#and with any luck live a long happy life surrounded by my loved ones

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's so funny that Cass worked past her suicidal ideation by actually dying, allowing herself to be murdered, and then being brought back, so she could be like "Hmm. Disappointing" and move on with her life satisfied. All for the sake of being the most badass she could possibly be. Like. On one hand, she achieved her goal and did indeed get more badass afterward. But on the other hand. Therapy exists. She probably didn't need to do that.

[justrainandcoffee]

Goodbye, my hopeless dream (Alfie x Tommy)

Hunger Games AU

Summary: That's the last night together and Alfie and Tommy are the last ones alive in that special edition of the Hunger Games. Only one of them was going to leave the Arena alive and it's not Tommy. Alfie and his ghosts are alone now. And his heart is forever broken.

Warnings: Angst. Major character death. Description of killings. Please, remember the kind of world Panem is. If you don't know, well, just know that kids are forced to kill other kids. || MxM love. || Bittersweet ending. ||

Words: 2k. || Tofie masterlist

"Because you'll find someone else to love. I won't."

Alfie woke up with a startled again. He was transpiring despite the cold winter.

His clock announced that it was 2 in the morning. The night was quiet in District 9 but especially in the Victor's Village… because hus house was now the only one habitable there.

I should be fucking dead.

But he wasn't because destiny in that world was a cruel beast. Especially for unfortunate people like Alfie Solomons.

"He's synonymous with luck," people commented. "The two times winner of the Hunger Games Alfred Solomons."

In district 9 he was a hero. He did what the powerful districts couldn't do. The eyes of Panem were in one of the poorest places of the country, because of him. He deserved the glory, the cheers.

But people didn't know the kind of man Alfie Solomons was indoors. Or worse, how he was inside his own mind.

The ghosts he saw, the screams of pain he heard in his dreams… his eyes.

A year and a half ago.

The Quarter Quell was presented as la crème de la crème. The elite of Panem facing the Arena once more. The Quarter Quell meant that the victors of previous games were going to participate in the 75th edition.

They promised them another thing. They promised them freedom. They promised them not to kill again.

And yet…

The rebels were ready to. It was now or never. They were going to kill Coriolanus Snow and free Panem of the tyranny he was. But that was before he and his men killed every single one of the rebels. Even kids. For the right price someone talk and give all the names. Like Judas. And also like Judas he hang himself.

If any rebels remained free, then they were hiding in the shadows. The last massacre was a reminder that as long as Snow was alive, the games still existed. Punishing the rebels not once, but twice.

They were rude, strong. Not like those malnourished children that the whole country saw year after year. They won and they were rich, well fed. Like they were once. In consequence, that was the 17 night there. The longest games ever, but that edition was also finishing. Only four remained alive.

Alfie was resting against a tree with his scythes dropping blood in his hands. He was looking at the sky and paying attention at his surroundings.

He didn't want to see Tommy's face projected on the dome, but he didn't want to be the one killing him either. Alfie couldn't kill him. Alfie won't kill him.

How do you kill the love of your life?

They only could see each other every year for only two weeks maximum, three if they were lucky, but it was enough for them. The kisses in the balcony, the lovemaking in their beds. Alfie's beard tickling Tommy's neck, Tommy's hands on his chest. The stolen smiles. His blue eyes on him like Alfie was the most important man in his life. He was. The nights comforting each other every time a kid of them died. The joy they experienced when the other finally could transform one of their tributes into a victor. The promises of love.

"We're going to be happy together, Alfie, when we can go to district 13."

"I know, Tom. We can live in district 4 afterwards, next to the sea."

"I'd like that."

All those words vanished in the air when they knew that Snow killed the rebels. And even more when he announced the Quarter Quell. Alfie felt the frustration in his bones. The unimaginable anger.

All those promise of eternal love never were going to be possible because happiness and Panem never were in the same sentence.

The sound of a cannon startled him. If it was Tommy, it was going to be easier. Killing the tributes from 1 and 4 was going to be easy for him because he had nothing to lose.

But the image on the dome showed the face of the tribute from 4.

Of course it wasn't him. Thomas Shelby, from 12, was tough as nails. His Tommy.

But, who was going to comfort him during his nightmares if not Alfie? Tommy told him more than once that even when his aunt, sister and brothers were there, the real comfort existed only in Alfie's arms. And same as him, Alfie knew that Tommy won't be capable of killing him.

Tommy was braver than him, Alfie thought. Tommy clearly could commit suicide if it was necessary to erase his pain from Earth. But he couldn't. Otherwise, he could have made it the first years after winning his first games.

Before knowing Tommy, Alfie's life was a constant battle between keeping himself awake to avoid nightmares and and sleeping to forget what being alive meant. He found in casual, meaningless sex a way to numb his brain. Then, one day, one the latest victors approached while they were in the Capitol's Tribute building. Alfie watching at Tommy thought that he had the prettiest eyes he ever seen. Tommy was just 18 and Alfie 20. Fifteen years passed since they met. Fifteen years together. Stolen moments once a year, but for them were precious.

"I love you, Tom."

"I love you too, Alfie."

Why was the world was so cruel? Why couldn't two people in love live trying to leave the cruel past behind them? Why couldn't Alfie wake up with his lover in the same bed and enjoy life? Maybe even getting married?

Alfie opened his eyes again. He heard a noise behind him, between the trees. Only the moonlight illuminated the landscape. His scythe was ready to attack the tribute from 1 and killl him right in the spot. Decapitating him if necessary. He did it before. If not, that bastard could kill his partner and no one was going to kill Tommy.

But it wasn't the remaining tribute, it was Tommy himself.

"What're you doing here, Tom? I thought… we talked…"

"I know, Alfie, we said that the best thing we could do was to be apart. But this is the last night, sweetheart. The last one."

His words hurt him. Alfie loved Tommy sincerity, even in the darkest times. The last night together it was supposed to be in the future decades from now, when one of died of old age. Not now in their 30s.

Tommy sat down next to him resting his head on Alfie's shoulder.

"Remember what you told me once, Alfie?: No one can separate us. That's what you told me. I guess we didn't put Snow in the equation."

The sound of the canon made Alfie opened his eyes.

No. No.

"Tommy, Tommy… damn, what did you do?"

"I cut his femoral artery. He bleed himself," Tommy said quietly. "Just you and me now, Alfie."

Alfie dropped his scythe far away from him. He didn't need it now, not ever again. He hugged Tommy.

"You're freezing, pet."

"It's cold. Kiss me."

Alfie didn't waste his time and did it. He gave a fuck if a whole nation was watching them. The man next to him was his love and he didn't care about anything else. Tomorrow morning one of them was going to die.

Tommy moaned when Alfie's tongue found his. How do you tell the love of your life that you're already dying? He couldn't, not now. Tommy layed down on the sand and Alfie did the same but in top of him.

Without stop kissing him, Alfie's hands found his hair, now wet, and ran his fingers through it.

"I love you," Tommy repeated.

"No, I love you."

"I know."

This time it was Tommy who kissed him. His strong Alfie but soft Alfie. He wished he'd have more opportunities to say him how important he was to him. Because Alfie was everything he had.

The tribute from 1 was a beast of man. Stronger and younger than him, but Tommy was smarter. He tricked him and managed to cut his leg, causing an instant bleeding. But the tribute also managed to stab him in his liver. When Tommy started to walk towards Alfie, he removed the knife from his body but the damage was irreversible and Tommy knew it. At least it was going to die in Alfie's hands and he was going to be the newest victor. Two times winner.

"I love you," Alfie said again against his mouth. But when he touched Tommy's abdomen felt the inconfundible warmth of blood. It was too dark to see it, but it was there. He smelled his hand: it was definitely blood.

"Fuck, no! Tommy, no!"

That's why he was cold.

"It's too late, Alfie. And it's better this way, eh? You didn't have to kill me and I don't have to kill you either."

"It wasn't supposed to be this way, Tom! It wasn't! I was going to protect you! I promised you…"

"It's not like we can avoid death, love."

"Fuck. FUCK!"

Tommy put a hand on his face and stroked his beard. He was going to miss him.

"Better me that you, Alfie. You'll find someone else to love. I won't. If something happened to you, then I was going to kill myself and in revenge Snow was going to kill my family. This way, they're safe and you too."

Alfie shut him up with another kiss. Slower this time. His stupid Tommy always taking unnecessary risks. Alfie felt his lover's hands on his neck, caressing his hair and took his time to savouring him.

"Live your life, Alfie. But try to not forget me."

What do you say after something like that. Alfie started to cry in silence. His tears mixed with the tasted of Tommy's lips.

"I won't forget you," Alfie said.

Tommy was curled up against his body when the last cannon sounded. Alfie hid his face on the shoulder of his now dead partner.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the victor of the 75th Hunger Games, from district 9: Alfred Solomons."

Now

"Live your life, Alfie but try to not forget me."

"I won't forget you."

Alfie couldn't and definitely won't forget Tommy. His eyes, his kisses… him.

But there's someone else now. She's good and they have a little girl named Allie who's sleeping in her bed hugging her teddy bear now. One day in some years, Allie will be old enough to be part of the Hunger Games and the only thing that Alfie could do was to beg for her name was never selected.

"Protect her, Tommy."

He has to believe that the man who gave his life to protect him, somehow is also protecting his little daughter.

Tommy will protect her. Tommy wishes he could say that to him. Allie Solomons will never be reaped. She never was going to be forced to kill anyone.

An invisible hand touches Alfie's shoulder. There's nothing he can do to erase his pain but trust that time and love will heal his heart.

"To another life, my hopeless dream." Tommy thinks.

Maybe next time they will be luckier. Maybe.

[loftylockjaw]

TIMING: Shortly after Anita’s birthday party LOCATION: Mansión Mexicana PARTIES: Wyatt (@loftylockjaw) & Anita (@gossipsnake) SUMMARY: While sitting and chatting about their lives, Wyatt opens up to his friend about his nightmare problems, and Anita supports his decision to handle it with violence. CONTENT WARNINGS: very very brief drug mention

—

There were a lot of little ways that Anita had made Wicked’s Rest feel comfortable to her, made it feel as close to home as it could. Her house was the most significant part of that. Isolated from a lot of the town and out of place in terms of its Spanish architectural style, it was truly her sanctuary. Much to her dismay, the house did little in the way of giving her any sense of real community. That wasn’t to say she hadn’t built meaningful connections over the years in town but Anita missed the comfort of being surrounded by lamia. Practically she understood why her fellow reptilian beings didn’t seem to flock to the cold shores of Maine which only increased her desire to seek out the others who braved the colder weather. 

It had been no surprise that, eventually, a lamia had found their way into the Grit Pit. Anita could still recall the first time she saw Wyatt rip the limbs from his opponent in a fight - a beautifully bloody work of art. It didn’t take long for the pair to realize they had a lot more in common than just stunning scales and exceptional bone structure. They also shared a love for the miscellaneous excitements that life had to offer, which allowed for a budding friendship to take root. Anita not only enjoyed the evenings they would spend together but found herself actively looking forward to them. 

“No, no, no,” Anita corrected with a soft laugh, “I meant, like, what’s the weirdest thing that’s happened in town to you that ended up being just … normal run of the mill stupid human shit? For me, it was probably when I thought that the professor I shared an office with during my first year at the University had become some kind of undead being. I mean, the man looked and smelled like death. He kept complaining about losing time and one time I came in early and there was a strange blood trail throughout the office.” She paused, partially for dramatic effect and partially to take another swig of tequila. “Turns out his wife caught him cheating, kicked him out,  and he was sleeping in the office. I guess a science lab and sleepwalking can make for a dangerous combination.” 

—

Laughing at her story, Wyatt shrugged his shoulders. “Well damn, woman, I don’t know! There’s so much weird shit that happens around here on the daily, I can’t keep track! Sucks big time for that guy, though. You know, that’s probably as good an incentive against marriage as I’ve ever heard.” He chuckled again, trying to think of something specific. Odds were he was too ignorant of the supernatural beyond some shifters and some undead to ever peg anyone as supernatural for their weird habits, but… “I mean every really intense horror fan I meet I assume, at least at first, is a bugbear. They’re kinda hard to suss out anyway, you know? But I guess usually they’re just… weird.” He snorted, shaking his head and lapsing into silence as he sipped on the tequila they were sharing. A thought struck him then and he straightened up in his seat a bit, cocking his head at Anita. 

“Oh, by the by… I met this girl recently, another lamia. But like… freshly a lamia, you know? First one in her family. She seemed… less than happy about it.” He scoffed. “Go figure. Anyway, was thinkin’ you might have better luck talkin’ to her… I know I ain’t the most, ahh, what’s the word…” Sensitive. Tactful. Compassionate. “... well, I’m not good at talkin’, is what I’m sayin’. Anyway, sounds like she’s hopin’ for a way to reverse it, which’ll likely just get her killed.”

