#anyone with ocd can tell

[tomatotales]

the three fics tagged Art Donaldson has OCD know exactly what i need

[zolo-san]

hey @ people who write long fics/chapter fics: what do you do when you have a fic idea and you've got a lot of good stuff to make up the actual fic, but you don't really have a real ending?

asking for a friend lol

So I don't normally write long fics and I really don't write chapter fics (Like one of my longest posted fics is a little over 14k but most of my stuff averages around 4k) but the Lawlu university AU that has been consuming my brain for the last month or so is an idea that has to be a chapter fic and I have a lot of ideas for it, but I don't have a clear ending point. Most of my fics have always had a very clear and natural end Like I've never really planned the ending out per say, but I just knew when the story I was trying to tell was finished and never had a problem wrapping it up But right now I'm close to finally getting all the ideas I had for this AU down and I don't know that I have a "clear" ending, ya know I know that I don't (at least right now) have much more that I'd like to include in the story, but idk if I can really end it where my ideas/desire to continue the story drops off like idk if it'll feel like a proper end there...........this is also so hard to explain if you're not living in my head and don't know where the planning doc currently ends, so sorry lol

I also have this irrational fear of writing chapter fics Like I get anxious at the implied commitment of it all and dumb things like how long a chapter should be? (I don't believe in filling up stories with filler just for the sake of length, if it's not relevant to the story or character development I generally won't include it - it's the script writer in me >.<) I know there's no real "rules" to how long a chapter "needs" to be and there's no such thing as a chapter being "too short" (this applies for writing in general, but double for fanfic) but it makes me STRESSED that I might not have enough for certain ideas to make a "full" chapter idk why I'm more comfortable with creating a bunch of short fics as part of a series and calling it a day (maybe because there's also no implied "total" amount of chapters even tho ao3 does the 1/? until you mark a chapter fic as complete) I also get anxious because I like the permission series fics feel like they give me to skip large chunks of time and I feel like I can't do that with a chapter fic (again I know there are no "rules" I'm just stressing out for nothing lol) I also just like that with a series I could randomly pick it up and write another piece to go with it on a whim if say, I get another idea out of nowhere after completing the story that I have currently planned (tho I guess there's nothing that stops me from adding a chapter to a fic even after it's marked as complete is there? 🤔) BUT if I were to write it as a series, then I'd have to have a title for every fic and the thought of that makes me want to jump out a window (naming fics is truly the bane of my existence), but with a chapter fic it's one title and I'm done (I also already know what I want the title to be sooooooooo) I can also make a series for the AU and have the chapter fic be a main fic and then have the freedom to write sort of spin-off one-off fics in the same universe for other couples 😈

idk man........I'm having a CRISIS over a fanfiction and something about that is very funny....but still lol Especially because I'm mostly worried about breaking non-existent "rules" idk I think I just have to accept that I'm a little weirdo when it comes to fic writing~

tho I still have the problem of not having a clear ending..........

help i'm going crazy i know none of this matters but still >.>

[jubileedeeznuts-posting]

what's your favorite piece of tetro fanart you've done?

ERMMMMMM if i had to pick a Favourite that ive done itd prolly be between these two personally,,,

I just Remember being really happy with them when i Finished them and they were both really Fun bc it was like shit i’d not really done before for the watari one with the skeleton and shit and i just had a Lot of fun Colouring the blue parts for the hiroaki one ykwim??? SO YEAH IG ITD BE ONE OF THESE TWO BUT I CANNOT DECIDE BETWEEN THEM bc i fear im chronically indecisive,,, THANKS FOR ASKING!!!

[sunnymothmoss]

My Milgram OCD Thesis

TW for discussion of some OCD obsessions (moral, harm), brief implied sui ideation and brief sh mention

I've been putting off writing this all week but I wanna get all my thoughts down. My brain is fried from fatigue but we go onwards.

Firstly, I LOVE Milgram. It has been an on and off hyperfixation of mine for a while. However, when I was first introduced to the concept it terrified me, and I believe that was because of my OCD. These are the reasons I feel that Milgram is something that both resonates with my OCD and a form of horror specifically targeted towards it.

1. Milgram is thought horror.

This is a type of horror that I feel hasn't been discussed enough in general, especially through the lens of OCD and intrusive thoughts. I would define thought horror as any horror related to thoughts being heard, revealed without consent or coming alive/becoming reality, and I have seen it in many pieces of media that were not even classed as horror. Though none of the Milgram characters have been explicitly shown to experience intrusive thoughts, the concept of the system itself is terrifying to someone who does. A big fear for a lot of people with OCD is that people will somehow be able to hear or find out their thoughts, in the fictional universe of Milgram this is reality due to the music videos.

