#anyways i know anon is off but if you wanna ask me questions about dr welllll *twirls hair*

[stardoopy]

it feels like everything is somehow related to danganronpa these past few weeks

[acaiasahi]

jAYDI !! hiiii so i saw you talking about shifting with that anon (hi anon! lol) and i'm so interested !!! i tried shifting a few times a while ago and then kinda forgot about it but seeing you talk about it sparked my interest again! could i maybe ask for some tips or resources for beginners? i can't really remember what i used to do and i never know what's legit on the internet LOL anyways tHATS SO COOL THAT YOU DO LIKE KPOP SHIFTING idk what to call it bUT I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT AND ITS GENIUS AND I WANNA TRY KFKJSD

NON-SHIFTERS DNI!

SHIFTING BASICS. SUBLIMINALS. GUIDED MEDITATIONS.

hi moon! <3 sorry for the long wait BUT i'm glad to hear that you're getting back into shifting! :3 just for reference, dr = desired reality, cr = current reality.

i'd start off with where you want to shift. there's no limit to your imagination when it comes to shifting, please rmr that! you can go anywhere and if you need some inspo, here are some places i'm gonna shift to: marvel universe (mcu), my own kpop reality (from scratch), hogwarts (harry potter), criminal minds, those are just to name a few.

i would say that starting with creating a script helps the most when getting into shifting. a script is basically who you are, your personality, likes/dislikes, how you visually look (also known as face claims), your relationships, your skills, etc. you can make it as simple or detailed as possible, it's totally up to you! personally, i like to have a detailed script bc it helps remind me off all things that i want to happen within my reality. if you're interested, i'll link tutorials!

shifting subliminals and guided meditations can definitely help you as well. tbh, they're my bffs but they're not mandatory to shift, they're simply there to help you if you need it! i like to watch two specific youtubers, slade. and alunir subliminals! they both have multiple methods to help guide you to your desired reality. the most common method i see within the community is the "raven method". it's fairly simple, you lay on your back like a starfish (no limbs touching one another), and you count up to 100 whilst saying "i am shifting" between each number (for ex: 1, i am shifting. 2, i am shifting. 3, i am shifting, etc.)

lastly, do not lose confidence. you are more than capable when it comes to shifting and just because you don't succeed a couple times doesn't mean you can't shift, anyone is capable of shifting! most of the time, i like to journal all my feelings before shifting so i have a clear mind. you can do it, i believe in you! <3 also, if you use subliminals, make sure to drink lots of water throughout and if you get a headache, please stop listening and take a break. lmk if you have any more questions :3 good luck + safe travels!

[mandelene]

✈️

I went off on this one, lol. I decided to incorporate the request an anon made a while back asking me to write about Alfred developing epilepsy in high school so here it is, and I hope it's okay!

Just Another Midday Emergency

Word Count: 1580

Arthur can count on one hand the number of times Francis has called him in the middle of one of his shifts at the hospital, and they have always been for emergency reasons, so when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket as he’s finishing up changing a dressing for a post-surgical wound, his throat tightens and his feet go cold.

He steps out through the double doors of the unit to the waiting room, braces himself by taking a deep breath, and picks up the call. “Hello? Francis?”

“Alfred’s not well and is being taken to the hospital. He collapsed in class and had a seizure.”

The information reaches his brain, but he fails to process it for several seconds. Panic washes over him, but he quickly shakes it off. He has to stay calm and focus for Alfred’s sake. “A seizure? What kind of seizure? Was he awake and aware or confused? Did he have motor symptoms?”

“I don’t know. You know you’re asking the wrong person. The teacher described it as him having spasms, and Alfred didn’t seem to recall exactly what had happened after it was over. He also hit his head on one of the other desks in the classroom.”

“Okay, so he wasn’t aware, and he did have motor symptoms, then,” Arthur confirms, running a nervous hand through his hair. What could have triggered a sudden seizure? Alfred’s never had a seizure before… “Where is he now? The high school called an ambulance, I presume?”

“Yes, he’s in the ambulance. I asked them if they could tell the paramedics to bring him to your hospital. I didn’t even have a chance to see him, but I called him and he was very shaken over the phone. I’m leaving the house now.”

“Good. You did wonderfully, Francis, thank you. I’ll tend to him. Try to remain calm, all right?”

“You as well.”

“Be careful on your way here. See you soon.”

He hangs up, finds someone to cover for him temporarily, and heads for the emergency department. His timing is impeccable today and the universe seems to be working in his favor because Alfred is just being brought in on a stretcher when he reaches the nurses’ station. He’s about to greet Alfred and ask the EMT and paramedic tending to him about his status, but just as he reaches Alfred’s side, the boy has a staring spell, and Arthur can tell he’s no longer alert.

And then, he begins to seize again, arms and legs jerking erratically on the stretcher. Arthur rolls Alfred’s head to the side and holds it still with both hands so he doesn’t aspirate or hurt himself against the side rails of the stretcher, heart pounding.

“Do you want me to give him—?” the paramedic begins to ask, but Arthur shakes his head.

“Wait a moment,” he says, glancing at his watch to track the time.

And then, as suddenly as it started, Alfred abruptly stills once more.

“About thirty seconds,” Arthur reports, a bit relieved. At least the seizures are relatively short, and he’s not in status epilepticus. It could be worse.

He removes his hands from Alfred’s head and brushes his hair away from his eyes. “Alfred?”

“Mrghh…Dad…” Alfred mumbles, looking exhausted.

“I’m here, love. We’re going to take good care of you, all right? Can you hear me?”

Alfred groans quietly and reaches out an arm toward him, so Arthur leans over and embraces him carefully, giving him a gentle hug.

“...Dad…”

“I know, darling. You’re probably very startled,” Arthur says before he notices a nurse standing behind him and steps aside for a moment to let her properly triage him. When that’s all done, and the nurse assigned to his care arrives, Arthur helps her move him to a room. He’s pleased to find out that Dr. Gilbert Beilschmidt will be the pediatrician checking on him. Gilbert is good. He’ll do what Arthur asks him to do.

And apparently, he wastes no time in coming in to assess Alfred right away.

“Oh, kiddo. What happened to you, huh?” Gilbert says by way of greeting. He gives Arthur a nod of acknowledgment and asks, “Why is it always your kids, Kirkland? Something's always going on with them, it seems like.”

“They like to keep me on my toes,” Arthur replies, staying glued to Alfred’s bedside. He can’t imagine how frightening this must all be for him.

“The nurse gave me a rundown, but can you tell me what happened in your own words, Alfred? I wanna hear it from you.”

Alfred nods, which then triggers him to wince. He has a welt on the left side of his forehead from when he collapsed. “I was in history class and I dunno…It’s a blur. I remember hitting my head on the desk across from me and then my teacher standing over me. And then they called an ambulance.”

“And you’ve never had a seizure before, right?” Gilbert asks, examining Alfred’s forehead before pulling out a penlight and shining it into his eyes.

“No.”

“Okay, look at the light for me, kiddo…I’m gonna put a finger up and I want you to follow it with your eyes, ‘kay…? That’s it…Good. Now, I’m gonna ask you some more questions, and I need you to be a hundred percent honest with me ‘cause I won’t be able to get you the help you need if you don’t tell me the truth. You want me to kick your dad out for this part?”

Alfred seems a little panicked at the idea of Arthur having to leave his side. “No! I mean…He can stay if that’s okay.”

Gilbert gives him a knowing smile and nods. “No problem. So, have you been trying any substances at school? Maybe there’s something your friends have been taking and you wanted to experiment with it? Anything like that at all?”

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I swear.”

“How about any recent falls or injuries? Did you get in an accident somewhere and hit your head, and maybe you didn’t wanna tell your parents about it ‘cause you were afraid they’d worry?”

“No. Just today when I fell out of my desk in class.”

“Okay, kiddo...Let’s get you some bloodwork and a CT scan to make sure you didn’t seriously hurt your head and to rule out any masses. Then, we’ve gotta get neuro in here to have a look at you. They’re gonna want an electroencephalogram at the very least.”

Alfred furrows his brows. “Electroencepha—what?”

“It’s a test where they’re gonna attach little electrodes to your scalp and check your brain activity for any abnormalities. It takes like an hour or two, and it doesn’t hurt—I promise,” Gilbert explains, giving Alfred’s knee a comforting pat. “Odds are we’re not gonna be able to find out exactly what’s wrong with you or give you a clear answer. You might never have a seizure again, or you might be developing epilepsy—it can happen at any age and sometimes we don’t know why it happens suddenly, it just does. If everything checks out and we don’t find anything serious, we’ll send you home with some anticonvulsant medication to take and have you follow up with a neurologist.”

“…Okay.”

“All right, kiddo. I’ll be back to check on you later. Don’t stress. Your dad’s gonna keep an eye on you for me,” Gilbert says. Then, he turns to Arthur and adds, “I’ll let you know as soon as I know more. I’m betting on epilepsy onset though based on what he’s told me. Don’t freak out, even though I know you will anyway.”

Arthur nods, bids Gilbert farewell for now, and sits down on the edge of Alfred’s stretcher with a sigh. “It’ll be all right, love. Whatever happens, we’ll take care of it,” he assures before placing a concerned kiss on Alfred’s brow. “Also, just a word of warning, your papa is going to be here any moment and will likely be in a panicked frenzy.”

Alfred musters a laugh. “Yeah, he always does that.”

“It’s because we both love you and worry about you.”

“I know. Thanks, Dad…Is it okay to be kinda scared?”

“Of course, it is. Anyone in your situation would be. But the good news is that there’s a very strong chance you’ll feel better with some medication and that there are ways to manage this.”

And then, Francis arrives, pale and trembling. Arthur does his best to explain the situation to him and set his mind at ease, but he might as well not have bothered because Francis runs over to Alfred’s side and starts fussing over him to no end anyway. He strokes his head, tucks him in snugly with the thin hospital blanket that’s covering him, and smothers him in a series of hugs.

Gilbert’s predictions turn out to be mostly accurate. The CT scan comes back fine, and the electroencephalogram confirms a change in brain waves, suggesting epilepsy. Neurology decides to put Alfred through an MRI as well, but as suspected, they’re unable to find a concrete reason for the seizures, which is actually positive news in Arthur’s opinion. At least this means Alfred doesn’t have any tumors or cysts causing the issue and no other physiological abnormalities.

He’s still going to watch him like a hawk from now on though and make sure he stays on top of taking his new medication.

Gilbert was right. Why is it always his kids?

[quinintheclouds]

Hey, I just read your post on ADHD/EFDD and was just wondering if you have read any research articles on this and if you have, could you tell me which ones because it all sounds super interesting and I need to choose a topic for my psych lit review and I’m thinking about doing something to do with all the stigma around and misconceptions about different mental health disorders.. it’s totally okay if not tho, I know it’s a big ask, but thanks anyway

That sounds like such a great topic!!! I would be HONORED to help :D 

The first person I think of when discussing the term EFDD is Dr. Russell Barkley. He’s one of the leading ADHD experts, and has been a spearhead for studying executive dysfunction in people with ADHD for decades. Very much ahead of his time compared to the DSM. I’ve had his book “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD” recommended to me so many times, but have yet to read it.

Here’s some free stuff, though! 

[reblogs appreciated because Tumblr hates posts with links and I wanna make sure this anon sees it!]

I tried to include some short stuff and longer stuff, some articles, images, videos, and comic recs, so you can choose based on your current energy and focus level :) I’ve also bolded links and key points of each source if you like skimming. Let’s go!

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Here’s an interesting article/study on EFDD! They found that “ADHD [is] associated with deficits in inhibition, managing one’s attention, self-directed speech and rule-following, self-motivation, and even self-awareness [...] ADHD therefore involves deficits in self-restraint, [...] selfsensing and imagery, self-control of emotion, and self-directed play for problem-solving.”

Thank you for motivating me to look up some articles, because I learned some new things, too! For instance, they assert that ADHD could also be called SRDD (Self-Regulation Deficit Disorder), but conclude the article by saying either SRDD or EFDD fits better than ADHD, and that the terms could be used interchangeably, because SR (self-regulation) and EF (executive function) are effectively talking about the same things. So his assertion is that even if the name ADHD never changes, it can still be scientifically classified as either of the other terms. I believe in recent years he’s preferred EFDD more and more.

[note that the above article/study is from 2011, back when we were on the DSM-IV, so a lot of research has been done since then]

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If that article’s a bit wordy or you want something more visual and up-to-date, here’s a really detailed PowerPoint presentation used during the 2018 ADHD Symposium! It’s long but well-organized so you can just read the big headers or you can read all the bullet points explaining it. Keep in mind this was a lecture, so some of it probably made more sense in person. I’m glad I read this, because I realize the terminology I’ve used is slightly off: according to the Symposium, there aren’t “subtypes” of ADHD, but the different names (ADHD-PI, ADHD-PH, and ADHD-C) are really just used to show the prevalence of certain symptoms in that individual. So they’re all terms for ADHD, but “subtype” was poor word choice on my part. 

Oh! I just found a video of him giving a lecture in 2012 using many of the same PowerPoint slides! Here ya go! It’s a bit longer than the other videos I’ve linked below (13min), but it might make the slides easier to interpret :)

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If you want a really short and basic overview, here’s a video explaining 5 main ways executive functions affect the brain and how they work differently in people with ADHD. [I put the video below as well if you wanna stay on tumblr] It’s from 2010, but it holds up. It only covers 5 big ones, so remember (if you can) that executive function affects EVERYTHING and the symptoms will affect everyone differently and at different levels. 

This is just the most basic overview and a good place to start:

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Here’s one where he talks about our Time-Blindness! (below) I was going to pick a couple favorite quotes to give you an idea, but that’d wind up being a transcript of the whole video because HE GETS IT. This is from 2014, but I CANNOT recommend it enough!!! He mentions that ADHD doesn’t have a deficit of attention, but rather a deficit of intention. He describes us as having a near-sighted sense of time, and talks about deadlines, “laziness,” etc.

 ALSO he talks about how our brains DON’T CONNECT our knowledge to our performance (back of brain to front) like everyone else’s, so we have the same level of knowledge and intelligence, but can’t access and use it the way others can. This is why teaching skills and organization/memory/time-management tips isn’t helpful -- we can learn them, but our knowledge and action centers are separated, so actually doing them/sticking with them is just as hard as before. 

If you don’t watch the whole thing, at least skip to 3:29 cause that part’s really funny and relatable (ok the whole thing is relatable):

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And of course, I highly recommend the YouTube channel How to ADHD! I have a couple friends who work on it, and they REALLY know their stuff! (They’re the ones who taught me during a game night that RSD isn’t a real term and it should be called “rejection-sensitivity” as part of the emotional dysregulation umbrella) 

I went looking and found this video (below) has the BEST explanation of it that I’ve seen in such a concise, entertaining way. I hadn’t seen this one before, but it even covers some of the things I mentioned in that post your ask is about! Especially the Internal Restlessness that I mentioned as the true “hyperactivity” we all share; even though some of us also express outward hyperactivity, both presentations come from the same restlessness in our brains.

^^^This has some great examples, visuals, animations, and different ways of explaining and thinking about our symptoms! If you want more about this, the description has a bunch of links to their sources! Jessica and everyone else who works on this channel is great at making the videos watchable for people with ADHD (even if we have to rewind sometimes)

Here's Jessica's official Twitter @HowtoADHD! (I was today years old when I found out that she follows me)

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And if you want something REALLY short and simple, here’s a 2 minute animation comparing living with ADHD to trying to film a movie with a director who keeps falling asleep [below]

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If you like comics:

My favorite ADHD comic artists are: ADHD Alien [@ADHD_Alien on Twitter and @adhd-alien on Tumblr]; Dani Donovan [@danidonovan on Twitter and @danidonovan on Tumblr -- we’re somehow twitter mutuals and she is such a sweetheart. She has some really good infographics, too!!]; ADHD Bri [@AdhdBri on Twitter and @adhdbri on Tumblr]; and dreamadept [@yume_dango on Twitter and @yume-dango on Tumblr]

They’re all well-researched, funny, genuine, intelligent, insightful, talented artists who depict ADHD in a very accurate and relatable way. Go check ‘em out and support them! :D

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I’m gonna stop there for now, but PLEASE feel free to add on to this with other sources, questions, videos, thoughts, comic artists, etc.!!! Hope this helps someone out there!

[natsumiheart]

I just wanna say how tired I am with some oumota shippers and their argument that oumasai is a bad ship cause apparently Shuichi never cared about kokichi and is annoyed with him and that oumota is better cause kokichi "opened up" to kaito like what they both were dying and kokichi had to convince kaito to work with him so he had to tell the truth that he wasn't the mastermind or else they'll die a meaningless death.I just really wanted to say this cause its driving me insane

Anonymous said:

Btw i was the anon that sent that ask ranting about oumota shippers saying oumota is better than oumasai and I just wanna clarify that I don't hate oumota shippers cause I know its their opinion and everyone can ship what they want but i feel like I really needed to tell someone about it cause it has been messing with my head and I don't have any irl friends that like DR and this blog felt the safest to vent to

Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you’re dealing with those people! I have a friend who is actually suffering from the same exact thing. Constant harassment from Ou**ta shippers saying Oumasai is toxic. I’m happy you feel like this is the safest blog to vent to ;; And just to make you feel better, here are a bunch of reasons why YOU’RE 100% RIGHT! and you shouldn’t be attacked or ashamed of how you feel towards that ship and all that hate towards yours. If anyone says Shuichi hated Kokichi and never cared for him just read this post! https://natsumiheart.tumblr.com/post/177427505177/hewwo-what-are-your-opinions-on-the-people-who

Warning: If you like Kaito x Kokichi I recommend you don’t read what’s under the cut, I don’t want to diss anyone’s ship in front of their face. That’s just insensitive, and the last thing I want is to ruin someone’s day. Unless you really want to know why others don’t feel the same as you, then don’t check out this post. Thank you!

Note that while I mention the bunch of reasons why this ship just straight up wouldn’t work out, I’m going to ignore the fact that Kaito acts very homophobic and transphobic in the japanese version of the game. I’ve mentioned it in this blog a bunch of times before, and it’s pretty obvious that everyone ignores his Homophobia so I’m just going to pretend as if he’s not homophobic and break down why exactly this ship wouldn’t work out even without him being homophobic in the first place. But I’m definitely not going to exclude how he acts towards guys in general.

> Kaito treats most guys he meets like trash, unless he respects them. Whenever Kaito finds a guy acting “Weak” he literally looks down on them, even gets frustrated with them. Huge proof is how he treated Shuichi for crying over Kaede, and then later punching Kokichi because he was acting “Weird”. Kaito was a huge fan of Ryoma, but when he saw what he has become, someone who has given up on his future, he started treating him badly, and after Ryoma was dead he even talked badly on him calling him “Weak.” and a “Sissy.” Not being able to understand the pain Ryoma was going through or how things were for him. He also got creeped out by Korekiyo for acting like a girl before he even revealed that he was “posessed” by his sister. Aren’t all those moments in the game enough proof that Kaito just straight up doesn’t like guys at all in that way? Then how could he *love* a guy, and Kokichi of all people. Heck, Gonta x Kaito make more sense than Kaito x Kokichi, even though he yelled at Gonta once for crying and being too weak for a man.

It’s shown multiple times in the game that Kaito treats guys like trash, and he treats Kokichi the worst of all.

Note: I do think Kaito can change the way he acts towards guys, but I don’t he will ever love one romantically.

> I think we can all agree that Kokichi is really hard to deal with sometimes. He distances himself so much from everyone as much as he could, and he won’t back down that easily even if it meant hurting others’ feelings. He keeps lying constantly so no one can figure him out or get close to him. We don’t exactly know the reason why, but he has major trust issues and it shows.That is the reason why for us, seeing Shuichi listed under “Trustworthy” was a big deal. (But I’m not going to dive deep into that since I already did multiple times in this blog.) My point here is that Kokichi needs someone with patience, someone who could understand him a bit and why he does what he does. Someone to decipher his actions and break down his walls, but isn’t afraid to sometimes step his foot down and tell him that his actions are wrong and he’s harming others as well as himself. Kaito on the other hand grows frustrated with guys so quickly, he doesn’t listen to their reasoning before heading in for physical violence. THAT is exactly the opposite of what Kokichi needs! And I still don’t understand how others can’t see it! When Kaito punched Kokichi in chapter 4, he was already in so much despair over seeing the secret of the outside world and that punch made it worse. To the point he stayed silent then locked himself in his room. How in the world do people actually see this ship as better than oumasai? I don’t get it.

Kokichi shouldn’t be with someone that will treat him like trash, and physically (if not also emotionally) harm him for how he’s acting.

> Opposites sometimes attract, but POLAR opposites do not. and I’m talking from personal experience here, two people who are different in so many ways (ESPECIALLY THEIR WAY OF THINKING) will end up fighting 24/7. It was shown again and again in the game that Kokichi and Kaito do not get along thanks to how different their approach is to things and their seemingly different upbringings. Ships between two characters who fight a lot just make me so uncomfortable and disturbed, because I know how these relationships actually end up in real life. Fights do happen in relationships sometimes, it’s even needed to strengthen the relationship, to realise that no matter what happens you STILL love your partner, but when you fight every single time you talk? That’s a bad sign! 

Fighting is NOT romantic and it never will be! And when it has physical violence mixed in? My god. Please do yourself a favor and break up with your partner if they keep hitting you.

> Kaito doesn’t ever side with Kokichi:

He literally said in chapter 4 “I don’t wanna survive it means I have to stoop to your level!” and Kokichi said “Then die in a hole for all I care! WE wanna LIVE, so stop getting in our way!”. Kaito will never be on Kokichi’s side, Even if it meant his death and the deaths of all his friends.

When Kaito realised that maybe watching all the motive videos together would’ve prevented a murder from happening Shuichi is the one that points out that it was what Kokichi was trying to do. But then Kaito is like “Huh, really?” Then brushes it off. Because of course, of course Kokichi wants murders to continue. Right?

Even after Kokichi spilled everything to him because he was literally about to die and really wanted Kaito to go along with his plan and believe him. Kaito still stated that he still thought he only thought of himself. Even after Kokichi sacrificed himself to save HIM from the poison and MAKI from being his murderer. He still hated him and didn’t believe him. The only reason Kaito went along with his plan was because he was about to die anyway, he was running out of time and he needed to get out even if it meant following Kokichi’s plan and killing him in the process.

