#anyway I don’t go this hard anymore and I’m missing like 5 operators

[xarrixii]

Chapter_36 : "The Setup" ━━━━━━━━━━━━━

CW: previous chapter | beginning | masterlist

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It was past midnight by now, and while Harlow was killing for some sleep, he knew Liam would be asleep right now, and he couldn’t afford being stopped right now.

This was his best bet.

It had been risky enough sneaking himself into the server room and looking through the data for a good twenty minutes looking for the most obvious of the places they’d gotten to guess—a pawn shop in Longport, the city he’d had to roam around on foot to study alone in the public library. Where he’d lived most of his life.

He had probably passed the building thousands of times going to the library, gone in a few hundred and asking them if he could clean for them, “Even if you only pay me a dollar.”

They’d always paid him more than a dollar.

As he approached the front door, lights on in the 24-hour, run-down little corner building, he felt a strange wave of nostalgia.

Hopefully Storm would make it easy, hiring real people to work the store while they operated below. Then again, he remembered almost every other building on this block being mentioned as well.

A bunch of apartments, he thought. Probably filled to the brim with kinetic users.

Scratch that, he knew as much. People who lived there taught him self-defense.

They didn’t need an underground hiding place, not with all of the space above ground they could use to house their agents—and prisoners. Right here, on one block. Enough of Storm’s agents must’ve still had real lives to go back to, that’s how they could stay under the radar. That meant their addresses would trace back to here, an always kinetic-dense block.

He had the excuse of personal experience on his side for this one. A guess on gut instinct.

That’s what made it easy.

Harlow opened the pawn shop’s door, bell chiming overhead. The person who usually ran the desk at night—at least back when he still homeschooled himself—emerged from the back door. Their face lit up.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite handsome little guy,” they beamed as they set down the box they held on the wooden part of the desk. “What can I do for you, Harlow?”

“I⸺” Harlow took a deep breath, looking behind himself onto the empty street. “I’m sorry. I hate, hate, hate asking you,”

“No, no, no,” they waved a hand. “Go on back there. I’m getting old anyway. I’ll take you whenever you need it. Hard to find honest work much anymore.”

“Thank you,” Harlow breathed out. “Really, you have no idea.”

“I have an inkling.”

A soft smile graced Harlow’s tired face without him even realizing.

“Go on now, you probably have commitments in the morning. Here,” they tossed Harlow one of the keys. “That one’s for the way back, got some more expensive things nobody’s dusted and whatnot for a while. You’re my saving grace, kid. That full-time is still up for grabs.”

“I’d love to, but I can’t.”

“I know, I know. You always wanted to do something bigger. The world just hasn’t let you yet.”

With a reassuring grin, Harlow enters the back, taking a heavy, long sigh once he’s out of sight of the old man. His daughter, Amy, always ran mornings. He had to be cleaning when they switched out.

He looked at the calendar they still used. They almost never had time or memory to tell each other in person when they planned to switch. It meant there was a good portion of a wall dedicated to notes they had to share with each other. He imagined if he had finished up quick and left before Amy even came, the old man would write something along the lines of Don’t worry about the missing cash, Harlow came by.

They switched out at 5 A.M.

He had four hours.

Harlow turned to the far back, his best shot at reaching whatever lay behind the outer façades of the block. It almost felt like he was being cornered.

Ironically, in the back of a corner-store pawn shop.

He had to switch the light on, looking at the assortment of jewelry, glass, porcelain, and other fragile expenses that typically had histories of getting broken by children and drunkards if kept in the main room. For everyone’s sanity, they’d been kept in the back to prevent incidents.

It brought an itching smile to his face at the simplicity of being back here, just a moment of remembrance before he had to return to looking for any sort of door.

Memory of Amy telling him not to lean on the walls kicked in. There was a uniform line in one of the walls that he had always ran his thumb over with confusion and he walked over, pressing on it first. Then trying to pry it both left and right.

He bent down to the wall trim next, trying to lift it when it budged for roughly the length of a reasonable door. Then he tried shoving it down into the floor. It caved, leaving a small crack of nothing beneath the wall it was hiding.

It allowed him to pull open the walkway, a button on the other side to bring the trim up again once inside with the door locked back in place again. That made sense. Couldn’t have someone leaning on it and it simply opening.

There was an empty lounge, a bin of black smartwatch-like wristbands under the coffee table. Harlow stuffed his Cinder sleeve into his leg bag and fit on the fingerless glove that matched the one on his other hand before swiping one to put on his wrist and another he turned off and on again—just to make sure—then off once more before stuffing into his bag as well.

Nothing else of note.

He tapped on the screen, essentially with the same mechanical use of smartwatches, and found the map option. To which it located the complex he was in before pulling up an appropriate map.

His heartrate skyrocketed. Definitely for apartments, he noted at the room numbers imprinted as he looked around for a bit from the comfort of the emptiness. And definitely for other things, too. Exterior rooms were marked with three digits, internal with four and a hyphen.

He almost felt bad for how easily the old man had practically let him back here. It felt like more than just a betrayal on his part. It felt like an invasion.

They’re just the front. They probably get shown IDs from a list of people to let in the back without question delivered by the owner, and that’s all their involvement is. That didn’t stop the feeling that Amy and the old man would both get arrested if the police uncovered something like this.

The idea of this block was risky. It felt too much like a decoy.

And maybe it was a decoy.

It was my most obvious choice, Harlow thought.

He shook it off before the thought harbored in his mind longer than it needed to. The longer he dallied, the more chances Liam would kill him later. The more chances someone would walk back looking for him just for him to not be there.

Alarm bells ringing in one building is probably an alarm for all the others.

Harlow stepped out into the halls, still lit, covered in signs, and almost completely empty. Everyone must’ve been in their rooms besides the few people who either chose to wander or were on patrol. He kept the wristband visible. In a building this large, there was no possible way to know everyone.

While poking his head through some of the glass windows along the sides of rooms to get a look at what Storm did behind their veils, someone had come up behind him.

“Lost?” the guy, in a brown trench coat, asked. He laughed to himself. Raiden would’ve called them a sort of 1950s-noir-detective-looking guy with their getup.

“New,” he replied, sure to keep his expression even.

“Mmmm,” they nod. “Wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself with everyone around peeking through windows like that. Would I be able to help you at all?”

“No. Kind of just getting a feel for the place. First-hand one, so I’m not always looking at this thing,” Harlow pointed at the wristband.

The guy chuckled, beginning to walk off. “I suppose so. I’ll leave you to it.”

A chill swept down his spine as they sauntered down the hall, leaving him instinctively following, sneaking quick glances into various labs and training rooms as he went. Just in case, he rummaged the lighter out from his pocket and quietly began burning away at the radio in their belt. The radio alone was enough of a hint he wasn’t a telepath, at the least.

There were plenty of corridors filled with office spaces connecting what was probably the two long hallways down the block, though his focus was more intent on watching as the guy entered on of the offices—probably theirs.

He leaned against a wall on his phone for a good two hours before the guy left the office, determined as they set out into the other side of the hall, opposite and parallel to the one Harlow was in. He’d been getting extremely lucky ever since he left Raiden’s apartment.

Curiosity piqued him, and he looked at the name beside the door before trying to burn it open with his lighter flame.

“Nacht Wolford,” he muttered into the silence.

He swore he recognized it from somewhere.

The fire kicked to life in his hand, thinking he’d just look in the Cinder database after a night’s rest. Harlow guided it to the little bar of metal holding the door in place, not wanting to bother with finding a keycard with access.

It pulled open to what would’ve been a typical office.

Had all the furniture not been bolted to the ceiling, a computer mouse dangling mid-air from where something held part of the cord to the desk. Still swaying, however lightly.

“What the fuck?” he wondered aloud before getting thrown into the ceiling, door slamming shut behind him as he tore his eyes to look down.

The guy, presumably Nacht, couldn’t seem to decide between a smile and anger. They walked to another wall of the room, curved around the edges and allowing them to smoothly walk until they were upside down as well, everything looking normal except for loose items hanging down and the door attached to the floor (now-ceiling).

Then the loose items, like the computer mouse, flipped to where they’d look perfectly normal.

Nacht tore the wristband off Harlow’s wrist and put a foot on top of him, inspecting it before throwing it aside, where gravity seemed to take it onto… the ceiling. Where Harlow laid like he was on the floor.

He didn’t dare say a word.

Nacht looked at him, cocking his head before reaching for where the working radio on his belt should’ve been, had a hole not been completely melted in from the bottom.

“I see,” he pondered, also throwing the broken radio aside. “Not as pathetic an attempt as I originally thought. It’s just you, then?”

The puzzled look on Harlow’s face made Nacht chuckle again. “My apologies. I thought there were more of you, so I spent a few hours on the cameras searching. But it was just you. Just you. When’s the last time Cinder raided anything mildly important with one person on the job?”

“You saw me standing there,” Harlow concluded.

“Yes,” Nacht nodded. “Yes I did.”

“Why didn’t you try to ambush me sooner?”

“If there had been more of you, it would’ve sent them all running. I had to make sure I was grabbing everyone I possibly could at once. Before I start dragging your fractured and limp body down the halls, might you humor me as to how you found me?”

Harlow considered it for a minute, watching for Nacht’s attention to drift onto something else before grabbing his lighter and whisking a flame forward.

Telekinesis snapped to attention, his hand flattening against their active floor. Lighter clattering out of reach before dropping to what was actually the floor. Nacht moved another finger and his other hand flattened down.

“Ready to answer now?”

“Simple,” Harlow reluctantly said. “Area was unnaturally dense with a kinetic-registered population.”

“How’d you get in?”

Harlow sighed, gravity of the situation finally seeming to set in.

“Come now, a telepath’s going to pick apart your brain for anything useful regardless.”

If Storm was anything like their mantra of being good people, “I’m an old regular at one of the stores. I abused someone’s trust. It’s not their fault.”

Nacht hummed, Harlow’s head the only part of his body that drooped in a manner threatening to fall back to the floor, seeming gravity of the rest pushing down harder as Nacht removed his foot. “I know it was your fault. I’ll just remind everyone not to let anyone without ID in back alone more often. This will only hurt a little.”

“What will?”

He felt the snap of the telekinesis just after the door barged open, Liam following what seemed to be the gravity of the room with loud complaint as he grabbed hold of Harlow and teleported the two out.

They both fell down onto the floor of the Cinder apartment in a less-than-polite manner, Harlow feeling especially light-headed with the sudden direction changes.

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” Liam yelled, getting up faster than Harlow did.

“I⸺” Harlow was instantly interrupted.

“No, I think I know what went through your head. You thought you could go in there without anyone noticing and come back with new information. Well guess what? I needed to get ahold of you, couldn’t find you anywhere, and had to go ask my brother to help locate you. And where were you? You were being interrogated by Cinder enemy number one, on the ceiling of his office.”

“And it could’ve worked had we sent someone else in with me. But I couldn’t ask, because you would say no.”

“It’s reckless. That’s why I said no. We had to wait.”

“I couldn’t keep waiting.”

“We had to wait, Urban. Because it was the smartest option and I wasn’t about to try and send people Storm was on an active hunt for without a fucking plan!”

“You said you would let me help find Raiden in a heartbeat. And then you didn’t. I took it into my own hands.”

“When it made sense to! You were a second away from whatever Nacht would’ve put you in, and I don’t think you fucking understand just how close you came. And now what could’ve been a meticulous Cinder raid is a mass Storm evacuation. Because you couldn’t sit still.”

“I can’t just leave Raiden to die!” Harlow put a hand in his hair, argument taking pit in his stomach. Tears threatened to spill over in a sudden bout of exasperated guilt. “I’ve killed one person I care about already, I don’t need to go slaughtering another!”

Liam opens his mouth before snapping it shut, taking a deep breath. “Storm wouldn’t have killed Raiden. Not if they thought they could attempt a trade.”

“And that’s justification for not letting me go look for Raiden?!”

“I said no, Urban!” Liam’s voice raised again. “I gave you an order, as your superior, and you defied my order. This conversation is over.”

After a long stretch of silence, Harlow walked over to the couch and sat down, looking away from Liam. Emotion had bubbled over reason again. He clutched his head, ready to throw up from yelling and having it thrown around like a ragdoll. “What were you looking for me for?”

Liam sighs, voice calming down again as well. “You’re my responsibility, you know. Nobody had seen you since you left, and whatever several-hour long video I was watching finally ended and made me realize you weren’t back yet.”

Harlow went silent, listening as Liam gathered he wouldn’t be getting any witty comeback as he walked down the hallway to his room.

“Liam,” Harlow started.

“Yeaup?”

“Thanks. For getting me out of there.”

After a few seconds, “You’re welcome.”

He stopped Liam again. “Can you at least teleport this key back to the pawn shop? The front of Storm’s crap shouldn’t suffer because of me.”

With a sigh, Liam walked back over to take the key to the back area and disappeared.

Harlow heard Liam’s bedroom door shut a few moments later as he hung his head in silence, the only sound the analogue clock’s second hand ticking on the wall.

next chapter

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yet another title stolen from entry point

[hypaalicious]

When I say I’m obsessed with Arknights, this is what I mean

[spencers-renaissance]

dry me off and hold me close

Summary: Derek has finally relented and is bringing his boyfriend Spencer to meet the rest of the team. That means, though, he has to finally tell them about his boyfriend's disability. Terrified that they'll react badly, he puts it off until he can't anymore. Turns out he was worried for nothing.

Tags: so much fluff, protective derek, disabled spencer, caretaker derek, au: spencer is not in the bau, team as family, hurt/comfort, light angst, est. rel, day to day disabled life, physical disability/chronic illness

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 5.7k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Hello! I am nervous to share this one, I won't lie. It's incredibly personal. It was a pain in the arse to write but I love how it turned out and I hope you do, too. Just a note: this may be triggering for some people - there is description of nausea and severe chronic pain, as well as frequent references to ableism towards wheelchair users.

As soon as Rossi brings up the prospect of a fully-catered family dinner at his ‘mansion’ this weekend, Derek’s heart sinks. They’re on their way home from a pretty gruelling case and it’s well-deserved of course, but he knows what comes next, knows what question will be asked of him, and he’s dreading it. There’s only so long he can go on avoiding answering. 

“Please tell me you’ll finally let us meet Spencer, Derek,” JJ asks, levelling him with a look to rival one of Penelope’s. “At this point I’m starting to think you’ve made him up.” 

Spencer is very real. He’s a very real, very sexy, very intelligent man who Derek has no doubt would get on brilliantly with the team. But Spencer also happens to be disabled. And while his boyfriend has had decades to get to terms with broaching such a sensitive, taboo topic, Derek has not. He’s far from ashamed of Spencer — that’s not it at all — he’s just so protective of him, and the idea of others being touchy or patronising or outright rude around him is an idea he’s never been able to get used to, no matter how many times he’s witnessed it.

Derek’s laugh is strained as he rubs his face awkwardly, trying to find the words to politely decline, but the others are pouncing on him before he can speak. 

“You’ve put it off enough times now, Morgan,” Emily says, siding with JJ. “If he’s even half of what you say he is then we’ll love him. Just bring him along. Rossi doesn’t mind.”

“Oh no, I’m dying to meet the man who could finally tie Derek Morgan, ladies man extraordinaire, down,” Rossi chimes in.

“He definitely sounds like my kind of guy,” Alex agrees. “I’m impressed you managed to land such an educated man, Derek.”

He looks sort of desperately towards Hotch who raises his hands guiltily. “I would actually like to meet him, too, Morgan,” he says reluctantly, a rare smile playing across his face.

Derek groans and throws his head back against his plane seat. He can only be glad Penelope isn’t on the flight because she’d be absolutely relentless in such a conversation. 

As hesitant as he is to let his team in, maybe it is time to finally get over himself and bring Spencer to meet them. After all, none of them have ever given him actual cause to be so nervous, and he knows they’d all inevitably fall in love with him almost as quickly as Derek did, so really it’s his own fears and fierce protective instincts keeping Spencer away from his second family. 

“Fine,” he relents, anxious butterflies not easing. “He’s home this weekend, and apart from planning lectures I think he’s free, so I’ll ask him. But I can only promise to ask, I won’t promise he’ll agree.” It’s a pointless caveat; Spencer’s been bugging him to meet the team almost as long as they’ve been bugging him to meet Spencer, he’ll jump at the chance to go to dinner with them. 

“Finally,” JJ groans, pretending to collapse against Emily in relief, who giggles fondly at her antics.

“I’m sure we’ll love him, Derek,” Rossi says reassuringly, a proud fatherly look on his face that has his chest clenching painfully. 

As everyone settles down, his stomach churns anxiously as he stares back out of the jet window. He knows everyone will love Spencer; he just doesn’t know how to tell them what to expect. What if Spencer has a fainting episode or gets nauseous at dinner time? What if he can’t keep his energy up or is too photosensitive to have the lights on? What if meeting that many people at once overwhelms him? Spencer always tells him he worries too much, but he can’t help it — not when the love of his life is involved. 

He’s brought out of his nervous stewing by Hotch. “You know, Morgan, if you really don’t want to bring Spencer, you don’t have to,” he says softly, making him look up to see everyone staring at him guiltily. 

“We didn’t mean to pressure you,” JJ says hesitantly, and the others agree, all clearly having noticed his pensive expression.

He forces himself to take a calming breath and bite the damn bullet already. Spencer would be rolling his eyes at him. “Okay. There’s something I haven’t told you,” he starts carefully. He hasn’t had to introduce the concept of Spencer’s disability to anybody since he told his family. “Spencer is disabled. He has a chronic condition that impairs his mobility along with bringing a whole host of other symptoms, and while he’s had it for most of his adult life, I’m still not used to broaching the topic and I didn’t know how you would react. He already experienced enough difficulties in life, he doesn’t need my co-workers, hypothetically, being patronising or weird about it. So, I put it off.”

It feels like a weight off his chest once it’s out in the air, but the surprised looks on his team’s face make him briefly wonder whether telling them was a mistake after all. “Spencer will really look forward to coming though,” he rushes to continue. “He’s on his own a lot of the time and struggles to make it out of the house except for work if I’m not there, so he can feel quite isolated. It will be nice for him to spend time with other people, and finally meet you guys.”

By the time he’s finished speaking, everyone seems to have mostly recovered from their immediate shock, and look relaxed and intrigued again — far more appreciated expressions on Derek’s end. 

“Well,” Rossi starts, and he feels like holding his breath in anticipation, “will he need any accommodations?” Relief spreads warm and thick across Derek’s chest as he feels himself physically relax. Of course immediate support would be the response from his team; he was stupid to think otherwise. 

“His mobility fluctuates daily. Sometimes he can walk small distances okay, other times — and more frequently — he needs aids like forearm crutches or his wheelchair. Can I text you on the day and let you know?”

“Of course,” Rossi promises, a warm smile on his face, “whatever you and Spencer need.”

“There is one more thing, if Spencer’s coming it will need to be earlier in the evening… think more six rather than eight. He’ll be too exhausted later in the evening and he needs to be home early to get the amount of sleep he needs.”

“That’s fine,” Rossi agrees immediately, “six it is.”

“Sorry for pressuring you, Derek,” JJ says, tilting her head as she looks across the table at him. “But we’ll love Spencer, this won’t change anything.”

“Yeah, fuck you for thinking we’d be assholes about it,” Emily chuckles, punching him softly in the arm. 

Derek grins at her before shaking his head. “I’m just too protective of him,” he explains a little guiltily. “He thinks it’s ridiculous but I can’t help it. We’ve been together nearly five years now and I’ve seen the things he has to go through, professionally and in his day to day life. I just saw an area for potential harm, no matter how slim the chances, and immediately bricked it up in my mind. It’s hard to tear walls down like that.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” Alex says in her signature gentle tone, smiling at him.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Hotch agrees and Derek gives them all another quick smile before they settle in for the rest of the flight. 

It’s late by the time Derek unlocks the door to his and Spencer’s home and he knows his boyfriend will already be in bed. It had been a weird adjustment when they’d first started dating, Spencer having to be home by 10pm so Spencer could get at least nine hours of sleep, topped up by regular naps during the day. Now though, he’s completely used to operating around Spencer’s sleep schedule; it’s just routine. 

He makes his way through the house quietly, toeing his shoes off and shedding his coat before dumping his bag in the living room and padding up the stairs. The house is dark but their room is dimly lit by Spencer’s night lamps, there to ease him off to sleep and keep him company when bouts of painful insomnia torment him. There was a time Derek used to mind, but those days seem so long ago now. He climbs carefully onto the mattress, taking off his trousers and socks but not bothering to change into anything new.

As gentle as he is with his movement, Spencer still stirs beside him. “Derek?” He blinks sleepily over at him in the soft light of the bedroom and Derek immediately scoots over and wraps him in a hug. It might be gone midnight but he misses Spencer like crazy when he’s away and physical contact is very much essential business right now.

“Yeah, baby,” he whispers as he relishes the feeling of Spencer’s small frame against his own. “Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s okay. Just glad you’re home. Missed you.”

“I promise I missed you more,” Derek murmurs as the warmth of the room and comforting presence of his boyfriend wrapped around him finally break down the walls he’s been holding back the sleepiness working a 5 day case inevitably brings. 

“Make me pancakes in the morning?” 

Spencer doesn’t need to ask, it’s a tradition for Derek to make pancakes for breakfast the day he gets back from the case, but it makes him smile anyway. “Anything for you, baby boy,” he yawns. “Go back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

⭐️

Derek waits until dinner the next evening to bring up the subject of the dinner party. It’s just a simple takeaway on the sofa of the house Derek had renovated for them, but even five years into their relationship, every moment shared with Spencer feels like a date. 

“How would you feel about going to a dinner party with the team?” Derek asks when there’s a lull in their conversation. Spencer’s just finished explaining a complicated debate he’s having with one of his colleagues about kinetic particle theory and Derek has no idea how to respond. Moments like these used to make him feel stupid and inadequete when they first got together, but now he just stares fondly at his genius boyfriend and wonders how on earth he got so lucky. 

Spencer lowers his fork. They’re eating chinese but he still hasn’t mastered chopsticks, and it never fails to make Derek smile. “Are you serious?” he says, an excited grin spreading across his face.

