#anxiety of not daring to go up to people and just got a bunch of

[neos127]

sim jaeyun x fem!reader | you’re the spider-man…?

genre. spider-man!jake, fluff + established relationship cw. none! notes. my entry for my own event! decided to reimagine that scene between ned and peter from spider-man homecoming!

you and jake had spent hours building a lego empire state building. it was jake’s gift to you, knowing how much you enjoyed legos. he had saved up his allowance, keeping it a secret until your birthday came around. you felt bad at first, knowing how much the set was. but jake was sweet as ever and assured you that he didn’t mind. he had been saving up for your gift specifically.

he couldn’t help you finish building it, explaining how he had to attend his internship after school. you were a bit disappointed at first but then decided to go to his apartment with the finished product and wait for him to return. his aunt loved you, allowing you to wait in his room only after she invited you to stay for dinner.

you sat on jake’s bed, the large lego structure sitting in your lap when his window suddenly opened. you tensed up, your blood running cold as someone climbed in and softly closed the window. the first thing you noticed was how their feet didn’t touch the ground, the person was crawling along jake’s ceiling.

and the second thing— the person was spider-man. fucking spider-man was crawling along your boyfriend’s ceiling and you weren’t sure how to react.

spider-man didn’t seem to notice your sitting figure on the bed as he softly closed his bedroom door, shutting his room away from the prying eyes of his aunt. once spider-man thought the coast was clear, he hung down from the ceiling before slipping his mask off.

as soon as he turned around, you gasped— the lego structure tumbling to the ground when you stood up. you didn’t even bat an eye, too busy trying to process the fact that you had been lied to for months.

“are you okay?” jake’s aunt asked from outside the door.

“um-yeah! i’m fine, just tripped.” you replied, your heart beating extremely fast as you waited for her to walk off. as soon as the sound of her footsteps got lighter, you finally felt as if you could breathe.

“jake…jake— oh my gosh.” you could barley talk, tripping over your own words as you began to pace back and forth in his room. jake looked just as panicked as you did, his chest rising up and down rapidly and his eyes wide.

“i’m uh, i’m not spider-man.” jake made up some lame excuse. he began to quickly take off his suit, as if he were trying to hide it despite you witnessing him in all his glory already.

“you were on the ceiling!” you practically yelled, disbelief in your tone.

“no i wasn…what are you doing in my room?” jake growled, feeling a bit overwhelmed now that his girlfriend knew his secret identity.

“don’t you dare try to gaslight me right now, jaeyun. what the fuck is your problem? how dare you keep this from me?” you hissed, lightly shoving his bare chest when he tried to get closer to you.

“y/n— i’m really sorry.” he sighed, quickly pulling on an oversized sweater he had lying on the floor. you let out a low whine before sitting back on his bed, once again ignoring the mess of legos on the small rug.

jake sat down next to you, keeping a reasonable distance since he could see how upset you were at him.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you asked after about a minute, finally turning to look at jake. the boy sighed, running a hand through his hair as he carefully thought of what to say.

“i just…i was scared, alright? one day i was bitten by a spider and then the next i was handed these crazy powers that i didn’t know how to handle. and when i became spider-man, it just brought along a whole bunch of people who wanted to hurt me and anyone close to me. if they tried to use you to get to me, i’d never forgive myself. i wanted to keep you safe because i love you, even if i seemed like a shitty boyfriend.” jake explained, looking away from your intense gaze. despite the initial anxiety he felt, explaining his thought process to you felt as if a wet blanket had been lifted off his shoulders.

“jake, i just wish you would’ve talked to me. i get that you wanted to keep me safe, but i hate the fact that you had to go through this alone.” you replied, a small frown on your face.

“i know. im so sorry, y/n. i wanted you to know, there were times where i almost did tell you. i hope you’re not too mad at me.” jake said, his head hanging low as he waited for a response. you let out a deep sigh before moving closer to jake and pulling his body into yours. the boy immediately melted into your touch.

“i’m not mad at you. i was only disappointed but i understand now. i love you, jake, and this doesn’t change anything. it will take me a while to process the fact that my boyfriend is a legit superhero but…i guess it’s kind of cool.” you explained, moving your hand up to jake’s hair to play with it. the boy sighed against your chest, a small smile breaking out onto his face.

“thanks for understanding, y/n. i love you a lot.” jake lifted his head from your body, looking you in the eyes. his face, expressive as ever, showed sincerity. he was grateful to have you and even though you knowing his secret made him a bit nervous, jake felt relieved that a big part of his life didn’t have to be so hidden anymore.

“i love you too— and please remember how much you love me before you see the mess on the floor.” you replied quickly, your words coming out rushed. jake’s head whipped towards the carpet, a gasp leaving his mouth as he observed the small pieces all over his carpet.

“y/n! what did you do?”

taglist; @boyfhee @junityy @aenify @iilwji @catzisb1og @greentulip @starantulas @jakesangel @heeblurs

— i love writing spider-man!jake !!

[enderpearlll]

Yandere!Bob Velseb - My Favourite Employee. PT 2.

Um. So this is way longer than I expected so there’ll probably be a part three and four. Sorry not sorry. Can you also tell I don’t edit my work?

Gender-Neutral reader, but pet names such as darling, sweetie, sweetheart, and sweet pea are used.

TW/CW: Yandere content, stalking, descriptions of paranoia and anxiety, brief panic attacks, etc.

• That evening Bob walked you home, you felt sick to your stomach. The smell of Bobs cologne was soothing and stuck to your clothes even after you took off his jacket, but that didn't fully rid of the anxiety building in your stomach.

• Maybe it was the build up of stress…. Yeah, that was it. You decided to give up your shifts for the next three days, thinking that a break from work would be refreshing. But that night when you were getting ready for bed, you felt like you were being watched. Like someone was there with you... It definitely didn't help with the paranoia.

• It was a restless night, spent tossing and turning in hopes that no one was actually watching you and that it was all in your head. Luckily your coworkers were understanding, but when you called in the next morning Bob was distraught. He called you nonstop until you answered.

“What happened? Are you sick or somethin’ sweet pea?!” “Yeah, I asked someone else to take my shifts for a few days, hope you can understand…” “… Of course I do darlin’! Just take it easy, okay?” “Alright, thank you so much Bob!”

• You felt relieved that Bob understood your dilemma, and soon enough you calmed down and spent the whole day trying to relax. After a few hours of bliss, you felt that horrible feeling crawl down your neck again. You walked into the kitchen to grab a snack when you felt eyes on your back. With a shaky sigh, you scavenged through the kitchen for a snack to distract yourself. Turns out that it didn’t help and your kitchen was barren.

• You decided to get some fresh air to calm down, going for a walk to the grocery store. But even on the way there you felt like someone was following you. It didn’t help that you actually heard footsteps and eerie snapping. Like a camera shutter going off… So you practically ran the entire way. When you got to the store you felt soothed in the public eye. At least there was other people around so creeps wouldn’t dare to pull anything in a public place.

• But that only made you think harder. Should you call the police? Eventually you decided against it, seeing as it was only a gut feeling that you were going off of. And you didn’t want to know if someone was actually watching you, not at all. You’d rather live in blissful ignorance.

• You were at the snack isle, shoving a bunch of junk food into your basket. You were debating on whether or not you should buy actual food when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You nearly jumped out of your skin and quickly turned around to face the culprit. It was Bob! (Wait, wasn’t the restaurant still open—) He laughed at your jumpy attitude and pat your back, wiping a tear from his eye. “Woah there, sweetheart!” “Hah, sorry. I wasn’t expecting to see you here, Bob.”

• Bob chides you for your horrible food choices, poking fun at you. You felt safer with him around, walking around the grocery store as you both talked about life. You didn’t ask him why he was off work so early, deciding to focus on the task at hand. Eventually you leave with a cart full of groceries, to which Bob was happy to help you take home.

• You let him walk you home again, feeling much more comfortable walking back with him. You felt bad for making him carry almost all of the bags though, but Bob was persistent on carrying all of them. Of course you didn’t let him do it all by himself so he made you take the lightest bags. When you got home, Bob let himself in and helped you put everything away.

• You felt weirded out seeing your boss look so domestic, his cheeks a bright red as he hummed a tune while asking you where the cereal went. When all was said and done, Bob asked if you wanted something to eat. You politely declined and said that you could just order out, but Bob was appalled at the idea.

“What?! No way, I can’t have my darlin’ eating junk when you’re feeling sick! Don’t worry ‘bout nothin’, I won’t poison ya!” “… You make me burgers for lunch everyday.” “Well, that’s my cookin’! I don’t wanna have you eat something that I didn’t cook for ya myself.”

• Inevitably, you caved into his offer and you both began to make some chicken noodle soup. When you put on an apron, Bob began to drool and blush red hot. You blamed it on the heat in your house, chopping vegetables. Bob was doing most of the cooking, you measured out the ingredients since he wanted you to take it easy. (Even though it was your own kitchen—) “My lovely chef! Where would I be without ya?”

• You loved Bob’s cooking, so when it was time to eat you were impatient. And wow, was it worth all of the effort! You felt all warm and cozy sipping at the hot broth, giving compliments to the chef. Bob was flustered at your praise, cleaning up the kitchen as you ate to your hearts desire. “Aw, thanks darlin’. I’m happy to cook for ya any time!” “Wait, aren’t you going to eat too?” “O—Oh! Um, I’m not the biggest fan of chicken myself, heh.”

• Bob left after tidying up, wishing you a farewell as he trekked back into the cold. It was a chilly night, so before he left you gave him some gloves and his jacket. Bob was literally shaking at the notion, uttering a strangled thank you as you slid the gloves onto his fingers. (Mind you, he was a big guy so he didn’t exactly fit them.) Now that you were alone again, you didn’t feel as paranoid again. Having Bob around was a nice distraction.

• You settled down with a movie and some popcorn, calling your coworker to check up on them. Other than Bob, you grew rather close to them. “Hey!” “Oh, what’s up? How you feeling?” “I’m feeling way better now, I bumped into boss at the store today. He even cooked for me, ha.” “Oh, that’s where he was! Boss closed the restaurant early today after getting off the phone with someone, he was frantic. In the middle of lunch rush too!” “… What?” “Oh yeah, he even called in sick for the next few days too.”

• Guilt seeped into your skin, a familiar feeling of dread sinking in as you dropped your phone. Bob closed the restaurant for YOU?! “—Bro? Hello? Dude, you okay?” Your coworker asked, worried sick. You picked up the phone with shaking hands, curling into a tight ball. “I… Uh, I gotta go. I’ll call you later.” “What—? *beep*”

• You pinched the bridge of your nose, your heart pounding out of your chest. It was probably a coincidence, you were definitely just imagining things. Bob would never close the restaurant unless it was an absolute emergency, so why would he..? You shook your head and turned off the TV, ready to head to bed before you kept yourself awake with your thoughts.

• As you hauled yourself into your room, you didn’t notice the splotches of steam left on your window, left behind from someone’s erratic breathing. As you brushed your teeth, you didn’t notice the sound of your window sliding open. Nor did you hear the sound of a camera shutter as you washed your face, trying to shake off the feeling of something watching you.

• Turns out he got too desperate, seeing as you walked out and were greeted with the silhouette of the devil-horned man. You screamed at the top of your lungs, watching as his impossibly wide grin drooped down. His chest heaved up and down as he wiped away his drool, heart beating out of his chest. You ran into your washroom and slammed the door behind you, rocking back and forth as you dialled the police station.

• This couldn’t be happening, no way. When someone picked up on the other end, you let tears of relief fall down your face. “Hello, police station—?” “T—There’s someone in my house, I think they broke in!” You sobbed into the speaker, cupping the phone close to your face. You quickly told them your address, desperately gasping for air. It was a few minutes before sirens blared through the streets, waking everyone up at 12 in the morning.

