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#anyway i literally did my best on those like embarrassingly so
elation-station · 11 months
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You know she would be parading around in a different fancy outfit everyday just to show off to the farmer ♥
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angelhound · 1 year
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#i ran into my old boss yesterday at Walgreens and im still thinking about how embarrassingly bad at socializing i was#i went to say hi on purpose bc i hvent seen him in like. years lol and tbh love that little fucked up cowboy grandpa#but i literally. cant make small talk what do u say. i got myself into a situation before preparing a script and i am so silly and goofy.#he asked me whst i was up to and i told him my day plans but he meant like. in general what am i doing w my life#and it was overall. not my best performance. but i DONT KNOW WHY i am Still Thinking about it it does not matter even kind of#he wasnt mean to me we hugged. chatted abt tape. i accidentally said i was there for antibiotics for my skin infection and he was like wtf.#forgot ur not supposed to like be honest with people. thats what i was doing there he was there to buy tape.#ugh anyways this is the extent my severe self embarrassment goes that was a normal interaction and its haunting my every hour that i did it#Wrong#still thinking also abt the time i went to joanns and forgot my card and i had to sit at the checkout waiting for my bank app to load in#silence for 5 minutes#its been like.. a month already it really doesnt matter#no evil hat man is going to come punish me for incorrectly navigating social situations. and yet#idk its so annoying because consciously i dont care i have consciously forgiven myself for being silly. goofy. a little stupid. but its in#my Bones the feeling is in my very bones and i cannot seem to take it out#trying to accept the feeling of shame but its my least favorite feeling of all time ever actually. i am a chronic shame avoider#but my extreme over classification of what is shameful is preventing me from living how i want to so im trying to get over it but it still#Feels the same even though i am on purpose putting myself in those situations now bc i Know its actually fine#i feel very emotionally wack this month because i have been experiencing so many situations. situations i would never have been in previous#ly#mostly i want to kill myself or move to a different state so i never have to see anyone again lol. but i will endure i Guess#how do u let go of what is ingrained in your very bones i been like this since birth#if i told a professional abt this they would give me a fat diagnosis of AvPD but i Also will be actually. hm fixing myself so it doesnt#matter if thats true. i can feel it letting go of me finger by filthy sharp nailed finger#its just really slow progress sometimes. like talking to mr cowboy and instigating a plague i am enduring for days.#i got really good at navigating it without actually fixing it for a long time. the loophole is that if i already know how to do something#correctly i dont need to avoid it. If i am already sure i will do it right. but there are many variables in life that do not allow you to be#sure about things before doing it and that has been the largest source of any stagnation in my life for the last 10 years+#no longer tho. now i do it anyways and consequently have to try not to spiral every day. livin on the edge babe#anyways i am my own evil hat man punisher. and im out of tags
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hurtmyfavsthanks · 1 year
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Whumpril day 19
Content: Death mention
(Ice pack, muffled sobs, “I’m worried about you”)
"And then once you pathetic heroes are defeated, I’ll–...Okay pause. What happened to your face?" 
It wasn't a question Hero had expected to hear, especially not while they sat trapped in a villain’s base, power dampening cuffs binding their arms and legs. They especially didn’t expect to hear it while zoning out during one of said villain’s famously long rants.
“What?"
"Your face." Villain repeated. "You've got a nasty bruise. When did that happen?"
Hero glared. "We were literally just fighting. I'm a hero now, where do you think I get–Hey!" Hero's response was cut off by Villain grabbing their face, turning it to get a clearer view of the bruise. With a thoughtful look, they licked their thumb and rubbed it against Hero's cheek.
Hero did their best to pull away. "Cut it out!"
"We'll, we know it's not just dirt now."
"You could've just asked instead of licking me!"
Villain finally let go of their face. "When you become a parent, you'll realize that spit is an effective tool of injury identification and quick face cleanup." They stepped away. "You’ve been taking on a lot of villains lately. Are they being too rough with you? I can straighten them out if you need; they should know to go easy on a kid."
"I am not a kid."
"I remember when you were some sixteen year old clinging to Other Hero's cape like a duckling. You are literally always going to be a kid to me. That's just how it works."
Villain dug into their pockets. After a minute of rummaging, they pulled out a remote and pointed it towards Hero. They pressed a button, and Hero felt something in their restraints pop. The cuffs still remained firmly clamped around their limbs, but Hero found that they’d detached entirely from the chair.
Villain started walking."Let's put this on pause and get you some ice on that, m'kay? You look like you could use a meal and a break anyway." 
With how unpredictable they could be, nothing Villain did should’ve surprised Hero anymore. And yet Hero found themself looking down in shock at their freed limbs.  "What are you even doing?"
Villain paused, turning. "Getting you ice?"
"No, I mean," Hero stood, "this. Why are you trying to help me? You’re a bad guy."
Villain looked away, almost pouting. "It's embarrassingly non- villainous to admit it, but I suppose I'm…worried about you." They grimaced at their own words, as if they hurt to speak. "You didn't get this promotion under the best of circumstances–"
Hero scowled, looking away. "They died."
Villain flinched. "Right. Other Hero…died. Is it so strange that I’d want to keep an eye on my old nemesis’ sidekick?”
It wasn’t actually. Villain had always been, at least comparatively, the nicest villain in Other Hero’s gallery. They never targeted civilians with anything more harmful than a monologue. Even when they fought, Villain rarely caused anyone serious harm. In all their time as a sidekick, Hero could count on a single had the times when Villain had actually targeted them, and of those times they’d never been seriously hurt. 
But they weren’t a sidekick anymore. They couldn’t rely on a villain’s pity to keep up. “I don’t need your help.” 
Villain started walking, not even bothering to look Hero’s way. “You have it anyway! Consider it my new evil scheme if it makes you feel better. Plus, those cuffs are still blocking your powers, so you’re still technically kidnapped.”
Hero sighed.
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mediawhorefics · 1 year
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Do you have any hot tales about tsn?
tsn hot takes ??? gosh, idk if they're hot takes but i have opinions?
i'm sorry to rpf on main but 'andrew garfield was in love with jesse eisenberg' is a hilll i'm going to die on.
similarly, andrew garfield played eduado as in love with mark and watching the movie through that lens enriches the whole experience. fight me.
tsn deserved to win best picture in 2011. out of all the nominees that year, it's the one that has only gained relevance as time passes and had something to say about our culture, both back then and right now. i think it's almost more relevant now than back then. its social commentary on the way we live our lives on the internet is pretty spot on. i mean 'the internet is written in ink'. give me one line better from another movie that year. we lived on farms then we lived in cities and now we're gonna live on the internet?? damn.
this isnt an opinion, more like an observation? back in 2010, people complained about the harsh depiction of zuck but he's worked so hard to prove the movie not only right but also now it almost reads as mild compared to who that guy actually is. it's fascinating in terms of tsn's cultural legacy. where's that one quote from that article about tsn turning 10 yo? the movie couldn't predict what facebook would turn into (in terms of misinformation and manipulation of information) but it understood that the desire to tear down the establishment is not the same as the wish to build something better in its place? anyways, that.
it has one of the greatest soundtracks ever. i don't think any movie has topped it since. that opening sequence with hand covers bruise? holy shit.
i always wonder if it does enough to condemn the elitist misogynistic culture of those rich harvard guys/those rich tech guys. like... i always joke that it's one of my 'ooops the filmmakers forgot women were people' favourite films (i have a few of those) but at the same time, it feels very pointed and purposeful in its depiction. and we know that fincher has a history of exploring toxic masculinity as a theme without explicitly condemning it and trusting his audience to get the message. which, honey, men are not smart. i mean, we get the iconic erica moment telling us from the start 'it'll be because you're an asshole' and then the movie proceeds to prove that to us. but is that enough? is the movie sexist or is the character? or both? i don't know i kinda go back and forth on this. again not a take, just thoughts.
i read this one letterboxd review like a year ago that said something along the line of: best movie of all time they have him tell us ' i don't want friends' in the first eight minutes and it blew my fucking mind. they literally tell us in the first eight minutes, aaron sorkin i just want to talk.
i love him and would kill for him, but eduardo telling mark 'i was your only friend you had one friend' was not only untrue but kinda manipulative. not that mark didn't deserve it.
high key this is one of the most quotable movies of all time. did you know i sent forty-seven texts???
there are whole worlds of unsaid things in the 'you have no idea what that's going to mean to my father' 'sure i do' i am OBSESSED with their relationship.
eduardo's bitchy 'is he?' when sean says he's wired in before the laptop smash is just as, if not more, iconic than the rest of the speech.
andrew was robbed of both a nomination and an oscar for this performance. i stand by it.
2011 golden globes jesse eisenberg dragging andrew gafield out of his chair top awards moment of all time. you had to be there.
people will bitch about tsn rpf and people writing fic about mark zuckerberg but where would we (tumblr) be as a society without jesse and andrew's 'you didn't know me at 13' 'i really wish i had'. where would your pining web-weaving fandom posts be without mr garfield's embarrassingly public crush on his facebook movie co star? check and mate.
genuinely think it would have solved a lot of their problems if mark and eduardo had fucked. or it would have created other different problems. either way, a win.
we all know it should have ended with mark sending eduardo a friend request. literally the only flaw in this film.
i honestly think the tsn press tour is on like... lotr bts footage level in terms of ~as enjoyable if not more than the original film. and i don't say this lightly. it's one of the highest praise i've got.
i'm a basic bitch but every single scene of mark defending eduardo post-betrayal is like.... [SCREAM]
it IS the greatest divorce movie of our time. marriage story fucking wishes mate.
tsn is 100% a girl movie. like red flag for men green flag for women (& gnc people) kind of stuff.
it's on par with all of shakespeare's best tragedies. for me.
lmao when i read this ask i thought damn i won't have much to say and now i have to stop myself because my food is ready and i'm starting. anyways this is barely scratching the surface. i might come back for a part two?
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funky-sea-cryptid · 1 year
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I posted 4,128 times in 2022
That's 2,529 more posts than 2021!
658 posts created (16%)
3,470 posts reblogged (84%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@t4tbruharvey
@themischiefoftad
@jettreno
@elytrians
@dingdongyouarewrong
I tagged 1,838 of my posts in 2022
#vikings valhalla - 97 posts
#goncharov - 55 posts
#macbeth - 47 posts
#unreality - 40 posts
#nesbo macbeth (derogatory) - 38 posts
#the last kingdom - 33 posts
#11th century - 30 posts
#tmnt 2012 - 29 posts
#hysteriaposting - 24 posts
#yeah - 23 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#the kingdom key?????? like riku and kairi lucked out on this one and its bc of their tboy and tgirl swag (their keyblades have better names)
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
im a b team enthusiast they're like. they're my best fucking friends
32 notes - Posted August 8, 2022
#4
idk how hawkeye is gonna end but i feel like yelena is gonna text kate all the time like “kate bishop this is my dog her name is fanny” “kate bishop i made macaroni do you want some :)” “kate bishop send me a picture of your dog!” “kate bishop come to visit we need to have a girls night”
kate of course responds bc besties i just think they’d be friends
50 notes - Posted January 7, 2022
#3
i got back into playing love nikki last night and i was having SO much fun for the first 15 minutes like “why did i ever stop the fun fashion game” and then i lost a styling competition embarrassingly and momo (FUCK that cat) was like “im starting to wonder why queen narini brought you here” and the old well of primal rage roared to life. FUCK you momo shut up you walk around naked in a hood what do YOU know about fashion you STUPID CAT
52 notes - Posted April 28, 2022
#2
the amount of Gregory slander on my fyp- HE IS TEN YEARS OLD ALL OF YALL NEED TO NOT. “oh but he hurt freddys friends” YEAH?? THOSE BITCHES WERE TRYING TO KILL HIM???? IF I WAS IN HIS SHOES ID DO THE SAME DAMN THING!! “he’s annoying” HE IS LITERALLY TEN. like WHAT do you expect he is a child. anyways stan this chaotic feral child
78 notes - Posted January 5, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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this is horrifying. dont strip jungle log
1,232 notes - Posted May 29, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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margridarnauds · 1 year
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WIP ask meme: Vampire Peyronan and St. George and the Dragon?
Embarrassingly, Vampire Peyronan wasn’t mine -- it was shared with me once upon a time and it was saved to my Google Docs drive because of that, but it isn’t actually one of mine (though it is very good -- I always wished that one had been published.) I do have a Vampire Ronan fic that I have in common with @claradwor, though that one’s also not seen the light of day. 
Part of the confusion comes from the fact that I did have a Peyronan Vampire AU at one point that was 100% mine, and I’d sworn that I’d written down small parts of it, but if I did, they’re totally lost at this point. There might be traces preserved in DMs with friends from that time, but...I don’t really want to go back to that time in my life and those friendships, you know? The people I’ve mentioned here are obviously cool, I wouldn’t mention them if they weren’t, I loved and still love the work we created, but there are other things from that time I don’t really want to go back to and so it will have to remain a bit of an open mystery until I decide to crack it open again. Very frustrating, though. You think that you have everything locked inside your mind and then, *poof* gone.  (Incidentally: IF I AM STILL IN CONTACT WITH YOU AND YOU RECALL ME TALKING ABOUT THE VAMPIRE AU THAT WAS MINE ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO, PLEASE REMIND ME WHAT MY GOOD IDEA WAS. I MISS IT.)
There was a Tanz crossover that I remember better. I’d thought I’d written down at least traces of it, but if I did, it’s also gone. 
-- Set Napoleonic Era 
-- Followed from the fic that begins “When they crossed the Tuileries”
-- Ronan punches Napoleon, with both him and Lazare being given a punishment: To hunt for a young pageboy that’s gone missing. 
-- Lazare and Ronan end up at the Schloss von Krolock after being warned away by the peasants (who Lazare, predictably, doesn’t listen to, even though Ronan actually does believe them, not being a stranger to peasant superstitions and growing up on his fair share of werewolf stories.) 
-- They stay with Chagal’s father or grandfather, who is literally the nicest human being in the world. Super hospitable, super nice, wonderful family man who just wants his guests to have the best time they can on their travels. 
-- Herbert falls in love with Laz at first sight because he “LOVES a man in uniform” 
-- Ronan is not amused and at one point has to beat him off. 
-- He and Krolock had this sort of dynamic where Ronan does not like or trust this man but there’s also this sort of...odd understanding, almost? It’s not the same feeling he has for Lazare, especially not after twenty years of being together, where they’re functionally married at this point, but there’s a sort of draw there, anyway, even though Ronan wouldn’t act on it. And there is kind of this thought with Ronan as far as “I could let Lazare be immortal, isn’t that what he’d want?” Herbert’s more like Laz in terms of birth, he’s eternally young, he could give him immortality, and Laz is there, stuck living this painfully mortal life with Ronan, and Ronan just got him in trouble with his boss on top of that. Meanwhile, Krolock sees these two living this life together where they’ve gotten to be in love and faithful to one another for decades without vampirism getting in the way. 
-- Obviously, at some point they realize the pageboy is fucking dead. And Napoleon is, per TdV canon, a fucking vampire, causing the two of them to go running through the snow together at a breakneck pace to escape, with Laz retiring from the army very quickly afterwards. (Obviously, he is no longer mad at Ronan for punching him.) 
St. George and the Dragon is much more recent, I was working on that one...the summer before last, after a request from @violetcancerian for a soulmate AU where only your soulmate can kill you. 
Galahad has always known, from the moment that he was born, that he had but one purpose upon this earth, and that was to purge it of evil. 
The first words he could remember hearing were not “mother” and “father”, but his grandfather holding him on his lap, a withered hand stroking his head, and calling him savior, knight, hero, paragon, and the three nuns who were in charge of his rearing reminding him, always, of the importance of submitting to the Lord’s will, tears often pricking their eyes. His first student’s reader was not some ancient, dusty Latin text, but The Book of Revelation, with its descriptions of all the depravities that the human race was capable of, his grandfather, in a creaking groan, assuring him that he was different from those foul, miserable creatures, that he was better, that he had a future ahead of him so unlike that of the base men of this fallen world. He took the crucifix along with the lance and the sword, devoting himself to both. 
