#and while his culinary skills are excellent

[roosterbox]

October Almost-Drabbles 10/7: Apple

Pairing: Cherik

Word Count: 535

Additional tags: “modern” setting, otherwise unspecified AU, no powers, canon disabled character, author is not Jewish but an attempt at keeping kosher was still made, tooth-rotting fluff (as per usual)

Side note: any info about kosher meats was obtained via Google. If it’s not right (or if the mentioned preparations aren’t okay), I apologize. Like I said before, I’m trying not to put TOO MUCH planning or forethought into these drabbles, lol. They were almost going to talk about eating squid and octopus before I thought to check.

Also I know the whole giving teachers apples thing hasn’t been in style in a very long time. I don’t even remember people doing it when I was a kid. It’s an alternate universe, man - just go with it!

Random fun fact: Honeycrisp apples were patented in 1988!

———

The first day of the school year, Charles’ desk was practically covered in apples. Some red, others green, some marbled with yellow. All were perfectly ripe, without bruise or blemish, and filled his classroom with a delicious, fruity aroma. Even the other teachers, who received a few apples of their own, were mildly jealous of the affection Charles’ students had for him.

A bit too much affection, in some cases. More than once he had to gently tell a student that, while he appreciated their regard, there were several reasons why their relationship had to remain purely professional. Such as their age, and the general inappropriateness of such a thing. And there was also his husband, who found the sheer amount of apples Charles brought home every year an endless source of amusement. Plenty for cider, for pies, for baking, or any other different permutations the two of them could conjure.

“Next year you should ask for some Honeycrisps,” Erik said that night as he stored the bags - and bags and bags - of produce.

“Got a few recipes in mind, have you?” Charles teased. With relative ease, he moved himself and his chair around their table, setting out plates and silverware.

His husband shrugged. “Not really. I just rather enjoy them. And there are so few chances these days to indulge.”

“Who would have thought you’d have the sweeter tooth between us?” There was a wine bottle on the counter. Charles took it down and brought it to the table. Excellent vintage, he thought. All that remained was the meal itself. With that in mind, he maneuvered himself out of the wheelchair and into one of the dining seats. Just in time for Erik, finally sans apples, to set the steaming dish right down in the center of the table. Charles thought it smelled absolutely divine, and said as much.

Erik blushed, though he would have denied doing so if asked. “Just an old family recipe tonight, Charles. Nothing special.”

“Anything you make for us is special, my love.”

Before going to his own seat, Erik leaned down to kiss Charles, his own way of silencing the compliments. Though he took pride in his work, Erik still couldn’t help how giddy he got from his husband’s praise.

Charles smiled as they parted. “Except,” he looked thoughtful, “for that albacore tartare from a few months ago.” His stomach growled angrily at the reminder. Sometimes, Erik’s culinary experiments were a bit too ambitious for his digestive system.

Erik grimaced. “I’m never living that down, am I?”

“Not any time soon.”

They both laughed at that. At the very least, the memory was a pleasant one, even if neither had been very happy at the time.

Sometime later, after their bellies were full of roasted meat, veggies, and wine, and they were curled up together on the sofa, Erik squeezed Charles closer, dropping a kiss to the hair of the lightly dozing man.

“I love you,” he said. Charles mumbled out a reply that might have been a returned sentiment. Might also have been gibberish. Either way, Erik was satisfied.

Almost.

“Charles,” he murmured, somewhat deep in thought, “how do you feel about… baked haddock?”

[cherryrainn]

Can I request headcanons with Adam and husk *separate* with fem s/o? P.S. reader is a sinner please

ADAM AND HUSK WITH A SINNER S/O HEADCANONS .

pairing ; adam + reader, husk + reader

note ; thank you for your ask!

warnings ; none

ADAM ★

adam knows about your sins, but he's surprisingly chill about it.

he figures everyone's got some skeletons in their closet, and he's not one to judge.

that's a lie if it was anyone but you he would probably make fun of them but

he's the first man, so he's seen it all.

when an extermination is about to go down, adam discreetly pulls some strings to ensure that you're not targeted during the extermination.

he may be stern in his role, but when it comes to you, he's willing to challenge the timetable.

adam's ego is larger than his fucking wings

he flaunts his perfection, boasting about never making mistakes.

you roll your eyes, but deep down, something is endearing about his unshakable confidence.

he's like your guardian angel.

he doesn't give two shits about "hell's bummer atmosphere" if it means he can come down to see you in the hall

adam tries to cook for you.

let's just say his celestial culinary skills are a work in progress.

you appreciate the effort, even if the taste is questionable.

somebody out there is probably aware of this

HUSK ★

surprise forehead kisses from husk when he's feeling particularly sentimental (and maybe a bit tipsy).

husk surprising you with a small, heart-shaped trinket he found during one of his trips to the casino, claiming he got it for you "by accident."

him grumbling about the annoyingly cute couple at the bar while discreetly slipping his hand into yours under the table

joint napping sessions on lazy afternoons, with husk claiming that it's the only activity he excels at.

husk's tough exterior crumbles when he thinks you're not looking, stealing quick glances filled with genuine affection.

surprise gifts of your favorite snacks and drinks!!

he puts them in places where he knows you'll find them.

if you were stressed out or something;

just imagine him bringing over a bottle of your favorite drink

claiming it's the ultimate stress reliever, and joining you in a laid-back evening.

if you don't drink, imagine it as your favorite snack or something

quiet moments of just being there, husk sitting with you in comfortable silence.

he's just there for you, always

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Astarion with a chef s/o who loves sharing her cooking with everyone?

He wants to like this. Truly.

The first few decades of being a vampire Astarion missed the taste of food. Disgusted that he had to resort to rats. Feast on blood and death. When he was allowed out, he would always try to sneak meals out as Cazador never allowed him anything but the rats and vermin, but he soon realized that he had no appetite for it. Blood was all he craved. Even the rarest meats just tasted of nothing in his mouth as he chewed. He also realized very quickly that what he was missing was not food but the memories of it he could never capture again.

Astarion knew that [Y/N] was an excellent cook.

They boasted a resume of some of the finest restaurants and taverns in Baldur's Gate and Faerûn. Claiming they were a 'culinary adventurer' before all this mess started. The rave reviews from the public and their camp left no sense of exaggeration on their skills, so if anyone was going to cook something for him, he would like it would be [Y/N]. With their clever cooking skills and all the love they poured into it, surely this would fill him up, right?

Yet still, nothing.

"Everything alright Astarion?"

The vampire looked up to see [Y/N] clearing their mains. His own plate embarrassingly full compared to the almost licked clean ones of their camp mates. He really tried. But all he managed to muster was a few bites and to push the food around. "Oh yes darling. Delicious as always." He replied though. Charming smile in place as he handed them back the food. Guilt coiling into his stomach along with the few bites he ate for wasting it.

"Well, I hoped you saved room for dessert. I tried something new today."

"Dessert? My, what decadence." Shadowheart commented before sipping her wine.

"Sweets are for children. I won't be having any."

"Can I have Lae'zel's then if she's not going to have it??" Karlach asked as the githyanki folded her arms in full resolution against sweets.

[Y/N] came out of their prep area they had made in camp with a tray. Lined with small bowls and handed one to all around the fire. "Pudding?"

"What's so special about pudding?" Shadowheart asked as she poked at her own bowl of goo.

"First of all, it is not 'pudding'. It's sanguinaccio dolce. A southern sweet cream based dish made with bitter chocolate and pigs blood. There's a lot more work in that than just 'pudding'."

Astarion looked up from his bowl with about as much surprise as everyone else. "Whoa whoa whoa. There's blood in this?!"

"I mean, yeah. It's where the 'sanguin' part comes into play in the name Karlach."

"I'm not eating blood!" The tiefling remarked, with a level of disgusted that Astarion felt was warranted but still hurtful.

"There's blood in the roast you just ate. You had no problem with that." [Y/N] remarked.

Karlach seemed to start back tracking. "Well...yeah but...that was cooked...."

"So is this. Try it. You might like it."

"I've actually heard of this dessert before." Gale commented as he examined his spoon full of pudding critically. Like it was a science experiment. "It was mentioned in a few books I read. Not often mind you. It is certainly an acquired taste. More of a traditional dish than anything."

"Look. If you guys don't want to eat it...."

"No, no. I'll give it a try."

"Once you've had a tadpole in your eye I suppose...." Shadowheart said, before swallowing a lump in her throat just before the pudding.

They all took a bite in unison. The expressions of the others lost to Astarion as his eyes lit up. This was actually very good. Really good.

His mouth was filled with blood and dark chocolate. A sensual taste and sensation as his tongue was coated with the velvety soft dessert. And he could actually taste it. Was this what people meant when they said food was better than sex? Because he could almost believe it now.

Astarion ate his dessert with gusto, while the group continued to in trepidation, as [Y/N] came over to sit beside him. No dessert. Just observing their handy work. "What do you think?"

"It's delicious." It might have been the first time he meant it. "It's certainly a...unique concept. What inspired you to try it tonight of all things?"

"You never eat my cooking." Astarion was taken aback. Although honestly, he couldn't be that surprised. They had eyes. They knew he never cleared his plate like the others. "So I wanted to make something I hoped you would eat."

Astarion was surprised. All this effort just for him? No one had ever put in this much effort for him. Or any effort at all. He felt incredibly moved. But of course, he couldn't let them know that. "I eat you darling." Astarion quipped as he slid closer to them. "Isn't that enough?"

"It's not the same." They told him. "Cooking is my life. It's my passion. I wanted to share it with you."

"Are you suggesting our relationship isn't passionate enough?"

[Y/N] chuckled. "Not like that. But...I want more than that. Sharing our interests and hobbies. Not just our bodies." Astarion sat there for a moment. Contemplating their words as he stared at the now empty bowl.

He had heard the phrase before of ‘food nourishes more than just the body, but the soul’. He thought it was some other ridiculous saying like the food was better than sex comment and shrugged it off. But now, Astarion thought he could understand it.

He felt full for once. Not just by the small dessert, but for with the effort, the time they put into it, the thought. He knew very soon his usual instable hungry for what really sated him would be back, but for now he felt….content.

“I suppose I’ll have to start developing some hobbies.”

[Y/N] chuckled. Then gave him a kiss before they took his bowl and went to clean it. He licked his lips once they were gone. Still tasting sweet chocolate and ruby red on them. Already hungry for more.

[yandereworlds]

they're all so cute ;0;

do you have any fun facts about dantae you want to share?

Actually, yes! Here's some Dantae Headcanons!

𖦹 Dantae is 100% a dog person. He owns two great Dane’s! One is named Marco and the other Leon.

