#and then I'll get like. moments of clarity? where I realize 'wait I don't need to worry about this wtf'

[v-iv-rusty]

well. I feel slightly better now at least

[kookie-doughs]

Again And Again

Portgas D Ace X Reader

-Amatsuki Y/N decided to stay in the future without her sister upon meeting a friend’s son.

Chapter 8: Remember

As the ship arrives at Marineford, you find yourself amidst the chaos of the aftermath of the attack between Whitebeard and Aokiji that resulted in the frozen tsunami wave trapping the warship.

As the ship comes to a halt atop the frozen tsunami by Aokiji's attack, you quickly assess the situation. Knowing that time is of the essence, you decide to get off the ship to examine any potential means of escape. The battlefield is filled with chaos, and the urgency of the situation is palpable. Jinbe and Crocodile looks around as well.

As you step onto the frozen wave, you search for any way to navigate through the perilous terrain. The icy surface makes it challenging to move, but you remain focused on finding a path forward.

In the midst of the chaos, the Den Den Mushi within the warship you rode with suddenly starts to ring, catching attention everyone's attention.

"Calling all ships and troops. Our target is sit TOTTZ. Change formation and initiate Operation three. Make haste with preparation. Once preparation are complete, we'll push the schedule forward and execute Ace! Over."

As you hear the chilling message from the Den Den Mushi, a sense of dread washes over you. The urgency of the situation hits you like a tidal wave, and you feel lost, as if the whole world has crumbled around you. Shock sets in as you process the gravity of what's about to happen – Ace's life is in immediate danger, and you need to act fast.

"Y/N, come on we need to hurry." Jinbe urges, but the shock keeps you rooted to the spot for a moment.

Luffy's determined voice breaks through the haze, pulling you back to the present. "We won't let them kill Ace!" he declares, his eyes burning with resolve.

His words snap you out of your stupor, and a fierce determination wells up inside you. Time is of the essence, and you can't afford to hesitate.

"Come on, you can do this," you tell yourself, shaking off the shock and rallying your strength.

"We'll rescue Ace, no matter what it takes!" you say to your group, the fierce resolve in your eyes.

They each began to figure out a way to get to the battlefield. Listing off possible ways.

"We don't have time for that." You say solemnly. You look down onto the on going chaos at the bottom. "Hey you guys."

They turn to you as you called for their attention. You pull your sword from the sheath.

"Hold on." You warn as you cut the ice that held the ship down. With a swift and decisive strike, the ship breaks free from the frozen tsunami.

As the ship begins to plummet down, panic ensues among everyone on board. The sudden drop catches everyone off guard, and shouts of alarm fill the air. The chaotic scene perilous situation you all find yourselves in, caught the attention of everyone on the battlefield.

"We're all going to die!!!" Cry Buggy.

"Oh wait! I'm made of rubber! I'll be fine!" Luffy says.

Your eyes quickly scan the battlefield, searching for important figures. Taking note of where each and everyone was. Your heart pounds in your chest as you desperately look for Marco. The urgency of the situation propels you into action, and you raise your voice to call out for his attention, even as you continue to descend from the sky.

"Marco!" you yell, your voice carrying over the tumultuous noise of the battlefield.

Your eyes lock onto his figure amidst the field, and you wave your hand frantically, trying to catch his attention. Time seems to slow down as you freefall towards the ground, but you can't afford to waste a moment.

Marco's head turns in the direction of your voice, and his gaze finds you. Recognition flashes in his eyes, and he quickly assesses the situation.

"Y/N!" he calls back, his voice projecting with clarity. "I see you!"

Relief washes over you as you realize that he heard you. Your trust in Marco. You know that you can count on him.

As Marco quickly processes the urgency behind your call, he wastes no time. Activating the power of his fruit, Marco's body ignites with brilliant blue flames, and his large wings unfurl. With a powerful flap, he takes to the air, soaring towards your falling position.

The sight of Marco flying towards you, took a turn in favor of the Whitebeard pirates.

"Y/N'S HERE!!!!" Was the cheer that erupted from your crew.

With a gentle yet precise maneuver, Marco aligns himself beneath you, catching you. As your feet make contact with his broad back, you hold on tightly, feeling the warmth of his flames enveloping you in a protective embrace.

"SAVE US TOO!!!" Cry Buggy's crew.

"Are you alright?" Marco asks, concern evident in his eyes as he glances back at you while maintaining his steady flight.

You nod, grateful for his swift response and assistance. "Thank you, Marco. C'mon get down fast I need to make a landing spot for them."

You land safely on the ground amidst the chaos of the battlefield. Thinking quickly, you draw your sword and swing it with precision, creating a large cleared area for your allies to safely land. The ice beneath you splits apart, forming a landing zone that was water.

"Jinbe! Take care of the others!!"

The impact is jarring as they plunge into the sea, and for a moment you notice that some of them are struggling in the water due to their Devil Fruit abilities. Just as concern starts to rise, Jinbe, comes to the rescue.

With Jinbe's help, everyone makes it safely to the nearby shore. As you all regroup and catch your breath, the ongoing battle remains a fierce backdrop to your mission to save Ace.

You glance towards the direction of the platform where Ace is being held, the center of the conflict, looking helplessly at your group. His expression is a mix of surprise and despair, seeing you and your group. Your heart clenches at the sight, and you're filled with a renewed determination to reach him.

"ACE!!!" Luffy yells from beside you.

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU!!!!" you exclaimed, your voice breaking carrying so many emotions.

Ace looks between you and Luffy, the turmoil in his heart evident. He knows that you both care deeply for him, but he also knows the dangers that lie ahead. The gravity of the situation and the sacrifices made on his behalf are not lost on him.

"Y/N!! LUFFY!!!!!"

As the crowd assess the battle and your group. Your eyes lock with Ace.

"We've come to save you!" Luffy says, laced with determination.

"Is this the brother Ace is always talking about?" Marco asks from beside you.

You smile, "Yeah."

~

"Fire Fist Ace... Is now free!!!!" Was what the battlefield had echoed.

The reunion between Luffy and Ace is a moment of triumph in the midst of the chaos at Marineford.

As the battle rages on at Marineford, Luffy and Ace fight with all their might, pushing through the chaos and the powerful enemies in their way. Together, they forge a path to safety, determined to escape the clutches of the Marines and make it out of the war alive.

As the chaos and battles continued to rage around you at Marineford, you found yourself standing still, unable to move or react. The sight of Ace, running to you, was overwhelming. The gravity of the moment and the realization that you had finally gotten to him left you in a state of shock.

But now, in the present, everything had changed. Ace had been through so much, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions—relief at finding him, guilt for not being there sooner, and sorrow for all the pain he had endured.

"Ace..." you finally managed to whisper, your voice filled with a mix of emotions.

You swiftly took down enemies on your way, running to Ace. The memories of your shared past, and the deep bond you once had flooded your mind. It was as if time had rewound, and you were transported back to those cherished moments.

You succeeded. You saved him.

As you finally closed the distance between you and Ace, the overwhelming emotions that had been building inside you burst forth uncontrollably. Without a second thought, you leaped into his arms, holding onto him tightly, and tears streamed down your cheeks.

"Ace... I finally got to you," you sobbed, your voice choked with relief and pent-up emotions.

Ace wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close in a comforting embrace. He could feel your heartache and the weight of everything you had been through to find him. In that moment, words were unnecessary; the bond between you said it all.

"Ace... I... I thought I was going to lose you," you managed to say between sobs, your voice choked with emotion.

Ace wipes away your tear. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere," he reassured you softly.

The chaos of the battlefield seemed to fade away as you clung to Ace, seeking solace in his presence. He was holding you, you were holding him. History did not repeat. Being reunited with him filled you with a sense of hope and warmth that you hadn't felt in a long time.

But even amidst the comfort of the reunion, the reality of the situation remained. The war at Marineford was far from over, and the dangers were still very real. With a deep breath, you slowly pulled away from Ace, wiping the tears from your eyes.

"We need to get out of here," you said, your voice determined. "We'll find a way to keep you safe, Ace, I promise."

Ace nodded, a fierce determination in his eyes. "We'll get through this together, just like old times."

"Clear the way so they can get away!!!" Haruta orders.

With Ace by your side once again, a newfound strength surged through your veins. The power of your emotions, the sheer determination to protect him ignited a blaze within you. As you ran through the chaos of Marineford, your swipes and attacks became more potent and precise, clearing a path ahead for you and your companions.

With every strike of your sword, the enemies were thrown back, and obstacles were effortlessly overcome. The fear and panic that had gripped your heart earlier were now replaced by a sense of fierce resolve. You knew that as long as you had Ace by your side, you could face anything that came your way. The enemies that dared to stand in your path quickly learned the folly of challenging you.

As the battle of Marineford reached its climax, the mighty Whitebeard, with wounds from countless enemies, stood tall and resolute.

"Enough!" Whitebeard's booming voice echoes through the battlefield. "There is no need for us to keep fighting here!"

"Old man...?" Your speed reduces as you try to look at what he was up to.

"Listen carefully, Whitebeard Pirates. I'm going to give you all my final order as your captain!"

Hearing this, you stop on your tracks.

"H-Hey what the hell do you fucking mean?" Your voice trembled.

"Pops!" Ace calls beside you.

"It is time for us to part ways! Everyone, survive at any cost and return to the New World safely!"

"What the hell are you saying?! Edward!!" You call out. You prepared yourself about to jump to him only for Marco to stop you.

"Y/N!" He bites his lip down.

"Marco what are you doing?!"

Edward smirks, "I am a relic of a bygone era! There is no ship that can carry me into the new age! Escape from here, everyone!"

Edward's words hit you like a tidal wave, and your heart aches at the realization of his intentions. His smirk, although filled with determination, also carries a sense of resignation. You knew that he had fought tirelessly for his beliefs, but the world around him had changed, and he believed there was no place for him in the new age.

As he release a devastating quake, you feel a pang of helplessness. Anger surges through you, intertwined with a deep sense of sorrow. Seeing him facing his own destiny and making sacrifices for the crew reminds you of Roger.

It's as if he's come to terms with his fate, just as Roger had done all those years ago. And it angers you because you don't want to experience that same sense of loss and helplessness again. While you understand his reasons and the weight of his sacrifice, you can't bring yourself to follow his orders blindly. You can't simply abandon him to his fate, knowing the inevitable outcome that awaits him.

Instead, you make a difficult decision. Ignoring Marco, you rush towards him, determined to stay by his side until the very end. The chaos of the battlefield surrounds you, but your focus is solely on reaching Whitebeard.

"Y/N!!!" Ace calls for you.

But you press on, driven by an unyielding sense of loyalty and respect for the man who once carried you on his ship.

"Ace, I'll follow you behind! Go ahead!" you yell, hoping your voice reaches him amidst the turmoil.

He glances back at you, uncertainty in his eyes, but he nods in understanding. He knows you well enough to trust that you'll keep your promise. He glances back at you, uncertainty in his eyes, but he nods in understanding. He knows you well enough to trust that you'll keep your promise.

Whitebeard's anger at your defiance is evident in his stern gaze and furrowed brow. He had given you a clear order to escape and leave him behind, but you chose to stay by his side, putting yourself in danger. As your captain, he feels responsible for your well-being, and your actions have undoubtedly angered him.

"I told you to go!" he booms, his voice carrying a mix of frustration and concern. "Why won't you listen to me?"

You meet his gaze with determination, trying to convey your own reasons for staying. "I am not going to lose anyone today, Edward," you reply firmly. "Especially not my captain."

For a moment, his anger seems to waver, replaced by a hint of sadness. He remembers your reason of fighting. As the chaos of battle surrounds you, he looks at you with a mix of pride and regret.

"You're a stubborn one," he grumbles, his anger softening slightly. Looking behind him seeing Ace run, "Do you think he was happy with me as his father...?"

You follow his eyes, "Of course he was."

Whitebeard sighs heavily, a hint of frustration lingers. "Get ready, don't think I won't be keeping an eye on you. If things get too dangerous, you better get out of there."

Amidst the chaos and destruction of your own battle, you catch glimpses of Ace and the others, running. You feel a surge of calmness knowing that they are closer to safety.

But whilst you were distracted Akainu slips past you and Whitebeard, you immediately sense the danger he poses to Ace. Despite being busy keeping the other marines and admirals at bay, you can't let him reach them.

Akainu's tactics are cunning; instead of attacking directly, he tries to rile Ace up by insulting both you and Whitebeard. His words are meant to provoke a reaction, to distract Ace and make him lose focus in the midst of the battle.

"Ace, don't let him get to you!" you hear Marco call out.

A sudden explosion echoed behind you, snapping your attention to its source. As you turned, your heart sank at the sight that greeted you – Ace was lying on the ground. With Akainu towering over him.

"ACE?!!" You call out. You see him struggle to get on his knees.

In a desperate attempt to protect his brother, Luffy tried to move forward but collapsed to his knees, drained of all his energy. Akainu, seeing an opportunity, set his sights on Luffy, ready to strike. But before he could deliver the fatal blow, Ace acted swiftly, using his own body as a shield to block the attack. The impact of Akainu's attack sent shockwaves through the battlefield, and Ace's sacrifice left everyone stunned and horrified. The air was thick with tension as the gravity of the situation sank in, and you could only watch in heart-wrenching silence as the events unfolded before you. The world around you seemed to stand still as you froze in shock and disbelief.

As you stared at Ace, your heart felt heavy, and a chilling silence enveloped your surroundings. The chaotic battle around you seemed to fade into the background, leaving you in a state of numbness. The world seemed to move in slow motion, and all you could hear was the faint thumping of your own heart, as if it were the only sound in existence.

As the reality of the situation sank in, tears welled up in your eyes, and a deep ache settled in your chest.

As you watched Ace fall to his knees and rest on Luffy, barely clinging to life, a surge of desperation coursed through you. The world seemed to blur as you ran towards them, your legs moving as if driven by an unseen force. Each step felt heavy, as if you were carrying the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. Your heart pounded in your chest, the sound echoing in your ears, drowning out the chaos around you. Time seemed to slow down, every second feeling like an eternity. The distance between you and Ace felt like an insurmountable chasm, and you pushed yourself harder, willing yourself to reach him faster.

As you finally reached Ace's side, you fell to your knees, your hands trembling as you tried to steady yourself. Looking at Ace you felt a sense of helplessness wash over you. There was so much you wanted to say, so much you wanted to do to save him, but it was as if your words were lost in the sea of emotions crashing within you.

"H-Hey, are you all right? Hey..." You hear Luffy call. "Ace, you need to get treated right away!"

"I'm sorry..." Ace whispers.

"Stay with us, Ace," you pleaded, your voice cracking with emotion. "Please, don't leave me."

"You've both... done so much to save me... But I won't make it out of here... I'm sorry."

"Don't say that..." You begged. You crawl behind Luffy to get a view of his face.

"Don't be ridiculous! Please! Somebody treat him!! Please help Ace!! Please!!"

As one of the doctors in the Whitebeard pirates run to your aid. He takes a step back upon seeing his wounds.

"H-Hey Hublot, w-why aren't you doing anything?? I-Is this something y-you can't help with?? M-Marco, call for Marco!"

"Y/N, stop. It's no use. I won't last long... I can tell, my life is ending..."

"Ace... what are you saying?" Luffy's voice cracked. "Are you going to die...? Y-You promised me... that you'd never die... no matter what, Ace!"

"I would've given up a long time ago... if it weren't for Sabo and a high-maintenance brother like you." He paused. "If you ever see Dadan again... can you give her my regards?"

"Ace stop it... Don't say that you're gonna die. Please." You sobbed. You held his cheek.

"You know... there' is something's two thing... that makes me want to stay..."

"Then stay... C'mon... Ace..." Your lips tremble.

"Y/N, I'm sorry... can you please... complete one of them for me?"

"Complete it yourself!" Luffy begs.

"In my life... I have only one regret." As Ace looked at you, the light in his eyes slowly fading. "I wish I've loved you sooner. I wish... I wish I could stay longer to show you... how much I love you."

As a slowly and heavily leaned into your hand that stayed on your cheek. "I've realized that what I really wanted... wasn't fame. Did I deserve to be born? I wanted to know the answer to that question. I'm not able to shout loudly enough for everyone to hear me anymore... could you tell them... the words I'm about to say... I've always been such a hopeless person... Thank you... for loving me."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you whispered, "Ace... I love you, so much."

His lips curved into a gentle smile, and as the light in his eyes faded completely, his final expression remained one of peace and contentment.

As Ace's lifeless body collapsed into Luffy's arms, you both stared in disbelief, desperately calling for him to wake up. But the reality of his passing started to sink in, and a gut-wrenching sob escaped from Luffy's lips, echoing across the battlefield.

Tears streamed down your face.

The chaos of the war seemed to fade away, leaving only a profound sense of loss and grief. Luffy's cries echoed in your ears, and you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close as you both mourned. As Luffy's devastation and exhaustion set on him, he passes out.

You stare aimlessly at the brothers that was around you. Your mind was blank as you slowly get up.

Everyone that fought for Ace were grieving. Marco himself was grieving, but seeing you. He knew something was wrong.

"Y/N!" He calls you out, but all fell to deaf ears.

As the grief inside you turned into anger, a seething rage began to consume your being. The weight of loss was replaced by a burning desire for vengeance. The bloodlust within you surged, and the sight of the battlefield before you only fueled your fury.

The faces of those responsible flashed before your eyes, and your grip on your weapon tightened. The anger that overwhelmed you was primal, raw, and all-consuming.

In that moment, you felt an overwhelming urge to make them pay, to make them suffer for what they had done. The enemy became faceless, nameless, mere symbols of the injustice that had taken Ace away from you.

Fueled by a mix of grief and determination, you launch a powerful attack. Each strike carries the weight of your emotions, channeling your anger into every blow. Exuding haki that the entire battlefield could feel.

Your enemies are taken aback by the intensity of your assault, and some even falter in the face of your unyielding resolve. The bloodlust within you fuels your strength, but you also find yourself drawing upon the memories of the moments you shared with Ace, his laughter, his smiles, and the bond you had lost.

"AKAINU!!!" Your gut wrenching scream heard by everyone. Everyone moved away form your path to him.

"Y/N!" Edward calls for you.

With a primal scream, you unleashed a devastating attack on Akainu, pouring all your grief and rage into the strike. The clash between your power and his was intense, sending shockwaves through the air and cracking the ground beneath your feet. Akainu tried to counter, but your determination was unyielding, and he struggled to keep up with your relentless assault.

In your blinded fury, you swung your sword with reckless abandon, not caring about the injuries you sustained or the pain you felt from his attacks. All that mattered was bringing down the man who had taken Ace away from you. The loss of your love had left you numb, and you no longer feared the consequences of your actions.

As your sword cut through Akainu's defenses, blood oozed from his wounds, but he refused to back down. The battle was fierce and brutal, with both of you refusing to give an inch. The air was thick with tension and the smell of blood, and the battlefield around you seemed to fade away as you became locked in a deadly dance with your enemy.

Despite the pain and exhaustion, you pressed on. Every strike was infused with the weight of your grief, and each blow carried the force of your determination to avenge him. The emotions that had overwhelmed you were now channeled into your attacks, making you a force to be reckoned with.

"Y/N stop!!" The area you stood quake as you see Edward use his fruit. Your loss of footing caused you to the ground.

The stop of your fury of attacks brought your bloodlust to a halt, the overwhelming emotions you had been suppressing burst forth. You released a gut-wrenching sob, the pain and grief of losing Ace finally breaking through the wall you had built around your heart.