It was with that goal in mind that he came to Camelot, a city of ivory layered over every vice of Sodom and Gomorrah. Knights who felt like they could take every liberty upon the poor while saving chivalry for the rich, clean streets that still made poor homes for the beggars that crowded upon them every night, and, at the top of it all, there was his father, sitting by the king’s side, perfectly at his ease in a court filled to the brim with every kind of decade, looking at the queen as if she was his own wife. 
He met Galahad’s gaze across the crowded room, eyes filled with…surprise? Concern? Affection? But Galahad turned away. There was nothing that man could give him, though he would never stop praying for his soul. True salvation, though, would have to come from within. 
“Insufferable, isn’t it?” One young man said, and Galahad bent his head to him, neither inviting him further into conversation nor rejecting him. He was slender, slender and dark, with intent eyes that were a murky green lips that seemed inclined very much to turn upwards. “All this.”
“It is the way of things,” Galahad replied evenly. 
“Don’t pretend, I can see the look on your face. Behold,” he raised his goblet, gesturing around them, “The envy of the world. A cesspit of greed, corruption, and venality, cloaked behind pretty words, fine pedigrees, and a wizard’s enchantment.” 
“You are very rash to say so. Such words are dangerous.” 
“The truth always is so, I find, but, then again, we live in dangerous times.” 
The young man cast his eyes out on Lancelot and Guinevere, who sat obscenely close, his hand on her knee as she laughed at something she said, a flush upon her cheeks. Neither of them were as young as once they had been – faint strands of silver now sat amongst the pale gold of Guinevere’s hair, and Lancelot-Lancelot his father had laugh lines about his eyes, and, while he had not so many as Guinevere, gray had started to war against the black of his hair. Two old people who thought themselves young, who thought themselves invincible. 
“Very dangerous times, indeed. Sir Mordred, son of Morgause of Orkney.” He paused, suddenly very interested in the little cracks along the table. “And Lot of Orkney, of course.” 
“Sir Mordred,” Galahad replied evenly, “I have heard of you.” 
Mordred raised a goblet that, from the few shadows that danced along the depths, appeared mostly empty. “Surprised to find no devil horns, hm?”
“Actually,” Galahad gave a tight smile, studiously avoiding the other man. “I had expected the tail.” 
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something lgbt just happened to me (extreme emotional pain edition)
(ignore me I just need an internet void to scream in where she wont see it or read if you’re nosy and willing to be nice about it)
(also if anyone has any advice for how to not be so fucked up about the girl who is kinda your ex but not really (in the “never actually dated but we both had feelings and acted like it a lot” way) officially dating a new person for the first time since she shattered your heart into a million tiny pieces please dm me said advice this is 100% serious)
like we have all the same friends and it’s been over half a year so I feel weird talking to irl people about it. even I am surprised at how intensely the emotions punched me in the lungs when she told us she has a bf now. like cmon brain I knew we weren’t over this but I thought we were at least getting better. 
also there’s the added fun layer of “her own internalized biphobia and biphobic family members made it so our connection was always laced with shame and repression and suffering anyway.” and now she gets to celebrate this moment with friends and family and do boy talk with her mom and ask her parents for advice about this guy she’s known for a couple months and have an easy friends to lovers arc with him. while I was stuck listening to her family coo over how she should get back with her ex bf once he transferred to our college while she and I were literally sleeping in the same bed the night before. but bc I’m not a guy ofc nothing could possibly have been going on there. 
like you’re telling me I was in a years-long, will-they-won’t-they sufferfest where I was embarrassingly emotionally devoted to this person only for npc #3 to crawl out of the woodwork and get the instant stamp of approval for wanting to get to know her better and giving it the old college try? 
and to be clear I’m not blaming her she feels how she feels and obviously the bi/homophobia is a societal/community level issue. it just sucks so bad to fall so deeply in love with someone over such a long time and have those feelings be treated less seriously because of things we can’t control. like just on top of the regular heartbreak of it all. and believe me the regular heartbreak of it all is more than enough for my little eggshell heart to handle. 
and on a regular heartbreak level it also sucks because she’s a good person that I genuinely care about on a non-romantic level and still think very highly of. like our relationship wasn’t and still isn’t perfect but she’s one of the best people in my life and an objectively decent human being. so it’s not like I can even rationalize to myself “well it was toxic” (actually maybe the dynamic was but like SHE wasn’t a toxic person y’know) or “she treated me badly” or “she sucks so I’m better off now anyway.” like no she’s wonderful and her new bf is very lucky life just sucks sometimes. 
did I mention she and I are still best friends and even though we live in different cities now which helps I still have to pretend to be totally 100% excited about this for the sake of being a good bestie? like god I love being a lesbian if I had to do life all over again and got a choice I would choose to be queer every single goddamn time. but this is the most painful shit I’ve ever felt in my life and that’s a pretty high bar at this point. especially since this is technically not my first heartbreak but it’s my first one since realizing I’m a lesbian and not bi and started having a lot of The Piercing Loneliness of Breaking Every Societal Expectation feelings about it. like I think my brain was unintentionally pulling a “maybe I’ll turn out normal-passing” on itself (which is total bullshit) for a while there. and even though I know that was bullshit coming to terms with being a lesbian was so much harder for me than coming to terms with being queer at all and everything related to it has just felt so much more intense since. 
and on some level I’m also jealous bc she got out and can have a relationship she can celebrate and talk about with her family without fear and I can never have that. like bi people obviously go through so much shit and have a hard time getting both straight and gay people to take them seriously and as someone who lived that (in the “other people treated me like I was bi bc we all thought I was” sense) and thought that was who I was for 7 years I would never want to diminish that but oh my god being on the other side now I can understand how easy it is to let yourself get bitter. And I never want to be that person but at the same time speaking purely of my own experience it didn’t take me so long (2+ years) to figure out I was a lesbian because I just didn’t know like at some point deep down I knew especially near the end of my questioning era but I kept asking myself “well are you SURE?” because didn’t want to face the loneliness of it. Of closing the door on the last possible chance I had for my family and I to bond over something in a normal way for once. And coming out again was incredibly freeing but I also had to be willing to break my own heart to do it and the compounding heartbreak is just so much. 
anyway if anyone is reading this I love you and I hope you’re having a better day than me. happy new year. 
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burningthetree · 1 year
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for the year in reflection asks, I’d love to hear 1, 18, and 19!!
sending you all the hugs and forehead kisses 💖
Ah Evie!! Thank you for making me reflect on my year in a positive light because honestly it was absolute garbage all the way through. So thank you! Sending you all the hugs and forehead kisses right back!! The rambling is under the cut as per usual.
1. My favourite memory:
This is going to sound extremely weird but my favourite memory is from a day in October when I was at my absolute worst because I had a concussion and went to class anyway and it did not go well at all. My best friend ended up taking me home in the middle of class and watched over me while I slept because they worried and didn’t want me to be alone. I felt like absolute shit, I don’t really remember most of it, but looking back on it now, I’m filled with such fondness and love and appreciation because I know I have someone in my life who’s not related to me but who went out of their way to help me and care for me. I didn’t realise it at the moment because I couldn’t form a single coherent thought but in retrospect I can’t help but think of it with such warmth and fondness it’s almost overwhelming to realise just how good a friend I’ve made.
18. My favourite meme:
I don’t know if it classifies as a meme per se but I really loved the bones day / no bones day videos on tiktok, and my friends and I always patiently waited for updates. If you don’t know, it’s about Noodle the Pug (rest in peace, king ❤️) and Jonathan, his owner who’s absolutely amazing. It was my favourite thing in the world and one of the reasons I always opened tiktok every day at the same time lol. But also I’m not well-versed in meme culture so I might simply be forgetting classics that emerged this year, or that I never encountered in the first place. Oh! I guess a tumblr-meme I liked was the one with Castiel and Dean from Supernatural doing the “I love you”-line by Cas and then Dean saying some breaking news to him with whatever was going on in the world. I thought that was pretty entertaining and the way I found out a lot about ongoing politics before I saw it on the actual news (including the Queen dying lol)
19. The month that was the most fun:
This was honestly embarrassingly hard to pick because literally every month was fucking awful LOL but! I’ll pick April or May because the weather cleared up in those months and I often went to this really nice place for regular long walks and I remember my mental health being surprisingly okay then! So the fun was in the walks and me exploring nature walking around listening to birds because that’s really just what I love doing the most in my free time. Also in May I did a bunch of social stuff with friends where I majorly stepped out of my comfort zone, including but not limited to embarrassing myself on a stage whilst dancing in front of a crowd.
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janshu · 3 years
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Inu!Bakugo...for @ultimate-astridwriting's Hybrid collab!
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Summary: My part of the hybrid collab. I had so much fun writing an angry Pomeranian Bakugo. 10/10 would do again. I'm not completely happy with it but who ever is? I'm still proud of myself!
Word count: 2.2k.
Warnings: Fem!Reader, Bakugo being an ass, sexual content, somnophilia, collars, choking, humping, creampie, name calling (bitch, slut, whore etc.), use of the word cunt.
You sigh as you rummage around in your pocket to produce the key to your home. After a long day's work all you want to do is get some dinner, take a bath and go to bed but none of those things would be possible would they?
No, not after the spur of the moment decision to adopt a hybrid of all things. The week earlier was one of torrential downpours and near freezing temperatures, the roads making a slushy substance of half-melted ice and salt to prevent the very thing it was being mixed in with. People stayed indoors the best they could when they weren't at work but life had to shit on you and make your car breakdown in the parking garage. Umbrella rested on your shoulder, rain boots on your feet with your spare in your bag and you trudged through cold, mushy hell back home. The streets were barren as a Walmart on a weekday at 4am, no life passing by you until you crossed an alley between two businesses. A pathetic whimper had caught your attention and your gaze drifted down to a soaked cardboard box. What was in that box you weren't sure if you should curse or love. A hybrid.
Narrow red eyes stared at you in suspicion, fangs bared at you but the creature didn't make any attempts to nip at your fingers when they neared to ruffle the spikey head of hair. The hybrid had leaned into your touch before recoiling away as if you had smacked him. The black and orange collar had seen better days, the charm that dangled on the hollow of his neck read "Dynamite" but he didn't give any indication that was his name when you repeated it outloud. He was barely dressed in anything, a thin t-shirt, shorts with ragged Converse that had more holes than Swiss cheese. Truthfully he looked a few days away from starvation and how could you keep that on your conscience if you left him there? After laying your warm coat over his shoulders you somehow, someway, managed to get him back to your place. Everything went downhill from there in the blink of an eye.
The weak puppy persona was gone the moment warm food settled in his belly and within the hour he acted as if you had crowned him king of the house. Beginning his rambles of curses, demands and biting at your fingers. The worst of it happened when you tried to take his collar off for a new one, one that wasn't frayed and barely hanging on. "Katsuki" as he spat out his name with enough venom to put a Black Mamba to shame had flipped over a coffee table, ripped up every couch cushion and went so far to chew on the linoleum on the kitchen floor.
No doubt you'd be greeted with the same sight as always. Messy, dirty, unknown stains everywhere and dishes still in the sink waiting to be moved to the washer. Maybe if he wasn't such a loud ass you could train him but your frazzled nerves were at their wits end. You didn't know what to do, you were about to throw in the towel and put him up for adoption. Yep, you were disappointed to be proven right. Katsuki reclining on the couch lengthwise, remote in his hand with the most bored expression on his face while idly flipping through channels.
"Fucking finally, you're home! I've been waitin' for fucking hours for your ass to get back! I'm hungry, get your shitty ass in the kitchen and make dinner." He barked. Barely giving you any time to hang up your coat and slip off your shoes before his orders began.
"Katsuki...I can't, not tonight." Could your voice portray anymore pleading? Apparently not because he didn't seem to notice, or care.
The fluffy ear at the top of his head only flicked in response, the top lip curling into his signature snarl. "Then what the fuck are you good for? Get your fucking ass in that god damn kitchen and fucking make dinner already."
All that you were good for? All that you were good for? How dare he! He's been freeloading off you for a week now without so much as a thanks for saving him from the streets, feeding him, clothing him, keeping him warm and dealing with his bullshit and this is how he repays you?
"I've fucking had it with you!" Your voice rose higher than you meant to but at this point you didn't care, a line had been crossed. "You fucking sit there and ruin my shit and yet I'm the useless one? I have half a mind to kick you out! You can make your own fucking dinner, I've had it! I'm done! I can't take this anymore!"
Despite not having any clunky shoes on your feet still managed to resonate in the small living room while you stormed past the couch. You had expected anything, anything at all. A slap, a punch, a groan, literally anything but you were met with only silence and that somehow pissed out off even more. How could silence be so infuriating?! You didn't even notice the terror that washed over his face as you screamed at him or the way his chest heaved with the sob or how he trembled underneath your wrathful gaze as you walked away. The bedroom door slamming made short work of that.
"Fuck I'm such an ass.." You mused to yourself already regretting blowing up at him but what would an apology do that wasn't already broken? So better yet why not send yourself to bed without dinner as some kind of punishment? He'd linger at the doorway to the kitchen, staring at you with those intense eyes if you made dinner anyways so why let him win? He could his own shit for fucks sake!
After a quick shower to dethaw your bones and warm up what was left of your dead soul the softness of your pajamas helped ease the guilt gnawing away like a puppy on its first bone. Laying in bed until sleep eventually overcame you and when he knew it was safe to slip in and sneak over towards your bedside.
Rustling was what woke you. The rustling of clothes and the jingle of something metallic in the darkness of the bedroom. Whatever grogginess you normally suffered when waking up was vanishing the more details were dissected and understood by your half-asleep brain, a process that took an embarrassingly long time. Clothes rustling, the bedsheets moving, heavy pants and something incredibly warm nudging up against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. Naturally your brain assumed the worst and your eyelids flew open to show nothing; at first. As your eyes adjusted to the pitch black room they found the blazing stare of those vermillion eyes, the bared fangs that belonged to your hybrid.
What the hell was Katsuki doing on top of you?
Noticing that you were awake the snarl turned into a smirk as he huffed, his large chest expanding with each desperate pant. Why did your folds feel so good just as you were waking up?
"Feel that?" How could you not? The feel of a scorching cock bumping up your folds and sensitive clit, wet from the pre leaking from the tip. There was so much of it from what you could feel, too sticky to be your own. His hips had yet to cease moving, no word from your shocked form to still his rutting hips.
"W-what the hell are you doing?" Was the most logical question your brain could come up with in the moment.
"Humping...fucking dumbass." His warm breath created goosebumps on your cool skin, his head must've been so close to yours by the hair tickling your forehead. "Tryin'ta...help ya. Shitty woman.."
"Help? How the fuck is this helping?"
"You've been working so hard so I thought maybe...a good fuck would calm ya down, relax ya." Katsuki's voice was so desperate, so needy, the humping of his cock on your labia increasing.
He was trying to help? He was going to fuck the frustration out of you? Is that was he was offering? Having sex with a hybrid was common enough to not be considered taboo but you couldn't help but feel he was trying to worm his way into your good graces. Unless your words had struck some kind of cord with him. "Okay, alright, I'll let you help."
"Fuck yeah!"
With that the head of his cock nudged against your cunt, already spread and waiting for him. How long had he been doing this for? The burn of the stretch was delicious, he was just big enough to fill you up but not hurt. Settling right up to kiss the tip of your cervix when he bottomed out. His hands grip at your thigh and hip, pulling his back to slam his cock right back into you. Over and over, over and over, over and over. Practically using you as a fleshlight to get himself off but damn if it didn't feel good, him bouncing you on his cock so roughly each thrust was sending the headboard against the wall.
"Oh fuck...oh fuck, Katsuki!" Your hands pat around and eventually find his biceps and you cling on for dear life, your nails digging crescent shaped markings into his skin.
"Yeah, yeah...you like this form of stress relief, don'tcha you dirty slut?" Undoing the collar around his neck the frayed cloth of the strap is tied around your neck, the buckle clamping down tightly to constrict your airflow while two fingers slip under it to pull and tug. "You're my dirty fucking slut! Mine...mine...mine...mine, fucking mine!"
Your fingers trailed down the tiny amount of space between your bodies down to the precious, neglected nub between your legs. Barely able to wiggle your index and middle finger down there from the rabid fucking you were receiving to circle the bundle of nerves and send yourself over the edge. Each clap of your thighs smacking against each other forcing your hate for his behavior ebbing away. If he was going to act like this all the time how could you kick him out?