2. Most of the characters can constantly hear people's judgement with no escape.

For many people with OCD this is what our own brains do to us. A constant stream of doubts, horrors and constant judgement from ourselves over things we do not want, do not enjoy and would sometimes quite literally rather die than continue to hear/think about. The psychological torture that the Milgram prisoners are subjected too is somehow all too familiar to me and potentially others like me. Though the voices the prisoners hear are from the audience I can still relate, as morality based OCD obsessions, for me, very much feel like they're someone else, some kind of monster or parasite, that's invaded my brain and won't go away.

3. Milgram is a system of judgement, of forgiveness and guilt.

This is also a big one, though the milgram characters are supposedly being judged for 'murders' for many of them this is not something they're guilty of. Milgram putting the loaded label of 'murderer' onto all of them regardless of circumstance and if they even really killed someone sounds a lot like how my OCD functions. OCD will blow everything you say, do and think into the worst possible thing imaginable. Everything will cause a spiral when it is at its most severe. Thoughts aren't facts, they lie to you, and intrusive thoughts are simply the opposite to what you actually want. Saying one inconspicuous thing that you later overthink may have been the wrong thing to say doesn't make it your fault that your friend isn't in school the next day. Hurting yourself one time does not mean you are capable of snapping one day and stabbing a classmate. The equation of abortion to murder, suicide of someone close to you to murder, is OCD logic in my personal opinion. Not to say everyone who thinks those things has OCD, just that it's the same kinda logical fallacy I suppose?

Furthermore, sorry this is a long one, but the constant changing judgement between forgiven and unforgiven, the changes between being told 'this is unforgivable and you deserve to die' and 'we forgive you, we understand, it's okay' - would be absolute torture to anyone but especially someone with moral OCD.

Final note to end this on but I also feel the Milgram system reinforces guilt even when there is no blame. To people with OCD like mine guilt is a constant, and any reinforcement that I should feel guilty makes it so much worse.

[neonhellscape]

new rt everyone shes a freak whos pretty sure shes been been given the role of rogue trader as an act of divine intervention to eventually replace the godemperor and bring new glory to the imperium which she thinks is dull and stagnant. dont worry about why she keeps marazhai caged in her trophy room like he's bait its not important and completely irrelevant to the fact ive joke nicknamed her simon thresh. has anyone noticed a lot of slaaneshi demons during warp jumps lately

[queerlycarter]

edit midway thru writing this post:okay well i dont want to trigger anyone elses anxieties and phobias so! under the cut we have:

me talking specifically about norovirus & fears related to that; ocd rituals; emetophobia rituals/fears; hypochondria; unsanitary food practices (hypothetical); i ended up talking about my bowel movements. sorry

guy who has emetophobia and therefore an extremely deepseated fear of getting sick from food, as well as (currently mild) ocd, learning about 2 separate cases (people i know personally or tangentially) of norovirus:

(edit midway thru writing this post: i was rambling in the tags but u can see those without clicking the readmore so im moving them here. got 2 tags deep and i was like hang on let me not trigger the fuck out of anyone who might have the same problems as me!)

WASHES MY HANDS ONE WILLIAM TIMES.

z was like. HOW WOULD WE GET NOROVIRUS. and i was like we've eaten out a lot this week!!!! any one of those fuckers could have gone and shit their brains out and come and touched our food!!! b got sick from being in the same bathroom as ppl shitting their brains out!!!!

anyways today is my second day home and yesterday my poop was kind of weird. and TODAY its really bad. and i realized both happened after i had my coffee. and that my creamer was not very cold anymore when i made it home (the icepack situation in the lunchbox was less than ideal) AND has real dairy in it (MOST flavored coffeemate and delight creamers do not) AND has been open since i was in nc at the end of march

so like. its Probably my creamer. my tummy doesn't even hurt at all. BUT IM SO PARANOID

and i absolutely cannot under ANY circumstances look up the symptoms or symptom progression of norovirus.

[wackywatchdotcom]

realizing just how LONG its been since ive posted a ragatha comic. i need to do that again its been too long despite the fact that i think most of my best work wrt tadc has been my ragatha stuff...

hey wait wtf i posted this and tumblr deleted like the last 12 tags. what the hell . that sucks. maybe i hit tag limit and it just didnt tell me or stop me from adding more tags...

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

just when I'd had a couple weeks that were like, normal and chill and my brain was okay, all of a sudden I've got like three different things all making me feel sick and panicked

[ancient-depressed-druid]

Are you neurodivergent and queer as in "I cannot tell the difference between obsessively thinking about a person and romantic attraction" or "wildly sexual intrusive thoughts vs genuine sexual attraction" or even "do I rly have no problems being called any pronouns bc I don't wanna bother other people or bc I dissociate so much it is weird to perceive myself as alive and human, even more sort myself in gender norms and labels"

Tag yourself. I'm all of them

[emometalhead]

.

