#and whatever toadette's name actually is

[peaches2217]

Untarnished

Chapter 3 (TW: Brief but graphic descriptions of injuries)

AO3 link! | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Beginning

~~~

“P-presenting Her Royal Highness, Princess Daisy Nambuthiri of the Sarasaland Empire, Firstborn of Emperor Oleander and Heir Apparent to—”

“Move it!”

The squeak of an unfortunate messenger Toad being knocked against a wall preceded Daisy’s appearance, and not once did she look behind to acknowledge the carnage left in her wake. At some point in the near future, Peach knew she would have to make amends for whatever property destruction and bruised egos she’d doled out in her haste.

For the time being, the shock and joy that came with her arrival far outweighed any sense of responsibility. Peach stood as quickly as she could without getting lightheaded, and Daisy cried her name as she lunged forth, pulling her into a familiar, full-bodied hug, ever-so-slightly uncomfortable hug.

“Sacred Stars!” Daisy cried, her voice cracking. “Hooooly shit! The crazy bastard did it!”

Peach subconsciously filled in the blanks; “the crazy bastard” was Mario, she presumed, and “it” was her successful rescue. For Daisy of all people to consider such a feat foolhardy… Peach felt suddenly dizzy, her stomach heavy. It took a great deal of adversity to dishearten the strong-willed princess. 

Just how hopeless must her inner circle have felt as the weeks dragged on? Would anyone have been able to save her if Mario hadn’t?

She squeezed Daisy back, feebly, yet with all her strength. She was alive. She was alive and she was here and she would restore things to their proper order in due time, and that was all that mattered.

Daisy kept her hands on Peach’s shoulders when she pulled away, just as Luigi had the night before. Perhaps they both worried she would float away if they didn’t keep her grounded. She couldn’t blame them for such an assumption; she had lost most of her “padding,” so to speak, in the past months. Nothing fit the way it was supposed to anymore. Toadette had spent the better part of an hour pinning her into one of her nicer dresses here in her bedroom.

And judging by the distaste with which Daisy’s eyes swept over her attire, Peach guessed that she still didn’t look presentable enough.

“Oh, no,” she muttered, though she sounded more agitated than devastated. Her eyes then swept over the room until they fell upon Toadsworth, standing loosely at attention by the bed’s baseboard… and what joy remained in her face morphed into something far less friendly.

Peach knew exactly what was about to happen. Suddenly she didn’t feel quite so joyous either.

“And you! ” She threw an accusatory finger in his direction, so swift and sudden that he stumbled backward a step or two. “Maybe you can give me a good answer here!”

Peach instinctively jerked in his direction, intent on catching him, but he righted himself with a soft Hmph! before she could break from beneath Daisy’s hand. “Daisy,” she implored softly, returning her attention back to her belligerent friend, “this isn’t the time—”

“I had to fight through thousands of Toads and like a hundred different journalists and news crews just to get inside!” Daisy soldiered on. “Everyone’s saying the Princess is gonna give a speech at the top of the hour!”

In spite of Peach’s stuttered protests, Daisy pulled her into a side-hug, so tight that it actually hurt. Daisy’s strongest embraces were capable of bruising, even when Peach was in otherwise good health. She almost dreaded to think what her arms would look like after she was turned loose.

“But that’s crazy, right? She’s been a prisoner of war for the past three months and just got home last night! So that whole crowd’s just misinformed, and you’ve only got her all dressed and made up so you can figure out what she needs in the way of gowns and cosmetics, and the Princess isn’t doing anything that doesn’t involve food or rest for at least the next few weeks.” Daisy squeezed even tighter, and Peach swore she felt something pop. “Right? ”

“Hey! Cool your jets!” It was Toadette who spoke up now, throwing herself in front of the elderly steward with her arms spread wide. “Look, I get it! But do you think we didn’t try talking her outta this?”

“Oh, don’t go pinning this on—”

“She’s right.” Peach made her best effort to pry herself free of Daisy’s arm, wincing as she did so. Stars Almighty, she was still so sore. “Daisy, I agreed to this,” she said, quickly giving up her efforts and refocusing her energy. “Willingly, and against both of their wishes.”

Daisy scoffed, not even looking her way. “Toadsworth, you’re technically still in charge, right? Lay down the law! Tell her to get her butt back to the infirmary!”

Toadsworth’s features, already tense with indignity, turned solemn, betraying the extent of his weariness. Yes, he was still in charge. Yes, he had expressed reluctance at the thought of a press conference so soon. But he’d given her the freedom to choose, because he knew as well as she did what sorts of sacrifices needed to be made. Something burned within Peach, not quite anger, but close enough. Hadn’t he already endured enough?

“N-n-now, Lady Daisy,” he managed to interject, tapping his cane to the floor and gently pushing Toadette aside, “I understand your concern, but you must understand. This has been a difficult time for our kingdom. The people want a statement from their Princess.”

“The people—” Daisy sputtered for a moment, and she finally let go of Peach to engage in a spot of frustrated gesticulation. “Well! In that case, this princess has a statement to make, too…”

“Daisy…”

“The people can go bend over the railings and shove those cameras up their stubby— ”

“Daisy!” That feeling like anger flared into a flashover, granting Peach the strength to turn Daisy in her direction, take firm hold of her shoulders, and glare her into silence. She fell silent alright, but she glared right back at Peach, her turquoise eyes wide and her eyebrows furrowed, her cheeks hot with an anger far more indignant than her own.

Peach knew her friend too well to be upset at her behavior. Daisy’s hostility was never random. She was, if Peach had to guess, afraid. Just as Peach was afraid last night, hearing the screams of a loved one she couldn’t reach, helpless to ease his pain; such fear can push even the most level-headed of individuals to rash extremes. No one in such a state could make fully rational decisions.

“I’m going to wave and say a few words of encouragement, then I’m going straight back to the infirmary.” She squeezed Daisy’s shoulders in wordless reassurance. “I promise.” I don’t have the energy for much else, she thought about tacking on, but she decided against it. Best not admit just how tired she truly was.

Granted, she couldn’t pretend the idea thrilled her. To step into the public eye and show her people a Princess that had grown frail and emaciated, her golden hair now a lusterless yellow, a thick caking of makeup barely hiding a countenance burdened with scratches and bruises… she wanted to shed her regalia and wash her face clean. She wanted to crawl into her nightgown, cover herself in fluffy blankets, eat soup and laugh with her friends and just exist for a while.

She longed above all else to be back in Mario’s arms, warm and safe, drifting in and out of blissful sleep. She had promised to be there when he woke up again. Could he forgive her for abandoning him?

But she also longed to see her subjects once more. For three months, they’d lived under constant fear that she would never return, that life as they knew it would be uprooted and set ablaze. She wanted to stand in the sun before them so they could hear her voice and see for themselves that their resilience hadn’t been in vain.

Her duties as a ruler came above all else. She would be the people’s Princess for a few minutes, then she could be Peach again. Poor, pitiful, pathetic Peach. 

It took several seconds more of unbroken eye contact, but finally, Daisy’s face softened.

“You look terrible, Peach Pit,” she said, voice quiet. I don’t want to lose you again.

Peach couldn’t help but smile. “So I’ve been told.” You won’t.

Tinnnnng! Tinnnnng! Tinnnnng! The grandfather clock next to her writing desk chimed out the top of the hour. It was time.

“You’re sure about this?” Daisy covered one of Peach’s hands with her own, and the smile she returned was begrudgingly playful, if heavy. “Last chance. We can still bail you out.”

“I think I’ll live.”

With one more quick embrace, Daisy straightened the ruffles of Peach’s bodice, gave her sleeves a quick poof, then nodded in approval. Toadette’s carefree mannerisms and brash mouth belied a delicate touch with both fabric and cosmetics. Though she still didn’t care to look into a mirror, Peach trusted that she looked presentable.

This notion kept her calm as she made her way to the double balcony doors. “Right behind you, Princess,” she heard Toadsworth say as she rested her hands on the brass door handles, and that added an extra layer of mental security. Right. She wasn’t alone. A few words, a smile or two, and then it would be over. Simple enough.

With a quick breath, she gracefully pushed the doors open.

The world outside went still — and then plunged into chaos.

Interlacing her fingers and squeezing as hard as she could was all that stopped her from slapping her hands over her ears. The roar of the crowd was deafening. Cries of “Princess!” and “Oh, thank the stars!”  and a thousand other celebrations merged into a single mass of sound, rumbling and churning and vibrating in her eardrums.

The sunlight that assaulted her as she passed the overhang was equally relentless, and for a moment, it blinded her. All she could see was white. The roar was even louder with one less sense to guide her, and it was hot, she realized, her chilled skin suddenly vulnerable, burning—

His blood soaking into her dress was the first warmth she had felt in three months. Her hands stung when she touched him. When she jerked away at the pain, the top layer of his skin came with her, gooey and red and black. Skin wasn’t supposed to feel like that— he wasn’t supposed to look like that—

“Princess?”

Peach jolted, and it all slammed into focus: rolling green hills. A cloudless blue sky. A sea of colors and caps and polka dots, smiling faces, triumphant pink flags and banners.

No. No, no, this was her reality. This was her present, and this was her kingdom, and these were her people, and she couldn’t afford to lose sight of that, not so publicly.

Her feet stopped when she reached the balcony’s edge, and she held onto the wall for dear life, for fear of collapsing. The stones were warm, having basked all morning in the summer sun. It wasn’t heat of an oppressive or debilitating sort. It was comfortable.

It was home.

She lifted her head, and she raised her hand, and the world went silent once more. And with a disconnect she hadn’t known she was capable of, she closed her eyes, fell back onto a lifetime’s worth of training, and let that training do the talking for her.

.

.

.

.

.

“...so kickass! You did awesome! ”

“We shouldn’t have doubted you for a moment, Peach Pit! Look at you, showin’ ‘em who’s boss!”

“Excellent, my dear. Most excellent.”

It took a few moments for Peach to come back to herself. The sight of blue skies and green hills faded into swaths of white and pink silk, her hands planted in her lap, her eyes fixed on some point between or beyond them. The warmth of the sun had long since left her; once more, a chill settled over her, so familiar by now that she didn’t even shiver. The chair beneath and behind her felt both luxuriously soft and rigid.

Too many hands were on her. There was one on her back, one on her shoulder, one on her knee, one holding hers. She couldn’t breathe.

“Hey, hold up— give her some space! Give her some space. She needs a minute.” It was Toadette’s voice that made the call, and then all points of contact left her, and her newly-released body pulled in a loud, shuddering gasp of air, so deep and so fast that her lungs burned.

It took a few more breaths for Peach to be able to acknowledge the rest of her surroundings. She was back in her room, surrounded by her steward and two of her closest friends, the balcony doors closed once more.

“You okay?” It was Daisy who asked this, and after another breath, Peach was able to nod.

She had checked out. She had fully, mentally checked out from the moment she spoke until she got back inside. Peach wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with the phenomenon; being able to detach herself from her innermost thoughts and feelings and allow her training to take control had allowed her to save face in many a high-stress scenario.

It just… usually wasn’t this… intense.

A knock on the door gave her one more real-word happening to focus on. By the time Toadsworth reached the bedroom door, Peach was able to stand (with minimal wobbling) and collect herself, setting her shoulders back and lifting her chin. One more visitor. Okay. She could handle one more visitor.

The door opened, and suddenly Peach didn’t feel quite so collected anymore.

Luigi ducked his head and stepped into the bedroom, his cap clutched to his chest in a gesture of respect. He smiled at her, but it was an uneasy smile, one that only barely hid a metric ton of uncertainty. His eyes, only slightly less tired than last night, were unreadable.

He had caught her just before she left the medical ward that morning. He had promised he’d come get her if Mario’s condition worsened. He had grinned and promised she wouldn’t see him until she returned, stars willing.

Peach’s knees went weak beneath her. 

“D-don’t panic, Princess, don’t panic!” Luigi was quick to say, reaching out as if preparing to steady her. “Nothing’s wrong! Nothing’s wrong. Mario’s okay. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m so sorry.”

Though it was too late to keep her upright, Peach breathed a sigh of relief, sinking back into her chair. Too much. Today was just too much. “Nothing’s wrong,” she repeated, both in question and to resettle her nerves. 

But if nothing was wrong…

“Then what are you…?” Peach gestured up at him, letting her hands finish her sentence.

“Actually, there’s, uh… y’see, there’s nothing wrong, per say, but something’s…”  Luigi cracked his neck, his eyes uneasily darting to another corner of the room, and then he pulled his cap back onto his head. “I-I think you need to see for yourself.”

~~~

Sure enough, Mario was okay. Where he’d been swaddled in gauze when she’d left that morning, he was now uncovered, his entire upper half exposed.

And he looked… perfectly healthy. Almost unharmed.

Areas where Peach remembered gashes and deep scratches had faded into clusters of scars, the larger ones pink and fresh, the smaller ones pale, as though he’d attained the original injuries weeks ago. Patches of burnt skin that blistered and oozed the night before now wouldn’t even pass for sunburns, they blended so seamlessly into his skin. His face, completely unblemished, not even lingering hints of bruising or bleeding or anything of the sort.

Last night, there had been a gash in his left side, spanning from the base of his ribcage to his hip. When he’d first reached Peach, it spilled blood freely, and though she tried blocking the image from her head, she distinctly remembered seeing exposed, severed muscle and what might have been bone. Even after flooding him with every bit of magic she possessed, it only stayed closed — and barely, at that — thanks to strips she had torn from her own skirts and wrapped tightly around him. By the time they reached home, those strips were all but dripping with ichor and infection, pink fabric dyed red and green and yellow.

Now, that same wound idly seeped a clear fluid, the width of her thumb at its widest point, already scarring at one tip. Though a blanket covered everything from his hips down, she presumed the opposite tip was in a similar stage of healing.

Once she had gotten a proper eyeful, Peach sank into the loveseat against the wall, Daisy and Toadette quickly joining her on either side. The notion that she might be dreaming after all hovered nearby in spite of the informal guard flanking her; while the doctor filled everyone in, she quietly stamped her foot a few times to agitate the sores there. Good. She never felt pain in her dreams.

“I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything quite like this,” Dr. Toad (not to be confused with Dr. Nurse Toadessa or Captain Toad or Toad Himself) confessed. Beady eyes peered over thick spectacles, flicking back and forth between his patient and an oversized clipboard in his hands. “Now, I’ve seen a handful of 1-UP patients, and that’s about the closest comparison I can make, but…”

Peach’s eyes met Luigi’s, who was standing vigil at his brother’s bedside, and the question on his face was clear: Did you sneak him a 1-UP? She shook her head. 1-UPs, the colloquial term for a subspecies of Mushroom with power so potent it could even restore the dead, were found so rarely in nature that many still believed they didn’t exist. Ten of these specimens sat in the royal vault, but even Peach herself wasn’t permitted to access them without going through several layers of security and fail-safes.

And anyway, if she understood correctly how their magic worked—

“Well,” the doctor continued, “when someone consumes a 1-UP, everything heals up. The body’s restored to prime condition, any sicknesses or infections disappear, there’s no trace the patient was ever hurt to begin with.” He cleared his throat, and something like fascination twinkled in his dark eyes. “That’s where the divergence comes in: none of this has been instantaneous. He’s healing up like anyone else would, just… at an alarmingly accelerated rate.” 

