#and then people always complain when what they've told themselves is going to happen doesn't

[hawkinslibrary]

there's a new article out about the play. i think it's paywalled for people outside of the us, so here's a twitter thread with screenshots. i've also typed it all out under the cut here:

LONDON – Next month, the Upside Down extends its tentacles into London’s West End with “Stranger Things: The First Shadow,” a prequel stage production that expands the world of Netflix’s sci-fi/horror blockbuster. 

And the creative team behind it hopes the play will be as groundbreaking as the series itself.  

“We’re about to bring the actors, who’ve just been in this cocoon of a rehearsal room for seven weeks, into [the theater],” producer Sonia Friedman says of “The First Shadow,” which is set to open Noc. 17 at the Phoenix Theatre. “We’ve been making sure it can stand alone without the special effects, because it’s all about story. We are going to blow people’s minds. We are going to terrify with some of the most startling, extraordinary things with the physical production.” 

The project originated with director Stephen Daldry, who approached Netflix’s then-content chief Cindy Holland after the show’s first season aired.  

“One of the conversations Stephen and I had been having was, ‘What theater have we ever seen where you get genuinely scared?’” Daldry’s co-director Justin Martin says. “It was an interesting challenge and provocation. We talked about other [Netflix] titles, but this one felt like the most imaginative and the most challenging to try and find a stage language for.” 

“The goal was to figure out, what does a mega episode of ‘Stranger Things’ look like on stage?” adds Matt Duffer, who created the series with brother Ross. “It was a very long, multi-year process to figure that out. But where they’ve landed is incredibly exciting.” 

For the Duffers, the idea of expanding the “Stranger Things” universe in new forms was an exciting prospect. They're currently working on several spinoff shows, including a children’s animated series and an anime series. The play exists on its own, but it also informs the narrative and characters fans know.  

“The idea was to explore Henry Creel and his backstory and fill in a gap that we don’t explore in Season 4,” Ross Duffer says of the villain also known as Vecna. “The play was being developed simultaneously with us writing Season 4 so we were adjusting as we went. It was an interesting way to develop a story, but to do it concurrently like that made sure everything locks in mythology-wise.” 

Development on “The First Shadow” began during Season 2. Daldry approached Friedman after seeing the magic and spectacle in her company’s production of “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child” at London’s Palace Theatre. The creative team spent time brainstorming the story during the early months of the pandemic with screenwriter Jack Thorne, but eventually decided they needed someone who knew the series intimately. 

Kate Trefry, a writer on “Stranger Things” since Season 2, was an obvious choice for Daldry, despite the fact that she’d never written a play before.  

“Season 2 is really when we started to expand this world and mythology,” Ross Duffer says. “So Kate knows that as well as us. She's been with us in the trenches for so many years that we were so happy that she had this opportunity to do this.” 

From early on, no one wanted to simply remake the first season. Daldry wanted the story to be what Martin calls “in the center of the conversation,” rather than a secondary narrative, so a prequel made the most sense. 

“When we met with Stephen we had just cracked this Henry Creel stuff in the writers room,” Ross Duffer says. “We said, ‘Well there might be an opening here.’ And Stephen really fell in love with it.” 

“There are questions of ‘Why Hawkins?’ and ‘How did all this stuff happen?’” Martin adds, referring to the show’s fictional Indiana town, which becomes a hotbed of supernatural activity. “This felt like a good way to address that.”  

“The First Shadow,” set in Hawkins in 1959, is told over two chapters. Several familiar characters appear, including Bob Newby, Joyce Maldonado and Jim Hopper, who are in their last year of high school when a new student named Henry Creel arrives. Nearby, Dr. Brenner is getting his start in his lab. There are also new characters, like Bob’s sister Patty Newby. Trefry calls it an ensemble play with Henry Creel as the “spine” of the story. Beyond that, everyone involved is as tight-lipped about the plot as they are about the forthcoming grand finale of the Netflix original. 

“It’s about outsider kids who come together to solve a mystery,” Martin says. “And in doing so find themselves and each other. That's really ultimately what ‘Stranger Things’” does so well and why so many people connect with it.” 

Trefry adds that it’s also “about the loss of innocence and coming of age and how you are changed and ruined and saved by these formative events that happened in high school.” 

“So, hopefully, you’ll see that Hopper and Joyce and Bob are all presenting echoes of the trauma that is at the center of this play,” she says. 

In the first season of “Stranger Things,” Joyce, Bob and Hopper seem surprised by what’s going on in Hawkins. But Trefry confirms there’s an explanation for why they don’t immediately connect it to their high school years.  

“The climactic events that happen within these two stage episodes had to be something that could be written off as not magical or science fiction,” she says. “It had to be spectacular and make sense, but we had to go forward in honesty with our characters.” 

As a TV series, “Stranger Things” has a recognizable aesthetic. The Upside Down and its monsters are familiar to viewers, so a stage version needed to incorporates similar visuals.  

Because Trefry had never written a play, she didn’t worry about whether certain effects or scenes would be possible, which upped the ante for everyone included.  

“She cross-cut scenes as she would in the show and wrote crazy visual effects sequences as she would in the show,” Matt Duffer says. “She wasn’t limited by that because it then just presented a challenge for Stephen to solve, which is fun. The opening sequence of the play -- I don’t think anyone even knew if it was possible. I'm still not sure how they’re doing it.” 

Friedman and Daldry put together a notably skilled creative team. Friedman set the bar high from the outset, telling them, “I need to be taken to a new dimension of what is possible with theater.” 

That team includes illusions design and visual effects artists Jamie Harrison and Chris Fisher, who are responsible for the onstage magic in “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.” Harrison and Fisher spent nearly a year coming up with the effects in “The First Shadow” and have continues perfecting things during rehearsals. 

“It’s very pressurized because there is nothing worse than a bad effect because the audience knows straight away,” Harrison says. “We have to go through quite a lot of watching our work be quite bumpy before it gets smooth. And we have to bring the actors from zero magic skill to being very expert in a condensed period of time.” 

“When you have the world of ‘Stranger Things,’ people know it,” Fisher adds. “They have those big sequences, so we naturally are creating big sequences. We’ve pushed it and I think by us pushing, the directors and Kate have pushed us even more and said, ‘Now we know you can do that, we want this.’” 

As a series “Stranger Things” relies on CGI alongside practical effects, but onstage everything has to be done for real. 59 Productions are creating the video design and visual effects for the play, which will work in tandem with the illusions and Miriam Buether’s set design. Harrison says that “anything that can be achieved in film can be achieved in theater.” 

“In film, people want absolute reality,” Harrison says. “For the effects to be visually real. In the theater, we have a level of imagination that we can use as well. For example, in the piece we’re creating there are a lot more blood and guts.” 

Trefry adds that the stage show is genuinely terrifying. “It’s scary like ‘Stranger Things’ is scary,” she says. “There’s a little bit of like guts and gore, and then there’s also real trauma – people dealing with real stuff.” 

Other elements of the production will hint at the series as well. For instance, Harrison and Fisher met with the creature designer from the series during their design process to ensure “visual continuity,” although they won’t say which creatures appear in the play. And D.J. Walde’s original music recreates the familiar synth theme song with a theremin that matches the late 1950s setting.  

For the Duffers, bringing the “Stranger Things” universe to life on stage satisfies their love of practical effects.  

“The downside of CGI is that the audience is conditioned to the fact that we can basically do anything,” Matt Duffer says. “But there’s something about seeing it actually done. When I saw ‘Cursed Child,’ my jaw was dropping in a way it rarely does now with these big movies. We want to do the same here.” 

Because Trefry wrote the play while Season 4 was in development, the series’ writers were able to retrofit elements of that season to reflect the stage show. The events of the play will also help to “enrich” Season 5, Matt Duffer says.  

“There’s a ton of conversation and dialogue between this play and the events that happen in Season 5,” Trefry says of the final season, which is over halfway written. “It was about trying to create something that is canon, but where you don’t have to see it to see Season 5. But if you do see it, it’ll make Season 5 better.” 

“There are hints of where [the show] is going to go,” Ross Duffer adds. “I think when [Season] 5 comes together, all of those pieces will hopefully click.” 

“The First Shadow” tickets are currently on sale through Aug. 25, 2024, although Friedman confirms the case signed one-year contracts and the production is open-ended. The plan is to bring the play to Broadway and the rest of the U.S. as soon as possible.  

“Hopefully it can get to as many places as it can so as many fans as possible can experience it,” Matt Duffer says. “That’s one thing we’re trying to figure out: How do we make sure people are able to see it before Season 5 releases?” 

“The First Shadow” marks the beginning of a broader universe for “Stranger Things.” The Duffers say they can’t “focus on the spinoffs until we’re landed the plan with Season 5,” but so far they’ve enjoyed letting other artists re-imagine their ideas. 

“This was originally pitched as a standalone story and so to be here now is surreal,” Ross Duffer says. “But this has been the most rewarding experience for us creatively." 

[dear-evan-fansen]

People complain CONSTANTLY that Evan "doesn't face enough consequences for his actions". I've always thought this was a bad take for multiple reasons, the most obvious being that Evan didn't have much to lose to begin with, and still ended up losing the only things he DID have, since he ultimately drove his only two friends away. But mainly I think this argument is bad because it's criticizing one of the elements that makes this show special. Is there some grand fallout where the secret comes out and Evan's life publicly crumbles as a result of his actions? No. But why does there have to be?

The audience is capable of discerning right from wrong. They don't need to be TOLD what Evan did is wrong because that's blatantly obvious. The show shouldn't have to aggressively and explicitly condemn his actions in order for us to understand that.

