#and their inability to do something about it. to change it. make it better. their inability to hurt. so beautiful...

[paperclips37]

I am on a writing role.

And Frank being a yearning sap of a man is too fun to write. He is down bad and that is where I like it.

Set two years after the season finale.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65282857

-----

Almost two years sober.

Frank stares up at the cloudy sky above him. Carefully stretching his abused back as best he can. The urges still linger on the back of his tongue most days. Instead of that intense itching, ants under the skill there just a want to numb the pain. Be free of it even for a moment.

But he knows how to walk past it. Is better about contact his sponsor for middle of the night rants. Cassie when he needs his ass kicked. Robbie when he craves absolution. Mel and Becs when he needs to be reminded that he can be a good person. And someone to make him laugh.

It’s a life long struggle.

His NA support group are insisting on a party for him. This weekend; family and friends are more than welcome.

The 1 year chip is warm in his hand. He has yet to ask a soul to come.

It feels like a slap in the face to ask Abbey but he knows she’d straight up murder him if he doesn’t. They’ve stayed friends. The divorce was as easy as any of things go. Kids seem content. There’s more attention and adventures to Dad’s place. She’s been quietly supportive. Easily adapting when he has a bad day and plans change.

The guilt digs into his soul.

The time missed. Added weight to Abbey’s shoulders.

But the more he sits and reflects or even sees her. They’re both better for it. She’s not carrying his bullshit any more and neither of them have to act like things are okay. For the first time in a long time they have honesty. Abbey freely talks about how angry and scared she was. How his behaviours and inability to ask for help drove her away. No judgement just the truth.

How she fell out of love with him long before his addiction become obvious to her. It was just her limit.

He had to agree. Their relationship had naturally moved into that of partners, tied to one another for the rest of their lives but the romantic aspect had faded naturally. He braced himself against the metal railings and let those thought drift away.

‘It’s just weird. My brain is freakin’ me out!’ Santos in her classic fashion is talking/yelling about something. She’s so fucking loud and abrasive. Irritating. She’s been intent on stealing his shtick since her first day. They’re relationship had evolved from completely adversarial to mutually competitive. Dare he say he found it fun and friendly? Exchanging barbs back and forth. Being critical of papers the other wrote. Calling each other out on the pettiest of things.

‘Brains are known to do that.’ Mel. Her deep voice always drew his focus. He turned to see the pair walk outside. Trinity was flailing. Actually flailing. Mel’s eyebrows raised and knotted in that way they always did when people were being weird. When she was trying to determine what they actually meant. Glasses slipping down her nose.

‘I had a sex dream about a GUY.’ Frank choked.

‘Oh hi Langdon.’ He turned around and rested his lower back against the railing. Doing his level best to not laugh in Santos’s face. The woman knew Krav Maga, he was not going to piss her off any more than he already had.

‘Hi Frank.’ There was a squeak to Mel’s voice that could be interpreted as a laugh. Trinity was slowly turning beet red. Crossing his arm he doesn’t say a word. Just raises his eyebrows at Mel. Her dark eyes shift away hiding a smile. Trin shoots him a middle finger. Refreshing to see her so on the back step.

‘It’s wrong.’ Her voice is so petulant, so childish and un-Trinity that Frank couldn’t stop the laugh if he tried. Trinity turns apoplectic. ‘I’m a fucking lesbian Langdon.’ He snorts. It seems the absurdity finally sinks in and Trinity succumbs to the humour. Mel’s face, rosy from her own much better contained mirth turns contemplative.

‘Research is still on going into why we have sex dreams.’ Her head bobs in that way it does when her brain is ruining through her knowledge of things. So she completely misses how he’s having a fucking heart attack.

She’s researched this?

Luckily Trinity also look as flabbergasted as he does. Her eyes huge saucers. Frank makes himself blink and tries not to wonder what Mel’s dreams may look like. Or who might be in them. He fails miserably.

‘Dreams are inherently hard to research as the data is entirely subjective and I imagine that trying to standardise the data is next to impossible.’ Mel nods to herself, as she leans over the railing and stares down at the ground below.

‘Is there anything about sexual orientation in what you’ve read?’ Jesus Christ what was happening. Trinity looked concerned. Mel twists around, her braid slapping him on the shoulder. The hit giving him a much needed jolt of reality.

‘Most experts theorise that dreaming is the brain filtering through information gathered through the day. So it’s likely that one of your interactions yesterday was the trigger for your dream. I don’t think it means anything deeper?’

It was Trinity’s turn to choke. Her flush deeper with constipated look on her face. Parts of her dream coming back to her. Mel looked up at him slightly bewildered. Frank was not touching that particular comment with a 10 foot pole. Telling his brain not to do anything with it.

God only knows what his brain was going to make of any of this.

‘Okay maybe I can avoid an existential crisis.’

‘I think Abbot is doing consults if you need any advice.’ Frank throws the comment at Trinity’s jogging back. Her phone is buzzing. Off break. She once again shoots him a middle finger but she’d chuckling.

It’s nice having her on side Frank decides.

Mel is single hand clapping next to him. Head bopping to a quick rhythm. Frank knows her well enough that’s she working through something and it’s best to give her space to do so. He just waits. Besides it’s interesting watching her think. In The Pitt when she’d thinking she’s tends to still. Like every part of her is diverting energy to her brain. But when it’s more casual thinking she moves. Feet shift and tap. Hands tense and relax. She bends them at angles that worried him for a while. Then he learned that over half of people with a diagnosis of neurodivergency have some degree of hyperflexibility. 20% for neurotypicals. Or neuroborings as Becca calls them every so often. His own fingers bend back more than he expected.

Her face is a constant whirl of silent speaking and expressions. Maybe he pays too much attention but it’s fascinating the way Mel moves through the world. Sometimes you could see everything in her face and eyes. Other times her mind was a complete mystery. He smiles.

‘Trinity was surprised I’d ever had a sex dream.’

Her voice is flat monotone. Mel has shut down her emotional reaction.

Shit.

‘I think she was actually surprised I’ve had sex.’ Frank winces at that. He knows from previous conversations that Mel has experienced judgements and infantilisation simply because she’s different. He’s even seen it himself. People trying to be nice but coming off as condescending. As though she isn’t a high intelligent competent woman. She’s a doctor for fucks sake. It enrages him, how Mel tolerates it so patiently is beyond him. Also he tries to stop himself from picturing her actual having sex. He does not do well with that.

‘Santos can be clueless.’ Mel turns around and folds in on herself. He resists the urge to pull in close. That wouldn’t help right now. So he just leans against her. Enough pressure to tell her he’s there but not forcing much contact. He is far more pleased than he should be as she matched his pressure.

‘I know my brain is different but I have the same needs and desires as anyone else. I just approach it differently.’ He can tell her bottom lip is wobbling. Her voice has the tiniest hint of vibrato. ‘And she did say sorry for her assumption but...’

‘It hurt.’ He finishes, his voice low and careful. She nods slowly.

‘She’s known me for two years and still made an ableist assumption.’ Frank just wants to get her out of the hospital and back to her place. Bundle her up on the coach and make her laugh. But they still have a few more hours to go.

‘You didn’t think that did you? That I was a virgin. Not that I judge anyone for that, but I'm definitely not.’ In classic form Mel turns the situation to him. Not that she’s trying to get a rise out of him or anything. She genuinely wants his opinion and take. The more information the better for her internal analysis. Frank shakes his head quickly, trying to parse his words cautiously.

‘Of course not Mel.’ She turns to face him fully. He immediately mourns the lack of contact with her. Her eyebrows lift and come together they way they do when she’s fully keyed into something. Not one word will be forgotten. Frank mimics her, leaning more on the railing so he’s a bit closer to her eye level.

‘Like you said you have your own needs and wants.’ He cannot bring him to say desires to her face. Mel misses some underlying things, part of her charm, but he can’t risk her figuring out how this whole conversation is messing with his head. The heat simmering from the controllable to an inferno that could burn them both to ash if he looses hold of it.

Because fucking hell, there’s something about Mel King that haunts him. She’s so direct and honest. Sweet to absolutely everyone. The way she tries so hard to connect. Mel sees the best in everyone. Even a wrecked soul like him. She’d known him all of 12 hours and still turned up to the rehab centre. Not a lick of judgement in her eyes. One of the very few who doesn’t look at him any bit differently to that first day. He’s overheard her scolding people for the whispers behind his back.

Mel is strong and stubborn- but her fully asserting herself and talking people down isn’t really her style.

And she did it for him.

It was fucking hot.

And she was. That was the other thing about her. She had absolutely zero clue about the effect she had on people. Her bright sunny smile always demanded one back. Not even Robby and Abbot were immune to her magnetism. Dark brown doe eyes that could bring any one to their knees if she had half a mind to. Strong and athletic. The EMTs could be frequently overheard rating asses and she tended to be at the top. Every so often when he was close enough and her glasses slipped due to exertion, she’d stare up at him over the top of her frames. Each time he had to fight the urge to drag her away to any private place he could find. A cliché but the hot librarian thing was a thing for him.

‘You are a beautiful, intelligent and funny woman. Of course people want you.’ His mouth was drier than the Sahara. Felt like he was chomping down on cotton balls. It's a miracle he's managing to be any bit eloquent.

I want you. Damnit Mel I need you. Climb me like a fucking tree. His brain chants entirely unhelpfully.

‘Thank you.’ He’s really not sure if he’s more relieved she hasn’t caught on to his increasing heart rate. Damn scrubs do not hide a damn thing. Or annoyed that she hasn’t figured out that he’d give his left arm for any sort of chance with her.

But she’s too good for him.

Frank is a wreck of a human. Recovering addict, one fucked up marriage with two kids in tow.

He’s irritable, impatient, quick to judgement and way too mean for someone so good.

As she stares up at him, the cutest little please smile on her face he feels that maybe someday be might be close to her goodness.

Maybe.

She glows under his complement. If only she knew what he really thought. Would it freak her out? Or would she be curious? Even into it? Frank doesn’t have the stones to ask it. Not now. Mel turns to leave, expecting him to follow. They’ve really pushed the limit on their break. Frank is surprised that Dana hasn’t come investigating.

‘Ah Mel?’ She stops dead and turns to face him. Head tilting, the lights behind her head dancing off her blonde hair. He’s struck dumb for a second by the halo of light. Pure good.

‘Yes?’ Her cute little frown returns as she waits for him to speak.

‘It’s my two year soberversary this weekend.’ He swallows heavily, breathing through the swell of emotions. Some pride, bitterness, guilt and exhaustion rolling through him like a thunderstorm. Mel nods like she already knew. He feels his lips quirk up in a lopsided smile. She does know. Mel remembers the important things.

‘I was wondering, if you are free. Family and friends are welcome. Would you-’

‘Yes.’ Her interruption takes him by surprise. Mel follows the unspoken rule book as much as she can. He can count on two hand the number of times he’s ever seen her cut someone off. Her easy quick reply settles him. His shoulders drop in relief.

‘Really?’

‘Of course! It’s a big thing. I’m honoured you want me there.’

‘You’re one of my best friends Mel. Of course I need- want you there.’ Shit his self control is slipping. Mel dithers for a second, rapidly trying to make a decision. Then her arms around his neck and her lips are burning against his cheek. The hug is so out of left field his hands hover in mid air for a second. Freezing as he goes into sensory overdrive.

