#and tragically i am not able to include all the many many things i love

[crehador]

TOP 5 ANIME OPS and TOP 5 ANIME EDS EVER

ANOTHER... DIFFICULT...... this one bc i have like. no memories lol

so!! i will list the ones i remember first that i love a lot and/or mean a lot to me

also this got long so it's going under a cut

TOP 5 OPS

1) asterisk - orange range - bleach op 1

sorry i'm a bleach fuckboi. as if it's my fault. honestly the song is still awesome to me and it was so formative to me that nothing is going to take it down from number one on this list. ever lmao

2) jikai yokoku - tatsuya kitani - sentai daishikkaku op

OK I KNOW I JUST MET U BUT HIIIIII I LOV U honestly. honestly!! like you get it at this point i have talked about this enough but i am OBSESSED with this op

i love the song! but it isn't just about the song!! the visuals are so so so good and compelling, there are themes! there is a narrative! right in the op!

it's just. i'm. well. you all get it by now. it's phenomenal

3) kaen (fire) - ziyoou-vachi (queen bee) - dororo op 1

ok ok ok so for most of these i'm trying to link the actual anime op because typically the visuals are very important! but this one i can't resist linking the whole song because it's FIRE (LITERALLY. IT'S THE NAME OF THE SONG)

this was the first dororo op and hoooly shit. beautiful. it was also my first real dive into queen bee as a band, and i've been so into them ever since. every single queen bee anime op and ed deserves to be on this list but i will do my best to limit myself to only one or they would just. they would just be the whole list

also recommended: literally every other queen bee track pls. they're incredible

4) song of the dead - kana-boon - zom100 op

honorary shoutout to the sarazanmai op which is also by kana-boon! that is the one i considered putting on this list first before i remembered phew. no. alas. i have to give it to another kana-boon op

i just loved this to bits. the energy the motion and the music, all of it! i'm sure there's like some recency bias here but as of right now this definitely makes the cut

5) I AM CHOOSING TWO FOR THIS ONE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BE SEPARATED

[please imagine i have inserted both noragami ops here. i had them both in before i realized there's a 10 video per post limit. so. tragically. i had to take one out. but just close your eyes and pretend it's here. also go to youtube and watch it again. it's good for you. it's enrichment. anyway. let's move on]

SELF-EXPLANATORY. THEY'RE BOTH GOOD.

TOP 5 EDS

1) stand by me - the peggies - sarazanmai ed

so sarazanmai does make it onto the post after all lol

i really like this track! and the mixed... mixed medium? visuals? not sure how to describe it but they're beautiful to me. also it really fucked me up when in that one episode where [redacted] they [redacted] in the ed ads;flkajdklfj

i shan't say more

2) yofukashi no uta - creepy nuts - yofukashi no uta ed

in all honesty i think i like the yofukashi no uta op (daten also by creepy nuts) a tiny bit more than the ed but i love them both!!

but man i just love how all this happened like. the mangaka was so inspired by this song yofukashi no uta that he named his manga after it and when his manga was made into an anime the song itself became the ed. how perfect is that??

also creepy nuts. love creepy nuts. and actually now that i'm listening to them both again idk if i do like daten more like yofukashi no uta. god they're both so good. i can't choose lmao

3) seikai wa iranai - nanawo akari - sentai daishikkaku ed

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT THE ED MAKES IT ONTO THE LIST TOO!! IT'S JUST THAT GOOD!!! again yes of course i'm aware there's some recency bias at play here but really. really. it's good

4) antinomy - amazarashi - nier ed

ue ue ue i love this song. so much. amazarashi does it again. visuals are very good as well of course!! but it's like. definitely the song that takes this for me

5) my nonfiction - furukawa makoto & kohara konomi - kaguya-sama s3 ed (special)

ok i don't know if this even. technically counts. because it's not the "main" ed of the season, it was only played at the end of one episode but holy shit. holy fucking shit

the first time i heard and saw this it blew my mind and then i heard (if i'm remembering correctly) AND 18-YEAR-OLD ANIMATED THIS? ALL OF THIS?? ALONE???

incredible. i'm speechless. had this on repeat for so long after it first aired it truly deserves to be here

[sheryl-lee]

yellowjackets rant time :)

people whining that natalie’s death was “shitty writing” makes me want to bang my head against the wall. like are you seriously shocked that the show about tragedy and murder has tragedy and murder in it. are you seriously shocked that the show about fucked up people has fucked up people in it.

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 98: An Explosion

Let's start with the most important thing and we'll go from there. Ready? This panel:

Blink and you'll miss that insignificant comment from someone we don't even know their name. Nevertheless, given the implications of Project Apple, this panel is huge! Because, even if back then it was just a rumor, there's a chance it could also be true. Project Apple could have started during the first conflict. This leads me to the following theory:

Anya's biological parents were prisoners of war.

The story about Twilight as a soldier, Martha and Henry, as well as Millie, Franky, and even the Lady Patriots Society tell us about the dehumanization of the enemy. So yeah, it's very possible that it was acceptable for either side to do anything they wanted with captured enemies, that includes experimentation.

And by prisoners of war, I'm not only referring to soldiers and medical personnel, but also spies. Wouldn't it be funny if Anya's birth parents were also spies? It's too soon to tell, but it's so much fun to speculate 😆

At the beginning, it's stated that Anya was created by accident:

Maybe she was "an accident" between two prisoners of war or between a prisoner of war being experimented on and a scientist 🤔

So here's another crazy idea: Everyone thinks that Anya learned Classical Language because it was used in the lab by scientists, but what if it was her biological parents the ones who taught her that language in order to be able to communicate with each other?

At some point, I thought that even if we learned about Anya's past there was a possibility we would never know about her parents, now I think we will.

About the Chapter

Clearly, SXF is an anti-war story that wants to show us how terrible war is for EVERYONE. That's why big and small characters, side or main, have been affected greatly by war.

I'm sure plenty of people will talk about Martha and Henry's love story. After this chapter, I think it's clear that they probably were separated by war and that Henry had to marry to save himself, leaving Martha up in the air. (I know I am a fool, but I keep hoping she's the one he married, but I don't think so 😭)

Anyways, leaving the cautionary semi-tragic love story aside (Ahem, watch out Twilight and Yor)...I see what the author is trying to do: The story shows us very clearly what happens to every person when pushed to their limits, when they and their families are in danger. It's a story about loss, loss, and more loss.

The story is trying to make the readers root for peace and be very adamant against war. This is a masterclass on "Show, don't tell." So even if a lot of these stories seem insignificant because it's about side characters, they are meant to influence the readers' point of view about war, so when it reaches the main characters, we all know what could happen to them. These stories are meant to raise the stakes for the main characters.

Now, I've said it before: It's very possible that close to the climax of the story, Ostania and Westalis will be at the verge of a third conflict. By then, we'll know much more about the main characters' background as well as many other stories of side characters affected by war (don't be surprised if The Garden was created as a consequence of it). So when we're close to the end, when war is about to happen, we'll know exactly what could happen to the Forgers, because it has already happened to so many people: loss.

Something to Keep in Mind

The more the story moves forward, the more curious I am about the Desmonds. Since all of the characters were affected by war, I'm wondering how were the Desmond affected? Melinda certainly has issues (did this happen during and because of the war?) and Donovan Desmond is still a BIG question mark. It easy to relate to what normal characters feel. If any of us were going through something similar, we would be terrified too. However, how is it for someone in charge? How did Desmond see and suffer war? I really want to know.

One Last Thing

If in two chapters focusing on two side characters Endo has managed to create such a beautiful love story, can you image what he plans to do with Twiyor, which is the main couple of the story??

I know I say this a lot, but after seeing this my expectations are high and I am convinced it'll be worth the wait.

Food for thought.

[drowninginredink]

Favorite Albums: choose 9 and then tag 9 people!

For my own sanity, I didn't include musicals because I could fill up a whole other 3x3 grid with them, and comparing musicals to non-musical theater albums is weird.

Those last 4 that you definitely don't recognize are by Old Earth who you should definitely listen to if you want artsy ambient indie folk with really intricate guitar. My absolute favorite artist by far, and also the most obscure artist I listen to by far.

Electric by The Pet Shop Boys — I think this is my favorite album period. I am still pissed off that Tom Scott called it "not that great" in the old Technical Difficulties podcast. Maybe I'm biased because it was my favorite album when I was 14 and because it's where I really fell in love with the Pet Shop Boys. God I love them. So much. I'm way too excited for the new album and I worship geowayne's website where he analyzes all their songs. I probably should have put another PSB album on here, but there isn't another where I'm in love with every track. Plus honestly so many of my favorite tracks of theirs are B sides. They still release B sides with their singles, and this album cycle, the B sides are honestly better than the actual singles. Anyway electric is pure synthy electropop and I adore it in that way you can only love something you first heard at 14.

Pure Heroine by Lorde — I read a quote somewhere where Lorde said she tried to really put all of being a teenager into the album, so much so that once she became an adult, she probably wouldn't understand or like it anymore. I can definitely say that I'm not nearly as attached to it anymore now that I'm an adult, but God, it was my life when I was 13. She really did capture the unique ennui of being a teenager. I wrote a novel in eighth grade, and I wrote at least half of it to tracks from this album. Also, hot take: Royals is my least favorite track by a lot. Buzzcut Season is my favorite.

My Head is an Animal by Of Monsters and Men — God, this one was my life when I was like, 12. I fell in love with folk there, and I'm still in love nearly a decade later. Another album where I still love every track.