"F-fuck! Gonna cum...fucking cum..cum for me. Cum with me!" Katsuki snarled as the pressure around your throat increased. Your hand was smacked away from your clit and was replaced with the large pad of his thumb, frantic circles sending your body into a writhing mess of flails and kicks.
The orgasm that had been steadily building from your ministrations had been ripped away and replaced with one quickly approaching to push you over the edge. The white hot pleasure-coil that formed underneath your belly button snapped and all of it coursed through your system in one go. Paralyzing your body for a split second as you squirted all over the hybrids cock, his still rubbing hand sending the liquid everywhere. Coating his thighs, your thighs and the bed underneath you.
"Fucking fuck! Such a whore, such a dirty girl for me! Oh my fucking g-god!" One last slam of his hips and his own body stilled, burying his cock deep inside your cunt to shoot his cum deep in your womb. He stuttered before his body collapsed on top of you, suffocating you in his sweaty muscles.
Bathing in the afterglow, coming down from your high you could've sworn you heard something. Mumbling, soft mumbling too indistinct to understand. Katsuki's head laying on your shoulder, his nose brushing along your collarbone and was he laying kisses here and there? No, you must've been seeing things. Still buried to the hilt he turned his head to speak, his fluffy ears perked and his tail gently swishing behind him. The sudden light from your phone illuminated the room, casting light on Katsuki's face and the sight made your breath hitch in your throat. Clearly he had been crying. Tear stains streaked down his cheeks, brows knitted together and the same lost look he had plastered on his face appeared again.
"Please, please don't kick me out. I'll do anything, please...please don't abandon me. Not again." His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer as he hid his face in your neck. Voice breaking, shoulders trembling, the verge of crying all over again quickly approaching.
Your heart broke and you returned the favor by hugging him around the shoulders, a hand carding through his hair to soothe him. Had he been abandoned? Did his previous owners not like him? Was all his aggressiveness some kind of defense mechanism? Was he giving you a reason to kick him out to keep himself from experiencing that kind of pain again? Oh, poor baby. "Never again...just don't destroy things anymore, okay? Help me around the place a little more will ya?"
"Yes." Katsuki snuggled on top of you. Finally believing he had a real home with you, a place where he could belong. "....Master."
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gemsofgreece · 2 years
Note
How much is Greece dependent on other countries?
Hmmm this is a very complex topic. I'll try to touch it but don't hold me too much to it because, as we all know, I am no political analyst and I may be mistaken.
Greece is me when I skate on ice. Every single time I had been grasping others to help me keep my balance and as a result I never fell, thinking I was doing pretty well, while I was throwing over everyone around me.
Okay, serious answer now:
First of all, Greece has no guarantor powers. (It did have gp but like 200 years ago.) It is itself a guarantor power for Cyprus (God help them XD just a lil joke). Furthermore, recently Greece has become the safeguard policing North Macedonia's airspace, at least for as long as the general Prespes agreement survives before blowing up, as it is equally loathed by the people of both countries.
Anyway, if you ask literally any Greek, they will tell you Greece is the most embarrassingly dependent country in the globe. I am coming to the realisation that this is not exactly true or at least the truth is not as dishearteningly bad.
You see, Greece realised very early in its modern existence that by being a state in a by default restless region (Balkans, Eastern Mediterranean), it would inescapably find itself sooner or later in a tornado of developments it couldn't control. Greece knew it was bound to be dependent, so the most consistent and in the grand scheme of things perhaps successful political move it managed to pull off was to partly transform those relations of dependency into relations of co-dependency to the extent this was possible of course.
We like to focus on everything Greece has done terribly but again, in the grand scheme of things, let's not forget Greece doubled its size and population in 100 years and quadrupled it within 150 years. That's no little thing for a few people who for 400 years had not a single school or hospital in their lands. It achieved it by both fighting but also persuading much more powerful and politically clever countries that it was somehow the best bet for them if it succeeded.
After WW2 (from which Greece has suffered greatly) Greece sensed that the new trend in the world was to be a peaceful, stable, civilized nation. This is the direction it has been working on obsessively ever since. But it is not just pretense; Greece really doesn't want war and conflict at all. Not all its neighbours think the same though. So what Greece did, it started showering with friendship literally everyone who was willing to accept it. Greece has no truly bad relations except with the few who make territorial claims and their best friends. Greece also squeezed itself in every alliance in existence. It is a member of NATO since 1952 and the tenth member of EU (1981). In fact, the other EU members were sceptical about accepting Greece because a) it was the first Eastern European country to get in the union, b) it was still weak economically and c) it was just getting out of a dictatorship. Yet, Greece with frankly a bunch of ideological bullshit managed to convince them XD and as we all know this led to the Euro crisis lmao. Anyway, Greece has good or decent relations with most of Europe, the North and South American countries, most Arabic and middle Eastern countries, the North African countries and all countries with considerable Greek diaspora or Christian orthodox believers. Greece also tries to be on good terms with great powers, it has always balanced between USA, Russia and China like a juggler and is on good terms with all of them. Or at least it was before Greece started having casualties in its major minority in Ukraine and the last days Greece and Russia's relations have turned into shit, maybe for the first time ever. [EDIT: Just clarifying, Greece was vocal against the invasion in Ukraine from the beginning, it's just that after also Greek people started dying, the two countries started attacking directly each other verbally.]
Greece has always tried to involve as many nations as possible, because it has always felt threatened, and it wanted to ensure that if shit hits the fan, other nations would be affected enough to try to aid or prevent its further destruction. Whether the plan will succeed or not I don't know at all but this is how she tries to operate anyhow. For example, one of the reasons the EU didn't kick out Greece during the crisis is because if it did, that would cause a chain of events that would destroy others financially too.
The root of the crisis problem is that Greece had been taking massive loans ever since the modern state's foundation. And while at first this was more than understandable because Greece was literally founded on a land of ashes, 150 years later Greeks were having fewer and fewer excuses. And yet somehow foreign powers kept falling in the trap for a long time because the terrible and corrupted Greek politicians have always been mismanaging the loans for their own individual benefit. This needs to be clear: the true problem in Greece are the internal affairs, not the external. Foreign powers were convinced to invest and get involved in Greece's affairs and thus were giving the loans honestly hoping to strengthen Greece because then they would technically be controlling a more powerful and reliable nation. It is very surprising that it took Westerners so long to realise the shitstorm they had been lured in. But if Greece had managed the loans correctly and fairly for these last 200 years, we would be now talking about a country of decent, even considerable power.
So what is it that holds Greece together and not anyone has shot it down yet and be done with it? XD
Save for the financial mismanagement, Greece is sincerely reliable in other crucial factors:
1. It is one of the most (if not the most) internally and externally stable countries in the Balkans and Eastern Mediterranean. It is genuinely friendly and peaceful to everyone who has no claims on it. In this way, it is a safe "haven" for the great powers (ahem *USA military bases*) to check and control what is going on in the restless regions nearby.
2. It has an important geostrategic position and extended control in the Mediterranean sea west, east and south. And here's a potentially surprising fact for you:
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Greece is the largest ship owner in the world, followed by China and Japan. It used to be higher I believe, in its prime it was close to a 50% or so I think, unless I am saying crap, but anyway you get the idea. Now, you may ask how Greece does so bad financially when it has such a huge merchant fleet, YOU TELL ME ANON! I believe the tychoons and the state had some serious downfalls, I don't know much about that. But it gives you an idea about what kind of opportunities Greece has and what useless politicians who shoot everything down it is doomed to live with.
3. Greece relies a lot on others if a threat knocks its door, however it doesn't senselessly relies exclusively on others. While military statistics are all over the place on the web, generally in the EU Greece is 4-5th in power rankings, in Europe overall including Russia it's in the top 10 and in the world is in the top-30 out of about 140 countries. Top-20 in the air forces and navy in specific. Which is not bad if we consider Greece is 96th in size and 87th in population. So it is disproportionately considerable and if EU faces problems, Greece is counted on to contribute more than wait to be saved. Unfortunately :P Just kidding.
But in the internal affairs, progress, fund management, transparency and fighting corruption, we are doing very very bad. VERY bad.That's what is holding us back and make us depend on others. So I guess in short Greece is dependent but also determined to take you all down with it so pls protec it XD
PS. We will die all alone ✌️
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tsunderedoctor · 3 years
Text
What the OP Boys Would do if You Have a Bad Day
Part 1 for now 
Part 2 in the foretold future (aka when I get the time to use my laptop-)
Monkey D. Luffy
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Boy struggles with his self-hatred on important dates in time. Remembering past friends and family who passed is one of his biggest self-hatred motivators. So he does understand when there are times when you are down too! However, he also knows his way to cope might not be the same as how you cope, but it doesn’t mean he can’t try!
Will start by sniffing out the area thinking your feelings are coming from some unknown danger to him. If nothing on the outside around you seems off he concludes it’s something on the inside! After this he will began to come up with his own reasons why you are in a sad/sour mood: stomach ache, motion sickness, boredom, things that usually would resonate with him. If it’s none of those he will just point blank ask you at this point. 
“Want some meat? You can wear my hat if you want. I can do an impression on whoever you want!” 
Literally just naming out things he knows cheers people up and if none of them work he is stomped! Baby literally cannot process how to help you, will mostly just bug the hell out of you the entire time until you tell him how to help you-
So just tell him.
Roronoa Zoro
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He can be observant when he wants to be (a man only motivated by alcohol and swords-), unfortunately he sucks at people skills-
He knows you’re upset/angry/sad, he just doesn’t know how to fix it. Would offer if you want to spar with him since that’s how he copes, if you are weaker however or don’t prefer fighting he would ask if you want to watch him. Would not offer you alcohol (both due to not wanting to lose his precious and not getting you used to coping this way-).  
If he sees you cry the dude will lose it a mixture between “Who hurt you?!” and “Stop it!” Truly hates it when you cry because he feels he is failing at his job to protect you (even if you never told him to-). If you want him to do something for you, use this time wisely cause he will do whatever he has to in order to get you to stop crying.
Not the best at giving comfort, but will lend you an ear to listen to you rant. Would also give you advice to cut whoever hurt you. If you are having more self-hatred he would understand and embarrassingly admit his favorite parts about you in order to help you see how people care about you.
Vinsmoke Sanji
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Would spoil you (more than usual) to make your day better! Compliments, gifts, food the whole galore! He can sense the moment you wake up that you were off mentally (Vinsmoke senses? Who knows-), will bust through the door and begging you to tell him how to fix it. Honestly you might not even realize you’re in a foul mood until he tells you-
Tells everyone not to mess with/tease you constantly- “They’re having a down day, so Luffy stop talking.”
Will make your favorites and force everyone to eat it/say how good it is- Will also tell you every reason why he loves you (even if they make no sense) and gets you flowers, chocolates, hugs just everything.
The man is like the king when it comes to comfort due to the fact he will legit do whatever you ask of him. “Tell me I’m pretty.” Done. “Am I a good person?” The best in the world. “What if I turn into a worm?” You can have a worm themed wedding-
Just a good puppy trying to please his master-
Trafalgar D. Water Law
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The best (worst-) at handling you when you are having a bad day. Will totally doctor nag you the entire time. 
“Did you drink water? No? That’s why you’re depressed.”
“Did you get enough sleep? You didn’t? That’s why you’re agitated-” 
Will not feel sorry for you if it’s due to your own health neglect; however do not be surprised if after he lectures you, you find some onigiri left out for you or just a randomly placed hoodie you can take a nap with.  
If it’s something more mental (as in someone hurt your feelings or you hurt your own feelings) he will just listen to you rant while wearing his usual grumpy facial features. In the inside he’s annoyed at who hurt you (even if you did it yourself-) and is contemplating on how to handle the situation. He won’t try to cheer you up and will give you some sound advice in the end, he won’t force you to take it either, you have to make your own decisions on that.
Is a sucker for tears though; oh boy it’s downhill now. Just in complete shock and can’t talk. Unlike Zoro though, he won’t do anything to make you stop crying. Will just throw a hoodie/Bepo at you and leave- baby can’t handle that-
Eustass “Captain” Kid
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Comfort? Him? Okay maybe just a little-
A tsundere where it matters, but deep down cares about you, he just sucks at showing it (and without insulting you first-). Will mock you for letting things get to you, and let’s all be fair here; was probably the cause of your bad day.
Boy just loves to fight, gives him a rush to see you all pissed at him over something stupid he did or said. However, he will shut up completely once he sees even a shine of wetness in your eyes. All that adrenaline is out the window and guilt has overtaken his system. 
IF by some chance it wasn’t him who hurt you and it was someone else; please expect to see them get their ass beat. He doesn’t give a shit who the person is either, if they made you cry, they lost all respect from him (which wasn’t much so-). Might have you watch him beat them too, or if it’s too much/you are in a state where you can’t handle it, will bring you a bodily souvenir.
 Is the type to suggest you take out your anger in some violent way whether it’s breaking vases or faces, he doesn’t care. “Get the bat babe, we’re going out.”
Killer
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He’s the Teddy Bear troupe kind of guy, fight me on it-
Is worried about you the moment you show any low level cues you are having a rough time. Will suggest things you have mentioned in the past that have helped you relax. If you can’t do any of those things or is too down to do anything he will suggest things he knows help him (usually cuddles-).
Will let you play with his hair while you rant about your feelings and how they came to be in that place. Isn’t as bad as Kid, but does imagine what it would be like to show you that you don’t have to worry about a person who upset you because they are dead (if you suggest it though, I mean he ain’t gonna say no).
Babe just wants you to know how much he loves you and needs you in his life; you helped and accepted so much of him he can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose you. So if you are having any negative thoughts, please be honest and tell him, cause he will make them go away in no time. 
Also please tell him if Kid says anything mean to you because he has no problem kicking his captain-
Portgas D. Ace
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A sweet pup who just loves to love you. Has no problems if you are having a bad day and honestly same boo, it be like that sometimes. I feel he is the most normal (well close to it anyway) on handling your bad day. Will suggest a few ideas and let you decide. If none sound good, then he wants you to think of something. 
Will make jokes with you and try fun things to distract your mind. The type who doesn’t like to sit in the past and would rather see the future. So makes plans with you on random things to help clear any stress out of you. 
If you are crying would throw his hat on you without saying anything and find the asshole who hurt you to talk to them. If it was something you personally feel will wait to you’re done crying and have the talk with you (Dateline meme “Take a seat”-).
By the end of the day, you honestly forgot you were even upset and that’s his main goal. He wants you to remember all the fun and great things in the world, rather than think about the negative parts we can’t control.
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cloudy-leonhart · 3 years
Note
Oooo would you want to do a drabble for Porco?? Like maybe he's the reader's bff and one day he's next to her, going over like mission plans and he just leans over and kisses her👀
I like this!! This is cute!! I need to write more for Porco anyways ^^ I’m excited to write this!! tbh I didn’t even mean to go into an angsty argument in this fic- it just happened outta nowhere- I still hope it’s up to your satisfaction anon!
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breaking point. | porco g.
summary: Porco always stuck to you like superglue. You and him have always been like two peas in a pod ever since you were kids, you even enlisted with him to the military. With growing up and going through puberty, Porco’s thought of you as someone more than just a friend and he wants to show you.
Pairings: Porco x Reader.
Theme: fluff/angst ig?.
female reader.
TW: swearing, arguing, kiss-kiss scene lol.
Recommended Song: Sunflower. - Rex Orange County.
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"Good morning, guys, Porco!" You chirpped, seeing him give you a small wave as you entered the meeting room, you saw Reiner, Pieck and Zeke sitting in their seats, Reiner was deep in thought, Pieck was taking a nap on the couch, and Zeke was taking a drag of his cigar as usual.
You excused yourself as you squeezed by Reiner to sit beside Porco who greeted you wth a small head pat as he leaned back into his seat, Pieck rose from her spot as she smiled lazily at you.
"I was thinking of eating out together today, how about it, guys?" She asked as she yawned, Zeke hummed and shook his head, "I've got business, rain check?" Pieck nodded and glanced at Reiner, awaiting his answer.
"I guess I can go." Reiner responded, he looked in a daze, like he just woke up from a nap. Pieck's gaze turned to Porco and you, but before any of you could answer, the General entered the room, catching all of your attention. "Sorry Pieck, Porco and Reader will be helping with planning a mission." You could see Pieck deflate a bit, sighing but still nodding, understanding.
