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chaptersofnow · 4 years

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the youngest nieces of Celestia and Luna

Cozy Glow and Princes Ordomia

two relativity plot important characters to my next gens story lol

Bios under the cut.

Name: Cozy Glow Nickname(s): Age: 27 Pronouns: She/her Identity: Trans Lesbian crush/relationship: Dating Sweetie Belle Parents: Adoptive Aunts Celestia and Luna Sibling: Princess Ordomia Special Talent: Strategy Occupation: Personal Gaurd for Ordomia Location: Canterlot Likes: Chess, Telling people what to do, being in charge, doing what she wants to do, cute cakes Dislikes: unhygienic ponies, being made fun of Bio: After the event of Cozy Glows schemes to rid the world of magic forever failed instead of begin sent to tarturus she simple got away, hiding out and plotting. she still spoke to tirek in letters but beyond that was untraceable. Then when Discord brought her, chrysalis, tirek and sombra all together they all together schemed to use friendship to do evil. Little did they realize that learning friendship actually, taught them friendship? like who would have guessed. So when the elements and all their friends showed up to save the day something about seeing the power of friendship, what it was capable of it changed something in them. they realized how close they had all become over the last months under the discords underlying lesson. So when twilight and her friends gave out a life line, a friendly hand they took it. Chrysalis would be reunited with her people, each to forgive one another and to grow. Tirek would learn reformation by starswirl and those who knew him and his brother personally. While Cozy Glow went to Cantorlot Castle with the princesses. Cozy still had some work, she was ready to move forward but still had a tick of scheming in herself. often still getting into trouble. This was taught out of her by her new Aunts Celestia and Luna who home schooled the filly until she learned to behave. learning lessons on using the power and abilities you have for good, to work with others and make changes for the better. Twilight often visiting to continue teaching her friendship lessons like she learned at the friendship school. Cozy Glow more or less became a fine mare as she got older, learning the lessons she was taught well, continuing her friendships with chrysalis and Tirek and rekindling old ones like with the CMC and her classmates. a few years years into Cozy Glows time living at the castle the war against darkness happened, a final all out battle of the elements of harmony versus the Force known as darkness that corrupted ponies and creatures alike into dark evil creatures. Cozy Glow had once let herself be influenced by the Darkness but was lucky to not get infected by it like many have. With her new Knowledge and skills she took to the fight, against the wishes of everyone around her she snuck out. taking her armor and skills she was taught about being a knight she arrived to the fight to help. she was there when the war ended when all the creatures of darkness were released from its influence and the entity 'defeated'. They all say defeated, they shot a big friendship laser and the darkness wasn't there when the smoke cleared. However Cozy Glow hadn't been so sure. She didn't say anything when it happened, everyone was so happy they had won. But when the smoke still spur thick in the area in the spot where the darkness was shot down, Cozy Glow swore she saw two blue eyes look right back at her before it seemed to disappear with the smoke in a gust. She decided it was a trick of her eyes, the fear and adrenaline from the fight getting to her. she chose to celebrate with everyone else. everyone was peaceful and normal for only a month, that's what Ordomia showed up. A small Alicorn filly, just about Cozy Glows Age maybe just a few years younger at most.a wonky horn, curly purple hair and those blue eyes. the way the silently looked at Cozy Glow gave her the shivers. No one knew where the could have come from, there had only been two recorded alicorn births in the past 1000 years and they had both been off springs of alicorns. Alicorns used to be made by the first but when she passed away an Alicorn could only be made from another alicorn once deemed worthy which could happen in many ways, but it just didn't seem possible for a filly as young as herself to be able to achieve alicorn status, nor did any of the current alicorn has anything to do with her. their was just no way to explain where she came from. Except, Cozy Glow might know. She kept her mouth shut, she didn't know how she would even say it or what it meant or if she was even right. it was a wild concept but, so was this alicorn. Cozy Glow believed that she came from the darkness. After test and study from twilight and the other she couldn't find anything saying the quite alicorn filly was dangerous, she didn't speak beyond nods and shakes, she didn't seem to know who she was or where she even was. the princesses allowed her to stay in the castle under watch for now. Cozy Glow was put on duty to watch over the young filly. She ended up being the first pony she spoke to, When Cozy Glow told her she was leaving her shift, asked the filly if she wanted anything. She got a reply, something she didn't expect. So she got her what she wanted, some water. They begun to talk, the alicorn again iterates she doesn't remember anything or where she came from. Cozy Glow tells her how she feels being in the castle, a new how you've never been to before. they talked forever, and by the end of his Cozy Glow decided she didn't think the alicorn was dangerous she just seemed scared and alone. they were friends and Cozy would stay by her side, and by her side she stayed as she became her official personal guard. They named her Ordomia, later earning the title of Princess as she showed great dedication to learning the responsibility of being an alicorn with her powers. being known for being able to change things, bring balance to them making sure everything ran smoothly. Its years of the two of them growing up side by side in the castle together with their aunts and growing family. Until the Queen Erroria Situation happened. Watching the mare she called her sister twist and change into that of a monster bent on destruction she questioned if she was wrong to have never said anything. now with ordomia back Cozy Glow has made a wall and kept her distance from Ordomia unsure if she can trust her again.

♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️

Name: Ordomia Nickname(s): Queen Erroria Age: 25 (Maybe) Pronouns: She/her Identity: Bi Girl crush/relationship: Crush on Spike Parents: Adoptive Aunts Celestia and Luna Sibling: Cozy Glow Special Talent: Changing thing, physical objects, memories, ect Occupation: Princess, dignitary Location: Canterlot Likes: Helping, Purple, Stickers, cute band aids Dislikes: bright lights, flashing lights, crowds Bio: The Alicorn princess who appeared out of no where. thats what she had been known as across equestria, the young filly alicorn who appeared out of no where in cantorlot. She didn't have any memories to call her own, not a name or anything. she couldn't explain how she got there or why she was the way she was. she was poked and prodded by everyone and their mother trying to figure out what she was or her origins to no avail. Like she appeared out of thin air. And to be fair, she kind of did. Little no anyone, including herself's knowledge she was a vessel for what was left of Darkness. After the final big was of the elements versus Darkness's last surge of power to try and take over it was defeated. believed to have been blasted out of existence. No one saw the small wisp of darkness hurry off in the smoke. This strand of darkness coddled itself for awhile until it was strong enough, it took shape. Using all it had to turn itself into that of what appeared to be a young teenage alicorn filly, an irresistible target to bring right into the castle, and it worked. The filly had no idea that deep inside itself it harbored a evil, but she walked around for years with the princesses, their elements of harmony and many others who had been affected or have hurt the Darkness. It swelled and grew in power until it was suitable enough for a take over. The tragedy went down one night at a dinner for the family and many other important figure heads who could make it, they were celebrating a good year in equestria and the growing connections they were making with creatures and lands outside of equestria. it was a wonderful night, Ordomia sat beside her best friend and sister Cozy glow, Celestia to her other side who was giving a lovely speech. It was sudden, this weird obsession that suddenly came over Ordomia, like the twitch she gets when she needs to make this right, to fix it. Watching her Aunt Celestia stand tall next to her speaking proudly. Princess Twilight across the table with her kids looking up proudly at the Sun alicorn who was once her teacher. she couldn't stop thinking about how twilight didn't have her friends with her right now, family dinner, only a few ponies here. Cozy Glow asked her what was wrong noticing that her sister had grown terribly quiet, wide eyed not looking away from twilight. It took over the form of Princess Ordomia. The Darkness, it took her form and changed her. Luna who was all to familiar with what she was seeing yelled for everyone to run but it was too late, the walls were changing rapidly like slot machine images there wasn't any way to escape. Ordomias dark form emerged, Queen Erroria. a tall make out of darkness, corruption and a taste for revenge. She was no longer Ordomia, the soft spoken kind princesses was gone from her mind. after having her bad guy speech Queen Errora disappeared with all the alicorn princesses, young and old. Cozy Glow and Scroll flame were quick to act, looking for help. in cantorlot Splat and her friends and family where celebrating on their own as Happy Daze and Splats combined birthday party was happening. they asked if they would be able to get their parents, disocrd or anyone because they needed help they needed the elements or anything to stop Queen Erroria. They contacted their parents but many wouldn't be able to get their any time soon, far away at work or ect. as well as having to be honest and say, after the big war happened the elements left them, they no longer had control over then because with darkness gone the elements could rest again. Beside if twilight is missing how were they meant to use them anyways. this didn't stop the their kids and friend. Happy daze, Splat, Voyage, Bunny Hop, Majesty and Scroll flame went after Queen Erroria themselves along with Cozy Glow. When they confronted Erroria, a being made of darkness's obsession to get revenge on the princesses and elements was approached by Cozy Glow who tried to make her remember who she was and that she was hurting her family who she knew she loved. Watching Cozy Glow plead with Erroria, and Erroria showing signs of guilt in her face, Happy Daze also step forward to talk to Erroria. all of them reminding Erroria that this wasn't her, she was Ordomia the Princess who loved her family and worked hard to make sure everything was right and ok. she was their friend and a good princesses, this wasn't her, it was just a parasite clouding her mind. this lead to the Elements reawaken, claiming Happy Daze and her friends as the new elements and saving Ordomia. it removed all the darkness out of Ordomia, at the cost of setting it free back into the world. Ordomia is grateful for the help the Chapters of Now gave her, but tends to avoid them now they have moved into the castle. she feels awkward about begin evil and all. Also in honesty its been hard for her to get back into the swing of things, Cozy Glow might have been one of the ponies there for her when she was Erroria but she has been distant since they got back home. Avoiding spending time with her when she isn't on duty watching over her. Acting less like a protector and more as a guard waiting for her to take the wrong step. Princess Ordomia wants to work to patch up the bonds and trust she has broken with the ponies she cares about.

#mlp #next gen #cozy glow #princess ordomia #princess erroria

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forestwater87 · 5 years

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Camp Camp Secret Santa, Chapter 1

Hello, @thebeesfriend! I'm your Secret Santa this year, and I hope you enjoy this story! The tags make it sound a lot more intense than it is; it's really very sweet and silly, mostly.

Gwen begins questioning her sexuality, and comes to her coworkers for help. Jasper starts reminiscing about his own past, and just how lucky he is today.

(Updates every 2-3 days until Christmas 2019)

(If you'd like to join the annual Camp Camp Secret Santa event, check it out on tumblr! Annual signups usually go out shortly after Thanksgiving.)

June 25, 2016

2:17 PM

“Hey, can I ask you kind of a weird question?”

Jasper paused, wax dripping from a lit stub of candle onto the paper airplane in his other hand. “Is it ‘what the fuck are you doing with our emergency lights-out supplies?” he asked, knowing before the words left his mouth that it wasn’t. Gwen didn’t ask permission to tear into her co-counselors for being idiots, especially when fire was involved, and her expression and voice both had a nervous, hesitant lilt he wasn’t used to and didn’t like. She was a firecracker -- quietly smoldering until something made her explode, and then she was gone in a flash of fire too dangerous to stand nearby. Shyness didn’t suit her.

At least she wasn’t popping tranquilizers like they were Skittles, he noted hopefully, shifting his supplies to make room for her to sit down. Things couldn’t be camp-ruining bad or she’d be having twelve different panic attacks simultaneously. As she sat down, Jasper noticed she kept tugging strands of hair free from her ponytail, twisting them around her fingers.

“Everything okay?” he finally tried, when a solid fifteen seconds had gone by without a response. He wasn’t exactly a “fill the silence with chatter” kinda guy, but with David off preparing for one of his ill-advised contests against the Woodscouts, Jasper was alone for the first time all summer with the only person at camp he tried to avoid being alone with. Gwen . . . intimidated him. A little bit. Maybe it was that she’d been a counselor longer than him and had seniority, maybe it was the way David was convinced she could do no wrong. Maybe it was because she could do more damage to -- and with -- a guitar than Pete Townsend and smiled even less than Quartermaster, and he couldn’t get a read on her no matter how many summers passed. Or hell, maybe it was because he was just as much of an awkward disaster around pretty girls as any other nerd, and being madly in love with his boyfriend hadn’t magically given him social skills. It was a mystery, really. “What’s crackin, cap’n?”

(Case in point.)

She groaned, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger -- a tic of Jasper's that had rubbed off on both Gwen and David. “I . . . what the fuck am I doing? No, fuck it, it’s -- I’m gonna go --”

“Hey.” Jasper took her wrist before she could get up, setting aside his airplane and candle. “You need to talk?” When she shrugged, not meeting his eyes and looking extremely reluctant, he tried a smile and added, “Come on, we're CBFLs. It’s gotta have some perks, right?”

She shook her head with an amused huff of air and made no move to stand back up. She’d twirled a strand of hair so many times around her finger that the poor finger was striped red and white as she released the hair. “Fuck, yeah. I guess. It’s not even a big deal or anything,” she said, puffing her cheeks out in a sigh. “Might as well.”

And then she . . . didn’t say anything. Just pressed her lips together and stared down at the scarred wooden table, sliding her hands under her thighs (to keep from playing with her hair again, he suspected).

After a few minutes Jasper shrugged and went back to his project, tilting the candle so wax drizzled into the crevices of the airplane’s wings. If he had something to spread the wax around, this would probably be a lot easier and --

“How’d you know you were into guys?”

The suddenness of the question, and the too-loud way she’d blurted it out, made him jump, spilling a thick glob of wax onto his knuckles. “Jinkies Christ!” he hissed, quickly setting the candle down and shaking his hand (which didn’t do anything to either remove the wax or cool it down, but it made him feel better regardless). “Sorry, what was that?”

Gwen stared at him, the corners of her lips twitching. She immediately covered her mouth with her hand, so all he caught was a glimpse of a fledgling smile. “Did you just say ‘jinkies christ’?”

Some of the tension drained away, lightening the air in the Mess Hall. “David wants me to stop swearing so much at camp,” he admitted, grinning. “Results so far have been . . . mixed.”

“If you’re not careful, that might catch on.”

Jasper’s heart leapt at the idea. “I have literally never wanted anything so badly in my entire life.” They fell silent again, though he made no move to pick the candle back up.

She nodded, picking up his airplane and inspecting it absently. “I -- might be bi?” she said uncertainly, gently scraping the excess wax off of the paper plane with her fingernail. “I don’t know for sure, so maybe not, but . . .”

Oh, fuck. This was a big moment. It was the kind of Big Moments David dreamed of, the kind he handled with so much more warm-heartedness than Jasper, who always sounded sarcastic when he tried to be nice; David would be so jealous he missed out, and he’d demand Jasper remember every detail (and not the ones about Gwen accidentally destroying his plane project), and would be so disappointed if he fucked this up . . .

Aaaand he’d been sitting here for like ten seconds not saying anything, like a dick. Fuck. “Hey, that’s cool!” he said, making her jump because he practically yelled it out of nowhere like a goddamn psycho. “I mean, welcome to the club!”

She didn’t make fun of him for being a massive goober, and for that he’d be eternally grateful. “But I should -- like, know, right?” she asked, setting aside his slightly-mangled plane (and making him breathe a sigh of relief). “I feel like it’s one of those things that . . . people fucking know. Like you are or you aren’t, and you can tell.”

“Not always,” he said, probably telling the truth but not really sure. Could he Google “how to help your friend come out without having a huge anxiety attack” without her noticing? “You hear about people who’re . . . y’know, super old and come out as gay or bi or trans or whatever. So I bet there are a lotta people like that.”

Could he just call David and have him talk her through this over the phone? Then he could do what he was actually good at: making paper airplanes -- he didn’t know how to do boats -- and coating them in wax, so that he could reenact the opening scene of It the next time it rained (hopefully minus the clowns and dismemberment).

“Yeah?” She looked a little bit less depressed than usual, and Jasper decided to take that as a win. The guidance counselor in high school who told him he’d be a “total nightmare for anyone who needed therapy and should never ever ever go into psychology” could suck it! He was great at this.

Probably.

As long as the conversation ended right now, before he had the chance to put his foot in his mouth.

“So did you just always know?” she asked after a moment.

Or not.

Jasper hadn’t started his day with the intention to have an involved conversation with his not-very-close coworker about his sexuality. But fuck if Camp Campbell wasn’t full of fun unexpected surprises. “I mean, I figured it out pretty early,” he said with a shrug. “There was this annoying little redheaded kid who wouldn’t leave me alone --” She snorted, making him smile. “-- and eventually he grew on me. And then I didn’t have to wonder if I liked boys, because I already . . . just sort of did.”

David had made it easy to come to terms with his sexuality, because he’d fallen for him before he’d had a chance to even question it.

It was always just him.

Keep Reading

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #campcampsecretsanta #jaspvid #jaspid #cc jasper #cc gwen #cc david #jasper lives au #forestwriting

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altruisticandsadistic · 5 years

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“Alright ladies, gentlemen, and other folk... You know since I want to be inclusive and there are a lot of honorifics out there for everyone. Ahem, sidetracked there sorry. But umm... please be nice for what you’re about to see. I locked her in a cellar for a bit to get this done.”

Yeah and it was musty as all hell you little shit. But anyways. I was given the idea to fill out Eve’s about stuff a bit more. Since you know she kinda fell into my lap heavily out of the blue. So here it is under the cut for length. Forewarning there is some heavy stuff there. I’ll tag it best I can but if I miss something let me know. Also let me know what you think. I’m still working on Ceara’s and Niamh’s at the moment so they’ll be coming soon.

Name: Eibhleann Granuaile aka Eve (Pronounced Eve + linn Graw + nya + wail, meaning the most remarkable, pleasant, radiant woman)

Age: 31

Birthday: March 27th

Zodiac: Aries

Sexuality: Lesbian

Basis: Dian Cecht of the Tuatha De Dannan

Occupation: Teacher

Appearance

Height: 5’2

Weight: 163 lbs

Hair: Cherry Blonde

Eye: Aquamarine leaning more to green

Bust: 38B

Shoe: 9US

Waist: 34in

Hips: 36in

Special Features: Eve is a trans female. Depending on the verse either post or pre op

Personality

Eve cares a lot about the people around her. Usually to her own detriment. Wanting to push the facets of her life she hadn’t been able to do for the first part of her life, she tends to be more motherly than she expects to be. She does tend to be timid and shy around others but that is simply because she is still getting used to herself.

Strengths:

Eve is quick to look over a situation and determine the best course of action to make sure the least amount of people get emotionally hurt. Taking in all the things she can see to do the right thing.

Weakness:

She tends to be distrustful of others. Not because of their actions but because of the actions of the many. Due to past circumstances she’d been outed and was fired from a previous job even though no one she worked with knew of who she’d been. Due to this she tends to be leery of anyone who says that they are nice, for fear that they are just going to backfire if they find out who she used to be.

