#anyway hope you enjoyed my essay

[imaginechb]

If I may go on about Luke Castellan for a moment... (and no, not in a simp kinda way but genuine book discourse this time)

SPOILERS FOR PJO AHEAD IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOKS CLICK OFF NOW!!!

Something I realized the other day is that Luke himself was... never actually evil. Let me explain.

Everything Luke did was for the betterment of his life and the life of his peers. He wanted to make a better world for his kind (his kind being demigods everywhere), the goal was never some cartoonish supervillain plot of "taking over the world". He wanted to overthrow the gods so that no demigod would be ignored, neglected, abused and used ever again. That's why he did what he did.

Luke is all about the greater good. You could even make an argument for him being morally gray (meaning he doesn't care about "right" or "wrong", he only cares about his own interests and cause). He would murder the twelve year old kid he just met for the sake of bettering the entire world for good. Killing Percy would suck, yes, but in Luke's eyes, it has to be done. (Enter: the pit scorpion.)

Luke did many, many, bad and even evil things, yes. But a lot of that was under the guidance or even control of Kronos. Kronos, who was inherently evil. When we meet Luke in TLT, he's already under the influence of Kronos, and he's already scared to disobey, and he won't. Not just because he's scared, but because he truly believes in the cause he thinks he's fighting for, and because he trusted Kronos.

That's what all of this is really about. Luke put his trust in the wrong place. Kronos promised him what he wanted, yes, but was he ever going to actually give it to him? No. That's actually something I think the movies did pretty well was emphasize Kronos not actually caring about Luke or his cause, only caring about rising into power. Using him, just like the gods always had.

Luke was desperate and foolish, yes, but he himself was not evil. This is why he's able to kill himself and end the war with Kronos. He's able to regain that control and make that decision and be the hero, all because he himself is still good, despite it all. He can see what he did was wrong and does the only thing he can to fix it. He still wanted to do the right thing in the end.

Was Luke justified in his actions? Absolutely not. But was he justified in the way he felt, and what he wanted? Yes.

His whole life all he'd ever done was care for others. His mom, Thalia, Annabeth, the entirety of cabin 11, siblings or not. All of camp, really. And even though he was wrong about how he did it, him trying to overthrow the gods was for them, too. Was it a bit for himself and out of anger? Yeah, definitely. But he wanted a better life for the others, and that's why he pushed so hard for Annabeth and Thalia to join him. For his siblings and camp friends to join him.

He was misguided and put his trust in the wrong place out of desperation, but everything he did, the cause he fought for, was out of good intentions and maybe a bit of justified anger.

rant over have a nice day 😍

[kbsd]

when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes

OR: what were we supposed to take away from episode 4 if not ‘bucky is a war widow’

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Y'all wanted the presentation? Here's the presentation. Image descriptions are below the cut!

(technically this wasnt part of the assignment, which was "write an essay and read at least one full page to the class" so the reason why there's those huge blocks of text is because that is taken directly from the essay. i can condense things if I WANT to condense them)

[ID: 15 screenshots of a powerpoint presentation. The text is either white or gray, and the theme is various shades of purple, typically with bubbles of dark/light purple and images.

Slide one: Title reading "Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche" with three images on the side. The first image is a meme of two stick figures, the first saying "kotlc lore is second nature to us rabid fans so it's easy to forget that the average person only knows the average special ability count and one or two vackers", the second figure saying "and valin, of course," and the first saying "of course." with text at the bottom reading "Even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overcompensate the average person's familiarity with their field." The other two images are of Shannon Messenger, a white woman with blonde hair. The images are captioned "The dastardly mastermind behind it all" and "meet Shannon Messenger".

Slide Two: Title reading "Background" with a block of text and two images. The text reads "In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024, and a graphic novel dropping in November. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled." The top image is the cover of the first keeper of the lost cities book, captioned with "book one of what will soon consume my entire brain for years and years and years" and the bottom image is a fish staring at the top image as if it is a tasty treat, captioned "Poor, innocent little 6th grade me".

Slide Three: A block of text reading "This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast." An image of Edward Cullen from twilight is captioned "Me, apparently".

Slide Four: A small caption at the top reads "If the series ever ends you can call me Brant when Jolie asked him to leave the Neverseen the way I will burn down my house and kill everyone I love (haha just a joke to get us going)​" with an image of a huge explosion below it. Text reads, "Basically, KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Conventions. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I'd rather) the world ends before this series does."

Slide Five: Titled "Queer-Coding in the Lost Cities" with the image of Sophie Foster and Fitz Vacker on the side. Text reads, "The queer-coding doesn't just stem from Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally. Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality. Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust. Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement."

Slide Six: Titled "Queer-Coding: Qualden, Tiertice, and such other 🤨🏳️‍🌈 moments​" with the text, "Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, has his sanity forcibly shattered and is locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan (code name Granite), to raise his son. The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one, since Messenger has never attempted to hint at the existence of homosexuality before, but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, wow. this is what i see in myself.​" The image is a quote from Neverseen, reading "'What did you give him?' Granite asked, cradling Prentice like a baby. Prentice's head lolled to the side, his body limp and pale." / "Granite held Prentice tighter, whispering, 'It's going to be okay.'"

Slide Seven: Titled "Honorary Errol "I have five identities and they're all the true me" Forkle Mention​". Smaller text below reads "Strut it Magnate "I inspired Loki but don’t even ask about the horse thing" Leto!​" A picture of Mr. Forkle is next to a tumble post by me about Forkle being trans based on the Loki thing. The slide is decorated with several trans flags.

Slide Eight: Titled "Beauty Standards" with text reading "Speaking of things Shannon Messenger did subconsciously, it’s so painfully clear that this series was written by a white American woman that it makes me break out in hives. Messenger establishes very early on in the series that all elves, no matter who they are, are gorgeous in comparison to humans. For some reason that I’m sure has no correlation to Sophie and therefore Messenger’s personal biases (aka Western hetero/cisnormativity and gender roles), every single elven character is slim with clear skin and no glasses. For some reason, beards seem to be impossible for elves to grow naturally, since the only time facial hair ever appears on anyone’s face is when they take an elixir to change their appearance." An image of Sophie with her human family is captioned "Sophie with her ugly nasty disgusting human family apparently​".