Strange Trails by Lord Huron — hey look, an album I actually discovered and came to love as an adult! The fact that I love Lord Huron's brand of folky horror/fantasy/western music that tell stories with characters should not surprise anyone. Also, if I had to describe my experience with schizophrenia in one song, I'd choose Meet Me in the Woods.

The Tragic Treasury by The Gothic Archies — Look. Hear me out. Is it a album based purely on A Series of Unfortunate Events? Yes. But. Is it also an album where I genuinely love every track and have genuinely been known to just throw it on shuffle? Yes. I mean I think of one lyric from this album, like, weekly. I swear it's not just ASOUE brainrot that makes me like it so much. If it'd ever gotten a vinyl release, I'd absolutely own it. I wish it had gotten one.

a low place at The Old Place by Old Earth — honestly this is probably only my favorite Old Earth album because it's the one that I was able to actually get on vinyl and being able to play that vinyl is so lovely. I mean, it's good, but so is everything by Old Earth. Then again, Less Words is my favorite single track by them and it is on this album. Look. All the Old Earth albums I've listed here are, at most, 20 minutes long. If you like ambient artsy indie folk with lyrics that are there more for the way they sound than their meaning, try one.

light shaped by Old Earth — god the lyrics to this one. Normally I don't like Old Earth for the lyrics but. "It gets old/then it's done" and "what if it's just some song that gets you home" and especially "I'm holding your arms/and you're holding my eyes/and I lie like the right thing to do" are all just so great. And so is the middle track with no lyrics.

... until they're called by Old Earth — have you ever heard an album so good that you a) just played the whole thing and danced to it in your basement nonstop for the full 12 minutes, and then b) wrote a poem about the experience? People talk about finding God, but dancing to that album was the moment I found athiesm. The beauty of us all being here for no reason, just feeling things and living and doing our best to make something beautiful out of it.

Two Torches, at a Place Where Three Roads Meet by Old Earth — I'll be honest, I don't have much to say about this one. They're just a really solid three tracks.

... Yeah okay I really like Old Earth. Don't judge me.

Thank you @cygninae and @thehistoryone for tagging me! I'll tag @ven10 (I'm surprised neither of the people who tagged me tagged you), @weirdthoughtsandideas (ditto), @70snasagay (hmmmm i wonder what you'll put), @cat-boy-tom, @thetreetzar, @buncoreclown, @notthatalex, @unfortunate-sapphic-disaster, and @roach-in-the-kitchen. No pressure, obviously!

[yuurei20]

Comment on Adaptations (continued) from Yana:

“It makes me sad that if I say, ‘I have never been disrespected as an artist by an adaptation—the terms of my contracts have always been adhered to,’ I am met with, ‘It’s gross how you’re trying to make yourself look good.’

If people are going to say that the artist is the sole owner of a work, it would be nice if they didn’t go after artists who are willing to accept modifications with, ‘They have no love for their own work,’ or ‘They are betraying their readers.’

The terms of my contract stipulated that I would not be able to participate in the casting of the actors for the live-action adaptation of Black Butler. When I heard that Ciel was going to be female, I asked that they please not introduce a romance plot between her and the butler. It was only a verbal agreement, but they still kept their word. To this day, I am still grateful to Mizushima-san, Gouriki-san, and everyone who was involved.

I have only met Gouriki Ayame-san once, after the wrap-up of the live-action movie. She was wearing a lovely, chic black dress, and I said, ‘It suits you really well. It would be great to be able to see you wearing such fashionable attire sometimes.’ Her fingers were trembling as she shook my hand, and she looked so happy. She really was beautiful.

A lot of the other actors, too, including Mizushima Hiro-san, were trembling when we shook hands. Realizing how much those glamorous, beautiful people were battling with their nerves and with the pressure—it was beyond description. I am so incredibly grateful for such an invaluable experience.

For the first season of Black Butler, the very first question I was asked was whether or not they could kill Ciel in the final episode. I was surprised, but I told them that if it meant the (mostly) original anime would be able to end on an interesting note, then they could go ahead. Thankfully it became an entertaining anime, and a sequel was made.

For the second season I requested an ending that was completely different from the first season and the direction of the manga.

The anime, live-action, musical, and game adaptations have all involved many astonishing, infuriating, depressing, and delightful experiences. I do not regret anything about any one of them, because they are all part of 'my story.' It is not a story where there is someone to dictate what is right and what is wrong. Though I did tell people to take breaks so that they wouldn’t overwork themselves.

That is all I will say on this topic. Many people expressed concern for me in the wake of the tragic incident, so I wanted to share. Readers are, of course, free to express their thoughts. I am me, and you are you. I would be glad if we are able to come together in enjoying the things that bring us happiness."

[ganondoodle]

I was at first in love with totk, and I still think mechanical wise, its quite impressive

And when I collected all the tears and saw the "story" I genuinely got upset in a good way (at first), because man! Did they really got the balls to go that far? Is there nothing I can do for her? Now I MUST do all the temples, see how it plays out and --oh, I've got this cutscene already. Why are all the people so dumb about Zelda, I KNOW where she is, Link say something-- Link??

After finishing all the temples and almost falling asleep, I stopped playing the game, looked up the last boss and remaining cutscenes and went "Thats it?"

Watching other people (including you) being critically about so many things, both character and mechanical wise, I've almost startled myself with a realization what the gnawing feeling I constantly had, actually was.

Totk feels like a fanfic.

And don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction, I think its great and important, I adore fanfic writers, I love finding gems, I love reading self indulgent stories, see new spins and interpretation of characters. I love the casual, the passion, the creativity!

But totk gives me the same feeling everytime I am reminded that Fifty Shades is a Twillight fanfic.

The world is there. The faces I know and grew to love are there. But everything is ever so slightly different, uncannily so. Just how some characters talk, how they act, how they were placed in the story. The Zonai appearing out of nowhere, but no, they always had been there you see, they were these super magical advanced people but they all died, the king is so tragic. And you see, the king is super cool and powerful and-- oh I dont get to interact with him outside of the tutorial. Did they try to do another King Rhoam-- but wait, that only worked because we didn't knew he was a ghost-- totk wait stop why do you take him out of the story, why couldn't he be a companion, he IS ABLE TO TALK THROUGH THE ARM LET THE OLD GOAT COMMENT ON STUFF?? If you bring up all this ancient stuff and you still got a ghost lingering, let him talk?? (I never ended up getting Mineru but I smell wasted potential as well)

Im not even mad, I am disappointed. It feels like the devs saw what all the lore hunters got attached to and talked about and then just... took the "cool". All the Zonai stuff could've easily been Sheikah tech, but got just reskinned to look more exciting instead of being its own thing.

Like... at this point I prefer what fans are doing over what Totk gave us. The characterization of Rauru (and everything Zonai), projects like you do of what totk couldve been, the little nuggets of actual highlights and details of love fans find in the game. I found much more enjoyment in these concepts than I got from a 70bucks game. And thats depressing.

I love fanfiction. I dont love it when my corporate 70 dollar, six year development, console exclusive game feels like a story that passionate fan couldve written miles better in a week (and I've already seen much cooler and interesting rewrites and ideas).

Zelda has been a huge part of my childhood and its depressing seeing it treated like that. It always was about the story, the epic, its The Legend of Zelda for crying out loud. To be courageous to enter a dungeon, to be wise and solve all the riddles. To become powerful over the journey you embarked on. Zelda to me is the campfire story you tell to others and go into the woods or the beach and imagine what monsters you would slay. Zelda is not the sandcastle you build in the sandbox and then add dinosaurs and star wars ships because you didn't had any other toys, and just stumble into and over some story to entertain yourself until lunch is ready.

I'd have an oracle of seasons over another totk any day at this point. They should've just make the mechanics of totk its own thing, but I guess they were scared it wouldn't sell if it doesn't have a Mario or Zelda skin straped over it.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant - love your art, love your thoughts and insights, and I am looking forward to see more of it - Zelda related or not (your original characters look amazing, I adore your style sm)

Hope you have a great rest of the day!

