#antler queen honey is that you

[smoke-and-silver]

Ministry Holidays : Beltane

A small series of how the ministry celebrates the Wheel of the Year, following my personal headcanon that the ghouls and Siblings of Sin observe the solstices and equinoxes.

Beltane, celebrated the first day of May, marks the start of the transition from Spring into Summer.

The ministry has a very thorough deep cleaning in the weeks leading up to Beltane. This is their "spring cleaning" time, when they get rid of any old clutter and clear out their wardrobes.

On the evening of May 1st, the fire ghouls work to start a bonfire in the middle of the courtyard. Any old unwanted items or things one is ready to let go of can be thrown into the fire. Dewdrop keeps it from spreading or getting out of control.

The nuns have a small series of dances and races, a friendly competition all eventually narrowing down to one winner who is crowned their "May Queen". The victorious Sister gets a big crown of flowers to wear for the rest of the night and to hang on her door as a wreath afterwards.

The Ghouls and Sisters weave crowns from foliage to gift to each other. The ghouls end up with multiple crowns on their heads or hanging from their horns, from Siblings of Sin showing their gratitude for all the hard work their demons do.

Mountain is given the most love during Beltane. Earth ghouls are the most closely linked to the holiday, and it's when all his efforts in the garden really start to show. His antlers are decorated with deep red ribbons by Sisters and Ghouls alike all showing him their appreciation.

A giant picnic takes place in the gardens. Every table they can find is dragged outside, candles and lanterns are lit throughout, and bright red strands of flowers are hung between the trees.

The tables are piled with dark fruit, honey cakes, various smoked meats, and the most rich chocolate desserts you can imagine, with plum wine from last year's summer to go with it all.

It's a very sensual holiday and it's not uncommon to see Ghouls and Sisters getting amorous around the fire--or Sisters and Sisters, or Ghouls and Ghouls. It's considered a lucky time for couples.

More adult activities and rituals are planned in the garden later in the night, after anyone who doesn't wish to partake has gone inside. Everyone is very respectful and they all wait for any uninterested or uncomfortable Ghouls and Sisters to go to bed before such activities begin.

--Swiss will inevitably begin stripping at some point in the night. Plum wine is his favorite. There's bets on how long he can keep his clothes on.

[buradeeznuts]

some notes on Taranza & Joronia’s species, and on Floralian culture:

🌸 Colloquially speaking, both bug-folk (Waspiders, Antlers, Sectra Dees, etc.) and plant-folk (the People of the Sky) are indigenous to Floralia, having lived there for thousands of years.

🌸 The floating archipelago’s Mirror Counterpart is the kingdom of Sporalia - an underground civilization deep beneath the earth, within and around Cabbage Cavern.

🌸 Floralian Waspiders are arboreal, whereas Sporalian Waspiders are fossorial. As a result, the latter tend to have thicker claws and larger horns, which they use for digging.

🌸 Both can hold their breath for significantly longer than, say, the average Waddle Dee - an advantage in dizzyingly high-altitude floating islands and waterlogged underground caverns alike.

🌸 Waspiders are omnivorous. Although their diet is particularly heavy on insects, meat and fish, they’ll also consume plants, fruit, flowers and flower nectar. Plant milk is popular, as are fruit juices and liquors, pulque, and cacao-based drinks.

🌸 Insects and other forms of prey are usually cooked, but consumption of raw or live prey isn’t unusual, either - the late Queen Joronia was particularly known for her fondness of raw shrew, sliced thin and marinated with fresh herbs, citrus and birch syrup.

🌸 Snakes are sacred animals and symbols of protection to Floralians, made in the image of their serpentine deity, Togu Ro Garāga (whom you may know as Coily Rattler). Killing, eating or otherwise bringing harm to a snake is taboo.

🌸 Statues and other iconography of serpents are often erected outside tombs, temples, homes, and so on - some, like the Burner Guardians, are even animated with magic to defend against intruders.

🌸 Floralia has a strong and elaborate tea culture - or rather, tisane culture! (Taranza is anal about the difference, but enjoys both.) Most Floralian teas are brewed from flowers and herbs rather than tea leaves, which are an imported delicacy from the Lower World.

🌸 Flowering teas are quite popular, consisting of dried flower bundles that ‘bloom’ as the water heats up. For those who prefer sugar in their cup, teas (and tisanes) are typically sweetened with honey, agave or flower nectar.

[toxictoad]

HADES 2 GODS RANKED BY HOW MUCH I WANT TO KISS THEM

(and also gameplay)

DISCLAIMER: I don’t think any of the gods are bad. I’m ranking them in comparison to each other. Even the worst boon in the game is still good, and obviously all the art is great.

Also I'm writing this in EA patch 4.

Aphrodite–

I mean she’s obviously hot– she’s THE goddess of beauty, but Hades 2 is an absolute improvement. This isn’t just Aphrodite, this is Aphrodite Areia. Kick ass, honey I love you so much. You don’t need clothes to fight a war. She’s so salty I want her to step on me.

Her boons are pretty good. Decent damage and her duo boons are nice. Heartthrobs are BROKEN and I do builds with them as often as I can. Meshes well with other gods. Love Handles is my favorite duo boon in the game.

Please kiss me 9/10 times Gameplay 10/10

Apollo–

He’s a pretty boy, but his prep vibes bring him down a bit. He’s funny though and I love all his interactions with other gods.

Good boons. I don’t usually take his core stuff unless I have the Sister Blades, but having a larger area of damage is nice. I like his sprint boon. Sunny Disposition is great if you’re doing a Heartthrob build. Generally he’s good but there are better core boons.

Please kiss me 5/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Artemis–

Goddess of lesbians. Not wlw but I believe in their beliefs you know. The bear pelt and all the antlers are SERVING. She’s like if one of those hunter dudes on tinder was actually hot. I love her but also I’m a man so I feel like she should be with someone else.

She’s not a core god so her boons are a little hard to judge. Critical damage is always nice, and running into her is always better for a run. All her offerings are good, although Pressure Points is better with the Sister Blades or the Witch’s Staff. I’m just gonna rank her compared to the other ‘lesser’ offerings in the game, not compared to the regular boons because she only appears once per run.

Please kiss me 7/10 times (But like platonically) Gameplay 10/10

Demeter–

Gilf. Don’t @ me you know it’s true. I’m a little disappointed that they made her look younger for Hades 2 but I guess it makes sense lore wise. Old lady in armor is peak art. I love her, I adore her, and her design is magnificent. Mwah.

Her boons are good. Freeze is a great effect especially for getting used to the game. Not as effective with the Umbral Flames or Sister blades, but they’re great with the Moonstone Axe and Witch’s Staff. Rare Crop is only good early and Plentiful Forage is objectively kinda bad but I take it every time.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 8/10

Hephaestus–

Spoilers: He’s the hottest male Olympian. I LOVE him. Please hold me in your arms my stupid little bisexual heart needs to be cuddled by a sweaty blacksmith. HOW could Aphrodite cheat on this man? He's perfect. Also legit the funniest god.

His boons are a little hit or miss. When they’re common they aren’t great but they stack pretty well. His magic gain boon is probably the worst out of all of them, but Mint Condition and Uncanny Fortitude are hands down my favorite boons, and like I said: Love Handles is my absolute favorite duo boon.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hera–

My QUEEN. I love her. Please leave your husband. I would treat you so much better. She’s elegant, she’s powerful, she’s HERA. Josette Eales voices her and does an IMMACULATE job. I want Hera to call me a good boy please please please.

Her boons are alright. Hitch is a good effect if you can apply it in a large area but it’s not great against Guardians. In the most recent patch they changed her cast and I think it’s a little worse. She has alright duo boons, and Queen’s Ransom is funny and also can be pretty op if you have Hera as some of your main boons.

Please kiss me 10/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Hermes–

ADHD TWINK. He’s my homeboy and I vibe with him hard. Longer hair suits him and I wanna take him on a date to an aquarium. So pretty. I hope he can see his husband Charon again soon.

Speed boons are always cool. Dodge chance is invaluable if you have shit reaction times like I do. Nimble Mind is his only boon I don’t like because it just doesn’t feel very effective. Nimble Limbs is awesome for the Moonstone Axe, and Quick Buck is one of my most chosen boons. Ultimately good but his boons can feel a little ineffective when they’re common.

Please kiss me 7/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Hestia–

Not a gilf but I do love her. She’s sassy and ruthless and I love her design so much. I want to sit in the thicc auntie’s lap please. Super hot punk old lady.

Scorch is a great effect. Her attack and special boons are awesone and her cast is good. Getting Flame Strike, Ice Flourish from Demeter, and then their Freezer Burn duo boon is how I beat Chronos the first time. The rest of her duos are fine but not amazing.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 9/10

Poseidon–

He’s definitely hotter than in the first game, just not my type. He’s very funny in an annoying kind of way (Side note: I REALLY want him and Odysseus to learn about each other. Their beef would be SO funny)

His core boons feel less powerful than in the first game. Double Up and Hydraulic Might are the only boons of his I take consistently. Damage isn’t terrible but not the best. His duo boons are generally pretty good though. Island Getaway is nice when you can get it.

Please kiss me 3/10 times Gameplay 5/10

Selene–

Ethereal moon mommy. I love her. Would probably be terrifying to approach in any capacity but she’s just SO pretty.

It’s a little weird to rank her since hexes are the replacement for Olympian aid in the first game, but generally they’re all pretty good. Wolf Howl is my favorite. I never take Twilight Curse or Dark Side, but that might just be because I don’t understand them.

Please kiss me 8/10 times Gameplay 7/10

Zeus–

No.

His boons also seem a little weaker than the first game, but chain lightning is a fun effect when you get it pumped up a bit. Blitz is a kinda weak effect but if you can get Toasting Fork on them they’re good. His legendary boon and duo boons are both a little meh.

Please kiss me -100/10 times. Leave me alone. Gameplay 4/10

This was fun. I'm probably gonna do this again with other characters lol.

[honestlynervousnut]

Could you imagine? (Yellowjackets)

A new Doomcoming in the adult timeline,probably at Lottie's compound, everyone invited,even the acolytes.

They have expensive wine and a variety of fruits and vegetables and the honey from the compound,and they do a minute of silence for Nat.

(and Lottie would probably have a New antler Queen headdress)

Artist from Tumblr please draw It 😭 (I need It)

Pls reblog for an artist to see this

[milkymarble]

land of honey

here is an ode to all those south of the mason-dixon line, on either side of the grand mississippi

i like the taste of wild honeysuckle, smell of maturing magnolias. there's warm spring days, with rolling thunderstorms at night, sidewalks still wet the next morning

there's ladies with big hair, bigger weddings, inviting half the town to watch them say "i love you i do I'll always love you"

neighbors gossip, hushed whispers and giggles, i like small talk with people in line at the grocery store, asking if they like that brand of bug spray

a cacophany of cicadas at night, whippoorwills and chick-a-dee-dee-dees, lullabies of croaking bullfrogs

i like faded churches on the side of single lane roads, you know they used to be just one big dusty room and i guess they always will be

i like red crosses and soup kitchens, storm shelters and booster drives

thanks for the casserole when my aunt died

i like peach cobbler, chess pie, country fried steak, loads of butter and eggs and flour and sugar

tea so sweet your mouth puckers, boiled peanuts sold from the side of the road, only $1.50 and you get free directions to the waterfall

i even like the people who hunt, i do. especially the ones who use all of the animal, who thank the deer for passing quickly and for gifting them a glorious dinner

the people who give antlers to their dogs

i like old women with hair so white its blue, with a smoker's rasp, with metallic lipstick and starched blouses, patent leather shoes and big red pocketbooks

i like driving through marshes and fields, cow pastures and blue ridge mountains, creeks falling to forests growing to gardens

i like square dancing, and slow dancing even more, and the little dark raves tucked in corners of empty downtowns filled with everyone like you

i like bluegrass and blues, jazz on corners in the french quarter, zydeco in acadiana, yes even country, i like singing country songs on the porch

i like slow guitar and crooning melodies of heartbreak and first love, of missing mom and hating dad

i like old faded trucks, the ones low to the ground without big engines, i like train tracks overrun with weeds

i like mardi gras, flashing beads thrown in smoky air, feathered up floats, stereos turned loud

i like the hundreds of peachtree streets and dozens of martin luther king jr. boulevards

there's buford highway, where you can eat food from every corner of the globe and still be right at home

pass by billboards in korean, spanish, english, all in three square miles

i like drag queens in sunday best, the same florals my grandmother likes

i like straw hats and creased-up boots, i like paper fans exchanged from hand to hand

i like hearing "yall stay safe now" i like how everyone is honey and baby and sweetheart, even if you've never met

i love you trailer park beauties

stay true, hillbilly rednecks

[kings-paintbrush]

RTC Yellowjackets AU thoughts (/gen nobody take these bc I wanna make an animatic…)

Antler Queen Karnak

Coach Ben Rat… instead of biting thru the power cables its setting fire to the cabin

Ocean Jackie and Constance Shauna makes SENSE

but also maybe

Mischa Shauna bc… she would totally sing Talia be sooo fr

Ocean Jackie and Constance misty…

no no

Ricky Misty..?

I GOT IT

”i read their hopes, their dreams… i even suggested they ride the cyclone” Antler Queen Costume jackie who feels guilty… didnt she kick the winning ball Laura Lee ocean makes sense

Laura Lee praying… her “bad feeling”… which ik is more of a Lottie thing but it can have a religious tie to it…

yeah and Karnak is funny….

Jackie Karnak

everyone should watch ride the cyclone if you love me…🥹

i was thinking Lottie Jane Doe

but Shauna Jane Doe could also work

lottie jane doe…

Mischa Shauna

bc she would sing Talia

Ricky Lottie..? “Ricky honey! You can speak!” - Ocean

Ocean has such jackie tendencies

LOTTIE JANE DOE “lost her face” BC OF SHAUNA

bc every jane doe has a doll head…bc the cyclone crash blew her head off….doll head who has jackie colored hair

[ashleyfableblack]

Dressed For Success- A Eternal Courtship PRIDE Month Jam

"Mom, what're you doing?"

"Be still." Thorax' shawl floated about his head, wreathed in the green flames of his Queen-mother's magic. Her sabre-like fangs scraped against her chitinous lips in irritation. "You never have been able to get this right."

