#and they all just wish they could ethically get rid of me

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Hey!

Just read „Mirror Mirror“ and I saw that you‘re still taking requests so here’s something! :))

I saw a fanart of Ascended Astarion smoking and blowing the smoke seductively into Tavs mouth, who’s sitting in his lap and I swear, that’s some hot stuff!

So I‘ve been thinking about Astarion sitting in his study, still all dressed up in a fancy outfit, doing some important paperwork (he is such an important politician now after all) and smoking a cigarette or cigar with a nice glass of whiskey, looking so powerful and then Tav comes in and sees him, finding all of this incredibly hot and takes her rightful place in his lap…. ;)

I see your vision and I respect it. One small change is his outfit is fancyish but a lil on the casual side since he's at home. But still scary prettyman!

TW: Graphic smut, spoilers for the game with embellishments, ascended astarion acting like himself, though in a mild form since this is mostly just banging and fluff.

~

Astarion sighed as he set the paper down, rubbing at his temples as he considered his options. The letter from Mizora was tempting, to say the least. A personal assassin that could materialize out of thin air obviously had its perks. But... the terms were concerning, solely for the fact that they were too simple. A year of her services in exchange for a place to stay in Baldur's Gate, at his home.

He was tempted. But the thought of that devil having such clear access to you was non-negotiable. Especially when he had no insight on her motivations. No, he'd have to find another way to get rid of his political rivals, preferably without getting personally involved. He did so love the heroic image he had cultivated amongst the common folk, one that would be hard to maintain if he was caught with his fangs digging in the nape of the Captain of the Guard.

What a headache.

He leaned back in his chair, thoughtful as he took another drag of his cigarette, his drink in his other hand. No one said that regional domination would be easy. He just wished it wasn't so irritating. Maybe they shouldn't have gotten rid of Gortesh after all, he was a backstabbing little weasel but at least then Astarion wouldn't have to deal with pesky things like ethics. But that was too little too late. It's not like he could un-decapitate the man.

Astarion paused his musings when something started to tickle at the back of his mind. A presence, lurking in the darkness. Astarion smiled to himself as he set his whiskey down, calling out into the black hallway, "I see you over there pet."

Astarion grinned as you came into view, already relaxing at the mere sight of you. You leaned against the doorway, clad in nothing but a thin nightdress. Thin enough for him to nearly be able to see through it, your feet bare. You looked delicious, the perfect distraction from his troubled thoughts.

"Am I disturbing you?" You asked coyly, fully aware that you never could. There you were, the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him. His favorite pet, his most precious treasure. How could you ever disturb him?

Astarion chuckled as he leaned back in his chair, "Would you care?"

"Not particularly," You sighed as you waltzed into the room, "Especially considering how I'm the one who has been kept waiting."

Astarion rolled his eyes, ignoring the little dig as he patted his lap, "Come here my love, let me get a better look at you."

You went easily, settling into his lap with a happy sigh. 

"Such a pretty thing," Astarion murmured as he looked you over, his dick already twitching at the sight of you; your nipples pebbling in the cold air, completely visible through the light cloth. You looked divine. 

Astarion let his hand creep up your thigh, playing with the hem of your short slip as he took another drag. One that he decided to share. Astarion gripped you by the chin, a soft order escaping his lips, “Open up darling.”

You popped your mouth right open, so obedient it made his heart sing. He breathed the smoke into your lungs, pressing a barely there kiss against your lips before he pulled back; happy to see the way your pupils were already dilated. 

"What are you doing out of bed my sweet?" Astarion asked, only a touch of discontentment coloring his voice. You knew how he felt about you wandering around at night, even in your own home. He liked to know where you were at all times, no ifs, ands, or buts. Though… looking over you once more, he supposed he could make an exception.

"No reason in particular," You said, an obvious lie. One that Astarion would be able to parse out even if he didn't have full access to your mind. It wasn't helping that you were already squirming in his lap, seemingly trying your best to discreetly arouse him even more.

Astarion set his cigarette down on the ashtray, moving to run his free hand through your hair before gripping it harshly, chuckling at the way it made you gasp.

"We talked about lying pet," Astarion murmured, the hand in your hair tightening, "Unless you're looking for a punishment?"

"Maybe I just missed you," You tried again, your breath already quickening. Astarion wouldn't be surprised if you were already dripping into your panties. You did love it when he got rough.

Besides, at least that was closer to the truth.

Astarion's hand crept further up your leg, caressing your inner thigh as you shuddered, "Have I been neglecting you pet? How inconsiderate of me. But I did warn you that it would be a busy week."

"But you seem tired," You mumbled, leaning in to start kissing up the line of his throat, your hands running up and down his chest, "You've been working so hard lately. Don't you think you've earned a break?"

"Kingdoms don't build themselves darling," Astarion shot back half-heartedly. But you both knew he was already sold. You had won the second you came into view, "But perhaps I could be convinced. Did you have something in mind?"

"Mm, I'm not sure," You said, like you weren't the one grinding your perfect ass against him like a whore, "But I'm sure we can think of something."

That was enough of the coy act. Astraion wretched your head back without warning, sinking his fangs into your neck. Perhaps you could have done with a warning, not that it would have mattered. He had earned the right to do with you as he pleased. You yelped at the unexpected pain but he could taste your arousal on his tongue, spiked through your blood. To this day it continued to be the sweetest thing he'd ever tasted.

Astarion popped off of you with a smirk, near giddy at seeing that hazy look already in your eyes. He trailed bloody kisses up your throat, "Good girls ask for what they want, don't they? Unless you're looking for a punishment."

You were nearly panting as you writhed in his lap, frustrated desperation seeping into your voice when you begged, "Fuck me? Please?"

It was a good start, but Astarion knew that you could do better. He laughed, his voice rough as his fangs scraped against your delicate skin, "I think you can try harder than that, darling."

You were gripping at his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as you whimpered, "Please my love? I’ve missed you all day. Don’t make me wait any longer."

“Have I been neglecting you, my treasure?” Astarion murmured, his hand trailing down from your hair, moving to slip the thin straps of your dress off of your shoulders. 

“You have,” You whined as he tugged on your dress, watching with rapt attention as he let it fall. He wasted no time in leaning forward to wrap his lips around your nipple; tasting you as you whimpered, “I-please Astarion. I need you inside me. It aches without you, I can’t take it. Please.”

Perfect words from perfect lips. That was the end of his manufactured patience. Astarion was already tearing your nightgown off completely, rendering it to tatters as he feasted on you with his eyes. He could buy you another, one in every color if you wished. But for now it was just in the way. 

He lifted you up onto the desk, ignoring your surprised gasp as you set you on the edge. His eyes were already narrowing downward, your cunt bare and glistening before him. 

Astarion ran his finger up the seam of it, grinning when he realized you were already dripping, “No panties tonight darling? Naughty girl."

"You don't like it?" You coyly asked as you worked to undo his belt, making quick work of getting his cock out, “I figured it was more economical to not let you tear apart everything I own.”

Astarion laughed as he spread your legs further apart, clever fingers working over your clit as you moaned, “Perhaps we should forget about clothing entirely then for you. It certainly would be more convenient.”

A complete bluff, one obvious enough to make you giggle. Though, it was a fun thought, one that Astarion would actually consider entertaining if he wasn’t so self-aware. No, it would take less than a day for him to rip out the eyes of the entire staff for seeing you like this, gorgeous, bare, and his. 

Your hands were shaking as you rubbed the head of him over your folds, your head thrown back as you moaned. He pushed into you hard and fast, groaning at how wonderfully soaked and tight you felt. There truly was nothing better. He gripped your hips, hard enough to bruise as you pulled you on and off his cock; your eyes rolling back into your head at the impressive display of strength. 

“T-Thank you, thank you,” You mewled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, tugging him down closer, “Feels good. So good. Love you so much.”

Astarion couldn’t help but smile at that, feeling just as lovesick and obsessed as the day he made you his. There really was nothing better than this, making love to the brightest part of his soul. You clinging onto him for dear life as he fucked into you, completely uncaring for the books and papers he was spilling onto the floor. Whispering sweet nothings into his ear, your legs wrapped around him; always trying to pull him closer.  

He wasn’t going to last long like this. But he’d be damned if you didn’t reach your peak first. He snaked a hand between the two of you, roughly rubbing circles onto your clit before capturing your lips in a deep kiss. 

You gasped as he played with you, your pussy clenching around him as you came. It felt divine, the perfect sensation to tip him right over the edge, coming deeply inside you while he panted into your mouth.

"I love you," You whispered against his lips, your voice still slurring as your body twitched from the aftershocks, “Love you so much.”

You were running your fingers through his hair as you lazily kissed each other, holding him so closely that it made his heart sing. 

“I love you too pet,” Astarion murmured back, meaning every word, “More than you’ll ever know.”

"Tired now,” You sighed as your nails pleasantly scratched his scalp, “Carry me upstairs?"

Astarion was already hefting you into his arms before you could finish the question, tucking himself back into his pants before lifting you up completely, "Of course my love."

As he walked you upstairs, Astarion was struck with the realization that he could barely remember what he had been worried about in the first place. He smiled to himself as you cuddled against his chest, leaning in to press a light kiss to your hair. 

You always knew just what he needed.

[capn-twitchery]

Two things have been on my mind: 1. Grace being a Monster Hunter makes sense for his affiliations, and yet the profession about becoming an inhuman apex predator feels strange for the mild mannered guy. I wonder, what does he think of his job and what it’s made of him? 2. If nonconsensual consumption of red honey is a new horror for Twitch, I wonder what they think of consensual caging, like on Titania in Sunless Skies. Choosing to undergo harvest or to eat “ethically sourced” honey must be bizarre, considering how it’s produced in the Neath. (submitted by @noblevagrant65 )

(i'm so sorry i missed this i didn't realise you don't get notifications for submissions on mobile!!) for grace:

i wish i had more interesting answers bc this is such an interesting question!! but sadly i only chose monster hunter bc of the job affiliations & main skills....annoyingly none of the ingame careers really fit grace at all!! so i don't think he really has the job in his Canon--only ingame for the item/gameplay

but thinking on making it fit somehow, i could see him having an interest in zee life? mostly out of resourcefulness for when he's on twitch's ship-what monsters are edible for when supplies are low, which ones are too dangerous to fight, what's the best place to shoot them with cannons, which ones do they need to keep twitch away from, that kind of thing.

but that doesn't make him much of a hunter still...just kind of a Guy With Knowledge. but maybe that knowledge just makes him a weird kind of monster "hunter" that knows how to get rid of monsters without jumping onto their back with a harpoon. the current fluke event has an option where you soothe the fluke with music instead of shooting it--maybe he just works in that way instead. that makes a Lot more sense to me

but sadly as cool as it would be he is very much not a peligin eyed human apex predator and i don't think he ever will be--i don't think it's changed him much! he can't go out for drinks with the other monster hunters bc he would look so out of place

and for twitch & the skies cages:

oh they would Hate the idea of consensual red honey, and anyone who takes it or agrees to be harvested for it. thy don't care how many excuses people make, there's no reason for red honey to exist bc there's no way for it to exist without suffering.

i can't figure out how exactly they would feel about the people signing up to be harvested--honestly they might flat out refuse to believe it. a "no surely you were coerced somehow into being here, there's no way anybody would want to go through this" kind of thing

other options are Angry, Disgusted, Outraged that they would willingly carry on the cycle that leads to making red honey. i don't think there would be any pity or compassion about what might make someone consider doing that to themselves--they'd be too caught up in their own anger about it (and considering in skies it's just artists trying to suffer for their art twitch would think they're selfish awful people)

their opinion would be: burn the entire place down, or stay so far away from it thy never have to think about it ever again

[angelsanarchy]

Righteousness of Man: Kappa x Y/N- Mini Series PRT 07

Tagging: @icarus-star @ithinkitstimetonap @kappasbbgirl @chainsawgvtsfvck @luzclarita57 @miniisunshine @romanroyapoligist @madamemaximoff06 @thirtyratsinasuit @ethical-cain-vinnel @blueberrypancakesworld @dumbbitchdelrey @loljustignoreth4t @tvgirlsbluehair @s0ulfulll @mommymilkers0526 @vomiting-blood @ultrakissed @hisemoslut @lustkillers @s-0lar @roryculkinsgf dukesofsp00ks thirtyratsinasuit

After that night, Kappa changed his tune a bit. Instead of being a disciplinary with Y/n, he's softened his actions. He worships her body every night, sometimes eating her out for hours until she's overstimulated and demanding he go to bed. Kappa has become a slave to her every wish.

If she has a taste for something, he orders someone to retrieve it. If she's cold, he builds a fire, even in the middle of the day. He doesn't allow her to have a need that goes overlooked. Y/n however hasn't let her guard down. She knows that Kappa didn't just suddenly become a sucker romantic because she made him cum from pegging him, despite him having her do it at least twice a week.

Y/n is lying in the grass, enjoying the sun on her skin when Kappa starts kissing her belly. She pays him no mind until she hears him almost humming against her skin.

"I think we should start a family." Kappa said, continuously stroking her skin.

"I'm pretty sure that's what all those people over there are." She pointed to the rest of the people down on the ranch but Kappa sat up to look down at her.

"No I mean you and me, we should have a baby." She let's out a chuckle.

"A baby? You plan on carrying it?" She teased but Kappa persisted.

"Seriously, let's have one....or twelve." He grinned.

"Now I know you're crazy." She shook her head but Kappa sighed.

"Are you planning on leaving me?" His demeanor changed.

"What? Kappa, I never said I was leaving. What brought all this on exactly?" Y/n sat up on her elbows and he ran his hand through his hair.

"I just want you to have a reason to stay. I don't want you to get bored of the life here, bored of me..." Kappa was never quite this pathetic. It left a strange taste in Y/n's mouth.

"And you think knocking me up will somehow make me stay forever? You know that's not exactly how the nuclear families are made, right?" She poked fun at him but he clenched his jaw.

"You don't want to make a baby with me?" Kappa questioned. Y/n sighed at the question.

"Kappa, babies can't live in the desert on bonfire food and a trailer that fits barely a person. It would be impossible to provide for a child here, with the limited resources-" He cut her off.

"Those are all bullshit excuses and you know it. I would take care of you and our baby. I would protect you both and make sure you never went without...why don't you want to have a baby with me!?" He pressed.

"Your ideas for the world, the vision you have...they are much bigger than me...bigger than what I can give you. You don't need me-"

"I do! I do need you and I don't just need you, I want you! I want to start the revolution with you! I want our children to grow up in a world without the need for all these machines telling us whats real and what's not!" Kappa took her hands in his and Y/n knew he was desperate.

