#like if i said oh my god do you know what makes you beautiful by one direction its so good i cannot be normal about it

[jadeee]

Scaling Walls

Kento proposed before leaving for war. He said he'd be away for six months, but it's been a year.

— Author's Note — There's an alternate ending.

4.3k ⁎ depression, anxiety attacks, mentions of war @luneariaa @raevennsge @everything-minni

The Mad Maiden. It was an insult. Salt in the wound. A disgrace. Betrayal, disrepect, dishonor... but.. were they wrong?

You gazed out over the ledge and into the fog of the September sky. The air turned cold, yet it couldn't compare to the chill that seeped into your spine months ago. He wasn't one to make promises, so he desparately fought your attempts to extract an exact date from him. However, he stated that six months was the minimum for his departure. 

You're only a woman. You can't stop war. 

You remember how your throat tensed at the sound of him saying how long he'd be gone. 180 days, which was half a year without being next to him. Hearing his voice or holding his hand. Seeing him smile at your quips. Making you laugh with some ludicrous comment. How the corner of his lip would turn upward when he'd lean in during functions to whisper something the tabloids would have a field day with. It was nearly summer when he'd left. The world completed it's annual rotation around the sun without your lover's return. It was now fall... Your eyes watered. Your heart ached. Stomach churning at the, unfortunately, familiar abscence of his prescence.

"Princess..." the voice of your lady in waiting, Belinda, called from behind you. "Princess, please step back from the ledge."

 You glanced at her over your shoulder, "Don't insult me."

Her chest rose until it seemed her dress would burst. "I was only... I... forgive me."

Your nostrils flared slightly as you faced forward.

"Please... come inside. There's a chill and you've left your coat."

"Have you forgotten you're my help, not my mother?" you bit your tongue as you gazed out at the forest beyond. Your hands gripped the rail. The metal from your ring pressing into your flesh. The diamond still shined despite the beginning of the dull fall weather.

"... Leave."

The woman knelt, then turned to leave as requested. The breeze blew through the sheer fabric of your dress, which started to slip from your shoulders much like the others. Goosebumps pricked your skin but you felt nothing.

April 21st, 1905

"Hello, nice to meet you." your hand shook that of other royals. The room filled with onlookers who waited for this very moment. Your staff had taken special care of mending the wrinkles of your dress that morning. Tucking and pinning your hair this way and that. Adjusting diamonds until they shined ever so brightly, then polishing the ring. You twisted it round your finger as you walked toward the podium. It'd been nine months and he hadn't sent so much as a piece of string. 

The first few months were filled with letters, exchanging of small mementos and keepsakes.

Should we have a spring wedding? It could symbolize our new chapter as a married couple. What about colors? Should we have a traditional royal wedding? Oh God, the thought... Please help me decide... there's still the dress. Oh! Where should we honeymoon? 

All my love, 

An indecisive bride

You rested your hand at your side, then lifted your dress as the official helped you up to the platform. Maybe it was the tiny twists of flowers in the nearby vase that reminded you of his handwriting. The black ink from his last letter seemed to imprint itself in the walls of your mind.

I'm afraid things are not progressing as we would've hoped...yet, I'm eager to return to you, my beautiful wife. Yes, I know we're still engaged but it's true in my heart. You take up a lot of space there. As for the details, I'd much prefer to elope. Wouldn't you? I don't care for the details, as long as we're together. Although, if something isn't to your liking, do tell me so I can take care of it.

To my everything,

Kento

P.S.: I'd like to honeymoon somewhere warm and tropical.

A warm smile resided on your face as you stared at your hands. That was four months ago, during Christmas. Which you'd spent alone for the first time. Tears stung at your eyes, then someone in the crowd cleared their throat. You lifted your eyes to the crowd. As if you suddenly realized you were being watched and waited on. You held your head high, ensuring the crown wouldn't slip.

"Thank you to the King and Queen for my being here. I would be remiss if I didn't —"

Your eyes landed on a man who wore badges you easily recognized, since Nanami had the same ones. You recall making him explain each one to you during one of the late nights you often spent together. It'd been a year. 365 days and then some. The papers were no longer covering the war, yet cameras were pointed at you while you were here to discuss... what? Nationality? Pride? Being faithful to King, God, and country? Your throat tensed, chest rising and falling every few seconds. "I can't began without —" 

You shifted your stance as you looked out at the crowd. Their faces slowly morphing into various shades of skin tones and colors instead of distinguished features. "I— I'm sorry." your breath quickened as you stepped away from the microphone emitting murmurs from the crowd.

"I can't." you faced your guard who stood by your side still as stone. His eyes, however, studied you with soft concern. As he offered you his hand, you pushed it away and ran past him to a corridor. He followed you without hesitation. The murmurs morphed into a low buzz, a steady hum of Did you see that? I think she was going to cry. It's her fiancé. Does anyone know what happened? Shame to be a widow before the wedding. Who'll design the dress?

The often hardened eyes, melted at the sight of you on the floor of the empty hall. The chiffon of your dress pooled at your bare feet, shoes cast aside, crown lying sideways by your legs which were tight against your chest. His salt and pepper brows twitched while he fought to maintain his neutral facial expression, as he was taught when he first began.

You sobbed into your hands, "He's dead isn't he? And no one wants to tell me because they pity me. He's been blown to bits or tossed aside in a ditch!"

Vincent knelt down to your level and spoke your name softly, breaking every single rule. You drew your hands down slightly then looked into his eyes. The silence seeped in, until it nestled itself into your belly. A rock hardening in the pit of your stomach, ready to savor and swallow every single fear you had.

"... no" you uttered and shook your head "no, he..." you tilted your head to the side "please..."

"I don't know if he is, but... I need to get you back to the palace. We need to get you away from you here."

Your carefully painted lips formed a frown. The skin of your chin wrinkling at the very act. Another round of your sobs echoed throughout the hallway and the buzzing seemed to grow closer. "Princess, we have to leave."

People shouted your name from the other side of the door. "Have you heard from the Prince? Is he still off at war?! Did he leave you? Will there still be a wedding?!" 

Your heart sank into the pit where it would be devoured. The doors rattled, beating like the drum of an ancient song.

"Get back! Immediately!" a group of guards shouted amid the commotion. You glanced over at the oak doors. Maybe being trampled on would be better. You wouldn't know since Vincent scooped you up in his arms, then carried you to the exit behind the building away from prying eyes.

The next few months were filled with silence in every single form and shape. Silence from your mouth, save the typical "I'm not hungry" or "I'm not going." Silence in the halls, since you hardly left your room the staff didn't have to work as much. So they stood, waiting for you to come back to life. Yet, you slowly hardened each day into stubborn stone, residing in sadness.

Your staff didn't bother to ask for permission to enter anymore since you stopped speaking except when necessary. They only knocked to make you aware then opened the door timidly to do whatever they had set out. This time, it was a carefully prepared bowl of your favorite fruits. Belinda held it in her hands as she studied how your garment began to slip from your shoulders.

"Princess, the doctor says you need to eat." 

"Unless he's feeding me by force, I won't do it."

Belinda sighed then nodded "Yes, Princess." she set the plate of fruit down at the foot of your bed before leaving.

Once the door shut, your eyes landed on the bowl. The faint sweet scent caused you to make  your way over to the bowl of little delicacies. Your fingers touched at the cold produce then wrapped around them, lifting it to your mouth. Was he eating? Tears filled your eyes and you pushed the bowl away.

June 2nd, 1905

Nanami ran his hand through his hair. He needed a haircut but that was the least of his worries. Maybe you'd like him with longer hair... His fingers rubbed at the nape of his neck. Eyes landing on the stack of letters he kept by his bedside, if you'd even call it that. He'd started to leave the letters out of the envelope for quicker access. Carefully tying the bundle after reading them each night. The favorites were at the top — although, they were all his favorite. He made sure to keep certain things hidden however. Like the locket you gave him with your picture before he departed.

Another little thing he'd done was tie twine around his ring finger, at your behest. In one of your letters, which he keeps at the top of the stack, you mention it being his temporary ring until you two get the real one. Silver. I want silver for us. Gold is overrated. Nanami recalled how you chuckled at his statement, when he confessed his personal preference one morning. 

"Should I have the frames re-done then?"

"Absolutely, the palace walls are hideous." 

He grinned, breaking character, then pulled you closer to him to kiss your forehead.

He could feel it against his lips now. His fingers absentmindedly reached for the locket he wore under his shirt, only to feel the impression over his heart. A sigh left his lungs as he replayed images of you in his mind. Had you picked a dress already? It'd been a year...

The entrance of his tent flung open, "General." the soldier stood at ease awaiting for his approval and recognition.

Nanami nodded, too tired for formalities "Yes?"

"I thought you should see this, sir. We received our batch of newspapers. It's late but... it's important." he handed him a faded newspaper with a headline that read "Mad Maiden" dated April 22nd, 1905. He rose to his feet when he read about you foresaking the podium and sobbing in a hallway.

"That is all."

"Sir..."

He glanced up at the man "That. Is all."

He saluted to his higher up then retreated. A whirlwind of emotions ran through him: concern, fear, disgust at whoever concocted this filth... but namely, longing. How much longer? Recent devlopments made it impossible to write to you. The locket fell from its typical spot as he exhaled.

"Have you come to feed me?" you chuckled at Dr. Percival who stood in your room. He'd been your doctor since you were a child so you weren't accustomed to the usual formalities.

"Yes." he answered plainly.

You glanced at him then scoffed.

"... If you don't eat, I'll need to take other measures and I don't want to do that."

"... you wouldn't."

He looked into your eyes then pressed his lips together. His hand reached for the plate of food Belinda left in your room minutes ago, "Just try."

You took the plate in your hands along with the fork and bite into it. After a few chews, you spoke again "Have dinner with me."

"Okay."

It was the first time in months, you'd come downstairs for dinner. The staff didn't set the table as usual, per your request; so, you sat side by side with Dr. Percival. Your shared chews filled every nook and cranny of the room. 

The doctor noticed how you wiggled in your seat. "Have you seen the leaves change?"

"From the balcony. Yes."

He studied you, "How often do you go to the balcony?"

You cut your eyes at him. He didn't move an inch.

"Why do you still wear it?"

Your fingers danced at the mention of the jewel that'd been residing there for a year.

"If you believe he's dead, why wear it still? He won't come back if he is."

Twelve hours was a new record. The longest you'd went without crying. Sleep didn't count because you didn't do that much. Tears welled in your eyes as you gazed at the diamond.

The doctor set down his fork as he looked at you. Your shoulders started to shake as you sobbed. He rose to his feet then embraced you. Everything you'd felt over the past year bubbled up and spilled over as you sobbed against him. Within seconds, your breath became bated and ragged. Your sobs were short, choked sounds "I c—" you clutched at your chest.

He glanced down at you "Princess?" his ears burned at the sound of you gasping for air. He called you by your name and clutched your shoulders "Look at me! Look at me!" his hands rested on your cheeks as he made you look into his face. Your eyes were filled with tears as you continued to gasp. 

"Belinda! Vincent!" they rushed to your side and followed his orders to calm you down. He held onto your hand as he made you lie on the ground. "I need you to breathe, look at me!"

That night was the first time you didn't sleep alone. The doctor along with Vincent and Belinda stood nearby as you lie in bed. Their frames looked like shadows or watchdogs. Something ancient guarding a secret. Except were they protecting you from the evils of the world? Or was it the other way around?

October 15th, 1905

Your court and staff had worked hard to get you where you were now. Your chambers were still a mess but you were eating three meals a day, sometimes reluctantly, and moving around a bit more. You didn't deem walks around the halls as exercise but Dr. Percival differed. 

"Maybe we can go out to the courtyar—"

"No."

He walked down the carpeted hallway with you "Very well."

Your eyes landed on the silver frames lining the wall. "Can I rest after this?"

"Yes, of course. Will you be going to the—"

You cut your eyes at him.

"Very well, then."

The sun peered through your curtains, despite them being drawn.Your hand slammed against the comforter at Mother Nature's reluctance to let you have your way. Your eyes followed the ray of sunshine, hand drifting up to catch the light and harness it somehow. The diamond twinkled under it and the corner of your lip twitched as you felt the tug on your heartstrings.

Mornings now typically started with the doctor talking you out of bed and doing a few stretches. Yet, this morning you simply said "Leave me... please." he obliged sensing your sadness. The mahogany doors shut with a soft thud, leaving you and the sun illuminating your room. Dust motes floated through and landed onto the pile of dresses stacked in the chair. Papers and notes about the war Nanami had been away fighting... or so you hoped. You stood to your feet then looked out the window.

A knock at the door interrupted your thoughts.

"I said leave me."

"There's someone here to see you." Belinda stated.

"I'm not taking visitors. You know—" you turned at the sound of the door opening. Suddenly, time had stopped. You stopped. Breathing, blinking, thinking... being. After a moment of silence, you shook your head.

"No... hm-hmph" tears quickly found their way to your eyes. "No." you shook your finger and stepped back until you hit your dresser. "How..." your breath hitched but your eyes never left him. His hair was longer... why didn't he cut it? The medals on his uniform were polished. Anyone on the street would see him as pristine but when you looked into his eyes. You felt the ache, the yearning, the tears he cried while he was away.

"I.. you.." you breath quickened as you tried not to cry.

"I know," he reached out to you and you found yourself recoiling. Nanami shrunk back, his hands idly resting by his side unsure of what to do. Hurt filled his hazel eyes as he gazed at you, tilting his head and furrowing his brows.

"Don't touch me."

He'd fought in combat, shot and been shot at but nothing could have prepared him for this.

"Guards!"

"Darling, I—"

"You're not real. You're a figment of my imagination because," you wiped the snot that was dripping from your nose "because I- I want you to be real and here, but—"

"I am. I'm right here!" he started to resist the guards that boxed him in.

"I saw you die! I dreamt about it every night!" you shouted in a broken voice then started to cry. Belinda caught onto the sound and rushed for the doctor.

Within moments, you fell to the floor, clutching at your chest. "Wh-what's happening?" Nanami attempted to run to your side but your guards pulled him back. He shoved then stepped forward only to be pulled back again. Luckily, Vincent, Dr. Percival and Belinda came running in. Vincent instructed the guards to ease up then Nanami stepped forward as you started to gasp for air.

"No, no, no," you shook your head as you proceeded to sob and heave. The guards moved forward to collect Nanami once again. Vincent watched while Belinda uttered a prayer. Dr. Percival shouted "Stop!" Nanami glanced back at him then watched as he approached you. Dr. Percival knelt down "He's real. I promise you," he leaned in until you could see his face "He. is. real."

Nanami watched you with a steady eye. Never moving or saying anything, just standing in wait for your permission. The locket thumped against his heart.

"Please... let him in. Hm?" 

Your sobs died down to quick breaths as your eyes focused on the carpet beneath your hands. Then there was the ring, staring back at you through your tears. You started up again and Nanami moved closer then knelt down and wrapped his arms around you. Your face pressed against his shoulders, chest against his, muscles tensing at the sudden movement. His scent invading your nostrils until he was all you could breathe in. Your breath hitched in your throat and tears filled your vision again. The room was silent in that moment. All of the staff filling the space of the room as they watched the long awaited reunion. Nanami oblivious to whomever was watching, softly uttering "I'm here now. I'm sorry I took so long." as he caressed your back.

You held your breath, only sufficing small inhales until you felt like you would burst. Your arms hovered over his back, wavering, shaking. The familiar scent of wood and citrus wrapping itself around you like the very hug he was giving you now made the silence impossible. You embraced him tightly with all the force you could muster. He chuckled through the tears he was shedding against your nightgown.

Vincent looked at the guards then nodded, signaling for them to leave. He trailed behind the doctor and Belinda, leaving you two alone. The room was a medley of shared sobs. When he pulled back, he smiled through his tears at the sight of his beautiful bride. Even with tears running down your cheeks and a runny nose, you were still beautiful. His hands rested on your cheeks and you instinctively put your hands over his. The corner of your lips twisted as you did so.

"What is it?" his thumb brushed the tears from your cheek.

"You... you're wearing it." you touched the twine around his finger.

"Of course I'm wearing it. You're my wife."

Tears filled your eyes once more and you sobbed, wrapping your hands around him. Kento held you close. He'd never been more grateful for such a moment as this. His lips placed a kiss at the top of your head.

"You're my wife," he repeated softly.

— Alternate Ending —

Later that afternoon, Nanami walked with you along the garden. He wanted to say so much but he didn't know where to start. His hands remained at his side as he put one foot in front of the other.

"I asked the kitchen to make your favorite tonight."

"Really?"

He nodded "I also asked that they make dessert. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is." you chuckled at his humbleness.

"I apologize for making you worry. There was an incident and ... we couldn't communicate with anyone. It became too dangerous." he took your hand in his. You held it for a moment "You're here now." you pulled your hand back and offered him a small smile.

He leaned back slightly then followed your sight of line to the sunset. His lips opened then shut and he joined you in the silence instead.

The staff relished at the joy you seemed to radiate during dinner. Your laughter and voice was music to their ears. Joy was one of their favorite songs to hear in the halls and they truly owed it to his return. He was happy to see you in such high spirits, however they were dashed when it was time for bed. You shifted for a few moments as he lie next to you.

"It's... it's been a while."

His heart went dull at the reminder "... I know. Should I remain on my side?"

Your silence put him at further unease "I'll stay here. Don't worry."

You rested your head against the pillows.

"Darling?"

"Yes?" you glanced at him.

"Can we hold hands? Only for a moment."

Silence, then a nod. Nanami felt his heart race at the pure prospect of hand holding. He'd felt giddy. He was delighted. His hand slid into yours and he looked up at the ceiling. He brought it to his chest then you pulled back.

"I'm sorry...."

Hurt filled his eyes once again. "It's quite alright. I can sleep in the guest room."

"What?! No. You've just returned from battle. Stay. I'll go to the guest room." you kicked the covers off and he scoffed.

"Don't be ridiculous, the Princess should stay in her chambers. I'll leave." Nanami got out of bed then headed for the door.

"No."

He glanced back at you then shifted his stance to face you fully. "What do you suppose we do then? Since you won't even touch me. It seems you can't stand me now."

"I never said that!"

"You don't have to."

You leaned back at the verbal slap. "Nanami..."

"Just tell me what you want and I'll do it." he approached you "I swear, I'll do everything in my power to make it happen."

Your eyes started to fill with tears again as you gazed into his "I wish you never left."

He pressed his lips together slightly, still gazing into your eyes "I can't change what happened."

"... I know."

You broke your gaze for a second to wipe your face "They called me mad," you let out a half-hearted chuckle "The Mad Maiden."

"Don't say that. Whoever wrote that is a dimwit with nothing better to do."

".... so you've read about it?"

"... yes."

Silence until "I canceled my appointment with the wedding dress designer. We had a meeting scheduled a few months after you were supposed to return in the fall of 1904. When you stopped writing, I..." tears welled in your eyes and you shook your head then shrugged.

He reached out to you then drew back, remembering how you could barely hold his hand.

"... do you still love me?"

You turned to face him.

"Do you?"

"How dare you ask me that?" you shook your head and he stared right into your soul "I shed myself for months, withering away until I barely recognized myself. I waited nearly two years for you to return. I convinced myself that there would be no wedding, There'd be no honeymoon or kids skipping down the halls because you were gone. I dreamt about burying an empty box and I still kept this ring on my hand because I couldn't bear the thought of aching so terribly for anyone else." tears fell from your eyes "I ached... every single day."

His eye never left yours and they filled to the brim with tears at your words.

"Don't you ever ask me that again."

He continued to stare into your eyes then leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours. A surprised squeal left your lips, before those moans he missed took over. His hands found their way to your back and your head which he cradled. With each second you melted into him and against him, he moved closer.

"Can I—"

"Yes." you pulled him down toward you and he briefly smiled against your skin. His hands intertwined with yours but the feeling of twine gave you pause.

"What? What is it?"

"You... you're wearing it." you touched the twine around his finger.

"Of course I'm wearing it. You're my wife."

— Author's Note — I really enjoyed writing this one. Originally, I had a scene where the doctor actually resorts to opium to calm down the princess but that felt too hardcore.

[lookingfts]

Where does Say My Name Kate keep the photos Anthony took of her? Does she ever look at them? Does Anthony?

*sexy snippet below*

Kate knew it was reckless to keep the photos in her purse, exactly where Anthony had left them. There was just something right about it, keeping them so close to her. The final token that had convinced Kate to make the best decision of her life, and give Anthony Bridgerton a real chance at loving her.

There was also something a little naughty and thrilling about it, besides. Kate was hardly a prude, but she still blushed when she caught a glimpse of herself posed so intimately. Her legs spread, her cunt exposed, Anthony’s release filling her. It was too easy to get wet all over again at the memories. Too easy to get sentimental as Kate mused on how far they had come since then. That girl had been so scared, fighting his every attempt to show her that he genuinely cared about her.

And now she knew the truth. Anthony loved her harder than she could have ever dared to imagine, and she was safe to love him just as much.

So the Polaroids stayed. Until the day that Eddie needed to borrow a phone charger and Kate, distracted by her sauce on the stove, had offhandedly said, “Check my purse.”

