#anyways yeah I used your prompt to write a big scene in the AU hope you don't mind~

[onlyseokmins]

Hey love!! Hope you're doing great!

So umm I'm a person to read and write, so I was wondering, how the heck do you come up with ideas for your fics😭?! Like I loved and read every single fic that you've written so far and they are all so good that I can't help it but to reread them every time, but yeah like I'm starting to feel like getting back to writing and all, yet I don't know what to write about, so I thought asking one of my favorite writers wont hurt😚

aw, first off thank you sm!! and second, best of luck to you on revitalizing your writing journey! Having done it at least 3 times, I'm totally cheering you on!! I, unfortunately, have a never-ending flow of ideas always rushing into my head (and hardly the time/energy to actually write them out jsdkfjs) but I'm more than happy to share some ways on how I get that inspiration lol

The medium itself Since I've always written a ton of fanfic, a lot of my inspiration comes from whatever hyperfixation that is. For example, in kpop - it could be from the music they create, their "lore" or theme, activities they participate in, etc. On the other hand, for areas like animanga - changing canon events (big fav!!), putting my own character/reader into the canon/universe, taking a favorite scene or soundtrack and making a scenario around it, using the lore/universe as a base for another fandom, etc.

Alternate Universes A big fav of course! In the kpop fandom, obviously most writers don't keep the already-famous stars famous - you can! - but why not explore more? Generally, they're just some normal person you'd hang out with every day or something. Or they're famous for a completely different reason! Here's where a lot of fun tropes come in aka my personal favorite - best friends to lovers. You could also do a popular fantasy theme - vampires, werewolves, magicians, soul mates, etc. The world is your oyster! Shape it however you want! For example, camming!au's are super popular but they can all be a little different even if the main theme and idea are the same. Think of why someone decides to be a cam!person, what motivates them, what they don't want found out, where or how they do it, etc. and boom - multiple scenarios can be born!

Prompts/Collabs Prompts are a great way to get started on an idea. Doing a quick google search for writing prompts is a surefire way to get started. Here are just two of many tumblr blogs I like (here and here) and there's plenty out there to find! I've also used song/movie book quotes as prompts. I'd also cautiously recommend joining writing networks if you'd like. Networks often hold events/collaborations for their members to spark inspiration and/or tumblr mutuals do the same! Talking with people is also a great way to find inspiration and keep the motivation going! Also feel free to ask for prompts in your ask box!!!

Reading!!! (or watching lol) Read, read, read! Read other fanfics, books, manga/manhwa/comics or watch a favorite show. I can't tell you how many times something I'm consuming has inspired me whether trope, scenario, pairing, universe, or logistic wise. For example, whenever I get into a new fandom, I'm always searching for fanfics to read to see how people characterize or experiment with an idea. I call it doing my research lol. It gives me confidence to pursue an idea plus I just love reading anyways. AO3 has been a great source for personally. Also, finally I think if you really like an idea someone came up with, you can come up with your own spin on it. You can even reach out to the writer and talk to them about it and at the very least, reference their story in your credits/author's note. Building a community together and helping other's find their inspiration is usually like the highest compliment!!!! (It goes without saying not to plagiarize, steal, copy, or do any sneaky/malicious behavior when doing so lol!)

Combine ideas My last tip is just a personal thing I do because I tend to get overwhelmed by how many ideas I have and where to even start. My brain tends to come up with poignant little scenes I really like (during the most inopportune time like showering or washing dishes lmao) but I daydream a lot and usually have no substance other than one sentence, title, trope, or scenario to go off. And I have a terribly huge wip (work in progress) graveyard. So when I opened the blog specifically, I've used a lot of those old, unused ideas and tried to incorporate them into something new or combined. I just like to do that to eliminate overloading my drafts lmfao! (for example: I wanna do a princess/knight and priestess/god story and boom - can combine those together!) This can also help brew up a series if you're feeling so inspired.

[thelastspeecher]

Super hero au, baking, After discovering his ability to manipulate flames, Stanley decides to abuse this power by baking the cakes his mother used to make when he was younger. And as it turned out, criminals are less likely to mug people in dark alleys if they're given free food. So now Stan is fighting crime both with and without his mask!

🍰 - baking

In what has become a very obvious pattern, I didn’t completely follow your suggestion nor baking prompt.  Technically, it’s related, and inspired by both those things.  Also, I decided to set this in the Superhero AU where Angie’s a supervillain named Sirocco, bc that was what I got inspired for.  Anyways, hope you like it!

Send in an emoji and I’ll write a ficlet!

              Stan groaned silentlyto himself.