Slide Nine: Text reading "Valin is a member of “the drooly boys” who, had they been “human, would’ve been skinny, with acne and braces. Since they were elves, they were fairly good-looking—or they could’ve been if they hadn’t slicked their hair into greasy ponytails” (Messenger KOTLC 170). It seems elves have evolved past the need for brown eyes, acne, crooked teeth, facial hair beyond eyebrows, and variations in body fat—not to mention most other features that make people unique. ​There is indeed a single elf who is fat and even has wrinkles (elves also don’t physically age past 30, fun fact). He alters his appearance with berries that swell his skin, making him the only unique body type besides Sophie’s human family, who are consistently thrown in terrible comparison to her new, movie-star-looking adoptive parents. The berries also make him smell, interestingly enough.​" Images of Councillors Zarina, Terik, and Clarette line the right side of the slide.

Slide Ten: Text reading: "By portraying the elves as the standard for beauty and then removing any pimple, stretch mark, fat roll, body hair, crooked tooth, big nose, or any of the thousands of features that add depth to faces and bodies, Messenger tells us that perfection lies in eliminating all “flaws.” She tells her young readers that they are desirable if they look like Sophie, or Biana, or Keefe—not Stina with her curly hair, or Dex’s too-skinny arms, or Forkle’s large stomach, or my human body.​" The family portrait of the Vackers is also there.

Slide Eleven: Text reading: "Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. I look at Sophie Foster and see parts of myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. ​In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.​" Sophie on the cover of Exile is also there.

Slide Twelve: Text reading "Literally the day after I finished this presentation a new Marella short story came out in the paperback version of Stellarlune (book 9). This is a quote in the short story:​" with a picture of the short story of Marella being gay about Linh. Also on the slide is "🚨🚨🚨Alert Alert!🚨🚨🚨​" "🤨🤨🤨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️​" and "Everyone is excited about Marellinh canon but I think she will simply never acknowledge it again.​"

Slide Thirteen: Just the text "Oh, By The Way, This Series Is Off The Walls Insane​"

Slide Fourteen: Text reading "Things that happen in this series: Alicorns have sex and then there is a graphic birth scene (but the Forkle as Loki thing is going too far 🤨)​, Love Interest confesses his feelings by telling Sophie he wants her to be assigned to marry him by the government​, An ogre bodyguard plays matchmaker with her charge and his crush (successfully)​, There's a guy who can sense "potential" except is definitely lying about this​, Villains die so disappointingly. So far we have "hit on head with rock" "smushed by door opened too quickly" "exploded" "fell into evil birthing sauce" (this last one was cool though)​, and A school principal becomes president​" Three tumblr screenshots and memes detailing other things that happen in the book are also there.

Slide Fifteen: THE END. A screenshot captioned with "Credits for the fake book 7 cover go to @/aphelea on tumblr​" shows a canva/booktok style fake cover for Flashback, with a dancing couple, a horse, and the words "he was a boy. she was a horse. could I make it any more obvious?"

/end id]

[mindfogs]

a brief comparison of compleately different medias that rewired my brain. yes i'm aware the target audience of this post is me only.

It was supposed to be a joke but I can’t do anything casually so a more vaguely detailed analysis under the cut.

spoilers for all three obviously but vague spoilers about themes and not plot points. i could have gone more in the specifics but it's late and i don't want to fall in this rabbit hole right now i need sleep.

If you strip these stories of all the cool visuals and funny jokes, if you take away their narratives with the world about to end, you're left with pure, naked, vulnerable love that is such a core essence of any of these characters. Love is what can destroy or save the world. Love is what drives the heroes forward. Love is what keeps them from dying.

I think all three stories are about being loved and accepted for who you are. Even if you've changed and you don't like yourself, even if you've stayed the same and you don't like yourself.

They're about tearing yourself apart, throw up, slashing yourself open in front of the one you love. Let them see everything, the bad and the gross and asking "do you still love me?".

They're about enduring, sacrificing yourself, everything, sacrificing the world, God, the entire universe for the one you love.

They're about trusting to choose each other over and over again, everytime, in every universe, even if the next time you see me I may not be what you remembered. Even if you don't recognize me.

They're about eating, gnawing, cannibalizing each other over and over and over in a mutual exchange of obsession.

They're about carving your own peace when you don't even know what peace it's supposed to be like

They're about grief and loss and learning to be whole again.

They're about submitting oneself to the horrifying oredeal of being known in order to allowing the reward of being loved.

It's about "it's rotten work" and answering everytime without esitation "not to me, not if it's you"

[kunikiiida-kuuun]

BSD Anime vs. Manga

S4 Episode 7 & Chapters 59-61

This is mostly going to be a compilation of the ADA moments, focused on Kunikida in particular, since Bones seems to freely pluck out parts from his characterization that takes away a lot from his personal arc. They have done it before, but in this arc, where each detail sensitive to his entire arc, I find it is quite a shame they were excluded.

Here are some moments that didn't make it to the anime, or simply didn't translate well into the episode because of a number of reasons.

A short disclaimer: I've never written any kind of analysis posts or even theories so I'd say this is more of my personal thoughts rather than a very objective comparison, since I hold Kunikida and the ADA very close to my heart. Buckle up for a really long post because oh boy, I have a lot of thoughts.

1. First signs of despair

(BSD Chapter 59)

Quite contrary to how Kunikida is perceived as emotionless, among all the characters in the room, we get a close up into his mind and thoughts first. They have been just declared as national criminals, and Ranpo, the most vital pillar of their agency was just shot and presumably out of commission. The all-knowing Ranpo who has gotten them out of trouble numerous times has been cut off. They sit there in shock as the realisation sinks in. They have no way out. Kunikida looks at his notebook, pondering out loud, "Is this where...my ideals come to an end?"

2. Kunikida retaliates back

(BSD Chapter 59)

This is one of the sides of Kunikida we may rarely get to see. While he is a character with a strong moral compass compared to the other BSD characters, there are moments when he prioritizes to protect himself and would go to any lengths to to prevent harm to his comrades, sometimes at the cost of his own well being. He wouldn't kill anyone, but should the circumstances call for it, he wouldn't hesitate to remove that obstacle. This is similar to how he shoots a little kid who was firing at him and Atsushi in the cannibalism arc. However the circumstances are entirely different in both scenarios. At that time, his inner conflict was more evident, since the children had been lied to, and instructed to shoot and didn't know any better. He had to protect himself and Atsushi. Over here, he is more or less wrongly being accused, which would explain his actions.

Before this, there's also a gentle look that passes over his eyes, as he reminisces about working along with them, and the fact that they see him as an enemy now.