When two people actually love each other they have each others backs. But with these two, they never will.

> I don’t believe Kokichi hated Kaito. But he literally thinks he is stupid and is a bad influence on everyone. These two have a relationship of two siblings that can’t stand each other. I always see myself and my brother in them, which is another reason why their ship makes me beyond uncomfortable. My brother puts his trust in people way too easily, and believes whatever tf his brain comes up with because y’know it’s him and “he’s always right”. He would never take a second to think that maybe he’s wrong, just like Kaito and his hunch. I on the other hand find him incredibly stupid, we argue a lot because our way of thinking and our beliefs are very different, we even used to hit each other a lot. We never really got along. And the way Kokichi and Kaito act around each other really reminded me of it, but you don’t know me and you don’t know my brother so why should you take my word for it? An example I like to use when trying to explain this point to others is the relationship between Stanley and Stanford in Gravity Falls, those two fought a lot in the show but in the last episode they had to work together on a plan despite their differences. Doesn’t it remind you of a certain story that happened in the game? Kokichi and Kaito’s relationship resembles theirs so much it’s insane. 

I feel like the game tried to show us how these two are more like siblings but on bad terms, even giving them similar hair and eye colors. But that flew straight over every rivalry shipper’s head.

These are some of the reasons why Ou**ta wouldn’t work out and can’t even be a thing in the first place, I said it before and I’ll say it again: I could write a book about this topic. But I’m kinda busy today and I have to leave the house soon- I hope you’re convinced that you are actually right. (I’ve been told countless times that I’m wrong leading me to question myself, so I wanted to help out by reassuring you that your feelings are valid and you’re not wrong in this situation at all) Saying Oumasai is toxic for one line Shuichi said while he was angry and defending his friend, while shipping Ou**ta and ignoring all this stuff is like the most hypocritical thing anyone can say. 

And yeah, people should ship whatever they want. Lots of people ignore characters’ feelings and ship the crackiest of ships, making very OOC art and fanfiction. And they can do that! But they can’t go around dissing people for their ship while supporting an obviously flawed one. Honestly you shouldn’t attack people for their ships in the first place, no matter what YOU ship. Just stay in your own bubble and stay away from the ships you dislike. It’s not that hard!

If you’re an Ou**ta fan reading this, I just want to say thank you for reading this far, and I’m really not saying you should stop supporting your ship. I’m just explaining why we feel this way towards it and the evidence we have behind it. If you’re one of the people who go around attacking shippers while boasting your ship. Please stop? Seriously, stop giving a shit about other people’s opinions and life will suddenly become much easier.

I’d like to clarify: If anyone responds to this post telling me I’m wrong, I’m not responding. My blog is for me to post art, sometimes funny stuff to make people’s days, interact with my followers and draw their requests, or ranting about topics I’m passionate about (Mostly DR). I do not want it to be a place for ship discourse, so if I get disagreeing replies or asks I’m going to ignore them like I always do whenever I post these rant type blogs. I hope you understand.

[captainshazamerica]

The redhood nightwing fight scenes look like they're gonna be dope af like thats all I'm thinking about how awesome the fight scenes are (hopefully) gonna be (I'm already finding it difficult to see this jason as redhood cuz he's like literally a child but I dunno what age he redhooded in the comics so??)

I had no idea tim was even gonna be in it !?! Can I please get some kind of recognition from the batboys that they actually view each other as brothers and family! 😢

Someone needs to kill the joker It'd be kinda interesting if old bruce killed joker and it'd be nice if that was the last thing he did as batman buuuttt then again it'd be a nice touch if dick killed joker for jason, it would personally be disappointing if joker was just let live not gonna lie i really want bruce to kill him and that be the reason he gives up being batman because he failed to protect jason and then he broke his no killing thing so he just hangs up the cape

we are getting FEAR TOXIN yassssss cue awesome nightmare ish fearscapes (no idea if that's an actual word but that's what I call when you get to see everyone's fear hallucination)

Kory I love you, I do ship dickkory however I feel like she's too good for dick and should marry me instead lol I wanna see how donna is still alive? and I know there's people who are like ughh hank dawn go away already but I really freakin like hank and dawn as characters even though their suits are ridiculous did they break up last season I can't remember? Hank needs a break poor man someone give him a blanket and a hug and let him sit the fuck down everybody leave hank alone

That line where babs is like don't try be your father and dick is like excuse me what you saying there Commissioner Gordon, that will never not be funny 😅😅😅

I ain't in love with this show it has so much potential it could be so lit but I do like it anndd they got suits now whoop!

Wait is this my previous Titans anon? (The one where we ranted about Jason, or the one thinking they hadn’t seen S2 but went to watch it and realized they had? Or are you the same person? xD )And if so are you the same one who asked for the comic and fic recs? Just wondering in terms of if I’m talking to one person or not hahaha

But ahh I got so excited when I saw I got an ask about this 😍

Omg the nightwing red hood fight already got me so stressed lol. It looks great but ahh angst! But I think Jason is like 19ish in most versions when he comes back? Though tbh I forgot what age Jason is in this , I’ll have to see when i rewatch it soon. Curran, the actor, is actually 23, he just looks super young/short. He got pretty buff though. But yeah, that is an unfortunate thing wi the them rushing it already but also, I’d rather have it like this than if they were gonna spread it out through the seasons then it gets cancelled or something (poor Gotham s5, RIP). I think he was the PERFECT robin jason Todd though. Like I love his acting and portrayal of Jason(“Titans are back bitches!” classic Jason), he just is young looking and short. Gosh I still wanna know if they are going with the Lazarus pit for Jason or not! But like that also begs the question of whether they are doing a time skip cause normally Jason is dead for like 2-3ish years, but it doesn’t look like it from the trailer.

And yes, I’ve been looking forwards to Tim!!! While the trailer didn’t show it, the actor was on set a lot over these last couple of months (I’ve been keeping up with their instagrams xD) and seemed super close with the cast! I can’t believe the first look we got if Tim was him nearly crying, though that look already won me over, I love him and he is my son now. But RIGHT! That’s all I want, is the bat bros platonic love, gosh dang it😭 that’s all we want DC😭

BRO! OLD MAN BRUCE KILLING JOKER WOULD BE FREAKING PERFECT. Dang it! Now I’m gonna be so disappointed if that doesn’t happen 🤣gosh it would be perfect, and normally I would be like it’s Bruce, they would never do that, BUT, this show does that kind of “edgy” stuff anyway so if it’s ever gonna happen(without the Batman who Laughs plot line happening(which would make a perfect dc animated movie btw)), it would happen in this show, especially with what was shown in the trailer with him giving Batman up. Man, now my hopes are up for that xD though I wouldn’t mind if Dick killed him. I would be shocked though if they had the balls to actually kill off joker though, dc seems to refuse to do that :/

Omg I squealed at the scarecrow part omg. Dr freaking Crane is a big reason I spiraled down this entire fandom tbh. Like literally a year ago I got obsessed with him for some reason and that led into the Bat hole where I am currently WAY deeper than I ever would have thought 😂 and while I’m not hyper fixated on him anymore, I still love him so much and is my 2nd fav rogue, and it mainly started with Jonathan 🥺 we barely even see his face and I am already in love with the casting, the voice is perfect. And I LOVE when villains have to help the heroes, that is like one of my fav tropes ever omg, I was really hoping they were gonna do that to him. I hope he is in it for more than one episode tho. And oh lordy, like those poor Titans need even more trauma in their lives and now fear gas is in the equation. Oh no, I bet poor Gar is gonna get hit cause they just love to torture that poor boy. And tbh I hope the fearscapes(perfect word for it) will be better than most of the Gotham ones, those seemed a tad cheesy tbh

Lmao about you and kory😂 she is too good for him, but also, this Dick needs someone who can kick his ass and get his head out of his martyr butt 😂 tho tbh, I’m still not fully sold on Dickkory, Like I don’t hate it but I don’t LOVE it in many versions, like they can be cute but no strong feelings, the Original Teen Titans cartoon is like the only exception, I def ship those 2

Omg I low key forgot Donna “died”😂🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel like I knew it wouldn’t last so it didn’t have a big impact on me lol. Like I had/have a feel raven is gonna bring her back. I wanna know what happened to Rose/Joey! Like are they not gonna be in it at all? Especially with Jason going off the deep end?!

Lmao, hawk and dove’s suits😂 I think they did break up, I’ve only seen the series once through tbh, planning to rewatch before S3 tho(and try to force my mom to watch it tho she is convinced everything DC is too dark for her lmao), yeah, I don’t mind them, like I don’t want the focus on them but like they deserve to be happy/need a break, omg yes! That boy needs to be wrapped in a blanket and given a break, that grumpy boy is TIRED. Let him rest!

Lmao! That babs line is so great😂

I’m just so excited for all this live action Batfam content, considering the live action movies NEVER give us Batfam 😭(we aren’t talking about the 80’s/90’s live action robin lmao)

Also so sorry this was so long 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[star-birthmark]

hi hi can i have some (secretly) needy Jotaro who misses his s/o while he's on a trip? What does he miss about her/thinking about gift ideas/etc etc. And their reunion if possible!! (she/her pronouns) thank u v much uwu have a nice day c:

Anon, thank you, this is the exact ask I need right now. Not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty fucking down right now, not doing well mentally, so any chance to write/read anything with Jotaro (my f/o) is welcome. Today has not been a good day, at all, here’s hoping this makes it better. 

Anyway, side note, the reference to the ring is here. 

Without further ado: Missing you: Jotaro x Reader (2k words)

Jotaro had had enough. He even didn’t realize how much he missed you until he found himself in his American office, meanwhile, you were a fifteen-hour flight away in Japan. The scientist grumbled, unable to focus on his work. Putting it aside, he instead turned and stared out the window, looking out at the beautiful Florida coast. He understood why the Speedwagon Foundation needed him there in Florida, to inspect the whereabouts of any stand arrows or followers of Dio, as well as to continue his research. But he also understood why they needed him in Italy... and then in Britain... and then in Egypt... and then finally in Florida, each trip one right after the other. 

Jotaro began tapping his fingertips along the wood of his desk, a nervous, angry tick he’d developed in his travels. Including all these damn business trips together, he’d been gone from you for a collective 2 months now. Sure, you two have called each other, but no amount of hours over the phone could equate to coming home to you, and resting close to you in shared bed as you melted away his anxieties about his coworkers expecting so much from him, and how he feels he might not be good enough for his job. But you knew better than to let him feel that way, and you always managed to make him feel loved and cared for. 

But you weren’t here. And Jotaro missed you more than he’d openly admit. The tapping on his desk continued the more upset he got. 

He had two days left in Florida before he’d be able to go home, and he could not wait. He wondered what he’d do with you when he finally got home. He wanted to do something special with you since it’s been so long. There was a fancy new restaurant that had opened up near you two in the city, but you’d both been too busy, and he had been dying to take you there. It was a very black tie place though... The thought of you in a beautiful dress, looking as beautiful dress, looking as beautiful as ever, had the young man grinning shyly to himself. Inwardly, Star Platinum was doing backflips at the idea. A chance after so long to spend time with you, to have a relaxing evening with you, and not his stuffy, older coworkers who didn’t understand his hard travel and homesickness. Jotaro tipped his white hat over his darkened eyes. A nice dinner together, a walk in the park afterward, a kiss under one of the street lamps. Jotaro smiled wider and Star Platinum immerged from his form. The two of them shared a knowing look. 

“Ora...”

“Yeah yeah... I know. I love kissing (y/n) too...” 

Jotaro slapped his stand on the arm after such a lovesick comment. But oh man... a kiss from you right then would have been heaven on Earth. Jotaro hadn’t even liked anything romantic until he met you. Then when you first kissed, he finally understood why everyone else in the world loves it so much. Jotaro knew he wasn’t the most romantic of boyfriends, but you were the only one on Earth that could bring out his soft side like this. He wanted to do so many things with you, all of them impeded by the distance between you two. Kiss you, go on a date, laugh together, cuddle, and even go one step further-

“Dr. Kujo? Your meeting with the senior donors is in five minutes.” 

Jotaro stopped his tapping on his desk, having realized that he should have been preparing for this meeting instead of being distracted by thoughts of you. Jotaro thanked his assistant and stood up from his desk, his mind still racing the more he missed you. 

He should get you something. 

You’ve been so patient with him and his constant travel, but now that his most recent study was coming to a close, plus he’d managed to track down another arrow, Jotaro figured he should reward you for your patience. Walking the hallways of the SPW compound, the young scientist pondered what gift to get you. Star Platinum floated beside him, easily phasing though the none stand user employees. The stand and user discussed possibilities together, the other staff playing Jotaro no ming. They knew he was talking to his stand, even if they couldn’t see it. 

Star Platinum thought on potential gifts for you while Jotaro walked across the company campus to his meeting. 

“Ora?” 

Jotaro thought about it. “No... too flashy. (y/n)’s more relaxed, you know that.”

“Ora...Ora?” 

“How am I supposed to fit that on the plane?!” 

“Ora ora!”

“No...not doing that...”

“Ora... Ora! ORA ORA ORA!”

“Oh yeah? What’s your brilliant idea star?”

“...Ora.”

Jotaro stopped in his tracks, turning to his stand, who was now giving him a big, giddy smile. 

“A ring? You think so?” 

Star nodded. “Ora.” Jotaro blushed more while walking to the meeting.

“An engagement ring?! Really?!” 

“Ora ora!” The stand said gleefully, nodding until his head hurt, 

“Wow... the thought never occurred to me to ask (y/n) to marry me...” Star rolled his eyes and punched Jotaro on the arm. Jotaro huffed. 

“Alright alright, good grief. If you’re thinking it, that must mean I’m thinking it too. You’re me. I get it.” The moment the thought of proposing to you came to his head, Jotaro simply couldn’t get it out. 

“I mean... I have all day tomorrow to get a ring. And I already know what size she is...”

Well... that was it. That was what he was going to do. Jotaro Kujo was going to propose to you. The young man walked into the meeting with new confidence in his step, despite his face being bright red with smitten embarrassment. Star Platinum was even more excited, barely able to contain himself. Jotaro kept waving for him to go away until he was interrupted by a senior professor at the meeting. 

“Umm... Dr. Kujo? Could you please introduce yourself to the group now that you’ve entered the room?” 

Jotaro looked around, now unbelievably anxious as he rushed to sit down. “Yeah.. of course. Hello everyone.” The meeting continued, Jotaro’s fingers tapping on the table as he thought what kind of ring to get. 

- - - 

The day finally arrived that Jotaro would return from two months of travel, and you were so excited you could hardly contain yourself. At that point in your two’s separation, your patience was wearing very thin, and you were ready for Jotaro to get here so you could jump him and make up for the lost time. 

 You did everything to make sure he was coming back to a peaceful home. You’d already finished your work at your own lab, so you found the time to clean the house, hang up a “welcome home” sign, and even call up Mrs. Holly for a recipe on what Jotaro would like best to eat for dinner when he arrives. Everything was set. You were anxiously waiting in the living room near the front door and Jotaro was anxiously waiting in the cab to get home to you. The ring box was hidden under his mountain of papers and files, and he was itching to finally pop the question, even if he was a little nervous about it all. 

Finally, he arrived at the front door, standing on the porch and calming himself down enough to open it. He went looking for his keys in his briefcase, unable to find them after so long of not needing them. However, this problem didn’t really present an issue when you swung the door open in front of him. Jotaro looked up part his hat to see you standing there. He gulped. You looked beautiful. 

“...Hi dear, long time no see-”

“Jotaro!” 

Even Jotaro was surprised when you managed to tackle him in a tight hug, the two of you landing on the front lawn, the fall broken by the soft grass. You stared into his shocked face before leaning in to give your love a deep, fulfilling kiss after two lonely months. Jotaro let out a heavy sigh, melting into your touch as you rested on top of him, both of you oblivious to your neighbors seeing everything. When you two finally broke your contact and stood up, Jotaro turned to you with a small grin. 

“How’d you know I was outside? I wasn’t making any noise so I could surprise you.” 

You chuckled a bit. “Well... I could see Star jumping up and down through the window.” 

Both of you turned to see your stands happily reuniting with one another with kisses of their own as well. Jotaro groaned in embarrassment before you reminded him that you two were the only ones that could see the stands, and you all went inside. You could barely contain your excitement, Jotaro could barely contain his nerves. You turned to him, bouncing off the walls with a smile on your face, and rushing around between the kitchen and the living room, taking his suitcase from him. 

“Come in, come in you big lug. Give me your suitcase, we’ll wash everything tomorrow. I made dinner for us, your favorite too. A-and there’s a Columbo marathon waiting for us and then I also wanna just relax with you and um... well, you know. Umm... and I’m sorry that I don’t look better than I do. I was wearing the outfit that I wanted to wear while I was cooking but it got dirty so it’s in the laundry so-”

“(y/n).”

You stopped your rambling and moving about and turned to your boyfriend as he remained standing in the front entrance of the house. Jotaro calmly took his white hat and jacket off, hanging them up on the coat rack, before turning to you with a shy smile, small tears in his eyes.

“... I’ve really missed you.”

You felt your heart soar in your chest as you approached Jotaro once more, your own vision now clouded with tears as well. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head in his chest and sniffling a bit. 

“I’ve really missed you too...” Jotaro smiled and looked down at the top of your head, giving you a soft kiss, and taking in your scent and warmth, both of which he’d missed more than anything. 

“I love you so much (y/n)...”

“I love you too...” After several minutes of you two standing there, Jotaro finally spoke up. 

“Alright... come on. We’re going out for dinner.” 

You turned to him confused. “But what about all the stuff I cooked?!” 

“We’ll eat it tomorrow.”

“But what about Columbo?”

“Columbo’s not going anywhere.” 

“But-”

“(y/n). You’ve been so great and patient with me these past two months, just let me spoil you.”

You pouted before sighing and reaching up on your toes, you give Jotaro a quick peck on the lips. 

“Alright, I’ll get ready. Is this place fancy?” 

“Yeah... wear the purple dress?” 

You smile. “Sure dear.” 

Jotaro smiled, watching you head back to the bedroom to change. After not long of waiting, he looked up at the sound of your heels clicking on the floor. You finished fidgeting with your gold stud earring before turning to him. 

“How do I look?”

Jotaro stood up from his seat, in awe, a big grin on forming on his face. 

“If we didn’t have reservations, I’d jump you and carry you upstairs right now.” 

You smirked at him. “We could cancel...” You said flirtingly. 

Jotaro shook his head. “Nope, no chance.” 

You smacked his chest playfully with a pout and turned towards the exit to get your coat. Seeing that your back was to him and he was out of sight, Star Platinum quickly handed Jotaro the ring box having gotten it from the biologist’s briefcase. Jotaro opened it and smiled at the star-shaped diamond at the center of the rose gold band. Once you turned around though, Jotaro quickly hid it away. 

“Ready to go?” You asked, holding out your hand. Jotaro took it in his. 

“Yeah... let’s go.”  

[jungshookz]

falling in crayolove;  (kindergartenteacher!taehyung)

✎ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

✎ genre: kindergartenteacher!au, workingman!au, F L U F F, tiny bit of angst at the start :-( but this is literally 98% fluff; y/n and taehyung are like two little kids with little crushes on each other

✎ trigger warning(s): implications of getting an abortion!!  

✎ wordcount: 10.5k

✎ summary: y/n is a very single mom and taehyung is a very single kindergarten teacher. emma knows exactly what she needs to do.  

✎ note: okay LOOK before you get into reading, this isn’t technically a full fic! this is what happens when you cross a full fic and a baby drabble = this is a BABY FIC which explains why the word count is much smaller compared to the usual! (ps i will probably?? be writing more baby fics for characters such as garbageman!tae or.,,. oTher characters that i can’t think of right now lmao) i was originally going to leave kindergarten!tae as it was and i was just going to continue to write baby drabbles for him but i felt like he deserved a fic?? buT then i was conflicted because his original drabble literally already tells us the full story and i was like ok.,. what else is there to say.,,. sweats,,.. anyways this is what i ended up with! in case you were wondering, yES the original drabble is included in this fic since it’s a crucial part of the story and it would have been a waste to not use it but if you don’t want to read that you’re welcome to just skiP on over to the end lol. also emma is four years old and tae is a pre-kindergarten teacher because i changed my MIND - enjoy!!

pst if u wanna talk to y/n or emma or tae u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

ah, yes.  

to be young and i-

“i’m pregnant?!”

the reason why you came to the doctors today was because you thought you had some sort of stomach flu

at first it wasn’t a big deal

but then it started getting worse and you literally thought you had a parasite from eating at that dingy sushi place and you were mad at jin for like a week because it was hIs idea to go there and it’s not fair that hE didn’t get an upset tummy >:-(

jin reminded you that he warNed you about the sea urchin and you responded by smacking the back of his head

you have to admit

it is relieving to know that there isn’t a dangerous parasite living inside of you and feasting on your organs

it’s a,.,. ???

how would one describe a baby as a parasite

a perfectly natural parasite living inside of you!

well

it certainly explains things

the sudden onslaught of violent puking in the morning

you thought it was because your yogurt was starting to get a little funky but apparently it’s because there’s a baby growing inside of you!!!11!!!!

also you should probably start learning how to be more aware of the things that you’re putting inside of your body

also

this should have been a big hint: your period didn’T come this month and your red rain has never EVER been late

“but… i don’t understand.” you let out a breath and lean back against the reclining chair while staring up at the ceiling fan

the lightbulb flickers

“i- we use condoms and- we practice safe sex!!!” you exasperate and sit back up to look at dr. kim “we’re very vERy safe!!!”

“condoms are only effective 98% of the time.”

“yeAH that’s a preTTY BIG percentage” your knuckles grow white as you clench tightly around the arms of the seat in frustration

98%!!!!!!!

that means there was a 2% chance that the condom didn’t work and obviously you are part of that 2%!!!!!

“do you take birth control pills?”

“um, is the sky blue?? yes!!!!” you reply as if it’s the most obvious answer in the entire world

“the sky’s grey today.” dr. kim raises a brow at you before pointing behind you out the window “do you take them consistently?”