*nods along through this entire rant*

idk how many of my rants you have read but yeah ... yeah ... and the further you think about it the further it all falls apart, the wasted potential of it all and the goddamn audacity of them to do those interviews in which they make it EVEN WORSE is just

i know the expectation for a direct sequel to botw was huge and understandbly so but i really REALLY think it would not have been that hard to make it a good follow up even taking into account that totk was originally a DLC, pretty much all of botws aspects could have been developed further, i dont know what could have happened to make totk have turned out like this .. literally it feels like something had to have gone wrong, its like someone who doesnt know zelda nor botw at all was given a few prompts and then just made some generic fantasy story while the rest worked on ultrahand for 5 years

the technical impressive things ARE technical impressive, but i dont think it was necessary nor served the game well in any way (and i LOVE building games- however totk is neither a building game nor a story game nor a zelda game nor an exploration game nor a sequel imo) but zelda, this zelda, is not made for that and i cant help but think it was mainly to encourage people to make some ridiculous mechs so it can go viral on tiktok (not trying to discredit them, it IS cool what they are doing but i .... have my doubts if zelda is the right place for that)

ill stop there bc i have ranted so much about everything i dont wanna repeat it here again; it just doesnt feel like a real game (derogatory), it feels extra bad bc i was not really into zelda when botw came out and while i did get it as soon as i could (months after release since i just started a minijob and didnt have the money) i only over time grew to love zelda this much again, devouring any theories and anything about it bc i loved it so much- i was never into it like this when a new title was announced and dont own any special editions so i bought the totk collectors bc i was just so damn excited for it after the 2019 trailer dropped (god i want that time back ... it looked so much more like it was going to be an actual sequel) even if i was already worried it wouldnt be good at that point given how much i started to sense stuff i dont like about the newer trailers

i recently sold it at our local gameshop bc it was like a thorn in my side given how expensive it was and how dissapointed i was in the game, i genuinely think that, technical impressiveness aside, totk is the onyl zelda i truly cannot stand (for alot of reasons) and im genuinely worried for the future of the franchise

i bought an Oki (Okami) figurine for what i got back and i feel much happier with that :3

(also on a note, i did finish the game two weeks after release but stopped playing it right then and hadnt touched it since, i also streamed all of what i played and its still up if you want to see my slow descend into madness fjkdhkdhjk though its been a long while since then and i by far did not talk about everything back then, just what my most immediate frustrations were while still playing)

(also the gameplay isnt as good as people make it out to be, so much is so frustrating and punishing to use i am kinda baffled it got through like that and most people call that its best aspect ..... though i guess if the rest is so much worse even mid gameplay can seem good ooooooooh how dare i)

also thank you for liking what i do!!! <3 it means alot to know it is appreciated by someone :D

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Big Sis | Yandere Junko and Mukuro

A Concept To Maybe Continue...

You knew something was different about your older sisters. According to others, sisters their  age fought all the same…just not with high-grade weapons. Your sisters were Junko Enoshima and Mukuro Ikusaba–The ever hated Despair Twins. 

It was terrifying or it would be if you weren’t desensitized to the overwhelmingly radical personalities. Oddly enough you're usually not on the receiving end of their despairful escapades. Instead forced to be smothered by your sisters' obsessive and possessive tendencies. That made you an unwilling bystander to their crimes. 

Mukuro was the better one, more inclined to be a nurturing older sister. Scratch that, she essentially instated herself as your motherly figure. Using the skills she was naturally inclined to as the ultimate super soldier to take over most of your needs. From infancy to junior high she’s intent on carrying you around and spoon-feeding you the meals that she cooked. You’d like to say she didn’t do the weird blushing thing that she did with Junko’s violent affection but that’d make her too normal. She had her moments but more often than not she was infamous for getting overly excited about all the small things. 

First school uniform?

“Baby, you look perfect!”

“Muki-chan you’re nose is running.”

“Oh is it?”

Eating your favorite food?

“You’re such a messy eater, (Y/n)! Here I’ll get that for you.”

“Are you-? You’re not throwing that in the trash are you?”

“Oh (Y/n) what are you doing talking? Eat your food.”

Simply existing within her vicinity?

“Hah~Look at them sleep so soundly! My (Y/n)~!”

You really didn’t like waking up to her drool on your face, or at least that’s what you hope it is.

But if you compared that to Junko’s behavior it was more of a minor inconvenience to know your sister’s watching stalking you diligently. Junko had the most prevalent despair-filled behavior but not in the way many would think. 

“Oi oi don’t go runnin’ from your big sis! It be pretty despairing if those friends you’re running to all died horribly in front of you?”

Always keeping you within arms reach, in her lap, or her actively making you aware of whatever despair she was deciding to inflict. Unlike her treatment of Mukuro which was truly ever to encourage her obsession with despair she seemed to satisfy in simply you. Having you, living with you, keeping you, killing for you, causing despair in your name It was an anomalous relationship with an abnormal girl; a love for you that was measured by her burning love(?) for you. But her affection wasn’t shown in any typical fashion as any would guess. Locking your friends in a room and enticing them to plan murders. Or that one time when she dressed you up as a baby to ‘relive the grand ol’ days’. Playful pushes, pinching at your cheeks, writing her name somewhere on your body, and including you in her violent rampages. The sight of Mukuro’s blushing face was a familiar one for you.

“Upupupu did you think you could runoff with that scumbag without sharing the fun times!?”

“Little (Y/n)! Did they hurt you? What am I saying, of course they did! I’ll brutalize them soon!”

Leading up to the biggest, most Awful, most Tragic event in human history your sisters were occupied with. Putting their plan in action they let you slip away with nothing but a tracker on. A tracker you were able to locate and stick to some unsuspecting pigeon.

With your newfound freedom you enjoyed yourself to the fullest completely unaware of the impending doom that would have been birthed from the walls of Hope’s Peak. By the time the world had truly began to be consumed by despair you were far from the school and fending off the Monokuma–masked assailants. For whatever reason the broadcasts didn’t affect you like it did others and that alone made you a person of interest to the graduated Ultimates. After hours of interrogation and questioning you were deemed not a threat but an asset in bringing down the host of the killing game. 

“Upupupu you plebs out there still rooting for hope are cheering aren’t yuh!? Well for the glorious agents of despair I’ve got a job for ya–” 

Now revealed: Junko Enoshima appeared in a prerecorded message beckoning the 77th class to snap and snicker at her voice.

“If you’re looking for the next instigator of despair it’ll be the living one! Baby (Y/n)!!!” Tongue out with those despair-filled eyes, as the video cuts to a picture of all three of you–zooming in on your unsuspecting chubby face. All though it was an old photo it resembled you enough and that was all it took to start the latest wave of despair.

Under Munukata’s leadership you just barely escaped his sword. By his divination you were still an ultimate, an ultimate targeted by the wicked Ultimate Despair. So naturally you should stay by his side even as the 77th class began to converge on your location, eager to plummet the world into deeper despair. Forget the way he so willingly strikes down any who attempt to befriend you or the way he demands you listen to his odd rules ‘to keep you safe.’ Forget all about how even after their reformation they still seem keen on meeting you and bringing you with them. And be sure to ignore how  even more nameless victims of despair attempt to weasel their way to you. 

Even in her death they seemed to birth an obsession around you.

“Awww didn’t think a silly thing would stop me baby bird! I’ve always wanted to give you the despairful birth you deserve. Corrupting all hope to fall into disgustingly delicious despair! Love can be cruel can’t it!?”

[yoyoyo-idk]

more rambling im so sorry (orv spoilers)

the scene where they find kid dokja in the subway is such A Thing™ for me because it tells us so much about kdj and all of it is heartbreaking.

we all know some of the themes of his story are good and evil and communication and understanding is hard, right, but throughout the entire story, whenever kdj meets a character there's nuance. whenever he describes them as they were in the novel, he always has something to say about their motives and their personality and their morals and what not. like oh i saw myself in [name] or i always found their past tragic or something. and later on, when he starts juggling with the implications of life is a story, for 'characters' he had always thought 'bland' or disliked or something, he tells himself that people have nuances. people have feelings and reasons and motives etc. even at the end with kim namwoon there's... an attempt.

he tries to and even manages to be sympathetic with many, many people.

and then they see a younger version of him. everyone is shocked. there's sorrow and oh you sad, pitiful child and regret and not-quite-forgiveness but something. there's seeing that the cause of your suffering is a literal child doing it subconsciously because life is really hard for him. kdj's companion desperate to protect kid!him because they absolutely love his stupid ass.

and kim dokja.

kim dokja - who according to the theme of the story should be the one most able to understand his own self - has nothing but abhorrence for that kid. the guy who loves the story, who's been explaining for 200+ chapters that people are complex and have nuances actually and also there's more than one solution and also sometimes you don't have to kill. kim dokja sees that kid and there's something very, very cold and dark inside of him. there's no pity, there's no compassion, there's no how sad, there's "why are you stopping he's responsible for your suffering you should kill him. he's pathetic and miserable and his life will be just as miserable and pathetic as him and it won't mean anything and he'll become a detestable abject pathetic loser. he'll become kim dokja and there'll be nothing but suffering he caused in his life."

and then. then when people, when his friends start showing the kid... mercy? compassion? love?

he panics. he doesn't understand. he tries to stab himself in the throat. it's heartbreaking.

kim dokja loves the story. he tries to understand everyone, tries to find the nuances in people's personality. and there's none of that for himself. his perfect ending doesn't include his own happiness and he has so, so little love for himself.

more than that... he never actually gets that people... genuinely enjoy his existence. dare i say love him. he is one who is loved by all, his companions desperately try to understand him, to show him they appreciate him, and it is entirely incomprehensible to him. what am i supposed to do with myself.

TLDR:

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Man... I just LOVE watching the DPxDC community do their thing. I like them and just want to examine you all under a microscope because I find you all so very interesting! It's just absolutely TRAGIC that I have yet to find any storyline or AU that tickles my specific fancy, personally...

I acknowledge that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem 120%! The stuff that I just enjoy about Batman and Danny Phantom are just not things that the community are interested in as a whole and that's perfectly fine! But it does make me feel like a pure outsider when I wish that I could actually more earnestly engage with the community itself from within. Just... Siiiiiigh! And I just have not been able to think up anything to make the two verses blend together in a way that would be personally satisfying to me specifically!

Have some of my personal winging under the cut! No hate. Just explaining my tastes and yearning.

