#and to think this all dawned on me as a result of working out how to write Conrad in a fucked-up alien biology body horror piece which...

[feekins]

ok but y'all sleepin on Conrad fr like...how he's SO HAPPY!!! to see that Kni survived the Fall! that he RUNS TO GREET HIM WITH OPEN ARMS!!!!! and how damn GUILTY he feels about Tesla! and how RESPONSIBLE he likely feels for Kni?

think about it.

Vash has Luida and Brad.

Knives has Conrad - but bc he's Knives and bc Conrad carries so much guilt, the dynamic is TRAGICALLY different. has Conrad only ever been a tool to Knives? does Conrad keep going not [only] bc Knives won't let him die, but bc Conrad feels he has a duty to Knives? not just due to the guilt, but bc he also *legitimately cares* about Knives' wellbeing?? and always has????

idk man I just can't stop thinking about it - about how Conrad could've been (maybe tried to be?) the adult Kni would've benefitted from having growing up, and how there's nothing Conrad could do but watch as this angry, hurt, scared little boy both literally and figuratively took on the whole world 😭

[rosemaze-reveries]

Hello, I am the man boob requester, I enjoyed it very much! You’ve reminded me the existence of bane, I forgot how much I loved him.

This time I would like to request something less on crack-ish; idv characters of your choice with a freakishly quiet reader who makes a small noise to announce their presence whenever they enter a room to not freak people out pls.

My cat does this and it’s the cutest thing ever..

🎨⚓📣⛓️📍🖋️🏈

🎨 Edgar - "Stop doing that." He finds it weird and unnecessary. A proper excuse me would suffice. As a result, you start skipping your greetings altogether, only to discover that Edgar is surprisingly easy to spook. A few poorly-stifled heart attacks later he demands you go back to announcing yourself.

⚓ Jose lifts an inquisitive brow. "What was that, love?" When you repeat the sound, he tests it on his own tongue, as if trying to recognize the language. Then he smiles at you, snapping as it dawns on him: "Aha! But of course—modern balderdash. A beautiful language, one all the more enchanting on your sweet lips."

📣 Lily totally hijacks it. Just from the few times you make that sound, she adopts it into her daily hello's. She's much more talkative than you are, so she's usually the one that comes trotting in to visit you rather than the other way around. Guess it's hers now! At least she only uses it with you.

⛓️ Luca tends to lose himself in his work, drowning out all other sounds. It's easy to sneak up on him. He tunes out your little greeting the first few times you use it, and even now he still misses it sometimes. He starts responding with a small noise of his own to let you know he's heard you.

📍 Matthias spends a long time trying to decipher the meaning behind it. Some days he wonders if it's a signal to someone else, that he's being tracked in some way. One day he finds himself in a position where he's not sure how to catch someone's attention, and suddenly your small voice floats up in his head. All of a sudden it clicks. You won't mind him borrowing it just this once, right?

🖋️ Orpheus won't comment on it directly, but he does notice. He picks up on every little thing you do. He returns your greetings as he would anyone else, maybe giving you a nickname based on the sound, like little mouse or dove. The sound is endearing but unusual enough that he thinks about it often... You'll never get to hear his thoughts about it though.

🏈 William takes to this super quickly. For him, your quiet chirp is not so much a warning but a very welcome greeting. Whether he's working on something or mid-conversation, his face lights up like clockwork the moment he hears it. He'll glance around with a smile tugging at his lips until he spots you, where it blooms into a huge grin.

[heartfullofleeches]

Loser Reader and Melan, my Girlfailer Jester Gal Yan. Loser Reader could give less of a damn about Melan's clumsiness or the bodies that pile up as a result of her blunders and doing what she must to keep her biggest fan around. Their brain kinda short circuits seeing this tall ass jester monster girl and as the established monster fucker in my stories, Loser Reader will let Melan do whatever she pleases as long as she answers the age old question for them.

-

"I-I'm really really sorry about your friend! I was just doing knife practice again and I saw you both walk by and I started to panic and the blade just slipped from my hands and-"

As the freakishly tall woman rambles on, your eyes briefly flicker from the bells dangling from her collar down to the lifeless body of your coworker. Blood drains from hole in his back roughly the length and width of a small throwing dagger seeping the lining of your sneakers. It has to be the saddest part of this ordeal - you really needed those shoes for work tomorrow.

You're more worried about this odd woman than him. It's his own fault for spending the gas money you gave him on cigarettes again. If she keeps on apologizing without paying to take a breath, you'll have two dead bodies to deal with. Does she even need to breathe? She doesn't exactly look all that human now that you've gotten a better look at her.... Some type of clown....or jester. It's probably nothing, but her appearance coupled with her height leads you to believe otherwise. Did you genuinely happen to stumble across a jester girl throwing daggers at a wall past midnight? Your thoughts begin to wander away as you stand there. A process some unfamiliar with your way of being might find troubling if they happen to catch ear of what your mind spews out.

"Do they....honk?..."

In the midst of tripping over her own words, the sudden slip of your tongue nearly sends the woman tumbling over oversized ends of her sleeves. She stands upright, balancing her weight on trembling legs as she mutters a meek. "Does..what honk?"

Crap, did you say that outloud? "Hm? Oh, nothing... I was just thinking of some thing I heard about clowns. I can see you're more of a jester, but that falls under the same number right?"

The woman stares down at her shoes. You think so, anyway - it's hard to tell where she's looking with her hat blocking fourty percent of her face. "I...I guess? If you're talking about my nose then uh it does... sometimes"

"I was talking about your chest."

You could've sworn she popped a blood vessel from how her pale face turned tomato red.

"You.... HUH?"

You raise your hands in defense, however your guilt ends there. "Sorry! My brain has a mind of its own. If it makes you feel better, I say dumb shit all the time. If it clears up my mistake entirely, you were pretty sharp with that knife throwing."

The blush of her face dims. Less fiery and more...warm. "You .. you really think so?"

"Yeah. You could probably even avoid casualties if you lift that hat off your eyes.... Listen, I really don't want to be around when people find this guy and I'm not a snitch either so you don't have to worry about me ratting on you. He's your problem now. See y'all!"

Squeezing past the jester, you sprint off into the direction of your apartment - meticulously dodging the glow of street lifes to keep your bloody shoe prints unnoticed till dawn. Alone in the alleyway, Melan reflects on the events that just occurred. She... just killed someone. That alone should terrified her, but every thought in her mind cycles back to you. You're strange. A bit perverse, but you spoke your mind about her.. Was everything you said to her true too?

Dragging the body behind a dumpster, Melan wishes that just maybe you'd become another one of her problems.

One that would follow her through her improvement as a performer.

[rizsu]

professional guide on how to boyfriend jujutsu kaisen ( men ).

⤹ list ﹢ gojō satoru, sukuna ryōmen, chōsō.

﹙ syn ﹚ having near-to-zero experience with serious romantic relationships, it's time to teach them how to romance. the journey won't be easy, but the results will hopefully be fruitful.

extra. songs: betcha (bbh), seven (jk), very nice (svt).

week one : how to flirt as if you were shakespeare. note. refrain from using big words because they sound ‘cool’.

GOJO SATORU — "you're hating on my vocabulary?"

slowly, but very surely, you can feel your stress-meter rise to its peak. if someone were to animate your current expression, there will be three veins protruding out on your forehead to show your stress. it's almost as if it's second-nature for satoru to be annoying. he isn't doing it on purpose, unfortunately, it's just the way he is.

i should've ignored his call, a voice in your head speaks, i really should've. you were enjoying your own presence, simply lazing around during your off-day when three rings disrupted the peace. groaning, you reluctantly picked it up.

"hello—"

"come to enha's bakery, PLEASE," satoru's rushed voice spoke, immediately ending the call after his request-demand.

annoyance dawned and slowly transitioned into confusion. first, he needs to fix his habit of cutting you off. second, with the tone of his voice, maybe you should go.

big mistake.

not only was he chewing your ears off with talking, he also ate half of your pastry. you weren't able to get a full sentence in, he just kept going. dressed in suit and tie, hair styled and gelled up, satoru looked handsomely professional. according to what you've gathered from his rambling, he's been set up with one of the higher ups' daughter for business purposes. he needs to woo her or he's gonna lose a significant amount of pay. the problem? well, his flirting skills aren't all that. his confidence can help him, but it'll only help for a fraction of the date.

"what's the issue? you're handsome," you started, sliding your pastry back to you. "you should be able to woo her with your face alone."

"you are not wrong—"

"i'm never wrong," you cut him off.

"let me speak. anyway, i was informed that she isn't one for looks alone. i don't care about her, but she's the daughter of some high fucker," his voice reeked of defeat.

you weren't well-knowledged in satoru's field of work, but you knew he had it against the "higher ups." well, you had no choice but to know. satoru often thought of you as someone he can be free with — so, in conclusion, you were the victim of his word-vomit moments.

the two of you fell silent, thinking about solutions to save satoru. eyeing the pastry, you pondered your brain. there has to be a way to help satoru. perhaps some walkie-talkies? no, those are too loud. follow him into the restaurant and monitor his behaviour? no, that's too much work. crash his date and ask him why he's cheating on you? no, that'll probably end in your death.

satoru himself is deep in thought, already annoyed at the date that's going to become the bane of his existence in eight hours from now. should he bring you with him? maybe, but you'll deny his offer. should he ask you to pretend to be his girlfriend? no, he'd rather ask without the "pretend."

oh he's fucked.

i'm so fucked.

"wait," you leaned into the table, sporting an expression that says 'i have an idea'.

"yes?" satoru mirrors you, eyes speaking 'tell me'.

"what if i teach you how to flirt? we should have enough time to teach you how to boyfriend, right?" your idea was good. it turned the gears in both minds.

satoru opens his mouth but presses it into a thin line. there's an obstacle in the way of making this idea perfect.

"sounds good but.. the date's... tonight."

"you are fucked."

he nods at your response, feeling the salt rubbing in his wound. i guess i should just—

"but, if we go now we'll have enough time. it's 11AM, we can do it," you tapped your index finger twice on your phone's screen, showing satoru the time. if you move now, success is evident.

"let's go then," agreeing, he stands up, stuffing his car keys into his pocket and opening his wallet.

—

you've run out of pillows and whiteboard markers. the last two hours were spent either scribbling nonsense on a mini-whiteboard or throwing objects at satoru. the teaching isn't working. every lesson you've gone through ended in satoru's failure. is it on purpose? you hope it isn't.

"satoru, for the last time, that does not sound like a real word!" your hand slapped the table, physically showing your frustration.

groaning, satoru throws his head back, "you said use poetic words!"

"what part of scrumdiddlyumptious sounds poetic to you?!" you deadpanned at him.

he slouches further down the couch, grabbing his phone to search the word on google. it took him only one minute to find the word and its definition. raising up from slouching, he leans over the coffee table, stretching an arm out to show you the word.

"scrumdiddlyumptious — adjective · informal 1. (of food) extremely tasty; delicious. 2. (of a person) very attractive."

reluctant to admit defeat, you weaponized the word being informal against him, "it's not formal! you will not use it."

satoru's high of being right dies down immediately. his mouth twitches, eyes looking at you with disbelief.

"babe, you cannot be serious right now."

"babe, i am so serious right now," you mocked him, not thinking too deep into his nickname. there's no meaning behind it anyway. you, too, use babe as platonic name.

eventually, satoru tuned out your voice. he returned back to his previous slouching position, staring at you blankly as your words go in one ear and out the other.

it didn't take long for you to notice his dejected aura. does he hate it that much? you wondered, feeling a slight pity for him.

"don't worry, satoru. it's just one date."

"i will be worrying," satoru counters you, already sour at the date-to-come.

if he were to be honest, the date isn't the problem, nor is the flirting. he believes his flirting skills to be at a decent level. he also doesn't mind spending money on others. it's just that he doesn't want to entertain her. maybe, just maybe, if it were you, he'd be more excited.

you didn't say anything after him, only shooting him an annoying smile. seriously, you don't know what's worrying him. he's basically every girl's eye candy — not to mention, he looks so much like a boyfriend right now. that doesn't make a lot of sense, but if others can see what you're seeing, they'll understand. his white fitted tee accentuates his upper body's muscles, the black sweatpants do its job, his hair that's still styled, and the silver wristwatch on his hand. simple, yet sexy.

SUKUNA RYOMEN — "i'm too old for this shit."

sukuna, your sweet sukuna. your sukuna who's most likely weighing out which option is the better one to shut you up. he doesn't know why he agreed to listen to your rambles at midnight, but he's too far in to call it quitsies.

according to what you told him, you gained the idea of teaching him how to update his romance. it all came crashing to you when you were in the third-quarter of an episode of some random dating show. you blanked out most of the episode, not paying attention as the main objective of watching it was to not stare into nothing while eating.

the show itself didn't interest you, but the concept did. the participants were blindfolded, being told to use their judgement of character to choose their date. they'd have to rely on their personalities and voices to attract someone — a pretty neat idea. looks aren't everything. unfortunately, they might just be for sukuna if he doesn't work on his attitude.

often does sukuna act like he's a fifty-five-years-old office worker named penelope in the management department: old, easily annoyed, and always has something to complain about. you're probably the only human on earth who can handle sukuna for more than a day. of course, this is due to you being similar to him — if not then exactly like him. your attitudes fit together like jigsaw puzzle pieces.

sukuna's hands are clasped together behind his head, one leg raised on the bed, and torso out in the open for everyone to view. he's actively listening to you, giving his judgement here and there.

you're sitting with your legs criss-crossed, a pillow in the middle of your thighs, and hands speaking their own language. the habit of using your hands expressively when talking will never leave you.

"...so, if you were to find a girl, you neeed to be kind! no one likes a man with a stick up his ass," you warned sukuna, moving your index finger side-to-side.

"you do," sukuna says, raising an eyebrow at you.

unfortunately, he left you speechless — but not for long! you soon regained your speaking skills after realizing you don't have a good comeback.

coughing two times, you started your lesson again, "anyyyway, always tell her she's beautiful, gorgeous, breathless, or whatever. everyone loves a little compliment about their appearance!"

almost as if it's an automatic setting, sukuna replies, "what if she's facially challenged?"

"OH—" your jaw dropped. "sukuna, you can't just say that!"

he re-positions himself, this time laying on his side with his arm supporting his head.

"if someone's visually impaired i'm telling them."

you sighed, feeling disappointed at his brutual honesty, "what do you even mean by visually impaired?"