Backstory

Eve was born to a couple struggling for a child. Her mother having not the best physiology, lost three previous attempts at one. So when Eve was born both her mother and father were ecstatic that they finally had a small one to love and care for.

Born originally Aiden Granuaile, Eve spent much of her young life uncomfortable with how she was. Being a boy was difficult and many a days were spent just fawning over the girls in his class, not for wanting to get with them but to be one of them. He refused to tell anyone about his feelings at the time though because his father was so happy to have a boy to do the typical father-son things that he couldn’t help but hide how he felt.

School was hard for the boy as while intelligent, his internal struggles caused him to have a lack of focus. Many times was he bullied for being smaller of stature than others and that grew into a slight inferiority complex that carried for the years to come. It certainly didn’t help that his growing need to be feminine leaked out here and there with small unnoticeable things like wearing wedged boots.

As Aiden grew into a young man he knew that he wanted to be a teacher. But wasn’t sure how to go about being the best teacher he could be. Each time he tried to go to school for it it would only end in defeat as he hated how he saw himself. There was no reconciling the inner and outer feelings he had and it slowly drove him mad.

In his mid twenties something finally snapped, causing him to regret his life. One night with a bottle of painkillers and far too much alcohol he tried to finish himself off. Not wanting to deal with the self hate he felt or the fact he failed at what he wanted to do. Taking the pills and slamming the full bottle of booze had him overdosing easily.

It was the grace of the gods and mainly his overbearing mother that he saw the next day. As she had come over and found him on the bed in his state. Rushing him to the hospital, he spent weeks getting better and going through both rehab and a mental health hospital. During this time he came to grips with who he was.

Weeks after his release he decided to take the plunge and came out to a few friends he had at the time. Taking the name Eibhleann for the beauty it sounded. Only to be discarded by the few folks other than her parents. She began her transition to her female self shortly there after, letting her hair grown out and learning better skills at makeup and such.

Her parents were behind her but she knew it was still a struggle even for them. Every once in a while the misgendering occurred but she let it slide as they had decades as Aiden history to go off of. But as time went on and she became more and more feminine it started to grate on her. When she officially took the name Eibhleann she let them know in no uncertain terms that if they called her, him they would be ignored for a while there after.

With her transition fully in swing she managed to return to school and finally get her teaching license. It was nice to put a stamp on something she had so sorely wanted as things were turning around. But it wasn’t to last.

Having had her older records sealed, her position at a posh school was nice and comfy. Until a colleague went digging and found out about the years she had been Aiden. Taking the information to the administration they balked at Eve, saying she’d lied about who she was. Tears in her eyes. Eve fought to say that those records were sealed for a reason. A person who no longer was. She had put the hard work in to be where she was but to no avail as they promptly fired her over misinformation.

Shortly there after, Eve started traveling around. Keeping to smaller less equipped schools and in only a substitute level capacity. So as to not have the chance to repeat the same experiences.

#Eve's updated about #tw: suicide mention #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw:suicide #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: drug mention #tw: alcohol

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rwbyremnants · 5 years

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Casual reminder this is still an AU, and Mr. Schnee is not the same as he is in the show.

THE END BUT NOT THE END!

So this is the last of the main story! Be prepared - we are about to hop forward a few years for a two-part epilogue, so stay tuned for that! Then you can stay tuned for more exciting things from RWBYRemnants, both in this verse and others!

=Chapter 41

The next couple of days flew by in a flurry of activity for the two honeymooning lovebirds. Sushi, shopping, and hitting random local attractions abounded, and they couldn't have been happier to do each and every one. It was all they had hoped for from their little cross-country vacation.

As Yang predicted, Weiss had a single near-emergency the morning after their new experiment, and after that her muscles were completely normal again. There was some vague teasing about diapers, but a good, firm pinch on Yang's bicep ended that fairly quick. Other than that, they were just happy to be intimate with each other again, and it dispelled a lot of that lingering awkwardness borne of their time spent apart.

By the time they made it to the Schnee building and were in the elevator on the way up, Weiss's contentment that her father and sister were both more accepting now had receded very slightly. She felt anxious all over again, stomach tying itself into knots and heart pounding. Sure, her father had said that he was fine with her dating a trans woman, but that could have been so much lip service; an attempt to soothe her and keep her from going off on him right away. Or even just the sheer relief of her being alive after the tragedy overshadowing any other concerns. How would it be when they actually met face to face again?

"This is it," Weiss whispered when the elevator doors whooshed open, taking Yang's good hand and squeezing it gently. "Moment of truth."

As they started to make their way down the halls, headed toward the once infamous office of Papa Schnee, Yang couldn't help but feel nostalgic about the whole affair. Two months ago, she was helping Weiss with her cases after the tour had finished. And three months prior to that, she and Weiss were at each other's throats, with Yang having to punch a security member to try and earn her trust. How odd it felt to be walking these halls again, hand in hand.

"It's gonna be fine," she reassured the diva as they waited outside the door, bracing herself for when Weiss was to knock. "He's been okay on the phone, and I bet Winter's talked him down, as well. Glad we have her on our side now."

"Agreed. So much worse to have to walk in there and face both of them for the same talk." Then she raised her fist, hesitated, and turned to give Yang a quick little kiss. "You ready?"

Taking a deep breath of her own, she took a moment to compose herself again. Before finally facing the door, and nodding. "Let’s do this thing."

So then she raised her hand, took another breath, and knocked. A few seconds later, there was a click, and the door swung open to show Winter blinking mildly at the two of them.

"O-oh!" Weiss breathed, eyelashes fluttering rapidly. "I, um, didn't think you would already be back here from LA!"

"Things were wrapped up fairly smoothly." The taller woman's smile was tight, but at least it wasn't a frown. "Come in; he's been waiting."

When she stepped back to let Weiss in, she glanced at Yang briefly before walking through. They crossed the space to the man's desk, Weiss's high heels echoing in the space much more sharply than Yang's boots. The blonde felt as if she could throw up. Nonetheless, her hand never left Weiss's as she followed her into his larger area of the office.

Of course, Mr Schnee was at first signing a lot of paperwork, until he looked up – and unlike his usual meetings with either of them, he rose from his chair. Still in his best suit as usual, yet the once stern expression was absent. It was more concern than anything else. Watching as his daughter and her new partner approached the desk, he seemed to swallow nervously.

"…Weiss."

"Father," she replied in kind. Short, but courteous. "How are you?"

"Up to my neck in paperwork, to be frank. Paparazzi and talk shows are constantly contacting me to ferret out your whereabouts, and let’s not even get started with your publicists. However… oh, none of that’s important."

He'd already started to step out from his desk to one side, enough so the pathway between them both was clear, and held his arms out for her to run into. It had been too many years since he had shown such a gesture.

"I’m just so glad to see you."

She did not take off running straight away. Releasing Yang's hand, she took a hesitant step forward, very wary of this new side of him. Was it really alright? So many years had passed with him being emotionally closed-off that now she didn't know how to handle him opening up.

"Go on," Winter encouraged very softly from behind her.

And that was all she needed. Dashing across the space, she flung herself into her father's waiting embrace. Immediately, he embraced her right back, stroking her hair softly as he pulled her against his body. After years of no contact, he was certainly trying to make up for it in a single hug. That much was obvious when the odd tear or two fell down his cheek.

And Yang stood back, smiling to herself as she watched them reunite after so long. Just like with Winter, this was clearly what Weiss needed. To repair her tattered family again.

"I'm sorry, Daddy!" she cried into his chest, clinging tightly. "I wanted to tell you, w-when I could, not for the news to do it!"

"Don't be sorry, I should be sorry," he insisted, stroking her hair yet again. "I should never have seeded my girls with so much ignorance. I'm such an idiot, and a failure as a father! And with Yang, you must have felt so awful…"

Taking a deep breath, she was able to cut off her emotional outburst much more quickly than before. So much had gone on recently, and she was in a much better place, that crying almost seemed like a luxury she had run out of.

"I did, but… none of us knew any better. Not before we had this random crash course known as 'my love life', anyway. We were the same as you, not meaning to be unkind to anyone but never learning any different." She chanced a smile that came very near teasing him. "Guess you're never too old to learn, huh?"

"One or two phone calls helped." He then gazed over to Winter for a moment, sparing her a loving smile. Although they were still conducting themselves with similar professionalism to before, both seemed much happier in each other’s company now. Certainly enough to spare a smile to each other.

"Oh, really?" Weiss scoffed. "So you two are talking about me behind my back, are you? That's real nice."

"Don't get snippy now," Winter warned, even though she was wearing a smile similar to their father's. "We were discussing whether or not we should release a statement to the press. Finally, we decided that we should be leaving that up to you, of course."

"Up to you and your… girlfriend." That tone seemed a bit uncertain. Similar to Winter’s when she first discovered the photos of Yang before transition. He wasn't about to lecture her or call her out on that now, was he?! But when Yang shifted about slightly more nervously, Mr Schnee chuckled to himself. "I'm sorry, it just feels so strange for it to say aloud. I was always worried she'd come home with a… a rapscallion of a boy, but she turns up with a girl, who I hired! What a world."

"O-oh… Um, yeah." Yang coughed, unable to help but nervously shrug her shoulders, still keeping a fair distance. Seemed he didn't know of Yang's gender status, after all; Winter had seen fit to keep it under wraps. But that didn't do anything to stop the jitters. After all, she was still dating the boss's daughter.

"Dad, I… want you to meet her. Really meet her this time, not just a job interview." She finally drew back just enough to reach out for Yang's hand, hoping she would be brave enough to come forward but prepared to approach if she wasn't.

There was a moment's hesitation. This was a lot to take in! But in the end, she took Weiss's hand and stepped forward toward them both, barely managing to look up at Mr Schnee's rather stern expression. After a period of weathering it, she glanced at Weiss, who nodded reassuringly. Clearing her throat, she held out her better hand. "It's nice to… properly meet you, sir."

But Mr Schnee only stared at her hand for a moment, seemingly in disapproval. That was until he grasped her wrist and pulled her in toward him, hugging her just as tightly as he did Weiss. Much to the blonde's surprise, of course! That had been the last thing she expected! Right away he patted her back, a friendly gesture he rarely offered anyone, even his friends.

"For what you did for my daughter that day, the pleasure is all mine."

Obviously, Weiss was beaming like a five-year-old on Christmas morning, even jumping up and down very slightly. She drew her arm out from behind her father and placed her hand atop their clasped hands, almost as if sealing some kind of deal.

"Fantastic! I'm glad you approve of her, because we're getting married."

"WHAT?!" Winter burst out almost immediately, dropping the tablet she had just picked up from Mr Schnee's desk with a loud clatter. That same question was echoed by both Mr Schnee and Yang herself, who both quickly looked over to Weiss with concern. Though for Yang it was more fear than anything, as she suspected Mr Schnee wouldn't be all too thrilled with their apparent decision after only a few months.

"I'm kidding!" Weiss laughed, cackling and slapping her leg. But when they did not join her immediately, her laughter faltered. "You… oh no, did you really think…?"

"Oh, thank goodness! I mean… I don’t disapprove, but let me get to know the girl first!" her father reassured, eventually releasing his ‘daughter-in-law's’ hand to ruffle up her hair instead, even as she protested and quite obviously looked over to Weiss, seeming to mimic as though she was choking.

"Lil… Help?"

"Daddy, stop teasing her; she's already worried about how you'll like her." This was perhaps a bit too honest, but Weiss saw no point in beating around the bush now that most of the formalities were out of the way.

"Then perhaps you shouldn't tease us if you do not wish the two of you to be teased," Winter said, not unkindly but with a slight edge to her voice. Clearly, the news had flustered her – because she had picked up the tablet and was raising it with the screen pointing away from her. "Honestly…"

With a laugh of his own, Mr Schnee finally released Yang from his grasp, giving her a final pat on the shoulder. Seemed the formalities really were out of the way, considering the immense grin on his face, and the content smile as he looked Yang up and down. "Well, like I said; it will take some getting used to, but I think you'll make an honest woman out of my youngest." And then he looked to Weiss with the same grin. "Your mother would be jealous of the long hair, though."

"God, I don't know how she does it, either," Weiss sighed, drooping slightly — both in hair-related depression, and because she was relieved that things were going so well. "I mean, I use the best shampoos and conditioners money can buy, and I still don't have that much volume and resilience! Do you know how hard I can pull on this hair and get no breakage?! It's insane!"

Immediately when hair-pulling was mentioned, Yang's cheeks seemed to light up. As well as her putting her hand by her throat, signalling for Weiss to keep quiet about that; it revealed just a little too much about their private lives! But thankfully for them both, her father didn't seem to notice. Or at least, he pretended he didn't while he finally paced back to his desk with a soft chuckle of his own. But once he sat down, he did look to the papers on his desk, pulling out various forms.

"Unfortunately, family reunion aside, there are one or two business matters I do want to address with you both. Things the media have particularly wondered."

Nodding, Weiss took one of the two seats offered. "Naturally. I mean, I'll go on record as 'gay' if that's what they need, but honestly, I don't care about the label as much as I care about Yang."

"Well, the sexuality issue I've put on hold, because I'd rather you were the one to discuss it than it be through me. I may be better than I was, but I'm still learning, and frankly I don't want to screw up again. A-hah!" Finally, he seemed to find one of the papers he was searching for. Pulling it free from among the pile, he looked to it for a moment as he read the various text, smiling contentedly. "More importantly, they’re really clamoring for a full version of yours and Yang's song. Some are even wondering if you plan on an album of that genre; it would be a departure, for sure, but…"

"I… what?" Glancing down at the page he was reading, Weiss then turned to her girlfriend. "Did you know he was going to do this? I mean, asking you up onstage was just a last-minute idea, I never…"

But Yang was just as much in shock as she was. That was clear when she shook her head in response to the question. Looking to her lover's father with a rather confused gaze, she asked, "Do you mean, me specifically? With her?"

"Who else?" he asked, pulling out another form to read and check over.

"But… why me? I'm a bodyguard, I just play as a hobby. You can get any musician you want to do some acoustic stuff that's way more talented than me."

"Somehow, I don't think another musician would collaborate as well as you two. Nor do I think your audience would be happy if it was anyone else." Satisfied with the checks on the other form, he handed it to Weiss for her to look over. To Yang, it made no sense. Just lots of places for signatures and various paragraphs of text.

But Weiss had seen it too often: a recording contract.

"Daddy…" Her voice closed off as she read over it; this was better than he would have offered just anyone. Still not as lucrative as her own contract, and she couldn't fault him for that, but it was ridiculously generous to give a completely untested new talent this much consideration.

"Well," Winter suddenly put in, "once I went back to watch the video again, after I got past my… misgivings about Xiao Long, I couldn't deny that the music was beautiful. Not overly complex, not droll or simplistic; just a heartfelt melody. We'd be foolish not to at least consider signing her."

"Now as you can see, it's not a major deal. This is going to be very experimental, for everyone involved. But, if you want to give it a shot to see how it goes, the opportunity is there. We can let the world decide how famous your new side project gets."

But the warnings seemed to fall on deaf ears. Yang only continued to stare out blankly, completely speechless by the events. All she could think was that this was some sort of dream, that she'd suddenly wake from. But it was all there in black and white.

"Told you," Weiss said, grinning fiercely at her partner. "I told you that your talent was more than you gave yourself credit for! Oh, this is so exciting!"

When passed an identical contract herself, the blonde's focus went to it instead, where she read the various fine print and looked at what she needed to fill in. It was real, everything was real. Not only was she dating the famous Weiss again, but her father had graciously accepted her into the family. And now she was even given the option to collaborate with her, have her own name become famous with their help. Making music. No longer was it a dream, no longer was she just dating her sister's idol; she could be an idol to people herself.

It seemed she wasn't so different to Ruby after all, as shortly after reading the small print, she seemed to slowly keel to one side, letting out a small groan when she herself fainted.

"YANG!" Weiss gasped as her family members started, her father rising to his feet while watching his daughter rush to catch her. "Damn it, not again! What is with you two?!"

Thankfully Yang's recovery didn't take too long. The instant she woke again, Weiss helped her through the process of the contract. She told her what to write, where to sign, and all of the other information she possibly needed. Only a few other questions had to be dealt with that day, until Mr Schnee let the couple, and Winter, be on their way so he could finish the rest. They had earned that much.

But the day was far from over, as Weiss told her girlfriend, anyway. Yang was completely clueless as to what was going on as she sat in the back of Winter's car with her girlfriend. Under her insistence, the snood was completely over her eyes while the car journeyed along. But that didn't stop the occasional question.

"Is it… Taco Bell? Is that the surprise?"

"Of course not," Weiss sighed in exasperation, given that this was the eighth such inquiry. "And keep that snood on or I'll never forgive you!"

"Girls, girls," Winter said in her best matronly voice. "Settle down back there or I'll turn this car around!"

It took a few seconds for Weiss to mutter, "It's scary how much you sound like her when you do that, God."

"Can I not even peek?" But the instant a finger touched the snood, the immediate "NO!" made Yang draw her hand away, and instead she just continued to giggle as she sat contentedly.

However, something had been on her mind since the encounter: how nice Mr Schnee was about the whole situation. When it was Winter first discovering they were together, the more concerning thing for her was the fact Yang was transgender. And yet, Mr Schnee didn't seem to mind at all…

"Hey, Winter?" Yang asked as she shuffled in her seat again. "When you talked to your dad about me and Weiss… What did you say, exactly? Cause he seemed pretty damn… cool about… what kind of girl I am.”

"Ah." As the car was guided around a corner, the elder sister said, "I didn't disclose your gender status. Though I did contemplate it when I told Weiss and she did not seem to mind, in the end I thought it was best to approach you directly instead of him. And I still believe that's best, though for different reasons now."

The car came to a smooth halt. Winter took a deep breath and followed up, "I know now that my actions, digging into your past… yes, I was only doing my job to keep Weiss safe from would-be predators, but the information I found out about you… I wish I could unlearn it and have you tell me yourself. That would have been more ideal. Since I cannot do that, I thought I could at least afford you that luxury with my father. As… some small apology."

Although the blindfold hid away most of her face, the small smile seemed to say enough. They really had come so far from the loggerheads they were right at the beginning. "I'm pretty grateful for that. Thanks, Winter. I'll tell him eventually, but for now, maybe I should just see if it comes up?"

"Perhaps." Then she cleared her throat. "And, um… do you mind if I speak to Weiss alone for a moment?"

"We can’t!" Weiss snapped. "I have to get out to make sure she doesn't peek!"