𖦹 Dantae definitely prefers a s/o that’s shorter than him for many reasons, mostly because he likes being able to lift up his s/o whenever he feels like it and because they pose less of a threat and won’t be nearly as difficult to subdue when times call for it. I won’t say he’s entirely against dating a taller s/o, but he’ll definitely be more apprehensive

𖦹 Dantae adheres to an exceedingly strict diet, making a conscious effort to minimize carb intake. He's seemingly one of those individuals dedicated to going to the gym, exercising at least twice daily, and meticulously upholding a balanced diet. Should you find yourself in a relationship with Dantae, he'll undoubtedly encourage you to embrace his dietary choices, despite knowing your aversion to it, in one way or another. Whenever you complain to him, he’d likely say something along the lines of, “I just want to help you keep that perfect figure, Cariño. Don’t be so angry..”

𖦹 Regrettably, Dantae's persuasive nature doesn't end with his diet preferences. He would also try to motivate you to join him in morning exercises, though he won't be as overly insistent. His approach would involve incorporating you into his routines, such as doing push-ups with you sitting on his back or engaging in sit-ups while showering you with affectionate kisses every time he comes back up.

𖦹 Dantae values a significant other who possesses excellent culinary skills. After all, they say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and that rings true for Dantae. Naturally, he would anticipate his partner to prepare meals for him throughout the day and keep the table full. These acts of service will genuinely make Dantae appreciate his significant other, especially when they are done without him having to ask for them.

𖦹 When Dantae isn't occupied with his work as a bounty hunter, he likely spends his leisure time at shooting ranges. He constantly strives to enhance his weapon-handling skills, though he usually prefers that his significant other isn’t present. However, with sufficient encouragement, he might occasionally bring them along, strictly as an observer and never to participate. The idea of his partner handling a gun or any weapon unsettles him; he firmly believes it isn't their place, and he intends to maintain that boundary, regardless if they are actually good at it or not.

𖦹 Adding onto what I mentioned earlier, acts of service form the foundation of Dantae's love language. Verbal expressions of affection aren't his forte; instead, he lets his actions speak volumes. Following a taxing evening of work, he might return home and tenderly massage his significant other's shoulders and feet, or take the initiative to handle some household chores if they are feeling exhausted. He might even draw a soothing bath for the two of you, embracing the opportunity to share a moment of relaxation and intimacy.

𖦹 Dantae is an avid horror enthusiast. He finds immense joy in watching scary movies with his significant other, relishing not only the thrill of the films, but also the comforting presence of having you clinging onto him. It reinforces his sense of being your primary protector, and there's nothing he enjoys more than that reassuring feeling.

𖦹 Probably takes photos of his s/o while they are sleeping and definitely has a folder compiled purely of all the photos he's taken of you over time.

𖦹 Dantae has a tendency to discreetly plant bugs or tracking devices on most of his darling's belongings. It's not that he doesn’t trust you, but rather he finds comfort in knowing your whereabouts at all times. Even though he could easily ask, that alone doesn't suffice for him. He's unlikely to reveal this behavior, and in the event that his darling discovers one of these bugs and confronts him, he won't try to hide it. Instead, he may openly admit to doing so, taking pride in the belief that he's merely looking out for your well-being.

𖦹 Dantae has difficulty accepting criticism, regardless of whether it is intended for his own betterment or not. Any form of correction or being told he's mistaken about something tends to trigger his anger swiftly. In such situations, he may become easily irritated or even display aggression, depending on the circumstances.

𖦹 Dantae is heavily family-oriented, he often puts them above everything else and prioritizes them. Dantae truly believes that there's really nothing else like family and if it came down to it, he would do just about anything for his family.

𖦹 Dantae adheres to a highly disciplined sleeping routine. He typically retires to bed between 9 to 8 PM, and as an early riser, he wakes up around 5 AM. Every morning, while his significant other enjoys a bit more rest, he engages in various activities such as exercising, tending to yard work, or handling tasks like fetching the mail. This structured morning routine allows him to make the most of each day and take care of necessary chores before his partner wakes up.

𖦹 Dantae's major pet peeve revolves around the silent treatment or being ignored, as he finds such behavior disrespectful. When faced with this treatment, he doesn't hesitate to become hostile in response. However, when it comes to his significant other, he may exhibit a bit more tolerance and patience, though even that has its limits, like most things in his life.

𖦹 Will always be the big spoon, it is non negotiable.

Hope this gave you a little more of an idea of the type of person Dantae is! Enjoy!

𖦹 Join our Discord server to get early access to art, polls, headcanons and more! 𖦹

[etrsilk]

Hi! Can you do the main four with a famous cook reader, ? Like she always cooks for them, always do delicious lunch box for them when they get away and when they meet she always brought pastries specially for them that she cooked herself. Have a nice day !

𝐖𝐖𝐖.𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄

₊✩‧₊˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ⇝ 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨: 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢,𝘎𝘰𝘯,𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢,𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘰

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ✘

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

⎝ 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚:: here is your request! I hope you like it and sorry for the wait ♡ and thank you for being so active on my account!! ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ ♡

 —𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

❀ Killua loves food, especially anything sweet. He frequently asks you to make homemade cakes or candies for him. He also often sends you recipes he finds in his recommendations, hoping you’ll try them out for him.

❀ Even if he doesn’t always show it willingly, he’s your dedicated assistant. When you cook, he’s always by your side to help, handing you ingredients and reading the recipe. He loves feeling involved in creating his favorite treats.

❀ Killua has made it a habit to rate your dishes on a scale of 1 to 10, even though he’s not an expert. He always tries his best to offer constructive feedback and suggestions, aiming to make you smile with his comments.

❀ He would never dare to tell you, but you literally make his day when you slip your homemade lunches into his bag before he heads to work, especially when you include little love notes. It reminds him of how much you care and makes his day much better.

❀ You always make sure that when he comes home from work, there’s something he loves waiting for him. Whether it’s a dish, a dessert, or even just some sweets, you ensure that he feels cherished and appreciated every moment.

 —𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐊𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

❀ I have a headcanon that Kurapika deeply appreciates food and uses it as a way to de-stress. So, naturally, the fact that you are a pro in this area makes him incredibly happy!

❀ The first time he tasted one of your dishes, his eyes literally lit up. He said it was the best thing he had ever eaten, with a sincerity that warmed your heart.

❀ He loves being with you while you prepare your meals. Often, he just watches you with admiration, and sometimes, he stands behind you to give you a hug while observing your cooking, finding comfort in your presence and culinary skills.

❀ From time to time, you secretly slip lunches filled with his favorite foods into his bag, especially when you know his workday will be particularly tough. These thoughtful gestures warm his heart and help him face challenges with more ease.

 —𝐆𝐎𝐍ꫂ ၴႅၴ

❀ He asks a lot of questions, being very curious about what you’re preparing, how you’re going to do it, and why you choose that particular order… In short, he’s always eager to learn.

❀ When you cook, he’s constantly underfoot, eagerly waiting for you to appoint him as your assistant. He loves being involved and feels honored to help you.

❀ Somehow, you’ve managed to pass on your passion for cooking to him. It’s not uncommon for him to try cooking on his own, often in the hope of impressing you. Although he rarely succeeds, his enthusiasm and effort are absolutely endearing.

❀ Cooking has become a shared activity for the two of you. You carefully teach him the basics, while he puts all his concentration and motivation into mastering even the simplest dishes. It’s a moment of sharing and bonding that strengthens your relationship.

❀ You often slip homemade lunches into his bag when he goes off on adventures. He truly appreciates these gestures and finds them incredibly sweet. However, he often gets “robbed” by his friends who clamor for your precious and delicious food, which has gained quite a reputation.

 —𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎ꫂ ၴႅၴ

❀ I can easily see Leorio being an excellent cook. It’s not his main passion, but he certainly doesn’t dislike it. You’ve even had cooking competitions before. The premise is simple: you both cook the same dishes and have your friends decide which one is the best. Naturally, Leorio loses almost every time, which always brings a lot of laughter between you two.

❀ You often try to help him in the kitchen, but out of pride, he always pretends to know everything with a slightly arrogant tone. It’s endearing to see him trying to hide his need to learn.

❀ In reality, Leorio is very creative and innovative, perhaps even more than you. He always has the best ideas and advice to improve your recipes, adding a touch of originality that always surprises.

❀ He loves to brag about your reputation as a chef and constantly encourages you to open your own restaurant. He is your biggest supporter and firmly believes in your talent.

❀ When he wants you to prepare homemade lunches for him, he drops “subtle” hints, leaving little clues here and there. Each time you slip these meals into his bag, you brighten his day. His eyes light up with gratitude, and he feels incredibly lucky to have you by his side.

—English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes!!

[therealslimsanji]

Ok, my darlings! As promised.

One Taz/Reader sexy time fic at your service!

Please be aware, I'm no writer. Plus, I've got a house full of noise and chaos, and I work from home, so this will probably have a ton of grammar and spelling mistakes. C'est la vie, mon ami.

So without further ado, I bring to you:

Taz/Reader

Rated: Explicit for language and oral sex (m receiving).

(Also rating E for "eh" at the quality of work here.)

But anyway, I hope you all will enjoy it a little bit!

**UPDATE, I EDITED THE STORY A BIT AFTER POSTING SO IT MIGHT READ DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME**

Taz Skylar/Reader

The night had come and the kitchen was finally quiet now. A few of Taz's cast mates from One Piece had dropped by yalls apartment to celebrate the show's season two renewal. Nothing too major. Mostly it was just another excuse for your boyfriend Taz to show off his excellent culinary skills.

That thought made you smile as you finished towel drying the last dish and placing it in the dish rack. A gentle wave of warmth spread through you. It always did whenever you thought about Taz cooking for you or his friends. He was such an affectionate man and one of the ways he's come to show his love is through his kitchen creations.

"Quickest way to a person's heart is through their stomach, darling," he'd said once while effortlessly chopping up a wide variety of vegetables for some fancy stew.

On cue, almost as if he could sense you were thinking about him, Taz appeared behind you, wrapping his slim toned arms around your waist. His chin came to rest on your shoulder.

Your eyes fell closed as you leaned back into his touch. His arms pulling you impossibly closer to him.

"Did you have fun today?" You asked as the two of you began to sway slightly. Your arms coming to rest atop his around your waist.

He chuckled lowly, "I always have fun when I'm with you and my friends. I love you all. Very much. You the most, obviously." At that he chuckled some more, burying his face into your neck and kissing the skin there.

"We love you too, babe. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you and everything you've accomplished in the last year alone," you spun around to face him, sliding your hands up and down his biceps, "if anyone deserves to be celebrated right now it's you, my love."

Taz blushed at your words, eyes dipping down a bit in a bashful manner. That was something else about Taz you've come to love, how he shy he gets whenever he gets complimented. It was adorable and you took that moment to lean up and kiss him.