“ye-“ you press your lips together “…s…?”

sometimes you.,.., skip a day or two

you’re busy!!!!! you don’t always have the time to remember to pop a tiny pill into ur mouth

you didn’t think it’d be such a big deal

and you certainly didn’t think it’d result in u.., actually getting pregnant

“how many weeks…?” you trail off uneasily and pick at some lint on your sweater

you don’t feel so good now

it’s honestly probably because this baby is about to make you puke again but

oh god

you’re pregnant

you’re barely legal and you’re pregnant

you still see yourself as a kid!!!

you’re a kid who’s going to be raising a kid!!!!!!

kids should NOT be raising kids!!!!!!

“you are about… six weeks pregnant.” dr. kim flips through a chart before looking up at you with a small smile “currently, your baby is about the size of a sweet pea…”

in case it’s not clear

it takes two to tango

in this case

your tango partner is none other than son hyun-woo

otherwise known as

shownu

you’re going over to his apartment for dinner tonight and as much as you doN’t want to tell him you’re pregnant, he’s probably going to become suspicious when your stomach starts growing bigger and rounder as the months go by

you’ve been with shownu since grade eleven

it’s been a great four years!!!

shownu is very sweet and kind and caring and handsome and every other positive adjective that’s ever been recorded in the dictionary

you even chose to go to the same university as him just so you guys could stay together

he’s the captain of the soccer team which is a fact that you like to share with literally everYone because..,,. why wouLDn’t you brag about your soccer captain boyfriend

he’s… he’s the love of your life and that’s one thing you know for sure

you see yourself getting married to him and having kids with him and growing old with him

,..,you’re just not sure if he’d be down to do all of that stuff starting noW

you wipe your sweaty palms down on your leggings as shownu sets the plate of fried rice in front of you “i know you don’t like spicy things, but i threw in a liTTLE tiny baby bit of kimchi in here” he hums and takes a seat across from you “it should be fine though… if not, i made a backup plate of plain fried rice for you!”

you have half a mind to start off the announcement with ‘ah, yes, speaking of baBiES-‘ but perhaps that’s not the best approach to this delicate situation

frick

maybe you should tell him later

but.,,. it’s better to tell him soOner than later

you just don’t know what’s going to happen and you hate it when you’re unable to predict things  

how is he going to take it??

he’s usually a very supportive boyfriend but this is a completely nEW kind of supportive

“by the way, thanks for helping me out with my sociology presentation. it went pretty well except for when the prof started asking questions related directly to my slides but luckiLy i was able to bullshit and finesse my way out of-“

“i’m pregnant.” you blurt out

shownu immediately chokes and his fork falls onto his plate with a loud clatter

“you’re-“ he pats his chest a couple times and takes a biG swig of water

he clears his throat

“you’re- i’m sorry, you’re what?”

“i… am… preg…nant.” you mutter sheepishly “pregnant.”

shownu stares at you with wide eyes and for a second you think you’ve broken your boyfriend

and then he snaps out of it

“dude, we’re 19 years old, i don’t wanna be a dad-!“

ok first of all did he just call you dude

and second of all

“and you think i wanna be a mom? we’re both part of this and we need to take full responsibility for our actions. w-we should have been more careful but-“

“i was the careful one! you were the one who was supposed to be on top of your stuPId pills and you couldn’t even remember to take them everyday and now look where we are!”  

“look, it’s not the end of the world-“ your fingers tighten around the napkin on your lap

“god, y/n, how dumb are you?! this is going to ruin my life! you knoW how hard i’ve worked to get this soccer scholarship and all of that is about to be completely fucking derailed because of this dumb fucking baBy and- i’m not- no!” shownu snaps and slams a fist against the table

water sloshes out of both your guys’ cups from the vibrations

the dishes rattle slightly and you immediately divert your gaze to your lap

“i don’t want this baby!” he exasperates and throws his head back before placing his hands over his face “god, my parents… what the hell are they going to think??”

he looks over at you and shakes his head “you planned this, didn’t you?”

“wh- what??” your brows knit together and you let out a scoff “what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“you planned this so that i’d have no choice but to stay with you because you’re carrying my child”

“shownu- obviously i didn’t fucking plan to get pregnant, it was an acCIdent and-“

“if you keep this baby, i will leave you.” shownu growls “get rid of it.”

at first you were upset

but now you’re just angry

how dare he speak to you like this?

“what did you just say to me?” you scoff and cross your arms

“i don’t want this baby. we cannot keep this baby. we will not be raising this baby. understand?”

jesus

“fine.” you murmur quietly “we won’t keep this baby.”

you swallow the lump in your throat and blink away your tears before letting out a shaky breath

“good.” shownu visibly relaxes and clears his throat before picking up his fork

he shovels a big bite of rice into his mouth “after dinner, we’ll make an appointment to go to the abortion clinic tomorrow afternoon. i think it’ll be fine if i skip the first half of training but hopefully we’ll be back before-“

the chair screeches against the floor as you get up and shownu immediately gets up as well “hey, where are you going?”

“you’re right, shownu. we won’t be keeping this baby - i’ll be keeping this baby. and i will raise my baby on my own.” you snap and reach down to grab your bag before storming to the front door  

shownu doesn’t stop you  

and you don’t look back.

the rest of the night goes by in a blur

it’s pretty fitting that it’s raining like crazy outside

you drop your backpack and keys on the floor once you get back to your apartment

you peel your sopping wet jacket off and toss it on the couch before kicking your shoes off

honestly

it feels like time’s stood still

it’s just white noise in your brain and you can’t seem to focus on anything

you flick the bedside lamp on and a cast of warm yellow washes over your room

you sit cross-legged on the floor at the side of your bed and let out a breath

the atmosphere is completely silent except for the sound of rain gently drumming against the window

a flash of lightning briefly lights up the sky

in the distance, you hear the slight rumble of thunder

you dial your mom’s number with shaky fingers and click the speaker button before setting it down on the mattress

brrrrrinnng

brrrrrinnng

brrrrri-

your mom picks up on the third ring which was wAY sooner than you thought she’d pick up

“hey, look who finally called!”

you open your mouth to speak when suddenly you feel an overwhelming wave of anxiety and fear rush over you  

you should have planned something before calling her

what’s the right way for a teenage daughter to tell her mother that she’s pregnant?

is she going to be disappointed with you?

is she going to be angry with you? tell you that you’re irresponsible and that she saw this coming from miles away?

is she going to tell you that this is something you’ll have to deal with yourself?

your parents worked so hard to get you here and they work hard to this day to continue paying for your tuition fees

and you’re about to tell them that hey, i’m pregnant

you haven’t even said anything and you’re already losing your composure

your nails dig into the flesh of your palm as you ball your hands into fists

“-i was wondering when i’d hear from you. your dad isn’t back from work yet but i’ll make sure to tell him that you called. i’m just making dinner now, i’m trying out this new pasta dish that-“

“mom?” your voice cracks and you clamp your lips together and shake your head

your bottom lip trembles and your vision starts to blur with tears almost instantly

oh god

you can’t do this

you feel your face burning up as you try your hardest to hold it back

a beat of silence goes by and you hear some shuffling on the other end of the phone

the first tear rolls down your cheek

“…honey, what’s wrong?”

and that’s all it takes

the rest of the tears follow in an unbroken stream

you immediately let out a pained sob before leaning forward and pressing your hands against the cold floor beneath you

you begin to cry with such force that your chest starts to hurt and your heart starts to clench and you feel like you could pass out at any moment

your mom can barely make out what you’re saying through your blubbering but she manages to pick out ‘pregnant’ and that’s all she needs to know

she waits for you to sob your heart out before deciding to speak up

she asks if you have the resources to raise a child

no, you don’t

she asks if you even want to have this child

yes, you do

she asks you if shownu wants to have this child

no, he doesn’t, but that doesn’t matter to you

she tells you how much she loves you and absolutely nothing is going to change that fact

after all, you’re her baby no matter what

you find comfort in knowing that you have some form of a support system and you’re not completely on your own

you turn and twist in the mirror as you keep your eyes glued on your bare stomach

you were about to take a quick shower but once you stripped off all your clothes you were suddenly moRe aware of your tummy

you don’t look pregnant

you don’t even feel pregnant

it’s just,.,. odd

knowing that there’s a living human growing inside of you

“it’s just you and me against the world, sweet pea.” you smooth a hand over your bare stomach and give it a gentle pat

just you and sweet pea

nine months seem to go by in a blur

shownu never reaches out to you and you never reach out to him

as far as you’re concerned you don’t want anything to do with him

as far as you’re concerned this is your baby and your baby alone

your ankles become swollen and your breasts become sore and weighty

your skin gets blotchy at some point and there’s not enough concealer in the world to hide the angry pimples dotted all over your face

ur mom says u were supposed to be glowing during pregnancy..,,. the only kind of glowing ur doing is from the gREASE  

you find yourself casually throwing anchovies into your vanilla ice cream and topping it off with balsamic vinegar  

you had to start taking online classes because it was becoming too hard having to transport to campus every day

every time you see a dog on the street you burst into tears because hOUHG my GOD it’S so cuTE *snorts*

you’re in the middle of a midterm when you feel sweet pea kick for the first time and it takes everything within you to not start crying in the middle of the examination hall

jin comes over to your apartment for study sessions but most of the time it ends up with him taping his earbuds to the swell of your tummy and letting sweet pea listen to some classical music

he goes through this phase where he’s obsessed with healing crystals and your apartment becomes scattered with rose quartzes and jaspers because he’s doing it for the baby 

occasionally he makes you lie down so he can place small crystals in a circle around your belly button so that the healing energy will be absorbed into your body and into the baby 

 you’re thankful that you have a friend like him even though he’s literally a lunatic 

your mom comes into town once a month and stays for about a week just to take care of you and make sure that both you and the baby are happy and healthy

as time goes on, your little sweet pea grows into a fuLL on watermelon

and eventually-

“jesus chRIST-“ your chest heaves with exhaustion as you lie back against the hospital bed

oh my god

that was the woRST eight hours of your life

your lower body is completely numb and you don’t even want to think about how buSted your vagina looks right now

you put her through a loT today!!!!

“here she is, mama!” the nurse gently places your screAMing bundle of joy in your arms and suddenly all the blood sweat and tears is completely worth it

oh

oh

“hi, sweet pea…” you laugh lightly as her tiny, mucousy hand wraps around your finger

she’s so beautiful

“i’m your mommy…” your eyes are glistening with tears of joy (aND pain) and you lean in to press a tiny kiss to the top of her head “just u nd me against the world”    

well

that was four years ago

it’s pretty strange how quickly time can go by

four years ago you were nineteen years old

four years ago you were in a committed, loving relationship with someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with

four years ago you were in your second year of university; first year was a hellish nightmare and you were just starting to figure things out

four years ago you found out you were pregnant and your world was turned upside down

and now you’re twenty-three years old

a lot has changed in the past four years

you are no longer in a committed, loving relationship with someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with; in fact, you haven’t been in another relationship since shownu,., you haven’t even been on any dates

you are in your fifth year of university because you couldn’t graduate last year due to the fact that you were missing some credits; luckily you have moSt of university life figured out at this point even though you occasionally stiLL get lost on campus sometimes

you found a pretty stable job at a drug store a couple blocks away from the apartment

it’s not much but it pays the bills (your parents will occasionally chip in and help out if u need it) ((you’re very grateful to have the parents that you have))

jin is still a big fat doofus (he’s not aS obsessed with crystals but u keep them in the apartment because they’re pretty)

emma’s in pre-k now!!!! it seems like it was only yesterday that she started walking and talking

and now she won’t stop walking,.,. or talking

no tea no shade

emma is the absolute light of your life!!

and you would straight up SLAUGHTER anyone who would try to hurt her

:~)  

she’s your little ball of sunshine who smothers you with kisses every morning to wake you up and writes ‘i lov3 mommy’ on literally any surface she can find (you’re flattered but u need to have a word with her about using lipstick to write on the walls) and always wants to help you make breakfast and dinner or fold the laundry or sweep the floors

emma is a peculiar little girl and you are so, so proud to be able to call yourself her mother

she’s compassionate and kindhearted and thoughtful and polite

she never forgets to say please and thank you

she likes to wait for you to get to the dinner table as well before digging into her spaghetti (she can’t pronounce spaghetti yet so she jumbles it together and it becomes spapeggi)

she likes watching nature documentaries (docummeneries) with you and would genuinely choose to watch that over the powerpuff girls or even spongebob and you were like ???? because yOU low-key want to watch spongebob and u don’t want to have to confess to your four year old daughter that you want to watch cartoons instead of a documentary

on mother’s day she woke you up with kisses and breakfast in bed!! she made you a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich and you have to admit that it was *mwah* very scrumptious

emma is very curious as to who her dad is or if she even hAs a dad 

she thought jin was her dad and jin was only slightly offended at how hard you laughed at that when she brought it up

because all the kids at school seem to have dads and she only has a mom

which isn’t a problem at all it’s just,.,. she wants to know

like her friend hwayoung has a dad!!!

and his name is hwayoung’s dad

that’s all she knows about him

one time all the kids in class were talking about their dads and emma didn’t have anything to say but lucKily she was able to steer the attention away from herself

(“my dad’s a dentist” “mine is a doctor!” “mine is a cee-hee-ho! emma, what does your dad-“ “cee-hee-ho of what?” “…i dunno” “yeah, cee-hee-ho of what?!”)

talking to emma about shownu is a tricky situation

“your dad is a very, very busy... soccer player...?”

you don’t actually know what shownu’s been up to besides the fact that he’s on the national soccer team which is gReat for him but every time you think about that stupid boy you can’t help but revisit the night when he basically told you that you would ruin his entire life if you kept the child-

“how come he never visits?” emma furrows her brows as she tries to twirl spaghetti around her fork

the noodles are too slippery and emma yelps in surprise when some sauce splatters onto her face

“he… the important thing here is that you have mommy, okay?” you smile and reach over to wipe the tomato chunk off her chubby cheek “don’t worry about your dad.”

emma doesn’t know a lot

but she knows enough to not bring it up again

anyways

even though you’re a mother now

that doesn’t necessarily mean that you automatically have your shit together becAUSe-

“shit shit shit shIt shit” you curse to yourself as you vEEr right into the first parking spot you see

you immediately crank the brake and unbuckle your seatbelt

“i was going to park there, asshole!” you hop out of the car to see an angry looking mother glaring at you from her minivan and you give her a sheepish smile

“i’m sorry!!!! my kid just got off from class and i can’t be late because i need to drive her to ballet and-“ you’re definitely oversharing with this stranger and she obviously doesn’t care because she rolls her eyes and flips you off before zoOming off to find another parking spot

soccer moms are so aggressive

you double check that you have everything with you and you fish your parent lanyard out of your backpack and sling it around your neck quickly as you approach the front doors

you thought that once you became a mother you would instantly become more responsible more organised more matuRe

obviously you were mistAken because you’re still late to almost everything you go to

some things never change!!!!

you hurry your way down the hallway and pick up the pace when you see the swarm of parents standing outside the classroom

as you approach the crowd you get up on your tip-toes to see if emma’s been excused yet

you accidentally bump into a couple and a bit of your coffee splashes onto their shoulders and they turn around and give you a dirty look

“oh, sorry!!!! ….fridays, am i right?” you joke and they both scowl before shuffling to stand somewhere else

oof

tough crowd

none of the parents here like u that much

which is a real shame because you think you make greAt company

you’re just,.,, there’s a big age gap between u and most of the parents here

you’re one of the younger parents in the class

actually you might be the youngest

min yoongi and his wife (you forgot her name whoOps) are pretty young but they’re still a couple years older than you

and side note their daughter is adoraBle

emma is actually friends with hwayoung so you talk to yoongi sometimes

it’s nice to talk to someone who’s around your age

he’s just veRy businessman-y so it’s difficult to joke around with him

but he’s still a nice guy!!

speaking of yoongi and hwayoung

a bright smile makes its way onto your face when you see yoongi nudging hwayoung through the crowd of people before grabbing onto her small hand

“yoongi!” yoongi looks up and he smiles politely

he’s still dressed all spic and span in his suit from work

“ah! good afternoon, y/n. hwayoung, say good afternoon to emma’s mom.” he hums before bending down to zip up her backpack that’s just wiDe open

relatable

“good afternoon, emma’s mom!!” she looks up at you with bright eyes

she’s sO CuTE

“hi, hwayoung-ie!” you bend down and pinch her cheek before reaching into the pocket of your coat and fishing out a little caramel “don’t tell your dad,” you joke and yoongi snorts in response

“thank u!!!!!” she snaTches it immediately and you coo before pinching her cheek again

you get back up onto your feet “you guys on your way home now?”

“mhm. is emma still available for a playdate this sunday?” yoongi swoops hwayoung off her feet and props her up onto his hip and she immediately rests her head against his shoulder

“affirmative, sir.” you salute and yoongi rolls his eyes playfully “i-“

“emma y/l/n?” you perk up when you hear emma’s name being called

“yeah, we’ll see you sunday! have a nice night!” you turn to squeeze your way into the crowd and once you make your way to the front your heart immediately starts going boom-boom because

it’s taehyung

emma’s teacher

kim taehyung is uh

whOo

putting it simply he is a very attractive man and he’s only a couple months older than you so like you’re preTTY sure this is god’s way of telling you it’s meant to be

the only time you’ve really talk to him is during the parent-teacher conference and even theN you can barely get a word in because emma’s a little chatterbox (one time she almost let it slip that ‘mommy dressed extra pretty for you!’ and you were literally about to pounce on your child in the middle of a classroom)

he’s really sweet n nice and when he smiles that boxY grin you can’t help but smile aNd he’s endearingly dorky and super charming aND funny and he’s so good with the kids and OH my god his voice is like..,., silky smooth dark chocolate.,,.,. rich caramel.,, that u want to driZZLE all over your BODY

okay no R-rated thoughts when there are children present

don’t be weird

since he’s your kid’s teacher you’re not sure if that’s even allowed

the whole parents dating teachers thing

anyways

he looks so soft today

he’s wearing a crisp button up with a pair of jeans

he obviously let the kids mess with his hair because he has a little sproUT in his hair

and you’re pretty sure you have a glasses kink because you’ve never felt this way when seeing someone with their glasses sitting on the top of their head

“hi, yeah, that’s me- i mean, that’s not me, but that’s my child- you know what i mean” you blow a strand of hair away from your face before adjusting your backpack with a sheepish grin

woW what the hell was that lol  

taehyung presses his lips together to keep himself from bursting into chuckles

you’re so awkward sometimes but he supposes that’s just part of your charm

he wants to tell you you look real cute in your periwinkle sweater

and it’s endearing how the laces on your converse shoes are undone

no doubt from your frantic running down the hallway (he notices everything)

but of course he has to keep it professional because you are the parent of one of his students it doesn’t matTer that you’re the same age as him and that he’s very very very veRY attracted to you

“hi miss y/l/n.” taehyung smiles kindly before ticking next to your name on the clipboard “emma’ll be ready in a minute! we did finger-painting today so the kids are taking a little longer to wash up. how was your day?” he suddenly remembers the little ponYTAIL in his hair and he yanks the hair tie off quickly

“oh, y’know, the usual. it’s not super exciting having to keep studying after four whole years of studying.” you snort before pulling your own hair tie from your ponytail and letting your hair down

“i admire that! education is important.” taehyung hums

your hair looks so soft

it probably smells good too

o god he’s being creepy stop being creepy

“i suppose you’re right. what else happened…uh… had a really good caramel macchiato and a mediocre turkey sandwich for lunch-“  

“mommy!” you snap out of your little trance when emma suddenly ziPs out of the classroom

her little backpack bounces against her back

“hi baby!” you grin and swoOp down to scoop her up into your arms

you smoosh kisses against her chubby cheek while she giggles away before you plop her back down onto the ground

it takes everything within taehyung not to mELT into the ground because even tho he sees you do that basically every day it never fails to turn him into a pile of mush IT’S SO CUTE

“we finger-painted today!” she cheers and holds her paper up for you to look at

“yeah, mr kim was just telling me-“

“that’s me, n that’s you, n that’s mr. kim!” she grins and points to the third figure in the painting and almost immediately bOTH yours and tae’s faces go bright red

you think you might actually be on fire right now (even tho this isn’t the first time this has hAPPENeD) ((ur referring to the time the class made play-doh people and emma made one of you and one of tae and the play-doh versions of you two are holding hands))

“oh! that’s, heh, uh, that’s nice! that’s so good, you did a good job, baby” you clear your throat and your eyes flicker over to taehyung

he tilts his head and offers you a meek smile

“will you put it up on the fridge when we go home?” she asks as you tuck it into her backpack for her before ziPping her bag up

“mhm…” you get back up onto your feet and dust your knees off “say g’bye to mr. kim”

“bye mr. kim!” emma turns around and hugs his legs

her face is like on the same level as his knees so he’s basically kneeing her and are u an awful mother if you kinda laughed at that

“goodbye, sweetheart!” he replies with the same level of enthusiasm as he gets down onto his knees so that he can give her a proper hug and she gives him a sweet lil kiss on the cheek “have a nice weekend, hm?” his eyes flicker up to you and you feel your heart skip a beat

emma pulls away from him and skips over to you “oh, and don’t forget to tie your laces, emma.” taehyung hums as he gets back up onto his feet

you look down because you remember putting emma in slip-on converse this morning not-

“he means you, mama.” emma not-so-subtly whispers and you look down at your undone laces before looking back up at taehyung who’s looking very amused at the moment

there it is again

that fuzzy feeling in your stuPid heart

u know what

you have to get over it because it’s never going to happen

you’re an adult

you can get over it fine you’ll be finE

this is just a silly little crush

“how do you feel about spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner?” you clutch emma’s little hand in yours as you guys make your way down the empty hallway

look

spaghetti is the only thing you’re actually reaLLy good at making okAY

obviously you feed your child other things,,,.., she likes kimchi fried rice with chunks of spam,,.,. a refreshing greek salad,,.. peanut butter (beanut putter) and jelly sandwiches,.,., sometimes a little fruit salad,,.,.

“yummy! with extra cheese?”