"they're ugly," he shrugs.

his tone isn't serious, implying that he's joking but you know he isn't. sukuna's a man of his word; the truth is what leaves his mouth every time. you shouldn't worry — you really, really shouldn't, but what if that's what he thinks about you? are you facially challenged in his eyes? you've gone silent, allowing yourself to drown in the thoughts.

sukuna notices your silence, sighs, and jabs your side with his foot.

"if you're thinking that i believe you're ugly, then stop," he begins, continuing the foot-jabbing-at-your-side-movement when you don't respond. "you're beautiful, believe me. you know i don't lie."

that catches your attention. you feel a sudden heat creeping up the back of your neck. keeping your voice low, you questioned him, still unsure of whether he's being truthful or not, "are you lying?"

"i swear," his voice is firm, reaching his free hand out to your thigh. physical contact to him is very important!

you return to the silence, only this time you lock your eyes in sukuna's. it's up to you to believe whether he's lying or not, and honestly, you don't care. you know he never lies, and you rather enjoy your fantasy instead of the harsh reality ( if he's truly lying ).

CHOSO — "man, fuck all that."

throughout your entire life you never expected to meet someone like choso. he is, in your words, a bitch boy. acts like a bitch, very expressive with his facial expressions, sarcastic, a male, and the worst of all, a little thief.

you humbly thought baking with choso would've been a good idea for celebrating the end of your finals. oh you were so wrong. he's messy, ate half the chocolate chips, and has been stealing spoons of cookie batter. when you confronted him, he simply said, "we can always make more," and shrugged. the audacity!

there's only so much choso someone can handle before they explode.

"you dumb fuck, how can you get a wife with this behaviour?!" you scolded, slapping his hand away from the freshly baked batch of cookies with a whisk.

he immediately retreats his hand, looking at you with an expression that says 'have you gone insane?'

"don't look at me like that," you warned, raising an eyebrow at his very well-hidden annoyance at you.

choso rolls his eyes, this time reaching the uninjured hand for the sprinkles. he sneakily slides the packet to him, intensely watching you to make sure you don't happen to see him committing such a crime. mouthing a little "yes!" at his victory, he empties half the sprinkles in his hand and throws it into his mouth.

"an’ wha’ if i ‘on't care about a wife," his words are muffled due to his mouth being filled with the sprinkles. he tries his best to hide the crunch sound, lowering his head each time he needs to crunch on some.

your back's still turned to him, simply too busy with monitoring sugar-soon-to-be-caramel on the stove.

"you're gonna have to care soon. you don't wanna die alone!" you nagged, making a point to him.

his right eyebrow raises at your words, lips ready to move at your hypocrisy, "you yourself said you don't want a partner!"

"at this point," you stopped, turning around to face choso. "i'm gonna have to teach you how to be a romantic young man."

"what are you implying...?"

"it's time for dating lessons."

"no, thank you."

unfortunately, choso has no say in this household. he had to listen. you sat him down on the chair, making sure he focuses with all his attention and doesn't steal any of the desserts. believe choso when he said he tried to take you seriously. he really did, but your messy apron along with vigorously hand-mixing batter with a serious expression as you talked his ear off caught him off-guard.

"sometimes you even have to get on your knees, choso! i'm telling you."

"i'm not doing all of that," he disagrees.

"oh, trust me. when you're in love you will," you spoke, resting the hand-mixer down to draw an invisible heart in the air.

he doesn't give you a verbal response. instead, he squints his eyes at you. when one's gone, another is born. when one stress is gone, another is born ( your nagging ). he doesn't like it one bit, but at least it's coming from you. he'd rather have you down his ears — whether it's by using your vocals or channeling your inner mother and scolding him.

[authorhjk1]

Surviving NNN

Part Two: Almost dead

You put on a loose pair of shorts and a grey shirt, before walking out of your room. It's four in the morning, so everyone is asleep. It's the only time of the day when you can run freely, without having to fear getting caught by crazy fans or the media. The three girls are still sleeping.

Walking out of your room, You head towards the counter to get yourself a glass of water. You do it as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake the sleeping Minju. Heading for the door of your apartment, you stop in your tracks as you stand next to the couch.

Minju is lying in front of it on the mattress. Her eyes are shut, her chest underneath the blanket is heaving and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. You cant help but look at her legs, remembering how she looked last night. The blanket must have moved over night. Her feet and her legs are comletely out in the open. You can see the smoothness of her skin in the light of the flashlight on your phone. Her full thighs look just as good as they did after she came out of the shower.

As your eyes follow her legs upwards, you realize that she barely wearing anything at all. Your breathing stops as you see that something red is peaking out from underneath the blanket. Her panties. You can see the hint of her cheeks, which seem as full as her thighs. A result of her dancing and working out.

You shake your head wildly, trying to clear your thoughts. You have to win this bet. Quickly walking past her, you take your keys from the small bowl Karina put next to the door.

The run does help. It helps getting rid of your situation in your pants, but not so much in your mind. What would've happened if you had taken the blanket to cover her up? You run faster, trying to get that thought out of your head, but it's already too late.

You see her move a little as you pull the blanket over her legs. As you are about to get up, Minju's eyes flatter open.

"Oppa?"

Her sleepy voice makes you hard as she smiles at you, her eyes half closed.

"M-Minju. I thought you might be cold."

She slowly shakes her head.

"Wile having the dream of my life? I don't think so."

"Oh. I apologize if I have woken you up"

Minju shakes her head.

"It's fine, Oppa. Sometimes reality is way better than a dream."

You don't really understand what she is talking about. But it dawns on you, when you stand up.

"Where are you going? You have to make it up to me." The sleepiness in her voice slowly fades, as she looks up at you.

"Make it up to you? Why?"

Lying on her back, Minji slowly pushes the blanket off of her. You try your best. You really do. But her words make you look.

"You left me all hot and bothered in my dream. Shouldn't you take responsibility?

Your eyes wonder over her body. Her face is as cute as it alway is. Her dark eyes seem even darker in the dim light of the moon outside. Complementing her red underwear is a red bra. It's simple, except for the small red bow at the front between her breasts. They aren't as big as Karina's, but then again, most idols can't compare with her.

Minju's shoulders and belly are exposed, showing more of her delicious looking skin. Her red panties are just the right mix of not showing too much and yet showing as much as posiible. If she would turn around, you would guess she is almost wearing a thong. But the place that now has most of your attention is her front.

Right underneath a small red bow, her panties are visibly darker. You can see the outlines of her lips underneath the thin fabric, inviting you to swipe your tongue across their length.

"D-Did you actually dream of me?"

Those are the only words you are able to say.

"I did. And if you are even half as big as in my dream..."

Her voice trails off as Minju's eyes wander to your shorts.

"I-I can't do this. I have a girlfriend."

"Does that mean we can't have a little fun? She isn't here anyways."

"It's not about her being here or not. It's the fact that Karina is my girlfriend."

It becomes harder and harder for you to resist.

"Oh please. You just like her because she has those big boobs. Those are not everything, you know?"

Minju lets a hand sneak towards her bra. She hooks her thumb underneath her right bra strap, before slowly pulling it off her shoulder.

"I might have a smaller chest. But my body has so much more to offer."

Her other hand glides over her midriff.

"Just do what you did in my dream and you will find out what heaven feels like."

"What did I do?"

A sly smirk plays around Minju's lips. She continues wit that seductive tone in her voice.

"I was lying just like this. And you were naked. Your dick was inside my pussy. You plowed my so hard that I felt it everywhere. You choked me as you got closer."

Minju stops for just a second to wrap one of her own hands around her throat.

"Just like this. And after you made me orgasm on your cock, you came in me."

Her other hand moves down to rub herself over the thin fabric.

"You came so much. I was never filled up so good before."

You finally reach your building. Unable to wait another second, you rush through the door to your apartment as soon as the elevator doors open. You don't even glance at Minju as you head for the bathroom. Opening the door, you get in.

A shower. A cold one. That will be the only way to stop this. You are almost about to cum without even touching yourself.

Your heart drops, when you realize you are not alone in the room. Standing in front of the mirror is Yena. Her pink hair wet from the shower she just took. Her toned body only wrapped in a towel. She is reaching upwards, trying to take something out of your cabinet. There is nothing in there that she could use. And yet, you almost have heart attack, as she gets on her tiptoes. Her towel rides higher an higher...

[thefrogdalorian]

hi spud! i remembered u did requests & was wondering if maybe u could do like a first kiss scenario w din? 🥺 something soft & yearn-y? aha. no worries if u can't but thanks anyways. 🩷

Hello Senna! Thank you so much for your request! Thinking about a first kiss with Din really inspired me (how does he hide his face from you and still kiss you? What leads up to the moment?? so many questions!!) and this was the result. There is plenty of yearning and some softness sprinkled in but a little angst too (very happy ending though aghhhdkgj). Thanks again and really hope you like it!! 🤍

A New Dawn

Din Djarin x GN!Reader

Word Count: 5107

Rating: General

Summary:  Travelling through the galaxy with a mysterious nameless and faceless Mandalorian with a reputation as the best bounty hunter in the parsec would probably terrify most people. Instead, over the months you have known Mando, you have discovered his gentler, more affectionate side. Living in such proximity to the man you have an enormous crush on threatens to suffocate you as you determine that he must never find out. But after a job seemingly goes badly wrong on a forest planet, the fear of losing him will perhaps finally be the tipping point for a new dawn in your relationship...

Content Warnings: Kissing, bit of angst when there's brief panic for Din/reader's safety (happy ending though!), allusions to violence (canon-typical, nothing descriptive/graphic).

✯ My Masterlist ✯ Read on AO3 ✯

Upon that fateful day on which you had entered an agreement with a bounty hunter, you had been under no illusions that there would be much unpredictability given his line of work. That there would be periods of isolation when he left you behind in his ship while he went in search of his latest bounty. You could be alone on that ship for weeks; well, save for the big-eared, bug-eyed green baby, whose care you had been entrusted with, by the mysterious man who was your employer. When agreeing to travel with The Mandalorian, you had expected the randomness of the path that you cut through the galaxy, journeying from planet to planet depending on his latest jobs. The anguish that came with wondering where he was and whether the jobs were going well as you sat in the Razor Crest and cared for his child. Despite how much it had bothered you at first, you had gradually become used to such emotions. You expected them.

What you had never expected was the fondness you had developed for the man.

The first few times that Mando had headed off the ship for a job, you had been almost nonchalant about his absence, barely noticing the passage of time. You passed your days playing with The Child when you were not fast asleep in your bunk. But slowly and surely, he had begun to mean something more to you. You noticed it in his absence most of all. The ship felt empty without his deep voice and you missed his calm, reassuring presence.

It was strange really, considering that you had never laid eyes upon him. In fact, you had rarely seen him dressed in anything less than his full armour, complete with all the weapons he attached to himself almost ritualistically, without fail, every single day. Even if you were merely hurtling through hyperspace, he was still armed to the teeth. Mando had explained that weapons were part of his religion and his armour was like a second skin to him. You were curious, but not judgmental, about his way of life. It was vastly different to your own and entirely contradictory to anything you had ever heard about Mandalorians before. Even the scant information you had overheard about the formidable warriors in the miserable Cantina where you had once been employed had never included anything about Mandalorians being forbidden from removing their helmets in the presence of others. 

Mando had made it abundantly clear, before you ever stepped foot aboard the Razor Crest, that wearing his helmet was a definitive boundary, never to be questioned or pushed. It was his ultimate line in the sand that you were never to cross. You were respectful of his Creed, asking questions with a curious rather than invasive intention which he seemed to appreciate. In fact, rather than driving a wedge between you, his Way had provoked many thoughtful conversations between the two of you.

There were nights you would sit in the cockpit as the brilliant blue trails of hyperspace surrounded you, bonding over your similar pasts. Sometimes, you would wake up in the bunk underneath the tiny hammock that belonged to The Child with no memory of clambering in the previous night. He never admitted it, but you were almost certain that Mando had carried you there himself, putting his impressive physique to use for something other than hauling bounties back to the Razor Crest. 

Amongst it all, you had learned his habits and quirks. You learned the way he liked his caf in the morning. How meticulous he was with polishing his armour until it gleamed so brightly, even in the dark of hyperspace, that you could see every detail of your reflection, right down to your pores. You discovered that he cleaned his weapons, taking them apart and checking every inch of them when he was particularly stressed or his bounties were not as straightforward as he had hoped. 

Most of all, you discovered how incredibly kind and caring the man beneath the hard, intimidating armour truly was.

Although he had weapons strapped to every inch of his body, Mando could be impossibly gentle. You had witnessed evidence of his ruthless efficiency when he returned to the ship laden with several bounties. Sometimes alive, sometimes dead, though he usually prevented you from seeing the more grisly sights. Yet the man you saw most often of all, moving around the Razor Crest with you as you hurtled around the galaxy, amongst the stars was different to reconcile with the violent nature of his profession. 

It was difficult to believe that the hands that had earned him the reputation as the most formidable bounty hunter in the parsec due to their proficiency in neutralising even elusive targets were the very same hands that were impossibly gentle when placing The Child in his hammock. The same hands that had extinguished countless lives had been used to rock the little one after he awoke from the nightmares that frequently plagued him. Nightmares that plagued Mando, too. But you had never been bold enough to bring up the tossing and turning you had heard from his bunk pretty much every night since you had started travelling with him. Despite the relatively personal conversations and information you had gleaned from him, it still felt a step too far. You didn’t want to cause him to shut down by prying, especially not after he had seemed to become genuinely comfortable in your presence and show you the gentler side of his nature. 

You felt so privileged to see such a side to him. It was a side that you had never expected to witness. After all, you had been utterly terrified the first time you encountered him, when he strutted into the run-down Cantina you worked in. He was impossible not to stare at, clad in that unpainted armour that glinted when the light hit it in just the right spot. You had never seen a Mandalorian in the flesh before, but you had heard plenty of legends about them. Mandalorians were famed across the galaxy for their ruthless, lethal accuracy and formidable fighting skills. 

That feeling of gratitude had soon developed into something else, though. A feeling that you would class as affection, albeit affection that was veering dangerously close into the territory of a four-letter word that your mind could not even contemplate. A feeling that would be all too dangerous to harbour for a man who you still felt you knew so little about. 

You were certain that your feelings for Mando were doing untold damage to your health. Living in such proximity to a man you harboured a devastatingly intense crush towards would one day succeed in suffocating you. Your chest ached whenever he was near, knowing that there was no possibility he could ever reciprocate your feelings. You knew that your love would remain unrequited. Above all, you knew that he must never, ever discover the depths of your affection towards him. 