              I hate going to the bank.  Ialways get stuck behind some moldy oldie who insists on paying their bills orwhatever with pennies.  Currently, hehad been waiting for fifteen minutes, and was still at the back of theline.  Stan sighed and looked around thequiet, calm bank.  Man, what I wouldn’t give for a distraction.  Somethin’ to keep me from dying of boredom.

              Crash!  Stan instinctivelyducked at the sound of a glass breaking.

              What the hell happened?

              “All right,everybody on the ground, now!” a voice shouted. Stan’s eyes widened; the voice sounded familiar.  He turned around.  Standing proudly in front of the broken glassdoors was his archnemesis, the supervillainess named Sirocco.

              Fuck!  I don’t have my heroingduds on me.  And even if I did, I wouldn’tbe able to mask up without everyone here seeing.  Stan subtly pressed the “SOS” button on hissquad communicator, kept in his back pocket. Hopefully someone can show upbefore Sirocco takes all my dough.

              “Hey, you!” Siroccosaid, noticing him.

              “Uh, me?” Stanasked.

              “Yeah.  Why aren’t you on the floor?”

              “There’s kinda glasseverywhere,” Stan pointed out.  Siroccostormed over to him.  Stan stood stockstill as she stared directly into his face.

              Shit, shit, shit.  What if sherecognizes me?  Sure, she’s never seen mewithout my mask.  But Shermie recognizedme before I even had a chance to introduce myself as Flamethrower.  Sirocco frowned at him.  Something akin to recognition flashed in herblue eyes.  Stan swallowed nervously.  After a moment, Sirocco took a step back fromhim.

              “You seem familiar, stranger,”she said.  

              “I, uh, I hear thata lot.”

              “Hmm.”  Sirocco looked him up and down.  “Don’t know if I buy that, but whatever.”  She began to make her way to the teller.

              “Hey!” Stan blurtedout impulsively.  Sirocco spunaround.  A hot wind picked up in the banklobby.

              “Are you reallygoing to try my patience?  You know who Iam, right?” Sirocco demanded.

              “Yeah.  You’re one of the Twister Twins.”

              “That I am.  I’m a supervillain.  You don’t want to mess with me.”

              “Okay, yeah, yeah,”Stan said, his mind working furiously to come up with a solution that didn’tinvolve revealing his secret identity to everyone at his bank.  “But…maybe you could, I dunno, not…steal ourmoney?”  Sirocco cracked a half-smile.

              “Heh.”  She sounded genuinely amused.  “You’ve got guts.  But what could you offer me that’s betterthan a bunch of money?”  Stan looked at hisbag.  He didn’t really have anything onhim, except for…

              “Homemadesnickerdoodles,” Stan said.  Heimmediately squeezed his eyes shut.

              Fuck, shit, damn! That was a mistake!

              “Homemade…snickerdoodles?”Sirocco said.  Stan opened his eyes.  Sirocco was completely taken off guard.  She stared at him in confusion.  “What- why would ya offer somethin’ likethat?”

              Hold on, Sirocco has a southern accent? She must cover it up normally. Sirocco’s eyes widened as she realized that she had let her accentslip.  She cleared her throat loudly.

              “Those must be the bestcookies in the world,” she said.

              Aaaand the accent’s gone.

              “Nah, I mean, I made‘em.  I dunno if they’re the best in theworld.”

              “You made them?  You don’t look like the type.”

              “Yeah, but, I, uh, Iam.”  Stan opted to not tell her that thereason he was into baking was due to his heat and fire-related abilities.  Sirocco chuckled softly.

              “You’re aninteresting person, Mr…?”

              “I’d rather not say,”Stan said.  Sirocco raised an eyebrow athim.

              “Oh?”

              Was that the wrong thing to do? Sirocco stared at him for a moment. She nodded, marched back to him, and held her hand out.

              “You amused me, stranger,” she said, emphasizing thelast word.

              Oh, no.  That can’t be good.

              “Give me thosesnickerdoodles, and I’ll be on my way.”

              “Wait, really?”

              “Really.”  Sirocco smiled charmingly at him.

              She definitely knows something. Stan rummaged around in his bag and pulled out the plastic containerwith the snickerdoodles he had planned on bringing to Shermie.  I canalways make more.  He handed her thecookies.

              “Thanks,” Sirocco chirped.  She winked at him, then turned on her heeland exited the bank, stepping daintily through the broken glass doors.  Stan stared after her, dumbstruck.

              How the fuck did that work?

----- 

Six Months Later

              Stan landed at thebrawl just as it was ending.  He huffedand shut off his flames.

              Great, missed another fight. He looked around.  Most of themasks involved had dispersed already, but he caught a glimpse of one of theTwister Twins ducking into an alley.  He ranafter the supervillain.