There are plenty of other stories you can go to if you're looking for a morality tale. There are countless different pieces of media out there that will spoonfeed you the message "'do bad things and bad things will happen to you in return", if that's what you're interested in. But there aren't nearly enough stories that tell you that you can screw up or do something bad and still keep going. Keep living. And keep learning to be better. Like it or not, life doesn't stop when you make a bad decision. It doesn't stop when you hurt someone or lose someone or do something you regret. It keeps going, and you have to keep going too.

For people who see themselves in Evan, who don't feel they'll ever come to a place where they can forgive themselves for the mistakes they've made, that message is infinitely more helpful than another story about a character who brings about his own downfall for the sake of teaching the audience a lesson.

And if you came to watch this story about a kid whose intense suffering and loneliness lead him to make a terrible mistake, and your problem with it is that you wanted to see him suffer more, I think that says a lot more about you than it does about the show.

[xxlelaxx]

Situations have situationed cause God forbid my family be normal about stuff...

But I've had some interesting conversations yesterday and am now considering how to proceed in handling one Person.

The issue is that they are mentally ill and mentally ill people do stuff they regret.. but at the same time I've had it. And they've had it rough. I know you do stupid shit when caught up in stuff..

but at the same time... I think I spent a big chunk of my life getting manipulated by that person and I'm not sure that they even care... Like they suffered and were hurt, yes, but they keep blaming everyone and ignoring the things around us. Hell, my sister and I got told that we are the reason for them developing an eating disorder cause they would horde all the "special snacks" (we didn't have a lot of money) and refuse to share while we always did. All we wanted was them to share and stop being a selfish ass (an issue this person still has). My sister has long lasting issues with this cause they kept stealing her food??? And they complained about being locked up as a kid (definitely wrong) and being made to feel like an animal (also very wrong) but they would attack us in a very scary and feral way. Like we had no choice except them hurting us a lot unless we locked them up. It was wrong but nobody was helping and at some point you're over being hurt. They refuse to acknowledge that they used to hurt us... like they would kick us (mainly my sister I kicked back) and threaten us with physical violence to the point. At some point I started fighting them for fun so they would get it out of their system. Like consensual beating between siblings (also wrong, but nobody knew and it helped). They even sought me out to have those fights cause they helped them calm down and we had signals for when things got too heated or personal. That doesn't make the things that happened okay, but it's not like everyone was evil and just hurt the little baby. And now they keep having angry breakdowns and destroying stuff and making us feel bad about it even though they got themselves into that situation and they refuse to take responsibility for anything they do. How is it our fault that they have anger issues??? I've told them before that I get anger being too much but this could be seen as something being manipulative (which I had forgotten about but this also isn't the first time). It is starting to feel like they do it on purpose cause this just happens when they don't wanna do stuff. (Same as with using self harm as a way to pressure us to act like they want). And now supposedly it's our fault for triggering them??? But they ignore the well established and known triggers of others? Like there have been situations where they purposely triggered my sister and they never really apologized??? And we haven't even been rude. We've been very nice about this situation which many people would not have been in an attempt to save their relationship with some friends they met in the last year. They keep backstabbing us for other people but going off about loyalty as if they even know what that word means. And they also talk down about us sometimes cause a therapist made the mistake to tell them they had a high IQ. Now they believe they are so much smarter than everyone else but are not able to do their own resume for a job they needed half a month ago because they struggle so much with their ADHD... Which at this point I also can't hear anymore. Like it's disabling but can you please stop pretending that everyone else is beneath you when you literally cannot do anything on your own and rely on those people you shit talk to do things for you??? You're not better just like they aren't better for being able to do things you can't do. This is just rude. Also everyone around you not behaving like you want to is not because they are stupid but because humans are different???

Like we've apologized for what we did in the past several times but I'm over being blamed for everything cause someone can't make real tangible progress in 5 years of therapy... And especially for things that just aren't my fault or they refuse to communicate. We're not here to be punching bags and fixing their mistakes and never really getting anything back. That's not how life or relationships work.

Another thing is that I know this therapist was someone elses therapist and they did the exact same thing. They were told multiple times their behavior was manipulative and they were aware of it and kept doing it. Also because they were "so smart". So I think the therapist might be enabling this behavior.

I really wanna be supportive and understanding for their sake but I don't know for how long I can listen to being blamed for everything while everyone pretends they do no wrong... Cause honestly they broke a fucking chair into six pieces and blamed us for self harming while this situation is fully their own responsibility.. like they are a grown up. Not a kid anymore. This was preventable if they had acted according to the role they assumed in this whole situation. This is the second time we are going through this and the first time they agreed to taking up that role. A role that was obvious they would have to assume to get what they wanted out of this. If you can't handle the responsibility you don't get to reap the benefits. That's just how it is. And if you know you are not capable of those things, don't get into those situations.

Like for once in your life take accountability instead of pretending everyone else is to blame and out to get you while life has been giving you chances for free just cause you are male presenting and have a very supportive family.

[highfantasy-soul]

I think it's ok and good for characters to grow and change and sometimes gain new and different flaws than they originally had.

It happens a lot with comics and serialized franchises like the MCU and Star Wars where characters have been around for YEARS and new writers come in to explore them and different styles of stories are told with the same characters and inevitably, people will complain that that's not 'really' that character, that the characterization is wrong, or whatever.

Or they'll complain about fan creations like fanfic, headcanons, and just posts about their fave and claim the poster just 'doesn't understand' the character/they're only drawing from one type of story with the character, etc.

It's ok to favor one iteration of a character or the way one author writes them, but it's also ok if someone else feels differently and likes another iteration. You don't have some superiority because you've read more versions of the character/attached yourself to an older version and someone else has attached themselves to a newer one. Both are ok.

ESPECIALLY if it's a character with DECADES of content or their story spans DECADES.

Like, if you identified with a character when that character was like, 12 and then the franchise continued for years and now that character is like 40, ummmm they're not gonna be the same person they were at 12? They've grown and changed and had new experiences that have forged them into new people. Sure, some base line characteristics might be the same, but I sure as hell am not the same person I was at 12. Especially if the original narrative was a coming of age story, they learned massive things that have changed their worldview and given them new skills.

For characters that pretty much stay the same age through the decades due to comics logic, it's ok to be drawn to one characterization over another. Just because the new material isn't showing the character the EXACT SAME as the og material did doesn't mean the writers 'just don't get' the character. Maybe the writers wanted to delve deeper into one specific aspect of the character and it's not the characteristic you wanted to look deeper at/take the forefront of the character, but that doesn't mean that characterization is wrong - it's just different to what you prefer. That's the beauty of comics: there are A LOT of runs you can go to and get different things from.

Idk, I guess my point is to take a breath before declaring that THIS SPECIFIC ITERATION of a character is the real one and anyone who theorizes about, writes fics about, what have you about a different iteration 'just doesn't understand' the character like you do.

Go ahead and opine about how 'x' writing choice doesn't fit what you liked about the character/don't feel like the character was meant to represent - especially if the character was meant to be a paragon like Superman - but don't look down your nose at people who like thinking about a different version of that character.

[Hell, I've talked about how I don't like how Ahsoka is being treated in the post-Clone Wars stuff because what made me love her so much was that she REJECTED the Jedi Order and carved her own path and the new stuff is making her seem like she's now just trying to...re-create that thing she walked away from? I don't like that path forward for the character, but it's ok if others really like her being the 'idealized/true' Jedi.]

Of course there will be writers who don't do a great job with the character, but you will always have the old version to go back to - they aren't going anywhere (unless they're exclusively on one of those streaming sites that are just deleting their content for asinine reasons, if that's the case, then my condolences, idk what you can do about that). Let people have their fun with the other versions as long as, you know, they aren't doing exactly what I'm talking about in this post and pretending their version is the only/real one.

You like the og Hellblazer John Constantine that isn't shooting out spells like crazy? Great! Someone else likes the stories exploring what he can do with wild magic? Also great! You can both coexist!

You like the non-religious Daredevil where his Catholicism is a footnote that doesn't affect him? Great! Someone else likes the versions of him that grapples with his religion and incorporates that directly into his vigilantism? Also great!

I feel the need to make a disclaimer because like all posts like this, people tend to come out of the woodwork to point out every exception to this generalization. So y'all: of course there can be bad interpretations of characters who were established to have 'x' thing be very important to them and then all of a sudden it's not anymore. But ALSO characters change over time (old Superman was sometimes a straight up asshole, Batman killed people and used guns). Characters 'become' who they are today based on what we've read/seen of them and the public consensus of what we think they should represent and as people, we aren't always going to agree on that.

It's always so much more fun interacting with people with compassion and space for differing likes and dislikes for characters - even the same character we love so much.

Be welcoming, be gracious with differences, lift each other up, and have productive conversations rather than attacks and annoyance that people don't see things the same way you do.

Ok, I guess rant over.

Read comics, consume media, devour books, saute fanfic, rip the flesh from fan art's bones.....ok that's getting a bit weird now, but you know what I'm saying. Enjoy the community of people who love these characters (which includes official writers) instead of vying for some false supremacy on a throne that doesn't even exist.

[jeongjaebae]

Maybe we'll just keep fallin'

⇢ Juyeon x reader, 3.4k, exes to lovers ⇢ A reunion at an amusement park reminds you of what it feels like to fall.

You've never hated Eric more than at this moment.

He gives you a big smile right when he sees you walking towards where the group is gathered near the entrance of the amusement park, and then runs towards you with his arms stretched out to squeeze the breath out of you.

"Hey," you greet with an attempt at a smile, hoping he doesn't notice the way your mood suddenly falls. "Long time no see."

"Y/N, I've missed you so much!" Eric's hug is even tighter than the last time you've seen him—a clear indication that he's been working out in college because those arms are even stronger as they lift you in a spin that takes you by surprise.