"Do you believe I love you?" Kappa asked firmly and Y/n nodded her head.

"Yes Kappa, I know you love me." Y/n affirmed his belief so he was less paranoid.

"Then let me make love to you. Let me put a baby inside of you so we can create the new world how we deem fit." Kappa crawled over her body and Y/n knew if she tried to argue, it wouldn't do her any good. Kappa had a one track mind.

"What if its not easy? What if I can't give you a baby?" Y/n asked as Kappa stripped her out of her shorts and tank, rushing to rid himself of his slacks and shirt.

"Our love could build two worlds. I want to fill this one with as many of us as possible." Kappa resumed his position atop Y/n and she watched him spit in his palm to tug himself hard.

"I love you Y/n. I love you so much." Kappa entered her cunt and let himself moan out loud. Y/n let her knees bend against his hips so she could enjoy this out of the ordinary fuck.

"Oh fuck your cock feels so good." Y/n gripped his bare ass and Kappa let his hair hang in his face.

"It's all for you my queen. My cock belongs to you. My heart belongs to you. My seed belongs to you." Kappa thrust his cock frantically, gripping her thighs in his hands, trying not to let the sweat from the heat make him lose his grip on her.

"Is that what you want Kappa? To put a baby in my belly? You want to cum inside of me so deep that your seed creates new life?" Y/n panted.

"Y-yes. Yes I want that. I want that more than anything." Kappa pleaded.

"Than cum inside of me Kappa. Give me your cum and let it create life, a new life...to start a new world." Y/n felt herself cumming and could feel Kappa's hips stuttering as he let out a loud moan.

"I'm cumming! Fuck I'm cumming." He kept thrusting as if he could push his load further than her cervix and win some sort of prize baby on the spot.

Once Kappa had stopped, he stayed inside of her. He laid atop her, resting his head on her sweaty chest.

"I can't wait for this to be real. I want it all with you, my love. You will be a beautiful mother." Kappa kissed Y/n's breasts as he tried to calm himself.

She couldn't lie and say the sex was ever bad with Kappa. The sex was always good. She enjoyed having him try different things with her but the moment he started talking about children, Y/n knew her time with Kappa was now on a clock.

Soon he would realize what brought her here, why Y/n had let him bring her into his world and just how wrong he was for letting himself fall in love with a stranger.

[generalgrievoussummerbod]

I was possessed by the spirit of I-have-to-draw-toxic-yuri-immediately a few nights ago:

Actually finished a piece! My beloved menace of an azata nature oracle KC Dornik, and her beloved menace of a girlfoe Wenduag 🥰. Obsessed with rotating these two in my head and trying to find a way for them to work out 😛. Wendu is…not ethically unchallenging but I thrive on terrible ideas and drawing them gives me life soooooo.

A little characterisation under the cut (cw for extremely brief kink mention) .

Dornik pictured somewhere in Act 3 using teacher/student kink + flattery + sharing immediately useful information about war and magic to bribe Wenduag into listening to how her own (very different) coping mechanisms and ideas on ethical leadership work (this mostly boils down to ‘find something that makes you happy you can believe in no matter what, and be an anarchist’) while also flirting horribly, because she’s the normalest girl (nb) in the world and cannot be stopped. And also really, really wants Wenduag to be OK but you can’t just say that to her face 🥲.

Wenduag pictured just going for it because Dornik is built to be climbed like a tree and also constantly dropping hints she doesn’t want this power and would love to democratise it (for example, by saying “I hate and having so much personal power power, I wish I could democratise it more effectively”), so maybe she’ll find a way to get rid of it and then maybe there would be all that power lying around and neither of those opportunities come ‘round every day 👀. Also it’s nice to be listened to and respected and prioritised, and have your desires catered to only with actual fucking safety and aftercare, and have reliable food and comfortable shelter and good company, but those are nonsense things for weaklings unless you take them for yourself so it doesn’t mean anything right?

[summercourtship]

stay to burn (only to drown instead): chapter six: karma [part II]

masterpost | ao3 link

jonathan crane x reader; bruce wayne x reader; edward nashton x reader | warnings: canon typical violence, sexual content | word count: 6355 words

DISCLAIMER: these chapters are not meant to be read alone. not every chapter has content for one of the three pairings listed. this is an ongoing fanfiction that I am cross-posting here on tumblr, not a series of one-shots.

chapter one |previous part

“Aren’t scarecrows supposed to be like… nice? Getting rid of birds, helping crops, you know?”

You were sitting in the hallway of a university building you were rarely in, waiting for the door to open to your next class which had been relocated for the day, when a conversation a few feet away from you drifted down to you.

“Maybe it’s ironic? I dunno, he might’ve not come up with it himself. I mean, the mask, sure, but maybe the newspapers came up with his name.”

“Well, I was reading this thread-”

“On Twitter? Or Reddit?”

The silence that followed the girl's question apparently said it all, if the other girl’s disgusted scoff was anything to go off of. Of course, Twitter should be the only source of reliable information.

You rolled your eyes, but kept them trained at your notebook, your hand paused above the paper, any thoughts of writing dashed as you focused on your eavesdropping. You doubted either of them had any information you didn’t already have, especially if the only two sources they could think of were social media sites. But you wished they would just talk about it so you could know if they were even worth eavesdropping on!

“Anyway, I was reading this thread and it pointed out that all of the places he has targeted are Gotham’s largest suppliers of dopamine. He’s even been able to get shipments as they’ve arrived in the harbor, before they’ve gotten to the warehouses.”

No, I know that. Give me something new, something concrete, something else I can look into.

“Maybe he’s just really sad.” Her friend sounded incredibly disinterested. You held back another scoff, because while you hadn’t exactly done the best in your high school chemistry class, you had done enough research now to know that dopamine by itself wasn’t used to increase happiness, even though it was known as the happiness chemical.

“It scares me, though. Anyone stealing chemicals…” Her voice drifted away from you, the girls obviously packed up and started to move away to sit somewhere else in the building, though you’re sure she was going on about Sarin gas attacks or anthrax. The usual examples when people talked about biological weapons and terrorism.

But something she said set off an alarm bell in your brain, the offhand comment she had made about the situation scaring her, something in it reminding you of something else. Only for the thought to be dashed by the loud clang of the door banging against the wall, a stream of students filing out as their class had ended. Quickly, you wrote what she said down on a scrap of paper before ripping it out of the notebook and slipping it into your pocket.

You stood up, putting your notebook back into your bag. You went through your normal classes like you were in a trance, turning in your assignments on time and getting your usual decent grades but never rising above it. No, you were well aware that you were saving your energy and good work ethic for Dr. Crane’s class, even though you didn’t have much to do anymore. It wasn’t like you were doing the assignments and he’d stopped having you grade them two weeks ago.

Well, at least I’ll have Arkham to focus on soon.

It wasn’t necessarily a happy thought, but it was something. The approach of another new chapter in your life was nerve-wracking, especially one that you had no parameters for what to expect. You had no expectations for what the job would be like, due to Jonathan still not giving you much information besides “it’s a secretarial job”. Which would be fine, if you had any outside experience for what that entailed, but your knowledge of receptionist/secretary jobs came purely from film and television, and that’s not saying much.

When you returned home that night, you put the scrap of paper from your pocket on the wall of your living room on the few previously blank feet of space beside the balcony door. You’d felt a bit like a mad woman when you’d started it, but stepping back and looking at the clippings from the newspaper and printed articles, pictures and your handwritten notes gave you a sense of satisfaction you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

In the center of it all, pinned to the wall with a clear thumb tack, was the wrinkled list you’d made the morning after your first encounter with the Scarecrow.

Yes, you’d told Jonathan that you wouldn't look into the Scarecrow. But once the idea had planted itself in your brain, it was impossible to uproot it. At least you hadn’t moved on to the next stage of your research, which you’d been toying around with. You were, admittedly, tired of just scouring the internet and newspapers for information. You wanted to go and find it yourself.

But you held off, having enough self-preservation to keep you safe in your apartment. For now, at least. After all, it was the same urge to find the information yourself and not second-hand that led you to the mayor’s funeral and the election night party at Gotham Square.

You were examining the collage when you noticed out of the window the familiar warm light of the Bat Signal, bright against the dark sky. There was no moon tonight, something you noted passively. They say that the full moon makes people behave weird. But in your experience, it was the new moon that made them bold.

Pulling the thin curtain over the door shut, your mind couldn’t stop itself from wandering to thoughts of the Batman. Mainly, you wondered what he was doing, who he was fighting. Because if the signal was lit, he was surely out there fighting and trying to make Gotham safer, even if it was ultimately a futile effort. If it was lowly criminals like robbers or vandals, or if he was going after a real villain, the kind that would haunt your nightmares. You wondered if he had any encounters with the Scarecrow, what he thought about it all. Surely, he must’ve at least looked into it, stealing chemicals was a big deal, right?

Tugging at the sleeve of your cardigan, you tried to ignore the pit in your stomach as you thought about whether you’d ever see him again.

“I’m applying for an internship at Wayne Enterprises.”

Jonathan’s pen stopped scratching against his paper for a moment before continuing as if it never stopped.

“Why there?” Jonathan didn’t look up from his desk. You were splayed out on one of the leather chairs in front of his desk, your knees hooked over the arm and your head hanging over the other side. You held a book over your face, which wasn’t even one you needed to read for a class. It was a familiar title, one you’d read a few times before and had come to think of as a comfort book.

Jonathan was working on something that he hadn’t felt the need to tell you about, but he hadn’t given you anything else to grade or look over. But since you’d begun to see each other more often outside of a professional context, it felt weird to not attend your office hours with him, even if you had nothing to do.

Hence, your book.

“They had one.” You shrugged, still not looking at him but from the corner of your eye. “And there was one as a records assistant. Personally, I think they’re still scrambling after the Renewal money-laundering shit was blown wide open. I know there’s been a few statements from Bruce Wayne saying that he’s starting from the ground up with that whole project, but who knows how long that’ll take. But the internship would be a good experience, even if my hands aren’t actually getting dirty in the files.”

While you were speaking, Jonathan had put his pen down and shut the folio he was working in with an air of finality before getting out of his chair and crossing around the desk to stand by you.

You rested your book down on your chest, looking up at him.

“Hi.” You smiled. “Are you sure there’s nothing for me to do?”

“I can think of something.”

You swung your legs down from the arm, sitting up properly in the seat. Your book fell to your lap, and you’re not even sure you remembered to mark your place. But, ultimately, it didn’t matter. Because he was right in front of you, looking like a carved statue of a man. Picturesque, unreal.

He plucked the book off of your lap, examining the back.

“I didn’t take you as someone who’d like this kind of book.”

“Well, I’m full of surprises.”

“That you are.” He handed the book back, leaning over you to place it on your lap before bracing himself on the arm of the chair, his face right in front of yours. “So, have you put in your application for this internship?”

“It was due two days ago, so yes.” You looked at his lips but didn’t make any moves.

“I’m a bit disappointed you didn’t ask me to look over it.” He returned the favor.

“You’ve seemed so busy lately, and I didn’t want to add to it.” You shrugged, your voice barely above a whisper. “Besides, it was pretty basic.”

“I see.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear back from them, don’t worry.” You didn’t add that you didn’t think you would hear back, that internships at Wayne Enterprises were highly coveted amongst upperclassmen and recent graduates alike. An internship there could give you powerful connections for the rest of your professional and personal life.

He seemed to sense your resignation about the position, frowning slowly. Whatever bubble that’d been building between you popped, and you were brought back to the reality of the moment- you were in a stuffy office and posed awkwardly in an uncomfortable chair.

“They would be lucky to have you.” He straightened up, moving away from your chair again. “But don’t overload yourself with work.”

“Do you expect Arkham to increase my workload?”

“Not at all. But it is stressful, at times.”

“I’ve been working retail for the past year. I think I can handle it.”

He only smiled, which was a relief because you had meant it as a joke and weren’t sure you could handle a lecture from him right now about how retail was actually nothing like working in an asylum. Not at all.

Because you were just going to be Jonathan’s assistant, the hiring process had been simple. So simple it didn’t quite seem legitimate. But you filled out the same tax forms as all the other jobs you worked, so at least you were employed in the eyes of the IRS. And that was legitimate enough for you.

Scanning over the contract for employment with Arkham, you didn’t miss how it was for one full year of employment. When you’d pointed it out to Jonathan, he simply shrugged and said the asylum was understaffed and needed to ensure they’d have enough people for at least a little while. When you asked if you needed to sign the contract that held you in that job for a year, he said it was non-negotiable. You knew that signing it didn’t mean they would force you to stay at the asylum if you wanted to quit, but it was enough to give you pause.

It meant that you had no easy way out if things should go south, that you couldn’t just up and leave like you had your last job. It would mean actually discussing leaving with Jonathan before you left, the prospect of which was slightly terrifying.

But with Jonathan standing over your shoulder, you quickly got over it and signed.

Taking your papers, Jonathan entered his office, leaving the door open behind him, an obvious invitation to follow. You entered, ignoring the ridiculous feeling that you had just signed over your soul and were now in the Devil's Den.

“I’ll get these returned to the hiring manager later. Today won’t be your first official day here but I’ll give you a more in depth tour of the building than the one you received last time.”

“Right.” You bit your lip. “And when will my first official day be…?”

“We can discuss scheduling when we get back to my office.”

With that, you left his office, passing by the sad desk that would become your new workspace. You already had some vague ideas of what you wanted to do with your area, items and decor to make it seem more home-y.

“Most of the places I will show you are necessary for you to know, at least their locations. If I need you to run papers around the building, it will be important for you to know where exactly you’re going and the most effective way to get there. And Arkham can be a bit… labyrinthine.”

An SAT word, nice. You think it to yourself jokingly, but he was right. The hallway layout of the hospital made no sense, especially not when you considered that these buildings had been renovated so many times in their history which should have made it more accessible rather than less.

“And paperwork will be the main part of your job.”

You walked quickly through the halls, down a single flight of stairs to the main atrium. He brought you through the hall into a large room that was separated into smaller blocks of space by half-walls and windows. On one of the exterior walls were a series of signs, too small and dusty for you to make out from your spot by the entrance of the room. Above all of them, painted on the wall, was the word INTAKE. One of the smaller areas was filled with boxes and clothes hanging on racks. When you passed it, the musty scent of clothes that have been sitting undisturbed for a very long time wafted into the walkway.

“It’s rare but sometimes we do release our patients back into society.”

Staring into the small area, you noticed that a lot of the boxes had undisturbed cobwebs connecting them to each other, that the clothes were full of holes from moths. From the looks of it, no one had been released in a long time.

