#anyway. i started doing this after being inspired by an artist friend at school

[smile-files]

one of my favorite kinds of doodle: take the letters that spell out the name of a thing and use them to create the shape of that thing!!! (if you can't read any of these, they will be written out below <3)

going top down, left to right:

bone; butterfly; bee; joy; moth

kitty cat; snail; love; spongebob squarepants

eye; puppy dog; candy; wally darling; dolphin

hand; the element of kindness; lollypop; pencil

[beanghostprincess]

Something something modern high school AU in which Sanji is a soccer player and Usopp is one of the cheerleaders with Nami. Sanji won't stop flirting with Nami, though, Usopp thinks he's extremely annoying and one of those popular guys™ (a lie btw he's a fucking loser). The only times they talk are when Sanji approaches the cheerleading team (ignoring the men) and when Usopp goes to talk to Luffy and Zoro because they're friends (they're also soccer players). But! But then they start seeing each other again. Usopp goes to school earlier always to paint because the sky is pretty and the soccer field is calm, and since they have meetings right before school and after, he just gets there earlier. Sanji starts coming earlier than anybody too to run and train and exercise for some reason Usopp doesn't understand because he has never done this before. He tries to ignore the blond but he must say it's pretty hard to do so when he's right there looking gorgeous and sweaty and with a slim artistic complexion Usopp loves. Long legs. Cool to draw. Anyway- Sanji surprisingly is the one to approach him one day because he has a rigorous diet for training now but since he's used to packing his usual food, he does it mindlessly again. He asks Usopp if he wants to eat it because "If you don't do it I will and I can't but I would rather kill myself than wasting food haha" and he says it jokingly but not really and Usopp thinks "fuck it, free food". So they start talking and talking and it turns out it's the best food he has ever tasted and Sanji has been the one to cook it. And he also is training because apparently he wants to impress his father so, damn, sad. One thing leads to another and this becomes a daily thing! They start getting along too! So much so that now he talks to the cheerleaders and Usopp. And he only brings food to Nami and him now. It's kind of nice.

-> Nami has her own side plot about her being in love with a girl from the band (Vivi). She just never tells Sanji she's a lesbian bc she brings her snacks and breakfast every day they have training together.

-> Luffy and Zoro are on the soccer team too and they're so fucking gay it's insane. Luffy is the captain bc somehow he's great at sports and Zoro is down bad.

Inspired by this post btw:

[faelynfawn]

Hi I just saw the circus au art and I'm here to ask about him.

Feel free to go on a ramble I need everything you got :3

Oh my gods thank you so much for asking I have so much to say. (Also, by the way, I love your art so so much. If you have ever noticed me spam reblog a bunch of your art, it was most likely because I was on a call with my friends and showing it to them.)

So, the first and most important thing to establish, is that all versions of Scar I rotate around in my brain are disabled. Specifically in regards to circus headcanon or AUs, he has all of my disabilities. As I am a disabled circus artist and I know exactly how it would work.

So, Scar had always loved the circus ever since he was a little kid. It was just so magical and wonderous to him. He always sort of wished he could join the circus.

Then one day, around about 15, he realised there was a circus studio really close-by to him. Three, in fact. It blew his mind. Previously he sort of regarded circus as this mystical, out of reach thing. He had no idea it was just something he could learn and do.

For me, this is sort of where it splits into two separate veins of timelines. A) One in a Minecraft-inspired fantasy setting that has a casual interdimensional travel aspect to it (the one LMLY is set in, essentially) and consists of things like codes. And B) a modern AU of a Minecraft-inspired fantasy setting with no interdimensional travel (so no Hermitcraft or Life Series). It is a more normal fantasy world and does not consist of codes or players, it is people within it if that makes sense. We will call this A and B.

In A, he was a builder already. That was what he loved doing. As a result, he decided it would be better for his career if did not show that he was disabled. If you have read LMLY, you will understand.

Anyway, because of being a builder, he was already incredibly strong. His favourite part of circus at the beginning was being a base in acrobalance. It took him a while to get the right kind of strength for aerials, but once he did he quickly started to train doubles work.

The thing is, he knew that all of the things he was initially drawn to in circus just were not realistic for him to do. His first love in circus was flying trapeze, but he knew any sort of flips would just make him pass out. But in order for flying trapeze to work, you need a catcher.

He worked his butt off to be a catcher.

Most of the circus he ever did was group work, with him fulling the role of the base/catcher. He did not have the ability to do much else, it would just trigger his symptoms.

When he got to Hermitcraft he found himself a lot more symptomatic than ever before, even after he learnt how to accommodate himself better. It meant that his ability to go back to his home world and do circus was quite limited, almost entirely stopping after season 6.

I am jumping ahead quite a bit as otherwise it would reflect the planned plot for LMLY a bit too much, but during season 9 when he built Scarland he also began doing a lot more circus again. He was using mobility aids by that point and finally had enough energy to do it.

Which brings us to timeline B.

In timeline B, Scar's career goals involved being an imagineer. As a result, he handled being disabled a lot differently.

He always considered himself unfit as a child. He hated sports with a burning passion. He was also the sick kid, always. He was rarely ever at school, he struggled to make friends because he was never able to hang out, and any extracurriculars he signed up for he almost always ended up flaking out on.

Him realising he was disabled went quite similarly to timeline A. During his mid-teens, he realised he was actually Experiencing Something and not just lazy/unmotivated/all the things he had been told his whole life. Unlike timeline A, his plans for his life were not exactly something he felt as though he could not do as a mobility aid user.

It radically changed his life when he became a wheelchair user. For the first time, he was actually able to function and exist and it was the best thing ever. He had the energy to truly dedicate himself to his plans of becoming an imagineer.

The thing about circus is it appears in all sorts of places. In particular, amusement parks. At least in Australia where I live, which is the country this setting is most like anyway. Like in timeline A, Scar had always loved it as a kid. Especially when amusement parks he visited had circus performers during special festivals and things like that, it was just the coolest.

Scar had a problem with living a very sedentary lifestyle. It was not great before he got a wheelchair, due to him being bedridden often (not that he realised that was what it was at the time), but even worse afterwards. So his physio encouraged him to pursue a physical hobby.

Which is where he discovered that he had three circus studios near-by.

As much as he loved the circus, but did not exactly consider it a possibility. It was in the same category to him as like being a Jedi or something, actually being a circus performer just was not really real to him.

Calling him was excited was an understatement, to say the least.

Unlike timeline A, it was not a smooth journey. He was not really all that strong. He loved it all the same, but for the first year and a half of him doing circus, his progress was pretty stagnant.

Until he got on testosterone.

Did I forget to mention he is transgender? He is always transgender to me. (In timeline A he got his player code altered for the record. But he is the sort of genderfuck man where he thought his tits made him hot (because they do) and preferred a t-dick over a penis. Just in case people wanted to know.)

Anyway, one of the changes he was most looking forward to was the increase in strength. He was quite disappointed when after quite a few months he did not actually get that much stronger. He did get more muscles, but they did not really seem to work.

Then, suddenly, like 8 months in, well after he had given up hope, he suddenly was just a lot stronger.

It motivated him enough to really dedicate himself to his training.

In this timeline, he really did not like basing. He felt as though his body was just too unreliable to let himself trust others' wellbeing with it. He would, sometimes, just because he was a big boy (I maintain my headcanon that he is short, however. Vex hybrid.) but he never really liked it.

He really only did the things that he truly found passion in, as he had a limited amount of energy for his training.

I want to say that Scar still is an ambulatory wheelchair user after beginning to do circus. He uses his wheelchair so he has enough energy to do circus. For a while he felt really awkward about it, he did not want people from circus to know that he used a wheelchair and he did not want anyone who knew he used a wheelchair to know he did circus. But as he grew up a bit more, became an adult, he really stopped caring what others thought of him.

I suppose I should say my headcanons for what apparatuses he uses. I headcanon that he uses (static) trapeze, lyra mostly as his aerial apparatuses, although teardrop (also called hammock) has a special place in his heart. As for ground work, hula hooping and leviwand.

I am going to inform you of his journey in discovering these passions.

Right when he first began his training, he was really interested in drops. It drew him to silks, initially, but he just was not strong enough for it at the time.

He found himself then drawn to apparatuses like trapeze and lyra instead, as even with his limited strength at the time he still could do some tricks. He actually avoided verticals (silks and teardrop) for a long time, as they were just too strengthy for his tastes.

Especially with lyra, everything always looked so beautiful on lyra. It is the worst and most painful apparatus in the entire world (author bias, I hate lyra) but he was used to pain. Besides, everything in circus hurt. That was just how circus was. Even if lyra was a bit more painful than others. (It is the worst I hate it I hate it so much owie owie owie :[ <- does lyra for fun sometimes (Although I would never ever train it I am not crazy.))

Scar tried teardrop at one point and was beyond shocked at how little it hurt. He did not know an aerial apparatus could feel so gentle! (He thought this until he started trying wraps, and discovered the pinching was its own special kind of hell.)

He was excited, because with teardrop he could do drops like he had always wanted to. He trained up for it. Then, when his trainer deemed him strong enough, he tried his first ever drop. It was sort of like this, I am imagining, although I cannot find a video of what I actually mean. The point is he flipped over himself like that.

He discovered that his body just could not do it.

He was so dizzy after it it was a wonder he did not pass out while still up there.

He was absolutely crushed and heart broken, as that was the one thing he had always been so excited for. He figured he should have seen it coming, as he did not do tumbling for that exact reason, but he really had not.

Since he was not able to do the tricks he actually wanted to on verticals, he decided he was not going to do them. He did not for the longest time. (Although, eventually he began doing silks and teardrop every so often for the fun of it. He ended up really liking teardrop. While he never dedicated himself to training it enough that he felt he could perform it, he still just loved it.)

I will say that was a lot of what his initial bit into circus was. Discovering things he really wanted to do were just not things his body could handle. He really had to let go of a lot of things he wanted to do, and instead focus on what he could actually do. He found he really could not do all the dynamic tricks he really, really admired in others, but he found his own soft and gentle performing style that really worked for him.

It was difficult, but he grew to really like it in the end. It was very queer to him, being a man who performed in such elegant and graceful ways. So gender as well. It was not actually until he saw a man do a particularly beautiful straps performance (from which he wanted to do straps, but knew he never could) that he began to really appreciate his own circus style.

At least that is how it went with aerials.

Scar found he could do very little ground work. Hand balancing was what he was initially drawn to, but he quickly found that his wrists would dislocate every single time he tried. Same with acrobalance (In timeline A, he had enough muscles built up from being a builder he did not really run into that issue.) and tumbling. Tumbling also involved flipping and he just could not do it, his POTS would not allow him.

The groundwork he could do was primarily manipulation. He tried all sorts of different things. It actually took quite a while before he progressed in any of it, because he was splitting himself across too much.

Eventually, he picked hula hooping as his primary ground work. He loved it so much. It was just so much fun to him. He thought it was so cool to take this object most people were familiar with from their childhoods and do amazing tricks with it. Especially when he began performing it (which, I will get to in a minute) he felt as though it let the kids in the audience see something relatable amongst all the cool and crazy, and he hoped it inspired them to do some circus themselves.

Leviwand was his other favourite. (I actually just remembered I have one and I should probably train it more, as I can do that on my favourite ground work apparatus rolla bolla. Anyway.) He just thought it was the coolest thing. It looked like magic. It was just remarkable and so cool and literally just physics.

(Bonus: In versions of this where Scar did, in fact, have magic, he would absolutely do circus with it. I might talk about that another time.)

Now I wish to state a bit of his circus journey, in regards to it being a job. He did not ever intend for it to be, for a long time. He had about two months when he first started that he kind of wanted to turn it into one, but it was just a hobby really. It wasn't until he was in his early 20s (in university doing double architecture and engineering bachelors) he realised he could actually apply to do circus at an amusement park's seasonal event. He did. He got in. He got to perform and get paid for it.

He essentially stumbled his way into paid work. It was not long after that he was offered a position as a trainer at his circus studio (which, he had been living on the disability pension up until that point due to not being able to find a job that he could physically do).

Then he found himself putting his university course on pause for six months so he could tour with a big top circus.

I truly believe it was the most fun he ever had, but he realised he could not actually have that as a viable career option. He was not medically fit to drive, his body could not handle having to set up the tent and clean and all that maintenance stuff, and he really did not make that much money. Enough to survive, sure, if being disabled was not so expensive and if he did not already have student debt.