There was the sound of zipping, and Kate realized her mistake a second before it rang across the house. “Oh my fucking god!”

Kate turned down the heat and raced into the other room, snatching the photos from Edwina’s hand. But the damage was done, judging by the shell-shocked look on her sister’s face.

“That’s not what it looks like,” she insisted, her cheeks flaming bright red.

“That’s not…” Eddie said faintly, then snorted. “Didi, I literally don’t think that could be anything except what it looks like.”

Shoving the photos back into her purse, Kate pulled out the charger and pushed it into Edwina’s hand. She supposed it was a good sign that her sister’s surprise had faded and now she looked endlessly amused rather than angry.

“You little slut,” she said, but her voice was teasing. “You let my ex-boyfriend take nasty photos of you, didn’t you?”

Kate rolled her eyes. Eddie loved to call Anthony her ex, and while technically correct, Kate knew she meant it more as a joke than anything else. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s not that complicated.”

She supposed there was no need to tell Edwina the whole sordid tale of how Anthony had taken pictures of her after she had just made him come for the first time, on her knees and trying to get even after her own intense orgasm. Of how he’d given them to her as a gift, a promise that he wouldn’t take advantage of her vulnerability.

Might as well let her think they were more recent, a fun little experiment in a solid relationship.

“You look great,” Eddie said, waving her hand toward the photos. “Have you ever considered porn?”

“Edwina!”

-----

So, maybe her purse wasn’t the best spot. Kate took them out when she got home, bringing them upstairs with her. It was late, and Anthony was already in bed, shirtless and reading a book. Truly beautiful sight to come home to, each and every time.

She flopped onto the bed, and Anthony quirked an eyebrow when he saw the photos in her hand. “I haven’t seen those in a while.”

“Edwina found them in my bag,” Kate said, wincing. “She was fine, but it was…awkward, to say the least.”

Anthony pressed his lips together, suppressing a laugh. “But she was okay?”

“Yeah. She said I should do porn.”

“You do look incredible naked,” he said with a straight face. “But I must admit, I like being the only one to see you that way.”

“I know,” Kate sighed, snuggling in closer so she could rest her head on his shoulder. Anthony put his book aside, wrapping his arm around her waist. “I must have known when I let you take these. I believed you when you said you wouldn’t show anyone else.”

She felt his deep breath against her body, his grip tightening around her. “I know you didn’t have much reason to trust me back then, but I would never do that to you, Kate.”

“I’m well aware,” she assured him, twisting to press a kiss to his collarbone. “It was a little scary, but it also turned me on. I realized I liked the idea of you laying in bed, touching yourself to my photos. Wanting me even after our one night was over.”

Anthony tensed slightly, his breathing going a little shallower. “That was…inevitable.”

“I know that now too.” Kate flipped to the next Polaroid, a close-up of her cunt with his seed leaking out. Right after that ridiculous phone call with Tom and before Anthony had cleaned her up with his tongue. “If you didn’t take them for yourself, why did you take them?” she asked quietly.

“They were for me. At first. If that night was all I had with you, I wanted to remember it. And when you let me take them, I realized…there was a part of you that trusted me. Maybe it was buried deep down, but it was there. And I wanted to show you that I could deserve that trust. I wanted you to know that you owned me, not the other way around.”

Her heart clenched in her chest. Maybe the way Anthony showed love didn’t make sense to everyone, but it was perfect for her. He was perfect for her.

“Hey, baby?” she asked. Anthony hummed. “Do you know where your camera is?”

“It’s in my office. Why?”

“I think we should take some more photos.”

[winwintea]

the last dance - huang renjun

PAIRING ▸ painter!huang renjun x fem!reader 

GENRES ▸ romance, fluff, angst, lots of angst, supernatural, wayyy too much angst

WARNINGS ▸ angst. and character death

SUMMARY ▸ [part of the last love series!] you've fallen in love with the gentle painter, renjun. though the locals call you a witch, renjun doesn't seem to care. but that all changes when they come to kill you. no matter how much pain it causes, you'll never regret falling in love with him.

WORD COUNT ▸3.7k (not proofread 😭)

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ suffer

PROLOGUE | MASTERLIST

Something feels quite warm… it was an unusually comforting warmth, and it lay right beside you. You opened your eyes- “Renjun?” The source of the warmth was the human Renjun, who was lying next to you in bed. Strange. What is he doing asleep in your room? And yet, all your questions and concerns disappeared when you looked at his sleeping face. He was as beautiful as an angel. Renjun had more than an angel’s good looks. He had the heart of one too. 

You recalled your first real conversation, just a few days after he’d arrived here. There had been an accident in the stables with one of our horses. Renjun was going to be trampled. You’d pushed him out of the way. He carried your bruised and broken body inside, apologizing all the while… “Oh, god…! Oh, miss, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for you to get hurt! I should have gotten out of the way…!” 

You felt so bad seeing Renjun blame himself, that before you knew it you were saying, “It’s all right. You mustn’t fear for me. I’m what they call… a witch.”

“A witch?” “See for yourself. My wounds…they’re gone.” You gestured towards your arms, displaying them for him to see.

“So, you can… cast magic?”

“...Not exactly. Humans are quick to label all they deem as frightening witches, but my true title is an eterni.”

“‘Frightening?’” “Yes. Those who know of us and this place fear it and refuse to talk about it. It’s all quite silly, when you pause to think!” I tried to laugh it off in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Renjun looked serious.

“You don’t have to smile if it makes you sad. You don’t have to lock away your emotions. That forced smile doesn’t look right on you. And they shouldn’t call you such awful names. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a person, just like me. And a nice one, too.” “But I’m not like you, I’m a-” “Your wounds may heal fast, but did they hurt when you got them?” 

His point resonated with me. You’d never had a human care so much. The ice that had formed around your heart after so much pain and betrayal began to melt with his words. Could you… trust him? “See, Y/n? There’s nothing separating you and me. Nothing that I care about.” After that, you and Renjun began to spend more time together. To the exclusion of the other men Ricky had brought. That didn’t mean you expected to see him in your bed! Just then, Renjun stirred… “..mmhm..Good…morning… huh? Y/n? What are you doing in my bed?” “I’m afraid you’re in my bed, Renjun.” “...I am…?” Renjun sat up and looked around in shock. “... I woke up thirsty in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen for some water. I guess I ended up in your room. Sorry, I still don’t know this place well!” He was even charming when he was guilty. Renjun truly seemed descended from the angels. “Do not apologize. You were warm, so I was rather happy to have you in bed with me.” “Um.. you were?” “I mean, it’s not the fact that you were in bed with me that made me happy! It was-” Actually, there’s nothing incorrect about what you said. It DID make you happy. You couldn’t seem to explain it right. 

Renjun leaned forward in bed, looking at you. “Are you saying I’m like a dog?” “A dog?” “Yeah. Like you felt happy because it was just like sleeping with a big, warm dog?” 

Of course it wasn’t the same. Because Renjun, I’ve fallen in love with you…

You’d fallen in love with the man who smiled at you and told you, you were the same. He had let you feel what you’d never felt before. But you’d decided not to tell this to Renjun. For you were soon to leave this world… “There’s nothing to fear. I don’t think of you as a dog. Although, you are a bit like a puppy.” “Wait, so now I’m a smaller dog…?” “I simply mean that you’re cute. Now, you will want breakfast, of course. And after that, you’re going to paint, aren’t you?” He smiled and nodded. Truly, you couldn’t bear to darken such a bright smile with your grim fate.

—

Changing into his artist’s apron, Renjun set up his easel in the garden. He got to work quickly and quietly, the mark of a professional. Renjun’s profession was painter. He specialized in portraits.

“Now that the underlying sketch is complete, you’re going to add in the color-?” “That’s right. This is actually my favorite part of the job. Though it’s the most challenging.” In one hand, he held his palette, thick dollops of paint creating a cascade of colors. 

While pretending to read, you surreptitiously watched Renjun at work. You had once asked him why he chose portraiture of all subjects. Renjun told you that he wanted to capture the emotions of his subjects in the moment. How they lived, not just the way they looked. You could see yourself spending an eternity with someone as wonderful as him. But that was wrong for him. His life and his work was so passionately mortal. Renjun captured what was everlasting. You could not take away what he was. “...Yep, it’s time for a break.” “Renjun, may I ask you something?” He shook his head and nodded, “I was hoping you could promise me something. Once the full moon comes, the gate will open and you’ll be free to leave the mansion.” Renjun nodded again, curiosity in his dark almond eyes. “When that happens, I want you to paint as many portraits as possible. To capture as many smiles on your canvas as you can.”

His voice was soft when he spoke again, “All right. I promise. But first, can you tell me something in exchange?” Those beautiful eyes of his suddenly became clouded, “Why did your butler bring us here in the first place? What did you need?” It was the question you’d most feared. “I’ve just been thinking. You haven’t tried to attack anyone, so… why?”

He was right in that he was brought here for a purpose. Renjun and the others had been brought here for you to turn into lesser eterni to continue the line… and save your life. But you had rebelled against that notion and chosen to fade away instead of sharing a fate you found worse than death… “There was no reason, not really! You see, it has been Ricky and me alone for so long now. It seems Ricky got the silly notion that I might want more company. That I would feel lonely now for the first time in centuries! It’s unfathomable, don’t you think?” “Well, I can’t say, since I haven’t lived even a fraction of your lifetime, but I don’t think loneliness is something you get used to. I think you can feel it at any time. And that you can’t easily ignore it.” Renjun spoke to your soul. His paintings could reveal someone’s true self; his words had the same power. “Hey, Y/n? After the gate opens and we’re let out, is it possible to come back? Could I come back and see you?” He wanted to come back here? Your heart ached with a desire to say yes… but you will be gone as soon as he leaves. “That would be a terrible idea. What if you got trapped here for another month? You should spend that time painting!” “I’ll find the time. I’ll make it work.”

“You really can’t. You mustn’t.” Renjun wasn’t satisfied but he didn’t argue, “Hmm. If I can’t… then tell me what I can do to help you now, before I leave.” How could he be so kind? If you could request one thing of Renjun… “Would you dance with me before the full moon has taken it’s place in the sky?” “You want me to dance with you?” “Yes. I used to love dancing, but I’ve lost anyone to dance with a long, long time ago. How does that sound?” “Of course I’ll dance with you. I might need some time to practice if I’m going to be any good at it. Can you wait a little?” You nodded, feigning a smile.

I’m sorry, Renjun. It’s true that I love dancing and dreamed of sharing a dance with the one I love.

Pureblood eterni stop aging past a certain point, which is why we can never stay in one place else we can be caught. And so you’d never sought out love, with a human or eterni. You could not risk them suffering the horrendous fate of your family. Please allow me this selfish wish. A last memory of you that I can carry with me until the end…

—

Ricky tended to the front gardens, though his heart was not in it. “Hmm? That is most curious.” There appeared to be a stake planted just outside the gate. Attached to it was a sign. “...This…is not good!” Ricky’s cries were unfortunately heard by Renjun who had happened to be nearby, “Hey, Ricky. What’s that sig-” Renjun stopped and read it for himself. The sign read: “The occupants of this cursed residence have been found guilty of witchcraft and will be punished with death.” “‘Witchcraft’? They must mean Y/n.” “How did you know madame has-?” “Early on, she told me she’d been called a witch before.” “My lady has done nothing wrong-! Some years ago, I..I had encouraged her to visit the city. But there was an accident. She saved people with no thought to her own safety, but when they saw her wounds heal rapidly, they called her a witch.” “She’s always sacrificing herself to help others.” Renjun’s gaze fell, his voice soft. “Ricky, have you gotten these kinds of notices before? Any threatening letters?” “No. Not since we hid ourselves away. This is all my fault. Because I trapped the five of you here, they’ve come to kill us..” Ricky, normally calm and collected, was shaken to his core; steel eyes now pale with fright. “The gates will open on the full moon. If they storm the mansion, there is nothing we can do. Oh, Madame, what have I done?” “Ricky, it’s going to be all right. If they do come, I’ll talk to them. Once they know we’re all right they’ll understand. I won’t let them kill Y/n or you. Listen, you had some reason for bringing us here, right? Some reason important enough to risk being discovered?” Ricky was startled out of his thoughts, though any words died on his tongue, “If you don’t want to say what it is, that’s okay. Let me say something instead… I’ll help you protect Y/n. No matter what. So don’t worry. I’ll be all right.” Ricky said nothing as Renjun continued on, “First let’s make sure the others don’t find out about this, especially Y/n, okay?” Renjun moved some vines to disguise the view of the sign from their side of the gate, “It hurt her enough to be called a witch. I don’t want her to have to know about this.” “Why do you care so much for madame?” “I guess I only have one answer to that… I love her. So of course I want to protect her.” Renjun spoke, his voice strong and true. “Sir Renjun, I must-” “What is it Ricky?” “If you are indeed… in love with the Madame, then I feel as if I must tell you something. Though my lady forbid me to speak of it, on the night of the full moon she will…” —

The final days passed frighteningly fast. At last, the full moon began to reveal it’s pale form beyond the horizon. You can feel it. Somehow, you know when the moon reaches it’s final point, your end will come. You changed into a dress suitable for dancing and waited for Renjun’s arrival. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Y/n.” “Renjun!” He met you on the balcony, stunning in his suit and his angelic smile. “You look especially beautiful tonight. Of course, you always look pretty.” “You think so?” “Yeah. I mean, I think you already know I’m no good at lying.” “I had some idea. Thank you, Renjun.” Renjun turned his hand up and held it out, “Will you give me this dance, my lady?”

You’d danced with stylishly dressed partners. Renjun, wearing the jacket he arrived in and a touch of moonlight, outshone them all. “...It would be my pleasure.” I lay my hand in his and we took our first steps together. There was no orchestra playing for us. There were no chandeliers, just the moon above. But you would rather be dancing here, than in the grandest dance hall. You had not expected your last night to end in such a pleasant way. With this as your final memory, you could happily turn to ash. Or so you told yourself. “Renjun, the gate will be opening any moment. It may already be open, in fact.” Renjun said nothing. Perhaps he was looking for the words to say goodbye? “Do not worry. There’s nothing you need to say. Though before you go, I wish to thank-” “Don’t say thank you like you’re saying goodbye.” His voice was still ringing in your ears when you realized Renjun was now holding you tight. “Renjun? Wh-what is it?” “I promise I won’t let you die.” “...W-what do you…?” “Ricky told me that if you don’t let a human drink your blood by tonight, you’ll turn to ash.” The peaceful lie you had created shattered. So it had come to this. “But then they become an eterni. And you’d rather disappear yourself, than do that to someone. Right?” There was nothing to say. He was right. “I don’t want you to disappear, Y/n. Won’t you let me drink your blood instead?” The arms that held me and the voice that pled with me were all shaking. “Renjun, I cannot do that.” “Why not?” He broke from me, his gaze pained. “Look at me, Y/n.”

Suddenly there were shouts from below. Angry shouts. They were getting louder. You leaned over the balcony to look out into the garden; you were shocked by what you saw. A crowd of humans were spilling through the open gates and into the mansion grounds. “...They’re here.” “Who are they? What is going on?” “It’s nothing. I’ll be right back. Please, promise me you’ll stay here.” He smiled as if to calm me, but Renjun raced down the stairs with frightening urgency. It obviously wasn’t nothing! You looked back at the townspeople outside your home. Torches and weapons–both real and improvised–held high. That mob. You had seen their kind before. You could not let Renjun go out there alone. No sooner had you exited into the foyer, you saw them coming in through the front door. They had taken Ricky. “Release the men you’ve taken prisoner and bring out the witch!” “I’ve been trying to tell you, we’ve already released them! As for the madame, I am afraid I cannot let you in to see her!” “He lies! I’m sure they’ve already killed them! MONSTERS! You and your devil’s mistress will pay with your lives!” Their cries for vengeance rose louder until they were furious and uncontrollable. They grabbed Ricky, restrained and shoved him, attempting to push him through the crowd at the door and outside. Five men go missing from the village. Of course they would come searching. And now, they’re here to kill us. I needed to do something, but fear–memories of my family’s brutal slaughter–froze me to the spot. Until I heard a voice. “She’s not a witch!” “Is that… Renjun? It’s you! You’re alive?!” “Yes, I’m alive! And she didn’t kill the others either! That’s why I won’t let you kill her!” You wanted to call out to him. They wouldn’t listen. “She’s bewitched you! Renjun, wake up! Remember who you are! You’re human!” Another added, “W-what if it’s too late? Where’s the witch? She may be speaking through him!” “No! Listen to me. I haven’t been bewitched and I’m not being controlled! Everyone, please. Let them both go. Put down your weapons so we can all talk.” “Renjun. All right. We can talk… just prove to us it’s still you. First, show us where the witch is-” Renjun was growing more and more annoyed at his peers, “Are you listening to me? She’s not a witch! I won’t let you see her until you understand.” “D-do you hear that? He’s protecting her! He’s become her familiar! It’s too late for him. Kill him! Then we kill the witch!” Two men grabbed him, one on each side. Another readied his weapon. You ran towards them. “Renjun!” Faster than a human could, you reached him; you threw your arms around him; you felt the blade that was meant for him piece you through. Over the fire and pain in my body, I heard a kind voice say, “Your wounds may heal fast, but did they hurt when you got them?” “Y/n…?” You opened your eyes and there was Renjun. Then he stared, stunned at his hand, red with crimson blood. “Your hand… you’re not hurt… are you?” “No. Y-you’re hurt… you’re b-bleeding… Why? I told you to stay there!” “I couldn’t… let you face them… alone…” Renjun looked in horror as the blood kept spreading. Your wounds were not healing this time. Your body had already reached its limits. Renjun turned his attention to the townsfolk as he shouted angrily, “Do you see now? Do you see what you’ve done? LOOK AT HER! She’s not a witch! Would a witch sacrifice herself to protect a human? W-would a witch-...?! …Get out. All of you, get out! Go! And never hurt this poor woman again!” What magic Renjun had used, I did not know. But his tears… an angel’s tears, had doused their murderous rage. Distantly, so distantly now, I heard the crowd disperse. When I opened my eyes, only Renjun and Ricky remained. “M-my lady, I will fetch some water! Give me… Just a moment and soon you will be-...” “No, Ricky… It is already time. Besides, I wish for you to stay.”

“Madame… this is all my fault.” Renjun on the other hand was equally as distressed as Ricky was, maybe even a little bit more, “Why? Why couldn’t I protect you? After I swore to keep you safe, I couldn’t!” “My dearest Renjun… You have protected me from more than you can possibly know…” He looked ready to cry. And so I took his hand and guided it to my heart. “You saved my heart from my fear…” “Your heart?”

“Do you remember…telling me nothing separated us…? And when you defended me just now.” I heard the quiet approach of death like the fall of sand from an hourglass. “It was thanks to you. I was able to save the ones important to me…I couldn’t die happier.” “Y/n…”

Thank you, Renjun, for descending from heaven to give me peace before the end. 

You could not see him anymore. But you could feel his hand. You squeezed it. “R-Renjun…?” “What is it Y/n?” You felt him lean in close.

“I was happy for the time we spent together… I loved watching you paint. P-please, will you paint more…? Will you show… everyone… your beautiful art..?” “Don’t go… Don’t go, Y/n…!” “I love you.” Those words softly escaped your lips as quick as your breath left.

“Y/n? Y/n, open your eyes. Open your eyes and look at me once more…” Moonlight seemed to emanate from your still features, until your body broke apart and dispersed into drifting ash. Only the memory of your smile was left now. Not the smile of a witch or human, but of an angel… — Though it felt as if life itself might stop for those who lost Y/n, time continued on. A few months after that night, Ricky carried a bouquet of sunflowers to lay on the grave memorializing Y/n. It was Renjun who had arranged for her ashes to be buried here. And today… “Sir Renjun, is that you?” “Hey Ricky. I had a strange feeling I might run into you here today.” “But of course. This is where my lady rests. And I swore to serve her faithfully until death. But what brings you here…?” “I’ve been painting another portrait. It’s just about finished. Would you like to see it?” Renjun set the portrait upon the easel. Ricky covered his mouth with his hands. But his eyes-he could not look away. For etched on the canvas was Y/n, smiling at him with her gentle smile. Renjun closed his eyes and recalled the words he’d shared with Y/n, not so long ago… “Renjun, may I ask you something? I was hoping you could promise me something. Once the full moon comes, the gate will open and you’ll be free to leave the mansion.” He realized then that she might have always known this was how it would end. “When that happens, I want you to paint as many portraits as possible. To capture as many smiles on your canvas as you can.”

Renjun turned to look at Ricky again, “I promised Y/n I’d paint portraits and make lots of people happy. And I will. But before I got started on that, well, there was one portrait I had to paint first. It’s the portrait of the person I wanted to bring a smile to the most.” “I believe madame must surely be watching you and smiling right now. Just like she is in your painting…” Renjun looked at her image and smiled back, tears in his eyes. The last thing to do was give it a title. “A promise to your smile.”

[onskepa]

Left behind: You promise?

Hellooooooooooo everyone! Now the story will really starts kicking! Hope you guys enjoy this one!