He has hugged Mel before. But it’s always been him initiating contact after checking in. Never just her throwing herself at him. This hug, she’s on her tip toes with more of her weight on him. Mel is always so careful to avoid any risk of aggravation to his back. This time she’s done it on a whim so she is fully pressed up against him.

Holy fucking shit.

It has been years since he’s had sex. His and Abbey’s failing relationship coupled with his benzo addiction pretty much killed his libido. Two years in and single. Mel’s lithe and yet soft body is shutting down all higher brain function. Her lips pressing that quick and light to his cheek and the fire burns through his body from the tiny contact. It takes every remaining brain cell he has (which is probably about three) to do his best to clamp down on a physical reaction to her.

His hands damn near span her back. Her hair smells like lavender and her skin is dangerously soft and smooth. Images threaten to flash in his mind. Tongue and teeth dragging along the satin skin.

‘Do you want Becca there?’ The loss of her heat has his base brain screaming. He thinks he’s imagining things but her breath seems a little shallow, voice a little huskier. Was she affected by the contact like he was? No. No a chance.

‘Have a cake related event without Becs? I may be an idiot but I’m not suicidal.’ Mel’s face scrunches for a second. Her sarcasm radar has improved greatly but every so often, context depending, it takes her a second. It’s adorable. Then her face is brighter than any sunlit day he’s ever seen.

‘Great!’ She does her little happy dance, hands clapping eagerly. It’s not so hard asking people. He quickly takes out his phone and sends Abbey a quick message. Kids don’t need to be there. They are still a little too young. He tells her if she wants to be there he’ll cover the sitter. Abbey responds with a thumbs up and her parents are happy to spend some time with the kids.

He feels decidedly lighter as he follows Mel back down to the Pitt.

Mel is muttering to herself about something. Frank is so distracted by his own thoughts that he doesn’t really pay attention to it. He stops to scan for Cassie and Robby. They’re next on their list. He spies them at the boards and makes a beeline towards them. But then he catches Mel’s voice behind him. Her deeper pitch travels further than he expects.

‘That hug is going to trigger another dream.’

Another dream?

His brain completely short circuits at the idea that Mel whether conscious or unconscious has thought about sex with him.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Those previous images he fought against flood his fried brain and he’s done.

Then he trips over a gurney.

[s4pphoiduser]

maybe a little corny but idrc i guess. so: maybe i'm just getting older or maybe my age/aging is totally unrelated to all this but i find that these days, now that i've grown out of being an angsty teen looking for anger and hate in every corner of the world, i find that now i am more struck by kindness, especially in fictional worlds that are harsh and demand a character let go of their kindness and inherent goodness to survive and never be taken advantage of or things like that. i like when characters are so kind that it's truly truly one of their core traits. i know it's not exactly rare, but these days... kinda feels like it. i'm always struck by characters who fight to be good and kind and still believe in fickle things like love and other people. characters whose kindness make others wary of them and draw them closer simultaneously. characters whose goodness and insanely strong (fought-for) sense of love and humanity (and i don't mean humanity like humankind as a whole; i mean a person's sense of humanity, i mean people. i mean people need people. i mean people need closeness and love and things that like that) makes others around them more likable and ... human. characters whose kindness/goodness/big big big hearts humanize everyone who gets the chance to be basked in the glow of that beauty.

[mockiatoh]

My biggest frustration with the left has always been the inability/unwillingness to work on making progress inside of the system while advocating for greater change.

I remember the first time I came to this realization.

I was nineteen, pregnant. We couldn’t afford to heat the house because we couldn’t afford the deposit to turn the gas on. It was miserably cold. The duplex we were renting was old and rickety and drafty. The window frames were messed up and there were cracks you could stick your finger through that were open to the elements.

Just, like, to give you an idea where we were financially. And this was better than we’d been doing before!

Anyway, I had recently started going to DSA meetings. And that month, they were talking about how a moderate democrat had successfully gotten a small increase in WIC benefits monthly. It came out to, like, $10 a month.

The members talking—mostly male, almost all doing decent—were scornful. The democrat should have pushed harder and gotten more, refused to accept anything until everyone else caved to their demands. I remember sitting there, quietly drinking the latte in the smallest size they had that I had bought with scrounged quarters, listening. Wishing it wasn’t held in an indie coffee shop because it was a luxury I really couldn’t afford, but it would be rude not to. Enjoying the coffee anyway.

I was one of the lucky ones who was getting that additional $10 a month through WIC. Even more exciting, we were now getting a voucher for the farmers’ market. I casually mentioned that WIC recipients would now be getting farmers’ market vouchers, too.

The guy who organized the meetings was a hard worker, passionate guy. Did something in tech.

He was like, “That’s the thing! These people don’t want farmers market vouchers. They want—” and he went on to describe a bunch of pie in the sky desires. That, yeah, sounded good.

But one. I was one of those people! A lot if the tamiles were super excited about it, myself included.

I had never been to a farmers’ market before. I tried arugula for the first time, a piece pulled from a bunch by the grower as he explained the flavor difference. I hadn’t known before then that different lettuce greens had different flavors, that it was more than just the texture and shape. I tried pesto, which delighted me. Goat cheese. I got three full pounds of strawberries for two dollars, since they were closing soon and the old man selling the berries got a kick out of me.

Anyway. It was like, you have a decent life. Not great but decent! The things that are life changing for me, for us… you already have.

The ten dollars at the grocery store made the difference between a meal of broken-noodles-with-some-half-horrible-pantry-scraps and a meal. It kept me full and healthy! And the additional farmers’ market voucher was world changing for me.

The democrat who worked for those things barely got them through. And it was means tested to hell and back. They weren’t able to get everything they wanted. But what they got made such a huge difference for me, for people like me.

[sttoru]

.⌇ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. it’s late at night and you try to cuddle with sukuna. keyword; try.

wc. 1.2k

tags. true form!sukuna x female reader. fluff, angst (+comfort). heian era. size difference (readers referred to as small). sukuna’s a bit mean, but he also has a soft spot for you. miscommunication ? it gets solved. reader gets called ‘woman, doll’.

“what are you trying to do?” sukuna sighs. you’re up to something again, he figures. his red eyes follow your body as it crawls up to him on the bed.

you’re both tired after a long day of fulfilling some duties here and there around the estate. all you need is a big beefy man wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm and safe.

the perfect man for that is sukuna. those four arms of his wrapped around your small body feel like heaven.

“it’s called cuddling,” you retort. the sarcastic tone you used triggers a deep sigh from the sorcerer. sukuna holds back the urge to say something sarcastic as well.

he doesn’t utter a single word once you snuggle up to his chest. you’ve taught him how to cuddle during the first time you asked him to hold you. sukuna was awkward with showing any type of affection back then.

. . he still very much is.

“hug, please,” you remind him. the cold-hearted man scoffs, though listens to your polite request. all four of his arms imprison you against his chest, your small body nearly disappearing behind his limbs.

that’s what you like most about those cuddles you share together; how you fit so perfectly in his strong arms. it’s much more comforting than you thought it would be.

a pair of hands rests on your waist, the other pair on your hips. sukuna glances down at you and immediately notices that smile on your lips. even after all this time, he still cannot fathom why you’re so carefree around a monster like him.

and that inability to understand you and your love for him is accompanied by an urge to push you away.

“you got your hug, now get up,” sukuna interrupts the silence. his voice is cold and devoid of emotion—he uses that voice when he talks to other people. not with you, “i have better things to attend to.”

thus, it hurts. when he talks to you like that. like you’re not the person he secretly cherishes most. though, you remind yourself of sukuna’s own words. the ones you heard him say a while ago.

‘love is meaningless’, he said. you remember. and yet you kept hoping that he’d change his mind about that statement. you hoped and eventually saw exactly that: your presence and your affectionate gestures mellowed his heart of steel.

but all that effort seems to go down the drain every time sukuna pushes you away.

you know it’s because he’s unfamiliar with the feelings of love. he may not say it nor show it, but you know that sukuna’s afraid of hurting you. so, he creates a gap between you two every now and then.

you know and yet you’re patient.

“oh, ‘kay,” you nod in understanding. you pull away from his embrace and get up from the bed. your bottom lip trembles.

sukuna is not gullible. he’s anything but oblivious. especially if it’s about how you feel and act. he notices every single change in your mood; whether you mask it or not.

you walk to the sliding doors—ready to open them and step out into the hallway. your eyes are a bit watery, but you quickly blink the tears away and take a deep breath in. you reach for the door.

“come back here, woman.”

sukuna’s booming voice makes you stop. you glance at his form over your shoulder. he’s leaning against the headboard of the bed, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

is he. . . upset?

“why? you said you had better things to attend to.” you answer with a shrug. you try your best to not make it seem like his earlier words had effected you. you turn your head towards the word with a huff, “go on, then.”

sukuna narrows his eyes. he sucks at communicating what he actually desires—what he actually wants. right now that want is for you to stay. even though that completely contradicts his previous words.

the sorcerer doesn’t know what to do. when you’re with him, he pushes you away out of guilt. when you’re away, he wants you back with him.

love is complicated.

“you. . .” sukuna grunts in frustration. all those feelings for you inside of his heart are playing with his rational thoughts. he doesn’t like seeing you upset. he wants the usual you back, “tsk. fine then.”

silence, followed by the creaking of the bed frame. seems like sukuna’s getting up to do whatever ‘business’ he needed to attend. at least, that’s what you thought.

you slide the door open and set a foot outside of the chambers. before the other could follow, you’re suddenly lifted up in the air by a strong pair of hands. your vision turns upside down as your body is effortlessly hoisted onto a shoulder.

“woah!” you gasp and feel the blood go to your head. your eyes are fixed on the back of your lover. you kick your legs in protest, but only get a smack to your ass in response. you whine at that, “put me down!”

“watch it, doll,” sukuna hisses at your fierce demand, a warning to fix your tone. he puts you back down on the soft mattress. he’s surprisingly gentle when he settles you in place—not throwing you on the bed or anything similar, “should’ve listened when i told you the first time.”

your eyes meet sukuna’s and you notice how much they’ve softened. that alone makes the lump in your throat disappear. your love for him isn’t one sided—you’ve always kept that in the back of your mind—yet your thoughts made you overlook the little things he does for you.

his actions speak louder than his words. that’s the kind of man he is.

sukuna’s trying to open up more, though that process is slow. you’re fine with that.

especially when there’s that faint pout on his lips as he stares at you. his eyebrows are still furrowed, his crimson eyes sharp yet warm.

“oh, you want me back in bed this bad?” you tease once you get the opportunity. the man in front of you clicks his tongue and grabs your cheeks with one hand, turning your head up to face him.

sukuna’s eyes are focused on yours. the eye contact is intimidating, but you’re hypnotised. you physically can’t look away. he leans in and bites your lip with his sharp canines, “shut up.”

that raspy whisper alone confirms your assumption. you giggle at his attempt of refuting your point. you’re used to all those intimidating words and actions he pulls to get you to stop your teasing.

those empty threats—it’s becoming rather cute with how hard he tries to deny everything. he fails nearly every time, however.

