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ponderingmoonlight · 11 months

Text

Megumi's little sister falling head over heels for Yuji (and maybe Sukuna?)

Pairing: Megumi's sister x Yuji; Megumi's sister x Sukuna; Megumi's siter x Mugumi sibling dynamic (Megumi being a cool big bro)

Word Count: 2,7k

Synopsis: After being set on a mission with your crush Yuji, your big brother and Nobara, things don't go as planned as all and force Yuji to sacrifice himself before you have the chance to tell him how you feel. Until Sukuna appears...

Warnings: drama over drama, hurt over hurt, but also a lot of fluff

Notes: I hate to brag about my own work, but this is honestly one of my favorite fics out of my own feather so PLEASE interact in some kind of way with it - will be forever grateful <3

Tags: @sunshine7queen @selen1um-hexafluoride @sanicsmut (tagging you bc I bet you'll like that)

Your breath gets stuck in your throat, just one look at the boy next to your brother is enough to make your heart skip a beat. Yuji Itadori is a walking green flag, the best boyfriend material you stumbled upon in your life. Just seeing his bright smile is enough for you to feel like flying, his inviting brown eyes sweeping you off your feet on a regular basis.

“Oh look, there’s (y/n)”, Yuji speaks out in excitement.

Despite the fact that you are Megumi’s younger sister, you are the complete opposite to him. Kind, open-minded and oh so sweet. When Yuji joined jujutsu high, you were the first who greeted him with open arms, showed him around, trained with him, gave him every little advice you’ve had. It truly is unavoidable to fall head over heels for you in that white uniform with that smile as bright as the sun.

“Hey Yuji, hey grumpy-cat”, you greet both boys, earning a huff from your big brother.

“What are you doing here, (y/n)? Aren’t you supposed to be on a mission right now?”, Megumi questions.

“Oh, Toge and Panda took over for me as the curse seems to be a grade 1. Also, Gojo-sensei needs me here for the training sessions”, you clarify.

Right, the training sessions. It doesn’t sit right with Megumi that you are partly responsible for them. You are a skilled jujutsu sorcerer, especially your tajutsu abilities are truly outstanding and it’s no surprise that you are the best combat fighter along with Maki. That’s why you grew especially close with Yuji…

Megumi hates the way his friend looks at you with hearts glistening in his eyes and heart hammering so loud that even he is able to hear it. It is no secret to anyone anymore that Yuji Itadori is hopelessly in love with you. How could he not? You are breathtaking beautiful and the kindest person walking on this earth with an angelic voice that could end wars. Only fools wouldn’t fall for you.

But the thing is that you seem to like him too. You, his little precious sister, the one thing he loves more than anything else in this world. The thought of you and Yuji being together alone makes his guts turn.

“Aren’t you too weak for that? You’re still a first year”, Megumi comments dryly.

“Huh? (y/n) is just as strong as you and me, maybe even better. I’m sure she will be great!”, Yuji instinctively replies.

You can’t help but admire him, that beautiful boy with the purest soul. Not even the fact that he inherits parts of the most dangerous curse on this whole planet can keep you from stumbling, crashing and falling for him.

“Yuji, I was wondering if you…If you’d like to meet up with me after today’s training”, you begin, nervously fumbling with your hair.

“No. Way. In. Hell”, Megumi hisses through gritted teeth.

Before Yuji is able to comprehend what is happening or even to answer your precious question, Megumi drags him along with him, away from your striking sight, back at Jujutsu High.

“See you, (y/n)!”, he shouts over his shoulder while waving you goodbye.

“Yeah…”, you mutter, hand dropping in disappointment.

When will you ever be able to get to know him better without your big brother interrupting every sweet moment you have?

“That girl…”

Sukuna leans forward, hand stroking his chin thoughtfully.

You are a pain in the ass, always on this brat’s mind. But you are very easy on his eyes, truly a beauty with decent abilities.

He laughs to himself, eyeing you up and down as your figure disappears.

“This will be fun…”

-the next day-

It sounded so simple and enticing at first. Don’t fight, exclusively rescue survivors, if you encounter a special grade: run. Pairing up with Megumi, Nobara and Yuji. A difficult but manageable task.

Until you got caught in a sphere.

Until Nobara disappeared.

Until Megumi’s divine dog got killed and a special grade curse appeared in front of your very own eyes.

“We can’t leave without her!”, you yell, eyes roaming around in a desperate attempt to find Nobara.

“Not now, (y/n). We’ll find her later, right now we have to-“

This presence. The sheer presence of this creature takes your breath away without even seeing it. There is no doubt that this is…

A special grade.

None of you move, just staring blankly at this thing with its wide open eyes and alien-like appearance next to you. No. You can’t just stand there, move, try to attack it, try to fight.

Suddenly Yuji lunges himself at it, trying to slice into that frightful creature. In the blink of an eye, his hand falls to the ground along with the cursed weapon Maki lent him.

“I-ita…Itadori?”, Megumi stutters next to you.

Time stands still. You can only stand there and watch in horror as he turns around, blood squirting out of his arm.

“Yuji!”, you scream on top of your lungs.

No. No. No.

This can’t be happening. This isn’t reality, right? Maybe it’s Sukuna who tries to play tricks on you. You aren’t even able to hear what Megumi and Yuji talk about, ears ringing so violently that you feel like fainting, sweat dripping from every pore.

Is this how you’ll die? In your first year, together with the boy you never admitted your feelings to and your brother? This can’t be how it ends, you still had so much planned…

“Hey Sukuna, if I die here you die too, right? So you have to help me out.”

“Not true. Even if the part of me that’s inside you dies, there are 18 other fragments of my soul still out there. Still irritatingly enough, I don’t have control of this body. If you want to switch, go ahead and switch. But once you do, I’ll kill that brat before the cursed spirit can! Then I’ll go for that woman. She’s a lively one, I’ll have fun with her. Last but not least, there’s your little friend over there, or should I say girlfriend? What a pleasure it will be to see the light in her fade while she’s staring at the eyes of the boy she loves!”

The thought of him killing his friends with his own hands is frightening enough but killing you…Yuji stares at you in disbelief, the way your glossy eyes are widen in nothing but fear.

“I’m not going to let you do that”, he hisses automatically.

“I bet. But if you’re too focused on me, your friends are gonna die.”

“(y/n), watch out!”

Megumi grabs your collar just in time and pulls you to the side before you get hit full force by the curse. You hold onto his uniform for dear life, feeling like you’ll throw up any minute. This is all too much, way more than you can handle. You don’t want to die yet, especially not here, especially without telling Yuji how you feel. Megumi…You can’t both die here.

“Fushiguro!”

You’re still so young, so full of life…

“Fushiguro!”

Out of instinct, your eyes dart towards Yuji. Control your breathing, gain regulator over your ringing ears.

“Take (y/n) and Kugisaki and get out of here. I’ll keep this one busy until you three are out. As soon as you’re out, give me some kind of signal. Once you do…I’ll switch with Sukuna.”

“You know you can’t do that! Not with one arm against a special grade!”, Megumi yells at him while holding onto you tightly.

“Yuji…”, you breathe out, tears now running down your cheeks like waterfalls.

Please, this can’t be happening right now. What Yuji suggests…

Is his certain death.

“Look closer, it’s having fun. It’s obviously toying with us. I can at least buy us some time.”

“No!”, you cry out while tearing you away from your brother’s tight grip to grasp Yuji’s sleeve.

“I can’t just leave you here like that!”

“Please, (y/n), you need to-“

“I love you!”, you blurt out.

“I love you!, Please don’t leave me like that, I love you…”

“I love you too, (y/n), but you have to go now. Fushiguro.”

Your brother’s eyes dart towards you. Despite he has to fight back tears himself, despite the fact that he hates seeing you like that he knows exactly that Yuji is right.

With a swift motion, he frees your hand from Yuji’s sleeve and throws you over his shoulder, carrying you away from this special curse.

Away from Yuji.

“Come on, (y/n). We’re getting through this”, he interject between your toe-curling screams.

All you can feel is numbing grief. You can’t even hear your own cries anymore, vision getting blurry over Megumi’s shoulder. None of this should have happened. This was supposed to be a rescue mission, all of you should have been running the second that curse appeared. But now Yuji is in there alone with a missing hand, risking his own life to save yours.

“Divine dogs, find Kugusaki”, Megumi’s voice shouts from far away, the tiles underneath you moving in rapid motion.

Until slowly but surely, everything around you seems to get dark.

“(y/n), you need to stay with me. (y/n)!”

-later-

Rain wets your face and takes your sight as you open your eyes. Where are you? What happened? You lift yourself up from your sitting position, eyes darting towards Nobara and Ijichi-san who is about to stitch her head up.

Where is Megumi? And what about Yuji? A lump forms in your throat when memories of your last encounter begin to flood your mind. If he’s dead…

You clench your hands into fist, watery eyes darting in front of you. No, don’t think like that. There has to be a reason for Megumi being missing. He must be on his way to look after Yuji. And you’ll definitely to the same.

Your rapid steps make the water to your feet spray in every direction, sharp and heavy breaths hanging in the air. You just have to concentrate on Yuji’s signature cursed energy. After spending so much time together, it’s no problem to detect him anymore. And then you’ll hug him like there’s no tomorrow. Yes, he probably switched with Sukuna and returned as soon as the cursed spirit was gone.

Something makes you stop in your tracks. Foreshadowing, fear, hope? You can’t tell. But the atmosphere around you changed completely. Is he…?

“Yuji?”, you murmur into the heavy rain of the evening.

“Sorry, he’s not coming back.”

You can’t catch your breath, eyes wide open as the body of Yuji pins you against a nearby tree. These tattoos, that smirk.

This is Sukuna.

You fight against his claws as hard as you can only for him to chuckle over your efforts. No, his hand doesn’t move an inch away from your arm, holding you in place effortlessly.

“No need to be frightened, (y/n). Let’s talk a little, shall we?”

“Bring him back”, you hiss through gritted teeth.

“Who knows why, but he can’t come back. So I’ll keep you entertained”, he replies.

Sukuna wraps his hand around your neck, squeezing ever so slightly. Oh, you really are lovely with your wet hair and skin, let alone the way you glare up at him while heavy breathing. Somehow he gets it, how this brat fell head over heels for you.

“I don’t wanna be entertained!”, you yell into his face.

With full force you rip yourself out of his firm grip and attack him. Fists fly through the air, sending him into a nearby tree.

“I’m surprised, when you beat that brat over and over I thought it was because he is weak when in fact, you are pretty strong!”, Sukuna shouts while running towards you with neck breaking speed.

You were never confronted with Sukuna. Since you know Yuji, he was always able to suppress his presence. But right now… Your blood freezes in your veins, the way his usual to tender brown eyes are lit by raging red makes shivers run down your spine.

“Come on (y/n), give me all you’ve got!”

You fight as hard as you can, hitting him with full force over and over. Until it seems like he has enough.

He pushes you into the dirt violently, rain pouring down as all you can do is stare up into his amused face while he sits on top of you.

“Not bad, girl. Not bad”, he hums amused.

His hand sure feels good wrapped around your neck. Yes, slowly but surely Sukuna definitely understands what that brat sees in you. A ray of sunshine while being feisty, looking feminine while being so strong. Impressive, truly impressive. And how the rain pours down at your stunning face.

“Bring. Him. Back.”, you spit at him, very own eyes glistening in thick hatred.

“Come on, don’t look at me like that. After all I am technically him. Just a much better version.”

“You will never be him”, you bite back.

His weight on top of you along with his hand wrapped around your neck makes it hard to catch your breath, let alone think straight. Yuji’s uniform is now completely soaking wet, revealing his tight muscles underneath. Of course you always knew how well trained he is. After all, you touched him many times before. But this, him sitting on top of you, his hand wrapped around your neck…

You shake your head. But this isn’t Yuji Itadori. This is Sukuna, the king of curses.

“What’s on your mind? I bet you secretly like that.”

You glare up at him and his stupid grin. What are you supposed to do? Whatever is going on, it doesn’t seem as if Yuji will come back any time soon. Is Megumi around? You can detect him either.

So you have to deal with this on your own.

Fine.

One last deep breath. One last spark of focus to defeat him.

As fast as you can you lift and wrap your legs around his neck, pushing your hips through and holding his hands around your neck in place. With full force you pinch your knees, drive your hips forward and free yourself out of his grip. You can tell that he didn’t expect this, that he won’t fight back. Your fists darts towards his face, only inches away until-

“(y/n).”

Just inches before you hit his nose with full force, you stop in your tracks. No, this didn’t sound like Sukuna. Could it really be…?

“Are you okay?”

“Yuji”, you breathe out.

You tear up, a silent scream of relief escapes your lips as you lunge yourself towards him, landing on top of his chest as you hug him tightly.

“I thought I lost you…”

“Sorry that you were worried. Did Sukuna hurt you? Are you okay?”

His tender brown eyes wander along your slightly bruised body while a wave of respite washes over you. You thought he is dead. Or even worse, that Sukuna will occupy him forever. But he’s back, the boy you love more than anything else.

“I’m fine. How are you?”

Your nails dig into his biceps while you look up at him through wet lashes, rain still pouring down at both of you without mercy.

“I’m okay. Especially since you’re fine.”

Your heart flutters, emotions threaten to overflow.

Screw it. Screw all of it.

“I love you”, you breathe out.

And then your lips meet his. Crushing down at him without mercy, through the heavy rain falls. You let yourself sink into his arms, fireworks are set off inside your stomach. God, Yuji could have died today, the second he faced that cursed spirit alone you were almost certain that you’ll never see him again. But now…Now you’re lying in his arms, kissing him with so much passion that you feel like drowning and suffocating.

“I love you too, (y/n)”, he mumbles against your lips, smiling sweetly.

“God, how much I love you.”

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allllium · 8 months

Note

Hey, can I make a Matt x Reader request. Reader is a doctor and lives with Matt one evening Matt comes home with Spiderman who needs help. You become surrogate parents for Peter and think about adopting him since he's a son to both of you anyway.

Peter

~ Sorry this took me so long to get to. I had something written at some point but ended up scraping it 😭

~ Fluff, Maybe a little angst bc Peter is hurt at the beginning?

~ WC: 1,536

~ Matt brings home a kid ~

Being with Matt you've learned always to expect the unexpected. Matt has a heart of gold, always doing everything he can to help those in need. It's a good thing you're the same way. You wouldn't be a doctor if you didn't have the urge to help people but sometimes Matt, in your opinion, helps people that don't help him far too often.

However, one thing you didn't expect was for your wonderful boyfriend to come home with a kid. Okay maybe not kid, he's about sixteen years old, but that's still way younger than you or Matt. And way too young to be doing what he does.

When Matt brings home the kid, the first thing you do is freeze for a second. Who is this kid? How did he get hurt? How does Matt know him? Why is he in your apartment bleeding?

You're quickly pushed out of your thoughts when Matt helps the kid onto the couch and looks to you for help. You immediately jump in, using your doctor skills to the best of your ability. Both he and your boyfriend stay silent the whole time. Matt stays sitting in an armchair to the side, obviously stressed by whatever happened.

It takes a while to patch up the kid, whose name you still don't know, but as soon as you're finished, he falls asleep on the couch and allows you time to discuss this strange situation with Matt.

Why is it that he stays silent the whole time you're busy helping the kid but the second you're ready to talk he runs off to the kitchen, not exactly running off as the kitchen is right there, but still?

“Matt. Explain?” You don't know what to say or ask. A million questions are running through your head as you follow him to the kitchen.

“His name's Peter.” He hesitates to continue. “He's spiderman, that's how he got hurt.”

“What? He's a child!” How the hell is a teenager Spiderman?