“I am.” He quirks an amused eyebrow as he takes in Spencer’s eager expression. God, he’s so fucking in love.

“Well obviously I want to go,” he giggles, “you know that. When is it?”

“Saturday.”

Spencer just launches himself into Derek’s lap in lieu of response, not that he has far to move on their cosy sofa, slotting himself against his body as they melt into one another. “Thank you for finally getting over yourself,” he says with his face buried in Derek’s neck.

Derek’s responding laugh jostles both of them as he wraps his arms around Spencer’s small frame, loving the way he fits in the palms of his hands. “I’m sorry it took me so long, baby,” he says, tone transitioning into sincerity. “But they can’t wait to meet you, and you’re going to love them.”

“I know,” Spencer says drily, pulling back to look him in his eyes. “Why do you think I’ve been pushing to meet them for the last five years?”

Derek answers with a squeeze to Spencer’s waist and a kiss to his shoulder. “Go on,” he says, lifting him off his lap to sit on the sofa next to him. “Finish your dinner.” 

“Mm, I think I’ve had enough,” Spencer hums nonchalantly, busying himself with putting the carton on the coffee table as if Derek doesn’t know him like the back of his hands. 

“This is your favourite dish from your favourite Chinese and you’re expecting me to believe you’ve just had enough,” he says, raising an eyebrow. “What’s wrong, pretty boy?”

“Nothing,” Spencer says, but he sounds winded and Derek isn’t stupid. He levels him with a look. “Okay… I just feel a bit sick is all.”

“Floor, sofa, or bed?” He’s aware of the nausea protocol, and he moves his own dinner aside as he springs into action. 

“Floor.” He’d been surprised the first time his boyfriend had crawled onto the floor and lay curled up until the nausea passed, but it was second-nature now. Apparently, the flat, firm surface was the most comfortable when such intense sickness consumed him.

“Okay, baby, let’s go.” He gently lifts Spencer off the sofa and down onto the floor, taking care not to jostle him too much. His eyes stay closed, face screwed up as he tries to weather the waves of nausea crashing over him. It never fails to make Derek’s heart twist in pain. “Are you actually going to be sick?” The majority of nausea spells usually pass on their own with no vomit to speak of, and Spencer’s usually very good at telling which kind it is.

“No,” he whispers, reaching his hand slowly towards Derek’s and gripping it tightly. He gets the message and lays down next to him, stroking his hair softly as they wait in silence for Spencer’s body to right itself. It only takes about twenty minutes to pass, and when it does, Derek carries him to bed, bringing him his toothbrush and a flannel as they follow another of their set routines that have been established over so many years of being together. 

“I love you so much, Spencer Reid,” Derek murmurs as they lay in bed together that night, the soft light of their bedroom catching on Spencer’s cheekbones.

“I love you more, Derek Morgan,” Spencer whispers back, voice slurred as he cuddles further into the arms of his boyfriend. 

“Not possible,” Derek insists, but Spencer’s already dropping off to sleep. 

⭐️

Spencer wakes up on the day of the dinner party in what Derek can clearly see is nothing short of agony. He doesn’t try to hide it, they’re mostly past that now — although he still sometimes convinces himself he can handle smaller symptoms by himself, no matter how many times Derek insists they’re a team — but he doesn’t say much either. The morning is spent on the sofa, using numerous heated blankets and painkiller combinations until he can at least think straight. 

“How do you feel about this evening?” Derek asks as lunchtime approaches, rubbing Spencer’s good arm gently as he leans against him, legs outstretched on the chaise. 

Spencer hums. “I’m gonna take a nap after lunch,” he decides after a moment of deliberation, “and then decide. I think with meds and the wheelchair, I’ll be okay.” He pauses for a moment as he nibbles nervously on his bottom lip. “Do you think they’ll be weird about the chair?”

“No, baby,” Derek says decisively. Really, he can’t believe he ever thought anything different, but he was scared and fear easily spirals into irrationality. “They won’t even blink. Especially since I warned them about the mobility aids. I think they’d be more surprised if you walked into the Rossi mansion.”

“You sure?”

It hurts Derek’s heart to hear him so anxious and uncertain, and it’s only more painful because he knows it's rooted in experience. He’s had to fight for most of his life to be seen as a competent adult, equal to his peers despite his disability, and people can be cruel. “I’m sure. And even if for some reason they were dicks about it, I’m there, okay? Nobody’s gonna get away with being anything other than an angel towards you when I’m around.”

Spencer giggles at that, turning his head into Derek’s chest. “You turn into the hulk when you’re protecting me.” 

“I do,” he agrees, chuckling at the sound of Spencer’s adorable laugh, “and for good reason. No-one hurts my baby. You know that, and everyone else knows it, too. We’re gonna be just fine, pretty boy.”

Spencer sighs, reassured by Derek’s words. “Love you,” he whispers, twisting a bit to press a kiss to the side of Derek’s neck. 

“I love you more,” Derek promises, lifting a hand to rest on Spencer’s cheek.

“Not possible.”

The rest of the day passes slowly as Spencer takes it easy, deciding that he’s definitely up to it after a decent nap curled up against a reading Derek. They get ready together, Derek helping him shower when his arms hurt too much to wash his hair and getting him dressed in his favourite outfit before dressing himself. 

By the time six thirty rolls around, Spencer’s feeling a little bit better, his meds are hitting the spot and they’ve mastered all the wheelchair adaptations to make his life as easy as possible over the years. His cushions and heated seats connected to the wheelchair’s motor, which he uses to help self-propell at work, ease the pain as much as they can and the built in phone charger always makes him popular whenever they go out with friends. Plus, his cane and crutches connect neatly to the back of the chair, giving him more options, which is especially helpful on nights like this. 

“Comfy?” Derek asks as he pushes him out of the apartment and into the hallway, locking the door behind them. 

Spencer hums in affirmation, wiggling a little as he settles into the warm support of the chair. They have a ground floor apartment for safety reasons: Spencer needs to be able to exit the building if the lifts stop working, but it’s also convenient. They get down to the garage quickly and Derek helps him into the passenger seat before packing the wheelchair in the boot.

He spends the journey in contemplative silence and Derek can’t keep himself from shooting worried looks his way. His hand makes its way onto Spencer’s knee and he rubs his thumb gently against the skin, before stilling the digit, all too conscious of how painful repetitive stimulus can be, especially on days like these. 

“Stop worrying, baby,” he says, ten minutes into the drive when Spencer still hasn’t said a word. His bottom lip is chapped from the worried chewing it has endured for most of the day. “They’re going to love you, I promise.” 

“You really think so?” 

Derek’s about to answer quickly but he looks over and sees how absolutely dead serious Spencer is. He sighs. “Let me tell you exactly why. Alex is a fellow academic with the softest streak of anyone in the BAU field team. Emily and JJ have the ability to befriend literally anyone, and Penelope already is in love with you, just from what I’ve said about you. She’s told me so multiple times. Rossi immediately accommodated you and wasn’t at all fazed when I mentioned your disability. Hotch is a gentle fatherly type when he’s talking to good people and the rest of the team, so he’ll just be interested in you as a person. There’s no-one I’m worried about, okay?”

“Okay,” Spencer whispers eventually, finally sounding like he actually believes him. 

“Besides, you’ve already got one member of this team whipped,” Derek smirks, glancing over at him again. 

He considers it a win when Spencer rolls his eyes, and his grin couldn’t be wider when he hears him mumble, “arrogant asshole” under his breath.

Derek’s grateful Rossi doesn’t have a gravel driveway as he gets Spencer out of the car and into his wheelchair, before pushing him the short way to the front door. They’d battled some tough terrain over the years, and gravel was absolutely his least favourite. As they approach the house, though, he notices that Spencer’s grip on his armrest is tight enough that his knuckles are white, and it hurts Derek’s heart that he’s only this nervous because real people and real experiences have given him genuine reason to be. 

Before he gets to knock, though, the door is thrown open by an uncontainably excited Penelope. “You’re here!” she shouts, and completely bypasses Derek to shake Spencer’s hand. He’s glad she doesn’t crouch, just leans down a little so he doesn't have to reach up so far. “You must be Spencer. I’m Penelope. It is a crime that Derek has kept us apart for so long, but none of that matters now. Would you like me to push you in through to meet the others?”

“Um, it’s nice to finally meet you, Penelope,” he says, smiling at her genuinely. “Would you mind if Derek keeps pushing me, though?”

“Oh, no, that’s fine!” Her smile doesn’t drop a bit. “Come through, everyone’s already in the living room. Oh, and hi Chocolate Thunder.” She sends him a quick wink. 

“Hi, Mama,” he says, rolling his eyes. He’s grinning, though. So far, so good. 

They follow Penelope further into the house after Derek closes the door behind them, and the girls get up first. “Spencer, oh it’s so good to meet you,” Emily says, coming up and shaking his hand. “I’m Emily, this is JJ.”

“Hi,” JJ says, shaking his hand too, giving him a conspiratorial look. “I’m glad we finally bullied Derek into bringing his oh-so-secret beau to meet us.” 

Derek just grins. “What can I say? I’m protective of my baby.” He reaches down and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. 

“Ignore this caveman,” Spencer laughs, and Derek is sure he rolls his eyes again. “I’ve been dying to meet you all, too.”

“Well, it’s our pleasure,” Alex says, coming up for her turn. “I’m Alex. Your paper ‘How Thinking Makes Us Write’ you published a couple of years ago is incredible; I used it in my Psychology of Writing class last year and only just realised it was written by Derek’s top-secret boyfriend! I’d love to talk to you more about that later.”

“That’s so cool, wow, yeah I’d love that.” He smiles at her, clearly feeling a little flattered by the immediate praise of his work. Derek thinks it’s the least he deserves.

“I’m Aaron, but everyone calls me Hotch,” Hotch says as he and Rossi step forward, a warm smile on his face. “Sorry to overwhelm you with all these introductions, but it’s lovely to meet you. It really is a shame Derek’s been so secretive.” 

Spencer smiles up at him. “Are we all going to dunk on Derek all night? Because if that’s the case, I’m glad I came,” he laughs, twisting around slightly to look at Derek. 

“Yeah, yeah, keep talking, pretty boy,” he says, raising a brow. “Two can play at that game.”

“You’re too whipped, I’m not worried,” Spencer dismisses him, before touching his hand lovingly, letting him know that he’s only teasing. 

“I don’t doubt it,” Rossi says. “I’m Dave, or Rossi, whichever you prefer. I actually own this house, despite being the last in line for a formal introduction. I’m sorry I didn’t greet you at the door, Penelope had been waiting on the stairs for half an hour so she could be the first to greet you.”

“That true, baby girl?” Derek chuckles, looking over at her. 

She doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed, but then Derek doesn’t know what else he expected. “This is on you,” she defends herself, “if you hadn’t waited so long to introduce me to baby genius here, I wouldn’t have been so desperate to meet him.” 

Spencer laughs at their interaction, turning his attention back to Rossi. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says. “Derek told me you were really accommodating, so thank you for that.”

He waves the thanks aside with a dismissive hand. “It’s nothing. Speaking of which, though, would you rather eat in your wheelchair or transfer to one of the dining chairs.”

Derek knows what’s about to happen even before he sees Spencer tense up. “Give us one second,” he says, wheeling him out into the hallway. Decisions are really hard for Spencer to make on bad days, especially those that pertain to his health or needs, and being under the eyes of so many people was not about to make that an easy interaction.

“Derek…” Spencer says anxiously, looking at him for help as he feels his mind spiral into fogginess at the question. 

“Okay, it’s okay, baby,” he says soothingly, crouching down in front of him to be at eye level. He takes his hand and kisses it gently. “Do your hips need a break from the chair or would it be more painful to transfer?” 

Phrasing questions like Rossi’s as directly applicable choices is always more digestible for Spencer and he sees him visibly relax at his words. “Hips need a break.”

“Great,” Derek says. “Do you want to go back in or do you need a minute to yourself?”

“No, I’m fine,” Spencer says, and he believes him. He instantly relaxed at having made a decision. “Let’s go back in.”

“As you wish, sweetheart.”

They walk back into a room full of vibrant conversation and laughter. “Oh, Spencer, Spencer,” Emily says, immediately roping him back into the conversation without making a big deal of him having to leave the room, “we’re debating whether Derek’s really the slob Alex insists he is. You need to help us settle it.”

“I shared a room with him once, okay,” she says, “it was a state!”

“I don’t doubt it,” Spencer agrees. “At home, he’s so anal about ‘everything in it’s place’ and won’t even let a mug sit on the counter without being washed up. But whenever we go away, he can’t keep the place clean, it’s the weirdest thing. It’s like his suitcase vomits its contents all over the room.”

“Hey, I didn’t know this dinner was gonna be all about airing my dirty laundry,” Derek laughs.

“Literally,” JJ points out.

“Right,” Rossi says, interrupting the laughter filling the room. “Dinner is ready, so we should eat. Did you come to a decision about seating, Spencer?” Derek’s impressed at how much he knows about accommodating disabilities. He probably has someone close to him who’s been through something similar to Spencer.

“I’ll transfer,” he confirms.

“Great, we can just move your wheelchair to the hall once you’re settled so it’s not in the way, if that’s okay?”

At Spencer’s nod, they all file into the kitchen/dining area and choose their places. Penelope bags the seat to Spencer’s left, Derek sitting to his right, as the other girls sit opposite them. Hotch and Rossi sit at Derek's end of the table. He holds hands with Spencer under the table all through the delicious pasta primavera, helping to ground him, reminding him he’s right there. 

Conversation and laughter flows with the wine Rossi serves, and Derek doesn’t even mind his embarrassing stories being shared with the team, because it’s Spencer, and he’s so far gone for this man that he could slice him open and with his dying breath, Derek would thank him. 

“I love you, really,” Spencer grins up at him, after he’s just revealed his Nina Simone shower concerts to everyone sitting around the table, everyone cracking up as the tough exterior Derek’s built up at work over the years slowly disintegrates, his own boyfriend fuelling the fire. 

“And I love you, baby,” he says, leaning over to kiss him briefly, before pulling back. “Even when you spill my deepest darkest secrets.”

“Well, aren’t you two just the cutest,” Alex says fondly. “You’re a lucky man, Derek.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” Spencer insists. “Do you know what he said when we first met? We were at the supermarket, and I was reaching for some baby carrots. He said ‘whoa, pretty boy, don’t get those ones. They go off far too quickly. Someone as beautiful as you deserves better than that’. No mention of the wheelchair or bags under my eyes. He didn’t see Disabled Spencer, he just saw Spencer. Asked for my number then and there.”

“You were irresistible,” Derek says fondly, brushing a thumb against his cheek. “I knew right at that moment I would spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“Stop,” Penelope begs, “my heart is literally a puddle on the floor. This world needs more Derek Morgans.”

“I’ll toast to that,” JJ says, her face just as soft as Penelope’s. 

“A real toast,” Hotch says, raising his glass with a happy smile on his face. Derek very rarely sees such a relaxed expression on his face, and as much as they have their disagreements, it’s a nice thing to see. “A toast to Derek and Spencer. May your happiness live long and be as contagious as it is tonight.”

Everyone toasts to his words, and Spencer buries his face in Derek’s shoulder, a little embarrassed at the attention. They sit around the table a little longer, but Spencer slowly sags against his body, finding it painful to keep himself upright. 

Noticing this, Penelope claps her hands. “Shall we move back to the living room? I bought chocolate and Rossi has wine.”

“This is true,” Rossi says as they all get up. He grabs Spencer’s wheelchair from the hall and Derek helps him back into it as they head back to the sofas.

“It’s weird using my chair inside,” Spencer laughs as Derek pulls him into his chest so he doesn’t have to keep himself steady upright, everyone else settling themselves around the room.

“Do you not need it often?” Hotch asks. 

“No, I need it quite a lot. I just don’t usually have to. Derek’s usually fairly insistent on carrying me around our apartment.”

“We’ll never live in a big house,” Derek says, chuckling along with anyone else. “I couldn’t haul this big lug around a Rossi mansion, now could I?”

“Hey!” Spencer smacks his side lightly. 

“You’re 6 foot tall, baby,” Derek defends himself. “You might be tiny but there’s still a lot of you.”

“Fair enough,” Spencer acquiesces, laying his head just under Derek’s chin. 

“Right,” Rossi says, coming back into the room, “I have more of your non-alcoholic wine, Spencer, and more of the real stuff for everyone else. Hand out the chocolates, Penelope, and we’ll have ourselves some satisfied guests.”

“I don’t live here, old man,” Penelope says, raising an eyebrow but getting up from her seat cuddled against Emily and JJ anyway. 

“Hey, you answered the door to pretty much everyone today; you’re co-hosting.”

“Can’t argue with that, Penelope,” Emily says drily, looking on amusedly as she huffs but hands out the chocolates anyway.

Derek discreetly pops two painkillers out in his pocket and hands it to Spencer, who swallows them down with a sip of his non-alcoholic wine, relaxing as they start to take effect. They all chat leisurely for a while, enjoying each other’s company in a non-pressured environment where they’re not surrounded by high profile cases and serial killers. 

Eventually, though, Spencer starts to fall asleep on his chest, clearly feeling relaxed enough in the warm room, pressed up against his boyfriend and surrounded by the reassuring conversation of people he trusts. As soon as Derek notices, though, he knows it’s time to get him home and into bed before any true crisis of pain or fatigue takes place. 

“I think we’ll need to get going, guys,” he says quietly, drawing everyone’s attention to Spencer’s dozing form. He watches as their faces soften and conversation quietens, everyone clearly enamoured with his boyfriend. It occurs to him that he feels no jealousy, only pride that he gets to call this wonderful man his, that he’ll be going home with him tonight, tucking him into bed and cuddling him until he falls asleep. 

He shakes Spencer gently, and the others start to get up, tidying or just moving through to the kitchen so as not to embarrass him when he opens his eyes. “Sorry,” he murmurs sleepily, as he looks up at Derek. “I’m tired.”

“I know, baby,” he says softly, feeling so fond his heart could burst. “Let’s get you home, yeah?”

Everyone’s sad to see him go, gathering at the front door to say their goodbyes. 

“You are invited to every BAU event from hereon in,” Penelope asserts confidently as she leans down for a gentle hug. She whispers, “you’re better company than Derek, anyway.”

“I heard that, Mama,” he says, poking her in the side.

“You were meant to,” she says, sending him a pointed look, before dropping the act and wrapping him in a hug as the others say goodbye to Spencer. 

“It was so nice to finally meet you, Spencer,” Hotch says warmly. “Derek had better not keep us from seeing anymore of you.”

“I’m not sure I could possibly get away with that anymore,” he sighs. “Guess I’ll have to share my baby with you assholes.”

Spencer rolls his eyes at that, stifling a yawn. “Come on, caveman,” he says, rolling his eyes again. “I need to get home.”

“Anything for you, my highness,” he chuckles, before lifting his chin with his knuckle and bending down to kiss him briefly. 

“Bye, lovebirds,” Emily calls as they make their way to their car.

“Drive safely,” JJ shouts, which makes Derek laugh fondly. He does love his team.

“See you on Monday,” he calls back as he helps Spencer into the passenger seat. They drive home in the comforting darkness of night, illuminated by the car and street lights of the city, and satisfaction pools in his stomach as he reflects on such a perfect evening as Spencer falls asleep against the passenger window. It really couldn’t have gone any better, and the relief he feels is staggering: the two most important facets of his life finally integrated after far too long.

While his whole life feels like it’s finally falling into place, all that really matters is that the man who is his entire world is happy, a small smile on his sleeping face as the shadows of the city brush their way over his cheekbones. He has to force his eyes back to the road, but he can’t resist the hand he slips into Spencer’s, or the smile that lights up his face as even in his sleep, Spencer’s fingers curl themselves around his.

Spencer's symptoms in this fic could fit any number of neurological conditions, but his unnamed condition was modelled on my own experience with fibromyalgia. I have a rather severe case, as would Spencer if he was diagnosed with this illness. The symptoms could also fit these conditions in one way or another: Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.), Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis or Axial Spondyloarthritis, as well as others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

Everything about Spencer’s disability is true to the chronically ill/disabled experience as I know it, and to learn more please visit the end notes on AO3 where I explain in a little more detail some of the features of Spencer’s symptoms and condition.

<333

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @hotchgans @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith

[bbrandy2002]

Little Shit:

Part 1: Wrapped Around A Finger

This is for week 96 of @wackydrabbles prompt: I can't -- I have a deadline. Prompt will be in bold.

Okay, so I couldnt fit all of this into the 2000 word limit and had to break it up and didn't have the heart to cut.

@kingliam2019​ you made a request for a Little Shit story on New Year’s Eve and it only took 5 months to come up with something, so this one is for you.

If you're unfamiliar with the Little Shit series (because it has been over a year since I wrote anything for it) Nikolas is Liam and Riley's 5 year old mischievous son who just can't help from wreaking havoc, especially toward Drake. He enjoys getting a rise out of him even if he does love his Uncle ... for the most part.

Warning: Crude Language. Mention of Covid and vaccinations.

Word count: 1928

-----------------------

Returning from the stables one afternoon, Drake was stopped at the palace door by security -- again -- for not wearing the required mask to enter.

“Mr. Walker, I’m afraid you need to have a mask on before I can allow you inside. I have to tell you this every day.”

“That because I fucking live here,” Drake grumbled as he snagged the offered surgical mask from the guard. 

“Not in the common areas, Mr. Walker.”

“You know this whole virus thing is just a conspiracy and Liam is using it to control all of us, right? He’s gone mad. This shit’s never gonna end.”

“I understand, sir.” The guard waited patiently as Drake begrudgingly slipped the mask over his face. “Perhaps, though, there is an alternative, one where you wouldn’t have to wear one anymore. They’re offering free vaccines in room 105 today. If you get the shot, you won’t need to wear a mask when you come inside,” the guard cajoled.

Drake let out a humorless laugh.“I’m sure that’s exactly what Liam wants: make a guinea pig out of me. Pump me full of that radioactive shit and in five years I’ll have a tail growing out of my face. No thanks.” Drake disregarded the information and moved past the man.

“But, sir .. .they’re giving away bottles of whiskey to the first 100 recipients. Last I heard, they were close to reaching that number. Top of the line stuff too.”

