#and yet i still feel i have to repent for writing the character | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

la-chacha-gris · 18 days ago

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6K FOLLOWERS!!!

The title gives little away about the post's content. As I announced, I wasn't going to bother you by thanking you and making promises every time we reached a milestone in our follower count. It's not even a year yet, and I remember when I started how everything would stop for a post like this every 50 new followers. It's a little scary to think about…

El título deja poco a revelar sobre el contenido del post. Tal como anuncié, iba menos a molestar dándoos gracias y promesas cada vez que alcanzáramos hito en la cantidad de seguidores. Aún no se ha cumplido el año y recuerdo cuando empezaba como paraba todo para un post como estos cada 50 nuevos seguidores. Da un poco de vértigo pensarlo…

Thinking… That old, classic luxury that called itself Aristotle. I didn't do much of it when starting the blog. I was just looking to escape the empty spaces and dead hours in my life by imposing a discipline on myself to express myself, thinking about what I'm writing, and organizing my notes or glancing at things a bit with books stacked up waiting to be read… And here we are, after convincing myself with several bans that this would be impossible on a secondary Facebook account, and losing my first account and blog here because so much had changed on Tumblr.

Pensar… Ese viejo lujo clásico que le decía ser Aristóteles. Yo no lo hice mucho para empezar el blog. Solo buscaba huir de espacios vacíos y horas muertas en mi vida por medio de imponerme una disciplina para expresar, pensar qué cuento y ordenar mis notas o mirarme las cositas un poco con libros apilados esperando leerse… Y aquí estamos, tras convencerme con varios ban de que esto sería imposible en una cuenta secundaria de Facebook, y perder mi primera cuenta y blog aquí porque mucho había cambiado Tumblr.

I must seem sad when I'm read, or at least not as celebratory as I should be. My feeling about the number reached is peculiar. I feel responsible for the attention I've garnered, indebted for all the announced topics and articles that haven't yet blossomed… And I also find myself pensive about the blunders, the entanglements that kept me from posting more and better… or the ephemeral nature of it all when this blog could also be suddenly banned, or when there was a weekend when it had a content warning and all my content was sorted by tags and linked in the pinned post, and internally became unreadable. We've reached great heights (including you, encouraging us with feedback), but it's easy to fall and everything disappears.

Debo parecer triste al leérseme, o al menos no tan celebrante como debería. Mi sensación con la cifra alcanzada es peculiar. Me siento responsable para con la atención granjeada, en deuda por todos los temas y artículos anunciados que no han eclosionado todavía… Y también me encuentro pensativa para con las meteduras de pata, los enredos que no me dejaban postear más y mejor… o lo efímero de todo cuando este blog también podría ser baneado de repente, o cuando hubo un fin de semana en que estuvo con un aviso de contenidos y todo mi contenido ordenado por tags y enlazado en el post fijado e internamente quedó inencontrable. Hemos llegado alto (os incluyo a vosotros, animando con feedback) pero es fácil caer y desparecer todo.

It's not sadness. It's a severe, furrowed brow serenity. That's what it means to feel successful in what you set out to do, but remember all the effort it took and how perseverance is even more disciplined if possible. I've barely begun to address the topics I want to cover on the blog because I have to explore and examine them first. There's still a lot to do, and I enjoy it every day, but I can't help feeling this way about something that must be similar to what Nietzsche attributed to the Greeks. Remember, that which was a lie and his invention when it came to interpreting the Hellenic character. I wrote an article here about it—last year?—and it seems like a century ago… And that article was readable independently, but it was part of a series that I hoped would culminate in something important, at least for me, and hopefully for a certain princess of the knife. I don't feel like I'm in the mood for celebration; there are a thousand things to do and many more I owe you. I hope to have them published by the next milestone of large, round issues. I'm ashamed when I think about everything that's been promised and delayed. Thank you for your patience, for being there, and for everything. I promise this time, I'll do better by the next milestone.

No es tristeza. Es una serenidad severa de ceño fruncido, eso supone sentir éxito en lo que te proponías pero recordar todo lo que ha costado y como queda perseverar más disciplinada si cabe. Apenas he empezado a tratar los temas que quiero tratar al blog porque antes tengo que recorrerlos y examinarlos yo. Queda mucho por hacer y lo disfruto cada día, pero no puedo evitar sentirme así en algo que debe ser parecido a lo que Nietzsche adjudicaba a los griegos. Recuerden, aquello que era mentira e invento suyo en cuanto interpretar el carácter helénico. Hice un artículo aquí sobre ello ¿el año pasado? y parece que fue hace un siglo… Y aquel artículo era legible independientemente pero parte de una serie en la que esperaba culminar en algo importante, para mi al menos, y espero que para cierta princesa del cuchillo. No siento que esté para celebraciones, hay mil cosas que hacer y muchas que os debo. Espero tenerlas ya publicadas para el siguiente hito de números grandes y redondos. Me da vergüenza cuando pienso en todo lo prometido y demorado. Gracias por vuestra paciencia, por estar ahí y por todo. Prometo esta vez solo el que para el próximo hito estaré haciéndolo mejor.

#6000 followers #tumblr milestone #diario

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jinnaizaemon · 4 months ago

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I've been thinking a lot about Doi and how the third movie, Dokutake Ninja Corps' Strongest Tactician, really is a brilliantly executed love letter to his character and what he represents for the narrative, the characters, and the audience too, so I wanted to write about it a little. I'm going to talk about Nintama as a franchise in the larger sense, and how common motifs are used to portray Doi across different media, but since I feel the third movie manages to crystalize it all in its story, I will focus on it a lot. So if you haven't watched Dokutake Ninja Corps' Strongest Tactician and don't want to be spoiled, please stop reading here! Also, this is just me having fun tying different motifs together. Consider it just food for thought or, the rambling of a nerd who's a little too passionate. Finally, I might edit this post later when the movie becomes available and I get my own copy so I can add screenshots to illustrate. Again, it's not available to watch at home yet, so everything about the movie I write about is from memory. That's another thing I might need to edit later in case of inaccuracies!

The manga and anime being aimed at children, it's rarely in your face, but the setting is central to Nintama, it justifies both the existence of the Academy and the characters' motivations. It's war out there for unifying the country, and it's important context to know it lasts for more than a century before the relative long peace of the Edo period. The franchise plays with history, of course, but by its rules ninja are either soldiers loyal to a specific castle or mercenaries, making Ninjutsu Academy a school made in response from a need to produce more trained soldiers for the ongoing wars.

I find it interesting that Doi runs away from his ninja duties and ends up teaching instead, because while it gives him a break from actively participating in battles, in the end he's still eventually sending kids to the Sengoku meatgrinder. My point is that Doi as a person is far from perfect, but is actively trying to better himself. I'd say he's in the process of finding ways to repent for his past life : showing gratitude to the Yamada family, teaching children, "adopting" Kirimaru... there's a lot of talk about tsudoi and Doi opening an orphanage in the future, and while it's not canon at all, he's an inherently nurturing character with no interest in the war, so this kind of epilogue makes a lot of sense for him, doesn't it?

Doi's backstory from volume 50.

Contrasting with his early characterization that is more like a sometimes immature older brother to Rankirishin, Doi got wise with time and is known as a caring teacher to the ha-class, and parent/caretaker to Kirimaru. His shift to a nurturing figure might have started when the author of the manga, Amako Soubee, started associating him with Hounen in her mind. Doi has had ties with Buddhism for a long time now, something that is made quite explicit in the third movie. I remember thinking Doi is kind of like of a boddhisattva (one delaying his own state of Buddhahood to help others reach enlightenment) to others, as a teacher to the nintama, but also as an inspirational figure to more characters. But as well-meaning as Doi can be, he's not quite there yet isn't he? He's young and prone to failure, something he acknowledges at the end of the movie, making a point to apologize to his students. Also obviously, despite all the goodness in his heart, he was a ninja before being a teacher, and worked for an aggressive castle according to Ninmyu 12. It's never made explicit, but the story takes place during wartime, so it's easy to imagine what Doi had to do for the sake of his job.

In his quest for betterment, Doi not only appears as an anchor for many characters, the ha-class, Kirimaru all especially, Rikichi too- but also ends up offering an interesting alternative to the cast : teaching instead of ninjutsu, nurturing instead of killing, peace instead of war. Ninjutsu is what Nintama is all about and the reason for being for most of the cast, and yet Doi goes against it... And he's probably right in that peace and happiness are to be found beyond ninjutsu. When children look at professional ninja like Rikichi for example, it's with stars in their eyes, but episodes that focus on the characters' adult worries show stories more grounded into reality. Rikichi has a troubled relationship with his family and ninjutsu, making him jaded about his job, Teruyo and Bouta struggle to find proper work, Demoshika wants the comfort of an office job above anything else, and then you've got Tasogaredoki and their mutual suicide ideation out of loyalty, etc etc. When you start thinking about what kind of future awaits the nintama it can get bleak pretty fast... which is probably why the franchise is stuck in a status quo. We do get peeks at what life could be like for nintamas after graduation, like for example with Ouji and Kouun in Ninmyu 14 being tasked with... going against Ninjutsu Academy and harming their juniors, or Seiemon and Kanbei getting violently beat up by Zatto in The Strongest Tactician.

In short, outside of the safe bubble that Ninjutsu Academy represents during wartime, things aren't so great right now. Which is why Doi is such an important figure, and key to a happy end for the cast.

From 30-35. "I think that young man would make a fine teacher. He might even become even better at it than you, dear."

30-35 is such an important episode because it shows a turning point for Doi that ends up being a huge butterfly effect on so many characters. Doi may have relied on Yamada then and still does, but Yamada's wife showed great insight here. It's thanks to her Doi ended up teaching after all... When Doi plays with Rikichi, it's the first time he offers a child "an alternative" to the warrior path. He doesn't do it consciously, it's something he has in him without his knowledge (and 32-64 shows us he still has a lot to learn), but his influence becomes a central part of Rikichi's character (more on that later).

My general point being made, let's get into some more specific aspects of Doi's character. Since the mangaka mentions shugendou's relationship with ninjutsu, let's take a look at Doi's alter ego in The Strongest Tactician, Tenki, and his design ;

Tenki, scanned from The Strongest Tactician's limited pamphlet.

After Doi loses his memory and becomes Tenki, it's important to know he doesn't become an "evil" version of Doi or a new person altogether ; he's who Doi would have been had he not met the Yamadas. When Doi regains his memories at the end of the movie, the very first thing that comes back to him is a vision of the Yamada family. If Doi's work outfit is all black, as Tenki he's dressed all in white. It signifies a complete tabula rasa for his character and the development he went through since meeting the Yamada, back to a warrior in a blank state. But the white color and this specific headscarf is also reminiscent of yamabushi, mountain ascetics and practictioners of shugendou. The manga takes a shortcut by calling shugendou "mountain buddhism", it actually takes beliefs and practices from multiple sources such as Buddhism, Shinto, Taoism, and local folklore. Practices involve magic and fortune-telling which historically influenced daimyo's decisions during war, so there's no doubt that as Dokutake's tactician, Tenki, dressed as yamabushi with his background of having a religious education in the mountains, used such practices too to establish military tactics! The headscarf he wears is called houkan, literally a jeweled crown, and seems to hold multiple symbolisms. Overall, the white color of the yamabushi outfit expresses a symbolic death to be born anew, and the knotted crown around the head symbolizes afterbirth, placenta... I've seen others sources relating it to shimenawa, the purifying rope in Shinto you've probably seen in shrines, or around significant trees or stones.

The Strongest Tactician continues to tie Doi/Tenki with religion with two specific statues appearing at two points during the movie: when the sixth years are investigating Doi's disappearance, there's a shot of a statue on the roadside of Hayagriva, or Batou Kannon, the wrathful form of the compassionate female boddhisattva Avalokiteśvara. Similarly, in the room Tenki occupies at Dokutake, there's a statue of Daikokuten, a deity of good fortune and abundance in Japan, originally Mahākāla, a wrathful deity destroyer of all things.

Not related to religion, but another obvious motif of duality is in the moon, of course : at the end of Sonnamon and Doi's duel, Doi jumps into the river and what he thinks is the reflection of the moon in it (...It ends up being Happousai's bald head.), and this is when he loses his memory. The typical motif of a rabbit on the moon pounding mochi is replaced with a much more ominous rabbit grinding skulls into its mortar.

...Of course, it turns back to normal at the end of the movie.

I keep talking about how Doi actively chose to dedicate his life to peace and nurturing, and with all these symbols of duality, the movie manages to show us what it would have been like had Doi decided to remain a warrior. Tenki still dreams of peace and justice, and it's how Dokutake manages to manipulate him, but ultimately nothing good comes from participating in war. Had Tenki not been stopped in time (not by force like Zatto attempts, but ~by the power of love~ from Rankirishin), he would have committed the irreparable by murdering children, then not being able to revert back to his old self, and perpetuating the cycle of war and violence.