So he finished up his university course while working part-time as a circus trainer. Once he graduated, for a while he took up a more standard engineering job. Then he found his niche in applying his degrees to circus stuff, and actually ended up working for Cirque Du Soleil creating their insane sets.

While he was never a Cirque Du Soleil performer himself (Do you have any idea how insane their intake process is? He would not be qualified for it even if he somehow managed to pass the health checks. Not to mention, you audition for a chance to be contacted to be in a show. No way.) he was so, so excited that he got to make such amazing things happen.

He still was a casual performer, usually taking up gigs that just happened to come his way, or doing performances with circus studios he was with.

But it was remarkable to him how he got to combine his first love of being an imagineer with his second love of circus into such a beautiful thing. He could not get over it, he just loved what he did.

When it came to being a performer himself, he definitely used his architecture and engineering degrees for his own personal passion projects too. He always had some new idea for a new cool show, and found himself the head of many remarkable contemporary circus performances.

In particular, he had this whole superhero based play/musical/circus performance with drama and conflict and betrayal. It all began when started to consider how he could put his love for archery into a show and his friend misheard him saying, "Like Hawkeye," as "Like Hotguy." Then he joked about having his best friend (or lover, up to you) play the role of Hawkeye's rival-turned-lover Cuteguy, and the rest was history.

(I also have some circus Grian headcanons. As in, I think Scar dragged everyone he ever knew into circus. It did not stick for all of them, but Grian realised that since he was an Avian he could just do fun flying tricks and it was considered circus. He liked that. What made him love it was doing it with Scar, the way Scar would come up with a million crazy ideas and make brilliant performances. Scar's love for it really rubbed off on him, and he found himself doing the same.)

Anyway. The Hotguy play/musical/circus performance was Scar's baby. It was so fun and silly and camp, while also having these serious moments that really hurt you.

It actually got quite big, and he got to tour it.

Anyway.

I have run out of thoughts.

I just love circus and I love Scar.

[sleepy-wyvern]

Scars and Stretch Marks (Eddie Munson x female!Reader) Part 2!

Gif found here, if anyone finds the original artist lmk so I can credit!

Chapter: 2/? (in progress) Read part 1 here, part 3 TBD

Synopsis: This chapter is pure fluff with smut to come! You and Eddie Munson try to tame a little black kitten with a missing ear and scar over it's eye. This fic deals with body image, body scars and body confidence!

Dedication: Miniseries for the lovely loony tunes @alienthingstwo💙 hope you enjoy, more parts to come!

Word count: 1.9k (second chapter)

Smut will be included in later chapters so minors please do not interact! 18+!

Warnings/Content tags: Scars, stretch marks, body insecurity, body worship

-EDDIES POV-

Eddie Munson sat on the front step, one hand on his knee the other holding a cigarette between his two fingers. Today he wore a light grey muscle shirt to escape the heat. He was careful that it covered every pink scar on his torso, lest it be seen especially by a pretty girl.

The thick black tobacco smoke dispersed into the sky as he tapped his foot against the gravel.

It still felt surreal to be here and alive but it was less like a dream now. He was glad to get some alone time after being bombarded with questions and hugs as much as he appreciated them.

Dustin and his uncle had of course the biggest reactions. Ones enough to make tears well in his eyes but he was sure to blink them away as quickly as possible. Even Steve and Nancy who he barely knew were relieved to see him alive and well.

After the reunions a cigarette was deemed necessary along with some fresh air. The moment he stepped outside though he spotted the empty cat dish.

He sat on the trailer steps wondering if the scarred beauty from yesterday would be here again. Perhaps that part was the dream or hallucination. How she was so comfortable with her own scar Eddie had no idea. He figured he’d never be that comfortable to show his own, instead hiding them beneath the fabric of his shirt. 

-YOUR POV-

You walked down the road clutching your fingers around your tote. Within it held the metal tin of cat food you purchased before heading over. You were hoping that the cat would show up, lest the food be going to a raccoon instead. You also had a selection of cat toys and flea shampoo in case you ever did manage to catch the sly kitty. It was better to be prepared but at the same time you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

It was still shorts and tank top weather, at least if you wanted any kind of relief. The sun was beating down against your skin and you were grateful you remembered to apply sunscreen.

You wondered if Eddie would be there today, hopefully with less mysteriously dried blood on him. Still, he had seemed normal as ever. As normal as Eddie Munson could be anyways. Not that you minded.

You thought back to your experience in school with him. He never gave a shit what anyone thought of him and his hobbies. That always intrigued you and inspired you, you tried so hard to fit in for a long time that perhaps you were starting to realise that it was doing more harm than good. That maybe without his viewpoint you were about to reach a point where your entire personality wasn't personal at all. Just a mash of pop culture and hobbies deemed acceptable in a desperate plea to fit in. You were thankful things were different now.

Every encounter with him had been memorable in some way. You recalled him catching your gaze from across the cafeteria. It was a look of caution yet intrigue, perhaps that he knew you were a lost sheep but in disguise as someone who didn’t need saving.

Now, especially with your first year of university underneath your belt you decided to accept yourself for who you were. You wondered how much of that had to do with Eddie, but shook it off. Surely not, you weren’t even really friends in high school. Not that you never wanted to be, maybe it was fear of rejection that stopped you. Not anymore.

With every step down the road somehow you didn’t feel nervous. In fact, you felt excited and curious. You wanted to learn more about this ex-suspected-murderer. Normally this is something people would run away from yet you were far from normal.

He sat on the front step of his trailer smoking a cigarette. You felt a gentle tug on the corner of your lip as you spotted him before he saw you further down the road. He looked nervous, an expression you were never used to seeing on Eddie Munson. The moment he noticed you though it seemed to mostly melt away in a facade of awkward confidence he always wore.

You could feel the heat soaking into your body from the sun as you walked down to greet him. He held a beer bottle in his hand that he tapped his index finger against nervously. The thought of him being nervous to talk to you made you a little giddy.

“Hey, Eddie,” you folded your arms as you looked down at him. 

“Hey, y/n,” he spoke curtly. “Back for your kitty?”

You couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes hesitated over the scar on your hip before he met your gaze. It had to be half a second at most but you didn’t miss it.

“That’s the plan.” You smiled before nodding to the beer in his hand, “you didn’t get me one?”

“Oh- I uh, yeah I could-“ he turned to get up before you interrupted.

“I was just teasing. It seems like you need it, you’re as on edge as our cat.” You offered a sympathetic smile. 

He nodded and shrugged “yeah, well, been through a lot the last, uh, week. Long story.” 

You moved to sit on the wooden platform of the other entrance that held a chair and sofa. You placed your bag of cat things next to you as Eddie watched curiously. 

“Well, I’ve got time.” You crossed your legs as you pulled out a tin of cat food, opening it and dumping the contents on the dish you brought.

“That’s disgusting,” Eddie watched the cat food plop onto the plate amused. 

“Oh yeah, it tastes great on sandwiches.” You smiled at him mischievously as he looked at you in horror. 

“Kidding,” you shook your head at him. “What’s got you so jumpy?”

There was a bit of a pause as he hesitated, perhaps wondering if he should make up a lie or tell the truth. It seemed he picked the latter.

“Do you believe in monsters?” He asked nonchalantly, big brown eyes trying to read your expression.

You put a finger to your chin thinking for a moment. “Depends. Werewolves? No way. Bigfoot? Yes. Moth man? Definitely.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow unable to tell if you were joking or not. 

You smirked, “I keep an open mind but the real monsters are people.”

You hopped off the platform carrying the cat dish with you. You could tell Eddie was trying hard to avoid watching you as you placed the dish on the ground. Instead he brought the bottle to his lips, his adams apple bobbing as he drank. 

“Well, you got that right.” He nodded nonchalantly.

He seemed to hesitate as if holding something back. Instead of pushing him you returned back to your spot on the wooden platform letting him take his time. 

“Ever hear of the cult of Vecna?” He asked, staring blankly into the sky before looking at you with sad brown eyes. 

“Vecna Lives! from the world of Greyhawk?” You asked and he looked back at you pleasantly surprised.

He nodded, “well it seems Vecna does live. Some kind of time and space multidimensional being that gets inside your head and uh, you can guess the rest.”

“I see,” You kicked your feet against the ground slightly. “Is that who caused your arm to bleed?”

You weren’t sure if he was telling the truth or not but you didn’t want to deem him a liar. Who would make up a lie like that?

“No,” his gaze fell to his arm. “Those were demobats. Still think my explanation is sane?” He looked up at you. 

You shook your head at him. “I’ve heard worse. Not sure what a demobat is though.”

“Well, it doesn't matter because in the end they were no match for me!” He smiled as he put the butt of his cigarette out on the dirty ashtray.

You did your best to not make it seem like you were staring but it was hard to not notice the muscle tone in his arms as he moved.

Truth is Eddie Munson amused you and interested you at the same time. He seemed like a simple guy that did what he pleased yet he was perplexing at the same time. What was he hiding?

A small black spot in the corner of your eye moved. Your eyes darted over to the plate of food noticing the kitty happily chowing down.

“Don’t make any sudden movements,” you warned. 

“What, is there a spider?” He asked suddenly with a tinge of fear.

“I sure hope not,” you did your best to suppress your laughter.

You nodded to the plate of cat food as Eddie’s large eyes followed yours.

“What do we do now?” He asked, a little surprised but trying not to be too loud.

“Not sure, I honestly didn’t think I’d get this far,” you replied honestly as his serious expression turned into a heartfelt smile that made your heart race.

“Psspsspss!” Eddie tried to call him over.

The little black kitten looked up at him, twitching his ripped ear cautiously at the noise. He just finished the last of his food and was looking for more. His hungry tummy must’ve got the better of him as he slowly started to make his way towards Eddie.

“Awh,” You say quietly as if to not scare him. “He likes you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Eddie whispered as he held his hand out.

The kitty cautiously sniffed his hand, seemingly annoyed when there was no food in it.

You swiftly reached into your bag pulling out some cat treats. The kitten looked over nervously as soon as he heard the bag crinkle and you tossed a couple in front of you. His eyes darted quickly to the spot on the ground where the treats landed. He crouched down low giving an adorable little butt wiggle before pouncing on one of the treats.

“Man has his priorities in order,” you laughed. 

Eddie smiled genuinely at the sight and it seemed to be the most relaxed you’ve seen him. His shoulders were lower as if he had released the hidden tension as he leaned back. He brought the beer to his lips drinking the last of the liquid while the scene before him unfolded.

The kitten slowly started to make his way towards you, his tiny paws cautiously padding across the gravel. The little black kitten rubbed against your leg graciously, you figured it to be a thank you for the treats.

You leaned down holding your hand out with a treat in the palm of your hand. At first he was apprehensive but then he graciously accepted the treat. You ran your fingers over the soft fur on his head as he chomped down on the treat.

The kitten seemed less scared of you now so you scooped him up into your hands. Somehow, some way it worked. You could even feel the soft vibration of him purring against your arms. 

“Look at you, cat whisperer,” Eddie rolled his tongue over the words.

“It’s the food, that’s how you win his love.” You smiled scratching the kitties head.

Eddie nodded “Yeah well, little buddies got the right idea, don’t ya Scar?”

“Scar? A little on the nose don’t you think?” Still it made you smile. “Are you a fan of the lion king?”

“I still cry at the movie,” he admitted. “So now what do we do with the rascal?”

“Well, we can bring him inside but he’s dirty. I’ve got some clear shampoo with me.”

“Sounds like it’s time to give him a b-a-t-h,” Eddie whispered as if the cat could understand. “We can give him one here.”

“I don’t think he knows the word bat-“ you started. 

“Shhh! Don’t say it, you'll freak him out.” Eddie protested. 

You laughed as Eddie stood, turning to open the door. Now it was time to enter the home of Eddie Munson for the first time.

===

💙💙💙💙

Thanks so much for reading, likes, reblogs & comments are much appreciated!

Hope you have a lovely day my reader!

-Wyv

[marie-swriting]

Chosen You - Eddie Munson

Stranger Things Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : You come back to Hawkins and run into Eddie Munson, the boy you loved.

Warnings : angst, bittersweet ending, mention of pressure from parents about school, fake friends, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language.

A/N : So sorry for the delay ! I really hoped I was gonna publish it earlier but University is being unbearable right now... Anyway, here's the one shot from last week. Hope you'll enjoy it

Word count : 3.7k

French Version

Song inspiration : Back To December (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

A Blondie tape in your hands, you look for other music the store has to offer you. You don’t have a specific artist in mind, you just want to have more records in your collection and you missed the small Hawkins music store, too. 