In that moment, Edward embraced you, holding you close as you cried. He could feel the weight of your sorrow and understood the depth of your pain. As your captain and someone who had lost so much in his life, he knew what it meant to suffer such a devastating loss.

"You don't have to bear this burden alone," Edward said softly, his voice filled with compassion. "Y/N calm down."

His words offered some comfort, but the ache in your heart was still raw and agonizing. The memories of Ace flooded your mind, the laughter, the adventures, and the love you had shared together. The realization that he was truly gone was like a stab in the heart, leaving an emptiness that seemed impossible to fill.

As you clung to Edward, he let you cry, understanding that sometimes the only way to heal was to let the pain flow freely. He knew that there were no words that could erase your grief, but he hoped that his presence and the support of everyone could offer some solace.

With tears still staining your cheeks, you pulled away from Edward's embrace, your gaze fixated on Akainu with a newfound determination. The pain of losing Ace had fueled your anger, but now it fueled your resolve to make things right. In that moment, you knew what you had to do.

"I won't let this happen again," you declared.

Edward understanding what you had meant, concern etched on his face as he reached out to grab your arm gently. "Y/N there-"

Your lifeless eyes met his. And at that moment Edward knew he couldn't change your mind. He releases his hold.

And that marked your first try.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @nykie-love-anime @cinnamonrollscafe @sol-d15

[conduitandconjurer]

I don't get why the fans are so pressed about Klaus needing someone around "he's just latching onto Five/S!Ben cause U!Ben died", like... yes?? Most likely?? That doesn't exclude that he can love them too. Also, if you go through a loss so big the people around you aren't gonna just isolate you so you can "become your own person". And the "It's just another addiction" it's also so extreme! He DOES need his family! I don't really get it. Do you have an opinion?

Wait.

Wait so portions of the fandom are upset that Klaus is projecting his love and guilt over "his" Ben onto sad asshole Sparrow!Ben? Or? What, that he's an emotional whore that just needs to go around clinging onto whoever's closest?

I guess I don't understand the issue--what exactly about that is problematic to them? Are they not aware that Klaus has never felt that his mental or physical boundaries were respected, because of Reginald's experiments, and the ghosts themselves To me all the above does is show how much Klaus loves and misses the brother with whom he was always tasked to tag along, as children, and probably feels the one way he can gain closure over all those toxic years of codependency with Umbrella Ben is to help Sparrow Ben face his rage and shame and sense of inadequacy.

Is the argument that Klaus isn't capable of loving his family and that getting Ben back is a "new addiction'/"distraction"? Because that's frankly such a distorted interpretation of canon that I don't think it's worth either you or I wasting much time or energy on it. Whoever watched Season 3 and gleaned that probably has a personal axe to grind with someone in real life. Klaus probably reminds them of that person or experience so they're grafting the lens of a dysfunctional coping mechanism over Klaus's desperation to make all his years of severe trauma, suffering, and misplaced shame into something honorable. These people probably also wholly miss the point of the "scooped out ice cream" moment, the reason why he let himself be subjected to "bus ball," and the suicidal moment in the White Buffalo Room and are quick to say that Klaus's temporary desire to just rest where he "belonged" was selfish and callous. They don't realize that maybe he's sick of only being loved when he's useful. A really forced and artificial overtone of TUA discourse has always been to "compare traumas" for the 7 respective sibs and make a debate for who "has it worst." What's the point? It's not slices of pie that'll run out. I wish I could say it was even isolated to TUA, but it's not.

I think it's also strange how absolute and purist the perception of "goodness" is. Well written characters are always lovable but flawed. And it's not conniving or selfish to be motivated both by selfless love (Klaus wants to be emotionally close to Sparrow!Ben and Sparrow!Reginald--the latter of whom I loathe, btw--and make up for lost time) and by the silver lining of self-benefit (Klaus wants to find closure, self-esteem from an outside source--never a good idea, but he's still learning--perfection of his powers, and clarity of purpose). I say this as someone who has lived 39 years as a consummate people-pleaser: we live in a predominantly Eurocentric Protestant social narrative that tells us we have to be productive all the time, give all the time, be selfless and self-effacing, and ignore our own boundaries to please others. It's a lie to say a character doing genuinely good and kind things with any simultaneous ulterior motive is somehow the Devil's Armpit. I have trapped myself in the role of a caregiver who never takes a turn for so long that I cheer for anyone who has that "ENOUGH" moment, followed by "no, this time, I'll look out for me."

Klaus isn't just here for a distraction, a fix, or shits and giggles. Klaus adores his family and mourns harder than anyone because there is no beginning or end to his access to the afterlife.

I know it's upsetting, especially if you relate to Klaus, but filter out these portions of the fandom and continue as best you're able to love what you love <3

[fyodorbootleg]

Hello, Gab

It's been a long time hahahaha, kumusta kana? I know that you are happy right now and enjoying life. I am sorry that we ended that way in the night of January, I was just shocked and confused that I acted that way. I am not mad; it's completely understandable and valid what you did that night, you have every right to feel that. I messaged you last night and waited because I can't hold it anymore and say that "l miss you so much" and I know I can't say that now kasi you have a partner na and nakakasama mo pa araw araw, and you blocked me right away; you said to me your DM is open for me anytime but I completely understand why you did that, I am not mad, I'm just feeling heavy for the last 3 months and I just really need to say it because I can't hold it anymore and I think I'm gonna explode if I let it keep it on me any longer.

I know everyone said "You will find someone better." But what they don't understand is for me only "us" makes sense and that you were never just 'someone' to me; you were my moment of clarity in a world full of chaos. With you, the simplest moments turned extraordinary, and now, the absence of your presence leaves a silence too loud to bear. I've tried to embrace the loneliness, to find happiness in the memories we shared, yet each one is a reminder of a future we'll never have. It's a journey of one step forward and two steps back, where moving on feels less like healing and more like leaving behind a part of myself. I know this isn't what I should be doing learning from loss, Yet, as I face each day without you, I can't help but wonder if "better" is just a illusion.

How do you let go of the best you've ever had, and open your heart to the possibility of a new "better" hahahaha

I know you will say to me if you read this "Move on from me" but Natatakot ako na baka hindi ko na maalala ang boses mo. Araw araw kita iniisip, dahilan ng araw araw na pagluha. At kahit alam ko na hindi kana babalik Kung sakali man mangyari iyon Ikuwento mo sa akin ang mga bagay na ginawa mo noong wala ako. Dahil kahit magkalayo tayo, gusto ko pa rin malaman ang mga bagay na bago sa'yo.

I really want to know

that sometimes I questioned the sky Do you ever cry over me? Just a sudden question I had in mind In your crowded, lonely city. Do you ever think of me again after we left? Or did you remove me entirely? Well, I did. I cried over you, not proud to admit it, I just can't get over you. All the things I shared with you All the places you shared with me with us going there It still ends with you because losing you took some humanity in me.

I always think of the first day we met and I can't help but dreamed a scenario when "Maybe in 5 years, decades, or 20 years later, our paths will cross again I will tell you how desperately in love I was with you and we can laugh about how we broke each other's hearts"

hahahaha such a dream I have. Maybe we will meet again, when we're slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right to you and you'll be right to me because for me, only 'us' makes sense, only 'you' makes sense.

Binabantayan parin kita, hindi mo lang alam hahahaha and I'm crying while typing this about you 3 buwan palang nakakalipas pero parang 10 taon na tayong hindi nag-uusap habambuhay kitang aantayin na parang ulilang aso hahaha and in the future; if you ever find yourself in the position to love again. fall in love with me, because I am here waiting you for all of that years.

Kaya if there are days when you feel unloved, please remember me I know we do not speak anymore but I still wake up every morning with new stories to tell you

and a love that waits for you I wish I could call you now and hear your voice. I understand why you wouldn't answer. but for a while it was love, wasn't it? for me it was love hahahaha I'd let you break my heart a million times I wouldn't want you to but I'll let you I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way.

And I don't think you even realized but you're the kind of person that fills up infinity, the kind of person whose happiness fills the air like rays of sunshine. The person that a thousand stars wouldn't compareto.

You're the kind of person Alex Turner and John Green would write about and the kind of in teenage literature novels with happy endings. The kind of person who never gives up, the kind of who teaches you what it is to love,

to hope,

and to feel. and I don't know if you know, but you're the kind of person poets write about, the kind of person no poem would be enough for.

I know you are thinking "Why would you wait for me", all I can say about that is It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.

We are the embodiment of "Right Person, Wrong Time" and I don't say it because it's not that i wish i never met you, but because it's that i wish i could've met you later on down my life. I'd do anything to meet future you. I'd do anything to meet you once you've grown up and realize what's important. There's no one quite like you. I hope future you is single.

Take however much time you need and If you're thinking "Why are you doing all of this" It's because you're it for me. Whether it's today, tomorrow, a year or decades from now, that'll never change," You are my poem and always will be.

And don't feel pressured to reply on this hahaha, you can just read it and go on with your day

And lastly, I am just thinking the times when we are still together, and I only worry not that our love won't endure but I worry because if we live to be 100 and I get 80 years years with you, how am I to fit all my love for you into just 80 years and that is why I know there will be something after this and wherever that will be, we will find each other there just like we found each other here. Despite an ocean between us (literally) hahahaha and a million reasons we should have never crossed paths, the term "we were meant to be" is the only thing in the world I'm sure of.

Gab, honeyfangs, my bunny (hahahah), my Zing, Veena, my Jian and most of all, Bali, I will love you forever, for eternity and that still won't be enough but I promise to do that. I promise that I will be your everlasting home that you can come back when life gets a little mean to you. I love you for everything you are now and everything you will ever become. Spending my life loving and waiting for you will be the greatest thing I will ever do.

a certain someone, a place you can always call "home"

─ Dos

[raggaraddy]

Sauna

Summary: Taehyung always makes you wait on him, but he is going to make sure you learn that he should never have to wait on you.

Trigger Warnings: Smut, Smut, Smut, abuse, Dom/sub-themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic, ambiguous torture.

Taehyung

Yandere!Taehyung

Dom!Taehyung

You've been waiting for Taehyung for hours now. Once again work claims his time and focus. Luckily his luxurious house has plenty to keep you entertained. Knowing Tae, it could be anywhere from 30 minutes to 8 hours that he's locked away. So while you patiently wait for him to be available you decide to make use of the sauna. You know you'll be able to quickly shower and be ready for him within a few minutes when he calls. And he won't mind wet hair or a lack of makeup. He isn't interested in anything like that. He just wants you in position ready for him.

Spending lots of 20 minutes, you cycle through small sessions in the heat and steam with rests in between. It gets to near 90 minutes and on your fourth time heading into the sauna you can feel you are just about at your limit, your head starting to become a bit light.

After only 5 minutes more you decide to cut it short. You remember you haven't really drunk enough water throughout the day and you don't want to risk overdoing it and becoming dazed with Taehyung.

Standing up, you bundle your towel wiping at the sweat dripping from your forehead. You jump as you bring it down, startled by Taehyung standing in the doorway suddenly, looking displeased.

"Ignoring my calls are you?" He opens the sauna door questioning sternly. Your smile changes into a frown of confusion. He called? He never called. Or at least your phone never rang.

"No," you shake your head feeling flustered at suddenly being put on the spot. Passing him diffidently he backs out of the doorway and allows you to exit into the cooldown room.

"Then why did I have to come searching for you?" he berates.

You know you checked the volume. You purposefully made it as loud as you could because you wanted to make sure you would hear it over the music in the sauna. You pick up your phone only to find it dead. You checked the volume but not the battery, and you didn't think to look at it in the past hour, not wanting to touch it while you were sweaty.

Putting the phone face down, sheepishly you turn around. Taehyung hates to be kept waiting. It's something he never tolerates. And you know what he'll say. That being careless is not a sufficient excuse.

"I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again." You apologize contritely, nervously fiddling with your fingers.

"That's not what I asked girl." He demands an answer to his question. The laid back manner with which he stands does not match the harshness of his tone or wording. Usually, he calls you with some variation of little girl or baby girl or good girl. But when it's just girl, you know you've upset him.

"I- my phone died." You pick it up to prove it to him. "I'm sorry" you mumble.

“So what your saying is your lack of attention has caused me to wait on you.”  He scolds, his stare hardening.

While you feel bad, you’re starting to get frustrated. He's being hypocritical. It’s not like you did it on purpose. It was an accident and he’s being too harsh. “Well, I had to wait for you too. Like, nearly 3 hours.” You argue back, instantly regretting your stupid lack of impulse control.

"Excuse me," He challenges with a tight jaw. You know it's rhetorical and not meant to be answered. The best thing is to stay silent and continue to look down at your fingers.

For a moment too long he is quiet and motionless. Your eyes flick up to see what kind of response he is having, only to see him standing stiffly, his features tight as he assesses you unblinkingly. You're feeling dumb, knowing you've just put yourself in a bad position at the start of your weekend session with Tae.

You audibly whimper from nerves, wanting to undo some of the damage. "I'm sor-"

“Come here Y/n”. He interrupts, holding his hand out for you. From his demeanour, you know you're in trouble, but your not sure how yet. However, slightly apprehensively, you accept his outreached hand.

He opens the sauna door, holding it wide and gesturing for you to enter. You pause hesitantly unsure of where he is going with this.

"After making you wait so long for me, I would hate to interrupt you. Go back in. I'll even join you." Now it's his eerily pleasant tone that doesn't match his observable frustration and the slowly tightening grip on your wrist.

Lightly you shake your head, not wanting to say any variation of the word no. "I-it's okay, Sir. I was done."

"Go in." And now to your dismay, the chill of his voice and his body language match. He orders you into the sauna pointedly, his expression daring you to debate it further.

Swallowing heavily, you can't help the way his domineering tone is filling your stomach with butterflies. Even when he gets scary- especially when he gets scary- you find him so attractive. But you know you need to take this moment seriously, or risk getting yourself further into strife.

You nod, going back into the sauna, the warm wet heat swarming around you again quickly making your breath feel smothered. Sitting on one of the wooden benches, you get lower trying to get out of the rising heat. Sweat right away returning to your brow and neck.

After a few minutes, Taehyung comes in, having removed his clothes. He puts down a towel and sits alongside you, resting back with his arms up on either side, his eyes closed as he enjoys the warmth. You try to do the same. But even after a little while more, you're becoming more and more uncomfortable. You try to bear it as long as you can, but as another 10 minutes pass your head begins to thump, your eyes becoming unfocused.

"Okay." You say standing up with a wobble. "This was really nice. But I'm getting a little dizzy. I think I should go out."

"Sit down." He says without opening his eyes. You're looking through the glass door to the cool of the outside longingly. It's starting to hurt being in here, but you're sure Tae knows that.

"Please, Sir. I don't feel well." You try again to plead your point. Despite your discomfort, you still don't want to act on your own. Outrightly disobeying him would disregard everything that your relationship is built on.

"Do you really want to test me right now, little girl?" He says, his head rested back with a smirk.

"You're being unfair." You pout, lightly stomping your foot.

He chuckles, rolling his head forward. "The answer's yes apparently." He stands and your gaze drops to eye height looking at his collar bone. He steps towards you and you step back. And again. Pushing you to the other side of the room. Your legs come into contact with the bench and as he steps at you again, with nowhere left to go, you fall down onto the seat, coming face height with his lower stomach and crotch.

An embarrassed glow fans over your cheeks as you realize what your first impulse is. You stifle a giggle, biting your lip.

"Little Y/n, who's in charge here?"

Those words said in that deep tone have you momentarily forgetting how dehydrated and sick you feel. His voice sending a wave of shivers down your spine and up your neck.

"You are." You purr back, having to push your thighs together with a new kind of heat rushing through your stomach.

"And when I tell you to do something, you do it. Isn't that right?" His salacious words are accompanied by his hand curling around your jaw, his thumb resting on your lips pressing for entrance into your mouth. Instinctually, you open for him and suck his thumb, looking up at him with wide eyes. There's a small lustful smile on his face and in his eyes. But it's the way he licks and bites his lip that has another bolt of heat shooting through your core.

You nod to his question, sucking firmer, taking it deeper and rubbing your tongue along it. Emboldened by the ravenous look in his eye.

Taehyung removes his hand, it shoving your shoulder, making you crash back into the wall. He grabs your legs and roughly throws them onto the double-tiered bench, having you lay along it. Climbing on top of it, he pushes himself between your legs making you spread them wider to accommodate him. Right away you nearly melt feeling his hardening member.

"When I tell you to sit, you don't argue. Do you?" He leans over the top of you, his hand rested next to your head.

"No, Sir." You whisper back breathlessly, shaking your head.

He presses his hips down, rubbing himself between your legs, slipping effortlessly with how wet you already are. You buck upwards trying to encourage him to go further, trying to meet him that last little bit to get what your craving.

"And when I tell you to wait for my call, you make sure to wait patiently and be a good girl for me, don't you?"

"Yes," you pant.

He smirks, approving of your answers. His lips come to yours, licking over your bottom lip before his tongue enters your mouth. Slowly he sinks deep inside you, making you moan and whine.

"You don't need to ask Y/n. Cum as much as you want. But you don't move till I'm done."

A small excited smile fills your face, and you nod back. As far as punishments go, this one seems great. He's not denying you, and he said you can cum as much as you want, so he's not going to overstimulate you. At the moment, you can't see the downside.

Gradually he starts to move, and you bring your hips up to his to match his rhythm, groaning and moaning the whole time. It isn't long until Taehyungs skilled strokes have you exploding around him, giving you the ecstasy you sought after.

But as your high starts to fade, you again gain clarity and realization of your surroundings. You're no longer desperately working towards release and you can again feel the hot air going down your throat. The excess heat of Taehyungs skin on yours. The way your bodies slip along one another due to sweat, or the sweat dripping from Tae's body all over you. You're wet and sore and the longer he continues, even as he brings you to another orgasm, it feels tainted with the suffocation of the sweltering heat.

Taehyung can see it. The look of excitement you had, turning swiftly into one of worry and distress as your distraction faded. And he is revelling once again in how transparent your emotions are to him. Enjoying being able to see how you're suffering but still obeying him.

As he makes you cum for a third time, your body throbs in pleasure but your head thumps in pain. Your chest hurting and your breath short. Your eyes getting glassy. A sick feeling nudging at the back of your throat.

He keeps going, unrelenting for far too long. Keeping himself slow and steady, breaking to kiss and paw at you every now and then to draw it out even longer.

With a stolen glance at the clock on the wall, you can only estimate that he has been fucking you for at least 30 minutes. It's too much. You're so past your limit you can barely keep your eyes open or move. You want to ask him to stop, but you know his order not to move including asking if you could. And you are aware it wasn't a suggestion.

By the time Taehyung finally cums, you're completely spent, nearly unconscious. So much so that after taking a second to catch his own breath, he has to carry you out of the sauna.

As he lays you on the bench in the cool-down room, your body is shivering with dehydration. Any second now, you fear you're going to throw up. Or completely pass out.

But Taehyung doesn't care. He hates to wait on you and he knows he certainly made his point. His only care is that he makes sure you're not confused as to why your suffering right now. "The next time I tell you to wait for me, Y/n," He clarifies with a stern tone, tapping your face lightly to make sure your eyes are open, "I expect you to be actively waiting, and to come running the second I call. Am I understood?"

[k-dokja]

miya osamu with this quote “all i see is fake kings” please 🥺

I didn't know where I was going with this and at this point of finishing, I still don't know.

“You quitting volleyball?”

The ball landed with a heavy thud in your hands, a gift from the team for the graduating members. Osamu had lend it to you after his practice today, a temporary distraction for you from this conversation.

“Yeah... I'll play to keep in shape, but I alreadt told ‘Tsumu about it,” he sighed audibly, an added layer on his normal apathy. You guessed he has talked with his brother about it.