His violet eyes watched in stupified awe as she levitated a broach to clasp the rainbow material to his cavara as she tugged the fabric about. Back and forth she adjusted, snug here, loose there. "You DO want to look like you know how to dress yourself for your royal consort tonight, don't you?"

Thorax blinked twice. Yes. This was still happening. He knew Twilight had talked with her wife about respecting his new relationship with Spike but had NOT expected this outcome. "He's my boyfriend, Mom. And yes, I do." He shrank slightly as she paused to regard his tone. Even now, in his thirties, one look from her serpentine eyes and the Lovebug prince was a grub again. He gave a sheepish grin of his comparatively tiny fangs. "Sorry." Chrysalis returned to her ministrations with a huff, grumbling to herself in silence. Sometimes Thorax was glad he was never able to hear the hive mind. "But I thought you hated Spike?"

"When did I ever say that?" Her lips curled slightly with the utterance as she wove a band of blossoms between the beads around Thorax neck. He had to consider the question. She was right, technically she never had said anything of the sort. Though she had been very quick to interpose herself between them at nearly every opportunity. She placed a crown of flowers between his antlers and began adjusting it for a properly regal touch. "You're a twit. He's an insolent twit. You're perfect for each other."

Both eyebrows rose until they were almost encircling his horn.

"P-perfect…?"

The Queen lowered her gaze from the wreath of flowers. Her forked tongue flickered as she finished dabbing a final bit of her silken webbing to keep it in place to her exacting specifications. Her emerald snake eyes regarded him with an almost eerie quality he was not accustomed to seeing from her- not for anyone but Twilight. He could see something approaching a smile crossing her fangs, annoyed, but still, a smile. "Yes. I said it. Don't let it get to your foolish head."

He chuckled. It wasn't quite the more traditional pony-style family he had wanted but it wasn't only about what he wanted. She was trying. He was trying. Twilight was trying and wasn't that was family was all about? Through all the hardships, they found a way to keep trying. It was a family. His family. He lurched forward to clasp his lime-berry hoofs around his mother's shoulders, grinning ear to ear. To his surprise she barely recoiled. "Thank you, Mom. Happy Pride Month."

The queen rolled her eyes. She draped a forelimb around her wayward offspring with a flicker of her tongue. Tasting the air around him she sighed. Most creatures wore their emotions on their sleeve but Thorax sprayed his about like a garden hose. He really did love her. Shielded behind her nitwit offspring's field of vision, she let her smile grow just a bit brighter. "Yes. Yes. I'm wonderful." She broke the embrace, straightening herself and re-adjusting his crown once more with yet another dab of sticky spittle. "Now, go talk about friendship and make macaroni pictures or whatever it is you do."

The Lovebug prince beamed. His smile was bright enough to guide ships at sea as he practically pranced his way to the reading-room door. He paused in his bouncy gait for the grim visage of the twin guards framing the door. The spiky, elite soldier-caste changeling guards on either side regarded him in silence as Chrysalis voice crisply cut the air.

"My son…"

The tone was one he had not heard in years but was still all too familiar with. Not the marshmallow-soaked-in-honey doting wife of his good friend, Twilight Sparkle, nor the shrewd yet amiable tone of the regal Queen Chrysalis Sparkle of New Canterlot. This was the Hive-voice of THE Queen of The Swarm, the irresistible, unrelenting force which consumed all. The young prince nervously turned to face her. Her crown of antennae had extended, the outward expression of her wordless connection to and indomitable control of the Hive Mind. The blue tips shimmered with the same gnawing cold as the unnatural darkness within the slits of her snake eyes.

"Anything beyond second base and he gets fed to your cousins." She grinned a cold, hungry smile. From behind him he heard the two guards hiss. Suddenly he became very aware of the unsettling feeling that half the objects in the reading room had been watching his every motion and were simply awaiting the command of their Queen-mother to pounce and devour him.

He smirked. "Yes, Mother."

In her own way maybe, she was trying. Just like a real family.

[dr-shortsighted-owl]

🎶✨️When you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, publish, then send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) ✨️🎶

Tagged by the ever lovely @mellaithwen - Thank you Amy!

1. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

(He's my good old fashioned loverboy) Ooh, loverboy What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy? Everything's all right Just hold on tight That's because I'm a good old-fashioned (fashioned) loverboy

A classic. Makes me think of Good Omens, and also a fantastic MatchaBlossom (Sk8) fic that I read when i started my PhD. Plus its such an OTP song too.

2. Magnum Bullets - Night Runner

My heart and hands collide The gun lays at my side Too late to turn back, only fate's left to decide

I adore the video to this song - the visuals, the character designs, the transitions, and the storytelling are outstanding. The music’s beat is amazing, and the lyrics make my heart ache.

3. Famous last words - My Chemical Romance

I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiven Nothing you can say can stop me going home

The intro to this song *Chefs kiss* The guitar, the drums, the damn passion in these lyrics - Just pure Kerrang 00′s nostalgia of me listening to my older sister’s Black Parade album.

4. Wake - The Antlers

I want to bust down the door If you're willing to forgive I've go the keys, I'm letting people in

Now this, this a very Season 5b!Eddie Diaz song to me - Its a very heavy song from an ablum with a heavy subject matter, its so haunting in its lyrics and its melody.

5. Take on me - Aha!

Take on me (take on me) Take me on (take on me) I'll be gone In a day

Look I play an instrument for a reason, I know I can’t sing, but I WILL attempt the high notes in this song because you sing this regardless of talent.

Tagging: @hippolotamus @rogerzsteven @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @bigfootsmom @ajunerose @jobairdxx @thekristen999 @alyxmastershipper

[broken-everlark]

First/last Sentence tag war

Tagged by the lovely and amazing! @ablatheringblatherskite

Sorry I'm so late! Finally got out of my writing rut.

I can't give you guys much because it'll spoil what I'm planning. This is not for wyler Bingo, but those are being worked on as well!

I'm working on 3 wyler bingo fics, 2 wyler oneshots, chapter 3 of my HTTYD x THG fic, and chapter 7 of Black cat (idk if I'll post that one tho)

This is from Never Be Alone. Wednesday is a bit ooc in this one, but she has to, to fit my fic🤣

First/last ~ He had to be careful, as she was surrounded by Outcasts. A Werewolf, Gorgon, a few sirens, two sorry excuses of psychics, and a strange boy who smells of honey.

As he closed his eyes, he could see their shapes from inside of the shed, one high-pitched and feminine voice shouting worriedly about a creature killing people.

I tag - @ablatheringblatherskite @wincestation @persephoneed @gardenoblues @thee-antler-queen @ourdramaqueen @iamfandomcrazy @nouklea @insomniac1994 @writerrose1998 @callmetippytumbles and whoever wants to do it!

[makeyouminemp3]

number 1 with Dick Grayson, Gar, and Jason (classic) - number 12 (which is my favourite from the list), 8 with Nat, Jackie, and Van from Yellowjackets

OH GOD..... okay well, the first one is actually pretty easy tbh, same as you when i asked the same thing.

1. classic FMK:

(and to anyone seeing this, this is based on the titans (2018) version of the characters, so....)

fuck - jason, because.... you know why, you've said it yourself

marry - gar because he's more husband material than the other two (sorry dick)

kill - im saying dick because rachel and gar will throw him in the lazarus pit anyway, and we'll call it a day

12: Basic FMK but it has to be with the last 3 characters you reblogged pictures or gifs of. (You can interpret this however you want. It can be scrolling until you find 3 different characters, or if your blog is basically all one character - you're gonna have an interesting marriage with them.)

well, it's ava/beatrice (they are not to be separated), brooke davis, and lizzie saltzman.... SO.

fuck - avatrice, I guess.... love both of them, dearly but its one and done because I don't wanna further infiltrate their relationship because a marriage with them will have me fucking it up and I don't wanna kill them because my god, they've been through enough

marry - brooke! because I definitely would treat her better than lucas, that's for sure.... like honey, I would never cheat on you with your best friend. she's never my second choice!

kill - lizzie, but she'll come back as a heretic, I just need her to digest vampire blood and then kill her under 24 hours. I'm allowed to cheat, okay?

8. Oh no!! There's only One Bed!!! When it comes to this character you - offer to sleep on the floor so they can be comfortable, make them sleep on the floor, or snuggle up to them as close as possible.

oh..... this is also difficult because you KNOW how much I love my yellowjackets girls, they mean everything to me (I've ranted to you about the lesbian cannibal show a dozen times) but uh...

I'll offer to sleep on the floor for nat.... cause we'll, she's the antler queen, and she gets whatever she wants, and I am not one to argue with her. she knows how to use a gun, and she is not afraid to use it

and as much as I hate this, I'm making van sleep on the floor, I love her. truly, but this is a hard decision, but I don't think she'd mind, hopefully. it depends if it's teen van or adult van

and well, I'm snuggling with jackie because she deserves all the love and snuggles in the world okay? she's my doomed by the narrative baby <3 I can't say no to her

[old-archivist]

Foods of Thedas: Master Post

Here is the very, very long and complete list of all dishes, ingredients, and drinks in Thedas as of Tevinter Nights.

This compiles all the canon posts. My headcanons are separate from this list to avoid any confusion but you can find it linked along with the other individual posts below.

Like in the individual posts, the list has the country of origins next to each item and any relevant information. Such as ingredients, use, notes, or trivia. For the canonically suggested foods and drinks I list what their real world uses are for your reference as to what they might be used for in Thedas.

For "Shorter" Food Posts

Dishes, Sauces, and Sides

Drinks

Raw Ingredients

Prepared Ingredients

Cannonically Possible Foods and Drinks

Disclaimer Though real life plants may be listed here as edible it is for fictional use only. This is not intended to be used as a reference nor guide for what plants are edible or safe to eat. Please do not use it as such.

Dishes

Breads and Desserts

Breads

Biscuit

Whole Grain Biscuit - Commonly made in Chantry cloisters. A staple in their simple diets.

Black Bread

Braided Honey and Date Bread

Brown Bread

Buns

Butter Puff - This is bread where butter is folded into the dough allowing it to become puffy and softer than usual bread. (Orlesian)

Crumpet

Dark Bread

Dried Bread

Honey Loaf

Lichen Bread - Bread that is made using lichen. (Orzammar)

Peasant Bread - A hearty type of bread that is made with a variety of grains.

Raider Queen's Bread of Many Tongues - Created by the Raider Queen, this bread calls for flour, baking powder, salt, butter, brown sugar, molasses, eggs, bananas. The creator calls for Par Vollen bananas but another version of the recipe says Rivaini bananas are an acceptable replacement. (Rivain)

Ryott Bread - Made of a protein rich grain that is valued throughout Ferelden.

Sweet Bread

Sweet Rolls

Thin Bread - A thin bread used to make wraps in Seheron.

Whole Grain Bread - Another staple made in Chantry cloisters.

Desserts

Cake

Cake with Apples

Chocolate Cake

Cupcakes

The Exquisite Misery - A little cake topped with a dusting of anise, deep mushrooms, and gold dust. (Orlesian)

Hearth Cake - A pan-made Dalish cake; made of flour, hardwood ash or baking powder, halla butter, sugar, mixed dried fruit (currants, cranberries, etc), egg, milk.

Honey Cake

Lemon Cake

Petit Fours (Orlesian)

Pound Cake

Round Cake - Often topped with poppyseed and honey. In Serault, they will sometimes have the antlers baked into the crust.

Sugar Cake - Made with strawberries and sugar-cream icing on a pound cake.

Sugar-drizzled Lemon Cake - A type of lemon cake that was used in Antivan Crow history to assassinate templars.

Sugarcake - A dense cake usually topped with powdered sugar.

Sweet Cake

Candy

Black Licorice Candy - Can be salted.

Bon-bons

Candied Almonds

Candied Dates

Candied Fruit

Candy Cane

Candy Apple

Carastian Candy - A candied chocolate. (Tevinter)

Peppermints

Spun Sugar (Fereldan)

Sweetmeat - A confectionery treat, sometimes candy coated fruit.

Toffee

Unnamed Candied Nuts with Spice - A candy that is sweet until swallowed, then they leave a spicy aftertaste. (Orlesian)

Cookies

Biscuit - A hard, flat, and unleavened baked treat that can be sweet or savory.

Butter and Sugar Cookie - This cookie isn’t specified as it is only described by these ingredients.

Raisin Cookies

Shortbread

Tea Biscuits

Wafers

Donuts

Ice Cream

Orlesian Guimauves - Another name for marshmallows.

Pastries

Apple Pie

The Blessed Apple - A pie made by a small cloister of Chantry sisters tending to the orchard, they use the windfall apples and share the pies freely; as well as the apples. The ingredients are flour, salt, butter, water, apples (golden apples from Lady's Orchard preferred but others are acceptable substitutions), brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. (Orlesian)

Cinnamon Rolls

Croissant

Honey and Nut Pastry (Tevinter)

Macaroon

Marie du Lac Erre's Sweet Ruin - One version of this pastry with a dramatic history, the recipe contains; butter, powdered sugar, chocolate, vanilla extract, flour, orange or mint extract, baking powder, and milk. (Orlesian)

Minced Pie - filled with finely chopped fruit and sweet things.

Tarts

Unnamed Blueberry Pastry - A light, sticky pastry with blueberries. (Possibly Nevarran)

Pudding

Caramel Pudding

Dessert Pudding

Sticky Jellies (Orlesian)

Gravy and Sauces

Ale Cooked Mushroom (Dwarven)

Apples Stewed in Brandy Sauce

Applesauce

Cream Sauce

Deep Mushroom Flavored Cream Sauce (Orzammar)

Dragon’s Blood Sauce (Nevarran)

Gravy

Honey-glaze - A sauce used to glaze various foods, particularly meats.

Hot Sauce

Llomerryn Red Sauce - A sauce that goes on almost everything, contains pulped tomatoes, onions, red pepper, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, mustard powder, hot pepper powder, salt, cinnamon stick, allspice, cloves, fennel seeds, dill seeds, mustard seeds, black peppercorns, bay, garlic. (Rivain)

Nesting Roast Gravy - Gravy made from the pan juices of a nesting roast. Meant to be served with the roast. (Orlesian)

Plum Sauce

Red Wine Marinade

River-herring Gravy - a gravy as white as apple blossoms. (Orlesian)

Special Sauce - A sauce infused with the essence of fifty-two herbs, prized for the ability to help with “inadequacy”. (Kirkwall)

Wild Flower Glaze - A honeyed glaze made of wild flowers, it is recommended to use flowers plucked at dawn and the lowest blossoms.