I do however, appreciate that in the anime, his voice is softer, and not rude or mean to the soldiers they just defeated.

3. Remorse

(BSD Chapter 60)

Just as they are able to escape and catch their breaths, Kunikida is immediately filled with remorse for his actions. There is the special emphasis on the "light in the eyes" that Kunikida refers to, something which is very important to a character in Harukawa sensei's art style. He struck down a person, who was someone just like him, someone who was simply holding up his own ideals for the "good" of the nation, something Kunikida himself resonates with. He questions the justness of his own actions, and is in an inner dilemma about everything he stands for. Despite his "tough" exterior, Kunikida is inherently a person who is deeply vulnerable. He puts up his walls, but these walls even seem to break too easily, caused by his own self doubt.

This internal conflict is completely missing in the anime, and while it may seem inconsequential to the overall plot, it takes away a lot of impact that comes ahead. There is a lack of a dramatic pause that this scene gives, as the horror sinks in not just for us, but our characters as well.

4. Ray of hope

(BSD Chapter 60)

Before everyone, especially Kunikida sinks into complete despair, Kenji speaks up, starting on a completely unrelated and seemingly pointless note. He offers everyone some rice balls, surprising everyone.

(BSD Chapter 60)

Kenji is just such a precious boy. Kenji's logic is eating = happiness so by offering the rice balls, he's literally saying "please don't feel dejected!! I want you all to stay healthy and be happy!!"

Kunikida tries to reason, initially feeling that Kenji was making light of the situation. But Kenji is clearly having none of it and stops him immediately. We unfortunately missed this absolutely hilarious scene of Kenji shutting up Kunikida by shoving a rice ball into his mouth LMAO.

In hindsight, as I rewatch the anime, Kenji's speech is a nice optimistic boost in very Kenji fashion, but it comes across as a touch too happy go lucky in the anime and you can't deny how much more impactful it is when instead of just a random speech, he's purposefully uplifting everyone's spirits.

He isn't just being optimistic and is aware of the grim situation. He understands that he would need to use his ability for the obstacles they may face ahead and forgoes eating the rice balls (as Kenji cannot use his skill if his stomach is full). That's when even Kunikida realises that he is being serious. He understands how everyone feels, and reassures them, essentially saying that the agency will get through, rebuild, and continue on their path no matter how many difficulties come their way.

I have to say, this moment here is even more touching with his backstory that was recently revealed a few chapters ago. Kenji actually comes across as very mature for his age with his outlook on life and his kind and humble nature.

There is an immediate change in Kunikida's demeanor after this. He acknowledges Kenji's words and bites into the rice ball, accepting his 'unique' way of encouraging them with gratitude. And hereforth emerges the leader within Kunikida. I'm working on another post related to Kunikida and his role as the future ADA leader, but Kunikida is truly a people's leader. He spurs into action when he has the trust and support of his comrades and is the most confident when backed and reassured by the ones near him.

Unfortunately I find that this moment completely fell flat in the anime. They included Tanizaki's line about being criminals and it's in response to that that Kenji gives his speech which isn't bad per se....but doesn't give the same impact as the manga. They added some sparkles ✨ as he was speaking which made it a tad bit animated whereas in the manga it seems like the sun is shining on him...which makes me wonder how the anime would've looked if they actually showed a progression of time instead of just sticking to twilight hues...

5. Just your friendly neighborhood terrorist gang...

(BSD manga chapter 61)

And here is the most iconic and probably the greatest scene of all times, which was only partly animated. I'll let this one slide, but imagine how much funnier it would have been if they did include the first part. The fact that they are being pursued right now as the most wanted criminals, and how every second is extremely precious to them if they want to escape safely, and yet, Kunikida would steal someone's vehicle only after confirming they have an insurance for it (and letting them go if they don't).

Even him choosing to take a private vehicle rather than public transport to avoid jeopardizing other's lives...Kunikida is just so good. I love him so much you don't understand 🥹💕

6. Comprehensive personality analysis by Jouno Saigiku (Kunikida edition)

Okay sorry this is just me being salty but like....did they seriously give us an extended fish eye cut for this entire scene??!! I was so shocked I couldn't even focus on the weight and symbolism of the dialogue. I get the fish eye potential of this scene but like why....just why.

It's such a pivotal revelation about Kunikida, not just to us, the audience, but even to Kunikida himself, his deepest and innermost thoughts and fears laid out in the open like that. Jouno tears him down effectively, making him question himself and his ideals.

This part makes me crazy emotional in the manga, because the whole thing about Kunikida's ideals is that it actually weighs so heavily on him that he doesn't really realise that he is crumbling under the pressure of it. Deep inside, he is aware about the futility of pursuing them, as seen from how he admits it himself in Chapter 40 to Katsura, but instead of letting go, he keeps pushing himself. His ideals are not for others to follow, but something he demands of himself, in order to create a better world. And if the people whom he wants to protect are taken away, his ideals would come to an end, hence he'll be "free" from the heavy burden of his ideals.

Reducing all of this into a mere fish eye moment....bones I will remember this 😭😤

However, I do appreciate that they added a scene of Kunikida shielding Yosano from Tecchou, a nice parallel to when Yosano takes a bullet for Kunikida. It was just very heart warming to see all of them protect each other. There's also a small panel that was not animated, one where Jouno kicks Kenji out of the moving car and asks Kunikida and the others to go ahead, and there's a look of uncertainty and despair that passes on Kunikida's face, another instance of his internal conflict not included.

(also what is with all of Kunikida's enemies reading up on him and studying him?? Like I'm no different from these guys tbh I get it, I'm obsessed with him too but back off will ya...🙄)

I'm only considering this fan-made video by cocoa as the true anime scene because wth were they thinking 😭

Additional thoughts Episode 8

Kunikida's final answer

I would recommend going and reading the full manga for better reading experience, but in case you're feeling too lazy, I included the screenshots. I'm mostly satisfied with how this part was animated, but here are some of my thoughts about it anyways. Looking back to this chapter in the manga, it's definitely much more dramatic than its counterpart.

There's a panel where they just show him with his back hunched all alone as he ponders over what Jouno said which is really neat. The look of horror that passes over his face as he sees Kenji being stabbed is much more dramatic. In the anime, Kenji being stabbed was even more horrifying, and obviously more realistic of a reaction than him just going "huh?" as if it was nothing much.