You keep searching until your eyes find a tape of Iron Maiden. You’re about to grab it, a nostalgic smile on your face, when another hand hits yours. You begin to apologise when you notice the person’s rings. Looking up, you find Eddie. You haven’t seen each other since you moved out last January after your dad got a job opportunity in another State. Eddie’s eyes are wide open as he’s looking at you before his face becomes neutral. His guard is up and you know why, unfortunately. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you left.” Eddie questions, shocked. 

“I did. We came back a few weeks ago to visit my family.”

“Oh, I see. Sounds logical.” he says awkwardly before making a gesture toward the shelf in front of you, “You can take the tape if you want.”

“No, go ahead. I just wanted to look at it.”

Eddie takes the tape, quickly checks the price before beginning to leave.

“How’s life?” you suddenly ask, stopping him in his tracks.

“I’ve been good.” Eddie informs, turning to you.

“What about Wayne? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“He’s doing okay, too.”

You gaze at Eddie and notice how tense he is. He replies with short sentences and doesn’t ask you questions, probably to finish this conversation as quickly as possible. You’re not even surprised when you realise this. You should have expected it. Though, by coming back to Hawkins, you absolutely wanted to talk to him and now, there is your chance, you can’t let it go.

“Are you still playing at the Hideout?”

“Yeah, every Tuesday. We’ve finally caught the attention of some people. We’re also looking for a second place to play at.”

“That’s great. I’m very happy for you.” you admit, sincere.

“Thanks. I gotta go pay.” Eddie informs, showing you the tape and a new guitar string.

“Eddie, wait!” you hold him back once again. “I… I wanted to know if I could come see you perform at the Hideout.”

“It’s a free country. Do whatever you want.”

“And I was also hoping that, maybe, we could talk after the concert.” you begin, fidgeting with your fingers. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I’d understand. I just want to talk, you wouldn’t even have to answer me, just listen. If that’s okay with you.”

“Huh, sure, why not. Meet me behind the bar once I’m done.”

“I’ll be there. Thank you, Eddie.”

Eddie pinches his lips together and lightly nods before leaving you. You’ve never had a conversation this awkward. You’re both walking on eggshells, as if you were strangers again and in some way, you are. Your heart tightens in your chest at this thought. Talking with Eddie is awkward whereas before, it used to be easy.

You had randomly become friends toward the end of your junior year. Indeed, you weren’t in the same social circle; Eddie was part of the outcast whilst you were one of the populars. However, thanks to one detention set at the same hour, you had met. The teacher who was supposed to supervise you had left you alone, allowing you to talk. You had matched instantly and by the start of the summer break, you were a couple. 

One summer day, you were in his van while you were telling him he’d be playing at the Hideout in a few weeks. At first, Eddie didn’t believe you then, he saw your serious face and he realised it was the truth.

“What did you even do to have a bar allowing us to play?” Eddie asked.

“I can’t tell you my tricks.”

“Come on, tell me! I’m curious.”

“Let’s just say I learn a thing or two about sacrifices. You know, my boyfriend worships Satan so it was easy. I don't know if you know him.” you joked.

“Manson, right? I heard he was leading a cult. Are you sure he’s good for you? He doesn’t seem frequentable.”

“The problem is the age gap. He’s much older than me, so I think about dumping him.”

“Hey! I’m only one year older.” he said, defensive.

“It doesn’t change the fact you’re older than me. How was life when you didn’t have electricity?”

Eddie gave you a deadpan look to show his annoyance yet, he ended up laughing. You watched him laughing from the passenger side whilst enjoying the sound of his laugh and the way his face lit up. You could have admired him like this your whole life. 

With Eddie, it was always easy to talk without giving you grief. You never took yourselves seriously and before meeting him, you hadn’t noticed how much you needed this. You had never felt this safe with someone before him. 

On top of talking being easy, it was also comforting. You always struggled with opening up to people but with Eddie, you did. It took you a few months to be vulnerable with him, though. After the first time you did it, you realised Eddie wasn’t like the others and he would have never judged you. 

One September night, you went to the trailer park with puffy eyes. You knocked on Eddie’s door with force. You were hugging yourself, searching for some kind of comfort. Upon opening the door, Eddie was at first happy to see you before noticing your face.

“Y/N, is everything okay?”

“Sorry, I… I should have called. I…” you stuttered before getting scared. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m gonna leave you alone.” you said turning around.

“Wait, tell me what’s wrong.” Eddie retorted, taking your hand.

“It’s nothing.”

“You were crying, it’s not nothing. Come here, we’ll be better inside.” he invited you with a sweet smile.

You entered without a response. Eddie’s worry worsened, he had always seen you smiling, ready to talk about anything for hours. He wasn’t used to you being silent and empty inside. Looking at you, he swore you could have collapsed at any given second. And maybe it was the case. He didn’t talk right away, giving you the time to gather your thoughts whilst you stayed silent, your eyes on your feet.

“What happened?” he finally asked you after a few minutes.

“It’s ridiculous. I told you it’s nothing bad.” you affirmed, brushing it off.

“Seeing the state you’re in, I wouldn’t say this.”

“I don’t want to bother you with my insignificant problems.”

Upon hearing you using the word “insignificant”, Eddie got annoyed. He cared a lot about you and he had quickly realised you always tended to think your problems were less important than others’. Obviously you didn’t have the same issues - you just had to look on the economic side, your family was well off unlike his but that didn’t mean you weren’t struggling with other things. Eddie admired your selflessness though he hated how it prevented you from putting yourself first.

“Talk to me, I’m here for you.” Eddie insisted.

“I argued with my parents. It’s not the first time but this time, it went too far.” you admitted, sighing. “It just started with my History grade and then, my parents kept reproaching me for everything and anything. They kept putting me down, saying I’m good for nothing. They told me it’s not with those grades I’d be able to get into Med School to which I replied I want to be a teacher and that was the beginning of the end. They clearly told me I could never do it and I could do better. Then, they criticised everything they could about me.” you confessed before taking a deep breath. “You know, I’m used to all of this, I shouldn’t feel so bad about it, yet it still hurts, Eddie. I feel like I’m a failure because of them and maybe I am. In any case, I’m not good enough. 

At your last sentence, you broke down into tears once more. Eddie didn’t wait a minute before taking you in his arms.

“You’re good enough, even more than that. And you’re not a failure either. You’re smart and I know you’ll succeed in your life no matter what you do. Don’t listen to them.”

Eddie repeated these sentences as a way of calming you down. You cried until you shed the very last tear while holding him as if he was your lifeline.

As soon as you finally started breathing normally again, you felt a headache coming, then you broke the embrace, still avoiding his eye ; you felt ashamed because of the way you cried. You had never let anyone see that side of you before. You had always dealt with your feelings on your own. For you, no one was supposed to know when you were in pain inside.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” he asked you, frowning.

“I came here without telling you first and I just talked about my problems. You could have been busy or something and I only thought about myself.”

“Don’t apologise for that. I’m your boyfriend, remember? I’m not only here for the happy moments, I’m also for your bad days. It’s my job to be here for you.” Eddie affirmed, stroking your cheek.

“Sure but I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend for you, always smiling, I didn’t want you to think less of me and-”

“You don’t have to be perfect.” Eddie interrupted you. “We’re humans, we’re not supposed to be perfect, even less when we’re our age so don’t worry about it. My opinion on you hasn’t changed.”

“Thank you, Eddie.” you started with a light smile. “It means a lot to me what you just said. I love you.” you let go without realising before having your eyes wide open. “Oh my God, sorry, I-”

“I love you, too.”

After Eddie’s sentence, you lovingly looked into each other’s eyes before sharing a short, yet full of love, kiss. You hugged Eddie again, needing to feel him against you.

After enjoying the embrace for a moment, you went to his bedroom to rest, being emotionally drained. Eddie gave you medicine for your headache then, you fell asleep quickly after, Eddie’s comforting arms wrapped around your waist.

From that day on, you started being more vulnerable with Eddie, learning to open up to him more, letting him in when you needed to. Your relationship evolved, becoming stronger. You knew deep down Eddie was someone good for you and you were happy with him.

Unfortunately, your efforts weren’t enough.

December had just begun and every student of Hawkins High was happy. Winter break was around the corner just like the famous winter prom. Everyday, people were getting asked out. Generally, it was a cute proposal but, sometimes, the refusal could be harsh.

Eddie and you had talked about prom without really going on about it. He had mentioned it to you as a way to discover if it was something you were looking forward to. Eddie couldn’t care less about it however, he had thought that maybe it wouldn’t be the same for you. You had told him you’d like to go but you weren’t doing a countdown until prom. Furthermore, you were also busy with packing because you'd be moving out in January so going to prom was the last thing on your mind.

On top of prom, you had discussed that maybe it was time to be less secretive about your relationship; precisely, no one knew about you two after seven months of being together. Eddie didn’t want you to get mocked at and as for you, you enjoyed having this relationship only for yourself. All of your life, you had complied with your parent’s and your friends’ expectations. However, with Eddie, it was different and you wanted to protect this part of your life.

And this is how Eddie found himself with a small bouquet of roses in hand, waiting for you at the end of the school day in the school parking lot. He was trying to convince himself the roses weren’t too much. Girls liked roses, right? He hoped you weren’t the exception to the rule. And also, it was a prom proposal, it had to be sappy. Sure, this wasn't like Eddie and he knew you weren’t that romantic though, he also knew that from time to time, you appreciated a cliché yet sentimental gesture.

Eddie had skipped the whole day to rehearse what he was going to say. Despite being an extrovert and his ability to improvise a speech, he wanted it to be perfect for you and not being the romantic type, he was scared of losing his composure.

Once Eddie saw you leaving school with some of your friends, he took a deep breath before walking closer to you. As soon as you saw him coming, you frowned. After all, he was supposed to skip school, you didn’t expect to find him there. You also noticed his nervosity, something not normal about Eddie.

“Is the Freak really holding a bouquet?” your friend Juliet said, surprised.

“Is he coming our way?” your other friend Sarah questioned.

“God, I hope not.”

Upon hearing your friend’s comments, you remembered you weren’t alone. They still didn’t know you were with Eddie and their remarks were the reasons why. You didn’t plan on Eddie coming to see you whilst you were with them. Sure, you talked about not keeping it a secret anymore but you didn’t think you’d be doing it right now. Your stomach twisted, fearing what was going to happen.

“Y/N, can we talk?” Eddie asked with a nervous smile.

“She’ll go nowhere with you. Talk to her here.” Juliet ordered before you could answer.

“Very well.” he accepted, starting to feel more uneasy. “I know we didn’t really talk about going to prom together, especially because it’s not the kind of thing I like, but I know you’d like to go so, if you want to, I would be happy to be your date. Oh, I also got you some flowers.” Eddie nervously said, handing you the bouquet yet, you didn’t move. “It’s too much, isn’t it? I knew it’d be too cliché-”

“Is the Freak bothering you?” Jason Carver questions, coming towards you with other guys from the basketball team.

“He asked Y/N to go to prom with him.” Sarah informed, making your friends laugh.

“Seriously? Are you that dumb?”

“It’s none of your business, Carver.” Eddie retorted with gritted teeth.

“What makes you think she’d like to go out with a guy like you?”

“Because being with a guy like you would just be a disappointment. And also, I know she wants to go out with a guy like me.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I’m not gonna talk with you anymore. So, Y/N, what do you think?”

“You don’t have to answer him.” Jason interrupted him.

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” Eddie asked anyway.

After hearing Eddie’s question, all of your friends started snickering at him. Eddie sucked it up to not react, focusing on you instead. Though he didn’t understand why you were friends with them, he still didn’t want to create a fight out of respect for you. Besides, this moment was supposed to be romantic, it couldn’t end in a bad way.

As for you, your brain had stopped working. You didn’t know what to do anymore and your friends’ laughter and comments weren’t helping. You could see Eddie was waiting for a positive answer from you but the peer-pressure was preventing you from jumping into his arms while accepting his proposal and taking his bouquet. You opened and closed your mouth several times, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, you heard one of your closest friends saying how ridiculous your ‘potential’ relationship with Eddie would be, on top of being destined to fail and before you could realise it, you replied: 

“Eddie, you seem like someone nice but we don’t know each other so no. Don’t take it the wrong way, I didn’t want to go to prom in the first place. I appreciate you thinking of me though.”

“Wow, you’re right, we clearly don’t know each other.” he replied, hiding the hurt in his eyes. “How stupid I was to think you’d be different from them.”