“Yeah, I know that's why I've been keeping an eye on him.” He says as if it's the most casual thing ever. As if he didn't just bring me a beaten-up sixteen-year-old to fix up.

“What do you mean keeping an eye on him? Do you listen to him?” You turn back to the living room and collapse in a chair.

“No, he lives too far away. I just mean that I call him and check up on him.” His voice is quiet, careful not to wake the sleeping kid. “I met him a few weeks ago.”

“When you were in Queens? Is that why you left?” A couple of weeks ago, Matt spent a few days in Queens for a new client he met. He never said much about it and you never asked. You never wanted to invade his clients' privacy and you weren't sure he could tell you about it anyway.

“Yeah actually.” He doesn't say anymore and for some reason, you don't ask. Not sure if you want to know the reasons this kid, Peter you now know, could be in danger. You know Matt can handle himself so most of the time you try not to worry yourself but this is a young kid, that you can almost guarantee doesn't have anywhere near the amount of fighting training Matt had.

After a few hours of making sure he was okay on the couch, and convincing Matt to stay in for the night, you both decide to head to bed.

You wake up the next morning to loud crashing noises from the kitchen. You automatically know it's not Matt because one he is a terrible cook and two he is still lying in bed with an arm over your waist. So Peter must have woken up from his injury-induced slumber and started cooking because he's hungry?

You reluctantly throw yourself out of bed. Despite getting plenty of sleep you feel anything but well rested. As you head out of the bedroom you see Peter wearing the old clothes Matt put out for him and trying to cook something in the kitchen. From the smell of it, he's probably not the best cook either.

“Good morning.” You greet him, coming into the kitchen and leaning against the counter. He whips around to look at you in surprise, he clearly doesn't have the same super senses as Matt.

“Oh uh, good morning!” He tries his best to sound cheerful but his voice has an underlying tone of shock and awkwardness. “Sorry for waking you up. I know taking of someone you don't know so late at night isn't the best, so I thought I would make you and Matt some breakfast to try and make up for it. I'm Peter by the end.” You stay silent as he falls into an awkward ramble.

“Hi Peter I'm y/n. And you don't have to worry about making it up to us, we were happy to help. Plus I deal with this stuff all the time.”

“Right, you're a doctor! Matt told me about that.” He puts down all the stuff he was “cooking” and leans along the counter with you.

“Oh, he talks about me?”

“Well, it was that or all the people we've fought as masked superheroes.” He shrugs.

“Superhero? Aren't you a little young to be fighting like you do?”

“Maybe but if I can help people why wouldn't I?”

“You could always be selfish and use your powers for yourself.” You tell him out of both curiosity and the fact that if you had any kind of powers you can't guarantee you would use them to help anyone else.

“Yeah, I guess.” And just like you both stop talking. Waiting in silence for Matt to wake up before you order breakfast.

Peter stayed with you guys for a little over a week while you made sure he was fully healed from his injuries. Before long he was going back home to Queens to whoever he lives with. You know from one brief conversation that his parents are gone, he never said how or who he stays with now but that's not any of your business.

He comes over almost every week now for dinner, one of the only nights a week you and Matt cook instead of ordering takeout. You have the feeling Matt has imprinted on Peter, kind of like a baby duck. Maybe it's because they’re so similar. They can relate to each other in a way Foggy and Karen can’t. Well, Frank can but he and Matt don’t exactly get along.

Today is one of the days that he’s gonna be coming over for dinner. You and Matt are in the kitchen making a new pasta dish.

“So I wanted to ask you a question?” Matt suddenly tells you, while in the middle of stirring the pasta sauce.

“You know you don't have to ask to ask a question right?” It doesn't matter how many times you say it, Matt will always warn you before asking a question. Most likely because he's worried about bothering you.

He lets out a deep chuckle. “I know, sweetheart, but I'm worried you'll say no.”

“I doubt it. What is it?”

“You know how Peter lives with his aunt right?” He pulls the finished sauce off the stove so he can put his full attention on you.

“I knew he lived some family member, yes. Why?” You’re very curious as to where this is going.

“Well, she’s getting older and I thought maybe he could come and stay with us for a while.” Not what you expected him to ask.

“Matt, I would say yes to that if I could see how it would work. We don't have the room.” You shrug. You would love to help Peter out but you don’t think he would like living on the couch for at least a year.

“That’s why I'm asking you. You always know what to do with these things.” If he means the way you freak out thinking of every possible solution and pretend to know what you’re doing then yeah, you are a master at it.

“I don't know, Matty. There is about a year and a half before he goes to college, there is no way he’ll be comfortable here for that long.”

“I know. Believe me, I’ve been thinking of a way this could work. I just don’t want him to be alone.”

“He won’t be. Even if he can’t live here he’s always welcome.” And just by saying that you come up with the perfect idea.

A few weeks later it worked. Somehow everything magically fell into place. At the end of your previous conversation about it, you told Matt how great it would be if Peter could have his own apartment close to yours and magically one became available in the same building. Being sixteen, Peter obviously couldn't pay for the place himself but you were able to help out, having some extra money due to being a good doctor.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Matt comes up to you. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Eh, you’re rubbing off on me.” You grumble with a fake annoyance.

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jessicaloons · 2 months

Text

Chapter 48:

Am I allowed to cry?

Masterlist - Previous - Next

I didn’t really listen, the look on Dr. Friese’s face when he entered the room was enough for me to know exactly what he was about to say. The deep crease between his eyebrows, the sadness, almost pity, in his eyes. The way he sat down, tapping away on his tablet, before he turned it around, shoving it towards Charles and me. Charles who scooted closer to the table immediately, looking at the pictures, the scans, listening to what the doctor had to say. I looked out the window, watched a bird sitting in the tree, preparing to take off. Its life would be over in an instant, would it break one of its wings, losing the ability to fly, not able to do what it's meant to be doing. Losing its purpose. A bird was meant to fly. A racing driver was meant to race. What was my purpose, if I lost the ability to race?

"Cara mia?" Charles gently squeezed my thigh and I looked at him.

"Sorry, what?"

"The pain, is it only when you're in the car? Or also when you train? Or maybe even right now?" Dr. Friese asked and I shook my head

"Only in the car, but not straight away… it’s kinda like building up with each lap… and yeah sometimes after an intense work out..."

"Okay..." he wrote something down and I took a deep breath.

"Can I finish this season?" I looked at him and he stopped writing.

"Lizzie..." Charles began but I shook my head.

"If its gets worse than this, I'll stop, but just in theory, could I finish this season?"

"Well, the pain won't get better, that's for sure, but if we do weekly scans and I can keep an eye on your spine, I'd say yes... it's possible. But of course, I would advise against it. The risk of a crash is still evident and we don't know what will happen then…" Dr. Friese looked at me intently.

"Lizzie… it’s too risky. Only one bad crash…" Charles took my hand in his.

"Formula 1 is a dangerous sport and will always be... your words. I could be perfectly healthy and have a bad crash... that's the risk we're willing to take whenever we get in the car, Charles."

He sighed, squeezing my hand, before he nodded slowly.

"The moment it gets worse..." he began.

"... I'll stop. Over. Done." I reassured him, looking at Dr. Friese "I promise."

"I guess I have to set up a plan then how I can keep tabs on you, while you're gone..." he smiled a little.

"Thanks, doc. Really. I appreciate it."

"I shouldn't say that, a doctor shouldn't have favourite patients. But would I have some, you'd be high up on the list... and for your favourites you're willing to go the extra mile..." he chuckled and I laughed.

"Well, I can say that you're my favourite doc!" I got up and he sighed.

"I guess you should give your other favourite doc a call... the next weeks will be tough, once its fully sinking in that you only have... how many races left?"

"8..." Charles said, looking at me and I swallowed hard. Only 8 races left

"I don't think that I need to talk to Dr. Lindner. I'm fine. This is what has to be done." I said, feeling how the tightness in my chest got worse.

"Maybe a little talk would still do you some good..."

"Yeah, maybe. If it fits into my already tight schedule." I joked forcingly.

"Alright... if you don't have any more questions, that's it for today." Dr. Lindner closed the folder in front of him and I got up.

"Alright, always good to see you, doc." I smiled one last time and was already out through the door, while Charles was saying his goodbyes, following me.

"Are we on the run, Speedy Gonzalez?" he chuckled, taking my hand and slowing me down.

"No, but we're only here for a couple of days and I don't want to waste more time in here." I quipped back and he stopped "What?"

"This wasn't a waste of time... cara mia, you promised it!" he looked at me.

"No! Not a waste of time being here and talking to Dr. Friese! I meant spending more time in here. Hence why I want to leave so fast!" I reassured him and he studied my face for a moment, before he nodded slowly, and we continued walking "I made a promise and I'll keep it, don't worry!"

"Okay... that's good to know." he said, his voice relieved.

"Yeah... it is." I swallowed hard, smiling at Charles when he opened the door for me and I sat down in the passenger seat.

"Cara mia?" Charles put his hand on my arm and I looked at him "Your turn..." he nodded towards the cards in the middle of the table.

"Oh... yeah..." I shuffled through my deck of cards and put one down "Sorry..."

"It's okay, you have a lot on your mind..." Charles whispered, and I sighed.

"Yeah…"

"Uno!" Liam chirped, throwing a card down, leaving him only with one remaining "You know why I always win? Because I'm not chatting all the time..."

"You're absolutely right, sorry." Charles ruffled his hair.

"Its okay, I like winning..." Liam shrugged his shoulders, and I chuckled a little "Last weekend, you should've seen me! I won all 3 races!"

"Pops showed us the videos, don't worry. You were amazing!" Charles said and I nodded.

"When you retire one day, I can take over your seat. That way still a Doetterer is driving in F1." Liam smiled at me and I swallowed hard, smiling at him.

"Yeah, that would be amazing." I pressed out and Charles looked at me, gently grabbing my hand and squeezing it "Anyone else hungry? I need a snack." I got up quickly and walked into the kitchen, taking a deep breath.

"Hey you." Mum smiled at me when she walked inside, a cook book in her hand "| was thinking I'm trying something new for tonight..." she held up the book and I nodded.

"Sounds good, mum." | replied and she looked up from the recipe, looking at me.

"Are you okay?" she put the book on the counter and squeezed my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure. I mean... I still have to get used to the thought that this is my last year in F1... but it's okay. I'm alright." I replied quietly.

"I won’t say that I understand you, because I can’t… what you’ve been through… it was a lot and you would’ve deserved to race for many more years to come… but you know the saying, when one door closes, another one opens… it might be hard to find that new open door, but if I know one thing about you, than it’s that you’re a fighter. You never back down, no matter what obstacles they’re throwing at you." she kissed my cheek and I wiped away a tear.

"Thanks mum, really." I whispered and she hugged me.

"No matter how old you are, you’ll always be my little baby girl." she said quietly and I chuckled.

"You know what’s also a saying?" I asked her and she pulled away slightly, looking at me questioningly "The best comes last."

"I never said that!" she pushed me away gently and I grabbed the fruit platter from the fridge.

"You didn’t have to, I know it."

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

I watched Charles anxiously, cracking my fingers every now and then to the point where he switched seats and sat down next to me, taking my hand in his, all while looking at the screen. In retrospect, it was a stupid idea to let Charles watch the, for now, uncut episodes Elijah sent me two days ago during our flight to Baku. I had to watch him silently, with nothing else to do then thinking about his reaction, how he liked it. I binge watched the episodes all the night I got them, meticulously writing down my opinion, what I wanted to be cut out, or maybe what I wanted to highlight more.

"Stop it." Charles said after a while "Stop staring at me like that, I can feel it and it creeps me out."

"It creeps you out when I look at you?" I asked, pouting a little.

"No." he sighed, clapping his MacBook shut, looking at me "It creeps me out when you look at me like this." he mimicked my staring at him "And that only adds to it." he let his knuckles crack "Look at me with your adorable, normal face and I’m more than happy about it. Ecstatic even."

"You’re an idiot…" I chuckled when he leaned over, kissing my cheek "What do you think so far?"

"Honestly? They did a pretty good job. It’s raw, honest, nothing feels scripted… I also like that sometimes it’s just you from afar, following you through your day, your routines. That’s one of the parts Elijah wants you to narrate I guess?"

"Yup. He gave me kind of a transcript with all the moments he wants me to do a voice over… it’s not too much, thank god, but yeah, a little still."

"I like the interview sequences. Elijah really got a lot of important people in front of his camera… Seb, Lewis, Max, that are world champions praising you. Fred, Toto Wolff and Christian Horner? Team principals of the biggest teams! Susie! How proud she was, talking about how amazing it is having a girl on the grid. All the important journalists? And they all only had praise for you. Amazing." Charles pulled me close and I snuggled into him.

"My favourite interviews are the one with you and our family… friends… people that know me the best. Who were always by my side…" I whispered and opened up the MacBook, a still image of one of our karting weekends in 2013, Charles, Arthur, Dad, Hervé all sitting together around a table, playing cards. Lorenzo, Jules and I crouched down next to Charles' kart looking at the engine "I’m so thankful that our parents always filmed everything we ever did."

"Yeah… a good way to keep all our memories for all eternity."

"What did you think about-… umm…" I trailed off.

"Your accident? How they captured it?" he asked and I nodded.

"JK told me filming my way back to full strength would be an extra motivation… and always when I watched the clips back then… it really was helping me… but now for the whole world to see?" I swallowed hard.

"It was amazing… Lizzie it was so pure. I think seeing you this vulnerable? This broken? And how you fought your way back? It’s inspiring. When people will see what you had to go through, what you had to endure to be where you are today? All the horrible things that people said about you and your condition? These people will be so ashamed of themselves." Charles voice was wavering a little "I’m so incredibly proud of you, cara mia. I know it’s not easy, showing the world these clips, but you’re so freaking brave and strong." he kissed me gently and when he pulled away he kissed my forehead, wiping away the few tears that had escaped.

"I wouldn’t be this brave and strong without you, I hope you know that…"

"No, you did that yourself. You alone. My strong girl." his smile made my insides melt.

"I was never alone. I always had you by my side." I beamed at him and he chuckled a little.

"Yeah because that’s how it’s meant to be. It’s you and me-…"

"…- against the world." I finished and he nodded.

"Exactly. You and me. Against the world. Always."

"Hey Lizzie. Sorry your race ended this early today." Natalie Pinkham from SkyUK was the first stop today and I shook my head a little "Tell us what happened there? It looked like you were slipping off the track a little?"

"Yeah. It’s been quite cold the last days, so the track was quite cold as well and then the slight rain right when the race started. The weekend started not the best, but we managed to turn it around… yeah it’s a shame really." I replied and she nodded.

"You have to go to the stewards later on, for causing a collision, do you think it’s fair, being called in for this incident?"

"Honestly? No I don’t think so, George was giving me enough space, I gave him enough space. That I would hit such a wet patch that literally made me loose my rear entirely was out of my hand. George tried to swerve around me, but he must’ve hit the same wet patch because he struggled all of a sudden as well and here we are. Both cars out, race over." I explained when George walked into the media pen "Give me a sec, please." I turned to him and he smiled a little "I’m sorry mate, I really tried to control the rear, but I couldn’t hold it. Sorry…" I hugged him.

"The track was pretty slippery there. You couldn’t do much and when I tried to swerve around you I lost the car as well. I felt myself literally sliding off and thought blimey this is it, I’m out." he patted my arm and I smiled "I guess I’ll see you at the Stewards then later on, ridiculous…"

"Yeah. A little… but see you then." I walked back to Natalie "Sorry. Where were we."

"So no bad blood between you two?" she asked and I smiled.

