#and while she was fucking me yesterday told me she doesn’t want anyone to touch me or look at me the way she does

[glitterock]

this girl i’m seeing wants me SOOOOO bad and she is pretending she doesn’t but she is trying to uhaul me so hard it’s adorable

[fanfictilltheend]

❤️‍🔥Violent Heart my VERY DARK Stepdad!Mechanic!Convict Joel x Reader story snippet (preview) ❤️‍🔥

Hey!! You guys voted on which WIP you wanted a snippet from and you voted for this one: Violent Heart my VERY DARK no apocalypse slowburn Stepdad!Mechanic!Convict!Joel x Reader fic!! (Who likes the header I made???? thoughts??? thots???)

Part 1 of the story snippet // Part 2 of the story snippet // header/mood board with original image credits (please read all warnings for each part!)

Context for this snippet: Joel is Y/N's new stepfather and they're sitting on the couch talking. Y/N is a child (about 8).

WARNINGS: afab!you, mention of sarah dying, cancer mention, joel tears, hurt/comfort, use of Y/N, please use your best judgement and take care of yourself!!

“Joel?” she asks a little cautiously, breaking him from his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”

“‘Course, kiddo,” he says as gently as he knows how.

“Who’s Sarah?”

His heart stops. His blood runs cold. 

“What? How did you–”

“You were talking. In your sleep yesterday,” she says, shrinking away a little and Joel feels sorry for scaring her again. “When we were watching Dexter. Well, you fell asleep right before. You were snoring and all, but you were also talking and mumbling that name. You sounded sad and scared.”

Joel should definitely not have allowed her to watch that! But that is hardly the point right now. 

His heart squeezes so tight it burns. What was there to say about Sarah – the entire reason his life had had any purpose? His perfect babygirl? The light of his life? 

He could lie. So easily too and Y/N would never know. He could say nothing at all. Hasn’t even told Erica about her yet. Hardly ever speaks to anyone about her these days.

And yet…

“She was my daughter,” he hears himself say softly. “She…got sick. Died of leukemia a while back. She was twelve.”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the wallet he was just thinking about. Inside is a tiny school photo of Sarah – the last one she ever took. It’s faded a little, but she’s still smiling so big she could block out the sun. He shows it to Y/N.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” she says and she really does look sorry. 

Not the way his co-workers and customers say it – almost as a reflex – to fill the void in the conversation. Her eyes are shimmering.  

“Nothin’ to do about it now,” he shrugs, running his thumb over the photo paper, softened with age. “But she was so damn special. My whole world.”

He has learned to repress the tears, not to show weakness, that is not hard. Not anymore. But the anger that broils up inside him – the injustice of it all – how he was unable to help her. Unable to save her. He feels almost like a child again, powerless in an unforgiving, unrelenting world. He wants to fight back!

He is so angry he begins to shake and his hands clench into fists. 

He wants to flip over the fucking coffee table – fling it across the room! He wants to punch in the glass of the flickering TV screen until his fist is broken! He wants to–He wants–

He just wants his babygirl back...

A sob, small and foreign rises in his throat, but he pushes it down. 

He thinks Y/N knows though. Can see the vulnerability in his eyes.

She reaches out a small hand and touches his fist, pushes it down gently into the soft fabric of the couch so he’ll stop shaking. It doesn’t entirely work, but he thinks he appreciates the effort.

“I don’t know if this is the right thing to say,” she begins a bit skittishly, still not entirely trusting the hulking, raging man above her. “But I think I would have liked to have been her friend.”

And for the first time since Sarah died, Joel sobs. 

Y/N pops up from the couch and Joel’s heart cries out louder in his chest for her to come back, don’t leave me too as he tries to suck the tears back in. It doesn’t work though and liquid gushes down his cheeks. He doesn’t think he can take the rejection, the loss of her. But thankfully, she returns just as quickly as she went with a handful of tissues stuffed into her small fist. 

“Here, Joel,” she offers. “Here. Don’t cry.”

Joel does cry though. He’s ashamed he’s broken down in front of this literal child, and he doesn’t let out much noise, but he doesn’t take the tissues either. He can’t. 

She’s so sweet though, or maybe it’s because she is truly afraid of him now, of his wrath, he’ll never really know, but she frowns and reaches out a little hand, the one with the scar on the middle finger, and tries to wipe up the tears.

The paper of the tissue tickles his cheeks.

“Shouldn’t havta…” he tries.

“Didn’t mean to make you…” she answers.

A pause.

“You didn’t, honey. That was all me,” he assures her finally.

She lets out a sigh of relief and soaks up the last of the salt water from his face, brushes the tissue gently against his nose. It tickles, causes him to snort. He smirks a little.

She smiles back shyly, she can’t help it, he can tell. 

“You know,” he says thoughtfully after a few moments of silence, sighing deeply. “I reckon she would’ve wanted to be your friend too…”

[aurumacadicus]

This is a fill for @bitetonysassfest​​ SFW Tuesday–Trope: First Responders; Dialogue: “I thought you were nice.” -- I went with some ironwidowshield! Steve and Natasha know they’re all dating and Tony is their boyfriend, if only someone would please tell Tony that lmao. Look out for under the cut! -- Tony rolled over onto his back, then let out a hiss and rolled back over onto his side. “Ow.”

“Not sorry,” Natasha said, radiating smugness even as she leaned toward the mirror and gently touched the bruise that had swollen purple and blue under her left eye. “Damn, you really got me yesterday.”

“Sorry,” Tony mumbled, wincing as he remembered accidentally elbowing her in his panic the day before. He sucked in a few deep breaths, then clenched his hands into fists. “I’m trying again.”

Natasha turned, putting a hand on her hip. “I don’t know why. You look good like that. Wish Steve was here to sketch you.”

“Stop being mean to me,” Tony huffed, then rolled over onto his back again. He let out a wounded noise in the back of his throat, but he stayed where he was. “Ow.”

“Not sorry,” Natasha repeated, this time sternness hardening her tone. “Getting kind of tired being called out to our own address.”

Tony winced again. In his defense, it hadn’t been his fault this time, but that probably didn’t make it any easier for anyone at the firehouse, especially his maybe-girlfriend and maybe-boyfriend. “Sorry,” he said again, then braced his elbows against the bed. “Okay I’m sitting up. I might cry.”

Natasha shrugged. “You look good when you cry. It’s actually kind of unfair,” she added, mostly to herself.

Tony scowled at her, then rolled his eyes with a huff. He looked good doing most things. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then heaved himself into a sitting position. “Oh my god,” he wheezed, air punched out of him as the change in position changed which parts of his bruised ass was pressed to the mattress with his full weight. “Ow. Oh fuck.” He slid off the edge of the bed onto his feet with a muted whimper. That had hurt differently, too. “Ouch.”

“Want me to get out my gear?” Natasha teased, crossing her arms over her chest. “I probably have some topical stuff.”

“I thought you were nice,” Tony grumbled, reaching back to tenderly touch his ass with the tips of his fingers. Even that made him wince. He gave Natasha a sharp glare as he limped over to the mirror on his closet door.

“I’m not nice. Steve is the nice one,” Natasha replied, shrugging, even as her eyes followed him across the room.

Tony turned so his back was to the mirror, scoffing when he saw the bite marks all over his ass and thighs and—was that one to the small of his back?! “Yeah, so nice,” he sneered at her. “Half of these bruises are from him.”

Natasha shrugged again. “I said he was the nice one. That doesn’t preclude him from being a jealous asshole.”

“Preclude,” Tony repeated in disbelief. “You’re using vocab words in the bedroom while I’m complaining about how mean my paramedic fuck buddies are.” He frowned at a particularly deep bite mark. “I think I’m bleeding?”

“If we’re talking about vocab words, I think you’re lamenting more than complaining,” Natasha replied, finally walking over to him. “Bend over.”

“My back hurts,” Tony said immediately. “Also I wasn’t lamenting. I was complaining. Loudly.”

Natasha tipped her head, reluctantly agreeing, “Well, the loud part is right. Can you bend over a little?”

“I’ve gotta brace on something.” Tony looked around, decided he didn’t actually want to move more than necessary, and shuffled around so he could lean his arms against the mirror. “Is this enough?”

Natasha knelt behind him, hands reaching out to cup each cheek and spread them so she could get a better look. “Little more.”

Tony shuffled his feet back a little, then leaned more of his weight forward. He groaned quietly. “This is as much as you’re getting. I was at my desk a long time yesterday.”

“Steve’s told you the stretches you need to do to help with that,” Natasha told him sternly. “JARVIS, raise the lights, please.” She waited until the AI had obediently raised the lights so she could see better, then shifted so her head wasn’t blocking it. She hummed quietly, frowning. The bruise was pretty dark, the edges smeared like maybe he had bled a little. “I’m going to have to touch it,” she warned.

Tony sighed, head dropping forward so his forehead thunked into the glass. “I guess it can’t hurt any worse than it already does,” he muttered, scowling a little.

Natasha rolled her eyes, because she knew that Tony just liked to complain for the sake of complaining. Still, she was gentle as she eased her thumb in, keeping her touch as light as possible over the wound. Nothing came away on her finger, though, and as she looked closer, she realized that it looked like the sharp edge of the bruise had been softened by the drag of teeth, the different colors only making it look like an open wound. “It’s just a bruise,” she said, sliding her hands from his ass to his hips. “Must’ve been from when I was dragging you off Steve’s face.”

Tony huffed, looking vaguely embarrassed as she looked up at his face through the mirror. “Yeah, well, don’t do that anymore. I was comfortable.”

“It was my turn,” she told him, though whether she meant her turn to sit on Steve’s face or to bite Tony’s ass, he couldn’t tell. She liked keeping him on his toes that way. She waited for him to huff and puff a little, then added, “Do the stretches Steve told you to do or you’re going to be crippled by the time you turn forty.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony muttered petulantly. “I’ll have Pepper add it to my schedule.”

“Good. I’ll tell her we’re serious,” Natasha replied, smug.

They both turned as they heard the door open, and Steve smiled as he walked into the bedroom with a box from the local bakery and a drink carrier with four cups in it. “Hey! I stopped by the bakery after my run. Oh,” he added when he took in their positions. “What’s up? Morning sex without me? That’s a little mean when I brought everyone donuts.”

“I was just checking that Tony wasn’t bleeding,” Natasha replied, shrugging. She turned back to Tony just long enough to give a bare piece of skin a little nip, then shuffled back so she could get to her feet.

“You’re lucky that was a nice bite, or I’d steal your donut,” Tony huffed, glaring at her.

Natasha rolled her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet. She’d had worse from Tony than a little glare. “Tony thought we were nice, Steve.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, looking honestly perplexed. “Why?”

“You’re paramedics! You help people!” Tony exclaimed.

Steve held the drink carrier out to him. “Yours are on the left. Yeah, but I’m also the most arrested paramedic at the firehouse.” He blinked when Tony just gaped at him, too stunned to speak, then added, “But I’m nice to you.”

“Most arrested,” Tony finally repeated, voice faint.

“He gets arrested for good reasons,” Natasha hurried to defend, then went silent as she realized how it sounded.

Tony looked back and forth between them, then sighed, shaking his head. “I’m going back to bed,” he said. “I’m suddenly very tired.”

“You’re tired?” Steve began, raising an eyebrow. “Do you know how much ribbing we’re gonna get when we finally get back to the firehouse?”

“It’s not my fault some idiot sent me lithium batteries in the mail,” Tony hissed defensively. “And it’s not my fault they got damaged in transit and filled my office with toxic fumes.”

Natasha held up her hands. “You’re right.”

“And I’m not going to let you guys have ‘thank god you survived’ sex with me anymore if you keep bruising my ass like this. I have a meeting tomorrow,” he continued, grumbling to himself. “I’ll have to explain to Pepper why I’m squirming and she’s going to be so mad that the reason is ‘my fuck buddies bruised my ass with their teeth.’”

Steve took a step after him, hastily saying, “No need for you to tell her that. I’ll talk to her for you.” He glanced at Natasha, unable to help a slightly amused huff. “I don’t want her to think we just maul you every time we see you.”

Tony turned to squint at them in confusion as Natasha laughed in agreement. “What are you talking about? Pepper’s one of my best friends. She already knows.”

Steve and Natasha stared at Tony for a long time, gobsmacked, before Natasha shouted, “NO!” Suddenly a lot of the looks Pepper had given her made sense. Fuck. They had a spa day scheduled. She was going to be teased mercilessly.

“And I thought you were nice,” Steve said, voice small in defeat, but Tony was too busy wincing as he eased himself back onto the bed to notice.

[caitlinposs]

i’ve been hitting my cart to fall asleep so i can get through these days as fast as possible. getting high is the only thing i can cling onto anymore, it gives my life the interest and color i’ve been needing currently. i was on the right track to quitting but i guess ive crashed back into it.

i wonder. if we were still friends would i be over at your house right now? would you be at mine? would i be miserable? or would we be cuddling? i’m not the type of person to confront my thoughts. i let them decide for me, i let them take over because i tend to believe they’re in my best interest. if you ask me for the reason i dropped you, id tell you it’s because i didn’t want you to leave me, but honestly i did it out of instinct. it was one day in february, a switch flipped in my mind and i put no effort into turning it back on.

i guess i realized it wasn’t just the two of us anymore, everytime id come over there’d be 5 extra people invading our space. i only loved you when i was alone with you so i always wanted you to myself. i have no idea why that is. it’s not like i was in love with you or something. :/ but all these people i’ve done wrong, i never did it out of spite or hate. i did it because i don’t know how to fully let someone in.

dont be mistaken, i’m still very evil. ;3

an example of my evilness: one day i’ll confess my undying love for you, and the next i’ll completely forget about it. interest can spark inside of me which will usually burn out fast. the only rare exception is when it doesn’t. my fps. the ones i’ve loved so heavily i could easily set the world on fire for them. obsession taken way too far. but i’ll always have a soft spot for my favorite people. they know my chaos.

in the paragraph you sent me before you blocked me, you told me my only motivation is male validation. honestly, yeah. i agree. i wouldn’t call it validation, but something similar. anyway it’s not like it’s something i can control.

when i was younger i had devoted my soul to my dad out of fear and possibly a little trust. every time i did something wrong in his eyes, my body would shut down and i was unable to feel or think anything. soulless. a certain type of numbness where i could practically feel a reaper touching me. one upsetting response from him and my purpose was ripped out of my chest. even if his demeanor was off, if he was driving a little faster and a little more aggressive, i could immediately feel his mood switch—which would end up causing mine. i felt this feeling again yesterday, over something so small. i was telling my aunt how i applied for a job and he immediately said no in a stern ass voice and shook his head. that shut me the fuck up because i could already feel it flushing into me. a weird feeling of confusion has always come along with this numbness, because i can never truly understand what makes him so upset. he was asking me if i wanted to apply at starbucks the night before? maybe it’s because i applied for the job my mom wanted me to do. actually yeah that’s probably it. my dad’s always been so jealous of her because ‘i treat her better than him.’ it’s totally true, i do, but that’s because she was always there to hold me when i cried and she took the time to understand my soft spots. she tells me she loves me everyday, while i don’t have a memory of my dad saying i love you.

so that’s it. that’s all i want from men. i know now, i don’t crave their validation, i crave their care. their sincerest love. i really yearn for someone to put their hand on my head and pull me into a hug every time they noticed i looked a little empty. someone who doesn’t become demented or begin ignoring me when i mess up. someone who will stay by my side even if i reject them just because they know me better than anyone, someone who doesn’t let me push them away. someone who’d never get tired of dealing with my guilty tears. someone who would rather hold my hand than stick it in. ugh. unconditional love.

and basically, i guess id do anything for this kind of care. i’ve fucked plenty of people over just to experience it, even if all of it was bound to end up temporary. but, of course, all that it did was remove more people from my life. make me more lonely. i’m begging please don’t blame me forever. i hope you understand this uncontrollable urge is not something im close to mastering. when im attached, i would rather rip all of my hair out before i allow you to slip through my fingertips, even if i just met you a day ago. when i start seriously thinking about someone, there’s absolutely no going back. until i break and my brain becomes weak from allowing the thoughts to consume it. just thinking about a guy’s potential in caring for me so gently gets me messed tf up. that’s why i try to see guys as weird creatures so i don’t get attached to any. my lips feel like poison, causing damage is all i’ve ever known.

but, i know im young. the so called “men” im talking about are actually boys. when i grow wiser and develop into somebody i can actually be proud of, i can only pray that god will bless me with this type of undying love.

god please please please give me your strength

[chicken2potato]

5/4/2023

This is going to be my one and only post about this. So read carefully. 

I have a mixture of emotions going on. I’m equally pissed the fuck off and heartbroken. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m mostly just pissed the fuck off. A part of me is dumbfounded that this actually happened, and another is not even surprised.

You said that being together was what ruined our friendship the last time. That wasn’t what it fucking was. You know what it was? The lack of fucking communication, the influence of others trying to tell us how we should be fucking handling our shit, and just straight up being young and stupid. What took our friendship away was Averi. What took our friendship away was letting people tell us that it wasn’t right. Or just fucking not communicating and exploding on each other or giving each other the silent treatment. It wasn’t the fucking relationship. I remember back when we first started telling each other that we had feelings for each other and we were both scared that it would ruin our friendship. We both promised each other that we wouldn’t let it, and I think we stayed true to that promise. It wasn’t fucking being with you that ruined the friendship, it was not being with you that did. After we broke up, everything hit the fan. Whether it was Averi, or my mom, or the church, or what-the-fuck-ever it was, it wasn’t our relationship. 

And this time... it’s not the two day fucking relationship that’s ruined this friendship. It’s the fucking lies and the fucking betrayal. 

“I’ll tell you everyday if it means you’ll believe me.” “Yes, I want this.” “Yes, this is real.” “I promise.”

Words I will never believe if you ever say them again. You fucking promised. You fucking lied. You fucking told me that it was me. Fuck you. Do you know how much that fucking hurts??? To be told that you’re finally, FINALLY, getting what you want after fucking years and then for it to be ripped out from underneath you in two fucking days. 

I knew that you weren’t going to follow through. I can’t tell you how I knew, but I did. On Monday, when you said all those things.... did all those things... I fucking knew that it was going to be too good to be true.

I’m fucking heartbroken. I spent the entire fucking ride home from church yelling and sobbing. Because what the fuck?? Literally. What. The. Fuck. 

I have loved you since fucking day one. And you said that you didn’t “want to feel like I’m leading you on while I’m waiting for feelings to develop.” I’m sorry??

Waiting for feelings to develop???

Then what the fuck was Monday?? 

You lied to me. I let you tell me it was all okay and that I was what you wanted. I slept over. I slept in your fucking bed. I let you fucking touch me. I have not only been fucking vulnerable with you in that sense, but also in the sense that I’ve let you read my fucking thoughts. And you fucking used that and betrayed me more than anyone has before. 

I don’t care if you keep reading these. I don’t care if you don’t keep reading these. Frankly, I just don’t fucking give a shit anymore.

Yesterday I texted Jess that her present came in. She asked if she could come over and I thought it was a good idea, I shouldn’t have been by myself. And I’m glad that I said yes. Because instead of wasting my fucking night crying my eyes out over you, I made memories with her and I got closer with her. But who knows? Maybe she doesn’t really like me either?

I couldn’t go to bed last night. I took a sleeping pill finally around four in the morning. Because even though she was there for most of the night, she had to leave eventually and then I was by myself. Thinking of you. Thinking of the way your hands felt on my body. Thinking of the way that your lips felt on mine. Thinking about all the fucking things you said. I couldn’t stop crying long enough to go to bed. 

But that’s all I’m giving you. One night. Because that’s all you gave me.

I’m not going to be spending any more time crying over you. Crying over someone who knew me at my absolute fucking core and still tore it open. 

I will never trust anyone. I will never love anyone. Including you. 

What the fuck, Rowan???? Like... literally what?? I don’t even know what to fucking say. Two days? TWO? How could you fucking do that? How could you sit there and tell me all those fucking things and promise to fucking tell me everyday so that I would believe you? How could you touch me? How could you kiss me? If you didn’t know 100000000% that I was what you wanted, you shouldn’t have done fucking shit! What the fuck??

I want to tell you that I’ll always love you and that I’ll be here if you ever need anything... but frankly, I’m so fucking done.

Done waiting. Done loving. Done fucking giving a shit. I’m so done giving every piece of my heart away to someone who treats it so flippantly.

And then you said that you wanted me to be your best friend?? I’m sorry, how do you think you treat your best friends? Because, honey, this ain’t it. 

I’m so beyond fucking pissed. How do you do this to someone you claim you fucking love? You don’t love me. Maybe that’s it. Maybe you never did. Maybe I was just always a matter of convenience for you. Convenient when you were tired of Riley. Convenient when you were tired of Averi. Convenient when you and Averi divorced. Convenient when you didn’t know what to do about Courtney. Is that all I am to you? A fucking convenience? Well, not anymore. You’re not getting another chance. I’m tired of fucking being your fall girl. The girl that will always be hopelessly in love with Rowan Michael Speck. Not. Anymore. I can’t trust you. I can’t ever believe you. I sure as hell can’t keep sitting here loving somebody who would treat me in such a manner. 

An “I’m sorry” isn’t going to fucking cut it. You also told me you wanted me and that was a lie so the “I’m sorry” probably is as well. 

This friendship is far beyond broken, and I don’t think that there is anything you could ever do to fix it. Because how would I ever believe you again?

If it wasn’t what you fucking wanted a thousand percent then you should have never fucking done anything. Don’t message me again in seven fucking years saying how much you missed me, or cared about me, or thought about me. 

Frankly, I hope you do think about me. Every. Fucking. Day. I hope you think about all the lies you said, and I hope you realize how much they fucking hurt. 

Was any of it fucking true? Your apology for high school? Your “feelings” you had for me? Any of the shit? Any of the time we spent together over the past month or so? I can’t believe a single thing you say anymore. I don’t know how to forgive you. I don’t know how to tell you that it’s okay. Because it’s not. You shouldn’t have fucking done that. And I can’t keep being a friend to someone who treated me like that. Like I was fucking disposable. Just like so many other people in my fucking life. You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be the one I spent my fucking life with. You were supposed to be my fucking rock. You were supposed to be my fucking everything. You were supposed to be my best friend for fucking life. I said on Monday that this was a life changing decision and you fucking said that you don’t date just because. You date with a purpose. What was the purpose? To hurt me? Well, it fucking worked. 

I hope you’re happy. I hope you fucking get what you want. I’m so done, Rowan. I have exhausted so much fucking time and energy sitting here loving you and waiting on you to finally love me back. But you don’t, you never did, and you never will. 

I want you to know, that at least on my fucking end, there were no lies. I meant everything I said and everything I did. I couldn’t lie to somebody I fucking loved. You sat there on the fucking couch and promised that you would always tell the truth no matter what. So instead of telling me in that moment you weren’t sure, you waited until after everything that happened and let two days go by before saying anything? I mean, I guess you kept your fucking promise. But also, fuck you. That fucking hurt more than I could ever fucking put into words. 