You continued wordlessly through to the end of the room, not venturing into the interior of the room further. Jonathan simply pointed out where the guard working intake sat, the one currently on duty obviously fighting the urge to fall asleep at his desk.

Jonathan took you to the rec room, which was empty, and the cafeteria, also empty. Both rooms were large and dreary, much what you expected from them, with no lights except for the emergency lights that always stayed on. Both had the lingering smell of mold and something gone sour, whether it was body odor or food. Again, he pointed out where the guards and aides would be stationed when inmates were in the rooms.

You hoped, for your sake, that you would rarely have to step foot into either of the rooms.

As you walked on from the cafeteria, Jonathan wordlessly opened a nondescript door. Inside was a narrow cement stairwell, the metal railing rusting underneath chipped black paint. You turned to go upwards before you realized that Jonathan was already making his way down into the bowels of the asylum. Groaning internally and unable to stop yourself from wondering what exactly you had gotten yourself into, you began to follow him down.

But you couldn’t stop your small groan when he opened the door to the first level of the basement (the rest of the staircase down was blocked off with a metal gate, and when you peered over the edge you only saw the stairs slowly descending into darkness).

The basement of Arkham was initially like the rest of the building. In desperate need for some TLC but still presentable. But as you walked further into its depths, the less maintained it was. The floor became dull with questionable stains while the tiles on the wall were chipped in more places than not. The lights turned from a sterile fluorescent white to a dim yellow, the light bulbs buzzing above your heads as you walked past mysterious metal door after mysterious metal door. A majority of the door’s tiny windows were blocked out, rendering the interior of the room safe from your prying gaze.

“Where exactly are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He turned to look back over his shoulder at you. “Don’t worry.”

Finally, Jonathan stopped in front of a door that was identical to the others you’d passed on your way down here. The metal door creaked as he opened it, revealing a modestly sized office space.

“Here is my second office, the one I take most of my appointments in.”

You walked in, slowly taking in the space.

Oh, this is awful.

It was certainly different from his office upstairs or even his office at the university. This office was smaller, with black file cabinets along one wall, thick binders lined up along the tops. It obviously was a space with a purpose, the chairs in front of the desk worn with barely noticeable grooves from fingernails in the wooden arm-rests.

Looking down, you frowned. On the floor were small scratches, clearly from furniture being moved around and scraping against the tile. Something about them made you uneasy. His entire second office made you uneasy, but maybe it was just the claustrophobia from being below the surface of the island and in a tiny dark room.

Luckily, he also wasn’t eager to linger in the room, allowing you to peer around for a few minutes before opening the door again- it automatically shut behind the two of you- and leading you back into the dim hallway.

“Further down the hallway are Arkham’s records.” Jonathan pointed down the other side of the hallway, which was lit by a singular yellow light that flickered every few seconds. Somewhere in the distance, the ceiling was leaking, an audible drip-drip-drip that gave the entire hallway the smell of stagnant water in addition to the dank, earthy fragrance of mold.

You turned back to Jonathan, eyes lingering on every crack in the cinder-block and the cobwebs on the low ceiling. You’re honestly surprised anyone is allowed down here in the first place, let alone patients. For what it was worth, his office at least didn’t smell as bad as the hallway.

“Do you spend a lot of time down here?”

Jonathan smiled. “Not if I can help it.”

“Good. It’s horrifying.” You truly meant it, even if you smiled as you said it.

“I know.” He smiled back.

He led you back through the hallway, opening the same door into the stairwell. From the other side, it was also identical to every other door.

God I hope I’m never down here alone.

“I have one last thing to show you for today.”

You nodded, before affirming vocally after realizing that he couldn’t see you as you walked up the stairs. You continued past the first floor landing onto the second floor, where his office and your new workspace were located. But when he opened the door, he did not take you in the direction of his office but rather the opposite, into a part of the asylum you hadn’t been yet.

Finally, after a few minutes of silent walking as you took in every inch of your surroundings (even though most of the hallways in Arkham started to blend together, they were all so similar- you didn’t even think you had a good mental map of the layout, it was so confusing at times) he stopped by another metal door.

“You’ll rarely come back here, don’t worry. But there may be the occasional errand that sends you down this way, though I try to do those ones myself.”

Jonathan slid his card into the small keypad by the door, the heavy click of the lock unlatching following as his card exited the slot. Turning the handle, Jonathan pushed the rusted door open to reveal a long line of cells.

“Shit.” You didn’t realize the word escaped your mouth until you saw the quirk of Jonathan’s lip. If he wasn’t about to guide you into one of Arkham’s cell blocks, you might’ve delivered a swift slap to his arm at his blithe reaction to your distress. Might’ve.

As you entered the cellblock, you looked up at the second floor of cells. Large skylights let in the dim natural light of Gotham, though it was lost somewhere in the sterile lighting of the hospital. A thin staircase led up to the catwalks that served as walkways for the upper-level, their grates rusty and in need of a good dusting. But Jonathan walked right past the stairs, so you lowered your gaze and examined the first floor.

The corridor of cells was wide, the walkway separated by a railing. Arrows on the floor indicated which direction you were supposed to walk on each side. At both ends of the block were offices for the guards, their glass windows smudged with fingerprints. The cell doors themselves were made of metal and glass, with thin holes in the door allowing the inmate to speak out into the empty space for no one to hear.

And speak they did. The hallway was filled with the cacophony of voices, some more intelligible than others.

As you looked down the cell block, you saw him.

Edward was waiting by his window, his face pressed against the glass as he watched your slow approach, like he had been expecting you. It would be funny if you weren’t terrified. Not just because of him, but all the other inmates were free to leer at you as you were escorted down their hall, their first entertainment in a long time.

Is this how Clarice felt as she came up on Hannibal’s cage?

You didn’t realize that you had stopped in front of the cell until Jonathan started walking back to you, apparently only just noticing that he was alone. The inmate a few doors down from Edward made a low comment to Jonathan, which he ignored, with the only indication that he had heard him was a quick flick of his piercing eyes to the side.

Edward had taken a step away from the door, no longer pressed against it but still close, staring at you with the same expression as two weeks prior. Like he was smug, though you had no idea what he had to be smug about, especially not when it came to you.

Then he spoke.

“I know you.” His voice was light, conversational. Like his mind was stuck somewhere else and he wasn’t all the way with you. But his words still shocked you, even if you weren’t sure he knew exactly what he was saying.

“What?” You take a step backwards like he’d broken through the glass and slapped you in the face. He wasn’t talking about… “No, I was here a couple of weeks ago, you might’ve seen me then and-”

“No.” His voice was firm, startling you with the sudden change in his demeanor from airy to almost domineering. From disoriented to completely in control of his surroundings. “You were there in City Hall.”

As the words left his mouth, you remembered him, where you’d seen his face before, plain and unassuming as it was. Why hadn’t you placed his face when you’d seen his picture on the news, why had it taken until this moment to remember that you’d seen him before?

“It is karma, really.”

Marie was leaning on the railing, looking down at city hall’s ostentatious interior. You whipped your head around from where you’d also been looking down, but the movement caused you to stumble backwards into the person behind you. You mumbled an apology without even looking back at them, eyes focused on Marie.

“You really shouldn’t be saying things like that at a funeral.”

“You agree with me, you said the exact same thing the other day! You know I don’t care about this shit, you’re the one who’s been talking about it nonstop!”

You inhale sharply, trying to avoid the embarrassment of being around someone so shameless at a funeral, the shame of being ousted like this in public. Though you're sure no one was actually listening to your conversation.

“But you shouldn’t talk about it like that at the funeral of the guy!”

“You didn't have to drag me here.”

You furrowed your brows, suddenly more annoyed than you wanted to admit. You asked her to come because you were nervous. Nervous about the direction your paper was taking, about how it seemed to be morphing into a project based around the criminal and not the victim.

“It's for my project! Besides, I didn’t want to come al-”

Someone cleared their throat behind you, the same person who you’d knocked into. You looked back at them, realizing it was just an ordinary guy, a tense but polite smile on his face. There was no other way to describe him. Taller than you, but not in a way that was intimidating. The kind of man your eyes would slide right over on the street. Background noise.

“Am I in your way?” Why did you ask that? It was a general attendance, standing room only event for the public. You arrived three hours ago to get to this spot. He should have planned better if he wanted a better view. But still, you moved to the side, giving him space to look at the memorial.

“Thanks.” He muttered, shuffling past you to the railing. Marie gave you a wide eyed look, as if to say that you were a fool for moving from your spot, or at least that the guy was a weirdo. You returned with your own exasperated stare, tired of her judging someone she’d never met.

“You’re too nice to people.” She muttered, a bit too loud if the turn of the man’s head was anything to go off of. You shushed her, resisting the urge to apologize to the man. Maybe he just liked the mayor and wanted to pay his respects (doubtful, but you never know).

And then you completely forgot about the entire encounter moments after you found another spot to squeeze yourself along the railing. If other things hadn’t happened that day, maybe you would’ve thought back on it as a missed meet cute, but you were quickly distracted by the DA’s appearance in a collar bomb and the chaos that followed as you were escorted out of the building and told to go home.

No, you didn’t even remember the man when his face was on the news, his photo plastered on the screen with the headline RIDDLER APPREHENDED AND IN CUSTODY.

“Oh my god.”

“Karma, right?” He cocked his head to the side and a shiver ran down your spine at the thought of him listening to the conversation that you’d had- about him, no less, when he’d been at the scene of the funeral to watch the chaos that he’d planned unfold.... “How’d that project go?”

“I never-“ you stopped yourself, remembering that he didn’t need to know you never turned it in, that the anarchy that he caused at Gotham Square Garden put you in such a state you didn’t want to leave your apartment for fear of being shot at, targeted by faceless monsters in the night. That the only reason you passed the class was because you were lucky enough your professor was understanding and pulled some strings with the weight of other assignments. Besides, even if you had finished it and were able to turn it in, it would’ve been insensitive considering that it was about the terrorist who'd just attacked the city. “It’s really none of your business.”

Edward stared at you for a moment, unblinking, before the smile slid off of his face, his attention diverted somewhere down the corridor. You’re too busy watching him to realize what he was looking at, but his eyes slowly return to you, his eyebrows raised.

“What has a long neck, a name of a bird, feeds on ships' cargo, but is not alive?”

For a moment, his words didn’t sink in. When they did, you groaned internally. A riddle? You were well aware that it was his thing but you didn’t expect to actually be given one. Really, you never expected to be having a conversation with him like this.

Still, you wracked your brain for the answer, watching Edward watch you figure it out while looking at whatever caught his attention down the cell block. You realized the answer just as Jonathan returned to your side, his arrival obviously what Edward was watching.

A crane.

“Edward.” Jonathan placed his hand on the small of your back, a movement that Edward obviously noticed. His eyes dragged from where they’d been switching between you and Jonathan to where his hand was hidden behind your back. You could feel the chill of Jonathan’s palm through your thin shirt and cardigan. Jonathan gave Edward your name, and you could hear the smirk in his voice. “This is my new assistant.”

You whipped your head around, giving Jonathan a wide eyed look. Why the hell would he introduce you?

Edward repeated your name. Slowly. Drawn out. Like he was testing how the individual sounds formed on his tongue before he put them together to create your name.

“We’ve met before.”

Jonathan was quiet. You could feel his eyes on you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from Edward’s cell.

“I wouldn’t call that meeting.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t.” He was smug again, and you knew that there was something else he wasn’t telling you, that you were missing a piece of the puzzle. And then you had a sinking, suffocating, drowning feeling that you did, actually, know what it was (though it was more of an embarrassment than anything but it could certainly cause more of a stink in your life than you’d like if it was revealed).

The man in the cell beside Edward laughed, high and reedy, cutting through the cacophony of noise the other inmates created.

You finally turned to Jonathan.

“Can we leave now?”

Jonathan gave you a quick nod, not looking at Edward or any of the other inmates as he turned and began to lead you back down to the other exit of the cell block.

As you left, before you could stop yourself, you looked back at him. He was watching you leave, his hand raised in what might’ve been a goodbye wave. You didn’t return it, content to simply turn back around and ignore him.

“He remembered me.” You whispered as you left the cell block, more to yourself than to Jonathan, your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to figure out why.

“He remembers everything. It stops being impressive when you realize how much of it is useless.” Jonathan responded as if you had been having a decent conversation and he hadn’t just overheard what you whispered to yourself.

Despite yourself, you bristled at his tone. Both at the implication that Edward was wasting his time remembering everything (like he could help it) and that once again, Jonathan was reminding you that you were unimportant in the grand scheme of Gotham.

“I’m sure it was important to him.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad for him.” He turned to look at you, stopping in the middle of the hallway. A nurse scoffed and rolled her eyes as she had to reroute herself around the two of you, her clogs smacking against the floor. “Do I need to remind you that everyone here is a criminal? These aren’t just people with mental illness. These are rapists and murderers, sadistic pieces of work that don’t deserve your pity. Don’t try to humanize them.”

“I’m not-“ You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to remember what he’d done. That Jonathan was right and you shouldn’t feel bad about how Jonathan spoke to or about him. It stung, but you pushed your apprehension down. “Will I have to see the patients often?”

“Rarely.” But as he said it, he looked away from you, turning and continuing to walk down the hallway, and you didn’t find yourself too confident in his response. Still, you began walking with him again.

Realistically, you shouldn’t see the inmates ever. You shouldn’t have even been allowed in the cell block today. But you, and everyone else with a brain in Gotham, were well aware that Arkham Asylum was severely underfunded, even with charitable donations from people like Bruce Wayne. Portions of the Renewal fund were supposedly allotted for the hospital, but obviously that was no longer the case now that Bruce Wayne was overhauling that whole system.

You wondered, briefly, who or what the money was funneled to instead.

Either way, with the hospital not having enough funds to ensure there was enough staff in the hospital at any given time, you’re sure that you would end up being shoved somewhere you weren’t qualified for just so the ratio of patients to supervisors was intact. And, despite yourself, underneath the fear you had about the prospect was excitement.

Jonathan stopped at his office again.

“How did you meet him before?”

“Oh.” You winced, embarrassed that Edward had felt the need to mention it again. “I guess we ran into one another at the mayor’s funeral. I’d forgotten all about it until he mentioned it. It wasn’t the sort of encounter that sticks with you.”

“I’d assumed as much.”

“But I also-“ You stopped yourself, unsure if you wanted to continue. But Jonathan had been moving as you’d spoken, and appeared to not have heard you. Taking it as a sign, you kept your confession inside, though it was burning in your mind.

But I also found my way into one of his streams and I think he knows it.

“I’ll have to come back up here but I can take you to your apartment.”

