#anyway I kind of want to. well. I shan’t say

[criticalrolo]

wow I spend 2.5 weeks away from therapy and I SLIDE BACKWARDS huh

[tender-rosiey]

“IT’S LAUGHING?! IT’S ALIVE?!”

— gojo, geto, nanami, sukuna, and toji hearing the baby’s first laugh (f!reader)

a/n: guess who's back, back again then I will be gone again (probably)

GOJO SATORU:

your husband is, admittedly, a very funny guy.

his humor always manages to get to people one way or another, so even if he doesn’t get a laugh, he certainly gets some sort of reaction.

not with his little angel though, the one person that he would die to see her laugh.

no matter how much tickling or raspberries he blew, it was never a laugh, merely a smile or a very short giggle if he was lucky.

he would come across a ton of videos of babies having hearty laughs and simply wished to be able to get the same reaction out of his daughter.

it is the reason he is currently burying his face in your chest and whining, “I feel like she thinks I am just not that funny.”

“satoru, she is still a baby,” you hum, fingers carding through his hair, “you know that babies have different views about what is actually funny; actually, I saw baby not long ago at a photo of number eleven. it was so cute!”

“but I tried everything! even the unusual!” he huffs, standing up to retell all of his failed attempts, “I tried dropping stuff, quickly stirring a liquid, lightly touching her with a balloon—everything!”

he looks at his daughter with his best puppy eyes, “come on, d/n! isn’t there anything that would you laugh a belly laugh?”

a little idea pops into your head. giggling, you sneak off leaving your daughter trying to comfort her wailing papa the best she can.

d/n is caught up with satoru until you finally come back and she smiles, “mama!”

“hi baby!” you grin before smacking your husband—lightly but not so lightly—with a roll of newspaper.

he yelps, “y/n! why would you do that?!”

but he is cut off by his little girl laughing, and I mean laughing so hard she kind of leans back.

you wait until she is quiet again before smacking him with the roll one more time, and she, once more, starts laughing heartily with small little wheezes and a long breath in the end when she calms down.

your husband, mortified, picks his daughter up, “d/n! you’re not supposed to laugh when papa gets hit! you’re supposed to get sad!”

she starts giggling and kicking her feet, putting her hand lightly on his nose. she tilts her head confused, and satoru thinks he knows what she is waiting for him to say. he shan’t falter!

at least, that’s what he thinks.

d/n takes matter into her own hands and smacks him on the forehead, resulting in him yelping and her going into a laughing fit that lasted a minute or so.

how unfortunate that his most precious takes pleasure in him being hurt.

his head snaps towards you, but he guesses that it makes sense since you also love teasing him so much.

a bunch of devils he says! two cute devils he laments.

GETO SUGURU:

geto is convinced that he was blessed with two angels, her cute little twins from his beautiful wife, you. he is also convinced that they would do no wrong—which is like what wrong can a baby a couple months old do anyway.

he ignores how gojo screams about being bullied by the girls, how that one mean babysitter was yapping about how they most definitely threw their toys at her intentionally, and how miguel syas that the girls always hide his glasses because they love seeing his stressed face.

to geto suguru, his daughters could do no wrong.

aside from that, he also noticed that his daughters love playing with hair, sometimes eating it which makes him scream but oh well.

for the most part, they know to treat their father’s hair gently as they watch you and himself do it.

that’s why he never thought that his darling angels would get their first belly laughs by pulling on his freaking bangs.

each twin holds one of the bangs and with all their baby power, they pull and pull almost like they want to tear it off his head.

and while he adores that his daughter are laughing so much—for the first time too—that they stumble back almost turn red, but he really doesn’t want to bald before heat least reaches his 50 or something.

another problem is that you never interfere unless he straight up screams for your help.

that made him realize how much of a common occurrence it is and he finally decided that he needed to put his foot down.

so he sat his girls down—including you because you’ve tolerated the violation of your husband’s hairline so much—and took a deep breath.

“girls, we need to learn that papa’s hair is fragile and we shouldn’t pull on it so much,” he turns to you with the quirk of an eyebrow. “right, honey?”

you barely hold back your smile before nodding and loyally supporting your husband, “why, of course, my love!”

he rolls his eyes, “so, be good girls and don’t pull on my bangs, please?”

one of the twins, while the other frowns and starts fussing. you lock eyes with your husband, and you both try to telepathically figure how to handle this, until your other twin starts crying.

now, you have two crying babies.

congratulations!

so your husband concedes and kneels in front of them, bravely offering his bangs. almost instantly, they stop crying and start pulling the bangs on their respective sides.

they start laughing and squealing again, and geto starts to think that balding is a small price to pay for his angels’ happiness.

he should probably stop calling them that though.

NANAMI KENTO:

now, in constrant to nanami, his daughter came out all bubbly and smiley, and it had nanami going as soft as a marshmallow.

it also didn’t help that d/n is convinced that her dad is indeed a marshmallow in which that she could only touch him softly.

she would gently pat his cheeks, press clumsy little kisses to his forehead, and squeal in order to cuddle with you or him. she also is extremely empathetic and starts crying whenever she sees someone hurt or genuinely frowning.

that was also the reason why gojo adored her since her crying cut anyone’s session of bullying him short. though, of course, he buys her a ton of toys to make up and comfort her.

he fails to realize that the true way to comfort her is to place in your arms or nanami’s.

like that one time when she bumped her head lightly and started crying profusely, throwing punches at gojo who was supposed to be babysitting her—poor choice but who am I to judge. she screamed and squirmed, demanding she be comforted.

however, none of the toys gojo bought were working.

and the two of you were called into a mission, so he literally is rendered helpless. that is until nanami returns a tad bit early than planned, and satoru couldn’t have been more relieved.

he hurriedly places d/n in kento’s arms, and the little girl takes a few seconds to realize who is holding her now.

she looks up, smiling at her dad. he instantly smiles back, “hey there,” he hums, “did you miss me?”

anyway back to what i was saying: a very sensitive and empathetic baby, right?

so when one day, you have your girl perched on your lap and nanami is going all out with scolding gojo, no one expects your daughter to burst one laughing.

you giggle, looking at her, “d/n, you like seeing papa scold uncle gojo?”

gojo gasps, “what?!”

you usher your husband, “babe, try it again!”

nanami nods with determination and gathers everything gojo ever bothered him with and translates it into a bunch of very child-friendly insults.

with each reproach, gojo deflates and d/n starts laughing more, squealing and wheezing. your husband abandons the crushed gojo and goes to hold d/n in his hands, “you okay there?”

she squeals and reaches for her feet, eyes never leaving her father’s. you coo, “she is so cute!”

“I never imagined my daughter would laugh at the sight of me, out of all people, scolding gojo.”

a very wounded gojo screams, “well I sure did! you family of haters!”

your husband frowns, but before he can talk, d/n cups his face and starts babbling a bunch of nonsense. nonetheless, your husband hangs onto every bit of said nonsense. 

gojo takes that chance to flee to the hills.

meanwhile, you’re holding a camera and recording the lecture(?) your tiny angel is giving your husband.

RYOMEN SUKUNA:

your baby is the son of the all-mighty king of curses.

the man who sends terrors throughout the lands, the mere sight of his face is enough to cause someone to pee themselves.

everyone cowers in front of him, except you and more recently his son. on the contrary, in fact, your son can’t help but cackle whenever his dad puts on his “scary” face.

the first time it ever happened was when you were strolling the palace with s/n in your arms.

you know not to enter the throne room whenever sukuna has the villagers over to “hear their complains” as it almost always ended with him slicing one part of their body off.

you figured that it would be okay to at least pass by it since they always had the door closed—that started when you gave birth—but to your surprise, the door was open this time, giving you and your son a front row seat to sukuna degrading his subject.

“you’re wasting my time,” your husband states, and the villagers starts panicking.

“a-apologies my lord, pl-please grant me a-another chance!”

your husband scowls, “and now you’re ordering me around?”

the villager starts crying and kneels to the ground. on the other hand, your son couldn’t have been laughing more. his laugh echoed so loudly in the room that it drew everyone’s attention.

sukuna stares at the baby in your arms and scowls again, “y/n, why is he here?”

your son squeals and starts laughing again, hiding his face in your chest. you light up at his laughter, and sukuna finds himself livid at how the scene makes him feel content—until he notices the villager staring at you as well, what a short-lived happiness.

swiftly, sukuna slashes the villagers into cubes, and your son—who came out of his hiding spot—bursts into a fit of giggles that has you wondering just how much of sukuna’s sadism was passed to your darling son.

while you ponder over that, sukuna quickly makes his way to you, dismissing all the servants and tasking them with taking out the trash.

when your husband is right in front of you, you look up at him with a frown, “my son is laughing at torture, sukuna.”

“he is probably laughing at how pathetic the man looked,” he says as he smirks and pulls you close.

you huff and bounce s/n lightly, “shut up, old man.”

sukuna quirks an eyebrow and leans to be on your eye level. his hand is placed on your head, and he threatens, “you’re insulting your husband?”

s/n gasps lightly before harshly latching on sukuna’s face, fingers digging into his second pair of eyes. sukuna does not give any reaction except standing up to his full height.

your son, however, is relentless and is still hanging onto your husband’s face.

you don’t know how to react. sukuna doesn’t know how to react.

s/n just lets out a series of battle cries.

FUSHIGURO TOJI:

if there is anything that toji is doubtful of is whether his son actually loves him or not.

why you ask? well, the only thing that gets the kid laughing—aside from you laughing or smiling—is literally any inconvenience that happens to him.

he remembers that one time when shiu was over to discuss some business, nothing out of the norm. megumi was on just sat on his high chair beside toji since you were at work.

toji was just sipping on his coffee when he burned his tongue, “gosh damn it!”

shiu was about to make fun of him, but megumi beat him to it as he started laughing heartily, even taking breaths in between to calm down but to no avail.

toji’s eyes widen as he stands up to go to his son, “no way you’re laughing at me getting—what the hell?!”

toji groans after he bumps into the table, glaring at his son who starts laughing all over again. meanwhile, shiu chuckles and teases toji, “I think your son just loves you so much, doesn’t he?”

your husband rises to his feet, quickly carrying megumi and lifting him in the air. he grumbles, “I want my wife back.”

another time was when you guys grocery shopping.

you had most of the list crossed out and the only thing left was the frozen vegetables. easy, right?

so you, your husband, and son quickly made your way to the section—since megumi wanted to go to the park later to play with yuuji.

megumi stays in your arms, while toji goes to grab them. considering how unlucky this man is, the bag slips from his hand and falls flat on his face, and it freaking stays there.

to your darling son, comedy had never reached this peak, so he lets out a guttural laugh.

you want to join in on the laughter, but you noticed that toji is standing still, with the bag on his face.

so you walk to him, gently taking off the bag and teasing him, “you okay, champ? that made quite the noise.”

“don’t even start,” he groans and buries his face in your shoulder, ignoring the wheezing megumi. he then starts complaining, “they keep whining about how he is a quiet and shy kid, but he sure ain’t with me.”

“isn’t that a good thing? It’s important for him to feel free around his dad.”

he turns his head towards you, a frown plastered on his face, “no kid laughs whenever his dad gets ridiculed by life.”

“you told me that you laughed when your dad fell down a flight of stairs,” you deadpan.

“that’s because my dad is an ass; I am not,” he pauses, “for the most part.”

apparently, megumi senses his dad’s distress and starts slowly patting his head, albeit shyly. he lowers his gaze and mumbles, “so’y.”

toji’s eyes widen and he is frozen in place for a moment. your son takes note of that and starts staring him in the eye, waiting for his reaction.

your husband doesn’t take long for a small smile to break out as he lets a small sigh, “’s okay kid,” he hums and pets his head.

taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @sonder-paradise @jessbeinme15s-notebook @todorokichills @ginneko @missrown @shrynkk @simplyxsinned @beautiful-is-boring @starlostlaiba @izukus-gf @irethepotato @thekaylahub @dazaisbloodybandages @aeanya @sweetcloudsimp @moon-catto @the-midnightskies@pianopuppygirl @gojosblackqueen @kryscent @kunikida-simp @whoami-72 @mx-0-child @fiona782 @kisakitwister @imjustasimpxd @psychopotatomeme @dreamcastgirl99 @watyousayin @doobiebochana @laylasbunbunny @hojicha-expresso @4sat0ruu @nineooooo @chuuyasboots @alekssashka7 @rieejjyubi02 @satoryaa @nothisispatrick300 @fallencrescentmoon @etheviese @ho34gojo @the-mom-friend-dot-com @the-weeping-author @stray-npc @libbyistired @anon1412 @anakalana @maehemthemisfit @satorustar @b4nka1 @sad-darksoul @ko-fi-heart @pumpkindudeishere @suyaaachin @babyqueen17 @chaosguy352 @murakami-kotone @sukun4ryomen @yumieis @hearts4itoshi @sleepyxxhead @dunixxd @sleepycrybbylaiah @imjustaduckwholikesbread @emilyyyy-08 @spacebaby1 @arabellatreaty @girlnamedutsu

copyright © tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[the-one-who-lambs]

"Propose," for @bamsara

HI YOUR DOODLES INSPIRED ME HERE'S A POETRY ATTACK. rambling below the cut.

At first, the death waltz is a misstep.

A sickening skeletal crack, a shape of an invisible scythe.

Sincerity is too kind a lie, but His sacrosanct

Protection (you think)

Lets you rise once more.

Death cannot keep you, but you would let Him

If he welcomes you.

You only believe what He thinks you should know.

The flames engulf you after the smoke does,

But your soul has nearly shed its corpse when you see them.

You stand in the vast chain-bound sanctuary and breathe

Fully (your lungs don’t remember being choked).

It is the first of a fitful of

Scorn and surprises and bone fingertips pressed against your skin.

He helps you to your feet.

Your heart should not beat here. In the infiniteness of your bosom it awakens.

The very semblance of the jagged-bare flesh

Encircling your neck is an intimacy in itself.

The blissful torment of the swordsman’s blade

Releases (so close to peril)

And He is already in your periphery.

Call it duty. Call it love.

Choose it as the last decision you’ll ever make.

Fate’s a tarot pull. You draw your card with eyes sealed shut.

You are a disgraced, depraved approximation of a person.

The chill of his embrace is warmer than the hands

That build the bonfire. It is in the name of

Someone (you shan’t say who)

And in the ashes of your grief your reflection

Stares back with three eyes.

The temptation to burn yourself seeps out,

Ichor-like. You don’t die tonight, not yet.

A careful drip of poison. The aftertaste of iron

In your mouth: communion seeping into your own goblet.

A moonshine moment of annihilation, however brief

Before (infectious, echoing, comforting)

You bleed out. You hope you die today.

He hopes you die today. It’s an

Ambrosial veil between you.

You slip beneath it with a sweet hello.

It’s never quite intentional until

The myths surrounding Him fall away.

The secrets you keep are shared, kept safe

Until (your reunion, this time, was not quite an accident)

They are intertwined: you are inescapably

Lonely and in your separate spheres

You vie for dominance. It’s a furious, bloodsoaked rendezvous.

It was always He who waited, but you’ll be patient.

He feels you in every dream. You

Stop time with your voices.

It’s His frustration melting away

With your kisses (you’re not there yet)

And makes Him yours, in freedom,

Dependent on nothing nobody you himself

The fetters are invisible but you hear them

Rattling every time your heart beats.

Your breath need not return anymore so you

Relearn to dodge the aim of an arrow, the pierce of a blade.

Living is foul, a promise half-hidden,

Desperate. (It lingers on your tongue.)

Death bound you together. You know how to die.

You have to remind yourself that heaven lays barren.

It will not hold you

Should Death keep you apart.

Get appreciated idiot /pos /lh

So, this was inspired by this post, which was super wholesome and sweet, but I couldn't write this without infusing it with the urgency and anxiety and sense of danger that looms over The Rehabilitation of Death. Bits and pieces of references to your AU are sprinkled in throughout. I hope you (and my readers and your readers as well) enjoy picking apart the themes here!

I actually wrote this live on stream last night! I made sure none of my friends were streaming before I started because I didn't want to miss anyone if someone was already live, but then you started streaming like 10 minutes later and I was like FUCK now I wanna watch you. But after a couple of hours on my new extra-hard CotL save (OUCH), I switched to writing and just... hoped you wouldn't pop in because I wanted this to be a surprise. For most of the writing part of the stream this poem was titled "IF SARA STOPS STREAMING SEND ME A WARNING."

Anyway, we don't usually get to talk more than a couple times per week because we both have Shit To Do, but you are SO FUN to be around and I am so so glad I met you!! Your friendship is a blessing and your creativity is a gift.

Also posted to AO3 as onethirdofimpossible here!

[avida-heidia-5]

Thanks muchly for the tag, @kaossbells! That was quite a challenge! I had to think really long and hard about some of these questions. 😮‍💨🥰😘

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A measly 5. Yeeeeaaaah…I really need to post more stories more often! 😅 I’m more of an artist these days.

