stayed.

« did you know that people can die of heartbreak ? » osamu asked, more serious than he had ever been in his whole life. 

the blonde twin felt like the ground had suddenly swallowed him whole - although his brother was trying his best not to sound too accusating, it was more than obvious that whatever situation you were in was because of him. and only him.

« no they can’t » he tried to protest, not even believing in his own words. panic was beginning to win him over - and in a matter of seconds, he lost all his composure « WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT MOVING ? LET’S GO ! » he shouted, already opening the front door. at that moment, one question burned his lips, but he knew he would never have the guts to ask it out loud. 

‘did i kill them ?’

——

the steady beeps of all the machines around you were the only thing disrupting the deafening silence of your hospital room. you were sick of spending your days alone. but you had no right to complain, osamu had offered to come and see you after work every day, but you had politely refused. well, politely was a big word… your body was so exhausted that you had trouble articulating simple phrases, and therefore exclusively communicated through nods or hand gestures.

your phone had been confiscated and the doctors kept you away from the news - or at least from the negative news, because they knew that your heart might give out at the tiniest emotional distress.

which is why you were so surprised to hear a knock on your door at about 3pm, outside of the nurses’ shift hours. knowing that you were too weak to talk, osamu let himself in, slowly closing the door behind him before coming closer to your bed.

« how are you doing ? » he asked, resting his hands on the other end of the bed. you shrugged, pointing at the IV and all the monitoring surrounding you. as long as these machines were there, it was hard to feel better than just ok. « listen, um… someone is here for you. the doctors said i could bring him in, but i wanted your authorization first… �� he started before clearing his throat. « atsumu is back. do you- are you ready to see him ? ».

ready was probably not an appropriated word. but after two months spent pretending that he was still laying next to you in bed every night, still texting you good morning every day, still sending you the dumbest memes at the most random times, it would have been a huge mistake to refuse osamu’s proposition.

and so he let him in. obviously, atsumu had orders from the doctors and his brother : don’t run, don’t move too fast, don’t speak too soon, don’t touch them without warning. but nobody had asked him not to cry. and how could his eyes stay dry when you looked so fragile and so vulnerable ?

osamu quietly left the room, leaving the two of you together not without apprehension. but if there was one thing he could trust his brother on, it was taking care of you. two months could not have gotten the better of four years of relationship.

but as much as he cared about you, atsumu had always been - and still was - pretty bad with words. and the first ones that left his mouth were a great example. « are you going to die ? » he asked in a shaky voice, brows knitted.

you would have given him an answer if you had one, but you didn’t. the doctors said that you had gone through the most painful part, but the risks of aggravations were still too important to let you go home. you were not 100% safe yet.

« i told you i’d wait » you spoke in a hoarse voice, the beep of your heart monitor getting a little bit faster.

the steps atsumu took towards you were slow, like he had been told, but just one glance at his eyes was enough to know that deep down, he was dying to feel your skin against his.

« i know you probably hate me right now. and for good reasons » he started as he sat on the chair next to your bed, still painfully avoiding any contact. « but there’s something i need to tell you, in case… in case… well, if something were to happen ».

his eyes lingered on your fingertips, blue and cold, and his whole body tensed at once. the thought that everything you were going through had been caused by his own selfishness was driving him crazy. but he had one last thing to keep himself grounded, and that thing was exactly what he was about to tell you.

« i love you. but i caused you so much trouble that i think there’s only one way to prove it… » he said, taking a deep breath before finally resting a timid hand on your arm. « i want to marry you. right now. i don’t fucking care if it’s not considered official, i just want you to know that leaving you was probably the biggest mistake i ever did. and that i’m not leaving ever again. so fuck it, let’s get married ! you almost died, life’s too short to plan a stupid ceremony ».

he stopped for a few seconds, panting from his teary monologue and paying attention to any beep or other sound that might indicate that he had made things worse for you. but it seemed like you were doing ok. how could you not be ? the love of your life had just proposed to you - sure, it wasn’t how you had imagined it, but wasn’t it even more beautiful like that ?

the tears that started rolling down your cheeks were undoubtedly tears of happiness and relief to know that, finally, your life was back to normal. atsumu was your normality, and for the first time in two months, you finally felt like you had a purpose. you had no idea if soulmates existed, but what you had with atsumu seemed more than close enough.

if someone had entered the room at that moment, it’d probably have taken them several minutes to understand what was going on. two young adults, crying yet smiling, one of them laying on a hospital bed looking like they had been through hell and back, and the other tearing off two pieces of his t-shirt and looking genuinely proud of himself -  nothing about this made sense.

« my apologies, it was the easiest way to make us rings » atsumu chuckled, eyes still blurry as grabbed your hand in his with infinite tenderness. slowly, he tied the piece of cloth around your ring finger, loosely enough so that the doctors would not consider it dangerous for your blood circulation.

« i’m keeping that until you’re getting out of here. by my side. » he affirmed, pointing at his own makeshift ring before looking right into your eyes, as serious as ever. « and i’m also keeping you. forever. consider this my wedding vows »

as much as he hated to phrase it like that, you could both die in peace now.

i spent so much time on medical sites to be as accurate as i could, i felt like meredith mf grey for a few hours

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

diz I hate that I'm so upset about this - the thing that upsets me the most is this persistent feeling that a rebound fling is wildly ooc regardless of how heartbroken/despairing he is + the frustration that his first real relationship mostly takes place off screen in a 20 min recap...

see, i actually disagree with everyone saying it's out of character. if carol wasn't married at the time then i would be like "wtf?" but i think the idea is that daryl is a one woman man, but his one woman was taken, so he tried to move on, but even then a part of him was still clinging to that one thread of hope, knowing that what he's doing doesn't quite fit. it's not until she says they can't spend time together anymore does he decide to try and go all in with leah, which is extremely telling and delicious, which is why the note doesn't bother me at all. i think it was him trying rly hard to have that One True Relationship that he craved but couldn't have, and i think when leah shows up again it'll come to light that he was fooling himself and he doesn't actually want to be with her.

consider how much time has elapsed in the flashback. he has been desperately alone for years. it's not fair to say that he's not allowed to try and move on; to seek what he wanted from carol in someone else. i think daryl is absolutely a mate-for-life-like-a-penguin dude, and he rly wanted (/wants) that, and so he tried to get it where he could. it's a remarkable show of vulnerability on daryl's part, and remarkably human. think of it less of a fling and more that his wounds were so deep and painful he just wanted something to pack them. and the fact that it happens off screen seems very intentional. a visual representation that he was trying to make it real, but it wasn't and was never going to be

i'm 100% genuine when i say that it seems true to character to me. if i were to write a daryl/temp story i would write it the exact same way.

(now, am i cool with yet another woman being used to carry the character development of a man? well, that's a whole other thing entirely)

let the story be told before you judge. a lot (a LOT) can be said in the nonverbal aspects that we don't get spoilers on, especially when it comes to daryl. kang has written so beautifully and consistently so far, i have no reason to doubt her

don't take the bait. trust the narrative. i think there's more than what meets the eye,

-diz

(note: i'm not gonna do a whole lot more meta on the episode, bc ive made my point and you guys make me anxious (not bc of the show, but bc of the energy), and im rly sick rn and can't handle a whole lot of added stress. but i have like 80000 anons in my inbox rn asking about this, so i thought id answer, and i might answer others if i think i have something new and important to add. just know that if i don't post your ask it isn't personal)

[my-brothers-corrupted]

Chapter Four - Part 2

Blue and Henrik try to take care of each other after the difficult night Anti caused them before returning to their twins.

Tws for discussions of abuse between brothers, threats of stabbing, and mind control.

Part 2 - okay i really want to title this chapter 'I'm a healer, but...'

Part 2 - In the Silence Between

Anonymous asked: Henrik? Was a camera left with you?

By the time the sun rises the next day, there is enough light for you to make him out again.

It takes him a long time to stir, curled up like a worm on the sidewalk though he may be. He is still concussed. You know from the first moment he squints his eyes up at you, blinking as a mole blinks. He sneezes and it makes him cry for pain, curling back down around his aching head.

The chains on the door clink. He sits up fast and only worsens the pounding in his head, letting out a low groan and shrinking away from Blue’s body as the door fall open wide.

“Dok,” whispers Blue, faltering to his knees beside him. “It’s me.”

“Liar,” hisses Henrik, shoving his shoulders. “Get away from me, you fuck.”

Blue reaches gently out for his hand and intertwines their fingers like a pinkie promise. I’m here. I’m with you.

Dok breathes out a terrified sigh and draws in relieved air, wiping at his aching head.

“You hot?” murmurs Blue.

“So hot,” he whimpers. “I am melting.”

“Let’s get you in the shower.”

“Blue… thank you.”

“Come on, darling. Blue’s here. It’s still my job to take care of you, little brother.”

Anonymous asked: Blue, are you doing okay? I know Henrik is priority but I imagine Anti just disentangled himself from you, right?

“You’re pale,” whispers Henrik. “You feel alright?”

“I’ll be okay, Dok. I think I’m getting used to it.”

“I don’t want you to get used to it,” answers Dok, distressed.

Blue leads him towards the other bathroom on the second floor, his arm wrapped around Dok’s waist. His eyes wear darkness.

“We share dreams in the same head,” he says, helping Dok sit down at the bottom of a bathtub. “Sometimes, in the night, I hear him talking to me, but I try not to answer, and he tries to make himself stop.”

Anonymous asked: Henrik, how hurt are you, if you know? I hope not too badly. You don't have to answer, though, your brain might be a little foggy right now.

“I would need a CT to know for sure,” he mumbles, gasping as Blue turns the showerhead right on him. “Fuck, Blau, I’m still dressed!”

“Your clothes are a mess, bud. I think you threw up.”

“We have a washing machine now.”

“Want to risk Trick seeing that in the wash and asking questions?”

Henrik winces, closing his eyes.

“Dok, Anti told me what he’d do to Trick if you let him know. But maybe it would just be better to tell him. He’s going to find out eventually anyway, and it could turn him to our side - ”

“Stop!” snaps Dok, whirling on him with fear in his eyes. This makes him groan again, clutching at the dent in his forehead. “I won’t risk his skin for my own…”

Blue doesn’t press it. Dok’s having a hard enough day as it is. He rolls up his pants and sits on the side of the tub besides his little brother, covering the dent as he massages shampoo into his hair.

“Is that nice?” he asks with a soft laugh, seeing Dok relax.

Henrik nods quietly, wiping at tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, my love.”

“It’s not your fault,” whispers Dok.

“Do you think your head will be okay?”

“Tell me if you notice me losing any skills or awareness. Most likely the damage won’t set in until we’re much older.”

“Like an American football player.”

“They say every concussion takes six months off your life,” agrees Dok morbidly. Blue leans down to hug his soapy head to his chest for a second.

“You can have six of mine,” he offers gently, opening the body wash.

Anonymous asked: Hm I guess when he's in control he takes the split consciousness and completely submerges you in it so it's basically just him but when you're both unconscious, it's more even between you? Like if he's in a state of rest, he's not completely taking you down, but since your body is pretty much resting for two people it's not enough to completely hand control back to you since you're the one who has to deal with the effects? Am I reading into that correctly?

“Maybe.” Blue tries to wrap his head around it all at once, his eyes flickering. “I… don’t know. But sometimes when he’s awake I feel something between us too. It was like that day where the magician came to our home in Singapore, when Anti and I were both trying to protect Trick. Like… we’re almost working together. But then we pull away again. It makes me a little afraid.”

Blue cleans Dok’s stained beard with a washcloth, letting him rest against the side of the tub, his shadowed eyes closed. “It makes me wonder if I’m not more like him than I want to be, for us to be able to see each other like that. Your chest and face are clean, do you want help with the rest?”

Dok makes himself wake up again and takes the washcloth. Blue steps back to give him some privacy. He catches sight of himself in the mirror on the wall.

Pain and grief flood his features. He turns away from the image of himself. Supposedly himself, anyway.

That is not a person he recognizes.

sophiness asked: My favourite thing is the fact that we can only see what's rly going on in Anti's head is when he's having an existential crisis.

Blue gives a low chuckle. “What, do you have the tea? I hope he’s having a fucking breakdown. Maybe if I can learn a little bit more about how he thinks there will be a benefit to this possession shit after all.”

Anonymous asked: Oh that's.. interesting. If that's not too personal, what are your shared dreams like? Is it coherent at all?