“How did he react?” Your question came with another toss of the ball into the air, it landed in time with his answer.

“Terribly,” Osamu snorted, “as you can see, he's not with us this moment.”

“That mad, huh?” You said with a giggle. “Did you explain to him why you wanted to quit?”

Osamu shrugged, “I did, he didn't care,” he explained simply, “he expected us to be attached to the hip, but we aren't the same person.”

You nodded in understanding. Atsumu has always set his sight on higher heights in volleyball, that was something you knew about from the moment you got to know the twins. Osamu, on another hand, his mind was always elsewhere. You saw it even when the two of you were together, with his hand intertwined with yours.

He'd drag you to various places to test out new confections, sometimes, even stayed in other cities for dinner. You always thought he was adventurous about his love for food back then. But with the added clarity to the situation, you could see that was only one of the reasons.

Sure he wanted to spend time with you doing what he liked, but there was the inkling at the back of his mind, too. To separate himself from his twin and carve his own path, the one where his fire burned brighter than the pursue for volleyball.

You weren't surprised it blindsided Atsumu, not when you were his accomplice in much of this.

“I guess he felt betrayed,” you mused, “he will get over it, your brother loves you more than anyone.”

“You make it sound weird,” Osamu sighed, “wait, more than you?”

Instead of answering him, you only winked and left him perplexed. “Hm,” you continued, “you should've told him in private.”

“...I should have,” there was resignation in his words, “I... didn't know what came over me, actually. I planned to hide it from him until we graduated but... I guess something snapped in me when he kept talking about our plans, like he was the one deciding it.”

“Care to elaborate?” You realized you have stopped messing with the volleyball now, instead, your attention was fixed on him.

“He was talking about getting an invitation from a team, Black Jackal, I think,” said Osamu, “he was going on about the changes will be minimal since we were already used to play with each other, and the uniform is black, too.”

You kept your silence while he continued. Osamu reached for your hand, and you allowed him willingly. “I don't know, I received the same invitation, too. We asked for times to think about it, and Atsumu was enthusiastic about it all. I said I needed time to think and... he began to look into other teams, too, kept talking about where we could play with each other.”

“And you didn't have the heart to tell him about it?”

He nodded mutely, “At one point, I think he began to think I wanted to play for another team. He began to accept that, too,” Osamu paused, “but when he brought the topic up, I realized I couldn't take it anymore. He talked about how I shouldn't join Suna to team up against him, because he'd never let me live it down. I told him I wasn't going to join Suna or anyone, as a matter of fact. It... escalated from there.”

His hold on your hand tightened with a squeeze, “I think he understands, ‘Tsumu just...”

“...need time?” Your helpful input was met with another nod. “I think so, too.”

“Yeah, now, he's avoiding me and acting all mad about it,” he sighed again, “which makes it weird at home but mom stopped trying to pacify us for years ago, dad knew we're becoming our own people so he didn't interfere either.”

“Taumu gets it, he will get over it,” you pointed out, “if anything, both of you were in the wrong.”

“Hm?” Osamu met your criticism with not offense, because that would be more Atsumu’s style. He met it with an open interest, even if it looked far more subdued when shown on his face.

“You know ‘Tsumu is a big child, he never cared much for anyone's companionship because he always had yours,” you explained, “he shouldn't have assumed you'd be here forever, either, you aren't an extension of him, even if it felt that way for him. But you shouldn't have hidden it away from him, either, I think it was the fact he didn't know you as much as he should hurt him the most, for all of the aforementioned reasons, too.”

Osamu blew air past his lips, processing your words in his own way, “I will have to talk with him later, in private.”

“Yes... Make him something to eat and show that you're serious about your passion then ease him into the conversation,” you suggested, “you know he's only prideful because he cares, you hid something big from him, after all.”

He laughed softly then, his eyes were warm when they looked at you. “I can’t believe there'd be a day when I'm a bigger liar than ‘Tsumu.”

“Lying by omission,” you corrected, “don’t beat yourself up over it, you know what to do.”

Osamu hummed in agreement, “You’re the best, you know that? What did I do to deserve you?”

His inquiry got you laughing, too. Albeit with more enthusiasm than he did. “I don't know, but you always show your appreciation by letting me test your new recipes.”

Osamu pulled you over and dropped a kiss on your hair, as gentle as his smile. “Deal.”

[midnxghtsunwrites]

GROUNDED

PAIRING —

william miller x black reader

SUMMARY —

You and Will have been through too much for you to abandon him at his darkest hour.

WARNINGS —

angst, fluff

"Baby, I'm sorry." Your voice was quiet as you rubbed the back of William's hand. His skin is rough and scarred against the pad of your thumb — a symbol of the hardships he's endured both during his service and after.

You'd stuck by his side all those years ago when he was in the brigade commandeered by Tom "Redfly" Davis. They were close — damn, you were all close. You were practically Tess's aunt, showing up at every birthday party and barbecue before Tom's divorce made way.

The years you've been with Will gave you clarity — into his struggle with PTSD and the emotional impact serving as a Special Force Operative had on him. He even taught you a thing or two, defense-wise, before he was caught in a situation in your local Publix — his arm wrapped around another man's throat because he hadn't moved his cart. That lead you to jump on his back and wrangle him back to reality.

He's a soldier in every sense of the word.

He'd gotten better after that incident — attending therapy sessions and doing more public speaking at military bases. It was better to keep his mind off of the terror and trauma from his years of fighting in a war.

He was doing better. And then Santiago just had to come along and convince him to join him for one last ride. Of course, you couldn't do much but support him — that's all he ever asked for. Your love and support. And you were hesitant to give it to him.

But, you did.

And he left for two weeks and returned with a bullet wound — another scar added to his shelf of souvenirs — and a dead captain.

The first night he came back was spent on the beachfront of your home, unable to hide the tears any longer. That night, he slept with his head over your heart, almost as if to make sure it was still beating.

You gave him his space for three days — to get his bearings and a handle on life.

You weren't surprised when he gathered you up one day and drove you to your spot. It was where you had your first date however many years ago — he'd paid for the meal and was a proper gentleman. Of course, you just had to give him your number and hope for the best. Immediately, you knew he was drawn back.

He'd just finished his first tour and the trauma was as strong as it was present — you didn't expect to get a call back after he dropped you home. You were at work when he did, though.

From then on, you and Will had been connected in a way no one really understood. But, it wasn't for them to understand. It's like a well-kept secret between two lovers.

Will's eyes are trained on your dainty fingers as you trace jagged waves along his tainted skin. Your touch could calm a storm, he always tells you. His back presses against the wall of the restaurant, a tattooed arm resting atop the back of his seat, and his other arm stretched across the cold metal table towards you.

Your fingers run up the inside of his wrist and trails the ink in his skin. It's his Force tattoo, faded against his fair skin from years of wearing it as a badge of honor. This isn't his only tattoo.

Just on his other arm is a tribute to a fallen soldier from his first tour. They were the closest friends each other had before Benny decided to join the army as well. It was by a miracle that he was put into the same regiment as his brother.

It didn't seem like much of a miracle when William's friend was blown to pieces on the field.

William lazily tips the neck of his beer bottle to his mouth as he shifts his gaze to the crease between your eyebrows — one that only appears when you're concentrated.

You're so taken with his marred skin littered with healed wounds that you jump slightly when he lifts his hand to take a hold of your own, removing your fingers from his forearm.

He raises your connected fingers and presses it to his lips. Your lips form a pout when you see the tears gathering in his eyes. As he draws your hand away, his gaze transfers to the bare ring finger on your left hand.

"I love you." He proclaims, as he rubs your ring metacarpal, "And I want to thank you for being patient with me. I know..." He sighs as he tries to find the right words to say. Finally, "I know it hasn't been easy being with someone so broken."

You want to stop him. You want to tell him that relationships aren't always easy. You want to tell him that he's not broken, just in pain. You want to tell him that you love him too. So much that it hurts.

But you don't. You wait for him to express his feelings. As long as you have to.

"You've been there for me, Y/N — even when no one else has. You've been helping me for so long that I feel..." He can't continue, instead choosing to look down at your connected hands.

Your finger rubs against his as you realize this, "It's okay, Will. You know you can talk to me."

Your words give him that gentle push — "I feel like I'm keeping you from your life, Y/N. You've had to deal with my trauma and I've been ignoring you and your feelings. I don't want to do that to you, baby. Not anymore. I wanna take care of you instead of it being the other way around."

Y/C/E meet blue as you lean back in interest. Your boyfriend couldn't be more wrong about how he thinks you feel. He's held you back from nothing — when you asked him to move to a new neighborhood, he packed up your bags and boxes and loaded the moving truck; when you asked him to stick by you when you went back to school, he helped you study and ace all off your exams to receive your degree; when you asked him to be there for you, he was. And you know he always will be.

With this in mind, you slide out of your side of the booth, your hand still intertwined with his. He watches you, carefully as you step off the platform on your side before stepping up on his. His legs are stretched along the seat, prompting you to plop yourself right down on his lap. His beautiful blue eyes stare up at you.

Instinctively, he plants his beer on the table and snakes his arms around your waist, keeping you in place. You can feel the bulge of his crotch on the right side of your thigh but restrain yourself — now isn't the time.

"You see that?" Your right hand presses against his chest while your left hand finds its place on his strong arm, right above his military tattoo. You refer to his instinct to hold you. "That is you taking care of me. That is you loving me more than I deserve. Baby," You search his eyes, his pupils dilating as he's overtaken with love, "You're my life. Don't think you've been ignoring me, Will. We just had to reduce that pain you've been living with. Because I'm not happy if you're not happy."

Reaching an arm around, you take his hand into yours and pulls it from your waist. His hand falls limp as he watches you draw him towards you. You rest the palm of his hand on your chest, right above your beating heart.

At the feeling of the organ beating against your chest, Will is brought back to earth. You keep him grounded and that's all he could ever ask of you.

"This is yours, Will. You own it. We've been through too much for you not to."

As you watch the thoughts swirl behind his expressive eyes, you're confused when he pulls his hand away from you. He reaches into his jeans pocket and emerges with a clasped fist. Hovering over the table palm down, he opens his hand and brings your attention to the rose gold ring — a significant contrast from the wooden surface it rests on.

Your breath catches in your throat and your heart is pounding against your ribcage.

He looks at it for a moment before tilting his head towards you, "Marry me."

"Will..."

"It’s been a long time coming, Y/N. We've been together for eight years — which I'm sure is seven years longer than what you wanted.”

He loves you, ardently, and now he finds the strength he was searching desperately for just the other day. "I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. With every fragmented piece of me that you've managed to put back together. And I'm forever grateful that you came into my life when I least expected you, but most needed you."

Now it's your turn for your heart to melt — you're growing weak at his words, eyes filling slowly with tears.

His eyes remain on you as you crane your neck to ogle the engagement band on the table. The center is oval shaped and sparkling under the dim lighting of the restaurant. It's beautiful, perfect even — more than you could've asked for.

He is more than you could've asked for.

"I'm done with this shit, babe." Will says as he sees an indecipherable look in your eye. Overthinking leads him to believe that you have doubts about his minimalistic proposal, "I'm completely retired. It's just us — no Pope, no Fish, no Benny, no —" He stops himself before he can say the name.

It's too soon.

The silence between you two is deafening as you're frozen in your spot.

All you can seem to release is his name — it's the only word on your tongue. The only sound you could muster.

He brushes a kinky curl from your forehead and stares up at you, awaiting an answer. Everything in you tells you to speak. To do something — anything.

It's only when Will's grip loosens around your waist that you're snapped back into reality. You'd only dreamed for this moment and now that it's here, your brain seemed to be malfunctioning. Instead of opening your mouth, you reach forward and with your index finger and thumb, you lift the beautiful ring from the table.

"Yes." The word is so quiet that you didn't even realize you said it. Speak up. "Yes, I'll marry you, Will. Christ, you didn't even have to ask."

This has to be the first time he's smiled since he came home. It's bright and amazing and nostalgic. White teeth wink at you as he wastes no time taking the ring from your fingers and sliding it on your digit, his eyes seeming to reflect the sparkle of the engagement band.

The kiss you two share is nothing grandiose. Your kisses rarely are — but they still hold a level of sensuality and passion that many can just wish for. Will runs his tongue along your bottom lip before capturing it in his warm beer-flavored mouth. You don't mind — he has good taste in alcohol.

For a moment, you two forget that you're in a public space. One where patrons are making their exit, but public nonetheless. You pull away when you feel the tears gather in your eyes. You love this man with your heart, mind, and soul — every part of you is overwhelmed with a wave of fervent endearment.

"Damn, I love you." Will exhales as he draws you into a homely embrace.

general taglist : @gwenspacy @dollyhoess @complacentviawattpad @rosenoirwrites @random-ficreader23 @kyla-queen

let me know if you'd like to join my general taglist! feel free to like, reblog, and comment! also, my asks are open — and im taking requests!

[medicallyinevitable]

Medically Inevitable

Chapter 15:- Hopeful Happenings

Characters:- Arielle Valentine, Ethan Ramsey, Ines Delarosa, Kyra Santana

Pairing:- Ethan Ramsey x Arielle Valentine

Warnings:- Slight mentions of cancer

Word Count:- 1700+ words :)

General PoV:-

As the sun shines bright in the late morning, Arielle parks her car and heads straight towards Edenbrook’s locker room, a to-go cup in hand from Starbucks instead of Derry Roasters not wanting any chance to bump into Dr. Ramsey, despite knowing that he’s her boss. Making her way to the nurses’ station, she picks up her charts and textbooks and heads toward the cafeteria.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You keep at your textbooks, scouring the pages for anything that could explain Nigel's symptoms, and the tidal wave of self-doubt doesn’t help either. You let out a sigh, "Maybe Dr. Ramsey's right. Maybe I really don't belong here..."

"Mind if I join you?" A cheery voice snaps you back to reality.

You turn around to find Kyra. Dread fills in you as you see her. "Kyra, what are you doing here? Is your cancer back? Is something wrong?", you start asking.

"Woah! Dial down the doom and gloom there, Dr. Sob Emoji. I'm in remission." Kyra beams.

"What?! Oh my god congratulations! I’m so happy for you!" You envelope her in a warm hug which almost melts all your tension away.

"Just had another check-up. Will be coming a lot for those," she catches you up with her remission plan as you two sit. "No offense but I definitely look in better shape than you!"

"Ugh I know. I'm exhausted.” And just like that, all the tension fills your mind as you give her the details. " My shift ended like five hours ago, but instead of going home I am sitting here and reading till my eyes bleed."

"You should probably get that looked at." Kyra's face morphs into something serious but genuine as she continues.

"Look, I don't want to be that cancer survivor… but it did make me realize that life is too short." You give her a sad smile knowing how painful it must have been for her.

"We only get so many chances you know? But maybe you need that lesson more than I do," she continues after pausing for a moment.

"Is it that obvious?" You raise your brows.

"Let's chalk it up to my incredible intuition." Kyra smiles," Anyways there's an amazing ice cream shop nearby. They make an triple chocolate gelato that's literally to die for," she jokes, " You can take my word for that." "Why don't we visit that place? It'll give you a distraction and a much needed break."

You look at her and then your textbooks, not understanding what to do. All you can see is blurry lines. the words and concepts swim around in your very exhausted brain. You close the textbook with a slam after your answer is crystal clear.

"How can I say no to chocolate gelato!", you say dramatically.

"That's more like it!", Kyra beams. The two of you collect your belongings and make your way out as you tell Kyra everything about the dilemma with your latest patient.

"This place is pretty cute.", you say as you look around.

"Try nauseatingly adorable. I want to make it tiny and keep it in my bookshelf," Kyra replies. You laugh.

"You collect tiny shops?" You ask as the two of you made your way to the counter.

"I collect many sickeningly adorable things," she laughs before turning her attention to the boy behind the counter. "I’ll have the large Death by Chocolate please. And my absurdly attractive friend here will have…”, she nods for you to continue.

You roll your eyes at her before placing your order. You take a look at their menu before deciding to have the same one as Kyra as it's the most chocolatey one.

“I'll have the same.", you smile at the server.

The server scoops your gelato into two big cups and slides them across the counter while Kyra rummages through her bag for her wallet.

"I'll pay.“, you say getting your card out.

"No way!", she stops you by swiftly taking your card from you. You whine but to your dismay she doesn’t budge.

"This was my idea. Besides I didn't get out much during recovery. I've got months of dining-out budget to blow."

The next minute she's handing the cash to the server and then guiding you to a booth. As you two take your seats, Kyra hands you your card.

She takes a spoon full of her Death by Chocolate and sighs blissfully.

“Mmmmmm…”

You smile at her antics. "That good?" You ask before taking a bite.

"Orgasmic. I never used to eat junk food before my diagnosis."

She takes another bite and you take your first. You can't help but let out a moan as the chocolatey silkiness melts on your tongue. Kyra smirks and gives you a smug look.

She then continues, "I was super into exercising and calorie counting. I never did anything I wasn't supposed to." She smiles sadly. "And I still got lung cancer. At my twenties!"

"You must have been so strong!", you reply.

"Everyone keeps saying that but-", she pauses, "I don't know. I just went to the doctor to see why I was breathing weird."

She sighs. "Then suddenly I was going for all these tests, and then I had cancer."

She laughs humorlessly. "Life went from jogging and juice every morning to chemo and puking."

You can almost feel the pain as she speaks about her experiences even when you’re aware you’ll never truly understand.

"But I didn't do anything," she says, " Those things had to happen , and I had good insurance, so I did them. And it's not like I had any alternative."

"I think you should give yourself more credit.”, you reach for her hand and squeeze it in a comforting manner.

"You faced death with a smile on your face. I'll always remember you cracking jokes on the way to surgery-", you stop for a second before adding,"You are the strongest person I know Kyra."

Kyra blushes, a little embarrassed. "Well you can laugh or you can cry and I chose to laugh.”, she shrugs with a smile on her face.

"And like I said, I don't want to be that cancer survivor but it does put certain things into perspective."

"That kind of clarity must be nice.", you reply.

"Well yeah, you have to get some kind of consolation price for nearly dying, right?" She then shakes her head.

”But enough about that. If we keep talking about this you'll always see me as a girl who beat cancer."

"I'll never, Kyra." you say truthfully. "That's not how I see you."

"Oh yeah? And how do you exactly see me?" She asks playfully.

"I think you are inspiring."

A blush creeps on her face as she’s caught off guard, but quickly retaliates with a sassy reply. “If you keep giving me compliments then I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”

“We’ll see about that.” You both dissolve into fits of laughter as Kyra fills you up on the hospital gossip...

“What wait?! Seriously?! I can’t believe it!”

“Me either, but you know how gossip is!”, she replies with a shrug.

Just then your phone chimes. You pull it out to see it’s a reminder for your shift.

“Crap, I have 10 minutes till my shift.”

“Oof, you better hurry!”, she replies.

“We should do this again, this was really nice.”, you say as you gather your things.

“We should! Besides there would have to be 12 different things wrong with someone to turn down Gelato!”, she jokes.

“..12 different things wrong….. oh my god, Kyra, you’re a genius!”

You scramble to your feet and quickly throw away your cup.

“I like to think I am but what did I do?”, she asks.

“I’ll explain later!”, you yell.

“Ookay…” You rush back to the hospital, typing out a message on your pager as Kyra sits there in utter confusion.

“Well I guess I could get another scoop of gelato…”

————————————————————

An hour later, you take a deep breath before entering Nigel's room to find Ethan and Ines already inside.

“Well what are you waiting for?”, Dr. Ramsey says. Pushing back all of your invading memories of him, you continue with your explanation.

