#and then getting the diagnosis. god. …also part of me wonders if they have i or ii but i imagine i?? idk realistically its probably ii

[heisttheblackflag]

I know someone on here posted Lindsay’s reel/clip from yesterday talking about their recent mental health diagnosis and the way that vtubing as RWBY has helped them deal with it and like. I have a lot of emotions about that as I’m sure we all do (and I’ll find it to rb on here later) but. for me personally this is extraordinarily impactful because there are so few people that are known creatives that are open about being bipolar that for them to just come out and say it absolutely floored me. bipolar disorder is probably one of The most stigmatized and demonized mental illnesses out there and it is so hard to come to terms with that diagnosis, even if getting the diagnosis means you can struggle less in your daily life thanks to medication and therapy, so I don’t blame anyone for hiding it or keeping private about it, but as someone who has made a point of being pretty open about being bipolar as part of my creative…mission statement, I guess, it’s deeply meaningful and impactful to me to have someone like Lindsay Jones be open about being bipolar as well. the only way we can reduce stigma is to keep talking about it, so I genuinely hope this can help reduce the stigma of bipolar disorder in the small corner of the world that watches Lindsay/RWBY because even that little bit can make a huge difference.

happy mental health awareness month!

support Lindsay, support anyone else in your life who is struggling with mental health especially bipolar disorder (I, II, or cyclothymia), and if you have any (respectful) questions about what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder my askbox is open with no judgement 💙

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i talked to the school councelor because i suspect one of my friends is autistic? 👁️

(note: asshole is probably a strong word - what i’m mostly asking is if it would be a good idea)

I (17) have a friend (17) we’ll call Alex. I’ve been friends with Alex since we were in first grade, because our parents knew eachother. We kind of grew up together. Our entire lives, they’ve always been “weird,” they’ve never picked up on social cues well, they’re obsessed with chickens and know an absurd amount about them, they describe themself as a “creature of habit,” they struggle to understand when people are joking vs serious, and they are really bad at spelling, just to name off the top of my head. Now, any of these thing in a vacuum wouldn’t warrant anything necessarily, but all together i’m pretty certain they have undiagnosed autism.

Some added context, im not autistic myself, but i do have ADHD and i have an interest in psychology and how the brain works. In doing my own research to see if i was autistic, i noticed a lot of similarities between what i was reading and how i’ve known Alex as a friend my whole life. I’ve had the idea of them maybe being autistic rolling in the back of my head for like, two years now? But haven’t ever said anything about it, because i was afraid I was wrong or overthinking.

Now, here’s why i’m worried about bringing it up to anyone. Their parents are very… “nuclear family” ish. they’re very catholic, and have six kids with a seventh on the way (we live in the suburbs) and a part of me feels they don’t believe in mental health/illnesses/disorders or anything like that. They’re also transphobic, but you didn’t hear that from me. I just fear that telling a counselor would spread the info to parents who either wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t care, or would try and “cure” it. Alex already isn’t doing well mentally (they’ve talked about feeling textbook dysphoria and are in denial about it - i think they’re a transmasc egg) and i really don’t want to bring it up if it will cause problems.

BUT. I talked to my mom about all of this (we’re very close and i knew she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it) and she recommended talking to the school counselor, and im just wondering if it’s a good idea. In the best case scenario, the counselor would work to get them a diagnosis and HOPEFULLY a therapist (oh my god do they need a therapist), but in the worst case? in the awful world for autistic people we live in? i just don’t know if it’s wise. So here i am turning to tumblr, the most neurodivergent site around. WIBTA if i talked to the counselor about my friend who i heavily suspect is autistic?

[ivystoryweaver]

Based on this request by @whatthefishh: “are you sure? once i start i don’t think i’m able to stop” + Steven Grant 🙈❤️

next | miniseries masterlist | my masterlist

In which you are a simpering mess for this adorkable man

Content: f!reader, Part 1: fluff, pining, bit suggestive, not beta'd - Part 1 can stand on its own, you do not have to read part 2 if you only want fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

Steven Grant is something else.

Apparently, he vandalized the toilets in the Egyptian wing of the museum.

And got sacked.

Disappeared for a month.

And is now in your office, asking for his job back.

He has some nerve.

The thing of it is, you feel for him.

That is to say, you feel badly for him. You also feel other things for him. Such as attraction. Really intense attraction.

Which is not okay, seeing how he is several steps below your pay grade, begging for your mercy (ahem, professionally) and you cannot show any favoritism in hiring...or re-hiring, in this case.

"I'll get on my knees and beg, if it helps," he lets out a jovial little laugh, his dark curls rustling against his forehead.

That sentence would have sounded absolutely pathetic coming out of any other man's mouth. But Steven Grant is something else. You almost ask him to repeat himself just to hear it again.

"You see...it's just that you're the only one who's ever really been kind to me," he earnestly explains, leaning toward your desk, elbows resting on his knees.

Dark eyebrows shift back and forth - his brown eyes wide and pleading.

"And...well, I'd hate to take advantage of your kindness - "

Please. Please take advantage. Ugh, your intrusive thoughts are not welcome at this meeting.

"But I'd thought you'd be most likely to listen - you see, I have a disorder - "

"Sleeping disorder, right?" You interrupt, glancing down at his file. As if you need his file. You remember every word he's ever said. One time, he inadvertently let it slip that he used an ankle restraint and that just sent you...

"Oh, that? Eh..." He chuckles nervously, straightening up and scrubbing his hand over the back of his neck.

This is the day you learn Steven is a system.

All intrusive thoughts and unprofessional desires aside, this is something you take seriously. Steven has a diagnosis now - one you cannot ignore, nor can the museum use it against him. True, the toilets have been vandalized...by his alter. Not by him.

"I'd tell you more about why it happened, but you'd think me absolutely mad," he concludes, willing to share with you about his alter, but not an ancient Egyptian deity. Not today.

"Hey, don't talk about yourself like that," you respond, your eyes shining with sincerity and compassion.

There it is - the kindness you regard others with at all times - the dignity. Everyone has a fair shot with you, everyone deserves to be listened to. Sometimes Steven wonders if you would make a better therapist than a museum supervisor. Or perhaps he simply adores talking with you. And looking at you.

"Thank you," he breathlessly utters, his eyes glowing with gratitude, "for listening to me, I mean. Not many people do...listen to me, that is."

"I don't see why not," you return warmly. "I always enjoy our conversations, Steven."

That's not all you enjoy about him.

"Thank you," he repeats, blushing.

"So...which job is it that you're interested in?"

"Oh! Well, I'll take anything you'll give me. I'll do anything, really. Just say the word and I'm all yours."

Jesus.

Is it hot in here? Are you sweating? Oh god, you're staring. Are you staring?

Clearing your throat, you attempt to move this conversation along before you spontaneously combust.

"I think we have an opening for a tour guide," you inform. "Might be a little better suited to you than gift shop clerk. And it's not under Donna's purview."

"Oh god, really?" He gasps, his shoulders straightening from their typical, cute hunch. "You'd really let me interview - for a tour guide?"

"Of course," you sweetly reply. "We just need to set up a time for you to give me a private tour and I'll see what I can do."

The affection and adoration on Steven Grant's face is something you need to see again. Especially if you can be the cause for it.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

"Are you sure? Once I start I don’t think I'll be able to stop," Steven confesses, standing with you at the entrance of the museum's Egyptian wing.

Nearly every word out of his gorgeous, kissable lips drives you to distraction.

Feeling uneasy at your silence, he barrels on, "Just don't want to talk my way out of a job, is all."

"No, of course you won't. Please, go ahead."

So he does.

He talks and talks and talks about everything you pass by. And not just the major displays, but the tiniest bits of pottery, cracked and nearly forgotten. But not by him. His brown eyes glow with intrigue, his hands gesture animatedly.

He knows everything there is to know, even going so far as to point out that one of the name plates underneath one of the smallest, dullest, frankly most insignificant display items - is incorrect.

How has this man been stuck at the gift shop counter with Donna condescending to him daily?

