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habken · 3 months

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Izuku and Katsuki Hospital Comic - Thoughts and Process

I wanted to talk about the process and my thoughts while making this comic! Cause it was A Lot of planning and I feel like talking about how I went about it could maybe be helpful for other people who wanna make comics too ?

Also I just like talking and I've had So Many thoughts about it over the last few months, I just need to get them all out lol

everything is under the cut (it's Very Long) ↓↓↓

Initial Thoughts

I started planning the comic in January, around the time the chapter with the second user's plan to transfer ofa to shigaraki came out. I remember feeling so anxious and sad seeing how devastated Deku was to lose the 'gift' that All Might had passed to him :'((

It made me start thinking about what it would be like to not only go from having all this insane power at your fingertips back to nothing, but also how it would feel to lose the vestiges, which had been his advisers, yapping in his ear and keeping him company for months. How it would feel to go from constantly having people looking over your shoulder back to silence.

Then I thought about what that would mean for his and Bakugou's relationship, which has developed so much over the series. How Bakugou would feel about Deku no longer having ofa, how the two of them would wrestle with old feelings now that Deku would be quirkless again. Bakugou having to face the kid he bullied and Deku going back to a state where the world saw him as "useless" with dreams too big for somebody without a quirk.

I feel like sometimes it's not really taken into account how Deku's past affects him in the present, and that goes for in the actual series as well. Considering he's the main character, it's funny that we never really get too much of a peak inside his mind lol, especially not recently, which is most likely intentional, but I digress.

What I really wanted to do for this comic was circle back to Deku's question to All Might at the start of the series, "can I become a hero without a quirk" because while yes, deku can be a hero, he had to get a quirk to do so. So what happens now that he no longer has it? After all of Bakugou and Deku's development, would Bakugou's opinion on deku pursuing his dreams while quirkless change?

I really didn't want that answer to be no. I didn't want to believe that Deku would have to give up and "be realistic" again, it just didn't feel right for that to be the answer after 400 chapters.

So I wanted to make something that would encapsulate those thoughts! And I felt like the best way to fully get that out was through a scene in the aftermath of the battle, the two of them in the hospital with nothing to do but talk about their feelings.

It was important to me that the doubts they both felt about the future were stomped out, and for there to be reassurance that things between them wouldn't snap back to how it was before UA. That Deku could still reach his dreams even if they did become harder to obtain.

I also felt like narratively it would be a good parallel if Bakugou were to lose something tied to his power too, and with his arm being so bad off in canon, I thought it made sense that there was a chance he could lose it forever.

So it's like they're both coming out of the final battle worse off with huge losses, but no matter what, they're going to fight to achieve their dreams, and they're going to do it side by side :')

At its core, it’s very self indulgent lmao, I didn’t think that we’d get something that sappy and gross in canon (😳) so I wanted to make something for myself :')

Planning

So then I made a first draft!

When I’m making bigger comics, thumbnails are super helpful! They help me see the full picture of what it could look like, and let me change things without putting in too much commitment. So most of the drawings are loose, but occasionally I’ll put in a little extra detail into things that I want to make sure are included in the final work.

There’s three main things I consider when thumbnailing for comics; expression, composition, and dialogue. Each of these things have a huge influence on each other, so keeping them all in mind when roughing out your drawings is important!

How it usually works is I play out the scene in my head like a movie and roughly come up with dialogue, then I draw characters and expressions based on that dialogue and the visions I had. Simultaneously I plan out approximately where those drawings will go/how much space they'll take up and finally, I add in the dialogue and move things around as needed so everything fits nice together.

Having the dialogue there in the draft lets me know around how big the speech bubbles are gonna be which is a massive help when figuring out paneling. It lets me plan around the bubbles and make sure nothing is too squished!

General tips:

Something I learnt from storyboarding is that establishing a setting for your scene at the start is really important! Most of my comics will start with a long shot or include one early on for this reason. It’s good for making sure readers aren’t confused on where everything is taking place!

Having a variety of shots is good for keeping your story engaging! This comic has a lot of closeups, but I tried to add variety where I could and used a lot of different angles to keep things entertaining even if there isn't that much going on

Final thoughts on this draft:

At this stage, the ending was really different from the final version I ended up with. It was a lot more focused on Bakugou's losses too and the vibe was kinda "well we're both nerfed now but that's chill we can still be heroes." I axed most of that cause I thought it was dumb and wasn’t really the conclusion I wanted lol

After the rough draft, I started sketching everything out and adding in panels based on the composition from the og thumbnails. I also changed the dialogue as I went, focusing on making it sound more natural and easy to read.

This is where the nuances in movement and expression became a bit more refined and speech bubbles where better planned out.

At this stage, establishing clarity and imagining how readers are going to move their eye along the page is really important. Comics are generally read left to right, but you can’t just assume people are going to automatically read it in the order you want, which is why panels and speech bubble locations are so important.

Tips:

A general rule is that along with going from left to right, speech bubbles should be in descending order. This can be broken a bit, but it’s important to remember that the rule is there in the first place for clarity's sake. So if you do plan on breaking it, make sure it's not at the sacrifice of legibility. The human eye is lazy and will jump to whatever seems most logical, so planning things out in a confusing manner is going to make your comic hard to read!

This is another thing I picked up from storyboarding, but keeping in mind the 180° rule is good for clarity as well! In the simplest of terms, if you have two characters in a scene, it’s good to keep character A on one side and character B on the other, and not switch those sides willy-nilly, otherwise it can get confusing. This isn't as important in comics as it is in film/television, but I still like keeping it in mind.

Final thoughts:

I hated the original ending but I couldn't exactly figure out how I wanted it to go, and I was too busy at that point to dedicate the time I needed towards it, so it stayed as these four panels for while :’)

During the period I stopped working on it, Deku lost his arms which had me panicking lmao, so much of the comic was devoted to his emotions and body language, specifically in his hands. I just went "am I gonna have to redo everything? Do I give him prosthetics?" and I was fully ready to rework the entire thing but Eri came in clutch for Deku (and me) <3

After Deku started getting hurt, I didn't really like the idea of him being discharged and sitting with a still injured Katsuki, and wanted it to be clear that they were both still in the hospital, so I had to axe poor Deku's "hospital gown" shirt for actual hospital garb </3

At some point during april-ish, I finally added in a new beginning and end, which took the comic from four pages to seven. I felt like the new parts added a lot more levity and humour which were needed, and I think it helped make Izuku and Katsuki feel closer than before.

For these pages, I skipped the thumbnail stage and jumped straight into full page stuff, which felt easier because they were kind of just add-ons.

Something I specifically liked were the first two panels in the last page. Fun fact, but a few days after I sketched those out, horikoshi released that art of to two of them smiling together and I went !! That's the vibe I wanted !! Me and Horikoshi are on the same wavelength! That was a good day lmao.

At this point, though, while new parts added a lot more to the story and brought it closer to the vibe I wanted, they also messed with the tone and overall pacing and it ended up feeling really off. Deku was now doing this weird 180 from being super sad and upset to then immediately joking around and goofing off with no acknowledgement of anything Katsuki was saying, which had been fine enough when it was just 4 panels, but very off-putting once I made the comic longer

...So I decided to add even more panels :')

I went back to my original ideas, and part of what I wanted to get across originally was the doubts about Izuku's future from here on out, and the worry that things would go back to how they were before he got ofa. I realized those initial things which had fueled the comic were no longer really part of it, and I wanted to change that.

When I thought up the idea of visuals surrounding their middle school selves, I felt so smart LMAO. I think it ended up being the thing that brought the entire comic together.

Izuku reverting back to that anxious, unconfident state, spiralling into himself, and mumbling out all his insecurities, including his fears about losing Katsuki's friendship (and yet still somehow more worried about Katsuki's feelings than his own). And in turn, Katsuki remembering and seeing Izuku as that kid again, and his own fears of becoming a bully once more.

It better explored what I wanted to originally get across and delved more into their feelings, so that the jokes and levity at the end felt like they were earned, rather than being a rapid shift in tone.

(The only other thing that changed was the some of the panels in the first page. I changed up the speech bubbles and got rid of a panel so it would be less cramped and easier to read.)

At this point, I was still having trouble figuring out how to tie everything in and segway pages 6-7 into the ending organically, so it sat like this for around a month.

Then chapter 423 released and the battle was over and I realized how little time I actually had to get the comic out. I knew that the next chapter could possibly make my entire comic obsolete, so I hauled ass :D

These were the final plans before I cleaned everything up! I changed around some of the panels to make the story flow better, I figured out how to tie everything in, and I finalized the dialogue!

At this point all the panelling was redone because I wanted more space in between them. Before, it felt really cramped and I think adding in more breathing room made it feel slightly less overwhelming for readers.

The biggest changes from the previous draft:

First, obviously, I finished the middle school stuff and figured out how to get from one part to the next. This was the hardest part of the planning, but I ended up deciding that Deku would spiral, Bakugou would kind of bring him out of that, they'd hug and then Bakugou would reassure him. I also included motifs relating to their childhood to be reminiscent of The Apology, and Katsuki's thoughts going back to them sharing the special All Might cards, them at the lake, etc. As if this was another healing moment for each part of them; their current selves, their MS selves, and their childhood selves too

I then changed some of the panels in the first page. I switched the direction of the diagonal line in the first few panels because I thought it made it more clear which way to start reading and made the comic flow better.

In the fourth page, I added a panel after Deku starts crying, because I felt like it worked better with the dialogue, and brought in more of Katsuki's POV into the story

The sixth page doesn't really look different, but there was a lot of resizing going on panel-wise. The bottom panel doesn't take up as much space and the panels up top are a little bigger

The final big change was the eighth page. I added in an extra panel and changed up a lot of expressions/dialogue so there was more of a natural transition between the heartfelt moments and the two goofing off

I then made some final changes and drawover notes before I started a week of cleanup and colouring!

Cleanup/Colouring Stage

Cleaning up my sketches usually just means duplicating the layer, putting the original layer at 5% opacity and.. cleaning it until it looks nice lol. It's the easiest way for me to work because I hate doing lineart.

This is what my sketch vs final usually looks like. The biggest change was adding in bandages into all the drawings lol.

For speech bubbles, I drew them all by hand, created a flat colour layer underneath in white, duplicated that and filled it in with black and shifted it with the transformation tool to make a drop shadow effect.

It took me two days to colour the whole thing :')

Usually when I colour, I work in a pretty painterly way, but I thought flats/cell shading would be a lot faster for this. I was right but it still took Very Long.

The smartest thing I did was put colour swatches of each colour I was using on a separate layer above everything else so I could easily use the eyedropper and get the right colour without having to reference them from another page. It was a big time saver!

I colour all on a single layer so I don't have progress photos to show, but for each drawing, I roughly added in all the colours in the approximate locations they'd be, and once I did that for every single panel, I went back and cleaned them up one by one.

And that's that! After colouring was done, I added my signature, posted it, and took the nap of the century.

Final, Final Thoughts

I worked... Very Hard to get the comic out before leaks night and even if it was just a few hours, I'm so glad I was able to do it cause when I saw the actual chapter I lost my mindddd

I feel like as the comic progressed, Katsuki's feelings took a backseat and if I was to redo it, I'd probably put a bit more emphasis on that than I did in the final version. I feel like his ~inner turmoil~ didn't fully come through the way I wanted it to. I didn't want it to be an immediate acceptance — I wanted the fact that he was struggling with his past to be evident too — but with the focus being so heavily on Izuku, Katsuki's inner thoughts get a bit lost which is too bad </3 Good thing is Horikoshi had the exact opposite idea as me, so it all worked out :D

I'm really proud of how the comic turned out, and I'm so happy to have gotten such a positive response to it! Thank you for reading if you got this far and thank you for reading my silly self-indulgent hospital comic :)

#bnha #art tips #bnha manga spoilers #long post

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meanbossart · 2 months

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DU DROW LORE ASK COMPILATION: COMPANIONS, ASTARION'S READING HABITS, AND HIS LONG-INQUIRED OPINIONS ABOUT BODILY WASTE REVEALED.

I don't think "discussed" is the right word, more so mocked her for her blind faith and got into brief spats. It was precisely Shadowheart's water-off-a-duck's-back attitude towards his remarks that kind ingratiated her to him - DU drow spoke his mind, she took it in stride and remained firm in her beliefs without arguing or trying to push it on him. That, alongside the fact that they are surprisingly similar people is what brought them together as friends.

Even long after the events of the game he's still opposed to her hopping from Shar to Selune, also. Shadowheart's attachment to religion is simply something they agree to disagree about.

Can I answer your question with one of my own?

Am I the only idiot that killed her in their first run LOL

BUT YES, he killed Lae'zel when she tried to murder suicide the camp and I went through the whole game without her. I didn't go to the creche either!

I have since had other runs and she's actually one of my favorite characters, I just haven't had the chance to draw her yet.

ACTUALLY - scratch that. I've drawn her once-

Somewhat! But not really. He genuinely just likes jewelry, and rings are the only kind that suit his life-style (necklaces and earrings are a hazard during fighting) this is a reference to his bhaalist days when he used to be completely covered in the stuff day and night.

Hence why he finds them comforting to have on in some way or another. They change around because he gets bored of/misplaces runs out of fingers to wear the new rings that he loots constantly.

The great link in question

I don't know if it's been made clear enough, but DU drow's love for Astarion is borderline pathological, LOL. He's got a good humor about things and Astarion is definitely no stranger to having little quips and jokes made at his expense (a few references to him being Pointy And Long here and there, for sure), but the guy overwhelmingly adores him and thinks he's always the prettiest girl at the ball, even when he gets in his face and his nose looks huge.

I'll be honest, Astarion strikes me as the kind of guy that has like, 3 really weird books he really enjoys and reads them again and again very slowly over the course of years. Otherwise, not really a reader, but I digress -

DU drow was probably never a big reader himself, I would say he got started on a couple of books back in the day but likely never finished any. He's fairly intelligent, but most of his downtime was spent managing the cult and parsing through relevant documentation.

I definitely don't think he'd have the attention-span for fiction (which I picture as being said books that Astarion enjoys) but he does like to snuggle up with his beau to watch him read - every once in a while he catches a particularly scandalous line or description and they bicker about it. He makes a remark, Astarion feels obligated to explain the context, it devolves into some playful kind of argument that ends with Astarion telling him to go dig a hole and die in it while playing with his hair - The usual LOL.

Oh man I have a few more in-dept descriptions of how that went, both lore-wise and just for me as the player - but in summary, DU drow was pretty mean to everyone earlier on in the game and he did catch onto Astarion's very obvious and obnoxious seduction attempts very clearly. He doesn't like being so desperately pursued and they actually got off on the extremely wrong foot because of it, LOL.

After being unpromptedly rejected at the tiefling party he was a little more enticed by him, basically the "no" was his "go". I like to think of it like Astarion catching onto the fact that his initial strategy wasn't working and that this man in particular needed him to play hard to get - from that point on, DU drow started playing along. DU knew this was still a game, but now they were playing it on even ground so he was fine with it.