There's even a panel of Kunikida gritting his teeth, until he realises what he needs to do. I loved the way he swung off the helicopter in the anime, it kinda lives rent free in my brain ngl. When Kunikida jumps off and kicks Tecchou, there's a close up of his face, full of determination and light in his eyes... it's just so beautiful because he's no longer hindered by self doubt. This light in his eyes remains the brightest in all the three panels.

While originally I was under the impression that this would be a very sad scene, the anime and the choice of music made it seem more of a heroic moment instead, which the more I think about, the more I feel was a good choice. After a series of unfortunate events and near death situations, Kunikida is faced with the choice to either give up or save everyone. His choice to sacrifice himself was one stemming from his role as a leader and also, most importantly to protect anyone else from getting hurt. This is also his firm answer back to Jouno's words, that he would continue striving for his ideals, even when sacrificing his own life.

And also, spoilers alert: he doesn't exactly die, so I think it was alright if they didn't make it too dramatic or melancholic. Still made me cry buckets nevertheless lol.

I'm not very good at character analyses so I would recommend reading this one over here. It's one of the best character breakdown I've ever seen for Kunikida and they have covered this part of the manga as well!

Of course, another amazing explanation of this scene is by Asagiri-sensei themselves, which you can find here.

Yet another deleted scene...

Kyouka decides to go save Atsushi

(BSD Chapter 63)

If you're curious about when Kyouka decided to go and save Atsushi instead and how they concealed themselves so well in that hole, here's an extended explanation in a flashback that was skipped in the anime. It's no surprise this was deleted, and I was pretty much expecting it as it's not that important of a detail. The most significant part of this scene of course would be the sheer determination in Kyouka's eyes to save Atsushi. I think it is a neat parallel to Atsushi back in s1 who insisted on saving Kyouka, even after Kunikida told him not to. In both instances, Kunikida tries to protest, but eventually relents and acknowledges their will and determination, lending them his aid. The anime also kinda missed giving us a cool render of that page in which Kyouka stands heroically before the military when she comes to save Atsushi (unfortunately I'm unable to add the image because of Tumblr's ten image limit...sigh).

Final thoughts

I've said this before, but I understand that anime has time constraints and other production matters that I'm unaware about, but the number of details that were removed while not surprising, was surely disappointing. My major problem was mostly with episode 7 with how rushed it was. By removing the build up, there's a certain lack of emotional depth in a number of scenes. There are many who did not find the episodes fast paced and rather consider it quite alright considering the theme of the arc, which is totally valid. However it's natural for manga readers to go into the anime with preconceived ideas about how they think the scene will go down. I'm personally just a little sad because firstly, Kunikida is my favourite character and secondly, I think he's one of the best written characters in all of BSD. He is one of the core characters in BSD, so I'm obviously disappointed that many of his parts just get removed since he's not one of the greater "fan favourites".

Of course, I have to give the anime credit where it's due. The animation is amazing this season and the voice acting is simply phenomenal. The OST is also pretty good and I desperately want that track they played for the hunting dogs introduction. They've truly given their heart and soul for this season, and I couldn't be happier as a BSD fan!! I'm super excited for the upcoming episodes!

Welp that's all from me! Thank you for coming to my ted talk! This was initially going to be just a simple compilation, until I started talking and couldn't shut up. I'm really grateful for anyone who reads this. Thank you very much!! If you've come this far, please do drop a comment because I'd love to hear your thoughts!!

Lastly, please go read the manga if you haven't already! Who knows, maybe you'll find some other missing detail of your favourite character!

[sexynetra]

Graphic Design is my Passion

[magentagalaxies]

video essay!!!

hi friends!!

if you were curious at all about the video essay i was putting together for my comedy-theory class or are interested in hearing about some projects i'm working on, here's the link to watch it:

the video is unlisted bc it was specifically made for a class, and since a lot of the future-projects mentioned will probably go through major changes before i'm ready to release them to the world i didn't want this to seem like any kind of announcement video, but i'm also super proud of this video (it's probably my favorite final i've done) and i wanted to share it with any tumblr friends who are interested

if you'd like to learn more about any of the projects feel free to dm me bc i love infodumping about what i'm working on and the projects i mentioned here are very important to me. also dm me if you're at all curious about the comedy theory i'm citing, unfortunately due to the time limit on the assignment i didn't have enough time to give an in-depth explanation people outside of the class could get, but i LOVE comedy-philosophy and i made sure to download all the readings by the end of the course, so i would absolutely be willing to send over some PDFs and do some comedy analysis education lmao

also the first thirteen-and-a-half minutes are the video i turned in as my final, and the last six-and-a-half minutes are my in-class presentation that went along with it. for this assignment we had to construct a "comedy manifesto" using some of the theorists we covered in class to analyze our own comedy and outline goals for what we want our comedy to accomplish, and then for the in-class presentation we had the option of either presenting an abridged version of what we said in our "manifesto" or performing a piece of our own comedy that aligns with our goals. i of course did the second one bc i will never waste a captive audience.

tbh i don't think this was my best performance but i will say i literally memorized it in 24 hours so the fact that i only messed up twice is still impressive (also the lack of audience response is at least partially bc this was the last week of classes so most people who didn't have to present just skipped class)

presentations were also optional and i was the only one who did a piece fully in-character so that also gives you the vibe of the room

btw every piece of music in the video essay (aside from "having an average weekend" by shadowy men on a shadowy planet aka the kith theme) was composed by me for my musical other girls (who needs royalty-free music when you still have the demo files from your musical in fall 2022)

also there was no requirement on this assignment to interview a comedian, i just decided to zoom with paul bellini the week this was first assigned as a flex for my video essay lmao. so anyway watch this video if you want never-before-heard bellini content (at least 20% of which is just bellini complimenting my writing)

oh also if you're curious about the buddy cole tour behind-the-scenes thing i edited for my final in a different class dm me and i'll send you the vid, i'm not posting that one anywhere bc it's not great quality (i made it while super burnt out and i didn't have all the time/resources to include everything i wanted to include, plus the audio's not great) so i don't want it to be released as like an "official first look at the upcoming buddy cole documentary" until i can put together something more polished, but i would be willing to dm the link for people who just want to see a video of me and scott causing chaos on tour knowing it will be a much more polished edit later

anyway go watch my video essay i got the highest possible grade available on it and i'm very proud

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Sonine Prime ... Part 5

Hi, everyone and welcome back to Sonine Prime! The part of the show when I come out and talk about Sonine (and a bit of Sontails) in Sonic Prime!

Last time we just barely started Episode 4, so we'll be starting right back up where we left off and seeing how much of the season we can get through before Part 6.