Your bag was slung over one shoulder, your phone clutched in the opposite hand. You had no notifications, which wasn’t too unusual, but you did note the lack of reliable service in the asylum, even as you were walking out of the doors. You’d expected to be required to lock your phone away but if there was a requirement, Jonathan hadn’t told you about it. Still, you had kept it in your bag the entire day, which in turn was locked in Jonathan’s office while you were out touring the building.

“Are you sure?”

“How else would you get home?”

Briefly, you reflected on the fact that you had accepted a job on an island when you didn’t currently own a car. Jonathan had, of course, been seemingly happy to offer to be your ride every day and yet it had you feeling… trapped. But you shook it off, reminding yourself that this job was a good opportunity and having a car in Gotham was more trouble than it was worth.

“You’re right.” Though your question had been meant to see if he really had to come back after taking you home. But you also were well aware that Jonathan had more work at the asylum and it wasn’t the kind you could just shirk off if you weren’t feeling like doing it.

Outside, the day was bright even though the clouds covered the sun. You could tell that it was going to rain later from the ominous clouds in the distance but it was blessedly dry as you walked through the employee parking lot to Jonathan’s car.

As you sat in the passenger seat of Jonathan's car, you looked at his slender neck, thinking back to the riddle Edward had given you earlier.

What has a long neck, the name of a bird, feeds on ships' cargo, but is not alive?

Obviously, it meant the machines, which were littered around Gotham as beacons for abandoned projects and attempts at bettering the city, not Jonathan himself. But two out of the four applying to him was a bit humorous, though you’d never tell Jonathan that.

You leaned over the railing of your balcony/glorified fire escape, your phone pressed against your face as you listened to one…two…three rings. Even worse, the person you were calling picked up and you scrambled mentally, trying to remember what you had wanted to say.

“Hi, Marie?” You couldn’t stop tapping the fingers of your unoccupied hand against the railing. “It’s me. Yeah…. Me.” You sighed, a bit lamely. Exactly how should you come back into someone’s life after over a year of radio silence?

“It’s nice to hear from you but… why?” She sounded wary, and you didn’t blame her. After Gotham Square Garden, you had shut her and your other friends out, trying to cope with the sudden increase of your anxiety without involving them. It had seemed noble at the time, but by the time you realized the damage that isolating yourself from your support system had done, it felt like it was too late.

You faltered for a moment in your resolve to tell her about your discovery, that the two of you had met the Riddler and not realized it, afraid that it would seem the past year of your life was only defined by him and that night.

Which it had been, at least until it became defined by Dr. Jonathan Crane.

“I hope it‘s not too late to fix some burned bridges.”

Marie chuckled, though there wasn’t much humor in it. But it wasn’t mean, and that’s all that mattered.

“It’s never too late.” She said. Even though she could be brash and horribly unsentimental, you were glad you called her first.

“Do you want to get coffee sometime?”

next part

[abbatoirablaze]

Down The Rabbit Hole, Chapter 13

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: sexual situations

Abed couldn’t help himself as he heard the piano.

The study group had all but agreed that they weren’t going to be going near Mr. Radison, especially while he was trying to recruit them for the Christmas Pageant, but something deep within Abed called for him to go towards the cafeteria. 

He didn’t expect to see you laying on the stage, singing half-heartedly while Mr. Rad was playing.  And he certainly didn’t expect the sight to pull at his heartstrings.

He hadn’t really spoken to you since he’d asked you to officially leave the group, and everyone in it.  You looked as lonely as he’d felt, knowing that the group was going their separate ways for the holidays. 

“What are you still doing here?”

You shot up, pulled from the dreamy like fog that you’d been introduced into when Cory began to talk to you about when you’d been an emergency substitute from the year prior with the rest of the study group. 

You had originally been lost in your thoughts, seduced by the promises of being with the study group, under the guise of being the emergency substitutes for the Glee Club for the Christmas Pageant.

Until you saw Abed. 

“I-I should go,” you said quickly, shaking your head at the music teacher, “I’m sorry Cory.  I’m not interested.  But I hope that you find someone in time.  The Christmas pageant is always a lot of fun…and it’s a good practice run for regionals.”

Mr. Rad frowned, but continued to play as you scurried off.  He looked over his shoulder at Abed to answer his question, “I thought I’d give her one more tinkle, before I took down the decorations.  No Glee Club means no pageant.  That means no Christmas.  Miss. Michaels seemed to have been considering my offer, but there’s no Glee Club with just one person…and from what she was saying, you in the group may have lost your cheerful spirit with her.”

“Who would have thought if you’re trying to make things better, it just would’ve made more darkness.”

“That sounds like a certain ex-lawyer talking.  Was it him that got rid of her because she’s got a free spirit lurking beneath all that work ethic?” he asked.  Abed cocked his head to the side as Mr. Rad turned more towards him, “You know, I see a lot of myself in you, Abed.  You care about your friends.  And you wish that they cared more about each other.  I was just talking about that with Tawney before you came in.  You know, that’s not an easy position to be in sometimes, choosing between your own happiness and the happiness of others…but she seemed resigned in wanting to make a certain someone happy with her...”

“Tell me about it,” he huffed, “I just want my friends to have a Merry Christmas.”

“Well…maybe you could start by giving them the greatest Christmas gift of all…”

“What’s that?”

Mr. Radison smiled as he began to sing, knowing exactly how the study group was going to fall into his trap.

All because of a very vulnerable Abed Nadir.

“Mr. Rad plans on getting every single member of our study group to join the Glee Club!” Annie said as she disappeared behind a curtain to change into a costume.  Jeff’s brows furrowed as he looked around, surprised that he’d been brought to the costume department.

“I don’t know how that’s gonna happen!” he said softly, “not only do we all have plans, but all of us seem to be in agreement that we don’t want to do that stupid pageant…so I don’t get how it could work.”

“It’s a great plan that Mr. Rad set up.  Here, ’ll show you!” she said openly, stepping out from behind the curtain in a Mrs. Claus costume complete with black thigh highs.

His eyes went wide. 

“Wh-“

“This is just one of the many costume changes I’ll be doing for the show,” she said quickly, playing with the bottom hem of her dress, “we’re a shoo-in for regionals, right?”

“Annie, you too?” he asked, stepping forward, more confused now than ever, “this is beneath you!  You are an intelligent woman.  Also, you’re Jewish!”

“I guess I have a lot to learn about holiday tradition then,” she said innocently enough, while putting a boa around her shoulders.  She began to shimmy against the curtain as she started singing, “teach me how to understand Christmas.”

“Annie…”

She moved to the fabric cart and pushed it over towards him, before grabbing a bolt of fabric and holding it in front of her pubic bone, “show me how to open a box.”

“Annie…stop…”

“It hurts my little head, when I’m lying in my bed, with visions of sugar plum socks?” she sang.

“Is this a bit?”

“Teach me how to understand Christmas,” she smiled, walking him back to the chair and sitting him down.  She wrapped her boa around his shoulders and stepped between his legs, “do I trim the tree, or the deer?  I can’t keep it straight, and now it’s getting late.  Where do the stockings go?  HERE?  I can’t see!”

She put the stocking over her head, before pulling it up into a hat, “what’s a Christmas eve? Is that Santa’s lady?  Or snowmen cold or hot?  Won’t you be my daddy, I’m a silly Christmas baby.  Tell me what to deck, hehe.  Cause I forgot.”

“Annie, get off…I’m with Tawney!” he said firmly, shifting so that he pushed her off his lap. 

“OOOF!” she hmphed, falling to the floor.  She turned around and crawled on her hands and knees, bucking as she went, “brain hurty undie-stand-y Cwistmas.  Mistletoe for eaty taste good?”

“Annie stop!” Jeff demanded, slapping the mistletoe out of her hands.

“You smarty, me dumb! Help pwetty have fun.  Boopy doopy doop boop sex!” she exclaimed, grabbing the front of his head and pulling it towards her chest while she straddled his leg. 

“Eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on sexiness.”

“What’s a dimini-“ she began, but ended up babbling as she played with the hem of her dress once more.

“Annie…this isn’t working on me…” he sighed, gently guiding her back off his leg, “I-I’m with Tawney.  She’s my girlfriend, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I-I’m in love, and I don’t want anyone else other than her.  I’m in love with her!  And you can’t break that up, or try to get me to join Glee Club with some half-witted attempt of sex appeal…”

Annie stared at him blankly as he stood up and he removed his hands from her, “you’re a sweet girl…but this-it’s not what I want.”

Jeff sighed contentedly as his arms pulled you even closer.

“Jeff…I-I have to go…”

“But baby, it’s cold outside…” he hummed against your ear.  You closed your eyes, and snuggled into him, not entirely wanting to leave yourself.

“I really must go!”

“Baby, it’s cold outside!” he hummed yet again, pressing a series of kisses down your throat.  Your eyes opened as you realized he wasn’t just responding to you.

He was singing. 

You could hear him humming the melody.

“Jeff…”

“Mind if I move in closer?”

“Jeffrey…ar-are you singing?”

He continued to hum happily against your side.

You didn’t want to fall into it. 

But the warmth of his fireplace against you, combined with the warmth radiating off him.  It almost seemed like too much. 

His lips covered yours as you whispered your answer and began to hum along to his melody. 

“We’re a shoo-in for regionals, Tawney…”

Chapter 14

Tag List:  @lohnes16, @mckeeee-1

[aromantisk-fagforening]

Thinking about the "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs". I obviously strongly believe this is a good way to divide up work and tasks and chores and property and services etc. I've been thinking about how to apply it on a personal level. When struggling to do things myself I've cooperated with others also struggling, and called it this. But I'm thinking I could apply it more to ownership.

I think one way to apply "to each according to his needs" is to think you should only own what you need. Sorta Marie Kondo style, although "need" may include fewer things than "sparks joy" does.

Now with yule/christmas it's best to wish for and buy things that are necessary anyway. Not luxuries like jewelry and a fourth video game console, but things like shampoo, clothes/shoes that need replacing or sewing tools (for mending). And for me I have most of what I need, so I tried wishing for just money to a charity in my name cause like, "to each according to his need". Unfortunately the people around me weren't all that excited about that. I have tried wishing for wool clothes, cause they're gonna be pretty ethically made (although possibly undersold in terms of value) plus long lasting (meaning less pointless consumption and better for the environment and by extension literally everything and everyone).

There's also just, the rest of the year/years/time. I have some stuff to donate cause for example I have books I own that I won't reread. That I'll probably donate or sell depending on things like whether any place will accept them. I think donating books to the salvation army is probably better than letting them rot in my ownership, serving no purpose at all (I won't reread every book). But I just need to figure out where they accept what. Also: what I even can/will give away. and yeah some can be sold, cause like, they're best off serving as many people as possible, even if that just means 2 people (me and the next owner). I also have nonbook stuff but yeah. That's pretty much the same deal. With clothes there are usually more options to give it away.

I do wonder if there are any things that I don't consider like "obviously donateable" that I should get rid off somehow. I was doing a Norstat survey the other day and it reminded me I own and have access to much I don't use at all. So I could probably get rid of plenty of things that I "think are nice", but ultimately don't use. Because how can it be a "need" if I don't use it?

Now I'll say I don't use the harshest way to apply this, which is saying you only need literally the bare essentials like food, clothes and hygiene. I do believe you can need to have fun and hobbies and such. Hence me specifying the "fourth console", being something obviously excessive. If you have three consoles and really want a fourth one you should probably at least sell one or three old ones ykwim? Fun isn't bad, but excess is way too normalized and encouraged. This topic could be expanded upon for ages, so I'll cut this short here. You know consumerism, classism etc.

Also yeah "from each according to his abilities" is a thing to apply. I mean this one is kinda simple to me. But like, yeah contributing both with like occupation (education/work) and generally in communities and socially. Volunteering, doing favors etc when able. And recognizing that sometimes you aren't able to do more, and some obstacles to contribution are immovable and that doesn't make you bad. You aren't "supposed to" do more than you are able to.

[yamanaka-shin]

"Koooooutaaaa." It's loudly spoken in a way as to deliberately drag out certain sounds. He's being summoned.

The voice reaches his ears from what feels like much farther away than it is. With just a little sigh, Kouta trots over to the other room where his partner is calling him in an effort to prevent them from shouting again. He stands over them as they sit on the floor and thumb through a particularly old book he'd had on his personal shelf for the last three decades bare minimum. At least they had quieted down immediately when he made his entry, like a cat yowling for attention that was content the second said attention was received, though know he found himself wishing they would explain themselves as to why they needed his attention and presence in the first place. Both of his hands are placed on his hips and he tries to patiently await their verbal explanation but he makes a solid effort not to look actually annoyed.

"Do you know how outdated this thing is?" They finally properly look up at him with a raised brow. "With all this talk about the Nidaime being a cold unfeeling bastard with no sense of ethics or morals."

Kouta puts his hand out for the book but says nothing until Shin hands it over. "Thank you." He clears his throat before continuing. "Yes I'm very aware. I'm not attached to it anymore and frankly wish I'd never bought it in the first place."

"Maybe it's time you do a library purge to get rid of it and all of its ilk. Donate them somewhere but attach a warning label, perhaps."

"I've been contemplating doing something like that yes. It's better than throwing the lot of them out." And then he pivots the subject when some revelation appears to come over him. "Are those Itachi's glasses?"

Kouta thanks his incredible luck that Shin would never lie to him even about something small like this. So when they respond, he knows it'll be the honest truth. "Why yes they are."

"Are you planning on giving them back to him at some point? Preferably soon?"

"I am not." They shake their head twice to make sure he gets the picture. "These are an old-ish pair and in fact I asked him permission first to take them."

Kouta takes a couple good deep breaths and then lowers himself into a sitting position beside Shin. It's a bit difficult for him without his favorite wooden cane to help balance his weight on and it doesn't feel fantastic on his joints. But it's worth it to truly figure out what business his partner may have sporting a pair of glasses that he'd never seen them even attempt to try on casually before. Those stark white eyes that he found profoundly beautiful, faded over so much time without proper explanation, blink at him curiously but Shin opts not to speak in favor of letting their husband continue his questioning. They have plenty of time to answer all of his inquiries properly and hopefully give him real peace of mind.

"When did you get those from him? I don't remember you having them or wearing them at all in the past week. Am I just that unobservant?"

"No, it's only been two days. I got them from Haruka on Thursday per request and haven't had the time to actually use them until today. They're not really customized to me, since they're not mine obviously, but they're working well enough for my purposes."