Main Dishes

Beans and Bread

Boiled Roots

Braised Nug with Elfroot (Dwarven)

Braised Ram with all the Trimmings

Bread and Cheese

Broiled Boar Head (Fereldan)

Cacio e pepe - A dish of three ingredients; spaghetti, pepper, and pecorino romano. (Antivan)

Canapé - a type of hors d'œuvre.

Chicken Wings - Sold in The Rusted Horn as 'Wyvern Wings.'

Dalish Deep Forest Comfort - String squashes, halla butter, garlic, mushrooms, elfroot or spinach, diced tomatoes or beetles, hot red pepper, rock salt, halla cheese or goat cheese, edible wildflowers (borage, chicory, etc), pine nuts. (Dalish of Southern Orlais)

Dried Bread and Fruit

Eggs à la Val Foret - An egg dish served with a cream sauce. (Orlesian)

First Day Chicken - a dish served during First Day in some parts of Orlais.

Fried Mush (Orzammar)

Gilded Swan with River-herring Gravy - An eastern spice, flour, gold leaf, river herring, swan, yolk. (Orlaisian)

Gnocchi (Antivan)

Goat Custard - A broiled goat head (Fereldan)

Ham

Anderfels Smoked Ham - It tastes of despair

Avvar Ham

Ham Stuck with Cloves

The Jade Ham - Honeyed with wild flowers (especially those picked at dawn), masterfully seasoned, and spiral-cut.

Orlesian Ham

Smoked Ham

Herbed Chicken and Biscuits

Jellied Meats

Jellied Eels

Jellied Pigs Feet - A delicacy in the Free Marches and originally a popular commoner food that has risen to the tables of nobility. Pigs feet and/or pork hocks, salt, onions, garlic, allspice, peppercorns, bay. (Free Marcher)

Veal Galentine (Orlesian)

Liver

Mad Burnard's Gift of Flesh - A nesting roast unlike any other, involving a whole wyvern, stuffed with a whole gurn, stuffed with a horse, stuffed with a large halla (horns and all), stuffed with a swan, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a quail, stuffed with a bunting that choked on a gold piece. (Orlesian)

Meat Pies

Dove Pie - A pie made with live doves, for the theater of the meal. (Orlesian)

Pigeon Pie

Pork Pie

Turnip and Mutton Pie (Fereldan)

Unmentionable Pie - It is a meat pie that uses the typically undesirable parts of an animal. (Fereldan)

Venison Pasty - A hand pie filled with venison. In Serault, it is served with curls of goat cheese. (Orlesian)

Nesting Roast - This dish is classically made with a quail stuffed in a pheasant stuffed in a swan. Served with gravy made from the pan juices. (Orlesian)

Nug Steak (Orzammar)

Nug-gets (Orzammar)

Nug-loaf (Orzammar)

Nug-Nug - A dish meant to resemble a nug peeking from its burrow; made of ground meat (beef preferred), parsley, egg, salt, crushed cumin or mustard seeds, black pepper, cooked rice, tomatoes, onions, chives (Orlesian)

Pancake - The breakfast food and savory dishes.

Crepes - A very thin pancake that can be filled with sweet or savory ingredients.

Nug Pancakes - A savory pancake made with nug. A favorite among dwarven children. (Orzammar)

Porridge

Bland Porridge

Deer Porridge - A savory porridge.

Pig Oat Mash - A constant dish on The Hanged Man menu, a popular hangover cure if washed down with brandy spiked cider. This warming porridge contains apples, dried salt pork or smoked bacon, dried rolled oats, berries, ale or water (Kirkwall)

Porridge with Raisins

Savory Porridge

Pudding - A sweet or savory, steamed dish that can be topped with gravy or chocolate.

Rack of Ribs (Fereldan)

Ram Chops

Ram Cutlet

Rice and Boiled Vegetables

Roast

Roast Boar - On cooking method involves the boar being stuffed with apples

Roast Chicken

Roast Duck

Roast Hog

Roast Lamb

Roast Turkey

Roast Wyvern

Roasted Cave Beetle (Dwarven)

Roasted Giant Spider (Dwarven)

Roasted Nug (Orzammar)

Roasted Phoenix - One of the most infamous meals in Thedas, it is served with sweet red wine.

Roasted Rabbit

Roasted Venison with Wild Greens

Spit-roasted Deepstalker (Dwarven)

Spit-roasted Nug with Hot Sauce (Orzammar)

Sandwich

Ham Sandwich

Sausage - There are about twelve different kinds of sausage unnamed mentioned in Last Court.

Black Pudding - A type of blood sausage made from pork or beef blood, pork fat or beef sue, and a type of cereal. (Orlesian)

Smoked Sausage

Spiced Sausage

Seared Nug - Usually served with a deep mushroom cream sauce. (Orzammar)

Sera's Yummy Corn

Shredded Dried Meat and Cheese - A dish that is commonly used as a spread by the dwarves. (Orzammar)

Simmering Partridge - Cooked with sweet onions and pale beans (Orlesian)

Smoked Meat

Smoked Boar

Smoked Rabbit

Smoked Venison

Spiced Nug

Sticky Figs Rolled in Nuts

Venison with Apples Stewed in Brandy Sauce

Wandering Hills - A delicacy made from large creatures of the same name. (Anderfels)

Wyvern Steak

Seafood

Alamarri Pickled Krone - Krone, Brine, (Optional) pine pitch and druffalo dung.

Baked Fish - An Avvar cooking method where they wrap fish in pungent leaves and clay before cooking it in banked coals.

Baked Krone with Honey - The honey is typically used as a side sauce for dipping. (Fereldan)

Fish Wrap - Fish wrapped in thin bread (Seheron)

Fluffy Mackerel Pudding - Celery, pepper, mackerel, diced onion, mustard, salt, Antivan pepper, ground mace, cardamom seed, eggs (Fereldan)

Fresh Oyster

Fried Fish

Glazed Krone (Fereldan)

Lutefisk

Smoked Fish

Starkhaven Fish and Egg Pie - Fish from the Minanter River (carp, trout, or others), wine, onion, carrot, thyme, bay, sea salt, dried currants, sliced almonds, boiled sliced eggs, butter, flour, fish broth, milk, salt, pepper, nutmeg, cream, fried whitebait or other small fish. (Starkhaven)

Soups and Stews

Barley Soup

Butter Soup - A simple, inexpensive, and easy soup. Made as midmorning meals or midday refresher for field workers. It is commonly fed to children and convalescents due to its nutritious nature. Ingredients include water, potatoes, cinnamon, star anise, clove, bay, peppercorns, salt, noodles, cream, butter (Orlesian)

Cabbage Stew

Deepstalker Stew - A stew of deepstalker is made when rations run low. (Legion of the Dead)

Enchantment Soup - Made by Sandal, edibility unknown.

Fereldan Turnip and Barley Stew - White beans, oil, onion, carrots, celery, garlic, stock, turnips, turnip greens, sausage, barley, cumin, dried basil, oregano, salt, pepper, herbed wine vinegar

First Day Festival Stew (Orzammar)

Fish Chowder (Antivan)

Fish Stew

The Hanged Man Stew - The tavern’s featured dish, made with a different mystery meat every morning. (Kirkwall)

Lamb and Pea Stew (Fereldan)

Norbotten Fruit Stew - This dish is used to rehydrate dried fruits: dried apricots, pitted prunes, raisins, mixed dried fruits (cherries, apples, cranberries, etc), lemon or orange, cinnamon, cloves, water, sugar or honey, brandy. (Anderfels)

Pea Soup

Ram Stew

Turnip Stew

Turnip-Goat Stew (Fereldan)

Wild Rabbit Stew

Sides

Antivan Olives - Soaked in vinegar and stuffed with capers.

Brandy Soaked Cherries

Beer Nuts

Dried Fruit

Dried Meats

Jerky

Jerky Ball

Fried Potatoes

Hard-boiled Egg

Jarred Olives (Tevinter)

Meat Skewers (Orlais)

Peeled Grapes (Tevinter)

Picked Foods

Pickled Apples

The Pickled Apples of Arlathan - Apples said to be from the time of Arlathan. The taste is described to be one of fresh apples, with the same crispness.

Pickled Eggs - Eggs, sugar, salt, vinegar. Favored in Ferelden.

Pickled Fish

Pickled Lamprey

Pickled Nug

Pickled Ox Tongue

Pickled Vegetables

Pickles

Roasted Chestnuts (Nevarran)

Roasted Potatoes

Smoked Bacon

Steamed Beans

Toast

Wine Soaked Fruit

Miscellaneous

Hardtack

Provisions

Rations -Typically consist of dried meat, nuts, and a variety of other simple foodstuffs.

Dry Ration

Qunari Ration

Drinks

Absinthe

Absence - One of the bottles of Thedas you find in Inquisition.

Absinthe - also referred to la fée verte - “little green fairy”

Petite Absinthe - Made from a certain type of wormwood.

Ale, Beer, Drafts, Lagers, and Stouts The Tapster's Tavern in Orzammar serves 52 types of ale, some are listed.

Ale

Ander Stout - This stout is stored in oak casts.

Barley Wine - Despite its name, this is an ale.

Beer

Brakien Brew (Orzammar)

Brown Ale

Coconut Draft

Fereldan Beer

Fereldan Lager - A pale ale.

Lichen Ale (Orzammar)

Oghren's Homebrew - An amber coloured ale with a slightly sweet, nutty flavor and described to have a hint of toastiness, and is spiced with cloves. (Dwarven)

Qunari Ale

Ryott Ale (Fereldan)

Ryotte Beer (Fereldan)

Valenta’s Red (Orzammar)

Watered Beer - While watered beer is served to reduce the price of beer and stretch it along, it is also served as a provision. In Serault, the peasantry drink watered beer to stave off the summer heat.

Watered-down Ale

Wildwine - An ale made from ryott. (Chasind)

Wilhelm’s Special Brew - This dark-colored ale gives off a thick, oaky smell. When swirled in its tankard, it takes on an unexpected glow.

Brandy

Aged Antivan Brandy

Antivan Brandy

Antivan Plum Brandy

Apple Brandy (Orlesian)

Orlesian Brandy

Plum Brandy

West Hill Brandy (Ferelden)

Cider

Brandy-spiked-cider

Cider

Serault Cider

Winter Cider (Wycome)

Cocktails

Benediction (Orlesian)

The Emerald Valley (Orlesian)

Dragon’s Piss - The name is probably figurative, but no one knows for sure. BioWare gives the "recipe" for Dragon Piss as "1 oz light rum, 1 oz dark rum, filled with iced tea". (Orlesian)

The Golden Nug (Orlesian)

The Heart of Spring - A "restorative" drink from Verchiel made with violets. (Orlesian)

The Hissing Drake (Orlesian)

Ice Cream and Beer

A Night of Shame (Orlesian)

Posset - A drink made of hot milk curdled with ale, wine, or other liquor and typically flavored with spices. Can be drunk as a delicacy or as a cold remedy.

The Randy Dowager (Orlesian)

To Cure a Cold - a folk remedy that requires boiling whiskey and adding lemon juice and crushed garlic.

Gin

Gin

Prophet’s Laurel Gin

Grey Warden Liquor These are bottles unique to members of the order, as each warden will combine half-full bottles in order to save space. No bottle is ever fully emptied or cleaned. In order to preserve the base flavor. They are called Grey Whiskey, Ritewine, or Conscription Ale, each vintage is named after a warden with a small note.

Vintage: Warden Anras - Bottled whimsy.

Vintage: Warden Bethany Hawke - Princess piss.

Vintage: Warden Carver Hawke - Toast them all.

Vintage: Warden Daedalam - Extra red.

Vintage: Warden Eval’lal - Griffon Wing Ale

Vintage: Warden Gibbins - Don’t frigging touch! I spit in this! I mean it!

Vintage: Warden Jairn - Smash when dead.

Vintage: Warden Korenic - Notes of fruit and anger.

Vintage: Warden Riordan - Serve yourself.

Vintage: Warden Steed - Joining juice.

Vintage: Warden Tontiv - Home.

Mead The Tapster's Tavern in Orzammar serves 17 types of mead, some are listed. Honeywine is another name for mead.

Avvar Mead

Chasind Sack Mead

Lady Odette Guillory's Family Honey Wine

Mead

Orlesian Honeywine

Port A sweet, fortified red wine, typically served with dessert.

Antivan Port

Tevinter Port

Rum Boot Screech is another name for rum.

Alvarado’s Bathtub Boot Screech

Blackwater Rum

Dark Llomerryn Rum

Tea and Other Drinks

Coffee (Antivan)

Cocoa/Hot Chocolate

Juice

Fermented Fruit Juice

Pickle Juice

Pomegranate Juice

Prune Juice

Punch

Spicy Punch

Tea

Almond Tea

Anderfels Mint Tea

Bitter Tea - An unspecified tea so bitter it is astringent. Served during the Fourth Blight.

Black Tea

Black Tea with Juniper

Fires of Change Tea

Herbal Tea

Iced Tea

Lattenfluss Tea (Anderfels)

Mint Tea

Nameless Tevinter Tea

Rivaini Spice Tea Blend

Rivaini Tea

Rosehips Tea

Spiced Tea

Stripweed Tea

Unsweetened Tea

Verimensis Tea (Tevinter)

Whiskey

Cinnamon-infused Whiskey

Ferelden Whisky

Legacy White Shear

Mackay’s Epic Single Malt

Wine The Tapster's Tavern in Orzammar serves 12 types of imported wines, some are listed.

Agreggio Pavali (Tevinter)

Alyons Black

Amaranthine Red

Anderfels Red

Antivan Red

Bitter Black Wine

Celestine Black Wine

Dandelion Wine (City Elves of Orlais)

Elderberry Wine

Elfroot Mixed with Wine

Finale by Massaad

Flames of Our Lady

Flat Wine

Ghislain Red

Iced Wine

Montsimmard White

Mosswine (Orzammar)

Mulsum (Tevinter)

Orichalcum mixed with Wine - Considered to have aphrodisiac properties.

Orlesian Red

Plum Wine

Red Wine

Serault Yellow Wine

Serault White

Silent Plains Piquette (Tevinter)

Southern Black Wine

Spiced Wine

Sweetened and Spiced Yellow Wine

Val Chevin Red Wine

Vint-9 Rowan’s Rose

Watered Wine

White Seleny Wine (Antivan)

White Wine

Yellow Wine

Additional Spirits

Abyssal Peach

Antivan Sip-Sip

Aqua Magus

Aquae Lucidius - A potent liquor made of wyvern venom; a rare drink known for its hallucinogenic properties.