“Sorry Pieck, promise we’ll make it up to you, right Pock?” You looked over to Porco, who was scratching his head in boredom, nodding subconsciously. General Magath looked around the room before closing the door and starting their meeting for the day.
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“I’ll be heading out you two, we need those plans before this weekend, so please get it done, choose who’ll be sent out soon or we’ll have to send all of you out.” General Magath reminded you and Porco once again as both of you nodded and said your goodbyes, you looked out of the window of the room, raising your hand to measure the time of day.
“What are you doing?” Porco suddenly chirped, you jumped looking behind you, “Checking the time.” You answered returning back to look at the sunset, “how do you know?” Porco prodded more. “Reiner taught me, when we uh..went to Paradis.” You mumbled, your voice starting sound small as you continued.
“He taught you? I probably could’ve done better.” Porco scoffed. He looked over the map of next week’s mission again to try and distract himself from talking about Reiner. “Don’t start with that again, Pock. He’s a helpful person.” You wanted to defend Reiner, you knew that he did a lot of things wrong, although most of it is unforgivable, you’re not a saint either.
“Helpful my ass, all he did was stand there while my brother was being eaten by a Titan.” He growled kicking the table in annoyance and anger. “I, couldn’t do anything either. I’m as much to blame as he is, Pock..” you reasoned with Porco, he rolled his eyes. “yeah, but how could you help, Reiner held you back, he basically said that he was a lost cause. Don’t try to defend him any longer.” You spun around to face Porco.
“Pock, enough!” You wanted to stop the conversation from progressing, but Porco didn’t. “No! You used to be so happy when we were kids, Reader!” You stayed silent, Porco took your silence as a sign to keep going. “Going to Paradis did something to you and none of you won’t tell me. That Ymir girl barely has any memories that could tell me shit about why you’re like this!” He cried out.
You sighed out of stress, he was pushing it and you weren’t ready to talk about it. Both you and Porco stood silent in the room, seconds feeling like minutes. You didn’t know what to say, what could you say? what’ll he take as a valid reason as to why you aren’t the same girl he used to know?
You looked at his reflection from the window, your hands clenched out of stubbornness and guilt, before turning around to face your best friend. You couldn’t even get a breath in when you felt soft lips on yours.
Your eyes were blown wide, Porco’s hands held your cheeks, almost squishing it. He was holding it as if you would pull away the second he loosens his grip. You felt yourself stiff in a few seconds in before relaxing, your eyes fluttered close as you reached your arm to wrap around his neck. Porco took this as an okay to hold you by the hips, his hands pulled you closer as you slower broke apart.
You took a breath as soon as his lips left yours, feeling like you were cloud nine after that kiss. Porco looked at you with a flushed expression, his hands gripped you embarrassingly. “I..” Porco didn’t know what to say, “I didn’t mean to do that, well I did- but-“ He jumbled his words as he looked at anything but your eyes, which stared at him with a joyous tint.
“It’s okay, Pock. I understand what you meant.” You smiled softly, still holding onto his figure. He thought his face couldn’t get any warmer as he stopped functioning. You could understand, both of you never really had time for love. Especially now, you and him barely have any time left.
“I just didn’t know what to do, I thought I was losing you. The real you.” Porco sighed as he put his forehead against yours, your noses almost touching. It felt ticklish, his staggered breath fanning your skin, he was gonna cry.
“I know, I’m sorry I made you feel like that, Pock. I promise I’ll tell you when I’m ready. You’ll wait, won’t you?” You mumbled, your hand reaching his cheek to cradle it ever so gently. He nodded, understanding as he placed a sneaky cheek kiss before a booming voice pulled you both away.
“Finally! I thought you guys would never tell each other!” Zeke rejoiced as Pieck and Reiner stood with happy smiles and even a little clapping. Porco stood dumbfounded before his face morphed into embarrassment and horror. “you watched us?! How much did you idiots see?! I’m going to literally destroy you guys-“ Zeke laughed as Porco was a flustered mess.
“We saw almost the whole thing bud. We heard arguing and thought you guys were absolutely wrecking the place, fighting and all.” Pieck’s gentle explanation calmed Porco a little bit before you started laughing. “I told you it would work.” Zeke nudged Reiner with his arm as the blonde rubbed his arm, “I wasn’t even apart of this..” Reiner mumbled.
You smiled as Porco continued to scold, at least try to scold Zeke and Pieck. The odds of Porco liking you? Who would’ve thought. “Alright, enough scolding and teasing, now who wants to go eat out? Im starving!” You pushed through your friends and your maybe potential boyfriend.
“Oh! I get to pick where we eat!” Pieck called out, latching her arm as Porco walked beside you. You looked over to him as he glanced at you, with a small smile of course. You took hold of his hand as you both continued to walk, Zeke and Reiner followed right behind.
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troubatrain · 3 years
Text
runaway (part two) - n. patrick
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a/n: shoutout to tumblr being down and not having work because i somehow cranked out both of these parts in one day. i’ve settled on this series being a small series of smut that sort of just follows a storyline and i’m really excited about it. anyways i’m tagging @hookingminor​ for reading this while i wrote it and gassing me up and @princessphilly​ & @texanstarslove​ because it’s whore hours here
warnings - smut this is all literally smut
part one - part three
It was St. Patrick’s day in Boston, and Nolan was hoping that a second round of luck was on its way. Nolan hadn’t seen much of you since you left to go home a few days after that night. You were living in his head rent fucking free, and it was unfair. It was unfair that he got to see every thirst trap you posted on Instagram, but he’d be damned if he thought about liking it. It was unfair that you were definitely Kevin’s favorite sibling and he talked about you all time. It was unfair he had to watch Kevin make out with some chick while he couldn’t do anything about you across the bar. And it was beyond cruel that you were shaking your ass with your roommates in a too big Celtics jersey and Nolan couldn’t do anything to ward off the dudes who had their eyes on you. His grip on his beer tightened, knuckles white and anger coursing through his veins while you rejected the like fifth guy that night.
“Hey dude, keep an eye on her okay?” Kevin asks, snapping Nolan out of his thoughts while he got ready to head out with his friend in tow. The Flyers had played a hard fought afternoon game against the Bruins, and with a day off promised the next day Nolan was sure it was going to be a late night, “I’m serious Patty, she’s two tequila shots with TK away from a mess.”
“I think I can handle your sister,” Nolan scoffs, eager to get Kevin the fuck out of that bar so he could talk to you for more than five minutes. He watched Kevin leave, turning his attention to you and smiling when he saw you laughing with your friends.
“Boston in Boston? It’s like seeing you in your natural habitat,” Nolan jokes, a hand landing on your lower back. You laugh, throwing your head and wrapping your arms around Nolan’s waist. You looked around, your brother was nowhere to be seen and you thought the coast was clear, “He’s gone.”
“Do I want to know?” You ask, scrunching up your nose knowing damn well why your brother left early. Nolan shook his head, sparing you the details and smirking at you, “And what about you Patty? Chasing a girl out of here too?”
“Unless it’s you,” Nolan husks in your ear, his deep voice sent shivers down your spine, a calloused finger slipping over the basketball jersey you stole from one of your brothers, “We had so much fun last time.”
You did have fun. You were sad and Nolan was making you feel infinitely better. Now some time has passed, the wounds on your heart healing and single life was good. Nolan’s eyes were staring into yours, holding your gaze while you decided what to do. On one hand, one time was one thing but twice was another. How long could you fuck around with Nolan before Kevin caught on? Probably a while given your brother wasn’t always the brightest, but he’d figure it out eventually.
“Take me home Nolan,” You breathe, sliding out of your phone and ordering the quickest Uber you could to your place. Nolan was grinning, hands wrapped around your waist when you were finally free from the eyes of his teammates.
Your apartment was the complete opposite of Kevin’s. Nolan’s eyes scanned over the art prints and pictures of your family that decorated the walls, his eyes scanning the titles that lined up against your record player. Maybe you had more in common than Nolan thought. He’d overthink it later, because your lips were on his neck and your fingers were toying with his zipper and if he didn’t find a release soon he’d lose it. You were the best he’s had, Nolan spent countless nights alone using that night to get himself off. You got him off. You were irresistible, and it was going to get Nolan in trouble.
Your fingers unhooked Nolan’s jeans, pulling the zipper and going down with it. Nolan groans, tilting your chin up to look at him, his finger ran across your lip. You took it into your mouth, Nolan’s eyes practically rolling to the back of his head, “You’re trouble.”
“Haven’t you heard, I’ve never done anything wrong in my life?” You muse, pulling Nolan’s boxers down, springing his cock free. Nolan had heard all about it, Kevin’s perfect baby sister, who was smarter than anyone he knew and had a heart of gold. You were perfect but it was more about how good your mouth looked when you took his cock into your mouth and less about what your brother thought. Your fingers were tracing his thigh tattoos, your mouth popping off his dick and your attention on those, “I like these.”
“Me too, but if you could maybe,” Nolan whines, an actual plea to get your mouth back where he needed it most. His hands were in your hair, and if he didn’t think you’d smack the shit out of him he would’ve moved your head himself.
“Like this?” You press a kiss to the tip of his dick, letting your mouth hover just above it. You bat your eyelashes, watching the way Nolan’s face was getting redder the more you egged him now. You lick the underside of his cock, tracing a vein as slowly as you could, “Or like this?”
“If you don’t start being a good girl I’m not going to let you cum,” Nolan growls, his voice deep and raspy, a chill running up your spine. You rub your thighs together, Nolan’s voice was fucking delicious. You take him into your mouth, bobbing your head while Nolan hit the back of your throat, “Fuck, can I-”
You nod, feeling Nolan’s dick twitch in your mouth and his cum hit the back of your throat, he let out a groan. You swallow as much as you could, finally take your mouth off Nolan’s cock and let the rest spill down your chin. Nolan slides his thumb across your jaw, picking up his cum and pushing it into your mouth, groaning when you happily obliged, “Do I get to cum now?”
Nolan chuckles, lacing his fingers with yours and letting you drag him into your bedroom. You tossed the jersey, sliding off your jeans and leaving yourself in the matching black lace set you were grateful you chose to wear, “Look at you.”
“You’re so fucking sexy.”
“All of this for me?”
“I’m going to ruin you.”
Nolan’s words were pressed against your skin while he took his time with you, running his hands all over your body. His hands grip your thighs, turning you around, “Get on your knees for me.”
You nod, biting your lip when you could feel Nolan’s breath fanning your pussy, his finger slips under your panties, sliding them down pressing kisses to your ass, “Nolan enough teasing.”
You were whining, whimpering when Nolan’s hand came in contact with your ass, his tongue was flat against your pussy, teasing even more, “I said good girl.”
A finger slid inside you, and you let out a moan that was embarrassingly loud, Nolan’s name slipping from your lips while you begged for more. You needed to get off, so worked up past the point of no return. Nolan slid in a second finger, curling his fingers inside you and pressing a kiss dangerously close to your asshole, “You can Nols.”
You were his dream girl, that’s it, you were Nolan Patrick’s dream girl and he couldn’t have you. He groans against your skin, his tongue rimming your hole and pushing his fingers inside your pussy faster. You were soaked, clenching around Nolan’s fingers and letting out a scream. You fish out a condom from your nightstand, tossing it to Nolan and muttering something under your breath, “What was that Boston?”
“Want you inside me,” You breathe you, shaking your ass in front of Nolan because you wanted him so badly. Nolan’s eyes went darker, rolling on the condom and slipping inside of you. He gave just a second to adjust before his hands were on your hips and he was pushing you into your mattress, “Fuck, I missed your cock.”
“Yeah?” Nolan muses, his pace steady while you fall apart underneath him, “I’m only the person who makes you feel like this huh?”
“Yes, fuck, Nolan I’m going to cum again,” You pussy tightened around Nolan’s cock, pulling his second high out of him and into the condom.
You finally fell onto the bed, fucked into oblivion. The grip you had on your sheets was released, Nolan admiring you below him. Slow breaths escaped your lips, your eyes closing and opening from how tired you were, “We’re never going to be able to stop doing this are we?”
“I think we’re going to have to do this a few more times,” You agree, poking one eye open while Nolan tossed you a t-shirt from your dresser, “I’ll be back in Philly soon.”
“Really?” Nolan smiles, kissing your head while he got himself dressed. He didn’t want to leave, another time where he wanted to hold you and press his lips against all the spots he marked on you, but getting caught wasn’t an option.
“I have a Grad School interview at UPenn,” You muse, sliding on the t-shirt and tucking yourself into bed, “It’s not a big deal-”
“Sounds like a pretty big deal,” Nolan disagrees, hoping he could steal you for a night away from your brother. He took one more look at you, biting his lip and thinking about just saying fuck it and staying but he knew he just couldn’t, “See you then Boston.”
Nolan heard one protest about how you hated that nickname, laughing to himself and throwing on the hoodie he thought was his. It was dark, and before Nolan could catch his mistake he was sporting a Boston College hoodie while he left your place - hoping there wasn’t a chance he’d run into Kevin. He made it to his hotel room without seeing anyone, a throat clearing when he finally got into his room. Travis’s voice echoed through the room.
“Is that Kevin’s? What is he dressing you now?”
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morganaspendragonss · 3 years
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holly's august extravaganza day 17: you and me (moving through this world as a two-man team)
for both my incredible birthday twin jenny (@laelipoo) and a little bit for myself! i hope you are having a wonderful, wonderful day and i wish you all the love in the world. i'm so glad we became friends and i cannot tell you how glad i am for our conversations 🥰🥰🥰
many, many, many thanks to jenny as well for helping me out with the plot!
ao3 | 3.1k | firefighter carlos, hurt/comfort, pining, developing relationship, major character injury (two of them 😌)
TK does not have a crush on the 126's latest hire.
Carlos Reyes: an Austin local, an incredible firefighter, and—objectively speaking—the most beautiful man TK has ever laid eyes on. Which is, in fact, the entire point; TK has eyes and, yes, he will use them to sneak a look or two when he’s suddenly sharing space with a man who looks like a Greek god.
That does not mean he has a crush, Paul.
(and, sure, maybe he does sometimes dream about how soft Carlos’s lips look and the soft blush he gets when he laughs and those little flecks of gold in his eyes, but he’s only human)
(how TK knows about the gold in Carlos’s eyes is none of anybody’s business)
The thing about Carlos Reyes is that he isn’t only stupidly hot; he’s also just plain nice. TK can’t even make up a flimsy excuse to keep his distance. Carlos is, quite literally, perfect.
He shares recipes and book recommendations with Paul, he spars with Marjan, he discusses superheroes with Mateo, and Judd has had nothing but good things to say since before Carlos even joined them. Apparently they’d worked together a lot before the explosion, when Carlos was with the 116, and he’s ‘one of the best damn firefighters’ Judd has ever seen.
He even makes time to hang with the paramedics, which...isn’t a new development, exactly. But it is recent, and TK is willing to bet they’d still be pretty divided if Tim hadn’t suddenly transferred back to Maryland and he hadn’t taken the leap to be a full paramedic.
Even after that… His friends were hardly going to abandon him after he switched, but Nancy had still only been semi-included at best. She’d called him out about it during their first week working together, but fixing it had been a slow process.
Until Carlos came along, that is. Excluding Judd, they all regularly hang out at his place now, and Nancy’s inclusion had never even been a question. Safe to say, Carlos has charmed everyone in the firehouse, including both captains, and the worst part is, he doesn’t seem to realise he’s doing it.
He’s perfect, from his freakishly toned body to his infuriatingly sweet personality to his incredible skills in the field, and TK does not have a crush, goddammit!
One morning about three weeks after Carlos’s arrival, TK is greeted in the firehouse by the sound of a long, beautiful laugh coming from the kitchen. Three weeks is an embarrassingly short amount of time to admit that he’s memorised everything about him, but he instantly recognises the noise as coming from Carlos, even if he can’t see him yet.
He saunters into the kitchen, where Carlos is standing with Paul, and leans up against the counter. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Carlos turns with a winning smile and holds out a steaming mug of coffee, clearly freshly made even though TK only got in two minutes ago.
He blinks. “How—” Then, taking in the slight pinkness to Carlos’s cheeks, “Are you seriously offering me your own coffee, Reyes?”
