#and yeah i can learn and i want to so fucking badly but theres always going to be a little thing that makes it harder

[couldthatreallyhavebeenit]

as someone who was born during summer/generally warm month yet generally prefers cold months and the winter, the line "you say you're a winter bitch, but summer's in your blood" is engraved into my being in such a way.

[ventingoutmyass]

8.20.22

My issues wont be fixed when I find a job. Yeah, the stress I've had for a year without being able to spend a dollar on myself and borrowing money to pay bills most months would be magnificent off my shoulders. Not worrying about money so intensely will do wonders, one day.

Getting a job is it's own stress that I cant comprehend a way around. Signing myself up for multiple anxiety attacks through the entire process, to know it probably wont work out anyway, isn't exactly an encouraging incentive.

There's so many issues that stay in my home. Yes, that includes my environment and the people around me. But that also includes whats in my bedroom when the doors closed. I can't feel safe. I'm not safe in my body, I'm not safe in my head. I can't remember the last time I felt like I could relax. It's been years. I've grown accustomed to the ways I cant sleep at night because everything in my head tries to eat me alive. Then I wake up and realize all over again, that everything that worries me at night is true. I can't seem to do anything the way others can. I cant talk to other people. I cant work. I cant express myself. I cant learn anything about who I am. I cant care for myself or others who need me.

Why do I get stuck with this. It's like, nobody gave me a hint at how fucking hard life would be until I finished high school. Everything was so easy, way too easy. I sat for a year because I couldnt understand the how's and why's of anything. All of a sudden there was so much weight on a transition that nobody prepared me for. Suddenly, everything was different. And it was all on me to take it up. It's been six years. I am not a step closer than I was then. It feels like a set-up. How am I supposed to do anything? How can anybody possibly believe I'm capable of any of this?

Health insurance, getting so many health issues checked, going to the dentist. Buying a car, maintaining a car, driving well. Finding a therapist, getting a diagnosis so I could get disability, stress about disability not being enough, lying to my therapist so I dont get institutionalized. Taking care of my dog, worry that hes aging, worry about how others treat him, make sure hes always safe so my sisters safe. Wash the dishes, sweep the floor but do it right, mop and vacuum, change your sheets, clean your room, clean your bathroom. Shower, brush my teeth, wash my face. Enjoy hobbies, dont enjoy those hobbies too much, wear makeup but always take it off, read your books, finish that manga before you forget it, write write write no matter how bad it is or how much you cry about it, dont forget about digital art that you're plagiarizing. Make friends, dont get too attached to those friends, dont let them realize you're unlikable, show then bits of your true self but just the right amount, text them first once in a while, say yes to plans no matter how badly you dont want to, guilt when you find the courage to say no. Whats your gender? Will you ever tell others? What if they dont believe you? What if they dont care? What if they constantly misgender you? What about hormones and surgeries? Will you have health insurance once those become accessible? And the cycle starts back over.

Theres no way that it'll get easier.

I'm not meant to be here. I never was. It's not fair.

[solarsleepless]

what r max's stims? :)

SHSHJSHJSJSJSHJSH

okAY yes i have many thoughts abt adhd max i am vibrating rn

okay so first of all theres the average well known "flappy hands"

but she really likes it when she has sweaters with longer sleeves because then she can just flap them around

leg bounce leg bounce leg bounce

cracking her knuckles. she does this SO often its unreal

she doesnt have many vocal stims but she goes "ba ba ba" or just humming and singing sometimes

also running her hand on the bottom of her skateboard, and/or rolling the wheels

just being on her skateboard and swaying is a huge stim

chewing her shirt lmao

im also gonna say that she also stims by pressing on buttons and other stuff in the arcade. its just Nice To Do

also stims by kicking off of the ground on her skateboard. very nice

well this is gonna turn into adhd max rant get ready

she had adhd combined (like yours truly) and finds it hard to concentrate in class

she totally hyperfixated on video games at some point

and comics probably

and skateboarding too

she is a VERY picky eater. like she could barely eat stuff in california, so when she moves to hawkins it only gets worse

sensory issues my abhorreeed

can't stand too-loud noises (b!lly of course knows this and turns up music in his car so that he can't even hear himself)

that being said she cant STAND the silence and always needs background noise (she and el bond over liking white noise from tv)

SHE LOVES TANGLERS SO MUCH

goes nonverbal sometimes because of the fear that if she says anything itll just make things worse. the party + steve is very concerned at first, then learn to live with it

WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE

she has so many weighted blankets. she couldnt actually use them much because it was too hot in cali but then in hawkins she used them all the time

SPINNY CHAIR SPINNY CHAIR

undiagnosed

loves fluffy jumpers. she never really used or felt them earlier because of the hotness of california but when she was cold and lucas lent her his fluffy jumper...

well let's just say he didn't get it back

rubbing her hand over lucas's knuckles :)

i know i've already said singing stim but just imagine her singing 'material girl' or 'old time rock and roll'

echolalia! only sometimes tho

like erica will go "hey max me and lukie are gonna make a cake wanna help?" "cake?" "cake" "cake!" "cake!" "cake"

also the sinclair family is so accepting. they're confused but they just accept max and thats okay

once the party started looking up what adhd was, max brought it up once and immediately they all went 'that's only for little boys'

(which is bullshit obvs)

remember that sleepover scene where max is dancing? yeah that but its a stim

the party + the teens have a running joke of max being moth because she stares at lights so much. visual stim

she scratches as a(n unhealthy) stim but it gets worse after billy's death

hates it when people shout, usually goes nonverbal if it's directed at her

jumps when she's happy!!

you know how she just wears basic and unlayered clothes? yeah she chooses them on purpose because tight stuff feels Bad

she hates labels with her entire being

she seems like the kind of gal to bite her nails

also adopted dustin's "grrr" as a stim

"hey max- grrr" "...what was that?" "...grrr" "could you teach me how to do that" ".. o k a y ?"

will and max (i hc will as autistic) both have lil stimming sessions! they just notice the other stimming and join in, just leaving them laughing at the end!

lucas is super understanding of her stims

he learnt to recognize when she's understimulated and gives her fidget toys!! and if he doesnt have any then he'll just straight up grab her hand and start rubbing his fingers against the knuckles

i'd like to say:

*SLAPS ROOF OF MAX MAYFIELD* THIS BITCH CAN HOLD SO MUCH RSD

she wasnt doing so good in the first place

thinking stuff like

"maybe if i wasnt born then my parents wouldn't have divorced"

and stuff like that

(billy intentionally makes it worse because of course he does)

but then it gets so. much. worse.

you know mike said "because you're annoying" in s2?

YOU CAN BET THAT TRIGGERED HER RSD SO HARD

and also when el just walked past her in s2? yeah well

that didn't go off well with her rsd either

lucas has to reassure her that she's not a mistake, she's not annoying, he doesn't secretly hate her, etc etc

he doesnt think he'll ever forgive mike for triggering her rsd so badly

this has so many hurt/comfort possibilities in fic holy fuck-

lucas immediately shuts down her deprecating comments

like IMMEDIATELY

he wont stand for that shit

he is glaring so badly at anyone who triggers max's rsd

unless it's someone they love (like erica) who doesn't actually know what they did wrong and want to make up for it

once erica activated her rsd by accident

just with a lil lighthearted comment

"ugh i hope you arent as annoying as lukey's little friends on the walkie talkie"

once erica finds out abt what she did she feels SO bad. babey

she does everything she can to make up for it

apologizes properly when they're both brushing the barbie's hair

she finds out max stims by brushing barbie's hair when max has to look after once

so when she can see max is understimulated she'll just toss a barbie and a hairbrush her way

also likes max's echolalia (can you hear that? its the sound of max's euphoria boosting)

erica learns to lower her voice around max

max can't watch anything without subtitles btw

she just cannot

she'll watch it and cause she's smart she'll figure out what's going on

but often has to turn to lucas and go "whats going on???"

she loves the feeling of snow thru her gloves

maybe its the cold but still. very Nice

uhh i have more but i cant be bothered also this is too long already

[spacedlexi]

What are your thoughts on Clem getting a new girlfriend in the graphic novel?

dont talk to me about the comic it doesnt exist

but to honestly answer your question: it pisses me off. for a few reasons:

violet is SUCH a perfectly written match for clem that i cant see either of them with anyone else. i didnt think the writers would Ever be able to write a good love interest for clem esp after s3 but im not kidding when i say violet and her are a perfectly written match. violet is very similar to s3 clem with her trust and abandonment issues, the angry loner who cares but pretends not to to protect themselves from the grief of loss/pain of being left behind, and so they put up walls and push people away. theyre both natural leaders who never wanted that position. loyal. fiercely protective. where javi helped clem learn to trust people again in s3, clem helps violet learn to trust people again in s4. clementine can see herself in violet (the "i know where youre coming from" line), and they help each other. which leads into my second problem with the new comic romance

violet has SEVERE trust and abandonment issues (even more than the other kids who all by default pretty much have trust and abandonment issues), which is obvious even without letting her get taken by the raiders (and is only made that much worse if you do). i cant imagine what it will do to her emotionally to wake up and realize clem is GONE without even SAYING GOODBYE. thats gonna hurt her so bad regardless if you romanced her or not. like clem is their leader now and shes just...leaving?? without telling anyone?? EVEN AJ???? HER ADOPTIVE CHILD??? fuck this stupid ass comic it is SO OUT OF CHARACTER for clem for like a million reasons. like skybound/tillie are saying theyre excited to focus on clems sexuality (which :/) but like to do it theyre really damaging representation that was already THERE and GOOD.