• You heard the door slam open, the sound of someone walking in echoed throughout the house. You waited until they reached your bedroom before clambering out of the washroom, running into a brown-haired officer. “Woah there, are you alright?” You could barely form a proper sentence, on the verge of a panic attack. Another officer came in the room, concern laced on his features. “There’s no one here, John. I think they ran.”

• You fell onto your knees, shaking and trembling on the cold floor. “I swear, someone was here! Please, you’ve got to believe me—! He was wearing a devil costume—“ The older officer named John kneeled down to your level, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry, we believe you. Jack, let’s do one last search.” And they left you in the living room with a blanket they found, searching the house one last time.

• “There was no one to be found, but your bedroom window was wide open.” Jack said, watching as John inspected the lock on your door. John sighed and scratched his chin before checking the time. “Keep all of your doors and windows locked, we’ll keep an eye out. Call us if you have any more trouble.” He left you with those words of advice before him and Jack made their leave. None of what they said helped you at all, only serving to make you even more paranoid.

• You grabbed your phone from your pocket, checking the time. It was two in the morning, the cops had spent two hours searching your house for the intruder. You sighed and went to your contacts before clicking on the one that said “Boss.”. You bit your lips as you waited for the phone to ring, tears welling in your eyes. “…Hello? Sweet pea, what’s wrong? You okay?” “B—Bob, can you come over? Someone tried to break in a—and—!” You broke down sobbing, hearing frantic crashing and shuffling on the other side of the phone.

“Sit tight, I’m on my way sweetheart.”

(End of part two. Gotta love cliffhangers.)

[icycoldninja]

I have like this idea so here me out: DMC 4 Dante x Fem reader where due to the fact that her family does not like Dante she left/ ran away to be with them but after there maraige she became pregnant but then she needed (was forced) to go to a family event (she has not seen them in years) and unleashes the fact she is pregnant with the grand daughter of Sparda (by mistake and Dante is not there)

Oh yes!! Here ya go and enjoy 💜

Badass baby (DMC4!Dante X Fem!Pregnant!Reader)

A few years ago, you attempted to introduce your boyfriend, Dante, to your parents. Their reactions were very dramatic, to say the least. For some unexplainable reason, your folks hated Dante the moment they laid eyes on him. They were glaring and staring him down all throughout dinner, and the second he left, they pulled you aside and told you he was trouble, and that staying with him was folly. Naturally, you disregarded everything they said and continued to date him, secretly.

Then one day, somehow, probably by spying on you, your parents discovered you were still with that "loser" and attempted to force you to cut contact with him. Your response? To run away with said "loser" and get married at 2 A.M. at Devil May Cry with Lady as your witness and Morrison as best man. The next few years that followed had to have been the best years of your life. Both of you were happy, truly happy, as you were glad to be spending so much quality time with the loves of your lives, with absolutely no one to get in your way.

Your joy only grew into elation the day you discovered you were pregnant with Dante's child.

"The grandkid of Sparda!" Dante had shouted, lifting you into the air and spinning you around. "And more importantly, my baby!"

It was clear the two of you were ecstatic over the discovery of your pregnancy; more than eager to become parents. You debated whether or not you should tell your family the news, just to screw with them, but Dante advised against it, saying that "those pains in the ass don't deserve to know", and that it'd be better to raise your child without their interference. You agreed, and all was well, until Dante left for a mission and your parents showed up on your doorstep all on the same day.

Without Dante around to guide you, you didn't know how to respond to them, and were easily pressured into going with their demands. They wanted you to attend some stupid family event at a relatives house for reasons you didn't care enough to remember. Since you were a complete, fumbling doormat without Dante as your backbone, you gave in and let them drag you off to their dumb gathering, though you were tense and afraid the entire time.

When you got there, you were overwhelmed with a whole bunch of distant, unimportant relatives whose names you never cared enough to remember. The swarm of people, as well as your domineering parents, urged you to socialize some more; to mingle and get to know everyone there. You refused, attempting to withdraw to another room or perhaps hide in the corner, but your eagle-eyed parents sought you out and forced you to talk with the others. You were understandably terrified out of your mind, as well as filled with a sense of loathing for those who brought you here, making small talk a very difficult thing to do. Your quivering nerves, pressured mental state, and general anxiety caused you to spill too much tea when your mother, in an attempt to keep the conversation going, asked how your personal life was going.

"Doing fine, I guess. I just found out I'm pregnant." You blurted out, without thinking. You'd only just realized what you had revealed when your parents exploded into thunderous rage. The sky and ground appeared to tremble under their fury; the wind outside picked up and the clouds deserted for fear of their anger. You were quickly reduced to a trembling, teary-eyed wimp within seconds of their outburst.

"WHAT?!" They screeched, in unison. "THAT DEMON-SPAWNED MANWHORE GOT YOU PREGNANT?! HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?!" You honestly didn't have words. What were you supposed to say anyway? They already despised Dante and you, for running away with him. Nothing you could do or say would change their minds, making you question for the first time why they'd even brought you to this gathering in the first place.

As you turned to the other people in the room, your parents' true intentions came to light. Nearly everyone within a 20-foot radius of you was filming everything with their phones, wide grins on their faces. It seemed you were brought here to be humiliated, one way or another.

Tears of shame and anger now streaming down your face, you stood, turn, and ran, not stopping until that insignificant relative's insignificant house was out of sight.

Dante came home a few hours later and found you crying in your bedroom, wrapped tightly in a blanket.

"Aw, baby," He sighed, slowly shuffling closer to you. "What happened?"

"Nothing," You lied, failing miserably at it.

"Don't think you can trick me, sweetie," Dante chuckled, lifting you into his lap. "Now what's wrong? Pent up stress ain't good for the baby."

"I...well...my parents showed up while you were gone--I don't know how they found our address. They kinda scared me with their sudden appearance and without you...I'm like a mouse. I caved. I couldn't help it."

"What'd they make you do?"

"Go with them to this dumb family gathering in the middle of nowhere. Everything was so sudden and I was so nervous...I kinda revealed my pregnancy without thinking."

"Aw, baby," Dante sniggered, kissing your cheek. "Why are you crying about that?"

"Cause afterwards my parents started screaming at me and everyone was filming, and I bet they're gonna post it online and--" You were cut off by Dante, who forcefully shut you up with a firm kiss to the lips.

"Shh, don't worry about any of that. So what if they know? So what if they post it? You're gonna give birth to the most badass baby in the world and they got the honor of being the first to know."

That was true. Dante's words, combined with continuous kisses, served to cheer you up almost immediately, and even when you saw the video of you shaking while being shouted at swimming around on YouTube, you didn't care. Your mood wasn't affected, because you knew Dante was right; those people should have been honored to be among the first to hear you were pregnant with a soon-to-be badass baby.

[shitouttabuck]

Hi! Hope you don’t mind my dropping in. I just read let the world have its way with you and thank you I had to sniff back tears on the plane it was so lovely 🥺😍. Question, and if you’ve answered this before I’m so sorry but I just have to know: how did Buck react when inevitably he sees the photos taken of him and Eddie at Halloween? Thank you again for this fic and I’m sending you all the good vibes of an unexpected humpback whale breech.

hello!!!! thank you so much for dropping in to say these lovely things!!! to answer your question: yes, a bunch of people have asked this actually, but no, i’ve never had a reply until now ! your message sparked something haha so here you go, have a little bucket list fic timestamp:

a thousand times (which isn’t half enough)

buck/eddie | 2k | t

“Oh, ow, what the fuck,” Buck says, wincing as he snatches back his hand.

Eddie glares at him, no hint of remorse while he crumples the dish towel he just whipped Buck’s fingers with before putting his hands on his hips in that perfectly bitchy way he’s got down to an art. “I’m supposed to be doing the cooking, I’m the one who’s actually made this before,” he tells Buck, stepping forward to stir the curry and jostling Buck out of the way. “You’re sous chef today.”

“And this is in no way an objection to that kitchen hierarchy, or a criticism of your cooking capabilities,” Buck says, hands up pacifyingly, “but Eddie. I’ve eaten this enough times at Ravi’s to know this is, uh, nowhere close to the colour it’s meant to be.”

“What do you mean,” Eddie frowns, stirring and peering down into the large saucepan, dent in the side courtesy of Buck’s clumsiness nearly half a decade ago. “It’s a—process. A culinary journey. I’m sure it’ll be the right colour when we’re done. It just needs some time.”

“Eddie, it’s green.”

“Plenty of curries are green. Thai green curry, it’s even got it in the name.”

“Eddie,” Buck says, trying not to laugh at the disgruntled furrow in Eddie’s brow, “I don’t think Ravi’s traditional beef curry is supposed to be green at any stage.”

Eddie’s face scrunches as he squints down at the curry he’s stirring, thick and aromatic and unexpectedly pea-soup coloured.

“Oh God,” he says, staring at the spoonful he’s ladled out. “You’re right. Fuck. How the fuck did it get to—this? Fuck, Bobby and Athena are gonna be here in—” He glances at the wall clock, “—an hour, oh my God, Buck, that’s not enough time to fix this.”

Buck rolls his eyes, hip-checking Eddie in a way he hopes is comforting but not bothering to try and ease any of Eddie’s—quite frankly ridiculous—anxiety about seeing Bobby socially for the first time since the engagement.

He knows the nervousness stems entirely from the fact that Eddie didn’t ask Bobby for his blessing before proposing to Buck, which he’s teased Eddie for endlessly, declaring it old-fashioned and archaic even if there’s something achingly sweet about the intentions with which Eddie went into it.

It did not end up prefacing their engagement. Apparently Eddie’d been testing the waters, gearing up to propose when he hoped the moment was right. Except, then, one night on the couch, watching telenovela reruns, Buck had made an offhand comment about the bride on-screen taking her husband’s last name despite being of the girlboss variety one might expect not to, and how in context it was a win for cheesy romance but maybe a hiccup for some kind of feminism somewhere.

And Eddie, one arm curled around Buck from behind, scratching at his stomach gently as he spoke, had sleepily and thoroughly unintentionally mumbled, “Would you wanna do that with me?”

Buck had blinked and asked what, and Eddie’d yawned and said, “Take my last name.”

Buck had laughed through the want and said, “Careful, Diaz, you might give a guy the idea that he’s being proposed to.”

And Eddie went stiff behind him for a full five seconds, Buck not daring to breathe either, before wrapping his other arm around Buck too, kiss to his temple and a quiet, “And if that was the idea intended?”

And so they’d gotten engaged and had to get the couch dry-cleaned and Eddie was made to pass on his well-meaning, antiquated desire to profess his intentions to Bobby prior to the actual proposal. Which is fine, obviously, but they’ve been engaged just going on three weeks and Bobby and Athena are coming around for dinner, and that, on top of committing himself to captaining an unfamiliar culinary adventure—something decidedly not in the Eddie Diaz wheelhouse—has Eddie strung the fuck out, mild and amusing as it may be.

“Okay, uh, I’m just gonna look at the original recipe again, not the one Ravi altered for white people,” Eddie says, looking around. “Can you get it? Phone’s charging in the bedroom, I think it should just be in the media roll of my chat with Ravi, he sent me a photo of his grandmother’s recipe book.”

“His grandma’s? What did you do to gain access to his family recipes? I feel like I should be jealous.”

“We exchanged abuela secret recipes,” Eddie shrugs. “You already have a direct open line of communication with my grandmother. I think you text her more than me.”

This is true; Isabel is a formidable opponent in online Scrabble and likes to get Buck’s thoughts on the weekly MasterChef episode. She’s his family as much as Eddie’s, and Buck was just teasing anyway, but he skips to their bedroom with a pleased grin nonetheless.