He's actually managed to distract you from your desires - from your silly crush - and really impress you, professionally.

"Have I done it, then?" He sheepishly questions, pressing his palms together as if supplicating, then pulling them close to his chest. "Have I gone on too long?"

"No," you breathe, with heartfelt conviction. "It was amazing. You're amazing."

His eyebrows shoot up as he pushes up on his toes eagerly. "Wow, really?"

"Yes," you nod fervently, grinning at him. "You're hired. Congratulations, Steven."

Squeezing his hands into cute fists, he nearly shakes with excitement. "Thank you. Thank you so much!" And then, as if all his puppy energy bursts out of him, he pulls you into a quick, but strong embrace. The heat of his body electrifies you utterly.

"Oh, god, sorry. That wasn’t professional at all, was it? No. Please don't tell my boss," he laughs, attempting to joke his way out of his blunder.

You're reeling. Where others see an info-dumping nerd, you see a man so eager to please. And so handsome. And smart. How is he single?

"D-don't worry about it," you finally stammer, realizing he's withdrawn his fidgeting fingers to his chest. "No harm done."

"Sorry, I just get...passionate. I mean..." He gestures around him, his eyes sweeping over the ancient relics he knows so well - though his eyes ultimately land on you. "It's all so bloodly amazing, innit?"

"Yes," you laugh, although not mockingly. "I agree, it is. And I think this display is best left in your hands, I really do."

Taking you literally, he holds his hands up for inspection, turning them over adorably before thrusting them out toward you. "These hands won't let you down, boss."

Steven is still holding out his hands so you extend your own for a professional handshake. "Welcome to the team. Or - welcome back, rather."

The warmth of his palm enveloping your own sends a wave of desire surging through you.

Steven holds on a bit longer than most people would, his gaze falling on yours. "Thank you. Really. You don't know what this means to me. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you."

You could think of a few ways.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

All my fluffy babes feel free to stop here and don't kill me for taking this suggestive prompt and making it fluffy! My NSFW fans, continue on to part 2 ->

IvyStoryWeaver's 500 Follower Celebration

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Steven Grant-Centric stories

Moon Knight Masterlist

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[midnight-glasses]

💚 ✨Happy birthday, Laito✨💚

Guys, today is a very important day for me. I know I haven't been very active, but I want to get back to Fandom as soon as possible! Diabolik Lovers is an important part of me as a whole. It feels like yesterday was the day I discovered the anime; however, it has been many years. I discovered anime when I was nine years old, back in 2015, and I have had a love for games, anime, and manga for a long time. However, it was only in the middle of 2021/2022 that I discovered a fandom that is still so alive after years... However, some people are probably wondering why today is a special day for me and where I want to go with this simple speech: today is my beloved character's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAITO!

This fedora hat shading your emerald green eyes and your somewhat complex and captivating personality, this character who certainly was a great source of trauma for the unaware, this utterly deplorable and broken character represents a lot to me in different extensions and senses depending on the time when I consumed it. For my 9-year-old self, it was my love for vampires and my continuous hyperfocus being fueled. For my 12 and 14-year-old selves, it was a great source of comfort and affection; it also served as a discovery and a reminder of past experiences which unfortunately I had to go through and endured throughout my years of life. At 19 years old, it signifies my profound love for broken characters, Otome games, and it has been the main impetus for me to currently seek a deeper diagnosis regarding my neurodivergences. This character helped me deal with experiences that I had blocked and didn't know how to process. This character isn't everything, but it means a lot to me. That's why I say happy birthday, you stupid vampire! Thank you for being a part of my life and introducing me to such wonderful people on the internet.

I would like to thank everyone who has had contact with me, you are all wonderful people!

@afra-blueraz, @eyelessdoll-y, @dialovers-translations, @dialovers-lover-xoxo, @sekai-takoyaki, @everything-laito, @diakaoniii, @yuma-mukami-garden-god, @rukiyui-fanblog, @its-irsaa-fyp, @benevxllain, @/carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich, @kauze-bridgerton/@kauzebridgerton, @callmeklair, @hanakohanabe, @yuikomorii, @kindan-no-kanojo, @laitoscupoftea and everyone else I didn't mention, you guys are a fraction of the wonderful people I have met here, and I will be very happy if you choose to continue this wonderful path for as long as you can feel comfortable, because you are an extension and a very important part of my life even though I have never seen any of you in person.

I didn't come here just to give this thank you without at least bringing something in return to celebrate this cursed vampire's birthday. By the end of March, I intend to release some headcanon or story about or for him. Thank you all, and happy birthday, Laito!

[blindmagdalena]

Here is another "let me pick your brain" lol.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on whether Homelander would die for Ryan and the endless debate about Homelander's mental illness.

I was arguing this point, and I personally thought he would. The person disagreed due to someone citing Homelander's narcissism and sociopathic personality.

We also disagreed on what and the spectrum of mental illness he suffers from. My personal belief is that he is that he is on the spectrum of grandiose narcissism, sadism, and APD (specifically sociopathology). I wouldn't put him completely in any of these boxes because he repeatedly demonstrates behavior that doesn't fit nicely in them. Still, he certainly has tendencies that fit somewhere on the spectrum of these disorders.

so, i don't feel qualified to talk on the diagnosis (even fictional) of these various mental illnesses, but i'll happily talk about what i believe is in character for Homelander, and what narratively makes sense to me. first and foremost, he is a tool in a story, so he's bound to make choices that don't fall in line with any singular diagnosis, but instead best serve said story. from the perspective of the writers, anyways.

yes, i think under the right circumstances, Homelander could sacrifice himself for Ryan, and i think that precisely because of his ego. it's important to remember that Homelander thinks of Ryan as an extension of himself. he wants for Ryan the life that he never had.

minor speculation/spoilers mb for season 4, but Homelander is getting older. that's going to be a crisis for him, and the only chance he has at any kind of legacy or immortality IS Ryan. his son is his second chance and his proxy.

all that said, i know that i'm presenting the Vader narrative. redemption at the last minute through death. that's not the spin i would like to see on this situation, though.

i don't believe in accountability for fictional characters. i don't believe redemption and love and sacrifice are all easy or clear-cut subjects that can—or should—be spoon fed to us. stories are tools of human emotion just like music and poetry and art, and emotions are messy.

were i writing for the series and it came down to "Homelander has to die for Ryan. Go." i would frame this as an impulsive move on Homelander's part. an honest to god miscalculation in a crucial moment driven by his instinct to protect his son. we already saw Homelander turn his back on a hostile enemy for Ryan's sake once. had Butcher not also been swayed by Ryan's injury, that right there could have been a death sentence.

in my minds eye, Homelander dying in Ryan's arms is straight up denial. he looks younger than his years and confused, like he just can't really process that he, a god, is dying. it doesn't make sense. so he assures him, "Hey, it's okay, bud, I'm right here. It's okay. Your dad's here."

because in the end that's all he ever wanted for himself. someone to love and protect him despite his strength and powers. and the only way he's going to get it is by giving it to his son.

[texanmarcusdavenport]

Mighty Med Headcanons

Gus

Gus is secretly a Perry. They have a lot in common: weird side character that shows up at the most (in)opportune moments, has an unrealistic variety of skills and resources, a past that's WAY too storied to be true yet somehow it is??, and obsessive behavior over their romantic interests (Perry with Douglas & Gus with Jordan). If they're not related, they'd 100% get along like a house on fire if they did meet.

Gus and Oliver are childhood friends of the "our parents forced us to hang out" variety. Oliver is GOBSMACKED that both his parents like Gus better than Kaz. Like. How??

Jordan

Jordan!! I <3 her. There’s a post going around on here that says she should've been in Elite Force instead of AJ & I 100% agree. She does seem like the type that'd be a surprisingly good hacker... and honestly I just really miss her :(

Her & Daniel(le) would get along. I have no proof I just know it. Troublemakers Inc(TM)

Kaz(imieras)

Pansexual & polyamorous. As long as everyone's having fun he's down for whatever

Transfem genderfluid, he/she/it. Starts by calling itself a woman/girl casually until Oliver's like. Kaz is there anything you want to tell me. & Kaz is like pfffft what no that's ridiculous ha ha Oliver I think I'd know if I was transgender. Then Kaz thinks about it & it's like. Damn it.