              “Hey, Tsunami!” Stancalled.  The male Twister Twin froze.  “I know that’s your codename.”  Tsunami, the Twister Twin, spun around.

              “How do you know that?” Tsunami snarled,marching over to him.

              “Sirocco told me,”Stan answered.  Tsunami’s eyes widened.

              Huh.  Gray, notblue like Sirocco.

              “Wha- you know her codename too?  What’s going on with you and my sister, huh,Flamethrower?”  

              “It’s…complicated,”Stan managed.  Tsunami scowled.

              “That’s not goodenough.  Look, buddy, Sirocco might be mytwin, but she’s younger ‘n me.  So thatmeans she’s my baby sister.  I don’t likewhatever weird thing is goin’ on with her and some hero.”  Tsunami was getting upset to the point thathis accent was starting to slip.

              Pretty sure he’d kill me if I told him that we’vehooked up twice.  Masks on, yeah, butstill.  If he’s the older twin…

              “I don’t think you wannaknow the details,” Stan said quietly.  Tsunamifrowned at him, confused.

              “What does-”  Tsunami cut himself off and took a stepback.  “Oh.  Oh, no. No.”

              “Uh…surprise?” Stansaid.  Tsunami slammed a fist against oneof the brick walls of the alley.

              “Consarnit!  No wonder she told me to go easy on ya!”  Tsunami glared at Stan.

              If looks could kill, I’d be six feet under rightnow.  Damn.  This seems like an overreaction to finding outyour sister has an active sex life.

              “Whattaya want,Flamethrower?  Spit it out, so that I cango home and talk to my sister about this,” Tsunami spat.

              “I just- I made hersome cookies.”  Tsunami stared at him.

              “…What?”

              “I, uh, I haven’tseen her robbing banks for a while.  Ipoked around, heard that she’s on some kinda sick leave?”

              “You could call itthat,” Tsunami muttered.

              “And, uh, I mean- yeah,we’re archenemies or whatever, but…I like to think I’m getting through toher.  And even if we punch each other inthe face all the time, doesn’t mean I want her to be so sick that she’s gottatake months off.”

              “Yeah, that soundslike a ‘hero’ thing to do.  ‘Speciallysince ya have a…thing goin’ on.”  Tsunamirolled his eyes.  “Hand ‘em over, BoyScout.”

              “I’m not a Boy Scout,”Stan said, digging the small package of cookies he had stashed out of hispocket.  He gave the cookies toTsunami.  “Pretty damn far from it,actually.”

              “Hmph.”  Tsunami frowned at the cookies.  “These aren’t goin’ to poison An- Sirocco orsomethin’, are they?”

              Wait.  Did healmost slip up on his sister’s name?  Hemust be really putoff by all this.

              “No, they’re normalsnickerdoodles,” Stan said.  Tsunamisighed.

              “I’ll test ‘em justto make sure.”  Tsunami turnedaround.  “Thanks or whatever.”

              “Yeah, no- noproblem,” Stan said.  His heart wasracing.

              I knew I shouldn’t have hooked up with Sirocco.  I caught feelings for her, and she’s agoddamn supervillain.  Stan watchedTsunami walk away.  A sick supervillain.  Really sick.  For three months.  Stan frowned. Yeah, three months.  About a month after we did it the secondtime.  Eh, more like six weeks after thathookup.  Stan turned around and beganto walk away.  He froze, rememberingsomething.  Hang on, didn’t Shermie say something aboutsix weeks, when they had that “surprise” kid?  Ice suddenly filled Stan’s veins.  Itusually takes about six weeks for someone to realize…

              “Shit,” Stanwhispered.

              Tsunami was angry about more thanjust his sister hooking up with me.

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

Oh sweet Scribe! About the mpreg au: a long while ago, you mentioned something about Robbie/Purah building an ultrasound machine and that's how the Yiga Boys found out they were having triplets. Any chance we could see that scene? Partly because I'm dying for Kohga freaking out and Sooga jumping for joy, but also because I really want to see you write Robbie and Purah since you haven't used them yet. Thank yoooou! 😁

God the pregnancy au- long time since I've even thought about it? Suppose I can dip back into it.

"Kohga, Sooga! You two cool cats got a second?"

Kohga and Sooga were at Hyrule castle, having tea with the princess. They were chatting when Robbie decided to interrupt. Sooga was about to scold him for such, when Kohga waved him down.

"Depends, what do you need?"

"Well, word around the block is, your pregnant, which is PERFECT for us! Me and Purah, by prompting of the princess, have decided to take a side focus on more practical technology-"

"You're losing me, Robbie."