Absolutely no shade! All the more power to you for writing stories with these tropes and features! But I personally am not particularly interested in batfamily drama, and I see the kids in the batfamily as the children that they used to be in many ways. So stories about the batfamily don't interest me a whole lot, and I'm just not invested in shipping them with anyone (I'm also ace, so I really don't get pretty much anything out of batfamily romance) as a whole. What I like about Batman is that his stories are largely mysteries. I like the atmosphere and I absolutely ADORE the rogues! I like seeing the crimes and Batman clashing with his rogues, and most of all I LOVE the heart-wrenching DRAMA between Bruce and Harvey as Bruce DESPERATELY does everything he possibly can to save his best friend, while Harvey slips further and further into a hell that he wishes that he could climb out of but is just unable to alone! Harvey is just my absolute favorite and the sheer tragedy of his character has a tight grip around my heart that will not let go! Meanwhile with Danny Phantom, what I like about it... Well... I just think that Vlad is neat! There is also a certain tragedy to him as well, but he's also just a pathetic loser which is hilarious to me! Like, so often he comes off as so slick and cool and threatening... But also he's a loser and a goober. I also just love seeing how much of a simp Jack is for him. And I just like how redemption is always just barely in sight for Vlad... He just has to honestly reach out and grab it, but he just isn't willing to right now. Also ghost powers are neat and unique and I enjoy the unique possibilities and aesthetics of it. But sadly for me, these just aren't things that the DPxDC community is interested in. And that's perfectly fine, but it does make me yearn. Like there are interesting parallels to explore between Harvey and Vlad for sure! But I have no idea how to explore them in any interesting ways at all! Also I am just the kind of person who very much dislikes stories about destiny and stuff like that. So AUs like the twin demons or Ghost King!Danny just have absolutely no appeal to me. I'm just not interested in the inevitability that a lot of storytellers in this space have that Danny WILL join the batfamily. Also it feels disappointing to me whenever a writer just doesn't give the DC the credit that they deserve. It feels like people just want Danny to be super ultra overpowered, even more so than the super ultra overpowered characters that DC already has without exploring how these different things interact. Feels like people are more interested in erasing DC canon to make way for their Danny Phantom fanon instead of letting both things be true as is the usual DC way. Again, there's nothing wrong with doing that, but it just leaves me wanting. Also I really don't particularly like nor care about Ra's or Talia as far a rogues go, so only seeing them getting included in these things is just disappointing.

Lays down. Like, I don't want to sound like I'm hating on the community. I honestly am not. I'm just bellyaching because I am in this enclosure and am not receiving good enough stimulation in this space. It just feels like... It's a hot day, and I am REALLY craving some ice cream right now! But this ice cream shop only has 4 flavors and I quite dislike them all. I'm not angry at people for liking these 4 flavors. And this place is just SO CLOSE to being something I like! I enjoy the decor, the location is really nice and convenient for me. But alls I can do in just stare in the window and watch everyone else enjoying themselves while I bake in the sun. I admit that this is purely a me problem and not a community problem but it's just a bummer, y'know? Flops.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x12 Thoughts

I have always loved, and still love, that Ted moved to London and loved it. He acclimated, or more than acclimated. The three years was a story about new places and people and experiences and old ghosts that followed him there. I understand that the one thing in the middle—a kid, not a ghost, who still exists in the place left behind—necessitated him making a painful decision. I am mourning that because Ted had to make the decision to leave London, the magic of arriving in a place and never wanting to leave has been broken. He had to re-outsider himself, and I can imagine many complex (and realistic, damn it) futures for him, including futures that would involve him spending significant time back in that place, but there's a real sadness in just...the leaving. He's doomed to return (or not return) instead of just getting to exist there, after we've gotten used to seeing him in an environment that suited him.

Something I'll love when I'm able to be more mature about all this is that Ted doesn't argue with Rebecca when she tells him she wants him to consider the possibility that Richmond is his home.

Something I love now--as painful as it is--is that Rebecca seems, in a lot of ways, like she's in love with Ted. He's slipping away, and instead of wailing about how much she'll miss the biscuits, she sits herself down in front of some croissants. (And while I don't particularly like that the Dutch man has returned to her life in such a magical, serendipitous way that only timed out because of her tremulous, seemingly to-the-wire decision not to get on that plane or say anything more to Ted, a charitable and practical part of my brain is glad she'll have companionship if she couldn't have what she spent most of this episode seeming to believe she wanted. Even if what she wanted wasn't actually romantic. Or wasn't supposed to read as romantic. Even if it did.)

The immediacy of Ted's emotions in 3x11, when he has the fight with his mom and it's so clear that he's got to go back and face what he's run away from, reminded me of how sharply he can feel. So it was really hard to watch him be almost stoic throughout this episode in the way he pulls away. He leaves everyone well, but everyone else's feelings are so big and he's kinda glazed over, and I didn't expect to feel the wind knocked out of me with the force of Rebecca's longing for him to stay.

(And I'm so glad that Rebecca didn't sell all of the club, instead taking her ownership down to just 51%, but I'm also glad she cares enough about Ted to have genuinely considered it. I'm so glad she and Keeley are going to work together to form a women's team. I'm so glad she promoted Roy to head coach, and that he's actually going to work on himself now that he knows he'll be working to be his best self rather than someone else. I am glad Ted was only dreaming about Beard and Jane marrying at Stonehenge--Ted has never understood how seriously bad that relationship is. I'm glad life is moving on, but it's just. So. Painful.)

I know a lot of people will talk about how this was a disappointment after all--a savior story with a pat, happy ending, rather than a true love story. But my feeling is that it genuinely was something better and sadder than a savior story...a narrative about choice with a tragic end. (And I don't mean "tragic" to imply that he shouldn't have gone to be with Henry, because I think he needed his reconnection with Henry to take place in Kansas, very essentially. It's just that everything else about the ending is tragic.) Maybe Ted spent the last three years at home, and maybe it won't hit him until much later, the magnitude of all that he's left. I like that it wasn't a happy ending, even if there are happy parts. I don't like that people will mistake it for a happy ending, even if a happy ending that angers them. I don't expect people to feel good about this paragraph, but it's the thing that's saving me where this show is concerned.

This is my favorite show. I've never obsessed over or connected to a piece of media quite like I have with this. I don't particularly care about the better things out there, and I'm not particularly curious what my next obsession will be because I'm still in this one. The finale didn't ruin the show for me, but I feel like I'm being stabbed by the last ten minutes, by the pain of the end really being about that impossible choice feeling impossible for as long as our eyes were trained on his face.

[raamitsu]

PERSONAL THOUGHTS ON JJK CHAPTER 261 ⭐

Sorry for the fact that it took me a VERY long time to share this and yes, it was pretty long so just scroll if you do not want to read it :")

one thing about me that took me by surprise after chapter 261 leaks came out, was that I was one of many people who quickly adapted and accepted the chapter itself. even at this moment, I am so hyped to read everyone's thoughts and opinions regarding it. maybe I don't care anymore or maybe I was so confused plus tired but most importantly I wanted to see how the story progresses from this chapter. now, it concerns three people at once: Yuta in Satoru's body (considering Yuta is one of my favorite characters too and there is a highly chance he will die), Yuji who was punched and tossed aside once again by Sukuna and Todo who reacted weirdly. The chapter itself was too interesting for me to get emotional but then when I looked at Satoru's face, suddenly it feels like an open wound.

as a long time fan of Gojo Satoru myself, I won't lie to you that even I wished he would return but at the same time I didn't expect him to. had a quick realization and said to myself, "wait- maybe he should have not? because then he will have to get his ass back to the battlefield and fight Sukuna, and then what? he will die again. why would he have to repeat the same shit all over again? yeah that's enough of a burden already." and here we go... again.

seeing how the chapter has turned out, you can say that it is as if my wish was finally granted but it came with a gruesome, brutal twist behind the anticipated awaiting. if you think me seeing Satoru's physical body being used [as a weapon] once again is painful to death, imagine the heartache I had to go through realizing that Yuta was the one who took over his body; and again learning the fact that HE MADE IT CLEAR THAT HE DID NOT WANT TO COMMIT SUCH INHUMANITY MOVE ON HIS BELOVED TEACHER 😭💔 and yet, Satoru consented him - mental breakdown after another, I must say. I almost passed out (not really) while reading the chapter but surprisingly I have read it at least five times. I felt sick to my bone, however, it was an unbelievable experience and I respected Gege for that (still, it does not mean that I won't hate him ☺️👊🏻)

now... I do not want to undermine the advantage of criticism but as what I have seen/read during the break week on twitter, there are nothing but nonsense. for example, there was this one person expressed about the way they felt [as an Asian] to witness Gege implementing JJK with dark element and claiming that treating a deceased body like a playground was seen as "taboo" in Japan - meanwhile the "taboo" in question here does not only apply to one specific Asian country. while their opinions and feelings were somehow valid, it was still not applicable to speak for everyone especially the majority of Asian JJK readers who love this chapter and has no issue in understanding the points that Gege wanted to come across through his readers.

since I am unfortunately not in a great shape right now- I will do my best to make it short: the hate train against Yuta and Shoko should not be warranted in the first place. all they did for the past few chapters was trying their best to come out with alternatives in order to defeat Sukuna - and that included using Satoru's physical body as their "last resort" as we have learned in chapter 261. you can deem it as "not morally right" which indeed it is and still able to look pass at it rationally for the fact that it was not a baseless desperate move, and Satoru was not being forced by a third party to give consent for his corpse to be used - even if it was not Yuta. to be fair, re-reading the chapter again after I have done posting leaks, I cannot help but found it so tragic for my man and for my beloved boy to make themselves out to be a monster out of their own willingness - and this is why I am deeply thankful for the fact that the one who "inherited" Satoru's memories was Yuta instead of another villain.

no one, not even a sorcerer, can remain their sanity until the end - not when the situation they are in requires an unprecedented decision making thus resulting them into putting aside their morality and humanity to "level themselves up" against a calamity that knows no limit. even if it costs the lives of many, they will execute the only alternative they had left. a dire situation will tell you, show you exactly what human beings are capable to do. you should be able to understand the sentiment while still being judgmental upon it.

and lastly, the amount of uneasy feeling I have even after looking at these panel for couple of times already like LORD-

that is all. after this I will do another re-read to form a separated post with different opinions. Insha'Allah.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

I got so very baited recently, because I am naïve in the ways of internet trolls. Lmao and all that, but I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that a lot of people really do seem to genuinely believe that God Gale is a good ending, and then I wrote 2300 words about the three reasons it makes me super sad actually. Writing is a compulsive activity for me, I kinda felt like I had to or I wouldn't be able to think about anything else, or sleep.