—

“Oh, don’t you know? All the weird shit is just part of the local, coastal charm! That’s how everyone around here seems to wanna justify it all, anyway.”  As much as Anita thought people were foolish to write off the strange happenings that happened in this town, ultimately their foolishness only benefited her. They were so willing to accept banal explanations for almost anything, so willing to justify an alarming amount of unusual deaths. “You know, now that you mention it, I haven’t come across a bugbear in town since I’ve been here. Not knowingly, anyway. I’ve had a few students who were just weird enough that I wouldn’t have been surprised though…” 

Anita smirked when Wyatt had mentioned meeting a girl, not sure of where this next story was going. And unsure she certainly was. Her left eyebrow raised at the mention of another lamia and she reached for the chilled bottle of tequila out on the table to refill her glass. “First one? That’s…well, I’ve never actually met the first in a lineage before.” The idea of meeting this woman flushed her with excitement and an odd sense of duty. The lamia before her had taught her all she knew about survival but there would be nobody around to teach the first of a bloodline. “Reverse it?” Anita scoffed, shaking her head. “No, no, she just needs someone to talk to, I’m sure. And unlike you I am very good at talking. How did you meet her?” 

The next thought made her smirk softly, always hopeful for more serpentine companions, “What kind of lamia was she?” 

—

“Yeah… that clawed foot that sprang up outta the ground like an eager tulip is real fuckin’ charming,” Wyatt argued under his breath, rolling his eyes. “I guess,” he added in a louder voice for Anita to hear, letting out a huff of breath. “Whatever keeps ‘em from askin’ questions…” 

Anita’s curiosity was good, because that meant that the responsibility of guiding this young lamia was slowly slipping from his shoulders like water off a duck’s back. “Out in the woods, huntin’. We was after the same buck, go figure.” And he’d ripped it in half to share with her, like the gentleman that he was… despite what others might say. There was the question of her reptilian form, to which Wyatt laughed softly and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh… y’know… snake-y…” he answered dumbly, offering an apologetic shrug a few beats after. “Sorry, can’t say I’m real familiar with snake types. Didn’t know none growin’ up, was never really taught about ‘em. But. She was… pretty.” He coughed. That said literally nothing about her type. Stupid. Shut up. 

Silencing himself with a sip of tequila, the shifter pulled out his phone and started tapping through some menus before pulling up a phone number. He set the device on the table and pushed it closer to Anita, nodding at it at the same time. “That’s her number. I told her I had another lamia friend in town, so you reachin’ out won’t be totally unexpected.” The man sighed and sat back again, dragging a hand across his face. The uninterrupted hours of wakefulness were catching up with him again, and the tequila wasn’t making it any easier to not sink into his seat and have a little siesta… 

—

The fact that it was another snake that Wyatt had encountered made Anita grin. Anyone who got her talking about shifters of any kind for more than a couple of minutes were bound to hear her thoughts on the hierarchy of the species. While she hadn’t (knowingly, soberly, seriously) said so to Wyatt, Anita undoubtedly considered snake lamia to be the superior among the lamia subtypes. “Oh, come on, mi caimán. Just because you may not have known any snake lamia doesn’t mean you don’t know snakes, no? Down that way, I bet you grew up near king snakes, cottonmouths, racers,” Anita paused for a moment, the tequila straining her geographical knowledge ever so slightly, “and a bunch more, I’m sure.” 

Pulling out her own phone, Anita copied the number into her contacts, “What? You didn’t get a name?” As she put her phone away, Anita noticed that Wyatt seemed more muted than usual. Nudging him playfully as he leaned back in the chair, she quickly sought to fill the silence. “Ay, someone special been keeping you up late? Making you too tired to enjoy this incredible tequila and even more fantastic company?” It wasn’t that Anita couldn’t handle a lul in the conversation, or silence, for that matter. It was just that it made her uncomfortable. Especially lately, she didn’t want to be left in a circumstance where she wasn’t distracted from her own thoughts. “Spill.” She prompted with a smirk.

—

Sometimes he forgot how smart Anita was, by no fault of her own. He’d just grown up around rather…. uneducated types, so he wasn’t exactly used to the effortless way she rattled off different snake species that he had undoubtedly encountered down in the bayou, but never knew the names of. It did manage to make him feel stupid at times, which he couldn’t really hold against her. It was good that she was intelligent, imagine if all lamia were brutes like him? They’d probably go extinct within a decade, if no new ones were made. Sighing, Wyatt shrugged his shoulders. “Sure, Anita, sure I did. But I was more interested in eatin’ ‘em than I was studyin’ ‘em,” he explained, exasperated. “Anyway, she didn’t look like any I’d seen before. Kinda had a… a curved snout. Y’know, like a… um…” He had to think hard about it for a moment before the name came to him, “Like a hognose. But the colors were darker.” Wyatt then gave a mock-offended huff. “Course I did. Isa. Isa Caceres. Good snake name, eh? You know, what with all the hissin’. Weird she wasn’t born into it.”  

He felt Anita nudge him and couldn’t help the smile that slipped across his face, closing his eyes for a moment. “Someone special? Don’t think that’s the right word.” No one had ever been special to him like that, at least not as far as he’d let himself explore the feeling. His mind did wander to a few people, but of course they were not the cause of his exhaustion. Not… directly, anyway. “No, it’s just…” He debated how much he wanted to say to her. They were friends, and they were bonded by something different than he had with anyone else… but god, was it weak of him to admit that he was afraid of sleeping? I’ve been having these nightmares the last few months. Real bad ones. I wake up in a panic, and I’ve been waking up shifted. And it wasn’t just that. I’m having a harder and harder time telling what’s real. The birds are everywhere, and that leg in the woods… that can’t be real, right? But I see it on the horizon all the time. I don’t even know if I’m awake right now. 

“... trouble sleepin’, I guess.”

—

Anita was never the type to let people make her feel bad for who she was, and she was a lot. She didn’t know exactly what the source of the apparent exasperation that came from Wyatt’s response was, but she took no offense. “I get it. A regular snake is fair game, I suppose. Certainly below lamia on the food chain.” She knew that her curiosity, her constant desire to learn about the things she saw in the world was not something that everyone shared. After all it was the thing that drove such a wedge between herself and the rest of her family, it was something they never could understand. “Isa Caceres,” Anita responded, drawing out all of the s sounds dramatically. “I like it. She may not have been born with it, but seems as though she was destined for it.” 

The smile that came after her question was so intriguing. The question had mostly been in jest considering how the pair had often bonded over their lack of any singular special someone, and a bit of a lack of desire to be tied down to one person. Or at least that was how Anita had perceived it. For a moment it seemed as though he was going to give her some sort of real response, and Anita refilled both of their glasses with more tequila in anticipation. But instead, she got a rather lame generic answer. 

“Oh,” she nodded, lifting up her glass to take a sip. “Yeah, that happens sometimes I suppose.” Anita tried to figure out why she felt a bit strange. Sometimes she wondered if she spent so much time studying the behavior of insects and of others that she saw things that weren’t really there. Was his extended pause because he was tired? Or had he considered telling her more before deciding not to? If it had been the latter, she couldn’t help but wonder what it was about her that made him hold back. “Sometimes when I need a good night's sleep, I go to sleep without being shifted out of the mojave. I have a room with several industrial heat lamps. It reminds me of sleeping out in the desert. If you want, you could borrow the room for a night sometime.” 

—

He could sense the shift in her demeanor. His answer, vague as it was, hadn’t been what she wanted to hear. Even her generous offer, one that he was very inclined to take her up on, didn’t hide her disappointment. There he went again, disappointing the people he cared about. 

“Ahh, it’s just… it’s more than that. Obviously.” He sighed, rubbing his neck with his free hand. “Sorry. I’m… my shit has been… pretty fucked, lately.” He laughed. “Your party was a bright spot, actually.” Sucking in a long breath, Wyatt started to list things aloud. “Let’s see… I fucked up one of my friend’s lives more than it was already fucked up because I was trying to help them and I’m shit at that… I got a boyfriend, found out someone I was messing around with stabbed said boyfriend, then got dumped two days later for someone else… I accidentally killed a friend of mine during a fight because hey! Turns out I’m actually losing my mind! Which is just the cherry on top of all of this. I can’t sleep because when I sleep I have these awful fucking nightmares, so bad that I sometimes shift without meaning to. And now I’m starting to lose it even when I’m awake, or when I think I’m awake, because honestly, girl? I can’t fuckin’ tell anymore.” He huffed out another breath and gave Anita a shrug. “So… that’s the short of it. I’m probably forgetting some other terrible thing that happened, but it’s all startin’ to run together now anyway.” He raised his brows, looking at her like is that truthful enough? as he knocked back the tequila she’d poured him.

—

Despite her disappointment in Wyatt’s very non-response response, Anita didn’t really expect that her subtly was going to push him to open up. So when it did she almost didn’t know how to respond. Almost, until he complimented the elaborate surprise party she had thrown herself.  “Ay, si, the party was a bright spot for a lot of people I think. We all need a release sometimes.” But she could only beam with pride for a few short moments, as the floodgates had seemed to open and his pause wasn’t the end of his comments but merely the preamble. 

Several times, Anita opened her mouth to say something, to comment - at the mention of a boyfriend, someone getting stabbed, getting dumped, an accidental death - but the hits kept coming. For a split second, when he mentioned killing someone in a fight, there was a flash of panic in her eyes as she thought of Felix. But she had just spoken to them that morning, there wouldn’t have been any fights since that conversation, and she’d like to think Wyatt would know better than to bury the lead with that. “Mierda, that honestly sounds like someone trying to summarize a bad arc of a telenovela.” She poured herself another shot, then slid the bottle across the bar towards him. 

“Sorry, amor, I didn’t mean that in any kind of way. Just… fuck, I had no idea.” Anita was never very good at catastrophic problem solving. None of these things really seemed fixable by offering to kill someone. “Any of these friends the one you hooked up with in my guest room at the party?” That wasn’t the right thing to say and she knew it, but it was what came out. 

—

“It’s fine. It is a bad arc. It’s the shittiest arc! I’d really like to have a fuckin’ word with my writer,” Wyatt complained, smirking in spite of the shithole that was his life at present. At least someone in his life knew how to make it less grave. Maybe he’d look back on this some day and laugh. Maybe. He reached for the bottle, pouring himself some more while she asked a follow up question. One that had his brows raising and a grin appearing on his face, an actual grin, not one that felt forced. 

“Oh, that?” He clicked his tongue, deciding in that moment that he wasn’t going to be a sad piece of shit for one night, regardless of whatever waited for him outside the safety and comfort of Anita’s home. “No, no… that’s a new friend. Totally detached from all of that other shit, thank god. I don’t, ah… damn, I don’t even remember how we met.” He was really digging for it, but coming up short. “All I remember is him showin’ up at my place in a cab, givin’ me a pill, takin’ me to a club, and fuckin’ me in… a coat closet? Hell if I can recall.” The man laughed, giving Anita a shrug. “I guess he and I kinda have a pattern that we follow. Sorry to your guest room specifically.” 

—

Anita tilted her head slightly, but smiled and laughed along with her friend. For all of their distinct differences and obvious similarities, one thing that was more subtle she had noticed was that they both seemed to resort to humor and distraction when things were complicated. In a way it was nice to have someone who she could reasonably rely on to “yes, and” her delusions but she also couldn’t help but wonder if this was the kind of support that he needed. Was she being a good friend or a bad influence? 

But the story of this new ‘friend,’ was far too intriguing, pulling her mind out of more philosophical questions and back down into the reality of the evening. Her grin grew wider as he kept adding onto the story, to a more level headed person there may have been some red flags picked up upon, but Anita didn’t see any. “Now that sounds like one hell of a friend.” Having some easy, light, exceptionally enjoyable fun seemed like a good thing. How could it be anything else? “My guest room has seen far worse, it’s alright.” 

Anita pulled the bottle back across the table, not bothering with a glass and taking a shot out of it directly before pushing it back towards Wyatt. She scratched her head slightly, sighing softly as a few thoughts began to settle into place in the midst of the tequila haze. She’d been around a few mares long enough to wonder if someone might be targeting her friend.  “These nightmares. When’d they start?” 

—

See? He knew she'd forgive him. Not that that had needed proving, but it felt nice to be right about something regardless. He'd been wrong about a lot of things lately. 

Then she was asking about the nightmares. “Funny story, that,” Wyatt began, scoffing to himself. It didn't matter that he now had a lead on why they were happening, it didn't immediately fix his insomnia or deeply rooted fear of birds, of all fucking things. “A few months ago. Came out of nowhere, really. Just started having freaky dreams that were all bird-themed, you know. And they just kept escalating. Then I started seeing someone in my dreams a lot.” He paused. “Saw her when I was awake too, I think.” He threw Anita a knowing glance. “Turns out, she might be real. Might be the one giving me nightmares.” He shook his head, reaching for the bottle and taking a pull directly from it like Anita had. “Gonna try and get that sorted, yanno, quick as I can. Still don't mean I'm gettin’ restful sleep though.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “Might… take you up on those heating lamps. Can't remember the last time I was able to get a proper sunnin’ nap in. Bet that's not helping.” He'd been running cold for months now. 

