#and told him that assuming something and knowing something 100% are 2 very different things and that he should learn the difference

[silvershayde]

Sometimes it really feels like me my sister and my mum are the only ones who actually take care of my cat

[hils79]

Alive! Sort of?

Sorry I haven't been around much. I got back from seeing Ateez, and immediately got sick, which is no big surprise after 3 arena shows in 5 days. I'd have been more surprised if I hadn't tbh. Just about everyone I know who saw them in Manchester ended up getting sick.

I'm over the worst of it now but I'm still quite run down and tired and I've got a lingering cough which is only just now starting to subside.

You know what, though? Totally worth it. I had amazing time seeing Ateez and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Initially I was going to do a write-up of the shows but it's been nearly 2 weeks now so instead here's a few bullet points

This was my first concert since 2008 and my first kpop concert period so I honestly had no idea what to expect

Nothing could have prepared me for the atmosphere. The crowd was pumped and singing loudly before the show even started

So thankful to everyone who told me to invest in some earplugs. I took them out for one (1) song because I needed to hear Jongho sing Everything unfiltered and I wound up losing my hearing in one ear for most of the next day

Going to a kpop concert was not unlike going to a convention. Everyone was super nice and friendly and everyone was handing out freebies to each other. Some of the freebies were so creative and people clearly spent so much time on them

Ateez themselves were SO GOOD. I'd heard they put on a good show but they were absolutely locked in and focused when they were performing and then having a bit of fun and joking around between songs. Pretty sure this has ruined me for other kpop shows now

The first show I went to I barely took any photos or videos because I was so overwhelmed by them being right there on stage just a short distance away from me. We didn't go for any of the VIP packages because those were all standing only, but we had really good seats all three nights.

They absolutely are that pretty in real life even when they were exhausted and had sweat dripping off them

Even seeing them for 3 shows in a row they changed things up enough that it never felt stale or boring. And they made a real effort to talk about things local to the host city. Jongho and Hongjoong talked about the correct way to make tea, Seonghwa and Wooyoung showed off their attempts at a regional accent. It was all super cute and very endearing

It’s funny I never imagined I would boo Hongjoong but the first night in London when he said it was time for the end of the show everyone booed. I assumed people did that for every show but on day 2 he said he’d been quite taken aback but he was prepared for it this time

(I'M SORRY I BOOED YOU HONGJOONG ILU)

My absolutely favourite thing was someone made some double-sided photocard holders with 'my bias before the show' on one side and 'my bias after the show' on the other side. I got wrecked by a different member each night

Yeosang in particular was an absolute revelation to me. I have a very clear memory of saying OH NO out loud from the moment he introduced himself. I can't even explain it there's just something about him that just grabbed me and held my attention all night

All in all 100/10 would do again

[moghedien]

ok so i was genuinely unsure about how I felt about the way Lanfear was revealed in the moment, but there are three main things that are really selling it for me:

1: It immediately sets up the threat of going up against a Forsaken:

So far we haven't really gotten much of an indication from the show about what the Forsaken really are, who they are, and why they're any different that a regular darkfriend. Obviously there's still a ways to go in explaining it, but Lanfear provided an immediate visual explanation

Because for example, we've already seen one darkfriend innkeeper who had a thing for Rand (or pretended to) take a knife through the throat

We've even seen Rand stick around and linger by her body and its very clear that absolutely nothing happens.

We get a lingering shot on her bleeding out and she is very clearly actually dead in this moment. Its not even really a question.

But with Lanfear we kinda get the exact opposite of this moment. We see her take a knife to the throat and clearly go down, then there is no lingering by the characters.

The camera goes back to her and we see the saa very clearly moving in her eye, then she blinks and breaths in.

And by this being the opposite of Dana, I mean that with Dana there was no question that she was actually dead. With Lanfear, there is absolutely no question that she's still alive.

Dana was also a darkfriend, but this is very clearly showing non readers that Lanfear is something DIFFERENT. We're told she's a darkfriend of some kind, then we're seen that she actually apparently cannot die by normal means. This coming AFTER the reveal that she is definitely a channler of some kind, and if we now know she's a Forsaken, then we know that Moiraine clearly said the Forsaken are the most powerful channlers ever, more powerful than any Aes Sedai.

And now apparently they can't die.

2. Its foreshadowing.

Moiraine was able to take out Lanfear (if only temporarily) with a physical attack because Lanfear was so fixated on Rand.

The above is also a spoiler for the climax of a certain book.

I'm not gonna get into it, but its clearly like showing that there's a course of action and there is a playbook that works here.

3. NOW we have Lanfear

Before we had Selene. I'd argue there were even moments where we had Mierin, but the only time Lanfear has really come out before this was when she went into Rand's dream and threatened him in episode 3.

By this I mean that while Selene was always obviously an act Lanfear was putting on, it stopped us from really seeing how manipulative and obsessive Lanfear could be and was currently being. If we didn't know she was Lanfear (and non readers shouldn't) then there's no reason to realize the lengths to her manipulation. We still don't know that the man she was telling Rand about was Lews Therin. We still don't know that Lanfear even knew Lews Therin much less would want to rekindle any kind of lost romance with his reincarnation. Because even when Lanfear was being honest as Selene, she was keeping herself back. She wasn't latching onto Rand and telling him that he was hers. She was very clearly holding onto the memory of Lews Therin, but there has yet to be any clear indication that she 100% buys that Rand and Lews Therin are the same person rather than Rand just being his reincarnation.

So while Lanfear was definitely getting some joy out of sleeping with Lews Therin reborn, there is no real indication that that is what she wanted. She said she wants Lews Therin. She tells Rand she's more or less settling for him. Let's assume that was 100% honest for the moment (because I believe it mostly is to a point), I don't think that's the case after this episode. Because Mierin Eronaile suddenly got the one thing she'd always wanted:

If you watch the moments immediately before this scene and immediately after, there is a shift in how Lanfear is acting here.

Before she was very clearly putting on an act. She was playing up being afraid of Rand and didn't seem at all concerned about keeping him here. The most she does is ask him where he's going to go, and even that is said in a weird tone unless you know that she's probably going to use this information to keep tabs on him and report it/follow him herself.

But Rand does the one thing he absolutely shouldn't have done with Lanfear and told her that he loves her.