"I spent the last two days trying to figure out the one thing causing all of Mr.Platt's symptoms.”, you say as you stand beside Nigel's bedside.

"And?", he asks. For a split second, you can see a slight look of hope in his eyes, but it passes as quickly as it came, leaving you to believe it was a mere delusion of yours.

"That's when I realized nothing was causing all of them-" But before you can continue, you’re interrupted by Nigel.

"Are you calling-", he burps, “me a liar?", he asks, rude as always.

You control the urge to roll your eyes. He could've at least let you finish your sentence.

Ignoring him, you continue what you were saying," Mr.Platt has been experiencing tingling and hair loss but also cold sensitivity and some hearing problems." You pause for a second before continuing,"All of which point to hypothyroidism caused by Hashimoto's disease easily treated with levothyroxine."

"Go on." Ethan orders in his usual cold bossy tone.

"I couldn't fit in the constant burping and the chest pain… because it was completely separate." You explain. "I ordered a barium swallow X-ray and detected a hiatal hernia in the esophageal hole through the diaphragm."

"The treatment?", he asks, motioning you to continue.

"I have already booked a laparoscopic surgery to repair it.”, you answer with a touch of pride.

"Good work Dr.Valentine." Ines smiles at you.” You return it with a nod and a tentative smile.

"So ... I'll be cured?" Nigel asks.

"Yes-“, you calm yourself down before you rip him apart and then continue.

"You'll be good as new." you say instead with a forced smile.

"Good... because I don't want to spend a -" he burps, " second more in your hopeless company."

Your blood boils at this point as you bite your lip to control yourself. “The audacity! Ugh, he's a patient, Arielle. You have to be nice to him.”

"Mr. Platt, might suggest viewing this as a new lease on life. Perhaps a life where you don't make everyone around you miserable.”, Ethan's stern voice retorts, shocking you and Ines.

“No way...he did not!”

"Dr. Ramsey!" Ines exclaims with a shocked expression on her face, which you’re quite sure your face resembles.

"I'll report you! I want to talk to your manager," he says more angrily than before.

"Go ahead," Ethan says with a sarcastic smile." Maybe she can't talk to you like this but I sure as hell can."

You look at Nigel who looks like he's about to say something but just then Bryce struts in. He winks at you playfully as he passes you.

"Someone called for a laparoscopic surgery?"

"Oh great, first Barbie and now the damn Ken doll!” You don’t even attempt to hide the disgust on your face as you roll your eyes.

By the time you’ve finished your consultation with Bryce, Ines and Ethan have already left the room. Pleased with yourself, you take a left in the hallway without noticing Ethan standing leaning against the wall.

"Rookie..." His velvety baritone voice calls out, pulling you out of a haze.

Wincing, you stop dead in your tracks as the memories of the previous day replay in your mind. Still embarrassed with your encounter, you turn around but never meet his eyes. You’re sure you look like a kid, standing before him with your feet crossed, one hand fiddling with your hair as you bite your lip.

"So, you figured it out in the end. And you kept things professional.”, he nods, barely visible.

"I guess I just needed a… push.”, you reply in a timid voice laced with embarrassment.

"Maybe you aren’t so hopeless then.", he says.

Unlike yesterday, his voice isn’t filled with disappointment and malice.

So mustering up some courage, you look up to meet his eyes. Relief washes over you as you don’t detect a hint of disappointment in his eyes. He isn’t smiling but something in you tells you he isn’t angry. You don’t realise you’ve been staring into his oh-so blue eyes until his pager beeps, shaking you out of your reverie.

“..Uh- I’ll see you around, Dr. Ramsey.” You can almost swear that you see longing etched into his chiseled features as you lose yourself in his eyes once more.

“Likewise, Valentine.” With that, he turns around and stalks away.

You sigh and lean against the wall, the events since you started your residency swirl around like a hurricane filled with memories.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

******************************************

And this concludes Season 1 of Medically Inevitable!

Authors’ Note:- Hey everyone, hope y’all enjoyed this chapter! As you’ve probably seen before, this is the last chapter of Season 1! Season 2 will be out soon, as soon as we work out the kinks and pump out a few chapters with different moodboards and title themes! Season 2 will be much more eventful, more drama, angst and shocking cliffhangers mixed in with the string of festivities that Thanksgiving and Christmas bring! Stay tuned and check our blogs and Instagram’s (same handle) for more updates! And lastly thank y’all so much for all the support, we are extremely grateful.

Love,

@drariellevalentine & @mysticaurathings

Medically Inevitable Taglist:- @whimsicallywayward15 | @iemcpbchoices | @sizzlingcashherohumanoid | @archveexz | @deepikakkannan | @nishas-paradise | @maurine07 | @archxxronrookie | @adrex04 | @everythingchoices | @rivenni | @annekebbphotography | @mrsethanfreakingramsey | @jamespotterthefirst | @natureblooms24 | @katkart122 | @udishaman | @hopelessromantics4life | @custaroonie | @mvalentine | @queencarb | @lisha1valecha | @ezekielbhandarivalleros | @ejrownsme @the-pale-goddess | @justanotherrookie | @miss-smrxtiee | @missmiimiie | @choicesfics | @romewritingshop | @taniasethi | @keithandlevi-ontheroof | @choicesfan10 | @open-heart-ramseyyy | @crookedkittyperson | @sistatribe | @tsrookie | @starrystarrytrouble | @caseyvalentineramsey | @alina-yol-ramsey | @openheartthot | @gryffindordaughterofathena | @binny1985 | @groovypalacehorselover | @akshara16 | @epiclazershark | @aarisa-frost | @shanzay44 | @jooous | @angela8754 | @red-rookie |

[lovemalecforever]

Chapter 18

Silver is the color of the moon.

*The next day*

Everyone was at Catarina's apartment, pacing in her living room or fidgeting with their dresses while waiting for Alec to arrive. Before Alec went to the forest for the awakening of his powers they decided to set the get-together at Catarina's place the next day so that they could comfortably discuss about his new powers and his feelings towards it. But things took a turn when Jace told them about what happened and the silver glow of his Parabatai rune. Now, they were all worried about Alec and were getting impatient by every passing second.

The awakening of his powers was a little overwhelming for Alec, Angel Ithuriel had been there for him the whole day and told and taught him about his new powers. He guided him and assigned him one of his winged nephilim for his further training as he's the new winged nephilim and also provided him with a way to contact him. Alec was somewhat glad that he got ahold of his new powers quickly, though his shoulders still hurt a little but it's better now. He still needed to get used to his new appendages, but he knew that he would in some time.

As he reached Catarina's apartment, he rang the bell. Catarina quickly opened the door with her magic, as soon as he walked in every eye was on him with a worried expression on their faces.

"Why are you all looking at me like that!?" He asked, uncomfortable with being the attention of the room.

"Alec!" Max yelled with excitement, ran towards him, and hugged him tightly.

"Hey, Max!"

"Alec, are you okay? We were all worried about you!" Maryse said and hugged her son tightly.

Alec returned the embrace. "Yes, mom. I'm fine. Why are you all so worried about me?" He asked, confused.

"Alec, your shirt! It's torn in the back, what happened, big brother?" Izzy asked worriedly.

"Umm.. that! That's for the wings! On that note, Catarina, I'll be needing your help to make space for it and glamor them. I can't keep tearing my clothes!" Catarina nodded. "Why are you all so worried, though?" He asked.

"Alec, our... our Parabatai rune.. it glowed in silver! I've been feeling restless since then.. are you okay, buddy?" Jace's voice was filled with concern making him sigh.

"That's because I am. I trained the whole day with Angel Ithuriel!"

As on cue, Catarina summoned a comfortable settee for Alec, more sofas for everyone and they all settled down.

"Thank you, Cat!" Alec stretched out on the settee, ignoring the crowd.

"That still doesn't answer the silver glow, kid, what about that?" Luke asked.

"I guess that's because my powers and wings are silver. Okay, it still sounds weird!" Alec sighed again, it's gonna take a hell lot of time to get used to it.

"You.. have silver wings.." Jace trailed off as his jaw fell open.

"By the angel, big brother! I still can't process it!" Izzy blinked in astonishment.

"Can you show them to us, Alec?" Max asked excitedly. Even as a teenager, he was still a kid.

Alec looked at Max, then his whole family, and they all had the same glint of excitement in their eyes. "Okay, but I need some space!"

He stood up and walked towards the center of the living room, making sure there's nothing breakable or sharp around him. Once he was sure he's in a clear space, he closed his eyes and focused on his wings, his shoulder blades pained a little, his skin cracked beside them, but didn't bled this time, soon enough a pair of huge appendages were hanging on his sides.

He opened his eyes and saw that his whole family was looking at him with awe and astonishment. Their jaws were on the floor, literally.

A loud gasp broke their trance, which was from Simon. They all looked at him but he was still looking at Alec. "Alec, your... your eyes.. it's..-"

"Silver!" Jace finished for him, earning a collective gasp from everyone.

"Wow!" Max and Clary said in unison.

"Sorry to break the moment but, I've never heard about angels being silver, from whatever I've read in that book, is it normal?" Catarina asked, curiosity visible in her voice. With being a downworlder, seeing a literal angel standing in front of her was beyond unimaginable.

"It's rare, but it is." Alec answered and explained to them everything that Angel Ithuriel had told him.

Everyone was speechless, not knowing how to respond but their eyes were talking for them.

"Can I touch them?" Max asked curiously, breaking the silence of the room.

"Of course, young boy!"

Max quickly ran towards him and reached his hand up to the feather he could, then traced it gently. It was soft and silky under his touch, it fluttered when Max ran his palm around it and curled itself around Max's body.

"Woah!" Max squealed.

"I'm just hugging you, Max, relax." Alec said with a broad smile on his face and ruffled his brother's hair.

"Ugh! Alec!" Max protested and everyone burst into laughter.

"Can I sit now? I'm tired." Alec said as he concealed his wings again, and eyes turned back to their natural hazel shade.

Everyone nodded and they settled back in their respective seats. That's when Catarina realized something.

"Wait! Alec, are you comfortable on the settee? Your wings must be glamoured but they could be hurting-"

"Cat, relax! They aren't glamoured, they're inside my body next to my shoulder blades and spine."

"Wait, what?" Jace asked, panic creeping inside him. Others were mirroring his expressions.

"Okay, relax all of you. I could glamor them too, but this is also a way to hide them."

"Alec, I'm confused, honey, how could those huge pairs of wings fit inside.." Maryse trailed off, shock and panic visible in her eyes.

"Mom, everyone, relax. They aren't huge when they're inside." Alec took a deep breath and continued. "Okay, I'll explain from the start. As Angel Ithuriel told me, and I said earlier, there are two ways to hide the wings, I could glamor them, but they'll still be there, which will be uncomfortable for me whenever I'll sit or lay down or when I'm in small space.

The other way is to shrink and minimize them back into my body, from where they originate, next to my shoulder blades and spine. There's a permanent scar over that area now, and if you focus on it you can see the tiny miniaturized wings there. It's painful in the beginning but with practice and time, the pain will fade away. It's more comfortable like this, I don't have to struggle with them at least. It's weird right now, but he said by time it'll become my second nature." Alec concluded, and looked at his family, they were all relaxed now.

"That's why my back is hurting and feeling heavy." Jace said, who was trying to adjust his shoulders for a long time.

"He's been like this since yesterday, Alec. He's restless and didn't even sleep properly." Clary said, worry clearly visible in her voice for her boyfriend.

"Don't listen to her, Alec, I slept fin... how's the pain suddenly gone and I'm feeling better, like strong and refreshed and energetic. How?" He looked at his Parabatai with curious eyes.

Everyone looked between them with surprised expressions on their faces. Alec looked at his Parabatai and smiled.

"I just focused on my Parabatai rune, then Iratze, Nourishment, Stamina, and calm anger rune." Alec shrugged. Everyone's eyes went wide.

"Hold on, What? How did you do that without using stele?" Jace asked.

"just like you do, idiot. the only difference here is that we can activate each other's rune instead of only ours. first focus on our Parabatai rune then the one you want to activate."

"Okay...." Jace said, unsure then closed his eyes and focused on his runes.

"Seriously, Jace! Clarity rune?" Alec shook his head.

"Okay.... Now that's pretty cool!"

"You were worried about our Parabatai bond earlier, right? Well, to answer your questions, our bond got stronger than before because of my powers, we can activate each other's runes without using stele, but it had to be used only in battles or emergencies and is only possible when we're together. I did it to show you how it works."

Everyone's jaws were on the ground as they witnessed their conversation.

"By the angel! That's amazing! But, not fair, you both are going to be stronger than me and Clary." Izzy fake pouted, earning Alec's legendary eye roll.

"That made me remember, where's my stele?" Alec asked and Izzy handed him his stele.

"Jace, come here." Alec said in his Inquisitor tone and Jace obeyed. Alec activated his stele and drew a rune on the back of Jace's arm, he asked him to activate his stele and draw the same rune on him, he was confused but did as he was told.

"Angel Ithuriel provided me this rune, it's a rune only for Parabatais, it got lost centuries ago. It's called lost sight. If there's an emergency or danger and we're not together, you can activate this rune and I will be able to see through your eyes and will be able to know and track your location." Jace was completely dumbfounded and so were the others.

"Alec! I.. I can't believe it.. I.." Jace stuttered, he didn't know why but he had tears in his eyes.

"Seriously, Jace! I told you we're always going to be Parabatais, no matter what!" He kept his stele down on the table and wrapped his brother in a tight hug.

Everyone had smiles on their faces.

"That's so cool! What else can you do Alec?" Max asked, still curious about his brother's new powers.

"Alec, do you have more power? This was already too much to process, sweetheart." Maryse said with concern and tiredness.

"Ah, yeah.. I kind of do, Mom. Cat, can you summon as many plants as possible in this living room?"

Catarina nodded and filled the whole room with different kinds of plants. From small to large of different varieties. "Alec, I'm confused as hell right now, my whole room is filled with plants. What are you up to?"

"Calm down, Cat! Also, can you and Simon stay back for this? This could hurt you both if you stay up close."

The two downworlders exchanged a look and stood as far as possible, not knowing what Alec was up to. When Alec was sure they were as far as they could get, he focused his mind and energy on the plants surrounding him. His eyes went icy silver again, and a thread of bluish silver started dancing on his finger tips.

He stretched his hands out and created a small ball of energy, the faint blues and silver interwining with each other. The whole room was filled with calming surroundings, it was peaceful and the ball was like a calming trance of everyone except for Catarina and Simon.

"Alec, please stop!" Simon begged, he and Cat were trying to move backwards as much as they could. The energy of the ball was creating a severe headache for him.

"Sorry!" He focused again and scattered the energy in all the plants. His eyes went back to normal again.

"W.. What happened? That power.. it was.." Maryse trailed off, her eyes were hazy and she felt like she was in some other world.

"Mom! Oh god! I should've asked you to stay back too. I'm sorry! Are you okay?" He ran towards her and helped Luke in sitting her down. She looked between them in confusion.

"Alec, what happened to her? That energy, it felt like.."

"Peaceful and.. and calming." Izzy said.

"And nice!" Clary added.

"For nephilims, yes it's like how you're describing it, but for mundanes, it's the same but much stronger. Mom, are you okay? I'm sorry." He asked, worry and guilt filled in his eyes.

"Yes, Alec I'm fine, just a little dizzy. Don't apologize, honey, it's fine, I'm okay." She reassured him.

"And I guess for us downworlders, or demons, it's dangerous and deadly." Simon said.

Everyone looked at them and gasped. Simon had his fangs out and Catarina was in her true form, her blue skin visible with long white hair snaking around her.

"By the angel! Simon, Catarina, I'm so sorry!"

Once Catarina was in control of her magic again, she glamoured herself and vanished all the plants. Simon had glamoured his fanga as well then they walked forward

"It's okay Alec, I'm fine. We both are. But, magic? There was no mention of that in the book. So how do you possess?" Catarina asked curiously.

"I do have it but it's only when I'm around nature. But it's nothing like what you, Magnus or other warlocks possess. From what Angel Ithuriel told me, not every angel has magic, it's rare to find angels with full magic. Guess I got lucky." Alec shrugged.

"Wait, Alec, so you can fly too, right?" Simon asked, knowing it was a dumb question, but he still asked, earning a look of disbelief from everyone.

"Yes, Simon, I can, but I'm still learning it. Angel Ithuriel had told me some basics but he had assigned me another winged shadowhunter for my further training. He has provided me with his details and how I can reach him."

Everyone's eyes went wide with the revelation. "How many immortal shadowhunters are out there, which no one knows about!?" Luke asked.

"Angel Ithuriel told me I'm the fifth one. Kasper, the one which I've researched was the first one. I don't know about the one who's going to train me, maybe he can tell me more."

"And what's that angel's name?" Jace asked, a hint of jealousy clear in his tone.

Alec suppressed his smile. With their bond becoming stronger, he could feel his jealousy clearly. "His name is Daniel Nightstorm."

"Nightstorms? Their line ended decades ago. They were never heard of anymore." Maryse said, a little surprised by this piece of information.

"I think we should call it a day, now. This is all a lot to process in, even for Alec." Luke said, and everyone nodded.

They all hugged Alec once again and said their goodbyes. Alec stayed at Catarina's to get some rest properly for sometime then with her help he made space for his wings in all of his clothes which he brought and Catarina glamoured them in that area.

The rest of the day was like a blur for him, he attended the meeting which they preponed which as usual went not so interesting, then completed the paperwork he was supposed to for his inquiry visit. By the time he was done it was late at night but he didn't care, he wanted to get back to his husband, his home. His family argued with him that he could leave the next morning but he eventually won and said his goodbyes to his family and left for Idris.

*****************************

As Alec stood beside his apartment door, he took a nervous deep breath. He didn't get a chance to talk to Magnus that day and his husband didn't know that he was coming back late at night so it'll be a nice surprise for him. He took a deep breath again and opened the door.

As soon as he entered the apartment his nostrils filled with a foul smell which was floating in the whole apartment which was dimly lit. He took in the state of the room which felt like it wasn't cleaned in decades, there were several half empty or full packets of take out scattered on the floor, some leftovers of food were placed on the coffee table and the glass table near the couch, broken shards of numerous glasses were scattered on the kitchen floor and in center of the living room, a empty bottle of whiskey was kept on the kitchen slab. He took in the scene and sighed heavily, rubbing the crease formed on the bridge of his nose.

He looked around and spotted water bamboo on one shelf. To his advantage they both were nature lovers and had many house plants in their apartment like Oxalis, Aloe Vera, Snake plant, different types of ferns and Anthurium. He focused on the lot at once, extracted their mixed scents and spread it in the whole apartment replacing the foul smell. He sighed then started walking towards their bedroom, avoiding the scattered shards of glasses.

"Magnus!? Mags!?" He shouted, his voice echoing on the whole apartment filled with dullness.

He opened his bedroom door and his eyes widened with horror. His husband was curled around in the center of the bed, sheets and pillows scattered around the floor,  eyes  bloodshot with his makeup all smudged and flowing down. His hair was down and messy and the man was completely naked, looking paler, lacking his usual natural glow. Alec's heart raced badly as he sprinted and sat beside Magnus.

"Magnus!? Mags? Love, wake up." From up close he could see that his lips were cracked and bleeding, and it looked like he hadn't taken a shower in days.

"Angels!! Magnus? Mags, wake up love. Please."

Magnus stirred, his eyes were heavy and he could taste metal in his mouth.

"Magnus? Hey, wake up love."

Magnus blinked his eyes when he spotted a figure next to him.