Though giggling, Yang nodded, blindly reaching for the car door handle as she flicked it open. "Don't sweat it, I'll be good! Just don't let me walk into moving traffic and I'll be fine."

Once Yang had closed the door, Weiss turned back to Winter and tried to assume a less hostile expression than she would have a mere month ago. "Well?"

"Alright. So… we have established that we wish to be more… sisterly, haven't we?" Winter asked, voice clearly a bit nervous. Scared, even, of what Weiss's answer would be on this topic. “Gossip the way other sisters do. Which, granted, I don’t have a lot of firsthand experiences, but I’ve seen them on TV and in movies.”

"Of course. I'm still holding you to the pyjama party, no matter where we end up having it. And you're painting my toenails."

Coughing slightly, oddly embarrassed at that thought, Winter shook it off and pressed, "Sisters can tell each other anything, right? Well…" More fidgeting, and finally the woman turned in her car seat to gaze straight back at the younger Schnee, who was simply waiting patiently for the point to come along. "Yang… um… how big is she? Are we talking average, or…?"

"Big? She's not that much taller than me, but you can-" When the meaning hit home, Weiss's eyes and mouth formed a perfect trio of wide hoops as she gasped, then literally sat up so fast her head hit the ceiling with a thump! "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS?!"

"I'm sorry! I just- ever since I figured that out during my research, I couldn't get the question out of my mind, I've been dying to know! I mean, I've never met any women with her equipment, so I don't know how it measures up to-"

"Look up some PORN! God, Winter, I am absolutely ashamed of you for asking about my girlfriend's DICK!"

Ducking her head, Winter tried to cough again to hide the true reason her cheeks were filling with rouge. "Honestly, I apologise! Please don't be angry, I didn't think- you don't have to tell me, I just thought I'd ask, I… I didn't mean to offend!"

"Wow," Weiss deadpanned, still shaking her head slightly. "Gee, I don't know how asking your sister how much dick she's getting could be at all offensive! Or weird! Guess I'm just silly like that!"

"No, no, this wasn’t about you or how you interact with it, just… her basic measurement!" When Weiss inhaled, she squeezed her eyes shut and hastily added, "Not that I still think you'll tell me! Just wanted to be clear what my question was!"

"Fine. You've been clear." As she scooted toward the door, she hesitated with her hand on the handle. "IF… you don't think it's too skeevy for us to talk about this, I'll CONSIDER giving you some details at our slumber party. But not a moment before!"

Completely relieved, Winter sighed and mopped her brow. "Very well, I'll… I'll see about buying a few Blu-Rays and some nail polish. Maybe some pyjamas with patterns of fuzzy pink animals."

"Jesus, you want to know that bad, don't you?"

"THAT ISN'T WHY I-" But she stopped when she caught sight of the smirk on Weiss's face and glared. "You're teasing me. I'm sitting here, feeling like an awful person, and you're teasing me!"

But Weiss didn't directly respond. Instead, she merely opened her door and said, "We'll get our things from the trunk. Enjoy your drive back!"

Winter didn't answer.

Having managed to find her way to a safe spot — at least what she thought was a safe spot — Yang continued to hum to herself as she twiddled her thumbs. She did as Weiss asked; no peeking until she told her she could. But from the sound of the car door, that was going to be soon.

Facing the direction which it came, she grinned happily, asking, "Can I peek now? Pretty please?"

"No," Weiss said immediately as she opened the already-popped trunk and withdrew their suitcases. "Just hang onto your bag, and I'll guide you inside. I will let you know when you're allowed to look." Then she slammed the lid and added, "Understand?"

"Alright alright, Mrs Boss-Schnee." As asked, she held her case with the better hand, having to take Weiss's with the casted one as she guided her away. All the while, Yang was completely in the dark about this surprise. Figuratively, and literally. No hints, no clues, nothing. She really had no idea what awaited her once Weiss let her look. It was scary, but also exciting.

"Just a little further," Weiss said as she unlocked the door, guiding Yang past it and deeper inside. Their steps echoed as if they were in a larger, more open indoor space. The hands took the suitcase and set it aside, turned Yang very slightly, then reached up and nipped the snood away. "Okay. You can open your eyes."

When Yang did, what she observed was a living room. However, it was a very unique one; everything was rounded and in earthy tones, a long, curved couch, a low coffee table made of dark wood. Round little ottomans. An executive chair and a couple of electric guitars off to one side… and as she noticed, the yellow-and-black ‘Tobacco Sunburst’ acoustic was propped up next to them, ready to be strummed. Most distinctive was the floor-to-ceiling panoramic window that looked out over Old Hickory Lake; it was a gorgeous view.

A very familiar view. One that should have belonged to…

"Iron Man," Weiss followed up her train of thought with an elated little bounce when she edged into the corner of Yang's field of vision, her hands behind her back and cheeks bunched up from smiling. "I had a crew start work on building this during the tour, and… well, I didn't think to call it off when you went to Chicago. Now I'm glad I didn't, or there would have been no way it'd be completed by now."

Yang didn't think she could be any more speechless than earlier. But she was. She truly was. Slowly pacing downward toward the huge window, she looked out in awe at the sight before her, one that would no doubt be fantastic in a sunset or a sunrise. But just where were they, exactly? As she slowly stepped to look around the rest of the building, she continued to gape at all of the small quirks and features. This was much more personal, much more of a living space then her sterile apartment in her father's building was. It was alive.

"Did you… Did you build an entire house? For us?" she asked, continuing to look around for a moment longer. Though that question seemed silly. Of course a house couldn't be finished in such little time. But a renovation, maybe.

"For you," she corrected, following her around like an eager puppy. "You said you wanted a place like this of your own, modeled after Tony Stark's. I mean, I don't know how many details I got right; I'm not as big a fan as you are. But I trusted the architect I hired to be thorough in his research."

"This is just…" Continuing to gaze around the living room, to the couch and TV area, she could barely string a sentence together. Weiss did this all for her. And had it prepared for a long, long time. When she walked and finally sat herself down on said couch, she looked up toward her, tilting her head. "And I thought the only home you had was your apartment."

"It was." Then she approached and plunked herself down on the same couch. "But… now I have you. And I want us to have a home; one that you like. Not just moving in with me at my dad's building."

"You… I… wait." Leaning forward, she stared toward the ground for a moment longer to try and process everything. So much had happened today; the recording contract, being accepted fully by Weiss's father, and now this. She wanted them to live together, in a house she'd specifically modelled for her. This was hers and Yang's house, in every way. And Weiss made the arrangements for it while they were away, without her even knowing. It was an incredible surprise. One she knew not how to respond to.

But thinking on it further, she still hesitated longer. The last time she said she had to think about it, that she couldn't admit her true feelings in fear of timing, it nearly got them separated forever. She knew she loved Weiss; and knew from that painful separation, she wanted to be with her forever. Moving permanently was a big step, a big and scary step.

"You… actually want to live with me?"

Weiss scooted forward just a bit and turned in her seat to grasp Yang's thigh with both of her hands. "That's all I want. The only thing I want out of my life… all the glamour and stardom, talk shows, money, being successful… what's the point of it all if I can't share it with the only person who makes me truly happy?"

That seemed to settle it. There was no point in hiding her true feelings. Not when she and Weiss clearly wanted the same thing. Perhaps it was too soon, or perhaps it was just another step. Yang didn't care. She was more than willing to take it this time, and discover what the future had in store for them. Though for a moment, she bit her lip and smirked, before she leant in closer to Weiss on the sofa, resting a head on her shoulder as she looked up innocently.

"Don't suppose there's a lab in the basement with a bunch of iron suits is there?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Weiss said with an affected air. "Haven't you met me? I'm THE Weiss. I don't do things halfway." She stood, reaching out a hand for her love. "Though I'm afraid the technology for the suits to actually fly and shoot laser beams isn't on the market yet. Sorry."

"Did you at least get me a fucking rad cosplay of him? Or Rescue?" Though when the latter of the two raised an eyebrow, as she was confused by the question, she laughed nervously. "Right, the comics aren't your thing. It’s totally fine that I’m the bigger geekburger here."

Laughing self-consciously, Weiss said, "I've never read a comic that wasn't in the Sunday newspaper in my entire life. But…" Pulling Yang in close, she leaned up and kissed her cheek softly. "If you have some, maybe I'll like them. But hey, I mean, never hurts to try something new, right? Y-you can, um… find me a good one, and I’ll try it."

“Really?!” Turning her head to press their foreheads against one another, the blonde’s smile grew into a ridiculous grin. "I'll get them when I grab the rest of my stuff, then."

"You really do have comics? That's pretty cool!" When Yang raised an eyebrow, she shrugged, "Well… I mean, it seems nerdy, but then again I've never known anyone who actually had them. And you definitely are not nerdy! Th-that is, in that lame way…" She trailed off, laughing at herself and gazing down at the floor. "I'll stop before I sound even worse."

She couldn't help but giggle to herself. Weiss seemed to miss the point Yang was getting at. "You realise that was a 'Yes, I'll move in with you', right?"

"Well yeah, but I don’t want you to think I care if you’re a nerd or… oh? I- oh." The diva’s face went slack for a moment as she processed, then brightened considerably. "You… really will? You’re sure? You don't hate it, you… and with me being here? Oh, Yang! Come here!"

Then she leapt up and threw her arms around her neck, drawing her down for a flurry of kisses. She wasn't about to stop showing Yang how unbelievably happy she was for a long, long time.

#White Noise #popstarverse #freezerburn fanfic #rwby fanfiction #rwbyremnants

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the-mira-life-project-mtf · 5 years

Text

My MtF~H.R.T. Journey -- As Gender Nonconforming, People Still Love Me

Finding Acceptance Where I Though None Existed

COMING OUT...IT ALWAYS OCCUR OVER AND OVER

Back in 2018, I initially came out as gender-nonconforming as I did not want to fully convert as I was terrified of my family and being outcast by my friends. My transgender identity keep changing as I found myself adapting and becoming Mira. I was turning from gender-nonconforming and turning into gender-fluid.

Even now, I am gender-fluid as I prefer to remain between genders. Male when it serves me and female when it comforts me. Since the start of 2019, both of my genders have been active with a case of a-gender to protect my feelings. Unknown to me, I have lived my life as a-gender as I have no set of pronouns and typically refer to myself as ‘they’ or ‘we’. However, since March of 2019...I have converted once more into a trans-woman as I am now on the path to turn my appearance and identity, female.

To this day, I still call myself gender-nonconforming and gender-fluid as I know I will always have a male and female side, however, my trans-woman side will take dominance.

MY NEW FAMILY IS LETTING MIRA BLOOM

Ever since I have came out to the Messinger’s, I have witnessed Mira bloom. Even though I am the same person, I ‘feel’ different now. I feel allowed to act out my emotions, show love and seek family. My whole Transgender nature depended on the Messinger’s accepting me as Mira and since they did, that is why I am writing this.

I was visiting the Messinger’s as I was dropping off some of my stuff from my old home as Michelle was sharing her day. “I had to take Ryan to the doctor today, we thought he might have a nasal polyps, and as a mom, I was concern for him.” I released a concerned groan as I listened from the stairs, which I was sitting upon. “Luckily it wan’t that, his nose has a deviated septum. Anyhow, I told him about you moving in with us and joining our family, he thinks that is a good idea. Then I told him about your other issue and he was excited. He said that he wants to help you!”

“Oh?” I ask as I know that I will need all the help.

“He said, if anyone messes with you, he will protect you. He can’t wait to do your makeup and do your hair...I told him that you need to ask him.” Michelle says as I thought about having makeup and having my hair done...looking feminine.

REACHING OUT TO ONE WHO ONCE HATED THE GAYS

Barb: Your dad and I would love to get together with you. We could meet at a restaurant, your grandmother's house...wherever. Whenever, just let us know what works for you. Scratch Crisco's and AJ's ears for me.

Mira: I certainly have been needing to have a revisit, and look forward to setting up a time. Might have to be awhile, I am in the process of moving and transitioning to a new family who has asked to take me in (countless times). They are wonderful people, very loving and have been there for me when my family would not (besides you and Dad, who have came more times then my mother, which really means much to me). I believe their willingness to adopt me as a member of the family is due to the fact that Mitch lost both of his daughters to CF and for two years prior, one of his daughters named Amanda, was the one who keep pushing me to be tested for CF. If it wasn’t for her diligence, I probably would not be here today. So I feel indebted to the family, and I believe it is a way he can properly grieve and hope to save me from the mistakes he made with his own girls. Ironically, I am much healthier with them as they keep me true to my regiment and help with clearing my airways. They are also willing to let me live my life without hiding an embarrassing secret, which I am certain will nevertheless have me excommunicated from the family. I am not certain how you both will take the news, and if you wish to distance yourselves, I would not be offended and honor your wishes. Only four people know this, and you’ve both been quite like family to me, so I will share it with you, so you can decide if you still want to visit: Since I was seven years old, I’ve struggled with identity. I have come to a conclusion that my gender dysphoria was caused from being raised in a female-styled family with no male influence, many links to me being female started when I was nine, steroids I was taking for my asthma starting my development on the incorrect path. Teen years were not easy, my actions certainly were not masculine as I avoided sports and sang soprano in my choirs until I was 18 years old, then lowered to alto. With my failing health, and depression from hiding this from my family, and hearing their opinions about transgender individuals with borderline on the violent side, I lived a double-life. About five years ago, when I could not work, my health was crashing, grandfather passed away and my relationship with Ruth failed, I accepted my nature and began converting my identity. I am enrolled in hormone replacement therapy and have plans to change my name and identity once I am fully adopted into the new family. I don’t press my views on other people (as that personally annoys me); and so I will not be ashamed or upset if you still wish to refer to me as David. However, my identity will be shifted to Mira Carlene Messinger probably by the summer. It has taken me much will to write this, and again, I understand this is much to accept...it took me a year just to accept it myself. So I expect, and understand that many old relationships will be destroyed by this. Please let me know your thoughts. I will certainly pass on your love to Cisco and AJ...they love the attention!

Steve: Your my son and I love you, that will never change! Barb's cares about you. Search your heart; seek Jesus . Remember, your my son. I will not turn my back on you!! We love you. Dad.

Barb: David your dad and I love you, We love you as David and will love you as Mira. We still want to be part of your life and we still want to see you.

Mira: That is so comforting to hear! I can’t express how happy it makes me, that both of you are so willing to except me for who I am! I still like to meet-up, catch-up on how you’ve been doing. Hopefully sometime in May would be great! With all my love!

I was shocked to see that Barb and my biological father were so accepting of my transgender nature. When I sent the message, I watched the message gain a thumbs-down, then a angry face and finally a thumbs-up. This was probably because the revelation was shocking for Barb and Steve that she did not know how to respond. (amended 9-26-2019 — misleading information in article has been corrected after learning family past)

REKINDLING A LOST LOVE

Back in 2016, Ruth (Bisexual) and I got into a fight while traveling the Oregon Coastline. We had dated for over eight years and after that August disruption, we called it an end. It wasn’t until 2018 when I reached out to Ruth to talk about my transgender revelation; but did not tell her I was taking hormones and wishing to become female. Today, I sent a message to her to see what she thought.

I have started coming out to a selected few as I don’t want these people to feel bad when I come out officially in May. It is easier to privately speak to these people...preparing them for my transformation:

Mira: Thank you so much for reaching out...it means a great deal to me! I just want to drop a few lines to bring you up to date about what is going on. Much is about to change in my life and a few are on board to see me through, and I want to inform you too before I decide to go public about my choices. So, after long deliberation, I have decided to move from my grandparents place and to Mason county. This move is due to the nature of my health, knowing they will not be there for me, and placing myself in the hands of someone who has experience with treating end-stage cystic fibrosis. They have asked for me to come live with them, and willing to adopt me into their family permanently. For about a year I said no, but have decided that living there is best for my physical and mental health. The second change that is coming soon is to align myself with my identity. I have been in deep consideration and reflection and last year, I decided to act upon my gender-fluid issue by taking hormones to correct my physical form. As you know, I closely identify as female over male, and my discomfort in my body made me isolated and unwilling to be affectionate. Sorry for the ordeal this has put upon you, since taking hormones...I’ve noticed that it is so much easier to be comfortable with myself and have became deeply empathetic. It is wonderful! If this makes you uncomfortable, I apologize and totally understand your feelings and respect any decisions you make. I f you are willing to continue our relationship, I would like to start over! I know the past two years had some strain and I hope my choices will help us become closer. This experience has been hard upon me as I fear losing people I love, but I think it is time. I have came out to my new family to see what they think and they fully support my decisions and will help me convert over time. By summertime, I hope to leave my old life behind and become Mira Carlene Messinger. Let me know your thoughts. I’d like to set up a time for us to see a movie, there is a sad one about cystic fibrosis in the theaters right now. I’ve read the book, it was well written and hauntingly accurate. We could wait and see Avengers Endgame. Maybe this summer we can take a few day trips until we feel comfortable to take longer ones. Love you!

Ruth: Hi Mira, I must say I am in awe of your courage in embracing who you are. I must also say you were right about me in noticing the characters I identify with are primarily male, and I have suspected for awhile that am either bi-gender or identify as male.

For the time being, I'm staying physically female, but I am absolutely willing to both continue our relationship and start over.

Once you admitted to me that you are female, it was like the whole universe aligned and everything just made sense. I would love to see a movie with you, and have been wanting to see both the CF one and the Avengers one.

I'm dog sitting at the moment and am enjoying the time to be the alpha male I am inside. BTW, if I had been born a man, my name would be Timothy. As things stand now, I identify as both Ruth and Timothy, although only you, my sister, and my shrinks know that.

I love you, Mira, and am excited to date my new girlfriend. Much love, Ruth/Timothy

Mira: Much love too Ruth/Timothy...I love that name, very pretty. Be curious to hear about it!

Sorry my last message was rushed, was talking with my soon-to-be family; been busy planning my room and needs...it is all rather exciting! Just wanted to acknowledge your wonderful comment. I certainly love you, either as Ruth, Timothy or both! And I wish to express my sincere gratitude that you shared this with me. I always was pleased that you played the masculine role in our relationship...and it comforts me to start anew as your girlfriend. It will take some time to conform, but from what my mom and dad say, looks like I am conforming quite well...even my moms 13 year old daughter is going to help me adjust...and I can always use advice along the way. I can’t express how excited for our first date! As Mira, my world has open...it is amazing and I can’t wait to legally take the name! Have fun dog sitting my young Alpha and I look forward to even possibly sharing our first kiss. Let me know when you are free sweetheart! Mira

Ruth: I will be done dog sitting on Monday. On Tuesday I work at L'Arche, but I am free all other days. As for my male name, the story behind it is quite simple. Either ultrasonic imaging hadn't been invented yet, or my parents chose not to know my gender right off the bat. My parents each chose a name for me. Dad chose Ruth Ann if I was a girl, and Mom chose Timothy John if I was a boy. I feel like both

Mira: Oh...that is so awesome! That is so wonderful that you have both of your given names! You are blessed to have such a loving mom and dad! They are great people! My schedule is pretty free, will be gone the weekend to clam dig and then gone the third weekend. I have my facenra injection on the 19th, digging clams 20-24th at Ocean Shores and see my transgender physician on the 26th for the first time. Anytime next week be wonderful!