Another four sets of eyes turned back to Mario, still sound asleep. One couldn’t tell just from looking that he had been on death’s door only twelve hours earlier. That should have gladdened Peach. But…

Alarming. She didn’t like that word at all. She knew with a fair amount of certainty that this wasn’t the work of her magic; the initial burst she’d transferred to him wore off in an hour’s time, and any additional slivers she’d slipped him surely weren’t strong enough to linger much longer than that, much less heal to this extent.

What, then…?

“So how bad was he last night?” Daisy asked.

“Pretty… pretty bad.” Luigi’s response was quiet, his eyes distant as he spoke, and Peach knew then that he’d seen exactly what she had seen. Possibly even more. She gnawed at the inside of her cheek and focused on taking deep breaths.

“So he’s gone through like, what,” Toadette chimed in, “two or three weeks’ worth of R&R in one night?”

“I’d say closer to a month or two. His infection’s almost completely gone. He’s still running a fever, but it’s a lot lower than it was last night.” Rolling up the sleeves of a comically oversized lab coat (or at least attempting to — they fell right back into place, earning a stifled chuckle from Daisy), the doctor scribbled some indistinct note onto his clipboard’s topmost paper. “Granted, I’ve only seen how 1-UPs affect Toads and Koopas and a Goomba or two. Maybe it works differently in humans?”

Though his tone carried the weight of skepticism, Peach was at least half-heartedly willing to accept it. Such specimens were rare, yes, but they did exist. Perhaps Mario had stumbled across one on his way to the Darklands and consumed it with the belief that it was just an ordinary Mushroom? That coupled with her magic could easily…

Wait. Come to think of it, had she even told anyone? Wouldn’t that be useful information to divulge?

“I did attempt to heal him myself.” She clasped her hands in her lap as she spoke, tapping her thumbs together absently. “What we’re seeing is beyond what I’m capable of, but perhaps that comes into play?”

Dr. Toad’s eyes flashed with revelation. “Ah! Of course!” he cried, waving his pen in her direction. “That would explain things a bit better. I imagine your wish power certainly played a role.”

“Wait— w-what exactly did you do? ”

Peach’s heart jolted at Luigi’s inquiry, then it gradually sunk as she faced him. She watched in real time as his face changed, surprise phasing into cogitation phasing into dawning realization, and she felt helpless to do anything but meet his darkening gaze as the implications set in.

“...What did you do?” he asked again, and Peach heard the question buried beneath loud and clear: If he was in such bad shape last night, how bad was it before you healed him?

Suddenly, she wished she hadn’t said anything. Or she at least wished she’d brought it to the doctor in private. She lowered her eyes and studied the stitching of her gloves. She’d hoped to spare him the knowledge.

“Well, I… I did what I could. I transferred as much of my magic as I could summon when he reached me and rationed out what remained on the journey home, so that he…” So that he wouldn’t bleed out or go septic or drop dead from shock. She had no desire to say as much out loud. Surely Luigi got the picture.

A quiet click-click-click echoed through the room. “Well,” Dr. Toad said, fidgeting with the thrust device on his pen as he thought, “I would guess that’s it. Your wish power can linger when used in large enough bursts, can it not? But I would expect the effects to weaken over time, especially the more you use up, not…”

When he didn’t finish his thought, Peach lifted her eyes to the doctor… and found him staring directly at her. Once more she watched as confusion morphed into realization, and this time, she came along for the ride.

Yes. She could only use so much wish power in one go before needing to recharge. She had never actually pushed beyond that point. Not before last night.

The doctor blinked once, twice, then he finally took the plunge, his voice stern but even: “How much of your power did you use, Your Highness?”

Peach swallowed.

“As much as I had,” she confessed, quietly. And when she still felt eyes boring into her, she added: “...and then some.”

A silence fell over the room, cold and heavy. The steady beeping of Mario’s heart monitor was Peach’s only proof that she hadn’t fallen deaf.

“Oh, Stars Almighty— Peach!” 

Peach winced. For Toadette to use her name alone, she knew she was in deep trouble.

“You’re not some well of infinite magical ability!” her lady-in-waiting continued. “You know if you keep using magic after you use up all your wish power—”

“—I deplete my lifeforce.” Balling her hands into loose fists, Peach found the nerve to look her directly in the eye, unwavering. “I’m well aware.”

Yes, she knew the risk of overextending herself. An innate magic lay deep within her, so potent and pure that it allowed her to wield the power of the Stars Themselves; this, in turn, was what granted her the ability to heal, to renew. Yet she was only human, and she could only wield so much of that magic safely. The Stars would therefore only grant her a limited amount of power each time she summoned it.

She could push herself beyond what the Stars would permit, and she could tap into her magic directly once her wish power was expended, but doing so would come at a cost: the depletion of her lifeforce. Toadsworth drilled this information into her head every time she so much as healed her own paper cuts in his presence.

She’d never stopped to wonder what exactly depleting her lifeforce meant, or even implied; she’d never been in a position where she had to. She’d vaguely interpreted this warning as Your magic at its most powerful is so taxing that it will overwhelm your body and kill you.

But it was far more than that, she understood now. Her lifeforce and that dangerous, forbidden magic within her were one and the same. She knew full well the risk she took in giving Mario that final push to the finish. What she hadn’t realized — what she realized now — was that the magic she had desperately transferred to him in those final moments was far more than mere magic.

She had, in essence, given him part of her very soul, the ether that breathed being into her. And the only reason she was still alive was because he had broken free and urged her to make that last push alongside him.

Peach grit her teeth and stamped her foot once more, and the stinging sensation in her sole distracted from the burning in her eyes. He had saved her twice over. No reward would ever come close to being payback enough.

The sofa dipped on one side of Peach, then Daisy stood, the newly-decompressed cushion sending Peach toppling over onto Toadette.

“So… what does that mean?” Daisy pinched the bridge of her nose, her eyes shut and brows furrowed tightly, and as Peach righted herself and muttered an apology to her lady-in-waiting, her fellow princess began to pace the width of the room. “‘Depleted her lifeforce’? What does— does that mean she’s, like, a goner? Is she dying now? How much time does… Oh, Peach, what did you…!”

Her voice pitched and cracked as she spoke, her freckled cheeks growing darker, and Peach desperately tried and failed to still the trembling that overtook her. Daisy was once more answering fear with anger. Peach wanted so desperately to alleviate her woes, assure her that everything would be alright, magically undo everything that had been done, somehow... but there was nothing worth undoing. Knowing for a fact that her actions saved Mario’s life, she couldn’t bring herself to regret what she had done. Did that make her remorseless? Selfish?

Guilt and pride and joy and fear. Peach wanted now more than ever to sink into the loveseat’s cushions, to curl into a ball and disappear until this poison fog of emotions passed her by.

“Clearly she’s not a goner, ” Dr. Toad mercifully interrupted, “lest she wouldn’t be here with us now.” He flipped frantically through the papers on his clipboard, as if one of them might contain a field guide for such a niche problem’s diagnostic outlook. “Her, uh, her lifeforce should be self-sustaining, same as her wish power. It’ll likely refill given time.”

“You don’t know that for sure?!” 

“Admittedly there’s very little documentation on—”

“Well maybe all you geniuses should have documented this shit better —”

“Hey, hey, we’ll figure it out, don’t—!”

A quiet groan silenced the trio of overlapping voices. Peach’s leaden heart suddenly leapt into her throat.

Mario was no longer the picture of peaceful rest. His face was screwed into a tired grimace, and he turned his head away from the commotion at his bedside with another pained noise.

He still sounded so weak. Peach wanted so terribly to rush to his side, take his hand, ease what remained of his pain somehow. Show him that she hadn’t broken her promise after all. She scooted to the edge of her cushion, waiting for his eyes to flutter open.

They never did. Mario sighed in his sleep, and then he was still and silent once more, his chest steadily rising and falling.

Looking over to Luigi, Peach’s heart fell once more. Had he been this pale all day? She realized, watching him stare down at his brother with hollow eyes, that he hadn’t spoken at all since Peach made her confession.

“Perhaps we should continue this at another time,” Dr. Toad suggested in a voice just above a whisper. His spectacles had fallen halfway down his face in the preceding havoc, and now he took a moment to set them back in place, smiling at Peach. “Let me bump caps with some other minds. I’ll get you some more definitive answers, Your Highness.”

She cleared her throat. “And in the meantime?”

“In the meantime… I would recommend abstaining from any and all uses of magic. Err on the side of caution.”

“Oh yeah,” Daisy said, shooting a glare at Peach that made her stomach churn. “Don’t worry, Doc. We’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything so stupid again.”

“Daisy,” Toadette groaned, and Peach felt a comforting hand on her lap, but the damage was already done. She rose to her feet and trained her eyes on the sterile white floors and excused herself, pointedly ignoring the calls of her name as she retreated back to her medical room.