And with these words, Eddie violently threw the bouquet of roses at your feet then walked away. You watched him leave with teary eyes while you were mentally calling yourself names. Your friends were bursting out laughing at his humiliation. You stayed there, frozen for a few minutes, not believing what you just did. After everything Eddie did for you, you put him down. After all the love Eddie gave you, you let him down for friends who never cared about you.

That night, you cried yourself to sleep. The pain in your chest was unbearable, you thought you deserved it, though. Eddie was probably in a worse state. You had broken his trust. He would be mad at you his whole life, that was for sure.

You never dared to call him, too ashamed to face him. Moreover, with your move getting closer, you tried to make yourself feel better by thinking that your relationship was going to end regardless. This thought was only comforting for a second before guilt would twist your stomach. You ended up leaving Hawkins without being able to say you’re sorry even though you wished more than anything to fix the situation.

But now, you have the chance to do it. You can finally make up for your mistakes. You have to do it, even if there is a risk Eddie gets mad at you. You’re ready to face his anger as long as you can apologise to him. He deserves your apologies.

Tuesday night, you arrive at the Hideout whilst Corroded Coffin has already started playing a few minutes ago. You make yourself discreet, staying in one of the corners of the bar. Glancing around, you notice that only a few people are listening to them which annoys you. You don’t like seeing Eddie’s band not being fully appreciated.

While Corroded Coffin is performing, you realise they’ve improved a lot. Additionally, now, they play more original songs than covers. During the concert, your eyes are set on Eddie. You watch him being happy to perform even if the public is composed of a few drunks and you. He’s having fun with his friends, his smile is genuine. You miss his sweet smile. It always had a therapeutic effect on you. You wish you could still be the reason behind his smile.

You pay attention to every song. The last one hits you the most. You don’t need to listen to the chorus to know it’s about your break up. As you listen to his pain through the music, your heart breaks once again. You see in Eddie’s eyes that he feels every emotion whilst he’s singing, as if you had ripped his heart out of his chest yesterday. At that moment, you wish everything was different. You wish you were the inspiration behind a song that makes him happy on stage, not one where it feels like he might break down the next second.

When Corroded Coffin finishes performing, you applaud them, followed by a few other people who do it to be polite. Eddie goes behind the bar and you follow him a few minutes later. 

Outside, Eddie lights a cigarette whilst you get closer to him, embarrassed and your arms crossed on your chest.

“Your performance was awesome.” you compliment, catching his attention.

“Thanks. So, you wanted to talk, right?” he asks, bringing his cigarette to his lips. “I’m listening.”

“Oh, yeah… I… I wanted to apologise.” you stutter, avoiding his gaze for a second. “You’re a good guy, Eddie and I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did, you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry for breaking your heart and above all, I’m sorry for that day. I shouldn’t have humiliated you like this by saying I didn’t know you, it was mean. I wish I could say I acted like this because of the pressure from my friends but they didn’t force me to say no. I had a choice between standing by my feelings for you in front of everyone and giving up on you and I picked the wrong option. I should have chosen you. I swear if I could, I’d go back to December and change everything. I’d make sure to not run for my life and to love you like you loved me. I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t, I know it. I’ll always live with the regret of losing you because of my own stupidity. You were the best boyfriend I ever had and that I’ll probably ever have.” you say, emotional. “So I’m saying sorry for everything that I did. And if, by some miracle, you agreed to talk to me again, to give me one last chance, I swear I’d love you right. Not necessarily in a romantic way but I wouldn’t ruin everything once again. I know what I’m saying doesn’t erase the pain I caused you and you don’t have to answer anything to what I’ve said but you deserve to hear it.” you finish, clearing your throat. “I’m gonna leave you alone now.” you add before starting to walk away.

“Y/N, wait!” Eddie holds you back and you turn to him. “Thanks for what you just told me. I appreciate it. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget what you did but I appreciate your apologies.”

“You gave me so much, it’s the least I could do. I hope the next person you find will know how to love you like I should have.”

You give him one last smile before leaving. You feel a weight lifting off your shoulders now that you’ve properly made your amends, though you know the guilt will never go away. Maybe in another universe, you didn’t make the mistake of pushing him away? In any case you find some comfort to that thought.

Stranger Things Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

[alsoyooraiyah]

Tell us about Dola!

shsjshs idek where to start with Dola ;w; thank u for giving me an outlet for talking about her LND incarnation omg I hope you know what you’re getting into when you asked this…

so like!! in general she’s my OC that I use everywhere bc I just like her too much to even care about making other OCs because to me she’s like… the ultimate cool doll >.> she tends to retain a lot of her traits each time + I try to keep as much of her original conflicted artist background as possible while still making it make sense with the lore of the universe I’m putting her in

So in LND as MC, she still has Caleb + Josephine, is a Hunter, and ofc has the aether core in her heart but strays from canon in that:

Art has a huge place in her life because her parents were renowned artists and she was primed to follow in their footsteps. She ends up dropping it sometime after she was orphaned though, and only picks it up around high school age and in secret

Gets dreams of fragments of her past lives with Rafayel, but she can never recall the face of the man that’s always in her dreams once she wakes up. Trying to sketch out the man’s face is her main reason for getting into art again, and it snowballs into her making art inspired by her dreams in general

She knows a lot about Lemurian myth and history because she dreams about the place + this one Lemurian so much that she had to look into it, and by extension is fascinated by the sea

Which also means that she did actually attend Rafayel’s lectures at her university when he became a visiting professor there. They kind of only have one proper conversation throughout that entire year though.

Her heart issues affect her more than they affect MC in canon, so the UNICORNS treat her a little differently to work around it. Largely that means she doesn’t go on as many missions as MC seems to? And is often deployed a support/the human radar bc of her Evol rather than a frontline fighter.

Doesn’t feel that strongly about being a Hunter once she actually is one? Tbh I think she kinda hates a majority of the work and commitment that comes with it but feels she can’t just quit after spending so much time working towards becoming one. Xavier and their training sessions together are kind of the main things keeping her there (+ she has fun killing Wanderers)

She’s not as bubbly or cheerful or bratty as the canon MC is. Her personality is a lot more reserved and introverted and she LOVES studying + learning, but there’s still a bit of playfulness there. There’s actually so many parts of the main story, Tender Moments, and Bond/Memoria that I’m changing or outright excluding because they just don’t work out for her the same way they do with canon MC sigh >.>;;

LOVES plants and flowers. In every iteration I have of her she’s at least half covered in floral tattoos and her home is always full of them! Very into flower language to an extent that I’m not ahdjsjs she makes me research a lot of things…

Kind of obsessed with death (mostly because she believes herself to be on a short timer) and is a little fucked up? Will join Rafayel in his quest for vengeance and will believe his murders are all justified if she finds out about them tbh.

^Okay I feel like that’s a lot ahdjshsja >.> in LND I wrote her with Rafayel in mind as the endgame >.> Zayne’s more of a bestie/brother/secret third thing, and Xavier… I guess to her he’s a friend but he definitely is in love with her? And Dola eventually becomes aware of that and isn’t quite sure what to do about it.

Gosh anyway!! Thank you for being interested ahdjshsjs she’s been my baby and muse for like… 3-4 years at this point? I have so many thoughts about her like you wouldn’t believe ;-;

(i have a whole inspo blog for her ahdjshs it’s @dolasach >.>)

[some-unlucky-girl]

I’m new to this whole blogging thing if I’m gonna be frank. I mostly just hopped on here because I’m tired of the Reddit crowd and my usual brand of negativity doesn’t really jive well the in crowds of discord so now so I guess I’m just here now. So let me introduce myself I’m billet and about a year ago I started going to full sail for audio production.

Music has always been one of my passions and I spent my confused and edgy teen years trying to smash together metal licks with my shidiot teenage boy friends to pretty much no real success. Between being broke ass trailer park kids and lack of drummers and bass players. We really didn’t have the what we needed to really record anything really.

Anyway by the time I was 17 after many falling out with my current set of piers. I was depressed and alone as I wanted to be with no one for company besides this white boi rapper drug dealer. My now late mother used to rent out my room at the time to the local dealers for some extra side skrilla and he happened to be one of them.

We just kinda hit it off at the time and would smoke hella gas and watch dragon ball on vhs tapes. He just preferred them to digital formats. So one I were were chilling and I was on abit of a tirade about how I really missed making music how I couldn’t really do it anymore and yadda yadda yadda. When he stopped me and pointed out that the crappy computer my mother had just procured for me. Was fully capable of recording my vocals. He showed me how to boot up garage band and that day I recorded the worst cover of from first to last note to self you’ll ever hear.

From then on I world get random instrumentals I’d find on YouTube and just go to town. I have like a fraction of my old stuff from then on my old sound cloud with run of the mill 2014 edgy and offensive titles on a few which I regret now in hindsight.

After I lost my old laptop and my life fell to pieces during Irma i was 19 at the time. Once I got back on my feet I spent a few years moonlighting as an emo trap artist. As is the usual for metalcore scene washouts who couldn’t hack it within those circles.

Life got in the way again after about 2 years of rough whiny sad boi songs . Me and my partner moved states and we got our own space again but I still didn’t have a good computer or mic to record with. Because we were kinda hurting for cash I used to donate plasma at our local blood bank. Well one day I finished up my usual donation I had one of the other donors offer me a ride. I didn’t really think anything of it so I accepted and the bitch neglected to tell me her car didn’t have breaks until after we were on the road. One near death experience later I decided to go back to school for something I’ve always be interested in.

I’ve always been a fan of horror and I had recently finished a few analog horror series’s. Aswell as plethora of movies and games. A lot of which were very fresh in my mind and I still think about to this day. Being a shoegaze enjoyer and recently at the time having just discovered sigilkore. It’s basically if trap and hyper pop had an edgy bastard child. I figured why don’t I try to take some of the mixing styles I’ve heard in sigilkore and the density of some shoegaze projects I liked. Blend it together and shit fuck it into some horror inspired big cringe. There is this one artist called shedfromthebody she did this project where she was kinda larping as a weird fae creature thing in her music videos. So after I made my first song in years splinter. I figured well I’m a satanist why don’t I right songs in the Kayfabe of me being a demon who feeds on dreams and negative energy thus the reason why my first mixtape that I have embedded here. Is called dream eater. From there I would find free beats remix them and record my vocals over them.

Now I’m pretty done with my schooling. So I’ve trying to focus finishing up so I can work on my beat production skills. Well anyway if you read all of this thanks I always appreciate when anyone gives me the time of day. If I stick around I’ll prob keep posting

End of edgy backstory

[tumblepenguin]

Why Weird: The Al Yankovic Story is the best music biopic film

So I watched it last night and I highly recommend it! But while watching the movie I kept thinking "This script is too good. Like this is too clever for it's own good." This thought couldn't escape me. I had to break down why this movie is, quite frankly, the perfect parody and love letter to the music biopic film. Quite possibly the best music biopic film.

In this essay, I will be using the songs that are explicitly referenced in Weird: The Al Yankovic Story as a way to showcase how they reflect or subvert the music biopic film tropes. How these songs are meant show the "real life backstory" of Weird Al Yankovic (and also, the universe this movie takes place in) is quite frankly buckwild. And we start at The Beginning and our first song.

My Bologna—The movie begins with the framing device—a voice over. Then, Weird Al is going to the hospital and being pronounced dead by Lin Manuel Miranda (the Hamilton writer/multi Grammy winner who was receiving the Hollywood Walk of Fame Star the same day as Weird Al and WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE WITH WEIRD AL AT THE TIME OF THE ANNOUCEMENT OF THEIR WINS. ANYWAY WE WILL GET BACK TO THIS PLOT POINT LATER).

More voiceover. We see the hero's journey start by showing how Weird Al was a musically gifted child, but his family discouraged him. His Mom is the traditional 50's wife while Dad is a Overworked Blue Collar Man who works at factory (BUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE MAKES, SIMILAR TO HOW IN A BIOPIC MOVIE, THE "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME DAD" DAD HAS "A TOUGH JOB THAT PUT BREAD ON THE TABLE, BUT MY DAMN SON DOESN'T APPRECIATE IT" FACTORY JOB). It is here we also establish the future Mentor+Agent character, but I'm getting ahead of myself. After receiving "The One True Calling"—(ie, the traveling salesman with the accordion, others gaining the appreciation for his talent at a high school polka party, the reveal to the "You Don't Understand Me" Dad how his son played the accordion in secret (complete with doing so "in the closet" because "My mom supports my artistic achievements, but still has to be a good housewife and follow her husband's rules, but to hell with the rules" idea), only for the "You Don't Understand Me" Dad to crush his spirits (ie throw him out of the house for his talent and we get the important line of "I will become Perhaps Not Technically the Best at But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player")—does our hero start the journey. He has a couple of tough gigs/ getting rejected while he's away from home. The future band mates are the new friends he makes away from home (guys that, as the movie points out, have shown NO MUSICAL TALENT OR INTEREST EARLIER IN THE FILM UNTIL THE BIG "GETS DISCOVERED BY A MENTOR+AGENT" MOMENT. GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF). After encouraging our hero to keep going, the future bandmates find themselves at the BIG MOMENT. The moment when our hero is tested for first time with the 1st song. The one that all audiences will know. A softball in terms of the types of references yet to come. In this case, Weird Al gets the inspiration for My Bologna after making his future bandmates a boloney sandwich.