So now I think is the moment where Lanfear is willing to accept that Rand is Lews Therin. Because if Rand is Lews Therin, then Lews Therin just said that he loves her.

And her entire tone shifts here. You can see she's visibly shocked in the moment, and then smiles and flips the scene to her being afraid of him, to her reassuring him and telling him that he should have told her and telling him that he didn't do anything wrong and he was just acting in his nature. Before she was bringing up the inn and was clearly trying to make him feel bad. Now she's clearly trying to reassure him and keep him around. Absolutely manipulation but I think she didn't really need him to stay until he indicated that he loved her.

So what this means is that we now have Lanfear, who is established as being unkillable and one of the most powerful and oldest being in existence, NOW becoming obsessed with Rand al'Thor and thinking of him entirely as Lews Therin. And not only that, but now she's PISSED because he just left her and was taken away from her by Moiraine exactly when she finally had him back after thousands of years.

She finally got everything she's wanted and it was immediately taken away, and I think that's frankly terrifying, so yeah, I think I do like this reveal now actually.

[shadowscommand]

Following your posts in your opinion who (in all the cast you're free to pick) "understands" nikto? To what level? I assume different people understand him differently, depending on their history/empathy/ability to read the room etc

my immediate thought is nobody . nikto would keep so much private about himself esp his past. youd hear bits and pieces every so often but hes fuckin.. been through a lot. and hes a very Closed book. he is resilient to being understood. but i still have a lot to say abt the people i feel most likely to get him so ill put the rest of this under a read more

ghost is for sure the person who has the most similar experience to Nikto but i think if they interacted it would turn so fucking sour bc they just wouldn't get along. ghost could be compelled to at least speak with him bc he'd know of their similar situations but it just.. would not. go well at all imo. if mace and ghost were amidst repairing their relationship mace could maybe Get him bc he could see the similarities between Nikto and Ghost but then he'd be predisposed to being wary of Nikto Because of Ghost. so he'd be classic mace Cordial but distant.

bale would probably have the most insider knowledge on what happened to nikto and even a bit of who he was Before being nikto (just from being told by kamarov, getting to peak at files also). he like. obviously could not fully comprehend the horror Nikto has gone through but he would be very empathetic. they do have similar situations (severe injuries they have had to overcome to get back to work & work is where they feel the most comfortable). minotaur also can relate to his mental struggles, especially any sort of guilt he feels from things hes done while working for zakhaev (relating it to how he felt for getting bale "killed") and also struggling with alcoholism. the bale twins however are both in pretty good places rn they have their brother back. and nikto is very much into not healing and thats where they disconnect. theyd really really like to see nikto get better but they know its 1 an extremely slow process 2 something he has to actually strive for himself.

which makes rodion actually the least able to relate to nikto so all of his understanding is just. like. from his intelligence and his strong ability to empathize. hes also just naive and thinks he alone can shoulder a lot of nikto's mental struggles and help him improve. on his own. while nikto resists it. and there would be conflict there also like minotaur really, really would not enjoy seeing rodion in turmoil over nikto. and bale would be trying to give rodion advice that basically sums up to "drop it" so. they Get why nikto is the way he is but not why hes so set on staying like that. but rodion Is actually a big help for nikto. as patient as he is hes also not enjoying every time he gets screwed over so nikto is forced to improve in ways. bc he likes him.

ummm and krueger like................ krueger feeds off the negative aspects of nikto. he doesnt really like care to understand nikto apart from knowing what makes him feel certain ways (negative And positive feelings. he cant be pissing him off all the time.) he'd definitely be the most in tune with managing nikto's emotions and how hes feeling on a certain day but he also doesn't care about. everything building nikto up to be nikto. apart from just being nosy and liking to know things that nikto is trying to keep hidden. bc its fnuuy.

BUT at the end of the day nobody in the world has a 100% completely firm grasp on nikto and he just likes it that way. he likes to be able to worm his way out of relationships and how people think of him. i dont even think thats a New Nikto thing i think hes just been like that forever. bc hes combative. he has SO MUCH going on.

[penny-the-pissed-poltergeist]

This is it, RWBY volume 3 finale, The end of the beginning rewatch thoughts, RWDE/Critical opinions ahead

.The fight between Cinder and Ozpin is really cool, I just wish it lasted longer and didn't cut away from Oz losing. (Also why didn't Oz use the cane nuke he used on the whale here? Not like anyone else could get caught in the blast)

.Kinda weird that we can still see red on Yang's stump, does nobody have medical supplies to at least bandage it? I'd assume not doing that's a bad idea

.Weiss is not just going to let Ruby throw her life away like that

.Jaune is trying to let Pyrrha do that too but Pyrrha thinks she has to...

.I've decided I only like Jaune when they aren't trying to make him a main character

.And then he destroys the one thing he could use to do the one thing he was told to, god damn it

.Something tells me Cinder knew Pyrrha was coming

.I feel like both me earlier and the FNDM in general overstate how well Pyrrha did against Cinder, Don't pretend like she's not getting her shit rocked here

.The way it's cut makes it look like Pyrrha turned her back to Cinder after throwing her shield for no reason

.Pyrrha's death scene is really haunting and effective regardless of how I feel about how her death was handled afterward

.And now we get to the deus ex machina that is the first Silver Eyes activation. I KNOW they were set up before.... with one line 2/33 episodes ago without any other real hint after that if I'm remembering right? (Do correct me if I'm wrong)

.I really don't like bringing up Monty's name because a lot of the time it's either really tacky or being used a weapon against whatever side of the FNDM/HTDM you don't like, but both Silver eyes and everything to do with Raven are the two things I'm 100% sure would have been very different under Monty. I doubt he would've put in what amounts to a "skip cool fight" button.

.Also really cool how they set up a fucking awesome grimm dragon and then have it do almost nothing then half die

.The Doylist reason for the CCT working the way it does is literally just so nobody on the main cast can call Blake or Weiss post split up. I have no idea why else they would set it up that way.

.Seeing them next to each other again really shows how Ruby looks nothing like her dad, Summer might as well have reproduced via budding

.Why does Tai have to leave, personal beef or some shit?

.Qrow, how the fuck did you know that?