Luckily, I got infected by the writing bug this year thanks to my involvement in the F1 Big Bang fanfic event, so I hope that number will increase significantly this year. 🙏🏻

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

18,354. Again, hoping for more.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly F1. I’m planning on writing more fandoms I have an interest in such as Merlin, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, and The Legend Of Zelda. Maaaaaybe some Depeche Mode in the near future as well… 🤔

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

1) Miracles Happen at the Right Place at the Right Time (F1)

2) As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear (F1)

3) Deep Tenebrosity (Merlin)

4) For The Sake Of Nature (F1)

5) My Soul Begs For Your Return (F1)

Yep, that’s all of them! 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

For comments in general, oftentimes, I read a fic that’s so god tier that I don’t have any or enough words to express myself. If that happens, I always make sure to leave a comment anyway - descriptive or not - that I hope would make an author’s day. 💖

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Deep Tenebrosity. It’s a bit open-ended and left to interpretation though as it’s an alternative scene of an episode of Merlin I wasn’t satisfied with. I’m definitely thinking of including some more angst for future fics though. It’s my favourite kind of ending compared to happy ones. Not that I hate happy endings. I love them, don’t get me wrong, I just love sad and angsty endings more.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Miracles Happen. It’s definitely the happiest ending I’ve written so far. The rest of my fics have either normal endings or sad ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! So far, at least.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It’s not on AO3 (yet!), but I’m working on sneaking some smut into a few chapters of For The Sake Of Nature. 😏 It’s a long way yet though, so don’t get tooo excited. Shan’t spoil… 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover before. However, I’m thinking of writing a Depeche Mode/IAMX crossover fic at some point. It’s still in the planning stages, so nothing concrete yet. I need to finish all my other WIPs I have stacked up in my hard drive first before I get too ahead of myself! 😵‍💫💫 You know how it is.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

I would really love to pitch an idea to fanfic websites to put a watermark or a copyright filter on your own fanfics, if it’s even possible. Maybe a certificate of authenticity of some kind? I would happily do that to every single one of my fics to prevent dirty thieves from stealing them. Please, make it happen!!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No, as far as I’m aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

No, but I would really love to someday. 🤩

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

If it’s F1 RPF, it’s a toss-up between Simi and Martian. But seeing as we’ve just had Simi day, I’ll go for them. They are just the sweetest pairing. 🥰😘

If it’s any other fandom, that’s a bit harder! I’ll say Blackbonnet from the OFMD fandom for now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

For The Sake Of Nature, definitely! It’s a veeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooow process. I’ll get it done eventually! Promise! 😬🙏🏻

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I love being adventurous in my vocab when it comes to writing. I’ve read so many books and consumed so many dictionaries when I was very young, so that might have something to do with it. You learn a lot from reading books. From knowing how to structure a sentence, to how dialogue is written and where they’re appropriate to use, to certain language and behavioural ticks from characters, to describing unique locations and objects. It’s very fascinating and they help massively with my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

The only thing I struggle with is not so much about the writing side of things, but it’s all about time management. As in making a plan of posting fanfics on certain dates and times and never getting around to doing it because of my usually packed schedule.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I’m lucky to have friends on Discord and Tumblr who speak in their native tongues to help me out if I ever get stuck. I don’t trust the internet, so I rely on them for language authenticity.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Merlin!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

Urrrrmmm…I don’t really have one! Though having said that, I enjoyed writing dialogue for Kimi in As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear! You can write absolutely anything when you’re writing a drunk Finn! Easiest job in the world! 🤣🤣🤣

I tag @miss-malheur, @msmirrorball21, @formulaes5, @hungriestheidi, @wanderingblindly, and anyone who sees this and wants to participate. Please ignore if you’ve already done this or don’t want to do it, that’s completely fine. 😊

[ken-dom]

You have twins? That's so cool. Mind me asking how old they are? Boys? Girls?

Also, it's kind of comforting/encouraging to hear that you're a mom, and still really active in fandom.

I wanna be a mom soon too, but I keep having this nasty thought in the back of my mind that I'm gonna have to quit any fandoms if I do that...idk why.

Sorry if this a weird ask!

It’s not a weird ask but sorry if this is a weird answer because I get into it a bit here 😂

I do! And I think it’s pretty cool too haha. They’re toddlers, about to start full time school and they’re non-identical (I’m a hyperovulator so it’s genetic in my case!) girls.

Honestly, in my case, I took a huge break from fandom BEFORE having them, not really by choice, I just fell out of it a bit when an old fandom I was in died down and then my pregnancy was hard and, well I shan’t bore you with the details, but it was a journey. Anyway, having my children helped me really find myself again and that’s when I got back into writing and being more active in fandom. The distraction of fandom from real life also helps soothe my trauma but that’s a whole other story 😂

All this is to say that a lot of people will tell you your life is over when you have kids. I think that’s bullshit (if you actually want to have kids, that is). For me, as someone who wanted children, it’s when my life kickstarted, even with some new trauma added to the old.

And I think there’s too much online about anyone over 20 or whatever being too old for fandom which doesn’t help, but fandom wouldn’t exist without ‘older’ people and there are plenty of us over 20 here enjoying ourselves. Being a parent is no different to that.

Basically. You never, ever need to quit fandom, and actually it can be a really helpful tool when you’re a parent to switch off the worries and whatever else comes with having kids! 💖

[2apples-tall]

Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl

A small kinda funny kinda sweet fic about a class taking refugee from a rainstorm in Aziraphale’s bookshop and Aziraphale having no idea what to do with them

A school trip was all it took to ruin Aziraphale’s day. Well a school trip and a rainstorm. Well a school trip, a rainstorm, and a very overworked teacher who was also having a bad day.

The local elementary school’s 4th grade class was taking a trip to a few museums in the area, all within walking distance, so the teacher took her class through soho to the museums. Until it started to rain and they were all escorted by a very lovely older man into a warm bookshop.

You see Aziraphale, being the angel he is, couldn’t stand seeing those poor kids and that poor teacher get drenched out on the street “Oh no, I insist it is no trouble at all.” He assured the teacher, who informed him her name was Ms. Jones “I’m sure this rain will let up soon”

“Thank you so much, I would run to get some umbrellas but I can’t leave them” Ms. Jones said apologetically, “It’s a small school so there were no other chaperones and I technically didn’t need any for just 10 kids”

The poor girl sounded exhausted so Aziraphale, the angel, got her a nice cup of tea and offered her a seat. This was the particular and exact second things began to go horribly wrong, the kids began…

….I shan’t say it….

pulling the books off the shelves.

Aziraphale did not spend enough time around any sort of children to realize this would happen because kids, especially 9 year olds, we’re very curious.

“Hey mister why don’t these have any pictures?” Said one little boy with snot dripping dangerously close to a first addition of Pride and Prejudice.

“Oh dear,” Aziraphale pulled the book as carefully as he could from the boy’s sticky fingers. “We’ll these books are very old and very uninteresting to you kids, how about…” he paused frantically looking at the books that had already made their way onto the ground. “A magic show!”

“My mommy says magic is devil worship” pipped up a little girl as she flipped haphazardly through a very old and expensive copy of The Invisible Man.

“Right” probably not his best idea anyway.

Ms. Jones, much to Aziraphale’s dismay, was quite proud of her students for taking an interest in the literature at the store and made no efforts to keep them away from books, what kind of teacher would try to STOP kids from reading?

Aziraphale began feeling very un-angelic as he thought of ways to get these kids away from his precious books. Maybe un-angelic is exactly what I need.

Aziraphale opened the door to his back room to find Crowley napping on the sofa. More often than not Aziraphale would walk into this sight and stare, sometimes until Crowley woke up, but there was no time. Very sadly Aziraphale shook the demon’s shoulder until he awoke with a groggy “ngk”

“Good morning dear” Aziraphale beamed down at him

“What’s wrong?” Crowley asked, waking up quicker than he had his whole life. He could practically smell the angels distress.

“We’ll I need you to get some.. people out of the bookshop” Aziraphale said sheepishly

“Why? What’re they doing?” Crowley stood up ready to destroy any human that thought they could mess with his angel’s shop.

“It’s umm just some kids” He admitted quietly

“What”

“It’s a class of kids! They’re going to ruin all my books! I want you to scare them away” Aziraphale crossed his arms looking expectantly at his demon.

“Really angel?” Crowley smiled and shook out his shoulders, slowly slithering down until he was a huge black snake.

Crowley lurked through the shelves until he saw a young girl all pigtails and floral bows. One good scare and the whole class’ll leave

He crept slowly towards her and brushed his scaly side against her ankle, just enough that he expected a scream but instead received gentle fingertips running down his back. She began to pet him.

“Oh what a cute little snake” She crouched to her knees and ran her hands all down his back “Such pretty scales”

Great I got the one little girl in the whole world that actually likes snakes.

Crowley darted back to his sofa and resumed his former shape.

“These kids are tough Angel” Crowley said as nonchalantly as he could after being practically cuddled.

“Please Crowley” Aziraphale gave him that look, that damned look that made Crowley’s knees buckle and head go foggy.

Crowley sauntered out, ready to throw each pesky kid out by the collar if he had to. Or at least that’s what he told himself until the little girl with pigtails looked up at him with tears shining in her eyes.

“Sir did you see where Mr. Snake went? I wanted to be his friend but he ran away”

Dammit.

Crowley kneeled down “You know that um snake is actually a… particularly good friend of mine, and he asked me to tell you erm that he would love to be your friend but his.. owl friend needed him for something very very important” He struggled with the words but thankfully the girl didn’t seem to mind. She just laughed a little and grabbed his shirt sleeve to pull him into the center of the class.

“This guy is funny! And he knows a snake that’s friends with an owl!” She announced

“Ooh” The class gathered around his legs and sat on the floor gazing up at him “Will you tell us about Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl?”

“Oh absolutely” Crowley smiled, he had 6000 years of stories, most, well at least some of them had to be child friendly.

Aziraphale watched, with hearts in his eyes, as Crowley began telling animated stories of the two of them. The children hung onto every word as Crowley spun the tale of Mr. Snake and Mr. Owl as knights, then told them about the pair seeing Shakespeare, then he told about them preforming a spectacular magic show. Aziraphale flushed a bit as Crowley told that last story but he had kept it tame enough. Aziraphale quietly cleaned up all of the books thanking Crowley and God none of them had been damaged.

“Oh look at that, the rain stopped” Ms. Jones said almost sad to leave the warm shop and fun stories “Thank you so much for letting us stay here for the moment and tell your husband he’s an amazing story teller, he should write a novel”

“Oh we’re not, um, I’ll, I will tell him” Aziraphale blushed and stumbled as he opened the door for her.

“Come on kids,” she waited a second while none of them moved. She sighed and called out “Are you ready kids!”

“Aye aye Captain!” 10 tiny voices answered as they quickly lined up behind her.

“Lovely” Ms. Jones counted each head twice then turned again to Aziraphale “Thank you again this was a much better day than I had hoped for”

“Bye bye Mr. Snake, thank you!” Called Pigtails

Crowley chucked and waved at the class as they walked out the door.

“I had no idea you were so good with kids” Aziraphale remarked

“I had no idea you were so rubbish with them” Crowley smirked.

“Well now,”

[goodqueenaly]

You're great at answering Asoiaf what ifs, so I'm hoping you could give me your opinion on one. Do you think anything would have changed for the Starks at KL during AGOT if Ned had given Sansa the wolf pack lecture instead of Arya? It seems that Sansa was more in need of it after everything that happened. Or did he pretty much consider her more of a Lannister than a Stark at this point, and knew she needed to put Joffrey ahead of her family?

To be clear, it's not like Ned didn't give Sansa something of the same lesson very shortly before his conversation with Arya, albeit in warning rather than in private discussion:

Sansa lifted her head. “It will be a splendid event. You shan’t be wanted.”

Anger flashed across Father’s face. “Enough, Sansa. More of that and you will change my mind. I am weary unto death of this endless war you two are fighting. You are sisters. I expect you to behave like sisters, is that understood?”

Sansa bit her lip and nodded. Arya lowered her face to stare sullenly at her plate. She could feel tears stinging her eyes. She rubbed them away angrily, determined not to cry.

As far as Ned might have seen in that moment, Sansa had taken his words to heart - openly nodding in agreement - while Arya had resisted any outward show of the same. In turn, when Arya lost her temper at dinner and locked herself in her room, Ned may well have thought that he needed to give Arya a more personalized version of the reminder he had tried to impress upon both of them earlier.

Nor do I think it's fair to say that Ned at any time "consider[ed] [Sansa] more of a Lannister than a Stark ... and knew she needed to put Joffrey ahead of her family". Indeed, the above is not the only time he showed open irritation toward Sansa's lack of sororal feeling toward Arya. When Sansa assumed, following the dress incident, that her father had called the two of them in for some parental censuring and immediately blamed Arya - even adding that Arya "tries to spoil everything, Father, she can’t stand for anything to be beautiful or nice or splendid", Ned told Sansa "Enough", in a voice "sharp with impatience”. Likewise, following his announcement to the two of them that he would be sending them back to Winterfell, Ned pointedly responded to Sansa's protest by saying that "I'm not sending you away for fighting, though the gods know I'm sick of you two squabbling". Naturally as well, Ned was not at all afraid to break the betrothal between Sansa and Joffrey, even before he confronted Cersei about her children's paternity, because of the danger he (not incorrectly) saw was posed to the Starks by the Lannister faction; in this moment certainly, what mattered to Ned was Sansa's status as his daughter and a Stark, not any loyalty she should have to Joffrey.

I'm not saying I don't wish we had more Ned-Sansa scenes, and I'm not saying that Ned could not have been more communicative with Sansa during their time in King's Landing together. But I don't think what happened to Ned, Sansa, and Arya (as well as the Stark household in King's Landing) had anything to do with Ned not telling Sansa (in a heart-to-heart conversation, anyway) that she should show Arya more familial love. Ned, as an ask I got once put it so well, kind of done goofed in his role as Hand; additionally, his unwillingness and failure to explain anything to his daughters about why they were leaving King's Landing on the day he decide (and why Sansa could not say goodbye to Joffrey before they left) motivated Sansa to reveal information to Cersei which Cersei then used to imprison Sansa and set a trap for Arya (as well as attempt to catch her).

[adhd-merlin]

merlin S1 rewatch: episode 6

it’s been a hot minute! today’s commentary is about episode 1x06, A Remedy to Cure All Ills. which I re-watched more than a month ago actually, but I’ve been busy.

just some random comments and thoughts (as usual), and not an actual review or analysis.

I think this episode is extremely underrated – I loved it the first time I watched it, and I still thoroughly enjoyed it on my rewatch. yes, it’s kind of a filler episode with a very traditional Villain of the Week format – but it's a great villain.

Julian Rhind-Tutt’s performance as Edwin is great and I love a suave, smooth-talking, scheming villain as much as the next person. The way he manipulates people, never suggesting anything outright but playing on people’s fears and biases, only saying just enough to make them reach the conclusion he wants. Something very Richard III about it. Very Iago.

EDWIN: “No… I shan’t say”

Another thing I love about this episode is the rare (unique?) instance of Merlin showing his magic to another sorcerer whom he isn't suspicious of (the audience knows Edwin is the Bad Guy, of course, but at this point Merlin doesn't).

I can’t think of another moment like this in the series. Freya didn’t actually have magic. There is Gilli, but when Merlin reveals his magic to him he already knows of the boy's intention to kill Uther, and it is a last attempt to stop Gilli from committing regicide without putting him in harm’s way. Merlin's relationship with Mordred and the Druids was always complicated by prophecies and by his role as Emrys.

But there’s none of that here. Edwin tells Merlin that magic can be used for good, and that it can be ENJOYED! which is all Merlin ever wanted to hear. And it’s a bit heartbreaking to see the hope on Merlin's face, knowing all that is going to happen later in the series.

I also loved the previous interaction between Merlin and Edwin:

“It can’t explain love”!! He’s a romantic. He loves love 🥺🥺🥺

I think the writers lost sight of Edwin’s motive a bit by the time they got to the ending. He’s not content with just killing Uther, he also wants to… rule the kingdom? And he tells Merlin they can do it together? (a concept revisited in the Cornelius Sigan episode). I don't think it works well.

I think Edwin’s final evil speech would have been way more impactful if he had tried to appeal to Merlin’s empathetic side, instead of his non-existent thirst for power, and reminded him of all the suffering Uther caused and why he deserved to die. I guess that would be a moral dilemma that deserves more than a few minutes of screen time to be resolved satisfactorily, and we’re already at the end of the episode at this point.

The series does dwell on it in To Kill the King, to be fair, but I think the “why not just let Uther die?” dilemma could have been presented before then. (Merlin's momentarily hesitation at healing Uther at the end is more to do with his fear of being seen using magic by Uther than by an actual reluctance to save the king.)

Anyway. I still think this is a very good episode overall, even with its relatively weak ending.

Other random thoughts:

The random-ass reference to alchemy. Something that wasn’t elaborated on, nor ever mentioned again (??) Missed opportunity imo.