My bait would be that I do consider ascending Gale to godhood a worse outcome for Gale than ascending Astarion is for Astarion, not because Ascended Astarion is at all okay, but because Astarion has zero good options in the first place. Gale has a whole range, so going with one of his bad endings feels extra tragic to me because there was potential for him to be as alright as possible for any mfer in Toril, whereas everything with the poor vampire is kind of a negotiation of different scenarios of complication and misery.

Anyway, below this cut is 2300 words of me feeling heavy about God Gale.

God Gale is a Bad Ending (in this essay I blah blah blah)

Three umbrella sads (meaning big reasons containing lots of little reasons)

First) DnD gods are all terrible, and Gale will not be an exception:

The themes of power and authority explored in Baldur’s Gate 3 all have fairly similar messaging. To be reductive: power corrupts and those who seek authority over others inevitably abuse them. This is introduced on both high and lower levels within the story, and on the high side of things, it’s with the gods themselves. The writers chose to include Mystra, a pretty universally beloved goddess who is considered “good” by the majority of DnD players. Mystra is then depicted as someone who grooms and callously discards her chosen. We also learn that she seeks some of them out when they are very young, but that's not a requirement for grooming. The power imbalance between any mortal seeking favor and the literal goddess that they worship is great enough that any close relationship would be inherently difficult to navigate. And from what we see Mystra has grown disconnected from the mortal experience, to a pretty alarming degree, in spite of once being mortal herself and keeping many mortal chosen close. She is not handling this relationship well, and is leveraging the power imbalance rather than trying to mitigate its negative qualities. The significance of this might be somewhat lost on people who are new to Toril and the gods of this world, but a lot of veteran DnD players actually found this to be kinda scandalous/”wildly out of character for Mystra” and they completely missed the point that Larian did this on purpose. It’s a very intentional way of making sure you understand, trust no bitch. (in this scenario gods are the bitches)

I don’t really think there’s much of an argument that Mystra did alright by Gale—but people do try to make it. I’m ignoring them for now. Resting on the assumption that we recognize that what Mystra did to Gale (both prior to the events of the game, and within the game’s narrative) was 100% not ok, I think it’s important to remember that there are endings in which Gale goes to Elysium with Mystra, has the orb removed, is even restored back to his original body from being a mindflayer ect. By all appearances, Gale seems pretty happy with this when it happens. But knowing what we know, he shouldn’t be. He deserves better. I actually love this—I mean, it’s awful and upsetting, but it’s perfectly tragic and appropriate for Gale. He’s not above delusion and weakness and mortal failings. He can become a god, and I actually don’t think I need to make much of an argument for why I don’t believe he would be an exception, because there is no exception, to this particular rule. Even Withers, by and large depicted as helpful, is aloof and ultimately responsible for the Dead Three being such menaces in the first place.

But, I’ll make the argument that Gale can’t be an exception anyway. Or, I’ll let Gale make it for me, by just saying that if you let him ascend to godhood and then talk to him about it at the epilogue party, it’s already pretty clear that he’s not an exception at all. He’s making excuses, he’s disconnected, he’s neglectful and unfeeling. I actually think it’s clearer to see when you aren’t in a relationship with him than when you are, which also feels right. His prior experience with serious relationships was with a goddess who made him her chosen so there’s probably some sense of romance to making his partner feel singled out that he might not even realize he’s performing. To the rest of the world he might be just another god with a domain that can be used for good or ill and who doesn’t concern himself with mortal suffering, but you know “the real him” and you know he’s good to you and that’s all you need to know.

Second) He knows now that he wasn’t enough as he was:

Gale’s desire for power seems like it’s something he’s innately had for a long time, but so is his sweetness and his ability to come down hard on himself for his failings. This is really nicely encapsulated in the letter that you get from Elminster at the epilogue party when he ascends, in which Elminster expresses his regrets over the part he played in Gale’s fate. (I’m just going to glide right past the fact that Elminster, Tara and implicitly Gale’s mother all think his ascension is bad, I do think that’s evidence, but I want to focus on my reasons, not theirs). To sum up, the letter describes Elimnster’s first encounter with Gale, featuring the eight year old wizard accidentally destroying flowers with Fireball and being very upset about it. To do a quick and dirty analysis of the coding here:

Flowers = good and beautiful things (also, the natural world and by extension the mortals in it)

Crying = Gale’s better nature showing through (empathy, something gods repeatedly suck at)

Fireball = power/harm he’s capable of, and power and harm are equivalent (supernatural/godly power and its destructive force against mortals)

That better nature is what we’re always trying to get at with Gale, and they make it pretty difficult because he’s the platonic ideal of a true neutral. And a) alignment in DnD can be difficult to understand, plenty of good characters do horribly immoral things without their alignment shifting, because what constitutes evil is relative to their “chaos—-lawful” positioning and b) I think people who believe Gale to be good aligned need to commit to an evil playthrough of Baldur’s Gate 3, keep him in the party, keep him close, and talk to him often, because he is so frighteningly good at making excuses for you as you play the role of an edgelord anime monster. He’s desperate and way more comfortable with all this than you might think, because he’s in the trenches now. When I killed Isobel in my embraced durge run, I would rate Gale’s reaction to that as being slightly less upset than Astarion and Minthara. Everyone hates it though, no one is ok with you killing Isobel, most of them straight up tell you’re a fucking idiot for doing it. Gale’s a bit less harsh. He’s “not sure” it was a good idea.

This isn’t related, but I just realize I REALLY want to hear Gale call me an idiot, is that anywhere in the game? Can someone tell me? Oh god, has this awakened something in me? Anyway, his better nature is someone who is both confident and capable, but no longer reaching for the next horizon, and the next one after that, no longer under the impression that he needs to obtain something unobtainable to be considered worthy of love. He’s still connected to the beauty of mortal experience, and still empathetic. He can cherish what he has and who he is, rather than serving ambition over all. The ending where he becomes a god is validation of his beliefs that he is inadequate as he is. You can fanfic a future in which the opportunity to prove otherwise arises (I did) but that’s where the game leaves you with him. There is no more. The Fireball and the power it demonstrated was more important than the flowers.

Three) He is not making you his equal, he’s the god of ambition and you are a mortal consort just like he was to Mystra:

This is probably going to be the “I was with you until” part. Sorry, it involves DnD lore.

I appreciate that most people simply will not be open to the idea that they misinterpreted what happens with Gale at the end of the game if you romance him, ascend him, and then go with him to Elysium. The “I know what I saw” of it all is really hard to overcome, but: 

I don’t actually feel like writing up an eh “academic” explanation of this again and I can’t find the email where I ranted about it to someone in private, so here’s an excerpt from my Wyll/Gale fic (it’s not posted yet, it’s going to be long and I’m editing) where I included the idea in a way that I hope is more entertaining than if I just wrote out an explanation of how DnD gods are made. Please don’t be too weirded out by the fact that it’s a conversation between Minthara and Wyll and that Wyll is in disguise but Minthara knows it’s him, and is implied to have gone to hell with her girlfriend Karlach, I promise all that makes sense in context:

~

“I must admit, I was surprised to learn that when Gale offered to bring you with him to Elysium, you refused him.”

“Who’ve you been talking to?” Wyll had confided in precious few people about that, and Minthara certainly wasn’t one of them, but then he realized the question was foolish. Karlach had been there for him right after, when his heart was broken. No one knew that feeling better than she did.

“Who else?” Minthara challenged, she had a peculiar look on her face and seemed eager to look away quickly. Then he remembered, she probably found the glamour off-putting.

“The two of you really care deeply for each other.” Wyll remarked.

“She cares for me in spite of her better judgment, in spite of her very nature, it seems at times,” Minthara mused, “I will conquer every layer of hell for her, as that is what is required.” Her eyes traveled pointedly over the collection of tents around them. A mere fraction of her company, but a formidable group of handpicked soldiers.

“Is that what this is all about? Gathering an army?” It wasn’t a bad use of the Eltan’s funds either. Wyll hadn’t expected to approve of Minthara’s mercenary endeavors, but here they were.

“It will take a lot more than soldiers—even very disciplined ones—to defeat archdevil legions. But, it is a start. One certainly cannot expect to raze the hells without soldiers.” Minthara took a long drag on her pipe, red eyes alight with the glow of the fire. “But, we were talking about you,” she gave him one of her accusing smiles. “You just and righteous types do so love to hide the subtle manipulation of changing the subject under the guise of genuine interest in others.”