This amusement park trip would've been a perfect excursion on this perfect sunny day; a reunion of friends after a few years and a number of kilometers apart. And you had indeed been looking forward to it up until this point, having excitedly packed your bag and planned your outfit the night before.

However, no one had told you that he would be here too.

You knew it wasn't Eric's fault for inviting the both of you though, for he probably doesn't know about what happened. And when you join the rest of the group, it becomes quite obvious that none of them knew about it. It's as if they were all frozen in time, in the same spot as they stood all those years ago, back when your memories of this very amusement park had been overflowing with feelings for him.

It's not Eric's fault because Juyeon's Instagram remains untouched. Still filled with old pictures of the two of you long after what happened.

"It's nice to see all of you again," you say as you reach the others, looking at each of them one at a time. You wanted nothing more than to avoid looking at Juyeon the entire day, but it's something you couldn't get out of if you wanted to keep pretending everything was fine.

Juyeon was the first one you'd spotted from afar, having immediately recognized his all too familiar figure. But up close, he seems to have changed quite a bit. Like Eric, he definitely bulked up and is no longer super skinny, and then there's the way his skin glows and how his hair falls into place perfectly even with the wind blowing against it. And who wears such nice clothes to an amusement park? He's so stupidly perfect and unaffected that it pisses you off. The only thing that gives you a bit of satisfaction is seeing how he immediately stiffens after seeing you.

Maybe it would be easy to remember that he's no longer the boy you once loved when he seems so different now.

"Alright, let's go!" Eric shouts.

You knew that it was going to be a very long day.

***

"What's wrong? You don't like rollercoasters anymore?" Jacob asks. He raises an eyebrow at the way you eyed the ride all too warily.

You'd joined the line with the rest of them but there's a sense of dread in your steps that hadn't been there before. And while it wouldn't be your first time on this ride, the huge drop no longer seemed as appealing as it once did. Maybe you've developed a bit of a fear.

"I just hate the feeling of falling now," you say, then shrug when Hyunjae shoots you a strange look. "People change, I guess."

When your eyes flicker over to Juyeon intentionally, he's already staring at you.

Sometime while in line, the others all pair up with their seatmates, leaving you and Juyeon at the back together. Maybe it would've reminded you of the time they intentionally left you together when trying to set you up, but things are different now. It annoys you now.

You sigh. "Let's just get this over with."

As you climb into your seat with Juyeon following right behind you, suddenly you get an idea.

"Here, let me get this for you." You shoot him a smile before grabbing the safety bar and pushing it down on him as far as it would go, locking him into the seat with a click. It's much tighter than it needs to be and probably digs into his stomach if his grimace is any indication. Perfect. "Enjoy the ride!"

Then you walk out the other way. Leaving him without a seatmate on the rollercoaster.

A look of utter disbelief spreads on his face and you simply laugh before heading to the exit, where you would wait for his ugly photos to come out. Not that he could ever be ugly, but one could still hope.

As the rollercoaster takes off and he's still glancing at you looking betrayed, there's no time for guilt. Because he was going to go on the ride anyways, you tell yourself. What difference did it make whether it was with or without you? And besides, strapping him in tighter could've been to ensure his safety; it's almost funny how the things we do for the people we love actually end up hurting them the most.

Several minutes later, Juyeon comes back with his hair dishevelled and a frown on his face. Bothered, but still silent. You count that as a win because unfortunately for you, his photos turn out looking just fine. In fact, they turn out all too similar to the set you once carried around in your phone case—the same ride and the same expression, only the seat beside him hadn't been empty in that one.

He doesn't say anything as you take out your phone to quickly snap a photo of the preview on the screen, calling him ugly the entire time anyways.

The loud noises and flashy lights in every direction try to grab your attention as heading to the next ride has you walking through all the carnival games in the park. Prizes are dangling at every stall, the smell of colourful snacks and the cheerful voices of children filling the air. For a while, you don't mind it when Juyeon falls into step beside you at the back of the group.

Until his hand accidentally brushes yours. And his touch sends you reeling.

"You okay?" his eyes flash with concern. He hangs back to wait for you while the rest of the group continues on without notice.

"Yup," you slap on the most dazzling fake smile you could muster. "Never been better."

It was a close call; for a second you thought your resentment towards him faltered like your feet did.

They've stopped at a beanbag toss game where Hyunjae points out how much Sunwoo looks like the raccoon plushie hanging in the section of prizes, and Changmin is taking bets that Sangyeon's bad luck would make him lose every game he plays. Juyeon bets against it. You bet for it.

The man running the game gestures dramatically, beckoning your group over. "See something you like? Step right up! Only three tickets to win the biggest prizes in the entire park."

Normally you would've walked away. Everyone knows that carnival games are rigged so there was no point in wasting your tickets, but once again, an idea occurs. Three tickets to get a chance to hit your ex? Hell yeah, you were definitely in.

The man gives you a wink as you go to hand in your three measly tickets, with Juyeon following closely behind. You had a feeling he would participate too, though you don't know why.

As you settle into your spot at the counter, you realize that the booth is quite empty. None of your friends are there anymore, somehow having disappeared so suddenly without a trace—leaving you alone with Juyeon once again.

"Why are they always putting us together," you mutter under your breath.

"Because they don't know about—"

"Yeah, no shit." You roll your eyes at him. Why was he answering a rhetorical question anyways? "Whatever. Let's get on with the game already."

When the game starts, Juyeon is oblivious beside you as he concentrates on the distance to the target. Competitive as usual, you assume, though this time it wouldn't be for the purpose of winning you a giant plushie like he did before. And the old you might've tried to get a good score to impress him, but the new you isn't like that anymore.

You almost feel bad when you take a step away from the booth and gaze at the back of his head. There's a sense of hesitation because does he really deserve this? Getting your revenge when he's not even looking is a little too harsh isn't it? But you quickly wipe those thoughts away. One beanbag to the head isn't going to make up for all the times he promised not to break your heart yet ended up doing it anyways.

Juyeon whips around and gives you a hard stare after your beanbag successfully strikes the back of his head and then lands at his feet. Bullseye!

"Oh, did I hit you?" Your voice drips with a sarcastic sweetness. "Oops, sorry."

The rest of your beanbags are tossed messily without really caring where they land now that you've accomplished your goal, and his shots seem too distracted after getting hit.

He remains impassive as the two of you find your way back to the rest of your friends who appear just as suddenly as they disappeared.

"That was a nice shot." Hyunjae gives you a high-five. The way Juyeon glances at him sharply almost makes you burst out laughing. "Too bad you didn't win a prize."

You don't tell him that it might be even better than winning a prize. "You saw that? But where did you guys go?"

"Oh um, Eric kind of had an emergency. In the bathroom." Hyunjae gives you a wry smile then takes off before you could ask more.

You stick with Sunwoo for the rest of the day, clinging onto him so closely that he has no opportunity to leave you with your ex again. He occasionally gives you questioning glances and you feel slightly embarrassed; it wasn't your intention to make things awkward, but surely your friends should've all sensed something strange by now? Surely they couldn't still see you and Juyeon as a couple?

The last jab you took at him was on the spinning teacup ride, a final ride at the end of the day just as the sun was setting. The rest of your group had split themselves equally into two teacups, leaving no room for the two of you though you could see through the way they intentionally sprawled themselves across the seats to fill up the space.

So once again, you were left with Juyeon. But this time, you don't complain because you had another plan up your sleeve.

As soon as the ride starts along with the horrible carnival music, you're grabbing the wheel at the center and turning it as fast as you could. It makes the teacup spin and spin, round and round until the rest of the world is a blur of lights and colours around you. Somehow it makes the teacup feel all too small. It's as if you and Juyeon were the only ones existing as everything else blends together.

"Y/N, stop," he shouts at some point, but you pay no attention as your hands continue to move the steering wheel mechanically. "You're going to get dizzy!"

And he's right. Because eventually the teacup slows to a full stop, but the world continues to spin and prevents you from getting to your feet and walking out.

"Are you okay?" Juyeon reaches for you then pulls back at the last moment. "Why did you spin it so much?"

Just seeing the way he looks perfectly fine standing there makes you feel the contents of your stomach churn. His perfect face and his perfect hair and his perfectly indifferent expression. Had your plan backfired? At this point, could anything you do even affect him the way his presence affected you so much?

You attempt at getting to your feet again and it just barely works this time. "Ugh, why aren't—you dizzy—"

"You spun it that hard just to get me dizzy?" Juyeon's voice gives no hints to what he's thinking.

"Shut up."

His touch stings when he ends up wrapping an arm around you, holding you up as you walk out of the ride together. Usually you would've thrown him off and pushed him away, but in your state of trying not to die, you give in and let him guide you to a pavilion with some picnic benches.

"Sit here."

It's quieter here when you're out of the crowd. A little easier to breathe. You focus on the way the air tastes, cooler now that the sun has gone down but still lingering with the sweetness of cotton candy from a nearby vendor. The world slows down and finally stills under your feet, and the waves of nausea quickly recede.

"Why are you doing all this?" Juyeon blurts, and you can finally see something underneath those unreadable eyes of his. The whole day he's put up with your antics without ever saying anything, but now you could see the blaze the lies just beneath the surface.

It feels like a taste of victory.

"Doing what?"

"You know what."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you say carefully.

He gives an exasperated sigh, pacing around in front of the bench you sat at. "Do you hate me that much?"

"I—"

Yes, you wanted to say. Because hating him has never left your mind for the past few years. Because you did want to resent him. To hurt him the way that he hurt you when he decided to cut off all ties with you so your long-distance relationship wouldn't hold you back during college. Maybe he'd thought it was the right thing to do but it was such a stupid reason and he was so stupid and—it all hurt. So yes, maybe you'd imagined getting your revenge someday when you met him again.

But doing all those things today didn't make you feel any better and seeing him like this is different from what you'd imagined.