Carlos shrugs, forcing the mug into TK’s hands. “I only just made it so technically it belongs to anyone, and I can always make another,” he says. “Besides, you look like you could use it more than me.”
His grin has TK narrowing his eyes and stubbornly refusing to drink even though Carlos is right—he really, really needs it.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was an insult.”
“Who says you do know better?”
TK splutters, momentarily left speechless in the face of Carlos’s smile and the twinkle in those goddamn eyes. He turns to Paul for help, but Paul...has disappeared. Huh. TK honestly hadn't noticed him go.
He shakes his head and looks back to Carlos, only to be stunned silent again by the way his smile has softened into something else, something more.
TK’s heart skips a beat or two and he swallows, staring down into Carlos’s coffee. “Whatever, Reyes,” he mutters.
It was too late for a witty comeback anyway.
Carlos’s laugh follows him out of the kitchen, and TK wonders when, exactly, he let himself fall this far.
*
“Earth to TK? Hello?”
TK is rudely snapped back to reality by one Nancy Gillian’s hand waving violently in his face. He scowls at her, to which she responds with an eye roll.
“Stop drooling over your man and come help me with inventory.”
“I’m not drooling,” TK argues, following her over to the rig. “And he’s not my man.”
“Right,” Nancy drawls, folding her arms over her chest as she leans against the ambulance. “So you’re just going to deny that weird energy around you two that makes the rest of us feel like we’re creeping on something?”
“Exactly.” TK nods emphatically, then frowns. “Wait, what?”
Nancy casts her eyes heavenward. “You know,” she says, “you’re a lot of things, Strand, but I hadn’t pegged you for oblivious.”
TK’s next words are reflexive, said without thought for the consequences—the story of his life, really.
“I’m not oblivious!”
The grin spreading over Nancy’s face rams home just how much he’s fucked up with those three words. TK drops his head in his hands and groans, unable and unwilling to look Nancy in the eye.
“Not a word,” he warns, which Nancy appears to respect, for now. TK is well aware that there will be words—several of them—later, whether he wants them or not.
The thing is, he really isn’t oblivious. He knows perfectly well what Nancy is talking about and he has often fantasised about all the things he’d do to Carlos given half a chance. TK likes Carlos, way more than just in the physical sense, and he’s pretty sure that Carlos likes him right back. It would be so easy to start something between them and, god, TK wants to. He just… He can’t.
One year—that’s what he promised himself back in New York. One year on his own to sort his head out and figure out how he fits back into the world after the overdose. Granted, his sobriety anniversary is only a couple of months away now, but he refuses to give up on his promise, especially when he’s so close.
Maybe in a couple months, if Carlos hasn’t gotten bored of something that’s clearly going nowhere.
But not now.
*
“He did not ask me out!”
“He totally did, dude, and you know it. You want to say yes, I can tell.”
“No, I don’t. I—”
“Children,” Tommy interrupts from the back of the ambulance. They’re heading to a callout, and Nancy has not let up the entire way about something TK is certain never actually happened. “Either of you want to enlighten me on what the argument is about this time?”
“TK’s too chicken to go out with Carlos,” Nancy jumps in, before TK can stop her.
“I am not!” he protests. “Plus, he wasn’t asking me out, he said we should go over to his place for dinner sometime, which Carlos does all the time. So there.”
“Strand, you are not this dense,” Nancy snarks, probably rolling her eyes. “His exact words were, ‘You should come over sometime’.”
“We were all there! It was obviously the plural you.”
“Oh my god—”
“Alright!” Tommy sighs wearily. “Nancy, can we keep from provoking TK until we’re back at the firehouse and he’s no longer driving?”
“Ha!” TK exclaims, but Tommy’s not done.
“TK, if I weren’t your captain, I’d be telling you that Nancy is right and you should pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late, understand?”
Now it’s Nancy’s turn to be triumphant as TK struggles to form a coherent response. Thankfully, he’s saved from further torment by them finally pulling up at the scene—a warehouse where one of the workers had become trapped after parts of the upper level walkway had broken and fallen. Apparently, the falling metal had caused some of the machinery to malfunction, turning the call from simple to beyond complicated in a matter of minutes.
“TK, grab your turnout gear and your bag; I’m sending you in with them,” Tommy informs him as soon as they’re out of the rig. “Normally, we’d just talk the firefighters through it over radio, but given your training it’ll be quicker and safer for you to deal with our patient.”
TK grins; he’s missed the adrenaline rush of running into emergencies more than he can say. “Got it, Cap.”
“Maybe try and look a little less happy about a serious injury, too.”
“Copy that.”
*
The noise when they enter the warehouse is deafening, an ugly screeching cutting right through TK’s skull.
“Shouldn’t they have shut the machines off?” he shouts, fighting to be heard.
“Apparently they can’t,” Judd calls back. “Something wrong with the control panel, I don’t know exactly what.”
TK groans—just what they need. The sound is lost in the din, but Carlos still looks over and gives him a sympathetic grin, shrugging in a ‘what can you do’ motion. TK can’t help but grin back, the mere sight of Carlos easing the annoyance he feels and the headache already beginning to build behind his eyes.
Their patient, when they reach him, is pinned under a large, heavy-looking sheet of metal. He’s bleeding from a gash on his temple and his skin is worryingly pale, to the extent that TK can tell even from a distance. He jogs to the patient’s side and kneels down, pressing his fingers against his neck.
“Cap, I have a pulse,” he reports into his radio after a few seconds. “But he’s unconscious with a head wound, and I think there are probably injuries I can’t see yet. Possible spinal damage, but I can’t tell until we’ve got this metal off him.”
“Copy that,” Captain Vega says. “Get ready to run a line; he’s gonna need it as soon as he’s free.”
TK nods and moves to secure a c-collar around his neck. “We need to cut this thing off of him,” he says, addressing the team. “Quickly, but carefully.”
Judd steps forward, brandishing the saw. He hands TK a couple of spare turnouts and kneels on the patient’s other side. “Couple of you need to cover him, and yourselves.”
TK doesn’t even have to ask before Carlos appears next to him, taking one of the turnouts from him. He smiles gratefully before arranging himself to provide maximum protection to all three of them as Judd starts working on the metal. The vibrations from the saw are unpleasant, and TK dreads to think what effect it’s having on the already unstable machinery, but it’s the only option they have to get their patient free.
Fortunately, everything seems to go off without a hitch, and soon the team are able to remove the metal. TK immediately gets to work, feeling for any damage. As he suspected, there’s a pretty large gash on the man’s leg which is bleeding badly, though thankfully it seems to have missed any arteries. He also seems to have a broken wrist, but he should heal.
TK quickly wraps his leg, then gets Carlos and Judd to help move him onto the spine board. It feels like, for once, the call has gone as smoothly as possible, and TK allows himself a breath of relief as they prep to get the guy outside to the ambulance.
Naturally, that’s when everything goes to hell.
The machine closest to them lets out a threatening groan and shudders before there’s a loud roar and it explodes. On instinct, TK folds himself over the patient as shrapnel rains down on them, and he sees Carlos doing the same in his periphery.
The downpour seems to last forever, but eventually it slows and comes to a stop. TK cautiously lifts his head, his heart pounding, and sags in relief as it seems that the worst is over.
They need to get out of here, now.
He stands, a brief stab of pain running through his back—probably because of his awkward position over the patient—and turns to Carlos, reaching to offer him a hand up.
Only to see Carlos’s face tight with agony, and then the cause—a jagged piece of shrapnel running right through his hand.
“Carlos,” TK breathes, horrified. Carlos looks up at him, his breathing carefully measured and his eyes wide, and TK drops back to his knees, reaching out for him. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, don’t worry.”
Carlos swallows and nods, his eyes squeezing tight. TK’s heart rate skyrockets, and he’s barely able to keep his cool as he signals to the others to get their first patient out of the warehouse.
“Cap, the team are bringing him out, but we have a problem.”
“Talk to me, Strand, what’s going on?”
“It—It’s Carlos.” TK breathes out shakily and takes a moment to steady himself before continuing, “It’s not serious, but some of the machinery broke apart and some shrapnel impaled his hand. I’ve got to stabilise the shard before we come out to you.”
“Alright, but hurry. I don’t want you guys in there for longer than necessary.”
“Copy.”
Stabilising the shrapnel with rolls of gauze and wrapping Carlos’s hand should be a matter of course—it’s an easy process that TK could probably do in his sleep. But this is Carlos, so his damn hands won’t stop shaking and he almost fumbles and drops his supplies.
He manages though, and soon he’s helping Carlos up, instructing him to hold his injured hand above his heart. Carlos sends him a wobbly smile, which ends up turning out to be more of a grimace, but it’s a comfort nonetheless. Things could have gone so much worse today; TK could have even lost him, and he would have never been able to—
But that’s not important. Carlos is okay, or he will be, and they still have plenty of time to figure out whatever this is between them.
Everything will be okay.
TK’s back and side twinge again as they make their way out, but he brushes it off, too focused on getting Carlos to the hospital as fast as possible. Tommy shakes her head as they make their way over, her eyebrows raised despite the concern clearly in her expression.
“Never a peaceful moment with you, Strand, is it?” she asks dryly, hissing as she inspects Carlos’s wound.
“In my defence, Cap,” he says, more at ease now that they’re safe, “it’s not me who’s injured this time.”
Tommy hums, then directs Carlos into the back of the rig, jumping in after him. “Get back here, TK. Nancy’s driving.”
She has a teasing look in her eyes that instantly makes TK suspicious, but he moves to comply, shrugging off his turnout coat as he does. The movement hurts, which is weird, but he thinks nothing of it.
At least, until Tommy’s eyes go wide and she stands from her seat, holding her hands out towards him. “TK, do not move,” she instructs, her eyes firmly fixed on his right side.
TK frowns, then follows her gaze down, and— Oh.
His grey undershirt is stained with blood, and it’s difficult to miss the large piece of metal sticking out of his side. He has no idea how he missed it, but now that he knows, the pain slams into him full force, causing him to stagger.
“Oh,” he gasps, eloquently.
Then, his legs buckle and the world goes black.
*
TK wakes up to a steady beeping sound, which only exacerbates his pounding headache. He groans, scrunching his face up, before slowly peeling his eyes open, almost slamming them shut again after getting an eyeful of obnoxiously bright fluorescents.
“You’re awake,” a voice says, sounding surprised, then the lights suddenly dim, the room lit by the gentle glow of a lamp. TK sighs in relief and shifts to look at his saviour.
It’s Carlos.
“You… You’re here,” TK states, confused. His gaze drifts down Carlos’s body and lands on the white bandages around his hand, the memories of the warehouse suddenly hitting him all at once. “Shit, you— How are you?”
Carlos shakes his head and comes to sit in the chair by TK’s bed. “I can’t believe you’re the one asking me that.”
“I’m a paramedic, it’s my job.”
“Not when you’re the one in the hospital bed,” Carlos counters, sighing. “If you must know, I’m fine. They gave me some pretty good drugs, so…” He shrugs, and TK can’t help but laugh, which proves to be a very bad idea.
His side lights up, an unnecessary reminder that TK is very much not on the good drugs, and he moans softly, slowly settling back in the bed. “I hate you,” he mumbles, eyes closed.
“You love me,” Carlos says, and TK’s heart seizes in his chest.
The silence after his words is deafening, so TK forces himself to crack his eyes open enough to look at him. Carlos is frozen in his chair, biting his lip hard, and he looks like he either wants to bolt or be swallowed by the earth.
TK thinks he should probably be feeling the same. They’ve been dancing around this issue for weeks now, and he’d thought he had it under control. That he could last that little bit longer until his one year was up; that he could ignore these feelings that have been steadily growing since he first laid eyes on Carlos.
It was a hopeless endeavour; he recognises that now. TK remembers the fear he felt when Carlos was injured back at the warehouse, the desperation for him to be better, and now with his own injury…
He could have lost this chance before he ever got it, and TK isn’t about to let it slip through his fingers now. He reaches out and takes Carlos’s good hand, startling him into meeting TK’s eyes.
“Yeah,” TK whispers, just loud enough for Carlos to hear him. “I think I do.”
The smile Carlos gives him lights up the room, and he doesn’t waste any time in leaning down to kiss TK. And it’s… It’s everything TK had hoped and imagined it would be and more. It’s soft and sweet and gentle and perfect, and he never wants it to end.
But end it does, though Carlos doesn’t go far. TK smiles at him, squeezing his hand with all the strength he can muster.
“That’s a yes, by the way,” he says.
Carlos frowns. “What?”
TK’s smile widens and he flicks his eyebrows at Carlos. “To dinner. Or were you not asking me out after all?”
Carlos huffs a laugh, and the look in his eyes when they lock back onto TK’s melts his heart and makes his entire chest ache. “Does Friday work for you?”
He nods, tugging Carlos down for another kiss. “It’s a date.”
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moondustis · 3 years
Text
on the way (m)
pairing: seo johnny + reader genre: angst, smut | word count: 10k summary:  “There’s a few ways you could tell this story. The tale of how you met one Seo Johnny, and how it all went down. But maybe there's no better way to do it than from the beginning.” or A love story told in 5 acts.
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a/n: hello! yes, finally a new fic and yes it is college!au with a hint of fwb. i have been writing this for around 4 months now and i haven’t read some parts in awhile so it’s probably all around the place. if something doesn’t make a lot of sense, well... it is what it is lol. but yeah, hope you guys enjoy it! 
act 1: messy affairs 
See, there’s a few ways you could tell this story. The tale of how you met one Seo Johnny, and how it all went down. But maybe there's no better way to do it than from the beginning.
It’s a friday night, just like any other that happens after a mixture of weekly stress and the weird need to let it all out. It’s common, routine even, how you apply your makeup, pick your best outfit and scroll mindlessly through tinder in wait for your friends to arrive for a pre-game. It's common but not that usual, at least not until recently. 
Your last year of college had brought a lot of feelings that you didn't think you were ready to deal with yet. A nostalgia that arrived too soon, when you would catch yourself thinking that a moment shared with roommates would be the last one. An uncertainty of the future and a constant stress between writing a thesis that somehow is supposed to summarize the entirety of the knowledge you had gotten in the last year. 
And lastly, the reason why you're doing this: the unwavering fear that your life is just about to start. The same feeling you got when college just started, of freedom and new beginnings. But now, instead of the excitement and thrill, it's replaced by anxiety and the heavy weight of adulthood about to start.  That's why you look into the mirror, again, applying your lip gloss with the screen of your phone still illuminated by a picture of a person just waiting to be swiped left or right. You just need to have fun, like you never will again. 
It's that a too harsh way to start this? Well, back to Seo Johnny. 
It's a friday night and your friends arrive, flavored vodka in hand, the cheap kind that tastes like it's not alcoholic at all. A shot for each and then you are all laughing and joking to pass time. 
"Why do we have to pre game? I'm sure there will be plenty to drink." Sarah, a blonde girl with friendly cheeks asks. She tips the shot on her hand back anyway, despite the question. 
"Hell no I'm not going to drink frat booze again, they are cheap." Ela, tall and smart and majoring is Social Politics, says. 
You hum and Sarah asks "And we are not?"
"No, we have our dear friend making us drinks." Ela gestures wildly at Nicole, the bartender of the night who's wearing a dress that only battles your own in the matters of shortness. "We are fancy."
"She's mixing vodka with sprite." These statements make you laugh loudly. 
Tinder is just a distraction as you all sit on the couch, a good way to find an easy date for the night and when the he in question shows up, a black and white picture on the illuminated screen of your phone, it earns a shriek from your friends that go on and on about how hot he looks. 
"You should swipe right." Ela says, eyebrows dancing but you don't see it because you're busy rolling your eyes at your phone. Johnny stares at you. 
"He's my friend." You say as if it's obvious but it's really not. The word friend feels a little weird in your mouth but how else could you describe it? College was good for you in the social aspect, you have a lot of friends, people you talk to in class, or that you meet at parties because you ran in the same circles. It usually doesn't go deeper than that, than a blunt shared or a joke about a teacher, but that's friendship anyway you conclude.
And Johnny , well, he was someone you knew, not well, but sometimes he would text you a joke that made you laugh, ask for help with an assignment, talk to you about anything during a party. He was fun, a friend, and an acquaintance. Whatever, that didn't matter and honestly neither did the way you met, through a mutual friend at a kickback. It was that and nothing more. 