Your arms came up to wrap around his neck as his hands moved to the small of your back. Eyes closed, the two of you kissed slowly and deeply. You moaned a bit as you felt him grind subconsciously against you. Smiling into the kiss, you bit gently at his bottom lip and pulled away slowly. There was a glint in your eye that made Taz shiver in your hold.

"C'mere," you whispered, taking both his hands in yours and guiding him towards the counter of the kitchen island. You spun him around, his lower back pressing against the edge of the counter as you attacked his mouth once more in a much needier kiss.

You felt his hands try to grasp at the buttons of your shirt but you quickly put a stop to that, grabbing them and pinning them down on the counter's edge.

"Mm-mm," you hummed against his mouth before pulling back to say, "this is about you tonight. Leave your hands on this counter and don't move them until I say." 

Taz looked as though all the wind had been punched out of him, his face flushed as all the blood rushed south quickly. You could easily fell the hardness of his arousal pressing against your own crotch.

It made your mouth water.

Leaning forward to lick the shell of his left ear, you whispered, "I think I'm still hungry.."

You could hear him swallow audibly.

"Y/N...you..."

Before he could finish his thought, you sunk to your knees, maintaining eye contact with him the entire way down. His gorgeous ocean eyes were blown near completely black, his chest beginning to rise and fall a bit rapidly. His lips were still a little moist from kissing, and God dammit if he wasn't the most beautiful man you'd ever had the pleasure of, well, pleasuring.

Oh yeah. You were gonna take your time with this. Savor every second. Watch every micro-expression cross that stunning face of his. Slowly you undid the button and zipper of his dark jeans, pushing the material down a bit along with his black boxer briefs-- this man and his love for the color black. It was understandable though. He looked fucking amazing in it.

But then, he'd look fucking amazing in a burlap sack.

Taking out his cock, you let the warmth of your breath to ghost over the tip as you pulled the foreskin back. You watched as Taz's head fell back and felt the full body shiver run through him.

"Taz," his head snapped back down at the sound of his name, "look at me. Don't look anywhere else but me."

"Christ, Y/N..." He grit out. His slender hips bucked slightly, searching out more friction. Your hand was still wrapped just this side of too loose around his cock. You knew it was driving him crazy.

With a smirk, you stuck your tongue out and lapped at the precum gathering at the tip, shiny and salty and tasting uniquely of Taz. It was definitely a taste you could get addicted to.

Your right hand stroked his base as your full lips closed around the tip entirely. Your tongue pressed along the slit, rubbing against the spongy head as you sucked lightly.

Above you the blond moaned, tongue coming out to lick at his bottom lip before his teeth bit down in it. His knuckles were white where they held their death grip on the counter's edge.

You kept your eyes locked as you swallowed more of him down with each bob of your head. Both of your hands griping at each of his denim clad thighs. A few more bobs and you had him swallowed down nearly to the hilt, the dark curls around the base tickling at your nose.

A small whimper left his throat, he was trying so hard not to thrust up into your mouth. You smiled around your mouthful, admiring his attempt at control for the sake of your comfort. But you meant what you said.

Tonight was about Taz.

You pulled off still staring up at him, lips plump and wet, "you can fuck my mouth, baby."

"Oh fuck..." He groaned. "Can I..?" He lifted a hand off the counter in a silent request for your permission.

"Use me," your voice was a bit deeper now.

His hand threaded through your soft hair as he grasped a handful, not too tight. Just enough to know you were gonna be hoarse as fuck after all was said and done.

Wasting no more time, you swallowed him back down as far as you could handle. The hand in your hair moved to cup at the crown of your head, keeping you in place as your throat muscles worked around him.

"Oh my God, Y/N. Oh shit..." his blue eyes were struggling to keep focus on you. He was beginning to pant hard, hips moving more and more, almost desperate.

You pulled back a bit, stroking him quickly as you took a moment to catch your breath.

"That feel good?" You asked with a mock innocence, mouth going right back to sucking him down.

"Fuck yes. Feels incredible. 'M not gonna last..."

But you knew that already from the way his hips were starting to stutter in their thrusts. You're no amateur. You've gone down on him enough times to be able to read his body like an open book.

His moans and whimpers as he inched closer to climax were a melody you knew by heart. He was so close now.

"Oh God..Oh f-fuck, Y/N fuck.." this was the part where you swallowed him deep. Sucking as best you could while your throat muscles worked around him and his hips ground against your face. Your left hand came up to massage at his tightening balls while your right hand sought out the hand he had in your hair. He released his grip on your head so that your fingers could lace together. 

There was something so intimate about grasping his hand as his orgasm approached. It made your heart swell. It was also established by now as your way of giving him consent to continue chasing his climax since your mouth was usually too busy to actually tell him in the heat of the moment. A silent assurance that you were in it until the end.

"I'm gonna cum. Y/N I'm gonna-fuuuck..." 

One more clumsy thrust of his hips, and you felt your mouth fill with his warm release. You swallowed as much as you could, trying to keep up with how much was shooting out. You continued to suck him through it all, only popping off when the hand still grasping the counter weakly pushed your head off.

He was panting and beginning to slump down against the bottom cabinets beneath the marbled counter. You could feel his thighs trembling as you tucked him back into his underwear and pants. He was struggling slightly to remain upright and standing. But he was also smiling bright and sweet. Skin almost glowing from the thin sheen of sweat gracing his forehead.

Good God he was beautiful in his post-orgasm bliss.

"Oh my God, Y/N, that was..."

You rose up to your feet and nuzzled your nose against his, feeling cocky and euphoric and aroused as FUCK.

"Amazing?" You supplied teasingly, "mind blowing? 10 outta 10 would recommend to all your friends??"

He shot you a curious glance at that last one before a sleepy smile took over.

"First two, absolutely. But I've no intentions of ever sharing you with anybody." He wrapped both arms around your waist and kissed your forehead. "I love you," he spoke against your hairline.

You tightened your hold on him, "I love you too, Taz."

He pulled back, eyebrow raising mischievously.

"Round two in the bedroom?"

"Way ahead of you, sugar tits."

With a giggle, you shoved him back playfully against the counter and made a mad dash for the master bedroom. Taz chased behind hot on your heels.

The sound of yalls laughter filled the apartment before the bedroom door closed behind you.

End ❤️

[fixaidea]

So here's the thing: I don't usually engage with or care about top/bottom discourse EXCEPT when I think it's funny, sooo...

Let's do some Science and examine Pingxie in a Very Serious Manner.

To do this, first let's take a look at some data gathered from all the danmei novels and shows I know (relevant for calibration you know, since they have actual canon top/bottom dynamics.)

SVSSS

Shen Qingqiu - Since his cause of death wasn't starvation we can assume - well, at least hope - that he can make instant noodles, if nothing else, but he will absolutely avoid having to cook if he can help it.

Luo Binghe - As the Protagonist he of course has to be The Bestest at everything (...except sex, apparently) and it's mentioned that both Bingge and Bingmei use their culinary skills to woo the people they want to sleep with. He's also the top, even though everyone involved would be better off if he wasn't.

MDZS

Lan Wangji - Becomes a pretty decent cook, as per the extras. Prefers to top.

Wei Wuxian - It's not like he's incompetent, he doesn't burn or undercook the food, it's just that his taste is so extreme that his dishes are basically inedible to anyone else.

TGCF

Hua Cheng - No special talent for cooking, but at least he's not actively dangerous. There's no on-page sex scene in the novel, but it's made obvious that he tops.

Xie Lian - Biohazard. Weapons-grade culinary anti-talent. Gastronomy's answer to Vogon poetry.

Golden Stage

Ulike in most of the other novels on the list, food doesn't really have much symbolic meaning and not much is said about either Fu Shen's or Yan Xiaohan's cooking skills, exept for a brief mention of Fu Shen pickling eggs to pass the time. This is a rare couple that canonically switches.

Guardian

Zhao Yunlan - This man considers instant noodles cooked with coffee an okay way to surprise a boyfriend. He really wouldn't mind topping, which he keeps lamenting throughout the book, but he's paired with Shen Wei who might just have the strongest set preference out of everyone on this list.

Shen Wei - Likes to dote on Zhao Yunlan by cooking for him and is genuinely very good at it.

Word of Honor (mind, I have only watched the show here)

Zhou Zishou - Can keep himself alive, but left to his own devices would probably make due with charred-and-yet-undercooked fish or something.

Wen Kexing - A competent cook. While obviously not detailed in the drama I looked it up (or asked someone, I can't remember) and he's the top here.

Erha

Chu Wanning - Perfected exactly one (1) dish, is rather... unfortunate otherwise. You could not pay this man to top.

Mo Ran - Excellent cook. Actually worked in a kitchen at one point in his life, giving and receiving food is basically his main love-language.

Now that we have examined these canon couples and have drawn all the relevant conclusions, let's apply what we learned to our non-danmei, might-as-well-be-canon-but-isn't ship.

Wu Xie - Can cook just fine both in the novel and the drama-verse even if it doesn't come up too often. In the first season he cooks up a pretty decent feast for his friends and in the Yucun books he helps come up with the dishes they would serve in their restaurant.

Zhang Qiling - The entire Thing of this poor sod as a character is that he knows how to survive but not how to live. Taking the time to prepare nice meals or cook anything beyond basic sustenance just... doesn't fit that picture.

So.

I rest my case.

[4sh-n4]

Bruce Wayne, who can't cook to save his life but can bake better than even Alfred. The catch? He can only do it in the night after being awoken by nightmares. No one knows about his extraordinary skills other than Alfred and Dick, because everyone assumes that the baked goods in the kitchen are made by Alfred. Dick knows because when he was younger and couldn't sleep because of nightmares, he used to join Bruce in the kitchen and watch him work.

Dick Grayson, who is an absolute disaster in the kitchen because he keeps getting distracted, but give him a microwave and a dream and he'll prepare a solid three course meal that actually tastes decent. He's also an excellent cocktail maker, which is funny since he prefers to have his alcohol straight without any mixers (he still puts the little umbrellas in his glass though, don't be mistaken)

Jason Todd, who is an ACE in the kitchen because he refused to ever be helpless with food again after getting off the streets. He was going to eat, and he was going to eat WELL. Especially since he finally had the resources to be able to actually experiment with what he likes and what he can do with different foods, instead of just what's cheapest or most easily found. The one thing he can't do? Crack an egg with only his hands without getting any of the eggshell pieces in the food. He needs to use one of those little egg cracking tools. The thing that pissed him off the most about this is that the one thing Dick can do brilliantly in the kitchen, is crack eggs with one (1!!!) hand only.