"Racing accidents like this happen, why we have to see the Stewards? I don’t know. Just look back at Spa for example. Wet track. I wanted to give Sainz some space so he can overtake me, because he was faster and fighting him off constantly was destroying my tires. When he overtook me he lost his rear a little and sent me into the barriers. Racing accident. He didn’t have to go to the Stewards and that was the right decision." I replied and she nodded apologetically.

"Let’s hope for a good outcome, then! One last question. Next up we have Singapore where you last year almost won. What’s the goal for this year?"

"This year? I’ll win it of course!" I chuckled.

"Alright, you do that!" she smiled and I nodded, walking to the next interview, I stopped, watching on of the screens how Charles took the checkered flag, winning the race, closing the gap to Max to only 1 point.

"Lizzie?" Julie pushed me gently forward and I nodded.

"Sorry. It’s just… 1 point, you know? I just knew it from the start of the season… this year, is his year. This year, Charles will win."

I sat in front of the conference room, waiting to be called in when Daniel plopped down next to me.

"What’s up kiddo." he nudged my shoulder and I looked at him, eyebrows raised "Something’s bothering you, I can tell."

"Last year I could’ve won here… this year…" I looked around, making sure no one was listening in on us "… this year it’s my 7th last race ever… I have to win it. So I could at least win 2 out 5 of the races I always dreamt of winning."

"Hockenheim… and what are the remaining ones?"

"Spa, Monza, Monaco…" I sighed and he nodded "You know, I would love to win another race before-…" I stopped, the tightness in my chest whenever I thought about the end of the season these days returned.

"I understand… it’s the worst feeling, knowing that you won’t drive next season… although your situation is… worse… sorry." he threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side "But think about it that way, you’ll be healthy, you can run around with your kids one day, play with your nephews, god children…"

"Yeah… you’re right." I said, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, fighting the tears that were stinging my eyes.

Thankfully the doors to the conference room opened before Daniel could see me wiping away a tear and we both got up, walking inside where shortly after the press conference started.

"Coming now to you, Lizzie. Last year you almost won here but had a bad crash right in the last corner, what is possible this year?" Tom Clarkson asked and I picked up the microphone, Sainz at the end of the sofa tensing visibly.

"Last year was a close one. I honestly could taste the champagne already…but yeah… this year? I think our car will work brilliantly here and Valtteri and I can annoy the big boys a little. Watch out Charles and Max…" I replied and Daniel next to me laughed.

"So you’re here to fight?"

"Oh yeah. Let the games begin." I chuckled and he opened up the floor for some questions.

"Kate Greer, BBC. Question for Carlos. It got a little quiet around you and your seat for next season? Audi didn’t work out, multiple sources said that you signed with Williams, but nothing was confirmed, then new rumours about Alpine. Did you make your final decision where you’ll be driving next season?" the middle aged red haired lady in the second row asked.

"It’s nothing I want to rush so the final decision is not made yet." Sainz answered and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes while Clarkson pointed at the blonde journalist in the first row.

"John Hill, CBS Sports. Lizzie, Netflix dropped a teaser of Drive to Survive: Origins

but we only got a soon, no air date. When is this soon, when can we watch it?"

"Honestly? No idea. I think in November? That was the last date I had in mind. The final editing is happening in the next days as far as I know and then… you’ll get it when you’ll get it I guess." I lied, knowing full well when the episodes will drop, right after Las Vegas.

"Alright, that’s it for today, good luck to our drivers for the weekend." Clarkson ended the press conference and I got up, walking outside with Daniel.

"You’re a liar." he chuckled as soon as we were out of earshot.

"I don’t know what you mean." I said innocently and he laughed.

"You know exactly what I mean, little Miss Netflix."

"Little Miss Netflix?" I raised and eyebrow.

"Yup, that’s you, and now come on, it’s too warm to stand outside without AC."

"Praise the AC."

I climbed out of the car. Feeling all sorts of emotions. I stood on the hood of my car, basking in the chants of my name, the cheering and clapping. I did it. I won Singapore. The exhaustion was seeping through my body, the throbbing in my back getting worse, and when I jumped off my car and walked over to my team, leapt into their awaiting arms, I was more than happy that the barrier kept me upright, steadying me.

"Brilliant, Lizzie. Fucking amazing!" Felix clapped my back a little and then pushed me towards Charles, who just pulled his helmet off, and walked towards me. When he pulled off the balaclava, I saw the deep crease in between his eyes, how worried he looked, and when he pulled me into him I felt how tense he was.

"Are you okay? Like really?" he whispered and I nodded "You were struggling getting out…"

"Yeah, it was exhausting but I’m fine, really. It’s bearable."

"Okay… congrats, cara mia. Singapore is never an easy race and for you now? You did amazing!" he kissed my temple and then pulled away, looking into my eyes "I’m so proud of you."

"Thanks Charlie." I whispered and he smiled at me.

I walked off to do the interview with David Coulthard, the crowd chanting my name, my team, friends and Charles all looking at me, a look of pride and happiness on their faces. I know I should feel like I was on cloud 9 or on top of the world. But I didn’t. There was a weird tightness in my chest again. I smiled, but it didn’t felt real. It felt forced. But I ignored it, tried my best to look happy, like someone who just won a race. The podium ceremony, interviews, press conference, it all went by in a hazy blur and when we finally walked through the door of our hotel room I plopped down on the sofa, covering my face with my hands.

"Lizzie?" Charles gently squeezed my shoulder and I looked at him "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I’m just a little… I don’t know…" I sighed and he nodded slightly, sitting down next to me.

"Overwhelmed?" he asked and I shrugged.

"Maybe? I don’t know. I’m fine tho. Really… I just want to take a shower and then I want to eat something. I’m starving." I got up from the sofa and kissed his cheek.

"Hey, hey, hey! Cara mia… stop." he pulled me back into his lap "Talk to me. What’s going on in that pretty little mind?"

"That I’m sweaty and stinky?"

"Lizzie…" he rolled his eyes.

"What do you want to hear?" I asked and he huffed.

"Where’s the light?" he looked at me intently and I tilted my head a little, not knowing what he meant "The light in your eyes? I’ve seen how you forced yourself to smile the last days, we all have these times… when we just don’t want to be out there, smile, take pictures, sign stuff left and right, but we do it, with a smile, fake or not, doesn’t matter, not a lot of people can tell anyways… but I can tell when you’re faking a smile. The same as you know when I fake one… but today? You just won a race, but that light in your eyes, that spark, it wasn’t there the whole day…"

"I don’t know, okay? I’m just… I don’t even know what to say… I’m fine, really! I’m exhausted and tired, but I won a race, and I’m pretty damn happy about it!" I looked down at my hands when I felt Charles gentle fingers on my chin, tilting my head up.

"Cara mia, hey… I know it was all a little bit too much the last weeks… maybe we need to reset for a bit. Our next race is in almost a month, we could take a week off, go somewhere. Only you and me. Relax. Reset." he said and I nodded.

"A week away from everything sounds good." I pecked his lips and pushed off of him.

"Alright. You take a shower, I take care of our food."

"Sounds like a good plan."

I locked the bathroom door and got rid of my clothes, my shirt sticking to my body from the sweltering heat outside. Under the shower I took a deep breath, scrubbed the day off my skin. The steady sound of the water stream in the silent bathroom made my thoughts go racing, emotions started to overwhelm me. My vision became blurry from all the fog in the shower. Like a freight train it hit me, after tonight, I only had 6 races left. The final show began. Before I even realised what happened, silent tears were already streaming down my face and I flinched when Charles knocked at the door.

"Cara mia?" his voice muffled.

"Is the food here already?" how long was I in here already?

"Yeah, it just arrived."

"5 minutes." I turned off the water and stepped out the shower, wrapping a towel around myself. I looked into the fogged up mirror, wiping it clean with my hand and looked at myself. My eyes were slightly red, cheeks puffy. I splashed some cold water in my face, before I turned to grab my clothes, realising just then that I forgot to take fresh clothes with me. Towel wrapped around my body I walked outside, Charles sitting on the sofa, zapping through the different tv channels.

"Look at you…" he winked at me and I rolled my eyes a little when I pulled one of his t-shirts over my head "The prettiest t-shirt thief there is."

"Where?" I asked and he chuckled while I was pulling on some shorts, wrapping my hair in another towel before I sat down next to him.

"I ordered some different stuff, I didn’t know what you would want." he nodded to the table and I smiled.

"I think that’s enough." I filled my plate with some pasta, salad and veggies and leaned back, feeling his gaze one me.

I ignored it and started to eat and after a while Charles did the same.

"Philippines?" he said after a while and I looked at him "We could go to the Philippines? It’s not that far away, we can go straight from here?"

"I didn’t pack for a tropical island!" I chuckled and he laughed.

"And? It’s not like we couldn’t go shopping tomorrow, no?"

"Are you serious? Straight from here? But-but…" I stammered and he cocked an eyebrow.

"But what?" he asked "We book a flight on Tuesday, tomorrow we go shopping, buy everything that we need and then we leave the next day." he grabbed his iPad and tapped away.

"But what’s with Arlo? We haven’t seen him for 2 weeks already! And now another week or more? That’s… that’s not okay."

"Cara mia, you FaceTimed almost every day with him…" he chuckled.

"Of course! He’s our fur baby."

"Well he’s not exactly a baby anymore. He’s gotten pretty big."

"No matter how big he is, he’ll always be our fur baby." I pouted and Charles kissed my cheek.

"Alright, alright. He’s our fur baby. But do you think we can leave our baby for a little longer in the loving hands of our family? So we can have a week off?

"Hmm… I think we can…" I said after a while and he smiled.

"Alright. I’ll have a look for flights and hotels then… Philippines here we come."

"Yeah. Here we come…"

Charles was right. A week away from everything was just what I needed. For the first time in weeks, my mind wasn’t occupied by the upcoming end of the season, I didn’t feel the dread whenever I woke up in the morning, knowing that my last ever F1 race was just another day closer. Charles tried to talk about it more than once, tried to get me to open up, but I couldn’t. A part of me was still trying to keep the attitude out of sight out of mind, most of the time it worked, kinda. But unfortunately not always. And these were the moments Charles saw and tried to talk to me about. I dodged the bullets successfully, knowing that he grew frustrated. But for now it felt like the right thing to do. To keep going. Ignore the heartbreak, the pain, the anger. If I only tried hard enough, I could power through and no one had to see me breaking down. Not even Charles. So I kept on smiling, tried to be my normal self. Enjoyed our week off, spent it with snorkelling, splashing around in the water, relaxing in the sun with a cold cocktail. The outside world didn’t exist for the past week. But unfortunately all good things had to come to an end and so

I sat on the terrace on our last night, watched the waves crashing down on the shore. A soft breeze tousled Charles hair as he walked up the stairs from the beach, a beautiful sunset behind him.

"You look like a god, with that panorama behind you." I chuckled a little and he shook his head, cold water drops splashing around "But you behave like a wet golden retriever."

"I take that as a complement... both." he kissed my head and dried himself off a little with his towel, before he plopped down next to me.

"Can't we stay here forever?" I mumbled and he looked up "It's so quiet and peaceful. The outside world doesn't exist and I don't have to think about..." I stopped abruptly and sighed.

"Think about what?" Charles asked and I shook my head "Lizzie..." he sat up and pulled me into him.

"I'm fine. I'm just... you know... getting a little sentimental… now that we have to leave again…" I said quickly, trying to pull away but he didn't let go of me

"Charles... I'm okay. Really." I tried to reassure him but he groaned.

"Stop, okay? Just stop." he looked at me intently "Do you really think I'm that stupid? Do you think I don't see how this all is affecting you? How it hurts you? How sad you are? Heartbroken, devastated? Lizzie you don't have to pretend like you're okay all the damn time! You don't have to put on a fake smile!"

"But it’s easier like that, okay? It’s not going to help me when I start crying, breaking down, it’s not changing the inevitable! It’s not changing that I will retire at the end of the season. So I put on a brave smile and say that I’m alright."

"And you think that’s healthy?" he raised his eyebrows.

"No, probably not. But efficient. It works." I got up and he sighed.

"Someone once told me it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human…" Charles whispered when I walked inside.

I tried to ignore the aching in my heart when I locked the bathroom door and sat on the bathtub edge, trying to steady my breathing. My heart almost hammering out of my chest. Deep down I knew that Charles was right, but I didn’t want to deal with it now. Not when there were still some races left. I didn’t want to think about the future. Not when I had no idea what I would do with my life. Becoming a full time WAG? Follow Charles around the globe to support him, every weekend at the racetrack but not racing myself? No. Being at a racetrack to just sit around instead of racing would be too painful. At least for a while. Maybe after some months. Or years. But Charles deserved better than that, because I knew that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t stay away, he would support me no matter what. So I had to get my shit together. I groaned and got up, washing my face. Thoughts like these were the reason why I didn’t like to think about the future. A soft knock on the door made me flinch and I turned off the water, grabbing a towel.

"Lizzie? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to…" Charles began but I opened the door.

"Don’t apologise. I know you just want to look out for me, I just-… I need time, okay? I need time to-…" I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing for what exactly I needed time.

"And I want you to take as many time as you need, cara mia. But you don’t have to do this alone. I’m right here. You don’t have to pretend in front of me…" he cupped my cheeks and I nodded slightly.

"I know. Really…" I mustered a little smile and he pulled me in a tight embrace.

"I’m here for you, no matter what, okay?" he whispered in my ear.

"I know Charlie bear…"

"Okay… you’re on your own…"

"You love it when I call you that!"

"I hate it and you know it."

"Nope, you love it."

"Whatever."

"Lizzie, hey! Good to see you!" Elijah got up from his seat and hugged me "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, thanks… or as good as I can be." I nervously played with the paper straw in my cup.

"I see. How did your team react to the news? I mean… they know about it, right?" he pulled out a folder and I sighed.

"Felix was the first person I called when I made the decision…"

"Okay, that’s good. I mean not good, but good for him, like not good good because he just lost his best driver, but like good so he has enough time to find a new one… sorry, that sounded…" Elijah stuttered a little and I chuckled.

"It’s okay, I get what you mean, he’s got enough time to find the right replacement."

"That’s true… when will you announce it? Or rather how? Any plans yet?"

"No. I’m trying not to think about it to be honest.."

"Yeah… understandable…" he said and sighed, then looked at the record booth and then back at me "Alright, ready for today? Have you ever been to a recording studio before?"

"No, first time… umm- what exactly do you want from me today? I honestly don't know..." I looked at him.

"Oh… umm- basically I want you to kinda narrate, well, your story. We made the Final Cut. All episodes are done, sound and music is done. We now just need some parts where you tell a bit of your story… narrate it, and don't worry, I already have a loose script." Elijah explained and I nodded

"Okay, umm- can I see it? The script?"

"Sure… here you go." he handed me a script and I read through it, swallowing hard.

"Umm- I was okay with showing my recovery, let my doctors speak to explain exactly what happened to my spine and so on… but that? I don’t know…" I looked at him and he nodded.

"I know it’s tough, but I think it would be so powerful… what you’ve been through Lizzie… it was horrible! But look at where you are now."

I read the part over and over, before I nodded slightly.

"Okay. Let’s do this…"

"Perfect." Elijah got up and gave the sound engineer a thumbs up "Just go inside and talk. Don’t think about it. Just talk like you would tell someone your life story."

"Yeah… easier said than done." I went into the sound booth, putting on the headphones while sitting down on the armchair.

"Ready when you are, Lizzie." Elijah’s voice rang through the headphones.

"Okay…" I took one deep breath and gave them the thumbs up and started to talk. I began with how I started karting, how my parents did everything to help me get to where I was today, the countless hours of dad working two jobs and renovating our house. Mum who worked part time, managed all of our finances, coordinated three kids and their schedules. How I met Charles for the very first time.