Robbie nodded in understanding.

"Right right- TLDR; we made a machine that can tell us what you’re packing in there."

THAT got Sooga's attention, as well as the princess'.

"You fixed that machine? Thought you were struggling with it?"

"'Were' being the keyword, princess. So, we get a yes?"

Robbie dramatically motioned to Kohga. Did HE WANT to do this? Nope. Hell, he liked to ignore the fact that by some miracle of sheikah science, he was a pregnant man. But seeing Sooga's hopeful face, he sighed.

"Fine, fine. Sooga, help me up here, yeah?"

Kohga was pretty far along. He needed help getting in and out of seats, and of course, Sooga didn't at all mind it. The four of them made it back to the lab, where Purah, as well as a few other scientists were waiting. Purah nodded at them, beckoning them to a table.

"Kohga! Glad you could make it. Thought Robbie would put you off."

"'Put people off'? My esteemed colleague, I SELL the performance-"

He was interrupted by Purah walking towards Kohga, smacking Robbie on his ass on her route. People thought they were dating for reasons like this, but in truth, they were just the worst best friends you've ever seen.

"ANYWAY- Kohga, if you can take a seat here, we can get started."

With some help from Sooga, Kohga was able to lay down on the table, despite how somewhat uncomfortable it was.

"Easy on the force next time, P, it's how I get the gals!"

"You mean your mom?"

Purah high fived Kohga as she pulled out the sheikah slate. Sooga clung rather close to her hip, being rather obvious in his curiosity.

"So...it's a shiekah slate program?"

"Yep! First it was a big machine, but it kiiinda had an issue."

They looked at Robbie, who shrugged.

"It uh. Kept exploding- nothing new in the big rockin' world of science!"

They watched as Robbie posed rather dramatically. Purah chuckled.

"It happens more often than you think. Anyhow, Robbie, you updated the camera right?"

"Yeah!"

Purah put the slate to Kohga's stomach. Sooga peered over her still, watching intently.

"What exactly do we hope to see?"

"Well, don't get your hopes too high. We're not gonna have an exact look at the little ones. BUT we should be able to see figures."

Robbie was at her side in a second, nodding.

"Though, we might have to restart the device. It gets infants confused with burritos sometimes. Had one for lunch, said I was expecting."

Zelda, rightfully so, looked at them in confusion.

"How...does it mix those two up? They're nothing alike?"

"Well I mean, you wrap burritos like babies, that's one."

That was so bad, even Purah had to smack his side. They looked like they were about to bicker, when the slate dinged. The three of them peered at the screen. Like a filter, it looked past the clothes, past the flesh, right into his artificial womb. Sooga cocked his head. Black figures in a gray background- suffice to say he was confused. Robbie and Purah nodded at each other, clearly surprised.

"Woah."

"We are. SO good at this?"

Sooga, looming over Robbie, gestured to the screen.

"Can you please explain exactly what we're looking at?"

"These black spaces? With the gray figures inside of them? Those are fetuses."

"So...wait. Does that mean-"

Purah nodded, clearly proud in their endeavors.

"Means you got TRIPLETS! And, based on what these numbers are telling me, they're all boys! You guys are proud parents of THREE boys!"

There was a silence in the room. All there audible were the light 'clicking' sounds from Robbie's glasses. Kohga was ready to flip shit, ABSOLUTELY bot ready for three entire kids. But then he watched as Sooga grabbed the slate, looking at the screen.

"Three...children. Three BOYS. Ours? My own?"

The two scientists nodded at him, clearly worried about what was going to happen. Sooga took a deep breath, before bowing at Kohga.

"Master Kohga. May I be excused for a moment?"

"I...yeah. Go ahead."

"Thank you."

Sooga turned, and BOLTED, Purah barely able to catch the slate as he let it fall. Kohga groaned, holding his head.

"I didn't think him of all people would be upset-"

"I'M GOING TO HAVE SONS, YOU ALL CAN EAT S H IT. YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU, EAT MY ASS, I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER!!!!"

"I have two sons-"

"WELL MINE ARE AUTOMATICALLY BETTER."

Sooga walked back in a second later, calm and composed.

"Pardon me, I needed air. This is. Absolutely fantastic news."

Kohga rolled his eyes.

"Sooga, you wanna freak out, you have full permission, really."

"OH THANK GANON- I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER! OF THREE!!!"

Sooga held Robbie by his shoulders, shaking him furiously. Purah and Zelda watched on, laughing as Sooga was clearly just ENTHRALLED with the idea. He let go of the disoriented Robbie, turning to Kohga.

"You, are going to be a father, ALONGSIDE me! Isn't that INCREDIBLE?!"