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<< Part 4 | Part 6 >>

(Essay/thoughts/analysis under the cut)

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I lied!

A bit.

We'll pick up right where we left up in Episode 4 still, I promise. I just still wasn't over the ending of episode 3. So, I've decided to use my allotted video per tumblr post this time around to shove it in your faces because I need people to witness this ending. That I am still not over.

Do you get it do you get it do you get it?

Okay, back to the show.

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It's a tiny thing that makes me laugh more than it's relevant, but the scene where Sonic meets Mangey is funny specifically because Sonic is so desperate to find Tails/a version of Tails to help him in each shatterspace up to this point. In a way, it proves to us just how lost Sonic feels without Tails specifically, and just how much the idea of losing him freaks him out.

Sonic is so incredibly freaked out when he catches Mangey (similar to how he was when he thought Mr. Dr. Eggman was going to kill Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty Rose).

"Tails...? TAILS!"

And yet, there's something a bit different about these scenes.

Let's put something into perspective for a moment.

Imagine being Sonic the Hedgehog. Raw talent, natural speed, badnik busting practice. You're aware that no matter what, everything always turns out fine, so you can afford to be cocky. And when things get too confusing for you and "winging it" won't cut it, you've always got your trusty fox best friend. Perhaps even you're a bit scared (whether you admit it or not), you feel lost, like nothing makes sense. But that's okay, because Tails is here. Tails is smart. You can trust him to comprehend what you cannot, to try to explain it to you. Whether you understand or not, at least Tails knows what's going on. And that's enough, because that means he can come up with a plan, and if he can come up with a plan, you just have to execute it. Simple. Easy. And even if he can't understand, can't come up with a plan, at least you have each other, right?

But Sonic woke up in New Yolk alone, has been struggling thus far to understand what's going on around him (one hedgehog with a spotty memory and not even 5% of the context the audience has). So he went to look for Tails first. Because everything is messed up and wrong and Eggman took over, and Sonic doesn’t know how. He doesn't know what happened. But if he can just find Tails, everything will be all okay. Tails can explain it, work out a plan, and Sonic can execute it. They can fix everything together.

But then "Tails" doesn't remember him, neither do his "other friends". He's lost and trying to understand what's happening because no one else can explain it to him.

Or in short, Sonic in Sonic Prime is just trying to seek out the familiar in the unfamiliar, find the one thing (or person, rather) that will make everything make sense, but he can't. Tails isn't around. He's not here (not in New Yolk, Boscage Maze, or No Place). But each time he seeks him out.

And after being ripped away from Nine, and remembering how he'd lost his all his friends before that, it just... Before he knows who Mangey is, when he sees Mangey falling, he moves without thinking, desperate to have Tails back. Desperate to make sure he (and his friends) never die.

"Am I glad to see you. The world is all blgdyblublu. You gotta figure out what's going–"

Even by this point, when he's realized that there are multiple alternate versions of Green Hill, he still tries to seek out Tails/a version of him, hoping someone can make sense of things for him.

But that's the thing. He never finds Tails. Nine and some of the other residents of the shatterverse are helpful, but Sonic has to spend much of the episodes working things out on his own while just wishing things made sense (or he could find Tails, so Tails could make things make sense)

You feel?

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Did anyone ask for more Sonic & versions of Tails and Sonic & versions of Amy parallels? Cool.

So I don't remember if I said this in a previous part, but here's my personal interpretation of Sonic Prime. In Season 1, Tails/Nine/Other Tails variants are paralleled to Amy/Amy variants in regards to Sonic, while in Season 2, Nine is paralleled to Shadow. Whatever your belief is on the relationships Sonic has to certain characters or how they feel about him (and vice versa) canonically, especially in Sonic prime, it remains that S0namy and Sonadow are two of the most popular Sonic the Hedgehog ships. And this is why these Amy/Tails parallels I've been mentioning since the first part matter to me (in terms of what they mean for each of the characters, AND what they mean for Sonic, as well as what the similarities and differences mean).

So. Let's take a look at Sonic's first meeting with Thorn vs his first meeting with Nine.

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Now, the very first difference. How the first meeting went about.

It's important to note that Sonic was purposely looking for Tails back in New Yolk. So when he saw Nine, thinking he was Tails, he followed him to his lab, excited to have found "Tails" and glad one thing (the code to "Tails'" lab) was the same as before. He'd turned Nine's "chair" as he'd done to Tails in the flashback, expecting, well, anything other than for who he thought to be Tails to be attacking him. The idea that "Tails" would attack him instantly throws him off, leaving him confused and sad. But for Thorn? Sonic went into this fight expecting to fight a "monster". For the first minute of the direct fight, he doesn't see more of Thorn aside from possibly her hammer. You can tell how afraid he his by how the camera switches from the hammer to Sonic's face, and shows him desperately trying to crawl away and break free of the thorns keeping him from running. So in opposition to Sonic seeing glimpses of Nine before he meets him proper (and then starts a fight with him), approaching this initially with peace in mind, Sonic doesn’t see Thorn at all until after being hit around a couple times, until after going into all this initially expecting a fight with a "monster".

"Yes! There's my two-tailed genius friend. Surprise~!"

vs

"Amy? You're the monster? Oh. Oh, those guys up above have really got it– Ughk. —wrong."

And then, after each of these, Nine and Thorn attack Sonic.

"Tails? It's me. Your best–"

"Tails, stop! We're buds—amigos! Best friends!"

vs

"Amy, stop! We're friends! You liked me!...to some extent."

Nine and Thorn continue to attack Sonic. Nine and Sonic have a continuous attack on the underground train in the scareport (where Sonic continues to reason with him, tries to remind him of all they've been through together). Thorn sends Sonic up past the trees with her hammer, intending to end the battle altogether.

Now, a couple things to note here. Except when defending himself, Sonic never intends to actually fight Nine back in episode one. In fact, he spends much of the fight dodging and trying to reason with him. And it's clear that Sonic also never expected "Tails" to fight him. The fact that Nine does fight him, treat him like a stranger, throws Sonic off. But with Thorn? Sure, he never intended to fight her in the first place, at least not knowingly. But now that he does know who the "monster" is, he speeds down the nearest tree with clear intent to hit Thorn back. It's only because he flashes back to Amy and this suddenly makes him feel like he'd be fighting a friend does he decide against dealing that heavy blow. And while it throws him off for "Amy" to be so antagonistic, it's clear to me from the "You liked me!...to some extent", and that his first reaction was to hit Thorn back (rather than try to reason with her like with Nine), that the idea of Amy attacking him in general doesn't throw Sonic off. I'd wager that Prime Sonic has likely been at the mercy of Amy's hammer before, in the same way he'd likely never been attacked by Tails.