“I think there were snippets?” says Blue. “Snippets that I understood. Like Dap’s eyes, and Trick just staring at us, but his throat was bleeding the way Anti’s does. And then there was this really weird, like, figure at the door, with the forest around it. And they frightened me, but it made Anti move towards it, and he was talking, but I couldn’t hear what he said to it. And then the figure turned and walked away from him while he was trying to reach it, and he woke up upset, and laid with Dapper for a long time. But then, I don’t even remember all of our waking moments. I think he can shut me down when he has the energy and thinks to do it.”

“Well, you’ve got one thing right, at least.”

Blue yelps and turns to see Anti standing inside the bathroom. The door is closed and they didn’t hear it open. Blue bites down the urge to swear at him, the memories of last night still too fresh in his mind. He sits down on the side of the tub to shield Dok, turning his eyes away from Anti’s.

“That’s what I thought,“ snipes Anti, advancing on them both. Ignoring Dok’s nakedness, hidden to you by the side of the tub, Anti pushes back his hair and examines the dent in his head, pulling his hand away after a moment and staring down at the two of them.

“Can we go back to our twins now, Anti?” asks Dok. “Please?”

“Now that’s a more polite way to ask than all that screaming and thrashing you two got up to last night,” sneers Anti. “Yes, you can. On one condition.”

“What?” asks Blue, knowing he’s waiting for a reply.

“Blue’s body is a fucking wreck. You two make sure it gets fed and watered and whatever. And Dok, I want you to make him exercise.”

“To make him exercise? Your idea of exercise is play-fighting… or just real fighting. He can barely walk.”

“I’m not an idiot, Arzt. Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor? Make him stronger again. Use the pool. That’s easier on humans. Good for you.”

“I’m not a physical therapist, Anti, I’m a heart surgeon.”

“Are you arguing with me?” asks Anti in a sickly sweet voice. “Would you like an up-close view of a heart that needs fixing right now?”

Dok flinches away from him, shaking his head.

“Just don’t let it fucking die or something stupid. I need it functional. Got it?”

Blue wraps his arms uncomfortably around his stomach. Dok looks up at him.

“Got it,” they both say.

“There’s my good pets,” says Anti, his face contorted with derision, and, mercifully, he leaves them alone again. If you’re watching your cameras, you’ve seen that he has not left Dapper’s side for the past hour, the two of them having a lie-in in the great big bed, wrapped warmly around each other.

Anonymous asked: Regardless of morals and standards, everyone has hopes, dreams, fears, and values. Anti's are crooked but it's not impossible for his to align with yours at times. honestly your want for control is probably growing since it's been stripped away from you. That doesn't make you Anti, that makes you human. However I certainly don't trust the magical connection between you two, it's clear that it's not just skin-deep (pun intended, fuck you) so if you say things are creeping too far, it's too far.

Blue sighs through his nose. The day has just begun and already he’s so tired. He doesn’t want to go downstairs. He doesn’t want to swim. He just wants to go back to bed.

But he’s got them to look after, no matter what the doubts in his head, no matter the growing connection between himself and the creature that’s been putting him on for pajamas at night.

And, he thinks, as he towels Dok’s fluffy brown hair between one of the thick bathroom towels in the cabinet and wraps it like a blanket around his thin shoulders, it’s not really so bad when there are moments like these. Dok looks at him like he’s in awe of him, dazed and trusting, clinging to Blue’s shirt.

“Let’s go take you to your little brother,” he says, leading Dok towards the stairs.

“Airplane,” mumbles Dok, rubbing at his head.

“What?”

“Airplane.” He points to the top stairs. “De flugzeug.”

A small paper airplane is waiting for them. Blue picks it up cautiously, waiting for tricks.

But it’s just the poem his twin sent him as a present, the one he tore out of the book. And if you saw only the beginning last night, the morose ramblings of a reflective man, here is the finish:

And yet I still am half in love with pain, With what is imperfect, with both tears and mirth, With things that have an end, with life and earth, And this moon that leaves me dark within the door.

You see Blue’s mouth curve into a small smile that is entirely his own. And there, at the bottom of the banister, fast asleep against the stairs, waits an imperfection for whom he would suffer all things: Ro, waiting for him.

Anti can do what he wants to him in the night. Daytime is for daylight, and the sun shines off his brothers.

.

“Hey,” murmurs Trick, sitting up in bed. “Hey, stop. What’s that? Where’d you get that?”

Dok turns away from the fingers approaching the purple dent in his head.

Trick stands up and forces him to look at him, his eyes wide and worried. “Don’t look away from me. Where’d you get that? Fuck, your pupils are totally fucked up. Sit down, bro, hey, I’m here. Noodle, come sit on your uncle’s lap. I’ll go get you an icepack, Dok, just - ”

“No,” says Dok, reaching out for his wrist. “No, Trick, just stay.”

Trick is supposed to be giving orders these days, but even if he were a commanding personality in the slightest, he would still do what Dok asked of him. He sits down beside his brother on the bed they are not allowed to share, staring at that wound in his head like God put it there and now it’s Trick’s job to crash down St. Peter’s gates and enact a swift revenge.

“Tell me who,” says Trick, pointing at the wound. “Who did that to you. Red, huh? You did something he didn’t like and he grabbed you again? Or Dapper?”

“Stop,” says Dok, more afraid by the guesses than he would have been if Trick had begun to guess his secret. “Don’t - how can you say that?”

“Red’s done things like this to us before,” says Trick bitterly, getting to his feet again. “I’ll fucking show him to lay his hands on you.”

“It wasn’t Red! I hit my head on the bathroom counter. Slipped on my clothes as I was changing. It was stupid.”

Trick sits down, distraught. “Dok, you never lie to me. That’s supposed to be why we’re twins. You and I, we got each other’s secrets. Even the really secret secrets. You have to trust me.”

Dok’s eyes water. He turns away, hiding the bruise beneath his palm.

Trick sits miserably beside him, staring at the floor. Noodle watches them with concern, sitting on Trick’s feet. “Mrr,” he prompts them, butting Henrik’s calf.

“I just got you back,” whispers Trick. “I wish we could sleep together again. Then I would know you were safe from everybody and everything. And that no one was going to take you from me again.”

He glances over and his hands reach out. For a second, Dok thinks he’s going to touch his shoulder and draw him in to hug him - but instead, Trick reaches out and wraps his hand around one of the raven necklaces on Dok’s breast.

Henrik feels a stone in his throat. He can hardly breathe. Trick glares at the necklaces. He hates them. He hates that they’re there. He hates that the magicians put dangerous thoughts into Dok’s head so he has to stay upstairs with Anti. He hates that his twin just lied to him.

“What if I said it was Anti?” croaks Dok, his voice shaking.

“Who was keeping you safe instead of me?”

“Who hit my head.”

Trick looks up, surprised.

And if Dok’s concussed, well - Trick’s eyes are more glazed over still.

“Anti’s never hit you,” says the person in the world who’s been with Dok every time Anti has made him bleed, bruise, and cry. They used to commiserate in whispers under the covers of their nest, reassuring each other through every pain that came with hands clutched together and secret, distant hopes to live a better life someday, together. Now, Trick’s familiar voice is thick and sleepy, and not from the cozy comfort of their brotherhood - he sounds drugged more than tired. Noodle leaves his feet and hides away under the bed soundlessly. “He would never.”

It’s Dok’s turn to stare at the floor. He wants to cry or scream or protest, but in the end he just feels dead.

Trick drops his hand from the necklaces. He reaches for Dok’s face and rubs his brother’s beard against his knuckles, setting his head down on his shoulder.

“Did you miss me?” asks Dok softly. “While I was away?”

“I think I tried to,” answers Trick, sounding confused. “But it was hard to remember, I guess. I just knew I was lonely without you next to me. And last night, I was lonely again like that.”

“You should stay closer to Red,” murmurs Dok, ready for a change of subject.

“I hate him,” whispers Trick. “I hate everybody but you and Anti.”

“Don’t say that, Trick. I know it’s not true.”

Trick snuggles closer to his shoulder, closing his eyes. In the morning light, they are hand-in-hand.

Dok doesn’t know why he feels his brother is being taken farther and farther away from him every time they speak.

“I love you,” says Dok. “More than anything.”

“I love you too,” says Trick, sharing a rare kiss with him, pressing his mouth to Dok’s cheek. “Lie down and rest. Your head has to be killing you. I’ll make you breakfast. This house, this place - it’s everything we need, man. Months and months we’ve been hoping for a place like this and now, finally, I actually get to take care of you the way I’ve always wanted to.”

“With food?” asks Dok, trying to smile weakly at him.

Trick smiles back. “Yes,” he says. “With food.”

He isn’t often himself, lately.

But his love language is bacon and orange juice and sweet summer watermelon, and he still loves Dok.

Anonymous asked: What do you remember of the marketplace, Trick, when everyone was reunited again? Everything? Pieces? Did Anti take you aside to "fix" things for you afterward?

“Ahhh.” Trick tilts his head back and forth as he cuts up sourdough bread for toast. “The marketplace recently? We… were coming to get Dok and Red back cause Dok got away from the magicians and Blue was feeling well enough to travel. But Anti was wearing him because he knocked me out to try to protect me.”

Trick’s mouth thins irritably for a moment, but he’s trying to stay positive.

“But then there was some guy with Red, and apparently he got really attached to him, because he wouldn’t come with us when we said we needed to go! And Red is like, wanted for murder and a ton of other shit in Peru. And England. And kind of everywhere? So I don’t know how he was planning to stay hidden without Anti. I think he was just being emotional. But anyway I convinced Dok to come with me and Anti left Dap while he went to go get Red and convince him to stop being dumb. By the time he came back, Dap had gotten out, and that was how we ended up… yeah.”

Trick stares down at the knife in his hand like he’s acknowledging its power for a moment, his eyes afraid.

“I think after that it was just a blur of trying to deal with the fact that Dapper almost… did that. And Anti and Blue were both sick, and Dok was all shaken up, and everybody was losing it. I was just glad to get out of the fucking country at that point. Anti and I were together on the plane. But we talk a lot these days. I’ve wanted us to be able to get along for months. Some days he spoils me like he usually does Dapper and it’s wild. I’ve been good! I’m proud to get rewarded for that cause I really have worked hard for us, I think. Is that too much to say? I’m happy we’re all together again and that I finally convinced Anti I’m worth having.”

He smiles, searching the cabinets of the dead man for dishes. “He’s been helping me whenever I get freaked out. I haven’t felt depressed in ages. Having Blue possessed and Dapper suicidal, I think I would have flipped out, but Anti just makes everything… calm, inside my head. I really fucking need that. I’m scared to be alone with myself sometimes. I’ve had more than one attempt in my life, you know. Dok shouldn’t have to handle me alone, so it’s really good that Anti’s helping now too.

“But… Dok’s acting weird. Anti says he needs to correct what the magicians did to him. I hate that they changed him. I should have been there with him to watch him. Now Anti’s starting to dislike him because he won’t take those necklaces off. I don’t want him to get in trouble. Anti might give him to Dapper or Red or something instead of me.”

Trick’s face fills with distress for a second, wiping at his eyes. But - breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in -

Five seconds.

He feels okay again.

Humming distantly to himself, he picks up Dok’s plate and carries it back towards the bedroom, his eyes wide and cloudy and calm.

Anonymous asked: he can't take the necklaces off, trick. anti's just worried over it because he doesn't know what will happen, i think.

“That’s probably true,” says Trick. “Secretly I think Anti’s scared of more things than he lets on, but he’s tough for the rest of us. I don’t think he wants to see Dok hurt and we don’t know what those necklaces do. He said some weird shit when he tried to explain them to me. I’m worried he might be delusional. Dapper’s had some weird delusions, stuff like being one hundred years old, and he can get really, really stressed if you try to contradict him while he’s psychotic. So I’m just trying to meet Dok where he’s at until he kind of settles in again. I think it’ll be okay, though. I feel… fuck, I feel safe, you know? Safe mentally, safe in this house, safe with my family. Like no one’s going to hurt me, including me. And it’s been a really, really long time since I felt that way. So I’m just - I can take anything anybody throws at me right now. I’m just happy things turned out so well for us, even with some lasting problems we gotta fix. But we will fix them. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Anonymous asked: Well you're right about things going to be okay. Sooner rather than later I hope. I think it might be good for you to approach all of your brothers when you can Trick, talk with them. Not just Anti and Dok. I think opening a dialogue between the others may help clear the air a bit, yeah?