Drake turned on the heel of his work boots, glaring back, before asking skeptically. “Whiskey? They’re giving away alcohol to get this damn shot?” The guard nodded in response.

“Glenfiddich -- 1955, I believe. The King paid for it himself.”

Drake’s eyes widened in disbelief. “That’s a $90,000 bottle! And they’re just giving them away if you get this shot?”

“I … um … yes. His Majesty wants to reward those who are doing their part to create a healthier and safer Cordonia. He won’t rest until every last citizen is vaccinated from this dreaded virus. We can all fight this … together. What do you say, Mr. Walker? Will you help stop the spread?”

“For a $90,000 bottle of whiskey? Hell yeah! I’ll grow two tails out my heads for -- hold on a damn minute …” Drake burrowed his eyes into the guard who was sweating bullets, desperate for him to leave. “Where the hell is Nikolas at? This whole thing reeks of him..” Drake’s eyes began darting around the perimeter in a feverish search for the little prince’s battery operated car. “That little shit is blackmailing you, isn’t he? I should have known.”

The guard straightened and answered in a solemn tone, “I’m a serious professional, Mr. Walker. And I take your accusations of being anything but, demeaning to the loyalty and oath I’ve given to the Crown. How dare you stand there --”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise.” Drake ran a hand down his weary face in frustration. “It’s just that kid is the bane of my existence. I’ve had a long, hard day at work and I’m in no mood for his fucking stunts.”

The guard waved him off. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I’ve heard all about the stuff he’s pulled on you.” He leaned in closer and spoke in a hushed tone, “Between you and me, he’s a little pain in my ass too; always coming down here acting like he runs this place. If you ever need help teaching that kid a lesson, I’d be happy to help.”

Drake arched a brow. “Loyalty to the crown, huh?” The man regarded that retort with an awkward shrug. “Yeah, he needs his ass busted, that’s for sure. Liam thinks he just needs a little more love. I’d like to show him the Bianca F. Walker way of love.” He slammed his hands together.

The guard chuckled. “I’m with you on that. He needs something done; he’s out of control … Anyway, you should probably head on up there and get your shot -- and whiskey -- before they’re all out. I wish I’d have waited to get mine until today.”

Twisting his face in doubt, Drake walked around the corner and leaned up against the wall as he pulled out his phone. Something just didn’t feel right, and he determined the safest thing to do was shoot off a quick text to his best friend.

Drake: Liam, are you really giving away Glenfiddich, 1955, to get the Covid vaccine?

He waited a brief moment until a response came through; he looked down at his phone and read:

Liam: Yes.

Drake: Is that all you have to say about that?

Liam: Yes.

Liam: I am in meeting for Cordonia.

Drake tilted his head to the side and scratched at it as he stared at the odd message. He typed out another response.

Drake: What kind of meeting for Cordonia? And with who?

Liam: Top secret. Can't tell you.

Drake: Uh-huh. Where’s Nikolas?

Liam: With Riley and baby in Vallteria

Liam: Shit. Valtoria

Drake: What’s the capital of the United States?

Liam: Damn it Drake I’m in a meeting!

Drake: Then hurry up and answer

Liam: Washington D.C.

Drake: Who shot me at the costume ball?

Liam: You son of a bitch. IM IN A MEETING!

Drake let out a heavy groan and decided to just call Riley. He knew without a doubt Nikolas took Liam’s phone again. If he called Riley, though, there was no way the boy could pretend he was her.

Picking up almost instantly, Riley answered cheerfully, “Hello. Queen Riley speaking.”

“Riley, it’s Drake. I was just wondering if you and Liam were really giving away whiskey for getting this shot? Sounds a little fishy to me.”

There was a moment of silence, then a clicking noise, followed by a long beep, before Riley replied. “Yes. We. Are. Giving. Away …. Whiskey. Get.The.Shot.Drake.”

“The hell is wrong with your voice?”

“I.Am.In.Valtoria.”

“Riley, why the fuck are you enunciating every word?”

“I. Have. A. Cold. And. Must.Talk.Slow. Nikolas.Is.With.Me. And. I. Must. Get ... Going. Bye. Drake ...You. Ass. Hole.” 

Drake rolled his eyes and slipped the phone in his back pocket. “He’s got her phone, too. Damn that evil-ass kid.” He hesitantly made his way down to room 105; it wouldn’t hurt anything just to open the door and see if there was anything legit about this. As he approached, a lovely lady he knew from the kitchen exited with a big smile on her aging face and a bottle she cradled in her arms; he recognized it almost instantly as the Glenfiddich.

“Miss Milly,” Drake greeting kindly and held the door open for her. “You’re looking as lovely as ever.”

“Oh, you.” She laughed bashfully in her grandmotherly voice as she stepped into the corridor. “You’re always flirting with me, Drake. One of these days, I’m going to make you take me out on a date, buy me dinner, and give me a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.” 

Drake smiled back fondly at her. “You just tell me when, Miss Milly, and I’m there.” He motioned to the bottle in her hand. “Say … couldn’t help but notice that bottle of whiskey you’re carrying around; where’d you get that at? That brand doesn’t come cheap.”

“Ohhh, I know. But I heard they were giving shots in that room right there.” She pointed with a crooked finger. “And they said I was the 99th person to stop by, and gave this to me after getting my shot. I couldn’t believe my luck. And they only have one bottle left. I can finally put my grandson through college.” 

“That’s great! And you said there is still one more bottle left?”

She nodded her head. “Yes. But you better hurry. One of the chefs is on his way here for a shot as well.”

Drake hurriedly kissed her on the cheek and opened the door. Thank you, Miss Milly!” He stepped inside, then stopped and whipped his head back out the door. “Milly, wait. Have you seen Prince Nikolas today?”

“Yes, he left with the Queen after breakfast this morning. I believe they mentioned going to Valtoria.”

Drake rubbed his hands together anxiously and thanked her. He’d known the cook for years, she’s the sweetest person he knew. There was no way she would cover for Nikolas, and Drake couldn’t imagine the boy would have any dirt to hold over her head.

When the door shut, Nikolas grinned mischievously from a dark alcove where he was parked in his black 12V Mercedes Benz S63. “This is the day I’ve been waiting for.”

He set his laptop and both parents' phones in the passenger seat and slowly pulled out. He paid $100 to Milly and asked her to put the bottle back in his father’s liquor cabinet and rolled a few paces to room 105.

======

After filling out medical forms, the palace doctor ushered Drake behind a curtain where a long rectangular table and folding chair sat. Taking the seat, Drake watched the doctor slip on a pair of gloves and pull a small tube of lube out of his lab coat pocket. Drake furrowed his brows in confusion. “Heh. What’s the lube for?” he chuckled lightly. “I’m just here for a shot, man. Nothing else is going in me.”

“Just relax, Mr. Walker. It’s all part of the process.” A squirt of clear liquid was squeezed onto the doctor's two gloved fingers as he held them up. “On your medical forms you denied having a physical exam in the past year. I just need to do a quick exam and check for rectal polyps.”

Drake started laughing in amusement, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’ve got to be shittin' me. So let me get this straight. I can’t get a shot until you stick your fingers in my ass to check for ‘polyps?’ Yeah, that’s happening. What a bunch of horse malarky.”

The doctor let out an annoyed huff. “I see you didn’t read over the information forms. They never do,’ he mumbled. “Look, if you want me to wait here all day while you figure out what to do, I can’t -- I have a deadline to finish here. Now if you’ll move along, I have another patient waiting; you’re free to go.”

And Drake knew he was. But that expensive bottle of Glenfiddich was calling his name. He glanced over to that one last beautiful bottle sitting atop a desk on the far side of the room, calling his name. Selling it for even half of what it was worth would afford him enough to move the hell out of the palace and get the freedom from Nik he desired. Rubbing a hand over the scruff on his chin, Drake's timid gaze turned from the bottle to the doctor. He could handle a finger or two in ass for a few seconds if t made him $90,000 richer. 

“Okay. What do I need to do?”

Nikolas quietly typed on the keyboard of his laptop from the opposite side of the curtain. The images from the hidden cameras plastered on the wall where Drake was seated popped into view on his screen. Feeding a link to, and overriding the broadcast feed at the CBC, Nik crouched down low and waited with little beady eyes for the exam to begin. “Perfect ...Okay, Doc, let’s see if you can get a hole in one.”

----------

Permanent Tags:

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[shackermanwrites]

Lifetime

Summary: When everything's falling apart in your life, and you don't know what to do anymore, maybe asking the universe for something isn't a bad idea after all. In which Sol Reader finds herself in another reality after begging the universe for something. Everything is going well not until she was put into Levi's squad.

Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

Lifetime Masterlist

The loud banging on the door made you instantly jolt up from your bed, and you looked at the digital clock beside your bed.

“It's 4:44 am; give me a break.” You mumbled to yourself as you got up from your bed.

It’s the first time in months that you have gotten a night of sleep for more than three hours and only to be interrupted by a loud knock, you could honestly punch a wall right there.

As soon as you open the door, the smile on Petra’s face was immediately replaced by a frown.

“You look terrible, Are you okay?” She invited herself in and placed her bag on the table beside the door.

“Geez, good morning to you too huh, you woke me up, genius” you plopped down back to your bed and hugged your pillow.

“I just want to see you before you go, and also, my mom cooked some food for you and your family. It's not much, but she made your favorite banana bread.”

Petra sat on the side of your bed and lay next to you, not caring if it’ll ruin her hair. You have been like this for almost a year, and you treat each other like sisters since she’s an only child, she confessed that she looks up to you like an older sister. Her family also treats you as their own, and you are beyond thankful for them. You honestly can't imagine how you will survive if it weren’t for them.

“Thank you, Petra. I appreciate it” You gave her a brief smile while you pinch her cheeks for a second before getting up from the bed.

You were supposed to wake up at 5 am, but since you are already awake and it's almost 5, you went to the bathroom to wash your face and take a bath. The faint sound of the television and the running cold water is the only thing you can hear.

-

You arrived at your house around 5 pm that day, the trip was indeed tiring even though there are not many people traveling considering that it is almost the holiday season.

As soon as you stepped inside the house, a blonde girl who’s holding a book came rushing at you with a big smile on her face.

“Historia! You have gotten a lot taller since I last saw you.” You immediately let go of your baggage and hugged the girl. You honestly missed her, and you know she did too. She was left alone in this house, and you know how it must be hard for her to grow up alone.

“I missed you so much, Sol. I have so many stories I want to share with you, mom! Dad! Sol is here!” the excitement and joy are all over her voice.

Your mom greeted you on her apron. She gave you a smile before glancing at the living room.

“Oh honey, you're back. Your dad is in the living room. I'm glad you could make it before Christmas.” your mother smiled at you once again before she went back to the kitchen.

You hate yourself for being mad. The feeling of being unwanted rushes through your body once again.

You didn’t want to face your father, but you're here now, and there's no backing off. You pat Historia’s head before your feet made their way to the living room to where your father is.

“Father, I'm home.” Your father didn’t look at you. He didn’t even try to glance in your direction. Instead, his eyes are glued to the book he is reading.

“I haven't seen you for two years. I forgot I have an older daughter.” The palm of your hands started to turn white as you clench your hands into a fist. You didn’t want to disrespect your parents, so you forced yourself to utter the word ‘sorry’ before excusing yourself.

-

“The fuck are you doing, cadet?! Get the hell up and start running!” The people who pass through the man shouting at a cadet lying on the ground clenched tighter on the rifle they are holding as they run faster in fear that they might get called.

Tired, thirsty, and hungry are the exact words you can describe the soldiers running under the sun while holding a 4kg rifle.

“So, a new batch of brats just graduated last night? How many are they?”

“Not more than 70 but not less than 50, eight from the top 10 decided to join survey corps. Don’t you need three more cadets to annoy you for your squad?”

“Shut it four eyes, and I do need someone who has a great aim at rifle since the last squad you gave me were nothing but shit. One cadet cant even shoots properly, and the other was shaking non-stop tch, pathetic.”

“Yeah, sorry shorty, but say less since they will be here early morning tomorrow. I just hope I get Reader and Ackerman in my squad!”

“Both of them topped their class? Tch, of course, those brats will pick you, considering that being in my squad means leading their own lives to hell. Anyway, I need to go, Hange.”

“Bye, Levi! Keep the weather down there cool!”

Levi Ackerman, one of the most outstanding soldiers on Paradis Island. At the age of 14, he was already in the survey corps after his mother died, he had no choice but to survive and live, and the only thing to survive for a homeless person on the Island is to become a soldier and fight for their home.

Most of the soldiers who joined are because of the ranks, a privileged to every family who has a soldier in survey corps is seen as honorable. Homeless people who want to join the military are a joke to them since they know that they are desperate to keep going in life. Still, Levi isn’t one of them at that time. He’s exceptionally strong, wise, and disciplined. That’s why no one ever challenged him after beating up the section commander in his first year in training.

Levi is an exceptional soldier, his rank went up throughout the years, and he’s currently holding the title of Squad Captain for Special Operations at the age of 26.

The wind danced his green cape that holds the title of his rank while he walks over to a bunch of cadets panting after running laps for hours under the beaming hot sun.

“Take a break and come back after 5 minutes, don’t even bother coming late” Levi watched as the soldier in front of him salute and instantly went to do their business.

He looked up to the sky to see a bunch of birds flying across the sky. He wanted something, yet he can't put the right words into it. Maybe he even needed it instead of want.

Aiming at the sky with his rifle, he shoots at the sky, causing a bird to fall in front of a cadet, making him caught off guard.

‘A bunch of pussies ’ Levi thought.

-

A loud bang from the door causing you and Historia to flinched while lying on the bed on your stomach. The both of you have been catching up with each other for almost an hour now with a bunch of stories about her school.

You heard your mom called you and your sister saying that it's already dinner time, so both of you went down to the kitchen.

Your father was already sitting at the dining table while reading a book while your mom prepares the plates and utensils to the table. You didn’t manage to help since, by the time you have sat, your mother was already finished preparing the table.

As all of you started to eat, no one bothered to engage in a conversation, and it bothers you because you feel awkward the entire time. Luckily for you, your mother is the first one to talk.

“How's college? You didn't come home for almost two years.”

You grip on your fork tightly, you had hoped to yourself that one of them would ask how you are doing, but here they are asking you how college is.

You compose yourself before answering her question. “I'm sorry, I'm just busy, but college is fine. I'm doing great academically, and I am passing my subjects.”

Your mother nods at your response before she returns to her food.

“At least be a responsible sister to Historia, the poor girl kept asking for you last year. I did not raise to be irresponsible,” your father coldly said while giving you a bored stare.

You want to cry at that moment.

No, you want to scream.

You're trying; your mind was filled with thought and screamed inside your head, but you managed to give an apologetic smile to your father.

“I'm sorry, father, I will do better next time.”

You can't look at them in the eyes because if you do, you know youll burst into tears and don’t wanna embarrass yourself in front of your family.

You excused yourself from the dinner by making up an excuse that you're tired.

You are.

Once you entered your room, you quickly took a shower before throwing yourself at your bed to rest.

You're tired from the travel, and you're exhausted from holding yourself back from anything and anyone.

‘fuck you, universe,’ you thought to yourself.

“Take me home, universe, I know I'm not home, take me to my home universe, whatever the cost is,” you softly mumbled to yourself a bunch of times before closing your eyes as you took a deep breath.

You stayed like that until you fall asleep while hugging your pillow.

-

“Sol, I know you're tired from celebrating but get up before the higher ranks get mad” a faint voice made you groan from disturbing your sleep.

You don’t know what time it is, but you want more sleep, so you rolled over to the other side of the bed.

Not a minute had passed, but a pillow was slammed into your arms, and a voice quickly followed it. “Sol, I woke you up, don’t tell me I didn’t, get up and get ready, Armin, and I won't wait for you.”

A couple of silence before footsteps can be heard, then the sound of a door closing.

You stayed in that position for a couple of minutes before opening your eyes wide open and sat on the bed.

You saw a bed beside yours and a bunch of books on the table beside your bed.

You're not in your room.

You don’t know where you are.

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 1 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) hey! i have a long ass one-shot and i kinda of want to make it lead off a lil bit of a cliffhanger so i've got part one here for you. this takes place a few days after this oneshot

-

-

Sarah grabs her white coat from her desk chair, and stares at the embroidery.

Sarah Reese, MD

Dept. of Psychiatry

She sighed, before retreating to the bathroom to tuck and dress. Even after her orchiectomy, tucking was still mildly uncomfortable. At least she had graduated from using tape to using a gaff, which was much more comfortable and easy to take off at the end of the day.

Once she was dressed, clad in a pair of relaxed, navy blue dress pants and a pale pink button-down shirt speckled with cartoonish images of various types of fruit, she grabbed her lab coat, and shrugged it on.

There was a mirror on her closet door, and she caught a glimpse of herself in it. She gulped, and stood in front of it, staring herself down.

She pressed the pad of her thumb against her jawline, and dragged her skin around in a feeble attempt to soften it. Her jawline led her to her chin, the cleft in it causing a pang of dysphoria in her stomach. She puckered her lips, trying to make them look fuller, but that only exacerbated her chin. She sighed, and gave up. It is what it is.

She let her hand fall to her side, and fiddled with her coat. After a moment, she scowled at herself.

“Move on, Sarah, just move on,” She mumbled to herself, taking a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair up into an unintentionally neat bun. No matter how hard she tried, she could never succeed in creating a messy one. That required more finesse than she had.

She smiled at herself, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a good doctor,” She affirmed, “A good doctor who made a mistake,” She quoted Dr. Charles, the thought of him filling her with calm.

“And Ava,” She gave herself a confident look, “Is not worth my time. I don’t even like her anyways.”

She paused for a moment.

“Because I don’t like women,” She shrugged, “And someday I will meet a man who loves me for me.”

“Don’t give me that look,” She snapped at herself, “Just because I’m not cis doesn’t mean I can’t be straight.”

“And I deserve better than Ava anyways,” She opened her mouth, then closed it, like a fish. She opened it again, “Someone better who is a man. I will find the man for me. The only reason I think I like Ava is because I haven’t found the man for me. That’s okay. I’m only 26. Some people don’t get married until after 30.”

“I am a confident woman,” She declared, “A confident straight woman.”

She started to walk away, but she looked back.

“And i’m a good doctor,” She said, sharply.

She saw Dr. Charles outside the hospital, and he waved her over. She ran to catch up with him, out of breath by the time she arrived, “Hello Dr. Charles,” She tried to catch her breath, thinking about how insane she must look right now.

“Dr. Reese,” He greeted with a nod, “How was your break?”

“It was very good,” She announced, “I feel like I am making progress with myself. I am a good doctor! What happened was a mistake, and it doesn’t define my clinical skills.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Good.. Good,” He gave a smile, “In my experience, all you really need after a mistake is to treat a few patients successfully, so I’ve volunteered you to be in the ED this morning.”

Her heart sank.

“And then, when Maggie dismisses you for lunch, come see me in my office and we can chat about what you did differently today,”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she could fidget discreetly. If he knew I’m anxious, he might send me home again.

He gave her a pat on the back, “Holler if you need me. I’m just a page away.”

He left her at the doors to the ED and she took a deep breath, and smiled at the big red letters.

“Help! I need help!”

Go time.

She ran towards the direction of the voice, a large man in his mid-40s who was carrying a young girl, maybe 5 years old, in a bridal-style position.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you, tell me about your daughter,” She prompted, pressing two fingers onto the girl’s neck while awkwardly walking with the man.

“Ah, she’s my niece, Miranda Maxwell,” He corrected, “Uh, she’s almost six, she’s got a.. uh… Heart condition? She was born with it. Her mom said she sees a doctor here uh… Dr… Dr… Beaker? Brekker?”

“Dr. Bekker?” The name made Sarah’s heart flutter.

“Yes, that’s the one. Anyways, she collapsed today, and says her chest hurts, and she’s a bit blue around her lips and nails.”

Dr. Reese took Miranda from the man, and took a light jog into the emergency department. The man took off after her. Upon entering the ED, she called to Maggie, “Five years old with a congenital heart condition, chest pain, trouble breathing, rapid pulse, blue lips and nails, where do you want me?”

“Treatment five.”

Dr. Reese set the girl down on the bed and Monique rushed to start an IV, “Let’s get her on the monitors, and get her changed into a gown,” Sarah instructed, “And Maggie?”

Maggie looked up from where she was conversing with the girl’s uncle.

“Page Dr. Bekker, Miranda is a patient of her’s, and get Miranda’s parents here as soon as possible,” She looked back towards the girl, “Miranda? My name is Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you feel better.”

“It hurts,” She cried, clutching at her chest.

“I know, I know, we’re going to figure out why,” Dr. Reese cooed softly, before taking on a more serious tone with Monique, “Get a CBC, BMP, urinalysis, 12-lead EKG, and get her on oxygen until Dr. Bekk-”

“Talking about me?” Dr. Bekker startled Dr. Reese, “My ears were itching. Miranda, did you miss me? Is that why you’re back so soon?”

Miranda giggled through the pain at that, and Dr. Bekker smiled. Dr. Reese almost allowed herself to feel endeared by the rare display of kindness, but quickly regained composure.

“Maggie, where are we with her parents?”

“They’re on their way, but they said to do whatever it takes to help Miranda,” Maggie called back, and Dr. Bekker nodded.

“What seems to be the problem, Mindy?” Dr. Bekker pulled her stethoscope off of her neck, and pressed the drum to Miranda’s chest, and listened thoughtfully.

“I felt weird and then fell down. My chest hurts real bad,” She complained, “I can’t breathe.”

“Let’s get an echocardiogram,” Dr. Bekker noted to Monique, who nodded, and started to set up the ultrasound machine, “Does it hurt more when you breathe?”

Miranda shook her head.

She’s so gentle with her.

Sarah smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to look at your heart with this special tool, you’ve done this before,” Dr. Bekker assured, before squeezing the gel onto the girl’s chest and pressing the ultrasound wand down.

She can be gentle. And kind.

“Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was shocked back to reality by Ava, who was snapping her fingers at her, “Dr. Reese? What tests did you order?”

“Uh… CBC, BMP, urinalysis, and a 12-lead-EKG?” She trembled, her voice seeming more questioning than answering.

