#anon i am fascinated by how your brain works

[ultranos]

Hey nos, please could you start tagging your atla critical posts so I can blacklist them? You do post some good points occasionally, but the sheer bitterness is getting a bit much for me.

This is fascinating to me for a number of different reasons. The first of which is that I'm honestly kind of baffled by what it even means, because I don't...really engage with fandoms in "pure praise" mode. Ever. My brain doesn't work like that. I took too many media studies classes in university for my brain to work like that; there's always part of my brain engaging critically with every piece of media I interact with and I can't shut it off. And the longer I pick and prod at it, the longer I can engage with it and think critically about it, the more interested in the media I am.

This brings me to another reason this is fascinating to me, because I think if you're picking up on bitterness, Anon, it's not coming from where you think. I actually very much like AtLA. I like it in spite of, and some times because of, its flaws. I like the fact that I can see the bones of a great story, see the flaws where things could be better, where the things they got absolutely right still hold up all these years later.

Where the bitterness and frustration comes from is with some areas of fandom's tendency to sand down those edges and flaws instead of engaging with them or throwing them into high relief. To ignore the flaws and pretend they don't exist because it makes them uncomfortable and unhappy.

(Okay, maybe some bitterness is from how Actual Human Disaster Child Azula was treated for a long-ass time, I'll cop to that.)

I like the canon Morally Ambiguous But Trying to Be Better Uncle Iroh over Saint Iroh.

I like the canon Angry Ball of Rage and Actually Kind of a Jackass Zuko over Never Did Anything Wrong In His Life Sad Zuko.

And I'd fist-fight a god for Aang, actual child and actual genocide survivor.

I really, really like the show I watched. I don't like the show that exists in a lot of people's heads.

[arizonaconservativegal]

🚨🚨🚨TAYLOR SWIFT IS A TRANSSEXUAL MALE 🚨🚨🚨

His height is a dead giveaway. It's not normal for females to be 6 FEET TALL. Her lifestyle is too dangerous and stressful for females as it damages our reproductive functions. We were meant to be at home caring for our loved ones and healing the weak and the sick. We are highly sensitive nurturers and it is DEADLY for us to engage in such dangerous, traumatic work. Look it up. Look up Beyonce and Nicole Kidman too.

Well I suppose I did sort of ask for more interesting anon bullshit but I gotta be honest, this was not what I had in mind.

[finnofamerica]

Professor, Please - Dr. Ian Malcolm x Reader || Fluff \ Smut

Summary: When your grades slip due to your fantasizing about your sexy professor, you would do damn near anything to get your grades back up.

Prompt: Would you be comfy with writing, professor! Ian x student!f!reader??? Like they started fucking because of “grades but in reality, they’re both head over heels for each other

Word Count: 1,179

Date Posted: 05.13.23

TW: Breeding, Exhibitionism, Dirty Talk, Nipple Play, Praise, Slight Edging, Teacher/Student Relationship.

Note: Remember that kink is customizable, and there is no right way to do it as long as you’re keeping safe. We play by Safe, Sane, and Consensual here, but there is also Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink. Don’t yuck anyone’s yum, I am willing to answer any questions that I can.

🔞MINORS DO NOT INTERACT🔞

|| Request Here || Masterlist || Fandoms/Characters || Req. by Anon

You were completely zoned in class. The only thought in your brain was how much you wanted to go home and rub one out so you could get back to work.  Not that you didn’t enjoy the subject. You thought that Chaos Theory was fascinating. It wasn’t your fault you were so out of it. The professor was the cause of your distracted state. 

Dr. Ian Malcolm was sex on legs, and arousal burned in you from the moment you first stepped into his class at the beginning of the semester. Black dress shirt partially unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up to the elbow, dark jeans that accentuated the length of his legs, paired with black boots - You practically came on the spot. Dr. Malcolm had these long, lithe fingers that you caught yourself fantasizing about constantly. 

“Class dismissed,” Ian called out. The sudden movement of your classmates snapped you back into reality. You’d missed the entire lecture. “Miss Y/L/N, I need to have a word with you before you leave.” 

Shit. Your stomach fell out of your ass. You packed your things into your backpack, hands shaking. You slung your backpack over your shoulder and nervously adjusted your shorts that had ridden up and settled into the crease between your hips and your thighs. You weren’t sure your legs would hold you up as you made your way down to the lectern at the front of the lecture hall. You could practically feel his gaze burning into you as his eyes followed you down the aisle. 

“Y/N, right? Is it all right if I call you that?” He asked, leaning casually against the lectern, arms folded over his chest, pulling his shirt open just enough for you to get a peak at his chest hair. 

“Yes, Sir, that’s fine.” You swallowed thickly, forcing your eyes to his. 

“Y/n, are you aware that your grades in this class are abysmal? Is everything okay? You seem distracted.” 

Of course, he could see right through you. 

“I’m sorry, Dr. Malcolm. I will try to be more focused in the future.” 

“At this rate, Y/n, you’re not going to pass this class. Even if you manage to focus up for the rest of the semester.” He sighed disappointedly.  “It's a shame, and You were recommended highly by the other professors when you signed up for this class.” 

“Professor, please, I will do almost anything to improve my grades. I can’t afford to fail this class.” 

“Why don’t we head back to my office to discuss your options.” 

You gripped Ian’s desk tightly, muffling your moans with your hand. Your shorts were pulled down around your thighs, just enough for him to slide in between your legs; your thong was pulled off to the side, the thin fabric surely soaked. 

“Fuck, Professor, please,” You moaned into your hand as he railed you from behind, one of his hands wrapped up in your hair. 

“God, you feel good, Y/n,” Ian growled, grip on your hair tightening. 

“Thank you, Professor,” You gasped out between thrusts. 

“You on birth control?”

“Yes, Professor.” 

“Good, ‘cus I’m not pulling out.” 

Your pussy clenched around him, a flood of arousal soaking his cock. 

“You just got so wet, Baby,” He tugged on your hair so he could growl in your ear, “Do you like the idea of me filling you with my seed?” 

“Yes, Professor,” You moaned as he slowed his thrusts just enough to give you a breather.

“Fuck,” He chuckled, “You’re a little slut, huh?” 

You whimpered underneath him. The threat of someone walking in on the two of you was not far from your mind. With the way that he was fucking you, you couldn’t care less if someone found you. 

“Just for you, Professor.” 

He thrust fast into you, your little breather over. The sound of skin slapping skin and moaning filling his office. He reached his free hand around your front, cupping your breast. Your nipples were stiff against his warm palm. The scratching of your bra against your taught had you whimpering beneath him. It was just enough to get you to the edge but not get you off. You would have given anything to orgasm while his cock was still buried inside you. 

“Tell me you want me to come in you,” Ian demanded, close to orgasm himself. 

“I want you to come in me, Professor, please,” You whined, desperate to tip over the edge yourself. His thrusts stuttered, and he buried himself as deep as he could in your pussy. You could feel his cock twitching as he spilled inside you. 

Slowly he pulled out, dropping to his knees. 

“What‘re you-” 

Your question was cut off by a long swipe of his tongue up your pussy, cleaning up the mess he’d made. He flicked his tongue against your clit, trying out different speeds and motions until he found the one that made you weak in the knees. 

You’d had a few boyfriends in your life, but none could compare to the way this man was devouring you. Ian was like a man starved. He was eating you out like you were his last meal. 

“Fuck, Professor, Please, I can’t take much more,” You whined. He gripped your thighs tightly but said nothing. The message was clear; you were not going anywhere until you came on his tongue. It was like every nerve in you was set on fire, as even your face began to tingle. You were so close, and that hot coil began to twist in your stomach. The eruption was imminent. Your legs spasmed beneath you as you orgasmed hard against his tongue, whimpering some form of his name. 

“Good girl,” He cooed as he tucked your thong back in place and pulled your shorts back up over your ass. “Meet with me every other week after class.” 

“Yes, Professor,” You nodded as you righted yourself, hoping to calm your flushed face before you left his office. 

“I expect you to focus in future classes, Y/n,” Ian said seriously, two fingers tucked underneath your chin so you couldn’t shy away from him. 

