#astarion x ace!tav

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Shadowheart: We have to go!

Astarion: Afraid I can’t. Tav is sleeping on top of me.

Shadowheart: Then push them off.

Astarion: *offended* Excuse me?

[hylorien]

Asexual Tav sheepishly turning down Astarion, 'not because I don't like you, I just don't like... sex,' and the vampire calls it blasphemy but he's up all night wondering if he even likes sex

[monstersandmaw]

First time romancing Astarion, and I'm all aboard the ace-spec interpretation of Astarion that I've seen floating around. As someone who's ace, I definitely resonated with him in this scene anyway. That hug reaction from Astarion. Oof.

And the fact that if you also romance Halsin, one of the dialogue options Astarion can give you is to say something like: 'it's not because... we haven't... in a while... is it?'... My heart cracked painfully at that, I'm not going to lie. I have spoken almost exactly that sentence before, worrying that just kissing and physical affection is not enough for someone who's not ace. To have that validated by Astarion was really special for me.

(aka, I really didn't get to know Astarion very well in my first playthrough because he didn't approve of my absolute doormat of a Tav (Kaerlyn the drow) and I didn't spend much time with him, but now with my sassy monk...? I get it. I totally get why you all love Astarion so much).

EDIT: additional dialogue from Raphael talking about Cazador indicates that it might be linked to vampirism (my own headcanon for vampires anyway is they can't get aroused without having fed recently, not just BG3 vamps, but in general)

[some poly-ace-astarion thoughts under the cut too]

I'm not 100% convinced that Astarion is really ok with the consensual poly situation in-game, because he famously doesn't say what he actually wants and is the king of manipulating others, especially in sexual situations (e.g. what Cazador sent him out to do, and how). I'm not sure if I'll reload a save and just have Halsin as a friend...

The dialogue when you check in with Astarion before the Halsin scene is... strained? Odd??? Maybe it's just me over-analysing it. He sounded strained though - his tone high pitched and more grandiose than he'd been in previous cut-scenes, where he was more softly-spoken. It sounded more like early-game Astarion to me...

Also, my dialogue options may have been totally randomised the next time I approached Astarion after a steamy night with Halsin, but they sounded kind of strained there too, and I got the 'I can never say no to you' one, which set my ace people-pleaser alarm bells ringing...

As someone who's poly-romantic but asexual, I can project/imagine here that Astarion has come to care for Tav a lot (more than he ever expected, for sure), and he genuinely wants Tav to be happy. He trusts Tav enough to know that Tav respects his autonomy and right to decide things for himself, and values Astarion for who he is, so Astarion is intellectually/conceptually happy for Tav to get something from Halsin that Astarion is not providing (sex), but perhaps emotionally that additional fact and dynamic is harder to deal with.

That could totally be me projecting though, because that's how I'd react if my husband (not ace) and I (ace) were in that situation (we've discussed it between us, actually XD). Feelings of guilt and inadequacy around sex itself are apparently very common with us ace folks, even in very healthy and happy relationships.

Anyway, that turned into a ramble I didn't intend on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I'm not looking to start any discourse about this though. If you don't see Astarion that way, or had a different experience and interpretation, that's all totally valid and I'm not trying to invalidate it in anyway.

[experimentalmadness]

Broken Bird

Summary: Astarion is extremely confused by the odd fact Tav doesn't seem to want him for sex. But then, whatever in the world could she want?

Early relationship woes and Astarion slowly realizing he may have just played himself.

You can read more about Eidel and Astarion here

***

Astarion was at a loss. 

He flipped idly through the pages of the book he was only half paying attention to while the camp buzzed about with activity. Karlach and Wyll were still finding things to clean from the tiefling’s party the other night and Astarion did not wish to be volunteered to assist. 

By all accounts the party was a success. 

Wasn’t it?

He watched Eidel at the edge of camp. She sat cross legged, her staff alongside her as she tended to an injured sparrow she had found that morning. She smiled as she examined her charge, all teeth and scrunched up nose. Her gaze flitted over to his and she waved. Astarion winced, but instinct was a funny thing. He shot her an easy grin and a flirtatious wave of his own. 