"A.. Alexander?" His voice was rough and croaky from his dry throat.

"Mags! Hey, what happened here?"

He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "Alexander... W.. Water... I..."

Before he could complete Alec was back with water and some soaked cotton balls in his hands. He put it on the side table and helped his husband to sit properly, then cleaned the blood with the help of cotton balls. After making sure there was no blood on his lips he helped him with water.

"Slowly, Mags!" His eyes were filled with worry the whole time.

"M.. More.."

He filled the glass with more water and placed it on his lips. His fast heart beats refusing to slow down. "Magnus!? How long has it been since you've eaten anything or drank water?" He asked softly, voice laced with concern.

Once Magnus was in his full senses with enough water in his system, realization dawned on him. He lowered his eyes, unable to meet his shadowhunter's.

"Mags!" He said softly and placed his hand gently on his husband's cheeks. Magnus couldn't hold it any longer and tears started running down his cheeks.

Alec quickly placed the glass on the table and wrapped his husband in a tight hug. He winced in pain when Magnus unknowingly tightened his grip just above his left wing scar. He suppressed it down and let his warlock cry on his shoulders.

Magnus didn't know what to do, he couldn't meet his shadowhunter's eyes but he needed him, badly. 'What have I done!? How am I supposed to tell you that I..I kissed.. Camille.. that I.. I cheated.. No! It was Camille.. b.. but I got weak.. I let my guards down. I'm not ready to lose you. I can't. Not again. I don't know if I could, but if not telling you means having you for long enough, I'll add it to my existing pile of secrets.' he thought.

When Magnus' crying slowed down, Alec held his face in his hands and placed his lips softly above his eyes and pecked them gently.

"Magnus? What happened here? Are you okay now?"

"I.. Alexander.. I.." He sniffed, not knowing what to say but he couldn't keep everything from him. He could tell him half the truth, leaving the part where he cheated on his precious Alexander.

"Mags, look at me!" He spoke softly. "What happened, love?"

Magnus looked at him but still couldn't meet his eyes. "C.. Camille happened."

Alec's eyes widened with the information. Several thoughts started running through his mind. "What!? Was.. was she here? Did she hurt you?"

"No, I was at a client's.. when she... she's a vampire again, way more stronger.. more.." he trailed off and started crying again. "I'm sorry, Alexander!"

"Magnus, there's nothing to apologize for. I'll kill her if I see her again." He seethed with anger and wrapped his husband in a tight, comforting hug. He knew his husband was vulnerable right now, and Camille would have tried her way to get to him. Whatever she has done, she'll definitely pay for it.

He broke their hug when he felt his warlock getting relaxed under his touch.

"When did it happen, Magnus?"

"Th... this evening, seven to eight hours ago."

Alec sighed. "And you haven't eaten anything since then?"

Magnus shook his head, fidgeting with his husband's fingers absentmindedly, which were placed on his lap.

"Love, whatever she did, don't overthink it, okay. I'll make dinner for us."

"No, Alexander, I'm fine, there's no.."

"Magnus! I'm going to make dinner, you rest, okay?"

Magnus nodded, he couldn't bring himself to tell him the whole truth. Alec quickly prepared a dinner of spaghetti with meatballs for them and  took it to his husband, with a glass of juice for him. He fed his husband properly then helped him to clean up and changed him into more fresh and comfortable clothing. He himself changed into his night dress and cuddled closely to his husband.

"A.. Alexander, I.. I'm sorry, I was.. the apartment, I couldn't..." he was unable to form a proper sentence, he wanted to be with his shadowhunter, but the guilt was strong.

"Shh, Mags. It's okay. I don't care about the apartment, we'll clean it tomorrow. All I care about is you. Just sleep, okay. You need proper rest."

Magnus nodded and snuggled into his husband's chest, needing all the touch he could get from his shadowhunter. Alec kissed him on the top of his head, stroking his thick silky hair gently, he tangled their legs together and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. He kept stroking his hair until his warlock slept peacefully beside him then he dozed off to sleep himself.

[azaerlyn]

A chill ran down her spine as she exited the bar and she pulled her sweater tighter around her for warmth as she began walking down the street toward the bus stop. 

She knew better than to leave the bar alone, what with all of the recent disappearances that had been happening lately, but she was tired and wanted to go home. She wasn't a party girl, the bar wasn't her scene, but she went anyway because it was her cousin's birthday and would have felt guilty if she hadn't shown up for at least a couple of hours. The group had been too wasted to notice her slip out the door, having only had a couple of fruity cocktails. 

As she neared the end of the block an unwelcomed feeling overcame her. She braced herself against the corner of the brick building and closed her eyes tight, dizziness waving through her head as she felt her body become weak. 

They stood back, watching her. Waiting for the right moment. The drug the bartender had slipped into her last drink hadn't taken full effect yet but it was working. Yes, it was all going according to plan. One of them chuckled darkly, eyes darkening as he watched her uneasily round the corner into the alley to sit against the wall in an attempt to regain her senses. She was falling right into their trap. 

"Now!" hissed the second

This one was impatient. Always ready to jump on their prey and take her as his own without thinking of the consequences that would form if the abduction wasn't done just right. 

"Not yet." 

The older, larger, and more sensible of the group shushed his partner with a finger to his pointed lips. His eyes never left the poor girl who was fading quickly. 

"Help" came a quiet mewl 

"Now" the leader growled 

The second man scrambled out from the dumpster and hurried over to the inebriated girl, changing into character before he knelt beside her.

"Miss?" He asked, holding her head up and looking into her eyes

He felt his cock twitch along the lining of his pants as her green eyes flickered up at him weakly. They appeared desperate, lost, scared. He resisted the urge to lick his lips and continued the facade. 

"Help me" she whispered "I..I don't feel.."

"Shhhh, Darling, take it easy. Don't look so good, did you have one too many?" He chuckled softly "Do you have a cell phone? I'll call for help."

With little strength she pulled her phone out of her pocket, her energy giving way as it fell out of her hand onto the ground. He picked it up as her body slumped over into his chest, eyes closing as she faded into unconsciousness. 

He made quick work of making sure no traces of her or him would be found. He held the mobile device in his hand, chanted a quick spell, and watched as it burned to ash against his palm. Dropping the remaining soot to the ground he picked up her bag and lifted her easily onto his shoulder. 

"Let's go." The eldest took one last glance over his shoulder before opening the back door to a building and they entered, a flash of red light appearing behind them as they stepped through the portal with their victim. 

"Put her down, on the grate." 

"You know, Kenaji, one day I'm going to get sick of taking orders from you." 

"Is today that day, Dane?" The leader stood, broad chest taught and dark eyes narrowed, challenging the inferior one "You want to do this now, because I'm ready."

"No, man, come on we have a job to do." Dane muttered, looking away

"That's what I thought." Kenaji laughed, teeth shining with a cheeky smile at his victory

Dane rolled his eyes and placed the unconscious girl on the ground, laying her body across the metal grate and shackling her limbs to the metal bars. 

"Should we start now or wait for Benji?" Kenaji asked as he looked over the girl's body

"Start now." Dane shifted from one foot to another as he rubbed his hands together

"Figures. Go on, have your fun before she comes to." Kenaji rolled his eyes and sat down in the black leather chair

Dane knelt down between the girl's splayed legs and ran a hand up one of them.  As he went further the hem of her dress rose, exposing her thighs. 

"Look how smooth and pale she is." Dane commented as he slapped her thigh hard "Oh yeah, this one's going to mark up nice and red for us."

"Just don't damage this one. You know how He feels about damaged goods." 

"He can lick my ass." Dane muttered as he held out his hand above the girl

A silver knife appeared and he gripped it, running it down her body until he got to the exposed panties. He quickly sliced the cotton material off of her, paying no attention to the small starry print on them as he ripped them away from her crotch. 

"Fuck, look at that pussy. Looks so tight." Dane growled 

He ran his thumb through the folds of her vagina, brushing it against her clit. With his other hand he removed his cock, stroking it as he coaxed the nub out of it's hiding place. 

"Alright, baby doll, you ready?" He laughed, knowing that she couldn't consent

Dane positioned himself at her entrance and shoved his cock inside her dry hole. It didn't hurt him because demon cock was always slick from constantly being in heat. The girl's poor pussy, however, would be sore upon awakening but that would soon be the least of her worries once they really got started with her. 

Once Dane had unloaded his hot cum inside of her he pulled out, put his cock away, and walked over to the fridge standing in the corner. The contents of the fridge mostly held concoctions of  drugs used on the victims but even demons get thirsty after strenuous activity. 

"Toss me one, would you?" the third man asked as he stepped through the portal and into the room

"About time you got here." Dane tossed a beer to his comrade and smirked "How was work?" 

"Shut up." 

Benji, the youngest of the trio, hated being the worker bee. He was the one with the charisma, the "people skills", so naturally he would be the one to land the jobs that would discreetly allow him to scope out the next victim. Their Boss wanted specific types of girls lately so just grabbing them off the street without taking a few notes first was no longer an option. 

"Boys, don't fight. We got to get a move on with this one. He's going to want her quick especially with how disappointed he was with the last one" Kenaji glared at Dane

"What?" Dane shrugged in feigned innocence "Stupid cunt deserved it." 

Kenaji just glared at Dane as he stood from the chair. He made his way over to the girl and waved his hand over her. The rest of her clothes tore into shreds, leaving her completely exposed to their gaze. Her nipples hardened as the cold air hit them, causing all three men's cocks to stiffen as they thought of the possibilities. 

Their victim began to stir, chains rattling as she attempted to work her limbs. Small whimpers and helpless moans left her lips as her eyes fluttered open. 

"Showtime" 

Benji clapped his hands together as he knelt down at the girls side. Dane took his place at her head and Kenaji knelt between her spread legs. 

"Wha-" the girl muttered as clarity began to return "Wher-?"

Upon realizing that she was chained against a cold metal surface and that three large and intimidating men were surrounding her she began to struggle. 

"None of that now" Kenaji's deep voice spoke as he placed his hands on her shaking legs "Not gonna get out of these, so you might as well save your energy."

"You're going to need it" Benji laughed 

"Please!" She flailed more, attempting to cover her exposed body "Where am I? What do you want with me?" 

"Well, Sweetheart, you're in Hell." Benji smiled, sharp teeth shining against the flickering candle light "And it isn't us who wants you."

"Hell?! Am I dead? I don't understand, I'm a goo-"

"A good girl. Yes." Kenaji shook his head as he squeezed her thighs "They all say that, but it's never true. You're not dead. You see, we used a little black magick to transport you across the realm without harming your physical body. We need you perfectly intact to meet the Master."

"M-master? Lucifer?" 

"Enough. Gag her and let's get started." Kenaji ignored her question and began to run his hand over her pussy

"No, please!" She screamed and flailed at the touch, begging them to let her go "This isn't real, this can't be happening!"

"Oh it's real, whore. It's very real." Dane said as he produced a ball gag from thin air 

Upon seeing the gag she instantly tightened her mouth shut, shaking her head vigurously. 

"Open wide, bitch" Dane slapped her across the face but she did not relent. He sighed. "A little help here, Benny?'

"For the six billionth time, Fuck Face, it's Benji." 

The demon reached over and pinched his fingers around the girls nose, blocking all air flow while she continued to keep her mouth closed. 

"Fighting us is cute, but it'll only entertain us for so long." Kenaji said as he rubbed his finger in a circle around her clit 

Within seconds she gave up the fight and gasped for air, barely getting a full breath into her lungs as Dane pushed the gag between her teeth and secured it. Sharp intakes of air and snarles left her nose as she felt tears roll down her cheeks. 

"Oh quit crying, we haven't even got to the worst part yet." Dane slapped her again before kneeling back to his place beside her 

"Watch closely boys. I'm going to show you how to break a slut like this one in nice and quick." Kenaji smirked down at the girl as he pushed the long black hair away from his face "You are a slut, aren't you?"

She shook her head furiously, arms still pulling at the restraints. 

"Oh but you are." Benji chimed in, reaching out to grasp a nipple and squeeze it "I know all about you. You think me pouring you a drink at the bar was our first interaction? It wasn't."

As Benji spoke Dane handed Kenaji the tools needed to begin his process. A bottle of warming lube and a vibrating wand joined the space between her outstretched legs and the lead demon began to prepare her pussy. 

"I've been following you for weeks now, you just didn't know it. I've watched you go to work, volunteer at the animal shelter, grocery shop…" Benji paused to squeeze her breasts in his hands, kneading them hard as she squealed with fright "I've even watched you shower."

Her eyes widened at the thought and her mind raced  back to her recent showers. For a split second she almost forgot that Kenaji's fingers were finding their way inside of her used hole, still sticky with cum, and she winced as the tenderness of being raped with Danes' long and thick shaft shot through the muscles of her pussy. 

"You guys want to know what my favorite part about spying on this slut was though?" Benji laughed, flicking a nipple "Watching her cum to all that filthy, degrading porn she watches." 

Her cheeks reddened and her chest flushed with humiliation. She writhed her hips to try to attempt escape but that only made Kenaji's fingers slide deeper inside her. 

"I knew you were a slut" laughed Dane

She began to cry, muffled protests and please left the gag. They fell on deaf ears as Kenaji thrust his fingers in and out of her. 

"You've thought about this. Being taken, used, fucked like a piece of meat." Benji growled "Now you're going to get your wish." 

She screamed as she felt Kenaji's hand slide into her, fisting her sore pussy now. She trashed as much as her bonds let her and Benji held up a hand as Dane went to hold her down. 

"Let the little cunt fight it, let's see how long it takes her to figure out that the more she squirms the harder she fucks herself against Kenaji's fist."

She instantly stilled her efforts at the statement and was met with a series of "awws" from the three demons. 

"No, go on, keep fighting it." Kenaji urged "Turn yourself into a fuck puppet on my hand. No? Alright, we'll make you then."

Another scream attempted to fall through her gag as the vibrator was turned on and pressed against her budding clit. She thrashed as much as she could against the grate, screaming for it to stop. It didn't stop. In fact they kept going. Dane and Benji slapped and pulled at her tits, Dane choked her while Benji laid a series of punches across her chest and stomach, all while Kenaji continued to fist and vibrate her pussy. After several minutes of the treatment her body began to betray her. Her pussy pulsed around the hand inside it and her clit fluttered against the head of the toy. The pleasure of orgasm overtook her, distracting her from the pain, and soon she was shuddering. She panted as she came down, hoping that they would stop. It continued. For hours they beat her, tortured her tits, pulled at the hairs of her pussy, and made her cum over and over again until she thought she would pass out. Dane reached up and removed the gag and shoved three fingers into her mouth. He pushed to the very back of her throat, causing her to gag as she came again. As he removed his hand a stream of spit came with it and he wiped it across her face in disgust. 

"Filthy fucking animal" 

A slap across  her face didn't phase her. Her pussy was on fire and she knew she couldn't cum again. 

"No..more...please" she feebily shook her head, the fight long gone

"No, Baby Girl, you don't get to say when you've had enough." Kenaji punched his fist into her again, his knuckles brushing against her cervix. She wailed. "You're going to cum for me until I'VE had enough"

The growl that ended his sentence sent a shudder through her entire body and she shook, her limbs tensing hard and her body convulsing. 

"Three…" he began as he rubbed the vibrator over her clit harder 

"No, please!"

"Shut up, cunt!" Benji hissed 

"Two..come on, you can do it, give me one more."

Kenaji's tone was encouraging now. Coaxing her to be a good girl for him, to give him what he asked for. She couldn't wrap her head around the sudden softness in his demeanor but whatever he was doing was working. 

"That's my good little cum slut. You ready to give it to me, Baby Girl? Come on...CUM NOW!"

The scream that left her body as she exploded into orgasm echoed throughout the hallways of Hell's dungeon. Prisoners, slaves, and the Master's harem of playthings could all hear the gruelling, devastating sound of her soul being twisted as she lost control to the demons. They shuddered, thankful that it wasn't them this time, and winced as the reminder of knowing they would continue to be tortured resignated which each piercing shriek from behind the iron door. 

Her eyelids fluttered and she gasped for air, feeling darkness overcome her. 

"Good little slut" Kenaji chuckled as she collapsed against the metal grate, falling back into unconsciousness. 

As they rose from the floor to leave her there, dripping with her own juices that was dropping through the bars and down to the discarded sluts chained below, Benji made a slight twitch of his fingers over her and smirked. Her slumber wouldn't be peaceful with the images he'd placed in her head. He walked away as she began to whimper in her sleep. 

To Be Continued…

[lvnatiq]

Cheers to the mess pt.1 |

Nicky Valentino x Reader

a/n: Hello, my love. So this was based on the idea of Jealous!Nicky Valentino. Let me know if you have any suggestions or questions about anything concerning my writing or Nicholas Valentino because my heart, soul and ass belongs to him truly. By the way, I proofread for the first time so make a wish while you’re at it lmao.

-Italic phrases in quotation marks are indicating readers inner monologue, meanwhile, words in italic are used to emphasize the meaning of the word itself-

warnings: usage of inappropriate language, slight angst.

The night is still young, the speakeasy is filled with the late-night conversations of people with humorous expressions and the delightful sound of the jazz music. You, on the other hand, curiously explored your surroundings as the sweet and sour taste of your booze lingered on the tip of your tongue. You asked Ralph to let you have some time with yourself while you were waiting for Nicky to come. You two spoke on the phone, arranging your rendez-vous, approximately two hours ago. Now, there you were sitting at a casual table in the speakeasy for an hour waiting for your sweetheart. Worried that something might've happened to him.

"Where is he? I hope the meeting didn't take a turn for the worst."

You thought to yourself as you tapped your fingers against the wooden material of the table, letting your anxiety get the best of you. Your eyes focused on the entrance gate of the speakeasy, wishing for him to stroll in at that moment. Today seemed like it wasn't your lucky day as your wishes are not being granted. The feeling of loneliness soon turned to utter boredom. The more bored you got, the more attractive the thought of losing yourself at the bar became.

"If I am about to let my stress romance it's way into giving me a nervous breakdown, at least I should get it a nice drink. It would be rude of me not to."

Your desire for a Manhattan led you to take a couple of steps towards the bar. Settling down on the stool, you slowly took off your gloves. The feeling of warmth left your fingertips, the cold surface of the glass table taking its place. The bartender took his shaker as he made his way towards your spot. You opened your mouth, eager to spill the magical name of your remedy.

"A Manhattan-"

"A Singapore Sling for the lady."

Your words were cut short by the silhouette of a stranger located behind your stool. This moment felt too familiar for your liking, almost like a Deja Vu. You slowly turned your head towards the unknown figure as they casually sat down beside you.

"Very rude of me to not introduce myself."

He said, extending his hand in your direction. The bartender's eyes followed the young man's gesture, holding an unreadable expression. You could feel the unusual tension in the air, nevertheless, you remained unbothered. Looking at his hand and then meeting his gaze, you extended your hand for a handshake. Your attempt went unnoticed as he gently turned your hand placing his lips on top of it.

"Matteo Bianchi."

The moment Matteo said his name, the bartender dropped his shaker, practically spilling whatever was inside of it. Shaken by the sound you averted your gaze to the bartender. His hands were shaking, hurriedly trying to clean up the mess he created. He glanced at you, his eyes had panic written all over them as if he was trying to tell you to be cautious, making you even more curious.

Unaffected by his gesture you slowly pulled your hand back as you directed your gaze back to the drink menu.

"Pleasure to meet you, Matteo."

You said, paying him no attention what so ever. Matteo laughed under his breath as he studied your figure. Your drink came into sight, you were still upset at not having your Manhattan.

"Where are you, Nicholas ?"

"I'm impressed that I managed to choose a drink that suited your aura well, miss...?"