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amosbrittany · 5 years

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Shattered chapter 4

Disclaimer : I don’t own Transformers Animated or any characters for that matter.

Notes : I haven’t done fanfiction, let alone TF based, in ages. And never for TFA, So I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing but what the hell, I’m going for it. lol I took quite a few liberties, pulling bits from various continuities to build this sucker.

Warnings : I have a tendency to put characters through hell. A bit of Bumblebee/Blitzwing this chapter. Eventual Optimus/Sentinel, Megatron/Ultra Magnus, Jazz/Prowl and Ratchet/Pharma.

Summary : The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but Sentinel’s latest stunt might just kill them all…or worse.

After fourteen million years of conflict and politics, of strife and sorrow, with limited joy and pleasure...He had been ready. The light of the Well of Allsparks had been at arms length, its warmth inviting. It promised the peace he craved, the serenity he longed for. Any moment soon, he would be free. He would be rejoined with friends lost long ago, comrades in arms and even the odd lover. He let himself bask in the warm glow as he waited, knowing it would be all too soon-

Before it all fell apart right before him.

Without warning, he was suddenly, violently ripped from that idealic paradise. The light was snuffed out, engulfed in a stifling darkness. Liquid fire suddenly exploded through his lines before a deathly chill wrapped around him. He found himself awake again, wildly aware and alert. It felt like his spark was smothered in something thick and heavy. Optics focusing, the darkness that surrounded him grew thin and he could see the living world again.

And in front of him, the bane of his new, damned existence.

If Ratchet hadn't arrived when he did, he would have torn Sentinel apart. Plate by plate, component by component. Or maybe he would have returned the favor, killing him and then ramming some insidious object into his spark chamber. For now, Sentinel could rot in Trypticon until he decided on a proper and brutal punishment.

Ultra Magnus snarled to himself as he navigated the deep catacombs of Cybertron, searching for the fountainhead of the Well. If he had to, he was going to throw himself into it and be done with this life. Some time ago, the techno-organic girl had returned the incomplete Allspark to where it came from, restoring its ability to birth new life unto their home world. With any hope, it would guide him to the afterlife. If it didn't...Well, Sentinel had better start praying and hard if he wasn't already.

Ignoring every other noise that echoed along the halls, he registered a consistent skittering sound that followed after him. He had a suspicion who it was, given the reports from Earth and the trial fiasco. It was curious that she would see fit to follow him. Either she wanted to know what he was up to or she was looking for an opening, whether to strike or talk. He had no interest in talking, not to her or anyone. If she had complaints about his not sending troops to retrieve her, he had no reason to bother defending the decision. Smart tactitians didn't send troops into hostile and structurally unstable territories for shells where foolish cadets shouldn't have been treading in the first place.

He came to a large, open space, finding the centurion drones resting in their rank and file. The ominous guardians of Vector Sigma were as imposing as he remembered them. Looking past them, he eyed multi-faceted dome behind them. If he approached, it was likely they would react and attack him. The juggernauts were fierce, powerful. Even he would have some difficulty fighting his way through.

"Dead end?" A female voice purred.

Ignoring the trans-organic femme, he studied the chamber as he began to consider his strategy. The Drones had always been fairly simplistic, one track minded machines. As he devised what he would do about them, he moved forward, slow and wary. Blackarachnia watched from the entrance, somewhat eager since these were legendary mechanisms and it wasn't often one saw the Magnus in action. But as he walked, the Drones simply stood. Ultra Magnus strode on, watching them to his left and right, waiting for something. For whatever reason, they weren't invested in his presence.

Maybe corpses just weren't that much of a threat.

With a wide and triumphant smile, he ascended the steps and threw wide the doors to Vector Sigma, the sight of the softly glowing blue light of the Well greeting him. He stared in hope at the font, giddy for a brief klik. Quickly, he moved forward...and found himself repelled by the light. It forced him back a step, much to his surprise. "What...? What is this!" Hammer discarded, he slammed his hands forward only to feel pushed back. He tried to claw at whatever invisible force was holding him back to no avail, incoherently screaming as a figure began to appear before the light. It was Yoketron's successor, Prowl. "Why am I not allowed?! What is this?!"

"I'm sorry, Ultra Magnus..." Prowl murmured, his voice heavy with grief. "You can't...What flows through you...What's consumed your spark...It's anathema to Primus. When your spark goes out, I'm afraid only the void awaits you."

"WHAT! I didn't do this! This isn't my sin, why am I being the one punished?!" The Magnus roared with fury. The ninjabot simply shook his head sadly, returning to the Well of Allsparks. He stared at the light, dumbstruck.

Blackarachnia observed the exchange from the doors, quickly slinking away. Following and watching the Magnus had been a mistake, this felt like something she nor anyone else should have been witness to. She could feel a dark storm brewing and she intended to have a safe distance between her and him.

As the spider made her escape, Magnus numbly picked up his hammer before he began the slow trek back for the surface. He stared ahead blankly, but his processor was racing. It was going through every possible torture method conceivable he could inflict on Sentinel. It was imagining every sordid, terrible thing he could do to the young Autobot. Finally, in the end, there would be no sweet release for him either. He would damn Sentinel, kill him, and when he eventually joined him in the void...Eternity was going to be a long, wretched ordeal for the Prime to say the least. His plates quivered with his burning hatred and rage.

'That sounds appealing.' An old, dark voice rumbled.

Ultra Magnus growled, hefting up his hammer and whirling around, prepared to bludgeon anyone foolish enough to bother him to death. There was only shadow. "..."

'But...perhaps I can suggest something else.'

He flinched, turning again. Still, there was nothing there. At first he wanted to say his audials were malfunctioning, but the voice was strong and as clear as one could be that sounded like stones grinding together. It felt like they pulsed through his very spark. "Who are you...?"

'Who I am...It is unimportant right now. What is important...is what I can offer you. If you do as I bid.'

The room spun briefly, the darkness creeped in. As much as he tried to see, there was nothing his optics or sensors could pick up. Slowly, he lowered his hammer. "And what exactly is it you want?" There was hardly any harm in hearing out a proposal he supposed, though he had a feeling this one would be a heavy burden to take on.

'Go to Earth. Gather what remains of the Allspark. Fuse it with my blood. REVIVE ME...And you will be free.'

"Your blood."

'That which flows through you, sustains you...that which lies scattered in deposits across the Fringe...'

Ultra Magnus looked down at his own chest, touching at his worn and grey badge. Anathema to Primus. There was only one name in the records that came to mind. The Uncreator. The Chaosbringer...

Unicron.

It all made sudden and terrible sense. And yet...He didn't care. For a brief moment, it had stunned him, but the shock melted into apathy. What did it matter now? He was doomed and for some reason, the thought of taking everyone with him was oddly satisfying. He could probably blame it on the Dark Energon coursing through his lines, corrupting his spark and his processor, generating dark thoughts and emotions. The dead mech who walked laughed grimly. "Of course. Why not? It isn't like Primus is offering me salvation from oblivion..." Was Primus even paying attention? Did he even care?

The silence was telling.

~+~

Ultra Magnus returned topside, formulating what he would do. The Council would not assist his endeavor, even if he told them a half lie. They would not permit him to leave Cybertron and this was a mission he needed to do himself. He couldn't trust anyone else and once the cat came out of the bag, there would be opposition. The greatest obstacle in his way would be Optimus Prime. He was no fool. Anyone who could rise up and defeat Megatron twice was a force to be reckoned with. Even with the power of a Dark God pumping through him, he was not going to take any chances. Unicron whispered to him, telling him all he could do with his new dark gifts.

Determining what he needed in order to succeed, he mentally went over the list he compiled. He needed soldiers. Loyal and completely bound to him, so that he could count on them when the time was right. For what he planned, he needed those capable of stealth. Grunts to provide distraction would also be useful. He would need to disable Cybertron's warp capabilities except for one point, which he intended to use for his own purposes. Last, he needed a base of operation, which he already had his optics set on-

"Ultra Magnus!" He ignored the small voice as he made his way to the mausoleum halls of Iacon. The vast majority of the dead were entombed on Luna 2, but the Halls of Iacon provided the resting places for some of their most memorable heroes. Tiny pedes raced to keep up with him though, showing him the small bot would not be deterred. When he finally huffed in exasperation after the tenth time his name was called and looked down, he stared at Bumblebee. The minibot grinned sheepishly, "Hey there. Audials not working?"

"They are." Ultra grunted, stopping to stare up at the archway leading into the halls where their dead were stored. "I was ignoreing you...What do you want? I'm busy."

"Sure you are-I mean, I was wanting to check on something with you!" Bumblebee began at a mutter under his breath before quickly changing his tone at the way the Magnus glowered at him. "You see, Alpha Trion offered-"

"No."

"But you didn't...He offered-"

"No."

"He offered-!"

"No."

"DAMN IT, HE OFFERED BLITZWING A PARDON IF HE DEFECTED!" The yellow bot screamed before he was cut off again.

Ultra Magnus gave him a bored look. "The mech who destroyed Kappa Supreme and served Megatron for nearly as long as I have been Magnus wants to defect. Is that what you're implying?"

"Yeah. And he warned me, so you know, that the other Cons were hopeful he would free them at some point."

"That doesn't strike you as suspicious?" Another idea began to form, a dark and terrible one.

"Well, he didn't have to warn me. But he did. He could have just went with it. Anyway, he says if you give the green light and he can be with me, then he'll go for the deal."

The massive mech arched an optical ridge. "'Be with you'?" He repeated those words suggestively.

It seemed to take the minibot a moment, but his face plate suddenly went red with heat. "Wh-WAIT! That's not what I meant! That's not how it is!" Although that had been the way Blitzwing had phrased it, and he had an odd tone as he said it...Bumbebee was certain that was not how it was meant. However, when he thought of it like that, it wasn't unappealing somehow. But Ultra Magnus didn't need to know something like that!

"I will consider it. When I visit Trypticon, I will have my decision on the matter. Now if you will excuse me, I have something to do." He tried to dismiss the small bot by stepping forward, but Bumblebee got in his way again.

"Oh yeah, Alpha Trion and bossbot are looking for you too. Urgent and stuff."

The thread on his patience snapped. He swung his hand, backhanding the minibot out of his way harshly. Bumblebee cried out, landing to the side. Ultra Magnus sneered. "I will deal with them in my own time. Next time you get in my way, I will rip you limb from limb." He bared his teeth at the cowering mech who stared back at him in terror. It was a little gratifying, seeing how scared the cocky little bug was. His intense violet optics lingered menacingly on Bumblebee for a klik more, then he turned and headed into the mausaleum. There was the sound of tires squealing in the distance, telling him the minibot was off to report what just happened. No doubt they would come rushing his way once they heard where he was and what he had done since they seemed suspicious of him as it was, so he quickened his pace.

The first tomb he was after was Prowl's. Carefully, he pulled it open, revealing the ninja's prone form. He grabbed a pede, throwing him out of the coffin before pushing the slab back in carefully in an effort to make it look undisturbed. Such care would buy him a little time until someone either looked inside or took note on the security footage. Jazz would most likely be the whistle blower, if not another member of the crew. By then it would be too late.

Dragging the corpse with him, he raided several other tombs for intelligence and stealth agents they had lost in the past. Once he had them, he lined them up and opened each of their chassis to reveal the empty spark chambers of their protoforms. Carefully, he opened his own. The shard Sentinel had implanted was now a cluster that had eaten into the 'flesh' of his protoform. He wondered morbidly how long it would be before it all consumed him. With a grimace, he extracted several shards. One by one, he planted the dark seeds, letting them drag the sparks back from the Well and revive the dead. He hovered over Prowl for a moment, smirking with dark pleasure. It was almost vindicating to do this to the soldier.

'Deny me, will you? How do you like trying this on for size?'

The shard was pushed into Prowl's spark chamber and his chassis closed. Ultra Magnus stepped back as the process repeated itself, lighting up the visor with the same eerie light as his and the others. His smirk faded, hearing a truck drawing closer at a dangerous speed. Just as he expected. As Prowl silently and unsteadily rose, the Magnus turned to his chosen agents. "Hide out of sight, keep to the shadows. Let no one find you. I will give you your assignments before long." The living dead regarded him quietly before they bowed submissively, scattering themselves into the darkness of the halls. Prowl lingered, as if his processor was trying to act on its own, but failed. He darted away, disappearing with the rest.

Satisfied, he turned as Optimus came veering into the sector he stood. Hot on his heels was Bumblebee of course. Transforming, the young Prime stormed towards him, looking ready for a fight. Ultra Magnus simply watched him calmly. "What are you doing here, sir?" He demanded firmly. It didn't go unnoticed how he strained the word 'sir'.

"I'm paying my respects. Or is that a crime now?"

"No...But striking Bumblebee, let alone threatening him like that, was absolutely unnecessary."

"Well...Maybe you should educate him against harassment then. Now, he mentioned something 'urgent' you insist on pestering me with?" Magnus sighed.

Optimus sighed angrily. How could he brush aside his callous behavior so readily? "Alpha Trion thinks that you're strained from...what happened and that it might be too soon for you to resume your position so soon. They feel-"

"A leave of absence is necessary so I am to hand over my hammer and let them run things. Yes, yes, I expected as much." At first, he was prepared to tell them all to slag off...But he realized such a course would work best in his favor. His access would still be in play, he simply wouldn't be on their radar. He glanced briefly at his hammer. "I will step aside and let the lot of you deal with matters then...But I want to keep my hammer. I feel...safer with it in hand. I fear Shockwave's attack has left me feeling somewhat...vulnerable."

His newly appointed Second seemed to falter there. His face softened a little and Ultra Magnus could practically hear him reasoning in his head that the stress was simply making the old mech lash out and act up. Not an entirely wrong assessment of the surface, but it all went so much deeper. But the poor lad would be none the wiser. "I...guess that makes sense. I don't know how Alpha Trion will feel about that but I'll check with him and get back with you."

"Lovely. As I told your little...friend...I'll be heading out to Trypticon here shortly for a bit of personal business. Since the matter will now be in his hands, I will let Alpha Trion decide what to do about Blitzwing."

"Thank you, sir." Optimus gave him a crisp salute. Bumblebee's was less respectful as the minibot glared at him.

Ultra Magnus smiled. "No, Optimus, thank you."

#transformers #transformers animated #fanfic #AU #optimus prime #megatron #ultra magnus #sentinel prime #jazz #prowl #blitzwing #bumblebee #pharma #ratchet #blackarachnia

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pedroscurls · 7 years

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Title: Reassure Me

Anonymous requested: Could you do some denny fluff, where he is getting back home ? // How about denny being a little self concious about his scar and the reader helping him?

Character(s): Denny Duquette and Reader Summary: After being released from the hospital since his heart transplant, Denny feels a bit self-conscious with his new scar. Word Count: 1,605 Warning: None. Author’s Note: YAY! Another Denny request! I decided to join these two together since they can be paired with one another easily! Thank you to both anons who requested this! We can never have too much Denny, I think ;-). Enjoy! <3

Denny was more than ready to get home. The heart transplant had been successful and after staying in the hospital for another few months, he was yearning to be in the comfort of his own house. However, you made sure that everything with his health and the heart transplant was approved by many doctors in Seattle Grace Hospital. You could never be too sure and you always wanted to be careful.

“I’m ready, baby,” Denny said, hooking an arm around your waist.

It felt great again to be able to just lean against him and have him tower over you. It brought back many memories from before he was diagnosed with his condition. Now, you and Denny were engaged and you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life with him now that he had a clean slate for his new health.

“I know you are. You’ve been ready for the past few months,” you teased.

“What can I say? I’m ready to go home and familiarize myself with you and our bed,” he winked.

“Not so fast, tiger. No strenuous activity yet. Doctors orders,” you smiled.

“That’s all right. You can be on top.” Denny smirked, dropping his hand to grasp your backside.

You squeaked and gently poked his side, causing him to jerk away from you. “You’re dirty.”

“Clean me up then,” he winked.

“You never quit, do you?”

“I’m a virile man who has been deprived of sex. I plan on doing a lot of making up,” Denny confirmed. “I’ve got a new heart, so I’m going to utilize it to the best of my ability.”

“And sex is one of them?”

“It’s at the top of my list,” he chuckled, leaning down to peck your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Denny.”

“Thanks for sticking by my side the past five years…” he whispered, cupping your cheek. “I don’t think I would have waited that long if not for you.”

“Yes, you would have…”

He shrugged. “You gave me more meaning to my life, and now, we’re getting married.”

“Yes, we are,” you grinned. “And I can’t wait to become Mrs. Duquette.”

“It sounds perfect,” Denny smiled.

“Like it was meant to be,” you added.

Denny looked into your eyes as he maintained his own smile. “It was,” he confirmed.

“Well, let’s continue this moment back home. We can get something to eat on the way too,” you suggested.

“Let’s get some groceries. We’re going to be home now and I miss your homemade meals.”

“Mm, and I miss your cooking too,” you added.

“It’s a good thing we both know how to cook. Our kids are going to be lucky,” Denny grinned.

��Kids, huh?”

“Oh, I want plenty with you.”

“You just want to do the deed as many times as possible,” you laughed.

“Is that so wrong?” Denny chuckled, kissing your forehead. “Let’s go home, baby.”

You and Denny had been home for three months now. Still, Denny had monthly visits to the hospital to make sure that the new heart he received was working and there were no problems whatsoever. Once he was cleared to start exercising, he had taken you home and ravaged you like some sort of beast who had been deprived of food. Needless to say, it was the best sex you ever had.

Since then, you and Denny had sex at least twice a day. He made sure to go to bed after having sex because he loved the way your body felt against his. But for today’s hospital visit, you could tell that his demeanor had changed.

He was quiet, even while the two of you were waiting for Dr. Burke to call you into a room. You knew that his stitches healed, but Dr. Burke wanted to make sure that it was healing correctly. Denny didn’t say much, but you knew that the visible scar had made him self-conscious about himself.