You were hooked on him ever since. Bi-weekly meetings in his office soon weren’t enough for either of you. You’d begun sneaking off to his condo in the middle of the night after your roommates were long asleep. Hookups turned into him making you dinner and stuttering excuses to your roommates when you spent the night. 

Tonight you were wrapped up in his arms, lying on the couch as some movie you weren’t really paying attention to played on the television. You drew lazy circles on his chest as he rubbed your back gently. You couldn’t imagine a more beautiful man at this moment. 

“What?” He chuckled softly as he caught you staring. 

“Nothin’. I just love you.” You were so relaxed it took you a full moment for your brain to catch up with your words. Neither of you had said it until this moment. 

Ian smiled, “I love you too.” 

Tags: @glowstick-anon

[valorant-drabbles]

Hallo! I'm the one who requested the iso x reader from last time （＾ｖ＾）

I was wondering if you could make a part two showing how they slowly progressed with each other if it's alright since I really loved the first part and I'm brain rotting hard about Iso

PS - I'll go by ♠️spade anon from now on

Not me accidentally creating a multi-part slow burn Iso fic!! Oh boy

Could be seen as platonic or romantic… but if people want a part 3, it’ll definitely be more romantic.

Gender neutral reader!

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Mild Cursing, Spoiler for Part 1 of this fic

Cold Shoulder

Reader x Iso

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

It had been about three weeks since the incident; since you and Iso had your little quarrel, and inevitably having started to understand one another. It was definitely a challenge for you, since you’d struggled for years when it came to getting along with people outside of work hours. Thankfully, Iso was proving to be extremely patient and courteous towards you and your growth. That wasn’t to say he didn’t get irritated every so often if he noticed you slipping back into your old, cold habits…

But you were making a genuine effort. What more could he ask for?

Despite it only having been a few weeks, you and Iso had started getting along quite quickly. He’d made it clear that you were always welcome to join him if you were feeling lonely- and considering your friend quantity in the Protocol was quite low, you were finding yourself ‘lonely’ often. It was strange- last month, you were completely fine being on your own. And now, if you went a few days without a casual conversation with somebody… you felt an odd emptiness inside your chest. A yearning for connection that you’d thought you’d severed long ago.

There were many days where Iso would return to his room after training to find you sat on his bed, listening to the playlist he’d shared with you. Usually you were reading, or watching movies on your laptop… passing the time until he’d return and possibly join you. Iso knew you had a bit of trouble asking to spend time together, so when you were in his room- it was kind of obvious why you were there. Once he’d shower and change clothes, he’d settle into bed and join you in whatever you were doing.

Overtime, this became routine. On days neither of you had a mission, you’d spend time together in the comfort of Iso’s room… quietly bonding, occasionally starting conversations- though usually it was Iso initiating. After all, even after all this time, he still found you to be absolutely fascinating, and desired to learn more about you.

“What do you think we learn from fighting ourselves?” Iso’s voice cut through the current silence filling the bedroom, causing you to look up from your book, eyebrow raised curiously at the sudden query.

“… what?”

“Ah- sorry. That came from nowhere.” Iso apologized quietly, his gaze sheepishly moving away from where you were watching him. “I was just… thinking about our mirror selves. From Omega Earth. How they look and act almost exactly like us- and our teammates as well.”

“Mhm. What about them, though?” You questioned further, noticing Iso shift in his seat.

“I’ve… had this question on my mind ever since I saw myself on the other team. ‘What do we learn from fighting ourselves?’… I’ve asked a few of the others, but… honestly, none of them had an answer I was looking for.” Iso grimaced softly at the memory of him asking Phoenix this question, only for the Brit to cockily answer ‘How much better I am compared to that fake me!’.

You took a moment to ponder his question. This was something you genuinely appreciated about spending time with Iso- he posed questions that made you think. Nothing too philosophical, usually… but it kept conversations interesting, and additionally helped the two of you learn more about how the other thinks.

“I guess… we learn our weaknesses.” You answer after about a minute of silence. “Though it’s not ideal… there’s certain circumstances where our double will be better than us at something. It’ll reveal a weak point in our abilities… and give us something to work towards improving. Alternatively, we learn the weakness of our double, and how to potentially exploit it if need be.” Your shoulders shrugged slightly, as you bit gently at the end of the pen in your hand. “It can also help us to… uh…”

Your hesitance to speak further piques Iso’s curiosity, and his gaze moves to you. He can’t help but notice your cheeks glowing a faint shade of red. You seldom showed emotion like this… allowing yourself to be embarrassed or even revealing a moment of weakness. Despite his desire to urge you into finishing your thought, he knew pushing you to answer would just make you uncomfortable. And, there was the possibility it could cause you to throw out your walls again, giving him the cold shoulder again- he couldn’t risk that. So, he waited.

As much as you wanted to change the topic or just… leave the thought unfinished, Iso’s eyes on you made it clear that he really wanted to know what you were thinking.

“Y/N?” Iso called out quietly. A sigh escaped you reluctantly, as you turned your body to face away from him slightly- only so that he would have trouble seeing how flushed your face had become.

“It… it also helps us to… see what we couldn’t see before. In our own teammates.” You finally continue, deciding to occupy your twitching hands with twirling your pen between your fingers. “How much our team would do to… to protect us. In the face of danger. The threat of death is always so real when you know the enemy won’t hesitate to kill you… sometimes you forget how dangerous it can be. How quickly you can lose somebody. And… how… if a teammate dies, you might go about the rest of your life… regretting that you never got to know them better. Or you might die with the same regret…” You swallow.

You thought back on the day you nearly died at Pearl almost every day. It all felt so surreal… the rush of emotion you felt when you saw Iso in danger? The searing pain from the bullets that had pierced your body?… the last thing you see being Iso using your Operator to take down the approaching threats…

His words echoing constantly in your mind.

“Don’t you dare die on me, Y/N.”

You’d always been so cold towards him… never giving him any reason to like your company. And yet… Iso risked his own life to save yours. With no hesitation.

“Y/N.” It was only after feeling Iso’s hand on your own that you realized he’d been calling your name. His voice was gentle, worry lacing the elegance he spoke your name with. His gaze on you was equally as concerned. It was only in that moment, seeing your own reflection in his eyes, where you notice you’d started crying.

“Shit.” You pull your hand away from Iso’s, and quickly moved to wipe your face of any tears that may had fallen. This was… new. You never let such fragile emotions show in front of the other agents… you only ever let out your piled up emotions behind closed doors, where nobody could see. Where nobody could know. “Sorry, I don’t… know why I’m crying. Can you just forget I said any of that?” You requested, though your voice wavered as you spoke, making you cringe internally. Were you truly so emotional when you thought back on that day…?

Without another word, you found yourself being pulled into Iso’s lap, his arms wrapped around you comfortingly, yet not intrusively. Physical contact wasn’t something you were used to either, but… in that moment? It felt… incredible. You needed this… so badly. For how long you’d needed it for, you didn’t know. You just knew you never wanted this moment to end- as soft as that sounded.

“I’m… not going to let either of us die with that regret.” Iso promised ever so softly, with his head resting comfortably against your shoulder. “And believe me, I don’t intend on dying anytime soon. So you don’t have to worry to much about missed opportunities to… get to know each other. And stuff.”

You kept your face hidden away from Iso; thankful he wasn’t making an effort to look regardless. You felt incredibly vulnerable in that moment… so you truly appreciated that Iso was making the effort to give you some level of privacy. At least as you attempted to pull yourself together again.

“I… I’m glad that… you didn’t give up on me.” You mumble gently against his chest. “… even though I was kind of an asshole to you.”

“Oh, no. You were a total asshole.” Iso chimed. You could just hear the grin on his face through his voice. It made you want to strangle him… not to death, per se.

“… besides. There’s no way I’d give up on someone as… incredible as you.”

Iso’s hand managed to find yours once again, and slowly, gently, you found your fingers intertwining with his without even thinking about it. The previously jarring silence in the room had been replaced with an air of comfortable quiet, as the two of you sat in each other’s company.

You never thought you’d have this thought towards another agent… but…

You really did enjoy Iso’s company. To what extent?… You were unsure.

Yet you enjoyed it regardless.