This is quite a simple pacifist message in a children franchise I think, but I find it interesting how it's delivered through different visuals!

The moon brings me to another thing The Strongest Tactician does a brilliant job portraying, and it's the passage of seasons.

The movie starts with a flashback scene and red spider lilies symbolizing splatter of blood. In Japanese, these flowers are called 彼岸花 higanbana, the higan part refers to the equinox week in March and September when Buddhist services are held and people visit the graves of family. The red spider lily, growing in September, is associated with the dead due to being planted in and around cemeteries.

Soon after, when Sonnamon and Doi are having their duel, it's in a field of susuki grass, associated with tsukimi, the moon-viewing celebrations held in September (that can be related to the Chinese Mid-Autumn festival). Later in the movie, more red spider lilies are seen blooming on the roadside, and people are busy with the harvest. The story is definitely set at the beginning of autumn. Interestingly, the second movie takes place after summer break. In this story, the villagers are in a hurry to get a protection decree probably because harvesting season is coming soon, and the pressure that the lord of Tasogaredoki is exercing on them is a mean to tax more crops from them in the upcoming harvest... Anyways, it's interesting that the third movie takes place soon after. The franchise is over 30 years old, but everything happens during the same school year! there's never a boring day in Ninjutsu Academy lol.

On a practical level, the beginning of autumn means that most people are too busy with harvesting crops to be conscripted at war (back then, most foot soldiers were hired farmers, etc), which explains why Tenki chooses to bluff an attack against Suppontake with the fake branch castle and all, since he had little troops to use.

But I want to focus on the seasons on a more symbolical level this time.

Ninmyu 12 tackles Doi's backstory and the complicated relationship he has with Nue, the ninja who kidnapped and raised him as a child. The canonicity of Ninmyu is discutable, so if one chooses to not take into account Doi's history with Nue and Kaentake ninja it's understandable, but I want to talk about Doi's solo song since Amako Soubee wrote it. It's called 半助春秋 Hansuke shunjuu, literally "Hansuke's Spring and Autumn", but expresses the idea of "the years of Hansuke", "Hansuke's life and times", something like this. I absolutely love this song, but it's a difficult one. I tried translating it and now that I look back at it I already see mistakes haha.. ha. Anyways, the lyrics are divided into two parts ; Doi first describes an dream-like spring scene which seemingly never happened, making it his own picture of peace itself. The figure of a young girl picks up flowers in a field, but that idyllic scene is cut short : "Had that warm spring day been longer," flowers would bloom, and all of nature would bear witness to Doi "returning home with you." The second part mirrors the first, but this time is more grounded into reality. On an autumn night, "remnants of a battle are buried in the overgrown ruins of a castle" ; it makes Doi reminisces the past. This time, the stars and the moon comfort Doi that "he will return home someday". There's that idea of high and low here, where everything dies in autumn and nights become longer with the upcoming winter. And of course, that recurring hopeful idea of "returning home" that is so so so dear to Nintama.

I want to relate this to The Strongest Tactician first, with Doi's symbolic death and rebirth in autumn, the spider-lilies, etc. During the climax of the movie, in an effort to make Doi-sensei remember, Rankirishin try to get a reaction out of him with lines such as "We haven't learned it yet!" "I value money over my life!" and such. But what finally makes Tenki go back to being Doi again is Kirimaru telling him through tears, "Let's go home together." That idea of home is dear to Kirimaru obviously, but it's something Doi has always longed for too. Doi and Kirimaru's back and forth of "let's go home / i'm home / welcome home" comes up repeatedly in the anime, and Ninmyu 12 as well. Did he not stay with the Yamada because he didn't want to impose, or does he wish to have a family of his own? I genuinely think that meeting Kirimaru made Doi more certain of what he wants to do with his life. After autumn comes winter, which is depicted in the movie through a visual of a young Kirimaru trying to keep warm wrapped in straw and taking shelter from the snow. A snowflake falls on his eye, and when you think that all hope is lost, Yuuki 100% starts playing and it cuts to him together with everyone at Ninjutsu Academy. If Doi didn't get to have springs, he'll give some to Kirimaru! The idea of Doi trying to preserve the little childhood Kirimaru has left and that he himself never got to have is so so so important to me lol. Happousai says "If I have Tenki cut these threes[Rankirishin], even if he were to remember who he is, he wouldn't be able to ever go back to Ninjutsu Academy." It goes back to my initial point that Doi is so central to everyone in Nintama ; with him gone, so is the alternative to war for a good chunk of the cast. It's something I talked about before, but another character who has a strong independent mindset regarding peace and ninjutsu is Isaku. The movie does a great job showing how important Doi is to Isaku as well, but his "health committee" philosophy seems to come from elsewhere...? I talked a little about it in my post about the second movie.

I'm not done with Hansuke's Spring and Autumn yet, I also want to relate it to another song Amako Soubee wrote, 利吉のテーマ Rikichi's theme. The two songs have very similar motifs, depicting nature and the idea of going home. But while in Hansuke's Spring and Autumn, nature is depicted as friendly and comforting, in Rikichi's theme it's a lot colder and distant. For Rikichi, he "has no need for stars" / "the moon is an enemy." For Doi, "the stars whisper / the moon reveals / that someday, I will come back home here" The wind "smiles" for Doi, while it just "makes sound" to Rikichi. In the end, Rikichi only finds comfort hiding in the darkness and turning his back to the dawn... But both songs end with hope among ruins, and both express the same wish to go home.

I talked about Doi being in a personal process of betterment, his relationship to Kirimaru and the influence they have on each other, but I believe it's important to address his relationship with Rikichi too. Little Rikichi showed Doi that he had it in him to teach and care for children, having innate pedagogy even Yamada lacks / lacked at the time?. Rikichi was taught ninjutsu and martial arts in his secluded home with high expectations from his parents that are ninja themselves. He barely got any childhood, the marriage situation of the Yamada is so messy it deserves its own post, so much that a picnic together and away from ninjutsu meant everything to little Rikichi... If there's one thing that characterizes Rikichi in my opinion it's loneliness that follows him into adulthood, and the tragedy of his character is that Doi showed him an alternative to the life he had always led thus far, only to leave soon after. Of course, Rikichi is younger, but I think he's mentally much more fragile than Doi is - again, The Strongest Tactician did an amazing job showing how much of an anchor Doi is to Rikichi, portraying both his anxiety and his relief brilliantly, I love how expressive he is in this. The most telling scene, that shocked a lot of people too lol, is of course when Tenki draws his sword at Rankirishin, Zatto is about to throw him a poisoned shuriken, and a desperate Rikichi grabs his wrist to stop him. First, poison is dripping from that shuriken, so Zatto is wearing a leather glove to protect himself, but Rikichi grabs him without hesitation. Second, and most of all, in the spur of the moment, Rikichi clearly made his choice between Doi-sensei and the children..... It's tragic how Doi has no responsibility to Rikichi in the end, beyond showing gratitude to his parents for saving him. Realistically, had he stayed at the Yamada household, it might have done Rikichi a lot of good growing up, but it would have put Doi in a very uncomfortable position, stuck in the middle of a very shaky and bizarre marriage. Back then, Doi probably didn't picture himself as a teacher, or caring for kids at all, so it makes me wonder how he would tackle little Rikichi's situation had it happened in present time. Would he feel more involved? Could he have "saved" little Rikichi? I have no doubt Doi sympathized with Rikichi's loneliness back then, but did he grasp the extent of it?... What is sure is that while it's certain Doi has a strong influence on Rikichi, Rikichi is also extremely important to Doi. I said it before, but the very first thing Doi remembers when he regains his memories is little Rikichi, after all. I don't want to diminish the bond between Doi and the Yamada at all ; the third movie makes a point of showing Denzou's concern and affection for Hansuke, that he named himself, making him a son of sort. The Yamadas are home to Doi, and even if he wishes for independence and maybe even a family of his own, time spent with the Yamadas and Kirimaru might be far from what he envisions in Hansuke's Spring and Autumn, but it works perfectly as a picture of peace, doesn't it?

Anyways, all that to say that despite the bleak implications of its setting, Nintama manages to remain so cheerful and hopeful in great part thanks to Doi. He grew both as a character and as a person throughout the story, pays for past mistakes and actively tries to do good in the present, symbolizing peace in time of war. Isn't it interesting that what causes his "defeat" against Sonnamon is him trying to protect a bird and its nest? Again, it's quite the simple message, but I'm so charmed by how it's delivered through his influence on the rest of the cast, and how he's portrayed especially in The Strongest Tactician. Doi is also a great bridge between the children and adult audience of Nintama, families watching together of course but in general, him being a reminder of the responsibility we have as adults towards children moves me a lot personally...

That was quite the long rambling.. ahhh.. I love Doi-sensei.

#op #meta #long long lonnnnngggg rambling i love doi.#nintama #nintama rantarou #this almost ended up a Peek Into Rikichis Brain Post also #but i refrained.#movie spoilers

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a-hermit-pining · 21 days ago

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A World Unmade

AN: This is my writing experiment because I yearn for LOTR feels. Also please do let me know if having 2 different reader and LI timelines in one story is confusing and not doing it.

Pairing: Zayne x fem reader, Caleb x gn reader (more in future chapters)

Genre: fantasy

Ingredients: oh boy, this can't be broken down but there is happy ending because Tolkien 🤝

Summary: Worlds come undone at the slightest shift. A breath held too long. A promise broken in silence. A name whispered when it should have been forgotten. Some are driven to madness by grief. Others are shackled by oaths, long forsaken, made to gods who no longer speak… but still remember.

And yet, there is beauty where once there reigned only tears. In ruin, something begins to bloom. In sorrow, the faint pulse of hope endures. Even broken things remember how to shine.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

(I do not own any of these characters)

Second Age, Year of 735

I have not uttered your name in a century. Not even in the sweet dreams that turn to nightmares upon waking have I allowed myself to call upon you.

I am afraid, terrified, of unleashing whatever your absence left inside me.

I fear just the taste of your name on my lips might undo the very seams of my being. That breaking might drive our son into a grief he has only just begun to escape.

Raul deserves one parent, at the very least. You would have wanted me to stay with him. To watch him grow. To be someone who could tell him, truthfully, that he was loved by you, more than life itself.

I have softened my edges. I laugh to please him. I smile so our son sees only joy. He has carried enough sorrow for a lifetime.

The tower flourishes. Strangers from distant lands arrive bearing news. Apprentices come with every passing decade, and all this pleases Raul.

He is of your like. Bright, wild, blooming in the lively halls of our home. Yet, his heart lies where yours once did: out there, in the wide world, chasing adventure.

I hold onto him in paranoia. Your absence has taken all my courage from me. It has left me vulnerable, and too raw to face the world alone.

How do I let go of him? How do I endure another day without a pair of eyes, so painfully like yours, staring back at me from across the dining table?

They say, you await me, in timeless halls, that our souls, bound by our vows will find each other. I hope they are correct.

Do not condemn me, for not saying your name out loud, do not forget me and leave before I come to you.

Yours forever,

Zayne

Second Age, Year of 958

He is gone. Raul is gone. He is GONE.

No note. No goodbye. No time to stop him...no breath to beg.

The tower is quiet. Too quiet. Walls echo with his absence. His chair is still pulled out from breakfast. He didn’t finish his tea. He left his coat. He left me.

He left me.

He left, for what?

For what? A quest? A vision? A delusion whispered by a mortal too far gone to name? A fool’s errand sewn together by madness and hope and old, rotted legends?

No victory waits for him. No truth. Just dust. Just death.

And I—I—I did this. I wrapped him in caution like chains. I caged him with love laced in fear. I buried your memory so deep, he had to dig through my silence to find your name.

He thinks I do not feel. He thinks I have no fire left. But I burn...I burn, gods, I burn—

I should have told him everything. Should have told him what your death did to me. What I became in your shadow. What I lost, who I lost, how I—

I see you. In every room now. I hear your footsteps in the corridor. I speak to you like you are here, and sometimes I believe you are. Maybe I’ve gone mad. Maybe I was always meant to.

If you walk in the halls beyond time. If your soul still remembers me, bring him home.

I have no spells left. No prayers. Only my hands, shaking. Only my mouth, screaming your name as the last of my repentance.

Come back, Raul.

Please. Please. Please—

Age of Dawn, Year of 26

Caleb stares down at the now-silent valley.

Corpses litter the field, cooling beneath the open sky. His sword is buried in one of them, slick with drying blood.

His breath comes ragged. Someone had managed to slash his side. It isn't deep, but it lingers. Enough to keep him tethered to his body. Enough to make him feel, every fragment of pain he tries to shut out.

“Slaughter,” he had been commanded. And he bowed to the voice.

His wielder.

What was he, if not a weapon? It was his fate, to be bathed in blood, to answer only to the hand that held him.