First of all - he inexplicably got butt-ass naked for the event.

All in all he liked it a whole lot and it was his re-introduction to the concept of pain being dished out as a form of love and his deep enjoyment of it.

Thank you so much, glad to hear you get some joy out of my work!

Dang it I had a pretty good write-up about his thoughts on Wyll from a long time ago, but I can't find it 😭

In summary, Wyll was a frustrating person for him to be around because of what he viewed to be a deeply ingrained naivete about the world. He shockingly didn't hate him (Wyll is kind of difficult to hate) but he never really saw him as an equal either, and definitely not as a friend. Du drow just desperately wanted him to express something that he would perceive as a genuine emotion; some kind of outburst or show of anger or frustration, but all he ever saw was someone trying to put on an act of performative heroism that he didn't buy at all.

At the same time, Wyll was far too young for him to be too mad. He might have held his father more accountable for making the guy into what he was than Wyll himself, really.

Can a man be scared of being scared? Because if so, it's that.

He also doesn't like shit a normal amount. (piss is fine depending on whose it is.)

#Guys I got my inbox under 80 messages #please clap #On the other hand #I also found more that I want to draw answers for #god help me #ask compilation #du drow lore

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mint-yooxgi · 1 year

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{2} - Lethal Protectors - Yandere!Vampire!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Vampire AU

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst

Pairing: Ateez X Reader

Words: 9,448

Warnings: Joong fucks up big time. Depiction of a panic attack. Violence and blood. Kidnapping (not the oc). Implied stalking. Past trauma and mentions of scars. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: Welp, the first part was based off a dream, and subsequently, the second part is as well. (Well, the ending, mainly, but I digress lol). Anyways, I mentioned it briefly before, but this series is probably going to be more broken up into one shots than linear, but I'll see how that goes. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, seeing as this turned out much longer than I planned for it lol. Also, Joong is not a good boy in this part. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Gentle reminder that I don't do tag lists

Mini Masterlist - Part One

“You’ve been avoiding us.”

A sudden voice off to your right has you practically dropping the small box in your hands. Luckily, whoever seems to have startled you moves quickly enough to prevent it from hitting the ground. Looking up reveals the culprit to be Yunho.

“I’ve been busy.” Comes your blunt answer, grabbing the box rather harshly out of his grip and packing it into the car with the others.

“Busy enough to rarely leave home, and then decide to move out the moment your parents go away on vacation?” He counters, a hint of hurt bleeding into his tone.

“How do you know if I’ve barely left my house or not?” Your brow furrows, the sound of the car door slamming shut resounding through the area. “Or if my parents have gone on vacation?”

“My point is,” he leans against the car, a subtle pout pulling at his lips, “we know you’ve been avoiding us.”

“You deflected.” You cross you arms over your chest.

“And you’re leaving us.” He mirrors your stance.

Your lips part in answer, only for the loud slamming of your front door to echo out, a happy yip soon to follow.

“Okay, so I think I’ve gotten everything- oh.” Your sister’s voice halts as soon as she sees who you’re talking to, the chipper patter of feet stopping dead in their tracks.

“It’s okay, Chloe,” you sigh. “Just get in the car. I’ll be done in a minute.”

“He’s not-“ Her eyes dart from between you and Yunho, “He’s not…”

“No, he’s not one of Ryder’s friends.” You confirm, and the way instant relief is seen in the way her shoulders deflate says it all.

“Okay,” she still eyes him a bit warily as she moves over to the passenger’s side.

The rear door is opened to let the dog into the car, and then not even a moment later, she closes it in favour of hopping into the front seat. You can feel her eyeing you through the window, despite how she takes out her phone to appear busy.

“It’s been over a month-“

“I recognize that.” You sigh once more.

“You said we would talk about things later.” Yunho’s voice is hushed, the hurt easily portrayed on his features.

“Yes, I did.” You blink at him, reaching to open the driver’s side door.

“Well?” His one brow quirks, a gleam of hope shining behind his eyes.

“Well, what?” You prop the door open, practically clinging to it for dear life.

“It’s later.” He states, blinking at you expectantly.

“Look, Yunho,” you grimace slightly, “I’m not talking about this now.”

“Then, when?” He takes a step towards you, and you shuffle the slightest bit backwards.

His expression falls, but he backs off. For now.

“Whenever I’m ready.” You say.

“And when will that be?” His fingers twitch at his sides.

“I don’t know, Yunho.” You shake your head, climbing into the car. “I don’t know.”

The sound of the door practically slamming in his face serves as a finality to the conversation. A fact of which is only furthered by the revving of the engine rumbling to life, the car backing out of the driveway without you so much as sparing another look in his direction.

You get about three minutes down the road before Chloe is looking at you expectantly. “Okay, spill.”

“Spill, what?” You scoff playfully.

“What was that all about?” She quirks a brow as you turn the corner, driving the car down the road that will lead to the major highway.

“Nothing important.” You reply.

“‘Nothing important’ my ass!” She rolls her eyes. “A super handsome guy comes over to talk to you, whom has nothing to do with Ryder, and you brush him off like he’s dust on your jacket?” A pointed look is sent your way. “Spill.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Chlo.” You shake your head. “It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Then why-“

“Please, Chlo,” you spare a glance towards her out of the corner of your eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Talking about it means accepting what happened. Talking about it makes it real.

“Fine.” She grumbles, tapping away at her phone. “But I get to pick the music.”

Not even a moment later, one of her favourite songs at the moment begins blasting through the car radio. Loudly, she begins singing along, and although you know she’s doing it on purpose, it takes you no time at all to be smiling and singing along with her.

Two days ago, your parents left for a three month long vacation. Unfortunately, it coincided with the time that Chloe needed to be driven back to university for her second year. So, you being the responsible adult you are, offered to drive her yourself. She managed to find a place with her significant other, and today is the day she promised them that she would move in.

You’ve always been close with your sister, so it’s no big deal for you. Chloe and her dog, Raymond, are literally your little rascals. Sure, she can get on your nerves a lot, but what are sisters for? You’re sure she’d say the same for you.

You just weren’t expecting Yunho to show up outside your house.

It’s true. You have been avoiding them. Honestly, it’s been easier than you expected, but then again, your parents have been home to go out and buy groceries, and you’ve been able to work remotely for your job since you’ve gotten it.

No more coffee runs. No more spontaneous walks through the forest. Not even late night boba runs with Chloe, much to her disappointment. Of course, last night you caved, seeing as it had been the last time you would be able to do such a thing with her for a while. Luckily, you didn’t run into any of the guys then, like you so feared.

Fear. What a strange word.

A word that means so much, and affects even more. A word that, no matter how little it might seem to be, can rule your life.

It’s not that you’re terrified of them, no. It’s more like a caution. You know what they are. You know the lengths they are willing to go to protect you. Yet, despite it all, and your original feelings of safety, you cannot help but doubt their intentions. They say you’re their ‘mate’. So, is that the only reason they’re doing this for you? That they did this for you?

If you were anybody else, would they even have helped?

You seriously doubt that. Which is exactly why you’ve been avoiding them.

Perhaps if they don’t know what they’re missing, they can’t miss you in the first place. Not that they should, really. They hardly know you, and the whole reason you believe that they want to get to know you is because of some stupid fate bullshit.

Would they have even given you a second glance if not because of it? Would they have even cared?

Probably not, and that is what makes you so hesitant about them. You don’t know them, and you don’t know if you want to.

Five hours - and a few pit stops - later, you’re finally pulling into the parking lot of the new apartment building that Chloe will be living in. You’ve agreed to help her move in and unpack with her significant other, and they’ve both agreed to buy you dinner, and let you stay the night in return. After all, it is a lot of driving to do in one day.

Walking down the hallway once exiting the elevator, you already see Brent, Chloe’s significant waiting by the open door to their apartment. Nothing but excitement is on their face as Chloe bounds up to them with Raymond in tow, practically tackling Brent over in an embrace once she reaches them.

“I’ve missed you so much!” You overhear her say, bringing a smile to your face.

“I’ve missed you, too, Chlo.” Brent replies, rubbing a hand along her spine in comfort.

“Good to see you again, Bren.” You nod at them, that smile still present on your features.

“You too!” They grin, pulling away from Chloe as she moves into the apartment to get the dog settled. “Thanks for driving her, and helping us today.”

“It’s no problem.” You walk passed them into the apartment, dropping off the box in your hands on top of where Chloe has just placed her own. “I needed to get out of the house, anyways.”

Brent simply quirks a brow, only for Chloe to reappear a moment later and lean into them, “Guy trouble.”

Understanding flashes across Brent’s features.

“Chloe!” You shoot her an exasperated look. “That is not true!”

“Mmhmm,” Chloe hums skeptically. “And I’m a natural blonde.”

Your younger sister walks passed you, and your eyes cannot help but focus in on her dark roots growing in on the top of her head.

“Seriously, I don’t know how you put up with her,” you shake your head teasingly towards Brent as you both follow your younger sister back down the hallway after closing the door behind you.

“It’s a miracle,” Brent chuckles, “but I manage.”

“Hey!” Chloe whines as you all step into the elevator. “You two know I can hear you, right?”

“That’s the point, Chlo.” You giggle, ruffling her hair. “If you’re going to tell the world about my fictional problems, expect to be teased back.”

A grumble escapes her as she crosses her arms over her chest. Flicking the hair out of her face, she quickly exits the elevator once the doors open to the lobby.

“Come on, I still need to unpack.” She huffs, flicking some of her hair out of her face.

The two of you follow behind her, unloading the car and setting boxes around the apartment. Luckily, you all only have to take a few trips, as Chloe doesn’t have too much stuff with her. Her clothes and books are probably the biggest items, though.

By the time you finish helping her organize her stuff in their room, it’s well into the evening. Currently, she sits before the two bookcases, organizing her novels on the bottom shelves.

“Pizza’s here,” Brent pops their head in, drawing your attention.

“Thanks, Brennie,” Chloe smiles. “We’ll be right there.”

Folding up the final box, you place it to the side as Chloe stands from the floor.

“I think that’s everything.” She breathes a tremendous sigh of relief, wiping her hands together once back on her feet.

You smile at her. A tender, proud look on your features.

“How does it feel?” You ask as you follow her towards the living room.

“How does what feel?” Her brow furrows slightly as she glances back at you over her shoulder.

“To have your own place?” You quirk a brow.

“I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet.” She replies honestly, sitting on the floor by the couch.

“Our apartment comes furnished with these beautiful couches, and you still choose to sit on the floor.” Brent shakes their head, taking a seat closest to Chloe on the sofa.

“You know my sister,” you chuckle, taking a seat on the closest armchair. Then, you’re turning to meet her gaze. “Yeah, it didn’t hit me the first time I fully moved out until the next day.”

“Living in a dorm is definitely different than living on your own for the first time.” Brent comments, to which you nod in agreement.

“But I’m serious, you two,” you look between them. “If you ever need anything, anything at all, do not hesitate to call me. I’ll always get here as fast as I can.”

Chloe whines your name slightly while taking a slice of pizza. Then, she’s meeting your gaze. “Thank you, though. I appreciate it.”

“We appreciate it.” Brent corrects, nudging Chloe lightly with their knee.

Just as you go to take a slice of pizza, your phone rings. Your brow furrows, not recognizing the number, so you opt to let it ring out. Only, when you immediately get another call from the same number, you briefly excuse yourself before answering the call.

“Hello?” Your brow furrows as you step into the kitchen.

“Oh, thank fuck!” A relieved sigh is heard from the other end. “You actually answered this time.”

“Wait, Wooyoung?” Your frown deepens. “How did you get my number?”

“That’s not important right now.” His words are rushed. “What’s important is that you left.” A brief pause, before a small whimper is heard through the phone. “You left us.”

“Excuse me for being under the assumption that we’re not together.” You blink. “Ergo, it should not matter where I go, who I’m with, or how long I’m gone. It is none of your concern, or your business, what I do.”

“I can’t help it.” The pout in his voice is apparent. “You are my concern.”

You blink in shock, not quite sure how to take his words. Though, in your silence, you hear a smack resound on the other end.

“Wait, that came out wrong-“

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait-“

You disconnect the call.

Stepping out of the kitchen, you barely make it a foot before your phone starts ringing again. It’s the same number, but you choose to decline the call.

Then it rings again, and again, and again.

By the third time you have to deny the call, you block his number.

“Geez, you really seem to be having trouble in paradise,” Chloe jokes, attempting to ease the sudden tension she sees in your shoulders.

“I-“

Your phone rings. This time, with a new number that lights up the screen.

Standing to your feet with a sigh, you retreat into the bathroom this time. Hopefully, due to the room being further away, it’ll allow you a little more privacy.

“Look, Wooyoung-“

“Where are you?”

The intensity of the voice behind the inquiry catches you off guard. “Excuse me?”

“Where. Are. You.” Each word is emphasized slowly, and you can hear the barely restrained anger behind his tone.

“Frankly, that’s none of your business.” You reply smartly.

“You are our business.”

Your eyebrow quirks, irritation clear on your features as you catch your reflection in the mirror. “You want to try that again?”

You’re not putting up with this shit. Looks like a few weeks of not getting what they want is allowing for their true colours to show.

“Just tell us where you are before-“

“Or, what? You’ll track me again?” You cut him off.

“If we have to.” Comes his blunt response.

“Ah, yes, because this is making me certainly believe I have a choice in all of this.” Your words seem to shut him up momentarily. “Goodbye, Hongjoong.”

You don’t receive another call that night.

The next day, you stay at Chloe’s for as long as you can. You’re dreading the drive home, and just who might be waiting for you when you get back. Only, you have no other place to go for the moment, and you don’t want to impose for longer than you already have.

To make matters worse, it starts raining about halfway through your drive home. The clouds are dark, and the fact the sun is setting isn’t helping visibility at all. A storm even breaks out an hour before you’re due to arrive home, a torrential downpour impeding your drive. Luckily, it seems that you drive through it, and you manage to pull into your driveway while there’s a break in the rain. However, you know it’s only a matter of minutes before it’s opening back up again.

Quickly grabbing your things, you exit the car. The moment you hear the sound of it locking behind you, you lift your head. At the figure you see sitting on your front porch, you nearly drop your bag.

There, sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, is Wooyoung. His hands are clasped together, fingers worriedly threading through one another. His head is down, but you know he’s already heard you exit the car.

The second the sigh slips passed your lips, he looks up.

“You’re back.” The tension in his shoulders seems to ease slightly as he stands back to his feet.

“What are you doing here?” You move passed him to walk up the front steps.

“I was waiting for you.” He answers. “No matter how long it took, I was going to wait until you came home.”

You eye him warily. “Why?”

A moment where he simply blinks at you in response, as if his answer should already be obvious.

“I wanted to see you.” He says, earnestly.

“Wooyoung, you all hardly know me.” You sigh.

“We want to, though.” He takes a step towards you, and even though you take a step back, he stands his ground. “All we want is a chance to get to know you, and for you to know us. Is that too much to ask?”