By the time she managed to free herself from swathes of pins and fabric, her tears had already washed a good portion of her makeup away, which at least gave her one less thing to worry about removing.

~~~

Luigi stood the moment he caught sight of Peach in the doorway, removing his cap and ducking his head with a small smile. He didn’t look nearly so pale now, and his eyes seemed fully alert, and that was all good, Peach decided. 

“Has he woken up?” 

“For a little bit. Just a couple minutes.” He stepped aside as she approached, gesturing to the chair he had pulled up to Mario’s bedside, a silent offer for his seat. Peach shook her head and held her right hand palm-out in grateful rejection. “Still pretty out of it, but he’s not hurting as bad,” he continued, pushing the chair aside so she could comfortably stand beside him. “Even got him to have a snack! Just a couple of crackers, but definitely a step in the right direction.”

Peach smiled down at her sleeping hero, and for a moment, everything that weighed heavy upon her was forgotten. Crumbs still lodged in his mustache and fledgling beard backed Luigi’s story up. He had finally been given a proper medical gown, baby blue with a green Mushroom pattern. It looked quite cute on him.

She couldn’t resist stepping forward to rest a palm atop his hand. An IV drip remained taped in place, but the surrounding skin trauma that had just last night overflowed from beneath his bandages was nowhere to be found.

“Did he say anything?” she chanced.

In her peripheral, he nodded. “He asked about you.”

Peach winced without really meaning to. Her momentary cheer dissipated just as easily, and a creeping guilt gnawed a hole into her gut, small but festering. Guilt for leaving his side; guilt that his brother’s attentive care was met only with inquiries regarding her.

“I said you were in the shower and you’d be right back. He seemed happy with that answer. Went right back to sleep afterward, heh...” Even without looking, she could hear the strained smile in his voice. Was he upset? She certainly couldn’t fault him if he was.

She had already monopolized enough of his time with Mario. The least she could do was back off until she was called for again. After all, she knew now that her hero would live. With the uncertainty eliminated, she could happily retreat until she was needed again. Or she could at least suffer through the loneliness in contented silence.

Giving his warm hand one last squeeze, Peach withdrew, turning to apologize and excuse herself—

“He died, didn’t he?”

Peach blinked.

Luigi wouldn’t look at her. His eyes remained fixed on Mario, his smile hollow, distant.

“I…” Suddenly she felt as though her whole mouth was stuffed with cotton. “What?”

“Your—” Luigi began to shake his wrists out, a favored stim of his when words wouldn’t come easily. “Princess, I’ve seen your wish power. I-I’ve seen you do things I didn’t think were possible with it. And if even that wasn’t— I mean, if you had to… I-I’m still not real sure I follow everything, but if you drained your lifeforce somehow…”

With a huff, he finally faced Peach. His brows were furrowed, his eyes were dark, but he didn’t look angry, just hurt. “Was he dead? At some point, was he dead?”

Peach stood uselessly, her mouth opening then shutting just as quickly. She didn’t know. In the time it would have taken her to assess Mario’s condition when he first reached her, he would have died. That was the only thing she was certain of. Had she brought him back from a newly-crossed horizon, or had she only narrowly prevented him from crossing in the first place? She didn’t know.

Her silence still gave Luigi the answer he needed.

Inhaling sharply, he ripped his cap from his head, letting it fall carelessly to the floor, and buried his fingers into his hair. “You…” He tightened his grasp and yanked at his hair, though whether he winced from the pain of that action or the pain within him Peach couldn’t say for sure. “Y-you…!”

She balled her hands into fists and held her breath, willing a surge of fresh tears away. You killed him. You almost took him away. You’re horrible. I hate you. You should have died instead. All warranted, all perfectly fair thoughts, all things she needed yet selfishly couldn’t bear to hear. She would take it with composure, and then she would spend the remainder of her natural days in atonement, whatever good that might do—

“You brought him back to me…!”

Before Peach could process these words, he let go of his hair in favor of lunging at her… and wrapping his arms around her.

Not for the first time that day, Peach went still beneath the force of shock, unable to do anything but draw shallow breaths and stare at the wall ahead of her. This embrace was so much tighter than the one he’d pulled her into yesterday, so much more forceful, and rather than smile and feed her words of cheerful encouragement, he buried his face into her shoulder and cried so hard that his whole body shook and his tears rapidly saturated her nightgown.

You brought him back to me.

Hesitantly, Peach returned his embrace, because she was certain her legs would fail her if she didn’t grab hold of something.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out, and though her body still felt too stunned and weak to produce tears, her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry, Luigi—”

“You saved him,” Luigi interrupted, his voice half-absorbed by her gown. “I never really let myself think about it but I kinda just accepted that he wasn’t coming back, y’know? Because he always told me he’d die for you, but— but you could’ve— and you still—”

Peach sniffled, digging in deeper and fighting against the ever-growing desire to crumple to the floor. She wouldn’t have had to save him in the first place if he hadn’t gotten himself killed or near to it rescuing her. The fact that he needed saving in the first place was all her fault.

He’d die for you. This wasn’t news to Peach. It was Mario’s job as her guard to protect her with his life. She had witnessed him hold to that vow with her own eyes. But to hear it spoken so plainly, so openly, now that everything was okay—

“Grazie. Grazie. Grazie di cuore, Principessa…! Grazie…!” Thanks continued to pour from Luigi in his native tongue, each one more heartfelt, more overwhelmed, more agonizing than the last. She had caused his brother so much pain — she had caused them both so much pain, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and he was thanking her? For doing what literally anyone else would have done in her shoes? For doing the bare minimum for someone she claimed to love with her whole heart?

For being so useless that it took the sacrifices of others just to keep her alive?

A few tears finally managed to slip down her cheeks as the barrage of unwarranted gratitude continued, but she fought with what little strength and stamina was left within her to remain silent. She had forced others to shoulder her hardships for long enough. It was high time she returned the favor. And if that meant keeping her mouth shut and suffering in perfect silence, then so be it.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 200: Mushroom Mushroom

Previously on BnHA: We flashed back to Tokoyami’s workplace experience and later internship with Hawks. During the former, Hawks was pretty much one step ahead of his sidekicks and poor Toko the entire time, and they were reduced to running around after him as his cleanup crew. A frustrated Tokoyami asked why he’d drafted him and Hawks said it was mostly because he wanted to talk to one of the 1-A kids about the USJ attack. This frustrated Toko, but he still chose to go back to Hawks’s agency during his For Reals Internship, and this time he showed off some new skills he had learned and Hawks was actually impressed. He revealed to Tokoyami that the other reason he’d initially drafted him was because he thought Toko was wasting his potential: “if you’ve got wings, you should stretch them out and fly.” Back in the present, Tokoyami revealed his new Black Fallen Angel technique, in which Dark Shadow basically carries him around in his arms while they fly around. He busted this move out to rescue Aoyama from Kuroiro’s clutches, but before they could capture Kuro, Kendou’s team switched to their plan B, and Toadette suddenly made a mushroom sprout from the tip of Momo’s nose. Okay.

Today on BnHA: Toadette sprouts a bunch of mushrooms everywhere and it’s deeply and profoundly unsettling and no one likes it and what the fuck is wrong with Horikoshi honestly. Anyway, apparently Kendou planned it so that even if Team A was able to counter Kuroiro with a “light” technique, they’d still end up revealing their location, and on top of that they’d weaken Dark Shadow too. Momo tried to gather her team to regroup, but before they could, Team B’s Manga struck with his incredibly badass quirk which allows him to create physical onomatopoeia. Like, this dude creates a wall of giant letters by shouting something to the effect of “BAM KERSLAM” and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Then he makes the air all humid by whispering the onomato for “muggy.” This causes Toadette’s mushrooms to grow even faster, which I hate so much. Anyway, so Momo is cut off from the rest of her team by the giant letters, and Kendou proceeds to attack, knowing she has the advantage in a physical one-on-one match. The rest of the chapter is just Shouto quietly hyping up Momo from the sidelines, which I think we can all appreciate. Go Momo.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 223, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE COVER CELEBRATING 200 CHAPTERS OF THIS RUCKUS

though it’s interesting that they didn’t get a color page! but this seriously is adorable so it’s fine

(ETA: and they probably didn’t get a color page because this chapter is the shortest chapter in history lol. we’re lucky we got what we did.)

I’m trying to figure out if Katsuki is actually trying to smile but just doesn’t know how to do so on command. like, he’s baring his teeth, but it’s not quite as ferocious as usual, ya feel? I feel like he knows the mechanics of smiling on a theoretical level but has no idea which muscles to use, and so he just ended up like that and was all “fuck it that’s close enough.” if you really want him to smile you gotta earn it

meanwhile Shouto is just not making any kind of effort at all. I don’t think he was ready yet

and Iida is clearly the one taking the selfie so let’s take a moment and give him some props for getting as good of a shot as he did considering what he’s working with

this also feels like as good a place as any to stop for a sec and analyze the changes in Horikoshi’s art style over the past 200 chapters. overall it hasn’t changed all that much, but one thing I’ve noticed is that the characters’ faces used to be longer and more angular, particularly the chin area (especially the male characters), and nowadays they’re all a bit more rounded out. also their necks used to be longer. the overall effect is that they all look a bit younger and more adorable. characters like Ochako have barely changed at all, but the difference is much more apparent in characters like Todoroki and Shinsou and even Deku himself

anyways, just wanted to make a note of that, since it’s something that’s been in the back of my mind since Shinsou’s reappearance. now back to our regularly scheduled chapter!

so yeah, mushrooms

something about this is so powerfully and viscerally unsettling. do I have mycophobia??

ffffffff oh my godddddd

or maybe it’s just the ol’ trypophobia acting up. ffffff I feel nauseous in a way I haven’t since fucking Moonfish’s teeth attacks. please don’t tell me the whole chapter is going to be like this, because I’m not kidding when I say that my stomach is doing flips in the bad kind of way

(ETA: yeah it’s definitely mycophobia. fungus creeps me out. this chapter is a fucking nightmare for me honestly. the weird thing is mushrooms are actually delicious. I don’t mind eating them, I just don’t want to look at them or acknowledge them ever basically I guess. anyway. back to this ordeal.)

this is a fucking nightmare quirk. this is up there with Centipeder. if I had this quirk I’d be knocking on AFO’s door all “take it, buddy. go ahead and sign me up for your evil army, whatever. just fucking take it dude”

also just a reminder that her name is actually Toadette. it just is

you know it’s bad when I agree with every word that Mineta is saying

RIGHT?!

fucking Awase trying to play it off like it’s not so bad. even though she has a bad habit of “spamming” them “everywhere.” holy shit. at this rate I’m going to have to cancel the entire class B. you’re all fucking contaminated jesus christ

(ETA: and looking more closely at Awase’s face, you can tell that he’s secretly traumatized and has Seen Some Shit and he’s trying to play it cool here but buddy we know. it’s okay. you’re among friends here.)

so now Kuro is hiding inside one of the mushrooms

didn’t you already try this plan. didn’t you literally just try this and it failed

also wouldn’t Dark Shadow notice that some guy was hiding inside of him? I feel like he’d notice that. no?

so apparently this was Kendou’s plan. she’s counting on A Team not realizing that B Team can take control of Dark Shadow

so they can do that then? then why didn’t they do that earlier when Kuro hitched a ride on Dark Shadow back to their group??

(ETA: lol exactly how long did it take me to realize this was a flashback)

ah, okay, so that was part of the plan. hold up, let me just shut up and read this whole thing before I cast any further judgement

...well that tells me absolutely nothing. okay so they thought that would work, but just in case it didn’t, they had a plan B also which we’re about to see take effect now. okay then so let’s see it!

so meanwhile Momo is telling her team to stay calm and that they need to regroup

and now there’s a lot of noise coming from deeper within the training ground

what the hell is happening here. this almost sounds like it’s purposely meant to be a distraction

now something is zooming down the corridor too fast to be seen

(ETA: lol those were the letters)

OH SHIT!!

IS THIS MANGA’S POWER?? HOLY SHIT!?

and if it is, then why are they surprised? surely the first fucking thing they would have done upon seeing Manga would be to ask what the hell their quirk is. like, if I personally saw someone walking around with a speech bubble in place of a head, I wouldn’t be able to fucking sleep at night until I knew. it’s just one of those things. you gotta know

we have a new Best Quirk ladies and gentlemen. sorry, whoever it was that had the previous best quirk. you had a good run

(ETA: so I just got done answering an ask about the class B quirks and I gotta say, Horikoshi really outdid himself with most of them, they’re amazing.)

can he only materialize katakana or can he do hiragana, kanji, roman alphabet, etc.? inquiring minds want to know

(ETA: I bet you he can do all of them. Manga ilu)

also class B has several people with no actual heads or faces and I’m very curious as to how they see, hear, etc. he doesn’t have eyes, people!!

but I still love him though

wow his letters are so sturdy that Aoyama’s laser can’t even scratch them. holy shit. you know two paragraphs ago when I was all “best quirk” but like jokingly? well now I’m thinking real seriously on it, let me tell you though

okay what

okay now I’m pretty fucking sure this is in fact the strongest quirk of all time!?

lmao Satou is wondering the same thing as me about Manga’s powers. “how would those onomatopoeia work in foreign countries?”

(ETA: Viz’s translator Caleb Cook took this to be Horikoshi’s way of saying “lol sorry in advance for this bruh” which I find hilarious.)

and Sero’s all “I DUNNO JUST BE QUIET AND WATCH.” Sero I feel personally attacked

oh shit it looks like Manga’s wall cut Momo off from the rest of her squad

well you know what, if Horikoshi had to make them lose for plot reasons, then this is about as good of a job as he could have done. you know that if Momo had remained with the rest of her team they would have pulled out a victory. Kendou knew that cutting her off from the others was key

OHHHHHHHHH SNAP

YESSSSSSS BRING ME MY BADASS LADY BATTLE

damn Kendou’s attack was so powerful that the impact still hit Momo even with the shield up

whoa, had we seriously not gotten one of these for Kendou before? even with everything she did during the Fanfic Lodge arc?

I love that she was smart enough to know that she wasn’t smart enough to best Momo. like, that’s not a knock against her at all; according to the character book Momo has S-ranked intelligence, the highest you can get. she’s on a level matched only by the Rat Principal and fucking All for One (and All Might, but he’s S-ranked in everything and clearly that’s just because he’s All Might)

and for the record, Kendou herself has A-ranked intelligence, which is the same level as Mei and smarter even than Deku and his Big Hero Brain. so yeah -- she’s good

and I got a bit off track, but anyway I was just trying to say that I love that she knew she had to strategize so that she could battle on her own terms

she’s shouting that she won’t give Momo any time to think

and she’s diving in with some more attacks!

so now it’s Momo’s turn, though! this is how she lost to Tokoyami in the sports festival! he took advantage of the fact that she needed a moment for her quirk to activate, and also to think of a plan. this is a weakness Momo has to overcome if she’s going to keep moving forward

ooh, Todoroki is still quietly confident in her!

so now Tetsu’s looking at him in surprise

and now Momo’s thinking back to what Kendou said about Momo constantly outshining her

and she’s thinking that Kendou couldn’t be more wrong, that even now she’s still just a novice

yes!! show her, Momo!

LOOK HOW SUPPORTIVE HER BOYFRIEND IS

fuck me, I’m gonna have to figure out how to work Shouto into this polyamorous MomoJirouKami triangle thing. why does everyone in 1-A have so much respect and admiration for each other??

and especially for someone like Momo, who even now is still so hard on herself and lacks confidence, to have someone who has such absolute faith in her is so, so huge. and Shouto is just so fucking eager to tell the whole fucking world how much he believes in her and how she’s going to kick ass and just wait and see

YESSSSSSSSSSS

oh my god. I’m so fucking conflicted!! I want Momo to kick ass so bad. but I don’t want 1-A to just sweep all five battles. and I also want Kacchan’s team to win because he needs a fucking win! but if anyone else from 1-A wins leading up to his group, then I feel like he can’t because that would mean 1-A wins the whole thing then and there, and Deku’s group becomes just a formality at that point