A part of me still wants to be your friend. Still wants to believe you... But I don’t know if I can anymore... How do I do that? How do I get to the point where I forgive you? How do I get to the point that I can believe you again and be your friend and talk to you without wanting to rip my fucking heart out? I don’t know how to fucking do that...

I guess at least I know after two fucking days and not two fucking years...

[ghost-babygirl]

When I asked why I don’t feel anything or process things right my therapist once told me that my brain had suffered so much trauma, it became oversaturated to the point where its as though it physically couldn’t hold more. She didn’t understand that I was laughing out of relief, because god isn’t that almost a blessing? that something in me acknowledged a limit and built a wall  of protection? I used to think so. but now I can’t not notice the fact that while silently sobbing the only thing i feel are my limbs falling asleep while im standing and i have to pinch them to move. Now, none of this feels real and all i can think is that how any time im remotely happy, its a curse on everyone around me. I spent yesterday worrying about how i looked, if my friend at work liked me cause he was touching me the whole movie and calling me names and how i was having a nice time and how my friends were fun to be around when really, all of it is childish and frivilous  because at the  same time my mom was literally trying to off herself. Which is ironic a bit, considering i have only stayed alive to not do that to her.  And also seeing how when she found out I harmed in middle school she said to stop feeling sorry for myself? so very much pot calling the kettle black....but i digress. why was i letting stupid shit consume me? when i could’ve been thinking about things that actually matter. I wake up sick but i’m in a good mood, dreading work, but in a good mood. my friends text me, im in a conversation with someone i really like and miss, looking at stupid fucking tiktoks thinking hey! today isn’t gonna be so bad and instantly get a text from my sister to call her but only if im at home cause its bad news like... none of this is FUCKING real dude. none of this is real. it can’t be!!!!  I’ve always said my mother had a weird sense of when I was fine let alone happy and hated it. its like a sixth sense. all i can also think right now though is how i i’m unloveable as a person partially because of how much anger is inside me. Her family has taken everything from me. everything. every second of my life has been negatively affected by them. it’s never enough for them.  they are the stem of all my pain and suffering and yet its still truly not enough. I don’t think  anyone would be able to love someone who has such anger inside them the way i do. it’s consuming. its consuming, and it aches and i’m never allowed to be angry. its so heavy carrying so much rage. its exhausting, its repulsing. it’s not me. When i was younger i thought it made me stronger but it doesn’t, its not at all how i want to feel. I was simply supposed to be the fucking glue for everyone and now im just this  disgusting shell who can’t even process heavy news properly because I have to fucking get ready for work? and also i can’t even focus on the main issue cause the second my sister said wellness check we had to be concerned about if they’ll see drugs at the house so its like jesus christ we truly can’t win. just fucking two cursed human beings. I can’t feel my fucking limbs! but sure!  let me put on this fucking costume and get ready for work while I was already sick as a dog with a horrible cough and get yelled at by rich people about how their expensive vacation has been bad cause they couldn’t go on a fucking ride. My body is physically giving out in real time, but sure! i can handle more, its fine! this is all so typical that i’m the dependable one!!!! i can just hold more and more and more! It’s fine, im fine, this is so expected and “normal” i don’t even know why it feels like im about to have a heart attack cause my family expected this right? stupid me 

[miekasa]

bad romance

+ pairing: levi ackerman x reader

+ genres and warnings: friends with benefits au, friends to lovers au (well i guess that’s open for interpretation lmao), modern au—college au?, explicit smut, mentioned/implied virginity

+ summary: friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school is probably a bad idea. friends with benefits with your best friend since middle school who you’ve also been in love with for the past seven years—all for the purpose of her gaining ‘experience’ so she’s not nervous to do it with some other guy she has a crush on—is probably a really bad idea. levi ackerman is not known to make great decisions.

+ word count: 3.5k

+ notes: truth be told, i don’t even know if i like this; i took this from an outline/draft of a series i’d planned but know i’ll never complete. it’s kind of unedited too heh, also if you’re a minor pls do not interact 

Levi doesn’t think anything of it when he finds you on his doorstep on a rainy Saturday evening. It’s very much like you to show up unannounced and attempt to drag him into whatever activity you want to do that day. He’s fairly certain that Hange picked that up from you. Someone should tell her that it doesn’t work so well unless it’s you tugging on his arm sleeve and interrupting his otherwise peaceful evening. 

So, for a while, everything is normal. You make fun of him for his use of, admittedly overpriced, organic butter when he toasts you a bagel; he makes jabs at you shuffling around his apartment like a semi-wet chihuahua, and all is right with the world.

Until it’s not. Because half-way into whatever stand-up comedy Netflix special you’d persuaded him into watching with you, Levi’s had enough of your nervous ticking. He doesn’t know if you think that he wouldn’t notice, but he does. And he knows it’s not the result of you still being wet or cold from the rain, seeing as you’ve long since dried off and warmed up. 

You’re focused on the show (ironically, focused to a point of distraction), you’ve been twiddling your fingers since it started, and you’ve been fidgety since you stepped foot into his house. Quite frankly, he finds it insulting that you think he wouldn’t know something’s up by now.

So, he bends his knee, turns his body towards yours, lifts his elbow to rest atop the edge of the soft, and presses his cheek into his palm: “Alright, spit it out.”

“Huh?—What do you mean?” You look at him with wide, startled eyes. He looks back at you with unamused, expecting ones.

You crack a nervous smile, attempting to laugh off his command as incredulous, but instead, your voice comes out in what sounds like a pathetic attempt to cover up a lie—probably because it is, “What? Can’t I spend sometime with my favorite, surly psychology student?”

Levi scoffs at your batting eyelashes. The look he throws you seems to do the trick as you drop your facade with a sigh and shift yourself to face him on the couch too, your bent knees almost touching.

“Alright, fine, you got me,” you sigh, hands resting in your lap, “You, um... you know how you said you’d help me with, like, uh... sex and stuff?”

Levi raises an eyebrow. Of course he does. He watches as your eyes dart around the room waiting for his response. It’s cute as heck, and if the topic of conversation at hand weren’t about to get so compromising, he’d have probably teased you about it.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well… okay, so, you remember Jean, right? The guy I told you about?”

Levi hums. Yeah, he remembers Jean, but only because you can’t seem to shutup about him, not because he’s particularly memorable otherwise. He seems to be kind of a prick and a huge idiot, if you asked Levi; but, that’s kind of his default impression of most people. 

“Jean and I hung out yesterday, and it was normal, you know? We just talked and ordered food and watched a movie,” you rub your palms along the fabric of your yoga pants—another nervous tick he’s been observing, “I don’t know if it was a date or not, because he didn’t say it was, and I don’t want to assume, but Marco keeps saying it was, and that Jean wants to actually ask me out.”

Levi blinks. “And?”

“And if he does ask me out—or even if he just… I don’t know, wants to try something the next time we hang out, I don’t want to look like a complete idiot!”

He refrains from letting a noticeable grimace take over his features; and washes away the unsettling feeling in his stomach with a nonchalant comment, “I doubt he’ll try anything on your first date.”

“But what if it’s not a date! People hang out just to hook up all the time.”

“I thought you wanted to date him?” Levi questions, but his it comes out as more of a deadpan statement.

“I do,” you answer, your response a little delayed and drawn out, “But, I wouldn’t mind just sleeping with him, either.”

“Bold statement from someone who’s never slept with anyone before.”

“Have I told you today that you’re an asshole?” you roll your eyes at him, “Come on, Levi, you know what it’s like to just want someone, but not want them, don’t you? You’ve had one night stands before.”

That’s true, Levi knows it, but it’s different. He wasn’t actively seeking advice from his friends about how to pursue and potentially please his one night stands because none of that mattered—well, the pleasing part, probably, but not the pursuit, or the feelings that came with it. Besides, Levi hasn’t felt the desire for any of that in a long time.

“That’s not the same,” he responds, trying to dismiss the muddy feelings crawling up his throat, “Look, if your Jean guy gets horny when you’re hanging out, just make out with him—make him jizz his pants or something.”

“That’s terrible advice,” you frown, “Plus, he’s probably done that with a million other girls.”

“Probably. Sex tends to repeat a few basic actions here and there.”

“For a psychology student, you sure are a terrible makeshift therapist, do you know that?”

“That’s not even the kind of psychology I study, never mind that I never asked to be your therapist.”

Levi takes great amusement in your huffing and the frustrated pout settling into your features, though he does his best to not let his own smile shine through. It’s probably futile; you can probably see through his facade, anyways.

“I just don’t want to bore him, Levi.”

Any trace of his smile vanishes as those words leave your mouth. Levi doesn’t retain much about this Jean guy you keep going on about, and he doesn’t care to in all honesty—but maybe if he did, he could understand why you’re so hellbent on pleasing the kid.

Levi doesn’t like it, not one single bit. His own feelings for you aside, he doesn’t like how Jean has managed to worm his way into your head and make you think that he’s deserving of any kind of affection from you, whether it be platonic, romantic, or sexual. Because he isn’t; Levi might not know him, but he knows that much. 

Still, he sympathizes with you. He understands the pressure of navigating dating and hookup culture, especially in a university setting; never mind the additional expectations set on you as a girl. It’s shitty, all of it; the stupid feelings, the sense of uncertainty, the dumb-ass college pricks. You shouldn’t have to deal with any of that. 

“You won’t,” is Levi’s simpler response, “Just don’t crush his dick in the process.”

“I wouldn’t do that, fuck you.”

“I’m just saying, you’ve never been the most coordinated person in the world,” he taunts, “If that’s what you came here today to ask me to help you with, it’s fine.”

“Really?—I mean, okay, I know we said that’s okay, and stuff, but I didn’t know if—well I don’t know what’s on the table or not? I do want to do that with you, but I also wanted to know if we could do… more? But I didn’t want to ask for too much and make you uncomfortable! Do we need a lesson-plan of sorts, because I can make—”

“You’re doing it.”

“Doing what?”

“Stalling,” Levi tells you, “You know, how when you get all nervous and ramble, then run out of breath or things to say, then get super quiet, and let the conversation die and be awkward again.”

You throw daggers his way with your eyes, and Levi has the audacity to smirk. “Forgive me, it’s not every day I ask my best friend if I can suck his dick for practice.”

“You can,” Levi replies, a little too nonchalant for the situation at hand, “If you want. I don’t mind. As for a lesson plan, that’s weird as shit, so don’t do that.”

“Really? I can?” you question again, an ironic child-like glimmer of joy in your eyes.

Levi chuckles lowly at your enthusiasm—your appreciation is so genuine, he finds it nothing short of adorable. And oddly enough, he’s a little turned on by it, too.

“Yeah,” he nods his head shallowly, “You can.”

You still have that gleam in your eyes, but Levi can feel the hesitation creeping up on you, and offers his guidance before he loses you to a shell of yourself. He shifts over to you just a bit, loosely holding your right wrist in his grip; holding eye-contact, he carefully pulls you up to stand in front of him.

“You can start,” he says, slowly tugging on your wrist, “By getting on your knees and taking off my pants.”

By the time he’s finished speaking, you’re already kneeling in front of him, and the sight is already enough to have Levi semi-hard in his pants; an almost embarrassed flush washing over his body as he comes to terms with the fact that he’s thought about this visual more times than he cares to ever admit.

You fumble with the zipper of his jeans, pulling them, along with his boxers to pool around his ankles. Your actions are careful and calculated, but you seem comfortable—maybe not with your skills, but with Levi.

His eyes stay glued on you, when you finally hold his length with a single hand, the other resting hot on his thigh. He leans over again, this time to rest a comforting hand on the back of your neck, eager to wash away any remains of your nervous resolve.

“Start slow,” he instructs, feeling your thumb swipe along the head, “Just move your hand up and down a bit, like—ah, yeah, like that.”

You seem follow his words carefully, focusing on the way his dick jerks in your hand. Levi observes you carefully and mentally notes that while he’d have liked it, not making out with you before this was probably the right call—he’d probably have creamed his jeans before this could have begun.

“You can grip it harder,” he tells you. You listen, applying slightly more pressure to your grasp; and it makes Levi groan, short, but strangled, above you.

“Okay?” you question, the genuine concern in your voice enough to make Levi’s gaze soften.

“Yeah, that’s—you’re doing good,” he says, rubbing his thumb against the nape of your neck habitually, “Twist your hand a little when you go up, you can—fuck, okay, yeah, that, like that.”

You snap your head up to look at him when he lets a moan slip through; nothing but pure enthusiasm and satisfaction dancing in your eyes. Levi grits his teeth when you do it again, your thumb sliding over the tip when you reach the top of his dick, and, Christ, you’ve got to stop looking at him like that.

You work your way into a steady rhythm, letting Levi’s moans guide your movements. You feel him harden to full length under your touch; and when he does, you move your hand faster, twisting your wrist around the length and squeezing just a pinch harder at the tip, without instruction.

He watches through lidded eyes, using his thumb to press lightly into the back of your neck. You move your free hand from his thighs, eager to add it to the mix, but Levi freezes.

“Nuh uh,” he shakes his head.

It prompts you to stop your actions, tilt your head and look up at him, and Levi doesn’t think he’s ever seen something so sinful. Your complete focus on him, neck craned obediently, eyes twinkling under your lashes; your position makes him want to kiss you or choke you or something in between.

“What—did I do something wrong?” you ask with wide and innocent eyes that make Levi feel bad for worrying you, yet send an erotic pulse throughout his body.

“Not at all,” he reassures you, fingers treading into the hair at your nape.

He’s setting himself up for failure, and he knows it, too—because, really, who agrees to teach a friend how to suck dick? Having you on your knees in front him, crane into his touch, and keen to all his desires, does nothing to mask the painful fire in the pit of his stomach.

It’s stupid to be this hungry, this possessive over you when he knows you come to him in hopes to learning how to please another man. But one, precious thought is enough to cloud over all of that, enough to put that sadistic smirk back on his face.

“You said you wanted to give me a blowjob, right?” he questions, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth at the shallow nod of your head, “Okay. Open your mouth for me, yeah?”

He barely pushes the tip past your lips when your head dips forward, tongue peeking out to lick the very top. Levi sucks in sharp air between his teeth, relaxing into the couch when your head bobs further, enclosing the tip of his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck,” he groans, voice hoarse when his hardened cock rests against the velvet wet of your tongue, “That’s it—just keep going, like that.”

He watches intensely as your head bobs onto him. It’s hot and wet and so much more than he’d imagined it would be; and he’s not too shy to admit he’s imagined this with you. He moves his hand to brush away the flyaways of your hair, smoothing them back and tangling his fingers at the back of your head. He carefully guides your movements.

It’s slow and steady, and normally, it’d take him a while to cum like this, but with the visual of having you on your knees for him, Levi can feel a faint warmth of his orgasm already beginning to bubble inside of him.

“This is okay, right?” you pull back, a thin line of spit trailing from your mouth.

“Yes, yes,” he answers immediately, unaware of his tightening grasp on your hair.

With a shy smile, you continue, taking more of him this time and carefully gauging his reactions. You move your head further down, testing your own limits, until you feel like you’re choking. You pull back again, with an embarrassed cough.

“Don’t push yourself,” he says softly, rubbing soothing circles into your neck with his fingers, “Guys can’t actually tell the difference between a regular blowjob and being deep throated, no need to choke yourself.”

“Wait, really?” you ask, resting you bum against your heels.

“You seem so surprised.”

“That’s just so… disappointing,” you crinkle your nose, “Men and porn make deep-throating seem like the end all be all of giving head.”

Levi chuckles in genuine amusement, “Well, it’s not, trust me. If any guy insists on being deep-throated just to cum, he’s a fucking liar. He’s getting off on the submission, not the actual feeling.”

“The submission?”

“Getting someone to be willing to listen to them, telling them what to do, how to please them,” he shrugs, “Makes you feel like you’re in control.”

“And that… that works?”

“Yeah,” Levi says, “But, judging by the tone of your voice, and how willing you were to suck my dick three seconds ago, I’d say the idea of being dominant doesn’t really appeal to you.”

You scrunch your nose again, “Does it appeal to you?”

Levi pauses, thinking over his answer, before giving you a simple, “Yeah. Most of the time.”

“Oh,” you hum, “I… I don’t think I’d like that.  I think I’d rather be told what to do, seeing as I don’t really know what I’m doing, anyways.”

“Ironic, considering you’ve never once listened anything I tell you do.”

“I was listening when you told me how to suck your dick,” you correct him, “You seemed to enjoy that.”

Levi pauses with a raised eyebrow. You don’t seem to back down, that matter-of-fact smirk on your face still mocking him. He leans over slowly, using his right hand to guide your head closer to him, and uses his left hand to grab your jaw between his fingers.

“You can be such a fucking brat, you know that,” he all but whispers, pursing your lips together in his hold, “Since you like listening to me so much, then shut up, and we can finish what you started.”

You blink, staring at him with a wide-eyed expression. He’s right that under any other circumstance you’d probably run your mouth off about him telling you what to do. But something about the way he knows what he wants and tells how he wants it makes you listen without an argument.

You nod, slowly wrapping your lips around the tip again, and bobbing along his length. Levi’s breath hitches when you hollow your cheeks slightly, a rough hand pressing down on the back of your neck.

“You’re really—god, okay, you’re good at this, you know,” Levi praises you, letting his right hand resume its position at the back of your neck.

If you had any doubts before about being submissive, the look on Levi’s face seemed to have wiped them away. Watching him throw his head back, his fingers gripping at your nape, his cock in your mouth—pleasing him seemed to be enough to please you, too.

“I wanna make you cum, Levi,” you voice your thoughts, letting a hand lazily jerk him off in the mean time, “Tell me what I have to do to make you cum.”

“If you keep going, I’ll cum,” he answers too quickly, a groan slipping through his words, “Trust me.”

“Come on, Levi,” you push, rolling your thumb over the slit of his dick. It makes him inhale sharply; you’re getting a little too good at that; at all of this. “Can—I mean, do you wanna cum in my mouth?”

“Shit, shit. Don’t say shit like that,” he curses, blunt nails raking and scraping at your scalp, “You don’t have to—I can just—”

“I want you to,” you tell him earnestly, “Please?”

Fuck, he was pretty fucking certain he’d told you to stop saying shit like that. Levi bites the inside of his cheek, paces himself; uses both of his hands to hold your head gently, while you use yours to wrap around his cock.

He grunts with a shake, and rolls his hips up, pushing himself further into your mouth, but not so much as to hurt you. It’s soon after that hot strophes of cum wet your tongue, and Levi lets you lazily jerk him off until you’ve milked his orgasm.

The room is silent save for his low moans and the squeaking of his thighs against the leather couch. When he’s finished, he slouches back, looking at you through hooded eyes, sweaty and panting, when you close your mouth and swallow.

You use your fingers to collect any remaining cum from his softening cock, and hum contented as you put your fingers in your mouth. Levi locks eyes with you again, cheeks flushed as you pull your digits out of your mouth, and he has to grip at his own thigh to gain the self-control to not get hard again.

You’re going to be the fucking death of him some day.

He shakes his head when you move backwards with a cute smile and pulls his boxers up, then his pants as best his can, not bothering to zip them up. When he’s done, you stand to your feet then straddle him on the couch, laughing lowly at his post-orgasm haze.

He doesn’t think twice about the way your hands clasp at the back of his neck, or the way his find their way to rest on your hips. You grab ahold of his jaw with both hands, holding his face in place. He thinks you’re going to lean in, but you don’t; just stay like that, your eyes roaming his glassy eyes.

“Are you gonna kiss me or just stare at me all day?” he questions, lips pulled into a knowing grin.

“Can I?” your question makes him frown in confusion, “Dunno, I heard some guys don’t like that after getting head.”

“Bunch a fuckin pussies,” he grumbles, leaning forward to close the gap between your mouths. He can feel you smile into it, and mimics your grin when you begin to press short, repeated kisses against his lips.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

He laughs when you continue to press quick kisses on his lips. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

You kiss him on the cheek, wet and dramatic. “Love you, Levi.”

Your face is right in front of his, but he averts his gaze, a different kind go warmth spreading throughout his chest when you flash a smile at him. He lets you kiss him again, longer this time, but still slow and sweet. He likes the feeling of you resting against him, affection lingering on your tongue when you kiss him.

It’s dangerous, but he likes the way you spark a fire in him. Sweet or sinful, it makes him feel boneless, wanted, loved.

Levi leans forward, rubbing his hands up your sides, and captures your lips in another languid kiss before pulling away to peck the corner of your mouth. “Love you, too.”

And he means it of course, but if Levi thought he had it bad before, he’s in deep shit now.

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing x.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 8, 711

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

so here is the mini monster chap !! i know I said this was going to be a drabble series but I clearly got carried away LOL

anyways, no spoilers for this chap but I can say it's one of my favs that I've written and I think we see oc getting the comfort that she deserves (and needs!)

and also !! this is my first time updating a series on tumblr and it feels *exciting* hehe, I hope you enjoy this chapter c:

let me know your thoughts in my asks!! i'd love to hear what you think so far :3

all the love and I hope you're having a great

day/night/evening/afternoon wherever you are ❤️

“Open up!”

The only person that would opt to yell to get your attention than ring on your doorbell like a normal person would be Yena. And it helped that you immediately recognised her voice from the first syllable she uttered. That and you were currently moping in your living room with lactose-free ice cream, courtesy of Jimin that dropped it off a day ago when he heard that you were ‘sick’. Even if you hadn’t seen him face-to-face, you remember him softly hoping you’d get better.

You don’t know why she’s at your door, but you’re already on your feet to get her when you hear her begin to mutter curses directed at you behind the thin wood of your entrance.

“I can hear you!” You call.

“Well bitch then open the damn door!” She snaps.

You roll your eyes, and so far with the number of times you’ve hung out with her, it’s safe to say that the two of you were comfortable. You never knew how fun having a girl best friend was until you met Yena, and sure it’s only been a little under two weeks since you’ve gotten to know her through various messages and FaceTimes, but you feel like she’s your friend soulmate.

And when you expressed that to her over a FaceTime call a few nights back, you remember her gagging all while you flush and attempt to take it back. You know her candidly calling you bitch rather than your name was her saying she felt the same.

You pull the door open as she stands there with her eyes narrowed into slits, eyeing you up and down before she scrunches her nose.

“There’s a thing called a shower that you should look into. You look like a rundown version of long-haired Noah Beck.” She grimaces when she eyes you up and down.

You scowl. “You did not just compare me to him.”

She clicks her tongue before she shoves you aside by shoving a plastic bag of the takeout food into your arms and steps into your apartment.

Yena ignores the glare you shoot at the back of her neck when she looks around your living room, scrunching her nose like she was here to inspect your room than pay you a visit.

“Did someone die in here or was that just your will to live?”

You scoff. “Wow. Drag me.”

She waves you off before plopping onto your couch while you sigh, immediately heading to the kitchen to prep the food she brought over.

“For a moment I thought you were dead.” She confesses casually.