Eddie’s phone is nearly fully charged, so he just unplugs it, typing Ravi’s name into the message app search bar. A few clicks and then he’s snorting at the last image Ravi sent Eddie: a meme of Steve Buscemi saying how do you do, fellow kids? with a rainbow flag Photoshopped over the skateboard he’s carrying. Ravi’s succinctly captioned it, “you,” and Eddie has thumbs-downed it without deigning to respond.

Buck scrolls through the media roll quickly, scanning the images for something that resembles a recipe book or an old lady’s handwriting. It’s mostly memes, some goofy photos of each other taken on one of their phones during slow shifts, and—that’s a picture of Buck. Two pictures of Buck.

He pauses, frowning at the adjacent squares in the media roll. It’s not that it’s unexpected that Eddie and Ravi would have photos of Buck, it’s just—Buck’s usually seen them, too. He has most definitely not seen these pictures.

He clicks on the first one, feeling almost nervous. And, oh. It’s from Halloween the year before last, when everyone else was sick and he and Eddie went to that big gay party. He’s in his Sandy get-up, looking—pretty slutty, actually. He hums appreciatively, re-experiencing the leather pants and crop top and heels. In the photo, his eyes are shut, head tilted back to the music, cheeks pink and red-painted lips ajar. And then he takes in the other side of the photo.

Eddie, watching Buck through the crowd not unlike a lion zeroing in on a gazelle. His mouth is parted too, but—his eyes. It’s like he’s undressing Buck right there in public with just his gaze. Jesus, it’s like he’s doing so much more than undressing him—Buck half-expects the picture to swirl into motion, see Eddie stride across the dance floor and bend Buck over in front of everyone present.

It's not a wholly unfamiliar expression now, to Buck who’s had Eddie like this for over a year, but this was from before they were together. This was before Buck knew Eddie wanted him in any way but platonic. And even then, the kind of raw, unmasked desire plastered across Eddie’s face? Like he wants to swallow Buck whole and keep him there, inside Eddie, close as possible, for the rest of time? That’s the kind of intensity Eddie only reveals on occasion, a vulnerability that’s a certain effort to access.

That doesn’t mean Eddie holds back or censors himself in their sex lives, not anymore, not for a long time now. It’s just—this is the kind of want that comes from a place without adequate words to communicate it, a near animal desperation that’s taxing for the everyday.

And here it is, unmistakeable, before Buck even knew. Eddie, so good at the suppression and the repression in that era, unable to escape the honesty of his hunger with just one look.

Buck swallows and adjusts himself in his pants.

The second picture is—oh. It’s of him and Eddie dancing during the Grease song, when Eddie had held him close and dipped Buck like he’d been doing it all his life. It’s—oh. He can’t believe Eddie’s not shown him this one before, because—there’s so much love contained inside this photograph, he can feel it seeping out of the phone and into his hands, liquid sunshine.

Buck’s head is thrown back, face scrunched in delighted laughter, and Eddie’s so close, beaming at him with nothing short of adoration. It’s pouring out of him, clear as day, the happiness in this single photo a tangible thing even over a year later.

Buck kind of wants to urge the him in the picture to open his eyes, see the way Eddie’s looking at him. But then again, the way Eddie looked at him didn’t really change, before and after. So maybe he wouldn’t have clocked it as anything other than Eddie’s everyday love, so far from the romance column in his own tangled-up brain at the time it wouldn’t have mattered.

He wanders back to the kitchen, swiping back to the first photo. Heat licks its way up his spine, uncaring of the fact that they have dinner guests and no time for this. He slouches in the kitchen doorway, watching Eddie chop cilantro carefully.

“What?” Eddie frowns. “I’m in a crisis, Buck, don’t look at me like that, it’s not helpful.”

Buck clears his throat. “Like what?”

“Like you’re eyefucking me so hard I might undergo immaculate conception.”

Buck can’t focus on the nearly painfully arousing implications of that, but never let it be said his horniness surpasses—rightful—indignation. “Me?” he asks incredulously. “Eyefucking you? That’s fucking rich, considering the contents of these.” He waves Eddie’s phone at him for emphasis.

“What’s that,” Eddie asks impatiently. “Where’s my recipe?”

“Oh,” Buck says. “I didn’t actually get that far.”

Eddie makes a noise of irritation, washing his hands and reaching out for his phone. “What the hell have you been—oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Buck says. “How come you’ve never shown me these before?”

Eddie flushes, even more than the heat of the kitchen can take credit for. “I dunno. I guess I just look so… I dunno.”

“So in love with me?” Buck asks, mouth quirking up on one side. He steps forward, wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist.

Eddie sighs, listing forward in Buck’s grasp. “I mean—yeah. I guess I was just thrown by how obvious the, I don’t know, enormity of my—the way I felt about you was. And by the time I was okay with it—the enormity and the obviousness—I kinda forgot about these.”

Buck turns his head, pressing a kiss to Eddie’s hairline. Eddie lifts his face, searching for Buck’s mouth with his own, and Buck happily obliges, kissing him gently.

“Well, I’m sending these to myself,” Buck informs him, “and then we’re getting the second one framed and hung up in our room.”

“Is that the less horny one?” Eddie asks.

“They’re both plenty horny,” Buck says, “but yeah. Marginally less.”

“Fine,” Eddie allows. “But it will be subject to temporary removal if and when my parents come stay.”

“Deal,” Buck agrees, and then leans back in to kiss Eddie again.

He uses his grip on Eddie’s waist to steer them back, caging Eddie against the counter and lining his body flush along the length of Eddie’s, thigh to hip to chest. Eddie sighs contentedly, hand sneaking under the back of Buck’s shirt to splay across his bare skin. His jeans have a delicious heavy-weight friction to them, and Buck tries to angle himself so he can rock against Eddie lazily. He opens his own mouth under Eddie’s, trying valiantly to deepen the kiss, have Eddie lick into him hot and sweet, but Eddie pulls back.

“The curry,” he says mournfully. “Bobby and Athena.”

Buck groans, taking the edge off it by leaning in to kiss the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “You are so overthinking this Bobby thing. I’m not a woman in the early 1900s. Bobby’s technically not even my—”

“He is, though,” Eddie interrupts. “As far as it matters.”

“Okay,” Buck agrees, because that’s true. “But why are you so hung up on being old-school traditional here?”

Eddie huffs. “Sometimes tradition is good. It’s not like I’d have been asking permission to marry you, just. Wanting to have his—I don’t know.”

“Okay, well, I’m not some blushing bride.” Buck kisses the other corner of Eddie’s mouth, making it quirk up into a smile.

“Debatable,” he murmurs, and Buck pinches him at his waist. He squirms, grinning.

“We’re getting married,” Buck tells him, and Eddie lights up so incandescently Buck thinks even the Halloween photograph doesn’t know such happiness. “Bobby’s really happy for us. A curry’s not gonna change any of that.”

“I know,” Eddie says, sighs. “This is just the first time since—I just really wanted to show him I can be good for you, too.”

Buck gapes at him. “Are you—Eddie. Are you serious?”

Eddie shrugs one shoulder, looking embarrassed. Buck takes a step back so he can grab both Eddie’s hands in his own.

“I’m not even gonna—mention the bucket list,” he says, “but Eddie. Eddie. Why do you think Bobby made us partners in the first place?”

Eddie huffs a laugh, but it’s a real one. “I know, okay, but this just—we’re getting married, Buck.”

“And watch him take credit for it in his wedding speech,” Buck says.

Eddie smiles at him, but the underlying current of nerves is still thrumming, visible to Buck a step away.

“Okay,” he says, one final kiss to the centre of Eddie’s mouth. Eddie chases it when he pulls away, but he stands firm. “Let’s save this curry and the sanctity of our marriage to-be. Tomorrow, though, tomorrow, you’re putting on the greaser jeans and fucking me into the mattress.”

Eddie snorts, cheeks pink again. “Sounds like a plan.” He opens his phone, searching for the original recipe.

The ingredients are read aloud, and when Buck swings shut the fridge door as he confirms them, the faded yellow list pinned with a star-shaped magnet looks back at him, ready to have scribbled-out number 5 ticked off completely, wholly, permanently. Buck’s already there with start a family, but get married? He doesn’t think he could’ve imagined it being as good as this.

And if this piece of paper accompanies them to the courthouse, actual marriage certificate second in importance, that’s for him and Eddie to know, because the list doesn’t end, but God, does it feel good to live through it.

[sempsimps]

Gregory violet song scenarios

so this is a bunch of random scenarios and head canons i have of this emo boy and i even made a playlist for it becuse im so prepared for this also i do edit the lyrics a tad to fit the time its set in and vibe of the shorts so like if that bothers you sorry i guess (also i wanted to experiment with the tumbler coloured text i think it looks so cool) but this is mostly x reader so sorry if that's not what you want im just brain rotting at this point i cant do this lmao also i would like to say i unfortunately dont have the manga so i actually dont know whats going to happen sorry

starting with the honourable runner ups i think these songs fit but i couldn't think of what to write for them

Necromancing dancing - bear ghost (pun intended) "when im necromancing, everyone's dancing, no one can stop me i dare you to try! the dead are infused with sentential grove"

i don't wanna fall in love - she wants revenge

ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees "would anybody listen to this the ramblings of a lunatic"

everything is temporary - cavetown "sticks and stones they say that we dont have bones inside our brains"

mamas boy - Dominic fike "m-a-m-a-b-o-y mamas boy mamas boy"

im not a cynic - Alec Benjamin "i swear im not a cynic im just being realistic"

cats - the living tombstone "meow meow meow meow memeow"

they/them - atlas, jhfly

house of wolves - my chemical romance

plucked - destroy boys "take a bird from the sky and you wonder why she wants to fly"

nobody - mitski

underachiever - NOAHFINNCE "nothing beats the life of an underachiever"

the adults are talking - the strocks "dont go there you never return and i know you think of me when you think of her"

(lowkey heathers the musical JD looking ass)

WARNING ANGST IS HERE

your stupid face - Kaden macay (oh no + verse 2)

Gregory in third person pov - the realisation he liked you

he was zoning out at the swan gazebo and drawing some sketches with his charcoal pencil. The first bit of the facial anatomy was done, and he used French bread to remove the lines. to make the face he slowly did the eyes and made them defined and full of life, the nose features, and soon enough he had nearly finished carefully doing each strand of hair falling perfectly around the face he wasn't even thinking about who it was but when he stopped to finally look at it realised who it was. 'Oh no,' looking at it more, he tilts his head back, closing his eyes shut to not let the sun make him dizzy. 'noooo' now he was roughly pressing the charcoal to the paper. 'i just really like you face' drawing the smile you always wore around him. 'Ugh, you don't have to look so happy..' he kept drawing, now to try and get it just right. remembering all the times you expressed it. 'im not really into the love that you flaunt in some bright font' smirking to himself 'but if that's what you want ill make it snappy.- wait what' he looked around noticing no one was looking at him he sighed 'i just feel so out of place' he finished your face. 'but not when you near me' moving on to the shoulders. 'when your gone, I'm like a plant with no root' he made quick work of the shape and made the clothes 'or a ball that's on mute' he smiled looking at his work 'don't you dare call me cute, you should fear me' a hand on Gregory's shoulder makes him jump, it was bluewer telling him he needs to sort out a purple house conflict, and to bring cheslock to sort out a fight. sighing and carefully putting his sketch away, a small smile on his soft features. 'Now i like your stupid face'.