[laura1633]

Your Charles in Max's lap is so cuteeeeee! 🥹 sometimes I can't help thinking that Jimmy and Sassy might think Charles is their fellow feline because all of them have brown fluffy hair/fur and green eyes but idk whether Jimmy and Sassy will love or hate Charles. Love him because he's our fellows! Or hate him because why daddy let that big kitty sleeps on his bed and eats human food! Or even pity him because why daddy makes Charlie whine and scream so much ;(

Since Charles just wanna be in Max's lap as much as his cats, I'd love to read Charles with cat ear headband that makes Max thinks that, for the first time in his life, he wanna fuck a kitty. His kitty. If you're okay with that ofc 🥹

Ahhh anon I am so sorry for the delay in responding but I hope you see this because this made me laugh and smile like crazy - I think I read the line ‘why daddy makes Charlie whine and scream so much’ like a million times!!’ honestly it was the highlight of my whole week!

To be honest I wasn’t sure how to write this one at all but I have given it a go because your message made me smile so much. It's only short but drabble below

“What are you wearing?” Max studies Charles curiously. 

“You don’t like them?” Charles grins and re-adjusts the little kitten ear headband he picked up at the store. It really was too cute to leave behind especially because Max is always calling him his third kitty. Charles didn’t understand the comparison at first but the more time he spends in Max’s apartment the more he realises that there are some striking similarities between himself and the home’s other resident felines. Charles sometimes makes a soft little happy rumbling sound similar to a purr and he is  constantly clambering on top of his boyfriend desperate for attention. Plus as much as Charles would like to deny it he does get awfully whiny when he is hungry. He’s come to accept that he is rather cat like, in fact it’s probably the reason Max loves him so much. 

“They’re cute” Max laughs, Charles actually looks rather adorable with the tiny little ears perched on top of his fluffy hair and his big beautiful eyes staring excitedly.

The Dutchman watches in fascination as his boyfriend sets the shopping bags down and then gets on to his hands and knees. 

“What are you…? “ Max’s words trail off and his brain short circuits momentarily as Charles starts slowly crawling towards him seductively, his movements almost cat-like in their elegance. 

“Don’t you want to pet me?” Charles teases as he climbs up on to his boyfriend’s lap and starts head butting and nuzzling against his neck. It’s meant to be a joke except Charles feels Max shift beneath him and realises his boyfriend is getting turned on. The Monegasque flicks out his tongue and laps up Max’s neck before going in with some smaller kitten licks.

“Charles” Max’s breath shudders out of him as he feels a warm tongue behind his ear, “I …” 

“You going to make me purr?” Charles coos. For a joke purchase the little headband is working wonders on Max, Charles is half inclined to go back and get the tail to match.

“Baby I …” Max groans as Charles grinds down against him, “You look good”

“You want to play with your kitty?” Charles’ heart pounds against his ribcage as he feels Max getting harder beneath him. The Dutchman is also breathing much heavier now, his ragged inhales and exhales making his chest swell over and over. 

“Yes” Max admits as he grips his hands into Charles’ waist. He’s got no idea why it’s turning him on so much but he’s chasing out Charles’ lips and kissing him desperately. 

Charles gives him what he wants at first. Kisses him back with just as much enthusiasm but as the Monegasque  pulls away and starts to tease Max gets to his feet and hauls Charles up in his arms - it's pretty much what he would do with any misbehaving cat, except he has rather different intentions towards this particularly kitty. 

Charles squeals as Max carries him through to the bedroom and places him down on the bed. The Monegasque lifts his hips and lets his boyfriend rip him out of his clothes, everything except for the headband of course. 

“You’re so pretty” Max hums as he strokes his hands over Charles’ body and smiles at how cute his boyfriend looks all rosy faced and with two little pointy cat ears. Charles mewls at the touch and pulls Max back down over him, this time nipping and nosing up his boyfriend’s neck as he gets impatient for more. 

Max laughs against him but gives up control almost instantly and starts to open Charles up, pressing his fingers into his boyfriend until he is stretched out nicely. It doesn’t really take too long, it’s offseason so they’ve been pretty much at it all hours of they day. Charles finds it a lot more fun to bottom when he knows he hasn’t got to jump straight in an F1 car afterwards. 

“Please - “ the Monegasque keens and starts pawing at his boyfriend once he’s ready, his little grabby hands reaching out over and over and trying to divert attention to where he wants it next. 

“My pretty little kitty” Max hums as he leans in and peppers Charles’ jaw with kisses. The Monegasque spreads his legs wide so Max can line up easily but as Max pushes in Charles hisses loudly. 

The initial stretch is worth it though and Charles’ hissing soon melts into happy little whimpers and whines as Max starts fucking him. It’s slow at first, gentle, almost reverent. Max’s hands skate over Charles’ body and stroke through his hair. 

As Charles gets more desperate he starts arching his back and scratching down his boyfriend’s body, his nails leaving red marks against the skin. Max seems to get the hint though, the Dutchman doing exactly as told and picking up the pace until they are both moaning against each other. 

Max mouths at Charles’ neck and thrusts deep inside him as he comes, the Dutchman groaning loudly and desperately reaching out to stroke Charles to orgasm second later. 

“Fuck, that was…” Max eases himself of out Charles and drops down on to the bed next to him, “Different. That was different” 

Charles can’t help but giggle, he thought his latest purchase would get him a round of laughter not Max heatedly ripping his clothes off of him. The Monegasque keeps his little ears on as he does the other very cat like thing he likes to do and curls his body around his boyfriend so they can take a little cat nap together. 

[biconickyoshi]

An avatar nonshipper for years, I once found myself having an extremely vivid and emotion-filled dream of Zuko and Aang being destined for each other. Never once in my years of being a fan have I considered a possibility of shipping them, ever, but my brain casually decided to rewrite its whole chemistry in one night.

My first thought was, what the hell did I get myself into. Will my closest friends accept me as a newly converted Zukaang shipper? Will I ever find a community of like-minded people who, too, received prophetic dreams one day? Am I doomed to be in, dare I say, a rareship pit for the rest of my life?

In the end though, I am glad to have found people who see what I saw when my eyes opened to all the possibilities for the first time. The mind is a tricky and fascinating thing. I just wanted to send this as a message of support for your incredible work! It's everything I could have ever dreamed of (which I did, ironically), soft and romantic, loving and warm. There might not be as many of us, but I can see that our fandom is dedicated. I hope to see more of your Zukaang vision, as well as more others who like them as much as we do <3

Aaaa thank you so much for sending this ask, anon!! And for taking the time to read my fic! :) I absolutely love this origin story for how you started shipping Zukaang haha, because yes, it sounds like the universe basically gifted you a prophetic dream!

It seems like a lot of us started out not even considering Zukaang as a ship. That was me until one random day in 2021, when I just had an epiphany and realized the sheer amount of potential the ship had if only they had been a bit closer in age during the events of the original show (though I do still ship Zukaang with their canon ages once they’re in their 20s - they have the same age gap as me and my husband).

It was a pretty big deal that I started shipping Zukaang honestly, because while it took me like 14 years to even consider them as a ship, they are now one of my all-time top OTPs, if not my favorite overall. Prior to this, I was always an avid Kataang shipper (and I still think they’re cute and I’m glad they ended up together), but I’ve literally never been this invested in a ship before, especially not a non-canon one. This is also the first ship I’ve ever written fanfiction for too, and it’s a long fanfiction that I have consistently worked on for months now. I’ve been in other fandoms and had other ships where my interest was very strong, but never this long-lasting.

I also empathize with worrying about what your closest friends will think of you being a Zukaang shipper - that’s me as well lol. I still haven’t told mine. Thankfully my husband is super chill about it and even helps proofread my chapters, so at least I have someone irl who I can gush to haha.