like way to just rip away really nice wlw representation just so you dont have to worry about determinant choices. (violentine is my favorite wlw rep in media theyre just......so nice. so cute but like so natural?? they are so in love and the writing just feels like it really came from the heart like the writers really cared abt their relationship even if it WAS a little rushed but like s4 was rushed in general) every scene they have together just makes me 😳😭😭🥺💕💕💕 no matter how many times i see it

another reason it pisses me off is that like everything else about this comic feels like a cheap rip off of s4!!! like theyre just sweeping s4 under the rug (which imo is the best season) just to rehash it again but BADLY. apparently theres gonna be "evil twins" now theyre REALLY going all in on the s4 rip off

ALSO i just love violet!!! shes a GREAT character. shes funny and mean but meaner than she intends to be. thinks shes not great with people but is a great leader. cares so much even though she pretends not to because shes afraid of being hurt. so she puts up walls to keep people away and it ties into her coming off harsher than she means to, but also longs for connection. also shes better with people than she gives herself credit for esp her interactions with aj so cute. LESBIAN!! got a bit of a gnc thing goin on i love it. her little rainbow pin and untied boots with different colored laces. her voice gideon i love your voice So Much 😳💕

s4 was the perfect end for clementine, and the writers of the last season INTENDED for that to be her ENDING. thats where she spends the rest of her days, surrounded by her found family who love her, safe at the school. shes DONE RUNNING she literally hung up her hat like shes DONE. she NEVER wanted to be on the road shes always longed for a place to be safe with aj and she has it she would never leave.

so yeah this comic is not canon in my eyes and apparently for a lot of other people as well. im just trying to pretend it doesnt exist i wish people would tag it because i want to block it. im glad not many people are even gonna be aware of its existence i wish i was one of them. let me eternal sunshine this shit away please erase it from my mind.

they didnt even draw clems peg on the right side :///// theyre making her grow her hair out :/// fuck off

[tigerdrop]

here is a bunch of words about this venom AU b/c i am out of my fucking mind

like ok sorry im about to talk about a venom AU again b/c jesus christ its just frenrey man. the sad, pathetic, cringy sweaty little man with depression and his new best friend, the way-too-powerful alien thing thats always on his back and is always pushing to do things that arent socially acceptable......its the same shit. whatever. am i thinking about that prodromal phase when gordons sweating and heaving and ravenous and trying to eat everything in sight and being jerked around by an alien leaning how to puppet his body? Yes

eating is horny, man. the vore thing is just completing the circuit and closing the loop. his entire fucking physiologys going haywire and his metabolisms in overdrive and eating is always a metaphor for something and i dont know why it shouldnt be a metaphor for being mysteriously, suddenly horny, either. and also its just really hot to see somebody going apeshit on food. Whatever

the dudes who made hannibal get it. food is erotic. food is always about something else

and pulling him around like a puppet especially. LITERALLY leaning how to move gordon around the way he wants to!!! its gotta be just as awkward for the symbiote to learn how to move in a human body as it is for the human to learn how to move in sync with the symbiote. the struggle.........is . its good

hes literally just. a puppet for the symbiote. hes a puppet that can make the symbiotes job a lot easier by playing along and figuring out how to move in sync , but like. hes just getting jerked around effortlessly for the whole fucking movie

and gordons strong enough that he can put up a good fight......but hes not stronger than a fucking alien thats in control of his very muscles and nervous system! lucky for him that he got saddled with a parasite thats developed a real quick fondness for the body that it inhabits or else hed just find himself sharing the same fate as all the other bodies that got colonized and dropped by the wayside

(sigh) and benrey would wanna stick around him b/c hes fun. he reacts good. hes fun to play with. hes easy to bully and cajole into doing what benrey wants, within reason. and unlike mr marvel-mouthpiece-eddie-brock, gordon freeman would fucking delight in getting to chomp on a cop or two. he would relish the opportunity

and like. uhh. that part where venom pins eddie to the wall. Wow

i think it would be. really cool. if uuuhhh if umm uhhh well. like. the symbiote is super strong right. so its basically like having a. uhh. living full body bondage suit that really, really wants to fuck you

if benrey doesnt want him to move then buddy, hes not moving. gordon freeman pinned firmly in place by an amorphous slime monster with sharp, sharp teeth and a lolling tongue that knows, in the most intimate and excruciating detail, just how badly he likes it

literally theres no way gordons not thinking back on so much of this shit later and having the weirdest fucking dreams of his life. i dont even know if he would initially be aware that a lot of this stuff is hitting him in the dick. it feels like a kind of sleeper agent thing

like yeah sure he probably knew he was into bondage. thats not all that weird. but i think it would take a little mental prodding to get him to be like "Oh. benrey did that. to me. and he could probably do it again. if i asked. but im not gonna fucking ask for that"

therein lies the crux of his problem: the symbiote knows literally everything about him. they share the same body and have touched each others minds. benrey Knows

he literally cannot hide a single fucking thing. its plain as day. the only thing stopping benrey from doing anything about it is the fact that gordon wont fucking ask, and more to the point, seems vehemently opposed to the idea of ever acting on it......until suddenly, he isnt

and also its probably really fucking fun to tease him about it. its not like gordons gotta always be consciously aware of the fact that benrey knows Literally Everything About Him. teasing him by cracking jokes about eating him?? weird coincidence, right. ha ha. benrey makes an offhand comment about basically eating him every time they transform and gordon has a psychosexual breakdown bc all his blood leaves his brain

I might be insane

but also i have the very vivid idea of benrey pinning gordon to the wall like that again with the full knowledge that gordons getting off on it, and taunting him to struggle harder b/c its more fun that way. whys he just acting all limp like a ragdoll, huh. (because thats what you normally do when youre being put in bondage! or at least, thats what gordon does! hes not used to the idea of something wanting him to try and struggle b/c its fun to playfight with him, even if its very much just a play fight b/c benreys so much stronger!!!)

look i jsut think his gradual transformation from "normal guy with latent psychosexual issues who is rightly weirded out by killing and blood and things of thast nature" to "problems guy who gets hot in the face when he sees all those teeth and watches benrey chomp on dudes and gets a little hard whenever hes enveloped by his alien bodymate-cum-best friend" is. awesome

the mental journey from "what the fuck is happening this is the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to me. what if i die in here" to "wow this is still anxiety-inducing but im so fucking strong and i can do crazy superhero shit. this is awesome" to "oh no the anxiety is back to an 11 b/c ive started having weird thoughts about it and now im thinking about baseball really hard to try not to get hard"

jesus christ man. gordon stops jerking off entirely b/c he doesnt want the fucking symbiote to see his boner and ask any weird questions but benrey doesnt even care. he just thinks gordons insane for taking so many cold showers. daily fucking slapfighting over the shower knob

he has so much wrong with him but benrey doesnt even CARE. gordon is the only one that cares nearly that much about his weird boner problems and doesnt want benrey to see his dick b/c “what if its weird. what if i make this weird.” meanwhile benrey has been aware of every time gordon has gotten a half chub from benrey transforming. benrey doesnt even think gordons trying to hide it hes doing that bad of a job

gordon doesnt even WANT to have to explain what a stiffy is to this guy!!! he thinks that b/c benreys some kind of alien thing, he wouldnt even know. he wouldnt be familiar with the human boner. but gordon assumes hes gonna have to if he ever pops one so he does everything in his power to neglect his stupid dick. meanwhile benrey absolutely knows how dicks work b/c he was socialized entirely on ps3 multiplayer until he met gordon and you would not believe how much intimate knowledge of the human penis hes acquired by this

(sigh) i think that when gordon realizes he has a weird sentient alien parasite inside of him he would get weird about literally every embarrassing bodily function/necessary display of nudity . and i think he would be bladder shy in front of a brand new audience

i just think. that. he would be freaking out about an alien seeing his dick. and immediately after seeing that benrey is Real and Inside Him for the first time, he would try very, very hard to hold it in so the alien thing doesnt see his dick. progressively antsier.....squirming.......Pacing......gordon gets an alien parasite and decides he can never pee again. ignoring the blatant fact that benrey is little man in his bloodstream and already knows all about his dick

im envisioning this happening shortly before he learns that benrey is In His Head . and also that hes in some pretty serious denial about it a lot of the time

but just b/c gordons ignoring it and pretending like everythings normal (and like HES normal) doesnt mean that either of those things are true. benrey knows exactly whats going through his head. theyre Bonded. and benrey knows that hes a little freak whos got boner problems about this subject specifically. i mean its not like hed even have to read gordons mind to figure that one out, yknow? he canonically cannot fucking stop himself from joking about piss, joking about how much hes been holding it, etc etc. and yknow........benreys just a weird little alien goop with a poor grasp on human social mores. his understanding is that pleasure is something that feels good, so theres no reason why they shouldnt feel good. eating people makes him feel good. being jerked around and controlled makes gordon feel good. whats the problem

and if hes in total control of gordons body......well, maybe the bladder-shyness isnt as bad a problem as gordon thinks. benrey can just control his muscles, yknow? help him out. so he quits freaking the fuck out like a little bitch about how gross and weird this is. (its really not that weird to benrey, okay.) the weirder thing is how neurotic gordons being about the whole thing. and so uhhhh thats how gordon ends up with his skin flushing so badly it makes him dizzy when benrey is just like “okay uh this is stupid can you just deal with it” and puppets him over to the bathroom and makes him. just. do it

also like okay. ping-ponging to another thing here. i have been thinking about the first time gordon actually tries to jerk off after acquiring an Audience

its gotta come up at some point. theres no way it doesnt. having a case of blue balls for that fucking long is probably turning him into the worlds most neurotic little bitch and at some point benrey just asks him point blank "hey. do you ever jerk off" because.....like......he feels what gordon feels for gods sake. hes aware of all the boners gordons been getting and not doing anything about. and "not talking about it" was his way of being polite but now gordons being a nasty deranged little cunt of a man from Dick Too Hard and its getting annoying. and gordons just like "what!!! of course i do, but you, you know what, thats none of your business! im not about to pound my meat with an audience!"