"… he was shocked to see a girl race against him, but he was super nice, nicer than a lot of the other boys I was racing against, our families became friends instantly and I loved every moment of our time together…"

I talked about how Charles and I made it into the FDA, raced for PREMA in F3 and F2, the day Charles found out that he would race in F1 the next year. How happy we were, although we knew that it meant that our time going to every race together was over now. How excited I was for Charles to make it to Ferrari, how his dream came true.

"… the WSeries was such a good idea that could’ve been something big, something amazing if the right people would’ve worked on it, if Formula 1, the FIA would’ve helped more to promote it… but now with the F1 Academy under Susie Wolff? I have no doubt that girls in motorsports will be no rarity in the future…"

I looked at the script, my hands shaky when I heard Elijah in my ears again

"You’ve done amazing so far, Lizzie. We can take a little break if you need to…"

"No. I’m fine. I can do it…" I smiled at him and he nodded "I’m ready."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and then began to talk about the accident, what I remembered of it and then when I woke up in the hospital.

"I was like a prisoner in my own mind. I heard what was going on around me. I even saw a little bit here and there. But I just couldn't make anyone notice me, notice that I was still there. When the doctors suggested to stop life support... to let me go, I was screaming and crying. Hoping for them to hear me. To realise that I was there, but nothing… but to no avail… listening to your parents making arrangements for everyone to come and say their final goodbye to you? Yeah, that's nothing I'd wish upon anyone. But no matter how much I tried… I couldn’t make them notice me and so I was ready… I knew that this was it but then… it was Charles. Mum and Dad were talking about how they had to call Charles, let him say goodbye. I knew I couldn’t let that happen. I promised him that I would always be by his side… help him through tough times… I couldn’t let this happen and I fought for my life… I tried everything and finally it worked… the doctors realised that I was still there…"

I wiped the tears off of my face, taking about how hard it was to get back on my feet again, literally, and how painful the whole process was. All the blood, sweat and tears I invested. How some gossip accounts used some videos and pictures of me to start rumours about my health condition only to put me down because of how they didn’t like how close Charles and I were.

"… I got hate for a lot of things… but one of the worst things was simply because I was friends with Charles. We were always close, closer than just friends, we both just didn’t realise what it was because it was so natural for us. We were used to it being like this… but that wasn’t even the worst… all the hate I got when I made it into F1?…"

Elijah only shook his head when I spoke about how sexist and misogynistic, not just fans of F1 were, but also journalists, officials.

"… the Spanish media was one of the worst. They had like a secret agenda against me, or so it felt at least… but it was all because of one man…"

I talked about Diaz, without giving away his name. His assault in Assen, then Silverstone, the threats, the intrigues, and lastly his assault at my home, the rumours afterwards that Charles was the reason why I couldn’t race in Montreal.

"… the internet is a place where people just say whatever they want without thinking of the consequences… it was more than hurtful to read that Charles, the one who saved my life, was accused of being the reason why I had to go to the hospital… starting disgusting rumours like that is one of the worst things that can happen, it can not just cost you your reputation… no, so much more. I saw how it took a toll on Charles, reading all of these nasty comments…"

When I was done, Elijah clapped and gave me the thumbs up, waving me to come out of the booth.

"Amazing, Lizzie. That’s it, we have what we need. You did a fantastic job!" he hugged me and I smiled.

"You have an amazing voice. If you ever stop racing and need a new job, you could definitely be a voice actor." the sound engineer said.

"Umm- yeah not so sure…" I laughed "Elijah? I- I actually had an idea…"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"I think I know now how I announce my retirement form F1…"

"Oscar got a win in his second year in F1… Norris won’t like that." JK said when we watched the podium celebration on the screen in our garage.

"He won a sprint race in his first year, don’t forget that…" I chuckled and JK laughed.

"Did he try to talk to you? After his stupid comments?"

"As if… he just said in an interview that he won’t apologise for having his own opinion and looking out for his mate…" I shrugged my shoulders and JK shook his head.

"Idiot."

"I don’t care. In F2 Lando was a nice fella, but over the years? I don’t know, he changed, and not for the better. And since his win? He’s so freaking obnoxious. He reminds me a lot of his CEO…"

"Oh yeah… true." JK laughed, handing me my water bottle.

"Ready?" Julie looked at me and I nodded.

"Yup. Let’s go. I can’t wait to talk about this amazing race!" I said and she cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah sure." she laughed and we walked to the media pen where I started my interviews.

Right when I was done with my last one I spotted Lando and I couldn’t stop myself.

"Any final words?" the reporter asked and looked at me confused and I nodded.

"Yeah. I just wanted to congratulate Oscar again. He’s doing an amazing job since he arrived in F1, won a sprint race in his first year, a GP in his second? McLaren really have a future world champion in their team!"

"Thank you, Lizzie. See you in Mexico."

"Yup. That we will." I smiled and followed Julie out of the media pen.

"You’re evil, she chuckled and I looked at her shocked "Oh stop looking at me like that. That doesn’t work on me."

"It was worth a shot." I chuckled and we walked back to the Audi hospitality.

We walked inside and I plopped down on one of the sofas, taking my phone out when there was a loud bang from Felix’s office.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked and Julie shrugged.

"I don’t know?"

I got up from the sofa and walked towards the office, knocking slowly.

"Yeah?" Felix sounded exhausted, but also agitated for some reason and I looked inside "Oh it’s you Lizzie, how can I help you?"

"Are you okay? What happened? We heard a loud bang?" I walked inside and noticed the big metal whatever it was that was usually sitting on Felix desk on the floor.

"They want a decision." he rolled his eyes and I was confused "They want me to find a new driver for next season. They consider Sainz… I said I don’t want him…" he sighed.

"And now?" I picked up the metal piece, putting it back at its place.

"Well they said that Sainz is a good driver, and I agree, but he’s not what I want and need for the team." he scratched his chin "They said I have time until Mexico to come up with a better solution, otherwise they send him an offer."

"Audi liked the idea of an all-German line-up for next season…" I said nonchalantly and he raised his eyebrows "They liked the idea of an all-German line-up a lot." he tilted his head "And now you need a new driver."

"Now I need a new driver." Felix said slowly.

"I happen to know one… German, available, good driver, didn’t get the chance to show how good he really is, also the son of a legend…"

"The son of a legend? Not bad…" he chuckled and cocked an eyebrow, a knowing smirk on his face.

"You should call Mick…" I smiled and he nodded.

"That I should do… and now get outta here, weekend debrief starts in a couple of minutes. And I have to make a call." he waved me off, laughing.

"See you later, boss." I walked out and Julie looked at me.

"Everything alright?" she asked and I nodded.

"Yeah. Perfect." I said and walked towards the meeting room.

It felt good to know that Mick would get another chance in F1, taking over my seat. Better him than Sainz. But at the same time it felt like the final straw. Knowing that my seat was filled for next year closed up all the loopholes my mind went to escape at times, to not feel this growing void inside me. But with Audi having a new driver for the upcoming season my fate was sealed ultimately and irrevocably. Only a hand full of races left and it was over. Everything I fought so hard for. All the blood, sweat and tears for nothing. After 3 seasons the dream was over. I felt the bile rising up my throat, eyes burning with unshed tears. I made a beeline for the bathroom and just in time made it, locking the door behind me hastily. The moment I threw up, the smell of vomit burned my nostrils, making me throw up even more.

"Lizzie? Are you okay?" Julie’s muffled voice outside the bathroom "Do you need something? Water? Fresh clothes?"

I shook my head, no sound coming out of my mouth, before I threw up again.

"I can’t- I can’t…" I stammered, voice hoarse.

"You can’t what?" Julie sounded panicked, rattling at the door knob.

I clutched my chest, breathing constricted.

"Can’t… breathe…" I pressed out.

"I get help, Lizzie, try to stay calm okay? Try to breathe! I’m coming back with help!"

"It hurts…" I let out, feeling hot tears streaming down my face.

"I’ll be right back, Lizzie, I promise!"

"Cha-… Charles…" I whimpered and my head began to pound, dizziness overcoming me. I tried to steady my breathing, closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. Just trying to breath. In and out. I heard the blood rushing in my ears. Before everything went silent.

The next thing I felt was the cold and hard floor and wall being replaced by something warm and soft and when I opened my eyes I looked at Charles, worry etched on his gorgeous face. A deep ridge between his eyebrows that I tried to smooth out with my fingers, as he sighed relieved.

"You scared the shit out of me, cara mia." he whispered, kissing my forehead and I looked around.

"Hotel?" I mumbled and he nodded "What happened?"

"You tell me… Julie called and said that you broke down in the bathroom…"

"And how did I end up here?" I sat up a little.

"I brought you here."

"Sorry." I whispered and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"What happened? Julie said it was all good and out of the blue you sprinted towards the bathroom… she said you couldn’t breathe…" he cupped my cheek and tilted my head a little, his eyes studying my face.

"I had to throw up and then-… my chest hurt, I couldn’t breathe, everything was spinning…"

"Why? What happened?" his eyes never leaving mine.

"I don’t know…"

"Cara mia, I swear to god… tell me what happened, please! You had a panic attack, that’s nothing that just happens for no reason!" Charles was frustrated, I could tell and I swallowed hard, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming up "Lizzie please… I want to help you. I want to be here for you, but you have to let me!" he almost pleaded.

"Felix will ask Mick to take over my seat next year…" I said quietly and Charles sighed.

"And reality settled in that after this season it’s really over? No loopholes. No miraculous cure for your back. No seat." he said and I looked at him "Don’t look so surprised… you can’t fool me..."

"It hit me like a freight train… I couldn’t breathe… it was all just too much… I just…" I began but my voice broke and I sobbed, tears streaming down my face "I’m nothing without racing…"

"Hey! Stop saying that! Lizzie, racing never defined you! You are you. An amazing, fierce, bold, strong and beautiful girl that has so much more to offer than just to race! You’ll find your way! And no matter how long it might take, I’m here for you. We all are! But you have to stop trying to fight every damn dragon alone, when you’re not alone. Because you never are! We’ll get through this. Together."

"Who am I without racing? Since I was- what? 4? I was always racing! How am I supposed to stop? Just like that? What will I do?" my voice was still hoarse and Charles handed me a glass of water that I downed in one go.

"We figure it out, okay? But for now, you should rest a little… a panic attack is exhausting for your body… I speak from experience…" he got up and pulled me up with him.

"I need to shower first. I’m sweaty and I smell like vomit."

"Quick shower and then bed it is." Charles guided me to the bathroom right when his phone rang "Go ahead. I’ll just take the call." he kissed my cheek and grabbed his phone.

I got rid of the sweaty and smelly racing suit, fireproofs and underwear and stepped in the shower. My body felt too heavy and I was too exhausted to take a long shower, so I washed myself off quickly and wrapped myself in a towel, walking out of the bathroom, straight into Charles who held up one of his hoodies for me.

"Here. You go ahead, I’ll jump under the shower. I won’t take long." he passed me and after a minute I heard the water running.

Curled up in bed, we were zapping mindlessly through the channels. My mind still occupied by the approaching end.

"I didn't even leave anything behind... no title, nothing spectacular. I was just another driver amongst hundreds of others…" I whispered after a while.

"You're kidding me, right?" Charles turned his head slight and looked at me, his eyes wide in disbelief.

"No? I didn't leave my mark or anything, I-..." I began but Charles cupped my cheek.

"Lizzie, you're the first female F1 driver! Yes, there were woman before, but they didn't race like you! You raced 3 whole seasons! Every race! You won 4 races! You have I don’t even know how many podiums! You are the first real female F1 driver. You made all your critics shut up. You paved the way for so many girls to come!" a fire burned in his eyes and I had to smile a little.

"You think so?"

"Do you really think the F1 Academy would become such a huge thing if not for you showing everyone that girls can be just as good and even better than men! If someone left their mark, left a legacy then it's you, Lizzie! You did so much for the sport…"

"I just can't believe that it’s over..." I swallowed hard, trying my best not to cry again, but some tears escaped, and Charles was quick to wipe them away gently.

"I know it's unfair... no one in this world deserves it as much as you. But Lizzie, it's about your health… all these years ago you were robbed of your amazing career as a driver… but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your career in motorsport…" he kissed my temple, holding me against him "Maybe this is your chance to be more present in the F1 Academy? I know how bad you felt that you couldn’t do more, be more supportive… but you had a lot going on yourself with being a driver, so you couldn’t be that involved how you wanted to be… I’m sure Susie would love to have you working with her…"

"Yeah… maybe having a more active role would help me-… well, cope I guess." I nodded slowly.

"You definitely should talk to Susie." Charles suggested.

"You’re right..." I smiled at him, feeling a little less lost "Thanks, Charles, really. I don’t know what I would do without you."

"You and me…" he gently kissed my lips.

"Against the world."

"Uh-oh… he does not look happy…" I said, when I saw Norris walking over, Max looking at me, turning around.

"Yeah, I don’t give a fuck… he pushed me twice and didn’t leave any space so yeah… I did what I did…"

"And ended his chance of winning…"

"Don’t think so… it was between me and Charles after he damaged your car so…" Max shrugged, walking over to the weighing, where Norris stopped him.

His face was red and sweaty, his eyes narrowed to slits and he was seething, his arms flailing around, wildly gesticulating. I couldn’t understand what he was saying but the look on his face left no room for speculations. He stepped even closer to Max who stood his ground, not taking a step back, looking at Norris unfazed. I was waved over for my weighing and took some cautious steps, not wanting to be involved in there squabble.

"You fucking did it on purpose!" Norris almost shouted right as I stepped in front of the scale.

"It’s calibrating. One sec." Jo smiled at me and I nodded.

"Mate, you pushed me wide more than once, this time I just didn’t let you do it and held against your attack. Don’t put this on me. We’re both not innocent." Max said with a calmness in his voice that made me chuckle, just 2 or 3 years ago he wouldn’t be so calm, that was a fact.

"Yeah but your race wasn’t over! You didn’t have to retire! You’re still on the podium! There were no consequences whatsoever for you!" Norris spat out and Max shrugged his shoulders.

"I got a penalty… your team can file a complaint, until then… give it a rest, mate." Max turned but Norris grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back, when Jo nodded and I stepped on the scale.

"I’m not giving it a rest! You can’t handle the truth that you got lucky today. Again. 10 seconds is a joke! For fucks sake!"

"Lando, mate, let go of me. Walk away, calm down. File a complaint. I don’t care, but let go of me." Max said firmly, trying to pry Norris hand off of his shoulder "My patience is running low, mate. So stop this bullshit and walk it off."

"Fuck you, Verstappen." Norris shoved Max hard, resulting in Max bumping into me, right when I grabbed my receipt from Jo, not paying attention to what was happening "This is why people hate on you so much. You never admit any mistakes or fault."

Max looked at me for a moment, making sure I was alright before he turned to Norris, the look on his face changed.

"Listen, mate. You bottled it. Over and over. You had so many chances to catch us but you never fully send it. You made so many mistakes over the race! You went straight into Lizzie after trying to overtake her again and again, resulting in her almost retiring. You needed so many fucking attempts, locking up again and again. So when you drive shit, don’t blame me. You pushed me wide, I held against it. We touched and both went hard over the kerb. Your car was fucked. Mine wasn’t. Period. Now walk away before you say or do something you’ll regret tomorrow." Max’ voice was oozing with authority, still calm but firm. Almost scary, I had to admit. He turned away, thinking Norris would retreat, but he was wrong. Norris shoved Max again, this time against the wall, grabbing him by his collar.