When you return with bowls and plates, with the cutlery to match—you give her a dry look before you’re taking your seat on the floor; attempting to hide your half-eaten tub of ice cream, which Yena immediately spots.

“So your first instinct was to yell at my door in hopes that I wasn’t actually dead?” You ask dryly.

She picks up your ice cream and grimaces at it, silently judging you for the flavour before she gives you a shrug.

“Yeah. I was hoping that your spirit would confer.”

You snort. “And the food?”

“A peace offering.” She tells you like it’s obvious.

You sigh, you loved Yena—you really did. She was all over the place and random, but it was a refreshing difference that you needed in your life from the usual law and order you often opted for.

“Not that I don’t appreciate your concern,” You tell her, pulling out a container to see your favourite lemon chicken as you eye her suspiciously. “But what brings you here? I told you I was sick.”

Yena scoffs. ��And sick you are, bitch. What kind of sick person devours ice cream? Sure, you look the part but your diet says otherwise. Don’t think I didn’t see the empty packet of snickers in the trash.”

You scowl.

“I recovered yesterday.” You lie, taking a bite out of the chicken.

Yena rolls her eyes and you know she doesn’t believe you. She leans into your couch while she watches you eat, “Namjoon texted me that you may need some company.” At that, you choke.

Her eyes widen as you hit at your chest to get the food to go down, eyes still wide at her revelation.

“Why would he do that?” You cry.

“Girl, I know you’re not trying to deflect—you’re literally about to choke and die.”

You glare at her. “I’m fine.” You cough for good measure, then you’re levelling another serious gaze at her.

“I’m fine.” You reiterate with an emphasis on your state even though you were anything but. “I don’t know why the hell he thinks I need company.” You mutter under your breath.

At this, Yena’s face softens as she leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees while you avoid her gaze; idly poking at your food.

“I don’t know either, and you don’t need to tell me anything.” She says softly. “That’s all I’m here for. To be your company, whether you need it or not.”

You don’t know how much Namjoon told her over a text message, but you don’t think it’s much. Purely because he didn’t seem like a snitch and he was too respectful to ever let other people into the business that wasn’t his own. Even at the thought, you want to groan because you essentially lured him into thinking it was okay for him to kiss you while you were … you don’t even know what the fuck was happening anymore.

“I—” You say weakly, and all Yena does is offer you a comforting smile.

For some reason, the fact that she’s here right in front of you after you spent the day crying and feeling like your heart has been repeatedly stomped over with the addition of your rumination—it feels nice to have someone with you, even if it’s just their presence.

But the way she doesn’t look at you and expects something out of your conversation makes you feel even more overwhelmed, and that’s probably why the dam breaks.

Yena’s eyes widen as she immediately darts out to wrap her arms around you when you end up in violent sobs. You don’t know why you’re crying but you are, and you’re tired of hiding things, your feelings and your intent just to pretend like things were okay.

“It’s okay.” She strokes your hair and it feels warm, like a mother comforting a crying baby and you realise that this is what friends should feel like.

“N-no it’s n-not!” You cry into her shirt and it’s messy, but she doesn’t seem like she minds. Especially when she supports your pliable frame.

“You wanna talk about it?” She asks softly, giving you a kind smile.

You sniffle, staring forward as you feel your eyes swell with the escalation of your tears.

“I don’t know.” You whisper.

She hums, “It’s okay not to know. You don’t need to know everything.”

“I’m just so tired, Yena.” You tell her in a hushed breath.

“Life is difficult.” She admits. “It’s natural to be tired.”

You’re thankful to hear that she doesn’t comfort you with blind optimism. She’s real and she acknowledges how shitty things may be, and frankly, you didn’t need another wannabe altruist telling you that things will get better. You knew that, everyone did. But when you’re at rock bottom and all you see is darkness, you’re not looking for better. You’re looking for a reason to continue.

“Can I say something?” She asks. The way she looks at you is soft and open, and non-judgemental. You feel safe.

You nod your head, teary eyes staring up at her.

“You’re not responsible for anyone’s feelings except your own.” She looks at you so seriously that you nearly feel your breath escape. “There are things that you can and cannot control—and the latter usually falls under the people around you.”

You suck in a breath, and you wonder how she’s so spot on without ever touching on the true context.

“Namjoon texted me but I didn’t come here because he asked me to. It’s because you deserve to have someone be around you when you’re clearly not okay.”

“I’m—”

“You’re not.” She blinks, and you almost pout at her firm tone. “And that’s okay. I don’t need to know what happened to justify how you feel. You could’ve stubbed your toe and feel like absolute shit and I have absolutely no right to judge you on how or when you feel emotions.”

You wonder where she’s been your entire life and why she was only in your life now.

“But the thing is,” She sighs. “You don’t always have to choose between something or the other. Sometimes you need to choose yourself.”

You stare up at her in awe because Yena was cool in general, her laidback and unbending personality was mainly what drew you to her because you’d argue you were the opposite. Even if Jungkook’s words stung, you could take it at face value and accept that it was true.

You were uptight and you were a bit of a prude, and for the longest time, you always resented that aspect of you. But you realised with Yena, she had traits that were resented in a woman as well. And you realise that you’d never be perceived the way you want unless you perceive yourself in a positive light first.

So when she speaks to you so sternly, yet with a tone of care as she picks apart her words so carefully—you realise what you have to do.

“I think I like Jungkook.”

Yena pauses for a brief second, but you don’t see any judgement in her face. Just confusion, a warranted emotion you don’t blame her for having.

“I figured as much.”

Your eyes widened, “How—?”

It’s almost like a repeat of the first night at the football game when you befriended each other, but she only shoots you a gentle smile.

“Call it a woman’s intuition.”

You blink, fiddling with your fingers before you stare up at her, continuing your drawls.

“And we kissed.”

At this, Yena cocks an eyebrow up, “Was this recent?”

You fiddle with your thumbs before you sigh and push yourself up.

“Thing is …” You mumble, “I’m not like that.”

You don’t answer her question because you can’t think of a proper enough response to tell her that yeah—you did kiss him, amongst other things that you foolishly allowed yourself to indulge in. You knew Yena wasn’t judgemental but you also knew that you couldn’t retrieve your words the moment they left your mouth. It was your own judgement that stopped you from saying the things you really wanted and it sucked, royally. Because you could tell that Yena wasn’t out here to crucify you for being … liberated. She just wanted to be there for you.

Yena scrunches her eyebrows in confusion as she allows your words to settle, pondering a response.

She settles for a huff, “Care to elaborate?”

“I don’t … do things like that.” You say softly. “I’m shy and quiet. I’m not active in the social sphere and I only have three friends that I can reach out to if I wanna hang out. But even then, I don’t … I don’t like partying, or drinking, or loud spaces. I’m awkward and horrible at social interaction let alone being able to navigate my romantic feelings. And … I felt so bad about it.”

Yena’s eyes soften, but you can’t look at her just yet. Not when this is the first time you’ve ever laid yourself vulnerable, emotionally that is, to someone that wasn’t just the confines of your thoughts.

“I always wondered what it’d like to be confident, to be liked on campus and not just be known as the smart girl.” You whisper. “My entire personality was built around my achievements and I didn’t know what else to do. What if … what if I peak here and fail after?” Your eyes are wide in despair, and you feel your lips quiver when you speak.

“You’ll never know.” Yena reminds you gently. “You won’t know who likes you or what people say about you—but you’re going to be hearing your own thoughts 24/7 and that’s what kicks you down or drives you further.”

You sigh, nodding your head.

“It’s just … Jungkook and I were close. We grew up together even if he’s younger than me. But we just got along well and he … he saw me. He used to comfort me whenever I’d tell him how pressuring it got and—I feel so stupid because he probably says that to everyone and I fell for it.” You chuckle with no emotion, staring at the stray thread poking outside of your couch pillow.

“Have you spoken to him about your feelings?” She asks softly.

Immediately, you scoff and the sour emotion peaks through again.

“He’s made it clear what he wants to hear from me.” You mutter.

Yena purses her lips before resting her hands gently on your shoulder.

“You’re not answering my question, ______.” She chides gently.

You nibble on your bottom lip and shake your head. That earns a sigh from her as she wraps her arms around you once again, resting her chin on your shoulder as you allow yourself to feel the comfort of her warmth.

“He kissed me first and we did things together.” Your lips quiver when you recall the memories, “A-And he’s with Jennie. I just …” You flutter your eyes shut, “I don’t want to say that I’m the other girl but I feel a lot like a second option and it sucks.”

Yena doesn’t ask, and she doesn’t need to. She doesn’t need to justify why you felt the way you did, so she holds you tighter.

“Babe.” She gently turns you to look at her with both hands resting on your shoulders. “Did you talk to him? Properly? Do you really know if he’s with her?”

“I think them kissing proves enough to me.” You snap, and you don’t know why you’re being so hostile, especially to Yena.

She purses her lips, “You kissed him and you aren’t together.”

You wince and she shoots you an apologetic look. She sighs before reaching out to squeeze your hand, all while you stare at the ground to level out your emotions.

“I’m not saying that you can’t feel the way you do. But I’m offering objectivity here. Men are … they’re blunt creatures and that’s the biggest difference between men and women.” You furrow your eyebrows as she takes a deep breath before she continues. “And the idea that we’re equal? No, we’re not. I’m not talking about our systemic positions in society but on an emotional level. Men take things surface value and work with it, they don’t stop to think about the layers of feelings that go into interpersonal relationships with friends, family or lovers. Women? We go big or we go home. All we see is the big picture and sometimes the little details get lost in translation. This isn’t me justifying Jungkook playing home with you or Jennie at the same time, but offering you a perspective that may be hard for you to see because you aren’t him.”

It was true, and you hated yourself for being aware but not putting action based on your own thoughts. Yena only reaffirmed the idea that you overthought every single interaction and maybe that was why you were the one that was hurting.

That, or you and Jungkook had horrible communication problems that neither of you was ready to face just yet. But how could you? When the two of you were on two different wavelengths and you were trying to be just enough for him while he was jumping off pedestals to see you.

It didn’t feel nice, and it sucked because he was the same person that comforted you and broke you all at once.

“I’m scared.” You whisper.

She smiles at you gently, patting your head gently as you peer up at her with tears between your lashes.

“And that’s okay.” She reassures you with a soft voice, “The only thing scarier than being scared is not feeling at all.”

Before you go to where your heart tells you to—your mind is the only thing that keeps you rooted in some form of rationale. That’s probably why you’re outside of Namjoon’s dorm. You don’t think you’ve ever paid his place a visit despite him telling you his address on multiple occasions, usually opting to hang out in public yet serene places where you were able to get a breather.

Your feet feel heavy and your fist is raised, but it barely moves. Especially when you’re just eyeing his door like a deer caught in headlights. You’ve rehearsed the apology on your tongue a million times, even if you don’t really know what you’re apologising for. But you feel like you must, particularly because you’ve senselessly let him see all of the feelings that you were trying to suppress in hopes of retaining the same ones he had for you.

You take a deep breath and deliver the first knock, the vibrations making your arm feel weak.

But you’re tired of always surrendering to bigger and more frightening things that you could understand. So you purse your lips and play the waiting game.

It seems like a long twenty minutes that you wait, but in reality, it’s only two when the door swings open. You brace yourself to see Namjoon, apology already sitting on your tongue.

You should’ve dropped a text, you knew that. But you decided against it because you haven’t spoken to Namjoon since what happened a few days ago. Neither of you speaking about the kiss or the way your eyes glistened when you saw Jungkook and Jennie together.

“____?” He asks confusedly.

You give him a meek smile, “Hi. Can I come in?”

He blinks at you, and you notice he still has his glasses that he usually forgoes during the times you’ve hung out—and you feel a little guilty for catching him at a bad time.

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Sure.”

Namjoon steps aside and you’re welcomed into the space of his living room. The first thing you notice is the interior, and how … Namjoon it was. It’s both cluttered and neat, the palette of his furniture matching the overall vibe he emanated. His furniture is mostly wood, light sandalwood that makes it feel all the homier.

And you tell him such, “You have a very homey place.”

Namjoon turns his head to look at you right before he plops himself back onto his couch where you see the bits and pieces of paper scrambled across the floor and the couch. Even then, he was able to look so welcoming even though you reckon he has a right to be hostile—for a reason you came here to apologise for.

“Thank you.” He flushes, patting a spot in front of him for you to take your seat.

When you settle, the atmosphere turns strained when you mull over your words so that you wouldn’t stumble over them. You practised, you did—about a hundred times before you came here and you thought you were ready to apologise and put things behind you but it’s proven difficult when all he does is look at you in earnest.

“Not that I—uh—mind,” He mumbles, “But is there a reason why you’re here?”

You blink at him as you ignore the quiver in your heart.

“I’m sorry.” You blurt.

“_____ why are you—”

“You didn’t deserve what happened the other day.” You interject, voice soft but unwavering when you force yourself to look at him as his eyes widen.

“I wasn’t the one that saw something I shouldn’t have.” He reminds you with a frown.

You swallow, “I kissed you. And you …” It wasn’t helping that he was looking at you so gently as he awaits your continuation. “You didn’t need to save me back then, Namjoon.” You end in a whisper.

Namjoon reaches out to grab your shoulder, touch gentle as he searches for your eyes.

“I didn’t save you …” He tells you tenderly.

“It’s not just that!” You exasperate while you throw your hands up in the air. “I-it’s everything … from the way you treat me and the way you look at me. You didn’t need to do any of that and you even—” You trail off, fluttering your eyes shut. “—what did you say to Jungkook right before we left?”

Namjoon’s eyes enlarge as his grip becomes tense against your shoulder. You can almost see the way his mind kicks into gear as he thinks of a response.

“That—I—does it matter?” He huffs.

Your eyes soften, “Namjoon.” You force yourself to look at him even if now he was the one that tries to avoid your gaze. “What did you say?”

Namjoon tightens his lips before he sighs deeply, head dropping forward before he looks at you.

“I told him to be honest.” He says softly.

You furrow your eyebrows, “To be honest …?”

“I know you have feelings for him.”

Your face blanches when Namjoon basically exposes you. It’s one thing for you to be self-aware of your complicated feelings towards the other boy. But when someone else points it out, especially when it’s Namjoon—the boy who’s been nothing but kind and patient with you while you’re too busy being caught up in your emotions—it’s like a slap across your face.

“I-I don’t—”

“You don’t need to lie to save my face, ______.” He chuckles dryly, eyes darting away as he tries to neutralise his expression. You wince at the spite he establishes, but you know deep down that Namjoon isn’t angry at you. No, he was far too understanding to be. Disappointed? Frustrated? Sure, but never angry,

The silence answers for you when you look away this time, eyebrows scrunched as you attempt to navigate the conversation. You came here to apologise, and to be honest.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

“Don’t.” He takes a deep breath as you flinch. “Don’t … apologise.” He sighs.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on, Namjoon.” You murmur apologetically.

He shoots you a half-hearted chuckle, “You didn’t do anything. Really.”

“But I did, Namjoon. I kissed you back.” You frown.

“That doesn’t imply anything. I kissed you, and you reciprocated. We all kiss someone and not mean anything by it.”

You flinch, and you’re familiar with that more than anyone else. The reminder only stings because it makes you realise that you were not much different from Jungkook, the same person you’ve claimed to have messed with you and fucked you over.

“I’m—”

“Please don’t apologise anymore.” He says. “I already feel like shit.”

You smile sadly at him, “How do you manage to be so nice even when other’s do you wrong?”

Namjoon sighs, then he grabs both your hands in his. “You didn’t wrong me, _____. It’s not your fault you don’t feel the same way I do.”

“How did you …” You trail off.

“How did I know you had feelings for Jungkook?” He chuckles. “The same way he knew I had feelings for you.”

You purse your lips, eyes dropping to your lap. “It’s not that simple, Namjoon …” You say softly.

Namjoon smiles at you gently, “Is it?” He gently nudges your knee with his so that you’d look at him. “Life is simple. It’s not easy. But it’s simple.”

You scoff even if a small smile teases your lips, “You really are a philosophy major, aren’t you?”

The two of you grin in tandem before he purses his lips, possible mulling over something before he faces you.

“The two of you are close so … why beat around the bush?”

Your eyes flutter shut, shaking your head. “Like I said, it’s really not that simple.”

He rolls his eyes at you, but it’s not to mock or taunt you. Namjoon simply sees a naive, yet an intelligent girl who doesn’t see what’s right in front of her.

“Remember what I said? I’m a simple guy.” He reminds you, lips in a grin. “Try me.”

You snort, but you’re still nervous. You still remember that he has feelings for you, so you’re hesitant. And he immediately recognises the guilt-ridden expression that you mar.

Namjoon shoots you a stern glare, “Don’t overthink it.”

You sigh.

“Jungkook and I …” You start, fiddling with your thumbs. “We grew up together.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes and shoots you another one of his bland stares. “I know the history. I just want to know why?”

You furrow your brows, “Why?”

“Why the two of you insist on being so emotionally constipated.”

You gape at his audacity, and you’re glad the atmosphere isn’t as tense because Namjoon simply snickers at your reaction.

“I am not—!”

He waves you off, “Really?” He adds dryly.

You purse your lips and relent, even if you didn’t want to agree with him—you knew that he was … right. To a certain extent.

“We kissed.” You blurt.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, “That’s not surprising.”

You shoot him a dry look before he raises his hands in defence.

“He was my first kiss.”

At this, Namjoon’s widen.

“When you were in high school?” He pries.

You flush, embarrassed that you had to tell him otherwise.

“Two months ago.” You mutter.

Namjoon splutters, and you can’t help but glare at him when he quite literally chokes on his spit. You know you caught him off guard, but him rubbing salt in the wound that’s relatively fresh makes you scowl.

“Oh.” He clears his throat. Then he repeats, “Oh.”

You scoff, “Yeah. Oh.”

“Then … what happened?” You know he’s treading carefully with you when he asks you his question softly.

You purse your lips, and you recall every single moment you’ve shared with him. From giggles to hushed kisses, to intimate touches and sweat-stained sheets that have you gasping for air. You remember it all, and they meant … they meant the world to you, but just a speck in his memory.

“Things escalated and we … did stuff together.” You wince.

Namjoon nods in understanding, he gestures his hands around, “Like—”

“I’m a virgin.”

Namjoon blinks.

“And for the longest time, I felt embarrassed about it.”

“Oh.”

“I struggled to find my footing between being sexually liberated and being a woman because for the longest time I thought those two were mutually exclusive. For me, at least.” You say softly.

Namjoon only stares at you.

“And I always wanted validation from someone else to tell me that what I was doing was the right thing to do. Or the supposed thing to do. Never what I really wanted to do.”

“Not that I’m uncomfortable but … why are you letting me in on this?” Namjoon asks with a raised brow.

“Because I want to do something for myself for once.” You whisper.

“Okay …?”

“Why do you like me? Even if I’m … boring and not as sexy as other women?”

You sound pathetic, and the first person you find yourself comparing yourself to is Jennie—a beautiful, confident woman who looked so assured in herself.

“You’re not—”

You groan.

“Namjoon.”

“Okay.” He sighs. “If you’re asking me if I care that you’re a virgin, then no. I really don’t. Because frankly, that concept to me is false and problematic. Whether or not you’ve had sex or not isn’t any of my business.”

You duck your head.

“And I like you because you’re interesting. You’re funny and you’re assured in your own way. You don’t need to be a certain standard of pretty or sexy or whatever for me to like you. I like you because of the time we’ve spent together and that I’ve gotten to know you. The real you and not the person I admired from afar but the girl who throws in jokes out of nowhere but fits so well with the situation. The girl who’s willing to spend three extra hours of her time to help with content that wasn’t prescribed to her. I like you because I’d like to think I’ve grown to understand who you are.”

Namjoon says all of those things while staring at you straight in the face and you feel compelled to cry. Because no one has ever been so honest with you and you hate that your heart can’t reciprocate what should be an easy feeling that comes naturally.

“Fuck.”

His eyes widen.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He coos, a hand petting your hair gently as you sniffle.

“It’s not, Namjoon. Everything sucks because everything is so complicated. Why can’t I just have feelings for you instead?”

It’s selfish, and Namjoon winces. But you’re so overwhelmed that you miss it, and Namjoon is too nice to point his own feelings out.

“You don’t pick and choose your battles, _____.” He murmurs softly.

“That’s not what my mom told me.” You whimper.

He chuckles, “Yeah. Most people like to believe that because it makes them think that they have a choice over the bad things that happen in their lives. But in reality? They don’t. No one decides what happens to them. You pick and choose how you react to things. How you deal with situations and what you make out of those situations is what you can choose to do. You don’t like me, and that’s fine. You don’t have to just because I’m nice to you, _____. Being nice is the absolute bare minimum and something that everyone should feel and do.”

Your face crumbles, “Why are you so wise?”

Namjoon smiles, “I’m not. It’s called offering a different perspective. Just because I see things one way doesn’t make me any better than you who sees things in another. That’s why we meet different types of people throughout our lives. The good, the bad, the in-between. There’s always something people offer to us in the midst of chaos.”

You sigh.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon.”

He pats your head, “I said don’t apologise.”

“No, but I want to. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and you picked up a shitty situation to be in when Jungkook and Jennie were at the library. Even right after I kissed you. That was … a horrible thing to do. I shouldn’t have done that just because—just because I was confused … you don’t deserve that.”

He doesn’t look angry, and that’s even worst because you want him to react, to call you a bitch and say that you were a horrible person.

“I don’t.” He shrugs while you wince. “But a lot of the times we don’t deserve a lot of things that we get. And that’s okay. You did what you thought was justified then, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. But you’re hurting too, and you’re confused—that’s what drove you to do the things that you did, and even here. That’s why you’re apologising to me, right? Because you’re not as confused anymore?”

You shake your head.

“I am, I’m still so confused.” You whisper.

“Then let me offer you another perspective.”

You look up to him with big eyes as he smiles at you gently.

“You have feelings for Jungkook.” You immediately flinch, even if he didn’t hit you. But Namjoon continues. “You’re trying to keep the picture as simple as you can even if it hurts you in the process. But

“You don’t understand, Namjoon … we … did things … that I’m not proud off …”

“You don’t have to—”

“He was my first kiss. My first … sexual experience. Even if it was just … third base,” You cringe, but Namjoon isn’t judging you at all. “A-and that’s all I was to him. An experience.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Do I, Namjoon?” You say softly. “He said things to me that were so hurtful. And a stupid part of me forgives him but it still hurts every time I think about it and when I see him with Jennie.”

You whisper the words Jungkook’s said to you, and for the first time, you see Namjoon’s jaw harden. The most emotion that wasn’t rationale you’ve seen in Namjoon ever since you first arrived.

“I know it hurts.” He murmurs, holding you close. “And I really don’t want it to seem like I’m justifying his words … but would you want to hear me out?”

You purse your lips and nod nevertheless.