Now, after deciding he can't just "smash" (as Sonic puts it) Thorn with a clear conscience, he begins to try to reason with her as he had with Nine.

"Quick recap. I'm not from around here. Violence never solves anything. And where I'm from, you and I are buds. So how about we put down your big hammer and just talk, Amy?"

"My name is Thorn Rose, and you are finished!"

vs

"What did you just call me"

"U-Uh...Tails?"

"The name's...NINE!"

...

"Snap out of it, we go way back! All of my best memories of Green Hill have you in 'em, and you're not punching me! Don't you wanna go home? Blue skies, sunny beaches...palm trees?"

"I don't know what kind of mind games you're playing, but it won't work!"

And here's what's interesting about Sonic's demeanor. While he's hurt, confused, and panicked during the fight with Nine (and this shows when he tries to reason with him), he's much calmer when reasoning with Thorn. You know, it's as if to him "Amy" just got angry/lost herself and it's up to him to de-escalate the situation.

With Nine, it's reminding him what Sonic means to him (means to Tails really), of home, of their adventures. With Thorn, it's reminding her of what Sonic means to her (means to Amy really), and, when that fails, trying to calm her down (as Amy herself might) to get her to just talk instead.

Now here's another interesting tidbit for these two fights. When Sonic and Nine enter the scareport, the two of them are on equal footing for the fight. Neither of them really gains the upper hand as Nine fights and Sonic dodges. However, the fight between Sonic and Thorn mostly consists of Thorn hitting Sonic around. Even when Sonic switches from fight mode to dodge and reason with mode, it's a pretty onesided fight, and it's one that Thorn pretty objectively wins. They're not at all on equal footing here.

Luckily for Sonic, though, he's able to successfully appeal to both Nine and Thorn in the end. He saves Nine from being hit by one of the underground trains, and he saves a flicky from drowning in mud. Nine's first impression of Sonic was of a stranger, a bully, intending to harm him and take from him. Thorn's first impression of Sonic is of a greedy scavenger, one of those who would intend to hurt the forest and drain it of its resources.

The tie in? It's that between both moments (saving Nine and saving the flicky), Sonic convinces Nine and Thorn that he's...an outlier of a person.

After Sonic saves Nine, surprising him, Nine finds who he believes to be the only person who would save someone (him) when there doesn't seem to be any immediately identifiable gain for doing so, the only person who may have protected and helped him back when he was young.

While Thorn isn't fully convinced that Sonic isn't one of the scavengers, those who destroyed the forest originally, it's clear that Sonic’s action of going out of his way to help the flickies surprises her. After all, she finally begrudgingly agrees to help Sonic find his way home.

Although, it is also worth noting that while Nine begins to treat Sonic more like a friend than he's ever treated anyone like a friend (when he fixes Sonic's little problem and goes out with him to get the paradox prism), Sonic is treated more like Thorn's captive in episode 4 (one that she'll release out of the forest when his business is finished).

Finally (I apologize for the length of this section of parallels) we get to the bit where Sonic and Thorn find the green shard. So, final things to note. Yes, Sonic spent more time with Nine over 3 episodes than the small portion of 1 episode with Thorn, but I feel it's also pertinent to recognize that neither were actually particularly long stretches of time in universe. Regardless though, for the sake of the parallel, I'm only noting here that Nine has become at least a bit attached to Sonic in a way Thorn has not. Sonic and Nine marvel over the prism together. In fact, it was Nine who'd asked Sonic to "grab the shard already" so they could escape the coucil's fortress together. However, after Sonic digs up the green shard in Boscage Maze, Thorn doesn't marvel over the green shard for too long before hitting Sonic in the face with her hammer, claiming the shard as hers.

But I suppose this also comes back to one big difference between Thorn and Nine.

Nine cares pretty much only about self preservation and staying away from the general public back in episode 1. Thorn, on the other hand, cares about the forest. Thorn was quick to push aside Sonic for the shard, similar to how Nine decided for leaving Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty behind so he'd have a higher chance of escaping with the shard. Only their goals matter. It's just that Nine very quicky integrated Sonic into his plans, while Thorn had not.

Interesting, no?

Okay okay I'll say the thing. Parallels between a Tails and Amy variant both meeting Sonic for the first time and pursing a shard with him: IIII

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So, Sonic goes for the green shard with a spin dash, yelling that he needs it, Thorn goes "as if I'd give the heart of my jungle to a stranger like you. You're a scavenger like the rest" and moves to attack, and so ends episode 4.

Putting the Sonine interactions from episodes 1-3 in comparison to all this with Thorn...really makes me embarassed on Nine's behalf for how telling his actions are😂

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And now for a moment you've (me) all been waiting for (because I didn't find anything in episode 5 I wanted to talk about)...

Sonic Prime Season 1 Episode 6: Situation: Grim!

I've been excited to touch on this episode since I started this little series about Sonine. Why? Because it's one of the season 1 episodes that gives me a lot of second hand embarrassment about Sonine (in a good way!), and it's just so fun to break down.

So, without further ado, let's return to New Yolk.

So, Sonic drops in, gets roped into the ensuing battle with the rebels versus the Eggforcers, and comments that New Yolk City isn't quite how he remembers it. Then, as he goes about explaining that he met "another you" (refering to Renegade), in another place, fighting another battle and the existence of other shards, he asks Renegade where Nine is.

"Anyway. Super stoked to be back to help with...whatever the heck's going on here. Where's Nine? I gotta pick his brain about this other shard I found."

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Later, after Renegade brings Sonic to Rebel and the resistance's base, Renegade "informs" Sonic that Nine left them (Renegade, Rebel, and Rusty) "high and dry" after getting the shard. Of course, similar to the scene in which Nine attacked him in their first meeting (while Sonic thought him to be Tails, this revelation seems to make Sonic...sad (a bit of an understatement, I know). Like he just can't believe Nine would do such a thing.

"I didn't steal the shard!"

"But your fox friend did, right before he left us high and dry."

"He...did?"