“Denny, it’s so good to see you,” Dr. Burke grinned.

Denny stood, taking your hand and leading you to the room where Dr. Burke led you both to. “Nice to see you too, Dr. Burke.”

“You’re looking good, man. When’s the wedding?” he asked with a grin.

Denny looked over at you and smiled, shutting the door behind him. “In November. We’ve got a Fall wedding.”

“It’s going to be great,” you added.

“I’m glad that you both have the details finalized. I’m still waiting for my invitation,” Dr. Burke teased.

You smiled and replied, “Invitations will be going out in the next month actually, and I can assure you that your name is on the list.”

“Great. I’m sure it’ll be a wonderful ceremony.”

Denny nodded, “Can’t wait to marry this girl.”

“Oh, I know. You’ve only talked about her every time I came into your room to check your vitals,” Dr. Burke laughed.

“Well, I love her. Gotta let everyone know,” he winked in your direction.

You sat down at the chair near the wall while Denny hoisted himself up onto the examining table. He removed his shirt per Dr. Burke’s request and looked away from you with a subtle ashamed look on his face.

“Scarring is healing up nicely,” Dr. Burke commented. “Unfortunately, it’s going to be a permanent scar, but it’s a constant reminder that you fought and fought and in the end, your persistence won. You’re alive because of it.”

Denny nodded, pulling his shirt back on. “Yeah. It reminds me every day all right.”

The rest of the check-up went smoothly. Dr. Burke listened to Denny’s heartbeat and asked him to take deep breaths as well as to walk to and from the room and down the hallway.

Once Dr. Burke released him with another successful visit, you took Denny’s hand and led him out of the hospital. He was quiet, but he didn’t distance himself. Though, you knew him too well to know that something was wrong.

The ride back home was filled with an uncomfortable silence. There was an ‘elephant’ in the room that needed to be addressed, but neither of you wanted to say anything. Instead, you went straight to the kitchen and began preparing for dinner. Denny went straight to his office and shut the door quietly, keeping himself isolated in the room alone.

Preparing and cooking dinner took longer than you expected, but Denny hadn’t emerged from his office since arriving home. You had set up the table for the both of you and decided to talk to him. You didn’t want the tension while eating dinner anyway.

With a quiet knock, you heard him mumble a quiet ‘come in’. Walking inside, you noticed him dropping the lower half of his shirt to cover his body. You knew he was staring at his scar.

“You okay?” you asked quietly, walking towards him.

“I’m fine. Is dinner ready?” Denny walked past you, but you sighed and grabbed his wrist, turning him around.

“Talk to me…”

“Nothing to talk about, baby. I’m all right,” he shrugged.

“Is it your scar? Is that why you’re acting like this?” you blurted out.

“What? No.”

“Denny…”

“I just—That scar will always be there. I won’t be able to wear v-necks or tank-tops or walk around the beach without a shirt because people will stare,” he mumbled.

“So? You’re alive because of that new heart, Denny… Scar or no scar, I still love you. You’re still handsome to me.”

“You’re just saying that because you have to.”

“I’m saying it because it’s the truth. Do you know how many women turn their heads when you walk by?” You asked, dropping your hand to lace with his fingers. “Sure, people will stare, but that scar is proof that you beat your condition, Denny. You’re here with me because of it.”

“It’s not appealing whatsoever,” he mumbled.

“We all have flaws. We all have scars. Yours? It’s proof that you’re alive because of it. You have spent five years in and out of the hospital, baby… That scar is nothing to what you have been through,” you replied reassuringly, standing on your toes to peck his lips.

“I guess I’m just a bit self-conscious about it that’s all…”

“That’s totally fine though… Just don’t shut me out,” you sighed. “How can I help you and reassure you when I don’t know what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. I love you all the same. I may even love you more now because we have the best sex every night,” you smiled, blushing.

“Best sex, huh?” he grinned.

“Oh yes. The way you go fast then switch it up by dragging it out with your long, deep strokes?” You bit your lower lip, absently squeezing your legs. “I love it.”

“Mm, okay. Let’s eat before I take you over my desk,” he winked.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Bend me over and take me from behind, Denny,” you whispered seductively.

He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you flush to his chest. “Minx.”

“You love it,” you smiled.

“That I do, and I love you too.”

“Good because I love you just as much, Denny.”

He smiled and pecked your lips. “Thank you for making me feel better.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” you nodded.

“I thought you were here to suck my—”

You shook your head and covered his mouth, looking into his eyes lovingly. “Hush. Let’s go eat so we can head on up to our bedroom for a night of fun.”

Denny chuckled, gently nibbling at your palm. “I love you, honey.”

“I love you too, Denny.”

Forever Taglist (let me know if you want to be removed!): @a-girl-interupted || @alyisdead || @ashzombie13 || @ask-kakashihatake || @asshatry || @chunex || @constellationsolo || @disfigured-it-out || @dixonsbait || @fiftypercentmoreintoyou || @fyeahashley88 || @harleysandbats || @hawtdiggitynegan || @heartfulloffandoms || @holyjeffreydeanmorgan || @hotfornegan || @i-am-negan-trash || @ibelongtonegan || @ididntasktogetmadedidi || @isayweallgetdrunk || @jane00doe || @jasoncrouse || @jeffreydeanneganstrash || @jenniegs || @k4veggies || @labyrinthofheartagrams || @ladyynegan || @laymetorest77 || @ledger-kaos || @magikat409 || @may85 || @meanandshallow || @multireality || @myheart4ever47 || @naughtyneganjdm || @negan--is--god || @oceanicseries || @purplemuse89 || @ridingmoxley || @sable-the-trans-ham || @scentofpineandhazelnutlattes || @see-you-then-winchester || @spn-cw123 || @sweetsweetpeach || @waddiwasi44 || @warriorqueen1991 || @zombeeemomeee

#jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #jdm fanfiction #denny duquette #denny x reader #denny duquette fanfic #denny duquette fanfiction #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #greys anatomy fanfiction #one shot #oneshot #requests #story: reassure me

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thecrookedgavel · 4 years

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The Black Box Readings - Ep 3 Transcript

Here’s the transcript for episode 3 of The Black Box Readings, the podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down.

See Other Episodes

An: Hey, all! And welcome back to The Black Box Readings, the podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down! I’m your host, An Capuano. So episode one released and I was very happy with how people responded to it. I got a lot of messages saying how raw the experience was, or how happy they were to have the chance to listen to a queer experience. Usually it was from queer people, but sometimes it wasn’t!

Though responses were positive for the most part, the podcast did get some negative attention too. Ignoring all the stuff that wasn’t constructive, there were two main criticisms of the show. The first was actually surrounding its premise. People were concerned that it was unethical to put something that was deleted back onto the internet. Even if it wasn’t deleted, isn’t it essentially stealing to use it in a podcast like this? Ok, so I understand the concerns and I guess I wasn’t clear enough to begin with. I received permission from the original author of the material to use it any way I’d like. Probably something I should have said originally, and I’m sorry that I didn’t. As for whether or not I’m just copying someone else’s work, I believe that The Black Box Readings count as a transformative work, and therefore it’s protected under fair use. There’s more than enough “Me” in this podcast that it’s really become something more than just the original “text”.

The other problem some people had with the podcast was that Emmy didn’t seem like a trans girl at all to them, and they felt like I was grasping at straws in my explanations pointing out trans aspects. Well, I do understand that there isn’t anything that outright says Emmy is trans within her posts in the first two episodes. But what you have to remember is that I actually knew her, and even though it’s sort of a spoiler for this episode, she did come out as trans on her blog. Look, I’m trying to present the posts I chose in chronological order to make a coherent narrative. Even so, it felt too weird to hide Emmy’s identity until this episode, when that’s largely the reason I’m doing this podcast in the first place.

So with all that aside, I’d like to get into the episode proper! Today’s episode is largely a feel-good one. It’s got a lot of positive energy, and focuses on the budding relationship between Emmy and EmeraldSkies. In case you don’t remember, the two of them met playing Overwatch and became fast friends. At this point, Emmy has been posting about their interactions on her blog, and it’s official now that Emmy has a crush. *laughs* it was really cute to watch her navigate through her feelings, but I didn’t want this episode to be… you know, two hours long, so I’ve come up with a few posts that best illustrate an already-established connection. To start us off, here’s one entitled:

“I Told Her

I know I talk about her a lot, but -”

Oh, *Laugh* I guess it happened again. She used EmeraldSkies real name, and I’m really not comfortable saying it in the podcast for privacy reasons. Let’s see, given that EmeraldSkies is Latina, let’s go with Selena, like our favorite wizard from Waverly Place. *laughs*

“I know I talk about her a lot, but Selena is just so cool! I’m sorry if it’s getting annoying to anyone, but I’m not going to hide how I feel either. This is my Tumblr, after all, I can post what I want. Anyway, today I finally told her I was deaf, and that’s the reason we don’t do voice chat. She understood completely, and told me that voice chat wasn’t something she liked doing in the first place. Ahhh, She’s so cool! I’m lucky to have her in my life! I was so scared that she’d see me as weird or broken or something, that’s the usual reaction I get anyhow. But not with her! I’m so happy right now!

Selena has been continuing to share her poetry with me, it’s really good! I feel so at home reading it. It’s such a personal look into her soul, I’m glad she doesn’t feel too vulnerable letting me read it. It’s especially helpful that it’s a medium I can fully understand. Honestly, I sometimes feel a little lost when watching tv, even with captions on. It’s sort of an incomplete experience, you know?”

I find the sort of “sorry, not sorry” attitude Emmy has here to be a big step up from previous ones. She exudes a bit of confidence here, not caring if people unfollow her because she’s talking about a crush. It’s nice to see Selena bring that out in Emmy. It’s also really heartwarming that Emmy didn’t receive the usual reaction she says she gets when telling people about her disability. Selena seems like a very accepting and kind person, and I think Emmy deserves that in her life. Also, I want to point out that Selena is averse to using voice chat. There’s a reason for that, and you’ll probably be able to guess it by the end of the episode.

Also, Selena is an amateur poet! I feel I should point that out, because it’s immediately relevant in our next post, which is Emmy talking about a poem that Selena wrote especially for her.

We don’t get the poem itself, just Emmy’s interpretation of it, which does give us a fair bit of insight on to what the poem might have been like.

The post is called: “She wrote a poem for me??

I’m so excited you guys, you have no idea! Selena wrote me a poem! And I’m swept off my feet by it. She says it was nothing, but I don’t think so! She called it “Flowers Down by the Lake” and it’s beautiful! Like, I don’t want to read into it too hard, but I think this means she likes me back?? And not just because it’s a poem that she wrote for me, but because of what’s IN the poem, guys!

It’s about two flowers that are more beautiful not in spite of how they’ve been damaged, but because of it. And how they’re both really different, but they’re even more beautiful because they’re side by side. So. Fucking. Romantic! I love this poem, it gives me so many feels.

Maybe there’s something to this whole ‘fate’ thing after all”

Before getting into the meat of this post, I’d like to touch on the last line. This is where Emmy first publicly posts about the idea of fate starting to appeal to her, though I imagine that she has been playing around with the idea of it for a while now. I’m not personally sure I believe in fate myself, so *sigh* I’m not entirely sure why this seems so important to me? So, I like to look at the universe as truly random, and because of that, two people finding each other amongst that randomness is the most beautiful thing imaginable. So whether it was just the randomness of the Overwatch matchmaking system, or fate itself that brought these two together, I think that’s something really special.

Anyways, I’ve never gotten the chance to actually read this poem, but it sounds pretty spectacular. The message that Emmy sees is one that we can all take to heart. All of you are beautiful in your own way, and it’s in part because of what you’ve been through. You’ve been shaped by your hardships in a way that makes you more of a person, and the people around you that are enriching to your lives help you to “bloom”, so to speak.

Although I am partial to getting all sappy with you folks, we do have an episode to get through, and so we’ll be moving on to our next post.

And what a post it will be! This is for sure the most important post in this episode, perhaps the most important one so far. I alluded to it in the beginning of the episode, and I’m really excited to finally share it with you all. I can’t hype it up enough, but I am certainly trying *laughs*. It’s called:

“I Have Something To Tell You

I don’t want to waste any time, so I’m just going to come out and say it: I’m a trans girl! If you don’t know what I mean, it’s kind of hard to explain, but I’ll try to.

“Trans” is short for transgender, which means that I don’t identify with my birth sex as my gender. So I was born a boy, but I feel like a girl on the inside. Gender is just different than sex. Period. It’s complicated, I know, since we use similar words to talk about them, but it’s true.

Growing up, I didn’t have a lot of interactions with kids my age, because I was homeschooled. A lot of interactions were through reading books. I found myself enthralled with stories about girls, but less interested in stories about boys. When I did read stories about boys, I’d latch onto female secondary characters and see the world through them. Some examples of female characters I saw myself as are: Clary from Mortal Instruments, Katniss from Hunger Games, and even Hermione from Harry Potter.

When it came to video games, I found myself picking female characters when given the choice. I even do it in Overwatch! I’m a Mercy main, after all.

I used to tell myself that it was because the books were just that good, or because the video game characters were cute, but I see now that was only half of the truth. It’s really because I saw myself in those characters, that’s the kind of soul I have, you know?

There are other, more private reasons surrounding my body I won’t get into here, as well.

I guess I realized what I was feeling because, well, Selena is a trans girl too! I guess I found out when we decided to swap pictures of what we both looked like. She prefaced her’s by saying that she might look a little boyish, and that’s because she’s trans! I was happy that she felt close enough to me that she could share that, since she’s more private about this sort of thing than I’m being. I’ve never met a trans girl before, especially not in real life, so that’s why it took me so long to figure out. Plus my Dad is very “traditional”, so I’ve been conditioned to hide who I am throughout the years. I doubt he’d embrace me as his daughter with open arms, so for now, it’s a secret I’m keeping from him. If he thinks I’m going to go to hell for it, then fuck him. I don’t care what he thinks about me anymore.

Thank you for reading to the end of this post! I hope I made sense.”

So there we have it, official word from Emmy that she is trans. Not only that, but Selena is trans too! There’s a lot to unpack here, so we should get started. She gives a good explanation of what being transgender means for her, even if it contains a few pieces of old language, like being “born a boy.” It’s generally best not to say that about someone else, fair warning. It’s good that she had that sort of “aha” moment when Selena explained what transgender means.

For me, my Aha moment was in the form of a rather… outdated term, I think it was “Male identified lesbian.” *laughs* Ohh, well… I guess I had some suspicions about myself, and so I did some googling. And I found this term that sounded so much like me. It had a bunch of bullet points like, attracted to lesbians, identifies with women over men, stuff like that. It was actually kind of problematic, looking back because it was really steeped in men sexualizing lesbians, but it was a stepping stone for me when I was 20ish. I don’t think that website is still there all these years later

Definitely something that I did when I was younger that affirms my trans identity looking back was wearing dresses. Not an Aha moment in the slightest, though. Well not for me, but probably for my friends *laughs* When I was 14, my friends put together a murder mystery party. It was a pre-written story, and there were roles to assign to everyone. And I got assigned the mother of the victim. My friends just thought of me and said, you know what would really suit An? Playing a woman. Heh, And I rocked it, too. It helped that one of my friends brought a dress for me to borrow during the party. Though I wore it so well and was obviously so confident wearing it, that she let me keep it. I’d use that same dress to play a woman again in a play, but maybe that’s a story for another time.

Back on track, Emmy talks about playing video games as female characters being a big indicator looking back, and I really feel that one. I remember specifically choosing Talim and Tira from Soul Calibur all the time and being like, it’s obviously because they’re fast characters, and that’s just my playstyle. But naw, it largely had to do with me seeing myself a certain way. Like, I remember specifically one time I looked at my stats in Left 4 Dead, a game I played all together too much of, and noticed that I picked Zoe to play as like, 80% of the time? Like there’s 4 characters to choose from, all the same stat-wise, and I picked the girl more often than not. It sort of shook me to my core when I realized this, but I didn’t know what it really meant until a few years later.

Also, to preemptively answer any concerns about Emmy realizing she’s trans because of someone else, don’t worry. I don’t think she’s like, copying Selena’s identity to fit in or something like that. The thing is… seeing a trans person as just that - a person - can be a trigger to figuring out who you really are. Like, this was the case for my ex who I was dating at the time I was finally able to call myself a woman. No name change, no pronoun change, or anything like that, but I had admitted it out loud by then. It sort of had a reaction in him to call himself gender fluid, and I think that was really important for him. In this case, it was a stepping stone to realizing that he was a trans man, but that’s still valid, right? It’s ok to change your identity as you learn more about yourself. Labels can change over time. For Emmy, Selena was probably the first instance of positive representation that she ever saw. Anyways, even though my relationship kind of exploded, I talked with him at a later date, and we expressed how important being instantly supportive was to each other. We lost contact since, but I honestly hope he’s doing alright out there.

That’s probably enough about me, sorry. *laughs* This post just sort of pulls it all out of me, you know?

Either way, we should probably get back to the posts at hand so we can end this episode in a reasonable timeframe. So I messaged Emmy to congratulate her, and I know she probably saw it, because she references something very similar to what I wrote to her in her next post. I don’t remember what exactly what I sent, just that at the time, I recognized what I sent in her wording. Also in the post, there’s another section that reminds me of the frequently asked questions about being disabled. Though this time around… well we’ll talk about it after I read it to you.

“Thank you and Fuck you!

Sorry not sorry about the title, but don’t worry, you know which one you are if you recently sent me a DM. First of all, thank you for all the kind and supportive words you all had to say! Coming out is really hard, but you made it worth it! I feel so loved and valid, it’s been great to have you all in my inbox!

However, there were other people in my inbox that I appreciated a lot less. Lots of transphobic assholes messaging me about needing mental help and how I’m going to hell now. Dicks asking me if I want to chop off my dick now, and of course, fucktards telling me to kill myself. Many of you said you’re unfollowing my blog too. So, all I have to say is fuck you!!! That’s all.”

I feel like we should talk about the second part of the post. I honestly believe she has a right to be angry here, and lashing out is perfectly natural. So I’m not saying she’s not allowed to tell transphobes off. But if you notice the last time she got a lot of upsetting messages in her inbox, she handled it with grace. There was a “fuck you” for sure, but it was implied, rather than… you know, in the title? And I think I know why there’s such a difference in tone here.

When you come out like this, you’re telling your truth for the first time. Everything feels a lot more raw and vulnerable for you. She’s probably used to the dumb questions about being deaf, so she’s developed a way to politely answer the grosser questions. But here, it’s been like, a few days? She’s going to feel like she needs to go on the attack here.