“Okay,” She said quietly, focused on the ultrasound.

A few minutes of quiet later, Dr. Bekker put the wand away, “Clean her up, and,” Dr. Bekker looked back at Miranda, “And if I remember correctly, your popsicle of choice is cherry?” She winked at Miranda, removed her gloves, and helped herself to hand sanitizer off the wall. Dr. Reese nodded at Monique, who was wiping the girl off, and left as well.

“Um…” Dr. Reese started, “What do you think?”

“Transfer her up to the PICU and let me know when her parents get here,” Dr. Bekker told Maggie, before turning to Dr. Reese, “I think she’s in congestive heart failure,” She shrugged, “Did you see the ultrasound? She has a complete atrioventricular septal defect, she’s been my patient for the past year, we knew this was coming.”

“Why didn’t you operate earlier?”

“Her parents wanted to wait,” Ava shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Nobody wants to put their four year old daughter through open heart surgery. But now,” She gestured back towards the room, “Their five year old daughter is going to go through open heart surgery today.”

“Well is she going to be okay?”

“If I can get her in for- I’m sorry,” She interrupted herself, “Why do you care?”

“She’s…” Sarah balled part of her coat up in her hand, “She’s my patient, I just-”

“Not anymore she’s not,” Ava huffed, “Thanks for not killing her. Wish I could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

Ava flounced off.

Sarah watched her leave, and turned to Maggie, who pointed at treatment 1.

“Ear infection.”

Dr. Reese nodded, grabbing the tablet the charge nurse was holding out, and heading to treatment 1.

By lunch, she had treated three ear infections, a gunshot wound, a miscarriage, and sent a psychosis patient up to the psych ward. By the time Maggie sent her off for her lunch break, she had practically forgotten about Ava.

Dr. Charles was waiting for her when she opened the door to see him, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, “How was it?”

“Uh, good,” She sat across from him, and he pulled out his own lunch while she unpacked hers, “I saw Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh? How was that?”

Sarah tapped her foot, “One of her CHD patients came in, um…” She took a bite of her sandwich, “I ordered some tests for her. She was snarky about it when I talked to her afterwards though.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, “Well, Ava will always be Ava, regardless of-”

“She said, um… She thanked me for not killing the patient and said she wished she could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Well, it’s only been a few days. She’ll get over it. You guys were good friends before, you’ll be good friends after a while..”

“Good friends?” She questioned, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, y’know,” He motioned back and forth with his hands, “You’d chat, you seemed to be happy when you saw her, she teased you a bit. All of Ava’s telltale friendship signs.”

Sarah was quiet, instead choosing to take a bite of her sandwich and chew thoughtfully.

“Tell me, Sarah, do you like Ava?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, carefully.

“Like… You know, are you interested in her? Romantically?”

Sarah choked on her sandwich, coughing a few times.

“Remember to chew, Dr. Reese,” Dr. Charles reprimanded.

“I don’t like her,” Sarah defended, “I don’t care about her. I deserve better. If I still liked her after she talked to me like that, even if I liked her in the first place, I’d be crazy.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, taking a bite of his salad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“The shrug.”

“What do you think it means?”

“Did you do Yolanda’s intake?”

“Who?”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her half-eaten lunch back into the bag and tossing it in the trash.

“Sarah, you haven’t finished your lunch-”

“Not hungry, I’ll see you around,” Sarah started to leave, but Dr. Charles stopped her.

“I’m supposed to pass a note on for you.”

-

-

(A/N) come back tomorrow for pt 2 lol

[creepycatboyz]

"Scary Monsters" Marble Hornets Tim/Brian Fanfiction

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33361528/chapters/83235640

Chapter 2: Reunited at once

Ever since he was free from the grasp of the Operator, he could properly breathe out and not having the feeling of being watched. He yearned for this feeling for years. Medication helped, but he could never shrug off the slight feeling of being watched. He absolutely hated it, as he loved to keep his privacy. He had gotten sick and tired of Jay coming back to dig through the stuff of Marble Hornets, he just wanted to forget that, especially after his best friend has gone missing after Alex and him went to film a scene.

After everything had progressively gotten worse, the lack of medication he had to fend off the Operator with, he had enough. Someone in a beige-yellow hoodie, with a badly sewed on frowny face, has been stealing his medication, and that pissed him off so bad. Tim needs them, not this random person. Eventually he confronted the person, ran after them and surely accidently killed them. He's still not over this, he goddamn killed someone! Was it technically self-defense? Probably not. At least he could've called an ambulance, but he just left with the stolen pills they left in their pocket.

It's been a month, since he packed up the little things he had and left as far as he could. A relative of his offered him a relatively big cabin, where he can stay so he can settle down and calmly search for a job. He told this member the least amount of information, as he didn't want to freak them out or call him crazy.

Smoking a cigarette, this habit having never left his mind, he calmy gazed at the surrounding trees of his cabin. He's not completely engulfed in the woods, but it would be slightly hard to find the way if you don't know it. Which Tim appreciates, as he doesn't really want to talk to people, or be disturbed while he's doing his own thing. He likes his privacy, especially after he had no feeling of being watched. Usually he would be staying as far as possible from forests, as it always reminds him of the operator, but now he grew quite fond of the nature around him. He loves to watch birds pick berries from the nearby berry bushes, sometimes other small animals run around in the evening trying to find something to eat. At times he leaves out some food, a little bit further away from his cabin so they won't come back, to feed the animals around here. If he can't currently take care of a dog, he can at least fed the wild animals around here. He still kept his old phone number, as first off, he only gave it to Brian and Jessica, but never the others. He rarely talked to them outside of filming anyways, and honestly, he doesn't want them to contact him. He's done with the Operator, done with these scary monsters that should stay childhood fears.

The calm moments that were just now, were interrupted by a loud ring from his quite old phone. It looks a bit broken, but it still does his job! He lazily threw the cigarette he was smoking on the floor and crushed it with his shoe. Curiously he walked over to his phone and answered the call.

"Hello?", his voice a bit hoarse, due to smoking just a moment ago. "This is Dove's care hospital, am I speaking to Timothy Wright?", a female voice from the other end came. He grimaced at hearing his first name but soon thought to himself: 'A hospital? Why would a hospital call me from all the other possbilities?' "Yeah, this is Tim, is there something wrong?", he asked, confused on why he was even called in the first place. "A certain Brian Thomas had you on his contacts, in case something happened to him. His family was also on the list, but we couldn't reach them." Hearing his best friends' name his heart dropped, he couldn't even believe it. His lips let out a small whimper before he tried to compose himself. "I- Uh.. I will get there. It'll take some hours 'til I get there though. Around 5 hours", as he was saying that he already began to pack up some money, pills, snacks and spare clothes. The receptionist noted that down and told him Brian is in a stable situation, but has no memory on what had happened. As soon as he heard which room he was in he said goodbye and immediately hung up. He rushed to lock his door leaving immediately.

Right as he got in his car he couldn't even properly focus on the road, due to him being so overwhelmed with emotions. He for real thought his friend was gone! He hasn't heard from him for ages and he only noticed it was off ever since he moved out after Jay tried to dig through the old recordings. He secretely saved the old tapes, Jay posted, of him and Brian, those are the only recent memories he even had of him. Childhood memories of course stayed, but with those memories he also has to look back to the Operator, who tormented him since he was little. While he was driving, he was trying so hard not to cry, mostly due to happiness, he missed him so much. He wished he noticed sooner, but he was completely trying to forget everything, anything to get away from the monster. The amount of happiness overshadowed the dread he was feeling driving closer to Tuscaloosa, his hometown, where all the trouble happened.

Arriving in Tuscaloosa gave him this familiar feeling of being watched. If the Operator felt any joy, he would be feeling it right now, seeing his victim return once again. He won't give him the satisfaction, as he swallowed the pills he had taken with him. The closer he drove to the hospital, the gaze of the Operator started to fade away and he let out a sigh of relief. He wants to get Brian out of this hellhole, where both of them can be safe, from the monster and Alex. He didn't mind Alex if he's honest, he seemed pretty neat, but after the filming of Marble Hornets, he just started acting weird. The Operator can sure do a lot of damage to people, Tim himself is a example for that, but he's slowly getting better. He hopes Alex can also get the help, but he doubts it, as Alex went as far as to attempt murder.

He parked near the hospital and as soon as he stepped out of the car, he felt nervous. What should he even say to Brian? Oh hi, I didn't realize you were missing, because my brain was in constant fear due to some tall thin monster with no face? Yeah, that sure will be believable. He shook his head and made his way towards the hospital. As he entered he went to the reception and told them he's visiting Brian Thomas as he was on his contacts if something ever happened to him. Tim already knew which room he was in as he kept repeating it on the way there in his head, but he wanted to make sure and let the receptionist know that he arrived.

Room 52. He anxiously glanced in the direction of the hall where the numbers from 50 til 60 were. He composed himself and made his way to number 52. He can do this, it's just his best friend, well he hopes they still are. Oh god, what if they aren't anymore? He still cares about him so much. As he stood in front of the door, it took him some moments to gain the courage to knock twice.

A faint 'yeah' could be heard from inside the room and he immediately started to panic. He tried to shake off the feeling, which took a bit longer than he wanted. After having his usual calm expression, he opened the door and walked in, closing the door behind him quietly. What he saw beforehim, was a Brian bandaged up everywhere where he could see him and a cast on his left arm. Confused on how he even got hurt that badly, he was speechless. His friend had a tired expression, but still the warm smile he always had. "Hey Tim, how's it goin'?", Brian spoke, his voice clear, yet a bit quiet and hoarse.

Tim walked closer to him and took a seat on the chair on Brian's right side. "Quite good actually unlike you", he teased and glanced at his bandaged up body and arm. The light haired male rolled his eyes, but still had a grin on his face. "Yeah, no clue what happened. One day I was filming with Alex for Marble Hornets, which is still a stupid name, and ta-da next thing I know I woke up in a hospital. Amnesia I guess?", he chuckled, resting his head on the hospital pillow. "Probably the meds, or you hit your head bad", the darker haired man suggested. Brian shrugged with his right shoulder, as he couldn't with his other.

"I was actually in a coma for around a month, just woke up 2 days ago, I was barely awake though. They tried to call my family, but that didn't work, so today they called you", he explained and he sounded happy about the fact that they called Tim. "I'm glad you came" The smile his best friend gave him, made his heart simply melt, he had a slight tooth gap, which he always thought was pretty adorable. "I missed you dude, I had no clue that something had happened, I wish I knew sooner", that made Tim frown, as he wished he could've been there for his friend, but he just moved away, leaving everything behind, even his best friend.

Brian chuckled and shook his head. "It's alright, you showing up is enough for me" That made Tim smile, and he leaned back into the chair. For a few moments there was an awkward silence between the two, just being in eachother's presence was enough for both of them. The thought of the Operator crept up in the dark haired man and he had to break the silence. "So, when are they going to release you?", he asked, looking at his friend. Brian thought for a moment and scratched his chin, which had a unkept beard. "Uh, maybe two weeks? At most, I would have to do check-ups at the doc though", with that he just shrugged with his one shoulder.

Okay Tim, now you have to ask him if he wants to live with you, that doesn't sound weird, but how will he explain the reason why? Brian doesn't believe in this Operator nonsense, he hasn't been affected by it, at least he couldn't tell.

"I- This is gonna sound weird and it will probably make no sense to you, but do you want to move together with me?", the best way for Tim to ask Brian is just talking to him directly. Brian stared at him for a moment and furrowed his brows, but then grinned. "I mean, it would be refreshing to finally live outside Tuscaloosa, so I wouldn't mind, I'd have to get my old stuff though" He stopped and his eyes widen, he immediately tried to sit right up, making him only groan in pain. Even that didn't stop his panicked talking. "Oh god, I hope they didn't kick me out! I haven't paid rent, in like what? 2 months!"

Oh shoot, Brian has been missing for more than 2 months, at least 6 months? Hell, he himself can't even remember. Trying to calm him down he placed his hand on his healthy shoulder rubbing it gently "Slow down, tiger, how about I check your place out and discuss it with your landlord?" The light brown haired man took calm breaths and nodded. "I should probably call them too, seems more personal" Tim thought for a moment if this was a good idea, probably? Then they would get the amount of months he had been missing... Brian would be hella confused though. "My phone's over there", while he said that he pointed towards a table with his belongings they found him with.

Tim nodded, standing up and walking towards the phone only to realize it has been completely thrashed, as if it fallen out of his pocket as he tripped or something. He inspected the phone and awkwardly turned to Brian, who was watching him in anticipation. "Your phone is completely thrashed man", that's the only thing he could say, holding up the phone that doesn't even turn on, with a completely shattered screen. Brian's face immediately became a frown. "Uhh, well. Shit, I also don't know her phone number. My brain is a complete mess..." Tim smiled and walked over to him ruffling his already messy hair, which made the other man pount slightly. "I'll just drive by there and tell the situation, m'kay? And what if I bring you some good lunch after I am done, so you can finally eat some proper food?" At the mention of food, Brian immediately got excited. "I've only been awake for a few days, but these meals are a real pain. You're the best, dude", he grinned widely.

With that, Tim made his way towards Brian's old apartment, trying to find his landlady. Brian mentioned her name being Margaret something and she was really sweet. He walked around the complex and saw her name on one of the name cards on where to ring. What he didn't expect is for an old lady to open the door, huh, the worst she could do to Brian is pinch his cheeks to death he guessed. He always hated his cheeks getting pinched when they visited his grandparents, he would get very annoyed and his cheeks would be red. "Hello, are you Margaret, the landlady?", he asked, looking at her. She nodded and smiled. "Ah, yes, I am the owner of this apartment complex. Is there something you need?" Her smile was warm and welcoming, she looked like a kind soul. He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, it's about a friend of mine, he rented an apartment here? Brian Thomas, tall, lanky, brown blondish hair?" he asked. At the mention of his name and then the further description her eyebrows raised. "Mr Thomas... I haven't seen him quite a while. He also hasn't been paying rent for the last... eight months or so? Is he alright?" He expected her to be angy, but he was only met with a look of concern.

Tim scratched the back of his neck. "Well, he was in a coma for a month or so and I came to visit him today, because family couldn't. I have no clue what happened to him, but he's very sorry for not being able to pay rent" The old lady scoffed and shook her head. "Tell that boy he shouldn't worry. His furniture is still in his apartment and he can still live here, but with rent. He doesn't have to pay it back, but he should properly take care of himself!" he nodded, paying close attention to every word she's saying. "I'll take care of him, as me and him will move together out of state..." As soon as those lips left his mouth, she started to talk. "Do you want me to call a move truck? My son has one, and he would be glad to help"

The dark haired man just blinked for a few moments and nodded. "Uh, sure? How much would that be, I have some spare money", he chuckled slightly. "Oh, you could fetch me some groceries from the store that is all" Well, he really struck gold with this lady, she's so nice even though, Brian hasn't paid rent in a long time. Surely they had a really good friendship, if she's so worried about him. Tim nodded and asked for the shopping list, which he got. She even wanted to give him the money for the groceries, but he avoided that, persisting that he will pay that out of his own pocket as it isn't too much. He thanked her and told her he will be back soon enough and left to get the groceries and some good food for Brian and him, as he hasn't eaten anything since he came to Tuscaloosa.

Back at the hospital, after delivering the groceries to the old lady, he handed over Brian a turkey sandwich with a sunkist soda. "You still remember my favorite sandwich and drink?", his eyes shined as he unpacked the sandwich with his one hand, immediately munching on it. He opened the can for him, which gained him a grin from his best friend. He also sat down on the chair on his right side, eating his own sandwich, which had tuna. How fast Brian was able to eat, still baffled Tim, he devoured the sandwich in less than one minute. "That was good", was the only thing Brian said, sipping on his sunkist. For the rest of the afternoon, they talked about various things, but mostly enjoyed eachothers presence. After it started to become slightly dark, Tim said goodbye, going to arrange the moving truck and all the other stuff, so everything is ready, when he's released from the hospital

[evakuality]

Hanna, episode six

1.  This ramp thing.  It’s the MVP of this whole entire school/setting.  I mean I can see why they use it - it allows for some really cool shots and set ups and it genuinely works in so many ways to show so many nuances of the situations it’s in.  But basically I just love the continuity.  There’s something so comforting about this returning over and over and over again.  The sheer joy of ‘the ramp! It’s here again!’ 

2.  Matteo’s little ‘why are you dating Jonas?’ is so interesting too.  This speech carries a different tone, and I can’t tell if that’s because of the way it’s said.  He genuinely seems to be like ‘Hanna, think this through - do you really want this?’ and the answer should actually be ‘no I don’t’ even if his motives aren’t great, and maybe it’s because she’s different to Eva.  Or maybe this is because as always while it leans heavily on the original, the lines aren’t exactly the same and that lends some differences to it.  I don’t know.  Plus her question ‘there’s only 2 options: trust or break up?’ and his reaction ‘or maybe talk to Leonie’ - like yes.  Please.  Do that.  Communicate with people.  But I guess he knows it won’t go well because he likely knows exactly what Jonas is doing, and so he has very little to lose.  He’s not overtly being a dick here, and he looks supportive.  So if it goes well for her, hey he looks like the supportive good friend and if it doesn’t.  Well... that’s not his fault.  He was just trying to help.  At this point, from his PoV, not much can go wrong.

3.  The little scene at school with Jonas telling Hanna she’s annoying (by text! so distant and cold. Ugh, talk to each other properly please), and then Sam making her feel good and sexy and wanted.  You can see why she’d be taken by him.  We can see he’s a bit of a player, far too smooth and good at this, but of course she can’t.  With Matteo’s ‘break up with Jonas if you don’t trust him’ ringing in her ears, you can see why she feels the way she does.  Again, so much of this is modeled on the original, but the way it’s shot works so well here in terms of specifically showing us Hanna’s state of mind.  With Hanna literally feeling like she’s got this barrier between her and Jonas after he sends his last text, shown literally in the way the moment is shot.  Plus, Kiki’s little thing with Alex as a mirror/reflection of what’s happening with Hanna (they literally fistbump over it - Alex over having got his conquest and Sam over pursuing his).  She has all the warning she needs and yet she falls into it anyway.  This whole part of this season is so heartbreaking, and knowing where it’s leading is tough.  This week is a hard one for our little bean.

4.  I know everyone and their dog has talked about this cold war scene but that’s because it’s so damn good.  The imagery and the whole way this scene works is so powerful.  Plus, we’re veering even more into the darker shades for Hanna.  This thing with Jonas is weighing on her and literally sucking out her brightness.  She’d been so washed out at the start, and when she’s with her girls it’s all still brightness etc, but with Jonas this darkness is seeping in more and more and more.  I mean he is lying to her and that’s where almost all of this ‘cold war’ conflict is coming from, but her relentless pushing of the topic is a lot.  AND she never does it when they’re in a place where they can just talk about it, the two of them.  They’re around the boys or in class and by text.  She’s scared of knowing for sure and so she puts these barriers up to avoid having to do it properly.  But this is the entire problem.  I know we say communication is an issue across the board with these couples, but I’d argue (and have at length) that it’s not always true.  For some it’s different.  But here.  Here, this avoiding of doing it properly is the biggest issue.

5.  Okay, so Amira suddenly reappears here.  But???? Where has she been???? I missed her so much!!!  I love Sana, I really really do.  She’s a fabulous character and I adore the way she operates in Skam.  But I do love that Amira is her own character and so, while delivering a very similar message, is much warmer about it.  She tells Kiki she’s stupid for sending nudes, and that Alex really isn’t into her, but her tone isn’t as harsh or ‘straight to the point’ somehow.  But of course Amira is still tone policed by her friends, and told to say things more carefully.  And then she leaves, delivering another blow to Hanna’s confidence in Jonas.  ‘Boys lie’ - thus confirming everything she already thinks.

6.  I’ll hand it to Druck - I always love their party scenes; they feel real, like people genuinely having fun dancing and stuff (though in the most recent seasons that seems to have dropped off, probably because of restrictions having an effect on how they can film).  Leonie looks damn good in a suit too; this is a great look on her.  But wow her attitude to Hanna is so nasty.  It’s fascinating to me to see that Sara acts just as jealous and can’t let it go after Matteo breaks up with her.  They clearly have a model for how they deal with break ups and it’s not a good one.  Obviously Leonie is hurt, obviously it super sucks that it’s her best friend.  But this whole bit is so unnecessarily mean.  She wants Hanna to be hurt the way she was and she’s taking such a vicious pleasure in the way that it works.  Like, yes Hanna is to blame, but man some of this ire should be directed at the Jonas in the situation.

7.  I can see why she falls for Sam’s wiles here, and there’s been so much stuff in the last few episodes leading up to it but gosh it sucks that she falls for it.  He knows she has a boyfriend, he can clearly see she’s vulnerable and he takes advantage of that.  He is very cute, I can see why she likes him, but I don’t like this type of guy and he and Alex really annoy me (though somehow Alex doesn’t feel as slimy with it as William - at least so far).  And then Hanna watching as the scene of another cheating episode plays out in front of her.  No wonder she thinks the way she does: all she has are examples of guys being assholes.  But it does need to be mentioned that she stops this kiss almost as soon as it started.  I’m not sure this exactly counts as cheating.  But I guess what’s important is that Hanna feels like she’s in the same place she already was.  Plus now she knows how it feels from the other side.  This evening is such a stress for her.  The little story that Jule tells her about how Sam ‘would never do that’ is just the icing on the cake.  This is a moment where I always feel so awful for Eva/Hanna/all of them.  

8.  Jonas’s sad little confession comes just that little bit too late, and you can see the regret hanging over Hanna.  Like, she already felt it and now she can see through everything and it all sucks.  And of course the darkness has totally closed in rn.  But I do have to say I love Jonas’s ‘not that I know anyway’ about whether he’s gay.  The characters in this show are far less worried about sexuality and ‘being straight’ and it’s a nice thing.  Matteo was all ‘yeah I like gay songs, so what?’ and Jonas here.  I like it.  But ouch, how ‘you can trust me’ must hurt when they haven’t been trusting each other and it’s become so fraught.  Notice also that they don’t fall back on their kissing this time.  The one thing that’s been going well for them isn’t working anymore either.  At the point where things are ‘darkest’ for them in the cinematography etc, we also get the moment when they can’t connect in any of the ways they used to.  Jonas is talking and being open finally, but Hanna is now hiding things and nothing here is going well for her.