benrey doesnt really get it. gordons horny, he just copped to jerking off on occasion, whats the problem? theyre bros, its cool. he can just, like, play minecraft and not look. gordon thinks this is the stupidest thing hes ever heard. but like......he does miss jacking off. hes a red blooded adult male and its a little harder to pick up girls when he has a flesh eating alien with very poor boundaries sharing his body. so he decides, well, fuck it. hes just negotiating space with a roommate. in a way. its fine. its not that weird

but it is that weird, actually. gordon tries it but he has a really hard time getting it up with the knowledge that hes doing it right next to somebody who isnt even paying attention. it makes him feel like one of those weirdos who jerks off on the bus. benrey notices that hes, like, stopped, and has just kind of tucked his dick back in his underwear and given up. and after some confused discussion and bickering, benreys like, "you uhh......you want a hand?" and that kickstarts gordons heartrate right back up

what im saying, is that, benrey should subsume gordons right hand. envelop it in his own. take control of it. and jerk him off for the first time while panting in his ear and licking his neck and dirty talking the hell out of him. and gordons never came so hard or so fast in his life

and like. this would 100% open the freak floodgates. gordon was trying very hard not to think about it before but now the door is wide open and he cant not think about all the insane things benrey could do to him. WITH him

like. okay. gordon really is just all the way in there . things ive never fully considered before. venoms literally about vore

benrey meat prison. going superhero mode means your cock is grinding on slime the whole fucking time. gordon can be having a minor anxiety meltdown as hes subsumed by slime and can feel benrey going hog wild. bc hes in there......its a bonding thing . and also a vore thing. and a "he cant hide literally any of his reactions so the moment he pops a boner in there benrey is going to know about it" thing

like the logistics are vague but its implied they can see out each others eyes and have a sense of each others bodies. so when benreys fully out gordon can see out his eyes and it kinda feels like the big body is his too, theyre in sync. but i like to think. he can also feel his own body distinctly. he can feel benreys body pressing in around him. he can feel the muscles crush him in place as they move. i think that would be . cool

and like. okay. the thing i dont really care for when it comes to vore is the, like, Everything After. what i think is really cool, and awesome, is the. uh. the mouth stuff. big tongue and teeth and being totally enveloped in something wet and hot and whatever. okay. but i dont actually want the guy to get swallowed okay i think he should just nut and then get spit back out. im not about the internal workings here thats where my boner turns off and i fail to suspend my disbelief

but like. the great thing with venom is that. you dont have to worry about any of that . gordon can just be......totally subsumed by him. that massive alien maw opening wide and licking him all over and enveloping him from the bottom up, nothing but wet-hot pressure wrapping around him . . . sucking at every inch of him and undulating in a way he literally never could have fathomed before. the things that gordon thought about in the back of his mind whenever benrey transformed with him. the things he was convinced benrey wouldnt know about if he thought hard enough about literally anything else while they were out doing their vigilante thing. and then he can nut so hard he goes blind and get spit right back out and full-body cuddled by his symbiote buddy

i think its neat to think about the possible feedback loop from their mental link. like. look i dont know how exactly a symbiote nuts and at this point im too afraid to ask. but like. they dont have naturally occurring dicks. so it seems to me, that the best way to get benrey to nut, here, is for him to get gordon to nut also. the feedback loops

theyre basically one guy, right. gordon-and-benrey. benrey-and-gordon. hes experiencing the world through gordon, feeling what he does, seeing what he sees. benrey having a harder time maintaining a coherent form the more he drives gordon to the edge......hes in gordons head! hes feeling what he feels! and gordons in benreys head, too, seeing himself from the outside......realizing he looks like a total fucked out whore like this and its humiliating and excruciating but all benreys seeing is his person coming apart and theres nothing but extremely positive vibes going on in his head and it makes gordon feel, like.......really hot, actually. hes got that mental image of himself as the pathetic schlubby guy that we all know he kind of is but also hes schlubby in an insanely fuckable way, and benrey knows this. he Knows this

that possessive little throb in the back of his mind b/c benreys looking at him and subsuming his lower half and wrapping around his dick and pushing into him him and all thats on his mind is how this is his person, all his, hes gonna show gordon that he doesnt need other girls anymore. they cant do what he does, because gordon is his and, more to the point, hes gordons

and hes right . literally how is he going to go back to pussy after that. its a metaphor for being gay but also they are literally gay and have insane crazy sex about it. its like symbolic or whatever

anyway i think when benreys fucking him senseless with all those tentacles or whatever gordon should accidentally say “were gonna come” when hes about to nut. b/c its a “we” thing. benreys a symbiote who can only come when gordon does, through their mental link. ok. Bye

[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing

[shoezuki]

I don't know like anything the discord server situation so take this with a grain of salt, but. In a server that large you can't expect every single trigger to be catered to. Let's take me as an example. An uncommon trigger? Eggs out of their shells. Imagine if I strolled into every sever and every person's blog being like 'ayo can you trigger tag this' and then multiply it by a very large number. Everything is a trigger for someone. In severs that large you just can't cater. In dms or mutuals or very tiny servers where you know people probably, but not something that big. Idk, this probably makes no sense and I know next to nothing on the situation, but yeah.

- Slur Anon

YES EXACTLY. i fuckin feel u like.

Okay i have VERY few triggers but theres One r fucking big one that like. Is more complex. But. Christmas is a trigger to me. It goes more into specifics with certain decorations, christmas music, movies, etc. But it causes me to dissociate REALLY badly. Like i can go entire days not remembering anything. Some shit causes me to burst into tears. Its a horrible time of the year for me

But people LOVE christmas. And its everywhere especially where i live. I dont want ppl to feel they shouldnt speak of it or enjoy it. Its my job to prepare myself mentally, distance myself, and figure out how i can Deal w it.

I was in a somewhat Big server once n they tried to have Every trigger always censored. Which means well ofc. But i remember they had to slam down on he entire server jus cuz of my trigger. I felt horrible cuz ppl were just excited to talk bout what they were doing. Thats all.

Like. W friends n small groups? Yea maybe dont talk bout that shit to me i wanna chill. But im such huge servers? Its nearly impossible to handle. Trauma and triggers are much more difficult to account for in such large scales. It cant exactly be realistically done. Its unfortunate, but thats how life is.

Its much better to be open bout it and learn for urself to take urself out of the conversation when it dwells near to such territories. Esp in a server so big. No doubt itll pass fast. Or go to another channel. Idk it jus seems that some weight of triggers n managing such reactions needs to be more On the person w the triggers in such situations

[vyladromeave]

SHABOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS PLASTERBOATS

This is how Shabowknights work in my brain. It just is. 

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 69k+ words im not kid. ding. i did include a couple poupble to help break up the bup the text. so. good lick.)

BECOMING A SHADOWKNIGHT

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: you gotta feel it. you gotta reel it. you gotta feel it in the heart of the cards. sometimes ur having a rough day and youknow what thats fine. the shadowlord is totally there for you. hes your homie. your bro. your bromie. he can be anything you want him to be. but most importantly he is here for YOU. hes the cool boss. he lets you slack off on fridays, he puts slightly outdated memes in his powerpoint presentations. all for you. you’re welcome.

Now I hear what you’re thinking. What happens when the Shadowlord has a bad day? He can’t always be there for you, right? Wrong. The Shadowlord is on that grind, as the kids say. The grind never stops. no breaks. Stops? no stops. the only thing the Shadowlord is putting a stop to is ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ʀᴜ'ᴀᴜɴ ʀᴇɢɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɢᴇ-ʟᴏʀᴅ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴs ɪᴛ. Hes up all night and all day, working hard for you. give him a big thank you.

Not convinced? here’s a cool diagram he made for you. this could be us. you could be partially dead BUT holding hands with your best bro the Shadowlord. and really, what’s better than that? ghat? yeah? no. nothing. nothing is better. look at this diagram and fucking weep.

•

SHADOWKNIGHTS AND IMMORTALITY

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to giving a shit. they just dont give a shit. they can just sit around for hours not giving a shit. do you give a shit? you shouldnt. you shoulding. houlding. hold mushrrom. thats what you should be doing right now. what are you waiting for? well???????????

If you were a Shadowknight, you could be holding a mushroom right now. That’s right. a whole mushroom just for you. but you arent. so you wont. why not? what’s stopping you? pledging your undying allegiance to the Shadowlord isnt so bad, we promise. it rocks, actually. we have pizza parties at the end of every month. does your employer hold pizza parties at the end of every month? I didn’t fucking think so.

Now I know what you’re thinking. But I dont waaaannnaaa kill the person I love the most! Well guess what? Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life. Which is why you’re lucky that this decision is actually an easy one! I mean think about it, end of the month pizza party, mortal emotional attatchments. attachemnts. atatchments. fuck. however you spell it. Which one sounds cool as hell? Thats right. I don’t even have to say it. you know the answer. you already know the answer. i put it in your breain and it stays there.

•

Your favorite pizza topping.

What do you want on your pizza? I know you’re technically not one of the bros yet, but theres no way you wont be after all this, so I figured I’d go ahead and get your order down. Yeah i know the pizza party is a month away. im not ordering it right now. im ordering it later. that way its still fresh when it shows up. 