Tim Drake, who is definitely not michelin star level (the Drakes had a cook for Tim's entire childhood so he never had to learn), but has learnt to sustain himself with instant meals and those little ramen packets. He somehow always makes them taste good though, adding toppings and making sure they are some form of nourishing, even if that just means adding a fried egg on top and calling it a day. He also knows the difference between all the different little types of tea that alfred likes to drink just by taste, and is the only other person in the house that can make a perfect cup (that is Alfred approved). It always shocks everyone else, because Tim is notorious for hating the taste of tea.

Cass Cain, who has no culinary abilities and does not want them either. Her skills in the kitchen start and end with making sandwiches. But whenever she goes out to eat, she always goes to a chinese restaurant and gets something that she hasn't tried before, because she was never introduced to any foods of her culture and wants to taste them all now. Oh, and she can do super complicated tricks with the knives, her and Dick have constant competitions about who can do the coolest thing.

Steph Brown, who lives off of takeaway for most meals, but can make better breakfast foods than most people in the house. Waffles, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast, you name it and she can make it. Only if it is traditionally eaten before noon though. She also worked as a barista part time for a while, so she knows all the fancy coffee recipes.

Damian Al Ghul Wayne, who doesn't care to cook other cuisines, but taught himself how to make almost every middle eastern and south asian dish he could get his hands on, because it helped him feel closer to his home and his mother when he first moved in with his father. His fondest memories of his mother are of her feeding him his cultural foods and telling him about their origins. It was the only time they did not speak of work, or his training, but instead about what his father was like as a person, about the things his mother has seen on her travels over the years, about his maternal grandmother, about his interest in animals.

Duke Thomas, who can cook enough for a 15 year old but doesn't touch the kitchen of Wayne manor very often, not unless he's just sitting on the counter watching others or helping minorly. His memories are still fresh enough to bleed when touched and all his memories of him cooking in the kitchen have his parents happily dancing in the background on Sundays with loud music blaring through the walls as they teach him how to chop onions without crying or knead dough.

Alfred Pennyworth, who only had the most basic culinary skills when he began working for the Waynes, just enough to keep him alive when he was in the military, but was forced to learn how to cook when he was unexpectedly given custody of an 8 year old. He can cook better than most professional chefs in the world now, but he still hoards Thomas Wayne's old cookbooks like they're the only tangible part left of the man who once filled the halls of the manor, even though he knows that's not true. He'll pass them down to his grandchildren one day...just not today. Today, they're still his.

[manicplank]

HEY have you done any headcanons about their cooking/baking skills? Like what kind of stuff they make for themselves, are they any good etc. (i ask this because i can’t cook for shit and i feel like the noise would be similar, or at least he would suck at making meals for himself FHDHFH)

I don't think I have

Cooking/baking

Peppino: Amazing cook, always has been. Went to culinary college (still paying back student loans). As for baking, he can't make anything from scratch except pizza dough.

Gustavo: Great cook, makes delicious soups. He also went to culinary college and excelled. He can't really bake all that great, though.

Mr. Stick: Can't cook or bake. Burns everything. Usually goes out to eat or orders delivery.

Pepperman: Okay cook. Not the best, but not the worst. Cooking is an art that he hasn't mastered. Can't really bake.

The Vigilante: Decent cook. Has an old cookbook from his grandma that he uses a lot. Can sort of bake, but it doesn't always come out perfect.

The Noise: Can't cook for shit. It's too fast-paced for his rat mind. Microwave meals are his go-to. He can't bake, either. Even box cake mix will be ruined.

Noisette: She actually can cook decent meals, but she ruins them by adding something completely impractical (ex. peanut butter spaghetti, chocolate corncobs). However, she's an incredible baker. Muffins, cupcakes, cakes, bread, you name it, she's mastered it.

Fake Peppino: He can't cook. He always starts a fire because he doesn't know how fire works. He can't bake, either. Nothing ever comes out edible.

Pizzahead: While he has potential, he has the tendency to spice everything up to make it taste like pizza. Pizza soup, pizza steak, etc. He does the same with baking. Nobody wants their cookies to taste like pizza...

Pillar John: He's not the best cook. He's the kind of guy to use instant things; instant noodles, instant potatoes, instant rice, etc. He is a decent baker, though. He makes a great banana bread.

Gerome: He's an okay cook. It's not the worst, but it's not the best. It's certainly edible, but it's a little bland. His baking skills aren't great. He forgets about things, and they end up burnt.

[myadmiringmind]

Breakfast | Jace Herondale

Jace Herondale Masterlist

Word Count: 1k

Genre: Domestic fluff

Pairing(s): Reader x Jace Herondale, (mentioned) Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood

Summary: Your morning are normally all over the place. But there is one constant thing. Or perhaps you should say person.

Warning: Food, kissing, possibly some cursing.

Notes:

|PICTURES ARE NOT MINE|

______________________________

The bed was nice and comfortable this particular morning. A little too comfortable. But you don’t think that was because of the bed. 

A hand was rubbing up and down your back. Soothing you and relaxing your posture. You don’t think you could’ve cared if a demon had burst through the door at that very moment.

“I was wondering when you would finally wake up.” The blonde said

“The beds comfortable.” You replied in a whisper

“You mean my bed is comfortable.”

You looked around the room in confusion. Sure enough you were in Jaces room.

Your brain scanned for memories of last night.

“What happened?” You asked turning around to face him.

Jace was propped up on his elbow, his face in his palm as he looked down on you.

“We nearly got killed by a demon. We got back to the institute and ordered some dinner, you crashed after dinner. Typical night.” Jace shrugged

You nodded, half awake. A yawn left your mouth.

“So,” you began, “what’s for breakfast?”

Jace smiled, an easy, soft smile. Not like the sharp sarcastic ones he often gave others. These smiles were reserved for only when it was the two of you.

“Well, Alec’s at the old warlocks, Izzy went out with fangs, and Clary’s at the abandoned police station, meeting with some werewolves. Something apparently happened last weekend that we needed to be bothered about so Clary went to check it out. So we could order in or-”

“Should we have sent someone with her?” You asked

“Her dads there of course. Besides, Clary can hold her own.”

You hummed in agreement, Clary might be small but she is one feisty girl. Especially when you beat her at a board game while drunk.

Jace cleared his throat teasingly, “As I was saying we could order something or I could make something.”

You raised your eyebrows, “You can cook?”

“And bake.” Jace added, seemingly not at all offended by his partner's words.

“Since when?”

“Since forever. My father wanted me to be very diverse in my skills, that includes culinary arts.” He stopped for a moment, “And how to sing the entire abc’s in fifteen seconds.”

You were going to comment on that but Jace sat up, and you closed your mouth.

“Shall we?” He held out his hand for you

You chuckled and took his hand, “I suppose we shall.”

—————————

The kitchen was reasonably enormous. With the amount of rooms the institute held it only made for the kitchen to be such an extended space.

Jace let go of your hand and went over the fridge.

When you saw him eyeing the leftovers you spoke up, “I thought you were supposed to be showing off your excellent chef skills.”

Jace looked towards, amused, “I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think about lunch in the process.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled nonetheless.

Jace looked at the fridge, deep in the thought, then he grinned.

You raised your eyebrows, “What’s that look?”

Jace looked at you, “What look?”

You point at him, “That one. It makes me nervous.”

He smirked, “I make you nervous?”

“Wha- You know what I mean.” You said

His smirk didn’t fade, “Of course I do.”

You watched him as he walked to the cabinets and began searching through them.

He glanced back at you, “Make yourself comfortable, darling. Perfection takes time.”

——————————

You lost track of the time. You mostly talked to Jace while he worked. Jace was a good multi-tasker. He told you some old stories (some you were sure he made up) as he continued his work.

Like fighting, Jace moved smoothly throughout the kitchen. Never knocking anything over, or burning himself, or stopping to make sure he had added the right thing into the pan. You were a little jealous.

“Go sit at the table.” Jace said

Twenty minutes later he brought over a tray of food. You felt a bit like royalty in that moment.

The food looked amazing, you had believed him when he said he could cook and bake but you were very pleasantly surprised.

If it looked amazing, it certainly smelled even better.

The tray was full of the kind of food you’d see in a movie. There was a mixture of fruits, fluffy pancakes, a little cup full of syrup, another of chocolate chips. It even had a little cup full of your favorite candy. There was chocolate syrup in another cup.

Jace leaned over you with a whipped cream can in hand and made a little swirl on top of your pancakes. He gave you a kiss on the cheek as well.

You looked up at him, jaw dropped. He only smirked in return, validated by your expression.

“Wow, Jace, this is…amazing.” You said for a lack of a better word.

“I told you.” He said

He took a couple of the mixed fruits from your plate and popped them into his mouth.

You raised an eyebrow at him, but he only took another, keeping eye contact with you the entire time.

“Now,” He pushed the tray towards you, “try it so you can tell me more about how jaw dropping I am.”

“I did not say jaw dropping.” You said

His smirk was still ever so present, “You didn’t have to, darling.”

You cast one more glare towards him before adding what you wanted to your pancakes and taking a bite.

It was really good.

You couldn’t help but moan in delight.

“I take it I am as good as I know I am.” Jace said

“I admit, this is really fantastic.” You said

“Fantastic, hm? I like that.” He said, “Since I made it I suppose it’s only fair if I try it, right?”

You shrugged, he had made a lot of food.

You expected him to take the fork and dig into the pancakes, not to pull you into his lap and kiss you.

He swallowed your gasp of surprise, passionately kissing you until you couldn’t remember the taste of the food.

When he pulled back, you were confused.

He looked at you in thought before saying, “My food is fantastic.”

But the look in his eyes told you he didn’t care at all for the food.

His hands that rested on your hips pulled your lips back to his.

The leftovers from breakfast were put in the fridge for later.

-------------

edited on 05/16/2024

[invadertem]

(CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT) ROGUE ZIM

Status: Unknown; presumably alive

Personal Information:

- Pak Model: Defective Superior Model-1

- Gender/Sex: Male (Type B)

- Pronouns: He/Him

- Age: 25 Earth/Irken years

- Sexuality: Omni (Preference: Male)

- Rank: Rogue Super Weapon

- Rogue Code Name: Poltergeist

Physical Description:

- Appearance: Magenta Eyes/Pak

- Height: 5'5"

- Notable Features: Extremely scarred but bandaged arms, small face scar, Pink hoodie

Skills and Enhancements:

- Natural Ability: His pak can release high-voltage shocks capable of killing living beings and destroying technology. Connection to tech results in corruption.

- Pak Weapons: Equipped with powerful weapons designed by Zim himself.

- Emotion-Induced Abilities: Strong emotions can tear holes in time and space, creating small Florpus-like portals.