—

Anita frowned as Wyatt talked about these nightmares being what she felt fairly certain to be the description of a mare targeting him, feeding from him. “Poor, sweet, baby boy. Yes. It sounds like you have a silly witch giving you nightmares. Not a real witch,” she clarified, “but you should find this woman and you should eat her. That will stop the bird dreams.” There was part of her that wondered whether or not one of the mares she knew was the one feeding from her friend. It would not have changed her advice, though. That was survival of the fittest. If you disturb a species higher up than you, you can’t be surprised when you find your neck crushed between the teeth of a lamia. 

“It’s almost impossible in this town. Set aside the fact that it’s not even warm enough outside for more than half the year to get a good sun nap, all the good secluded spots in the forest have too much shade and the spots with nice sunlight feel… too exposed sometimes.” Anita thought about how easy it was back home, when the temperatures spiked so high that most humans stayed indoors, to head out into the desert and bask in the sun. “You can stay here tonight, if you want, and enjoy the heat. I don’t mind.” 

—

Wyatt smiled. They really were of similar minds, and while it hardly came as a surprise, it was always a comforting thing to experience. It made him feel just a little bit less alone. Anita understood him, and she didn’t judge him, far as he could tell. She was perhaps the closest thing he had to actual family around here, which meant she was filling in a rather sizable hole in Wyatt’s heart. He was glad to have found her, and glad that they’d become such fast, fierce friends. The man nodded in agreement, shaking a finger at her. “My thoughts exactly,” he answered with a grin. 

“Yeah… it’s tragic, is what it is. Came too damn far north.” Sometimes he had half a mind to go back to the swamps, but now he couldn’t, could he? He was trapped here. In that context, her offer was even more welcome than it would’ve been otherwise, and his situation left very little room for pride. Well, at least when it came to Anita. He’d bury his problems with most other people, just like he’d tried to bury them here, with her, just before opening up. It was his default setting, and he had to actively fight against it to accept charity. “That’d be amazing, actually. Thanks, my little Mojave aster,” he chuckled, knowing the exasperated glare that might be coming his way for that one. “I owe you.”

[enam3l]

finally, it's here. my first real series. loosely based on the film love, rosie. it's a devastatingly slow burn and full of angst and longing. i hope you guys enjoy.

after the events of season four, your best friend eddie munson moves on leaving you behind, in love with him and concealing a secret you never hope he discovers.

follow #enam3l love lola

a/n: happy ending eventually, slow burn, will they won't they, a lil angsty but never mean eddie

At age 8 you met Eddie Munson for the first time and you were sure he was the prettiest person you'd ever seen. Your Grandmother had visited a womens refuge to drop off old clothes, pots, pans, things she owned but didn't need. There she had spotted a young woman, beautiful with cascading brown curls but a panicked look on her face and tears on the brink of falling. Attached to her leg was a boy, wide eyes anxiously scanning the alien surroundings. Drawn in by the sweet boy who looked your age, your grandmother approached the woman.

Over the next hour she had learnt their history and their circumstances. Within the next two hours your Gran took advantage of her own means to develop a plan for the pair. By that evening your dinner table had two extra settings arranged. No longer just you and your Grandmother, you were now joined by Eva Munson, your new housekeeper and her son - Eddie - who from under his mop of dark curls assessed you across the grand dining table with big bright eyes, the colour of the special chocolates you were only given at Christmas. He was pretty and precious like the delicate porcelain dolls you were only allowed to gaze at in your Grandma's reading room and you instinctively wanted so badly to take care of him. 

At age 11 and on the cusp of puberty, you realised Eddie Munson was not just pretty like a flower or doll, he was beautiful and kind like the unexpected saviour of a fairytale. With three years of best friendship under your belt, you understood that Eddie was not like any boy or even man you had ever met. He was not selfish or cruel like your father and he wasn't obnoxious and boring like the sons of your Grandmother's fancy friends, who until Eddie arrived, you had been stuck amongst. He was endlessly interesting, you could listen to him all day although he wouldn't allow that, always insisting on hearing your ideas too. Eddie had once asked you why your favourite book was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. With a wicked smile you had replied because those spoilt children got their comeuppance and you could only dream about that happening to the many Augustus Gloops and Veruca Salts in your life. Slightly downtrodden, Eddie had chuckled glumly, 'I guess I am Charlie, poor and can't believe his luck .' 

Gasping and horrified at Eddie's lack of self belief, you furiously shook your head and began to explain,

'No! You're Willy Wonka. You are brilliant and yes, a little bit mad and no one can appreciate just how special you are.'

At age 14 you decided before anything, now more than ever, you had to be Eddie's sworn protector and you pushed your crush deep into the darkest corner of yourself. The content bubble that for the past five years you had been living in - consisting of yourself, your Grandmother, Eddie and his mom - had been burst. Eddie's mother died. Your best friend, already different by nature began to separate himself further from the world. His eyes became a little sadder. His clothes became darker. His music became angrier and louder. Your games became more complex, rarely concluding with a happy ending. His now shoulder length curls were buzzed. But most importantly you knew at this age, teenagers were getting meaner and you were not long off from starting High School. Whilst your heart ached to live out your teenage romance with Eddie, his heart was broken and he was in mourning. Your best friend, already an easy target for bullies, was more vulnerable than ever and protecting his heart was far more important than yours. 

At 17 as you watched Eddie's hair grow longer than ever and him truly come into his own, you had to work harder than ever to ignore it. Painfully aware your bodies were fully developed and hormone filled, you attempted to delude yourself that you weren't achingly in love with your best friend. You distracted yourself with meaningless flings and boyfriends who couldn't hold a candle to Eddie. High School was relatively smooth sailing for you, your respected name courtesy of your Gran gifting a protective shield. The higher echelon of students may not have liked you especially, god knows you loathed them but they respected you. Academia wasn't an issue, you excelled in plenty and even subjects you didn't particularly like or have a talent for, you were still able to do more than satisfactory in. The same couldn't be said for Eddie. You were truly his defender, your presence limiting the hate campaign that built against him. But when you weren't by his side, he was subjected to torment for his hair, his clothes, his passions and his background. Since his mom died, Uncle Wayne took him in and the trailer became his home. Despite Wayne working hard to provide a good and loving home, a trailer was still a red mark against Eddie's name to vapid teens. You were grateful still his warm personality and ability to seek out those in need, resulted in Hellfire Club. Now Eddie had allies. 

At 18 it was clear you would be graduating without Eddie. Whilst you could speak about his talents endlessly, your bestfriend was too creative, thought too abstract for academic life. As you stood on the stage alone, your heart cracked at the thought for the first time in a decade, your best friend wouldn't be by your side. You'd spent a year in a state of near hyperventilation ruminating on how he'd be alone, without you to protect him but more worryingly, you would be without him - the one person you loved most in every way. Realistically he would still have the younger boys from Hellfire but you'd have no one, alone in New York without your comfort blanket. The one fear that ate away at you was now that you were gone, Eddie might fall in love. He'd already developed a few admirers from becoming a local feature of The Hideout with his band Corroded Coffin. 

By 20 you were alone and Eddie-less in New York studying for your second year. He'd again failed to graduate and was on his third attempt. Whilst you loved your degree, the city and new friends it was undeniable it would all improve with his presence. Nearly every night you exchange stories over the phone and attempt to visit but as time passed, schedules became more hectic. With Hellfire and the band occupying the forefront of his mind, you felt like a ghost from his past growing more faint by the day. Each hook up tale from the bar chipped further away at you, each new person in his life pushing you further down his list. You'd ended up with boyfriends you loathed in selfish attempts to fill the Eddie shaped void in your heart.  

Now you're still 20, fearing Eddie won't be joining you in turning 21 in a few months time. He lays there before you, hand under yours and still absent of his inherent warmth. Alabaster skin near void of life, dark circles round his eyes matching the spreading mass of purple bruising across his torso. Already red seeps through the white fibres of fresh bandages. No longer in your arms, where he belongs, Eddie Munson lies in a hospital bed. Unconscious to your words and touch, oblivious of the tears that trickled down your face and splashed over his tattooed forearm. Flittering between life and death before you could even confess you were in love with your best friend. 

[dontcallpanic]

Hi there sweetheart! 🩵 as i said on my post, im turning this around

what are some of the things that never fail to make you smile?

and I'll also ask: what are some of the things/people that scream 'love' from miles away for you?

@gege-wondering-around I am so, so sorry this has taken so long – as usual. Life is chaos but I really appreciate the ask! You’re so kind and so lovely and your answer was perfect I hope I can do this justice! Diolch yn fawr iawn and here we go

Family. – One member in particular keeps wandering around singing Life is a Highway very badly and offkey and I just love it! It’s so cosy and fun and I just love it when things are calm enough that people can relax and be themselves. My cat (called Busy) also makes me smile. She’s a floozy cat and loves attention.

Writing – I’m working on something for my absolute best friend which has a bit of a story behind it. It’s a Sterek Au that came about because I went back home. I grew up in among those strange rural small towns where everything is a bit weird and a little left of reality. I was in the local supermarket and for some reason in the back rooms they had this section absolutely chock full of plaid shirts so I snapped a pic and sent it to my friend for fun as a Stiles reference. And from that we just kind of ran with this strange Sterek, small town au where all sorts of strange, odd, supernatural things happened. So, of course I had to write it for her. But I write REALLY slowly. It’s not going to be finished any time soon but it’s 18000 words so far! Anyway, it’s purely for fun and full of joy and bittersweet things and it makes me smile SO much. Have a snippet! He can see it now. He’s going to become a cautionary tale. Parents everywhere will tell their children all about the dangers of running off to find themselves and all because he got lost in the woods and eaten by a bear. My what big teeth you have and all that. Wait – that’s little red riding hood. Maybe he’ll be eaten by wolves, not bears… That would be exactly his luck. Especially when there are famously no wolves in California. What was the moral of that story again? Something about not trusting strangers? Never leave the path? Something else about… not… going… for a walk in the woods… alone? Fuck. Stiles runs an anxious hand down the front of his favourite red hoodie. Double fuck. There was no way he was little red riding hood. The universe wouldn’t be that cruel, right? The colour of his jacket should have no bearing on the likelihood of him being eaten by a wild animal. Absolutely not. None, whatsoever. Nope. Incidentally, has anyone done any research on whether bears are attracted to certain colours more than others?

Adventures – I love exploring and just seeing new places, near or far. It doesn’t really matter where but show me a quiet road surrounded by tall trees and I am just giddy with happiness. I love driving too so that helps!

Music – this is one of the things that I live for. I love how much music can give you, from inspiration, to pure feeling, vibes, joy, drama, beautiful poetry. It’s everything and it’s got everything! Here’s a link to my favourites playlist (that I'm still adding to!) but it’s full of all sorts of everything . Listen at your own risk!

Kindness - I’ll shout out to people on Tumblr too. I love seeing people be themselves and owning their weird, whatever it is! That always makes me smile – especially when something good happens for someone I follow. I loved what you said about kindness too. The words I try to live by are be curious and have compassion. Everyone’s going through something and the world can always use a bit more kindness!

Things that scream love from miles away (loved this question!)

Friends – I have two best friends who are the complete opposite of each other and I love them so much. They keep me going and whatever’s going on, they can always make me smile.

I’m moving away from them both which is breaking my heart a bit but something they both do which, to me, screams love from a distance is they’ll just send me things.

One friend sends memes and funny videos

The other shares her day and sends me pictures of what she’s doing.

I love this so much because its just I saw this and thought of you! It’s quick, it’s sweet, its thoughtful and it just means so much to me that they are going about their day and they take the time to think oh, I thought you’d like this! Now my phone is full of their lives and it makes me so happy.

I try to reciprocate  as much as possible but everyone always says my love language is bread. I’ll often bake bread for my friends to pass on when I see them although I realise that might be harder these days. Posting bread doesn’t seem like the best idea…

I’ll also do a small shout out to my husband here, as we’re talking about things that scream love. We met about 14 years ago when I was 18. I saw him across the room in a crowded bar on my first day of Uni and it was love at first sight. Still can’t explain it to this day. He was just my person.

Thanks so much for the ask! It’s really sweet and I had a lot of fun thinking about this one! It’s always worth spreading a little love and happiness and I hope your day is full of pure joy! You deserve it!

[levwrites]

Undying

A reaper has developed a strangely close relationship with a Warrior that cannot die.

There is something delicately desperate about watching a blade sink deeply into the heart of a loved one, knowing he will get up again but it will hurt, as it always does, even if all it will leave behind is a scar that will fade with the decades.