also holy shit you guys, this chapter was only 10 fucking pages. and one of those was a (black and white) cover page. this has got to be the least amount of fanfare I’ve ever seen for this kind of milestone, particularly for a series at this level of popularity. damn

but I’m guessing Horikoshi just needs a break, which is fine. probably it’s either shorter chapters, or One Piece-style frequent weekly breaks, or else unfinished chapters like we get every so often. I generally think it’s good for the writer of the series to get to sleep more than three hours a night, so sure, you know what, do as many 10-page chapters as you like. I’ll be grateful for whatever lol

(ETA: apparently Horikoshi mentioned in an author’s comment back in December that he was moving. so that may well be why the chapters got really short for a while. the last half dozen or so have been a consistent 15 pages each, so hopefully we’re past that now and I can get my solid weekly fix for the next couple weeks until we hit Golden Week and WSJ goes on break and I fall into withdrawals and have to compensate by seeing Avengers: Endgame seven times sob.)

[writeranon69]

What headcanons do you have for what I consider the main Mario cast?

(Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Rosalina, Yoshi, Toad, Wario, Waluigi, Bowser, and Bowser Jr.)

(INHALES)

Mario

He overworks himself and only Luigi and/or Peach can stop him

He has a crush on Peach that's stupidly obvious to everyone

He, Luigi, Toad, Yellow Toad, and Blue Toad live together

He wants to be buddies with Bowser!

Professional Memer

That one father figure of the entire Kingdom

Anger Issues sometimes

SASSY AS HECK WHEN GIVEN THE CHANCE

Luigi

A lot more timid than Mario but also a lot more sarcastic thanks to Daisy

Daisy is actually the who has a crush on him that's extremely obvious but he keep ignoring it due to this thing called low self-esteem

Sibling Fights

Great Singer

The Koopalings actually kinda like him!

Unironically friends with Waluigi

Pays attention to every. Single. Miniscule. Detail.

Peach (Writer's least Favorite)

Wakes up at like, 3 AM in the morning to get all of the governing of the Kingdom stuff out of the way so she has time to spend with her friendos all day

She has a crush on Mario that's STUPIDLY obvious to everyone

Learning to protect herself

Literally the definition of a Mario Magnet

Chaotic as all heck, not afraid to show it

Like two other girls from a GOOD few Kingdoms and Towns over, she pulls of "Mario Heists" and just snatches Mario on occasion

Wants to make peace with Bowser but doesn't know how to do so...

DEEPLY REGRETS NOT ACCEPTING MARIO'S PROPOSAL ON THE MOON WHY DIDN'T SHE DO IT

Not just a master baker, but she can cook as a whole! She cooks breakfast for the whole castle.

Daisy

Follows Peach's example of waking up early to govern the Kingdom

Loud. Very loud. Learning to quiet down.

Sports Enthusiast

Has a crush on Luigi that is SO OBVIOUS BUT HE KEEPS DEFLECTING HER HINTS

Tries to get Rosalina to stop being so lazy

She doesn't prefer dresses, but she will wear them if she has to. She likes shorts more.

"Hey Bowser, remember that time where I wrecked you?"

"A complete doofus", she calls herself.

Finds herself Annoying, everyone tries to cheer her up.

Rosalina

SHE IS VERY VERY LAZY

Wants to sleep in but has all these children--

You're bound to see her in her pajamas when you casually see her on the Comet Observatory

All the Lumas can take care of themselves and all of the younger Lumas, but due to her Mom Instincts that keep on kicking in, she ends up taking care of the Lumas anyway

Likes drawing as a pastime!

Stupidly Protective of Mario and Peach for whatever reason

Really likes Daisy. A lot. A lot a lot.

"Mama why are you drawing that orange girl again with hearts around i--"

(Shuts the Sketchbook)

A Gamer

Yoshi

The same Dino who cared for Mario and Luigi as babies!

During those "Yoshi Sacrifices" in Super Mario World, he actually flings Mario up himself and just respawns in another egg.

One of the only Yoshi's who can speak English, as well as Yoshi!

Give him an apple and he'll love you forever. I'm being serious.

He likes relaxing a lot.

Also lives with Mario, Luigi, and the Toads, but has his own house in case he needs some peace and quiet.

Wants to be friends with Kamek. Desperately.

Has a Shy Guy friend named Shy. This Shy Guy is the same Guy who you're able to play as in the Spinoff Titles.

Toad

Loyal and Adorable!

Tries to keep his voice down as he knows how loud it can get

Also suffers from low self-esteem due to said voice

The same Toad from the Mario Spinoffs and Wario's Woods.

To differentiate himself from other Toads, he gave himself the name, Trevor.

Mario and Luigi are like brothers to him!

Yellow and Blue Toad are liked little brothers to him.

He likes Toadette, who reciprocates!

Can sprout magical mushroom spores from his head. Most Toads have this power.

Captain Toad is he.

Wario

Not as rude as you think he is

DESPISES NFTS, EVEN HE KNOWS HOW MUCH THEY SUCK

That one good friend who may be disgusting but is better than everyone thinks

He's like a Dad to the kids who are in Diamond City. Specifically Penny Crygor and 8-Volt.

Him and Waluigi are brothers!

Knows how to make Bob-Ombs.

Good Friends with King Bob-Omb!

Weirdly, nobody is in his interest at the moment. (He doesn't like anyone in this point in time)

Master Treasure Hunter. He ends up running into a certain red echinda on occasion...

Waluigi

A laughingstock of the Mushroom Kingdom

Unironically friends with Luigi

Everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom who's in Smash actually want him in.

Master Dancer.

Does a bit of gardening! Where do you think he gets all those roses?

A bit much on occasion. Poor taste of humor.

He's aware of all the memes people have made about him...

Bowser

Father first, kidnapper later.

The Koopalings were adopted. Treats them like his own.

Spoils every single one of his kids.

He doesn't pick favorites, Kids or Minions.

Good friends with a Goomba of all people. The same Goomba who's playable in all the spinoff titles.

Is aware of Mario wanting to be friends with him. Slowly warming up to the idea.

Wants to make peace with the Mushroom Kingdom but doesn't know how...

Kamek is his adoptive father and Second in Command.

That one Dad Friend who's done a lot but you hang out with him anyways

Likes Spicy Food a lot!

Actually has enough money to pay for his minions!

Fury Bowser is still kinda...inside him. Please don't make him overly furious.

Bowser Jr.

Showers his siblings with love and gifts

Good Pals with the Broodals

That Clown Car of his is SENTIENT and he loves it

He's in, like, the 5th Grade.

Likes playing Video Games! Especially Switch titles.

So you know that one Orange Inkling in Smash? Jr. may or may not have a bit of a crush on her...

Coincidentally, she goes to the school he goes to. She just lives a few Kingdoms and Towns over.

Extra Careful with his Paintbrush nowadays due to the...Fury Bowser, incident.

Cares a lot more about Mario after he helped his Dad.

MY WORK HERE IS DONE.

[formalmess]

For Your Entertainment ~ Chapter One

Summary: Luigi receives a mysterious letter. 

Warnings: N/A

A/N: Welcome to the show! This is a dark little horror-esque story I wrote and finished up last year, and since it’s the month of spookiness, what better time than now to post it here? It may be a bit familiar to some people since I’ve published it elsewhere before, but I have changed and polished up some things since it’s publication last year. To the newcomers, welcome! Fair warning in advance though, this story will get darker. Keep an eye out for warnings in the future. But until then and without further ado, enjoy!

“Mail call!” Parakarry’s voice eagerly called out through the morning air. 

He flapped his wings before landing, stretching out his arms and wings before reaching into his mailbag. He opened the mailbox outside the manor before him, whistling as he dug through his bag for the mail meant for this house.

He craned his neck, turning up to look at the green manor situated just up a small hill, a stone path leading to the front door. The quaint manor was certainly not the most extravagant of living spaces, but it was suitable. There was a well maintained garden gracing the front lawn, flowers of all colors, shapes, and sizes displayed upon the path.

Parakarry wiped the sweat off his brow, readying himself to fly off again when a voice called out.

“Good morning, Parakarry!”

Parakarry stopped, turning.

The owner of the manor appeared, rushing down the stone path to greet the Paratroopa with a smile on his face. The brunette’s hair was messy, his mustache uncombed as visible dark circles became apparent under his bright blue eyes. He had most likely just crawled out of bed.

“Ah, Luigi! Good to see you’re chipper today.” Parakarry grinned, watching as Luigi rushed up to the fence lining the yard, leaning against it.

“How’re you doing today, Parakarry?”

“I’m doing quite well. A bit frazzled, but quite well.”

“A lot of stuff to deliver today, huh?”

“That’s not even the half of it.” Parakarry chuckled. “The post office has been chaos since this morning. Postmaster said there was this little toad girl running around the office asking the rest of the employees about something. She’d been there since we opened. Totally threw him for a loop.”

“Do you know who she was?”

“No idea. The Postmaster thinks she was handing out fliers for something, I don’t know. He was already ordering me to get my tail out here, I didn’t have time to ask.”

“Oh, well, you’re right on schedule, I’d say.” Luigi laughed.

“I’d like to think I’m getting much better at delivering the mail on time.” Parakarry chuckled, slightly embarrassed. “If you happen to find anything in your mail is missing, that’s probably my fault… But, I’ll be sure to drop anything I missed off later, once I finish my route for today.”

“Well, don’t work too hard. Can I get you anything before you head off, Parakarry? I could get you a drink or something…”

“Oh, no. I’m in fine shape. Just have a long day ahead of me. There’s been a lot more letters coming in recently, which I hypothesize has something to do with that get-together the princess has been planning.”

“It’s only a meeting, Parakarry. I don’t think it’s that exciting.” Luigi smiled. “No one’s gonna be sending letters out to their grandparents about some king or prince coming to the Mushroom Kingdom to discuss economics with the princess.”

“Well, Toad Town gets excited over the littlest things, you know. Whether that be royalty figures getting together for, say… a ball, or a meeting, or a conference, or even for... tea time, really!”

“They’re just gonna be talking about trade negotiations and stuff like that. It’s all boring.”

“Oh, right, I’m sorry. I forgot you knew so much about the princess’s business ever since you and that prince got hitched… Your Highness.” Parakarry sneered, bowing playfully. “You’re going to be at the meeting anyway, don’t even know why I brought it up.”

“I’m not really royalty, Parakarry.” Luigi crossed his arms, a faint blush on his face as he turned, exhaling. “I’m just the prince consort.”

“Sureee… whatever you say.” Parakarry shrugged. “Just don’t come crying to me if you ever get kidnapped by Bowser or anything. If his knack for capturing royalty keeps up, that is.”

Luigi chuckled. “Then you’ll have to team up with Mario again to rescue me, I suppose.”

“I guess so.” Parakarry flapped his wings, turning away from Luigi with a hearty laugh. “I really should be on my way, though, friend. I still have so many letters to deliver, and there are so many impatient homeowners out there. A postman’s job is never done, after all!”

“I understand.” Luigi stepped back, smiling. “Be safe out there.”

“Of course!”

And with that, Parakarry flew off. Luigi waved goodbye to him, watching the postman until he disappeared from view into the cloudy sky in the distance.

Luigi stretched before pushing open the fence's wooden gate, retrieving his mail and sifting through it. He yawned, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes as the sun continued to creep up over the hillside.

The mail mostly consisted of bills and scam letters from Waluigi, but a postcard from Mario made him smile, a warm feeling now in his chest. It was nice to think that his brother still had time to send him things, despite how busy he must be, traveling the world with his newfound cap companion and whatnot.

Luigi walked back into his manor groggily, dropping off the mail on the kitchen counter before walking to the bathroom to freshen up.

His pet, Polterpup, followed him curiously, leaping up against his owner’s legs to try and get his attention. Luigi smiled, laughing and promising the ghostly pup playtime later. He still had something to do today, after all.

Luigi did just enough to appear suitable before heading back out the door, walking down the path towards Toad Town. He had been up since early morning only because he wanted to get to Tayce T.’s kitchen before it got too crowded, and morning was his best bet. He didn’t exactly like being out alone at night, and Grambi forbid some poor soul try to go to the bakery in the afternoon. Luigi cringed at the thought.

All he needed was to pick up some ingredients for a few recipes he'd gotten as gifts from Peach for his birthday. While he was relatively good at cooking, he didn’t know a whole lot about making pastries. That was the princess’s specialty, not his. Luigi usually stuck to making various spaghetti dishes. But, most of the recipes given to him were for cakes, muffins, cupcakes, and the like, so he’d have to get a few ingredients from Tayce T. if he hoped on ever finishing even one of the recipes.

Not that he minded waking up early anyway. Early morning walks were always so beautiful. The creatures were starting to stir, and the sun was just starting to rise. He breathed slowly, taking in all the sights until he made his way into Toad Town.

Toads were congregating outside, walking in and out of stores and talking amongst themselves. Luigi’s presence didn’t faze them, not like if Mario was there. But, Luigi was fine with that. He didn’t like being randomly talked to and swarmed anyway. The toads still waved and said hello as he passed though, Luigi politely greeting them in return.

He eventually made it into Tayce T.’s kitchen, the little cook glancing up at Luigi as he entered. A faint smile graced her face as he walked in. She was already moving to reach into a cupboard to retrieve his items before he could even request anything of her.

”Ah, Luigi, welcome in! I’ve been preparing what you ordered. Just allow me to clarify…” She hummed, putting a bag out on the counter. “You just wanted the cake mix and a honey shroom, right?”

Luigi nodded, handing over the sufficient amount of coins for her as he smiled. “Grazie.”

She took the payment hesitantly, exhaling. “It's always so nice to see such a happy face, Luigi. I take it your morning has been lovely?”

”Yep! Actually, I was planning on making something sweet tonight for my hus-” Luigi paused upon noticing Tayce T.’s sunken features. Her gaze wasn’t focused on Luigi, instead staring forward with dull eyes. She looked… sad. “A-Are you alright, Ms. Tayce?”

”W-What? Oh, yes. My apologies!” Tayce T. flinched and held her hands together, nodding. “I’ve just been thinking about… oh, there was this incident this morning and… I don’t know. I'm sure it'll be alright. I'm fine." She offered a weak smile.

Luigi ventured further. “You’re… sure?”

”Most certainly, Luigi.”

"Do you want to talk-"

”Hey!” Another toad’s voice cut in, Luigi flipping around to make eye contact with a very agitated customer, who was tapping their foot impatiently on the floor. “Some of us also want to buy stuff!”

”O-Oh, I’m sorry, I-”

Tayce T. reached at Luigi’s hand, handing him his bag of ingredients. She smiled. ”Take care, Luigi. I trust I’ll see you again soon?”

"Oh, y-yeah!” Luigi attempted before being curtly shoved aside by the other toad.

Tayce T. looked at the customer disapprovingly before softening her expression, Luigi looking back at her. She glanced away before waving goodbye as Luigi made his way out the door.

Luigi sighed, cradling the bag of ingredients in his arms as he started back toward home. The walk back was peaceful, the young brunette catching small bits of conversation as the toads spoke to one another, talking about the day ahead.

”-and you haven’t seen him at all?”

The fragments of a conversation caught his attention.

He turned a corner, noticing a bright pink figure with her back turned to him, talking to a green-capped, mustached toad with glasses on his face. He was looking over a piece of paper, rubbing at his chin.

”...Nope. Can’t say I have. I wish you the best of luck in finding ‘im though.”

The pink figure stared down at the ground defeatedly as the green toad walked away, only perking her head up when she heard her name called.

”Toadette!”

”Luigi…?”

Luigi approached with a smile on his face, but froze, his breath hitching as Toadette turned to face him. Her expression was pale and positively mortified, clutching staggering amounts of paper in her arms like a vice.

”Toadette, a-are you okay?”

”Have you seen Toad?!”

The question caught him off guard.

”N-No… I haven’t. What’s wrong?”

Toadette wiped at the tears forming in her eyes, whimpering as she tried to compose herself. "T-Toad… Toad, he… I don’t know where he is, Luigi!”

Luigi felt his chest stiffen. “What?”

”A-About a week ago, I went out of the house to go hang out with Birdetta, and I left Toad home alone. When I got back later that night, he wasn’t there. And I-I don’t know where he would’ve gone, because I was only out for a few hours and-d he didn’t tell me he was going anywhere, and he would’ve told me if he did, and he didn’t leave a note or an-anything a-and I-!”

”Hey, hey…” Luigi, despite his own growing anxiety, tried to comfort Toadette. “Slow down.”

”I tried to j-just wait it out to see if he’d come home, but he still isn’t back! I wanted to take matters into my own hands, because I don’t know if h-he ran away, or if he got lost, or worse, but I-I couldn’t stand to just sit there while my brother was still missing, so I-I made these...”

She paused, sniffling and reaching towards the bundle of papers in her arms. She handed one over to Luigi, Luigi’s face noticeably paling as he examined the page.