I’m so happy to hear you’ve enjoyed The Avatar and the Fire Prince so much - it has definitely been a labor of love, not just for the Zukaang ship, but for AtLA as a whole. It has given me the opportunity to truly dive into the world, characters, and lore and flesh them out in ways they couldn’t be in the original show. Plus, it’s just been a blast to write! :)

Thanks again for sending this ask anon! We’re happy to have you in the Zukaang fandom! ❤️

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

Sending love to one of the best writers on ao3 😘💕 I check your page frequently and wanted to ask about the things that you enjoy doing or aspire to do

Hi Anon, it's so sweet of you to send this ask to ask after me. Rest assured your words are appreciated on this end; thank you from the bottom of my heart and top of my soul 🫂 I'm very glad you think highly of my work even after so long, and I'm so so sorry I haven't had any new content in such a long time. But I am hard at work on a oneshot that will definitely be published before the next chapter of Samarra, so the well won't stay dry for long! The summary is “A jaded prison nurse must come to rely on a man she hates and fears in the midst of a deadly prison riot.” I started writing it in the ward; it's based off of the Moundsville Penitentiary which is an especially spooky place I've been to–an old 19th century prison made of towering stone turrets, eerie high ceilings, and rusted iron cells packed together like pigsties. I'm hoping to get that atmosphere across; it's about ⅔ of the way finished so good progress is being made!

Well I enjoy writing, most of all, but I've already talked about that in detail a thousand times so I'll spare you. I love reading, of course (I just finished “The Five”, about the victims of Jack the Ripper, and it's a fascinating bit of history and an incredible and horrifying look at Victorian-era industrial Britain). I love exploring the mountains with my cats trotting along beside me and photographing what I find. In all honesty I'm a bit of a trappist–I rarely see people except hunters and cashiers, and most of my time is spent alone with myself or my dad. But each day is an adventure when you're in nature and each season brings primordial and beautiful changes– I collected watercress the other day and found the downy remains of a fawn. 

I love watching old movies. My dad and I were watching Laurel and Hardy last night and I swear it holds up a century later. Before that we watched King Rat, which is one of his–and my–favorite movie; about two men stuck in a Japanese prison camp and the Machiavellian and underhanded ways they survive there. The book is particularly good too, and the epilogue about rats devouring each other has haunted my dreams for a long time. 

On the same subject, a series that I highly recommend is called Tenko, which is very similar to King Rat, except the prisoners are women. It's so grueling, realistic and enrapturing; I've never seen anything that so squarely focuses on women's experiences, relationships with each other, the hardships they face, and how they struggle to survive together in a thankless, deprived environment. The backstabbing and despair that comes in their darkest moments, the love and support in which they uplift each other with, their mistrustful and uneven relationships with their captors that occasionally erupt in friendships and affairs–and all the episodes are on dailymotion, too!

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x74u4fi

I like dreaming most of all. So many of my story ideas come from my dreams. The worst thing in the world is waking up and trying to catch the stray strands of the dream slipping through your fingers. It's amazing to live so many lives–good or bad–inside your head. Sometimes when I wake up, I feel a sweeping, palpable sense of relief that I don't live in the world I conjured last night, and sometimes I wish I could just claw myself back into my brain and live in that little pocket world for the rest of my life.

I do not aspire to much. I don't really have any base wishes but to keep writing and live til 70. We all have our hopeful fantasies, of course, and when I finally do get Ragnatela on Amazon Kindle (Microsoft Word is trying to swindle me out of one hundred and fifty American dollars to use their dogshit platform, and since the manuscript is half-edited, I'm afraid to lose my formatting if I switched to a free program like Libreoffice) maybe it will get some attention. 

I still intend on writing on Ao3 until the day I die, though. Even with its unsavory content I have such a soft spot for its unrestricted freedom of speech and prose. Plus I don't want to give up talking to you guys and goofing off in the comments ☹️ I also aspire to stop drinking. I'm sure I've already shaved a few years off my lifespan with my tippling habit. But when one day is much like the other, is there much point in extending it?

I aspire to travel around the United States more. I took a trip through the Deep South to visit Savannah and it was enrapturing; something I will remember for the rest of my life. Rusted-out cars felted in green moss, skinny, grazing horses in windswept fields, peeling roadside signs advertising tent revivals, clownish golliwogs behind still windows of cafes, forgotten tugboats half-sunken into lagoons, highway strip hotels where craggy hookers peered at you suspiciously from their fold-up chairs, and derelict cemeteries separated between Union and Confederate. It was just post-Irma and we were often the only tourists at any of these places. The effects of the hurricane were stark and obvious, with the land in a state of shock before any official agencies came to clean them up. I remember boats crashed into the harbor and grandfather trees felled in front of opulent antebellum homes, and the sea churned brown and murky when we trekked to the beach. The sense of desolation, and not only from the hurricane, was chilling–but I loved being there and loved being swathed by the kudzu and history. My mother is very ill and before she dies we might make up briefly and take a trip to New Orleans together and explore rural Louisiana; I'd always wanted to write a story set in New Orleans. Louisiana is a fascinating state with its mixture of Napoleonic and Creole influences; and I've always been drawn to the grand, decaying tombs of New Orleans as much as I have been to the odd Francophone swamps and their hidden dialects and traditions. And one day I would like to go way, way out west and explore the Gold Rush ghost towns. All the mines where I am are filled-in, so I would like to venture underneath the earth just once. 

Most of all, I aspire to be alone, and live by myself for the rest of my life, far away from town, somewhere in the mountains like where I am now. I wish I didn't have to see another person for the rest of my life. Being alone with myself is bad enough, being with others is intolerable.

Anyways, I apologize for my undue pleonasm, you caught me in a chatty mood 😀 Here's an excerpt from the newest prison one-shot:

Rhoda had met Jesse Fitzner her first day on the job. It was midway through her shift, and she was taking a lunch break and grading her sister Sherise's homework in her office. The day had started with a white-knuckle ride in early morning mist so thick she couldn't see the taillights of the car in front of her. Midway through her preliminary tour of the prison, an inmate had stuffed his toilet full of socks, which promptly overflowed and leaked sewage out of the cell onto her high heels. The hoots and jeers had made her speed up, trying to avoid the leering eyes of her future patients. And her introduction to the mental ward, by a younger but just as pessimistic Fawna, had not lifted her mood any either.

So there she sat in her office, snatching a moment of calmness and frantically scribbling corrections over Sherise's homework before her sister turned it in tomorrow. And then the door swung open.

A blond man poked his head in and briefly raised his eyebrows. He was wearing the omnipresent, drab gray prison uniform, pants and a sweatshirt rolled up to his elbows. "What are you up to?"

She flipped the cover of the notebook over.

"Going over my sister's homework. Is there something you need?"

"Passing on a message to Nurse Judson. One of the inmates wants to switch his blood pressure medication."

"Oh, she'll be back soon. I think she's–doing something with the prisoners. Just give her a few minutes."

"No hurry." He pulled the chair opposite her and sat down in it. "So you're grading your kid sister's homework? Shouldn't she be doing that herself?"

The man had thick blond hair that stuck up in back like a duck's tail, and very rosy cheeks. He looked like he had just shaven, by the nicks on his neck. 

"It's a long story. I should be–"

"I've got time. If this is your first day, you need to take some time to yourself to relax--else you'll end up in the infirmary."

Rhoda laughed. He had a nice smile and a nice manner about him–very jovial and friendly. It was refreshing to see a man who didn't stare at her like she was a piece of meat. "Well, my parents died when my brother and I were still young. Seth was seventeen, I was fifteen. He went to work so we didn't have to break up the family, and I stayed home to care for my little siblings, all three of them. It wasn't fun. I always wanted to do more for them than what I was stuck with, so I'm making sure they get good grades and go to good colleges. That's why I got this job in the first place, to put some back for their college funds."

"That's real decent of you. I don't know a single woman who would go so far for their family. You'd best be proud of yourself. Where's your brother now?"

"He's working out of state in Pennsylvania. He found a good woman and has a concrete contracting business now."

"You got yourself a man?"

"Never saw the need. Someday, maybe, when I'm lonelier."

"Working here for a few years will train that loneliness for a man right outta of you." 

They both laughed at that, and Rhoda felt her tensed muscles begin to relax. "I didn't catch your name."

"Jesse Lee Fitzner." He reached across the desk to grip her hand. For being such a small-built man, he had a crushing handshake.

"Rhoda Ames. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"I knew a few Ameses when I was on the outside. Where your folks from?"

"Beckworth, west of here."

"Oh, you're bullshitting me. I have folks from there too. You don't know a Harry Fitzner, do you?"

"Harry who used to run the car repair shop?"

"That's him! My uncle. He retired a few years ago. His lungs got to him. Too much time in the mines."