It/its pronouns also happen via jokes, she's just like. I'm like if a girl were a bug :) or perhaps a small mammal. Until someone calls her 'it' and she's like. Hm. Kinda slaps.

Doesn't even realize she has dysphoria, just starts acting & dressing more feminine when it suits her & 2 years later she's like. Huh. I haven't been avoiding mirrors lately. Wonder what that's about?

Combined-type ADHD

Dyslexic & dysgraphic. Only got through English by the Grace of God (Oliver). But I headcanon that other than spelling & syntax errors he's actually a great writer when he puts the effort in. He'd kill in public speaking but he'd never do that lol.

If she had a Normo job, it'd be firefighter

Oliver

Trans guy, he/him. He & Kaz are transmasc/transfem solidarity. His mom is more supportive than his dad.

OCD, anxiety, autistic. Gets all 3 from his parents which is part of the reason it took so long to get a diagnosis (both of them just thought getting crippling bouts of anxiety was normal).

Aroallo, specifically cupioromantic bisexual... this is so important to me you don't understand. Oliver is a very codependent character and I think learning to live on his own & not be jealous of his friends would be a great character arc for him.

He & Kaz r so fucking queerplatonic don't even get me started. Do Not Seperate Them.

Skylar Storm

Ace lesbian

She's an alien so I don't think she prescribes to human gender roles like. At all. So she's not really "trans" or "cis", but she does use she/xhe pronouns & mostly describe herself as a woman.

Futch Skylar... futch Skylar supremacy!! Has a sort of complicated relationship with presentation and whatnot, human femininity is sort of the norm for Skylarkind as a fashion trend. Xhe and Experion actually were both ostracized for their presentation (butch/trans Experion my beloved <3). I think xhe prefers more masculine dress but in fun styles and colors because, in her words, "practicality doesn't have to be boring".

Skylar Storm is essentially just a stage name, it started as anickname based on a very loose translation of xyr actual name.

Alan Diaz

Trans guy, any pronouns. Mostly because they're confused by language as a concept.

You know how its a running gag in MM that Horace never taught him how to count past eighty? That, but with language. Horace speaks Arabic, Old Castilian, & Mexican Spanish interchangeably so Alan grew up thinking that's just how people talk. Mix that with random alien languages &, well, they're incomprehensible on the best of days.

Doesn't know they're trans. Like they're trans obviously but if you told her that she wouldn't really understand.

Oliver: so you were, uh, born a girl but you're a boy now?

Alan: no, I'm a boy.

Oliver: yeah, obviously, but like, physically--

Alan: What Normo nonsense are you on about.

And it continues like that.

Polysexual, and if xe were married xe'd be a Wife Guy (positive).

[sageandred]

🚒🚨🚔 911 Lone Star ⭐️ Rewatch Notes—Season 1 ~

1x01

So first thing in the opening: somehow I forgot the guy microwaved a wrapped burrito. I wonder if Judd thinks about this being the origin for his team's deaths.

Anyway, the nitrate being the cause to the explosion could've totally been avoided with a quicker alert, but seems realistic and just sad to Judd's initial backstory.

It's crazy to me how TK was ready to propose without knowing what living together was like. I could say so much abt the implications of their relationship and how it was bad even before the knowledge of cheating.

Oh my god, I almost forgot about Michelle. (her yelling on the bf's porch is her best scene, lol)

TK tells his dad the AA meetings are better than in New York, but 2 episodes later he says to Carlos he's felt "gray" since he got here. He doesn't want his dad to worry. And Carlos ends up being the first person he is honest with on how he feels in Austin.

So glad Michelle and Owen never became a thing

It's crazy-Judd's PTSD was such a key thing in the first episode that kept me watching; I wanna see him in a leading position storyline again with his new journey in s5.

1x02

"TK, get the cuffs." "We don't have any cuffs, cap." is actually good-funny!

The infamous episode 2 hook-up: This entire scene has been analyzed, but I'll reiterate: How hooked Carlos must've been based on his reaction after. TK, as well, being laid out on the couch. Their kissing was so hungry; this was crazy. Also, I feel so bad for Carlos how TK's rushing out, and he knows it at the very end there, but is hoping it's not what he thinks.

I honestly like a lot of the calls better than 911. The balance/self-awareness of silliness and tearjerk moments on the calls (including the one with the overlords; also racist lady, and the unknown mercury poisoning) are so heartwarming, tbh. ❤️

The iconic "it's a meal, not a marriage proposal" table scene: it also just occurred to me, (or I remembered(?)), the implication that Carlos doesn't engage in hookup culture a lot or AT ALL based on the context of this scene ("I don't do this a lot." "Clearly.." and how he's acting)

1x03

The corn silo call and seeing how stupid TK is [affectionate] so early on to try saving Marjan. They really had an unspoken bond from day 1. (literally allergic to leadership when he feels he knows best)

"Just grinning like the butcher's dog, huh?" Judd is sooo <3 😆

2 observations from Carlos' talk w/Michelle about TK *and it's taken for context of him being out but never having anyone serious enough to introduce to his parents*: 1) he's probably never gotten used to texting first or cared enough to pursue [when Michelle suggests] (and that his fear of rejection in this moment could stem from his mom or dad never showing acceptance for his sexuality), and 2) he calls TK a "ten," and before, Michelle says "doesn't it always get weird?" about Carlos and his hook-ups.

#Grudd "So then, you got your point across." "I. did. not." I love them!

The beginning of Paul and Marjan-they don't show their friendship enough, but they connect so well from the beginning!

Like father, like son- so Owen fights off his frustrations like TK (where he gets it from). They're both keeping secrets from each other and don't deal w/their emotions well, because part of him wanted to get out his anger for his diagnosis. (perhaps, loose correlation, but trying to distract himself by being Michelle's hero somehow circles back to what the man in the cancer ward said about Owen wanting to "play hero ball" by being prideful and trying to solve things without support from his family/team)

I like how they wrote TK and Judd resolving their conflict-TK cutting off Judd in the middle of his apology, as he's struggling to do so & apologizing as well (they get each other so much).

1x04

The Tornado episode: when they feel like a full-blown family

Marjan and Judd conversing in the firetruck about religion made me think compared to the rest of the 126, they interact very little in one-on-one situations, but there's some small moments and background instances later on t/o the show of their bond! (maybe it was born out of understanding from this scene?!)

Owen advising Mateo about not bottling stuff up and Mateo opening up about the call: an early predecessor to what happens in (4x11) the sitcom episode. also, take your own advice!

Owen not telling TK his diagnosis vs telling him before he is confirmed to getting a different one in season 4 is growth.

1x05

"..incels--Involuntary celibates." "That's a thing?" "We used to just call them losers." just Nancy appreciation things

TK counting the days from Alex breaking up with him and calling him his "soulmate". I'm so dumb, I just realized TK knowing the days is 116 (that would've been a lot of time to count otherwise) is because it's the same day he broke his sobriety (i think i forget abt this every time i come across this scene).

[Judd has flashback and ptsd reaction on scene at the call]

It's interesting how 911 starts further in to the team-like connectedness and LS shows the probie-induction for full length episodes. like they don't let Mateo do anything. "[I'm] their spotter, sir?"... "There's another one!" 😂😅 (also cuz Mateo literally failed four times, I KNOW)

1x06

I'm obsessed w/all of Marjan's solo friendships with the boys. That is all. [the early scene in the episode with the credits still rolling]

"Whenever you get stressed, just remind yourself that...soon you're gonna die anyway...if you can convince your brain that none of it really matters anyway, then you'll basically be a Jedi." some genuinely solid advice (ep. has some unexpectedly uplifting words, and this is a great heart-to-heart in it)

I will say they've got the friendship moments down pat with the team-building these last 2 episodes and the last few scenes of each episode solidify that! The developmental, 'forming-of-the-friendships' scenes in s1 are rlly great by showing members bond individually, along with all of the nice natural chemistry and camaraderie on calls, including looks and side comments.