Some sort of alarm bells begin to go off in Kouta's head when he hears them say all of this with a straight face. Not a hint of irony or play could be detected in their tone and the subject at hand could very much be considered serious so all of his attention became laser focused on his husband just then. He reaches up slowly and takes the frames gingerly off of their face so that he may inspect the light eyes behind them. Eyes as focused on him as he is on Shin, framed by bangs that had lost their silver hue in favor of a similar white tone with the natural aging process. Kouta scans their entire face first as if he's avoiding some confirmation of the worst before making himself look them directly in the eyes. Then he is able to let out a held breath in relief when he can see no signs of cataracts or ocular damage of any sort. Shin blinks at him but still chooses to wait their turn to speak, wondering what is going through the old weasel man's head.

"Shin?" Is all he can get out.

"Yeah? What's wrong? You look like you've seen some sort of ominous vision."

He sets the glasses down, folded and out of the way of harm, and then reaches both arms out to gently place one hand on either side of their head. His hands are warm and something about the touch is relaxing to them despite the fact that he's clearly doing it out of an anxiety spike. One of their own hands goes up to cover his own, savoring the warm touch while also meaning to reassure him that they're not going to combust and die in front of him. Kouta's heart speeds up just a bit in his chest but not out of some positive feeling. He's all too familiar with the capricious nature of Shin's state of health. They have had symptoms all over the map for as long as he's known them and he's no fool to pass off a single one even if it turns out in the end to just be weird luck of the draw. This requires professional attention and he's going to see to it that they get just that.

"Shin." He starts again. "Do you want me to make an appointment for you? I don't think Kabuto or Haruka are really qualified for optometry...so I could call a specialist? If you're needing Itachi's old glasses to look over some words in a book then maybe we need to get you checked out."

If the two had been a decade younger, they would have immediately pulled him into their lap to help let him know they were grateful and that this would all be okay somehow. But they knew damn well it was hard enough for him even to get this low and would probably need assistance getting back up so such a gesture was not the wisest idea. So instead, they let go of their hold on his hand and they take that as a sign to let go of them as well, and then they scoot over to properly sit beside him. Kouta looks at them long and hard for just a moment after they come to a stop and then he transitions to leaning his head on their shoulder for comfort. Shin puts one arm around him and holds him close just to make sure he feels extra secure. Not answering his question first was excusable this time because he clearly needed the physical closeness as a way to verify that he wasn't going to lose his partner of over 30 years just like that.

"Yes, I would appreciate if you could do that for me. I'm sorry I hadn't told you yet that something might be going on with my vision. Haruka kinda sorta knows...but only because I asked her to drop the glasses off to me. Itachi probably has an idea of what's up, even more than her. Sorry that you're the last to know."

"That's okay. I know you didn't keep it from me on purpose. You haven't done anything like that in a really long time." His still vivid orange eyes, now much more vibrant than his hair that had lost a lot of its color and luster, slowly closed as he spoke. He was still admittedly scared but there was a plan in place now so he could rely on that until they had further answers. "Thank you for being honest with me."

Their lips met his forehead in a kiss, another gesture to remind him that this would work itself out safely, and they held him just a little closer. The warmth he radiated was even more potent now and it reminded them of prime late summer days in late August just before their birthday the following month. All of the good he has brought into their life that they tried to return twofold, the memory of it made the weight of the current predicament lessen considerably. Kouta was very attached to Shin and they made sure to assure him that it was always going to be mutual. All of his nearly asocial behaviors through the years never once applied when interacting with them. He made sure to make exceptions for them as their bond has deepened from frequent awkward encounters to equally awkward friends to everything that trailed after. And though they had a much wider social circle than him, Shin always made damn sure to include him in every facet of their life.

While he was still cuddled up to them, they cast their gaze for a moment to the forgotten outdated reading material they'd left sitting on the floor next to their previous spot. It was as physically dusty as it felt emotionally and they were quite sure that it had to be gotten rid of the next time the two had a moment to go through the rest of the library. Who knew how many things were on those shelves that needed clearing out. And this one was different from all the obsolete tomes that had harmless guesses and disproven theories in them left over from an age when all the villages were still getting their shit together. This particular piece of literature most likely was written by someone with a malicious grudge against the second Senju brother and it favored that bias over actual history Tobirama had been part of. Kouta probably didn't pick up the book to hear an opinion on the man's life. No, they knew he was more interested in contributions made by those a book was about. So all signs pointed to this thing having worn out its welcome in their house.

"Kouta?" They verbally nudged him, not wanting to physically do so since he looked so comfortable. "Do you want me to help you up myself or am I gonna need to go get the cane?"

"Mmm, neither. We should stay here."

"That's really gonna hurt in the morning and you know it. Don't be shocked when you feel as old as you are because your back or your tailbone are screaming from sitting like this too long."

"Fine." He sighs in defeat. "You can help me up. I don't want you to have to go looking for my aid in case it's hard to find on directions alone."

He has to force himself to pull away from them so they can get up. When they're free they are quickly able to stand and stretch before offering him both hands as a lift. "I think maybe you shouldn't go playing hide and go seek with that thing when it's important for times like this. Just a hunch, though."

Kouta places both of his hands in Shin's but hesitates to actually let himself be pulled up for just a moment. Those eyes again, looking down at him, have him enraptured. He cannot believe how much he enjoys looking up into them and that there was a time when that gaze was a different color. Just like how it felt unreal that he'd managed to miss the transition of their hair from silver to white. All the time he had spent with his spouse and he still felt a sense of reverence from looking upon them. So much was he engrossed in the feelings of affection that he damn near forgot to respond.

"I will think about it." And with that, the little smirk that lightens up his face spreads to Shin too. He finally lets them pull him up and finds they still manage to be the most comforting thing in the world to him, even when their physical reality is experiencing troubles. "After I call the doctor."

[thebtswritersclub]

Happy Birthday Rid!

Today we celebrate the exciting birthday to our lovely @taegularities! Through thick and thin, Rid is there for us, rooting for us and helping us with our many tasks. Her empathy and strong work ethic help us so much! BWC wouldn’t be the same without you!

 Also a special thanks to @missgeniality for making all of our graphics!

Happy birthday to my fellow kitten! I’ll keep the sap to our dms, b ut I hope you have an amazing year of growth and health. And hope you can create as much as you want because we all love to read it. Here to another year of cheating on Taehyung uwu

- Siya ( @missgeniality )

riid! my beloved, I wish you a truly great birthday. I can't believe how long it's been since we met, we've shared so much fun ever since then and it's a joy whenever we get to chat. thank you so much for being the wonderful friend you are and hyping me up in every aspect of my life, I'm so grateful to have met you and our bond goes further than being writers - though, of course, I will never miss a chance to simp over bts with you and brainstorm our work!! you always brighten up my day and I love you endlessly, wishing you the best day  ily 

- Ru ( @btsmosphere )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RID YOU STUNNINGLY INCREDIBLE LAND MERMAID I wish you the happiest of birthdays, full of people you love and make you happy, no worries during this day. Since we're writing this in advance, I do hope Tae posts a thirst trap in honor of your day ILY and again have a happy bday

- Rose ( @biaswreckme )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RID I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE AND ALWAYS LOOKING OUT FOR ME EVEN IN MIDST THE CRAZINESS OF LIFE AND CARING SO MUCH  I HOPE YOU GET ALL THE GIFTS YOU WANT AND AMAZING CAKES!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A BLAST I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

- Melody ( @hoebii )

Happy birthday RID!!! I'm so glad we became friends! I hope this year is more kickass than any other year! I hope you accomplish all your goals and make the world your oyster! Thank you for being you and for existing

- Mars ( @joheunsaram )

Miss Riddle! I love you so so so much. I can’t believe that we have been friends for so long (almost 3 years)! Time flies so fast and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our conversations and chats make my days and energize me, they give me great comfort, they get me curious about the world. You’re so hardworking and smart and I am so honored to be your friend and teammate at BWC. Your kindness, care, and focus on growth truly shines in just about everything that you do. I’ve had the honor of watching and growing with you over these past three years and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Happy birthday, bb! I love you so much!

- Lillia ( @moccahobi )

happy birthday rid! i feel like there’s so many things i could say and i don’t even know where to start. i guess i’ll start with the first thing i noticed about you: your writing. before i even had my blog, i would read your works on a little burner account. a teacher once told me that their are certain aspects of writing that can’t be taught. whatever that is, you have it. there’s a certain charm and rhythm to every word you type. the way you craft a scene, or characterize through subtle gestures, can’t be replicated. seriously, you have a gift. it’s something so raw and pure. i hope you cherish that forever. after making my blog and joining the net, i got to know you as a person a bit more. i felt like i knew you through your work, but you were even sweeter than anticipated. whenever i needed advice, you were there. the kindness you carry yourself with is felt. i mean it. the positive impact you’ve had on the net and community as a whole is bigger than you know. whenever i ask for recommendations, you’re mentioned. i know it can be tough sometimes, but please never lose sight of how loved and cared for you are. especially today. happy birthday!

- Kiki ( @chryblossomjjk )

Riiiidddd, I know we're rarely on discord at the same time, but I wish you all the best on your special day! You're an absolute delight to talk to, and you deserve all the best things in life

- Gina ( @chimknj )

Rid!

Hey Love! Happy birthday beautiful!

You know how much I love you already but again I freaking love you. You are so talented and tenacious and caring and funny and just such a ray of sunshine  every time we talk. A lot of people think they know you when they don’t and make assumptions that are not true but you sweep it all off so gracefully and just aah!! U r one of those people who always has my back when I am low and that friendship and love means so much to me. U are an amazing woman and I can’t wait to see how you grow this year. Happy birthday darling!

- Aditi ( @ditttiii​ )

Dear Rid, my darling Rid. You are such a light in the lives of everyone who knows you. I am so grateful for your friendship. You are an amazing human who deserves nothing but love and light. I hope this year is amazing for you

- Mom

[wintersoldierbmb]

thursday june 6 i feel like a useless person.

im not depressed and haven’t been for like a year now but i can feel it creeping back in. family drama somehow found a way to me and without saying too much i don’t know who to trust anymore. people really don’t care about me as much as they lie and say they do.

on another note I’m just not motivated to do anything anymore. i wish i could just die. i don’t want to be useless. even though i am in college and stuff i still feel like my life is going to go nowhere and i’ll just be another person existing, taking up everyone else’s oxygen for no reason. i don’t deserve to live if i can’t be useful. i feel like i am incapable of doing the simplest of tasks and that makes me feel like i have no future. i wish someone would get rid of me so i don’t have to kill myself. i wish i didn’t have ADHD. i wish my mind wasn’t on a trillion things at once all the time. i wish i was easy for people to understand. i wish the smallest ripples in how i feel in a moment didn’t have the potential to make my whole day crash and burn. i really wish i was rich, and if not rich then at least normal so that i could be a functioning member of society and be able to get a job or something. i wish i had my own house but i will probably never get one because i can’t save money for the life of me. music isn’t working even though I’ve been consistently doing that since i was born (literally) so there’s another goal in the trash. i have been wasting my time with everything i try to pursue. i should just die.

i’m 19 years old and the only asset i have is the fact that i’m in college. i passed my summer one classes (i think) and i can’t even celebrate it. i can’t bring myself to be happy about that achievement. all i can do is thank God and move on. internally i’m not happy or proud of myself. even now i want to drop out. i am my biggest enemy. i’m not capable of doing things everyone else has learned to do when they were 15, 16, 17 in high school. i don’t think i have an interesting future or even a good one at all. i will die with regrets on how i lived my life. if i grow old, it will be into a life of regret of how lame i was as a youth, and how i didn’t choose to do what everyone else did. my perception on life is very skewed, but i don’t even know how to look at life anymore. i spent so much time being high and under the influence in the past few years that it was the only reality i could function in. now i’m trying to be sober again and not depend on weed to make me a normal person and the only thing it is doing is making me feel like shit inside. my self worth is only high on one day out of the week (probably because i was high that day) and for the rest of the week i feel worthless. if i killed myself i wouldn’t hurt a lot of people except for MAYBE my mom and i don’t want to do that to her.

i feel like something is wrong with me or that i am mentally retarded. everyone else seems to have the necessary brainpower to do everything they need to in life, but here i am being slow in mine. i try every day to improve my work ethic and attitude about living, but my insecurities overwhelm me. all i can think about is how dumb i feel. i feel like a stupid person. i am not intelligent or as intelligent as people make me out to be. if i was in any situation worse than i have been in in my life i probably wouldn’t make it. i thank God every day for always giving me another chance, but i feel sad because i feel like i’m wasting it. He is too merciful to someone who cannot make anything for himself. music is all i have to offer anymore. nothing about me is special or different enough for me to get recognized for. i don’t even feel like a real person anymore. i feel like i’m nobody. i should die soon and quit wasting everyone’s time, but i’m too scared to do it to myself. drugs are the only thing that “restore” me, but thats how you end up being a fucking junkie. i will never be a junkie. i’m hoping one of these days i overdose or get a bad batch of some weed or tale a strange pill or get spiked and die from it. i don’t want torture or deserve a long painful death as i haven’t done anything to earn that. the only thing that i need to do is die. quickly

[overlordmilkuwu]

“Miss Stella, while I understand you’re free to do whatever you wish with your own synthesis materials, I really must ask...”

“Is it really necessary to meltdown over 500k in Gil coins and pour them over orbeez of all things to make statues to sell in your shop? Isn’t there anything else you could be doing with it?”

“You know you can just call me Mikuru or Miku, Lady Knives.... And is it necessary? no. Should I be doing this? ethically no, for fun? yes.” “I have so much Gil and Munny that if I used it all, I could cause the economy to crash hundreds of times over, maybe even thousands. I have to get rid of it somehow without flooding the marketplace. If turning the gil into silly statues helps me prevent a possible crash while helping me get rid of all the Gil these moogle collected using me and multiple tax fraud schemes then so be it”

“Cides, it’ll bring wealth and prosperity to anyone who puts them in their homes. So it all checks out in the end, isn’t it neat?”

“Enough gil and munny to crash the economy-” She shakes her head. “A-ah I see... Well then, C-carry on...”