Gaius is made "a free man of Camelot", whatever that means. (Does it mean that he, like Merlin, is not from Camelot? Or is it some kind of special privilege? We don’t know. I think maybe in Love at the Time of Dragons Gaius mentions something about he and Alice coming to Camelot but I can’t remember and I can’t be bothered to check now)

Some excellent display of brotherly concern from Arthur when Morgana falls sick. He's the one pushing for Uther to call for Edwin. We love to see it

Merlin and Gaius all but call each other father and son. DON’T TOUCH ME.

Gaius was 100% ready to let Uther die if it meant saving Merlin’s life. btw.

Gaius and Uther. WHAT ARE THEY

All the heavy hints at Gaius’s acting as a Category Traitor in the Great Purge + the only instance of Gaius talking to Kilgharrah (!!!) I am obsessed with it

The paralles between Uther & Gaius and Arthur & Merlin. I feel absolutely normal about it

“Now, open your eyes, My Lord. I want my face to be the last face you ever see.” -> I don’t care if it’s cliched, this line fucks

MERLIN CLAIMS ANOTHER VICTIM, AT LAST!! I was starting to worry but finally my baby is back to killing people :)

[trashlie]

FP 217 (in which i scream from the rafters)

When I said I shan’t say anymore I meant in that post not tonight beCAUSE I WILL NOT SHUT UP TONIGHT. When was the last time I got a FP thoughts post out this fast?! Have I ever?! 

THERE WAS NO MORPHINE! THERE WAS NO MORPHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS ALL SHINAE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THAT PEACE AND CALM IS BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO LEAN ON HER BECAUSE SHE STAYED BY TO WATCH OVER HIM AND WAIT FOR HIM TO WAKE 

IT WAS ALL! BECAUSE! IT’S HER!!!!!!!!!!!

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t... But I like this silence”

I DON’T LIKE THE SILENCE BUT IT’S OKAY IF IT’S WITH YOU. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt peaceful like this...”

I’M AT PEACE BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE

I’M GONNA SCUTTLE UP A WALL YOU GUYS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I was here going “okay u know what the morphine is probably making him calm but still surely the fact that Shinae is there is part of why he feels okay” AND IT TURNS OUT THAT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF AFTER ALL?! LISTEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?! NOL? BLUSHING?! NOL?! 

Like okay there is a LOT to unpack in this episode and I SHOULD go to bed soon but I want to try to spit out as much as I can while it’s all raw and bouncing around in my head because it’s just going to rattle around if I try to go to sleep ANYWAY. 

I... have so many thoughts about this episode and I’m just like a crow sitting on a wall cawing AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nol my boy. My guy. My dude. My problematic fave. You have just been awakened AAAHHHHHHHHH

NO BUT does this not tie in to what I was just yelling about - how Nol and Shinae exist in/are forged in these pockets of quiet, in these moments of still, they grow through the shadows outside of other peoples’ eyes. I once talked somewhere on here about how if you look at the Relationship Rectangle of Kousuke, Shinae, Nol, and Alyssa, Nol and Shinae are, arguably, the ones who share the most intimate/closest relationship - but they are also notably the ones who are are not seen. Meg was so surprised that Nol and Shinae were close enough that he had her number and tried calling her to find her at the black and white gala. Sure, of course, Nol and Meg aren’t close, how would she know. But we kind of saw a sense of this with Yui, too, who continually aligned Shinae towards Kousuke. Again, bias (and loathing lol) but the point still stands: nobody besides maybe Dieter lol are really quite aware of how important Shinae and Nol are to each other.

I mean, hell! Shinae didn’t realize it until she was left crying in the rain and Dieter woke her up to the fact that he had become a person Shinae loves, an actual, real friend. Nol sure didn’t seem to realize it, either, despite, yknow. gestures vaguely how everything went down lmao and even had to ask if she actually meant all the things she had said back there.

Nol and Shinae are the kind of relationship that just so naturally grows - at what point did she go from thinking him annoying to him being a friend? Even that isn’t so simple - she felt so much guilt when she saw him sitting outside after she went off on him during her lunch break and thought he’d sat out there the whole time feeling sad because she was mad lol like. IDK I love a really well-written, ever-growing relationship - when you can’t identify the moment a person goes from being a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend. Because that’s how it goes! And it just feels SO well-executed between them! 

The way Shinae took off running to go grab some stuff before she would go to the hospital, like she wanted to be ready immediately so she could be there. Shinae who HATES hospitals, who never liked them, who is reminded of her own worst experience in one, who just recently went through it again when her father was in the hospital, still rushing to go there because Nol is that important, because he means that much. 

Nol who was in a state of panic when he woke, clearly from his own awful past with the Hirahara Memorial (Yui) calming when he noticed Shinae. Nol who doesn’t like the silence, feeling comfortable and at peace, allowing himself to do something he’s never allowed himself before and leaning on a friend, feeling at peace for the first time in SUCH A LONG TIME. And feeling that way NOT because of morphine but because of WHO she is. Because she can bring him that calm, because she can bring him that peace

I’M GOING TO YELL FROM A ROOFTOP. 

THAT EPISODE THAT FLASHED BACK TO THE POOL FALL AND HOW NOL WAS WILLING TO STAY DOWN THERE AND NEVER COME BACK UP, BUT BECAUSE SHINAE WAS DOWN THERE, TOO, HE COULDN’T, HE HAD TO GET HER OUT. SHE SAVED HIS LIFE BY NEEDING HERS SAVED. ;A;

AND HERE, SHINAE (AIDED BY LIL BUDDY) AND HER FRIENDS FIND NOL WHEN HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER AND SHE’S THERE TO MAKE SURE HE WAKES UP, TOO. 

LISTEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT HUH? HOW CAN I NOT? JUST? LOVE THEM AND LOVE WHO THEY ARE TO EACH OTHER?!

That moment of realization, that frustration on his face, THE BLUSH. /HE’S FIGURED IT OUT/. HE UNDERSTANDS WHY HE FELT SO CALM, SO PEACEFUL, WHY HE WAS SO AT EASE HAVING HER THERE. HE KNOWS. 

It is SO FUNNY that we were just musing about this - like how Shinae has been getting flustered all night, her heart galloping around, and here he is, too, just. Reveling. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHINAE IS HIS COMFORT. ;A; I’m thinking yet again about how, when he found out he WASN’T at Hirahara Memorial, he turned his face into her more, like crawling closer in comfort. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

There’s so many other things to talk about, too, but I had to get this out first okay, I HAD to! 

I know fandom hates Rand, but if you’re here reading this lol you know that I’m a sucker for grey morality and that Rand is a frustrating fascination of mine because he made this mess but so many people have to lie in it. But listen, I had some FEELINGS. The fact that Jayce said Rand would carry that Bible everywhere, that it was like his good luck charm - and tucked inside are photos and notes from Nessa, including a photo of Nol the day he was born. THAT SHIT  HURTS. I don’t know how to express this well without... idk I trust that anyone reading this knows me well enough lol to know that I don’t absolve anyone of their blame just because I can sympathize.

And I DO. I DO sympathize. I’ve been saying it’s clear that Nessa was his true love - whether she was someone he loved before his marriage (clearly an arrangement) to Yui or if it happened afterwards. He LOVED her and he loves Nol, too, but he’s a man that doesn’t know how to express his emotions (in fact he has constantly tried to get Nol to be more like him and shove away his feelings), who has a vindictive and virtually law-less wife who can and will do anything she can to hurt him. So on some level I GET IT. He couldn’t be open with his love and affection for Nol. I think a part of him wants to be. That’s why he was so angry and said those awful things when Nol pleaded guilty - Rand was doing everything in his power to help him, to protect him in the only way he was allowed to and it was ruined. When he said he should have shipped him off to boarding school it wasn’t that he regretted having to raise this kid - it was that he regretted not doing enough to get Nol out of Yui’s reach. It was that he was greedy enough to want to keep his child near, this reminder of someone he loved, even though he knew he could not be the father he deserved. 

And it sucks because look how things have turned out for Nol. Look at how much he has suffered, how much he’s been hurt. He’s so certain his father has no love for him, only shame. He’s so certain his father takes care of him out of obligation, not love.

But all these years, Rand has carried around a photo of newborn Nol. The child he and the woman he loved fathered together. 

AND IDK it cuts me. Especially the fact that like... this was clearly Rand’s only comfort. This was the only thing that he could privately hold on to that brought him comfort and he made the choice to pass it on to Nol. Did he hope that it would comfort his son as it had comforted him all these years? Did he hope that it might convey all the things he’s been unable to say, all the things he couldn’t express? Idk it hurts me okay. It just. Idk you can be a shit father in a shit situation and I’m still going to feel sad that his choices have landed so many blows and ramifications.

I want to see the photos! I want to see what else is in there! Are there more notes? Did she write sweet letters about baby Nol that he can read? ;~; So many pages fell out of it. Did she tuck them back in or did she take them when she left? WHERE IS SHE GOING? At first I thought lmao maybe she’s off to find a vending machine to present him a little treat as a “sorry this isn’t a cake but you deserve to celebrate your birthday” kind of deal but someone else suggested she’s going to find Rand. I guess if she took the memorabilia maybe that makes more sense? Idk idk I like my cheesy little vending machine idea though lmaoooooooo 

I also LMAO love him making a dumb pun because ONCE AGAIN it just brings back that Yeonggi very much is a part of who Nol is. Just because he played that part of himself up doesn’t mean that isn’t a very true part of him. It also means that all of this - the way he’s spoken to Shinae this evening, the way he’s treated her - all of it is very much sober. It’s just. Him. Not playing up his dark, edgy “would you like me still if u knew all the things i’d done” Nol lmao. Not upbeat pushed to the limits Yeonggi. This is the truest, most raw Nol we’ve seen and it’s beautiful. I worry he lol might try to put up his defenses as a result of his realization, but if we’ve learned one thing about Nol, it’s that he is ultimately unable to deny anything regarding Shinae lmao 

Something else I want to touch on really quickly is Kousuke and that flashback.  "I need you to keep him from harming himself." "It'll be safer for him to remain here with you."

I know on one level Rand is taking advantage of a moment to group with Yujing (and Shinae...?) in that he cannot have Kousuke (and Hansuke) there to overhear. He has pointedly asked for Shinae to come to the hospital, and not simply because she’s a friend. Whatever Rand and Yujin are working on, she is a part of. Kousuke and Hansuke cannot be a part of that. Also, taking care of both your bleeding-out son and your in-shock son is not an easy feat for anyone. I don't think he's like, brushing this off by any means, he knows Hansuke is good hands, but my question is: "I need you to keep him from harming himself" is this... a thing that has happened in the past? Is it in any way connected to the night that Nol was sent away? I'm trying to think if there's been any times where Kousuke has seemed like a danger to himself in that he could/would harm himself. Possibly drinking way too much would count. But it makes me wonder if there was ever a time that Kousuke, perhaps with no recollection of it, did anything that could bring himself harm?

Back in episode 96, Kousuke called over Hansuke, and Hansuke made a little comment that "FYI I'm not giving you any meds" and Kousuke remarked that none of his modes of relaxation have worked since his run in with Yujing. Also "What do you do to relax again?" "You already know." "Do you think maybe they have become too routine they don't work as well as they used to?"

I'm just spitballing here but seeing Kousuke just shut down like this, and how it seems very much like the time when Nol was taken away (asking Yui what happened) just makes me Wonder A Lot.

Like, Kousuke is presented to us as a character who is very much in control of himself, and has a tendency to try to control the world around his own personal narrative. But we have also been shown enough to know that's not entirely the case, and that Kousuke's sense of control is very much a sort of coping mechanism because his reality does not entirely align with actual reality. I want to know more about the meds. I want to know more about what happened that night. As Kousuke's characterization unravels, we're beginning to see that HE is more unraveled than he's appeared (which is just very much the general case of everyone in here lol)

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS EPISODE AND I’M SORRY BUT I CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS LITTLE NOL REVELATION quimchee is just. SHE IS FEEDING US. SHE’S GIVING ME EVERYTHING I WANTED 

Also last tidbits I want to point out:

Rand’s face just looks SO haunted. So tired. He just aged 20 years. Shiane’s imitation of him was uhhh.... pretty on the nose lol

Dieter’s little “some friends we are huh” comment really hurt. Like, Nol is an unstoppable force. Could they have made more of a fuss to make him stay and get checked over? Sure. Would it have changed anything, though? 

But also seeing the blood on his and Soushi’s hands.... wow that HURTS like. Fortunately we know Nol is okay (well. You know. As okay as he can be, all things considered) but still having to help your friend’s father gather your friend as he’s bleeding out all over you?! Isn’t that a little traumatic? Isn’t that HAUNTING? 

There’s also something so tender and sweet about Dieter being offered the option to go do whatever he needs to and still being concerned about Minhyuk and all the food ;~; He’s a good bean. I don’t know if there’s anything much to read into the whole “We’ll let Shinae go first” bit. Dieter is, yknow, aware of Nol and Shinae’s close bond, so possibly this is his way of giving her that space? I think it’s at any rate on the complicated side - Nol just. Leaves them and cuts off connection to all of them and then suddenly he’s at Minhyuk’s house and Dieter has to play mediator? SOUSHI DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS THERE. JUST. BOOM. NOL FALLING FROM THE FLOOR ABOVE AND COVERED IN GLASS.

AND THEN SUDDENLY HE’S HELPING GET HIM INTO THE CAR, COVERED IN HIS BLOOD.

Jesus. Everyone needs therapy ;~; 

Also my god Kousuke’s face. He looks haggard as hell. Assuming he saw photos of baby Nol in that Bible, it feels like it undoes everything he and Nol just confessed and said. That affectionate, loving version of Rand didn’t exist? But what does it mean if he carried around a picture of one of his baby sons? 

Did he have anything about Kousuke in there? Had he already removed anything about Kousuke? 

IDK THERE’S SO MANY FEELINGS YOU GUYS pls join me in my wailing and yelling ;A; 

[waterdeep-weavemoss]

Halsin lets out a hearty, sweet laugh. “It would be my pleasure to assist you with that wound. Tara can get quite protective over Gale – I’ve gotten my own fair share of scrapes from her, tending to the navigator’s ailments.” He studies her for a moment. “Doe,” he says, sort of to himself. “A symbol of grace and beauty in nature, showing utmost tenderness.” He gives her another kind smile. “Quite fitting, it seems.” He quiets, selecting a wrapping and salve from the assortment. “Do you mind?” 

Doe nods her permission, still reluctant but easing in his presence. 

“Worry not about the wizard,” Halsin tells her. “Gale’s condition is his own. I shan’t disclose the details, but I have spent many years working to stabilize what ails him.” Doe’s eyes are wide, so he continues. “If it’s any consolation,” he says, beginning to tie off the wrapping. “I took a moment to stop by his quarters, to check on him before coming here. He needs rest, and will hopefully heed my encouragement about the pain medicine.” His face lights, remembering something. “Ah! Before I forget, I’ve brought some for you as well, just in case—” Halsin rummages through the basket, retrieving a small rectangular tin. “One tablet, twice a day as needed for pain.” He holds the tin out to Doe. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Doe?” It’s clear he’s offering more medical attention, but there’s something in his face offering more – a kind word, a friendly touch, a listening ear. 

Doe suddenly, mortifyingly, finds herself on the verge of tears. 'Oh, gods, sorry. Just. Thank you? I suppose? I feel so out of place and overwhelmed, and... I feel like I've stepped on a few people just because-'

She gestures to the room, clearly indicating that she means her relationship with Astarion.

'I know they think I'm just one in a long line. And I get that. Of course there's a long line, look at him. But I'm not going to leave him. Not when he showed up at my lighthouse hoping it'd save his life. Not when he looked so afraid when we argued. Not when I can see he is so hurt, but he's trying his best to love me anyway. I know that sounds insane after a day, but... I think there are intense emotions bound up in the sort of survival mode he's in. The sort of survival mode I've been in. I've been where he is. I've existed in the space where you don't know if you want to live or not. I can see that in his soul. And as battered as it is there is so much light in it. So much sweetness. I don't even know if he feels the same way, I can only hope so. But I don't want to be the latest in a long line of lovers. I want to be his last.'

[aeoki]

Rainy Season’s Blossoms - Chapter 6

Location: 1st Floor Passage Characters: Hinata, Yuuta, Kouga & Rei

Rei: My my, what awful rain. I thought that was a close call, but I’m completely drenched.

Hm? A handkerchief? What a cute handkerchief. Very fitting of you, young lady. I too can understand why you would want to show it off to others ♪

No? Hmm, it seems you have lent it to me, thinking I could at least wipe my face with it. You are most kind, Miss Transfer Student.

I suppose I shall take you up on that offer.

*...Phew* I feel much more comfortable. My clothes are wet from the rain, but it seems you were more worried about my hair sticking to my face.

I cannot thank you enough, Miss Transfer Student ♪

However, will the weather continue to be like this? A drizzle would have been fine but this is a downpour.

It might let up soon but I cannot go back outside reassured.

I wouldn’t mind the rain so, had I an umbrella. I’m feeling most vexed.

What is it, young lady? “I’ll go look for one so wait here”... you say?