Coming out as trans for me was really hard too, and I didn’t even do it on an online platform. I’m even hesitant to talk about it now, because of how deeply personal it is. But I think it’s important to give you context to why Emmy would want to say “fuck you” to so many people.

So the first person I ever came out to was a friend of mine from high school. She was… not a great person. She was a complete narcissist, she lied to me constantly and ended up using me for sex. That and she was deeply transphobic. Honestly, I could talk about that whole situation forever, so I won’t get started. What’s important is that when I told her I felt like a girl on the inside, she told me that was weird. And that really hurt my personal growth. It put me back into the closet for a few years. I didn’t tell anyone again for a while. The screwed up thing is that she was queer herself, and she was dating someone who would later come out as a trans guy. She didn’t support him either. I remember her telling me that it was stupid that he changed his name, and being impressionable at the young age of 22, I believed her. Even after I came out to my family, I didn’t change my name for a good while after that.

Oh, speaking of my family, coming out to them went very, very poorly. *sigh* I was having dinner with them, and I had decided earlier that day that today was the day. I finally brought up enough courage to finally say that I was a girl… and they all laughed at me. That was about 5 years ago, and the laughter is still something I never got over. After I clarified I wasn’t joking, they took it really badly. I was told later that I had almost given my dad a heart attack when I clarified that I was not only a woman, but a lesbian too. There was a lot of yelling at the table. They still have some trouble with my name and pronouns these days, but they honestly try really hard, and I really appreciate that about them. But the initial experience? It was extremely traumatizing.

Coming out is something that you never actually get to stop doing, and I could tell more horror stories, but I think I have given you enough of an idea of why Emmy felt so many raw emotions when writing that post.

Next up is another special post that continues the trend of being a big turning point in Emmy’s life. It’s in the form of an announcement, and I feel like I should mention that the overall time lapse in this episode is rather large. Obviously she has been posting a lot about Selena and they’ve been spending a lot of time getting to know each other. In the interest of brevity, I’m only touching on the major points. That may make it seem like things were rushed, but please note that they weren’t. She starts things off with:

“I have another announcement to make!

Many of you have been DMing me asking about me and EmeraldSkies, and saying how we should be together. Well I have good news for you! We’re official! We’re in lesbians together, lol. We’ve known each other for months now, although it feels like I’ve had a thing for her forever. Anyway, she asked me if I wanted to try and make it work long distance, and I did! So I said yes! I’ve never been happier! Also, I convinced her that her poetry is totally amazing and she needed to share it with the world. Don’t just take my word for it, check out her new Tumblr!”

And there was probably a link to Selena’s Tumblr if you clicked on the last sentence. Now, I never personally messaged Emmy about this, but I did ship them very hard since the point where Selena wrote her first poem for Emmy. It felt so wholesome to see this announcement, and not just because my ship was confirmed. Emmy said right there that she had never been happier. She was finally feeling fulfilled for the first time in her life, and I think that had a lot to do with coming out, which had a lot to do with Selena in the first place. So seeing them together was such a treat.

Alright! Last post of the episode. Here we have something a little different than what we’re used to. It’s not a post that Emmy has written, but a post that she reblogged. Since she put it on her blog, it counts for our purposes, especially since it’s about her in the first place. It’s a poem about Emmy written by Selena. And it’s titled:

“Free From Tyranny

Although you still feel trapped, you are now free,

It may seem like you are damned by the followers of God,

Stuck under the rule of a not-so-heavenly father,

But it is all an illusion, completely superficial.

For you see, you have been freed,

Freed from fear, denial, and self-loathing,

These are the metals that form the bars of the true prison,

The prison of the mind, the prison of the self.

You have bent these bars, they are nothing to you now,

So even if you still feel the tyranny from the outside world,

Know that you are finally free from the tyranny of yourself

And you are so beautiful for it. “

It’s quite a lovely little poem, and I do love the themes and the message. It’s just that, *sigh* I don’t know if I can agree with it fully? Yes, for sure, that being free to be your true self to yourself is magical. It’s something that was a huge turning point for my own personal growth. But whether or not that makes you truly free? I can’t say for sure. A terrible environment can really hurt a person’s sense of self. I worry that after a while of it, even folks with the brightness of convictions might willingly go back into their own prisons, so to speak. I do really enjoy how it’s written though, and my view of Selena as a poet isn’t hurt by my worries here.

Anyways, Emmy posts a little reply in her reblog that I find pretty funny,

“I love this poem, but I wonder who it’s about”

As if you don’t know Emmy, stop being silly *Laughs*

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Box Readings! Thanks again for all for your feedback, supportive or constructive, it honestly all really helps! I went really deep with the anecdotes today, I hope it wasn’t too much. Follow me on Twitter at TheCrookedGavel to stay up to date on this and other queer podcasts. Feel free to contact me there as well. This is An Capuano, signing off!

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ourcomicsourselves · 7 years

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Three Genderqueer(ish) Manga I Would Like to Revisit:

Your and My Secret (Original title: Boku to Kanojo no Peke Mittsu or My and Her Three X's)

Hana-Kimi (Hanazakari no Kimitachi e or For You in Full Blossom)

Ouran High School Host Club

I was obsessed with all three of these series in middle/high-school (2004-2009). With Hana-Kimi and Ouran I would get every volume as they came out. I eventually had all 23 volumes of Hana-Kimi, but with Ouran the release schedule became too sporadic/I became too busy with college. With Your and My Secret the first volume came out through ADV in 2004. I’ve attached pictures of my original copy so folks could see how bent up it is from constant re-readings. My copies of 2 and 3 are pristine by comparison because it took another 4 years for Tokyopop to pick it up and distribute the next couple of volumes. Tokyopop famously went under, and it took a third publisher, JManga to complete the English run. It’s so odd trying to parse series like these when you’re an adolescent. There is a part of you that is cheering for the narrative to end up as queer as possible, and another part of you trying to dissect the social norms as potential tools for your real life survival.

In Your and My Secret a schoolboy and schoolgirl switch bodies through the experiment of a mad scientist parent. They end up feeling more comfortable in their new bodies. The boy in the girl’s body has a harder time adjusting because he had a crush on the girl before they switch, the girl in the boy’s body loves it right away and does not want to switch back. This is the volume I read over and over, the concept that you could just instantly feel better in a different body was so fascinating to me as a 7th grade freakshow. I wish anyone in my life at the time could have realized how much I needed to be told that changing your body is possible in real life. Both of the main characters eventually end up falling in love with their best friends from before they switched. This is around when I ran out of volumes to read. I’ve since looked up the end and spoilers: the mad scientist accidentally switches them back to their original bodies after they had decided to stay the way they are. They do get to switch back, but it seems to be at the expense of some gay panic, as in the only way they can be with the people they love is if they stay het.

It’s disappointing these gender-bending manga tend to center heterosexual relationships. Though there are clear homosexual/bisexual characters in both Hana-Kimi and Ouran, they are ancillary at best. In Hana-Kimi one of the main characters’ best friends falls in love with her even though he thinks she’s a boy. The best friend ends up spending most of the manga trying to come to terms with his homosexuality, and I seem to remember him feeling relieved to be “not gay” when it’s finally revealed to him that his crush is a girl. In Ouran the main character is instantly shown to be gender-neutral/gender-blind, but they are constantly pressured into femininity/heterosexuality. It’s especially gross coming from the men who have financial control over them, as they are one of the only poor students in a rich academy. I encourage folks to read this excellent post about some of the disgusting ways gender conformity plays out in the Ouran anime. I know the anime ended before the manga did, and I would like to revisit this series and figure out how everything canonically plays out.

Ultimately the gender-bending genre of manga is really complicated (and when it gets into fetish territory it gets even more problematic). I appreciate having them as escapes during my teen years, but I’ve yet to find one I can truly celebrate for its unabashed queerness. Perhaps the closest is Utena, but that has its own issues of course (it also has four different versions, I’m interested in parsing that in different piece of writing sometime). More recently we’ve gotten Princess Jellyfish and Wandering Son. I’ve only seen the anime version of Princess Jellyfish, and I found it to be too trans-exclusionary/off-putting. Wandering Son I liked, but I found the portrayal of the adult trans woman character to be predatory. I was extra disappointed of the mishandling of that character given the otherwise decent ending. There’s also a recent manhwa called My Boyfriend is a Vampire that I read the entirety of last year, and was extremely annoyed by the whole time. I have not given up, the year 24 group generation had some really excellent series that explored gender non-conformity, so certainly we could get there again. I pray for a higher caliber of queer stories, and I hope it comes from queer creators as well.

(I only read this weird Korean vampire comic ‘cause I thought the main character looked exactly like me lol)

Ø.K. Fox is a digital printmaker and little weirdo in Queens. They are currently co-editing @comics-for-choice, an anthology dedicated to abortion rights, raising money for the National Network of Abortion Funds. Support the project here.

#your and my secret #hana-kimi #ouran high school host club #ouran #manga #gender-bender #anime #queer anime #genderqueer #my boyfriend is vampire #wandering son #Princess Jellyfish #shoujo #queer #lgbt #manhwa #queer comics

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hawkingbishop · 7 years

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It took me over two hours and constantly drifting off while writing and having to reread the same section a hundred times before I understood it, but I finally copied over the snippet of my TULOMB rewrite into a Word document! Five and a half pages, single spaced.

PS. I’m changing a lot in this draft. For one, you see she’s Persephone now instead of Rebecca. It just didn’t seem right to have the same name. So, she’s Persephone Alexandra Rhodes. She’s a light skinned black girl. She has a darker skinned younger brother.

Marilynn is essentially the same as before, though she’s now a trans girl.

________________________

Persephone found herself staring at Marilynn as she went up to grab their coffee order. She was wearing her curly ginger hair down, with a light blue cardigan covering a pink-blue-and-white striped shirt, a flowy light blue skirt with a white belt, pink tights, and black combat boots.

Persephone was wearing a simple outfit of a jean jacket covered in band pins/patches, over a red flannel, black leggings, and an identical pair of black combat boots.

She had a smile on as she watched her best friend-slash-crush. Persephone’s bright red lips nearly took up her entire tawny face. She brushed her wavy, russet hair out of her eyes. Her smile soon turned to a small frown, as she knew she could never act on her feelings, or else she might lose her friendship. Plus, it’s not like anything would happen anyway, since Marilynn’s straight…

As Persephone was in her little reverie, Marilynn picked up the order of Lattes and turned toward their table. She saw Persephone’s gloomy face, and her own mouth twitched into a half frown.

“Hey chica, what’cha thinkin’ about?” Marilynn asked while sitting down across from Persephone.

That brought Persephone back to Earth. She slid her drink to herself and said, “…stuff.” And then she drank a long pull while looking away.

“Stuff? Ooh, I like stuff!” exclaimed Marilynn. She then took a sip of her drink while waiting for Persephone to respond. Persephone was trying to think of something clever to say, but instead, answered with “oh, normal stuff that normal people think of, you know…”

“Ooh, I see. But, since when have you been normal?” Marilynn joked, holding back giggles.

Persephone laughed at that, then answered “oh, I’m so not. I’m just trying to see if I could pretend to be for a moment. Y’know, thinking about boys, and how I need to lose weight and look good for them.”

Marilynn chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah, totally normal stuff. How was it?” She took another sip of her drink.

Persephone toyed with her cup, sliding it back and forth between her hands. She smirked and then forced herself to frown, making a big exaggerated show of it. She said, “it was awful. I couldn’t do it for more than a second before I realized that ‘yep, I’m totally gay through and through, no doubts about it!’”

Marilynn was in the process of drinking when she laughed uncontrollably, spitting her drink all over her cup and table.

Persephone laughed harder at that and then got up to get napkins. She returned to the table to see Marilynn trying to wipe her mouth clean with just her dry hand. She gladly took some napkins and began cleaning herself off.

Persephone helped, wiping down the table. As she crumpled the napkins and pushed them to the edge of their table, Persephone asked, “so, you excited for your very first college course? You look great, by the way. You’re gonna turn so many heads today!” She winked.

Marilynn looked down at the table and a small smile crossed her lips. She responded, “thanks. I went through, like, 3 outfits before I settled on this one.” She held up a piece of the cardigan. After she released it and flattened it back down, she said, “and yeah. I actually am excited!”

She then reached into her bag and brought out a Mead Notebook. “I have all these new school supplies and I want to use them. My first class is Creative Writing, and I can’t wait to get going… I wanna work on my stories and poems and write new ones.”

Her smile was so big; it took over her whole fair-skinned face. Her hazel eyes were bright and crinkled at the outer edges. Persephone loved how excited and enthusiastic she was when she talked about her writing. It was infectious. Persephone returned the great smile, her own light brown eyes bright and crinkled to match Marilynn’s.

“Good,” she said, “your writing is amazing as it is, but I bet this class will help you write tons more stuff.” She was sitting on edge of her chair, hands on the table, palms down, fingers spread out. Then she pointed to Marilynn with her right hand. “Your professor is gonna love your work… and you.”

Persephone didn’t think it possible, but Marilynn’s smile got even bigger. Marilynn said softly, “thanks, Seph, that really means a lot.” She reached over and touched Persephone’s left hand. She kept it there for a minute before she brought it back to her cup.

During the hand-touching, Persephone’s smile faded into a smaller, sad one, eventually threatening to turn into a frown. It was hard for her—the contact, the closeness. She knew it was a friendly touch, but she wished it was much more than that. She wished Marilynn had felt like her. But, it’s a lost cause; Marilynn’s not into girls.

Plus, she reminded herself, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by bringing up my feelings.

Even if Marilynn felt the same way, Persephone was afraid of the relationship not working out, it might ruin their friendship. They had been best friends practically their whole lives.

Their parents were friends, so they always played together when their parents hung out. They were inseparable. They took baths together, played Barbies and action figures, played Legos. They loved each other.

When they started getting older, around 9 or 10, that’s when things changed… Not so much they’re friendship, but their lives; especially Marilynn’s. That’s when she came out to her parents as trans. She always felt like she was a girl, and was now anxious/afraid of puberty. She DIDN’T want to go through male puberty.

And luckily her parents listened to her and wanted her to be happy. It definitely wasn’t easy for them to take at first, but they tried to not let it show. They were always supportive, and after much thought and talking with Marilynn and therapists, they realized they had to let her transition. She had always been kind of feminine, playing with Barbies and dolls, always playing as a girl…

So, much to Marilynn’s delight and relief, she was able to start puberty blockers and living as her true self, a trans girl named Marilynn.

And all along this time, Persephone was right beside Marilynn. She knew her friend was a girl. She was super supportive and always there for her. If anything, Marilynn’s transition strengthened their friendship. Now Marilynn could be included in all the “girl” things with Persephone. Like playing on the girls’ side in “Boys vs. Girls” games at school, shopping for clothes, doing each others’ hair, having slumber parties with other girls. And everyone in their families was really supportive through the entire process.

Also around this time, Persephone decided to come out, as well. Not as trans, but as gay. Persephone always imagined herself with a wife, never a husband. She had crushes on her favorite actresses and musicians. She knew she was a lesbian, and just like Marilynn’s parents, hers went out of the way to educate themselves and be supportive.

The girls went to a Youth LGBTQ Support Group twice a month and were active in their school’s GSA and other LGBTQ activities. They both grew up being completely out and proud. Sure, they had their bullies and disapproving teachers, or other adults in their lives that disapproved, but the girls and their parents confronted each disrespect and tried to quell it.

Growing up together, going to the same classes, working closely side-by-side in the GSA, Persephone eventually realized she had developed feelings for Marilynn as more than just best friends. She wanted to be girlfriends, and not in the way most straight girls use that term.

Persephone wanted to hold Marilynn’s hand, she wanted to hug her and smell her hair; she wanted to grow old with her. But Marilynn had never spoken up about her own sexuality in regards to girls. She talked about boys and Persephone listened and gave her some advice. Persephone talked about crushing on girls and Marilynn would give her advice, but never let on that she was into girls, herself. She was barely into boys, Persephone noticed. Sometimes she thought her talks on boys were forced heteronormativity. But she never brought up her desires, hopes, or thoughts. She waited for Marilynn to come to her. But she never did…

So, Persephone threw herself more into the friendship. And if that’s all they could ever be, that was okay with her. For the most part. Though when times like these happened, i.e. the hand-touching, it was difficult to remember that she’s fine with just being friends. But, as quickly as her frown appeared, it was replaced with a smile again.

“So, what about you? Are you ready for college?” Marilynn asked.

Persephone answered, “Yeah, I guess. I just hope I like my classes. Hopefully they’re not all boring. Remember Ms. Philipps’ AP Calculus class? Sooo boring. I’m glad I like math and read the book ahead of time, or else I would’ve failed for always falling asleep in class.” She chuckled. Marilynn joined her.

“Oh man, totally. Such a snooze fest. And yeah, I’m glad you read ahead too, so you could tutor me.” Marilynn laughed again.

Persephone turned serious for a minute.

“You think there’s gonna be many out lesbians at college? I know college is supposed to be more open and free and it’s where girls supposedly experiment… But I don’t know what happens at a Community College, it’s probably completely different than on-campus life…” Persephone wondered aloud.

Marilynn shrugged. “I don’t know. We should check out the LGBTQ Club in person and see what’s what. I’m psyched to go and meet new peeps in the community.”

Persephone agreed, “Definitely. After our classes today we should head over and talk to the club, let ‘em know we’re here, we’re queer, and ready to get into gear.”

Marilynn smirked at that and said, “You’re so lame,” and then threw one of the napkins at Persephone.

She caught it and threw it back, saying, “that’s why you love me.”

“No,” Marilynn contested while smoothing out the napkin on the table, “I love you because no one else will.”

“Ouch,” Persephone exclaimed while holding her hand to her chest, “Go straight for the heart why don’t’cha?”

“So,” Marilynn started.

She began ripping up her napkin.

“So?…” Persephone asked after about 30 seconds of silence.

“So, I’m kinda scared to start school. To be in this new place where practically nobody knows me. Should I go stealth? Should I be out and proud? I know we’ll be a part of the LGBTQ Club, but everyone won’t know that. They won’t know me. Should I be upfront about it to people, or stay quiet?”

The napkin was now in about 30 different pieces and she was still ripping.

Persephone donned her frown again and said, “well you know I can’t answer that for you, but I will say—just be you and everybody will love you. So what if you’re trans? If they can’t deal, then they’re not worth your time. So, yeah, maybe just go stealth, but if anyone asks, or you want to tell them, do it. Otherwise just live your normal life.” She shrugged at Marilynn before taking another drink of her Caramel Brulée Latte.