Death places a hand under the Warrior's head to protect his skull from impacting the ground as he falls. They know the Warrior won't notice and won't question it. He was dead as soon as the blade was twisted.

They can already see the wound slowly knitting itself back together as the attacker turns around, rightfully thinking the Warrior will not get back up - should not get back up.

But in less than a minute his fingers are twitching.

Pain blooms on the Warrior's face, a gasp parting his lips. "Fucking hell," he breathes, grimacing. "You there, Death?"

"I'm here."

They coax the Warrior's soul fully back in his body, even if their help is barely needed: by now that poor soul has grown accostumed to not leaving its mortal vessel.

"This was a little embarassing, my dear. Were you distracted?"

"Shut the fuck up." The Warrior curls painfully and slowly towards them, insides still healing. "Fucking hurts. You have no pity." He bites Death's thigh, and they barely feel it through their robe. "Bastard."

"Yes, yes. I am a merciless monster." Death places a warm hand on his head and starts scratching at his scalp. They keep an eye on their surroundings, so they can warn the Warrior if someone hostile approaches.

They don't want him to die again so soon.

They smile a little, amused, their glowing eyes following something not too far away. "Cheer up dear, your men just avenged you." It's strangely satisfying, watching the spray of blood as the blade leaves the man's throat. Death would've liked to do that themselves, but that's not their place.

The Warrior grits his teeth and tries to sit up, groaning in pain when the movement pulls at his wounds. "I die in your arms every few years," he laments, lying back down in Death's lap. "And yet I'm not healing any faster." His grimace quickly become a smirk. "I cannot complain about the view," he says then, reaching up to tug on a lock of their hair.

"You are not as charming as you think with bloodied teeth and a swollen eye, dear." Death leans down, following the tug, until they're hovering just a breath away from the Warrior's lips. "Better luck next time, perhaps."

A big, warm hand settles on their nape. "I like my luck today." The Warrior grins, and pulls them even further down for a lazy kiss, happy to take the distraction from the pain. "I do appreciate it," he murmurs against Death's lips, eyes bright.

After a moment, he lets them go. "But I should probably go reassure my men they won't have to bury me today. They seem stressed." He tugs on Death's hair one last time, growing more serious. "It's always better to wake up in your arms and not alone on the ground," he admits.

"I know." In an impulsive show of tenderness, Death kisses his forehead. "Go back to your men, my dear. They need you, and I will always be here."

Waiting for his Warrior to die again - and one day, he will die for good. And Death will be free.

Free of Earth. And free of his brave Warrior.

And Death doesn't... like that. But it's simply how things are. His Warrior has lived a long life, a full life. Sooner or later he will get to rest.

But not now. For now, Death lets him go back to his men.

And waits.

[coffeeaddictednymph]

I found stars in Hell

Regulus Black x Lupin!Reader

Hi! I post this little prolouge hope you guys gonna like it... This is the first time I'm posting my writing please if you find some mistakes just let me know, english is not my first language.

Warning: a bit angst, but I think that's all.

The war come fast most of us just started to live our life. Everybody afraid listening to the radio, searching the Daily Prophet, waiting for some letters anything about our friends, loved ones.

The Order works hard, seeking for information doing missions. Me and my brother also helped the the Order. Here we are waiting for a meeting just a few of us here yet, Remus really tense looking out for danger Sirius impatient too where the hell is the others. I heard a noise and wander away to find the source of the sounds, like footsteps.

Then it was dark like the weather warning us for danger. Death eaters come a lot of them I start to run back to the others. My mind is racing I should be back with my brother, and yet somehow they found out our New meeting spot. Everything is full of death eaters. I think about apperating away but I can't leave without Remus.

Spells and curses painting the surroundings I start to run it's too many around me to fight against them alone. I hear someone shout in the distance

-I go after her, go back to the others.-

Worry feel my whole body, I need to get back hoping the others got away safely. I don't want to die like this alone they won't hesitate I know. I hide behind an old oak tree the steps that's following me fading away, maybe he gave up... Try to control my breath with happy memories.

*Sitting under that tree near the Black Lake reading a book when someone comes near me making a shadow next to mine, I look up to find a Hufflepuff boy from my year.

-Hey. Sorry to bother you, our study session today... Erm can I call it off? - he asked he seems a bit nervous.

-Hi. If you want to sure, but why you wanna cancel? I though you need to pass from Herbology? - I asked him a but confused.

-Yeah I know, but finally that girl I like agreed to go on a date with me. Can we study tomorrow? I really need your tutoring. - he almost begged me.

-Okay tomorrow can work just please don't call it off again. Good luck with your date.- I smiled at him he looked so relieved. He hugged me out of nowhere amongst a lot of Thank yous. After he felt I felt someone behind me so I looked behind to find Regulus stand a few feet away.

-What was that?- he asked his face were stoic like always but his eyes showed a different emotion.

-Nothing, we're just rescheduled something. Why are you asking? -

-I just.. Nevermind he seemed so happy and you're mean so it was strange. -

-I'm not mean Black, you are!- he scoffed and sit next to me, I mimiced his scoff when I realized.

-Wait a bloody minute... Are you jealous Black? - that wicked smile must've beeb really knowing because he blushed slightly.

-Don't be ridiculous, why would I be jealous? - he asked defensivly. We're dating but keep it privet for our sake.

-Oh darling, you're the only storm cloud to me, I'm just tutoring him- I laughed so hard Regulus Black rarely show any emotion. He tried to be emotionless and just put his arm around me to make me stop. *

I missed Regulus, he vanished from my life not long before the war without a word. I peeked from my hiding spot, but yelped when I've been grabbed from behind.

-Don't you dare scream or you get both of us killed. - my attacker whispered in my ear.

-This voice familiar... Could it be him?

- Apparate us somewhere safe you don't want your brother dead right? - he threatens me, but doesn't sound convincing. I apparated to an orchard with a little cottage.

When we arrived I broke free from his grip I held my wand at him.

-I guess this is a lesson in not trusting people, right? Even if they mean everything to you... It is really you? - I couldn't hold my tears anymore as I watch him take of that dreadful mask. Regulus....

[ciellunee]

It's been months since you saw Itachi. He doesn't care and you are sure of that. He's that one person you crave every single night, crying, burying yourself in the pillow thinking where it all went wrong. ITACHI was possessive no doubt but you never thought he would toy with you to this extent. You both were in a content relationship of 2 years, but last year you started noticing changes in your surroundings. Suddenly you started getting lesser and lesser invites to parties, all your friends started ignoring you out of the blue...there were nights where all you had was itachi's strong arms comforting you while you cried in his embrace asking him what was happening. 6 months ago, you were kicked out of your parents house after having a big fight with itachi, surprisingly no bank or moneylender wanted to give you any sort of loan even if the collateral was big. You had absolutely no where to go but worry not my darling cuz itachi was always there to welcome you with open arms. 'My love, why do you need a homeloan when you can stay at my apartment forever?'

You finally stepped out of the manipulation and distanced yourself from itachi which however was impossible. Being one of the finest shinobi of hidden leaf, itachi was trusted and respected by all adding him being an uchiha. The first time you tried to escape the hidden leaf , it was unsuccessful. Itachi caught and punishment was quite severe, 'angel, do you not need me anymore? Do I need to tell you who I am? '

This time however, you tried and succeeded. It was a mission in a nearby village. Being a jounin, it didn't take you long to punish those at fault however, you put your compadre into a specific genjutsu where you made him believe that you were killed by the leader. The man was terrified and took a run to tell the next uchiha leader about the mishap. You were considerate about one of his crows following you but somehow, you even managed to baffle them. The luck was on your side today. You knew you couldn't baffle itachi for long so you changed you clothes with regular arranged ones, and ran off, not knowing where to go but far, far away from itachi. Your eyes brimmed with tears as you thought about him, his smile, the way his eyes always lid up while talking to you....you were deeply and hopelessly in love with him. But this was necessary.

Finally reaching a destination you thought was safe enough, you begin your new life with a new name, changed your clothing and hairstyle. Nobody here knew who you were and that was a plus point. It's been 2 months since you saw itachi. Not a day has passed when you didn't crave his affection, his touch. You still loved him dearly and that was a problem.

One fine night while returning home from your daily job as hotel manager, you sensed a strong chakra at the entrance of your apartment. You knew this chakra all too well. Itachi! What was he here for now? Too scared to face him you decided to leave that village at that particular moment. It was quite late as you carefully turned around to make a run but were caught red handed by a red eyed itachi. His eyes glistening with anger but a hint of hurt was there as if he were disappointed. 'I think we need to talk my precious '

''Why would you leave me alone my angel? Why don't you realise what I do is for your good, I want you to be happy.....with me, with our family. " His eyes held hurt, corners started to brim with a slight amount of water. " my sweet! I know I hurt you, but I really can't live without you. Past 2 months have been nothing but torture for me." He edged a little closer, you knew how it goes you've always gave in to his manipulative tears. Not today though. " I've been miserable Itachi." You said, all the memories flooding in , " I've loved every bit of you since the first time we met, I still do. Even after everything you put me through... i pathetically love you. Every waking hour, each breath I take, I think of you. Why? Because I am a weak pathetic women who despite everything couldn't help but love her toxic, manipulative boyfriend. Why Itachi? I could swear on my life I've never even thought of any other guy than you! I've given each and every bit of myself to you and what do I get in return? Manipulation? Distrust? Hurt? Pain? Suffering! WHY ITACHI! WHY? " you broke down, crying, screaming, a lump in your throat. Itachi stood there wide eyed. Tears falling gracefully down his now pink cheeks.

'You Hate me don't you?.......'

[poisonous-honey]

Genshin Masterlist

X-X-X-X-UNDER CONSTRUCTION-X-X-X-X

(Collection links don't work on the app yet!!)

Honestly assume it’s SAGAU unless stated otherwise

3.3 Tier List Mayhem

Scaramouche- I guess you should say Wanderer, has finally been released, and you’ve used him all week. After you’ve basically drowned yourself in content surrounding him after the Sumeru Interlude Quest you feel an update to your tier list is in order

36-Stars Of Jealousy

After a year worth of grinding you’ve finally conquered it, but at the cost of Venti’s exclusion. He should be happy for you, but can’t break away from his seething jealousy and sadness.

Cats On Crack (Collection)

Luck never seems to be on your side. You always seem to end up helping other unlucky souls on their own journey, as if fate itself thought it was your job to be a substitute guardian angel. Maybe that’s why you find yourself standing in front of a group of cats protecting one of their injured. It doesn’t matter if it’s Lady Luck or the Goddess of Fate condemning you to this role, but you hope they step on a Lego Brick. (Not SAGAU)

Child of the Otherworld

ASK: Hello, could I request a SAGAU + Child!Creator!Reader (Platonic, of course) - And since the people were expecting their god to be of adult size, all of (Reader)’s robes are too baggy, and their sleeves drape over their hands, but everyone finds it cute so no one cares lol - And I would just like to see some scenarios about them being overprotective of (Reader) not in an obsessive way, just in a parental way

Inspired by this ask. There was more to it, but it heavily relied on the Reader being the creator, which I did not do, so a lot changed and didn’t work.

The Cruel Act Of Breaking The World

They try their hardest to keep you entertained. To keep you within their realm of ones and zeros, so your immersion doesn’t fall, and their mind doesn’t shatter. They know their walls are fake and lives are merely code, but that doesn’t make seeing the out-of-bounds any less harsh.

Fontaine Is Committing Childe Slander FR

Childe’s treatment in the Fontaine Archon Quests puts you in a terrible mood

Garden Of Eden

The world has ended and there was nothing they could do about it. Xiao and Aether share a quiet moment in a sea of flowers. (Not SAGAU || Illusions to God Reader)

Genshin Is Crossing Over (Collection)

where all the crossover fics are kept (i.e. The Venti Parable, Does Having Animal Ears Make You A Pokémon etc.)

Genshin Incorrect Quotes (Collection)

Silly and crack. Basically what the title says.

In The Abyss We Learn To Worship

Why does Childe seem to be your most devoted acolyte, even surpassing that of the Archons? (KINDA CULT AU (ALSO OLD))

Irodori Festival

Little blob!

Just Unbuilt, Or Am I Unwanted?

As you try to improve Xiao’s build for the 100th time, some of the others finally lose their patience

Losing Your 50/50

ASK: I’d love some headcanons (or a scenario) about SAGAU(and SAHSRAU if you can) hearing the reader yell and cry of frustration about this. Like: “I’M DONE I’M SO FUCKING DONE!! CAN I JUST HAVE THE ONLY THING I’VE WANTED FOR WORKING AND WAITING THAT HARD!!?? FUCK ALL OF YOU I HATE MY LIFE!!!!”

Nahida’s Precious Tailor

The little lord of Sumeru calls upon your aid as she wishes for a wardrobe change.