Trick deflates a little, looking back at the rest of the house as Dok sits up and tries to eat despite his nausea, not wanting Trick to feel like he’s not grateful or become more worried. Trick crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowing down into a familiar look - the same way he stares out the window when he’s keeping watch.

“It was really scary when we were up on that mountain,” he murmurs. “And I would never want Dap to get hurt or be unhappy. I love Blue, but how am I supposed to trust him after what he did? And Red, well.”

Trick closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“I don’t know. We’ve never gotten along. Probably better to just leave things as are.”

“Not sure that will be an option,” Dok tells him from the bed. “You and Ro will be spending a lot of time together whether you like it or not, seems like.”

“He can keep sleeping on the stairs,” mutters Trick, guarding the door to Dok. Red won’t hurt them anymore. You have been with Red throughout the last few weeks, but Trick has not seen him since New Year, when he was being so ferocious and bitter with them, chained by the leg to his room. He doesn’t trust his brother not to strike his head as he passes. But if Red tries now, oh - Trick will show him. Trick will show him.

Anonymous asked: Don't you think you're being a tad abrasive? You guys do a lot of improv when it comes to keeping yourselves and each other safe. It's not always as simple as just following the rules, and not everyone is on the same page on how to handle themselves.

“Red can’t slap us,” snaps Trick. “There’s a hard and fast rule. Nobody should be hitting each other around here. Nobody should be dragging us or hurting us. We don’t have to excuse that sort of behavior. Anyway, I don’t have to talk to you!”

“Since when do you dislike the cameras so much?” asks Dok.

Trick frowns, turning to him. “Dok, come on… half of them are assholes anyway.”

“We used to have fun with the cameras,” grumbles Dok, turning away from him. “These days you are always annoyed. Well, I still like the camera people, so please don’t be so mean.”

Trick is abashed beneath his twin���s disapproval, wringing his hands anxiously in the doorway. “Dok, come on,” he whines, but his brother doesn’t look back at him. Trick paces, distressed.

Anonymous asked: C'mon Trick, you can't hate Red that much. I mean, yeah did some horrible things but it was mostly all on Anti's order. And he's also been through some real tough stuff while he was away with Dapper. Cant you give him a chance, just a little bit?

“We’ve all been through tough stuff, fuck! But I never grabbed Red by the hair and made him cry or anything like that! Fuck!”

Trick kicks the door, tears welling in his eyes.

“Hey,” snaps Dok. “Just take a deep breath. You don’t have to go beg to be Red’s friend right now.”

“I don’t care about anyone but you and Anti,” repeats Trick vehemently, circling like a caged dog. “I don’t care, it’s better just to stay home in your nest, don’t gotta go out and meet anybody. Don’t have to worry about how nobody likes me if you and Anti like me, don’t have to. Don’t have to let anybody hurt you again!”

“Why don’t you feed Noodle?” suggests Dok. “He’s probably hungry.”

Honestly, he’s not so perturbed by his brother’s anger. Trick was at the bottom of the hierarchy for a long time and his hatred for Red was simmering the whole time, not just because of the hitting, but because of the favoritism. This isn’t the first time Trick’s vented to him about it. Dok’s just glad Trick hasn’t been retaliatory yet - but he fears Trick’s lingering fear of his big brother is the only thing stopping him from putting Red in his place the same way Anti always put Trick and Dok in their places at their oldest brother’s feet.

And hey, Dok has his own grudges with Red, but at least he has some perspective on the situation. He knows Red’s been trying to survive just like the rest of them. He’s kept food in their stomachs too, sometimes at the cost of his own dinner. He can forgive him if he’s trying to be better to them.

Anonymous asked: It's fair to hate him after what he's done, even if it was under Anti's orders. But he's gotten back to himself a bit, the person he was before Anti. The Red he is right now is kinder than the one you remember, Trick.

Trick rubs at his eyes unhappily and shrugs, trying to stop himself from really crying. He’s embarrassed. Red still scares him no matter how mopey and sad and hollow he seems these days. He just wants to go away with Dok and Anti and maybe Dapper, and, well, Blue could come too… but he’d be sad without Red…

Trick lets out a short, unhappy sigh, sitting down beside Dok, who rubs his back almost instinctively, recalling to them both long nights on the watch at the window with only Dok’s hands to keep Trick’s muscles from straining.

“Red is your family,” says Dok. “I think really we all love each other, it’s just not that easy. Try not to be so angry with him. He’s really unhappy, you know.”

“Yeah,” says Trick. “All he did all of last night was sit in that library and look out at the sun as it went down.”

“Red has always kept us as full and as safe as he could,” says Dok, handing his brother a half of his toast. Trick nibbles unenthusiastically on the bread, leaning against Dok. “Do the same for him if Anti gives you a choice. Yes? For me? For Blue?”

“I’m not going to hurt Red,” mumbles Trick. “I’m just man-scaping.”

Dok snorts hard and Trick laughs wearily at his own joke, pulling Noodle onto his lap to pet his golden cat’s warm head.

Anonymous asked: Why do you trust Anti over Dok all of a sudden? You've been with Dok through years of torture and pain and heartache at the hands of Anti, you've been forcibly removed from him, you've been forced to run a 40 minutes walk and break into a store as punishment for not doing something you weren't even told to do while Anti threatened to torture Dok. Look at the burn scar on your hand. Remember that? And you say Anti would never hurt you two? BS.

“Break into a store as punishment?”

Trick stares at you, blinking. “I don’t think we’ve… no, or… that was for… medicine?”

He stops short, furrowing his brows at the floor. “Torture Dok. And the burn scar on my - ”

He opens his palm and falls silent.

The welded spiderweb of his hand stares back at him in pink and white, glistening under the lights. His stomach flips; he stares. He remembers the warmth of Dok’s body beside him growing colder, colder.

“I’ll make you a fire.”

“Anti said to stay hidden.”

“I’ll make you a fire.”

He curls his fingers into a fist.

Anti did do this to him. For making a fire for Dok.

Anti did this to him because he was angry, and he was violent, and he decided he wanted to hurt Trick, and that was the only reason.

“Shit, shit,” whispers Trick, clutching his hand to his chest. “Oh, no. No, no.”

“Trick?” Dok gets up on his unsteady feet, tottering over to his brother to hold him. “Hey, hey, I’m here. What’s - ”

“Anti hurt me, he hurt me,” whimpers Trick, eyes wide, his green hair falling into his eyes. “He still hurts me, he slapped me, he slapped me for kissing a girl and I fell and hit my head.”

“Trick, hey, look at me.”

“He used to lock us in that room with the blood on the walls,” sobs Trick, reaching out for his brother’s shirt, and Dok draws him in, clutching tightly to his elbows. “Because I would tell him he couldn’t make you torture anybody else, that he was making you lose your mind, and you would be in that dead-space for hours, just staring at the wall, whispering about surgeries and tumors beneath your skin.”

“Trick!” cries Dok, shaking him. “You’re making yourself upset, stop! You don’t have to think about it right now, okay? You don’t have to - ”

“Think about what?” Trick blinks, looking up again. “What… were we talking about?”

Dok stares at him, his head drawing slightly back in confusion. “Um. How we used to get locked in the bloody room after my… surgeries.”

Trick watches him, frowning.

“Trick?”

“What bloody room?”

“With the chairs, like, the rocking chairs? Do you remember? In a house he stole from someone. There were pictures of their kids on the walls.”

“What are you talking about?” laughs Trick, confused, touching his cheek. “Hey, whoa… who did that to you?”

He points at the bruise on Dok’s head. Dok’s whole face is drawn back with fear, staring at his brother’s blank eyes.

“Dok, tell me,” murmurs Trick, alarmed. “Who did that to you?”

“What if I said it was Anti?”

“It wasn’t Anti,” whispers Trick, touching his own head like it aches and letting his eyes slide shut. “He doesn’t hurt us.”

Dok has gone very still.

“Have the rest of my eggs, please,” he says, pushing Trick gently towards the bed. “Before Noodle eats them. I’m not that hungry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Promise,” answers Dok. “I’ll be right back. I need to handle something.”

Trick drifts towards the bed, looking sleepy.

“What is he doing to you, what is he doing,” you hear Dok whispering as he moves, over and over and over again. “What has he done in your head, what is he making you think, what is he doing to you, my heart, my heart.”

He is still whispering it when he steps into the kitchen and picks up the knife Trick used to cut fruit for his breakfast - a big, stern, silver cutting knife.

“He’s not going to be able to think like himself til he’s dead,” hisses Dok, unsteady on his feet, his mouth trembling with terrified worry. “He’s stuck in his own head. What is he doing to you, what has he done…”

nikkilbook asked: ....Doc. I’m gonna need you to clarify which “him” is which. And then I’m gonna need you to take like twelve deep breaths and find your whole chill.

Dok is breathing hard and miserably, his eyes beginning to get red again. He tries to breathe deep and sobs instead, pulling his hand through his hair.

“I want Anti to stop hurting him,” he says, his whole face scrunched up like a child’s as they try not to cry. “I want to take him somewhere safe and not have to keep watching this happen.”

Anonymous asked: Hen, what are you doing, love? Do you have a plan for this? You need to make a plan before you do something like this, just in case it backfires.

“I don’t want to make a plan, I can’t think, I just want, want… I want…”

He tries to take a step forward and stumbles, losing his balance and crashing to the floor with a yelp. The knife scatters away from his grip and he yelps as he lands hard on his wrist, curling up on himself.

Footsteps come rattling towards him, heavy and thunderous, and he recognizes them for who they belong to before Red is even barking his name and kneeling down beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Dok! What happened? Did you trip? Hey, did you know you have a bump on your head?”

Anonymous asked: Whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing? You're gonna go kill Anti? With a knife that'll probably be knocked out of your grasp effortlessly and then dug into you?? Dok, be smart about this. You're in no shape to be rebellious right now

“Hey!” cries Red, alarmed. “Fuck, don’t say those things, you’re going to get him in so much fucking trouble. Dok, tell me right now you weren’t going to hurt Anti.”

“Maybe I was,” cries Dok. “What then?”

Red grabs his chin, pulling him up to sitting despite a low yelp of protest.

“Dok,” he says, leaning in close. “It’s really important that I hear you say right now that you weren’t planning to go hurt Anti.”

Dok stares at him, eyes watering.

“I’m sick of living like this,” he says.

“Take that back,” says Red, low and dangerous. “Right now, before Anti punishes you for it. Right now, Dok.”

pine-storm-season asked: Deep breaths, buddy. I know, you want something to change. But we can't do anything just now, and so you have to wait, okay? Things will get better than they are now, I promise.

Dok works on deep breaths, miserable in Red’s hands. It’s the thought of this - Red’s hands, the realization that Red is so sincere about what he’s saying that he’s willing to touch Dok’s skin with his own despite his hatred for the sensation - that gives Dok a breath of clarity. He tries to calm down again, pawing at Red’s hand on his chin.

Dok whimpers, clutching at Red’s hand on his chin. “You’re holding me too tight.”

Red’s expression changes, a flash of alarm cutting through him. He drops Dok immediately. “Shit. I’m sorry, Dok.”

Dok wipes at his eyes, sniffling. “Can you help me walk to Blue?”

“I need to hear you say that you weren’t planning to hurt Anti,” murmurs Red.

Dok stares up at him, finding himself in a sudden, concussed sort of wonder for him. Red’s long been Anti’s, but he’s always been like this too - protecting them. If you’re going to say bad things about Anti, say them where his cameras don’t hear. If you’re going to break Anti’s rules, do it where the cameras aren’t looking. If you’re going to entertain faint dreams of rebellion, keep them in your sleep where they belong.

Trick pretends Anti doesn’t hurt them. Dapper drifts into fantasies. Dok used to hope that one day Anti would be better to all of them. Red has never done any of that. Red minimizes pain wherever he can and takes whatever comes their way, and he keeps living. Most of the year he’s been with Anti, he’s done it without even a twin.

“How have you been doing this, Red?” sighs Dok. “Aren’t you just hopeless?”

“I got things that keep me going,” says Red, but there’s a grief in his face that wasn’t there before Peru. “Long as you’re all alive, that’s all that matters.”

“No,” croaks Dok. “Don’t you see? That isn’t all that matters.”

Red doesn’t answer. He sits looking at Dok, ready to catch him if he falls again.

“I wasn’t planning to hurt Anti,” lies Dok.