You purse your lips, looking down and to the left as you avoid his gaze.

The soft patter of rain begins to dance against the awning above you.

In a voice no more than a whisper, you speak, “What if I don’t want that?”

He swallows thickly. “You don’t mean that."

“What if I just want you all to leave me alone?”

“No.” Wooyoung begins to shake his head, his lower lip wobbling as he falls to his knees. “You can’t mean that.”

Hesitantly, he reaches out for you, but you recoil back.

His hands fall limply to his sides.

“Please, don’t be scared of me.” His voice is but a mere whisper on the wind; weak, just like his demeanour as the first of his tears begin to trail down his cheeks.

You don’t respond, opting to turn around and unlock your front door. Maybe if he believes you are scared of them, he’ll leave you alone.

“I want you to leave, Wooyoung.” You keep your tone low, voice steady. “Leave, and then I never want to see any of you again.”

Just as you go to push the door open, you feel a weight press against your lower spine, hands coming to settle on your stomach.

“No! I- I- Can’t!” He sobs. “I won’t!”

The words hardly register in your mind before you begin hyperventilating. You drop your bags, desperately clawing at his arms around your waist as panic seizes your entire body.

“No!” You shriek, chest heaving. “Not again! Let me go! Not again!”

The grip around you tightens in shock, but you perceive it another way.

“Not again!” You’re yelling at this point, words beginning to slur as you attempt to catch your breath and get away from the person holding onto you. You choke on a sob. “Please.”

There’s some shuffling behind you, the sound of the pouring rain practically drowning out everything else. You faintly register a name being called, and then the feeling of those arms being pulled off of you.

You fall to your knees, collapsing onto the cold, hard ground. More sobs escapes you, your whole body shaking as you curl in on yourself, begging whoever it is to leave you alone.

A stern voice cuts through the rain, but you cannot make out any words. However, the raised tone has you trembling harder, violently sobbing as you protect your stomach as best as you can.

Still, you wait for the inevitable pain to come.

It doesn’t.

Instead, a gentle voice begins cooing at you. Softly, you are shushed, and encouraged to calm down, and you can feel your heartbeat finally settling in your chest. Breathing begins to become easier, and the heavy ringing in your ears lessens enough for you to hear your surroundings properly once more.

“That’s it, My Dove,” It’s a male’s voice. “You’re safe. I promise nothing will ever harm you again.”

You blink, more tears falling from your eyes as your whole body begins to relax.

“It’s alright now. You’re okay.” A figure is crouched right in front of you. “Just breathe.”

Gently, a hand reaches out to cradle the side of your face, wiping at your tears all the while.

“Everything will all be okay.”

Finally, your vision clears enough to take in the male before you.

“Seonghwa.” You manage to breathe out.

“Hello, My Dove.” He smiles faintly, worry soon creasing his brow as he watches you attempt to push yourself up into a sitting position. “Don’t strain yourself.”

You look around, noticing another figure standing beneath the pouring rain with his back turned to you. Your brow furrows, swearing that you can see his shoulders shaking with barely suppressed sobs of his own.

“Are you alright?” Seonghwa’s soft inquiry draws your attention to him once more.

You look down at yourself, noticing nothing out of the ordinary. Carefully, you raise your hands to your stomach, not feeling the warmth of fresh blood upon your skin as you do so.

You stare at your hands, touching your fingers to your thumbs to ground yourself.

Turning your head after a moment, you meet his gaze. Then, you’re nodding slowly.

A blink, and Wooyoung is kneeling beside Seonghwa, tears streaming down his face freely as he reaches for you.

“I’m so sorry-“

Seonghwa smacks his hands away. “I told you to wait for me.”

Wooyoung ignores him for the time being in order to reach for you again, choking on a sob.

You flinch, and his expression falls.

“Please,” his hands shake, water droplets endlessly falling from his soaked hair and onto the porch beneath all of you. “Please believe me.”

“Wooyoung-“ Seonghwa’s stern voice gets cut off.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Wooyoung’s voice cracks, and more sobs wrack his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

You can only stare down at your hands in response.

Seonghwa watches you carefully. You can feel his eyes on you as you steady your breathing, and Wooyoung continues to apologize profusely.

“Can you both please leave?” Your soft tone manages to catch their attention.

The way Wooyoung’s breath hitches does not go unnoticed by you.

“Do you need help-“

“No.” You cut Seonghwa off, squeezing your eyes shut as you curl in on yourself. “Please.”

The second you blink your eyes open, you’re greeted with an empty porch. The only sounds that surround you are the pouring rain, and your muffled sobs as you break down, cold and alone, just outside of your front door.

***

You manage to avoid them for three whole days. For three whole days, you see no sight, nor hear no sound of them, even when you pop out to the store for some groceries.

Gaby invites you out for coffee, and this time, you accept. Of course, you know it’s more likely that you’ll run into them while you’re with her, but the past three times she’s asked, you’ve declined her offer. She’s been nothing but kind since you bumped into her that fateful day, always messaging you to make sure you’re alight. She checks up on you, and you’ve found a good friend in her.

Ever since the town learned of the vicious animal attack that claimed the lives of Ryder and his gang of misfits, there’s almost been an air of ease that’s settled over the town. People are more talkative. His parents are moving away, meaning there’s going to be a change in the head officer running this division of law enforcers. Plus, it’s as if the sun is shining a little brighter without the fear of Ryder running rampant on unsuspecting townsfolk.

Which is why Gaby doesn’t understand why you’re cooped up inside all the time. A fact of which she expresses to you while sitting at the little table by the window.

“I’ve just been busy.” You brush the question off like usual, all too aware of the two sets of ears more than likely listening in on your conversation from across the shop.

Yeosang and Jongho haven’t bothered to approach you at all, but even you can feel the glances they keep sending your way out of the corner of their eyes. They’re respectful, but still aware of your every move despite acting as if your presence mere feet away doesn’t affect them.

You manage to survive the outing without a single word from them, and for that, you’re grateful. At least some of them seem to be attempting to respect your boundaries.

Then, on the fourth day, you get a surprise visitor.

It’s late at night when your phone pings with a new message. It’s your best, and closest, friend from university, Sungwoo, asking if you’re still up.

The moment you reply with a ‘yes’, a knock sounds at your front door.

Hesitantly, you walk over, peeking out of the little window to see your best friend with tears streaming down his face as he stands there. His car is parked in the driveway, and his sweater is on backwards, hair disheveled.

Immediately, you swing the door open, catching the sobbing man as he falls into your arms.

“He kicked me out.” He cries into your neck, holding onto your form for dear life. “After I confronted him about cheating, he kicked me out.”

“Oh, baby,” you gently card your fingers through his hair. “Let’s get you inside.”

Ten minutes later, and with warm mugs of tea in both of your hands, you’ve managed to calm him down enough to get him to tell you what’s going on. You listen intently, nodding along to his words and chiming in here and there. Apparently his partner, Jungwon, has been seeing other people the whole time they’ve been living together.

“Oh, Sunny,” your expression falls. “I’m so sorry. No one don’t deserves that.”

He shakes his head, taking another sip of his tea. “I’m sorry for intruding so late, I just didn’t know where else to go.”

His parents live out of town, and you’re the closest person he knows that lives nearby.

“I’m just glad my parents aren’t here.” You smile lightly. “My dad probably would not have been too happy about being woken up at one in the morning. You’re just lucky I usually stay up so late.”

“He wouldn’t be able to stay mad at his favourite person for long.” He cracks a smile.

“There he is,” you tilt your mug in acknowledgment. “There’s the Sungwoo I know and love.”

“Just a bit beaten down.” His gaze drops to the mug in his lap.

“Hey, it won’t always be like this.” You reach over to squeeze his arm gently.

“No.” He glances up at you. “It won’t.”

“So, obviously you’re staying for a couple days.” You say, standing from the couch. “I’ll go get the guest room ready.”

However, before you can exit the living room, his voice has you halting in your tracks.

“Do you remember that one night I snuck into your apartment after a bad date to find you crying?” His tone is soft, the inquiry nothing more than a gentle caress as he glances up into your eyes once more.

It was the night you told him about Ryder and everything that happened to you. The night your friendship truly became what it is today.

“You want to sleep with me in my room tonight?” The question you pose is tender, nothing but understanding in your tone.

You swear you hear the faintest of growls come from outside, but your brush it off as the wind. Besides, Sungwoo’s eager nod serves to distract you as you focus on making sure your best friend is taken care of for the time being.

Extending your arm out, you offer him your hand.

Carefully, he takes it in his own, allowing you to guide him upstairs after dropping off your mugs in the sink, and turning off all of the lights. You let him borrow a pair of your father’s sweats, grabbing him all he needs to get ready for bed. Ten minutes later, and you’re both crawling beneath your covers.

His head rests on your chest, listening to your heartbeat as you softly converse. Your fingers card gently through his hair, and before either of you two know it, you’re both out like lights, soft snores falling from Sungwoo’s lips.

The next day is spent driving back to Sungwoo’s place for him to grab most of his things. He drives, and you do your due diligence and stare scrutinizingly at his now ex-boyfriend the whole time.

You grab ice cream on your way home from the little corner store, eating it on the front porch while sitting on the swing. Sungwoo’s head rests on your shoulder as you gently rock yourselves back and forth, reminiscing about university and laughing together. Seems you both needed the distraction.

Two more days are spent helping Sungwoo through this rough patch, going so far as to help him start searching for places in the area he can move into. So far, there’s a few small apartments for rent, but the first place you checked out had a mold problem, and the other already had someone else interested in it first.

“Hey, what about this one? Until you can find something else?” You turn your laptop screen towards him.

Leaning over the kitchen table which you two just so happen to be sitting at, Sungwoo pulls your laptop closer to him. Carefully, he scrolls through the listing for a loft right above the town’s most popular bakery. It seems to be in good condition, and from how new the listing is, you know that it might go fast.

“Looks good,” he nods, clicking on the ‘more information’ tab. “Might go insane from the smell of bread, though.”

“Like you would be complaining.” You roll your eyes playfully.

“Complaining I can’t eat all of it, yeah.” He snorts while looking into booking a viewing. “Oh shit! There’s a time available for today!”

“Is there?” Your whole demeanour perks up.

“What time is it now?” His eyes flit around your screen.

You check your phone. “Just after five, why?”

“Okay, the viewing is for six. That gives me just enough time to shower and head over.” He nods to himself.

“I would come with you, but I’ve got to finish this report for my boss by tonight.” You sigh, leaning back in your chair.

“That’s okay! I’m a big boy, I can handle myself.” He puffs out his chest dramatically.

“Says the one terrified of butterflies.” You mutter.

“They drink tears straight out of live crocodiles and turtles.” He states, matter of factly. “And they drink blood, too. Tell me that’s not terrifying.”

You shrug, chuckling all the while. “Go get ready, Sun, before you’re too late.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” He playfully salutes you before running upstairs to take a shower.

Fifteen minutes later, and with his hair still damp, he’s running back into the kitchen. A tender kiss is placed onto your temple as you work, and you turn towards him just as he begins to walk back out of the kitchen.

“I’ll pick up something for us to eat for dinner on my way home, maybe stop off to get some groceries, too.” He tells you while slipping on his shoes. “I’ll text you after the viewing what I decide to do.”

“Okay,” you smile, waving him off. “See you later!”

“You’re the best!” You hear him call out.

“Yeah, yeah,” you laugh, waving him off. “Love you, too.”

The door falling shut is the last you hear from him.

In fact, it’s the last sound you hear from him for four hours.

So consumed by your work, you turned your phone on silent and hadn’t bothered to check it at all before submitting your report. Glancing at the time, you see it’s a little over nine-thirty in the evening. Sungwoo texted you earlier on, saying he really liked the place, and agreed to renting it for the next little bit. Afterwards, he told you that he’d be heading to the store, and should be back within an hour.

That was about three hours ago.

Fear spikes inside of you, and your first thought is that Ryder has done something to him to get to you.

Then, you remember: Ryder and his goons cannot hurt you anymore.

Your heart stops, thinking the worst.

Perhaps you’re just overreacting. Maybe Sungwoo ran into an old friend while at the grocery store and got to talking. Maybe they went out for drinks, or something.

So, you text him.

Five minutes go by with no answer, so you decide to call. It goes straight to voicemail.

Panic seizes you, your brow furrowed in worry as you begin to pace in front of the kitchen table.

Something is definitely wrong. It’s not like Sungwoo to ignore you, or turn his phone off. Something has definitely happened to him while he’s been out, and you haven’t the slightest clue what it could be.

A knock sounds at your door.

Your heart skips a beat as the noise startles you out of your thoughts. You hope beyond everything that it’s Sungwoo just trying to be an ass and scare you, but alas, you know that it’s probably too good to be true.

Three familiar faces greet you behind the door, looks of concern on all of them.

Your brow furrows, “Seonghwa, Yeosang, Jongho, what are you all doing here? I thought I told you to-“

“Hongjoong has Sungwoo.” Seonghwa cuts you off almost immediately.

“Excuse me?” You blink at him in mild shock.

“We need to hurry, there’s no time-“

“Will one of you please tell me what’s going on?” Your brow creases, arms crossing over your chest as you cut Jongho off.

“The others are with him.” Yeosang adds, shifting from foot to foot anxiously. “They helped him take Sungwoo.”

Your mind blanks, swallowing thickly. “What are they planning to do to him?”

“We can explain on the way.” Seonghwa motions to a black car parked alongside the curb with his head. “Mingi’s already attempting to stop them on his own.”

“Why should I trust you?” You meet his gaze, noticing how the other two behind him keep glancing between you and the back of Seonghwa’s head.

“Have we given you any reason not to?” He counters, a slight grimace to his features.

“If you don’t believe us, just call him.” Yeosang motions to your phone still held in your hand.

“I tried calling Sungwoo, but his phone is turned off.” You uncross your arms, looking down at your phone.

“Not Sungwoo,” Jongho shakes his head. “Hongjoong.”

Your eyes narrow the slightest bit at the three vampires before you.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Seonghwa pulls out his own phone, opening up the messages app to show you a series of text between him and Hongjoong.

Seems as if the eldest has been against this plan from the start, but the younger had been adamant on going through with it.

You whole body stills, and your hands begin to shake.

“What’s his number?” Your voice is low as you prepare to make the call.

“Don’t you have it?” Jongho’s brow furrows.

“I tend to delete call logs of numbers I don’t particularly like.” Your eyes dart to the youngest across from you.

A moment later, Seonghwa is clicking into Hongjoong’s contact information. Once his number is on the screen, he turns it back to face you.

You dial the number.

The sound of the call beginning to ring through is synonymous with you motioning to that black car with your chin. Luckily, they take the hint, and in two more rings, you’ve slipped outside after grabbing your keys and locking the front door.

You hear the ringing suddenly cut out, signifying someone has answered the call.

You hold your breath.

“Hello, My Treasure.” A pleasant hum is heard through the line. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Three vampires spare fleeting glances in your direction as you approach the car.