“come,” sukuna lays back against the pillows after placing a quick and sloppy kiss against your lips. he pulls your body against his and presses your head against his chest, right where his heart is beating, “continue with your.. ‘cuddling’ thing.”

he put your ear right above his heart, because he remembers listening to his heartbeat calms you down. you told him that a while back. sukuna doesn’t understand why you like it, but his fingers massage your scalp either way.

that’s also something that brings you comfort.

you’re surprised by how much he knows about you, but appreciate it anyway. he remembers both the big and small things about you. ‘that’s how he probably shows his love,’ you conclude silently.

[the-cimmerians]

Vice President Kamala Harris announced this week that the Biden administration is looking to lessen the burden medical debt has on people by purging it from their credit report. This means that even if people have piles of medical debt — one in five Americans say they do — it’s not going to affect their ability to get a mortgage or a car loan. So they will at least have a place to rest their head and a car they can drive to work every day while paying off their medical bills.

Via AP:

Harris said that would make it easier for them to obtain an auto loan or a home mortgage. Roughly one in five people report having medical debt. The vice president said the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is beginning the rulemaking process to make the change. The agency said in a statement that including medical debt in credit scores is problematic because “mistakes and inaccuracies in medical billing are common.” “Access to health care should be a right and not a privilege,” Harris told reporters in call to preview the action. “These measures will improve the credit scores of millions of Americans so that they will better be able to invest in their future.”

It only seems fair that high medical bills for an emergency or serious illness shouldn’t affect one’s credit rating anyway. It’s not like we’re talking about someone irresponsibly dropping several grand at Versace and then never paying off the credit card bill. Fifty-seven percent of Americans could not afford a surprise $1000 emergency, so the inability to pay off massive amounts of medical debt is hardly a fair reflection of an inclination to default on normal payments — payments you can budget for — on something like a mortgage or auto loan. “Way to be irresponsible by getting cancer, lady! You should definitely be punished for that by not being able to find any place to live!” seems pretty harsh, no?

[janus-cadet]

So, hm, I may have my attention span stolen by yet another god of Discord. Lux was absolutely amazing in his lil disguise, and, well- that leads to yet another tarot card.

But oops, I tripped! There might have been a slight addition to the card, in the form of three other gods of the Pantheon, and one very distressed Doctor.

(Don't be fool, I'm sure he's having a great time. We know how much he likes dangerous murderous people, especially the blondes one)

Why the Five of Wands, tho? Well, that's actually very easy to answer- because that's The card for Discord. What else than the Pantheon to represent it? It's a card that express conflict, as in, you're un the midst of a battle (poor you, Doctor) that you simply can't escape. Don't expect to solve it with nicey dialogues and come to any common ground: everyone is stuck on what they want and cannot be bothered to hear what the others have to say. Maybe they simply couldn't be bother to care, vast beings that they are; all the more frustrating, because you know that if you could have them hear you out, much good could come from an association. It's complete chaos and disorder, from the whole human race driven mad by a giggle, or an entire theater of missing people. All you can do is rise above the mess; if they won't listen to reason (or a proposal to go play among the stars, which may or may not be due to your inability to be normal about blond murderers), then, you'll have to take action. You have to try to LISTEN. If you really do, well- you might actually find a surpringly nice end to the conflict you brought. Looking at you, Toymaker. Gonna make you eat your "and yet", idiot.

The card also stands for change and instability, which is the very thing those gods stand for- as shown by the effect they have on your reality, and the consequences they can bring upon your world. Tho the change, sometimes, can be positive; every transformation is not from flesh to dust. Maybe, sometimes, you'll get to turn into infinite light or something (if you're lucky and don't end up eaten by your own piano, or origamied into your own realm made small). All in all, this chaos is ultimately the source of dreadful inner conflict for you. Your perspective is constantly challenged by someone else, by new informations, and your approach to the growing problem cause you a tone of moral dilemmas.

Unfortunately, it does not look like it's going to get better for you, Doctor. Oopsie!

And there we are, for the eleventh Doctor Who tarot card of the lots! To think that this all started with wanting to draw the Masters, and now, I'm sixty cards in. We're nearing the end....

[star-anise]

Currently getting my socks clean blown off by Rethinking Narcissism, by Dr. Craig Malkin. Which I found, in a roundabout way, from this video on Midsommar, grief, and narcissism.

Tonight I woke up from a nap and accidentally took my morning meds, so I'm going to be up for a few hours because of the meth. In place of sleep, I'll try to roughly sum up some basic ideas proposed by the research the book is based on:

That traits of "narcissism" like entitlement, grandiosity, and feeling special are not inherently toxic. There are times and places they are appropriate and beneficial. If you show up at a hospital with a gunshot wound to the chest, you should not sit and wait to be seen after people with earaches and coughs. (Actually, medical systems are designed to prioritize people with more urgent needs, and you qualify under that system. You are special and are deserving of different treatment than those others, which is why making your needs known, even insisting on it if you're not listened to appropriately the first time, is an extremely good idea. It keeps you from bleeding to death on the floor, and keeps the hospital from getting its pants sued off by your heirs.)

It is more useful to view "narcissism" not as an inherent immutable personality trait, but as a cluster of coping mechanisms. As previously stated, there are times they are exactly the right coping mechanism for the job. However, people we call "narcissists" tend to cling to these ones even when they become detrimental to themselves and others, often because they lack other ways of regulating their emotions and getting their needs met. And that is something they can change, if a person is willing to put in sincere and difficult work. It is not usually fast change; it's a matter of years, not weeks. But a skillbuilding approach turned Borderline Personality Disorder from an immutable curse to a fully treatable (though not quickly treatable) condition, and there's a lot of hope that it can do the same for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Meanwhile, there's an opposite end to the narcissism spectrum, and it is also pathological and destructive to hang out there all the time. It's an aversion, or even a resistance, to expecting yourself or other people to treat your own feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs, or preferences as important. For Greek mythology reasons, its proposed name is Echoism.

Unfortunately, because most of the damage echoism does is, by its very nature, localized to its sufferer and their own personal relationships, its downsides aren't often talked about. In fact, it's often seen as an ideal moral state, a kind of altruism or saintliness everyone should strive for. As a pathological coping mechanism a person is trapped in, though, it's often more a fear-based reflex than a conscious and deliberate attempt to achieve some real and specific good. It's not actually as beneficial as being able to recognize your needs, desires, positive aspects, and areas of competence or excellence, and bring them forward in your relationships with other people and yourself.

To me this has all been a cross between a gut-punch and a cool, sweet drink of water. There have been other ways to describe echoism over the years, but this feels like the most concise and useful one I've seen in ages.

It specifically puts its pin down in the middle of the moral debate a lot of people struggle with—"What right do I have to put myself forward? What hope do I have of being seen and accepted? Isn't it better not to burden anybody else?"—and says that the problem is not feeling in touch with either side of the equation, but specifically, the inability to move from one part of the spectrum to another when it's merited by circumstances.

When I was a child, I thought Echoism was the answer. It was my ideal. I thought it was what would get me the love and acceptance I wanted, and would keep me safe from the pain of rejection or not being understood. I had no idea it would actually, in fact, be the primary cause of alienation and loneliness for the rest of my life.

Now I'm so deeply thankful I couldn't fully achieve it, in practical terms. As hard as I tried to erase myself, there were always things I loved too much to suppress. I still found ways to express and discover myself in the books I read, the stories I wrote, the intellectual work of school and the experience of pursuing hobbies I loved, my ambitions to be helpful even when they demanded I stop being selfless, and the relationships where I felt safe enough to experience love and acceptance even if I didn't think I deserved them.

There's this question I found a while back that echoed in my bones: Who am I allowed to be around you? Because that's what I felt like, as a child. If I wanted to engage with other people and minimize my risk of harm, it was my job to bend into a pretzel and fit the shape they wanted. And thank god, thank god, thank god, I couldn't fully do it. Despite everything, there were parts of me too strong and bright to lop off completely to get my arms and legs inside the carriage. I was able to take care of myself and let them grow in secret until I found social places I could let them out again. Despite myself, I found ways to grow and thrive, well beyond the trauma that said I shouldn't have.

[sukiyurii]

Tension

(NSFW! Caitvi x reader, f!reader, AFAB!reader)

(praise, oral sex, strap-on sex, all!receiving, bottom!reader, bottom!vi)

wc: ~4.7k

Caught in a little lie between Vi and Caitlyn, they use your own inability to conceal your feelings against you.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚Because you and Vi were practically inseparable up until she was kidnapped, it was only natural that when the two of you reconciled in Zaun, she brought you back to Piltover with her and Caitlyn.

This led to a lot of you and Caitlyn butting heads. She was still becoming accustomed to Vi’s rash behavior, so when you add your own attitude to the mix; she’s less inclined to receive it positively. Don’t mistake her difficulty for lack of effort, because she does try. She meets your sarcasm, snide remarks, and crude words with as much patience as she can muster. 

While you are utterly infuriating and manage to push every single button she has, she is still infatuated with you. She sees the way your eyes soften when you talk to Vi, especially if it’s about your memories growing up, or any of her other adoptive siblings. Seeing Vi vulnerable and unguarded is new, refreshing, and probably her favorite thing to witness now.

There’s equal attraction on any and all ends between the three of you, a general consensus that all of you are just so breathtaking it’s actually ridiculous. While Caitlyn had initially been hesitant to welcome you into her life, she quickly finds herself overly enthusiastic every time she spots you asleep on the velvet couch in her room. 

She’s currently watching you and Vi chat about something, unable to determine what it is in full. She cocks her head to the side as you lean forward and show Vi one of the newest scars your body adorns. It’s deep, jagged, and runs across your left forearm, it’s a truly nasty thing. Vi raises her hand to your arm and gently soothes a calloused thumb over the skin, a silent, sympathetic apology.

Caitlyn stands up from the desk in her room, abandoning the caseload that’s occupying the surface. She makes her way over to the bed, long legs striding quickly, eager to get close to both of you. She crawls onto the bed behind you and settles herself on your left side, bracing herself with her right arm on the opposite side of your back. 

She pretends not to notice the way your breath hitches slightly as she crowds your space, feigning innocence as she looks down at your arm as well. She moves her hand down to your forearm and runs her fingers over the scarred skin, her own fingers dancing with Vi’s as they map out the old wound. 

“It used to really bother me, like… the sight of it,” you explain quietly, earning a few slow nods of understanding from the other two women. “What changed?” Caitlyn inquires gently, pushing your arm up slightly– an attempt to get a better look at it. You shrug, “I guess I… got used to it, I think,” you attempt to explain, but you really don’t have a solid answer. “Scars just kind of become a part of you, right? No reason to dwell on them forever, shit like that’ll make you miserable,” you conclude, giving both of them a faint smile. 

The two women let out a collective hum at your words, continuing to move their fingers over your arm. Vi adjusts herself and moves forward, brushing your knees together. 

The tension between all three of you truthfully could be sliced in half with the dullest knife a kitchen has to offer. Vi’s voice cuts through the air, “Why’re you so tense?” she asks quietly, noticing the way your shoulders had stiffened. The question becomes seemingly difficult to answer as you feel Caitlyn’s breath sweep over the back of your neck, her arm brushing against your back. 