Although the delivery times out here in the nether kinda stink if I’m being honest. dont tell the shadowlord I said that though. he puts in a lot of time and effort to making sure everything is cool down here and like, really he doesn’t need to worry about the whole pizza delivery thing. like he already puts in so much time, the least i can do is cover the pizza thing yknow? 

I actually made the pizzas one month. have you ever made hundreds of personal pan custom pepperoni pizzas. its a lot of work. seriously. I kept burning them. so many burnt personal pan piping hot pipper pepper pepperoni personal pan personal pizzas. luckily im immune to fire, and i can never die. if you were one of the bros, you could be too. here’s your pizza.

•

Consuming the Pizza

Go on. eat it. I made it for you. what do you mean when did I have time to make a pizza? just now, while we were talking. didn’t you notice? maybe not. I’m good at making pizzas quickly now. ive had a lot of practice. maybe we could make some personal pan pinni mini pan pepperoni pizzas togethethter sometime.

oh my god. wait. im an idiot. im a fool. i was so focused on making you your personal pan pipini piziza pepperoni peper piza that i didnt even hear what you wanted for your toppings. im so sorry. oh my gosh im so sorry. i really didn’t mean to, i just got caught up in the moment. really. i promise. i know this reflects really badly on the whole shadowknight thing, but i promise this is a rare occasion. really. all the bros here in the nether are really kind and thoughtful, so stuff like this rarely ever happens. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

maybe its better that we dont have personal pipizini personal pan papaza pizzas. im not actually that good at making the pizazis. i lied. im sorry. im so sorry. this doesnt normally happen. i just wanted to sound cool. its been so long since someone’s considered joining the bros, i just wanted you to really like me. im so sorry. oh my god. im so sorry.

•

A Reformed Pizza

The pizza is metaphorical. we’re still friends, right? we’re still bros? future potential bros? the potential kinetic mechanical energy of bros? thats a little science joke for you, whwhwhere i just said the science words. I havent learned about science in a while, ive been stuck down here making personal pan pizzazos for a while. im sorry about the pizza thing again, by the way. i tossed  your bad personal pan pizza in the lava pool over there to make up for how sucks it was. it was really bad. yeah. its probably a good thing that nobody ate it.

A Sturdier Pizza

The pizza is literal. We can make a new pizza. together. with my powers and yours combined. give me your hand. we are holding hands now. these are the hands that will make a new pizza. together. we can do it if we believe. do you believe? in our new world? in our now pizza? you should. you should believe. you better fucking believe it.

look at thsi shit. ohhhhooooooollyf uck. look at that pizza. holy shit. look at that piza. holy shit. balls.

•

Natural Abiblibties

sorry im still jsut thinkginbg aboutt he pizza. homygod. holy shit. did youz seetheat pizza. did you see it. arey you looking. at the pizza. ohmygodc. look at thits. is. its. the pizza. its fucking perfect look at it. ive never made a pizza like that before. we diddit tofgotehr. we did it. the pizza. we did it.

iknow itsnoth the end of the month yet but iwant to have a pizza party. lets do it again. we’re strong enough. we can take on anything tofeger. antyhign. even pizza. especially pizaz. we can. iknow you dont believe it but its strue. lets do it again. lets make a pizza one more time. what dtopping do you want to put on it this time? mushrrom? we can do mushrrom.

here. im handing you a mushrrom. you can put it on the pizza. its a topping. there are many toppings you can put on pizza. you can put on extra cheese too. then iets ecxtra cheesy. cheesy peezy. pizza.

lets do it together.

•

Additional Pizzas

we’ve made so many pizzas. thatslike two whole pizzas. wholy fuck. holy shit. thats twho whole pizzas. bro. thats great! thats amazing! thats two more pizzas than we had before. like seriously we set our mind to the piizza and our brain to the pizza and you smush it and you sus it and then you pizza. woaw! pizza. pizza.

what if we made more pizzas.we could make a pizza for everyone. everyone could knpow of our pizzas. everyone could be just as happy as us. isnt that great? isnt that amazing? we could all pizzas. we could ALL pizzas.

hold on. im calling the bros. they need to know. they need to pizza. ive got two bros right here ready for a pizza. do you think we can do it. thats double the pizza we’ve already made. it could be tough. i know this is a lot of pressure, and it really means a lot to me, but its ok if you want to back down now. pizza is a lot of work. its hard work. i know it is. you know it now too. but we can pizza. we can pizza together.

•

THANK YOU FOR PIZZA!

:) the bros really enjoyed the pizza. thanks for helping me make pizza very appreciate very cool. pizza. im handing you a pizza coupon right now i am folding it into your hand. what store does it go to? dont worry about that. its just a coupon for pizza, you dont have to worry about the specifics. they’ll know what to do with it.

they’ll know.

:)

[mitchelljoni]

Hey, your fic is amazing, like truly it's brilliant and I love everything about it, all the insane parts too. I think between the two of them Sue is the bigger masochist though. Like she's a sadist without realizing it sometimes but she's def a masochist most of the time. The thought that next chapter will be in the present is driving me a little mad knowing how we left things in ch7. Like I'm scared. A little. I love the theater stuff. I don't know many things but I sure am enjoying learning new things. And how both of them were so nervous when they had to kiss in that scene. Emily too. Also, Sam Bowles the dude is a great way of creating more and more tension but boy do I hate that guy. And I really hope Emily doesn't sleep with him, this is one of the things that make me feel scared. A vicious cycle. They seem to be good at it. So yeah, someone has to stop it. And it kinda seems like it has to be Sue. I loved your post about tension building, the long one, I loved it because yeah that's it.

I wanted to ask was there a specific reason why it seemed like they haven't slept together for months at the beginning of the fic, if it's not a spoiler? And one more thing have they had any other relationships since they started living together? I guess the answer would be no, one night stands aside. There are so many quotes that make me think of them. Yeah, thank you for everything!

HEYYYYY omg THANK YOU 🥺😵‍💫🤠....yeah sue is def a masochist it is simply ingrained in her....🤧🤧🤧 exactly exactly shes a sadist basically bc shes a masochist who doesnt realise her masochism affects others dlksgjdflkjg stupid little psycho...so glad u love the theatre stuff omg sometimes i worry it's like. self indulgent but it's kinda fun to play around w this idea of seeing/being seen in that arena...exactly like what ur talking about w them being nervous to kiss like it feels objectively dumb to be nervous about kissing in a scene when you like. do it all the time but theres obviously something there about how their affection has always been kind of. a secret (like a BADLY kept secret but still) and at least behind closed doors, how to translate that to the outside world, how to "act", also like the self consciousness of it.....fun to mess around w for sure!!!! so glad u agree!!

ya for sure sue that little nutter shes got Stuff to Sort Out now...vicious cycle yeh!!! so glad u enjoyed the post ab tension, it's so weird/lovely/unexpected to hear that ppl enjoy reading the stuff coming out of my silly little brain ahah bc i actually do like writing about it so it's v fun 😙

also 2 answer ur questions: hmm there isn't REALLY a specific reason, think they kind of go through spells of trying to ummm behave and be normal and then just kind of go. hmm fuck it lol. theres more to come on that though so will stop there so im not spoiling stuff in ch9 🤠 and for other relationships, you're kind of right, i think there were probably attempts at relationships that might have lasted some weeks or even months in places but nothing with too much consistency, more one night stands or casual dating. i don't really see it as a conscious thing though i think it is partly that but partly just like. whats the point whats the point when you're living with the love of your life and you know youve found them. i think that's def emily's perspective in a way and at this stage shes almost just. dating for the variety lol and in a like. ok well let's see what's going on w sue this time...i think actually sue by contrast def doesn't date as much. like more the off one night stand and she feels embarrassed about it. idk if that makes sense it's more just my gut feeling so u can choose what to think ofc!!!! as always!!!!

thank u for this kind and thoughtful mssg, i loved reading it :)

[popculturebuffet]

Final Space: And Into The Fire Review or Now with 110% More Homoerotic Telepathy

Welcome  new and old to my first Final Space review! If you’ve never seen the blog before, and given this is the first “new” series i’ve covered as it come out in some time that’s probably quite a few of you, welcome. I’m Jake, I do recaps and reviews of various animated shows and comics, mostly just stuff I want to do, often on comission (5 dollars an episode if theres any episode of the first two seasons of this show or any episode of any other show you’d like tos ee me cover), or for my patreon patreon.com/popculturebuffet. And it is my utmost honor to add this show to my rotating roster of shows I cover as they come out. 

I friggin love Final Space. I was intrigued by it back when TBS released the animatics alongside Close Enough (Wth the two shows ironically finally together on HBO max as of earlier this month), for their doomed block. I heard a lot of good things about season 1.. and let it get away from me, not watching it till Season 2. But both seasons had more than enough to pull me in with intriguging characters, even greater jokes and a truly unique idea for a premise involving giant monsters, an edltrich god and lots of cookies. 

So while it took an extra year given Covid, I’m super friggin pumped to get into season 3 at long last after the hell of a cliffhanger, especially since ironically last night I saw Steven Yeun’s oscar nominated performance in “Minari”. Now i get to watch him play a cat teenager again too.. and in a few days Mark friggin Grayson. It’s a good week to be a fan of his is what i’m saying and a good week in general. 

Previously on Final Space Yo!: Since it’s been a year and while the series provides  a recap , I’m going to be doing these anyway so:

Our heroes finally got all 5 dimensional keys and freed Bolo, and in the process also freed Avacato from Invictus, the horrifying entity controlling final space. Meanwhile Tribore got Sheryl to stop being a selfish prick and she joined the team trying to be a better mother from now on. But freeing Bolo came at a high cost as Nightfall sacrified herself as the sixth key (KVN was natrually both Gary and Bolo’s first choice, but was inllegible. ) So we ended the season with our heroes entering Final Space and Gary reuniting with Quinn.... while Invictus loomed. So over a year later we finally get some answers so join me under the cut for spoilers, recaps, and homoerotic text ahoy. 