Juyeon's steps finally stop, and he sits down on the bench beside you. "If you do, it's okay. I get it. I would hate me too."

A silence settles in between you and the crickets in the background are almost too loud. The last of the sun's fading glow surrender to a blanket of darkness that contrasts with the warm glow of the fairy lights in the small pavilion. Being here in any other context might be romantic. It reminds you all too much of what happened the first time.

"Why?" you ultimately ask despite already knowing the answer. "Why would you hate yourself?"

"For hurting you. For even thinking that we'd be better off apart because the past four years have only made me miserable with regret," he admits. "So yes, hurt me. Let out your pain." He pounds on his chest a couple of times and then stretches his arms out, waiting. "I can take it. Just don't hurt yourself."

"Juyeon..."

The amount of times you'd wished to hear those words over the years. He did call that one time, though your roommates had taken your phone and blocked him before you could get a chance to find out what he might've said. It was something that you'd wondered about during the times you'd drank a little too much, when you'd cried over nothing, when the feeling of falling had become falling into the depths of darkness instead of falling in love like it once was.

Maybe now, you're finally getting your answer.

Your fists are weak where they collide with his chest repeatedly, one after another, as if doing so would make his heart hurt as much as yours did. And he just takes it.

But then he's wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close until you give in. Until you completely melt against him. Until there's the warmth of his body against you and the tears that slip down your cheeks land on his shirt.

"Y/N, you have no idea how much I missed you," he whispers, breath coming out against your hair where he runs his hand through like he did before. "I'm sorry. For everything."

His scent enveloping you as he holds you, the dim glow of lights above you—it all reminds you of what happened all those years ago at this very place. It had been the same park and the same friends as today, but the exhilaration was from the way he grabbed your hand to pull your closer, not from being up high in that swing ride. The dizziness you'd felt was after he kissed you for the first time, and not from some spinning teacup ride. And when had the heart fluttering feeling of falling been from falling in love, and not simply from a rollercoaster ride?

But soon you do find yourself falling again.

It's not like the first time he kissed you here, when sparks fly and the world spins and your heart pounds so hard you thought it would burst. This time when his lips are on yours and he fits against you so perfectly, it's like coming home after being too far for too long. Everything feels so familiar yet new, like rereading your favourite book and rediscovering all of your favourite passages as you relearn each line and curve of his body. He may be different from what you remembered from all those years ago, but the way his gentle hands cup your cheeks, the brushing of his knees against yours, the way you can taste the salt of tears and faint sweetness of cotton candy on his lips. Everything is still so distinctly him, something that even the space and time between you couldn't ever change.

"Lee Juyeon," comes out in a whisper against his lips as you pull back to catch your breath, "you're so stupid."

"Only when it comes to you." He breaks into a smile, the first genuine smile that you've seen all day and it seems to light up the world. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. Even if it takes me the rest of my life."

"You're making this sound like a proposal."

Juyeon gives a choked laugh. "Um, not that I would be against it, but let's take this one step at a time first, yeah?"

And when you look at him, truly look at him, this time you can see the same boy you loved for all these years. You let those eyes draw you in and finally let yourself sink into the memories that you kept pushing away and burying. There's a tinge of pink on his cheeks and they're hot under your fingertips as you reach to pull him in again and—

"It's about time," a booming voice suddenly interrupts, making the two of you spring apart. Eric claps as he walks into the pavilion joined by the rest of the group, a mischievous smile on his face.

"It only took them all day," Sunwoo rolls his eyes. "I was dying over here when Y/N started following me around. Totally deserve an Oscar for my acting today."

"Hey, that's not true! I definitely noticed you giving me weird looks."

It's not surprising that your friends had known about the breakup after all, though you just hadn't expected them to have known even before this trip. The deja vu takes you back to the last time you were here, how your first kiss as a new couple was nearly interrupted by Eric's cheers and Sunwoo's expressions of disgust.

"Before you start freaking out—no, nobody told us," Eric says. "Nobody needed to because it was so obvious. We only pretended to not know in the hopes that you'd finally put each other out of your misery."

"And while it's good that you guys did, the highlight of this trip has got to be watching Y/N bully Juyeon all day," Hyunjae bellows and nods towards Juyeon. "I don't know what you did to deserve that, but you probably deserved it."

Soon there are sounds of laughter filling the pavilion and it makes your heart feel full in a way that you hadn't felt in a long time. As if there had been a weight you didn't even know you had on you, and now it's been lifted off your shoulders and you finally feel light enough to join in with their laughter.

As fireworks fill the night sky and Juyeon intertwines his fingers with yours on the walk back, it quickly becomes clear that the falling back together was as easy as it had been the first time.

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (3/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

Yep yep yep, I'm liking this season a lot! 😍 Although I hope we'll get into a more frantic situation now, like with more battles and more bonding moments (Nya and Maya hopefully, but with Bentho too 🦈🦈🦈)! We got half a season to go, I'M READY!! 😎😎

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

I do like the season a lot, maybe MoM was a little more cohesive? Idk but it's not a big complain, I still love it so far 😍

Also maybe I would've liked more interactions between Nya and Maya about how they've been apart for so long, they had a chit chat but I would've loved even more. Maybe with Nya saying that it was fine and she grew up only to realize she is still hurt by that, even though it wasn't Maya's fault. I still like how they did it, I wished there was more that's it 🤷‍♀️

While I do make sense to Maya's behavior, that while it seems a little different from Hands of Time it had its logic in my opinion, maybe Ray feels a little weird? He seems less courageous than before, and it was established that he is a hothead like his son so that came off as unusual 🤔🤔

But I do love the fact that he's here and he's bonding with his son, for real, I've been waiting for this for so long so I'm happy nonetheless 🤩

Maybe I'm just easy to please and I take all I can get idk 😅

THE STORM AMULET

Oh, are we gonna address the wind element? It feels like we haven't really seen a Morro reference since Hands of Time, that would be cool! 😍 I mean, why even mentioning the wind then 😅😅

Well what do you know, they tracked them, who saw that coming?... me, I saw that coming... we all did probably 🤷‍♀️

Jay took upon himself making a quick recap on how Ninjago will be destroyed this time, thanks Bluebell 👌

Yep nyeheh electricity makes Nya go crazy for sure ❤💙 ... wait it wasn't a Jaya pun?

Jay wear your seatbelt please, you risk you life enough 😅😅 Pff lol "are we there yet" and they are actually there, biggest plot twist I've ever heard of 😂

LEGO HUG 💜💜💜

And with someone who might as well join the League of Jay apparently 💙

I liked The Island yet it was not as exciting as I hoped for, but now understand the meaning of it. The ninja helped the keepers and they are all allies. Without The Island the moment where Mammatus gives Nya the amulet wouldn't be as meaningful

Is it just me or Nya looked even more gorgeous during that moment?... just me huh? Okay then 😂💕

Wait that's a fake? Wait... UNCLE POWERS?!? OMG THAT I ACTUALLY DIDN'T SEE COMING 🤯

Here I thought he was just messing around, he always makes things harder 😅 Or maybe better? I mean, they kinda missed a bullet on this one...

BENTHO IS SO SWEET AND COOL OMG HE IS ALREADY OUR FRIEND 💙🦈💙🦈

Jay somehow had his own TV show in the past and yet he's got that horrible acting skills wth 😂😂😂

Kalmaar is a very cool villain, like, deeply evil. Not only he's calculated and merciless, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. And the people that get in the way? He wants them to suffer because they had dared to confront him 😳

And yes the voice does help a lot, I'm sorry I'll keep saying it until the season is over 😂 (or even beyond? Please cast Giles again LEGO 🥺🥺🥺)

Awww Nya no my poor girl 😢 Jay wanted to hug her to comfort her he is so sweet my SHIP ❤💙❤💙

MOM PEP TALK MOM PEP TALK!!! 🤩🤩🤩 How cool was it?

Like, this isn't even Maya asking Nya to believe in herself, this is her saying that she KNOWS her daughter can do anything when she puts her mind into it. FINALLY SHE SEES HOW AMAZING WATER GODDESS IS 💜💜💜

MORE LEGO TEARS OMG THIS SEASON IS FILLED WITH TEARS 😱 Which... kinda makes sense considering it's a water based season 😂

Nice one, and now? NOW WE GO BACK TO KAI COLE AND RAY YAS!!! ❤🖤❤🖤

RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

That is... surprisingly Egypt theme like? It feels like a title coming from the Fire Chapter of season 11... well we got two fire elementals so 😍😍

SPARRING KAI AND RAY

I REPEAT SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! ❤❤❤ Lol Ray got old, but how can someone blame him? He did touch death while aging in Hands of Time, I'm just happy he is alive 😂

Yep, master prankster Wu, that's what I love 👌👌 I always thought Wu had become a father figure for Kai at the beginning, so seeing Ray and Wu in the same picture feels very wholesome to me 😚

Ah, uncle Powers, I both love you and hate you so freaking much 😌😌 But you make cool slides nonetheless 😂

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH BEAUTIFUL SMITH INTERACTIONS??

BECAUSE I LIKE IT KEEP GOING 🤩

Oh no you guys are stranded on an island whatever are you going to do?? It's not like you had already before and managed to survive (Skybound) or you got stranded on a rock in a sea of sand filled with giant monsters (Fire Chapter) or you were on a freaking COMET in SPACE (Rebooted). Yeee, this is the worst yet 🙂

I'm starting to think these ninja are just a bunch of drama queens so no matter what happens, it's always hopeless 😂😂 I feel like I'm kinda right on this one honestly 😛

Whoa whoa WHOA WHO IS NYAD THIS SOUNDS VERY COOL???