soundproof - destroy boys (verse 1 before chorus)

panic attack from social anxiety (if uncomfortable then skip it) - he got amongst the dancing and hated it

it was after the big cricket game that he had to be there for appearances, empty streets are just as soundproof as studios and big crowds. and there were people dancing already. It was making him dizzy, just looking. 'keep me away from here' but when he somehow ends up in the middle of the hall he starts to panic 'how'd i appear on this stage' he was amongst all the dancers getting in the way of some getting bumped into. 'im taking up too much space.' his head was spinning from all the movement, and he felt eyes on him. 'Look away, please don't look this way.' Feeling a hand on his arm leading him out of the hall, too dizzy and unfocused to see they walked outdoors, the fresh air bringing him back down to earth. not sure who it was, but he thanked whoever it was as he started to calm down, taking deep breaths. 'i don't ever want to hear myself ever again'

disco! in the panic room - bug hunter (chorus 2)

in your pov third person - dancing again i dont know im losing the plot as i write. sorry to the amab readers this one this feminine

i was in disguise at the school, as ceils older brother, as I saw him as one. and missed being in a dress. so after the cricket game was announced, and shown it was underway, i went behind the door to get into a dress. i was hiding one underneath my cloak, i let the dress fall from the purple robe it set nicely, and i just simply wrapped the fabric around my waist, like a bow. and headed out to find Gregory, he was still upset about the fire, and wanted to leave as fast as he could. and i understood, but i wanted to dance with him just a little. He was just out of view of everyone trying to leave, and i pulled him into a room with a bright smile. "hiya, would you like to dance in the panic room violet?" He simply smiled. "I made a promise so sure." he held my hands, and i started to slowly waltzes in a random backroom. away from the crowed and prying eyes and i could see that every few movement he was getting more and more pale, as we turned slightly in the dance "Now I feel nauseous, As if I drank a cup of stuff you clean your countertops with" i giggle a little as we stop. he lets go of my hands, to hold his head, he feels dizzy but i come prepared knowing about this, with some water in a canteen. "you probably did But Lysol won't solve this, so have some water." i handed his the medium sized flask, to which he hesitantly took a sip with shaky hands. "im out of options, arnt i?" he softly smiled after a few moments, and i was satisfied to get a little dance. making sure he was okay. but i felt bad. "you can head back now i understand this was a lot, sorry" he sighed "oh its okay and thank you, It's past my bedtime and I'm honestly exhausted" i smile as he hands back my water flask. "But if you want me, I'll be here." Gregory and i walked out of the room and said out good nights before he went wherever, and i returned to the ballroom to see Elizabeth and everyone.

fire on fire - sam smith (chorus 1 like half of it)

Gregory pov - looking at you from outside the purple house fire (and i realise that the song is more about love but i want the angst so deal with it)

i stood there, my eyes filled in fear, as the boarding house burned. i couldn't move, I don't say a word stuck in place, you grab my hand i should be used to it, But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know. just like the fire that i couldn't look away from, a soft hand leading my face away to look at you. There you go, saving me from out of the cold, but i couldn't do anything. but blankly stare at you. tired and scared features, eyes slowly morphing to cry. Fire on fire would normally kill us, and this was on the inside. i was breaking down as i saw how distraught everyone was. I couldn't keep it in much longer. but then the other prefects showed up, and i didn't have time for it, so i pulled my hood up to hold it in, letting go of your hand to do something.

Love me not - eimi (verse 3?)

the part that's always on TikTok but it is a good song- anyway this is at the dating stage and you try to get help from your friends idfk

Sitting on the grass, in front of the bench in the middle of a courtyard, talking with Ciel, soma, and your best friend, the latter two interested in how the relationship was going with Gregory. so far all you could describe it as was confusing, when they asked how. you stood up and started pacing in front of them finger to your chin like how a detective dose it but moving to act out and get you point across better. "Does he really love me? Does he think I'm too much." My pacing stops as i shook my head and returned to walk around. "Am I hanging by a string? Am I pushing my luck?" I looked at the two with confusion, hands out, doing some gesture. they were still intrigued, and i just wanted an answer. "He says I'm his beloved. He says I'm enough. but every time I kick and scream, he tells me to shush!" waving your arms up and down in frustration, and at this, the friends pay more attention. shock on soma's face, making an o shape. "He told you to what!" My best friend joining in, equally surprised. "he told you to, huh!" Ciel bored of our shit huffed out a sigh before speaking. "I think you shouldn't really worry. and you're blowing this up," and I hastily replied, almost yelling. "But I'm falling in love! Does he wanna break up!?" I gripped the hood of my purple house uniform, pulling it over my face, which was red in embarrassment, and I felt some paper in there. taking it off my head a small envelope fell out of my hood, it had a clear purple wax seal with the house cress. 'That wasn't there before'

absence - Rio Romeo chorus + verse 3

Gregory in third person this is angsty, and sad. description of dying

he was thinking about what was going to happen all the experiments, but he unwillingly took part in. he couldn't shake it a feeling of impending doom. he knew the things he did, and that didn't warrant him to be sorry for himself, but he couldn't eat or sleep, even drinking something seemed impossible. then his thoughts came back to his friends. He couldn't stop thinking about how they would react, to him dying. 'If i just vanished, do you think you'd manage' laying in his bed contemplating how you would miss him. 'Or would you disappear right besides me?' A tear came into his eye. As he continued to think of you, how would you react to what he's done, more and more tears came out, little by little. 'Do you think you're ready? When i went unsteady,' his tears ran down his checks, smearing the eyeliner. 'lover, please prepare for my absence.' he stifled his cries with the ball of his palm, keeping it in. lipstick smearing on his hand as he bit down harder, more tears rolling down, landing on his pillows staining them. 'absence makes the heart grow stronger', wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. 'pray my baby will not squander everything to gain by my leaving' taking his hands away from his face, to look at them they shook, as he starred at them blurry vision from crying, the bite mark on his right one blending red. 'and if i return the favour.' thinking to all the sweet parts you shared together. 'pray my baby always saviour, every moment we were both present' sitting up to hunch over head in his hands quietly sobbing, the walls were thick and he knew it but it hurt to cry louder.

oh boy that took some effort i was going to so many more but i just cant but i do kinda love what i did i think it matches his character well I hope it matches at least and again here is a link to my playlist i hope it works if not i have the same name on Spotify but non the less i hope my writing doesn't suck :) (feeling like the Q.A from welcome home "I want it out open open open" lmao MAYBE IM A LITTLE DELULU RN WHO KNOWS) ALSO ive never written angst before so i hope that was good idfk

https://spotify.link/tg5qbp9ZgJb

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Angst (8) Masterlist

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven

a night to remember (ao3) - grievingwarwidow

Summary: roxie, who prefers the label exotic performer over stripper, is a star amongst people who are out when the sun goes down. who better for a close-minded phil who has despised what he labels as lowlifes to suddenly obsess over than Roxie himself?

aka the one where phil gets pathetically hung up on dan, better known as roxie and is desperate to get to know him better.

Aftermath (ao3) - firephan311

Summary: What happened during that week in March when Dan abruptly stopped taking his antidepressants.

Angelfish (ao3) - PyroStormIsBae

Summary: musings on phil’s anxiety, self image issues, and new hair + how dan loves him through it all.

(TW) Catch You on the Flipside (ao3) - Amorist (dead_on_the_inside)

Summary: Dan is holding himself together by the seams after running away from a religious cult. He has to ask himself why he keeps going, but deep down, he knows the answer already. It's the same answer it was long before his parents packed up and moved him to a thinly-veiled conversion camp in America—Phil.

Or, my excuse to write self-indulgent angst, because sometimes we need that.

Chips (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan struggling with the concept that all healthy couples should fight.

Coffee by Chappell Roan (ao3) - danswideslit

Summary: someone on tumblr mentioned needing a dnp fic with the narrative from coffee and I felt inspired because I love that song a whole lot

Comfort in Chaos (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil wakes to Dan having a nightmare that he struggles to rouse him from. It later transpires that there is a reason behind his unsettled and panicked behaviour.

crushing grief (there is no remedy) (ao3) - shandril

Summary: When Phil comes to get the last of his things, Dan has one more chance to ask him to stay.

Deceit and Devotion (ao3) - Thatonefunhun

Summary: Phil Lester has it all. A successful career doing what he loves, a “bestie” who's always got his back, and a can-do attitude! He’s living the life! But what goes on beyond the camera? And is everything as it seems…

Falling for You (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Dan is at the front door waiting for Phil, eager to get outside so he can put his secret plan in motion when he hears a chilling thud of his partner colliding with the bathroom tiles.

First Love/Late Spring (ao3) - leewritesstuff

Summary: Dan and Phil are a ranch metaphor.

Dan and Phil are the moon and the ocean.

Dan and Phil are first loves.

Phil left in late spring.

frozen in time and space (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: It’s 3:30 in the morning and Dan hasn’t been able to stop looking.

I Hardly Feel Anything At All (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet

Summary: Dan in a depressive episode spends his night at Phil's apartment to "do laundry" while there he finds what home truly means, some existential stuff, Phil is kinda unaware of depression (so is Dan in this fic, de-nial is a river in egypt) but he still cares

I know you, hands under my sweatshirt (ao3) - midorijpg

Summary: “How are you?”

It's with an undertone of fear that he dares ask that, as always, even if he knows that he’s lucky if Dan even decides to answer. And as he imagines, Dan just tilts his head, looking at him as if lost in thought, swinging the bottle with his hand before just resting it on the floor.

“Make room,” he just says.

“What?”

“I said, make room.”

or, something something about having bad days and growing up and realizing you don't (completely) fit in couches anymore.

I try to picture me without you but I can't (ao3) - solarpower21

Summary: After Dan's tragic death, Phil starts having a bunch of strange dreams where he is still alive. But are they really just dreams?

Or: Phil's soul consciousness can't cope with Dan's death, so he starts hopping between different universes, trying to look for him.

I’ll be the light that you can’t make (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: There was suddenly a tightness in Phil’s chest, put there by guilt and fear, and he couldn’t find the words to respond. The gravity of Dan’s depression was creeping up on him, like a realization he didn’t want to admit.

Or; Dan is depressed and Phil cant help but feel that the sickness in his best friend is a mystery to them both. Hurt/comfort and angst

It's either bathmat green or agony (ao3) - sunshine_and_storm_clouds

Summary: It was day 34 of Dan being gone on tour, and Phil had only left the house to see his parents or the occasional friend. The breeze from the fan brushed his chilled skin, and he shivered.

----

Phil really, REALLY misses Dan when he's away.

Peach and Lime (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil doesn't do relationships. And then he meets Dan. He still doesn't do relationships, but he has a fun angst-filled night.

(TW) Perfect (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil is going to make TATINOF perfect-whatever it takes to get there.

Proxy Requests (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: A story about poop and fear (unrelated)

Stir Fry (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Dan never cooks unless he's feeling guilty. Phil waits.

The Anniversary (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: It is fifteen years to the day since Dan's suicide attempt, and Phil endeavours to make the day as normal as possible.

The Beeping Penthouse (ao3) - gaydreaming

Summary: Set during the events of How Phil Nearly Died. Dan does his best to take care of Phil after their traumatic day, despite being terrified himself. As is to be expected, things dissolve into softness and silliness rather quickly, until they're both able to feel okay again.

the inherent romance of washing the sheets (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Laundry is a bit meditative when you know how to do it, Dan reflects as he sprays stain solution on the sheets.

to love somebody the way i love you (ao3) - howell_slide

Summary: Dan and Phil return home from the hospital, and Dan’s Going Through It emotionally.

trade all my tomorrows (ao3) - SylvesterLester

Summary: It's 2014, and Dan Howell is screwing up in life. Fresh off of potentially ruining his just-started acting career with a heavily-memed public freakout, he's ready to hide away for the rest of his life. Until a stranger reaches out, who might not be such a stranger after all.

when i walk in the kitchen, my heart hits the floor (ao3) - aura_sky

Summary: a phivorce fic

based on the Renee Rapp song (In the Kitchen)

or

Dan walks into the kitchen and he misses Phil.

wikihow to stop a divorce (ao3) - ivorycastle

Summary: ❝(...) but then suddenly one day you make a life change, and the flames feel no different..❞

You're Perfect To Me (ao3) - ticklishraspberries

Summary: Dan is feeling insecure about his body, and Phil can’t have that.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

It can still be okay.