Bottle of Rotgut - Rotgut is slang for cheap whiskey.

Butterbile :84

Carnal 8:69 Blessed (Orlesian)

Dwarven Ale - Not actually an ale, but a black liquid reputedly made from fungus with a reputation as being almost undrinkable for anyone not a dwarf.

Garblog’s Backcountry Reserve

Golden Scythe 9:40 Black

Hirol’s Lava Burst (Kal'Hirol)

Maraas-Lok (Qunari)

Moonshine

Potent Moonshine

Sun Blonde Vint-1

**Fruits, Mushrooms, Nuts, and Vegetables*

Edible Plants

Fern Fiddlehead

Lichen

Moss

Pungent Leaves - Unspecified leaves used in Avvar cooking of baked fish.

Rose

Rose Petals

Rosehips

Stripweed

Sugar Cane (Tevinter, Rivain)

Wildflowers

Borage

Chicory

Dandelion

Honeysuckle

Violet

Fruits and Nuts

Apple

Applewood Apples (Orlais)

Golden Apples (Orlais)

Green Apples

Le Pomme Vie et Morte - Apples that grow by the gallows in Val Royeaux.

Red Apples

Windfall Apples

Apricot

Banana

Par Vollen Banana

Rivain Banana

Berry

Blueberry

Cranberry

Elderberry

Raspberry

Strawberry

Caper (Antiva)

Cherry

Cocoa/Chocolate (Donarks)

Coconut

Coffee (Antiva)

Currant

Black Currant

Date - A purple and red fruit with a pit, it has a sweetness and tangy taste. (Tevinter)

Fig

Grape

Lemon

Lime

Nuts

Almond

Chestnut

Pine Nut

Olive

Antivan Olive

Orange (Orlais, Antiva)

Passion Fruit

Peach

Pear

Plum

Pomegranate

Pomegranate Seeds

Grain

Barley

Pot Barley

Oats

Rolled Oats

Rice

Ryott

Ryott Flour

Wheat

Wheat Flour

Whole Grains

Whole Grain Flour

Mushrooms

Deep Mushroom

Field Mushroom

Unspecified Fungus - Used to brew Dwarven ale.

Truffle

Unnamed Glowing Fungus

Wild Mushroom

Vegetables

Beans

Bush Beans

Green Beans

Pale Beans

White Beans

Cabbage

Carrot

Purple Carrot

White Carrot

Celery

Chive

Corn

Checkered Corn

Golden Corn

Yellow Corn

Cucumber

Eggplant

Fennel

Lettuce

Mustard

Onion

Red Onion

Sweet Onion

White Onion

Pea

Pepper

Antivan Pepper

Green Pepper

Hot Pepper

Hot Red Pepper

Red Bell Pepper

Sweet Pepper

Potato

Radish

Spinach

Squash

Marrow Squash

Pumpkin

String Squash

Tomato

Turnip - aka navet

Turnip Greens

Wild Greens

Animal Products

Dairy

Butter

Cow Butter

Goat Butter

Halla Butter

Herbed Butter

Nug Butter

Cheese

Ativan Smoked Cheese

Blue-veined Cheese (Orlesian)

Brie Cheese

Brined Goat Cheese

“Dalish” Cheese - An ill described item as it is unclear if it is actually cheese. One thing is for sure it isn’t Dalish.

Feisty Cheese

Goat Cheese

Halla Cheese

Pecorino Romano (Antivan)

Ram Cheese

Cream

Spiced Cream

Thickened Cream

Whipped Cream

Milk

Cow Milk

Goat Milk

Halla Milk

Ram Milk

Soured Milk

Eggs

Caviar

Chicken Egg

Egg Whites

Egg Yolk

Fish

Carp

Cod

Eel

Krone

Lamprey

Mackerel

Mussel

Oyster

River Herring

Sunfish

Trout

Whitebait

Insects

Cave Beetle (Dwarven)

Giant Spider (Dwarven)

Scorpion

Snail (Avvar)

Wood-burrowing beetle larvae (Dalish)

Meats

Beef

Ox

Ox-tongue

Rump Roast - A cut of meat from the hindquarters

Veal

Boar

Bronto

Cat

Deepstalker (Dwarven)

Dog

Dragon

Druffalo

Goat

Gurgut

Gurn

Halla

Hare

Hart

Horse

Liver - General name given, animal isn’t specified.

Lurker (Avvar)

Nug

Phoenix

Pork

Pig's Feet

Pork Hocks

Pork Saddle

Quillback

Rabbit

Ram

Rat

Sheep

Lamb

Mutton

Varghest

Venison

Wandering Hills (Anderfels)

Wyvern

Poultry

Bunting

Chicken

Dove

Duck

Partridge

Pheasant

Pigeon

Quail

Swan

Turkey

Misc.

Dragon Blood (Nevarran)

Druffalo Dung

Honey

Honeycomb

Miscellaneous Ingredients

Baking Ingredients

Ash

Elfroot Ash

Hardwood Ash (Dalish)

Baking Powder

Yeast Cake

Salts

Fine-ground Salt

Rock Salt

Salt

Sea Salt

Others

Brine

Clay (Avvar)

Pine Pitch (Alamarri)

Herbs and Spices

Herbs

Basil

Dried Basil

Bay Leaf

Catsbane

Elfroot

Elfroot Leaves

Royal Elfroot

Lavender (Orlesian)

Mint

Anderfels’s Mint

Foxmint

Peppermint

Oregano

Dried Oregano

Parsley

Prophet's Laurel

Rosemary

Spindleweed

Verdant Spindleweed

Thyme

Spices

Allspice

Anise

Antivan Cord-seed

Cardamom

Cinnamon (Seheron)

Clove

Cumin

Cumin Seed

Deep Mushroom Powder (Orlesian and Dwarven)

Dill

Dill Seeds

Dragon Blood Powder (Nevarran)

Eastern Spice - Unnamed

Fennel Seeds

Garlic

Ginger

Dried Ginger

Hot Pepper Powder

Hot Red Pepper, Crushed

Juniper

Licorice

Mace

Mustard

Mustard Powder

Mustard Seeds

Nutmeg (Seheron)

Grated Nutmeg

Pepper

Black Pepper

Peppercorn

Black Peppercorn

Poppyseed

Saffron

Spice Ball - A variety of mixed spices wrapped in a cheesecloth

Star Anise

Vanilla (Rivain)

Prepared Ingredients

Basic Ingredients

Alcohol

Brandy

Cinnamon-infused whiskey

Dark Llomerryn Rum

Hirol's Lava Burst

Prophet's Laurel Gin

Red Wine

Watered Down Ale

Whiskey

White Seleney Wine

Broth and Stock

Broth

Deepstalker Broth

Fish Broth

Stock

Brown Stock

Eggs

Hard Boiled Egg

Essences and Extracts

Essence

Orange Essence

Extract

Mint Extract

Orange Extract

Vanilla Extract

Golds

Edible Gold Leaf

Gold Dust

Grains

Noodles

Grain-based Noodles

Pasta

Spaghetti

Pie Dough

Oils

Cod Liver Oil

Oil

Sugars

Brown Sugar

Molasses

Powdered Sugar

Sugar

Sugar Syrup

Vinegars

Apple Cider Vinegar

Herbed Wine Vinegar

Vinegar

Desserts and Sweets

Desserts

Buttercream

Caramel

Chocolate

Chocolate Bitters

Custard

Pound Cake

Tea Biscuit

Toffee

Wafer

Jam

Plum Jam

Raspberry Jam

Misc

Sugar Cream Icing

Sugar Flowers

Sugared Rose Petals

Syrup

Dried and Cured Foods

Dried Fruits, Vegetables, and Fungi

Dried Apple

Dried Apricot

Dried Beans

Dried Cherry

Dried Cranberry

Dried Currant

Dried Mushroom

Dried Peas

Prunes

Pitted Prunes

Raisin

Cured Meats

Bacon

Smoked Bacon

Cold Cuts

Dried Meats

Dried Mackerel

Jerky

Lutefisk

Salted

Dried Salt Pork

Salt Pork

Salted Beef

Salted Dragon Meat

Salted Fish

Salted Goat Meat

Salted Meat

Sausage

Blood Sausage

Smoked Sausage

Spiced and Salted Sausage

Smoked

Smoked Beef

Smoked Fish

Smoked Goat Meat

Pickled Foods

Pickled Ox Tongue

Pickles

Prepared Animal Products

Gelatine

Grease

Ground Meat

Ground Beef

Ground Nug

Lard

Spiced Meat

Miscellaneous

Lyrium

Wyvern Venom - There are 47 ways to distill wyvern venom to be safe for consumption.

Canonically Suggested Food and Ingredients

Raw Ingredients

Edible Plants, Fruit, and Vegetables

Edible Plants

Aspen - The inner bark is sweet and starchy. It is edible both raw and cooked, it can also be dried and ground into flour. Some aspens have edible catkins as well.

Beech - The young green spring leaves can be cooked as greens. The inner bark, once dried, can be turned into bread flour.

Birch - The inner bark can be dried and used to make bread flour. Strips of the inner bark could be eaten raw or boiled like noodles. The sap was edible directly from the tree or boiled down into a slightly sweet syrup.

Cactus

Cattail

Clover

Flowers

Cosmos

Daisy

Dog-rose - The rose hips and flower’s petals are used to make teas, preserves, jellies, and pickled relishes.

Elderflower

Gorse

Hollyhock

Jasmin

Lilac

Marguerite

Orchid - The dried corms (tubers) are used to make hot drinks.

Pansy

Peony

Poppy

Snapdragon

Sunflower

Tulip

Wysteria

Lotus - Both the roots and the large seeds are edible when cooked. However the seeds can be eaten raw.

Maple - Along with the sap, the inner bark of maple can be eaten cooked or raw. The seeds and leaves are edible as well once boiled.

Northern Prickleweed - Young prickleweed shoots can be eaten raw, cooked, or pickled.

Palm - Heart of palms are eaten as well as palm oil.

Pine - Aside from pine nuts, the pine pollen, pine cones - only the females, may be eaten once shelled and roasted. Pine needles are used for tea or chewed on for the juices, and the inner pine bark can be dried and ground as flour, used to thicken soups and stews, cooked like spaghetti, or eaten raw. The sap is high in vitamins a and c and has been used to fend off scurvy in the past. The sap can be drunk as a tea in the spring.

Fir Pine

Stone Pine - Produce large pine nuts that make them easier to eat and forage for.

Red Cedar - The inner bark can be dried and ground into a powder, treating scurvy and acting as a nutritious ration added to foods.

Seaweed

Spruce - Spruce tips, spruce needles, spruce tree cones, and the inner bark of a spruce tree.

Thistle

Water Lily

Willow - The inner bark can be scraped off, cooked in strips like spaghetti, dried and ground into flour, or eaten raw.

Wormwood

Fruits and Nuts

Berries

Blackberry (Ferelden)

Blackthorn Berry - also known as sloe berries or sloes.

Rowan Berries - Bitter berries that can be cooked to make jelly or used as flavoring.

Bradford Pear - This small variety of pear comes from a rather foul smelling tree. The pears can be used for jellies, ciders, and hand pie. (Ferelden)

Citron

Melon

Nuts

Acorn

Black Walnut - Used to make syrups and liquors.

Hognut

Peanut (Seheron)

Walnut

Seeds

Sunflower Seeds

Sour Cherry

Sour Grape

Fungi and Mushrooms

Morel mushrooms - There is a blighted morel, so it stands to reason there is a non-blighted morel.

Grain

Flax

Flax Seed

Herbs

Elfroot

Bitter Elfroot

Gossamer Elfroot

Sage

Winterberry

Vegetables

Artichoke (Orlais)

Beet

Daikon Radish (Ferelden)

Animal Byproducts

Dairy

Butter

Goat Butter

Horse Butter

Sheep Butter

Cheese

Donkey Cheese

Horse/Mare cheese - Cheese made from milk of a horse.

Sheep Cheese

Curds

Milk

Buttermilk

Donkey Milk - High in nutrients but low in fat, it can be used as a milk replacement for infants when mixed with a bit of cow/goat cheese to add fat to the milk.

Mares Milk - Milk from a horse, it can be used as a milk replacement for infants.

Sheep Milk

Whey

Eggs

Crocodile Eggs

Duck Eggs

Goose Eggs

Gull Eggs

Partridge Eggs

Peafowl Eggs

Pigeon Eggs

Quail Eggs

Turkey Eggs

Turtle Eggs

Fish/Seafood

Clam

Crab

Crayfish

Jellyfish

Octopus

Shark

Squid

Sturgeon - The source of caviar.

Insects

Cricket

Locust

Meat

Badger

Bear

Crocodile

Donkey

Elk

Fox

Frog

Gazelle

Lynx

Marmot

Moose

Mountain Goat

Otter

Raccoon

Squirrel

Turtle

Wolf

Poultry

Albatross

Eagle

Goose

Grouse

Gull

Lark

Owl

Parrot

Peafowl

Ptarmigan

Quail

Turkey

Miscellanious

Fat

Goose Fat

Maple Syrup

Marrow Bones

Lamb

Ox

Prepared Ingredients

Plant-Based

Almond Milk

Olive Oil

Rice Flour

Rose Water

Sources:

(If you want to find direct links or page numbers check out the wiki’s food and ingredients page.