- Emotional Range: His defect allows him to experience a wide range of emotions.

- Independent Pak: His pak sometimes acts independently from Zim.

- Enhanced Senses: Superior hearing, scent, and sight.

- Training: Proficient in war strategies, combat, anatomy, mechanics, and other fields, driven by Miyuki to be the best.

- Speed and Strength: Quick reflexes allowing for rapid movement. Above-average strength and high pain tolerance.

- Natural Weapons: Claws and teeth sharpened to knife-like sharpness.

Fun Facts:

- Bio-Weapon Origin: The first successful Irken Empire Bio-weapon.

- Unique Scent: Emits a sweet scent with underlying hints of blood and metal.

- Powerhouse: Considered the strongest Irken to ever exist.

- Purring Smeet: Teased for his sleepy nature and purring as a smeet.

- Culinary Preferences: Enjoys sweet foods, while regular food makes him feel sick.

- Musical Inclination: Surprisingly, likes singing songs to himself.

- Personality: Aggressive and cold in nature.

- Troop Membership: Part of Troop 9 during training.

- Infamous Record: Personally responsible for the documented deaths of 10,000 individuals using only his pak.

Notable Events (in chronological order):

1. Caused five years of darkness on Irk upon creation due to a high-voltage electricity shock.

2. Experimented on by Miyuki as a child.

3. Excelled academically, ranking at the top of his classes.

4. Had a height stunter installed by Miyuki for easier control but later removed.

5. Spark from his pak caused four more years of darkness on Irk during a sparring incident.

6. Invented numerous bio-weapons and mass destruction devices.

7. "Accidentally" killed Miyuki and Spork with a bio-weapon.

8. Played a key role in winning the battle of Meekrob during Mission of Impending Doom One.

9. Banished from the Irken Empire, reappearing during Mission of Impending Doom Two.

10. Banished once more, this time to Earth.

11. Involved in the Florpus Incident.

12. Went Rogue, leaving Earth for four years with no trace of his whereabouts.

13. Destroyed multiple Empire Watch Bases (C1, C2, C3, D5, D6, G9, G11, G18, Z1), with more to be documented.

This document provides official information regarding Defective Superior Model-1, also known as Poltergeist, and his extensive history, abilities, and notable events within the Irken Empire. He is extremely dangerous and is to be reported upon sighting.

!!!WARNING: FILE IS HIGHLY SUBJECT TO CHANGE!!!

[robo-writing]

I’m expanding the Baker! AU with our very own god of fire: Liu Kang!

Anyone in the restaurant business knows of him; A mysterious benefactor that acts like a shareholder for a majority of restaurants in the area, a man shrouded in mystery. The Michelin Star holder whose culinary skills earned him the moniker “The God of Fire”, as anyone who has seen him behind a stove swears that he commands the very flames he uses to cook.

Nowadays though, Liu Kang would much rather be called by his name.

Formerly the owner of the very popular Wu-Shi restaurant, the “God of Fire” now spends his time perusing new establishments, enjoying life and even lending a helping hand to those he finds a cut above the rest. This happens to include the multitude of bakeries and restaurants that our favorite characters work at.

Speaking of his restaurant, he has since passed down ownership to his faithful partner Geras, a man whose background is even less known than Liu Kang. However, this is only a temporary assignment; He currently trains two men, Raiden and Kung Lao as his apparentices to take over the store when they become ready.

Raiden has skill but is far too humble for his own good, while Kung Lao is also a great chef, but maybe a bit too cocky. Both still have many years until they master their craft but that spark of greatness is still there, and it is his responsibility to turn that spark into a wildfire.

Bi-Han doesn’t trust him for some reason, and Sindel has her own misgivings about him but he’s done nothing to arouse suspicion. Not a lot is known about him, or his ever faithful partner Geras, and no one knows why he does what he does, but they’re both nice enough.

Dude just likes some good food, and if he can make a living giving up and coming eateries a chance, then that’s a life he can live happily.

You stroll to the Lin-Kuei bakery expecting to be greeted by either of it’s brothers but instead you’re greeted with a sign at the door.

Closed? You check your phone and it’s only 3pm, two hours earlier than the store is supposed to close. You peek into the window and see all three of them talking to someone inside, fully aware that you’re being more than a bit nosey at the moment. When you decide it’s time to leave the mysterious strangers turns around and catches your eyes, frozen on the spot as he smiles and waves at you through the window.

There’s a short conversation before Kuai Liang walks up to the door and greets you. “Hello there, I’m sorry for the inconvenience—“

“No no no! You’re busy, I see that—“ you stammer, one foot backwards. “I can come back later—“

“Nonsense,” the stranger says, walking behind Kuai Liang. “I would not interfere with your business, please, come inside.”

You look at the man carefully, curious as to who he is. His hair runs down to his back, a sort of wisened look to him as he speaks. You can immediately tell that he’s not an employee or a customer by the way Kuai Liang immediately steps aside, and on further inspection you can see Bi-Han’s stern look from behind the counter.

“Oh, thank you but I don’t want to intrude—“

“Do not worry, I was already finishing up,” he smiles, then nods towards Bi-Han. A long sigh escapes the elder brother before he nods.

“Fine, I will consider a collaboration. We can discuss details later.”

“Excellent. If you need me, you know where to find me,” he says before looking at you again. “And I apologize for ruining your eating experience.”

You shake your head. “Trust me, you didn’t. I would’ve gone somewhere else to eat.”

“And that would be a shame, wouldn’t it? I know I would be upset if my favorite customer had to leave early.”

Smoke visibly blushes, while Kuai Liang becomes bashful and while it’s tough to discern, even Bi-Han turns his head out of embarrassment.

“Favorite customer?” You ask, almost confused.

The man laughs softly and shakes his head. “I would assume so, they mentioned you by name in this months newest reports.”

Bi-Han grumbles at that. “Do not speak of our private affairs as if we are not here.”

“Ah, it seems I cross a line, my mistake,” he says, and then extends his hand to you. “My name is Liu Kang, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

Still shocked at his words you grab his hand almost in a daze. You tell him your name and he repeats it back to you, making his way out of the bakery.

“I should hope to see you again, I’m told you have quite the palate.”

[amournoir]

ok first, i just wanna say i absolutely love your writing and i'm so excited for you to write henry characters! second, is it okay if i request a fluff prompt for #8d and #8e for Napoleon Solo?

i'm sorry for asking for 2 of them 🙈 xx

Fluff Prompt | N.S {request}

℘ prompt — neck kiss (#8d) / shoulder kiss (#8e)

℘ warning — none, just fluff

℘ pairing — napoleon solo x f!reader

℘ count — 1.1k

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow through the open concept living room and kitchen, Y/N sat at the counter, her eyes fixed on Napoleon Solo, her charming and dashing boyfriend, as he gracefully moved around the kitchen, preparing a delightful dinner for the two of them. Napoleon's culinary skills were as impressive as his spy tactics, and watching him chop vegetables and sauté ingredients filled Y/N's heart with both admiration and affection. The aroma of the sizzling food enveloped the room, teasing her senses and making her stomach growl with anticipation.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Napoleon took a spoonful of the simmering sauce and walked over to where Y/N was seated. "Care to taste and give your approval, my love?" he asked, extending the spoon towards her.

Y/N gladly obliged, her lips parting to let the rich flavors dance on her tongue. She nodded approvingly, a contented smile forming on her lips. "Mmm, it's perfect," she praised, earning a pleased grin from Napoleon.

"Excellent," he replied, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I aim to please."

But Napoleon wasn't satisfied with just a kiss on her cheek. As he retreated to the kitchen, he couldn't resist the temptation to return to Y/N's side. He sauntered back into the living room, his eyes never leaving hers, and without a word, he extended his hand, inviting her to stand with him.

Intrigued and excited, Y/N rose from her seat, slipping her hand into Napoleon's. With the soft melody playing in the background, he pulled her close, and they swayed to the rhythm of their hearts. His hand rested on the small of her back, guiding her movements with effortless grace.

The world outside seemed to fade away as they danced, locked in each other's gaze. Napoleon's touch was electrifying, sending tingles down her spine, and Y/N found herself melting into his embrace. As their bodies pressed closer, she felt his warm breath on her neck, and a shiver ran through her.

He couldn't resist trailing soft kisses along her neck and shoulder, and Y/N couldn't suppress the soft gasps that escaped her lips. The intimacy of the moment heightened, their hearts beating in unison. Napoleon's lips found hers, gentle yet passionate, and they shared a lingering kiss that spoke of their deep connection.

Their slow dance turned into a dance of passion, the flames of desire slowly igniting between them. But this was more than just physical attraction; it was the intensity of their love and the trust they had in each other that made every touch and every kiss meaningful.

As they swayed to the music, their souls seemed to merge, and the world felt like a whirlwind of emotions. Y/N could feel Napoleon's love for her in every caress, every whisper, and every stolen glance. It was a love that made her heart soar and brought tears of joy to her eyes. They moved as one, perfectly attuned to each other's desires and needs. The steamy atmosphere filled with their shared affection, yet they moved with an unspoken understanding that there was no rush, no need to hurry. This moment was for them alone, to revel in their love and devotion.

Their bodies moved in perfect harmony, a seamless dance of love and affection. Napoleon's arms wrapped around Y/N's waist, holding her close, while her hands rested gently on his broad shoulders. Their steps were graceful, each movement deliberate yet effortless, as they swayed to the soft melody that filled the air.

Y/N's head rested on Napoleon's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, a comforting sound that made her feel secure and cherished. His lips brushed against her forehead, leaving a trail of tender kisses that made her heart flutter.

Their eyes locked, and in that gaze, they communicated without words, their love flowing between them like an unbreakable bond. As they danced, the world around them faded away, leaving only the two of them in their own intimate universe. The room seemed to fill with a warm glow, as if their love radiated like a beacon, enveloping them in a cocoon of affection.

Time seemed to stand still as they danced, lost in the moment and in each other. Each step they took was a testament to their commitment, their devotion, and their unwavering love. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the person in their arms, the one they held so close to their heart. Their love was a dance of tenderness, a symphony of emotions that left them breathless and filled with joy.

The world outside may have been filled with chaos, but in each other's arms, they found peace and serenity. Their dance was a celebration of their love story, a tale written in every movement, every touch, every stolen kiss. With every turn and every dip, they felt their souls intertwining, becoming one in their shared affection. They were lost in the sweetness of the moment, savoring the beauty of their love, as if time itself had granted them this moment of bliss.

Their dance was a testament to the depth of their connection, a dance of love that transcends all boundaries. It was a dance that spoke of a love that would endure any challenge, a love that would last for eternity.