"I bottled it? Only because of your moving under breaking. You fucked up my race, that were important points to catch up to you!" Norris almost yelled when Max pushed him off of him, making him tumble.

"You’re not in the title fight. So get over-…" Max began when Norris was about to lunge at him, but was stopped by Charles and Lewis.

"Lando, mate, stop it. There’s cameras everywhere for fucks sake!" Charles tried to reason with him "You’re frustrated, I get that, but you’re full of adrenaline! This is not you. Walk it off."

"He’s right. Come on, man. This is not what you want to do. Let’s go. Come on." Lewis said calmly grabbing Norris gently by the shoulder, pulling him away.

"Thanks, Charles." Max said and looked at him.

"I’m not agreeing with everything what he said, but that last move?" Charles said and Max sighed.

"I know… it was a dick move… but he annoyed me so freaking much that I just lost it…"

"Mad Max is back?" I joked and he sighed.

"Sometimes he comes back, what can I say."

"But you’re right. He bottled it. That last attempt? It was too much. I mean, good for me, one more podium before I-…" I stopped abruptly, Max cocking his eyebrow.

"Before you what?" he asked and I rubbed my neck.

"I- umm…" I stammered and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach when we were ushered into the cool down room, Max still looking at me.

"You were saying?"

I only shook my head nodding towards the cameras and he understood, sitting down in his chair, looking at the replay of his and Norris’ incident.

"Oh damn… mad Max is really back." Charles chuckled and sat down on his chair when Max groaned.

"I’ll never get rid of that name, no?"

"Nope. Never."

Las Vegas didn’t change a bit. Shows and events left and right. Formula 1 more a circus than a sport.

"I hate it. I hate it. I hate it." I groaned, taking off my shoes "We’re getting paraded around like some exotic animal. Urghhh. I hate it!"

"Yeah… you’ve mentioned that before." Charles chuckled.

"It’s unfair that we have to go to opening ceremonies, parties, shit whatever they have and then also attend media day tomorrow! What was tonight? Or last night?"

"Do you want to share a room with Max tonight? So you can complain a little together?" he shrugged his shoulders and I threw a pillow at his head.

"You know what? I’m glad that I retire! I don’t have to do this media shit all the time."

"And you think you won’t have any media duties for the F1 Academy?" Charles raised an eyebrow.

"Probably, but it’s not the same. Then it would be my job. As a driver my job is to race…"

"You’ll talk to Susie tomorrow?"

"Yeah. We’ll meet up in the afternoon." I smiled and he nodded.

"It’s going to be amazing, you’ll see." he hugged me and kissed the side of my head "She’ll be over the moon."

"I hope so." I said and when I had to attend the media pen the next day, my mind was constantly at the meeting with Susie.

When it was finally time to meet her I nervously bounced my leg up and down, waiting for her to arrive.

"You look awfully nervous." a voice behind me made me flinch and I got up "Hi Lizzie, how are you?" she hugged me and we sat down.

"I’m- I’m good. Yeah… busy weeks. But over all I’m doing good. What about you? How’s the F1 Academy progressing?" I asked right when a waiter came and took in our orders.

"It’s going great. I mean you’ve seen yourself what we’ve done the last weeks. It’s going in the right direction…"

"You’ve outdone yourself. Really. These girls? You change their life’s forever and I wish I could’ve done more…" I began but Susie waved me off.

"You’re a driver yourself. With a busy schedule. I didn’t expect you to be present all the time! You’ve done your best and the girls appreciate it. I appreciate it." she smiled.

"Okay, I don’t want to beat around the bush… although it’s nice to talk to you, I didn’t ask for this meeting just to have a nice chat…"

"I figured…" she chuckled, thanking the waiter who brought our drinks "So Lizzie, what is it, you want to talk about."

"I want to be more involved in the F1 Academy. I’m not talking about coming to a race here and there or have a little chat with the girls from time to time. I’m talking about real involvement. I want to work with you, by your side. Organise events, workshops, whatever it is you need help with. I’m in. 100%." I looked at her and she took a long sip of her drink.

"And how will you do that, being a full time driver? Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have you fully on board, I just don’t see how. I don’t want you to juggle between being a driver and work with me in the F1 Academy…"

"I’m retiring at the end of the season." the moment it was out, Susie looked at me with wide eyes.

"Why? What happened?"

"I wasn’t honest… after my accident the doctors told me to stop racing. I didn’t listen, now I’m paying the price. With every race more that I do, the possibility of my spine being damaged permanently is getting more and more until I might not be able to walk again…"

"I’m so sorry Lizzie! I had no idea that it was this bad…" she squeezed my hand and I smiled.

"It’s okay. It took a while to accept it, but thanks to Charles I know now that racing doesn’t define me. I define myself. And I want to work for you. Help you to establish the F1 Academy. Make everyone talk about it." I said determined and she looked at me for a moment, then she raised her glass.

"Welcome aboard, Lizzie. I’m really looking forward to work with you."

"Thank you for this chance!"

We clinked our glasses together and with a big smile on my face I returned to our hotel room, Charles already laying in bed.

"And?" he asked when I walked in.

"Amazing. Really. Best idea ever. Thank you, Charles! Really! Thank you so much." I kissed him and I felt the smile on his lips.

"I didn’t do anything. That was all you!" he chuckled but I shook my head.

"No. Everything I ever achieved was because of you, or at least partly. I wouldn’t be here without you and… just to think how scared and lost I was the last weeks thinking about what to do next year? You gave me new hope. You just-… you made me happy again…" I looked him in the eyes and he cupped my cheeks, not tearing his eyes away.

"It’s back…" he whispered after a while and I was confused "That spark… in your eyes. It’s back. It’s not that big, bright light like usually, but we’re getting there." he pecked my lips and I smiled.

"If there is a spark, then just because you ignited it…" I breathed out against his lips and for a moment we were quiet, then we both burst out into laughter "Oh god how freaking cheesy."

"Netflix should hire us to write them some dialogues for their next cringeworthy romcoms." Charles laughed and I nodded "But for real, cara mia. I’m happy that you’re happier again."

"Me too… and now, it’s time for bed. You have a race to win on Saturday? Sunday? I have no idea. I’m so lost in the time zones." I got rid of my clothes.

"You could win too, you know?"

"Nope. Our car won’t work here that well. So you have to win, wipe that cocky grin off of Max’s face." I walked towards the bathroom, turning around "Care to join me?"

"I thought you would never ask!"

"I told you, you would win!" I jumped into Charles arms, as soon as I was close enough and he held me tight "You’re now 16 points ahead of Max!"

"I love you for having our exact points always in your mind." he kissed my forehead and I chuckled.

"I have to! It’s not every day that your boyfriend could become a world champion!"

"There are still 2 more races, Lizzie. Everything can happen." he said but I shook my head.

"Trust me on this one." I kissed his cheek and pushed him towards his interview, walking back to my garage.

"Good job Lizzie, good recovery." my mechanics patted my back and I smiled.

"Amazing job guys. Good points this weekend!"

JK already waited for me with a bottle of water and a hot tea.

"I love you, you know that?" I said, taking first a sip of water and then warmed my hands on the hot cup of tea.

"Don’t let your boyfriend hear that." he chuckled and I shook my head.

"He’s busy being the man of the hour." I smiled, watching his interview on the screen.

"He’s today’s man of the hour and you’re tomorrow woman of the hour." Julie said, sitting down next to me.

"What do you mean?"

"Elijah called. Netflix will drop all 5 episodes on Sunday at 8pm… they only announce it with a post and all 5 episode titles, tomorrow at 12pm and then… well let the games begin." she smiled and I swallowed hard.

24 hours and the cat’s out the bag.

24 hours until everyone who will watch it know the ugly truth.

24 hours quiet before the storm.

"I hope you have the announcement post for Mick ready then…"

"I- umm yeah I do… I wanted to post it at the end of the season tho." Julie said slowly but I shook my head.

"If it’s a safe deal, you should go ahead. Post it…" I reassured her and she nodded.

"It has time until Monday tho…" she smiled and got up "Get ready for the media pen."

"I’m so looking forward to retiring and finally don’t have to go to the stupid media pen." I mumbled but she only shook her head.

"We both know that’s a lie."

"Unfortunately…"

Chapter 48 - sorry for the delay! Tumblr and I had a little fist fight, I won 🙌 with this chapter I have to announce: the end is near… less than a handful of chapters left 🥺

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @shimmermotorsport @janeh22 @kahhorri @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @harrysdimple05 @fangirlforever2000 @skynel09

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made).

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a-very-sparkly-nerd · 23 days

Text

bday present: Don't Leave Me 'Til My Sorry Life Has Ceased

Happy birthday, @m4rs-ex3! Headcanons weren't headcanoning, so I'm dedicating a snippet of a Rayllum Daedalus AU wip to you! Enjoy the angst!

Callum stumbled forward, catching the cool iron bars in his palms before crashing into them, shoved forward by a member of the crew, a muscly Earthblood elf with maroon face markings and sad eyes. He stood guard by the door, watching as Callum slumped to the ground, Rayla's hand reaching through the bars to rest on his knee.

"Callum." She breathed his name like a prayer, stroking her thumb over the suddenly-stifling cloth.

"I'm okay," he told her, setting one hand on top of hers and reaching the other to cup her gaunt face. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. How-" She could only reach so far through the bars separating them, biting a quivering lip as she ran a hand through the shocks of white at the front of his hairline. "What is he making you do?"

"His dirty work." Callum attempted a broken, strangled laugh, and took that hand to press his lips to. To comfort her, even though his black heart was the worst thing to show love, his stained skin the worst to offer affection.

"I'll come up with something." Rayla shifted to sit on her knees, as close to him as she could get, hands taking his face and making him look at her. "We can get out of this."

“I know,” Callum said, none of his heart in it. Like she’d said; sometimes, a person had to lie to protect the people they loved. Even if it tore his own apart in the process. “I’ll- I’m thinking, too.”

Rayla shifted. “Are- have you been in contact with Ezran or anyone? Is anyone…” Is anyone coming for us?

No. Not to Callum’s knowledge, at least. No letters yet. And it was better that way. If Finnegrin got even the slightest inkling that he or Rayla were planning to revolt, he’d make sure she’d die a slow, agonizing death. And Callum would be forced to watch the entire thing– not that he’d be able to make himself look away.

“No,” he said truthfully, glad he could give her a truth that wouldn’t break her own heart worse than the cell was already doing to her body. “I’m- I’m sure something will happen, though.”

Rayla glanced around, biting her lip to prevent any more tears making their way down her cheeks. “Callum, I’m scared,” she breathed for only his ears.

Callum held her tighter. She scarcely ever let herself feel fear, much less admitted to it, so the fact that she was here and presenting that trembling part of her heart… He evidently hadn’t been doing a good job of keeping the true gravity of their situation under wraps.

“I know,” he said. “But I’ve- I’ve got it under control.” Another lie. ‘Under control’ was simply keeping her alive, as far as he was concerned, and the list of reasons why could wrap around the continent.

Ezran and Soren and the rest of Katolis, and whatever they were planning, had to stay far away from the Sea Legs. His brother and the Crownguard, plus Villads, had been unceremoniously shoved into a tiny rowboat and pushed far away the second Finnegrin realized he only needed one thing to have his very own personal Dark Mage to do his bidding: the elf sitting before Callum in a cage, thin, paler than usual, and scratched and bloody.

He stroked her chin, tilting it up to meet her eyes. “Hey. Are…” Dumb question. Of course she wasn’t okay. He rerouted. “Talk to me. Please?”

They dropped down, pools of violet becoming literal pools made of tears. "Full moon's in a week," she whispered shakily, as if he didn't already know. He'd begun to keep track of things like that a long time ago.

"Yeah," he said, gazing at her. That's when she'd be in the most danger, the crew likely afraid of her heightened abilities and suspecting she'd try something.

She always would. Rayla's spirit could never be broken.

Callum's had. He couldn't let her- she couldn't try anything. She'd die, and she wouldn't care.

It was selfish, but she had to stay here, hating him for it in her cell but at least alive (even if this was by no means living), because he couldn't live without her.

Gods only knew what he'd do if something happened to her.

“We’ll get out of this,” Callum repeated, a stone calling him a liar sinking into the pit of his stomach and dragging his heart down with it.

Rayla bit her lip as she nodded, clearly not believing him, and he leaned in to kiss her awkwardly through the bars.

“I’m going to keep you safe,” he swore, just as she had in the letter still sitting over his heart even now.

No matter what he had to do for it.

#maybe this will finally get me to work on it lmao #bc its just. sitting. in my head. doing nothing. as wips tend to do.#birthday present #wip #my fic #rayllum #angst #bc i love me my mythology aus

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puntastic-artist · 6 months

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Howdy! I saw your tnmn pirate au and was wondering how the world is structured. How did these people from different walks (er swims?) of life end up in the same place on or near the boat?

OH SHIT Y'ALL ARE EATING GOOD TONIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH LORE FOR THIS AU

SO FUCKLE UP BECAUSE BECAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT

Right so lets begin with the setting and when and where everything takes place.

The AU is set in 1755, kings and queens rule many lands and was the golden age of pirates. The crew comes from multiple different backgrounds, poor, middle class, upper class, you name it!

Mermaids, Sirens (the doppelgangers in this AU), and Harpies aren't believed to be real, as the sailors who have seen them could provide no evidence. Cameras are a HUGE LUXURY item that none of them could even afford so not a single soul was believed. However some folks believed in these stories but have inevitably mixed them all up as time goes by (it's why nobody can agree on if Sirens are mermaids or bird people or just a type of mischievous creature of the seas), and as of the AUs present date nobody has gotten a sighting of any of these creatures.

Mermaids and Harpies only go to sailors, usually to mess with them a bit because a majority of the time they're just there to have fun. Sirens however? Their only goal is to satisfy their everlasting hunger by either; shape shifting into crew members so they can board, or luring them into dangerous waters and crash their ships against jagged rocks. Not many have survived sirens, as days if not months of being alone with nothing but rations and sea water will kinda fuck you up a bit mentally and physically, and to catch one you have to identify if they are or are not your crewmate.

Their shape shifting capabilities has ALSO added to the mix up of sirens, harpies, and mermaids and who is who. Sirens will eat mermaids to gain their power to sing hypnotic melodies, and eat Harpies for their ability to fly and their ability to create storms.

Mermaids and Harpies both have the capability to take on human forms! However this ability will usually mean they don't have the ability to sing or create storms. Sometimes if they're lucky they'll have both! But that's a rarity.

But back to sirens, due to the many sailors and pirates who see them, pirates and sailors have begun implementating and assigning an important role to certain members of the crew! The D.D.D or rather the S.D.S (Siren Detection specialist) is a person (typically a look out, medic, or first mate) who is made to run check ups and examinations on crew members to make sure no Sirens have snuck on board... Yeah uh these guys die. A lot.

Character lore!!!!

Right so lets get on to the lore for each of the (currently drawn) crew members!

Angus and Izaack

Angus grew up in the lower parts of the unnamed city they once lived in, while Izaack grew up in the upperclass as his father was a nobleman. Still the two did everything together growing up. To try and earn Angus some extra cash when he went out to swindle money out of unsuspecting upperclassmen, Izaack would take some "cheap" jewelry nobody would miss and give it to Angus to sell!

This tactic could no longer work as well when they became adults though because Izaack's parents would lose their money gradually. So because Angus was on the verge of living on the streets and his buddy was slowly losing funds, he came up with an idea, the two of them could take a ship, go on an exploration around the world to find hidden treasures, and return home and live the rest of their lives with new found wealth! So they snuck on a Navy ship and set sail. Should be no problem right? No. Angus and Izaack stole it in the middle of the day and now their whole town thinks Angus kidnapped the nobleman's son and there's now a bounty on his head. They're (somehow) making it work though! Angus is the captain and Izaack is the first mate!