Red nods. Deniability - even a shred - is the most important thing. It means that if Anti reacts, Red can defend him. He was concussed, anyway. He wasn’t thinking clearly, Anti! He can already plan the conversation he’ll have if Anti comes down the stairs to hurt him.

nikkilbook asked: Red, keep Dok away from sharp knives for the immediate future, cuz I still can tell if he was planning to murderize Anti or mercy-kill Trick.

“Yes, I’m going to pick this up and put it in the sink,” says Red tentatively, stepping away from Dok to get the knife and move it. “Might be better just to get rid of all the knives in the house, honestly, or at least lock them up somewhere. I got too many brothers with some dangerous habits. Did you think there was something beneath your skin again, Dok?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“Okay.”

Anonymous asked: Dok, I don't think trick is too far gone for us to snap him back to reality like that with just a memory. The downside here is that the snapback is basically a factory-reset. I think we need to relieve the pressure on his mind over time so he doesn't have a full mental collapse. It's not just his memories being repressed but the emotions too. Maybe a breakdown is inevitable, but we have to coax him through it not just shut it down or he'll just snap back into Anti's blissful ignorance again.

“Hey, what happened?” asks Blue softly, limping into the room. It took him a couple minutes to follow after Red. “Why are you sad?”

“We’re okay,” says Red. “Not a safe thing to talk about.”

Dok doesn’t even look up at Blue, fixated miserably on the floor.

“There are many things not safe to talk about,” answers Blue cagily, turning his gaze towards you just for a moment before looking away again. “Wise though they may be.”

“I want Trick to be Trick again,” mumbles Dok. “That’s all.”

“Get off the floor,” Blue prompts him gently. “Let’s go hang out on the couch and see if the cable still works.”

“I need to keep him thinking,” says Dok, trying to mull over your words in his spinning heads. “Remind him who he is little by little.”

“Shh, Dok,” pleads Blue, Red watching uncertainly from the kitchen.

Anonymous asked: Are you doing okay, Dok? Well... considering everything probably not but uh... how's the head?

“I’ll get an icepack,” offers Red, turning towards the freezer. “If I can find one.”

Blue sits Dok down on the couch, kneeling down in front of him to look up.

“You’re concussed,” he whispers. “You didn’t have a real plan or anything, just anger and fear. If you let your emotions drive you Anti will destroy you every time, Dok. You have to be patient. I know it’s impossible, but you have to do it.”

But Dok -

Henrik.

Henrik is shaking his head slowly, biting down hard on his lip. Blood trickles from between his teeth in reply.

“I will not be passive again,” he says. “I will never be passive again. I refuse. Besides, we don’t have much time. We will lose our fight if we don’t act on it. Or worse - we could lose our brothers. Blue.”

He leans in close, pushing you slightly away. When he speaks, you catch only the barest whisper, pressed into Blue’s ear.

“No long waits. Today, we begin planning. Let us make this chapter of our lives short and scarlet.”

Blue looks at Dok, and then to Red, turned towards the kitchen. From here, Blue can hear him humming dreamily - love songs for his fiance. Love songs for his broken heart.

Blue’s own reflection looks back at him from Dok’s eyes, and he sees Anti.

He will destroy every trace of him if that’s what it takes to keep the others safe. If that’s what it takes to give them a chance at happiness. If that’s what it takes to see his own eyes in the mirror again. He doesn’t need magic. He has Henrik, and Henrik has him.

Blue nods once. Dok touches his hand.

In the silence between them, a revolt.

[lilolilyr]

Fics I Wanted To Write This Year But Didn't, Part 2: Star Trek AU

For @spookyvoidangelskeleton for this ask

Now I suppose these would have been several fics, but in a series or a collection as they're all about the same main storyline: The collapsing of a (or several) universe(s).

If you've known me for a while, you know that I am very into Multiverse Theory, both real life and fictional, and Star Trek with the Mirror Universe is of course one of the first fandoms that comes to mind for me to write my batshit ideas in xD

Basically, in my personal little (fictional, bc I know and understand 0 about real life physics or whatever would be relevant for this) multiverse theory, there are an infinite number of universes, evenly spread around the multiverse, and a new universe comes into existence when a timeline/universe (same thing) can go into 2 seperate ways naturally, or when there is timetravel involved to manually change a timeline: The original timeline won't be affected, you can't change what's already there, but a new changed timeline will be created.

Now, in some cases that works out well, with the timetraveller ending up in the new timeline and never knowing that their original universe is still out there- in other ways of time travelling, not so much. If the person trying to make a change manages to do just that but never notices, because they or a version of them is stuck in the orginal timeline, what do they do?

Try again, with the same result, many many times.

And that's where it gets problematic, because the multiverse gets unbalanced, and whether you see it as a sentient entity connected to the Qs in Star Trek or just as something that Works That Way automatically: the multiverse doesn't want to be out of balance, so the new universes start to collapse in on each other, creating a Splitter-verse and leaving its inhabitants to a fate arguably worse than death (in this fictional world): they completely stop to exist. This doesn't just affect the new universes but the surroundings ones, which would have split earlier and are already more different from each other, too, to make sure the one that was the cause for it all falls, too.

Now (of course, because I can't help myself) this would be part of @thelucyverse , with there being Central people trained in spotting such time anomalies before it is too late, but with there also being time-bombs (yeah hahah) created in inter-universal wars to create smaller, controlled splitter-verses (I say small and controlled here but like. We're still talking about entire universes), and with Central having back-up plans to get people out of the 'verses, in order as follows: anyone visibly IDing as Central (the organisation is still largely volunteer-based, shit's got to have some perks), then everyone whose energy indicates recent travel in-between universes, as these are also most likely to a) be Central and b) be okay in a new 'verse, after that, if there is still time and anyone willing to go back into the falling universe, children as they are also more likely to adapt in a new world. If there is enough warning, they also get out whoever people Central members want to have saved, but usually it just turns into whoever stands close enough to grab and get the hell out of there.

Whether taking people out of a universe against their will is a good thing or nah is ...debatable and still being debated amongst those who do it and those who think that taking someone away from the possibility of dying death in their own universe is vile (as amongst most religions, it is thought that you can only reach the same afterlife as those who died in the same umiverse- but again most also think that there probably won't even Be an afterlife in a splitter-verse).

Sometimes, people are also pushed out of the universe by the explosion itself, but they then tend to die upon impact as they seldomly end up exactly at the coordinates where they left, which leaves them either suffocating in hard matter or in space.

If you want to use these ideas for your own fanfic feel free, just give me credit and link this post as inspired by/ link to my ao3 or @ my tumblr!

Anyhow! To Star Trek... and I suppose this is now SPOILERS not rly for any Star Trek canon but for these fanfics, if I do end up writing them!

I tend to forget which characters are canon and which are complete OCs because I spend Way more hours on tumblr and ao3 + thinking about my own headcanons than I spend consuming the original media, but I am fairly certain a canon Joana McCoy, daughter of Leonard 'Bones' McCoy exists? If no and I stole the idea from sb else's fanfic I am sincerely sorry. Gotta look that up.

In one universe close to what would be the centre of the splitterverse, Joana- as a young child nicknamed 'Jojo', but now as a young teen trying to get rid of the childish nickname- has a younger part-vulcan girl as a friend, and this girl, nicknamed Aka, has, through having sticky fingers and connections to Central, a device that allows you to jump between universes. She's used it before and gotten into a lot of trouble for it, but to her it had always been great fun- until reality is starting to collapse around them while she is visiting Joana, and Joana is the only person she can reach in time and take with her to the next universe.

Distraught, the children are left in a new world, debating what to do, waiting for Central to contact them, hoping that they saved their families- but of course, Central has quite some different problems right now and won't contact them any time soon, and even if they did it wouldn't be with news of their parents: the adult families of non-Central members who only happened to have jumped between universes before themselves are really not the top priority, and the universe is collapsing too quickly to even get down the prio list to 'children',

Aka wants to leave the universe again and look for Central elsewhere, hoping that her moving around will attract their attention. Joana has enough from universe jumps for a lifetime. Thus, they part ways.

While Aka at some point does run into a group of Central troubeshooters who more or less adopt her as one of their own and teach her how to work their equipment and use magic and weapons and starships (not what a child her age should be learning. But then, none of the adults there ever signed up to be a parent, so who's to blame them), Joana goes looking for her family in this world.

Now I could write entire novels about Akas adventures and how it may or may not be healthy to not have a home at all and decide to not rely on anybody instead of either finding new versions of her original parents or letting someone new into her life properly (spoileralert: it isn't healthy at all), and how meeting a girl from one of the original splitter-verses (the not bombed ones) telling her not to make the same mistakes she made finally makes her think about her choices and and and, but this post is already going to be Long so I won't. That would all be a seperate fanfic anyways.

Joana finds a girl her age who looks just like her and acts almost exactly like her, too- the only difference seems to be that there's no Aka around, which made this version of her less used to adventure but also less wary of it.

The version of Joana from this universe- she decides to call herself Joan when they are alone, while the Joana we already know goes with 'Jojo'- her once loathed childhood nickname now a connection to her past- is thrilled to meet her and begs her to stay, I mean what is cooler than suddenly having a twin, and won't it be fun there is so much they can do! As their parents are seperated, they manage to spend their time mostly at one of their homes, either together when the parent is too busy to notice that there are two kids around, or one at each place, guessing correctly that if the parents were to talk about it, they wouldn't even think of the possibility of there being two children and instead just get mad at each other.

This goes on for a few months during the summer, with Jojo feeling vaguely guilty both to her original dead parents and these new ones who think that she is their real daughter, and the girls are just deciding about what to do when school starts again when-

Reality breaks apart around them.

Jojo clings to Joan in fear, and- as Jojo is now on the list of people who have travelled between universes in the past, she is saved by Central, and Joan with her. They are placed into a universe further away this time, a safe distance to the only slowly contained Splitters.

Meanwhile, in the same universe, two people were currently out on a space-walk: Michael Burnham and Philippa Georgiou.

They are thrown out of the universe in the explosion, and as they are wearing their suits, they survive as they end up somewhere in space again, but- they don't end up in the same universe. Michael ends up about 20-30 years earlier in a universe further away, and she doesn't even end up in what would've been federation space in her old 'verse. Philippa is only thrown one universe to the left and picked up by Central. As Central likes to name their acquaintances in some way that makes it easier to identify just which version of a person you are talking to without having to add the long universe number (even harder when the universe was destroyed and there isn't a known number), they ask Philippa to pick a new name. She is way too rattled and desperate to go looking for Michael as quickly as possible to care about what name she is supposed to have, so she goes with the first option given to those who don't have their own nickname ideas: lastname for firstname, making her Georgiana, short Gia.

Through Central, she finds out that the universal explosion left her and Michael connected- but it won't be much help in the search, basically just a way to say 'alright this verse is closer to it than that one', it's still trial and error... (I could also involve some body switching here, idk I already wrote a long fanfic with that trope in the Andromaquynh fandom, but I happen to Like that trope so yeah maybe I'll recycle some parts of In Your Stead if I ever do manage to write this Milippa story. Which, btw, if not already obvious, would again be a seperate fic from the Joana universal-sister story. On the other hand, Aka runs into Georgiana a lot, even calling her 'auntie Gia').

Meanwhile, Michael doesn't have to jump through universes but make her way through just the one universe to get to federarion space. Except what she find's isn't the federation at all... you guessed it, the 'verse she ended up in is more similar to a mirrorverse than to Prime. However, the Georgiou of this world isn't the emperor yet, she's young and Michael is able to influence her enough over the years so that she turns her back to the Empire.

Yes, it takes years for Michael and Gia to find their way back to each other, maybe decades... they also wouldn't have spent exactly the same amount of time apart as they aren't in the same 'verse. In fact, Cleo of Central carefully tells Gia that Michael might have died by now, but of course Georgiana doesn't want to hear this.

Michael and that universe's Georgiou also get quite close, though Michael doesn't want to cheat on her Philippa... of course, after years of this, she might think that she will never see Philippa again... (We are approaching ot3 territory here lol, and I don't even want to think about the potential of ot7 with the two canon mirror and prime versions adsfghjkl because if I finish this story here, I would 100% write a lil fix it where Central! Gia Mikay and Phil go fish Mirror! Michael and Georgiou out of a splitter-verse into the next prime verse in which Michael already knows that Georgiou... and ad they're already at it they also get half dead! Prime Philippa away from the Klingons... heheh sounds like the kind of poly chaos I would enjoy writing, but sadly I have to make it through all the Plot first)

Anyway! Back to Jojo and Joan: they decide that while they maybe should have told Joan's family about Jojo's existence soon if they had stayed in that 'verse, the initial idea of staying with one's universals wasn't so bad, so they go looking for this universe's Joana McCoy. The girl- (nicknamed Anna, which makes Joan decide to change hers from Joan to June because she doesn't want to be half Jojo and half Anna), is happy enough to meet them, but often feels left out from the other two as they act as if they've known each other forever even though of course it's only been a few months... In turn, Jojo and June aren't sure whether Anna really wants them around, whether she might think they're trying to steal her life and family from her...