Left behind series

------------------------

Third pov

It was like looking at his own dead body. There he was. His twin brother, his other half, dead right before him. Jake found it a bit cruel, his brother studied hard to be in a position to go to another planet, to be with the big science guys. Only to be killed by a simple, pointless crime. 

He didn't want his little girl to see her dead uncle. It would break her heart. It was only a few days ago they all had a cup of coffee and luxury sweets called cookies, did Tommy break the news. That he would be leaving Earth for the ideal planet called pandora. To make connections with life over there. 

It was a bittersweet goodbye since the travel to pandora is 5 years. 

It was best to not tell his little girl that her super smart uncle is dead. Best that she believes he left to space.

Third pov

“I'm sorry, WHAT?” 

“The RDA wants you to take your brother's place and continue what he couldn't even start”

Jake was at a loss. He needed to mourn for his loss but the officials couldnt even give him 5 fucking minutes. 

“The RDA wants me, a crippled ex-marine, to join them? What use would I be to them?” Jake asks, feeling a bit pissed off by the second. 

“More than you know. You see Mr. Sully, your brother was going to join the Avatar program, it is a section of the RDA where scientists use a body that looks like the pandorian natives. Those bodies costs billions of dollars to make. And not being used is a huge waste” one of the officials said, almost in a robotic way. 

“So?” Jake shrugs. 

“You have a 100% accurate DNA of your brothers avatar, they want you to join in the program and do the mission that was given to tommy” 

Jake scoffs. Slamming his fists against the table. 

“You want me to leave this place, leave my kid behind. Mind you, just to get to that planet takes 5 years! 5 years of me being gone away from my kid! The hell is wrong with you?!” he shouted. Jake was ready to leave them and just get back to his home, back to his daughter. 

The two officials looked at each other, having a silent conversation in their eyes. 

“Mr. Sully, I don't think you are in a position to reject this” 

“Oh, why the fuck not?” Jake tilts his head, almost ready to laugh out of his insanity. 

“We know you are financially unstable. Barely scraping by, making a clown of yourself in low cheap bars. Can't even give a good education for your kid. Jake, you are at the bottom of the trash, and even with your useless legs, you can't crawl up. But hear this. If you join the RDA, your daughter will be given the best education we can give her. All employees who work for the RDA, if they have kids, are given the utmost care. School, shelter, a chance in life” 

It was like a spell. 

The more those bastards talk, the more tempting it sounds to jake. 

His kid getting everything he can't provide? School? A warm bed? 

“But…..it's 5 years……10 years to and from…thats….that's too much I would be missing so many years of my kid…” Jake says rather weakly. 

“Oh jake….many parents make the biggest sacrifice to give their kid a better tomorrow. If you truly care for your kid, you leave her behind”  

Jake’s pov

“You are leaving…?” Her voice was weak. 

God damn it this is going to be a lot harder than I thought. 

I accepted the Devil’s offer. I will take my brother's place in exchange for my daughter having a better future. Sad to think it might not have me involved. But there is still time, she is still a baby. By the time I returned she might be a moody teen but still a kid. 

“You are not staying with me daddy?” my little angel asks. Her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes reflecting mine. 

“It won't be forever, baby, just for a little while. Uncle tommy needs my help” 

It took everything for my voice to not shake, my girl is a smart kid, she will sense my heart breaking. 

She crawled on my lap, her little face eager. “I wanna go with you!” she whines. Shaking my head I had to explain to her. 

“I'm sorry baby, but where I am going, kids are not allowed. Too dangerous. Its safe you stay here”. 

“With Miss Morve?” she questions. God I wish. 

“No, Misses Morve is too weak, you will be going to a school that will take good care of you. Doesnt that sound nice? You get to go to school like you always wanted. Make friends and eat all the yummy foods we see on the holograms. Doesn't that sound great?” I do my best to make it sound good. 

But stubbornly, she shakes her head. 

“It's not great! You won't be here! I wanna stay with you! You said it daddy! Sullys stick together!” 

My little girl started to cry her little heart out, and I followed. Hugging her really tight, we cried for a bit. 

“Don't leave me daddy!” she wails out. 

“I won't baby, I will always be with you. It will just be for a little while. It may feel like forever, but I will come back. I promise love” I tried to reassure her. 

Feeling her pull back a bit, I can see her eyes puffy red, tears still flowing out. God, seeing her cry makes my heart ache. My little angel does hold my heart in her hands. 

“You promise?” she asks, holding out her pinky finger. 

I intertwined my pinky finger. 

“I promise. No matter what baby girl, I will come back. Sullys stick together” 

Third pov 

Handing the handlers his child’s only luggage, Jake gives his daughter one last hug. But this hug will be the last for who knows how long. 

Jake’s little girl was crying her soul, not read to really let go at all. Wanting to be with her dad forever and ever. 

“Don't leave me please!!” she begs. This was really hard for Jake. Hard for both of them. And it took jake everything in him to not change his mind. To say no to the RDA, to take back his child and go back home. But this was for her. This was for the little sully girl. To give her everything she could ever want, it required the biggest sacrifice. And that was letting go. 

“I'm not leaving you. I will come back, I promise with my life babygirl” jake says. Giving her so many kisses. 

Sniffling away her tears, his little princess leaps up to give Jake a kiss on the cheek. 

“Be good, ok? Make friends, study hard, and before you know I am back for you” 

But little Sully was still scared. 

“You won't forget about me?” she asks, wanting to make sure her dad won't forget. 

“I could never forget you. My angel, my sunshine in the rain, my little princess "Jake praises. 

Wiping away her tears, his little girl takes a deep breathe. “You promised daddy. Sullys stick together…” she says, her voice shaking. 

“Sullys stick together, forever” 

Third pov 

“And there they go! Off to the beautiful planet Pandora '' the teacher says as she shows to her class the live recording of the RDA employees in the transportation ship leaving the Earth's atmosphere. 

Among the astonished woas of the little ones, little sully was watching the ship with her careful eyes. A small tear leaving her eye. There goes her daddy. But he will come back. He promised. So, if she is a good girl and does everything, her daddy will come back for her. 

He promised. 

Right?

I am so pleased with how it turned out! Tell me what you think! Until next time! See ya!

Like the story? Put your name on the taglist for the next update!

------------

Taglist:

@boobitchhehe @heart-an0n @justcaptiannoodles @mochacoffeeumai26 @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @skittlebum @teyamsbitch @ratchetprime211 @iwannabeapinkaesthetic

[kpop---scenarios]

Day Six: Seungmin

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

Warning: Smuuuuut, and smut [18+ ONLY MINORS DO NOT READ]

Word Count: 1.1k

Day One: Felix | Day Two: Jeongin | Day Three: Changbin | Day Four: Jisung | Day Five: Lee Know

“Are you sure about this?” You laugh as Seungmin drags you into one of the karaoke places. You'd seen plenty of them in dramas but had never actually been to one yourself. Especially not with such an amazing vocalist like him.

“Yes! It'll be so fun.” He grins, paying the man and quickly ushering you into the room, looking down the hall both ways to make sure the two of you hadn't been followed into the room. That was one thing about being friends with an idol, it was extremely hard to do fun, public things with them. They rarely are able to go out undetected. Luckily for you and Seungmin, your shady years of friendship helped you both become extra stealthy. That and you knew Seungmin didn't want to be in a relationship scandal, even if it was with you. You wouldn't mind, considering you'd been in love with him for the last 3 years.

“Let's get some drinks.” You suggest picking up the phone to order quite a few bottles of soju for the two of you. If you were going to sing in front of him, you needed all the liquid courage you could find.

As the hours went on, the songs that started as fun ones with a pop beat turned into love songs, which turned into rap songs, that turned into overly sexual songs. Which is how the two of you ended up, 6 bottles of soju deep and Seungmin singing while also dancing to Hit Me Up by Timethai.

You stared at him with your mouth wide open as he humped the floor, while singing, while also maintaining eye contact. You rub your legs together to soothe the ache in your pussy while you watch him, unaware that you were actually doing it. He cocks an eyebrow at you as he finishes the song, still on his knees. He makes his way towards you, opening your legs and moving himself between them.

“Was it not good?” He asks, licking his lips.

“It.. it was very..good.” You gulp. You'd never seen him flirt so heavily, or put himself out there so sexually before and you were loving it. “You looked so fucking hot.” You say. He grins at you, making you realize what you had actually just said to him.

“Oh my god.” You gasp, slapping your hand across your mouth. “I didn't.. that was..”

Seungmin stares at you. You wonder if it's so he can figure out how to gently let you down but no words come from his mouth. Instead he moves up, crashing his lips onto yours. You don't even think, you just move your mouth with his, opening and letting him slide his tongue into your mouth. He stands up, not breaking the kiss as he pulls you over to land on his lap as he sits down. The kiss is sloppy but passionate. His hands roam your body before they end up at the hem of your shirt. He pulls it up and over your head, only breaking the kiss to discard it across the room. He reaches behind you, using one hand to unhook your bra. You sit up on his lap, genuinely surprised he was able to do that.

“very impressive.” You giggle as he cups your tits. He leans forward, taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it as you throw your head back, dry humping him. You can feel his cock grow in his pants with every little movement you make. He hums in pleasure as his lips remain wrapped around your nipple until he can't take it anymore. He helps you off of him and lays you down on the couch on your back. He discards his shirt, taking off his pants and boxers before moving to your jeans, unbuttoning them before yanking them off your body.

He takes a moment, staring at your naked body, appreciating every curve, every mark and everything you think is a flaw. He finds it all beautiful.

You spread your legs for him, he kneels down on the couch, licking his fingers before he gently pushes them inside you. Fuck you were tight. Seungmin groans at the feeling of you wrapped around his fingers. He finger fucks you while using his other hand to play with your clit, making you squirm beneath him. He loved seeing you like this, he had been waiting so long for the day he was able to have you like this.

“Please.” You breathe.

“Please what?” He asks.

“Fuck me.” You pant. “Please fuck me.”

He doesn't respond, instead pulls his fingers from inside you, using your wetness to wet his hard cock before he lined himself up with your entrance. He slowly pushed himself into you, stretching you out around his cock.

“Oh fuck.” You groan, your eyes rolling back. Seungmin slowly grinds himself into you, over and over, each time hitting your clit with such an intense thrust it makes you whimper beneath him. You take your hands, grabbing his head to pull him down, latching your lips onto his as he continues moving the same way, slowly and intensely to make sure you feel it all. You moan into his mouth to keep yourself from screaming out, now that the music in your room has stopped. You lift your legs, wrapping them around him, allowing him to push his cock even deeper into your already soaked cunt. You break the kiss, breathing heavily as he nestles his head between your neck and shoulder, biting you gently as he picks up his pace.

You run your hands through his hair, pulling as he starts thrusting into you harder, even quicker.

“Fuck.” He grunts. “I never imagined you'd feel this good.”

He continues to rub your clit with his movements, now that he's moving quicker, your orgasm is building even quicker. You wrap your arms around him, digging your nails into his back as you cling onto him, loud moans escaping from your mouth without a care. You were about to cum - you couldn't hold it in any longer.

“I'm gonna.. fucking.. oh god.” You cry out as your orgasm explodes through your body. You wrap around him tighter as you ride through your high, your cunt pulsating around his cock.

“Holy shit.” He moans, cumming right after you, burying himself deep inside of you as he emptied himself into you.

Seungmin pulls his cock from you, the two of you quickly getting dressed. You both knew you needed to leave, like now before they come searching for more money. The two of you had been in there longer than you paid for. Once dressed, Seungmin takes your hand into his, pulling you out of the room and into the street. He looks at you with a wide smile as he leans down to kiss you. He breaks the kiss, still smiling. “We did things sort of backwards.” He chuckles. “Can I take you on a date tomorrow?”

[love-kurdt]

Now That We Don't Talk (byler): 2

word count: 15,023

warnings for this chapter: homophobia, parental disownment, very graphic imagery presented in a nightmare (car crash, blood and dying), underage drinking, sexual content, assault/rape. this is semi-autobiographical so pls be kind <3

in short, if you are emotionally or mentally vulnerable, pls dni.

“Uh… hey. I’m– I’m Will. Byers,” I stuttered out, shoving my hands in the pockets of my khaki pants. Matt blinked back at me for a second, as if he were processing what I was saying over the deafening music. Should I have been a little bit louder?

“H–fuck,” Matt swore, plucking a pair of plastic fangs from his mouth and tossing them somewhere behind him. He cleared his throat and shook his head, his eyes shut tightly. Had I met my awkward match? “I’m so sorry, let me start again,” he smiled, extending a hand out to me. “Hi. Matt Winters, nice to meet you.”

I took his hand, hesitantly shaking it. Of course he had the same initials as Mike. Of fucking course, out of all the people at this party that my friends could’ve introduced me to, he–

“Sorry, I’m not sure how to do this,” Matt confessed, looking a bit flustered. “I, um… I wasn’t really expecting to be, you know, set up with anyone tonight. If you aren’t able to tell, I’m pretty nervous, because you’re really cute, and I’m afraid I’m fucking this all up–”

“No no no, you’re fine! We’re on the same page,” I told him, placing a hand on his shoulder in reassurance. “I’m personally kind of terrible at starting conversations, so… you’re good, I promise. And, um, you’re pretty cute yourself.” And he was. He was lean, and stood at around six feet tall, at my best estimate. He had dark eyes, full lips, an adorable nose, a light stubble across his jaw, and beautiful olive undertones in his skin. 

“Thank you,” Matt said as he shifted back and forth on his feet a few times. He was probably struggling with how to progress the conversation, just like I was. I felt unsure as to if this should’ve been considered a blessing or a curse, because yes, we understood each other, but on the other hand, coming up with new subjects was neither of our strong suits.

“So,” I said with the most serious expression on my face that I could muster, “Come here often?” Matt laughed at that, and the sound of his laughter alone set a thousand butterflies free in my stomach.

He then leaned into my space to respond to my question: “I’m not much of a party person, so, not really. My best friend, Riley, is dating your DM, and they apparently arranged this… thing… a few days ago.” 

“What ‘thing’?” I asked, and cocked an eyebrow.

“Where you and I… you know,” he replied with a light shrug.

I shook my head. “I don’t, actually.”

“Um…” Matt trailed off, and I quickly glanced over his shoulder to see Ivy making out with Hannah against a wall across the room before focusing back on Matt. She clearly wasn’t available to potentially come to my rescue if things went south. I really hoped that “you know” wasn’t code for “have sex.” It wasn’t that I was afraid to have sex per se, or that I didn’t want to; it was just that I wasn’t into the whole idea of one night stands or hookups. If I was going to have sex, I’d want to be in a committed relationship with the guy I was with.

Before either of us could figure out how to salvage this uncomfortable dialogue, a very familiar bass and drum introduction blared out of the PA system stationed in the corner of the living room.

“Oh, thank God, saved by The Cure. I fucking love this song,” Matt sighed loudly in relief at “Just Like Heaven”’s high pitched, organ-esque synth lead. Any doubts or reservations I was having about this man were melting away by the second.

“Really? Same here!” I exclaimed, and Matt nodded.

“Yeah, they’re one of my favorite bands. I saw them live last year, and I was never the same.” He raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck, and I gawked with wide eyes.

“I will forever be jealous of you. Robert Smith’s lyricism is unmatched.”

“You’re so right,” Matt nodded along to the beat, reaching out to hold my hand in his. “And who knows? Maybe we can go to one of their shows someday.” Was this even real? What did I do to deserve this? Did I deserve this? I’d have to stick around to find out.

“Someday. Maybe,” I found myself replying, holding onto Matt’s hand a little tighter. We’d figure out the whole intimacy situation later. In the meantime–

“Wanna… dance? Let’s dance,” Matt said, pulling me by our connected hands into the middle of the crowd of people before I could manage to protest. And claustrophobia be damned, I didn’t feel like I was going to implode. Not when Matt’s hands gripped my waist. Not when my hands slowly moved from his chest, up and around his neck. Not when we swayed back and forth in a slow dance to an upbeat song. Not when our eyes met, and Matt’s nearly black irises got impossibly darker, but in the most comforting way possible. Not when Robert Smith ended his phrase, “I’ll run away with you,” the guitar top line began again, and one of Matt’s hands gently caressed the side of my face before pulling me into a soft kiss.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was kind of worried about it being so soon after meeting him, but… I didn’t hate it. Not at all. I didn’t hate it so much that I pulled him in even closer, swiping the tip of my tongue against the seam of his lips, deepening the kiss. He let me in immediately, and suddenly our tongues were sliding against each other, and oh my God, this was my first time making out with someone, wasn’t it? Was my kissing okay? Was I doing this right? Was I–

And then I felt Matt moan against my mouth, and his grip on my hips tighten, and I knew I had a generally good idea. He ran his hands up my torso and through my hair and it was like I forgot how to breathe. "Just Like Heaven" was still playing, but I could barely hear the lyrics anymore; just mine and Matt’s simultaneous inhales and exhales, the obscene sound our lips were likely making, and our friends’ unanimous screeching in the distance. They’d been watching us, the little shits. They definitely succeeded in their mission, I’d give them that. We pulled away from one another, but not too far, as he leaned his forehead against mine, his thumb brushing my cheekbone.

“I’m not into one night stands or hookups,” I blurted out immediately. I felt heat rise to my face at my brashness. Was I sabotaging my only chance at happiness? I had probably already ruined what we had with my sky-high expectations. But before I could backtrack, Matt merely pecked my lips again with a chuckle.

“That’s perfect. Because neither am I.”

I stared up at him in awe, brushing some hair away from his eyes. “Are you real?”

“Who even is real, nowadays? We’re all just figments of the material plane, if you think about it,” Matt replied, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I rose up onto my tiptoes and kissed him this time. He melted into it instantly, and I felt like I was going to die of pure joy.

“Wanna go somewhere that’s not your place or mine?” he asked once I pulled away. I searched his face for an impending “just kidding,” or a “no homo, bro,” but found nothing of the sort. This was real. Matt Winters liked me, no mind fuckery included.

“Yeah, let’s go,” I said. Matt only grinned as he took my hand in his once again, leading me out of the crowd and out into the crisp October night, laughing the whole way to his car.

“So,” Matt said, leaning his forearms on the surface of the tabletop that separated us. “Will Byers. Tell me ten things about you, go.”

We’d driven around for a few hours, listening to music and ranking our top twenty favorite bands, and it turned out that we had a lot in common. We eventually got hungry and ventured into a twenty-four hour diner. It was about twenty minutes away from campus; a very run-down place with dim lighting and 70s wood paneling, but Matt swore the food there was to die for, so I had to try it for myself. He was very, very right; I would have believed it if someone told me the grilled cheese and tomato soup combo I ordered had been laced with crack.

“Okay,” I nodded, trying to conjure up all of my generic fun facts. “Um… I’m from Hawkins, Indiana… I have a brother named Jonathan who’s four years older than me, and a stepsister named El, but I honestly just refer to her as my sister. I love D&D and I’m part of the club here, I love to read musician biographies, and sometimes the occasional cheesy romance– you know, the ones with the abs on the cover, I’m a freshman painting major, I love to sing, but I’m awful at it–”

“Now I’ve gotta hear that singing voice of yours,” Matt declared.

I shook my head vigorously. “Not a chance.” But then Matt gave me puppy eyes. Damnit.

“...Fine. Maybe after our fifth date.”

“I’m holding you to that, Byers.”

“Anyway…” I felt a smile involuntarily spread across my face. Who even was I? I’d truly believed that I would never be able to smile again after the series of events that went down in August, but here Matt was, making smiling feel so natural. “What number was I on?”

“Six, going on seven.”

“Alright, so I–I’m not much of a drinker, but when I do, it’s usually straight up liquor. Like, shots. If I’m gonna consume alcohol, I’m gonna suffer while doing it. That way, I won’t end up liking it too much. Don’t want to end up like my…” I stopped myself from elaborating further, mentally kicking myself for revealing too much of my life, “…father.”

Matt crossed his arms and slouched back into his seat, seemingly unsurprised. “Your father’s an alcoholic, then?” he asked.

I looked down momentarily at my hands, where my knuckles had gone white while clasping them together for dear life. “Something like that,” I shrugged. “He usually had beer and whiskey, so I steer clear from those, and just do shots of vodka or tequila. I know that’s not any better, but I think that if I were to drink beer or whiskey, I’d feel…” I grimaced at the thought, “more like his son than I’d prefer.”

Matt leaned forward once more and reached out to separate my hands with his own, holding them instead. I glanced down at our intertwined fingers, then back up into Matt’s eyes, and felt my face go ablaze with furious flames. “Gotcha,” he nodded solemnly as he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand, “I admire you for distancing yourself away from the path to becoming like him. That alone takes an incredible sense of…”

“Of what?” I asked, withdrawing my hands from his in order to take another bite of my grilled cheese.

“Would it be corny if I said ‘Will-power’?” Matt glanced at me sheepishly, and I had to hold in a laugh as I chewed. 

“Incredibly,” I replied. “Although, you’re not the first one who’s said that.”

“Damnit. Who beat me to it?”