Not that any of his old instincts had served him well last night. 

It all started out simple enough. He’d made his best proposition, he’d seen the blush rise in those mottled cheeks, seen her shy nod when she had agreed to scamper off into the night alone with him…and then? 

“And what is it you want?” She had asked him, all guileless eyes and innocence. Her words had stopped him cold. No one had asked him that. Not in two hundred years. But still he had an easy answer. He always did. That naive act had to stop eventually. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. But…it never did. 

“Why did you really come here with me?” Astarion asked. 

“Well, that’s easy, I like you! I wanted to spend time with you!” Eidel laughed. 

“Darling, here I am. We have nothing but time,” he purred. 

“The stars are so bright tonight. We could walk along the river, I thought? There’s a rise up not far from camp where we could look at them. Are you sure you won’t take my cloak? You’ll catch a chill.”

She wasn’t playing by the rules. He didn’t have time to answer before Eidel tossed her cloak over his bare shoulders, fussing as she pinned the edges. He had seduced his fair share of innocents before. But once they were alone they always went for him, no matter how shyly. But Eidel was either the densest woman in all of Faerun, or she was deliberately avoiding the obvious. 

“Aren’t you sweet?” If she wasn’t going to play the game his way, he’d have no choice but to play it the way she wanted. Dense or obtuse, she was still the best bet he had for protection. “And I’m sure that perfect little body of yours absolutely glows in the starlight. Lead on.”

He didn’t sleep with her that night. 

She’d led him up to the hill and rambled on about the stars and the constellations and how she’d never seen so many before. She’d sat beside him and clung tight to his arm as she excitedly talked. He’d watched as her eyes went as big as the world in her enthusiasm and when he did manage to kiss her she tasted of guilt. 

Technically it should have all felt like a victory. She was clearly enamored with him, sex be damned, and she was gullible enough he had her dancing to his tune no matter what he said. 

So why did all this feel…so terrible?

Astarion blanched as Eidel motioned for him to join her. He set the book down and walked on. It didn’t matter how he felt about the situation, he had a part to play. 

He smiled as he approached, lessening the seductive stare and mimicking her open one instead. “What can I do for you, my dear?” He asked lightly, sitting alongside her. 

She giggled. “I like when you call me that. Can I call you that?” 

“You may call me whatever you wish. Now, did you invite me over merely for my company? Not that I’d blame you.”

“I need your help,” she said. “Could you hold onto my friend here, and keep him nice and still while I set this splint for his wing?”

“Me?” Astarion asked. “Wouldn’t….wouldn’t Halsin be the better option? I’m not exactly the nurturing kind.”

“Oh that’s not true! You’re perfect for the job or I wouldn’t have asked,” Eidel said, holding out the sparrow. 

“Animals tend to run at the scent of blood, you know,” he pouted. 

“Hold out your hand, please,” she said. Astarion was beginning to think she wasn’t dense at all. Merely stubborn. 

It didn’t seem he had much of a choice. He sighed and cupped his hands as Eidel placed the bird in his palms. The bird gave a small peep and ruffled his feathers, but settled in moments and Astarion kept him still as Eidel delicately stretched the bird’s broken wing to fit the split onto it. 

“See?” She said as she worked. “He trusts you.”

“Your bird must not be very smart, then. That’s an objectively stupid thing to do.”

“Why? You’re a good person to trust.”

A slight splinter of guilt stabbed at the base of Astarion’s stomach. “Eidel, you’ve seen me lie, and cheat, and kill dozens of people. Sometimes all in one day.”

“Well, yeah, the world is a dangerous place and we have to do things to survive. I know that, but that’s not the same thing is it?” Eidel bit her lip as she tied off the bandage. “You can’t keep an animal anywhere it does not wish to be.”

“Easy for you to say, I believe the bird with the splint doesn’t have many options.”