As the song came to an end, they held each other close, unwilling to break the spell they had woven around them. Their hearts beat as one, their breaths mingled, and they knew that in this dance, they had found their forever. In the arms of the one they loved, they found home. And as they gazed into each other's eyes, they knew that every step they took together would be a dance of love, a dance that they would cherish for the rest of their lives.

As the last musical note rang out through the room, Napoleon dipped Y/N slightly, and their eyes locked once more. "I love you," he whispered, his voice tender and sincere.

"I love you Leon," she replied, her voice filled with adoration.

With a smile that could rival the stars, Napoleon lifted Y/N back up and held her close, their foreheads touching. They knew that this dance was just one of many they would share in their journey together, a journey of love, trust, and passion that knew no bounds.

In each other's arms, they found solace and strength, knowing that as long as they had each other, they could conquer any mission life threw their way. And in this intimate moment, they felt more invincible than any spy mission could ever make them feel.

As the night continued to unfold, they savored their dinner together, basking in the warmth of their love and the knowledge that in each other, they had found their home, their safe haven in the chaos of the world. And so, in the tender embrace of each other, they embraced the beauty of the present, cherishing the love that made every moment a masterpiece.

🏷️ taglist:

⤷ @mrs-maximoff-kenner @thatfanficstuff @elijahmikaelsontrash @mxacegrey @thatfictionalwh0re @catmikaelson20 @loverswillowed @sweetwrathoflilith @panic-at-the-fiction @iiskittles16ii @original-siphon @onlyfreds @onlyfredslibrary @imgoingtofreakoutnow @slinthoex @mikaelsonsdeservedbetter @i-love-nora @multiversediaries @decoffinated-vamps @hopester08 @aloneatpeace @hopes-wife @dreamingwithrafe @softcoremaybank @klaustopia  @sweetestdesire @cottontears @cottonreads @buckysbabydoll-x

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[viovicugna]

Longing

Barbatos can't remember how long it's been. It must've been millenia since he first saw them in his visions. He always had been conflicted when it came to his visions, as it was never clear which time line it would be the future of. In general he came to find they mostly concerned how the current future would go, should they continue with their actions. Thanks to him Devildom had always been prepared to face threats ahead of time.

Although, he couldn't say his visions were something he looked forward to. They were unpredictable, either completely useless or events with possibly disastrous results. Never had he thought to describe them as pleasant or even lovely. Perhaps his mind just wasn't searching for lovely things to see. All of that changed after he saw them for the first time all those thousands of years ago.

It was one of the rare times he actually slept, let alone in a timely manner. That night he had a vision of a Human, a very special Human. He saw them infront of a stove looking down at a plate of sweet treats and tea. They looked up and smiled at him, complementing his baking skills. Strange... this was the first time he remembered having a vision from his perspective. Besides that; he didn't bake. He made excellent tea, that's true but his culinary experience was lacking to say the least. That was not his responsibility but the royal chef's.

He tried brushing it off in the morning, focusing on serving the young Prince instead. It likely would have been a lot easier if it weren't for that strange lacking he felt. The vision left a sickeningly sweet taste in his mouth and had his heart beating loudly in his chest. That was new.

He started looking forward to these visions of them, as short as they were, when they started reappearing. He knew near to nothing about that mysterious Human, neither name nor status or even interests. The time of which it'd take place was unclear also, the Devildome barely changed from what he knew, but their way of talking was so different from what he was used to, just like their clothing and mannerisms.

Never had he particularly felt connected to his sin, that being greed. The last time must've been... maybe close to a hundred thousand years ago. He himself, ironically, had trouble keeping track of his lifetime. I guess being an allmighty Demon looking through time and space does that to you. Ever since they appeared in his visions though, he felt almost impatient. Barbatos wanted to meet them, to get to know all about them and spoil them rotten. He wanted their attention, all of their time. It felt good to finally have an outlet for his sin. He even started picking up new hobbies such as baking and cooking, mainly due to curiosity since he apparently will be such a wonderful chef in the future. He found it came easily to him, and it was a whole lot of fun. His master would be pleased with the delicious pastries and meals he'd cook up and he could entertain himself in some way.

To know that he was the only one aware of the Humans (future) existence pleased him. It satiated part of his greed, but only helped to strengthen his longing.

Over the years he grew even more stoic, professional and experienced. He carried himself with grace and poise elegantly catering to the royal family, they had quickly become his number one priority. The visions didn't stop, he learned to weaken his greed, there were more important things to deal with in the present. While part of him wanted to know who they are and when he'll finally get to see them, he knew it would only serve to distract him more. Instead he relished in the fact of not knowing when he'll meet that mysterious Human. Finally he had something to look forward to in life, a goal to reach. But never would he have imagined just how important that Human would end up being, not just to him but to all those around him.

[dateless-bar]

Can I Follow You Home? - Loyalist Primarch Ver. (Modern AU)

If you ask Can I Follow You Home...

*: Character design from #projectepd, see character design pics here: ☆

Sanguinius

He usually gets up early, so he might be awake if you visit him in the morning. He'll answer the door wearing a white shirt, with a faintly visible red stone pendant hooked inside his collar, and he'll have on a pair of white disposable slippers—like the ones you'd find in hotel. He might be holding a coffee pot or his favorite mug, usually filled with capsules or instant coffee as he hasn't learned to grind his own yet. He wonder if you want sugar when you ask for a cup.

Through the foyer, you can roughly see the living room, decorated in pure white and beige, with only a few wooden shelves on the walls that seem out of place. He nailed them up himself to display the precious first works of his offspring—though simple and bearing the marks of immature craftsmanship, they're treasures to Sanguinius.

If you peek further inside, he might have to move aside some unsorted art books and magazines scattered on the sofa and coffee table. They become more numerous near the workshop area, where various painting materials and unfinished sculptures are displayed, giving the room a complex yet traditional look. It not only boasts excellent lighting but also great natural light. When there are no other visitors, Sanguinius usually paints or sculpts here. And if a visitor delicately asks to see his collection, he'll gladly lend them rare art books and explain them carefully.

Leaving the workshop, you'll notice that the decor and style of the house are quite different from the studio. The modern minimalist architecture doesn't exude much of a lived-in feel, and apparently, the fridge used to be just a fridge with hardly any groceries inside, but now it seems to have become richer due to the occasional visits from Horus and the other brothers. A is considering having the creative department make new commemorative fridge magnets for the Red Tear Modern, perhaps to help organize the messages and notes left on the fridge.

Rogal Dorn

He rises extremely early, arguably the earliest of all. Therefore, it's quite hard to disturb him; typically, by this time, he's already wide awake and seated at the table with a complete breakfast. This breakfast remains consistent year after year, with roasted beans, eggs, sausages, and toasted bread on the plate, neatly arranged. However, you might notice that his table salt and black pepper shakers are in the shape of LEGO bricks. By the way, there's an entire LEGO brick wall in his house—constructed into the pattern of Phalanx, magnificent and impressive in terms of both wealth and technology.

When you point out the monotony of his menu, he'll earnestly argue that he changes the type of eggs depending on the day—whether it's scrambled, poached, Benedict, or fried—but his accompaniment is always black coffee. He's someone who eats without distractions, solely focused on his meal. Therefore, after finishing breakfast, he'll browse through messages from Malcador and others, and reply before heading out.

After his meal, he rinses his mouth, then remotely opens the car door to prepare for his journey to the Imperial Fist Co. As they say, "the early bird catches the worm."

And if you visit Dorn in the evening, you might catch a glimpse of him working in the kitchen. The reason it's called "working" is because his state and movements hardly qualify as cooking; it's more like precision operation. Dorn uses various kitchen measuring tools to meticulously measure ingredients and follows authoritative cookbooks to prepare meals. Honestly, he despises descriptions like "a cup of water," "a pinch of salt," or "some olive oil," and sometimes wonders how Guilliman, who also values precise calculation, manages at these times. This brother's culinary skills are also well-regarded. However, while the food Dorn makes may not be unpleasant, it can probably be classified as ordinary, with its nutritional value being the only commendable aspect.

Roboute Guilliman

Guilliman, like his Loyalist brothers, wakes up earlier than most people. His alarm clock settings are very detailed, but he usually doesn't really need them because he always wakes up promptly half an hour before the alarm goes off, then manually shuts it off. He has a very meticulous way of making his bed, almost making it look like a hotel or military dormitory bed.

So if you visit his residence, where he lives with Lion, at this time, he'll most likely think you're a neighbor coming to complain or a postal worker delivering subscriptions—yes, even though Guilliman and his subordinates have fully transitioned to paperless offices, his roommate Lion still maintains the most classical habit of subscribing to physical magazines. He can tell at a glance whether you're a paparazzo coming to snoop around for gossip, and for the general public, he'll briefly answer questions within his duties and tell you to look for more in-depth answers on the Parliament's website.

After dealing with the morning troubles, it's usually time for Lion to rise—this isn't consistent, so you should pray you don't encounter this or at least not during their breakfast time. Because that often means a thorough critique of British cuisine and—family commotion, and this struggle never seems to have a winner.

During breakfast, Guilliman usually reads today's loyalist-supporting newspapers on an electronic screen, and when something big happens, he needs to wear headphones to reply promptly while eating. Office work begins at this time and continues until the end of the day. Lion dislikes this very much, so usually, when they have meals together, these matters are temporarily set aside.

Lion El'Jonson

Lion doesn't welcome visitors, so we can only talk about his daily routine at the beginning of the day. Although he wakes up early, his waking time isn't consistent. He still uses a traditional alarm clock, but he often breaks it by hitting it when he wakes up grumpy. Sometimes this happens in the middle of the night, triggered by noises like car sounds outside, a habit ingrained by years of battlefield experience. If you see his bed in disarray, it's very likely that his dreams weren't pleasant that night.

The first thing Lion usually does after waking up is to wash and shave. He uses a shaving lotion and aftershave with scents reminiscent of traditional formulas, and he still sticks to using a razor blade. His technique is extremely precise, and he demands high standards of grooming. After completing his preparations, he selects his clothes for the day—simple for everyday wear, but quite elaborate for important occasions. He has a separate box in his wardrobe for all his honors and medals.

However, at home, he typically wears only two layers in summer and three in winter. This dressing style might be too cold for ordinary people in winter, especially since this old house doesn't have underfloor heating (though Vulkan is planning to install it for his brothers), so they rely on fireplaces for warmth.

Lion's writing work usually takes place in the study, where the bookshelves contain many first editions or gifts from special collectors. Sometimes he works on a typewriter and then has someone transcribe it into electronic manuscripts for submission to publishers. The study overlooks the garden of the house, which Lion meticulously maintains. His gardening skills are impressive, and if you really want to visit him, you might try asking to see it—after all, as a typical old-fashioned gentleman, perhaps the only thing he wouldn't refuse is appreciation for his gardening work.