"Please, he flirts with you every chance he gets." Ela rolls her eyes right back at you. 
"He flirts with anyone, I think." You argue, because it's true. Johnny is one of those people that just have this aura to them, that can make anyone interested with just a few words. He's naturally flirty, that's something easy to point out. 
"Well he's hot." That too. 
"True." Nicole says and it earns a deep sigh from you.
Acting on impulse or peer pressure, you don't know exactly, but you swipe right and then nothing happens. So you shrug and throw your phone away to down another shot. 
When you get to the party, it's already absolutely trashed, with freshmen spilling their drinks on the floor as some annoying EDM song blasts loud enough that you’re not very sure the thin windows of this house can handle. Frat parties were always the same, mildly boring and filled with people that didn't know how to act. It often escaped you the reasons why you continued to attend them. 
You and your friends dance a little, laughing when the songs change to one that is even worse than the first one. Ela, despite her words from earlier, finds a bottle of vodka and proclaims loudly that a night can never end badly when it starts with shots, a statement you strongly disagree with but you down it anyway when she offers it and then another one just for good measure. Because it’s a friday, you deserve a little fun, right? Right.
Too tired of dancing you had found a place on a couch that was probably too old. Johnny finds you there when the shots just start to hit and you feel bubbly, like you're on a cloud. 
"Hey there." He says with a blinding smile and if you weren't out of it you'd probably find it weird that he came to you, because most of the time you talked at parties was because you somehow ended up bumping into each other. 
"Hi." You reply, elongating the word more than necessary and it seems to amuse him. 
"Why are you sitting here by yourself?" He asks.
"Don't feel like dancing anymore." You say shrugging. "And what are you doing here sitting with me?" 
You watch as he laughs slowly and fishes for his phone in his pocket. "See, I wanted to show you something." 
It’s endearing, really, even more when his hand starts to wander, fingers barely ghosting your skin as he keeps his gaze glued to your face. 
He kisses you deeply, head tilted to the side as he holds you close with both hands on your cheeks and you can’t do anything but let him take control. Is when he sucks on your bottom lip that you have to let out the moan you had been holding, embarrassingly too soon and only urging him on even more as he licks at your lips, asking for entrance that you so gladly give, letting his tongue slide against yours slowly. The feeling of his hands moving to your leg makes your head spin and want for more.
He kisses the breath out of you, quite literally, and you both have to part to catch it back with silly smiles, gasps of air and pecks still being pressed on your lips. 
In your drunken haze, you smile when he rests his palm on your naked thigh, squeezing just slightly to test your interest. And you’re crazy, absolutely out of your mind because you show it by parting your legs just a little, just to tease, the smile never leaving your face as he mimics it with a subtle raise of his eyebrow. 
And god forgive you for being such a stupid horny girl that just falls gives in so easily, taking Johnny’s wandering hand in yours and dragging him to the closest place you can find, which happens to be someone's bedroom. How nice and polite of you. 
There’s not much beating around the bush. He pushes you into the bed, hovering over you and finally kisses you again, with hunger, hands on your neck and tongue sliding against yours in movements that are not shy from being desperate. And you love it, enough to have your mind swimming with the need to have him touch you anywhere that will make you feel good. 
When you grip at his hair a little too harshly, he lets out a moan that goes straight to the bubble of arousal on the pit of your stomach. He’s a sight, with puffy lips and hair a mess as he drops to his knees in front of you, something you weren’t exactly expecting but will definitely not complain about. 
He looks up at you, hands moving to rest at your thighs and oh, so gently parting them so he can fit in between. “Can I?” You almost die at the voice he asks for your consent in. 
You nod, head spinning a little when you move to help him get yours panties off, the offending cotton fabric being thrown somewhere inside this poor person's bedroom.
A couple of things happen afterwards. Johnny parts your legs further, placing a misplaced kiss on your inner thigh. Then he goes for it with a tentative lick, as if testing the waters and just slightly as if he’s a little unsure of himself. You blink slowly in expectation. 
“How do you like it?” The question makes you confused until you realize that he’s teasing you, a grin splattered across his face when you groan and try to move your hips but he keeps a grip on your legs. 
“Asshole.” You mutter in what sounds more like a whine. 
Which is a complete lie, because you’re already shivering in your skin and he knows that by the raise of his eyebrow in defiance. But still, your words spark something and he finally goes for it. 
The first press of his tongue flat against you has your hands moving to grip at the bed sheets. He works in a pace that clearly shows that he knows what he’s doing, swirling his tongue a little to tease and then licking a stripe from your entrance to your clit to gather the wetness there. 
He kisses your cunt the exact same way he did your lips, messily and desperate with the squelchy noises filling the room and setting your cheeks in heat from embarrassment. You don’t even need the long fingers he adds, slowly and then matching the pace of his sucks. 
It’s a very quick orgasm, in the sense that it doesn’t take you half the time you thought it would to happen. He does a little thing with his tongue, flicking your clit and you’re crying out with your body arching from the bed as he continues to eat you out as your body trembles. 
“Was I good?” He asks afterwards, words muffled because he’s still pressed against your bare center. He’s grinning, you can see it as well as the wetness that drips on his chin. 
You don't reply, instead you push him upwards and kiss him again, tasting yourself on his tongue. You can feel his erection press against your hip when he brings you closer and it makes you want more. 
He breaks the kiss then, palm comes to rest on your cheek, thumb on the other side of your face as he keeps you looking at him. He likes being in control, you have realized that even in this short interaction, and you apparently liked giving it to him. 
You shiver when he brushes his thumb on your lips, getting them to part for him. “There you go, open your mouth.” He whispers, eyes glued to it. “Be good." 
Parting your lips, you lick at his thumb before you’re sucking it, earning a grunt from him that almost makes you smirk. You put on a show, trying to get him as worked up as you are, your eyes not leaving his face.
“Fuck. You’re so hot.” He mutters, pressing his thumb on your tongue and you moan a little over it. “You want my cock on your mouth?”
You nod, smiling as he removes his wet finger from your mouth. “Yes.” Your voice is breathless, eyes glassy as you stare at him.
That earns you a smile and you feel a little pride in your chest. “That’s a good girl.” He taps your face. “Get on your knees then, baby. If you want it so bad.”
You do, positioning yourself in the middle of his parted thighs when he sits down on the bed and your mouth almost waters from anticipation.
Lifting his shirt a bit, you start by pressing kisses to his navel and he lets out a deep breath. Reaching down to unbutton his pants, you help him pull them down alongside his boxers and the sight of him hard for you is what really makes your mouth water. He's big in a way that you're sure you won't be able to fit it all inside without putting in some work. 
You tease him just a little bit, placing just the small kiss at the tip before licking it slowly. He’s far less patient then you are, hand immediately moving to grip your hair. “Put it in, baby, don’t be bad for me now.”
Parting your lips, you put him in your mouth, going as far as you can go, wrapping your hand on what you can’t reach. He moans lowly, curses falling from his lips.
He lets his head fall back when you swirl your tongue around, bobbing your head slowly the way he likes. “That’s it, baby. Takin’ me so well.” You hum around him, earning yourself another moan.
You try to get him as far as you can, swallowing when you reach your limit and he grips your hair tighter. You can feel him pulsing inside your mouth and it makes you squeeze your thighs together.
He comes on your face, painting your cheeks and making you gasp a little in shock. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He mumbles, quick to search for something to clean you up with. 
"It 's okay." You say, throat feeling sore and you try not to think about how that was the first time that ever happened for too long. "I liked it." 
That makes him give you a look, and then he's saying with a laugh "You'll be the death of me." 
act 2: ungodly hour
Maybe the fact that nothing really changes should be a sign by itself. 
Johnny still nods to you when you pass by him around campus, and still asks you to ‘help a guy out’ by sending him pictures of your notes like you guys are nothing but good almost-friends. Because, well, that’s what you are and that’s good enough for you. 
His face stays there on your tinder matches, no acknowledgement of it beyond his stupid joke back at the party happens and the only reminder you have of that night is the insatiable thoughts that cross your mind in the middle of a boring lecture. Because why would you pay attention to whatever your teacher is saying when you could remind bit by bit of how Johnny fucked you on his tiny dorm room, while maintaining a resting face.
Weirdly those memories don't hit you the next time you see him, because you’re too busy thinking about strawberry milkshake. 
The line behind you is not even that big, considering it’s 3am and most drunk college kids prefer to go to the burger king, but the cashier has an annoyed look on his face as your friend slowly reads the menu as if there’s plenty to choose from at a place like Mcdonalds. “Hmm, we’ll have two large fries, a coke and...” 
“A strawberry milkshake!” You try to go for whispering but it comes out louder and the cashier just hums. 
There's just something about being slightly shit faced at this hour and at this place, that makes it all seem like it's not actually happening. Like you are in a dream that only gets better when the server calls your number and you are sipping on the milkshake you kept on talking about since leaving the club you went on.  
Funnily enough, if this was in fact in a dream, it wouldn't be the first time Johnny showed up on one of yours.
He's sitting in a booth by himself, scrolling at his phone. His hair is pushed back by a snapback and your mind twirls for a second with the thought that he looks too good for someone who's here in an hour like this. 
Maybe it's the remnants of alcohol still buzzing on your system. Or maybe it is the fact that you seem to have been losing your self consciousness more and more these days. Whatever it is, it leads you to the stand in front of Johnny with a smile on your face and your hand freezing from holding the milkshake.
It doesn't take long for him to notice you, a smile that makes you feel warm inside ready on his lips as you take a place right across from him like it was meant for you all this time. 
"Hey there." He says, voice playful and you wonder if he had a few drinks himself before coming here. He must have had. "What's up?" 
You shrug, a smile painting your own lips. "Nothing much." You say and for some reason you feel silly, in a way that makes you want to scream a little from excitement. Like a teenage girl with a crush.  "Strawberry milkshake. You want some?"
Johnny laughs a little when you offer him the cup with the slightly bitten straw. "No, thank you. But it looks good."
"It is." You smile with lips closed around it. 
For a moment, but not an uncomfortable one, you two just stare at each other. The sweet taste of your drinks fills your mind and makes you feel a little less dizzier. 
"Had fun night?" 
"Hmm, not really. Sorority parties suck." He nods in agreement. Most parties sucked anyway, that's why everyone had to get so wasted to be able to enjoy it while the high lasted. You liked feeling pretty after getting ready more than the whole rest of it.  "What were you up to?"
"Got to DJ at this party with Mark, it was nice." He says it like it was no big deal, like it was something he did every other day. You had never actually seen Johnny play before, but from the way his instagram page was filled with posts about it and links to soundcloud songs, anyone could figure out it was at least a bit important to him. 
You found it weird, that you didn't know much about this or anything else about Johnny besides what he would let you know. And vice versa. But at the same time it's nice getting to know it bit by bit, without a rush.  
"That's really cool." Your voice is a little more excited than you expected it to be. "I really wanna see you play someday." 
"Sure." He smiles sideways. Bashfulness doesn't really suit him. "I'll let you know the next time."
You nod, then you share a look. Someone screams at their friend about something you don't really care about because you're too busy watching Johnny as he watches you finish your milkshake. Is it chemistry that people call this? Because there is nothing very appealing about the drink you're having, or about the white light at this place, but there's tension in the way you can't really look away. 
He looks like he wants to laugh but is too scared to break whatever is happening. You finish your milkshake with one last swallow of artificial sweetener and lick your lips. He finally breaks. 
"Stop looking at me like that." He says it in a way that suggests something that it's already as clear as water. 
You bat your eyelashes. "Like what exactly?"
He laughs, sweet and deep, then raises one eyebrow in challenge. "Like you want me to fuck you in the middle of this mcdonalds."
The scandalousness of the statement makes you laugh too, your words sounding half joke half true between smiles. "Well, maybe I want to."
"You don't really strike me as the type." He says it like he's unsure of it, like in the back of his mind he could actually believe you would do something as shocking as that. Truth be told, you don't even know it yourself. There's not a lot you have done when it comes to this and sometimes you even think back to him coming on your face, like it is the wildest thing that has ever happened. 
"I could be." He raises his eyebrow again, this time not as a challenge but as genuine curiosity. You would like to know whether that is true or false as well. 
Deep down you know that there are not many things you wouldn't let a guy like Johnny do to you. 
He laughs, then pauses for a second and taps his fingers on the table as if looking for something to say. "You should let me take you out someday." Is what he decides on. 
For some reason you don't think much of that at the moment. "You gotta take someone out before fucking them in public place?" You continue the joke, earning a low laugh and a head shake. 
"I'm being serious." 
How serious can someone really be at 4am with some alcohol on their system. This time you are the one raising your eyebrows, in pure doubt. He doesn't seem like the type who dates girls they fucked at a party once, or the type who dates girls like you. But thinking about it you don't really know what type of person Johnny is. Or what kind of girl you really are. 
You click your teeth before smiling. "We'll see about that."
act 2: la petit mort 
It’s not a text you get but instead a facebook invitation. It makes you laugh because men are truly all the same. Liking an old instagram picture, reacting with an emoji to something you post on stories. Never a message being straightforward, it’s like they are all physically incapable of that. You wonder if it’s because of fearing rejection. 
See, dating it's not really your thing, never has been and the proof can be found in your few failed attempts. It just made you nervous, constantly on edge because it always involved a lot of confusing moments, of not knowing where it's going or what the other person is thinking. People are usually bad at the most important thing when it comes to this, communication. And you hated to be either on the side of conflict or of creating expectations too early. 
But Johnny, well, he has got you interested. In a way that’s dangerous because it doesn’t happen very often, at least not with someone who seems interested as well or even the slightest bit possible.
And danger is not your area of expertise, not as of lately, but still you click on the green button and when saturday comes you’re walking inside a very underground party outside of campus. 
You know it's the right place because there's some people outside smoking and the door is slightly open. You walk inside the two floor flat, the small bottle of wine you had brought shaking a little in your bag while you pass some people.
There's music playing but the sound of conversations is louder than that. The scent filling the room is undeniably familiar and it makes you wonder if there's a least one sober person in the room at the moment. You had been to parties like this before, not nearly as loud as the ones that happened on campus and  with a lot less people. An amount that by the end of the night will have shrunk and the ones left will gather around the very old looking couch, share one last blunt and say unnecessary deep things and profess their deep affections for each other.
They were fun parties.
You don't talk to anyone because no one really attempts to talk to you first. That's just how you worked, social interactions never came as easy as it seemed to other people. You usually waited for people to approach and if they were nice you would cling to them. Sometimes you even practiced smiling in the foggy mirror after you showered. You practiced saying an icebreaker, smiling fakely after it, but you never really put it in practice.
You see Johnny before he sees you, surrounded by two boys that look particularly close. He looks effortlessly good, like he always does, with a black sweatshirt and light blue jeans. It makes you want to go there and hold his hand, lean against his chest, feel him loom above you and then kiss him in front of everyone as if it was normal, as if it meant nothing. You got this feeling a lot.
When he sees you he smiles big and makes his way to you with long and quick steps that don't take longer than three blinks from you.
"I thought you were going to DJ tonight." You say when he reaches you holding a bottle of beer. 
He shrugs, standing very close to you now. "Nah, this is not that kind of party." 
His eyes stay glued to you and you fight the urge to fix your hair. You wonder if he thinks you look good on the dress you chose. 
"Hmm, it's not the kind of party I thought I would ever see you on." You point out, looking around as someone screams asking for them to play some song by an artist you don't know. 
"To be honest this is much more my scene." He explains and this small piece of information he gives you about what he's really like makes you feel giddy for some reason. "The only reason I go to frat parties is because of Jaehyun."  
Jaehyun was a dude that played on the football team and looked too good for his own good. Him and Johnny were always together, like they would break if someone separated them. "So that's who you got this weird frat boy aura you got from." 
He laughs loudly. "Sure. But what about you? What's your scene?" 
You pretend to think for a while. "I don't really know. I like very specific things that I only know I'm actually enjoying at the moment." It's a pretentious reply that you hope he finds funny. 
He seems amused by it. "So, a moment type of girl." 
He takes a sip of his beer and you take that moment to get the bottle of wine out of your bag. He laughs at it, as if the thought of you carrying wine around is very funny to him. 
"Sure." You take a sip of your own.  "You seem very keen on figuring out what kind of girl I am."