“What have you done with Sungwoo?” Surprisingly, your voice comes out much stronger than you thought it would.

“So, now you wish to speak with me?” His voice holds nothing but incredulous disbelief. “When the life of a useless, pathetic mortal is at risk?”

Your heart pangs as you slide into the backseat beside Jongho. Your assumptions about him seem to be correct.

“Careful with your words, asshole,” you spit, a frown marring your features. “I’m still human, too.”

“You know I never count you when I say things like that, right, Treasure?”

“Where’s Sungwoo?” You choose to ignore his claim for now. “What have you done to my best friend.”

“Yes, I’m well aware of your affections for him.” Hongjoong all but growls through the phone. “Are you quite sure he feels the same?”

“Enlighten me.” You hiss out through clenched teeth.

“You seem awfully attached to him.” Hongjoong hums. “Would be a shame if something awful happened to him.”

“I swear to god, Hongjoong, if you hurt him-“

“Oh, no, Treasure, God can’t save him now.”

The phone slips from your hand. Already, your mind is supplying you with the worst case scenarios, whole body beginning to shake as your throat tightens up.

You don’t even register how quickly Jongho reaches out to catch your phone, nor the way he seems to be cursing at the elder male through the line while sitting beside you. A blink, and your phone is in Yeosang’s hands as Seonghwa continues to speed down the streets, racing to a location unbeknownst to you.

Gently, Jongho reaches over to begin comforting you, attempting to calm you down while hesitating to touch you. Seonghwa told them all what happened when Wooyoung touched your stomach from behind, and now he’s scared touching anywhere on your body in this state might set you off again.

Then again, Yunho did cradle you in his arms that night all those weeks ago when they found your body on the side of the road.

It is with that thought that Jongho places a tender hand onto your shoulder.

“Why is he doing this?” Your voice is small as you stare at your hands, touching your fingers to your thumbs meticulously.

Glancing up, you see that Yeosang must have ended the call.

“He- they are all jealous.” Seonghwa briefly meets your gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Of Sungwoo?” Your brow furrows. Then, something is clicking in your mind as you see them all nod. “How do you all know about Sungwoo?”

The three of them stiffen.

Briefly, your eyes dart over each of them individually.

“Oh my god, you’ve been stalking me?” Again, your hands begin to shake.

“We prefer the term ‘watching over’.” Jongho mumbles, retracting his hand once you shrug it off of your shoulder.

Suddenly, you find the interior of the car to be stifling.

“How long?” Your hands ball into fists in your lap.

“I don’t think you want to know the answer to that right now.” Yeosang voices lowly, avoiding your gaze by staring straight forward.

Your phone rests on the console between the front two seats. Quickly, you grab it, holding onto it for dear life.

“This… bond we told you about,” Seonghwa begins, “it affects us all differently. Some of us have also been hoping for something like this to occur for so long, that the fear of rejection never really crossed our minds.”

“That’s not to mention our kind is fiercely protective over the things we care about without the bond enhancing those feelings towards you.” Yeosang adds, shifting slightly in the front seat.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is possessive.” Jongho sighs, closing his eyes for the briefest of moments.

You shift the slightest bit away from him, a fact which the two sitting in the front immediately notice.

“And you three are unaffected?” You inquire.

“We see reason.” Jongho’s eyes blink open, his expression falling as he sees you having shifted the slightest bit away from him.

“We won’t lie and say that we don’t care for you,” Yeosang says, a brief, tight upturn of his lips as he glances in your direction. “However, we understand that this is a lot for you, and that you don’t know us well. There are bound to be doubts and uncertainties that you have, and that’s not even taking into account what we are.”

“So, you’re all just better at hiding your jealousy.” A statement, not a question.

“We’re better at controlling it.” Seonghwa chimes in, turning down a dark stretch of road with trees surrounding either side.

“Hongjoong has been waiting and wishing for you probably the longest out of all of us. Well, probably besides Yunho.” Jongho tells you. “The bond is making him act on instinct; his darker impulses.”

You curl in on yourself more. “I don’t like the implications of that.”

“We’re normally pretty good at controlling ourselves.” Yeosang adds lowly. “It’s just you that makes us into anomalies.”

“Gee, that makes me feel loads better.” You nearly scoff.

“I don’t necessarily mean it in a bad way.” He turns his head to look at you.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” You sigh.

“You’re scared of us?” It’s Jongho’s timid voice that cuts through the sudden silence in the car like a knife.

You heave another tremendous sigh. “Not necessarily.”

“Then, why do you keep avoiding us?” There is pain held within Yeosang’s eyes. “Why do you keep pushing us away?”

You purse your lips. “Now is not the time for this.”

Sure enough, the car breaks through the trees, swerving on the path to reveal a small cemetery up ahead.

Seonghwa speeds up.

Through the darkness, you can just make out five figures milling about. As you get closer, you see a sixth one on his knees between them all.

The car comes to a screeching halt, and you practically fling yourself out of the backseat. A terrified shriek escapes you at the state you find Sungwoo to be in, his beaten and bloody body covered in gashes and dirt.

You spot the bat in Hongjoong’s hand, the metal iron pikes glinting in the moonlight as he rests it over his shoulder. You think you’d be less terrified if the bat housed spikes instead of those solid metal protrusions lining the sides. Hell only knows what Sungwoo has already suffered through this evening.

Tears line your eyes as you attempt to run over to Sungwoo, your heart pounding in your chest. Only, you don’t get very far, Mingi grabbing your arms and holding you back before you can get too close. Even Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Jongho get held back by the other three at Hongjoong’s command, curses flying between all of them as you scream for them to end this madness.

Sungwoo collapses on the ground.

“Pathetic.” Hongjoong clicks his tongue. “Weak ass human can’t even handle a few blows.”

“What have you done?” Your voice is frantic, tears spilling onto your cheeks as you look between him and Sungwoo’s tattered and bruised form.

“I’m simply teaching this rat a lesson for touching what isn’t his.” Hongjoong’s eyes flash maliciously beneath the light of the moon.

Your heart stops, dread flooding your veins. As you are being held back by Mingi, your whole body begins to shake.

“You think you own me.” Your words are but a whisper on the wind, but it causes the entire cemetery to suddenly become eerily quiet. “You believe I belong to you.”

Something in Hongjoong’s facade cracks, and his demeanour shifts only briefly. “No-“

“You just said it yourself.” Your hands are clenched into fists despite Mingi holding you back by your arms. “You don’t view me as a person. You view me as an object to be owned.”

The others remain deadly silent, watching this interaction with bated breath.

“That’s not true, and you know it.” He frowns.

“No. I don’t know.” You spit harshly. “That’s the whole fucking point! I don’t know you, and you don’t know me!”

“But, you love him.” Hongjoong’s eyes dart down to the male bleeding out at the ground at his feet.

A few displeased growls echo around the tombstones surrounding you.

“He is my best friend!” You’re near hysterics at this point. “Of fucking course I love him!”

More growls sound around you.

Hongjoong’s hand holding onto the bat begins to tremble. “I can’t let him live knowing he’s touched you.”

“You know?” Your head falls forward in disbelief. “You know?”

“Of course I know!” Hongjoong’s anger is barely contained, his own body beginning to shake in rage. “How could I not recognize when filth sleeps with My Treasure?”

You go silent, clamping your lips shut as you feel Mingi’s hands tighten around you from Hongjoong’s words. It’s starting to make sense to you.

“You think we’ve slept together.” You state.

“I know you have.” Hongjoong glares unforgivingly down at the man splayed out at his feet in the dirt.

“Right, because you’ve all been stalking me.” You nod your understanding. “But no, that’s not what I meant.”

Hongjoong lifts his gaze.

“You think we’ve fucked.”

His resounding growl, and the several others you hear around you, are answer enough.

“You haven’t?” It’s Wooyoung who asks, genuine surprise coating his words.

“Maybe we have, and maybe we haven’t.” You reply. “Either way, it is none of your goddamn business. I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything.”

“You don’t understand-“ San begins to say, but you’re quick to cut him off.

“Then, help me to understand, because right now you are all breaking your promise to me.” Your pain filled eyes look around the small circle of gathered males. “I thought you said you would never hurt me.”

Wooyoung visibly flinches at your words, loosening his grip on Yeosang the slightest bit. Even Mingi’s grip no longer feels as tight against your own arms.

“I have to do this.” Hongjoong steels his resolve, despite the way his voice wavers. “I can’t let him interfere.”

“With what, Hongjoong?” You shout. “There is nothing between us. You doing this guarantees nothing will ever happen between us.”

“You don’t mean that.” It’s Mingi’s hurt tone that you hear softly from behind you.

“Are you going to hunt everyone I’ve ever slept with? Is that how this is going to work?” Your chest is heaving. “You don’t even know if I’ve slept with anyone, but you’re so adamant on killing my best friend simply off of a baseless claim. You might as well slaughter the entire town.”

“You already think us monsters anyways.” Hongjoong mutters, turning his head away from you.

“There is only one man I ever considered a monster.” Your voice is deadly calm. “I never thought you would stoop low enough to join him.”

“Then, why have you been avoiding us?” Hongjoong’s voice practically shakes the whole area as he rounds on you, the tip of the bat sinking into the mud as it falls from his shoulder.

“Because knowing the only reason you all started talking to me in the first place is due to some stupid magical bond that told you I’m your fated mate, or whatever, fucking hurts, okay?” Your tears have returned, falling freely down your cheeks as your chest heaves. “The only thing worse would be if you told me I was some reincarnation of your long lost love, or something ridiculous like that.”

The cemetery goes so silent, you swear the earth has stood still.

“You’ve been avoiding us this whole time because you think we wouldn’t want you if we weren’t fated to each other?” Yunho finally speaks, hands falling limply to his sides as Seonghwa, who he had been holding back, can only stand there, just as stunned as all of the rest of them.

“You only saved me that night because of the bond.” You attempt to swallow your building emotions, but you end up choking on a sob. “You all only care because of this stupid bond.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.” Yeosang shakes his head.

“It’s it, though?” You laugh bitterly. “Tell me, then. Honestly. If I were anyone else, and you had found me on the side of the road like that, bleeding out and on the brink of death, would you have stopped to help?”

If their silence didn’t already speak volumes, the way the majority of them avert their gazes says it all.

“All my life, I had hoped- I had dreamed of finding a soulmate, of them being real.” You voice falters as you bottom lip trembles. “After the shit I went through with Ryder, I just wanted someone to love me with all of my scars, unconditionally. Then I realized, it could never be real love if it was all based on some stupid bond, telling them that they had to love me. I don’t deserve to have that doubt always held within me. You don’t deserve that, either.”

You can tell a few of them have started crying along with you, tears streaming down Wooyoung’s, San’s, Jongho’s, and Seonghwa’s faces. Even both Yeosang and Hongjoong look close to breaking, and at the first drop of wetness you feel land on your arm, you know Mingi is faring no better.

“All of this for a bond that is telling you to want me.” You weep openly, the despair clear on your features. “How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“You-“ Wooyoung hiccups. “You think that we don’t want you?”

“Have you not been listening to a word I’ve just said?” Your voice cracks, turning your broken gaze towards Wooyoung.

“I thought we told you that despite us following the bond, we would never force it upon you.” Yunho reasons.

“Then, what do you call this?” You laugh bitterly once more. “An intervention?”

“We told you that we wanted to get to know you before anything.” Jongho’s voice is small, looking down at the ground as San continues to hold him back from reaching you or Sungwoo for the moment.

“But you insisted on avoiding us.” Hongjoong adds, somewhat bitterly.

“Because a fucking pull brought you to me!” You reply, clearly exasperated. “That’s not a choice, Hongjoong.”

“It was our choice to follow the pull.” Seonghwa surprises you by speaking, his words but a mere whisper on his lips.

“I’m sorry I’m not all I’ve been made out to be.” You say, somewhat bitterly as you look down at the ground.

“You’re better.” Immediately, your head is whipping upwards in Yeosang’s direction, catching his gaze. Your breath hitches as how earnest he looks, his eyes shining with the deepest form of sincerity you’ve ever seen another person give you. “You’re better than anything we could have ever imagined.”

You swallow thickly, your lower lip trembling with the weight of your emotions.

“I wish I could believe you.”

Something within Hongjoong snaps. You see it in the way his whole body twitches, his eyes flashing a deep red as black veins appear beneath them.

“It’s because of him.” That bat gets raised into the air. “He’s stolen you away from us.”

“No, Hongjoong-“ You begin thrashing in Mingi’s grip as you see the crazed gleam in the elder’s eyes.

“Hongjoong, stop this at once!” Seonghwa’s voice commands, ringing out loud and clear throughout the clearing.

Only, before the elder can take so much as a step towards Hongjoong, Yunho has him held back in his grip once more.

“Hongjoong.” Mingi warily calls the man’s name.

“You’re ours.” Hongjoong’s voice boarders on a feral snarl, his hands tightening methodically around the base of the bat as his lips pull back over sharp fangs.

Your eyes go wide as the reality of the situation washed over you: Hongjoong is going to smash Sungwoo’s head in no matter what you do.

Just as you watch the bat begin to swing downwards, you scream.

“No!”

It’s as if the world moves in slow motion. Somehow, you manage to tear free of Mingi’s hold which had grown quite loose, almost as if he had hesitated holding you back any longer. Still, you can feel your arms stinging, sure there are now cuts along your skin from his nails where he had been clinging onto you so desperately.

You throw yourself on top of Sungwoo, covering him with your body as that bat cuts through the air in an almost gentle, mocking arc. You squeeze your eyes shut.

Then, it’s as if the world resumes its normal speed.

You expect to feel pain. Nothing but hot, searing pain. Only, it never comes.

Blinking your eyes open, you look up to see Hongjoong staring down at you in horror. His wide eyes have no shortage of tears as he meets your gaze, standing frozen in his spot with the bat hovering right above your head.

A drop of blood lands on your face.

Shifting your gaze, you see Mingi holding that bat, a spire of iron mere millimetres from your face.

Tremendous roars reach your ears: some of pure fury, others of horror, and a few in desperation. The very resonance of such sounds causes the earth to tremble beneath you, a flock of birds taking off suddenly into the night sky.

A blink, and Hongjoong is being dragged back by five males, all of whom tear him away from you and that bat still held in Mingi’s grip. Snarls reach your ears as both Yeosang and Seonghwa pin him to the ground, Wooyoung, Jongho, and Yunho all standing over his trembling form.

Then, Yunho manages to calm himself enough to turn towards you.

He meets your gaze. “How did you do that?”

There’s a bitter furrow to your brow, “Do what?”

San is beside you in an instant, checking you over for injuries as Mingi tosses the bat to the side.

“Don’t help me, heal him.” You push the vampire off of you, motioning to Sungwoo with your chin.

You notice the way San hesitates.

Mingi doesn’t.

***

Gently, you cradle Sungwoo in your arms, brushing his hair back from his face after Mingi has fed him some of his blood. Slowly, you can already see some of Sungwoo’s injuries mending themselves, the cuts closing and bruises healing.