The twins

Selenne and Elenois are actually insanely powerful and rich women! However they have tricked the local land population into believing they're humans, as they are a mermaid and harpy respectfully! They get their insane riches from stealing from other pirate ships or from shipwrecks and trade the valuables they find! They have made an alliance with Angus and his crew because they help each other out! Both twins live on land and have Margrette sew their outfits for them (she's their only staff member who is aware they are not human)

Nacha, Francis, and Anastacha

Nacha came from a middle class family who wanted her to marry a wealthy man and live lavishly, while Nacha wanted to explore the world, find true love, and be free from her overbearing family.

Francis is a mermaid who came from an under sea kingdom which... He's not very interested in going back to if he's completely honest. His kingdom was full of festivals, parties, and celebrations galore, Francis just wanted quiet.

The two met one fateful night and fell in love, they dated for a bit, Francis pulled a little Mermaid, and Nacha married him! However because Nacha married a low class man, who doesn't even fucking wear shoes, she got disowned. But to them, it didn't matter. They had Anastacha and were happy!

Slowly though they fell out of love and ended their marriage and relationship on very friendly and sweet terms.

Now Nacha and Anastacha live in a small cottage while Francis visits whenever he can and supports his daughter!

However Nacha and Anastacha were kicked out of the family will years ago. Nacha was struggling to make an income, Francis was trying to support in any way he could, and Anastacha felt completely powerless to do anything. So when Anastacha found Angus' boat hiding as they began to stock up on supplies she took the opportunity to set sail and return to her mother with riches beyond their comprehension, becoming a stowaway.

When Nacha noticed her daughter was gone she and Francis searched for her until they saw her on the pirate ship as it set sail and raced to rescue her.

Now all 3 family members, to their shock, are the new (and before Mia and Afton, only) members of the Cipprianni crew!

Mia and Afton

Their story is very simple! They're a simple, lovey dovey, newly wedded couple looking for adventure and excitement! As they want to spend the best years of their lives together in the most entertaining and adventurous way yet, joining a pirate crew! They promise to aid the crew in their endeavors for as long as they need, after all they have the entire ocean and skies to explore together, so why not get started?

IMPORTANT!

So really quick just because I wanna make it clear: there's no canon ships in this AU!!! Other than the previously established relationship of Nacha and Francis ofc, nothing is canon, if you wanna draw Francis with Angus or Izaack with your oc, I don't mind! Go for it! Have fun! Just because I draw a shit ton of DairyWheel doesn't mean you can't still draw your favorite ship.

Thank you for getting to the end of all this btw!!! It means a lot!!!

Can't wait to make more stuff for this AU!!!

ALSO!!!

Keep proshipping or anything of the like AWAY from my AU. I want none of it.

#punny answers #that's not my neighbor #thats not my neighbor #tnmn #pirate au #angus ciprianni #selenne sverchzt #elenois sverchzt #izaack gauss #nacha mikaelys #anastacha mikaelys #francis mosses #mia stone #dr w afton

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shroudandsands · 4 days

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Prompt #21: Shade

“Behind you!” Amesha threw herself underneath the wide arc of the axe as it crunched into the static behind her. An arrow streaked past in the same moment to deliver the killing blow. The re-killing blow? She hated undead.

“You alright?” Came the rushed words of the archer as he yanked her up from the ground. Her wings swirled around the two of them in a blinkered dance as she reoriented. “As well as any, but bough and oasis meant for living- Unable to tell, to feel, blank on senses more than sight-” He pressed her backwards as the axe swung by them once again. She could hear its blunt face crush through whatever had come towards them. “-The Hawk gives direction, gives aim. But she is-” “Still up top, yeah! Going to have to do without!” “The hells does that mean, Autgar?! Do without?!” Gruff words came in close, one arm swung wide to guard them both and urge them backwards with his steps. His axe scraped against the ground as he swung it out again to dissuade the closest of what she could only assume were zombies. The stench of them could make her gag. “It’s just us, Soem! You’ll have to keep them off us while we make our way back out with Ms. Amesha. Ms. Amesha? I’ll call shots for both of us.” His voice was towards her now, but she could already tell his bow was pointed at the horde encroaching on them. “You can do that, right? I’ll aim. You shoot. Soemrnahct keeps us out of the thick of it. You keep him safe. Good plan?” Amesha’s wings encircled the three of them. The static of undeath could almost drown her ability to feel them both within her touch. The flood of it was overwhelming, that sensation of emptiness that came with their shuffling corpses. If they got any further than a few steps away… Her wings rocketed above them, a light like the sun. “Go.”

Soem crashed ahead of them as a maelstrom. Iron-made fist and steel-forged axe swinging in a simultaneous rampage as he carved a path through what seemed to Amesha to be an unending wave of bodies. Whatever magicks that had been triggered were surely far more potent than she or Sawyer had anticipated to create something of this scale. But these two were undaunted. Teeth grit. Weapons white-knuckled. An arrow of light screamed forth through the crowd. “You see that?!” Autgar whooped with adrenaline-infused glee as he nocked another arrow. Her wings soared down to fly in line with his bow; to accompany the next arrow, the next, the next and infuse them all with aether and soul to burn as bright as daylight. “C’mon, just a bit more! Straight ahead, Ms. Amesha, and we’ll be home free! Stay right beside me!” The wings she left soaring high in the air pivoted and pointed towards each target that the arrows marked, their light bright and piercing in touch so that even the static of unlife couldn’t keep her from feeling it. Which made it all the more cathartic to blast them with lances of water that shredded rotted flesh and gusts of wind that blasted old bones to shards with an audible and horrific gale. All the while she was practically stuck to Autgar’s side trying to not get elbowed in the head as he let loose arrow after arrow. The three of them moved in lockstep under the shade of her protection even as the undead began to swarm in from behind them. Overcrowding slowed them, if only a little bit, but it was enough that their rear wasn’t in as much danger as she might’ve thought at first.

Right until she slammed face first into the ground. Her cry was cut short by the air getting knocked from her lungs, her wings careened out of the air, she couldn’t kick hard enough to get the flesh-rotten hand off of her tail. She choked on spit as she felt the grip tighten and begin to gouge under the spikes of her scales, her own fingers unable to find any purchase to claw her way forwards. The sound of a chain whipping through the air spoke silence into the air. She could feel blood and flesh splatter, shards of bone exploding, the grip on her tail released. Then the shockwave of carnage as the axe at the end slammed into the ground like a bomb. For a moment she wasn’t even entirely sure what had happened. Or that she was free to move. It wasn’t until she was able to hear the stunned exclamation from Autgar that she snapped to life. “What the fuck Soem-” Her wings sputtered back to life as she scrambled her way back to her feet and forward blindly- met quickly by Soemrnahct bodily bringing her in close and yanking her off of her feet. She could feel the whip of the chain in his hand and the grunt in his chest as he swung it back around until the axe was in his hand again. “Alright glad that worked- Last swivin’ ship for the surface callin’ in! Let’s go!” Sawyer practically scooped her from Soemrnahct’s arms as soon as they’d hit the surface. Not before she collapsed the entrance to the crypt with a blast from her gunblade but absolutely before she had any other thought in her mind. “Heartlight-” She spoke with relief, then cursed, “-Don’t you do that again. I know you didn’t believe yourself in danger. I know you didn’t feel anything below. But we knew that something like this could happen. We were already here to investigate reports on strange noises in the night, we had no reason to think they were undead but-” She let out a long sigh as she squeezed Amesha so tightly that the raen looked as though she might just pop. Then she let go. She turned to the other two. They nursed cuts and scrapes, wiped off blood, inspected their weapons- anything to avoid interrupting the short moment between the two women. Sawyer cleared her throat. “Thank you. Both of you.” Both of them shook their heads, but Autgar was first to speak up. “It’s nothing, Ms. Reeves. You’ve saved our rear ends more than we earned. We’re just starting to pay back our debt.” He put up a hand to interrupt Amesha speaking up then quickly pivoted to speech. “Not taking any backsass for it. You’ve saved us from a fight more than once and you came and stopped us from hanging our hats up in shame out of it. Besides-” “We got to learn y’ain’t as on top of things as we thought. We didn’t have a clue y’ain’t able to tell where dead thin’s were.” Soemrnahct spoke up, a bit of a laugh in his chest. “Feels a bit better knowin’ there’s a place where we got a leg up. Where we can help, y’know? Maybe that’s our callin’ in this. If you two’re already so well rounded as to get everythin’ else…”

Amesha, despite herself, couldn’t help but smile as she felt the two of them blossom with pride. As they bumped up against one another and drove each other into more and more laughter- Out of the fortune of their timing, the adrenaline wearing off, and the relief of it all. She leaned against her own partner. Who proceeded to thump her in the back of the head as continued recompense for her thoughtlessness.

#ffxivwrite2024 #/For Whom Sunlight Speaks/Recollections #continued saga of Two Dudes #they now have names!!#and had their win in helping #still love amesha having a complete blindspot for undead/machina/anything that isn't Alive as usual #this is also me being mad that warrior never did anything aesthetically with the whole chains thing #despite npcs and enemies using holmgang for creative shit all the time #i blame bad anime for putting “axe on end of chain” idea in my head

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itzsana-kiddingmenow · 5 months

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𝙟𝙚𝙣𝙜𝙖 — 𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙚𝙚:

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨: 1k

𝙖/𝙣: @qodwhdiy happy birthday!!! <3 AHHHH THE FINALE! hi future sana lol

𝙩/𝙬: raspberries, rough tickles

𝒍𝒆𝒆: minho, changbin

𝙡𝙚𝙧: skz

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕: @someone-who-loves-kpop-saranghae @jeonginsdiary @leeknowstan33 @v--143 @wereallgonnadieonedaybutnottoday @inkytornpagess @lajanaa @a-wild-seungberry @channieissocute125 @soap143 @seungsluvv @skznccmlee @moony-9

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞? 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐮𝐛s🖤

Although the tower was rocking on a single tile dangerously, the boys reckoned they could all at least get a single tile out before everything collapsed.

It all continued normally, but Chan was getting suspicious at the amount of tiles showing up that weren’t writing.

Until Changbin pulled one.

“Oh, great.” He hissed, turning it over and reading what was written.

‘Ribs for 4 minutes’

“NO!! Not the ribs, please!” Changbin begged, eyes widening in fear as Hyunjin grinned evilly, shoving him down and trying to pull the rapper’s arms above his head.

Chan and Felix each handled an arm, and Chan managed to pin it with ease, however Felix struggled quite a bit until Minho assisted him.

Changbin found himself completely trapped, and he panicked, trying to twist away or find an escape.

Hands grabbed at his ankles, and he kicked out wildly.

Hyunjin slowly pulled the rapper’s shirt above his head, which only made things worse for him as the cloth covered his eyes and rendered his ability to see.

“H-Hey, I can’t see anything!” Binnie called out, trying to squint through the fabric.

“That’s the point, hyung.” Hyunjin deadpanned, blowing cold air playfully against the warm skin and watching Changbin shiver, goosebumps forming on his skin around his ribs.

“Aweee, look! I think you’re a little cold, yeah?” Hyunjin teased, pressing his fingers against the bumpy area and watching Changbin buck up once and crash down.

“n—OHO!!” Binnie shook as Hyunjin massaged gently into the area with his warm hands, the sensation tingly enough to send fire shooting down his nerves but not enough to even make him giggle.

So he just trembled in place, nobody responding as Jisung called the timer to start.

“Your hands are warm…” Changbin giggled, and Hyunjin smiled fondly down at the boy.

“Two minutes left!”

Hyunjin decided to pick up the pace, kneading into the rapper’s ribs and scribbling along the sides of his chest.

“AHAHAHAHA!! IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES!!” Binnie spat out, thrashing in place and cackling crazily as he tried to shove at the fingers that dared to tickle him.

“You’re just so cute, aren’t you?~” Hyunjin cooed, and Binnie squeaked flusteredly.

“HYUNJIN NOHOHOHOHOHO!!” Changbin squealed, Hyune’s lips blowing torturously long raspberries mercilessly into the sensitive crevices of his ribs.

“PLEHEHEHEASEEEE!!” Binnie squeezed his eyes shut, smile wide as he cackled crazily, unable to squirm away due to the six pairs of arms making sure he couldn’t even turn his body.

“30 seconds!” Jisung yelled.

“THAHAT’S TOOHOO LOHOHONG!! HYUNJIN!!” Changbin started to shriek when the younger blew a raspberry slightly higher than usual, moving towards his upper ribs.

“C’mon hyung…you can take it.” Hyunjin teased lowly, and Changbin flushed a deep red.

“Mhmmhmm I CANT TAKE IT!! I REHEHEALLY CAHAHAHAHAHAHANT!!” Binnie howled with laughter as a singular buzzing raspberry attacked his upper ribs.

The timer rang in the background, Hyunjin letting up and rubbing at the area gently with his warm fingers, making Changbin giggle and blush.

Everyone cooed and snuggled with the rapper before remembering the game.

Minho randomly pulled a tile, not expecting any writing on it.

Then it happened.

The tower tipped over and fell, all the blocks scattering everywhere, highlighting Lino’s shocked expression.

Everyone’s head turned slowly towards him.

“G-Guys. I lost, okay?! I’m sorry for knowing it over. No need for any pun—ISHMENT!” Minho screamed when multiple arms grasped at his body and yanked him towards the floor.

“Oh, there is definitely a need for punishment.” Jisung replied snarkily, cracking his knuckles and settling on the older’s waist.

“So…what’s your worst spot?” Jeongin asked timidly.

Jisung looked down expectantly at the red-faced older, who sealed his lips and shook his head.

”Tell us or else we’ll wreck every single spot that’s ticklish on you until and we find out. Then we’ll tickle that spot until—“

“Okay! Okay!” Minho squealed, cutting off Chan’s comment.

“It’s my lower belly! Happy?” He scoffed, face beet-red.

Jeongin and Felix both cheered; everyone taking their places to pin him down.

‘Seriously, why does this happen to me so much?’ Minho thought.

He braced himself, feeling Chan pulling his clothing out of the way to expose the sensitive spot.

Min squeezed his eyes shut as Jisung and Channie snuck their lips onto either side of his belly, and Lixie set up the timer before flashing a thumbs up.

The raspberries were unbearable, the two boys blowing as hard and as long as they could onto the hypersensitive skin of Minho’s lower sides.

“N-No!! MHMMMAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!” Minho tried to seal his lips for a second, but failed rather miserably. Loud cackles rang throughout the room as he twisted to either side but couldn’t escape.

Fingers were everywhere on his belly, more and more hands joining in to punish him. Minho howled with crazed laughter as he was brutally tickled without mercy or hesitation.

“NAAAHAHAHAHAHA!! NO—PLEASEAAAHAHAHAHA!!” He screamed out, unable to form coherent sentences as his brain practically turned to mush under his members nimble fingers.

Minho tried to twist away from Jisung’s nibbles, just to move further into Chan’s lips, which blew a torturous raspberry that head him jumping away.

“I CAHAHAHAHAN’T!!” He begged, and Hyunjin cooed. “Hyung can’t handle it!”

“IHIHIT TIHIHICKLES SOHOHO MUHUHUCH—!!” Lino cackled, thrashing so hard that everyone was having trouble holding him down.

“It’s only been a minute!” Felix exclaimed, pushing his fingers further into Minho’s v-line.

“IHIHI CAHAHANT TAHAKE AHANYMORE!! CHAHANNIE PLEASE STOHOHOHOP IHIT!! PLEASEEEE!!”