It was a missing poster, the words alarmingly bolded with a photograph of Toad plastered on it, information lining the bottom.

”I tried getting these hung up all over town, the post office, the club, the boardwalk, the kitchen… b-but… no one has seen h-him so far, and I-I…” Toadette released a sob, nearly falling into Luigi’s arms.

”Toadette…” Luigi tried to reach a hand out to comfort her, but she shrunk back.

“I-I guess I’m probably just o-overreacting… he… he’s old enough to do what he wants… I-I just,” she hiccuped between sobs. “I wish he would’ve told me where he was going! I-I just want him to be okay. B-But, if he doesn’t want to be f-found, then…” She shook her head. ”If he doesn’t turn up s-soon, I’m going to go out and find him myself…! I-I have to know if my brother is okay!”

”Th-That sounds dangerous.” Luigi squeaked out. “I-I can look with you, and I’m sure Peasley wouldn’t object to joining us… You shouldn’t go alone.”

”Hopefully it won’t come to that.” Toadette concluded with a sigh, turning away as she rubbed at her eyes. “Just… keep an eye out for him, please. If you hear from him, let me know.”

”R-Right. Of course.”

Luigi didn’t have time to say anything else before Toadette promptly rushed off, approaching another couple of toads, handing them each the posters. Luigi turned to continue back home, despite now feeling a heavy sensation swelling deep within his chest.

An ominous feeling of dread loomed over him as he walked back to the manor.

                                          - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Luigi’s walk back was mostly silent, aside from the occasional heavy sigh or nervous hum.

The thoughts of worry produced by the single haunting image of one of his friends on a missing poster made his stomach twist. He tried to steady his breathing and think rationally as he approached his house, sighing. As he passed the fence gate outside the manor and approached the door up the stone path, however, he paused.

There was an envelope placed on the doorknob, delicately balanced atop it.

Confused, he shifted his holding on the bag of ingredients and picked up the note, flipping it over to see if there was any information on it. All that was printed on the envelope was a picture of a star, colored in a violet ink.

Perhaps Parakarry had left one of his letters in the post office after all.

He pushed open the door, putting the cake mix and honey shroom away before carefully tearing open the mysterious envelope. With cautious fingers, he removed a sheet of paper from within and began to read what was neatly printed upon it.

‘Hello, Luigi.

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Far too long, I’d say. How long has it been? It was quite hard to keep track of time down there, I’m afraid.

I’ve been really busy, you see. It’s taken me ever so long to send you this letter.

They tried their hardest, their very hardest, to contain me. And I admire their amusing attempts. But, I’m quite the persistent person, like a spider weaving its web over and over on a rainy day.

To think, life works in mysterious ways. It’s quite funny, really, how our pasts catch up to us.

You and I have plenty in common. You may hate to admit it, but it’s true. You and I are much closer than you’d like to think. Haven’t you felt lonesome without me? I’m apart of you, after all.

May I indulge you in a secret?

You ruined me, Luigi.

Your weakness brought about my downfall. It led me to a horrific afterlife of endless torment. I endured so much suffering. Loneliness and eternal solitude consumed my days.

But, now, I’ve escaped from that treacherous prison known as death. And, as I had plenty of time to ponder, I know exactly what I want now.

I want to see you suffer, just as I had.

I’m going to make your life a living nightmare. All who you know and love, will be guaranteed a long and painful demise at my hands.

You ruined my chance at happiness and I’m only returning the favor.

I want nothing more than to see you break as you are forced to watch your life crumble apart.

I’ve spent so much time preparing for this, you see.

I shan’t spoil the surprise. Not yet. Nor will I reveal my identity. I want you to experience every moment of this spectacle for yourself.

It will be quite a show.

I’ll see you again soon, Luigi. I’m much closer than you’d like to think.

~ ✦ ~’

[taco-night-frenzy]

Crocs and Robbers

Toadette and Goombella, two of New Donk Police Department's (or NDPD) finest.

It's a night in New Donk City like any other when they get the call that a certain crocodile crook is causing crimes. Can they apprehend such a slimy sleazebag? (Spoilers: Probably.)

Fandom: Mario Characters: Goombella, Toadette, Croco Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: Think of this as a teaser for a much longer Detective Luigi fic I'm working on that will be based in the same universe as this one, and takes place before it. Thousand Year Door and Mario RPG will be represented most here, but there's going to be some slight references to Mario and Luigi: Super Star Saga as well, as that game will play a major part in the longfic that I'll be posting later. Hope you enjoy!

New Donk City moved with its usual hustle and bustle. Neon lights twinkled like the stars in the night sky, or at least Toadette assumed that’s what the stars looked like. Not that she ever saw them here. Toads of every shape and size mingled happily along the sidewalks, with even a few Koopas and Goombas mixed in! Maybe things here in Mushroom District were actually turning around.

“Hey, hey, Toadette!” Goombella yelled, mouthful of shroom crepe, crumbs spilling out with each word. “After our shift, we should totally go shopping! You need some better off-duty clothes, girl! Also, you gotta try this, it’s great!”

“I’m driving!” Toadette complained weakly, but truth be told, she just didn’t want to eat it. It probably wouldn’t look good for a couple of cops to be eating sweets while patrolling. “Plus, I think I dress just fine! It’s comfy! My vest and dress match with my hair, you know?”

“Yeah, but every Toad dresses like that! It’s so basic, y’know?” Goombella completely ignored Toadette’s complaint, holding up the crepe in front of her with her mouth. It wasn’t like she could use her hands.

Toadette tried to mask her expression but felt at least a little heat in her cheeks. To Goombas, mouths were just like their hands. It wasn’t anything weird to them, but it still took some getting used to. Toadette took a tentative bite of it, making sure not to get too close to Goombella’s lips. Sweet creamy vanilla meshed together with light rubbery mushroom, all tied together with a fluffy wrap. It shouldn’t work, but…

“Tastes all right,” Toadette admitted, not exactly a huge fan of mushroom style foods, being a Toad and all. “Is this from Zess T. again? Isn’t she, like, basically holding you ransom for money?”

Neon yellow from a Fire Flower sign hit Goombella’s shocked face, her blonde hair highlighted with red light. “Huh? W-well, I mean, I did step on her contacts… You gotta respect her culinary talents though.”

Toadette frowned. “I don’t like the way she treats you. You’re a cop, you know? People should treat you with respect. Just because you’re not a Toad-”

“She does!” Goombella argued desperately. “Just, um, in her own way. Or else, I don’t think she would have given me this treat.”

Before Toadette could counter with ‘Well you gave her those ingredients to make it!’ a raspy Toad voice screeched out from the radio.

“All units, all units! There is a robbery in progress at Dixie Orphanage over at the intersection on Dixie and Cranky Street! Suspect goes under the name of Croco and is reportedly armed and dangerous!”

“What the heck?”

“What the hell!?” Goombella practically spat out her crepe. “Orphanage? Who the hell robs an orphanage?! I knew Croco was low, but this?!”

Toadette wracked her brain. She should know this one, she really should! But… just in case. “Uh, who is Croco again?”

Goombella shook her head. This kind of thing always came so easily to her. Goombella knew everyone and everyone knew her. Toadette didn’t understand how this could be.

“He’s that purple skinned crocodile! He’s partners with Popple! You know, the self-proclaimed shadow thief? They’re a bunch of jerks who’ll do anything for a quick coin! Apparently, even stealing from an orphanage. Croco’s known for his bombs, so it’s best we keep a safe distance. Also!” Goombella seemed to get really offended at this part. “That freak wears crocodile skin crocs! Can you believe it? Totally messed up, and totally tacky!”

Like always, that was a little more information than Toadette needed, but she appreciated it anyway. Before she could hit the sirens, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She quickly glanced at the message.

Yahoo! Hiya, Toadette! Just lettin’ you know I’m gonna be out late tonight! Gonna go explore some old building by Smithy’s territory! Heard a rich old Boo used to haunt the place, so there’s probably treasure! Don’t call the cops on me if I’m not in time for breakfast at Shimi’s lol. -C. T.

“Eh? Who is it?” Goombella asked anxiously, gobbling the crepe down quickly. She really wanted to hit the siren button.

“Just my brother,” Toadette sighed. “Going out to explore some haunted house by Smithy’s. I’ll call him back later.”

Goombella frowned, the effect less powerful when she had whipped cream around her lips. “Hey, you sure he’ll be okay? That’s not a safe part of the city, y’know?”

Toadette quickly put away her phone. “The Captain’s always fine, you know him. He’s done stupider things. Anyway, we really should get going! I want to show Chief Toadstool we don’t need Mario’s help for everything!”

“Ohmigosh, I know!” Goombella said excitedly, bonking the siren button with glee. Red and blue lights swirled above, and already cars were moving out of their way. “Peach never thinks I can do anything! She always credits you!” She rummaged under her seat.  “Hold on, grabbing the mushroom.”

Grinning, Toadette slammed her foot down on the pedal, deftly weaving through the streets. “I know, I know, the Chief still has a little trouble with Goombas,” Toadette said, drifting left through an intersection, the blaring sirens filling her with adrenaline. “But she’s warming up to you! Honest!”

Goombella hopped back up onto her seat, red speckled mushroom held daintily in her mouth. “Psh, don’t I know it. Even took you a while to trust me.” It was hard to tell what with the world spinning around in flashes of light and sound, but Toadette felt a hint of sadness there. “I’m glad I can help with the Goomba rep though, y’know?” She grinned. “Anyway, you ready to boost, girl?!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

With an excited huff, Goombella stuffed the rubbery thing inside a little tube on their dashboard. Instantly, the engines exploded with power, and the exhaust rumbled as their little cop car shot out of the streets and dangerously into the night air.

“Woo ho ho hooo!! Yeah!!” They screamed in unison, barreling towards whatever criminal thought he could cause trouble in their city.

Tires screeched, and car doors slammed. The orphanage was illuminated in the color of justice, red and blue. As per usual, Ted N. Toad was the first to arrive, but also the last to actually do anything. Luckily for Toadette, he had at least set up some police tape and was hooting and hollering at any passersby to stay away.

“What’s the situation, Ted?” Toadette asked the worried looking Toad, hands at her hips.

“H-he’s got the kids and Monster Mama hostage!” Ted said, stumbling over his words. “I-I would have gone in there and handled this myself, but I left my bazooka at home…”

“Sure,” Goombella said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. A very powerful move, considering most of her body was eyes. “You say that every time, Ted.”

Other Toads didn’t take well to Goombella’s sass. “H-hey! I would have! Really! Where’s your bazooka then, huh?”

Goombella didn’t back down to them. Not anymore. Toadette was here. “Don’t need one. Isn’t that right, Toadette?”

Toadette nodded smugly, her hand motioning around the glowing Fire Flower in its holster at her side. Goombella may not have been issued her NDPD (New Donk Police Department) Fire Flower like everyone else, but Toadette would be damned if they’d give her crap about it. A bonk from Goombella hit way harder than a Fire Flower ever would anyway.

“W-well, whatever!” Ted whined, pouty face at full force. “Things are a mess right now. His demands are insane! I have no idea what we should do!”

“What’s he want?” Toadette asked, already afraid to hear the answer.

“A million coins!” Ted cried, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. Are us Toads always like this? Toadette thought to herself.

“A million?!” Goombella repeated angrily. “The Dixie Orphanage barely makes ends meet as it is! Monster Mama relies on donations to keep it open! What the hell is Croco thinking?!”

Hearing the commotion outside, a slimy voice oozed out into the streets from the orphanage. “Nyah, see, it’s a great plan you maroons!” Through one of the windows, the purple croc stuck a megaphone cautiously, his cliché voice echoing out for everyone to hear.

“Ain’t nobody wants to see a buncha kids explode, see? You pigs’ll pay up! And, AND! If ya don’t, I bet that big palooka, Bowser, will, see? Buncha little Goomba kids and Koopa kids in here! That jerk’s LOADED!”

“You slimy freak!” Goombella yelled back, hopping up onto one of the police cars. “Bowser talks big, but he’d sooner smash you and the orphanage just to shut you up! If you keep talking like that, there’s gonna be an army of Koopatrol’s out here, busting down the door!”

“S-should she be talking to him like that…?” Ted whispered.

“It’s fine,” Toadette replied. “She knows what she’s doing when it comes to speaking.”

“But, uh… antagonizing the guy holding a bomb to an old lady and kids?...”

“Shhh, Ted.”

Croco’s voice broke over the megaphone and an old lady’s raspy voice made it out during his shocked state. “…see I told you…” followed by an overly loud “Quiet, ya wise guy!”

“Toadette, hand me a megaphone will ya?” Goombella said in a hushed tone. Toadette retrieved it quickly from their car, propping it up in front of Goombella. “Thanks.” She cleared her throat.

“Hey, Croco! So where’s your pal, Popple, eh? Not like you to go out on your own!”

The gator’s eyes swiveled back to the window, his pupils sharp as his teeth. “Why should I tell ya nothin, ya dumb broad!?” He hissed into the megaphone, making sure to puff his cigar out the window for everyone to see. “Popple was busy, see? Said he had more important things to do than rob an orphanage! Can you believe the nerve of that guy?”

Goombella grinned a toothy grin to Toadette, one that only they could see. “Oh, really? Why’s that?”

Croco was clearly getting worked up talking about his partner, leaning outside the orphanage’s window. “Said he had some bigwig to talk to! What’s a bigwig want with a thief likes us, eh? He just doesn’t wanna hang out anymore, I bet!”

Goombella nodded along, but her eyes locked onto Toadette’s. She was giving her a signal. Her eyes glanced at the front door of the orphanage. The place only had two floors, and certainly wasn’t well fortified. Next to all the other tall buildings, the orphanage looked like an on old sack of potatoes left to soak in the rain.

Toadette cautiously stepped forward, making sure to stay out of Croco’s eyesight. He was busy complaining. She gripped the stem of her Fire Flower tight, feeling the heat of its petals burning the air around her. One wrong move, and everything could come burning down. Literally and figuratively.

“Yeah, Popple always has been a totally bossy jerk, hasn’t he?” Goombella said. The way she talked about the guy, it was so strange, it was like she really knew everything about him. “Gets angry at the drop of a hat, too, right? Bet you hate having him as a partner sometimes.”

“Ugh, yeah!” Croco groaned, opening up the window just a little more, cigar now held casually between his scaly fingers. “Literally, too! I drop my hat off while we was muggin’ some chump last week, see? Guy blows a gasket! Starts callin’ me a big dumb palooka, sayin’ I don’t respect the job!”

Toadette used this time to reach for the door. Flimsy. Felt like she could rip it off its hinges pretty easily. But also locked. Croco wasn’t that stupid. She turned to Goombella who was chattering away with Croco like a gossipy school girl and motioned a fist silently at the door. Goombella nodded.

“OhmiGOSH!” Goombella shrieked into the megaphone. “TELL me about IT! My BOSS is TOTALLY the SAME WAY sometimes, Y’KNOW?”

Croco rubbed a slimy finger into his ears, cringing at the horrible static noise coming from Goombella’s megaphone. “Yeah, I know, but do ya gotta scream about it, ya dumb broad? Geez. Thought I heard somethin’ too…” He turned back away from the window for a moment. “Hey, old hag, you trip or somethin’? Keep quiet!”

Toadette let out a sigh of relief, brushing off the splinters from her uniform. The door had fallen apart like a wet pile of twigs at her tackle, and thanks to Goombella, it seemed Croco was none the wiser.

“Man, and just who is Popple to tell you off like that?” Goombella went on, her voice carrying that strange attentiveness. Toadette hoped she never faked it like that with her. “In front of a dude you’re robbing, too? Like, hello!? Embarrassing much?!”

“Oh yeah! And get this…” Croco continued, completely lost in her storm of gossip. At least Toadette knew she should be fairly safe. For now. She’d have to act fast. Gossip only stayed interesting for so long.

Three pairs of eyes gazed out of a doorway at Toadette’s sneaking form. Each eyeing a different part of her. One on her badge, one on her pigtails, and one on her Fire Flower. Goomba triplets. They were tiny, even for Goombas. Their age couldn’t even be in double digits yet.

“Heya, lady!” One called out. “Hey, are you here to get that stupid gator guy?” Another said. “He’s a jerk, I hate him! He kept saying to call ‘Uncle Bowser!’” The third whined. “We don’t know him! Our daddy did, but he’s gone! Monster Mama said he’s working for Uncle Bowser.”

If Toadette hadn’t spent so much time with Goombella, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to interact with these little Goomba kids so easily. Being chatty was clearly a Goomba thing, wasn’t it?

“Shhh,” Toadette hushed them softly, nodding along to them. “I am here to get him, but you guys need to be quiet for me, okay? Why don’t you three run along and…” She struggled to think of something. “Play pretend shop or something?”