“I am genuinely interested,” Wyll felt the burn of a blush. The drow was half right, after all. “I don’t know if there’s hope for the hells to ever be more than pure despair, but any improvements would have to come by way of a regime change. I wish you both every good fortune in your efforts.” He cleared his throat, “but fine. What did you want to know about it?”

“I believe I already know why you refused Gale. I would like validation, or a correction, if I’m wrong. But I rarely am.”

Wyll’s guts twisted a little. It wasn’t comfortable to imagine Minthara thinking about his ill-fated romance with the god of ambition, let alone having theories about why it had gone so poorly in the end. “Go on then. Out with it.” He steeled himself for what he imagined would be nothing less than agonizing insight into one of his most painful memories.

“You knew he was lying,” said Minthara simply.

Wyll released the breath he’d been holding and began to nod along as she continued.

“To become a god, one needs, at a minimum, extraordinary power, domain and worship. Sponsorship from another god doesn’t hurt, but if the gods were allowed to simply ascend anyone they lay with, the heavens would be chaos. Ao would never make such an exception.” Minthara smacked her pipe against her hand, loosening the remaining contents and letting the dust fall into the fire with a flare.

“My reasoning was more complex and nuanced than that,” Wyll said quietly, “but you are not wrong. I like to think that such a blatant deception would be above Gale, but I cannot say that I would put it past him to perhaps… put more stock into my ambitions than he should. I think if I’d gone with him, we would have had a few blissful days of happy reunion, and then it would be time to plan the process of my true ascension. I would have to approach it with a detailed mapping of how to acquire what I needed and ascend on my own merits. It would have been a pursuit for something I did not want, that would have likely failed, and cost me the remainder of my life. Everything else I held dear, everything I had worked towards, I would have to abandon. I loved Gale, but to ask that of me—I saw in that moment that he was too blinded by his own desires to understand the sacrifice he demanded, and the impossible expectations he was putting on me. On both of us, if I’m honest.” And he hated to even think about the alternative possibility, but if he was ever going to allow himself enough cynicism to voice it outloud, it might as well be in the presence of the exile Minthara. “Or. There’s always the possibility that he’d actually grown arrogant enough to think he could defy Ao and just… get away with it. In which case, he would have condemned us both to a fate of going to war with the gods and dying ignominiously. For what? I don’t want to be a god, and I never needed him to be one either. He was the one who decided it was a prerequisite to our just… being together.”

“To your first set of excuses, I would say you are being too generous,” Minthara narrowed her gaze at him and took a deep breath before she said, “but to your second, darker accusations, I think you are being too harsh. Gale may be arrogant, but he is also highly intelligent. Intentionally defying Ao would be very stupid indeed.”

“Not like defying devils.”

“Not at all,” Minthara grinned wickedly. “Devils live to be defied. That’s why they’re all so tolerant of coups in the hells. But the denizens of the heavens demand obedience, loyalty, deference, and they are not forgiving of defiance.”

Wyll found he felt better. Just having said all that outloud had made the tension between his shoulders loosen. For all her blatant tolerance of every evil, Minthara’s particular brand of judgment certainly left one feeling anything but judged. 

“Karlach was worried for you. As she would be. She saw your pain and wanted to make it better for you. But I was…. Proud of you. For whatever that’s worth. The choice was between pain, or lies. You would not live in a delusion, though it may have been very pleasant for a while.”

~

Yeah, basically that. You can argue he might be encouraging you to become his equal, but it could just as easily be framed as him requiring you to become such, in order to be worthy of being with him, and at no small personal cost.

[lesbianp1lled]

it's so lame that we even have to identify as 'gold star' lesbians at this point in human existence. unless you live in an extremely homophobic country, there just isn't a reason for a gay person to force themself be intimate with the opposite sex, period. that's self-r*pe to any actual gay person and the mere idea has always disgusted me, even when I tried to convince myself I was bi because of comphet lol (I do live in a pretty homophobic country where I've never seen a gay couple hold hands publicly in almost 30 years.. ). I've never accepted even a single date with a man, 0 intimacy (ew), because even despite being able to realize/ accept that I was a lesbian only in my early 20s, I've always instinctively known I'm gay. most people do, and thus physical contact with the opposite sex who we're not attracted to is abhorrent. that's why I think women who've had het sex and still claim to be lesbians are either fakebians or have 0 self-dignity and a desperate need for attention to the point of jumping on a d*ck for societal approval, and I'll never understand that/ f*ck with that. that's the most anti-feminist bs, I know so many straight women who didn't have sex before like 30 because they hadn't met a man they loved and trusted enough. virginity is lauded in women so there's no pressure to be with men either. so there's no justifying being with males while claiming to be a lesbian lol.

I actually needed to went about sth personal as well and since I sadly have no lesbian friends, this is the best option. basically all my relationship attempts have ended tragically because all my crushes have been het or bihet women. I live in a tiny ass country so there simply aren't enough lesbians yet there are thousands of drop-dead-gorgeous het and bihet women and I am simply a woman with eyes, what can I say.. all the actual lesbians tend to be butches, and don't get me wrong, butches have my whole heart, but I'm a femme-for-femme kinda gal, I can't help it. I am conventionally attractive and work hard to stay in shape but I'm no supermodel either and actually insanely beautiful women scare me a bit so I'm just looking for sb on the same level. I don't want to feed into the stereotype about lesbians being unattractive, I don't think that's true. but in my country it tends to be the case, which is especially jarring because the straight women are outstandingly beautiful. ofc looks isn't the main thing I'm looking for but I don't want a romantic relationship with sb I'm not even attracted to. I've tried that and it didn't work, it isn't fair on me nor them.

I've also graduated from every level of education with the highest honors, I'm a uni lecturer since 20, I have my own company, everyone tells me I'm one of the nicest people they know and I still can't find a gf who'd like me as much as I love her?? that's what's truly enraging, to see all these amazing het and bihet women genuinely love and give their all to these misogynistic subpar beer-bellied males who use them as personal maids while I can't find one (1!!) woman to love me as an objectively good-looking feminist they could 100% relate to and be in an equal/ synergetic relationship with.

I'm sorry but heterosexuality truly is a masochistic self-destructive condition in women, I know it's innate but it's true.. inc3ls (including the trans kind) have no idea what real hardship is in dating women. it's seeing the fugliest moids get with the most kind, intelligent, ambitious and hot women only to drain them from life and self-respect and not even appreciate getting with a woman waaay out of their league. while you are on that woman's level but she'll never love you even if she's bi because ultimately you just don't have a nasty dangler in your pants which doesn't even satisfy her anyway. so you just seethe in your justified bitterness and try go on with your life despite feeling like no woman will ever love you, not because you're unlovable or in any way unworthy but simply because you're a woman.

it hurts so much to see all these hot lesbian couples online, it just feels surreal, like where are these women? all I see is obese goofy-looking 'polyamourous' aka promiscuous bihet she/they qWeErs who want to use me as a s3x toy with their disgusting boyfriend.

and this brings me to my ex. she was the one I gave a chance to because she was the first woman to make a move on me, she told me I was perfect, we talked for hours every day for months, went on dates, she fantacized about living in a house together etc, only to randomly ghost me, tell me our relationship meant nothing despite me having admitted to her I was already traumatized by bihet women leading me on. and then ofc she got with some receding neckbeard guy who looks like he could be her uncle not long after lmao. after legit telling me she detests men and would Nevvverr date one again, that I was her perfect woman. so all she gave me was trust issues that all women are secretly bihet c*cksuckers who will eventually leave me no matter how perfect and lovable I am. I know this can't be true but it truly feels like that. she just got married to that male (probably partly for a visa lol) but she certainly tries to convince herself and others desperately she's madly in love with him while watching all of my insta stories in 2.3 seconds for some reason, I've muted her so I found out about her marrying months later.

maybe she knew I was far out of her league and randomly sabotaged our relationship, because it was such a shock out of a blue sky to me. thankfully I wasn't fully in love yet and dodged her (mentally unstable) bullet but we need to address the trauma these bihet women leave us with. because that's entirely valid and not our fault, not everyone has the privilege to date fellow lesbians when finding a real one who isn't a fakebian feels impossible to begin with. I also hate the infantilization of lesbians, she definitely used me for her idiotic little 'sapphic daydreams', f*ck that, we are not some uwu fairies, we are grown women and we are just as entitled to only date people we're physically attracted to as het women. as I said, I wasn't even that attracted to her but the knowledge that she got hetero married while larping as some grand qWeEr feminist who will never date males again hit me like a truck. she's out to the world while I'm only out to my friends and some family because I could be discriminated against at my homophobic workplace. the fkn iront in that.. she even started identifying in plural after meeting him lmaoo, she must've realized that she really is just a measly hetero and no longer has a way 'in' to the lgbt thing she desperately wants to co-opt. she's 100% a poli-qweer lol.