The door slammed open again. An elderly prison guard, who had greeted her rather abruptly upon her hiring and who had a hard and wrinkled face, was standing in the doorway. When he saw Jesse, his face grew harder. "What are you doing here, inmate?"

Jesse raised his hands, still not moving from where he was leaning back on the chair. "Just dropping off a message for Nurse Judson."

"Next time, leave the message with Nurse Ames and promptly return to your cell. There's no reason for you to be here actin' so friendly."

To Rhoda's mild disappointment, the guard grabbed Jesse by his arm and yanked him out, harder than he needed to. Before he was escorted out, Jesse tossed a glance over her shoulder and winked at her. "Rhoda, you're a young lady, and I'm a bit of a spring chicken myself. I think we would get along real well outside these walls."

Rhoda couldn't help the giggle that bubbled up from her throat. She felt lightheaded. She was a rangy and abrupt woman with a working tan, and hadn't much experience with men flirting with her.

When Jesse was marched out, Rhoda stood up and grabbed her peaked nurse's cap, girding her loins for the next shift on the ward. While she was counting medications, the elderly guard–Miles–came in again and shut the door behind him. She flinched, expecting a dressing-down on her first day of work. I wasn't fraternizing with the prisoner, was I? Am I… am I gonna lose my job?

He sat down opposite her. "You ever hear that tale 'bout the lady and the snake?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–"

"Old story; old, old story. One of them Aesop stories they wrote when people was still in togas and carved words in stone. A woman was walking home one day when she saw a frozen snake lying on the side of the road. It begged her to save its poor little self, this little creature of God. So taking pity on it, the woman brought it home and warmed it by the fire between her breasts. And as it thawed, it bit her breast. 'Oh, why would you do such a thing? Your poison will kill me,’ she wailed. And the snake smiled and said, 'You knew I was a snake before you brought me into your house.'"

Rhoda stared at him, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"You know what that fellow did to get in here? Fitzner was top dog in a motorcycle gang outside of prison. A real nasty one. He ordered a contract killing on a rival gang member. They snatched the poor fellow when he was leaving a bar. Hung him from a tree, broke his legs with doublejack hammers, used him as target practice with their sawed-offs, cut his dick off and shoved it in his mouth, then left and let him choke on it and bleed to death for the rest of the night. He was out, too, far out in the mountains, and they only found him weeks later when a hunter stumbled on him. One of the killers snitched on Fitzner in exchange for dropping a drug felony sentence he was staring at. That snitch went into hiding and changed his name. Two days after Fitzner was taken to this good penitentiary, he was found with his head beaten in, in a dry creek bed."

Rhoda's head began to spin in slow whirls. Her hand where Jesse had shaken it grew very clammy. She remembered his bright smile across the desk, his dark eyes, and felt bile and vomit churn in her throat.

"You both were talking for a while, I noticed. He's good at prising information out of people, Fitzner is. A boyish smile and a few good words and he can make both men and women melt like butter on yer tongue. See? Now he knows who you are, and where your folks live. Now he can get to you."

Rhoda tried to talk, but her tongue was paralyzed. She looked down and wiped her sweaty hands on her knees.

Miles got up and went over to the door. He looked out of the window set on top, and his hard face relaxed. He seemed much older in that moment, more wrinkled and exhausted.

"You'd best be careful of him, Nurse Ames. He's a bad 'un. I'll be glad to see the back of him."

As it turned out, Miles retired later that year and it was Jesse who saw the back of him. 

And Rhoda became very wary of him from then on. Whenever he saw her in the hall, in the chow line, in the infirmary, he smiled at her and tried to make small talk. She ignored him, or was curt with him.

Unfortunately, he seemed to take that as an invitation.

[mychlapci]

okay finally i can go off anon now that we're not being horny!!!!

you have no idea how much of a problem i am going to be for you >:]

right one of the characters i find to be infinitely fascinating in terms of how the fandom looks at them is rung. like for me, rung is a socially awkward aroace autistic. his reason for being in psychology/psychiatry beyond just wanting to understand himself (which is also a reason i think he's autistic bc one of the main symptoms is an inability to understand one's own emotions) is because he wants to make connections with other cybertronians without the social pressures of dating or interfacing.

i think the whole "primus has game" jokes are genuinely really funny because y'know he's literally god, but i do think that in a good ending of the lost light, where rung managed to survive and explore himself through the aspect of godhood, i think he'd find, with his memories restored, that loving other cybertronians on a romantic level is odd to him

he's got these vibes from those around him that this new knowledge, the knowledge that he is literally the being that so many of them prayed to in times of anguish, makes it difficult for them to interact with him in the same way as before. i do still think he'd have genuine connections with nautica, skids (because fuck canon he's living), and megatron.

those three in particular work so well on a platonic level with rung. megatron is someone who i think would find a lot of solace in discussing philosophy and ethics with literal god, also though the lens of the fact that i bet megatron has loads of religious trauma since the functionalists justified their actions through their worship of primus

nautica, being from caminus would also work really well with a newly godhooded rung. like caminus is a heavily religious society as well, arguably more religious than modern day cybertron and i think she and rung would discuss the science and perhaps some of the earlier days of rung's existence together.

and skids. well i can't really see skids seeing rung any differently. i think the two of them are in a queerplatonic relationship. they enjoy each other's company very much.

the idea of rung living to understand his godhood is something that's been bouncing around in my brain for a while because of one of my oc's.

to put it bluntly, this oc, malware, was a former guard of the senate, picked by alpha trion to serve and protect the prime's and their legacy. she's pretty old (roughly 7 million) and when nova prime left for the stars xey suffered a rather intense psychotic break that eventually devolved into her becoming entrapped in a very long series of delusions where primus himself was watching xeir every move.

she ended up betraying the senate and joining the decepticons, where xeir delusions eventually spiraled from primus watching her, to the literally embodiment of the decepticon cause controlling xem. she was friends with damus prior to the war (due to xeir studies of chemistry which he found interesting) and when the DJD got formed she ended up joining as the first helex.

TLDR; malware ends up defecting and starts having regular therapy sessions with rung, alongside a nice dose of antipsychotics. and when the war ends xey join the lost light.

and this leads me to the idea and concept of mecha who have been having therapy sessions with rung having to struggle with potential religious trauma from knowing that the guy who've been talking your religion problems over with is actual god himself. fucked up and evil

i don't think rung himself would really view himself as good interestingly enough. he's shown throughout the series to be a very shy and socially awkward individual, to the point that he can hardly believe the stories that rewind and chromedome tell him about his alternate universe self.

rung is such an interesting character to explore through the lens of having to know that he likely never got to fully understand himself and his backstory before dying and being essentially forgotten by everyone in his life.

it makes me sad to think about because i think rung, of all characters, should've gotten to see a new cybertron. imagine a version of the bad ending where rung, fully understanding his position as a god tries to steer his people towards a brighter future, one where he can help those who truly need it through therapy and proper medication

hopefully this doesn't sound like nonesense. i just love thinking about complex platonic relationships and as much as i'm a shipper, i wish i got to see more platonic rung with the other members of the lost light

just realised i don't gotta cap this off with my anon tag lmao

Rung... I don't think about Rung often enough. But to be honest, I don't necessarily ship Rung with anyone, and i am definitely very fond of imagining him in deep platonic relations with others. We know he's a bit unethical, hehe, making close friends with your patients probably isn't advised, so I really like that edge about him. I always saw him as a bit of a bleeding heart of sorts. He'll go beyond standard procedure to help out his patients...

I mean, religion in transformers has always been kind of iffy, but it's okay we can fix that. The fact that Rung's godhood has not been discussed more is kind of a crime. I would have loved to see people interact with him knowing he's Primus. Maybe some, who have really been hurt by religion, struggle to separate Rung from the religion that caused them trauma - i mean, Rung had nothing to do with that, but it's difficult to think about Primus, who, if we assume they view him the same way we view god, should be almighty and all-seeing and know that he'd done nothing.

love that you snuck in your OC. we are being self-indulgent in this house today‼️it is very curious to think about someone with such a deep, horrible issue with Primus and godhood and finding out that the therapist that helped her out was god himself. I mean, what's that mean for someone whose greatest fear for so long was the thought of god watching their every move... (sorry if i'm butchering OC lore, i'm just rambling on along bc i don't wanna read my philosophy assignment for today)

I honestly could never really gleam Rung's relationship with Cyberton properly, but it would be so interesting if he took a leading role in making it better. I feel like everyone who went with the Lost Light kind of... "ran away" though, y'know, in search of something brighter than the ruined, dead Cybertron they've left behind. Finding out he's Primus, Rung might feel a sense of duty and responsibility to come back and help out...