Lots of potential for conflict! Yay! XD would of course come to a happy ending, with at least Bones accepting his three daughters, dunno yet whether they'd tell the mom... also Aka ends up in the same universe at some point, together with a version of her vulcan birthmother who she had never known the original version of but now gets along with alright... oh and if I do write aforementioned Milippa ot7 bullshitery, this would also be the Prime!verse for that, so all stories in the series or collection interconnect again!

this got... long... and I could obviously go on but I need to go back to writing my Bachelor thesis :(

@whoever read through all of this, do let me know whether you like these ideas and which you would like to read proper fanfic for! Might influence future writing decisions.

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

[seungwoork]

¨    PLOT CALL ’

hello there again!! now that i can officially reveal myself i decided to post my plotcall-- it’s lari who also plays @rkbyunbaek​ and @rkjennie​ 😊 for plotting and talking you can find me @snailqueens on twitter, feel free to follow!! otherwise here is my plot page for everyone who wants to check it out. finally!!!! wooo!!!!

i’d like to get a few connections going to seungwoo to give him a good start here despite it being a slow one ksjdf so here are the options for everyone who’s up for it,

like this post for a charisma starter! please only like it if you’re interested in making a thread out of it, i’m not doing this just for points. i'd like to get connections and relationships through this.

send me an im if you’re interested in a plot i put under the cut! there are a few plot ideas under the cut with some thread and relationships ideas that i’d like to do. some plots might be similar or even copied from my plot page for those who only check this out ( because they’re some i’d rly like to be filled and / or might move them to the page later if they don’t get filled and i want to keep them jksd )

RELATIONSHIPS,

¨ something good ’       ◞ ( m / f , ) CLOSED

family. any kind of family, actually. you’re cousins but are you close? have you hardly met or do you meet all the time? as much as possible? how is your bond, able to talk about things? not getting along at all? in the end, though, you’re still family.

¨ milk & honey ’       ◞ ( m / f , ) open

you’re seungwoo’s best friend. you’ve been for ages, the apple to his pie. the straw to his berry, the smoke to his high and the one he wants to marry who know the song anyways. you’re best friends, nothing can tear you apart. you can handle seungwoo’s stupid competitions because you’re more easy-going, less uptight, share his pain with him and he can deal with everything you have on your plate -- you’re always there for each other. it just works.

¨ physical ’       ◞ ( m / f , ) open

usually, you never go the gym. you might even hate it there but lately you’ve been going to check out seungwoo while he’s there like a creep boooo with the excuse of being envious of that body rather than any other reason!!! you just want to see what he does to be this fit!! seungwoo notices and asks you if you want to work out together or need any help. like a fool, you say yes but have no idea how to the equipment works. well, this is going to be embarrassing and that’s the last thing you want to happen, looking like an idiot in front of that guy.

¨ second chance ’       ◞ ( m / f , ) open 

you used to be friends a long time ago but drifted apart during seungwoo’s service, the friendship ending with a fight after his return and change in attitude. you couldn’t deal with this.. new seungwoo that seemed so different from the friend you used to know. it’s been a while and you feel shitty for giving up on seungwoo and your friendship so easily, so you reach out to him in hopes of a chance to talk this out.

¨ ultralife ’        ◞ ( m / f ; ━━━ m prefered ) open

best friends and partners in crime. literally. you both got into a lot of trouble in high school for shoplifting but still kept each other going with dares and bets and all of that. after graduation and seungwoo’s depature to the military you both fell out of touch but recently met ech other again. did you change your ways too or will you be the bad influence in seungwoo’s life that he isn’t looking for?

¨ clementine ’       ◞ ( m / f , ) open

the first time meet seungwoo does the most logical thing, he flits with you. and now you keep meeting at the most random places -- you meet so many times that it doesn’t seem like a coincidence anymore but it is. and every time you spot each other in a crowded coffee shop or in a clothes store, at the magazine rack of a bookstore and in the back of the convenience store, seungwoo does the most logical thing, he flirts with you.

¨ going under ’       ◞ ( m / f , ━━━ has to be a trainee ) open

actually, you’re good friends. you used to be pretty close before you got signed into a company and became a trainee. seungwoo’s proud of you but envious as well, competitive as always, because you managed to accomplish something like that before him. it’s one of the reasons why he meets up with you less, cancels more often on you when you finally have some time to hang out and when you get to be with each other, things tend to get awkward sometimes.

¨ home ’        ◞ ( m / f , ) open

seungwoo’s father started dating your mom a while ago and it’s weird in every sense. while seungwoo is bitter about this for a lot of reasons ( like his father neglecting him paying attention to a woman to him even dating another woman in the first place when he was so sad about his mother’s death ) it’s a difficult situation for you for your own reasons. it’s debatable if you two get along but there’s a chance you’ll become step siblings in the future so you have to beat with each other.

PROMPTS,

we sat next to each other at the movies and you got scared during it. now you’re clinging to me because you’re too terrified to go home alone.

the only reason you visit me at home is to spend time with my cats, right?

we’re sitting next to each other on the train and i’m definitely not leaning into your personal space to peek at your phone because i thought you were sending sketchy texts!

this cat strolling around the neighbourhood hates like everyone except you apparently. i always see it nuzzling against your leg and you petting it and i’m jealous. tell me your secrets!

the walking dead binge watching! think you can make it?

you’re on your fifth cup of coffee and your hands are shaking pretty badly. i can’t take this anymore, what the hell is going on?

i can cook but you can’t, so it’s me who constantly has to feed you and make sure you own’t starve to death or drown in junk food.

we’re always fighting over the movie at movie nights. also, the popcorn.

this lesson of me learning you how to ride a skateboard is turning into a nightmare. i didn’t think you would have such a hard time staying on that board.

your attempt at flirting with me with the line ‘do you come here often’ is crushed when i tell you that i work here. uhhh, awkward.

you’re crying on a bench at the park and i’m too kind to just walk past your heartbreaking sobs. do you need a tissue?

looks like you’re in trouble, i can pretend to be your charming date.

[boorishbint]

(1of4) Ok serious question, r u inside my fucking head? R u? Cuz I just read Darling Oh (legit first thing in the morning, havent even brushed my heckin teeth), &! Oh my dear god its beautiful. Saucy & sad indeed! Literally so much of it is all my favorite things with these 2 & Im just! Oh god. Oh fuck. Like lemme just freak out at u here for a wee bit. I mean! Snufkin being all prim & pouty & in a huff, gold, as always. Ur absolutely incredible turns of phrase (caught like a hook, holy /shit/).

(2of4) Moomin doing better swimming in the cold! I srsly love all the 'Moomins r good swimmers' ideas, its just! Chefs kiss. The 'Better go & drown myself' reference, for that matter! I stg I make that in my own (as of yet unpublished) writing every time Moomin is in distress lol. Moomin fretting over Snuf's /heart/! Snufkin 'holding the thought on it back', jfc. Moomin worrying over him, being so little, & Snufkin thinking he would believe anything Moomin told him, ugh, fuck! Im not kidding, 

(3of4) Ive used that exact phrasing a million times before, how r u doing this? How r u writing everything my heart wants? & then that sharp turn into angst! Fuck! Snufkin being insecure & kind of shit with the self worth & he just wants to be wanted & loved &! Hes fragile & he needs gentle &! Having a hard time of asking for things! Hes a /baby/! Hes all little & frightened & he just needs to be looked after & cuddled & fuck! & he wants! To be! Squished! Big mood there. Moomins belly pressing

(4of4) his legs open, holy fuck, I cannot. It is too much. I am a simple wee thing & I have a size kink, dont come for me like this, oh gosh. 'Knees spread & mouth open' Excuse me, miss! & hes always honest, oh, bless u, giving my lil autistic self everything I want. Ive got so much more to say tbh but this is so long already. Im clinging to the not angsty bits cuz I rly shouldnt b reading angst at all with my health but! It was so good! I stg, once I get an AO3 its over for u hoes. - Irish Anon

Aww, Anon, thank you!! ♡ I am so incredibly pleased you enjoyed the story so much. I am also big into the belief of Moomins being excellent swimmers; big, fluffy creatures who 100% float when pushed despite all evidence to the contrary. Also very into Snufkin being squished, too. I’m really just so happy you liked it, and I’m extremely flattered!! Thank you so very, very much for this lovely message! You are always so kind to me x

[seraphcna-blog]

hi  <3  i’m  diana,  i’m  nineteen   (   twenty  in  a  week......no  one  talk  2  me   ),   i  use  she/her  pronouns  n  reside  in  the  est  time  zone   !!    quick  facts  abt  me...i’m  a  libra   (   so  yes,  i’m  a  little  dumb   ),   i  am  a  lana  del  rey  and  girl  group  stan  FIRST  and  human  second....and  that  is  all   !!    now  onto  seraphina,  u  can  read  abt  this  baby  below  the  cut.  also  u  should  plot  with  me  because  u  make  me  ~  𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍   ~

(   NEPTUNE, JANG YEEUN, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER   ) guess what, SERAPHINA WANG has just landed in cannes with their private jet. they are a TWENTY year old socialite, who spends much of their time & money DAY-DREAMING. i think their family is in the BEAUTY INDUSTRY and their net worth is around 2 BILLION USD.    

(    𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫.   )

seraphina was born on the 4th of march, 1999. she was born in paris, france because her parents were in town for fashion week. creating and leading one of the biggest beauty companies in the world, her mother was expected to attend

her father protested, due to how close she was to her due date, but despite her pregnancy, her mother never really stopped working and continued to work even after seraphina was born

the story behind her parents marriage was not especially romantic. her mother came from old money, and her father was a soccer player, also heir to his parents fortune. it was a match made in heaven--or hell, depending on who you ask

they were quick to marry, but her father actually fell madly in love. her mother enjoyed his devotion, but when it came down to it, she was married to her career and all she really strove for was success

they were married for around 8 long years when her mother got pregnant. of course, it wasn’t planned in the slightest, and she wasn’t too thrilled but her parent’s (sera’s granparent’s) had been pushing for grandchildren for years

her father was happy. he thought a child was the perfect way to get her mother to step down from work for a bit and for them to actually be a happy family

unfortunately for seraphina and her father, that was never the case. her mother put her career before anyone else. she never wanted to get married or have kids in the first place

so, when seraphina was born, she was handed off to a nanny and her mother went straight to work

her father attempted to be there at the start, and he was for a few years, but it became increasingly difficult to be around seraphina who resembled her mother so much. he felt it was a constant reminder of his failed marriage and miserable life

seraphina was left to the nannies again. luckily for her, she was raised by two wonderful women who loved her dearly. they taught her the importance of kindness and let her know it was okay to be sensitive. admittedly, they coddled her a bit too much and it would make her vulnerable in the future

she grew up with both her parental figures mostly absent. her father popped in once in a while, but he had succumbed to alcoholism and was too busy wrapped up in a string of affairs to really care. 

her mother was away on business most of the time, but there were some nights when she’d return from a business trip and pay her daughter a visit. she would tell her stories about her travels, tales of extravagant parties and experimental fashion. seraphina ate it up. she craved for her mother’s attention desperately, so when she received it, she dreamed of the stories she told her for months until she’d see her again and hear new stories

despite her situation, she didn’t feel any resentment toward her parents. in fact, she wanted their love and validation more than anything. but she figured as long as they were happy doing whatever they were doing, she shouldn’t be so selfish in wanting them to spend time with her. besides, all the kids like her experienced the same thing. neglect was just part of the package

she spent all of her free time with her head in a novel or watching obscure cinema. she enjoyed getting lost in the stories, pretending she was part of them. she also became increasingly fascinated with the idea of love, especially as she grew older, though she had no idea what it was supposed to look like. her only examples were the things she saw in movies or read in her favorite books

when it came to schooling, seraphina switched around a lot between new york city, australia and france. it made it difficult to make long term friends, but she liked not being in one place for too long

she had boyfriends and girlfriends here and there, but nothing truly stuck. it was easy for her to fall for someone, but once they got together, she realized maybe she didn’t actually like them all that much

still, she believed in love as strongly as ever and believes one day she’ll find it, the real kind

it was always easy for seraphina to make friends. she was kind to everyone, but being a wang came with certain perks. no one would dare say a bad word about her. how could they?