Anyway, this is a really difficult episode and yet it’s one of my favourites.  Like episode 2 I’m just a real sucker for the way it’s filmed.  Again, everything is lifted almost entirely from the original and yet again Druck puts its own little spin on it.  There’s a reason why the original and this one are the ones I like.  Both take a lot of care with how colour and symbols etc work and play out and while this is a straight copy in so many ways, I still love how they chose to interpret it.  Their characters are subtly their own, the filming has its own life and that makes it work for me.

[dearest-bucky]

Burning heart (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes seems to hate Y/n with a burning passion. Is everything as it seems though?

Words: 3.8K

Warnings: angstyyyyy but with a happy ending, Bucky is mean and I wanna punch him even though I love him (thank God for having everything saved in my laptop xp)

Originally posted: February 24, 2020

The compound is almost empty today, much to anyone’s surprise. With most of the team out on a long mission, the only people left to wander the living areas are Bucky and y/n. The only two people from the team who don’t get along. At all.

She knew that Bucky was somewhere training or simply sulking around the place, so she was trying to be extra careful with her moving, reducing the times she went to the kitchen to get food, going as far as isolating herself in her room for hours.

It wasn’t her fault that Bucky didn’t like her and they didn’t get along. She liked the ex-Winter Soldier, maybe a little too much, more than she should, considering how he treats her and such. But she can’t help feeling the way she does.

From the safety of her room she asked in a timid voice, “Friday, where is Sergeant Barnes?”

“He’s currently in the gym miss.” Came the immediate response.

Y/n sighed in relief and after offering a hushed thanks to the A.I she hurried to make her way to the kitchen. She was craving some chocolate chip cookies and she wanted to make her mother’s recipe for it, besides it would be a welcome home present for the other team members, they were supposed to come back from their mission in the afternoon.

Not wasting any time, she quickly got to work as soon as she set foot in the kitchen, trying her best to be as quiet as possible. It was ridiculous really, just like Bucky or everyone else, she lives in the compound, it’s her right to use each and every area of it, as long as she is not violating anyone’s privacy.

But Bucky, he was a total different thing. He couldn’t stay in the same room as her for more than 5 minutes even if their lives depended on it. He always criticized her, always had an insult to throw her way. It was as if he hated the woman, and y/n had no idea what had she done to deserve such treatment from him.

She was finished with the first batch of cookies and putting them to bake in the oven when she noticed Bucky enter the kitchen. He didn’t even spare her a glance, just headed to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and drinking with large sips. He looked tired, probably wore himself out with the punching bag, skin sweaty and hair dump, sticking on his forehead.

Y/n couldn’t help but stare at him. He was very handsome, with his brooding and almost dangerous features, but his eyes, they were always blue and soft and y/n couldn’t help but lose herself in them.

Bucky noticed her staring and scoffed in annoyance.

“What are you looking at?” He asked her, a little too bitterly for y/n’s taste.

She cleared her throat, embarrassed that he caught her staring, a red shade of blush dusting her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I was just lost in thoughts, didn’t mean to stare or make you feel uncomfortable.”

Her words were quiet, but she knew Bucky could hear her anyway.

“As if.” He replied almost taunting and left the kitchen, not saying another word. As if she could make him feel uncomfortable.

Bucky hated the idea of being alone with y/n. He hated the fact that she was so nice to him, always going out of her way to see to his every need, always offering her help with anything he was supposed to figure out by himself. He hated how she cooked for the whole team and always saved him a plate, never forgetting to call him down when the food was ready or when they were all hanging out, watching movies or playing silly games.

Y/n used to be a part of the Avengers, a very important asset to the team, with her powers and skills, she was amazing and fierce and a total badass. But everything changed two years ago, only a few months before Bucky came back from Wakanda.

Y/n had been captured by Hydra and tortured for three long months, she never said in detail what they did to her there, but whatever it was ruined her for good. She suffered a lot even after Steve and Natasha found her and brought her back home. She was mentally incapable of going on another mission or anything like that, that’s why Tony and Steve decided she would not participate in another mission for as long as it was needed for her to fully recover.

Bucky was sitting on the couch of the common room, reading a book, when he heard Friday’s mechanical yet very vivid voice inform him about the arrival of the team from their mission. He closed the book and got up from the place, ready to meet Steve and the others.

They came one after the other through the door with animated chatter, looking surprisingly well considering they had been on this mission for more than two weeks.

Steve was the first one to go to Bucky and hug him, then the rest of the team greeted him too. After the questions about the mission and if they were all fine, Steve was the first to ask about y/n’s whereabouts.

“Have you seen y/n today?” He asked Bucky, but the latter didn’t have time to answer because at that moment the woman entered the common room with two large plates full of chocolate chip cookies.

“Hey guys” she greeted them all with a wide smile and Sam was the first one to go to her, take the plates from her hands and pecked her cheek lightly.

Steve went up to her next, enveloping her in a warm hug which she happily returned. “How are you?” He asked in a hushed voice, only for her to hear.

“I’m okay. How are you? The mission went okay?”

He nodded and kissed her head.

Bucky was watching them from his seat, almost fuming at how lovingly his best friend and y/n were acting.

Everyone knew that after rescuing her from Hydra’s hands, Steve became her rock, the person she would go to every time she needed someone to talk to, or someone to hold her. His caring, nurturing nature had easily made her trust in him, open up to him with her mind and her heart, helping her become better and helping her heal.

Everyone also knew that there was nothing more than platonic brotherly love between them both, but Bucky couldn’t help the bitter taste of jealousy he’d get in his mouth and stomach every time he saw her with Steve.

He kept telling himself that he was jealous that she was keeping his best friend from him, what with Steve spending most of his free time with her, but he knew that wasn’t really true. He just couldn’t admit it to anyone, even himself that yet.

They all sat together around the couches and chairs, talking and eating y/n’s delicious cookies, when y/n directed her gaze to Bucky and silently nudged one of the plates in his direction, asking him to have one.

He just looked at her for a brief moment, as if not believing her gesture, and then got up from his seat.

“I don’t want your stupid cookies.” Was all he said before he left the room entirely, leaving everyone on the team surprised by his words, and y/n hurt in her very core.

She didn’t know what she had done to him, but she knew that she didn’t deserve his attitude. She tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat and averted her eyes to her lap. Steve that was sitting next to her, with his arm around her shoulders, furrowed his brows in disappointment at his best friend.

“Don’t mind him. You know how Bucky is.” He said trying to justify the man’s actions, but he knew the first thing he had to do later was go to Bucky and give him a piece of his mind. Y/n just shrugged and gave him a small smile to let her know she wasn’t hurt, but Steve knew that wasn’t true.

He knew how much Bucky would hurt y/n with his attitude towards her, he had witnessed Bucky being mean for no reason to y/n several times, but he couldn’t understand why his pal had to do so.

The atmosphere in the room shifted awkwardly after Bucky’s disappearance, but only for a few moments, because Sam was quick to crack a joke and try to restore the humor.

***

Missions are always hard, with the exception of a few here and there where they get lucky to get in, get the job done and get out without any scratches on them. This time though, luck was not on their side.

Steve, Bucky, Sam and Natasha had all been in a mission in Germany, raiding a Hydra base, while the rest of the team were doing the same in Russia, shutting down the same experiment operation that Hydra was conducting.

When they returned, they were all miserable, beaten down and tired, faces and bodies covered in blood and  scars.

Y/n had been feeling guilty for not being able to help the team anymore every since her capture, so not being one to just stand around and do nothing while her family and friends risked her life to save the world, she started to work in the medical bay, tending to their wounds every time they needed the care.

This time was no different, she was prepared for their arrival hours ago, Natasha notifying her of the situation of each member.

As soon as the jet landed in the hangar, she ran towards her friends and helped them to the med bay. They all looked like they had been through hell. And she knew it was true. Hydra was hell and she had lived in that hell herself for three months a couple of years ago.

She began with Natasha, cleaning and suturing a deep gash on her hairline, assessing to her other wounds, a knife slashing in her upper arm, a couple of bruises in her ribs. After finishing with her she went to Steve, who had a busted lip and a few broken ribs, but ever the stubborn person he was, he insisted he was okay.

“You should see Bucky. He has a bullet wound in his abdomen and I think his shoulder is dislocated.” He informed her in a hushed but quick voice.

Her eyes widened and she asked another nurse to tend to him before she went to see Bucky.

Bucky was sitting at the end of the med bay, head hanging low and the breaths he was taking were short and shallow. Because of his past trauma and everything, he didn’t let anyone take care of him except from doctor Cho, who he had learned to trust with time, but unfortunately the woman wasn’t in the States at all that day.

Now Bucky was losing blood, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, not letting anyone take care of him.

Y/n approached him with careful steps, not wanting to startle him. “Hey, Bucky.” she spoke in a soft tone that was usually directed to him.

He picked up his head to look at her but said nothing. He was paler than she had ever seen him, surely he must have lost a lot of blood.

“Will you let me look at your wounds?  Steve said you’re shot-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence because he abruptly got up from his chair, making the way out of the med bay.

“I don’t need your help.”

His voice was hoarse and a little weak, but she could sense the animosity in his tone. Her heart broke a little from him words, but she couldn’t say anything to him. She wished things were different between them.

He took three more steps in the direction of the door and before he could leave the room, his knees gave out and he collapsed on the floor with a loud thud.

Three heads turned to the source of the noise and y/n gasped in horror when she saw Bucky fall down, but she immediately reacted and went to his side, helping him on his back and assessing to his wound.

Steve and Sam helped her get Bucky in one of the surgery tables where she had to get the bullet out and see his wound before he died of blood hemorrhage.

*

Bucky woke up feeling his head pounding. He opened his eyes with a little difficulty and first thing he saw was all white. White walls, white room, white sheets, and a person in a white coat sleeping in a chair next to his bed, her head tucked next to his thigh, two petite hands holding his metal hand in a firm grip.

When he saw who was next to him, Bucky’s heart started hammering in his chest, but he couldn’t let her be there. Despite feeling bad for having to wake her up, because she looked as if she hadn’t slept in days, he had to, before he did some stupid thing he would regret later.

He retracted his hand rather harshly from her hold and y/n startled awake, looking frantically around the room for any source of danger.

When her eyes met his she let out a sigh of relief and a small smile formed in her lips.

“You’re awake.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked in a gruffly voice, hoarse from disuse. Despite having saved his life, he still couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her.

“I’m sorry, I was just sitting in the chair and then fell asleep…” she was trying to find excuses for her presence there, but Bucky was having none of it.

He gave her what she understood to be a repulsed look and asked for Steve. The smile never leaving her lips, she nodded her head and quit the room quickly.

Despite everything he did to her, she couldn’t hate him, she couldn’t resent him. She felt too deeply for Bucky and it was killing her, but she couldn’t stop being nice to him. He deserved all the kindness in the world, no matter what.

She made a quick walk to Steve’s room and informed him about Bucky being awake. While talking to him she kept her easy smile and normal composure, but as soon as she retreated to her room, the pain came all at once, crushing her, causing her to fall down to her knees and cry her eyes out.

She sobbed and sobbed and felt the pain pierce through her chest, but she couldn’t help but still care for Bucky. All she needed to do was let out all the hurt and pain in the confines of her room and then get out, put a fake smile on her face and carry on taking care of Bucky and the rest of the team as if nothing had happened.

She had been practicing this kind of ritual for a long time, lately more often than not and she was used to it. She knew she was hurting but she couldn’t stop caring. It was her blessing and her curse.

***

The next time they were left alone together was a few months later during a week long visit in Wakanda. T'Challa had welcomed them in their palace, offering each and one of them personal chambers. It just happened that Bucky’s and y/n’s bedrooms were next to each other.

It was almost 3 am and with all the people living in the palace sleeping a peaceful quiet had embraced the atmosphere. Bucky couldn’t sleep, so he was writing in his journal his latest thoughts. Despite having gained all of his memories back and having them sorted in order, he kept writing in a journal, it helped him with his feelings, especially with the ones for y/n.

Speaking of her, he was just writing about the last time he had seen her in the compound, tired and consumed, eyes with dark circles under them and shoulders slumped, almost as she had given up in herself.

He had never seen her like that, even when he had just returned from Wakanda to become part of the Avengers, just a little after she was rescued from Hydra. Her smile, her pretty smile she always wore no matter what, was missing and Bucky couldn’t help but feel responsible and guilty for the state she was in.

He had been horrible towards her, but she never complained and despite his rudeness she kept being kind to him, treating him with extra care and tenderness, but he kept being mean to her. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

He was just closing his notebook to go to bed when he heard her blood curdling screams echoing through the walls. He was immediately on panic, running to her door to save her from any threat she might be facing.

Even though the king’s palace was one of the safest places on Earth, Bucky couldn’t help but fear that she was in real danger, if her screams were any indication.

He ran to her room and opened the door in a hurry, but instead of finding any threat there, he was met with her figure thrashing on the bed, kicking and yelling to the top of her lungs for help.

She was having a nightmare.

He was frozen in place, just looking at her living in a terror, before he reacted and without a second thought went to her bed to wake her up.

As he got closer he noticed there were tears in her eyes, and his heart broke for the innocent girl suffering. Bucky was very familiar to the nightmares and he knew that she must have them too, after the pain and torture she went through, but he had never heard her, their rooms in the compound being in different floors.

Without losing any more seconds he closed the distance with her and wrapped his arms around her, one hand getting the hair out of her face, patting them securely behind her ears. She was still screaming in his arms.

“Y/n wake up sweetheart.” He began talking in a sweet soothing voice. “Come on, wake up, it’s okay, it’s just a dream.” He continued speaking to her and caressing her cheeks with his fingertips.

She woke up startled, her eyes opening in shock and pushing at him to let her go.

“No, let me go!” She yelled but she only tightened his hold around her shoulders and kept on whispering to her ears.

“It’s me y/n, it’s Bucky. You’re safe now. It’s okay.”

Soon enough she calmed down and let her weight down in his arms, shoulders slumping forward and arms clinging to him for dear life.

“Bucky..” she muttered in a breathless voice and began to cry with loud sobs.

His heart was breaking seeing her like this, so he kept rocking her back and forth in his arms, trying to soothe her.

“It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re here, you’re safe.” He kept talking to her while his hands were rubbing up and down her back, helping with her calming down.

Eventually her breathing evened and she was quiet in his arms, but her hands hadn’t loosen their grip on his shirt at all. He kept hugging her and rocking her and whispering sweet nothings in her ears and he wasn’t planning on moving if it wasn’t for y/n who a few minutes after having calmed down went stiff in his arms and retreated her body from his.

“I’m sorry you had to come and wake me up.”

Her voice was small and hoarse from all the screaming, but Bucky heard it loud and clearly.

“I’m sorry you have nightmares.” He replied to her. She looked up to his eyes in surprise, not having expected him to say that.

Of course even having him there was a surprise in itself, but she guessed he just had to come and wake her up because her screaming was disturbing his sleep.

She shook her head.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is. I made your days a real nightmare too. I’m sorry y/n.”

He wiped the tears out of her cheeks and then took one of her hands in his and started playing mindlessly with her fingers.

“Buck..”

“Yeah?” His eyes met her in a hopeful glance, he didn’t know what she was about to say next, but he wanted to be there for her now, he didn’t want to leave her side.

“Why do you hate me?” Her seemingly nonchalant question made him shudder. He didn’t hate her. Of course he didn’t. But the way he acted towards her said otherwise.

He locked eyes with her for a moment and slowly started closing the distance between them.

“I don’t.” He answered simply and his lips met hers in a short and hesitant kiss.

At first she didn’t react to his lips on hers, but then she returned his kiss, just as timid as him, for a quick second and then she was the first to end it.

“I’m sorry. I should better go.” He said in a hurried voice, clearly embarrassed. He got up from the bed and made to leave the room, but her next words stopped him right in his tracks.

“Please don’t.”

It was barely a whisper and  if he didn’t have super soldier hearing he would probably miss it. But he heard her, and his head whipped around to see her already looking at him expectantly.

He turned back and sat on her bed again, and she nearly crawled to get close to him and curled to his chest, trying to protect herself from the outside world in his embrace.

Bucky circled his arms around her shoulders and moved them to a laying position, to be more comfortable.

“I’m sorry for everything, doll. I know I hurt you and I have no excuse for being such a jerk to you. I don’t deserve your tenderness and kindness, but you always go out of your way to make me feel better and for that I’m eternally grateful. I’m so sorry for causing you pain and hurting you when you didn’t deserve it at all.”

She just hugged him tighter and sighed in relief.

“It’s okay Buck. Everything is okay.”

That night they fell asleep in each other’s arms and it was the very first night of the best sleeps of their lives. In the morning they would talk it all out.

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - pt 8 - finale

Neil x Reader

Chapter 8: Never let me go

(see Chapter 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: 

//And it’s over and I’m going under But I’m not giving up I’m just giving in//

warnings: language.

author’s note:  There it is, folks. Thank you for staying with me until the end, for every kind word and all the support you showed me along the way. 

—

“…Neil?”

You sat up on the bed, rubbing your eyes. Yawning, you looked around the room. You noticed his things were gone.

Why would he-…

The sudden anxiety spike wiped all the remaining sleepiness from your brain. You quickly put on your clothes, grabbed your phone and went outside.

You tried Neil’s number, looking at the sun rising over the horizon. No response.

Maybe he put it on silent. Maybe he was in the canteen.

You almost slipped on the wet stairs.

He wasn’t there.

Instead, you found Ives and Wheeler. He was leaning against the wall with a mug in his hand, she was sitting at the table, clenching her cup of coffee so hard that her knuckles were white.

“Hey guys, where’s Neil?”

They didn’t even look at you.

“…hello, have you seen-”

Wheeler’s face went pale, she looked as if she was about to pass out. Her eyes darted at Ives.

“I can’t-”

“Y/N, sit down,” he sighed, pointing at a chair in front of Wheeler.

A cold shiver ran down your spine. You crossed your arms and inhaled slowly. That was not happening.

“Just tell me.”

“Neil went back.”

You blinked twice and furrowed your brows. It didn’t make any sense.

“…he what?”

Ives put down his mug and gazed at you. “Neil went back to Stalsk,” he said slowly.

“But-”

“Look,“ - Ives groaned in frustration - “there was a fucking lock down there, he went back to open it for us.”

Your heart sank in your chest.

The pain in Neil’s eyes when he came back.

You dug your fingers into your arms, trying to stop your mind from racing. “Okay, but he should have gone back with yesterday’s squads anyway-”

“Y/N, he stayed there.”

Neil’s face when he was watching the waves.

You were fighting for every breath. You looked at Wheeler, but she was just sitting there with her face hidden in her palms.

“What do you mean he-”

Ives shook his head. “He didn’t make it.”

You gasped at the sudden realization. Your eyes widened, the pulse was pounding in your ears.

Neil’s sharp chuckle when you talked about your possible future together after quitting the organization.

The pit in your chest was slowly being filled with rising anger. You pinched the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes.

“…No.”

You felt a touch on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” said Ives quietly.

You brushed off his hand. “No,” you repeated through gritted teeth. “Tell me what happened.”

Ives glared at you, taken aback by your reaction.

“He got shot.”

You exhaled slowly, locking away a rising panic and all unnecessary emotions. You left out the anger, though.

“So?” - you shrugged - “You sent a medic team for him, right?”

Ives frowned and looked away. “There was no point,” he sighed.

“The fuck do you mean-…” you huffed in disbelief. “It’s not a fucking movie, Ives, it doesn’t mean-” you hesitated as you noticed Ives and Wheeler exchanging looks. “Wheeler?” - your eyes narrowed - “Say something, damn it!”

Silence.

“Fuck you both. I’m going there,” you scoffed as you slowly backed away.

“You’re not going anywhere-” Ives raised his voice, but you were already on your way out.

“Watch me.”

“Goddammit, Y/N, he got shot in the fucking head!”

You stopped and clenched your fists.

“…so?”

“Are you fucking serious-”

“No, are you fucking serious,” - you snapped and turned around, pointing your finger at Ives - “you just wanna give up on him without even trying-…”

Ives looked like he was about to punch you. “What does Neil always say?” he yelled. “What’s happend’s happened! Do you even realize I should have shot him right after the mission?! And Priya-…”

But you stormed out of the canteen and couldn’t hear him anymore.

___

You rolled out the maps of Stalsk-12 and the Hypocenter. With your hands gripped on the edge of the table, you let out a shaky breath. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep yourself together, but for now, you were riding on adrenaline rush, slowly slipping into your mission mode.

Someone entered the room. You looked over the shoulder and saw Wheeler walking up to you.

She glanced over the maps and nodded slowly.

“Listen, I can’t just-” you began, but the words got stuck in your throat. Your mind went blank as a result of your brain’s desperate attempts to prevent you from breaking down.

Wheeler looked you in the eyes and a faint smile appeared on her face. “I know. You can’t go in there alone. I’m coming with you.”

A wave of relief almost swept you from your feet.

“But Ives-”

“Oh you know him, he fumed something about some cowboy shit and both of you being bloody perfect for each other,” Wheeler chuckled lightly. “He went to wake up few guys from the trauma team. Now come on,” - she patted you on the arm - “let’s crack this out.”

___

The team’s footsteps clanked against the metal crate on the floor. You tightened your hold on the rifle as you peaked around the corner, but the corridor looked clear. How did they overlook that entrance in the first place?

You rushed to take cover behind a collapsed wall, Wheeler and two medics ducking right behind you. Then you just had to wait.

You couldn’t understand Ives and The Protagonist yelling on the balcony below you. A gunshot echoed through the corridor, followed closely by the second one.

The thing about being inverted was that you rarely paid attention to the chain of events going both ways simultaneously, you had to focus on your own mission. You couldn’t overthink it, you had to feel it to be as effective on the field as possible.

After the third gunshot rang in your ears, you heard the sound of a body hitting the floor.

You winced and bit your lip to stifle any sound that would escape your mouth. You knew what that order meant. It took all your willpower to stay in your place instead of running down those bloody stairs to put a bullet through Volkov’s head. You wrapped your fingers around the teal string on your wrist. Breathe.