[kissporsche]

When did Vegas realize that he wanted to have sex with Pete? Was it during the moment when he said - But you like me when I am like this (basically during that time when they did it). Or was it even earlier but he didn't want to force himself on Pete?

HEY ANON it's been a hell of a busy few weeks for me sorry for leaving you hanging <333

VegasPete and sexual/emotional desire is one of those topics where my brain just goes to static if I think about it too long but i'll try work out some THOUGHTS

I think with Vegas it's kind of both of your suggestions? Vegas and Pete would have been aware of each other for years, and there’s no doubt to me that they have taken some notice of each other during that time. Vegas, for his part, definitely keeps the equivalent of a list of main family bodyguards, ranked by how easy they could be seduced (literally or otherwise) into being traitors. I feel like Pete has always been low on the list because of his strong loyalty to the main family, and for that reason Vegas overlooks him, regardless of how attractive he might be.

Because in the show we really only see Vegas use sex as a tool for manipulation and intimidation. With Tawan, sex is part of the sham relationship, and when he's tasked with finding out about Porsche he immediately uses his charisma, eventually romantic and sexual advances, to do so. So Vegas is very well aware of his own sex appeal and how it can be used to further his/the minor family's aims.

All of his interactions with Pete up until episode 10 come from this place. He teases Pete and gets a kick out of seeing his reactions to him, and some of these teases are sexual, like leaving his monster condoms for his magnum dong in the car. However, I don't think there's much more behind it than that, because sex and desire for the sake of it don't really factor into Vegas's life. If he is having sex just for fun, we know it's left him feeling like a freak for wanting what he wants, so clearly it's not been fulfilling to say the least.

For what it's worth, I think Vegas starts really noticing Pete after the torture scene in episode 7, and that leads into his advances in the temple in response to seeing that little bit of darkness there. This again leads into episode 10, because while Vegas isn't really seeing Pete as a person, he is becoming more and more fascinated by him. Pete messing up his plans gives Vegas the opportunity to really indulge in this growing curiosity he has with Pete, he's seen the edges of his mask and sets to tearing them up to see what's really underneath, where before he'd only poked and prodded.

The fact that Vegas equates sexual advances alongside physical torture and emotional threats in that scene also makes me think these parts of his life are all coming from a similar place, sex has become a tool to do his job rather than true desire.

There is lust there, but until they have the experience in the safehouse I don't think sleeping together would have lead to the same place for them, or at least not without a lot of extra steps. After Vegas tries and fails to break Pete, after bonding over shared trauma and patching up his wounds, seeing his fire and defiance, letting him in to see his own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Crying with him, eating with him, bickering with him, grieving with him. They could not have achieved the same stratospheric levels of emotional and physical intensity that they ended up doing without all that as build up. Because it's all that that lead to Pete truly seeing Vegas, and Vegas thinking he truly sees Pete.

So I think Vegas went from seeing Pete as cute, but too loyal to bother with -> fun to tease, but not going to invest his time into seducing -> an intriguing puzzle he wants to unravel -> the only one who really sees him

So that's why I say both your options can be true at once, Vegas would have slept with Pete earlier but it would have been for different reasons- to potentially get info on the main family, as a challenge or to figure him out. At the safe house, he wants to sleep with Pete, because he is Vegas, and because Pete is Pete.

And even then, the final nail in the coffin for Vegas was not actually sleeping with Pete, it was the smile afterwards. He doesn't make him feel like a freak, like his tastes are either something to begrudgingly put up with, or to be put to one side unless they can be used like a tool. Being with Pete and having Pete (the 100% true, maskless Pete: fearless and defiant and not afraid of or disgusted by him) smile at him afterwards, beatific, validates his true desires for exactly what they are, no caveats, and mirrors them back to him. Something it's clear Vegas hasn't had before and, from his surprise at being kissed, something he didn't truly expect from Pete. Seeing his wants not only reciprocated but desired in return.

That is when Vegas falls in love.

[webbo0]

It's a shame that Stay didn't get more a fandom. What do you love about Henry? I wanna know your thoughts because he absolutely is a special little guy. 🥺

First of all anon thank you for letting me talk about my little guy I'm in love with you now

Spoilers for Stay 2005 in reply below btw

I'll admit it's a lot of projection (mental iwness luv) but also look at him!! I'd dare say this is Ryan Gosling's most wet-cat role (besides Holland March but he's undefeatable). I just love a character in anguish and both him throughout the movie plus him at the end just hurt so good!

I think what captures me the most is the world he's created for himself. The whole movie we think we're seeing Sam's perspective but in reality we know next to nothing about him! Everything is a projection that Henry's come up with and that fascinates me! His own mind is trying so desperately to save himself but a deeper part knows it's useless but still his main perspective is to save himself and UGHHH

ALSO while you could say him being suicidal is a "rationalization" for dying, his mind could just as easily made him terminally ill, or able to predict a freak accident. The fact his mind comes up with being suicidal, combined with the cigarette burns, just makes me wonder about is mental state IRL. We know he has a good relationship with his parents and is in a happy relationship, but imo he must've had a history of mental illness/self destructive thoughts if not actively struggling. Idk I just want a He Survived AU where we get to unpack this! And unpack the survivors guilt!!! He obviously blames himself for the accident + everyone dying ("practicing for hell" "I killed my parents" etc.) And I Wish we could see him have to work past that. Maybe with Sam's help!! Because even though he's not an actual psychiatrist (at least I don't think so) in my He Survives AU Sam helps him while he recovers both physically and emotionally. I'd LOVE to see Henry's dynamic with IRL Sam and have to reconcile the version his mind made up with how he actually is!

Also he's hot af miserable and covered in blood

In conclusion I love self destructive people, wet-cat characters, and I have Ryan Gosling brain-rot already, so the combination of all three has imploded my mind. I am in a chokehold by a character that would listen to Radiohead and think it's deep as fuck

Now if only there was any content about Stay :( I need a 600 page novel about him (I might just write it myself atp)

[cassiartblog]

Also uhhh I’m the anon who spoke about Graz’zt, Belial and who doesn’t shut up about Neverwinter Nights. My brain’s like super mega fixed on Baator , devils and archfiends atm (less so the Abyss even though I find Graz’zt interesting with his relationship with Tasha)

Hi :D

I love it so much that I'm not the only one who is super fixated on the nine hells atm! And I'm always happy to see another question in my ask box :D

Baator is so an interesting place, I try to learn everything interesting about it. And your questions really got me thinking. Atm I am working on my own interpretation of Belial and draw it, I hope i will finish it soon (as long as I don't draw Mephi instead again lmao)

I'm also working on Asmo, Levistus and soon Dispater.

Oh and the tip with neverwinter nights was awesome! I have the game now (but I'm still at the beginning, still didn't finish Bg3) and I listen to the Mephistopheles lines on YouTube often. His voice is very good and how he developers in the game and with the choices you make is awesome. Some lines really got me laughing. Poor Mephi.

And Graz'zt... Tbh the only demon I find interesting atm but I'm not deep into abyss lore, is a very interesting character as well. And Abyssal Tieflings are fascinating too. I love their design.

So don't hesitate to ask me whenever you have a new thought, you really gave me a few good ideas :D

Thank you for your questions so far and I wish you a hellish good day and rest-weekend, greetings from Cania XD

[princelylove]

I am back from work!

The way you answer requests is unique and so entertaining, each answer seems to have real thought put into it. Your highness is so regal it makes me giddy to put in asks to be answered by you because you really put the effort into answering each with such precision, not skipping over details, and it’s much appreciated.

Your writing seems biblical because it details the shortcomings of man is such a poetic way. In such a human way. But also each is displayed in representation of the greater whole of that person. Bruno doesn’t just do something bad and that’s that, he deliberates, he might scold himself. And especially he becomes the judge, the jury, and the executioner of himself and many others actions.