“I– uh, I’m still just kinda sore from training yesterday,” you stammer in a half-truth. It is true that you were all dragged to hours worth of intense conditioning yesterday– still leaving you quite sore. But the reason that your body had tensed wasn’t due to your still aching muscles. It has everything to do with the fact that you can feel Vi’s calloused hands running over your skin and her pretty eyes trying to peer into your soul. Followed by Cait’s arm pressing into your back and her breath running down your neck. 

You feel Vi’s grip on your arm tighten ever so slightly, “You’re a really bad liar, y’know that?” She teases, voice dropping ever so slightly. You hear Caitlyn let out a quiet chuckle, followed by her slender fingers snaking their way up your right arm. “I–” you begin, but the words quickly fall short, almost as if you didn’t even know what you wanted to say to begin with. 

“What was that?” Vi coos quietly, a playful tone to her voice as she leans forward slightly, causing you to lean back reflexively. However, it only gets you so far as you further press yourself into Caitlyn’s awaiting, eager presence. Caitlyn lowers her head, placing her chin on your shoulder. 

The action causes your breath to hitch, causing  her to let out another quiet, amused chuckle. “Seems like we’ve made someone a little nervous,” she mumbles, her thick accent feeding through the air and rolling over your ears. You turn your head briefly as you feel her shift around, now sitting directly behind you. Her hands come up to your waist as she presses her chest to your back. 

You hear Vi’s soothing voice call back to you, “Is this okay, are you alright?” she asks, pulling your face back towards her gently with the side of her index finger. You nod quietly, still slightly awestruck of the situation. Vi shakes her head and says, “We need words from you, can’t just nod right now,” she says firmly, tilting her head curiously. 

“Yes, yeah, I’m good, this is okay,” you reply, giving her a reassuring smile. Both women let out a content hum at your consent, sharing a look that you can’t quite decipher. Well, you can’t decipher it until you feel Caitlyn’s hands untuck your button-up from your dress pants. You feel her long fingers rake over your skin gently, pushing her hands further up beneath your shirt. 

Vi cups your jaw with a calloused hand gently and leans forward, stalling briefly to look at your flushed face. She continues forward until your lips finally meet, causing you to short-circuit briefly. She lets out a quiet moan as you reciprocate her movements, your own hands reaching forward to brace themselves on her broad shoulders. 

You whine as you feel Caitlyn’s hands leave your skin, she shushes you gently as she moves them upwards and begins to undo the buttons of your shirt. She sits up on her knees further and presses her lips onto the side of your neck as her hands tediously work over the garment. You moan softly into Vi’s mouth, fingers tightening around her taut muscles. She reaches one of her hands up and cups the back of your head, pulling you forward, sliding her tongue in between your lips. 

Once Caitlyn has the buttons undone, she quickly shoves the shirt down your arms and moves her lips to your shoulder. She wraps her hands around your bra-covered breasts and squeezes eagerly, nipping down on the sensitive skin of your shoulder. You can feel her inhale sharply as you press your ass back against her front, languidly rolling your hips against her. “Ah– Cait,” you gasp, rewarding a soft moan from her.

You slide your hands from Vi’s shoulders down to the belt around her waist and unbuckle it, dropping it to the floor next to you. Your hands swiftly work along the enforcer jacket, popping the buttons as your hands work their way down. She pulls away from your lips and rests your foreheads together, panting as you push the jacket from her shoulders. “You’re so pretty, Vi,” you mumble, pressing a quick kiss to her jaw. 

Caitlyn pulls away from your shoulder before surging forward, capturing Vi’s lips with hers. You’re entirely sandwiched between the two women, reaching one arm behind you to hold the back of Caitlyn’s head. Your chest presses into Vi’s as you loll your head back onto Caitlyn’s shoulder, giving you the perfect angle to watch their lips dance together.

You place your hand up on Vi’s collarbones before slowly trailing it down her body, grinning eagerly as you hear her moan into Caitlyn’s mouth. You feel one of Caitlyn’s hands leave your breast and trail up to your jaw, holding it firmly. She pulls away from Vi, ignoring the way that she whines at the disconnection. She moves her other hand to the back of Vi’s neck, tangling her fingers into her hair. She tugs on it gently, relishing in the way Vi whimpers at the feeling. 

She keeps a tight hold on your jaw as she leans down and presses her lips to yours. The angle is awkward and sloppy, but she really can’t bring herself to care as she listens to you moan against her mouth. With both of you in her grasp she feels overwhelmingly powerful, elated by the way she makes both of you squirm. She pulls away, much to your disdain and pushes you forward by your upper-back gently.

You turn your head towards her and watch as she slowly begins to shed her own uniform. She grins as she watches both of your eyes widen at the sight of her now exposed skin. She pushes herself onto her hands and knees before crawling forward, settling back on her knees next to both of you.

You immediately tilt forward and attach your lips to her neck, palming at one of her breasts. She cards her fingers through your hair at the feeling and lets out a low moan, tilting her head back. You feel Vi place a hand on the band of your bra, quickly undoing it as she attaches her lips to Caitlyn’s collarbones. You slide your bra off of your shoulders before tossing it to the ground, immediately connecting your hand with Vi’s back– reaching for the end of the bandage wraps.

As you work to undo them, you fumble slightly, which elicits collective giggles from all three of you. Once you finally pull them away and drop them, you attach your lips to one of her breasts, sucking at the skin. “Oh, fuck,’ she whimpers, tightening her fingers in your hair. You feel Caitlyn come up behind your back again, reaching over you to grab at Vi’s other breast, and attach her lips to the stop of your spine. 

You pull away from Vi, looking up to meet her hungry, nearly feral gaze. She reaches up to grab your jaw firmly, giving you a sly smirk. “I know that you’re plotting something,” you tease, not missing the way that her eyes flick from yours, to Caitlyn. “Maybe I am,” she retorts, leaning forward to nip at your jaw, licking over it. 

Caitlyn continues to work her way down your spine, letting go of Vi so she can reach for the front of your dress pants, undoing them. Once they’re open, she slides her hand underneath the fabric of the pants and your underwear, rubbing gentle circles over your clit. 

She grins as you let out a guttural whine, pressing her fingers onto the sensitive bud harsher. Vi reaches for the waistband of your garments and tugs them down your legs, assisted by you. Caitlyn slides her fingers further down, teasing them over your lips. She readjusts, bracketing her long legs next to yours and wrapping an arm around your chest, holding your back to her chest.  

“Isn’t she so pretty, Violet?” she asks, eyes moving from her hand attached to you, to Vi’s. She notices the desperate look, the need that Vi has to touch you. “Yeah, she is,” she answers, sliding one of her own, large hands up your left leg. You shift and flush beneath the praise, whimpering as you feel one of Caitlyn’s fingers slide inside of you. 

You arch and squirm beneath their hands– resulting in Vi pinning your legs down as she lowers herself onto her stomach. She attaches her lips to the side of your thigh as Caitlyn continuously moves her finger inside of you, gently working in a second one. “Do you feel good?” she asks, obviously knowing the answer to her own question.

When you nod eagerly, rolling your head back onto her shoulder, she smirks down at Vim watching as the other woman kisses her way up your leg. “Tell me how good you feel, I wanna hear it,” she encourages, curling her fingers right against your g-spot. 

And as you attempt to stutter your words out, you feel Vi’s arms wrap underneath your legs and pull them over her shoulders. You fist her pink locks into your hands, keeping a firm, grounding hold on it.

“It– It feels really good,” you stutter, thighs tightening around her head as she continues to suck on the sensitive skin. “Tell me more,” she encourages, keeping a languid, teasing pace inside of you. “I’ve never felt this good before, like– like, it feels so much better than a-anything else,” you reply, whimpering as you feel Vi roughly bite onto your thigh. 

“I need more,” you plead, back arching violently. “We’ve got you, just relax, m’kay?” Vi mumbles, wrapping her hands around your hips. You nod and slump back into Cait’s awaiting form, letting them ravish you. Your eyes roll back as her fingers continuously curl inside of you, receiving borderline pornographic moans from you.

Caitlyn pulls her fingers out of you, chuckling as you whine loudly at the loss. Almost immediately after her fingers are pulled away, Vi attaches her mouth to your pussy, moaning lowly at the contact. “I’m gonna be right back, okay?” Caitlyn announces, pressing a final kiss to your shoulder before she peels herself away. You groan at the loss of contact, fully falling into the bed now.

Vi seizes the opportunity and moves over you with a new passion, using the position to her advantage. She sits up slightly and presses your thighs to your chest, keeping them pinned there with her rough hands. She sucks on your clit sloppily, nearly attempting to devour you. You tighten your hands in her hair and tug harshly, desperately trying to grind against her mouth, but finding your efforts useless. “Oh, fuck, Vi,” you moan. 

You hear the quiet commotion of Caitlyn shoving her pants and underwear down her legs, kicking them off to the side. She shuffles through a drawer, and you spare her a brief glance as you see the familiar sight of the pink and purple dildos, and black harnesses coming into view. You grin excitedly at the sight, earning a matching smile from Caitlyn. “Taking good care of our girl?” she asks Vi, trailing a lazy hand up her inked back as she comes up behind her. 

The woman between your thighs nods enthusiastically as she continues to work over your pussy, sighing contentedly as she laps up the salty liquid. You peer your eyes open, drinking in the sight of Caitlyn strapping one of the harnesses onto her lean hips. “She feels so good, Cait,” you whimper, clamping your thighs down around her head again. 

“Always so good at pleasing, isn’t she? Such a good girl,” Caitlyn coos, climbing back onto the bed, dropping the items onto the sheets. “C’mon, Violet, I want you undressed,” she murmurs, shoving your hands away from her head and fists her own into the tangled hair. She yanks Vi away from your core, both of you groaning at the loss. 

You watch Caitlyn tugs her head back and crash their lips together, moaning at the taste of you on her lips. Vi is up on her knees, braced on her hands and back arched– truly a sight anybody sane would kill to see. Caitlyn pushes her onto her back next to you, quickly working her pants and underwear down her thick thighs.

You turn over, attaching your lips to Vi’s messily, curling a hand around the side of her neck as you hold her in place. One of her hands reaches up to hold your forearm, and the other goes down to rub over her clit. She moans into your mouth loudly, hand tightening around your arm.

Caitlyn swats her hand away with a quiet “aht,” and she gets a pathetic whine in return. She shushes her gently before attaching the purple dildo to the harness resting on her hips. Vi reaches for the other harness and stands up, sliding the harness up and securing it firmly– actions a little more ungraceful as excitement thrums through her. 

All while this is happening, Caitlyn has settled herself next to you, trailing her hand back down your body. She connects your lips as her fingers make contact with your pussy again, sliding her fingers back inside. Vi catches you as your back arches at the contact, settling herself on your other side.

“Get on top of her,” Caitlyn mumbles against your lips, giving your thigh a light pat. You nod and comply immediately watching as Vi spits into her hand and rubs the slick over the silicone. 

“Y’ready?” she mumbles, keeping a supportive hand on your hip, and the other on the dildo attached to her hips. You give her an affirmative nod before bracing your hands on her chest, slowly lowering yourself onto the fake appendage. 