Every second felt like an eternity. You could see Wheeler’s hands shaking slightly on her weapon.

Another body hit the floor, then you heard the fourth gunshot. Just a little while longer. You watched Volkov going backwards up the stairs and down the corridor. You gritted your teeth, your body tensed and you were ready to move the second he vanished around the corner.

You jumped at your feet and sprinted to the metal staircase.

There he was.

You fell on your knees right next to Neil and tossed your rifle to the side. You fixed your eyes on his face, covered in blood underneath the mask.

“Neil?” you grabbed his hand and pulled it to your chest, squeezing his fingers.

God, no, no, no, don’t do this to me.

“Neil, sweetie, can you hear me?” your voice was strained as you held your breath, stroking his palm with your thumbs. “We’re getting you out of here, all right?”

The whole world was collapsing on your head, you could barely hear your teammates barking commands at each other. “Please, please, love, don’t-”

Neil gasped quietly and looked at you, his eyes widened in shock and terror.

The fight wasn’t over yet.

You moved away to make room for the medics, not letting go of Neil’s hand.

___

The flight back to the base was excruciatingly long. The trauma team stabilized Neil the best as they could on the way there, but he had to get on the operating table as soon as possible. He was slipping in and out of consciousness, despite your best efforts to keep him awake. When the helicopter touched down on the hospital ship, the medical staff was already waiting for you at the LZ. You didn’t leave Neil’s side all the way to the surgery wing, where you got ushered away by the nurses.

You watched as the door closed behind him.

You leaned against the cold wall and your legs just gave in. All the emotions, bottled up long enough for you to survive that whole mission, got released at once. You sat down on the floor and hid your face in your palms, gasping frantically for air, your chest painfully clenched, your whole body shaking from violent sobs.

…Please, please, love, don’t leave me.

___

“…You look like shit.”

“Thanks, I feel like one,” you scoffed as you closed the door behind you, glaring at Ives.

He shot you a concerned look. “Mate, seriously, have you eaten anything since you got back? Don’t make me send Seb over here to feed you with a spoon, eh?” the corner of his lips quirked into a smile.

You mused at that idea for a moment and shook your head. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

Ives sighed and pointed at the door.

“How is he?”

“The doctors said he got lucky, the bullet missed the vital parts of the brain, but for now it’s hard to say how big the damage is. The next few days are going to be critical, we have to wait to see if-…” you choked on the last word, your eyes welled up slowly.

“Hey, hey, hey, no, come here,” Ives reached out his arm pulled you into a hug. “No ifs, you hear me?”

You let out a shaky breath as you pressed your forehead to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, Y/N, I’m a fucking idiot, I’m sorry.”

You pulled back and squeezed his arm, smiling sadly. You looked in his eyes. There were no more words needed, both of you just nodded.

As you reached for the knob, you hesitated.

“Ives, I quit.”

He scoffed, “Don’t say it too loud or I’ll be forced to throw you overboard, ey?”

You rolled your eyes and you went back to Neil’s room.

___

You didn’t know how much time had passed. All days blended into one, filled with the steady beeping of various machines, the nauseating smell of disinfectants, frequent medical check-ups, and the agonizing waiting. Wheeler popped in few times to make sure you were holding in there, but even though you were glad to see a friendly face, sometimes you caught her staring at you with a silent question in her eyes, the same question you saw in the eyes of every person who came into that room.

Was it worth it?

No one dared to ask it aloud, though.

Because of that question, you preferred the moments you were left alone, sitting at the bedside.

You waited.

You thought it would get easier once they unplugged the respirator, because that meant Neil was well enough to breathe on his own, but it didn’t get any easier, not really. It was still hard to say how long it would take him to regain consciousness.

So you held his hand and you waited.

You couldn’t rest, every time you closed your eyes you were haunted by the image of Neil’s face covered in blood, by the panic in his eyes. At some nights, when the pain and loneliness became unbearable, you curled next to him on the hospital bed, trying to find a bit of comfort in being close to him, in feeling his warmth. In Neil’s heartbeat, reminding you that he was still there with you, as you cried yourself to sleep.

At other nights, you just leaned from your chair and rested your cheek on his palm as your mind drifted off into a nightmare filled abyss

One night, you felt a soft touch on your forehead.

That was just a dream. And if it was, you didn’t want to wake up. You squinted your eyes, swallowing a tear with every gentle stroke on your hair.

“Hey you,” Neil’s voice was hoarse and quiet.

You looked at his face and a sob escaped your mouth.

Neil’s blue eyes were fixed on you, his lips curled into a half-smile.

“What did I miss?”

___

“…and two frappés, please. Thank you,” - you smiled, handing your menu back to the waiter.

“It never gets old, doesn’t it?”

You leaned back and giggled. Neil was staring at you with those playful sparks in his eyes again, a big grin brightening his tanned face.

“Nope,” you smacked your lips and smirked. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment. The scent of a nearby paperflower bush was mixing with salty wind blowing from the sea.

You looked at the dark clouds on the horizon.

“How much time do you think we have before it starts raining?”

Neil’s eyes followed your gaze. “I think-…” he hesitated. His shoulders tensed, a hint of frustration tainted his face. You took his hand and laced your fingers together. He sighed and relaxed, shooting you a thankful look. “….optimistically I’d say four to five hours.”

You nodded slowly and smiled. “Maybe we could stop by the beach before we find a place for tonight then?”

Neil pulled your hand closer and placed a small kiss on your fingers.

“I think we should.”

You looked over your shoulder at the waiter coming back to your table with two big plates of pasta.

You chuckled.

Life was good.

[ravenforce]

Stark Legacy III

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Carol Danvers x Wanda Maximoff x Maria Hill x Reader

Word Count: 2869

A/N: Oh gosh. I’m so sorry I haven’t been updated a lot of fics recently. There’s no excuse except that Animal Crossing New Horizon is taking up so much of my time but I am working on being more productive. Also, it doesn’t help that somehow I can’t seem to come to terms with this chapter. I feel like everything I write is shit. That’s why I’m trying to let the creative energy blockage to pass. I hope you guys like this chapter. Stay safe. xx

Parts: 1 | 2  | 4  | 5 | 6

***

After a week of poking and prodding at the Avengers compound, Fury finally agreed to let you stay off-site. Not that he has any say on your decision, anyway. He’s not the boss of you. You knew it will only cause more valuable time to be wasted if you resist, you compromised by letting Happy be assigned to you. The same way he was assigned to the handle Spider-man before. You felt like a child, it was ridiculous.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take back your position in the office?” Pepper asked as she enters the living room where you’ve been watching the city from its floor-to-ceiling windows. Happy drove you directly to Stark Tower, which Pepper handed the keys back to you. It’s now the Avengers Tower but technically it is still owned by Stark Industries. Thus, still owned by you, Pepper and Morgan.

You took a minute looking out the view before turning back towards your sister-in-law. You walked towards her at the centre of the room and gave her arms a squeeze. ���Stark Industries is better off in your hands, P.”

She smiled at you before pulling you into a hug for the nth time since she found out that you’re alive.

“What are you gonna do?” Before you can answer, the door to the penthouse and came walking in is Happy with a beautiful little girl in tow.

“Hey,” Happy greeted. “Sorry, we’re a bit late. Someone made one too many stops at the labs.”

Pepper beckoned the girl over, and immediately she took her mother’s hand. “Morgan, I’d like you to meet somebody.” Morgan took one look at you. A look of recognition passes on her face before she let go of Pepper’s hand to run towards you. She came barreling to your leg.

“Hey,” you greeted while running your hand over her soft hair. You look at Pepper with a questioning look.

“Morgan, do you know who this is?” Morgan pulled away from where she’s perched on your leg and look back at Pepper.

“Yes, mom. She’s Y/N Stark. Daddy’s baby sister.” She turned back to you with a smile.

You crouched down in front of her. You offered her your hand to shake but Morgan had another idea. She threw her arms around your neck and nearly tackled you down in a tight hug. You chuckled. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Morgan Stark.”

She giggled and pulled away. “You’re a silly humanoid.”

Everyone stopped and stared at the little girl. Pepper recovered first. “Sweetheart, how’d you know that word?” She asked. Morgan only looked at you before running her hand over where your ball-joints are connected.

“Dad told me everything.” You rolled your eyes internally at your brother, wherever he is. “I’m not sure how it worked but Dad said you’re the best sister ever, and that when you wake up, you’ll be the best aunt too.”

That got you down on your ass on the floor. You can’t cry, not really but at that moment, had you been human, you would’ve been crying your eyes out. Suddenly, sitting there on the floor with your brother’s offspring in front of you, you were overcome with so much grief. Life wasn’t fair.

Why did your brother have to die, and you, survive? He had more to live for than you. He has a wife. He has a daughter. He was happy. He deserved to live, too.

Morgan cupped your face. She must have seen through your robotic face. “It’s okay Y/N. We’ll be okay.”

You blinked twice at her before nodding. She’s an intuitive, emphatic kid. She is really Pepper and Tony’s daughter. No question about that. Then Morgan started chewing at her bottom lip.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…” she paused. She looked unsure of what to ask or how to ask her question. So, you run your hand through her hair and assured her that she could ask you anything. “…uhm. I just want to know how your body is operating? Is F.R.I.D.A.Y installed in your core? Or was it J.A.R.V.I.S?”

“Morgan!” Pepper admonished, and for Morgan’s part, she looked sheepish. You can only gape at your eight-years-old niece for a minute. She truly is a Stark and one that hanged out with her dad too much, apparently.

“Well, right now there’s no AI installed in this body but I’m planning to put one on my own. Maybe you could help me name it when it’s done?”

Morgan grinned before launching in a barrage of questions, only child geniuses could ask at that age.

“Excuse me, Y/N.” Pepper cut in through your nerd conversation with Morgan. “Do you mind if I use the kitchen to make us dinner? I don’t think the little one would want to leave soon.”

“Knock yourself out. Happy stocked up before we arrived.” That’s all the answer Pepper got before you and Morgan moved from the floor to your new bedroom to continue geeking out about your robotics.

Happy sidled up to the blonde as they watch you two happily chatting. “It’s a match made in heaven,” Happy teased; earning a soft chuckle from Pepper.

“Yeah. Finally, someone who can keep up with her.”

Morgan and Pepper are really close but Pepper suspects that Morgan misses having someone geeky in the house that can talk to her about engineering, robotics, science, history, etc.

***

Morgan and Pepper stayed for two nights in the tower. You wished they could have stayed longer but Morgan has school but Pepper promised they’ll be back every weekend. Without Morgan in the house, it’s far too quiet even with Happy around. Speaking of the man, you found him after your shower, lounging at the bar over some S.H.I.E.L.D folders. 

“Busy?” you asked as you went to the coffee machine by instinct. Happy watched you freeze for a moment but he didn’t say anything. He understood that you’re still coping with your new normal.

“Nope. Why?” He closed all his open folders but left them on the counter. 

You turned towards him with a smile. “Great. I need your help.” 

When you said you needed his help. He thought maybe you needed help where he can use his talents as an agent but instead he found himself dusting around Tony’s old on-site lab. It looks exactly the same as the last time Tony used it. Not a single furniture and equipment out of place. It was nostalgic and bittersweet to be there again. 

“Ugh!” He groaned after putting one more box in the storage room. You looked at your friend as he sweats through his shirt and stretches his back. 

“Tired already?” You asked in a teasing voice. 

“My back is killing me, and aren’t you?” You laughed and he turned to look at you. For a minute he forgot you are not exactly human anymore. A few nights ago you mentioned, post-human, and he thought it was quite a fitting classification. He decided that’s what he’s gonna use from then on.

“Actually, I can do this all day.” Happy rolled his eyes at you before giving you the finger. You laughed hard before you walked towards him.

“Sit down. Let the one who can’t get backaches do the heavy lifting.” He can hear the joy in your voice as you continue to tease him of his fragility. You handed him your new tablet, while you started carrying the rest of the boxes into storage. 

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

You stopped and chuckled. You pulled out a folded paper from your pocket. It’s a list of equipment and materials. “Please, purchase everything on that list. You can find most of them from Stark Industries. The rest you can outsource on Amazon.” 

Happy looked at the list and started putting everything in your cart. “Are you building something?”

You dusted your hand and locked the storage room. You plopped down on Tony’s couch and looked at Happy as he concentrates on finding the right items with the right specs for you. 

“Yes.” When no other word from you was forthcoming, he looked up at you. You can see the question in his eyes but before he can voice it out, you threw him a rolled-up parchment. He barely caught it and he glared at you. When he opened it, his eyes almost popped out of its socket. 

“Y/N.” He pause to consider what this little project means.  

“You’re not?” he broke off in the middle. 

“I am.” 

***

The dream team is spending their much deserved weekend off after being away for a month-long mission in Hungary. Usually, they would spend their weekend at home after long missions but they’ve been coup up in the safe house for a month and had only been going out on surveillance twice in every week. So, to change things up a little bit, they found themselves out on a bustling Saturday night. The plan was simple: have dinner on Wanda and Carol’s restaurant of choice, and maybe a walk along the park to aid their digestion.

“Oh, this is so good,” Carol nearly moaned after taking her first bite on the strawberry shortcake they ordered for dessert.

“I’m really glad we’re able to do this.” They all smiled at Wanda before Nat reached out and wipe the icing that stuck on the side of her lips. Wanda blushed. After all this time, Natasha still makes her flush like crazy, and it doesn’t help that she’s the smoothest out of all of them. Except with you, that is.

It’s an observation she gathered from the handful of times they’ve interacted with you in the HQ. Even Carol and Maria agrees that Nat is uncharacteristically a mess whenever you’re around. It’s a topic they have yet the time, and the energy to breach with the redhead.

“To us.” Maria raised her glass and everybody promptly clinked their glasses together. Not a minute after, the sound of sirens was heard along the street. They looked at each other before pulling out their phones, and they were shocked to see multiple miscalls from HQ.

“Shit.” They groaned collectively but before they can even think to stand and bolt, another restaurant patron yelled.

“Missile!”

It’s like time stood still. Even with years of work and training, they were rendered frozen and rooted in place, waiting for the inevitable to hit. After Thanos, they all had to undergo mandatory therapy for PTSD. Nat and Wanda went because losing Clint and Vision still haunts their dreams, Maria for being dusted herself, and Carol for stress management.

***

“Ms Stark that missile is heading straight for Agent Hill, Danvers, Romanoff, and Maximoff.”

“What?” You yelled at your newly developed AI before putting more speed to catch the missile. You can see the four idiots just standing there frozen. You caught glimpse of the missile timer, and you thought you’re not gonna make it into the stratosphere before it explodes. So, you raced ahead of it and triggered one of your suit’s new feature: electromagnet shield before it exploded in your chest.

***

Maria squinted as they watch the missile approached their location. Something else is flying towards them. Something she can’t put a finger on but oh so familiar.

“Is that - ” She wasn’t able to finish the question before Carol and Natasha were tackling her and Wanda on the ground. Then the missile exploded.

***

For a minute, there’s a ringing in their ear, and they were severely disoriented. Carol and Natasha rolled away from their girlfriends and laid their back, feeling the cold, concrete floor. They tried to blink rapidly to clear the white spots that are floating around their vision. Maria was the first to sit up, followed by Carol, then Natasha and Wanda. They looked at each other, making sure everyone was unharmed. 

“What just happened?” Carol asked, with her hand outstretched to help everyone up. 

Wanda was quiet for a moment before she was running towards the balcony, where a few customers are gathered around the mouth of the restaurant, hovering around something. Before they could question her what’s up, she just jumped out of the balcony instead of using the stairs like a normal person. 

“Shit. What now?” Nat followed Wanda over the balcony and landed gracefully at the sidewalk. Carol floated down on her Captain Marvel suit, while Maria exited the establishment through the front door. She walked towards the crowd and whipped out her badge to clear the bystanders. Carol, Nat, and Wanda helped to make a perimeter, so their girlfriend can assess the situation. 

When they saw what it is, they were frozen for the second time around that night. 

“Who is that? Is that RESCUE? Is she gonna be okay?”

An onslaught of questions was thrown to them but they have absolutely no clue how to answer. The suit does look a little like Pepper’s RESCUE but instead of blue and white, this one is pure black. The helmet is unmistakably Iron Man’s original design. 

“It’s Y/N,” Wanda whispered as she and Carol crowd over your body to shield you from everyone’s view. Maria is frantically typing on her phone, asking for a pickup team on their location ASAP. Nat’s crouched down and poking at your helmet. 

“The blast must have knocked her out.” Another poke to the helmet.

“Stop poking me, Agent Romanoff. It’s a rude way to say thanks.” She startled when she heard your voice before the lights on your helmet came back on. She stood up and sidled with Maria. Captain Marvel offered her hand and you took it. 

“Thank you.” 

“No, thank you for saving us back there.” You opted to nod at the Captain since she can’t see you smile and you don’t want to retract your helmet and expose yourself. You hovered over the ground and looked behind them.

Nat caught the action, as small as it. “We’re attracting too much attention. Meet us back at the HQ.”

“The tower is closer.” They all turned to Maria for consent and she freely gave it. 

Before you can fly off, a young boy yelled. “Hey! Are you RESCUE?” 

You hovered back down and crouched in front of him. “No, I’m not but we’re friends.”

“What’s your name then?”

“I’m Phantom.” You pinched the boy’s cheeks before flying back to the tower. You looked back and saw him smiling and waving at you.

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - Face to Face Part 8/? - Deals, Details, and Other Devils Part 9/? - Baggage Part 10/? - Private Funding Part 11/? - Just Passing Through Part 12/? - Party of Four Part 13/? - Resolute Part 14/? - The Wreck Part 15/? - Body Snatchers Part 16/? - Out of the Frying Pan Part 17/? - A Miracle Part 18/? - A Matter of Circumstance Part 19/? - Nome Part 20/? - The Future Part 21/? - A Hero’s Welcome Part 22/? - Up to Speed Part 23/? - Expect Further Delays Part 24/? - The Welcome Wagon

This is where it all goes a bit pear-shaped.

-

Peggy did not like romantic novels.  There was so much more to life and to happiness than who a person, man or woman, married, and if more people understood that, fewer women would marry useless arseholes.  The very worst of the lot were the stories in which the heroine had to choose between two men… and so Peggy was especially annoyed to find herself living one for the second time.

It would have been more bearable, she thought, if it hadn’t been such a distraction.  Jason and Daniel had been competing for her affections when she really should have been focusing on their problem with the Zero Matter and Agnes Cully.  Now there was the question of Kay Lake and whether she were trustworthy, and the recapture of Dottie, and Steve’s sudden return and what Masters might try to do about it… and once again, Peggy had to worry instead about men.  Bloody ridiculous.

At least for the moment she wasn’t given time to dwell on it.  In the morning the entire group – herself, Kay, Steve, Howard, and Jason, with Masters leading the way – got on a chartered plane to head back to New York City.  Peggy settled into her seat, wondering if any sort of record existed for how many times a person had flown across the continent in a month’s time.  Perhaps TWA ought to offer some kind of reward for such things… discounts or something for those who made the trip often.

Kay sat down beside Peggy.  Nobody questioned this.  Everybody assumed the women would want to sit together.  Steve, Howard, Jason, and Masters were four aisle seats further back, so they would all be able to talk to each other.

“So it didn’t go well last night, huh?” Kay asked.  She buckled her seat belt, and it occurred to Peggy that must be what she’d been looking for in the car.  Were drivers more reckless in the USSR, that they needed seat belts in their cars?

“It went about as well as could be expected,” Peggy replied.  “I told him what I told Daniel, that I need some time to think and I don’t know how long that will be.  And frankly,” she added, “I don’t think it’s a bit of your business.”

“No, probably not,” Kay admitted.  “When I knew him Steve was very lonely.  I kept trying to set him up with women I knew but he wasn’t interested in it.  He did go out with your niece for a while.”

Peggy frowned.  “I don’t have a niece,” she said.  Her brother’s wife had given birth to a boy four months after Michael himself went MIA, but she had not yet remarried and any further children she might have would not be Peggy’s nieces and nephews.

“Sorry, your grand-niece,” Kay corrected herself.  “Your nephew’s daughter.”

Michael Carter Jr was not quite five years old.  The idea of him someday having adult children seemed very distant indeed.

Something about what Kay had said seemed a little odd.  Peggy thought over it and recalled that Kay had said love is for children and called Steve a friend… now she described having tried to find him a partner other than herself.  “You never had a date with him yourself?”

“Never,” Kay said firmly.  “We were co-workers.  It wouldn’t have ended well… I know that from experience,” she added with a grimace.  “Anyway, I’m not exactly the ‘settle down on a farm with three kids and a dog’ type.”

“Neither am I,” Peggy said.

The plane rumbled into the sky.  Kay kept her seat belt on the entire flight, except when she got up to use the washroom.  She also claimed to be surprised by how nice the food was, as if Masters wouldn’t go out of his way to get the best gourmet fare in order to compete with Howard.

Arriving in Los Angeles, there’d been fanfare waiting for them, but it was nothing compared to what they saw as they landed at Newark that evening.  The Empire State Building was lit up red, white, and blue, visible for miles around, and somebody had set out thousands of lights in the laws around the airport to form the letters WELCOME HOME CAP.  The plane circled to give the passengers a better view of all this before landing, and taxied onto tarmac that was lit up like a football pitch.

There’d been dozens of people in LA.  Here there must have been hundreds if not thousands who gathered around as the airstair was lowered.  So many flashbulbs popped that it seemed like the entire crowd was glittering.

“You see that?” Masters asked Steve.  “They’re here to see you, son.”

Steve nodded and forced his face into the fake smile he’d used to give crowds on his war bonds tours – Peggy remembered it all too well – and headed down the stairs.  President Truman was at the bottom, waiting to shake his hand.

Howard got up next.  “Jason,” he said, “and ladies – come on.  They’re waiting for us, too.”

“We’re very much an afterthought,” Peggy told him, but she got up and grabbed her purse and hat, and she, too, smiled as they headed down the steps to catch up.

Masters was waiting at the bottom with a proud smile on his face, and Steve’s own smile certainly warmed into something more genuine when he remembered his friends were still with him.