“Jungkook isn’t a bad person.” You blink, you never thought he was. “I know you don’t think he is but you want to. Because of the things he’s said to you because why would a good person say those kinds of things, right? But the world isn’t black and white like that. There’s a grey area where 99% of the population falls into because we operate on emotion and sometimes we say things that we may feel but not necessarily believe in.”

“Jungkook … he’s still young. And I know we’re in college and stuff but he’s still three years younger than I am and two years younger than you. He’s spoken to me about how hard it was to adjust to a high school life where you, Jimin and Tae weren’t a part of. And I don’t know about you but if the only friends I’ve ever known suddenly left because they had to … I wouldn’t know what to do either. He was at a point in his life where his environment played a huge part in the values and internalised beliefs he had.”

You look away as you reflect on his words, nibbling on your bottom lip.

“He mixed around with different groups of people, and I hate this saying but it’s still a common belief to many—especially people his age, almost out of high school. But the ‘boys will be boys’ mentality is more than just misogyny and sexism, but a culture where it feeds off complacency and peer pressure. Jungkook suddenly had to shift from three, good friends who were progressive and influential in an objectively good way to people he was obliged to like because they were his peers.”

You gape at him, purely because you knew that Namjoon was smart and wise but his introspection leaves you breathless and enlightened.

“But that doesn’t change the core of Jungkook,” Namjoon says. “He’s still Jungkook. He doesn’t know how to ask for things that he wants without feeling like he’s betraying his masculinity. And again, I’m not justifying his actions because he’s a grown man too. But he’s lost, and the only thing he knows to uphold this sense of masculinity is by being sexually liberated. Even if he conflates his own emotions with his endeavours.”

“I … I don’t even know what to say Namjoon.” You murmur, eyes looking up through your lashes.

“You don’t need to say anything. I just want you to be honest to yourself, not anyone else. But yourself.” He tells you, carding a gentle hand over your head.

You fiddle with your thumbs.

“What do you want?”

Despite you confiding two different people, you find yourself at a convenience store at 12AM, scarfing down ramen from a cup noodle because your mind was a funny place when it was muddled with a hundred different thoughts. You knew sleep wasn’t an option for you either, and you were hungry. But somehow you didn’t have anything back in your apartment that screamed ‘I’m in a crisis’ enough for you to eat.

Which is why you’re here, while the cashier keeps his eyeball to himself when he sees yet another college student who’s probably having their third mental breakdown of the day.

It is, but not for the right reasons, you think dryly.

You think you’re alone until the chime of the bell momentarily distracts you and you turn your head to acknowledge the next lone customer who may be going through their own set of issues, or had a fucked up sleeping schedule.

But you’re not expecting to make eye contact with Jennie, out of everyone or any stranger you could’ve come across.

She spots you, shoots you a weird look that has you nearly choking on a string of noodles before she moves on to what she came here to do and stops at the snack section, skimming through her options before she settles on a pack of shrimp chips. Your heart churns because they were Jungkook’s favourite. You don’t want to wonder why she picked them.

You turn to your noodles, scarf them down some more because you want to eat your thoughts away even if you’re half-considering to call Jungkook, tell him you wanted to talk. But you knew that if you spoke to him now when you were still sorting out your thoughts, you’d end up in a situation you won’t be ready to deal with.

So when you poke at your food and sigh to yourself, you almost miss the way the stool beside you scrapes against the floor as you cringe.

You turn to shoot a petty glare at the person, and you see Jennie; casually tearing open her chips and popping one into her mouth

You blink at her, and you’re left even more speechless when she juts her hand out as if to offer you a shrimp cracker. Like it was a weird symbol of a truce. Even if you weren’t really … enemies.

“Want some?”

You stare at her, and before you can think twice your lips are moving.

“The crackers or your company?” You say dryly.

Her eyes widen, and so does yours. You didn’t expect to say your exact thoughts and you don’t think she expected a quiet, timid girl like you to have said that—out loud at least. Like Yena said, everyone has a mean bone in them. Some longer and larger than others, but they were still there.

“Wow.” She huffs, but she doesn’t seem offended. “Rude, much?”

You wince and feel compelled to apologise. “Sorry.”

She waves you off and you feel odd to be sitting next to her. You always expected her to be more malicious, a lot more of a bitch. And you frown to yourself because you suppose it’s your own preconceived notions of her due to the association she has with Jungkook that had you thinking of her that way.

“What’s someone like you doing here on a weekday?” She asks off-handedly.

The term ‘someone like you’ doesn’t sit well with you, and you scowl.

“I’m eating. What does it look like?” You retort, and Jennie only raises an eyebrow at your response. Much like an angry kitten.

“Damn, I was just asking.” She mutters under her breath, “I’m hungry. Needed a snack.” She shakes the crackers in front of you, “You sure you don’t want one?”

You can’t believe her as you gape at her easy-going state when she thrusts the bag of crackers into your face yet again.

“No.” You furrow your brows, gently pushing it away as she shrugs her shoulders.

“It’s good.” She reasons, and you don’t know why she’s so adamant about having you take one.

The irrational part of you thinks she wants to poison you, to eliminate you for good so she won’t have to deal with your pathetic pining over a person that wasn’t even yours.

“I know.” You mutter. “I tried it before.”

Jennie nods her head slowly, observing the content of the packet on the back before she turns to face you, “Jungkook introduced this to me. Didn’t see the appeal but it’s addictive.”

You freeze, and your ramen soup is getting cold with the way you haven’t prodded at it for a while and in the air-conditioning in the convenience store. You feel your stomach drop, especially now that your initial suspicions were confirmed.

“That’s nice.” You grit. It really isn’t.

“Did he introduce it to you?” She asks with a tilt of her head.

Why you’re still talking to her, or why she was bothering to talk to you when she’s ignored you all this while—you aren’t sure. But you still answer her despite the spite that forms in your chest.

“I introduced it to him.” You inform.

She hums, unbothered. It only irritates you more.

“Is there a reason?” You huff. “Why you’re here?”

She raises an eyebrow, “I’m hungry?”

You scoff. “No.” You slam the table ever so slightly because even if you were annoyed and confused, you weren’t that brave and you didn’t want to cause a scene at a convenience store at midnight. “Why are you here. Talking to me.”

Jennie blinks at you, then stares at you for seconds too long that you flush under her unwavering stare before she ends up in a fit of giggles. You almost think she’s here to mock you, to call you out on your pathetic and humiliating pining for someone who doesn’t care about you the same way you do to him. But she pats you on the shoulder, and you want to think it’s condescending but it doesn’t seem that way at all.

“You’re an acquaintance. You looked like you needed the company.”

You frown, “I don’t.”

She rolls her eyes, munching on another chip.

“You do. Your posture looks depressing.”

“Excuse me?” You scowl.

“It’s true.” She shrugs. “You don’t seem the type to be here wallowing unless it’s really bad. You seem like you have your shit together.”

And because your mind is already muddled and confused, and filled with irrational thoughts. Her words set you off, and you seem to be underrating or overreacting more than usual. So you snap, you shove your cup aside that the soup nearly sloshes out and send her a glare so blazing that Jennie’s caught off guard.

“And you think you know me well enough to gauge whether or not I’m ‘like this’ or the type to have a perfect mental breakdown regimen because I’m smart?” You seethe. Jennie’s eyes widen. “I have mental breakdowns like every other student and I binge eat when I’m stressed and I fuck up from time to time. I curse, yes! I see your face. Oh does she not curse? Well, look at me, bitch. I can curse like a motherfucking sailor at sea when the fishes come because I’m human. I’m just like you. So fuck off with your ‘you seem like you have your shit together’ because I don’t and I’m so fucking annoyed with your stupid face whenever I see it because it only reminds me of Jungkook!”

The silence is defining, even the cashier stops counting his bills for the night because you don’t hear the rubbing of money together. You feel his stare on your back, and more pressingly, you feel Jennie’s shocked expression linger on your face, and now that you’ve come down from your rage. Your face heats up in embarrassment.

You don’t even recall what you said, except for the fact you’ve mentioned her and Jungkook in the same sentence. And your face pales.

“I …” She chokes.

You flush, before you’re turning away, snatching your belongings to leave and forget this convenience store and never return because you don’t think you can show your face here ever again.

But before you’re able to make a run for it, a hand grabs your elbow that stops you from moving any further.

“This is already as embarrassing—” You exasperate, trying to snatch your arm away.

“For a girl so smart, you’re really dumb, aren’t you?” She deadpans.

You gape, finding enough strength to retrieve your arm as you stare at her with a dumbfounded expression.

“Excuse me—?”

“Firstly, let’s unpack what you just said because there are a lot of things that need to be dissected here.” She says blankly.

You scowl, “Look I don’t—”

“One.” She blinks as if she was doing a presentation for a course and not talking to an alleged acquaintance. “I don’t think you should act a certain way just because you’re smart. You’re entitled to your own mechanisms and I’m not judging you for them. I was simply pointing out my own observations, and I’m sorry for being insensitive.”

You’re stunned to silence, because did Jennie just … apologise to you?

“Two.” She says. You listen silently. “I think you have things you need to talk to Jungkook about, and frankly—I would’ve stayed away if I knew that the two of you were a thing.”

“We’re not a thing!” You cry, face flushed.

She shoots you an unimpressed look, “Really. So that oddly targeted blow-up was because of your mental breakdown and not because you don’t have feelings for Jungkook?”

She’s the third person to call you out the same day, or within the first one in the next. And it’s even more embarrassing because it’s the girl you’ve compared yourself to countless times because of your own insecurities.

“Yes.” You snap childishly.

Jennie sighs, gesturing for you to sit on the stool. You want to defy her out of spite, but you’ve already gotten this far into the conversation and you feel like you’d miss out on something if you left now.

“Why are you mad at me?” She asks.

“I-I’m not mad—” You weakly protest.

“You are. There’s anger in you and if it’s not directed to Jungkook then it’s directed to me. Is it because I’m a woman?”

Your eyes widen, “What—?”

“Let me reword that,” She sighs. “Is it because I’m the woman with Jungkook?”

You flinch at her declaration, especially since she indirectly confessed to being with him, while you weren’t.

“I don’t …” You trail off in a whisper.

“I don’t blame you for being angry.” She says. “But I need you to understand that I would never have done anything with him if I knew that the two of you were together.”

“We’re not.” You blink, and her unimpressed look is still there that makes you speak a little louder. “We’re not together.”

She opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it. You see her furrow her eyebrows before she settles for a response that comes a few moments after.

“Okay, then if you’re not together then why the resentment?” She puts it so simply and now that you’re listening to her, you feel a lot stupider.

“I just …” You croak, fiddling with your fingers, “I don’t …”

She sighs, “Listen. We’re both women here. I know how it feels to be left in the dark when it comes to things like this but there’s no point in being angry at me when in reality it’s Jungkook you need to talk to. If you aren’t together then I don’t understand why you’re angry with me—or with him.”

You sit there in silence, nearly pouting like a scolded child.

“You’re his type.” You say softly.

Jennie pauses before she raises an eyebrow.

“And you believe that?”

You furrow your eyebrows, “I mean, of course?” You mumble, “You’re pretty, confident and sexy. Any guy would like you.”

For a moment, you think you’ve said too much. Looked to vulnerable. But Jennie doesn’t do the typical mean girl thing where she laughs in your face and threatens to expose you. Instead, her eyes soften, and her hand reaches out to hold yours.

“____.” She calls your name gently, and you look away, embarrassed. “You’re pretty. You’re confident. You are sexy.”

You flush, “No. I’m not.”

She scoffs, “_____, there isn’t a set definition of what a pretty woman is like. Nor is there a one-dimensional understanding of a confident woman. There are confident women who strut in their walk and commands all the attention in the room. But there are also quiet, assured women who are intelligent and confident in their capabilities. Both of them are so different, but the one thing that they have in common?” She prompts as your eyebrows furrow. “They’re both women who are worthy of love.”

You blink up at her when her tone goes softer.

“I don’t think I’m Jungkook’s type.” She tells you.

But for some reason you need to deny it, again.

“I think you are.” You mumble, “You’re … you. And you’re probably … experienced.” You cringe at what you say, and you’re mortified if you need to explain yourself to her. But Jennie immediately picks up on it, and you don’t notice how she tenses for a split second but recovers immediately.

“We’ve done things together, yes.” You feel your heart shatter, “But you don’t have to do anything with him for him to like you.”

You sigh, “Maybe. But that's the only way he’s ever wanted me.” You say so softly that Jennie almost doesn’t catch it.

Jennie’s face softens much more, turning into a much gentler expression as she nudges your chin to look at her. And when you do, you feel wounded. You feel so much less assured than you were when you were raging at her. You hated it, how she treated you so kindly when she should’ve been cursing at you like you did to her.

“Do you want to know something?” She asks.

You nibble on your lips before you nod your head.

“If someone doesn’t want you. It’s not because you’re lacking. It’s because they’re lacking the sense to perceive you in a way that recognises your inherent worth to be loved.”

Your breath hitches and Jennie continues.

“I’ve had instances where men didn’t want to sleep with me because I was too confident, too sexually liberated for them. As if who I slept with mattered because it wasn’t them. It was never going to be them.”

“I didn’t sleep with Jungkook.” You tell her, voice soft as if you needed to clarify.

“And you don’t need to. You don’t need to sleep with anyone for them to want you. If Jungkook only wants you for your body then he doesn’t deserve you.” She points out.

You feel your heart clench, and the realisation coming from Jennie only hurts even more.

“But he’s important to me …” You whisper.

“What’s important is not always what’s good for you.” She informs you with a gentle smile. “Your sexuality is yours. And if you want to sleep or be sexual with someone, you do it because you want to. Not because someone coerced you into doing it.”

Your eyes widened, “N-No. Jungkook didn’t force me. I consented. To all of it.” You murmur, “I wanted to do it. B-But I just felt so … lacking? In comparison and … since then all he’s came to me for was just … that.”

Jennie nibbles on her bottom lip, “Jungkook’s not a bad person.” She says softly. And she’s the second person that tells you that. So you know it’s a true reflection of his character.

“I know.”

She smiles, “We both do.” She nods, “But he’s misguided. He’s never had the ability to be with someone he really cares for and I think when that happened—he dealt with it the only way he knows how to.”

You furrow your brows, “But he’s with you.”

She shakes her head with a small chuckle, “No. Not emotionally, at least.” She informs. “And he doesn’t care about me. I know. He’s always kept me at arms-length away, and I’m fine with that because I don’t like him like that either.”

You blink, and your ears turn red. “H-How do you—?”

“How do I separate lust from affection?” She laughs. “It’s because I can. Not everyone can do that, and Jungkook is one of them.”

“But you just said that he didn’t care about you.”

“I’m not talking about me,” She smiles sadly.

Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion until you realise what she was implying. And you don’t want to assume anything, never. Because hope was the one feeling that was worse than fear and you didn’t want to subject yourself to that just yet.

“Oh.” You mumble.

She nods, squeezing your hand.

“I think he misses you.”

You purse your lips.

You missed him, too.

[nightowlfandom]

Kim Taehyung- All Mine

HELLO FRIENDS!!

ANON ASKS 

Hello my dear Night Owl. How are you feeling today? 😌

So, I saw your X rated prompt list and I was like "Okay. I need to ask for my idea immediately. I want to see their words on it"

Let's go. Y/N and Taehyung are at a party at a friend's place. Y/N is talking with people and some of them are maybe a bit too close with her so Tae becomes jealous. Even if he knows she didn't do anything wrong, he's giving her a silent treatment while fucking her (in a room upstairs) as he try to contain his moans, trying to be as serious as possible (but can't help to make such sexy faces and saying filthy things... oups 🥵) even if Y/N is trying to seduce him like touching his body or begging him to do some noises bc it's making her go crazy etc.... like he's not harsh, brutal or not calling her bad names (slut etc...) but more like he'll give her the best fuck of all time (to reassure his ego and make sure she's his) + 11, 16, 21, 33, 57 🙇‍♀️💛do you think it's possible even if it's a lot to take please? Thank you so much for your time and efforts! I love you 🧡🧡

This is perhaps the coolest, most detailed (and most considerate ask) I’ve ever gotten. No one ever asks how NightOwl is...I was having a shitty week and now I FEEL GREAT THANKS TO YOU!!

11- Oh god, Y/N…Those sounds you make are so fucking hot

16- I love this...pussy...you like it when I say that?

21- That’s right, you fucking worship me don’t you? Look up at me like I’m your god.

33- I really wanna fuck the innocence out of your eyes, cutie.

57- Fuck! You’re mine. You’re fucking mine and I’m fucking yours.

So I’m getting huge frat party, Tae is into Y/N and it’s obvious but of course eh. So she’s like, if he’s gonna be mean, ill be mean back. tease..

LEGGO!!

...

“Come on!”

“No.”

“Y/N, Please?”

“No.”

“Just this once!”

“Nana, for the last time-” you shut your textbook and turned to face her. “I don’t want to go.”

“It’s midterms! They’re finally over! Celebrate for once!” she sighed. Nana was your party-girl super extroverted best friend. The most popular girl in her sorority and by default the most popular in university. “You never actually get to have fun.”

“Within good reason!” you sighed. “A bunch of drunken frat boys, nerds who’ve never sipped vodka a day in their lives going crazy. Not to mention the disgusting smell of Smirnoff Ice?” you crossed your arms. “That’s your crowd, not mine.”

Nana sighed, running a hand through her silky hair. “I know you think that sororities and fraternities are nothing but drunken horn-dogs-”

“I never said that Nana. Those are your friends. I’m the last person you should be seen partying with.” 

“Well I want to be seen with you! We’ve been friends since we were in diapers! I just want to spend some time with my bestie.” she stood up. “Just for a couple minutes.”

“Alright you broke me, I’ll go.” you sighed, shoving your book into your bag.

“You will? Really!??” she hopped up. “Y/N thank you.” she took you into a bone crushing hug. “I promise you’ll enjoy yourself.”

You nodded as Nana excitedly told you her outfit ideas. You felt bad. It wasn’t nice to stereotype and yet there you were. Nana was the nicest and sweetest girl, she just loved to party. You promised yourself you’d enjoy yourself, for her sake. 

...

You walked down the halls, tapping away at your phone. You passed by the Bangtan Boys, the most well known, most popular, and probably most talented boys in all of the entire school. They would for sure debut before graduation.

“Hey Y/N!!” Taehyung chased behind you in an attempt to catch up. “Hey.”

“Um..Hi?” you raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“I heard you were going to Nana’s party.” he smiled. “I was wondering if-”

“That probably isn’t a good idea...reputation remember?” you glowered.

You and him had went out on one date. One. It was something that you came to regret when he grew somewhat of a reputation, that would soon come to haunt your ass. 

“Y/N-” he sighed. “Come on, we can go as friends.”

“To a party...that’s known for people going into broom closets and fuck?”

“Well it doesn’t have to be a broom closet.” he joked, making you scoff. “Come on, just for a few minutes. Save me a dance and then I’ll leave you alone.”

“....Sure, why not.” you gave in. “Just don’t make me regret this decision.”

...(At the party)

Taehyung was fuming. He watched you laugh in a small group of 2 boys and 2 girls. You were laughing at the top of your lungs kicking back a Screwdriver. He was sure that you hated alcohol but apparently not. You were laughing at something that asshole from his dance class had said. You had forgotten all about him. 

You were wearing a school jacket (it had been Nana’s varsity jacket that she insisted went so well with the black skirt she stuck you in.) along with a long sleeved black shirt. You were wearing your favorite shoes he always saw you in.

Sure, you two weren’t ‘together’ but IT WAS THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING. Everyone knew (well not everyone) that you were (not really) his. He noticed one of the guys in particular was getting a bit too flirty for his tastes. You weren’t that funny, but he was laughing as if you were a comedian. You looked like you were enjoying his company too.

No, he couldn’t have that!

He stormed up to the crowd and grabbed you by the hand, pulling you away from your group of friends.

“Hey!” you protested as you were led up the stairs. “Let me go!”

“Quiet.” was all he said as you were taken into a random bedroom. Before you could protest, he crashed his lips over yours. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, holding your head in place. 

“Taehyung!” you mumbled in surprise. “What are you-”

He wrapped his arms around your waist as he backed you up against the room door. He pinned your arms above you head. “You’re mine.” he grumbled. “Mine.” he sounded slightly desperate. He kissed down your jawline, down your neck.

He felts your hands lace into his, relaxing into his touch. He would have been happy had he not been so mad at that asshole flirting with you. 

“T-taehyung. I don’t think doing this here is such a good i-idea-uuuhh.” you tilted your head back slightly. He suckled on your collarbone, making your legs shake. “Tae- S-say something.”

Without speaking, he helped your out of your jacket, which you complied. Before he could do anything else, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back towards you.

Shit, how was he supposed to focus when you were such a good kisser. You played with the ends of his hair as he played with your tongue. He hummed thoughtfully, almost giggling at your desperation to hear him.

He let a small moan escape his lips as he grinded his body against yours. He kissed down your neck, grinding his body against yours in need and desperation.

“T-taehyungie~” you whimpered. “Please say something?”

The way you said ‘please’. Fuck! How could he ignore that?

“ Oh god, Y/N…Those sounds you make are so fucking hot “ he giggled. “You really pissed me off, Y/N.” he grumbled. He wrapped his arms around you tighter, trailing his hands under your shirt. “Hmmm~” he moaned.

“What did I do?” you stared up at him, pouting. “I was talking to my friends.” His hands trailed under your skirt now. “Uhhnn~” your hips bucked as he scratched your clit through your panties. “You aren’t my boyfriend.”

“I’m yours though.” he seethed. “I don’t want you to look at, or even care about anyone else but me. I don’t want you to look at anyone else this way.” he lowered himself to his knees, with an evil smirk on his face. “ That’s right, you fucking worship me don’t you? Look at me like I’m your god.” he whispered as your eyes followed him. “No one else gets you, no one else gets to take you.” he hiked up your skirt. “No one else gets to taste you.”

Tae yanked down your panties, shoving them in his pocket. He wasted no time in digging his tongue into your heat. A gasp ripped through your throat. You could only hope no one needed this room any time soon. He quietly licked stripes up your slit. You let out quiet mewls and moans. “T-taehyungie~” you whimpered.

“ I love this...pussy...you like it when I say that? “ he finally spoke, meeting your eyes. “Y/N.” he grunted, driving his tongue deeper into your core. He suckled at your clit, coaxing the sweetest sounds from you. He couldn’t wait anymore, he had to fuck you.

In the span of ten seconds, you were taken from the wall, thrown on the bed, already having witnessed Taehyung removed his belt and yanked down his pants to his knees.

“ I really wanna fuck the innocence out of your eyes, cutie. “ he gleamed. “You want to get some noise out of me?” he slowly slid himself into you. “Then you gotta make some yourself.”

A small, high pitched gasp escaped you as you tightened around his shaft. “Taehyung.” you whimpered. You felt his nails dig into your hips.

“SHIT!” he growled out loud. “Y/N, FUCK! I was wrong.” he managed to get out. “Fuck I still care about you.” he moaned. “Shit I want you to be mine.” he thrust into you even more. Sweaty skin slapping against skin. “God.” he whimpered. “Y/N!!”