“Don’t let that fool you. There now,” she took the bird gently from Astarion’s hands. “All set. Stay here in camp and I’ll check on that wing in a week, you should be good as new soon enough.”

The sparrow chirped what Astarion could only assume was a thank you before hopping off. Eidel watched him go. 

“I know what you wanted from me last night,” she said without looking back at him. 

The splinter in his middle tore a little wider. “I’m…I’m not sure I know what you mean, darling.”

“I would have said but I was afraid you’d leave, and I’d never had a night like that. It was perfect, and I was selfish, because you’re wonderful and I’ve never liked anyone before. But I’m not sure you’d want to spend more nights like that with me if sex is off the table for now. I’d understand. I won’t pretend it won’t hurt, but I would…understand.”

She’d taken the playbook and thrown it into the fire. He blinked at her as she turned around to look at him. Her eyes were downcast, as if she expected him to toss her aside. He wasn’t entirely certain he understood her at all. What did she want from him if she wasn’t after an easy escape? All of his best instincts were to offer a physical compliment, a teasing line, something to turn her head. He realized he was frozen. He’d never been with anyone who hadn’t wanted him for his body, for what the lies it could offer. 

“Darling,” he laughed, hoping she didn’t catch the hitch in his tone. “I’m hurt you’d think I’d cast you aside so quickly. In fact, I was going to ask you for another midnight stroll, but if you’re not interested…”

“Really?!” 

He inhaled sharply as her expression brightened, her one pale eye and one red eye lighting up like the sky. And the mottled pink that cracked through her otherwise copper skin turned a lovely shade of magenta where it polka dotted across her cheeks. “I’d…I’d like that!” She said in a rush. 

“Good,” he took her hands in his as he helped them both to their feet. “Then I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight, my star!” She repeated, bouncing on her heels as she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. She pulled away, blushing furiously, a hand on her lips as if unsure if she was allowed to do such a thing.

My star? 

“Oh, I can think of something else if you’re not fond of it,” she said. Apparently his look of confusion had been a tad too obvious. 

“No…no it’s…charming,” he cleared his throat. He had to get away from her. “I’ll see you later.”

It was all for the best, he rationalized. She got a companion and in exchange he got a powerful druid as protection. She was utterly his regardless of how he had won her over, that much was clear. But it was all…wrong. She was practically eating out of his palm, wasn’t that what he had wanted? He thought of that pathetic, little bird he had held in his hands moments ago…how he should have broken its neck before it ever tried to trust him.

[rielzero]

Sometimes I make low effort scribbles like this when I'm bored.

[astaribun]

How I imagine Ace Tav would respond to Astarion's invite

Tav: Astarion, I know what you're trying to do, you don't need to sleep with me to get me to care about you as I already do.

Astarion: Well that's hardly the only reason. Besides it's not like I need you to make my choices for me, I'm only enjoying my freedom, darling~. So what do you say? Meet me in the woods later?

Tav: Fair point, I don't want to take away your choice.

Astarion: Wonderful, I can't wai-

Tav: But you're not the only one that has additional reasons. I uhm... I don't feel comfortable having sex.

Astarion: Oh. I see, you're one of the few people that don't find me attractive.

Tav: No! You're very attractive! I'd love go on dates with you and cuddle and maybe even kiss you. But I just don't really do sex...

Astarion: Why-

Tav: So if you still want to get closer we can meet tonight and talk and cuddle if you feel comfortable?

Astarion: I suppose we could try your 'just talk' idea, just don't expect it to lead to a fairy tale romance like Wyll would give you.

Tav: Of course, you're still you.

[battleonthebigbridge]

A good tav, an evil tav, and a dark urge walk into a ba- oh they're kissing their treasured companions.

[sharksssm]

Not Broken At All

ace!tav, hurt/comfort, no smut! My Tav is in love with Shadowheart, Gale and Astarion, yes I can fix them all and together we can do anything okay. You could see it sometimes, when you walked through camp, hear it in their voices. Attraction. You weren’t opposed to a romantic relationship with one (or more) of your new acquaintances. No, friends? Companions? Regardless, you felt more and more sick every time you had to turn someone’s advances down, feeling the relationships you were building grow slightly tense in the aftermath.