You both groan at the feeling, her hands tightening around your hips as she bucks her hips up further. Once she’s slotted inside of you completely, she gives you a firm pat on the ass. “Let’s go, pretty girl, move,” she commands, moaning as your hips immediately rock down on the fake cock. 

You let out a string of moans and curses as you bounce on-top of her, watching as her face flushes a deep pink and raspy moans leave her mouth. 

You feel a warm presence move behind you, “Does she feel good?” you hear Caitlyn ask, breath ghosting over your ear. You let out a guttural whimper and nod, rolling your hips down faster. “She feels really fucking good,” you answer, palming at one of Vi’s breasts. You rub your fingers over her nipple, pinching it softly– eliciting a sweet moan from her lips. 

“Could do this all fuckin’ day,” you continue, grinning down at Vi as you watch her muscles tense beneath you. She uses her strength to help guide your hips, now making eye contact with Caitlyn over your shoulder. 

“Spread your legs, Violet,” you hear her command, and feel the immediate compliance. The movement causes her to shift inside of you slightly, pulling another soft moan from your throat. 

Caitlyn slides her hand between Vi’s legs, thoroughly coating them in the wetness that had already pooled between her thighs. “Already so needy?” she teases, rubbing her fingers over her cunt before sliding two of them inside. 

Vi moans loudly, the feeling causing her hips to stutter in their movements. “Ah– Cait,” she stammers, hips now bucking up into you inconsistently. “What is it? Does it feel good, hm?” she questions, leaning in further. The action causes you to fall onto your forearms, one on either side of her head.  

You press your lips to her lips, locking them together intensely. It’s not long before you detach your lips from hers, moving them down to her jaw and neck. Her thrusts are weaker, but you meet her halfway, bouncing back down into her awaiting lap.

Caitlyn is now three fingers deep inside of Vi, her other hand wrapped around your hip.

“That’s it, baby, you got it. Make yourself feel good,” she praises, curling her fingers further inside of Vi. 

A few minutes later and you hear Vi’s breath hitch, and then a low moan escaping her lips as Caitlyn slides the silicone inside of her. Caitlyn tangles a hand into your hair and yanks your head back firmly, causing you to let out a guttural whimper as she pulls you against her. Your back is arching almost painfully, “Move faster, c’mon,” she whispers, nipping at the cartilage of your ear. She keeps a tight grip in your hair as you pick up your speed, “Yeah, there we go, feels so good doesn’t it?” She coos, craning your head back. 

Her free hand connects with Vi’s thigh as she moves her hips slowly, rolling down into her. “So beautiful, both of you– absolutely radiant,” she mutters, pressing another kiss to your ear, and then your shoulder. 

“Touch yourself, I want you to cum for me,” she encourages, voice raspy and the sentence comes out in subtle pants. You nod at her words, snaking a hand down to your clit. “Fuck, fuck, fuck ah– ah–” you whimper, followed by a blinding orgasm surging through you. You gasp and pant heavily, body and legs tensing with vibrations. Caitlyn wraps an arm around your chest and pulls you back against her, holding you tightly. “There you go baby, there it is, ride it out,” she says, helping coax you down gently from the high. 

Once you’re settled, she helps you pull off of Vi, gently guiding you to the bed. You immediately curl up next to the muscular woman, trailing your hand down to her chest, thumbing over her nipples. You attach your lips to her throat, pulling several moans from her chest. 

She moans loudly, fisting her hands into the sheets. “C’mon baby, I wanna watch your pretty face while you cum,” you murmur, rubbing faster circles over her. “Ngh– I, I–” she stammers, causing Caitlyn to hike her legs over her shoulders and fuck into her harder. Her hands pull Vi’s hips up, angling them higher so that the tip of the silicone rubs against her g-spot. Caitlyn presses their lips together in a sloppy kiss, drinking in all of Vi's moans.

You pull the attached dildo off and push the harness out of your way as much as you can. You rub your fingers over her clit, chuckling into her skin as she lets out a loud, guttural moan. You continue to kiss and suck along the skin of her throat, feeling the vibrations of every moan and whimper ripped from it. 

You feel her hand tangle into your hair as she lets out another chorus of moans and whimpers, “Please, please, please,” she whines. “You can cum, Violet, be good for us,” Caitlyn encourages, pressing soft kisses to the inside of her knee. Vi watches as a searing white light crosses over her eyes and the orgasm wracks through her, clinging onto you tightly. 

The orgasm crashes over her violently, legs tightening around Caitlyn’s neck. Left panting and gasping on her back, Caitlyn continues her ministrations– although a little slower. She gently lowers her legs from her shoulders and back to her waist, continuing to slowly rock her hips. Vi reaches out in overstimulation and attempts to push her hips away, before Caitlyn catches her hands and holds them gently. “I’m almost there, precious, I just need a minute,” she reassures, breathing coming out in rapid gasps as she nears the edge.

You rub a soothing hand up and down Vi’s abdomen, “It’s okay, you can do it, you can do it, baby,” you whisper into her ear, pressing soft kisses to face– successfully wiping the tears from them. 

Caitlyn’s orgasm washes over her intensely, causing her to collapse forward slightly– long hair hanging down. She catches herself on the bed, taking a second to breathe, before pulling away. She sheds the harness from her hips and gently works Vi’s out of hers. 

“I’m gonna go get a washcloth, okay? Will you be okay?” She asks, sliding a hand up both of your legs, soothingly. Once you both give her an affirmative nod, she walks towards the attached bathroom on shaky legs.

As she returns, she slides the damp, soft cloth over your body, pressing soft kisses against your skin. “Did so good for me, my love,” she mumbles, wiping some of the sweat from your forehead. “So, so beautiful,” she adds on, pressing her lips to your forehead. 

Once she retreats from your body, you immediately curl up against Vi, who in turn, wraps her arm around your back. Her other hand comes up to cradle your head gently. Caitlyn repeats the same process of muttering quiet praises and compliments to Vi, you pick up on a quiet, “Such a good girl, hm?” she mumbles, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

When she’s satisfied with Vi’s treatment, you and Vi reach out for her, and Vi takes the cloth from her hand. You both sit up slightly, adjusting to make it easier as you give her the same soft, gentle treatment. You press soft kisses on her abdomen and sternum as Vi swipes the cloth over her flushed skin– successfully cooling her off. “Always make us feel so good, you’re so beautiful,” you say, gently massaging the back of one of her thighs.

As you’re successfully cleaned off and sweat free, you climb beneath the soft, silken blankets. You’re pressed in between both of them, a sandwich that has truly been pulled out of one of your dreams. One of your hands is resting over Cait’s waist, the other laced with Vi’s as her arm is slung over your own. While the positions may not be the most comfortable, they keep all of you happy and satiated. 

taglist:

@tilwehittheheavens @halle5s

[acid-ixx]

— masterlist !

every time i think about my series (again &. again), and the reader's fear towards the color green (or anything associated with damian, their half brother), i think about just how more painful it would be if you share the same features with him that he shares with bruce that amps up the angst element.

it doesn't have to be any major features, it could be small, but noticeable. something that has you reeling in yourself.

maybe it's the shape of your fingers or your brows, the plump of your cheeks, or maybe how your skin flushes the same way his does. maybe it's the way your eyebrows furrow like him, or the quirk of your lips whenever you smile a shadow of his smirk.

it doesn't matter because the more you look, the more you notice.

and the more you remember his glinting, green eyes standing by the arch of your doorway, menacingly watching over your shifting, paranoid body; ready to strike at you like you're prey, ready to eliminate your undeserving presence in the manor.

and of course, it's not a big deal, but for an overthinker like you, someone who's always trying to overcorrect, forcing yourself to not be associated by your family— cutting off every interest, or object, any damn thing that reminds you of them; sharing similarities with appearances, something so intimate, something that could've been just yours, with your youngest brother no less, your tormentor, just makes you want to rip that part of your body to seams.

it inadvertently makes you wish you were never bruce's child, too.

just so you could never see damian in yourself, just so your heart doesn't hasten every time you look in the mirror and find yourself staring at those features for hours. until the image of yourself twists into him, until you're the exact copy of the assassin, of the demon child, of the boy you have to unfortunately call your brother.

and every time you do so, there's a haze fogging inside your head, there's this sickening urge to hurt yourself, to change your appearance even if it's a part of your that cherishes the image of your mother too— if it means taking away the unwanted stems that remind yourself too much of him.

the truth is, you don't hate him, or rather you can't bring yourself to, out of pure, convoluted fear.

you despise the way he makes it feel like there's spiders crawling in the back of your throat, or how your body automatically locks up at the slight mention of his name.

even if you see him as just that, a young boy raised to be corrupted; his youth doesn't disregard the fact that he is the incarnate of danger, the same boy who threatened to end your life at first meeting. whose words cut sharper than blades, whose sword is perched on his back; an unspoken promise to cut more than the skin of your neck if you dare try to fight back.

that even though he's significantly younger, he still holds too much power, enough to destroy your life for something you couldn't even control— your inability to be like them.

you don't hate him, you can't.

but it's easier to hate yourself for it instead.

because if it's so hard to despise him, then it's better to blame yourself for your shortcomings. if you fear looking at yourself, the shadow of your features distorting into damian, then you deserve to feel it.

if your hands find themselves ripping at your hair (the strands, god, the ends of your hair reminds you of the spikes of his, you want to die), then let it hurt you, let it destroy your being until you're nothing but dim, sunken eyes and blood-soaked clothes. let the hatred fester to the point your body transforms into an alien-like appearance just to forget him.

it doesn't register within you just how much you're subjecting yourself to the same tortures you were forced upon in that putrid manor.

the same way you let the torment living in that cage repeat like a cycle, again and again, never truly moving on from your past; a sick narrative you're never escaping from.

after all, you can never run away from the past. it bites you back, with the same, or even stronger force, until all that controls you is fear.

fear that forces you to look in the mirror, stare at yourself, nitpicking every notable feature in your face, in your body, that reminds you of them. fear that's enough to turn you emotional in all your good days, that ruins a happiness you haven't felt for a decade, even more.

fear will always control.

damian will always have control over you, he'll always have the upper-hand.

sometimes, the innocent, young boy you try to find behind the exterior of hatred turns out to be a hideous monster all throughout.

unfortunately, you see that monster in you, too.

a/n: we love complicated relationship dynamics!!! i just woke up and was like, "wait, i have an idea." LMAO. idk half of what i wrote, did i eat with this drabble? maybe. ignore my sudden disappearance sometimes, in another life i'm a hermit crab who hides in its shell probably.

— if i wrote damian here to be too "evil," it's because it's written in the perspective of the reader and their trauma. i don't want him to be this one-dimensional character, he's one of my favorites after all, but i need to establish the relationships and writing drabbles like these help a lot in portraying how they see each other. damian sees you in a different light (you make him weak), and you do too— but both see each other in some twisted perspective of loving each other because you're both still siblings at the end of the day (i'm gonna write more about this too).