“it wouldn’t be as yummy without the extra cheese… but we obviously have to go to our usual place to get a hot chocolate first…” you’re rambling on and on about hot chocolate but emma isn’t really paying attention

because she has concocted a sneaky plan in that tiny brain of hers

she knows you like mr. kim

and she’s positive mr. kim likes you back

you always get so red around him

and he always gets so red around you

and red is the colour of love

which means that you must love mr. kim and mr. kim must love you

and she’s been trying her hardest to try and get you guys to hold hands or touch butts or whatever it is grown-ups do to prove they love each other

but each time she does something she’s never successful!!!

she tried to tell mr. kim about you dressing extra pretty for him but you smacked a hand over her mouth before she could get it out

she made a play-doh mommy and a play-doh mr. kim and presented them proudly to you and mr. kim and the both of you just laUGHED in hER FACE

do you people think she’s just a SIMPLE F O O L

and she has to admit the painting of you and her and mr. kim is probably one of her weaker moves but it’s better than nothing

and u know what

she just wants you to be happy

because she loves you a lot

and you’re a good mommy

and good mommies deserve to be happy

and from what she knows

mommies need daddies (sometimes mommies can be with other mommies!!!)

but yOU, specifically

you need a daddy

and mr. kim is the perfect fit!!! she likes mr. kim a lot

he’s always really nice to her and he lets her braid his hair and he gives her candies and kisses her cheeks

SO

this next part is all part of her evil plan and she’s positive that this time something will happen

all of her peers (including herself) have their own cubbies in the classroom

emma purposely left her snack box in there so that you’d have a reason to go back

AND she left a little note in there for you and (hopefully) mr. kim to read

emma is your child after all

meaning she’s a very verY clever girl

she just has to wait for the right time.,.,.

and the right time is noW

“mommy, my snack box is still in the classroom!!” emma stops in her tracks and you nod before pointing to the direction of the classroom

“go ahead, go get it”

“but i need to pee.” she squeezes her legs together and makes a face of discomfort “you need to get the snack box, mommy”

“i-“ you look back at the closed door of the classroom “mommy can wait for you to finish peeing and then you can go-“

“no, no, you need to go get it i need to pEE” the next thing you know she’s spRInting towards the washroom and you’re left standing in the middle of the hallway with question marks floating around your head

what in the hickory ham is going on

“gO GET MY SNACK BOX MOMMY” you hear her voice echo from the washroom

“alRIght alright” you snort before turning and heading back to the classroom

you don’t know why you’re suddenly so nervous

you’re retrieving your daughter’s snack box from her super attractive teacher that you definitely have a crush on there’s nothing to be nervous about

hi tae! emma left the ol’ snack box up in here!

whaddup mr. kim! mind if i just pOP right in??

yo Yo yOOoo have u seen a purple box anywhere?? because it belongs to emma and i need it

o god

all of these options are terrible

you need more time to rehearse your lines-

you’re about to reach up to knock on the door when suddenly it swiNgs right open and you stumble back in surprise

“oh shit!” taehyung reaches out and grabs onto your waist before you can fall flat on your aSS and you let out a squeak

in the midst of your almost-fall you’d grabbed onto his bicep and now.,.., he has an arm…, wrapped around your waist.,., while you have one hand on his bicep and one hand curled around the nape of his neck.,,,..,.,

the two of you snap out of your respective trances when you hear a door open down the hallway and you immediately leT GO of each other

also tae was right ur hair does smell really nice

“hi. sorry about that! i was on my way to the washroom and i didn’t know you were outside…” he clears his throat and prays to god he’s not as red as a tomato right now

“no, no! it was my bad, i’m sorry.” you reach up and scratch the back of your neck “i, uh, emma said she left her snack box in here.” you breathe out

“oh, uh, come in! i’ll help you search for it. it’s probably in her cubby. she’s always leaving things in there.” taehyung falls back into his ‘mr. kim’ persona as he leads you towards the cubbies in the back “let’s see… emma… here~” he bends down and you follow suit

oh my go d he even smells good is this aLLOWed

you perk up when you spot emma’s box

“hey, you’re right! here it is-“ you reach in and grab the box but you’re surprise when you notice the piece of paper stuck to the back of it

it’s an A4 piece of paper with a little card stuck to it and a note written in crayon on it

you recognise the card

it’s the business card of that little cafe you take emma to every friday after school

the one that you’re supposed to take her to right noW

‘mommy’s faveriate drink is karomal makkiatoe and mr. kim’s faverieote drink is hot chalklate’

“huh.” both you and tae are kinda just staring at the note

the gears are click-click-clicking away in both your guys’ heads

and then it hits the both of you at the same time

oh.

oh.

taehyung isn’t typically a ballsy guy but like

he’s feeling vEry brave all of a sudden

“can i take you out sometime?” he blurts out and your eyes widen in surprise

oh

well

you certainly weren’t expecting that

the both of you get back up onto your feet and you tuck emma’s box into your backpack

your cheeks flare up and you let out a little chuckle before scratching the back of your neck “i… uh…”

“i mean, don’t feel pressured to say yes just because i’m emma’s teacher!” taehyung stammers “i just, y’know, i don’t want to overstep here but i think you’re a very beautiful woman and-“

“i would love to.” you clear your throat and take your bottom lip in between your teeth “yeah, i would love to. actually, uh- emma and i, we usually go to this cafe every friday - if you’re free right now, maybe you can come and join us?” you rub your slighTLy damp hands on the back of your jeans and taehyung immediately lightS up and nods quickly

“i would love that. yeah, just… just gimme a second to clean up real quick! i’ll meet you and emma outside?”

“great! yeah, totally. she’s just.. she’s peeing right now so i should probably go check and see that she hasn’t flushed herself down the toilet or anything” you joke as you make your way towards the door and tae splits off to head to his desk “i’ll see you outside!”

you shut the door behind you and you have to quickly press yourself against the wall and you nearly bite your bottom lip off to keep yourself from screaming

your heart is going a million miles an hour and there are butterflies just having a raVE in your stomach

as soon as you leave the room taehyung pumps a fiST into the air in victory because Y E S  HE DID IT

“did you find my box?” emma’s sitting outside the washroom as you approach her and you raise a brow before nodding

“mhm.” she gets up and grabs onto your hand before looking back at the classroom door

huh

did her plan not work

she knows she’s not supposed to say bad words but what the h*ck

she really thought her plan would work!!!!

“mr. kim’s joining us for hot chocolate today, by the way. hope you don’t mind.”  you add casually and a cheshire-cat grin takes over emma’s face

the whole time you and emma and tae are at the cafe emma can’t help but feel proud of herself

you and mr. kim are sitting very vEry close to each other in your booth chatting away while she sits opposite of you two quietly nibbling at a scone and taking small sips of her hot chocolate

S U C C E S S has never tasted so good

luckily enough emma’s ballet class was cancelled today and you secretly thank the gods above because you’re having a really nice time with taehyung and it would have been a big ol bummer to have to leave early

he’s so sweet and considerate and he’s a really good listener

and he’s sO funny and super dorky in the best way possible

“oh my gosh, don’t even get me started on nap time. i love watching the kids sleep!” he pauses and his eyes widen “i promise i wasn’t trying to make that as creepy as it came out… they’re just so cute when they sleep!!! …okay, yeah, that still sounded creepy.”

you’re having so much fun with tae you’ve barely paid any attention to emma which is totally fine to her because she wanTs you and mr. kim to talk more

it’s just

emma gets pretty sleepy after a good snack or meal

sometimes she falls asleep halfway through eating (she used to do that a lot when she was a baby) ((one time she fell face flat into a bowl of mushy peas))

and the blueberry scone paired with the hot chocolate.,., that was a good snack,,..,

“oh my gosh, look at the time-“ your eyes widen when you realise it’s literally almost seven o’clock

you turn to look at emma and immediately stifle a laugh when you realize what’s happened

she fell asleep

her mouth is agape and there are a couple crumbs dusting her bottom lip

she only finished half her scone and she’s griPPing the other half in her tiny hand

you scrunch your nose and turn back to face tae “em and i should probably head home…”

it sucks because it’s still pretty early and u really really wanna keep hanging out with tae but,,.,.

“yeah, don’t worry about it!” tae nods understandingly and dusts his hands off before sliding out of the booth “i’ll help carry her to the car.”

“thank you for treating us to the hot chocolates and scones, by the way.” you hold the door open for tae as he steps outside with emma in his arms

she has her arms wrapped around his neck and her chin propped up on his shoulder

she still has a death grip on that scone

“of course! don’t worry about it.” taehyung hums and follows you to your car parked all the way at the end of the parking lot “by the way - did emma get you to sign the parental form for the trip to the aquarium?”

“she woke me up this morning by shaking it in my face.” you laugh lightly and open the door for tae “i’ll sign it tonight so she can hand it in tomorrow. oh, the car seat’s a little tricky so you can just plop emma in it and i’ll take care of the-“

click

clack

zip

snap

taehyung buckles emma in eaSILy and you’re genuinely taken aback by how quickly he did that

usually it takes you like five minutes to attach the one on her chest

and uh,,.., you’re pretty sure watching him being able to smoothly operate a child’s car seat isn’t supposed to be hot,.,. but dat shit was kinda hot

“sorry about that. what were you saying?” taehyung pulls away and closes the car door shut gently

“uh,.., i was just talking about that aquarium field trip form.” you clear your throat and resist the urge to fan your face

“ah, right! i’ve been meaning to ask - would you maybe be interested in being a chaperone for that field trip? we already have a couple parents who have signed up, but,.., i don’t know, i thought maybe it’d be fun to,.,”

okay taehyung has no idea how to word this

he just wants u to be a chaperone as a sneaky excuse to spend more time with you lol

“emma actually tricked me into signing up to become a chaperone, so unfortunately, you will be stuck with me for like six hours straight.” you smile and punch tae’s arm lightly

“sounds like a rough time but i’m sure i’ll be able to soldier through it.” he teases and raises a perfectly arched brow

a moment of silence goes by and all that can be heard is the slight buzzing from the cafe’s neon OPEN sign along with the faint chirping of crickets

“so, miss y/l/n.” tae clears his throat “can i put you down in charge of sandwiches and juice boxes?”

“sounds good, mr. kim.” you playfully resort back to your proFesSional names and you both stand up a little straighter before bursting into giggles

you don’t know what it is

maybe it’s because tae’s the first guy in a while you actually genuinely romantically like

maybe it’s because it makes you happy knowing that emma adores him and he adores emma

maybe it’s because within a couple of hours he’s successfully wormed his way into your heart because he’s so warm and kind and caring

but you have an overwhelming urge to just-

ᵖᵉᵏ

you surprise yourself when you lean in to plant a tiny kiss on taehyung’s cheek

his eyes widen and his cheeks flush in surprise

he reaches up to adjust his square-framed glasses before letting out a small chuckle “i look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning, miss y/l/n.”

taehyung drives home that night with a megawatt smile on his face

anyone who passed by probably thought he was a maniac but he doesn’t care!!!!!!!

you kissed him on the cheek!!!!!!

he’s a maniac in love!!!!!!!!

you’re not any better

once you park the car in the driveway you let out a breath and then a little squeal and punch the horn compLetely forgetting that emma was still snoozing away in the back

emma peels one eye open to look at you and you lock gazes in the mirror

she immediately squeezes her eyes shut

you turn around and gawk at her “how long have you been awake for?”

“long enough 2 know dat u kissed mr kim on the cheek” she replies with her eyes still shut

goD

she really is a sneaky little bugger

“come on, mama - let’s go see your boyfriend!!!!” emma drags you down the hallway and you nearly stumble over your feet

“he’s not- mr kim is noT mommy’s boyfriend-“

“okay.,,.” emma pauses for a split second before her face lights up again “let’s go see your daddy!!!”

you choke

“that’s nOT ANY BETTER-“

surprisingly enough you made it a liTTle bit before eight o’clock when usually you always buSt in through the doors at like 8:05

the other parents are dropping their kids off for the day and it’s safe to say that this is the first time you’ve seen yoongi in the morning

he has a little bit of bedhead but

his tie is nice and neat as per usual

“good morning, yoongi! morning, hwayoung!!” you chirp and offer him a smile before reaching down to pat hwayoung’s head

“morning, y/n. morning, emma.” he smiles back at you before turning his head and letting out a small yawn

“good morning, hwayoung n hwayoung’s dad!!!” emma grins and bounces up and down on her feet

“morning, emma n emma’s mama.” hwayoung hums sleepily and reaches up to rub at her eyes whilst leaning against yoongi

huh

like father like daughter

“min hwayoung?”

you turn your head when you hear tae’s rich baritone voice

somehow it’s even 𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 in the morning

“alright, in you go. i’ll see you after school, chunky monkey.” yoongi bends down and gives hwayoung a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before she’s scurrying off to the classroom. “goodbye, y/n. i’ll see you after school as well.” he pats your arm and you laugh lightly before saying goodbye and moving aside to let him through

“emma y/l/n?”

you’re about to sWEep emma up and smoosh kisses all over her face then say goodbye but she grabs your hand and vEry aggressively drags you through the crowd of parents and her peers “emma, what are you-“

“good morning, mr. kim!” emma greets brightly and taehyung looks surprised to see you here because usually he just sees the kid in the morning and not the kid’s parent

“ah, good morning, emma! morning, miss y/l/n.” he smiles shyly before ticking next to emma’s name

“good morning, mr. kim…” you trail off and reach up to scratch the back of your neck

it’s probably because u don’t have any coffee in your system yet but you can’t think of anything else to say

and for a second taehyung forgets that he’s literally in the middle of his job and he has like ten other kids to take care of

“mama, don’t you have something for mr. kim?” emma tugs on your hand and you look down at her before furrowing your brows and shaking your head

“no, i do-“

“yes, you do!” she moves behind you and unZips the front pocket of your backpack and you let out a sQuawk when she yanks you down slightly “here!” emma pulls a shiny red apple out of your bag and hands it to you

you take it from her and raise a brow “i didn’t-“

“you packed this this morning, remember? to give to mr. kim?” she blinks and squeezes her eyes shut before opening them as wide as possible

.,,.is she trying to wink at you?

you’re going to have to teach her how to wink proper- oHHHHHh

“right! i… did! i did pack- here you go, tae- mr. kim.” you smile sheepishly and hand him the red apple

goD

now you feel like a tiny little teacher’s pet because none of the other parents ever bring tae apples and apparently you bring him apples now!!!

“thank you!” taehyung laughs lightly “that’s very sweet of you, miss y/l/n.”

you feel like your entire face is redder than the damn apple “uh, anyWays! em, i will see you later.” you pat the top of her head before nudging her into the room

“bye, mama!”

you glance back at tae “and i will also.,., see u later.,.”

woWie

what an interesting start to the day

“i don’t know how she managed to sneak an apple into my backpack without me noticing.” you slam the car door shut and jin laughs a little and shuts his door

you fling your backpack over your shoulder and jin hands you the takeaway cup of hot chocolate

sometimes you pick jin up from his place after you drop emma off at school just because it’s on the way and jin says he would rather dunk himself in boiling water than go on public transport at 8:30 in the morning

he makes it up to you by paying for the starbucks drivethru drinks

“she’s probably picking it up from me. i am super smooth, after all”

you snort immediately “oh, right, like that one time you- shit!”

“okay firSt of all i would NEVER defecate in public-“

“no, i’m not talking about you, you weirdo!” you scowl before unlocking your car and opening up the passenger seat door “emma left her lunch bag in here…”

jin checks the time on his watch “if you go back and drop it off you’ll only be… twenty-ish minutes late to class? don’t worry, i’ll catch you up on anything that’s important.”

“thAnk you so much you beautiful man-“

seokin gasps and purses his lips “so you ADMIT it you think i’m-“

“oh my god not noW-“ you hop into the driver’s seat and fling your backpack to the front seat before shoving the key into the ignition

you bought one of those fancy sandwich cutters and emma’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich is shaped like a butterfly today and you’ll be daMNed if she doesn’t get a chance to show it off to her classmates

you parked the car hastily so it’s kind of crooked but it’s fiNE

your sneakers squeak against the linoleum as you make your way down the familiar hallway

and you heaR the chorus of kids singing coming from tae’s classroom

you even hear tae singing along

“five little ducks went out one day, over the hill and far away, mother duck said quack quack quack quack, but only four little ducks came back-“

you peek into the room a little and giggle lightly when you see tae wiggling his arms and shaking his butt like a little duckling

how precious!!!!!!!

:’-)

u hate to interrupt the fun morning song but you really gotta get the heCk out of here and go back to class

you already hate that you might be missing 20 minutes of class so you’re trying to minimiZe those minutes as much as possible  

you give the bright red door a couple knocks and shoot everyone a sheepish smile when the entire class and tae turn to look at who’s at the door

taehyung tells the kids to busy themselves with the duck song before he excuses himself

“hey!” he steps out of the room and shuts the door behind him “what’s up?”

“hey… emma left her lunch bag in the car so i figured i’d drive back and drop it off so it doesn’t look like i’m a negligent mother.” you joke before holding it out for him to take

“the girl loves her beanut putter sandwiches, doesn’t she?” taehyung takes the bag from you and shakes it gently

he only knows that because she has it for lunch like every day and she’s always showing it off to her friends because ‘my mommy cuts mY sandwiches into hearts because she loves me!!!!!!!!!’

“i keep telling her it’s peanut butter and not beanut putter… i think she knows the difference but she’s just doing it because she’s a little joker.” you snort and look down at the takeaway cup in your hand

you feel bad for interrupting the class so- “oh, before i forget! i brought a hot chocolate for you. it’s from starbucks so you know it haS to be good-“

“first an apple, then a starbucks hot chocolate?” taehyung beams and takes it from you “if i didn’t know any better, it’d seem like you were buttering me up or something…”

“ah, was it really that obvious?” you tease back

a beat of silence goes by

the both of you are now fully aware that there is a mutual attraction here

the unfortunate thing is that you’re both still big ol wuSSIes

taehyung wants to ask you out on a proper date.,.,. which he did yesterday!! but then you kinD of asked him if he wanted to join you and em for hot cocoa and scones??

and he kinda wants to take you out on a date that perhaps doEsn’t include emma.,,. no offence to her, of course!

he just wants some alone time with u

“so… yesterday was nice!”

almost instantly your cheeks flush and you let out a light laugh “yeah, it really was…”

well

he has you alone

so he might as well go for it agaIN

taehyung clears his throat “hey, so… i don’t know if it wasn’t clear yesterday, but i… would you want to go out on a date with me? like, a proper one?”

“you mean yesterday wasn’t a proper date?” your brows knit together and taehyung automatically enters pANIC mode

“n-no, not at all! i kinda meant l-like, ah, i don’t know, maybe this isn’t a good-“

“tae-“ you reach over and pinch his arm gently “i’m kidding. i would… love to go out on a proper date with you.”

taehyung lights up immediately and nods quickly “how does tonight sound? i overheard emma and hwayoung talking about their sleepover tonight, but if you’re busy we can totally find another time to-“

“tonight’s fine! tonight’s good.” you nod and smile at him

taehyung’s heart skips a beat

he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous and stuttery around you  

“i can come pick you up at your place since i know where you live-“ oH gOd okay reel it back “-bECAUSE it’s on the registry-“

“sounds good! you can text me what the plans are after class today so that i’ll know what to wear-“  

ᵖᵉᵏ

your lashes flutter when taehyung leans forward and kisses your cheek just like you did to him last night

you unintentionally let out a little gasp and reach up to brush your fingers over your reddening cheek “mr. kim! keep it professional…” there’s a playful glint behind your eyes and taehyung can’t help but snort and roll his eyes playfully “besides - it looks like we have an audience.”

he glances over his shoulder and sure enough all the kids are squiShed up against the window in the door to sneak a peek at mr. kim and emma’s mom

“…scATTER-!“ you hear emma and you can’t help but laugh at the sight of the kids panicking and heading back to their spots

you open your mouth to speak

and then it happens

“mr. kim and emma’s mom, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-s,,,,..,,e?,,.i…a!!! i..?” the song trails off into unsure mumbles because none of the kids know how to spell kissing yet and you let out a groan and reach up to cover your face

taehyung stifles a laugh and shakes his head

“i think that’s my cue to leave” you kiss your teeth and point towards the hallway

“you’re going to leave me here to face the merciless teasing of all those kids by myself?!” taehyung gawks at you before turning to look into the classroom where all the kids are huddled by the whiteboard trying to figure out how to spell kissing as if it was some biG ol conspiracy theory

so far they have ‘khisign’ and ‘keccing’ and.,., one kid wrote down ‘kitten’

??

huh

maybe he should replace morning singing with morning spelling from now on  

“i’ll make it up to you, mr. kim!” you’re already hALfway down the hall and taehyung’s heart goes bAbumP when you blow him a kiss

“i’m holding you to that promise, miss y/l/n!”

ah, yes.

to be young and in love.

[generallynerdy]

Delinquents (Peter Parker X Reader)

ENDGAME SPOILERS - DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU

Summary: The first halfway decent guy in the galaxy (Y/N) has met happens to be a disaster of a human being, Peter Parker. Unfortunately, both of their guardians are more than a little protective of them.

Requested by & Anon: Can you write a Peter Parker x reader where they meet in the final battle in Endgame and she’s, like, Captain Marvel’s sidekick/second-in-command, so Carol is protective of her?

Key: (Y/N) - your name, (L/N) - last name Warnings: mentioned kidnapping, mentioned memory loss, mentioned forced military service, battles, injuries, stitches, injuries being stitched, cursing definitely Word Count: 2,135

Note: i...had too much fun with this. Pls give me more carol and tony and peter and

    “So...they decided to find the stones and bring back past Thanos-- all without telling you?” (Y/N) questioned.

    Her mentor, Carol Danvers, sighed. “Yep, that’s about it.”

    Their conversation seemed relaxed, but the two were soaring through space in modified Kree uniforms, decorated in red, blue, and gold. Carol used the suit’s built in helmet only to communicate with (Y/N), who had to have her suit fully on for space travel.

Unlike Carol, (Y/N) had no special powers. She was simply a well-trained human being that had been taken by the Kree after she had a run-in with Skrulls. She couldn’t remember a thing of her old life, much like Carol had experienced a while back. When they met, Carol couldn’t help taking the girl under her wing.

So, there they were, mentor and apprentice, racing to the aid of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

“Approaching the compound,” Carol said suddenly. “Get your gear ready, kiddo.”

    “I thought I was First Lieutenant,” (Y/N) teased.