Something i’m doing since both the roster keeps changing.. and as I correctly guessed from the trailer, and the general tone of the promos for this season, that everyone won’t be all together all season.. or even in one piece.. i’ll be doing a silver age style roll call to let us know who all we have on the Team Squad for the episode Roll Call: Gary, Quinn, Avacato, Little Cato, Ash, Fox, KVN, HUE, AVA, Sheryl, Bolo, and Tribore

So we pick up right where we left off, Gary tearfully reuniting with Quinn, with Quinn wishing he hadn’t come for her, and Gary being Gary naturally having ignored that, and actually been more determined since that made it forbidden which made it extra tempting and him want to extra do it. God I missed this glorious idiot let me tell you. 

So things are quickly interrupted by invictus, who turns out to be a giant flaming head.. thing... and chases them and the crimson light, which has to start speeding with our heroes tethered to the outside, Quinn holding onto Gary. 

So we get one hell of a thrilling chase as the Crimson Light outspeeds the demon head and runs into two titans, but Bolo shows up to take out one, with Mooncake trying his dimension shattering blast thingy on Invictus.. and naturlaly g ven this is the big bad we need to show off how horrying they are, and it does NOTHING. But Gary catches his little buddy so we’re alright. 

Sheryl also shows off her badass bonafieds by LIGHTFOLDING THROUGH A TITAN... granted she still has some parenting skills to learn as “lightfolding while your son is hanging out the back through an edltrich god” really isn’t a motherly thing to do.. but neither is trying to murder your child several times or blaming him for how shitty your life turned out so ANYTHING is a step up for her. 

But.. it’s not enough. While she does manage to kill ONE the Crimson Light is too badly damaged to go on and we get two tragic deaths in one go... The Team Squad is forced to abandon the Crimson Light.. and AVA is too damaged to Upload into HUE. “I’m Sad” “For who?” “For you.. and for us. “ God damn Tom Kenny is amazing. You don’t need me telling you that, but sometimes you need a reminder. 

So our heroes end up on a desolate mystery world, stranded in final space with no ship, no suplies and no hope. The only thing to do now is survivie and hope they can continue the mission at some point. 

ONE MONTH LATER

Things have not gotten any better, as naturally , our heroes have only found weird cartoon eyed worms that regrow their heads when you bite them off. So while this means unlimited food, it’s also disgusting and Garry hates it. “This may be a head but it tastes like a butt”. Quinn and Tribore are with him and Quinn hasn’t been ready to talk about her experiences trapped in this hellscape and still isn’t but being a good dude, Gary dosen’t push her on it. Though the weird red veiny thing on her arm tells me maybe one of you should speed that up before she explodes or gets cronnenburgy. Just saying. I’ll also say i’m not huge on the one month time skip, as while I feel they probably have a reason for being that specific i’ts a bit TOO long and I question why have that long a period of a jump, not the longest but still long enough for things to happen with nothing changingin that time? Still it’s a minor nitpick in an otherwise fantastic episode so I can let it go, I just don’t get it. 

What we do get is some Gary Corpses dropping and Invictius puppeting them... i’m with gary that is bowel openingly scary. I also do like how despite the FAR more dire circumstances, they still get in the requisite shenanigans this series requires. I’ts not to the network mandated subplot levels where it distracts, but it’s enough to help ease the terror of the situation and isn’t around for situations like the opening where it really SHOULDN’T be. As the series always has when something big happens, the bollocks goes away. Once we’re in between we can get back to literal pissing contests, KVN leading a crowd to their deaths and HUE in a pimp hat like god intended. 

So yeah our heroes have to outrun the horrible horde of Gary’s, though Little Cato catches on something’s wrong as Tribore makes gary cary him as foreshadowing for later and Sends mooncake down to asssit. Our heroes escape.. but a cave in happens.

After the break, Gary wakes up confused with the party now split in two: Gary, Quinn, KVN, Tribore and HUE on one side and Avacato, Ash, Fox, Little Cato and Sheryl on the other. So Gary does the logical thing... and take his shirt off telling Avacato to feel him. 

I mean I didn’t even ship them before this scene but... Gary claims because of their bond he can telepahtically connect with Avacato. That’s normal Gary shenanigans.. except not only does he shrug off his girlfriend asking why they can’t do that.. but it WORKS. We have a scene of the two telepahtically talking in a wheatfield that is so homerotic I guarantee there only wasn’t the Careless Whisper sax because they couldn’t afford it.. or their saving it for later this season. Look sometimes you don’t ship a ship because you just.. dont’ care that strongly one way or another and sometimes you just need an incredibly gay scene to see the light. Same thing happened with Weblena same thing here. 

Fox also says “that was glorious to watch” same man. That was freaking art. So our heroes split up into three plots. As usual for me

Team Gary: So yeah... Triobore’s pregnant. No way to really softball into that. He’s been pregnant this whole time. So we get a stupid and mildly horrifying gross out sequence with Gary having to look Triobore in teh eyes and Quinn having to “uncork him”. Which is code for ... you know what i’m not going to say it. If you’ve seen the episode you know and if not your better off not visualizing it trust me. Point is this whole sequence is dumb and the worst part of the episode by far. And the series CAN do good gross out. While Olan Rodgers regrets it, the pissing contest was one of the funniest scenes of season 2, and managed to make a gross idea on paper actually pretty damn funny. This.. this is just “Haha males giving birth and tribore’s an asshole”. There’s no joke here just a .. plug. .. gah.. the vomit is rising let me tell you. 

We do get something good out of this nightmare, Tribore’s son who hatches as the army of gary’s dig their way in, Quanstranstro, who rapidly ages into a stylsih spanish speaking adult badass. He is fucking awesome and a great addition to the team and the sheer.. oddity of his birth is wonderful even if the actual birthing was not. Then the climax happens so before that. 

Team Avacato:

Avacato and Co come across a sleeping giant robot cyborg .. thingy. Naturally Fox wakes him up. Little Cato remains not suprised. It occelates between panicking over it’s legs being gone and amenisa and is pretty damn funny. It’s voiced by John Dimagio. But it gets serious as we find out nothing has ever made it out of final space, and things.. change the longer there there. And Quinn’s been there several months if not a year. Whuh oh. This part is much better both due to better jokes and plot advancment.. though again Quanstrano is still fucking amazing. 

Team Bolo: Bolo meanwhile returns and fights a titan, and has mooncake help him rather htan join the others, but looses, hitting the planet with his body.. I mean he might not get back up.. but the impact shatters the caverns and causes an explosion. Everyone but Gary, Quinn, KVN and HUE are MIA, as our remaining party find earth floating overhead. 

TO BE CONTINUED> 

Final Thoughts: A decent start to the season. Like I said the whole birthing sequence can die in a fire and reminds me of the terrible comedy subplots adult swim wanted grafted onto two episodes.. but otherwise it’s a tense stark opener that sets up the bleak tone while still keeping the series rediciulous shenanigans in tact. It’s the perfect welcome back after so long. I mean the gay telepathy alone would make it a winner. 

Next Time on This Blog: We dive into a little history with HIsteria. See you at the next rainbow. 

[dyketubbo]

Wilbur is a Prince of Heart fucking bite me

*clears throat* now that i have your attention please watch as i become mentally ill and explain why wilbur soot is a dirk strider kinnie. all /rp of course. analysis under the cut because i talk. so much.

basic summary: wilbur is destructive about emotions, he destroys others emotionally and most notably destroys himself for being emotional, he wants to be in control and spirals when he loses it but ultimately falls down mentally from broken trust and a misguided want to care for and about others. he lashes out at perceived flaws and puts people into titles, such as putting himself as a villain, and perceives himself as a negative force overall but is unable to stop caring and as such can often turn to using how much he cares into a destructive force. he needs to learn how to healthily let go of control and how to trust others. he used to care healthily and needs to relearn how to do so, but the fact that he is growing into becoming a healthy heart player when he fell due to untreated destructive tendencies is a signifier of being a prince

oh classpects my beloved <3 as a heart player (thief of heart :]) wilbur is absolutely a heart player and anyone who says otherwise is Wrong. anyways what people not super into the classpecting buiz dont know is that while aspects can have certain aesthetics tied to them, they arent defined by those aesthetics, and sometimes themes present in characters is uh, just them being characters and doesnt have anything to do with classpects. thats why every canon heart player in homestuck has something to do with romance (especially failed romance), but being a heart player does not mean youre inherently tied to romance, not really. also characters are often influenced by others and that can mess with things, but classpects are an ultimatum, you have to look at the whole arc of a character to classpect them, and thats hard in a story thats not done yet like the dream smp

but anyways. aspect is more about worldview, its how you see things, and it can either be something youre born into or something you grow into (which is determined by your class- for example, tommy is a knight because hes always had a connection to blood [which is also why i like knight more than thief, because as a thief, thief classes take their aspect and did not always have them, but tommys always been connected to blood, to relationships, in a literal sense he protects {knight} his relationships {blood} and sticks by them {also knight}]) which i think is why it can be so hard for people to agree on one aspect- you have to consider whether or not that character always embodied it or if they grew into it. in a world of unreliable narrators, worldviews have to be actively read into and you have to often push what a character says aside because they may be straight up lying. and because theyre lying, that can affect how they come off and their actions and words may seem disconnected when they arent