*puts down the feed* Oh boy.

I used to teach preschool and this is still how I modulate my speech when I'm trying to say something complicated. I'm not trying to be too overtly patronizing, I just want to get this across when I know you're dealing with a difficult transition and it's hard to listen. That happens for adults too. If you're paying attention, you'll notice how much!

To the sensible Democrats of Tumblr, if you could find it in your hearts to, perhaps, abandon the strategy of bludgeoning people who didn't want to vote Biden into viewing Harris as equally representative of the status quo and no different, that might be more helpful than the reactions I'm seeing.

I know you don't think Democrats in power are listening to the will of the voters anymore, and all we gotta do is keep voting for them anyway - you have spent so much time and energy explaining that. I understand that's a sincere belief based on your experiences, I see how you got there, and you're very invested in it - so I can't change it. If the idea of a dramatic change that might herald more dramatic changes is too upsetting, could you keep that to yourselves? You'll manage to vote blue, I'm sure of it. You were going to do that no matter what anyway. You're cool. We're cool. You're fine.

I would really like to hang on to the hope that we can reward a big, dramatic change with some big, dramatic votes, and leverage some more daring moves and big changes. Like, you know, maybe politicians DO still listen to voters, sometimes. Don't put any energy into raining on my tentative parade.

If you could, please, stop projecting your own anxieties onto people like me and realize our anxieties are very different, and saying things that would calm you down are going to scare the crap out of me. I don't want to scare the crap out of you, because then you won't listen. Probably you won't see this anyway. But I'm not you. Biden already had you.

Harris could have me if she doesn't utterly fuck it up, because I listen and make my own decisions. The idea that change is possible is a powerful motivator, but if she repudiates that with her own mouth, I won't be able to tell myself it's just to calm you down and play politics. My brain doesn't work like yours.

I can hear you too. When a whole bunch of you get together and chorus about how you're parsing this moment, it extinguishes the faint hope I must maintain to vote like I know you want me to.

The louder you scream, "EVERYTHING IS FINE" the harder it is for me to hear "change is possible when we admit it's not fine." Try to meet me where I'm standing or, you know, there's no shame in just talking to other people who feel like you do. But, ya know, you don't need to hear "vote vote vote" do ya? Does "leftists are the problem and they suck, we need to scream at them until they fall in line" benefit you any? How about: It can still be okay. Is that any better? We disagree on how, but we both still want it to be okay.

Okay. Thanks. You're a human being with a human life and you deserve to live and be happy. Keep trying to get there. Keep growing and changing as long as you live. You'll work something out.

[missvelvetsstuff]

Low Expectations

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Reader has low self esteem when she meets Bucky. Can he convince her that she's the one he wants?

Chapter 8

Warnings: swearing, little angst

Thursday afternoon finds Y/N at the salon getting her hair, make-up and nails done. She had a light lunch and popped an edible to help her nerves beforehand. Not only did she want to impress Bucky and make him proud to have her by his side, but she would also be around his friends and who knows how many rich and powerful people. She hoped he wouldn't leave her alone too much because her anxiety might kick in. She hoped she didn't run into any nasty politicians or that she could at least hold her tongue if she did. There were a few she would like to give a piece of her mind to.

When Bucky knocked on her door at 7:00 Y/N looked herself over in the mirror one last time and opened the door.

"Hey Buck" she said softly

Bucky whistled "Damn doll, you look like the beginning of my favorite wet dream. I'm not sure I want a bunch of men seeing you like this." He gave her a soft kiss and hummed "Mmmm, taste good too."

Y/N felt her face heat up "You look pretty delicious too, Sarge"

Bucky felt a twitch and tried to think about something else "Do you have a bag for the weekend?"

She pointed to an overnight bag on the couch and he grabbed it, then walked outside. She followed him and locked the door.

They held hands and chatted about nothing important on the drive over. When they arrived at Stark tower a valet took the car and Bucky led her to the entrance. There were a few photographers lining the sidewalk but just walked past them, smiling and completely oblivious. There was a bit of a wait to get through security and Y/N tried to calm her nerves and stop herself from acting like a tourist surrounded by a number of people she recognized. Politicians, actors, musicians and more. She knew she would have to keep her inner fangirl in check.

Bucky squeezed her hand and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek. "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll stay near you all night. Gotta make sure no one gets any ideas."

Once they entered the hall she gasped "Oh my gosh its beautiful. They really go all out for these things don't they."

Bucky nodded "Yeah, even with Tony gone Pepper knows how to throw a party but nothing in this room is as beautiful as you are.

Come on, lets go get something to drink"

Across the room neither of them noticed the senators aide that came on to Bucky. She saw them come in and was watching his every move and expression. Her name was Brittany and only had the job with the senator because of her family connections. She had started as an intern and had recently been promoted. She didn't need the money but believed one could never have too much.

Brittany was pissed that Sargeant Barnes had brushed her off, no one turned her down. Ever. So he would have to pay because she was determined to get in his pants regardless of what he wanted.

How dare he show up here with another woman on his arm. Brittany knew she was prettier and had more money and better connections than the amazon bitch he had with him. She came up with a plan and wandered the room, biding her time.

After they got drinks, Bucky took Y/N to say hi to Sam then introduced her to Torres and Rhodey.

While the 5 of them were chatting, Pepper came over to say hi. Y/N felt so underdressed and outclassed that she could barely stutter out a greeting. "Ms Potts, wait I I mmean Mrs Potts-Stark"

Pepper smiled gently and rubbed her arm in an attempt to soothe Y/N. "It's ok, you don't have to worry about all that. Just call me Pepper."

Y/N felt her face flush "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I've never been to anything like this before and it's a little overwhelming."

"I understand, I've been planning and attending these things for years and still get a bit overwhelmed sometimes butTony always loved a good party" she choked a little at the end.

Y/N forgot all about her own discomfort and took Peppers hand "I'm sorry if I brought up sad memories. I wish I had the chance to meet Tony he sounds like quite the character"

Pepper laughed and wiped the tears from her face "He was everything you've heard and more."

Y/N and Pepper chatted for a bit about Tony, about Morgan, Stark Industries, the GRC contracted company Y/N worked for. Y/N was surprised at how kind and down to earth Pepper was.

Of course Pepper asked how Y/N and Bucky met so Y/N told her some of the details of their young courtship. Love stories always made Pepper smile.

"Y/N, it was so nice meeting you. I could stay and chat all night but as the host I have to make the rounds. You too Sergeant Barnes, I know you don't love it like Sam does but you need to get out there and schmooze for donations and government grants"

Bucky sighed "Yes ma'am, I can't promise I'll talk to anyone for very long but I'm going."

He pulled Y/N around the room and stopped to talk to people he knew and those who called him over. It wasn't so terrible but he always felt like he was under a microscope. Having her by his side helped him feel a little more comfortable.

After Bucky introduced Y/N to Nick Fury and talk turned to business she excused herself to use the restroom. Bucky pointed out the way but with the lights and so many people she got turned around. At least until she ran into Sam and he helped her find it.

While she was touching up her make up, a short, beautiful woman with dark hair came in, looking her over like a piece of meat, which made Y/N very uncomfortable.

The woman smirked at her "So you're the mystery lady, huh? Why on earth would he pick you and ignore me? I mean look at you, such a plain Jane. Amazon tall and definitely more than a size 4. You're a loser and should stick with your own kind."

Y/N shook her head "I don't know what you're talking about and you need to learn some party/club ladies room etiquette. We are supposed to support and lift each other up not whatever you are trying to do."

Brittany gave her a malicious grin "What I'm going to do is make you understand that the sergeant isn't yours, I saw him first. He might be into you now but eventually he will realize that he's out of your league and he can do much better."

Y/N shook her head. "First, I've been seeing him for a couple of months and second, if Bucky wanted to be with you he would have asked you out or at least asked for your number instead of refusing all of your advances. Makes you look kind of pathetic chasing him and threatening me like this. Get over it, go out with someone else."

"I'm not backing down until I get to fuck him. There are creeps who will pay good money for candid, private pictures of people like Barnes." She poked Y/N in the chest "So you will back off or this is going to get ugly."

"How sad for you, that you can't see how ugly you are already acting. I don't have time for your hateful bullshit. I'm going back to my date."

Brittany grabbed her arm "You're not going anywhere"

Y/N twisted her arm out of Brittany's grip and pulled away from her. Brittany slapped her in the face, scratching her cheek with her ring, and Y/N saw red and punched her with everything she had.

Brittany fell over and started crying when she saw blood dripping onto her dress "You bitch, this is a $2000 dress and it's ruined"

Y/N smirked "I think you might have a broken nose there too. Maybe you shouldn't try to start fights when you're wearing expensive clothes. You could have just let it go, us Amazon's aren't to be trifled with." and stormed out of the restroom.

Once she got away and the adrenaline wore off she had Brittanys words running through her head, words that she had heard so many times. Amazon, loser, plain. Why would Bucky want someone like her? She found a door that went out to a large balcony with a number of planters full of plants and trees, decorated with fairy lights. Her heart and mind both calmed as she breathed in the night air.

After 15 minutes Bucky started to get worried that Y/N had gotten lost or overwhelmed by the crowd so he excused himself and headed towards the bathrooms to make sure she was ok. On his way there a familiar woman tried to catch his attention but he didn't notice until she grabbed his vibranium arm.

She dropped it like it burned her and reached for his right arm. "Hi Bucky, I didn't expect to see you here.

He looked at her confused "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Brittany sighed "Yes we met in DC. I'm Brittany, Senator Johnson's aide. We had talked about getting together."

Bucky suddenly remembered who she was "If my memory serves you talked about getting together and I told you I wasn't interested.

You should have your nose looked at."

She scoffed "Your date did that to me. Why would you go out with someone like that?"

Bucky tensed "What do you mean? What did you do to her?"

She smirked "we just had a little chat. I was trying to offer some dating advice and she just hit me. Out of nowhere."

Bucky glared at her "Bullshit. What did you do to her? Where is she?"

Brittany shrugged "She was in the ladies room a little bit ago but-"

"Shut up. I don't care" he looked around frantically "I have to find her"

He called Sam "Have you seen Y/N? Senator Johnsons aide apparently got into it with her and looks like she has a broken nose. I need to find Y/N but security needs to do something with this woman."

Brittany stammered "Look, can we just let this go? I'll lose my job if the senator finds out and my dad will flip. I promise I'll leave both of you alone from now on. Besides I only slapped her but she broke my nose."

Bucky bristled "You what! What the-"

Happy Hogan walked up. "Sergeant Barnes. Is this the trouble maker?" Bucky nodded "I'll escort her out right away and make sure the senator is notified. Sorry about the trouble."

"Thank you Happy and I asked you to call me Bucky.

I have to go find my date"

Happy smiled "Tall girl in a purple dress? She's quite a looker. I saw her on the balcony a few minutes ago."

"Thanks again Happy" and Bucky bolted. He went out the balcony doors and saw Y/N on a bench, looking out over the city.

"Hey sweetheart. Are you ok out here?"

She turned around surprised "Bucky! I'm sorry I wasn't trying to ditch you I just needed some fresh air."

"Are you cold? You can have my jacket" He took it off and put it over her shoulders.

Y/N was enveloped in his scent and it made her feel so safe and warm. Not to mention a little turned on.

He looked at her "I ran into Brittany. You throw a hell of a punch. I think you broke her nose. That's my girl" He saw the redness and scratch on her left cheek. "We should get some ice on that. How's your hand, killer?"

Y/N giggled "It hurts a little. First time I've had to hit someone since high school."