You turn your tearstained face towards the eight men now kneeling across from you.

“You’re going to listen to me, and you’re going to listen good and proper.” None of them have ever heard you use such a dark tone before, but from your expression alone, they can tell just how furious you are right now. “I don’t care who they are, but if you ever touch another person that I care about, if you ever hurt any of them, especially him,” you grip tightens around Sungwoo in your arms, “I will never forgive you, and you will never see me again. Do I make myself clear?”

A chorus of low ‘yes’s greet your ears.

“You want me to like you, but all this has done is make me despise the four of you.” You seethe, pure fury lighting behind your irises.

They all squirm beneath your intense gaze.

“Wait, four?” Wooyoung’s brow furrows.

You look from him, to Yunho, to San, and then finally, to Hongjoong, of whom you hold gazes with the longest.

“I don’t trust any of you after this.” Pointed glares are sent to the former four by the others you haven’t singled out. “And I don’t know if that can ever be rebuilt.”

“You weren’t going to give us a chance, anyways.” San grumbles, fingers sinking into the dirt by his legs.

You choose to not respond to his bitter comment right now.

“When he finally regains consciousness,” you motion down to Sungwoo with your head, “One of you is going to compel him to forget this ever happened. You are going to get your heads out of your fucking asses, pull up your big boy pants, and leave me the fuck alone. I want nothing to do with you after this. You may have saved my life once before, but all this has proven is that none of you are ready for a commitment like this.”

Hongjoong goes to protest.

“You let your insecurities and jealousy control you! How could I ever want that?” You round on him. “I’ve already dealt with one abusive asshole, I don’t need another.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.” You scoff, soon shifting your gaze to meet Seonghwa’s own. You stand back to your feet. “Now, Take me home.”

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slayerkitty · 1 year

Text

Let's Talk About Trust, Baby

I've seen a lot of posts where people are really confused about Mew and where his head might be at with regard to his relationship with Top. Why he hasn't given Top the boyfriend title back, why they haven't had sex yet, etc. That led me down a rabbit hole of thinking about the relationships between the characters and the one thing all relationships need to function - TRUST. If you don't trust your significant other or your friends/family, etc, what kind of relationship can you even have? I tried to break this down in groups/pairs and some of it might not be as thought out, so there may be more on this as the show goes on but here we go.

The Fab Four

So there's a lot of context we're missing about the relationships between our core four dysfunctional besties (Note: So far, Cheum doesn't seem that dysfunctional, you're doing amazing sweetie!) such as how they met, how long have they been friends (what the hell Ray and Mew got up to that one night... *ahem* I digress). Now, we don't have any real answers to these questions (yet) so I'm taking some educated guesses based on my own college experiences and what I've generally picked up from other university BLs typical story telling.

I feel like the four of them met during orientation (except maybe Ray and Mew, I'm waffling on thoughts that they've known each other since high school). Most university BLs set it up that the mains meet during orientation, bond during whatever torture the seniors are putting the freshman through and kind of build their friend groups based on that.

I also feel like they may have gravitated toward each other or remained a group because they're all queer. BLs can go either way on whether or not homophobia exists in their narrative and I think that Only Friends is going the more realistic route (and it's Jojo) so I think that I can definitely see them bonding over being queer. They find an LGBTQ bar and it becomes their thing to do together. Most friendship groups form because people just sort of fall in together due to circumstance and they seem no different.

But do they trust each other? Signs point to yes. (I was shocked too, lol)

Mew and Cheum: We haven't had much focus on her, but he seems to value her opinion and listen to her advice. (We also know that April likes him from the time they've spent together and he likes April, so I would say he and Cheum probably have pretty good trust built up.)

Mew and Boston: He believed without a single doubt when Boston said that Top had never had a lover longer than 3 months and that Top would probably, as Ray put it "nail and bail" once Mew and Top have sex. Cheum also believed Boston. Do I think Boston was lying here? No. But neither do they and that's important. Does Boston trust Mew? I think he does. His issues with Mew are not about trust.

Mew and Ray: These two vibe a little different than the rest of the group. They seem closer; they seem like they've talked about "the deep stuff" (vs maybe superficial topics with their other friends). Their first one on one scene has them talking about Ray's alcoholism seriously (even though Mew doesn't push about it as much as I would have liked) and you can tell there's an intimacy there that the other group members don't share. Whether that stems from whatever it is that happened that night in the video (I am salivating about this, it's delicious, I need more info) or because they've been friends for longer, I don't know.

Let's move on to the pairs:

Cheum and April: Do they trust each other? I assume so? Cheum goes out drinking with the boys at least once a week and April seems okay with that (we haven't heard otherwise), so I'll say yes? (Jojo, I NEED MORE OF THEM. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO EVEN ANALYZE. GIVE US MORE.)

Sand and Ray: I'm gonna call this one as Sand does not trust Ray, but Ray trusts Sand. Sand knows that Ray is a walking red flag and he's trying to resist but Ray is making it really hard. *ahem* Ray bailing mid-make out is not helping Sand's trust issue. If you look at how Sand has cared for Ray since episode one, however, Ray most likely trusts Sand. I mean, Ray talked about his mom to Sand. I think that's a biiiig deal.

Mew and Top: Thanks to Boston, neither of them trusts the other. And this, right here, is why Mew has not moved the relationship forward. HE DOESN'T TRUST TOP. He's still worried that Top will "nail and bail". Remember Mew's checklist from episode two? He only checks off "gets along with my friends" (HAH!) and "respects me" but not "doesn't lie to me". We can infer this means it hasn't been marked off since he doesn't mention it to anyone in this episode. Given that a lot of us clocked Mew potentially spotting Boston's trunks on the floor in the shower, along with him questioning if Top was telling the truth about the fire, it's clear this is the one thing holding him back.

If Mew agrees to be Top's boyfriend, then the expectation of sex becomes a lot higher (it shouldn't but that's a different discussion to be had). It's also implied in the narrative (and from Jojo) that Mew is a very structured person and he doesn't like to lose control (re-watch the counter scene from episode one. You know you want to. I'll wait). The moment that Mew realizes that he is way too into what they're doing, he panics because he doesn't have control over the situation.

Up until episode three, Top did trust Mew. He trusted him enough to get vulnerable and then Boston blew it up by fabricating a narrative backed with evidence of...something between Ray and Mew (I'm seriously dying for this scene, I need it).

Another thing I am having thoughts about is that in this episode, Top referred to himself as Mew's boyfriend and so did Cheum and Mew didn't deny it like he did in episode two. When Top's *ahem* "buddy" approached them at the silent disco, it was very clear that Mew expected Top to introduce Mew as his boyfriend and was visibly (if momentarily) upset that he didn't.

Boston and Nick: Yes and no, but also no and no, respectively. So Boston trusts Nick with some things but not everything which leads to him lying, gaslighting and manipulating (he's a triple threat). In turn, Nick lies right back, because what else can he do? (a lot of things actually, oh Nick, you are starting to spiral hard.) This leads Nick to rigging the CCTV video to show on his phone and to wiretap Boston's car, which just shows you his trust in Boston is non-existent.

In conclusion: Trust is another theme the show seems to be exploring: earning it, keeping it, and what you do after trust is broken. I think it can tie back into the ongoing ephemerality discussion as well: trust isn't permanent. You have to earn it, maintain it, and once broken, it's gone (and seldom can be repaired).

Also, everyone needs therapy.

Tagging the Ephemerality Squad: @waitmyturtles, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan, @twig-tea, @ranchthoughts, @clara-maybe-ontheroad

Hope I didn't forget anyone!

#only friends the series #thai bl #only friends meta #Hope this made sense

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musicalmoritz · 9 days

Note

Can you analyze Aoikane? Like does aoi really like Akane? Is Akane a good person to her? Doesn’t he just treat her like everyone else? Even after the severance arc?

I’m glad you asked this! I’ve written a lot about Aoi and Akane as separate characters but I haven’t really gotten to go in depth explaining their relationship. This won’t cover everything but I’ll try to address all your questions. Just a heads up, I incorporated a mix of canon evidence and personal interpretation here. I tried to address each time I was purely stating my perspective but be aware that this is very opinionated

So to answer your first question, “Does Aoi really like Akane?” the answer is no…Aoi LOVES Akane. Aoi is love with Akane to an embarrassing degree, dare I say more embarrassing than the time Mitsuba said “yes sir” to Kou

On a more serious note, Aoi loving Akane is a core part of their development. If Aoi didn’t love Akane, Akane never would have fallen in love with Aoi

This right here is the key moment, the moment when Akane realizes what he means to Aoi. He offhandedly tells her he hates her, and it makes her cry. At that age, nothing made Aoi cry, not even bullies. But she felt so strongly about Akane that the mere thought of him hating her was enough to bring her to tears

Akane’s character arc centers largely around coming to understand, empathize with, and help the people around him, so when he sees someone who needs him he goes all in offering his help. When he saw that Aoi loved him, that she would cry if he hated her, all he wanted to do was make her happy and make her feel loved. This is what he dedicated his life to, judging by everything we know about his relationship with Aoi after this event

Another way we know Aoi loves Akane is because she tells us this herself! She asks Hanako to talk about love and then explains her past with Akane. Before this, when Aoi got left behind leaving Hakubo’s boundary, she confessed to the audience that she loves Akane (“I never got to tell him I like him”). That line has clear romantic connotations, especially for a series that places so much emphasis on confession scenes. But on the train, we learn why Aoi loves Akane

To Aoi, Akane is everything she is not. He is naturally liked by people, hard-working, and kind. Aoi seems to view Akane as the epitome of a good person, and herself as the opposite. Think of it as a sun/moon dynamic, we see this with many ships in the series. Hanako seems to think similarly about Nene, considering himself a murderer and then viewing Nene as this ball of sweetness. When asked what he likes about her, he simply says “Everything.” Even Aoi was shocked lol (but this ain’t about them)

It confuses me that a lot of fans ask why Aoi likes Akane when she’s outright stated it herself. It could be that some of them haven’t finished the manga (not saying that’s you btw that wasn’t one of your questions), and hey there’s no shame in that. I just wish they would either admit they haven’t read it or look up the chapters they need to read because their arguments are lacking some pretty key information😭 Guys, step one of analyzing is to READ. But I digress

I think another explanation would be that fans don’t understand Aoi’s character, they still subconsciously view her as Nene’s popular best friend. They may not think they do, because they think the extent of her facade is pretending to be perfect. They don’t understand how she looks down on people, how she only thought about herself when Nene and Akane started acting different, and how she gets emotionally dependent on the people closest to her. There’s a reason for that too, many fans don’t like that side of Aoi. They see her express an unhealthy attachment style and decide the problem is AoiAoi rather than Aoi as a character, so they completely erase her flawed management of relationships when they write her

Aoi displays an avoidant attachment style, she pushes away the people she wants to be close with. She also arguably shows signs of BPD, and though I won’t get into that today, one of the defining symptoms is intense and unstable relationships. The sad truth is that people really hate people with avoidant attachment styles, and they really hate people with BPD (and any Cluster B personality disorder in general), so when they see Aoi expressing these traits they erase them rather than admitting they don’t like that side of her. Which is sad because you rarely see people doing that with male characters. Teru and Hanako are loved for the aspects of their personalities that are unlikable to the fanbase, whereas Aoi’s toxicity is ignored because it doesn’t fit the image fans have of her. Aoi is misunderstood by the fandom the same way she’s misunderstood by the characters in the manga

One last note on this, if you dislike Aoi just say that (again this is aimed at the general fandom, not you specifically). Don’t erase her obvious signs of mental illness, that representation is important to a lot of fans. When I wrote my TikTok essay on Aoi having BPD, I had people with BPD in the comments telling me how much they related to her. On other posts about Aoi, I’ve had people tell me how much it means to them to see a character realistically portray an avoidant attachment style. Mental illness is rarely portrayed correctly in media, and it is highly offensive to those who have it irl to erase those traits in a character just because they don’t fit your cookie-cutter image of them. And yes, I know Aoi doesn’t canonically have BPD but slandering her for traits that strongly relate to BPD is also weird (this is the opinionated part I warned you guys about lol, but yk a psych student is gonna have to lecture you on ableism)

Aoi’s feelings for Akane have also been teased since the beginning of the manga, through jealousy. She claims not to like him back, but she completely shuts down whenever he shows interest in someone else (or when someone else shows interest in him). Again, this is not a healthy response by any means but I personally think it’s an interesting character flaw, you are welcome to think otherwise🤷🏼‍♀️

She actively encourages his confessions with her point system, if she didn’t enjoy his confessions she would have turned him down from the get go. This connects back to the avoidant attachment style thing, Aoi wants Akane’s attention but she maintains distance for fear of letting him in. She keeps walls up to protect herself, because while Akane is the sun she basks in, she doesn’t really believe he likes her

This is because Akane puts her on a pedestal just like the rest of the school does. Some fans overlook this because they’re focused on post-development AoiAoi but at one point Akane made Aoi feel very isolated. It must have hurt extra since he’s her childhood friend. She thought Akane was only in love with the perfect version of her, which I don’t believe to be true. Akane loved Aoi, flaws and all, and that’s why he saw her as perfect. Most of the information we learn about Aoi is given to us through Akane, so it wouldn’t add up for him to not know her real personality. During their fight scene, he lists all her worst qualities and proceeds to kiss her hand and tell her he loves her

My conclusion is that Akane’s love for Aoi was so intense, he saw her through a rose colored glass. He knew the real her, but he loved her so much that her flaws didn’t bother him. He only focused on the good parts, and thus ended up putting her on a pedestal. He didn’t realize his behavior was hurting her up until the truth came out in chapter 69, and to answer that one part of your question, yes his behavior did change after that

He encourages Aoi to talk about herself, offering to do all of her favorite hobbies with her. He gives her free reign and support here, letting her talk and then offering solutions to her worries. He reassures her that she can fix things with Nene, which is like!! A major step in the right direction!! Akane is usually very possessive of Aoi, even when it comes to her friendships, but here he is encouraging healthy communication between her and Nene. He doesn’t deny her bad actions, but he gives her room to resolve them

After that, we see him start to treat her normally. He acts like himself around her, the same version of him we see around Teru and Nene. None of that lovestruck, over exaggerated worship we’re used to seeing him show towards Aoi. Even during the Severance, he took time to work with Nene and Teru rather than obsessively focusing on Aoi. He gave Teru motivation when he felt like quitting, even felt comfortable using their mutual love for a Aoi to fuel their rivalry. He formed an alliance with Nene even though he initially felt bitter towards her for Aoi’s disappearance. He learned to look past his own feelings enough to be there for his friends, likely because Aoi taught him to remove those rose-colored glasses. He saw that only focusing on what he wants (only focusing on Aoi) was hurting the people around him, including Aoi herself. Post chapter 69, Akane becomes much more down to earth. He still loves Aoi deeply and puts her first, but he treats her like a normal human being. This allows him to treat other people normally too