Lae’zel was first, and Astarion had propositioned you in the goblin camp, that one stung to turn down, your attraction to him was strong. You almost considered just sucking it up so that he wouldn’t look at you the same way the other two did. Disappointed. You had some wine with Shadowheart, looked at the weave with Gale and shared a thought of you two holding hands, and you couldn’t help but scold yourself. Childish. Now you settled down for your rest, where a feeling of anticipation for the journey ahead should be, a feeling of discomfort sits in your stomach instead, rumbling through your mind the more you looked at your companions. Astarion caught your eye over the cover of his book, quirking an eyebrow at you. Your cheeks reddened as you cast your eyes to the ground. “I couldn’t help but notice your eyes on me, darling. I don’t suppose you’ve anything to say?” He wants you to change your mind, to want him like he wants you. “Oh, uh, no Astarion, sorry.” He sighs deeply. “Right, what’s the problem then? No offense darling but you’ve hardly taken the kicked puppy look off that pretty face all day, and surely my offer isn’t so bad you’ve been actually hurt by it.” You shook your head, hands outstretched in a placating manner, not that Astarion sounded particularly upset by any stretch. Although, he rarely did, upset or not. “No, not at all! It’s something personal, an issue for me alone to deal with.” You could feel eyes on you, assessing the situation. It was no secret, the flame you had for Astarion, let alone for some of your other companions, but neither was your rejection of his advances. Lae’zel in particular was not being subtle, eyes glued on the two of you while she sharpened her sword, Gale’s flitting between you and Astarion with barely-disguised interest. Your shoulders slumped. “Since all of you are so interested, how about we all talk about it, and get it open amongst the group.” The palpable lack of eyes on you suddenly made you almost more self-conscious, and Astarion looked almost… annoyed. “Oh yes, let's talk to the whole camp about you rejecting me.” It took maybe 5 minutes to gather everyone, sans Withers and Halsin, around the fire, the sunset light casting a pink-orange hue over the scene. You sighed, hands clasped in your lap, fiddling with the little ring you’d bought from the tiefling child, one to supposedly ‘ward off ants.’ Gale had laughed at you and you’d just blushed, remembering how it felt to search for any money you could as a kid. It gave you something to play with now, at least, so it was useful in the end. “Look, everyone… I'd like be honest with you all, as many of you have been with me.” A murmur of agreeance went around the group, their attention focused. “You’ve all – literally all of you – flirted with me at some point in this journey.” Suddenly, eyes on each other, narrowed and wide alike. Shock, suspicion, and jealousy ran abound, but still, nobody said a word, waiting for you. Why am I the leader here?

“And look, I truly take no issue with flirting. I enjoy it, most of the time. I just – “ Deep breath. “Ever since I was a child, there’s been something wrong with me. I feel love, so much of it, but when it comes to… well, after, there’s no feeling. I would well and truly fall in love with any of you but I have no feeling, or desire, to have sex.”

The eyes on you blinked, but still no response came, and your stomach dropped into the pit of your stomach. “I know that there’s something broken within me, and of course I don’t expect your understanding at all, in fact I’m sure some of you may feel that I’ve led you on, but truly-“ Your rambling was interrupted by hands on either side of your face. Shadowheart, of all people, knelt in front of you, her hands were glowing blue. “I can’t sense a thing wrong with you, which means it must be natural. It is okay, to not want or crave sex as the rest of us do. I am more than happy to just be in your presence and only do the things you want to do. That will always be enough.” A tear rolled down your face, as she kissed your nose, and moved to make room for Gale, who took your hand in his, gently squeezing. “You are not broken, nor are you the only one who feels this way. In fact, I know someone quite the same, back in Waterdeep. I can assure you that anyone who gets to know you will be more than charmed enough to overlook it, and if they cannot, then they don’t deserve you at all.”