There it was, what you wanted to hear. He crashed his mouth messily over yours again. He practically shoved his tongue through the gap in your mouth.

“ Fuck! You’re mine. You’re fucking mine and I’m fucking yours.” he shuddered, twitching inside of you. “You’re mine.” he thrust harder and deeper. “Only..mine~”

A string of loud curses and moans strung out from the both of you. He pinned your arms above your head, refusing to leave you.

You tilted your head back in pleasure. As he came, he laid sloppy kisses along your neck. You could hear his breathy laughs as he kissed your lips again.

“All...mine.”

...(next day tic tic tic)

“Why hello there, Party animal.” Nana joined your side. “Didn’t see you all night! Did you leave?”

“Nope. I was...with someone.” you trailed off. You wouldn’t admit you were with Taehyung until he did first.

“Hey Y/N, you disappeared yesterday.” that same guy you were talking too before joined both you and Nana.

“She was with me.”

You and Nana both looked up, Taehyung took a seat and through an arm around you. “Hey babe.” he kissed your forehead.

“Oh...I didn’t know you two were dating.”

“We just went public.” he glared in reply. Nana looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “You probably heard us in one of the bedrooms.”

Just as quickly as you calmed down, you were freaking out.

“Wait, that was you guys I heard?” Nana raised an eyebrow at you both. “Y/N?”

“Uh...You know what? Yeah.” you confessed. “No use in lying.”

“Damn Y/N, you didn’t tell me you were with-”

“Well I had to reassure her just where we stood in our relationship.” Taehyung cut the guy off. “I’m sure we’ve established just who Y/N belongs to...”

[tth-pdf]

Burning for love; JJK [03]

Contents: Smut, little bit of dirty talk, supernatural themes, romance, fluff, unedited.

Pairing: Werewolf!alpha!jungkook x omega!reader

Summary: A handsome man is hunting you in the dreams world, making every day more difficult to repress the need to come find him in the middle of the night to submit yourself to his every wish.

Requests: ON

A/N: Hello angels, sorry for the LONG wait, was so busy with school and depressing myself, but here it is, I tried to do my best and please also remember that English is not my first language be kind (😩), sorry for any grammar mistake, enjoy it and take care besties! 💖

Jungkook was insatiable, he just couldn’t seem to get enough of you, he has already fuck you senseless on the kitchen counter, the sofa, the living room floor, the restroom sink, simply everywhere, but he seem to want more and more and more, he wanted so much that you could hardly believe it.

Right now you were waking up, feeling incredibly good, feeling like everything was fine, but those emotions were gone as soon as common sense started to come back to you. Yesterday, Jungkook’s hands everywhere, that incredible first orgasm, but the one who made it happen… His scent, his bright eyes, strong arms making you feel like you can do it all, but above all the interest he had in you, what makes you feel on cloud nine it’s the way he seemed to be mesmerized by your expressions and sounds, knowing right where to touch without a doubt. Almost every space in your skin was painted by the ferocity with which he seems to love you, that marks on your skin being the carnal representation of your wonderful night but insecurities started to rise right at this moment, your mother will be mad, she will yell at you that in the pack were more suitable omegas for alpha Jungkook, the nasty glances and the possibility that some of the females in the pack may try to take what is yours, damn, the mere thought of it makes your eyes turn bright red provoked by the sudden rage coursing through your body. Immediately sensing the unpleasant feelings in you Jungkook comes out of the bathroom, wet hair and drops of water running down his body, making your mouth water, so just like magic your body and inner wolf instruct you to crawl to the end of the bed and touch him, to offer yourself to him, second thoughts completely forgotten by now so you follow your instincts and touch and admire from his hard abdomen to caressing his broad shoulders and just show him that look in your eyes, the one he knows like the back of his hand consequence of all the hours spent admiring and getting to know your body.

“Little girl woke up hungry?”

A hand of his goes to your waist and the other caress your cheek and just like fire can light up the darkest place your senses explode inside of you and once again everything feels a hundred times more, all the textures around you, you can hear the sounds of children and women playing in the distance, even the steps of the smallest animal but his deep chuckle brings you to him again and you feel like melting. Even kneeling at the edge of the bed he is much taller than you, (like a shelter for the most difficult moments in life), warm and golden skin beneath your fingertips and the delicious beating of his heart calming all your nerves and insecurities.

You look right back at him with the same intensity, different shades of golden dancing in your eyes while his are different shades of deep purple, the connection between both of you more palpable than never, trying not to break the eye contact you turn your face to his nearest scent gland, which means is his wrist, basking yourself in his delicious aroma.

“I see what you are at puppy, but I’m afraid that I can only deal with you once before I leave”

His last words hit you hard making you feel like drowning and desperate from one moment to another.

“Are you leaving?, I thought that this days… Were for us”

He can see your teary eyes making him wish he had never said that, breaking his heart a little.

“Don’t be like that baby, I will make sure to end that meeting as soon as I can to come back to your arms but you will have to be a good girl and wait here”

You know he is in a hurry but you can not help but want submit to his wonderful hands and simply seduce him to have him eating out of the palm of your hand, have him only for yourself and memorize all his features.

“You promised it, you said you were going to make me a priority always, you lied to me”

You weren’t usually like this, but when he is around your common sense flies out of the window, so while you're throwing a tantrum and moving uncontrollably under his body he grows impatient and his alpha instincts kick in, putting with undeniably force both your wrists above your head and growls, the signal he’s giving you to submit, the air in the bedroom changing its way.

“Pretty girls know how to wait and to obey their alphas, I already told you I was sorry puppy and remember that I don’t fucking owe apologies to anyone, if I knew this wasn’t important I would have told them to fuck up, you should know your place baby, but good news for you, I’m feeling like even though you have been a little bit of a bad girl you deserve to remember me all over this pretty skin while I’m gone, isn’t that what my puppy wanted, huh?”

He manhandles you until you’re comfortably seated en his strong tights, holding his gaze you can see all the things he wants you to know, all that shit that cannot be said, all the things that are not expressed in a good way by putting them into words, so instead you will use your bond and body.

“Sit on my dick slow baby, make it hurt so you have something to remember, get yourself full of my pups”

And you do as you are told, you slip right where you belong to, starting to bounce yourself slow and hard but even though it feels like heaven you feel like you’re going to die because he doesn’t touch you, he is just watching.

“Touch me please or I’m going to hit you hard”

He laughs but you know he's holding back the urge to order you around.

“I love when my little girl turns all bossy”

You wiggle your hips not exactly knowing where to look but what makes you let out a loud moan of his name is the way he thrusts his incredible hips harder than you had planned, tip of his touching the spongy spot that makes you meet god in person.

“If I’m not gonna have you for a while at least show me that fierce side of you one more time baby, gods above, look at you, bouncing tits and pretty face with an even prettier voice filling my ears of pretty sounds, fuck puppy, turn around and see yourself on the mirror”

You tell him to wait a second because you want to remember him like this, beneath your body and that playful smirk but when you do turn a little your face to see the image that bites back at you is incredible, you even smile don’t exactly recognizing you but looking damn hot on top of your man. You can’t with the feelings so the first thing that comes to your mind is to grab a hold of some of his beautiful locks of hair and tug hard, enough for him to gain some more lustful rage and suddenly slam you in the mirror that both of you were looking a moment ago with such excitement, what brings you back to reality of the pleasure that does nothing but increase is the manly hand grabbing at your jaw, making it open slightly, enough for him to spit on it. And you fucking love it.

“That’s a good mate baby, swallow it all and show me”

All this time he hasn’t stopped that sinful hips of his so at this time it’s starting to hurt and you begin to loose all your grips but you now that he will catch you anyways.

All you are feeling is incredible, you fell full, satisfied. Your throat feels hoarse but it doesn’t matter as you held gazes once again, but it’s the whole moment, your own bubble. Watching his pretty eyes you realize that you have won in live, entirely.

“You don’t have a fucking idea of how bad I want to mount you everywhere until I know you are really pregnant, hell baby I love you so fucking much”

He is right in front of your face, both of your moths open but your not kissing, now he’s the one grabbing your hair into a fist but he can do whatever he wants with you right now and all you will say is thank you.

You’re both touching the finish lines and it’s then that you wonder if this is how it will always be, hot, sweaty and just incredible.

He kiss you right at the final, where both of you have reached the peak, smiling at each other like fools but entirely living the dream.

[...]

You know that Jungkook told you to not leave the room until he was back but you were really hungry and needing some fresh air, so knowing that maybe everyone was serving him in that meeting you dared to head for the nearest kitchen to just grab something and come back. You are happy when no one approach you on the way, focusing on the task to make you a quick drink and cut up some fruit.

You feel happy and complete, at ease with the environment despite missing your alpha a bit, but your clothes and body still smell like him so that’s something for now. That’s the same reason why you don’t hear the pretty and stealthy she-wolf approaching the kitchen, watching you closely.

“It stinks in here, you must have had a very good night young lady”

You jump a little because you are not supposed to see anybody in the sensitive state in which you now find yourself.

“Sorry, I wasn’t supposed to be here”

You murmured your words shyly so low that if it were not for the incredible senses of the lycanthrope body, the girl would have miss it.

She chuckles lightly and by her smell you know that she is a rare breed of a female alpha, but right now every smell its simply too much, almost unpleasant.

“No worries baby, no one else is here but me”

She is a little intimidating to be honest and It’s evident that she knows clearly what to do to get what she wants.

“I should… Probably go”

You try to rush towards the exit in order to feel protected inside the four walls where everything smells like Jungkook but just as you are about to walk through the door the pretty girl grabs you a little hard enough to make you let out a whimper. And it’s that exact moment that lets you know that something is awfully wrong, that you should have never left the room.

“Where are you going?, let me talk to you for a moment, I never had the pleasure of knowing you formally”

You know that she can her your heart beating uncontrollably and smell the fear mixed with nerves.

“Don’t be scared pretty thing just wanted to chat with you”

There’s something strange in her, something that you can’t quite put your finger on.

“This shouldn’t be happening, I’m sorry but I really should get back to-”

While interrupting you she is also forcing you to sit on the small benches that are situated in the kitchen only to bring you to a full state of discomfort and nervousness.

“Is Jungkook really into you honey?”

The sudden questions makes you blink twice and hold a breath, this seems like a pointless conversation, she didn’t even try to do some more small talk .

“Pardon…?”

“Oh my, was I too direct?”

You still don’t see the clarity of the conversation because to your eyes she looks like a lunatic, asking questions about of nowhere.

“Honey, it’s just… Have you never heard what is whispered around the pack, about him and the pretty girl of the Kim pack or even worse… The boy with the deadly beauty from the Park family”

You do have heard the rumors, they were too strong when you were younger and more naive.

“I’m afraid that… I can’t help you with anything, I should really go…”

She puts his body in front of yours so that both of her arms are locked on the wall behind you, blocking any way out.

“Damn, just listen to me for a fucking second, I thought that you knew what was best for you”

You sit still because her harsh words came out more like an alpha command and you just couldn’t fight your true nature.

“Good girl”

You would never imagined that such a mundane phrase would disgust you so much.

“I know you don’t like me wolfie but I have been very well aware of the second thoughts that run at full speed in your little head about the bond that you share with that man”

if you had one wish, you would ask to disappear from this awful situation, if only you had listened to your alpha…

“I don’t understand what you want from me, please just let me go, I’m not going to tell Jungkook”

The female alpha just laughs a little, like you have said to her the funniest thing ever.

“He and I are at the same rank honey and of course you will not tell him anything, I have something that might interest you.”

Your posture is defensive but when she says that she backs a little and you take the opportunity to relax only little bit, a new look of curiosity in your angelic and innocent features.

“I don’t want to upset you honey but look at yourself for a second and tell me if you see yourself as the perfect representation of a good mate for someone like him”

She can easily see the insecurity cross your features because if anything has been bothering you since you found out about the bond it is that.

“I have the perfect solution to all of your concerns baby, there’s someone far more suited to take your place. Look at your neck, he hasn’t even marked you, but really, don’t worry and don’t overthink it, he will be in good hands. I know someone who can make the arrangements, all safe and of course you will be having a far more suited alpha”

It’s really stupid, but you actually think about it, as if all the previous moments with him didn't matter. At the end of the day all you're looking for is his well-being and happiness, isn't it?

People are going to talk, that's for sure, but you could assure him better commentaries and a better future, even if it's not by your side, but what will happen with the few moments that both of you have shared?

“In case you were wondering… No, you will not remember, everything will be gone as soon as the bond is broken. Just think about it for a second, remember all your insecurities and the bad feelings while being his mate, that must be annoying, let yourself be happy, both of you”

You are deep in your thoughts so you miss the way her canines grow in size and that dangerous gleam in her eyes.

“I… I’ll do it”

Call yourself a fool, but that tempting offer was enough for you to maybe, just maybe get yourself a better life, but above all a better life and opportunities for him… Or at least that was what your insecure brain thought.

Tag list: @min-nicoleee, @in-a-way-that-i-should-not, @imluckybitches, @teresaisla, @anachikartadze, @jeonwiixard, @seagulljjk

Nexts update: ?

All rights reserved.

[handsomelyhiddleston]

The Nanny - Tom Hiddleston x Curvy Reader - PART 2 (smut)

“How long has this been going on?” Elsa asked, the two of you lounging on the couch while the kids were napping.

“I wasn’t aware anything was going on until yesterday” you answered, blushing as you told Hemsworth’s wife about your plans to stay with Tom over the short break.

“Well, if you ask Chris he’ll tell you he’s always known, but I was the first one to call it.” She gave you a smug look.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!” you threw your arms up. “Would have been nice to know I actually had a chance.”

“You didn’t tell me you fancied him!” Elsa laughed. You both heard India start scooting down the stairs one by one.

“Doesn’t everybody?” you smirked, standing to go grab India. “Half the time I’m certain your husband has a crush on him.”

“Oh, he does.” Elsa laughed, following you up the stairs.

You and Elsa got the kids fed and dressed so she could visit Chris with the kids on set.

“You may as well bring your bag now” she suggested. “You can just go home with him when he’s done filming.”

You took a deep breath, thinking through what you should even pack.

“Are you nervous?” she asked, telling India to put her shoes on.

“I’m…I don’t know. This doesn’t feel real.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“I’ve been watching it happen for over a year, Y/n. It’s real. Now, living with someone makes you privy to certain details about each other that you otherwise wouldn’t know…I don’t snoop, but our laundry has crossed paths a few times…so when I tell you to wear the black lace lingerie, take my advice.” She winked, going to put India’s shoes on the correct feet.

When you all arrived at the set, the guys were in the middle of filming. You and Elsa sat back and watched them work through the choreography of a scene for about 20 minutes before a break was called.

“Do you mind watching the boys while I take India over to Chris?” Elsa asked.

“Not at all” you smiled and waved her off. You were sat on a bench and the twins were sat on the floor at your feet, so they could play with their blocks.

When Chris saw Elsa, his face lit up like a child’s. He ran off of the sound stage to meet her halfway. You spotted Tom looking around the room until he made eye contact with you, smiling and waving. When he passed Elsa and Chris, Elsa pulled him into a hug. It was obvious she was talking about you because she literally pointed while Tom ducked his head like they were teasing him. Tom continued towards you, joining you on the bench by the boys.  

“How is filming going?” you asked, resting your hand on his thigh.

“Today has actually been a lot of fun” he answered, putting his arm around your shoulders. “I am, however, incredibly sore from all of the choreography. We’ve been shooting fight scenes all day and I think every bit of me has been whacked or stepped on at least once.”

You ran your hand up and down his thigh, looking up at him. “You sound like you need a massage.”

“Are you offering, darling?” Tom’s voice sounded a tad husky and his eyes dropped to your lips for a split second.

“Oh, I would love to get my hands on you” you teased before he dipped down to press a slow, lingering kiss to your lips.

“Come on, boys” Elsa called as she walked towards her twins.

Chris teased the two of you. “Really? In front of the children?”

“Be nice” Elsa scolded him.

“Or what?” he laughed, throwing the boys blocks into their bag and picking up Sasha. Elsa turned and gave him a knowing look. Chris nodded and replied, “Yes ma’am.”

“You are officially off duty” Elsa said, picking Tristan up.

You snuggled into Tom’s side a bit and sighed before hearing him say “I’ll take good care of her, I promise.”

When it was time for Tom to head to the make-up trailer to get out of costume, he grabbed your hand and took you with him. When they removed his wig and handed him make-up wipes, you started pulling out the bobby pins and combing your fingers through his hair. Dragging your nails gently over his scalp had him practically purring in your hands. “Better?”

“That feels amazing” he replied, his eyes shut and the make-up wipes forgotten.

“Finish up” you said, kissing his temple and grabbing the dirty make-up wipes from him to throw them in the trash.

“Eager, are we?” he teased, continuing to remove the stage make-up after the make-up artist left the trailer.

You watched him scrub the last bits of Loki away, a soft fond smile on your face. “For you?” He turned to face you. “Let’s just say I’ve probably been thinking about it a lot longer than you have.”

Tom stood up and threw the rest of the dirty face wipes away. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“I don’t know, I think everyone fell in love with you in Thor.” You replied.

“It doesn’t count if I hadn’t met you yet.” He laughed, gathering his things.

Picking up your bag, you turned to leave the trailer. “We met like, what? A year later?”

“That Christmas, actually.” Tom answered, following you out of the trailer. “You had already moved in with Chris and Elsa. She was just starting to really show her baby bump.”

“The party.” You said, nodding in agreement. “I remember. I felt like a massive fangirl when Chris introduced us.”

“Far from it” Tom answered, pulling your bag’s strap off your shoulder to carry your bag. “First, you looked incredible. You had on black and burgundy and I’m certain I spent an inappropriate amount of time looking at your ass.”

You laughed, remembering the dress. You felt like Morticia Addams with more cushion for the pushin’.

“Second, you were so confident. Every other person I met that night just wanted to talk about gossip or getting Botox or they’d ask me to do an impersonation. You asked me questions. Meaningful questions. You actually had opinions of your own when I asked about your favorite writers and films and such.”

You could feel yourself falling more and more the longer he went on. “I didn’t know you had such a high opinion of me.” You said, watching Tom put the bags in his car.

“Admittedly, I should have told you sooner.” He replied, coming around the car to open your door for you. When he climbed into the driver’s seat and buckled up, he continued. “But I am absolutely looking forward to making up for lost time” he said, leaning across the console to kiss you.

You stopped and grabbed food to take back to Tom’s. The two of you ate and had a few beers while lounging on his couch. It all felt very…normal? Comfortable. You were snuggled into his chest listening to him talk about how Hemsworth had broken three separate props today when you remembered what he had said about being sore.

When you went to pull away from Tom, he tightened his arm. “Darling, if you’re standing up to clean up the dinner mess, I will personally see to it that I find some way of punishing you during your stay.” You watched Tom lick his lips as he awaited your reply.

“While I know that I would enjoy every second of whatever you consider punishment, I was actually going to tell you to take your clothes off.” You smirked, watching his lips part and his eyes widen.

You stood and grabbed the trash from dinner, swaying your hips as you walked towards the kitchen trash can. “Hey!” Tom laughed, sitting upright on the couch. “Were you just trying to distract me?”

You walked back in the room with a bottle of lotion in your hands. “Why are you still dressed?” you teased him.

“I’d be at a disadvantage if I were the only one undressed” he replied, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get me naked soon enough” you laughed, kneeling by the couch. “Lose the pants and lay down on your stomach.”

“I’m never going to catch up if you keep spoiling me.” Tom stood and unbuttoned his jeans.

“What is that supposed to mean?” you asked, your eyes glued to Tom’s body.

Tom loved that you seemed to get just as distracted by him as he was by you. “Y/n, you’re always the one taking care of everybody. Constantly.” He tossed his jeans to the side, standing in front of your kneeling form.

“Well, isn’t that just the pot calling the kettle black” you said, patting the couch and telling him to lay down. After warming some lotion in your hands, you ran them slowly but firmly up Tom’s back. “Tom, you’re always the first person to help.” Tom moaned, pressing his face into the cushion to quiet the noise. “You are always checking on me or helping with the kids or…”

“Well, I’ve been trying to show you how I feel, but it’s hard when you don’t need anything, and you don’t accept anyone’s help.” Tom interrupted you. “Oh, fuck me” he moaned, turning and laughing into the cushion. You were working on a knot in his muscles near his shoulder and you just got it to loosen up. “It’s really hard to have a serious conversation while you’re eliciting very sexual noises from me.”

“I’m actually enjoying this.” You smirked, starting to work on another knot.

“Well, what I’m trying to say…*moan*…is that I don’t want you feeling like you HAVE to do anything for me…*Oh god, whatever you just did felt amazing*…I want you to feel taken care of too.” Tom’s very heartfelt sentiment was spoken between groans, moans, and swear words.

“Sweetheart, I do things for people because I want to” you said, moving down his back towards his ass. “Just like you do and just like Elsa and Chris do. It’s not a competition. I’m not keeping score.” You were kneading your thumbs into Tom’s hip and thigh muscles.

Tom tried to sneakily adjust his growing issue between himself and the couch, but you saw. With your hands all over him, he was having a hard time not letting his mind wander. “If that’s true then you just have to accept that I want to do things for you too.”

“I think I can allow it.” You started working your way back up his thighs, when he reached back and grabbed one of your hands.

“This feels incredible, but if you keep touching me, I’m just going to get more and more turned on.” He turned to sit on the couch with a throw pillow covering his lap.

“And?” you said, still kneeling by the couch. You ran your hands up Tom’s thighs, your finger teasing at the band of his briefs.

Chucking the pillow to the floor, he leaned forward and pulled you into a rough kiss. “Take your clothes off.”

“Gladly.” You stood, pulling your shirt off and unbuttoning your jeans. Turning around so that Tom got a great view, you bent over and slid your jeans down your legs. When you turned around, you saw Tom palming himself as his eyes took in the black lace bralette and thong.

“Wherever you bought that set…we’re getting more of them.” Tom said, stripping off his last item of clothing before leaning forward and slipping his fingers into the waist of your thong. “You look unbelievably sexy.”

Tom made you feel like a goddess. He dragged your panties down your legs, letting you step out of them. When he leaned back you saw just how endowed Tom was. He saw you lick your lips and smirked.

Leaning back on the couch with his legs spread, Tom patted his thighs and started stroking his manhood. “Come here, gorgeous. That is, if you can handle me.”

While you were slipping out of your bralette, you teased back. “Are you sure you can handle me?”

“Sweetheart, I know that you’re a lot of woman…I know what I’m getting myself into” he said, still admiring your body… “and I am going to lick, touch, or suck every part of you before you leave this apartment.”

Placing your knees on the outside of Tom’s legs, you straddled his lap, letting him pull you into a rough kiss. His hands found their way to your ass, and then your breasts, and then your hips as he pulled you tight against his torso. “There is a condom in that drawer” he pointed to the small table by the couch.