A lot of people use this chapter as evidence that Akane hasn’t changed but guys, he’s allowed to be jealous over the girl he loves. He panics here, but he doesn’t try to get violent with Teru the way we used to see him do when guys would express interest in Aoi. He doesn’t look possessive or angry here at all, just sad. He’s genuinely devastated that he’s in a world where he can’t be with the girl he loves. This is bad news for both him and Aoi, judging by the sad look she gives him as she leaves and the events of last chapter, it’s clear that this Aoi is still in love with Akane. Our Akane knows how dependent Aoi is on him, he knows that he’s the reason she’s started taking steps towards healing. Without him, all of her development gets erased, and there’s the simpler sad fact that she can’t be with the man she loves. Akane wants happiness for both of them, there’s nothing wrong with that

Even when he confesses to her, it looks so much more genuine than the old scenes of his confessions. It gets a full page, they’re both blushing and their eyes are full of light. His words are so genuine too, he doesn’t wax on about how perfect and delicate she is, all he does is promise to love her forever. For someone with such severe abandonment issues like Aoi has, those words are all she’s ever wanted to hear. Her father left when she was young, then the two people closest to her started to pull away from her (not in this universe but still). She’s terrified that people will hate her, that everyone will leave her if she reveals her true self. And here Akane is, promising to love her and only her for as long as they both shall live (and beyond that)

So, yes, I truly do believe Akane’s behavior towards Aoi has changed. And keep in mind, the manga isn’t over yet, they will have more development. We just learned Aoi’s backstory with her father leaving and her mommy issues, there’s still so much we don’t know about the characters. They still have a long way to go, so if they haven’t grown as much as you’d like then give them some time!! But they have made a lot of progress already, and I wish more fans recognized that

As for the question of whether or not he’s a good person to her, that’s very subjective!! Some fans don’t like any level of toxicity in their ships, so chapter 69 was enough for them to write off AoiAoi entirely. That’s perfectly fine, no one should feel forced to like a ship that makes them uncomfortable. Some love toxic ships, some only love toxic ships if they have development, and others love ships with extreme toxicity (I finished Interview with the Vampire season 1 today so that is where I’m at right now lol)

Let me ask you a few questions though. Is Kou a good person to Mitsuba, for mimicking the actions of his abuser and force-feeding him?? Is Hanako a good person to Nene for attempting to trap her in a fake world and kill her best friend? Is Hakubo a good person to Sumire for eating her alive? Is Natsuhiko a good person to Sakura for letting them destroy the world? Are any of these characters good people to each other???

All of those situations have nuance, and so does AoiAoi. Yes, Akane choked Aoi, but only because she was about to kill herself. She was in a shinigami’s boundary, talking about wanting to “go somewhere far away” and never return. If he hadn’t done something, she never would have returned from the far shore. That doesn’t excuse his actions, but it provides some perspective. Akane wouldn’t choke Aoi under normal circumstances, just like Kou wouldn’t force-feed Mitsuba under normal circumstances. However, both of them would go to those extremes if it meant protecting the ones they love. I personally believe it’s toxic, but some fans insist it’s completely justified because they were doing it for the greater good. Again, it all comes down to perspective

Their dynamic also largely relies on the yandere!Akane gag, which is very hit or miss for some people. Although it’s for comedic purposes, those scenes did happen in canon and they happen a lot. They can be very distracting and cause fans to feel confused once they’re introduced to the deeper side of AoiAoi, which is understandable. Part of peoples’ interpretation on AoiAoi’s level of toxicity comes down to how serious they take the yandere jokes, and how much they like yandere characters. If you hate yandere characters but don’t take the gag too seriously, you’ll be able to overlook it. However, if you hate yandere characters AND you take the gag seriously…AoiAoi might be a difficult ship to accept

Otherwise, Akane does look out for Aoi a lot. He beats up guys who harass her, he asks her how her talk with Nene went, he checks on her injured hand, he will stop at nothing to save her when she’s in danger and, well…the list goes on. There’s no denying Akane cares about Aoi, though some fans may argue he cares about her to a toxic extent. I find that attitude a little hypocritical when they like every other toxic canon ship, but every ship has different appeals so I get it. I’m very biased tho so every argument I see against AoiAoi is just words, words, words

Keep in mind that the TBHK characters and their relationships are all meant to be flawed. This is an imperfect cast of characters who all want to be loved, who have their own goals and try desperately to save each other even though they’re doomed to fail. I wouldn’t call every character morally gray, but they’re realistically flawed. Akane and Aoi want to be together, but they have a lot of individual issues to work through first. They’re undoubtedly better together though, seeing as the progress they make is because of each other (I gave Akane credit for Aoi’s development earlier but it goes both ways!!). If they were separated, we wouldn’t see them grow as much as they have. That doesn’t have to be romantic ofc but I do believe that Aoi and Akane make each other better, they just have to go through the process of making each other worse first in order to get there

I am a person who LOVES flawed characters and relationships. If the ship doesn’t have a splash of codependency, I don’t want it. I incorporate sadomasochism into almost every fic I write. My view of AoiAoi is going to be different from that of someone that isn’t interested in flawed characters/ships (yes, you’re allowed to prefer characters that are “morally pure”). If you’re looking for something that’s pure fluff then AoiAoi most likely isn’t for you, very few TBHK ships are unless you’re heavily fanonizing them. That’s simply the nature of this manga, there’s a reason we’ve seen every canon couple hit each other at some point. It’s not as bad as some fans suggest, but it’s still messy. I want to reiterate that this isn’t aimed at you specifically but I feel it’s something the fandom as a whole needs to hear. Of course, there are toxic ship enjoyers who may not find AoiAoi interesting, but every complaint I’ve heard about them so far has been about their toxicity so that’s what I’m addressing. I personally find it to be tame compared to the other ships but not everyone is going to interpret it the same way

Thank you very much for this ask, I got a little carried away with the yapping lol. I’m a bit worried I’m gonna get hate for this one since it’s kinda controversial and I got very opinionated at times…please know that I didn’t mean to offend anyone or invalidate any other opinions. If you feel that I did that then feel free to block me. I hope everyone reading this has a nice day <3

#aoiaoi #aoikane #analysis #aoi akane #akane aoi #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #ask #ask me anything #peep the hamlet reference #tw: sui mention

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whinlatter · 9 months

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So I am obsessed with Beasts. And specifically I cannot stop thinking about Ginny and Hermione getting ready for the NYE party. It made me start wondering if Hermione has ever felt jealous of Ginny? Like they grew up together and Ginny was the younger girl, who was excluded from the “Harry/Hermione/Ron club” so she’s obviously felt a little jealous and left out there (which you explore so well!! Agh the telling Harry it’s fine, and maybe he’d rather hang out with them than her, and pretending to herself she doesn’t care!! But I digress). But now I’m wondering if Hermione has ever felt the same about Ginny and if you will explore this more in this work or a later one? Because Ginny is cool. She’s Hot, she’s sexy, she’s popular. She pulls off that Union Jack dress perfectly and has got everyone looking at her. She’s many things that Hermione is not (or hasn’t chosen to be). While Ginny has had lines of boys wanting to go out with her, Hermione has had Harry and Ron who are her best friends.. but Harry’s not an option (for either of them) and Ron has been pretty pigheaded and oblivious through a lot of their relationship (and her as well lol). And we don’t see a lot of evidence in canon that she has many other friends. People see her as the know-it-all, kinda awkward, sometimes ruthless (rip Marietta) girl. But i guess my point is, Hermione isn’t seen as hot, sexy, popular, cool like Ginny is. The Yule ball was her one big moment really. So her putting on that little black dress and letting herself be hot… idk it gets me feeling some type of way. Like yes you go girl! And I want to know Hermiones feelings here in regards to Ginny. Like I imagine she’s happy for her, but I wonder did she ever feel sort of left out of that part of girlhood/coming into womanhood that Ginny had just so naturally embraced?

THANK YOU for reading and for the beasts love, you legend 🫶

so i have been thinking about this question a lot! no-one will be surprised to discover that i find hermione and ginny's relationship in canon so so interesting. it's neither the relationship of natural besties, but nor does it seem to be a relationship of pure convenience: there's genuine love and warmth there, the swapping of confidences, meaningful advice, emotional support in moments of distress, and more than a little boy scheming (taylor swift wrote mastermind about hermione and ginny, change my mind). i tend to think of them as sisters, though very much with hermione as the big sister, and ginny as the little.

i say this because i think my answer is no, i don't think hermione would be jealous of ginny as a hot popular girl, in canon or after the war as i imagine it in beasts. but i do think that there might be reasons for different kinds of insecurity and jealousy from hermione towards ginny, especially after the war. full reasoning and minor beasts spoilers below the cut!

one of the funniest things about hermione is that, by her mid-teens, she's reasonably self-assured about her social position and her place on the dreaded teen romance market. after she's made some mates and sorted her teeth out (something she clearly was insecure about), she's pretty content. she doesn't feel especially upset about the absence of a large circle of friends or crave the approval of the other girls in her year, parvati and lavender. she has harry and ron's friendship for a lot of her emotional needs (and, beginning in GoF, ginny, for the one's that they can't meet). when it comes to boys, hermione consistently really backs herself (as she should). when krum's interested in her, she's flattered but not astonished that this international quidditch player would want to ask her out, and the ball's mostly in her court throughout their courtship (ok penpals!) when she wants to make ron jealous, she backs herself to be able to bag both cormac and zacharias and to have her pick of them (icon). she enjoys a nice dress up - the yule ball, the wedding - and knows she scrubs up well. and while she's tapped into the public mood/gossip mill (romilda vane's love potions, harry's growing fanciability, cho's quidditch fortunes), she's not especially interested in popularity herself. she'd rather be thought of as clever than she would hot or popular, for better or worse. i think we should take hermione's encouragement that ginny tap into the growing number of boys who fancy the pants off her to help get over harry in good faith. in her mind, ginny's her little sister, and hermione gets a lot out of trying to steer her towards things that might make her happy. (she disdains fleur for her obsession with appearance and seeming desire for male attention, but she thinks of ginny as her ally in being opposed to such things, not another rival).

(that doesn't mean i think hermione doesn't ever feel insecure or even feel humiliated socially, but that her insecurities are more about her feelings for specific people (read: ronald bilius weasley) than they are about the approval of her peers. when ron takes the piss out of her in HBP, for instance, she's less upset that parvati and lavender laugh at her than she is that ron, who she fancies, is mocking her and the other girl who fancies him, lavender, is laughing at her. for the most part, hermione in canon is happy as she is)

that said... i do think that hermione might have complicated, or even jealous feelings towards ginny in other contexts. in canon, the tensions in hermione and ginny's relationship are the moments where the big sister/little sister dynamic is most visible, or else when ginny tries to reject hermione's big sisterly approach and assert herself as hermione's equal. in OotP, when hermione becomes a prefect and ginny spends the prefect party laughing with tonks and sirius about behaving badly, we see hermione's big sistery approach on display, as well as her teetering with a desire to get involved with the troublemakers while also remaining pretty committed to being well-behaved in her bones. we see elsewhere that while hermione advises ginny, we have no evidence that that happens the other way around, or at least that hermione takes any of ginny's advice (it seems to hard to imagine ginny approving the cormac/zacharias plan, for one). their fight in HBP over sectumsempra isn't ginny calling hermione on not being involved in quidditch because she's not cool enough, it's the suggestion from ginny that hermione is wrong about harry's best interests, doing up i-told-you-so, being too wrapped up in her own ego over the prince's book, and then trying to manipulate ginny by bringing up quidditch in the first place (which causes ginny to go for the jugular and bring hermione's intellect, and lack of understanding on quidditch, into it). hermione's disdain for how much time harry and ginny are spending together during exam szn is also plainly big sistery, and, as it bothers harry, i think we can assume it's also something that ginny would grate against too.

in the post-war world (as i see it in beasts) i think these dynamics would be more visible than ever. ginny's lived a certain kind of war that's made her less happy to be patronised or dismissed as a little sister figure rather than an equal: she's also a symbol of the world hermione feels increasingly lost in. hermione is head girl of a student body she feels extremely removed from, while ginny is widely respected as a resistance leader among the other students, and especially admired within the DA. her conflict with ginny is really an extension of hermione's post-war conflict in general, which is about her place in the wizarding world at large: where does she fit in, in this post-war world that's both so different but also (in lots of troubling ways) very much the same, full of many of the same prejudices and problems that defined wizarding society in the interwar years. another of hermione’s big postwar conflicts, in my mind, and in fanon more generally, is about hermione's relationship with her self - as a former soldier now trying to go back to normal young adulthood - and her relationship with her family. the reason i wanted hermione in that little black dress looking fit was partly to have her try and reach out to her pre-war self who did enjoy getting dolled up and stunting on the hoes (even if maybe not in a dress quite so short, slay), but also to have her play with the idea of being allowed to do something so frivolous like look fit to turn her boyfriend on (real slay), and to have her start to publicly wrestle with a different set of external expectations, not from her peers, but perhaps from a parent she recognises she doesn’t really know:

Hermione tries for a smile, sad eyes tracing the dress’ low neckline. ‘My mum would hate it,’ she mutters. ‘She - ’ She shakes her head, throws up her hands. ‘I don’t know. Maybe she wouldn’t. I don’t know.’

i always think about that scene early in PoA where hermione and ginny are laughing with mrs weasley about love potions. it's such a cute moment - really the first hermione and ginny friendship moment in the series - and i'm very struck that it's a moment of real fun and levity that happens with this mother figure present (especially when hermione has just ditched hers to go hang out with the weasleys for what will be the first of many times). i don’t want to say too much for where things are going in beasts, but just that i think it’s significant that hermione and ginny’s first real girly friendship moment happens in the presence of a warm maternal figure who adores her daughter, imbuing hermione and ginny’s relationship with a sisterly-ness but also bringing into the dynamic the example of mothers and intergenerational female relationships. ginny has a very specific relationship with her mum; i imagine hermione has a very different one with hers, and i think that matters for who hermione is but also her relationship with ginny, just a bit.

loved thinking about this one, thank you so much!

#these girls #love em #thank you!!!#beasts #minor beasts spoilers #hermione granger #female friendship #meta #ginny weasley #romione

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david-goldrock · 6 months

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that sort of makes like half sense to me, but it doesn't seem very democratic at all. it appears very insidious. while I support palestine, I appreciate your answer, and I hope you will choose to consume media of international sources, because I worry that this law is just a farce to push a narrative your government wants you to believe, you know? peace & love

lol an act against democracy in a time of crisis? with my bibi Netanyahu?? no wayyy.

Believe me, if this was a real news source, there would be mass demonstrations about it. nobody wants this organization here, it is nothing but bad for our country. the only reason this doesn't pass with 100 Knesset members is that it is a clear violation of the right to free press(I don't think foreign organizations are supposed to have that right anyway, but I digress)

anyway, I hope you don't use this absolutely bogus "news" organization, It's Qatari propaganda, to an extreme level. if you wanna see how much, get to the Arab version of this site.