And yes I do suffer from favoritism :,) I really can’t help it. I feel like mental health wise it would be better to be able to chill with Mista. He’s funny, and witty, and protective! And we can watch movies and go to the beach and have good times! But my heart CRAVES bruno. He’s sat like an unmoving stone in my heart for years. I try to leave him and I just. can’t. I relate to him on a lot of levels with growing up, but it seems trauma went the same and opposite with how we ended up haha. I love how mature Bruno is, and how he cares for people. And I love his haircut SO much haha. I love Bruno so so much but I stress with him that his ability for romance is. lacking. I like Mista’s teasing and that he’s very open, he’s like ‘boyfriend’. While Bruno, bruno is ‘husband’.

Imma stop there before I rant about them forever. Back to it. I hope the giant bruise heals up soon and the pain goes away!! Don’t forget to eat lots of tasty foods you like!!! Eating tasty food will help you feel better!!! A bit of ice cream while recovering ain’t ever hurt nobody!!! Hope you get well soon ♥️♥️

- ⭐️ anon

"Regal." I could just eat you. I like you, star anon. You should frequent my inbox more often.

Humans are so adorable. Their nature fascinates me. I generally like to treat those I write for as if they're alive and the love of someone's life, I think I've said that before, though. Psychology is fascinating in general, you're telling me that there's millions and billions and trillions of people out there and absolutely none of us are entirely identical in nature? So cute. So interesting.

This is a little mentally ill of me but my crushes on fictional characters are a bit serious. I'm so genuinely charmed by them that I take out of character fiction of them as offensive. I'd like to think that I'm doing those I write for justice, they're not just a piece of meat I dangle in front of my readers, they're a real person with habits, oddities, etc. Real humans aren't flat. They have thoughts that don't always match their feelings. Feelings that don't match their actions. Actions that don't match their wants and needs. Sometimes characters are less complex, and writing them differently ruins their character. Writing Bruno as some sort of mastermind is just. Wrong. He's of average intelligence and had good intentions, he values being honest. Not everyone has a thousand layers, but everyone is a human being with a heart and a brain and feelings.

To err is human, yanderes are not without faults. Bruno has many shortcomings, because he's just a man. A man in love, but still just a man. There's some who I'd argue are too ethereal for such a claim; Giorno, Kars, DIO, etc; but they're human too. (Not Kars, but shh)

There's always Something that makes them not as perfect as they present themselves, and that's what makes them interesting. Your efforts to escape were futile even though you could've gotten out. I have an ask related to this in my inbox right now so I'll elaborate on this later, but it's a part of my tangent, so bear with me.

I'm not trying to balance out overpowered characters by giving them more faults, I'm just trying to be a bit realistic about it, as that's a thousand times more frightening. Someone like Bruno really exists. And that's scary!

I've never been in love with someone similar to myself, not even with fictional crushes. When I see someone similar to myself I go "Ah." and shift my focus elsewhere. Prissy types just aren't attractive to me, I'd like someone I fall in love with to balance out what I have. My crushes are fairly consistent in that. When I see someone with the same type of trauma I just suck my teeth. Bruno's trauma is one I don't wish on anyone- adultification is a killer.

But I digress.

You probably have long since forgotten that Guido is a mafioso, and horribly, horribly obsessive. He's a bit brutish, but he doesn't like to play leader, so it's easy to think of him as not as bad as the rest of them. But he is! Guido has beaten people within an inch of their life, and taken more than a few. He may be silly, and more casual than the rest of them, but he doesn't play about what's significant to him.

Guido is more 'boyfriend' than husband because he doesn't skip any steps. He loves the details, the romantics of it all. Bruno jumps to the loving family dynamic the second he sees you. He isn't delusional (in this specific topic), he knows you don't have a ring yet, but fiance is close to spouse, isn't it?

He just doesn't like being as serious as Bruno is. He's acting his age. It breaks his heart when you force him to bring you back home, or when you hurt yourself and he's gotta play doctor. (He means ask Giorno to play doctor, he's squeamish when it comes to you in pain) Of course he doesn't like to discipline you or reign you back in. You're gonna think he's a dick and dump him!

[shrimpmandan]

don’t answer if ur not comfortable but how do u differentiate truly having a harmful paraphilia from intrusive thoughts abt it? im someone who has intrusive thoughts abt 2 out of the big 3 as well as other sexual things that can’t be done morally and i often stress that that means i am a paraphile (ik that’s a broad term but i don’t like specifying which ones yknow).

to my understanding, non offending big 3 paraphiles experience with their attraction seems similar to intrusive thoughts because they cause distress and such, so i guess im wondering abt where the distinction lies? i also find the psychological aspects of sex and sexuality interesting in their own right so beyond my own concern i’d be interested to learn cuz it’s just really fascinating

thanks dude!! :)

No worries at all anon! This is a HUGE SpIn of mine and I'm always happy to provide any perspective, even if I'm not a professional and all that.

The biggest distinguishing factor between an intrusive thought and a regular thought is if it's voluntary, and if the thought is welcomed or wanted. Intrusive thoughts are out of your control and often incite feelings of revulsion, disgust, discomfort, fear, anxiety, or rejection. They are thoughts that you want OUT of your brain as soon as possible. When you talk about paraphilias, the waters can muddy a little.

Paraphilias do not necessitate that the thoughts are unwanted. This may be true of paraphilic disorders, wherein the patient experiences clinically significant distress over their paraphilia (this doesn't necessarily refer to one of the big three!), but it's not inherent. A lot of paraphilic fantasy rejection can come from internalized shame due to outside social stigma and personal morality... but so can intrusive thoughts. There's no clear cut distinction between the two due to how much influence society has over our thoughts and how we respond to them, HOWEVER, you may want to consider looking into something like POCD.

POCD, while not an officially recognized diagnosis, is a subset of OCD that specifically centers around pedophilia. There exists also ZOCD (zoophilia OCD) and NOCD (necrophilia OCD), however POCD is by far the most well-researched out of these. POCD involves obsessive and/or compulsive behaviors regarding proving or disproving if one is a pedophile, such as through intentionally exposing themselves to distressing imagery on purpose or engaging with intrusive thoughts related to children. More often than not, people with POCD don't end up having any paraphilic attractions at all-- they are worried about the concept of being a pedophile and if they'll enact tangible harm, not grappling with actual attraction.

I've struggled with POCD for some time now, but I'm fairly confident in that I don't have any attraction to IRL children. The extent to which I'll engage with my thoughts is in fiction, and even then, it's more of a curiosity as opposed to something that's a consistent turn-on-- which is in direct contrast to my other paraphilias which are much stronger and carry with them less internalized shame, and more externalized fear over being harassed, abandoned, and/or doxxed. I don't experience fear over IF I'll offend, because I'm confident that I won't under my own circumstances. But this is something that can vary from person to person.

Some potentially helpful further reading:

r/OCD also may be potentially helpful! Plenty of people on there have talked about experiencing zoophilic, necrophilic, or pedophilic OCD. Just type one of those words into the search bar and you'll probably find someone who's going through the same thing.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Hi I found another new detail to pick your brain over :)

In Piercings you show two versions of the same image. One is simply how Hunter looks to everyone else. The colours are flat and how they always have been. But the second has blues and purples pulsating around his head, which matches how his technology works in his understanding of pain.

What interests me is that in the second image Hunters hair is kind of inverted? Like the dark green of it all is still the same, but the blue and orange have been swapped for a bright yellow and electric blue, respectively. This absolutely fascinates me because there's so many possibilities with this. Does his hair change colour (to Hunter) based on what he's feeling? That would explain why the alternate blue looks similar to the lines surrounding him. Or does he have some kind of colour blindness and thought he was picking different dyes when he did his hair? I am very normal over this if you can't tell(<- me when I lie)

- ⌚anon

ah more detail finding! Love it :D

So Hunter's been dyeing his hair since he was a teenager, long before he got the implant. He's more attached to his hair color now than ever, because while everyone he sees has some kind of neutral color that changes with their feelings, when he looks for his own color, there's nothing there

(which is just a feature of the implant: since it's sourced from the user, it doesn't register the 'neutrals' on the user, but Hunter doesn't know that so he just assumes it's because it's him)

What Hunter sees that "comes from him" usually manifests in patterns he can see around him, or things covering his body. Even with very "visible" things like pain, it's more like the colors are hovering over him/in front of him/overwhelming him from the inside out.