1x07

Paul has such a right to be upset abt Owen keeping his diagnosis a secret when they relocated and now their jobs could be on the line, because of Billy and his mission.

Oh my gosh, Carlos literally says, "I'm a patrol officer, not an investigator." look where you are now (I've had thoughts on the journey from officer to ranger and how it's good!)

[JUDD STANDING UP FOR HIS CREW!!] to keep their jobs to Billy and for Owen to fix the mess he created

1x08

BUTTERCUP!!!

The Norman-Norma Bates call always was one I really liked.

"Okay, she dead." Tim, I miss you.

"Man, you're being a dick to a cancer dog? That is not a good look, bro." [the way he said it- just some shameless Paul appreciation]

"You knew that I was going to fall in love with it...and I won't be able to take that." so sweet

"Yeah, I think this is about more than the dog." omg, Owen is slow ❤️

Now that I'm over the initial sadness of Grace being replaced, I'm interested in how Wyatt does as a dispatcher and what kind of calls he has that tie into the episode themes.

TK's first on-screen NDE via on scene first response calls. you got a lot more coming your way, buddy

Aww Paul in the back offscreen (who can't see what's going on) screaming for TK when he gets shot

Michelle is "Blue Eyes" singing and Iris is "Sad Eyes"? why did this just click for me

1x09

a side-note: Judd is so unserious, always laughing during the calls [here for pregnancy delivery gender-reveal party; & so many situations t/o the season (and this is not including the one where he reacted due to ptsd, obviously)]

[TK always thinking about other people-how the kid who shot him is dealing when he first wakes up (they tell us exactly what a dominant trait in his characterization that will be)].

"Are you my doctor?" "No, I'm his..date." "You brought a date[to the hospital]?" Fr & "So, are you gonna tell me how long you've been seeing her?" "When you tell me how long you've been seeing the cop." are the funny father-son moments that shine

The show joking about how soon TK will return to work and Mateo earnestly asking "in a couple weeks?" to which Judd says "sooner than that" and tells the story of an LA firefighter coming back in a month after rebar went through his brain (911 reference). oh I didn't get this b4. also, I do love the whole awareness of speedy recoveries & that we're just gonna accept it <3

Judd doesn't like the extra work of filling in as captain. Is this smthing relevant for later (idk)?

Again- "they said you might heal up in 10 days." love it!

"There's turns in there that are 2 ft wide." and "that excludes everybody except..." I love Marjan and Mateo getting their moment (she's had some already, but..)

["who do you normally talk to about these things?"] "Well I guess there is my boyfriend-who I don't even really know is my boyfriend, boyfriend." so cute <3 they were like this already early on

TK became a firefighter because he followed in Owen's footsteps, because he wanted a father, after he wasn't there that much (*this is just a recap note for the plot). additionally, age confirmation this ep that TK is 26.

maybe we can get more of Judd's family or extended family in s5 (and bonding with Wyatt since he's never met them)

1x10

The concept of this episode is so good (Solar Storm)! That opening kind of hits! × the way you don't really know what's going on and there's all these mishappenings on the street ❤️

"Paul did it." damn Mateo wastes no time accussing his big bro <3

This episode is a very slow in a good way; I like the pacing, so far!

The airplane power line rescue where Owen jumps out last minute-"I give you a 2 for style and 10 for timing." Judd dgaf throwing digs at the 126, including his cap all the time (I never noticed how much). [+ his rocky relationship start w/Owen that quickly turns to Judd calling him out as soon as he does is wild, because it's towards his boss]. it's been the whole season! <3

I know it's disputed for if it was planned all along for what we find out in s4, but Iris mentions Carlos here in a familial manner like she was closer with him than Michelle.

The astronaut 😭! don't know if it's my favorite s1 call, but it's definitely up there (i take it back-very likely it might be my favorite call of season one!) <3

Don't mind me I'm just emotional abt TK's journey this season capping off with him opening up to the crew abt something so personal as his addiction. This trust is where the Catan hangs were born.

[modestbirdwizard]

Fix your shit, or make it better anyway!

Everyone has had that little something in their life that was just perfect in everyone, suited to it's task, purpose, and the user's personal preference… and everyone has also had that thing break on them, followed by years of white whaling for a better replacement. Learning to fix your shit is essential in an era that lives and breathes e-waste and demands us to be connected, and while the vast majority of cellphones are hard to fix and difficult to even open, there ARE plenty of other devices in our lives simple enough to engage with that the layman stands a chance.

Tools, example projects and places to look for guides under the jump:

Fixing old ipods, restoring butchered record players, game controller customization (or fixing joystick drift), turning your favorite headphones into a cable-swappable gaming headset , or making the perfect version of a computer keyboard are all possible with a relatively small set of tools and a small investment of your time. For almost any given tech project, you only need a few tools to get into, out of, and through the guts of any electronic device.

Tools of the trade:

A soldering iron (A pinecil or a TS100 are great choices for those who need something small. You will see even cheaper irons that look like they plug directly into the wall, but these are NOT soldering irons, they are the end component of a soldering station, a much larger kind of iron for more serious users. They do not have heat control and are DANGEROUS if not used with a soldering station.)

A set of spudgers, picks, and pry tools (Not the cheap plastic ones that come with every single tech repair component, though you'll need those too, they are basically free in the quanitity that you'll need them.)

Most important of all, a solid multi-bit screwdriver set for this purpose. (The ifixit mako kit is the golden god here, but don't be fooled: this array of bits in these sizes can be had for as little as 12 bucks. That said, investing in your tools is an investment in yourself.)

A set of precision tweezers

A bottle of 99% Isopropyl Alcohol And for the more complex jobs:

A basic multimeter (This is mostly used for diagnosis, looking for broken circuits and finding the voltages of various components.)

A Heatgun/hair dryer (More useful for specific tasks, such as removing Surface Mount components which tend to be very, very small.

With these tools, the world is yours. A word about soldering: People act like this is an insane skill to possess, something best left only to the most dedicated techno-wizard and warlocks, but that's simply not the case. It's actually as simple as using hot glue safely. I'll defer to Big Clive for better instructions than I could write. It's pronounced saw-dur, by the way.

I'd also recommend his account for the great resource that it is generally. While he doesn't get into the specifics of repairing any device, Clive does tear downs that show the general techniques you'll use to get inside of different gadgets. Extremely good second screen background noise.

For specific instructions for your device, you should check out ifixit. They have the largest database of tech repair guides online, though something tells me that an open, wiki-style option would be a fantastic idea. They also sell parts and specific tools you may need for a given task.

Sometimes, repairing your tech is as simple as cracking the case and swapping a hidden microSD card for a much larger one, or actually just unplugging one battery and installing a new one (kind of makes you wonder why they say they can't be repaired and glue them down). While I'd argue that most tech can be fixed, there are sadly some things that are just beyond the dedicated hobbyist. Chief among those are airpods and other small devices of that type. While they can certainly be opened and repaired, it's just incredibly fine work and I wouldn't recommend it. If a task seems too daunting for you, try checking with local phone shops to see if they offer repair. The cost of a replacement is usually much greater than the cost of a fix.

If your tech is unusable and in to be replaced, trying to fix it cannot possibly break it more. Give it a go!

[xaveria]

Hey, ignore this if it’s too personal but I recently found out I quite likely have Autism (at the very least on the spectrum). I was wondering if there was anything you found helped you navigate life after your diagnosis (treatment wise or just in general)

tbh one place that really helped me was r/aspergirls which im not sure if it is still called that, but talking to other autistic people anonymously and comparing experiences really helped me feel less alone and helped me get through the wave of "oh my god this explains everything" that happens when you Realize. its been 5 years since i was diagnosed and now i am just like yeah thats just part of who i am.

but dont stress out that you will probably go through a period of Autism Itself being your special interest. im sure this organization has its problems like any other but https://autisticadvocacy.org/ also helped me a lot as a basic resource starting place.

ive heard good things about the book unmasking autism by devon price and neurotribes by steve silberman is kind of the gold standard for an oral history of the autism diagnosis and its place in history

do as much research as you can and good luck friend

[evita-shelby]

A different sort of man

Chapter 6

Gif by: @bimorgana

Taglist:@thegreatdragonfruta @zablife @look-at-the-soul @midnightswithdearkatytspb @cillmequick

Cw:mentions of a past abortion and pregnancy

“Do you think the other you would mind me redecorating this place?”