Naming Wanderer Something Silly

ASK: I was reading your sagau fics and suddenly remembered that I named Wanderer Omega.kitten as a joke… how do you think he and the other characters would feel about that?

Red In Stones

After a lot of begging and promises of farming (and swearing to a few you wouldn’t just up and abandon them the first opportunity you got), they finally agreed to let you explore other game worlds. As long as a few of them came with you and you had to start with a simpler game within your library. Not that you were complaining. Now you’ve been having a blast in Minecraft for a few days with a handful of other people who were willing to join you for your journey. Unfortunately, you broke your only way to communicate with the others so you've been forced to stay at base.

SAGAU Darling That’s Been To Other Games

What if for the SAGAU Darling doesn’t end up in Genshin first, but in a different game. Or maybe they were in multiple different games before they landed in Genshin. (HAS IMPOSTER AU IN IT (AND OLD))

Skipping Dialogue

What do the characters do when they find out you’re not paying attention?

Soul Crushing Guilt

The Knowledge That You’ve Been Controlling Real People With Thoughts And Feelings Has You At A Loss

Twins In SAGAU

For the self-aware Genshin AU there have been some slices where Darling has a twin and the twin either isn’t respected as much or in the villain au they’re treated as the imposter. That’s cool and all, but what if the twin worked for Mihoyo (KINDA CULT AU (OLD))

Why Are Their Designs So Complicated???

You thought Kaveh would be an easier character to draw. At a glance, his outfit is much simpler than a majority of the casts, so you thought he’d be a safe pick for fanart. How wrong you were.

[allycat75]

Sorry, this one is long. But the subject has given much to work with.

Proof People's Sexiest Man Alive 2023 really does hate himself, just from other quotes in the SMA article:

"I feel like I have a bit more freedom to take time away from the industry and still find projects that will satisfy my creative appetite when I return" I am sure based on the phoned in performance from Ghosted and on the reviews of Pain Hustlers, it sounds like you must be starving.

"My mom will be so happy," he says. "She's proud of everything I do but this is something she can really brag about". How she feelin' about that incel group also being proud of you?

Of Boston "We've got a lot of good schools. Let's give education a plug, that's damn sexy." I have read the few interviews your "beloved" has given and never before have I read so much and someone said so little. But hey, eyebrows are sexy, too. You can probably talk about that.

 "I love the idea of tradition and ceremony, I had a lot of that in my life so the idea of creating that, I can't think of anything better." So I guess some new traditions are never being seen with your one and only without it being breadcrumbed and/or trolled, surrounded by a bunch of people, staged and scripted, all while you look miserable. Oh, and also talking about how you like to be alone and your dog is your soulmate.

Values most in a partner is "vulnerability and humility." I am sure your acting teaching family is thrilled she feels she is such a great actress that she doesn't need classes or coaching.

"I don't like to argue, I don't like to raise my voice, or any forms of manipulation," Yep, I know the feeling Christopher.

"It's wise and mature to be able to say "I'm sorry I made a mistake,' to be vulnerable and not always be looking for the argument or take things to an argumentative place. That takes a lot of maturity and I find that very sexy." I am sure that was the exact thought process when your baby posted her shower pic to deflect from the criticism she was getting for her problematic behavior. And did we miss the "sorry"? But only if it is accompanied by behavior change. Otherwise, it is just one of those pesky manipulations none of us likes.

 "I love love". And that is why you feel comfortable taking a big dump on it with this disaster. If you are faking it, you have made love a joke, but if by chance it is real, you have shown yourself to be the absolute worst partner ever.

"The tough questions, you know what I mean? I [asked] a lot of tough questions as a kid," he explains. "'God made everything everything?' 'Is the color red to you the same as the color red to me?' I was a high strung kid and emotional so I'm anticipating those questions to be loaded with a lot of anxiety. And I think [as a parent] not only can you give a good answer to the specific question, but the tools to navigate tough questions like that." I'll just let the reader mull this one over, but I am curious to know the possible answer if asked "Dad, what do I do if I am forced to fake marry someone who represents the exact opposite of everything I have claimed to want in a partner? It will require me to use my family and friends in dumb schemes and stunts that will distract them from their daily lives and make thousands of innocent people look and feel crazy. It may even cause me to compromise my integrity and core beliefs by aligning me with those who represent the most base of our society."

But in all seriousness, there are some huge red flags here and this is unsustainable for a normal, happy life. Please study the lessons of this disaster, because the real tragedy of this mistake would be to just move on. Get help from professionals and seek to understand patterns that you keep falling into. I find the ABC method works well:

Good luck!

[inthehoneymoonwithconnorrk800]

I. RON (286 AC)

Note: English isn´t my first language, so sorry for the probably mistakes here.

She has lived in King´s Landing since she was born. Was a pleasant celebration, remembered the affectionate hugs of her red-haired mother like her, the pride of her lord father Arryn and the affectionate launch from the king Robert where she reached half a meter and picked her up through laughter, him seemed happier than ever.

Ronella Arryn, or as her family affectionately called her, Ron. She initially grew up between tales of ladies and knights, romantic love or happy endings every time her mother Tully told her before going to sleep, but Ronella presage darkness, light as mist, gray that haunted the Red Keep. And she was right. She had heard at the hands of maesters, from books, minstrels and the mouth of her own father about Robert´s rebellion, the king that he raised since he was a child. Those were dark times, the Mad King ordered children to be killed by tearing them from their mothers' arms, women who begged for mercy, of crying, of hunger, of cold, of madness.

There was an affront with the Starks, they imprisoned the heir, and then killed him and his father, his brother Eddard called the banners and the war began.

Now only she had heard that there was only one dragon child left, with long silver hair and monstrosity in his eyes. He scared her so much, so much that in her dreams he crossed the Narrow Sea and appeared in the palace, and killed everyone. She saw her father being burned alive and screamed to defend him until she suffocated to death. She would wake up all sweaty and with blue eyes so watery she seemed to be of the Tully hue. When Ron narrated about it to her family, her mother got very angry and forbade any story from that time not to scare her, she said they were not tales for maidens. Ron felt great calm when she heard they were moving.

Unfortunately, she was overjoyed.

That was before their mother Lysa left, with her little heir brother Eddard and the newborn Alyssa, who showed she had inherited the reddish hair. Ron had heard from maids there were loud shouting from her mother and several arguments among her parents, and that finally, his lord father had won. With tears in her already watery eyes, her mother said goodbye, hugged her for a long hug that Ron would have wanted to last a day, told her not to trust anyone, not even her father Jon. That confused her. Why had she said that?

There were moments when her mother would have lost her words and say incoherent things or her expressions would change in a second when strange men approached them. Ron thought it was one of those cases, but she would obey her anyway, except for distrusting his lord father.

Her father promised her that he would visit his wife any at available time that could, nevertheless, Ron hesitated a bit, she sensed lies in the words of her parent and that were wrong, because the Arryn are honest. But she didn't want to question his father just yet. Her mother went by boat, saying she felt more comfortable there because she had spent her life surrounded by water in Riverrun, where she promised to introduce her to her brother Edmure and his strong and respectable grandfather Hoster Tully. She climbed up gallantly as a lady should be, her Lady mother settled her small children between her body and blew kisses into the air. Ron felt embarrassed but touched by the gesture, the ship sailed away as the tide flooded the smell of salt all over the place. Her lord father Jon and she were in the front row, along with guards loyal to the Arryn and the unusual company of the royal family.

“What luck, Jon. You got rid of your wife and the little ones.”

She quickly noticed Queen Cersei Lannister's sneer at those words.

“Don´t said that, Robert. Respect my family.”

Jon Arryn was the only one who could speak to the king like that, because he had raised him as if he were his son. The king nodded with a giggle and walked away with all his entourage, after spending an hour there with them, Ron expected nothing less, if something happened to the king, she would wait faithfully with her father. Only her father and she were left, a few meters away were her father's men.

While she watched the sea darken and brighten, Ron was lost in her maidenly thoughts, but she knew one thing for sure, that honor was fading and that her father felt it too.

“I am afraid, my father”

She took a quick look around.

“Of what, little one?” his father's senile voice sounded hoarse, Ron imagined him as a young man and that, at that time, his voice would be as loud as a roar.

“Of the lions, of all of them.”

He looked at her with concern, as if he could understand her. Quickly with a slight gesture they were surrounded by men loyal to the Valley as they made their way to his quarter as the king's hand.

They avoided the servants with precise answers. Ron eschewed a strolling outing with Prince Joffrey, her betrothed, she was sure his face would turn beet as her turned her back on him to go on her way. Jon Arryn politely greeted the queen who looked worried and upset next to Stannis Baratheon, the king's older brother, they both continued walking among the beautiful and highly decorated floors of the palace, it had a gold finish, but Ron felt it was a cage anyway. 

Finally, her father Jon closed the door with a soft sound of the doorknob and placed a rectangular stone between the hole in between the door and the floor.

“Tell me about your fears, no one will hear us here.”

Ron blurted it all out, to the point where she felt like she had stopped being a lady and had become a little girl.

“From Prince Joffrey, he insults me and questions my ancestry, says I am a bastard without a shred of honor, that you are not my true father and therefore I should be in Flea Bottom.”

“That is not true. I held you in my own arms when you were born, no one stopped me. You have my clear blue eyes, my character and my ears. That's just lies from the young prince, a spoiled little boy, I advised Robert to discipline him, but he failed.”

Suddenly she felt ashamed, she was talking about her future king, her betrothed for as long as she could remember. Her lord father had signed her entail to King Robert himself since she was still a baby.

But the red burst had only begun.

"The queen!" she exclaimed angrily, as if spreading a wave of fury. "She looks down on me, criticizes my dresses, saying they should be finer, silk, with bright colors, and my gait, my frank way of speaking, it's as if she doesn't consider me a future Baratheon. And then there's the Kingslayer, I'm afraid to pass him in the corridors. What if he stabs me in the back?"

Her lord father Jon's face went from puzzled, to angry and a brief smirk at the last sentence. Ron feared that he would not take her seriously, that she would tell him it was girlish whining.

"The Lannisters are not to be trusted. Neither is the prince...nor the king."

Surprise came over her face, she thought her father saw Robert as his favorite son. He had his favorite falcon given to him by King Robert with pride and adoration. She did not understand anything.

"If they are lions, we are mere birds, I will not be able to fight them" she heard herself say in a low voice, saying it so softly that she was sure no one heard her.

Her lord father seemed to understand her thoughts and slashed at her.

"I haven't told you, my child, however, they are all snakes here, do you understand? They lie and hide under the table, under wherever. You and I, on the other hand, are hawks. What do hawks do? They hunt snakes and when they can't catch them, they keep them at bay. When you're older, you'll understand."

He stood up complaining about the pain in his back while Ron was still processing the words.

"Come on, dear, we have a snake dinner to keep."

Confident and a little comforted, she took her father's hand and left the room.

Now everything seemed to fall into place a little better. They ate alongside the royal family; Robert said hilarious things over wine and playfully kept Jon from taking the cup from him, as if he was a child. The queen didn't seem to mind and fixed her gaze on the initially uncomfortable Ronella, who faced her with a smile and a raised brow, talking with her about dresses and her future. Prince Joffrey otherwise, fiddled with the food bored. On the other hand, his uncle Stannis looked disapprovingly at the king's actions, his face was always serious and Ron admitted she was a little afraid of him.

When the queen moved on to speak to her son, Ron addressed him in an act of politeness.

"My lord Stannis, how goes the work of navigation? My mother set sail today, and I hope the currents are favorable on her voyage.

Stannis seemed surprised to be spoken to. It was no secret that the nobles were as quick to avoid him as if he had the grey plague, even his own blood seemed oblivious to it.

"Moderately auspicious to depart on a ship. The profits have been generous this past year and I am firmly confident that the crown will soon be able to settle its debt"

"What debt?"

Queen Cersei fixed her eyes on them, and Ron realized she was still surrounded by lions.

"Our dear king's," she said sarcastically, as she eyed her husband and put down her forks.

They both fell silent, again uncomfortable in front of Cersei Lannister.

The lioness was winning, but Ron was undeterred. In a warm voice she asked her if Joffrey would have a brother or sister in the future.

Cersei Lannister pursed her lips in disgust at such a question.

"With my dear Joffrey is enough."

"I don't think so. He needs alliances, a war has passed, my lady" her words echoed her father's voice.

Joffrey turned away, that talk had really caught his attention.

"I do not want siblings. I will be an only child; I am legitimate to the throne."

"More children? "laughed King Robert. "I'm not against the idea, Ned has had a respectable son, named after me, and his lady Tully is pregnant again.

"Think again, my love," Cersei Lannister's sugary voice made her nauseous, she could tell how her personality changed from one moment to the next when the king listened to what the Arryns were saying.

She felt a point of power in her favor.