Marilynn crumpled the napkin pieces back together and set the mound aside with the rest. “I guess that makes sense. If they know, they know. If they don’t, oh well.”

“Yeah. Just be you and all the suitors will be fawning over you,” Persephone suggested.

Marilynn gave Persephone a skeptical look, “suitors?” she asked, “Really? What are we, in the fifties or something?”

Persephone blew the napkins over to Marilynn and responded, ”Oh shut up, you.”

“Seph…” Marilynn tried to talk.

“Yeah, Mars?” Persephone asked.

“I’m just worried they’ll all judge me and hate me and think I’m an ‘abomination’.”

Persephone reached her hand out and grabbed Marilynn’s and held it with both hands. “Mars Bar,” she smirked. “you are an amazing woman. Smart kid, beautiful, giving, and did I mention beautiful? Everyone will love you, whether they know you’re trans or not.”

Marilynn put her other hand on top of Persephone’s. She couldn’t make eye contact as she spoke, “Thanks Seph. And ditto. You’re the best friend a girl can have.

Persephone winced internally, but replied, “Damn Skippy. I’m awesome. And, hey, so are you. Never forget that. No matter what anybody says. You. Are. Awesome.” She punctuated the last statement by lifting their hands up and then dropping them back to the table in between each word.

Marilynn’s glowing smile emerged again and she said, “Thanks Seph. Really. I love you…”

She stroked Persephone’s hand as she said that.

“And I love you, Mars. Forever and always,” Persephone responded while internally headdesking.

Marilynn looked into Persephone’s eyes, almost peering into her soul. ”Forever and Always.”

#tulomb #becks writes

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wanderingaunt · 5 years

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Open and Closed for Business

For someone who writes for a living, I sure do have a lot of resistance to it sometimes. And it’s not that I’m not writing. I always have some new script or entry going in my head. It’s that I fail to take those words and put them on paper or text.

Perhaps the resistance has to do with my own level of acceptance in what I want to communicate.

I’ve spent the past 2.5 months processing and shedding a lot of what no longer serves me. While this has been an ongoing process for years, the most recent months have especially produced a lot of reflection, tears, anger, grief, and ultimately joy.

In the beginning of August, I wrote one of the most vulnerable and heartfelt blogs I’ve ever written. It was an Open Letter about Faith, Religion, and Freedom. I finally came to terms with how I had been molding myself to fit others’ perception of me. I came clean about religion and faith and what the journey has been like for me. I was extremely nervous about hitting the publish button. I was nervous about what others would think and how they would react. Yet, even with my fear around that, I knew it was something I needed to write for me.

After I hit publish, I felt like hiding. My head was swarming with fears of rejection, ridicule, and judgment. To my surprise, I met the opposite of that. I was met with such admiration for taking a bold step in writing about this, acceptance from so many people, and validation that what I had to say was important. I was blown away by the responses I received. Message after message flooded my inbox with others stating how they felt the same way or had a similar experience.

I was so humbled by the outpouring of love and acknowledgment I received.

A few days after I published that blog, I set off on a 7-week journey to Spain, Portugal, and Morocco. The day I was leaving for Spain, I felt so apathetic and numb. I was so indifferent to leaving. Yes, of course, I was excited about visiting new countries and being out in the world again. But something inside of me felt numb. As the plane took off, tears began to fall down my face. I cried for nearly 2 hours. I was lucky to have a row to myself so I could be in peace.

I suddenly felt like a little girl again. Jumping up and down saying, “See me! Hear me! Love me!” I felt in so many ways that this post was an outcry of wanting to be seen and known. And the ones I wanted to see it, did nothing. There was no communication, no push back, nothing. And while on one hand, it was nice to not have conflict, another part of me was wanting that. I spent the entire flight processing through this and why it meant so much to me. Why did I care so much? I finally came to terms with it. I had written a clear and concise post and there was no need to say anything. The post spoke for itself.

When I arrived in Barcelona, I checked into a yoga retreat. I wanted to gift myself some time to decompress after a busy summer of nonstop travel and engagements, and give myself time to continue to reflect and process.

I instantly knew I had made the right choice.

I was surrounded by 10 other beautiful souls from all over the world in a safe and loving environment. The manager of the retreat was a lovely woman from Germany. She had the most beautiful energy. She offered bodywork specifically in the area of chakra clearing. I scheduled a massage with Ulla and was ready to relax and allow whatever was to come. After the massage, Ulla told me that my heart and sacral chakras were closed. “Tell me something I don’t already know,” I thought.

If you’re not familiar with your chakras, you have 7 areas of energy within your body. You can read more about each chakra in-depth here.

Your sacral chakra is your second chakra and has to do with creativity, the birthplace of new ideas, and sexual energy. When the chakra is closed, you are blocking your center for creativity and blocking your area to receive and enjoy pleasure. The color orange is often associated with your sacral chakra. Your heart chakra is the fourth chakra. It is associated with the color green and is your center for being open to giving and receiving love, kindness, and compassion. When your heart chakra is blocked, you are guarding yourself or putting up walls from allowing love to come in. And this can result in blocking love that you give to yourself.

Ulla told me that I don’t allow myself to feel. I suppress emotions and often pretend like everything is okay. I take an overly optimistic approach to life at times. While this may seem like a good thing, it’s actually creating tension within. When you block yourself from allowing emotions to surface, you are cutting off this energy and pushing it way down.

Eventually, that energy will have no choice but to reveal itself in often unpleasant or unexpected ways.

She encouraged me to be gentle with myself. Not try to force anything, but to allow emotions to come when they come. She told me not to be surprised if I suddenly feel sad or angry. Over the next month, this is exactly what happened. I would randomly burst into tears or find myself consumed with anger. Sometimes I would even wake from sleep with such anger. When I was traveling in Portugal with my friends, they revealed to me that at times I would yell out in my sleep. It was as if my subconscious was telling me that I had no choice but to release it.

I’ve hated anger and conflict my whole life. I remember hiding when my parents would argue or yell at each other. And I find myself triggered when I am surrounded by it. I learned from a young age to hide from it. And made a rule at some point that it wasn’t okay to feel anger. Or to express myself with tears. I basically blocked off any unpleasant feelings. And I blocked others from giving me love.

When anger arises or sadness ensues, allow it to come. Allow yourself to feel whatever is there.

Direct your anger away from others and in a safe environment. If you feel like screaming or yelling, get in your car and scream. Smash pumpkins or coconuts. Allow yourself to move through the emotions rather than avoid them. The same is with tears. There is nothing wrong with crying. It is one of the best releases and ways to let go of stored-up energy. When you have released whatever emotions come, take deep breaths and let it go. Don’t hang onto it any longer.

Take some time to journal and reflect on what came up for you and lovingly let it go.

I was beginning to feel lighter after allowing myself to feel and release all of these emotions. I was cutting cords from my past and setting myself free in many ways. I was beginning to feel and receive love and allow my creative ideas to flow. And I was noticing that even when hugging people, I was letting my guard down and learning to relax my body. My friends have often commented that I’m so tense when they hug me. This is part of me guarding myself. The more I appreciate and love who I am, the more I am able to let others in.

When I arrived in Portugal, I connected with two of my best travel buddies. We had plans to travel together for 2 weeks. I was feeling in a better space. I had given myself a lot of time to heal, and I had had a really productive work week the week before. I felt like I had a new wave of confidence. I was learning to speak up when conflict ensued and not hold back. I was walking in my power and allowing emotions to come and go. The more I spoke up and shared whatever I was going through, the more open I felt.

Sometimes you think you’ve moved through something only to hit another roadblock.

About a week into our travels, I realized that I hadn’t really had a regular bowel movement in several days. It’s normal when you’re traveling to a new place and eating different foods to experience this for a couple days. After it had gone on for a week, though, I thought it a bit strange. And at the same time, I wasn’t too concerned. I figured my body was getting used to eating a lot of olive oil and bread.

My friends and I ended our time together in Morocco after traveling for 2 weeks together. They went back to the states and I decided to stay. I wanted to explore this country and see what it had in store for me. I ended up having the best time in Morocco. I modeled in my 6th international photoshoot while there and made many beautiful connections. I felt like my heart and sacral chakras were opening and allowing me to step into creative flow again.

I returned to the states at the end of September. I had been dealing with an upset stomach off and on towards the end of my trip. And when I returned to the states, the discomfort continued. I had an opportunity to attend Hay House Live in Houston for a workshop with Dr. Joe Dispenza. If you’re not familiar with Dr. Joe, he is an international lecturer, author, and researcher. He studies neuroscience and how meditation effects the brain. And ultimately teaches how to rewire or reprogram your brain to break habits. The workshop was amazing. I learned so much about habits and how often we carry our past into the present and create our futures from the past.

At the end of the day, he lead us through a powerful guided meditation. During the meditation, I could feel intense pressure in my lower abdomen. I even felt pulsing sensations. I remember thinking that something seemed off. The following day I took a bus from Houston back to Dallas. While on the bus, I was continuing to feel pressure. And I even began to feel a bulge in my lower pelvic region. Something was not right.

Listen to your body. It will tell you when something is off.

The following day I made an appointment to have a physical. I rarely go to the doctor and trusted my instincts that something wasn’t right. The doctor said she definitely felt something there. She scheduled for me to have a trans vaginal ultrasound. She suspected that I had an ovarian cyst and wanted to know for sure. I followed her advice and schedule the appointment. Something in me told me that it was not a cyst and had nothing to do with my reproductive system. And my intuition was right. The results came back clear.

While I was happy to hear there wasn’t anything serious happening, it still left me unsettled without answers. A couple days later, I was sitting on the couch and my stomach was so swollen. I was feeling intense pressure again. I began to worry. I called one of my friends who is a doctor and was asked to come over. She checked me out and said I was definitely blocked. She wasn’t concerned that it was anything serious and gave me some protocols to work towards clearing it.

After I left her place, I was thinking back to my time in Spain and the chakra clearing work. And then I instantly knew, this blockage had to do with me not fully releasing everything I had worked through. It was clear that my Solar Plexus chakra was blocked. I had spent much time opening my heart and sacral chakras and had somehow blocked this area. You Solar Plexus is associated with the color yellow and serves as the center for your self-confidence, identity, and personal power. This is where your ego lives.

You can only fake things for so long. Eventually your body will shut down or react and alert you to what needs to be healed.

Being self-employed and an entrepreneur is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. When I was working for a company, I had a boss and a team backing me. They believed in me enough to hire me and keep me around. I remember when I left my career after 11 years feeling as if I had no skills. Obviously this isn’t true, but it’s what my ego (the noise in my head) was wanting to tell me. I’ve been afraid to put myself fully out there. I’ve had to deal with conversations around money and worth and how I charge for my services. I’ve had to learn to not take things personally and know that when someone gives me a “No”, it’s not me. Not everyone is going to be a right fit.

When you’re entire platform is built around teaching confidence, it seems contradictory that the person teaching it would be lacking confidence in their own way.

And yet that is where I’ve been. I can travel to countries by myself. Live without a plan and without knowing where my next paycheck is coming from. I can model in photoshoots and allow my self to be on display and seen. Yet when it comes to my own self-worth and offering my services to the world, I hide. It’s as if I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and telling everyone I’m going to jump and never going through with it. And then I remind myself of all that I’ve done and who I am in this world. I remember that I actually did jump off the cliff (in Morocco nonetheless).

The only person standing in my way from fully stepping out there is Me.

I’ve spent the past couple weeks doing chakra clearing meditations and writing a daily summary of gratitude. I can feel my stomach and my digestive system beginning to work again. I feel my confidence beginning to increase. People are reaching out to me for collaborations and opportunities. I have my first speaking gig on stage at a conference in New Zealand this weekend! I am putting myself out to the world and sharing my mission of doing photoshoots in countries all over the world as a way to support local photographers, designers, and stylists. Things are finally happening! And it’s all because I allowed myself to be uncomfortable and find healing and let go of the story that I’m not worth it.

MEDITATE and tune into your heart center.

OWN who you are.

ACKNOWLEDGE how far you’ve come.

Find GRATITUDE in all things great and small.

Keep inching towards the edge of the cliff and, before you can talk yourself out of it, JUMP.

REMIND yourself of all that you are and all that you have to offer.

REPEAT over and over again until you believe it.

The more you do this, the more your self-worth, confidence, and courage with grow. You’ll find more freedom in all areas of your life and find flow in the areas that were once blocked. Others will see you and be grateful that you finally stepped up and stayed out.

#travel #confidence #compassion #healing #surrender

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pettypaladins-blog · 7 years

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LancexPidge's Friendship

Lance couldn’t contain his excitement. Pidge, Hunk, and himself had just completed their first day of training at the Galaxy Garrison, and their third day overall at their new boarding school. Lance and Hunk shared a room, but Pidge had requested to be alone, albeit right next to his partners’ room. Lance had never given it much thought. From the moment they met, Pidge had seemed like a loner, so it made sense he would want his own room. Again, the question didn’t pop up in Lance’s mind as something with an intriguing answer- until he accidentally walked into Pidge’s quarters instead of his own, dazed and confused from the fatigue of training. As soon as he walked in, Lance noticed something was different, but didn’t care too much as all he wanted to do was sleep. He plopped down on the bed and his head lolled to the side. That was when he saw the binder on the floor. Lance didn’t really know it was a binder, or even that it was something he wasn’t supposed to find, until Pidge walked in and screamed. Immediately, Lance’s fogginess disappeared and he was left wondering why he wasn’t in his room. - Pidge took one look at Lance holding her extra binder and screamed. He wasn’t supposed to find out like this- scratch that, he wasn’t supposed to find out at all. “I swear I can explain…” Pidge blurted, but the tone of her voice suggested she had no idea what to say next. Lance just looked completely lost. Did he know what he had just found? Probably not. Did Pidge want to take that risk? Definitely not. She took a sigh and decided to tell him everything he needed to know, starting off with the obvious for everyone except Lance. “That’s mine. My binder…” to which Lance replied with a cocked eyebrow. “It keeps my- my boobs from being noticeable,” she mustered. “Your boobs?” Lance nearly shouted. Pidge slammed the door shut and shushed him while also waiting for a more telling response. “Dude, that is so cool! So, like, are you trans or do you have both man and lady parts or what?” Lance rambled on, eyes wide. Pidge released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. “Umm… I’m actually a girl but I’m disguised as a guy to attend this school.” “But there are girls here at the Garrison,” Lance said, misunderstanding, but why would he understand? He didn’t know about Matt or Pidge being banned from the Garrison for breaking and entering and attempting to steal private files. A deep breath. Inhale… and exhale. “My real name is Katie Holt, brother of Matt Holt and daughter of Sam Holt who were on the Kerberos Mission with Takashi Shirogane when they went missing. I tried to…” Pidge looked down at her feet and tried to make them stop rocking, “I tried to gather information on their disappearance from the files at the Garrison, but I was caught and banned. So I cut my hair, put on glasses, and adopted a new name and gender.” - After hearing Pidge’s backstory, Lance only had one question. “So what you’re telling me, is that while you’ve been lying to me during these whole three days that we’ve bonded, your glasses are fake?” Lance uttered this like they were the most important words he had ever said. “Also, what do I call you? You know, since your name is actually Katie but I’m not supposed to know that…” Pidge thought Lance had completely lost his mind. “Pidge is fine, but I don’t think you understand-” Pidge was cut off by Lance’s overly Latino accent that sometimes slipped in when he was flustered. “No no no,” Lance waved a finger at Pidge’s face, “I don’t think that you understand. I get you’re a girl and you have your reasons. But this is MY telenovela. Okay? I’m the one that’s supposed to be living with the secret, not you. Your glasses are fake, mine are real. This,” he pointed at his eyes, “perfect, 20/20 vision is achieved only with contacts. Do you hear me? I wear glasses. I have to try to fit in because I was born a nerd, and that's just not acceptable. Don’t tell me it’s hard to fit in, when I’ve been doing this almost my whole life.” He snapped his fingers high in the air before clearing his throat. It took a moment for Lance to calm down before his fluently practiced American accent was easier to maintain. “So, how would you like to use my old glasses frames to make your,” Lance gestured to Pidge’s clothes “getup more authentic?” - And that’s the story of how a great friendship started between the two, although no one ever would have guessed it because they acted more like siblings and attempted to stay away from each other at times to avoid talking about their secret identities. But when Pidge came out to the rest of the Paladins, and Lance finally felt secure enough with the paladins to wear his glasses around them, they were inseparable. Right leg and left arm, an unlikely, yet powerful duo.

#voltron #lance mcclain #pidge holt #katie holt #vld #hunk #keith #shiro #takashi shirogane #fanfiction #fanfic

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pedroscurls · 7 years

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Title: The Breakthrough

@a-girl-interupted requested: I always felt Max was a very sympathetic character. I'm not sure if thats bad screenwriting or because I love JDM or what but I always felt he really tried to fight his urges and if she had given him a chance he could have been a wonderful boyfriend. I wouldn't mind a play on that :) maybe if she hadn't pushed him away that night (smut) or if she found out he was watching her and instead of getting creeped out played and teased him a bit ya know? Just off the top of my head.

Character(s): Max and Juliet Summary: What if Juliet didn’t stop Max? Would that have changed everything? Word Count: 2,251 Warning: SMUT!!! Author’s Note: Thank you, @a-girl-interupted for this request! I agree one hundred percent that Max could have been a wonderful boyfriend if given the chance. So, I hope this is okay! It has been a while since I’ve written for Max, so hopefully it’s not too out of character. Enjoy! :-)

Forever Taglist: @disfigured-it-out || @chunex || @jasoncrouse || @oceanicseries || @dixonsbait || @negan--is--god || @see-you-then-winchester || @sable-the-trans-ham || @k4veggies || @labyrinthofheartagrams || @purplemuse89 || @ladyynegan || @scentofpineandhazelnutlattes || @may85 || @a-girl-interupted || @spn-cw123 || @multireality

(GIF Source: @mypapawinchester)

Max was struggling to maintain his resolve around Juliet. Since his mistake of pulling away from her kiss the other day, he knew he had to make it up to her. He had to show her that he was just as interested as she was.

He had to stop allowing his grandfather to be the deciding factor on every decision of his life. Meeting Juliet and being able to spend time with her showed him another aspect of the world that he missed out on. She was interested in him. He never thought it was possible.

Now, he had to make her officially his. Max was going to show her just how good of a man he was, despite his unusual flaws. Juliet was going to take him out of the walls, help him become the man that he knew he could become. Juliet was going to change him for the better.

Max took a deep breath. He made sure that August took his medication and for the rest of the night, he would be asleep. It was his time now to make it up to Juliet; he just hoped that she was home. Taking a bottle of wine, he left his apartment and walked over to her own. He lifted a free hand to knock gently on her door.