“Mr. President,” he said, “I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the people who brought me home.  You probably know Howard Stark…”

“We sure do,” said Howard, shaking the president’s hand.  “How’s it going, Harry?”

“Not bad,” Truman replied, with a nod to Steve.  “Not too bad at all.”

“This is Dr. Jason Wilkes, who helped build and operate the ice-penetrating sonar,” Howard added.

“Mr. President,” said Jason.

“Dr. Wilkes.  A pleasure,” Truman replied.

“And Agent Margaret Carter and Agent Katherine Lake, who found the crash site,” said Steve.

“Ladies,” the President smiled at them, and kissed each of their hands.

At the front of the crowd, Peggy caught sight of Thompson and several other SSR men.  That was a bit of a surprise.  Dottie had already escaped from under his nose once, followed by Kay.  She would have thought he’d be unwilling to let his prisoner out of his sight.  And was that Agent Russel behind him?  Peggy would have to ask what was going on.

President Truman stepped up to a podium and began giving a speech with Steve standing awkwardly at his side, while secret service men came to escort the rest of the group to cars.  Peggy had no idea where they were going but assumed it would be to a hotel.  They’d had a long day of travelling after all, and would have more people to meet tomorrow.  Howard and Jason got in one car, while Peggy and Kay got in another.

Thompson came and got in with them.  “Evening, ladies,” he said.

“Hello, Thompson,” said Peggy.

“Hi, Jack,” said Kay.  “Did you miss me?”

Thompson didn’t answer.  The driver started the car and headed out of the airport.  The second car, with Howard and Jason, was right behind them until they reached Route 95.  Peggy expected them to turn north in order to go to Manhattan, but instead they kept going onto Route 100.  The lights of the other car did not follow.

“Excuse me,” Peggy began.

“Dottie’s been talking,” said Thompson.

Peggy froze.

“What did she say?” she asked.

“She said quite a bit,” Thompson replied, taking a set of handcuffs out of his jacket.  “You let an enemy of the state out of prison, Marge.  Twice.  I’m placing you under arrest for treason.  You…”

Kay moved as fast as a striking snake.  Before anybody had time to blink, she had the handcuffs out of Thompson’s hand and the chain across his neck, ready to strangle him with it.

“Stop the car,” she ordered, “or I’ll crush his windpipe!”

“Keep going!” Thompson countered.  “They can’t jump out if we’re moving!”  He made a strangled sound as Kay tightened the cuffs.

“You were saying?” she hissed.

Peggy thought fast… she knew that Masters had been Thompson’s mentor and the two of them were probably in constant communication.  Masters therefore knew that Thompson had been planning to arrest her.  No wonder he’d been so pleased to let her and Kay come along with Steve to New York!  But she had a choice to make now.  She could let Thompson arrest her and take her chances in court.  Certainly Steve would be a hell of a character witness but Dottie’s testimony would be incredibly damaging, and there was the small, inconvenient fact that Peggy had actually done what she was being accused of.

Or she could flee and become a wanted fugitive in the country she’d worked so hard to protect.  That wasn’t a good option either.

“Kay,” she said.  “Let him go.”

“You can’t go to prison,” Kay told her.  “You’re too important.”

“You said you don’t know what the future is going to be anymore,” Peggy said.  “All you’re doing right now is committing another crime.”

“I want to keep the good parts of the future,” said Kay.

“Me being a criminal is not a good future,” Peggy told her.

“I agree,” Kay said.  She opened the car door and threw Thompson out.  By the light of the streetlamps Peggy could see him tumble limply into a ditch.  The driver cried out in surprise and began to slow down.  Horns blared all around them.

“What are you doing?” Peggy demanded.

“Well, you’re apparently just going to sit there!” Kay told her.  She climbed into the front seat and hit the man on the passenger’s side with the handcuffs.  He wobbled, and Kay kicked the door open to let him fall out onto the pavement.

No wonder she thought cars needed seatbelts.

A few more seconds, and the driver was out of the vehicle, too.  Kay settled herself in the seat and took the next exit.  Peggy climbed up into the front seat next to her.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“South into New Jersey.  I know some places there we might be able to hide… assuming they’ve been built yet,” Kay replied.

“You realize we’re now in ten times more trouble than we already were,” Peggy pointed out.

“What were you going to do, just let him lock you up?” Kay demanded.

“I would certainly have tried to get out of it legitimately before I resorted to breaking any more laws!” Peggy replied.  Her eyes went to the door.  Could she just jump out, like the men had been thrown?  That seemed like a terrible idea, but it might be her only option.  “What are you planning to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Kay replied.  “None of this was part of my plan.  I’ll think of something!”

“I can hardly wait to see what it is!” Peggy snapped.

Kay found her way from road to road and eventually seemed to settle on heading south, back into New Jersey.  They passed through Newark, avoiding the airport this time, and headed through the series of small towns beyond.  Peggy thought some more about jumping out of the car, but did not get so far as actually doing it.  If she did, Kay would come after her… and she had much more faith in her own ability to avoid the SSR than to escape this implacable woman.

While Peggy sat sullenly in the passenger’s seat, Kay kept her eyes on the road, driving in silence.  Occasionally the two would glance at each other, trying to assess what the other was thinking, and catch each other’s eye, but then they would quickly look away again.  Forest began to roll by outside, as the two of them sat in uneasy silence.

“I shouldn’t have come with you to Canada,” Kay said finally.  “I should have stayed in New York.  Then I would have gotten to talk to Barynova before anybody else did.  That was my original plan.”

“You should have,” Peggy agreed.  “Why did you change your mind?”

“Because I knew you were going, and I wanted to be there,” said Kay.  “That’s it, honestly.  I wanted to be there when he woke up, because then I would… then I would know I’d really done it.  I knew he would have no idea who I was, but I wanted to be there.  Which was a mistake.”

Was it?  Peggy wasn’t sure.  Kay was the only one who’d known that Steve was still alive.  Howard had intended to ship him back to the United States still frozen for embalming.  Masters had meant to cut him open for study before he was even fully thawed.  Either way, if she’d stayed in New York, the likelihood was that they’d be burying Steve instead of introducing him to the president.

Not that anybody would ever know now.

They drove into the Pine Barrens, a wood that was spooky and uninhabited by daylight and far more so in the dark.  Eventually, Kay pulled onto the side of the road and leaned on the steering wheel.

“It’s not here,” she said.

“What were you looking for?” Peggy wanted to know.

“An old bomb shelter,” Kay replied.  “I thought it dated from World War II, but I guess not, because we should have passed it by now.”

“So what are you going to do?”

Kay leaned her head back on the car seat and rubbed her face.  “I have no idea.”

[brain-jarred]

Chapter one.  Marriage problems

In the dank bowels of New York, it was a normal day of extracting brains from dubiously consenting test subjects, and Dr. Hal was bored. Bored with his life, he knew he was smart, he knew he had a brilliant mind. In theory this job was in fact nurturing his mind, and putting it to good use in bettering mankind, and-

Yeah yeah whatever. He knew that this was for a good cause, as he carefully cut open the patient's skull, revealing the squishy and oozing brain. He sighed, and his colleague finally took notice of his dour mood. “Dr. Hal? What's wrong? You don't seem very enthusiastic about this.” Dr. Param asked, looking up from their clipboard which they were doodling in the margins of. Dr. Param was very much like Dr. Hal, in the sense that both of them had similar backgrounds. Though despite this similarity, the two were as different as could be. “Come on, Hal! Put some pep into that neuro-needle!” They said cheerfully, pumping their metal arm in the air, much like a cheerleader. In response, Dr. Hal just rolled his eyes and took the neuro-needle out of the tray, and did what you do with a needle.

Once he was done with it, he returned it to the tray, and the doctor began the process of removing the brain from the skull. He sighed again, and turned to Dr. Param. “Hey Dr. Param? Do you ever feel like… I don't know, that we could be doing literally anything else with our lives?” He questioned as he lifted the brain with one hand, and cut the spinal cord with the other. “Like, I know that this is to improve mankind and everything, but… this is just so…” He plopped the brain into a jar, staring at it for a bit. “Boring.” He said flatly. Dr. Param looked shocked. “What?! No way!” They retorted, limping their metal wrist joint in at Dr. Hal. They put down their clipboard and slid a pan containing a brain across the counter. Then, they sat their elbow where it had been. “Listen Hal, Dr. Hal. All jobs have their… their dips!” “Dips?” “Like low points on a graph!” Dr. Param said while walking around. Their six metal legs made clicking sounds as they moved on the metal floors. They had their arms behind their back. They circled around the now brainless body that was laying on the surgical table. They patted one of the legs to accentuate their point. “You just-” Another slap to the cadaver’s legs.”-Just gotta keep going!”

“Dr. Param, I appreciate the enthusiasm, as well as the attempts at motivation, but you should stop slapping the body.” “You aren't listening to me!” Dr. Param slapped the body. “No. I’m not.” The scientist sighed and walked over to the sink, removing his thick plastic gloves, placing them in the cleaning solution. His hands were… not human. Because neither Dr. Hal, nor Doctor Param, were human beings. Doctor Param was a centipede-esque cyborg, maybe even centaur-like in their design. They had one almost normal looking hand, if not for the sharp claws on the tips, and one needle like appendage on the other arm. The other legs, six of them, were simple, like a bug’s legs. They had huge red eyes that stared annoyed into the back of Dr. Hal’s head. Or rather, they were staring at Dr. Hal’s brain, that was visible through the translucent psychic aura that made up his body. He looked very much like a person, but without bones, skin, muscle, or even nerves. He looked like a person composed entirely of blue jelly. The only solid parts of him were his brain and his eyes. The two doctors both had human brains, greatly enhanced, yet still human, brains.

“I’m just saying-” “I know what you're saying.” Dr. Hal interjected. “You're saying I should just accept the life I've been given, and I shouldn't wish for anything more.” “Wow. Rude.” The cyborg huffed. ”That's your problem! You are rude. When people try to cheer you up, you just-” they waved their arms around. “You push them away! You push me away.” He huffed. “Why have you been so- what am I doing wrong!? You have been so on edge lately.” “I don't want to talk about this anymore.” Dr. Hal looked away and began to pad out of the room. “Don't walk away from me!” They said, raising their voice. “Please! Let's just talk!” They said, throwing their arms up in the air.They had been working with each other for sixteen years, and though Dr. Hal was walking away, and acting standoffish, he did care about his colleague. The two of them had been working together for sixteen years. The pair acted like a married couple when they argued. But really, they were both married to their jobs, not each other. Recently though, Dr. Hal’s marriage with work was failing. Like a marriage in which both of the participants were no longer in love with each other.

Dr. Param followed Dr. Hal for a bit, before sighing and going to sit down in one of the chairs outside the operating theatre. It was a bit awkward to sit in, considering they had a 5 foot long body. In reality, the bug-like cyborg laid on the chair rather than sat in it. They watched as Dr. Hal put his hands in his lab coat and power-walked away to his quarters. They hated when he got like this. Lately they had been noticing that his colleague's heart just wasn't in his work like it used to be. Dr. Param missed it, back when things were simple. Executing tests on subjects, researching, and all the other marvelous things- they weren't fun anymore. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be fun, maybe this work was supposed to be hard and laborious. But… Ugh. Dr. Param just sat there, trying to think of ways to reignite that fire that had been reduced to cinders within Dr. Hal. Meanwhile, Dr. Hal was in his quarters. The off-white walls surrounded him, it was a small room, only about 9 feet wide and long. The ceiling was low, and if he jumped, he would probably hit his head on the ceiling. Not that he was the type to just randomly jump. That was more of Dr. Param’s thing. Being all excited and enthusiastic about their job… Dr. Hal wondered how they did it. How they managed to be as passionate about their work as they were the day they both first woke up and did their first assignments. Part of him admired it, maybe even envied it. These walls. These floors. The lights, the blood, the smell of this lab. It was all the both of them knew. Their old lives were gone. Dr. Hal wasn't supposed to miss it. He had consented to this after all. He consented to having his body removed from his brain, and having his brain utterly transformed into something inhuman. Dr. Param consented to it too. So then why did he feel like something was missing? 

Why would he miss being a terminally ill cancer patient? This was a far more noble life than wasting away in a hospital bed with no family to be there as he died. Of course he did not remember being a terminally ill cancer patient, but that was what his bosses told him. They even showed him pictures of who he used to be. Birth records, I.D., photographs. All meaningless to him now. 

He had been thinking more about it lately. He hadn't told anyone though. He always got the feeling that the bosses didn't like it. It was an unspoken taboo to mention the past when the goal of the organization was to further the path into the future. He closed his eyes. Well, he didn't really have eyelids. He just shaped the ectoplasm that comprised his body to slide over his eyeballs.  And then there was a knock at his door, before he could tell them to come in, someone he didn't expect to see today walked into his room stiffly. The person that entered his room was a pale man, with wispy and wild white hair, and a ratty scarf worn over his lab coat. His face was round, it would have been almost friendly looking if not for the deep scowl that he wore on his face at all times. Dr. Hal sat up, and then got off his bed to stand respectfully towards the head scientist “Dr. Brian.” He remarked. “It's good to see you.” “You did good work on the last subject, but we have another assignment for you.” Doctor brian said, ignoring pleasantries and going straight for what was needed of Dr. Hal. “We have a subject coming in that is extremely high profile. Not only that, but it's going to be a vivisection. Further details will be given later.” He said in a monotone. “Oh. I see. But why are you telling me this in person? I feel like this could have been communicated in a memo.” He crossed his arms and tilted his head. “Because you haven't been confirming your memos.” He huffed. “You have been acting highly unprofessional lately. Now tell me why that is.” He asked pointedly, glaring up at Dr. Hal. “I apologize.” He began, taking in a breath. “I have just been feeling unwell lately. I was actually going to request a week’s vacation for-” “Denied.” The head scientist interrupted. “The high profile vivisection is tomorrow.” “Oh.” Dr. Hal folded his arms. “I assume my...talents will be needed?” he asked. “Both you and Dr. Param will be needed, yes.” “Alright.” he looked away. “Tell you what-” Dr Brian began. “You can have your week's vacation after the vivisection tomorrow. It's estimated to take six hours to complete.” Dr. Hal’s eyes widened. Wow. That was more than double the length of the longest vivisections he had done. This must be someone special that they were vivisecting. “Will it be a terminal one?” He asked. “Yes.” Damn it. Dr. Hal hated the terminal ones. Usually they were performed only on death row prisoners or terminally ill patients. So he didn't feel shame about most of them, despite technically being a murderer. Well, he wasn't really a murderer. They were going to die anyway, so who cares? He certainly didn't. But it was still unpleasant to be in the mind of a dying person. It was sometimes borderline nightmarish. Of course, he wouldn't voice these opinions out loud. But Dr. Brian’s scowl still deepened. “Do what you will for the rest of today.” He huffed, and exited the room. End of chapter one

[sebspocketsquare]

Quarantine: 4

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (online)

A/N: Heya guys! Here’s part 4! Its extra long like i promised. Let me know what you think! part 5 is in the works :) -T

Warnings: Flirting, language, quarantine, fear, crying, feels, mentions of a breakin

It’s pouring rain.

You’re in shock.

Frozen in place.

You’re not even sure what to think as you stare at your front door.

You’d locked it, right? You’d remembered to do that?

Searching your memories, you find that yes, you did lock it… which could only mean one thing.

Mind racing, the bags you’d toted home from the grocery store fall from your grasp to the cold concrete below, and you don’t even flinch at the sound that was surely your eggs cracking.

“But..” The word comes out as more of a breath, and that’s when you notice that tears are already stinging the ridges of your eyes.

It takes another few minutes of ragged breathing before you come to your senses and shakily fish your phone out of your pocket, dialing 911.

They answer on the second ring, and the dispatch operator sounds as stressed as you feel.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

You suddenly find yourself questioning if this really is an emergency, but right yourself almost immediately. Someone just broke into your apartment. A stranger. A criminal.

Yes, it was an emergency.

“I, um.. I just got home from the store, and my-my apartment door is open, I.. I think someone broke in while i was gone.”

You hear her typing before she responds to you, “Okay ma’am, I’m going to ask you not to enter the residence and stay away from the front door in case someone is still inside. Can you give me your address? I’ll have an officer with you in less than ten minutes.”

You exchange the information she needs with a trembling voice, and she asks if you’d like to stay on the line with her until the authorities arrive.

You’ve never agreed to anything so fast. Even if you didn’t speak, at least she’d be there if something else were to happen.

She tells you that there have been five other break ins in your area in the last two weeks, and that she’s sorry it’s happening to you, too.

You’re too numb to murmur anything other than a “thank you.”

It takes approximately 8 minutes for a patrol car to arrive with two officers inside.

They have you wait outside as they enter your apartment, and the next fifteen minutes of their searching seems as if it goes on forever.

As you’re waiting, your phone chirps.

A new IM from J.

[Sarge:] Getting worried over here, doll.. You home safe and sound yet?

Just reading the message has more tears welling in your eyes.

[clairv0yant:] Not exactly…

The moment you press send, both of the officers come out onto your porch with looks that can only be described as sympathy.

“Miss? We’d like you to come inside, please.. The coast is clear, but we need you to file a full report on what’s been taken.”

His words open a gaping hole in your stomach and you suddenly feel nauseated.

What’s been taken?

You don’t notice how your phone vibrates repeatedly in your pocket, desperate messages trying to reach you.

It takes 45 minutes to file the report with the police, to account for everything that’s missing.

They took the tower to your computer, the screen, the mouse and the keyboard. Your TV is missing, along with the bottles of vodka you’d kept in your freezer. The jar that contained your ‘vacation’ savings had been taken from your bedroom, along with your tablet and phone charger. They’d even gone as far as to steal the two packs of toilet paper and cleaners from under your bathroom sink. They broke every dish in your cupboard, glass was scattered on every bit of your floor, but they managed to completely overlook the small stash of twenties you kept in your underwear drawer.

The officers reiterate what the dispatch lady had told you: you weren’t the only one this had happened to recently, and they were sorry this had happened to you. They’d check in on you for the next couple days, and let you know if they find the people responsible.

There wasn’t much more that could be done.

Once they leave you lock the door, though that doesn’t make you feel safe anymore. 

That hadn’t been enough before, what would stop them from doing it again?

You lean your back against it, before letting out a sob and falling to the floor.

Your fingers tangle in the roots of your hair and you tug in frustration as you cry. 

Why you? Why now?

You weren’t working, the little bit of savings you did have had to be used to pay bills and buy groceries. You had no idea when you’d be allowed back to your job, and you had no one to rely on to help you.

What were you supposed to do now?

Your phone chirps from your pocket again, and when you bring it to eye level, you notice you have 18 missed messages.

[Sarge:] What do you mean?

[Sarge:] Doll, please answer me.

[Sarge:] Clair, you’re scaring me…

[Sarge:] At least let me know you’re okay.

[Sarge:] Clair, please?

[Sarge:] Say something, anything..

[Sarge:] Fuck..

[Sarge:] I’m such an idiot for letting you go out without getting your phone number or address

[Sarge:] Please let me know you’re fine

[Sarge:] Tell me I’m overreacting

[Sarge:] Clair..?

[Sarge:] I’m freaking out over here

[Sarge:] Baby, you’re scaring me..

[Sarge:] Answer me

[Sarge:] I’m begging you

[Sarge:] Just send me a fucking smiley face, anything

[Sarge:] just let me know you’re alive

[Sarge:] Just.. call me, please..

The last message included a phone number.

Your thumb hovers over the assortment of digits as you take in a shuddering breath. You didn’t want to call and have him hear you like this. You’d always imagined the first time you spoke on the phone would be full of awkward giggles and flirty compliments given back and forth.

Not you on the verge of breaking.

Your thumb finally presses the numbers, and as if to question your choices, a message pops up on your screen: ‘Calling.. Are you sure you want to do this?’

You hit yes without a second thought.

The line rings once before the person at the other end answers.

“Clair?”

You’re too emotionally devastated to appreciate the timbre of his voice, the concern laced in the first word you’ve ever physically heard him say.

“Please, say something..”

He’s begging at this point, and there’s a quake in his words that weighs down your already heavy heart.

“I-It’s me.” 

The whisper has him letting out a sigh of relief before he speaks again.

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

That’s when you break.

You tell him everything through hiccups and sobs.

When you’ve finished with your story, he releases another sigh before speaking again.

“Baby, you gotta breathe. I know it’s hard, but take a couple deep breaths for me okay? Can you do that?”

You follow his instruction, taking a few deep breaths in, and releasing them just as slow.

“There you go.. I’m gonna take care of this, okay? I’m gonna take care of you. Don’t worry about a thing.”

You’re so entranced in your breathing that you almost agree to his words blindly. Luckily, you catch yourself.

“What.. What do you mean, J?”

“Let me help you, Clair, I.. please.”

You sit in silence for a moment or two before he speaks again.

“I know you well enough by this point to know you’re too stubborn to let me send you money, but.. Let me replace your things. Let me send you some groceries. Let me pay for a goddamn security system… Please.”

You knew he was kind. That was one of the first things he’d let you see of himself.. But this? This was different. Nobody just offers to do this for someone they haven’t even met.

“J, I.. I can’t.. That’s too much.. You don’t even know me..”

He sighs yet again, but you can tell this one is out of frustration. 

“Clair, please. I am literally begging you to let me help you, I.. I’m doing this because I care about you..”

Contemplating in silence, your eyes begin to water again. 

What choice did you have?

You didn’t have the money to replace your things.

You’d barely have enough to replace the groceries you’d just ruined in the rain, and you certainly couldn’t afford a security system.

“J, I.. I can’t pay you back..”

“That is literally the least of my worries. I just want you safe. Please. I can have someone at your place tomorrow morning to install the system. The replacement for your computer might take a little longer, but I’ll get it to you as soon as i can, just.. Let me do this. I want to.”

Before you know what’s happened, you hear yourself agreeing to his wishes and giving him your address.

“You live in the city?” There’s surprise in his voice that you don’t miss.

“You’re closer than I expected..”

Before you can ask him what he means, he’s speaking again.

“I have a friend, I’ll text him now and see the earliest he can come by tomorrow, okay? You can trust him, he’s a good guy. Do you have a spare phone charger for the night?”

You inform him of the one you always carry in your purse and that seems to ease the tension in his voice.