“But lady!” The third little Goomba whined. “We got nothin’ to sell!” The first one explained. The second one was happy just looking upset and giving Toadette big puppy-dog eyes.

Gah, she didn’t have time for this. Toadette was no good with kids! She had to think fast. She swung her head around, looking for anything in his dingy little building, her pigtails slapping her in the face at the motion. Ow! Stupid things!

…. Oh! Wait!

“Here, sell some mushrooms!” Toadette whispered, undoing the pink mushrooms at the end of her pigtails. Her braids fell apart, pink hair falling at her back, but she saw the way the kids’ eyes lit up and knew she had made the right decision.

“Gee, thanks, lady!” The Goomba triplets said in unison, catching the pink mushrooms in their fangs with ease. Smiles on their faces, they scampered into another room, calling out some other kids to come look at the new stock they got in their store. At least maybe the others wouldn’t be too scared.

Finally, she could make her way up the stairs unhindered. Each stair creaked awfully, but Goombella appeared to have Croco in her chatty clutches.

“So, I says to him, I says…”

“No way! He said that?”

“He did! Like, I get that he takes thieving seriously, but I gots feelings too!”

His voice became clearer and clearer, and Toadette knew she had found the right room. She’d need to end this quickly. Breathing deep, she clutched the doorknob, and swung it open, shouting in her most police-y voice, “Freeze! Claws where I can see ‘em, Croco!”

“Nyeh?!” Croco grunted, cigar falling out of his fangs and onto his crocs. “Yow! W-what’s the big idea!?” He stuttered, staring into the emotionless eyes of a burning Fire Flower. “Y-yous dumb broads! You tricked me! That ain’t fair!”

The old Toad known as Monster Mama quickly scrambled out the doorway past Toadette, whispering her thanks along the way. She’d keep the kids safe. Now it was just him and her here in what looked to be the orphans sleeping quarters.

“Sorry!” Toadette grinned, loving the power that came from a situation like this. “Let’s make this nice and easy, okay?”

“Oh nice!” Croco growled, gritting his fangs together so hard that sparks flew out. “Real nice! Pretend to be my friend, eh? Knew I shouldn’ta trusted nobody but good ol’ Popple! Well, well, tell you what, kid!”

“Stop talking!” Toadette commanded, her hand tensing over the stem. “I told you, put your claws up!”

“Sure, sure,” Croco conceded, lowering his sack of presumably stolen goods to the floor. “I just need to find a way to pay ya back, see?”

“Enough!” Toadette growled, eyeing the wall behind him. “Claws up, now, or I shoot!”

A snarl. A flash of fangs and white. His claws were out and lusting for her neck. “Pay ya back in spades, kid!” He spat, saliva dribbling wildly down his snout as he lunged.

He was quick, but Toadette was quicker. She fired her shot. It missed him.

“Ha, dumb broad!” Croco laughed manically, clearly forgetting the bouncy nature of these fireballs.

Before he could reach her, the flaming ball bounced harmlessly against the wall and back at him, engulfing his tail in hot red. The thug toppled down before her, legs a blur as he ran circles, smoke trailing behind like he was trying to send out a smoke signal. If anyone could read it, it’d probably say, ‘Help, my tail is on fire.’

“Yeowch, my tail’s on fire!” Croco translated helpfully, chasing after his own tail like a dog. Still, even now, he thrashed about, sack and all, pushing Toadette into the center of the bed filled room. She waited till he calmed down, finally having caught his flaming tail, sucking on the thing with tears in his eyes.

“Give up yet?” Toadette huffed, clutching her Fire Flower confidently. “Or should I turn up the heat?” Oh, that sounded cool. She wished Goombella heard that.

“Grrr! You’re a filthy cheat!” Croco hissed. “Well, I can cheat too, see?!” In an impossibly quick motion, he reached into his sack and pulled out a tiny bomb, shaped like a bob-omb. Cute. “Bombs! Never leave home without ‘em.” His fangs splayed wide in a terrifying smile. “Try settin’ me on fire again, dumb broad! See what happens! Blow us all to smithereens!”

Toadette flinched, still keeping the Fire Flower’s gaze at the smug crook. “You’re out of your mind!”

“I’m a bettin’ gator!” Croco growled, eyes glowing wildly in the doorway. “And I bet you can’t do it! Sure, you’ll get me, but you’ll be blowin’ up all the kids too! Boo hoo, ain’t that sad!?”

Her mind was a torrent, her hands were shaking. She had nowhere to run here in the middle of the room. She had no time to think. She messed up. Bad.

“That’s right,” Croco said, his voice low. “That’s what I thought, toots. Now, yous is gonna drop that Fire Flower, real slow, see? And when yous do that, I’m gonna cut ya up into mushroom stew! And then I’m gonna-”

Bonk!

Huh!? Bonk!?

Croco’s body fell to the ground like a pile of fake crocodile-skin wallets, his tongue lolling out of his snout. Goombella landed next to him with a stylish flourish and a wink, her head only slightly bruised where as his was already growing a massive red bump.

“What a sleazebag!” Goombella huffed, looking over his unconscious head. Coins danced around him instead of dazed Power Stars. “God! I’m so glad I got to slug him after talking to him so long! Yuck! Next time, Toadette, you do the talking, and let me do the action stuff.”

“Oh, Goombella!” Toadette cried, running forward and hugging the blonde girl tight. “You saved me! Thank you so much!”

“W-what’s with you?” Goombella’s voice was muffled in their embrace. “I thought that was your plan! Get him in the doorway so I could sneak up and bonk him, y’know?”

Toadette shook her head, smiling so hard it hurt. She kept squeezing Goombella in her arms like she was a big soft plushie. “Nope! I didn’t mean to do that at all!”

“Ohmigosh, you ditz!” She laughed, now finally accepting the hug more. Toadette’s pink hair fell onto hers making them a big mess of sweat, tangled hair, and maybe some tears. But that’s okay. Goombella wouldn’t tattle that part. It was tough to let go, but Toadette decided it’d probably be good to let Goombella breathe.

Her cuffs made a satisfying clink! as Toadette snapped them over Croco’s limp wrists. Just in case.

“Peach is gonna flip when she sees you nabbed Croco!” Goombella cooed, gathering up his body onto her head, carrying him out of the orphanage with ease.

“When she sees we nabbed, Croco!” Toadette corrected, opening the car door and stuffing him in like a bunch of old socks and sandals into a closet. “I couldn’t have done it without you!”

“Aw, she’ll never believe I did anything.”

“I’ll make her believe it if I have to!”

Goombella looked down at her feet. “You totally don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t, but I want to.” Toadette nodded, her hair feeling weird against her neck. Maybe Goombella’d help her braid it back to normal again after.

She turned to the dumbfounded Ted N. Toad, who looked like a bazooka had gone off right in his face. “Take care of this for us, will ya, Ted?”

“U-uhm! Y-yes ma’am! I’ll, um! Get statements and clean up and let everyone know we’re good here!”

“Thanks.”

When they got back into their car, Goombella grinned towards Toadette. “I totally heard your corny line, by the way. About ‘turning up the heat.’” She giggled. “That was GREAT.”

“Oh my gosh, don’t tease me!” Toadette whined playfully. “It sounded cool in my head!”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say, girl!” Goombella laughed as their car pulled back out into the bustling streets of New Donk City. Just like always, the neon lights greeted her with their alluring twinkling. “But after this, we so gotta go shopping, okay?!”

“Aw, c’mon! I gotta be up early to meet my brother for breakfast! How about tomorrow night?”

“Okay, okay, fine!” Goombella agreed happily.

It wasn’t long before their conversations returned, talking about this and that, and what tomorrow might bring them. Toadette was glad she had such a good partner, glad she had someone to share these lonely drives with. Maybe she’d miss their shopping spree or whatever, but there was always tomorrow. Goombella and this city would always be there waiting for her tomorrow.

[kinsie]

Overly Belated Game Impressions from PAX Aus 2018

Every year I go to PAX Aus with some close friends to check out the Incredible Future of Games that everyone else already checked out six months ago. This is usually coupled with checking out some wonderfully well-preserved old games and hardware, along with some typically wonderfully weird indie stuff I've never heard about before. Every year, I've written up a little review of things I've played (or watched get played) on an old private forum some friends maintain, but this year, I've figured, fuck it, I might as well post it publicly, right?

Not Indie Games

Super Smash Bros Ultimate sure is a Smash game. That's not a bad thing, but since this was the same demo build from E3 (so before the Castlevania reveals) there wasn't a huge amount of surprises - just a damn good fightfest. Amusingly, the demo booths were split into two groups - For Fun (items on, Switch Pro Controller) and For Glory (items off, the new Gamecube controllers). New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe has a nonsensical name and spawned an even more nonsensical meme. The demo had six levels to play - three from the base game, three from the Luigi expansion - with both the new and old characters to play. It doesn't look like anyone other than Toadette can get the meme crown, meaning players using that character won't have to jostle for powerups in multiplayer. I didn't play Pokemon Let's Go Eevee because the queue was like 90 minutes long, but my friend braved it and gave it a resounding "ehhhh" with a hand gesture resembling a teetering see-saw. Apparently the co-op stuff wasn’t available in the demo, either, which concerned my friend since that was specifically what he was interested in.

V-Rally 4 looks nice aesthetically, but the gameplay seems pretty "eh". The name seems to be about the most interesting part. Dragonball FighterZ for Switch seems like a pretty decent port. I don’t know much about the source material or original game, but it ran fast and I didn't notice any obvious hitching or whatever.

Luigi's Mansion for Nintendo 3DS is... a 3DS port of the Gamecube launch title. It ran at a solid 30fps... a whole lot better than I recall Luigi's Mansion 2/Dark Moon running, but I was also using a vanilla 3DS for that game while the demo units at PAX were New models.

Indie Stuff

The Xbox Adaptive Controller was present as part of a demo setup for a version of One More Line. I wasn't expecting to have to push the Big Novelty Button as hard as I did, I thought it'd be a lighter touch for some reason. Although I know the button kinda isn't the point of the thing...

Supertrucks Offroad is a PC adaption of a mobile take on old top-down racing games. There's promise here, but the current handling and physics leave a lot to be desired. Hopefully it continues to develop and evolve.

Infinity Heroes is a card game with some simplified mechanics and animated versions of all the card graphics. Has potential, but still plenty of rough edges and pre-alpha grit to sand out.

Metal Wolf Chaos XD sure is a port of an Xbox game. It feels pretty well done, all things considered - the framerate is great, the controls are responsive, and the English subtitles are sometimes even connected to what's being said by the characters!

Ghoul Britannia: Land of Hope and Gorey is a point-and-click adventure game that, unexpectedly, uses a Fallout-esque isometric perspective instead of the usual side-on.

Table of Tales is a VR tabletop RPG where you control an entire party of Scoundrels by moving pieces around a constantly-changing board and playing ability cards. Since it was a VR game, there was a long sign-up queue to play, so the developers set up a little booth where Arbitrix, the game's DM (and, incidentally, a mechanical talking bird), would cheerfully explain the game for you. He said my goatee was perfect for a pirate adventure. It was probably intended as a compliment.

Supermarket Shriek is very similar to a game I prototyped years ago, except it's got a Supermarket Sweep theme and shrieking goats. Also, it's actually getting finished and has more than one level, which is another differentiator. Use the shoulder triggers to make the characters inside a shopping trolley scream their lungs out, propelling the trolley and allowing you to steer it through silly retail-themed obstacle courses.

You probably think, based on the squat protagonist and camera angle, that Tunic is a riff on Zelda: A Link to the Past. Surprise! It's actually a riff on Zelda: Ocarina of Time! The combat is very similar, with a dodge/roll button and Z-targeting (although I guess it's more RT-targeting now) that jumps to the next enemy upon beating your current one. I can't say enough nice things about the graphics... One thing that's interesting is that the entire game is in a fictional language. This includes stuff like the pause menu!

Dash Blitz is a pretty amateurish attempt at a Smash-esque platform fighter. The "feel" just isn't there, sadly.

Nom Nom Apocalypse is a top-down dual-stick roguelite about fighting off food monsters. It looks pretty interesting, but sadly I didn’t get to go back and give it a hands-on look.

Henry Mosse and the Wormhole Conspiracy is a good old-fashioned point and click adventure. The graphics are wonderfully drawn in a cartoon style, but they suffer from really puppet-y animation like an old Flash cartoon, and it breaks my heart.

No Moss Studios bought along Beam Team, a couch co-op game about fighting a giant donut that I didn’t get to try, as well as a collection of weird little Patreon-funded oddities like Sprout Up, a simple little mobile game about weaving through vines, and My Magpie, a bird-aiding simulator of sorts. 

Little Reaper is a platformer with a fun movement twist in that you can throw your scythe - which travels in an arc like a hammer in Mario - and teleport to where it lands. I'll have to give this a closer look.

Mars Underground is an Earthbound-esque RPG-style adventure game with a Groundhog Day-style conceit of being stuck in a time-loop. I can't really say it struck me, to be honest.

Scout's Honor is a co-op party game where four players team up to set-up a camp-site in a limited amount of time while dealing with hazards and such. It looks kinda cute, reminds me of Overcooked a bit.

Ice Caves of Europa is a rather odd-controlling game where you pilot a hover-drone controlled by an artificial intelligence. This one probably takes a bit more time to wrap your head around than a convention center allows.

Introspect looks really cool - a Shadow of the Colossus-style boss rush with an emphasis on movement tricks and agility. I didn't get to play it while I was there, but the developers were handing out download codes for the show floor build. It seems pretty fun, although it still needs a good deal of polish.

Soundfall is a dual-stick rhythm-shooter where you have to get to the end of a course before the song ends, with rewards for shooting and slashing to the beat ala Crypt of the NecroDancer. One to watch. 

Ticket to Earth is a tactical strategy RPG ala Fire Emblem with a tile-matching mechanic that makes how you move to your enemies even more important by limiting your movement and charging your special abilities. The comic artwork is nice, although the talking heads only seem to have one or two facial expressions.

Nova Flow is a first-person speedrunner that reminds me of a blend of Mirror's Edge's DLC maps and that one paint game that got incorporated into Portal 2. One of the demo levels was apparently one of the hardest levels in the game, and the developer was quite impressed at my getting within inches of completing it before the demo timer ran out...

Dawnblade seems to be an attempt at doing the whole Diablo thing on a phone, with the player hacking their way through short, pre-made maps. Visually, it looks like any of a million other games riffing off of Warcraft 3, and it seems to have some weird mobile game trappings like a stamina system to limit the amount of time you can play in a period of time.

Little Bit Lost is a survival game where you've been shrunk down to the point where ants tower over you and are powerful monsters. This one felt real early. It has promise, but needs a lot of polish to truly deliver on it.

Rogue Singularity is a 3D platformer with procgen levels. The feel didn't gel with me, and I can't really say I liked it all that much. It didn't help that the Switch port I played seemed to lack anti-aliasing entirely, giving the entire scene an unpleasant jagged look.

Ashen looks utterly fascinating - an open-world Souls-esque action RPG with Journey-style "passive" co-op where you can occasionally meet other, anonymous players out in the world and either help them or leave them to their fate. It looks really pretty.

Speaking Simulator is a hilarious puzzler where you have to manually operate a human mouth in order to say Entirely Normal Phrases in order to convince people that you are absolutely a human and not a murder robot in disguise.

Untitled Goose Game had a massive queue that I was absolutely not going to fuck with. :(

yeop

[mariolucario493]

So…with the introduction of Peachette, I’m no longer certain Peach is human. I think she’s more of a “queen bee” among the Toads. By which I mean that one female Toad is chosen to be fed a special nectar which allows them to grow to twice their size and become the matriarch of the colony. Which means that Peach’s role as “princess” pretty much entails to her laying thousands of Toad eggs each day. Or maybe spores, since they’re mushrooms. And isn’t it a little suspicious how she’s named after a fruit that is associated with fertility in Japanese culture?

This means that the new crown powerup is actually some type of “royal jelly” that enhance one’s physical capabilities. When Toadette grabs the crown, her body is temporarily transformed into what I would assume an adolescent “Princess Toad” would look like.

But wait, it gets even more disturbing! Because I think I know where Goombas come from too! As a queen bee, Peach needs multiple sexual partners. What if Goombas are a hybridization of Toad/Koopa DNA? Bowser kidnaps her so he can impregnate her and create his own army! But the cross-species hybridization leads to genetic defects, which is why Goombas are so stupid. Perhaps Bowser Jr. is a result of the only genetically stable Koopa/Toad offspring.