Such was the way of his kind: blades forged from clipped souls, bound to serve, not to think.

So the cries of the valley, the stillness of death, the fluttering of a child’s shawl caught on a broken spear, none of it moved his heart.

His gut did not turn. His wrath did not tremble. He was made for this.

And soon, as always, he expected his wielder to return him to the scabbard. To end his thoughts. To take away this awareness, this awful clarity that clung like blood under fingernails.

But the call does not come.

Days pass. He stands, alone, in the blood-soaked field. Waiting.

The sun rises and sets and rises again. The flies come. The rot. The weight of his own body. He waits for the voice, any voice, to summon him.

It never does.

Not until he collapses. Not until his knees buckle and the world vanishes beneath him.

And then—

Warmth. A bed. Clean cloth against his cheek.

And a voice that is not his master’s.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” your face leans over him. Curious, awed and, impossibly human.

Caleb blinks, too weak to move, too dazed to speak.

But the first thing he thinks isn’t Where am I?

It’s: Why didn’t he call me back?

#love and deepspace #zayne x reader #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace caleb #caleb x reader #ocs #lotr au #fantasy #angst #grief #redemption arcs #more LIs to come #different timelines #multi chap fic

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animatorweirdo · 5 months ago

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Falling in Love Tilion/You

Requested by @laisrinel

Hi !

I saw you are still taking requests 👀

Would you agree to write something with Tilion ? Something like a character or reader meeting with him during one night. It can be anything, just some Tilion exposure.

Thanks in advance !

(Author's note: Well, I wrote another falling in love analysis with Tilion)

Warnings: Melkor being a warning himself, mentions of being corrupted, mentions of the kinslaying, angst, your mortality as a human, but Tilion being a pretty sweet lover.

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- Tilion gives me the impression that he would be curious, a free-spirited, but a caring and affectionate type of lover. Tilion holds great love for those he cares about but can sometimes be reckless about it.

- Guarding and guiding the moon could occasionally bring him loneliness, so he might make stops in the sky and visit the lands below. Due to his former nature as one of Orome's hunters, he might seek curiosities or company of large crowds in leisurely places like the taverns or hunter's parties. He might also get to mischief if he feels bored, especially toward the creatures of the dark.

- He might appreciate someone kind, yet curious. He might also hold great respect for someone brave and willing to do the right thing despite the odds as the light of the moon lights the night sky but does not keep away the dark creatures like the sun, forcing him to defend it on his own.

- Because of Morgoth, he doesn't appreciate someone cruel and who would willingly take advantage of others. He would withhold the moonlight from them if he saw them trying to exploit it, letting them be unguided in darkness.

- He also gives the impression that he would accept you regardless of your race.

- If you were a maiar, the chances are that you have known each other before he became the guardian of the moon.

- If you served under the same valar, Orome, you would often wander and hunt together. You might share the same appreciation for the silver tree and would not mind Tilion’s adventurous nature.

- If you served a different valar, Tilion would often come to visit you and encourage you to go on adventures together. He would respect your boundaries if you preferred to stay near your valar’s domain and bring you interesting things he found on his travels.

- When he became the moon’s guardian, you would rarely see each other. The distance would sadden you, but whenever it was time for the moon to rest, you would see each other again and Tilion would share news about the world, especially if you did not leave Valinor.

- However, if you travel outside of Valinor, Tilion would look out for you during the night especially if you fight Morgoth and his darkness. You would sing to each other as a way to communicate and appreciate the moments together whenever Tilion decides to come down. This would give birth to many stories of you and Tilion wherever you happened to be seen together by the children of Eru.

- If you were tempted by Morgoth and joined him, Tilion would feel saddened and betrayed. He would have a hard time accepting your reason to join Morgoth and grow even more resentful toward the fallen valar. He would sometimes search for you on the land, and if you did not repent and stayed in the dark, he would mourn for your fate and eventually leave you out of his mind.

- However, if he saw how you wished to repent and sought to return to the light, he would feel happy and help you if Morgoth tried to prevent you. He would also ask the Valars to give you a chance and stay by you whatever your punishment might be.

- If you were an elf, he would find you curious. He might have some knowledge of how the courting among elves worked, taken he had interacted with the elves of Orome’s hunting parties, so he would not hesitate to approach you.

- He might not even notice the feelings he would catch for you, but when he does, he would first seek and learn appropriate ways before confessing. He might get excited and become eager to achieve when he sets his eyes on something, but he still respects boundaries and does not want to come out that he might scare you away.

- It would not matter to him which elven clan you belonged to as he valued personality over such things.

- If you were a Noldor, he would be curious to learn from you as your people were known to be great craftsmen and passionate. During the darkening, his affection for you would shake if you followed Feanor and participated in kinslaying, he would be sad by the event and it would take a long time for him to even look at you again. If you did not join the kinslaying but followed your people out of loyalty, he would respect it and feel sad because you would also suffer the doom of Mandos. During your time in Middle Earth, he would look down and subtly look out for you when things get rough.

- if you were a Teleri, he would find thrill and joy in your people's outgoing nature and love for sea travel. He might even join you if you were especially adventurous when it comes to the ocean. During the darkening and kinslaying, he would be there to comfort and protect you and your family. If you survived, and have been left heavily traumatized, Tilion might not know how to comfort you through your grief but he would try. He would even hesitate to become the moon's guardian which meant leaving you in your hardest time, so he would always come to you whenever he could. If you died during the attack, he would grieve and feel resentment toward the Noldor.

- If you were a Vanyar, he would find you interesting as you would most likely remind him of the golden tree Laurelin and his beloved friend Arien. However, he would adore you regardless and you might bring out the mischievousness of him.

- If you were a Sindar, Tilion would find you curious as he would have less knowledge about your people. He would find beauty in your home and respect your determined yet loving nature, especially if you shared your love for him and the stars.

- If you were human, he would find your race incredibly curious. You might have crossed paths when he was down and did something that piqued his interest. Humans are much more different from elves, so he would be both amazed and excited to learn more. If you shared a love for the stars and found comfort in the moon, he would be even more delighted.

- He would be saddened to realize that you would not live as long as he does and would eventually leave the world behind, but he would accept it. All living beings have their own life cycles, and death is a natural part of yours. He would cherish the time he still had with you and would not allow any of it to be wasted until it was your time to travel to the unknown.

- Or perhaps, in some twist of fate, you become immortal for him, giving away your gift of dying. Tilion would feel joy to have you by his side, but would treat you gently as immortality was not something that came naturally for humans and that it was not a choice anyone should make out of a whim. However, if you assured him that you were certain of your choice and that you wished to stay with him, then he would cherish you for eternity.

- Tilion also gives the impression that he and Arien share a great friendship. Perhaps during moments when they are both in the sky or during an eclipse, he would speak fondly of you, and Arien would be happy for him. She might even keep an eye out for you during the day and share the news with Tilion if something happens.

-But not matter the scenario. Tilion would be a loyal and affectionate lover. Like a loving touch of moonlight and a comforting presence as you can always trust the moon to show you light in the darkest nights.

#silmarillion x reader #silmarillion #middle earth x reader #silmarillion imagines #silmarillion fanfiction #tolkien #tilion #tilion x reader #x elf reader #x maiar reader #x human reader #silmarillion headcanons #middle earth headcanons #tilion headcanons #tilion imagines

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harukasangel · 4 months ago

Text

*yoinking ideas for reddit, yet again*

Call this a part two to my analysis on my main blog (no, I will not link it, cause my macbook is already heating up)

Ya'll just ever think about how Haruka doesn't necessarily need Muu and is even semi-aware of it?

"The prisoners are all so kind...and they give me attention"

What separates Muu, in specific from the other "all so kind" prisoners?

Muu makes an effort and puts in energy to care for him like a mom. I highly doubt the other prisoners pick out his clothes, (implied) teaches him to write better, brings him food (that's a whole another can of worms though...), spend as much time with him as Muu does

Oh wait...

Now.....who is it that starts the most birthday timelines? Who was it that said their hobby was talking with the other prisoners? Who was it that said, at the beginning, it was Yuno and Mahiru that spent the most time with him (aka, two other ppl BESIDES Muu)?

Haruka fucking Sakurai

Haruka has gotten better at speaking to people, and it shows. He actively makes an effort to have more friends, besides Muu, with his new conversation skills (it's literally stated in his character profile the more you speak to him, the more he talks as well, and his kindness and gentle nature shows)

But he said, in particular, Muu pays attention to him. But hey? Did you notice something....peculiar?

Don't even pay attention to their conversation, just the dialogue in general. How is Haruka acting?

Haruka when with Muu: Shy, anxious, but pretty normal

vs Haruka in his voice dramas:

That's a....pretty big leap in his usual shy and anxious nature towards her.....if Haruka was as worshipping towards Muu as he was in his VD, it would definitely show in the timelines

Muu: "Haruka-kun will listen to anything I say~"

Haruka: "Muu-san was my real mother all along"

My mom towards me:

"Please listen to me, I only want the best for you. A mother is there to give you advice in times of high stress to help you become great. Greater than your parents. Whatever I say is for your own good and I only have the intentions to help you grow and learn,"

It's not so far fetched for Haruka to take 'his mom's' words to heart. After all, he has to be a good boy for her

Es: "Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Muu wants from him…?"

Pretty self explanatory. Haruka uses Muu as a mother figure due to years of his real one neglecting and abusing him. Haruka doesn't see Muu beyond that point, but is still determined to make the best of this 'second chance' he's given with "new mama"

His death was never for repentance, guilt, or anything for his own feelings/sake

Haruka in Kotoko's birthday 2023 timeline

"Ah, no. It's not like that. This isn't for me...it's too protect...so please...."

Haruka in his own 2024 birthday timeline

"I'm just thinking....how to fulfill my promise....for Muu-san's sake...."

His own fucking interrogation question

"How many years do you want to live?" "I never thought about it...but I don't want to die..."

It's solely about being a good boy to mama until the very end

Muu=Mom in Haruka's eyes. If you asked me, I love *both* my friends and mother. But if I had to choose one over the other, obviously the person that cared and raised me into the person I am today

"Uhhhhhh, hey OP, this is great and all, but from what I'm seeing, it's clear that Haruka needs Muu, since he literally committed the big sleep for her sake...."

Haruka, I love my oshi, but let's face the facts: he's fucking insane. Yeah, he committed sewercide for his mother, but in his own fucked up way, it was nothing more than just fulfilling a promise to his mother. If Haruka isn't alive, he can't protect Muu in the future, it doesn't change her guilty verdict, and it basically has....zero impact. In Jacaklope's words, he *is* a big idiot for thinking it would do something, but in his eyes, he was just giving his last bit of use to mom

.......The mom who didn't even receive Haruka's last memorable words. That honor went to Fuuta. Iirc, Haruka never once thanked Muu for being kind to him. Rather....his last ever timeline was him thanking Fuuta for being kind to him......

He knows he's being used......

Ya'll just ever think that Haruka is self-aware that Muu, his 'own mother', even has her own flaws? But she's still 'his mother', so he still loves her?

Mu: "You shouldn't look that way when you're with me, Haruka-kun"

Haruka: "Ah, I'm sorry...."

Muu's glitched line

"Hey.....HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!"

"There's other people here who are interested in me"

Haruka is aware there's other people, besides Muu, that pay attention to him. There's theories on reddit that Haruka getting attached to one of the prisoners was always inevitable, and I agree. It's like saying Fuuta, Shidou, Mahiru (who I honestly think was the one he would've been calling mom if Muu was guilty T1), Kazui, Mikoto, etc. doesn't exist and they're not nice and pay attention to him

TDLR: I always thought that Haruka never really needed Muu, and he was at least, semi-aware of it. He has other people to fall back on and he knows it. He also knows that Muu isn't necessarily the 'best' person in Milgram. It's just that Muu is his mom, therefore he wants to be good especially for her. But it's rather that Muu needs Haruka to feel like he needs her, hence why she doesn't even have any other friends in Milgram. If Muu was guilty in T1, I doubt her character would've been wasted, but she necessarily doesn't need a codependency with anyone to still be interesting

So....my question from the beginning: Ya'll just ever think about how Haruka doesn't necessarily need Muu and is even semi-aware of it?

........yeah, me too.....

#💧💙 - haruka #haruka sakurai #muu kusunoki #0104 #did my word vomit make sense?#hope it did cause I need to now leave for work in #*checks watch* 20 minutes #*runs*#milgram

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everestgale · 5 months ago

Note

Spectre from STP

With pleasure :]

[Send Me a Character and I'll List Ask Game]

favorite thing about them

Her contrast, the different facets of her personality that make her, well, her. She is kind, cheery, and understanding, but she is also firm, can be threatening, and takes absolutely 0 of our bullshit. And the best part is that all of these make perfect sense - she is kind because she is hopeful you'll repent and help her leave (and perhaps because your perception skews more positive of her, after learning of what the Narrator puts you through as a "reward"), but she also never lets you forget that you still killed her in cold blood.

least favorite thing about them

This will probably be true for most StP characters, I can't think of any specific that I dislike about pretty much all of them. So most of the time, if it's going to be anything, it'll be something very minor and silly - in this case, it's Spectre's tattered skirt on her dress (it's hard to draw, that's literally it)

favorite line

"All I know is there's a hole in my chest, and not the big obvious one that you put there. There's something older and deeper. A nagging reminder that I'm not where I'm supposed to be."