There were more than a few times you had dissolved into tears during a few moments of solitude in the ‘fresher; your salty tears mixing with the hot jets of water from the Razor Crest’s shower. One particular occasion, when your feelings had left you particularly devastated, was the evening when Mando had returned from his latest job, during which he had to terminate the asset after one escape attempt too many. The asset’s termination would result in a lower fee and you knew that was partially the reason for Mando’s frustration. Yet, despite his reputation, you also knew that he did not relish killing bounties, much preferring to lure them back to the ship and freeze them in carbonite. In everything you knew about him, it appeared that Mando did not get a particular thrill from killing people that he, personally, had no qualms with. Although you knew that if anyone ever threatened even one white hair on the wrinkled little head of The Child, Mando would not hesitate to cut them down where they stood. 

That evening, The Mandalorian’s exasperation had been evident from the second he had returned to the Razor Crest, ordering you and The Child to hide in the cockpit while he stored the remains so you would not have to witness such a gruesome sight. You knew immediately that the job had not been easy and your heart ached for him. When Mando had given you the all-clear, you had descended the ladder down to the main hull of the ship with shaky hands and legs. Your trembling limbs did not come from the fact you were descending the rungs one-handed and carefully cradling The Child in your other arm, you were well used to that. No, you were dreading seeing Mando so frustrated… because of the way it made you feel. Seeing him so wound up, knowing that you were the one to put his pieces back together in your own subtle way thrilled you. It was a dangerous prospect. 

“I take it the job wasn’t successful?” You questioned, tone neutral. You attempted to appear as nonchalant as possible as you handed The Child to him. You hoped that taking the little one in his arms would go some way to calming him down.

“No,” Mando responded, definitively. His tone of voice made it abundantly clear that he did not want to discuss the matter further with you. 

“Perhaps I could put The Child to bed, while you take a shower?” You offered, wanting to do anything to soothe his frayed nerves. 

Mando shook his head. 

“I’ll do it, thanks,” he added gruffly.

You nodded before turning your back and climbing the ladder back up to the cockpit to give them their space. There was hardly any privacy in a ship so compact. Sometimes it could feel slightly claustrophobic aboard the Razor Crest, but you and Mando had worked a pretty good system out by now so you did not feel as though you were constantly on top of each other. You learned that he was a surprisingly patient man and did not express his anger in the way one might have expected from one capable of so much violence.

It was no surprise when you descended the rungs a while later to find him standing in front of the weapons cabinet, broad shoulders tensed as he examined his impressively-stocked armoury. You didn’t say a word, wondering whether he was about to tell you to return to the cockpit and leave him alone. Though you hoped that he would interpret your presence as a comforting one, not an invasive one. 

“Could you pass me the cleaning cloth, please?” Mando asked.

“Of course,” you replied, opening the crate where he kept his cleaning equipment. You selected the cloth that you knew he favoured and handed it to him, the corners of your lips curving upwards in a slight, shy smile. 

“Thank you,” Mando said appreciatively as his gloved hand rested on your upper arm and squeezed it gently. You sensed that he was thanking you for much more than passing him the cloth. Something about his touch and the way he said it had sickened you to your core. 

“I‘m gonna take a shower,” was all you managed to say, before you turned away from him.

You had practically sprinted to the ‘fresher then, needing privacy more than anything as you crumbled. As tears streamed down your cheeks, you tortured yourself over and over asking the same question:

How could a man capable of such violence be so gentle with you? 

Your soul was truly tortured by the feelings that you held for this man. 

It was that moment you thought of now. A moment amongst many others, as you sat and waited for Mando to return from his latest assignment. You were accustomed to days turning to weeks and weeks even turning to months on the rare occasion. It was a solitary experience, just you and The Child in the Razor Crest. You would not see another life form for weeks. Nor would you speak to anyone other than The Child. You weren't always certain whether he understood you. Mando always left a comlink with you, but it was reachable only by him. It was strictly for emergencies. In all the months that you had travelled with him, it had never once sounded when he was off on a mission. It had led you to wonder whether it even worked at all.

Occasionally, Mando would permit you to leave the ship but on particularly hostile planets, you were confined to the silver hull of his home, with just your ration packs and the mysterious green child for company.

This particular planet was one of such peril. Thus, Mando had forbidden you from leaving the ship. Although you always respected his demands, for The Child’s as much as your own sake, you adored the little guy, the loneliness was beginning to eat into your gut and make you feel grouchy after such a long period of isolation. Mando had told you that he expected the job to last no more than three days, but it was ten since he had crept out in the dead of night, armed to the teeth in pursuit of a crime lord who had made one enemy too many. 

As you lay back on the bunk, thinking of the man who had unexpectedly left such a deep impression on your heart, The Child began mewling. You instantly sat up, sighing softly as you reached into his hammock and stroked the end of one of his large green ears between your thumb and forefinger. 

“What’s up, buddy?” You questioned, rocking him gently and hoping that you had prevented him from dissolving into gut-wrenching sobs.

The Child just gazed at you with his big brown eyes, expression unreadable. 

“Do you want something to eat?” You asked, often knowing that the way to soothe his heart was through his stomach. 

The Child finally gave some indication of what was wrong with a small nod and you opened the door to the bunk and made your way towards the fortunately still well-stocked cupboards. Fortunately, Mando was fastidious in always ensuring there was enough food for the two of you. You appreciated that all the more as you gave The Child a bar which he wolfed down in only a couple of bites, despite his tiny frame. He had been fed barely an hour ago, but the little guy had a voracious appetite.

With a newly full stomach, you hoped that the little womp rat would finally get some sleep when you returned him to his hammock. Yet, as you lay back on your own bunk, you found that you could not settle.

Time became an illusion after so many days cooped up in the Razor Crest and despite the late hour, according to your chrono, you found that you were wide awake. There was nothing to do except pace around the Crest. 

You must have paced around the Crest enough times to cover the circumference of the planet when you were finally on when a sound caused you to stop in your tracks. It sounded like a faint crackle from where your comlink rested on some crates, forgotten and discarded. Until now. You barely had time to react before it chirped into life, with the sound of a familiar deep voice crackling slightly suddenly blaring from it.

Mando was calling your name.

You darted across the hull and scooped up the comlink from its position on top of the very crate from which you had fished out cleaning supplies. You were startled by the fact that Mando was actually using it. 

“It’s Mando,” he panted, tone desperate. “Listen, things aren’t looking good. If I’m not back by sunrise, take The Child and run. Promise me, you’ll get out of there. Promise m–”

Before Mando could finish and much less, could you even respond, the line went dead.

You stood there, startled by the turn of events. Your mind racing with thoughts. Where would you go? Which supplies should you pack? How far away was sunrise from now? Could you even use a blaster to shoot an enemy down, if needed? What were you going to do without Mando? How would you take care of The Child alone?

You wanted to sink to your knees, shout and scream. That was not an option. You knew that you had to keep going. Mando had wanted you to vow to him, which you would have done in a heartbeat had the line not first been cruelly cut. Even if he could not hear you, you still wanted to pledge your word to him.

“I promise I’ll protect The Child, Mando,” you whispered, clutching the comlink to your chest as tears streamed down your cheeks silently and the realisation that you could find yourself alone in the galaxy once more dawned upon you. 

You spent the next couple of hours packing and then repacking as many bags as you could manage to carry and pathetically practising gripping a blaster. Mando had demonstrated once or twice, in case you ever found yourself in a bind. You were certainly in one now, but the adrenaline coursing through your body made it near impossible to remember such careful, deliberate instructions. You contemplated the fact that he had chosen you for a reason, to care for The Child. Whatever such a reason was, it seemed futile now. You were in no fit state to care for anyone.

The guilt threatened to overwhelm you as you spent a few precious minutes watching The Child sleep, blissfully unaware of the anguished state his caregiver was currently in. Your heart ached for him. The bond he shared with Mando was something beyond words and you knew he would be devastated. How could you manage to take care of a distraught child and keep him safe from the same evil forces that had taken his father? 

You checked your chrono, heart sinking as you realised how close sunrise now was. Your heart thundered in your ears as you ascended the ladder for what was almost certainly the last time, your head peeking over the floor of the cockpit as you saw the pitch blackness of night gradually giving way to the lighter shade of blue that indicated that sunrise was imminent. As soon as the sky was flecked with oranges and pinks, you knew you had to obey Mando’s command and leave. 

You imagined him, frightened and injured, stumbling his way through the thick trees you could just about see from the cockpit, desperately fighting to return to you. You willed him on, hoping against all odds that he would make it back to you, safe and sound. You would berate him for putting himself into such a dangerous position. Then, you would piece him back together and prepare him to do it all over again. You were hopelessly devoted to him. Now, such devotion had placed you in this position. Alone, once again.

Alas, despite a valiant effort, Mando's return was not to be. He had tried his best, but it was not good enough. When the sky blazed brilliant bronze, you knew it was time to go. 

You descended the rungs for the last time, bidding a silent farewell to the ship where you had found so much happiness with such an unlikely companion and his even unlikelier son. You felt a lump in your throat, your eyes filling with tears as the finality of the moment dawned on you. Then, you exhaled and pushed your shoulders back, imagining yourself wearing armour like Mando. You had to do it, for him. You had to grant his dying wish. You had to be brave for The Child.

You were only two paces from the bunk when you heard it. The unmistakable whirring of the Razor Crest’s door opening. It was a sound that usually signified Mando's return. This time, though, it signified your imminent demise.

You were frozen to the spot, then. You were certain that the forces that had gotten to Mando were now here to finish you and The Child off, too. You contemplated reaching for the blaster that was in the bags just a few steps away, but you knew it was futile, given your inexperience. The forces that had murdered your Mandalorian would make short work of someone as inept as you. The best you could do was give yourself up, so that The Child may live. Hopefully, he would be undetected in his bunk, sleeping soundly despite the bloodshed just a few paces away.

You shut your eyes and thought of Mando, wondering if you were about to join him. You braced yourself for a blaster shot that never came. For it was not the alien sounds of a mysterious, threatening entity that your ears detected emanating approaching your position. No, it was not that at all.

Instead, you stood there, aghast as the familiar heavy, even thuds and slight clinking of armour echoed with every step up the ramp of the Razor Crest. The reassuring sound finally reached through your frayed nerves and your eyes flew open as you spun around in disbelief. This was not the end. There was no threat. Instead, there was an instantly familiar sound, one that you had feared you would never hear again. The noise signalled to you that somehow, against all odds, he had returned to you.

“Mando?” You questioned, momentarily terrified that an enemy holding a blaster would appear into view behind him.

“Sorry about that,” Mando huffed and you realised that particular fear was unfounded. “Job got a bit messier than I anticipated.”

The only indication of the gravity of his situation that had necessitated his desperate message was the evidence of numerous blaster shots that his armour had clearly taken, given the black marks on its otherwise pristine surface. The corners of your lips curled up in a knowing smirk. You knew he would spend most of your journey to the next planet cleaning every single plate with painstaking attention to detail. 

“But th-the you used the comlink?” You stuttered, aghast at his sudden appearance in the Razor Crest.

“I did,” he confirmed. “And were you about to leave?” Mando asked as he entered the ship and approached you. You were unable to reply with words, suddenly feeling incredibly choked up. You nodded and gestured towards the bags you had hurriedly packed.

“Good,” Mando nodded approvingly.

“I thought you were…” you shook your head, unable to finish that sentence and vocalise the dark places your mind had travelled.

“Dead.” Mando finished for you.

You nodded again. You would almost be amused by his familiar bluntness were you not still so shocked by his presence.

“I had sharper reflexes,” he shrugged cockily, a simple explanation for events that you were sure were far more complex than he was letting on.

“I thought I was alone. I thought I… I thought I’d have to leave here and never see you again,” you stammered, voice cracking at the thought. “Did you at least complete the job?”

“Yes,” Mando nodded. “Proof of termination was sufficient and I acquired it,” he explained, deep voice slightly hoarse thanks to the force that he had undoubtedly exerted in completing such a perilous job. 

“I don’t know if I want to kill you, or kiss you right now,” you sighed, shaking your head in disbelief at his accomplishment. Then, the realisation that you had finally given voice to your most intimate thoughts dawned on you. You clapped your hand over your mouth, eyes widening in horror. You were utterly mortified.

Mando was unmoving, which only added to your panic. You noticed the way his hands clenched into fists briefly and he sighed deeply. Then he tilted his head slightly and unclenched his fists.

“Close your eyes,” Mando commanded. 

Although his voice was quiet, something about the way he said it struck fear into your heart. There was a darkness to his voice, to his tone that terrified you. You were certain that he was going to punish you for such a remark. You had always been slightly afraid of him despite the gentleness he had shown you. Now, it appeared that those lingering fears were well-founded. He was probably disgusted by you. He had taken you in when you were at your lowest, given you a job, a bunk and a purpose. 

Yet, he had unknowingly given you so much more than that. It didn’t matter anymore, though. Especially not now that you had let your feelings get the better of you. You were convinced that he was going to kick you out, convinced that there was absolutely no possibility that he reciprocated your feelings for him. Mando hated you. You were certain of that.  

“Mando, I’m sorry. I didn’t mea–” you stammered, eyes still widened in horror.

The presence of soft leather against your skin abruptly cut your frantic apologies off, mid-utterance. His glove was warm across your forehead, nose and cheeks as his hand dwarfed your features. The loss of vision that came with his gloved hand covering your eyes stopped all coherent thoughts in your brain. The hiss of his helmet depressurising, a sound you had previously heard only through the door of the ‘fresher, made your heart quicken until it was beating with alarming speed. Then, the feeling of his soft lips moving gently against yours caused it to stop completely.

You were struck by two things. Firstly, the fact that the man you had been certain was dead, was not only very much alive but was presently moving his lips against yours. Secondly, underneath his helmet, Mando apparently kept a moustache. You could feel the bristles of his facial hair tickling slightly as his lips claimed yours in a tender kiss.

You were certain that your heart was going to give out if your knees did not first, momentarily fearful that you would send the pair of you crashing in a tangle of limbs to the hard, metallic surface of the Razor Crest’s floor with a thud. Fortunately, you happened to be kissing the most formidable bounty hunter in the parsec, who soon wrapped his spare arm around your waist and demonstrated, in the way that he held you, all the strength and certainty that had gained him such a reputation. You smirked against his lips as the hand that was not currently covering your eyes trailed up your back, travelling across your body over the coat that you had pulled on in preparation for your imminent departure from the Razor Crest. 

The movement of your lips together was electrifying. It confirmed that the connection you were certain had been building between the two of you was real. It felt so natural, as though you had always been destined to be pulled into each other’s orbits in this way. You felt chills traverse your skin as your brain perceived the scent of his glove, given its proximity to your nose. At once, you could smell the story of his perilous brush with death. There was the distinctive smoky scent of explosions, the sharp metallic smell from his ever-steady grip on his blaster, the earthy undertones – no doubt thanks to days of traipsing through undergrowth, – the musky smell that was unmistakably masculine, unmistakably him and finally, the faint hints of leather. As you registered each scent, you were reminded, once again, of the lethality this man was capable of. A man who was currently kissing you with such fondness and affection.