“My friend, Dustin,” I smiled at the thought of my friend. I should call him soon, I thought to myself. I miss him. “He’s always had the weirdest names for things.”

“Like what?” Matt asked, and I froze. Like what? Like… Watergate? Demodog? Vecnapocalypse? I couldn’t tell him about any of those things without sounding like a total psychopath or violating the conditions of my NDAs.

I settled on a simple, “... I forgot.”

Matt snapped his fingers, disappointed. “Damn.”

“Yeah,” I nodded in agreement, then lifted my eyes up to his again with a small smirk. “But I know for a fact that I’ll remember something at, like, 1am and call you up to tell you about it.” Matt let out a chuckle at that, and I frowned in confusion.

“Sorry to break it to you, hon…” Matt replied slowly, testing out the new name on his tongue, making me blush, “but it’s 1:32am.”

My eyes widened at that. “No fucking way.”

“Way.”

“We’ve been here for, what,” I checked my watch, just to verify how long we’d been seated in the diner booth, “four and a half hours? And I still barely know anything about you!”

Matt chuckled. “We’ve gotta finish the list of ten things about you, first!”

“Not my fault you keep distracting me.”

I could hear the smile spreading across his face as he said, “I’m distracting, now, am I?”

“You are,” I admitted.

Matt narrowed his eyes and stroked his chin in feigned suspicion. “Interesting.”

“Okay,” I took a deep breath, pushing the conversation forward before I got too flustered and lost my train of thought once again. “So… Hawkins, Jonathan and El, D&D, books, my major, singing, alcohol, my father, Dustin–”

“Dustin doesn’t count,” Matt said.

“He does, too!” I insisted, letting a little bit of my inner child seep through the cracks of my adult persona.

“Fine,” Matt relented with a slight eye roll, “But only because I like you.”

Well, that was very forward of him. It wasn’t too out of pocket, given the fact that I’d literally made out with him not even ten minutes into knowing his name, but listening to a guy openly admitting his romantic feelings for me without any form of hesitation was something I had yet to get used to. I spent years hiding my own feelings, and Mike… fuck Mike. “I like you, too,” I told him, and I felt a sense of… accomplishment? This year’s Moving On Award recipient is… Will Byers, from Mike Wheeler to Matt Winters! Cue the fanfare, confetti, et cetera.

“… And that’s ten.”

“Really?” I shook my head in confusion. “What was ten?”

“That you’re into me.”

“Oh,” I said with a slight eye roll at my own stupidity, “Yeah. I guess that was ten things.”

“And that’s my number one. I like you,” he nudged my foot with his under the table with a smirk, “I have severe ADHD, I had a dog as a kid and named him Swayze— he was a pomeranian. I’m a senior material studies major because I can’t make decisions to save my life. I have a passion for writing and have this dream of writing and illustrating my own stories someday–”

“Woah, me too!” I interrupted, and Matt’s eyes lit up in surprise.

“No way, you write as well?”

How to Explain The Status of Your Co-Writing Relationship with Your Ex-Best Friend Who You Were in Unrequited but Not Actually Unrequited Love With, All Without Mentioning His Name for Dummies would’ve been pretty useful right about now. “Uh… no. I used to work on silly comic books with some of my old friends, but I only illustrated. Someone else did the writing.”

“Cool,” Matt nodded in approval.

“I have no idea what's gonna happen next. But, whatever it is, I... I think we should work together. I think it'll be easier if we're... we're a team. Friends. Best friends.”

“Cool.” 

“Cool.”

“So, uh—” Fuck, I hadn’t even realized I’d spaced out. “That was five, right?” Matt asked me, and I nodded, taking a sip of my Diet Coke. How long did I dissociate for? This hadn’t happened to me in months.

 “My favorite subject back in high school was Home Economics,” he continued. “Frankly, I think the skills taught in that class helped me out in life way more than any trigonometric equation ever could. I smoke grass regularly, but hate cigarettes.” Now I had a valid reason to quit smoking. Not like I should’ve been smoking underage to begin with, but that was besides the point.

“I love virtually anything Stephen King, I’m a coffee connoisseur of sorts since I work at a café, and…” Matt leaned his elbow against the table and rested his head on his palm, deep in thought. “If I were to live anywhere in the world for the rest of my life, it would be Israel.”

I raised a quizzical eyebrow at that. “Why Israel?”

“I have some extended family there, in Tel-Aviv. I went to Jerusalem a few summers back, and… fuck, that city is beautiful. I’ve been there only once, but there’s something about exploring your religious heritage in the place it originated is so surreal.”

“Wait, you’re Jewish, too?”

“Yeah. I actually grew up in an Orthodox home, but my parents were really loose with the religious laws and shit. But when I came out as gay, I guess… all of the rules suddenly mattered. They cut me off, like, seven years ago,” Matt told me, pressing his knuckles into his palm one by one with his thumb. “Which, now that I think about it, I’m not sure if spending the rest of my life in Israel is the most logical idea I’ve ever had–”

“You said you’re a senior, right?” I asked. Matt nodded curtly. I did the mental math, and came to the conclusion that either I was horrible at simple subtraction, or… “You were cut off while you were a freshman in high school?”

“Yup.”

“Wow, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you. I’m so sorry.”

“Eh, I was better off,” Matt said with a resigned shrug. “I lived with my now-ex, Hayden, for the rest of high school. His parents were so supportive. It made me jealous sometimes. But they ended up being more influential on my life than my own parents had ever been capable of being.” As he spoke, I couldn’t help but let my mind drift to my own mom and dad. The opportunity to disown me was right there in front of them, and yet, they hadn’t thought twice about accepting me when I came out to them. I was glad that Matt at least had Hayden’s parents to lean on. That was, until they broke up. So did that mean that he didn’t have any family at all?

“I kind of don’t want to ask this because it sounds pretty fucking shallow in comparison to what you just told me, but… why’d you two break up?” I asked hesitantly. Matt dismissed my self-consciousness with a wave of his hand.

“You’re totally fine, it’s a valid question. I’m completely okay with sharing, too, if you’re worried about that.” It was like he was in my head. “I didn’t really want to break up with him, honestly. But he insisted that since he was going to Utah for college and I was going to Illinois, long distance wasn’t feasible. I just wanted him to be happy, and for us to end things on a high note, so… I let him go. After I did, though, I was so hesitant to get back into the dating scene. I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone else. He taught me what love was.”

I knew how that felt. I told him so, and he chuckled softly before resting his head on the palm of his hand. “We’re a lot alike, I think,” he said as he glanced up at me, sparkles dancing in the umber shade of his irises. “Aren’t we?” Damn, Matt knew how to make a man swoon. I was falling harder for him by the second, and I wasn’t in any kind of rush to slow down.

“I’d say so, yeah.”

“Good, I’m glad you agree,” Matt said. “Because for the first time in a long time, I can see further than a few days into my future.”

The rest of the night went by faster than either of us could believe. Once the sun had begun to rise, we’d left the diner and headed back into the city. Matt insisted on kissing me at every red light. For years, I’d held onto the belief that I wasn’t worthy of romantically-charged physical contact, yet here Matt was, openly willing to give it to me. So I happily obliged, because what the hell, I hadn’t received affection like this in my whole life.

Matt drove us to McKinley Park, and we walked around hand in hand for a little bit longer until both of us were yawning in the middle of every other sentence. We found a nearby bench and I checked my watch, and saw 08:43 flashing back at me. I turned to look at Matt, who was stifling yet another yawn, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the complete lunacy that was this twelve hour date.

“The exhaustion has finally caught up with us, huh?” I teased.

Matt exhaled, leaning his head against my shoulder. “Yeah…”

“I don’t want this to end, though,” I admitted.

Matt hummed into my tee shirt in with assent before muttering, “What if it didn’t have to?”

I shrugged, causing Matt to lift his head back up so our eyes could meet. “I don’t know what you’re alluding to,” I began, “but I’m still not sleeping with you–”

“I never said anything about that–”

“...Yet.”

“I don’t know what you’re implying, but I was planning on simply sleeping.” Matt smirked, continuing on with the comedic bit, despite my confession of being open to having sex with him in the future. “As in, a synonym of slumber, snoozing, s–”

He was being so adorable, I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached up to hold Matt’s face between my hands before pulling him in and firmly pressing our lips together. I felt him gasp against my mouth in surprise, and I realized then that I was the one initiating the kiss this time. And that felt fucking amazing.

“God, times were easier when those people kept their filth behind closed doors,” I heard a voice say from a few feet away. I let go of Matt and turned to see three men standing together in denim biker jackets in front of the bench we were sitting on.

“What did you just say?” I asked, moving to stand up.

“I said that the world was better off when fags like you weren’t shoving your ideologies down our throats,” I felt Matt tug on my arm as if to say No, don’t feed into it, they’re not worth it, but I was so beyond done with being mistreated that standing up to these idiots felt like a walk in the park… literally.

I approached the men and rested my hands on my hips, popping one out for added Gay Emphasis. “I know of another thing that I could shove down your throat, but I don’t think you’d like it all that much.” They stared back at me in stunned silence, but I wasn’t done with them yet. “So if I were you, I’d back the fuck off and mind your own business. I know a good lawyer.”

They didn’t need to be told twice; they immediately fled the scene, leaving me feeling satisfied and Matt shellshocked. I turned back to ask if he was okay, only to be grabbed by my biceps and pushed against a tree a few feet away. And suddenly Matt’s tongue was down my throat. It only lasted for a second before he pulled away, his eyes wild. “That was so hot. Will,” he whispered, reaching up to hold my face in his hands. “That was so fucking hot, c’mere–” I let out a giggle as Matt kissed my neck once, twice, and then moved back to my lips, swallowing the moan that escaped my throat. It hit me then that we were still in public. 

“Okay, okay,” I lightly pushed him away, much to both of our disappointment. “Let’s go before we actually get hate crimed.”

I opened my eyes to a popcorn ceiling. I despised popcorn ceilings. I bolted upright, processing this unfamiliar room in a slight panic. When I was met with red walls and a poster of the album “Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me,” by The Cure, I remembered where I was; Matt and I had gone back to his house after spending twelve hours together. I was in his bed, and he wasn’t there with me. He really had been serious about respecting my wishes, and took the couch.

I flopped down onto my back and turned my head so my cheek rested on the pillow I’d slept on. I breathed in and could immediately identify Matt’s scent; pine and a faint hint of lavender dryer sheets. God, yesterday was a whirlwind. And to think it all started with Shaggy and Dracula.

I turned my head to look out the window to see that the sun was almost set. I’d slept through the entire day. My sleep schedule was definitely going to be fucked up for a while. Honestly, though, if I had to choose a twelve hour date with Matt Winters or a healthy circadian rhythm, I’d choose Matt. There was no doubt about it; I’d fallen hard, and fallen fast.

After letting myself wake up a little more, I pushed myself off of the mattress and wandered out of Matt’s room, down the hall, and into the living room, where Matt was still asleep, a little bit of drool puddling on the decorative pillow below his head. He was an adorable sleeper. As if he could hear my thoughts, Matt’s eyelids fluttered open slowly and I was greeted with a shy smile.

“Mornin’” Matt rasped out.

“Try evening,” I replied with a low chuckle.

Matt stood up from his spot on the couch and made his way over to me, lifting a hand to push a piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear. “Did you have a nice sleep?”

“Yeah,” I said. Matt intertwined his free hand with mine.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked me. I nodded in lieu of a response, and then I was being pulled in and kissed like Matt’s life depended on it. I was so happy. I was so damn happy that I started smiling into our kiss, effectively breaking it. I looked up at Matt to notice that he was grinning as well, and we broke into a fit of giggles before leaning into each other again and falling, falling, falling… right into Matt’s bed.

“This is getting awfully hot and heavy” Matt muttered against my lips, and I groped his ass as he hovered over me.

“Yeah,” I agreed with half my mind turned to putty, and he grinded down against me, eliciting a moan from the both of us, “It is.”

“You wanna stop?” Matt asked, and I pulled away, thinking I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He must have seen the worry on my face, and was quick to reassure me otherwise with a light peck to my lips. “I mean, I don’t want to stop, but… I want to respect your boundaries. I won’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.”

“Matt,” I said, relishing in the sound of his breath hitching following my mention of his name, “I’ve never felt this way about a guy in my life. It’s a crime that we just met a little less than twenty four hours ago.”

With a surge of bravado I didn’t know I even had, I flipped us over with a grunt so I was the one on top, bracketing Matt in between my arms. He looked up at me in a haze, his eyes filled with pure lust.

“So I say fuck it.”

I’d just gotten back from Painting I, where Miriam had made the announcement that The Heart had been selected for a display in the lobby of the Admissions office building. I was glad that others were able to find joy in the piece I’d spent hours upon hours in emotional turmoil over. After class, I headed back to my dorm and called Lucas. We’d started up a routine of calling once a week, if not every two weeks. Dustin and I spoke a little less frequently, but we thankfully had that kind of friendship where we could go a while without talking and pick up right where we left off. El and I spoke almost daily. I heard the ringback tone go through a few times before Lucas picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Lucas, it’s Will,” I said.

“Hey, man! How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been alright, you?”

“Same here, pushing through,” I heard the sound of a door slamming in the background. “Oh, hey babe, Will’s on the phone if you wanna say hi! Max just got in from PT.”

“Give me the phone, stalker,” I heard Max say, and I smiled as I heard the phone shuffling between their hands. “William. My dear.”

“You let her call you William?” Lucas shouted from a distance. “You never let me call you William.”

“You don’t let me call you Lukey Poo,” I replied, and I heard Lucas tut in disappointment.

“There’s a huge difference between the connotations of William versus Lukey Poo. I’m gonna let you decide which one is degrading.”

“Touché.”

“So how are you?” Max asked me.

“I’m good.”

“Woah,” Lucas complained, “so with me you’re just alright, but with Max, you’re good?”

“Same thing.”

“Barely.”

“I’m alrood,” I laughed, leaning back onto my comforter. “Or galright.”

“God, you sound like Dustin,” Lucas huffed. He wasn’t… not right about that. “Wait, I’m gonna dial him in, hold on.” There was a brief silence, followed by–

“Lukey Poo! My brother!”

“For God’s sake, not you, too.”

“God is dead, Luc-ass Puke-Ass.”

“Brutal! Will, help me out here.”

“Will? You’re in Cali?”

“Nope, still in Chicago. Hey, Dusty Bun.”

“Would you look at that, the Party’s back together again!” Lucas exclaimed. “Well… minus Mike, of course.”

“And El,” Max added.

“Yeah, and El,” Dustin repeated. “How is she, by the way?” Classic Dustin, always asking about El. Maybe Mike had been right in Letter #24 when he mentioned the possible chemistry between those two.

“She’s good,” I replied. “The program she’s in at Vanderbilt is kicking her ass, but she’s kicking theirs right back.”

“Oh yeah, I bet,” Dustin gushed. “She’s so determined and committed, though, so I believe it.”

“Yeah,” Max agreed.

“Has anyone heard from Mike?” Dustin asked, and I felt my mouth go dry.

“No, he hasn’t picked up any of my calls this month,” Lucas said.

“Mine either,” Dustin sighed. “Will, have you tried calling him?”

Friends don’t lie. “No.”

“Why not?”

Why would I was on the tip of my tongue, but I bit it at the last second, opting to reply with, “I think he’s just busy, guys. I heard the writing program at U of Indy was pretty rigorous.”

“For a kindergartner, maybe!” Lucas snorted. ”Plus, Mike’s always been some sort of prolific author prodigy! It should be a piece of cake for him!”

“Right?” Dustin grumbled. “I’m so confused. He just… vanished out of our lives.”

“Will, what if you tried calling him?” Lucas asked me hesitantly before adding, “He’s always had a thing for you.”

“What?” I shot up into a sitting position, unable to comprehend what I had just heard.

“Yeah, I gotta admit, buddy, you lost me there, too,” Dustin said.

“I just mean he’d probably pick up if he knew it was you,” Lucas explained, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “You and Mike have always been closer with each other compared to the rest of us.”

I exhaled extra heavily, hoping they’d pick up on my reluctance to do what was being asked of me. “I don’t know.”

“I sense some tension,” Dustin remarked. I could see his wiggling eyebrows from all eight hundred and forty-nine miles away. “What are you not telling us?”

“Nothing! Just–” I cut myself off with a groan. “Fine. I’ll call him. But I’m telling you guys now that he’ll probably be like this with me too.” They were completely fine with that. Of course they were. Because they loved to see me suffer, apparently.

We ended the call about half an hour later, and I found myself still sitting on my bed with the receiver in my hand. Was I really debating upon whether or not I should call Mike? Yup. Was it a bad idea? Probably. Was I going to follow through with it? That remained to be seen.

“To call or not to call,” I whispered to myself, “That is the question.” Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them. To die.

No. I couldn’t do it. Not yet.

Midterms came and went, and suddenly, it was Thanksgiving break. Matt and Riley had invited the rest of our D&D Party to spend Friendsgiving at their house, but I had to decline. I knew that if I didn’t come home for the holidays, I would never hear the end of it from my family and friends back in Hawkins.

I had yet to tell my family about Matt. It wasn’t like I was intentionally withholding the information from them. I was just so busy between finishing The Heart, organizing D&D campaigns with Kate, and making out with my boyfriend that when I did have time to talk to my family, the conversation was pretty surface-level. But now that we were all in the dining room together, digging into Mom’s kick-ass mashed potatoes, I’d figured that this would be a good time to bite the bullet. 

“Guys… I have some news. It’s, uh… it’s pretty important.”

The sound of everyone’s forks on their plates stopped mid-scrape. I took a shaky breath. This wouldn’t be too difficult; coming out was the worst of it, but I was still anxious as to how everyone would take the news that I was actually dating a boy.

“What about, sweetie?” Mom asked.

“So… I might have a boyfriend.”

“Might?” Dad grumbled, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. “So, what, you have half a boyfriend?”

Mom scoffed. “Hopper, for Christ’s sake–”

“We’re Jewish, Joyce.”

“For Christ’s sake–”

“Mom! Dad! Let him talk,” El cut Mom and Dad off, nodding at me to continue. “You were saying?”

“I have a whole boyfriend,” I playfully rolled my eyes. “We’ve been dating since the beginning of this month.”

“I’m very happy for you, Will. You deserve this,” my brother said in earnest, and I tried not to get choked up. He’d really been there for it all, hadn’t he? He’d seen me fall in love for the first time, and helped me through all of the grief and heartbreak that followed.

“Thanks, Jon.”

“So what’s this boy’s name?” Dad asked.

“Matt Winters.”

“Matt Winters,” El repeated, her eyebrows furrowing as she processed this new information. She shifted her gaze back up to me. “And you like him?”

“Um… I wouldn’t be dating him if I didn’t like him.”

“So why didn’t you invite him here for Thanksgiving?” Mom asked, looking almost offended if it weren’t for the wide smile on her face. “You know we have no problem with hosting guests!”

“Yeah, I know. That’s not the reason why I didn’t invite him, though,” I grimaced. How could I explain that Matt wasn’t anything like Mike, and that I wasn’t sure how they’d react to me dating someone new? How could I explain that I still wasn't exactly completely over Mike yet, and taking Matt home to Hawkins with me would have felt a little bit too… soon for me?

“I don’t know,” I continued, “I… I just… I want to make sure the guy I bring home for holidays is someone I’m one hundred percent serious about. And I’ve only been dating him for, like, less than a month, not to mention he’s my first boyfriend ever! Cut me some slack!”

“So I guess you could say that this Matt is out of your… Wheelhouse,” Jonathan muttered, and El snorted. He just had to go there, didn’t he?

“Hmm,” Dad stroked his beard in thought. “I wonder if that tall glass of water of yours is back in town yet.”

“No, please, not this again,” I whined, putting my head in my hands as discussion about Mike Wheeler broke out at the dinner table. This had been a common occurrence throughout all of high school. Everyone in my family had convinced themselves that Mike reciprocated my feelings, and that we would eventually get together.

El and Jon teased me endlessly whenever I came home from Mike’s place, and forced me to recount every single second we’d spent together. Mom was a meddler; she’d always find ways to get Mike over to our house for family meals, and made it a point to emphasize the word family with the implication that he was a part of it. When Mike asked me to senior prom, that was the icing on the cake for Dad; I think he even made a chart after that. Dad was both my biggest cheerleader and my biggest comfort, especially when I told him about what happened after I found the letters.

But that chapter was over.

I cleared my throat, and everyone stopped talking, turning to face me. “Matt is really great, guys,” I said in a low voice. “And yeah, he’s not Mike, but… at least give him a chance, will you? I’ll bring him home during Spring Break, and you guys can meet him then.”

The fall semester had finally come to an end, and of course, we had to party about it. Matt had arrived at my dorm room to pick me up, and when Aaron noticed us kissing in the doorway, he had more than a few choice words to say to and about us. I’d played it off like I usually did, claiming it wasn’t a huge deal, but I had been dealing with Aaron’s bullshit for months now. It was like he was an ice pick, chipping away at my soul as if to say, “Let’s see how much verbal abuse Will can take before he shatters!” This was the breaking point for me. So when we got to the party, I drank. And drank. And drank.