Concerned with the hoarseness of the younger’s voice as he screamed, Chan let up for a second. “Wait, I think he really needs a break! Jisung, stop for a second.”

Minho gasped for air, slumping underneath them, exhausted. When Jisung’s fingers ducked near to his belly, Minho gripped his fingers. “Ihi reheally cahan’t tahake anymore!”

Jisung sighed and began to just rub at Min’s belly to calm him down.

Minho practically leaned into the touch, a small smile on his tear stained face.

“He really loves his belly rubs…” Hannie chuckled, and Minho’s eyes began to droop.

“I think he’s done, and I’m a little sleepy.” Binnie yawned, and everyone curled up around the kitten to snuggle him to sleep.

They can deal with the mess of Jenga blocks later.

#kpop tickle #midzywannabeitzy #stray kids #skz tickle #skz #lee changbin #lee!minho #lee!felix #ler skz

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outcasting101 · 1 year

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Yandere Spider-verse x Tracer Reader "Within In and Out" Prompt

I just finished watching "Spider-Man Across The Spider-Verse" I got this scenario after scrolling down Tumblr Spider verse Yandere *wink wink*

Now here me out imagine the possibility of having the ability of tracer and somehow involve meaningfully with every Spiderman that fits in their plot that only end up with tragedy to your end.

You coming from another Dimensional, a world that run down with a normal overwatch plot until a portal open up Earth-1610.

You simply just click with the kid, Miles was his name, his ingenuity truly one of a kind having helped you fix the dent from your chronal accelerator, or else the ship would sail away. It was basically a priceless act as this is the only thing anchoring in the present. You were indebted to the family, helping whatever it take chores big and small; they really try to avoid any task given as you are their "guest". It is rude but it didn't stop you.

You connect with the family given a "vacation off" from heroic act as there is already a sheriff in town. Sure there is an occasional save but not big enough to bring attention to yourself.

Miles father, great father, the ideal type who is really trying. You just really like it if he didn't try to stop you applying to the police officer. I mean yeah the thing strap in you chest might stand out, but it can potentially help people is you just legally sign a document, isn't that a cops job to do that.

Miles mother is sweet woman and a great cook too, you just love the Puerto Rican food. Family oriented but it didn't weigh her down from becoming a banshee when thing seem out of place. Miles. You weren't naming

Miles's uncle, you can definitely see his heart of gold especially always staying close to Miles understandingly. You just hope whatever he doing at the back, he can handle it. Miles really needs him as much as his uncle needs him. Anyways you love the graffiti they did, you got a few experiences yourself (the skin *wink wink* smoker)

"You tattletale"

You save people, that what you do, that what you always do protect people. Not the other way around.

Ever since the incident of you chronal accelerator, the group have been wary from any danger. Preventing any potential danger ever being faced upon you. The difference from your, in and out phenomenon, it is breakable to the point it will spiral out of control unlike the subdue glitch experienced by the spiders.

it is just a scratch, if it means being seen the weakest form you force it to show from a barely functional chronal accelerator. There was a crash, the villain was fast which saying something since speed is your thing, it just a slip-up. Really do they, do they really have to go far as beating the villain into a pulp, you were helpless that only momentarily before it all got fixed. But no one can really get over seeing your love on hurt, helpless of them or yourself not being able to prevent them.

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calebwittebane · 9 months

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so fucking funny when my brain is like. hey bitch. i see youre going to sleep well heres the thing. im gonna give you some dreams now. picture this. imagine youre staying in a truly bizarre, labyrinth-like hotel thats not even rly divided into rooms, its just like, heres your pile of shit, loose furniture, make yourself at home. anyway theres creatures roaming the place. they can stun you and cause you profound pain. ohh yeah reminder you feel pain in dreams. full sensory experience. remember that. anyway you contact the hotel owner to gently point out a civil engineering safety regulation issue in the building (unrelated to the already mentioned flaws). he seems grateful. it hurts you when you try to speak, btw.

there are, also, flocks of small birds stuck in time, everywhere, dont touch them or theyll crash into what from their perspective is a solid object moving at light speed, and theyll be obliterated. okay so the hotel owner is like thanks for the tip i will get that checked out. Surprise! youre a demon whos been on the run. the hotel owner is your uncle and also a demon hunter whos been Waiting for you. you were supposed to be outside of the solar system, but looks like not only were you paying a visit to earth, you were foolish and arrogant enough to disguise yourself as a human and pull this kind of stupid stunt! well, thats not fucking good.

you dont know what he plans to do, so you do your best to escape His Twisted Hotel Realm. its not easy, but thanks to your ability to fly and to briefly become invisible and able to phase through solid matter, you manage to get out. youre out in the city now. its a Twisted Fucked Up version of warsaw. i mean like Continent Sized. whatever. youre gonna try to get to a train station and then figure out the rest. you take off flying in a direction that seems right.

well, flying is hard. its tiresome. and there are power lines everywhere. get above the power lines level you idiot. oh oops theyre at Every Altitude. gotta make sure you dont fly into them. so dont fly too fast. but you have to maintain a good speed, otherwise youll lose lift. oough oof ouch, you touched some of those wires, that sure hurt! well, this will be an ordeal.

oh geeze! it seems like youve flown into Gargantuan Horrifying Industrial Zone. its the part of the city thats all Mind Bendingly Huge machinery, excavators, pipes, endless fields of moving parts, saws, pumps, i mean theres nowhere to land. theres like, Walking Coal Excavators. walking moving coal plants. huge collapsing exploding structures--everything is so gargantuan, red-hot, horrible and dangerous, theres shit exploding and collapsing all the time. there are fires everywhere. oil spilling. toxic smoke. and of course power lines at every altitude. and enormous moving parts. well good luck flying through this Zone.

oh well! you try. you have powers after all. you try to fly through this Zone. a walking power plant almost crushes you with its incomprehensibly huge, rusty, titan limbs and machinery. maintaining invincibility while flying is Really hard and at a certain level of exhaustion its likely to malfunction, and if it does at a bad moment, youll be obliterated painfully.

well it happens. it hurts. but instead of dying you clip thru the ground into Huge Underground Tunne Network where the workers live and work and navigate the place. you try to hide in storages and unused tunnels and shit, but thing is, due to how Enormous all the shit upstairs is, the whole tthing is like a living organism. when a walking coal plant passes above, the tunnels contract and loosen up and give in, and some of them get squeezed completely. the workers know how to navigate this, but you dont, so you get painfully squished by a contracting tunnel. youre too exhausted to turn invincible.

well you decide trying to blend in is your best chance. best you can do with how tired you are is take the form of a young worker and pretend to be a new guy. some other workers (theyre all like combination coal miners and prisoners) immediately fall in love with you and try to hook up with you. you accept their advances to get information. they tell you about a train line running thru the zone that can take you to the outskirts. next one is tomorrow. you accept that as your best bet. after hours of grueling work and a painful experience all around, you get on the train. its old and falling apart. hard to tell where its going exactly. it breaks down. youre stranded. where are you? you dont know.

ugh! this wouldnt be happening if you werent a demon. which btw other workers figured out that you are. they start drowning you in a bucket of water. you start laughing at them. its not funny. you hurt all over. you want to die, but you never will. youre cursed to live through your own painful horrifying death endlessly, over and over.

also youre 10 and your parents are fighting

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bloogers-boogers · 11 months

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Ok so since I can't be anonymous anymore it's time I reveal myself so hello, ur literally my fav artist! Here is the image

Firstly I want to say that it still baffles me that I'm ur fav artist, I'm super flattered but also very grateful, thank you!! That makes me emotional 😭💖💖

Also, in regard of your ask, these are the three main ships I like! 💕

I have hc of each one of them, but I feel it would be a long ass text, but I will try to sum them up for you in the shortest way possible!

Kyman: a bickering hate/friendemies/friends/love romance that pretty much begins with the two disliking each other from the start of their friendship bc of their very different opinions and the way to handle things. They are equal! Mentally and physically; they have different reasons to put their skill and intelligence for, which is why they fight a lot. Kyle would use these qualities for good or right while Cartman refuses to use his abilities for the right and rather go for the wrongs. Their strength is basically based on what they find necessary to do. Cartman is seen as weak when it comes to confrontation (mostly with Kyle) but if Kyle were put himself in trouble all that weakness is vanish, he is strong af, he's just lazy and has no need to put it to use unless it's Kyle in danger. When it comes to Kyle however he uses it to correct Cartman or save him, but normally he doesn't feel the need to waste his energy on punching Cartman when he's his usual neutral dumb self (just one punch and he knocks him out).

Also they're very similar in the way they act; Kyle is just more easy to shrug off while being around an actual menace with no shame. The perfect example of the same coin.

A odd pair that throughout the years developed a bond and trust like no other duo to how obsessed they are with each other. Very obsessed. And yeah, conflict feelings, they fall in love and are even more obsessed with the other but more relaxed. Obnoxious but relaxed nonetheless.

Stendy: Their first and childhood love/highschool sweethearts! It's starts as innocent and cute, then the type of careless and "toxic" you'd expect from literal kids; which is why it's hard to expect much seriousness from it. They care for each other a lot! But unfortunately they have lots of breakups until they finally just had enough (I hc Stan ending it for good in six grade!) But the pair falls again throughout middle school but refuse to make any advances besides just enjoying being friends. They find comfort in their company. Highschool changes that after a long period of being good friends, secret pinning and nervous outbursts. Stan confesses again but this time they're both sure of what they want and starts taking their relationship seriously. They decide to put their relationship on hold while going to college and agreed that if the other no longer had any feelings for the other after reuniting again they would just end things peacefully. Ofcourse, theirs some dating here and there but they find their way, again, to each other. They can't help it, they just have that chemistry, the type that's hard to let go. Nostalgic, maybe? Warm and at home feeling. They get together, have a couple of dates and get married immediately. Cartman thinks it's gay tho.

Kenrietta: their relationship is based on rituals and curses! Mostly Kenny's curse~ Henrietta actually starts getting along with Karen after the little girl couldn't stopped looking for her in advice of her new goth phase and ofc looks up to her. So Henrietta just accepted her around, eventually however, Karen would reveal to her about her "guardian angel" which she would eventually just talk endlessly about him. She then told Henrietta it was mysterion and that's were Henrietta would blurt out "the poor kid?" (I hc that the goths know who mysterion is) but yeah, ofc Karen laughs it off guessing Henrietta was just assuming and let's it go. She meets Kenny when the bastard literally crashes inside her window (firework incident, typical main 4 shit) during a ritual with her friends and Karen. He greeted them causally as he walks dizzily to the center of the ritual unaware of whatever thing they were doing. Kenny gets sacrifice during that! And the next day it was like nothing happened until Henrietta and the goths start feeling some weird connection towards Kenny and they assumed it had something to do with the ritual 'that Kenny messed it up for them and ran off from'. After all that, they drag Kenny's ass into their mess (mostly Karen had to convince him) and eventually start hanging out with them thinking their dark stuff was cool. Eventually getting closer to Henrietta, falling in love first and telling her also about his curse. She believed him oddly enough for his surprise! But he was very grateful unlike with his friends who didn't believe him at all. And yeah that's how their thing started. They have their own thing going on outside the other so they're not together most of the time, but their closest friends and family know they're a "thing". They're not possessive or the slightest clingey type, they understand if the other is in need of space and will give it if necessary. They're pacient, very pacient with the other if they're acting "dumb" and will never back off to point out their bullshit if they're being dismissive about it. They have a lot of dark humor too.

Sorry if it's long! But if there's another ship you're interested in me doing just ask! Those are just personally my main ones Cx

#asks♡#man this one is my longest one yet i think 😭😭

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uhgood-girl · 11 months

Note

Do you think Jungkook of the past was someone who wanted to become Jimin’s equal in every way and then some? Perhaps a man that he imagines Jimin might lust after? A bit dangerous, with thick muscles, yet killer on the dance floor? A man every bit as dedicated to his craft as Jimin is? To find that hunger for the stage, for improvement, not wanting to settle for status quo and this album is his portfolio of dance styles, working towards the dream of becoming partners, co-choreographers with Jimin and J-hope, possibly Taehung at some point in Chapter 3? For years I have watched them behind the scenes communicating on how best to approach the MV camera angle, improvising, capturing the important details of the choreography and rehearsing while adjusting to abilities and stride and I think how valuable their combined experiences are to the industry, not solely K- pop, THE worldwide industry. Will they still tour and make music as BTS and individually? I believe they will. But is that fulfilling enough for these talented artists, composers, producers, choreographers who have been running in bare feet since the beginning? I wonder.,,

i feel the need to start my answer at the end of your question, which i really love, by the way. it's actually my first official one on this site, thank you for sending it. 💜 however, i apologize now for the can of worms you cracked open, you basically just gave mcdonalds sprite to a loquacious victorian child lol.

but back to the end - fulfillment is an interesting concept, isnt it? this idea that everything you've ever worked towards will hopefully lead to some sort of innate feeling of satisfaction eventually, a dream realized, a list of ambitions played out. is it even possible, really, truly? especially when it comes to being a creative or artist of any sort, bonus points if it's how you make your living. being a professional creative is a bit oxymoronic imo and i say that as someone who does art as their day job. getting paid to bleed your ideas really adds an extra layer of complexity around the whole process.

because i would already equate finding personal fulfillment through art like trying to cling to sand. you can grab huge handfuls of it, maybe pack it with water, even shape it to your desire; you can for sure slow the whole process down long enough to enjoy it but at some point it will slip from your grasp and you will have to reach for more. you become the sisyphus of sand castles, forever betrayed by a strong breeze or a crashing wave or the simple design flaw of your own hands not meant to cradle something so small for too long.

fulfillment through art is fleeting because a true desire to create doesn't have a finish line. (burnout and death aside) i think most artists even when they create their magnum opus (if they're lucky), step back, bask in it for a bit and then immediately feel the ever present creep of what will i do next? can i top this? and when you do it as a career, your boss and/or audience (who is a boss of sorts in itself) walks up next to you and goes yeah! what's next? how are you going to top that? so the snake eats it's own tail ad infinitum.

but i do believe bts to be genuine artists in this sense, ready to chase that fever dream their whole lives because that's the real fulfillment, if any, of it all. just to continue to do it, in any shape, fashion, or form for as long as you can stand it. and i think all people are capable of art (i hope it's clear when i say art i'm encompassing the entire medium, music obviously included) and creativity and i would encourage any and everyone to pursue it, it's definitely worth it, but the desire around it doesn't affect everyone the same. you don't run bare foot through a dark tunnel you can't see the light at the end of unless you feel you have no choice. unless you are compelled.

i think the great news here is that the light is visible now. all of their blood, sweat, and tears (manhi, manhi, manhi) is paying dividends these days plus interest but even beyond the recognition and money, they have the buoyancy of creative freedom. overall, it's something i still think they're trying on and exploring, getting used to the feel of, but i also think all of the solo projects so far have been an incredible show of confidence towards taking risks and i love that for them so much. i love that they feel safe enough at this stage to pursue whatever they want, criticism from the peanut gallery be damned. i'm so excited to see what they will do in chapter 3 after having all of this under their belts. i agree that their combined experience is utterly invaluable.

but about jikook - can you imagine having the park jimin in your life? tbh i could give a rant similar to this about all of the members, but even then, i agree with my bias in that there's just something about jimin in particular that pulls your heartstrings. he's just good in a way that is hard to come by, in a way that seems to transcend his being a celebrity even, something that brings out the worst in so many far too often. and i think wanting to be worthy of him, to try and be his equal would be near subconscious for how naturally i imagine the people in his orbit would be persuaded. and because god knows you aren't sticking around if he finds you wanting. 👀

now imagine all that pjm goodness focused on you, singled out, romantic in flavor and during the height of puberty, no less? i think we and jk are lucky that jk is jk and has never met a challenge he couldn't face head on lol

however, i will raise you one better and say that while i'm sure jimin's type has definitely influenced the jk we see today, i think jimin's type would have been whatever jk grew into. because that's one of the things i've loved most about watching them evolve over the years, how they've done it together. if jimin's overwhelming goodness and exacting nature helped pull the very best out of jungkook, i think vice versa, jk's unconditional support and willingness to both call him on his bullshit (i'm thinking of the dieting incident in particular rn) but still love him through all of his stages has allowed jimin to flourish.

i've said it before, but the natural dichotomy of their personalities and ability to fill in where the other potentially lacks is so special. our sun and moon couple for real. but even in a non-romantic light, to find someone who fits you in such a way is genuinely rare. (the fact that bts as a whole are who they are and have each other is just so *clenches fist* ugh)

i honestly can't wait to see what heights they continue to race each other to.