Rebel goes on to explain how she and everyone else had trusted them (Sonic and Nine) as a shortened version of the end of episode 3, as well as a continuation of the scene, play out. The audience watches Nine grab the shard, stop and consider saving Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty, before deciding to escape alone with the shard rather than risk losing it over trying to save the three (but it's important to note that Sonic doesn’t see this scene. All he knows is that Nine took the shard and left). Then, Rebel explains that after the event, the resistance grew "without you or that traitorous fox".

Now, how Sonic acts and what he says next tells us a lot about how he sees Nine (or rather how he wants to).

"If they get that energy crystal back, we're done for."

"Nine won't let that happen!"

After having his life threatened by Renegade and some of the resistance (which I may mention that Sonic never gives up anything he knows about Nine to save his own hide, such as the location of his base, even if it is true that he doesn’t know where Nine is currently), Rebel shows Sonic the palm tree. As of the Boscage Maze section, the palm tree has become a symbol to Sonic of what can be, and what he's lost. It's a symbol of the bonds he has with his friends, the memories he made with them, what he hadn't cherished properly before it was gone, and of hope for fhe future. Rebel showing it to him provides adequate motivation to help the rebels, showing him just what's at stake if they fall.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me...but I'm not a traitor and neither is Nine."

"Let me prove it to you. Let me fight by your side."

Sonic how does– how does you fighting with them also prove Nine isn’t a traitor Mr. "I don't want to believe Nine would leave someone to die"

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In any case, the battle between the Rebels, Sonic, and the Chaos Council begin, and Nine shows up just like Sonic always hoped he would.

"Sonic! Hang on!"

*In Unision* "Nine?!"

"You got a plane!...kinda."

In hindsight, we know Nine came to New Yolk to find Sonic and bring him back to The Grim with him. We know this is likely his intention, given how he yells Sonic's name immediately upon appearing in New Yolk, and then says "hang on!" when he sees him in danger.

Bit of a side note here, I actually almost wonder if Nine has the ability to track Sonic (perhaps through his regulators?). I say this because there is no proof, even by season 2, that Nine had gone looking for Sonic in any other shatterspaces and seen them before (in fact there's more proof he went to Boscage Maze and No Place for the very first time while he and Sonic were trying to make off with the shards towards the end of S2). If he was looking for Sonic specifically and just so happened to know not only what shatterspace he was in but also where he was, it makes sense that Nine would be able to portal to about exactly where Sonic was and to come out of the portal yelling his name.

As for Sonic, while Rebel and Renegade are (understandably) none too happy to see him, Sonic is just...so happy, man.

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Now, for the next bit where Nine participates in battling the Chaos Council, I think the intentions here are so interesting. Because Nine? He came here just to find Sonic and bring him back. He's battling the Council to free up Sonic and give him an opening to join him. We know this because Nine practically portals out New Yolk the moment Sonic is safe in the cockpit. Basically, Nine only "helped" so he could return to the Grim with Sonic.

But Sonic? He's just got done asserting that Nine would never betray anyone. He wants to believe that Nine cares for people and fighting for good like he does (and like he believes Tails does, but how Sonic sees Tails and how Tails actually is is an essay for another time). So when Nine shows up and starts blasting the council, Sonic believes not that Nine showed up just for him, but that Nine came to help. To Sonic, Nine showing up in their hour of need proves that he's not a traitor, proves that Nine cares about spreading good and peace to New Yolk like Sonic wants to believe.

Understanding their differing points of view and stances on everything is integral to understanding the miscommunications to come in this very episode, and in the future. And, so does understanding how each of them badly want to believe in a version of the other that wants everything that they want and is the way they think they should be.

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...And that will be it for part 5 of Sonine Prime, everybody! This was a long one, and it would have been longer if not for the tumblr photo limit, but no matter. Next time we'll be continuing Episode 6, and I'll probably mention a hundred more times how embarrassing Sonic and Nine are about each other (Mr. "I smile as soon as I see you again after time apart and wanted to see you again so bad" and Mr. "We barely knew each other for a day but I want to spend my life alone with you in a world of our own making").

See you in the next one!

[pigeonwit]

mr pidgeon. you made a post about crace (crutchie and race) as a ship like two months ago. they are my number one realest pairing of all time. the otp of otps. do you have any more thoughts about them? if so please share bc content is so rare and far between ty

love the way this is written like a formal request my guy. 'please sir may i have some more' type energy. love it. ABSOLUETLY yes.

so my big thing with newsies is that - to a certain degree - ALL the characters could potentially work together relationship-wise. it really just depends on how you want to interpret them, and since there are so many different productions of newsies and so much room for interpretation of all these slightly-different versions of the same characters, i have a lot of different interpretations for all of them. i've got a big empty brain and something has to fill it, and i spent so long pondering crutchie and race's dynamic in the,,, foooour years? five? five years of me being a newsies fan, that they're just,,, stuck in there and they're not leaving. so i would be THRILLED to share some thoughts*.

*every single crutchtrack thought i've ever had throughout my (approx) five years of watching and re-watching livesies and seeing uksies twice.

so my interpretation of crutchie and race as characters is like... they're both friends of jack's, but that's kind of where they end with each other. i didn't see their interactions in the musical as brotherly as other people do, i saw it more like 'we're supposed to be friends and this is how friends treat each other but it's just not landing the way it should' - in livesies and uksies, crutchie seems pretty offended (and a little pissed off honestly) that race implies it is only his limp that sells him papers. we know race is joking, but i don't think it ever occurred to race that that's not something he's allowed to joke about with crutchie. and to me, that speaks to them never having hashed out those boundaries together, which i interpret as them not having spent that much time bonding one-on-one despite both being so close to jack.

i also think crutchie being such a realist (especially in uksies, dude is kind of a jerk) made it difficult for them to connect with each other as well - i know a lot of people interpret 'king of new york' as race trying to keep the newsies from losing hope, and i imagine that that's part of it, but he literally got his name from constantly betting on horses at sheepshead, and with crutchie being such a realist ("we got the right to starve, let's just get our papes and go", rolling his eyes at katherine promising them a place in the paper, etc) i imagine that causes some friction between them. race, despite everything, believes there has to be some small chance things can turn around, whereas crutchie (again, ESPECIALLY in uksies) believes that focusing on what's real will keep him from getting stung - and THEN, during the strike, both of them seem to switch; crutchie is the one trying to be optimistic because he's finally let himself believe that they have a real chance, and race is pulling away because he knows the odds are stacked against them. and again - they are NOT getting along over it! race openly derides him in front of all the newsies! i wouldn't call them POLAR opposites, and i do agree they probably got along the way friends do, but all of their interactions gave me the idea that neither of them really seem to Get the other in the intrinsic way all the other newsies seem to. i never interpreted them as actually close, and certainly not brotherly, at least not until the strike, wherein they both start to realize there's more to the other than they thought. i think crutchie has always been underestimated by the people around him, even jack, and i think race always brushed him off as just another naive stray that jack was looking out for and didn't bother getting to know him, the same way crutchie probably brushed race off as an impulsive loudmouth gambler and didn't get to know him, either. i think their friendship became WAY more solidified during the strike for the split-second it lasted; and i think crutchie being taken away so soon after is left this massive hole race had been to oblivious to notice before.