Alright, so they were drinking, they said the words and fucked after that.

And they did it exactly and they woke up in the same place.

“We already ruined his life, why not?” Tommy ran his hands through his face as he tried to stomach another day in this place.

Gossip had gotten out of hand like a brushfire, now everyone knew that he had cheated on his wife not even a week after the wedding with a widow two years younger and far richer than her.

Even worse, Lady Smallbrook had allegedly fucked her husband to death.

Had these been strangers, Tommy and Eva would be riveted to follow this scandal from a respectable distance, but they were the suddenly infamous Mr. Shelby and his mistress, Lady Smallbrook and living the nightmare it was.

Section D had briefly reconsidered their contract until Eva decided to turn the tables on them. They were undefeatable, especially now that Eva’s magic is somehow stronger now.

She had managed to find their deepest secrets, all their allies and wore the cursed sapphire like a weapon.

It kills its wearer, now it kills those who wish its wearer harm.

Not even God himself was going to stop her from killing that fucking priest.

It has been ten fucking days since Eva woke up in a universe where not only she is married with a boy of nearly three, she is also pregnant.

The other Eva hadn’t known yet, or if she did, she hadn’t been sure.

“Congratulations, Mr. Shelby.” The doctor ---who she pretends to know--- gives her not-husband the wonderful diagnosis after Eva had a fainting spell propelled by tweaking the curse on the sapphires. “If I were a betting man, I would wager it’s a girl.”

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

She likes children, does fine with them as Thomas has seen with Carlitos, but this is something she is not ready for.

Motherhood.

The one thing she has been avoiding these past four years is happening and Eva does not have the luxury of discarding the parasite inside her with tansy like she did with the one last year.

“Another one that is mine and yet isn’t.” he said pouring himself a drink.

They had been trying not to fall into old habits, but somewhere between the memories of a future they could have had and their own wretched melancholy, they had sought comfort in the only way they seemed to know.

He is a little tame, but Eva knows no other person has made her feel this way in a long time.

No wonder the other her was so loath to part with her Thomas Shelby.

“Please, you are not the one denied the luxury of choice.” She said fighting the urge to ask for a drink.

“When do you think we can try again?” Shelby asked looking out the window out of habit.

“Next full moon. We have to do everything they did and pray the other two do the same.” The witch answered with a pout.

Tommy and Eva Shelby had been drinking, joked about what their lives would have been if she had never ratted Grace out and fucked around the same time this Thomas had wondered how different his life would have been if he had offered Eva a ride home that morning and regretted ever seeking Grace in London that night.

A shame that it didn’t occur to Eva that maybe the missing ingredient was another full moon and a fuck.

“Once we get back, I can introduce you to some lawyers who could get you your son back.” The perks of being made of money and having as many connections as a spider web has silk.

Her cousin, favorite cousin in fact, had plenty lawyer friends on both sides of the Atlantic especially now that he was the Chief Lawyer for the Family.

And if Ignacio can’t work his lawyer magic, there was Santiago and Tio Patricio’s lover, Frida ‘Florence’ Solomons, to ensure Shelby gets his boy back.

“At least argue for visitation rights on account of her telling you and your family the boy was yours.” She amends when he shook his head at the suggestion of literally removing the boy from Grace’s custody.

“I can fight my own battles, Lady Smallbrook.” He said making sure she knows he doesn’t want to be in debt to another rich overlord.

“Not offering to fight it for you, Tom. Merely offering to fight it beside you.” She said before adding. “As a friend.”

A friend who has held him as he cried from nightmares and pretending to be his wife all while the universe screams at them saying this is the happiness you denied yourself that day.

“Alright, but I get to choose how and who we fight.” He agrees after glancing at the lighter engraved with a quote by Yeats.

God, why does that feel like a declaration of love?

[wondercourse]

Hi. Excuse an anecdote, I just started thinking about something related to my fucking rollercoaster of an experience re: being Wonder. This isn't going to really have a point more than just being me sharing my experiences and thoughts.

Something weird that I'm realizing is that…I think the people I used to spend time with (online, in syscourse spaces) in high school would genuinely hate to see me not only openly questioning the nature of the plurality of a part of my system, but doing so in a way that's not fearful of it possibly not being traumagenic.

I definitely was, at first, because I am always learning. Even going into this account having been pro-"stop dehumanizing people into their stances", I was still learning. I am still learning. I still have a lot to learn. I was a hardcore anti-endo, and in the spaces I was in, your worth was pretty much determined by if you were being a system "right". Even after leaving these spaces, I carried these ideas with me subconsciously.

I kept thinking about how it'd affect how people saw me and the legitimacy of my words. I made a post around when I first made this blog about how identifying this layer as quoigenic—a term that I still vibe with but choose not to use for reasons mentioned later—meant that people were labeling me in their heads, and I claimed that it didn't bother me.

It did. Not as much as it would've when I was in high school (god, I should NOT have been involved in syscourse back then, still being in an actively traumatizing situation was not doing me any favors), but it did.

This isn't to say that I've completely solved the problem. I spent six years in echo chambers, being told that the experience I'm having right now made people inherent enemies to those with CDDs. There are even people who, alarmingly, think that traumagenic systems who are pro-endo (or lean that way) are just claiming such so they can get in with the antis and change their opinions—which, by the way, is a take I saw TODAY. Changing one's stance is already scary enough as is. Finding out that you could also, in part, be the antithesis of something you believed for half a decade? That these parts of you could be tge "enemy" of your own disorder, in that outdated view? Yikes!

However, the discovery of Wonder, the reaction of my treatment team to Wonder, and learning more about the infinite nuance of plurality as it relates to CDDs through this has made me realize that it doesn't matter what people think of me or my situation. Because…it's mine. And it is what it is.

I'm slowly but surely gaining confidence in the worth of my words within syscourse and sysconversation. In the background, there's a little bit of trying to figure out what's going on with us as Wonder, but it's in less of a "HOLY SHIT WHAT IF THIS ISN'T TRAUMAGENIC?!" way and more of a "Well, we're here, and we're gonna be here. So we'll treat ourselves like we're here" way that my therapist has also adopted (I do have a DID diagnosis and I'm in treatment for it). Which has led to me discovering so much nuance to my experience that where I wanted to label it before, I feel like now it might not be able to be labeled at all. And I don't really want to. I'm me! We're me! We're Wonder! And that's pretty cool on its own.

Like I said, this ramble, like…doesn't really have a point. Maybe just to put my experience out there. I guess the three main takeaways are this:

People can and do change, but a part of that is not being bombarded with information and being given the space to form their own opinion and then find people to discuss it with.

Your form of plurality and/or syscourse stance do not define your worth.

Take syscovery of any kind at your own pace. Especially if it's new to you. You don't have to rush to the answers (in fact I've found that both in and outside of the CDD context they come easier if you don't brute force them).

You're you (or perhaps even y'all)! That's pretty cool. I hope you're having a nice day.

Yeah! Rambles over, I'm gonna go make dinner. :3

[junowritings]

Baldur gate matchups :0000000000

Cool nouns: he/she

Gender pref: no pref :0

Zodiac: Aries sun, Leo moon, libra rising

MBTI: intj-a

How I describe myself: huge nerd, collector of stupid shit, I am both the golden retriever boyfriend and goth girlfriend in one genderless human shaped mass. Girl kisser and dilf enjoyer (deadass men my age freak me out a little but…. dilfs….. explodes)

Hobbies: Digital art, web design, cooking, video games, reading,

How other people describe me (/pos):

- “you feel act like the embodiment of a mango monster”

- “The fact that of all of us (in reference to the polycule) you don’t have an autisim diagnosis is more of a jumpscare than you being ginger”

- “You could tell me the sky is hot pink and if you said it with the same conviction you say most things I’d trust you completely on it.”