...honorable mention goes to: "But if you're just leaving me then... then I'm really just going to be stuck here forever. Th-there's nothing I can do, it's just going to go on and on and on and on, lonely and sad and hurting and empty."

brOTP

I like to imagine a close friendship between Nightmare and Spectre! No particular reason (besides them being a shared pair routes), but there is something fun about them hanging out and chatting while drinking some nice tea :]

OTP

Definitely SpectreCold! There is just something really beautiful about how much they contrast each other and yet, ultimately, both yearn for similar things, it's just all feelings, connection, longing. I started really, really liking them after this post by @/wintergrofyuri. Go read it! They explain my own feelings on this ship way better than I ever could (T v T)

nOTP

Don't think I really have those for her <3 Or honestly, in general, I have very few nOTPs :]

random headcanon

I kind of mentioned it in the first question, but I think that part of the reason why she's so kind and understanding is because your / TLQ's perception of her changes as a result of the Narrator trying to shove you into the Good Ending™. Up until that point, you follow the Narrator without question and so when he essentially betrays you... you begin to see him as the "villain" of this story. And since you didn't have much of a chance to really get to know the princess before you killed her... I'd like to think that this shift in perspective also contributes to Spectre's cheery and hopeful attitude :]

unpopular opinion

I don't think it's all that unpopular, but we need more sassy and threatening Spectre <3 This is a self-callout more than anything because I'm very guilty of drawing and writing her as too kind and sweet ^^;;;

song i associate with them

"earth child's lullaby" by TOFIE fits quite nicely :]

"Close your eyes Breathe the night Come home, return Be held by the earth, now"

favorite picture of them

Look at her! She is so pretty :]

#ask #slay the princess #eg chatting #stp the spectre #stp headcanons

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v-67 · 1 month ago

Text

Vinland Saga is a quiet poetry.

A tragic one, wrapped in a beautiful bouquet, with blood shed all over the flowers.

The flowers wilt over time. But no one cares about that. The blood over them is the only focus. Call it tainted, or honor, it's subjective.

The blood though, is the only thing seen.

A bloody bouquet of wilting flowers.

A tragedy wrapped in melancholy.

Vinland Saga has left me with no words.

The way this story is written, the way everything is shown. From the perceptions of different people

It's absolutely amazing.

The war, the warmongers, the people being made to seek war as children, the honor, the anger, the wrath, the realisation, the horror, the injustice, the bloodshed, the politics, the dead, the dead, the dead, the blood, the people, the children, the slavery, the bloodshed, the injustice. The injustice.

I'm at episode 17

Yet to complete watching it

But the story of gardar was too much for me to not write anything about it.

The story of gardar. The man, i really truly admire. And respect. A little bit.

He realised his wrongs, he killed, yes, which was also wrong. But in order to seek his freedom, he killed, he burned away everything, and he came for his wife and his child.

Blinded by the things he had lost, he had come back to them. To want the life they had in the past, he had come, all bloody, hands tainted, he had come.

The way he just never gave up, and if anyone dare put a hand or say a word to Arnheid, the way he just stood up. The way he literally just stood up.

A love that wants to protect, even if death grazes your hand.

The man, and his story, and his realisation and perception, the way it's delivered.

I have no words.

I'm in awe of how much shook I am.

I can't smile, my lips form a certain melancholy that seems to just not pass by as easily.

The feeling of having watched it lingers.

The lingering feelings are important.

They impact you.

And I'm grateful for such a piece of work that has impacted me. That has made me sit, and feel.

For people wanting war so much.

I wish they would just watch Vinland Saga.

Maybe they'll understand atleast somewhat the weight of that word they throw around so easily.

The last time I felt a show was so brilliantly written, in the sense of perception, connection and story was when I had watched Attack on Titan.

I didn't agree with the end of AOT for personal reasons, I really had wanted to know what Eren's definition of freedom was.

However, Aot was the show that made me feel like it's written absolutely brilliantly, every character and scene was thought out thoroughly. Every piece of it was brilliant. If you would re-watch it, you would still end up finding something new.

That's how I feel for this show as well.

It's written in such a profound sense.

Starting from Thors, to showing us how Thorfinn lived.

Perspective of thorfinn in anger, and agony.

Perspective of Askeladd.

Askeladd's honor and his own story.

His mind. His actions against king sweyn.

Askeladd's relation to Thorfinn, how Thorfinn perceived him.

How Thorfinn really really perceived him.

Canute, Canute talking to the decapitated head of king sweyn.

Canute poisoning his own brother who was kind to him.

The crown, the weight and the curse of such.

Thorkell and his craving for war.

Valhalla, the concept of it. The definition of living world in the nightmare Thorfinn had.

Perspective of Einar, Einar's perception of Thorfinn, Einar's friendship with Thorfinn.

The connections of slavery, discrimination.

Thorfinn and his view of the new world, Thorfinn and his repentance, his way of finally understanding his father's words.

"No one is your enemy. You have no enemies. No one has any enemies...."

And the words

A true warrior does not need a sword.

I hold them to my heart, but these words are so difficult to weild.

These words, are so difficult to weild.

Vinland Saga, is a poetry.

A tragedy wrapped in a bouquet of flowers.

The blood has dried up.

Yet, the wilting flowers will never be free of it.

The flowers, will never be free of it.

Call it honor, call it tainted.

They'll never be free of it.

The bouquet of flowers

With blood splashed on it.

Dries up.

And wilts away.

Stories that wrap your soul in melancholy, the kind that makes you sit and contemplate, Vinland Saga is quite like that.

....

I've completed watching the whole show

And all I can say is

It's so brilliantly written

I'm in awe.

I couldn't take my eyes off the whole time

Not once i felt like

I'll watch it later

The way of showing all points of view. The way it has humor and war and wisdom and every miniscule thing.

Sheesh.

Loved the show.

It's brilliant.

Special mentions

Roald, son of grim🥺🤌🤌🤌

Gardar🥺🤌🤌🤌

Thors🥺🥺🥺🤌🤌🤌🤌

Wulf because THAT WAS CRAZY LOYALTY, you eye has been gouged out and yet you persist, fuckkkk.

Leif san for keeping his vow

Pater san because 🌻

The old master of the house, swerkel san🌻

I know the show was all about not choosing war, but choosing peace. To not weild arms, but rather okay a game of chess or something to decide on decisions and not easily throw blood everywhere, but a part of me really wished Floki to meet an end. Not death but rather atleast an understanding of some sense.

Canute and the way he speaks to the decapitated head of the king sweyn, it's one of the most brilliant portrayal throughout.

Canute, choosing to save the Vikings.

That laughter at the end.

That scene. I was i n v e s t e d. Hardcore invested. Because woah dude.

There are a lot many names I wish to write.

And a lot of stuff I wish to speak of.

But for now

I'll write as much as I can remember.

But from the depth of my hearts, I wish all of the characters warmth.

And this show has my respect.

Brilliant. Brilliant show.

Thorfinn.

Einaar.

Arnheid (heartbreaking. History.)

Gardar (I know i mentioned him above, but I wanted to still mention him here, next to Arnheid)

Askeladd.

Bjorn.

Thorkell

Anne. (That scene was gruesome. And yet one of my most favourites because it was so poetic and so beautifully portrayed. The girl who steals something and then wonders if she will go to hell)

Ragnar (helicopter mom)

Helga (honestly, the last part where she just looks at Thorfinn and recognizes him, and all of that stuff. It just makes me realise that in front of moms, this vulnerability comes up, and it's just really sweet and beautiful. To cry your heart out, to lay it down bare. And to know it won't be trampled upon.)

....

Somehow, it also feels like a paradox to Aot.

One created war knowing the future. Not war, rather it was genocide.

One wanted to save the world.

Well, situations were ofcourse different.

Somehow.

But it still feels like a paradox to Aot.

The bouquet of flowers that had blood on them, someone finally saw them.

The flowers were wilting.

Someone finally saw them.

The honor or disdain of the blood needed no categorisation.

The person who saw the flowers, remarked to themselves, of how they didn't deserve to be tainted.

....

I wonder. In the end. Did he find the Vinland.

Did he make it.

Did he choose to make iceland the Vinland.

The country far away from slave traders and flames of war.

I wonder, if he finally reached it.

I wonder, If he finally made it.

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snowblack-charcoalwhite · 11 months ago

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The way Condal, Hess and co write certain characters, especially Alicent, just makes them look like some kind of aliens who cannot comprehend the core of human nature and familial bonds (motherly love, sibling dynamic...) . I mean, fine, maybe they aren't parents honestly have no idea about their private lives nor do I want to know ), but that still doesn't justify the atrocious manner in which they have been portraying Alicent's relationship with her children. And I dislike the explanations that come from one part of the fandom (she married against her will, never wanted those children, never felt freedom...) I mean, I don't deny these, but they are not enough to explain or justify her weird (and sudden imo) detachment and dare i say, borderline hatred of her sons. Not to mention that this was the life of westerosi women, basically every one of them. Also, Ryan talked how Alicent and Viserys had "a loving marriage, just weren't in love " and generally holds Viserys in high regard, so he obviously doesn't see him as Alicent's abuser or anything. That's why i cannot understand what is the point of showing her so disgusted by her children and incapable of showing them love. Otto's influence? Maybe, but still not the greatest explanation. And she seems even harsher and distant to her sons this season than Otto ever was to her. She doesn't seem broken over Jaehaerys, she doesn't seem overly upset over Aegon (he's burned alive and is dying ffs and she won't shed a tear), Aemond is apparently an ireedemeable monster in her eyes fur some reason, even before RR... It's so frustrating that there are people who eat it all up and justify it as a genius and subtle storytelling with a lot of details that we "the whiners" refuse or are unable to grasp. Idk, I really liked her in s1 and although she was a bit inconsistent in ep 8 and 9 I hoped it would be retconed. Unfortunately, this season I'm watching a character I don't recognise anymore. And the worst thing is that she doesn't suffer from a lack of screentime like Aemond or Helaena do. Almost everything on tg revolves around her and yet I still have no idea what is her goal or who she is anymore.

Sorry for the rant.

Hello!

I could not agree with you more. Not sure if some kind of personal/family circumstances of HotD writers played a role in them fumbling the Greens family dynamic so badly but I am convinced that their "women good men bad" narrative policy did.

In "Driftmark" Alicent orders for Luke's eye to be cut out (and immediately, in public) - and then attacks Luke and Rhaenyra herself. But a few minutes (in show time) later she repents - and after that, apparently, she is all for "violence is reserved for men" agenda. That's where her disdain for Aemond (in whose name she was about to commit a public act of violence herself) is supposed to come from, I think. It doesn't even feel like she is horrified precisely by the fact that he might have almost killed (deliberately at that) his own brother. Lack of consistency and logic? Yes. Obliviousness at best, hypocrisy at worst (from Alicent, I mean)? Yes. But who cares, right? Alicent does not support the evil deeds of men - and that's what matters.

And her treatment of Aegon looks even more moronic. Girl, you put him on the throne against his will! After her meeting with Rhaenyra she knows it was a result of a misunderstanding (the favourite trick of this show, dammit - but it is a topic for a whole another conversation) but how is Aegon to blame for it?

I can relate to Alicent growing tired of being used and manipulated - but IMO (I agree with you here as well) this is not a good enough excuse for her to fully go into the "fuck yourselves, the lot of you" mode. But for the writers it is, at least it looks like it. They were trying to sell us the bullying of Aemond by Aegon (combined with the former's desire for power) being a sufficient motivation for Aemond to get rid of his brother (during the civil war where they are supposed to be on the same side no less) - and now they are trying to justify whatever Alicent does with her being a child bride and so on and so forth. I have no love for Viserys (or sympathy for Otto - where it comes to him pimping his teenage daughter out to the king) - but turning Alicent into this and expecting everyone to eat it up? Come on. Even some casual viewers are going "WTF" watching Alicent's scenes with her children, never mind those who are familiar with Fire and Blood.

And double yes to the point about the show very heavily focusing on Alicent to the detriment of many other characters (Aemond first of all). It feels like the writers believe that all that audience is supposed to know about Aemond now is that he is a bad guy - and they give him just enough screen time to show that. Meanwhile Alicent has loads of it - just so we could get a really good, really long look at her face and understand just how bad patriarchy failed her.