Dragon Age: Origins (Base and DLCs) Dragon Age: Awakening Dragon Age 2 (Base and DLCs) Dragon Age: The Last Court Dragon Age: Inquisition (DLCs + Multiplayer) Dragon Age Tabletop RPG Core Rulebook Dragon Age Tabletop RPG: Blood in Ferelden Dragon Age Tabletop RPG: Game Master's Kit: Buried Past

World of Thedas Vol. 1 World of Thedas Vol. 2 Dragon Age: The Stolen Throne Dragon Age: The Calling Dragon Age: The Masked Empire Dragon Age: Asunder Dragon Age: Last Flight Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights Short Story: Paper and Steel Short Story: Paying the Ferryman Short Story: Riddle in Truth

Comics: Silent Grove Mage Killer Knight Errant Deception

DA:O Codex Entry: Feast Day Fish Codex entry: The Frostback Mountains Codex entry: Ghilan'nain: Mother of the Halla Codex Entry: The History of Soldier’s Peak: Chapter 3 Codex Entry: The Noladar Anthology of Dwarven Poetry Codex Entry: Praise of the Humble Nug Codex Entry: A Tattered Shopping List Codex entry: The Casteless Armor: Clamshell Plate Armor Armor: Wade’s Superior Dragonbone Plate Boots Item: Ale Item: Brandy Item: Brandy Cheap Item: Chasind Sack Mead Item: Figurine Item: Food Item: Found Cake Item: Garbolg's Backcountry Reserve Item: Golden Scythe 4:90 Black Item: Grand Oak Acorn Item: Lamb Bone Item: Legacy White Shear Item: Love Letter Item: Mosswine Item: Rare Antivan Brandy (Gift) Item: Sugar Cake Item: Sun Blond Vint-1 Item: Wilhelm's Special Brew Item: Wine Weapon: Cat Lady’s Hobble-Stick

DA:A Item: Aqua Magus Item: "Dragon Piss" Item: Hirol's Lava Burst Item: Mackay's Epic Single Malt Item: Moonshine Item: Pie Item: West Hill Brandy

DA II Codex Entry: Elfroot Codex Entry: Orichalcum Codex entry: The Qunari - Asit tal-eb Codex entry: Viscount Marlowe Dumar Codex Entry: The Wine of Chateau Haine Codex Entry: Wyvern Letter: Feeling Inadequate? Item: Dragon’s Blood Junk List: Bottle of Aged Antivan Brandy Junk List: Bottle of Potent Moonshine Junk List: Bottle of Rotgut Junk List: Dwarven Ale Junk List: Orlesian Honeywine Junk List: Qunari Rations Junk List: Stale Biscuit Junk List: Stuffed Parrot

DA:I Codex entry: Andruil's Messenger Codex Entry: The Ben-Hassrath Codex Entry: Blackwall the Last Few Years Codex Entry: Bottles of Thedas Codex Entry: Charred Notebook Codex Entry: The City of Starkhaven Codex Entry: A Compendium of Orlesian Theater Codex entry: Correspondence Interruptus Codex Entry: The Diary of Triolus Hertubise Codex Entry: Grey Whiskey/Ritewine/Conscription Ale Codex entry: Hard in Hightown: Chapter Ten Codex Entry: Hard in Hightown: Chapter Eleven Codex Entry: Hard in Hightown: Chapter ??? Codex Entry: In the Mist: The Windline Marcher Codex Entry: La Pomme Vie et More Codex Entry: A Letter to Harding Codex Entry: Mad Emperor Reville Codex Entry: A Magister’s Needs Codex Entry: A Nutty Affair Codex Entry: On Avvar Cuisine Codex entry: The Perendale War Codex Entry: The Pickled Apples of Arlathan Codex Entry: Plant vs. Corpses Codex Entry: Ram Codex Entry: Redcliffe (Inquisition) Codex Entry: A Scholar’s Journal Codex Entry: Spindleweed Codex Entry: A Supply List Codex Entry: Surviving the Western Approach Codex Entry: Three Little Empresses Codex Entry: Waterlogged Diary Note: Betta’s Travel Journal Note: Cook’s Note Note: The Gilded Horn Drink List Note: Instructions for the Maid Note: Knight-Captain's Orders Note: A Note from the Skyhold Kitchen Note: The Rusted Horn’s Menu Note: Scribbled Note Note: Short Note Item: Carved Cricket Charm Item: Eagle Feather Charm Item: Fox's Pendant Item: Grouse Feather Charm War Table Mission: Abernache over Under War Table Mission: Dance with the Dowager: The Allemande War Table Mission: Disaster in the Deep Roads War Table Mission: Gain Access to Ghilan’nain’s Grove Wartable Mission: Inspire Wartable Mission: Plant Crystal in Venatori Headquarters War Table Mission: Smash Wartable Mission: The Tevinter Resistance Weapon: The Jade Ham Weapon: Wedge of Destiny

The Last Court Cards: The Acerbic Dowager The Anchoress (Card) The Antidote The Arrival of the Divine Atop the Tower of Lights The Boastful Neighbor The Chantry Unsealed Decide the Archoress’s Fate The Elegant Abbess The Fields Flames of Freedom Glass The Glassblowers' Anger Go Hunting Good Neighbors Graffiti Grant a Petition The Heartwood Feast The Hounds The Next Course Outlaw Councils A Plea for Sanctuary The Purveyor of Teas A Swift Stream Thieves A Tumbledown Shack An Unofficial Meeting The Wayward Bard The Whispering Woods The Wyvern is Cornered Your Bailiff is Attacked Your Bard is Restored to You

Like this stuff? Wanna support the blog? You can check out my ko-fi.

[colorfulstudentmuffinmaker]

Why not watch Empires? We got

A trio of siblings who have questionable but good intentions all of whom share a love for messing with a cod man (see below) consisting of:

A dracophilic amethyst wizard lady with concentration issues and a giant hat disproportionate to her body.

A vampiresque tinkerer with a number of odd obsessions: deepslate redstone ore, explosions, flags, mountain building and salmon.

A family friendly, exuberant king in the woods with buildmania and a religious devotion to his dog(s from other dimensions) who has released a demon, committed mass murder and killed his siblings, not necessarily in that order, who platonically kissed the codman.

An ancient pair of siblings born from the ocean,

The big sister axolotly lady with living coral roofs, bee-axolotl hybrids, swole axolotl golems, a bigass world map, a longass tunnel and a voice as enchanting as a siren.

The little brother cod man with lots of slime and memory issues with an unhealthy obsession with his codhead (and a possessive inclination to a certain elf), and an intense abhorrence to salmon.

The resident duo who wants to do the nasty with them:

The jaded man whom the axolotl lady wed, with an even more intense case of buildmania, a lot of Harry Potter quotes, hatred of horses, can spit bars and one who chooses to be blind to the plague that troubles the land.

A slutty elf with a ton of wool, golden antlers, a love for owls (and a certain codman), likes to be alone on his mountain, and has a magical destiny of defeating his demon brother and/or plunging the world in eternal winter.

The three queens of nature:

A flower fairy queen who just wants peace in her meadows with the bees, butterflies and sheep but keeps getting dragged into chaos. She also has a disturbing hobby of collecting severed heads.

A mushroom-loving (interpret that as you will) gnome from a faraway land who can't swim and citizens who always die who scattered demonic gunk all over the land like a shoe with dog doodoo. She also loves wolves.

(the former two being fanonically in love)

An unstoppable farmer queen who enjoys playing with the demon and has a merciless flying trial. Her kingdom has lots of paper, and a giant beanstalk, with the mascot being a goose face. Also #ProDragonLife.

An undying, bloodthirsty chaotic evil (yes the noun here is chaotic evil) who killed a dragon for demon dick, he owns a pack of velociraptors for some reason in his Ancient Mesoamerican-inspired kingdom with (soon to be) four elemental temples filled with cat people.

A dedicated, copper-loving, intelligent prophet living in the desert who only eats honey, uses lightning, master pranker and records deaths with candles and lanterns. Literally goes with the flow, guy is awesome, huge dad/uncle vibes. He did commit mass murder at one point too but eh.

Finally, we got a demon... who, in summary, needs millennia of therapy.

[helshound]

Hel Rosary Prayers

I feel like the catholics are onto something with this so I wanted in on the action. all the prayers are under the cut.

These sets of epithets are intended to be used ín the same manner as mysteries in the catholic rosary. The prayers following them correspond to the rosary beads as labelled, except for the closing prayer which is not inherently tied to a specific bead.

Cultus Epithets

Cultus of Peace ● Hel Feasthall - she of food, connection, community, and storytelling ● Hel Honey-Laugh - she who seeks and values genuine happiness ● Hel Gift-Giver - the generous Queen who cares for her people ● Hel Justice - she who rules fairly and judges wisely ● Hel Amity - she of peace and cooperation

Cultus of Opposites ● Hel of Hard Roads - she of the difficult path we need to take. ● Hel of the Lights - the lantern held out, the hope in the dark. ● Hel of the Antler Crown - her fierce aspect. ● Hel of the Flower Crown - her gentler aspect. ● Hel Half-dead - her paradox aspect, the mingling of her opposites.

Cultus of Strength ● Hel of Cool Comfort - she who eases the pain ● Hel Restful - who grants us peace in sleep and death ● Hel Preservation - keeping us safe and well-protected ● Hel Perseverance - the strength you didn't know you had ● Hel Ironclad - your death is hers and no one else's. she will protect you.

Cultus of Transformation ● Hel of the Hospices - lives that will soon no longer be. ● Hel of the Veils - life, death, the boundary between them. ● Hel Conservation - scientific, environmental, spiritual. ● Hel Hailstorm - she in her cold Hagalaz aspect, apocalyptic change. ● Hel Lepidoptera - metamorphosis, transformation, growth. (pendant) Lady, I come before you, ashen and unsteady, not to find my rest but to mourn. I mourn who I once was. I mourn what could have been. I mourn those who have no mourners. I mourn lives lost to madness and violence. When I began, I knew just what I was mourning. Each year that passes I know less. And yet I come before you, year after year. I come with offerings and song, marked as one of your people. And I mourn.

(first bead) Hail to you, Hela, Grandmother Death. Silent your wisdom, yours my last breath. Reading our wyrd in cobwebs and lace, Ancestor´s hostess, grant us your grace.

(second bead) Hail to you, Hela, ender of strife. Half fair, half rotten, mirror of life. Cool is your comfort, equal for all. Highways and alleys end in your hall.

(third bead) Hail to you, Hela, Lady of Dust. All wyrd will ever go as it must. Carving our way on the edge of a knife, Éljúðnir´s Mistress, teach us of life.

(skull bead) You are half a life in darkness, half a death in day. But those who love you will have you whole – and in our night you will lead us home. (rose + roots) Hel, my fulltrua. Hel, my Queen. Hel, my Mistress. Hel, my everything. Keeper of memories, bestower of lifetimes. Eternal twilight and stars. Hear my call and grant me your blessing.

(decade beads) Hail Hel, the blessed keeper of our Honoured Dead. Exalted among the gods, you are with us from beginning to end. Our Lady of Solemn Remembrance, we ask you to lead us through another long night. Light our way in this night and all the nights ahead. 

(closing prayer) Night gathers, and you are by my side. I shall be with you till my death. I shall take no life, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die with your aid. I pledge my life and honor to Helheim, for this night and all the nights to come.

——— credit and information ———–

The hail mary-like prayer comes from alaskanlesbian, but I modified it to suit me better. Similarly, for the prayer to be said on the pendant I modified this prayer. The prayer for the first three beads can also be found here and is by someone I have actually met in person before ^^ The closing prayer is modified from the night’s watch vows from asoiaf.

Finally, I got the idea to imitate catholicism’s practice of meditating on those mysteries. For this, I used some of the cultus epithets from queenofswords (and added some of my own invention). There are many more than the ones I used here, so check them out!

If you decide to use this rosary format or if you modify it, feel free to let me know! I’m always interested in that kinda thing. 

Bonus: Hel modelling my rosary

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ACOK: Tyrion XII (Chapter 54)

This was inevitable. Too much enjoyment the previous three chapters.

She looked at the letter thoughtfully. "Why must I suffer accusations every time some Stark stubs his toe? This was Greyjoy's work, I had nothing to do with it."

"Let us hope Lady Catelyn believes that."

Her eyes widened. "She wouldn't—"

"—kill Jaime? Why not? What would you do if Joffrey and Tommen were murdered?"

"I still hold Sansa!" the queen declared.

"We still hold Sansa," he corrected her, "and we had best take good care of her.

Big surprise this is coming after Jon.

You're both wrong.

"All that way," Ned affirmed. "The Lannister woman shall never have this skin." - Eddard III, AGOT

Not yours. Never yours.

+.+.+

Cersei set a tasty table, that could not be denied. They started with a creamy chestnut soup, crusty hot bread, and greens dressed with apples and pine nuts. Then came lamprey pie, honeyed ham, buttered carrots, white beans and bacon, and roast swan stuffed with mushrooms and oysters. Tyrion was exceedingly courteous; he offered his sister the choice portions of every dish, and made certain he ate only what she did. Not that he truly thought she'd poison him, but it never hurt to be careful.

Feast update: Tyrion Lannister is still eating well.

I'm taking note of that poison, and putting it in the file.

+.+.+

"I've never trusted Littlefinger. For enough coin, he'd go over to Stannis in a heartbeat."

"Stannis Baratheon is too bloody righteous to buy men.

Did I imagine all those mercenaries?

+.+.+

As the swan was being served, the queen questioned him about the conspiracy of the Antler Men. She seemed more annoyed than afraid. "Why are we plagued with so many treasons? What injury has House Lannister ever done these wretches?"

"None," said Tyrion, "but they think to be on the winning side . . . which makes them fools as well as traitors."

"Are you certain you've found them all?"

"Varys says so." The swan was too rich for his taste.

Following Daenerys IV (House of the Undying), we had Tyrion XI.

Treason was briefly mentioned, and it immediately caught my eye:

His sister had insisted that Joffrey strip Blount of his white cloak on the grounds of treason and cowardice. And now she replaces him with another man just as hollow.

It didn't seem like anything noteworthy though.

What did stand out was the passage on Lord Swann:

Pleading illness, Lord Gulian Swann had remained in his castle, taking no part in the war, but his eldest son had ridden with Renly and now Stannis, while Balon, the younger, served at King's Landing. If he'd had a third son, Tyrion suspected he'd be off with Robb Stark. It was not perhaps the most honorable course, but it showed good sense; whoever won the Iron Throne, the Swanns intended to survive.

Smells of that black and green-eyed Lannister, no?

Now, for the second Tyrion chapter in a row, we're revisiting the idea of switching to the winning side, and this time attaching the word treason to it.

Spoiler alert, the chapter will conclude with Tyrion calling himself a fool.

Isn't that so Tyrion? He would never abandon Daenerys because he morally objects, he would do it for self-preservation.

On top of all of this, the text keeps bringing up swan (both times!). That's typically code for another character, but I might be reaching.

+.+.+

A line appeared on Cersei's pale white brow, between those lovely eyes. "You put too much trust in that eunuch."

"He serves me well."