That being said, the brighter hair is a result of the implant, but it's less "the colors are tied to his pain" and more "he's in a state of shock when someone makes him look in the mirror and this manifests in some colors in his immediate vicinity becoming almost painful to look at" :)

(hope this makes some kind of sense 😭 describing implant effects and how it works in a way that's linear and sensible is actually Really Hard lol)

[elderflowergin]

Hey hey! I don't know if can articulate it as well as you. But, My Dearest has endeared me to him quite a bit(a lot). I am in the rabbit hole at this point, currently on episode 12 of Hot Stove League, and it is so weird to see him so demure(?) compared to his other roles where he does use his full body quite a lot to express himself. Here, he gets shoved around and startled, and it's a far cry from the sword wielding warrior he is in My Dearest. But he does it so well, I kinda want to cradle his face in my hands and until he sees himself the way I see him, which is 😍😍( when he held a baby for the first time). I also stopped One Dollar Lawyer for similar reasons and The Veil. However, I did spend some time on Falsify(a hidden gem, truly). Him and Oh Junge Se are brothers, journalists, and it delves into the world of journalism and the responsibility of media in shaping public opinion etc, I haven't finished but he's so good at, I don't what to call him, to put it simply, a man who is angry at what has been 'done' to his brother and by extension him. By the way, any hopes or expectations for the 2nd part of My Dearest, for the characters and the story? I kinda don't want to create any illusions of what is to come, and just enjoy the story for it is but ahh, the situation looks so dire. Thanks for welcoming me into your inbox.

Hi again Anon! I completely get you. I loved how different he was in Hot Stove League - it’s such a restrained performance. The character of Baek Seung-soo is interesting to me because he feels like a cold and distant person when you see him, and you realise how principled and generous he is only through his actions. It’s a challenge for any actor, and I love that he did it well and was such a good foil for both Park Eun-bin and Oh Jung-se. I don’t wish to cradle his face (I’m afraid I’d break it) but I did want to put him in my pocket and carry him everywhere.

Sadly Falsify doesn’t seem to be on any of my services, so I will have to wait until the coming Namgoong Minaissance encourages someone to carry it. I didn’t check it out so I didn’t know he plays Oh Jung-se’s brother, which is fascinating to me since I loved their arc in Hot Stove League. Thank you for telling me more about this show!

As for Namgoong Min in My Dearest: he is so expressive and I absolutely love that about watching him.

I could go on and on (and I will!) but I’ll talk about one scene in particular: the one where he carries Ahn Eun-jin across the riverbed which rewired my brain. She’s being carried by him, which must be a novel sensation, since she’s alive to his body in a way the other girls were not. She sees the perspiration on his face, and you can see how it makes her feel, how she’s overwhelmed by — not handsomeness, really, but pure attraction and want. She’s almost entranced, and she touches his face, his sweat, which is, yes, gross, but deeply intimate, like blood. And he notices; how can he not when she touches his temple? He could probably feel her gaze from a mile away, let alone a physical touch. And so he turns and looks at her, and that face says so much, reflecting so much possession, want and banked desire.

Both actors are so subtle and wonderful, and yet convey the undeniable attraction between the characters. For two people who talk nonstop at each other and deny their feelings throughout it all, their true feelings reveal themselves with surprising ease in other ways. I love that so much.)

As for season 2: I didn’t like how their arc ended at the last episode of part 1, but I don’t think it was inconsistent with Jang Hyeon’s character or bad writing necessarily. I’m ultimately glad Gil-Chae stayed with her family. I hope Gil-chae and Ryang Eum become besties. I hope Gil-chae continues to be the successful businesswoman that she is. I hope her friends remain by her side. I think Jang Hyeon has a lot of work and growing up to do. I get that the storyline needs them back together, so for what it’s worth I hope he grovels and begs and is a repentant, changed man when he returns to her.

(I understand that this isn’t a prevalent opinion about them as a couple, and I’m fine with that! I also get that all of this is unlikely to happen, so I’m not resting my hopes on it :’().

Thank you Anon for letting me go on and on about this. Happy watching Namgoong Min and I hope Oct 13th gets here soon! ❤️

[sillyandquiteawkward]

ME AGAIN ! GUY WHO LIKES YOUR OCS ! (apparently this didn't send before but thankfully I saved it beforehand !)

Okay So I really really like Bailey and his siblings because they're literally SO bad coping mechanisms core. Like damn therapy wasn't kidding that Child Abuse really Can leave you altered for the rest of your life !

Ignatius is Fawn, due to having had to have adapted into a role of a peacekeeper for people in the house not to fucking bite each other, but also because I can really see him trying to sympathize with everyone around him in an attempt to make himself more approachable, more demure, smaller even, so that no one is mean to him. He wants things to be "normal" Soooo Bad he can't stand the fact people won't just talk to each other despite it feeling like the most logical option [<- Bro cannot accept the circumstances of a much more complicated relationship between his siblings than he originally fathomed !]

Bailey is Flight to me, because much like Octavia points out in that one comic you made innnnn 2022 (? I TINK !), instead of actually solving the issues that bother him head on and face the consequences of doing so, he'd rather walk around them a billion different ways and pretend to be busy and avoidant and Cool because dealing with actual conflict is SCARY !!!!!!! Call this guy "Mask of my own face" by Lemon Demon the way he has never once in his life felt the full extent of his emotions due to an underlying self imposed expectation to be this untouchable being who's always right and never actually has to have a heart to heart with anyone <3. I just think its interesting how you write Bailey to be this all-logic-no-play person, while also giving him the feeling that all of this is an act waiting to fall apart, and that he does not in fact Know A Damn Thing. He's the world's dumbest smart man I wish I could throw him in a well <- loving

And Octavia, of course, is Fight, but not JUST because she's exceedingly aggressive in order to cover up her own insecurities and fear of not being her an actual individual ! There's so much more to her and I'm FASCINATED frankly. She lives in a shadow of someone who has never had much regard for her accomplishments, and now she wants SO BAD to prove that "NO, YOU WERE WRONG, I AM SO GOOD AT THIS AND SO SUCCESSFUL" that she ends up losing her personality along the way. She's so focused on the achievements she has gotten, the fights she has won, the struggle SHE ALONE overcame, that she forgets that she's like... a person. Octavia has been on self defense mode for so long that she's forgotten HOW to take off all that armour, and now she's just stuck under hundreds of pounds of metal waiting for that one final thing that's going to make her happy. I just need to work a little harder ! I just need to do this better ! I just need a little more time to work on this and then I can rest ! I am good ! I am good ! She shouts. And then, when she FINALLY gets that score, that perfect track record, she's like "Great ! This proves me my worth and that I am in fact Good !...Now what". It's never enough and it has never been enough but fucking dammit she will prove it to herself to her mom and to her shitass lazy siblings that NO I AM GOOD. I JUST NEED TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD. IM DOING GOOD BECAUSE I WORK HARD. She's normal ♡ [I love her so bad but PLEASE give her mood stabilizers]

Hoohhg this ended up longer than I imagined but anyway. Tldr, Im Bailey I'm Iggy and Im Octavia the MENTAL ILLNESS siblings <3

(Long essay anon here again sorry) I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR OCS CONSTANLTY IM SO SORRY. They came into my house (brain) one day and they haven't left so now I'm conducting experiments on them. They're so cool and I really want you to know that they are. 50 ttrillion dollars for yiu

------

i literally love this soooo much please always feel free to have thoughts about my ocs ANYTIME! your thoughts about the bayleys are SO RIGHT. the mental illness siblings realness 😔 hehehehehe i think its really interesting that they ended up showing off the fight/flight/fawn responses. its not something i entirely planned for them, but its accurate. i especially enjoy the thoughts on bayley's flight response, it really is interesting how hes a master at avoiding things.

some doodles on your thoughts and what i thought would be silly in response. <3 bc i live for this stuff and it makes my day to read things like this, let alone on my own characters (sobbing crying <3<3)