You offered him a watery smile, squeezing his hand. “I don’t expect all of you to understand, but thank you, at least, for hearing me out. I might take a walk.” You let go of Gale’s hand, smiling at Shadowheart and walked past a silent Astarion and a pensive-looking Lae’zel. You truly didn’t want to think about what the rest of your companions thought about your feelings, you had enough thoughts of your own to contend with as you walked into the forested area behind your camp. Your whole life – childhood, your teenage years, you’d never met anyone like you, let alone anyone who accepted it so wholly. And here were two people who both accepted you and assured you that you were not alone.

You were so lost in thought you’re surprised you even heard a crunch of soil behind you. You spun, drawing your dagger, relaxing fully when you spotted Astarion. “Snapping twigs on purpose are you?” He smiled, walking towards you. “Well darling, I need to give you enough notice to get away from that dagger of yours in time.” You smiled weakly, sheathing it away and wrapping your arms around yourself. “Astarion, you don’t need to-“ “I need to apologise actually.” You looked up at him, red eyes meeting your own. “I asked you for sex, and when you said no I viewed it as a challenge, not a firm answer. That’s… not okay.” He appeared almost pained, and you reached out for his arm on instinct. “Astarion, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.” His eyes met yours, steeled and angry. “Your body and feelings are yours, nobody should ever try to take that choice, that truth, away from you.” You thought about what Astarion had told you previously, about Cazador and his treatment of Astarion. “Nobody should have taken it away from you either Astarion.” He took a step back, and a deep breath through his nose as his eyes closed, opening them again with a determined, but soft look in his eyes. “I know. Thank you. But let’s not distract from what I came here to tell you, which is that you are not broken, at all.” You were sure he could hear your heart beat faster at his words, perhaps even smell the blood flush your cheeks. He sighed, a heavy, deep sigh, of someone afraid of what might happen next.” “I also wanted to tell you that you were wrong.” Your heart felt like it stopped in your chest. “About?” “Do you remember when I was trying to honey you with words, how you laughed and said I was lying when I said ‘I love you?’ Well, I think I do. Or, well, I’m starting to.” Oh. Your mouth opened uselessly, and Astarion kept talking. “I had this nice, simple plan. Seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me. It was easy – instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it. But you wouldn’t sleep with me. I tried everything – a knee between your legs as I fed, slight touches, outright asking. And even though I didn’t get anywhere with my seduction – I failed the other part of my plan, the part where I didn’t fall for you. Your mouth was dry, and you licked your lips, eyes on the ground, watching an ant scurry away from you. Damned ring, maybe it was magic. “You… you’re incredible.” His hand found your cheek, your face angled back towards him. “You deserve something real. I want us to be something real.”

A tear fell from your eye. You had no right to be hurt, you knew this was how he was trained – a training he was trying his hardest to break. But you’d let yourself fall for him, let yourself let someone into this closely guarded place within you. “Were you ever attracted to me, really? Or was it all just to try and bed me.” He looked almost shocked, throwing his hands out towards your body. “Of course I was attracted to you! I mean, look at you for goodness sake! You’re a vision.” He took your hand in his then, looking into your eyes, as if willing you to believe him to take his honestly at face value and not question him. “And you’re so much more than that. I just… don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I want.” You enveloped his hands in yours, stepping closer as he spilled more of his truth to you. “Gods, I don’t even know what ‘real’ looks like. Not after two hundred years playing the rake. Being close to someone, any kind of intimacy, was something I performed, a lure to bring people back to him. The idea of sex – it feels tainted. It brings up all these feelings of disgust, and loathing. I just – I don’t know how else to be with someone.” He put his chin up, addressing his next words to the empty space behind your head. “No matter how much I’d like to.” You’d seen him do this before, of course. Addressing the space behind you, steeling himself for disappointment, for rejection. “Astarion…” you murmured, running your hand down his arm, reminding him you’re still here, present. “I care about you, deeply.” His eyes shot back to yours, wide and hopeful. “Really?” You mulled your options here over in your mind, before stepping forward and wrapping your arms around him. He said he didn’t know how else to be with someone, and this was the only way you could be with someone. It took him a moment, but eventually you felt his face in your shoulder, his arms returning your embrace. You stood like that for a few moments, simply enjoying each other’s arms, before you stepped back, his face looking at your longingly. You could hug him every day for the rest of your lives and it wouldn’t be enough. “You.. you’re full of surprises, aren’t you? Honestly I have no idea what we’re doing – or what comes next.” The smile on his face lit the darkness around you up, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “But this,” he took your hand in his, “this is nice.”