    Carol snorted. “That’s Monica. You’re Second Lieutenant and you know it.” They shared a laugh before she went serious. “I’ll take down the ship, you find the other Captain and see what you can do.”

    “Yes, ma’am,” she said instantly.

    They approached the compound sight and zoomed into the fight. Carol went for the ship, as she said, while (Y/N) flew down, using suit modifications that had been made for her, and looked for Captain Rogers.

    “Danvers, we could use the assist,” a man said.

She spotted the man of red, white, and blue and landed in front of him, knowing instantly that she was in the right place.

    “Captain Rogers?” (Y/N) asked, standing tall with her shoulders back.

    “Yeah,” he said with a tilt of his head. “Who’s asking?”

    “First Lieutenant (Y/N) (L/N), sir,” she replied, giving a good and proper salute. “Captain Danvers has me at your service.”

    He blinked a few times before smiling a little. “Good to meet you, Lieutenant. You’re a little young, huh?”

    “I was a Lieutenant with the Kree,” she shrugged. “It’s just kind of an in-joke now, since Carol saved me. Anyway, how can I be of help?”

    Rogers nodded and gestured down the field. “One of ours is carrying the stones.We gotta get them safely to an ugly brown van farther that way and send ‘em back to the right year.”

    “Got it,” (Y/N) nodded before pressing a hand to her wrist. “Captain, you got that?”

    “Loud and clear,” Carol replied over the comms. “Does their carrier happen to be a kid with a mess of brown hair?”

    Rogers snorted a little. “That’s him.”

    “That’s him. I’m on my way.”

    With that, (Y/N) flew off again, wind whipping through her hair as she did. She observed the ground below her as she soared, searching for the kid with messy hair, as Carol had described. She saw him a good distance from the central force of the battle, but he was headed right toward it, as he was supposed to. As she descended to meet him, she watched him get knocked off his feet and fall into the dirt.

    “You okay?” (Y/N) asked, rushing over and reaching out a hand to help pull him up.

    When he was on his feet again, he nodded slightly, looking at her with slight wonder in his eyes. “Yeah-- yeah, I’m good.”

    “I’m (Y/N),” she introduced. As soon as she did, Carol landed next to her with a rumble of the ground. “She’s Carol.”

    The boy fumbled for words. “I’m, uh, I’m Peter-- Peter Parker.”

    “Hi, Peter Parker,” Carol grinned dorkily. “You got something for us?”

    Peter almost shyly passed her the new gauntlet with the stones in it before glancing over at the masses of aliens headed right for them. “Dunno how you’re gonna get it through there alone.”

    “Don’t worry,” said a voice. “She’s not.”

    Both Peter and (Y/N) were in awe when an entire troop of badass women joined them, weapons tightly in their hands, if they had any. Despite this near army of reinforcements, Carol frowned and looked to her second-in-command.

    “C’mon,” she said. “I need back-up.”

    (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and glanced at the other women pointedly, but was ignored when Carol took her arm and dragged her forward. Without another word, they were thrown into the battle, barely given a moment to breathe, much less speak.

    “Really!?” (Y/N) shouted to her as they flew through the crowds, taking a shot now and then. “The first normal looking, half decent guy we meet and you get protective now?”

    “Shut up, Lieutenant, and focus on not dying!”

    (Y/N) sighed. “I hate you.”

    Carol scoffed, gauntlet tight in her arms. “Please,” she said. “You love me.”

    Post Endgame, as Dr Strange had become fond of calling it, Carol instructed (Y/N) to head to the medbay and take care of herself, seeing as she’d been pretty beat up in the battle. But who wasn’t, to be frank?

    After a close call with Tony, everyone was shaken. Carol and (Y/N) had barely put together a makeshift device using his suit’s built-in nano technology and their own old Kree rigs on their suits to heal his arm. He’d almost died in his wife’s arms. Luckily, the two were too quick for that.

    Peter was particularly shaken by Tony’s near death. When the man gasped for breath for the first time in a good minute, the boy instantly hugged the life out of (Y/N), thanking her through sobs.

    Seeing as the compound had been destroyed, there was an emergency aid center set up in the remnants of the battlefield. Those who weren’t as badly hurt could travel home with the help of the wizards. Some of the closer members of the Avengers travelled to the new temporary Avengers base-- which was actually old. Avengers Tower was back in business.

    (Y/N) sauntered into the medbay with minor injuries, glancing into recovery rooms as she passed them. Most of them were full of patients who had needed emergency attention, but in the fifth room down, she found a very different person there.

    Peter Parker glanced at her briefly, but drew his attention back to the needle in his hand. He was attempting to stitch up a head wound by himself, using only a mirror on a metal tray by his recovery bed. He was failing miserably. When he missed his mark and gasped in pain, (Y/N) stepped into the room.

    “Let me help,” she said, approaching.

    Without letting him protest, though he seemed too tired to do so, she took the needle and began to stitch himself up herself. Peter had to look up at an odd angle to let her reach his cut, but it gave him the perfect view of (Y/N)’s face as she worked; furrowed eyebrows, bitten lip. She was entirely focused on him.

    He had barely muttered a thanks before the work was halfway done.

    “So, Peter Parker,” (Y/N) hummed as she continued, “What’s your story?”

    “I don’t-- I don’t really have one,” he muttered.

    The girl chuckled. “I doubt that. Everybody has a story.”

    “Well...I was bitten by a radioactive spider. So I have super strength and can stick to walls.” He told his story as bluntly as he could. “I made a webbing solution and a costume and became Spider-Man, I guess. Then, Mr. Stark made me a suit and let me join the Avengers-- more or less.”

    (Y/N) stopped for a second, processing his tale. “Huh,” she said. “I thought I was weird.”

    “Yeah?” He asked with a small smile. “What’s, uh, what’s your story?”

    “I ran into these aliens when I was little,” she started. “The Skrull. The Kree fought them off and couldn’t wipe my memories of them, so they kidnapped me and turned me into a soldier. I got to First Lieutenant before Carol found me and freed me. I’ve been with her ever since, ‘cause I can’t remember my life on Earth.”

    “Wow,” Peter whispered, grimacing slightly as the stitches stung him. “That’s…”

    (Y/N) laughed. “Crazy, I know.”

    “Not that crazy,” he said in an attempt to make her feel better. “We just beat up a humanoid plum with a bunch of wizards and superheroes.”

    She burst into giggles at that, as did he. Her laughter only egged him on and by the time his stitches were in, (Y/N) was red in the face from laughing. This Peter kid was pretty hilarious and he thought she was great. Nobody ever thought he was that funny.

    “You’re pretty cool,” he muttered as she went to clean up around his now fully stitched cut. “For somebody who was a soldier in an alien army.”

    (Y/N) grinned and shook her head, wiping at his forehead with a damp cloth. “And you’re pretty cool for a high school boy.”

    She took the cloth and went to put it away, turning away from Peter. He took a deep breath and bit his lip, probably about to regret what he was going to say. That said, he was gonna do it anyway.

    “So, uh, I know this probably the worst time ever,” he said. “But do you wanna get something to eat sometime? With me? I dunno, maybe downtown or something or--”

    “I’m not exactly familiar with Earth customs anymore,” she interrupted, smiling to herself before turning back around. “But are you asking me on a date?”

    Peter swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, if you want to…”

    (Y/N) gave him a big smile, unable to keep it back at his nervous demeanor. “I’d like that.”

    “You-- you would? Really?”

    “Definitely,” she nodded. “But I’ll have to escape Carol first. She’s...really protective.”

    He laughed a little, nerves finally starting to wear off. “Tell me about it,” he agreed. “I think Mr. Stark would lock me in my room for the rest of my life if he could.”

    “Speak of the devil…” (Y/N) suddenly whispered.

    They could hear shouting down the hall. From the entrance of the medbay, echoes of two distinct voices reached their ears; one of a very pissy Captain and a less-than-pleased genius. Their parents were essentially arguing. What they didn’t realise was that each of their kids was listening in.

    “You keep your Spiderling away from my kid,” Carol huffed.

    Tony sputtered. “Yeah, well, keep your space soldier away from my kid.”

    “Did you hear that?” Peter gasped, drawing (Y/N)’s attention to him. “He called me his kid!”

    She grinned at his pure reaction before glancing out in the hall. She saw them in power stances, completely focused on each other. Smiling to herself, she shrunk back into the recovery room and looked over at her companion.

    “Maybe we should go on that date right now,” she suggested.

    Peter stammered. “Wh-- what? Like right-- Like right now? Right now?”

    “Yeah,” (Y/N) laughed. “Before they inevitably separate us for who knows how long. You in?”

    “Oh, I’m definitely in,” he said with a shy smile.

    She grinned proudly. “Good, ‘cause I have a terrible, terrible idea. But it’s gonna be hilarious in, like, 5 years.”

    “You know what?” Carol huffed. “I’m gonna go get my ‘space soldier’ and we’re gonna leave.”

    “Good!” Tony exclaimed as she began to walk away from him and toward the recovery rooms. “Good riddance! You keep her away from my kid, you hear? He’s been traumatized by aliens enough!”

    Carol scoffed and shouted back. “She’s human, genius!” She turned away to look into the recovery room and grab her kid, but realised it was empty. “Shit.”

    Tony walked up at her lack of argument and looked into the room, having the same realisation. “If she took my boy, I swear to god--!”

    “WOOHOO!”

    Both heroes whipped around at the exclamation, staring out the massive windows in the tower to see their two wards having the time of the lives. Peter was fully clothed in his Spider-Man gear and had a string of web attached to (Y/N)’s feet as she used her formerly Kree space suit to fly down the street. She pulled him along, laughing her ass off at his mutual amusement.

    Meanwhile, their guardians were fuming.

    “PETER PARKER, YOU JUVENILE DELINQUENT--!”

    “YOU ARE SO GROUNDED, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

    But she and Peter ignored their exclamations.

    “Where to, Spider-Man?” She shouted down at him, a silly grin on her face.

    He laughed, though it was muffled by the heavy wind. “I know a great shawarma place downtown!”

    “What’s shawarma?” (Y/N) asked, tilting her head.

    “You haven’t had shawarma!?” Peter gasped, almost offended before laughing loudly. “Oh, we are gonna have so much fun!”

Masterlist

[decalexas]

If you don't mind me asking, is being in an LDR hard? I'm talking to a girl on here and I'm worried about catching feelings because LDR just seems so impossible.

Hey there! Before I get too much further, I do wanna say that this is 1) A very young relationship, so I don’t have the long-term perspective someone who has been in an LDR for over a year would have and 2) this is my first Relationship At All, let alone first LDR, so I don’t have a way to compare it with a relationship with someone who lives closer. 

Read more because personal feelings + probably gonna get long. 

To answer your question directly: My perspective is that it doesn’t seem more or less hard than if I was seeing someone who lived closer to me. However, aspects might be harder (or just plain different!) than dating someone local. This is also gonna depend on you and the other person -- all people are different, therefore all relationships are different. I’ll start with my experience of things that are maybe a little hard, and then talk about the good things too! 

These are the things I struggled with:

1) Not meeting in person right away doesn’t let you get a sense of attraction right away. This was hard for me, because I can be insecure, so waiting to find out if SHE liked ME like that was really nerve-wracking. Girlfriend was very patient with me and sweet about this. I also had great advice about from a friend who is in a relationship that started out in an LDR--basically “It’s fair to worry about that, but y’all have already connected so much that by the time you meet in person it’ll probably be 🔥🔥🔥.” (She was right-- this turned out to not at all be a problem.)

2) Not being able to touch the other person IS the worst. This sucks for a variety of reasons-- obvious ones like “wow i wanna fucking KISS HER right nOW”, but also because it’s difficult when you wanna offer comfort or if YOU are the one feeling down, and you can’t even cuddle. Which leads to....

3) In MY experience: you have to Talk About everything. I am a known feelings lesbian and talk about them all the time. I ambush people with We Need To Talk About ____ & they hate it. And the amount of TALKING You have to do in an LDR still drives me nuts because sometimes there’s no amount of words that can do what one kiss or one good hug or oor one good “I made you tea and I’m just gonna set it by your elbow so you know I’m Here” can do.  

4) Saying goodbye when you DO get to visit fucking sucks and there will probably be crying. 

5) It DOES feel weird sometimes to tell people you’re dating someone who lives.... across the country. Who you haven’t met yet. Because you met them online. just put these feelings to the side-- who cares what other people think? 

And despite all that, I’m in an LDR! Because the feelings are just as real as they would be if we had met in person, and for me the good outweighs the hard. The GOOD things include: 

1) When you meet in person it is so scary and so exciting, but it’s like you’re able to meet this person you’ve already got Big Feelings for all over again, and that is VERY special and hard to describe. Like you put this Real Physical Person together with This Person You Talk To And Can’t Touch But Already Care About. and it’s like. “Oh, you walk like that. Oh, you sit like that. Oh, you do this thing with your hands when you’re nervous.” It’s just special to get to fall for the person you love TWICE. 

2) You have to talk about everything. This is a pro AND a con. This is challenging but allows for a lot of growth and honesty if you’re willing to meet that challenge. A huge thing here is you have to trust yourself AND the other person. Trust them that they mean it when they say they have feelings for you, or think you’re attractive, or whatever their response to an insecurity of yours is. And trust YOURSELF! about your feelings, about your ability to manage it. about your ability to handle things when it gets hard. 

3) Care packages from girlfriend are the best!!!!!!!!! lots of room for sappiness and feelings and being creative in how you express your feelings, and it’s just EXCITING. 

4) With social media and communication technology it’s generally easy to stay connected with someone you really care about. Girlfriend and I facetime all the time, we can watch movies together, we can stream music together on Spotify. There are still times (all the time tbh) when I’m like “god i wish you were just HERE” but you find the things that make it easier. 

The fact of the matter is that we live in a world that is more globally connected than at any other time ever.  (in general -- coronavirus has got this all a bit fucked up, but! this too shall pass.) It’s SO easy to make friends with people online; I’ve had friends in other states, in Canada, in Romania, in the UK, in New Zealand, etc. I did NOT expect to develop feelings for someone I met online ever, and I tried to fight the feelings off with a stick for the first bit-- but you can’t really just turn them off. You catch them or you don’t. Making it happen is trickier, especially depending on your circumstances. For me, the general feeling is: I’m young, I don’t have significant attachments to where I am, I’m socially mobile, I’ll find ways of making it work. The feelings are real worth it. 

Anyway this got LONG. TL;DR, talk to the girl, anon. You may just make a lovely internet friend (i have talked to LOADS of girls online and not caught feelings for them, but DID make wonderful beautiful talented friends whom I love dearly). You may catch feelings, but if you do, you’ll figure it out. 

[marshmallowgoop]

I write stuff, at times. I swear.

(Check it out! These are my research books and plot outline for this novel that I’ve been working on for nearly half a decade!)

So, it’s National Novel Writing Month, and I’ll probably be a little absent from this site for the rest of November ‘cause I’m trying to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days and am also the boss lady (ML) for the event in my area and have boss lady things that I should be doing.

Buuut since my novel is my Kill la Kill fairytale AU (which I even have a tag for!), posting about the project isn’t totally procrastinating, right? 

Anyway, I’ve written drafts of this story for two NaNos already (2016 and 2017), and the first draft is basically getting totally flushed down the toilet, but the second draft is closer to what I wanna go for, so I’ve been revisiting it to see what I wanna do with my NaNo 2019 attempt. 

And did you know? Maybe kinda relevant to all the anon hate lately, one OC I wrote for the story is a villain that exemplifies a lot of what I hate about myself. Her situation is of course different than mine—I ain’t beautiful, lol—but her jealousy, vindictiveness, egotism, etc. are all things that I despise about me.

Like, I guess maybe you could consider her my evil self-insert. Pfft.

I dunno how much of her backstory will really be in the final draft, and it’s definitely way, waaaaaaaaay too much right now ‘cause it was written for NaNo and all, lol, but tl;dr, tl;dr, I guess one big message of my entire story is that being bitter and envious isn’t fair to anyone, destroys others and yourself, and I gotta knock that crap off or be just as awful as this awful, awful woman (who arguably literally caused some of the biggest problems in the book).

If anyone’s interested in reading, I’ve included her segment under the cut! (As well as a little segment about Senketsu ‘cause that’s just where it was placed ‘cause this novel is a disaster in terms of organization, lol.) It’s super messy and unedited ‘cause it was written for NaNo, and I only lightly cleaned up some grammar and placeholder names for this upload, but eyyy, I swear I do write creatively, sometimes!!

And maybe me being so honest about the stuff I hate about myself will do something for others, I dunno. I can only hope ^^; 

From Chapter 5, “About King Prasenajit’s Daughter Ugly Adamantina”

As it would happen, the curse that befell the beautiful empress’s princess was quite the complicated affair. If the man in the cave could have been there and could have known, he might have begun the story by speaking in great length of a woman from a kingdom far beyond the Kingdom of the Reed Plains.

The woman, you see, was a magnificent, wondrous healer. She knew her medicines and herbs better than anyone had ever seen, and she knew how to combine them better than anyone had ever seen, too. And so it was said, as it may be imagined, that she was a prodigy of her craft, and she was a genius, and she could only be a miracle doctor sent from the gods.

But it was not purely the healer’s knowledge that made her well known throughout her kingdom and others. The healer, much as the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains, was also extraordinarily beautiful. People would come from far and wide to set their eyes upon her, just as people would the empress, and those who were lucky enough to be her patient would say, in great sincerity, that the healer’s beauty alone was enough to cure them of all sickness and pain.

So you must imagine that when the empress sent for all the best doctors and healers in her land and lands far beyond that this miracle doctor was called for. The healer received the invitation one quiet afternoon, and she tried her very hardest to hide her displeasure as she listened to the empress’s messenger speak.

All those with the healer were left open-mouthed by the messenger’s letter. They oohed and ahed, and then they very quickly turned their attention to the woman to whom the letter had been addressed to.

The woman smiled her politest smile, bowing before the messenger as though the messenger herself was the empress

“It is a great honor that you have come all this way,” the healer said, and she hoped very heartily that her irritation did not seem apparent in her voice. “I am much humbled to be called upon by the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains herself, and I pray for the empress’s health and happiness, and for the health and happiness of her child.”

The healer rose from her bow now. “However, I cannot leave my patients, and so I must decline.” She bowed again, her dark hair falling over her shoulders and concealing the cruel smile on her lips.

Silence fell over the room. To decline a royal order was unheard of, and the poor messenger seemed at a loss for what to say to the woman’s refusal.

Everyone’s eyes had fallen upon the woman. She was no longer smiling. There was a great sense of dread building inside her, as though she had swallowed an entire snake whole.

It was a royal order, the healer realized, even if it was not a royal order from her own country.

And so, with another great bow, and knowing that there was nothing she could do, the woman said, “Please forgive my manners. I will be on my way.”

The healer did indeed travel to the empress’s kingdom. It was a long journey, quite uncomfortable if the healer could say so herself, and all the while, her human heart grew colder and colder.

To help the empress of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains! the healer thought to herself. It was the very last thing she could have ever wanted because, you see, she was quite worn of hearing of the empress’s beauty.

“They say, good healer,” she had been told, time and time again, “that she is even more beautiful than you yourself!”

The healer had to listen and listen to such sentiments and always smile so politely back at them, as though she truly liked to be compared in such a manner! It was a disgusting thing, the healer thought to herself all throughout her journey to the Kingdom of the Reed Plains. Not only did she have to go so many ri away from her homeland, but she had to use her skills to help this woman who could not possibly appreciate her own beauty!

How could she ever appreciate her beauty as I appreciate my beauty? the healer asked herself. Only small people came to tell the healer of her wondrous looks, you see, and the healer always adored every single one of her admirers, but the empress was adored by big people, and very big people came to even catch a glimpse of her, and she could not be like the healer herself, the healer knew, because she had to be very haughty and condescending and must surely not be thankful for the great gift of beauty she had received!

But I am thankful, the healer told herself, and she continued to tell herself this as she went on her way. She thought to herself that someone as high and mighty as the empress did not deserve her talents, and a woman like that also could not understand what it would be like to be born ugly, because a woman like that could never, ever appreciate what a great gift beauty truly is in the cruel, inhospitable world that they both lived in.

It is here, then, that the healer began to entertain a great, terrible idea.

She thought to herself, It would be most wonderful, if the empress’s child is born hideous!

And so the healer laughed to herself, and she thought herself quite amazing to consider such a thing, but she never did consider the thought anything more than a thought.

That is, you see, until the healer first arrived at the empress’s palace.

#

The story of the bitter-hearted healer is a story that the man in the cave could not tell you.

The man in the cave could also not tell you about love between humans and demons to Satsuki or anybody else. That is also a story the man does not know.

Perhaps, too, he does not want to know.

But the little red demon knows this story. It is the story that fills his blood and built his bones, and it is the story he will dedicate his life to believing.

Indeed, to the little red demon, the story that the man in the cave tells Satsuki one day—of demons and humans as mortal enemies where peace is impossible, and only one can be the victor—feels as wrong to the child as a waterfall that he has never seen flowing backwards, up a cliff.

But it is this story, you see, that the little demon heard time and time again from his mama’s setsuwa and stories.

“Why is it,” the red demon asked his mother one day, long before he catches his sister prepared to drink their mama’s blood and long before he comes across the young Ryuko collapsed in the snow, “that in all of Mama’s tales, the demons want to hurt the humans?”

He had thought at first that it was simply the case of a few villainous demons. There are surely many stories where humans play the role of the evil force that must be vanquished. But the demon soon saw that humans were allowed to be heroes and kind princesses and great shining beauties. All demons ever could be were empty-headed and ugly and horrible, ravenous beasts.

The demon saw, too, the way his mama’s face would turn red in the same manner in which his face would turn green as she told him, “Do not let these stories about the bad demons make you feel as though you are destined to be bad and nothing more. There are many good demons, too.”

But Mama could not seem to tell the little red demon a single story she had heard about a good demon.

Mother had been at the loom when the red demon asked why it is the demons must always be the villain. She was weaving, chan, chan, chan, karin, and this she continued to do as she answered the little demon’s question, her amber eyes fixed on her work.

“Those stories are very ordinary human stories, my love,” she said. “If I were to tell you demon stories—and I could not, I must say, because I am not very much good with words like your dear mama—then you would see that the demons see the humans as the humans see the demons.”