I hate that I'm even allowing myself to be traumatized by her, she's unworthy of that but I can't help it, every romantic experience only worsens my trust issues with women and my current crush is bi as well.. at least she doesn't lie about liking men which is still off-putting but at least she's honest. idk what to do anymore. I'm just livid at this homophobic heteronormative world and the way the hets just keep getting away with it. I nearly threw up at the sight of all het couples today.

and bihets are the worst male-worshippers out there as well, they put up with so much more bs from men than decent self-respecting het women do. and they're desperate to be with a man at all times. some time ago I went out with a bi woman who I didn't know was bi, she presented herself half-virginal, did mention two exes, male and female. but turns out she has slept with every other man in town, brags about it online as if that makes her a 'bad bitch' , no hun, just an unpaid prostitute for patriarchal pleasure.

the only consolation is that het relationships are never equal so they will not have some idyllic marital bliss with their ugly moids as they desperately want to pretend. but still, they have such immeasureable social privilege being het-attracted and -partnered and then they have the audacity to larp as some great qWeEr activist publicly without any shame in their hypocrisy. god I wanna expose her fake ass so badly, tell everyone what a lying bihet charlatan she is. I might never be able to get married in my country because I'm actually gay and she's unapologetically prancing around with a husband when she said she'll never date a man again. as gay people we grapple with so much baseless misplaced shame while the het fakers seem to feel none. meanwhile there are lesbians all over the world forced into loveless het marriages to be r*ped by their husbands. unspeakably disgusting. sometimes I just want to vacate this abhorrent homophobic planet but can't let the homophobes win.

sorry for the long rant but what do you think I should do going forward? I feel like I'm succumbing to complete bitterness and despite not envying the misogynistic relationships of heteros, at least they have the opportunity to be in romantic relationships without fearing being discriminated against, disowned or hate crimed, no matter how flawed their relationships are. meanwhile I'm just getting older, I might still look 18 but I feel like I'll die before a woman of worth will ever reciprocate my love. where to move, where are the actual lesbians?? how to deal with the bilious defeatism and, tbh unfortunately justified victim mentality?

I'm sure a lot of lesbians can relate to my experiences and I would really appreciate them sharing how they got out of this hole/ repeating pattern of dating women who were beneath them and unable to actually love women romantically/ sexually. at this point I'd do anything to even have a woman sexually objectify me at least 😩

oh, and what's notable is that despite never having been in a proper committed relationship and having these failed traumatic attempts, I have never resented women as a whole. women owe me nothing, but the women who have literally thrown themself at me only to lead me on like I begged them not to deserve no remorse. and I haven't lost my mind or general will to live either, I thrive academically and at work, I entertain myself and enjoy my time with family and friends. I don't normally hate on other people in relationships for no reason either, just in a really bad place rn lol. I think it's important to note for all of the lesbophobes out there who call us 'lescels' and compare us to r*pe-loving misogynistic incels who think they should own women as sex toys. I've never resented a woman like that even if she's hurt me beyond words, that shit is just degenerate y-chromosome scrote coded. lesbians will never be able to oppress women, not even if some have unrightful disdain against women because we are the ones oppressed by hetero-attracted women.

also hate we have to identify as gold star lesbians because surely it makes sense that a lesbian wouldn’t ever sleep with a man? But so many call themselves lesbians even if they have slept with a man which is a false identity for them because a lesbian just wouldn’t sleep with a man. But the whole ‘gold star lesbian’ thing started as a way for straights to make fun of us. They’d say “Oh you haven’t slept with a man? Do u want a GOLD STAR?” so when I call myself a gold star lesbian i’m mostly just reclaiming it and saying yeah I am proud of it, and yeah give me a gold star! Lmao

I won’t go into everything you said because i’ll be here all night but I’m also a femme mostly attracted to other femmes and it is true most lesbians are butches which makes our dating pool even smaller. I don’t rule out butches completely, I have found some attractive I’m just mostly attracted to femmes and I’ve never met a butch irl I’ve known other femme lesbians though.

What I think you should do moving forward? Is not to lose hope. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Get in touch with the local community, if you don’t like going to nightclubs u could always join any events or anything like that, a good way to feel in touch with ur local community can be things like volenteering and the like.

I know it’s hard out here for lesbians but you will find your person. My dms are always open if u wanna vent or just talk!

[briebysabs]

Romeo & Juliet in VnC

~Act I~

This is my crazed breakdown of the similarities, comparisons, and possible inspiration VnC has taken from Romeo & Juliet.

Keep in mind this is all for fun, my word is not the gospel truth, but maybe I've cracked a code.

First and foremost, let's get the obvious observations out of the way.

Two families that has been feuding for many years=humans and vampires

Typically in plays, Montagues wear contrasting clothes to the Juliets. Usually red vs. blue. Gee, that sounds familiar.

* The feuding families can also be crimson vampires vs. the blue moon vampires/clan whatever but I'm mostly keeping it broad to include humans. I will be mentioning Luna in later threads though so keep that in mind.

Vanitas and Noe refuse to pick a particular side. Now granted Vanitas is much pessimistic but the point still stands. And their refusal to choose a side has earned them trouble from both parties.

So let's begin.

-Prologue-

Prepares the viewer for this tragic tale, narrating how their love/relationship was doomed from the start. Wow, it's almost like Noe has been doing since the beginning. It also goes into how their deaths will end the feuding of their families. More on that in Act 5 but if we are going full Romeo and Juliet, I have a theory that Noe will die after writing the memoirs, but I'll explain that when we get there. Also, any translations I provide for quotes are from LitCharts (thank you cuz this old-timey language...)

Things to establish:

Romeo=Vanitas

Juliet= Noe

That's sounds crazy outta context but trust the process. And there are scenes where I don't literally mean this character will do so and so, but rather this incident or situation will be shown in the series.

-Act 1 Scene 1-

Fight between the Montagues and Capulets occurs. Prince breaks it off. Romeo shows his despair about love once he finds out that the woman he desires has chosen to be a nun. This could be Vanitas' mixed feelings on love. Thus, why he isolates himself and refuses to open up his heart. To Vanitas, love is unattainable (like a nun for instance).

“Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,

Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!”

→ How can love, meant to be blind, force you to be able to do what it wants!

“Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire......

that is not what it is!

This love feel I, that feel no love in this.”

→ Love is like heavy feathers, bright smoke, cold fire……the opposite of what it is! That is the love I feel, since no one loves me in return.

-Act 1 Scene 2-

Not much to delve into other than the introduction of Paris. We've been shown Lady Archiviste and a possible direction we could go if she isn't Noe's mother or sister, is her or any other Archiviste we meet down the line. Marrying Noe to preserve the Archiviste bloodline. Here the little worm in my ear comes with the “if Noe loves Vanitas aka a man when he’s called to marry a woman, isn’t that forbidden lo-” I smack it across the wall I am not here to talk about that! I could rant about how queerness, especially in the 1800s, relates to forbidden love in general. I could also go on with how Shakespeare, the playwright of R & J which popularized this trope, was queer himself but more into that when I do Hamlet. It's an interesting train of thought but my brain must put it aside.

-Act 1 Scene 4-

We meet Mercutio.

Dante is Mercutio.

It's perfect, look at him and tell me he isn't. Plus, Mercutio isn’t like Benvolio who is Romeo’s cousin. He isn’t a Montague or a Capulet. His association is made to Romeo only. Dante is not a human or vampire; his association is to Vanitas only as an information broker. And from this scene alone, we see the person Mercutio is as he acts somewhat as a guide for Romeo. He isn't hesitant to rebuke Romeo and goes on tangents repeatedly.

Idk this quote feels so Dante to me.

“If love be rough with you, be rough with love.

Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.—Give me a case to put my visage in!

A visor for a visor. —What care I

What curious eye doth cote deformities?”

→ If love is rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love when it pricks you, and you’ll beat love down. Give me a mask to put over my face. A mask to cover the mask I call my face. Why do I care if someone sees my flaws?

And remember, Dante had come with Vanitas when he met Noe in the La Baleline. Just like Mercutio had arrived with Romeo when he met Juliet at the Capulet's banquet.

-Act 1 Scene 5-

The party. Romeo and Juliet meet. There wasn’t much to pull from the encounter, but when Romeo began the small talk/flirting of saints, pilgrims, and prayer, it made me think of the church that vanoe fall into in chapter 1. How Romeo describes himself as being one with sin, Vanitas' low sense of worth, idk this is kind of a stretch but then again why are y’all reading this? Tybalt’s outrage that Romeo was present at the party reminded me of Ruthven when finding Vanitas at the ball. And it’s a member of the Capulet family, who prevents Tybalt, who is a relative, from drawing his sword. Noe convinced Ruthven to spare Vanitas.

With that, Act I is concluded!! I will be bringing in Act II on Monday and it gets a little crazy.

[fanfic-inator795]

Ranking my favorite animated dad characters because I can’t sleep

I realized that a lot of my favorite animated characters are dads, so fuck it. Let’s rank them both on their dad-ness and on their character overall.

7. Ansel Beauregard (Arlo the Alligator Boy/I heart Arlo): okay so, as much as I’m kinda hyperfocusing on this guy rn, he kinda HAS to get the lowest rank ‘cause like… he literally abandoned his gator baby in the sewer. Honestly the fact that he’s able to be likable at all is a damn miracle, but the movie and show pull it off surprisingly well.

Basically from the moment he finally accepts Arlo into his life, he’s trying his best to make amends - though admittedly he still doesn’t always go about it the best way, lol. Growing up bullied then isolated and then becoming crazy rich at a young age has definitely made him more than a little oblivious, out of touch and self-centered (though these parts of his personality are still funny/endearing instead of being annoying imo) but he still genuinely cares (even when he was unwilling to face his truth, he still gave Arlo advice that he at least thought was in Arlo’s best interest based on what worked for him) and I really do love the interactions he has with Arlo. I also love the whole bird-man aspect of him both as a character design and fun quirk, and his VA work and singing is also phenomenal. (Seriously, I’ve been listening to “Better Life” multiple times per day, someone pls I need help asdfghjkl)

6. Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Phineas & Ferb): So, back when I was a kid, Doof was definitely my favorite character, and while I’ve kiiiiiinda grown out of him in some aspects (his over-exposure in things like MML didn’t exactly help), I can still enjoy him for being a really funny and really enjoyable character.