all she wanted in a friend was someone that was willing to try new things with her. she was a good girl, but she would do or try almost anything for the experience

only in recent years has seraphina started to realized the way the world truly works. after years of hiding it, she found out her father had another child. it wasn’t intentional, but it happened with some woman he had an affair with

the worst part was, he was actually there for that child. it wasn’t hard for him to lead a secret life with another family while seraphina was away at school and her mother off on business

this discovery broke her heart. for the first time in her life, she understood what it was like to have your heart broken. she’s done her best to pick up the pieces and move forward, but it isn’t as simple as she hoped it’d be

she tries to maintain her optimistic outlook, but she finds that some of her beliefs are changing

(    𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀.   )

seraphina is a dreamer at heart. you can always find her lost in one of her daydreams. her attention span can be pretty short, only because her mind is constantly lingering on some fantasy

she is a very friendly, a softie u could say. she tries to be friends with everyone, partially because she is a bit of a people pleaser, but obviously not everyone will like u and she has trouble accepting this.

she also tends to be a bit of an optimist, so it’s easy for her to be manipulated or like taken advantage of. she’s a glass half full kind of girl

she is a pisces sun libra moon, so yes, a softie. falls in and out of “love” very quickly but it isn’t actually love most of the time.

she can be pretty naive at times because she was never rly exposed to anything that CRAZY and even when she is she’s just akdjhsjkhd dumb idk so she’s like :O most of the time when anything happens

ok she loves to have fun and make memories and live life. she refuses to waste any of her precious time being bored so she’s always off doing something to keep herself entertained

she loves to try new things and will try ANYTHING once

with her mom being such a prominent leader of the beauty industry, seraphina grew to love all things related to fashion and makeup. she uses both as the ultimate form of self expression and can often be seen in some weird looks (euphoria makeup lolzzz). she doesn’t really have a set aesthetic fashion wise because she dresses however she’s feeling in the moment and her interests are often changing, but her fav color is blue so you’ll catch her in blue a whole lot

she clings desperately to her fantasies despite how easily they can be torn down. she tries to remain in her little bubble and dream world because things are better there, or are they rly? lowkey she’s just running from her true feelings which she’s kinda bottled for years n years whew,,,,

she is a social butterfly she loves to be around people but can get bored easily so she likes when ppl keep things spicy

she is bi bi bi babey !

(    𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺.   )

adventure buddy - someone who is down to do some fun shit with her !!! someone who explores with her and tries new things with her 

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b a few of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms still have lingering feels or sexual tension or something of the sort but we can plot out the details however

unrequited crush -  maybe seraphina has a crush on ur muse. she is constantly falling for people so it would not be unlikely !! OR ur muse could have a crush on her and she’s oblivious to it 

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out not getting along, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways ! pls i want this it’s so sexy and she doesn’t dislike/not get along w that many people i’d say so it will be so interesting

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs. being an only child (minus her new sibling that she does not even know) and not really close to her parents, she would love a friend that she could basically call family !

dynamic duo - basically like her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - someone who kind of looks after her ?? maybe when she parties a lil too hard and drinks a lil too much, someone who kind of takes care of her n makes sure shes ok ! they would be someone she trusts a lottttt and also seraphina is a lightweight so like,, sis needs the help

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to seraphina that most ppl dont see

bad influence - seraphina is a mostly good girl, so i’d luvvvvv for a bad influence plot !! she drinks and does drugs here n there but other than that she’s pretty much a good girl so someone fuck her up and change that pls

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll prob make a plots page later on and add more stuff !

[ursoself-satisfying]

do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?

Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!

Omg eugene my bby

I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go

Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe

But first,, the boat

On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept

U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels

He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms

His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly

He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))

But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol

The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips

It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))

U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience

Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))

He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))

He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience

So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))

Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise

[marvmacdonald]

“she's fucking impetuous and daring, a little too bold and way too fucking fearless.”

MARY MACDONALD is 21 years old and works as an JUNIOR AUROR and is loyal to THE OOTP they were an GRYFFINDOR and are a MUGGLEBORN. SHE look like CHRISTIAN SERRATOS. 

CHARACTER PARALLELS: jessica jones ( jessica jones ), leia organa ( star wars ), arya stark ( asoiaf ), johanna mason ( the hunger games ), nancy wheeler ( stranger things ), rosa diaz ( b99 ), ellie ( the last of us ), raven reyes ( the 100 ), kat edison ( the bold type ), nina zenik ( six of crows ) AESTHETIC: red lipstick stains on drained cups of tea, leather jackets, cigarette bums crushed under doc martens, sitting down in the shower and letting time pass by, always wearing your gold cross necklace, messy ponytails, beer burps, laughter that’s filled with desperation, jean dungarees, screaming in your pillow, mud stained clothes, denim on denim on denim. LINKS: stats. pinboard. character tag. playlist.

history

mary had a little lamb? WRONG. mary had a little calf. because she was born on a dairy farm in the highlands of scotland ( laugh at my joke pls i worked hard on it ). she was born third to two muggles – a scottish father and a mexican mother, who loved each other deeply – and would eventually become their middle child. she could have become overlooked, but mary never felt discounted at home: while her parents were very often busy with the cows, their love ran deep.

her youth consisted of this: running through fields of grass, attending a muggle elementary where people sang songs at her ( old macdonald had a farm and mary had a little lamb, the former of which was, of course, accurate ), playing with the animals, building tree houses with her brothers and sister and playing football every spare moment she got. it was good and simple and wholesome.

of course, strange things happened, as they tend to with muggleborns: she’d explode her brother’s toy when she got angry, or let things fly around the room when she was laughing. when she found out she was a witch at age eleven, things fell in its place. and the macdonalds, while traditional catholics, accepted mary, which is the most important thing of it all. her parents were shocked, yes, but they squeezed her shoulder and promised to discover this all together.

which?? very much influenced mary greatly? because it went against a lot of things they – and she, too – believed in. magic was deemed evil by the church they attended. everything about this was supposed to be wrong, but her parents shifted their views because their love for their daughter was greater than their desire to cling to all the rules the church laid down for them, this has allowed her to have a faith in people, and while she may be cynical and bitter at times, that faith is still there.

i mean --- her parents accepted her, they were capable of openmindedness despite being traditional people in most other situations. other people can too.

hogwarts was as chaotic as home, and mary settled in quite nicely. sorted into gryffindor ( she guessed it was for her rambunctious nature, but who knew ), she found herself a second home and loved it. as it turned out, she was rather good with a wand as well – she didn’t do so good at essays, though – and genuinely liked learning ( except for history of magic. fuck that. ).

being a muggleborn had its downsides, of course, but mary never really allowed herself to feel discouraged. hurt? yes, definitely, but never discouraged. she wasn’t going to let it get to her, she told herself, but it did, especially when the harsh words turned into something more. it was during her confrontation with mulciber that mary felt true, harsh fear for the first time. she felt shut down, paralysed, depressed —– but then, after a while, she got up and took some important steps. she reported mulciber, which led to nothing, which caused her to feel angry, which in turn caused her to feel determination. if the system wasn’t going to be on her side, she’d just have to fucking change it, right? mary started throwing herself in her schoolwork, determined to join the dmle – hopefully as an auror, but any position would do. she suppressed her fear and the trauma that was there, and kept her head straight.

this entire situation is up for change and stuff when/if we get a mulciber! 

graduation rolled around and mary got the five required NEWTs to even apply. it was a nervewracking process, but once she got into auror training, she cried. like. for a full ass day. she was so proud of herself and she felt so determined and !! man. it was such a good, defining moment. around the same time, mary joined the order; she knew the ministry was corrupt, and that it’d not allow her to do everything she wanted to, when the order DID. mary had too much anger, too much determination to fight this bullshit to just stick with the ministry, and so the order seemed like the right place.

it’s only recently that mary graduated from her training and became a junior auror. it’s ... infuriating, at times, but also amazing. she hates the ministry and most of the people in it, feels paranoid in those walls, but knows that there are good people, too. people who want to better that place, like she does.

kaz brekker voice: brick by brick, i will destroy you.

also --- mary is ... very quite involved in the war. her time is divided between the order and work, and her dog. she’s determined to get this war to end. she doesn’t even care if she destroys herself in the process --- what does her life mean, if she could help save numerous people?

so right now, she’s fighting. she’s gritting her teeth and keeping her goals in the back in her mind and is focusing. and she does not always feel brave or confident or self assured, but that does not matter: mary macdonald always gets the fuck back up, and that’s what she will keep doing until she’s completely knocked down.

personality & tidbits.

mary is a human espresso. she’s so. damn. bitter?? despite the fact that she keeps on going and that she’s fighting her ass off, she’s tired and angry that things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction, she’s feeling bitter about the fact that this kind of discrimination is happening right in front of her eyes and that she does not have enough power to stop it. she feels powerless, which makes her feel bitter, which makes her cynical.

still! mary is not necessarily a debbie downer to be around. she keeps her bitterness ( and hopelessness, even ) carefully hidden in boxes in her mind. on the outside, she’s filled with quips and smiles and quick comments! just a sociable bean, but just a bitter one.

is a dog person and will fight anyone who prefers cats. has a cairn terrier called bowie. she loves him more than anyone.

obsessed with tea, tbh. her ma always said that ‘there’s nothing a cuppa can’t fix’ and mary definitely agrees with this statement.

though is also a ‘whiskey in a teacup’ kinda gal

can be spotted wearing either a rly nice ass blazer or a jean jacket, no inbetween. either office-fancy or farmer-chique

fucking loves muggle culture and loves fellow muggleborns and !!!!!! she loves it!!!

very much in a take-no-prisoners mindset at this point re: death eaters. it kind of scares her, tbh, but mary is very much capable of murdering a death eater, even if she could stun them — she’s just done. she’s very. done. with them. and this whole shbang? will only feed into this.

mary is ruthless, that’s what it boils down to. she’s a lot more than that, of course, but she’s ruthless — in small things ( football matches & boardgames ) but also in bigger ones, and of course the war is the main way it shows. mary is so angry. she’s so angry and scared and tired of feeling that way and tired of being scared to lose people and herself and of death and she’s so angry that people really are this way and that they really do these things — she wants it to stop. she wants the world to be right. and sometimes she thinks the ends do justify the means.

this is why she’s chaotic neutral and not chaotic good.

like ive had her turned to dark arts before just bc she’s so desperate to. fucking win. tbh i’m sure she has a growing interest rn. stop it mary :(

and she’s also like — mary doesnt care if she ruins herself? if she becomes a bad person who’s unable to live with the shit she’s done? as long as the world is better for it, as long as kids can go to hogwarts and feel safe and the world is a safe place for everyone. what does her soul matter in the grand scheme of things? she’d burn in hell forever if it meant the rest of the world changed for the better.

emotionally driven mess of a being

is catholic but struggles a lot with religion and feeling faithful, but she does still identify is a catholic, it’s just? complicated. it’s rly complicated and she hates it.

is a bit flighty when it comes to romance, def has a lot of one night stands/fwb situations though??? she’s just like??? i dont have time for romance its a WAR

has been trying to stop smoking for five years, but alas

a proud scot. a proud latina. proud proud proud. such a fucking lionness.

mary was a beater during her time at hogwarts and was Highly competitive. threw herself into the sport tbh after the mulciber incident. she still thinks football is superior, but you know, it isnt in the air.

she’s pan and out of the closet --- something that did put a strain on her relationship with her family. ( the fact that they could accept her magic but not her sexuality ... baffles mary, but bigots have never been very reasonable. ) she’s not very open about it at home, but otherwise ... she’s out here lovin everyone.

plot ideas!

roomies —– so mary is not Earning A Whole Lot Right Now but does not want to live at home any more because 1. its in the middle of nowhere and 2. most importantly, she’s afraid of endangering her family. she needs roomies! i’d love for her to live in glasgow/edinburgh/london/idk a city!!!

hook ups/fwb’s/etc —– mary is what the old ppl call promiscuous and she sleeps around. so ! let’s talk! former hook ups! booty calls! friends with benefits! etc etc etc!

party pals —- mary likes going to pubs and clubs in the muggle part of town bc it is a LIT way to escape the reality of the wizarding world and also, muggle clubs have better music. come party w her!!!!

in the dragon’s den together —- fellow ministry employees who side eye the ministry and whom mary can sip tea and judge their colleagues with

mudbloods club —- mary loves her fellow muggleborns and i would love some muggleborn friends that she can be buds with. ranting about dumb pureblood names and traditions and the fact that wizards dont have movies

general friendship ideas —- im just going to a bunch of ideas here: hogwarts friends, ride or dies, order pals, friendly exes, fellow tea drinkers that she can go on coffee/tea dates with, friends who are growing apart bc of the war (my fave), etc.

etc —- some other ideas i want to spitball: purists who h8 on mary’s life, fellow diagon alley employees, fellow order members, Annoyances, there is solidarity in being scottish, ministry connections, etc etc etc HIT ME UP

[blissedoutphil]

To Live In Clover Part 6

Dan needs to escape his hell life. Anthony has a rather extraordinary offer. But what does it entail for Dan?

aka an AU where Anthony is a sugar daddy to both Dan and Phil.

oh god it’s been a month since I updated this I’m sorry. I hope this chapter is worth the wait! and thank you anons for your prompts! they fit the idea I had for this chapter perfectly :)

4713 words of Dom!Anthony, sub!phil & sub!dan, sexting, punishment, nipple play, cbt, predicament bondage

~Part 5~

~Part 7~

or read on ao3!