“I’m on birth control…” you said, waiting for his response.

“Then it’s up to you” Tom answered, still wanting you to set that boundary.

You connected your lips in another kiss. “We don’t need it.”

Tom slid his hand between you two and ran the tip of his hardness up and down your dripping slit. “Jesus Christ, Y/n.” Tom brought his wet fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean. “Mmm, so sweet. Glad to know I’ve got you as hot and bothered as you have me.”

You dragged your tongue along Tom’s bottom lip, asking permission to deepen the kiss. When his tongue ran over yours you could taste yourself in the kiss.

“I can’t wait anymore. Please.” You said, your hands roaming Tom’s perfect chest.

Tom pushed into you in one smooth motion, digging his fingers into your hips, “Ride me.”

You put your hands on the back of the couch and started moving, feeling him move his hips in rhythm with you. “Oh, fuck” you moaned, throwing your head back.

Tom buried his face in your chest, sucking love marks into the tender skin there. “God, you feel incredible.”

When Tom shifted a bit and hit your G spot, you could have sworn you saw stars. You grabbed his face and begged him to do it again.

Tom looked cocky, absolutely obsessed with making you fall apart. “Like this?” he said, roughly hitting the same spot a few times in a row.

“Tom!” you moaned his name, your fingers finding their way into his hair as you crashed your lips against his.

Tom could feel you clenching around him, your legs starting to shake. “Can you cum for me, baby?” He was ready to burst, himself.

You couldn’t form words. Your hands moved to your breasts, absentmindedly playing with your nipples as your orgasm built.

“You look luscious, y/n.” Tom gripped your hips, holding you in place as he franticly thrusted into you. “I’m gonna…”

Tom’s snap into overdrive tipped you right over the edge. Your bodies glistened with sweat and Tom’s hair was mussed from your idle hands. As you came down from your temporary highs, Tom kept running his hands up and down your sides, kissing your temple and then your shoulder and then your cheek.

When he pulled out of you, you groaned and tucked your face into his neck.

“Don’t worry, my sweet. There’s plenty more where that came from.” Tom held you against his chest, feeling both of your breathing level back out.

When you thought you could actually move again, you sat up and pulled him into a gentle kiss. “Mmm…thank you.” You said against his lips.

“Let’s go get cleaned up, darling.” Tom held your hands as you stood.

“Lead the way.” You smirked, waiting for Tom to walk ahead of you. When he did, you couldn’t help but smack his amazing ass.

“Is that your way of telling me you want to be spanked?” Tom quipped, grabbing a stack of towels and taking them to the bathroom.

You laughed and then stood there thinking about what he had asked. *mmm Tom’s hands* *I mean, he did tell me he would punish me for cleaning up dinner* *Oh god, thinking about him being rough is turning me on all over again*

You were thinking it through when he popped his head back around the corner. “Might I suggest you have your dirty thoughts in the shower so we don’t run out of hot water.”

You shook your head, ending your daydream and looking at the adorable face staring back at you. You walked towards him, going on your tip-toes to give him a quick kiss. “Spanking is a yes.”

Tom laughed, walking with you to the shower. “We should probably try a bit of everything, if I’m being honest. It’s good to try new things.”

Your eyes went wide. “You only have two days off work.”

Tom pulled you to his chest, under the water. “My sweet, we’ve got the rest of our lives.”

[aleksa-sims]

 My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction

Well, what can I say? The pictures speak for themselves. 🤷‍♀️  I was only in the bathroom for a short moment and when I came back, I saw P. & Natasha! 😞 I know, I did a lot of crap too, but not THIS! And I will not put up with shit like this! No one’s ever done this to me before!  I was totally shocked and hurt. And Idk why, but I was terrified. Probably from the pain I had when Nico left? This time when N. left me, was one of the worst experiences I’ve had and I just knew, that I would not be able to endure this a second time! Although Nico didn’t hurt me as much as Philip did! I mean, at the time!! I didn’t know what would happen to me in just a few months with N.! This was even crazier and I got pregnant, as you know. 😕 🤷‍♀️ But back to P....

After that fight he and I had, I just walked out of his room. There was this one bar/common room, where I was yesterday with him, so I went there. Actually, I just wanted to buy something to eat, but instead, I met Natasha.💁‍♀️ Natasha studied law there. But she didn’t live on that campus/dorm. She had her own apartment in Vienna. Idk how she could afford this, but I think she had dates with older, rich men.🤨 You could say, she was a sugar babe. That’s at least how I understood it when she told me. And besides, I didn’t give a shit anyway. I just didn’t want to talk to her. She noticed my dismissive attitude towards her and acted as if she was totally offended by me. Like she’s such an important person, and I should be grateful, for her paying attention to me. You know? 🤨 😠

Me: I’m not interested in your life story! You’re nobody important or anyone who interests me, so why do you even want to talk to me? I’m not a drooling geezer who’s gonna pay you for your company.🤨

Natasha: I see you’re a totally rude person! 😦 💁‍♀️

Me: Yeah! Just piss off! I’m tired of being nice and friendly to everyone all the time! But one question! Philip isn’t rich, so why were you out with him?

Natasha:  Philip is someone who doesn’t have to buy me gifts, to spend time with. He is totally hot! And he was so cute that one day. I mean sad, and I had a feeling, he needed a friend.

Me: I’m getting sick! I have to go to the bathroom......😞

While I was away, Philip came and when I came back, I saw him and this Natasha talking. Like she was whispering to him. And suddenly they kissed. This all happened so fast. I can’t really tell how it happened. I just saw, what I saw! They kissed. 😭 It only took a few seconds, probably because I showed up and interrupted them??

I was totally shocked! I didn’t know what to do? I just felt my body getting ice cold. I wanted to run away and never come back to Philip. I hated him so much in that moment and at the same time, I would have wanted to die right there  because I did not want to feel this terrible feeling. That he doesn’t want me anymore and wants to be with someone else.💔 😢

When Philip saw me, he pushed Natasha away and approached me. His look was confused and sad, as if he had been surprised because I reacted the way I just.........reacted. 🤷‍♀️  I mean, what did he expect? That I’m going to giggle or join in maybe? But I think he thought I’m going to get really angry like he did, just a few min ago, when I got that fucking text from Z..

Philip: A.! Wait!... Please STOP!......  I didn’t want this! At least not that she’s going to kiss me. When I saw you come back, I just wanted to tease you. No, I’m sorry! I wanted to hurt you, like you hurt me.😔

Me: Just..... I DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!! 😠....😢

Philip: He touched you! I saw it! I just wanted to hit on her a bit. I didn’t know she was gonna.... come at me like this and kiss me. I swear, this is not what I planned or wanted 🤦‍♂️.......... Why don’t you yell at me now? 😔 Pls, just say something. 

Me: Stay away from me and don’t touch me!

Philip: Come on, let’s just go to my room and talk about everything.

Me: No! I’ve had enough of talking or discussing with you. I’m sick & tired of fighting and....you! I wish I had never come here. 😭

Philip: Don’t say this, A.! 😟 I told you, when I get back home, you and I will start our new lives together. That’s why I was so mad at you, when that fucking dick texted you. He calls you babe and writes about your soft skin. 🙁 🤦‍♂️

Me: My soft skin? He said I’m a fucking pillow!! 😦 🤷‍♀️ .....  He didn’t really lie on me or use me as a..... pillow. He leaned on me when we got out of his car. and said, that I’m like a cozy, soft pillow. He was high! You got it now???

Philip: 😔 😔.......I’m sorry!

Me: You ruined everything! .....I don’t know if I can forgive you? And for me, it looked like you enjoyed it. I hate you! 😭 😭 😭

Philip: I didn’t!

Me: I have to get out of here!  And just stay away from me! You understand? 😠

Philip: But-... where are you going all alone? 🤷‍♂️  You don’t know this place! 😧

Me: You left me alone at the airport, too! So just fuck off. 😠

I left! I called my sister and told her everything. Ana tried to calm me down. She advised me not to do anything rash and that I should talk to him. Besides, I have a whole night to spend here before I can fly back. My sister was so worried about me. 😞 😭 She wanted to know exactly where I was and what this place was called. She was afraid I’d get lost or  screw up. I think she wanted to call Philip and tell him where I was, so he wouldn’t let me walk around a strange town on my own. 

When I finished my conversation with Ana, I was in a beautiful park. There was such a huge fountain. I was so fascinated by this place and this environment. So I stayed there to think. There were so many tourists around me who took pictures of this beautiful fountain and this one castle which was there. I think it was the Prince Eugene Castle. So beautiful! I could hear an Italian couple talking about me. The woman said to her husband, “see this sad girl at the fountain with her pretty dress.” I want to take a picture of her.” The man said that she had to ask me first, before taking a picture of me. I turned my gaze away from the water and looked over at them and said, she could take a pic of me. I don’t give a fuck anyway. And I kind of liked them. Because they spoke Italian. The nice woman was a bit embarrassed when she noticed that I understood her. After taking her picture, she came up to me and asked me, if I was okay? She said I look like someone broke my heart. I just nodded.😞  When she and her husband left, I thought of Nico, who now lives in Italy. Was this maybe a sign or something? I mean, right here, after Philip hurt me, this Italian couple, took a pic of me. Because I was so sad. Kind of crazy! I wondered if it was a mistake to let N. go to stay with Philip. But I loved P......and N., too! Still, at that time, I really loved Philip more than Nico, but I didn’t forget him. 💙 

Slowly it became dark without me noticing until this park became quite empty. Philip called me a couple of times, but I didn’t answer. Since I became a bit paranoid, I went back to him. Where else would I go? I don’t know anybody here, and my flight won’t leave until tomorrow night. I felt so lonely and abandoned. 😔

Previous / Next

Start

[kirishoshego]

Moneypulated PT.2//Aizawa

!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY!!!

Special thanks to Emmie for creating this awesome S&M event and letting me participate and those who requested a part two of my first Aizawa piece x

If you like Sadism and Masochism, BNHA; AOT and Haikyuu the event is definitely for you :)

Pairing: Sadist!Mob-Boss!Dom!Aizawa x Masochist!Sub!femreader Words:3.2+

Summary: When your life is threatened Aizawa realized just how important you are to him. A small fight leaves you bend over the couch, cross eyes and leads to him admitting his feelings for you.

TW: slight mention of torture (a bit more at the end), s&m, controlling Aizawa, calling him sir, knife play (no blood), slight ass and nipple play, orgasm denial, slight oral, biting, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, slight bit of degration and teasing

Three month, three weeks and three days. That’s how long it took you to develop positive feelings for him. He gave you everything, but privacy, something you had to learn rather quick because that man was strong and even though he doesn’t look like it, heavy. You told him no twice. The first time left you bruised for at least three days, fucked into oblivion. The second time left you sobbing from his impact play. You hated how little you could control your body, dripping wet before he slipped into you. Something he would love to taunt you with. „Always so quiet and modest. Yet here you are begging to be fucked by a criminal after he spanked you blue and green. Don’t tell me you like that. Tsk, dirty girl,“ he told you with a slight smirk on his face, one hand having a strong hold in your hair to hold you up so he could look at you. The other one pinched and played with clit, milking orgasm after orgasm.

He knew how to work his charm, knew how to impress you. Listened, remembered basically every detail about you. Aizawa wanted to know everything about you, from childhood memories to teenage drama to your goals and dreams. Of course he was genially interested in you, after all he wanted you at his side, but it was also helpful to know one or too secrets. Just in case. It was understandable that he was a bit shocked and also even more alarmed when Shota noticed how fast you adapted to the captive state of yours. There was no attempt of you running away, either because you knew it wouldn’t work with guards everywhere around you, or because you were afraid. So he tested it out. Gave you a car, told you to go enjoy yourself, get pampered for a surprise he had prepared.

First thing you did was getting new underwear because as much as you… appreciated him buying it for you you would like to have a few comfortable pieces that cover more than 3 inches of your skin. You stopped to get a nice drink at a small restaurant, got a small snack before you ended up buying four new plants. A smile creeped up on his face when his phone signaled him he got a new message from Shinso. Attached to it was a picture of you smiling while picking up the most sad looking flower he had ever seen.

It happened while driving back. You realized happiness started to form in your stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Excitement about showing him what you had bought. How could you be happy? After how he treated you in front of so many men, so many strangers. But then again he took care of a man who had sold you for his addiction. You knew he was in the hospital right now, after trying to enter the casino again. At first you thought he was there to get you, to show at least some sort of remorse. Even though their boss told them not to tell you those details Denki let it slip that Kirishima caught him gambling. With that your last string of attachment ripped apart. It wasn’t hard to choose between being left alone with nothing or a slightly questionable man who (as much as you would like to deny it) made you feel good, save and wanted.

That day was the first time he took you to the casino with him, introduced you to a part of his world. The one that was less brutal. He wouldn’t not let you see someone getting tortured. But he knew how gruesome it can get and even though he wouldn’t tell anyone, he threw up after his first time, felt sick the first five. It just made it so much easier to get people to talk. Or make them stop. Sometimes they need to be taught a lesson or too to not put their noses in his businesses.

Rumors started to spread around fast after your first appearance. Shota Aizawa has a trophy wife. Something that made him weak. A pretty one on top of that and she was supposed to be his little lucky charm. Every table you appeared at, the house would win. You didn’t play yourself, you only sat besides your... Well, besides the mob boss himself.

There was no explanation for it really, it wasn’t luck per se. It was math. Some liked math in school, some didn’t. What you liked more though was winning. And games like these were hard to predict, but not impossible. Another aspect were their faces. Everyone focused on their face and those of others, tried to keep cool while detecting a mistake of others that they forgot about other limbs. Some tapped their fingers against the table or cards, others would play with their drink, swirling the ice cubes around without touching it. Some bounced their legs, crossed them, scratched them. Once you caught their mistake it was over for them.

While some got scared because of it, others seemed to find a challenge in it. They wanted to beat you. How could you know that one night you will have the son of another mob boss on the table? He was supposed to be a spy, simply collect information about you and leave. But the opportunity to beat you and therefor Aizawa was too alluring. How could he know that he will lose almost 33 Million yen in one night? And with those 33 Million yen came a big target right on your back.

In less than 24 hours a collection of pictures and informations about you was delivered to Peony. In less than 24 hours your world was turned upside down yet again. The freedom you were given was taken away in order to protect you. His worry for you was understandable but when he decided to have Bakugo and Kirishima on your heels 24/7 you had enough.

--------------------------------------------

„I’m inside the house! The house has walls almost thrice as high as Kirishima’s 7 foot frame, a massive garden with six well trained guard dogs running around. You have the best alarm system there is on the market and still I’m not even allowed to use the bathroom in private. It’s humiliating,“ you explained to him angrily. „I would rather humiliate you than pick up your dead body limp by limp,“ he tried reasoning. „Do you even hear yourself? How can you say something like that? Do you not trust your men? I can defend myself! Eijiro has-„ suddenly you went quiet, realizing too late what gravitating mistake you just that you had just exposed yourself.

„Eijiro has what? Continue doll. I‘m all ears,“ he leaned back against his desk, crossing his arms over his in a black shirt clad chest. „We shouldn‘t be changing the subject now. I need-," „What you need is to tell me what Kirishima did,“ you wouldn‘t be so on edge if he yelled at you, screaming at the top of his lungs, slam his hand on the desk, anything. Instead he was dangerously calm, collected, ready for you to make the next step. Knowing you were trapped like a small mouse between a wall and an awaiting cat, only playing with its fear.

„I will tell you if you promise me he isn‘t going to suffer any consequences. He had no ill intentions,“ you started explaining, making a step forward and trying to look as timid as possible so he will show mercy. „You actually think you‘re in a position to negotiate? Oh darling, it is breaking my heart a tiny bit to see you’re underestimating me,“ he faked a pained expression before closing the gab between the two of you.

You knew better than to relax yourself into his touch as he caressed your cheek, planting a small kiss on your forehead.

„Now,“ Aizawa stood behind you within a second, your wrists in his hand behind your back, something cold against your neck. „Please continue before I lose the small amount of patience that is left inside of me,” he sounded threatening, his voice deep and raspy, mouth dangerously close to your ear lobe. The knife near your aorta send adrenaline through your whole body, your pussy pulsing as you caught sight of your current position in his window.

You noticed his eyes wandering over the curves of your body, as the sound heavy breathing hit your ear. It seems like he was holding back, but be the looks of it all he wanted to do was drag the knife along your clothes and watch it drop to the floor. It wasn’t on purpose, more or less, but your hand brushed against his crotch, hearing him hiss as you touched his hard length for a mere second. The grip on the red handle tightened, pulling your body into his and leading your hand back to his crotch.

Eyes met in the window as he licked his lips. He tilted your head back slightly with the tip of the sharp blade, kissing the spot behind your ear.

„Sorry kitten, but this isn’t the time to play,“ he whispered into your ear while you started massaging him through his suit pants. A smirk appeared on your face as you agreed with him ‚oh I know, sir‘ you basically purred. Within seconds you pulled yourself away from him with your whole strength, bowing as he went to grab your hair and kicking back into his stomach as you turned which send him to the floor as he stumbled. Grabbing the knife from his hand and dropping onto his hips as you held the knife to his throat.

„Eijiro taught me how to defend myself, so I don’t have creepy old men all over me,“ you told him, a sudden wisp of a moan leaving your throat as he grabbed your hips and ground his pelvis against yours. „I didn’t know I’m a creepy old man. Wasn’t it just yesterday that you begged me to stuff you? And wasn’t it you that screamed my name so the whole house could hear who fucks you ‚like a god‘? Hm… I must confuse you with someone else that came cross eyed all over me considering I don’t play with brats,“ as the last word left his mouth he flipped you around, turning you so your stomach was flat against the freshly cleaned floor, hand in between your shoulder blades to hold you down.

He thanked the sun for shining so brightly and the clouds for not appearing, considering it lead to you dressed in the shortest little sundress you could find in your closet. The color suited you so damn well and the dress made it so easy for him to uncover your ass. His hungry eyes starred at it in its full glory, feeling his rock hard cock to twitch in his pants.

The blade was dragged across your skin and he could have fucked you right then and there as he noticed how you tried to clench your legs, goose bumps appearing on your skin. „Don’t tell me you enjoy this, such a dirty girl,“ he stopped right at the hem of your underwear, dragging the flat side across your clit and earning another moan of yours. He chuckled, „I see.“

Suddenly the blade was back at your throat, his other hand massaging your ass. „If you try to move or forget to thank me I might have to use the sharp side next time and we don’t want that do we doll?“ Shota asked you, the tip slightly pressed onto your sweet spot as you took to long to reply for his liking. „No sir,“ your voice was slightly shaky as the anticipation inside of you grew. „Not so tough anymore, thought so,“ he loved your submissive state, every time he thought he went too far you were there dripping wet for him.

Without a warning his hand came down hard on your ass, massaging your cheek before disappearing again. „Thank you sir,“ you moaned, the next slap delivered right after. „Thank you sir,“ you said again, feeling our wetness slowly seeping through the thin fabric covering your cunt. Every once in a while he would dip his fingers between your folds, playing with your clit until you’re about to cum, only to stop and spank you again.

Once your ass was a bright red and noticeable handprints adorned your flesh he decided he had enough. The last few thank you’s gave away that you started crying softly, maybe slightly caused by the pain, but more at fault definitely were the denied orgasms.

„Had time to overthink your statement from earlier?“ Aizawa went down to your ass, pushing your panties to the side and dragging his tongue across your slit, dipping inside for a second to collect some of your juice. Kisses were plastered across your abused skin, bitting down onto it to hear you moan again.

„I give you ten seconds to go over to my couch, get undressed and bend over it,“ if you weren’t so incredibly needy right now you might even had begged for some more spanks.

You could hear him get undressed as you did the same, back turned to him to allow him a nice view on your behind.

You could feel his presence even before he touched you, the smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat hitting your nose. Rough hands collided with your ass once more, before wandering up your back, one finding its way into your hair, the other one holding his thick girth in his hand and dragging it from your clit to your hole. You whined as you noticed him going back down again with his tip, which lead to him plunging into your throbbing pussy all at once. Curses tumbled from the both of you, finally getting what you wanted.

Shota pulled you up by your hair, allowing his hand to play with chest. Cold metal came in contact with your nipples and only now did you realize that he had brought the knife with him. It took maybe a minute for your first orgasm to hit, considering the ones you were denied earlier had you on edge already. „Done already kitten? Does that mean you want me to stop?“ He knew it meant everything but. It’s just, having you beg for more gets him every time and he can’t deny how powerful it made him feel, which he needed now more than ever. „No, fuck. Please sir, need mo-oh, more,“ a moan cut through you as a single thrust hit your g-spot directly.

„Take it then,“ he pulled you down with him on the couch, his back against the backrest as you straddled his legs. Do to the new position his cock was even deeper than before and you were shaking with almost every bounce as you went up and down on him. Black eyes wandered from your face to your tits to your cunt, watching him disappear inside of you over and over again. Aizawa’s arms wandered from its resting place back to your body, one going to your back, the other one staying in the front.

You hissed, eyes growing wide as you felt rough fingers circling your puckering hole, while the other ones drew lazy patterns on your clit. Every now and then he would meet your movements, burying himself even deeper inside of you. By now you were a moaning mess, clenching around him as you could feel another knot building up in the pit of your stomach. „It’s alright, I got you. You can cum, I know you want to,“ Shota groaned, picking up the speed of his fingers and watching in pure bliss as you came undone once again, slowing down and pulling you into a deep kiss.

As you went to get up from him, your body now sensitive he grabbed your hips, pushing you down again. „Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean you get to control when we’re done,“ he said, delivering a harsh slip to the left side of your tits, before grabbing your throat and pushing you down into the mating press. „You have to remember your place doll. I get decide when we’re finished and I’m not done yet,“ he grunted, snapping his hips as the hand around you held you in place firmly. A warning slap heated up your tears stained cheek when you tried to wiggle away from him and he felt you clenching around his dick.

You looked so good with mascara running down your face, he thought, feeling himself getting closer and closer as you moaned his name like some sort of prayer. „Again, please,“ you said, feeling the third high coming. It took him a second to understand what you asked for, but when it finally clicked he cursed under his breath, telling you how perfect you are. As he slapped you again, holding your face in his hand and kissing your lips hotly you were holding onto his arm for dear life. Stars appeared in front your eyes as you came once again. You barely noticed anything but his thrusts turning sloppy before he released himself inside of you, buried deep and painting your insides white.

„I didn’t know pain turned you on so much,“ he said with a lazy smile on his face, looking down on your face, your embarrassed expression hardly hidden. „Me neither to be honest… You know how it went in the past,“ you hinted at your unsatisfied sex life with your ex husband, who thought doggy style was already pretty kinky. No shame to vanilla people, but now you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. „It’s good to know, we will test out more things in the future,“ the thought of it turned you on again already and you kissed his chest, letting him know you like the sound of that idea.