Aww I like that, while Ray told his kids stories about dragons and how they traveled through the Underworld, Maya told them about Nya the first water master that could summon whales 💙❤💙❤

Pff imagine if it turned out Nya was the master of fire, carrying a very water based name? Lol

Maya: I would know if it was possible!

Nya: Yeah, like she knows that I can control a bit of ice because it's frozen water

Maya:...

Maya: YOU WHAT

I find both interesting and very annoying that this explorers club thinks so highly of themselves, to the point the deny to aid even the FREAKING SAVIORS OF THEIR FREAKING LAND 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Misako got good reflexes after all, Kai was probably ready to melt this guy's face 😅

Oh, so a trial by Sphinx is a challenge? A mental one? A cultural one? A physical one? Idk but Misako is actually taking charge and that is cool I guess 🤷‍♀️

Okay this is kind of weird, how is Ray so afraid? Is it because there's fire?... did he... did he grow afraid of fire for some reason? Because it feels a bit off for now, but if there is a deeper meaning that could be interesting 🤔

Wait is that the riddle from Decoded? That's fire right?

IT IS FIRE 🔥🔥🔥

Lol at least in this one Kai wasn't completely ignored 😂 I know my flame babe isn't the most rational person, but I do like that it was an answer connected to his element where he used his head!

Ah Clutch, you really got no backbone 😅 And apparently you're the only explorer who doesn't, dang look at the others go! I'm having a bit more respect for them now 😚

LOOK AT SENSEI GO FINALLY!!! 😍😍 FIGHTING SCENES HECK YES!!!

Kalmaar: I'm your conquerer

Wu: so after skeletons, the serpentine, nindroids, the Stone Army, Chen's army, ghosts, oni, more snakes but on fire and people from a game, that makes you the tenth. Have a free cookie

Kalmaar:...

Wu: you're not special

Is this a little throwback to Possession too? Nya seems to always control better water when she doesn't actually think about it. When her feelings are free, so are her powers 🌊🌊🌊

Also this opens up more possibilities! Creatures connected with other elements might get summoned too! I would love something like that 😍😍

This was NEAT, or maybe I just missed Kai that much ❤ What's next??

PAPERGIRL

ANTONIAAAAAAAA!!!! MY GIRL IS BACK!!! All my girls are back in this season, I'm so happy 😍😍😍 And if she is here, sweet little Nelson has to be around and I cannot wait! Bring in the purple ninja! 💜

Owww Antonia's last day as a papergirl? Nooo why??

She's got a job at the... DAIRY DRAGON??? OMG OMG OMG IT'S THE ICE CREAM PLACE BRAGI TOLD US ABOUT ON TWITTER!!! 🤩🤩🤩 I remember the post, he was asking about names for the place and ice cream flavors. Now I can't wait to see what did he choose 🍦🍦🍦

UNAGAMI BABY HI HONEY!!! 🙋‍♀️ I hope he's doing great 😘😘

This is so cool honestly, Antonia got her own character arc going on! Living in a chaotic city like Ninjago City must be pretty dang exhausting 😅

Was... was that Dareth in the garbage can? Am I wrong? Poor brown ninja 😅🤎😅

SPINJITZU SWIRL, BANANAKHAN, ORANGE SERPENTINE, I'M DYING 😂😂😂

Their friendship is so wholesome, I'm so happy they are still together no matter what happens 💕

I thought Kalmaar wasn't much of a fighter but DANG he's got skills! Also the fact that he uses tentacles makes the fight very cool to watch! 😚😚

RAY RUNNING IN AFTER KAI GOT HURT HECK YES ❤❤❤

Well at least you tried Ray 😅

Ah, little cameo of the original Weekend Whip, always nice to hear it again... AND DO THE WEEKEND WHIP!!! 🌪🌪🌪

EVEN NELSON GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'M SO PROUD 💜

I don't even know what is cooler, the kids being mad lads on their bikes, Kalmaar driving a TRUCK or Kai going full parkour on the buildings to follow them 🤯

I'm sorry... am I the only one that during the Kai and Kalmaar talk kinda thought of Jestro and Clay? I miss my boys from NK, they're even more at odds now 😭😭

KAI YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE OR EVEN TRY TO DIE GET BACK HERE AT ONCE 😱😱

Kalmaar just loves to make everyone feel inferior, gotta be his hobby 😶

Oh good Kai is back

OH NOT GOOD KAI IS NOT BREATHING?!? FLAME BABE I TOLD YOU YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE 😱😱😱

Antonia, Nelson, you guys are now my heroes. You saved my fave, I'll be forever in dept with you ❤❤❤ Am I being overdramatic? Most likely, but Kai is one of the few that didn't almost die or did die in a dramatic situation and he is also my absolute favorite character so that... kinda keeps my sanity in check in this show 🥴

I wonder... does he still not know how to swim? He saved Lloyd in Possession but I wonder if he was only trying to float on the surface... THAT'S TERRIFYING

This episode was so adorable, I love Antonia and Nelson so much 💜💕💜💕 It's nice to see what the other people of Ninjago do while everything goes mad 🤣

Wait hang on my Ninjajan is a little rusty

"Ninjago City. City that never sleeps" well if that ain't the truth 😂

MASTER OF THE SEA

Like Master of the Mountain? Wait are we going back to Shintaro?? VANYA?? ANOTHER BEST GIRL RETURNS??? 💛

Hey hey hey, we got a full Nyad backstory! I really like when they do these little drawn shots, they feel more like legends! And... the ending sounds terrifying? Like, they wouldn't let Nya sacrifice herself and die... again... right? 😱

Bentho: and the world was in balance, until now because of my brother

Lloyd: and the Overlord before of course

Bentho: the what now?

Lloyd: the evil one my grandpa the first Spinjitzu Master fought?

Bentho: YOUR WHAT NOW

Why do I like this offscreen "hiiiyaaa" that sensei Wu does before actually going into the scene? 😂😂

No matter if they come from the underground or the sea, these are all snake-like creature with the same intellect 😅 Kalmaar and Garmadon would have a lot to talk about, sea king dealing with his minions does remind me of Lord Garmadon in season 2 a lot 😂😂

KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤

OMG Kalmaar is such a brat and petty villain I love him so much 😂😂😂 Yes I didn't even mention his amazing voice!... AH DANG IT 😳😳

*Misako kicks Kalmaar and is actually useful* 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

*Misako gets taken as hostage immediately after* 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

KAI LITERALLY JUST GOT SAVED FROM DROWNING WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO HIM!!!... and Ray and Cole and Wu of course, I care okay 😅

OMG that face 🤣🤣🤣

That some meme material right there

Whoa Vincent that voice just got super up when the Unsinkable showed up, it kinda sounded like Jay's lol

NO NOT BENTHO!!! 😢😢😢

Kai: Nya talks to whales now? (I snorted so hard at this 😂😂)

HECK YES NYA GOT THE AMULET!! 😍😍😍 ... we got, like, four more episodes to go so something needs to happen in between... do I need to be scared? I feel like I need to be scared 😅

Jay starting a fire then blaming Kai?... this is so in character I got chills 😂😂

SHARK BOY IS STAYING TO THE MONASTERY THIS IS SO PRECIOUS!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 I want all the shenanigans and we need to write fanfictions about more shenanigans and AAAAHHHHH 🦈🦈🦈

Bless these two fire idiots

They own my heart ❤🔥❤🔥 Also Vincent, this is supposed to be a fun little gag moment, your amazing voice acting is kinda distracting me 😭😭😭

ANOTHER LEGO HUG

YOU GUYS ARE SPOILING ME OVER HERE HECK YES 💙🌊💙🌊

Maya learned that her daughter is capable of everything, I love that. Nya simply understood that she doesn't have to give up when something gets difficult. She is AMAZING and can do anything she puts her mind into. She simply has to hold on until the end 💪💪💪

Omg Benthomaar playing billiard with the guys I already love this 😍😍

YES IT IS SHINTARO!!! THE UPPLY ARE HERE OMG!!! HI VANYA YOU LOOK AMAZING GIRL MISS YOU I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY!!! 💛💛💛 ... I just really like Master of the Mountain okay 😅

I love how Vanya doesn't even question it. It comes from Cole and he said it needs to be protected? Done and done 👌

Wait what, did something fall?

IS THAT THE FAKE?!?!? WHAT HOW WHEN??? UNCLE POWERS??? OR KALMAAR DID SOMETHING??? SOMEONE??? I'M LEGIT CONFUSED AND EXCITED??? 🤯🤯🤯

Well dang, I didn't see that coming, now what Seabound? What do you have for me?

[jungxk]

// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

[paramsiddharth]

#15: The Independence Day

However tempting the title may be at suggesting my life is at peace now, it painfully isn't. I don't want this to prevent me from glorifying the decades of freedom from colonization we have enjoyed, how much we have recovered from post-colonization trauma, and how we are more responsibly planning to evolve in future. Lots of love to my country. I love my dear Bihar, I love India. I am grateful to my parentland for everything it gave me, such as the beautiful cultural heritage and the opportunity to identify myself as a proud Indian. 🇮🇳 I give my heartfelt pranaam to my nation.

Why is it always such that I make a post, disappear for months (or years), and then make a sudden reappearance? I love writing. Why this discontinuity? I asked myself this question.

I realized it is because I am always too overwhelmed by my past and future to express my present without hurting myself. And don't expect me to mourn that; It is part of my situational awareness, learning from my experience, and practical preparedness and I'm not ashamed.

I'm not proud either, but there's little I can do to change the circumstances I'm put in. The very reason behind my continuous complaining and being a crybaby is because that's what has happened to me throughout my life, and continues to. There are plenty of people to blame, but definitely not me.

I will start talking about the time after the day I posted that Kharagpur blog, but I will move in a logarithmic fashion i. e. Increasing the amount of focus on the part closer to the plateau (present) rather than the cliff (past).

