i've spent a lot of the past 24 hours talking to various trans people in the fandom that reposted or dmed me about this video and i'm gonna yap here under the cut about it.
(i'm not a spokesperson for trans people obviously, and i don't mean to lead these discussions. i know i've had a lot of them recently but yeah it's been rough, i just thought this was interesting to share and can hopefully share a lil of how people are feeling.)
i've always assumed that the hate that i've received on my account was because of me? i post videos talking about discourses, i'm open about ships i like that are generally hated, etc etc, i've just assumed it was a me thing.
but then when people are mad about those things, it more often than not comes to slurs. it's come to people debating my identity, questioning how much of a man i am when i wear makeup, posting me on reddit pages, throwing the words tranny and "she-man" around farrr too much, and i thought "isn't it heartbreaking that this is their first thought?"
so it gradually became less about me as an individual, and instead my identity. and just that these people are mean.
and i made that video from the perspective of someone who's already upset. who's had a lot of stuff like this happen and is Sad about it.
but i've spoken to 47 trans people that reached out to me themselves about this, and have so many more requests to get through, and not one has said that they feel safe and comfortable in this space. not a single one.
so i thought i'd share some of the things that were said (with permission and anonymously) because i think it's quite interesting to see what the issues are:
the MOST mentions goes toooo: the discourse about male characters - namely sirius - wearing makeup and the way gender norms become the forefront of this - makes them feel as though people dislike "unconventional trans people" as one person put it.
alongside this, the hate for trans characters - namely regulus - and how people get very mad about it "reinforcing heterosexuality" - do not feel recognised as the gender they are, feel as though people are viewing trans people as "fake men or women" - quote.
discourses surrounding height, hair, 'gender presentations' etc - brought up by a lot of people and they recognised that this is coming from a good place (not reinforcing heterosexuality) but feel as though the amount of focus put on it is disproportionate to the presence of it. copy and pasted quote: "I'm a 5 foot 2 trans man and feel like less of a man because of it"
profitting jkr: (obviously, because that's what the video was about) i want to add that nearly everyone said that they understand the desire to, and were receptive of the fact you don't know what goes on behind the scenes re: donating elsewhere etc, but said that they've felt less safe since the surge of posts about the reboot.
guilt. which makes me glad that i posted about that here a few days ago because i felt alone in this. a lot of the people i spoke to feel guilty for being here, and feel as though they can't claim that this fandom is inclusive anymore.
comment sections: brought up by a handful of people who said that not enough people delete horrible comments on posts - one said "even if they argue against them it just feels worse than deleting it", another said "obvs i can't ask people to delete them on their own account but it does suck that they dont think to" - every person that brought up comment sections said that they tend not to look at them now which makes them feel like an outsider in the fandom.
cosplays: brought up by four people and feels relevant to above points about "gender presentation" - said that unless you're cosplaying sirius, they nearly always have to delete comments saying something along the lines of "xyz wouldn't wear makeup". all of them said that they just feel nice in it and never meant it in a bad way.
scared to be loud: scared to post, especially with face. a few acknowledged that they are scared to do so anyway, but worry about it in this space as well. bolded this one because it makes me so sad, but having been put on reddit pages for saying pete was their friend, i get it.
and the final point, a copy and pasted line: "i dont want to be represented when it suits them and i don't want to be a box they tick when adding diversity to a fic and then cry in comments. i dont want performative support"
ALSO ADDING HERE:
nearly everyone (bar 7 people) that reached out to me acknowledged that this is a minority, and not the majority. they were very clear that it isn't their whole experience, but is an issue regardless. a lot of focus was put on curating your own space and finding people who do support you, but algorithms don't always make that possible, and it's difficult seeing it happen even if they don't interact.
which is,,, yeah. that's the crux of it really. most of the time it's fine and it's lovely and things like this don't happen, but they still do, and how do you feel like you can engage when you don't know what side it will get on?
which,,, sucks. because there's not really anything anyone can do then. it's just screaming into a void and hoping that you don't end up on the wrong sides.
but anyway, i thought it was interesting. especially the comment sections and the headcanon discourse - which truly, i see less of on tumblr anyway but for all of the above reasons, don't fancy discussing this on tiktok right now which is the epicentre of it.
but yeah. food for thought perchance, and some very good discussions !! thank you to anyone that messaged me and allowed me to write this, you're not screaming into a void with me 🫶🏻
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Something people don’t often talk about with chronic illness is the grieving. Having to grieve your old life or, -especially if you were diagnosed as a teenager like I was- the life you could have had. And having to come to terms with the fact that you can’t have that life, or even that you might never have that life, is so hard.
So anyone who is going through this, I see you, and I understand. I might not understand your specific circumstance but I can understand parts of it. You are doing amazing and I am so proud of you.
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once again annoyed at how fanfic is treated like "content" or a product provided to a community rather than a thing people make in their free time. if at any point your solution to your fandom woes is "strangers who don't even know i exist should write pairings or subject matter that i want to read instead of a popular pairing i don't like that they clearly do like", then you need to find a different problem to have. these strangers making stuff for fun owe you, random stranger, fuck-nothing, even if the thing they like is Popular M/F Ship #459 and the thing you like is a same-sex ship with an unfairly maligned female character.
it does suck when the majority doesn't share your preferences, especially when it feels like you end up sifting through many entries of things you don't like or outright hate to see if there's stuff you like. but that doesn't mean that people writing the thing you dislike are being mean to you, or making your life harder, or actively doing anything wrong. it's just an annoying thing you have to live through. you being uncomfortable, inconvenienced, annoyed, or put upon doesn't necessarily mean another person has done anything to you, especially not harm.
and to the "writing is hard! don't suggest 'write it yourself' as a solution because writing is hard and a skill and suggesting i should write things myself is ableist!" crowd, i say: get fucking for real. no writer is obligated to cater to you because you're a bad writer yourself. you sound like those people on r/choosingbeggars who try to bully illustrators into free commissions because they can't draw very well themselves. grow the fuck up.
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