[felix-the-human]

EDIT: DID SOME RESEARCH AND IM DEFINITELY AROMANTIC LMAO I THOUGHT SENSUAL ATTRACTION IS WHAT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION IS. FINDING OUT WHAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY MEAN BY ROMANTIC ATTRACTION WAS LIKE FUCKING WHIPLASH HONESTLY. WHAT DO YOU MEAN CERTAIN ACTIONS & BEHAVIORS ARE INHERENTLY ROMANTIC TO SOME PEOPLE. GAH. I THOUGHT EVERYONE HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE AS ME SO NO WONDER I ALWAYS GOT SO CONFUSED WHEN PARTNERS WEREN'T SATISFIED WITH HAVING THE SAME/SLIGHTLY LESS/ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE PRIORITY IN MY LIFE THAN LONG-TERM FRIENDSHIPS. BUT ALSO LIKE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO SPEND 100% OF YOUR TIME WITH ME WHEN WE ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER, THATS FREAK BEHAVIOR TO ME. HAVE YOUR OWN IDENTITY? DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN? LEAVE ME ALONE!!! FOR LIKE, A FEW DAYS!!!

Think I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Not sure I've felt interested in dating someone until they were interested in me, more like, them showing interest + me thinking I was amatanormative (in that I believed I MUST experience romantic attraction, because I get soooo swept away with each relationship - but each relationship was either someone outright abusing me, or being toxic and guilt-tripping me constantly, sooooo.... Who knows. Could've just been my childhood trauma of desperately wishing my parents would love me & doing literally everything I could to make relationships work until they hurt me too badly, the guilt-tripping and love bombing would definitely sway a guy with OCD & cPTSD & people-pleasing tendencies)

I'm definitely asexual & agender, why not plug in that third A battery?

But anyways.

Wondering if anybody could tell me about how they figured out if they were on the aromantic spectrum? More so than like, the way I currently identify, romantic attraction to "femme" people

(not sure how to put it, more like romantic attraction to people who don't look like typical cis men, which I always attributed to severe trauma more than a natural state of being, but also didn't really care cause I never enjoyed dating men 🤷🏽‍♀️ or honestly, dating at all, come to think of it 🤔)

like sure, definitely enjoyed the initial love bombing where I finally felt like somebody loved me for who I was 😂 but never enjoyed once the big chemicals faded and I realized there were tons of red flags/someone pointed them out to me. Then I hit the bricks pretty quick and the only time I think about exes is during flashbacks or when I see stupid posts from them on a new alt account for their poorly-made zines while trying to doublecheck I had them blocked 😂

like, takes only a few days for me to feel much happier and never want to be with that person again. But also they were all abusive because my silly brain couldn't tell I was repeating the same pattern each time. Always thought "this time I definitely found a good person!" Lmaooooooo silly silly guy. Blinded by your own repressed childhood trauma.

[v7lgar]

ngl i'm avoiding tumblr like the plague bcuz i need to change my theme and my masterlist so i can move on and actually write my wips but guess who is lazy

[mer-se]

So much of anxiety is living in both the past and future and not being present so, I’m trying to make a conscious effort to stay in the present from now on because I literally don’t actually exist anywhere else. so whats that matter - we just have right now. Constant worrying doesn’t actually alter anything. If bad, shitty stressful things are going to happen they will, there’s no control in that. Just have to live. Just have to continue, adapt and do the best you can in the moment you’re actually fucking in and keep going. Gotta go through bad stuff to get to the cool shit. There’s always good stuff coming. Either way you gotta just keep going.

so presently I’m standing in my kitchen and it’s crazy foggy outside. I have the worlds most precious cat at my feet and i’m eating warmed homemade coffee cake.

[order-of-the-forks]

when I first watched fhsy I was deep in the throes of paranoid ocd and whenever I got into my car I was like baron will be in here with me. and so I wasn’t allowed to look into the rearview mirror until I had said “riz gukgak….” out loud in his stupid little voice on the off chance that he would, idk, get annoyed that I had stolen his line and would leave?

anyway now that I’m no longer cracked in the head (therapized) can’t wait for next episode

[voiceshearingyouloud]

Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling

[the-everqueen]

i read crit theory for fun, i write rabbit-hole analyses of miniscule moments in performance, i care about my first-years so much--and i'm starting to think that maybe academia does not love me back. maybe there's nothing i could give it that would be Enough. maybe the academy would rather i ground myself to dust than give me one (1) thing. maybe i should start looking at non-ac jobs.