When your lungs started to burn – from the exhilaration or oxygen deprivation, you weren’t sure – Mando finally pulled away, leaving you breathless and dizzy from the events which had just transpired between the two of you. You smiled and bit your lip in glee, as the realisation of the monumental shift in your relationship that had just occurred hit you. You hoped it had not been a one-off, a fleeting moment of carelessness on his part that he would come to regret.

“You couldn’t kill me anyway,” Mando whispered, his breath hot against the shell of your ear. You were stunned. Clearly, that was not the case. This had been a deliberate, measured action on his part.

Then, the tell-tale hissing sound indicated that Mando had replaced his helmet. You couldn’t help the fact that your heart dropped a little at the sound. After all, despite how much you respected his devotion to The Way, there was always a simmering curiosity about his appearance. Especially having just kissed him. You could still feel the slight scratchiness that lingered on your skin from the bristles of his facial hair, a ghost of the kiss you had just shared; a reminder that it had happened.

Mando removed his hand from your eyes and you mourned the loss of contact, having relished the way that his hand had engulfed your face with its enormous size as it drowned your features. He always seemed to be everywhere, a looming presence over you.

“Mando, I –” you began, but he raised the same gloved hand that had just rested against your forehead, cutting you off once again.

“My name is Din,” he said quietly before he lowered his hand again.

“Oh,” you breathed, stunned that he had entrusted you with such a precious piece of information.

Although, given the fact that he had just kissed you, perhaps it was a logical step. Nevertheless, you appreciated the fact that you finally had a name to put to the deep voice you adored. Din, not Mando, was the man who had just stolen all rational thought from your mind with the gentle touch of his lips.

You smiled then, the first genuine smile that had graced your features since Din had left the Razor Crest ten days previously. Only a few minutes ago, you had feared that he would never return. Now, just when you had been certain your life with him was over, it appeared that it was just beginning.

As the sun rose over the Razor Crest, still surrounded by the trees of the forest planet you had been certain would be the location of an ending, it was clear that a new dawn was here for you and Din. A beginning was upon you, the start of something beautiful.

It was the first kiss you had shared with Din. But you were certain that it would not be your last.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

ANGST WARNING: How would Ace!Tav react to Astarion dying and being unable to revive him? Or vice versa -- how would Astarion react?

A/N: There is actually a lot to this, so here is a headcanon in three parts. Apologies for the length.

Warnings: Gore, Blood, Passively Suicidal Thoughts, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst

Astarion x Ace!Tav Masterlist

How Ace!Tav Would React to Astarion Dying and Unable to be Revived

In order for this to happen, it would be sudden and unexpected

There would be no preparing for his death

They always thought Astarion would outlive them, he's an immortal vampire, but, more importantly, he's a survivor, always has been

I'm thinking he'd have to be burned up in the sun or something else like it; revivify and raise dead both require a body and the sun would turn him into ash

Maybe he gets caught by surprise, maybe Tav can’t get to him in time or maybe he pushed them out of the way of a blast; the result is the same

No final words, no last touches, there’s nothing left, not even a body

Tav wouldn’t be able to move, the rest of the world going fuzzy at the edges and silent

It would take another party to get them to move, literally dragging them away from the scene like dead weight

It’s takes them several moments to come to their senses, to fight back because he can’t just be gone

There has to be something left, something they could use to bring him back

If it’s an ally with them then they’d hold them back telling them they need to get somewhere safe

They would be in full denial, trying desperately to think of something, anything, this can’t be how it ends

But there’s nothing, not a single thing they can do

Once that realization dawns, they just go numb

They spent so much of their life just surviving; they don’t want to go back to that, not when they finally had a taste of what it was to live

They’re just so tired, maybe it would be easier to just…sleep

Even the thought of revenge is too daunting, what would be the point? Astarion would still be gone. Can’t they just rest?

It would take their friends to pull them out of it

I imagine Lae’zel and Shadowheart specifically would lay into them about just giving up. What would Astarion say if he saw them like this?

Tag can well imagine, they can all but hear his voice in their ear

“And you call me dramatic,” he tells them. “Flattering as it is to know you miss me, there's still work to be done. Now get up.”

They want to ignore the words, but they have their own survival instincts to contend with

It’s a slow process

The first several months it’s an ordeal just to eat, but they do

Gale, Shadowheart, Wyll, Karlach, Lae’zel, they all take turns checking in, making sure they’re okay

Gale maybe even has them come to stay in Waterdeep just to keep a better eye on them and keep them away from the memories associated with Baldur’s Gate

It’s a kind gesture and one that slowly starts to pay off

They're able to watch a sunrise again without the urge to weep

They sometimes come in to talk during Gale's lectures, recounting some of their exploits with a smile

They never fully recover, their music isn’t quite as lively, there seems to be a spark missing behind their eyes, but they find a way to survive

They have their friends and find solace in knowing they’re not alone

Eventually they go on the road again, taking in every sight and sound, imaging Astarion seeing it with them

They never fall in love again, they knew that they never would and don’t try to force it

Still, they live; it’s brutal work, but they can’t stop now

How Astarion Would React to Ace!Tav Dying and Unable to be Revived (Dying of Old Age Edition)

Couple different options with this one

I picture Ace!Tav as human, so Astarion outliving them was part of the deal when they got together

All the same Ace!Tav dying of old age vs. dying suddenly and horribly, are going to spark two very different reactions

If they die of old age, Astarion has a much longer time to prepare

There's no hiding getting old, even if Astarion makes jokes about them being with a man four or three times their age

Tav is there to help him through it, even as they're lying on their death bed with him beside them the entire time

They don't want him to try and bring them back; they told him as much

They want him to keep going, to keep living, to find love again after they're gone

Astarion doesn't want to hear it, he doesn't want to think about them being gone even when they both know it's coming

One human life time wasn't nearly enough, he wants more, he always wants more

But the end does come and when Tav finally slips away, all he can do is weep

He wouldn't be alone though, he has friends, strange as it might have once been to admit

Gale, Wyll, Karlach, Shadowheart, and Lae'zel would all find their own way to help him as they too grieve the loss of their friend

He's not the easiest to deal with, he lashes out, he argues, he pushes, he finds himself crying at unexpected moments and mortified at himself for doing so

He wishes he could talk to Tav about all these emotions drowning him and ends up curled up on the floor all over again

But somebody is there to help him back up again

He can’t stay in their home anymore, too many memories bombard him every waking moment

Gale offers for him to come to Waterdeep for a time, but Astarion refuses

He needs to get out, go somewhere far away, someplace he’s never been before

So, one day, he packs a bag and just starts walking

The only thing of Tav’s he takes is a that damned violin, they did try so very hard to teach him how to play, but he always was a better audience

Still he can’t bring himself to leave it behind

He doesn’t know where he’s going or what he’s even doing, but he keeps going anyway

One of the nights, months into his travels, a bard plays at the inn where he's staying

He recognizes the melody, one of Tav's compositions

He had finally convinced Tav to write down some of their music, and even publish a few; this one isn't one of them

The bard plays it differently, emphasizing different words and finding a new meaning while still keeping the integrity of the song

He can all but hear Tav’s contemplative approval as they grin in that “I told you so” sort of way

The best ones live in memory after all

The bard is good, reminding him of Tav in so many different ways

He's not sure what exactly possess him to do it, but he offers them the violin, telling them that it's been a long time since he saw somebody play it properly, maybe they'd like a go

Gods do they play it,

Light and music flow from the instrument, evoking the same vivid display Tav had show him all those years ago

Astarion then leaves without a word, leaving the violin behind for the bard to take

He finally understands what Tav tried to explain to him, how much of themselves they put into their music and how even as the interpretations may change it’s still them

So, he keeps going, keeping their memory alive in what ways he can, mostly as an anonymous patron to promising young bards; he’s always been a better audience anyway

Years later he even meets that first bard, the one he gifted the violin; they turned to be a great performer and was thankful to finally track down the man who put them on that path

They form a true friendship, one that lasts years and allows Astarion to know he can form new relationships

Slowly, Tav's death doesn’t hurt the way it used to

They’ll never fully leave his heart; they were his first in so many ways

It would take him years, possibly even centuries to finally fulfill that final promise to love again, but he does

He’s a survivor by nature, but Gods does it feel good to live

How Astarion Would React to Ace!Tav Dying and Unable to be Revived (Dying Suddenly and Horribly Edition)

This can only end in blood

They're in a middle of a battle, something bigger and worse than they anticipated

Both are skilled in their own way, but they each know their strength lies in stealth and surprise, neither of which they have facing this threat

Astarion was sure they were safe, he was watching their back and vice versa as they had for years

He doesn't see exactly what happens, all he knows is one moment his love was standing in front of him and the next, they're pulp on the floor

Air leaves his lungs, the rest of the world fades as all that exist is their blood in his nose and their desecrated body and then everything goes red

He uses everything at his disposal, knives, nails, teeth; more blood fills the air, his body is covered in it to the point he can't even grip his daggers and just uses his teeth

He doesn't stop until the only thing breathing in the room is him

He then goes to Tav's body, and wraps what's left of it in any cloth he can find; he's not leaving them here, there has to be a way to fix it, to bring them back

He finds a place he can keep them, using what magic he can to preserve the remains of their body until he can find a better solution

He reaches out to any contact he has begging for help, surely their friends would come to their aid

What he gets is all but useless, no answers, no solutions, nothing but empty apologies and condolences

They even have the audacity to them him to let Tav go

They don't understand, they never could

After everything he'd been through, Tav was the first real happiness he found; 200 years of torture and just six months with them was enough to counterweight all that misery

He'd had years since then, and now they were just gone

How could anyone expect him to let that go, not when he had expected a life time with them

Their time together was already limited, he would not be cheated into giving up more; the world didn't get to do that to him

He curses his so called friends, burying himself in necromancy and tomes trying to find a solution

There may still be a way, a much darker way, one that would require sacrifice, but it would be worth it whatever the price

He knew that about himself the moment he started to fall for Tav, there was no telling what things he'd be willing to do, all for them

There is a part of him that hesitates, a little voice inside his head telling him to stop, that he can be better

It's the same voice that told him not to ascend, one he curses just as deeply as the rest of them

If he had ascended none of this would have happened; he would have been able to keep Tav safe, he could have made it so not even time could touch them

He had hesitated then, but he won't now

He'll find a way to bring them back and make sure they never leave him again

[megane-ga-niau]

Distance

Yandere!Lyney x Reader

677 words

CW: Obsession, stalking, some thought spiraling, mugging (not by Lyney), kidnapping (by Lyney), mild paranoia(?)

A/N: This fic has me feeling like an "I can fix him" girlie. He just needs a little love and attention, he'll be fine~

Lyney had always kept his distance from you. Being part of the House of the Hearth had given him plenty of enemies, both inside and outside of the Fatui. But he couldn't help but look for you wherever he went, eyes trailing after you in a crowd or staring at you when you passed by one of his performances.

That was all he did, watch you from the sidelines, just relishing in the moments where your paths crossed.

Still, the distance gnawed at him, made him uncomfortable in his skin. He liked you so much, wanted to be beside you, but he couldn't. Wouldn't?

If only he could be next to you, stand beside you. He would give you everything! The entire world at your feet with just the swish of his hand.

Wouldn't you look at him? Just glance his direction, see how he was dying inside.

Even if he couldn't come up to you, wouldn't you acknowledge the weight of his feelings? His emotions that built up like carbonation, growing every second, every moment he had to hold himself back from being at your side.

He kept back though.

If your paths started crossing more frequently, that was just a coincidence. Him knowing your favorite locations was incidental, a result of having more shows around there recently.

After all, if he was watching you from the sidelines, he needed to be on the sidelines. And the sidelines were centered around the game.

You never saw him. He wouldn't be a very good operative if an untrained civilian could catch him watching them. Still, you wondered about the occasional chill up your spine.

He couldn't help but feel that your shivers, the way you looked around and searched for his invisible presence, was an acknowledgement. Perhaps you only felt fear towards him, but you felt. He meant something to you, even if that something was the reason you held your keys tighter in your hand and avoided dark alleys.

Maybe, if you were cautious enough, if you learned how to defend yourself, he could come out of the shadows and finally tell you how he felt, could join you, his light.

The thought was idyllic and, perhaps, impossible.

It wasn't long before you were attacked. To anyone else, it was a common mugging, but Lyney was sure, he knew it was someone who was out to harm him through you.

It wasn't a large group. Perhaps three men, no match for him. And yet outrage filled him. He couldn’t decide which was more insulting, that someone dared harm his beloved or that these were all they had sent. He would never let you be injured, but could they not see your value? Did they not think him strong enough to even deal with these?

It was nearly instantaneous, the way they were suddenly on the ground, begging for their lives. Would have been if he were allowed to killed them like he wanted, but how could he defile your presence like that? No, it was enough that they run away in terror, bruised and bloody.

He used to fear the way Father looked when she came to rescue him and his siblings, but now, now he understood! The wrath that filled him as he took in the terror in your eyes, the way you trembled so anxiously. Maybe he shouldn’t have let them leave at all.

You were so fragile. So vulnerable. He needed to keep you safe.

Keeping his distance hadn’t worked. He’d tried that.

So then… the only way to keep you safe… was to be with you at all times!

Lyney could barely hold back his excitement as the realization dawned on him. The solution had been right in front of him all along! He just needed to take you back home with him!

Whatever protests you may have had were nothing to the giddy feeling he had as he scooped you up and whisked you away.

Maybe you’d be upset now, but eventually you’ll see. This was all for your own good.

I like to imagine that he brings you home and Lynette scolds him like "No, bad dog! Drop it... Drop!"