I Love Rocky Road—The "Gets Discovered By a Mentor+Agent" moment of the music biopic. So after the real life recording of My Bologna in the bathroom (with some "dramatic license"), our hero sends his song to Captain Buffoon, a radio DJ (great name btw). The song is played on the radio and to our hero, things are looking up for him! Wrong! The record execs with TERRIBLE WIGS™ aren't buying it! They don't understand how this will get them cash money.

(Sidebar: one of the record executives is Weird Al himself in a Terrible Wig ™. And the other executive (Will Forte) is just laying into our hero. Just laying it on with saying "You're so dumb! You'll never amount to anything. Your breath kinda sticks too!" kinda jokes. And The Real Weird Al is like "hey man, that seems a little harsh." But Will Forte keeps going, making the childish insults worse. And The Real Weird Al has to say "that's kinda harsh, you don't need to go into him like that" about Fictional Weird Al. Anyway, great sequence folks.)

But our hero is not discouraged. Cause his tape to Captain Buffoon did get him a gig at a TOUGH BIKER BAR™/the "Tough crowd to win over" moment (with one bar patron being Patton Oswald, who was originally Dr Demento in the Funny or Die sketch that kicked this whole idea off. The bar owner is Dot-Marie Jones, which made me personally happy). And so he goes up alone, starts singing. But it doesn't seem to be working! The bikers/crowd aren't buying it either! See, they know what it means to be real! But low! Our hero, being discouraged, suddenly shows that "he can do it guys"! Not only that, but his friends are joining him too! The band is forming! The crowd is loving it! What once was slurs and heckling being thrown at our hero is now rapturous applause! Our hero's trial is over. BUT, a dark entity was watching from the bar. In a funny looking getup in the shadows.

Another One Rides the Bus—The Dark Bargain begins. Our dark bargain mentor figure is Rainn Wilson, playing Dr Demento (there are 2. COUNT EM 2 JOKES ABOUT DEMENTORS IN THIS SCENE ALONE. WITH LONG PAUSES FOR AUDIENCES TO REALIZE HE REFERENCING HARRY POTTER WHILE HARRY POTTER (Daniel Radcliffe) IS ON SCREEN). The success of the song means our hero gets his first taste of FAME and HIS STAGE NAME. He goes to a party with the ultimate blunt rotation including:

• Devo

• Elton John

• PeeWee Herman

• Tiny Tim

• Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

• Alice Cooper with a fake snake

• The comedian Gallagher played by Paul F Tompkins

• Kate Pierson from the B-52s

• Grace Jones

• Divine

• Salvador Dali

• Frank Zappa

• Conan O'Brien as Andy Warhol

(Sidebar: There is also a man with a guitar talking to "Elton" and another shot of a man with white blonde hair and suit that I didn't recognize. If someone could help me identify who these are supposed to be, that would be great!)

And our hero gets tested again by Jack Black as Wolfman Jack and John Deacon (bass player of Queen, which is funny because MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THAT INFO, SO WE'RE MAKING JOKES ABOUT HOW RECOGNIZABLE SOMEONE IS. THE IDEA COMES UP AGAIN LATER IN THE MOVIE). This group of people are like the bikers—they need to see if he's the Real Thing AGAIN. Which gives us another "in universe" biopic song. And the guests are impressed! And soon, our boy is getting interviewed by Oprah (with Quinta Brunson as Oprah, which is incredible). The interview starts showing that he is getting money, the house he always wanted, The Dream ™. He even shows his chain of platinum records that he wears at all times (IT SAVES HIM LATER, TRUST ME). All he needs now is THE GIRL. Enter Evan Rachel Wood as Madonna. She sees the interview with Oprah and "Sees What She Likes

(Sidebar: in the Oprah broadcast we find out Pablo Escobar—yes, the international drug cartel leader—is one of the biggest Weird Al fans. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER).

Cut to a hotel room. Our hero makes THE PHONE CALL BACK HOME™ to check in with the family. His mom picks up (IT'S ALWAYS THE MOM IN MOVIES. ALWAYS), and she says that she misses her little boy and Dad isn't home cause he's working the factory. The trope gets subverted because she says how disappointed she is with our hero, instead of the typical "Moms always support their kids and their kids' dreams" in most movies. This brings the hero DOWN. He finds his mentor (for some reason being in a bathtub connected to the bedroom where the The Phone Call From Home™ happens). And he gets drugged on LSD! So now we have a Dream Sequence. Which is amazing! At the end, he emerges Reborn! He has also created THE GREATEST THING EVER. His "Sgt. Pepper's" (including DRUG INFLUENCE ™) if you will.

Eat It—This time, "The record executives can do nothing but be in awe of the genius they just listened to". But our hero is tired of being a ONE TRICK PONY. He wants to make his own music. This song isn't a parody. And in the universe of the movie, Michael Jackson is the greatest Parody writer of all time. Because "Beat It" in this universe is a cover song (maybe so are all popular songs ever—hard to say). Now the little man and his accordion are the ones who dominate the charts. They shape music history forever. Not everyone he actually covers in real life.

(Sidebar: This is the most batshit thought I had while watching this movie. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.)

This song is The Biggest Song in the World. And our hero is getting even more FAME. But with that comes Another Dark Bargain. At this point in a music biopic, our hero will have/or has encountered his supposed downfall. In music biopics, it's usually the mentor+agent, corrupted by money/fame. Sometimes it's the girlfriend who's a HUGE SLUT/does a lot of drugs/encourages the use of drugs/just being a BAD INFLUENCE. In this case, the girlfriend is Madonna (someone that Conservatives think is all the things depicted in the movie already. Yes, probably even being the queen of a drug cartel after killing Pablo Escobar and then takes out Weird Al via assassination at the Not Grammy Grammys BUT I AM JUMPING AHEAD OF MYSELF IN THIS STORY). So she stops on by The Mansion™ and she and Weird Al are Opposites Attract ™. They start making out (but can't show sex scenes in a PG-13 film). And the making out is so fucking funny. But now, "The Girl is in his life, and he's starting to get distracted from his job!" plot line has entered the chat. And Dr Demento is not having it. Instead of focusing on some exciting opportunities (including playing for Pablo "Previously Stated as One of Weird Al's Biggest Fans" Escobar for his 40th birthday party. Also there's a joke about Led Zeppelin versus Howie Mandel and having Weird Al replace Roger Moore as James Bond. And he throws a fit about only doing original work. Which is hilarious since we live in a "Who's the next James Bond after Daniel Craig" era), our hero just wants to be with his BAD INFLUENCE.

While at dinner with Madonna, there is a phone call.

(Sidebar: Weird Al states "This has been the happiest six hours of my life". How I'm choosing to believe that from the time Madonna and Weird Al made out, do the Next Morning Scene™ to the time of this dinner—including the previously established "Getting Distracted" scene—all took place in six hours. Insane.)

It's from one of the record executives (played by The Real Weird Al). It's about Michael Jackson "parodying" Eat It. And our hero IS NOT HAVING IT ™. The first blow that will lead to DOWNFALL. The Phone is getting smashed. Our hero will now be linked to Michael Jackson forever because of this parody! He returns to the table and cannot eat (it. GET IT? Also the waiter is Josh Groban). Now Madonna is giving him alcohol. The Slow Decent to the Bottom has begun! Meanwhile, the band is pissed! We haven't seen them in several minutes, but the BAND IS FIGHTING is about to commence. They say Weird Al has lost touch. He threats to replace everyone with machines (even the GUY WE DON'T REMEMBER IS IN THE BAND, LIKE JASON DEACON, BASS PLAYER FOR QUEEN. See, it all comes back around). "You've changed man," is said. Dr Demento arrives to try and SALVAGE THE SITUATION ™. But "Anything you want to say, you can say in front of my BAD INFLUENCE." And the mentor figure thinks The Girl=Bad Influence. "She's only using you for her own gains" line is used. But our hero is blinded by the love/BAD INFLUENCE to see the truth. This is also where the hinting mention of Like a Surgeon happens (BUT WE'RE NOT THERE YET. THE PAYOFF HASN'T HAPPENED YET). "You're not my real dad!" (even though this entire time, Weird Al wasn't looking for a Father Figure™). The mentor+agent figure is now dismissed. Madonna runs after him, telling him not to Drive While Drunk. But hands over the car keys away cause she a BAD INFLUENCE. While Driving To Clear His Head ™, our hero flips through the radio. It's playing the top radio hits (HIS SONGS) and he turns off the radio is disgust. Suddenly we have a car crash.

Like a Surgeon—We are now back in the hospital. All of the previously stated information is the first HOUR AND FOUR MINUTES OF THIS MOVIE. TO SET UP THE REASON LIKE A SURGEON EXISTS AS A SONG. THIS IS THE GIVEN BACKSTORY FOR THIS SONG.

But now, it's The Second Biggest Thing of All Time. And we get choreography that's the Vogue choreography. And Madonna is doing it backstage. So she's inspired by Weird Al, not ballroom dance culture, to dance like that in Vogue. Fucking wild. Also the backup dancers are wearing cone bras (a thing Madonna made famous with Like a Virgin). We now get The Doors movie parody with the ROCK BOTTOM MOMENT. Which includes flashing the accordion to the audience (instead of a dick). And now, our boy is CANCELLED and has to LAY LOW, which mean going to a diner with his very famous girlfriend. Madonna says what their Hollywood couple/ship name should be. But they couldn't lay low, because Madonna got kidnaped by Pablo Escobar. That's right, you forgot about Pablo Escobar, didn't you? But I mentioned him previously. And now, he's now the main plotline. All for Weird Al not noticing him senpai.

And now our movie turns into an action movie. With an amazing diner fight+punchline at the end of the scene. Also a "Predator style jungle knockout to sneak onto the enemy's basecamp" scene. And Madonna is being held hostage during Pablo's 40th birthday party, including a mariachi band playing. But Weird Al shows up and a firefight ensues. He gains the upper hand (cause everyone is a terrible shot+Tarantino style blood squibs go off. It's awesome).

THEN PABLO ESCOBAR SHOOTS WEIRD AL DEAD.

BUT PSYCH! CAUSE CHAIN OF PLATINUM RECORDS SAVED HIS ASS. AN HOUR AND SEVENTEEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE WE BRING THE CHECKHOV'S RECORD BACK. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

And Weird Al kills Pablo Escobar by throwing a record into his head. And Madonna, being the #girlboss that she is, decides she wants to becoming the head of an international drug cartel, and wants Weird Al to help her. But he decides to go against her. Her BAD INFLUENCE no longer has a hold on his life. AND THE VOICE OVER RETURNS. Cause now "the hero has to return home before his big comeback after the Fall from Grace" needs to happen, because of course that's what you do in a music biopic. So he returns home and starts working at the factory pushing levers and buttons that we, the audience and he, Weird Al, doesn't have a clue what they do (other than maim fellow factory workers, BUT WHATEVER). The "You Don't Understand Me" Dad finds him in the Depths Of Despair. And our hero has his emotional outburst. But our Dad has turned a new leaf. In fact, he like parody songs! He even sings the oldest one we know ("Jingle Bells, Batman Smells"). Also the mom is wearing the EAT IT fat suit.

(Sidebar: I feel mixed on this fat suit, but I won't get into it right now.)

And with this shared parody ancestry, the Dad thinks it's finally time to tell Weird Al why he was against him playing the accordion in the first place.

Amish Paradise—Dad's Tragic Backstory/Footloose Reason Why Society Doesn't Allow Their Kids to Do INSERT BLANK ACTIVITY HERE. Everything that you have read up until this point, an HOUR AND TWENTY FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE, has been leading to this backstory for this song's inclusion in the movie. You're welcome. This Tragic Backstory is also animated, so thanks! Also because this is a rap/motivationally sounding song (I guess???), we see that our hero has Returned to Fight Another Day! This time with a new sound!