Do you use olive oil at home? Is it a common ingredient in most of the food that you have at home? I recently learnt an interesting truth about food oils. Mustard oil, olive oil, and refined oil are the 3 major oils used to cook. In my family everything is cooked in mustard oil. I used to watch recipe videos and wonder why the colour of the oil looked so different. Turns out they generally use olive oil.

Based on what mom told, mustard oil is much more fatty and considered not good for health, at least in comparison to olive oil. That being said, mustard oil comes for a lot cheaper than olive oil. So do we use less healthy oil to cook food for saving money? Yes. Are we the only ones? I really don't know.

As much as I don't want to, I pity myself. It's pathetic, but every time I pity myself, I assume it can't get worse. But it does. It very much does.

5-6 days ago, my parents had a very violent fight. I was there to get them to settle, and since my classes were not going on, I could give more time to home. Despite my struggle to get both my parents to be peaceful, they kept saying things to each-other for half the night, and kept hurting themselves, mentally and physically. I was there to help them, but they weren't welcoming to any support. And I understand why. They must feel like they are put into a position where they can't express themselves to anyone, and that nobody can feel what they are going through.

Folks and friends tell me not to get in between when they fight. I wouldn't… If only it remained verbal. But it gets worse. It gets physical, in a manner that they end up hurting their internal and external biologies causing more than just short-term damage. I barely manage to save the day everytime… Because I love them. I don't want to listen to my friends. My parents are my everything. Losing one of them means losing half of my life's purpose. I'm nothing without them, no matter how they are.

And I managed to calm them down. 3 days ago, we woke up to a news that wasn't initially so devastating: The water motor wasn't working. It had been a common problem, I easily assumed it will be fixed soon. We got it checked, had some analysis done, some parts bought. By evening, it was still being worked on, and that made the situation tense. The day ended with the news that the plumbers will come the next day and attempt a better fix, something they referred to as "slizing" (I think it supposed to be slicing). I didn't eat much that day, for reasons. Others ate less too.

So we got the "slizer" expert the next day. The whole day was going to be a wasted struggle again, and what happened at home made it far worse. The lack of food, hydration, and sanitation made our patience and moods worse. My parents had an argument, and once the light was sparked, it ended up being probably the worst fight they have ever had in the whole lifetime. One where they almost hit each-other. I came in between as a shield and got beaten up instead, gladly so. But will I always be able to get in between?

The situational dilemma hit me harder than the physical strokes. I was pulled down deep into the realization of how traumatizing the past 5 years have been for my parents. From being loving, caring, and supportive, they've become beasts. They have turned into people with no emotional control, and mood-swing patterns that encourages self-harm exclusive to interpersonal fights between those two.

As much as they fight, scream, misbehave, and misunderstand each-other while arguing, they are the only 2 adults I could ever rely on. The rest of my ostensible family has been far more hostile to us, in a much more heart-penetrating way than physically. Who else can I look up to? And even if I had anybody else to look up to, my parents are the 2 people I will never let go of. It is my life's purpose to see them happy, and I won't let anything go wrong before that happens.

Their hatred for each-other while fighting is no longer silenced by their want to live, and their heart no longer melts by the thought of their kids' happiness. They aren't able to think straight during a fight. What would a person in this condition be advised to do? Take therapy, I suppose. We can't afford that. Will the one who advises us pay for our therapy? I'm sure not.

Money is the one big thing in our life that's our biggest joy and harshest pain at the same time. If we had more money, none of our current problems in life would remain relevant. We will be able to cure everything, including our financial instability and mental illnesses. We will be off to a happy life, constantly evolving. If only we had more money. If only…

Let me slap myself out of this dream. It isn't here yet. A minimum of 2 years before I even get on my feet are to be borne with patience and… Struggle. No, my parents have to remain together, no matter what. The hardwork they did for their whole life, won't lose meaning so easily. We're close, and we will make it. I will get a good job and change everything. I will be able to fix us. I will do it… Won't I?

I wasn't able to cry, because I hadn't had water for 50+ hours. My parents eventually lost energy and got diverted by updates from the plumbers and the expert. It failed. They didn't even attempt the "slizing" part. Maybe next day.

Day 3. No eating, drinking, peeing, or excreting. We felt like lifeless blobs, and it was harder for us to make it through, considering my mom has an OCD. Although we were convinced that the service folks were fixing the water issue, we also knew the kind of people we have in Muzaffarpur. They were using our helplessness as a measure to maximize visible worktime and increase the payment. The only thing they were aiming for is profit. No sense of wanting to provide quality service, no concern for our degrading health, nothing. They were just extending and pulling out days from our lifeless schedule.

On day 3, we slightly hinted that this would be the last day we let them work. We ensured them that if they don't fix it by the end of the day, instead of wasting more money into something that isn't even working, we will urgently invest into getting a submersible pump installed, the ultimate answer to all water problems in the poverty-stricken lands of India.

God knows how, by the end of the day, water started coming. We were not relieved, especially I. Not instantly. I waited for the next morning, and then, was a little calmed. After having the payment report (just because I make it sound professional doesn't mean it was, it was an informal description of how much we have to pay and a disambiguation telling why), we realized the fixing cost us over ₹22,000. That's a lot of money for a sudden life problem. And then the motor stopped working again in the evening, whereafter we asked them to have a look again. A quickfix and it started working after adding some water in the pipe.

We are firm that the next step is to get a submersible pump, but even if we put aside the financial challenge for a moment, this season isn't the best one to get it installed. In fact, that should be our last resort, if all options are exhausted, like it would have been if day 3 ended in a disappointment too. But now we have some time to think, plan, and gather money. ₹80,000 isn't a small amount (that's to start, you know it's always more than it seems).

It was the independence day. Wow, what a beautiful day. An independent country, where there are lakhs of smiles of people happy and proud of their country. And lakhs of neutrally frowned faces who don't even know what a country is. All they know is food, water, shelter, and survival. I felt them, I can tell. It must be worse. I wish we had a little more independence too. A stable financial life, my mom's OCD cured, feels like a lovely eye-tearing dream.

Hahaha… I don't know why I'm crying. Is it because of the trauma of 3 painful days? Is it the fear of my parents getting into a fight again? Is it the painful possibility that I might not get a good job because of my not-so good college or my own ineligibility? Or is it just me, a 19 year-old who doesn't even know what to do with his life and is struggling to survive mentally, physically, biologically, academically, and socially?

For those 3 days, I was in a state of suffering. Since I didn't eat much, I didn't need to use the bathroom, but I would have loved to. I would have loved to satisfy my dry throat with some water. Having not drunk or eaten in days had fatigued me. If you want a feel of how long it had been, here's a day 3 picture of an initially dark yellow arhar dal cooked on day 1:

Still, I was receiving phone calls.

Them: Hey Param! What's up? Can you help me with this thing?

Me: Hi, I'm sorry, I can't… I'm kind of in a problem… ...(trying to explain my situation).

Them: That stinks! Sorry about that, dude. Take care. Oh, by the way, can you help me out with this quickly? I really need to do this.

This makes me realize how awfully tooled I have always let myself be. If it was a regular day, I would have probably let go of my busy time and helped them out, but I was in pain. I was enraged. Very angered by their stubbornness and lack of concern for my happiness, when I have always been the one who was there for them. I hung up and left my phone. I didn't feel like touching it anymore. Life felt obsolete.

Evening, day 4, we were preparing for dad's birthday next day. Planning a surprise, we ordered a cake for him by collecting some money. We were very excited. Little did we know our happiness was about to be shattered… That's when the water had stopped working again. We know it got fixed later, but the intensity of the trauma in the moment embedded itself deeply into our hearts, and despite the want to be excited, we weren't very relieved after the news that it was working again. We were constantly afraid it will stop working again.

We desperately tried to stay happy and celebrate his birthday. 12 AM, August 16, we sang happy birthday. Crying on the inside and smiling on the outside, we made ourselves believe that we ought to be happy for survival. The desperation was visible on our faces. Here are some pictures:

Now that I'm out of it (pray, the water works fine), I still don't feel so good about it. I want to hug my parents and stay in their arms forever. I want to see them smiling and keep talking to them forever. I want to be able to forget my pain and begin a happy life with my parents someday. Other people won't help me achieve that, I will.

I attempted to get myself a job offer at some good companies, and the recruiters would admit that I'm worthy and eligible and all, but then conclude, "…but our company generally gives only on-campus opportunities.". I get it. I'm not in an IIT. Not privileged enough to be allowed to compete with those IITians I'm far better than. I'll not have a chance, because they'll never come for on-campus opportunities to my college. Bless the IITs, for they've now stolen a hundred options of success from me despite my hardwork.

It is the interview season. I recently had a huge spam of texts and phonecalls by my seniors, asking, requesting, and even threatening me to help them with their online coding entrances. I clarified that I find it ethically wrong, but they continued to mentally disturb me by saying stuff that they, as my elders, shouldn't. I made a post on LinkedIn regarding that. I was so mentally tortured I couldn't take it anymore. And guess what? The responses were equally surprising and hostile.

A good number of people supported. By "supported", I don't mean "liked the post". Anybody would do that for free. Rather, some people appreciated my bravery and told me I did the right thing. On the other hand, some others simply scolded and criticized me brutally for the defamation of JUET, the possibility of JUET being blacklisted by recruiters, and making LinkedIn an unprofessional platform with my plea. What value I hath wrought from years of hardwork didn't seem to be anything to them. Shame on them for looking down on someone they should have been supportive to. And all those cowards who enjoy the perks of the flattery of such devil elders, may they suffer the consequences. Ahh!