wilburs hard to get a handle on his class because of how often he contradicts the fuck out of himself, his aspect is easier to figure out because we've known him long enough to see how he fits into the heart mold- he cares about others, definitely! but he does have a vaguely inherent selfishness about him (calling l'manburg *his*, destroying it because he cant have it, because he's paranoid and doesn't think theres a chance of it ever being what it was meant to be, even when hes given the chance to have it again he destroys it instead because he doesnt want to try and fix it, claiming he doesnt care even though he destroyed it because he cared too much). unhealthy heart players can be cunning but impulsive, perceptive but emotional and falling into gut instincts. exploring their own identities and others identities as well, placing importance in titles and roles and all that jazz, and what parts of this are played into or not is determined by class

wilbur is a prince because princes have a significant projection of self importance. but because princes either destroy their aspect or through their aspect, and are active destroyers, they can often destroy things (or people) if they believe its not working correctly, or if theyre losing control. unhealthy princes can often lash out and destroy others and themselves for perceived weaknesses, and will often focus on themselves. unhealthy princes often start thinking theyre the root of why theres so many shitty things going on. princes in general also try really hard to compensate for insecurities and do by justifying what happens to them with narratives that they deem to be correct. they arent actively malicious, but if they see a perceived flaw it can often piss them off and cause them to lash out

wilbur loses control (and i must note here, he also loses trust, and accepting that you can trust others and that its okay to not be in control is a sign of a healthy prince) and spirals because of betrayal and paranoia, and that only makes him want more control over what happens so that he cant be betrayed again. he tries to destroy his own emotions, becomes distant and untrusting, tries to destroy others emotions by stating his own current worldviews and stating that they cant trust others and that hes going to destroy what and who they care about. however, because wilbur is still emotional and still cares, as a apart of his character, he still often backs out of destruction (or offers himself up to be destroyed instead, "if youre going to kill anyone kill me"), its in his most conscious moments that he shows that hes not as malicious as he wants people to see him as. he sees himself as a villain and as the cause of all bad things, and encourages pursuits of power because he sees control and power as good things

tommys quote of "he treated other people badly because he wanted to be treated badly" (paraphrased of course) works well here for why wilbur is a prince. he destroyed because he wanted to be destroyed, destroyed lmanburg and hurt others and drove them to hurt others (the pit) because he saw himself as a destructive force needed to be taken down. he wanted to be in control of his life, his safety, others safety, of his possessions and of the narrative, and it all swirled into him wanting to be in control of his own death. bards are too passive, they invite destruction rather than cause it, wilbur can be mistaken as a bard because of how he often acts with tommy, but that can also be seen as a princely thing of trying to be in control of who he cares about

also the lying about what he cares about feels very prince of heart lol. bitch saying he doesn't care about l'manburg then staring wistfully at the van.. yeah. he cares. but it serves his goal more to pretend he doesn't. l'manburg itself was a decision driven by emotion, it's an emotional priority, and that's why wilbur cares about it (heart move), but wants to destroy it because he feels like the original emotions he put behind it are gone and corrupted and that he and others no longer deserve it (prince move). as such, he clashes with tommy, who cares about it because he got a family from it (blood move) and wants to protect it and keep everyone involved safe (knight move)

you could argue that wilbur fits classes like witch because of how he manipulates emotions and others but i think that lays way into how revivedbur is currently acting and not how wilbur is as a whole. he's too driven by impulses to be a witch, and i think a witch wilbur would be way more actively villainous than a prince wilbur, however surprising that may sound. princes are destructive sure, but ultimately their downfall comes from whether they trust others or not, and wilbur only trusting tommy (and maybe phil? im waiting to see more interactions between them to see if wilbur is going to really be open to phil or not) isn't enough to save wilbur from his spiral. he needs to learn how to healthily release control and how to trust others, how to step back and snap out of thinking he knows best. also i feel that it's a bit easier to see when princes are full of shit than it is to see when a witch is full of shit lmao, at least from a personal perspective, of course when you're a viewer of the story it's easier to see manipulation than it is when you're apart of the story

[kawaiijellymonster]

Black clover is an amazing show/manga and anyone who disagrees is wrong. Yeah thats a strong statement but its true. Black Clover is shamelessly shounen but in the best way possible. The main character is an underdog, so far so shounen, but the thing that makes him different is that his underdog status is never magically resolved, yeah he got a cool new power but unless he had spent years training his body that power would be useless, and as the witch arc showed us even after he got the power he had to do a whole training montage with a weird guy in the woods just to learn how to use it properly, his skill now is a culmination of a decade of work and everything he achieves will be because he put in the effort. Also people don’t recognise that he is as amazing as we know him to be, he's just that weird kid from the black bulls, the kid with no magic, he doesn’t get taken seriously until he shows off what he can do and even then some people still think that there's a trick. This is starkly different from shows like BNHA that give like an episode long training montage and then kinda call it good enough, give the mc a cool power and then they use it recklessly. Asta is painfully aware of his own incompetence. He knows that if he screws up thats it, so he has to be careful with his body, take care of it, eat, sleep and keep up with his exercise or else he’s doomed. “He still got hurt” I hear you say” and you’re right, he did get hurt because it was hurt his arms or let everyone he cared about die, and then he sat there yelling at fate saying he’d find another option and that he won’t stop. Its a kind of shounen tenacity that you don’t find many other places, in mha if izuku hadn’t been given a quirk he probably would have given up, he was kind of fed up with being told he couldn’t do it and was ready to agree, Asta only agreed once and for a single moment because the moment he stops thats it and he knows it. How they incorporated rivals was fantastic, most shows pick one or two rivals and that's about it, but in black clover just about everyone has declared themselves astas rival. They are acknowledging his strength and daring both him and themselves to do and be better. It lends an air of intrigue and tension to just about every scene he’s in because they’re competing, always This leads into my next point, the pacing is fantastic. Maybe not in about the first 18 episodes which was largely responsible for its downfall in the anime community due to the (bullshit) "three episode rule". However its like demon slayer in that it goes from action to action to action, it gives you maybe an episode or two of what me and my friend call "TA episodes" where it gives you a moment to breath but otherwise its moving forward, every action scene progresses the plot or the characters in some unique way that makes it so you can just...binge it all since the end of the episode is never the end of anything, theres always something more, something to wait up at night or to wake up early for when the new episode airs. It does have a "harem" I guess if you wanted to call it that, which lends back into the "shamelessly shounen" aspect of the show but it doesn't disgrace these characters, the three characters who are in love with him, noel, mimosa, and that girl he saved in that town that one time (can't remember her name, sorry) haven't changed anything about themselves to make themselves more appealing to him, they don't fall over themselves for him, yeah they're awkward but like...thats how love works. There is only one "fanservice" character in the whole thing, which is vannessa however shes not dressing for anyone else but herself and despite the fact that shes wearing a bra and panties and drunk af most of the time none of the characters sexualize her and treat her badly/as less than because of it. This show drinks its respecc women juice and you cannot change my mind on that. On that point, although there is a clear male female imbalance within the group the women are pretty strong and they're hella respected, nobody fucks with meleorelona, nobody questions dorothy unsworths place in the captains even though she sleeps all the time, a whole squad of girls? yeah and nobody teases or gives them shit for it kuz they know they will get beat the fuck up. Also going back a moment, Asta, despite having a harem only has eyes for one girl!! his whole life he just wants to marry the nun from the orphanage he grew up at, he has girls desperate for his attention and he still just wants to marry this one girl and if that isn't the greatest dedication you've ever heard of in a shounen (aside from everyone loving nezuko in demon slayer) you get get the fuck out. Then the foreshadowing, the whole first arc/plot story thing with the elves had so much foreshadowing, they played the magic king defeating the demon in the start of every episode and I had no thoughts I skipped it every episode after the first like 20 times and then it shows it again and you learn this giant lesson about how there are often two sides of the same coin, because to the people it was "yeah the magic king defeated the giant monster" but to the magic king it was a mercy kill on his best friend who didn't want to hurt anybody but it was the best of his few and all bad options. It was the biggest slap to the face that nobody expected but it was perfect anyway. Thinking about duality, many people in the story have an issue where they were brought up a certain way and think a certain way, often that they are incapable, or that their power is somehow flawed or useless. But the show straight up says that its not that your power its useless you just haven't found the right application for it yet. noelle thought she couldn't do anything but with more training, a wand, and more defensive spells or the suit shes able to accomplish things she never thought she could. Finral was always told his magic wasn't useful because it was passive rather than attack magic, but when used in conjunction with vannessa and asta they were able to down one of the eyes of the midnight suns biggest guys, it wasn't that he was useless he just wasn't thinking of how to apply it to make it useful before and now that he does he has so many options its amazing. these are just my off the top of my head reasons why I think that black clover is one of the best shows ever but yeah, tell me what you think, or not, totally up to you.

[astro-break]

Thoughts on the third ep of Hypmic Rhythm Anima (as always, spoilers beware but not only for the anime itself but for future things covered in the Drama CD and the Manga. If you’re an anime only, those are marked with a *)

Right off the bat. Super disappointed that it isn’t a MTC episode. I wanted an MTC episode. :((((

Still got my MTC crumbs this week tho and I think I can hold out until next week which hopefully will give me the MTC episode I so desperately want (Yes, i have a division bias and i’m not afraid to show it)

Jakurai entertaining kids are just so cute. I think its very very precious.