I read everything from BBC to Israel hayom, and I also go around the country and talk with friends who are\were in there. the amount of misinformation you westerners are getting is insane, please for the love of god, Israel still has free press, the government didn't influence the media (at least as far as we know, at least in this subject, there is a reason our PM is up for trial), read times of Israel, the jerusalem post, or even Israel Hayom (yes, even they have a better track record to these Hamas spokespeople).

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according2thelore · 6 months

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Hi I love your writing so much! Your late seasons/early seasons verse is one of the most interesting things to come out of this fandom, and I’m always impressed with you well you understand the characters. I was wondering, Do you think the earlier seasons boys would find any parts of later seasons Sam and Dean to be similar to John? You don’t have to answer, if you’re too busy with other asks. Have a great day!

oh shit?? holy shit??

anon?? kissing u with passion rn, anon. this compliment just made the rest of my week + an extra bonus week! i don't even know what to say! BUT THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

and YES! I DO! we talked about this in my post on tuesday, but what specific parts of each LS!Sam&Dean remind them of john?? oh worm? let's discuss!

For ES!Sam:

again, i think LS!Sam reminds him the most of john, for a couple of reasons. for sam, he experienced john's parenting as mostly arguing and being unwilling to discuss/hear sam out. it's his way or the highway, and that's something sam really resents about his father (we're not breaking new ground here, lol.) he also hates not being treated like an equal/adult, and resents john for hiding things from him, and keeping him at a distance. sounds familiar? sam getting mad at john for being stubborn is real kettle-pot behaviour, but i digress. LS!Sam absolutely makes the ban on telling-them-the-future conversations. he has a very set idea of how things are supposed to go, and how they are supposed to act. he gets easily frustrated with ES!Sam because ES!Sam presses and presses and presses and wants to Be A Part Of Every Conversation All The Time. ES!Sam resents LS!Sam for "babying" him/not treating him like an equal. ES!Sam felt very patronized by john, and feels very patronized by LS!Sam--the holier-than-thou, i-know-better-than-you-end-of-discussion rubs him WRONG.

as for LS!Dean, i think he would appreciate the softness of him. john had quiet moments. again, if we're going with S!2, sam has softened towards his father in retrospect, so he's primed with john's better moments while he's mourning. LS!Dean is protective. he says simple facts, and it feels like more than the words do (you're my brother. and of course i look out for you. and yes, i am happy. and come here for a second. and are you okay?) he can of course see some of john's anger, but i think it would bother him a little less, because LS!Dean makes such a concentrated effort to make him feel included, and a part of this future. he invites sam out to the garage and cooks him breakfast and they bond over common things, like movies pre-2006. the most negative thing he can say about LS!Dean and john is his control. while LS!Sam is more stubborn, LS!Dean is more controlling. he's a little smothering with his mothering.

For ES!Dean:

with all the fawning he does, he sees mostly john's good qualities in LS!Sam. specifically, i think he sees a lot of the "doting" aspects of john's personality. sam keeps knick-knacks and photographs and takes charge like nobody's business. he's in charge because things work well that way. he's decisive, and true to himself, and knows exactly what he wants when he wants it. he has a truly encyclopedic knowledge of monsters, and is intensely protective of those in his life. the most negative thing he can say about LS!Sam and john is that LS!Sam tends to give orders. which ES!Dean follows, because while he wasn't always sure about dad, sammy has his best intentions at heart. unlike dad, sammy will never ask the impossible of him. sammy knows best.

however, he sees a lot of negative traits in LS!Dean. dad was absent, and emotionally manipulative, and drunk. he had a lot of anger that he kept beneath the surface, and you could be joking with him the one minute and being scolded in the other. you felt like the most important person in his world (high burden of emotional needs) and then he'd disappear for two months and leave you to fend for yourself. very up/down. he never remembers your birthday, but while elbow-deep into a fifth of whisky, he tells you that you and sammy are the only reason he still cares to be alive. he sees LS!Dean's short fuse, and it makes him angry. and it makes him sad. he sees the bottles and bottles and bottles of liquor that they have in the sammy-mandated recycling bin. he sees the hard set of his jaw and the crease between his brows, and the short, sharp replies. then he sees LS!Dean's soft looks with ES!Sam, his quiet devotion to LS!Sam, the far-away stare at nothing. he sees his father, haunted by ghosts and on a mission that LS!Dean seems hyper-focused on, but unsure what it is. so he tries to hyper-control everyone around him, and is so up/down about it that it gives dean whiplash.

i think overall, they will be a lot more critical of themselves than they will be of each other (bc this show loves to capitalize on some self-hating man pain, which...y'know. slay. that's why we're here.) so i think a lot of their perception of "john" qualities will be skewed. especially since we see S!2 boys, but especially dean, be more critical of their relationship with john.

if you had an angry man in your house, you will always have an angry man in your house, etc. etc.

again, i have NO IDEA if these john takes are hot takes because charlotte and i just go "i agree!" "i agree!" back and forth in an endless loop whenever we discuss the man in question. but i hope this was fun!

anyway, i hope YOU have a great day, anon! i hope i answered this in a time when you'll see it! i always worry about anons not being able to see these when i reply bc y'all don't get notified.

but know that this meant so much to me! and i hope you're doing well this fine thursday! i always have time for you, blessed nonnie!

mwah!

-lizzy <3

#ask box #lizzy answers #ES/LS verse #spn meta #again kinda?#we're johnblogging this week #anon <3

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

Text

Trigger warning: BTS Book Spoiler related to Jimin and me rambling sort of.

Okay.

I'm sorry, but is this the person his solos and diet solos think can't handle things that concern him?

I mean... Jimin is really something else.

He's a menace? Can you even imagine how Jungkook has any chance, any chance at all, of ignoring Jimin's humour and charms?

His wit is so good. And I suspect his charisma is borne of his intelligence, kindness, and self awareness. The way he didn't agree until he got a satisfactory answer? This man is not doing anything that compromises his intelligence or self-respect. Ever. And it kinda sickens me that since I opened this blog I've had to deal with weird asks from his stans who feel otherwise and are obsessed with painting him as a victim.

In my opinion, but I digress.

As another Anon said,

Yes and Amen to all of that. Love Jimin. Focus on him. Celebrate the things you find special about him. Learn something from JK here:

youtube

...on how to love Jimin.

One of the things I think is special about Jimin, is how he detaches from social media frequently. I've applied it in practice to my own life and it's been helpful.

Anyway, the book is pretty good. He stole my heart a little with that elegantly crafted anecdote lol. Jimin is such a dream.

I hope you all get a chance to read it.

#jimin #park jimin #bts #kpop #bangtan #jikook #kookmin #Youtube

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lemedstudent2021 · 4 months

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Where should Jews live? Where do they belong? Where do you consider their native land to be? Honest question.

an honest question deserves an honest answer so here ya go:

Anywhere and everywhere. Jews- the followers of the Abrahamic religion Judaism- along with Muslims, Christians, Atheists, Sikhs, Vegans, and literally any human being under the sun have the right to live wherever they please (given certain criteria are met like visas and that it isnt a military station/ off limits area etc).

Yes my dear reader(s) you read that right; ones faith or lack thereof shouldnt be an obstacle in any aspect of ones life, be it medical services, education, job opportunities, so on and so forth. How novel.

That answers where they 'should' live (although I dont by any means impose anything on anyone; y'all do whatever as long as its legal and harms no one including yourself. God bless). Could is more accurate.

As for where they 'belong', this in my opinion is one of the beauties of religion: people from all walks of life can belong to a religion. Diversity lies at the heart of our existence as human beings and denying it is like denying the existence of the sun. Tolerance is a must if we are ever going to get along with each other. And this belonging isn't irrevocabley tied to geography. But I digress :)

Quick aside just so we're all on the same page: converting to a religion renders you just as valid and equal as someone born into a religion. Most if not all religions preach equality between their followers regardless of background, so i wont hear anything of 'oh theyre not real xyz' or 'they dont count' or any of that bs.

By this logic (religious demographics are, generally speaking, very diverse), there is no 'this set of people belong here, and those over there' ...and proof of that in a sense would be atheists/ agnostics; where would they 'belong'? Antarctica? Outer space? alright ill stop XD

If that were the case, most of the planet would be crammed in the Middle East lol [Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon alone are home to 34M (as of 2023), and the followers of the 3 main Abrahamic religions are an estimated 3.4B (as of 2020) globally. We wouldnt fit even if we used one of these]. Yeah nationality/ race/ ethnicity/ background influence and maybe even dictate one's religious identity, but it isn't the all or nothing we may think it to be.

Which brings us nicely to the next point, and here if you'll allow me i'd like to correct it to native land of Judaism (where it originated/ flourished/ spread whatever) as opposed to native land of Jews because as i mentioned above, a religion doesnt (or shouldnt) differentiate nor discriminate between its followers. By restricting them to one geographical location (and for some using it as an indicator of their authenticity) we do them great disservice as well as contradict the teachings themselves. A demonstration:

Im Jordanian right, (dad's maternal side are from bilad al sham; Syria) and im a born Muslim alhamdulillah. My dads Malaysian roommates from his uni days are also born Muslims (and have the best food lol, my all time favourite is lemak cili padi) and seperating us on the basis of them not being Arab or Middle Eastern is unislamic, intolerant, xenophobic, and wrong on every level. Alternatively, im just as Muslim as someone from Mecca or Medina. We're all Muslim. we are the world...

Circling back, Judaism the religion is native to the Holy land (I guess you can say it started in Egypt till it moved there but idk. Regardless), and Jews (adherants of the faith) can't in my humble opinion be fairly categorised as one monolithic unit... just like any and every other faith out there.

Another quick aside; this is merely a tumblr post that cant do the history and culture and intricacies and so much more of this matter a portion of the justice it deserves. I am but a tired medical student answering to the best of my abilities a question I was asked with my limited knowledge in theology and perspective in general, so do me a favour and keep that in mind. And to anyone reading this if you have questions or corrections or resources or anything you want to mention be my guest :)

If you're still here, I'm both grateful and amused. Here's what you probably came for, the piece de resistance if you will: 🍉israel🍉

Disclaimer: thanks for reading this far, but if you disagree in any way shape or form with any of the 30 human rights articles, you may as well stop reading and put your device through the shredder. Bigots, racists, fascists, anti vaxxers etc. dni

So far ive seen this idea, call it what you will, two times (which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened to me twice consecutively), that claims the freedom of Palestine equals a genocide of the Jews.

Er, no? No ma'am. One does not solve a genocide by comitting another genocide. What part of 'never again' are we missing here?

Before we get into politcal nominations and factions and other territories i dont plan on invading (pun intended) but might accidentally cross anyway (I forgot where i was going with this) i want to remind everyone that Judaism is not synonymous with Israel nor zionism (if u disagree with this go ahead and shred ur device too).

A refresher: Judaism is a religion, Israel is an illegal-occupying-apartheid-state, and Zionism is a movement/ ideology

So 'genocide of the Jews' is both wrong (diction) and more wrong (factually incorrect) in that the liberation of Palestine means freedom from oppression, discrimination, settler colonialism... the whole nine yards. Enough bloodshed already its been nearly 76 years.

When Netenyahu is eventually drop kicked out of office (and hopefully hung, drawn, and quartered for his plentiful warcrimes) what happens to the (illegal) citizens of Israel? Well first off, return the stolen homes and land to their rightful owners who have the keys (and documents if they werent tampered with or erased) to prove it.

As for the illegal-under-international-law settlements and new also illegal establishments; I have no idea what international laws will decree (not that I have that much faith in the judiciary system), but I assume they will be seized and evicted of the illegal tenants (how you like me now?) and given to those who have been displaced or homes ruined etc. because its theirs and theirs alone and it was unlawfully and cruelly taken away from them and not because the (remaining lol) former Israeli citizens can't or shouldn't live in palestine. they can go live somewhere where its legal. the priority is Palestinians tho.

What about the indigenous everyone else? As long as their houses aren't stolen or illegal they can should stay because its legal and its theirs and thats that. you cannot kick someone out of their home to give it to another (which was the basis of the creation of Israel.) because its ✨i l l e g a l✨

And the people who dont belong so to speak? I think this one's case by case; like I said at the very, very beginning; people have the right to live wherever as long as its legal and ok to do so regardless of faith or background, and no one should be denied their right to live in Palestine as a country like any other, but they certainly must be denied living in homes stolen and given to them because thats, say it with me now, illegal <3

#pls excuse any grammatical/ spelling errors; i had a big exam yesterday and lectures resumed today and im still recovering lol #no joke this has taken me more than 5 hours to write #i have a raging headache and overdue lectures to study #and i dont regret it #if anyone reading this learnt anything or widened their perspective if only a bit it will have been more than worth it #im a sucker for any sort of knowledge and insight and i know my effort wont be lost :)#to anon thank you for the question. i hope i answered you well #if not #ah well #(if there is something specific tho id be interested to hear)#...unless this was satire or something and it flew right over my head. can you smell the overthinking?#i tried to keep this as real to life as possible because lots of things get lost over the internet communication-wise #hence the bad jokes and puns and references #not to make light of the situation on the ground #but to seem yk human and not robotic and unfeeling #idk i tried #do with that what you will #tag me tho #im so tired #but alhamdulillah #yall i reread everyhting to use capital letters and apostrophes wheres my nobel prize in literature? (mostly)#free palestine #free gaza #free rafah #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #fuck israel #its illegal xxx #ask #answered #anon ask

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runawaymun · 3 months

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question that you do not have to answer: are you lgbt? and are there lgbt ppl in your church? i was just wondering how common it is for lgbt ppl to be practicing christians and vice versa

I am bi and genderqueer, yes. Several of my friends are practicing Christian and also queer to some degree (we have like one token straight friend haha) — though we kind of all collected each other through the power of gaydar. The deacon(ess) at our church has been quite open about being queer as well, and the rest of the leadership seems more or less supportive.

It’s hard to say how common or uncommon it is. In my experience, I’d lean on the side of uncommon purely because the church has deeply sinned against its queer members historically, and that’s not a wound which quickly heals — but I grew up baptist. It all very much depends on your location and the denomination of church. I live in a liberal area and the church I go to is ECLA Lutheran, who as a whole are queer affirming and allow queer people to hold leadership. The main pastor at our church isn’t comfortable officiating queer weddings — but has no problem allowing other members of staff to do it. I respect that bc I very much prefer for people to err on the side of following their own conscience. He isn’t hateful or bigoted, but he is definitely more traditional.

As far as how common it is to have practicing queer people in church, I think it’s far more common than people think and much more common than people at church think. We are all just pretty quiet about it unless the church is an affirming one. The climate of each church can vary. We tend to find each other and find allies. People stay at churches for a number of reasons that have nothing to do with how affirming the leadership at that church is.

Quaker and ECLA churches tend to be affirming. The ones I hate the most are the psuedo-nondenominational liberal churches of the likes I attended for years, because they’re bigoted but they aren’t honest about it. It’s very much “love the sinner, hate the sin”, and the general idea is “it’s okay to experience same sex attraction but don’t act on it, and don’t talk about it”. At least the outright conservative churches are upfront.