(Sidebar: does anyone else wonder if Coolio knew about this cameo before he died? Just asking cause Madonna apparently wasn't consulted about the role Evan Rachel Wood plays in this film according to interviews I watched after the fact).

This song is at the Not Grammy Grammys (he gets the "Perhaps Not Technically the Best at But Arguably the Most Famous Accordion Player" award over Prince. We'll need to move on from there). After being present the award by Diana Ross and Hulk Hogan, our guy wins and goes onstage to accept. Meanwhile, an assassin is seating in the front row. But wait, I thought Pablo Escobar is dead? Who is in charge of this assassin? Why, it's our girl Madonna. BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

The acceptance speech become a "Suck It Losers!" kinda speech. And here is where the A Star is Born reference with Weird Al pissing himself onstage happens. And Weird Al is assassinated. By a Madonna who is no longer in the audience, dressed in what I think is her American Life outfit.

(Sidebar: IS CYNDI LAUPUR NEXT TO DR DEMENTO IN THE AUDIENCE? CAUSE THAT'S NOT EVAN RACHEL WOOD AND WE NEEDED A FAKEOUT OF MADONNA SUPPOSEDLY SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE IN ORDER FOR HER DO THE ASSASSINATION. ANYWAY!)

And we get "What happened after the artist died/peaked" before credits rolls. Then credits with fake photos are mixed with real photos from childhood (I think those are real. If not, great touch). AND WE GET A MID CREDITS SCENE. Madonna brings flowers to Weird Al's grave (that says ATE IT 1985), but as she's leaving a zombie hand of Weird Al grabs her to drag her to hell like the end of Carrie/other horror movies. So Weird Al has been dead this entire time, and we have only been listening to a Zombie Weird Al since 1985!

Now You Know—the "Yep, this 100% happened guys. Totally!" song. Also has some great mentions about how long/repetitive the song is, who worked on the film, explicitly showing the parody songs instead of the originals used in the end credits, mentioning the "studio musician backing vocals" (who sound amazing by the way), and how the song can technically be nominated for an Oscar.

And this is why this movie is the great parody of all time.

[symphonic-scream]

So uh here's some Okujima slash Makoharu from my Chaos Arcana swap

They're were classmates back in middle school, not really friends but two quiet kids who'd spend time together. Little Makoto had the biggest baby gay crush on Haru, so she was hella awkward around her as well

In their first year both became very isolated due to Kamoshida's meddling. Haru wasn't getting close to people out of fear that he'd stay true to his word and use his info to destroy her dad's company, and everyone was avoiding Makoto to avoid similar rumours spreading about them

Makoto sees Haru as they pass in the halls over the years and. Just like with the other girls she knows Kamoshida is tricking, she wishes she could do something to put an end to it, to get rid of that hollow look in their eyes

And she does get her chance, when an odd, tall, thin boy comes to their school. People say he killed someone, that he robbed a bank, they say lots of things. But he wants to help, and is the first person to stand by her side

Now one thing about Makoto is she's smart. Very, very smart. However, all that goes down the drain when she gets all bullheaded towards what's right and makes the dumbest fucking decisions ever, throwing herself in the way of danger

Like when she hears a soft voice begging someone else to "stay away, no- no, please -" instinct takes over and she's sprinting down the halls, bursting into the PE faculty office and shoving Kamoshida into his own desk

For the first time, someone has come to Haru's aid, realized the hell she's been living in and come to smash a hole in the ceiling so she can crawl her way free. And sure, all three are going to be expelled over it, but- for the first time in years she doesn't feel like just a doll

Though. Neither Makoto or Yusuke want her to help them take him down. They're secretive about their methods, and is that a bird in Yusuke's bag?? Oh well. If they won't let her repay them then she'll follow them and force them to let her help

And so a Phantom Thief team is born. Haru- or Eros- is always super diligent about using healing spells on Makoto -Knight- just, walking up to her after a fight and laying a gentle hand on her arm or shoulder, giving her a soft little smile

And gay disaster Knight turns bright red, every time

They make a good team, even deciding to keep going after Kamoshida. There's more people they can save, more good they can bring into the world

(okay time to backtrack a little bit for a small intermission of Makoharu moments I have thought up that happen during the Kamoshida arc)

On rainy days, Makoto is often seen without her leather jacket, instead wearing a damp flannel shirt over her uniform shirt. At the same time, Haru can be found with said jacket draped over her shoulders or head, protecting her from the rain

Likewise, some days up on the roof, the two will be seen sharing a Bento. Some days Makoto would have neglected to bring lunch while avoiding her sister in the apartment, or Haru simply forgot while doing other tasks while her father was away

(anyways. Back on track. More under the break I worry about this one maybe getting too long)

Okay let's get Madarame up in this house! So this is when Futaba joins the group, and instead of being an artist, Madarame is like. A software developer or he claims to be one

Madarame Tech is unveiling a new ai help thing for their devices that they call "Wakaba". She is set to be unveiled at a local department store, and in the mean time they're showing off their new game console and PC line and shit. So like. Their mini E3 kinda

Futaba sees the gang on the subway and is caught taking photos of Haru- in reality she liked her aesthetic and was adding it to her folder of inspirations for like. Aesthetic lines for the tech shit I guess?? Idk. However she's a little shit and says she's interested in a. Different way.

This kick-starts that whole plot and starts making Makoto simmer. She doesn't want to see Haru get used again like before, so alarm bells are going off. Especially since she's accepted her feelings have resurfaced and has been trying (awkwardly) to make her move

Okay and then the "nude painting" scene. In exchange for not turning them in to the police right away for accusing Madarame, Futaba claims she wants to just. "touch some tits". Claims she wants to become a hero in her Discord server. I like to write Futaba as asexual so she's bluffing hard, thinking they won't say yes

She's mainly focused on Haru, who seems like she's going to agree in order to save the mission. And that's when Protective, Stupid Makoto steps in

Long story short Makoto and Futaba are playing "boob chicken" until Goro (bird boy) picks the lock and Madarame comes home and reveals yeah he's been using Futaba to finish her mom's programs that he killed her for haha whoops

Anyways they fall into the metaverse and they're about to see Futaba awaken as Python with her persona but first, gay

When Knight lands on the ground, Eros runs over to her. Shes been worrying the whole time, talking Yusuke's ear off about how she hopes Makoto is safe and doesn't have to actually do anything and shit- anyways she checks her over to make sure she's fine, calls her stupid for volunteering, Knight tries to defend her stupidity but oop-

Eros kisses her

...and kisses her again

Goro: are they seriously like, practically making out right now?

Yusuke: this is beautiful

Futaba: what the hell is happening

And bam they're gay from there. Makoto climbs through Haru's window some nights after sneaking out of her and Sae's apartment, ditches classes early to meet Haru at her class to go get lunch

Makoto is a little awkward always, but she's affectionate and making heart eyes always. Maybe a little handsy but she just. Shes feeling loved and loving so it can be excused. Haru also is not complaining so the only complaints are from Goro. And Futaba. And Hifumi. And Kasumi eventually.

When everyone goes to Hawaii, Makoto and Haru both volunteer to go on the trip as third years and are excited about sharing a room in Hawaii and spending time together

...yeah that doesn't happen. There's a room error and some teachers have to join student rooms and. Since Sae and Makoto are sisters. Sae joins her and Haru in their room.

So instead of a romantic getaway, Makoto has to share a hotel bed with her sister who steals the sheets and snores and keeps her up all night

But she and Haru do cuddle on the beach a bit. Throw a towel over an umbrella for a spell, allowing Makoto to catch up on her rest while holding her gf

And then of course the Sacrifice fake death bit. Emotions, angst, more kissing, classic stuff

Oh and for second semester Makoto has a whole crisis about realizing she wouldn't be able to get into college with Haru like she wanted to if she didn't clean up her act a little and starts wearing proper uniform. Her grades were still good so she has a chance

The day she gets her acceptance letter, the same day Haru gets hers, they open them together and they're so fucking excited cause they both got in, holy shit. They sign up to room together and man they're excited to share a dorm

Anyways yeah. Uhm. Them. Please ask me more about this I wanna talk more about this

[rivenroad]

10 years ago today.

Despite playing the beta and loving it, I actually didn't buy A Realm Reborn on release for a few reasons - I was just about to start my third and final year at art school, didn't have much money and my laptop at the time struggled with the game, plus I knew about the server issues going on at launch so I didn't feel too bad for missing it. I owned a PS3, but I'd heard what everyone said about it being inferior to playing on PC, so I was hesitant, but a couple of weeks later I bought it for PS3 anyway because I really wanted it. I feel like that was perhaps the first time that FFXIV helped me to cast off the influences of others and make my own decisions.

The first character I made in the game proper was a Duskwight arcanist. He doesn't exist any more, but I found screenshots of him the other week when I dug out my PS3. Back then, I was excited by the amount of options in character customisation because I hadn't played an MMO before with the level of variety that XIV had. I played around with a whole lot of different characters, most of them being on the extreme ends of things - unnatural blue and green skintones, tiny Lalafells, huge Roegadyn women who towered over everyone else. I really liked that those were options for the protagonist of a game because I hadn't played many other games where they could take a leading role. The first character I took to level 50 and spent the most time on, to start with, was one of those, but it took me much longer to realise that I was playing a character who I wanted to exist in the world, but not one that I actually connected with on a personal level.

Early on I also messed around with male Miqo'te and Midlanders, and I made a couple I really liked, but I was reluctant to actually commit to them and I think it was because I felt like I "shouldn't" - because it was predictable to be an anime catboy or a plain old human man, it was boring, those things had been done before. In a game that allowed you to be some combination of traits that was hardly ever seen in a protagonist role, why would you pick something that was basically... a trope? That's kind of how I felt, or rather, had been made to feel. I was mildly embarrassed that I wanted to be a catboy, so I resisted it for a while.

Eventually, though, I did take the plunge to make one and level him alongside a friend who had picked up the game a few months later.

That was Ayin'a. That was really where things began to change for me. I was finally playing a character who I really felt a connection with, who I felt actually represented some part of me rather than ones who I absolutely loved being part of the world, but just weren't really "me". I started to write, to roleplay, to create, to form connections with people with him as my avatar. I was enjoying myself and I was inspired in a way I hadn't really felt... probably since I was a child, because I was doing things from the heart, rather than trying to follow an idea of what I thought I should be doing.

A lot has happened since then and it's way too much to go into here, but this for me was a huge turning point that provided me with inspiration and passion to hold on to in some very, very bleak times in my life. And from there, more came - with a better understanding of what I found interesting, what I liked in a character, what I was interested in exploring and writing... My identity began to solidify thanks to this process. After a long, long long and dreadful slump I started to make art again because of FFXIV. And now, I'm fortunate enough to be in a position where I can call making art my career, where I can look forward to what the future may hold for me as an artist, because of the experiences I've had with this game.

Incidentally, Ayin'a himself is now retired as of Endwalker, both in and out of character. For as much as he means to me, he was never intended to be "the" Warrior of Light, and as soon as I was able to make a character who suited that role (it only took 6+ years...), I started winding down his role as my "main" in a gameplay sense, because at last I had character who belonged in those MSQ cutscenes rather than having to feel mild uncomfortable as I watched them feature a character who would absolutely not be in that role.

Plus, when it comes to his own story, he's had enough too - he made a bunch of money, got married, settled down in his beachside house with a bunch of odd pets and his husband to be a reclusive and grumpy yet altruistic neighbour. He's still around, and always will be, both in FFXIV and in other worlds I choose to transport him too, but for now that chapter is over. I'll always have a soft spot for him and how he was the start of my journey to understand myself and find my place in the world, just as I'll always be grateful for all the many, many ways in which FFXIV changed the course of my life.

I'm looking forward to the next ten years, and there were times in the not so distant past when I had no hope that I'd ever say such a thing truthfully.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

I remember you saying once that you didn’t feel (paraphrasing) that your art schooling experience was very fulfilling, and I believe you used the word slapdash 🥺

Can you tell us about your artistic journey following that period? How did you get from unknowing to growing?

Ok, so first apologies because this is a long one.