* Also. What kind of doctor is Jakurai anyways? So far we know that he’s a councilor/therapist (helps Doppo w/ his anxiety), a pediatrician (he helped a kid), a family doctor (I think i might be wrong on this one), a surgeon (In the FP vs MTC manga he’s shown preforming surgery), a hitman/assassin (:/ yeah evil line records seems intent on retconning this one), a battle field medic (he’s state to be one during WWIII) and now he’s getting called into the orthopedic (things concerning the musculoskeletal system) and gastroenterology (working w. the digestive system) department, two things that have nothing in common with each other. And I’m sure I’m missing some. There is no way in hell this man can do all that he’s 35 for fucks sake. You’d be old and grey before you could learn and complete the credentials needed to work half of these jobs

Nice to now that theres some hints of jakurai’s past. I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing more of the detective later in the story, esp for Matenrou

Doppo being overworked as usual *sigh*. When will the man ever rest? Never... Though im a bit skeptical as to why one of his co-workers calls him doppo. this is a work environment, usually he’d be called “Kanonzaka” for the least amount of informality. seems sus to me. Though his depiction of his insecurities is nice

I love how his first reaction is to call Hifumi and as him if he’s killed anyone. Peak bromance guys. 

Honestly Doppo’s method of trying to calm down is nice but not at all effective. He has the right mindset of calming down and letting his body breath, but the way he goes about it is... eh. 

Tom and Iris’ argument is hilarious and I really want to see more of them and Rex! Can’t wait to see what happens with these three new characters

Iasdgfjsd;flkasjdflkasdjfkasdlvn ajsdk, MTCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

MY BPOYS OH MY GOD RIOU NEVER CHANGE

fsajghasdf i love them asdhfoiksldjfasdfj riou’s food looks so so so so so good omgggggg

Samatoki respecting the fuck outta Jakurai is amazing and I never get tired of their father-child kind of relationship (yes jakurai is a dad to TDD fight me.)

The Riou and Samatoki interactionnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah my heart!! they know each other so well and play off each others strengths. its so cute and I love how Samatoki knows his teammates well enough to know when to play each of his pieces. He isn’t just some brute who speaks through his fists, but he does use his head too. I think this is one of the reasons why he’s also high up on the Yakuza ladder since he’s not only brawny but also brainy

EAT RIOUS FOOD SAMATOKI

ah yes, Jyuto kneeing a bitch. just what I needed to see on a stressful friday thank you for feeding me

I love MTC, im very happy with the MTC crumbs. Since MTR showed up in BB’s ep last week, i really really hope that next week’s ep will be MTC

There it is. Jakurai’s “Jitsuni Kyoumibukai” line

lolololololol the sound effects for MTR is hilarious. Though please give Doppo a break, man deserves it

Jaku’s hair man. its beautiful

Again, please give Doppo a break, he deserves with the 4 joints that they attacked

They say 3 times, but they attacked 4 places?? Did they not report one of them?

Ahhhhh the DoHifu interaction on the temple grounds is both hilarious and cute. Though I can’t help but feel bad for Doppo

* Huh, Jaku did you get that from your hitman days loll

Oh man host mode. Though I like how Doppo recognizes when Host Mode is  a legitimate shield that Hifumi needs and is willing to give him that shield when he needs it. God I love their dynamic]

wow... yet another female stalker for Hifumi... very original. This is pretty similar to the stalker girl from the manga and CD

Lol callback to when Doppo was in the toilet and trying to calm down. 

pffft the girl is so weird. I can’t stand her or Uwabami. 

The plot is so convoluted holy shit. Is this a drama now? (I’ve never watched any c-dramas or k-dramas so I’m the furthest thing from a voice of authority but this seems like a drama show plot lmao.)

This is just a drama at this point lol. Misunderstandings, plot twists and cheesy shit all over the place. Its a badly written and hilarious drama thats for sure

Someone please write a fic where instead of the hypmic universe, the boys are all in a tv drama show plot and their hijinks bc it would fit perfectly. please

Ah, Doppochin snapped~ He’s very interesting once he gets fired up and thats when I really really like MTR. Don’t get me wrong, I love them normally but its when they get down to it that really makes me squeal in delight

Oh! So i think each character gets their own personalized intro w/ their speakers, not just the leaders. Thats honestly so so so cool. The 3D didn’t get in the way of the sequence and was really flashy and smooth. I love how they show the transformation and reveal of the mic and speaker. Honestly the Anime has so many good takes on thigs that aren’t touched on often in the franchise.

The rap was honestly fire this time around. I love it and have replayed it almost 20 times. According to the ending credits its called Welcome U which is so cute for such a funny and badass song. The strong base beat and imagery were so strong and included a lot of homages to things that really matches both Shinjuku, Matenrou and the lyric’s themes and they’re really small but important details! The humor was on point without sacrificing any of the amazingly cool elements and the three distinct styles of rap were integrated in such a catchy melody!

EG) the verse All Year Round features a quick shot of the four seasons and the things most prominently associated with each season. Spring has cherry blossoms and flower viewing, Summer has festivals, Fall and Winter have food that corresponds to events that happen in those seasons.

Doppo’s line of “The flea counters w/ a bite” is so so so cute bc he’s got a little w at the end and thats jp chatspeak for a laugh and skjdfhsdjfkslad adorable

Hifumi picking up right after and asking if Doppo is okay is just. Goals. And his gratutious english works really well and is super smooth! Very very good

Also the small homage to The Champions with Hifumi’s “Jump around” line and the format where Hifumi takes separate lines than Jaku and Doppo. Its a brilliant way to sneak these references in and they’ve kept that theme going from last episode

Foreshadowing with “We’re the true leader, Matenro!” Nice touch there lol.

Lol of course its attempted murder. Still gotta keep this PG 13 even though theres swearing abound

The ending w/ mimimi..... leaves me kind of torn since i don’t like how it ended but they did provide some nice advice. i guess

lsdf;jsalkdfjsldf Hifumi please you’ve known Doppo for over 25 years, you should know better than anyone what his charm points are. and shouldn’t you be the one who understands Doppo’s appeal? smh

SCREEEEEEE THAT TITLE OF THE NEXT EP. if its an MTC ep i will scream even more bc asudhfsdkjflasd A friend in need is a friend indeed this is just pushing my Poly!MTC agenda isn’t it

Final thoughts:

Please please please let next week be MTC please please please

DoHifu are goals, both romantically and platonically

The rap was fire and I’m going to keep listening to it on repeat. First ep was a bit of a disappointment in terms of CGI and raps but these latest two eps are really picking up the slack! I really hope they continue this for the next two!

JAKURAI WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR ARE YOU PLEASE TELL ME

[shadedrose01]

Truth or Dare (Yes, I Double Dare You)

Ships: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker), mentioned Thompsborn (Harry Osborn/Flash Thompson)

Summary: Peter play Truth or Dare with his friends.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 8, I dare you to kiss me, Truth or Dare, Party Games, Birthday Party, They play truth or dare y'all, Peter has a crush on Harley, Harley likes him back, Thompsborn is in this too, Bisexual Peter Parker, Gay Harley Keener, Dare, Calling your crush, admitting feelings, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, Kissing, Cute, Fluff, a lot of swearing, I dont know why i made them swear so much, im sorry lol, Bad French, Poor translated french, I Tried

Day eight of Febufluff: "I dare you to... kiss me"!

--

"Hmm, I dare you to speak in a French accent for the next three rounds." Flash grins over his cup, swirling the drink in front of his mouth before taking a sip, watching the smile drop off of his boyfriend's face, an incredulous expression replacing it.

"Seriously?!?"

"Yes, seriously! And that wasn't in an accent!"

"Oui, oui, baguette." Harry deadpans, looking so entirely done with Flash's bullshit, the entire room erupting into laughter as said boy sits up, shoving his boyfriend's shoulder hard.

"No halfassed bullshit, dickwad. The real deal."

"Fine, you want the real deal?" Harry sits up straight, and Peter starts giggling like a mad man from the other side of the room, leaning against the wall to watch the scene unfold, knowing exactly what is about to happen. Harry clears his throat, holds a dramatic pause for a few seconds, before- "Tu veux un accent francaise, tu vas recevoir un accent francaise."

"Oh my god, I forgot he spoke French!" Flash moans, slowly slipping down the wall in shame.

"Oh la la, ma chérie, qu'est ce que tu as fais, eh?" Harry grins, smug, cheeky, knowing he's won this hand as his boyfriend sinks even lower, his head almost level with the ground, his face red.

"And why is it so hot?!?"

"Okay, okay, enough." Ned laughs, sitting chris cross apple sauce beside Peter, the party hat sat on the top of his head beginning to sag.

It was Ned's 17th birthday, and instead of throwing a big party full of alcohol and loud music like most people in their classes did, he decided to have a smaller party, a sleepover full of board games, video games and now party games, with his closest friends, with their friend group. So here they all were, packing into Ned's smaller sized room, Flash and Harry practically conjoined at the hip sitting against the wall, Peter and Ned sitting on top of his bed on the other side of the room, and MJ and Harley leaning against said bed, sat on the floor, playing what would hopefully be a quick game of Truth or Dare. Hopefully.

Peter had never liked this game. There was always too much risk for him in this game, of being asked to reveal one of his many secrets, or of being asked to embarrass himself for laughs. He gets the appeal of it, the adrenaline rush, the amusement of watching your friends do something stupid, it's a fun game to watch, but that doesn't mean he likes playing it. He hadnt even called on yet though, and he was hoping to keep it that way.

He shouldn't have jinxed it.

As if his thoughts manifested into reality, Harry turns to stare at him with a unknown, horrifying glint in his eyes. Oh no, this is definitely not going to end well. "Action ou Vérité?"

Peter sighs, looking up to the ceiling as he mumbles "Dare.", assuming that's what Harry asked. If he's going to go down, he may as well go down in style.

Harry's grin widens, and Peter is already regretting his decision. "Je te défie de telephoner ton béguin."