[biteyoubiteme]

spilled drinks

taehyun x fem!reader x huening kai

synopsis: your now ex could never get you off, so they show you they can.

warnings: 🔞!!! threesome, fingering, oral (f!rec), sex toys, slight spit kink, double penetration (light mxm because of this) , no protection, creampie(s), overstimulation, subspace mention, bondage, reader called dumb/cockwhore/baby prob forgot some sorry

wc: 2.5k (again me when I lie and say I could do these under 2k)

an: thank you so much for requesting @prince-jjae ! ily but I don't think I got exactly everything you asked for but I tried <333

[m.list] [1kevent m.list]

The tear tracks on your cheeks burn from the frost tinted air. They weren't tears of sadness but pure unadulterated tears of anger. You hadn't even felt them slip until they turned cold, all your emotions bubbling up, the tears a direct reflection of that emotional pot making your skin hot. The dusting of snow in the air only added to the annoyance. Every step had to be watched as you made your way down the street, the dotting of couples and friends splitting up as you walked near, sensing your need to lash out at one bumped shoulder. 

Although you weren't necessarily happy this morning, it was better than this. You could hear your now ex’s voice ringing in your head, that last little line that finally pushed you over the edge to end a relationship long overdue for the guillotine. You had stormed out of his apartment, phone already in hand when you texted the boys that you would in fact be able to make it to drinks.

The invitation was always open for you to join in a moment of changed plans, even ones as big as a breakup. You had sensed the end and felt a need to keep the monotonous relationship like a shirt you wore to summer camp six years ago. It had to be thrown out, but why throw out something that could be useful if you needed it? Even if you weren't spending time with your now ex he could be used as an excuse to get out of something, mostly when your coworkers invited you out for something you didn't want to do. And occasionally the sex was good enough to bring you back, but it was few and far between that you found yourself wanting to spend the night with him. 

It's what started the conversation in the first place, your offer to try something new and his defensiveness that soured your mood. But it wasn’t only about sex, everything just started to come up without you being able to hold it back any longer. And now you’re here, standing at the bar waiting for a drink to calm you down before you went back and ripped your ex apart. 

“You know if you’re sad-“

“I’m not sad,” you cut Kai off, “I’m pissed he probably thinks he came out on top in that argument because I needed to leave before I started breaking things,” 

taehyun chuckled beside you, “You should have broken something. The guy was an asshole,” 

“I don't even want to think about it anymore,” but it's only after the bartender places your drink down in front of you that you speak back up, “No actually if your girlfriend came to you and said ‘Oh the last few times we had sex I didn't finish we should fix that’ you don't just start listing things like she forgot to do the dishes once last month,” 

“He couldn't get you off?” Kai lifts his brow, fully invested in your ranting. His drink is right at his lips when he asks, head tilted in the question. 

“Not really but it wasn't the end all be all, I was willing to work around it and figure it out together, hell I started the conversation about wanting to try new things and yet I was completely shut down,” it's then that someone behind you bumps into your shoulder, the glass in your hand slick from the condensation slips from your hand. 

The sound of the shattering glass is an echoing representation of your inability to keep yourself from lashing out. “Fuck him and his stupid short fingers that he didn't know how to use,” 

“If you had said he couldn't get you off sooner I would have advised you to break up with him a year ago,” taehyun is quick to move you away from the bartender who comes to sweep up the mess made. “It's probably the same reason why you're so crabby right now,” 

“Yeah, I think a few orgasms could fix you right up,” Kai’s gentle giggle calms you down for only a beat. 

“I'm too angry to think about going home alone to my vibrator, the one I specifically bought so that I could use when we had sex and was told repeatedly that it wasn't important to use,”

“I can do most of the work if you wanted,” “I wouldn't mind helping.” you can't even remember who suggested leaving, you remember less the journey back to your apartment. Every fumbling move washed over in a sex-induced haze. 

It wouldn't be the first time any of you had flirted with the idea, not even the first time you had kissed one of them, let alone one after the other. But it was nothing like this. 

It was dizzying to have both of their mouths on you at the same time, kisses all down both sides of your neck, your hands twisting into their hair, moaning when Kai shoved his hand down your pants. His long fingers skillfully work over your now puffy clit. “You’re fucking soaked,” he moans, tongue lapping the trail of bruised marks he's sucked onto your skin. 

“Am I?” It's a stupid question when the sound of your wetness is enough to hear the second he's slipped two fingers into you. Neither of them had ever heard sweeter sounds from you in all your years of friendship. That desperate plea to have them touch you slinked in with every soft whimper escaping your pink kissed lips. 

Taehyun is the one to pull off your top, pushing you back against your bed so that he can have easier access to your chest. His nose follows the center of your body, mouth finding your pebbled nipples and taking slow turns between them. His teeth nip at the sensitive buds, tugging until you're whining, not only from the sensation but from Kai's third finger pushing into you. He's already gotten your pants down, reluctantly pulling away your panties slick with your arousal. 

The duel sensations make it hard to feel anything but pleasure, their hands sliding over your skin, fingers stretching you open, and when Kai gives a tentative kiss to your clit it makes your body jolt alive. Taehyun chuckles, the rumble of it pressed right to the underside of your tit, his task of sucking marks onto your chest forgotten when you sound this good.  

Taehyun pulls away asking, “Where is your vibrator?” 

You almost get a response out, pointing in the direction of the nightstand before Kai wraps his lips around your clit, sucking and rubbing his tongue at an expert pace. Your legs fall open, melting into the mattress as he works your cunt.

The question didn't even fully process in your mind until you saw Taehyun behind Kai, a soft kiss to the head of your vibrator like a taunt. “Just look at you, already getting dumb on nothing but fingers,” your hips rolling down onto Kai's Hand, mewling at the way he curls the digits right against that perfect gummy spot inside you. 

He doesn't even have to work hard for your orgasm to crash down on you, the perfect pressure mixed with his mouth is enough to have you trying to snap your legs closed. Freehand coming up to wrap around your thigh to push your legs open. When Kai finally pulls away his chin is dripping with your release, the back of his hand working it away as he groans, “fuck, you taste so good,” 

You should feel exposed laying out on the bed like this in front of them, both of them just with their shirts off, looking down at your aching cunt, still fluttering around nothing, wishing to be stuffed with one or even both of them. Even just the thought has your hips moving, “please, I need you,” 

“Who first?” Kai asks, but Taehyun is already unbuttoning his jeans with one hand. 

“Me,” he leaves no room for argument, the slight demand going straight to your clit. 

“But I want first,” the both of them are looking at each other like they could spend the next ten minutes arguing, the sound of your soft whines in the background to their stare down. 

You feel so empty after having Kai’s fingers in you, the loss of both of their hands adding to the desperation circling your bloodstream. 

“I want both of you, I need both of you,” your writhing form, drawing them back in, your hand slipping through your folds for only a second before taehyun is quick to push your hand away. 

“do not touch what's mine, If I already have to share you I shouldn’t have to worry about you cumming early on your own fingers,” 

“But you're not doing anything-” it's the last thing you say before he presses the vibrator to your clit, the little clicks made to turn it on ringing in your ears as you let out a squeak, the pressure on your already sensitive clit making your legs snap closed around his arm. His little smile is so teasing as he asks, “What was that? I don't think I heard you,” 

Kai chuckles his belt sliding through the loops of his pants until it's held in fingers he has licked clean. You feel the pressure of your next orgasm coming too fast, the tremble in your legs telling them exactly what they need to know, and you try to push the vibrator away, getting just past the valley of your thighs before Huening grabs your wrists in his hands, stealing both of them away. 

The leather of his belt is warm circling your skin, the tightness of your stomach matching that of your core seconds before you're cumming again. With your wrists now tied and in Kai's hands, you have nothing to hold onto when you arch off the bed, nails digging into his belt, his lips kissing your raised knuckles while you feel a gush of fresh release leave you.“Look at that, I don't think someone who's doing nothing could get you to squirt,” Taehyun teases, pulling away the vibrator from your throbbing clit. 

You're trying to find your voice, stuttering over your words incoherently. It's then that Kai presses a swift kiss to your cheek, “Tell me if you want me to stop baby, I'll take this right off okay?” Your weak nod is answer enough before he pulls you up the bed, slotting himself behind you. Your thighs are a mess, all your slippery slick making him moan. Your back is pressed to his chest, every word spoken felt against your hot skin as you roll your head back on his shoulder. He's Got your bound hands in only one of his, keeping your arms in place while Taehyun tosses him the vibrator before slipping off his pants and leaving his standing before you. 

Even just looking at his leaking cock was making you see stars, Kai’s cock already pressed to your thigh ready and red, begging to push into you at a moment's notice. When Taehyun climbs up on the mattress, knees digging into the sheets, he pushes your legs apart. 

It's only a few seconds but it feels like a lifetime waiting for them both to get their cocks in place, Taehyun using his tip to circle your clit, tracing your folds like he plans to map them out, Kai prodding at your entrance. “Please, it hurts- I want you- I wanna be stuffed full of both of you,” 

Taehyun spits on his fingers, needing as much lube as they can get if they are going to both slip into you. He gives a few loose pumps to his shaft meeting Kai right at your waiting hole. They both go slow as they push in, the stretch already having your eyes roll back in your head, it's unimaginable the way your body is feeling, the slight pressure mixed with the sting of being stretched so well around the both of them not even fully yet just their tips is making your brain short circuit. 

Kais rumbling moans are ringing in your ear, pressed to your back and fanning over your skin. Taehyun wants to take his time, but the second he's in far enough to let his hands fall away from himself and just hold your legs in place is his last straw, he's shoving into your warm walls, filling you out and needing more, the pressure from kai’s cock against his makes it feel like you're perfectly squeezing around him, sucking him in and wanting more. Kai is so still, trying to savor the way you feel around him but when he feels the movement of taehyun picking up his pace he can't help but move too. 

They are uneven in their thrusts, when kai finds himself buried deep inside you, taehyun is only just pulling halfway out. It's a constant mind numbing feeling, being this stretched, this full, it's working over your bones and making you lose all proper thoughts. “Fuck your pussy feels so good baby,” Kai's mouth is hot on your ear when he says it, your legs twitch at the praise. 

“Stretched around us so good and look at how dumb it made you, our little cock whore, I bet you want us both to stuff you with our cum too hum?” 

Your back arches at the insinuation, the new angle making Kai hits your cervix just right, and when taehyun pushes in he's pressed right against your g-spot. “Pl-plea-,” Kai uses his free hand not wrapped around your tied wrists to reach for the vibrator next to him. Your soft pleas turn to sharp yelps as he presses onto your clit. The vibration is enough so that both of them feel it even shoved into you. 

It's maddening to have you clenching so much around the both of them, sucking them in so much so that they can hardly pump in and out of you anymore. Both of them press so deep that when you finally cum it's a rush of pleasure taking over everything in you. Every little sensation building up to this moment as you break apart, the fluttering on your perfect pussy making the both of them moan, taehyun’s hold on your thighs tightening enough to bruise as he finishes, cock pulsing and filling you up only seconds before kai is adding him load into the mix. 

The brain fog you're experiencing slips over your body as Kai clicks off the vibrator. Kais kisses the side of your neck, pepper down over your beating pulse. The weak whimper when Taehyun pulls out follows the jerking of your legs close, still stuffed on Kai and yet missing having them both already. 

Huening unwraps his belt from you, tossing it, and giving you a rest, rubbing one hand on your tummy and the other on your thigh. Taehyun disappears for a second before climbing back into bed with a warm damp washcloth, used to clean up your aching cunt after Kai has pulled out, although not before they both admire the way your body pushes out their combined cream until it pools down to the duvet.