After college I was so focused on surviving that I didn't really have the time, space, or money to focus on making art for a long time. A few months after school ended I was homeless and couchsurfing to avoid living in my car. Over the next 5 years or so I bounced around a lot. Moved across the country and back, ended up homeless again, worked three jobs at the same time to afford a place to live. In this period, the only really meaningful art that I made were a couple of commissions to paint garden sculptures for my friend's mom. Example:

Anyway, then moved to my current place almost 7 years ago. Still mostly didn't feel like I had the time, space, funds, or fucks to give to do art. Once I got the apartment to myself a couple of years later, I started to feel like I could breathe a little easier and started doing small creative projects like trying out tie-dyeing for the first time. It wasn't until after Covid hit (and I got it bad enough that I truly thought I might die alone in my apartment) and then I left my job that I really started painting for myself again. Once stores opened back up, I bought a bunch of cheap canvases and paints. I've never actually taken a class on acrylic painting (there was never one available during my school time) but it's the medium that works for me most often.

I did a couple of random projects when the mood struck and I had the spoons, the Camp Fuck You I'm a Wizard painting being the biggest example. But rarely worked on a single project for longer than a day or two before losing steam.

Meeting D was a creative catalyst for me. For the first time in over a decade I felt Good, I felt Inspired, because I felt Wanted. I jokingly (or not so jokingly) referred to him as my muse, because his enthusiasm and encouragement made it so easy to fall into more projects and try new things in my art and feel great about all of it. I created more pieces, and importantly more pieces that I was actually proud of, after meeting D than I have in the entire rest of my life combined.

But obviously that didn't work out. He's still an encouraging presence from time to time, but it's not the same. It's getting harder and harder to want to create, to feel inspired lately. I felt good about my last project, but it was a commission and that's probably the only reason I finished it. Most of the dregs of my creative energy currently go into making OF content to keep that small trickle of income coming in. If I weren't getting paid I probably wouldn't have the drive to do that any more either. Turns out intense, soul-sucking loneliness isn't good for the ol' creative flow. I don't know if I'm growing any more.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #306: Galatea

today on Fate and Phantasms we’re carving up a new servant for y’all, it’s the great Galatea! this work of art is a Swords Bard to wield a giant chisel with pinpoint precision, as well as a Psi Warrior Fighter for extra techno weaponry!

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: peace!

Race and Background

it’s a shame that they haven’t made the Warforged constructs yet, but they’re still a better fit than autognomes. still, as a robot forged for war you get +2 Constitution, +1 Charisma, a Constructed Resilience that protects you from poison and makes sure you don’t need to eat, breathe, or sleep, and you’re immune to disease. instead of sleeping you take a Sentry’s Rest, spending six hours motionless but conscious. you also have some Integrated Protection, so any armor you wear gets a permanent +1 bonus to AC, and it can’t be removed against your will. it’s kind of up in the air whether or not you even wear armor, but I’ll leave that to your discretion.

since you were made by an artist and a god, your Specialized Design gives you proficiency in Religion checks as well as with Mason’s Tools, since they’re the closest thing we have to sculptor’s tools.

Galatea’s technically a queen, so she’s a Noble. that gives her proficiency with History and Persuasion!

Ability Scores

depending on how you categorize her, Galatea’s power either comes from within herself, from being a work of art, or from a deal made with a powerful being. thankfully, all three of those options are Charisma casters, so make that the highest score! after that is Strength, that chisel isn’t a light weapon, and you really drive it into people. third up is Dexterity, since that’s usually how AC is calculated, and you have literal chiseled abs. that means your Constitution isn’t as high as I’d like, but it’s still above average, and it gets better as a Warforged anyway. your Intelligence is pretty low- you never went to school, because you were born as a fully-grown adult. I hope. finally, dump Wisdom. you were made by a berserker, you are a berserker, and you’re powered by one of the least consistent gods in ancient greece. it’s not looking good for your sanity.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: we’re mostly starting off as a fighter for that heavy armor proficiency, but you also get good with Strength and Constitution saves, as well as Insight and Perception to see better targets to sculpt, so it’s not too bad. you’ll also start off with the Unarmed Fighting Style, so your fists do 1d8 damage per hit or 1d6 while holding something, just like ascension 1.

finally, your Second Wind gives you a chance to put yourself back together as a bonus action for a little healing.

2. Bard 1: now that your shell is ready to go, let’s fill it. moving over to bard gives you proficiency with any one skill of your choice, so let’s grab Performance. I doubt that’s how sculpting works, but you never know- better safe than sorry.

on top of that, you gain some Bardic Inspiration- proficiency times per day you can spend a bonus action to give an ally a d6 they can use on any attack roll, save, or check happening in the next couple of minutes. you can only give one of those out at a time, but in the meantime you’ll have plenty of Spells to busy yourself with, which you cast using your Charisma.

Blade Ward makes you resistant to physical attacks for a turn, while Mending might be able to piece yourself back together. that doesn’t work rules as written though, so also grab Cure Wounds.

Your jetpack is not fully operational yet, but it can help you Feather Fall as a reaction to prevent falling damage for you and some friends, who are obviously just holding onto you. Use your Fairy Fire as a makeshift Reckless Attack, and also grab Heroism for more defense, giving you or an ally temporary HP each turn as well as immunity to being frightened.

3. Bard 2: A second-level bard is a Jack of All Trades, allowing you to add half your proficiency bonus to all checks you aren’t proficient in. This includes your initiative checks, so from now on you’ll be slightly more likely to go first every time, just like in FGO!

You can also sculpt a… Statue? of Rest each short rest, granting your allies an extra die of healing when they use hit dice. Just go with it.

Finally, your ranged armaments are beginning to come online, starting with Thunderwave, which deals a cone of thunder damage and pushes creatures back if they fail a Constitution save.

4. Bard 3: Starting at the third level of bard, your College of Swords allows you to turn your inspiration dice into Blade Flourishes once per turn, though your movement speed always increases by 10 feet each attack action. Each time you expend a die, you can choose one of three options. A Defensive Flourish deals extra damage based on the size of your inspiration die, as well as adding that roll to your AC. This is the most in-character option. That being said, you can also choose between a Slashing Flourish or a Mobile Flourish. The former deals extra damage to any creatures you choose within 5 feet of you; while the latter pushes the target backwards and deals extra damage, and afterwards you can react to move closer to them.

Another important bonus to not is your new Two-Weapon Fighting Style, allowing you to ascend and use a hammer and chisel at the same time! Currently those would have to be a light hammer and a dagger, so sticking to one weapon might be the better option. Still, at least you can use your weapons as spellcasting focuses.

You also gain second level spells now, and while we’re still not lifting off your Kinetic Jaunt lets you speed around enemies with ease, increasing your movement speed, preventing opportunity attacks, and allowing you to move through creatures’ spaces.

Finally, you gain Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus with Mason’s Tools and Perception, allowing you greater skill to capture your muses in marble.

5. Bard 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bring up your Strength to more reasonable levels, considering we’re relying on it so much. The good news is if you’re using heavy armor you will now be able to pick up the more reliable splint or plate mail options.

This level, you can now Message other members of Chaldea, and you can Shatter your foes with missile fire- ironically, this has advantage against inorganic creatures.

6. Bard 5: At level 5, your Bardic Inspiration dice grow to d8s, and you become a Font of Inspiration. This means you regain spent inspiration dice on short rests and long ones!

You also gain a third level spell, like Nondetection. Sadly, we cannot get Nystul’s Magic Aura to completely rewrite your creature type, but we can at least make it so you don’t show up when someone searches for humanoids.

7. Bard 6: Sixth level swords bards can make an Extra Attack each action, as well as gaining a Countercharm, giving nearby allies advantage on saves against being charmed or frightened that round.

You’re already a light sleeper, so taking a Catnap just makes sense, allowing you and three other creatures to take a short rest over the course of ten minutes.

8. Bard 7: Seventh level bards get fourth level spells like Raulothim’s Psychic Lance. With this, you can launch a seeking missile at a creature within 120 feet of you. If they fail their Intelligence save, they’ll take psychic damage and become incapacitated for a round.

9. Bard 8: Use this ASI to pick up the Dual Wielder feat. With this, you get an AC boost while dual-wielding, and you can dual-wield non-light weapons as well, giving us our final form… of your second ascension. Use a warhammer for your hammer, and a spear for your chisel.

Speaking of chiseling, you can now use Polymorph to sculpt a new form for an enemy or friend! …I admit some of these spells have been stretches of the imagination, but we were only ever really here for fifth level spells.

10 Bard 9: At ninth level your song of rest grows more powerful, and you can finally sculpt creatures so lifelike they can actually come to life, at least temporarily. With Animate Objects, you can bring up to eight of your creations to life, depending on their size, and have them swarm your foes on your behalf!

11. Bard 10: Our final level of bard is still quite useful for us, granting you the Light cantrip for dramatic weaponry, as well as Expertise in Insight and Performance.

Your magic also grows stronger, with larger inspiration dice and Magical Secrets- two spells you can pick up from any spell list. If you need mobility, Fly does exactly what you expect, granting you a flying speed as long as you maintain concentration. If you need to sink like a stone, Stoneskin will toughen up your spirit origin for resistance against nonmagical physical attacks.

12. fighter 2: at second level fighters can make an action surge once a short rest, giving you another action to do whatever you want! you can’t use your flourishes twice a turn, but attacking twice can still speed you up!

13. fighter 3: at third level you become a psi warrior which, if you remember from summer okita’s build, stands for… “pjetpack something inyourback”. anyway, your psionic power gives you a bunch psi dice, the total number is equal to twice your proficiency bonus. they’re d6s now, and they grow as you level up. you get them all back each long rest, but you can also spend a bonus action to get one back once per short rest.

right now you can use them in three ways- you can make a protective field to reduce incoming damage for yourself or a friend, you can make a psionic strike to deal extra damage, or you can use telekinetic movement to move a large or smaller object around. you can do that last one for free once a short rest, or by psending a die.

14. fighter 4: use this asi to round up your dexterity when you take the piercer feat! now you can re-roll one of the damage dice from your chisel once per turn, and your critical hits deal extra damage!

15. fighter 5: fifth level fighters get nothing! at least they do if you already have an extra attack, and you do!

16. fighter 6: at sixth level you get another asi, so bump up that strength for more hittin!

17. fighter 7: a seventh level psi guy is a telekinetic adept, letting you make a psi-powered leap once per short rest, giving you a flying speed that’s double your walking speed for a turn as a bonus action. i know u already got the fly spell, but sometimes you don’t gotta break out the big guns right away, y’know?

you can also use a telekinetic thrust as part of your psionic strikes, forcing the guy u hit to make a strength save or get pushed around or knocked prone. it’s intelligence based so it’s not great, but it’s free.

18. fighter 8: use your last asi to get tough! ur made outta rock, you’re gonna have a ton o hp. 36 extra hp now, and another 2 hp every time u level up!

19. fighter 9: as a ninth level fighter you’re indomitable, letting you re-roll a failed save once a day. save it for the stuff you’re good at, you’re probably not gonna wiggle out of that charm effect. unless…

20. fighter 10: as a tenth level psiguy you have a guarded mind, giving you resistance to psychic damage! you can also spend a psidie at the start of your turn to automatically end anything charming or frightening you! yay!

Pros and Cons

Pros:

one of Galatea’s biggest strengths is her Mobility, with the ability to gain some ridiculous bursts of speed to position herself where she’s most needed. combine her kinetic jaunt and a psi-powered leap and you have someone who can fly through enemies and either use her action to dash (for more speed) or attack (also for more speed), all without having to worry about reprisal.

even when she’s grounded, Galatea can have some serious Toughness to keep her in the fight, with almost 200 HP, the ability to bump her AC up to 30, and some spells that grant her resistance against most creatures’ physical attacks. all on top of the whole flying around thing. she’s also got all those psi shields to bolster her already pretty decent HP total, as well as some healing.

and if she wasn’t a pain to kill already, she’s also status resistant, with resistance to being poisoned, effective immunity to charming and frightening effects, an inability to fall asleep, and a decent constitution save to prevent stuff like being stunned and paralyzed, finding any crack in her plaster is hard to do.

Cons:

that is if you’re playing with plate mail. if you want to go the unarmored route she’s got a lot lower AC to work with, so you’ll be getting hit a lot more if you’re not playing keepaway.

while Galatea’s dual wielding helps a little with boosting her AC, it’s easily the weakest part of the build. her bonus action is already taken up by so many other things, and we basically wasted an ASI just to be able to do this. if I can give any advice, please just ignore the second ascension.

we had to fix Galatea’s strength up a lot this build, so we didn’t really touch her soft stats that often. not being smart hurts against illithid, but otherwise it’s whatever. the real pain here is your low charisma, reducing how often you can use flourishes and weakening your spells, and especially your low wisdom. remember, you’re not mind-control-proof until level 20, so it’s really easy for an enemy to turn your semi-invincible ass to the side of evil. still, villains are a lot more aesthetically pleasing…

[alma-amentet]

I’ve been tagged by @katastronoot @sheirukitriesfandom and @dirty-bosmer (thank you all! 💖) 

This was sitting in my drafts for a while, just forgot to post...