I cannot have you spoil me so much. If you let me borrow your raincoat, I could put it on and go search for my umbrella.

However, our physiques are quite different. I may end up ripping the raincoat the moment I put my arms through.

The colour is pink as well; it will stick out like a sore thumb. If I were to run into Ritsu while on my search, he may end up severing ties with his only brother.

I do have a parasol in my classroom, but I highly doubt it will work against this heavy rai– Hm?

Hmm. Miss Transfer Student, it seems I have recalled where I placed the umbrella.

I still cannot remember the location of the glasses, but… I think they may be in the same place. I spent a long time wearing those glasses and ended up straining my eyes, you see. 

That’s right. I remember leaving the glasses on the bench and pinching my eyebrows. If that memory serves me correctly, it should still be there.

The place where I left the umbrella, you ask? It’s the garden terrace. There is a western-styled gazebo there, is there not?

I have a feeling the rain stopped while I was taking a break and I accidentally left it there.

…It appears the rain is getting lighter. The sounds of thunder and lightning have also gone away. However, we mustn’t let our guard down. I shall run and head towards there while the rain is still light.

Oh, Miss Transfer Student. You shan’t need to accompany me. I now know where the lost item is.

You can go back to whatever you were doing.

I’ve already come this far, so I’ll be with you until the end… you say?

You are truly quite a determined one. I suppose you can do just that~♪

I shall be relying on you then, “producer”...♪

Hinata: Oogami-senpai, don’t walk so fast~

Woah!

Ugh, I hit my nose really hard… Say something if you’re gonna stop. Hey, did you find something?

Kouga: I smell the Transfer Student and that vampire bastard. Looks like they were just here.

Hinata: Smell? *Sniff sniff* I only smell the rain. Can you tell, Yuuta-kun?

Yuuta: Not at all. I can smell a faint spicy scent, but I guess it was just a student who bought curry bread from the school store.

Hinata: You sure love spicy food, huh, Yuuta-kun…

Ah, I smell something sweet over there~ I’m kinda hungry. Let’s go to the cafeteria. I feel like eating a whole bunch of sweets ♪

Kouga: Dammit. The scents fadin’ ‘cause of the rain. Hm, is it comin’ from the garden terrace?

Hinata: Then does that mean Sakuma-senpai got hungry too?

The cafeteria’s about to close so now’s the time to order something if we’re gonna eat~

Yuuta: Wait, I know this is pretty late to say this, but… Sakuma-senpai has his phone, right?

Wouldn’t this all be solved if we called either one of them?

Hinata: Yeah, that definitely would be the fasted method! But that’s boring.

It’s way more fun getting Oogami-senpai to trace them and then figuring out their whereabouts!

Yuuta: Don’t get us involved in your games just because you’re bored… Anyway, I’m going to call Sakuma-senpai.

…I wonder if he turned off his phone.

There’s a voice message saying “the number you have dialled may be out of service range or may not be powered”.

Hinata: Yay! Nice one, Sakuma-senpai!

Yuuta: Like I said, don’t get so happy, Aniki… Guess I’ll try Anzu-san’s number then. Although there’s a chance it might be turned off like Sakuma-san’s.

Hinata: Yuuta-kun, let’s just go to the garden terrace in the meantime.

If we don’t see them there, let’s call Anzu-san as our last resort.

Kouga: Hmph, looks like my sense of smell is right. They definitely went towards the garden terrace. I could bet my guitar on it.

Yuuta: The guitar Oogami-senpai loves more than anything else in the whole wide world!?

Well, that phrase might be a little far-fetched, but it just means you’re very confident, right?

…Fine. Let’s believe Oogami-senpai and go to the garden terrace ♪

Hinata: Alright, onwards to the garden terrac–

Woah!?

Yuuta: That’s some strong wind. It seems the wind has picked up despite the rain being light.

Hinata: ………

Yuuta: Aniki? Why are you opening and clenching your fist? Are you practising something?

Hinata: U-Uhh, it looks like I’ve lost the note that was left in the club room. I think that gust of wind blew it away just now.

A-Anyway, I’ll go look for it! You two should go on ahead to the garden terrace!

Yuuta: What!? Aniki… And he’s already gone.

Ah geez, we’ll go on ahead then! We’ll be waiting at the garden terrace so hurry back, okay~...?

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[mo0n-water]

hello hello, sorry that it’s been so long :( i’ve missed you.

i will hear the song if it’s the last thing i do 🥸 what’s it called? what’s the first lyric?

what book is it? why is it your favourite? summarise it in three words?

i hope you allow yourself to be a child sometimes. growing up so quickly must be tough.

nostalgia is my hamartia, i’m very stuck in the past, whether it is good or bad. also my great aunt has the most beautiful house, i’d love to live there when i’m older but it’ll probably go to the other side of the family. we can hope :)

i don’t really have any definitive life goals. i’m more of a live and let live kind of person, what’ll happen will happen and i shan’t waste time fretting about it. but i would like to own lots of cats when i’m older and have the village i live in suspect me of being a witch. i think that’d be fun.

i love people who talk a lot and are passionate about things they are interested in. there is nothing i enjoy more than listening to someone ramble on about a historical event i’ve never heard of or a movie i’ll never see. my best friend is very much a talkative person and i think that’s why we get on so well.

how many people can come to my party? i would probably invite: my two best friends, david bowie, regulus black, frida kahlo, oscar wilde, amy winehouse, boris pavlikovsky (from the goldfinch), my great great uncle who’s existance no one knew about until a few weeks ago (he had a very interesting life) and you :) i think we’d all have some very interesting conversations.

my favourite quote is ‘i don’t know. poets are always taking the weather so personally. they’re always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.’ from the catcher in the rye.

questions for you:

- what are you doing right now?

- are you religious?

- how do you define art?

- do you want to get married? would you marry a friend in a non-romantic way?

- what’s your favourite smell?

- what would you name this chapter of your life?

- are you a responsible person?

- what’s your favourite punctuation mark and why?

HAHA HI!!! i missed you too!! i was telling the jegulily server about how i missed you…… then again, idk who you are, so maybe you saw that. (mysterious music.) anyway i hope you’re well & i mean… didn’t you say you were going to see harry yesterday? so you MUST BE well

re: your song… it’s called counting hours. you’re not gonna find it online but maybe i’ll send it to you if/when you tell me who you are. (not holding it hostage, i just don’t wanna post it publicly hahaha!! first line is “spent the early hours of june reading quotes from whitman” i guess you don’t know what that has to do with you, but the rest of the song is… a little more obvious xx

the book is looking for alaska! i think i mentioned it before. i like how it explores grief and unanswerable questions, as well as how it talks about growing up. for three words, i don’t know, i’d maybe say “famous last words” :)

you definitely seem like the type of person one would mistake for a witch. and believe me, that is the highest of compliments coming from me. and about nostalgia, YEAH. yeah. G-d yeah. i feel like nostalgia rules my life sometimes, but i don’t really mind that? i was talking with my dad about that recently, about trying to recreate old memories & bring the past back. i think there’s something beautiful about that.

i like the live & let live philosophy. i think it makes for an interesting life. my favorite kinds of people are the ones who aren’t afraid to do something unexpected, to seek out new opportunities & go on adventures. a change of plans is my favorite thing. have you always been like that, or is your decision to embrace that a new thing? (i am ignoring your use of the word shan’t, lest i make a fool out of myself in my own tumblr post…)

listening to people ramble is a secret favorite of mine. i have a friend who’s really into films, & i love to get him ranting about his favorite plot lines & all that cinematography stuff that i don’t understand. i don’t even like movies! but i like listening to him talk about them. what’s something you like to ramble about like that?

i like your quote & i like your dinner party. i question how wise it is to invite boris, given he’d probably derail the whole thing… but i suppose that’s the whole point, and what makes it fun. consider this my rsvp! i think regulus, bowie, & boris would either be best friends or sexy rivals. can’t decide, but i’m here for it. also, your great great uncle?? i would love to hear the story there.

right now, i’m sitting on a porch swing & thinking about you. the temperature is perfect out here, humid enough to feel like a hug without descending into something more like a chokehold. i keep getting distracted & staring at the daylilies across the road. i was sitting in the living room before, but my parents were talking so i stepped out here to focus on writing this. after, i think i’ll play guitar for a bit – i was working on something earlier that i’d like to continue.

yes, i am religious! i’m a religious jew, which i think i’ve probably mentioned before because i honestly don’t shut up about it. it’s shabbat today, & i actually just got back from an event at synagogue. it was a pride event more than a religious thing, though – i convinced the rabbi to go out in drag, which was fucking brilliant honestly. anyway, judaism is easily one of the most important things to me. how about you? i always worry it’s rude to ask but i love talking about faith.

okay i had a conversation about defining art a few months ago & it just about broke my brain… genuinely it was in like january but i still don’t have an answer, no matter how much i think about it. i kinda think art is an arbitrary categorization we use to fit human expression into a box, but my opinion there could be changed with a strong wind. help????

i’d definitely like to get married someday, but it’s not a goal i’m working towards or anything… obviously, i think. i’d definitely marry a friend. it all comes down to whether it’s the right person. (if this is an offer, my answer is yes xx)

my favorite smell is rotting wood.

i’d name this chapter of my life “the wandering” because i feel like i’m looking for something, but i’m not sure what it is & i’m not in any rush. taking my time! it feels a lot like wandering.

responsible??? me???????? i suppose it depends on what you mean by responsible. in some regards, sure. in others, not at all. i don’t like the idea of responsibility, though, it feels stifling – i’d rather dedicate myself to things out of love than out of any sense of responsibility. not sure if that makes sense or answers your question.

i like semicolons!! as my best friend can surely tell you… i just feel like they conceptualize my ceaseless need for elaboration. i’m wary of overusing them. but yeah i learned how to use a semicolon in elementary school & i’ve been terrorizing people with them ever since.

as always, i love the questions you pick! some from me:

- what grounds you?

- what’s a feeling you find overwhelming? how do you cope?

- what’s your relationship with music? what does it mean to you, how do you interact with it?

- favorite fruit?

- tell me a secret?

hope to see you in my inbox soon!! kind regards <3

[chellyfishing]

so since i got my HOUSE WHAT WHO IS SHE i decided to revisit all the places i’ve decorated and do a little tour/bts explanation for all of them because ?? i feel like it, anyway LOTS of pictures and uninteresting text under the cut

so my room in the fc house (famfrit LB w22p33) isn’t the first fc room i ever had but it shares a lot of similarities with what i did in the first one, which also doesn’t exist anymore. also i should preface this by saying that i’m not a fancy house person, i don’t do all their little tricks because honestly, i don’t have the patience for it, plus i’m on console and when i tell you even placing things normally on console is a real fucking chore sometimes. amanda does some really neat and creative things and knows her way around housing and i commend her for that, seriously you should check out some of the things she’s done. meanwile the most i ever do is putting wall-mounted items where they shouldn’t go and once i floated an actual piece of furniture (you’ll see) and it was such a pain that i’m never touching that item again, it’s there until the heat death of the universe, and i have no interest in repeating the process anywhere else!

anyway the fc room. i made this when i was really getting to know the system on a basic level, for example i believe i got the idea for the partition door from amanda because i didn’t actually know what kind of furnishings there were lmao. the theme here is basically like fairy forest, which was what i was initially planning to do for my house if i ever got one (five years later........)

here’s the little entrance area. as you can see i use this place to put seasonal items and whatnot as well because hwy hnot.

this is the little reading nook on the other side of the door.

the bath area

another angle on that so you can see how it fits together, the bath is behind the screen on the left

and this is the upstairs! cozy lofts are a bit of a signature move for me but as mentioned above i don’t like floating furniture--this bed is the one time i did it. but i think it turned out cute and with the vibe i wanted in the end so overall, thanks past me for the struggle.

i helped with the fc house itself but the vast majority of the work was done by amanda, i mostly helped with idea generation and crafting, so i shan’t be taking credit for her work. it’s dope tho. the theme there (as requested by lesbian overlord noodl) is cult and amanda really nailed it.

so then i was sad about probably never getting a house so rose offered to let me decorate hers (hype LB w23p29) since she had never really done it up. i decided to go full fairy on it, as i’d always wanted (while i was working i left what angel wakes me on loop). this means for materials plants, flowers, wood, and as little metal as humanly possible, and the colors are, like in the room above, mostly green, brown, and pink. they’ve actually released a few new items since i did this that would fit the theme super well so i maaaaay go back and tweak a bit, as it is now i believe i’ve used every available items space though.

her house is on such a cool plot!! it’s got its own little bridge and it’s right by a big waterfall. S-tier.

so for the yard i really wanted it to feel overgrown and wild and mysterious, and thanks to some big-ass trees i think i really managed it despite the incredibly limited inventory space for yards. i knew i’d achieved it when grave came by for a visit and went “HELP I’M LOST.” exactly the reaction i wanted. out of the three yards i’ve done, this is the one i’m most satisfied with.

(rod and todd voice) thank you treesus

so this inside area on the first floor took quite a bit of work because it involved putting wall-mounted things where they don’t belong, including the simple need to sometimes turn the staircases around so they face the right way because for some godforsaken reason you can’t simply rotate them. i have sort of mixed feelings on how it turn out. i like what i did with the fountain. i kind of wanted to put more stuff like flowers on the lofts but i ran out of inventory space. i dunno i kinda just wanted to do something a little interesting while still leaving it easy to move around in (which is part of what took so fking long, finding the right place for everything so nothing was blocking the door or too low in the middle of the room), so this is what i came up with.

downstairs is where i REALLY went ham.

in the first area there it’s pretty simple, with of course the return of the signature cozy loft, and the bells tucked away below it.

behind the pink door is a little parlor area and you start to really understand how i ran out of inventory space. there are little details all over that aren’t necessarily obvious but i think make a difference overall.

and last but not least, the bedroom, because rose is a sleepy overworked girlie who needs a place to lie down sometimes. the good thing about this place not being real is that if it was, her allergies would be too bad for her to actually ever go near it.

next is the hype fc house (hype shiro w25p14) which ofc xae took pity on me and got after my 87th lottery loss. i just posted pictures of it here recently so that’s why it seems familiar, but i thought i’d go into a little more detail. as i probably said before, the theme here is tropical/beachy. i’m pretty positive this is the most expensive place i’ve ever done. there are some absolutely outrageously expensive items in here.

you can tell right away that xae picked the plot because i’m being photobombed by the market board. we ended up going with these exterior walls because obviously we both liked them, plus the design takes up more yard space which means working with the limited inventory is a bit easier, PLUS i was unaware at the time that everyone else in our ward was going to use them too. (you can even see one such, who also painted it green, right behind us in the above picture. one time i walked into our neighbor’s yard and was SO confused before i realized i was at the wrong house because as you can see in the background below, it is ALSO these walls painted green.)

(oh my goodness the stable is so dirty DON’T LOOK AT IT i’m not on the account that can clean it!) this yard was much harder to do because as you can see i didn’t have any big bulky trees to work with. i really wanted a lot more painted gravel sand and would have happily covered the entire yard with it if i could, but as it is i had to be satisfied with a little bonfire area by the hot tub (which is part of the walls). overall i’m decently pleased with this, i think i did the best i could with what i had.

this is the top floor and obviously the real star of the show is the money elephant, who is my king. again i would have loved to cover this place in sand but there kind of isn’t anything i know of for that so what i decided to do was lean into the fact that this is indoors and go with primarily mixed wood. this room might not look like much but it cost several million (the money elephant alone was over 3mil). also this is the beginning of another signature move, abuse of the waterfall partition. they’re hard to see here but there’s water running down the foliage on the walls and i think it looks dooooope. this is also how i found out you are capped on how many of each individual item you can put in a space, and that the cap for waterfall partitions is 20. i made it work.

let’s head downstairs.

ah! here are all the other waterfall partitions. believe it or not, i’m not actually at total capacity for items in this place. i’m still miffed bunny boys aren’t an option for your housing npcs so i went with cute cat girls instead. you may notice the bottom large tank in the corner is still empty, because i will accept nothing less than the coral manta. have i tried getting one, you ask? to which i answer, how dare you speak to me. also, there is a lack of cozy loft. i experimented with one but couldn’t really figure out what to do with it. anyway that’s why there are flagstone lofts on the ceiling in the back, because again, those were so fucking expensive and once they became market prohibited i was going to use them anyway no matter what. to be honest i would love to cover this whole ceiling in those, and i probably have the space for it, but god they’re so expensive and i already sunk so so SO much (of xae’s) money into this place. maybe some day if they drop in price. behind the medium fish tanks under the flagstone lofts is a little backstage area that’s not meant for people to go in, where i put the bells and orchestrion. secrets.

anyway now that there’s a house i abandoned luna’s apartment that i was mainly using as storage (didn’t even get my deposits back) and built her a room here instead. the reason that i a little bit love how this turned out is my color choice, it’s just so rich and vibrant. not really a theme here, but i was a bit inspired by the hannish rug and wall lamps, so a lot of saturated red, blue, and gold. also, the haptic feedback from walking on the tatami flooring is sooooo satisfying.

the entrance area.

this is the room behind the trick bookcase. if it seems like i didn’t really know what to put here that’s because i didn’t and still don’t. also you can’t see it because i guess it counts as an npc but there’s a mannequin just plopped down in front of the fish tank because i was using it to pass money between accounts and i guess i forgot to put it away.

this is the area opposite that room, including a little bathroom that is so small it is very hard to actually get a camera angle for a decent picture. also yes that is an icebox in the corner, yes it was unnecessarily expensive, yes i can open it to reveal frozen idk fish or something, but it was the perfect size for what i wanted so now it’s a bathroom cabinet and we simply never open it.