“Clair?”

“Yeah, J..?”

“I’m sorry this is how our first phone conversation had to go, I.. I pictured it differently in my head..”

You let out a sad laugh, “I know what you mean.. I’m sorry too.”

“But..” another sigh, “I’m not sorry I finally got to hear your voice.”

“I’m not sorry either..”

 You swear you hear him lick his lips, just before he speaks again, “Doll, my friend is calling me.. can I call you back?”

You take a look at the mess around your apartment before thinking that it might actually be for the best if you get off the phone.

“I should probably get off here and clean up all this glass anyway..”

He hums softly, “Call me when you’ve finished? I.. I just wanna know you’re safe.”

It was endearing how worried he was about you.

You also knew it was with good reason.

“Of course. I’ll call you back in a little bit. Bye, J.. and.. thank you.”

“Anything for you, Doll.. I’ll talk to you soon.”

HIM

The moment she ends the call, I slam my fist down on my desk. She was so close, so fucking close, and yet so far.

I couldn’t just show up, hold her and comfort her and protect her. It was too soon for that, plus with the required social distancing.. I don’t even think she’d trust me. 

Sam’s voice breaks my train of thought.

“What’s up man, I just got your text?” 

He’s standing in the doorway of my bedroom, still dressed in his sweats from the day before. 

I scoff at the sight, “One, you need to shower and change, dude. Two… I need you to do me a favor..”

He snickers and smirks, “This have anything to do with this girl you’ve been texting? Need me to track down some selfies for you to stare at?”

Had it been any other night, I might’ve entertained the idea of that, but instead I let out a quiet groan, “No, I… her apartment got ransacked today.. I need you to go over and install a security system for her.”

The smile falls from his face and his eyebrows raise. “Wait, what? She lives close? Why don’t you go?”

I shake my head, eyes falling to my left hand. The vibranium appendage almost glitters under the light of my computer screen, and when he follows my gaze he understands. “She doesn’t know yet.. who you are.”

I shake my head, and it’s his turn to sigh. “Yeah, man.. I can do that for you. Is she.. is she okay?”

I shrug, staring at my phone screen and willing her to call me back, “I.. I have no idea, man.. hearing her cry just now..” I have to pause and clear the emotion from my throat. 

“This quarantine is killing me.. all I wanted to do was go to her, hold her, and I—“ I pause again, cheeks flooding with warmth as I realize how vulnerable I just sounded.

“You’ve got it bad, don’t you?” He wonders, cocking his head to the side with a small smile.

The heat in my cheeks burns hotter as I nod slightly. 

“Just give me the address. I’ll make sure she’s got a system as good as ours.”

Just hearing him say that puts me at ease. I’d know her comings and goings, where she was in the apartment and if anyone was even close to entering. 

Stalkerish? Maybe a little, but.. 

If I couldn’t be there in person to protect her, this would be the next best thing.

HER

Aside from the missing appliances, you can barely tell what took place in your apartment today.

You’d swept every room, scrubbed every surface.

It might even be the cleanest the apartment had been since you moved in. 

J texted you earlier, asking for a list of your missing belongings and an idea for groceries.. you were a bit reluctant at first, but eventually gave in and handed over the information. 

You pushed your couch behind your front door out of paranoia before taking a shower, and now you sat on the edge of your bed in silence. 

It was hard not to let your mind wander to a dark place, to think of what you must’ve done to deserve this. 

Tears are starting to return to your eyes, just as your phone begins to ring again.

It’s J, of course.

“Hello?”

“Hey, doll.. how are you feeling?”

You’re calmed down enough to appreciate his voice now. The slight drawl to it, the sound of your nickname leaving his lips. It’s deep and warm and, god, you just wanted to wrap yourself in it and stay there forever.

“I.. I’m okay I guess.. it’s weird, y’know?”

“I’m sure.. I’m sorry you had to go through this.. I wish..” He pauses and you find yourself rather curious as to what he was going to say.

“You wish what, J?”

He hums before he finishes his thought, “I wish I could hold you, Clair.. Make you feel safe. Protect you.”

He’s making you blush, and it’s different than all the other times he’s done so through text. 

Actually hearing him say it brought it to a whole other level.

“Would that be alright?”

You can tell he’s second guessing his confession, and his timid behavior makes you smile.

“I would love that.. If only that was allowed right now..”

This quarantine was really messing things up for you. In more ways than one.

“I’d break the law for you, just say the word.”

You laugh at the thought, but you know he’s at least a little serious. 

“Have you um.. ever really thought about it?”

He hums again, and you find you’re addicted to the sound. “It’s embarrassing how much I’ve thought about it.. how about you, sweetheart? You ever think about me holdin’ you?”

The heat is back in your cheeks and you bite your lip to hold back the grin that’s taken over your entire face. “I.. yes. I have. I’m thinking about it right now, actually..”

Laying back on your bed, you pull a spare pillow to your chest and hug it tightly.

“What are you doin’ over there? Laying in bed? Do me a favor…”

It’s your turn to hum, and he chuckles.

“You got any extra pillows? Hug one of ‘em close, and close your eyes.. Just imagine it’s me, holding you to my chest… if you concentrate hard enough, maybe you can hear my heartbeat.. I’m sure it’d be goin’ crazy from being so close to you..”

You do as he asks, sighing happily into the phone. “Mine would be too.. it already is.”

You hear soft rustling from his end of the call, and you’re sure he’s settling in for the night too.

“Just wanna hold you.. kiss your forehead, ‘cause I remember you saying how much you like that.. Tell you how special you are to me..”

He’s making your heart beat wildly in your ribcage, and for some reason, tears trickle from the corner of your eye.

“You okay over there, baby?”

His new name for you was quickly becoming a new favorite.

“Yeah, it’s just.. you’re too good to me, you know that?”

“I’m the perfect amount of good to you, doll.. you deserve the whole world, and I’ll do my best to give that to ya.”

He’s making you forget the events of the day with each moment that passes, replacing them with sweet memories instead.

“J.. I adore you.”

“Not as much as I adore you, Clair.”

That night, you’re lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing.

TAGS: (I wasnt sure who to tag, so if you dont want to be, I’m sorry!! Just trying to get this out there. ALSO if you wanna be tagged INBOX ME! I tend to miss people in the tags :( also some tags don’t work, so i’ve removed them if they dont. Sorry about that!  ).  

@mindingmyownbusiness@plumfondler@buckybarnesappreciationsociety@loricameback@tinaferraldo@geminimoonbeamx@preserumsteverogers@moderapoppins@lowkeysebby@buckyshattergirl@jayattemptstoruletheworld@the-observant-fangirl@moondancewrites@moonbeambucky@trinityjadec@stevieang@bionic-buckyb@eyecandybarnes@propertyofpoeandbucky@promarvelfangirl@ballyhoobarnes@bucky-plums-barnes@cate-lynne​@witchymarvelspacecase@imaginingbucky@theimpossibleg1rl​ @wonderlandmind4​@buckysthing@formulafun@curvybihufflepuff@fanficsformarvelkillme@shadyskit@lostinthoughtsandfeelings@reading--mermaid​@fuckmestan@siliverin@verygraphicink@sallyp-53​@thatsbucknasty@steadyphantomcat@booktease21​@drayshadow@theperditioncrasher@mmyepic@feelmyroarrrr@alien-beans@heartsaved@sideeffectsofyou@dreamingofonceuponatime@just-a-littlebit-of-everything@bluerorjhan@tarynsnotokay@jamdropx35​@pinknerdpanda @starkrobb @marvelgirl7 @unscriptedtimetraveler @fangeekkk @wonderlandmind4 @pinkisokay @mrsdaamneron @rynabarnesrogers @wish-i-had-something-better @stanning-seb-stan

[spookyrobbins]

dialogue game part #i lost count

1) "what's up with cardio surgeons and their obsession with cutting people's hair?" (tedzona shenanigans)

2) "I'm in an on call room crying my eyes out because I can't stop missing you. But you're not mine to miss anymore, are you?"

3) "and that's how I learned what ghosting is"

4) "you definitely have a type"

5) "I want to Skype Teddy"

"Arizona it's 4 AM in Germany, leave Teddy alone"

6) "why don't you two tell Sofia the story of how you managed to get banned from the local pool?"

7) "remember that picture I sent you?"

"the scan room one?"

"yeah, Bailey almost caught me taking it"

8) "what's going on with you?"

"I think I ate poisoned cookies"

9) "I get cravings when I'm on my period"

10)"you've never witnessed Arizona on pain meds? then you're in for a good time"

11) "that's my high school diary? where did you find it!?"

1) "what's up with cardio surgeons and their obsession with cutting people's hair?" (tedzona shenanigans)

“Okay, so nobody panic.”

“Teddy, do not start sentences with ‘nobody panic’ when you’re babysitting our daughter.”

“Right, yeah, no, that makes sense. I shouldn’t have started with that.”

“Teddy, what happened? Are you at the hospital?”

“Did you put me on speakerphone?”

“No, I thought I’d just fill Callie on the way to the hospital- yes, of course, I put it on speakerphone you led with ‘nobody panic’.”

“Fair enough.”

“Teddy, talk.”

“So, Sofia may or may not have managed to get some gum out of my purse and then she got it in her hair and I sort of panicked and may have cut her hair and then it was uneven, so I tried to fix it but uh, it’s not great, I’ll pay for her haircut or whatever-”

“Why didn’t you just use peanut butter?”

“Gee, Callie, where were you 45 minutes ago when your kid was losing her tiny mind?”

“We’ll be home in 20. It’ll be fine, Teddy. It’s just hair.”

“... so what’s up with cardio surgeons and their obsession with cutting other people’s hair?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cristina cut my hair once and if her skills are anything to go by, our poor baby is gonna look a mess. Her poor, beautiful hair, ruined by a cardio surgeon. You’d think all that delicate work would… are you even listening?”

“Um, no, I was flagging down our waiter so we could go deal with the two children.”

2) "I'm in an on call room crying my eyes out because I can't stop missing you. But you're not mine to miss anymore, are you?"

“Oh crap, sorry, I didn’t think anyone was-”

“Arizona?”

“Callie? … um, is everything okay?”

“Hm, oh, yeah, everything’s great.”

“Are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to… I should go…”

“I see you!”

“Sorry?”

“Bailey had this whole speech about who I want cheering next to me and I see you and now I’m in an on-call room crying my eyes out because I can’t stop missing you, can’t stop loving you. But you’re not mine to miss anymore, are you? You’re just… I don’t know, so fine and normal and encouraging and I don’t even think you care-”

“I don’t care? I don’t care? You’re the one with a girlfriend. You’re the one who’s moved on. You told me I suffocated you, that we both needed to be free. So I let you go, Callie. I let you go and I miss you all the time, but you’re really not mine to miss anymore. You have Penny and you moved on and you’re happy and I made you unhappy for so long, the least I can do is step back and let you move on without having to worry about me and my feelings. So, no, Callie, I’m not fine and I care so much it hurts, like it is a physical ache in my chest that never quite goes away.”

“What?”

“I don’t think I can move on from you. I don’t think I can ever love someone else like I love you.”

“You love me?”

“Callie-”

“No, no, I swear to God, Arizona, if you walk out that door… You said you love me!”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to stop… stop protecting me, stop trying to be a good man in a storm, just stop. I want you to actually tell me what you feel, what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t-”

“Please, Arizona.”

“What do you want me to say? That I love you. That I’ve been in love with you for years and I know I’m probably the worst person in the world for you and I don’t want to be selfish but I love you and it hurts and I don’t know what to do anymore. Because I want you to be happy, but I want you to be happy with me and every, every time I see you with someone else, it’s like a little more of me dies and it hurts and I am so tired of being in pain all the time. Because loving someone shouldn’t feel like dying, but loving you and knowing that I always, only ever hurt you, make you miserable, it makes it hard to breathe sometimes and I can’t… I should go… I’m sorry.”

“Wait, Arizona- Damn it.”

3) "and that's how I learned what ghosting is"

“And that’s how I learned what ghosting is. Did you like my presentation?”

“Sof, I think you’re presentation is supposed to be on the history of Halloween in Ireland, not on ghosts.”

“Ghosting, Mommy.”

“I don’t think that word means what you think it does.”

“And what does it mean, Arizona?”

“Stop laughing, Calliope. Just say ghosts, Sofia, not ghosting. Ghosting is something else. Something that immature adults do.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, isn’t ghosting the verb of ghosts? So if a ghost was doing ghost-y things, they’re ghosting.”

“That is technically right, I think.”

“No, it isn’t, Callie, and you know it, honestly. Sof, how about we re-work your presentation and Mama will go pick up dinner?”

“Pizza?”

“Yes, and she’ll even get the really good kind-”

“That’s like ten blocks away, c’mon, Arizona.”

“Shouldn’t’ve laughed.”

4) "you definitely have a type"

“So… that was Eliza Minnick… interesting.”

“Yep. Interesting.”

“What speciality is Carina Deluca again?”

“OB, why?”

“You definitely have a type.”

“I do not.”

“Um, yes, you kinda do. Brunette, kinda intense, speaks another language, doctors. Ortho, apparently. I suppose Carina was an outlier.”

“Oh shut up. Erica Hahn is blonde and well, she’s a bitch and I’m not, so maybe you just like blondes. Mark was blonde.”

“Okay, so we both have a type. But yours is way more specific.”

“Ugh, fine, I guess you’re right. You’re the hottest though.”

“Aw, thanks, babe. You’re not too bad yourself. Ow! Don’t pinch me, Arizona!”

5) "I want to Skype Teddy"

"Arizona it's 4 AM in Germany, leave Teddy alone"

(if there was no plane crash, but teddy still left)

“I need to call Teddy.”

“Arizona, it is 4 AM in Germany. Leave Teddy alone. She needs to sleep.”

“No, no, you don’t understand-”

“Of course, I don’t-”

“She said that I couldn’t skate the entire length of the hospital, she said it was impossible, but I was right and I did it-”

“And you managed to sprain your wrist and now you can’t operate for 4 weeks-”

“It’ll be good for Karev. I’m still calling Teddy. She owes me 20 bucks. But we’re not telling her about my wrist, okay?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Shh, it’s ringing.”

6) "why don't you two tell Sofia the story of how you managed to get banned from the local pool?"

“Why don’t you two tell Sofia the story of how you managed to get banned from the local pool?”

“Seriously, Torres?”

“Calliope.”

“No, no, I think you should have to tell our daughter.”

“It was Mark’s fault-”

“It was Robbins’ fault-”

“You pushed me first!”

“And then you pulled me in!”

“Pfft, I thought you’d be stronger, Mark. And anyway, you were the one who started flirting with that woman, even though she had a very obvious wedding band tan and then when her husband punched you, what was I supposed to do? Let some dude kick your ass?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, fine then, Calliope, next time Mark is getting his ass kicked, I’ll just let him.”

“You didn’t have to make the guy cry, Blondie.”

“You’re just sore because I managed to kick his ass while you were curled up on the ground protecting the Sloan nose.”

“It’s a good nose!”

[charmspoint]

Top 5 characters that live in your head rent free 🤔

For this ask meme

Oh god ONLY five??? GOOD QUESTION. This is gonna be hard to both decide on and rank fairly uhoh lets see, this ranking his shifty as hell depending on what I’m into atm obvs

5. Tsurugi Kamiya from Servamp

Does he look like a knock off Izaya? Yes. Is he? Very much no.

Tsurugi is like my no 1 reason for getting back into Servamp, I left right in the middle of his arc and I ;-; IS HE OKAY??? DID HE GET AWAY FROM TOUMA??? DID HE BECOME WRATHS EVE??? NOBODY TELL ME I’LL FIND OUT ON MY OWN.

Servamp was one of those shows where I didn’t really have a fav main character for a good while until this guy showed up. This guy is an absolute crazy little monster I can’t overemphasize on this, his coat is used as a fucking straight jacket I’m not even kiddin

You get introduced to him and he’s scary and terrifying because he’s so strong, like he’s one of those strongest in the series characters and since he and the heroes are on semi opposing sides he is a serious threat. So you get introduced to this guy who seems borderline crazy and feral and then...you get to see him goofing off with his two boyfriends and their kid and it’s just

The domesticity!!!!Look at it!!!! It’s so fucking cute aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, they are so cute together OT3 of C3 ftw, MY SON. Like Tsurugi had a horribly abusive childhood and was basically raised like an attack dog and his previous partner :) well he do be trying to seriously kill him don’t he. But look! He found his own little family he can be semi normal in!! Until is torn apart by his abusive adoptive father figure :D!!! I ABANDONED HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT ARC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im sorry this got so long on this particular character none of the others will be so long i just miss him TSURUGI ILL CATCH UP FOR YOU!!!! Maybe he should have been no 1 hbjhbjh fucking sleeper agents am i right

4. Izaya Orihara from Durarara

Ah yes, the og queen bitch. Has my taste for villains ever recovered from Izaya? No. If your villain isn’t at least a bit like Izaya I’m not interested. Durarara was one of my first serious fandoms and Izaya was the first character I ever wrote for and I think you can explain me as a person if you consider Izaya was my all time fav at 13. I can’t really say anything about Izaya that hasn’t been said thousands of times before, I love how goofy and overperformative he can be, I love how there’s so much in him once you crack him open, I love how good of a villain he is for a messy story such as DRRR, puppeteer villains are really a league of their own. We need more puppeteering twinks, maybe then I’d be more into villains yaknow.

3. Hawks from Boku no Hero Academia 

To no ones surprise!Him! I’ve been drifting off from BNHA recently what from catching bad case of JJK what from just reading n watching more other stuff and honestly that’s probably good because I’ve been into BNHA for a couple of years now as my main fandom and I really could have used a break. Not to say I don’t like BNHA anymore tbh I think right now BNHA is the best it’s ever been just ya know, drifting. That being said my love for Hawks will never die, god what a good boy and we got his backstory too aaa ;-;. BNHA was just like Servamp, something I liked but didn’t really have a fav character in until this random support character strolled in and won my heart. God I love how much we got on Hawks. He’s completely different from his initial impression and his unrelenting strive to do good despite being thrown from one horrible situation to the next is just ;-; HES SUCH A GOOD BOY. He’s selfless to a fault, literally putting everyone before himself and putting himself down for not being able to achieve more than is humanly possible I’m just ;-; I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY. He just makes my heart happy, he’s good and warm and hardworking and in a manga where trauma plays such a major role in so many characters it’s so good to see Hawks there, having been through three different types of hell and still coming out unnerving in his goodness. All I want for him is to have a good life and to one day be able to smile for real.

2. Gojo Satoru from Jujutsu Kaisen

Again no surprise since I’ve been so into jjk lately. Satoru is p high up rn cuz I’m mainly into JJK now but god knows where he will actually settle. He’s not even really my favorite character in the show, that goes to Inumaki, but this is a list of who I think about the most (tho all of these characters are either no 1 or no 2 for their shows) and boy my brother and foxy can tell you I’m constantly thinking about this bitch. I didn’t really care about him that much at the start but then I got to Hidden Inventory and OH BOY MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. Satoru is such a wonderfully complex character whos evolution you can clearly follow through the years. He’s under so much pressure as the strongest sorcerer to deal with everything and he has to operate in that system trying to change it for the better while at the same time trying to make sure his students arent sacrificed in the name of that change. He has a very goofy disposition but along side with Nanamin who’s a lot more explicit about it, it’s clear he cares about mental state of his students a whole lot. He knows this world is terrible and that the will come out of it with scars and that he can’t protect them from all of it, but he balances protecting and letting them grow as much as he can. They need to grow so jujutsu society can change after all, but they also need to be protected so they don’t fuckin die before that can happen. This is without all the many many opinions I have on Hidden Inventory and SatoSugu as a whole, how they influenced each other, how differently they reacted to their shared trauma (Funny how everyone on this list is fuckin traumatized) and what resulted from it. How their fucking love story is dramatic enough to be a Shakespeare play. Also I like it when he’s long and goofy ahahah

1. Chuuya Nakahara from Bungou Stray Dogs

Not to objectify men on main but I couldn’t choose a picture 

If there is ever a day when I don’t go feral over Chuuya I’ll probably be dead. He not only lives in my head rent free he owns the place.

HES SO UNDERUSED.

BSD has such a great setup with Chuuya, like he’s ex partners with the mentor of the main character who got betrayed and abandoned when the mentor left shared evil organization. Sounds like grounds for drama right? YOUD THINK SO. Like Chuuya and Dazai have such a great and interesting dynamic and you can feel how strained it is from the distance and betrayal and they bicker and fight as their defining relationship trait BUT there is such a strong underlying trust to all the fighting. These two trust each other with their whole lives and that hasn’t changed despite everything, despite how much time has passed and how much that trust had been tested. So you’d think he’d be an important character :) HES STUCK IN SUPPORT HONESTLY HES STUCK IN BACKGROUND UNLESS HES NEEDED TO DO SOMETHING COOL AAAAAA. Chuuya is literally one of a kind, I’ve never seen a character with such a good design and such an cool power and such an interesting relationship to one of the main characters and such a love and support from the fandom BE SO UTERLLY AND COMPLETLY WASTED. Even when we get Chuuya scraps they rarely build on relationship he has in canon but just throw in new random ones at him (tho that’s a broader problem of Kafka throwing new characters at the plot instead of developing the one he already has really). We get a hint of a cool fight with him? Completely cut out, More often then not it just feels like he is benched because he’s so damn strong there would just be no plot tension if he went in and broke some heads (which is also a problem with Satoru, guys stop writing op characters if you’ll just put em on the bus aaa). Anyway he’s completly and utterly wasted by the plot.

And it’s such a waste because he’s such a good character. Like he’s a member if the villain organization and is obviously by that very vicious and violent but also so empathetic and kind to people he considers his friends. He and Dazai have the brawn and brain thing going on and stg Chuuya is like the only brawn I can think of that is classier then their brain. Look at how this guy dressed, he’s high class gay, hat, choker, coat, gloves, he is bringing in the looks. I love how he can actually be completely calm and rational and put together but then put him with Dazai and it’s back to ‘we are 15 and we will scream out heads off at each other’, they are so childish. 

Anyway I love Chuuya he deserves to be treated better and I will never stop screaming about Chuuya ever