You didn't want to give him your name but the reaction that the bartender gave at his name made you reevaluate your choices. Not wanting to cause trouble to anyone including yourself you took a sip from your drink as you responded.

"(y/n)."

You paused as you turned to him, letting your curiosity do the talking.

"How come this drink suits my aura well, Mr. Bianchi ?"

He smiled as he lifted his drink pointing it at your way.

"You seem like a bittersweet woman. Just like the drink."

You laughed, entertained by his way of using words, you decided to let yourself loose by following his game. Observing his looks for the first time, you realized that he was quite charming. His face reminded you of Paul Newman.

You let your thoughts wander as two women with enchanting appearances passed by greeting Matteo with flirtatious looks, giving you a death stare on the side.

"Alright, you seem pretty involved with bittersweet women."

Matteo laughed throwing his head back.

"Enough about bittersweet women-"

"Oh, so you want me out of here? Because I'll make it happen."

Your attempts at escaping failed as he caught you by your waist. Making you feel inevitably uncomfortable.

"Matteo, please-"

"Hands off."

The voice of the man you craved for the entire day has finally appeared. Nicky's harsh tone made Matteo take a step back. Then Matteo opened his arms wide, followed by his sarcastic tone.

"Man of the hour, Nicholas Valentino to whom do I owe the pleasure?"

Nicky placed his hand at the small of your back as he pulled you closer to him. His grip on you was tight, making you feel safer than before.

"I thought that we were supposed to meet next week."

Nicky said his eyes burning through Matteo's skull, filled with enough rage to kill him right on the spot.

"I need to settle it now, I have a meeting with Romano tomorrow. You don't want him to get the deal do you?"

Matteo said unconcernedly. You could hear Nicky curse under his breath. You placed your hand on his giving it a squeeze, trying to reassure him.

"Alright then, let's get this over with."

Nicky let his hand loose as he started to walk to the booth alongside Matteo. Appalled by his behavior, you started to follow their steps. They sat down and you moved to sit beside Nicky. Noticing that you followed them Nicky turned to you lowering himself as he whispered in your ear.

"Toots, would you mind giving us some space while you treat yourself at the bar?"

You looked at him, getting angrier each second passing by. Being kept in the dark wasn't something that you fancied.

"Excuse me? Are we really doing this again Nicky?" You said, your tone exposing your frustration. Your mind brings up memories of your first time in this speakeasy, where Nicky left you stranded because of business. But now you are a part of the Valentino family, so what was the problem.

His expression softens as he takes in a deep breath. You tried your best to understand what made him so uptight.

"You two... are you together?"

Matteo's voice made you snap out of your thoughts as you turned to Nicky, who was definitely not in a good state of mind seeing that he froze.

"Nicholas-"

"We're not together."

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. The waves of shock washed over you as you dropped your gaze on your hands. The thought of leaving right now seemed like a good idea but something inside of you was telling you to dig this situation deeper. This wasn't Nicky, you had to find out what was disturbing him so profoundly.

"Still that doesn't explain your overprotective response, Nicholas. Nonetheless, I am glad if Venus is single by any means."

"Let's get this venture over with, shall we Matteo?"

You wouldn't be lying if you said that this was the first time you saw Nicky this aggressive. He looked like he was so close to shot Matteo dead. You didn't say a word throughout their conversation. Patiently waiting for Nicky's breaking point.

The business they fussed about didn't seem skeptical at all. It was the usual, large amounts of illegal cash transactions and exchanging men for personal protection. Still, your questions remained unanswered. So you decided to follow up with plan B.

"If that's all, it's time for us to leave. Buona serata, Matteo."

Nicky said as he stood up. You, on the other hand, remained unruffled as you grasped your glass tightly completely ignoring him.

"So, Mr. Bianchi, you and Nicky seem to have a history. Do you two go way back? Based on something other than business-related, of course."

Upon hearing your voice Nicky slowly sat back. Taking in a deep breath, he averted his eyes to the bar. Trying to avoid Matteo's gaze.

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

"No, he did not."

Matteo let out a breathy laugh as he took a cigar out of the silver case placed in front of him. Nicky's hand sneaked up on top of yours under the table, holding it firmly. You intertwined your fingers with his.

"Have you ever heard of The Count of Monte Cristo, (y/n)?"

"Alexandre Dumas, how can I not? One of my favorite novels."

"You become even more interesting by the second, my dear."

Nicky started to pull on his collar to get it loose. His grip on your hand gets even tighter. You can feel the distress radiating over him but you had no choice, he wasn't planning on opening up to you when he should've.

"Our situation is similar to Dantès, Mondego, and Mercédès love triangle. Nicky thinks that I am the Mondego of our scenario."

Finally, it sinks in. Still searching for more clarity you ask,

"You betrayed him, by stealing his lover--"

"Aha! That's the part I am trying to justify for the past five years. I didn't steal her- Minchia! I didn't know that she and Nicky had a thing. I mean she ran after him for quite some time but Nicholas didn't give a shit. How could I know?"

"Matteo cut the bullshit."

Nicky said, eventually joining to your conversation. You most definitely understood the situation at last. At this point it wasn't important whether or not if Matteo was right or wrong, Nicky was insecure at the fact that there might be a possibility of such a thing happening. He couldn't take risks when it comes to you, so he just acted like you meant nothing to him as if that would make Matteo uninterested.

Now that your worries came to an end, your only interest was to get Nicky all riled up.

"I think I heard enough."

Both of them stopped their bickering, turning their appalled gaze towards your direction.

"It looks like we are dragging out our dirty laundries. Well then, let me do my part."

Your devilish smirk took over as your playful aura filled the air.

"So, there is this guy, or more like this utterly, unbelievably handsome fella that makes my heart flutter."

"Oh? Tell me more Venus."

You focused your gaze on Matteo, eyeing him from head to toe. Knowing damn well that Nicky was watching your every move.

"He is compassionate, determined, enthusiastic, fearless, hard-working, kind, loyal, and everything that only a real man can be."

"Gesù Cristo! Who is this man? Are you sure that he isn't just a piece of your beautiful imagination?"

You laughed at Matteo's words. You were savoring every second of this mess, meanwhile, Nicky was chugging his whiskey on rocks.

"I would say that he is a gift from the gods, but unfortunately he is lacking something very important."

"He must've stolen the devil's dime. What does such a man lack that made you back up?"

You looked at the pair of hazel eyes intently watching you. You took a couple of seconds, staring adoringly into his beautiful eyes. You caught yourself getting lost in the honey hue of them. His feelings dripping from his glance, telling a story that only his eyes could tell.

"He is not honest."

You said without separating your eyes from Nicky's. Matteo raised his eyebrows, looking at Nicky and then back at you.

"Do I know this fella?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I like my men bare, in various ways."

Nicky laughed under his breath, placing his hand on top of your thigh.

"Oh my, do you?"

You grasped his tie pulling him to yourself, your lips almost touching his.

"You have no idea-"

Matteo cleared his throat,

"I should get going, you wouldn't want your girl falling for me. I know that my charming nature could cause trouble for a lot of people."

He said as he gave you a wink,

"Get lost Matteo."

Nicky hissed as Matteo approached you taking your hand in his giving it a goodbye kiss.

"Pleasure to meet you, (y/n). I hope that one day you can introduce me to the guy that got you head over heels."

He said jokingly as he turned to leave. Nicky slowly leaned in to kiss you but you stopped him midway.

"I don't kiss random men that have nothing to do with me, Mr. Valentino."

He gave you a smirk that summarized his plans for tonight.

"I might have nothing to do with you, but I certainly have a lot to do to you toots."

You took the last sip from your now empty glass and lifted it in the air.

"Cheers to the mess, my darling."

Vocabulary:

Minchia: in this context used as fuck, as exclamation of surprise.

Gesù Cristo!: Jesus christ!

Buona serata: “have a good evening”

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (5/5)

A/N: The last chapter to this fic. It's a long one and I gotta say that I've had a lot of fun with this one. After I post this chapter, I'll be sure to post the masterpost for this fic. And of course it'll be available on ao3 soon enough.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

__________

Chapter 5: Adore You

If you had to draw a map to find the way home once you were captivated by the gaze of those trustworthy, soft eyes of his, you would surely run out of ink; pools of blue, unwavering in their affection, drew you in, and you were willing to drown in them. There were facets about them that fascinated you as much as the scales of a butterfly did; they did not shimmer, but they gleamed and sparkled; it's what made you pause and search for a wisp of an acquaintance that very first time you saw him; finding a familiarity that threatened to sweep you away. Why you even found fire in those eyes; it was there in his moments of determination and passion. Oh, how their color shifted with his moods was a type of magic you wanted to spend the rest of your life being mesmerized by. To be sure he wasn't mistaken, he dare not blink; exhibiting the full spectrum of what Billie Eilish described as ocean eyes; he had to be sure. "Y-you do?"

"Yes," you giggled. "I do."

It wouldn't occur to you till later, that he had given you a choice. For instead of the typical proposal question, where it was more asserted, Rick asked in a manner in which there was equal footing; it spoke volumes of the respect he had for you. With shaky hands, he slipped a ring whose stone was as clear and blue as his eyes and cut perfectly like a rose, the band covered in gold vines and silver leaves which weaved together; he made it himself, and if you thought back far enough, you could remember when he was ambiguous about his plans to create a new type of stone. Honestly, you didn't realize it would be for this.

"Gosh," he sniffled. "I-I promised myself that I w-wouldn't cry."

But cry he would; fat, sloppy tears that blinded one's vision. He wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, and fought to regain composure, but lost to the new wave which followed. You gently pried his hands away from his face, softening at his tear-stained cheeks. "It's okay, you can cry if you want to. I already know how tender you are."

Goodness, how long had he wanted to do this? For while it had almost been two years in which he had last attempted to, it might've been on his mind for much longer than that; eating away at his clarity; at the self-confidence that was torn down and repaired daily. You were grateful and proud that this man wanted you; that he finally gathered the courage to ask and do as he intended and wanted. You….you had wanted this to happen, but did he know that? Your ocean of inquisitions thought otherwise.

However, it was time to quiet and quell his despondent thoughts. Your fingers dug into the collar of his sweater; the tang of nervous sweat and something so him which wafted off him made you yearn to bring him closer. The puffiness about his eyes didn't discourage you from pressing a kiss at the corner of them and from his throat came a choked sob and you were surrounded by the sounds of his disbelief; this cacophony was breaking your heart. There had to be something you could do to ease him. "Ricardo," you started, "considering the suddenness of the occasion, should we, in like fashion…my dear honey man, would you like to get married today?"

This new tidbit caught him off guard; so much so that he stopped crying; good. Now, he was the one who was unsure of whether this was real life or a simulation. He ran his fingers through his hair, double-checked his equipment, sprayed himself with water, and completed equations that had taken this earth dimension's leading mathematicians decades to understand. What you thought was odd was when he caught a pigeon, scanned its anatomy, and found it was sound; you were going to have to ask him about it later. "Rick, did you hear me?"

"Y-yes," he focused, "but what d-do you mean today? How?"

You figured he would have easily come to a conclusion, but then again, what do spacemen have to do with the price of bread?

"I mean that we don't have to wait if you don't want to." You slid your palm over his tattoo, memorizing with your fingertips where his skin was slightly raised. "We can just go down to the justice of the peace if you'd like."

"And y-you would be my wife today?"

"Yes," you giggled. "I think that's how it works."

"But what about a-a…"

"A wedding ceremony?" you interrupted. "Well, we can have one later. We can plan it however you want, and invite all our friends. There can be so much celebration that we'll be knocked out for a week. Until then, I just want to make you happy, and I believe the sooner the better. Okay? So, if we're going to do this, just tell me now and I'll go get the proper paperwork."

It never ceased to amaze you how easily he flitted through emotions as though it were the weather, and with vigor, he lifted you up and vibrated with joy. "Boy, golly gee…this really - this really razzes my b-berries! This is…wow, I-I can't believe it."

You couldn't believe his word choice either. "Oh, you better believe it, because now you're stuck with me and I have you all to myself. However, you're going to have to put me down now because the office closes at five. There are a few things I need to do before then."

Letting you down, he happily waved goodbye despite the fact that it wouldn't take long to get what you needed for this impromptu occasion. Though, when you entered your house, you took a moment to think about your father. There were things you still didn't understand, like why he never told you about his friendship with Rick, or why you two never really discussed what he'd do if you got married; if he had been here, maybe you two would have talked about which flowers would look best as centerpieces; like whether roses or mums were cheerful enough or if this really was a good idea; if such an age gap was surmountable. Yet, in a way you felt as though you were honoring him; for your father and your mother had been unconventional and had gotten married without all the showy displays then road tripped a bit before settling here; you were simply following tradition.

Maybe, you didn't have to know about the why's and what-ifs, but focusing on what you could do seemed a whole lot easier to do. You kicked off your sneakers and dashed upstairs. You knew where your important documents were, but you thought that choosing a cute outfit would take a little longer. You wanted a certain vibe, one that would make things easier on him and then it came to you; why not revisit an old favorite; one that reminded you of his eyes; always, forever blue.

When you returned, you found him pacing around. He was deep in thought, and it took a moment for him to notice that you had returned. Almost comically, his eyes widened as he took in your appearance, and he started to cry again. "That's th-the dress. From that one time."

"It sure is."

With a twirl, you flaunted the blue chiffon dress, and felt like a dream; his visible adoration was not lost on you. It was a relief that this time you hadn't taken an hour to fuss or worry that you weren't dressed for the part, and you weren't wearing shoes which would kill your feet, but instead rocked some converse. "These shoes are made for walking and that's just what I'll do."

Unlike you, Zeta-7 wanted to fuss and choose something dressier, but you somehow managed to convince him that his blue button-up would be fine, and no tie was necessary; hidden ray guns were allowed just in case this happened to be the day that the Gromflomites attacked; not even Earth-based military scanners would be able to detect them. Though, you did allow him to fix up his hair, because one, you thought he was quite handsome with it combed back, and two, it's what he felt he needed to do to look the part. "How do I-I look?"

"Like the man I'm going to marry. Are you ready handsome?"

With a nod, he grabbed the folder with all the documents he needed. "Y-you bet."

______________

At the courthouse, the entire security staff grouped together and teased you about your keys; you should've known that you'd face trouble once you went through the metal detector; you had a lot of keychains; they were from the days when you and your father would go shopping together. Like Rick, he liked yard sales and thrift stores; sometimes he'd get grab bags and there would be vintage keychains, and he'd give them to you knowing you'd like them. You were told by one of the older guards that it wasn't natural for a grown woman to have a set of keys that weighed five pounds. Zeta-7 began to worry, but you told him you could handle it, and you figured the guards were bored and had nothing else to do. What you didn't tell them was that the main reason your keys were heavy was that you were carrying two sets; yours and your father's old keys; Rick knew, but he respected your wishes to leave it be.

Despite this, you two made your way to the right office; it only took fifteen minutes of going to lobby after lobby, free coffee, and endless rugs in all this indoor nothingness. And nobody knew better than Rick when it came to how much you hated paperwork, but nonetheless, you went through the painstaking process of signing this and that, wondering why they didn't make it easier for people by asking yes or no questions; this better not become someone's confetti. Rick breezed through it all, and you were slightly jealous that he knew what he was doing, but it was due to the fact that citadel paperwork was a lot more frustrating and difficult; he had to go through stacks of it weekly; poor man. While he sat quietly, you were in-between forms that had to be signed in triplicate and heard the gossip coming from the people who were working in the back of the office. What they didn't know was that their ignorance made you more determined; you'd fought your own expectations, that of others, as well as what seemed right to do long enough and no one, not even death itself was going to stop you from doing this; it was the best thing you could ever do for yourself and for him as well. You breathed a sigh of relief when you and Rick finally signed the marriage certificate; finally, it was done, and he watched rapturously as you set down the pen so that he could kiss you without refrain.

If you hadn't known better, you'd say the world shied away; dissolving into a plane of nothingness as he enveloped you with a strength that was deceptive for a man of his years; he had become a little more confident; it might've taken a few years, but all you knew was that it suited him. Being nurtured and cared for, as well as loved in the right sort of environment did wonders on Zeta-7; so much so, that he could hold the world in the palm of his hand and still manage not to damage it. It wasn't shocking that some found this outward display sweet, and you almost had hope for humankind, but then there was a laugh or two from the back; you made a mental note to consider moving off Earth. No one was going to ruin this moment for him, and relishing the moment, you chased his mouth for a second kiss; you know, to prove your point.

And if you hadn't already been proud of him, what made you even prouder was what he said on the way out. "Please stop laughing at m-my wife. Th-that's very rude."

His wife? Yes, you were his wife now. It's strange how you could wake up and wonder what you should have for breakfast and be here where you were now; in a whole new chapter of your life; wondering what will come next. Confusing yes, but not something to be afraid of; you welcomed this happy transition.

Back at the car, you were still recovering from his earlier outburst; the like which was almost out of character. "Did you see the look on her face? I thought it was going to fall off with how far her jaw dropped. Wasn't it a sight?"

Though, he was busy staring at the ring on his own hand which you had picked out when you two made a stop at a consignment shop earlier. It wasn't that complex like yours, but he loved it. "All I could see was - was you."

"You flirt."

You gave his shoulder a playful shove, and in turn, he laughed a full-on belly laugh; this happy noise was music to your ears. "Gosh, I-I mean it. Y-you, look so pretty today." A bit shyly, he commented. "Blue looks very good on you."

"Thank you. So, how should we celebrate? A trip to the moon perhaps? Going across the universe? Maybe a kaiju fight with Matango? Or watching Spiderman 2? Honestly, I'm game for anything."

You had decent shoes on and didn't care what he wanted to do because you were happy if he was happy. And as though it were just another afternoon, he glowed with happiness when he asked. "Mrs. Sanchez, do you - do you want to go get some ice cream?"

Some things will never change and you didn't mind that. "I'd love to. As the author, L.M. Montgomery once said, 'I guess ice cream is one of those things that are beyond imagination.' And, you know, it's so true. I intend to go all out with the toppings today. It's certainly that kind of occasion."

______

He couldn't seem to want to let go of your hand; as though the world would fall away if he didn't and that this would turn out to be a cruel dream. Still, you humored and spoiled him. As intended, you got all the toppings; Rick thought it was a kids dream come true with the amount of candy you had in your waffle bowl. And since you had enough to share, you took the liberty to feed him. He chatted on; offering charming stories from his band days; unlike other Ricks who were in a rock band called Flesh Curtains, his band had been a jazz and bossa nova trio; the band name had been comprised of a numerical equation; if you had named them you would've called them the Zeta Bytes.

Now, Rick wasn't a messy eater, but during one of his more excitable stories, he spilled a bit on the corner of his mouth. Ready with a napkin, you wiped it away, and couldn't help but laugh at how boyish it was. Giving your hand a squeeze, he absentmindedly brushed his thumb on the back of your hand; adoration coloring his voice. “You're t-t-too good to me.”

"There's no such thing. If anything, I gotta spoil you rotten."

You found no hindrance in his mood and this time he didn't think twice about kissing you then and there as he liked while you were still holding the napkin; fear and shame of public displays of affection being one less thing to worry about now. Who cared if your ice cream was melting, because your heart was melting; his mouth tasted of chocolate and promises. A soft chuckle escaped him as he pulled away; his promise whispered against your lips. "I-I promise I'll be good t-t-to you."

Being loved suited him; it really, really did wonders on his countenance and it made you wonder what else he could now do.