So, as I see it Alicent is now no more than a means to the end of hammering home the main idea of the show. How does she do that and what happens to her character in the process is unimportant - at least, to the writers and showrunners.

Sorry for the rant as well🙈

#asks #hotd #hotd season 2 #anti hotd #hotd critical #alicent hightower

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true-blue-sonic · 3 months ago

Note

Would you tell us more about Run To You? :3

Gladly! :> I've been wrangling chapters left and right, the layout has been changing endlessly... but when something works, it works. Once I've perfected the idea of how things should go, I don't need to change it so radically, because it's just right! And it is very nice to realise that slowly but surely, the pieces are falling into place and I'm shaping up what I want to write towards more and more🍀 As for when I want to publish it, I don't know; I'm avoiding the first two chapters, which aren't yet finished at all, like the plague. But I do want it to be soon, to be honest! I'll be graduating in like a month, I hope, and I really want to take the time to focus on a fic and get a ball rolling!! Something to keep me going through the agony of job hunting, because I work best when I am procrastinating on something else XD

As for a snippet: I resolved a big struggle which was also a plot hole through Silver's honesty, and I found it honestly a pretty neat idea of myself. I'll put it under a read more, because it's quite long ^-^ But I'm proud of it, because it made a really nice and in-character solution to a problem I had, I feel like!

☆☆☆☆☆

Green eyes twinkled mischievously as Silver sent them a dry look back. But Sonic’s smile was warm still, his hands digging onto the grass as he leaned backwards. “Then I won’t pry. What about GUN?”

“The army? Certainly. They’re on the news sometimes, with a lot of propaganda about how they’re keeping us safe and stuff. They’re doing a really bad job at it, though.”

That earned Silver a laugh. A full laugh, Sonic’s head tipping backwards and his eyes shutting. Silver couldn’t tear his gaze away from it: people didn’t laugh at what he said, usually, or at least not in a way that looked like they thought it was… funny?

But not bad funny.

“That sounds just like the past,” Sonic winked at him.

“Yeah, well… I guess. They’re… working on it, but not very well. They’ve never managed to capture that man in full.” Which promptly made Silver grouse, his eyes narrowing. How idiotic could GUN be, letting Eggman Nega escape even after Silver handed them the card that evil scientist was trapped in for safekeeping? At the very least they’d helped him go to the past again to chase after him anew. It was little to repent for their stupidity, but they also could not have helped, and the world would have been overrun by the Ifrit then.

Which did make him wonder… “GUN used to have two Emeralds, actually. But they don’t anymore,” the psychic mused.

An inquiring look got sent his way at that. “How do you know?”

“It’s because of those two Emeralds that I travelled to the past the second time- the first time was on Onyx Island. But the second time, Eggman Nega was already gone and things were a lot in disarray, so GUN found two Emeralds and used them with me for Chaos Control.”

“Yes, but why did they lose them?”

“Oh! I asked them what they were going to do with the Emeralds after sending me to the past, and they said they’d send them on their way too. Swore it, even.”

Sonic’s lips twitched again. “And did they do that?”

“Yes, of course! They promised it.”

“Because I don’t think any promise made by the army can be counted on to be followed.”

“But they said they were going to do it,” Silver insisted.

“Did you see them do it?”

“No. I had already jumped in the portal.”

“And did they reach out to you afterwards about it?”

“…No. But-!”

“GUN is not a group that’ll follow their word if that is less convenient for them, Silver,” Sonic gently spoke up. “I’ll betcha those Emeralds are both safely tucked away in their headquarters, for them to use again whenever they see fit.”

With a grumble Silver crossed his arms. “I hope not for their sake, because you don’t want to know the things I’ll do to them when I found out they lied.”

“You know,” Sonic grinned, “I think I’ll be seeing that with my own eyes really soon.”

His hand got extended to Silver again.

Curiously Silver regarded it. “In what way?”

“Because we’re going base-hunting. This sounds like our best lead to look into,” got winked at him, Sonic’s fingers splaying as he stretched them out a bit more. With a frown Silver studied his own hand, mind whirring… But yes, he did have to agree with Sonic that the people he’d been talking to had been rather disingenuous about the fate of the Emeralds.

In one fell swoop, their hands clasped, and Silver’s brow furrowed into the most focused of frowns as he shot Sonic a nod.

“Let’s go.”

#thanks for the ask ^-^

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ladysternchen · 7 months ago

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The Self-Destruction of Elu Thingol

I'm not going to do anything else this meta week but write about my fave, sorry. (Like really sorry, I'm always scared I'm boring everyone to death with always talking about the same things).

But today's a short and very sketchy one, but I feel I need to say it anyway. Even if it is kind of apparent and nothing new.

I HATE how Tolkien left Elu Thingol alive after the wolf-hunt. Like WHY? I mean, the Tale of Beren and Lúthien has a few issues (first and foremost, it totally contradicts the Laws and Customs. Beren and Lúthien would only have needed to fuck in the woods and they'd have been wed nice and proper, with nothing anyone could have done about it. The whole Silmaril-as-brideprice-idiocy need never have happened. But then, we wouldn't have had a story), but this is what so bothers me. Like, this is Tolkien being cruel. but he is that to most of his Silm-characters, so I can't really complain. But... BUT! 😩

Like why let Beren give his life to save an elf, only to torture that elf? Like yeah, I know about Lúthien's famous 'coming back from the dead', but really? Why couldn't Elu die instead of Beren, pay his dept, and later be re-embodied in Valinor? And Beren could have lived out his life with Lúthien just as unbothered by what's going on around them, and if that accursed choice of the Half-even REALLY needed to be, then Lúthien could still have begged to be allowed to follow her husband at the end of his natural life.

Why why why why? Only so that Elu can rue his mistakes, and learn from them, only to lose another child and then die the most undignified death ever.

But I digress a little.

Still I feel that it is fair to say that Elu was never right again after Lúthien's death. He fell into deep depression when she and Beren died, yes, but the real, true blow came when she came back to life mortal. She 'healed' him, and yet took away all hope.

And no, neither he nor Melian were being over-dramatic. Child-loss -even if the 'child' is already grown up- is one of the most profound pains one can experience, not only to humans. Elves should per default not experience that. They do not leave Arda, so even while there is profound grief over being parted from a beloved person, that person is still there somewhere, and there is a very good chance that after some time, they will be reunited.

Can you imagine what it must feel like for such a being to lose a child like Elu and Melian lost Lúthien? Their ONLY child? I don't think that either of them was ever ok again after that.

And yet Elu did something rather peculiar, when presented with a half-starved mortal boy whose mother is a cousin of Beren's- and took that boy in. A noble act, maybe, one to show how much he is repenting of his actions against Beren, but also an act of deliberate self-harm (no, I have no textual proof for this. Yes, I'm still adamant that this is what it is). Because he did not only care for Túrin- he loved him as his son, a boy who must die the same death Lúthien died. I think this is also why Melian never really got involved with Túrin apart from protecting him, and seeing to it that he would be well tutored.

Elu, however, let himself love a doomed child again, and do everything right he did wrong the first time, and still be hurt in the worst possible way- not only by Túrin's death but by Túrin leaving Doriath in scorn, and accepting neither pardon nor apology.

(And yes, I do have this wild theory still that Elu's death was actually suicide. I mean, insulting armed Dwarves is very stupid. But then finding nothing to defend oneself in a SMITHY is... illogical. I still think he wanted to be killed, so he would not have to witness his daughter's death a second time. And when the chance came, he took it gladly. Yes yes, I know there is zero evidence for that and no-one will agree with me there. Be it.)

#silmarillion writers' guild #tolkien meta week #tmw #elu thingol #the tale of beren and lúthien #the children of húrin #sorry that this is so sketchy

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thisuserislilsilly · 7 months ago

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Summary: The beginnings of my memoirs about my life start, oddly enough, in my mid 30's when I was still just an inexperienced and "young" Rogue Trader. Little did I knew back then one fortuitous mission would change my life forever

Pairing: Crae Vullscat (Rogue Trader) x Isolde (beloved character of @meervalv0 :> )

Genre: Fluff, a bit of smut (at least in someone's mind...)

TW: Smutty imagination, foul language, blood

Goblin tag squad: @finchly-tintinnabulation @artemisareia @echo-of-damnation

@meervalv0 @jaghatai-khock @cardinalcanis @druidwolf21

Author's Note: I write these words in no way to repent myself for the things I have done in my life, nor because I feel any of the crazy stuff I have lived through needs to be documented, I just do this because I can and since the Schola Progenium days of my youth I have gotten used to write things down to not fall into madness and accidentally shoot someone after a bad day on the Ship's Throne. If any other person is seeing this, like you Osmi fuck off, please return it to my drawer or wherever you have found it, it ain't yours and it certainly does not hold any sacred texts...more like if you leak any of this stuff I'll shoot you down and then myself for heresy.

Life had been pretty simple and boring for me at that period of my life, the Vullscat were finally out of the poverty that had stricken on our Sector, trading was coming out pretty nicely and nobody in my ship crew had deserted yet or yelled at me for some stupid incompetence I could had committed. So, to shake things up a little bit, I decided to play Good Samaritan and have a go at listening to nearby calls for help, recruitment or bounty missions with some well amount of credits to spend in luxury planets or buying that nice cloak I had gotten to almost steal at Kuridian Prox.

From all the communications I could had received, one coming from a flagship of the Adeptus Astartes was certainly not in my wildest of plans for the day, so naturally as soon as it came through and I heard a deep male voice in an even lower tone than the commissar I had the displeasure of having in my ship I did the most natural, rational thing I or anyone could had done in that situation: Panic and cut the link off.

I giggled nervously for a moment at the absurdity of what I had just went through, but that cheer wouldn't last long as the communication Vox again lighted up with an incoming call; it had to be them, I knew their kind wasn't used to receive a no for an answer from frankly anyone that weren't one of their "brothers", so I just let it rang and rang and rang expecting whoever was at the there end of the line to get tired of trying and just hang up.

When the situation approached the five minute mark I knew my hopes were in vain.

"My Lord Vullscat, are you going to let that blasted alarm keep going until the end of times!?!?" My Seneschal yelled over the cacophony of sounds surrounding us

"I am sure they will give up soon, Gertie! We just need to hold on a little longer...!" I tried to excuse myself, shrugging

"Yes....Captain" Gertie went back to his post, this time touching his ear augmentations to mute the sound around him, leaving to me the horrible task of having to keep listening to the Vox alarms

Still, my name is Crae Vullscat after all, the most stubborn one of my entire family, the one that as soon as he got the Trader parchment of the House made way to a Paradise World and spent a third of the riches of the family in amasec, wine, cigarettes and other hallucinogens I rather not talk or even write about. Honoring that persistence I braced myself to endure the annoying beeping sounds for another five minutes before my ears begged me to answer the call already. As soon as I connected the line a commanding Marine voice almost left me deaf, if the alarms hadn't done that yet, rambling on about how insulting my behavior had been for not answering the call of "The Emperor's Angels" and that I would had a stern talk to their Chaplain as soon as I would poke my head out to the same planet as they were in.

After a few minutes enduring those speeches, the Marine finally calmed down, inhaled deeply and relayed the information he was actually supposed to deliver; I was to be formally contracted (or hired or threatened to be shot if I didn't accept) under the protection and custody of the Dark Angels Legion to engage in a secret mission. Success in said activity would guarantee riches, a parchment of honor that would basically let my ship go wherever I wanted to go without any explanations to give and the pardon of the High Lords of Terra for the increasingly worrying amounts of debt my House had been collecting since the dawn of our business; one that was far too large for me to not get excited at the prospect of being rid of it. I thought about the offer and it's risks for about...ten seconds before I accepted in a rush of words not even an Ogryn would had been able to understand; I was relayed the information of where to meet the representatives of the Legion in case I needed more details of what it would be asked of me to do and then, only then, did the Space Marine cut transmission, not before insulting me in a language I did not understand but I was pretty sure it was their version of the saying "go fuck yourself".

The time it took the "Tears of the Fallen" to arrive at the meeting system gave me enough time to actually reflect in what I was doing. If they had contacted a Trader meant they needed to do something off the record so either an illegal activity that could pull me into a heretic plot or, if my paranoia was unfounded, it was a secret operation so the enemy wouldn't suspect a thing if they had spies watching the Imperium. So either some shady stuff or a job only suited for a wild card like me; to be fair it wasn't the worst scenarios possible for Crae Vullscat (if we remember that time the Tear's was framed for the murder of an Imperial officer) to be in.

Still, it was dangerous, something to take very seriously, which is why I assigned Gertie to write my will in case I died there, leaving most stuff to my uncle while leaving absolutely nothing to my sister Vanya, that hateful bi-.