Character flaws? Idk how to phrase this without it reading as self deprecating- issues I know I have that would inevitably be relevant to knowing me.

- I lack both empathy and sympathy almost completely, which makes me absolutely horrid at comforting people unless they want practical, logic driven solutions.

- I have a bad habit of seeing my solutions as the only viable solution, even if it’s been proven to be wrong/ineffective

- I can be incredibly arrogant (bordering on elitist) about the topics I am passionate about

- I form strong opinions of people quickly, and they are extremely difficult to shake (a bad first impression with me usually ends in a distain so strong I inconvenience myself to avoid said person, and it’s just as hard to convince me someone I like has done something wrong without extremely concrete proof, and even then I’m inclined to forgive them.)

Love language: gifts!! Usually art, or trinkets and cooking.

Miscellaneous and potentially unnecessary facts about me:

- I really like terraria

- I’m allergic to sunlight (literally)

- My bed is more categorically akin to a nest

- I’m completely nocturnal (re: sunlight)

- I’m also allergic to gluten, milk, eggs, pollen, grass, mold, citrus, red meat, cats, and dogs.

- My cats name is Fortnite Battlepass

- One of the name ideas for him was Dollarama

- I own a student grade microscope

- My favourite passtime is drawing pathetic men happy and in love

- I have Gale’s orb scar as a tattoo

Uhhhhh that’s it :0 if there’s anything specific you wanna know (or if you want pictures of my cat and/or tattoo) you’re more than welcome to ask!!

Match up time! Gotta say Fortnite Battlepass is adorable and only cemented who I decided to go with in the end! Which is,,,

So get this, two nerdy golden retriever partners walk into a tavern-

Okay but seriously, is it any wonder that Gale ends up so absolutely taken with you? 

The moment he sees your collection Gale wants to hear about it. There’s nothing quite like amassing a collection of things that bring you joy and make you happy, and he’ll gladly listen to you ramble about it if you’re comfortable to - where you got them, how long you’ve been collecting, what’s the most treasured part of your collection. These are just some of the things he’d query you on, all the while taking the time to admire your collection if you have it on display or bring it out to show him. 

He's actually got a fair collection himself, though his penchant for magical item consumption may have dwindled his display far more than he would have liked - alas desperate times had called for desperate measures back then. It’s honestly very validating to have someone show that kind of interest; though thanks to his curious nature you two may be stuck in this discussion for a couple of hours. It’s fascinating though! So who can really blame the guy? 

Will actively add to the stuff you collect so get ready to expand the space for them; one of his love languages is gift giving - so if that means getting you some of the weirdest stuff you’ve ever seen for your collection just to make you smile? By the gods he’d gift you something every other day if he could - thankfully Tara’s quick to curb that before he gets over excited and offers to refurbish an entire room in his tower back home for your stuff.

I don’t know if Gale would technically count as a dilf, being on the middle/younger side of the dilf scale (I hc like mid 30’s.) BUT he’s got the soft dad bod, bad puns, a couple grey streaks AND Tara so in my heart I would say this man is on the road to qualify.

Gale would be fascinated to see you at your computer, be it creating art or working on the code for your web pages. You’re practically working a magic of your own on your computer screen, confident in your ability to create and finishing off every piece you create with a level of detail and care that he’s sure very few people can even begin to replicate. And gods if there isn’t anything more attractive to him than someone who knows their craft and is passionate about it.

I hope you’re prepared for an audience because Gale will watch you work, leaning against the back of your chair with his head upon yours or your shoulder the whole time. You’ll have to warn him a couple times not to get too close to the screen because if he gets any closer you’re gonna struggle to see what you’re doing. When it comes to your web page designing, he would try and take up learning from you if you ever offer to teach him some basics - Gale would jump at the chance, actually. The guy’s a dream to teach, but also has a tendency to ramble as he tries to figure out whatever you’re trying to teach him. He also has a bad habit of getting overconfident, which when it comes to coding with him is a surefire way for the thing to blow up in his face (thankfully not literally.)

He absolutely LOVES cooking together. This man spent months being one of the only relatively decent cooks in the tadpole party so he’s got a decent list of recipes under his belt for each of their dietary requirements. Give him a couple times, let him learn what you can and can’t have and what foods you prefer, and he’ll make something pleasantly edible - not always perfect, but damn if it isn’t tasty. May or may not have a mental list of your favourite meals that he’d remembered from passing conversations. He certainly doesn’t use this as a means to surprise you or impress you whenever he invites you over (of course he does). The pair of you might occasionally butt heads over who cooks since he has a tendency to hover around in the kitchen trying to do stuff even if he’s not the one cooking that time.

It’s no secret that Gale’s bread and butter is books and tomes of all design and creed - hells he has an entire section of his home dedicated to his collection. He’ll happily give you recommendations and gift you books that you’ve expressed interest in without a second thought; he’s just chuffed to have someone who shares in this kind of pastime! If you guys are together around the time he does return home, he’ll ask for your company to sort through all of his books together. Sure it may not be the most riveting activity unless you’re really interested in what secret books he’s had stashed in his shelves all of these years; but it means a lot to him to have you there with him the whole time as he (quite literally) rearranges his life now that he’s home. There are some books that while he’ll still keep, they’re better off somewhere else than the main room - like the tomes and scrolls and forgotten texts once dredged up in desperate pursuits better left in the past. He’ll gladly let you fill in those gaps with books of your own, to create a space in his home that’s full of you - he can think of nothing better that would occupy that space than you.

Okay, so that one comment about the sky? Yeah, that’s Gale. While Gale’s not the kind of person to go blindly trusting everything someone says, there’s that conviction in the way that you say things that somehow makes him fall for it every time. If you ever did turn around and tell him that the sky was hot pink it’d earn you an amused snort and a sarcastic ‘haha very funny’ as he looks up from whatever he’s doing. But you’re the one who gets the last laugh because he’s the one casting a ‘subtle’ glance towards the window not even a minute later, only to be met with your knowing grin the moment he turns back. Just don’t let the others know that you’ve got that kinda one up on him, because I’m telling you now - Astarion and Shadowheart? Yeah they’ll be insisting to know how you get that kinda conviction to use on the poor man later.

While I can see Gale as the comforting type when the circumstances require, I also believe that having a partner like you who can ground him back to reality with logical solutions and practical reasoning is exactly what he needs. It’s so easy for him to get lost within the confines of his own thoughts, to allow things to become too much of a mess for him to pick apart and deal with on his own. But you’re a welcome hand, there to unravel the threads pulling taught on his mind with discussions of solutions and things that he can put into action in the here and now. That is comfort in its own way, even if you may not realise it.

As previously stated gift giving is one of Gale’s love languages, so given that you’re very much the same, that idea of making a room in his house just for you may not be such a far fetched idea anymore. His gifts centre around your current interests and fixations - he’s got a good ear for listening out to find what you need and get what makes you happiest. Expect more than a few magical items though - protective accessories for when he’s not at your side, or even items with silly magical effects that he knows will get a chuckle out of you once you realise what they do. Gets flustered under the same treatment however - your gifts are precious, and he feels like no matter where he puts them there’s not a good enough place to show them off and admire them. Always gets this lovestruck little look on his face each time he passes by one of your gifts in the day to day, running his hands along them like the mere touch of them is enough to brighten his very soul.

Hope there’s room enough in that nest for two because Gale doesn’t mind in the slightest. But he will help you to make it more comfortable - comfier blankets, softer pillows for extra cushion; this man spent at least a couple years falling asleep in places around his home that weren’t his bed so he knows the importance of making it as comfortable a place as possible for you (and his joints).

Comes as no surprise that he LOVES your cat, and it’s also no surprise that he’ll spoil the guy as much as humanly possible. Fortnite Battlepass quickly becomes one of the most pampered cats this side of Faerun, not just because of all the treats Gale likes to think he’s being sneaky about giving him, but because of the fact his tower is a cat paradise. Not to mention that cats usually warm up to Gale very quickly - guy’s a magnet because more often than not you’ll find Gale in the middle of work with Fortnite Battlepass flopped across his lap or desk, or lounging over his shoulder like a purring slinky.