_________

By now you were a little tired, but Ricks contagious energy invigorated your spirits; you bet he could've come up with an invention and completed it today if he stayed this hyped up. Instead, he used that energy to make fresh rolls to go with the leftover acorn squash soup; you hadn't been that hungry, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. And when dinner had been eaten, you helped him with the dishes; nothing you hadn't done before, but his spirit was lighter and more at ease; he even bumped your hip with his as a gesture of playfulness. After cleaning up the kitchen, he decided that he'd like to take a shower and refresh himself and in the meantime, you stepped out into the backyard to enjoy the beauty of the night. In this part of town, despite the light pollution, you could see a fair amount of stars.

You had never studied astronomy, but Rick had shown you in diagrams and in textbooks of their names and explained how they were formed; to him, their complexity was like poetry, and it made them beautiful. You couldn't recite it by memory, but you had a feeling that beyond your current comprehension perhaps there was life amongst those heavenly bodies, despite the heat or deadly gases; if you had learned anything about space, it was that worlds were more along the lines of art and beauty than fields of science which were easily explained. Yet, in the air, where there was a sweet perfume, thick, but intoxicating, only where you were currently mattered; you saw that in the leftmost part of the yard there was jasmine which was currently in bloom; its blanket of flowers reminding you of snow. Hadn't you read of this somewhere before? Maybe.

In the grass near your feet, grasshoppers leaped away, and crickets chirped their songs. And you relished the strong breezes and the song of the night which may consume a melancholic heart if it were searching for tragedies instead of sweet dreams. And it had only been a few hours ago when you had thought that all of which transpired might've been a dream. Though, whatever truths that had come to light in the hours after the simulation, you were glad of them.

In the dark, sights and sounds were heightened and mesmerizing, albeit curious in its own right; if it hadn't been for the sound barrier Rick had on his property, you would've heard the obnoxious sound of the next-door neighbor's TV as they watched infomercials. Still, it was a beautiful night. Sitting on the bench which overlooked the whole yard, you thought of what wonderful things you'd like to share with Rick, and then he found you. For his part, he had changed into something more relaxed; into a light blue button-down that was similar to the one he was wearing earlier, but this one was softer, and it was paired with navy pants; it reminded you of blue pants Rick with his attire, but it was cute and suited him. With him, he had brought over a tray of goodies and you two ate cookies and cakes and drank earl grey under the moonlit night.

The pause in conversation gave allowances for observations. For example, you took a good long look at him as he sipped his tea; admiring how casual he appeared tonight. Without his labcoat or sweater, his identity seemed separate from that of his dimension jumping, scientist self; making way for the person deep inside; the friendly neighbor who won your heart without even trying. He noticed eventually that you had been staring at him, and he broke the silence with his inquiry. "What are y-you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about you cutie. You um….you look really good in those blue pants of yours. Thinking of taking up modeling anytime soon?"

"N-no," he answered with an air of obliviousness that you found endearing. "not unless my next work assignment requires it. Gee, why do you ask?"

"Hmm, it's because you wear your clothes well. I always thought you did, but I don't believe I ever mentioned it."

He ruminated on what you said for a few minutes, before setting down his cup. "Did you - did you always find me attractive?"

"No," you confessed. "but you're the only person I've ever really been attracted to. I…..I always liked the fact that our relationship was built on something more substantial. You see, the more I got to know you, the more irresistible I found you. Though," you winked. "those teeth of yours were always too cute to resist."

This truth of yours made him comfortable enough to relinquish one of his own. "C-can I tell you a secret?"

"It's not much of a secret if you tell me dear, but you can tell me anyway."

Wringing his hands together, he confessed solemnly. "That day y-you tripped on the sidewalk nearby my house, I-I almost decided not to cross the road."

Not cross the road? Hmm, it had been an option. In your mind's eye, you could imagine it; the tall, lanky figure of a man debating against his better judgment on what he ought to do; so close but so far; knowing that he was altering the course of his future and putting yours at risk. Poor man, having to wallow over a moral dilemma like that. "Why is that?"

"Gosh, y-you….I didn't want to take advantage of the situation."

It could've been taken that way, but you never thought so. "So what changed your mind?"

"I thought you were going to cry, and I-I didn't… I didn't want you to suffer anymore. I thought t-to myself, that if I got t-t-to know you, then you wouldn't have to be lonely anymore."

When he said this, you nearly couldn't look at him; not because he knew more than he let on, but because who knows what paths you two would've taken if he hadn't shown up that day. Tears bit at the back of your eyes, and your nails bit into your palms. "Dear, love isn't always a cure for heartache," He tensed up at this, but you knew you had to tell him. You weren't upset because you had guessed as much, but being assured of it cemented the fact. "but I'm sure that without you, without your friendship, I might not be here right now. I think I was depressed, and from time to time I still feel that way. I…I have thought of ways to make my troubles end, ways you might not have been proud of, but you've shown me a better way to live. I think…no, I know that by expanding my horizons, I understand now that there's so much to look forward to, and not to take life for granted. Why," you paused, fighting the tears which threatened to fall. "you reminded me that I gotta make the most of this crazy, unpredictable life, and I'm happy that I'll get to do that with you."

He understood and accepted this answer and gave you a look of adoration and pride; the like that you hoped you'd always remember. And when you two were done with tea, you both took a walk about the garden. The sweet perfume of jasmine intermingled with that of the scent of his soap, and combined with the candor of his speech made this place feel like a well of comfort. He followed behind you as you two spoke, and you were conscious of the fact that with his freshly washed hair brushed back, it made him more appealing. His hands were in want of yours as he matched your pace, and you felt slightly mischievous as you'd skip or teased him to catch you; it wasn't long until he gathered you in his arms and laughed, and you asked without much seriousness for him to let you go, but while he loosened his grip, he didn't let go entirely. "Gosh, y-you make me feel so young. It - it feels so good to have you in my arms."

"Oh, really?" you giggled. "That's great to hear."

Pressing a kiss to your temple, he sighed. "It's unfortunate that I'm so old."

"That's okay. I like you as you are. It goes well with your personality."

"Thank you mi corazón. It feels good to hear that. However, can I-I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"¿Si hubiera s-sido más joven, habría marcado la diferencia?"

"If you had been younger? I don't know. Possibly," you admitted. "I might've been less reluctant about my feelings at the beginning, but I truly don't know. I'd like to think that I'd still would've fallen for you anyway. You're a wonderful man Ricardo, you don't have to doubt that, anyone can see that. It doesn't matter how old you are, but it's who you are."

"Y-you're right." With reluctance, he allowed his arms to drop to his sides, and he wondered. "It um - it's getting late. Should I-I walk you home?"

Was he forgetting that he didn't have to? Maybe not. Perhaps he needed a sign; one that said that any suggestion of further intimacy was alright. "I thought I was home." you answered, "Don't you want me to stay?"

Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded. "Yes, I-I-I-I do."

"Then it's settled. We'll have a big sleepover," you brightened. "and it'll never have to end. I'll borrow a pair of your pj's and hog all the blankets because I'll get cold."

"And in - in the morning," he added warmly, "w-we can have pancakes."

"Yeah, and watch enough interdimensional cable to make us go blind."

"But I-I might have to work tomorrow."

"Oh. Well, then I guess I'll just have to eat all your snacks until you come back. We might have to take a trip to Costco at some point because they sell these mushroom crisps that are to die for."

Standing under the persimmon tree, he stepped forward and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Y-you can have whatever you want," With a strong arm slipping around your waist, you felt almost shy at the way he smiled protectingly down at you. His warm breath ghosted about your ear, and his voice was above a whisper as he confessed. “because I-I-I finally got you princess and I'm not - I'm not going t-to let you go.”

At the sound of this pet name, you felt a slight warmth rush to your cheeks, but you didn't laugh it off as you had once but agreed with warmth. “You may do as you please, Mr. Sanchez.”

And so he did. Without hesitation, he lifted your chin and brushed your lips with his thumb. His eyes sparkling with humor, promise, and a confidence that was somehow so very appropriate on his face. "I love you. I-I-I always have. From the time I first held your hand, I knew it had to be you. I would've been a fool if I - if I hadn't tried. Even now, it's hard to believe, but it's starting to sink in."

"Me too. It's unbelievable, but it's true and we have the paperwork to prove it."

Leaning down, he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips. It was so gentle, it was as though you might break if he tried otherwise. Kissing you again, he sighed against your lips. "It's beautiful out t-tonight."

"It is."

Pressing a hand to his cheek, you softened. "But I think I'm ready to call it a night. Why don't we go in?"

Weaving his fingers with yours, he softened. "Okay."

You used to think to yourself and wonder if his house would ever be ready to receive you, but what you now realized was that it had always been ready, and only you had been waiting for it all to catch up; for him to know what he wanted and to be courageous and say; for you to know what you needed, and to accept that being yourself didn't make you any less attractive or unique and that you weren't alone; you had never been alone, for he had always been waiting. His home, why it was always home, but it was always home because he was what grounded you and you were what grounded him. And you felt so married to him then, and everything felt as it should. Nothing had really changed, except for a title, and a promise; for you two were friends as you had always been; him the happy go lucky old man, and you the silly neighbor who met him by accident, but you couldn't deny that you loved him with your entire being and so did he. As promised, he intended to do everything in his power to protect you, even as you two were getting ready for bed. His body seemed to curl around you as to shield you from whatever monsters could be hiding in the dark.

So, when it happened that you rested your head upon his chest and felt the temptation of sleep washing over you, you pressed a light kiss to his cheek and confessed softly. "I can't wait to wake up next to you."

Fin

[engagedtobefree]

I talked to Scott on the phone again last night, and now I'm worried. We talked for about 50 minutes and it was normal like our other phone conversations, except for a few things.

Scott told me I seemed kind of shy on Saturday, that I wasn't as talkative as I used to be. I can see what he meant; I had trouble making eye contact and I was really nervous. So I tell Scott I was just nervous and he said, "Oh, aight." I also wasn't flirty like I used to be, but only because I don't want to feed into any possible bad intentions. It's not how it was before when I felt more confidence about Scott's feelings toward me (though that certainly waxed and waned) and I was protected by being at work. Flirting now at my place could potentially lead somewhere.

Then I yawned, and I guess it sounded a little different cuz Scott asked me why I moaned. I tell him it was a yawn and then he said what sounded like, "idk, Dana." "What?" Then, to my surprise he responds with an, "Oh, Dana", making the "oh" sound moany. I instantly feel turned on. I almost respond with "are you the one moaning now?" but I stop myself and don't say anything back to him. I want to hear Scott's moans and sex noises, but I don't want to feed into this if all he is looking for is sex.

A few minutes later he mentions me in my "tight ass jeans and boots." I respond best I can, saying I do miss dressing up, and he says if he can make it over tomorrow (today, now) that maybe I could dress up for him. I tell him I can. Truthfully, most of my old jeans are too tight now since I gained weight and I haven't been able to lose anything yet. I have a pair I can probably wear though.

All of this makes me worried though. What if Scott really is just looking to have sex with me? What if that's all he wants? I can't tell because I notice things that could point to that or could point to him wanting something more. What if he doesn't only want sex and he just...can't help himself saying these things?

I'm terrified, not of Scott but of getting hurt. And if Scott were to hurt me in such a big way while I am pretty emotionally vulnerable and raw, idk how I'd handle it. I am still working on healing from past trauma with men and if another man were to hurt me right now, especially one I have my heart so invested in and am choosing to trust, idk what it would do to me.

I'm worried that I've waited all this time and hoped for a miracle just for Scott to come back only looking for one thing. This isn't what I waited for. I don't want to be called hot. Yeah, it's nice, but only sometimes; it just feels hollow hearing it over and over. I want Scott to also think I'm pretty. I want to date Scott. I've always wanted to date Scott. And while I want him in my bed, that's not how I want to start out. I know we already have an established relationship with each other, but I'd still like something more first.

Idk if I should bring it up to Scott if I see him tonight. Do I just come out and ask him what he wants and what his intentions are? I want to know, but at the same time I'm terrified of what the truth might be. What if he makes a move? That's going to be so hard for me because on one hand I'm going to really want it, and on the other hand it's not going to be how I want it. And if he makes a move, do I stop him and tell him I can't and tell him I don't want to get hurt, that I know we both are looking for different things? I can't just assume Scott only wants sex, but I need to protect myself. I'm also just at the tail end of my period, so I could always use that as an excuse, though he most likely won't care and I'd rather be honest than find an excuse.

I want to see Scott and I want him to come over, but now I'm also fearful of it. I will be away next weekend, so if I can't see him tonight I'm going to keep worrying about this for several more weeks. And that's just assuming I do get some sort of answer tonight. But how can I hide my nervousness? Normally, I can fake things fairly well when I want to, so unless someone really knows me and my energy, I could get away with faking being okay. I don't think that's gonna work with Scott though. He knows me and he can tell when something is off. It doesn't hurt to try, but I'm not confident at all that he won't be able to see right through it.

But then there's the other side of things.

I keep thinking about Scott saying, "Yeah, me too." when I said I want to consciously choose someone who I truly want to be with. Does Scott really want a relationship? How long has it been since he consciously made a decision to be with someone he wants? How long has it been since he followed his heart and went after what he wanted instead of what he thought was the right thing to do? Am I what he wants? When he stops to listen to his heart, does it tell him to make his way back to me? I have many questions about his response to me.

I also have doubts about my doubts. If Scott only wanted one thing then why would he talk on the phone with me every weekend and for long periods of time? Why compliment me in other ways and show his interest in what I have to say? Why open up to me about things when naturally he's very guarded? Why say that he missed me? Granted, that could all be a ploy to reel me in, but I don't think Scott is that deceptive, especially because he knows I'm into him so he wouldn't have to make all of these efforts. Also, why apologize for being a dick and hurting me, only to turn around and act that way and do it again? I mean, I have had men do that same thing to me on two different occasions, but I can't judge Scott by what other men have done. That wouldn't be fair. And Scott also asked me if I'm currently seeing someone or have a boyfriend. Why ask that if he just wants sex? Why should he care whether I cheat or not if I was with someone if he just wanted sex from me?

I also wonder why Scott was so surprised when he found out I haven't dated because of my feelings for him. Does he not think someone could have such strong feelings for him or that he's not worth waiting for? Does he really think I dated during the time we've known each other? Or maybe thought I did after he left?

I feel so lonely with all of these thoughts. I had my therapy session on Tuesday and I went over a few things, but since my conversation with Scott last night, more has come up. Who else can I go to? I wouldn't go to any close or casual friends with this, and if I told my best friends, I know they wouldn't be very happy that I even let Scott through my door. Even if I did ask for someone's advice, they can't tell me what the right thing to do would be. I am completely alone with this.

I hope this isn't a losing game. I want to be treated right, as it's been such a very, very long time since I have been, and even then, it didn't last forever. I don't think it's too much to ask for.

Also, the sun right now is inconjunt/quincunx my natal Saturn -__- like why did this have to happen right now, on the weekend?

Also, I follow YouTube and Instagram tarot accounts and they're always super accurate for me, but I figured I'll post one just this time on here since it's so related to this. I watched this video after I wrote all of the above stuff. I usually only choose one deck with the YouTube readings, but occasionally two decks will have equal energy, which occurred this time.

Group #2 - go with the flow and blend in to catch people in off-guard moments to see who they truly are. Observe them and listen more (as a Libra, I can very much get quiet and simply observe, which I have been doing with Scott). You are too tired to be in the spotlight and need time for privacy with your love life, not telling friends or family about it. You don't want to put yourself out there and invest in someone to realize this person was with you for the wrong reasons. You are not over-sharing at this time. You value yourself and don't want to get hurt, so you're guarding your heart. You're still open, but just getting to know someone. You know how far to go and when to protect yourself. You don't want to make the same mistakes like you did in the past. You want clarity and guidance. Someone may behave in a stupid manner and may try to play you, thinking they're smarter. However there is an opportunity with a dark male, whatever that means for you. This is more about energy than physical appearance, and could just be someone with a lot of masculine energy. You are highly desirable so this man wants to be closer to you. This person wants longevity with you, not a whirlwind affair. You need to let your wall down a little bit to let them know you're into them as they may question it and get insecure. Only do this when you're sure of who they are and their intentions. They are adventurous and spontaneous, and they may try to show off how cool they are. They may get clumsy and nervous though. You might have commitment-phobia and might want to run or self-sabotage. Avoid this. Someone will be offering genuine love and interest, so do not worry. Surround yourself with love and spend quality time with others in your life where you can let your guard down.

Group #3 - an earth sign (Scott is a Capricorn) is here as a romantic connection. It's only a matter of time before you connect and sparks fly and you know you're for one another (I'd like to stay sober now to really feel out his energy and the energy of our connection). They are very promising. Do not pre-judge this person and give them a fair chance. Don't jump to conclusions. Allow them the chance to prove they're trustworthy and worthy of being a part of your life in a romantic sense. Stick to making progress with other areas of your life. Someone you know is not dependable and sincere, so don't trust in confiding with someone else about this situation. They might be jealous (I can see this being my mom, as she gets very jealous whenever I am with other people). You may feel like something is lacking in your life, maybe caused by someone else. Someone may leave your life as this new person enters. You will be happy this person leaves. Be aware of any future problems, there will be signs from the universe. Zesty energy, emotion, and passion is coming. Your guides are trying to protect you from yourself. Don't let your anger take over or you'll be sorry. Try not to be triggered by others. You're being called to take yourself on a date and spend money on yourself. Remember to practice self-love. You can only feel fulfilled in your love life if you feel fulfilled in yourself first. Others may set their own expectations for your love life. Don't seek others approval. Remind yourself we are not separate from each other. We are all energy. Don't be judgmental just as you don't want to be judged. Your love life will be full of generosity and spending time together. Your dreams can become your reality, but you need to make the effort. (I feel like maybe I need to focus on my healing more often than I am). Put yourself out there. (ugh. Scary). Someone is feeling like it's time to let go of holding on too deeply and may not think you'll ever end up together. Could be someone you friend-zoned and they will finally give up on you and see you moving on. (I've friend-zoned quite a few people, so it's possible).

So yeah, I guess July has a lot of potential, and both readings were scary-accurate for how I'm currently feeling and perceiving things. So either Scott is out to deceive me or he has really good intentions. Guess I'll find out soon.

[stanbillyhargrove]

Ghosts chp 20

Ally's Story

T/W: sexual assault, eating disorder

Ally's story is NOT nice, it's based off Cat's story from Demons but without the support system that Cat had

Katrina's POV

Ally was perched on the end of my bed, watching as I changed the bandages on my stomach. I taped sterile white gauze to my skin and eased myself back onto the bed with a groan.

"You've been hanging around a lot," I mumbled.

"Do you not want me here? I can leave."

"No! Wait, stay. Please, I like the company. I just mean, I hadn't seen you in a long time."

"When he's around we can't get close to you," she explained, "he keeps us away. But he's weak right now."

She sat back against the wall with a sigh, eyeing me after catching me staring at her, "what?"

"What's your story, Ally? What happened to you?"

She held her arms up so I could see the two long cuts that ran down her forearms, "isn't it obvious?"

"That's not your story, not all of it."

She dropped her arms into her lap, "you don't have to pretend to care. I'm already dead."

I stretched my hand across the bed, reaching for her, "I do care."

Her eyes were teary when she met my gaze, her jaw tight, but she still moved closer to take my hand.

--

"Mommy, Daddy's home," I announced.

She shook her head, "no, sweetie, he's not off work for a couple hours."

But then, a few minutes later, he walked through the door. Sent home early because of the blizzard sweeping through town. My mother brushed it off, saying I must have seen his car even though I was playing nowhere near the windows at the time.