Vulkan

Would you like to see his RV? That's definitely a cool idea. And the best way to start is by visiting some specialty takeout restaurants. Pizza, fruit tarts, fried noodles—although the RV has a small but well-equipped kitchen, the high-powered oven is pretty much out of the question. After getting the takeout, Vulkan might enjoy it on the manually extendable steps of the RV, a hearty meal perfect for sharing.

This RV is sized to match his physique, looks a bit old but is well maintained. Its painted surface gleams with the logo of Salamanders Heavy Industries, and both front and rear have been modified to suit off-road camping and other activities. Of course, these designs and facilities were all done by Vulkan himself.

If you'd like to tour the interior of the RV, he'd be delighted! It's a bit cluttered inside, with various repair tools hanging on the walls or stored in cabinets. A small built-in sofa bed is placed under the windows, enough for one person to lie down. But for Vulkan, he needs to unfold the sofa bed to sleep. The climate control system inside the RV keeps the winter nights from being too cold, but it can get a bit warm in the summer. Besides design drawings, there are also some promotional posters on the walls, including one from the Raven Guards band, probably left by Corax during his last visit.

Notably, the RV's interior even has a small bathroom, which is a bit too small even for Vulkan. He only takes a shower inside when he's in inconvenient locations like remote wilderness areas. Because the bathroom is so small, towels, toothbrushes, and cups are all crammed onto the same shelf. The larger portion of the storage space is reserved for emergency equipment and first aid kits, which are regularly maintained or replaced. And if there are any special circumstances encountered during trips to remote areas, he always goes all out to help lost travelers.

Vulkan is usually behind the wheel, enjoying the beautiful natural scenery through the wide windows. If you're invited to try sitting in the passenger seat, it'll be a fantastic travel experience.

Corvus Corax

Corax's home is a rented modern apartment, and if you enter it, you'll be captivated by the mesmerizing city night view from the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows. However, unfortunately, it seems he didn't have much preference for the location of the house and didn't do any prior research, so he ended up renting a place next to a construction site where the developer had abandoned midway. It's quiet, indeed, but the sight of unfinished walls and debris below is quite amusing. Yet, as night falls, ignoring the dilapidated surroundings, you can see the distant city lights twinkling like fireflies.

Though it's a rented place, because of the long-term lease and signing agreements, a single room has been partitioned off and soundproofed to high standards for use as a home recording studio. If there's a live stream or online recording, Corax works here. However, most of the time, he performs outside or goes to collaborate in recording studios.

Sometimes he comes home in stage attire, which looks a bit too gothic or visual kei, even eerie at night, and he's gotten into trouble because of it. Upon returning home, he changes into loose sweaters and solid-colored pants, and fixes himself a cup of black cocoa. Sometimes he forgets to remove the accessories from his multiple ear piercings until just before bedtime.

The living room is a bit messy and could use some tidying up. His sheet music, guitar picks, poetry collections, and philosophical readings might be piled on the sofa or stacked next to the cushions. Across from it is a wide 41-inch screen, with a stack of unopened concert Blu-ray samples underneath. Corax isn't good at taking care of plants, and the only splash of green in the house is a small cactus, thankfully still alive. His house doesn't have the metallic vibe of a band's visual plan; instead, it looks more like an ordinary nine-to-five worker's humble abode.

Corax's bedroom is slightly darker than the other rooms, with only a breathing lamp. The curtains are made of thick blackout material, and once they're drawn, it's nearly pitch black inside, perfect for sleeping through doomsday. His bedding is black and gray, and once he starts sleeping, the only light in the whole space comes from the digital clock on the breathing lamp.

Leman Russ

Russ's home—honestly, most people have no concept of it. Very few know that he does indeed have a longhouse cabin in Tromsø. If you visit there in winter, skiing is a must-do activity, but be sure to stay safe and not get fooled into actually mountaineering or seeking out ice fields by him.

The cabin is made of wood and is nestled in the mountains far from the resorts, almost making one wonder if it's the gathering place of legendary snow monsters or werewolves. Although it looks simple from the outside, it's fully equipped with all the necessary amenities and living facilities inside. The most noteworthy feature is the cellar below, where the stored wines range from mead and rum to many other rare varieties. Those brewed by the wild wolves are kept in huge wooden barrels, aged through the years, and the unique aroma of the barrels, frost, fruits, and fermented liquor is a rare specialty in the world, reputedly praised even by Malcador.

At the other end of the house, there's an essential sauna room. Here, not only can you enjoy sauna baths, but also wooden barrel baths. For Russ, enjoying a drink after sweating it out is truly heavenly—although if you don't have his robust physical constitution, it's best not to attempt it lightly.

The rest of the facilities in the house are quite simple, and due to its unique location, there are some necessary first aid kits stored for people exploring the nearby mountains. Although he no longer works as an emergency rescuer or special forces personnel, Russ still doesn't overlook the dangers nature might bring to others.

Ferrus Manus

You might need to apply for a visit to Ferrus's workshop. When he's busy working, he takes breaks in the adjacent room, and over time, he probably spends more time here than in his residence.

It's a room he's isolated for himself, where you can see various astonishing mechanical diagrams and test prototypes. Many movie prop prototypes even serve as everyday items directly, like a hammer-shaped model used as a toilet paper holder, which is quite amusing. The room's systems are interconnected with the entire workshop, allowing for real-time monitoring and retrieval of images and test scenes for tracking. Even the smart systems are integrated, with automatic sensor operations for lighting control, room temperature, dehumidification, and more.

Ferrus usually spends his time here resting, and when he wakes up, he goes straight back to the workshop. So if you knock on this concealed door, chances are you won't see him in his usual attire with mechanical arms, dressed in workwear for testing; instead, he'll be in simple attire, maybe just a work vest.

He rarely cooks, so if he's dining and resting here, it's either takeout or snacks personally delivered by Fulgrim. Of course, the air fresheners, towels, and bedding inside, just by looking at their colors and designs, you can tell they're brought by the latter. This rather narrow living space was originally intended for one person, and if two people squeeze in, neither will be very comfortable.

Jaghatai Khan

If you want to visit Khan's residence, the garage might be the place he frequents the most, rather than the living quarters themselves. The White Scars' garage will completely overturn your perception; it can be considered a factory or even an exhibition hall. Their testing, modifications, and painting all take place here, and Khan can spend days or even weeks here before the modified racing begins. The White Scars' garage is a bustling marketplace, with specific vendors selling their signature barbecue, homemade wine, and cheese, which are delicacies hard to come by elsewhere—though for outsiders, trying them for the first time might be a bit challenging.

Whenever modifications are complete and performance testing is needed, he heads to the special race track areas provided by sponsors. These tracks are often in vast border regions, and as he gets away from the hustle and bustle, Khan's mood always becomes a bit brighter. In these test track areas, there are villas reserved for professional drivers to reside in, but he prefers to set up camp and get close to nature.

If you're invited into his tent, you'll be amazed by its luxurious furnishings and unique aesthetics. There are not only beds but also tasting tables and calligraphy desks. The decor often carries the Chogoris style, with intricately embroidered gold and red threads on exotic-patterned rugs and tablecloths. After work, he might invite you to hop into his vehicle and go see the migration of nearby wildlife, witnessing the changing scenery from the magnificent horizon at sunset to sunrise. No matter how far you travel, as long as you're in his car, you'll always find your way home.

(tbc in Traitor ver)

[airlock]

mathematically determining the best cooks in Fire Emblem Engage

I need to keep my hands busy to focus in class, and the way I usually accomplish this is by punishing them with some inane statistic exercise. in my most recent one, I calculated the odds of the meal outcomes from every FE17 character, and then took a stab at ranking them accordingly

these are, do duly note, not objective rankings per se; some subjective judgement goes into deciding what kinds of chance spreads are better than others -- plus, while these are ordered within the tiers, many characters do tie against each other numerically, meaning I can only tiebreak between them by basing myself on textual information

in any case, below the cut I'll provide a more in-depth analysis of each blorbo's cooking proficiency, as well as a short explanation of how the cooking roll works

so, what's cooking, good-looking?

I'm citing information from Serenes Forest, which in turn has pulled mostly from the official Fire Emblem Engage guidebook.

the basic odds on a given cooking session are thusly:

55% chance of one of the character's personal Meal Titles

35% chance of a D-rank meal

10% chance of a E, F or G-rank meal

each character has 3 personal Meal Titles assigned to them -- you know, those prefixes that run the gamut of "Firene-Style", "Spicy", "Your Favorite", etc. each of those titles is also affixed to a specific rank of meal, which can potentially vary from as high as SS to as low as G (although none of them are D-rank).

effectively, this means that the meal titles available to a character determine if and how often they'll ever soar high with their cooking. thusly, the quality of the characters' meal titles determines where the chances fall for them.

(actually using meal ingredients, and/or having the character cook meals they're Expert, Skilled or Capable with, increases the chances of landing a personal meal title and decreases the chances of a forcibly D~G-rank meal. if they're Eager with the meal, the chances of a personal title AND the chances of an E~G meal both increase, with the chances of a D-rank meal plumetting.)

with that out of the way, let's get in-depth!

X-TIER: The Master Chef

1st place: Bunet (40% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

shocking news for us to start with here: lit oventops are hot, and Bunet, the guy whose literal job is to cook excellently... can, in fact, cook excellently,

the specifics are somewhat worth enumerating, at least. Bunet is, for starters, the only character in the entire game with more than one S-rank or higher personal meal title, which makes him likelier than anyone else to hit the absolute highest marks. speaking of which -- the absolute ABSOLUTE highest mark, double-S-rank, is only available at all to two characters in the game, of which one is, naturally, Bunet here.

and of course, all the chance spreads I'm providing here assume a meal with no ingredients given and with which the character has no expertise; cook more normally, and you'll be inching ever closer to the point where he bangs out a meal to die for as often as 50% of the time.

S-TIER: Great Cooks

2nd place: Clanne (20% S-SS, 35% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

3rd~4th place: Goldmary, Zelkov (20% S-SS, 20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

5th place: Gregory (15% S-SS, 20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

we start this one with a slightly more unexpected outcome! yes, Clanne is indeed the second best cook in the entire game, ahead of Goldmary, and actually not so far behind Bunet that the comparison would actually be as crazy as it sounds. let's take stock of it.

all of Clanne's meal titles are either S-rank or A-rank. therefore, even if you're making him cook unfamiliar recipes without a single ingredient, there's a 55% chance he'll come out of the kitchen with a culinary miracle in his hands -- better than Bunet's 40% chances in such a scenario (as he has one B-rank personal title), and indeed, better than absolutely anyone else's chances. although he can never hit the elusive double-S-rank, Clanne's chances of cooking wonderfully only increase the more you don't subject him to utterly ridiculous conditions.

long story short, this kid makes a good fucking pickle.

narrowly yet still decisively behind comes along Goldmary -- and, numerically tied with her in another interesting twist, Zelkov. they're both capable of landing an S-rank meal, and also bat at A or higher a very solid 40% of the time. comparing the two to each other, naturally the text is far more supportive of Goldmary's cooking ability, and besides, the A-rank title that she can hit, Decadent, just sounds better than Zelkov's, which is Trendy.

inching just behind those two we have Gregory, with a very similar chance spread, just weighted 5% less in favour of hitting S-ranks.