"What happened sweetheart?"

She sighed "She guessed that I'm your mystery lady and told me you were out of my league. She said I'm too plain, too tall, too fat. Amazon, loser. Nothing I haven't heard before" she looked down at her feet.

Bucky cupped her red cheek and gently pulled her head up to face him. "Hey, Y/N. Look at me. She doesn't know what she's talking about, just jealous because I don't want her. I want you. Just like you are."

Y/N felt herself getting choked up. "Are you sure? There's plenty of girls who would-"

He pressed his lips against hers for a long moment then told her "I don't want any of them. All I need is right here"

"James" She whispered when he pulled away.

"Yeah, darlin?"

"Ask me again."

Bucky looked at her confused "What?"

She looked into his eyes "Ask me again."

"Ask you wha-" his face lit up with understanding "oh I see. My beautiful, sweet Y/N, will you be my girl?"

Y/N nodded "Yes James, I'll be your girl" and kissed him.

Bucky pulled away to catch his breath "Would my sexy girl like to dance with me?"

She smiled "Always Sarge"

Bucky growled "The way you say that does something to me. Be careful"

He led her to the dance floor, put his right hand on her lower back, holding her right in his left. The band started playing 'My Girl' and he pulled her closer to him. The music surrounded them and it was like they were in their own little bubble. He looked at her like she hung the moon and she was convinced it was a dream.

Bucky leaned forward and whispered in her ear "I'm real, promise."

She pulled away embarrassed "Oh my God I can't believe I said that out loud. I've just never met anyone who treated me like you do."

Bucky pulled her back into him "Well, you ain't seen nothin yet so get used to it. You're stuck with me now." He checked his watch "We should probably get going soon, it's a couple of hours to the Hamptons."

Y/N nodded and felt her face heat up thinking about what kind of adventures this weekend at the beach might bring.

She felt fluttering in her stomach, that tingling at her core and a sudden dampness, hoping that Bucky didn't notice. She realized he did when he took a deep breath and looked at her hungrily.

@lokisasgardianvampirequeen

This was going to be a long 2 hours.

Chapter 9

@jennyamanda8

@geeky-politics-46

@vicmc624

@jesuisbenny

@matchat3a

@silverfire475

@army24--7

[mentallyshattered]

Everyday Freak of Science: part 7

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

Jade pauses, considering his next words. His apparent brother, however, either doesn't realize that or doesn't care, because he interrupts.

"Blacktip reef shark? Why's one of them in here?"

Jade doesn't sigh, but Azul does. How peculiar, the speaker doesn't mind it but the witness does.

"I was getting there, dear brother. This particular blacktip reef shark has some... issues involving food. He cannot digest plant matter, but appears to have flashbacks when eating meat."

"Flashbacks? To what?"

"To whatever made him stop eating meat in the first place."

"He looks frail."

Well, that's pretty obvious- no need to say it out loud, Floyd! I'm changing the subject. Passive aggression sounds really appealing right about now, too. I'm doing both.

"Thanks!" I beam.

Floyd, Jade, and Azul now all look baffled, but Azul remains silent. The twins do not, and their shared confusion reflects in their voices.

"Eeh? What's Melanopte-chaaaan talkin' about?/What exactly do you mean by that?"

Yes! They've taken the bait.

"Oh, y'know... the strongest ones always died first. Never really lasted more than a week, poor things. Being too weak just meant ya never made it into your water- you'd just never live over an hour, and they wouldn't waste a tank on ya. But, frail? That's the sweet spot. We frail ones got to live."

I'm not really lying, exept in one regard: the strong ones didn't die. The researchers would preserve them and they'd end up with a bunch of machines around them, keeping them alive and totally out of it. I don't feel like explaining that, though, so I summed it up as "died."

Jade is looking away. I saw him nod. Floyd, however, is staring right at me. I stare back, but only into his left eye- that encounter with Jade has taught me my lesson about looking Leeches in the yellow one.

Finally, Floyd asks me the question I've been waiting to hear: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

I grin. He's swallowed the lure, too.

"The lab I was made in."

Uncomfortable scilence. One second, two seconds, four. Five draws into six draws into seven draws into eight- still, nobody dares speak or move. Twelve seconds. Thirteen. Floyd's eyes dart around the room, fliting from me to Jade and back again. Behind the nervous, teal-haired boy, Azul blinks. The stillness settles back over the room. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty seconds, and nobody dares break this suffocating scilence.

Twenty-two. Twenty-three. An off-putting twenty-five. Azul inhales deeply and resumes his quiet, shallow breaths. Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. I can feel Jade's eyes darting around the room. My gaze sharpens. Thirty seconds of this, and all three of them have willingly kept it going. Minimal interruptions, and it's only growing longer. Thirty-eight, thirty-nine... Forty.

How odd. Humans hate scilence, do these ones love it? Peculiarities, all three of them. Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four... We're approaching a minute now, and not one of these three unusual people has break it for any longer than a second. Fifty. Fifty-one. Fifty-two. Floyd is glaring at me now. Fifty-four. Fifty-five. Just five seconds more, and it'll have been a minute.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One. At long last, the scilence is shattered, a voice that surprises me with the anxiety and fear behind it practically echoing in the small room.

"Jade, what the hell is he talking about?"

I suppress a laugh. Floyd sounds downright terrified. He's talking quickly and staring right at his brother, but does not twitch. Interesting.

Jade stands. I am suddenly supporting my own weight, and the unexpectedness of that leads to me kneeling on the floor for a quick second before standing on my own two legs. Let's pretend I didn't try to stand so fast I fell.

"Well..." Jade leans in and starts whispering in his brother's ear. I can't catch much, but the words "issue" and "experiment" are easy enough to pick out of the conversation.

"Oh, okay." Floyd sounds a little defeated now. I guess it's an improvement from "scared," at least for him. "Why don't'cha just try cooking it? I'll go and make something right now!"

Before I can properly register what he just said, the exited twin is out of the room. The door slams behind him. Jade sighs and turns to me.

"Regarding your eating disorder: is the taste the problem?"

"Uh... good question. Never thought about it." As embarrassing as it is (not much) to admit, it's true.

Jade closes his eyes and contemplates. As soon as he's done that, they're open again and there's a piece of salmon on his fork. I notice that one of the cutting tentacles is gone- did Floyd eat it, or did I just miscount them to start? Maybe I'm going insaner. Is that even a word? Case in point, I guess.

Azul sits next to me. "I take it you've never worked at a café before?"

I think back. Part of my puphood was media- anime, movies, books, even the occasional podcast. They were used for many things- teaching me, testing me, entertaining me- sometimes it was all three. Those days were fun.

"I'll take that as a no. Do you know how cafés work?"

Oh, that's right, I'm talking to Azul. "There were a lot of shows and books... I think, around half had a café of some sort. I've always thought they looked cool."

Secretly, I've always wanted to live in one. When I was really little, I thought café workers lived in their shops, sleeping in an unknown place in the back. When I got older, I was shown a book about a woman who got a job at a café, and that got cleared up. Still, my little fantasy remained.

Azul does the "pay attention to me" throat noise that humans make when they want people to listen to what they're trying to say. "Well, you're going to need training. Jade and Floyd will handle that, but you do need to pay attention, okay? You can't learn it if you don't try."

I nod. "Okay."

The door opens. Jade walks in, small, clear glass of water in hand. I didn't see him leave. Back in the lab, people leaving was just one of those things I learned to ignore.

He takes the fork from the plate, drops the salmon in, and stirs. I watch, entranced, and Azul pushes his glasses up on his nose.

He holds the glass up to my lips. "Try this." I obey.

An experiment, something different, to see if I'll eat on my own-

Jade is shaking me by my shoulders. My voice- I'm yelling, shouting for help. "Calm down, calm down. You're okay. Look around. See where you are?"

Jade sounds calm and collected, and I focus on his voice. Firm, but kind. I use that to ground myself.

"I-I... I think I'm okay now."

The door opens again. I freeze, momentarily failing to recognize the boy in the doorway as not-a-fake-Jade. However, my mind is pulled away from that as soon as I realize Floyd is carrying a plate with the cuttlefish tentacle and some sort of sauce on top, obscuring its shape.

"Here ya go!" His voice is cheery, uncharacteristic of the room and its vibe. It's a little nice, to be honest.

I take the plate and Jade hands me a fork. When I poke at the sauce, it reveals the tentacle to be darker than it was before.

Floyd grins. His teeth are slightly thinner than my own. "I grilled it."

Distantly, I hear Azul tell the twins they're going to be training me. He sounds like he's in the next room over- I'm too busy staring at the plate.

...Can I bring myself to eat this?

[genzdiariez]

I kind of just want to talk about nothing. This is a diary, after all. Lengthy personal ramble up ahead, if anyone dares or cares to read it. CW: suicidal ideation

So. I'm 20 now. It's been probably six years since I last actually used this blog, until a couple days ago when I checked the email I made it with and saw that it had accrued a bunch of bot followers. So, I logged on, started purging them (and probably some real people too, my bad,) and realized I might be able to start doing this again. So I started following a bunch of people.

For some reason, this blog's url was changed to -blog, and then someone else took the zdiariez url, and I'm not sure I'm willing to confront someone for a url I might end up dropping again in a few months anyway. It does suck, though. I don't like having dashes in my usernames.

I'm not sure I ever talked about this on this blog before, but my mom used to be a massive TERF. Part of the reality of millenials raising gen z is that millenials and gen z are both WAY too online. She got sucked into her toxic circles, I got sucked into mine. I guess in a way, we both saw each others' toxicity and not our own.

At the time (six years ago, freshman year) I was dating a girl who had me on my phone literally whenever she could get my attention. I got in trouble in my computer-something class multiple times because I would constantly check my phone to talk to her. If I didn't, she would get very upset with me. I remember her telling me that it wasn't fair when I was tired, because she lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast, and for her to talk to me she has to stay up really late while it's relatively early where I am, and when I go to bed at a reasonable hour, she doesn't have anyone to talk to.

My mom recognized in me a growing anxiety of being away from my phone or computer, and quickly realized it was because I was being emotionally manipulated. By a fourteen year old girl. Of course it's possible when you're both fourteen. That entire relationship was an absolute dumpster fire. I'll never forget how her ex would treat me like a demon and misgender me simply because she didn't like me. Or how she would cut herself on call with my ex to guilt her. I honestly don't understand how we could have so much drama.

So was being fourteen, to be honest. Again, not sure how much I've talked about this, but right when my middle school years ended and I entered into high school, my friend group kicked me out - right after my cat died - and basically told me that I was a bitch and to get lost. "We're tired of walking on eggshells around you all the time." I didn't get the memo that being emotionally volatile after the death of my beloved cat was unacceptable. I think I'll always be pretty fucking salty about that whole situation. It was the seed that grew into a big, strong, healthy Fear of Abandonment and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria tree.

So I lost my cat, my friends, my girlfriend is suffocating me, my mom won't accept me for who I am, so what am I to do? Obviously, I'll hang myself from the catwalks in the school theater with a rope I was given as a prop for a play.

Saying it now, it's melodramatic and needlessly traumatizing for anyone who witnesses it. Back then, it was so comforting to think that I was finally going to be done with it.

Making this blog in the first place was a way for me to cry for help. I didn't ask for help very well, that's something I've never been good at. I kind of wish I was, then maybe I wouldn't have been in such a dark place to begin with, or maybe someone would have noticed the way i was talking on here and reached out.

I feel forever grateful for an interaction I had on this blog when I was fourteen, two years after I came out as nonbinary, unsure if I was allowed to call myself trans and relate to other trans people. An adult (or at least someone older than me) came in to tell me that I am just as trans as anyone else, and my struggles matter. Thank you, blog I've forgotten the name of. You genuinely did help me. You restructured my neurons in the right way where I can tell myself and other people, of course I'm trans! I'm not cis, am I?