The shaking of the entire ship announcing we had gotten out of the Warp and entered real space stopped my trail of thoughts just when the fantasies were about to get really graphic on the depictions of the consequences I would face if I failed the mission tasked of me...or if I accomplished it but for some dammable reason it wasn't according to to what they would think it was "righteous". I shook those morbid thoughts aside, however, when the bridge between the two ships completed it's docking, leaving my crew on one side nervously waiting for the guests to arrive and on the other end of the bridge the Astartes were taking all the time of the world to make their wonky walk to us; it honestly was pretty funny when you're used to people moving with agility and fitness and not like a walking talking tank.

In all my previous encounters with Space Marines I had to admit they scared the absolute hell out of me, the size difference alone would had been a good giveaway of how far off my own league I was by interacting with what could had easily been almost Gods of the Imperium in my new pants that had been just ruined by me emptying all of one could call shit in them. Thank to the Emperor the only one that had noticed this involuntary, and totally shameful, act was Gertie who proceeded to spray me with a bit of perfume before the guests got too close.

"Rogue Trader Vullscat, I take it?" Holy shit, one of them was talking directly at me "Yes...my Lord?" I tried to remain as calm as possible one could be in that sort of situation "My name is Isolde, I will be the one to task you with this most secretive task" Holy Emperor's balls, it was a WOMAN Astartes

I froze in place for a moment by the force of the shock it had just hit me. I had read stories that Marines could be female, or as close as female those giant freaks of nature could be, but I had never imagined I would be standing in front of one, even less so that they would be addressing me directly and assigning me a task to do. I really hoped only the good parts of the Vullscat fame had landed on their ears and not all the problems we were facing...or how I wasn't particularly a monument to courage and uphold of the Imperial Truth; to be completely fair now I was just getting scared some of our mutant and abhuman crew was discovered by some of them.

"Lord Vullscat?" She arched one of her...white...perfect...beautiful...rather sexy I might add, eyebrows while looking down at me, directly at me. What was that phrase about love at first sight again? "Yes...! Yes uh, ma'am, it would be an honor to receive such a task from the First Legion, I will be most than honored in receiving my duty at your hands“ "Seriously Crae? For the Emperor's sake the only thing you took out of that is if you could kiss the ground in which she walks on! Stop acting like that!" Gertie bumped into me and whispered those words in my ear, but I was too entranced by Isolde looks to talk back at him "Very well, now come forward, this next information is for your ears alone" The white haired beautiful woman waved a hand at me and pointed to a table nearby

All of what I could think at that moment was how dirty that table was, it was a shame I hand't told my people to clean anything up to greet our guests although in hindsight for how crazy some of my crew were it was best they hadn't even tried to do something of the sort or the walls would had been adorned by heretics skulls. I caught only a few things Isolde told to me in that briefing, I was hunting one of the Legion "old associate" or brother or whatever, they were hiding in Hulmar, the main city of the planet that shared names with and that the Dark Angels couldn't give me too much help down there because something along the lines of honor and duty and by that part I was praying to the Emperor that she would stop talking so righteously and talk like a normal person for once.

Once again I have to stop whatever I was writing about to remark how beautiful she looked. Having to constantly look up to face her came with a few advantages, for example when I looked straight ahead I didn't had to look like a weirdo for having my eyes be directly in the view of her legs and hands whenever she was adopting a resting position without her arms crossed. I can say now, a long time after these events had transpired, that it was a tantalizing view. One that would make me question quite often if those long and clawed nails would hurt my back if I ever could convince her to spend a night, and probably the last night of my life, with me in my own quarters; those filthy thought did pop up a lot whenever she was talking or just staring at me as it was my turn to say something, part of why accepted to make such a crazy mission of hunting a "super human" that could absolutely wreck me in a fight in the first place wasn't "for the glory of the Emperor" or to restore anyone's honor, but because I knew that would put me in a good light with the lady and...push me into the right direction to make my move. A move to flirt with her, something to bask in as I would attempt to win her heart and probably get rejected and my head caved in for even suggesting the possibility of us having a go at sex; still it would be a helluva way to die though.

The sight wouldn't last forever however, just when she had given me all the details I was totally paying attention to, like I have already pointed out, she stood up, put her hood on and pointed to me while saying "Make the First proud, and you'll be rewarded"; I had to bit my lower lip to not suggest the reward was some wine and a private room. The other Marines stood up and left their chattering just when Isolde had said those last few words to me, they all made the sign of the Aquila and proceeded to go back through the same bridge they had arrived at our ship in. Everyone stood there staring like fools watching the guests leave, there was an awkward moment of silence as none of us wanted to break the tension and the sight every single human at my cohort had witnessed; the first one to speak up was Lars, who could not hold back any longer the thought that crossed through my mind too "Holy mother's luck we have just signed off our deaths".

Editor's note: The next part of this memoir has been heavily edited and toned down from the original copy, not only because Crae Vullscat spent two entire pages having a mental breakdown and going through multiple possible plans to catch said Fallen Angel but too because it contains heavy usage of insults, drug mentions and an illegal ring of contraband in the Homeworld of the Vullscat that for the security of their integrity has been erased and disbanded already. This editor sincerely thanks the readers patience.

Despite what the propaganda and the official re-telling of this story would say, I did not head to the largest bar of Hulmar to search for information or to slip into the worshippers of the Fallen to plan his demise, I was just thirsty, tired from all the planning and honestly lacking the faith that the task was even accomplishable by me or my subjects. I drowned my sorrows in bottles and more bottles of amasec thinking how would I explain the failure to the beautiful lady and not die in the attempt when, in my total drunkenness, I tripped and fell on a fellow that was drinking at that bar as well.

The man hadn't taken my clumsily drunk behavior in the best of manners, mainly because I didn't apologize for it and instead laugh that the wet mark I had spilled on him looked like he pissed himself, raising his fists in the air and shouting at me how much he was going to enjoy killing me and then selling my livers to the black market. My dumb brain made just enough neural connections to block the first punch headed my way and then mumble something about me being a Rogue Trader and that he should had shown some respect to the badge; that shocking revelation came accompanied by me flailing around the pin I had on my jacket that signaled me as one of those important folk. Now, this must be repeated again, I did not knew that man was a cultist, I did not know how did that misunderstanding led me to have a chat with him in one of the tables and then talking of business and how I could help him with something he needed help transporting. I just remember my luck again kicked in on that moment and that my silver tongue managed to convince the idiotic fool I was the right man for the job, that I was the best smuggler in the entire galaxy and that no cargo was too big or too small for me to get past the official requisitions made by the planetary defense forces.

No matter what I had said there, I came out of that bar with a new contact and a place to meet some group that would help deliver the "cargo" from their base to my ship, I just needed to tell my people about it and stay with the smugglers at all times to reassure them I would pull through with the deal. Which is why, after an entire night sobering up, throwing up and convincing Gertie I knew what I was doing, five of my finest and (only) volunteers came down with me to one of the backstreets of Humal to seal the deal. The gang that awaited us with a large box, the size of a Space Marine oddly enough, had their entire bodies covered in red tattoos, some with a star-like figure in them and other's with a inscription in a foreign language I had no intentions of knowing it; still despite the appearance they seemed to be nice fellows. They received me and my cohort with smiles, we exchanged money for the box and they left it up to us to take the cargo down to the docks....with no protection...laughing...and saying goodbye with the words "I hope you don't wake him up!" on their lips; not the weirdest behavior ever if I had ever seen those, I thought to myself, like an idiot.

Editor's Note: Yes, they were worshippers of the Chao god Tzeench.

According to my calculations and the map I had shown my crew, the docks were just half a mile down the road, passing through a wide open space empty of building that had the faded Inscryption of "Hooting passage"; no, neither my allies nor I did get the reason or the meaning behind the word "hooting", thinking it was a local internal joke or some kind of sound an animal typical of the zone emitted. We set off then, talking amongst us of what the cargo would be, still thinking of how we could get the Fallen out of hiding and what each of us would do with the money the Dark Angels would pay us with after all of this was over; Phawl even suggested the possibility of conning them out of more money, but that idea was quickly shut down when you think about their Librarians and how they could make your head explode with a thought if they so happen to read your mind so we best decided to not go through that idea. The evening passed relatively fast that way, having our own fun to distract us how heavy the cargo was and how cumbersome carrying the whole thing without accidentally dropping it was. Thinking back on that, the weight alone should've given me a hint that if it looked like an Astartes in a box and sounded like a snoring Astartes in a box, then most likely what was inside of the cargo was a fucking Astartes,

I would like to point out I wasn't the one that their grip slipped on one of the sides and made the box fall hard on the floor, it was Bilkis, if there is someone to blame for having the cargo fall to the floor, make the box crack and awake the Fallen tucked inside of that box was Bilkis, let the register say that every single time this situation is brought up on the upcoming years; the guy that made the Fallen wake up was B-I-L-K-I-S. Yes, the people that had given us the cargo were, we later found out, worshippers of one of the Chaos Gods, with said deity guiding them to dispose of the Fallen on our hands thinking the Marine was dead and the ones to be blamed for having killed an Adeptus Astartes would be us; it was lucky then that the Fallen wasn't dead or that the fall BILKIS caused didn't snap his neck, what was less lucky for us was the fact the Fallen immediately started to attack us, killing Andarah, Barb and Dolpham in less than the second it took me and Bilkis to scream out of panic.

Before the Marine could remove his fist from the chest of Barb, the only other crew member alive and I started to run as fast as our legs could allow us, to hell with the bounty, with the money, with the Fallen and the Dark Angels, we were now only worried in saving our skin; which is why we ran past the Hooting passage warning signs without thinking twice, if the animal that "hooted" was there and ate us then that fate was better than whatever a Fallen would do to us.

Now...there is something important I forgot to write when I retold the moment I looked at the old, dusty map; see, there was this stain of amasec in the holopad after I had accidentally sneezed on it, which may had covered an "S" in the name of that passage, right in the word "Hooting", in the left side just before the "H"....it was the "Shooting passage", a part of the city that had been given to the Imperial defense forces a long time ago to train their soldiers in a more realistic setting than the training fields of their bases. And it just so happens Bilkis and I walked right into it, triggering the first alarms of the base that there were some unauthorized personal running like madmen trying to cross said passage; the commander of their unit told me a day after these events had transpired that we were running so fast they confused us with some giant rats or, worse, Tyranids trying to breach their defenses.

We screamed....we screamed a lot once we heard bullets pass us by and impacting the walls around us, I may had confessed to Bilkis the fact I just got that mission because I wanted to bang some giant pretty lady, Bilks just hit me in the back of the head in the right moment to dodge a bullet headed to my brains, my luck hadn't ran out yet.

"Crae is the Fallen still chasing us!?!?!" Bilkis said once his legs were starting to give up on him, just a few meters away from the end of the passage "I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW OHSHITOHFUCKOHSHITOHFUCK I DON'T WANNA DIE YET I AM TOO YOUNG TO DIE YET I CAN'T LET MY FUCKING SISTER HAVE THE TITLE YET-" I valiantly screamed back at Bilkis

A second later we heard the answer to our questions; for those uninitiated in the subject, it is possible to break the hard ceramite present in the armor of the Adeptus Astartes, it is rather easy in fact for a small army of guardsmen to do it, all you need is good aim and a sustained fire upon a specific zone of the armor and it will break or dent; yes it is hard, but it can be done. I know this now because at that moment all of the bullets that had fly past us were actually landing on the Fallen chasing after Bilkis and I, that was the reason why the giant hadn't caught up to us yet and why we heard some kind of metal being constantly punished behind us although neither Bilkis or me wanted to look back to see what it was.

Yes, the records suggest I baited the Space Marine to that kill zone for then later blast him away with the rest of my crew once we reached the docks. What it is not said, however, was my constant screaming once we got past the passage and entered the space ports; neither it is told how I shoved people out of the way or straight up threw some of them behind us as a human obstacle for the Fallen to surpass by caving their skulls in with punches and shoves out of the way. Still, for as much as anyone wants to criticize me for that I will gladly inform that bought Bilkis (who I may remind you was the responsible for the Fallen to break free in the first place) and me enough time to shout at the rest of the crew to open fire on the Marine. We threw ourselves to the ground for a moment later hear how Gertie led the firing line by targeting the helmet of the Marine and nothing more, which coupled with the sustained damage it had received from the Shooting passage before allowed the armor to crack and make the plasma shots and bolter rounds pass the thick armor and put an end to the Fallen life.

"Crae...what in the sweet spots of the Warp just happened!?!? Where is the rest of the crew??? Was that the Fallen? Did anyone check it is dead like for real dead? Can we loot the armor or is that illegal?" Questions and more questions started to pour down the Tear's crew as the moment passed and Bilkis and I reincorporated back on our feet "I...I...I need to...we have to....Oh by the Emperor I need to inform about this to the Isolde lady..." That was all what I managed to articulate with my chest wheezing

A couple of hours later, back in my chambers and with a stress ball on my hands to soothe me, the Vox told me about the arrival of Isolde on the Tear's; inhaling deeply I allowed her to come in and braced myself for seeing such a woman once more. She was dressed simply but finely, with some large robe covering her big musculature, a bow tying up her hair on the back of her head and some high heels that made her giant form even more massive. She was...gorgeous, she looked like a goddess and in a weird sense she kinda was, all things considered. She was smiling, or I thought that was what I should had interpreted from the weird expression on her face; two of the Dark Angels were escorting her, I could barely see them at the doorframe, not entering most likely out of respect for Isolde but letting her intentions of guarding her well known to me.