"Rather, brother, how are you doing with the little ones? "The tone was mocking, Lord Stannis did not get along with his wife who was at Dragonstone and they only saw each other once or twice a year.

"Well, my king," Lord Stannis had a more bitter face than usual, he also wanted an heir.

"What do you mean, well? That face of yours says more than a thousand words, you can have whores, a bastard son is all the same as long as he is legalized."

Stannis Baratheon rose from the table, angrily, excused himself to leave and stormed away.

Ron felt she had spoiled everything.

"My king," spoke his father, who had been silent until now, "your brother lacks the time and attention to obtain a son. The best thing to do is not to pressure him."

"Bah, he's been pressuring me since he was born. What a thing he was, always refusing to play and reading all the time, I don't doubt his wife doesn't like him. He deserves it."

As the dishes were cleared away after that conversation, Ron stared into his fiancé's green eyes. He was a year younger than her, but more alert and astute, a total snake.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"Because I'll be your future wife," she replied bitingly.

The king clapped his father Jon on the shoulder.

"You sound like a true queen. My mother always commanded my lord father, and it always worked out well."

"It's a pity they won't join us now" Cersei laughed mockingly and grimly.

King Robert's jaw tightened, he would not tolerate any badmouthing of his parents, whom he held in high esteem.

"One more word from you, and I'll send you to Casterly Rock, you'll be of more use there."

"I'd love to."

But Ron could tell by the body language that she was lying. With those words, everyone got up to leave. The king in front with Cersei Lannister, her father Jon near the king, but away from Joffrey and her.

"Hey, brat."

She raised her bright blue eyes to him.

He had silky blond hair like a river of sunshine, full red lips, and his hand was raised toward her, as if he were asking her to dance, at least he had the basic courtesy of his age.

"Don't call me that," she answered bravely. Her lord father said that Arryns should be respected and treat others as they wanted to be treated. "I am your future consort."

The prince pursed his lips in great annoyance, his cheeks flushed like two tomatoes from anger, he made a sudden movement as if he wanted to slap her.

"I will call you what I want, do you understand? I will be your king."

"And I will serve you as your wife, but not as a doll," she congratulated herself inside, her father must be very proud of her.

Suddenly, Joffrey gave her a push. Not very hard, however, she stepped back.

Ron looked at him indignantly.

"Why are you doing that? You have to respect me."

"You're nothing but a burden to my house. You know, I can make you go to the mountains where your family lives."

"If it suits your lord father.

Green lightning flashed through her. Prince Joffrey exhaled in anger, tugged at her with all his might, but Ron resisted as long as she could. A lady should not be treated like that, let alone fall or stumble as his mother Tully had told her.

"Let go of me," she didn't yell at him, but it wasn't long before it was like that.  Her dress was getting dirty with the dust on the floor and she felt the heat of the red fortress strongly. The warmth of King's Landing seemed to her like a personal mockery.

"You're not so brave now, are you? "His voice sounded tired from the pulling. She could feel the sweat on his blond forehead.

"I still am. So I ask you politely to stop taking me against my will or I'll complain about your behavior," she repeated the speech her father used to make.

"Who do you think you are?

"Your future queen, haven't you understood yet? Ron tightened his grip causing Prince Joffrey to feel pain as well.

"You...will...not...be...my...wife! " his fiancé's agitation had dented his words.

Ron glared at him as his father did when he heard nonsenses.

"That's not possible."

And with a slap she had seen her uncle Bryden do, she pushed him away from her. She adjusted her dress, lifted her chin as a lady should, nudged him and gave him the coldest look she could remember, like her mother's when she found out they were leaving without her.

"If the subject bothers you, take it up with your lord father," Ron secretly wished it would and she would change her fiancé to a nicer one.

She turned and walked straight ahead with the grace of a princess.  She had turned her fourth onomastic a few months ago, but she felt as big as a queen. Like the good qualities Queen Cersei must have had; firm, strong, loyal to her subjects and humble to the low people. She lifted her chest with pride, that's how she should be: bringing peace to the seven kingdoms and ruling justly.

@arryns

@ashighashonor

@housetargeryens

@fanficgot

@a-libra-writes

@alanybunnuewrites

@houseofthrones7

@letsasoiaftogether

@lovelykhaleesiii

@megsironthrone

@sansasurvived

@theladyalicent

@tinfairies

@writingsofwesteros

@witchthewriter

[crystal-in-nagasaki]

hello, i'm gay: kyushu pride and existing in japan as a queer person

Hi there. This might be the first time some of you hear this, but I'm a lesbian. I first realized I liked girls in high school, and then realized I didn't like boys in college. It was quite a journey, but I finally feel right. But anyway, since this is a blog about Japan, the reason I'm mentioning my queerness is because I want to share a bit about LGBT culture in Japan from my experience, and maybe a bit about how I navigated dating and met my partner here.

*As a note to those not in the community: the label "queer" used to be a bigoted slur against LGBT people, but now is used by LGBT as an umbrella term, because the acronym LGBTQIA+ is getting long and saying queer to refer to all of it is just easier. So when I refer to myself and others as "queer," I just mean I'm a member of the LGBT community, and there's no negative connotation attached.

Although Japan is a first-world country with many of the same conveniences of modern life as the US, their culture surrounding LGBT issues is lacking to say the least. LGBT people in Japan definitely exist and have carved out their own spaces in Japan's larger cities, but gay men and lesbians do not have the federal legal right to marry, and there are not many protections in place for LGBT people to have medical care and be safe from discrimination in the workplace, housing, etc. Because of the lack of severe religious affiliation like in the US and other countries, average Japanese people overall aren't hostile to LGBT people, but just don't really acknowledge them or know what to do with them.

As a collectivist society, Japanese people are expected to "fit in," meaning queer people often stay closeted and don't come out to people outside their inner social circles, or sometimes even at all. And with traditional family structures still at the forefront of Japanese society, many people are often pressured by their family to be in a heterosexual marriage and have children. The laws and society uphold a heterosexual lifestyle, so it's difficult for queer people to live an open and happy life.

I only went on one date with a Japanese woman during my time in Japan, whom I met on a Japanese lesbian dating app. Japanese people on any dating apps, not just LGBT ones, are generally more private and won't post pictures of their face, so you often need to meet them in person to really get to know them. I think Japanese LGBT people are open to dating foreigners, but the language and culture barrier can get in the way, so I didn't have a lot of luck meeting many Japanese women.

The one woman I went on a date with had studied abroad and had very good English, so I think that's why we made it to a first date. We only had one date, which was pleasant, but I don't think we had much in common. I was also surprised when the conversation on our date turned to politics, and my date told me that she wasn't interested in politics or voting at all. Many young people in the US are politically active, especially those in minority groups like LGBT people, so I was surprised that she was apathetic to politics in a country where she was denied certain basic rights based on her identity. But politics in Japan are even more of a rigged nepotistic mess than the US, so I guess many young Japanese people don't feel confident in their ability to effect any kind of meaningful change on legislation.

I also learned from my date that she wasn't out to her family yet, and her family was pressuring her to find a husband and start a family. Since Japan is still pretty traditional as far as nuclear family values, I really felt for her and the struggle she must have been dealing with to be with someone she loves but also live up to her family's traditional expectations. We never met again after this date, but sometimes I still wonder about her and whether she's been able to live a happy and open life.

Well, that was a little sad, so let's change gears and talk about Pride. The biggest Pride event of the year in Japan is Tokyo Pride, which usually happens in April. I've never attended Tokyo Pride, but I've attended Fukuoka Pride for the past two years, and it was really fun. As far as I can tell, Fukuoka Pride is definitely the largest and most publicized, if not the only, LGBT event in all of Kyushu. Many people come from not only all over Kyushu, but from all over Japan to attend.

The first year I attended Pride (2022), I went with a group of other foreigners. We visited a small lesbian bar the night before and found it packed with many LGBT women, non-binary people, and transgender men. Another interesting thing I learned about Japanese LGBT culture is that many lesbian spaces also include trans men. I think the idea is to create a space for AFAB (assigned female at birth) people who are attracted to each other, which is common. I do wonder if it creates a problem in which cis lesbians may consider trans men to just be butch women instead of real men, but since I don't have much experience in these spaces, I don't want to spread around uninformed opinions. It seems like transgender women are also allowed into lesbian spaces, but sometimes only if they "pass," which can also potentially be problematic. My partner, who is transgender, was denied from joining a lesbian event because she was told she didn't pass well enough. Of course, this kind of discrimination within the LGBT community exists in the US too and is not particular to just Japan.

Anyway, I got to meet various people at the lesbian bar that night, including one that lived in Tokyo and offered to show me around Tokyo's gay district, Shinjuku Ni-Chome next time I was in town. Just recently, I was finally able to get to Tokyo and take her up on her offer, which I'll share about later in this post.

We also celebrated Pride weekend by visiting Anmitsu-hime, the city's famous drag show. Many drag shows in the US that I've been to are in bars or restaurants, but this drag show is solely a production on a stage in front of a seated audience. The performers wear elaborate costumes which they change throughout the show. They perform comedy skits as well as lip-sync, and they sometimes actually sing too. Before the show starts, they do a bit of crowd work asking where people are from and about their jobs, hobbies, etc. and at some point in the show, they pull an audience member on stage to be a part of a comedy skit. It's incredibly funny, well-designed, and entertaining. They change their shows several times throughout the year, so you can keep going back for new skits and musical performances. I highly recommend it to any Fukuoka travelers!

Pride itself was much the same both of the years I went. There were various stalls set up in a large park. Some stalls had information like healthcare clinics and LGBT resources. Other stalls were general LGBT corporate pandering where big companies show their support and give out free pens and flags with their logos on them. And there were also stalls selling merchandise, like pride-themed goods, accessories, and sex toys.

At my second year of Pride, they also had many stalls from international LGBT organizations like Taiwan and Thailand. Thailand's stand had several Thai transgender women, called "ladyboys" by LGBT Thai people, who came to share Thai LGBT culture. Thailand is one of the more progressive LGBT countries in Asia, so it was nice to see, and the Thai women were really beautiful.

They also had a stage where performances were held throughout the day and emceed by local drag queens. They invited many LGBT music artists to perform, as well as dance groups, drag queens, choirs, and even a cheerleading group. Not all of the performers were part of the LGBT community, but performed songs about LGBT stories and themes of acceptance, which I think was important for allies attending the event to see. Since the event was also free and held in a public park, I think it's possible many random people got curious and wandered in, and hopefully became a little more aware of and empathetic to LGBT people.

Some other features of Pride included a board with letters from various local and international government offices and embassies pledging their dedication to uplifting and protecting LGBT people, which meant a lot to see. People could then write sticky notes and stick them on the letters saying thank you or giving comments to their representatives.

Another feature was a large message board that people could sign with their thoughts about anything related to being or supporting LGBT people. Many people shared stories, expressed gratitude, or gave words of support. My first year I wrote that I was thankful for my friends' and family's support, and the second year when I came with my partner, I wrote that I was happy I could proudly hold my girlfriend's hand in public. My girlfriend wrote that she's happy to finally live as her authentic self and she's grateful to find someone that loves her for who she is <3

At work, I have tried for the last three years to increase LGBT visibility by including Pride sections on the English board in my junior high school every June for Pride month. The first year I displayed a map which showed which countries had legalized gay marriage (and that Japan was not one of them.) I also showed them that there is an openly gay congressperson in the Japanese National Diet. The next year I tried to break down some LGBT identities to students and encouraged them to not make assumptions about people being straight. I also recommended one of my favorite manga, Shimanami Tasogare, which explores LGBT issues in a sympathetic and easy to understand way.

Finally, this year I put up a very brief section about LGBT history, stating that many ancient cultures were accepting of same sex relationships and had gender identities outside of the binary. I also decided to come out to them publicly, which I hadn't really done before. I was really scared to put this up on the board, but I'm really proud of myself for doing it, and hope I can set an example for my closeted students to be brave.

I want so badly to be a good example for my students. If they don't know any LGBT people in real life, I want to be that person for them, and also be visible for any closeted students to know that they're not alone. But it's very scary to open yourself up to others' scrutiny. I wasn't out to anyone at any of my schools before this year. I decided this year to make it my goal to come out to my students before I leave, if not for me then for them. Only in the last month or two, I've started telling my junior high school students that I have a girlfriend. I'm trying to be brave and give them the exposure that they need to see people different (or alike) to them, which I needed as a kid too.

Next let's change gears and talk about Tokyo's gay district, Shinjuku Ni-chome. Finally after living in Japan for over two years, I was able to visit in March of this year. I met up with the friend I had met at the lesbian bar in Fukuoka, whose name is Lenna. She was raised partially in Japan and partially in Australia, so she can speak English and Japanese fluently. She has a Japanese partner that she's been with for many years, and they have a dog together in Tokyo.