ROTSCL (return of the signature cozy loft). this area probably took the most time, moving the fish tank up and down, moving walls, finding a way so that the fish tank didn’t block the bathroom door but was still visible, i make it look easy but really trying to find the right combination of items and placement was DIFFICULT. the fish tank is still partially obscured by the chandelier but i like the chandelier too much to change it and ultimately i decided it was gOOD ENOUGH NOW.

and then a couple of boring angles leading to the bedroom. naturally on the most important one here i appear to have forgotten to turn on the photo mode lighting but i do not feel like going back and retaking it. there’s not a lot of detail anyway, it’s just a nice little room.

and now... finally... for the new house.

it is at the best plot in the game (i don’t make the rules). i didn’t take a shot from an angle to show it but it is right at the beach by the dock, the marketboard is just behind where i took the picture from, and the housing npcs are all right behind/below me. it’s super convenient, has a great view with no other houses blocking it, and is not crowded by anything else. SS-tier. godly. again, the best plot in the game.

before we proceed, i think my plaque is pretty good (famfrit mist w19p36 as per):

yes it is listed as a haunted house. no i don’t care if people think that means it’s some kind of immersive experience.

so for the theme here, it’s a bit similar to the fc on hype in that it’s also ocean-related, but it’s like the difference between a warm beach and a cold beach. i was heavily inspired by the grebuloff area in the omicron quests because the minute i saw it i knew i had to try to emulate it somehow.

i’m a little iffy on the yard. i love that entrance walkway, but i think the sides look kind of dark and barren by comparison, especially on the left. now, you might be thinking, chelle, do you really need two of those bridge-and-pond setups, you might be able to do something else with that space, to which i answer, those bridges were expensive and i’m not going to just chuck one into storage to gather dust (i may end up doing that. but i don’t WANT TO AAH). anyway, i’m still tweaking it--i just added the striking dummy yesterday in fact, but for now this is what it is. i have some ideas for what i might change but ugh, no SPAYCE. anyway, let’s go inside, where you’ll find some coffee and tea and a message book right by the door.

each floor has kind of a different quality to it. the ground floor is kind of like, you’re underwater but it’s not deep. this is the one i most wanted to look like the grebuloff area, apart from the yard anyway. while in rose’s house and the hype fc house i used a lot of dark wood and vibrant colors, here i wanted to use mostly white stone, particularly marble, and more simple greenery. i was also kind of channeling my favorite sonic level, the aquatic ruin zone from sonic 2. i didn’t actually consult any pictures of it directly other than the ones in my head but i think that’s why i ended up with as much plant life as i did. also there were a couple other fish tank trimmings that fit the theme better but neither had a background and i didn’t like how much blank dark wood that left splayed against the back wall. the reaction i get the most from this room is “wait, are these TABLES?” (the answer is yes.)

upstairs is the living area. if some parts look familiar, no they don’t. i have to point out the chandelier to everyone who comes by because it think it’s so dope. it looks so stupid and nothing in the thumbnail because for some reason that’s from a mostly top-down angle, but in action i think it’s one of the coolest chandeliers in the game and because it has marble, light blue, and green plants, fits this theme like a glove. so this area is a little more surface-like than downstairs, like maybe just on the shore or right below the water. i also had more than twice as many of those planter shelves crammed with knickknacks and i liked how it looked but it ate up like 20% of my entire inventory space for something that was kind of not really that noticeable since it’s so close to the ceiling. anyway i took down a bunch and i guess i still think it looks all right.

this is the spa room (again, hard to get a good angle on). since i had more space for it i decided to make it more luxurious, like i would want in real life. you can’t really customize like any of very small number of tubs sadly but i stuck a tiny byakko table with a hingan lamp on it in the corner there to cover up the ugly unlit metal lamp thing that this comes with (metal is NOT one of my target materials!!).

detail shot of my titania shadowbox cause i just love it is all.

here’s the bedroom. the first thing everybody does when they come in here is lie on the bed (or jump on it, but mostly the former). another tiger screen here like in my first fc room because i bought like six at the event. my main dissatisfaction in here is that the walls are so barren but i couldn’t think of anything to do with them that wouldn’t just be an inventory-eating repeat of elsewhere. to ponder on i guess.

okay now it’s time to go to the basement.

oh. if you were wondering where the waterfall partitions were, all twenty of them are down here, in the water room, where i keep the water. also, i know the ice chandelier or whatever it’s called is a better fit color-wise but i like purple more and that other one doesn’t rotate like this one does. plus i still had one of these on me unlike the blue ones.

here are my little guys and also more fish. by the way, all the fish here and in the hype fc house are saltwater fish (one or two of luna’s tanks are freshwater i think) because it’s meant to be ocean-themed. as a result there are several repeats since there are vastly fewer displayable saltwater fish in the game and an even smaller amount that i actually like. i think i made good choices though!

the first thing people do when they come down here is jump in the ponds. nova said, “frog instinct,” and she’s so right. also grave stopped by and said, “i need a stage,” and he was right, a stage was called for. i’m not like, going to turn this place into a venue or anything, i don’t have any interest in that and this is the only room that would actually serve that purpose, but idk i thought once i put in the stone walls and floor and water that it seemed like a cool themed club or something. rainforest café but colder and with better food.

i didn’t really go over the music i picked because even though i did go through and spend a lot of time and several more millions getting my hands on as many orchestrion rolls as i could (at least on main) i don’t listen to the music in this game that much. however, i did sit and listen to samples and picked out songs i know i like, and i did listen to them all while i was taking pictures and putting together this post and i have to say, i picked some bangers (at least two places play oblivion, at least two play the main endwalker theme, and at least two play what angel wakes me. lol). i also only picked from the first three tabs in the last house because i decided i would maybe change it up every so often and i didn’t want to pick like the eight BEST BEST ones to start with.

anyway that’s everything! if you actually read through all this and looked at all the pictures, i genuinely appreciate it!! i dunno i had a lot of fun and i like talking about creative processes of any kind. as for other themes to try in the future, i think a castle one would be perfect for grave’s house if he ever decides he would like some input or aid. also, xae said he think it would be fun to open a café venue maybe at some point in the future, but if he chooses to do it at the fc house, then he is required by law to decide he wants his personal to be tropical beach-themed because i am NOT letting all those millions in furnishings go to waste. plus, money elephant is better than storage.

[sanguineterrain]

No Such Thing (5) - Bucky Barnes

Series summary: You’ve been assigned to write a column for your school paper on the team’s spectacular running back. You don’t care very much for your university’s football team; you just can’t understand the hype, okay? Turns out your distaste for football bigheads was exactly on point: James Barnes is insufferable.

Pairing: college!Bucky Barnes x female!Reader

Word count: 6.5k (I am so sorry y’all)

Warnings: kissing! 

A/N: yeah, this one got away from me. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter for some reason but this was the best I could drag out of my writing brain so here we are. ta-da!

****

“Hold still.”

“My nose itches!”

Your face scrunched as a few specks of glitter tickled your nostril. 

“Don’t you dare sneeze on me,” Nat warned.

“The glitter is a fiend.”

“I’m almost done, just—”

She groaned as you jerked your head back and to the side to let out a giant a-choo!, red eyeshadow smearing across the apple of your cheek. You quickly scratched your nose, sighing in relief. Nat frowned hard and delicately swiped a makeup wipe over the shadow. 

“Stay still this time or I’ll let you face Steve looking like a clown,” she warned and you grinned toothily.

Obediently, you closed your eyes and remained statuesque until Nat finished the decorative game day paint to match her own. She held up a mirror and you hummed at the red and gold glitter, lightly tapping the paint.

“Don’t. It’s still wet.”

“Sorry. It looks great, Nat. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I still can’t believe you’re coming. Steve asks once and you're wearing glitter.”

You swallowed, pulling the mirror back to your face to inspect it closer, simultaneously avoiding Nat's gaze.

“Yeah, well, he was just… persuasive. He’s got those darn puppy-eyes. Just like Sam. I’m starting to think it’s a training requirement for the team.”

“Admit it. He makes you soft.”

“I shan’t,” you announced, pulling on your sweater. “It might spread and where will that leave my reputation?”

“Sure. But off the record?”

“Off the record, Steve is very polite and kind.”

“Oh, come on! That’s all you have to say?”

“What am I supposed to say? That’s what he is. Perfectly good traits.”

“Hm.”

“Thank you. Now, do you think three layers is enough?”

“Honestly, Y/N, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think this was your first winter ever.”

“I get cold.”

“Do you? Could’ve fooled me.”

"I'll just go with my coat," you decided. "Don't want to take any chances."

“Alright. Wanna go now?”

“Sure. It’ll probably be crowded, right?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s the biggest game of the season.”

You hummed, following Nat out the door.

“True. Tomorrow'll probably be packed with people traveling for the holidays."

"Probably. Good thing I'm not driving this year."

"What? You're not seeing your parents?"

You and Nat had visited her family two states over last December. She'd insisted you come since you couldn't see your own regularly with how far they lived and the fact that plane tickets didn't grow on trees.

"They're going to Russia to visit my sister."

"Why don't you go with them?"

She gave you a look. 

"Because it gets to the negative digits down there. Still don't understand why she couldn't study in Italy or somewhere where your eyelashes won't freeze together. Anyway, we'll see each other in a few months when she visits."

"So you're staying here?"

"Seems like," she shrugged. "Unless you've got something in mind?"

"Hardly. I'm too broke to have anything in mind."

"We'll find something," she assured. "Plenty of people stay here for the break."

"Sam?"

"Not sure. I thought he mentioned something about seeing his nephews."

Nat glanced at you from the driver's seat, eyes twinkling. 

"You know," she began. "Steve grew up a few hours from here. I'm sure that—"

"No."

"What? You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You were going to suggest that I somehow muscle my way into spending the break with Steve so we can bond and make out, blah blah blah."

"Okay, you do know what I was going to say."

"I barely even know the guy. What if Steve secretly runs his own creepy hotel and puts on a wig and stabs guests? Maybe his mother doesn't even exist."

"That's the last time I'm letting you watch TCM unattended."

"It's textbook. He lures me into thinking he's a stand-up guy, then he gets me by myself and bam! I'm dog food."

"Gross."

"That's what I'm saying."

"Y/N, I've known Steve for a while. Sam's known him even longer, and you know Steve and Bucky picked their noses together. I think you know Steve isn't any of that and you're just looking for excuses."

"Excuses? Maybe you're all in on it, hm? I'm your long-term bait. This year, you'll drag me into the woods and throw me to the wolves."

"Save that for a story."

"I should. Right after the one about the first amphibian athlete."

"The what?"

"Nothing. Look, if it happens organically, fine, you know?" you shrugged. "But I'm not one to rush. Now hurry up and park."

"Patience of a saint."

"What? I'm eager. Watching guys engage in a good old-fashioned tussle for the pigskin is what I live for."

"Pretty sure the balls are plastic now."

"Tomato, to-mahto."

You followed her out of the parking lot, exclaiming when Nat pulled you away from the main gate, guiding you instead to a side entrance that connected the inside of the stadium to the rest of the field. 

“Uh, hello? The gate is that way.”

“I know. I’m taking the scenic route,” she shrugged.

"We can't be here!" you whispered fiercely, gingerly following as she pulled open the door. 

"They're still getting ready, don't worry," she assured. "And if we get caught, say we got lost going to the bathroom."

"Nat…"

"Don't you wanna wish Steve good luck? Give him a kiss? Slip some tongue?"

"There will be no slipping of tongues tonight.”

"You never know. Wait here, I'll find them. Be right back."

"No, Nat—"

But she was gone, already down the hallway. You stayed in place, mouth tight, not wanting to risk getting caught. But when Nat didn't return after a few minutes, you shrugged off your coat and placed it on a bench, the inside of the stadium thick with heat. 

The door opened and you shot up, excuses on your lips. But it was only a cheerleader. You didn't recognize her, and judging by the green and white uniform, she seemed to be from the opposing school. 

"Hey," she whispered and you cleared your throat, nodding. 

"Hello."

"Are you on the team?" she asked, gesturing with a pom-pom.

"Yes," you said slowly, grateful for the excuse. "I am... on the team. The cheer team!"

She let out a relieved sigh. 

"Thank God. Do you mind holding these while I find the restroom?" She rolled her eyes, smiling slightly. "I know technically we're on separate teams, but my friend is busy with her boyfriend, you know?"

"Oh… uh, well, I guess so…"

"Great!" she grinned, shoving them into your hands. "I'll go as fast as I can. This place is like a maze. By the way, I like the glitter. It's cute."

"Thanks, but—"

The door opened and shut once more, letting in a burst of cold air. You sighed and began to pace, now doubly anxious. Nat was going to get an earful.

You looked at the pom-poms, shaking them a little. They crinkled gently. No, no. You folded your arms. Now was not the time to get excited over pom-poms. 

You sat, crossing and uncrossing your legs, staring down the end of the hallway, as if that would make Nat appear out of thin air. The pom-poms rustled in your grip and you glanced at them consideringly. 

"Oh, Mickey, you're so fine," you began under your breath, bouncing your head with the pom-poms. "You're so fine, you blow my mind, hey, Mickey!"  

You cleared your throat, then stood. The hallway was silent, save for the whir of the heater. You made a few movements in time with the beats in your head, then shook your arms and kicked your leg out, throwing in a variation of the Y.M.C.A. 

"Hey, Mickey!" you tried, a little louder. 

You stilled, squinting and waiting for any signs of the girl returning. But the hallway was as quiet as ever. It wouldn’t hurt, right? And who knew how long it would take Nat and the cheerleader? Besides, it wasn't like you had anywhere to be. The game wouldn't start for an hour.

You mimed movements of what you'd seen before, singing quietly. 

"Oh, Mickey, you're so pretty, can't you understand?"

You shook the pom-poms and attempted to spell the letters of your school. Not successfully, but there was an effort. You kept on, trying a series of steps and definitely incorrect jumps, letting out a quiet "woo!" 

"Don't break my heart, Mickey!"

"What're you doing?" 

You leapt about six feet into the air with a yelp, scrambling to grab your coat.

"I was, um, I got lost l-looking for the restroom so I just—"

You stuffed the pom-poms behind your back and turned on your heel, fully expecting a stern-faced coach, or perhaps a professor. 

"Yes, L/N?"

Evidently, there was a possibility of discovery you hadn't even considered that turned out to be thrice as mortifying. 

"What—but—you're supposed to be getting ready for a game!" you spluttered, voice going high.

"I am ready," Bucky replied, smirk at full power. And he was, fully suited in his padding and gear. "What’s your excuse?"

"I was holding these for someone, and, uh…" you trailed off, clearing your throat. "Well, what's it to you, Barnes?"

He gave you a onceover, tongue between his teeth. 

"Look at you, glittery and brimming with school spirit. Did you get all dressed up for me?" 

“You wish.”

“And you have pom-poms! Oh, this is too good, L/N. Get caught up in the moment, did you?”

"No," you denied automatically. "No, I was just… staying warm. By moving around."

"Warm? It's like eighty degrees in here, L/N. I know you've got the blood circulation of a lizard, but come on." 

"I do not."

"No? Exactly how many sweaters are you wearing?" 

"None of your business, Barnes. Why don't you stop sneaking up on me like a creep?"

"You're the one who's singing to herself and stealing cheer equipment."

"I did not steal it. It was given to me for safekeeping."

"Now how do I know you're telling the truth?"

You scoffed. 

"Because why would I lie about that?"

Bucky tsked, putting on a show of regretful sympathy. 

"I don't know… I really oughta report this to Fury."

"Don't you dare."

"I don't have a choice," he shrugged. "Shame."

"Barnes!"

"Mmhm?" he asked, face smooth with deceptive innocence. 

"I already came to your stupid game, didn't I? Now you're gonna tattletale?"

"While I'm undoubtedly pleased about being right about our wager, catching you dancing and singing with another team's pom-poms really just sweetens the pot, L/N. So, admit that's what you were doing." 

You stared at him, arms folded. He was already cocky as hell about what had happened over coffee—admitting you were dorking out in the middle of the hallway was too low for your dignity. 

"I got lost and I was doing a favor. And that's all."

He shrugged.

"'Kay. I'll just go see what Fury has to say, then."

He strolled off and you paused. Technically, Bucky had no proof. But if he did say something, there was always the chance that Nat would get caught too. 

"Okay, alright," you hissed, catching up with his long strides. "I've been waiting for Nat to come back for what feels like hours, so I just decided to… dance a little."