“Anthony said he might be home late again,” Dan announced sadly as he read the text from his dom. Anthony had been working overtime almost everyday for weeks, and their sex life has plummeted as a result.

“Seriously?! Tell him to stop being a workaholic. There’s more important things to do, like us,” Phil answered from the kitchen.

“Done,” Dan grinned and went to help out with dinner.

A few minutes later, their phones dinged.

“Too bad, Phil,” Dan read the text aloud.

Phil huffed. “Time to take matters in our own hands.”

“How?”

Phil looked thoughtful for a moment. “Take off your pants.”

Dan looked incredulous for a moment before he squinted his eyes in suspicion at Phil. “What are you planning?” he asked.

“You want Daddy to come home quicker and play with us or not?”

“Why don’t you take your pants off?”

“It’ll be more fun if you do it, trust me.”

Dan huffed out, but he found himself getting up to remove the only piece of clothing he had on anyway. Phil grinned at him and got out his phone.

“Alright, do a nice lil pose for Daddy,” Phil said cheekily, opening the camera.

“Phil...I don’t wanna get in trouble,” Dan said, unsure about Phil’s idea.

Now it was Phil’s turn to huff. “We haven’t come in like, 3 weeks. Don’t you want to do something about it?”

“First of all, stop exaggerating. It’s only been 2 weeks tops. Second...yeah of course I wanna but not if we have to be bad. We shouldn’t disobey our Dom.”

“Stop being such a goody two shoes, where’s the fun in that! What’s a lil spanking anyway? Just think about the amazing sex we’re gonna have after that! That we’ve been missing out on for weeeeks,” Phil tried his best to convince Dan, getting up and closing the space between them.

Dan mulled over Phil’s words, wondering if a punishment really is worth the sex. He supposed he could handle it, he might even enjoy the punishment since he’s been neglected this long and he was so used to having sex almost daily before the past couple of weeks. But it was the fear of disappointing his Master that was giving him doubts.

Phil sensed that Dan needed more encouragement, so he leaned forward, catching Dan’s lips between his. He pulled on Dan’s bottom lip with his teeth, hearing a small moan escape Dan. He cupped Dan’s ass, smiling into the kiss when Dan leaned into him instead of trying to pull away from the embrace.

Dan broke the kiss and groaned when he realised he’s now half hard. They weren’t allowed to help each other out, so he’d have to either take a cold shower or go through with Phil’s plan now.

“Fine,” he muttered and plopped onto the sofa, wondering what pose he should do.

Phil smirked, satisfied that his plan was going to work out. Without warning Dan, who was still trying to make himself comfortable on the sofa, he snapped a picture of his sub brother. Phil hummed approvingly of his own photography skills and sent the picture to Anthony.

“Hey! You could’ve told me you were gonna take it, did I even look good?” Dan squealed.

“Don’t worry darling, you look absolutely dashing,” Phil said dramatically and waved the phone in front of Dan to show him the picture.

Dan blushed, and noticed that his boner was on full display in the picture. He hoped Anthony wouldn’t get too angry that they were being naughty. The phone dinged and he scrambled to read the message.

“Behave, you two. Don’t be naughty and influence your brother, Phil,” Phil read the text, grinning.

Phil reached out and caressed Dan’s thigh. He took a photo, capturing his hand dangerously close to Dan’s hard cock as well as Dan’s flushed face.

Phil: but dan looks like he rly needs help, Sir!

Sir: im warning u phil, u better not misbehave. and dan just be patient, i’ll be home soon enough

Phil smiled wickedly. “Time for the finale, baby,” he announced.

Dan had no time to ask what the finale entailed because Phil’s lips were suddenly on his neck, and he moaned brokenly when Phil began sucking on his sensitive skin there. His cock twitched, but he refrained from touching himself.

“Phil, you’re making this difficult for me,” Dan whined breathlessly, “how’m i gonna control myself?”

Dan knew he should stop Phil, he knew they’ll definitely be in lots of trouble if he came. But instead, he gripped the back of Phil’s head and kept Phil in place.

Phil hummed, happy that Dan was encouraging him through his actions. After he sucked another hickey, Dan tugged Phil up and pressed an urgent kiss to his lips.

“Phil,” Dan moaned when Phil broke the kiss, and he dropped his head to Phil’s shoulder. He tried his best not to buck his hips up against Phil’s thigh, but the way Phil kneaded his ass made him hornier and more desperate.

“Your soon isn’t quick enough, Daddy,” Phil whined, voice small and childlike.

Dan lifted his head to see that Phil was recording a video, angling the phone camera to show how Dan was desperately clinging onto him, how hard and needy Dan was.

“Daddy please,” Dan begged breathlessly.

Phil stopped recording and sent the video to Anthony, smirking triumphantly. Then he turned his attention back to Dan, who was nipping at his shoulder.

“Anthony will definitely come home on time today,” Phil smiled, “now do you need help? I mean, we’re already in trouble anyway so...no difference if you come or not now right?”

Dan still wanted to be as good as he could; just because he did a small naughty thing doesn’t mean he should go all out. And honestly, he’s rather appalled at how bad his self-control had gotten. He decided to blame it on the fact that he hadn’t come in like 2 weeks.

Dan wanted to say it’s okay, really, he could just stop his boner. But Phil had begun stroking him slowly, fingers gently moving along his length, and goddamnit they’re going to be in big trouble.

The boys were so busy jerking each other off that they didn’t notice their Dom replying to their little video. They didn’t think to check their phones chucked away carelessly. They barely heard the front door slam shut, only hearing each other’s ragged breaths as they grinded against each other on the bed.

Dan had already come, and his hand was tugging Phil’s shaft expertly, knowing from Phil’s whimpering that he was close. He broke their kiss to gulp in some air, opening his eyes to look into those beautiful blue irises. But the corner of his eyes caught something odd by the door, and he glanced in that direction to see what it was.

All breath left Dan’s chest when he saw his Dom leaning against the doorframe, anger written all over his face. Like a reflex, Dan’s body moved before he could even think. He bumbled off of Phil’s body, leaving Phil confused.

“Dan wha-” Phil began, but when he saw Dan’s expression, he knew what happened. He didn’t even need to look where Dan was looking. Internally, he groaned. At least Dan had gotten off already, his own orgasm was building rapidly but now he definitely won’t get the sweet release.

But externally, he put on an innocent expression. He was prepared for whatever punishment Anthony would give, maybe even looking forward to it.

“Daddy, you’re finally home,” Phil said, voice sweet as he slowly turned to Anthony with doe eyes.

Anthony’s jaw was clenched, lips pursed in a tight line. He held Phil’s gaze with a fiery stare.

“Where did my good boys go?” Anthony’s voice was steady, but Phil could hear the hidden anger.

“We’re right here, Daddy,” Phil replied, voice small, pretending to be confused. Behind him, Dan was peeking at Anthony with big, scared eyes.

Anthony’s frown deepened as he made his way to the edge of the bed and towered above his subs.

“Dan,” Anthony’s voice boomed, and Dan cowered a little, “did you come? Without my permission?”

Dan’s mouth opened but he couldn’t find his voice to answer. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint his Dom, but there was no way to deny what he’d done. To make matters worse, his mind started playing unwelcome flashbacks of angry men in his past.

Dan squirmed a little under Anthony’s stare. He knew Anthony won’t hurt him, not like all those monsters in his past did. He honestly deserved a punishment from his Master, he wouldn’t put the blame on Phil for making him come. And he knew that lying would only make things worse. So, he swallowed down his irrational fears.

“Y-yes, Sir,” he whispered brokenly.

With that, Anthony turned his attention to Phil. “What a bad influence you are,” Anthony scolded, “you’re in for a tough night, boy.”

Phil didn’t seem bothered, but Dan didn’t want to throw his sub brother under the bus like that.

“It’s not Phil’s fault, Sir. I should’ve known better, I could’ve controlled myself but I didn’t. I’m sorry,” Dan’s voice was steady as he defended Phil and shared the blame.

Anthony crossed his arms and looked contemplative, while Phil turned around to give Dan a what are you doing? look.

“Alright then,” Anthony began after a few moments of silence, “I was about to let you off, Dan, because I know this was all Phil’s idea. But maybe you deserve to be punished too.”

“I do, Sir,” Dan answered, despite Phil shaking his head at him.

The two boys watched their Master walk over to the chest of toys with bated breath.

“Kneel up, face each other,” Anthony instructed when he returned and the boys scrambled to do as they were told.

Anthony had lots of rope with him. He first made the boys grip their elbows behind their backs and tied their forearms securely. He then waved a couple of nipple clamps in front of them, not even trying to hide his smirk when he saw the nervous looks on both subs.

The clamps were connected by a short 6 inch chain. Anthony tweaked and rubbed the boys’ nipples, getting them hard and stimulated. When they started moaning softly, he stopped and connected Dan’s right nipple to Phil’s left with the clamps, then did the same for their other side.

Dan hissed at the pain of the clamps pinching his nipples hard, and he had to shift forward closer to Phil to keep the chains slack. Anthony flicked one of the clamps on Phil, making Phil groan. He then stepped back to observe his boys. They were kneeling so close to each other to make sure the chains won’t go taut. That won’t do. He wanted to make sure the chains were as taut as they could get, have the clamps pull on their nipples as hard as possible without falling off. 

Anthony lubed his finger and slid it past Dan’s rim without much warning. Dan moaned slightly at the intrusion. Anthony didn’t bother to add another finger to stretch him properly, it was a punishment after all.

After hooking his finger and thrusting for a bit, Anthony removed his finger. He spread Dan’s ass cheeks with one hand, and with the other he slowly pushed an anal hook into Dan’s tight ass.

Dan jerked slightly when he felt the cool metal intrude him. When the hook was secure inside him, Anthony made a knot with rope on the end of the hook and tied the other end of the rope to the hoop at the top of the bed(**) right above the headboard. The rope was far too short to have even a little slack, and Dan found himself in a rather awkward position where his chest was still close to Phil to keep the chains loose, while his ass stuck out to reduce the tension on the rope connecting to the anal hook as much as he could.

Phil bit back a moan when Anthony started fingering him; he wasn’t supposed to be enjoying his punishment. Anthony had left him in predicament bondage before, but now with another person, he felt like it’s on a whole other level. He hoped they could take the strain that he was sure they’d soon feel.

And soon enough, Phil found himself in the same position as Dan, chest leaned forward and ass stuck out. If he moved forward to reduce the tension on the chain, the hook would dig deeper into his ass, but if he moved backward to relax the rope, the clamps would tug painfully on his nipples. It’s even worse than being in predicament bondage alone since his every move would affect Dan, and if Dan moves, he’ll be in pain too. If either of them wanted to relax, it’ll be at the other’s expense.

He looked at Dan, seeing the younger boy’s face scrunch up in concentration to stay still. They both have leaned forward as much as they could without getting themselves hooked deeper or losing balance, but the chains on their nipples and the ropes from their hooks have gone fully taut.