The red demon was left very confused indeed. “But why would the humans and the demons want to see each other as evil?” he asked. “Isn’t it ordinary for humans and demons to be together?”

Mother still did not look the little red demon’s way. She seemed distant, as though a thousand ri away. “No, my love,” she said. “Your Mama and I are... not very ordinary at all.” A smile was on her lips as she told him so, but she seemed almost sad at the statement, as though the admittance of being unordinary brought a sort of pain, the kind that the demon would come to feel when he looks upon the fallen girl in the snow.

“Demons and humans are not meant to mix,” Mother said. “That is what everyone will tell you, both humans and demons, and even the little birds that come to visit this home will tell you, too.”

The little red demon still did not understand. The situation became ever more puzzling to the child, as incomprehensible as the world saw the red demon’s very existence.

“But you are very happy together,” he said. He frowned, the usual chan, chan, chan, karin of his mother’s loom no longer the soothing sound of his childhood but an anxious rhythm that the demon could not free from his mind.

“No, we are very happy together,” he insisted.

Mother laughed. “Yes, my little smart one,” she said. She patted the demon’s head, careful to avoid the horns that were just growing from his scalp. “But most people, my love, human and demon alike, do not believe it is possible.” She smiled again, though it still looked strange and distant, and she took her hands from the loom where she had been weaving, finally turning her eyes upon her son.

The little demon saw that she had been crying.

“Most people,” she said, “believe it is a curse for a demon to let a human into their heart, and for a human to let a demon into theirs.”

Mother turned her wet eyes away from the little red demon. “But I would do it,” she told him, unwaveringly, as though speaking a grand declaration no matter the quiet whisper of her voice.

And the red demon felt it was more to herself than to him that his mother then said, “If she would let me, I would grant her every wish and keep a piece of her within me, always.”

#

A story the man in the cave does know, as it would happen, is the story of how demons hold within them the power to grant any human’s wish.

This, you see, is a story that more humans once understood, back when the Kingdom of the Reed Plains had not been cursed to be covered in an endless, inhospitable snow that would not disappear and could not disappear.

It was a story that the bitter-hearted healer who had gone to see the empress had known, and she considered this story her first evening she spent in the beautiful empress’s palace as she peered outside to the lands that were not her kingdom and not anything much like her home country.

If I would give my heart to demons to have a wish granted, she thought to herself, I would not have my wish be to make the empress’s child born hideous.

But it would be such a nice thing, she considered some more, if I could truly make such a reality with my own two hands.

Another healer interrupted her thoughts with a great curse of her own. This healer was unabashed in her complaints and did not keep them locked deeply away as the bitter-hearted healer did.

This healer said, “I am number 37, can you believe it?” She expressed a great many more curses, crossing her arms and pouting in a manner that the bitter-hearted healer could not help but find quite admirable.

“I am number 43, myself,” she said. She smiled politely, as she was so very used to doing in her practice. “I am sure I will not be able to return to my home kingdom for quite a long while yet.”

At this, the other healer offered a sympathetic look. “Oh,” she said, and she shook her head, as though ashamed of herself. “I live very near this palace, and here I have been cursing!”

“You have every right to be upset,” said the bitter-hearted healer. She tried very hard to restrain herself from clenching up her fists at the thought of the beautiful empress and how that woman had successfully called her to this wretched palace.

The other healer smiled at that. “I most certainly do have all the reason in the world to be upset!” she said. “Calling upon so many healers and doctors! You must forgive our empress.” She lowered her voice, until she was near whispering. “She is just very afraid of losing a fourth child, you see.”

This the bitter-hearted healer understood perfectly, and had the empress been another, uglier woman, perhaps the healer would have been meant it, when she said, “I wish the best for her and her child.”

“With all these healers and doctors, there won’t be any need for wishing,” answered the other healer, and then she was quite quiet for a moment before she added, “To tell the truth, I wasn’t happy with my number because I wished to return to my family as soon as possible, but also....” She paused, as though bashful. “It’s maybe a bit silly, but I’m afraid I won’t even be able to meet the beautiful empress with my late number! I was hoping to make my family very jealous for getting to be in the same room as her!”

The bitter-hearted healer’s smile slipped, just slightly. She then made her smile all the brighter as she answered, “I have heard that she is quite a sight.”

“So the talk of her beauty goes beyond even our little Kingdom of the Reed Plains!” cried the other healer. “I so wish to see for myself.”

The healer then looked very carefully at the bitter-hearted woman.

“I hope you don’t mind my saying, Miss, but I almost find it hard to imagine a woman prettier than you.”

The bitter-hearted healer’s smile became very wicked. “You flatter me!” she said. “I am sure I cannot hold even a candle to the empress’s beauty.”

“I suppose we will see about that,” said the other healer.

But the bitter-hearted healer very much did not want to see about it. She had only been in the empress’s palace a few mere hours, but already it seemed an eternity, and so there came the time when the bitter-hearted healer—surely not thinking clearly, mind you—left her room that night and walked very resolutely to the palace gates. The other doctors and healers looked at her quite oddly as she did this, and the guards of the palace questioned her quite thoroughly.

“It is unwise,” said one of the palace guards, “to walk the streets at night, when the demons are about.”

The healer considered it might almost be a blessing, if she could be eaten by demons and never have to come before the horrible empress she did not want to see!

But the healer smiled very politely, as she was so very used to doing from her practice. “My number is very far off, you see,” she said, and she showed the guard the parchment with 43 written cleanly upon it. “I have relatives not far from this palace, and I would very much like to spend the night with them, if you understand.”

The guard shifted uncomfortably. “I understand...” he said, “But you were to come here, on royal orders—“

“And I will return,” said the bitter-hearted healer. Though she had interrupted the man, the tone of her voice had become sweeter than sugared honey. Her impertinence almost seemed kind.

“Yes, I hear what you are saying,” said the guard, and once more he shifted uncomfortably, “but you must understand....”

He could not finish his words. The bitter-hearted healer ran fingers through her slick black hair. She batted her eyelashes, only a small amount. “I know it is dangerous,” she said, “but I am a healer, and I am very good at what I do—as I am sure you know because I am standing here before you right this moment!—and if any demon were to try to hurt me, I could heal myself in just an instant!”

The bitter-hearted healer bowed down very low before the guard. “Please, good man, I am begging you to let me go.”

It was with a great hesitance that the guard did exactly so.

But the truth is that the bitter-hearted healer had no family in that kingdom. She knew no one at all in the Kingdom of the Reed Plains, and she entertained the thought that she could run away to a new settlement somewhere, perhaps by the mountains, and then she could avoid ever seeing the empress and ever living with the shame from refusing a royal order from a kingdom allied with her own.

The person she was at that moment could be considered lost. She could start a new life, and she could become a healer even more renowned than she had been in her backwater hometown. The healer’s head buzzed with ideas, bun, bun. Of course she could start up a new business someplace far away! She was so beautiful that she would quickly become the talk of the town no matter where it is she went!

This thought brought the bitter-hearted healer to stop in her tracks. No, she thought, she could not become the talk of the town in a town where the only beauty anyone could speak of was an empress who did not appreciate her beauty nor deserve it!

The healer clutched the lantern she had taken with her on her journey away from the palace quite tightly. Why did all her thoughts keep returning to such a terrible woman? Even when she had been thinking of the new life she would build for herself, the healer could not help but think of the empress.

She frowned to herself, all by herself in a great kingdom with a wondrous empress, in the forest just beyond the palace, no less, and she thought to herself that she must be such a pitiful sight that even demons would take pity upon her and spare her life should they ever find her.

The bitter-hearted healer, however, did not realize that she was so stuffed full of bitterness and cold that she smelled quite terrible to the demons who were indeed wandering about the Kingdom of the Reed Plains that night.

“That atrocious stench is ruining all the wonderful ones,” the woman heard a demon complain (though she was not aware that it was a demon speaking because the healer did not truly expect to come across demons in her great escape from the palace).

Zushin, zushin, the healer heard, thud, thud, stomp, stomp.“It must be another cold heart,” said another demon (that the healer again was not aware was truly a demon at all).

But it is quite disconcerting to hear voices that you cannot see the source of in the midst of the night, and so it was then that the healer, whose heart was beating very quickly at that moment, raised her lantern and shone it all around her.

“Who is there?” she asked. The light danced all about the darkness, and when it settled upon a face, the bitter-hearted healer was rather surprised that this face was a considerably good-looking face.

She was even more surprised when she saw another face besides the first face that was equally attractive, and indeed perhaps even more so.

“Ah,” said the owner of the first face, who looked to the bitter-hearted healer to be a young woman with eyes that sparkled like bright red rubies.“So it is you who are making this horrible, ghastly stench all throughout these lands.”

Of course, it is even more disconcerting to hear a beautiful stranger in the woods describe you as smelling atrocious, and so perhaps it is not unusual that the bitter-hearted healer felt her bitterness grow and grow within her, puffing out and expanding much like her medicinal breads did in the ovens back in her home.

She said, “Well, now, how terribly rude! I will have you know that I have traveled quite a long way!Even the bath that I have been offered in this kingdom has not treated me well, it seems!”

The owner of the second beautiful face, who seemed to the bitter-hearted healer to be an older woman with great red lips that were a deeper color than even the setting sun, shook her head at the healer, her long, dark hair brushing against her shoulders and elaborate flowered kimono.

“You misunderstand, Miss,” said this second beauty.“No amount of sweet soaps or fragrances or wondrous baths could save you from this disgusting stench that falls off you much as snow falls from the sky.”

The second beauty lifted her chin up very high.“This reek feels even more endless than snow, too,” she said.

This, too, made the bitter-hearted healer even more bitter hearted than she had been before.

The two beauties coughed before the healer could even begin to speak.

“You are making it worse!” said the first woman. “It is no good to upset a human who already smells so terrible.”

These words were the first that the bitter-hearted woman could perhaps smile at. She said, “Come now, are you traveling storytellers looking for refuge by the palace? It is quite funny of you to try to include even your audience as part of your story, but I must confess that I do not have a single coin upon my person at this moment.”

The bitter-hearted healer laughed, and the sound was surely as horrible a sound as her heart was a horrible heart and her stench was a horrible stench. “I must say, though,” said the bitter-hearted healer, “that it is not quite an appealing act to begin by insulting your audience and then continue by calling them 'human' as though you are not humans yourselves!”

These words made the two demons laugh quite heartily indeed, gera, gera, ha, ha. They laughed much more heartily than the woman, and they laughed much more genuinely, and when they had finished this laughter and wiped the tears from their eyes, the younger beauty smiled in a way that the bitter-hearted healer did not find so attractive.

Indeed, she found the grin quite terrifying.

Because, you see, the bitter-hearted healer saw that this beauty had teeth that were perhaps not quite so beautiful. There were long fangs, sharp, and it seemed very much to the healer that she was looking straight at the smiling jaws of a great monster.

“As though we are not humans ourselves!” repeated the once-beauty. The strange creature laughed once more, looking less and less beautiful to the bitter-hearted healer with every second. Its form seemed to distort and mutate before the bitter-hearted healer, and the sight was to the woman very hideous and unsightly, but somehow, you see, she could not look away.

And so it was that the bitter-hearted healer watched with wide eyes as rosy skin changed to a slick blue, shiny, dark hair became as long and wild and white as snowflakes in a great storm, and the once-beauty seemed to grow several feet, towering over the bitter-hearted healer with eyes that the healer then realized to be the shining eyes of a demon.

She also realized that they were the shining eyes of a very hungry demon.

The bitter-hearted healer, in her immense fear, toppled to the ground with a great gasp, haa, haa, wheeze, pant. Her lantern shattered, and the flames jumped out, lighting the leaves scattered upon the forest floor on fire and threatening to burn the trees as well.

Here the demons’ laughter was quite diminished.

“Look what you have made the foolish human do with your silly sideshow display,” said the older beauty. She had shifted her form as well, now bearing the appearance of a massive, red-haired blue demon clad in tiger skins, with three great horns upon her head.

She stomped out the fires with her feet, zushin, zushin, thud, thud, and the younger demon only helped with what the bitter-hearted healer would have considered reluctance, if she had the mind to think clearly. Soon enough only a small bit of flames remained, and this the younger demon held in her hands as though it was a small, fluttering little heart.

“It must be strange to you to see that flames do not burn us,” said the demon, perhaps not knowing—or perhaps knowing very, very well—that the bitter-hearted healer could think nothing on how a demon would not be burned by flames.

“As it would happen, silly, stinky human,” she explained, “demons are not affected by the cold or the heat like you flimsy creatures.”

The bitter-hearted healer could not quite take another moment of this torture. Her heart was nearly threatening to jump out of her chest, beating so very quickly, baku, baku, thump, thump, because, you see, though the healer had often come face to face with death in her practice, she had never given very much thought to the idea that she could truly, actually be the one facing death one day!

She pressed her head against the singed, cold ground with her hands in front of her and said, “Oh, please, demons, please, please spare me! Once you understand my sad tale, you cannot possibly wish to eat me!”

Of course, the bitter-hearted healer did not understand the tale of the demons themselves (and this she would never understand, much as the man in the cave would never understand the love between demons and humans, but, ah, that is a story for quite another time). The bitter-hearted healer did not understand that the demons she had encountered that fateful night were demons from a smaller settlement, and she did not know that this settlement had grown very tired of hunting humans and so had pledged, with great sincerity and passion, to refrain from ever tasting the sweet flavors of human flesh and blood ever again.

It is easy to say that the bitter-hearted healer could not have understood this tale, and it would be correct to say so, because no human in all the Kingdom of the Reed Plains at the time could say that they knew of the demons within their own lands who had sworn off eating them forever. But the bitter-hearted healer would also not have understood this tale should she have ever been told it, because, you see, to the bitter-hearted healer, a demon was a demon, and demons ate people, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

However, the bitter-hearted healer did think very much that she could avoid being the human the demons chose to eat, if she were only clever enough.

And so the woman pushed her face even farther into the dirt (which she didn’t quite think possible), and she said, “You would understand my tale, too!”  The woman’s voice absolutely dripped with desperation, and there was enough that the demons could scoop it up with their hands and drink and be filled. “You are very beautiful demons,” the woman cried, “and my sad tale could only be understood by those who understand the gift of great beauty, and I know very well that you understand this gift!”

Now, the demons had no desire to eat the woman or even drink her blood on account of their pledge, and truth be told, they would have no desire to eat the woman or even drink her blood had they not been bound by such a pledge. There was such a terrible, ghastly stench coming off the woman and her cold, frozen heart, and the demons were quite sure that, should they even attempt to eat her, she would taste as terrible and ghastly as she smelled.

The bitter-hearted woman could also not have known that the younger demon entertained the thought of wiping her tongue off on the bark of trees after tasting someone as disgusting as the woman who sat crouched before her, and indeed, she would not have even considered such a thing. To the bitter-hearted woman, all that mattered was her beauty, and as her thinking went, beautiful creatures must also taste quite delicious, and so she must have seemed quite the delectable treat to the two demons before her.

As the bitter-hearted woman saw her situation, she would have to try her very, very hardest to not be eaten.

The demons played along with the woman. “A tale, you say?” asked the older demon woman. “Perhaps you are the one who should be the traveling storyteller?”

In all her fear, the bitter-hearted woman thought herself at least wise enough to agree with a demon when asked such a question. “Perhaps, perhaps!” she agreed, though deep inside she could not imagine being in such a lowly, silly, worthless profession as a traveling storyteller.

The demons tried very hard to refrain from gagging at how the woman’s stench became much more terrible with her lie. They continued to play the woman’s game.

“We shall see how skilled you are,” the younger demon woman said. She still held the flames in her hands, coaxing the fire as though it were a small animal.

“Yes, yes, you shall see!” cried the bitter-hearted healer, and she then told her story in the best manner she could muster. She spoke of how the beautiful empress did not deserve her beauty and did not appreciate it, and she spoke of how all the empress deserved was a hideous child, and she said that she had half-considered running away from this horrible place and starting a brand-new life because she quite abhors ungratefulness, you see, and the beautiful empress is surely the definition of ungrateful!

The bitter-hearted healer could not have known how the demons reacted to her story. She could not have understood how the two looked at each other with great plans and ideas blooming in their minds, and she could not understand the language that they spoke to one another in quiet tones, because to the bitter-hearted healer, you see, the language of the demons sounded much the same as the go-o, go-o of the wind.

And so after the bitter-hearted healer had spoken all she had to say, she stared a great, long while at the two incredible creatures before her, knowing all too well in her frozen heart that there was nothing else she could do.

But it was such a long, painful time that the demons spoke to one another, and as you might imagine from a woman who believed very sincerely that she was at death’s door, the bitter-hearted woman became quite consumed by fear. Though there was a great bitterness inside her that would not go away, there came too to be a great terror.

How horrible and unfair is everything! the woman could not help but think, tainting her scent ever more as her heart grew ever colder. Here she had not only come to the ungrateful empress’s kingdom to do her a great deed, but on her first night in the supposedly beautiful empress’s lands, she is held hostage by demons and sentenced to death! Her great kindness to come to the empress’s aid had only resulted in her very downfall!

And so the bitter-hearted woman fumed quite thoroughly to herself, and her bitterness grew and grew, and the demons spoke more and more quickly because, you see, they were not so certain how much longer they could stand being so close to such a cold-hearted, cruel woman.

It was only once the bitter-hearted healer became very convinced that she was going to be eaten on the spot that the older demon woman said, with a hesitance that the woman did not recognize as hesitance, “You have told quite an amazing story indeed.”

The bitter-hearted woman thought immediately upon hearing these words that the demon was genuine in saying them, and she would have been correct, to an extent, because the demon woman did find her tale amazing, in a sense.

The younger demon woman said, “We like your story very much, and we would like to help you! It is true; a cruel fate has come upon you, and it is not fair that you have been sent away to this kingdom! To think that you have been sent all this way to help such an empress as the human empress that reigns in the Kingdom of the Reed Plains! It is disgusting! Despicable!”

At these words, the bitter-hearted healer could have broken out into tears, and it is only the older demon’s next words that keep her from doing just that.

“If you would come with us, just a ways, we can make it so your dreams can come true,” she said.

The bitter-hearted healer felt the great relief that had only just filled her dissipate away, tainted. Her fear came back, and this fear was a terror so great that it felt to the bitter-hearted healer to be almost as tangible as the rain that began to fall upon her at that moment, zabun, zabun, plop, plop. With dread and anxiety building deep within her, the bitter-hearted woman considered many possibilities for what the demons planned to do now.

They were discussing which of my body parts they are going to eat, she thought to herself. They are going to take me back with them to their home, and they are going to enjoy me while they drink away all the water in the river that they must live by, because of course demons must live by a river! I am going to die here, and these demons must consider me quite foolish, to think that their compliments and kind words are enough to tempt me straight into the jaws of death!

The bitter-hearted woman grew more and more bitter, but she smiled very kindly at the demons, the way she had become so accustomed to from her practice, and she knew that even in the rain, she looked very beautiful when she smiled.

“I will go with you,” she said, and she got to her feet, and the demons smiled back at her, though even the bitter-hearted woman could sense that these smiles were not fully kind.

And so the bitter-hearted healer went with the demons because there was surely nothing else she could do, and she thought to herself that when they stopped and tried to devour her whole, she could perhaps kick their teeth, or perhaps they were thinking of saving her for another day, in which case she could steal their shoes and surely run a thousand ri in just a moment.

On and on the bitter-hearted healer’s thought went in this way, and she was so very preoccupied with her illusions that she did not notice at first that the demons had stopped. The bitter-hearted woman had only the little flickering light of the demon’s fire (that had somehow not been extinguished in the rain) to use to see in the darkness, but it seemed to her that they had stopped before what the healer recognized to be an herb garden much like the one she had back in her own backwater hometown.

“It is exactly what you believe it to be,” said the younger demon. The older demon then proceeded to pick from the garden something that the healer could not recognize, even with her great skill and beauty at her craft.

The bitter-hearted woman wondered briefly if whatever it is that the demon had picked would be used to make her tastier, or perhaps it was poison, and the demons truly had been moved by her tale and wished for her to have a peaceful demise rather than be swallowed whole.

It took everything the bitter-hearted woman had to not shudder terribly at this thought.

But the older demon explained, very matter-of-fact, what it was in her hands. “We do not grow the same herbs as you humans do,” she said. “Demons are much stronger than humans, with hearts that are much lighter, and we are far more advanced in our medicines.”

The bitter-rated healer did not believe this in the slightest, but she smiled her very politest smile. “I would very much like to learn more about your herbs,” she said, though she wished to say, I want absolutely nothing to do with your cursed medicines because they would be sure to poison me and all my patients!

“Unfortunately for you, I cannot share the demons’ secrets with a human,” said the older demon. “But I can provide you with this herb, to present to the empress.”

This the bitter-hearted healer found very surprising indeed.

“An herb to present to the empress?” she repeated, a strange sensation of excitement filling her no matter the fact that she was surely just seconds away from being tricked into her own demise by demons.

“Yes,” said the younger demon. “If you present this herb to the empress, her child will be born very, very healthy, because we demons have healing magic, you know, and we have the power to cure nearly any ailment known in the world just using our own power. You must imagine that our medicines are capable of much, much more.”

The bitter-hearted healer felt her excitement wane. Her polite smile fell to nastiness, and this she did not even make the slightest attempt to hide. “Why in the world would I want to give the empress exactly what she wants?” she asked. It seemed so very horrible, and she considered herself such a very sad creature, to be in a position where even the demons sided with a disgraceful, ungrateful empress over her! Was she not beautiful enough to be given whatever it is she wanted? She, who so respected and was so very grateful for the gift of beauty that she had received from the gods?

And though the bitter-hearted woman did not take any note of it, the older demon would think that perhaps she was too harsh with her next words, but she could not help it, you see, because it is a demon’s curse to be extraordinarily honest, even if humans could not comprehend nor understand this honesty.

She said, “We would hope that even the most wicked of humans would not wish for a child to be born so sickly that they perish shortly after birth,” but then she shook her head and said to the bitter-hearted empress, who smelled even more terrible at this point and seemed very much to be fuming, “But we would like to make your dream come true, healer from a faraway kingdom.”

The bitter-hearted healer crossed her arms and surveyed the demons quite thoroughly now. “Are you saying?” she started, and she could not quite finish, even if that was quite unbecoming of a beautiful lady.