Bucky stopped, smugly leaning against a janitor's closet.

"You're just the gift that keeps on giving, huh? The ice, the bet, now this."

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. Make fun of how I could be revolutionary in my crusade to be the world's most uncoordinated cheerleader. Go on." 

Bucky tilted his head.

"Now why would I say that? I mean, look at you, with the glitter and pom-poms and that cute sweater of yours. I wouldn't be surprised to see you on the field. You're a natural." 

"Huh?"

"Na-tur-al. Do you need a dictionary?"

"You little—"

He suddenly shushed you, putting a finger to his lips. That infuriated you further and you began to screech. 

"Don't you shush m—"

Bucky grabbed your hand, and then you were being pulled into the closet, nearly colliding with a mop. He quietly shut the door while you fumbled for the doorknob.

"I'm gonna kill you, Barnes," you hissed, fighting to open the door, but he had a hand against it, his other arm gently blocking you. 

"Someone's coming," he whispered. "Will you settle down?"

You quieted at that. You couldn't get into any more trouble, not after your last punishment. 

There were voices outside the door and you held your breath, squished against Bucky in the tiny closet. He was warm, bicep pressed against your arm, and smelled spicy and fresh, like aftershave and detergent. 

"Who is it?" you whispered back, straining to listen through the door.

"Sounds like Fury and Hill," Bucky murmured, hot breath tickling your ear. 

"So? Aren't you gonna turn me in?"

"Do you want me to turn you in?"

"...no."

"I wasn't going to, anyway. I ain't that evil. 'Sides, then you'd miss your very first game, and wouldn't that be terrible?"

"Devastating."

Fury and Hill continued to talk and you sighed, turning to lean with your back against the door, pom-poms rustling.

"I'm surprised you came," Bucky said, facing you. Or not; it was too dark to tell. 

"Why? You know you won."

"I do. But that's not what you told Steve."

You turned in the direction of his voice.

“Did you tell him?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, don’t. I hate that I lied but I don't want to spoil things between us."

Bucky was quiet for a moment. 

"You really like him, huh?"

"Sure I do. He's sweet. And kind. And I could see going steady with him."

"Going steady? You sound like my Gam-Gam."

"I like the phrases—your Gam-Gam?"

"I mean my grandmother," he corrected. 

"Nope. You said Gam-Gam. No take backs."

He sighed and you grinned freely into the dark. 

"That's not going away anytime soon."

"Nope."

He hummed, chuckling lightly. 

"What?" you asked. 

"Nothin'. Just… you’re really something, L/N."

"Bet you regret meeting me now."

"Actually, it's been my dream to hide in a janitor's closet."

"Funny.” 

You were quiet, holding your breath, but the voices continued.

"Steve's hung up on you too, by the way,” said Bucky. “I tried to warn him but that punk doesn't listen."

"I am a pleasure to be around."

"Sure you are."

You grunted, then yawned. 

"I should be studying," you grumbled, resting your eyes. "Instead I'm here. Hiding in a closet. With you."

"Classes are over."

"Not for me. I still have assignments due this week."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does. I knew I should’ve stayed home. Would’ve saved me a whole lot of trouble.”

“But then you wouldn’t be able to watch me dazzle the crowd with my athletic prowess.”

You turned your head, close enough to bump into his shoulder pads.

“Do you listen to the words that come out of your mouth, or…?”

“It’s a fact,” he said. “You’ll see. We’re sights to behold.”

“Incredible. How do you manage to fit through the entrance with that big of a head?”

“Carefully, so it doesn’t get caught on the door.”

The voices suddenly stopped. You froze. Then their footsteps retreated, and you sighed. 

Bucky opened the door, letting you go first, then closed it behind him. You stretched briefly, then turned, hands and pom-poms on your hips. 

"Do you know where Nat is?"

"No clue."

"Damn it. She probably ditched me to go make out with Sam. That traitor."

“If anyone’s a traitor, it was you, dancing with the enemy’s pom-poms. The nerve!”

“You’re an idiot.”

��It’s part of my charm,” Bucky grinned. “Anyway, I was told Prince Charming wants to see you, if you're interested. I can be your guide through these treacherous halls.”

“Oh.” You swallowed. “He wants to see me, like, for a good luck kiss?”

“Oddly enough, sweetheart, I don’t take stock of Steve’s romantic desires. We’re close but we’re not that close.”

Bucky paused, mouth pulling into a grin.

“Why? Haven’t you two kissed?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“Wow. Not even one of those polite church pecks you do in front of your ma with the neighbor’s daughter?”

“Shut up, Barnes.”

“I’m not surprised, actually,” he continued, unperturbed. “I mean, hey, Steve’s a looker. But he’s such a Nervous Nelly. And one can’t say if you’ve ever successfully kissed a guy without turning him to stone.”

“Actually, dickhead, I’ve kissed plenty of guys. It’s what they liked best about me. I’m–I’m so good at kissing, you don't even know.”

“Uh-huh. And did all of these guys ‘go to another school’ or were they friends that only you could see?”

“They were all real!” 

“Whatever you say, L/N.”

"You're such a—"

"Oh my gosh, thanks so much for holding these!"

The cheerleader from earlier was suddenly taking her pom-poms, smiling brightly. 

"Hi. Uh, you're welcome."

She beamed at you, then glanced at Bucky. 

"So, are you two…?"

"No!" you interjected. "No, nope, we are not whatever you were going to say. No. He has many lovers but I am not one of them. Nope."

She hummed, fluttering her lashes at him. 

"Well, then. Come find me after, hm?"

"Even when we win?" grinned Bucky and you rolled your eyes. 

"We'll see," she smirked, flouncing off. 

Bucky watched her go, then turned to you. 

"Lovers?"

"Yes. You bed countless women and then never return their carrier pigeons. 'Tis a shame."

"Poetic."

"Mmhm.” You waved a hand. “Well, go on. Aren’t you gonna chase after her?” 

“What? Oh.” Bucky shrugged. “I can find her later. Somebody’s gotta make sure Fury doesn’t catch you doing the chicken dance.”

“Hilarious, Romeo."

"Does that make you Juliet?"

"No, I'm in another play. Far, far away. You can't see me, I'm actually an illusion. OooOoooh!"

"That was a ghost.”

"Oh. I don't know what sound illusions make. How 'bout, 'Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy!'" 

"That one's pretty ghostly too."

"And toxic. Morally gray is putting it lightly, don't you think?"

"Definitely," Bucky nodded seriously. "You don't wanna be taking relationship tips from him."

"Absolutely not," you agreed, unable to help your little smile. "How do you know so many books, anyway?"

"What, you thought I was just a pretty face?"

"Not even that, Barnes,” you grinned.

"Ouch. I did tell you I like to read, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but I just assumed that was limited to the funnies section.”

“Good one. I’m a man of many talents, actually. For example, I’m a fantastic ice skater."

"Are you now?"

"Yup. Could've been a hockey all-star instead."

"Maybe we would've liked each other then."

"Yeah," Bucky said as you pulled out your buzzing phone. "Maybe."

"Hello?" you answered. 

"Where are you?" came Nat's voice. 

"I'm exactly where you left me."

"Lies," Bucky tutted and you swatted at him lazily. 

"Who was that?" 

"No one. It's… background noise. Where should I meet you?"

"Ask her if she's coming to Lucky's," he urged, pushing his ear to your phone.

“Back off,” you hissed, lightly bumping him. He snickered. “Jerk.” 

"Y/N? You there?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m here.”

“Just come to our seats," she said. "They wouldn't let me back in with how close to gametime it is and I doubt you'll be able to find Steve. We'll see him after, okay?"

"Sure, yeah. I'll meet you."

You hung up, then turned to Bucky. 

"Apparently it's close to gametime so you should probably go back."

"I’ve got time. Need me to walk you? Wouldn't want you to get lost again," he grinned. 

"I think I can find the entrance, Barnes, thanks."

"Any messages you'd like me to pass along to Steve? Good luck kiss?"

"You are such a smartass."

"Hey, I'd make it nice. Wouldn't do wrong by my bro."

"Good bye, Barnes."

"See you after we win!"

He began to head down the opposite way. You bit your lip, debating. 

"Good luck!"

"Don't need it," he called back gleefully, shooting a wink. "But thanks, honey."

You got through the main gate without a hitch and quickly found Nat, who'd already done the liberty of buying the concession snacks.

"There you are," she said, handing you a soft pretzel. "Thought you might've bailed." 

"What? I was exactly where you left me, Nat."

"Oh. Sorry about that. I had to book it. Sam and I were, uh…" she turned her head and you squinted. 

"Is that a hickey?"

She hurried to pull the collar of her coat up and you gasped. 

"Je t'accuse! I knew it! I knew you left to go make out with your boyfriend."

"Just because you don't plan on making out with anyone doesn't mean I can't. It was for good luck."

"Uh-huh. Shame on you, Romanoff."

"You're fine. I gave you an apology pretzel. Sorry about Steve, though. I did, however, manage to get the jacket he promised you," she said, pulling out a black windbreaker with the team logo on it. She handed it to you and you smiled, changing your coat for it. 

"He remembered."

"Of course he did. Make sure you’ve got it on afterwards too.”

"When we go to Lucky's?"

Nat lifted a brow. 

"How do you know about Lucky's?"

"Uh, just… overheard some people talking about it."

"Oh. Well, yes. Provided they win, of course."

"They will. So is it a restaurant?"

"And bar. They've got the best mozzarella sticks."

"Why am I just now learning about these places with reportedly amazing food?"

"Because you refuse to be social outside of classes."

"Okay, touché," you allowed. "But in my defense, it's not really my personality."

"That's why you have me. To drag you to new places," she smiled, sipping her slurpee.

"Your tongue is going to be blue for a year."

"Damn right!"

The seats began to fill. You hadn't really understood in past years what the big deal was. You'd never been much for spectatorship and, not to mention, the biggest games always tended to be when you were loaded with schoolwork. But eventually, you got caught up in the crowd just like everybody else, gripping Nat's hand and holding your breath when Sam scored or when Steve nearly missed the interception. 

Bucky hadn't been lying. He was good. They all were, but your eyes often fell back on him. He contributed many scores of his own, always cheerfully turning to the crowd and drinking in the praise like the glutton he was. 

In the second half, the other team started to catch up. Nat had forgotten all about her popcorn, anxiously murmuring under her breath. 

“Come on, baby, come on,” you could hear her saying, anxiously crumpling her popcorn carton. 

The ball was thrown. You stood, stiffly watching Sam sprint across the field, then he passed it to Bucky, who caught it.

"Woo!" you cheered, clearing your throat when Nat glanced at you. "What? I’m being supportive."

He ran, about to touchdown, before a mountain-sized meathead crashed into him, tackling hard. They both went to the ground and the ball slipped out of reach. You winced, stomach flipping.

"Shit," Nat cursed at your side. 

"Is he okay?" you asked. 

"I don't know." 

You waited, gnawing on the inside of your cheek. Sam and a medic ran to help him up. 

"Alright, yeah, he's fine. It happens," she assured. "They're tough guys, though."

"Looks like it hurts," you replied, zeroed in on Bucky. 

"It's okay, folks!" announced Fury through a mic. "He's alright!"

The crowd cheered and Bucky patted his helmet and did a victory jog back onto the field. You rolled your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. 

"He's such a showoff."

"Can't argue there," Nat laughed, sitting down. 

The rest of the game went on with minimal bruising and when Sam scored the winning touchdown, you leapt from your seat, clapping and screaming along with the stadium, the team crowding around Sam in celebration. 

“That was incredible!” you shouted and Nat nodded, grinning.

“Told you!”

You let the field empty for a few minutes first, not wanting to fight through the crowd. 

"How's my glitter?" you asked. 

"Still looks good. You may be glittery until the new year, actually."

"It's one way to start it. Are we going to Lucky's?"

“Sure you don't want to go home? I know you have work due."

"I'm already out. And I want to congratulate the team."

Nat raised an eyebrow. 

"The team? You only know, like, three players. One of them you can’t stand. If you want to see Steve, you can just say that.”

“I want to congratulate the team,” you insisted. 

“Whatever you say…”

Lucky’s was a typical college bar, filled with university flags and jerseys, packed from tonight's victory. Sam was surrounded by several fans, good-naturedly interacting with the small cluster. At the sight of Nat, he stood, excusing himself to meet her. 

"That was some victory, Captain," she said as he kissed her, leaving another on her cheek. 

"All in a day's work," Sam grinned, then turned to you. "And who do we have here? The one who swore an oath to never attend a game?"

"Hi, Sam," you simpered, accepting his hug. "You were awesome and miracles happen all the time, you know."

"So I've heard. Your sweetheart's getting a drink, by the way."

"You mean Steve."

"Am I supposed to mean somebody else?"

"Y/N doesn't like to advertise it, is all," Nat said coyly. "She's got a reputation to uphold."

"Ah. Well, my lips are sealed," grinned Sam. 

They began to eye each other and you let out an exasperated sigh. 

"I know you’re dying to get out of here. Go, I’ll be fine."

“Are you sure?” asked Nat and you rolled your eyes.

“Go. I’ll find Steve.”

She sent a grateful smile over her shoulder, leading Sam away. You began the trek through the throngs of people, searching for Steve, and found him at the bar, patiently enduring his excited teammates. He excused himself once he spotted you.

"Hey," he said, leaning in. "Let's go someplace quieter, yeah?"

People parted easily for him too, but whether it was the bulk or the general solid presence Steve seemed to hold, you weren't sure. 

"You sure know how to get through a crowd," you said once you'd both sat at a lone corner booth. 

"Comes with the territory. I s'pose the height doesn't hurt either."

"No, probably not," you laughed. 

"I, uh, initially got a beer for Sam," Steve explained, gesturing to the bottle. "But, he seems to have vanished…"

"Natasha's pretty distracting.”

"I see. Well, uh, if you like beer? Or I can get you something else."

"Beer’s fine. I'm not drinking much tonight anyway. Essays and hangovers don't mix."

"Right, yeah. I appreciate you coming, despite the work. It's really nice of you."

"Oh. Um, you're welcome," you said, managing a tight smile. "The game was great. You all played incredibly."

"Thank you," he beamed. "It was close, but Sam and Bucky really pulled through."

"Yeah, that second half was rough. You're all, um, checked out, right? Like, by a doctor or…"

"Yeah, don't worry," he soothed. "We all got cleared. 'Specially when they know most of us will probably be drinking tonight; they're very thorough."

"Good, good."

"Was the jacket warm enough?"

"It was, yes. I wore it the whole time."

"You look better in it than I do," Steve smiled and you waved your hand. 

"Oh, I doubt that."

"No, really. It suits you."

"Thanks, Steve."

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, hesitating.

"I actually wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot.”

"What do you say about trying out that second date? I mean, uh, technically the first date, since the last wasn't completely settled, but…”

"Oh. Wow, um—"

"Or not, if you're not interested, that's alright too," he quickly cut in, then blushed. "Sorry. I interrupted."

"It's okay," you smiled. "No, yeah, a second try would be great. What were you thinking?"

"Do you like Italian?"

"What's not to like?"

He brightened. 

"Great! I know this place nearby. Does Saturday at eight work?"

"Yeah, that works.”

"Okay, good. I mean, I know we've got a pretty long break but I'm actually gonna visit my ma that Monday, so…"

"Right, right. You grew up nearby, didn't you?"

"Yeah, a few hours away," Steve said. 

"That must've been nice, being able to see her so often."

"It was. Although in freshman year she actually had to set a limit to the drives I was making. I wanted to go every weekend and I think she was afraid I wouldn't become independent enough. My first time being away from home and all."

"I understand. Sounds tough," you sympathized. 

"It was, yeah. Bucky really helped. At least one person was constant, y'know?"

You hummed, glancing across the bar.

"You guys are close, huh?"

"We are," he affirmed. 

"I'll keep my snarky comments about him to a minimum then. For you.”

Steve laughed at that, shaking his head. 

"I appreciate it, but after knowing him for this long, I can vouch that he can be a real bonehead sometimes."

"Well, I bet he's got plenty to say about me too."

He grew pensive, then shrugged. 

"Not recently. He… actually gets pretty quiet these days when your name comes up. I wouldn't have asked you for coffee if it weren't for him, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Bucky was the one who encouraged me to talk to you. Said we'd make a good pair, 'cause I'm not like him," he snorted. 

"Oh. Wow. I—he's a good friend.” 

"Yeah. Not much I wouldn't do for him."

You nodded, fiddling with your fingers. 

"So any plans for the break?" Steve asked after a long pause. 

"No, my family lives pretty far and I saw them last month, and ticket prices are a trip. Which reminds me… if there are any places to visit around here, you know, Nat and I’d appreciate a tour guide."

"Absolutely," said Steve, nodding enthusiastically. "I'd be happy to. I've got a pretty good lay of the land here. So does Bucky—I'm sure he knows some stuff to do too."

"Yeah, I don't think I could manage a whole day with Barnes. We'd probably kill each other."

"Right, of course," he chuckled. "Well, when I come back from my Ma's, I'd be glad to spend time with you, Y/N."