[munsontm]

“when this is all over, i want it to be you and me.” — stevie ofc

@harringtontm

There was more than one occurrence in Eddie Munson’s life for him to label the worst day of his life. The first day was at the age of eight, and his pa had just told him that ma was dead. She wasn’t ever coming home again because she’d drunkenly driven into a lamppost, dying upon impact. The second worst day of Eddie’s life happened when he was twelve, and the cops came to arrest his pa for multiple offences that, in his desperation, pa attempted to blame on him. Eddie saw the pity in those cop's eyes and came to the painful realisation that his father had never loved him, just used him as a tool. The third day came in April 1986. Eddie was twenty. Eddie died in April 1986, saving a bunch of people he barely knew except for Dustin. During the scarce time he spent on the other side, he saw no light, no pearly gates. Death was only nothingness and an eternal dark, seemingly spent alone. Nah, man. Death wasn’t for him, so he woke up because fuck that. During the fourth day, he was twenty-three and storming through the streets of San Francisco. To where? He didn’t know; he didn’t care. He just needed to be away from Steve after being accused of having an affair that never happened. Eddie wasn’t usually a person to get angry; it took a lot to make him genuinely mad. But Steve, beautiful bastard, Steve. He had poked a crack in the wall until a whole avalanche of other issues came spilling out, and Eddie kicked the crack until it became a hole with a name, Nancy Wheeler. As he’d let himself escalate, tearing into the past that Steve had let bleed into their relationship, he convinced himself that Steve would leave him afterwards. It was the end. So, he let the fury out over feeling like a consolation prize and that Steve constantly compared him to Nancy in his head, and he was fucking done being Nancy Wheeler’s shadow. They didn’t break up, though. Instead, they got married, and the issues began to resolve over time with effort.

The fifth worst day of Eddie Munson’s life was playing out before him at thirty-two in a coffee house in uptown LA. He sat opposite Steve, wearing a cap and shades as a terrible disguise, but no one dared to bother them for once. A stroke of luck, he supposed. Over the years, a comfortable silence had developed between them where necessary or desired, as it often does with couples in long-term relationships. But the silence that settled over them in that coffee house, with Steve staring out the window, and Eddie down at his sugary espresso, was anything but comfortable. There were things to be said, yet neither wanted to speak. Unfortunately, time raced against them, and someone needed to make a move. Thirty minutes remained before Eddie had to stand up, leave, and check in to the rehab centre across the street. Once there, he wouldn’t see his kids for months and could only talk to Steve once in a while. It hurt more than going away on tour. It hurt so fucking much that he just wanted to crumple like wet paper and cry until hoarse.

All those past worst days of his life had done this to him. He knew that; Steve did too. Trauma on top of trauma, coupled with a rock star lifestyle, until one day, it finally burst in their faces, and Steve found him dying on the bathroom floor from an accidental overdose while Sam and Rian were just a few walls away. Steve had to save his life, adding to his own trauma. Guilt consumed Eddie over that moment, working its way through him bit by bit from the second he woke up in the hospital to face his husband’s loving wrath. Riddled with anxiety and withdrawal symptoms shaking at his bones, Eddie finally spoke, uttering what he had uttered a thousand times since the hospital. “I’m sorry.” Sorry for doing this to Steve and their boys. Sorry for forcing Steve through the horror of bringing him back to life. Sorry for not realising sooner how badly he needed help with his addiction problems. He felt sick from how sorry he was about it all, though the withdrawals contributed to it too. It took more strength than he had to down the cooled espresso in front of him, and he shuddered when the bitter liquid made its way down his throat.

“When this is all over, I want it to be you and me.”

Eddie nodded mutely when Steve finally spoke and looked at him with a softened expression except for the steely look in his eyes. But Eddie knew that look as determination, remembered it from a time when they were nineteen and twenty, and Steve was looking to save the world. Now, Steve wanted to save his world, their world. They’d come too far to break now despite the drugs often telling them otherwise. God, Eddie loved him so much. Steve hung the sun and the clouds as far as he was concerned. “You and me,” he responded quietly, managing a hint of a smile through the sickness that’d made itself at home inside him. The smile soon became a sniffling wobble when Steve reached across the small table and laced their fingers together, silently reminding Eddie that he could do this and that he’d always been stronger than he ever gave himself credit for. Eddie nodded again without a prompt, wiping his eyes beneath the glasses and thinking of the best days of his life to come with the love of his life.

[iwanttobeseenalive]

6/21/2020 - From a child

I am going to write how depression feels.

Depression feels like the whole world is bringing you down, telling you you're worthless, telling you to just…die…What may be, "Just a joke." Or a sarcastic remark, turns into insults, threats, horribly mean comments and most importantly, telling you to just die. It's even worse if it was already intended that way. Then…It…makes you feel…like an utterly worthless mistake, a non-important failure, a waste of space, deserving to die, trash pile…Which, (Not trying to bring her down) Is how █████ makes me feel, almost every time she talks to me, looks at me, touches me, Etc.

It feels like you are constantly carrying massive weights around. So doing even simple things like getting out of bed and getting dressed can be so tiring and hard. Let alone talking with people or doing any activities. So yeah…

Also ████████ hates me confirmed. She said she was sick of me, was talking a bunch about how her Mom hates me, thinks ████████ should not be my friend, how I'm, "A mean little girl, just like my sister." (Her words not mine) Etc. She also said my music is, "Stupid nerd music." Soo I'm a nerd now…She also said, "We are not getting along anymore." GIRL PLEASE! You are not getting along with me. I'm fine with you! You have a problem with me! And I feel like it's because of ██████. Or maybe she just hates me! Like a bunch of other people do…I also think she, A: Never was depressed to begin with(Just a little overdramatic and self-conscious.) B: Thinks that I'm not depressed or I need to, "Just get over it." Cause, "She already got over hers." ……IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! YOU CAN'T JUST, "Get over it." IT'S MORE THAN JUST SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SAD! YOU FEEL…EMPTY! ALL THE TIME! YOU DO THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO DO! YOU'RE MEAN TO PEOPE YOU CARE ABOUT! YOU SNAP AT PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU! YOU PUSH PEOPLE AWAY AND SHUT YOURSELF UP AND DON'T LET ANYONE INSIDE! YOU'RE SOUR TO PEOPLE AND DON'T REALIZE IT! YOU'RE RUDE AND PUSHY AND MEAN! BUT YOU'RE ALSO SHY AND TIMID AND DON'T LIKE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE! YOU'RE NUMB AND COLD AND EMPTY! AND YET FILLED WITH RAGE AND SADNESS AND GUILT AT THE SAME TIME! It tears you down…breaks your life…So don't you dare tell me to, "Get over it." Because unlike you, I actually have depression. I actually feel the impact in my life, see it in the people around me…When you get your life torn apart from depression and anxiety, then you can try to give me advice. But at that point…I think I'll be giving it to you… (Lol no she totally just insulted you, said she didn't want to know you, blocked you. And then tried to make up again several months later. We're not friends anymore. Don't plan to be friends again unless the Lord leads me to be. She was a terrible friends and absolutely wrecking your mental health. 3/18/2022) (You weren't that great of a friend either. 9/5/2024)

[casspurrjoybell-27]

In a Heartbeat - Chapter 33 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Simon

The pill bottles felt heavy in my hand.

Chase had given me two, one for anxiety and the other was the same suppressants Vince was taking, just at a much lower dose.

He had assured me that I shouldn't feel pressured to take either but I didn't even want them here with me.

It felt wrong to have these, especially the suppressants.

I had survived so long without them that I didn't feel it necessary to start now.

Staring at them now didn't change that.

I felt like it would be cheating to start using the suppressants, the whole point was for Vince to get off of these.

Why would I start using something that was so terrible in the first place?

Even the anxiety pills seemed pointless.

There were a plethora of side effects that it could cause, just so I could feel fine for a day?

How was that supposed to help in the long run?

That and I didn't want to feel numb and empty.

I didn't want to not feel.

That was the last thing I wanted and as much as I wanted to flush it down the toilet or throw it out, I couldn't do it.

So I stuffed it under all my belongings in the suitcase, not wanting to see it again.

Vince probably thought I was strange for keeping my things in my bags still but I didn't want to intrude his space.

I was already pushing my luck by being here and by sleeping on his couch but it was also a habit I picked up from living with Aspen and Cedar.

Moving around often, or sleeping in small spaces, we needed to be ready to go at any moment and being here felt the same way.

There was no question that if Vince really didn't want me here, he wouldn't hesitate to kick me out again.

This morning, I thought he would have dragged me off his couch and shove me out the door, only to be startled when he picked up the blanket and placed it over me.

I had been shaking like a leaf when he approached me but I don't think he noticed I was actually awake or he wouldn't have picked up the blanket but I couldn't let my guard down, as far as kindness goes, that was probably just a spur of the moment, something his dazed and probably half-asleep mind did without really thinking.

He probably forgot about it, so I didn't want to dare bring it up in case he got defensive and kicked me out.

Luckily, Xavier had shown up, a good distraction from whatever the hell Vince meant from his actions earlier.

The look of relief on his face quickly replaced his worried features when he walked in. In large strides he made his way over to the couch, sitting sideways on the couch beside me.

"He didn't do anything, right?" he asked, the worry taking over his features again as he scanned me over.

I shook my head before replying.

"He slept in the office."

"Oh."

"Really, I'm fine," I assured him after seeing his still worried face.

"I can make breakfast if you haven't eaten yet."

He smiled slightly before replying...

"Yes, just jab at my inability to cook, why don't you."

He made a pouting face before ushering me out of the room.

A few passing pack members gave us an inquisitive look as Xavier seemed to drag me down the hall, down the flights of stairs and into the kitchen area where a bunch of people was fiercely working to make vats of food.

Despite how much in a flurry they were, most of them immediately halted work and shouted greetings to Xavier who waved back with the same ferocity.

One of the older staff stepped forward, her apron covered in as much flour as Xavier had the other night.

She extended her arms out to him and despite all the flour, Xavier wasted no time and returned the hug.

She looked me over curiously, before patting Xavier's back, the flour flying through the air.

They both let out a loud laugh when they pulled away, the flour coating the both of them now.

Xavier gripped her hand before looking at me.

"Oh, Loreta, I think we've found your match. Simon is just a beast in the kitchen."

"You're giving me too much credit," I muttered, feeling my cheeks get warmer.

"I was used to doing the cooking when I was younger."

Before I could see it coming, Loreta extended her arms out to me, giving me a hug that rivaled the one Xavier received.

When she finally let go, I could feel some of the flour falling onto my shoulders and the front of my shirt.

She looked at me with a slight frown.

"You've grown up well, Simon. Your father would be proud."

I froze, blinking a few times before replying.

"My father?"

Her frown turned into a sad half-smile.

"Oh, how could I forget sweet Clayton? He would always be first in line for food after a hunt and would be the last to leave some nights, helping compile the dishes or sweeping up the trash so we could go home early and on some nights he'd proudly show all of us photos or videos of the little ones running around and all of your accomplishments."

My chest felt heavy, my breathing became labored as I remembered those nights dad would come home late.

The pictures of us he kept on him at all times, the leftover food he'd sneak home for us when mom needed a break from cooking.

Loreta wrapped me in another hug and soon Xavier joined in.

We didn't care about the flour or how Loreta probably should be helping with lunch.

It just felt nice to be hugged like this, to get lost in the moment for a second and forget everything around us.

We stayed like that for what felt like ten minutes before Loreta patted our backs as she pulled away.

Xavier squeezed my shoulder before looking at her.

"Mind if we use the kitchen? Simon promised me a grand breakfast," he grinned at me.

"Sure thing, dear," Loreta rustled his hair, before gesturing over to one of the many stoves.