Anthony stepped back to admire his work. Phil shuffled a little and groaned when the hook in his ass grazed his prostate.

“Should I tie your balls to the bedposts too for good measure?” Anthony asked, and he chuckled when the boys frantically shook their heads.

He walked over and started stroking both his boys’ dicks. Phil moaned gratefully, he was still hard. Dan jerked a little, cursing in his mind as the clamps tugged on his nipples. In turn, it tugged on Phil’s as well, making him groan. He stroked them both to full hardness, until they were panting and breathing heavily.

“Almost forgot,” Anthony said, a smirk playing on his lips. He got out two ball weights from his pocket.

He hooked one weight onto each chain, delighted by the boys’ whimpers. “Don’t drop them,” he warned.

The weights swayed about, moving the chain and causing the clamps to tug the boys’ nipples down. Anthony tapped on the ropes tied to both their anal hooks. Like a butterfly effect, they both jerked backwards and caused the chains to go fully taut, tugging on their nipples painfully. They groaned and whimpered pitifully.

“Such naughty, horny boys...getting so hard even though it’s a punishment,” Anthony tutted. He smacked Phil’s cock at the last word and Phil jerked in surprise, in turn pulling on Dan’s nipples again.

“Well...good thing you have each other huh? You don’t need me. Guess I’ll leave you two to help each other get off again,” Anthony shrugged and left the room.

The moment Phil was sure Anthony was out of earshot, he whispered, “What was that for?”

“What was what for?”

“You could’ve gone without a punishment but you had to open your mouth and be such a good boy.”

“I couldn’t just let you take all the blame, I was in the wrong too. It’s not all your fault,” Dan said, trying to be as still as possible so the weights on the chains wouldn’t move.

“How long do you think he’ll leave us here?” Dan asked when Phil didn’t continue the conversation.

“Dunno...it always depended on how bad I’ve been and how pissed I made him,” Phil mumbled.

Dan whimpered, noticing that even breathing, a movement so small on his chest, can cause the chains to go rigid and the clamps to bite down harder on his nubs.

Phil moved forward, letting the chains go a little lax. The hook sunk deeper in his ass, but he was suddenly consumed by guilt for getting Dan into this mess, so the least he could do was help Dan suffer less.

Dan looked up at Phil questioningly, but he didn’t object. He gave a small smile as a form of thanks, and they stayed in silence that way for a bit.

“My turn,” Dan spoke up after a few minutes and leaned forward, biting back a groan as the hook forced his ass to stay in position.

“No, I’ll take it,” Phil replied, refusing to relax.

“It’s okay Phil, you should relax now and let me,” Dan insisted.

Phil let out a little wrecked noise, hanging his head in defeat. “Why are you so nice,” he mumbled, almost inaudible.

Dan was honestly a little worried by Phil’s sudden distress.

“I don’t want you to strain yourself so much, I can take it too,” Dan reassured him.

Phil looked up and Dan was surprised to see a tear rolling down Phil’s cheek.

“How are you not mad at me? First you’re sharing my punishment, and now you want to help me,” Phil sounded sad and confused, and if Dan wasn’t immobilised he’d hug Phil in a heartbeat.

“If I were you I’d be so pissed at me right now,” Phil admitted softly, “Would’ve pushed all the blame, would’ve taken the first chance at escaping punishment. I’d hate me.”

“Well,” Dan began, “I want to be here for you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with the consequences alone since we both broke the rules. And I don’t hate you, I deserve this as much as you do.”

“But it was my idea...I’m sorry I dragged you into this, I shouldn’t have done that in the first place,” Phil bit his lip guiltily.

“Sure this isn’t the spanking you said it’d be,” Dan chuckled a little, “but you’re forgiven, okay? Don’t worry, I’m not mad at all. I just really wanna make it up to Anthony now. I can’t stand being the reason he’s upset.”

“You’re a much better sub than me; I’m always a brat to him. Anthony deserves you and not me,” more tears were slipping down Phil’s face and Dan’s heart wrenched hearing Phil.

When Dan first moved in, he’d feared that Phil wouldn’t like him because he now had to share his boyfriend. But over the months, he’d seen how Phil cared for him as much as he cared for Anthony. He’d learned how Phil was such a confident boy, fully enjoying the idea of having two boyfriends. Unlike Dan himself, who sometimes had irrational thoughts on how they might dislike him for randomly invading their life.

He looked up to Phil, despite Phil’s playfulness that sometimes got him into trouble with their Dom. He wouldn’t call it being bratty, plus Phil’s right when he says there’d be no fun at all in being perfectly obedient all the time without any playfulness in a relationship like theirs.

So he never once thought that Phil could be insecure. That Phil would even think Dan was better than him, or that Anthony would prefer Dan over him.

“No don’t say that, Phil. You’re a brilliant sub for Anthony! I lack in what you’re good at. You’re an amazing cook, you bother to do the chores. I’m too lazy for all that. Anthony needs you. And I bet he’d be bored with a goody two shoes like me. He needs a cheeky sub like you,” Dan said, happy when Phil smiled softly at his last statement.

“And he doesn’t only need us, he wants us. Okay? Us. He doesn’t favour me over you, he doesn’t deserve me more than you. So quit crying, you spoon, and help me remind him how much he loves us, show him what he’s been missing out on,” Dan continued and Phil blinked his stray tears away as he laughed hearing what Dan called him.

Phil finally leaned back and whispered a quiet thank you, only then realising how his ass was in pain from the strain.

Dan was so busy helping to reassure Phil that he forgot about the pain. His hook had sunk in deeper, and now that his mini speech was over, he was suddenly all too aware of the uncomfortable sensation in his ass. Not to mention how sensitive his nipples were caught in the clamps. But he didn’t move. Phil had let him relax, and now he was going to return the favour.

So there they remained for the next half hour, taking turns to feel the strain while the other rests. Both of them had sweat sheening their bodies. Despite the mini breakdown, Phil’s cock was leaking precum. He was always a painslut.

Dan was only half hard, getting tired from keeping his muscles tense as he stayed still in position. If not for the hook occasionally brushing his prostate, he was sure he’d be soft. He tried to shift his focus away from the sharp pain on his nipples and in his ass, but it only made him aware of the dull ache in his knees, the pins and needles in his arms. But he didn’t regret asking for the punishment. Besides needing to be there for Phil, he also needed the punishment for himself. He needed to feel forgiven by Anthony.

A little over a half hour later, Anthony appeared by the door again. Neither of the boys dared to look at their Dom as he slowly walked up to them. Dan’s chest heaved a little as his heart began beating rapidly, causing the weights to sway. Anthony merely stood by the bed silently, observing his boys as they grew anxious under his gaze.

“Dan,” Anthony suddenly spoke up, making the boys jump a little, “your sub brother got you off, isn’t it a little rude not to return the favour?”

Dan bit his lip, unsure of how to answer, and Anthony smacked Phil’s hard cock. Phil jerked back and Dan sunk his teeth into his lip even more to stop himself from groaning as the clamps tugged harshly on his sore nipples.

“S-sorry, Sir,” Phil stuttered, knowing full well that Anthony doesn’t like his subs being hard when he punishes them; punishments aren’t meant to be enjoyed.

Dan watched with wide eyes as Anthony continued hitting Phil’s reddened cock. Phil tried his best to stay still, he didn’t want to jerk against the chains and cause Dan any more pain. Phil’s groans were soft, and as precum leaked from his cock, Dan knew that Phil couldn’t get soft even if he tried. He only gets hornier the more torture his cock receives. Anthony obviously knew this, and he probably wanted to make it difficult for Phil.

“Because you were naughty, I had to leave work early,” Anthony stated, removing the weights on the chains. The clamps immediately felt lighter on the boys’ nipples, and Dan gave a small sigh of relief.

“And because of that, I’ll have to stay in the office even longer for the next few days,” he continued angrily. He yanked the clamp off one of Phil’s nipples, causing Phil to yell out in pain as blood rushed to his sore nub. Anthony pressed and rubbed the aching nipple, making Phil groan loudly.

Dan whimpered as the clamp tugged his nipple down with the chain swinging around. His own nipples had gone numb and he feared the moment Anthony would take his clamps off. Phil’s reactions certainly weren’t helping.

“But of course,” Anthony paused to let Phil thrash around as he freed his other nipple, “I can’t let this happen again when I’m in the office.”

Phil looked down to see his erect nipples red and sore, and his abused cock an equal shade. He panted, hoping that at least the worst was over. He shuffled back to reduce the tension in the rope connected to his hook.

“I don’t know if I can trust that you boys won’t disobey me when you’re alone again,” Anthony said disappointedly, and it broke Dan’s heart.

“We’re really sorry, Sir, we promise not to do it again. You can trust us,” Dan spoke urgently, making sure to include Phil in the apology.

Anthony looked Dan in the eyes, and Dan confidently held the gaze until his clamp was roughly tugged off. He squeezed his eyes shut in pain, unable to hold back the scream that ripped from his lungs. The pain grew as Anthony rubbed the blood flow back into the abused nub.

“You’ll have to earn my trust back,” Anthony stated, face emotionless as he waited for Dan to calm down.

Dan tried to calm his breathing, but it was hard when he knew the pain was going to be repeated when Anthony inevitably removes the other clamp. Despite anticipating it, he still couldn’t help but scream again when his other nipple was finally free. He blinked back tears and groaned when Anthony pressed on his erect nubs.

Dan looked up when he heard Phil sniffling. He followed Phil’s line of sight to Anthony’s hands holding out a couple of cock cages.

“P-please Sir, punish me but not Dan. He tried talking me out of being naughty but I dragged him into it. I’m so sorry and I deserve to be punished more, but Dan doesn’t,” Phil sobbed.

Anthony softly carded his hand through Phil’s sweaty hair to calm him down, but Phil continued.

“I’m sorry I’m such a bad sub you don’t deserve, you deserve a good one like Dan.”

“Phil,” Dan said in a mix of surprise and disbelief, saddened that Phil still harboured those thoughts despite his efforts to reassure him earlier.

“Phil,” Anthony echoed, “you’re a very good sub for me, okay? Everybody makes mistakes and I don’t expect you to be perfect. And you know that every action will have consequences, you need to take responsibility for your misbehaviour. Even though it was your idea, Dan still misbehaved too. I discipline you boys when you need it. I still love you both equally, I won’t prefer one of you to the other. And I’m proud of you for taking your punishment well so far.”

Anthony had moved to hug Phil while speaking, and Phil rested his head on Anthony’s shoulder, wetting it with his tears. When Phil had calmed down a little, Anthony pulled back. He moved behind Phil and slowly pulled the hook out of Phil’s ass, making Phil moan quietly.

Anthony did the same for Dan, and Dan moaned gratefully. When he was done, he moved back in between his subs and silently held out the cock cages again.

“I want to earn your trust back, Sir, please cage me,” Phil said earnestly. His boner had reduced during his breakdown, making it a little easier for Anthony to slip the cage on.

Phil smiled gratefully once his cage was on, he knew that he needed Anthony’s disciplining. He understood why Dan insisted to be punished, because just like Dan, he also needed it to get rid of the guilt of misbehaving and disobeying his Dom and feel forgiven.

“Until I don’t have to work overtime anymore, so 3 or 4 days, we’ll see,” Anthony told Phil who nodded firmly. He’d gladly wear it for as long as Anthony deemed fit.

Then, Anthony turned to Dan and locked his cage on as well. “Two days. Just to learn to improve your self-control.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Dan replied, genuinely thankful for Anthony’s discipline.

Finally, Anthony untied his boys’ arms. He hugged them, and the boys snuggled into his warm embrace. He kissed the top of Phil’s head.

“I love you both, no matter how naughty you may be,” he chuckled as he held his boys tight.

“We love you too,” Dan answered softly, and Phil nodded.

“And we’re very sorry,” Phil added.

“I know you are, I’m glad you took your punishment well,” Anthony said as he booped Phil’s nose and ruffled Dan’s hair.

They’d have to wait even longer to finally have sex now, but Dan and Phil didn’t mind. Because the rest of the night was spent receiving the attention and care from Anthony that they’ve also been missing.

After a nice warm bath - Dan’s still impressed by how it could fit all of them in - they had dinner then a good cuddle in bed, where Dan giggled at Phil and Anthony joking around. Like everything was back to normal.

fun fact I originally wanted their balls tied to the bedposts but then anon suggested anal hooks and that’s way better so thank u anon xo

~Part 5~

~Part 7~