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @seungfl0wer @lunesdesire want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask! and a thank you to my favorite person @hyukascampfire the light of my life, fire in my soul keeping me warm, the one who took the time to proof read/ beta read this for me.

[huellitaa]

genuine confidence vs fake confidence ⊹˚. 👛💬🐧

there is an individual meaning to everything. confidence is one of those things that is so commonly misinterpreted as something painfully contrasting to its actual meaning, and so it is my job to enlighten you guys! and teach what the meaning of true, real confidence, truly, really, is, and how to embody it ♡ 💬🐧🩷

──★ ˙ ̟💭👛 confidence

the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 I. WHAT IS GENUINE CONFIDENCE?

a genuinely confident person...

does not feel the need to broadcast their winnings and achievements. they know that they mean something and they don't need the approval of another to prove that.

does not need the approval of another, full stop. whether its to do something, say something, whatever. sure, maybe they'll ask for it here and there, but they dont need it. they can just as easily do it themselves. its an addition, not a necessity.

can take constructive criticism, because they know themselves and their self image and ego isnt so fragile that they cant handle the slightest bit of prodding and poking at it here and there to mold it into something better. they know its for the best.

can accept their flaws, because they trust and rely on themselves enough to know that it doesn't define them and that they can accept and work on those flaws and mistakes.

knowing change is for the better, no matter what. if you genuinely can rely on yourself, then you will know that no matter what, you will always come out okay, because you have faith in yourself. any change that undergoes your life is always for the best because you have faith in yourself and your life.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 II. WHAT IS FAKE CONFIDENCE?

incessant bragging. as someone with a good amount of confidence in themselves, i LOVE to brag every so often, but constantly talking about it? no.

exaggerating your wins. a truly confident person knows that they win enough to not need exaggeration.

lying about your achievements. if you're confident in yourself, you are confident in your life and your pride and your achievements, so you'd have no reason to lie.

being overly defensive when challenged. cuz why are you so desperate to defend yourself if you're confident that you're right?

inability to admit your own mistakes. this is soo widespread and it bothers me so badly because confident people understand their own mind and know how to control it, which means they also know that mistakes are vital in life, no matter how big or how small.

putting others down to lift yourself up. ew ew ew ew ew all over. a genuinely confident person knows their own worth isn't more than another's.

⊹˚. 🧸 "fake it till you make it" – true or false?

i see many conflicting opinions on whether or not faking confidence can be detrimental to you and / or others or not. honestly, i believe things like this always depend on the person, but i do overall believe in the "fake it till you make it" to an extent. too much of anything is bad for you, and this is just one of those things that you need to be careful with if you tend to get carried away easily.

— not overtly bad, but should not be your only solution! 💬🐈‍⬛️

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 III. HOW TO OBTAIN GENUINE CONFIDENCE?

⊹˚. 💬🧁 1. "faith"

to have faith in something is to have complete trust in that thing. and how is trust built? through experience. think about it. you dont trust something unless you have reason to. why would you have faith in yourself if you have no reason to?

make a sort of portfolio of all the things you can remember that you've done in your life that are worthy of your trust and respect. think of how you'd react if someone else that you love did it. would you trust them for it? apply that to yourself.

🎀🗒 note: this is a method used in many of tam kaur's videos on youtube! i rly recommend her if ur looking 4 confidence.

⊹˚. 🐈‍⬛️💭 2. "rely"

linking back to my former point, to rely on something takes trust and faith. with your newfound knowledge and experience of trust in yourself, you're gonna have to take a leap of faith and trust in your own ability to adapt and survive through ANYTHING. you can withstand everything that is thrown at you. you just need to begin believing that.

⊹˚. 🎀🐧 3. "belief"

your brain does not know reality from what you tell it. this is the very base of so many different mindset shifting techniques and self improvement tactics and such. you literally have to indoctrinate yourself with the belief that you are confident and secure in yourself in a variety of different ways. this can be done through... ♡

♡ make it clear what you want to be confident in, whether its all encompassing or specific

♡ affirmations if thats what ur into

♡ constant saturation & repetition (every day, until you believe it)

♡ create reasons for your belief in your own confidence

♡ go out and create reasons to be confident in yourself

♡ seek out information that aligns with your confidence building (this could be articles, therapy, courses, videos, blog posts like mine; anything that helps YOU)

⊹˚. 💭🎼 4. effect vs goal

confidence is an effect, not a goal.

it is not a sole ideal or ambition you work towards, it is a byproduct of the process of healing as a whole.

what i mean is that you will never obtain genuine confidence if you do not begin to go through the process of healing yourself to begin with, because confidence is a byproduct of this. the security you find in yourself then produces confidence on its own. DO THE WORK.

⊹˚. 👛🧁 5. acting on it

i have been shy and quiet ever since i got into NURSERY (kindergarten for u american folk). i am now one of the most confident people i know. and despite having done all of the previous steps, none of them would have mattered IF I DIDNT PUT IT INTO ACTION.

the most important step you can possibly take to obtain genuine confidence is actually doing the thing. DO THE THING. wear the thing you're scared to wear, do the thing you have no one to go with, go outside alone on spontaneous adventures despite your fear of other peoples opinions and whatever else might be hindering you. DO THE THING. life is nothing if not a risk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♡

wishing you all the love and light in the world... ♡

all my love! 🎀💬🐈‍⬛️🫶🏻🩷

[blueberrymocha]

lying to them *ೃ༄

┌──────────────────────────────────────┐

ׂ╰┈➤ fluff/angst

➣ characters: gon, killua, kurapika, leorio, hisoka, illumi, chrollo

➣ word count: x

└──────────────────────┘

scenario:

“you’re home late, where’ve you been?”

———————————————————————————————————————

gon

- he doesn’t realize at all because even if he does, he’ll tell himself he’s got it wrong

- sees you as too good to lie to him

“you meant to say x right?“

- his absolute trust in you would compel you to come clean then and there

- part of him is upset that you’d lie, but he tries his best to remain calm

- if you’re willing to have a reasonable discussion about it, so is he

- but if you argue, play dumb, or act dismissive, it’d quickly turn into a full blown fight

- honesty is important to him, so while he appreciates your confession

- the fact that you lied in the first place would make him reconsider his boundaries and your relationship

killua

- he wouldn’t notice if it were a small detail

- besides he doesn’t feel like he needs to be on guard around you, analyzing every word

- he’d probably catch you in a lie after absentmindedly asking you a question later and noticing your answer changed

“did you see the limited edition chocolate robot while you were there?”

…

“i thought you said you were at the candy store?”

- he becomes a lot more assertive and firm as he questions you, a glare on his face if you brush it off

- whatever the reason was, he’ll distance himself from you for a day or so

- the idea of you hiding god knows what from him would totally piss him off

- he won’t be mad forever, but for now, it’s probably better you give him space

kurapika

- is inclined to believe you, but pays enough attention that if the story didn’t add up, he’d notice

- and he’d point out any inconsistencies, being upfront about it

“isn’t that friend out of town?

…

“you weren’t with them, were you?”

- his mind would probably fill with doubts and insecurities

- thoughts of infidelity springing to the front of his mind

- he would never be brash or demand answers, though

- if something did happen, his priority is fixing it

- he knows he can be unavailable, so would give you the opportunity to have a real talk with him

- are you unhappy with how things are? was it just a white lie?

- eventually, the problem would be resolved,

- but he makes it very clear he won’t tolerate lying in the future

leorio

- he wouldn’t notice, too tired from school to pay your words much mind

- it’d just be normal routine for you, and honestly, he might not ever find out

- even when he’s fully awake, he simply isn’t all that attentive

- if you decide to tell him, i think he’d be a lot calmer than you might expect

- of course, he’d still be mad, but the most he’d do is raise his voice and argue

- he’s also not the type to storm out, at least until he has clarity about the situation

- if the lie was innocent enough, he’ll be a bit ticked off for the rest of the night, but nothing more

- if it was something bigger, he’d ask for space, not wanting to let his rashness make him do something he’ll regret later

- he’d definitely try to mitigate his response because he does appreciate you coming clean to him

- even if it doesn’t absolve you of the consequences

hisoka

- he notices quickly, he’s an expert at lying after all

- if it’s a good attempt, he’d humor you; playing along, even asking follow up questions and pretending to be fooled

- he sees this all as a game after all

- but eventually, once he’s given the prospect of you lying a little more thought

- he’s a lot less playful, calling you out directly and demanding the truth

- it’s fun when he’s merely amused by your inability to lie

- but at heart, he’s possessive, and the idea that you’re trying to hide an affair irritates him more than he himself understands

- and if it truly was another person you were with, he’d 100% retaliate by killing them

- as for you? he’s content to let you off that hook at that point, warning you not to deceive him again

illumi

- as much of a mastermind he seems to be, social cues elude him completely

- in his eyes, you’re his partner, someone he’d never have reason to doubt

- if you never tell him, you’re free to go on with your day

- but make no mistake, he’s far from dumb

- if there’s a gaping inaccuracy in your words, he’ll immediately accuse you of lying

(e.g. saying you were with someone he himself was with)

- at that point, there’s nothing you can say to get out of this even if you correct yourself

- it’d start an argument, and in the end, he’d be more controlling

- your location? he’d track it at all times

- hanging out your friends? you’d have to ask him first

- and if they’re male, it’ll always be a ‘no’

chrollo

- so there’s no way to lie to him, he’ll catch on immediately

- he’s mastered every aspect of the social scene

- his typical patience is replaced by an eerie calmness as he questions whatever statement you made

- if you come clean at that point and explain yourself

- and he finds it valid enough, he’ll get over it; firmly telling you he won’t be so forgiving next time

- keep lying to him though, and he won’t hesitate to use manipulation tactics on you

- eg. ignoring you, threatening you or whoever he suspects you were with, guilt tripping..

- if you’d grown to see him as an understanding, misunderstood lover, his behavior would extinguish your perception quickly

- once you do confess, he’ll be more distant for the next day or so

- though if you asked him?

“i’m not mad, just disappointed.”

[echo-exco]

GRAAAAAH⁉️ HELP‼️ You wrote such a masterpiece, I'm already so HYPED for the next chapter ONG.

With the batfamily's personal agenda and inability to reach out, their past forever haunting them.

I imagine that the realization that their present, where they actively ( idk if intentionally ) ignore the reader, now "past", will haunt them forever.

Especially Bruce's reaction, his internal struggle with the fact that if he was just a little bit warmer, the chaos caused by the future villain who used to be under his roof, could've been prevented.

Question tho, how would they all eventually turn yandere? They seem to have all never interacted before, so I can't see them suddenly feeling the need to be there for the reader. Either it would be self-righteous beliefs or they'd just think she overreacted. ( bring in the angst LMAO )

— "BEEDALEAF." 🥬

Aww! Thank you so much! I’m really glad that what I wrote was good for you, the readers 😌 I also hope to bring the next chapter soon!

The batfam has their own problems and responsibilities to deal with. Even healer!reader is aware of that, which is why she tries to avoid bothering them with her needs, whether emotional, intellectual, educational, social, or even sometimes financial.