Can he sometimes be annoying, slightly obnoxious and take up too much screentime in the latter seasons? Sure, totally. But like- I’m never gonna NOT love the ‘evil villain who has a huge soft spot for their child’ trope, it’s a classic for a reason. Doof is a dork and can be overbearing, but he’s also really sweet and will do anything for his daughter, including get himself stung by dozens of bees. It also can’t be denied just how many of his lines and moments can still get laughs out of me even after all these years. We Stan a petty ADHD-king and (not-so-)evil scientist dad.

5. Hamato Yoshi/Lou Jitsu/Splinter (ROTTMNT): oh hey, another dad with trauma - only instead of being bullied and forced to hide himself or having a nonsensical tragic backstory, he had to deal with generational trauma, being forced into fighting/killing for sport, and finally getting mutated which led to years of on/off depression. …yeahhhhh.

This is another character I really admire for just how well they’re written, even if he wasn’t always the best dad (though for the record, he wasn’t nearly as neglectful as some fans want to claim…) I think most Rise fans would agree that Splinter absolutely has the best arc in the series, going from a strictly comedy relief couch potato to a loving father/tragic figure who manages to rise above everything for the sake of his kids. He’s willing to let the world burn for the sake of his sons and I respect the hell out of him for it regardless of whether or not it’s the ‘moral’ choice. But he’s also still really funny and really cool when he wants to be, and for as much as I’ve drifted away from Rise, Splinter and his story is still one of the few aspects I adore and appreciate about this show.

4. Pete McGee (The Ghost and Molly McGee): Pete is just a super endearing character to me even if he arguably has the least going on of all the TGAMM characters. He’s a very typical goofy sitcom dad both in terms of design (which, ngl… Pete is kinda really cute? Am I the only one who sees it?) and attitude, usually only being used for comedy while Sharon is the one who gets to be the slightly more serious one and have the heart-to-hearts with/give advice to Molly.

But that’s fine because even if he’s not the deepest dad on this list, he’s still incredibly endearing imo. He’s a 100% Wife Guy, he struggles to stand up for himself but still always tries to stand up for his family, he inspired Molly to be heavily interested in community service, and he’s a dancer! Which is just a really fun quirk, hence why I really love both the Ice Princess episode and the Dance Dad episode (asdfghjkl I remember when Tess and I were watching the latter, she was cringing at all the TikTok dances while I was sitting next to her enjoying the song and just being like yeahhhhh get it Pete! Lol). While I do wish we could have gotten a bit of deeper character stuff with Pete, he’s still pretty solid and very enjoyable to watch.

3. Bob Belcher (Bob’s Burgers): we love our autistic Burger King babeyyyyy! Seriously though, while I’ve grown to love all the Belchers, there’s definitely a reason why I gravitated towards Bob first. He’s a mess of a guy who’s just trying his best to deal with all the chaos that life and his family throw at him, and we love him for it.

I love that even while being the most grounded character in the show, he’s not afraid of being a little unhinged and just fucking going off on someone or something. He’s also often the one who’s always trying to help others, even when it’s usually by accident given how much of an introvert he is. He loves his wife, his kids and his burgers with all his heart, and even when he’s at his worst (which is a rarity), you still are rooting for the best for him and want everything to work out. His heart-to-hearts with his kids (and with other characters) really are some of my favorite moments from the show. Furthermore, much like literally all the other characters on this list, his VA’s delivery just adds SO much to his character as well. I really do just love H. Jon Benjamin, he’s so hilarious and needs to voice more characters.

2. Rodolfo Rivera/White Pantera (El Tigre): Ah yes, my first favorite animated dad character, even before Doof. As such, I’m always gonna have a soft spot for this guy. Like I’ve said before, I love how he’s able to be both a goofy and super soft-hearted character but can also be a total badass at times, sometimes without even trying.

He just wants to protect his city and help his son grow up right, and I love him for it! He’s easily one of the funniest characters in the show, but I appreciate that he’s allowed to still be cool and still have a win occasionally. He also manages to be stern without ever becoming unlikable or unreasonable, given that he’ll still always be there for his son and father even when they’re doing things he doesn’t approve of, and I think it’s that overall balance that really endeared me to him, plus his great design+voice (if I had a nickel for every time I gravitated to an Eric Bauza-voiced dad, I’d have two-). His little catchphrase quirks like “okay be good!” and saying Manny’s full name live in my head rent-free, ngl.

1. Bill Green (Big City Greens) let me make this clear… I! LOVE! BILL! GREEN! He’s just… SO great. He’s wholesome, he’s funny and goofy, he’s sweet, he’s a loving father, he’s stern but still reasonable, he’s a hard worker, he’s super relatable, he’s a secret badass, he’s a huge dork, he sings about his truck and is super attached to his wood carvings - he really is just everything and I mean that in the best possible way.

While Cricket and Tilly are obviously the stars of the show, I really do love how much energy the show puts into making Bill this incredibly well-rounded and likable character who you just can’t help but sympathize with and root for when it comes to his farm stuff. I can’t say that he’s perfect, he’s definitely made a couple pretty poor decisions here and there, but overall I think he’s everything I want out of a great animated dad character (probably because he honestly reminds me a lot of my own dad - or at least, the positive parts of my dad). He’s not the only thing I love about BCG, far from it, but he’s definitely one of my biggest favorite things about it.

BONUS HONORABLE MENTION DADS:

- Vasquez (BCG): bodyguards/surrogate dads absolutely count. So happy that Vasquez has become much more prominent and fleshed-out as the show’s gone on, he’s just so great. Thank you Danny Trejo for voicing him, can’t wait for that s4 ep where Vasquez apparently goes to therapy

- Lego Batman (Lego Batman Movie): ah yes, the kick-starter to the Batman/Bat-fam phase I had in college. Fits right alongside characters like Ansel and Splinter for being obviously flawed dads (bro literally called his new son ‘expendable’ wtf Bruce) who still care a lot/grow to become better people over time through the influence of their kid. Will Arnett is still absolutely hilarious as this character, I love how he immediately goes into dad-mode when Robin gets slammed into the windshield, and that bit at the end where he finally tells Robin the truth about his ‘dads’ still gets me a bit teary-eyed

- Wild Knuckles (The Rise of Gru): technically a grand-dad but whatever. Like I said, I love my villains with a soft-side for their kid, and it makes me sad that the Rise of Gru fandom essentially ignored this guy in favor of hot young Dr. Nefario. Like- I don’t care if the arc between him and baby Gru was somewhat rushed, dude literally got himself burned alive by a huge dragon for his surrogate grandkid, he deserves better

If you’ve made it this far, let me know if you like any of these dad characters + what your favorites are ^v^

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for blackmailing a dude?

Ok I know we're off to a really bad start with that title. And I won't deny I am definitely an asshole for many other unrelated reasons, but bear with me for a second

So me (17f) and a bunch of other people are sorta trapped in a life-or-death game at the moment, and our kidnapper has definitely dug up a LOT of dirt on us and all the other victims. Some of this dirt might have included a bit of identity theft I've dabbled in, but that's part of the "unrelated assholery" and mostly isn't really relative here.

What IS relevant is that because of it, I haven't been going by my real name in years - my preferred nickname works with both the given name I've been claiming AND my birthname, so it's been pretty smooth sailing to get away with it!

Or, well, it had been going smoothly 'till a guy I'll call R (18m) just happened to accidentally stumble across my real birthname. An infirmary in this place happened to have a bunch of our medical info, which happened to have my birthname on it. Thankfully, we were the first two to find that room so I was able to take care of the papers before anyone else saw, buuuut...

There had already been a bit of suspicion tossed at me that I might be connected to the whole kidnapping shenanigans, just cause the other folks found out about some of my genuinely unrelated crimes and thought, yeah, of course the crime girl is the most likely to be suspicious! Which cmon that's just rude assumptions, my crimes are in a totally different ballpark then kidnapping and death games. Assuming the silly little con artist is involved in something of this scale? Pal that's like seeing a huge, well-carved sculpture and assuming the nearby artist is responsible even though he's clearly only interested in painting. C'mon my dudes.

Still, no one really knew about the whole identity theft part and I knew if that came out, there could be WAYYY more shit thrown at me. And considering, uh, "death game," a bigger target on my back is the last thing I need right now.

Tragically though, R is a dumbass. I say this with love of course, as he's also been one of the strongest forces of optimism and somehow keeping a cool head throughout this whole situation. he's also the funniest guy I have ever met. overall an amazing source of morale atm. But I genuinely don't think this dude thinks before he says anything. He is a terrible liar. So I'm kinda in a predicament with him of all people being the only one who knows.

I did a bit of digging though, and I found some of the dirt our kidnapper had on this guy - apparently he's also something of a phony, and he does NOT want this information getting out. So ya know. I made sure he knew that it wouldn't, so long as my little name secret didn't come out. Gotta give him an extra bit of incentive~

Which. Ok i know it's blackmailing. Nine times out of ten, I know those basic kindergarten morals are correct about Blackmail Is Bad :( But in THIS SITUATION SPECIFICALLY, it's kind of a survival tactic moreso then anything else so it's at least mildly less asshole-y.