.Cinders trail "Leads back to Haven" sounds like a good way to get the heroes to go to the next kingdom but it's not like they do anything in regards to looking into it when they get there

.Why is Ruby so shocked by Weiss's dad taking her home, Jacques is a shitty dad but what dad wouldn't rush to get their kid out of war zone full of death monsters?

.You might try to justify the CCT thing with these line about people not trusting atlas but that doesn't really go anywhere.

.Yang reacting to... everything that happened to her is handled really well

.I really wish they didn't just skip past everyone else's reactions to Pyrrha's death and their recoveries.

.Why are RNJR going on foot? Cars and Trains and Ships all exist, why not use one of those.

.Tai can never avoid woman leaving him, can he? First both of his wives and now his daughter.

.Raven, please talk to your Daughter like a normal person

.Weiss: Why is my father 2D (Jacques hits her with his infinitely sharp hand, killing her instantly)

.On one hand, the narrator being the main villain the whole time and her whole speech goes so fucking hard, on the other... How is Salem talking to Ozpin? Was she just talking to herself here, then what was the volume 1 chapter 1 narration? Does this mean she canonically the one talking in multiple world of remnant episodes? Am I thinking about this to hard... the answer to the last one is yes.

.Holy shit... the guy called Qrow... can turn into a crow

[hazardace2]

The blood argument in deltarune is so silly. I feel like it's 100% established that monsters cannot bleed, yet humans do. Darkners can also bleed, and most lightners can't. (Most lightners in hometown being monsters) The only things that people use as evidence to contradict this is different mentions of blood. The warrior inside of ice-e's uses a lot of phrases like "I can feel it boiling in my blood" but... this doesn't actually mean they bleed??? There's books and movies with titles like "Bloodcrushers" and we know the warrior likes video games. + Susie also confirms that media for both humans and monsters exists, so humans would absolutely still use blood for their phrases and media. Another thing I've seen against the blood thing is this rabbit kid in the apartments. Who says "Are you the human who lives at the top of the town? My mommy told me about you. Does it hurt to be made out of blood?" If their mom told them about Kris, AND presumably how humans are different from monsters, why would she tell her kid that humans have blood and monsters don't??? + In the dark world before Susie and Lancer's fight with the trash machine starts, Susie says she'll "crush whoever gets in our way into dust" which confirms that monsters very much still dust??? She's also the character who uses the most amount of blood phrases, aside from Lancer, who is a darkner. Darkners bleed 100% btw. There's a hidden death animation that was originally in chapter 1, nobody found it until chapter 2. When darkners die they turn red and then disappear, the red color has to be blood since Lancer says they bleed several times over the course of chapter 1.

Lancer was told "not to make a mess" after defeating the lightners because he would've gotten blood everywhere. Ralsei doesn't correct him, which he's done before, so I'd safely assume darkners definitely CAN bleed. The only other thing that throws a wrench into this explanation is this sprite

I still do NOT understand what this is supposed to mean. I know it went unused but still, I have to wonder why it was left in, and why it was so well animated when it was ultimately wrong? I've seen some people say they could've changed the red to gray to make it look like dust and the sprite could've easily been fixed and therefore used, but ??? clearly this is supposed to mean something!! :) what does it mean??? I have no clue!!!!!!!

[withered--s0uls]

What are V and J's reactions to Cyn?

Assuming this is for the Dormant Absolute Solver AU soo

V:

I just skimmed through the wip of the Ep6 re write I started for the DAS AU and

I actually didn't have V acknowledge her until they arrive above the labs, where V gestures at Cyn and asks if they're just going to take the child down there too (will need to go back and squeeze in some V reaction a little bit. The AU POV is Cyn and N centric with sometimes Uzi pov tho)

She honestly wouldn't trust her, seeing as she already doesn't trust Tessa during Ep6, I think bringing Cyn along would make it far more suspicious for V - like "how did you know the AS moved to this planet specifically? What do you mean Cyn doesnt remember major parts of what happened?" etc

She basically just finds the whole thing very suspicious, but they don't get much time to interact during the Ep6 plot due to Cyn sticking to N as if they're glued by the hip meaning Cyn is separated from V and Uzi and instead is with N and Tessa for most of the time before V sacrifices herself

J:

With EP 7 dropping I'm still re writing parts of J and Tessa's relationship with Cyn but I can give the different concepts for J? I need to wait until Ep8 to confirm whether or not J knows about the whole Tessa situation

Under Cut Due to Episode 7 Spoilers

Regardless of the situation, J has "respawned" after Tessa died. Doesn't matter which of the AS, Cyn & Tessa situation I settle on out of the ones I have so far

Option 1:

J knows about the AS taking over Tessa and therefore knows of its plan to use Cyn as a tool to manipulate N

The AS was in contact with her, we do know that. Whether she knew it wasn't the company or not is up in the air (or the company is being controlled by the AS too bc "Tessas" Name Tag hm) -- if she knows it's the AS then she already knew about Cyn being there and wouldnt react much. [[If she doesn't know and thinks its actually the company, she might have gone into a defense (see her "prior hazard" reaction to the railgun) before "Tessa"/The AS calms her down -- however this wouldnt be in the version where she knows of Tessas death]]

She has no opinion on Cyn. Similarly to how she seemingly doesn't care for N really; she sees her as defect and will gladly take the opportunity of getting rid of her and possibly N too

Sorry J likers, I interpret her situation with N as her being abusive towards him, and seeing as this AU is Cyn and N centric that kinda puts J into a bad light in this AU bc its told from her victims POVs

Option 2:

J doesn't know about the AS controlling Tessa, genuinely believing it's her which results in her not knowing about Cyn

This would be the version where she doesn't know that it wasn't the company who sent her the missions

100% tried attacking Cyn when first meeting her, only to be stopped by "Tessa"/The AS

Shes kinda really weirded out that "Tessa" would keep Cyn around, let alone keep her safe from being disassembled and disposed of. Not to mention bringing her to Copper-9

Js is a HUGE WIP -- I'll need to wait if we get more info on Js situation and knowledge with and about the AS and company to properly set something up

[gabriellerudessa]

What were Moldaver and her group's position with the New California Republic? Sure, they fly NCR flags over their base at the Observatory, and the refugees in Vault 4 who worship her also carried NCR memorabilia with them (like the flag Lucy finds in the classroom), but at the same time, there's always the possibility they weren't really acting on the part of the NCR. There's a pretty clear contrast between the NCR soldiers we've seen in Season 2 set leaks vs. what Moldaver's group had. While her method of extracting Hank MacLean from Vault 33 doesn't seem like something that the NCR would do.