"I'd like that.”

You chewed your lip, debating, then shifted closer to Steve, arm against his. He smiled at you and you returned it. 

"Cold?"

"Um, yeah," you lied.

"Oh. I can get your coat if you like."

"Or you could put your arm around me?" 

Steve nodded in realization. 

"Ah. Yeah, I can do that."

He slid an arm around your back. You shifted, trying to get comfortable. Steve ran hot just like Bucky, firm with muscle. 

"Maybe move your arm up?"  

"Sorry," he said, shifting, and you shook your head. 

"'S fine. This is nice."

You looked around and spotted Bucky, who was in the corner playing a game of pool, loud and the center of attention as always. The conversation from earlier suddenly struck you as he leaned into a pretty redhead, causing her to giggle. You turned sharply, almost bumping Steve's chin. 

"Why haven't we kissed?" you blurted.  

Steve's brows rose and he cleared his throat, turning pink. 

"Oh. Uh, I don't know. I mean, we can. Did you… want to?"

"Well, yeah. Do you want to kiss me?"

"Yeah, yeah, 'course."

You nodded, straightening to be eye-level with Steve. 

"Okay. Then let's kiss."

"Okay.”

You faced each other, and Steve rested a palm on your cheek. You put your hand on his ribs, then thought better of it and moved to his arm.

“Trying to be polite,” you tittered through nerves.

“You are,” Steve murmured, leaning in. 

The kiss was simple, not too long, and both tongues stayed right where they ought to. Steve smelled like soap and tasted slightly of beer. You tried to relax into it, aware that he could probably feel how rigid you were. 

You pulled back first, pressing your lips together. Steve’s eyes fluttered open, lips rosier than usual. As far as kisses went, he was definitely on the better side of the scale. Nothing about it had been overtly unpleasant or uncomfortable. Perfectly decent. 

“That was…” he began.

“Nice,” you finished.

Steve opened his mouth, then closed it, nodding.

“Yeah. Nice.”

“I’m glad we did that.”

“Me too,” he agreed.

You checked your phone, grimacing at the time.

“Shit, it’s late.”

“Oh, right. I can drive you home, if you’d like?”

“That’d be great. I doubt Nat’s coming back anytime soon.”

“Sure. Lemme just get the keys.”

He stood and you followed, shoving your hands into the pockets. Steve made his way over to Bucky, who had quit the pool game in favor of the redhead.

“Hey, pal,” Bucky greeted over the music, smiling even larger when you scooted out from behind Steve. “Bambi. Found your prince, did ya?”

“Easily,” you said, slipping your hand into Steve’s.

Bucky’s eyes flitted down to your joined hands, then back to your face.

“What a relief.”

“I’m gonna drive Y/N home, so I need the keys,” Steve explained.

“Oh, then, might as well drop Deena and I off too,” Bucky shrugged, gesturing to the redhead. “Doubt I should be driving right now.”

“What? You usually stay here for at least a few more hours. Just take Sam’s car.”

“It’s my car, Stevie,” Bucky grinned. “And my lovely friend here is ready to go, dig? Don’t worry, I’ll be outta your hair in no time, and you’ll have the princess all to yourself.”

Steve sighed, taking the keys. 

“Fine, alright. Where do you want off?”

“My place is good,” said Deena. “I’ll give you the address.”

You went in the front seat, Steve at the wheel. Bucky and Deena whispered quietly, although when you began to hear noises, you quickly turned around. Bucky had his hand on her thigh and she was quite enthusiastic about threading her hands through his hair. You loudly cleared your throat. 

"We're literally still in the car, Barnes; do you think you can keep it in your pants for ten minutes? Steve and I aren't itching to be voyeurs."

He reluctantly let go, lazily dragging his gaze to you. His lips were slick and swollen red, and he languidly wiped her lipstick off his Cupid's bow where she'd gotten too excited with his thumb.

"If you say so, honey. Thought you might want a reference for Stevie."

"Bucky," Steve warned, looking at him through the rear view mirror. 

"Okay, okay," he surrendered, raising his hands. 

Deena fixed her hair in the camera of her phone, not paying you much mind. You turned back around. 

"So when am I gonna see your articles again?" said Bucky. "Paper doesn't feel the same without your wit, y’know."

"After the break," you clipped.

"Gotta prepare myself, huh? After last month, who knows what you'll write next."

"Wait, you wrote that thing about Bucky last month?" asked Deena. 

"Yup."

She scoffed. 

"That was so lame. Your jokes weren't even that funny."

"Well, it's not for everyone," you said, forcing yourself to remain calm. 

"I thought it was funny," offered Steve and you smiled at him. 

"Bucky, that was totally stupid what she did," she continued. "She can't even write."

"That so?" asked Bucky, cool as a cucumber. "Huh. I was told Y/N's the best writer there."

You blinked, turning to meet his eye. He did so unflinchingly, without a trace of humor in his expression. 

"No way," she rebuffed. "My friend Gina writes about the science clubs and she's a way better writer."

"Gina? The one who made her dad tell the dean to let her into the paper? You know she plagiarizes every other week, right?"

"That's not true!" she huffed. "You're just jealous 'cause she doesn't need to write middle school jokes to get the attention of a guy who's ten times out of her league!" 

You appraised her coolly. 

"I can see why you're frustrated. Middle school jokes are well above your reading level, I'm sure." 

Her mouth fell open and she angrily looked at Bucky. 

"Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?"

You rolled your eyes. No doubt Bucky would smooth things over and follow her out.

"Actually, Deena, I don't think this is gonna work out tonight.”

You stared. Bucky didn’t look at you.

“And frankly, I can't be with people who don't appreciate good journalism."

You turned your head, smiling out the window. 

Deena muttered some choice words under her breath. It was only a few minutes before you arrived at the apartment, awkward silence the whole way. She slammed the car door hard, flipping you all off before stomping upstairs. 

"Well. You sure know how to pick 'em, Barnes.”

"I swear, she wasn't that belligerent at the bar."

"You could've followed her in," you shrugged. "Garbage personality but she's cute."

"Nah," he chuckled. "I've got standards."

"Since when?" asked Steve.

"You watch it, punk.”

“Also, Deena and Gina?” you scoffed. “Is the circus in town?”

They both laughed at that. You sat back, dozing now that you didn’t have to duke it out with catty Bucky fans.

“Hey, whatever happened to that cheerleader?” you wondered.

“Dunno; never saw her afterwards.”

“What cheerleader?” asked Steve.

“L/N got lost looking for Tasha,” Bucky cut in smoothly. “We ran into a cheerleader from the other team along the way.”

“Oh,” accepted Steve. “I see.”

He pulled up to your building and you began to unzip his jacket.

“You can keep it, if you want,” Steve offered. “It’s cold.”

“Oh.” You zipped it back and smiled. “Right. Thank you.”

“Sure, yeah. Want me to walk you up?”

“No, that’s okay. RA’s a real stickler at this hour; I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

You sat for a second, glancing briefly at Bucky before leaning in to peck Steve. Your aim was off in your haste, catching the corner of his mouth, but he smiled all the same.

“Good night, Steve.”

“Good night, Y/N. We’re on for Saturday?”

“Definitely.” 

You hesitated, then cleared your throat, nodding at Bucky, not quite meeting his eye.

“N-night, Barnes. Thanks for… uh, you know.” 

“Sure, L/N. Couldn’t have your very first game night spoiled like that, eh?”

“Heh, right.” 

You fumbled for the door handle, wincing when you bumped your elbow on the glass.

“Shit, ow.”

“Are you okay?” 

“Everything good, L/N?”

You slipped out of the car, stumbling back a few steps.

“Uh, fine! Fine. Bye.”

Steve gave you a little wave and you returned it, before spinning on your heel, shoving your hands into the pockets. You waited until you were out of sight before you stopped to pinch the bridge of your nose, kicking a pebble. 

Maybe you should’ve just worked on your essays. 

-

Next chapter

[loyally-unfaithful]

domestic life hc—tartaglia | childe

word count: 2.8k

pairing: tartaglia | childe/gn!reader

genre: fluff

a/n:  idk man i got the childe brainrot,, fictional kgb member, i love you <3

who kisses the other on the nose and the one receiving the kiss blushes?

childe would do it a lot to you, especially at the beginning of your relationship.

not that he doesn’t like giving you nose kisses—he still loves kissing you in general <3

it’s just that when you both just started out, your reaction would be more potent. you’d be more flustered, stammering as you stared him with wide eyes.

if you asked him why, he’d give a smile that’s so painfully honeyed, while his eyes twinkled with mischief.

« you’re just too cute when you act all shy. » his voice teasing.

but here’s the secret.

he is not immune to nose boops.

do not hesitate to do it to him!! give him a taste of his own medicine!!!

he will not expect your boldness and he will be caught very off guard.

his own reaction would be just or even more incredible than yours, actually sksksksk.

tease him and reap the rewards man.

he’d snap up and blink at you, surprised. not quite believing that yes, actually, two can play at this game. he’d try to stutter out a witty comeback, but it holds no bite due to the furious blush covering his face.

either way, the both of you would laugh it out.

nowadays tho, you mostly just playfully roll your eyes at him and smile lazily, waiting until he gives you a kiss on the lips too.

who sits on their partner’s lap as they wrap their arms around their partners neck?

this man is your throne and you will sit on your rightful place.

real talk tho, childe makes a p decent chair considering. and he actually likes having you on his lap—it gives him free and unrestricted access to everything.

his arms would snake around your waist, pulling you closer to him. he’s not letting his prey you go anytime soon, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

as you wrap your arms around his neck, his hands may even wander elsewhere.

maybe you’ll simply hold each other close, tenderly closing the distance between the two of you, happy to have his affection, and him yours.

or maybe he’ll take it as an opportunity to kiss you, roughly, with desire, with want, until you’re breathless and your lips are bruised. this position, you think, as you feel his hand sneak under your clothes and trace your bare skin (which now feels unbearably hot), may also lead to something else. something more.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

who kisses the inside of their partner’s palm before reassuring them everything is going to be okay?

before setting off on his travels, childe would press a gentle kiss on the inside of your hand, reassuring. it’s a message, a reminder, a promise.

a promise that he’ll stay safe, that’ll he’ll return to you, unharmed.

he does it to soothe your worries and let you know that there was nothing to be worried about—he doesn’t want you to get all stressed on his behalf. as much as it pains him to part from you for too long, he needs to do what he must; but he’ll be thinking of you and your health every step of the way.

so like

to go on a bit of a tangent

we know that childe’s work, as a fatui—a harbinger no less—is of course very dangerous. and even though he’s more than capable of handling whatever his travels throw at him, you can’t help but be worried for him.

and i also feel like, if you didn’t know this [his true nature] from the get-go, he’d hide his actual line of work or obfuscate most of the details from you.

it’s because he doesn’t want to stress you with the more gruesome details.

if you were never aware of the darker side of his profession, then he’d rather not have your perception of him be tainted. in your eyes, he was just sweet, darling tartaglia—not the murderer or weapon of war that he really was—and he'd prefer to keep it that way.

he’s aware that fatuis get bad rap as is, and he doesn’t know how he’d feel if his status made you afraid of him, or even worse, detest him. you hating him was the last thing he wanted.

you generally respect his boundaries, and accept whatever vague descriptions he gives you about his current “commission” (location, length of time). you have your doubts about his work as a “merchant”, but you have faith that he’ll see his endeavours through, even if you yourself are unsure and concerned.

anyway i…

i’m getting horribly off topic 0A0

moving on—

who initiates the forehead touch™?

after a long day of gruelling work, he’d probably long for your touch and affection, without exactly having the energy left to really vocalise his feelings. 

or at least, eloquently.

that’s why on quiet evenings, he’d seek you out and gently press his forehead against yours, pleased; you happy enough to follow his lead.

maybe childe lays his head on your lap while you play with his hair, untangling knots that have somehow formed in his unruly hair. at some point, he may reach out and pull you closer, close enough that your foreheads are touching. close enough to feel his warm breath fan your face.

you have to bend down a bit, and truthfully the position’s awkward, but your back’s protests are the last thing in your mind as you stare back into his pearlescent blue eyes.

despite his weariness, your comfort brings a smile to his face.

sometimes, he may even murmur something about how happy he was to be back home.

no words are exchanged, but there doesn’t need to be.

the love is there, and the both of you are content enough to simply revel in it.

where do they first say “I love you”?

things such as “i love you” and “i need you” are hard to utter for childe.

it’s a sign of weakness for him, and it’s a sign of weakness he does not wish to reveal nor acknowledge. if he says it, if he says that he loves you, he’s admitting a defect.

he has very little allies, and his enemies would not hesitate to take advantage of any leverage they can get. he doesn’t want you to be in danger because of him, he doesn’t want you to be used against him.

so admitting such vulnerability is very difficult for him.

however, though childe may be cold and calculated, tartaglia, ajax, is a man of feelings.

despite his consternation, he puts great importance over his loyalties and whom he offers his love to.

the first time he admits that he loves you, it is with great difficulty, as if it was a sin he shan’t utter.

he loves you, he thinks, but he cannot vocalise.

the first time he admits it, it was an accident. an impulse, the words whispered out against his consent, escaping before he was able to hold them in.

he carelessly lets the phrase out, and a part of him regrets while the other rejoices.

you make him weak when no other stands a chance to subjugate him so.

he hates it and he loves it oh so much.

it’s so so dangerous, and yet he is addicted.

he loves you.

who wraps their arms around their partner who’s cooking?

ok so like, it’s canon:

his siblings acknowledge him as the “the bestest big brother ever!” because he can cook and do housework. we stan a househusband.

anyway, this means that he’s at least a decent chef.

but because of his busy schedule as a harbinger, he rarely ever finds the time to cook, or to even be home. when he does get home, he would greet you before promptly passing tf out.

so he’d usually buy food when he remembers to eat. besides, his salary pretty much allows him to savour whatever liyue delicacy he wants to. the price, whatever it may have been, was negligible.

but honestly, truly, regardless of how luxurious and mouth-watering such expensive dishes were, nothing could beat home cooking. it hit different.

knowing this, you tended to prepare enough for two during dinner and save his portion on the dining table for when he gets home while you retreated to bed.

but on the off chance that he does get a day off, you best bet he’ll spend all that time within your presence. he is not letting you out of his sight and his arm’s reach.

he’ll ask you what you wanted to do. what you wanted to eat; he would treat you to anything, to repay your kindness, your thoughtfulness, as a way to say thank you, to say he’s glad to have you here and that he honestly truly cares for you.

you didn’t have to make him food but u did 🥺

if you said you just wanted something homemade, or if you wanted to taste what traditional snezhnayan food, he’d be more than happy to make you some of his favourite comfort food.

honestly you’re just shook that the man knows how to cook, and is quite good at it. an unexpected talent that makes you go “damn he’s the one, lads.”

as he works his magic, you’d help him around here and there, bringing this and chopping that. but for the most part, you’d just be his distraction and annoy him.

he will also annoy you back tbh.

playful digs and shade will be thrown… among other things being thrown…

yeah… cleaning up the kitchen is going to be a pain after this…

but he wouldn’t have it any other way—neither would you, for that matter.

you’re either gonna make something very delicious or nothing’s getting done, there’s no in between. you set the tone for this day dkfjd

if you want a chance in hell to actually get to eat something at the end, your best plan is to just wrap your arms around him and rest your chin on his shoulder. you’d pepper his skin with kisses while he tries his best to not be distracted from the task at hand (and maybe not slice his hand open with a knife).

oh well, what’s a little collateral damage here and there?

he’s here.

he’s yours, at least for now.

and you will take advantage of this.

who breaks out the first aid kit when the other gets a paper cut?

paternal cell.

paternal cell.

paternal cell.

we know childe do be a family man tho.

like let’s be honest, this man is a family man.

he loves his siblings and he loves his family. he has a very honest protective streak over his family and proclaimed loved ones. he hates seeing them hurt or unhappy so he will do anything to avoid such a situation.

if it does happen, he will do his damndest to remedy it.

so if he sees you getting hurt, even if it was simply just a paper cut, you best believe it’s protective ajax time and he’s pulling out the first aid kit.

bandaids, antiseptic, anti-inflammatory lotion, you name it. you tell him you don’t actually need half of these items and he shushes you before fussing over you.

he is making sure whatever ailment you have will heal up nicely and quickly.

he doesn’t want to see ur hurt :( and he rlly hopes u heal as fast as possible. you being hurt hurts him tenfold.

but not to worry, if he gets hurts? you’re also there very very quickly. you will rush to his side and you will fret over him, and his heart will fall all over for you once more, because you care about him and honestly it’s a nice feeling.

to be cared for.

maybe he doesn’t mind getting hurt if it means you would give him all of your attention and dote on him.

he just has to make sure you don’t find out he’s been getting injured intentionally because that’s instant banishment to the sofa for at least a few days.

who cuddles up to the other?

i like to imagine childe is a pretty affectionate dude, as in, he’s pretty touchy-feely. there’s also a little bit of possessiveness i think.

a lot of pda with this guy.