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE BAKUSQUAD HEADCANONS

You were a really determined person. You always put your best whenever you did something, and didn't worry about the result and that was something the Bakusquad admired about you, however, you were incredibly naive and trusting of everyone around you 

You had met the Bakusquad on your first day. As usual, Bakugou was yelling at you about something, and suddenly, you snapped and asked him to shut up. Everyone around you gasped and soon, the Bakusquad looked at you with immense respect. Ofc, Bakugou wasn't too happy about that but eventually he let you join the Bakusquad since he was actually impressed with your quirk and courage to stand up against him which most people can't do without breaking at least 5 bones 

You loved hanging out with the Bakusquad and they loved hanging out with you. They didn't do anything that made you feel uncomfortable 

Whenever someone tries to bully you, they immediately stick up for you with intense threatening looks in their eyes like they're about to murder them. Pretty soon, their overprotectiveness for you had turned into a CRAZY OBSESSION and they realized that they all liked you 

However, they didn't like how innocent and trusting you were. What if someone takes advantage of that? What if someone hurts you? What if they do something bad to you? They talked about it when you were absent from school one day 

''Man... Y/N is really cool and I think we're all in love with her but....'' said Sero but stopped in the middle. ''But what?" asked Mina. ''She's so trusting of everyone around her and not to mention really innocent'' he said. ''Yeah, well someone has to show that little nerd that not everyone can be trusted'' growled Bakugou. ''That's right.... after all, we ARE becoming pro heroes and what sort of heroes will we BE if we can't save our friend?" asked Kirishima. ''Kiribro's right. We NEED to take action for Y/N's own good and keep her safe'' and everyone agreed

Soon, they even started getting clingier and possessive of you than usual and finally, you started trying to avoid them, but that was a HUGE mistake

''Y/N WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!!??" screeched Bakugou as he tried running towards you but you just waved back at him and shouted, ''Sorry... I need to go'' and ran off in the other direction. When it soon dawned upon them that you were avoiding them, they were hurt at first, but came to the conclusion that you were just shy and scared and confused. But don't worry, they're going to take care of everything for you 

You were tied to the headboard of a bed with a few ropes and you had a quirk cancelling cuff around your ankle after you blacked out due to them bonking you over the head. You then saw your old friends, the Bakusquad come in and you said, ''Guys... this isn't funny, let me go'' you snarled. ''Why would we do that when we worked so had to take you away and try to keep you safe?'' asked Denki. "Guys, if this is about the time I declined your offer about going to the arcade, I said I was sorry since I had somewhere else to be'' you said

''It's all right.... From now on, you're going to be ONLY with us since we all love and care for you'' smiled Kirishima as you yelled, ''YOU GUYS ARE PSYCHOPATHS!!" Bakugou just laughed and tried stroking your cheek but you attempted to bite his finger off. ''Ohh...she's feisty'' squealed Mina. "None of this would happened if you were so naive all the time...dumbass"

''We'll undo the ropes for you when you can prove you can be trusted. It's just that we don't want to see our darling in any form of danger now do we, Mi amor~" said Sero

You wished your life would go back to normal and you regretted being friends with these people who claimed all they wanted to do was keep you safe. They DID treat you well, and they never raised their hand at you. Of course, they had to stop Bakugou from literally MURDERING you when you act up while Kirishima and Denki and Sero calm him TF down and Mina tries comforting you. They actually treat you like royalty once you develop Stockholm Syndrome and cuddle sessions with them are a MUST! Maybe it won't be so bad 

[kyokutsu-sama]

William x Reader

A/n: This is the second part of the previous request, it is a scenario that I wrote. This one was requested by@cros-s

I hope you like it because I really enjoyed writing this one☺️

William is the perfect husband material 🤭

_____________________________

It's been a few weeks since the last Golden Dawn mission where they had to fight some of their enemies and where that one scene stuck in Captain Vangeance's mind. He hasn't stopped working to discover the whereabouts of that person, the only person who saw him without a mask and who respected him even if he was an enemy. He has been sending people to look for some clue or something else that would lead to you. He even wondered a few times if you still remembered him.

"Captain, I found the person you were looking for"Yuno said, entering the room to deliver to the captain the results of a long investigation

"Where?"William rose from his chair, eager for the discovery

"They were spotted in a hiding place somewhere in a forest near a village outside the kingdom" Yuno handed the report to the captain and he observed it carefully

"Thank you very much, really. You did an excellent job, Yuno" William looked at the knight and smiled

"Thanks"

"Well, I'll go there to take a look. See you soon"William left the office

The captain descended the slope while avoiding some branches that appeared in the path, looking ahead. He saw a river and approached the edge, he stood there for a moment looking around him and when he least expected it, an arrow passed by him and pierced the tree trunk from the other side of the river.

William turned to the side and saw who he was looking for most, you. He smiled and you lowered the bow, smiling back at him.

"Are you looking for me?" You asked

"Yes, but it seems like you found me first" He walked towards you

"I knew you would come, do you want to talk to me, is that it?"

"Yes, you're right. I think now we can be more comfortable than we were that night" William came close to you and you looked at him. "How have you been, Y/n?"

"Did they tell you my name?" You looked at him a little surprised

"I found out when I searched your data"

"I see...I separated myself from others, I decided I didn't want that life and I isolated myself here"

"I'm happy about that, you've changed for the good"

"Yeah... What about you? Why don't you take off your mask?"

"Do...Do you want me to take it off?"He asked a little nervously

"It's just you and me here and I missed your face" You said and he smiled

"Fine, I'll take it off" His slightly shaking hands grabbed the mask and removed it from his face, revealing the large scar

You looked at it, seeing the slight shyness in his eyes and smiled at him as if you wanted to convey some confidence.

"Does it bother you that much?"

"A little, I always keep the mask inside my hq so that no one sees it. People get scared when they see it. I was mistreated in the past for being born like this" His eyes lowered a little and you could read the sadness in the eyes. You couldn't imagine how cruel people would be to mistreat an innocent child just because of something they weren't responsible for.

You crouched down by the river and moistened your hands in the water and stood up again with his eyes following you, confused by the action. You approached and wiped the sweat from his forehead due to the heat of the mask, your fingers gently passed over the scarred skin and massaged it.

William was very quiet while you did it, enjoying every gentle movement of your hands passing all over his face. He felt a slight warmth in his cheeks with all that care and tenderness, something he had never had before and that was coming from someone he hadn't even imagined.

You ran your hands along his face, removing a few drops that ran down his turtleneck and finally smiled at him.

"There was just some sweat on your forehead but you're clean now" You said

"Thank you, that was very kind of you" He looked up and smiled at you

"Come on, let's go for a walk" You held out your hand and he took it to followed you

You took William for a long walk while the two of you talked about things about your lives. He was enjoying every minute he was with you, that feeling inside him only grew more and more. The captain was getting lost in the brightness of your eyes that focused on him as he talked.

You took him to a high place where you could both see the sunset and sat on a rock while you watched it set.

"Did you like our afternoon?" You asked him

"I loved it, it was very special. You really surprised me a lot, you turned out to be an incredible person" He said and you looked down a little embarrassed

"Thank you. You know, my other comrades didn't pay me compliments either and seeing that someone cares about me is something that makes me very happy. Your knights must really like you, right?"

"Yes, they do"

"You deserve this love, you deserve to be loved" You held his hands and he was a little touched. It was as if his inner child was healing from those soul wounds.

"I don't even know what to say"He whispered, looking away

"Don't say anything, you don't need to say anything else, William. Your eyes say it all" You smiled

A silent moment followed between you and the captain. Seeing that the sky was getting dark, you stood up and walked away from the place and he looked at you.

"Where are you going?"

"It's getting dark, I need to go back to my hiding place. It's dangerous to stay in the woods at night"

"Wait..."William stood up and you turned to him."You don't need to go back"

"What ?"

"I said... You don't need to go back and hide anymore"

"Why?" You frowned, confused

"Come with me, I'll take you to the Golden Dawn"

"Are you crazy? They would kill me because I was one of the faces of the enemy" You laughed but he insisted again

"I protect you, you will be part of my group of knights and you won't need to worry about anything else"William proposed and you considered

Deep down, he was offering you an opportunity to change your life and there was no way to deny it. You looked at him and felt so grateful that your paths had crossed and you had met him. He no longer saw you as an enemy but as someone special to him that he needed and you saw him as someone unique and kind that you admired immensely.

You walked towards him and you looked at him for a moment as you organized your words.

"Alright, I accept going with you but promise me you will stay by my side"

"I promise, I will be your captain and your best friend at all times"He assured you, smiling at you

"Let's go then, I want to know that place"You winked at him

"You will be very welcome"

[celestialhole]

Simon Riley x GN!reader headcanons

Warnings: Contains NSFW content below the cut, read at your own risk! Sorta proofread, random as fuck but here's your din din. Thinking about Simon Riley who uses his kids as weights for him to lift while working out. Just for fun. He likes hearing his kids laugh and giggle. Simon Riley who gets hella annoyed when your family/extended family buys so much crap for the kids. "The bloody hell they need this for? Don't we already have the damn pool outside!?" Simon looked down at the huge box in their living room, it was a goddamn bouncy house for the little ones. "I dunno Si. We can put it in the frontyar-" "WE ALREADY HAVE THE BALL PIT OUTSIDE!"

Never really celebrated his birthday before meeting you. You started giving him presents, taking him out, and taking him back to hotels (or your home) to ride him til' dawn. Now that you have little ones you all plan a small birthday party for him since he's old and grumpy. You give him one of his favorite desserts, have all the kids pile on him, and show him some love it resulted in him counting to 5 before chasing them all down while you record all of it.

Will fantasize about what life could've been like if his family were still here with him, what it could've been like if they had lived long enough to meet you. He's sure his Mother and Nephew would've loved you, and his brother would tease him n' say something like, "Now you know how it feels, it ain't as bad as you thought huh?" He wished to God he'd get to experience that in another lifetime. In my world, he doesn't celebrate Christmas and we know damn well why. If he's been with you for a long time he'll find a way to make something for you to make it special or he'll buy you something you mentioned wanting a few weeks or months back. But don't expect him to place a big ass tree in his apartment. If you manage to convince him to buy a tree he'll buy it and maybe a few ornaments he likes but the rest you're buying. Riley totally tore that bitch up and trust me, he tried to stop her but it was too early in the morning for that and he didn't want the tree anyways so he just sighs, puts some tea on the kettle grabs his reading glasses and his favorite book, and just relaxes on the couch as his military dog is tearing up your 350$ Christmas tree. "Jesus fucking Christ what happened in here!?" You stumbled over an ornament as you walked into the living room. Simon was chilling peacefully on the couch as Riley held a broken branch in her mouth and they both looked as if there wasn't a shit tone of ornaments and small pieces of the tree everywhere. It looked like a cluster fuck in your living room. "Tree became a chew toy," Simon mumbled. "I can see that.. And you didn't stop her?!" You narrowed your eyes at him. "Tried to, then it fell and I gave up," Simon took a sip of his tea and turned a page of the book he was reading. "Oh for fucks sake Simon.." You rubbed your eyes and leaned against the wall. He glanced up at you from the couch with an amused smile and looked back down at his book. "...This is what happens when we don't listen to Simon says-" "I'm kicking you and Riley out." You cut him off.

I see this man with an uncut shave because he's too lazy for that shit, however, if he notices he has a whole ass fucking jungle down there he'll trim it and then leave it alone for another 5 months. A solid 7 inches when soft and hard. Girth? Lots of it. Saggy balls. The type of man who doesn't notice when you get something done (hair, nails, etc). When you ask him if he notices anything different he'll immediately look at your ass to see if those squats did you any good. Speaking of your ass he loves your ass. Flat or thick he's smacking it when he casually walks past you. If you're plus-sized or just thicc it's even better. Don't ever bend over with this man in your perimeter. And it's even worse when you're in front of him and walking up the stairs cause he's staring hard at it. When you bend over he's smacking it, groping it, caressing it, and if he's really bold he's sneaking a quick hump against it. It's all shits and giggles till he's in that position. And you never hold back either. Now he doesn't trust walking up the stairs in front of you because you won't stop poking his ass and he hates it he loves you anyways. Call him daddy and he's not gonna speak or look at you for the rest of the day. You've made him spiritually nauseous good job. HE'S A BODY MAN BUT IN MY WORLD HE'S A THIGH AND TUMMY MAN! Also, I can see him being obsessed with ya nipple piercings if you ever got them. But nipple piercings are one thing, a genital piercing IS ANOTHER THING. Mutual masturbation is a must on the weekend mornings. He'll wake you up with pepper kisses to your neck while his hand is rubbing your tummy, when you wake up he'll gradually run his hands over your chest and pinch your nipple before moving his hand down to caress your arousal. He sucks the skin on your shoulder and neck to pleasure you and when you turn over to stroke his already hardened cock, he groans and moves his hips to slowly thrust his cock along your hand while his fingers slowly speed up. Now imagine his groans + his morning voice. This man loves you with every fiber of his being and tries his very best to make sure you know he loves you no matter what, so don't even think about asking him if he'll still love you as a worm. He'll keep you safely tucked in the pocket of his shirt and feed you noodles. He doesn't give two shits if you're hairy, plus-sized, or "unattractive". He'll cross the Amazon or even Antarctica to eat your ass I'm just saying. Don't protest or even speak, just bend over and let him have fun with his beautiful partner.

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

Moar Buddy Dawn Shit in relation to this post

Buddy was dead for about 10 to 15-maybe-20 minutes. Kristen and Gorgug at the top of Freshman Year were only dead about 3 to 5 minutes and they still got some form of time in the afterlife, (side note: Gorgug not knowing what Orc Heaven looks like and being Deeply Fucking Terrified and shellshocked by the entire experience is So Juicy To Me, like. Something that should by all rights be familiar to him being foreign. Of deep spiritual significance, but not in the way it was 'supposed to be'; he didn't even know how it was 'supposed to be' at the time or after he learned it, he's still not really sure if it was ever a 'supposed to'.) so I'm quite sure Buddy experienced Something beyond the grave and chose to leave it for this nameless aspect of Ankarna. The version of her which exists as a result of her complete death and incomplete resurrection/preservation.

In that 10 to 15 minutes, Buddy passed into the place he was going. Perhaps some cornfield out on the edge of Helio's domain where Helio figured 'I'll get to him or he'll find me sometime, there's literally infinite time here'. Perhaps as a petitioner on the Astral Sea- wait, no, I'm thinking about Rolling With Difficulty cosmology, the Astral Realm is not a sea in Fantasy High. (also go listen to Rolling With Difficulty) Regardless of if he went to the afterlife the adults all told him he'd go to if he'd been a good boy or to some more limbo-like place, he had just enough minutes for the reality to sink in that he's Dead. He's dead and the feeling of a hand gripping his shoulder as if to hoist his assailant high enough to slit his throat presses like a cold weight on his skin. As if this body has skin, no, he's just a solid soul given form in this place.

So jarring. Resting dead in some corner of the cosmos like finding the one empty room at a big loud party where you've mostly been taking things in, sticking close to people you know, not doing anything you're not supposed to. Sitting down on the unfamiliar furniture or swaying idly in place as you listen to the murmur of this foreign world around you. Only it's not like that, not truly at all. You're not at the party anymore, the echoes of your life aren't some thing you're taking a break from to rejoin or building up the nerve to excuse yourself from to get a proper change of scene. There is no going back or moving forward.