My guess is that maybe they were meant to be a ragtag militia of sorts born from the survivors of Shady Sands. One that Moldaver had to form because brass like General Oliver and Col. Moore wouldn't authorize a retribution campaign against Vault 33.

I think it goes a bit deeper than just ragtag militia.

First: In episode 5 credits, it's shown a book "The New California Republic by Kate Williams", published in 2189!!!! (I hadn't noticed the year before, just now!) We KNOW that Moldaver before used the name Williams, however we don't know her first name, nor how she reached the present. I could see Moldaver having her own cryopod and sleeping and waking up for periods, maybe trying to find and develop the Cold Fusion, and then going frozen again. If she was like this mythical figure that appeared and disappeared, and maybe solved things, it would help explain WHY the survivors in Vault 4 call her Flame Mother and claim for ther to avenge Shady Sands, she ended up becaming this mythical figure that appears when SS is in trouble. Still, now she uses the name Lee Moldaver and is known by lots of people as "crazy woman from the mountains/hills" (something the Vault 4 survivors don't seem to know or would've gone there, so her setting up there is almost 100% after the bombing), but we don't know since when she uses this name.

Second: We know she wasn't in Shady Sands when it blew up, and we know there was a time between Hank taking the kids and blowing the city, and STILL something in how she explains the happening in episode 8 feels as if a lot of guesswork? I'm wondering now if she wasn't away for something like years, possibly leaving while the kids were still around and returning after hearing about the bombing, and assumed that Hank taking the kids and bombing the city was done in a single go, instead of the kids being taken in 2277 and the city bombed some year after 2281. I could see this being the case if she was trying to discover about the cold fusion - maybe heard the Enclave had got its hands on it and was trying to discover it? Maybe discovered a Vault where it was supposed to be but when arrived there it had already been ransacked by the Enclave? Maybe, with Rose's presence and Moldaver hearing about Hank Maclean, she noticed she had a CHANCE, if she knew she needed a Vault Tec employee: she knew for a fact now that probably there would be a whole Vault full of those for her to unlock the cold fusion if she got her hands on it, with a Vault-Dweller to open the door, and this may be what prompted her to leave.

This would explain how she and Wilzig first met, and why he did what he did and knew to get the tech to her - heck, Wilzig may be someone that infiltrated the Enclave on Moldaver's orders to find the tech, it would ALSO EXPLAIN HOW HE KNEW ABOUT VAULT 33 AND LUCY'S LAST NAME, Moldaver would've heard from Rose and told him. I mean, we really haven't met an Enclave born-person that wasn't rabid about the organization, afair.

If that's the case, that Moldaver spent years away and returned after Shady Sands, it would also explain why her men are so different from the leaked pictures and how different they behave and how they clearly had no qualms about recruiting Raiders to distract and attack the Vault-Dwellers while she got what she wanted. Also, the Observatory specifically has a "NCR Headquarters" plaque, but it could very well be abandoned by the time she arrived. In this case, well, I can see that she and the others left under the orders of finding the Cold-Fusion and never even got in contact with the rest of the NCR upon return after the bombing, just got to work setting up the Observatory to receive the Cold Fusion, knowing that Vault 31 would have a VT employee.

All this is really something I thought about now, so it all may be a bit disorganized, and it's really making me think more about the time between taking the kids away and bombing Shady Sands.

There has been this floating theory in my mind that Hank managed to drag Rose back with the kids to the Vault, but kept her locked away and for all effects "dead" for years, probably trying to break her and make her a compliant Vault-Dweller again, but eventually she managed to escape alone... And Hank bombed Shady Sands, both as punishment to her and to make sure she would have no help or way to get the kids and, hopefully, killing her. This would explain: the time between getting kids and bombing the city and, if Moldaver away for years, why she thought the two things happened together and Rose never got into contact with her about what happened or never attempted to take her kids back - I refuse to admit that Rose just remained something like 5 years in the surface, possibly with Moldaver, and didn't try to take Norm and Lucy back or outright invading the Vaults, since we KNOW her Pip-Boy still was able to open the Blast Doors.

I don't know, Hank does strike me as the type to keep a wife in the attic/basement.

[dippedinmelancholy]

Sometimes I just want to read smut for smuts sake, so I pick up a book that people are saying is good, and I am, as usual, just left either going “meh” or “please write something where I don’t despise the FMC”

Kiss of the Basilisk was fine. I’d give it 2 or 3 stars probably. The writing itself, the prose, the grammar, very decent, no complaints.

The FMC? like no character traits beyond “is stubborn, will not accept literally anyone telling her what to do. Wants the two men to only want her, gets jealous over any information that they might have fucked someone else, but wants to fuck them both with no consequences” she is constantly fine with lying to both of the male love interests, yet expects complete and open honesty from them, even for things she hasn’t asked about, she just expects them to tell her.

Ona scale of annoying, she’s probably a 4/10

The “perfect” basilisk love interest was just like, really boring? Like insert any male model, no true defining character traits, physical or personality, other than like, worshipping the FMC. He knows like two sex positions, which seems odd since he’s supposed to be the epitome of sexuality.

The secondary love interest, the human prince, is 100% more interesting but clearly never truly an option. Temperance never gives him any grace, assumes the absolute worst of him (you know him the human not the literal monster that can turn her to stone or make her a slave) and then is upset when he’s not perfect with her. She claims to love him, yet doesn’t treat him with even a crumb of kindness and openness that she gives the basilisk.

The entire premise of “there was a war between the basilisk and the humans and a truce was called and the basilisk have been abused ever since” doesn’t really make sense because no weakness of the basilisks is ever given? Like no detail about how the humans could have ever gotten a hand over these monsters. Temperance is repeatedly told and shown that basilisks are predators and humans are their prey, and they feed on humans in a way that is borderline rape, and yet the whole time she’s going “humans vile, poor baby snakes! Must defend!”