You basked in this moment as long as you could, playfully chatting and holding hands, even hugging him again, but eventually, your tired eyes betrayed you, and Astarion insisted you needed rest, tugging you back to camp. You trekked back, cautiously optimistic. For now, Astarion was yours, okay with your sexlessness, okay with your love for him being only emotional and physical in all the ways excluding sex. Maybe after you killed Cazador, Astarion would change his mind, and seek out a partner who could provide him with everything he could ever want, a true romance. But a fire you thought snuffed out long ago burnt dimly inside you, a hope. You could be enough, as you are, enough for him to love you like you loved him, to stay with you and be happy and content without sex. You closed your eyes, the ground much more flat and without gnarled roots to trip your feet, and your love’s hand for guidance. You let yourself believe.

BONUS: Wyll: "I didn't mention it earlier, surrounded by your loves and all, but you are whole, love for sex and other festivities or none at all. You're not broken, or wrong, you just have an appetite for a different kind of love. I admire your bravery, my friend." Lae'zel: While my people sate our appetites freely, there are many among us who may choose not to partake. They are still just as strong in battle, as are you. Karlach: Soldier, I couldn't care less about something like that! Hell, you could tell me you exclusively fuck bugbears and I'd still love you! Well, actually, maybe not that, but you get the idea! Ugh, I just want to hug you forever. *proceeds to try and do so*

[leighsartworks216]

Now that I've finished writing the smut my body doubled down on my asexual "if I think about sex rn I'll disintegrate"-ness so now I must wait until tomorrow to read whatever the fuck I wrote

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Karlach: What's it like being married to Astarion? Ace!Tav: He got wine drunk last night and tried to burn our marriage certificate. Ace!Tav: He said, "good luck returning me without the receipt!".

[theswedishpajas]

Been trying to find time to doodle when I have free time but not enough time to sit down and work on the big project, and tonight I played around a little with the settings on some of my favorite brushes, and made this rainbow demon using one of the bōrupen brushes (what I use for my sketches)

Really excited to use it in more stuff at some point, might be my new sketch brush for a while?

[miscommunicationwriting]

damn it would be crazy if i made astarion fanfics

anyways

i’m so sorry that you have to have a body

joke me something awful

both are fluff and around 1k words, i just wish larian gave us more for the li’s and their feelings bc like. did we touch at all on their feelings??? not enough

[shiakihades]

Becoming Astarion spawn/bride/groom is like...

WHY LARIAN? ONLY THE CUTE FANGS!!!! PLEASE!!!!

[monstersandmaw]

"Waiting to have you." Tav and his bitey bitey love

Their encounter seems to be about enjoyment of each other through kisses and touches (and optional blood drinking). By contrast, Tav's encounter with Halsin feels very much about enjoying each other through sex...

[ajokeformur-ray]

The breeze seems to whisper 'I love you' // Astarion x gn!reader / Tav

This is my first Astarion fic so I really hope I bring him justice; he deserves that and everything else which is good in life. It took me three days in total to fall head over heels for him, and this piece is dedicated to @ace-tarion for being such a sweetheart in this, as in everything. I love you, dude!❤️

I haven't played BG3, I know maybe 80% of the plot (tadpoles in brain = bad = travel to Baldur's Gate), I've watched a ton of Astarion clips, so apologies for any inaccuracies or inconsistencies. I'm just here for Astarion (though I'd love to play BG3, I don't have any technology capable of running it💔).