He's dead. Buddy Dawn is dead.

How many minutes did it take him to lose composure? Did he even? When the ultimatum was posed to him, did he harden his heart to any regrets about abandoning his original faith, or did he relax into knowing he could live again, in service of something that reached for him and he reached back towards?

Why was he so chipper saying 'Dang, y'all, I worship a nameless god of rage.'? He didn't sound horrified by his decision in much the same way he didn't sound in touch with reality when he said 'Sometimes I raise my hand and magic that burns folks to a crisp comes out, but that's just the lord Helio working through me.' His death didn't change him so much as it fixed his gaze onto something new.

He is still a Cleric. Through and through. His soul needs a divinity to latch onto. And this is the first time he has latched onto a divinity wholly and completely for himself. He was not taught how to live for himself. He was taught how to live and die for a cause. For Helio. He earns a nice afterlife via sacrificing his autonomy to whatever the church tells him is good and right.

But he doesn't want a nice afterlife.

He wants another life.

And he no longer has faith that Helio will deliver him from any hardship, because even after he's just barely grasped how dead he is and has been for the past 11 minutes, his soul is wrent into an ultimatum by a different power. Go back to his body and continue living under a new banner, or be trapped in a dark, solitary purgatory which his soul may never be free from.

It's an easy decision, really. Barely requires any thought, only following a feeling. He no longer wants to stand by the god who allowed him to die so unceremoniously and so unfairly. He honestly feels more betrayed by Helio than he does by Kipperlily. Kipperlily hardly made any promises to him, just asked for him to be the party's cleric. He never expected her to do that, sure, but... His whole life he was promised that every bad emotion he ever felt in response to every wrongness in his life would (should, must, has to) simply evaporate away in the golden light of the corn god. And it's been an eternal 12 minutes, but he only feels worse and worse.

And if all Helio could promise him was a flat expanse of farmland overseen by someone who didn't even properly greet him when he walked in (if the celestial bureaucracy were even doing their jobs and funneled the soul of Helio's cleric to Helio instead of some cosmic waiting room or other), but this nameless deity can promise him a life for himself? Then by god he's taking that ultimatum, come back to life, sit up with a slightly surprised little smile and announce to the world (as he has been taught is right to do when you are devoted to a god) 'I worship a nameless god of rage!'

And he'll be happy with this choice-that-is-not-a-choice which he was betrayed and coerced into. Because it truly feels self indulgent to choose anything. To choose ragefully living for himself instead of obediently dying for an unfulfilling promise. He'll choose the intensity and the darkness because the gentle constant pressure cooker of walking in the light gave him nothing but sunburns and a slit throat.

[yourejinx]

Undeniable Bonds.

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Genre: angst.

Warnings: mostly language.

Words: 3k or so.

Summary: Y/N and Azriel can't stand each other, despite the centuries working together they just don't seem to understand one another. Too many secrets are being kept. But that bond between them keeps pushing, demanding, making it impossible to ignore.

Author note: the summary sucks, I should work on it later.

Chapter One?

I could hardly see anything past the blinding white rage in my vision as I stalked through the streets of Velaris on my way back to the House of Wind. How dare he?!

“Is it business or pleasure?” Azriel purred maliciously, a dark smirk tugging at his lips. 

Rhys’s face went pale with stupor but he snapped out of it fast enough to stop me from snatching the Shadow singer’s eyeballs with my bare hands. 

He should have let me land that blow. Violet eyes turned soft on my face even as he commanded in all his Mighty High Lord voice for Azriel to get the fuck out. 

Fucking miserable Illyrian bastard. Breathing deeply through my nose I measured the distance between myself and the steps of the stairs up to the House, and then started sprinting for it. Maybe the aching of my lungs would numb the rising anger that occupied my thoughts.  

The sun was shining brightly in the sky by the time I reached the training zone. Cassian was already at it with a punching bag, hair loose, shirt already discarded and sweat dripping from his forehead. He kept shoving strands of hair that fell into his eyes out of the way in between punches, an exasperated huff leaving his parted lips. A prominent vein popped into his neck as a result of the effort and strength with which he was landing hit after hit, wings tucked in tight, he looked stressed. Tough night for the both of us then. 

 I approached him as silently as a wraith, not wanting to disturb his session and starting my stretchings. 

“You’re late.” He greeted me. He’d probably been up since before  dawn. 

“You can thank your brother for that.” I replied shifting my weight from one leg to the other. He stopped punching and grinned at me, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Which one?”

I rolled my eyes. “Which one do you think?”. 

“Az is giving you a hard time again, huh?”

“Isn’t he always? You know it was supposed to be a quick meeting, we had to report to Rhys about last week, take the new mission and leave. But of course Azriel had to be a huge pain in the ass again by pleading to leave me behind because I “complicate things”, which only means I do put to use my critical thinking and not just blindly follow his every command.”

Cass chuckled at my evident irritation with the Shadowsinger. “You know, Az can be entitled sometimes but he knows what he’s doing…listening to him from time to time can’t be that bad now, can it?”

“I know Cass, he’s Spy Master for a reason, I know he’s a great spy, but so am I. And he doesn’t seem to want to see it. I too have some good ideas, I’ve saved both our asses several times now, but he just won't acknowledge it. It is his way or the hard way every single time, I’m just tired of trying to prove myself to him.” 

The rich brown surrounding Cassian’s irises looks like molten chocolate in the late morning as his gaze softens on me. I hate to look vulnerable but I guess if it’s going to be in front of anyone, who better than Cass? This huge scary looking warrior that was actually just a big loving teddy bear. Cassian was my best friend, the one who knows my secrets and fears and desires and has never judged me or pitied me for it. Not once. 

"You don't need to prove anything. You've done more than enough time and time again, if he doesn't see it then he's a giant fool." 

“Thank gods I’ve got you, who would burst my ego like that if not you, huh?.”

He flashed one of his radiant smiles at me and I motioned for him to come closer. Once he stood in front of me I made him turn and sit at my feet, quickly grabbing hold of his locks and braiding his hair back. 

Cassian was one of the first ones to warm up to me and make me feel welcome besides Rhys. It was easy with him, always ready to make me laugh and help ease my process of adjusting to life in Velaris. He quickly became my best friend.

When I first got here I was stuck in the mountains for six whole years with Amren before I could even interact with the rest of the Inner Circle. A safety measure for all, of course, I was unstable in many ways after escaping that hideous place they call the Court of Nightmares. I needed space to heal, and to learn how to control my powers. Rhys came and went very often, he took the time to actually teach me how to put a leash on my power –being quite similar to his– and to bend it to my will, but it wasn’t until years later that I officially met everyone. It was awkward at first, I didn’t know much about socializing given that my only interactions were with the stoic Amren and even before that I’ve only ever met the cruelness of my family; but Mor was excited to see me again when Rhys brought me to Velaris and Cassian greeted me with a big fat grin and open arms. Azriel on the other hand…the spymaster had intrigued me since the very first moment we’d met, lurking in a corner, his shadows hovering over his shoulders and curling up to his head, hiding the lines of his beautiful face. Mesmerizing. He seemed intrigued as well at first, hazel eyes assessing me with intensity. I honestly don’t know when everything went downhill with him, but now we just can’t stand each other. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I said after a couple of heartbeats had passed in silence between us.

“About what?”

“Uh-uh, not playing dumb with me.”

“Is this what we do now? braid each other’s hair and talk about our problems?” He tried to dismiss the subject by playing funny.  

“Well, you’re always pestering me to talk about my problems, so I figured I should do the same” I grinned down at him. 

“There was a time when we fixed our issues in other ways,” he said suggestively, waving his eyebrows.  

“If you want to get absolutely hammered at Rita’s I may be down to it, but not tonight. If I show up completely pissed tomorrow Azriel’s gonna lose it, and honestly I don’t want to deal with his bullshit for even a minute longer than necessary.” I hissed the last words as a sharp twinge of pain shot through my head. 

Cassian’s eyes fixed on my face, worry staining his golden orbs as he stood towering over me. He cupped my chin so that I was looking up at him now, his gaze falling to the dark circles under my eyes. 

“The nightmares again,” he stated more than questioned. “They can’t reach you here, dove.” His tone was softer. 

“I know, Cass. It wasn’t the nightmares this time, I’ve been…having these dreams of places that I don’t recognize, people that I don’t know and there’s always so much suffering. I wake up feeling drained of energy and totally confused. I don’t know what it means.”

Weird, blurry images of last night’s dream came flooding into my mind. Darkness and smoke, the ashy taste of fire filled my senses and made me dizzy. All I could see were the outlines of white hair and twirling swoops of black ink very similar to the tattoos on Cassian’s chest. An ancient language that I didn’t understand. 

“Maybe you should stop reading so many of those weird books of yours,” he smirked, easing the crease of my eyebrows “Have you been eating well?”

I shook out of my trance and stepped back out of his hold, adopting a fighting stance in the middle of the ring. “Enough of me anyways. What 's up with you? you seem stressed, did something happen with Nesta?” I said throwing the first punch, he dodged it.  

“No. I got into a fight with Devlon yesterday, he’s been playing us for fools and the females have not been training at all.” 

“You went to the Illyrian camps? I thought you were gonna wait for me, you know I love to spook the shit out of that misogynistic pig.” I grinned at him. 

“I was but then you had that mission with Az and then the meetings and reports, I just didn’t want to burden you any further. Besides, you’re rarely around these days. You know, for two people who supposedly can��t stand each other you spent an awful amount of time together.” He smirked. 

“Yeah well, we work together, it’s not like we have a choice. Though Azriel really puts in the effort to try and get rid of me.” 

“What did Rhys say?”

“That I was going on the mission and that was final.” 

Cass chuckled and some of the tension was lifted from my shoulders, his mere presence was comforting enough for me to relax a bit. I have had a massive headache all morning, I was barely able to concentrate on what Rhys was saying above the urging desire to bang my head against the nearest wall. 

"I can tell when you're not telling me something, you know? It's not just the weird dreams is it?" 

I sighed tiredly and dropped my arms to the side, clearly we weren't going to any further in training lest I spilled it all out for him. 

"Azriel suggested that I was having an affair with someone from the Hewn City, and while he was at it he also kind of accused me of treason." 

The General 's jaw tensed. He knew the Hewn City and anything remotely involved to that nightmare of a place has always been a touchy subject for me, being born as I was — a female with the power of a High Lord — meant an open invitation for challenge and dominance. It had cost me almost everything at a very young age. The mere suggestion that I may hold a secret agenda with the snakes that prowl around the power of the crown made my ire burn like a thousand suns. It also made me nauseous, I sure wasn't as horrible as Azriel made me out to be.

"Someone clearly needs to knock some sense into him." He gave me a look that promised trouble, rolling his toned shoulders and spreading his huge wings wide. 

"Forget it Cass, you said it yourself, I don't need to prove anything. Besides, Rhys knows the truth so I'm clear." 

He didn’t say anything else and just followed me back to the ring. Good. I have had enough of Azriel anyways. 

—----------------------------------------------------------

“I have a lead!” I said bursting through Rhysand’s office at the River House, arms full of maps with annotations. Lucien hot on my heels. 

The High Lord turned in his seat to take a look at me, then at Lucien and back at me, one dark eyebrow arched high in question. Mere seconds later I felt a talon slide gently across my mental shield, asking for permission. I granted him access. 

“Does Lucien know what this is all about?” his voice sounded in my head. 

“Just that I’ve been hunting down a group of slavers. He offered some insight when he saw me looking for connections between Spring and Night Courts.” 

It wasn’t entirely a lie, we have been investigating the disappearance of fae females for the past year now, I had first noticed it one night when I was sneaking some of them out of the Hewn City to a Shelter in the outskirts of Velaris. Only Rhys and I knew about it. I just couldn’t leave those poor women to suffer as I had in that horrible place, but it was too risky, and as much as Rhys has been doing some political changes concerning the Night Court, it still was a very complex matter. So we investigated thoroughly about whom we would be bringing to our home. Just a few at a time, Rhys had said, we can’t risk bringing spying eyes here, and a large group of females vanishing into the night will certainly attract Kier’s attention back to us. 

A couple of months ago, the group I was supposed to escort out went missing. There wasn’t a whisper of them in the entirety of the Court of Nightmares, and the female servants were too afraid to speak. I just knew someone had been watching me, it had been a warning and a message. Stay out of our business. 

He nodded, then spoke out loud. “What did you find?” 

“Well I think they may be using the remnants of the Spring Court as some sort of Warehouse or… storage.” 

The thought alone of what those faeries may be enduring down there had my hands curling into fists, knuckles going white. “Since Tamlin’s left there aren't really many rules standing, his people have been barely subsisting; it is not that uncommon that in times of need people tend to turn against their own.” 

Lucien’s face was grim, probably remembering what had happened and his role in it. He blinked twice, then said, “they could be using the rivers and the caves to get in and out without being noticed” he offered; “just like I used to do to get out of Autumn. I marked the rivers that flow closest to the caves and the closest villages. People may know something, maybe they'll turn their eyes from it if it’s convenient for them.” 

Rhysand leaned forward, studying the maps and annotations closely. “Good work, Y/N, Lucien. This is a start. We need to investigate this further and put a stop to it before more fae are taken.”

I nodded, feeling a sense of determination settle within me. We couldn't let this go on any longer. No more innocent lives taken or families torn apart.

I knew I was taking some risks with this, but I also knew that we couldn't let fear stop us from doing what was right. I would do whatever it takes to end this.

“We need to find out everything we can about this operation and shut it down. I can gain some time and winnow there tonight, for some ground recognition.” 

Rhysand stood up from his desk, tired and with a look of wariness written on his face, “ I would wait until Azriel returns from his meeting, then you can go together.” 

“I can very well do this on my own, Rhys. I’m not stupid and I’m very capable of taking care of myself.” I argued back. 

He looked reluctant at first, but he loosened a breath and said “I know you can. Lay low, gather whatever information you can but do not engage until Azriel arrives, understood? I’ll be sending him tomorrow morning.” 

“Fine” I said, rolling my eyes. But he went on, in that brotherly voice that always got me following his commands. 

“And be careful, we don't know what kind of forces we're dealing with here.”

I nodded and gave him a small smile. As we left the office, I couldn't help but think about Azriel. He would be on this mission with me, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. But, for the sake of the mission and the fae that had been taken, we had to put our differences aside and work together.

“Thank you, Lucien” I said, fully facing the Autumn male, “I know you wouldn’t reveal information that could be used against your friend or his court. So thank you, for trusting me with this.” 