The book promised to have sex so kinky I would question myself when it was over. The most taboo thing is like, fucking her lover’s dad? But again it’s like, she’s on top, he’s not even touching her. The most erotic scene wasn’t even IN THE BOOK. It was a bonus chapter that explicitly starts with THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE PLOT, THIS IS FANFIC FOR MY OWN BOOK.

Idk guys, I just really wasn’t impressed. There was a lot of her riding dudes and giving blowjobs and expecting people to worship her and do whatever the fuck she wants, but having wholly different expectations for them.

Her getting railed with a dick so big it broke her pelvis was super weird. Like, not a single blindfold, paddle, or candle in sight, just straight to broken pelvic. She did describe a cock as “pretentious”, and I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck that even means, how can an unthinking piece of flesh be pretentious? Can my tits become pretentious?

I’m pretty much over the “girl boss” wave of FMCs who just don’t understand what no or laws mean, who don’t hold a single crumb of respect for a single other person alive. Can we just have well rounded women again? Not this weird wave of “see ima. Feminist because the main character does whatever the fuck she wants with no consequences! Girl boss go!”

Give me the prince with the gold fangs, I will fuck him. Also there’s a concerning lack of monster fucking? They’re all in human form.

Anyways I’ll take book recs if anyone has them.

[regal-rosebuds]

Is there a way to tell if it's safe to tell someone you agere?

I really wish I could tell my friend I agere to explain why I can't respond to things sometimes, but I:

1: Don't know if they know what agere is

2: Don't want to feel like I'm implying they take care of me/don't want to feel like I'm pushing anything on them

3: scared that they might react poorly (I have no rational reason to assume this, they're the most amazing friend ever, and our friendship thrives off how understanding we are of eachother but I'd hate to be wrong)

Is there a correct time to bring it up? A certain way I do it?

ꔫTelling Others You Regress Pt. 2

ꔫThere's no way to 100% know for sure, unless they bring it up somehow (i.e. them asking if you do or them bringing up that another friend does)! ꔫI'm actually going to start with your third bullet and work backwards! It sounds like you don't have any reason to worry at all, although I understand why you may be anxious. A good way to gauge their feelings on the topic would be by talking about "childish" things around them and seeing their reaction. (ex. "I want to get a new stuffed animal, what do you think about this one?" "I miss playing with this toy as a kid it was so fun!") Given that they don't react harshly to things like this, I don't see a reason they may react "poorly"! ꔫFor the "Implying they take care of me/pushing anything on them", that's actually really simple! You would just have to let them know that! A very basic way of clearing this up would be by saying "I don't expect you to take care of me, or even interact with me, while I'm regressed; I just wanted to tell you."

ꔫIf they don't know what agere is, but you trust that they won't react poorly, the best thing to do is explain it while you are in a big and calm mental state! When I told my partner, whom I did not meet in the community and had no reason to believe would know about it, he actually informed me that he had done a school project on it in the past -- that made it a lot easier for him to understand! I opened by asking him if he had ever heard of it. My best suggestions are:

Send a post/article/etc. detailing what agere is, then explaining further if there was any things about your experience that differ from it! Or

Come up with your best explanation, so it feels more personal! (Even a simple one like "sometimes I, mentally, am more of a child than my age and I like to watch cartoons, color, etc. like we did as kids).

A combination of the two also works!

ꔫIn regards to the time and way to do that, that's more individual -- depending on you two and the relationship you have! However, I'd say that some general things to keep in mind are:

both of you being in a good mental state

no threat of you regressing in the middle of the conversation

letting them know you need to talk about something serious/important to you

ꔫWhether this is delivered in a text, call, etc. is completely up to you!

ꔫI wish you the best of luck, you got this! If you have any more questions that are more specific to your situation, my dms are open! I hope it goes well, keep me updated!

[leefi]

TFTBN Read-through | Part 3: Chapters 22-34

Part 1: 1-14 | Part 2: 14-22 | Part 3: 22-34 | Part 4: 34-64 | Part 5: 64-80 | Part 6: 81-90 | Part 7: 90-100 | Part 8: 100-127 (caught up here)

I was flipping through the pages, looking for interesting parts, when a sheet of parchment suddenly came loose from another section much deeper into the book. Unlike the rest, the material looked new, probably only replicated in the last year or two.

Curious, I lifted it up, and folded it open. To my surprise, the text was dark red, and said--

YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER

DO NOT TRUST ANY WITHIN THE INNER CIRCLE

FIND THE ARCHIVE ON THE TOP FLOOR OF THE MAIN BUILDING

REMEMBER YOUR OATH ⬇️ SHES GONNA GET MURDEREDDDDDDD WOOHOOOOOOO SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP SWEEP

actually I wonder if Theodoros chan’s gonna get murdered actually. Son of a high-ranking member, asked Su to go to his room last night in front of everyone, was walking around alone with Su and Bardiya and milf mentor. Su would be the prime suspect with only Ran to vouch for her.

He was a young man, though not resembling of the others in our class. He had ear length, light brown hair, a light-bronze complexion, and quite delicate-looking features... Yet they somehow didn't come across as immature. In fact, he was surprisingly good looking, to the point that there was something reminiscent of a statue in his appearance. ⬇️ LUKA???????? Oh my god this guy acts exactly like Luka too Su said he was looking at her funny...does he recognize her, but she doesn't recognize him? I know a luka when i SEE ONE. THAT BOY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON. HE IS A LOOPER LIKE SU!!!

or maybe he's just silly idk!!! hehe

but why does he seem to remember/recognize her and she doesn't? does it have something to do with her request in the first chapter??? did she REQUEST TO FORGET??? how could u leave ur looping bestie like that wtf su that's so mean did he leave the note for her? he wasn't at the dinner!! maybe he slipped it into the book and knew she would read it then! hmmm but the note could have also been placed there long before they met and that wouldn't really explain the timestamp on when it was written...what was it 1-2 years ago? i guess not. omgggg iim so excited to see more of him i hope he doesnt die in five minutes ill be so sad forever

Falafel, pita bread with various stuffings, steak and egg porridge, cheese salad; high quality Ysaran food, all well prepared by Yantho, SWANA CUISINE SWEEPING THE NATION I still remember the shakshuka and lahmebajeen from ran and su’s lunch

I feel like kam has a crush on su and has no idea how to contextualize it beyond an academic rivalry — su is hopelessly in love with ran and completely unaware of the fact that she is — ran holds a dislike for su for some reason, but still cares for her. her feelings seem extremely complicated.