Healer!reader has always been able to take care of herself, with or without a family. What truly affects her is the fact that she can’t use her powers while in Gotham, out of fear that someone from the batfam might find out.

Now, no one in the batfam ever intended to ignore healer!reader on purpose. Some of them might even think they never ignored her. It’s just that everyone assumed she probably had something else to do—or they simply forgot about the requests and questions she had made.

Because, for better or worse, the batfam sees healer!reader as too… ordinary for the family.

Since no one knows (yet 😼) that healer!reader has extraordinary healing abilities, they genuinely believe she’s just the most normal and average daughter of Bruce Wayne.

As for Bruce, he’s definitely going to regret everything. Healer!reader’s future doesn’t look very warm or pleasant for anyone involved.

If only she had had a father, someone to remember, someone she could trust and feel safe with… would that have changed anything? Would she have stayed?

Does Bruce even know his own daughter?

I can’t say healer!reader will be a villain in the future, but she definitely won’t be a hero either. Just think of her as, quite literally, a “human machine made to save thousands of lives.” Of course, depending on your point of view, you could see healer!reader as either a villain or a hero…

As for how they’ll all eventually become yanderes… Well, I like to think the yandere instincts were already there, buried deep inside. They just needed a (massive) little push to finally activate.

Like I said before, they all believed healer!reader was just a very “normal” child for the family. No one ever bothered to look past that.

That’s partially why they kept their distance from her… as if they genuinely thought she’d be better off not getting involved in family matters. Because, to them, healer!reader is someone who hasn’t seen the worst of the world yet, someone who hasn’t been through anything truly traumatic.

They think she’s better off where she is. They believe that way she’ll be safe from everything bad.

And to be fair, healer!reader herself wouldn’t have let anyone dig too deep into who she really is.

She doesn’t want the batfam to know her. She just wants to leave Gotham and go back to the medical field with Masashi. Healer!reader wants to use her powers. Being in the mansion makes her feel restrained and useless. She doesn’t like being there.

She can endure the neglect— it’s something she’s always survived through. What she can’t handle is the thought of not knowing when she’ll be able to use her powers again.

So you can imagine what’ll happen in the future when the Batfam finally learns about healer!reader’s powers. That revelation is going to hit them hard—with guilt, with regret.

I can absolutely picture them noticing healer!reader’s disappearance and brushing it off as a typical tantrum from a child (even if they don’t understand why she’d act that way). But as time goes on and she gives no sign of life… well… that’s when the first alarms start to go off.

And of course, we still have to see Duke and how his presence will affect healer!reader.

Sorry if the response was a bit long. I just hope it cleared up all your doubts.

[girlbossvicvega]

my take is matt and foggy’s relationship goes so hard in the original show because they unconditionally love each other but at the same time they do not understand each other at all. they need each other to balance out their worse traits but neither really sees the other’s issue with them as a flaw

matt lies to his loved ones, makes frequent poor and self-flagellating decisions, and then refuses to change his worldview about this despite people telling him it’s hurting them, because he thinks he knows better than them (catholic), but also because he knows every sin being committed in a five mile radius and has the means to do something about it. he is ashamed of the fact that he cannot stop all of the horrible things he is a forced witness to and so he fundamentally does not understand why foggy gets so angry about him putting himself on the line for foggy and others. it’s because he cares about you dumbass

foggy on the other hand does not live in a nightmare hell world where he can hear everyone suffering or have a hilariously tragic backstory warping his worldview into a self-sacrificing one, he just sees his best friend who he cares deeply about be exceptionally cavalier about getting hurt over and over again. he blames himself for enabling matt to get himself seriously injured, he (rightfully) worries about matt’s mental state and feels like he’s the only one actually giving a shit about matt’s safety, and because of the helplessness he feels at his inability to stop matt these worries and fears come out in an extremely understandable but selfish mentality where the law always prevails, the system would work all the time if matt would just stop fucking around with the breaking bones shit. foggy. foggy. i hate to break it to you but you are in a the law doesn’t always work sometimes you need to break bones show

[gay-dorito-dust]

hiii can u plssss make headcanon for mr scarletella w a reader whos very stern or careless? Like, you can NAWT make jokes or make a conversation with this person because even if u text them its either: 1) they reply a year later or 2) they just send a ❤️ Reaction to your text. Like reader can not turn their frown upside down at all…

I hope this is what you wanted.

He finds your stern nature intriguing and appealing to him. Very appealing to him to say the least.

Does this sternness and Inability to smile and or laugh at a simple joke hinder his attraction? Does it fuck, he’s still very much interested in you to an obsessive and dangerously delusional level.

If anything Mr Scarletella enjoys filling the air with his one voice, telling you of his obsession with you and you’re not saying anything in response, only giving him a sideways glance, so that must mean you reciprocated them right? Right?!

He’d most likely talk your ear off and you can do nothing but listen to him, praying that you can at some point tune him out or something, knowing that Mr Scarletella would just follow you closely like a puppy dog. There was no true escape from this man and he’s too delusional and inside his own head to give you any breathable space.

Mr Scarletella would often keep asking you ‘you like me?’ And all he’d get was either a shrug or a grunt. Not having been much of a conversationalist as most people found your nature off putting and so they just avoid you all together.

Not Mr Scarlettella though, he was convinced that the grunts and shrugs were full sentences, thriving off of the idea that you’d only grunt and shrug towards him while giving everyone else a stoney stare or nothing at all. He genuinely believed that and it was terrifying to think of the implications of what he’d do if he believed someone else thought similar to him.

Death essentially but we all knew that. The man is not exactly stable in any sense of the word.

You don’t even bat so much of an eyelid when he gets up close and personal to your face, giggling like a lovesick school boy as his eyes darted across your face, taking in all the details and features you possessed that were uniquely yours and yours alone. Giving himself all the more delusional fantasies of you acting extremely out of character and clinging onto him, demanding for affection and so forth.

He’s most likely the type to fall for an idea of an person and if they act outside of what he believes them to be, he’ll either deny it as he tries to rewrite the image he has of you to better suit his fantasies, not wanting to think about how his false reality of the truth could easily make him even more unhinged.

Seriously the idea of someone not living up to his expectations that he’s made up is a thought you didn’t want to think about too deeply, especially with not how eager he is to kill for you, and instead remain truthful to yourself and keep an eye on him in case something happens.

Since your stern persona and people’s inability to make conversations or jokes with you, Mr Scarletella would find this more easier as he didn’t have to worry about someone taking you away from him. You were his and his alone and he had your nearly unapproachable expressions to thank for.

No competition for your heart? No worries for him as it meant he could cling onto you, continuing to ask whether you liked/ loved him throughout the day while kissing your face and pulling back in hopes of seeing if any change in your expression.

There wasn’t and Mr Scarletella hasn’t fallen for you harder then he already did.

[itertarot]

TAROT | FUTURE SPOUSE

What are your future spouse flaws/weaknesses?

Choose an image:

Pile 1:

I’ve noticed more than one weaknesses here, so of course, this won’t apply to everyone, so please be mindful of that.

For some of you, your person may struggle with depression. For them, even waking up and getting out of bed can feel incredibly difficult. They might spend excessive time isolated in their rooms, neglecting real life, which means opportunities slip away, not by choice, but because their body or mind won’t cooperate. It could even be tied to a physical or chronic illness.

For others, this person might have ADHD (it was the first thing I picked up on). They could be easily distracted, lost in their own minds in a pathological way. Some may indulge impulsively like spending too much, drinking, making poorly thought out decisions that lead to bigger problems. Also, they could indulge in partying, hyper-fixating on hobbies, etc. It's like they can't really control their minds and impulsiveness, they suffer because of it.

Then there are those who aren’t physically or mentally ill but are simply very slow paced. They take their time, plan for the long term, and avoid quick decisions, preferring to overanalyze. And why is this a problem? Because they spend so much time deliberating that they miss opportunities by never taking action.

Will they overcome it?

I see that through marriage, the feminine energy in their life will remind them to strive for better. Just by witnessing this energy, they’ll feel motivated to become the partner their loved one deserves. They’ll try. but it will always be a battle. They may never be fully healed, but they’ll do their best to keep things under control. Their mother might also have been the one who taught them how to cope.

Pile 2:

I feel like your person was a big "romantic" in the past. For some of you, they were genuine fuckboys (whatever their gender). They were all about fun, chasing thrills, and proving to themselves they could win someone over. Lots of one night stands here. For others, they really thought they were in love, but they were the type to fall for a new person every week. really emotionally immature. Now, I see them letting go of that. They realize this behavior leads nowhere, just pain and shallow connections. They’re tired of it and are actively trying to heal. They might even take a break from relationships to figure themselves out.

Will they overcome it?

When they’re with you, they’ll focus only on you. They’ll go out of their way to reassure you that you’re the one, and they’ll be deeply romantic. But their past will cause some hurt in your relationship. It’s not something they’re proud of, and they’ll carry guilt or shame around it. Growth is messy, but they’re trying.

Pile 3:

This person carries a heavy weight from their past involving dishonesty, whether they were the one betrayed or the one who did the betraying. That chapter of their lives left deep scars, a reminder of pain they caused or endured. But they choose to change. They’ve fought hard to grow, to leave that version of themselves behind. The impulsivity, the reckless choices, the inability to walk away from temptation, they’ve worked to bury those instincts. Now, they’re more measured, more self-aware. I feel like it is a subject that they are very shameful about, they could feel guilty about have cheated or for trusting so hard in someone who stabbed them on the back.

Now they might be quick to argue, always braced for conflict as if expecting betrayal. Feeling like an outsider, they sometimes misinterpret words or actions as personal slights, lots of defensiveness on their side. Patience isn’t their strong suit, long term planning is something they are not good with. They are more of an "act now and think later". And teamwork? It’s a struggle. So expect someone who is used to be alone, someone with great difficulty to hear someone else thoughts, someone who is used to be on defensive.

Will they overcome it?

II won’t say they’ll overcome those problems. They might use all their strength to try, but they won’t be able to hold themselves back. They really hate feeling imprisoned and stuck, it’s just not who they are. So they will still have some level of impulsiveness in them.

Pile 4:

This person’s energy is very similar to Pile #3. Stubborn, carrying the weight of a betrayal (not as the one who betrayed, but as the one who was hurt). They’re stuck in the past in a strange way, physically moving forward, yet mentally trapped in what’s already happened. It’s also like they’re searching for the one, their destined soulmate to build a beautiful, lasting future with. They’re likely a workaholic, the kind who becomes completely consumed by their ambitions. Once they fixate on a goal, they won’t stop until they achieve it, no matter what. Strong "Everything is fair in love and war" vibes here, but they take it to all areas of their life. They’ll fight tooth and nail to get where they need to be, refusing to back down. Arguments with them can be tough because they rarely pause to listen. Instead, they instantly go on the defensive.

For some of you, this person struggles to balance work and love.

Will they overcome it?

Yes, they will have a wake up call. You could be their soulmate. They will have to take their things together, and for sure, this person will change totally. They will be much better, not only for you but for themselves. There are a lot of mature vibes from them, but also what I get is that maybe something really bad will happen for them to change. Maybe you both part ways for some time, or they think they will lose you, or just anything that they were not expecting will happen. and they will finally realize what they are doing with their lives.