[artistkeval]

Wait hold on baby no no no no punk the internet stupidest multiple logical things that possibly couldn't accept this way I'll add idiotic tuition will go back and be bound to raid over in hanger and you can easily go back and bother and rid it all over again and change your ante you could write teacher completely utterly yes somewhat equal to that hint you're smart and intelligent I'll continue to expect you to be smart and intelligent sometimes you don't excuse us yes and butt supercraft I mean there's an alternative alternative you can like I'm going to yo I'm not even going to use a brain cell it's gonna give you any stuff deliver Gunn keep on the starting all of our game and entered you can get her I can hear and put it utterly as somewhat of courage in his aunt Niger

Wait hold on baby no no no no punk the internet stupidest multiple logical things that possibly couldn't accept this way I'll add idiotic tuition will go back and be bound to raid over in hanger and you can easily go back and bother and rid it all over again and change your ante you could write teacher completely utterly yes somewhat equal to that hint you're smart and intelligent I'll continue to expect you to be smart and intelligent sometimes you don't excuse us yes and butt supercraft I mean there's an alternative alternative you can like I'm going to yo I'm not even going to use a brain cell it's gonna give you any stuff it a deliver gun keep on a starting Oliver gangnanteered you get her I can't hear them bloody utterly as somewhat a question is that neither A gallery of ethic

It didn't ask for you to gallery about the case we're sending somewhere around behind me in the background let's not look at it I hadn't possibly heard left me like hell no clothes keep your helicopter holocaust monitored original opinion stands metapho watch an opinion well I'll continue to stand now and long after dawn it's a perceived double terms that overall horse mine is without me here yours is there's this one here it's a whole second of all you can't be doing it you can't be a block in about us we can't be postponed posts picking up a repost and he definitely cannot pay him right and it was a degree end to learn he also surely he's talking about becalling me or studying out it will shit Liberty garret too hotter it lets me on any calendar to do you think mine she's doing with

It didn't ask for you to gallery about the case we're sending somewhere around behind me in the background let's not look at it I hadn't possibly heard left me like hell no clothes keep your helicopter holocaust monitored original opinion stands metapho watch an opinion well I'll continue to stand now and long after dawn it's a perceived double terms that overall horse mine is without me here yours is there's this one here it's a whole second of all you can't be doing it you can't be a block in about us we can't be postponed posts picking up a repost and he definitely cannot pay him right and it was a degree end to learn he also surely he's talking about becalling me or spreading out I just wish it slippery to carry to hotter and bless me on any content to do things mine see's doing what you are doing with me

If you wanted to do doing what you're doing then you're going to have to stop and hear yourself do some stuff to understand your whole Life so it's gonna Hurt You that's what we're by and following it Sometimes looks excuse as if it's in butts it's a Big ass name and reason when you're all on your lap oh I Don't Like Black or white there is no shit to break Here no worship in this no being bothered if i got wine remain not being bothered if like and Then next month too so sad let's see if all of an Empty observer Real dawn policy with Teenagers like it inquired on the internet to Care about earned the caramel and die caramel ears like I'm a welcomes your goes around I'm a Golden comes round therefore I'll eagerly Wait reply

but why tho

[survey--s]

623.

Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance? On the contrary, I find it quite comforting. It stops me stressing over really pointless things as I know they just don't matter. At all.

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? I wouldn't say I mourn for places I've never known, but I certainly feel an affinity for certain places I've visited in the past.

Do you really think there is somebody for everybody? I mean, I suspect there is, but whether you meet that person and it's at the right time for it to work out is another matter entirely.

Do you have to be related to be family? Nope.

Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? Of course.

Are you in love? Do you want to be? Yes. I mean, I don't want to be because I already am.

Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, etc.) or is it just one general sensation? You can definitely put it into categories.

Would you be happy with a life without romance? Yes - I'm not a particularly romantic person at the best of times, lol. I wouldn't be happy to have a life without any kind of companionship though. I like sharing my life with my husband.

Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody? I mean, who knows. I have no idea what my future looks like.

Would you change your appearance if you could? I'd change my hair type and get rid of my glasses. I don't hate either of those things but life would be much easier if they were different.

Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.? I guess so.

Do you believe in reincarnation? Nope.

Would you want to be reincarnated? I mean, would you be aware you were reincarnated or not? Probably not, so I mean, it's whatever lol.

Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? I think everyone is both. I'm special to the people who care about me, but I'm pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g. the trolley problem? I don't really care, to be honest. People can do what they like, though.

Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them? I did when I was little, yeah. Her name was Samantha lol. I don't have them as an adult, though.

Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? I am not religious in the slightest. Personally I don't understand how any rational, sane person can believe in God.

If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Religion is absolutely bonkers to me. It has so much power and has caused so many problems. I genuinely don't "get" it.

Do you want a grand adventure? I would love one - if I had the money to do it properly.

Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different? I think everyone has that. I'm a big believer in the butterfly effect in that way.

Do you think you really understand your gender and sexuality? I guess. But this isn't really something I've actively made an effort to be more tuned into.

What’s the most life-changing choice you’ve made so far? Probably breaking up with Chris and leaving Suffolk.

Are you afraid of growing old? No.

Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a millennium, a century? If I could guarantee staying young and in good health, maybe.

Do you believe in some form of god/s? Nope.

Are your choices fated or of your own free will? I don't think it's either - we're restricted by our society and our culture. We might think we're "free" but everyone is influenced by how they're raised and their genetics.

Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die? Nah. I just don't think about it, to be honest.

Do you believe in star signs? Nope.

How old do you have to be to be considered an adult? Well, in the UK it's eighteen which sounds about right to me?

Was your childhood happy? Yeah, overall I had a great childhood, especially when I was primary age. I was very lucky and have lots of good memories.

What are you missing from your life? Money and adventure.

Have you ever met someone who had a very similar personality to your own? Did you get along? Yeah - my dad and no, we do not get along, hahah.

Do opposites attract? I think in some ways, but you do have to have some things in common or it just won't work out long-term.

Is your life what you expected it would be five years ago? Nope.

Do you know what you want out of life? I just want to be happy, really.

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’? I don't think you can define "good", to be honest. I think I'm a pretty good person, but that's not saying much.

What fundamentally matters to you? Happiness, family, good health.

Is freewill an illusion? Absolutely. I don't really believe anyone is truly "free".

Do you create art? How do you define art? No. I have no desire to define "art" either.

How often do you lie? Is all lying inherently bad? Are you generally truthful? Everyone lies - I lie to protect feelings - I just don't think it's necessarily worth hurting people's feelings.

Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for? I don't really care, to be honest. I mean, I'll be dead.

Is true world peace ever possible? No.

Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? I don't think I have particularly high standards for myself or for other people, hahah.

What do you expect from a friend or partner? Well, lots of things.

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person? That could differ depending on the person. I really can't be arsed wth this, hahah.

Which beliefs do you have that is most likely to be wrong? I want to have hope for my country, but I don't think it will happen in this lifetime.

Can humans really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time? Probably not.

Is a consciousness what makes someone a person? No.

What do you think about artificial intelligence? I'm not impressed by it.

Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing? For me it only becomes a problem once you get all cult-like about it, and if it affects your daily relationships. Otherwise, go crazy with the escapism if it helps you and heals you.

Are we eventually going to ‘run out’ of new combinations for music, art, language, etc.? Is there a limit to human creativity? Not at all.

What do you think the next era of music will be like? I mean, AI acts are already coming out so maybe that. I'm vehemently not a fan of the concept though.

What do you think the next era of fashion will be like? Who the fuck knows. I never expected Y2K style to be a thing again so I'm happy to sit back not knowing what the next trends would be.

Do we live in tumultuous times, or do they just seem so strange because we’re living in them? I think society has always lived in tumultuous times. This conversation essentially sits at the same table as the idea of the world never being able to achieve peace.

Would you want to meet a clone of yourself? Would you like them? It would be interesting and I think I'll find myself just fine.

How confident are you, really? I can hold my own for the most part but I also don't think I'm as confident as I think I am. There are many areas I have self-doubts on.

How consistent is your perception of time? I don't know what the hell this is asking.

What age should people be allowed to vote? Should children and teenagers be allowed to vote? No I don't think kids and teenagers should vote and I'm fine with having voted when I turned 18.

How do you feel about the idea ‘an eye for an eye’? Idk depends on the situation. When is this survey going to end LOL

What’s the worse thing a person can be? An animal abuser. I may hate them more than murderers, tbh.

How do you feel about monogamy? Nothing.

Can you be in love with someone and still fall in love with someone else? I guess it can happen but I personally disagree with it very strongly.

What’s the tragedy of your life? It hasn't happened and I try not to think in that perspective.

Would your life make a good play? No.

Should people be prosecuted for crimes that weren’t considered crimes at the time? Idk I'd have to ask my law friends for their thoughts on this.

Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? Nah and no.

Do you believe in gender equality in every aspect? Yes.

Do we have a moral obligation to care for others? To what extent? Well, not everyone. I wouldn't help someone who's been rude to me or my loved ones.

Do you crave approval and/or praise? As a lifelong people pleaser, yeah.

Is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy? OMG I don't care.

Are you ever going to be satisfied? I hope so.

When you are sad, do you listen to music that conveys your emotions or music that makes you happy? It depends. I can definitely go either way.

Is your music organised by mood or sensation or do you just listen to everything at any time? I'll listen to whatever.

Would you marry a friend if they needed you to (e.g. for citizenship)? No.

Are you a deep person? Based on my reactions to this survey so far, I can be deep but for the most part I prefer not to be.

Given the chance to live your life on Mars, with no hope of returning to Earth but with the promise of scientific discovery and glory, would you take it? No.

Are you who people think you are? I don't know what people think of me.

Do you think you would be happier if you had been born a different gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, nationality or religion? Depends. If I grew up in a country that cared more about their people than yeah probably.

What’s your toxic trait? Are you trying to improve yourself and fix it? I am responsible for pushing myself back. All the time. Yes I am and trying to switch jobs is the first thing I'm doing to fix that.

Do you anger easily? I can't remember the last time I was angry, but I do have a short fuse. I can be moody and can get easily irritated or impatient.

Are you a jealous person? Nah.

If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? Probably not.

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it? No thanks.

Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate? I guess. I don't hate anyone.

Do you speak multiple languages? Which do you dream in? What language would you want to learn? I dream in the two languages I speak. I would like to master Korean.

Do you draw meaning from your dreams, or do you disregard them? I think they reflect the state of my mind, like my stressors and such, but I don't think they mean anything.

How would you describe yourself when you love? Do you love forcefully, unconditionally, gently, quietly, desperately? Unconditionally. Too much for my own good, which is why I've backed off of it.

Is unrequited love real love? Sure.

Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you? Um it's probably different idk.

Are you overly analytical? Sure.

Do you ever feel that you are really a terrible person, and only act good out of societal or some other obligation? No, I've never thought of myself in that way.

Do you believe in magic? Are you superstitious? No, no.

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? "Everything will be okay."

[sensitivegoblin]

Depressed vent in the tags cus I don’t have a therapist and I’m stuck in bed in pain

[cloudninetonine]

A past that still haunts me

A/N: Hey guys, it's me (ya boi) I'm back with my still current hyper fixation Genshin Impact and a vent fic because I've been really stressed and well, it's hard living in my house :) It's a hurt/comfort fic because they always get to me and I needed to make something for myself

I am willing to do aftermath where the boys confront the abuser or do scenario but with different characters

Synopsis: You’re not a damsel in distress, you never have been and you never will be, but, well, sometimes you need a hero to rely on and that’s okay

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli and Childe

Warnings: Hints to past abuse, confrontation of abuser, violence, mentions of blood, threats, foul language

It had meant to be like any other menial day of an adventurer: sign in with Katheryne, complete your commissions, sign out with Katheryne with your payments - done and dusted.

But that wasn’t how it went, no, far from it - archons, so damn far from it.

“Thank you once again, (Name)” Katheryne’s smile was kind like usual, holding that familiar feeling of gratitude as she handed over your remission within a marked package, hand returning to the desk’s polished surface once you had taken it graciously, sending her a beaming grin back. “The Guild really appreciates your work ethic when it comes to the Ruin machines, it’s hard to come across adventurers who want to handle them anymore”

You sent her a shrug as you placed away the box “Can’t blame them really, they’re a hard bunch to handle- I was terrified of them when I first started too, but I had my vision to help me out, a lot of these folk only use there pure determination to eradicate them, gotta admire that!”

She laughed along with you politely “Have a good evening, (Name), I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Of course you will!” You backpedalled away from the guild reception, throwing the woman a polite double fingered salute as you did “Ad astra abyssoque as they say, my fair lady!”

She parrotted back her usual phrase before disappearing into the building, you walking further down the path of the city for your final activity for that day.

Of course, you didn’t reach that far, after all, it wasn’t that menial day you had expected, that you had wanted. Life was cruel sometimes, so incredibly cruel for no justified reason just for the sake of it all and you wished, archons, you wished you could rewind the clock and stop yourself from bumping into the body, to save yourself from all the repressed trauma bursting forth like a flurry of butterflies, well, more like moths, disgusting, ungodly, monster moths that aimed straight for the face.

“Sorry!” You yelped, too preoccupied with gathering your pocketwatch you had dropped in the stumble to see who it had been, after all, you were on a schedule and you didn’t want to be-

“(Name)?”

...late.

All of a sudden, time didn’t seem to exist, or maybe it was moving way too slowly from that horrid spike of adrenaline that shot into your bloodstream as soon as the voice registered.

You hoped to the Archons that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t, but did the gods hear your prayers?

“Oh Archons, it is you! It’s been such a long time!”

Of course, they did, they just didn’t care to listen. Ignoring the cries of your people were in fashion to them these days.

They stood there with a smile so excited it almost seemed to tear their face in half, with eyes sparkling with recognition after so many years away from them, they opened their arms welcoming you into their embrace like it was something just so normal for the two of you like you would come bounding to them like a lost puppy who had finally found their master.

The fear of your abuser dwarfed in comparison the pure feral rage and loathing to think that they even deserved to be breathing in the same space as you.

People were looking, of course, they were looking, you knew what they were doing, being bright and jovial, bringing others attention towards you both so that whatever scene you caused would be your fault like you were the bad guy. It was old tactics, of course, you wouldn’t dare do anything when you were younger, you’d just push through it, but this wasn’t old times, this wasn’t younger you, scared, smaller you afraid them, this was you now, a warrior, unwavering in battle, a person who smiled in the face of danger, who laughed at the pitiful fights that 2- no- 4 abyss mages brought to you!

To hell what other people thought, you’d stomp their head into the cobblestone if they had so much as poked you.

“Come here and give me a-”

You took a step back, mustering the deadliest face you could, but you wavered, it was only natural, no matter how much you could try to hype yourself up, this person was your first true experience of real-life nightmares, the first person to bring you true pain, no matter how many ruin guards, hunters, millachurls, mages- anything you faced, nothing could prepare you to face your first fear:

The fear of your older sibling.

“If you fucking touch me I’ll stab you-” The growl cracked nearing the end, you were always an angry crier but you were not about to fall back to this- this monster. “In front of all these people, I won’t hesitate”

Their face dropped followed by your stomach, though, the food you had for lunch sure did feel its way up your gullet.

“What’s with your language? We haven’t seen each other in four years and this is how you treat me? Your older sibling?” They laughed in disbelief because onlookers would think they were shocked, I mean, how could you speak to family like that? But they didn’t know, they didn’t know the words they had told you, the insults, the threats, those tight grabs, those beatings- they didn’t know, so they obviously didn’t know that the shock came from the fact that you had stood up to them.