I’d somehow lost track of Matt’s whereabouts, and found myself standing in an alley next to the building where the party was going on. There was a payphone stationed near the entrance of the alley, so I decided to take a little trip there and use the rest of my spare change to make a phone call.

“Hello?”

Was that Mom? Holy shit, it was Mom! I knew she was small, but I didn’t know she could fit into a pay phone! How did she know I was there?!

Oh, wait, I thought, I called her. She isn’t actually inside the pay phone, idiot… Why did I call her again?

“Hello?” I heard her ask again. Fuck, I already forgot she was on the phone.

“Mooooom. Mommy. Hi,” I slurred, leaning against the wall. I thought right then that I’d have been perfectly content melting directly into the concrete.

“Will,” Mom said, her voice getting all hushed and concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Yup!” I proclaimed to the empty alley. My voice echoed all the way down to the other end. “I’m faaaaantastic. Just a lil’ drunk, though.”

“I can hear that, honey.”

“Is Dad there?” I asked, wrapping the metal cord around my wrist. I briefly considered what it would be like if I ever decided to introduce handcuffs into mine and Matt’s sex life, and I swore I gave myself heart palpitations just by thinking about it.

“Dad is passed out on the couch and snoring like a trucker,” Mom replied, pulling me out of my filthy, filthy thoughts. “Why? Do you want to talk with him?”

“No,” I shook my head, looking around to make sure I wasn’t holding up a line or something. I most definitely wasn’t. “I just wanted to make sure I didn’t… I don’t know, ruin your night or something. Fridays are usually your movie nights.”

“Oh, we already watched our movie a few hours ago, some easily forgettable rom-com.” I could hear my mom’s smile as she spoke. I loved seeing my mom so happy ever since she married Dad. It was like she’d been brought back to life. “Now I’m just reading in the big blue arm chair, and so it’s just you and me.”

“Perfect,” I said, turning around and leaning my forehead against the brick and mortar in front of me, “Cuzzz I gotta-lotta-say.”

“... You sure you’re okay?” Mom asked, and I hummed in substitution of a “yes.”

“I’m suuurrreee,” I closed my eyes and grinned at the sound of my drawn-out syllables, but they snapped open again at the memory of standing in my old living room being yelled at by a very similarly-sounding drunken voice. “An’ I promise ‘mnot an alcoholic. I don’t wannanduhlidah,” I said, and lifted my hand up, extending my index finger to emphasize my point. I heard my mom lightly snicker on the other end of the line.

“Can you repeat that?” she asked me. “I’m having a little bit of a hard time understanding you.” Fuck. I must have been really drunk for her to not have understood me. God, I really was turning into my–

“Hmm… d’ya think I’ll end up like Lonnie?”

“Baby, are you kidding me? You are nothing like Lonnie.”

“He usedta drink a lot. A looooootttttt. Remem…emm…mer? An’ he alwaysssaid I’ll never be a man. He called me a fairy. A fa—“ I felt my voice crack as emotions took over my psyche, and I silently cursed myself for still crying over my dad over a decade later.

“Will. I want to make myself very clear,” my mom told me, and I stood up a bit straighter. Unlike me. “He’s less than half the man that you are. You are an incredible, talented, sweet young man. Being gay doesn’t negate any of the great qualities you have.”

“I’m a teeerrrible person,” I said, and mouthed along with my mom’s predictable reply.

“You are not a terrible person.”

“But what about what I did to Mike?” I whined.

“You did what you needed to do to protect yourself, baby. He’ll understand that eventually.”

“But what if I made a misssTAKE?”

“Only time will tell. It’s never too late to call him.”

“Yeah.” I looked up and noticed that at one point or another, Matt had joined me in the alley. How much of the conversation had he heard? Hopefully not too much. “Hey, mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, honey,” Mom replied. “Now make sure to go hydrate. Stay safe, okay?”

I nodded, realized that she couldn’t see me nodding, and provided verbal confirmation this time around with an, “Okie. Byeeeee.” I was so drunk. I hung up before turning to face my boyfriend. “Hey, babe,” I greeted him with a shit eating grin on my face. He was so so cute. Adorable. Gorgeous. Hot. Sexy. Edible. “Where have you been? You having a good time?”

“I’ve spent the past fifteen or so minutes looking for you!” Matt said, scuffing the soles of his Converse against the gravel that lined the sides of the alley. “Was that actually your mom?”

Well, duh, I thought. Who else would I call ‘mom’? Well, besides Steve, obviously. “Yeah! She said to say hi to you for her, by the way.” That was a total lie, but it would keep the tone light.

Or so I thought, because Matt had one more question for me. It was the one question that I’d been dreading ever since we’d started dating. “Who’s Mike?”

I was way too intoxicated to have this conversation right now. I met Matt’s eyes for a second, shook my head and battled my way through a choked, “We used to be friends. But he’s dead to me now. You have nothing to worry about,” before keeling over and violently throwing up onto the ground.

“Alright, sweetheart, we’ve gotta get you back to the dorms. You’re absolutely wasted,” Matt coaxed me to stand up and threw one of my arms around his shoulders. “You mind if I ask Pete for backup? I don’t think I can get you home by myself.”

“You calling me fat, Winters?”

“I think we both know they don’t call you Buff Byers ‘cause you’re fat, Will.”

“Waiiit a minute, who told you about the Buff Byers thing?”

“I have my sources.”

A few minutes later, we’d successfully located Pete within the sea of people he’d been dancing with, and we had to bribe him with twenty dollars to get him to leave the party and help us out. We said goodbye to everyone else on our way out, but right before we reached the door, I recognized the song blasting from the PA system and shouted, “I fucking love this song!” The song in question was “There is a Light That Never Goes Out,” by The Smiths. I happily drawled along with the lyrics to the song as my friend and boyfriend practically carried me down the street and back to the dorms. The singing didn’t stop when we reached my dorm hall, or when they dragged me up the stairs, or even when they fished through my pockets for a solid five minutes, trying to find my keys to let us in.

“And if a tennn tonnn truuuck… kills the both of us… To die by your siiide, well, the pleasure, the privilege is miiine,” I murmured the last chorus, getting a bit emotional as I watched Matt take off my Vans and help me into bed. He was too kind to me. I didn’t deserve it.

“Vecna would’ve had a field day with you…” I sighed, which resulted in a confused chuckle from my boyfriend. My sweet, sweet boyfriend who had no idea about what I’d been through, or the damage I was capable of. So much for my NDAs. I could just blame it on the alcohol if he asked about it later. Matt tucked me in under my comforter, brushing my bangs off my forehead and pressing a kiss there.

“Alright, lover boy, sleep tight.”

I was in the passenger seat of a car, and the road was dark, save for the headlights that lit the road in front of me. I looked down at my hand, which was being held by a very familiar and large hand. My eyes lifted up to see Mike in the driver’s seat, tapping the steering wheel with his fingers to the beat of some synth pop song that was playing out of his car radio.

“Mike?” A smile graced his features as I said his name. He didn’t take his eyes off the road as he rubbed a thumb over the top of my hand. What the hell?

“Yeah, baby?” This was pure insanity. There was no way he’d actually called me–

“... Baby?”

“What is it, love?” Mike replied so casually that I wanted to scream. But I pushed my emotions back down, settling back into the passenger seat and pretending like this was a totally normal occurrence.

“... Nothing,” I muttered, the fingers of my right hand picking at one of the rips on the knee of my jeans. “It’s just…”

“Will, we’ve been together for, what, five years now. Don’t tell me you’re uncomfortable with me calling you ‘baby.’”

Five years. Jesus Christ. “No. No, you’re fine,” I said.

“Good,” Mike grinned before bringing our joined hands to his lips to kiss the back of my hand. “I love you.” My head was spinning.

“I love you, too,” I heard myself say without even thinking about it. Okay, this is officially a dream, I thought. This is way too good to be true.

We continued on down the seemingly endless road for a few more miles before I spoke up again. “So… where are we going?”

“Heaven,” Mike replied.

“You’re funny,” I deadpanned, “No, really, where are we going?”

“Heaven,” Mike repeated. I felt a little bit guilty when I found myself staring at this dream version of Mike, trying my best to commit him to memory. “I mean it, Will. To die by your side… it’d be such a heavenly way to die.” That sounded familiar. Where was that line from again?

“Wait, what?” I asked, but before Mike could clarify, he was pressing his foot as hard as he possibly could onto the gas pedal, accelerating until the speedometer was essentially useless. Within seconds, he’d sent the car plummeting off the edge of the— cliff??— we’d been driving alongside the entire time.

The car flipped with a likeness to an Olympic gymnast, and I heard the sound of bones cracking above the faint background music that was still playing. I’d always wondered about that kind of scenario– if someone got into a fatal car accident; would the music continue to play? Apparently so, considering that the song “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Bee Gees was still playing. That song should never be played in a car for this exact reason; the irony is simply too cruel.

The car eventually gave up on trying to be a flying trapeze artist and settled in a diagonal position with the wheels in the air. Smoke from the undercarriage of the car traveled through the air vents and filled my lungs, and I struggled to breathe. But I didn’t even care; I had to check on Mike, see if he was okay.

He was not. I turned to my left side, and screamed in horror at the sight of Mike’s bloodied, mangled body sprawled across the dashboard, broken glass pricking his bare arms. Wait… there was no way his arm could be way over there and still be– oh my god. Mike’s arm. It had been ripped off his body. Holy shit. Mike’s arm was–

“Mike,” I forced out amidst my heaving breaths. “Michael, can you hear me?” I reached out and smacked him in the face in an attempt to wake him up. Please don’t be dead. “Michael James, if you don’t fucking respond to me right now I’m gonna–”

“Relax, Will. I’m still here.” Using his middle name always did work like a charm.

I let out a high-pitched sob in relief. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Mike said quietly, his own breathing labored. He glanced down at his arm and whispered something along the lines of Would you look at that, my arm is gone, but I couldn’t exactly tell; his speech was starting to sound garbled, as if he was choking on blood. He coughed a bit out, and I watched it dribble down his chin, proving my hypothesis correct. He was going to die without immediate medical attention.

“Come on, let me–” I went to undo my seatbelt, but realized that my limbs had stopped working. “... I can’t move,” It was most likely a severed spinal cord. “Mike, I can’t move.” I couldn’t move, and the last time I’d ever touched Mike was in the form of a slap in the face.

“Me neither, baby,” Mike laughed. His arm was quite literally torn off his body, yet he still found the will within himself to laugh. Maybe he was in shock, and the adrenaline had numbed his pain receptors. I wasn’t sure. But what I was sure of was that this dream needed to end. It was getting a bit too real.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, Mike! We’re gonna fucking die out here if someone–”

“Shh. We’re okay,” Mike whispered, closing his eyes as he spoke. “We’ve got each other, right?” Crazy together. Deranged together. Batshit insane together.

Dead together.

“...Right,” I shut my own eyes, but was only able to for about two seconds before Mike was hacking up blood. I watched as it splattered across the surface of the shattered windshield. “We’re really gonna die, huh?”

“All that matters is that I’m dying with the love of my life by my side,” Mike muttered, all of the color slowly draining out of his face. “The pleasure– no, the privilege– is mine.” I watched his head loll to the side as the blood loss and lack of oxygen to his brain caused his heart to stop beating.

I was startled by the sound of someone gasping, and paused when I realized that the sound was coming from me. I tried to catch my breath, lifting a hand to my heart to try and ground myself with my heartbeat. I felt the familiar sensation of tears pricking the corners of my eyes, and I shut them tightly, hoping the image of Mike’s severed arm would eventually fade.

“You okay?” I heard from across the room, and I squinted my eyes to see my roommate sitting up in bed. Why did he care? He hated me. He’d aimed slurs at me all the way down the hallway when Matt had come to pick me up for the party earlier. What changed?

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” I forced out, turning away from him and facing the front of my body towards the wall. I just needed to think of a good memory and play it out on a loop in my head to fall back asleep. I’d done it before.

A strong hand belonging to Aaron met my shoulder, and I gasped at the sudden contact. How had he gotten over to my side so quietly? Why was he over here at all? Why was he touching me like that? “You don’t sound fine,” Aaron whispered, his mouth close enough to my neck that the tendrils at the nape stood straight up. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach; something felt wrong. “No, really, I’m fi–”

Before I could even process what was happening, his hand shifted down my arm and firmly grasped my wrist. “What are you doing? Stop it,” I told him, and shook my arm in an attempt to get him off of me, but that only ignited something in him, because he pushed me from where I’d been laying on my side and onto my stomach, straddling me and holding me down. “Please stop. Please stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop–”

He grabbed my other wrist and held both of them in one of his hands, as he forced my head into my pillow by my neck with the other to shut me up. He leaned down so his nose was buried in my hair, and I writhed in his grip as he inhaled. “I can make you feel better, Will,” he ghosted his lips over my ear. “Just stay quiet, and we won’t have any problems.” This could not be happening. It had to be another nightmare.

But I already knew the truth; I was wide awake.

The next few weeks were a blur. Aaron left and hadn’t come back after he raped me that night. I didn’t leave my room. I bailed on my date night with Matt over the weekend. He asked me over the phone at one point if I was planning on returning home for Hanukkah, and I glanced at my calendar for a moment of contemplation, noticing that the first two days had already passed before giving him a halfhearted, “Nah. I’ve already missed the first two days, and wouldn’t be able to catch up. I’m just gonna… stay here, I guess.”

That was a horrible idea, because the next thing I knew, my mother was in my dorm room, the expression on her face reading as a combination of disappointment and worry. “Hi, Mom,” I greeted her in a weak voice, and she merely shook her head, stomping over to my bed and whipping out a fucking stethoscope from her purse– courtesy of Owens, I assumed.

Despite my protests of being fine, she pressed her hand to my forehead before pressing the stethoscope to my heart, then to my back to hear my lungs. She dropped the stethoscope back into her purse and squeezed both of my shoulders, her eyebrows nearly becoming one with how hard she was frowning. “William Jacob Byers, you tell me what’s going on right now. Skipping Hanukkah without any call or explanation?!” I was in deep shit. She helped me pack up my things and drove us back to Hawkins that same day.

I didn’t tell my mom exactly what had happened, but did confess that I had been in a depressive state of being for the past few weeks following something traumatic that happened to me. Thankfully, she didn’t press me in regards to the topic of said trauma, but instead made an appointment with my old Upside Down therapist, Judith. I went to see her the day after I got home. Judith was a great therapist. I was so often the listener in my day-to-day life, but she took the approach of “you talk, I nod and give advice when you want it,” so it felt great to have the opportunity to rant about my problems and get validation from a sweet elderly lady who wore her own hand-knitted sweaters.

When I told Judith about what had happened with Aaron, she’d asked me if I told my family or Matt about it. I said no, I hadn’t. She asked why, and I admitted I was just afraid of my family becoming overbearing like they had been when I was a kid, and I was terrified of losing Matt over something I hadn’t been able to control. She suggested that if I couldn’t tell my family, I should at least tell my boyfriend when I was ready, as it wasn’t fair to him to continuously cancel our plans and keep him in the dark. I thought back to the last time we spoke, where he’d expressed feeling like he’d done something wrong when he hadn’t done anything wrong at all.

My mom had also managed to arrange weekly sessions over the phone for when I went back to Chicago. Recovery isn’t linear, as Judith often said. She was right. And in order to begin recovery, I needed to take that first step. So I spoke with Matt on the phone that night. He confessed to having called my mom, and was surprised when I wasn’t angry about it. I actually thanked him, because if it weren’t for my mom, I probably would’ve still been rotting away in my bed back in Chicago. When he asked me why I was depressed, I broke down crying at first, but found enough strength in myself to tell him the truth about what Aaron had done to me.

“I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” he’d said. “And as soon as you get back, we’re going to move you into my place. Riley’s moving Kate in after break, too. But you cannot go back to living with that asshole.”

Right before we ended the call, I wrote his phone number and address information down on a post-it. “I’ll see you in a few weeks,” Matt had told me. “I love you.”

“Bye,” I whispered, hanging the phone back up on the wall.

I prayed to whatever higher powers existed that my friends would just fucking give up already on trying to get Mike to hang out with us. For the past few months, the Party had been updating me on Mike’s whereabouts– or lack thereof– as he’d essentially fallen off the grid. I wasn’t particularly surprised, because I understood why he cut me off, but then again, why had everyone else been lumped in with me on Mike’s Do Not Interact list?

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked hesitantly.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Max countered, looking up from her and El’s joined hands, where she’d been painting El’s nails a shade of deep purple. I shrugged, not sure how to go about explaining why I was discouraging them from contacting our…. no, their friend.

“I don’t know,” I muttered, glancing back down at my sketchbook, where Mike’s left eye had begun to take shape on the page. I resisted the urge to cringe at myself. “Just… don’t expect much from him.”

“Believe me, man, I know,” Lucas said, slumping down entirely too forcefully onto the couch next to me with his cordless phone in his lap. “He never calls any of us anymore, we’re always the ones who have to reach out to him.”

“Which is why we’re calling him now,” Dustin reiterated the same sentiment that he’d been mulling over for the past half hour, pacing all the while. “We’re useless to Mike if we don’t at least try.”

“Okayyy,” I shrugged all of their ignorantly charged hope off my shoulders. “But as long as I’m in the picture, you won’t have any luck getting him into the same room with us. So don’t say I didn’t warn you when he declines.”

“What happened between you two, anyway?” Dustin stopped pacing and adjusted his MIT hat. I really hoped his new Thinking Cap™ was… faulty, or something, so he wouldn’t have any chance of figuring out the truth.

“Nothi–” I began, but El started talking at the same time as me, leaving me unable to keep her from saying:

“He and Will had a falling out.”

“El, for fuck’s sake, oh my–” I slapped a palm to my forehead in a combination of embarrassment and frustration. This was not how I’d wanted the Party to find out about this… in fact, I would’ve been completely content if they never found out at all and if Mike just… if he’d just… stayed away. I gulped at that sobering— and borderline concerning— thought.

“Over what? When? How? Spill!”” Dustin appeared in front of me, shaking my shoulders. He hesitated for a moment, gripping my shoulders a little tighter, and then letting go altogether before… petting my arms? I heard Lucas huff a laugh through his nose as he began dialing Mike’s number, which I subconsciously recited in my head as he pressed each key.

“On a completely different note,” Dustin retreated back to the bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos on Lucas’ kitchen table, “you have got to explain when and how you got so muscular! You’re, like, hot. You should go into, like, a bodybuilding competition. I’d vote for you.” El and Max burst out laughing. I shielded my face with my hand, a mild embarrassment quickly consuming me.

“Everyone shut up, I’m putting him on speaker,” Lucas announced, and I sighed, grateful that the conversation had officially been diverted away from The Fight. Not like my body composition was a better topic by any means, but I’d take what I could get.

“Hello?” Mrs. Wheeler’s voice came through on the other end of the line. I’d forgotten that Mike shared a single landline with his family, insisting that our walkies were immortal. Spoiler alert: No, they were not; they eventually died permanently back in 1988, rest their souls. May their memory be for a blessing.

“Hey Mrs. Wheeler, it’s Lucas. How are you?”

“Oh, Lucas! I’m doing okay, sweetie, thank you for asking! How’s… UCLA, right?”

“You remembered! I'm busy all the time, but it’s going well, Mrs. W.,” Lucas grinned. Max rolled her eyes as she muttered a quiet, “Kiss ass.”

“Well, I’m sure you didn’t call here to talk to your friend’s mom, so I’ll get Mike for you. One second,” she chuckled to herself. There was a brief moment of silence, and then–

“MICHAEL!” Mrs. Wheeler’s screeching voice came through clear as a bell, and the rest of us had to hold in our laughter. “LUCAS IS ON THE PHONE!” She’d accidentally covered the wrong end of the receiver. We heard the low thump of footsteps down the stairs, a bit of shuffling as the phone changed hands, and a quiet thanks, mom before–

“Hello?”

And suddenly, I couldn’t feel a thing. Fuck.

“Mike!”

“It’s been ages, bro!”

 “Where have you been?”

“... Heeeyyy guys,” the all too familiar voice of Mike Wheeler came through the speaker, and I had to refrain from curling up on the floor and melting into a puddle of tears. I forgot how much I missed his voice. However, it sounded slightly hoarse, probably due to talking to the point of overuse, or having just woken up… at four in the afternoon? No, overuse sounded more reasonable; Mike had never been a quiet person. Shutting the fuck up simply wasn’t in his vocabulary.

“It’s good to hear you’re alive and well, man,” Lucas said.

I think I was the only one who made out the sarcasm-laced laugh on Mike’s end: “Hmmh… yeah. So… what’s up?”

“Your dick,” Matt’s voice offered up in my head. I shoved my boyfriend’s vulgar humor into the furthest corner of my mind, because the last thing I needed to think about right now was Mike’s dick. Not like I’d thought about it prior to this. Well… not very often.

“We’re hanging out at my place right now, and we wanted to see if you feel like making the trek across the vast expanse of our lawns to join us!” Lucas replied.

There was a moment of silence on Mike’s end, followed by a shaky exhale. “... Is he gonna be there?”

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows. “Who?”