i think race very suddenly realized the weight of crutchie's absence, especially right before king of new york - crutchie is definitely not an OPTIMIST per se, but he does clearly try to be kind to people, even when the situation is dire. but no one's doing that now. they're all wallowing in their loss and no one's there to goof off and make them smile again; hence, 'it ain't been the same without ya' (yes i made an entire backstory for that one fucking line i don't CARE okay i don't CARE you don't know how much that broke me). and i think after the strike, race - however conscious he is of it - is the one who keeps looking towards crutchie, keeps noticing all the little things he does to keep the newsies sane, keeps seeing the way he sets his shoulders when he's stressed and fiddles with his rosary when he's nervous, and doubly notices all the ways in which crutchie tries to hide that from people. i think he realizes that for all the years he spent knowing crutchie, being kinda-maybe-but-only-in-a-group friends with him, he never actually knew him at all. so he makes more of an effort, tries to talk to him more, even tries selling with him at one point, purely because race is the most annoying person alive when he's curious, and crutchie,,, DOES NOT care for it, obviously, because why is race being so nice to him NOW, when crutchie's freshly out of the refuge, than he ever has been before?

i imagine crutchie might chew him out for it, really lays into race for trying to take care of him when crutchie's made it pretty clear he's more than capable of taking care of himself - and i think race gives as good as he gets, really, because race doesn't shy away if someone's picking a fight with him. but i think at some point in the argument, race must say something along the lines of 'making up for lost time' - and that's something crutchie turns over in his head a LOT afterwards. until he realizes that oh, this isn't about his time in the refuge, it's about all the time they spent nodding at each other instead of saying hi or how are you, it's about all the times they awkwardly smiled in passing because neither of them knew what to say, it's about all the times they COULD have known each other and just. didn't. out of sheer convenience.

so crutchie turns up the next day and tells race they're selling together, and that's that. okay, so crutchie's blunt, race didn't know that - or, well, he did ("you're seeing stars all right", "ain't we got no rights?" "we've got the right to starve", etc), but he didn't... know that. not really. crutchie's polite to the delancey's and wiesel when they buy their papers, but when oscar tries to yank his papers as crutchie grabs them to make him lose his balance, crutchie stands completely firm, strong enough to make oscar wobble a little - and takes his papers with a saccharine smile and a 'thank-you'. okay, so crutchie's a decent person, race did know that, but he's no push-over, he's actually kind of tough, and race... did not know that. it was always there, and race never knew it.

so they sell, and every so often they make some attempts at conversation that, as awkward as they are, are still enjoyable. crutchie's funny, actually. not just roll-your-eyes funny, but genuinely, clutching your sides funny. he's kind of dark, too, and race loves it. and as much as race is noticing that, crutchie's noticing how smart and insightful and genuine race can be when he's not trying so hard to be a loudmouth - or maybe he was always that genuine and crutchie had just rolled his eyes and figured he was just being a loudmouth anyways.

they start selling regularly. they keep talking, asking questions - they try to keep it small, but somehow 'what's your favourite selling spot' becomes 'how'd you come to new york' which becomes 'how'd you meet jack' which... tells them a lot. and over some time, they're really starting to understand each other. it's weird - they're both very aware that race shouldn't have to ask what crutchie orders at jacobi's when they've supposedly been friends for years, they're both aware that crutchie shouldn't be surprised that race has so many cousins when he talks about them all the time, so on, so forth. but those cracks are starting to fill, and over time, they fit together. friends. real friends.

and when they're up late and drinking on the fire escape, and race turns to him and asks, "you ever been kissed? just, y'know, just askin'..." they both understand each other perfectly.

[steelycunt]

FINAL MIDBLOCK ESSAY DONE!! I AM FREE!!

[shy-sapphic-ace]

My fae hyperfixation has resurfaced! Here’s a quiz I made <3

[alwaysneedyforsir]

i'm glad your arm is okay :3

(yes, i managed to read all the way down those tags about baking. they were very cute 10/10 would read again)

aw that’s very sweet of you hehe thank youuu!!

spoiler alert if you read thru the essays i leave in my tags, you’ll def discover v fun lore about me 🤭🤭

[frienderbender]

gonna celebrate today the only way i know how. aside from drawing stuff. essays!

anyway since i get to be louder than usual today about my fave character i thought i’d link a bunch of stuff i’ve written on him since today’s all about celebrating our favorites and talking about why we love them. so here’s links to a bunch of stuff i’ve written about the one and only sober king, rikki kixx!

King for a Day (my ongoing backstory webcomic about him) (18+)

Rikki’s Personal Style Evolution from the 90s into the mid-2000s

Family Lore Post

An In-Depth Look at the Kikkin’ It Rehab Center

A Very Shortened Ramble on Why I Love Him

[muffinrag]

i have a weird problem where i have to keep projects secret bc if i talk about them i immediately lose interest

[shittywriterbrain]

apologies to everyone who has to interact with me today or tomorrow because i just CANNOT be normal about hamlet and i WILL be doing this inside my head

[june-again]

ok so u don’t have to post this at all—

but we actually haven’t spoken properly in so long and i literally had no idea that u weren’t with ur ex bf anymore and i’m so sorry because i know how painful a break up is, even if it was the right thing

just know that i love you and i got you— and that it’s okay to miss him

im posting it because unfortunately all i want to do is talk about him and wallow 😁

that's okay, tho, that you didn't know. i barely talked about it until now just because i was so unconcerned??? somehow?? which i guess is part of why it happened in the first place. idk if it was the right thing. seasonal depression just fucks me up and i do things i regret lol. but as far as i know, whether or not him and i are finished forever, right now is not the right time to try anything because we're both ahahhaghaghghh going through life stuff and its just not the right time idk

i love u sm. breakups do indeed suck. u should never date people or fall in love. unless its with me wink wonk