Life is so stupid. Why am I working so hard? Whom for? Hello? Is anybody ever going to acknowledge me? Am I ever going to get any appreciation? EVER? Why me? Why? 😭

The question is on me. I've come far enough to understand how this universe works to a much better extent than before. Will I be able to plan my future strategically and always do what's right for me and my family? I hope I do. I hope I don't disappoint the one person who is always there to support me: Myself.

I had once felt like I saw God, but suddenly there was no God. I looked around. Nothing. I was alone. All by myself. Nobody was there to help me achieve my dreams. I suddenly felt this urge to be so grateful for what I have, and not assume that this is the worst it can get. It could get worse, and there's a lot I can get out of my present rather than worrying about my future. And you, dear reader, ought to be grateful for what you have, too.

I sincerely take my leave now. ❤️

Lots of love,

Param Siddharth.

[bubblegumstardust]

So it looks like Becky Albertalli wrote this over a week ago now but it's only just crossed my dash and I can't tell you how mad I am right now.

I hope everyone who contributed to making her feel so forced to come out before she was ready is ashamed of themselves right now. I was literally tearing up reading this.

Y'all talk about not outing people and letting them do it in their own time when they feel comfortable with it and then turn around and pull shit like this. What? Because you don't like her books or characters? Because of some stupid puritan view that if it's not written by an out and proud queer person, it's not valid and doesn't deserve to exist? Whatever your opinion on representation and own voices, NOTHING gives you the right to harass someone about their identity. You may very well be harming a member of the community you somehow think you're protecting or defending, and even if Becky was straight (as she herself believed all that time) it's an extremely shitty thing to do. What business is it of yours to know someone's sexuality or gender identity or literally anything else? Becky may be a public figure, but she's also a person and it feels like (not for the first time) some of y'all forget that.

This next bit is mostly relevant to how people reacted because they believed she was straight and to a lot of opinions I've seen from people on writing diversely.

I literally don't understand some of you some time. You want representation, but when someone tries to give it to you, you throw it back in their face because you decided it didn't come from the 'right' place. #ownvoices is important and we should always be looking to lift up and promote minority authors writing about their own identities, BUT, there is nothing wrong with straight person writing a queer character or a white person writing a character of colour or an able-bodied person writing a disabled character or LITERALLY ANY PERSON WRITING OUTSIDE THEIR OWN LIVED EXPERIENCES. That is something we should be actively encouraging and appreciating from people who want to do it, not something we should be tearing into them for. It's different if they write those characters offensively and the representation they include is harmful, but y'all are awful to people who actually give a shit and are writing these characters because they care as well.

Obviously I'm not saying you can't critique these things and if an author has overlooked something or included something offensive in their portrayal that they maybe didn't even realise, then of course they should be called out on it. But most authors who actually write diversely will do the research and put care into their portrayals because they really just want to give people the representation they want and deserve and why the fuck shouldn't they? Yes maybe they'll miss the mark and fall short sometimes but at least they care enough to try and to improve when they're told they've made mistakes with it.

You complain if they do it and you complain if they don't, so tell me what exactly is it you want? Because there literally seems to be no way to win and all you do when you tell someone they can't write about something they haven't experienced is give the people who don't want to include representation in their work a perfect excuse to continue like that rather than push everyone to be better and more inclusive.

I hope this acts as a lesson to some of you and you'll reevaluate or at the very least think twice the next time a situation like this happens (because I'm sure it probably will again).

Finally, I'm extremely saddened that this is how it had to happen for her, but I'm glad to have Becky as part of the bi community now and I wish her all the best 💖💜💙

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 4

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language ; Angst ; Mention of drinking

Word Count : 2.7k

You sprinted out to your trailer and ignoring Hemsworth's calls in the process. Once you got inside your safe space, your leaned against the door and let yourself slide down, crying your heart out, a mix of emotions going over you : sadness, disappointment, anger, shame. Your mind kept replaying Rebecca's word on a loop and you lost it completely until you eventually fell asleep on the couch. You were woken up by knocks on your door. You sighed heavily not wanting to face anyone but the person behind the door was persistent. You opened up not bothering in cleaning the traces of your sadness. Elisabeth entered in your trailer and without a word hugged you. A fresh new wave of tears cascaded down your face while she was rubbing your arms in support. "I heard the news, I'm so sorry Y/N." You nodded, hiding yourself from her. "The cast is also worried but wanted to give you some space. They send their regards to you nonetheless", she continued slowly.

You sat down on the couch and took a deep breath before exclaiming, "God this sucks." She sat beside you, comforting you. "It does. I don't know what came over the ones in charge, you were doing so good. I don't understand. Now we have to reshoot the scenes all over again", she told you. "Months of preparation and hard work and I didn't even get the chance to prove myself", you replied with a cracking voice. She grabbed your face and looked into your eyes, "Listen to me Y/N, you are strong and will nail the Shield agent part. I know you will, so show them what they lost." You nodded and hugged her tightly. "Thank you Lizzie." She wiped out the remaining tears and told you that RDJ was hosting another get together for the newbie. "I know it's delicate but it would be good if you were present." You shook your head, "I'm sorry I can't. I won't be able to be there and act like nothing happened. Rebecca, she…", you said but cut short to it. "She what Y/N?", asked Lizzie. "No nothing, it's nothing. I can't go, I'm sorry and besides I have work to do in memorizing the new lines." She nodded in understanding and left. "If you need anything you know where to find me." You thanked her again and saw her leaving.

Meanwhile during RDJ's get together

Just like they did to you, Scarlet and Mackie showed Rebecca around while doing small-talk and trying to get to know her. "I guess you will have to catch on fast on all the fighting moves for the scenes?", remarked Mackie. "Oh I think it will not be so difficult, I'm a fast learner and in good shape, I'm sure I'll know all of it in two days' time", she replied all smiling. "Ohhhkay", replied Mackie slightly taken aback by her assurance. They arrived at Downey Town and the rest of the cast greeted her. Elisabeth put on a her best fake smile while doing so, smile that caught the attention of Rebecca, who saved that expression for her future plans. She asked about the shooting so far and felt particularly intrigued at one of Robert's remarks. "I'm curious how you will top Y/N's chemistry with Chris." She gave him a skeptical look and asked, "What do you mean?" The older actor cleared his throat and replied back with a teasing smirk, "Y/N and Chris are love interests in the movie and their chemistry showed onscreen because it was already flawless offscreen." She scoffed not believing her ears. "Well it's a good thing that she won't play Chris's love interest anymore, since I'm Y/C/N now. I'm not afraid, I like a challenge, if we could call that one." "You seem really confident there?", mumbled Hemsworth from the other end of the table. "I know my strengths and what I want in life. Once there's something I want, I'll do everything I can to obtain it." Some actors nodded, not understanding the whole meaning of her words. "That's a good philosophy", replied Mark with a smile.

After a while, she set her plan in motion. "I don't want to overstep or anything, I mean you've been around her longer than I have but I don't get why you're all praising Y/N so much. I mean, I met her the day they revealed us who was casted and had some time to chat with her and she just seemed extremely rude to me." The cast frowned at her words, not really believing her. "Nonsense, Y/N is one of the sweetest people I know", counterattacked Elisabeth. Rebecca gasped and said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause trouble or implying anything, it was just my feeling at that moment, the way she talked about some of you and all." The last part caught everyone's attention. "What do you mean 'talked about some of us'?", asked Tom cautiously. She shook her head and said, "You know what? Just forget that I said anything. I don't want any drama or whatever. I just want to be part of this already established family and do good in the movie." The rest of the cast looked around at each other thinking about her words, some not entirely sure if they should believe her since they've spend time with you and saw that you weren't like that. At the same time, some others began to question themselves, because they didn't know you for long.

Elisabeth was fuming, seeing an outsider not only take the place that was rightfully yours but criticize you on top of it. "Thank you Robert for diner. I'm going to bed", she said before abruptly standing up and leaving the table. "She seems upset", said Rebecca with her best sweet voice. "Yeah, she's friends with Y/N. I don't think your little comments from earlier made her happy", announced Jeremy. She bowed her head in fake shame but was mentally smirking. "I'm really sorry it wasn't my attention", she whispered with a cracking voice. "Hey let's not worry about that. Think of it as a new start, focus on your job and everything will go fine", comforted RDJ in a fatherly manner. She nodded and thanked him before excusing herself and call it a night. "I planted the seed, now I'll have to wait until the little bees come and collect their nectar", she mumbled proudly to herself once in her trailer.

It's been a few days since the recasting. You would either stay inside your trailer, hit the gym to let some steam off or spend time at the small cafe around the corner, going over your part in the script. You began shutting everyone out one by one because you were trying to focus on how you wanted to embody the tech agent without turning it into a complete cliché. The more you stepped back the more Rebecca used it against you to get closer to the cast and have them on her side. She began dropping hints here and there about your absence and how antisocial you were.

One day, she took advantage of Elizabeth not being present to criticize you. "It makes me wonder if she really cared hanging out for you or because of how much she could gain in being associated with you", she said once when they were on the lunch break. "Why are you always talking bad about her?", asked Mark slightly annoyed of hearing her complain all the time. She swallowed harshly and put on her best innocent act. "I'm just frustrated. I know she hates me, she has made it clear but it just annoys me that she talks shit about you but when she's in front of you, she acts all friendly and all. Her hypocrisy makes me sick." It was Chris (Evans)'s turn to speak up. "You keep saying that but do you have any prove of it."