„I love you, you know?“ He mumbled as the two of you laid on the couch while drawing patterns on your back lazily. Your heart skipped a bit, this was the first time Aizawa mentioned his feelings for you. „You don’t gotta say it back, I know it’s all a bit messy,“ he said, kissing your forehead. „No, it’s just… After sex the mind is always bit-,“ „Yours might be after that but mine is as clear as ever,“ he cut you off, making you roll your eyes and laugh gently. „I love you too,“ it was mumbled, almost unnoticeable, but he heard you just fine which was all he needed.

————————————- Extra—————————————-

„I run this town. Piss me off again and your wife will find out about your little affair with your little lover boy. She’s pregnant, right? And you would like to be able to care for her don’t you? If so, I suggest you to never threaten my wife or my men ever again. It won’t just be your finger that I cut off, understood?“ He knew killing him off immediately will only cause war. He would win, of course, but it would be unnecessary and taking too much of his energy. „Yes Mister Aizawa,“ the hatred and fear in his eyes pleased him enough for the day, so he walked out of the room, ordering Bakugo to drop him off a few miles away from everyone. A nice nightly walk might clear his head he explained so the man bound to the chair could hear him just fine. „Don’t worry, I will let you keep your finger, but you should hurry, they turn bad fast,“ with that he went into the dark, ready to get home to you.

©kirishoshego//do not repost on any plattforms

[kwonhoshi0]

𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 | h.c

navigation | requests : open | 5th february 2021

pairing : midoriya, bakugou, todoroki x gn!reader [separate]

genre : angst to fluff

warnings : season 3 spoilers, violence, eating, drinks

themes : heartbreak, idiocy, violence

: since the training camp you had been a target for the league of villains you fought hard to get your classmate back and that made you an instant target since you showed how powerful you can be but that also means no one can know about your relationship with [ - ], if they did that would be mean he’s also a target and the thought of that terrified you, so it’s for the best.. right.

> quirk : telekinesis | eleven stranger things |

[ midoriya ]

> it was no secret that you’re powerful

> deku trained with you a lot so he knew what you were capable of

> he was the one who truly let you embrace your quirk praising you

> he always told you he’s proud of you afterwards

> so when you told him you couldn’t be with him anymore he was devastated

-> scenario

> you had been thinking about the threat of the lov and how much they wanted to get rid of you, it’s a matter of time before people catch you going to cafes and on dates with the green haired boy, since you were getting more publicity each time a villain attacked it was difficult sneaking around

> breaking up with deku never once crossed your mind, only for his safety, he was already a target but they don’t know he’s all mights successor so you’re still a lot more targeted but if the lov found out you’re dating? you could only imagine the worst

> you knocked on his door, he opened it with a smile on his face as usual ‘hey baby’ he pulled you into a hug, noticing you trying not to hug him back he looked at your face ‘hey is something wrong?’

> you were trying so hard to keep a straight face, to make this hurt as much as possible so he wouldn’t come back, you knew if he tried to get you back you wouldn’t be able to resist

> ‘izuku..’ you paused breathing in, ‘we can’t be together anymore’ he looked at you for a couple seconds before breaking out in a laugh, ‘ very funny, don’t say things like that!, we need to finish that series we were watching..wait-’

> your face hadn’t changed, the only different being the small beads forming under your eyes, ‘you’re being serious?’ he said with a shaky voice, his eyes were slightly shiny tears threatening to form, his entire face fell

> ‘i’m sorry’ was all you said before you attempted to leave only being stopped by his hand ‘midoriya let go-’

> ‘not until you tell me why, y/n we’re so happy, you were happy yesterday and now you’re saying you don’t want this anymore? what happened, you told me you loved me, was that a lie’

> you tried so so hard not to sob yelling how much you love him right there but you already started crying

> ‘y-you’re crying, why would you be crying if you don’t care about me, if you didn’t care you would’ve left minutes ago so why’

> ‘izuku i couldn’t keep putting you in fucking danger it’s driving me insane, we can’t go out to eat without worrying someone will recognise us and hunt you down, i need you to be safe and this is the only way’ you pulled your arm away from him wiping away the tears on your cheeks

> he pulled you back towards him his nose touching yours, you didn’t push him away, he took his thumb swiping it across your cheek wiping it of the fresh tears

> ‘then we’ll deal with it together, not apart’

[ bakugou ]

> he knew how you felt because everytime aizawa mentioned being targeted he couldn’t help but notice you not looking at him or glancing at him as much

> you comforted him after each nightmare or any doubts he had after he got kidnapped

> whispering to him while he layed in your arms ‘bakugou you are the strongest person i know, you can’t blame yourself for anything, nobody blames you, they never have’

> you were his comfort, his teddybear

-> scenario

> the last few days you had been distant from him which didn’t make him worry much since you’re both busy sometimes and you both understood that

> but when you refused to look at him and gave him short answers after class he got worried

> ‘y/n, what the fuck is happening’ you couldn’t look him in the eyes

> you put on your best straight face and said ‘bakugou we can’t be together’

> there was silence for a couple seconds

> ‘teddy bear..’

> it hurt, it hurt so bad seeing him upset over you, you couldn’t even comfort him, so you left

> you sat with the dekusquad afraid of running into him and sobbing

> after you left he stood there for a couple seconds, he wiped away a couple tears forming as all the memories of you flashed through his head in a second, he held the necklace you got together, a promise necklace

> he sat at his normal table not talking to anyone only glancing at you, you weren’t talking to anyone either, not even touching the food in front of you

> after a couple minutes you got up and grabbed your bag after the many protests from todoroki and midoriya telling you to eat

> mina saw you getting up ‘hey bakugou is y/n okay?’ he only ignored her watching as you hurried off to what seemed to be the girls bathrooms, mina followed after you. he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t worried

> ‘y/n?.. wait are you okay, come out of the toilets’ she watched as you slowly came out with puffy under eyes and teary eyes ‘oh my god y/n what happened’, you explained everything, how you broke up with him because of how dangerous it was being with him, how he would be safer without you

> ‘y/n i’ve never seen bakugou happier then when he’s with you, if things are meant to be with you two then things will work out, i promise’

> you both walked back to class only to see him and a couple students already there, you weren’t planning on going back to lesson saying you’re injured but you knew aizawa would’ve sent you to recovery girl only for there be nothing to recover from

> you sat in your seat trying your hardest not to cry or move or even glance at him

> he watched you every couple seconds, eyes softening when he noticed a tear drop from your eyes watching as you quickly wiped them away sitting up straight

> he knew you love him but he doesn’t know why you left him

> a couple days past and he couldn’t help but notice how puffy your eyes looked

> he missed you, a lot and his nightmares had increased in the last 3 days

> you did everything to avoid him

> but finally you had to talk to eachother because aizawa paired you up, you asked aizawa if you could swap ‘y/n you and bakugou are great training partners, plus he doesn’t hurt you enough to send you to recovery girl like he does others’

> you sighed walking to your designated training area

> you didn’t want to hurt him more than you have emotionally this past week so you barely tried

> ‘you’re not trying’ he states, you looked up at him regretting it instantly seeing his eyebags and crimson eyes, not twinkling as they usually do

> ‘sorry’ you said quickly getting ready to dodge again

> ‘for what’... ‘huh?’.. ‘what are you sorry for’ he said searching your eyes for an answer

> ‘everything’.. ‘y/n that’s not a fucking answer’ frustrated he walked over to you pulling out a necklace that hid under his shirt

> ‘we got these as a fucking promise, a promise we would always be here, are you even wearing yours’ his hand reached over to your neck, his eyes lit up for a second when he realised you were still wearing it

> ‘i know you still love me, so why the fuck-’

> ‘bakugou you’re in constant fucking danger because of me, we can’t do anything together without having to worry, i want you to find someone that you can be in a normal relationship with, not someone who can’t even go outside with you without fearing the worst’ you let a couple tears slip out wiping them away as fast a they came

> ‘don’t be fucking stupid come here’ he pulled you towards him engulfing you in his scent which you missed greatly, ‘dumbass, we make these fuckin decisions together, which means you have to deal with me, we aren’t breaking up over some stupid villains alright’

> you held him tighter than you have before

> he made sure that for now you order take out rather than going out to eat and when you do go outside you made sure to wear masks and go with some of your classmates

> he does all of this because he loves you that much and he cares that much

[ todoroki ]

> you pined over eachother for months before todoroki had the courage to talk to you

> the conversations always flowed really well and there was no awkward pauses thinking of what to say

> you fit with eachother like a puzzle piece

> since you’re the first person he’s felt this way about you had to, show him affection and how it w o r k s?

> like when you hug him he doesn’t understand why people like hugging until you do it, he feels warm and safe in your arms and he now understands why he sees people hugging a lot

> when you first kissed it was like sparks and fireworks were going off around you, you didn’t plan on kissing him then but you had just hugged him so he was close and you looked up at him as he looked down at you smiling a little, with that you closed the space between you pressing your lips to his

> your relationship since then has been a comfortable and safe relationship for you both, that was until the training camp incident when you realised how much danger you were really putting todoroki in

> aizawa was talking to you in the staff room about the safety precautions you had to take and how you have to be careful with your relationship with todoroki

> a part of you was hoping he’d say you have to break up for safety reasons but he knows you don’t want that, even if it was for the best

> todoroki is going to be an amazing hero who will save thousands of lives and you could be the undoing of that future

> so you had to do it

-> scenario

> ‘hey love, what are we doing outside’ you were stood outside the dorms, you wanted to tell him here just so no one would interrupt

> ‘i uhm..’ this is a lot harder than you thought

> you looked at your feet refusing to look into his eyes knowing you’d breakdown

> ‘todoroki i can’t do this.. anymore’ 

> ‘can’t do what?’ when you didn’t look at him again he realised

> ‘what.. what happened baby we were normal yesterday did i do something wrong?’ you ignored him shifting your feet a little

> ‘do you not love me anymore’ it broke your heart that he thought that, you’re doing this because you love him not because you don’t .. but you had to say this to get him away

> ‘i..no i don’t’

> refusing to look at his face you ran back in tears falling down your cheeks as you ignored your friends asking if you’re okay and shut yourself in your room

> no more laying on his chest while you talk about random things at 3am, no more feeding him soba and no more holding hands running in the rain

> it was all too good to be true and now it’s over

> the next couple weeks you wanted to see him, check how he was doing but you couldn’t so you stuck to quick glances, sometimes you met his eyes in the process cursing at yourself

> your friends noticed you were off, ochako midoriya and iida asked why you weren’t hanging out with them

> you didn’t want to cause todoroki more pain so you hung out with the bakusquad so todoroki could stick with his friends without it being awkward

> you’re already friends with some of the bakusquad but you just didn’t hang out with them as much

> ‘y/n why do you look so.. lifeless’ denki asked you, you would usually be happy to talk to people and be playful but recently you had just stared at your food and soba only to be reminded of him

> ‘i don’t know’ you lied, your friends were worried about you

> todoroki was good at hiding things, he was a lot happier with you smiling while with you and around you but now he doesn’t have you

> a part of you thought he was over it already but you knew that was just you overthinking it

> ‘you know what, we should have a class movie night !, mopey you’re coming’ you looked at mina for a second before realising you’re who she’s talking to

> ‘mopey’ you raised a brow, ‘yeah you haven’t been yourself lately we want the old y/n back!! ..you haven’t even gamed with us’ kirishima spoke up making you smile sadly

> and then you realised todoroki probably won’t be at the movie night since he only went because of you ‘okay, ill go’

> that night you sat inbetween denki and bakugou scrolling through your phone while the dekubakusquad picked a movie

> ‘hey dumbass, why’d you look so fuckin dead’

> ‘not sure’.... ‘that’s bullshit’ he responded staring at his own phone

> ‘mhm’ was all you could say before the movie started

> as you looked up you realised todoroki was sitting in front of you

> how were you going to get through this..

> the movie begun and you quickly realised it was one of your favourite movies, it was the movie that you and todoroki had your first kiss watching

> clearing your head of these thoughts you carried on watching

> half an hour later it got to the part where the guy finally kisses his crush and you felt tears in your eyes, holding them back as you remembered todoroki kissing you during this scene

> you felt someone move from in front of you, your eyes widening as todoroki took your arm pulling you up close to him

> ‘what are you-’

> ‘y/n i chose this movie because i wanted to be able to do this again’ he cupped your cheeks smashing his lips to yours, you couldn’t pull away this is all you wanted and missed

> as you both pulled away he said ‘i know you don’t love me but i want to help you learn to love me again and i prom-’ you cut him off as you felt guilt bubble up inside of you remembering what you said

> ‘i lied.. i said that i didn’t love you because i needed you to leave, i broke up with you because of the target, i can’t have someone finding out about us and using you and hurting you as a way to get to me i would be taking away your chance at becoming a great hero, i can’t do that it’s selfish’

> he looked at you as the sides of his lips curled up in a small smile

> ‘a part of me should be mad at you for breaking up with me because of hero stuff but i understand, i’m relieved you love me, i love you and you love me that’s why we’re going to be careful and make this work’

A/N :

pain only pain, why do i do this

taglist : @blazedbakugou @todoroki-shoto-is-life @luluwiie

[ehbeeseedih]

Lost a bet - positions

Prompt:

So you lost a bet and posted that you wanted to try out some sex positions and were looking for volunteers. As soon as you were allowed, you were going to go delete it, but then you looked at the replies. Who said they wanted to do each one with you?

How it works:

Go to “Random.org”.

Click on “Lists & More” and then “Lists Randomised”.

Enter the names of 18+ people/characters.

Use the first 10 to find out who volunteered for each one.

PS: This is my first time posting on tumblr so the sizes of things, font and all those kinda things might be a little wacky, but I’ll try to fix it afterwards. 

You can check out my other stories at AFF.  Now, enjoy reading 10 bad smuts to fulfill your daily bad smuts quota.  

Oh yeah nearly forgot, thanks to @existslikepristin​ for the tag.

Rosé - Missionary

“Everything I need is on the ground.” 

The music ends, the ending pose done, everyone claps. Today is the last day of practice before Rosé’s solo debut tomorrow afternoon. 

You went to the showers in the dance studio after debriefing. A cold shower does wonders for relieving body ache after intense practice sessions. 

As you prepared to leave the studio, you saw Rosé still practicing by herself, wearing the tight short skirt outfit she’s about to perform in tomorrow. 

Rosé bent forward as the music reached the chorus, her safety shorts failed to adequately cover up her butt cheeks as they came into your view. Your pants abruptly got tight at the sight. 

You desperately try to divert your attention as Rosé caught you staring at her. Instead of calling  you out about it, she began twerking harder, letting her plump butt freely bounce in front of you. 

“Like what you’re seeing?”

“Yes…..” You shyly replied

“Well I could use some releasing, haven’t had a cock for a while.” 

She lowered her skirt and panties in a single stroke, “How you like that?” 

“Huh?”

“I mean how would you like to fuck me?” 

“Missionary please, I’d like to see your face.” 

She lays down on the floor and spreads her legs wide, “Vanilla huh, I like it. I’m already on the ground, what are you waiting for?” 

You’ve finally realised the true meaning of “Everything I need is on the ground”. Let’s just hope that both of you won’t be too tired to perform tomorrow. 

Doggy - IU

Having a bubbly and needy girlfriend like Jieun can be both a blessing and a curse. 

The blessing, a very fulfilling sex life, anytime and anywhere. 

The curse, it’s hard to reject her when she wants them but you don’t. Her aegyos and delicate moans were like cheat codes that made you do whatever she told you to. 

In the present, you’re faced with two very major problems you had to deal with. On one hand, you had a report and 2 proposal you needed to turn in by tomorrow

On the other hand, you had a needy girlfriend who’s willing to do anything to get you to fuck her. 

Jieun had been doing everything she could to get you off work and pay attention to her. She started with strip tease, lap dance, progressing to slowly jerking you off and giving you a messy blowjob. 

You had nearly given up, a few moans escaped your mouth, but in the end you were still working, and Jieun was also still working. She released your cock from her mouth and went to the bed.

Immediately, you heard sounds of wet flesh and Jieun’s soft moans. 

“Ahhhh, why are you still working? You could be here balls deep in me. Ahhhhh, it would be better if it’s your giant cock inside me instead of my slim finger.” 

That nearly tempted you off. Your cock was growing hard again, your hand slowly stroking it along to the beat of Jieun’s moans. 

“Look at me!” She shouted. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have looked. The moment you turn your head, there is no going back.

Jieun was on all fours, her fingers in her pussy slowly pumping off. 

“Come fuck your little slut. Look at how wet I am for you.” 

Magnetized by her pussy, you gave up work and went over and grabbed her hips.

“You nasty little slut, distracting me from doing actual work. Now let me punish you.” 

“Oh yeah, punish your little slut. Fill her with your cum and send her to heaven.”

Suffice to say your bosses were not impressed when you said you had to take care of your pet yesterday and couldn’t finish your work.  

Cow girl - Jessica

Why are you in a 5 star hotel again? Oh yeah, you were at a family gathering with your wife Jessica. 

But why does she look so mad? Did you piss her off doing something stupid again? 

“Do you know why I’m mad right now?”

“No……” A ringing slap on your left cheek. 

“Please explain why were you fucking my sister during the family gathering?” 

Oh yeah, now you remember. Krystal was seducing you during dinner, which ended up with you getting caught by Jessica while cumming inside Krystal in their family house bathroom. 

“Well……. Krystal was seducing me, and you did say it’s ok to touch your sister right?” A ringing slap on your right cheek. 

“I said only when I’m not available. I was prepared to give you a surprise but you decided to be a bad boy.” 

Jessica took off her bathrobe and revealed the red lacy lingerie underneath it. 

Red - the ultimate colour of seduction. Jessica certainly knew how to get you fired up. Luckily for you, you too knew how to get her fired up. 

Hug her hips, hand on her butt, face in front of her pussy “I’m sorry mommy, I have been a bad boy, please forgive me.” 

“Ahhhh” Jessica moaned and pushed you down onto the bed hard. “You’ve been a really bad boy. Now let me ride you.” 

“Yes. Please mommy.” 

69 - Miyeon

“Hey Miyeon, look at me! I’m sliding down the slide upside down.” 

She ignored you. 

Miyeon had been acting all weird today. Like she was pretty weird normally but today even more so. 

She told you she wanted to do something fun today, and then she brought you out to a playground in the middle of nowhere. 

Was she going through nostalgia and wanted to relive her childhood? That doesn’t seem like it. She had been looking around scanning the area ever since you got here. What was she looking for, there’s nothing and no one in the vicinity. 

“Hey baby, what are you doing?” 

She approaches you with a smirk and grabs your crotch, gently rubbing it. 

“Baby, I told you I want to do something fun right. Let’s fuck right here. Nobody is watching.”

“What…….” Before you could speak, Miyeon had unzipped your pants and started sucking your already hard cock.

“Can you at least let me sit upright first?” 

“No, 69 is part of the fun. Now shut up and eat my pussy.” 

“You’re one kinky girl Miyeon.” 

Downward dog - Shuhua

You loved your job as a yoga instructor, and having your classes famous among idols is a huge reason for it.

It started out with Yerin and your extra sessions. Apparently she liked it so much that she introduced Joy to join your extra sessions too.

Since then, idols had been coming so frequently that you’ve had to space out the appointments as your body couldn’t keep up with the number of sessions. 

Last week it was Yves and Chuu and this week it will be Shuhua.

“Hi Shuhua, how are you feeling today?”

“Great, just a bit stiff. I’ll need some help with stretching later, maybe your pole can be handy.”

“Alright, do you want to start off slow or go straight to the extra sessions.” 

“Be fast please, I’m impatient.” 

“Alright then, let’s start off with the downward dog pose. Put your hand on the floor and raise your hips up.” 

“Good, looks like you have been following my advice and putting in extra work. Your thighs look very meaty.” 

“I’ve been doing a lot of leg work recently.” 

“I’ll message your butt and help you relax your muscles.” 

“It feels great, please don’t stop.” 

“What is this Shuhua, why is there a wet spot in between your thighs?” 

“Ahhh, don’t tease me please.” 

“Oh no, no panties. You’re a naughty student. Let me punish you.”

“Yes please, use your cock to help me stretch out my thigh pussy.” 

Side saddle - Yuju

Some come to the beach for the relieving feeling, some for the tan, some for the sea breeze. But you’re here for the bikinis and tiddies. 

Sitting under your beach umbrella, you can usually see a whole beach of beauties enjoying themselves. But not today. 

The beach is desolate today, not much to see. Just the occasional family with nothing impressive, not the usual group of eye candies. 

The weather is beginning to turn and you prepare to abort. Just as you’re about to leave, you spot a lady sporting a red bikini slowly approaching from afar, heading towards your direction.

As she nears, you observe her fit body, her abs and her beautiful appearance. 

“Hey, why are you here at the beach?”

“I came here for a walk. But it seems like the weather today is not cooperative.” 

“That’s unfortunate, maybe we can do something together to create some memories and remedy that.”

She scans your body. Instinctively, you flex up your abs.

“Alright, but we do it my way.”

She sits on top of your crotch which starts pumping up with blood. You scan around for one more time to ensure no one is watching.

While you scout, Yuju is busy relieving your cock from your pants and inserting it through her bikini bottom. 

She begins bouncing on you slowly. The cold winds contrasted with the interior warmth of her pussy, heightening the experience. 

Some come to the beach for the relieving feeling, some for the bikini and tiddies. But you’re here for the fuck. 

Throat Swab - Jiho

A rich heiress by the name of Jiho has recently come under your radar. Her mansion was outside of the town and she lives really lowkey. 

Made a rough survey of her mansion, it seems relatively lightly guarded given her wealth. No one except her servants went in and out of the mansion, not even Jiho herself had left the mansion throughout the few days. 

Clock struck 12, sneaked into the mansion from the back door without anyone noticing

Circling around the mansion, surprised by how empty it is inside given the luxurious exterior. The heiress living inside must be pretty lonely. 

Made your way to the master bedroom. Jiho sleeping elegantly in her princess themed bed. 

Tied her up on her bed with ropes

Ransacked her mansion, took away many valuables. Heard a loud scream from the master bedroom 

With lightning speed, headed to the source of the sound. Found Jiho struggling with her hands tied up

“What are you doing, let me go.” 

“Shut up you nasty bi*** “ Placed your palm on her face to quiet her.

Instead of resisting, Jiho surprisingly licked your palm in a circular motion, her eyes telling you of her desire

Stuck your fingers into her mouth and she dutifully sucked it with vigour.

“You’re a needy little slut I see. You’re being kidnapped and yet you’re sucking my fingers” 

“It has been a long time since I've seen a man. It’s natural to be needy.” 

Released her, knowing she won’t run away. Brought her to the edge of the bed with her head hanging from the bed. 

“I still need to keep you quiet, maybe I should stuff your mouth with my cock”

“Please fuck my mouth, please.” 

Pearly Gates - Arin

You’ve always thought Arin was the good girl type. The type that would be shy about sex. 