Not tagging anyone ‘cause idk who hasn’t done it yes... Feel free to take if you feel like!

1. are you named after anyone?

Grandma originally named me after her little sister who died in early childhood. She was babysitting and blamed herself for that accident.

But that was too dull, widespread, and didn’t felt mine, so my nomatophobia started progressing. Finally I renamed myself after Fairytopia Barbie. Best friend started calling me Elina in 2008, when I was pretty much into Barbie movies fandom. It stuck, I started telling everyone it was my actual name, even at work. Then finally changed it legally and never regretted. 

Barbie movies is everything, yeah.

2. when was the last time you cried?

One weekend ago.

3. do you have kids?

Nope, and it’s most probable I won’t. Already in my 30s, didn’t start wanting/regretting yet. I like kids, kids are like flowers, but let them bloom in someone else’s garden. 

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not really. Being neurodivergent, I have troubles with a sense of humour in general. Many things feel more offensive than funny to me, and if I try it myself, it might be rather insulting than funny... So only with closer friends, I guess.

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

Drinking games, lol.

Not a fan of sports and competitions. I prefer fitness\wellness, where you don’t have to compete or show off. Never liked team games as well. As a kid, I enjoyed tennis or badminton a bit, but again, just for fun.

I do yoga a bit, would like to excercise more though.

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

Style, clothing, hair, accessories. Whether they have some fandom\music\etc merch on. This way I might identify them as the ones like me, the ones worth talking to - at first sight.

I can be generally cautious, even hostile, about people, esp males and elders. And in general, I prefer meeting people online or in some safe spaces / meetups where everyone shares some interests/hobbies/fandoms. It’s easier for me.  

7. eye color?

blue gray. and I do wear color lenses - need them to see things anyway, so why not have fun with colors? Last year I had red ones and wore them casually.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

Happy and clever endings that give you food for thought and make you feel feelings - I’ve been a long time Pixar fan, you know.

There was time I’ve been into mystic horrors, some years ago, but now I’m old and tired even for them. LIfe is a dystopia by itself, I need more kind stuff.

(don’t watch movies much these days, I prefer games).

9. any special talents?

Some say I am outstanding and bold,and that I have great creative potential, and that I inspire some people just by being myself... IDK.

10. where were you born?

a city in the mountains

11. what are your hobbies?

I’m a a self-taught seamstress, I’ve been sewing most of my life (because I always loved creating things myself & from my very childhood wanted some unusual clothes that couldn’t be purchased in regular stores). At times, I took comissions, then were 5 years of cosplaying.

I’m into corsetry (waist-training and making corsets myself).

And drawing, of course.

12. do you have any pets?

Nope. Used to have an aquarium in the past.

13. how tall are you?

5’7″ (170 cm) 

14. fave subject in school?

Biology (just in elem and mid, then it became too complex), english. 

I was also one of the best in literature, but I didn’t like it at all. Just figured out how to get exc grades and did it for the sake of being praised. 

15. dream job?

Illustrator, artist.  

[howdoyoufeelaboutmakingthesong]

How Lauren Martin Sees Music

Visual Thinking with Lauren Martin

From painting to singing to illustration to textiles to keyboards, and on!

Today we will take a closer look at a *key* member of Frankie Cosmos, Lauren Martin. That's right, she started out designing our t-shirts, and ended up as a bandmate playing keyboards, singing harmonies, and even some 2nd guitar!

Lauren and I originally met in MIDDLE SCHOOL when Lauren formed a band with my brother! I inserted myself into their friendship as annoying little sisters tend to do, and eventually she and I started playing music together too. We had a band which performed one "show" in Eliza's backyard for 3 of our friends, but we were both very shy performers.

Lauren ended up pursuing textile design, and was the obvious choice when it came to designing and printing the first ever Frankie Cosmos merch. She screen printed everything by hand in my parents kitchen, and we laid all the shirts out to dry on the ground (as pictured above). She filled in for some shows sporadically while in college, and when she finished school in 2016, she officially joined the touring band as our keyboard player.

[Close It Quietly Album Art Time Lapse]

Lauren continues to design merch for FC, and has found her own audience for her illustrations and design work. She sells her own prints, apparel, and more on her website, and posts lots of fun drawings on her instagram.

Q & A with Lauren Martin

How did you first find yourself playing music and performing?

I never intended to perform but always found myself performing anyway - usually because I’d be playing music with other people and they would encourage me (/drag me along) for the live element. I have really bad stage fright, performance goes against my nature. But because I keep ending up doing it, it’s clearly something that’s important to me in some way…even though it feels in conflict with who I am.

My first instrument was flute in elementary school. But my first ever musical performance was a cello recital in middle school (to an audience of parents). After that I was in my high school’s all girl rock band. I played rhythm guitar. I remember we played One Way Or Another by Blondie. I was also in the school chorus, we would perform for elderly people at retirement homes. I performed a surprising amount considering how shy I was.

During the pandemic, your illustration work really took off. With visual art being full time for you now, and touring still on hold, does playing music feel different for you?

I think having one part of myself that was really important (being a visual artist) — having that dream fulfilled in a way, makes playing music feel better. It feels like I’m not missing out on one half of myself energetically. Finding an outlet that allows me to be more wholly myself, it makes me feel more creative as a musician than I did before.  After years of having a very regimented relationship with visual art during and after art school, during the pandemic I’ve unlocked a new side of myself creatively, and established my own style as a visual artist, and a musician. Recently I’ve felt a lot more confident in sharing my musical ideas.

You're a huge part of the aesthetic of Frankie Cosmos as a grown-up band, and took FC from my janky AppleWorks 6 creations to the legitimate poster designs, cute merch, and album art we have now. Has music always encompassed a visual element for you?

I have always been inspired by album art, and intrigued by the branding that goes along with a band. Not to say that it informs anything about the music - but I do think there’s a visual element of a band that has always been intriguing to me on the same level as sneaker logos or car logos. I like simplicity and impactfulness in graphic design. And I think music and design overlap a lot. I would never claim to have synesthesia, but I do think if you asked me to paint a song I could do that. Not being a trained musician and not having the standard language to describe what I mean when it comes to music, allowed me to create my own visual language about music.

I’m realizing now, the bands that were really influential to me as a kid, like the first albums I bought, were Gorillaz, who were cartoon characters to me, and The White Stripes, who were also cartoon characters to me.

Before you got into textile design and graphics, you were mostly painting in a renaissance style, and at one point considered studying painting restoration. How did you find your various styles over the years and how have your artistic inclinations changed?

In a weird way, I would say my artistic inclinations haven’t changed that much, it’s more just the subject matter and the medium have changed a lot. I’ve always loved depicting reality as I see it. My portraits were never “accurate” to life, they were accurate to my imagination. And now, I’ll draw a still life of something I made up. I like creating my own reality. Growing up, I was really inspired by old paintings because I would go to The Met every weekend, and I loved seeing the Hans Holbein paintings and Giotto, because I just loved that it looked like a fucked up version of reality. It’s not photorealism, it looks like what you would close your eyes and picture a person to look like. I love the way art can look like a painting of the inside of an artist’s brain.

[Banana Split Poster]

Can you compare your experiences in analog and digital art?

I love both, but I tend to gravitate toward digital mediums. As a perfectionist, I love the idea of being able to do things over and over in order to get it exactly how I want. I used to work in oil paints but I would get really frustrated with myself when it wasn’t going right, because I felt I couldn’t start over. It would probably be good for me to try it again, because I don’t necessarily want to lean into my perfectionism forever. But it was really freeing for me to start working digitally, because I can do it an infinite number of times, I can get it exactly the way I see it in my head. Also, in terms of material used…when I was making physical art, I was surrounded by so many canvases and pieces of paper…I really like sparseness and neatness in my space, so having everything I’ve ever made in a pile doesn’t work for me.

What about your sewing and physical textile work? How does that compare to your other art forms?

Music and drawing feel in a way like luxuries, whereas sewing my clothes (and cooking) feel like practical ways to use my creativity.  Those are more purely joyous outlets for me. My art is work, music is work, but sewing and knitting is truly just for myself. I don’t do it as much as I used to, but I always like to have a chunk of my wardrobe be handmade. I get to turn my brain off and just follow a pattern, do this repetitive motion.

What inspires you recently?

I’m inspired right now by exercising. My latest hobby is playing tennis. Growing up, sports were extremely important to me, I wanted to be a professional soccer player. At a certain point I felt like I had to choose between being creative or athletic. I’m recently getting excited about being physically strong again.

[Love Love Tennis Club T-Shirt]

[Stay Sunny Tie-Dye T-Shirt]

Click Here for Lauren’s Website

[lochrannn]

Maybe how to stick to finishing your wip? Setting up fic goals? I have a tendency to abandon my wips for stupid reasons, start something new and so on and I hate it.

Mmmhh, I think this one is hard to answer, cause I really am not usually the type of person who even starts a job, let alone finishes it. Many of my irl friends would point to me as the person they know who procrastinates the hardest on basically anything.

But I think I've worked out why, I personally, stick with writing fic and usually don't abandon anything and write it within a relatively short amount of time.

I have a philosophy degree.

And though I loved studying philosophy, writing fucking essays and term papers was just genuinely the hardest mental work I've ever needed to do. Cause, yeah, sure you can research shit and bring together a lot of existing theories and ideas. But, anon, I tell you, I was actually quite good and suddenly had some ambition about a thing when I was at college (after spending all of my high school years coasting on the privilege of being okay smart and having highly educated parents), which meant I couldn't just phone it in, or didn't even just want to do a decent job, I wanted to write something good.

And fuck that was hard. I spent months tinkering with a paper, having found a subject I found interesting and trying to work out what my angle is, what my unique contribution could be. That basically meant staring at a flickering curser for hours and hours and hours and "thinking" (read panicking).

But somehow I managed to get a decent degree, said thanks no thanks to the offer of doing a phd and got the hell out of college to go do other stuff for a while and then finally trained in a very solid job that allows me to do relatively challanging work with cool people, but I never really have to produce anything or come up with major ideas on my own and that suits me just fine.

However, I accidently stumbled on writing fic as a thing that I enjoy creating/producing, and because we all basically know how a narrative works, most of the points beats along the way are easily set (I don't usually deliberately lift those whole-sale from a different narrative, except for my pride and prejudice and sense and sensibility inspired aus) but I don't kid myself into believing that my fic is in anyway particularly original.

So yeah, I just know which beats I want to hit and then I write what needs to happen to get there. Occasionally that's just pretty straight forward, not too flashy that I can't actually commit to it, but just well enough that, at least that's how it seems to me, the story flows and my "style" or "voice" kind of fades into the background. And then occasionally I come up with something that really makes me quite happy and I personally find rather artistic (like in the fic I posted yesterday, there was a bit that made me feel things). And then it's a bit more challanging but effectively as satisfying as painting by numbers.

So it doesn't scare me to have a story that I "need" to finish, cause I know I can and I know I will. I also have spent years and decades finding cool fics that got abandonned halfway through and hoping for years that they might get updated, so, maybe a little bit of guilt is also spurring me along.

Oh, and honestly, find yourself someone to commit to. Tell someone about your wips (unless of course this puts uncomfortable amounts of pressure on you) and then finish it for them. I talk to @pepperf about most of the stories I plan (unless I want them to be a surprise for her as well), even though she's much nicer than me and doesn't bully me into continue writing and if I abandonned somehting would never say anything. And I made a wip post that I feel I've committed to, because some of them are prompts and just generally I fear I could disappoint some anonymous reader of mine.

I guess, mostly if you want a tip, don't put yourself under too much pressure, but put yourself under a little pressure. Find yourself a hype person, or be your own hype person and feel excited about your stories.

I am, as some anon shokedly realised a few months back, probably a decade or so older than the majority of the people who frequent this website (I've been here for twelve years, I have squatter's rights) so through a mixture of always having a mildly inflated ego and age, I think I have a decent amount of confidence. And I have confidence in my stories. Yeah, I can easily tell how they compare to better writers, but I also think they are perfectly adequate and entertaining and they're the sort of thing I would want to read.

So, yeah, put a little bit but not too much pressure on yourself, and indulge yourself. It's supposed to be a hobby.

(oh, also, I only ever start writing when I'm relatively sure I've actually got enough of an idea to finish it. Everything else is not an abandonned wip, it's a wonderful day dream <3)

[sheepisreading]

Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.