Sooga was holding onto his hands so tenderly, with eyes so honest and sweet, it melted Kohga's heart.

"I...yes. It's. Great, Sooga. In fact- why don't you go to tell everyone? Hell, tell Rhoam, Daruk, everyone."

"That's a WONDERFUL idea! You three mind attending to his needs for just a moment?"

"Not at all!"

"Good! I LOVE you!"

Sooga kissed his forehead, before dashing out the door, whooping and hollering like an absolute fool. The second he was out of hearing distance, Kohga covered his masked face in his hands, muffling his screams. Zelda, confused, held onto Kohga's knee, in clear worry.

"What's the matter? You seemed so excited when Sooga-"

"It's called 'faking it', and honey, you gotta do that a LOT in a relationship. I just. Oh my GOD WHAT THE FUCK, I GOT THRE E BASTARDS?!"

Purah, sensing a meltdown, hoped that patting his shoulder would help.

"Kohga, easy! Kids are easy! Kinda. I wouldn't know I've never had any-"

"MY BODY IS GONNA BE RUINED!!!!"

Kohga groaned even louder, kicking his feet like HE was the child. Robbie shrugged, just at a loss as to how to contribute here.

"I mean, you get to be a dilf."

"....okay helps a little actually."

Zelda sighed.

"Kohga, it won't be so bad, we promise. We'll help every step of the-"

"HE'S HAVING TRIPLETS?!"

They looked at Mipha, who had suddenly slammed the doors wide open. Kohga shook his head, both comforted, and horrified that Mipha was here already.

"Yes, Mipha I'm having-"

"I'm going to be the BEST aunt ever."

"How did you even get here so fast-"

"Stole a horse. Long story."

Kohga was absolutely NOT ready for this. But at least he had people on his side. Even if...it was a lot.

[lululawrence]

Can you recomend any kidfic’s? Particularly where one of them already has a child! Thank you!

hello my dear nonnie! you know what’s funny about kid fic like this? i don’t usually seek them out, but i’m not against them either, and i’m so glad because i’ve read some really amazing ones. since you didn’t specify pairing, i hope you don’t mind but i’m including other pairings here too (mostly because some of my very favorite kid fics ever were actually tomlinshaw hehe).

so here we go! these are some fics i’ve loved where one of the protagonists has a kid :D hopefully there’s some on here you’ve not read before and you find some new fics to love! 

as always, please show your thanks to the authors with kudos and nice comments!

come on over, we've got something to share by @jaerie - A/B/O fic featuring omega harry and alpha louis. they’re neighbors and both have kids, and it’s so hot but it’s also got such a lovely deeper layer to it as well. i love this fic very much a lot!

Down From the North by @chelsea-frew - this is SUCH a lovely christmas fic! harry and louis have been dating for long enough that louis is ready to introduce harry to his daughter, but when they’re introduced it turns out his daughter has already met harry. it’s just SOOOO cute the way it all unrolls. hehe

try to not remember (rather than forget) by @hereforlou - ANGST TRAIN! established relationship fic where harry has been in a coma for YEARS. ACTUAL. YEARS. so when he wakes up there’s a lot of catching up to do.............. including meeting their child. TEARS MY FRIENDS. this fic was incredible. so anyway. get ready for pain, but you’ll like it ;)

He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much) by @afangirlfantasy - i just really love crying over kid fics, okay? lollllll this one is one of those where they knew each other when they were younger, lost touch, and then reconnect when they’re older, right? but add in marcel and single father louis and oh gosh. so many tears. like when i reread my comment i kinda laughed, because apparently i ran out of tissues and made my poor husband get me a new box so i could keep reading and crying lollllll so anyway. a great fic, highly recommend, once again get ready for pain. lol

Eye of the Zebra by @sadaveniren - lmaoooo listen, this fic was written for @wordplayfics and the prompt was zebra, and then sada went and found a hilarious tumblr post to base the fic off of and i about died. this fic is actually from the pov of the child, and it’s GREAT. 100% recommend. lol

Liminal by @thousandbelow - okay listen. if you have never read anything by kodi, you’re missing out. she has such a way of creating a very specific feel and atmosphere to her fics. truly, it’s a gift, and this fic throws you entirely into louis’ world. it’s incredible and the story is amazing and hard to read in some ways and it’s just. wonderful.

Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren - SINGLE FATHER AND SECRET OMEGA HARRY!!! during his very first heat he was mated by an alpha who wasn’t there when he came to and he had twins. THE WORLD BUILDING! THE LIFE HE BUILT FOR HIMSELF! THE WAY HE MEETS LOUIS AND THINGS COME TOGETHER!!!!!! gahhhhhhhh and listen, these kids are SO REAL. i love it.

happiness hits like a train on a track by leighbot - tomlinshaw fic! tbh i went to scan the fic to be sure i was thinking of the right fic and then accidentally spent 20 minutes reading and had to cut myself off so i could finish this lmaooooo SO ANYWAY single father louis moves in next door to liam and harry, who do as many happy couples do and try setting louis up on dates so he can find his happily ever after like they have lmaooooo it clearyl doesn’t work, but then one night his daughter gets sick and duh duh duhhh! doctor nick to the rescue! the humor, the banter, the rhythm of this fic is all incredible and obvs sucks you in lol i love it 

Come and Get Your Love by @rsadelle​ - another tomlinshaw! this is a five times fic and both nick and louis are fathers and it’s so wonderful. the fic revolves around them taking their kids to each other’s houses for play dates and such, but there’s also little interludes and there’s history you want to learn and you slowly put things together and i just... oh gosh i loved the feel of this fic so much. every single character in this made me wanna be part of their friend group lol

i've a feeling it's time to try (love it if we made it) by serenityandtea - I LOOOOOVE THIS FIC SO VERY MUCH SO SO SO MUCH SO VERY INCREDIBLY MUUUUUCH. i just... deep breaths. yeah. okay. tomlinshaw! yoga instructor and single parent louis! nick basically stumbles into a class of louis’ and of course has to go back. lol it’s famous/non-famous, there’s so much DEPTH to SO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS. i just. fuck. i love it in a lot of different ways and it is truly one of my very favorite kid fics EVER.

Things There Might Be Pictures Of series by @andyouknowitis - established relationship, featuring george shelley as harry and louis’ kid! listen, lj has the most amazing writing, they build these incredible worlds for us and the detail, the intricacies involved in this series! it’s just mindblowing. gorgeous. wonderful. there’s such truth in the snippets we are able to have here, and i love them.

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene by @allwaswell16​ - i STILL giggle when i think of this fic and i read it almost three years ago now, okay? this one sticks with you. it is short and sweet and just a total nightmare for a parent, but also such fun lololol you just really have to read it if you haven’t cause it’s a gem

Home for Christmas by @haloeverlasting​ - HALLMARK CHRISTMAS AU KID FIC! truly it’s amazing. harry didn’t think he wanted kids but then he wakes up! and he’s got a husband and kids! hahaha oh gosh this fic has such feeling and i legit have built it up so much in my mind that i truly thought it had so many more hits than it does?? how?? does it not have more love? anyway. i love this fic very much, it is so soft and lovely and i adore.

Packed Lunches, Sticky Fingers and Accidental Levitation by @londonfoginacup - this fic made me cry... but not because it’s sad? lollll okay so it’s witch harry who has an entire house full of kids and all the chaos that brings. he does it all himself and is not doing a great job at staying on top of everything. he really needs help, and fae zayn finally makes a decision for him and sends louis. and listen. louis does so much for harry that i as a parent who have felt very much the same way that harry did, i cried. lollll but anyway, it is such a lovely and soft and beautiful fic AND THE SEQUEL!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!! so anyway. an absolute fav of mine, right here, and that’s saying something cause emmu is one of my fav writers.

Took Me by Surprise by @becomeawendybird - listen. famous/famous, secret relationship kid fic? you hear what i’m saying?? louis was making a name for himself in the world of MLS when he got injured so he’s now a big name commentator and he has this sassy daughter who is in love with singer harry styles, so naturally things happen, right? gosh I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH. i’m just sitting here remembering everything i love about it, and i can’t name it all, so please read it.

[taelme]

Vampire!Bang Chan

genre: childhood friends-to-lovers!au, vampire!au, (fluff, mild angst, slow burn, slightly suggestive)

pairing/s: Chan / Reader (ft Minho and Mingyu don't ask me why I just thought they would fit) 

word count: 20k (I didn't realise this would be as long as it is rip) 

tw: mentions of blood and fighting, coarse language

a/n: hope u guys have as much fun reading this as I had writing it!! its a little different from the usual vampire aus, kind of modern? in a way? but yes ! anyway requests are currently open! so do feel free to request~~ 

"Honey, you know it's not like...they haven't been in our neighbourhood before," your mom eyed your new neighbour suspiciously, something in the way she spoke and the way she held herself seeming too familiar to dismiss.

"You can't be serious..." your dad glanced nervously between the woman and their child, a pale curly haired boy who was currently making their way over to where you were in the classroom, wanting to play with the same toys as you, "they have a kid!" your father tried to reason.