However, after a date started off with her sucking you off in the car, feet playing with your cock under the restaurant table, ass grinding on your crotch in an elevator and her hand guiding yours while touching her pussy in the cinema, you threw away all your dumb assumptions. 

After a libidinous date, you came home utterly exhausted and immediately fell into your bed. 

As you slowly dozed off to dreamland, Arin crashes on top of you, waking you up. 

Instinctively you moved your hand to embrace her whilst both of you gradually drifted into slumber. 

Your legs suddenly felt numb and a need to move them. Finding your legs trapped under Arin’s legs, the only way to move them was to spread out her legs.

Your legs slowly spreaded Arin’s legs out and you heard a barely audible moan from her. 

Arin turned around with a soft smile and raspy voice “You still got juice to try out a new position?” and began grinding her posterior on you to get you in the mood again.

You quickly moved to remove the bottoms for the both of you “What’s this new position you’re talking about?” 

“It’s called pearly gates, I learned it from reading a smut challenge.” 

She impaled herself on your cock from above as you felt her being more tight in this position 

The sex was great, and lucky for you Arin did not eat much for dinner.

Stand and Carry - Minju

“Ha, you suck at Mario Kart.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you won. What do you want?” 

“Carry me to the ice cream shop.” 

“Can’t you walk yourself? You’re heavy, you know.” Despite bickering, you willingly bent down and told Minju to get on your back. 

However, she refused and insisted on being carried on the front. 

Minju wrapped her legs around your waist and you felt her moist core pushed up against your crotch. 

“No panties?” 

“Shut up, just go.” 

You’re sure she already felt it but your cock was rock hard and bulging out after knowing your girlfriend’s kinky behavior. 

As you carried her towards the store, every little movement and vibration of a step caused your clothed bulge to rub against Minju’s bare pussy. 

Minju tried her best to hold back her moans but occasionally some slipped out which attracted the attention of people nearby. 

Not only do you have to deal with the weird glances from the passersby, but also your internal desire to fuck Minju then and there.  

At the last 100 meters, Minju’s soft moans suddenly became a deep groan, her whole body gripped on yours as she orgasms. A gush of fluid wettens your pants on the crotch area. 

Just as Minju recovered from her bliss, you spotted an empty alley and headed there. 

Making quick work of your pants with Minju still hanging on you, you swiftly inserted your cock into her drenched pussy. 

Guess she won’t have a clean skirt to go home with. 

Spooning - Taeyeon

*This one is a little long

After watching Aladdin at the cinema, you headed home alone. 

Windy, starry night, with roads empty due to the cold weather. You enjoyed this lonely feeling, it was what you’re used to after all. It brought peace to your mind, away from the loneliness in your shack, away from the judging eyes of society. 

All was good until a shady looking fella approached from the opposite direction. He was carrying a big gunny bag behind him, panting. It must’ve been heavy. 

At first glance, you would’ve assumed him to be a murderer, carrying a fresh corpse behind him. 

He approaches you and tells you hastily “Do you want a body pillow? It has a really beautiful lady on it.”

Totally weirded out. “No thanks, I have no use for it.”

“Just take it, bye.” He dumped the bag onto you, the weight of the bag bringing you down to the ground. He’s nowhere to be seen after you stood back up, disappeared into the wind. 

Not wanting to be fined for random disposal of garbage, you carried the gunny bag home. The road home was an ascend, filled with potholes and untamed bushes, fitting for the blighted part of town you live in. Those combined with your fat figure made you pant the whole way home. 

You carried the gunny bag home and opened the thing inside. Well at least he wasn’t lying when he said it had a beautiful lady on it at least. 

Beauty is relative, but the woman on the pillow was undoubtedly a good view for the eye, especially when compared to your face which only your mum could love.

The day was a long one for you. You were prepared to go to bed by then. Instead of throwing it away, you just hugged the body pillow and went to sleep. 

Sleeping naked, you wanted to rub the magic lamp before sleeping, but ultimately decided against it. Whilst falling asleep, you subconsciously rubbed the body pillow a few times, its material comfy enough to not become trash. 

Suddenly a weird smoke came out from the body pillow followed by a bright glow of light. 

You were temporarily blinded but when you regained vision you saw a fine lady in front of you. 

“Hi, my name is Taeyeon. I’m genie for you boy. Tell me your wish”

“Damn, I must’ve been way too absorbed in the movie to be dreaming like this.” You thought. 

“You’re not dreaming sir, I will fulfill 3 wishes of yours” 

Remembering how your life had been a family friendly film without any adult action scenes, more Spongebob than Fifty Shades of Grey, you’re not going to miss the dance to rectify that. 

“Well you do look quite hot, it won’t hurt to have a wet dream. I wish to fuck you while hugging you.” 

“Your wish is granted, Sir” 

Taeyeon slowly removed her clothes, her perky breasts bouncing out of her bra, her removal of panties unveiled her cleanly shaven pussy, all illuminated by moonlight shining on her fair skin. 

She snuck into your embrace, which wasn’t the most comfortable position due to your bloated size, but it still worked. Grabbing your adorably sized cock, she impaled herself onto your cock and started moving. 

Your sexual awakening felt incredible, Taeyeon’s pussy was tightly squeezing your cock. You couldn’t go very deep, and you felt sad about it. 

“I wish for you to praise me.” 

“Your wish is granted, Sir” 

Taeyeon’s moans went from soft squeaks to loud groans, her movement increasing in pace.

“Yes Sir, you fill me up so good.” Even though you knew she was just fulfilling your wish, you couldn’t help but feel proud of yourself for the first time in your life. 

With the encouragement boost, you began to thrust your dormant hips into her, in unison with her thrusting down. 

“Sir, why are you growing bigger. Ahhh” 

You’re growing bigger, that’s good to know. Your banging grows in strength to the point of moving the bed with you. 

Your neighbours would look down on you even more but you didn’t care. For the first time in forever, you’re doing something you like and you won’t let others disturb you. 

“Hghhhh, I’m cumming Sir.”

“Me too. AHhhh, let’s cum together.” 

Together, something you weren’t particularly familiar with. The orgasm was great, the sex was great, but even better was doing it with someone who enjoyed and appreciated you. 

“One more round?” 

“Sorry but I’m too tired sir, you fucked me too good.”

“Thanks for saying that but you don’t need to flatter me.”

“No I mean it sir, you’re the best one I’ve had.” 

Warmth filled your insides, not only did your first sex didn’t go down the drain, she even praised you for being good. Your vision was becoming blurry, but you’re sure it was sweat flowing from your forehead. 

“Alright then, good night Taeyeon.”

“Good night Sir”

As you awaken the next morning, Taeyeon’s morning visuals stunned you. You haven’t had the chance to properly see how she looked but now that you did, she was gorgeous. 

At the same time, Taeyeon also woke up from her sleep. 

“Last night was incredible Sir. You were so good.” Her compliment made you replay the scene from yesterday. It had been a long time since anyone had said you’re good at anything. 

“That reminds me, you have one more wish Sir, please make the most out of it.”

“What will happen to you once I make my last wish? Will you just disappear? Will last night just be another sweet memory that I’ll forever replay in my mind?” Tears were beginning to form as you’re about to go back to the lonely dark self after experiencing how good things could’ve been. 

“Unfortunately. Yes Sir.” 

An idea suddenly struck you,  “What if I wish for you to stay with me forever?” 

“Your wish will always be fulfilled Sir.” 

“I wish for you to stay with me forever.” 

“Your wish is granted, Sir” 

With that, another burst of light blinded you and you’re left alone in your room again, back to square one. Why did you think that you could escape this lonely life destined for you?

One day as you’re going back home from another movie, you saw someone carrying a gunny bag.

The scene felt awfully familiar. You approached the person and realised it was a girl this time around.

“Hi, my name is Taeyeon. I’m from the Girls Generation Genie Team. We work to grant the wishes of all lonely kids in the area. Could you help me with this bag of supplies?” 

“Yes! Yes!” 

Maybe being a lonely kid wasn’t so bad afterall. 

A/N: Thanks for reading. Hope you’ve enjoyed it. Feel free to tell me anything wrong or where I still need to improve. 

[holylulusworld]

Deafening Silence

Summary: Steve and you are falling apart. Can you save your marriage?

Pairing: Nomad!Steve x fem!Reader

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sharon Carter (mentioned), Tony Stark

Warnings: angst, language, unrequited love?, arguments, you and Steve go through a rough patch in your relationship, regrets, a hint of fluff, pissed reader, sadness

A/N: Not Endgame compliant. No one died, everyone is still alive and kicking.

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

Another cold night awaits you. Once upon a time you and Steve were undefeatable and, to be honest, sickening in love. Now you lie on the edge of the bed, try to not get too close to your husband as he always finds an excuse to not hold you in his arms any longer.

Tears well up to your eyes hearing him snore lightly next to you. Wondering if he’s losing sleep lately too but the way he peacefully sleeps tells you, he’s not letting his mind run wild.

“No sleep for me again, I guess,” silently leaving the bed you grasp one of his shirts to press it to your nose. It’s the only time you can catch his scent, so you take what you get. “Sleep well, Stevie. You don’t seem to have problems falling asleep.”

As so often lately, you walk out of the bedroom to grab a snack or watch nonsense on TV to take your mind of the problems right in front of you. Somewhere on the line you and Steve lost your love, or you lost Steve. You haven’t found out yet.

All you know is that the deafening silence between you and your husband is breaking you every day more.

“Can’t find sleep?” Bucky asks, watching you sit on one of the chairs in the kitchen. Steve invited his friend to sleep a few weeks at your guestroom as his apartment got blown up by one of New Hydra’s goons.

“I just-“ you bite your tongue, shaking your head every so lightly. You like Bucky, he’s your friend, but you can’t talk about Steve with him. He’s your husband’s best friend and would side with Steve over anyone. “Sometimes I got problems to fall asleep, is all,” you lie poorly.

“What about Steve?” searching your face Bucky nods silently. He can see your red-rimmed eyes and hear your tiny sighs whenever Steve ignores your present. “Maybe you want hot cocoa? I can make you some, doll.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just sit here for a while, ya know,” playing with your wedding band you don’t meet Bucky’s gaze, fearing he’ll see through your lie. “I just got a lot of things going on right now. We are back, work with Tony and the others again. Maybe we just need time to adapt.”

“If I can help, tell me so,” offering a cracked smile you nod, knowing you can’t take Bucky up to his offer. “You’re my friend too. How about we watch a movie and talk a bit?”

“I appreciate your offer, but I’m not in the mood to talk, Bucky,” sadly you are too tired and emotionally exhausted to even talk about the thing weighing heavy on your heart.

“Y/N,” walking toward Bucky places one hand onto your shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Just talk to him, doll. Steve loves you and-“ you huff. It’s the first reaction he gets from you making clear you are hurt. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, him,” voice cracking you watch Bucky rummage in your kitchen to prepare cocoa for you. 

“You went through a lot together over the last years,” Bucky begins, eyes drifting toward you slumped in your chair. “Ultron, the accords, me,” you laugh when Bucky gives you a wink. “I know, I’m the most charming event rocking the boat but then there was the war between the Avengers, Thanos, the blip, and after that-”

“Steve told me he thought about going back to Peggy for a split-second, that life back then was easier and more-“ you try to find the right words but fail. “All I got was that he’s still a man out of time and that he’s sorry for considering going back.”

“Well, shit-“ Bucky grumbles. “I didn’t know, I swear. Here I stand, believing I know everything about my friend,” you shrug, watching Bucky prepare two mugs. “Did he at least apologize?”

“He did, more than once and I forgave, but never forgot,” sniffing you look at Bucky. “Since then, he started to distance himself from me. I feel like he regrets coming back to me, Bucky.” gasping you realize you just revealed your thoughts.

“Doll...”

“Please don’t tell him. I know Steve is a good man, but sometimes I think it would be easier for me if he just does what he has on his mind for months – file for divorce.”

“Anything from Steve?” watching Bucky check his phone you sigh deeply. Steve disappeared this morning, out of the blue. “Why didn’t he tell us about his mission? He always told me about his missions, confidential or not.”

“I got nothing either, doll,” grumbling Bucky sit on the couch, scrolling through his contacts. “Shall I call Tony or Natasha? Maybe they can fill us in why Stevie just grabbed a bag and left without telling us about his mission.”

“No,” biting your lower lip you wreck your brain. Maybe Steve did tell you about his mission? Lately, you are too lost in thoughts and self-doubts and barely listen if Steve finally talks to you. “I have work to do at the new tower. I will ask Tony if he can tell me about Steve’s whereabouts.”

“Okay,” wondering again Bucky looks at his phone, shaking his head at Steve’s message from last night. 

“Steve is not on a mission?” gaping at Tony you try to hide you can hear your heart pounding in your ears. “I thought he went on a mission last night. Did I confuse the date?”

“There is no mission for Capsicle,” Tony snickers. “According to my information, he took a week off. Said something about sorting things out. Honestly, I didn’t listen.”

“O-okay,” you swallow thickly, force a smile on your lips hurting your face. “I got it wrong then. I finished my reports. You should check on the sidenotes about the bank accounts. Maybe E.D.I.T.H. can check on the accounts later.”

“Y/N, is everything alright? You look a little shaken up or something,” Tony watches you fiddle with your phone, knowing something must be off with you and your husband. “Do you need my help? You know that you can tell me anything.”

“It’s nothing, really,” the lie rolls easily off your tongue, you are used to lying to yourself for months so why not lying to your friends too. “I just need some time off, Tony.”

Aimlessly walking the streets of New York, you doubt your husband once again.

Tony said he’s not on a mission. All of your friends don’t know where he could be and Bucky, well he said Steve didn’t tell him anything.

“Where are you Steve?” looking at your phone you sigh deeply. “Fine, we will do it the hard way. E.D.I.T.H., please use the tracking app we put on Steve’s phone. I need to find Captain America. It’s an emergency.”

“Tracing Captain Rogers’ phone,” E.D.I.T.H. replies. “Captain Rogers’ phone is not far away. He’s at a café, P.J. Clarke’s on 55th and 3rd, agent Rogers. Can I help you with anything else?”

“No, thank you,” walking faster you grip your phone tightly. Why is Steve at a café at that time of the day? He never disappeared only to take a day off and sip coffee.

If a heart can shatter, yours does in the very moment you arrive at the café only to see Steve sit at a table with Sharon Carter.

You haven’t seen her for years, but you must admit, she looks great as always.

“Stevie,” you whisper, hands clutched tightly to your chest when Sharon places her hand onto Steve’s on the table and he doesn’t move his hand away. He smiles, even chuckles at something the woman says. “A Carter again, how pathetic. Fuck that. Fuck fighting for our love if you refuse to even try.”

Unbeknownst you saw him with Sharon your husband tries to ask his friend for advice. Missing your pained expression and the tears run down your face when you storm off.

“Doll! Fuck I was worried about you. Tony called, asked if you are okay. He said Steve is not on a mission and that he took a week off,” Bucky watches you storm into your and Steve’s apartment. “Y/N, something wrong?”

“Everything is wrong, Bucky. But from now on, I’ll take my life back in my hands,” you quip. “I would appreciate it if you could get me my ‘I hate early mornings mug’, I want to take it with me,” walking toward your bedroom you ignore Bucky follows you.

“What do you mean by taking it with you?” while you get two suitcases out, Bucky tries to make you talk to him. “Do you want to go on a mission? Why so many suitcases?”

“Oh, Stevie was busy to take a week off while I was worried about him,” you quip, opening your drawer to grab random clothes, tossing Steve’s onto the floor. “Imagine my surprise when I traced his phone only to find him with another Carter.”

“Sharon?” humming you neatly fold your clothes to place them into the first suitcase. “Did he-?”

“No, but I guess Steve is just not man enough to file for divorce to be with her,” glaring at Bucky you make your way back toward the wardrobe to grab more clothes. “While I tried to save our marriage, Steve sits in a café and allowed that woman touch his hand. He smiled at her Bucky. I didn’t get a smile from him for months.”

“Doll, you can’t just leave without talking to him,” Bucky tries to stop you, but you made up your mind. Before you met Steve, you were wild, feisty, and stubborn but he tamed you and your free spirit. “Wait, let me call him.”

“I tried to call him this morning and after I saw him with that woman,” slamming the first suitcase shut you glare at Bucky. “He didn’t answer. It was his last chance to explain things to me, Bucky. Now I’m done waiting for Steve to tell me it is over, we are over.”

“What’s that?” looking at a neatly folded letter on your bed Steve feels his chest tightening. Your wedding band lies abandoned on the letter, but you are nowhere to be found.

“She saw you with Sharon yesterday. I guess taking off a week to meet up with an old flame and ignoring your wife called you about ten times wasn’t the smartest plan,” Bucky shrugs. “I called you too.”

“I need time to figure things out,” Steve sits on the bed, pressing the wedding band in his hand to his chest. “We went through a rough patch and I didn’t know how to fix things between Y/N and me.”

“Not talking to her and getting all cozy with Sharon was a great idea,” gritting the words out Bucky watches his friend unfold the letter with shaking fingers. “Steve.”

“I-I just didn’t know if Y/N still wants me after I admitted that I was tempted to go back to Peggy. She was distant for a few weeks and then, she almost clang to me. As if Y/N tried to fake she forgave me,” reading the letter Steve sniffles silently. “Oh, god she wants to file for divorce.”

“What?” grasping for the letter Bucky reads the last lines you wrote.

‘As you aren’t man enough to tell me that you don’t love me anymore, I will tell you it’s over. You don’t have to be the bad guy, Captain. The papers will reach you soon. Have a great life with Sharon…’

“Do you know where she went, Bucky?” jumping up Steve looks for his keys, already grasping for his phone to call you back. “Buck!”

“She came here, packed two suitcases, and left. I tried to stop her, but she didn’t listen, Steve. I don’t think Y/N will call you back.”

“Then I’ll have to find her, no matter what…”

“A whole month!” Steve waltzes into your apartment, panting heavily. His hair longer again, a thick beard framing his face he wraps you in a hug. “I was so worried, doll. How could you just leave without a trace?”

“Didn’t think you would miss me, Steven,” using his full name on purpose, you smirk as Steve flinches. “I believed Sharon would soothe the pain and fill the tiny gap I left in your life.”

“Y/N,” mumbling your name Steve pecks your hair while his hands run up and down your back. “I swear, I’m not with Sharon and I don’t want her, doll. When you saw me with her, I gave her something Peggy left for me. It was the first step to give up my past.”

“You held hands, and you smiled at her, Steven. Don’t lie to me,” you push against his chest, try anything to break out of his embrace. “I’m not stupid nor blind.”

“She grasped for my hand as I gave her the medallion Peggy left me. I smiled as she thanked me, and we remembered the last days with Peggy. Y/N, please believe me there is nothing between me and Sharon,” Steve desperately tries to not let you slip out of his embrace, but you fight him with all your strength.

“That’s the reason you take a week off and instead of having dinner with me, you meet up with that woman. Your former girlfriend,” you growl, pushing against Steve’s chest. “I tried to fix us, and you just ran off.”

“I wanted to clear my mind,” Steve mumbles. “I was afraid you are still mad at me for admitting that I thought about going back in time for Peggy for a second. I’m bad at admitting my feelings. I was afraid to lose you and handled it the wrong way.”

“Pushing me away to keep me was a great plan,” you give up fighting Steve’s strength, hating he’s so much stronger than you are once again. “You hurt me and now you come here and want me to do what?”

“Please come home, doll,” pecking your forehead Steve mumbles apologies against your skin. “Your husband is an idiot when it comes to feelings. I love you, love you so much. We need to work on our marriage but please don’t give up on us.”

“Like you did months ago?” cursing under your breath you glare at Steve when he tries to kiss you. “Fixing things between us won’t be that easy, Steve. You hurt me with your behavior. If you want me to come back, you’ll have to do more than coming here and looking like the man I’ve missed.”

“I’ve missed you too, doll,” pecking your lips Steve slides his fingers through your hair. “Please come home and I’ll do anything you want me to do. Tell me how to fix us.”

“Maybe Bucky can give you advice,” you smirk, breaking out of Steve’s embrace to walk into your living room. “He’s a man who can talk with a woman.”

“When did Bucky talk to you? Doll?” while you check on your phone Steve starts to pace your living room. “Did he touch my girl?”

“Why would your best friend touch me, Stevie?” you coo. “I mean, Sharon only touched your hand, right. There is no reason for me to be mad. What if Bucky did the same or Tony? Maybe Sam hugged me a bit longer than necessary.”

“I will kill them,” Steve balls his hands into fists, stares daggers into the picture of you and the team. “Tell me who dared to touch my wife,” nostrils flaring, chest heaving up and down Steve points at the picture. 

“See,” you walk toward your husband, placing your hand onto his heart before you meet his gaze. “That’s how I felt when you let that woman touch you. You gave her my smile while you ignored me.”

“I didn’t ignore you; it was just-“ sighing Steve hangs his head low. “I get it, doll and I’m sorry. If you give me a chance to prove that I can be the man you deserve, I’ll try to do so every day from now on…”

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@sabascio​

@goodgodimaweirdperson​

@that-place-called-middle-earth​

@trumpettay​

@zxph-yr​

@belovedcherry​

@matsumama​

@rynabarnesrogers-reading​

@emoryhemsworth​

@buckybarnesplumwhore​

@wonderlandfandomkingdom​

@kitkatd7​

@coldmuffinbanditshoe​

@psych0crybaby

@princesssterek​

---------------------------------------------------------

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore​

@notyourtypicalrose​

@valsworldofcreativity​

@officialmarvelwhore​

@randomgirlkensy​

@juniorhuntersam​

@lumar014​

@doctorswife221b​

@sister-winchesters99​

@sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​

@the-soulofdevil​

@dayasvalkyrie​

@redroomproperty​

@natura1phenomenon​

@chaoticfiretaconerd​

@heartislubbingdubbing​

@hhiggs​

@sea040561​

@midnightsilver16830​

@rvgrsbrns​

@fandom-princess-forevermore​

@amandamdiehl​

@grincheveryday​

@thelostallycat​

@lunaticgurly​

@xxlikeheavenxx

@supernaturalwintersoldier​

@mrsdeanwinchester19​

@pandaxnienke​

@just-a-littlebit-of-everything​

@tdbooth​

@iloveshawnieboi​

@vicmc624​

@coffeebooksandfandom​

@mariaenchanted​

@rebekahdawkins​

@lady-pswrld​

@thinkaboutmara​

@notbrooklynsblog​

@bxnnywriting​

@demonicbusiness​

@melting-marmalade-moons

@introvertatitsfinest​

@notbrooklynsblog​

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Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@stylesismyhubs​

@multisuperfandom​

@mrspeacem1nusone​

@fallenoutofrose​

@rynabarnesrogers​

@denisemarieangelina​

@gabifernandessn​

@heyiamthatbitch​

@rosalynshields​

@inlovewithfictionalcharacters​

@patzammit​

@donutloverxo​

@saiyanprincessswanie​

@supernaturalwintersoldier​

@hinata7346​ 

@selen-o-phile​