The ransu(? no names given but assuming) childhood scene on the beach omg…that was cute oh noooo 😭 ok they did get my ass with that one.

hmm idk if that was ransu because the other girl's personality was very different from ran's. but also this could have been long enough ago that ran's personality has drastically changed since then

Big brother is very good at his role! Sekhmet said. Unfortunately, he is also extremely stupid. He can only really think about the things he has been told to do. I have seen him try to think about other things, and it is slow and bad and embarrassing for everyone. ⬇️ Kindest younger sibling interaction

Ok here’s my death prediction list 1. Utsu (botched - she’s meant to be killed but someone dies in her place) 2. milf mentor 3. Theo 4. Another inner circle member/staff (probably a combination with 1+2) Regrettably I think kam is going to live forever

I’ve disagreed with kam on literally everything so far but especially this aversion she has towards solving a problem she won’t get to benefit from (“let us be the last”). She’s so…childish? It’s a very childish point of view.

this adherence to gender a lot of characters hold really surprises me...i figure this far out in the future everyone would be a lot more fluid!!! what's with this obsession with antiquity (@ the characters/setting not lurina)

What I also don’t understand is why humanity didn’t just clone from the original 10k then continue having children biologically (or like test tubeically. ykwim). Are 10k humans enough to avoid a genetic bottleneck? whats the minimum viable population size for humans I’m not a biologist

Ok according to one article the number is 98. That is too low. who said that. lets kill him Another says 14,000 ok if you average those two guys out you get 7k 🙄 they’re fine. assuming good genetic diversity from the source group you probably wouldn’t even need to monitor for inbreeding. Why are they doing this complicated shit and causing mental prolapse.

THAT BRINGS ME BACK TO THE POINT ABOUT THE CLONES TOOOOO CLEARLY THEY HAVE THE TECH TO MAKE VIABLE CLONES WITH A CLOSED & SAFE SOURCE SUPPLY WHY ARE YOU WORKING AGAINST BIOLOGY…UR EFFORTS WOULD BE BETTER SPENT DEVELOPING A WAY TO TRANSFER HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS FROM ONE BODY TO ANOTHER RATHER THAN MAINTAIN AN AGING BODY!!!!

Hmmm. Actually I wonder if Su’s grandpa had a similar idea. Considering the weird identity thing she has going on. Nothing to explicitly suggest this yet i think? just somethign to keep in mind considering he was voted off the polycule

I also wonder if that was related to the conversation regarding the Phoenix and the Dragon. maybe transfer of consciousness leads to loss of memory? But that wouldn’t make sense if the tech was perfect, everything would move over, leaving the old body a blank slate…what would that do to a brain, psychologically, seeing one’s former body in a dead state? also what would it do to an empty brain to suddenly be inhabited by foreign electrical synapses harboring thousands of memories preferences likes/dislikes etc. would it fight back/resist?

Im thinking back to those scratches on the wall in the kitchen. Obviously super freaky shit like 10 chapters ago but we had no context to it (we still don’t) so it was like whoops! There’s that. lol. Couple things: - did someone bake the missing chef into 🤔 a roast? - those tally marks may have been the missing chef’s and she was trapped in that room for years (thousands of marks, I think they said. Denoting days, maybe?) and then she died - But that doesn’t explain the distinct lack of skeleton in the room. Or in the roast - who would have it out for the chef - why - Hmmmm - You guys ever read that short story in high school english about the lady with the rack of lamb and the officers

Anyways that chef is definitely deads. In the kitchen? Probably not. In their tummies? Noooo (<- secretly hoping yes). Floating in the abandoned plane ocean? Yassss

Lurina is AMAZING at dropping really disturbing nuggets in the middle of a passage then distracting the characters/keeping things going. I just wish I was more engaged with the pacing :(

Good heavens," Kam exclaimed. "Are these guns?" They were, and in no small number. I could see at least fifteen rifles and ten pistols, and they weren't antiques. They looked like refractor weapons, the bronze still carrying the vivid sheen of recent production ⬇️ If this story turns into a COD lobby in the next 5 minutes im reading it forever

WTF DEAD CHEF SWEEP

Ok I have to put a bookmark on where I am in the story so far. Chapter 33! I will continue to read through it slowly but am done with the reactions for now :) bye byeeeeee

[pantherlover]

An Artificial Night Re-Read: Part 2

Hello again! Welcome to part 2.

Chapter Four:

I want to know how Cait Sidhe royalty works sooooo badly (Is it explained more in depth in Seanan McGuire's patreon stories? I still need to read those). Only certain Cait Sidhe seem to be able to be royalty; Tybalt says Raj is the first royal to be born in his Court in 60 years, and only one of Jolgier's daughters was strong enough to be a Princess. So there seems to be a certain threshold of magic that Cait Sidhe royalty needs. What do they need it for? I thiiiiiiiiiiink I remember Tybalt mentioning something about Kings and Queens being directly connected to the Shadow Roads, but I'm not 100% sure about that. Are they also responsible for anchoring their Courts to different physical spaces?

Something I'm curious about: Tybalt's old enough to have lived through at least one Ride, possibly several. I'm pretty sure he would've been a King of Cats during it too. Why doesn't Tybalt wonder if this was Blind Michael's Ride? Especially after he hears some of the Brown kids are missing too.

Lily's knowe sounds so pretty.

I know I've already said this, but I'm still holding out hope that Lily will come back - both because I love her (she was definitely one of the people most effective at calling Toby out), and because we still don't know anything about why she came to San Francisco/her relationship with Amandine. Given what we know about Amandine now, their relationship gets more and more confusing.

Chapter Five:

I think it's interesting that Lily changes Toby's clothes like the false Queen does, although a) she only does it after she's healed Toby and b) she does keep Toby's original clothes instead of transforming them.

At first I thought Toby was missing the *very* obvious by not realizing that Luna was who Lily was referring to when she said 'ask the moon'... and then I remembered that not everyone had a Sailor Moon fixation that gave them an instant (an permanent) association between 'Luna' and 'moon', and maybe it wasn't that obvious to everyone.