“I think you know who I mean, Lucas.” I pointed at myself with a look that screamed I told you so, and Lucas’ eyes widened dramatically at the realization that I was, in fact, right. Mike wanted nothing to do with me.

“... Yeah,” he said in a low voice with a likeness to a confession, not once breaking eye contact with me. I was not going to be let out of this one easily.

“Yeah no, I’ll pass. Thanks, though.”

“Are you s—” Lucas began to protest.

“Bye, guys,” Mike cut him off before promptly hanging up, leaving everyone else’s jaws on the floor. And then… all eyes on me. Understandably.

“He’s been like this since August,” Dustin was the one to start talking. He looked rather accusatory as his eyes narrowed, and I felt my stomach fall out of my ass. “So… whatever you did must have really fucked him up.”

“Hey!” I put my hands up, “What makes you think I was the one who did something?!”

“Y-yeah,” Lucas added on, “like, maybe Mike did something to… I don’t know. Whatever happened between you two, though, it’s made him really distant. I think something is seriously wrong.” I suddenly felt the air in the Sinclairs’ living room run cold, and… looked up to see Max adjusting the thermostat. I would never get used to the concept of central air, even after having it in my own house for years.

“What do you mean?” El asked, her voice quiet.

“Okay, for instance, you know how Mike’s a talker?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Well, that Mike is gone, because phone conversations between us never make it past three and a half minutes,” Lucas said, his eyes trained on the floor as he spoke. “It’s all hey bro, how are you doing, good, good, how’s school, great, I’m busy actually, can I call you at some other point and we can catch up, yeah sure talk soon. The end. And then he never calls me back.”

“Yeah, he’s been short with me, too,” Dustin added. “And that’s saying something, because that man is a fucking skyscraper.”

“You must know something, Will,” Max said from where she stood, returning the focus of the conversation back onto me. Honestly, I was starting to get a bit frustrated. I’d obviously played a pretty large role in Mike’s downward spiral, and it was eating away at me with every new second that passed. But at the same time, I thought my friends would take the news of our falling out as a sign to not press me about him.

“I really don’t, actually,” I replied, “and I’m kind of confused as to why this is my problem.”

“Woah, Will, calm down, I didn’t mean to make you get defensive,” Max said, her eyes wide, probably surprised at my blatant apathy to the situation. “It’s just that you two were so close for years, and I thought… I thought maybe you were just trying to protect him, or something.”

That was fair. “Right,” I whispered, and closed my eyes for a moment. “I’m sorry for snapping. I’m just–” I opened my eyes back up, “I’m tired of talking about Mike. He’s not gonna change, so why are we still trying?” I was nervous for a moment that I’d pushed a bit too hard attempting to move on from the current conversation, but was relieved when everyone nodded in agreement.

“That’s a very good point,” Lucas said. “Let’s change the subject.”

“Yeah, let’s change the subject…” El trailed off, sending a mischievous smirk my way. “Will got a boyfriend.”

I was going to murder my sister. I knew she meant well, but… I was going to murder her.

“Boyfriend?!” everyone shouted at the same time, shock spreading like wildfire across their faces. I nodded, and then the questions started hitting.

“What’s his name?”

“Where’s he from?”

“What is he majoring in?”

“We need details, Byers! Details!”

“Matt Winters, yes, the initials are purely coincidental, Winston-Salem North Carolina, and he’s a senior material studies major.”

“And he treats you well?” Lucas asked, and I turned to face him, pulling my sketchbook closer to my chest.

“More than well,” I replied earnestly. “He’s… he’s incredible, honestly. He’s sweet, he’s talented, he’s affectionate, he’s out of the closet…” Unlike someone else I knew. But they didn’t have to know that.

I didn’t need to continue listing adjectives for much longer, because my friends’ previously unison bumbling split into two separate subconversations. I heard Lucas and Max bickering about how Lucas never said things like that about Max and it’s a wonder she hadn’t dumped his ass for the fourteenth time by now; Lucas rebutted with the fact that all their friends knew her already and therefore didn’t need Lucas to elaborate upon her best qualities. Dustin turned to El and nudged her with his elbow. She turned to him, giving her full attention as he muttered quietly, but not quiet enough to the point that I couldn’t overhear, “Mike’s gonna be pissed.” I watched my sister take in this information before she nodded with a tight grimace.

Mike’s gonna be pissed.

I let out a shaky breath I hadn’t been aware that I’d been holding, and looked down at my hands, which had somehow become fists in my lap. Mike’s gonna be pissed. But I was finally happy. I had Matt, and he was a better boyfriend than I could have ever asked for. Mike’s gonna be pissed. So what? He messed with my head, he deserved it. Mike’s gonna be pissed.

“Hey, um, I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back,” I said to no one in particular, and ignored everyone’s suddenly concerned voices as they faded into background noise. I closed the bathroom door a bit harder than necessary, and put a hand over my mouth as I began to hyperventilate. Mike’s gonna be pissed. Mike’s gonna be pissed. Mike’s gonna be pissed.

I leaned forward and vomited into the toilet.

I mounted my bike and knocked the kickstand up with my foot, leaning my weight onto the right pedal as I biked down the empty streets of Hawkins. It had been a long day at Melvald’s; I’d been tasked with running the store for the weekend on account of it being my parents’ wedding anniversary, and my dad had planned a surprise trip for my mom to Lake Superior. On any other occasion, it would have been fine. Working at Melvald’s wasn’t the problem, rather, it was my last week of working there before I left for college wherein lied the issue.

It was the day after The Fight. “Can you grab some coin rolls from the back, honey?” my mom had asked me from the counter. I nodded, put down the notebooks I’d been stocking, and headed to the supply closet, turning up the volume on my walkman as I went. The lyrics of Billy Squier’s “My Kinda Lover,” infiltrated my mind as I grabbed the coin rolls and walked back to the counter, where… oh no. Mike Wheeler was walking down the sidewalk in the direction of our store.

“Fuck,” I whispered to myself as I approached my mom. She looked up at me, her smile fading when she noticed the panic in my expression. “Mom?” I felt my voice waver, “Mom, hide me. Please.”

“What? Why–” she asked, but there was no time to explain. Mike was mere feet away from the door. He’d probably fucking seen me by now.

“Just do it,” I begged. “Please.” She thankfully didn’t press me any further and gestured for me to duck below the register. I did so as quickly as I possibly could, and held my breath as I waited for the little bell above the door to ring. And it did.

“Hey, Mike!” I heard my mom’s voice above me, and I lowered my head into my hands. What the hell was I even doing? Why was I such a coward? I couldn’t even face Mike, while he’d come all the way to my mom’s store, probably looking for—

“Hey Ms. Byers…” I heard Mike say, “Is Will here by any chance? I need to talk to him.” He definitely sounded like he hadn’t slept last night. I hadn’t, either. I couldn’t. Not with the feeling of Mike’s lips on mine existing for the sole purpose of haunting me. I wanted so badly to stand up, jump the counter, and pull Mike into me so hard that it would send us crashing to the floor so hard that we’d get permanent amnesia and therefore erase the horrors of the past twenty four hours from our memories.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie, he left a little while ago.”

I heard Mike sigh. “Is he headed home? Or–”

“I’m honestly not sure, he never tells me anything these days.”

“Well, when you see him next, can you…” His voice broke– and so did my heart. “Can you please tell him to call me?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Thank you. I hope you have a great rest of your day.”

“You… too,” my mom said slowly, and I heard the bell ring once more as Mike left the store. Out of nowhere, I felt my mom’s foot lightly kicking my shin, and I knew then that I was in trouble. I stood up to see her leaning against the counter with her arms crossed.

“What in the world happened that could possibly make you want to hide under a counter to avoid your best friend of thirteen years?”

“Listen, it’s complicated–”

“You love Mike!”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem, Mom!” I broke down then, my voice dissolving into quiet sobs. She pulled me down to her level and rubbed my back comfortingly, but I didn’t stop talking. “I love him. I love him so much it hurts. And I’d just come to terms with him not feeling the same, but yesterday, I found twenty six love letters to me that he’d written over the past two years– yeah, according to the letters, it turns out he’s apparently gay and in love with me, what the hell are the odds of that happening– and when I brought them to him asking for answers, he just kissed me.”

Mom pulled away then, her eyebrows furrowing across her forehead. “He kissed you?! Wow! Isn’t that a good th–”

“No!” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. “No, it’s not a good thing, because it isn’t true! He doesn’t love me. He just said he did, and he says a lot of things–”

“He was probably just scared, baby! Remember how nervous you were to come out to me and Dad? Besides, you know he hasn’t ever really been the best at expressing his feelings. He most likely wrote those letters because he was too afraid to tell you.”

I shrugged. “Yeah. Um, you’re probably right.”

This flashback, in combination with what I’d overheard the last time I hung out with the Party, had me so far gone into a mental breakdown that I thought I was going to explode. Mike’s gonna be pissed. Mike’s gonna be pissed. Mike’s gonna be pissed. I was distraught. I couldn’t go home like this without Jonathan and El asking me a thousand and one questions, so I decided to take a little detour to the park.

“We stealthily made it out of my window and down onto the ground without dying, and then we grabbed our bikes before making our great escape. We biked out into the night, wind whipping through our hair, and I just felt so free. And for a second, just a split second, I imagined what it would be like if we were together, and we were sneaking off to make out in the woods or something. That would be so romantic.”

I eventually reached the playground of my childhood. My eyes drifted to the swingset; it looked so small and rickety now, compared to how I used to imagine it as a castle when I was a kid. I sat down on one of the swings, getting used to the feel of the hard plastic pushing into my sides. My friends weren’t kidding. Long gone was the skinny kid I used to be; I really had built up more muscle than I knew what to do with. I took a deep breath and propelled myself off of the wood chips by my heels. As the cool wind blew through my hair, emotions ran high as it hit me that I had grown up.

“Hi, I’m Michael! Do you want to be my friend?” “Yes!” I felt a few stray tears escape my eyes, and pulled a hand off one of the chains to brush them away. I continued swinging for a few more minutes, hoping that it would calm me down, but I just got even sadder as time dragged on. I met Mike on these swings, I thought. We were best friends. I loved him. Now that we don’t talk… he’s just a ghost. I jumped off the swings and took a few seconds to reorient myself, glancing down at my shoes.

But then, I heard a faint rumbling across the pavement, and looked up from the ground to see a tall figure skateboarding down the sidewalk. Oh my god. It was Mike. Mike was here. Mike was… out of the house? Oh my god, Mike was skateboarding at night in my direction. I felt panic rise into my throat and suddenly felt the urge to throw up again. I had to hide. Fuck, I really had to hide, because Mike was getting closer and closer and I was in no condition to talk to him.

I dashed across the playground, trying my best to stay as quiet and as low to the ground as possible in order to not be seen. I managed to reach the metal slide and crouched behind it, raising my head the slightest bit upwards so I could see over the edge of it. Hawkins still hadn’t replaced that damn slide, even after all the times my friends and I had burnt our asses in the ninety degree summer heat throughout our elementary school days.

As Mike approached the playground, he skidded his skateboard to a stop and paused to look around, probably making sure he was the only one there. His head turned in my direction, and I prayed my reflexes were quick enough as I escaped his line of sight. They thankfully seemed to suffice as I heard the wheels of his board begin to roll once again. I peeked over the edge of the slide like the creep I was and watched Mike skate in circles around the basketball court. His long black hair was covered by a beanie, but was still long enough to flow gracefully behind him. God, he was beautiful. Just as beautiful as I remembered. I missed him. You know what? Screw it, I’m gonna talk to him, I thought. I’m going to make things right between us. Against my better judgment, I stood up and made my way over to Mike.

He caught a glimpse of me in his peripheral vision and had to do a double take before jumping off his board to walk over to me. We both watched it roll away and fall off the pavement and into the grass before turning back to each other.

“Will,” he was the first to speak. It felt like a whole century had passed since I’d last heard him say my name, and I’d forgotten how much I loved hearing it.

“Mike.” I looked up at Mike then, taking in the entirety of his appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes, and judging by his oily scalp, he looked like he hadn’t showered in days.

“How have you been?” he asked me. Typical Mike, I thought, always wondering how I’m doing. Then again, he was just asking a simple question found in most conversations, I was nothing special.

“I’m doing alright,” I replied, shoving my hands into my jean pockets. “How are you?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

He’s been like this since August, so… whatever you did must have really fucked him up.

“... Not particularly, no.”

We stood there for a few seconds in silence, unsure of what to say. I decided to speak first this time around. “So… how are things in Indy?”

Mike scoffed then, closing his eyes tightly in frustration. “You know, the least you can do is fucking apologize.” He was right; I’d left things on a horrible note, and had yet to mention anything about our fight.

“I know, Mike, I’m s–”

“No,” Mike cut me off, his gaze hardening. “You’re only sorry because I prompted it.”

“Says the one who expected me to just accept the fact that he was in love with me and not question his integrity after finding twenty six love letters in his bedroom.”

“You shouldn’t have read those.”

“You shouldn’t have left them out!”

“Well, I was a fucking dumbass, what else is new?”

“Well, so am I, then, because I had finally convinced myself that you didn’t love me, just for you to go and turn my whole world upside down!” Neither of us even noticed or reacted to the unintentional pun.

“I do love you, Will,” Mike’s voice softened as it always did, and he took a step closer to me as he spoke. “I do. What do I have to do to make you believe me?”

“Kiss me,” I replied. 

Mike groaned at that, rolling his eyes as he threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “What do you mean, kiss me? I did kiss you that day, and you–”

“But you only did it because I prompted it,” I shot Mike’s words right back at him, and he could only blink. “If you really love me, you’ll prove it to me by kissing me for real. No leading me on and letting me down. No goddamn love letters. Just… kiss me.”

He took a deep breath then, his eyes meeting mine once again and his expression turning into a determined resolve. “You want me to kiss you for real?” Mike whispered, closing the remaining distance between us. “I’ll show you real.”

The sound of Mike’s skateboard violently smacking against the pavement brought me back to reality. I was still hidden behind the slide. I ran my hands over my face, rubbing my fingertips against the corners of my eyes. I was so exhausted that my imagination had gone off the rails.

I needed to go get some sleep. But Mike was in the way of my route home, and I was not prepared to pass him on my bike just to get stopped and forced to have an awkward, real-life encounter with him. What if I just… took the next street over? I thought to myself. That could work. But… where did I leave my… bike. My bike rested on its side against the swingset, clear on the other side of the park. I’d forgotten how far I��d wandered away from it, and wondered briefly how Mike couldn’t have seen it yet. I glanced back over to the basketball court at… Mike. Who wasn’t there.

“You stalking me, Byers?” I heard from above me, and even though my mind had deducted that that he had spotted me behind the slide, my heart still jumped at the sight of Mike looming over me. I stood up, brushing the accumulated woodchips off my knees from kneeling.

“You caught me, Wheeler,” I chuckled, and Mike smiled back.

“How have you been?” he asked me. Typical Mike, I thought, always wondering how I’m doing. Then again, he was just asking a simple question found in most conversations, I was nothing special.

“I’m doing alright,” I replied, shoving my hands into my jean pockets. “How are you?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

He’s been like this since August, so… whatever you did must have really fucked him up.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, rocking back and forth on my feet a few times. “All of this is my fault. It’s my fault you’re like this.”

“Yeah. It kind of is.”

“I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. If I hadn’t, then maybe all of this could have been…” I faltered, and Mike shook his head.

“There was no avoiding it, Will,” he said. “I went about it all wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I should have taken the time to explain to you–”

“But you did explain, that’s the thing,” I said. “I was just too caught up in my own anger and confusion to notice–”

“I don’t blame you for being angry and confused,” Mike told me, and I looked up to notice tears welling up in his eyes. “I was angry and confused at myself for my inability to tell you the truth about how I felt. It scared the shit out of me.”

I couldn’t help but reach up then, resting my hand against his cheek and swiping the tears away. He let out a small sniffle and lifted his eyes from the ground to meet mine. They say that the eyes are windows to the soul; the pain in his eyes sent me right back to that day of our mutual heartbreak, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I lifted my other hand to hold the other side of his face, and ran my thumbs over his cheeks once more before I—

Heard someone yell, “Ow, fuck!” knocking me out of my daze of delusion once again. I looked up and saw that Mike had fallen off his board, and was laying on the pavement on his back, unmoving. For a moment, I feared that he’d knocked himself out, but relief flooded my body when I saw him reach his hands up to his head and run his fingers through his hair with a groan. He didn’t get up, though, so I hesitantly rose from my position on the ground and approached Mike slowly. He noticed my shadow and whipped his head in my direction, eyes wide. He looked stupified, unable to find the words to say to me. Not like I could have done any better.

I knelt down next to him, and couldn’t help it when my breath hitched. Mike looked gorgeous from this angle, in the moonlight, below me. I felt something primal within myself awaken, letting a low noise escape my throat as I let my body take over. I crawled a bit closer to Mike, reading his expression for any stop signs. And then… I pounced.

A shiver went down my spine, shaking me out of my hopefully last scenario.  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but my knees were starting to hurt from crouching behind the slide. I pulled my hands off the rail of the slide to rub my freezing cold palms together.

“Goddamnit!” Mike shouted at the night sky, which had turned a light grey with the snow that had begun to fall over the park. I blinked a few stray snowflakes out of my eyes and pulled my hood up, preparing to sprint across the park, grab my bike, and go. All the cardio training I’d done over the past semester had to have been done for a purpose. And this was it.

I took a few deep breaths, about to make a run for it, when I heard a high pitched whine come from the direction of the basketball court. I took one last glance over to Mike, who was reaching into his pocket and pulling out… was that a flask? My suspicions were confirmed when he unscrewed the top and tipped his head all the way back as he proceeded to chug the whole thing in a few seconds. Oh god.

He’s been like this since August, so… whatever you did must have really fucked him up.

-

previous part • next part

homepage

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 32

chapter 51:

1. remus misses sirius and honestly they can make a person feel so fucking single, jesus christ

2. i like how remus is like “reg is james’…. boyfreind????? fiancé????? it would feel too disrespectful to ask atp”

3. “You can love Regulus, or anyone, so much you break the fucking scale, but…some people just don't know how to love themselves, and they have to learn that.” FUCKING PREACH REMUS

4. god, james is talking about how regulus thinks he doesn’t know how to love, when in reality, he loves so hard that he’s willing to die. and AHHHHH

5. 🧍🏻evan jumpscare

6. remus and james friendship >>>>>>>>>>>>

7. petition to reunite lily and remus

8. “Without a word of warning, [Pandora] brings Remus' hand to her mouth to press a quick, gentle kiss to the back of his fingers, then does the same thing to James. Remus feels his ears go hot, because he knows what that means, a Hallow gesture for deep admiration. No ones ever done that to him before, so he's a bit flustered by it, admittedly”

AWWWWW

9. “James, in love with a death eater. Who would have thought?” reading this line feels like such a jump scare. i’m the image of one of those really scared cats where their hair and tail is spiky

10. i’m honestly hoping that everyone can just make it to lily’s rescue. like plsss nobody else die. i love you all

11. “Sirius is currently complaining about the fact that he can't see the moon at night, tipping his head back and boldly requesting McGonagall personally to hang it in the sky just for him.” LMAOOO SIRIUS YOURE SO FUNNY AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT

12. “”He's my best friend," Sirius announces slowly, like Regulus is an idiot who can't understand basic concepts.

Regulus arches an eyebrow. "He's my fiancé."”

LMAOOO THIS IS SO FUNNY reg just took the words fiancé and fucking RAN with it

13. AWWW i love how excited sirius is for reg that he’s engaged to james!! he loves his brother so much!!

14. “Regulus huffs and rolls his eyes to the sky, literally begging for patience. "I said: would you marry me? He said: yes. Very simple. Asked, answered, engaged."

"You—" Sirius abruptly starts giggling, and Regulus stares at him blankly. "Oh, Regulus. Regulus. That's not—it's—okay, so you do realize that agreeing that you would get married is not the same as agreeing to get married, yeah?"

"No, I'm pretty sure they're the same," Regulus replies.”

i’m CACKLING

15. “Regulus bursts out. "I want you to keep being an idiot until you're old and ugly, and I want you to come to my fucking wedding!"” ☺️☺️ siblings

16. “"First of all, I would be old and beautiful," Sirius states firmly, holding up a finger. "I am going to be sexy until the day I die, even if I could live until a hundred. Second of all, I will be at the wedding. In spirit. Have it at night under my star. Or just—I don't know, slap a picture of me on a chair and—"”

😭😭😭 he knows he’s gonna be a hot old man. me also like, he’s so funny plss i love him

17. “Did [James] know he was engaged prior to Regulus announcing it when he sent the bagel? No. Is he going to protest it? Also no.” 😭😭

18. 😦😦 they were just talking about weddings and now reg is probably about to drown via crimson river. FUCK THIS

19. “People are born to live, and destined to die. Regulus doesn't care about destiny.” godDAMN

20. sirius helped him climb out with rope. they’re safe. it’s all good. i KNOW he has a pov but i was still so worried for him

21. 😧 my dear. flipping off the sky will NOT help you survive longer. they will just try to kill you more painfully.