The first time he sees your tattoo you can see several stages of panic go through his face in an attempt to remain calm about the situation. He visibly relaxes when you explain, no, it’s not actually an orb scar but a tattoo. Very much a ‘same hat’ moment for your tattoo and his own scar. Depending on where the tattoo is and if you’re comfortable with it, you may find him occasionally brushing his fingers over your tattoo, calloused fingertips following the inky tendrils that curl away from the main circle in the centre. Please do the same with his scar, you’ll basically turn the man to mush in your hands seeing you pay any kind of love and attention to a mark which once caused him such pain.

[prettybbychim]

i’ve never like thought about the future or what i want for myself

when it’s drilled into you that the world is going to end and be reborn ever since the day you were conceived..there’s no point in hoping or dreaming or wondering. i was actively discouraged from doing so

you can’t go to college, you must live simply and never strive for more, you must dedicate your life in service to god, you must only worship god, learn more about him, and teach others - there is no place for hobbies, goals, or interests outside of Him.

get baptized, then full time ministry, then get a job only to support your ministry work, then get married, then preach side by side with your spouse, then teach your children in these ways.

the only acceptable form of higher education was learning a trade to work at the world headquarters

i never liked any of that. so i didn’t think about that. but i also didn’t think about what else there could be. i haven’t thought about my life beyond becoming an adult and then there’s a blurry space until the world is wiped clean

i haven’t thought about even moving out of my parents’ house. that’s treacherous unknown waters. it’s super fucking scary

idk what i thought was going to happen, if i was just gonna coast along until i die. i know logically i can’t and i don’t want to either

18 years of there’s no point, all your efforts are worthless, and god will wipe all your achievements away in the end. just a worker bee to spread the message of doom with no conceivable end date

i was talking with my therapist about possibly maybe applying for section 8 housing so i can get out of this house of traumatic memories and to stop living w these people because they only cause me distress.

i genuinely think i would be in a better mental state if i had those two things. i feel pretty good in the depression department actually, for what feels like the first time ever.

but this house and my family keep dragging me down into the deep.

i have other issues, yeah. namely my physical health, anxiety and adhd, money. i’m at least working towards bettering those things, trying to get a diagnosis or treatment while doing the work i can right now

i really think those things would be easier to manage if my own home wasn’t sucking the life out of me

then i come back to the no future outlook. to get away, i have to actually get away. i have to actually move out, change my life i’ve settled into, enter a world that was beaten into me that i can’t do that, i shouldn’t do that, there’s no point, it’s a sin and a disgrace.

i just get stuck at this point, just so fucking afraid to even entertain the thought of change, of doing anything with my life, even when i know their teachings were horseshit, that it’s okay to do those things

i know it’s okay to make friends. but i freeze at any opportunity because everyone outside the religion is bad and sinful and will perish.

what do i want? i don’t know. what do i like? i don’t know. who am i? i don’t know.

you know what i want? what my dream is?

i want to live in a small apartment with a roommate who doesn’t hate me.

it took me four years to realize that and admit it and i still feel deep shame over it

i still wonder, is this a normal human experience? am i dramatizing a common occurrence? is this simply a part of growing up? am i freaking out over nothing?

i feel like i am. i don’t know if i am

[actualbird]

// main story 10 spoilers

finished main story 10 today and came here like i need to know what zak reptilianraven actualbird thinks about this!!! because everything drove me insane!!!

like I didn't REALIZE it was luke cause i thought it was like the episode opening cont. and not a different scene where the story actually starts. so when he showed up and started agent raven-ing i actually yelped in surprise. MY POOKIE IS HERE???

and I'm so happy that we actually got more of a glimpse into the guys' other activities!! i think the reason they isolated mc in ms9 is more to focus on her personal doubts and how those are playing into the story as we see in ms10 (all the talks with artem and her internal monologues like OHHHHH my sweet baby girl (not babygirl but baby girl iykwim). but i did enjoy seeing what everyone else was getting into while we were busy and shit.

(also no followup to the luke thing but everyone is busy. and im pretty sure rosa thinks it's a chronic illness that's gonna be with him forever not one that's gonna kill him in a few years)

the prank with artem??? celestine u big brain. the lift prank?? hilarious. his cn va did so good i laughed so hard at his voice trying to be scary.

artem and vyn doing Undercover Sneaky Guy Shit was so hot actually. like yes pretend to be a hot villain to the lady ur in love with and be Angry and Mean because they almost killed her :) hot.

although what we've learned about vyn this chapter is actually God Damn what the fuck did he do in his past life to not only be born to separated parents as a mixed child where one is Svartan Royalty and the other is like Stellis Mafia. no wonder he's like that. matthew richter was gorgeous i cannot imagine how stunning his mother is. i will Die once i see her.

marius didn't get as much of a focus but heheh. this is so good. delicious. yummy. More Vyn and Marius Rivalry material. he's so hot when he's being a boss but also he was so sweet and silly about sending us the info. marius 4lyfe i was obsessed with his every scene

all in all im glad that it doesn't seem to be the nxx actually being divided but the plot is getting thick and they're spreading out to deal with separate roots. teamwork <3

oh god this got so long i apologize for being so rambly. i will now close this off with JEROME WHEN I CATCH YOU JEROME. JEROME WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!!

// main story 10 spoilers

WAHHH hello hello!! lemme go through all of these one by one because i do indeed have some thoughts on it all

on luke being the waiter: ME TOO ME TOO I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GONNA BE LUKE BUT WHEN IT WAS I WAS LIKE OH BOY. OH MY SWEET BOY //Raven Mode Activates. OH MY HOT RUTHLESS BOY

on the other boys’ activities: yesssss i adored this too. i love it in any main story chapter when we have like little scene breaks away from the main boy of the chapter to show what the others are up to cuz then those differing threads eventually come together to wrap themselves up again

on luke’s illness: NOW THAT U MENTION IT…..THAT MAKES SENSE, SHE PROBLY DOES THINK IT’S CHRONIC AND NOT TERMINAL. my memory is bad, but yeah im not sure if luke actually fessed that part of his diagnosis/prognosis, he just said he was sick. i think if she did know it was currently deemed to be terminal, she would be much much more worried about it

on the prank with artem: that entire elevator scene is seared into my brain with how hilarious it was. the cn va needs an award for that. he was so good at acting like he was bad at acting jkhVKJAHVFKAJHF

on artem and vyn sneaky guy shit: as disturbing as The Sauna and The Auction were, artem and vyn were—and i cannot stress this enough—SO COOL IN THEIR ACTING. the oscar award goes to them. my favorite bit in the sauna scene was when vyn told mc to threaten him like HOO BOY he knows how to stage a SCENE

on vyn’s family: YEAH I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE REINA RICHTER TOO GOSSSHHH and yeah in general vyn’s family situation is so horrendously complicated on both sides now jsdfhsvlBJKL. i have nothing to say about this because im honestly rather behind on reading vyn’s cards (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED HIS SECOND ANNIV YET…..OR ANYBODY ELSE’S ASIDE FROM LUKE’S AHAHSKHJFJSH) so im not in the best position to be talking that in depth about it til ive experienced more of the Lore

on marius being so hot being a boss: marius is indeed so hot when being a boss

on the nxx schism (?): yeah yeah i also got that vibe too!! from ms9’s sheer hostility, ms10 was much more relaxed, probably because none of the boys interacted with each other as much. but i also wonder if ms9’s intense hostility was caused in part because luke was the main partner for that, and he was going through a Pretty Tough And Frustrating Time. here, since there wasnt any interaction between the boys (even between vyn and artem, who were both at the auction. it was ogier who led mc to artem) there wasnt any scene for the prior hostility to play out. so right now, im unsure if this means that the nxx schism is still happening or that we simply didnt get a chance to see it again in action, so it’s got me very interested for how things will play out in the next story, especially now that marius Knows What He Knows

on jerome: on gods we gotta get eVERY CHILD THE FUCK AWAY FROM JEROME ADAMS!!!!!!!

thank you for the ask :D

[jemstarearrings]

S01E07: Starbright Part 2: Colliding Stars

While watching this episode and taking my notes, I immediately got derailed within the first minute. We pick up from the last episode in the ophthalmologist's office and learn Ba Nee has a wonderfully vague condition only described as "a degenerative eye condition."