"Va-" your mom lowered her voice, "vampires can have children...I've seen it happen before."

Your mom kept her gaze (or glare, it was a very fine line now) fixed firmly onto the neighbours.

"And don't think I haven't noticed how the blood bags in the hospital have been disappearing ever since they moved in."

"I mean, yeah. Of course they're disappearing, because we have to use them? For the patients?" Your dad shrugged, his grip tightening around his camera hanging from his neck, feelings of anxiousness building within him as well (even if he was dead set on not showing it).

Your mom glared at your dad.

"I'm gonna go confront them."

"W-What? Why? Where's all this aggression coming from? What if they kill us?"

Your mom rolled her eyes.

"They can't. I'm gonna strike a deal with them," she shrugged, "think about it, honey. Their kid is the same age as ours. And if anything, it's been ages since there were vampires living in our town, we've got to deal with it head-on to handle it effectively."

Your dad grimaced, reaching out a hand quickly to grasp at your mom’s wrist as she made to walk over to the woman. He looked as though he'd wanted to say something else to dissuade her, but the look in your mom’s eyes was too resolute to bargain with.

"Okay fine, but I’ll be close behind, alright? If anything's wrong just give me a signal and I’ll come over."

Your mom grinned, nodding firmly before making her way over to the woman who was currently fanning herself with a brochure given by the teachers.

Smiling at your mom in greeting, your mom returned the smile, "Mrs Bang, right?"

The woman nodded, giving your mom a friendly smile as her child ran up to her.

“Some weather, isn't it? Little Chan's having a bit of a hard time adapting," she laughed as she used a small cloth to wipe the boy's sweat from his face and neck, patting the curly-haired boy on the back and directing his attention to your mother.

"Say hi, honey,” she prompted her son.

The boy looked up, his slightly downturned eyes making his expression puppy-like, giving your mother a shy wave.

Your mom bent down to be on eye level with the boy.

“Is he? You sure seem to be doing fine, you probably don't feel a thing, do you?" your mom cooed, hoping her words would strike a chord with the woman.

"Go and play with your friends, Channie," she nudged her son in the direction of the other children, straightening up and looking at your mom with an oddly unnerving smile.

Perfect.

"What do you want?" her tone was a stark contrast from her expression, enough to make your mother's heart rate pick up at the thought that her assumptions were more than just that. Should she be this happy that there was an annoyed potentially lethal specimen standing right in front of her? Debatable.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question? You know, why come here of all places? There aren’t many people for you to....negotiate with." Your mother narrowed her eyes at the woman, folding her arms over her chest.

Your dad, who was watching closely from afar, had recognised her body language as her go-to attempt to look intimidating, wincing at the thought of the kind of conversation they could be having that would warrant such a 'power pose' (as your mother liked to call it).

Looking over to where you were, playing with the new neighbour's son, he could overhear you asking the boy for his favourite colour, preparing to make a birthday cake out of Lego for him.

Well, at least your kids seemed to be getting along.

Your dad watched for a short while, how you played with the curly haired boy, and how the boy seemed to be rather shy, though that didn't seem to deter you from dragging him into your many shenanigans.

This made your dad’s anxiousness grow slightly, deciding that it was about time to go over to your new neighbour and your mom to make his presence as head doctor known. Though, your mom’s conversation seemed to have ended prematurely, the said woman strolling calmly back to your father before he could intervene.

"Do I wanna know how it went?" your dad grimaced upon seeing the triumphant smile on your mom’s face.

"Yes, you do. It went absolutely great! We're having dinner tomorrow night to discuss our arrangement in more detail."

"And this arrangement is...?"

Your dad was interrupted by the presence of your new neighbours who had taken a seat next to your mom, your teacher's voice drowning out the rest of the noise.

"Parents, could you please take your seats now? The briefing will be starting soon."

You had caught the eye of your parents who were waving you over, making sure you grabbed Chan's hand to bring him over to where both your parents were seated.

"She's usually pretty unfriendly with strangers," your dad tried to make conversation with Chan’s dad, earning a nod from him.

“Yeah, Chan’s a bit shy with his peers too. But she seems to be including him pretty well.”

Your dad laughed nervously, “huh…. yeah,” he felt a slap to his shoulder, turning to see Chan’s father looking at him almost endearingly.

“Looking forward to this friendship with you.”

===

“Come to think of it, he’s not that bad, don’t you think?” You hummed, gesturing to your television where you were currently watching one of the vampire romance movies they were playing that night, shifting in your seat so you could tap Chan on the thigh, urging him to look up from his phone.

“Which one? The vampire dude?” Chan made a face at you. He never really paid attention to the show (well, not as much as you did, at least), the only things he remembered about it being that there were witches inside and a lot of people died.