Content: You/Tav x Astarion (established relationship), canonical past for Astarion is hinted at and laced within narrative, cuddles, animals referred to as 'snacks' within mentions of Astarion (only a mention; no actual description of animal-feeding/mentions of anything pertaining to animals being fed on).

Summary: Night-time falls, your heart sinks into your stomach as surely as your body sinks into your bedroll, and you want cuddles from Astarion.

Word count: 1, 624.

I am accepting requests for Astarion ❤️ no smut and no pregnancy/birth/kids!!

You lay on the cold, hard ground. The earth is unforgiving, soaking up the day's sweat without offering any kind of reprieve. Stones and hard clumps of dirt dig into your back through the bedroll, the wind is slightly too cold and it penetrates your thin blanket, haphazardly thrown over you in an attempt to ward off the elements.

Everyone has a tent, except you, and you make it a point to lay as close to the fire as you can on the nights Astarion is out hunting; it wouldn't do to help yourself to his tent. He keeps his tent away from the others, though still adhering to the semi-circle layout chosen by the others around the campfire. He would not mind you letting yourself in to his tent, he would likely welcome returning to you there, and yet you cannot justify it even to yourself.

After two hundred years of shit, pure shit, he deserves every ounce of privacy and the security of knowing his tent is his own.

You sit up just enough to shuffle yourself closer to the fire, curling inwards as a shiver wracks your body. It isn't cold, necessarily, but your temperature is not conducive to a restful sleep. You lay on your back, gazing up at the stars which punctuate the sky, breaking up the inky black and blues with pinpricks of white, yellow, and some dull spots of grey from the stars which died many eons ago and are now fading from the sky.

You promise yourself you'll try to remember their placement in the sky.

Despite the best of intentions, you know that you won't.

Your vision goes blurry at the edges as you continue staring up at the night sky, looking for any constellations you recognise by way of finding yourself a bedtime story to recount as you try to fall asleep. The leaves on the trees sway gently in the breeze, and your mind wanders, as it so often does, to Astarion. Your sweet vampire, who simultaneously breaks your heart and put it back together in the same moment every time you uncover more of who he is, more of his past.

Oh, but you love him.

Of its own accord does your body take a long, deep breath in, your heart sinking into your stomach as surely as your body melts into the bedroll. All of your thoughts of Astarion and all of your feelings for him are safe inside yourself, and they serve you now in warming you from the inside out.

Your eyes slide closed, and if you press your forehead closer into your blanket, you can almost tell yourself that you can feel Astarion lying down beside you, you can smell bergamot and feel his silver hair tickle your cheeks, you can feel his fingers intertwined with yours, your legs tangled together, his crimson eyes upon your face so intently fixed like he's scared to blink in case you disappear before his eyes, leaving him clutching only the cold night air, his equally cold body pressed against every line of yours...

You smile to yourself and burrow deeper into your blanket, feeling sleepier, warmer and closer to your rest by the second. Thoughts of Astarion flood your mind and you curl up tighter, as if to keep all these thoughts right where they are. You know if you open your eyes that you'll be alone; you know not where Astarion is this night, but you know he is trying to sate his hunger with the snacks which live in the forest.

So you keep your eyes shut.

As you allow yourself to slip further into your threshold consciousness, you wonder what Astarion would say to you if he returned at this very moment...

"Hello, sweet. Gods, you are beautiful."

You smile again and squeeze your blanket ever tighter to you. Yes, he would probably say something like -

Wait.

Wait.

Was that - ?

With great caution do you open your eyes, ready to slam them shut again once you see that Astarion isn't there, that he didn't just speak to you. But instead of the cold hard truth slamming into you, flowers bloom in your heart because Astarion is here, looming over you, his silver curls seeming to be glowing in the soft moonlight. His crimson eyes seem black, his charming smirk soft at the edges as he gazes down at you with obvious fondness, vulnerable such as it is.