“Yes,” said the younger demon. Her face was lit up by the flame that still danced in her palm. “If you give this herb to the empress, her child will be born uglier than any human and far uglier than any demon.”

A great, horrible smile came upon the bitter-hearted healer’s face at this revelation. She very gladly took the herb from the older demon, and she even more gladly presented this herb to the beautiful empress when she returned to the palace to a very relieved guard and when it came to be her turn to come before the terrible empress who had brought such pain and misfortune upon her life.

“Take this,” the bitter-hearted healer said very confidently to the empress, smiling her very politest smile that she had grown much accustomed to smiling from her practice. “Place it in your tea, and be sure that the tea is very warm, and your child will be born very healthy and very lovely.”

The bitter-hearted healer, you see, was not like the honest demons. She very much relished her lie, and her very politest smile would have seemed distinctly not polite, had anyone looked closely enough.

But no one looked closely enough, because the bitter-hearted healer was simply a small healer from a faraway kingdom, and though she was a great beauty, no one could be bothered to look her way, not when in the same room as the most beautiful empress in all the world.

However, perhaps the woman’s heart was not as cold as the demons had seen it, because even this bitter-hearted healer felt within her a sting of remorse as she stood before the empress. In the woman’s mind, you see, the empress was surely not as beautiful as she was made out to be, but this silly empress held herself up as though she was the most beautiful creature on all of the Earth! The bitter-hearted healer almost felt sorry for the poor creature, left thinking that she is so amazingly lovely when she is so clearly not.

And yet, as it may be expected from a tale such as this one, the bitter-hearted healer’s small bit of remorse was not enough for her to treat the empress properly, as she would one of her own patients back in her hometown that the woman found herself missing in increasing amounts, and so she kept her smiling as the empress thanked her for her work.

The bitter-hearted healer, of course, did not know that it was not the demons who had made it so the medicine would cause the princess of the Kingdom of the Reed Plains to be born horrifically ugly. She could not know, and she could not understand, because she did not realize her own bitter-heartedness and would never understand it, not for as long as she lived (and this, you see, was not a very much time longer).

“Humans with hearts as cold as this woman,” the old demon had said to the younger demon, back when they had first heard the healer’s sobbed tale, in a language that the bitter-hearted healer did not understand and could not understand, “are capable of tainting even the strongest medicine with evil, but it is they who suffer the most from their bitterness. A human heart is not meant to be cold. Humans are not designed for the cold as we demons are, and a frozen heart can only beat for so long before it wears itself away with its darkness.”

And so, perhaps it was not odd that the bitter-hearted healer did not live to see the day that her tainted medicine had done its work, and the empress’s daughter was indeed born as hideous as a snake. The healer was a miracle doctor from the heavens and a healer who could heal all, it seemed, except herself. The bitter-hearted woman’s coldness made her incurably ill upon returning to her kingdom, and the people sighed for a moment at her passing.

“She was quite a beauty,” the people said, because it was quite sad to lose someone who looked so lovely, just as it is quite sad to lose a lovely flower to an unseasonal bout of cold weather. “It is a shame to lose her and no longer see such a lovely face.”

But as all beauty eventually fades one day, so did the memory of the healer, who, you must understand, was not truly especially skilled at her craft, and indeed, had relied heavily on the skills of her not-so-pretty assistants whose stories the world did remember far beyond their time.

And so the bitter-hearted healer’s tale was forgotten, and when the time comes that a man in a cave tells this story of the beautiful empress’s ugly daughter to the Crown Princess Satsuki, not a soul remains who remembers the bitter-hearted healer at all.

[nightcoremoon]

for the record I'm not actually upset over the comments people are making. I've been doing the internet fight thing for 15 years. but here's an anecdote.

a couple years ago when Discourse™ first got its start, I saw a post. it said "saying 'my dude' is antiblack racist because it's just a watered down way of saying 'my n*gga'" except he actually said the word because op was black. and I was like. what the fuck am I reading. I check the notes and he's all like "if you're white you're not allowed to disagree with me". I'm like wha. granted there were a bunch of people who had said "I'm black and you're an idiot" and it died out and lo and behold if I say my dude I don't get crucified by black people so it's clearly not racist.

then a meme surfaced. you start ranting and raving in a really long sentence or something that's usually directed towards people who do or say bigoted things and then ending it with a comma and a soccermom name, KAREN. it was used pretty much everywhere by everyone. but then one strangely peculiar thing happened.

people started sending anonymous suicide baits to people who used that meme, because "that meme was created by black people so it's culturally appropriating black culture to use that meme if you're white". including one trans kid who was like 14, living in an abusive and homophobic household. he used it in a vent post. and in the notes at least three people were harassing him about it. he deleted his blog. I worry he might have killed himself.

the people who were sending the messages were in their early to mid 20s. to a 14 year old kid. because he used a black created meme. to vent about his abusive household. I shouldn't have to explain how fucked up that is.

anyway I'd come to his defense and made a post about how it's ridiculous to cyberbully a child because he used a meme he didn't have the license to use. and tumblr flipped out. I had hundreds of messages from people calling me a nazi. yeah sure a disabled mentally ill queer trans leftist is totally a nazi. right. they said I was racist, they said I was homophobic to gay black people, they said that I was a liar who fabricated that story I told earlier about that kid because by the time people were asking for receipts the post was deleted. I got suicide baited, threatened, the whole shebang.

I didn't care. I was just irritated by the huge influx of messages. it was an inconvenience. after the life I lead, mean words on the internet from a spineless coward hiding behind the veil of anonymity are water off a duck's back. yes I might use fuckin profanity or italicized fonts or CAPITAL LETTERS for emphasis, but it's because I'm a wordsmith. language is an art form. a keyboard is my brush. I'm proud of my ability to harness the english language and twist and contort it to my own specifications. I can use it for great good, in helping people through tough times with inspiring words that incite courage, for great funny, in jokes that might take some thinking and context to really understand (especially puns), for great sexy (talking dirty basically but only with certain people and when the time is right), or for insulting people. anyone who knows me knows that I'm a good person and that the only people who ever know what it's like to receive a tongue lashing are the ones who fucking deserve it. not the people who see a single text post taken out of context as a basis to judge my entire character on. but I enjoy it. I enjoy using words as weapons on the battlefield of discourse. it's because I'm good at it. beyond the abilities of most opponents which is unfortunate because it just sails right over their heads most of the time but still, my fellow intelligent company is able to grasp the meanings and intentions of both sides. I excel at this. and the fact that I don't take things personally (I'll certainly pretend to when it'll gain me the advantage) is just icing on the cake.

there is just one problem though.

I'm autistic and possess hyperempathy.

"what does that have to do with this?"

see, here's the thing. if some random person makes an offhand comment intended as a joke but didn't really have the "correct" amount of blatant humor injected into it, and you are the type of person to then go to them and tell them they'd be better off dead, they're just a retard who should stop posting, nobody cares about them, whatever, you are NOT the type of person to think "hmm this person's only 14, maybe I should reconsider the choice to send them a death threat" or "oh hey this person has depression, perhaps I'll remove that suicide bait part and replace it with rainbow lollipops and unicorn stickers :3". you don't give a fuck about all that. you just wanna reap destruction and watch the world burn. you wouldn't give a fuck if that kid commits suicide because you don't have any compassion or empathy. if you would send the kind of shit you sent me to anyone, and I had the chance to meet you in person, I'd make you swallow your own teeth.

these anons don't care how old I am. they don't care what my mental state is. they don't care about any of that shit. they only care about inflicting pain, deserved or not, and all over dumb shitposts. over "lmao if you break up over mario kart you're kind of immature and should work on your relationship skills :P". over saying Karen at the end of your sentence. over greeting a friend with "my dude". over liking steven universe. it doesn't matter what the topic of the day is. any excuse will do to go for the proverbial jugular.

the existence of these people is what pisses me off more than the actual things that they say. how dare you exist. how dare you spread hate. how dare you not be a paragon of human decency. if someone says something racist or homophobic or antisemitic or misogynistic or body shaming or pro fascist or bootlicking or genocidal or anything contributing directly to harmful actions towards people based on their demographics rather than the choices that they make, fuck 'em. you lost my compassion for you. you're a piece of old chewing gum under a table. you're a little chunk of dookie that didn't get flushed. you're a moldy apricot pit at the bottom of an unlined trash can. you made a conscious choice to be a bad person. if you are a literal nazi, I'd remove your bones and then put them back in the wrong places without any anesthetic. if you are bigoted because society brainwashed you, I'd call you character into question and point out your hypocrisy. if you made a dumb joke on a shitpost I'd just scroll past because I'm not gonna waste my time on you. but if you would tell a kid to kill themself, you bet your ass I'll tear into you like hungry wolves into a deer carcass with zero remorse or sense of your own feewings. if you want me to care about the feelings of terrible people, you have another thing coming. if they would hurt people who don't deserve it, they're on the shit list.

and I refuse to be told that I'm a bad person because of that. severe, yes. ruthless, maybe. evil? that's pushing it a lot. a little unhinged? I've not been hinged since I was 3 years old. an asshole? I vehemently disagree considering the people i'm rude to are themselves assholes; this isn't some edgy friedrich nietsche quote taken out of context. merciless? okay I'll give you that. but a bad person? fuck that and fuck you.

you don't get to judge my character because I'm ~mean~ to dickheads.

in fact I'm somehow more pissed off at those people than the people sending the shitty messages in the first place. lashing out I can understand because that was me once upon a time. but passive neutrality under guise as absolute good? you're attacking the reaction. you're centrists attacking antifa. you're part of the problem. especially when you use sneaky tactics that take advantage of good nature, "heyyyyy buddy, let's talk about your anger issues, are you okaaaaaay, taaaaalk to me, you need to apologize to the people who want you dead because you were mean to them and that means you deserve it". literal cult tactics. evil. actual legitimate active performed evil. or just an ignorant misguided fool that thinks he's the dalai lama. but... pride is a deadly sin after all.

anyway tl;dr i don't give a shit about the actual things you say to me. the only thing that pisses me off is the fact that you'd say those things to another person completely unprovoked, no matter who that person is.

[imagining-imagines]

Dancing in the Dark [Bones x Reader]

Requested by Anon

Word count: 4,000+

The flashing sign of a battery was the last thing you saw before your PADD shut off. You were in the middle of a medical refresher course and, due to your own stupidity, had disregarded the low battery warnings your tablet had given you. With a sigh, you put the dead device away. Realistically, you didn't need that course anyway, but you felt like you had to be at top notch performance for being a doctor on the U.S.S. Enterprise.

It was a huge honor to be given the position. You had worked your whole life for a spot on the Starfleet vessel. Only a half hour ago, you had received your orders, but you were already eager to get things moving. You didn't like waiting around when there were things to be done – especially when one of those things was getting you aboard the Enterprise. You made your way toward the loading dock and chatted away with other crew members who would be boarding with you.

“Yeah, I’ll be working with Dr. McCoy,” you were saying to one of your crewmates and fellow doctors. “Do you know him?”

“Unfortunately,” she scoffed as she rolled her eyes. Was he that bad? She must’ve seen the concern in your eyes because she chuckled and put her hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. He’s good with the medical side of things, he just needs to work on his people skills.” With that she joined the line that was forming to board the docking ship.

You took a deep breath. Here we go.

When you were finally on the ship, you went straight to your room so you could get changed into the blue dress and black boots you had been given. You sat down on your bed and checked your tablet which, to your relief, was now plugged in. Your instructions were to go to Deck 10 where you would meet your chief medical officer, Doctor Leonard McCoy. The minute you were sure of your instructions, you sprang to your feet and hurried to Deck 10.

***

"Don't touch that, Jim, unless you wanna end up in the ICU for the next few weeks while we treat your collapsed lung and failing liver!" You heard a southern voice yelling not far from your work assignment. You turned the corner to see a dark haired man snatching a tool away from a lighter haired man who was wobbling around the sickbay. As you walked closer they both turned to you.

"And who might you be?" the blond man questioned as he looked you up and down. As he stumbled closer to you, you tried to hold back a laugh.

"Doctor Y/N L/N," you replied. "And you are?"

The shouting, southern man pulled him back. "Delirious," he answered for him. "Go lie down, Jim, you aren't doing well."

"I'm fine, Bones. Just let go of me, and let me stand on my own." Jim slurred. As instructed, Bones let go of him. Jim extended his hand. “Captain James T. Kirk, nice to meet you.” Then he immediately dropped to the floor.

"Great," Bones huffed. He bent down and started half carrying, half dragging him across the floor. You wrapped the Captain's arm around your shoulder and helped Bones raise him onto a bed. "At least we might get some peace and quiet around here now." Bones remarked as he injected Jim with a hypo.

“That’s Captain Kirk?” you questioned incredulously.

Bones nodded. “Unfortunately, yes, that is the moron that Starfleet chose to control a space-bound, flying vessel with thousands of lives on board. Not to make you nervous or anything.”

"Okay…” you replied. “Hey, I'll be out of your way here in a little bit. I'm just looking for Doctor McCoy." "You're lookin' at him," Bones answered. His brown eyes met yours and you forgot what you wanted Doctor McCoy for at all. He stared at you expectantly, and you tried to remember what you were doing there.

"Listen," he said before you compiled your thoughts. "If you're one of the doctors from Deck 13, asking to change decks because of what happened to Doctor Hiskan-"

"No, I'm actually here as Doctor Puri's replacement," you interrupted as soon as you remembered. Even though you were now a bit curious about what had happened to Doctor Hiskan.

Bones crossed his arms. "I'm Doctor Puri's replacement," he argued.

You shrugged. "Then I guess I'm your replacement," you decided, not wanting to start an argument. You knew you were there to fill in somebody's empty space. Whoever's place it was didn't affect whether you would do your job or not.

"Yeah, well, I'm not gonna need a replacement if we can't get Kirk back on his feet so he can lead the Enterprise." Bones looked over at the unconscious blond laying on the bed you had dragged him onto.

"What’s wrong with him?" you questioned McCoy as you got closer to study Kirk's symptoms.

"Don't know yet," he shook his head. "Came stumbling in here 'bout an hour ago too weak to even talk." He stopped and considered what he had said. "I kinda regret fixin' that for him."

“Do you mind if I examine him?” you asked even though you fully intended to do so with or without his permission.

He gestured for you to continue. “Be my guest, but if we can’t find out what’s wrong with him and cure him in 2 hours, it’s gonna be a real hassle explaining to the flight council why the Enterprise is still on the ground.” He picked up a PADD and disappeared behind the door to his office.

You kept examining Kirk as you carefully ruled problems out. You tried to work quickly but the more you learned, the more likely it was that there wasn’t a quick and easy solution. Your eyes lit up when you decided you had the answer. You went to get Doctor McCoy, but right as you were about to knock on his door, it opened and he stepped out.

“We need a solution now,” he said quickly. You flipped the tablet you were using so he could see.

“Kaddu poisoning,” you offered simply. He snatched the PADD away from you to study closer.

“Mind telling me what that is exactly?” he questioned.

“The Kaddu are a reptilian race and the females can breathe poison in defense against males who aren’t their kin,” you answered, remembering what you had read in Starfleet Academy.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s just like him. How do we fix him?” You looked over at Kirk who was still out cold.

“The best we can do is let it wear off, but that could take at least three hours,” You didn’t want the takeoff to be postponed over something that would heal with time, but if the captain wasn’t well, that was that.

“We don’t have that kind of time so you need to find a way to get rid of it sooner,” Bones replied. You knew he was right, but trying to rush the restoring could give you more problems than what you had to start with. You started thinking of alternate options.

“Wait, couldn’t we just get Commander Spock to do the takeoff?” you asked, starting to get hopeful.

“Not unless he has the permission of the current captain who, lucky for us, is out like a light,” Bones huffed.

“Couldn’t we bend the rules a little?” you asked exasperated.

“Maybe, if Spock wasn’t a pointy-eared rule book on legs.”

Before you could suggest anything else Hiraku Sulu entered the medbay. “We need Captain Kirk on the bridge,” he informed.

“Get Commander Spock down here immediately,” you instructed him. Sulu took a curious look at Kirk before rushing back to the bridge.

Bones shook his head. “You’re not gonna get him to break the rules,” he stated. You walked over to Kirk.

"You're right, so get over here and help me wake him up."

 Kirk sat up in the bed mumbling to himself while you and Bones waited for Spock to arrive. His delusions were getting worse, and his slurred speech didn't make it any easier to know what he was saying. You looked over at Doctor McCoy who was slowly pacing the Sickbay. His brow was furrowed in concentration and he had a hand resting at his mouth. He looked over your way and your gaze snapped away. You had only just realized you'd been staring. Before you had the time to be embarrassed, Spock arrived, and you snapped your attention back to the project at hand.

"Took ya' long enough!" Bones greeted him. "Get over here and listen to your captain give you orders to start the flight."

"Doctor, I believe I am owed an explanation." The Vulcan inferred. McCoy explained the situation with no small annoyance and with a few of his own choice words. After Spock was all caught up, Kirk started speaking louder as if he was addressing a crowd. You tried to quiet him down while Bones and Spock argued in the background.

"Medical code states that the treatment and transport of a patient is to be determined by his attending physician!" McCoy declared.

Spock turned to you. "You are his attending physician?"

Were you? You thought Bones was. You glanced behind Spock to see Bones vigorously nodding his head.

"Yes," you said hesitantly.

"And what do you think is best for your captain?" Spock questioned.

"I'm your captain!" Jim interrupted.

"I think he'll be better if we can get this ship moving," you decided.

Spock was quiet for a moment before saying, "Very well. Captain, your permission is required for me to start the launch." Kirk suddenly stopped talking and stared blankly at Spock. "Captain," Spock tried again to get a response. Kirk suddenly reached forward and grabbed either side of Spock’s head.

“How do you think with these on your head?” he affronted Spock has he examined his ears. You and Bones rushed to the Vulcan’s rescue and held Kirk’s hands down.

"It is not my place to question your diagnosis--" Spock began.

“You're right, it's not," Bones interrupted. "Jim, just say ‘start the launch’!” he commanded as he struggled to keep the captain’s hand away from Spock. Even with Bones's persuasion skills, Kirk didn't give the order.

Can someone just hypo him? you thought as you held Kirk's other hand down.

As if the doctor had read your mind, he grabbed a hypo and pointed it in Kirk's direction. "So help me, I'll hypo you again, Jim!"

That made Kirk hesitate. He stopped struggling and glared at the hypo as if he had a personal vendetta against it.

"Start the launch," he finally grumbled.

Bones rolled his eyes. "Was that so hard?" he queried. Then, without any warning, he injected Kirk with the hypo he held in his hand.

"Hey!" Kirk yelled before collapsing unconscious on the bed. Bones tossed the now empty hypo to you and shooed Spock out of the medbay.

"Just in the nick of time," you remarked as you looked at the time.

"Yeah," Bones snorted. "Good thing you were here. I wouldn't have figured that out in near enough time."

You smiled at the praise. "I'm here to help," you responded.

Bones raised his brow. "You can prove that by taking inventory on the new supplies," he said as he handed you a PADD.

You smirked. "Sure, and while I'm at it, maybe I can find some more lemons for you to bite into," you teased as you took the PADD.

Bones rolled his eyes. “I’ll let that slide today because you were quick on your toes. But just today, keep that in mind,” he added with a short chuckle before walking back to his office.

You turned around to face the supplies, and without another moment’s hesitation you officially started your first day of work on the U.S.S. Enterprise.

***

It had been a month since you joined the crew of the Enterprise. It had proved to be just challenging enough for your liking. You were always doing something, always busy. Every day seemed to bring some new and exciting predicament into your infirmary.

It was a good thing that you and Bones made such good team. To cut the work in half you and Bones had divided the sickbay in two (one side for you, and the other for him). The two of you worked back-to-back in a pleasant rhythm.

You had just finished some last minute tasks on your side and looked over at McCoy. He was frowning at a PADD as he harshly pressed the buttons on it.

"What did that tablet do to you?" you teased as you walked over with a smirk.

Bones tossed the PADD onto a nearby bed. "It just stopped working, cold turkey," he grumbled.

"I guess I’d better get back to work then," you joked as you walked back over to your side. He followed you over and rolled his eyes.

"Not what I meant," he said as he picked another tablet up. "Have these things been workin' for you?" You furrowed your brow. "Actually I think one quit on me yesterday," you informed. You hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but now it seemed a little strange. You looked around, and some of the nurses seemed frustrated with their PADDs too. "What do you think it could be?"

"I’m a doctor not a mechanic," Bones reminded you. You were about to try a different PADD when Captain Kirk walked into the med bay.

"Jim, our tablets aren't working down here," Bones complained before the captain could get one word out.

Kirk sighed. "They aren't on the bridge either. I was hoping for a different story here," he said. “How’s the medical equipment?”

“Working. For now,” Bones grunted. Did he really think they would go out too?

“If the medical equipment goes out we’ll be in big trouble,” you commented

Jim looked over at you like he just noticed you were there. “Have we met?”

“Hardly,” you responded trying to hold back a laugh as you remembered the last time you had seen your captain in person. “I treated you when you were high on Kaddu poisoning.”

“Right,” he said. “I guess we should pick up where we left off.” He extended his hand to you. “Captain James T. Kirk.” Bones pushed him back by his shoulder.

“Can you focus on the task at hand instead of flirting with every girl you see?” he growled. Kirk brushed him off.

“Ah, Bones, not every girl I see, just the good looking ones,” he said with a quick wink to you. Bones rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath.

“Doctor McCoy is right, Captain,” you said trying to direct Kirk’s attention back to the problem. “Our PADDs are where we keep our medical records and files.”

”I’ll get Scotty on it.” Kirk promised. “Until then, Bones, you’ll have to fill out hardcopies of your files.” You could almost feel your wrist cramping for the doctor. Even though there were some files you had to have hard copies for anyway, you knew that adding all the files you put on the PADDS to the list would make things much more difficult for him.

You heard Bones swear under his breath. “Listen, Jim, I’m a doctor not a secretary!” Kirk clapped Bones on the shoulder in mock sympathy.

“I’m sure it’ll be no problem you being the chief medical officer and all,” he taunted. “And if it is I might have to replace you with another more attractive option.” He looked over at you and smiled. You would’ve blushed if you hadn’t known his words were empty. With a final pat on the shoulder he added to Bones, “Don’t take it personally,” and walked out of the med bay.