"The Fallen is dead, ma'am" I put on the best seductive voice I could pull "The will of the Emperor has been done, one less shameful sin has been lifted from your ears, my lady" "The Legion is grateful to you, Rogue Trader" Her tone was so formal, so devoid of any feelings "It is my pleasure to serve, it gives me time to explore the galaxy around us after all" I chose the words carefully, smirking "You are an explorer?" She bluntly asked, right to the point "Oh yes, most certainly!" I stood up from my chair and began doing some theatrics "I have explored from the cold lands of Edavrost to the jungles of Tarsilus, I even managed once to visit an Aeldari world before it was wiped out by Imperial forces and the Inquisitor in turn bombed the place"

Editor's Note: There are no proof of those names ever be used for Imperial Worlds, this part must not be taken literally, perhaps just some fantasies and made up names the Rogue Trader came up with to mask the true names of the visited worlds. He never visited an Aeldari world too.

I played the mysterious card up my sleeve, purposely turning my back on her and looking to the vastness of the space beyond the crystal windows of my study; glancing from time to time back at Isolde if what I had said had caught her interest. The Emperor smiled at me that day, for I will never forget the little drop on her serious facade to a fascinated look in her eyes.

"I did not knew I was talking with such experienced traveler, your stories must be certainly curious" Isolde looked around the room to some of the trophies I had collected throughout the years "I got many, in case you ever wish to hear some of them" I left the question hanging in the air, crossing my fingers "I could certainly think about it" Isolde nodded, preparing to leave already

Perhaps what came over me at that moment was desperation to not lose completely the opportunity to sway that big woman, or maybe I didn't wanted to admit I had been completely shut down by someone after using all the charisma and strategies to flirt I could had pulled out at that moment, Or even the possibility I was being selfish with how many times I could've died out there doing those stunts that I was absolutely sure I wouldn't and couldn't been able to repeat for anything or anyone ever. It doesn't really matter now, what matters is that I had enough guts in me to get ahead of Isolde and close the door on her right as she was heading out, just like that, so bold in my approach I didn't even count in what I was about to say or what I would do once I had closed the door on her.

I must've taken her by surprise too by the look on her face as I stood there, tiny in comparison but still holding the eye contact I could had with someone that big, I was even on my tip-toes trying to appear as large as I could. There was awkward silence that followed that stupid act of mine, for the life of me I don't know and probably never will know what Isolde was thinking at that moment; she just simply picked me up, like you would hold up a baby, right to her eye level; I gasped and held my breath, oh my fucking Emperor that was happening, there was going to be a kiss, oh boy was I ready for that, even thinking if it was going to be with tongue or not or if I would be able to steal a kiss in the cheek once it was over and then be able to feel how her face felt against my own oh fUCK SHE WAS GOING FOR IT.

Except she wasn't, she just held me like that for a couple of seconds, investigating my face proportions (I won't lie I made a smirk and tried to get to my good side), then dropping me off on the ground, attempted to make half a smile and then said "You're a dummy. I like that". Then without waiting for an answer, she forced the door open making me fall backwards and left the room. I sat there for a good couple of minutes, giggling to myself, to my luck, to the chance of having at least getting to be at her eye level; in a moment worthy of a 10 year-old kid I picked my personal Vox and called Gertie, doing little bounces in place.

I didn't even let him answer, as soon as I heard the click of the connection I screamed at the top of my lungs "GERTIE SHE CALLED ME A DUMMY!"

#fanfiction #warhammer fanfic #warhammer 40000 #warhammer 40k #fanfic writing #wh40k oc #warhammer rogue trader #rogue trader #my writing

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multitude-of-eels · 1 year ago

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Is There A Responsible Way To Use The Darkness?

cw Kingdom Hearts and a rant I wrote while I was high Spoiler warning (probably)

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I think the power of darkness in Kingdom Hearts is a fascinating mixture of narrative slop, absolute bullshit, and really intriguing implications. Like, every time a character falls to darkness I feel like I can see the gears turning in their head and how and why it's happened and how and why their fall was their own damn fault, usually. Like, Terra doesn't get buddhist enough with it and holds darkness within his heart by virtue of being aggressive and easy to frustrate. He plays his emotions down (most likely because that's how he thinks suppressing darkness works, which is both true and wildly incorrect), but in the end he's still angry and wants power, even if he doesn't recognize his desire for power as ambition but rather the as desiring to be "good enough" to just not have bad feelings.

The people who hold some darkness in their hearts but are ultimately aligned towards the light are fascinating case studies, because their downfall is usually all but inevitable. Except Ansem the Wise. He embraces the powers of darkness for the sake of good, and it... works out for him. Sure, he spends a miserable amount of time stuck in the realm of darkness, but when he gets out he admits to having access to dark powers and I don't think he ever really renounces them. And he's one of the most important protagonists in the series.

So, I'm here writing all this bullshit to ask: is there a way to use the darkness without it ultimately leading you to evil? And answer is probably no. There aren't really any set rules for how anything in Kingdom Hearts works, the world just keeps on chugging along due to disney bullshit and writing slop. But, if there is, then the key lies in how Ansem the Wise's path to darkness was different from Riku's or Terra's.

Riku and Terra are both people who want to be the best, whether they understand that about themselves or not. Riku is cramped by Destiny Islands so he takes any out to have the adventure he always knew he was destined for. It just so happens that the first out he gets is by accepting the darkness and letting himself enter the realm of darkness as Destiny Islands is sent there in its entirety. From there, Riku desires the power to have his adventure in the first place, which is why he keeps indulging in the darkness. Terra, on the other hand, is constantly looking for ways to suppress the darkness within himself. He's hotheaded but tries to keep his cool, and ambitious yet not too high of an achiever. He understands that Eraqus, his master, thinks that his hotheadedness and ambition are the sources of his darkness, but he misinterprets how to get rid of it. Rather than accepting his emotions and the results of his actions as they come and processing them normally, he fights against his emotions and ambitions, which further frustrates him and pushes him to darkness.

Ansem the Wise, on the other hand, is both not particularly ambitious and fairly even tempered. He's predisposed to being resistant to the allure of darkness, so when he finally gets his hands on it, he doesn't indulge in things that would lead others astray. This is essentially the key difference between Ansem and Riku & Terra. And while both Riku and Ansem don't fear the darkness (leading to their greater control over it), Ansem doesn't want to use darkness for power, but rather for repentance.

So what using the darkness responsibly requires from someone is, in part, falling prey to it. That being that the first major step would be fearlessly embracing dark power, without craving it. Think of the litany against fear, but like this "I will permit it to pass over me and through me. / And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. / Where the [darkness] has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." After that? Have fun (but not too much fun) with your dark powers! Though fair warning, Ansem had to spend much of his stamina in order to do things that KH villains can do between breaths, like traveling between worlds using the corridors of darkness. So, not nearly enough power to actually take on most of Kingdom Hearts' cast I don't think.

But hey, when one of these days the writers cough up the secret to Queen Minnie's and Ventus' light magic I might write up another essay about that. Like, there has to be a secret to it. It can't just be "being pure of heart" because every other kingdom hearts protagonist is pure of heart and only a fraction of them can cast light magic spells like Holy, Faith, or... Wishing Wheel? Are the princess of heart D-Link commands even light spells? I can't imagine what else they would be.

#eelsgospel #kingdom hearts #ansem the wise #kingdom hearts riku #kingdom hearts terra #kh riku #riku kingdom hearts #terra kingdom hearts #kh terra #Terranort ranting about his theories to ansem type vibe #literally the type of shit that would get me kicked out of school at radiant gardens #yeah I think we just dry send this one into the world without looking at it a second time

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shiningshenanigans · 2 years ago

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So, about Loki and Sylvie’s dynamic in Episode 2…

This episode was hard to watch. It’s painful to see these two characters who we know love each other wrestle with such deep-seated issues in their relationship. The gap between expectations and reality for their reunion scene, what we hoped it would be vs. what we got, is pretty glaringly huge.

It’s interesting to think about how most of the reunion fics people have been writing for the past two years have been variations of the same thing: Loki searching endlessly for Sylvie out in the multiverse, finally finding her and welcoming her back with open arms; Sylvie, tentative and rageful at first, but eventually breaking down in tears and melting into his embrace. We all wanted a big, emotional moment for them, full of kisses and hugs and apologies and “I love you”s. What we got instead was awkward tension and a lack of vulnerability from both parties.

That sad part is, this is just what happens in human relationships sometimes. Sometimes you can’t resolve everything with one conversation. Sometimes fear, insecurities, pride, or just poorly timed interruptions keep us from mending what’s been broken between us and the people we love.

But, there’s still a reason that we wanted to see the reunion scene play out this way, à la Hosea and Gomer or the prodigal son returning home after wasting his father's money. We long to see forgiveness and repentance play out in relationships, because that’s what unconditional love looks like. That’s how the conversation should have gone, and would have gone if these weren’t flawed, complex characters that we’re dealing with. Sylvie should be feeling remorse for what she’s done. Loki should be prioritizing Sylvie’s emotional well-being above his own needs. Under the surface, I think that that’s exactly what’s happening. But neither of them are vocalizing it properly, and that’s what’s creating the tension.

Sylvie, I think, is clearly in the wrong. I say that as the biggest Sylvie stan ever, so hear me out. Her actions and anger towards the TVA have always been completely, 100% justified, but she’s being really short-sighted at the moment. She thinks she can settle down in her own timeline and forget about everything, but sooner or later the consequences of her actions are going to come back to haunt her.

If you think about it, killing HWR didn’t really do that much to free the timeline. The TVA didn’t even know that HWR existed, and he seemed to be running everything on autopilot. If Sylvie had made it all the way to the citadel by herself, without ever meeting Loki or Mobius, the TVA might very well have just continued to prune branches and hunt her down, with no real knowledge of what happened behind the curtain.

The real reason the TVA stopped coming after Sylvie is because Mobius and B15 put out an order to stop pruning branches. While Loki and Sylvie were making their way to the citadel, they were down in the TVA changing hearts and minds, transforming it from the inside out. That’s not to diminish what Sylvie did - after all, it was her fighting spirit that inspired the change in the first place. But in a roundabout way, Loki is really the one who set her free from her life on the run. He was the bridge between her and the TVA, the one who brought her story and the all evils of the TVA to the light. It’s really his influence that has made her new life on the timeline possible, but she doesn’t comprehend this yet. She can’t, with all of her unhealed trauma. In her mind, she’s her own hero. She saved herself.

It’s interesting to note that when Loki asks her what she’ll do if HWR shows up again, her answer is, “Kill him”, with that smug little smirk on her face. This has been Sylvie's go-to solution for all her problems ever since we met her. Minute men chasing her down? Kill them. Timekeepers trying to control her destiny? Kill them. Clown interrupts her plan to kill said time keepers? Kill him. Weird man in a purple robe trying to take away everyone’s free will? You guessed it: kill him. What she doesn’t realize, though, is that this mindset makes her no different from the corrupt TVA agents she hates so much. People making choices that lead to chaos and multiversal war? Prune them. In other words, kill them. Loki’s love for Sylvie, and his friendship with Mobius, has taught him that life has value, and now he’s doing everything he can to protect it through the TVA. But this isn’t a lesson that Sylvie has learned yet. She’s only thinking about the value of her own life - not the lives of others. Not really. Not yet.

Also, how happy could she really be in her little 1980s McDonalds world? Yes, she's experiencing stability for the first time in her life, and don't get me wrong, Homegirl totally deserves the chance to rest and live a normal life for a little while. But, at the same time, how many people in her new timeline could ever really, truly understand the life she’s lived? She deserves to have people like Loki, Mobius, B15, Casey and OB in her life: fellow variants who can relate, on some level, to the trauma that she’s been through. She deserves the chance to explore and embrace her Asgardian heritage, her Jotun heritage, even. With Loki in particular, she has the opportunity to be in a relationship where she is fully known in every way possible, seeing as he’s literally a masculine version of herself. She deserves that kind of intimacy in her life, and it won’t be long before that lack of connection starts to leave her lonely again. She may say that she’s not running from anything, but she is. She’s running from herself, from her own story.

Loki’s not off the hook, either. He made some major missteps in the way he approached this conversation. It really should have been his responsibility to lead with love and prioritize Sylvie’s emotions over his own. And while I think he tried to do that… he failed pretty miserably.