Mario and Luigi must also be Peach’s sex slaves. And that’s where regular Toads come from. I’m not sure whether or not Mario and Luigi are Toads as well. They could just be humans, or something else entirely, since they were delivered by stork.

Note that Nintendo has gone on record by saying that Toads are an asexual species. Well, in the case of bees, regular worker bees are sterile, and the queen does all the reproducing. And yes, I know we’ve seen young Toads in the Paper Mario games, but who’s to say those aren’t just juveniles that are cared for by their older siblings?

But it gets even more disturbing than that! Because the only reason queen bees have thousands of children in their lifetime is because a bee’s lifespan is so short and they die a lot. Perhaps hundreds of Toads are constantly being massacred offscreen by Bowser’s invading forces. And Peach gets kidnapped so constantly that she has less time to give birth to regular Toads, which means there are less and less forces around to protect her the next time she gets kidnapped. Ever wonder why the Toads never dispatch an army to protect their princess? Because Bowser’s army has killed so many of them that they can’t be replaced quickly enough. Or ecologically speaking, perhaps Bowser is a predator within the ecosystem whose presence is necessary to prevent the Toad species from reaching its carrying capacity. Or Bowser could just be pulling a Thanos and randomly eliminating half of all the Toads he meets.

And have you ever noticed that in the Super Smash Bros games, Peach always pulls Toads out from under her dress? SHE’S LITERALLY GIVING BIRTH IN THE MIDDLE OF BATTLE, USING HER CHILDREN AS WEAPONS, AND THEN DISCARDING THEM!

Though there are a few problems with this theory. Like for one, we’ve seen Baby Peach several times. The only reason I can see that being possible is if the “royal jelly” is fed to the princess at a young age, which causes her transformation early. But when an adult ingests it, the transformation is instant, albeit temporary.

And what about Daisy and Rosalina? Are they “Princess Toads” as well? Considering Daisy is an Echo Fighter of Peach in Ultimate (meaning she uses Toads as weapons), I think it’s safe to assume Daisy is at least the same species, but Sarasaland is just a separate “beehive.” And Rosalina left Earth (or whatever planet this is) to become the “mother” of the Lumas. Maybe she was a princess as well, but because she left, they had to have a new one.

BUT HEY THAT’S JUST A THEORY

[zeldauniverse]

Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker is a game that you might have missed. Even if you didn’t skip over the Wii U console generation, it could have easily fallen to the wayside amongst more popular entries such as Super Mario 3D World, Mario Kart 8, and Super Smash Bros. for Wii U before it or Splatoon or Super Mario Maker after it. In fact, Captain Toad’s whole existence owes itself to its “predecessor” Super Mario 3D World, which included the very concept of this game as miniature levels or sidequests within it. As a result, if you’ve played the Mario title, you already have a rough idea of what to expect from Captain Toad.

FULL DISCLOSURE Nintendo Australia has graciously provided us with a review copy of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker.

Thankfully, Captain Toad offers a little bit more than the experience from the Mario game before it, though admittedly not a great deal more. It naturally had to include boss battles because now there’s a Mario-esque “story” behind it as Captain Toad and co-star Toadette collect Power Stars. It expanded upon its original mini-levels by having a shooter-on-rails mechanic as well as coin-collection levels. And it’s borrowed somewhat heavily from Super Mario 3D World by pulling in the Double Cherries, Dash Panels, Beep Blocks, and more. It’s as much an extension of Super Mario Galaxy as Super Mario Galaxy 2 was… except without the actual Mario jumping and fast platforming.

Captain Toad borrows heavily from Super Mario 3D World with the inclusion of power-ups and items.

Cute and charming puzzle-solving

Captain Toad is a perfect game for the Nintendo Switch. (Though really, what game isn’t?) Captain Toad is all about bite-sized content in tiny stages, and the portable nature of the Switch means you can jump in, play a few levels, and then get back to whatever you were doing.

And the game is a lot cuter than I originally expected. I admit I chuckle a bit whenever I see Captain Toad appear in the various Mario games, from Super Mario Galaxy and onward. Seeing the little cutscenes with the captain is actually cute and endearing, even though his high-pitched squeaks can get a bit old by the game’s end.

The nature of Captain Toad tends to be more pause-and-think rather than hurry-up-and-go.

Where Captain Toad veers distinctively from its Mario origins is the fact that this is more of a puzzle game than a platformer. The game does have platforming involved within it, but the nature of the game tends to be more pause-and-think rather than hurry-up-and-go. That’s par for the course because the level’s objective is usually in plain sight — similar to the one-screen levels found in Super Mario Maker. However, another part of this originates from the fact that you can’t see the entire level in a single glance. You need to rotate your view around as parts of the level will obscure other parts, especially the underground bits. Even then, there are a few secret areas that won’t even be revealed until you actually encounter them, leaving the huge potential for hidden treasures and coins everywhere.

The world will start off seeming so very simple…

…but a simple twist of the stage opens up so many more possibilities.

Despite the general pause-and-think strategy omnipresent in the game, Captain Toad does force you into quick thinking quite often. Enemies such as Goombas and Shy Guys, once they detect you, will give quick chase. And given the captain’s inability to jump, your standard mechanism for clearing out enemies is gone. To replace that, Captain Toad — in a throwback to the American Super Mario Bros. 2 — can hoist turnips out of the ground and chuck them at enemies. However, turnips are far and few between and generally only spawn once, so you either have to be accurate or fast on your feet! The mine cart levels also require quick thinking; while you never have to worry about enemies in these levels, the levels become coin ruins, and you have to shoot targets quickly to maximize your coin count and/or complete your secret missions.

The game itself is divided into multiple episodes — three in total with a set of post-game bonus levels beyond it. It’s important to remember this after you defeat the first 18 levels and arrive at the end credits; the game isn’t over yet! It’s in episodes two and three where you play as Toadette (and later as both characters) as you chase down Wingo, the game’s avian nemesis.

It’s not just about waddling around enemies. There’s also rail-shooter segments.

Is Captain Toad really worth the investment?

So it merits saying that Captain Toad isn’t your Breath of the Wild or Super Mario Odyssey. Unless you’re a hardcore completionist, it’s not going to offer you the hundreds of hours of gameplay that the other titles on Nintendo Switch have to offer. Thankfully it doesn’t have to be either of the two games thanks to its price point. In North America, the game is being sold at $40 as opposed to $60, while in Australia it’s being sold at A$60 instead of A$90. And given that the Switch is full of like-minded titles such as Shovel Knight, Golf Story, and countless more, it’s in good company.

Overall, Captain Toad is relatively easy, but 100%ing the game takes much more effort.

It’s reasonable to ask whether or not this game is for you. Captain Toad is like the Kirby series when it comes to difficulty: If you consider yourself decent at playing modern video games, then you should find navigating the 60-odd levels of the main quest a relative breeze. Some levels are more involved than others, and some of the later levels involve a few more timing challenges or tricky spots that require a little more finesse, but you won’t see too many Game Over screens despite the game not inundating you with 1-Up Mushrooms at every chance.

That said, the challenge of the game starts to rapidly increase once you consider all of the optional challenges the game throws at you in order to 100-percent the game. Each of the stages in the main quest has three diamonds in it that need collecting, and failing to collect a sufficient number of these will start locking you out of the game’s bonus content after the main story. Furthermore, each stage has two additional challenges. The first is a simple hide-and-seek game with a pixelated Toad hiding on one of the level’s walls; in the Wii U version of this game, this only could be accessed as amiibo-activated content, but now it’s built into the game itself. Secondly, and more deviously, each level has a bonus mission, and achieving these can actually be quite difficult. It’ll take solid persistence to crack each auxiliary mission in the game.

That said, if you already owned and played Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker on the Wii U, it’s not worth getting the Switch version. With the exception of the hide-and-seek games no longer being locked behind amiibo, the only Switch-exclusive content is four additional bonus levels that are generally inspired by Super Mario Odyssey. These levels actually replace the Super Mario 3D World-themed bonus levels from the Wii U version, and as before you can’t play these levels until you go through the game’s storyline. Each of the four new levels is based upon one of the various kingdoms of Odyssey — namely the Cascade, Sand, Metro, and Luncheon Kingdoms. They’re cute fun, but it’s not much to merit a second purchase.

The adaptation from the Wii U to Switch is actually quite ingenious.

Boss battles are still fun and progressively more challenging.

An underappreciated but solid game

I didn’t play Captain Toad on the Wii U, and I had originally made the conscious choice to skip it for Nintendo Switch as well. Before playing it, I had a pretty good idea of what the game was, and, to a large extent, I was correct. I thoroughly enjoyed playing it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s been a long time since I’ve made the effort to fully 100% any game I’ve owned. (I’ve got too much of a gaming backlog to spend time on that!) While I do appreciate the challenges in the game — and some of them were things to which I immediately said, “Challenge accepted!” — those challenges aren’t something that will drive me back to playing it over and over. But that’s just me; depending upon how you game, your mileage may vary.

But Captain Toad is still cute fun, and I think it’s actually a very good thing that Nintendo came and remade the game for the Nintendo Switch. It’s definitely a game I think didn’t get enough acclaim the first time around, so maybe its presence on Switch will give it a bit more luster.

Score Similarity to other Marios 8.5/10 Mario Vs. Donkey Kong – ★★★★☆ Super Mario 3D World – ★★★☆☆ Super Mario Bros. 2 – ★★☆☆☆ Super Mario Odyssey – ★☆☆☆☆

Review: Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker is worth playing if you like puzzles Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker is a game that you might have missed. Even if you didn't skip over the Wii U console generation, it could have easily fallen to the wayside amongst more popular entries such as…

[starryeyed-char]

On Your Marks

More of the YouTuber AU!!! Find this series here on my AO3.

This is more fluff, but don’t worry I have a lot of angsty plans for this, too. Plus, lots of unrelated things coming up are also full of angst. So look forward to that, I guess. Or don’t, depending on how you look at it.

This particular one-shot features Lance, Keith, and Hunk all making an appearance on Pidge’s channel, and the four of them play Mario Kart. As you can probably guess, they all take it pretty seriously. ...hopefully you won’t be confused if you’ve never played the game.

“Hello, fellow nerds, and welcome to Pidge Plays,” Pidge began in a deadpan voice, staring at the camera blankly. “Today we're playing a game from one of the most haunting periods of the human race— Lance's childhood.”

“Wow, what a great way to introduce guests on your channel, Pidge. I could learn a thing or two from you,” Lance said, with obvious false cheer.

“As you guys can see, I have visitors,” they swept their hand at the three other people seated on the couch. “Hunk and Lance's channels will be in the description, but don't check them out because they suck. Keith's not actually a YouTuber, but you guys seemed to want him here, anyway.”

“I only came because Lance said you needed a fourth player,” Keith muttered under his breath.

“If you, for some reason, neglected to read the title to this video, then we're playing Mario Kart!” Hunk finally spoke up, doing jazz hands. Pidge shot him an unimpressed glare.

“I could be continuing my Undertale Let's Play,” they grumbled. “But nooo! If I want to get invited to come bake with Hunk, I have to let you guys come into my house and play Wii!”

“Don't... don't you mean Wii U?”

“Keith, you poor uneducated swine,” Pidge started, earning a snort from Lance. “Yes, there is a Wii U version of Mario Kart. And I, naturally, am a beast at it. But the original Wii version is much better, so that's what we're playing.”

“I like the newer one better,” Keith claimed, sitting back on the couch with his arms crossed.

“Well, you're on my channel now, bitch,” Pidge declared with a grin. “And I'm not gonna let you do whatever the hell you want, unlike loverboy over here.”

Lance pointedly ignored their comment. “He just likes the newer one because we own it, and he's managed to beat me at it, like, once.”

“The Wii U version has underwater races, and parts where you get to fly!” Keith argued. “And more characters!”

“Keith Kogane, Mario Kart elitist,” Pidge said flatly.

“Sorry, Keith, but the original is way better. You'll see,” Hunk started up the game, going through the motions of the menu. “Solo or Team?”

“Keith and I make a pretty good team,” Lance smirked at his boyfriend. “But he never does anything.”

“We're doing solo races, asshats,” Pidge seized the Player One remote from Hunk as they said this, making the settings as hard as they could possibly go.

“I'm better at Battles,” Hunk informed them mournfully, as the character select screen appeared. He almost immediately chose Baby Mario, while Pidge's cursor was on Toad in a heartbeat. The two of them had clearly played this game numerous times before.

Lance stalled in favor of watching Keith with an amused expression.

“This is why we should've played the other one,” Keith grumbled. “The character I like to use isn't even here!”

“What, Shy Guy? With the creepy mask and red cloak?” Lance failed to repress a laugh. “Oh man, what a shame. You could just be Bowser instead. He's angry, and breathes fire. The villain of the story. Definitely gives off a you vibe, don't you think?”

Keith rolled his eyes, and selected a different character. “I'll just be him.”

“What the f—?! But Koopa Troopa is my character, Keith!”

“You don't have to censor yourself on my channel, Lance. I curse all the time,” Pidge assured him, stifling a laugh.

Keith looked like he was trying not to betray his own amusement. “You wanted me to be a turtle, didn't you?”

“Yes, but not my turtle!” Lance exclaimed, exasperated. He eyed the screen again, and sighed dramatically. “Pidge, can't you be Toadette? Toad is my second favorite, and they're basically the same.”

Pidge narrowed their eyes. “Fuck you. I'll be whatever gender mushroom person I want. If they're so similar, why don't you be Toadette?!”

Lance tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully. “If I'm going to be a girl character, then it's go big or go home,” he decided, moving his cursor over to Rosalina. “Literally.”

“Oh, not Rosalina!” Hunk complained. “The star is so distracting, and not just for you, man!”

“The star is cool,” Lance insisted. “Besides, you guys forced me into this.”

Pidge nodded grudgingly. “As long as you're not Princess Peach. I've had enough of racing against her to last me a life time.”

At Lance's confused look, Hunk elaborated. “Shiro and Allura were here the other week to play this on a live-stream. Allura decided to play as Princess Peach, and she was... unusually good at the game, for a beginner.”

“So who was Shiro, then?” Keith asked curiously.

“Funky Kong,” Pidge supplied. “At least he made an effort to be ironic with his choice.”

Lance scoffed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Hey, you're using Rosalina,” Pidge pointed out. “Anyway, what races should we do? There are four in a cup, so we all pick one.”

“Koopa Cape,” Lance said immediately. “It's the best one.” Pidge nodded appreciatively, and selected the race.

“So, what're we playing for, anyways?” Hunk asked as he maneuvered around a particularly sharp turn. “Other than just bragging rights?”

“Do we honestly need anything other than bragging rights?” Lance grinned as his character rocketed to the front of the pack.

“I was thinking that whoever loses has to pay for the pizza we get,” Pidge suggested. “Assuming you guys want pizza.”

“Now I wish we had pizza with us, like, right now,” Hunk complained. “But seems fair to me.”

“Are you guys serious?” Keith groaned. He was nearing the back after getting a false start. “That basically guarantees I'll be paying for it!”

“Don't you mean I'll be paying for it?” Lance glared at Keith before fixing his eyes on the screen once again. “This idiot didn't even remember bring his wallet, so I'm going to have to pay for him, as usual. Still love him though, even if he's completely hopeless.”

Keith slumped further into the couch, blushing.

“You two sicken me,” Pidge declared. “But, yeah, sorry Lance you'll probably end up paying. Ooh, hey, second lap!”

They didn't make it very far past the starting line again before Lance had bumped both Keith and Pidge off the side of the cliff, sending their racers into the water below.

“That's cheating!” Keith exclaimed angrily, turning his wheel so forcefully that his newly resurrected turtle drove directly into a wall.

Lance merely shrugged, still in first place. “Hey, don't look at me. You guys are the ones that decided to be small characters, and as a large character, I can easily knock you off the course. Not my problem.”

“How about I just knock you off the couch?” Pidge asked, kicking Lance in the back to send him onto the floor. They were somehow still in third place, even after dying.