She scoffed annoyed before bursting out, "I know she keeps asking questions about your personal life for example, just like a stalker would. You must be blind to not see how smitten she is about you. It doesn't only revolve around you but goes beyond. I was drinking some water after a scene and saw a phone churn on the table. I recognized her phone and a certain Scott Evans was texting her. I suppose it's your brother", she finished. Chris clenched his jaw in anger, not believing you would go that far to get to him. "Is it true? Did you noticed it too?", he asked around him. Some of the actors seemed uncomfortable because it was indeed true that there was a time where you would ask them about Chris and his personal life. "It happened once or twice", revealed Scarlet. Rebecca saw the glimpse of the prominent fracture occur in front of her eyes and pushed it further. "And other things she does. I overheard her once on the phone when I was walking to my trailer, where she was criticizing you Scarlet, saying that she didn't know how people could be so dumb and believe in your talent. She said you were just a body and with no talent behind. It clearly shows how jealous she in fact is. Or when she said how you Mackie should shut the fuck up already because your jokes weren't funny at all", she rambled while pointing at them. "And let me not start with what she said about you Robert." "It's enough, I don't want to hear about it", he replied not interested. The thick air surrounded the cast, Scarlet, Mackie and Chris fuming about what they just heard. Chris stood up angrily and walked away, isolating himself in his own trailer, thinking about what he should do with all these information.

Today was your first scene as the Shield agent. You walked out of the makeup trailer and marched to the set. When you arrived you saw that they were still filming a scene and not just only a scene. THE scene, where Steve and what was supposed to be your character, would share their first kiss. You saw Rebecca launching on Chris's lips and it made you sick. "It was supposed to be me", the thought crossing your mind. You bowed down your head before taking control of your emotions and focus on your part. You left your phone on silence next to your chair and went over your lines one last time. "Y/N? you're up", you heard one of the Russo brothers shout. You stood up, leaving your script and phone on the chair and got in position to shoot your scene. While you were shooting a scene between Mark and RDJ, Chris sat on his own chair who was beside yours. He was taking a gulp of his water when the reflection of the screen beside him caught his attention. It wasn’t his intention to look at it but when he saw his brother's name, he paled.

From Scott Evans : Hey Y/N, how are you? How has it been going regarding Chris?

His blood began to boil and he clenched his jaw in fury. "So it is true", he quietly mumbled to himself. You finished your scene and head back to your seat. You noticed Chris looking angry and frowned. "Everything alright?", you asked him. "We need to talk !", he spat. You were taken aback by his hostility and before you could answer, he stood up and walked away, leaving you dumbfounded. The small altercation didn't go unnoticed by some of the cast and especially Rebecca who was biting on her lip in order to control her grin. "The fuck", you whispered to yourself. You continued your work the best you could but Chris's expression and tone he employed were always on your mind. During breaks, Mackie would make jokes but because you were thinking about the altercation, you wouldn't laugh. "Jeez, apparently some do think my jokes suck and instead of telling it to my face, just prefer to be fake", he said while looking directly at you. You didn't caught the meaning behind his words but it still sting a little to you. The day was over for you and left the others behind who still had two scenes to shoot.

Elizabeth approached Mackie and asked him what was his comment about. "Nothing, forget about it", he just replied before turning around and rolling his eyes at her for defending you. She walked to Scarlet with a frown and the blond actress asked her what was going on. "I don't know, I feel like everyone is just being cold with Y/N and I have no idea why", mumbled Lizzie. Scarlet cleared her voice before commenting, "I don't know, maybe Y/N isn't who she pretends to be." To that, Lizzie looked at Scarlet in the eyes and with an annoyed expression, "What is that supposed to mean?" Scarlet sighed not really in the mood but eventually told Lizzie what was going on. "That's why we're keeping our distances. Chris found out today that she's indeed in contact with his brother and that the main topic of conversation was Chris." Lizzie gasped not believing her words. "Come on Elizabeth we know you're friends but you're not that close. You've worked together, what, 5 years ago. People change and besides it's not like it's a close friend of yours. She might be using you too", declared Scarlet. Lizzie was lost, not knowing who to believe in. It was indeed true that you weren't that close. If it wasn't for Aaron she probably wouldn't even know you but still she found it hard to believe.

You were finishing putting on your clothes when harsh knocks were heard on your door. You quickly buttoned your jeans and put on your sneakers before opening the door and seeing Chris stand in front of you. "Can I come in?", he asked with a firm voice. "Ehm sure", you replied with a frown. The air was thick and uncomfortable. "So what do you wanted to talk about?", you asked. He sighed before looking angrily at you. "I don't know why you've been asking around about me but I don't like when people put their nose where they don't belong, especially if it involves my family." Your mouth opened in shock and your face was burning in shame. "Wha-what?", you whispered. "I know you've been texting my brother about me and I also know you've got a thing for me." He walked closer and you took a step back, the movement making him stop. He took a deep breath before declaring, "You and me. It's never gonna happen, so stop stalking me. Don't talk to me ever again and stay away from my family !" You stood there in shock and felt the silent tears sliding down your face. "Get out", you whispered. "What did you say?", he asked. You gulp harshly, "Get out ! GET OUT ! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TRAILER"!, you shouted in despair, pushing him out. His eyes went wide and he almost tripped while exiting. You smashed the door on his face and felt on the ground, crying, deeply hurt by his words. Mason who was on his way to your trailer, saw you pushing Chris out of your trailer, a crying mess and he had to control himself to not launch on him and punch him in the face. He followed Chris until he was out of sight and his eyes landed on Rebecca who was hiding in a corner, smiling proudly. He promised himself to dig into it and have an eye on the one he immediately felt a bad connection with.

You took your phone, wrote Scott a small and vague message before deleting his number. You cleaned your face and got out, heading to the cornerstone. Once you arrived at the aisle you were looking for your gaze fixed for a long minute the bottle of whiskey in front of you. You grabbed two bottles along a bag of chips, so that the cashier wouldn't find it suspicious. You payed him and grabbed the bag before quickly heading back to your trailer. You took the groceries out and opened the first bottle, taking a large gulp from it. Burning your throat, the liquor gave you the comfort you needed. You kept on drinking until you couldn't stand on your feet. You opened the second bottle and drank from it until it was half empty before passing out on the floor.

* gifs not mine, credit to owner*

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[confusedinfj]

The INFJ'S Guidebook to People: Spotting Isfps

So you've tried typing by the letters and by the cognitive functions. Now you're looking to verify your typing makes sense. What are some key attritubes you should be looking for...?

A real isfp is...

Easily hurt.

Usually an excellent judge of character. Isfps don't often have mean friends, but if they do it doesn't last long.

Often used. Isfps are kind people who can be a bad judge of character every now and again.

Inclined to think of themself as a victim. To be fair to isfps, they often complain about perfectly legitimate things. But their Fi can cause them to stay stuck in the past to an unhealthy point, and their Ni may be used to incorrectly perceive further attempts to hurt them. For this reason, isfps may take offense at seemingly random things.

Short tempered.

Sweet. They can be so sweet when they want to be.

Good at sympathy. Unless they're in a bad mood.

A happy, cheery person.

Also a kind of sad, hurting person.

Moody. Unless they're well developed, Fi can control isfps.

Thoughtful. When used well, Fi makes isfps sweet, kind, and caring.

Friendly. Likely to be the person at the party who breaks the ice and makes everyone friends.

Lonely. Likely to be the person who ends up standing more or less alone at a party because everyone made friends and then they felt left out.

Not always good at telling who's actually there for them.

Very insecure. Tell your isfp you love them, and hug them even when they're grumpy. They need it 😉

Able to be manipulative liars. Not likely to be though, since they hate such people and don't want to be that person.

Usually aware of their flaws deep down.

Sometimes living in their own fantasy world. Isfps in a Fi-Ni loop can develop a totally unrealistic perception of reality, in which everyone hates them and they are all alone. Use of Se is recommended to escape this hole.

Probably not a fan of mbti if they've learned they're an isfp. Isfps seem to be willing to accept the I, f, and p letters in their type, but almost never the s. They often seem to enjoy mbti until they're told they're an s, at which point they become angry about putting people in boxes. 🤣 I would like to clarify for them that isfps are actually very intuitive, and since they have Ni are actually more intuitive than those with Ne (where intuition = pure vibes).

Intuitive. They may be a sensor, but isfps are still intuitive people who like to go with their gut. Sadly, if in a Fi-Ni loop, their gut can feed their paranoia.

Really Funny, in a silly way.

Fun. Just the right amount of Se for a non sensor 😂

Talkative.

A bit of a tortured soul. Think of a poet who writes depressed poems about love being dead.

Often too romantic to recognise when they're in love or deeply attached to someone. Just because someone makes you angry or upset doesn't mean you don't love them.

Very book-smart. Not always good at applying what they learn though.

Not always good at remembering details. Likely to relay facts incorrectly. For example, my isfp grandpa was convinced world war one started because of a soccer match. Not sure where he heard that, but it took him about an hour on google to accept he was wrong.

Fast learners when they apply themselves.

Creatively inclined. Not all isfps use their natural creative talents often, but it's a good way to use Se for the more intraverted isfps.

Likely to mistaken for a T. Often mistaken for a T. This is because they value making a change in the world around them, and aren't afraid to develop their inferior Function - Te.

Likely to be mistaken for an Extravert.

Likely to mistype as their parent of the same sex. So an isfp male with an enfp father will almost always mistype as an enfp. This is because isfps aren't really self aware.

No stranger to the occasional temper tantrum.

Pretty particular. They like things a certain way, even if they're not always clean and organised.

Likely to remember how something felt rather than how it actually happened. Not good when they get in a Fi-Ni loop.

Things a real isfp might say...

'This is completely wrong' about this post, or any other post about isfps.

'we need to prepare ourselves for the frog revolution' or similar amusing statement.

Something about fantasy. Isfps love fantastical worlds. Often stated so matter of factly that at first you think they're telling you history.

'I don't believe in love' or equivalent emo statement.

Something that deeply hurts you, cos they know exactly what to say.

Something that deeply moves you, cos they know exactly what to say.

A memory that is completely messed up.

An idea they want to discuss.

An example of a happy but hurting isfp - David Suchet