I'm very curious about how Lily's clairvoyance(?) works. When she told Toby to talk to Luna, I assumed she knew that Blind Michael was behind the disappearances. But then she hears that the smell of candle wax was left behind/saw the Roads in her tea leaves and was so shaken that she dropped her cup. Is she only aware of the general path that Toby needs to take, not the specifics? (I am also very curious about what/why Lily isn't allowed to talk about certain things.)

'I can't stand other people throwing my illusions on for me. It makes my ears itch.' I'm pretty sure this is hinting at how sensitive Toby is to magic.

I will give it to Tybalt this time; it wasn't really an unfair assumption that Toby wouldn't mind him avoiding her given that she keeps insisting that she wants him to leave her alone. (He doesn't get off that easy the other times he avoids her though.)

And even though she's still kind of mad at him, Tybalt's still the first person Toby trusts to tell about her Fetch!

Chapter Six:

Okay, so it is just the purebloods who send their kids to high school. That must really suck for changelings.

'I paused, amazement overwhelming my annoyance. "Etienne, is that you?" "Oh, blast. Hello, Toby," he said, wearily. "Please don't start." "Was the phone in danger? Did they have to get a big, brave knight to guard it?"' Is this the first time we meet Etienne in the books? He's been mentioned before but I don't think we've seen him on screen. The more I re-read the more I kind of want prequel stories? Pre-series Etienne and Toby must've been hilarious.

This book, even more than A Local Habitation, demonstrates that Toby didn't corrupt Quentin; he's just Like That. Getting shot could/should have been a wake-up call for him about how potentially dangerous associating with Toby could be - instead, he's *very* upset that she won't bring him along to investigate a situation that's starting out even more dangerous than the last investigation he helped her with. (I know that it would've been really bad in the long run, but can you IMAGINE if Eira had gotten her wish to have the Crown Prince of the Westlands under her thumb - and it turned out that he's just Toby without the healing powers to get him out of messes? He would be SUCH a headache for her.)

'[Luna's] laughter died, taking the light in her eyes with it. "I rather thought you might," she said, quietly. "I'd hoped that someone else would... but it's no matter. Come along." This is the moment that Luna accepts she's going to send Toby to die, right? She'd hoped someone else would show up on a fool's quest to stop her father, but it doesn't really change anything for her that it's Toby instead. (By the way if you haven't seen it before you should definitely read this meta on Luna and then go through @words-writ-in-starlight entire Toby Daye tag they have the BEST thoughts)

That's it for this part! As always please feel free to talk to me about stuff. See you next time!

[misty-caligula]

The thing about Walter and Misty is that they’re nothing alike.

I know I know but bear with me here. (I’m mostly making this for the non-Misty-coded audience, I’m just assuming that every Misty-coded nerd probably knows what I’m talking about already)

The show’s doing a great job of trying to make them look like twins, soulmates. But you have to understand they’re not.

They’re... Jeff and Shauna.

We know TONS about Shauna, we know intricate details about her childhood, her point of view on life and love, the inner workings of her mind. And we know very little about Jeff. He’s ... not to be mean, he’s normie-coded. And so unlike Shauna, he doesn’t need as much explanation, a lot of his character is assumed, and we only need explicit explanation about the stuff that’s out of the ordinary. Right?

Right.

So Jeff sees Shauna and thinks he has a certain amount of connection to her, but he only knows... a part of her. Even he sees that her reality is vastly different to his own, that there’s a gulf there he cannot cross, only hope that she’ll see him through. They’re superficially similar, they have superficially converging interests and priorities, but there’s a whole world of context they do not, and can not, share. It may well destroy them.

Walter and Misty are the same. They’re visually very similar. They talk similarly, they move and act and interact with the world similarly. And that’s where it ENDS.

Their priorities are almost completely unaligned. They have incredibly shallowly similar interests. They BARELY know each other. They’ve interacted a couple of times over a couple of days. Now we, as an audience, have SO much context on Misty. She might come off as a wild card but she’s actually very consistent. She stands up for her friends, she’s incredibly loyal, she’s pragmatic and goes 110% every time, she’s emotionally compromised, esp as a teen, but she’s genuinely always (ALWAYS) trying to help. She might get caught up in the moment, but she’d never betray those who matter to her. Critically, her time in the wilderness pushed her, tested her, tempered her. She’s TOUGH.

Walter? Who’s Walter? Literally we do not know. Tell me something non-superficial about him. Tell me his world view. 

He’s bored. He’s capricious. He’s morally flexible. He’s wealthy but seems largely uninterested in material possessions except where they’re useful (crappy car, big empty house, but he likes his extravagant puzzle). He’s not connected to anyone (left Misty when she told him to without complaint, expected her to abandon Nat at the cult compound without question). Interested in puzzles.

Sees himself as Moriarty.

To me this is a jumbled mess. He’s a 500 piece puzzle and we’ve got 5 of them. See the thing about Misty is that if you stopped watching yj on episode 2 the view of Misty you’d get, the superficial one, would be NOTHING like the fuller and complex one that we have now. Walter’s got a lot going on underneath, and it’s just a blank wall. This is why he’s a genuine wild card to me. He might be trying to help the jackets, he might be betraying them, he might be ... a secret third thing. Or a fourth. I can’t get a grip on the guy. And I 100% do not trust him...

[cedricdiggs]

controversial opinion but,

boris is not a very good person. he’s not even a very good friend to theo. like of course there were sweet moments between the two, (him being there when theo had nightmares, etc.) and i understand if you haven’t read the books why you might like him, but because the time that theo was a teenager was so short lived in the movie, we didn’t get a chance to see their relationship develop. like as noted in the first chapter of the book, theo was so against smoking as was his mom. so you can only assume that boris peer pressured him. but it’s also the fact that (this may not be accurate) since theos dad was an alcoholic, the last thing i would want to do is drink alcohol. i noticed throughout the book that theo is 100% a people pleaser. so i can only think that the reason he’s doing these thing is so he doesn’t make boris feel bad or for whatever reason he may feel. i also noticed that in the book as his relationship with boris developed, the way he thought/the way he viewed life changed pretty drastically, much less detailed, much more angered/aggressive, (but his dad probably also played into that)

i remember when kotku came along, 1. boris like immediately started ditching theo (which i’ll get into in a sec) and 2. the way theo thought was definitely different, it was much more detailed and you could tell as theo was thinking back on their relationship there were definitely things he didn’t like. now this was referring to the hooking up, but it’s still something to think about and that is, “i wanted to tell him where i drew the line” (not a direct quote, but it was something like that) also him saying “i told myself i didn’t miss him, but i did.” makes me think of the fact that he knows the things they’re doing is wrong/he doesn’t want to do them.