You licked your lips to get rid of the dryness, but the problem you faced was that your mouth had dried out along with them, as did your throat.

Don’t let them turn this on you, don’t let them get the upper hand, you were better than them, so much better.

“You’re not my fucking sibling” You spat, feeling the air vibrate around you, a sudden shine from your cloak hinted you to the cause “You haven’t been for a long time, don’t fucking try that shit with me”

There it was, that familiar enraged spark, that look of hatred on their face, the thing that warned you about what you said had been the right thing to set them off, that they were just as easily triggered by the smallest act of rebellion just like when you were kids.

Of course, they hadn’t changed.

Evil never did.

They took a step forward but you didn’t back off, just hardened your resolve as they leaned in menacingly, as though their stupid little intimidation tactic still worked after all these years.

You told yourself it didn’t but you knew deep down that wasn’t completely true.

“Don’t speak to me like that, (Name)” Facade gone, they showed you what they really were, what they were really like after all, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, you show me fucking respect”

Respect?

RESPECT!?

Oh Archons, you were angry, no, seething from the thought that they ever deserved respect.

That pathetic piece of shit, that gruelling pleb, mere gum on the bottom of your damn shoe-

You’d kill them, right here, right now.

You felt the familiar materialisation begin to form in your hand when another voice called out, a familiar loving one that nearly made your throat swell from relief.

“(Name)?”

Diluc

He could sense the tension. Of course, he could sense the tension, Diluc had faced this tension so many times before, he was practically the one that owned such a vibe anytime Kaeya even breathed near him for a second longer than necessary.

But being the one to witness it, to see you, the usual awkward, goofy sweetheart stare at another with such overbearing malice made him uneasy, caused his stomach to churn in ways he didn’t like, set him off in a way that was only reserved for the most chilling on moments.

Diluc wondered what exactly this stranger had done to warrant such a reaction from you.

“(Name)?” The redhead called, glancing around the many citizens of Mondstadt that watched the exchange with intrigue, guard and worry, eyes focused on the scene of this foreign stranger and fuming you, hand poised by your side with weapon particles dancing on your palm.

When Diluc finally made it over, his form seemed to curl protectively around you, hand landing on the small of your back delicately while keeping face with the person, eyes narrowed dangerously but still holding an air of civilness.

A true gentleman, even when you were close to merking some rando.

“Is there a problem?”

The stranger straightened immediately, backing up a few steps with their hands up in defence, sending Diluc a charming smile that the man could see through crystal clear.

“No problem, no problem at all” They glanced back at you, seemingly friendly despite his partner’s obvious ill intent that radiated off you in waves “Isn’t that right, (Name)?”

Diluc saw you tense up once again, the buzz from your Vision rising in volume with your obvious anger as you tightened your first, ready to just screw your weapon and go for the throat.

“If that is the case” The noble’s hand softly pressed against your back, gently but coaxing, knowing that conflict in the middle of the town centre would just bring the knights to meddle in affairs that they had no business attending “Then we shall be going”

“There’s no need to leave, after all, my sibling and I were just chatting”

He paused, shouldering a questioning glance your way but at the sight of your unruly expression, he pushed down his enquiries and once again began coaxing you away from the scene. Angel’s Share had already been open for a while, meaning the usual folk would already be settled in, but the storage room was sure to be a good place to chat and to calm you down, all he needed to do was get you away.

“We already had plans” The side glance had the stranger- your sibling, biting their tongue, brows furrowing in a known annoyance as the two of you began your way towards the pub, you still vibrating in anger. “Good day to you”

The two of you had made it a few feet when they called out once again “Don’t worry, (Name), I’ll see you again real soon”

Diluc’s arm tightened around you faster than you could react, tugging you away quickly “Diluc-”

“No, (Name)”

“Stay out-”

“Not here” Sharing a look, he softened at the shine in your eyes. “You’ll just attract the knights' attention”

You didn’t care, no, not one bit. If the knights had dared to interfere at that moment, they too would have been caught up in your blinded revenge, thrown aside or slashed down without single care just to finally eradicate the bane of your existence and you didn’t care about what consequences you brought about, you just didn’t and you made sure to tell Diluc that, as soon as you had the privacy of Angel’s Share’s storeroom, pacing up and down while he stood off to the side against the wall, watching silently.

“You had no right to get in my way!” You snapped, voice shaking from the pure emotions you were releasing “I finally had my chance, I was finally going to do it! They deserve to end by my hand, by my decision, after the years of torture they put me through! They deserved it! And you got in my way! How could you get in my way! I-”

Pushing off the wall, he slowly advanced towards you, carefully, hands out like he was approaching a wounded animal.

“I understand you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” You cried at him, stopping mid-step before dropping your head and tightly, grabbing your hair in your hands “I’m not upset! I’m angry! I’m so fucking angry! And I deserve to be fucking angry! I-”

The sob ripped through your throat despite you trying to hold it back, tears finally gathering in your eyes and rapidly falling down your cheeks “You should have let me kill them! I should have had the chance to rid the world of their evil! It’s not fair! It’s not- it’s not fair, I-”

You didn’t bother to fight him when his arms finally wrapped around you, just fell against him as you wept. The pent up rage, fear and sadness from years of repression taking its toll as you cried, your partner whispering sweet words as he raked his hand through your hair gently and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m sorry” His hand held your cheek fondly, ruby red staring back into your own eyes with a softness that made you melt “I didn’t know this meant so much to you, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’ll listen. I’ll always listen”

With another choked sob, you leaned into his hold “Please just hold me for now”

And he did just that.

Kaeya

The captain had promised to meet you at his office, a simple task really but with the lingering presence of Jean and the words ‘There’s so much work that needs to be done’ leaving her lips he bolted, hoping to catch you by the Guild and drag you to Angel Share for your date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help her, it was just he had already promised you this night and Eula could have always taken his place with paperwork, her threat of “vengeance” as she liked to call it could wait for another day.

It was also due to the fact he had no intentions of filing any paperwork for as long as he could avoid it, but that was his secret to be kept.

Being the perspective man he was, he could tell straight away he had walked into something tense, surveying the surrounding people of Mondstadt who looked on in concern, the unbridled rage upon your face, the obviously intimidating lean that the stranger held over you- something was wrong and he knew he had to put a stop to it.

“(Name)?” You glanced for a single moment before your furious glare had returned to the stranger, another flag waving right in his face as he approached, “My dear? Who might this be?”

Before you could snap, lip curling in disgust, the stranger stood back to their full height, switching quickly with a fake charming smile that practically mirrored his own, holding out their hand towards him “(S/N) (Last), (Name)’s older sibling. it’s nice to meet you”

Kaeya’s smile widened and despite the glare from you that was now focused on him, he shook your sibling's hand in-kind “Kaeya Alberich, (Name)’s partner-”

He made sure to tighten his grip with his last words “And Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius”

Successfully, as he always was, Kaeya held back the smug, mocking grin that itched to climb onto his face when the neck of your sibling bobbed nervously, forehead reflecting the afternoon light as sweat gathered on their brow.

The man hadn’t obviously threatened them, surely, Kaeya was smarter than that, but then again, he could still present himself as a threat, a good one and well, his title was a menacing one when it came to the right moment. ‘Try anything and not only do I have the authority to kick your arse but the power to put you in a place many didn’t dare even step’ shortened into an innocent sentence with only 8 words.

“Cavalry Captain? That’s quite impressive” They laughed off, tugging away their hand awkwardly when Kaeya continued to keep a firm grip, his present eye focused solely on your siblings face. They glanced over to you “Quite an achievement for you, aye (Name)?”

You growled, “I’ll show you an achievement-”

Kaeya’s arm had wrapped around your waist not a second later, tugging you tighter to his side as the two of you turned, the man throwing your sibling a smile over his shoulder.

“As nice as it was to meet you, (S/B), we must be going”

And then without another word Kaeya dragged you away, heading in the direction of your home instead of Angel Share tavern, feeling your pure, unfiltered anger the whole way along with the citizens as they parted ways, rushing off from your rage.

It was only when you had returned to the sanctuary of your abode did you snap, jerking away from your boyfriend with angered strides and beginning your seething lecture towards him, moving up and down through the living room while he ventured off into the kitchen, grabbing 2 glasses and a bottle of wine.

“How dare you Kaeya! How fucking dare you! Do you have any idea what you were doing back there!? What was even happening back there!? So much for being the most observant man in Mondstadt because you seemed pretty dense to me the whole fucking time!” Your hands raked through your hair as you yelled, trying so hard to hold back the tears “I didn’t need your damn help, Kaeya! Nor did I fucking want it! Know to stay out of someone's business when it isn’t wanted!”

Logically you knew what he had done, you were smart like that and you knew Kaeya long enough to know what he was doing but your rage, fear and sadness blocked out everything in that moment, made you blind to reality, made you only think irrationally and Kaeya didn’t blame you for that. He could never blame you for that.

Though, it did hurt him to see you in this state.

“Wine?”

You gawked at him for a moment, staring at him with shock and confusion as he held out a wine glass towards you, another held in his other hand and a sweet smile plastered on his face, before your moment morphed into rage, grabbing the drink from his hand and tossing it towards the wall, the red wine splattering over the wallpaper and glass shards falling to the floor.

“Well, that was a waste-”

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Kaeya!?” You cried, not even bothering to hold back anymore as the tears fell and your voice cracked, hand pointing accusingly in his face “Is this some kind of joke to you!? Huh!? Am I a fool in your eyes!? Some sort of blubbering idiot!? Why must you- why do you-”

The second glass was placed on the dresser by you both, Kaeya’s hand coming to hold your cheek fondly while the other came to grab your hand that dangled in the air, still poised at him “I don’t think you're either of those, my dear, in fact, I think you’re one of the brightest in the whole of Teyvat, nevermind Mondstadt”

You hiccuped “Then why-”

Brushing away the wetness from your cheek, he brought your hand to his mouth to place a fond kiss on your palm “Because you mustn’t cry, (Name), don’t waste your tears on someone like them”

“I’m not crying, I’m-”

He shushed you gently and you finally relaxed, falling into his embrace with a heavy heart “-I’m not, I swear-”

Within the familiarity of your home, you wept in his arms, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions and the scenes that had transpired that day, ready to just curl into yourself and try to block the flooding memories of history. Although, having Kaeya at that moment helped more than he could ever know, having him to rely on made it all so much easier to cope with that day.

“Tell me what ails you and I’ll listen” Brushing back some hair, he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Can..can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, my dear”

Zhongli

He had sensed the incoming danger like it had been revealed in some sort of premonition. Maybe it had been a skill he had acquired after his long, eventful life, maybe it was his connection to Liyue and his citizens, but for some reason, as he sat before Iron Tongue Tian as the man recalled his tales of ancient Liyue like usual, Zhongli knew that the crowd that was forming around Wamin Restaurant had something that he need urgently attend, especially when even Tian paused his story to glance around the corner of the restaurant building to see the commotion.

When the archon had finally borne witness to the scene, he paused within the crowd, surveying the surroundings carefully. You were the centre of attention, along with another stranger, both glaring at one another with anger and disgust, though your own anger seemed to double compared to the other’s, seeing as your weapon was slowly materialising in your grip. Zhongli could also see Guild Master Lan making her way down the steps leading to the Guild reception, a worried expression on her face glancing between you and the approaching Millelith.

Zhongli made his decision, politely pushing through the crowd until he had finally made it by your side, hand being placed gently on your arm “(Name)?”

Both you and the stranger glanced at him, but he paid no mind to them, only held eye contact with you when Lan appeared by your other side, glaring at the stranger with a hardened gaze.

“Are you harassing my guild member?”

Before the stranger could respond, the Millelith had also popped in, glancing between you and them “Is there a problem?”

Zhongli had taken up your view when Lan began her take, she had borne witness for much longer than he had of course and he was certain that you were in no state to talk to the guards. Your eyes were glazed with hatred, pupils pinpricks in a sea of (E/C) and your hands were shaking, balled into fists.

If anything, he needed to try and calm you down first.

“Get the hell out of my way, Zhongli” Your teeth ground together, words shaking with anger “Don’t push yourself into my business”

“I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t do that” He tried brushing your cheek but you jerked away, glaring at his hand before glaring back at him, in no mood to be coddled “I don’t want you to do something you’d regret”

“Trust me, I won’t regret this one bit”

Zhongli held his tongue for the question that almost rolled out, knowing now wasn’t the time for inquiries when the stranger’s voice rang out, condescending and snarky as they addressed you.

“Still need people to protect you, aye (Name)? Of course, you’re still the same pathetic bitch from years ago”

You were lucky for your reputation around Liyue, for the picture of the kind and caring adventurer that had swept through the town from your years of living here because had it not been for that, you pushing aside your boyfriend and materialising your weapon to aim it at your sibling’s throat would have had you in cuffs that instant.

Lan grabbed you, tugging you away as you screamed “I’ll show you pathetic you fucker! Let me go!”

The Millelith didn’t wait to drag your sibling away, much to their cries of dismay, one sending Lan a nod while you continued to fight against her, crying out in frustration.

“Kid, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down!? No! Get the hell off me!”

Zhongli watched as you finally broke away, huffing and puffing up a storm before glancing amongst the crowd, staring at their worried and concerned faces, your own eyes tearing up before you looked away pushing past the crowd to find somewhere to be alone.

When Lan went to call out for you, Zhongli raised his hand, the two sharing a look before the archon made his way after you, his longer legs keeping a steady pace to which he could catch up to you, just beyond the bridge that led into Liyue Harbour. There were no people where you stood, just the lush green plants and great mountains of nature, a perfect place for you to let out your frustration without the prying eyes of the citizens.

“(Name)-”

“Leave me alone!” You cried, curling into yourself with your back turned to him “I don’t want you here, Zhongli! Nor did I want you back there! I didn’t need your or anyone else's help!”

You knew he was here from a place of concern, and deep down you begged that your words didn’t harm him in any way, but currently, you didn’t care, you didn’t want to care, you just wanted to be numb, numb to the flashbacks of your horrid past and numb to the feelings that were dragged along with them.

“My love, please, return with me to our home, I will brew some calming tea-”

“Tea? Tea!? Does it look like I want any fucking tea?! I couldn’t care any less about some fucking tea, Zhongli!” Spinning around on your heels, you scowled at him, not bothering to hide your rushing tears “Don’t you get it!? I want to be left alone, I-”

Two gloved hands gently encased your face, your angered expression morphing into one of shock as your partner stared down at you with glowing eyes filled with a deep-rooted love, affection, worry and so much more that you couldn’t put into mere mortal words. At that moment, everything felt as if it had melted away, only you and him were in this world, nothing else, just the two of you.