Lenna showed me around the district and brought me to a couple of bars to chat with some queer people living in Tokyo. Before heading to Ni-Chome, we went to an American-themed cafe in Jiyugaoka owned by a queer woman. The food was delicious and the owner was so sweet. I ordered an "LGBT," a BLT with guacamole, but told her to hold the G, both because I don't like men and because I get sick when I eat avocados, hahaha. So basically it was just a normal BLT with a funny gay implication. But anyway, it was so nice to be in a familiar environment with people like me, eating delicious American food.

Next we finally headed to Shinjuku Ni-chome. The first thing I noticed about Ni-chome that surprised and delighted me was just how open everything was. In Fukuoka and even Sasebo, LGBT bars are not openly advertised, and you have to do some digging or know the right people to be able to find them. But in Ni-chome, there were signs with rainbows and buff half-naked men on them, queer people in makeup and extravagant outfits in the street, couples holding hands, signs for HIV testing, adult sex and video stores, and even a big rainbow torii gate outside one bar. It was quite a shock to see a place like that in Japan, and it made me really happy and hopeful for the future of Japan's LGBT community.

Lenna told me that Ni-chome has 200-300 bars, most of them just very small rooms that consist of only bar seating. She took me to two bars, both of which were fairly small. The first one was a Mexican themed bar, which served authentic Mexican food as well as Mexican beer, tequila, and cocktails. We chatted with some of the workers there. Two of the bartenders were lesbians. The older of the two was the partner of the owner of the bar, who usually makes the food. Being in a space where so many queer women could openly talk about their partners together made my heart all warm and mushy.

Next we went to the bar next door, which was considered a bar for transgender women, and my partner joined us. There is still a fuzzy line in the Japanese LGBT community between men who wear drag and transgender women, so it was unclear whether the bartenders were women or just gay men in drag. But they were very warm and kind, and they were happy to take my partner under their wing and answer her questions about transgender issues and presenting as a woman in Japan. There was also a transgender woman sitting at the bar with us, and it was nice to have that visibility and know that these people exist in Japan and have a space to feel happy and comfortable.

Anyway, lastly, let's talk a little about my beautiful partner, Frankie. We first met online and found that we had mutual friends in Kyushu in 2023. We even realized that we crossed paths at Pride in 2022 several times without actually meeting each other. We talked online for a bit and then met as friends for the first time last summer.

After our first meeting, we realized our feelings for each other and had several dates before becoming an official couple.

Frankie lives in Kumamoto, which is pretty far away from me, but we still see each other almost every weekend. We both drive about an hour to our respective ferry ports and one of us rides the ferry over and drives back home with the other. As you can imagine, it's time consuming and expensive, but we're just happy to see each other. This month we celebrated 9 months together, and we are making plans to live together in the US when we return later this year. She's so kind, smart, loving, beautiful, and talented, and I'm so grateful to have her in my life.

Well, this post was veryyyyyyyy long, but it's something I've been wanting to discuss for a while on my blog, and I wanted to cover as much about the LGBT experience here as I could. Being part of the LGBT community, the issue of LGBT life in Japan is very important to me, and there is still a long way to go before my LGBT students can live openly and freely. Although I'm leaving Japan soon, I hope I can become a role model for my students while I'm still here, one that stands proudly and declares that I am allowed to love and be loved in the way I deserve.

Thanks for reading <3

[anyu-blue]

~

Honestly... I know what I’m doing most of the time. It makes me sad, but I don’t really see a way out. I’m tired of my feet swelling to the point of damage after one single day at work... I’m tired of being looked down on for only being able to handle 3 days of work a week (if that).. and for my tolerance ever ebbing away. I’m so tired... not just the weird physical tired I’ve been fighting for absolutely too long that I have neither the patience nor the energy to fight our healthcare system to give any single fuck about... but emotionally.. spiritually, if you will. But what can I do? I don’t have a choice in this.  This is the best paying job I’ve had in a long while.. with work that could almost be called enjoyable. But it hurts... it hurts so much. Yes, this is one of those ‘down’ times in the cycle of chronic pain where I just don’t know how much more I’m willing to take because it just.. hurts. I want to create. I can see my own potential. My desire and drive has returned, if different. But I can’t... because so much of the energy I have left is spent just trying so hard to get through the days at work. I just want to stop. To just sit down and cry. But I can’t do that either. I don’t have the energy or permission from literally anyone else in my life but me to do it. Because sitting down and crying about it is giving up. It is deciding I can’t do it anymore... and I can’t afford that. I can barely afford life now... and if this work disappears... it’s all over. I can’t get an interview literally anywhere else because I can’t handle more than 3 days... or the severe pittance in pay they offer. It’s not enough. I wish... so much.  I know it’s pointless... you can’t expect anything to come from wishing. You have to have the desire and then the power to work for it. To make those wishes something real and tangible.... You’re the only one who can do that for yourself. Sadly.. I wish I could go. And I also don’t wish that at the same time. Because I could make that a reality... but I know everyone regrets trying if they survive.. and perhaps if they go too. Everyone hates it. And the unknown waiting... well that’s just terrifying. What I’m doing is drowning my pain in fantasy and daydreams... in surrounding myself with objects I don’t really care about, but make excuses to care about. It’s all junk... I don’t care... I love that they’re fascinating to some part of my mind.. and still I know I don’t actually care to own them. I hate the clutter. So much. I’m trying to make the pain worth it by trying to find ways to travel... by giving myself experiences too... because those are supposed to make you happy... as few and far between experiences are and can be because, again... I’m barely making enough as it is... I’m just really good at money-ing... so I have extra to spare because I am so careful. It’s not enough that I could justify just suffering through with nothing spent and putting it all away over the years and years to eventually retire... it will never be enough for that. Life just keeps getting more expensive... and this lucky streak may not last forever. Though I am fighting to have it last as long as it can... I’m so terrified of this life we’re forced to live... and worse, I’m so scared because I can’t find a way out. I don’t want to live like this. It’s awful... no one should have to live in this state of constant fear and pain... but I’m told it’s what I deserve. That, yes, actually some people should because obviously they’re not trying hard enough.. or they’re too weak compared to the rest. It’s just your luck and someone has to suffer... may as well be ‘you.’ I don’t see a way out... and no one else (no one that cares anyway) has the answers either. I don’t see a way out.

[ethresijournal]

Entry 50

I set up a meeting with the mother in the nearby bazaar. The same market that sera Vallarme has asked me to investigate at her behest - and if possible, establish a connection with the Circle. She was meant to wait there by the time I arrived with Aphia. I wish I had more time to enjoy the stalls - alas, we were on a tight schedule. It was a matter of luck - and partially, the stubbornness of my companion that led to her procuring a guar calf which she then promptly called 'Chess'. A sweet little creature, rather affectionate towards her - a friend she needs. One that is less... crude or perhaps judgmental than most of the people she comes upon. Animals are pure, unabashedly generous and honest in their reactions. Unfathomably... true in their feelings. Their love is unconditional, blind to one's vices and appearance. Perhaps... Aphia is making a better choice of friends than many of us. Alas, I digress.

I met with my mother. She claimed she wished to heal the wounds between us - initiated by her forcing indenture upon me, to Ithri's death... Ah, the years of abuse, hatred and cruelties had been happily forgotten for the duration of the conversation. At least, at the very beginning. She claimed her actions were born out of concern for Ithri - money from my indenture was to be used to give her a normal life, a life without poverty and bias. Her 'operation' was but a gesture of kindness. A misled one, misunderstood in its generosity - she merely wished to save us the life she, herself suffered. ...as if my life could ever be twisted into a grotesque reflection of that whore. She brought it upon herself, falling for a pretty face and a handful of lies mingling with compliments. And when the man had used and discarded her, she too discarded her shame and sense of responsibility - blaming her fate on one which was yet unborn. Myself. And once... I had been finally forced upon that world, I was the one she could finally blame for her shortcomings. I was the reason why she had stooped so low as to let any stranger have her for the night. I was the reason why we lived in a small flat, surrounded by filth. I was the reason why she fell - and kept falling for any rich patron showing her even a semblance of kindness. I stopped counting 'fathers' that came and disappeared from my life by the time I reached the age of Ithri. By the time she was born, I knew my mother cannot love. She may use, she may twist her perception of reality, believing she could truly care and love another being - but in truth, her heart has long been found incapable of a genuine feeling. Even to her daughters.

Her words felt empty. Her 'mercy' - excuses of a limited mind, hateful towards her past, resentful of her present life. Her intentions, true intentions - of mending the wounds with the one daughter she has left in hopes of silencing her conscience came forth rather quickly. Why would I forgive someone speaking of long, family and forgiveness in the same breath as she insulted those I had found my true family? My friends, my companions, my allies. She told me to stay away from them, not fall for their lies and empty promises. To what end? So I could come back to her? So we could play a happy family again? No. I am done sacrificing anything for her. Without Ithri, this 'family' she speaks of with such longing means... little. Aphia tried to incite me to forgive her, to mend what was broken. After all... I will regret it later if I don't. And yet, forgiving her now felt empty and pointless, vain in its poetic dishonesty. So... ...I did not. I told her I wished to never see her again.

I have little regrets about my decision, considering what followed. She did not take kindly to my final decision - and so, the cruel words followed. Tale of her meeting with Rivras, of him offering her close cooperation with the Circle. She claimed she is meant to take up an important role in the ongoing expansion to Morrowind. To lead one of the hideouts. And yet, even in her vain, rotten mannerisms, I had seen the confidence of a woman who takes a certain degree of satisfaction, as if the fact it was true gave additional venom to her words. It was not a lie. No. Her lies are never used as a weapon if the truth can be that much more damaging. Perhaps... it is one of the few good traits about her. She's rarely a liar, she enjoys spreading the truth in her malice. It is perhaps why the words that followed-... She shared them to hurt me. I have no doubts about her intention. She spoke of him, of their unusual 'bond', that drew the man to trust her so. After all... 'He saw me naked' she proclaimed proudly, her gaze drawn to Aphia, as if hoping my shame will be that worse if another will overhear it. 'His lips were so soft'. She added. ...why did it matter? Why should I care?

...mother dearest, trying to mend the wounds by mingling with the group I called my own. Family, I called my own. Seducing those I cared for, lest I grow too attached and think myself anything beyond a friend, or a plaything. ...mother dearest. Always knowing where to strike.

[theswarmanthology]

Ash Reverie, 26, Ireland

"I used to be very active in the fanbase as a teenager. Especially in the community section on their website, which was my save haven as a very troubled teen. They recently took it all down with no warning and I'm honestly devastated to see all my old writing and blog posts gone - it's like losing my diary, and I wish they'd given a heads up so I could have saved it all. But I digress. Once I turned 18, I - for some bizarre reason - got it into my head that *adults* can't engage in fan culture so I basically made myself miserable for a few years before realizing that's ridiculous. But, now I honestly feel pretty lost, and on the outskirts of it."

Fast Facts: How long have you been a fan?: 9+ years Did you get to see MCR live before this tour?: No, this tour was my first time seeing MCR How many shows on this tour did you attend in total?: 2-4 Favorite album: The Black Parade Show experience out of 10: 10 Did you cry at your show?: Yes

Which date of the tour did you attend? 05/21/22, Milton Keynes 2

When did you get your tickets for your show? Was it a struggle, or were they easy to grab? January 2020 - most stressful morning of my life.

Did you attend with anyone else? My boyfriend

What did you wear? I wore skeleton fingers gloves I bought when I was 15 and used to wear to school with a pair of skeleton knee high socks I happened to buy the day they got back together. I wore a Revenge t-shirt with "fire at will" from Thank You For The Venom printed on the back and a red plaid skirt.

Where were your seats? Frank's side. Seated at MK. The seats were actually closer to the stage than they looked like they were on Ticketmaster so that makes me feel a little better about the price gouging

What was your favorite song(s) from the setlist they played at your show? Famous Last Words. Summertime. You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison. Parade. Helena.

What song were you most hoping to hear? Did you get to hear it? I wish they'd played The Kids From Yesterday and Vampires Will Never Hurt You but it is what it is. I knew we would definitely hear Famous Last Words and Helena but was so happy they played Prison and This Is How I Disappear

What was your favorite moment from the show? The crowd singing the bridge of Famous Last Words, just WTTBP in general, and Gerard & Ray being in awe of us lighting our phones up during Summertime

What was the most unexpected moment from the show? Gerard reacting to a cardboard cut out from Parade

Did you snag any merch? What pieces? The Roses t-shirt - I wonder if the reference will become clear soon

Many fans describe seeing MCR live as feeling like coming home. Did you experience anything like that at your show? I mean I cried the whole way through the first 2 songs. I wish I could live in that moment forever.

If you could change one thing about your show experience, what would it be? Milton Keynes is a hell hole.

Has your perspective or opinion about the band changed since seeing them on this tour? If so, in what way? It was kinda bittersweet. Best day of my life but I had such bad luck as a kid, I'd never seen them before. So it feels kinda odd getting used to "new" MCR when a part of me feels like we're still supposed to be living in the Danger Days era. It's a me problem.