22. 😭😭 not zar saying this was a lighter chapter cause he’s comparing it to the previous one. babes. reg’s worst nightmare just occurred again 😭😭

[calculatingodairs]

Messy hair

In which your boyfriend is just downright beautiful.

Or

Drew has messy hair, and you can't help but admire him a little more.

There was nothing that you loved more than Drews messy hair. The way he could have just rolled out of bed and still look absolutely mesmerizing.

Even he knows how good he looks, not caring to do his hair before his zoom interview over his show Outer Banks. You were slightly jealous of all these people getting to see it.

His hair was something sent by god. All of him was, he was so perfect in every way that it was almost not fair. You get so lost into thinking about his hair that you don't notice that he had finished his interview.

"Baby? You ok? Seems like you're thinking real hard over there." The voice of said boyfriend takes you from your thoughts and you smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He walks over to you, hugging you and hiding his head in your neck. "What were you thinkin about?" You take a second to decide on if you wanted to tell him or let him guess.

"Just about how good you look, even with messy hair." You feel him smile. "You know what else makes my hair look good?" You hum a response.

"Your hands pulling it." You slightly gasp before removing yourself from his arms and smacking him. "Drew Starkey!" He just laughs and reaches for you again.

"What? I'm not wrong am I?" You take a second to respond before smiling and responding. "No, I guess you aren't wrong." Oh how deeply you loved your perfect boyfriend.

[kinkilesbo]

My adorable little doll... death is not the end. No, death is the beginning. And if I ever died, that wouldn't be the end for us.

I meant it when I said forever.

A week passes after my death, and, of course, you are devestated.

I hate seeing you so sad...

I'm still here, baby. Can't you see me?

It was hard to get used to... Well, being dead, I suppose. Some people would call me a ghost, but I felt like pure charged energy.

It was hard to move or talk, but at some point I got better at manifesting myself, moving things...

Physically touching other beings.

It was dark, and you were sobbing softly in your bed. Mourning over the loss of me.

"Why are you crying?" I ask, knowing you can't hear me. "Why don't you know I am here with you?"

The moment my hand touched your shoulder was the moment you jolted and swiped at yourself. Probably thinking it was a spider or something similar.

I wanted to let you know I was still here. That I wasn't gone like you thought.

I had to regain my strength. Everything was so much harder to do while I was dead. But soon you were asleep and I again touched you.

I carressed your cheek, and instantly you started to stir awake.

"Angel?"

I was shocked when I heard your beautiful voice mumur this. I instantly got excited.

Oh my god. Yes. Yes! It's me!

I floated atop of you, and my cold hands started to roam all over your body. When you opened your eyes, a slight alert went through your mind. You saw nobody on top of you. You thought, wait, no one is there?? You probably thought you were going crazy, or that you were making it up.

But I don't think you could make up the fact that something was spreading your legs apart.

I leaned in as I started applying pressure on your clit, I used as much energy as I could to whisper in your ear, "It's me, love. Just relax."

You must have heard it, because your eyes widnened as you strugggled to stiffle a moan.

"Wh-what the fuck is happening. Is.. is it really you?" After a couple of minutes of me touching you, now slowly starting to penetrate you with my fingers, (which you didn't believe could even happen) you started to give in to my touch, hanging your head back as you were moaning.

You sound so beautiful, darling.

And when I finally heard you start to scream out my name... Thats when I knew you knew it was me.

I'm yours forever.

You can't escape me, even in death.

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Admire

From this list, "I have always admired you" featuring Rolan and a half-elf wild magic sorcerer named Amelie. Mostly SFW.

"I have always admired you."

“I-I beg your pardon?” Amelie stuttered as she stared at Rolan. With his asshole master defeated, he was free. And soon Astarion will be too. Once Shadowheart checked her over, she rushed to Rolan, who was lamenting the state of his robes.

Then he saw her and said that.

“Your, erm, magical prowess is something to behold.” He was trying (and failing quite badly)not to smile. “As is your grace and your—”

“Please forgive the interruption,” Shadowheart said tersely. “But we need to get Halsin back to camp. He took a beating.”

Amelie’s golden gaze shifted from Rolan to the druid, who was leaning against Gale for support. “Rolan, I can return later if that’s alright, so we could continue our discussion?” Don’t be too eager. Who knows---he may just only be interested in my magic like Gale. Like most wizards are.

“Yes. It gives me time to clean up.” He laughed nervously. “All this horrific mess about. Can’t have that for you, my lady.”

“You don’t have to call me that.” She chastised softly, bowing her head in his direction. “Amelie…please.” I had to tell my companions the truth about me, but then it got out to everyone at the enclave and then at Last Light. And Rolan stopped calling me by my name. Always “my lady” or “her ladyship” or “that damned woman.” I much prefer the last one, of course.

“As you wish, my…Amelie.” His eyes widened. “I mean, you’re not my Amelie—”

“My friend, perhaps you can continue this rather adorable conversation later?” Gale said with a tight smile as his eyes darted towards the barely conscious Halsin. Oh dear, his knees…

With a “bye” that sounded more like a squeak, Amalie scurried back to her companions and Myrmidons and left.

Once they were gone, Rolan exhaled sharply and leaned on a railing for support. “Later. She will return later…”

***

When she did, in fact, return later, he was elated. He ushered her into a swirling purple portal in the shop. “This, my dear, is a private entrance to the master of tower’s residence. Ladies first.”

She could feel the heat from his hand as he barely touched her through her corset top and shawl. The heat is rising elsewhere too. Good gods. “Thank you.” That’s it?! Thank you?! You can do so much better, come on. Exiting the portal, the heat that began on her cheeks traveled towards her chest. “Oh wow, this is lovely.” The main living area for the tower’s master was impressive---high ceilings and windows allowing in much sunlight during the day but at night moonlight and candlelight illuminated the space.

He guided her to a large sofa. “Please, make yourself at home. Would you like some wine? Something to eat? I can—”

Oh my gods, he’s so adorable. “I’m good.” He sat stiffly next to her, hands on his lap. Be brave and break that ice. “Rolan, when you said you’ve always admired me, what exactly did you mean?”

“Exactly that!” He snapped then his expression contorted into one of regret. “I’m sorry. I…You see, it is exactly as I meant---I have admired you since we first met. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, whose magic is as wild and free as her very soul is. Whose bravery saved not simply my life but my siblings’ lives.” His voice broke a little when he mentioned Cal and Lia. “Everyone’s lives if I’m being truthful. You are incredible. How could I not fall in love with you?”

Did he just—

Oh shit, I think he did!

“Forgive me, but I couldn’t delay a moment longer. Not after today.” His yellow eyes bore not simply into her eyes but seemingly my soul. Oh gods. He does like me. No. He loves me. I didn’t think anyone would ever… “My la—Amelie, please say something.” He chuckled nervously. “I beg of you.”

What does Nadia say? Be bold and brave in love? Sure, I’ll do that. She shifted to face him and cupped his cheeks, whispering, “I love you too, even though I thought you hated me sometimes.” She laughed a little but then stopped when she saw him frowning.

“Never, my love. Infuriatingly frustrated with you? Absolutely. Infinitely irritated at your stubbornness? Frightened for you? Every moment of every day. But I have never, not even at most frustrated and angry, never hated you. I could never hate you.” He too shifted to face her, his trembling hands settling on her ample waist. “Gods, you feel magnificent…”

Alright, I suppose I need to tell him to kiss me already or I’ll do it. Hmmm… As she brushed the knuckles of one hand along his cheekbone and being mindful of the bruises (it felt amazing to fry that bastard), she chuckled. “Rolan love? Kiss me please?” Amelie said as sweetly as possible and tried not to laugh.

What she expected was Rolan to kiss her right then and there.

What actually happened was Rolan’s lips crashing against hers. His hands pulling her forwards while he went backwards, head hitting the cushions.

HOLY HELLS! Lifting her head, she laughed. “Rolan! Oh gods, what was that?”

He huffed, rolling his eyes. “I determined it was the right thing to do, so I did it. Unless it was,” he swallowed and bit his lower lip. “Unwanted.”

“No, no. It’s okay. It’s very much wanted, though I’m probably crushing you a bit.” She moved to push herself up, but he wrapped his arms around her tightly. Did he just whimper? Awww, that is so sweet!

“Please, my love. Don’t deny me this. I’ve dreamt of it for so long.” One of his hands found her soft hip and caressed it. “Get comfortable, darling.”

Amelie’s lips touched his briefly and then she sat up. “If I want to get comfortable, maybe we should move it upstairs? And maybe get me out of this bloody corset?” She giggled. “So fucking uncomfortable.”

Rolan was on his feet in moments and took her hand with another eyeroll. “Then why did you wear it, my dear?”

“Because it makes my breasts look amazing, my love.” She said in a playful tone, squeezing his hand. Must make the girls look excellent at all times. Well, when I can. It’s been hard on the road.

“Bloody minx,” he grumbled, guiding her upstairs to his bedroom. “Whatever am I going to do with you?”

As he opened the door, she teased him right on back! Because I’m fairly sure he gets off on it. He must, right? “You could tell me how thoughtful I was to wear this for you.”

He ushered her inside and closed the door quickly. “F-for me? You wore that for me? But I’ve seen you wear it dozens of times—”

Okay, that’s enough for now. Remember, it’s been a long day for us both. She took his waving hands in hers. “Yes, tonight I wore this for you.” She wrinkled her nose and grinned. “I wanted to…show off a bit.”

“While I appreciate the gesture,” he murmured, moving to stand mere inches from her. “Please don’t feel the need to make such an effort, darling.” Rolan removed her shawl and tossed it on a dresser, and then he began to undo her laces. “You are perfect as you are…well, minus the tadpole of course.” They both chuckled, which to her, made him relax.

“Thank goodness for that. Here I was thinking he might find the tadpole thing attractive.” Her hands settled on his waist, and she noticed for the first time that he was not wearing his usual wizarding robes. Loose dark cotton trousers. Equally loose white top. Long sleeves. I wonder what’s under there. “Love, do you mind if I…” She trailed off as her hands slowly went under his shirt, her fingertips barely brushing against his skin.

He inhaled sharply but maintained his concentration as he undid her laces. “Amelie, my love, you may do whatever you like, but please keep in mind my infernal heritage. I am not…I have ridges. Some very sharp in places. I am not,” he paused as he pulled off her top, his yellow eyes filled with adoration. “Soft and smooth as you are, darling.” He ran his hands up and down her plush sides, and she swore she heard him purr. “I am the luckiest man on Toril.”

“Let me see you. Please, love. Please.” She begged sweetly. The only way I know how to beg.

With a huff, Rolan acted like it was a crime that he had to stop touching her in order to remove his shirt. “My dear lady, I—”

She silenced him with a kiss, her hands going up and down his back. Want to feel every ridge. All of them. All of him. “Fucking hells, Rolan!” Her hands traveled to his toned chest and shoulders. “You’re hiding this under your robes?!”

“I take great pride in honing both my mind and body.” He smirked, reaching for the waistband of her leggings. What Astarion tried to make into leggings. Nothing on this bloody adventure fits me. “Perhaps I could show you…?”

Then, the day finally caught up to her and a wave of fatigue washed over her. She smiled softly. “I’d like that. I really would, but um, I…it’s been a long day, love.”

He closed his eyes and nodded several times. Letting go of her, he opened his eyes again and glanced around the room. “Sorry, trying to see if there’s a shirt or something you can wear. That is if you wish to stay of course. I wouldn’t presume…”

Amelie hugged him from behind and rested her head on one of his shoulders. “I’d love to stay the night. Just nothing more than cuddling if that’s okay. And if you can’t find anything, that’s okay too. I can just sleep topless and take my leggings off.” Hold on a minute. You’ve confessed your love to Rolan---one of the most tightly wound people you’ve ever met---and you want to cuddle and sleep next to him practically naked. “I mean—”

Turning his head, his lips touched hers in a soft kiss. “That sounds lovely, and in a show of support for my beautiful lady, I’ll keep the underwear on…tonight. I cannot promise any other nights, my sweet.” He teased and moved to face her. One hand took a handful of her behind, claws digging in slightly while the other caressed her flushed cheek. After a few moments, he awkwardly but so adorably stepped back and stepped out of his trousers. “Once again, please keep in mind…you know.”

Oh I will absolutely keep it in mind, love. Yup. I will do that. Opting not to tease this time, she pulled down her leggings. “You’re beautiful, love. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Hard. On. Oh fuck me. “I think it’s really sexy.” I’m not sure that was any better. One more time. “It’s part of who you are, and I love it. I love you.” Much better! Fumbling with the leggings, she got them off without falling over. Yay! After she let down her dark ginger hair from her usual double buns (and he fucking gasped seeing my hair down),she and Rolan then lay down in bed, and he pulled the covers over them both. Amelie snuggled into his side while he wrapped an arm around her broad shoulders. His tail, to her pleasant surprise, curled around her hip with the tip resting on a thigh. “This is nice,” she whispered, reaching for his other hand. “And I don’t mind the ridges, by the way.” She teased softly.

“Bah, you love everything about me that I detest. Whatever am I going to do with you, Amelie?”

Closing her eyes, she grinned. “Mia.”

Rolan tensed slightly, his tone confused. “Mia?”

“That’s what my family and best friend call me. I think you’ve earned the right since you’re my beloved. Wouldn’t you agree?” She could hear another cute whine come out of him as he squeezed her hand.

“Hm, yes. I quite agree. Yes.” The hand on her shoulder threaded some of her hair through his clawed fingers. “Mia. My Mia.” Then his voice lowered. “Am I yours?”

“You are all mine, Rolan. For as long as you wish.” There’s that purr again!

“I wish it for the rest of my days.” He said haughtily but then he felt his features soften. “Only if that’s amenable to you, dearest.”

Giggling, she pressed a kiss to his chest. “Sounds good to me, love…” Amelie was lulled to sleep by his purring and breathing. He feels so nice. I should tell him…tomorrow…

[snoopsnoop07]

TIMESKIP OSAMU MIYA X GOJO X INO X READER

By Sophie, Phoenix and mai😈😈 (English ain’t my first language btw - Phoenix)

SMUT TO ANGST

DON'T READ IF UR SAD😨😨😭😭 No miners allowed😡 or ur going to get it lil bro, you’ll become the sussy imposter from among us.👿👿

It was a beautiful sunny morning I thought as I looked out my apartment window. Today was the day my glorious king skibidi bae Ino Takuma comes back from work. I sighed and looked at a picture of him that was sitting on my desk. Ugh he looks so fine in the photo. (What The photo looks like)

Ima go 𝓫𝓸𝓷𝓴𝓮𝓻𝓼 if I don't see my lil kitten soon I thought to myself. I get my ford f150 ready and start to drive to his workplace. While I was hitting the road there was an enormous gigantic car that looked like a cyclops that was a big back. It comes to me at full light speed and it crashes into me. Our car rolls up and down and left and right and it starts to float. Out of curiosity I open my door but then I slip and fall. I start to fall down quick as my body sways like an inflatable, I almost sharted myself until someone snatched me. My eyes were closed in fear but I heard something in the distance… ~now, now daddy's home darling~ no need to fret lil one” I open my eyes and I’m met with bright and luminous blinding blue eyes. I couldn't even tell it was blue because of how bright it was. It could almost make the whole city shine “shine bright like a diamond!!!” *the man covers ur eyes* “guessss whoooo” “Omg!!! It's Satoru Gojo!!!!” I smile and tears of happiness fall off my face “you crying?” He smirks. “O-omg gojo!!! Have you seen my bf???” I stammered. “No sussy Neko Chan!! We can go look for him though!!!” gojo said while smiling really goofy while sticking out his tongue REALLY wide while widening his eyes like a psycho ”

“First you gotta come back with me to my apartment and ur sussy bf will be there waiting 😈😈 we’re gonna give u the most devious little surprise” Gojo says smirking devilishly

Fast forward to gojos apartment

“It’s freaky time 😈😈😈😈” Gojo says as he slowly teasingly takes off his top. “G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-gojo San!!!! Nani are you doing?!?!” I exclaim. Suddenly, Osamu miya and Ino walk in!!! I blush and suddenly all my clothes start to grow wings and fly away. “Come here bbg” Osamu said while winking and licking his lips. “Let me ask you something…. You know where the place nonia is?” “w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what is nonia?” I nervously stammer. "NONIA OF UR BUSINESS HAHAHAHAH” Ino laughs while laughing."ughhhhhhhhh that's not DATEBAYO ino🤬🤬🤬'' I growl “stop not being fanum tax baby gronk rizzler ino. Now let’s get freaky” gojo mentions and suddenly he whips it out like BOING BOING BOING and OH MY GOD??!!!! IT'S BOUNCING ON THE WALLS???? I then spread my legs apart “pls fill me up with the power of friendship and pls make me a sussy baka Ohio sigma skibidi baby gronk fanum tax grimace shake 10000 level gyat” I shake and bounce my ass for them “let me ask you Y/N…. Are you naughty? Or nice?..” Ino whispers in my ear

“because either way… we are about to give you the most devious backshots' ' Osamu mentions as he grimaces and oils me up. Gojo lifts me up and lays me down on the mattress “don’t worry… we’ll take real good care of you” Gojo says with an evil grin as he smacks my ass so hard it leaves a skibidi red hand print! Gojo then whips out his ohio grimace cock and shoves it in me. “ owchies!!! That’s going to leave a mark!!” Gojo starts to thrust at the speed of Phoenix slurping a grimace shake XD. “NUGHHHHHHHHH, YOUR TIGHTER THAN THE IMPOSTER FROM AMONG US NUHHHHHGGGGGGGGG '' gojo screams. “G-g-g-gojo senpai i'm going to bust😩😩” I said “BUST FOR ME MY LITTLE KITTEN WHISKERS NOWWWW, UGHHH, UR SO SKIBITI AND SIGMA'' gojo yells. Then gojo came. I lay on the bed breathing heavily but then I hear, “my turnnnnnn~” I look up and I see Ino my glorious pookie wookie dookie! “Uh ohhhh” I say

69 ohio Gyatt rizzler minutes later

We are all worked up, oiled up, and resting with each other on bed while making all the place wet. Until we hear a loud BOOM outside. It was a big radioactive explosion!!’

WARNING ANGST ALERT!!!! Do not read if emotional😞😞🙁🙁🙁🙁 PS. You might develop depression if you read this….

“G-g-g-g-g-g-guys… I’m scared…” I stutter “don’t worry dookie pookie… it will be us against the world” Osamu holds my hand “Y/N… we will meet in the next life” Ino whispers in my ear. I blush so much I look like a rotten tomato “Y/N… arigato.. sayonara~” Gojo smiles at me with his rotten Victorian child teeth. The radioactive bomb explodes our place and us and ends up disintegrating into bits of dust… just like Freddy Mercury (lead singer of Queen, y’all should know this🤬🤬) sang…. Another one…. Bites the dust…

THE END!! THANKS FOR READING AND STAY #POGGERS #WAP #LIVELAUGLOVE

[shittywriterbrain]

apologies to everyone who has to interact with me today or tomorrow because i just CANNOT be normal about hamlet and i WILL be doing this inside my head

[lxnarphase]

ah-ah, barbie, you're so fine! ๋࣭ ⭑

special treatment : thighs edition

☾₊‧⁺...ft. : kamo choso + itadori yuuji + higuruma hiromi + ryomen sukuna

☾₊‧⁺...cw : pussy eating, facesitting, somnophilia, dirty talk, fingerfucking, overstimulation, praise kink, degradation, desperation, oral fixation, squirting, creampie, choso being whiny, yuuji being a little shit, yuuji is 21yrs & a college student, hiromi being pussydrunk, sukuna being whipped

✧ k. choso : poor choso, ever since the first time he's gotten a taste of what's between your thighs, he's begging you every day just to eat your cunt. but today? today must be a bad day, because choso is desperate. his already between your thighs, whimpering and whining as he mouths at you through your underwear, tears in his eyes as he begs you to give him a little taste. once you do, his eyes are rolling back just from the first lick.

"you taste so good, fuck, so good, thank you, thank you, mmph, so delicious, i can't get enough." "can you cum again? i know it's been 4 times already, but please? please, please, pleaase, pretty thing, i need itttt..." "oh my goddd, you're cumming? yes, yes, cum on my tongue, pretty please, i'll fuck you so good after, just keep cumming, don't hold back." "stop-stop running away, i know your pretty pussy is all sensitive b-but i just, i can't stop...but you know you can say the safeword and i'll stop, right? ...what? you-you like being overstimulated...? fuck, fuck, okay, let me make you squirt on my tongue then i'll fuck you good, okay?"

✧ i. yuuji : yuuji's always been a smug little shit whenever it came to teasing you. what starts off with him tickling you and blowing raspberries into your stomach turns nto hot kisses against your stomach that let down to the waistband of your underwear as he pushes your shirt up higher on your body. he can't help but grin up at you when he notices the wet spot on your panties from his little kisses.