Suddenly, the constant negativity began to flood his mind. He heard August’s words about how useless he was, how weak of a man he was, and he was just about to turn around and leave before the door opened. At the sight of Juliet, Max smiled and felt all of his insecurities slip away.

Her eyes were welcoming and her smile so innocent. Though, Max didn’t know what to say, especially since they both left off on the wrong foot yesterday. Instead, he lifted the bottle of wine for her to see.

Luckily for Max, Juliet took initiative and motioned for him to step inside. He stepped foot into her familiar apartment, glancing around absently. He had to make it seem like her place was still so new to him despite being the owner, Juliet wasn’t aware of the hidden passages that this building had.

“You know you don’t have to feel sorry for me,” she said, taking him out of his thoughts.

“What?” he asked, furrowing a brow.

“I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. I’m sorry, Max,” Juliet whispered.

Max stared down at her. Why was she still apologizing? Shaking his head, he offered a small smile. “I should probably apologize. I wanted it to happen, Juliet. I just – You caught me by surprise.”

Juliet stared up at him. Max wanted nothing more than to just bring her flush against his body and show her just how much he was willing to sacrifice for her. Suddenly, he was taken by surprise when her arm wrapped around his neck. She pressed her lips against his own, which caused Max to widen his eyes.

Her lips were incredibly soft and welcoming to his own, so Max set the bottle of wine down onto the small table along her hallway and finally succumbed to his feelings. This was much different than watching her from behind the walls. He could feel the movement of her lips, the blazing trail her fingertips left on his body. This was much better.

Her hands lifted his shirt over his head and he broke the kiss to remove it completely. Max took this opportunity to remove her shirt as well, noticing the lacey bra that she was wearing underneath. He immediately felt himself harden at the sight of her and the possibility of her giving herself to him.

Max’s hands drifted to her backside, gently squeezing it before he brought her closer to her bedroom. Slowly, he lied her down and undid the button and zipper on her jeans, pulling it down her legs to reveal the matching lace underwear. He pecked her lips lightly, beginning to move downwards as his lips trailed a line of kisses down her chest to her abdomen.

He heard her gasp and Max wanted nothing more than to elicit another reaction from her. Max felt a hand on his shoulder and then suddenly, she was telling him to stop. He continued his kisses, looking up at her to see that her expression revealed an inner confliction.

“W – What?” he mumbled.

“I can’t,” she said.

Max was confused. He looked up at her and slowly tucked his fingers into the waistband of her panties, slowly lowering it as he stared into her eyes. The key word was can’t; that didn’t mean that she didn’t want this.

“I’ll take care of you, Juliet… I promise. I’ll never hurt you,” he said, continuing his movements once he noticed that she wasn’t stopping him. He tossed the fabric of her panties over his shoulder and broke the eye contact to look at her exposed sex. Max immediately pushed his hips against the bed, lowering himself until his face was between her legs.

“Max…” she whimpered.

“You’re safe with me,” he mumbled before darting his tongue out to run along the length of her sex. Max groaned, shutting his eyes as he allowed himself to get a thorough taste of her sweet sex. She was wet, wet for him. Max grinned, latching his lips onto her clit as he dropped his hand to run a finger along her entrance.

Max felt her stiffen against his ministrations. He simply grinned, flicking his tongue repeatedly against her bud as he slid two of his long fingers into her tight heat. He opened his eyes, watching her reaction. He was mesmerized. Her hair was splayed along the pillow and her eyes had fallen shut while her mouth was slightly agape to let out a quiet moan.

He was causing this amount of pleasure for her. Max wanted more. He used his free hand to grasp her breast, slowly pulling down her bra to reveal it to him. He groaned against her, beginning to pump his fingers into her as he continued to suck on her nub.

Juliet reached behind her and unclasped her bra, pulling it away from her body. She was giving herself all up to Max and now it was Max’s duty to take care of her. It was time she realized that there was no one else better than him.

Suddenly, he felt her contract around his fingers and he groaned, continuing to pump his fingers until she rode out her climax. A quiet whimper escaped her lips and he smiled, pulling away from her as he licked his lips then sucked his fingers clean.

“You’re so beautiful, Juliet,” he said, sitting up and removing his jeans and boxers.

Juliet blushed and Max took notice. He smiled, kicking off his boxers and settled between her legs. He stroked himself, staring down at her bare body. He wasn’t used to a woman giving themselves up to him so the fact that Juliet was willing to do it was making him excited to be inside of her depths.

Max ran his tip along her leaking entrance, groaning as it coated the head of his member. Juliet gasped, moving a hand to the bedsheet as Max smiled at her reaction.

“Max, please…” she begged.

Max grinned, slowly pushing into her entrance. He groaned immediately, grasping her hands and placing them next to her head. He pushed his hips until he realized he couldn’t go any further. She felt amazing around him. She was tight and warm and Max knew that he was going to want more.

“Oh god, Max…” Juliet moaned, causing him to deliver a sharp thrust of his hips. She moaned once more, gripping his hands tightly as she parted her legs even further for him.

Max began to roll his hips, thoroughly enjoying her reactions of pleasure and the feel of her walls sliding along his throbbing member. He noticed her arch her back, pressing her breasts against his chest. He needed to move faster. He wanted to see her reach her high because of his doing.

Suddenly, Max picked up the pace. His skin slapped against hers, allowing himself to pull back to his tip before he slammed back inside roughly. Juliet continued her moans, occasionally saying his name which excited him even further.

“Max!” she moaned loudly, wrapping her legs around his waist and urging him to continue his rapid thrusts. Max didn’t falter. Instead, he released her hands and grasped her hips, giving him leverage to move faster. He felt a knot tighten at his lower abdomen, letting him know that he was close to his own climax.

Juliet locked her ankles at his lower abdomen and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down against her as her walls slowly began to tighten once her climax began to run through her body. Max felt her walls begin to squeeze around his manhood and immediately, he dropped a hand between their bodies to rub her clit. She moaned loudly, holding onto him tightly as she finally reached her high.

Max groaned, burying his face against her neck as his hips continued to push into her repeatedly. He looked down and noticed that his manhood was slick with her wetness. He continued to thrust into her rapidly, feeling himself slowly begin to leak.

Max pulled out, not wanting to release inside of her just yet. He stroked himself rapidly and released along her lower abdomen, groaning quietly. After they both came down from their high, Max stood up and grabbed a small napkin. He walked back to her room and gently cleaned his release from her body. Once he tossed it in the trash, Max lied down next to her and kissed her temple lightly.

Juliet slowly turned to him, resting a hand on his chest and playing with the curls of hair. “Max?”

“Yes, Juliet?”

“I’m not over my ex-boyfriend.”

Max sighed, turning over to get dressed before her hand stopped him from moving.

“Let me finish.”

“You still love him…”

“I do, but with time, I’ll get over him. You said you’d never hurt me, Max… I believe you,” she said.

Max slowly smiled. That was all he wanted.

“Good night, Juliet.”

“Good night, Max.”

The next morning, Max awoke before Juliet. He looked down at her and noticed how her arms were wrapped around his frame. Then, he glanced down at the lack of clothes and immediately smiled to himself. August was wrong. He was a strong man. A man who could make a woman happy. He was nothing like his father.

He carefully climbed out of her bed and wrote a note saying that he had to take care of a few things, but that he would be back for breakfast. Max changed into his previous clothes and left her apartment quietly. He made sure that August had eaten and taken his meds before leaving to go behind the walls. This was it. He needed to close this section off so that no one else would come in here, not even him.

Max passed through the peepholes that looked into Juliet’s apartment and fought the urge to look into it. He already had her; there was no need to see what she was up to. What Max seemed to forget was that he had left the entryway from her wine cellar open and so when Juliet opened the pantry to her wine cellar, she noticed the small opening.

Furrowing a brow, she stepped inside and noticed a hidden pathway. Juliet continued walking until she spotted Max.

“Max?” she whispered.

Max suddenly looked up. He cursed under his breath; he was not expecting her to find out like this.

“Juliet… What are you doing here?”

“I should ask you the same thing. What is this place?”

“It’s nothing. It’s been here since I can remember. Let’s go back to your apartment. It’s dangerous down here.”

She walked closer and noticed the peephole. She looked into it and noticed that it was a perfect view of her bathroom. She cleared her throat and stood up, looking over at him.

“Max?”

“It’s not – I didn’t want you finding out like this.”

“It seems you’re into voyeurism,” she giggled.

Max furrowed a brow. Of all reactions, he was not expecting her to laugh. He looked into her eyes and bit his lower lip. “You’re not mad?”

“Well, we all like different things, right?”

“I’m a bit confused,” he admitted.

“Leave it there… Maybe we can try something out in the near future,” she winked.

“But I spied on you, Juliet…”

“Like I said, we all like different things and we do certain things without an explanation and that’s okay. You weren’t harming anyone.”

Max nodded. She made a good point. He didn’t have a good explanation as to why he decided to spy on her. He was taken by surprise when she stood on her toes to peck his lips. He was not expecting her to react this way when she found out.

“Want some breakfast?” she asked.

Max smiled, “If you’re the breakfast, then yes.”

Juliet laughed quietly, following Max out of the walls and back to her apartment. Max glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled.

He was right.

Juliet was the one to take him out of the walls and now he couldn’t wait to spend every second of the day showing her just how important she is.

#jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #jdm fanfiction #max #the resident #max the resident #max x juliet #juliet #story: the breakthrough #one shot #oneshot #requests #a-girl-interupted

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pedroscurls · 7 years

Photo

Title: Our Happy Ending

@chunex requested: Hi ! I love your fics, can I be tag in all please ?! Btw can you make a fic where Izzie and Denny have their happy ending ? Please Thank You

Character(s): Denny and Izzie Summary: Denny and Izzie finally have their happy ending. Word Count: 1,896 Warning: Fluff! Author’s Note: All right. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks Denny deserved better hehe. So, thank you @chunex for requesting this! We need to give him his happy ending for all the shit he dealt with. So, I hope this is what you imagined it to be. Enjoy all the fluffy goodness! ;-)

(GIF Source: @heartfulloffandoms)

Denny asked her. He asked her to marry him. Maybe it was the possibility of dying that made him ask her, but either way, she said yes and now he was more than ready to work on his recovery after receiving the new heart. He never thought that after five years, he would have a new heart, a new release on life, and a fiancée that he was extremely in love with.

He was reading the newspaper when suddenly, Izzie walked through the door in her pink dress. When he looked up at her, he felt his breath being taken away at the sight of her. Denny set the paper onto the table nearby and smiled, extending a hand out for her.

“You look –”

She interrupted, making sure to check his vitals. They were aware of how easily prone he was to blood clots, so they made sure to keep a close eye on him.

“Izzie, I’m fine…” he said.

Slowly, she pulled away from him to look into his eyes. She relaxed for a moment and leaned forward to peck his lips. “You can never be sure.”

“Well, thank you for being very thorough. Now, give me a spin,” Denny smiled.

Izzie smiled, standing up and slowly twirling around. She bit her lower lip and looked down at him, noticing his sparkly brown eyes twinkling against the soft light of his hospital room.

“Beautiful,” he commented.

Izzie blushed, “Now, I don’t want to go to this party. I just want to be here with you.”

Denny smiled. Usually, he would urge her to go and be with her colleagues, but tonight, he wanted her all to himself. Slowly, he climbed out of bed and reached for her small bag. He grabbed her phone and unlocked it, playing a slow song.

After he set her phone down on the table, Denny took her hand and pulled her to him. He felt much better now that he had a heart that was working properly. He rested a hand on her lower back as the other held her hand against his chest.

Izzie looked up at him. She wasn’t expecting him to get out of bed and dance with her; this only proved to her that Denny was the one. He was going to make her so happy.

“You’re a bit underdressed,” she teased.

Denny chuckled, “You kidding me? It’s easier access for you.”

Izzie laughed quietly, burying her face against the crook of his neck. She kept one arm wrapped around his shoulders, enjoying how tall he was. She pulled back to look up at him, gently pecking his lips before pulling away.

“Should we start planning our wedding?” he asked.

“You mean you haven’t already begun?”

Denny smiled, “Oh. I was in the middle of getting a new heart, but I did have the chance to call a wedding planner…”

“Really?” Izzie arched a brow.

“No, silly,” he responded.

Izzie shook her head, a large smile lining her lips. She released her hand from his and wrapped both arms around his neck loosely, feeling his own arms wrap around her waist. He held her close to him, swaying side to side to the soft beat of the song.

“As long as we both say ‘I do’, then I don’t mind how we do it. I just want to marry you already,” she said. She didn’t want to waste any more time.

Denny nodded. He leaned down to capture her lips, reveling in the softness of it against his own. He smiled against her, slowly allowing himself to move their lips against one another.

“Mm, Denny… You still have to recover,” she mumbled, pulling away with a blush.

“Just wanted to show you what you’re missing out on.”

“You just never stop, do you?” Izzie asked, laughing quietly.

“Not when I’ve got a beautiful fiancée, nope.”

Izzie smiled, kissing his cheek. She pulled away once the song ended and motioned for him to get back on the bed. He arched a brow and followed her order, lying back.

“Are you going to mount me now?” he winked.

“Denny Duquette!”

“It was worth a try.”

Izzie laughed, shaking her head. She moved to lie next to him, resting her cheek against his shoulder and shutting her eyes. This was much better than attending the party with the rest of the residents.

After Denny was released from the hospital, Izzie made sure to take a few weeks off from work. She spent majority of her time with Denny and moving her things out of the house she shared with Meredith and into Denny’s apartment.

Their wedding day was fast approaching and Denny was ready to take her as his wife. He wrapped his arms around her that night, holding her against him. He never thought he would be cleared for a clean bill of health (with the exception of many check-ups), no less have a beautiful woman in his arms.

He looked down at her, watching as she slept peacefully in his arms. Denny leaned down and kissed her forehead, shutting his eyes and allowing himself to fall into a deep slumber. He couldn’t wait to marry her.

After a week of preparing for their wedding, Izzie was pacing back and forth in the small room. She was dressed in a white gown that trailed outwards at the bottom of her dress. It was sleeveless and strapless, very much like her pink dress, but this was more elegant.

She let out her blonde curls, allowing it to frame her face. Meredith entered the room and looked at her, grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay, what’s the matter?”

“What if he realizes that he doesn’t want me? What if he realizes that now that he’s free from his heart problems, he may want more?” she panicked.

“Izzie… Denny is waiting patiently outside for you. He’s fidgeting, just like you are, but you know just as well as I do that this is meant to happen. He’d never do that to you. He’s your one, Izzie. Now, go on and get out there.”

Izzie took a deep breath and looked over at her. She nodded and hugged Meredith lightly before exiting the room. She allowed Meredith to walk first and once the music began to play, Izzie felt her heart beat out of her chest.

This was it. It was finally happening.

Slowly, Izzie took a step forward and raised her eyes from the ground to meet Denny. Instantly, she smiled to herself. All the worries and concerned she was panicking about had disappeared and all she could imagine was the future she was going to share with Denny.

He was wearing a black and white suit. His hair was cut a bit shorter, but he was still sporting the same facial hair that made him that much more handsome. When he smiled, Izzie couldn’t help but let her heart skip a beat at the sight of his deep dimples.

Once she stood in front of him, Denny reached for her hands and instantly, pulled her a bit closer. He looked into her eyes and smiled, running his thumbs absently along her knuckles.

The couple was stuck in a trance. Everyone around them disappeared. They imagined their future, the possibility of having children, moving into a house, the many nights that they would spend cuddling with one another.

In that moment, they were invincible and nothing was going to stop them from their happy ending.

When the priest asked for their vows, Denny decided to go first. He placed a soft kiss on her knuckles and smiled.

“Isobel Stevens… My firecracker,” he grinned. “When you stepped foot into my hospital room for the first time, there was something about you that attracted me immediately. Maybe it was because of how beautiful you were, but as we spent more time together, I realized that you had become the reason why I wanted to live. You make me laugh, Izzie. I see you and immediately, my entire world brightens around me. I just can’t help but smile.

“You didn’t look at me like I was some patient waiting to die… You gave me hope when I had lost it. Your optimism fueled me to get better, to keep fighting. Our lunch dates became more frequent. I always looked forward to seeing you.

“I had dealt with my heart problem for five years and in that five years, I have never felt as alive as I did when I was with you. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Izzie. You’ve made me the happiest man alive when you said yes to marry me, and you will continue making me the luckiest man alive to have you as my wife.”

Izzie blinked back the tears, trying desperately not to ruin her makeup. Denny smiled, reaching up to gently wipe a tear away, looking directly into her eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Izzie grinned, wanting to kiss him. She knew that she wasn’t allowed to just yet, so she refrained. When the priest turned to her, she nodded and focused her attention on Denny.

“I never knew how good of a decision it was to be with Dr. Bailey that day. I walked in and despite lying on a hospital bed, you worked your charm. It was difficult to avoid, especially since those dimples make me weak. Like you said, our lunch dates became more frequent. I used every excuse I had to see you.

“The way you look at me, Denny, makes me feel so special. You look at me as if I’m the only woman that matters. You make me feel beautiful, loved… You make me laugh and I love being in your arms. I never thought I would settle down and get married, but then you came into my life.

“I am so deeply in love with you, Denny Duquette. I can’t wait to wake up in your arms every morning or go to sleep in the comfort of our own bed. I can’t wait for this new beginning of ours.”

Izzie finished, biting her lower lip. She looked up at Denny and noticed how he was also restraining himself from kissing her. When the priest asked for the rings, Denny held them up and Izzie grinned.

It was becoming official.

“I do,” Denny said, sliding the ring onto Izzie’s finger.

When the priest turned to Izzie and asked the same question, she nodded and slid the ring onto Denny’s finger, “I certainly do.”

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride, Mr. Duquette,” the priest said.

Denny grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in for a deep kiss. Izzie melted into him, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck as she continued to slow, passionate kiss.

When they pulled away, Denny rested his forehead against her own and grinned.

“We got our happy ending,” he whispered.

“Are you ready to start making babies?” she teased.

Denny widened his eyes. “We can skip the reception and go straight into the honeymoon.”

“I’m kidding,” she laughed.

“Mm, you’re going to get it later, Mrs. Duquette.”

Izzie grinned, “It has a nice ring to it.”

“Thank you, Izzie…”

“For what?” she asked.

“For giving me my happy ending.”

#jeffrey dean morgan #jdm #jdm fanfiction #denny duquette #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #denny x izzie #izzie stevens #one shot #oneshot #requests #chunex #story: our happy ending

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