That feeling, that sense of knowing, it never went away. As I got older, I realized it wasn't normal to know when someone was getting close. It wasn't normal to turn around and yell out your friends names when they were trying to sneak up on you. I started losing friends fast, nobody wanted to be associated with the outcast. The chubby cheeked weirdo that gave everyone the heebie jeebies.

I was twelve when the bullying shifted from my weirdness to my weight. The rest of my classmates had shed their baby fat and were lean where I still had a layer of pudge. That's when everything started to turn for the worst. Boys who knew I was crushing on them would sneer and laugh to their friends when I passed them. They'd pretend to like me outside of school just to turn around and shun me once in a group of classmates. Girls looked down on me, snickered when they saw me eating lunch.

Comments started coming from my family through the years too. Things like, 'haven't you eaten enough?' 'You know, everything you put on has to come off.' 'A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.' And, 'do you think you need seconds?'

My mom too, liked to tell me how little she weighed as a teenager. Joked about how her and her friends would compare thigh gaps like it was no big deal. She complained about how much she weighed now that she'd had me even though she still looked like she could be whisked away by a strong breeze. She thought she was helping by telling me maybe I'd have more friends, maybe boys would like me if I lost some weight.

At fifteen I found a website filled with pages and pages of wispy girls who's bones stuck through their skin. Girls who bragged that they had to wear children's clothes because nothing else fit, bragged about the amount of exercise they'd done that day. They shared tips and tricks to curb your hunger, told you if you followed all the rules you too could be beautiful, weightless, like them.

By sixteen, I was one of them. Comparing each days food and exercise with a group of people like me. I finally found my people, my sisters, the ethereal Wintergirls. I fed exclusively off people's compliments and they loved to tell me how much better I looked now. My mom praised my hard work, indulged my diet coke addiction. She was proud to have created a Wintergirl in her image.

Nobody in those groups liked to talk about the negatives. They didn't warn me that becoming one of them wouldn't be glamorous. That it meant constantly freezing, that your body starts growing more hair to keep you warm, that the hair on your head will get thin and lifeless, your nails turn blue and even a light brush will leave bruises on your skin. They didn't tell me that no matter what goals you hit, there would always be another. I wasn't prepared for my life to become consumed by numbers. How many sit ups, how many inches, tracking weight down in a notebook and sobbing if was more than last time. They didn't mention that I'd still hate myself no matter what.

I started swallowing handfuls of pills, secretly hoping that this time it would be enough to poison my liver. I want to go to sleep and not wake up, but I don't know that I want to die. I want to be normal, to eat and not hate myself, but that's not who I am anymore.

I kept waking up, forced to struggle through another day. Started drowning myself in alcohol every night and on the weekends, trying to find something to make me feel again. Some of the more popular girls started talking to me, asking for the secret on how to look as good as I do now, inviting me to parties hoping to get me to spill. I went to the parties but not to spill my secrets. I went for the free alcohol and eventually the drugs that the boys brought.

I had found my usual party group, the people who carried baggies of various things in their pockets. Accepted a baggie from a baby faced jock who smiled when he passed it to me.

"It'll be fun," he whispered in my ear, "trust me."

I looked at the pills for a moment before tossing them into my mouth and taking a swig of my drink to swallow them down.

"Good girl," he praised.

He didn't leave my side, didn't let me leave his sight. He was always there with an arm around me even though I didn't know him. Tempting me with tinted eyes.

This doesn't feel right.

I should have known better.

After a while, I started to feel weird. My limbs felt too heavy to move and I thought I was going to pass out. I leaned heavy into the boys side, not trusting my legs to keep me up anymore.

"It just hit you, didn't it?" He asked, holding me up.

My tongue felt too thick to move, to protest, when he picked me up. Threw me over his broad shoulder and took me back to his house.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you," he soothed.

I struggled to cry out, to push his hands away but he was so much bigger than me, had layers of muscle where I had only bone. His hands were too rough when he grabbed, when he held my wrists in one hand and undressed me with the other.

I tried again to move my legs, to fight him, but nothing worked.

"Relax," he murmured, "I'll make you feel good."

The room faded in and out through eyes blurry with tears. I could feel him. Everywhere. Every inch of me consumed by his warmth. The moments where I could almost grasp clarity were filled with pain.

He wiped a tear from my cheek, his touch tender now when he whispered, "I know you're into it...God, you feel so good."

I didn't wake up again until sometime in the morning. The sun had barely kissed the sky, just enough that the room I was in wasn't pitch black anymore. Just enough light to see that the sheets I was wrapped in were blue, not white. Just enough light to know I didn't know where I was. It took me a moment to realize there was someone else in the bed with me, a large arm wrapped loose around my waist. Tanned skin tight around broad shoulders that I might have felt safe in before. I screwed my eyes shut tight, hoping this was a horrible nightmare. But, when I opened them I was still here. The dark bruises in the shape of his fingers still stuck on my skin, the pain was still there.

I slid out of the bed, biting the inside of my cheek and praying that I could get out of here without him waking up. Apparently the universe thought I deserved this small favor because I was able to find my stuff, get dressed and slip out of his house without anyone seeing me.

Outside, I pulled my phone from my pocket to figure out where I was. I was an hour's walk away from home. By the time I got home...I'd have to get ready for school right away. I sent out a quick text to my group for someone to bring me something strong to get me through the day and started my long walk of shame.

I did the best I could to hide all the bruises under my clothes before going to school. Long sleeves pulled down into my fists, dark leggings, I even layered on a shirt with the tallest neckline I could find. Hid the red circles around my eyes under dark makeup and called it good enough.

I disappeared into the crowd at school, slinking from shadow to shadow like I was hiding from a spotlight. Thankfully, someone answered my text and slipped a baggy into my pocket during a quick hug. I wasted no time swallowing the pills, didn't even question it. I just needed everything to stop.

I only got through my first class without seeing him.

I was at my locker when suddenly I was picked up and spun around. I was too shocked to do anything more than shriek. Hit the ground and spun around to find myself face to face with that same boy. The star of the football team, he was all broad shoulders and a soft, innocent face. He came from money and everybody loved him because of it. But, of course, they didn't know what really lied behind that sweet face.

"Hey babe," he cooed, "missed you this morning. You could have stayed, I would have driven you home."

The breath rushed from my lungs and I was reliving flashes of memories from the night before. Once again trying and failing to fight back. Hearing his voice in my ear.

"Hey, Bryce!" Another jock clapped him on the shoulder, "introduce us to your girlfriend!"

"I..your...what?" I stammered.

"Guys, Ally...Ally, guys," he beamed, pulling me into his side.

The group of them said their hellos, and then quickly disappeared to their own lockers. I shoved him as hard as I could, but I barely moved him an inch. He still had a smile on his face even though his eyebrows had knit with confusion.

"Your girlfriend?" I hissed.

"Well, yeah? I assumed, after last night, y'know?"

"You assumed!"

He lifted his hands defensively, "take it easy, don't need to shout."

I spun and stalked away from him, to a quieter, more secluded corner of the school to try and calm my nerves.

He followed me, practically purring, "trying to find somewhere private for us?"

I stopped, dumbfounded, giving him time to come up behind me and plant a kiss to my neck.

I recoiled, shoving Bryce away and shouting, "get off me!"

"What the fuck is your problem? You gave it up so easy last night and now you're gunna act like a prude?"

"I...I didn't give anything! You took! You drugged me, carried me home when I couldn't walk and had sex with me when I couldn't say no! You raped me!"

"Babe," he started, "come on-"

"No! Don't fucking call me babe, I don't even know you! I'm not your girlfriend! I'm your victim!"

He got in my face, close enough I could feel the heat from his skin, and growled, "fuck you. We could have been something, y'know? I could have given you everything. You asked for the drugs, remember? You're just a fucking whore, using men to get what you want and then dropping them. You wait, I will fucking destroy you."

By the afternoon, everybody had seen the pictures he took of me unconscious and were calling me a whore. Calling me a skeleton, ugly, a tease, a user. Nobody could believe I didn't want it. 'Look at him,' they'd say, 'he's gorgeous. How could you not want him?' Or, 'I'd give anything to have him even look at me and you're complaining?'

--

It only took a couple days before someone approached me outside of my class. Asked if I'd sleep with him if he gave me something.

"Are you serious? You think I'm a prostitute or something? Try being a gentleman and asking a girl on a date, you'd have a better chance."

His eyebrows raised, "you wanna go on a date with me?"

"Not now I don't, shitdick," I scoffed, pushing my way into class.

Later that day, people were saying I'd slept with him anyway.

--

This went on for months. People would approach me asking for sex and when I turned them down, they made up a story and spread it around.

There was one boy...I thought he was different. He said all he wanted was to take me on a date, for me to give him a chance. So I did. I let him take me out for a coffee since I didn't eat in front of anyone. We actually had a good time, he made me laugh for the first time in a long time. For a minute, I felt like maybe I could see a way out of the dark.

Then, our way out of the cafe, I thought I saw a glimpse of Bryce but when I looked again, I didn't see him.

He drove us away from the city, to a secluded area where it was just the two of us. We sat in the back of his car, talking for a while until he brought me close and kissed me. Fingers started to tug at clothing, pulling a noise of protest from my throat.

"I took you out," he murmured, "now be a good girl for me."

I let my mind go blank, let him take what he wanted. Saw Bryce in his place and let a few tears fall silently.

I realized that no matter how good I thought things could be, no matter what I do, Bryce would still be on top of me and I still wouldn't be able to breathe. He'd always be there, sneering that he'd destroy me.

--

Eating was hard. Breathing was hard. Living was the hardest.

I felt like I had started dying the night Bryce took me home. Like everything since then had to have been a fever dream caused by cells deteriorating. Last night had nailed that feeling home. That I was already dead, just stuck in hell.

I showed up at school to see a snickering crowd in front of my locker. 'Whore' was painted across the door along with 'Liar' and 'Dirty Slut'.

Standing at the front of the crowd with a wicked grin on his face was Bryce and the rest of the football team.

He invaded my space, my senses, the heat radiating from his skin threatening to burn me up. The heady cologne he wore, a toxic gas that stole oxygen from my lungs and replaced it with poison.

His voice, low and husky in my ear when he sneered, "nobody believes you. Nobody cares about you. I bet nobody would even care if you were gone," he pulled away just enough to look into my eye, "I win."

I was holding back tears as I tried to retreat from the school, walking as fast as I could to escape the laughter when my arm was caught in someone's hand. I looked up at the girl who grabbed me and recognized her from some of my classes. We weren't really friends but we were close enough to know each other.

"You okay?"

I faked a smile, tried to ignore my voice cracking, "awesome...I'm awesome."

"Hey, screw those assholes, Ally."

I knew she was trying to help, that she thought her words would be enough to break through months of abuse hurled my way.

They weren't.

My shoulders slumped, "haven't you heard? I already did."

I slipped between her fingers and didn't look back.

--

"Whatever happened to chivalry?" Ally sighed, leaning against the wall next to me, "romance? I always wanted a relationship like in those cheesy old movies. You know, where the love interest makes some grand gesture to say they love you? That's what I dreamed of."

I wiped the tears from my face, "Ally.."

She smiled sadly at me, "I always thought I'd find the one when I became perfect. That if I could just be good enough...but that never happened, perfect never came."

@alias-b @charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama

[spnsmile]

"I believe in her."

Cas couldn't take his eyes away from Dean. Even when Sam left, all he could do is stare and when Dean notices, he returns it with intent.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You don't really believe her, right? Billie?"

"Why the sudden change of mind?" Dean takes a sip of his beer. Castiel looks at him thoughtfully.

"Sam's just... Asking the right question, I mean. What's her end game? What happens if Jack succeeds? What's next...?"

"Ain't it paradise?"

Castiel pauses. He didn't think Dean would remember so continues frowning and watched Dean straighten himself as much as his bowlegs would allow.

"Well, no choice but go with the greater of the two evils, Cas. And right now the guy who's planning the old comedy "wipe out the world" takes the cake."

"Dean, she's Death. As far as I'm concerned if any entity out there wants you dead for good, it's her. You're not worried she could use this opportunity to get you? Like killing two birds with blunt force of one stone... in one very violent throw... Don't laugh, she of all people wants you dead."

Cas swallows hard, the idea cementing in his brain now he's vocal about it.

And Dean just chuckles?

"She could. But if she's using us to get rid of Chuck, then that means wanting me dead also takes the back burner. For now we see eye to eye. Chuck has to go first dibs. If she needs to use us then we gotta hold hands, run up to the sunset and see where she takes us."

"That is highly optimistic view, even for you, Dean. Considering she's been trying to get you killed

"She's death, it's her obsession, Cas. Talking about death." the hunter smirks, making the angel bristle.

"This isn't funny, Dean."

"I know, Cas. You know I get it, okay. But whatever she's got drawn up her blue print, doesn't change the fact that she still gotta line up the queue." Dean shrugs and it's not nonchalance that Castiel sees in his eyes.

It's absolute faith for this cause. One where Dean will be fighting with him until the last battle.

Until his last breath. After that, what?

Castiel closes his eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want you to die." he finally says, all raw emotions out. He feels Dean look his way, know the startled expression is in there without needing to look and hates it.

Why Dean always need to be surprise when someone tells him they don't want him dead never ceases to anger him.

Like Dean believes everyone wants him dead. Then again, considering things he's been through...

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel engages the man with a look.

And like its not enough that they've been throwing furtive looks at each other in the presence of Sam, the man has the gall to stand and seat in that distracting position where he can fully see the man's lips and thick bowlegs presenting just within his reach while smiling like he know what he's doing.

The way Dean can look so full of affection with green eyes that just flickers expressively towards his direction with long lashes dusting his freckled cheeks. The way he opens his emotions to Castiels without restraint, letting him glimpse the soul so bright in its form he once rebuilt

I want closer

But he stays where he is, even when Dean openly invites him silently to come closer, his eyes expectant and soft and full of love.

Cas remains where he is perched.

Control. He gives it seven seconds count to take over the reel of feelings pulling him to Dean. The same way when Dean's eyes were grateful and bursting and happy, almost singing praises when they reconciled after his solemn prayer. Dean is gazing at him with the same adoration same loving affection overflowing and so full of hope.

So full of love. Something Castiel knows he cannot accept so he ducks his eyes. He knows exactly why the pull is strong this time. It's Dean. Dean's longing.

Dean's prayers.

So loud and intense. It wants him.

It's madness how the tables have turned. Unlike before where the boat is tipping on his side, this time, Dean's the one putting the weight. Dean's the one screaming in silence of his love.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has a mission here otherwise... He thinks of Jack and the mission.

Focus...

But it's too late when he looked up, he only sees Dean smile sadly and nod, before finishing the last whiskey on his glass, the sparks in his eyes dimming.

Dean wipes his chin with the back of his hand, his lips making smacking sound too loud to ignore.

"See you later, Cas." he says quietly, monotone and Castielf, angel that he is feels the swift slap of coldness on his skin. The worst was when Dean turns to go without meeting Castiel's eyes even when the angel has pushed himself off his wall and was waiting, but Dean goes- moves away.

Dean is leaving him and thwe sharp jab on the organ functioning as his heart makes Castiel call Dean back.

"Wait." He finds his hand curling on Dean's elbow, pulling him back.

"Dean." he hesitates, unable to pluck up the courage to say in fear that he might say too much. But ever as it happens, it's Dean who easrs him out of his misery with a simple flicker on his eyes and careful smile.om his lips. Castiel relaxes. Dean is still looking deeply in his eyes. "I want some."

"Want something from me?" Dean licks his lips, then raises both eyebrows when Cas eyes empty glass he's holding. "Oh." and Dean laughs in embarassment for some reason, the flush color on his cheeks gives Cas a wonderful view of his tanning freckles.

"Wanna drink with me?"

"Yeah, so bad, I'm thirsty for you."

Dean is in love with him and the hunter isn't even trying to hide it anymore. These are the thoughts that played across Castiel's mind as he sit with Dean in the library, listening to Deam praise him, Dean giving him all his attention and Dean being just too endearing.

Tried as he might not to fall for it like when Dean was praying to him in Purgatory, Castiel can't help gazing back with the same contentment and joy. Overflowing happiness of just sitting here, talking and talking like they haven't spoken to each other in years.

And the best part?

Dean's smiling unbiddenly with eyes just taking in Castiel. He sees the way Dean catches him smile, the way Dean's cheeks blushes. Castiel was glad there was a table between them or he was afraid what his instincts might do on impulse with Dean being like that.

He wants to kiss him. Instead, grabs his glasses without really drinking. He just listens to Dean's voice. Listen to Dean talk to him and it reminds suddenly of his fear of losing everything.

He realizes there's too little time to be with Dean so he memorizes everything. He memorizes a lot, even the exact moment Dean throws that wonderful look and raises a glass in his direction.

Cas' heart leaps in the air and he too is smiling and loving Dean so much, the only pull back to his heart when they toasted is the fact he can't tell Dean.

He wouldn't think about it for now. He too has faith in his choice and that is Jack. He is choosing Jack. Jack who is the answer to Castiel's crumbling faith whenever he thinks of the number of ways he can lose Dean.

"Hey."

Castiel looks up. He didn't notice Dean already standing in front of him. The angel blinks.

"What?"

"I was just telling Jody good night. She just called, asking how everybody is... And i told her I'm a very good kid today. She told me I'm drunk." Dean pouts.

"You want me to detoxify you?" Castiel tilts his head inquiringly. Dean stares with heavy eyes.

"Yeah, may need to drive."

"Where are you going?" Castiel frowns, a hand already raised. Dean blinks then slowly levels his eyes on the angel sitting in the chair.

"Somewhere. I feel happy, you see... But sad too... So I already spent my happy here with you. Time to go crush the bad. So driving."

"Why are you sad?" he cups Dean's face in alarm, his little world on his hand. So he wasn't mistaken. Behind Dean's eyes...

"It's okay..." Dean smiles, "Everyone's a little sad inside."

"Why?" he insists.

A long pause. Dean blinks slowly.

"Can't be together, you and I... So i gotta... Uh... Have to deal the sad without you...if we can't be together..."

"But we're together here."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm choosing. So are you. In the end we're gonna... I'm gonna have to deal with myself alone. There's no you out there. I have to prepare."

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" he hears him but he cannot understand him. Dean kneels in front of him all of a sudden, both hands taking Castiel's hands and clasping them with his own. The look Dean gives him after that is pure and honest, like souls bursting of its true form.

"I'm saying I understand why you can't... We can't. I understand it's the world or us... And that's not even a choice. I'm saying I understand you're the only angel who can save the world. So i want you to do it without holding back. Without thinking about whether I live or die. I want you to do that, Cas."

Castiel gasps. He sees no doubt in Dean's eyes. Watches as Dean brings his hand to his lips gently.

"Me dying doesn't compare to the world, Cas. So dont worry about me or Billie or whatever hell. You got your hands full, I got mine. So... i gotta drive."

Castiel sighs, then kisses Dean on the forehead. Clarity returns in the green eyes that blinks at him in surprise. Then Castiel stands up, nearly knocking Dean on his feet.

"I'm going with you."

"No, Cas. This is not the point-"

"I don't understand the point alright. I don't." Castiel grabs Dean's collar, sharp eyes full of meaning. "Don't make me understand why after everything... why after everything I've done, I'm still not going to be allowed to stay with you. I won't understand. And if this universe insists that? They're going to have to make a different bargain because I want you at the end of the road, Dean. It's you I think about when I think of win. And when that happens, I'll tell you loud and clear. I'll tell you what you already know. What I can't tell you now. I will. And it's not goodbye. So hold on to me. I will always find you. Do you believe me?"

It takes one smile from Dean and their foreheads pressing together.

"I believe you, Cas." ✨