This is not a diagnosis and describes at least half a dozen disorders.

Narrowing it down to disorders that can affect children and match the presented symptoms, the most likely condition Ba Nee has is cataracts; a clouding of the lens of the eye. Now I'm no doctor, but here's what I learned about cataracts AND cataract surgery within 20 minutes on the Internet:

The first cataract surgery was performed in 1747 with a 50% success rate, which only improved over time.

Without insurance, a double-eye cataract surgery and lens replacement can cost as little as $3,200.

Medicaid (signed into law in 1965, 21 years before the show) covers cataract surgery and lens replacement.

Foster homes have Medicaid, and Starlight Home is a foster home for girls.

TL;DR Ba Nee doesn’t need a $250,000 experimental surgery and could probably get her relatively common eye problem fixed for free or for a reduced cost through the state.

Forget the Misfits, the real villain of this episode is Ba Nee’s doctor:

Anyway, back to the other 21 minutes of the episode.

Thanks to a series of setbacks, the Holograms have to return to the movie to earn the money to save Ba Nee’s sight, and man is it hard watching the crew gossip about the Holograms. Even Rio’s a jerk when they come back and uggghhhh God I can’t stand Rio in this episode.

I get that Rio's supposed to have a sad backstory or whatever, but for every one thing he does that makes you like him, he does 5 more things that make you hate him. When he isn't saving the day like Superman, he's assaulting people, yelling at his girlfriend, cheating on his girlfriend WITH his girlfriend, and judging everyone as if he has any moral high ground. Then when his tantrum subsides, he has to go sulk in the corner until the plot needs him again.

Honestly, cringey teenage me who thought she would treat Jem better was probably right. A potted plant could treat Jem better than Rio does. Oh wait...

My favorite part of this episode though has to be the hologram logistics. Jerrica has to be both herself and Jem only a couple feet from one another and has to switch back and forth so her physical body can interact with the right people. It’s fantastic when hologram Jerrica can’t pick up a script thrown through her torso and she reacts like Jerrica naturally would. Synergy’s programming really is that impressive, and it’s just amazing.

I also can’t help but think, y’know, part of me sees stuff like this and wants to go “How did nobody notice that,” but it reminds me of something my aunt once told me a long time ago: We see weird things happen all the time, but we rationalize it away with more “realistic” answers. Those weird shadows by the road at night aren’t highway trolls, they’re probably racoons or plants blowing in the wind. The glasses you lost in the car didn’t fall into another universe, they probably just fell into a crevice you can’t reach. The person standing next to you didn’t disappear because she was a hologram projected remotely by the earrings of someone nearby, she just stepped out of your line of sight for a moment.

Makes you wonder how often crazy, unrealistic things actually happen right in front of you but your brain tells you it’s something more understandable so you don’t notice.

On a less schizo note before the Misfits Crime Counter commences, I also have to ask; what the fuck is Starbright even about?? There’s a casino scene, a jungle temple with a fight against pirates, a chase through the forest, and a motorcycle ride through the desert between explosions. The music videos aren’t even diagetic, they’re set in space or abstract neon futuristic backdrops with fire spouts. Is it some kind of space opera? That’s the only possible explanation I can give that would string all the scenes together correctly and it still doesn’t seem right.

idk someone go tweet at Christy Marx and let’s get a real answer lol

Eric makes Jem perform dangerous stunts with none of the safety precautions met. This is a good ol’ fashioned OSHA violation and runs Eric a hefty fine of $70,000.

Roxy and Clash sabotage the pyrotechnics with the intent to hurt Kimber, and had Jeff not acted valiantly Kimber could actually have died. This counts as Attempted Voluntary Manslaughter, earning both Roxy and Clash 11 years in prison and $10,000 fines each.

TOTAL CHARGES: $90,000 and 22 years in prison. Still not as much as Ba Nee’s “experimental eye surgery,” which goes to show that the true villains were the ophthalmologists we met along the way.

[giraffefeather]

Hi, I'm drunk on wine and too deep in astrology, read more included as a courtesy.

Everything makes so much sense. Like I was one of the "Ooh astrology is so cool but totally not real" girlies, but uh...

Quick reference: I am pisces sun, gemini moon, aquarius rising. And right off the bat, I always notice before anyone else when I start talking too much (gemini stereotype) and always question if I'm being manipulative or not (hi again, bad side of gemini) but try so so hard not to (oh hey, there you are pisces). I can never pick a goddamn side in an argument (ahem, pisces? gemini? both known to see both or all sides). Meanwhile, I attract the "outcasts," for lack of better word - the people that don't always fit in (hello aquarius, ya weird little noodle).

Okay but then we have the VENUS. God, the amount of times I questioned if I was asexual, but then dated friends and thought no... thats not right... must be demi. And then I'll enjoy sex for a while, get really obsessed for like a week. but get bored of it and move on to something else. And I'm thinking... huh, is this autism? Adhd? Perhaps. But ALSO have you read up on venus in aquarius? That bastard is 100% on my love life.

Hi, quick disclaimer. I absolutely believe neurodivergency is something not assigned by the stars. It is a separate matter entirely. I am NOT diagnosed with anything, and although I have tendencies that align with both autism and adhd, it does not affect my daily life enough to seek diagnosis. I just think it's interesting that it may not be a true neurodivergency in my case, but just aligning with my signs.

I skipped mercury, hold up, that's aquarius too. It fits, but it's boring. Except the bit I read where they dislike schedules, especially if paired with a Pisces sun (hello, called me out).

And I was so mad that my Mars was in leo, thinking no no no, I can't have a Leo anywhere in my chart, that's not right! Bitch, it fits. All of it. 100% turn into a Leo when I'm angry. Other parts of Mars (motivation, sex, etc) seem to be muted by the rest of my signs, but anger? Aggression? Yikes, hello Leo loud intensity.

And I just think it's interesting that my least favorite sign (Capricorn... sorry, I just have met too many manipulative Caps) is also my Uranus and Neptune.

But back to my favorite sign (Aquarius!), I have 3 of those fuckers and I wonder if it's why I always love other Aquas. Or of it's just because my dad is an Aqua sun. But my mom is a Taurus sun and while I never thought I had attachment to the sign (I love my mom, I just see her flaws too), my best friend growing up was a Taurus, and that's the sign I can spot a mile away. Hell, I worked with someone who reminded me so much of my mom, that it didn't even surprise me when I found they shared a birthday. I wa just like oh... yeah that makes sense, you're basically the same person.

And following true Pisces comparability, I've been dating a Virgo for 7 years. Since day 1, I've been saying we're opposites but it works. And then find out that's one of the most recommended pairings for a Pisces sun for that exact reason. To balance each other out. And as Virgo is literally the only sign not to be found on my chart, i need that energy in my life. Funny, I always used to love libras before him. But isn't that just typical of libras - their allure? And I would kill for an Aqua friend, please someone come talk to me about conspiracies and cryptic!

I still need to delve into Jupiter and beyond, see if those actually fit. I'm starting to suspect they will.

But what if that's just my pisces dreaming, understanding every sign so that of course whatever I have fits? Then... do we question that I fit the pisces personality too? Or am I just a wishy-washy person, and believe everything?

Interesting that a simple Google search reveals so much about the signs too... and not even with the info available. I've found that there's so many hits if you search pisces, possibly more than any other sign. Gemini has plenty, too. But Leo? Sagittarius? A huge decline in results. And if looking at images on Google, its even more pronounced. Pisces and Gemini have so many artistic interpretations. Leo? I found like... 1 cool lion. Compared to the millions of fish and mermaid art with pisces.