But I digress. There are many, many queer practicing Christians across the whole spectrum of Christian denominations. I’ve met several at every church I’ve ever attended. The main reason I took so long to find an affirming church is that my top priority when looking is that the church must believe in and uphold the Bible (or else, like, why are we here lol). I know that the Bible itself actually has nothing to say about queer people in consensual relationships, so there is no need to throw out scripture in an attempt to be affirming. Churches that err on one extreme of the spectrum or the other are, in my opinion, intellectually lazy or dishonest.

But the trend is for the better imo. The kids in church these days seem to be much better off, and my hope for them is that they will never be hurt and question God’s love for them like I did for so long.

Oof, digressing more, sorry! I am very passionate about this whole topic. Anyway I hope that answers your question, thank you!

#Christianity #queer christianity

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hay1ock · 1 year

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FFS, Boston. And there you have my review of Only Friends Episode 5. See you next time.

No but seriously, what the heck? There was nothing subtle or sly this time round, Boston went straight for the jugular with Ray this episode *takes a breath* My poor baby just wanted to drink, get high and avoid his problems. Give my puppy-eyed, depressed, alcoholic cutie pie a break would ya?

Ramble mode activated. I start these with good intentions of having some sort of order to my thoughts but think with every episode I get even more random and all over the place lol. So I shall apologise to anybody reading this in advance.

Where to (try to) focus first? I guess Sand (and Ray) as he opened the episode for us. I like the idea of us and our heroes sharing the same 24 hours. We might not fill them the same way but the fact it’s the same for everyone, not an hour less or an hour more, everybody gets 24, I never thought about it that way. I kind of like it. I don’t really have a ranking for the characters other than Ray, who is currently sitting very pretty at the top. And I think… probably… Top earned himself his position down at the bottom (yes even Boston’s outburst this episode didn’t have me yeeting him into the deepest darkest pit - I hate his actions, but also kind of love it all going to shit - however, this is under the assumption that everything, somehow, will work out for Ray and Sand in the end. If not, then Boston, sorry, I’ll be going ‘This is Sparta’ on your ass and you’re plummeting to the darkest depths of the rankings). The other 4 main boys currently all sit in between Ray and Top, shuffling around depending on the day lol. But I digress, what I meant to say was OMG I love Sand. He earned himself a little best boy badge this episode. For the time being at least, he seems the most grounded and stable.

It was great to get to see into his life and his routines. I love that he allowed Ray to experience his world. And I think that it’s the sweetest thing ever that despite all his whining, Ray went along with everything Sand said so he could spend the day with him - ate his breakfast, got on the bike, played dress up, waited in the crowd to save their spot, let Sand treat him to a beer, sang karaoke. He took an interest. He didn’t poo-poo the secondhand clothes simply said they weren’t his thing. He asked about Sand’s dreams (Like does Ray actually have dreams of his own? The hostel was a dream Mew had FOR him and his future. Does a guy slowly killing himself with alcohol think to dream, hope, plan for a future?). He wanted to help with the ‘debt collectors’ (I think even Sand would be willing to accept Ray bailing him out if for the sake of his mum), asked about Sand’s mum, answered Sand’s question about his own mum (god the way Sand faltered pouring that drink as soon as Ray said how his mum died), and even right at the end offered to answer any questions Sand had about what Boston had said about Mew (The way Ray said ‘okay?’ and ‘Sand’🥺). The little steps Ray, actually both of them had taken were made meaningless when Boston revealed what he did. I hated seeing Ray go straight for the alcohol in order to cope with what had gone down. I just hope they weren’t pushed too many steps back.

That last scene in bed was heartbreaking. They had shared so many intimate moments across the day, and not just the tension between them at breakfast and in the changing room. Ray had gotten to meet Sand’s mom - I couldn’t with his little face when he mouthed ‘Happy birthday’ when they sang the second time, as if it was a whole new world. I would assume his birthdays when his mum was alive were vastly different considering her depression and drinking. The girl at the concert, the way she was introduced to show that Ray’s attention was truly on Sand. And the way Ray was hanging off Sand and leaning against him so easily at the party and… Sighs. The bubble bursts and we’re in bed and Sand is turning away from him, thinking there’s no way he can fit into Ray’s 24 hours, that he isn’t special enough to get his own ‘extra hour’, gah I wanted to cry. I mean Ray had made time for you that very day, Sand! Noooo. It doesn’t help First plays the sad and hurt puppy face so well. There was a lot going on, they’d been drinking so don’t blame Sand for being overwhelmed and thinking it easier to back off, just shut the conversation down, at least right then. Hearing about Top again, the fact Top’s with someone Ray loves probably brought up some unwanted memories of his ex, along with finding out Ray had been in love with Mew for years and he probably couldn’t see how he could possibly compete with that. And then we have Ray, who I don’t know if he’s in any way equipped or sober enough to be able to comfort Sand or express himself in that moment, so just says ‘Happy Birthday’ as it’s now after 1 am. What a way to start the day 😭

Speaking of Ray. He was never going to win to be honest when he said he and Sand were just friends. Granted they’ve been all touchy-feely, and flirty (Ray has been that way from the start - ‘light it for me’) but we’re not aware of them discussing anything beyond the initial ‘friends’ agreement. We don’t know if they’ve had sex again, if Sand had kept to his one time rule. I would assume so. Is it just kissing and making each other feel good? Or has it mostly been Ray going round, drinking, and passing out? At first, when Sand said about Ray wanting to hang with him again I thought he was referencing the music store date and Ray driving him about that day. But when they were getting wasted, he did say any more than this and he would have to start charging rent, which implies Ray’s been hanging out and staying over a few times, probably not wanting to be at home, alone, drowning his sorrows in the bathtub every night. If they’ve been in each other’s company that much, I can understand Sand getting ideas in his head.

But what was Ray supposed to do? Go against what he still considered Sand’s wishes? Friends was what was agreed. Even this episode, regarding his birthday Sand said, “Who are you to think you need to know.” Granted, he’s expressed stuff to his mum and it’s written on his face (especially for the audience) that he does think more about Ray. But as far as Ray’s concerned Sand’s drawn, and keeps redrawing, the line at friends, very flirty friends, but friends nonetheless, and are far from declaring themselves boyfriends (I suppose he could have added they were friends who’d had sex and hang out and Sand likes sticking his hand in his pants… yeah maybe not). It hurts that Sand was hurt by what Ray said, but I can’t really blame Ray for choosing to say they’re friends. If one or both are feeling a way about their ‘friends’ label, they really need to have a proper talk. And soon. Sand saying, ‘It’s nothing to do with him’ and that he’s not special hurt him, Ray and ME!! And next ep we probably get the “What are we to each other?” argument. *Takes a breath* If Boston hadn’t interfered maybe they could have started to figure something out. But nope, he stole away any progress they’d been making, at least for now.

Extra random Ray and Sand things.

1. Sand has some interesting t-shirts. I liked the Home Alone one he had on when cooking breakfast.

2. Ray saying he’s no Bruce Wayne *eyes dead parents* I mean, Ray’s halfway there. Oops 🫢

3. I actually think Ray (Khaotung) suited the tighter fitting t-shirts. The yellow actually looked good, but gotta say that bold pink one… nice.

4. Sand’s mum is an angel (a loud, crazy, pretending to be in trouble to surprise her baby boy for his birthday angel) She’s so friendly and would love for her to dote on Ray a little. BL gods please protect her.

5. That cookie eating scene in the party montage 🫠

6. Yo is a queen and deserves to be treated as such.

Okay. It was quite a Ray and Sand heavy episode so not sure I have as much to waffle on about for the others but here we go. Top and Mew next. I just… why does their relationship fill me with so much anxiety? Taken as stand alone encounters, they’re actually super cute. The little dates this episode were really nice. A cute little bike ride and Mew snuggling up to Top’s arm. Like, they have some really sweet moments… BUT… I just can’t get over the small controlling aspects within it. Like this episode Top continues to trouble me with first saying about swapping the project to his hotel, the small dig at Ray and Boston over their parts in the project, then the LASIK thing (and the fact Mew appears to have gone through with it based on the preview.) The blind dating restaurant, I mean it sounds a really cool idea, but again it put Mew in a vulnerable place. I mean Mew was literally in the dark this time rather than figuratively over the fact Top slept with Boston. Ponders. Am I supposed to feel this way? Is it just because I know more than Mew does? They just leave me uneasy.

So, Mew decided to sleep with Top. I’m a bit sad he had feelings that he had to, though I do think he’d maybe reached a point regardless where he had fallen for Top enough and built enough trust to want to do it. I had wondered if the attention Top was getting from other men was in part Mew’s paranoia, though it might have been happening, whether his imagination was heightened by that fear Top might get bored. Despite the uneasiness I get from them, I do believe there are genuine feelings between the two of them. Mew was looking so enamoured in the end section of the date, but again, was the way that Top was behaving just part of Mew’s imagination. From paranoia to embellishing the romance of the moment?

The fact Mew phoned Boston though? 💀If not for last episode he probably would have called Ray, but as it was Boston was the next bestie in line. I can’t blame him for calling, there’s no reason for him to think Boston is anything but a friend. We don’t know how long they’ve been friends. They’ve been together 4 yrs via the uni course, but did any of them know each other beforehand? Anything Boston has done that we know of against Mew has been behind the scenes. And him sleeping with multiple partners isn’t what makes him a bad person. Also he is the one who introduced Top into the group, the first to voice his ‘concern’ about Top’s track record, and he’d certainly be the one to encourage Mew, and support what Mew had pretty much already decided.

The build up was again a sweet moment, I liked the clumsy knocking of Mew’s legs on the couch *side eyes the fucking huge bed* and I’m glad Top went slow and treated Mew well. And they’ve exchanged ‘I love yous’ so everything will hurt that little bit more when shit hits the fan. I can’t wait lol.

And then we have Nick and Boston. I can’t decide if I should be sad for Nick or a little bit scared of him. I do feel for him thinking that if he changes himself into a Top clone, he’ll maybe get Boston to want him more. But also, like if this was a horror movie I feel like it’d be going the direction of Nick actually becoming Top and taking over his life lol. I did wonder if it was more for revenge purposes, make himself more appealing, lure Boston in and then get revenge, but it seems he’s still as infatuated as ever and I do feel bad for him. Despite his questionable actions, there is something sympathetic about Nick. Well, apart from the fact he keeps walking in and interrupting Ray and Sand’s quality time lol. God damn it, Nick.

The pool scene. I don’t know what Boston is playing at. Part of me is suspicious of whether he’s found the wiretap in his car already (I mean dropping that mention of someone with a video is a bit of a coincidence) so he’s doting on Nick a little more than usual, or is it a kind of rebound thing? So Top’s discarded him but at least Nick is sticking around. Or is he being genuine and he’s looking for a change? Boston, genuine? Hmmm. Seriously, this show gives me trust issues lol especially regarding Top, Nick and Boston’s characters. The other three, I feel they’re more straightforward and as of yet haven’t been shown to do anything with malicious intent. Ray fucks up but his intentions aren’t from a bad place. Everybody looking at each other at the pool though… Top having some weird look of disgust/unease while looking at Boston with Nick, Boston looking back at him, Nick watching Boston, and Mew in his own happy world where Nick is nice and cute and he and Boston should definitely date. What a mess.

As soon as Boston hung up the call from Mew we knew he was pissed. I’m proud of him being able to keep up his performance on the phone to Mew. Boston likes sex, has been advocating for Mew to lose his virginity, so there was no way Mew would expect him to say anything but go for it. Boston - Safe sex ambassador. There’s probably a part of him hoping Top does fuck Mew and dump him, but I believe what Top keeps telling Boston about being interested in Mew beyond that, and think Boston believes it too. From here it was a series of unfortunate events. Because of the call he sticks to Nick for longer and then bumps into Ray and then all hell breaks loose. The way Boston was watching Ray and Sand… I really want to know if there is a reason behind Boston seemingly not wanting to see either of his friends happy. Or is it really just the fact he’s an asshole? Not everybody has some deep meaningful backstory. Some people are just assholes. He was mad Top rejected him, mad Mew and Top were going to have sex and he took it out on Ray? Saw an easy target, maybe thought he could blame it all on alcohol and drugs in the morning? And Sand was collateral damage?

I kinda want there to be something more, like is it Mew or Ray or both he maybe has a problem with? When Top was complimenting Mew and calling him cute in glasses all the way back in episode 1, Boston’s eyes were on Ray and how he reacted. He poked at him by calling him a burden. Was he after fucking Top to mess with Mew in order to mess with Ray? It’s been 2 years since the kiss, no idea what’s been going on since then, but for Boston still to be in the friends group he couldn’t have done anything to the degree he did this episode, and certainly not this direct. Though I guess maybe he could have around Ray, as who’s to say Ray would even remember anything that went down if he got himself blackout drunk like he did in episode 1. Also some of what he said. Why is he so obsessed with the idea Mew and Ray slept together? He keeps saying it like it’s a fact. But I don’t see why Mew’s flashback would be a lie. So I can’t see anything having happened between them after Mew rejected Ray. And then Boston mentioning ‘two-timing’. Is that in reference to anything in particular, or just a way to say loving Mew but dating Sand would be equivalent to cheating/two-timing? And asking why Ray was getting angry??? Dude, you just ruined his night, brought up Mew, told him you took photos of a not traumatic, but a personal and vulnerable moment, and were ‘keeping track’ of him, said him and Mew slept together, and everybody’s emotions were heightened because of drink and drug cookies. Still in love or not, I’d be pissed off too. *Deep breath* It’s fine. Everything will be fine… totally fine… Right?

Random things.

1. Sand telling Boston (and Nick) to go to their room. I love Sand.

2. Nick, come on baby. Everybody be telling you Boston is trash. I know you think you love him but, you know, maybe it’s time to take a hint.

3. Boston, you little shit. It’s a good job you’re entertaining and the whole point of this show is about messy relationships lol.

4. Drake’s character is back?! Why do I get this weird feeling Nick’s gonna go along with something he doesn’t really want to… threesome??

5. Very 6 mains heavy this ep, so hoping to get a bit more of some of the side characters next week at uni and Mew’s party. Though if I’m honest, I was so engrossed in the main boys I didn’t miss them. I’m sorry okay lol.

6. Shit is going down next episode. Am I ready to see Ray getting punched by who up to now has been his one shining light in his shitty life? No 😭

Right, I need to stop lol. I was going off in all directions lol. It’s so hard to believe we’re coming up to the halfway point with next episode. So much has already happened.

Thank you if you read all that.

Can’t wait to see what’s next.

Previous rambles

Episode 4

Episode 3

Episode 2

Episode 1

#only friends series #only friends the series #only friends episode 5 #firstkhaotung #firstkhao #sandray #forcebook #topmew #bostonnick #neomark #Ffs Boston #some people just want to watch the world burn

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