And you felt as though your heart had been lifted from the pressures of this life.

“I do not think it is best for you to be left alone” His baritone voice was always so calming, so serene and in your sane moment, you finally felt its effects “I wish to stay with you, so please, let me stay”

With a whimper, you grabbed onto his forearms and leaned your face into his hands, tears continuing to fall as your eyes fluttered shut “Okay…”

“They have hurt you deeply, haven’t they?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the details?”

“I-...” Sharing eye contact once again, you whispered “Can- can you just...hold me for now? Please”

Moving his hands from your face, he engulfed you in his arms, leaning his head against yours “Of course”

Childe

The Harbinger had just left the Northland Bank, hell, he was just about to make his way down the spiral staircase but when hearing the commotion, he paused, something in his gut telling him to check just before and he was glad he did.

Glancing over the elevated walkway, he felt a fiery pit roar in the depths of his stomach, eyes narrowing dangerously at the scene; you were snarling in some other person’s face, their own face nothing short of disgust and a crowd that only seemed to grow by the minute.

Who the hell did this person think they were? Did they even know who you were? To stand so close to you, with a look of threat on their face like you weren’t about to kick their arse? Like he wasn’t about to kick their arse? How did this insignificant speck of dross not know your connections with him, the 11th Harbinger? Or did he know and was just trying his luck?

“Seems like someone has a death wish” And a death wish they had indeed.

Ignoring the perplexed glance from his subordinate stationed outside the building's entrance, Childe made his way down the steps, murderous look stitched on the whole way to the circle of civilians, the mass parting ways for the man that was Tartaglia and continuing to watch the moment in silence.

“Who the hell are you-” You both turned towards him, you in shock while the stranger stared in confusion until Childe’s hand wrapped around their collar, tugging them closer to look down at them with a deep-rooted disgust “-And why the hell are you harassing my partner?”

They fought against him, obviously, they did, but the surprise came when you saddled up next to him, grabbing his arm “Stay out of this, Tartaglia”

What? It hadn't been your request, no, you were always one to finish your whole fights you weren't "A damsel in distress after all!" no, you were so much more, so much greater but that look on your face, murderous and downright cruel- he just couldn't believe his ears.

Childe stared at you in shock while the stranger struggled, throwing him a dirty look in their attempts “Yeah, this is between my sibling and I”

Childe straightened in surprise, feeling embarrassment flood his system. Had he seriously just grabbed and threatened his lover’s family member? Oh, Archons, his judgement had been clouded by anger at the look of the scene, I mean, why would your sibling look at you that way-

“But it’s really no surprise that you still need to be babied, (Name), how shameful”

His eyes widened but not a moment later had you tackled your sibling, the crowd crying out in alarm as you threw back your fist and crushed their nose under the weight of your punch. “I’ll show you fucking shameful, bastard!”

There was shouting and a glance showed the oncoming Millelith marching towards the circle.

Being Fatui always did garner the attention of the guards nowadays, especially for him, who had tried to lure out the attention of their Archon by summoning an ancient god that nearly drowned the entirety of the harbour, so it was no surprise that they seemed to hurry in the pursuit when they noticed his appearance at the scene. However, lucky for him, your reputation as a great adventurer preceded you and throughout Liyue you were seen as a trusted and well-liked individual, meaning whatever trouble you got in, containing his meddling or not, was usually waved away due to the trust of the people.

So, without another thought, Childe tugged you off of your bloodied sibling and held you close, even as you thrashed violently, shouting at him to let you go.

“What is going on here?” A guard called, slamming the hilt of his polearm into the ground as he surveyed the area, eyes landing on the sibling before following the small trail of blood to you, still fighting against your boyfriend with threats falling from your lips “Was there a reason for this brawl? Who started it?”

As your sibling raised themselves on their forearms, they scowled and opened their mouth to respond, only for Childe to put in. “It was them, sir, they were the one that started it, (Name) was merely acting in self-defence”

The Millelith scowled at him, raising a brow and once again looking you over “Is that so?”

He addressed the crowd soon after “Is this what happened?”

And as expected, they all glanced over the sibling, then to you and piped up in agreement. It paid to be a hero, it seemed, the whole harbour returning the favour of years of helping out the community.

“If that’s the case, please come with us” The sibling cried out, anger and fear laced into their voice, trying to argue for their innocence only for the guards to grab them, hauling them away to archons know where while Childe did the same with you, slowly dragging you away from the scene and back into the bank, you screaming and cursing the whole way until you had made it to his office, finally managing to push him off and storming to the opposite side of the room practically seething.

“Who the hell do you think you are, Tartaglia!?” You cried, throwing out your arms in exaggeration “I didn’t need your fucking help! And why the fuck would you pull me off them!? I had them right where I wanted them and you fucking did that! Are you a moron!?”

“You had a sibling” He breathed, watching as you began to pace, muttering in an angered state “And you didn’t tell me”

“-after all these years I finally had the chance to end their pathetic excuse of a life and you just got in my fucking way! I’d waited too long for this moment and you fucking ruined it! How dare you, how fucking dare you-”

“(Name), why didn’t you tell me you had a sibling!?” He cried, walking up to you and grabbing your wrist to stop you “I was ready to kill them right there! And why are you talking about them like this!? They’re your family aren’t they-”

“They are not my fucking family!”

The scream echoed through the room, chilling Childe to the core as you ripped your arm from his grasp, running your hands through your hair before gripping it so tightly it felt close to being ripped from your head. But you didn’t care, no, you couldn’t, you were so angry and you needed something to keep you grounded, to keep yourself from losing yourself and getting lost in those haunting past memories.

The Harbinger felt his chest squeeze painfully as the tears fell down your face, red rimming your eyes and cheeks wet as you sobbed, chest heaving from trying to breathe “Family takes care of you! Family thinks of you in the highest light possible! They love you for who you are and they love you no matter what! That bastard hurt me, made me feel worthless and they refuse to believe they could do no wrong and I hate them! They are the bane of my existence! They are not my fucking family! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I-”

Arms were around you instantly, Childe’s face pressed into your hair as you wept, grasping onto the lapels of his suit and shoving your face into his chest to muffle your cries.

“I’m sorry” He whispered, his own eyes shining slightly “I’m sorry, I was being insensitive. Please, don’t cry”

“No, I’m not crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t-” You hiccuped “I wouldn’t waste any more tears on them-”

Then you broke off into more wails, your boyfriend holding you close and letting you continue to cry in his arms, warm and comforting until you were finally reduced to whimpers, leaning into him heavily as the remaining adrenaline in your body began to wear thin when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Will...will you tell me about it?”

You sniffed “Later...just hold me for now, please, Ajax...”

His arms tightened protectively “Anything for you, my love”

[wisehoagiekidwobbler]

Forms of Witchcraft

•Dolls and Poppets

Poppets are the English terms for what movies call a ‘voodoo doll’. Voodoo doll is a misnomer, and does nothing for either poppets or Haitian magic.

Poppets can be used for a couple of things – mainly either cursing or healing. This doesn’t always have to be physical curses/cures – poppets can also be used to influence thought patterns.

Dolls can also be used to provide homes for Spirits, or used to create guardians. You can also use a doll as a scapegoat to prevent a curse from latching onto you.

•Shrinemaking

Shrine making is less a way to create a defined outcome, and more a way of pleasing Spirits who you may later want to call upon. It’s kinda like taking your new neighbours a pie, in case you ever need them to watch the house whilst you’re away. The pie is an overture to a friendly relationship, not direct payment for the house sitting. However, if you just blundered into their garden one day and offered them £100 to watch the house, they’d probably tell you to get lost. Randomly calling up Spirits, Saint or Deities can have the same effect. I mean, would you help someone get a job if they just banged on your door and waved some incense at you? Get your local Spirits pies. Find out what scents, and objects, and offerings that they like. Keep the land around you clean, and pick up after other people if you can. Use your vote and your money to protect the land from logging and fracking. Build a dedicated ‘meeting space’ where you call up Spirits, and fill it full of pictures of them or things they like. It pays dividends in the future.

Shrinemaking can also be used to help bless and protect your home and land. By connecting with the other Spirits that are there, you solidify the relationship, and can work together against intruders.

•Bottles and Jars

Witch bottles (or spell jars)  are fun, easy ways to create a variety of effects. As a spell base, they can be effective for:

* money

* love

* friendship

* animal work

* protection

Some people define a witch bottle as strictly the traditional version which is used as a scapegoat, and call other spells involving bottles and jars ‘spell jars’. Some people use the term witch bottle to encompass all magics involving jars.

You can learn about all types of bottle magic in the free course which you can sign up for below!

•Candles

Candle magic is a much more modern form of magic than you’d think – especially if we’re talking coloured candles. Candles were very precious objects in the past! However, it was not an unusual item to have, like a hunk of crystal or fairy doll, which is why they became an item to use for undetected witchcraft – like brooms, and cauldrons.

As candles have got cheaper and cheaper and less needed to be used for lighting, much more forms and types of magic have sprung up around them. With the addition of coloured waxes or painted candles, the sorts of magic you can do with candles has grown exponentially.

Candles are a subset of fire magic and therefore are fantastic for banishing, but they are often the beginners tool of choice. It’s easy to understand why – easy to get hold of, easy to use, and there’s as much fancy ritual needed as you feel inclined to give it.

When you want to expand your knowledge, you can still stick with candles – but investigate the use of oils, herbs and crystals in conjunction with candles.

•Crystals and Rocks

Crystals and rocks are often used as ‘ingredients’ in other spells. They are very easy to add to bottles, pouches, dolls and more. However, you can also use crystals in spell work solely on their own by adding them to your pillow, till, money box, plant pot, etc.

Their use goes much further than this, but that enters the realm of energy healing which is a part of many traditions and is a very dedicated and intensive practice all by itself, and too much to explain here.

Air

You can utilize the powers of air in a lot of ways. It’s usually good for cleansing spells – think sweeping with a ritual broom, burning incense (smoke=air, not fire), ringing bells or playing bowls, singing, using flags and wheels. Air methods tend to return quick results.

Earth

Earth brings slow results, but they tend to be larger. Earth practices include enchanting seeds that will bring you money as they grow, burying offerings in the Earth, making vessels and spells out of clay, or writing spells in the mud.

Fire

Fire can bring things into your life, but is much better used to get rid of them – for beginners, anyway. If there is anything in your life that you wish to get rid of, you can write or draw a representation of it and cast it into the fire to remove it.

Water

Water can take the longest time to bring you what you need. However, think of water pounding against a rock. Drips of water became rivers, became waterfalls. Water can often bring you the biggest results, but it may take a long time.

Water spells can include potions (see below), but can also include ritual baths, leaving offers in water, or giving up bad energy or habits to the ocean.

•Bones

Bones are a contentious subject in witchcraft. Some people will never use them, some people’s practice is not complete without them. You can actually get bones in an ethical manner, by either cleaning up roadkill yourself or paying someone to do it for you, or literally keeping the bones from your dinner!

Some uses for bones are:

* Telling the future (casting bones or lots)

* Housing the Spirit of the animal so you can work with them

* Form parts of wands or ritual jewellery or headresses

* Ingredients in pouches

Tarot, Runes and Ogham

You can use all of these fortune telling tools in spells, too! You can choose one of them that has a characteristic or represents an outcome that you’d like. So if you wanted a new job, you might choose the Ace of Pentacles. Then you could do any one of the following with it:

* Use it to focus a candle spell

* Add it to a pouch or bag spell

* Add it to a jar spell

* Use it in lieu of a sigil

* Make a vision board around it

* Even burn it! (You can get single Tarot cards for this purpose on eBay.)

•Potions and Elixirs

Potion Magic used to be a lot more popular. Whilst elixirs, tisanes and tea blends are still popular for use on yourself, the masses of recipes of potions, philtres and similar recipes have all but died out. That’s because a lot of potion magic is only to be used in desperate circumstances, like love potions and curses. The reason so many old fashioned love potions are beyond creepy and controlling is that woman’s husband was her meal ticket. If he left her, not only would she be blamed, but she would be out of a house, food and her own family probably wouldn’t take her in. She had shamed them all. (Often through no actual fault of her own.) She was literally facing public humiliation, being outcast, perhaps even starving to death – and sometimes her children along with here.

So dousing  a lover or husband’s food with love potion made a lot more sense then, than it does now.

Thankfully, most of us don’t live in those circumstances any more, so a lot of philtre or potion use has died out. However, there are still some amazing things you can make to ingest yourself:

* Tea blends

* Tisanes (herbals teas)

* Bath spells

* Lunar or solar water

* Herbal Oils

Spoken Magic

Spoken Magic can be long and complicated, or very short. It doesn’t have to rhyme (but it can) it doesn’t have to flow like poetry (but it can). You can use spoken incantation to help direct energy when you’re using other methods, but you can also use it on it’s own.

Some examples of spoken magic:

* Affirmations

* Words of power

* Singing

* Ritual Offerings

* Wishes

You can even banish Spirit’s solely through your voice. Shouting ‘Leave!’ with the correct intention can be very powerful.

•Written Magic

Written magic has existed since we could write. Many cultures view writing AS magic. Think about it – 26 (or thereabouts, depends on your alphabet) tiny squiggles can become anything when placed in the right order. Dumbledore was right about the power of words.

Written magic can include:

* Petitions to Spirits

* Magic squares

* Words of power or protection

* Wishes

* Tattoos

* Rune work

Bag and Pouch Magic

There is all kinds of bag magic – from mojo bags, to more modern spell envelopes. The main idea behind bag or pouch magic is that keeping a carefully curated selection of objects together for a certain time period will produce the effects that you want. A lot of bag magic produces indefinite spells  provided they are charged. Such bags usually grant the wearer protection, prosperity, luck or good health. However, there are bag magics wear a specific time limited spell is wanted – invisibility spells, hex breakers and the like.

•Enchantments and Glamours

Enchantment covers a variety of spell types, but theme of the spells are pretty much the same. Enchantment covers a lot of the old folklore kind of witchcraft – hidden worlds, changing age, changing into different animals and so on.

Enchanting something fools the viewer into believing something is there when it is not, or isn’t there when it is, or is something completely different.

Think of the Harry Potter scene where Hermione explains that the ceiling of the Great Hall isn’t a real sky, it’s just enchanted to look that way.

Real enchantment can be done for fun, but they can also be useful pieces of magic. You can enchant jewelry, clothes or makeup to bestow certain personality traits upon you. You can enchant your witchy items to look normal if you’re fearful of discovery. The possibilities are just about endless.