I have a suspicion that he was disappointed, a little hurt, even, when he learned about Sylvie’s new life on the timeline. Afterall, they had kinda made plans to do that together when all was said and done. It probably stung to learn that not only was she ok without him, she was also happy and thriving in her new life. This is honestly the hardest part of learning how to love someone selflessly. You tell yourself that you want what’s best for them, but… can you accept it if “what’s best for them” has nothing to do with whether or not you are an active part of their life?

A lot of Loki’s desperation to find Sylvie in the first episode is fueled by uncertainty–not knowing where she is and wanting to make sure she’s ok. When he learns about her new life, a lot of that urgency goes away. But, he still wants to see her, and he feels like he needs a “reason” for it. So, he hides behind his encounter with her in the elevator as his way in.

What Loki should have done in this moment was be vulnerable with her. He should have asked her how she was. He should have told her the real reason he came: because he loves her and wants to fix things between them (and also protect her from an impending multiversal war, but that’s a conversation for later). He got this so right when he threw himself under her blade at the citadel, holding her gently and assuring her that he knew how she felt. But sincerity and truth-telling, vulnerability, are all still new to him, and while he’s not hiding his feelings anymore, you can tell he’s still struggling to express them.

He’s too in his own head during their conversation. Her cold attitude and the time limit she’s placed on the talk have left him scrambling for words, so instead, he chooses to put up his own walls rather than chip away at hers. He tells her about what he saw in the future and asks her for information. He starts talking about TVA business and multiversal wars (the absolutely last thing she wants to hear about) and tries to force his viewpoint on her again rather than actually trying to clear the air.

They both have so far to go to reconcile their relationship, and it's tough to watch. It makes me miss their bond in season 1, their playful banter and the inherent sweetness of their honeymoon phase. Is it possible that they’re drifting apart intentionally, that they won’t end up together in the end? Yeah, sure. Marvel doesn’t really have a great track record for ending romances on a positive note. But I really hope that all the angst is building towards something satisfying in the end. It is, after all, only episode 2. We’ve got the whole rest of the season to go!

#sylki #loki season 2 #loki series #loki spoilers #geeking out gracefully

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variousqueerthings · 2 years ago

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This is what happens when you travel alone for too long

It's A Town Called Mercy, also known as "the one people say is super duper good in season 7" or "oh it's V for Vendetta but a Western"

and... yeah it's pretty good. I feel like it's one I cannot help comparing to other stories like it, and I'm not sure if it manages as much as they do, but I'm going to sit with it for a bit, and in the meantime! Ranking!

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 3/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 8/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 5/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 4/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 7/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 5/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 4/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 3/10

FULL RATING: 59/100 (if I can count….)

it's the politics that got this one. that and... the Ponds are still just kinda there this season. and other stuff. ah well, it's not terrible, on the whole

OBJECTIFICATION: Listen, there is none. not an off-colour joke, not an ogle, not a strange costume choice

there's not a lot of women in this story generally, Amy is kind of the only one who matters, and this one little girl who's in two scenes and doesn't have any lines, but I think that's something we'll get to later on when discussing this

PLOT-POINT: Eh, Amy doesn't really matter so much in this, apart from the scenes where she calls out the Doctor, which isn't really her, so much as him. it's not even a complaint as such, but I do still wonder... if this is a sign that maybe her story should have ended in The God Complex, since we're three episodes into s7 and she's not got much to do for her own story

COMPLEXITY: it's a good setup, town in the Wild West, beset by a gunslinger from space, because they're harbouring an alien war criminal who has since been repenting by healing their sick and bettering their lives generally

it's there to open the doors to discussions on morality

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: ah soooo, there's stuff here about the Doctor, subtextually, and I appreciate that it didn't do what God Complex did and spell it out so much (even though God Complex is still The episode of all time for this era)

the alien the Doctor has to choose to protect or throw to the gunslinger killed a lot of people in order to stop a war -- okay wait, before I go more into that as "see, like the Doctor," I have a question. has the show added the lore that it's the Doctor that killed the Timelords yet? because I don't think that comes up until later

we have last of the Timelords, we have the stuff at End Of Time where he sends Rassilon/Gallifrey back, but I think... that the Doctor pressed a big button and they all died is the 50th anniversary, no?

point being, one can begin to have a little wonder if this works for oneself or not, in terms of lore. 2005 nu!who established all the Timelords are dead, so far so good, End Of Time the Doctor sends the Timelords back to die, because allowing the Time War out would kill everyone, okay, the Doctor killed everyone... is an interesting thing I haven't thought much about until this moment. and then later on ofc (Chibnall era) we're getting the Doctor is in fact the most special Time Lord, the OG who through experiments gave the others time travel and was then force regenerated and had their memory wiped

it's an interesting thing, all this lore... it adds a lot of baggage to a story about a loser alien who's just out to experience the Universe (and who in the nu!who era is a war survivor with PTSD). in the classic!who series the Doctor is already an outsider, because the other Timelords think they're a fucking weirdo (simplification), and while I think -- biased because my era -- that nu!who made a good choice to have the Time War, so that it could strip away some lore and gradually re-introduce it to a new audience, perhaps we're getting... a teensy bit unwieldy here, in terms of who the Doctor is

that is more of a question to myself than an assertion. in any case, in this episode, war criminal, doing penance, nothing is too heavy-handed in playing into the Doctor that one cannot take it as one wants to, arguably the more obvious thing is the Doctor saying "today I honour the victims first, his, the Master's, the Daleks," which is fun, considering the last time we met the Master, the Doctor was desperately trying to get him to stay, because well... last of their species + the Master and the Doctor are Some Kinda Way about each other, so it's considering the fact that when the Doctor tries to hold an "everyone's lives have equal importance" morality constantly, this has had adverse effects on... victims of violence (especially with regards to the Master), and being the judge on this is no good, but also who is the Doctor to judge who deserves to die, etc.

there's also a question about the Doctor travelling alone (Amy says this) becoming more ruthless in exacting things like punishment

COMPANIONS MATTER: well sort oooof, Amy is mostly there to give another point of view to the Doctor's, especially with relation to "can i say that some people need to die," but I'm not convinced that couldn't have been done with someone else in the story, perhaps by refocusing the importance of the child, since there's that whole VO that's talking about her great-grandmother who was there... idk, they're not... really doing much in the story beyond that, especially Rory (who seems kind of fine with them sending this guy out for execution, and that is never explored)

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: nah, I think this episode did relatively well on having this be quite a Doctor-focused episode, without making the Doctor solve everything (or indeed... anything)

there's this bit that Jex the war criminal say: Looking at you Doctor is like looking into a mirror. There’s rage there like me, guilt like me, solitude, everything but the nerve to do what needs to be done. Thank the gods my people weren’t relying on you to save them

and I can see that's meant to be a bit of an Anti-Doctor moment -- the Doctor is not the great saviour that so many previous episodes have set them up to be in this era, the Doctor is a hypocrite, a coward, etcetc.

IIIII am not sure if.... oof, this is subjective. the idea of this as a continuity of exploring the Doctor's inability to save everyone, and need to be in control of situations, and "honouring the victims" there's just something about this episode that doesn't quite emotionally land for me, and I will continue to try and figure out what. the point being, it's meant to be a strong character piece, but I'm not sure it manages it

I'm also highly dubious in an episode that's exploring the Doctor's morality and what he's all about, about why the Doctor never asks the victim's name or background or... just anything really. but we'll get to that in politics

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: here's some of the "crux" of why I'm not sure it manages it, and it's more to do with "previous Doctor Who episodes of this era," than classic!who

in the sense of continuity of emotional journey. I think it's that seasons 1-specials had one long clear arc, one can pinpoint on the whole why the Doctor goes from s1ep1 to The End Of Time. and I'm not convinced that this episode works in this era, because I don't see that same arc in this era

maybe Twelve's era, from what I've heard of it, which deals with a lot of repercussions of having gone too far with things and not knowing if they're actually doing good on the whole, etc.

the main "big" arcs of this era have been 1. the relationship between the Doctor and Amy, a woman whose life he changed forever due to meeting her as a child and breaking a promise to her, which affected her entire upbringing and bent her towards the Doctor in an unhealthy way 2. the relationship between the Doctor and River Song, who is Amy's child and was kidnapped after being born and "brainwashed" into wanting to kill him, only to fall in love, but also if one takes this idea to its actual natural conclusion in conjunction with point the first, the Doctor's continued influence on Amy Pond continuing to be disruptive to the point that her child's entire life is even more (in fact solely one might say) in orbit around the Doctor, and never has the chance to break free from that destructive influence 3. some shit about a prophecy and a question and blabla, that has about zero emotional weight

there haven't really been stories about the Doctor's morality, so much as the Doctor's far more personal relationships, again The God Complex did this soooo well by introducing Rita as a possible companion and her rejecting the Doctor's whole schtick

so while technically this episode is fine as concept, I don't think it's grounded in an emotional continuity, which is a shame. give it to Twelve! watch Capaldi have these emotions!

“SEXINESS”: can you believe, a whole episode without a single sexy joke? wow, a rarity.

INTERNAL WORLD: so it's a Western town, it doesn't neeeed to be that fleshed out I guess, but I do feel like I wish the townsfolk were a bit more than just quaint set-dressing

we hear about Jex the war criminal's influence on this town, but we don't really see it

the Doctor even says to the gunslinger "this is their home, not the backdrop for your revenge," but it doesn't feel like anything but a stereotypical Western township, which is a shame

POLITICS: HA okay the other point where I am not 100% sure about this episode. it has good intentions, is my first point, it's not like it sets out to make conservative points or needlessly sexually harass Queen Nefertiti (sighs at prev episode)

buuuuuuut I just rewatched V for Vendetta a couple of weeks ago, as is the ritual on Guy Fawkes Night, and it's a very similar story, although ofc in V for Vendetta they're experimented on for far more nefarious purposes than "winning a war"... or are they. because that is my point, and maybe it's a pedantic one that a single 45min episode couldn't possibly have the time for, which is that a society/government that allows this sort of violence is "ends justify the means" and these types of governments are always at war in their heads

the idea of a neat divide between peace-time politics which are free to be nice, and war-time politics which necessitate the hard choices is simply not reality, and so the conceit that there was simply nothing else he could do but experiment on people and turn them into killing machines, it's... on shaky grounds

and it's kind of dependent on those grounds to work, because not only is this guy now repenting by doing good, the ends justified the means. they ended the war! millions were saved! (now where have I heard that before about an atom bomb?)

on top of that, the gunslinger isn't really as well-developed. who was he before he was experimented on? what did being forced to kill do to him? did he have friends on the experimenting tables die in front of him? who is he?

it's all well and good to say "but we don't do this Doctor, every life matters, including the war criminals" but why is the war criminal so well-developed, and the gunslinger -- the victim -- not at all?

those grounds are getting shakier by the Minute

why is this story not about the victim? why does the Doctor not go to hear the victim, not in terms of figuring out whether he should give over the war criminal, but just to be kind?

there is one scene in it where the gunslinger enters a church, sees a child and leaves again, because there's a neat thing in this that the gunslinger Will Not Kill Civilians, but that's such an interesting thing that's under-explored too. what if the gunslinger had to change his programming, because the original maybe didn't make a distinction between "enemy" and "civilian" (after all in these kinds of "wars" every person is an enemy, including the children)

what if the programming fights back when he's really upset and Jex the war criminal realises that this is his fault? what if a child died in this episode... that's getting a bit messed up, but let's entertain it for a second? or a parent died protecting their child and the gunslinger has to run from the town to stop the programming -- the programming that's been forced on him through mutilation and experimentation and that violence can never be undone? what if this story was about the victim, and not about a repenting war criminal?

gunslinger, after Jex self-destructs: "He behaved with honour at the end. Maybe more than me"

DID HE???? He just felt bad really, you're the most trauma-inflicted character we've had on this show in some fucking time

so yeah, it's grounds are. shaaaaky. shaky shaky shaky the more you think about it

another minor thing is that none of the main driving characters had to be men, but there's five extra characters in this episode with lines and big-to-small arcs (marshall, jex, gunslinger, young boy, mayor-type) and everyone else is backdrop, which is just kind of... in your cool scifi Western all the women were silent? why did the little girl not get to speak?

FULL RATING: 59/100 (if I can count….)

It's a good concept, executed at the wrong time in the story, and executed very clumsily

the good parts relate to the concept itself, and not spending valuable time being massively sexist

the problem is that it's just not smart enough to explore what it's trying to explore, and it's such a heavy topic, it better know what it's doing or it'll fall flat on its face. I wish it had come at another time with better writing, because I really wish it was better

I also wish that people were more adventurous about writing women. two historical Moments this season and neither have been kind to women for different reasons

is it time for the Ponds to leave? we'll find out next episode (I say, like I don't know their arcs)

#im watching nu!who #im watching eleven who #a town called mercy #the measurement

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