You enhance your question by raising your eyebrows as he starts leading you to a small empty couch.  "Well, you're mysterious so I got to work with what I get." He says while sitting down and you follow, laughing because the last thing you would consider yourself is mysterious in any way.
"Trust me, you would get a lot more information if you just asked."
He nods, doing a whole scene of thinking of something to ask.  "Ok then, why psychology?" 
You almost laugh at the question because does anyone actually know why they chose their major? "I guess I like that the mind is the only thing that can understand itself." You say it in a pompous way so he knows you are not really that serious about that.  "What about you? Why did you choose business?" 
He looks forwards and moves as if to get more comfortable on the couch. It makes him get closer to you and your legs touch. "I don't know. Money, status, easier to get a job later on." 
That makes you snort. "I don't think right now getting a job is easy in any area." You pause to drink some and then say,  "You don't seem like someone who cares about those things, anyway."
He laughs just a little. "My parents do."  
By his voice you can tell he doesn't really want to talk about that. Not right now at least. 
"Well, at least when you are a famous dj the gossip magazines will be able to mention that you got a business degree you never used." 
He leans into you when he laughs.
The rest of the party is fun. You meet some of Johnny's friends that are too high to keep an actual conversation but are fun enough that you have a good time. 
Johnny makes you laugh a lot and by the time you finish your wine you feel more drunk in his presence than on the alcohol itself. 
There’s just something about Johnny’s presence that makes your legs go a little weak and your heart beat just a little faster, like you have a silly crush. He’s just funny, in a way that comes natural to him, and he makes you feel special, seeming interested in the things you say in a way that has your heart swoon. And on top of all that, like he couldn’t get any more perfect, he’s a whole 6’0 of man, all broad shoulders and always looking down at you with cute smiles.
It doesn't take you two long to reach his dorm, or for you to get on his bed. And when it’s like this, with him hovering over you, thrusting into you in a pace that has you seeing stars, the effect he has on you becomes painfully obvious.
It’s kind of embarrassing, really, how having him on top of you makes you feel so small and safe. How him hitting so deep inside when he gives you a sharp movement of his hips turns your inside into jelly. And all you can do in return is look up at him with glossy eyes and parted lips.
“God, I dreamed of fucking you.” He knows what he’s doing. Even worse, knows how to get to you with just a few words. “Do you like it, baby?” He asks, voice hoarse and lips turning into a barely not there smirk.
“Huh?” Is what you can reply with because you’re way out of it to make sense of his words. It just makes his smirk grow wider, hands moving to grip at your thighs so he can get your legs to open wider.
When he fucks into you faster, his cock hitting the spot that has you absolutely and completely losing your mind, he tries again. “Do you like how — Fuck— How big I feel?” His words are barely a groan from being just affected as you are. He sounds cocky but in a way that makes your eyes cross.
And you nod, enthusiastically so, because you do. It makes you shy, saying it out loud, but he seems well aware how much you love having him inside of you, the feeling of being full, the only thing that swims around your mind.
“Hmm, can you feel me here?” This time the question is accompanied by his palm on your lower belly, where a hint of a bulge forms when he gives you a deep thrust.
“Y-Yes.” You practically wail, body tingling from being so close. “You feel so —- Ughnnn.”
His chuckle is a mix of laughter and a moan, his lips coming down on yours in a kiss that’s as messy as it is desperate. “Are you shy, hmm? C-Can’t even say you like my cock inside of you.”
Your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Ah. I like it. I like it so much.”
He groans deep in his chest, hips still working. “You’ll drive me crazy one day, know that?"
What he doesn’t say but you know it’s true, it’s that he likes it as much as you do.
What it becomes, is something you don't know exactly how to describe. All you know is that you spend a lot of time in Johnny's dorm these days. So much that you decorated every detail from it, from the fancy music equipment to the posters on the wall.
He fucks you in every way possible and it's weird that someone could know exactly how to please you, how to get you screaming. And then the two of you talk for hours, something putting on something to watch on his notebook while sharing ice cream, other times just laying down in silence until you fall asleep. 
It's something you're not quite sure to navigate. How easy it feels when you are with him, and how right it feels. You two navigate this uncertain thing very smoothly and the need to put a name to it, asking the 'what are we' question escapes you often. 
Right now you two lay down on his small bed, bare legs touching and the thin sheet on top of you barely covers anything. It was a rare thing to feel this comfortable with someone. 
He's talking about something his mother said to him on the phone, about drinking green tea and you just listen, enjoying the sound of his voice until he stops and looks down at you with a small smile. 
"Every time I talk about my parents you get this look." He says and you make a weird face at him. 
"No I don't." You defend yourself and he chuckles. 
"You do." He accuses. "Are you analyzing my parental relationship?"
You scoff, turning around to face him better. "No. I'm just friendly, feeling sorrow because of the fact you didn't get to choose what to study." 
He looks back at you, looking soft with the late afternoon peeking in from his half closed window. "It's fine, really. I can study engine sound later on, there's no expiration. Besides, they did so much for me this is the least I can do." 
You fight the urge to point out that he doesn't really owe them anything. It was hard sometimes to make sense of the way other people navigated their parental relationships. So all you say is a small "Yeah…"
"What about your parents? What are they like?"
"I don't know. They are divorced, so I haven't really talked to my father in a while." You hope he doesn't see this as weird. Every time he talks about his family they seem so normal, that it makes you envy him a bit. You always think that if you talk about your parents, people will think you're somehow messed up because of it, so you always keep it short. Johnny doesn't seem to mind it. "My mom is cool, I guess. She's funny."
He hums "I would like to meet her someday." It sounds like a bold statement. Something that means something, but he says with an ease that makes the thought of it seem pleasant. You realize you would like that to happen as well. 
"She would like you." Is what you say with as much ease as he did. 
A comfortable silence feels the room then, with only the low sound of the fan turning filling your ears. You don't think about how the room smells like sex, or about how summer is approaching and you'll probably not be able to see each other for a while.
"Are you going home for the summer?" You decide to ask. 
 He turns to look at you again. "Yeah, what about you?"
"I'm gonna start my internship. Work on my thesis." You had talked about both these things before, how important they were for you and the mention of it makes him smile. 
"That's really nice." He says and you give him a tiny smile. 
You swallow a lump in your throat then, the 2 months you'll stay apart hitting you and you just let the words escape your mouth. "I'm gonna miss you. Really."
He says it back by kissing you, softly and then with meaning. It happens naturally after that, like there wasn't anything else that made more sense than being as close to each other as possible right now. 
When he enters you, you look up at him in what you think is awe. Your eyes hazy, barely able to keep open and lips parting in yet another moan. 
It’s a nice view, in your defense, of Johnny hovering over you, looking so big  as he fucks you so well you’re sure your second orgasm of the night is already approaching. You’re not embarrassed to say that most of the times this happens you go a little dumb in the head, your mind swimming in the gooey feeling of pleasure and all you can think about is him. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. 
“Oh, oh… oh my god.” You sigh dreamily yet broken enough that it makes him smile when a sharp thrust makes your hips raise a little. He’s always proud of being able to get you like this, to be the only one who does so.
He hums as if agreeing with a very thorough statement, moving his arms so he can press his chest to yours as he fucks into you with calculated thrusts . You can barely move with his weight on top of you, with how he seems to lock you in place with his hips and it’s enough for another broken sob to fall from your lips.
“Good?” He asks in a groan and with a nice slide of his cock inside of you to punctuate the question. You nod frantically because he’s as deep as he can get, knows this very well, and the feeling is something that makes you flutter around him in the desperate need to come. 
He kisses your cheek then, two sweet but filthy enough with his heavy exhales against it. His pace never gets too fast, just hinting at it but he maintains a speed that leaves you on the brink of your release. But, you only reach it when he pinches your clit with his fingers, circling it until your lips part in a silent scream and you’re coming again.  
And the sounds he makes when your walls squeeze just a little more than he can handle are something else. A deep groan and a pained little sob that you find extremely endearing and hot at the same time, his face contorting as he quickened his pace just enough to push him over the edge, finally coming inside of the condom. 
“You look so pretty like this.” He’ll say afterwards when he’s still inside of you, too lazy to move as you brush the hair out of his face. 
And you’ll smile, in the way he seems to like so much, and say “You look pretty all the time” just to get him to smile at you.
 act 3: yellow light  (hit the brakes) 
The rain was predictable. It had been raining every other day the entire month, on your way to work early in the morning you always ended up stepping on a pool and ruining your entire day because of your wet socks.
Not a lot of the people you knew had a car, or would willing to go out of their way to give you a lift. Your finger had hovered on top of Johnny’s contact for a while, not out of confidence that he would help you because you knew he would. But you hadn't really talked since summer started. There were random interactions, like replying to one of his instagram stories commenting on how intelectual posting pictures at The Louvre made him look and him making a joke about it or sharing a trivia about french people. 
Besides, bothering people made you uncomfortable, as if that somehow put you in debt and in a state of vulnerability with the person.
But Johnny doesn’t look like he’s going to hold a grudge against you over a lift. Instead, when you apologize for making him come all the way there, he says “I was in the area anyway.”
Which you doubt, but you don’t say anything so you just smile and thank him again.
It's somehow weird that you don't even expect him to mention what happened last term. You fight the urge to say it out loud, mention a small detail about the whole thing  just for him to laugh and somehow confirm to you that it really happened. It scared you sometimes how things were so momentary, as if life was supposed to be just a collection of things you would remember about and feel sad about. 
But it’s easy with Johnny, had been from the start. In a way that makes you think that some people are really meant to meet if only for a moment.
You had expected the casual friendship you had with the other friends you had met at college to fade slowly, which had happened. Without the bond of parties and fun there wasn’t much left there, and that was fine, you were never really lonely because you didn’t have a lot of time to be. Your mind was also set in a routine and state of tiredness that anything out of that seemed to set it in a frenzy and it would just shut down, making it hard to make conversation naturally.
Work was usually quiet, but sometimes the girl that was also accepted for the internship would try to strike conversation about her thesis and while she was talking your gaze would be focused forward while your mind went somewhere else. She never pointed that out, probably because she just wanted to talk and not really listen. You were fine with that.
But with Johnny the silence is not the kind that makes you wonder if you should say something. You think that if you were to get in a daze right now he would try to pull you out, ask what you were daydreaming about, or maybe that’s you building your other life, the one you think about before going to sleep.
You watch the window wipe, swiping away the raindrops as Johnny picks a song. It’s just a little past 6 but the clouds make it look much later.
“How is the internship going?” Johnny asks after he sets on a song you don’t really know.
You shrug. Not long ago you had told him how excited you were for this, as if you thought your life would start with this idealized career you had created in your mind. At the time having to watch people your age sign forms about how depressed they are didn’t seem that bad. “It’s fine, not that busy at night so I get to work on my thesis when they give me those shifts.”
That involves a lot of reading multiple times the same page of articles written by pretentious men that think using difficult sentences makes them smarter. You think your advisor expects the same from you, fancy nomenclature but the human mind is already complicated enough by itself.
“And how is that going?” Johnny has no idea what you’re writing about, no one actually does. Sometimes you even doubt yourself, does it really matter to talk about something that feels so specific to your reality? Because it does seem like everyone else is doing a good job at living and not feeling like they are disconnected from reality.
You scoff and shake your head missing the way his lips corners lift just a little. “The best way it can, I suppose.”
“Good enough.” He says in his cheerful voice. “When are you going to become that kind of person that can't stop talking about what they are studying?"
That makes you laugh a little. If there was something you were familiar with, it was people who loved to talk about their thesis as if they would come up with the solution to all of the world's problems. "I don't think that really suits me." Just mentioning it made you actually a little sick.
"Yeah, because you are mysterious and all."
And there it is. Just this small reference to a past conversation you had with him, alone in your small dorm room, makes you feel giddy. You could even blush if you thought hard enough about it. 
"Exactly, a box of surprises." You say, in a funny voice and his laugh makes you smile. 
Outside the rain is still going strong and you can see students running around trying to find shelter while laughing and using their backpacks as improvised umbrellas. The sky is completely dark now and it makes you want to be in bed, safe and sound. 
You go to ask Johnny about his summer in France, but he beats you to it. He had always been better at conversations, anyway.
"I saw that friend of yours, Ela I think." He mentions casually.  "She's dating a friend of mine."
You knew that because of the numerous pictures on your instagram feed, but for some reason you pretend to be mildly surprised "Oh really? I haven't really talked to her in awhile." A shrug. "We don't have much in common, turns out." 
He hums sympathetically. "Yeah that makes sense. But they both seem happy."
"Yeah." The topic doesn't really interest you. You can't barely remember a time where your past friends' love lives had any affect on you, now it's just a piece of information you'll forget about in a few hours. 
"What about you, seeing anyone at the moment?" The question makes you raise both your eyebrows as you let out a laugh that sounds suspicious. It's a weird thing for him to ask but at the same time not really. 
You sigh and he looks at you with a funny face, as if he's amused. I don't think I have the energy for that. What about you?" 
He shrugs, turning his face to the front again. "Not really."
Months ago you think you would have made a flirty commentary about that. Something along the lines of 'That's good, I get jealous easily.' and it would have made him laugh. But now you just hum, not out of interest but because you are not sure how you would react to the potential outcome. 
It should've felt obvious that he would somehow mention your relationship. You always thought that when you two talked about it, it would be bringing up the months you would see each other every day, and how you spend more time at his place than at your own. But what he says is, "Remember when you refused me?" 
He says it in a funny voice, like old friends reminiscing on the past. You get confused with the pace of the conversations and ask "What?" 
"At McDonalds. I asked you out and you said 'We'll see about it.'" He says it laughing, which means he's not hurt by that. 
"I didn't think you remembered that." You mutter, because you really didn't. "And please, I wasn't rejecting you." 
The last part is a lie. At the time you didn't think he was serious about it. Now, you don't know exactly what you think.
"Right, right. When you put me down nicely."
That makes you roll your eyes, laughing alongside him. "Yeah, right." 
When the laugh dies down you watch as he taps his fingers on the steering wheel. You feel a weird sensation in your chest. 
"Why did you?" He asks, voice not much more serious but the question has weight that his past sentences didn't have. 
You could tell him the truth, of what kind of person you thought he was and how that changed. You definitely couldn't open up about what kind of person you were. So you settle for this: "I don't know, I think.. I mean, I'm not sure we would have worked out back then." 
He hums loudly, then clicks his tongue.  "Yeah. I don't know either." His voice is soft then, mixing perfectly with the muted rain sound and the song still playing. "You can never know."
You turn your face to look at him. There's no way to do it without him noticing that you are staring, but you do it without a hint of shame.
If you thought about it hard enough, about everything that happened, you would still not be able to point out exactly what would have happened if something more serious took place. And that's a weird thing to think about, because there was never a point in your relationship where neither of you decided it was meant to be casual, that's just how it turned out to be. 
Later at night you will think about how there's nothing really casual about the way you can perfectly picture Johnny when you close your eyes, laying on your bed shirtless, hair a mess and face illuminated by the sun peaking out your window. How there's nothing casual at all about the fact that it has never felt like it did with anyone else.
But now, you just look at him with your heart ready to burst and you say. " We should watch a movie together someday."  
He laughs, looks at you for a second and says "Yeah, we should."
act 4: what’s going on? 
You didn’t feel particularly fond of mondays. Having to let go of the leisureliness of the weekend behind and welcome another week ahead never felt like a good idea when your phone alarm would start ringing at 7am.
It's not that the weekend was much better than that. All you ever did was read books that made your head ache for hours and then write never ending paragraphs that you hoped would make sense for anyone besides yourself. It was easy to become some sort of alienated when you stayed focused inside your room for so long, and having to remember that there was a whole life outside was a little painful. 
When you walk inside the clinic the sound of the coffee machine being turned on reaches your ears and you mutter a small good morning to the psychiatrist that usually took the morning shifts. She was tall and always looked put together with a blazer jacket and red lipstick. Her friendly face made you suspicious for some reason. 
"Good weekend?" She asks as you place your things on the front desk and you spare a smile to make her think you are interested in talking about your weekend. 
"Yeah, sure." You turn on the old computer they got for you to use. A blue screen greets your eyes, then it glitches for a second like it always does. "What about you?"