"I'm just prepping dinner over there. Feel free to use any of the other stoves."

She headed over to the other kitchen staff as we mulled over what to make.

It was already past breakfast time, it was more brunch than anything.

[lenteur]

you're so precious !!! i'm sorry i've been away for a couple of days, work is really busy because it's christmas time and ugh STRESS

i'd love my job more if some customers weren't so rude all the time. i had an absolutely horrible call today with a guy who thought that trying to intimidate me was the way to go. (he didn't get far but he really got on my nerves.....) i wish some people were nicer to employees :( honestly i don't know what i want to do as like, a full time thing. i'm interested in a lot of crime stuff (not committing crime but solving it!) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

maybe a bit of both?? 💕🥺 you're so sweet omg!! :(

oh my god SAME, i share ur pain 😭

it definitely does :( whenever i get into a new group, i always like to read about them so i can get to know a little bit about them (and see who shares my mbti or birthday if possible haha) and on kpop profiles, they always have their little "who's your bias" poll at the bottom. i get curious all the time and i just vote on them to see, and it's hurtful when i see one member has like 50k+ votes and the member at the bottom will have a couple hundred thousand :( i honestly hope no k-pop group ever reads into these because they can be damaging :( i mean, i know we all have our favourites but i love all members of every group i'm into equally. no one is least liked than the others <3

i'm definitely the same when i get into a new group, i have to paste the names into google to make sure i'm spelling them correctly 🤣 that's okay!!!! i forgive you in advance 💗

i'm EXACTLY THE SAME. my favourite show is criminal minds and every time i see the killer coming towards someone, i'm like LOOK OUT and then when someone gets hurt, i turn to my boyfriend like "HOW DARE THEY NOT LISTEN TO ME YELLING" 🤣 i think i am the worst person to watch things with. in the cinema, i'm as quiet as a mouse but in my own house, i do talk through things (unless the other person tells me to shut up)

i signed up to a stray kids secret santa and i followed this person who liked one of my gifs and then two minutes later i got an ask saying "this person is your secret santa" AND IT WAS THE PERSON I FOLLOWED !!!! like what r the chances <333 we became moots but they don't know it's me............. i hope.........

i hope we can definitely keep in touch once i've revealed myself <3 ily already, you're just so lovely and even though i'm a ball of crippling anxiety, i LOVE talking to you ❤ you made my heart SMILEEEEEE, i am sending you the biggest virtual HUG EVER 💚🥰

YES to all of those groups !!!! it'll never happen but i want a 2NE1 cb. my heart still hopes, i was OBSESSED with them !!!! was literally listening to "pirate" when i saw you liked everglow. they're so so underrated 🙄

their debut song was probably one of those songs where i was like what the hell is going on >.< i really did not like o.o, it wasn't until i watched their perf at mama that i was like THIS IS CATCHY :( loona deserve better honestly :((

also.... i have to ask...... do you like cats 🐈

(i know. u are the highlight of mine (brb kinda sobbing bc ur so sweet)

—svt secret santa 🎅 🎁🎄

It's okay 🤗🥰 you never have to apologise for something like that. Especially because you're braver than the marines for working in service (from what I've gathered 🧐🤔) I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like that man 💔 I don't know why people seem to think shouting and threatening is the way to go... I think the best way to make others understand you and help you with your problem is to be nice and cordial to them 💓 At least, that's the way I see things. And, whenever I go to a shop, I always try to compliment the people working there so their day isn't all sadness and frustration ♥️ Sending you good vibes and giving you big hugs for the holiday season 🫂💙💪

Yeah, especially for nugu groups, you'll only have one or two popular members (aka the ones they send on a bunch of shows to make the group more known) but the rest will be forgotten 😭😭😭 I've learnt to not look at those surveys and go on with my life 💕

Oh 👀👀👀 I see you're a fellow criminal minds enjoyer 😊 I think this is a big clue as to who you are 🤭🧐👀 Who's you favourite? If I had to guess, I'd say Dr Reid (is that how you spell his name?). Let me know if I'm wrong 🤭 Mine is Penelope and I really like her little flirtations with Derek (I hope that's his name 🤞 it's been a while since I last watched an episode) I don't watch it as often now because I used to have nightmares about the killers 😭💔 TMI TMI !!! And, I'm the same 🤣 I can't help but comment every single thing on a show I'm watching on TV (I got that from my mom 💕) but at the cinema, I'm the one getting mad when there's someone talking 😭🤣 Call that duality if you will 🤣🤣🤣

No way 😳🤯 What are the chances of that happening? I would've been so shook if I was you 😱 I wouldn't know what to do 🤣 Hopefully the stayblr secret Santa event is going well for you 💞 I don't know how you manage to juggle with two events at once wow! I always stuck to only one because, knowing myself, I'll mix things up and then the one reviving my messages would wonder if I'm okay 🤣🤣🤣😭

Awee 🥺🥺🥺 the feeling is mutual 💓 You're so sweet and fun and kind and I can't wait to know more about you 🫶 Sending you the biggest virtual hug back bestie 🫂

Even if they never have a cb, I'll consider the Coachella reunion like their last ot4 comeback... The lengths we go to as blackjacks to keep hope 💔 Literally when you sent me the mouse game episode, it was already in my recommended videos on yt 😱 I was so shocked! And I see we both like everglow 👀 We were meant to be 🫂💓 I would've followed you and we would still be besties, even without this event 💖 I can't wait to have a nickname specifically made for you 🥰 with an emoji as well

Kind of a controversial opinion but o.o was kinda okay for me. I mean it's certainly not the best song that I've ever heard but I did enjoy it a bit ☺️ Still would've preferred if the entire song sounded like the second verse but yeah, I did enjoy it haha

Uh do I like cats? Is that even a question? OF COURSE I DO 😍😘🐈 (the caps were necessary because I had to show you how serious I am about my love for cats) I actually plan on adopting one 💗 But I have to see if my apartment and the area where I live match with the cat. I don't want to make a rushed decision. I want to give it the best conditions ever 💖 Do YOU have cats? If so, what are their names? I would've asked for pictures but you can't send them on anon 😔💔 I'll ask for some when you reveal yourself 🥰

You're so sweet too 🥺😭 I don't care if I look like a fool rn you're too kind and adorable and precious to not smile and feel warm all over 💖

Wishing you a lovely weekend and a lot of fun for the holidays ☺️💕

[mwagneto]

being raised by psychologists is obviously inherently bad but among other things it comes with the interesting effect where i was raised to know exactly how people work and what action results in what outcome when it comes to relationships and communication and how those can be optimalised which sounds like a perk but it literally fucking sucks because whenever i do them (consciously or unconsciously) i feel like a fucking social interaction machine and also any advice on how to overcome social anxiety is completely useless because i ALREADY KNOW these things i just have a mental illness that makes me too nervous to do them. tldr how tf do you just approach a stranger with the intent of befriending them i'd rather set myself on fire

[solomons-finest-rum]

Can you please write a request of Alfie cheering up a very sad reader

:(

“Hello, luv” — (Alfie Solomons x Gender Neutral!Reader)

Masterlist

SUMMARY — You've had what could best be described as a very long day. Week. Possibly a month. Alfie Solomons, as strange as he was as a boss, turned out to be a very good shoulder to cry on.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Hi Anon!!! I vibed with this request particularly hard today, not gonna lie... But because you didn't request a specific reader I wanted to keep it neutral, I hope it's okay? And of course I hope it makes you feel better!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

WORD COUNT — 889

“Hello, luv. Somethin’ interesting for me today?” Alfie greeted you as soon as you came to his office to bring him his morning mail.

It’s been that way for some time. He’d greet you and you would get all his “luv’s”, “pet’s”, “darlin’s”, and others. Ollie, you noticed, sometimes got a “hello”, other times a grunt or a nod. Everybody else got to see the big, bad wolf.

“Good morning, Mr. Solomons,” you said, quieter than usual, as you proceeded to stack various papers and documents on Alfie’s desk. “There is that order input you wanted, your mail, I got that… the novel you wanted and—”

“You all right, darlin’?”

You dared to look up. Alfie was looking straight at you or perhaps straight through you. The man honestly missed nothing.

“Yes! Yes, of course I am, sir.” You smiled, ever the skilled performer, and took the empty teacup from his desk. “Will there be anything else?”

Alfie, king among liars and bullshiters, squinted at you, but otherwise didn’t argue. He nodded and grunted something you couldn’t understand and so you took your leave.

It was at lunchtime when the question about your behaviour resurfaced. This time, Alfie approached you directly.

“Luv, there a reason why the new shipment order got ‘milk and eggs’ written where my signature should be?”

You froze in place, fingers hovering over the typewriter, but not daring to touch it again as Alfie leaned against your desk. A looming presence he had, if he really wanted to show it.

“I—”

“Right, an’ the bunch of ‘m’s’ here,” Alfie showed you a letter you had so diligently typed for him last night.

Proficiency in shorthand was actually the reason he hired you and it soon made you Alfie’s favourite employee. He talked often—and a lot—and as his assistant you had to be ready to take notes of pretty much everything Alfie deemed important.

It often was just the two of you, sitting in his office, with Alfie walking around the room and monologuing, and you writing down his thoughts, orders or enemy threats of outlandish nature.

When you saw the copy of the letter Alfie was holding, however, your blood curdled. It was the rough draft you had intended to throw away and it was indeed riddled with random chains of the letter ‘m’ — the origin of which had been you hitting the malfunctioning key in frustration, hoping you’d fix it by sheer force.

Safe to say, that was not the copy you wanted Alfie to see.

“Don’t think we can send that, pet, all right,” he frowned, still looking at the letter, “not unless we want my business partner thinkin’ I’m comin’ onto him like that… Or hummin’, yeah, don’t especially want people to think I’m a man who hums—”

The monologue, spoken more to the papers in his hands than to you, halted abruptly when he looked at you again.

“Y/N?”

You were never one for extreme emotions, especially not in the workplace, but the sadness and the anxiety bubbling up inside you for the past few weeks finally overwhelmed you. The added fear of losing this job turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“I’m so sorry,” you said quietly, doing your very best not to burst into tears right then and there. “I’ll fix that for you right away…”

You took the papers from him, hands shaking, and you looked down to hide your face when you felt the first few tears run down your cheeks.

Alfie stopped talking and as sure as you were that was it and you were going to get sacked, you never expected the man to sit you back down and hand you a handkerchief.

“Ah, fuck, listen… Take that, it’s clean.” He paused, looking and probably feeling terribly out of his depth. “Don’t cry, I was just teasin’ ya, right…”

You shook your head and dried your eyes, still unwilling to speak in fear that you might cry even more if you did.

“It’s nothing you said,” you admitted. “Excuse me…”

“Then what is it?” he grunted, his confusion palpable.

“It’s… My cat is sick.”

“You don’t have a cat.”

You looked him in the eye and lied, that was a fact, just as much as it was a fact that Alfie Solomons, the Liar Emperor himself, did not tolerate lies in his place of business.

“Listen, yeah?” Alfie paused and sighed. “There ain’t no real reason why I can’t legally change my name to ‘milk’n’eggs’, right…”

You laughed at that and finally dared to blow your nose in front of him. He seemed amused.

“I’m so sorry…” you said. “I don’t know how to explain—”

“Who did this to ya?” Alfie asked you instead.

You sighed and shook your head, but then completely out of nowhere he put his hand on your shoulder, forcing you to look at him. He was serious for once, frowning and letting you know with his entire being that he was listening intently.

“Whatever it is, yeah… you can tell me. Now, I can promise ya, I’ve heard it all before.”

“Really?” You managed a small smile. “I doubt that, Mr. Solomons…”

“Try me.”

“All right.” You closed your eyes and Alfie squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. “Fuck. Where do I even begin…”