Peter blinks at him in confusion, before MJ translates, "He's daring you to call your crush."

"What?!?" Peter sputters, Harry cackling at  his flushing face while Harley speaks up for the first time in a while, his ('beautiful, gorgeous, fuck-') face turned towards MJ, scrunched up in thought.

"You know French? Since when?"

MJ just shrugs, face impartial, the only sign of her shyness being her pushing a stray hair behind her ear. "Since I got bored one day and learned it."

Harley just nods, like that makes sense, all while Peter is internal freaking the fuck out. Normally, this type of thing wouldn't be an issue. Sure, your friends will find out who your crush is, and tease you about it, and it'll be embarassing and whatever, but that's not the problem. Oh no no no no no, that would be too easy for Peter Parker. No, the problem with this question for Peter is that his crush is in the damn room, sitting directly in front of him leaning against the bed, an easy smile tilting up his thin pink lips, showing off his adorable dimples as he scans the room again with those big, stunning ocean blue eyes, hair coiffed back just right, messy, but just neat enough to be perfect, one stray blond curl falling in front of his eyes and fuck, fuck, frick fuck.

What is he going to do?!? He can't exactly call Harley when he's right in front of him, but he can't exactly say that he won't do it either, he wont be that guy. And now everybody is staring at it, expectant, waiting, shit, shit, shit-

Ned's eyes are the only ones that are sympathetic, because he knows, he knows who Peter likes and why this is such a big deal. Harley is one of Peter's best friends, they've been friends for years, and Peter is closer to Harley than he is to anybody else, he cant just throw it all away because of a game, can he? Harley definitely doesnt like him back, so if he does call him, it'll only end badly, but theres this tiny, tiny, traitorous part of him that wants to fo it, wants to tell him, if only to get it out in the open. But he cant ruin their friendship like that, he cant, but- but- oh god, oh no-

"Come on, Parker, we don't have all day." Flash complains innocently, not knowing of Peter's internal dilemma as he throws a stray piece of popcorn at him, Peter catching it subconsciously and throwing it into his mouth, just to try and get a few more seconds of peace before all hell breaks loose, before he destroys his closest friendship with his stupid ass feelings, goddamn it-

"Yeah, Pete, come on, dont keep us on the end of our seats." Harley teases, placing his head onto the blankets and looking back at him upside down, his hair surrounding his head like a halo, making him look even more angelic that he normally does, and god, why him, why? "Who's caught your eye, hm?"

Peter takes a deep, long, shaky breath, trying to prepare himself for the worst (and failing), taking his phone out of his pocket and scrolling down to Harleys contract, the black letters and two heart emojis on either side staring back at him mockingly. He hovers his thumb over the call button, noting how much its trembling, before he gulps and presses it, placing the phone to his ear, squeezing his eyes shut like a coward, unable to watch, knowing that Harleys expression was going shift, was going to turn from soft and warm, friendly, to hard and angry, to hatred and disgust and-

ACDC blares out into the room, the noise very obviously Harley's ringtone, and Peter grits his teeth, biting his tongue hard, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Wha-" Harley sounds so confused, so so confused, and Peter's squeezes his eyes shut tighter, holding back the burning tears that are threatening to spill. "Peter, why are you- wait..." He stops, pauses, and Peter digs his nails into his palm, squeezing his phone until he hears it start to crack. "...really?"

His voice is shaky, and god, Peter made him upset, he is probably so hurt, so confused, so disgusted, god stupid, you're so stupid, why would you do that, why didnt you just not do it, why why why-

He nods once, slowly, swallowing down a sob before whispering out "I'm sorry," into the now eerily silent room, his friends seemingly shocked into silence. He doesnt even want to know what they're thinking, what expressions are on their faces-

Theres another pause, another moment before he hears somebody shifting, Harley standing up, he's leaving, he's leaving- Good job, Parker, now you're forcing him to leave, you made him feel so uncomfortable that he's leaving, good fricken job, god, what is wrong with you-

A hand rubs his cheek gently, so so gently, spurring him out of his head as it brushes away a tear that had broken free, before another hand joins it on his other cheek, cradling his face. Peter blinks opens his eyes, shocked to see that its Harleys hands on his face, and that its Harley sat right in front of his face, with a wide smile and glowing eyes, face bright. "You mean it? You really mean it?"

Peter just nods again, so, so confused but also filling with a spark of hope, of joy as Harley's smile grows even more, filling his face before he launches into Peter's arms, hugging him tightly. "Oh thank god," he breathes into Peter's shoulder, and Peter is so lost, what is happening- "I thought you  were gonna call someone else, and I was gonna have to act all happy and like it didn't bother me when it totally would have and-"

"Wait, wait," Peter finally puts together the pieces, and pulls away to stare at Harley with wide eyes, the beginning of a smile twitching at his lips. "You like me back?"

"Yeah?" Harley cheeks grow a rosey hue, and he looks away bashfully. "I thought it was obvious."

Peter shakes his head wildly, eyes still wide, this cant be happening, he likes me back, he likes me- "No, no it wasn't, it really really wasn't-"

"So, what I'm hearing," MJ cuts in, tone blunt as always, but with hints of warm amusement softening the usual edge, "is that you two are oblivious idiots."

They both laugh breathless, staring into each others eyes. "Apparently." Harley murmurs, his blue eyes swirling and flickering up and down, looking down at his lips before looking back up again.

Peter gets an idea, a cheesy, cheesy idea, and grins. "Hey, it's my turn now, right?" He asks to the group, never taking his eyes off of Harley.

"Yeeup!" Ned responds enthusiastically, seemingly thrilled to see his two best friends realizing their feelings for one another.

"Well," he leans forward a bit more, watching as Harleys pupil's grow bigger. "Truth or dare, Harls."

"Dare." He responds easily, quickly, seemingly getting more and more antsy by the second. Peter can't blame him, he feels the same way.

"I dare you to kiss me." Peter doesnt even finish his sentence before Harley's lips are pressed to his, his hands moving upwards and running through his hair, fingers grabbing lightly onto the strands as Peter grabs his hips lightly, pulling him closer, both of the boys grinning into the kiss. Peter can hear MJ gagging in the background, Harry exclaiming "gross!" like he doesnt kiss Flash every two seconds, and Ned squealing like a fangirl, but he ignores it all, just focusing on Harley, focusing on this moment, his heart swelling in his chest.

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[beezlebutch]

Legend of Korra thought dump

I decided to jot down my thoughts on episodes 6-8 of Legend of Korra as I watched them. I’m probably going to do this for other episodes as well I like jotting down my thoughts! 7 and 8 below the cut. 

S1E6

-I would really like to see the rules for pro-bending

-I hate this floppy hair bastard, I hope he sticks around

-Thought that guy was going to pill a gun from his popcorn

-I wonder if most people know about Yue

-no they took the bastards bending

-Pabu!

-Isn’t bending a spiritual thing? Like, Toph learned bending from the badger moles and all of the airbenders could bend because they were such a spiritual society.  Non-benders could, theoretically, learn bending 

-oh shit the arena

-theres the ice I was wondering about (we hadn’t seen any ice before this ep)

-In the same way that some can bend metal would it be possible for some earthbenders to bend glass?

-can Korra lighning bend? It was rare in ATLA but it seems more popular (and important) now that its industrial.

S1E7

-I love Korra’s outfits

-Pabu!

-what the fuck are those things why do they have human torsos oh my god I hate them so much

-Oh the bastard is here! Tahno! his hair is sad :(

-Yeah revenge for the bastard!

-I want to go swimming so badly right now

- Asami <3

-I like Asami a normal amount

-Asami’s dad is another bastard. I don’t like him at all

-Baby bending!

-Are Agni Kais still a thing?

-Don’t they still have old phone things where they can have someone listen in

-I would love to research Inuit fashion to see how much Korra’s fashion is related

- “Young Avatar’s active imagination” Gross

-Open the crates like normal people goodness

-Korra and Aang are both stubborn with their hunches

-I like the tic tic of the metal benders shoes

-Lin Beifong! I like the seismic sense!

-He belly flopped on him!

-Mako shut up and let Asami come down

-The music in Avatar is always so good at setting the mood

-Korra could’ve lifted those bodies with no problems

-Asami’s here! YEs

-You can really see the anti-firebending  pathways from ATLA be carried into anti-bending in LOK

-I like the new bending styles but I really miss the martial arts from the first series

S1E8 I should probably make this the last episode here

-I can’t remember the children's names yet but KID NO

-Oh this new chief of police looks like he’s the worst!

-Report to Tarrlok??? NOOO

-”Bub”

-Just water bend the tears away

-I love Bolin!

-Surely the problem with the exhaust wouldn’t be seeing it would be breathing

-Mmmm that seems like a way to arrest innocents Tarrlok

-Oh no they passed it oh no this won’t go well

-Fuck Tarlok, all my homies hate Tarrlok

-”This is an equality rally” That woman has a baby in her arms

-BRING BEIFONG BACK

-7 Minutes left of the episode and I want to beat Tarrlok up so bad

-INDEFINITELY?? Ohh I’m gonna beat Tarrlok up so much

-I like how this series is more serious without completely  getting rid of the silliness from the last series

-I like the symbolism and stuff in Tarrloks chamber. The hints to their tribes, the waterfall with the koi behind it, open window with Korra and closed window behind Tarrlok

-Oh this is a fight?

-how did that take his hair down

-Korra and Aang are both impulsive and stubborn, just in different ways based on their upbringing

-oh no bloodbending

-firebending, unlike earth and waterbending, doesn’t need you to move really to bend. I would love to see some connections between it and air, the other element that lets the benders do that.