It might sound like you're not a very nice person if you say you don't really care how her weekend went. Or that you would wish the conversation would have stopped at the greeting. But you really don't. These days talking to people takes a lot of effort and most of the time you wish you'd be just swallowed by silence and left alone. 
"It was great, thank you." She says while adding sugar to her coffee. You are sitting down now and she turns to look at you with a sympathetic face. "Listen, I have a free spot this morning, if you'd like to talk a little." 
You blink slowly, taking a moment to process the words she said, but it really doesn't take a genius to understand she's offering you counseling. Most likely because she thinks you need it. 
And you're not about to argue that you don't, because you more than anything else know that you do, but you feel like you're not ready for it yet. As if you have things to figure out first. "Oh, that's very nice of you to offer." You say, uncertain how exactly to handle this. "But I have some things to get done."
The lie is accepted easily but she still raises her eyebrow a little. Still, she says. "Alright, then. Just remember I'm one door away."
You thank her, smiling politely until she finally leaves to her office. The computer is still loading and you let out another deep sigh, considering drinking a cup of coffee but deciding against it to not trouble your anxiety any more.
What happens next couldn't possibly be predicted. You take your phone out of your bag and open instagram out of habit, to pass some time. Johnny's profile is still the first one that shows up on the stories board, probably from all the time you spent messaging each other in the past. 
It had been a while since you two talked to each other, but you kept up with his whereabouts from looking at the pictures he posted with friends and of random things. More often than not you fought the urge to reply to them, as if you didn't really know each other anymore. 
You don't expect to see him with a girl when you click on his photo. But there he is, with arms around her and a single heart. You tap on to the next one and it's a repost from someone else's instagram, of a picture of him and the girl kissing while laughing. 
There's a few words you can use to describe how you feel. Your heart drops and you go cold, blinking very slowly as the pictures change to another person's stories and for a second it's like it didn't happen. Like it was just a trick of the eye. 
Would it be silly to cry over this? You think it would so you take a deep breath and try to not think about it anymore. 
It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that you probably loved him. Or at least felt a deep kind of infatuation. Sometimes at night you lay in bed and wonder what exactly went wrong and you can't really find an answer to that. It just naturally happened. 
Maybe you should have said something, maybe if you did things would've stayed the same. You wish that at the time you knew what to say but now it was a little too late. 
You stare at your blank ceiling, your skin tingling where it touches you sheets. Looking at couples always made you feel weird, with jealousy maybe because you never thought that was something for you. Being in love has always been something that other people got to experience, and you got to watch it but never try it for yourself. 
Maybe there was something wrong with how you worked, how you viewed this whole thing. You wish you knew what so you could fix it.
Sometimes when you close your eyes you imagine someone wrapping arms around you, with a familiar cologne that makes you feel at home. the person doesn’t complain when you hug them tighter, probably knows this is what you need.
You think of all the men you had dated, the ones who disappeared out of nowhere and the ones who treated you like shit because you allowed it. You didn't really know how it really had to work until you met Johnny.
It had never felt like that. Gentle and soft and easy. 
How to separate true loneliness from the mere need to feel something, to have someone want you? That’s a trick question and you think about it until you fall asleep.  
For you last month in college, you don’t do much. 
The internship ends with the old lady that was in charge of the clinic telling you what an amazing job you did, and how she knows for sure you will exceed in the area. She writes a beautiful recommendation letter, mentions a few professional names and then sends you away. 
A week before its deadline you send out your finished thesis to your advisor, after spending half an hour staring at your email until you can press send. You got a reply two hours later with pleasantries and a date for your final presentation. 
As you wait for it there's nothing a lot to do. Some days you walk around campus without a real destination in mind, stopping by the cafeteria and the library on your way. There's not many people around this time of the year, most have gone already and the ones that stayed spend time rehearsing for presentations or hanging out with friends.
You get texts from people you haven't talked to in months, wishing you good luck and inviting you to parties that you attend once or twice just to get one last taste of it. 
It’s weird that you don’t feel the deep sense of realization you thought you would. You lay down on the small bed you slept on for two years, stare at the empty walls of your dorm now that you’ve put all your things away, and you feel almost normal. Sure there’s a little ball of emptiness and excitement on your stomach alongside pride for finishing this and for having grown up so much since freshman year. But besides that you just feel normal. 
Maybe this is what being alive is, experiencing life changing moments and not feeling like they mean much. Maybe some moments are just meant to be remembered as special, and not lived as such. 
Your presentation goes well, you don’t trip over your words and your teachers compliment your great work afterwards. You cry, in front of a bunch of people you don’t know, and let out a deep breath of relief. 
Ten days later you graduate, wearing the usual attire and walking on stage with a smile on your face when your name is called. No one screams your name or cheers loudly because plane tickets were too expensive for your parents to attend. The claps from your classmates are still nice. 
You don’t expect to see Johnny there, but he shows up wearing a suit that looks alien compared to the clothes he wears daily. He looks good, familiar and it makes a lump form on your throat.
You hadn’t really talked to each other in a while. It had been a natural thing to happen, for the two of you to fall a little apart. But still, when he waves at you, you make your way to him easily. 
“Finally got your ticket out of this place, huh?” He jokes with a smile on his lips that you can’t help but mimic. 
“Yeah, I’m finally free.” You joke back. 
You inhale softly when he hugs you, so close that you can hear his heartbeat. He surrounds you with him and you think you would drown right now if he allowed you to. “Congratulations, ____.” He says quietly, almost whispering your name.
You’re both smiling when you part. “Soon it’ll be you.” 
Before he can reply a familiar face makes her way to where you two are. Johnny circles her waist when she gets close enough and you fight as to not let your smile fall. He introduces her as his girlfriend, a biomedicine student that smiles big when she congratulates you on graduating and expresses how she can’t wait for her turn to come. 
She’s very pretty is what you keep thinking about as you make small talk that feels a little painful. 
After some time Johnny says “Well, we should leave you to go talk to your family. It was really nice to see you, ____.”
His words sound genuine and you smile when he hugs you again. 
You don’t tell them there’s not really anyone you know for you to talk to. Instead, you walk to your dorm with your heels clicking on the asphalt. 
act 5: old friend / late spring
Your feet hurt a little from standing too much and not even the coldness of the beer you’re having can make you ignore it. 
The truth is that you really wanted to be home right now, eating leftovers while you watched a movie. But instead, you’re in the bar your colleagues always attended after work to share a laugh and complain about mundane things while enjoying the 2 for 1 deal they had on friday for happy hour. 
Working in an office with people wearing suits hadn’t been what you had envisioned  yourself doing two years after graduating. You had always dreamt of having your own clinic, becoming a therapist or even working at a hospital. But times were hard and the human relations department of a marketing company had been what you had to go for. 
It’s not as boring as it sounds, and you get to know about every gossip firsthand so you settle for it very easily. But having to be at a bar after a whole tiring week was not on your favorites list.
You excuse yourself from the group when they start talking about something you were tired of hearing. A gossip about the boss sleeping with someone from the finance department that you knew about months ago. 
You walk to the bar, cursing your heels until you finally sit on a stool, ordering another beer that you know is gonna be your last before you decide to escape. There’s loud conversation happening all around you and a song playing over it. Your back hurts a bit and you wonder when life has become so mundane. 
Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the man that sits right next to you until he’s ordering a beer and the voice seems familiar. 
Your heart jumps out of your chest when you look at him and Johnny stands there in all his glory, with blonde hair and a very fancy suit. “Oh my fucking god.” Is the only thing you manage to mumble.
For a second you think you might be dreaming, but when he turns and looks at you his face contorts in the most amusing expression of surprise. 
Maybe this is what being alive is, experiencing life changing moments and not feeling like they mean much. Maybe some moments are just meant to be remembered as special, and not lived as such. 
The two of you hug while laughing and he keeps muttering something that sounds like a ‘no way.’
“I can’t believe this! What are you doing here?” You ask excitedly and he laughs. 
“I’m working on a office a few blocks from here.” He explains. “Just started a few days ago.” 
“I work around here too.” You exclaim and it’s like you could buzz from how excited you feel about this. 
You talk about things easily, both sharing what you have been doing for the past years. 
“This is crazy. I haven’t heard from you since college.” He says and it makes you freeze, blinking slowly but it doesn’t last long until you are covering your surprise by chuckling. Suddenly you’re hit with memories from those years and everything that happened between the two of you. Your eyes meet his and it strikes you that he’s probably thinking the same thing as you are. 
You shake your thoughts away, leaning on the counter with one elbow and then resting your face on your palm. “Who would’ve thought we would reunite after those years in a sketchy bar.” You joke, in a playful tone to keep the conversation going. 
He chuckles, bringing his hand to his face before he replies. “I would have never guessed this was your kind of scene.” 
The way he says it makes you snort. “It’s definitely not.” 
“Yeah.” He nods while laughing, “Still a moment kind of girl then?”
You nod then, making an amused sound while you take a sip of your beer. “Seems to me like you still got me all figured out.” 
“Do I? I used to think that I did but after all it happened I wasn’t so sure anymore.” He says avoiding your eyes a little and a lump forms on your throat. “To be honest I don’t really understand what happened.” 
You nod, turning to face him. “I think it wasn’t the right time.” It’s what you decide to say and he hums. 
“When is ever the right time for anything?” He asks and it makes you laugh loudly. 
You share a look then, one that says more than you could ever do with words. He smiles and then you smile back, like old friends would. “Maybe we met again for a reason.” 
Deep down, you know this is one of those moments happening. One that you’ll look back on the future and remember that it is where it all began. Again.
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leonardhoee · 3 years
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Reasons Why I Love Leo
Inspired by @nad-zeta’s one about Theo. (btw I’m so sorry you have to see me simp so hard here LMAO. Just had to give you credit for the idea. This is not gonna be anywhere near as well written as yours. I’m just rambling.)
Okay you know those ex’s that you try so hard to hate but you just CAN’T and they're still on your mind 24/7, even when you're with other people? And then you end up getting back together cuz you basically belong together? Yeah thats Leo.
To be completely honest I was SO mad after I finished his route the first time because I thought he didn’t care about MC enough to fight for her (which is just plain wrong but I was being dumb). I was SO mean to him just cuz I was mad and then I read his side stories a few months later and realized how WRONG I WAS????? I felt so bad bruh, I know he has his flaws but he did NOT deserve my hate. ANYWAYS yeah I love him to death and tbh I probably always did so HERE’S REASONS WHY I LOVE HIM.
Warning: Embarrassingly intense simping (If there are crammed or spelling errors ignore it I’m just typing this super fast because I’m having ✨thoughts✨ rn)
1) He is so protective. Like the first night MC showed up he stayed outside her room the WHOLE NIGHT. (Even though he didn’t want to admit it). He just looks so safe. Like even if we just met I would literally trust him with my life??? He’s like a protective teddy bear. AND HE TOOK SO MANY BULLETS FOR HER. If there was an asteroid about to hit earth in 48 hours and I had no one but him, I would have complete faith that I would make it out of the literal apocalypse, alive. Because he is just that protective and innovative. Idk if there’s something you can trust someone with more than your life or soul or whatever but if there was I would trust him with it.
2) He is literally like comfort food personified. I don’t know WHAT it is but looking at him makes me feel like I’m covered in a warm blanket eating my favorite comfort food (which just so happens to be his irl favorite too. No I didn’t plan that.) Or like, the feeling of running around having fun in a hot summer night??? He is literally a walking cure to my anxiety. I BET HE GIVES THE BEST HUGS HES SO WARM. And his smile is so contagious, I could be bawling my eyes out but he’d be like “hey it’s okay Cara Mia” and smile and then I’d immediately start smiling.
3) HIS EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. He’s my home Screen on ikevamp and every time I open up the app I just sit there and stare into his eyes for a solid minute and like, I could’ve been accused of insurance fraud with a possibility of going to jail but if he looked into my eyes and said “Cara Mia” I would immediately feel better??? Like everything is going to be okay?? Just because he’s here??
4) He is literally so kind and considerate and generous and caring and tbh a much better person than I’ll ever be. And all he cares about is making people smile and the fact that seeing other people happy makes him happy is just SO wholesome I just want to give him a hug. And his family was so horrible to him and somehow he’s STILL such a GOOD person. I literally want to cry I would set myself on fire if it meant making him not be sad anymore. I DONT WANT HIM TO SABATOGE HIS OWN HAPPINESS FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS ANYMORE BECAUSE HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED FOREVER AND IMMORTALITY MAKES HIM SAD WHICH IS WHY I WOULD DO THIS.
5) He is literally beautiful. His hair is so soft and pretty and when he puts it in a ponytail it’s just WHEWW *chefs kiss. And he smells godly. He is the scent of paradise. Who needs heaven when I have him. And I already talked about his eyes but they look like molten gold and they’re so gorgeous and captivating and they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And that little pouty face he makes is SO CUTE I just want to kiss him. But also his SMIRK makes me feel so many things and most of them will send me straight to horny jail. He’s so tall and I’m like 5’4 so he can quite literally just pick me up like he does Lumiere and walk around. And idk something about the image of him smoking cigarillos does things to me. Even his messy fashion sense is endearing. I don’t know anyone else who can pull off two completely different boots and still look like a damn model.
HE ALSO HAS PILLOW TIDDIES AND HIS SHOULDERS ARE SO BROAD I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND ✨PERISH✨
6) He is so smart and talented. Ik he doesn’t think he’s all that but he’s literally one of my biggest inspirations?? My mental health is so much better because he set this example that it doesn’t really matter what other people think because if you do something you love doing you’ll be happy with it. He literally did whatever he wanted (and honestly he’s the main reason I even started writing on here cuz if there’s one thing I learned from him it’s that shit does not matter. Just do whatever makes you happy. Which also inspired this. People’s judgments don’t matter. You are your OWN icon.) So guys WEAR that gown and corset you’ve been wanting to wear but have been too scared to. Do that crazy makeup. Sing and create art and have big dreams and follow them. Because in the long run, most people won’t talk about that one cringey thing you did. They’ll talk about how you were so free and how you did everything you love and how they wish they could do that too. (I guess I always heard people say this but it never really sunk in till Leo)
7) He raised my standards for men. That’s it. He is the standard. He is the blueprint. He is the dream. I had no standards before him he is the only husband I could ever want.
8) He is so attentive and he would make sure you’re taking care of yourself physically and mentally. I wish I had him during my exams because I was stressed out of my mind and he probably would’ve made me minestrone soup and helped me relax (which I don’t know how to do). And I think he could probably teach me how to LIVE and smile instead of just surviving through every day, dreading the next day, being stuck in the same place and routine. I don’t really know how to let loose or have fun and I think he would just make my whole life more vibrant. Like fresh water in a plant that’s never been watered?
9) He’s a nerd, I’m a nerd. You can literally talk to him about anything you’re curious about and he’d be able to carry on a conversation about it. I could run into his room at 3am talking about idk whether it’s scientifically possible for plants to have like, jacked muscles (imagine a plant with Dwayne Johnson’s muscles) and he would drop everything to have a discussion with me about it (unless it’s astrology since he thinks all astrologers should be castrated). And he would never make you feel like you’re a burden or being annoying or that you had a stupid question because he finds it super endearing when you’re passionately talking about anything and he wants to encourage your happiness and curiosity.
10) He’s a hot mess. Emphasis on hot. His resting face is bedroom eyes and somehow he makes everything sexy. Sleeping on the floor is hot now. I can’t explain it but everything he does is attractive. Also back to his self sacrificial nature. There was a line in his dramatic ending side story that hit me so hard snd it was something about “if our love is a sin then let me take all the blame. I would give up all my genius and bury Leonardo da Vinci in history making MC my only passion” and “I will love you till the world is gone and the stars burn out” (those probably aren’t the exact quotes but they were very similar). IT MADE ME CRY. He loves Mc so much I can’t believe I ever thought he didn’t care??? And I don’t WANT him to sacrifice anything for me but the fact that he’s so ready to do that just omg makes me cry I love him so much.
I want him to draw me😭
Anyways I hope that was at least kind of coherent because I’m a rambling mess when it comes to him. I literally wrote a song about him that I’m currently in the process of recording
Please, accept all these pictures of him. I could probably go on longer about every single picture of him but I won’t because this is embarrassing enough. It had to be said though because he deserves it.
Because I’m a simp.
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*this pic is so cute I
literally don’t know
what to do with myself😭
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