When Boris and Kotku started dating it was so obvious that Boris can leave Theo for anyone with the snap of a finger if that makes sense, now i understand that they were dating but before Boris’ world consisted of just him and Theo, always prioritizing him, but now it was just him and Kotku, I also understand that he did invite Theo to hang out with them sometimes, but i dislike the fact that Boris completely ignored the fact that Theo was clearly uncomfortable around her. I know this sounds so like argh annoying i guess and i don’t mean to be one of “those” fans who criticize everything, but dear lord i hate how people are romantacizing/idolizing boris and how he acts.

It’s also the way he guilt trips Theo (maybe knowingly, maybe not) and again i don’t mean to be one of “those” fans, but it’s the way he’s like “you don’t want me to get in trouble do you.” “i’m literally going to kill myself.” i dunno it just feels like Boris taking advantage of Theo.

Final thing; i feel like the only reason Theo sticks by Boris is because he knows that Boris will always stick to the same routine, because if you have read the book and you noticed that when his mom died Theo lost all sense of a routine which in my opinion, made Theo feel like everything is falling apart (of course it was but for this i mean in the way of the way he lives not being the same everyday.) The routine consists of them getting high and/or drunk > goofing off > falling asleep (or hooking up 🤗🥲🫶) > throwing up in the morning > being hungover. It seems like it happens everyday, and even though it’s very self destructive it gives something for Theo to hold onto.

To me it just feels wrong that people love someone who’s sort of manipulative and someone who just has so many red flags, i’m not saying theos the best character ever either though (even though i love him with my whole heart,) because he’s the one who said yes when he could’ve said no, he never had to become friends with boris in the first place, but it still feels like boris isn’t great. (HUGE DISCLAIMER; THIS IS JUST MY OPINION YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE AT ALL, DONT COME AT ME MAN)

[ssavanessa22]

Birthday Girl

Summary: after a long day of celebrating your birthday you and Spencer reflect on the future

Warnings: pregnancy

Paring: Spencer x pregnant! Fem! Reader

A/n: happy birthday @makailaa your ask for swallowed by tumblr but I hope you had a wonderful day and I hope you like this and a massive shout out to @boldlyvoid for being my beta and really helping me with this fic go read her fics guys they are an incredible writer. And I’m 5 away from 100 followers so please follow you won’t regret it :)

He was never really a fan of birthdays; after William left and it was just him and Diana, he never had time to celebrate like how a normal kid would. He was busy taking care of his mother. He was never around his peers much growing up, never having the typical experience that the average american child would. As he got older the fewer people he had to celebrate being on this earth for another 365 days.

“You could say he hated his birthday. Well, he hated it until he had someone to celebrate it with, and now that person just so happened to be you.”

Not only did you give him a new lease on life, you made him want to celebrate things like birthdays again just so he could see your face beam with happiness and surprise whenever he did something for you. All the stress of finding something for you was worth it for him because he knew every year after your birthday, like clockwork, you would call your mother 10 pm on the dot and spend a good half hour telling her how your birthday was; what spencer and your friends got you for your birthday, and how much you were loved.

And like clockwork after your phone call with your mother where you would always promise that you and spencer would come visit soon and an araye of I love you’s, you left the living room at 11:30pm and made your way to your bed to spend the last 30 minutes of your birthday with the man you love

You were a bit worried that Spencer would already be asleep; between working at the bau, grading papers and helping Derek renovate the new house you were going to move into, he had a lot on his plate. But as you got into playing with his hair, his body facing away from you, he turned around and rubbed his nose against yours “how was your yearly birthday conversation this time, love?”

“I didn't know you were still awake? I thought you had gone to bed?”

He feigned a joking look of betrayal and shock “me going bed without pillow talk with the birthday girl? That would be blasphemy, how do you think so low of me?”

“Okay , I am sorry that I would assume. In my defence, however, you have been falling asleep on me without pillow talk for the last 2 weeks so...”

slotting himself into your neck, he replied, “that’s different, baby, because all those days weren’t your birthday. Your birthday is a special day.”

“oh, okay ,well that makes a lot more sense now thanks you for explaining, and thank you for today this has been the best birthday ever, and me and mum just spoke about you know usual”

“Did you tell her about-''

“no, god no, I think if I told my mother that we were pregnant over the phone and not in person she would kill me and then you. we’ll tell her when we visit in two weeks” he left a flurry of kisses as he began rubbing his hand over your small baby bump.

“yeah probably for the best she would have burst your eardrum through the phone with how loud her reactions would have been”

“I love you and I love our little nugget and I love our life so much.”

he starts laughing into your neck he questions,”nugget? You have named our unborn child nugget?”

“I just poured my heart out to you and that’s all you're gonna take away from what I said is nugget.”

even though he was still laughing he answered “no, no, i was listening to the other stuff as well i just was blindsided by the name nugget, but I love you, too, and I love our life and I love nugget so much. Happy birthday, my love.”

“I love you, baby, thank you for the best birthday ever.”

As you turned to face away from him so he could be the big spoon his hand landed on your small bump slowly rubbing it up and down thinking about how his view on birthdays had changed so much since being with and having the love and support he desperately needed when he was younger, again thinking about how he would have another birthday to be just as excited for he lowered his face to be level with the small bump in your belly.

“Hey, little nugget, your mummy and daddy love you very much and would do anything for you, anything, and every birthday we will get you anything you want, and we will love you and support you no matter who you become. Your mummy is obsessed with birthdays, so even though I’m not well versed in them, you will always have the best day possible.”

Groggily you interrupted Spencer “don’t think I haven’t already planned your birthday extravaganza Spencer, ” poking your belly, “you too nugget birthdays 1 to 6 are gonna be bangers!”

Spencer Reid taglist 🏷

@idonotexiste

Don’t forget to like and reblog and send and ask or message to be added to my taglist

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation. 

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1. 

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.  

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?  

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore.  Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

 ***

 After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

 “Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.  

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.  

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.  

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.