Bones turned back to his side of the med bay grumbling to himself. You stared after him realizing you probably shouldn’t let him sulk off like that, but you sighed and returned to your own work.

Later in the day Scotty and Keenser came to Sickbay and collected all the tablets. You watched as Bones grudgingly gave the tablets to them, and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. You knew that paperwork was no fun, especially when doing it alone. You walked over to Bone’s side of the medbay.

“Doctor McCoy,” you called to get his attention. He looked up from what he was doing, and walked over to you.

“It’s Bones,” he commented before letting you continue.

“Bones,” you corrected yourself as a couple nurses raised their brows. “If you want, I could stay here and help you with the paperwork,” you offered. You noticed by now that some of the nurses had cleared off his side of the room. Had you done something wrong? You started second guessing yourself, but you saw Bone’s eyes go soft for just a moment. It didn’t last long but you couldn’t get the look out of your mind.

“Well it would be nice to actually get some help around here,” he commented with a side glare to the nurses who had scurried away.

“See you later then,” you said as you hastily turned on your heel and continued to work for the rest of the day.

***

It had been a couple weeks since the all the PADDS had been taken from you and Doctor McCoy. You both stayed late at work to fill out papers, and as a result you and Bones kept losing more and more sleep.

Nobody had expected the PADDS to be gone this long, and people had started noticing other electronic devices giving way. Captain Kirk had reported losing power on the bridge once or twice, which always scared people. But you had to be honest with yourself; you hardly even processed the reports from the bridge anymore. Your lack of sleep just made you more stressed during the day and it took a lot of focus not to turn into a grump like McCoy.

You looked over at him now. His hair was unkempt and his shirt was wrinkled, most-likely from not having enough energy to care about sleeping in it. He seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face even more than before. You used to pass the time with talking, but the only time you talked to each other now, was when you were so bored with paperwork that you finally resorted to social interaction. You felt a buzz on your wrist as your watch told you it was time to clock out. You shut it off and sighed, knowing that the real work had only just begun.

You walked over to McCoys office and opened the door to see him already drowning in papers.

"You should go to bed." Bones grunted without looking up.

"And you shouldn't?" you retorted as you pulled up a chair. "I'm not leaving you to do all this by yourself." You just then realized how much it actually was. It could have just been sleep deprivation talking, but you thought this was the biggest workload yet. Bones glanced over at you but didn't respond and you started filling out the papers.

Two hours of nothing but paper, pen, and ink drove you crazy, and you had to set the pen you were holding down and lean back for a minute. You didn't dare close your eyes for fear of falling asleep and Bones trying to finish this by himself, but you massaged your cramped wrist and stretched your back. You were about to pick up the pen and continue when the speakers in the office suddenly burst out static. You cringed at the sound but it eventually faded away and what came next was even worse. It had to be the corniest southern music you had ever heard blaring through the speakers filling the room. Bones stood up and gave you a questioning look before opening his comlink.

"Jim, what's this?" he yelled over the music. A groggy voice answered.

"What's what, Bones? Is it so important you had to wake me up?" Kirk questioned.

"Sorry to disrupt your beauty sleep, your highness, but could you turn this down or off," Bones scoffed.

"What are you talking about?" Kirk asked exasperated. The music was getting louder at the chorus and you scrambled to find a remote as Bones yelled at Kirk. When you found the remote, the power button didn't work so you had to just turn the music down. Looking up you saw Bones stomping over to you.

"He hung up, that little--"

"The music might actually be nice," you interrupted. "Something to occupy the other half of our minds?"

Bones grunted and trudged back to his desk. You sat down and grabbed the pen, but you couldn't seem to bring your hand to the page. The slow music in the background certainly wasn't helping you stay awake and you were about ready to fall asleep on the desk. You felt your eyes fill with tears and you buried your head in the papers so Bones wouldn't notice. You just wanted to stop doing insane amounts of paperwork every night. Sure you had volunteered in the first place, but you could hardly do it with two people let alone with one. You were about to crash and go to sleep right there when suddenly the music turned up. You looked up to see Bones extending his hand to you.

"You need a break and so do I," he said, prompting you to take his hand. "I actually know this song."

You wanted to just keep working and get the job done, but Bone's soft and caring expression drew you toward him and you took his hand. He pulled you closer to him and rested his hand on your waist. You placed a hand on his shoulder and let him lead you in a slow rocking movement. You held his hand firmly and let him hold you close to him so he could keep you from falling over from exhaustion. You rested your head on his shoulder and even though you felt tired enough to collapse into his arms your heart seemed to be wide awake and very excited to be so close to the doctor. You felt Bones rest his head on yours as he gently lead you to the rhythm.

“I can’t let you keep overworking yourself, Y/N,” he muttered into your hair. You lightly shook your head.

“Work is much more difficult when you’re alone,” you commented quietly. He let go of your hand and wrapped both of his arms around you. You hugged his neck and closed your eyes just for a second.

“Well, if anyone is going to help me, I’m glad it’s you,” he mumbled. You raised your head to look into his eyes. They looked back softly, and he pressed his head against yours.

"Me too," you agreed. He smiled and kissed you gently. You suddenly didn't seem so tired as you smiled into his kiss and hugged him closer to you.

"I love you, Y/N," Bones whispered.

"And I love you, Leonard McCoy," you whispered back. Bones took you by the hand.

"We can finish this tommorow," he decided. "It'll be easier if we're well rested." You nodded in agreement and followed Bones as he lead you to your room.

You stood in the doorway for a moment before saying, "Believe it or not, I may actually be looking foreward to the paperwork tommorow."

Bones chuckled and started walking back to his room. "Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight." You turned around wondering how you would ever get to sleep now, but as soon as you hit the bed you were out cold.

You jumped awake to the sound of Captain James Kirk finishing an announcement over the speakers. Because you were still waking up, you didn't catch all of the annoucement, but you would just ask Bones about it later. You checked the time and saw that you majorly overslept. You quickly got dressed and rushed to Sickbay.

"Sorry I'm late," you said to no one in particular as you jogged through the door. Bones walked over to you immediately.

"Tablets are working again," he said as cheerfully as he seemed capable. "Something about accidentally stumblin' into an electromagnetic field? Fried a couple circuits, including some of the radios, but we should be gettin' out of it now."

You didn't really know how to respond to that. Obviously it was good news, but you wanted to spend more time with Bones.

He must've guessed what you were thinking because he walked closer to you and hugged you. "Hey, this isn't a bad thing. Now we can spend time together under not-so-stressful circumstances."

You smiled at the thought of spending real time with the handsome doctor. "I'd like that," you easily decided. Both of you smiling, you walked back to your sides in the medbay. The speakers were still playing that stupid song from last night, but you didn't mind it so much now. You glanced over at Bones who was already scowling at the tools he held in his hands. Something told you were going to enjoy the rest of your time on the Enterprise.

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #23

Whelp, time for another blast of 20 questions and comments from the inbox. If you were brave enough to use your username I’ve tried to tag you (Thanks Tumblr) but if you were on anon, you’ll have to look yourself.

Would you folks be interested in me answering these sort of short questions in a video instead? Let me know in the replies. Now here we go!

Anonymous said: do u play mobile games on your phone, like animal crossing pocket camp? :O

No, should I? I haven't heard much about it.

@trisaratops45 said: Dr. Ferox, First off I just started following your blog and love it! I'm stuck using mobile so I can't see your faq information. I was just wondering if the clinic you work at sees any exotic or pocket pets? Of so what is your favorite to see and treat? Thank you!

Welcome! We don't see a huge amount of exotics at my clinic, we're not well set up for them, but ferrets are probably my favorites.

Anonymous said: do you follow any medblr blogs? and if you do, are you ever like 'thank goodness i don't have to deal with that' or 'man i wish it was that easy'? question tax: what is your favorite depiction of dragons from fantasy media

I actually had to go check which blogs I was following. No active medblr blogs in the list anyway. I often see real clients, in the flesh, and think 'Im glad i don't have to deal with that', especially when they describe to me their own gross medical problems as though I want to know exactly what's coming out of their orifices. All dragons are good dragons. I don't think i could pick a favorite.

@the-noble-banana said: What style of nail clippers are best for trimming a cat's claws?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I like these ones

Anonymous said: Do dogs get acne? Is that a thing? Just curious! Question tax: if you could shoot something out of your finger, what would it be?

They can get comedones with certain hormonal conditions (black heads) and can get pimple-like lesions with skin infections. I would shoot icy cold water out of my fingers. Great for hot days, and for stupid faces.

Anonymous said: Do you typically bandage and cover amputations? At the vet I worked at (I was only kennel so everything I saw was in passing) every animal who had limb amputation left after a day or two with the incision fully bandaged. My dog had her hind leg amputated and the vet (different one) had her in and out in under three hours and sent her home unbandage. Just out of curiosity is it case by case that you decide to bandage? Gave my mom a little heart attack seeing her all bloody and swollen

We might but a light dressing over them, but in an amputation of anything more than a toe there's often not much to bandage. Limb amputations are typically very high up the limb in dogs and cats and it's hard to bandage something in that position. Also, sometimes dogs eat the dressing.

@crimsonrose95 said: I'm not vet med, but I am into chemistry and physical sciences and the ask talking about chemistry being inconsistent is so weird a thought to me. Biology is way less consistent than chemistry like chemistry is mostly math with elements and compounds while biology is mostly names. It's just really interesting how most people start to think a science they don't like and have trouble in is just the science being completely inconsistent to them. Me included.

I get what you mean. Chemistry has a fairly distinct set of rules, even if they're rules you've not encountered outide of chemistry before. I was never a fan of physics, but it is consistent. Biology likes to bend rules. Life finds a way.

Anonymous said: Why does my cat yell when I try to use the bathroom alone? Question tax: what's your favorite thing about Australia?

Possibly he thinks you need moral support? Or that there's demons in there. My favorite thing about Australia is our universal healthcare system and gun control.

@foxtrottarts said: How common is dewclaw removal in dogs, and what are the benefits/downsides?

Hind dewclaw removal is relatively common at the time of deseing, if they're the sort that flop all over the place and lack a boney attachment. Front dewclaws are usually left, unless removed for a medical reason. I've written about it before here. https://drferox.tumblr.com/search/dewclaw

Anonymous said: Can a dog still have the MDR1 gene if they have never reacted to those drugs in the past (lets says a dog that has regular flea prevention of selemectin)

If the dog has only had a popular flea product containing selamectin but has never had ivermectin, yes they could still have it. MDR1 dogs typically don't react to that product, nor do they react to the annual heartworm injection.

Anonymous said: Hello, I had a question as google only takes me but so far, and the results were iffy at best since it's difficult to locate a vet or someone in a position who would know the answer. How much of a danger is animal or human saliva to pet birds? Some people say kissing the bird, or having another pet such as a dog lick/groom them is an issue, but I'm just lost on if any is true, and would love to find the answer. Thanks a ton in advance since it's all pretty confusing.

It is a potential issue. Carnivore saliva contains many bacterial species that can be devastating to birds or other mammals even through relatively small abrasions. Carnivores should not be permitted to interact with prey species and birds. Cats are especially risky because they're so pointy and because they effectively coat themselves in saliva when grooming. You can find some more information here.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox, we recently had to put our cat down due to health issues. We're pretty sure he had FIP as the last week of his life he had every symptom but one. A website we saw said the virus can live in the environment for weeks afterwards and I was wondering if you knew any sort of approximate time. We aren't ready for another cat yet but occasionally foster a kitten and don't want to bring one into the house and have it get sick

I typically reccomnd 4 months, and replacing bedding, litter trays and food dishes. While you are probably fine with 3 months, given the incurable and devestating nature of FIP (Feline Infection Peritonitis) I prefer to err on the side of caution.

@kumoi-no-hikari said: I got a couple rats a few months ago and the lady I bought them from mentioned that most vets don't know much about rats and will probably do more harm than good unless the situation is extreme. Is that true? They haven't had any issues, but I'm worried about traumatizing them or wasting money if they ever have a problem.

Some vets will certainly be better equiped or more interested in treating rats than others, but you'll only know if you call around and ask them. If they're not keen on seeing rats, they might know somebody who is. I think saying 'most vets don't know X' is unfair when you look at the diversity of vets in the world. Call around, plan for the worst ahead of time.

Anonymous said: Do you know how taxidermy works? I plan this route for my cat when she's passes, do I have to contact them before the body stiffens or position her first?

No idea. But I would contact them well in advance incase they have waiting lists or something. But I would think very carefully about whether taxidermy of a pet is something you definitely want.

Anonymous said: Hey there! What’s your favorite brand of stethoscope?

The Littman is what I use and have been very happy with my Classic II.

Anonymous said:Our poodle mix loved grabbing a mouthful of food then running to the living room to eat it - not necessarily to be near us, he just would eat over carpet. Sometimes we'd rearrange the living room so it wasn't a direct shot from the dining room and he'd still run around the furniture to eat there. He also once pooped one piece on each stair when we were gone all day for some unfathomable reason.

There is so much that could be going on there, but since you didn't seem to ask a question I'm not sure what you'd like me to say.

Anonymous said: On the topic if dog eating things they shouldn't. A shitzu swallowed the end of a large chew bone whole and when she puked It up it was about the size of my fist.

Little dogs often seem to overestimate what they can safely eat. Westies seem to be the worst for this though, and are a common breed to see for stuff getting stuck in their oesophagus.

Anonymous said: About people thinking vets are scammers, my family was so bad with this when I was a child. I remember I had a sick kitten, I was around 8, it had some lung issues and I begged and cried to vet it and my dad said "pray really really really hard to God every hour, and maybe he'll bring a miracle!" and the cat died the next day :( I get so LIVID when people refuse taking their pets to vets for stuff that cannot wait. Makes me wanna slap those people senseless!

Your Dad sounds like a lazy asshole and a cheapskate. Even if god existed, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being dialed up for a miracle like a pizza delivery.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that i recently adopted an older orange tabby cat (dsh) and he is large. like not just fat (which we are working on), but unusually tall and long. like. maine coon size. he has so far used his size to swipe bacon off a kitchen counter and remain an effective roadblock. he's very calm and sweet, i love my big fat baby.

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure your big orange boy loves you back too.

@mise-en--place said: Thought you might appreciate this. We got records on a cat today and on a previous visit they stated; "BCS 5/9. Cat appears to be about 7lbs through the gloves and towel." We got a good laugh, cat was actually quite calm for her visit.

I received a history for my old cat Dippa who had once very badly bitten this other vet that only said "Appears healthy in cage. Vaccinated in cage. Dr Ferox is welcome to come and perform a dental on her own cat any time she likes." I took that to mean "I'm not touching this hellbeast. You deal with her."

[ion0ra]

Story Time

So, as a lot of you who've ever seen my family posts will understand, they're pretty messed up. Like, there's lighter things from just bad jokes, to things like full-on bigotry and abuse.

I wanna lay it all out, because I was thinking about it and wanted to get it off my chest.

So, there are 3 kinds of messed up with my parents, all their own special brew of abusive and neglectful.

So, you have my mother. She seems like a typical Southern mom on the surface. You can see her at church. At Wal-Mart. Dresses kinda trashy. Big & loud hair, and bad teeth. But if you knew her for longer than a week, you started to get this vibe from her you couldn't quite put your finger on until you REALLY knew her.

She's one of the few people I genuinely hate in this world. Growing up, she called me names (to my face) like "fat," "stupid," and other such names, and constantly verbally demeaned, bullied, and abused me (she'd constantly "joke" about things she disapproved of, sometimes even so far as to physically do things to me I'd rather not discuss publicly; she'd withhold information from me constantly, the list goes on. When my parents were talking about getting divorced, she took me to the Taco Bueno/Raising Cane's parking lot shortly after my birthday and told me and made me choose right then and there who I wanted to live with (which is a whole other emotional experience.)) She'd do things from her "jokes," to the "punishment" she came up with where every time I said something she didn't like, she'd slap my face.

Point blank. Didn't matter where or when it was, she did it. More often than not, it was whenever she felt like.

And then there was the privacy invasions. At first, it seemed logical (for someone who's grown up like that) that she saw everything. All my game accounts were linked to hers, and she knew my school-assigned email address (they used it to help teach us about "the real world".) I wasn't allowed to have a phone until age 13, which she could go through any time she wanted.

She'd punish me for whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, however she wanted. One summer (and this was in Texas, in an area where it gets particularly hot/humid) she locked me out of the house all day (from 9 until about 6 or 7 at night, whenever she decided to get back,) and told me I wasn't allowed back inside (she would contest that because she only forbade me from entering, and told my older sister and two stepsisters I was allowed exactly 1 five-minute bathroom break all day and to tie me down outside if I needed to be, that she "technically" didn't lock me out) until she got back. I wasn't allowed any food, and had to drink from a dirty ass hose. I wasn't allowed to accept help from anyone, and my sisters weren't allowed to take food outside to me. She got home that evening and made me go straight to bed, then said I "hadn't learned anything" and made me do it all over again. I literally went 48 straight hours without food during that time.

The thing she was "punishing" me for? My dog had decided it wanted to lay down while I was taking it for a walk and got his belly a little red and some dirt on it.

Point is, knowing my mother, she was out-right abusive. Case #1 for abusive parents. From her, trust issues and paranoia got amplified, but those are whole other stories.

My dad and stepmom, on the other hand, were more into the manipulative side of things (my dad resorting to getting physical "if need be.")

My dad looks like a quirky guy on the outside. Tall, bald, tattooed. If you meshed with him, you'd get along swimmingly. Otherwise, you were me.

At first, I didn't notice his bigotry (I mean how could I? I was basically a smaller version of him, but not quite.) It wasn't until I'd gotten on Tumblr (about 2010 ish was when I first got on? If I remember correctly) and started questioning basically everything about myself when I started recognizing the subtler things, and it was definitely apparent when my older sister moved in with us.

At the time, she'd left my mom's house (because she'd gotten to her, too) and I was about 14-15. I found out before my parents did that she was actually transgender (and went by he/him pronouns, had a support group, etc.) I was like "oh cool I've always wanted an older brother" but the condition was I not tell my parents until it had already been brought up.

Now... Especially with my dad, he'll say he'll support someone he cares about unconditionally, but if you do something he doesn't agree with, he'll either get... Apprehensive, or just straight-up drop you. When he found out about my older brother, he basically bullied "the phase" (as my dad called it) out of him. It officially ended with a Christmas story that actually involves my stepmom.

Anyways, that's where I started finding out that even though he claimed to be unconditionally supportive, he wasn't.

Long story short, had a Tumblr and a support group, they found out about it, literally took everything away from me and invaded my privacy on literally all my accounts, told me I was "being enabled" because I had friends who'd sent me positivity during a barage of Anon hate, wouldn't even listen to me when I tried to explain how I literally didn't know how some of the stuff that was on there wasn't me (someone has gained access to my account and basically started up a sideblog that let's just say a 14-year-old shouldn't even look at, much less have,) tried to get me to tell them "the whole truth" and when I came out about my sexuality had to bottle it up again and act like it was "just a phase" because of how they reacted, and over the course of the next 5 years tried to invade my privacy as much as they possibly could. (Hell, even today, my dad still has my old email account on his phone to "check on it")

He's the kinda guy who would physically restrain me from doing something, then claim I voluntarily didn't do it. The list goes on.

My stepmother was arguably one of the most manipulative people I ever knew. Anti-vaxxer (to the point that she signed a consent form saying neither of my little sisters could get immunization shots from their schools and when asked about it, shrugged it off and was like "they don't need them," but there was more), terf bangs, the whole shebang. Would constantly goad people, then when someone called her out on it acted like she was the victim. Got my dad to yell at me/restrain me because I was "being too aggressive" trying to not have a panic attack because she was yelling. Got the word "ridiculous" banned in the house (yes, literally banned.) So, so much more.

She'd constantly demean me and talk down to me and about me, tell my sister's they didn't have to listen or pay attention to me, and when I brought it up to my dad/publicly, she'd simply act confused and say she didn't know what I was talking about, or that I was misremembering (a common tactic my mother used that my dad and stepmom hated.) One time, my dad actually asked me if she turned into my mother when she was gone, and I paused for a moment and was like "I mean yeah." (Don't ask how that resolved.)

She was the kind of woman who would slap you in the face and then talk to you long enough to try to convince you that you were never actually slapped in the face (unlike my mom, who would and would just tell you you deserved it.) This was the woman who, when my older sister's friend asked how her son was doing, almost caused a scene by loudly stating that her "daughter was doing just fine and I'll let her know that you were thinking about her." (Mind you this friend didn't know that my older brother was trans. This friend only knew him as he, and once even when I slipped up they didn't seem to notice it.)

All my parents would constantly demand someone access my email, messages, and history at any given point. I had friends who I talked to about this that I was scared shitless my parents would find out about because I didn't wanna lose them. I made so many accounts to cover my tracks I've literally lost access to a lot of them because I just can't remember the login details. My parents constantly told me "if you're hiding something that means you know it's bad" out of the blue, keeping me in a constant state of paranoia.

One time, I'd accidentally left my phone in my room and my dad walked in and stayed in for an abnormally long amount of time. I didn't go in because I knew they would definitely see that as a sign something was up, and just rode out my anxiety until my dad walked out, a hand in his pocket. He made this dramatic deal of calmly saying "Now... You know the rules... I'll forgive you this time, but next time will be worse... Especially after what's happened before..." And I was freaking the fuck out. He looked at me and laughed as he pulled a candy wrapper out of his pocket. He said he chose those words specifically because he wanted to see what kind of reaction he'd get out of me.

There are so many other examples I could bring up that I don't have the time or emotional energy to all in one post, but it breaks my heart there are still people who don't believe there are people like this out there. I once had a guy ask "well if your mom's that bad how come she's not in prison?" And my reply was simple: "Because she can cover herself up well." Parents like this are out there. People like this are out there. Please don't let this be your relationships in any fashion because you don't deserve it.

tl;dr: parental abuse and violations take many different forms. If you have any parents or people you know like this, as soon and as safely as you can, get the fuck out. They may only damage you permanently even worse.

The post that got me thinking about all this over the last emotion-charged hour and a half: https://freckledfemme.tumblr.com/post/169530766178/omgwhy-bpdcalvinfischoeder-staar84