He seemed rather surprised for a second, eyes shining in the dim light,  but then a smirk cut on his lips. “I trust  you, little raven, I thought I’ve made that clear.” 

I smiled back at him. “Well yeah, but thank you anyways, I know you don’t get to hear those words around here very often.” I teared my gaze away from him into the open night beyond. I should leave soon. 

“I won’t keep you from your duties much longer” He said, shoving back a few strands of that auburn hair that had loosened from where he had pinned them to the side. “Stay safe Y/N, and if you thank me again you better start bowing next time” Lucien flashed a foxy grin as he started walking towards the house. 

I couldn’t help the chuckle from leaving my lips. “As you wish, good night Prince Charming.” 

I heard his breathy laugh even as I winnowed out of the city.  

—----------------------------------------------------------

The morning sun was rising over the horizon, casting a warm glow over the lush greenery of the Spring Court border. I was standing just outside the small inn I booked for the night, waiting for Azriel to arrive. I hadn’t found anything particularly shady last night, yet I couldn't help but feel uneasy about it. The whole village felt out of place. 

Azriel arrived on his shadow wings, landing gracefully in front of me. His black wings contrasted sharply with the bright blue sky, making him look even more intimidating than usual. "Let's go," he said curtly, motioning for me to follow him.

“Good morning to you too” I murmured under my breath; if he heard it or not he didn’t tell. 

We flew over the sprawling countryside, searching for any sign of the illegal trade. After hours of fruitless searching, we landed in a small village. The villagers looked tired and scared, their faces etched with worry lines. I made to approach one of the villagers and ask if they knew anything about people going missing these days.

The villager shook his head. "We don't know anything about it. Our High Lord abandoned us a few months ago, and we've been struggling to survive ever since. Some have left for other courts, it is not unusual to find this place so quiet."

That was a fact, I had spotted caravans moving across Prythian as I traveled through the courts. Entire families leaving their homeland behind in search of a better chance at survival. This place once full of life was really starting to look like an abandoned graveyard, drying lands and growing thorn bushes taking place. Where the hell had Tamlin gone?

Azriel's face darkened with anger. "This was a waste of time," he muttered. "We should never have come here."

A twinge of guilt crept up my spine. I knew it was a blind shot to try and find them here, but other than the utter state of abandonment of this court, I still had the feeling that something was off. There was this wrongness in the air. 

I dared another look in the direction of the villager but he was already gone. Weird. If Azriel wanted to leave then fine, I’ll investigate further on my own. 

Hours later as I walked through the village, I noticed a pair of eyes staring at me, following me around in the shadows. At first I thought Azriel had sent his shadows after me but…it didn’t feel like him. I neared the edge of a dense wood and turned to approach those watching cold eyes, my right hand flying to the hilt of the dagger strapped to my thigh. They seemed to narrow in silent mockery and as I stepped through the bushes I was met with nothing but a lingering darkness. What in hell had that been? 

I returned to the village, searching for Azriel, to tell him what I had seen. "There's definitely something going on here."

Azriel sighed, “I’ll tell you what’s going on here” he started coolly, “Their fucking coward of a High Lord bailed on his own people and now they’re trying to survive with the little they have left still standing, there are probably shadow markets functioning across the court for those who still remain and try to sell their goods for food. They don’t need two Night Court scouts snooping around their business so no one here is going to talk. That's what is happening here. No signs of your supposed “group of slavers”. People leave on their own accord to avoid starvation.”  

He stared down his nose at me “Are you done playing your stupid game here? I told you we should have headed for Autumn. Now let’s go, we need to report back to Rhysand; I’ll love to hear how you will explain to him that you wasted both our time and his resources on a hunch.” 

I didn’t want to show him that his words had sting, that it still affected me how little trust he had in me, in my capability, but my mouth went faster than my gathering thoughts:  

"Why do you have to be such an asshole to me all the time?", my temper quickly rising to the surface, undoubtedly twisting my face in anger, sliping past my usual mask of boredness. 

“Someone has to tell you the truth to your face at last.”

“What does that mean?” I said almost snarling at his cocky face. 

“It means you’re not as good as you think you are, and no one seems to want to acknowledge it. I think Rhys spoils you too much. He handles everything on a silver platter for you and you rejoice in the riches of it like you’ve earned it. You're not his fucking sister! No one can ever replace her, what you're doing it's just awful. And he's so damn blind to it.”

Every word felt like a dagger to my heart. I've rather had him skin me alive than to hear those words again. Of course I wasn't Rhys's sister, although I do love him like a brother, but I hadn't meant in any way to come off as a replacement for her. It just felt right, to be a part of a family for once that I hadn't thought twice about my relationship with Rhysand. Does he feel like he needs to cover my needs just because he couldn’t do it with her before? Because he feels guilty? Has he been giving tasks just to excuse the amount of money he pays me? 

I stumbled one step, two steps back away from him. From his space, so dense and thick with loathing it was suffocating. I leashed my anger, spiraling down into that pit of numbness I was so familiar with as I said, with a face as blank and unreadable as his own, “I’ll give him the full report. And don’t worry, I’ll pay him back every last copper that I know I owe to him if it means I’ll never have to see you again.” 

It was the venom laced in her voice that had Azriel backing off this time, a twinge of pain and guilt flashing in his eyes but she had already winnowed away. 

[kipperlillyclerickiller]

Exploring Unconventional Bad Kid/Ratgrinder Parallels

Obviously, when Brennan introduced the Ratgrinders in FHJY, some clear parallels in class composition popped up. Every member of the Bad Kids has a corresponding Ratgrinder who shares their general build/role in the party and (presumably) some of their psychological issues as well. But when I was rotating the characters in my mind, as one does, I realized that there were some other interesting character foils to be pointed out. I've listed them below under the read more, along with more detailed thoughts on what aspects of the characters are highlighted with each comparison.

Also I spent way too much time working on this, so I'm including a DNI banner on here (made by @kipperlillyforpresident, who also graciously let me bounce ideas off in the DMs)

Kipperlilly Copperkettle/Gorgug Thistlespring: the first parallel that i came up with. they both have issues around rage that are belied by their physical appearance, with klck being a tiny halfling who experiences an excessive amount of rage that doesn't "benefit" her adventuring-wise as she's a rogue, while on the hand, gorgug is a half-orc who started out as a barbarian in part because it is what he's physically predisposed to be, despite actually having an extremely gentle personality, only transitioning to artificer in his junior year. both have relatively normal middle-class backgrounds but still have issues; klck's anger issues regarding not having a tragic backstory are well-documented, but gorgug also has baggage that made him minimize his presence at the beginning of his high school career, stemming from growing up in a household where rage wasn't really considered at all bc it's an emotion so antithetical to the thistlesprings' way of existence (to be clear, i think the thistlesprings are great parents; it's just that they didn't really know how to address this aspect of gorgug's development)

Ruben Hopclap/Fabian Seacaster: black boys showing off the sensitive side of masculinity. last episode established that the ratgrinders are living in ruben's mansion, which he presumably bought with his rockstar money and lives in without any parental figures, meaning that he and fabian have similar living situations and probably similar issues with trying to avoid loneliness that result in attention-seeking behavior (ruben's music career and fabian's max legend status). finally, the turncoat potential: fabian has admitted to listening to ruben's music and beefed with gertie bladeshield against the rest of the bad kids. meanwhile, ruben's experiencing some sort of guilt/reluctance with the ratgrinders' plan as expressed through his interactions w/ wanda childa. i believe they can bridge the bad kid/ratgrinder divide and i want them to be friends sooo bad

Ivy Embra/Fig Faeth: most straightforward similarity is their sylvan elf heritage, but i think that the similarity that matters the most would be their image/self-portrayal, with ivy being a sort of mean girl with an edge, similar to the type of person that fig wanted to portray herself as in freshman year (even though fig is actually much more soft-hearted/sentimental). this comparison is honestly more of a what-could-be scenario that sheds light on potential alternate facets of fig's story bc 1) ivy being an elven ranger is pretty similar to sandra lynn but has the edgy persona fig only took on after she found out about her tiefling heritage and 2) we have literally no idea what's going on with ivy's emotional landscape. still, this comparison compels me, especially in light of finding out how porter and jace groomed the ratgrinders, and the way that sandra lynn got used by bobby dawn when he was an adventurer. it's like a dark mirror of what could have happened to fig if the circumstances were worse (and the fact that bobby dawn is a teacher in aguefort rn and was also collaborating with porter to an extent.... the cycles are cycling!!)

Mary-Ann Skuttle/Riz Gukgak: just little guys. specifically smaller races often stereotyped as villainous and acting in the service of the party rather than for themselves, though while we see that riz acts for the party out of genuine passion, mary-ann seems to be more apathetic. both are disconnected from regular teenage social norms, generally unbothered/unaware of looking "uncool", and more focused on their personal interests, as mary-ann has her plushies and riz has his mysteries (and his business cards from freshman year lol). even when riz joined all the school clubs this year, he did it for the sake of kristen's campaign/getting scholarship money to help his mom more than for his own reputation. another prominent similarity is a heavy compartmentalization of emotion: we don't really know what's going on with mary-ann but she hasn't shown any emotion even when trying out for bloodrush and seems remarkably unbothered for someone who's been presumably been shatter-starred. riz, in contrast, has a lot of emotions/anxieties but channels them into mystery solving and other activities, an approach encapsulated by the baron quote from fhsy: "You love the truth. You seek it so much that you cut your hands upon the inside of crystals. But, you use deception to protect yourself from something you fear." riz also isn't very forthcoming with his emotional state, evading questions from his mom and Jawbone, as well as his friends. His initial drive to solve mysteries stemmed from the emotion from his father's death, but iirc he didn't even tell the bad kids about how pok died until sophomore. And now, he's grinding in school/extracurriculars for scholarships to avoid considering the possibility of the bad kids splitting up

Buddy Dawn/Adaine Abernant: catty and blonde. (jk) both of them feel anger prominently and express it in their spellcasting (versus a more martial class), but in very different ways. adaine's whole arc throughout freshman and sophomore year has been about accepting that she has the right to be angry about the way that her parents abused her, and that her anger can be a source of power in her spellcasting; contrast the way she brained doreen with the ladle in the first battle with the corn cutie bc she didn't know what to do versus later battles in sophomore and junior year when she's learned adaine's furious fist. on the other hand, buddy uses his cleric spellcasting as a healer in order to sublimate discomforting feelings and avoid dealing with the idea of agency and consequences of emotions like anger. his whole conversation with kristen is basically him going "i don't feel anger because i repress it so deeply and i don't engage in violence, just help other people kill because that is helio's will. my hands are clean tho :)" (he is so funny) additionally, adaine has found a support system in her adventuring party, as well as jawbone and ayda, while buddy is the odd one out in the ratgrinders as lucy's replacement, isolated from preexisting support systems as he has just moved from highcourt and subsequently becoming so very vulnerable to getting shatterstarred

Oisin Hakinvar/Kristen Applebees: idk these are the only guys i have left. ok my original idea was they both have plot-relevance related to adaine's summons, with oisin hijacking adaine's dust mephits to tamper with the cloud rider engine and whatever the fuck is gonna go on with K2 in the next episodes. also have a narrative presence defined in part by the women they're crushing on, with kristen dealing with her attraction to tracker/gertie/women in general throughout all the campaigns and oisin being introduced as seemingly flustered by adaine's attention. but honestly i think the strongest parallel is that they're both haters (kristen calling klck "4dogs" and oisin calling buddy dawn "hayseed", fight!)

and of course, how could I forget...

Lucy Frostblade/Gilear Faeth: the Chosen Ones. both have plot relevance and relation to Ankarna through their ancestry. both just have a melancholy vibe. ppl from mountainous cultures often live off dairy products... i'm gonna extrapolate and assume that lucy loved blueberry yogurt

[keelt9]

Chapter 4

Masterlist

Breathless with my legs shaking every step, isn’t how I picture myself arriving in Barcelona, that’s what happened when you lost a flight last night. Thomas came with me to check apartments, with his clinic eye, after all, he’s an amazing architect.

I believed if I woke up early in the dawn, I arrived at the perfect time at the airport. I didn’t anticipate that multiple factors could ruin my plan, so I missed the flight; spending 3 hours at the airport waiting for another flight to Barcelona. 

Here I asked for a cab to drive faster to the hotel to leave my bags, but the receptionist took 20 minutes making my reservation, obligating me to get stuck in the traffic 30 minutes before the race started. I have one option, run.

When I arrive at the paddock the drivers are walking to the garage talking with their staff; Mercedes hospitality was the second-to-last building.

One of the PR girls, when she saw me almost with a lung out, giggled and screamed getting out of the building. “He’s already in the garage!”

You must be kidding me. I thank her running back, crashing with people avoiding a fall. 

All was worth it because I arrived when Lewis was about to put his helmet on. The drivers are already putting them on too, gloves, even some of them inside of his cars.

I jumped on his back, taking him by surprise. “Oh my lord.” He saw me when turn his head. “Why don't you pick up your phone?”

I get down and show it to him. “Out of battery.”

“Lewis it's time.” One of his mechanics told him. I pat his shoulders.

“Whatever, details we talk about later, now go.” Lewis clicked his tongue putting his helmet on.

“I'm not in the greatest spot.” It was an awful qualify, he barely reached the 13th position and the car hasn't been working as he expects so it's natural he feels so down.

“You always say, fight until the last minute, right? So go and fight. I'm already so proud of you.” Lewis hugs me tight before go.

The loud noise of the cars as they passed in front of the garage is usual, just this time the blue, yellow and red car stole a long glance from me.

Lewis was right, he and his team pushed until the last lap but simply reached the 5th position. As Lewis got into the garage talking with a few members of his team before going to where I was standing.

I opened my arms and he chuckled. “You did amazing.” He nods but doesn't say another word more than thank you.

“Go to the hospitality you look tired, I'll reach you when I finish here, ok?” He kissed my cheek. “It means a lot that you still come.” 

“In the winnings and in the lost.” He genuinely smiled this time before being dragged for his PR team.

I walk in the opposite direction of people who are walking to watch the ceremony. It's been a week of ups and downs with Thomas and I around Newport searching apartments along the work and flights have drained me of energy. 

I go to the upper part of the Mercedes building, ask for a coffee and unconsciously fall asleep on the table.

The soft movement on my shoulder makes me realize the cap I’m wearing over my head is the only thing that saves me from an embarrassing moment. 

“Long week?” Bono is sitting next me changing my coffee. “This is awfully cold.” 

I grab the coffee while taking a sip, and thank him. “Lewis?” Yeah, goddess liquid.