A-TIER: Solid Cooks

6th~7th place: Framme, Timerra (40% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

8th place: Céline (15% S-SS, 0% A, 40% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

9th~13th place: Merrin, Louis, Amber, Rosado (20% A, 35% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

one tier down, we start looking at characters who (with one exception) aren't capable of coming through with an S-rank meal, but nonetheless have outstanding odds, etching high results frequently.

Framme and Timerra share an excellent 40% chance to make A-rank meals, as well as an overall 55% chance of batting at B-rank or higher (technically the same as Bunet, you may recall). comparing the two of them, I go off their A-rank personal meal titles -- Framme's "Divine" sounds best of all, although "Your Favorite" doesn't speak to much being that I don't know what kind of food Alear likes actually; whereas Timerra's "Courageous" and "Audacious" have me thinking that A-rank might be a pretty generous way to describe what sounds less like cooking skill and more like... inventiveness.

Céline figures here, another one boasting a 55% chance of making B-rank or higher meals. she doesn't often exceed B-rank, but when she does, it's for the S-rank.

and lastly, we have a close tie between Merrin, Louis, Amber and Rosado. not only are their chance spreads identical, but they have quite similar personal meal titles as well, with all of them potentially hitting their local "[country]-style" meal -- which is non-indicative -- and with all but Rosado also sharing the "Extremely Rich" B-rank title. comparing A-rank titles, Merrin's best is "Tasteful", Louis and Rosado share "Dainty", and Amber comes out with "Robust". and to the best of my knowledge, the only one whose cooking abilities are further remarked on textually is Rosado, who falls noticeably short of Goldmary (but still valiantly tries to make up the difference).

B-TIER: Cooks with Potential

14th place: Anna (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

15th place: Boucheron (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

16~17th place: Saphir, Alcryst (15% S-SS, 0% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

our next several cooks are -- again with just one exception -- the last few in the game who are capable of landing S-rank meals. they just aren't quite as consistent as other characters who can do so, though -- so while they're not bad, the stars have to align for them to really show off their best.

Lady Anna firmly leads this tier as she is, in fact, the one character who shares Bunet's ability to make a double-S-rank meal -- "First-Rate", as it were. Boucheron has a very similar chance spread to her, but his absolute best is only S-rank instead of double-S.

Saphir and Alcryst tie for the spot beneath those two, being just that last 5% less likely to make miracles happen in the kitchen. between the two, Saphir is textually put up as an experienced-if-not-fancy cook, capable of going head-to-head with Goldmary on a good day -- whereas Alcryst's cooking skills do not, to my knowledge, ever directly come up in his supports, but we all know that at heart he's our failgirl even if he's doing surprisingly well here. (in fact -- better than diamant! pew pew peeeeeeew)

C-TIER: Decent Cooks

18th place: Seadall (55% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

19th~20th place: Jean, Lapis (20% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

21st place: Nel (15% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

22nd place: Jade (40% B, 50% C-D, 10% E-G)

23rd~25th place: Lindon, Kagetsu, Fogado (35% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

by this tier, we're looking at characters who can't possibly cook an S-rank meal, but still have fairly good chances of pulling out A- or B-rank meals; they are, thusly, some of the last characters on the roster that we could fairly describe as "good at cooking". indeed, this is also where we'll cross the 20th and 21st places, and therefore, the line past which we're looking at the bottom half of the list.

Seadall heads up this tier with a sterling 55% chance of producing a B-rank meal (although he is the first character we're looking at who can't possibly make something A-rank or higher). he'll get solid results more often than not, even when if you make him cook Florida Man-style. not bad for someone who's probably shaking and crying over the smell rising out of the cookpot the entire time

and speaking of filling up on smell alone, Jean and Lapis tie for the next spot with surprisingly robust rates. their personal meal titles both generally sound humble, even at A-rank, but at their most unremarkable, Jean's C-rank meals are described as "Fresh" (or "Carefully Crafted"), while Lapis's are "Kind of Odd" (or "Delightful"). my gut tells me that in Jean's case, the more unpleasant meals you're getting just taste too much like spearmint and cough syrup, but in Lapis's case, you might have to explain that no, actually, people don't normally add that crunchy finish by pouring on ground pebbles.

Nel is just narrowly below those two, being 5% less likely than them to land on an A-rank meal. she is pretty much the most bog-standard cook in the entire list, with her chances spread pretty evenly across the most normal outcomes.

Jade is similar to Seadall in her solid chances of managing at least a B-rank meal. that's what writers are well known for, after all: consistency. anyway, wow, look at that over there! it's a guy falling off a llama to distract you from me kicking my WIPs under a rug!

Lindon, Kagetsu and Fogado, being that precious last 5% less likely than Jade to make a B-rank meal, are where our chances having a nice meal are starting to get shakier, which they'll only get moreso as we continue going down the list. Lindon is ahead of the pack here textually; his culinary experiments might not be safe or entirely ethical, but surely he's learned a thing or two from performing them. the other two are very closely tied, and so once again, my best bet is to vote against the one who's sometimes coming out with "Kind of Odd" meals (and in this case, it would be Fogado).

D-TIER: Mediocre Cooks

26th place: Ivy (40% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

27th~28th place: Vander, Diamant (20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

29th place: Alfred (20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

30th place: Hortensia (35% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

31st~32nd place: Madeline, Etie (20% B, 70% C-D, 10% E-G)

33rd place: Citrinne (15% B, 75% C-D, 10% E-G)

34th~35th place: Chloé, Pannette (90% C-D, 10% E-G)

for the first several places on this tier, we're looking at our first cooks who have at least one negative personal meal title -- that is, one in the E to G ranks. our first order of business, then, is to understand what this does exactly to their chances.

the first thing to it is that, under our usual perfectly neutral and perfectly stupid conditions, these characters will be noticeably likelier to completely screw things up. moreover, though, you might remember that, if we give them proper ingredients and have them work with recipes they're skilled with, that increases their chances of making a meal with one of their personal titles -- including the negative one. when you crunch the numbers on it, the result is that having these characters cook properly will affect their chances of catastrophic failure minimally if at all (although their chances of putting out good results still increase -- as the chance of pulling out an underwhelming D-rank meal are also still decreasing in this case).

incidentally, a quirk of these conditions is that giving these character a shot at a recipe they're Eager to try is an especially risky affair. having them cook in the first place is already a form of playing with fire; giving them too much creative leeway as well is where we approach the point of playing with Bolganone.

and speaking of magic tomes, Ivy is the first one up here. a 40% chance to make an A-rank meal is excellent, meaning she's not overall a bad cook, but the chance of catastrophic failure is always just right around the corner with her.

trailing a few ways behind her we have the similarly screwup-prone Vander and Diamant. there's little going on to distinguish between them textually, but I'm just going to throw out a wild out-there guess that, on average, being terrified of fire can be a disincentive towards learning to cook.

on the surface, Alfred looks to have slightly better chances than those two, but there's a particular issue that weighs against him. so far, the characters we've covered have personal E-rank meal titles, which is true of the majority of characters who have negative personal titles. however, when Alfred screws things up, the result he's most liable to turning up with is a "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meal!

Hortensia doesn't fail quite that catastrophically, but unlike the other ones we've seen so far, her risk of failing isn't quite offset by a risk of actually making something amazing; she's the first one we've seen so far who can't make A-rank meals, although she still has a pretty decent chance of making it as far as B-rank, at least.

after this battery of adventure and danger, we come to the latter half of the D-tier: characters who generally won't surprise you with their cooking -- for better or for worse, as it were.

Madeline and Etie are overwhelmingly likeliest to turn up underwhelming dishes, at the C or D ranks; Citrinne is another 5% likelier than them both to make no impression whatsoever. between the former two, Madeline's personal B-rank title of "Well-Balanced" seems just a touch more inviting than Etie's "Mild".

Chloé and Pannette bottom out the tier; they are two of the only three characters in the game who cap out at C-rank, and never cook any better than that. comparing those two, Pannette is indicated in text to struggle with cooking (even under Goldmary's guidance), whereas Chloé might possibly serve something nicer if she simply doesn't insist that it should be washed down with civet coffee and snake wine.

F-TIER: Bad Cooks

36th place: Rafal (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

37th place: Mauvier (15% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

38th place: Veyle (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

from here on downward, every character we cover has a negative meal title, as well as unimpressive chances of making something particularly good.

Rafal and Mauvier both have only a 15% chance of batting above C-tier; rather little to compensate for their naturally higher chances of screwing things up. at least, when Rafal gets it right, he makes an "Audacious" A-rank meal, while Mauvier's absolute best is a B-rank... "Firene-style"?? huh. I don't think I uncovered that tidbit about him anywhere else so far.

Veyle ranks lower than the both of them, in any case. that is because she shares with Alfred that special aptitude for turning up "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meals. possibly something to do with her affinity for inhumanely spicy food, which perhaps helps to paint an unpleasantly precise picture of how you'll feel when you try some of the worst she has to offer.

L-TIER: Horrible Cooks

39th place: Zelestia (15% S-SS, 0% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 50% E-G)

40th place: Pandreo (20% B, 35% C-D, 45% E-G)

41st place: Yunaka (70% C-D, 30% E-G)

and here we are, at long last, in the absolute bottom of the barrel. boy, is there some and then some to be said for the absolute accomplishments in failure we're looking at here

Zelestia and Pandreo share a spectacularly unique dishonor: they have two negative personal meal titles. this not only makes them more likely by far than anyone else to screw things up, it also means that they actually become LIKELIER to fail if you give them proper ingredients and a recipe they supposedly specialize in. (although again, the chances of their unlikely positive results also go up in these cases, if much too little)

even compared to those two clowns, though, Yunaka lies down a cut below the rest. firstly, because unlike the two of them, she won't cook an impressively good meal even by accident, being that she caps at C-rank. what's furthermore notable, though, is that she is the only character in the entire game with a personal G-rank title -- "Completely Burnt". in other words, Yunaka will never surprise you with an unusually good dish, but she will, on roughly every fourth attempt at cooking, burn water.

go girl! give us nothing!