Of all the stars above me, this one's the prettiest, you think to yourself, and you open your eyes wider to better enjoy the view.

Astarion's smirk melts until it becomes a smile as he kneels down beside you, one of his arms reaching out to brush a leaf away from your face. His fingers ghost across your skin, and you shiver. "Thank you, darling. I know I'm beautiful. Not enough people mention it." His joke fades into vulnerability, as it so often does around you.

But it is no matter. You always meet him where he is, and right now it is no exception.

You smile at Astarion, all of the love for him shining in your eyes until they look like molten galaxies, and he swears he feels his heart, which stopped working centuries ago, skip a beat. You are unguarded where you lay in your threshold consciousness, not embarrassed to have spoke aloud your thoughts, and Astarion wonders if the old saying, that love makes fools of people, is true. You lay at the foot of a vampire, at the foot of a predator, smiling at him, physically and emotionally vulnerable, completely unguarded. Most others at the camp are asleep, Astarion can hear, and yet here you are...

Wait. Why are you awake?

"Darling," Astarion's voice is a hush and you strain your ears to be able to hear him. He bends closer to you to accommodate, anticipating your needs before you fully register them yourself, "Why aren't you sleeping? No harm shall befall you when I'm here." Long ago, he had sought your protection, but now he wanted you both to be safe. If this is how the mighty fall, then Astarion must admit that he is happy he lost his balance. He quite likes the view from down here.

You shake your head and shuffle closer still, unable to get close enough to your most beloved vampire. "Can't sleep without you." I just want to be held.

Oh, help him, but this is devastating in its simplicity. His undead heart bleeds and words have brought Astarion to the point where they run dry. Instead, he stands, and reaches a hand out to you. The message is clear - he wants you to accompany him to his tent, he wants to carve a piece of heaven out with you amongst all the chaos unleashed, he wants to hold and to be held.

Astarion just wants you, and who are you to deny him?

One of your hands slips into his while the other pulls the blanket away from you and Astarion's smile widens as he effortlessly pulls you up to stand beside him. You bend to scoop up your bedroll, and follow Astarion into your tent. The door flap flutters in the wind as Astarion releases it, and it settles in place like a butterfly finding a flower.

You find yourselves easily, your bedroll dumped next to Astarion's, pushed up close until his bedroll becomes a double. It's a well established routine for the two of you, with you spending more nights here than you don't. You never enter his tent if he isn't here, and you certainly never come in without his permission. One day, Astarion will find the words to convey his appreciation for your concern, but until then, he will remind you at every chance he finds that you are always welcome. He finds it greatly ironic that you seek permission to enter space and he, a vampire, does not. He knows he is welcome, wanted, cherished, loved.

It took some work for the both of you to get here, but his months with you are the counterweight to the hell he escaped from.

He'll never be able to thank you enough, he has no idea what he is doing, but perhaps this is a start.

Somehow, through the fuzziness of denied sleep, you end up back in bed, your blanket around you and Astarion's still chest under your head. He lays beneath you like he is patiently waiting for you to make yourself comfortable, and you take the opportunity to wind both of your arms around his waist and squeeze, pulling yourself up just enough to be able to bury your face in his neck. One of your legs slips between his, anchoring the two of you together.

Slowly, like he's afraid to move too quickly in case you disappear within his grasp and leave Astarion holding nothing but the cold empty night air, his hands settle upon your back and a sigh which seems to come from deep within him spells peace for the both of you. "This is nice," Astarion's voice rumbles through your ear and you press yourself ever closer to him, unable to get close enough. Your arms constrict around him again and you feel yourself smile as all those sleepy dreams you were having earlier are now here, beneath you, wrapped around you. As you hold on tighter, so too does Astarion, until the two of you are so completely intertwined that the elements cannot reach you. He has no body temperature and yet you are the comfiest and the warmest you have ever been.

Safe.

This time, Astarion doesn't tell you that you accidentally spoke your thoughts aloud.