“Hey!” Lance protested. “Real life interference is cheating!”

“Why don't you knock Hunk off?” Keith demanded, now managing to race backwards. He was quickly in last place. “He's the one in second, and Baby Mario is a small character, too! If I lose, you'll be the one paying!”

“You're going to lose anyway,” Lance pointed out. “And why would I ever knock Hunk off? I need him there to intercept all the items the computer tries to throw at me.”

“I feel so loved,” Hunk sighed. “Luckily, I keep getting bananas.”

“Intercept this,” Pidge said suddenly, and they all heard the telltale sound-effect of a blue shell taking flight.

“No!” Lance desperately zigzagged around the course, trying to race faster despite his lack of mushrooms, as if he could somehow outrun it. “But I had a lead! How could you do this to me, Pidge?”

Pidge just cackled in response as the winged shell exploded on Lance, giving them just enough time to pass both him and Hunk, winding up in first place. Pidge stood on the couch, holding their Wii remote up high.

“What's next?” Hunk asked, patting Lance on the back, who was still scowling into his bowl of chips.

Keith scanned the names of the races. “Well... Moonview Highway sounds kind of fun?”

“Absolutely not,” Pidge and Lance said at the exact same time.

“Keith hasn't played this version before, and therefore should be stripped of all voting rights,” Lance decided. “Moonview Highway is an abomination.”

“Not as bad as Grumble Volcano, but agreed,” Pidge nodded. “Hunk, you choose the next race.”

“Maple Treeway?”

Lance bolted straight up. “No. Pidge knows all these crazy shortcuts on that one! They'll destroy us all!”

“Too late. We're doing Maple Treeway. This is my channel, and if you don't like it, then go back to your own.”

“Rude,” Lance sniffed, but he picked up his controller and started racing anyways.

“If you think Pidge cheated, tell us in the comments,” Lance stage-whispered to the camera. They were still doing a victory dance around the living room in time with the music from the game. Pidge, of course, had won, with Lance and Hunk coming in second and third, respectively.

“I hate this game,” Keith mumbled. He came in twelfth place. Out of twelve.

“Let's do a Battle, then!” Hunk suggested. “Coin Runners! Lance and I against you two.”

“You're pairing me up with Keith?” Pidge squawked, incredulous. “He'll drag the team down. He won't be able to get a single coin! I'll lose for sure.”

“Hey!”

“You're more than capable of carrying the team, Pidge,” Lance waved a hand dismissively. “I might even go easy on you.” He winked at Keith, who promptly ignored him.

“We're the red team,” Keith decided, and Pidge nodded eagerly.

“That makes us blue, buddy,” Lance grinned at Hunk, and high-fived him. “We got this.”

Lance and Hunk won by a long-shot, as Hunk was much better at Battles than Pidge, and Keith was absolutely hopeless at steering. Pidge turned off the Wii before their victory ceremony, however, to prevent Lance from doing a dance of his own.

“Alright, well, screw my plans for next week,” Pidge decided, pointing in all of their faces. “You three are coming over again, along with Shiro and Allura. I demand a rematch, and we're doing it tournament style. The winner between us will play the two of them. Team Versus racing, and I refuse to team up with Keith.”

Lance dusted off his shoulders with a smirk. “Don't worry, Pidge, we'll—”

“I meant that I want to team up with Hunk,” Pidge interrupted bluntly, giving him a high five as they said so.

Lance clutched his chest. “I'm wounded!” Hunk smiled apologetically.

“Sorry, Lance,” Keith shrugged. “Guess you're stuck with me.”

“I always am,” he huffed, before leaning closer to his boyfriend and speaking in an exaggerated whisper. “Don't worry, Keith, my little sister still owns the game. We'll make sure you're actually somewhat decent at it by next week.”

“Can't wait,” Keith deadpanned, far from thrilled at the prospect of spending the next week racing against Lance's fifteen-year-old sister.

“So we're all in?” Pidge asked excitedly, and the three of them nodded.

“Believe me, I'd never miss a chance to destroy you guys at Mariokart,” Lance laughed, and stood to walk out the door. “Now, let's go get some pizza.”

[peaches2217]

More Married Mareach because you can never have too much! And if you think you can, no you don’t.

✨ Per a previous post, the bros’ last name is Marionetti. When they marry, both Mario and Peach keep their respective last names, though they both refer to themselves (and their children, when kids come into play) by the surname Marionetti-Toadstool.

✨ They‘ve both been plagued with sleep problems most of their adult lives; Peach has trouble falling asleep, and Mario has trouble staying asleep. Naturally it’s better when they’re together, but when he’s out playing hero or she’s out on a solo diplomatic mission, their sleep is unsteadier than ever.

✨ Mario will call her by any and every Italian endearment under the sun, but her personal favorite is tesoro mio. He always says it in a hushed voice with a gentle smile and wide, shining eyes, cradling her face in his hands, and she melts every single time.

✨ They develop a reputation fairly quickly for being unable to keep their hands off of each other. Granted, such displays are tasteful and understated, nothing more than held hands or quick kisses to the knuckles or cheek — as long as they know or presume there’s other people around. It’s wise not to go investigating should you hear strange sounds coming from the gardens, or the gazebo, or the library, or the throne room, or any of the janitorial closets, or

✨ Peach still wears her normal dress and crown most of the time, but she has much more decorated gowns, a more ornate crown, and a cape for special occasions to go with her new queenly status; she’ll also wear her hair in a bun in those instances. Mario gets both a souped-up kingly outfit (cape and all) to match, and a “dressed-down” royal wardrobe that he’s gently encouraged to wear whenever he’s attending to general duties around the castle. He would rather wrestle a Spikey in the nude.

✨ Since a great number of their duties don’t overlap, they actually don’t get to see each other much during the day. The solution? They send letters back and forth, just like the good old days when they lived a whole ten minutes apart. Sometimes it’s just random flirtations. Other times, it’s invitations to escape the castle grounds for a while or meet up for dinner in a different location come evening. Whatever the case, the letters are always far more formal and fancy than they need to be. Presentation is half the fun!

✨ Because they’re about the only other two who can appreciate that level of sappy, Toad and Toadette deliver said letters. “Her Majesty has graciously taken time from her busy schedule to write to you by hand! I’d read it quick if I were you!” Toad announces with a dramatic flourish, presenting a pink envelope to Mario. “You have a letter! Looks pretty fancy. And important. Almost like it came from the king,” Toadette teases with a nudge to Peach’s side. The way their faces light up is as annoying as it is adorable.

✨ Whenever life gets too chaotic, they’ll get together with Toadsworth and arrange to take half a day off. They never go far (though they really couldn’t even if they wanted to); they just crash at the bros’ old house. When Luigi still lives there, they’ll all three spend the day together. After he becomes a consort himself and moves out, there’s a 50/50 chance they’ll either have the house to themselves or will end up having an impromptu double-date sleepover, because Luigi and Peasley had the same idea at the same time. Either way, they’ll spend the night watching movies, sleep in, then have a leisurely afternoon before returning to business as usual.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 201: You Get out of It This Time, Kendou

Previously on BnHA: Team MomoYamaTokoKure battled Team KendouMangaKuroToadette. Toadette’s disgusting mushroom quirk was put on display a bit too much for my liking. Manga on the other hand revealed what is easily one of the best quirks in the series to date: he can make any onomatopoeia he wants physically take form. Like he can make an impenetrable wall out of big block katakana characters, or spit out the onomatopoeia for the word “humid” only for it to increase the humidity in the area. Super cool shit. By the way, the katakana wall cut Momo off from the rest of her group, and Kendou took advantage of the opportunity to ambush her. She plans to beat Momo by attacking her relentlessly and not giving her a chance to think. But Todoroki was all “bitch if she wanted to win she should have taken Momo out with one shot because my girl is always planning and strategizing even under pressure.” And oh my god you guys it hyped me up so much. Let’s see how this turns out.

Today on BnHA: Momo makes a big fucking cannon (yesssssss) and uses it to shoot a supply bag over to her friends on the other side of Manga’s onomatowall. The bag turns out to contain a powerful antifungal spray (thank god) as well as a pair of infrared goggles. Tokoyami and Hagakure (Aoyama has unfortunately been captured) use the spray to rid themselves of Toadette’s revolting mushrooms, and track her and Kuroiro down with the goggles. Toko bitchslaps them with Dark Shadow and ties them up, but then Toadette sprouts some mushrooms inside of Toko’s windpipe, which is a punkass cheating move but I guess it’s technically allowed so whatever! Meanwhile Kendou manages to capture Momo after a long struggle, and Hagakure as well. So sadly my best girl Momo ends up losing the day, so thank you so very much for that, Horikoshi. I’m not bitter or anything though. Hope you didn’t end up getting artist’s cramp from drawing all those fucking mushrooms you cold-hearted bastard.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 223, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

MOMO MADE ANOTHER GUN

(ETA: this should be one of her super moves and she should say it in a DJ Khaled voice. anotha gun)

you guys you don’t understand. Momo with a giant cannon protruding from her right side is my fucking aesthetic. look at that smirk. she is ready to blow a bitch up. she is going to enjoy it. “oh you think you’re all that because you have giant mickey mouse hands? well how’s about I literally turn my entire right side into an artillery unit?”

my only regret is that she didn’t go even bigger. I want her to sprout a fucking rocket launcher. or hell, why should Bakugou be the only one with a Howitzer attack? ya feel me? let Momo fuck shit up, is what I’m saying. her quirk is so fucking devastating if you just let her utilize it to its full potential!

somewhere Todoroki Shouto is heating up a bag of popcorn in his left hand and smirking at everyone in class 1-B

anyway, I’m gonna calm the fuck down now (maybe) and actually start reading

so Momo, still smirking, says it takes quite some time to create large objects

lmao and poor Tetsutetsu is all “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE POINTING THAT THING AT HOLY SHIT”

WHO DOESN’T LIKE CANNONS, KID WHOSE NAME HASN’T BEEN REVEALED YET?

lol Kendou is freaking out and thinking ‘no way, it has to be a bluff!’

well maybe it is and MAYBE IT ISN’T! maybe she just fucking snapped!! you don’t know! who says Momo can’t just go flying off the deep end and start making some cannons and being all “OH SO YOU WANT TO GET PHYSICAL HUH?” who says?!

ah well

...YOU GET OUT OF IT THIS TIME KENDOU. I guess. but you best watch yourself sister

so Kendou’s shouting “you really do like to think on the dangerous side, don’t you?!” and lol. I guess? I honestly don’t know, all I know is I’m fucking living for this side of Momo you guys

or here’s a crazy thought, maybe even before the moment of impact, you could do that. like why wait. you just like cutting things close or what

anyway so Momo’s taking aim and firing, and just like she said she would, Kendou’s slamming into her with her bigass hands at the exact same moment

eh?

MOMO WHAT DID YOU SHOOT??

“however...”

oh god the mushrooms again nooooo

-- lmao

it finally happened. we finally heard his hero name in action. what a glorious moment

omg

I can’t tell if this scene was meant to be this funny or if I’m just a horrible person for laughing at Tokoyami’s misfortune

...

he must be going for funny. this has to be intentional

oh jesus, Hagakure

weirdly enough, there still isn’t much of an outline to her. even at this juncture, Horikoshi’s still fully committed to keeping her appearance a secret, I guess. presumably because of her being the fucking U.A. traitor, yeah that’s right Hagakure I haven’t forgotten

and Tokoyami is being overly dramatic as usual

like, Momo’s been gone for thirty seconds and he’s already begun reciting his Shakespearean death monologue

though I do like the acknowledgement that Momo is the unquestioned brains of this operation and the leader of their team and that they’re hopelessly screwed without her

meanwhile Toadette is grinning and saying “shroom, shroom!” like some sort of pokemon. like calm down

lol Manga says his throat is getting sore. you’ve said like six words. though maybe it takes more out of him than it would for a normal person, which is understandable. screaming a bunch of rocks at someone probably does hurt your vocal cords a bit

ah, here comes Momo’s little gift to them, finally!

wow he put that together surprisingly fast

so what did she send them?? please be more guns omg

he’s grabbing Hagakure and Dark Shadow is flying them up to retrieve it

wow

are you two guys just gonna sit there and allow this

dun dun dun DUH!!!!!

so... what does it... do

“A WHOLE BUNCHA GUNS! OH SHIT!”

noooooo fuck, meanwhile Kuroiro says Aoyama’s been captured. DAMMIT TOKO HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN

so that’s Kirishima, Kouda, and Aoyama confirmed dead in the inevitable U.A. invasion which will be the final arc of the series similar to the Battle of Hogwarts, and which will mirror the events of this training battle exactly, according to the conspiracy theory I made up just now which I’m thinking of making a half-hour long Youtube video about maybe but not really

hey what

[counts on fingers] ...

I guess they’re not counting Momo? because they know they’re not getting their hands on her no matter what, that’s right. it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Kendou’s fighting her separately and so they just assume she’ll take care of her. nah I like my version better where they just straight up gave up on that

so Kuro is completely incapable of looking Toadette in the eye, and he’s mumbling everything he says to her, and now he’s shyly thinking about how she just said “as expected of...!” so I take this all to mean that he has an adorable crush on her

holy fucking shit

that joke was almost cremino. have you no morels Toadette

now Kuro is hesitantly asking Toadette if she’s sure the A Team doesn’t know where they’re hiding

what made you think they didn’t? did I miss something? I guess they do kind of blend in pretty well with the surroundings

ah, anyway so the reason he’s asking is because Tokoyami is kind of barreling straight toward them. so

oh snap!

just like Momo offered to make for Kirishima that one time but he was all ACTUALLY FOR YOUR INFORMATION I HAVE MY OWN and she was like okay geez I was just trying to help

also “I stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back” is just. we’ve reached Peak Tokoyami, everyone. pack it up. we’re done here

so the bag contained the googles and also antifungal spray oh shit

loooool

I mean, yeah. use the goggles to track them down and use the antifungal spray to disinfect themselves and fuck the B Team’s shit up. we all understood those intentions you big ham

and he realizes she had already thought of this all the way back when Toadette first attacked

so Tokoyami is bragging about how he noticed that there were no mushrooms sprouting from anyone on class B, so he figured out that they sterilized themselves ahead of time

or she could have just specifically not used her quirk on them, but I guess you happened to be right though

oh yeah, Hawks sayeth that all the time. it’s like his fucking catch phrase. can’t go five minutes without talking about how great speed is

so here’s another new Tokoyami attack!

Tokoyami’s attack names just keep outdoing themselves honestly

so did he basically just spin around a bunch while wrapped in his Black Ankh? did he hit them with those claws?? that’s so violent. class A is just out here straight up trying to kill people

(ETA: lol just wait until the next battle)

LOL

I CAN’T BREATHE OMG. KURO’S FACE

side note, I can never get used to Toko’s first name. it just doesn’t sound like a first name. at all. imagine giving birth to this little baby chick and you’re like “I know, let’s name him Fumikage. like, using the kanji that mean ‘to walk through shadow.’ it just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it”

then again their surname means everlasting darkness, so they probably already knew their baby was destined to be goth

oh shit what’s going on?? he just started coughing all of a sudden

don’t tell me he’s got spores in his lungs or something ewwww

OH FUCK FOR REAL

WELL THIS IS HORRIFYING. this is because I made all those jokes about class A going in for the kill isn’t it

Monoma is smugly saying that Tokoyami fucked up by thinking of this as “mere training” and that he should have knocked her out

meanwhile Manga is getting the shit beat out of him by Hagakure

oh shit

well, Momo, you tried. not your fault these guys didn’t take advantage of the cool shit you sent them

oh snapppp

she even bought you that much time and y’all still managed to fuck it up. unbelievable

ah well

and yet, you did! so this evens up the score as expected

well I can’t say I’m happy to see Momo lose, but she did her best, and class 1-B is freakishly strong you guys so all in all it could have been worse

meanwhile I’m still sitting here trying to figure out how the hell Todoroki of all people is gonna manage to lose the next match. that’s gonna take some doing

aww, the boyfriends

I hope so too Shouto. be sure to give her lots of pep talks after this. that is, once you’re done figuring out how you managed to fuck up so badly so as to lose your own match

Midnight says Momo seems like she’d be a great leader, and yeah. she just needs a little bit of time

and here it is

there there kids. and someone please get Fumikage some lozenges though because omg

(ETA: literally that’s the first thing that happens in the next chapter. relief)