"Or so he'd have you believe. You think you're the only one he whispers secrets to? He gives each of us just enough to convince us that we'd be helpless without him. He played the same game with me, when I first wed Robert. For years, I was convinced I had no truer friend at court, but now . . ." She studied his face for a moment. "He says you mean to take the Hound from Joffrey."

Damn Varys. "I need Clegane for more important duties."

Will Tyrion finally stop depending on Varys now that he knows he's more than willing to sell him out?

No.

+.+.+

"Joff's only a boy."

"A boy who wants to be part of this battle, and for once he's showing some sense. I don't intend to put him in the thick of the fighting, but he needs to be seen. Men fight more fiercely for a king who shares their peril than one who hides behind his mother's skirts."

Catelyn's got the next chapter.

+.+.+

"He's thirteen, Tyrion."

"Remember Jaime at thirteen? If you want the boy to be his father's son, let him play the part.

Kind of amusing we don't know whether he's referring to Jaime or Robert, but it works both ways.

+.+.+

He had thought that might reassure her, but he saw no sign of pleasure in those green eyes. "Will the city fall?"

"No." But if it does, pray that we can hold the Red Keep long enough for our lord father to march to our relief.

A little far-fetched King's Landing is not receiving any communication from Tywin Lannister.

I get it. Storytelling. The art of suspense.

+.+.+

Cersei beckoned for the sweet. "I hope you like blackberry tarts."

Funny woman.

+.+.+

"What are you trying to say?"

"Only this—I have your little whore."

[...]

"Why should you care who I choose to warm my bed?"

"A Lannister always pays his debts," she said. "You've been scheming against me since the day you came to King's Landing. You sold Myrcella, stole Tommen, and now you plot to have Joff killed. You want him dead so you can rule through Tommen."

She's not wrong?

He has been scheming against her since he arrived to King's Landing.

He sold Myrcella to a kingdom with plenty of hostility towards House Lannister, without ever speaking to Cersei about it. If you think that's bad now, wait until Myrcella is dead.

He abducted Tommen to carry out the exact same plan that Cersei had already set in motion.

He keeps threatening Joffrey, he lay a beating on him in public, and now he's attempting to weaken his personal guard during the battle.

+.+.+

"She'll be treated gently enough, so long as no harm comes to my sons. If Joff should be killed, however, or if Tommen should fall into the hands of our enemies, your little cunt will die more painfully than you can possibly imagine."

She truly believes I mean to kill my own nephew.

Well yeah.

She doesn't have access to your internal monologue, you fucking moron.

+.+.+

"Bring in my brother's whore."

Ser Osmund's brothers Osney and Osfryd were peas from the same pod, tall men with hooked noses, dark hair, and cruel smiles. She hung between them, eyes wide and white in her dark face. Blood trickled from her broken lip, and he could see bruises through her torn clothing. Her hands were bound with rope, and they'd gagged her so she could not speak.

[...]

Tyrion wanted to laugh at her. It would have been so sweet, so very very sweet, but it would have given the game away. You've lost, Cersei, and the Kettleblacks are even bigger fools than Bronn claimed. All he needed to do was say the words.

Here's another quick rundown for you.

Tyrion is forbidden to take his sex worker to King's Landing by his father.

He does so anyway.

Knowing Shae is in grave danger, he goes to great lengths to keep her hidden.

To protect Shae, he fakes visits with Alayaya.

This puts Alayaya at risk.

He never considers this. Or maybe he does, and doesn't care.

Not surprisingly, Cersei eventually finds out about Alayaya, and holds her hostage.

But not before beating the shit out of her.

She presents this broken girl to Tyrion, and warns him that she's a dead woman should anything happen to her children.

After realizing Cersei has the wrong sex worker, Tyrion's first reaction is

TO

LAUGH.

+.+.+

He pushed himself to his feet. "Keep her then, but keep her safe. If these animals think they can use her . . . well, sweet sister, let me point out that a scale tips two ways." His tone was calm, flat, uncaring; he'd reached for his father's voice, and found it. "Whatever happens to her happens to Tommen as well, and that includes the beatings and rapes." If she thinks me such a monster, I'll play the part for her.

Cersei had not expected that. "You would not dare."

Tyrion made himself smile, slow and cold. Green and black, his eyes laughed at her. "Dare? I'll do it myself."

Is there anything worse he could have said in this moment?

Similar to Aemon's counsel to "kill the boy," we finally see the flaw in the following advice:

"Let me give you some counsel, bastard," Lannister said. "Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you." - Jon I, AGOT

What's especially infuriating about this though, is that he starts off this altercation knowing he should act unbothered, because it's the best course of action for Shae.

"And the whore?" He would not call her by name. If I can convince her Shae means nothing to me, perhaps . . .

Apparently now that he knows it's not Shae, it's a good idea to goad a volatile, violent woman.

+.+.+

Her blood still marked him as he looked down at the queen. "I have never liked you, Cersei, but you were my own sister, so I never did you harm. You've ended that. I will hurt you for this. I don't know how yet, but give me time. A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt is paid."

...

Wow.

How have I never put together this is perfect foreshadowing for Cersei being in King's Landing when Daenerys pops off? Ashes in your mouth...

Wow.

+.+.+

Shae sat cross-legged in the canopied bed, nude but for the heavy golden chain that looped across the swell of her breasts: a chain of linked golden hands, each clasping the next.

Tyrion had not expected her. "What are you doing here?"

Laughing, she stroked the chain. "I wanted some hands on my titties . . . but these little gold ones are cold."

I don't think you want golden hands anywhere near your neck, Shae.

+.+.+

"The Lady Lollys—"

"She's asleep. Sleep's all she ever wants to do, the great cow. She sleeps and she eats. Sometimes she falls asleep while she's eating. The food falls under the blankets and she rolls in it, and I have to clean her." She made a disgusted face. "All they did was fuck her."

I might defend Shae here and there, but don't think for one second I like her.

+.+.+

She gave a shrug. "Lord Varys made me wear a hood. I couldn't see, except . . . there was one place, I got a peep at the floor out the bottom of the hood. It was all tiles, you know, the kind that make a picture?"

"A mosaic?"

Shae nodded. "They were colored red and black. I think the picture was a dragon. Otherwise, everything was dark. We went down a ladder and walked a long ways, until I was all twisted around. Once we stopped so he could unlock an iron gate. I brushed against it when we went through. The dragon was past the gate. Then we went up another ladder, with a tunnel at the top. I had to stoop, and I think Lord Varys was crawling."

Nothing at all suspicious about the author going into this much detail.

It only now occurred to me that Shae probably entered Tywin's bedchambers this way every single time. Meaning Varys always had to escort her. Escort her to Tywin.

sometimes I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King's Landing - Tyrion III, ACOK

Lulz.

+.+.+

After a few moments he stopped her. "What's wrong?" she asked. All the sweet innocence of the world was written there in the lines of her young face.

Innocence? Fool, she's a whore, Cersei was right, you think with your cock, fool, fool.

Yeah, we know. You're dumb.

Final thoughts:

Ashes in your mouth. I can't believe it.

21 down, 28 to go. :(

-> return to menu <-

[softboywriting]

Mi Alma | Santiago “Pope” Garcia

Summary: After years of tension, you and Santiago finally get together at your best friend’s wedding. [Film: Triple Frontier] [Post-Film] [Flirting] [Making Out] 

Word Count: 6.7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Frankie and Tiia's wedding is unlike any other you've been to, and you've been to a few. You're the last of your friends to get married, if it ever happens. You're picky with your men, have high standards. It's fine. You don't mind being alone for a while. Drama and games are not in the cards for you so you won't settle for someone. But this isn't about you and your love life, or so you think.

The couple was never quite normal. Frankie coming from a Catholic upbringing and since shunning it to become his own man and follow his heart. Tiia has always been a free spirit and very much into the unknown and world around her. They make an interesting yet perfect match and their wedding is no run of the mill church ceremony with a bunch of people in pews for hours on end. No. They have quite the opposite.

For starters the wedding is outdoors, a forested area just behind the house Frankie and Tiia bought last year. It's beautiful, the trees in full bloom, greenery as far as the eye can see. There wasn't a ton of prep to be done for the ceremony, just setting up chairs and arranging flowers among the natural foliage. Orange and yellow, those are Tiia's colors. Roses, carnations, peonies, you name it. She took everything the florist could get her in those colors. Frankie didn't care, he said he would love anything she loves. There is an arch made of wood that a friend of yours specially crafted just for the happy couple. It's their wedding gift from him, as Tiia will put it in her garden after the ceremony.  

The day Tiia showed you her dress you knew that the wedding would be magical. It's non traditional of course, very Greek goddess meets fairy queen. Draped white and cream fabric, gold accents, braided embellishments. It's incredible and she looks completely stunning in it. It isn't until the day of the wedding that you see her veil, natural colored faux antlers made into a crown like setting atop her head. She is beautiful.

You find yourself on the day of the wedding getting ready and waiting for the ceremony to start. You've not been told who you are to walk with. Tiia said she didn't tell any of the bridesmaids who they're walking with because she didn't want to cause any problems. Honestly you're not sure what that means, you only know that your friend Caiti would have a problem if she was paired up with Benny because of a past relationship. You check your reflection in the small mirror decor beside the door you're meant to go out. You look fine. Good. Great actually. You twist your finger around a loose bit of hair by your temple and smooth the top of the dress that matches Tiia's flowy one. Damn good.

"You're up." Says Tiia's brother, opening the patio doors for you.

You take a deep breath, pull up the hem of your dress and step out. The plan is that you meet your groomsman at the end of the wrap around deck and you walk to the forest together. You can't help but wonder who it will be. Any of the guys would be great, you're familiar with them all. Benny? He is single currently. Will? No, his fiance is in the bridal party. Frankie's brother? Maybe but...no. Santiago. Oh Lord have mercy. If it's Santiago you're going to have to reach deep into yourself and find some inner calm. Every time the two of you are together with the crew it's like fire. It is undeniable the way you connect but you have never- shit.

At the end of the deck is Santiago. He looks insanely...tempting. You say a prayer to any force listening. Did he have to look so good? Tailored slacks, a deep blue button down, no tie and sleeve rolled up, even the watch on his wrist is sexy. Fucking hell you could just turn around and run back into the house. Demand another partner.

"Hermosa..." Santiago mutters as you approach.

"What's that?"

Santiago snaps his eyes to yours and smiles warmly. "Nothing, I was just thinking out loud." He offers his arm and you take it.

"What does that mean? Hermosa?"

He leads you carefully down the steps into the grass. "It means beautiful."

"Oh...oh!" You flush, heat rising from your chest. "Thank you."

Santiago chuckles softly and lifts your hand to kiss it. "Every woman should be told they look beautiful."

"You're a sweet talker today."

"I've had a drink or two. Frankie and I had a talk before the wedding, pre marital nerves."

"I can't imagine. I've never gotten that far into a relationship."

Santiago's eyes meet yours as you glance over to gauge his reaction. He raises his eyebrows and you raise yours. It's always like this. Silent conversations. They're louder than any words you've ever exchanged. "Are you excited for Tiia?"

"Through the roof. She hasn't shut up about Frankie since they met. I'm glad she's found her person."

"Me too." He stops as you arrive at the archway. "You never know when you'll meet the right person."

"Yeah, I guess so."

He steps away, touch lingering on your hand as he parts. "Who knows, maybe you've already met them."

You look at him and he says nothing more, just gives a little smile. He knows exactly what he's doing. Fueling the fire. That's it. This wedding, you're getting Santiago Garcia.

______________________

The entire ceremony you stared at each other and it is unlike ever before, there was no conversation in your eyes. It was just a game of who could out stare who. Until Frankie began reading his vows, then Santiago's gaze changed. It flicked between you and Frankie, soft and loving.

There were tears, actual tears when Frankie began to talk about how he felt about Tiia and their bond. All of the guys were crying, proud of their best friend to be so happy and excited to take this step in his life. But Santiago...he couldn't look away from you. You try not to look away from Tiia and Frankie, knowing they deserve your undivided attention and not Santiago. It's hard. Santiago's eyes...they're undeniable, irresistible, commanding. He is making it hard not to think about what it would be like to be in your friends shoes, or lack thereof because she is actually barefoot under that dress. What would a wedding with Santiago look like? A beautiful tailored suit, beard grown out a bit for sure, messy curls, bowtie or regular tie. Hmm. And your dress, white or blush? Formal or fun? You've never thought about your own wedding and yet here you are just-

You snap out of your dream world when the guests begin to clap, the ceremony is over. You raise your hands and clap, smiling at your friends. Santiago gestures for you to join him as the bride and groom walk back down the path. You're meant to follow after, being in the wedding party and all.

Santiago's hand slides across your lower back the moment you're in reach. You swear you can feel your skin tingle all the way up to the back of your neck. "That was incredible."

"It was a very pretty ceremony."

"Are you feeling well?"

You frown and look at him, he raises his eyebrows. "Yes? Do I look ill?"

He shakes his head. "Not in the slightest. You looked...distracted."

"Can't say I wasn't."

Santiago gives a soft knowing hum in response and nothing more. Kindling. He's throwing kindling into this fire now. The son of a bitch. No. You would never call him that. He's too good. "Ride with me?" He says and you realize you've walked together to the front of the house where everyone is parked.  

"I-...Benny."

"Benny?"

"I promised Benny I'd ride with him. I'm supposed to be his DD tonight and care for his truck should he get a little out of hand."

Santiago smiles softly. "I see. I'll meet you at the hall then?"

You nod.

He lays a hand on your cheek and presses a kiss to the opposite side. "Drive safe."

Your heart threatens to explode and you're stuck standing there like a deer in headlights. There is no way you're going to survive this wedding.

_____________________

The reception is when things really kick off, it usually is though isn't it. The reception is held at a party rental hall in town, their house not being ready for so many guests and a large dinner and dancing. You ride with Benny, having to just take a moment and figure out what your next move is with Santiago.

"You and Pope, huh?" Benny says, looking over at you. "When's that happening?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on anyone with eyes could see you two tryin’ to undress each other up there."

You stifle a noise of protest because you know that if you make a scene about it then Benny will be even nosier. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah alright sweetheart." Benny laughs to himself, a quick breathy little chuckle. "If a girl looked at me like that for an hour, we'd be kicking boots in the back of this truck right now."

"You're gross Benny."

"Never said I wasn't." He grins and does a little tongue click. "Pope is a good man, the best I know. Give'em a chance."

"Sure, thanks for the pep talk Benny."

"Anytime sweetheart."