#jikook #kookmin #uhgood-ask #in this essay i

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obsidiancreates · 7 months

Text

One Undead To Another (Chapter 14)

(Trigger warning for... I guess mental breakdown? Death, grief, complicated feelings surrounding grief)

“Thanks.” Juliet smiles at the officer, and then turns and walks up to her partner.

“So?”

“Checks out.” Juliet doesn’t even try to hide the relief in her voice. “The mom tried to kidnap her daughter and Shawn caught them, the mom confessed to everything and the little girl is already home safe.”

“And no bite marks on the perp?”

“Not a scratch.” The relief she feels is enough to make her melt. “She described Shawn as quote, ‘rude and offputtingly cavalier with a strangely calm approach to everything’.”

Lassiter scoffs, not without slight fondness, and with much mocking. “Sounds like Spencer.”

“Yeah.” Juliet can hear the dreamy relief in her own voice. “Yeah, it does. Even through all that. … Maybe we’ve been a little too hard on him, Carlton.”

“Too hard on him? O’Hara, he’s a vampire.”

“But he’s still Shawn.”

“The last time we used the ‘It’s still Spencer’ excuse to relax about him, someone ended up dead.”

The tension returns to her in a crashing tidal wave with that sobering reminder. “Right.”

“Right. Yes, it’s Spencer’s personality, his behavior, even his soul. Doesn’t matter. We need to keep an eye on him and keep him in check. Even if that means being a little unfriendly.”

“Easier for you to do than for me.”

“I know. So I’ll be doubly cautious for both of us.”

“Thank you, Carlton. … What now?”

“We’ll have to go back and get Guster, then decide on how we handle the rest of tonight.”

“... Or… call Gus to check in, then go get coffee and late-night pancakes before switching off?”

“... I would kill for a good cup of joe right about now.”

Juliet smiles and pulls out her phone, finding the contact. “Gus?”

“Juliet?”

“Just checking in. How is everything so far?”

“Good, actually. We’re making a list of uh… changes to Shawn’s psychic abilities. Like Mary said, they’re all out of whack now.”

“And he hasn’t…”

“I’m fine. I put the cross on a paperclip necklace, he can’t get near my arteries.”

“Smart. Okay, well, Lassiter and I are going to take care of a few things and we’ll be back to relieve you soon.”

“Cool.”

She hangs up. “Are we splitting the bill tonight?”

“I was thinking I’ll watch Spencer tonight.”

“... So?”

“So, you should pay.”

“Oh, my god.”

“What?! It’s fair, O’Hara.”

“You’re seriously trying to use this to get me to pay for pancakes.”

“It’s a perfectly valid reasoning.”

“You just want to annoy me into not fighting you on watching Shawn.”

“Right. I want to make absolutely sure I’m the one stuck with him for hours.”

“You don’t want me in danger.”

“You owe me.”

“I do. Alright, I’ll buy. But that means we’re both getting the kind with the strawberries and bananas.”

“Fine. Doctor says I need to eat more fruit anyway.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright.” Gus has the list of psychic attributes laid out in front of him, and beside it a new list of vampire attributes. The psychic list is much longer, including lots of little moments they now both realize were actual psychic instances in past cases. “So we both agree that the Nigel St Nigel cigarette case thing was psychic.”

“The first stop was. After that I just actually noticed the danger.”

“Still counts.” Gus writes it down. “Okay, vampire thing next. Can you fly?”

“Pretty sure that’s a no.” Shawn isn’t even sure how he’d go about trying that except for jumping off a cliff– which he considered, before getting a vision of his body floating in the water and Lassie and Jules watching it be hauled up. He’s not sure if he was dead-dead in the vision, or just unconscious, but it doesn’t matter because Lassie and Jules looked pale and stricken and they’ve already had to see his corpse once.

“Psychic sure or regular sure?”

Shawn considers it for a moment, taking the time to eat a cheese puff. “Regular sure,” he decides.

“Fine. Then… how do those cheese puffs taste? Like ash?”

“Like artificial cheese.” Shawn eats another. “I think food tastes the same.”

“Does it feel the same?”

Shawn shakes his head and has another puff. “I had a smoothie earlier and it didn’t quench anything. That might be the biggest loss in all this.”

“You mean besides your eternal soul?”

“Pretty sure I still have my soul. … That one was definitely psychic.”

Gus notes that and the food thing down on their respective pages. “I think we’re making good progress here.”

“Me too, man. I knew we’d be able to figure this all out together.” He hadn’t intended on that at all. He still catches himself looking at Gus’s neck, as does Gus. It’s why Gus made the makeshift rosary in the first place. It’s risky, and difficult, and it makes him hungry.

Hence the cheese puffs. Which aren’t taking the edge off at all, but maybe if he pretends they do he can trick himself into it actually working.

“How about shapeshifting?”

“Gus, I’ve been a vampire for like, a day. Even if I could do that, it probably won’t happen before speed.”

“You said you super-sped at that lady’s car.”

“Yeah, on accident.”

“Fine. What about hypnosis?”

Shawn crunches a puff.

Yes. Yes, he has hypnosis. Strong, potent hypnosis. Some kind of power over someone’s very soul, compelling them to do what he says without even knowing he’s done anything. He can feel the phantom sensation of doing it to Gus, twice now, the way it tied them together for a moment in an otherworldly snare where Shawn was the trap and Gus the prey. And he hadn’t even meant to do it at all.

“I haven’t tried yet.” Not a lie. He hasn’t. But it’s not an answer. But how can he answer? ‘Sorry buddy, I’ve already hypnotized you, Lassie, Jules, and some random other person. You, Lassie, and Jules more than once, by the way.’ He’s still on thin ice, and he’s still figuring this out, and he’s sca–

“You haven’t tried?” “To be honest, man, I’m not super hyped about the powers stuff. They kind of suck so far.” He motions to Gus’s chest.

Gus rubs the bruise. Shawn tilts his head and tries to parse if there’s any tip-offs for ‘bruise’. He’s pretty sure there isn’t– but it’s also just a normal, logical conclusion. He files that away as a ‘Maybe Psychic’ moment and crunches another puff. “So uh… how’re you planning on tricking out the office?”

“Hmm? Oh, that. Well, I talked with Father Wesley earlier–”

Shawn grits his teeth. A resentment he knows isn’t his bubbles up inside of him. He bites the next puff harder than he has to. Gus doesn’t seem to notice, now opening his laptop and looking something up.

“– and got some advice. I found Bible passage wallpaper in an online specialty shop, I’ll put whatever I have leftover from my apartment in here.”

Crunch. Is he scowling?

“I also ordered some actual crosses to hang around my desk. Just, you know, in case.”

Crunch. Shawn hopes his nod doesn’t look too stiff.

“I’m probably going to keep a spray bottle of holy water around too.”

Crunch.

Gus jumps in chair. Shawn looks down at his hand. He’s crushed the entire bag of puffs.

“Whoops.” It’s all he can muster up. It’s nothing. It’s chips. It’s so much more.

“... Maybe I shouldn’t tell you all the stuff I have planned.”

“Yeah. … I’ll probably figure it out anyway.”

“Probably.”

“It was kind of impossible to hide anything from me even before all this.”

“Not that impossible. You didn’t know about Ruby.”

“Oh yeah.” He probably would now. It feels a little like his brain is a poster, folded up so that whatever the focal point of the design is was on full display. He could pick apart the details, admire the intricacies, hang it up and be satisfied with just that. But now he’s unfolded it for the first time, and it’s so much bigger than he ever imagined it’d be, and it’s almost difficult to take in the whole complicated piece. He can hone in on little aspects, specific sections, he can separate it by the leftover impressions of the folding, but trying to see it all as one leaves him unable to see any of it. He could probably know everything, if he could just back up far enough to take it all in…

‘Don’t.’ His grandma’s voice drifts through his head softly. ‘You won’t be able to get back.’

“Shawn? Shawn!” He blinks and Gus is standing in front of him, pencil-cross tucked into his shirt so it’s not waving in Shawn’s face as Gus leans over and lightly slaps his cheek. The warmth of Gus’s hand enriches the smell-taste hovering around him. Shawn jerks away and tries to cover the seize of panic with an exaggerated flop and shout of surprise. He falls off the chair in his fervor.

Gus just tsks and watches Shawn flop around for a second through half-lidded, done-with-you eyes. Shawn sits up, now covered in the dusty remains of the puff bag.

“What was that?” Gus puts his hands on his hips. “You completely blanked out.”

“Gus, please. I don’t blank out.”

“Your eyes glazed over, Shawn.”

“Now I want doughnuts.” He doesn’t. He wishes he does. He should.

“I’m serious, Shawn! That was–” Shawn zeros in on Gus’s hands, highlighted as they tremble slightly. His eyes go up to Gus’s lip, also trembling, and the way Gus keeps looking at his neck before quickly looking away.

“Oh, buddy.” Shawn stands, putting a hand on Gus’s shoulder. Warm, pulsing with Life, easy to take. He crumbles up the chip bag in his other hand, keeping the one on Gus’s shoulder loose and casual. “Look, man, if you need to…”

“No, it’s– I’m fine.”

“You were having flashbacks, weren’t you?”

“... Maybe.”

“I’m sorry, man. I-I can’t imagine… I mean if I found you like…”

“Shawn, seriously. I’m fine.”

The turmoil in Shawn’s guts is different right now. It’s not hunger, not searing pain, not uncertainty and confusion twisting his stomach into knots. It’s a deep pit of dread, a rolling cycle of regret and grief, a tight line of If Only that…

… Isn’t… his.

…

“Gus?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you need to go back home.”

“I’m supposed to keep an eye on you until Lassie gets back, remember?”

“Dude, looking at me is just hurting you right now.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. No wonder you keep throwing up, man. This feels awful.”

“Feels aw- you can feel my feelings right now?”

“Kind of, I– it’s complicated.”

“... I don’t want to leave right now, Shawn.”

The grief sharpens. The almost gentle roll of the grief cycle becomes a tear. Shawn sucks in a breath at the same time Gus pulls in a shaky sob.

“Gus, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You already did.”

“But I’m back! I’m right here, man!”

“You know it’s not the same, Shawn.”

“But it can be! After we figure all this weird new stuff out! Nothing has to change, man. I won’t let it, we’ve got a good thing going and nothing is taking that away from us.”

“You died.”

“Only for a little while.”

“No, Shawn.” Gus brushes the hand off his shoulder, putting both of his hands on Shawn. “You died. You– we saw–”

“But it’s okay now! We can move on from it, buddy, just like we always do.”

“Not just like we always do! Don’t you–”

“... Don’t I what?”

“... Don’t you feel off?”

“Don’t I feel off?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because you died!” Gus shakes him. “Because we didn’t believe you! You died surrounded by freaky monsters, alone, in a basement! It’s not normal to just move on from that, Shawn!”

“What are you– are you mad that I’m not upset enough or something?!”

“YES!” Gus pushes Shawn away– or tries to. Shawn isn’t even wobbled by all the force Gus puts into it, and instead Gus is the one who ends up pushed back and stumbling away. “YOU’RE DEAD, SHAWN! YOU’RE DEAD AND YOU’RE STILL WALKING AROUND MAKING JOKES AND ACTING LIKE IT’S JUST SOME EVERY DAY THING!”

“What do you want me to do, Gus?! Sit on my bathroom floor and mope?! Hang around my apartment thinking about what it felt like to die?! I don’t work like that!”

“No, you just run away when it’s something you can’t brush off!”

“Run– that was years ago! I haven’t run away from something huge since I was eighteen, Gus! I’m here, I’m here to stay, I’m not going anywhere!”

“YOU DID!”

“And I’m back!”

“You’re NOT! Not the same Shawn who left, and we both know it, so stop trying to pretend otherwise!” Tears are streaming down Gus’s face. There’s a frantic look in his eye and Shawn can feel the confusing tangle of emotions taking up his best friend’s chest, the grief and the anger and the disbelief and the fear all twisting into each other to make something just ugly and painful.

“What do you want from me, Gus?!”

“I DON’T KNOW! JUST– JUST STOP PRETENDING IT’S NOT DIFFERENT!”

“I CAN’T!”

“WHY NOT?!”

“I JUST CAN’T!”

“YOU HAVE TO!”

“I WON’T!”

“WHY?!”

“BECAUSE I’M SCARED!”

Silence.

Gus stands, crying and huffing and panting. Shawn is frozen, not daring to breath, blink, even move to run. He misses his heart hammering in his chest in moments like these. He misses feeling it jump into his throat, hearing blood roaring in his ears, feeling his pulse speed up and not Gus’s, he misses–

Oh.

He’s crying.

He’s crying, and Gus is moving towards him with a tissue. He offers it to Shawn. Shawn still can’t move. This doesn’t feel real. None of it has felt real, except for when it has, and then it felt too real to be real. He feels like the admission popped his Shamu pool floatie and now he’s sinking, sinking into shark-infested waters with weights strapped around his ankles and no don’t think about Mary choking on blood in his arms right now on top of all of it–

Gus wipes Shawn’s cheek for him. He’s still crying too. “I’m scared,” Gus says, voice wobbling.

“Yeah.” Shawn’s voice comes out a watery croak. He motions weakly at Gus’s fake rosary.

“Not like that.” Gus swallows. “I’m not scared of you, Shawn.”

“Yeah you are.”

“A little bit. But I’m scared for you.”

“... Why?”

“I didn’t just see my best friend die. My best friend died, and now he’s trying to ignore that.”

“Gus–”

“We need to talk about it, Shawn.”

“... I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“... It might not even help.”

“We still have to.”

“It’s never helped anything before.”

“Have we ever tried?”

“... I don’t… want… to have died, Gus.” His voice catches. He’s trembling now. “That can’t have actually happened.”

“It doesn’t seem possible.”

“It doesn’t, right? I don’t– things work out for me.”

“They always have.”

“They always have. They always do. It can’t have just… not, this time.”

“But it did. Not, did not.”

“... What if I did die? … For real? And I’m not…”

“You?”

“... Yeah.” Shawn wipes his own eyes this time. He doesn’t recognize his own voice. He’s never heard it like this. Clogged up, shaky, weak. “Gus, I’m… I’m scared. I’m sc–”

The last word doesn’t make it out. He sobs.

Gus pulls him into a hug, also sobbing. Shawn feels Gus’s heartbeat in his entire body, in his bones and deeper, but for the moment the hunger and temptation don’t come with it. As Shawn hugs back, taking in the warmth and feelings and Life, he doesn’t feel any of the painful tension of before. He feels Gus’s whole self, body and soul and all, and feels comfort.

#psych #psychusa #psych usa #psych 2006 #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

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