he wants to hold you close, he wants to be able to feel you near him.

so regardless of the time and place, he will make it known that you’re his, as he is yours.

it is no different as to when you’re in private. he’d snuggle up to you.

idk he just likes being near you? holding you, touching you, feeling you.

sometimes he can be a little restless in bed. if he doesn’t immediately conk out, he might build up some nighttime anxiety and paranoia. having you sleep soundly besides him makes it a little more bearable. it makes him feel safe and it certainly grounds him.

he finds that he sleeps a lot better and wakes up feeling a little more refreshed when you’re there with him.

of course, you were more than happy to reciprocate and curl up to him, his arms enveloping you.

though he might make a bit of a fuss and whinge, he lowkey highkey likes being in your arms. he won’t admit it, but being the little spoon is nice actually.

childe won’t ask for it or anything, he still wants to save face, but as you cuddle, the two of you would gradually shift until he has his head over your chest and he can hear the rhythmic beating of your heart. calming him.

who falls asleep on who? what is their reaction when the other falls asleep on them?

because of his job as a harbinger (not that you know that), he rarely ever comes home early or during normal human waking hours, so despite your determination you’re usually asleep by the time he slips inside your shared home.

that or by the time childe was comfortably sat next to you, more than happy to cuddle and listen to you ramble on about your day your excitement has already worn off, and in its place, drowsiness.

but it’s ok.

he would smile softly to himself, you asleep in his arms, small smile gracing your own lips, and gently lift up and carry you to your shared bedroom. slowly, carefully, he’d place himself near you without waking you up.

oh well, it can’t be helped. he’s happy enough to be around you, to have someone waiting for him.

but on the off chance you’re still awake while he was asleep, you would definitely take this chance to admire him, quietly watch the gentle rise and fall of his chest.

without that characteristic smug and self-satisfied grin, you’d wager he looked “innocent” you chuckle. but “innocent” and “childe” don’t belong in the same sentence.

stroking his hair, you’d notice how he looked so peaceful, carefree, even, when he’s asleep, and you long for the time when he’d look such a way when he was awake

you’d gently kiss his forehead, unable to bring yourself to break his peaceful repose to bring him to bed. instead, you wrapped a blanket you nabbed from childe’s bedroom around his shoulders and settle in his arms, happy to be near the man you love.

the next day, the both of you may wake up with terribly stiff necks rip

who likes to be held and who likes to hold?

i feel as if this is a shared sentiment. you both hold each one another an equal amount. ^u^

he’s used to being the older brother, the protector to his younger siblings, and he doesn’t oppose to having that role.

so in true childe fashion, he’d tease you for being all cuddly and insatiably hungry for his affection, but coddles you all the same (because he just loves the thought of, and being, held close).

you on the other hand love being adored by the object of your affection, paying no mind to his quips (ok maybe paying a little mind, as you huff and playfully hit him for being mean).

it’s ok though. he makes it up through his actions. and being paid attention to, cared for, adored and cherished by childe? you revel in it.

when you take him in your arms, he feels immensely happy and relieved.

to know that you care for him, that you’re looking out for him and that you love him—it brings forth a part of him he has long believed to have locked away and discarded.

a part of him that would’ve been considered weak, a part of him that wishes to be vulnerable, protected, and loved.

he figures that when it’s with you, it’s alright. he embraces it all the same because he trusts you.

you’re both smitten and you think to yourself that it’s alright his way.

because you have his heart, and he has yours.

LIKE MY WORK? CONSIDER BUYING ME A COFFEE // CHECKING OUT MY MASTERLIST | LINKS CAN BE FOUND ON MY DESC

[blookmallow]

hi i binged through all of salad fingers for the first time in like 8 years and im fixating again here are. My Theories. pls talk to me if anyone else has Thoughts or wants to discuss things. this is really long i am sorry :’ ) 

also shout out to the salad fingers wiki for helping me keep track of details and also for this 

-----

thought: salad fingers is not violent on purpose he did not mean to kill that kid 

this is less a theory and more “if you slander my boy with accusations i will Get you” but listen. i see people going “but he mURDERED A CHILD!!” because of the oven incident but listen. listen to me. he didnt mean to and cannot be held to the same standard of morality and understanding consequences as a. person who isn’t..... in whatever situation and mental state he has going on

- yes, the kid getting trapped in the oven was his fault. but it was not intentional or malicious and i sincerely doubt he understands what happened or why. 

he was asking for help reaching the fish (there’s no reason to believe he wasn’t just genuinely asking for help. he tears up in gratitude. theres no evidence of him Tricking People Maliciously in any other context i do not believe he would do that) and was distracted by the rusty nail, causing him to let go of the door. it wasn’t “he cares more about rust than about a child’s life” or something, i dont think he can actually hold “hey look at that i gotta check that out” and “i need to hold the door open so the child doesn’t get hurt” in his head at the same time, rust is his favorite stim/an impulse thing that takes over everything else and his perception of reality and the things going on around him changes very quickly and easily. more on that later. but the important point here is it wasn’t a malicious plot, or a neglectful careless action, he literally did not realize letting go of the door would cause harm 

he stabbed himself accidentally with the nail and passed out for a while (the fact that he immediately bled that much is concerning too, he probably has hemophilia which is. a medical condition outside of his control, as well) and after all that he had completely forgotten about the child altogether (and says “i must have dozed off” so he doesn’t even understand he passed out. and might not remember the nail thing in the first place) 

we don’t see what happened after this, we don’t know how he responds when he investigates the fish and inevitably finds an unexpected charred corpse in there, but i guarantee he won’t remember why its in there or understand that its a corpse. we dont see it again so its. entirely possible he didnt recognize it as a person and either just disposed of it or, uh, ate it. but if he did, it wasn’t with the knowledge and comprehension of it being A Corpse or the memory of how it got there 

theory: on salad fingers and memory / comprehension of death and consequences 

more on that subject

- we see him frequently doing things and then immediately forgetting he did it or forgetting what was happening. he accidentally squishes the bug (which also was not malicious or intentional, he intended to pet it but just. went too hard) and has no understanding either that its dead, or that he killed it. she has gone flat and gooey for some unknown reason. that’s strange. she needs to go have a wash, that’s no way to be. 

he eats the jeremy fisher puppet at one point and then immediately goes “where have you gotten to??” 

he even briefly forgets hubert cumberdale’s name and immediately comes up with another one without realizing it, and then later goes back to hubert cumberdale again with no mention of barbara logan-price 

he refers to the same little yellow guy as “young child” and also Auntie Bainbridge later on. he keeps up the fantasy of... whatever the fuck yvonne was being his child for a pretty long time but then when he arrives at “auntie bainbridge” ‘s house he suddenly forgets why he’s there, and even apparently forgets what yvonne is and uses  ‘her’ as a window rag instead and never mentions it again (I also don’t think she was in the sandwich at the end either. it’s hard to see but the sandwich contents are vaguely brown and theres a visible lump in the black goo behind him. i like the idea that the lil yellow guy made the sandwich for him) 

salad fingers is constantly subconsciously adjusting his reality to fit Whatever Makes The Most Sense At The Time and does not consistently remember things (sometimes even major things. he remembers his puppets the most consistently and still even forgets hubert’s name) or have a concept of cause and effect 

i think he possibly has some sense of recognition, “I’ve seen this person before,” but doesn’t always remember Why he knows them, and his mind just automatically fills in the blank with whatever makes sense to him. he doesn’t remember who the yellow guy is, but knows he knows them Somehow, so, ah, of course, it must be auntie bainbridge out for her sunday stroll :) and he knows he’s there for a reason, but not what that reason was, so he decides it must be time to clean the windows 

- milford cubicle was already dead when salad fingers opens the door, but he has no idea that hes dead. this isn’t even a cause for concern. my, he must be tired, that’s all. he kept milford there until he rotted away, too, so there was never a point where he realized anything was wrong (until he became skeleton. more on That later too) 

- he finds a corpse buried in the yard and rather than confronting the confusing and alarming reality of that situation, why it must be kenneth, back from the great war! at no point does he understand kenneth is definitely dead

theory: kenneth vs glass brother

i think he really did have a brother named kenneth who probably died in the war. could be some subconscious connection between “recognizing” a corpse as his brother, but i dont think he realizes any of that. i think the glass family is probably a trauma based hallucination, but a... well, reflection. pun not exactly intended lmao. on how his real family was and how they treated him

i dont think glass brother is the same brother as kenneth, since salad fingers interacts with them completely differently 

kenneth is a corpse that salad fingers projects a personality on and speaks for, while glass brother seems independent and malicious toward him. i think he had a good relationship with kenneth (so, when salad fingers imagines that he’s here, it’s cause for celebration and he’s projecting onto something inert and “safe”) and also had another brother (who was probably his twin) who bullied him and acted violently, so when that trauma resurfaces, he hallucinates a vicious Other that he cannot control or speak for.

it also tracks that the abusive brother was his twin - he sees himself reflected in the mirror, and something in his own face reminds him of that lost brother until it “becomes” him

he refers to kenneth as his younger brother, and sees him as a being that does not look like him, while glass brother is literally his reflection, so it would make sense if he had one identical twin and one younger brother 

ive seen theories that he had a real sister named bordois too, but i think him calling the bug “little sister” was just. a term of endearment or one of his little odd language quirks, he seemed to be talking to it more like a pet than like a sibling 

theory: regarding mable

- ok people are saying salad fingers killed mable at the picnic but i Really Don’t Think He Did

we never see him acting out violently when he gets scared. he tends to try to escape situations that stress him out, he shrinks, he cries, he goes into his cupboard (which is. incredibly upsetting given the fact he was almost definitely abused by his family) 

he takes on a kind of Authoritative Tone often, he gets sort of ruffled up and disdainful toward things, but that’s not what he does when he’s scared

when he’s actually distressed (rather than irritated) he tends to break down and retreat. this includes when other independent beings act in ways that unsettle and upset him 

so i dont know where the “he freaked out and killed her” idea is coming from. he suddenly goes from outside at the picnic to having a breakdown in his house so. he most likely just ran 

i think the Only time we see him act out violently is when he decides he has to punish marjory for not getting a haircut like he asked - he tears her hair out, but for me that scene was particularly concerning because it was so unlike him. that was an anger response, not a fear response, though, and he tends to be harsher toward things that he’s actually controlling (I don’t think we ever see him decide to Discipline something that was independent from him other than the horses, and he didnt hurt them) 

ordinarily when something irritates him he just goes “hmph! so distasteful. how rude. i shan’t have this behavior, you know” but doesn’t really actually do anything about it, and moves on

anyway we never see mable again so i think either he freaked out and ran away and she just didn’t come back, or he scared her and she ran away, or both 

there’s a dress visible briefly when salad fingers is making his Flesh Boy which could be mable’s (he did comment he liked it) but it’s not 100% clear, and that doesn’t necessarily mean he KILLED her for it. she could have changed into something else and left it somewhere and he found it. she could have died under unrelated circumstances, and salad fingers found her - he doesn’t comprehend death, so. probably he decided they’ve made amends now and she’s given him her dress as a token of friendship, or something 

i dont think it really looks that significantly like hers but the fact that it stands out so distinctly from the rest of the Pile could mean something 

but i just feel like if he had killed her we would’ve seen her corpse again, he doesn’t have a concept of murder, or death at all, or consequences, and his memory doesn’t hold out that consistently, so if he killed her, he probably would have calmed down later and then forgotten what he did and came up with a new way to explain the corpse in front of him - oh, how rude of me, mable’s here dozing right off and i havent even offered her a blanket. let’s get you to bed

like, he probably would have dragged her home with him, with the intention of being a good friend/host to his guest, not understanding what happened. he kept milford cubicle around a really long time  

it wouldn’t be like him to have any concept of hiding the evidence

speaking of milford 

theory: regarding milford cubicle 

salad fingers keeps milford’s corpse around until it starts rotting, and then after a very confusing series of events, the corpse is suddenly a skeleton, which surprisingly alarms salad fingers considerably, and then he goes out to find a whole bunch of himselves eating various bits of gore. they give him a present, which is a hat very clearly made of milford’s skin 

my conclusion: salad fingers, in some kind of dissociative fugue state, skinned and ate the remains of milford cubicle himself and turned the remaining skin into a hat. he also saves some of it to make hubert cumberdale (the real boy) later as well, probably forgetting where it came from. he does not realize he’s done this or remember doing it, so his scrambled mind tries to make sense of it with other selves eating unknown flesh, and a lovely hat appearing (which he doesn’t seem to notice is made of flesh) 

you can also see milford’s original name tag in the drawer later on when he’s building the flesh boy, so. he kept that after the mysterious disappearance of milford’s flesh, apparently. more evidence that that skin is probably also his

some other scattered thoughts regarding the most recent string of episodes and salad fingers’ mental state: 

ive been trying to figure out what the fuckhell happened with the yvonne incident and everything that happened in the birthday episode

im really concerned for salad fingers’ health and mental state, as it seems to be deteriorating 

some yvonne theories ive seen:

1. he ate the burned corpse of the kid who died in the oven, and it made him very sick, which ultimately resulted in a charred mass he couldn’t digest - he steadily gets worse, until his body finally ejects it (yvonne’s “birth”) and after that his health starts to recover again. since the oven incident happens really early on, all the times he mentions his stomach being upset after that until he becomes deathly ill would make sense, so i think this is plausible 

2. the hair he found in the cupboard was actually a parasitic worm that grew in his stomach after he ate it and became yvonne. i think this is Possible, it is a really strangely wormy looking hair, but it doesn’t move and he mentions stomach pains before this, so it seems less likely to me 

3. i also saw the concept that salad fingers is a trans man who suffered a miscarriage at some point in his past and yvonne represents that, and i can definitely see where the idea is coming from but i do think something really physically happened to him in the present time, i dont think it was all a trauma-based hallucination, since the yellow guy reacts to the black ooze and something was definitely making him severely ill 

so. i Don’t Know what the fuck that was about but i think the burnt corpse theory makes the most sense 

on that note: there’s a lot of cannibalism imagery in salad fingers 

we have no IDEA where he’s getting food from. im pretty sure its been confirmed that he is Not a zombie, we see him bleed, pass out, sleep, etc so it seems like he must be a living person who has ordinary needs. but we see him eat... his own puppets. hairs. sand. the soup glass mother instructed him to make, which made him very sick. he has a working oven but doesn’t seem to have consistent access to water. he had a fish somehow but who knows where it came from. it’s very likely he doesn’t get food often and some of his hallucinations and mood swings could be caused by starvation (and when he does eat, it’s things that are outright inedible or probably not good for him) 

the burned corpse disappears and is never mentioned again (though salad fingers is very sick afterward). milford’s flesh disappears and salad fingers violently hallucinates multiple selves gorging themselves on unknown flesh

and what concerns me the most about that is that he loses a lot of time in that episode 

he passes out in the woods and when he wakes up, it looks like a shit ton of time has passed

we don’t know how much is reality and how much is his warped perception, but it looks like a tree has grown and his physical condition has deteriorated 

he looks really, really unhealthy and haggard for the rest of the episode 

i think he had a huge dissociative episode and lost possibly weeks of time, probably due to starvation, and he ate milford cubicle and very possibly other people as well 

so my question is. how often does this happen to him

and what happens to him during that state? does he become violent and dangerous without being aware of it when he returns to himself again? or has he just been ravenously scavenging corpses when he gets desperate enough? 

its possible dr papanak is another personality he has, one that’s “buried out in the woods” that he becomes when he’s in a really, really bad mental and physical state 

he looks much better in the next episode (though that’s also when he has his outburst with marjory. could be that he’s still staving off the violent urges/hasn’t fully come back to himself after the last incident) and I’m really hoping the fact that he was able to finally stand up to his family (at least in some sense) and smash the mirrors could mean he’s making steps toward recovery after whatever the hell all that was 

there’s not really much space to do anything with his life or get much help given the circumstances but watching him slowly losing himself even more is Awful :( 

i hope we get more episodes im so desperate for more information now 

lastly, some random observations 

i tried to read this newspaper and it looks like it’s actually written in french, which is interesting given that salad fingers seems to be british (but fond of france, and seems to speak french or at least knows one phrase) 

i wonder where he got this, or whether it ever meant something significant to him

theres a lot of evidence that he can’t read (takes no notice of the “harry” nametag and immediately names him something else, “reads” a letter that is actually a newspaper clipping in another language he’s holding upside down, “writes” a letter that is just scribbles) so i dont think he learned his one french phrase from this or anything but, still. vaguely interesting. maybe he has been to france before and brought this back with him for some reason. maybe he’s actually in post apocalyptic france and was just originally from england. We Don’t Know 

theres a weird little face in the. heater? whatever that is in the background for a second and i dont like it  

salad fingers leaves horace in charge, but then sees him (as a live horse) in the woods, but then comes back to find him both still on the shelf (as a toy) and in the room (as a live horse, now with his, uh, surgery scars) but doesn’t seem to notice this and doesn’t comment on it 

i dont know what the hell that means other than possibly his reality is even less consistent and logical than usual/a reflection on his mental state deteriorating