Once you arrive at the reception you immediately run into Santiago. No, literally you smack into him when you step in the doors. He seemed to be on his way outside as you were going in. His familiar spicy cologne flls your nose and your eyes cross for a moment. You know it's him before he speaks, before you see his face.

His hand comes up, steadying you with it on your back. "Easy there, honey."

Honey. Fuck. You're so fucked. "Sorry, I was just trying to go in."

"Mmm. I forgot my phone in the car, I'll be back."

"I'll be seated?" You say awkwardly.

He chuckles and steps away from you. "Go on, don't wait for me."

"I wasn't going to?" You step in and look around for your table. It should be near the front. You look for the names and sure enough there you are right next to... Santiago. "Great."

"Is something wrong?"

You jump and Will chuckles. "No, I'm fine."

"Where'd Pope go?"

"His phone."

Will nods. "Have you seen Benny?"

You shrug. "We drove together but I've no idea where he went. Check the bar?"

"I checked there, I bet he's out back." Will sighs and heads for the emergency exit door that's propped open at the far end of the building.

You take a seat and Santiago returns, sliding behind you and taking his seat next to you. The chairs are close, the table being a little small for the amount of people seated at it. You can feel Santiago's warmth, his scent filling your nose. Oh how you love that cologne. It's one of two he's worn since you met and this one just nails it right on the head. If you knew the brand you would buy it and drown yourself in it.

His hand comes down on your thigh and you feel like the world has stopped and begun to burn around you. It is absolutely no mistake, he knows what he's doing. His fingers flex against the loose fabric of the dress and it falls open a bit along the side split, exposing your skin beneath.

Will stands from the end of your table and taps his glass a few times. He is going to make a speech. Of course, it's Will and he is the best speech giver you've ever met. You try to distract yourself, wondering how many wedding speeches he has given. If you ask him he will know. If you ask him how many of anything he has or does he will know. You smile to yourself, eyes flicking to Santiago. Will is the reason any of this is happening. If he hadn't given Santiago the coordinates to the ravine with Lorea's money, Santiago would have never gone after it, never gifted the wedding fund to Tiia and Frankie.

Santiago's hand shifts and you're acutely aware of its position further up your leg, his pinky finger brushing your tender inner thigh. Should you tell him to stop? He didn't ask to touch you, and you didn't tell him yes or no. Did he need to ask though? Honestly you don't mind aside from the fact that it's driving you crazy. He must know what he is doing to you, how you feel. He has always been physically affectionate with everyone, hugging, cheek kisses, hands on arms and backs. His love language is very obviously touching.

Will begins to wrap up, and you raise your glass with everyone else to toast. Santiago grabs his glass with his non dominant hand, not letting your thigh go. "To many years of love, happiness and joy. Mr. and Mrs. Morales!"

"I'm up next." Santiago says, giving you a squeeze that makes your stomach jump.

You watch him stand and he taps his glass. You have no idea why but your heart is pounding in your chest. His ass is in perfect view, his thighs...oh his thighs. You decide to get a little retribution for the thigh touching and you lay your hand on the back of his leg, just above the bend of his knee. It's not much, just a gentle touch and nowhere near sexual. You're sure he's burning up though.

"Tiia, the day Frankie met you I knew his fate was sealed. I had not once seen my brother so engrossed in a woman than when he talked about you. When you and I finally met, and I saw that red hair of yours, I knew there was something special. Hermana, eres fuego. You have made Frankie a better man, a calmer and more gentle man. Without you I don't know where he would be." Santiago raises his glass higher. "I hope to find a love like yours someday. Cheers to new family, life and a beautiful union!"

Your hand falls from his leg as he sits down and he slides his back over your thigh. "That was a nice speech," you whisper.

"Thank you. I know it wasn't nearly as long and detailed as Will's but I tried." He swipes his thumb back and forth. "Even if I had a little bit of a distraction."

You smile and give him an innocent look.

"Malo..." He mutters softly and tears his gaze from yours to Benny who's standing at the table opposite.

You reach out and run your hand over his shoulder, settling with it on the back of his neck. Your fingers slip into the curls there and he lets out a subtle shaky breath that you don't miss for a second. Two can participate in his game of touches and you're going to play hardball.

Benny makes his speech, short but sweet and meaningful. Tom's wife is up next. Before she stands you make eye contact with Tiia. You could feel her stare before you caught it. She gives a little smirk.

"Honey, you're going to make me fall asleep." Santiago whispers, ducking his head close to you after a minute or two.

"That's not quite my goal."

He slips his hand down your inner thigh and you feel heat swell between your legs. "What is your goal?"

"What is your goal, Santiago."

"I-"

"Thank you everyone for coming and for your well wishes. It means the world to Tiia and I that we're surrounded by so much love." Frankie says and everyone cheers softly. "Let's have dinner and cake!"

"Bride or groom?" Santiago asks, close to your ear.

"H-Huh?"

"The cakes. Bride or groom's cake?" He points to the table with the two cakes on it. "I'll get you a piece."

You try to remember what kind they both are but you're drawing a blank. All you can focus on is Santiago and you feel bad. This day should be about your friends and here you are wetting your fucking pants for Santiago Garcia. Christ.

"Honey?" He purrs and your mouth falls open as he squeezes your thigh. "I'll get one of each."

"Y-yeah. "

Santiago stands and leaves the table. The lack of heat on your leg is a shock. You're still burning up but it's nowhere near as bad as when he's close. Tiia comes over and leans against your table, she grins knowingly at you.

"How's it going over here?"

"Fine? Should it not be?"

"Is he being nice?"

"Santi?"

"Santi?"

You flush and lean your head into your hand. "Santiago. Yes, he's being nice. Why? He is always a sweetheart."

Santiago returns with two plates of cake and sets them on the table. He grabs Tiia's cheek and gives her a kiss to the temple. "Hermana."

"Problema." Tiia giggles and Santiago rolls his eyes.

"I am not trouble." He takes his seat beside you and gives a pointed look at Frankie nearby laughing with Will and Benny. "Hay problema."

Tiia pushes Santiago's head and he laughs. "Frankie is not trouble! He's a good boy."

"Mmmm." Santiago says, raising his eyebrows. "Good boys don't have the most fun." He catches your gaze and winks.

"You're insufferable. Enjoy the cake, lovely." Tiia says to you and heads off to meet her new husband.

Santiago dips his fork into the slice of white and yellow frosted cake, the bride's cake, and brings it up to your lips. "Try it?"

"I can feed myself," you giggle and he bumps the frosted bit against your lips. You open and take the cake in. It's delicious and you remember now. It's an apple spiced white cake with caramel cream center.

"Good?" He asks, cutting a bit for himself. "Oh wow that's amazing."

You nod and reach for your own fork but Santiago pushes it away. "Hey-"

"I got it." He smirks, cutting a slice of the groom's cake. Chocolate with butter rum filling. "Open up."

"Give me my fork, Santiago."

He shakes his head and you reach for it. He knocks your hand away and holds your wrist loosely. "Ah, I said open up."

"Santi..."

His eyes go darker than you've ever seen and you imagine they must be lust filled to be so heavy. "Open up." He says once more, but this time with more authority.

You open your mouth obediently and he presses the fork down gently to your tongue as he slides it out. "Mmmm."

"Better than the last one?" He asks, cutting another piece and holding it up for you. You take it in as well and he smiles.

This is far too intimate. What the fuck are you doing? You're not even together, you're not dating, neither of you have explicitly said this was happening. Not to mention you're at your friend's wedding, in front of people and he's... he's driving you insane.

"Excuse me." You mutter softly, pushing away from the table and leaving a very confused Santiago behind. You head for the emergency exit and take a deep breath of the cool spring air as you step outside. You need to breathe.

___________________

Minutes tick by as you sit on the fence post that blocks a patio area from the parking lot. You figured Santiago would have come for you by now, but you didn't expect it. He's too sweet to impede upon your personal space when he knows you definitely needed it because of his actions. Footsteps behind you draw your attention away from the passing traffic on the road nearby. It's Will.

"What're you doing out here all alone?"

"Getting some fresh air."

"I can understand that." Will takes a seat next to you. "I saw you head out here earlier. I figured I'd give you a little bit before coming to check on you."

"Thanks. Am I missing anything?"

"Tiia is going to throw the bouquet soon. Do you want to catch it?"

You laugh softly to yourself. Do you want to? Do you want to be the next friend to marry? You're the only one not married besides Benny. The rest of the guests are family or friends who are married. "Maybe Benny should give it a try."

Will snorts and you laugh at the sound. "You'd need tempered steel to tie that man down. He's too wild, too free to settle down."

"Yeah, Benny is...Benny."

Will taps your arm with the back of his hand. "C'mon, let's go see who gets the bouquet."

"Alright." You slide off the fence and head back into the hall with Will.

Inside you see a crowd of people near the bride and grooms table. Tiia has her back to the crowd and you watch as she swings the bundle of flowers backwards. There is a collective gasp and you strain to see who caught the flowers.

As the crowd clears you see Santiago standing there with the bouquet. He's laughing, saying something to Frankie's aunt nearby and then he sees you. Your heart races. He gestures for you to come to him.

"Why did you-"

"For you." He holds the bouquet up and kisses your cheek. "I thought you might want them."

"Thank you. They're pretty."

"Are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah, why- oh. When I went outside. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just run out on you." You lick your lips and look down from his gaze. "I just needed some air."

Santiago cups your cheek. "Hey, look at me."

You look at him and it's a mistake. Your heart pounds, threatening to break through your ribs. "Yes?"  

He leans in whispers, "Did I go too far earlier?"

"The cake?"

He nods.

"It was unexpected, but no." You can feel a flush rising in your chest. "I mean you've always been affectionate but we haven't really...talked about it."

Santiago chuckles softly. "I suppose we haven't. It's always been there but we've never acknowledged it. Are you uncomfortable? I know I'm a few years older and-"

"Santiago."

"Yes?"

"We're in the middle of a wedding. Maybe we should discuss this later? More privately?" You look around at the crowd that's pretty much dispersed.

He cracks a sheepish smile and tucks a bit of hair behind your ear, gliding his fingertips along your cheek before bumping your lip with his thumb. "Mas tarde, cariña," he murmurs.

You lick your lip where he touched and he doesn't miss it, eyes snapping to your mouth. "You know that I know limited Spanish."

"I said we'll talk later." He puts his arm around you and guides you toward your table. "Let's clear the way for the married couple's first dance."

_____________________

The first dance doesn't happen right away. The removal of the garter happens first. For those unfamiliar, it's like the tossing of the bouquet but generally for the men. The husband removes his wife's garter, a thin band of fabric worn around the thigh, and tosses it to the crowd. The one who catches it is said to be the next to marry. It's a symbol of good luck.

You watch as Tiia takes a seat in a chair brought out to the center floor. She is bright pink and you can't help but laugh a little. Frankie comes around the chair, taking her hand and kissing it gently. He says something you can't make out, but Tiia smiles.

"Come on Frankie!" Benny hollers.

"Oh be quiet Benny!" Frankie quips, flipping off his friend. "Not like you want it!"

"The hell I don't!"

Everyone laughs.

Santiago's hand slides over your knee, pushing the dress aside and allowing it to fall open. He can't keep his hands off of you it seems.

Frankie kneels down and pushes Tiia's dress up to expose her legs.

Santiago's hand inches up your leg, massaging his fingertips tenderly into the soft skin. You spare him a glance and his focus seems to be on the married couple like everyone else.

Frankie leans in and grabs the garter with his teeth and the guests cheer him on. You attempt to clap but your brain is elsewhere, short circuiting on the arousal nerves between your legs.

"Do you want it?" Santiago purrs in your ear and you shiver. Why did that have to sound like such a loaded question. Do you want what? Him? The garter? His attention?

"W-what?"

"The garter."

You turn your head to look at him and reply when suddenly you're smacked in the face with something. You jump, startled by the sudden sensation, and look down at the table where the white garter is sitting on it.

Somewhere Benny is hollering wildly, and Frankie says something along the lines of how you're the lucky lady. You don't hear it really because Santiago grabs the garter and rubs it between his fingers, smiling at you playfully. His other hand is still on your leg, farther up and dangerously close to your underwear.

"I'd love to see you in this." He says, fingers flexing on your skin. "And nothing else."

"Santiago!" You whisper sharply and he leans in close.

His lips meet yours and your heart stops. The world stops. His hand leaves your thigh and slides around to your hip, the other cradles your head, angling your face for better access.

It's like years of tension have finally broken and now it's coming out like breach in a dam. You reach for him, not sure what to grab but you land on his hair and his shoulder. He deepens the kiss, tongue pushing past your lips to roll against yours. He tastes like minty gum and you can't get enough.

He grips your hips with both hands and hauls you over onto his lap. The chair creaks under the weight of two bodies. You can't care, this is a dream come true. You don't want to stop kissing him because if you do, it feels like it might never happen again.

"Baby," Santiago groans into your mouth as you roll your hips down against his lap, desperate for some release. "Baby we gotta stop."

"No," you lick into his mouth desperately and he chases your lips, biting gently to slow you down.

His hand finds your hair and grips firmly, pulling you back. "Listen to me."

You stare at him, eyes locked on to his. They're so full of promises of what's to come. He looks as wrecked as you do, you're sure. "Yes?"

He grins slowly, leaning in for a soft kiss. "God you're beautiful like this."

You try to return the kiss, chasing his lips as he pulls back but his grip in your hair is firm.

"We're still at the wedding." He says softly. "I don't think we should be grinding on each other in such a public setting."

You lean back, settling yourself back on his thighs. Reality comes creeping in, a cold rush of embarrassment rising up your spine. He's right. You're at the wedding still, everyone can see you right now. You got so caught up in the euphoria that you forgot where you were.

"Santiago, you son of a bitch." Benny says from behind you. "You finally did it."

You turn and look back while Santiago leans over to see Benny. "Go away."

"Oh I will, I'll leave you two to face suck like teenagers. I just wanted to say it's about time. How was it?"

"Benny." Santiago says warningly.

You look between the two of them. "How was the kiss?"

Benny nods.

"Good, really good? Why?"

Santiago groans.

"Do you know why we call him Pope?" Benny asks and you shake your head. "It's because he brings you closer to God when he gets his hands on you."

"Benny! Fuck off!" Santiago shouts and throws a fork on the table at him. Benny dodges the projectile and runs off laughing. "God damn menace."