"d'awww, bunny, y'so cute! look at how wet you are. is that 'cus of me? ehehe, i know, i know, teasing is mean, but i can't help it...you're just so adorable." "y'know i can practically feel your heartbeat whenever i kiss it? mhm, i can feel that, pretty girl. don't cover your face, baby, you're so cute!" "your thighs are so soft. i could stay between here forever, fuck goin' to classes or missions, i'd rather just eat you out until you pass out." "open up these legs a little more, let me get my fingers in there...thereeee we go, such a pretty lil' bun, aren't you?" "you're so messy! did i do this to you? yeah? aww, my pretty girl likes meee! i felt how you squeezed on my fingers! so cute!

✧ h. hiromi : ever since you made a comment about his nose, saying 'doja is right about big noses' in passing to him, hiromi has been curious. curious enough to the point where he looks it up, seeing the video of said woman. so, you wanted to sit on his face and grind on his nose, hm? you've never sat on his face before but he was sure to change that.

"i don't care if you think i'll die, i want you to sit on my face. i'm giving you the chance to either have control of your pace or let me do what i want with you. so, what's your decision?" "see? it's not that bad, angel, you forget your husband isn't some weakling...now c'mon on, get yourself right over my mouth, let me taste you." "god, you're so beautiful like this. i need you on my face more often, you're dripping all over my mouth...such a good girl for me." "heh...i knew you said my nose was perfect for sitting on but i didn't realize it would get you this riled up. go ahead, sweet thing, you can keep grinding that clit on it...just like that, just let me make you feel good." "good lord, i never wanna leave between your thighs. so fucking sweet, shit, angel, you've got me wrapped around that pretty finger. c'mon, let me devour you all night, i'll let you get up when i'm done."

✧ r. sukuna : getting sukuna to lay on his back without him instantly taking control of the situation was easier than you thought. hell, even crawling up higher so that you were hovering over his face was too. but little did you know, sukuna was intrigued, liking the side of you where you would just take control of him, knowing that only you had the right to do that...especially if it meant he got to eat you until you soaked his face.

"you know i should kill you for thinking you can just sit on my face like i'm some kind of personal chair. i am the king of curses, not a piece of furniture...what? ...hm. i guess you do look...good over me like this." "...huh? sorry, i wasn't listening. when are you going to sit on my face? you keep blabbering, but i can see the way that sticky cunt is dripping for me. are you gonna just let it go to waste?" "oh. shit. you've been holdin' out on me, haven't you, diamond? shit, i can see all of you from down here...nah, keep grinding on my face, little one, use me for your pleasure...let me see you cum on my mouth." "such a fucking slut. my mouth is coated in your cum, but you still wanna keep going? my tongue that good for you?" "no, no, i'm not letting you back down until you beg, diamond. tell me how badly you want me to fuck your pussy with my tongue...hm. good enough."

all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter this work

[adanfore]

Something about virgin Choso fucks me up in the head oh my god.

He acts tough. Every time he’s around you, talking to Yuuji, his brothers, he puts on a show as though nothing in the world matters, he’s always calm, layed back. Talking to him, you always got so nervous when he stared you down every time without a care in the world it seems, to you it looked like talking to anyone for him was easy as a breeze of wind, you kind of wished you were like that, like Choso. That also was half of why you were attracted to the man. The other half, well, self explanatory: he was great with his brothers, he was attractive in his own damn way which made your knees weak every time you saw him.

You hadn’t expected him to be a virgin, and a whiney one at that. When you had walked past the bathroom to the kitchen, you heard him in

the bathroom, he was masturbating.. Were you eavesdropping? Yes, but you couldn’t hold yourself from listening in to his beautiful cries of pleasure, whimpering, pleading for some reason, those pretty moans and whines turned you on more than you imagined. Well, the worst part came when you had not realized he was done already, you only realized when he opened the door and stood there, shocked, embarrassement flood over you and you just ran back to the guest bedroom.

If it only wasn’t for you getting carried away, this wouldn’t be happening right now, you and Choso sitting on the sofa, akwardly waiting for Yuuji to come back from the kitchen so the atmosphere turns nice again. You can feel Choso sneaking glances at you, fidgeting with the black silver rings on his fingers. Not wanting to have this continue for any longer, you decided you’d speak up.

“Listen, I’m sorry for yesterday, I just.. uh..”

You couldnt find a explanation for yourself.

“N-No, It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have.. Uhm, I shouldn’t have done it in the bathroom.”

“But I was eavesdropping on you, I need to apologize for that. I just couldn’t help but get carried away from… Shock!”

And as Choso was about to answer, Yuuji suddenly came into the room, having only heard muffles of your conversation.

“Yo, what’re you guys talking about?”

With a panic, you blurt whatever comes to mind.

“ Oh! I was just telling Choso that I’ll be helping him later.”

“Helping him with what?”

“Just washing the dishes, just to repay him for yesterday, I hit him after he scared me in the dark at night!

Yuuji seems content with that answer, and sits between you two. You couldn’t help but notice how Choso looked at you after you said you’ll help him later, eyes a little wide, a deep red spreading on his cheeks. He didn’t know whether to take it seriously or not, well, you were just making an excuse, but still, a gesture like that would blow his mind completely.

After the movie marathon, you both HAD to go wash the dishes, to play some truth into your silly excuse you gave to Yuuji, it was akward, very akward washing dishes with him. But you got to see Choso, the real him, how he was all fidgety, getting clumsy and blushing as hard as a cherry.

“Was it true..? What you said earlier?”

“What are you talking about, Choso?”

“H-How you said you’d help me later..”

“I am helping you thoug- Oh, you mean that?”

You said as the realization hit you, he was hard, and it was all because of your choice of words.

“I-I’m sorry, I am just gonna go, real sorry for thi-“

“N-No, Choso! I- I can help you, if you want me to?”

The sigh Choso gave out was huge.

“Please…”

That was all you needed to hear, proceeding to drag him up to his room at the back of the hall, the location of his room, being secluded and far away from any other room made you so grateful.

You sat him on the edge of his bed, leaning down to massage his thighs.

“How do you want me to help you, Choso?”

Hearing his name come out of your pretty lips always made him want to hold back smashing his face into yours, but now, he was just confused, he didn’t know what would be the most ‘appropriate’ thing to ask. All he wanted now, was to ruin you, to make you his, kiss you, feel and touch you everywhere he had ever dreamed of.

“I.. I don’t know, just- just touch me, do whatever, please..”

When you heard that, you immediately knew that he was a virgin, to your shock infact. Not wanting to torture this poor man any longer, you stopped massaging his thighs for a moment and told him to slide his sweatpants down, all the while looking at the wet spot of precum left on them.

You looked at his length for a second, before actually bringing your hand up to it, to rub and feel it to all of its size, he was huge, possibly the biggest you’ve ever had in a partner. It blew your mind and you wondered how it would feel inside you, how it would fill all of your insides, but, right now it was all about Choso’s pleasure which needed to be fixed.

The pool of precum doubled in size as you continued rubbing it, deciding to finally free it from his boxers, Choso moaned when it sprang up and hit his stomach. That made you look up at him, needing to hear more of his sounds, he looked back at you with a pleading look on his face which just said “please, touch me already”

You grabbed his length with your hand and started stroking it, slowly at first, picking up speed with some time. The moans, whines and whimpers this man put out were sent straight to your core.

“Please, Please, please, go faster, please, I’m gonna cum, Y/N, please!”

That motivated you to pick up speed, also to tighten your grip on his length to up the pleasure for him. His moans were getting out of control until you looked up at him with a strict look, telling him to be quiet. With that sense of dominance, he came all over, all over your hand, his stomach and thighs. His chest heaving, some small moans still coming out as he came down from his high.

You brought your hand up to your mouth, licking your hand and tasting Him before you began to walk out of his room, off to finish yourself off.

“W-Wait, can’t I make you feel good now?”

“I did this as an apology, Choso. Some other time, maybe.”

And with a wink and a smirk to him, you walked off to your room with an almost unbarable heat between your legs, it also had to be fixed.

NOT PROOFREAD ITS FUCKING 5 AM I WANNA GO SLEEP, ILL DO IT SOME OTHER TIME

[stsgooo]

Look at Him.

✩࿐ summary: your attempts at reentering the dating scene is foiled by your ex-husband.

warning(s): past relationship, clingy!gojo, ex-husband!gojo, co-parenting situation, crack fic. wc; 1.6k

pairing(s): gojo satoru x fem!reader

a/n: this is purely just a goof fic because i've put nothing but angst out there so far sooo have a laugh. hope yall enjoy :3

“So, what do you do for a living?”

"A teacher."

"Oh, wow! What grade, subject?"

"Uh, highschoolers and the subject kinda varies on the day."

"Like a substitute teacher?"

"Um....sure, yeah! Substitute teacher."

"That's awesome. Mad respect, kids can be demons."

You were quickly discovering that the dating field had changed in the five years that you had been married. An endless back and forth about what someone did, what's their favorite color, what's their hobbies. Boring questions that you would ask your students on the first day was used in over the table date conversation. Until, until, they got to that question they so desperately wanted to ask.

Would you want to take this back to my—

There was a vibration against your thigh as your date started to go onto a monologue about how much he disliked kids. In all honesty, you couldn't really remember his name. The introductions had been awkward and a little nerve wracking— you were almost sure he had no idea who you were either.

You tugged your phone out of your pocket and resisted the audible sigh that threatened to leave you when you saw the notification.

Satoru please tell me why my beautiful, radiant, amazing, intelligent daughter just said her mommy is on a date. feeling sick to my stomach, don't tell me this is true.

You rolled your eyes. Your ex-husband had always been so overdramatic. His main focus was always on the bit that could come from a situation. However, this was a quality you do used to admire about him. His ability to make any situation seem like it was a funny happenstance that you'd never encounter again.

Now, it was nothing more than a nuisance.

Satoru oh my god, you left me on read. it's true. it's true. i hope you know i just threw up. i threw up everywhere. i might die. at least, tell me he's ugly. please god let him to be ugly.

A sigh, you typed out the quickest message you could without your date asking what's wrong.

You I hope you're not ignoring said daughter to ask me about some date. I'll be home later, please refrain from texting me.

You were about to set your phone down when another text came through. This one appeared to more distraught than the last.

Satoru o h your tone. it's over. it's really over. i might just kill myself this is the worst night of my life. y/n, i'm genuinely feeling sick. please, is he ugly? he must be boring because you're texting back.

You were almost inclined to remind Satoru you both had been divorced for a year already. That this was bound to happen and you two had, in fact, spoken about it months into the divorce. You had played with some 'what if's and there was a mutual agreement that the other wouldn't get jealous and be dramatic about the other getting in a relationship whenever the time comes. It was a surprisingly adult conversation.

You should've known better when Satoru proudly proclaimed he didn't care who you got involved with.

You Satoru, we talked about this. We're adults and we're divorced. Please bother someone else, like Suguru.

Satoru i don't wanna talk to suguru. i wanna talk to youuu (;﹏;) i can't believe you've done this. ten years. ten years of loyalty. im sick to my stomach.

You You asked for the divorce.

"Is everything okay?"

You eyes snapped up from your phone and towards your date. He had the good grace to be wearing a relatively concerned expression, eyeing you wearily.

You quickly tucked your phone back into your pocket, ignoring the insistent vibrations it gave to smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, my daughter had an accident and I had to, you know, send a quick text to her babysitter." It was easier to explain away a daughter than it was a clingy ex-husband who was well in his dissent into insanity. Really, you were doing this guy a favor keeping him in the dark.

However, his face still paled and he straightened. "You have a kidI'm so, so sorry. I just went on a two minute rant about how much kids are equivalent to demons." He seemed to spiral as he pressed his hands against his face, uttering curses to himself. "I get so nervous with these dates. I truly meant nothing by it."

You smiled in amusement, "It's no problem, really. I'm not exactly disagreeing." He peeked from between his fingers and blinked at you dumbly. "Just because I'm a parent doesn't mean I don't agree. I mean, my kid can be a bit much sometimes. I love her, but she's a lot like her dad in that way."

It always made your chest blossom. The way Saori was a carbon copy of Satoru. From the rambunctious personality, to the piercing blue eyes, and white hair. Your genes hadn't won in the battle, but you were almost grateful. Satoru tried to tell you that she had your smile and your wit, but you weren't entirely convinced. She was Satoru and Satoru was her.

You were extremely lucky that he was a good dad.

"Oh? Do you mind me asking if her dad's still around?" His tone was indication enough: a daughter and an ex of some kind was pushing it for him.

You tensed up, feeling deep regret already. "Uh, yeah." His eyes shifted away and you reached forward, taking his hand. "But, he's not, like, crazy or anything! He's just a good dad."

Your date chuckled nervously. "I-I just don't want to get involved in some, um, some family dynamic."

You thought it was a little presumptuous of him to think this would go that far, or he'd get in the way. But you were too focused on defusing the situation.

"Oh, no, it's not like that! We've got a healthy balance, y'know? He does his piece, I do mine— that's it!"

He scrunched his face. "So... an open relationship?"

"No!" You press your hands against your face with a huff. "No, we're not together anymore. We just co-parent."

He opened his mouth to further question you when your phone vibrated very audibly. His eyebrows raising. "Your daughter?"

You sighed. "Please give me one moment."

With jerky movements, you pull your phone from your pocket. The assortment of messages that came where spread over the ten minutes you decided to ignore him.

Satoru okay, you've got me there. but my big heart is breaking. i hope he's ugly and he smells. okay, i spoke with suguru and he said i'm an idiot who should apologize. in my defense, i'm a little itty bitty drunk. and no, saori is not awake. papa put her to bed before bringing out the whiskey. im so sorry my beautiful deity. that not ugly, not smelly man is so lucky to be in your presence and i hope you have a good date. also i hope he gets hit my a car. (＾▽＾)

You I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. Genuinely, count your days, Gojo Satoru.

Satoru hot, hot, hot!!! (●´□`)♡ did he actually get hit by a car?

You Is there something you want?

Satoru him dead. and you home :((((

You You don't want me home. I swear to god, if you're on my couch, drinking when I get home, I will ruin your life.

Satoru promise??? ╰(✿´⌣`✿)╯♡ but, actually, i wanted to ask your opinion on something

You For real?

Satoru for realsies. [Image Attachment]

Completely blinded by your irritation, you don't even hesitate to open the picture as it loads. Although you regret it the moment it does.

It's a picture of Satoru. He's at what seems to be the beach (must've been the fun activity him and Saori were going to join Suguru for), his sunglasses were on the top of his head, and he was grinning at the picture. One hand was resting against his pectoral and the veins in his hand was prominent. An obvious attempt at being charming and flirtatious. It was working too.

If it weren't for the fact that you knew him and were his ex, you might've just swooned.

"Oh, my god, is that him?" Your date was staring at your phone with wide eyes. His face even more pale than before. He started to shake his head as he stood, snatching his jacket from the back of his chair. "No way. I am not getting involved! I'm sorry, you're a nice woman, but I know when I'm not winning. And I'm definitely not winning against that."

Your eyes widened considerably, "What? No! Please don't leave. He's an idiot, I swear there's nothing—"

"He is... a hunk. I am not. In no shape or form am I at all comparable to that. Look—" He reached forward, grabbing your phone and holding the picture up to be beside his face. "Look at the difference! Model who has won Japan's hottest man at least eight times before he's 30 to me— Look at him!"

"It's not even like that!" You snatched your phone back and stared at him in frustration. "He's my ex, I do not want him!"

He waved his hands in front of your face. "I know how this will go. You think you like me and then your super hot and super sexy ex-whatever makes you realize the familiarity is good. Then I get dumped." He straightened, latching his hands onto the lapels of his jacket. "I just realized I am a side character. In my own life. Goddammit."

He barely glanced at you as he paid for the dinner, then left as quickly as he could. Still, you didn't even know his name.

Satoru oooo taking you awhile to respondddd still in love with me? (人◕ω◕)

[msvanillalatte]

Feel You Deep

NSFW. MDNI.

WARNINGS: Smut, piv, overstimulation, dom Theo, sub reader, praising, dumbification, a bit of subspace, begging, teasing, dirty talk, pet names, use of the name daddy (not always), breeding kink, size kink?, a tiny bit of aftercare.

Let me know if I missed any, please!

SMUT UNDER THE CUT!

Theo's tip was teasing your clit. You needed him inside you after hours of edging, eating your cunt like a starved man, never letting you feel the true orgasm.

-"You wanna feel me inside you, sweetheart? Just a bit more, I promise, and you'll have my cock deep inside your pussy."

Theo said making you moan and whimper at the dirty talk.

-"Please Theo, please. i.. I need you. I need to feel you please please"

Theo smirked as you begged, watching your arousal mixed with his saliva spilling out of your little cunt.

-"I don't think it will fit, love. What do you think? Can this little pussy take my big cock? Hm?"

Theo said teasingly, making your cunt clench around nothing, feeling even more frustrated.

-"It will! I know it will! I'll take it like a good girl, please, please, I need to feel y... OH!"

You moaned when Theo pushed the tip inside you, your walls stretching and pulsating with desire. Theo looked at you with dark eyes, filled with lust.

-"You wanna come, sweetheart? There's not going back, yeah? I'm sure you'll take it all like a good girl."

Theo slowly pushed his cock all the way, your walls swallowing and almost suffocating him. He was completely inside you, feeling him everywhere. His tip was brushing your cervix, making you cry out in pleasure, but he let you adjust.

-"Look at that, pretty. Look at how good you're taking me, such a good girl. Fuck... Such a tight little pussy, so perfect around me."

At a slow peace, Theo started thrusting inside you deeply, making you moan his name over and over again. Your cunt was aching to be filled to the brim, just like now. Theo groaned, kissing your neck. 

-"S.. so big. Oh my god! That feels so good T... THEO!"

You moaned loudly when the tip of Theo's cock hit that little spongy spot that makes your pussy clench and scream. Surely, the neighbours already know what's happening.

Theo's thrusting speeded, always hitting that spot, making you see blurry and tear up, it felt so good. Your moans were high, Theo hardening even more while hearing your desperate screams and praising you.

-"You like that, huh? Feels good, honey? Let me take care of you, yeah? I'll make you feel good, fill you with my babies, yeah? Good fucking girl"

Theo was kissing your neck, thrusting into you and sneaking his hand between you two to rub your clit, it was so overwhelming. Your walls clenched even more, indicating that you were close.

-"T... Theo, I'm close, please please please let me cum. Please"

-"Go ahead pretty girl, make a mess on my cock. Milk me, yeah? I've got you, so pretty when you make those noises and tighten around me."

And with that you came around Theo's dick, while his hand was still circling your clit. He rode out your orgasm, but didn't stop. He kept thrusting into you, and dirty talking. You knew that Theo had high stamina, but you hoped that he was close.

-"S'too much! Feels good!"

-"I know beautiful, I know, you did so well, but you can take more. Take daddy's cock like a good girl, yeah? You can."

Theo was thrusting even faster now, but it was difficult for him, your walls were the tightest they've ever been, making it hard to pull out. 

-"Sweetheart, I need you to relax for me. I promise it'll feel good, c'mon, you can do it. Let daddy push all the way in. Oh, look at that, do you feel me in your stomach, angel?"

Theo said while looking at the bulge that appeared in your belly when he thrusted. He presses down on it, getting you to your high even faster, his cock hitting your cervix.

-"I'm so deep inside you, baby. Want me to breed you like my own little slut? Fucking hell, you feel like heaven, my girl."

Theo's praise brought you to your second orgasm, triggering his first one. You were shaking, but Theo didn't stop. He was breeding you like he owned you, and his thrusting didn't slow down, in fact, he went harder.

-"Theo! I can't take it, please, no more, no more... P... PLEASE!"

Theo didn't stop, he wanted to see you break one last time. He wanted to see you convulse underneath him, he wanted to feel you spasm around his cock. His mind was filled with absolute lust.

-"Pretty girl, weren't you the one begging for my cock before? I know you can take one more, honey. For me, yeah?"

You started scratching Theo's back while he rubbed circles on your bundle of nerves and left hickeys all over you. It was too much, you were completely in subspace, not even thinking. He was fucking you dumb.

-"You look so beautiful when you moan like that, does my cock filling you up and stretching you feel good? I bet it does, you're clenching so tight 'round me. Oh fuck... If you keep doing that I'll come again, sweetheart. So pretty for me, only for me, yeah? Let me feel you cum around my cock one last time."

That was it. You came. Hard. Your thighs started shaking, your back arching and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. The sight in front of Theo was mesmerising, making him come inside you again.

-"Fuck, look so pretty like this, honey, yeah, take it, I'm filling you up like a good girl, so filthy with my babies."

Theo pulled out of you, feeling exhausted. He was lying on top of you, both breathing heavily. You couldn't move your legs, they felt sore and all of your body was sweaty.

-"You did so good sweetheart, wanna take a bath? Yeah, let me help you."

Theo carried you to the bathroom and cleaned you up while praising you. When he was done he dressed you up and himself and cuddles in the bed.

-"I love you so much, my perfect princess."- Theo said while kissing your forehead.

-"Love you too, Theo."- You sleepily said and slowly drifted off to a deep sleep.

1036 words.

SORRY IF I MADE ANY GRAMMAR OR MISTAKE IN GENERAL, ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!! :)

-MsVanillaLatte