What advice would you give to people seeing My Chemical Romance in the future? Bring tissues. Bring snacks. You might have to suck it up and drink pit water so you don't faint. Mostly, don't be an asshole. We weren't surrounded by the nicest bunch at the first night in Dublin (but MK was great), so I made sure the kids around me were okay and could actually see the stage - especially since they ended up separated from each other so I felt kinda protective. Most of the fans are lovely - don't let a few assholes put you off. We let another person who had flown in for the show alone hang out with us all day and made sure she got back to her hotel alright. If you're alone, you'll find some good people to hang out with.

Anything we didn't ask that you feel obliged to share or talk about? This band saves lives.

Thanks, Ash! Her TikTok handle is Ash Reverie.

[gaysimpsstuff]

Could I get a Hawks in his rut headcanon?

No problem, Anon! I’m sorry this took so long, I wanted it to be perfect since I really like thinking about Hawks’ avian traits, and I know people really like it too. I hope it’s good! 

Hawks Rut Headcannons

Genre: fluff, smut

Type: headcannons (so... many... headcannons)

Warnings: animal traits, Keigo being possessive af, the commission being assholes, sickness, food, breeding kink, lots of horny times

Other: most of this is based off of real research, but some of it also comes from personal preference. @keilemlucent and their fic Best Nest very much inspired many other headcannons, check them outI They’re one of my favorite creators, and the linked fanfic is one of my favorites! Hope it’s okay I tagged you here lmao

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy (Lemme know if you wanna be added to or removed from the Taglist)

Remember to check if requests are open before sending in a request. This was made while requests were still open.

Pre-Rut Behaviors

Grooming and Preening

Before his rut, Keigo starts to feel dirty. He just seems to accumulate more dust and dirt during hero work than usual. He’ll come back home grumbling about blood in his hair and little bits of concrete in/on his skin.

He will insist you clean him off. So you get to brush his hair, put creams on his face, and wash him off in the shower.

Finally, there’s the preening. If he lets you preen his wings, then you know he’s in it for life. He loves and trusts you with everything he has. 

Expect him to press his nose against yours a lot.

Possessiveness and Protection

You’ll notice he gets more clingy, more possessive of you. He gets really controlling in the days leading up to his rut, so you’ll be annoyed a  l o t.

Just text all your friends and family that you’ve been swamped at work, it’d be a little weird to say “hey guys, sorry I can’t hang out, my boyfriend’s horomones are crazy right now and he gets really insecure if I so much as exist near anyone but him.”

You would come home from work and he’s already on you, sniffing your body to see who you’ve been around, and to see if any of them were attracted to you at all.

If he had any kind of sneaking suspicion that anyone posed a threat, he’s literally laying on you and rolling on top of you to try and get his scent on you. Even if no one will smell it except him, he’s gonna do it.

He’s so protective of you, and if something tiny hurts you or makes you upset...

He.

Is.

Angry.

Someone was rude to you? He’s screaming at them.

Someone tries to hurt or touch you? You’ve got to hold him back to stop him from ripping that person apart limb from limb.

All that x100 when he’s approaching his rut.

One person accidentally bumps into you? He takes it as passive aggressiveness even if they’re very apologetic about it.

You stub your toe on a table? He’s smashed the table and burnt it then thrown the ashes in the ocean. 

If you’re sad about something he can’t beat up, he feels horrible. He’s not the best at comforting people, so he’s just grabbing onto you and not letting go, telling you how much he loves and cares for you, and just how amazing you make his life feel.

If you don’t give him enough attention, he gets really huffy, and it gets worse leading up to his rut. 

You lifted your hands from his head to reach for your buzzing phone? He’s already whining and pouting and begging you to give him more head-pats again.

Nesting

He’ll leave hints asking for you to make a nest, usually saying things like “Our bed needs some changing, don’t you think?” “Don’t you wish our space was more personalized?” 

If you don’t get the hint, he’ll be very sad, and he thinks you’re rejecting him. So you’d better be good at reading into things and realizing he’s approaching mating season and wants you to build a nest.

He comes home one day and sees you piled blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes in the living room, sprayed with his cologne and you’re cologne and/or perfume. He pulls you into his arms and spins around with you, giggling and laughing.

He’s so happy you made a nest for the two of you. 

He starts putting pretty shiny things he likes around the nest. Your toothbrush went missing and you found it in the mountain that was your nest.

Once, you were in desperate need of a clean shirt, and the only clean shirt you could find was in the nest. So you picked it up to put it on, and two seconds later, Keigo was in front of you, hands in your shirt, staring at you with such a fierce intensity, you felt almost like a villain.

He was very mad at you for taking things from your shared nest.

He leaves feathers all around the penthouse, but they’re all piled mostly around the nest, they’re for your protection so don’t try and throw them away.

Noises

He also gets really noisy, so he’ll be ‘singing’ and squawking and cooing constantly. He feels really bad about it so he might get you some noise-blocking headphones for when he’s screeching into the sky in the dead of night about how “THIS IS MY FUCKING TERRITORY Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS STAY AWAYYYY!”

You really think bird’s springtime songs are about love? Nah he’s mostly screaming about how he’s gonna fuck his partner and how the neighborhood  practically belongs to him.

Someone called the police once, tired of all the shouting, but the officers backed off when they saw who was doing all the shouting. Most of your neighbors are used to the screaming during early spring.

Rut End-game

On the third and second to last day before his rut, he gets a sudden burst of energy and an increased appetite. He refuses to eat anything unless you’ve made it though, so let’s best hope you can cook at least a little.

When he was younger, his hungry times before his rut were spent either eating anything and everything he can get his hands on. The commission broke that behavior very quickly though, so he’d starve himself before his rut, which would result in him getting very sick from a lack of energy and sustenance. That plus the extreme arousal was a recipe for pain and suffering.

So when you noticed he suddenly stopped eating, you insisted on making food for him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him go hungry ever. That was the first rut in years that didn’t feel like torture.

You’re cooking almost all the time, and he’s constantly eating everything you give him, running around from room to room while he waits for his next meal. He’s basically a hobbit.

In the last day or two before his rut, he suddenly has no energy, and starts getting hot and cold flashes. He’s sniffling, curled up in your shared nest, dirty tissues surrounding him. He comes in and out of consciosness, and when he’s awake, he’s whining and complaining about exhaustion and aches.

Physical Changes

Most of these happen in the last few days leading up to his rut, so it’ll be very sudden. These physical changes is what causes the extreme hunger and sickness.

His feathers darken several shades, and they become super sensitive. They also seem to grow in size, so when you cuddle, you’re smothered by them more than usual.

He also gains an extra couple inches in height, so expect some teasing now that he’s just that little bit taller. His hair also gets thicker and stronger, that’s so you can pull on it when he fucks you.

His nails get longer and darker, and they’re impossible to file or cut. So when he holds you and touches you, he often scratches you on accident. He’s really apologetic about it, but honestly you could totally paint his nails and pretend they’re acrylics if you’re into that.

His teeth get sharper, and he starts biting you just for fun. Bites your finger, hand, wrist, neck, even your nose. He underestimated just how strong his teeth are, and he made you bleed first time he bit you.

His whole body is very sensitive, so head-pats, back rubs, wings, and even his touching his feet can get him to the verge of cumming.

his tongue is longer, and it’s a whole lot stronger. He could probably carry a full plastic water bottle with his tongue (which isn’t a lot, but for a tongue it’s very much a lot).

His voice drops a whole octave and a half- mans is sounding almost like Corpse now. Maybe Markiplier? Anyways, if you’ve got a voice kink, you’re in luck

His dick changes too, it gets bigger, and he grows a lump at the base of it, between his shaft and balls. His balls get smaller until they’re barely noticable beneath what he calls him ‘knot.’

His eyes become sharper too, so don’t try and hide anything from him. 

Rut (MAJOR NSFW)

Everyone already knows Keigo has a breeding kink, but he hasn’t brought it up with you until now. It just kind of- happens. As he’s drilling into you, he suddenly starts blabbering about fucking a kid into you, and how hot you’d look all round with his kids. Might be a little weird for those of you who physically cannot give birth to children (my lovely AMABS and infertile AFABS). 

He can’t control it, so it’s especially weird if you don’t even want kids. If you can get pregnant, you’d better double check that you’re taking your birth control. And get to know some good clinics just in case.

However, if you do want kids, if you want to start a biological family woth Keigo, fuck. You will not be able to handle his happiness and horniness in that moment when you beg him to get you pregnant.

He is going to mark you up. Hickies, bruises, hand prints, bite marks, plus his scent. He needs everyone to know that you are his. He wants to claim you, make sure you know you belong to him. No one else can have you but him.

Halfway through your fuckfest, he starts making animalistic noises. He’s growling, roaring, whining, chirping, etc. This is around the time when he stops thinking about you, so he’ll really rough you up during this phase.

This man was a virgin before you, so this is also the first rut he’s ever going to have with another person, so he’ll hold himself back a lot. He needs you to reassure him at every step, tell him how good you feel, how you want him to fuck you, how not only are you okay with him going all out, you want him too.

Did he just cum? You think you’re finished? HA! No way in fucking hell is he finished after one, two, five, ten... so many rounds. He just keeps going and going and going and how the fuck is he still hard? He cums so fucking quickly, so much, and then keeps going.

When he finally does go soft, his whole personality changes. it’s like he didn’t just fuck you stupid. He immediately goes into ‘protect’ mode, which includes cuddles, him spoon-feeding you, petting you like a dog, and singing to you.

He puts the nest near a window so he can keep an eye out for possible threats. Just like “gotta keep mate safe. Is that the mailman? NO FUCK NO GET OUT OF HEREEEE!” 

One moment, he’s fucking you, and the next he’s leaning halfway out the window, screaming at some poor dude walking his dog. Remember, he’s still naked. You learned your lesson after that and kept the windows locked, and warned the neighbors to stay out of sight of the window, at least for the time being.

You’re going to feel very dirty, because he does not want you cleaning off the sweat, cum, and tears from your body. He likes that you smell like him, and you washing it off makes him feel rejected. 

He’s going to break a lot of things, so move pictures and vases into another room and lock the fuck out of that room. Or else he will break all of it.

He thinks any clothes you’re wearing are mocking him, so wear clothes you hate when his rut starts, then get used to being naked for a couple days. 

Oh yeah, his whole rut lasts one to five days. He’s fucking you for about three days on average.

He fucks you until you faint, and then keeps going until he’s out of ‘fuck’ mode and into ‘protect’ mode. A few times, he fucked you unconscious in the middle of the afternoon and then kept fucking you until the sun rose. 

Yeah, he’s got that much energy.

Don’t worry, during the whole time, he lets out pheromones with a strong vanilla-chocolaty scent that keeps your body and mind relaxed. 

There’ve been times when he’s just fucking into you and your water bottle is just out of reach.

During his rut, he has no shame. Let’s hope your walls are soundproofed, or else your neighbors will all know how he fucks you. 

He will not restrain you or hurt you in any way during his rut. So no degredation, no collars or chains, the only thing keeping you in the nest is his weight on top of you.

He gets upset if you try to touch yourself, things it’s you trying to tell him that he’s not satisfying you enough. 

He wants you to cum as many times as him, which is difficult because of his increased sensitivity, so he’s using every skill he knows to get you cumming again and again and again.

Most of the time, he’s going hard, rough, and spilling absolute filth from his cock and mouth, but in the last few hours of his rut, he suddenly gets emotional.

He’s rocking up against you, holding you close to his body and blabbering about you

How much he loves you

How good you make him feel

How he wouldn’t want anyone else by his side for his rut

How you’re his mate for life

How he’ll protect you and keep you safe.

Please be gentle with him, he’s very vulnerable near the end of his rut, and he’ll cry very easily.

When he’s nearing his last load, he makes out with you sloppily, trying to talk as he shoves his tongue down your throat.

He finishes off by  pushing his knot all the way inside you, and stays there for an hour.

This is the softest moment, and he’s covering your body in kisses. 

His knot pushes these small eggs inside you, and you have the lovely job of pushing them all out the next day. 

Post Rut

When his knot deflates, he finally pulls out and starts cleaning you off. 

He’ll carry you around and finally gives you a bath, constantly making sure you’re okay.

He’ll give you lots of massages and he’ll cook for you. He’s constantly thanking you for helping him, telling you he didn’t deserve it.

Just kiss him on the cheek, tell him you had fun, and that you love him so very very much.

He needs the most reassurance now than ever before.

He’s also very tired, so you’ll be taking care of each other.

Then his ‘post-rut’ resets, and he sleeps for hours.

Then he gets super hungry, and the two of you make huge meals and just kinda binge eat for a day or two.

Then his physical changes go back to normal, and you have a happy lil bird boy who simps for you so hard