You run your hand through his curls, brushing your thumb over a little spot of grays peeking through. "Is that true?"

"Is what true? The Pope thing?"

"Yeah. Is that why they call you Pope?"

Santiago smiles softly. "It is. It's stupid and childish but-"

"I like it." You slide off his lap and lean in close to his ear. "You took me closer to God with a kiss, I can only imagine what more will be like." You grab his hand and before he can respond you step back, pulling his arm up. "Dance with me?"

_____________________

You and Santiago dance for a long time, slow and sweet. After about the tenth song he kisses your temple and says he needs to take a seat, his knees are killing him. You part from him and he goes to sit with Will and Frankie who are near the bar. You turn and head to the bride and grooms table to sit with Tiia.

"Hey you," Tiia says with a playful smirk. "I thought you were gonna get eaten alive earlier."

"I'm sorry." You sink down into Frankie's chair and she laughs. "I just lost my mind for a few minutes there. Was everyone staring?"

"No, everyone got up to dance and get food from the buffett. I noticed, obviously, because I've been watching you all night."

"Creepy."

Tiia pushes your shoulder. "Oh shut up. I set you up, but I never could have guessed this outcome."

"You set me up?"

"Yeah? I picked Santiago to be your best man. I knew the two of you have had chemistry since you met. I just gave you a little nudge in the right direction." She looks smug as she takes a sip of her wine. "You're welcome."

"You're a troublemaker."

"Matchmaker, thank you."

You roll your eyes. "Maybe too good of a match maker. I sucked face while you had your first dance."

She laughs, nearly spitting out her wine. "I don't need everyone to watch me dance with my husband to validate our marriage. You're my best friend, the fact that you are just as happy on my wedding day as I am, that means the world to me. You deserve a good man, and Santiago is a very good man."

"You really aren't mad I didn't pay attention?"

"Nope, because I can guarantee you I'll be all over Frankie at your wedding."

"My wedding? Yeah we'll be in our sixties before that happens." You pick at a spot on the front of your dress, directing your focus elsewhere in hopes of ending this conversation. "No one wants to marry me."

Tiia kicks you. "Bullshit. If you asked Santiago right now to run away and get married at a little chapel in Vegas he'd say yes."

"No he wouldn't. He's not reckless."

"Yes, he is. When it comes to you there is nothing he wouldn't do."

"Whatever."

"Whatever," she says mockingly. "Do you have any idea what he has told Frankie?"

You narrow your eyes. "You're lying."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Once. A birthday present that I figured out."

Tiia rolls her eyes. "That doesn't count."

"Why would Frankie tell you about what he and Santiago discuss?"

"Because I'm nosey and I ask. Plus, you're my best friend and you two have obvious chemistry."

"So what did he say?"

Tiia points to Santiago as he makes his way across the room. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"Tiia!"

"What's my two favorite women chatting about huh?" Santiago smiles and hands you a glass.

You look down into the glass. You can't drink today, you're Benny's designated driver.

"It's non alcoholic, don't worry."

"Thank you."

"She doesn't need alcohol to get a little crazy." Tiia teases, elbowing you from her seat. "She has a better drug, right Pope?"

Santiago chuckles. "You're never going to let us live that moment down huh?"

"Never. I was surprised you didn't just take her to the bathroom."

"Tiia!" You shove her and she cackles. "God!"

"I'm teasing you. Seriously, if you guys wanna get out of here and have a little fun I'll get someone to take Benny home." Tiia looks across the way at the table where Benny is telling some animated story. "Or he can sleep on the couch at me and Frankie's house. We'll drop him off before we go to the hotel."

Santiago shakes his head. "I'm not stepping out on your wedding, and I'm sorry for the behavior earlier. It's not the right time or place."

"You two are a match. She said the same thing when she came over. I'm not mad, I'm happy you're happy." Tiia stands and walks around the table to stand before Santiago. She lays a hand on his cheek before giving it a hard pat. "Problema."

"Un poco."

"Oh no you're big trouble, not little trouble." She says and shoves his head back playfully. "Go, make my girl happy."

Santiago smiles and kisses her forehead. "You heard the lady." He offers his hand to you. "Can I take you home?"

"One more dance?"

"I think I can manage that."

You follow Santiago out onto the dancefloor, hand in his as he lays his other on your waist. A slow song comes on, one you've heard a few times on the radio but never paid much attention to.

"I'm sorry about earlier." He says softly out of nowhere.

"I'm just as much to blame."

"I just got a little ahead of myself, like Benny said, I felt like a horny teenager."

You giggle and lean your head on his shoulder. "It's been a while, and we built this tension to a boiling point. We were bound to snap someday."

Santiago runs his hand up your back and cradles your neck loosely. "Have I told you how beautiful you are tonight?"

"Yes, but I don't mind hearing it again."

He drops his head to your ear and places a little kiss on the outer shell. "You'd look even more beautiful in my bedroom."

A hot flush warms your cheeks. "Santi...cool it."

"I can't help it." He grins and you hear rather than see it. "I just want to eat you up."

"We can stay a bit longer." You kiss his throat and he lets out a quiet groan that you relish in, grinning big ear to ear against his skin. "It'll do you good to wait. You'll want it more."

_____________________

The sound of a cell phone ringing rips you from a deep sleep. It's unfamiliar, not your ringtone but shrill and annoying nonetheless. The room is bright, the sun shining through the cream colored blinds and past the sheer curtains. Everything is familiar but like you had seen it in a dream, nothing was quite the same as you remember. You sit up and look around. Yes. It's the same as last night, the lighting makes things look different is all.

"Make it stop," Santiago groans from beside you.

"I don't know where it is." You pat around the blankets, trying to find the source of noise. "It's your phone."

"Fuck." He sits up and you get a full view of his strong, bare back in the bright daylight. There are a few scars, but one big one just behind his shoulder gets your attention. It looks strange, like a paint splatter of pink skin against his tan complexion.

You reach out to touch the scar, trace it curiously. What on Earth made a scar like that. "Santi?"

"Just a minute baby." He leans over and your hand falls to the bed. He comes back up with the phone in hand and swipes the screen to deny the call.

You lay back and he crawls under the covers beside you.

"Now, good morning." He grins, touching your nose and you sniffle. "I hope you're not too sore."

"Me?" You giggle, rolling to face him head on. "I'd be more worried about you."

Santiago chuckles. "Because of my knees?"

"Yeah and your back." You slide your hand over his shoulder and explore the scar with your fingertips. "What's this one from?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Mmhmm."

"A bullet." He takes your hand away and threads his fingers between yours. "A sniper when I was twenty seven. We were on a mission somewhere in the Ukraine. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and boom." He chuckles softly. "It went straight through. I suppose I'm lucky, they were clearly aiming for something more vital and missed."

You play with his fingers and he watches. What do you say? Sorry? Wow? You know Santiago and the guys are ex military special forces. You know they all have their scars and close call stories. You've heard the others tell them over and over but Santiago...he has always been quiet.

"It's a lot to take in." He murmurs, bringing your knuckles up to kiss.

You laugh softly, more to yourself than anything. "I broke my leg falling out of a tree once."

Santiago chuckles. "Bet that hurt." He kisses your knuckles again and lets his lips linger. "It's okay if you're not sure how to respond."

"Thank you," you mutter sheepishly.

His phone starts ringing again and he sighs. He rolls over and grabs it, bringing it back to lay between the two of you. "It's Frankie."

"Answer it."

"Should I? You don't mind?"

You shake your head. "He might need you."

Santiago swipes to answer and presses the phone to his ear. "Buenos dias pendejo."

You smile and he gives you a cheeky grin. That's a little bit of Spanish you do know. "Be nice."

He mouths a quick, 'No' before speaking again. "Why are you calling me after your wedding night? Shouldn't you and Tiia be sleeping? I didn't give you that money to wake me up at the crack of dawn when you're meant to be boarding a plane to Hawaii for your honeymoon in a few hours."

"Hawaii sounds good." You snuggle down into the blankets, imagining the warm sun on your body.

"Yes she's fine." Santiago chuckles softly. "Did you want to talk to her?"

You raise your eyebrows and he gives you a wink.

"Here you go." He passes you the phone and you press it to your ear.

"Hello?"

"Did that dick make you stupid?" Tiia asks through a laugh.

"Shut up!" You laugh, rolling over onto your back. Santiago's arm snakes across your waist and he pulls you close, face in your shoulder. "I'll hang up on you."

"Really though, did you guys have a good night? I just wanted Frankie to call and make sure you got home okay."

"Yes, we got home okay. It was a good night."

Santiago hums against your skin, biting playfully at your jaw. "It could be a better morning."

"Which one of you said I love you first?"

"Tiia."

"I know it happened."

"Goodbye Tiia, I'm hanging up now."

"Oh you-"

You toss the phone into the pillows and close your eyes. Santiago lazily kisses your neck, his short beard giving you a bit of a burn on your shoulder.

"It was me." He whispers between kisses.

"Hmm?"

"I said it first."

"You could hear her?" You shift around and lay so you're face to face agan.

He nods. “Do you remember?"

"Mmm. You said I love you, mallma?"

He presses a kiss to your lips. "It's mi alma. Do you want to know what that means?"

"Yes."

"It means, my soul." He runs a hand through your hair and brings you close for another kiss. "It's a pet name for someone you really care deeply for."

You grip his back and press your forehead to his. You give a sheepish smile. "How do you say I love you again?"

"Te amo."

"Te amo, Santiago."

He grins and chuckles softly. "We'll work on the accent."

"Good thing I have the best teacher."

"Yes you do."

"Until then," You tuck your face into his neck and he threads a hand in your hair. "I love you."

"I love you too."

End

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Header by delicate-venus 

Dedication: To delicate-venus, because you let me write your dream wedding for you with your dream man as inspiration for this fic. 

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*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted works.*****

[city-witch-magix]

Beltane

May 1st, many festivities begin the evening before the last night of April 

It’s a time when the Earth mother opens up to the fertility god, their unions bring healthy livestock, strong crops, and new life all around and the magic in the season reflects this. 

History: The Celtic people would honor the fertility of the gods with gifts and offerings, including animal or human sacrifice and in Ireland the fires of Tara were lit first and all other fires were lit off of that one. The Romans said “go big or go home” and celebrated everything extravagantly, for Beltane they spent the first day of May paying tribute to their Lares or gods of their households, and have a festival of flowers called Floralia that consisted of three days of sexual activity. The Romans also had a fire festival called Bona Dea where sacrificed a sow for the fertility Goddess. In May Greeks celebrated Plynteria for Athena, only the women would clean her statue, feast, and pray. This celebration would last 3 days and starts on the 25th after the homage paid to moon-god Artemis on the 24th. The Norse celebrate Eyvind Kelda or Eyvind Kelve on May 6th for Eyvind Kelda who was a martyr who was tortured and drowned by the King  for not giving up his Pagan beliefs and a week later they celebrate the Festival of the Midnight Sun that launches a 10 day celebration as tribute to the Norse sun goddess. 

Folklore/Legends: *The Green Man and Cernunnos also turn up around this time and is usually found in lore around the British Isles, the green man is a masculine face that is covered in leaves and shrubbery *The Maypole is a symbol of fertility *In some traditions this day is when the May Queen and Queen of Winter battle each other *Some believe this is a time for the faeries *Beltane is a wonderful time for magical workings surrounding any type of prosperity

Decorate your altar with greens, bright spring colors, fertility, male fertility symbols include antlers, sticks, acorns, and seeds and female fertility symbols include cauldrons or cups. A floral crown or a potted plant. 

Symbols include swords, arrows lances, honey, oats, and milk are also some symbols. 

Am Beannachadh Bealtain- Bless, O threefold true and bountiful, Myself, my spouse, my children. Bless everything within my dwelling and in my possession, Bless the kine and crops, the flocks and corn, From Samhain Eve to Beltane Eve, With goodly progress and gentle blessing, From sea to sea, and every river mouth, From wave to wave, and base of waterfall. Be the Maiden, Mother, and Crone, Taking possession of all to me belonging. Be the Horned God, the Wild Spirit of the Forest, Protecting me in truth and honor. Satisfy my soul and shield my loved ones, Blessing every thing and every one, All my land and my surroundings. Great gods who create and bring life to all, I ask for your blessings on this day of fire.

Prayer to Cernunnos- God of the green, Lord of the forest, I offer you my sacrifice. I ask you for your blessing. You are the man in the trees, the green man of the woods, who brings life to the dawning spring. You are the deer in rut, mighty Horned One, who roams the autumn woods, the hunter circling round the oak, the antlers of the wild stag, and the lifeblood that spills upon the ground each season. God of the green, Lord of the forest, I offer you my sacrifice. I ask you for your blessing.

Prayer to the Earth Mother- Great earth mother! We give you praise today and ask for your blessing upon us. As seeds spring forth and grass grows green and winds blow gently and the rivers flow and the sun shines down upon our land, we offer thanks to you for your blessings and your gifts of life each spring. 

Prayer to Honor the May Queen- The leaves are budding across the land on the ash and oak and hawthorn trees. Magic rises around us in the forest and the hedges are filled with laughter and love. Dear lady, we offer you a gift, a gathering of flowers picked by our hands, woven into the circle of endless life. The bright colors of nature herself blend together to honor you, Queen of spring, as we give you honor this day. Spring is here and the land is fertile, ready to offer up gifts in your name. we pay you tribute, our lady, daughter of the Fae, and ask your blessing this Beltane.

Protect Flocks and Herds- We light the fires of Beltane, sending smoke up to the sky. The flames purify and protect, marking the turn of the Wheel of the Year. Keep our animals safe and strong. Keep our land safe and strong. Keep those who would protect them Safe and strong. May the light and heat of this fire bestow life upon the herd 

To the Gods of the Forest- Spring has come to the earth. the land is fertile and ready at Beltane, seeds will be sown, and new life will begin once more. Hail, great gods of the land! Hail, gods of resurrected life! Hail, Cernunnos, Osiris, Herne, and Bacchus! Let the soil open up and mother earth's fertile womb receive the seeds of life as we welcome the spring.

Some recipes: https://www.learnreligions.com/recipes-for-the-beltane-sabbat-4126076 (Green Man Cake, Asparagus and Goat Cheese Quiche, Southern Style peppery Green Beans, Easy Summer Salad, Candied Flower Petals, Fertility Bread, Beltane Bannocks)

Source: https://www.learnreligions.com/beltane-4159809