“Oh, he’s finishing the last interviews, I come for this too, but you look defeated. You should go to the hotel, I don’t think there is so much to do either.” Bono put my cap on before leaving. 

He’s right, I stand with my coffee going to the main door hoping to find my brother on the way and telling him I’ll be waiting for him for dinner in the hotel.

On my way out my hoodie got stuck in one of the boys passes so it made me stop turning around and take a step aside of the hallways trying to untangle.

“Great race mate, I’m sorry for the result. Hey… uh, where is Y/N? I didn’t see her today.” That’s definitely Max's voice, making my body tense.

“Oh, she’s been here, all the race.” Lewis answers like he’s pointing out the most obvious thing in the world.

The boy makes our passes untangle, he leaves me there eardroping. 

“I guess, I didn’t search…I mean notice her.” It’s like that should be a thought for himself instead of an out of loud answer.

“Yeah, congrats Max.” I hear loud crashing hands and steps approaching and others going down the steps.

I waited for Lewis to pass the small room where I was standing, for coming out pretending I just came inside looking for him.

Lewis narrowed his eyes. “Are you all right?” I choke my head. “You look surprised, even, you have a soft…” I realize my lips are coming up so I shake my head and take a deep breath.

I shake the cup of my coffee with extra whipped cream. “Bono made me a coffee.” 

Since I was a little kid Bono noticed the deep affection my brother had for me and even he started to spoil me as Lewis, becoming another old brother for me.

He takes a sip. “Oh my word. Too sweet, too sweet.” I giggle and try to put my words in order. “Go to the hotel, I have a few things to do. I’ll be there for dinner.” 

Lewis speaks being dragged for Rosa one more time, as she whispers to me “I’m sorry.” 

As I walked out of the paddock and the fresh air hit my face, reality did too. Why do I even take importance to those words?

“I’m crazy.” I speak to myself.

“You’re definitely stealing moments.” Lewis keeps scrolling in his phone, and notices that actually some people and reporters start to suspect that the girl running along the paddick is no one else than, Y/N Hamilton.

“Yeah, they have good eyes.” My eyes are on the waitress walking with my dessert. 

Lewis takes the last sip of his glass of wine. “Talking about good eyes.” 

My skin crawled just with the thought of Lewis could mention something about his talk with Max.

“The investor confirms the appointment, all seems perfectly right.” He laid back in his chair with a proud smile.

Here in Barcelona, Lewis contacted some people who could be interested in becoming investors of the refugee. Both of us refused to be in an office with the most formal and uncomfortable place, so he invited them to a casual breakfast.

“Don’t worry, we already sent them the advance of the past month any question they could have I’m pretty sure you can handle pretty well.” Every advance I send, makes it more real and makes me more excited.

The dinner was amazing but my body needs a proper sleep to recover energy and go to breakfast fully focused and concentrated. 

“You think I should wear a suit?” Lewis scoffed and pushed me softly.

“My god, it's breakfast Y/N and they aren’t that old.” I take a deep breath trying to relax. 

As we crossed the lobby we found Checo and his personal trainer, Jose; bags on their hands ready to leave, as another lift opened too; drivers, mechanics and some engineers, accompanied with a few girls ready to celebrate the results.

Checo greeted us on their way to the door. “Are you not going?” My brother asked, pointing with his head to the small crowd walking to the exit too.

“Family is waiting.” Checo jokes about Lewis should go, even Bottas is thinking about going.

“Yeah, you should go. I’m actually fighting to keep my eyes open.” I put my fingers over my eyelids making them laugh.

“LEWIS, YOU COME?!” Charles screams at the other side of the lobby holding the crystal door to Alex who waves her hand to me. “Y/N YOU SHOULD COME TOO, IT’S GOING TO BE FUN.”

I shake my head taking a step back. “Sorry! But have fun!” I push Lewis to go but he just replay the same as we watch them go.

“Big day tomorrow, right?” Lewis smiled at me, hugging me with one arm.

Checo and Jo cry out a big “Aw” saying goodbye to us.

“Oh, Y/N do you like Mexican food?” Lewis covers his face with his hand.

“I love it!” Checo keeps thinking for a second.

“If you’re not too busy by the end of the week, you should pass by home, I bet we can prepare something.” He makes a face playing with Lewis. “Yes, Lewis, you’re invited too.”

“Sounds great, we text you.” Lewis rolls his eyes as we walk to the elevator after the final goodbye.

“We?” He’s smiling, we both know I’m not ready to open up to other people, risking me to be vulnerable one more time.

“It’s Checo, it’s going to be fun.” After all, like Bottas, they’ve known each other for a long time. 

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!”

Mika screams, makes me realize I've been staring at the ceiling with her on the phone. 

“Yes, yes, of course.” We were talking about the next party and if I’m coming too.

“Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressure.” I stand going to the window to get some fresh air.

“It's ok, I want to go.” My head is spinning around the same. “Mika I'm tired, I'll call you tomorrow ok?” I sit on the balcony watching the buildings and the night lights. 

The breakfast it’s the best idea by far, all developed in a full calm, and casual manner but with the formality a business needs, after all Lewis has right, the investors are Lewis' age and good friends of his.

“I must say Y/N you have us.” One of his friends said after they watched the sketch that I was working this month. “I’m in.” 

I see Lewis at the other side of the table smiling, ⅓. “This is spectacular, and a good option of location, focus on what it’s the main cause. Count me in, too.” ⅔

I have my fist tight tapping my legs. “Who’s going to be the face of the refugee?”

The last investor asks, watching the tablet in his hands. “The star of the family, absolutely.” My words put all eyes on me. “Roscoe.”

All laugh and he gave me the tablet. “That’s all I need. I’m in.” 3/3

“Well, that's the merit of a toast.” Lewis calls for a waitress as he winks at me. “This is going to be great, I can assure you that.”

After the breakfast Lewis makes us go back to the hotel, he has a call from the reception, one of the brands he’s ambassador delivers a special item for him.

“It’s going to be quick, but I can’t leave that on the reception.” Lewis says as we enter the hotel. “Wait for me in the cafe, I’ll be there in a blink.”

He runs to the reception as I walk there, taking my time to relax; I’ve been tense for the meeting, now with a good result I feel I take a huge weight over my shoulders.

I sit on the empty table near the big crystal door facing the lift so Lewis can see me easily. I close my eyes and take a deep breath lying back my head relaxing every muscle of my body. 

A nice girl comes closer to me asking if I need something. I say to her I am just waiting for someone, when I see one more time the lift, Max is coming out of one of them, bag at his back and cellphone in hand as another guy helping with his other bags.

The picture from last night, him in the middle of the drivers and girls laughing and talking so freely makes me feel it’s the right thing to do is taking my distance, like I've been doing all these time; making me move my eyes to my phone.

Apparently we don’t think the same, because by the time I lift my eyes one more time Max casually sits in the chair next to me, removing his bag and keeping his phone in his pocket.

That’s the multiple benefits about the sunglasses, the perfect cover all the time. With a barely raise of the corner of my lips I greeted him, didn’t say any other word, my sight stuck to my phone, pretending I’m busy on something.

It was the longest and quiet seconds of the day, until he cleared his throat speaking first, and put in front of me a small purple bottle.

I raised my eyebrows looking at him, my expectations were a serious face however he has a genuine smile on his face.

“It’s nothing weird or bad I swear.” He scoffed, shaking his hands in front of him. “But…you looked really tired yesterday and.” He lay back moving his cap, rushing his words. “Lewis said you were tired because you have a long week, so probably you didn’t sleep well...”

“You ask Lewis about me?” I interrupt his rambling taking the bottle, vitamin B6 and B12. 

“Well, not exactly, I just wonder randomly.” I nod slowly, but the warning sign on my head turns on too. “I…” 

It’s confusing seeing a guy who’s always been so direct and freely talks in battle with his own words.

“I’m always talking to you in the most awkward moments, it’s just… Have you ever been curious about someone? Like that curious that you can't avoid finding an excuse for coming closer.” 

People around him microphones on and cameras focus on him, it’s the only thing that comes to my mind.

“I think you have a better answer than me.” He scoffs like my answer it’s the last thing he expects. 

“I guess it’s dumb on my part to wish you joined us last night, right?” I definitely didn’t expect this answer. “I wonder what it feels having you there.”

What is happening? Perplex it’s my only feeling, but I see honesty in his eyes. The table turns because now I’m the one who's fighting to find some words.

“Ready!” Lewis entered the cafe clapping his hands and a big smile on his face. “Max, hi.” 

Max looks right to my face, smiles cutely at me before standing and greeting my brother. 

“I leave you, I have to go.” Max put his bag on. “Nice to see you again Y/N.” 

Lewis watches him go as I have trouble to recover myself, I grab the bottle and put it inside of my purse.

“That was…” He rested the importance, moving his head. “Whatever, let’s go, multiple things to do.”

“That was nice.” Mika is playing with her pen.

The weather in London it’s been kind of a troublemaker, some days a big sun on the top of your head while others a dark cloud and strong wind.

“I know, but finally we found it.” My hands raising to the sky leave it clear my frustrations for finding a home it’s finally over.

Last weekend with a no race week Thomas and I got on finding the perfect apartment; after a day of walking around Newport we found a nice house almost outside of the town. 

An old man, Richard, came out of it with a big red banner, “For sale.” Thomas dragged me to go inside and just took a look. Richard explains to us, the old house is where he and his wife spend a life together but years ago, her wife died and his daughter with his grandkids who live in France insisted he should come with them, and that's exactly what he’s going to do.

Thomas sees the house like a magnifying glass included in his eyes, I limit myself to see around until I find a back room.

“Oh, my wife likes to draw, so my kids adapted this room for her.” Big windows point to the backyard surrounded by brown walls and a big tree apple on the corner.

A few drawings are still on the wall. “May I?” Richards nods with a big smile. 

“It feels bittersweet.” He says as I look at the draw of two little kids playing with a ball. “Have to restart your life taking the golden moments with you, but the piece of a life too.”

His words touch deeply in my heart and he sees the emotion in my eyes. “But it’s worthy, new adventures waiting for us, right?”

I found Thomas in the kitchen, and said at the same time. “This is the one.”

Mika smiles. “So, he’s going to be in charge of the renovation?” 

Thomas offers me to make the house more 21st century, keeping the essence of the house. I agree with just one condition leaving the drawing room as it was, at the end of it.

“Indeed.” The waitress with our food walks and puts it in front of us.

The soft taste of butter and prosciutto is like from another world and by the way I open my eyes Mika knows and giggles. 

“I told you right?” She takes a sip of his coffee. “This place is a treasure.” Accidentally a few drops of her coffee fall in her medical uniform. “Damn.”

I gave her a napkin; the cafeteria is near to the hospital where she works, so everytime I’m in London I try to take my time and have breakfast, lunch or dinner with her in her free time.

“Yeah, you should go and wash this off.” I laugh because now the drops of coffee in her blue uniform look like drops of blood. “You’ll terrify Mrs.Collins with that.” 

Mika laughs because her next patient is a lady who at his 77, it’s skeptical about having to go with a cardiologist, Mika. 

“Wise girl. I’ll be back in a minute.” Mika stands for washing off the stains. 

After a couple of seconds, the buzz of my phone stole a glance from me, a reminder. 

Mika comes with a damp uniform but she covers it with her hospital gown. “Now, you take care of yourself without someone telling you.” 

“What?” She pointed to the purple bottle. “Oh, it’s just vitamins.” 

She grabs it and examines it from closer. “They're pretty good, though.” 

I bit my lip containing a proud smile. “Can I ask you a question?”  

Mika laughs, shaking her head. “All your malaise please make an appointment with my secretary and I’ll be pleased to assist you.”

I push her feet under the table.

“All right, all right. This is pretty clear, one in every meal.” I shake my head

“It’s not about vitamins. It’s about another thing.” Mika waits for me to continue. “What does it mean <be curious about someone>?” 

Mike frowned her eyebrows, and chuckled, not in a mocking way, like if I just asked the most obvious thing.

“Are you talking seriously?” A plain “yup” was my only answer, confusing her more. “Well, am, you’re interested in someone, maybe in their likes, hobbies, habits… I don’t know Y/N, is such a deeply-confused question.” 

I giggle, whispering and repeating her words. “I know, deep-confuse.” 

“Hey, don’t try to confuse my brain. I’m glad you finally are taking care of you. I was about to give you an IV every time you come.” Mika grabs my hand across the table and smiles. “Remember, a new beginning, a fresh new start.”

“I’m afraid.” I sigh. “I don’t want to…seeing me again like I did months ago.” 

The image of me standing in front of my mirror with red eyes shaking wondering what I did wrong, still wakes me up from time to time.

“Baby steps.” I laugh. “A great way to start.” 

I see the vitamins and the recalling of that night, seeing the post under the bottle with a careful and still messy  writing that just says. 

>Take one in every meal and drink water, please!

Put a genuinely  smile on my face, and softly shake my heart.

[theambitiouswoman]

When I was 19 I had a job that I absolutely hated. I would cry in the mornings because I did not want to work. Making money online was foreign to me. Entrepreneurship was foreign to me. Sounded hard and expensive.

Why? Because it was not my reality. My friends were into different things. I was clueless about how attainable and easy these things were because I was so busy being distracted by useless things, that wasted my time and kept me stuck in the same cycle.

I was the child of low income immigrant parents who only taught me to work hard my whole life. They could not offer me money or knowledge. So I was back to square one in my comfort zone. Working hard, going out, gossiping and being miserable.

Until I decided I wanted more for myself.

Except I did not know what to do.

So I quit.

I started focusing on myself and the things I enjoyed doing.

I stopped keeping up with my friends, or what the plans were for the evening.

I started doing what came natural to me in hopes that something would dawn on me and I would just figure out. At one point, I got super depressed. But found comfort in those hobbies. And if there was one thing I was going to do in the day, it was sit in front of the computer and create.

A few weeks later, someone reached out to me to help them with their new business. The work was basically to do what I was already doing on my free time. While making no income.

So I said yes.

I did not know what I was doing.

In retrospect, I don't think they did either.

But I was committed to making sure my work was the best.

So I researched and I studied. I thought to myself "if this makes sense for that company, it should make sense here". And I went with it.

I was clueless but relentless. Committed. Refused to fail. Knew I was giving my best and doing my all.

The end result was 15 new clients within 3 months. Before I realized it, I had my own business that was growing exponentially right before my eyes.

Nothing in life is more important than alignment. There are a lot of other important factors and qualities that contribute. But you won't know what you are capable of achieving until you decide to commit to yourself. You don't have to have the answers. You don't even need to have much of a plan. You just need to commit to be your authentic self. And commit to everything that pertains to and includes along the way.