“Yeah that one,” you pointed at the screen, “I thought he was a really big asshole at first, but now that I’m seeing more of him, he doesn’t seem all that bad. I think falling in love with the girl kind of like...reawakened the part of him that actually cares about things,” you laughed.

Chan shook his head, practically giggling in endearment at how invested you were in the show, “are you sure you’re not just saying that ‘cause you think he’s cute?”

You gasped, shoving Chan, shifting in your seat so you could lean against his shoulder.


“You know me so well,” you felt Chan’s shoulders shake as he laughed, bringing a hand over your shoulder to rest on the back of the sofa comfortably, allowing you to lean against him more.

“Come on, that’s totally impossible,” Chan laughed, gesturing to the scene on the tv where the vampire had pushed a big truck out of the way to protect someone in the truck’s way.

You rolled your eyes, shoving him lightly, “yeah? Says who?” You challenged, though you knew it was a little extreme for that to be possible as well.

“Physics,” he justified, making you shush him with a hand over his mouth before he went on another one of his rampages.

“Alright, alright, it’s not possible, don’t ruin the show for me.”

Removing your hand from his mouth, he’d continued watching with you in silence, before he’d suddenly asked you a question.

“Don’t you think I’d be cuter than him if I was a vampire?” Chan pouted, nudging at your head gently with his shoulder to get your attention, pushing his beanie up slightly.

“Come to think of it, I’ve never seen those vampires in movies have bleached hair before,” you teased in an attempt to calm yourself down, knowing for yourself your answer to his question was yes. However, your response only served to make his pout grow.

“Answer the question!” He whined, a giggle escaping his lips as he grasped your arm.

“You? A vampire?” You laughed, a hand flying over your mouth in a poor attempt to stifle your laughter.

Chan scoffed in disbelief.

“I don’t see why I can’t pass off as one if he can!” Chan pointed at the screen sulkily, making you shake your head.

“You’d never survive as a vampire who has to hunt on their own. You can barely hurt a fly,” you scrunched your nose at the thought, bursting into another fit of giggles when you felt Chan muss your hair, feigning hurt over your statement (but knowing all too well that you were right).

“You still didn’t answer if I’d be cuter or not.”

Rolling your eyes, you stuck your tongue out at him, “Invalid comparison, no comment,” your poorly stifled laughter had only made the both of you erupt into giggles, Chan shaking his head at you.

Once your laughter had died down, you let out a tired sigh.  

“D’you remember how our parents used to always talk about how vampires used to live in our town in the past?” You hummed, letting your train of thought steer away from the show.

Chan had a feeling he knew where your thought process was heading.

“You believe them, don’t you?”

“And you don’t?” you raised your eyebrows, lifting your head off his shoulders to look at him expectantly, curious to hear his reasoning even though you’ve probably heard it a thousand times already.

“I mean, it’s just a little hard to believe because of how it's portrayed in such a…fantasy kind of way in the media. And it just...doesn’t really make sense to me. As much as I hear the stories from our parents and all it’s kind of hard to find a biological explanation for it that I can actually accept.”

You shot him an amused look, your nose scrunching as you smiled.

“I still can’t believe you can even try to think about something like vampires scientifically,” you snickered, earning a shrug from him.

“You know who I always thought would be a vampire if there were any in our neighbourhood?” You continued, stopping to yawn as you awaited Chan’s indication that he was listening.

“Who?”

“That guy whose dad is in the town council,” your voice dropped to a mumble, “the one that basically threatened me to go to prom with him.”  

Chan pursed his lips, knowing who you were referring to even without you mentioning his name. He felt a pang of jealousy in his heart at the mention of that guy, but dismissed it quickly, knowing that you shared the same sentiments as he did, there was nothing to be jealous of.

“He’s the one that’s in the swim team our school always goes against, right?” Chan’s hand shifted from the back of the sofa to grasp your shoulder, squeezing gently as he rubbed your arm soothingly. Chan didn’t have to pretend to ask you for affirmation, he knew who you were referring to, a part of him just did it as a silent confirmation that you were sure you wanted to talk about him.

You nodded.

“There’s always been something off about him. He just really makes me...uncomfortable. Not that I’m saying all vampires are bad, more of like a…he’d fit the description if you asked me to think of those evil vampires in movies. You get what I mean, right?” you looked at him seriously, and Chan struggled to contain his smile, finding you absolutely cute but not wanting you to think he wasn’t respecting how you felt.

“The vibe I get whenever he tries to talk to me...just” you shuddered, “feels like he’s not even human.”

Chan nodded, remembering how shaken up you got on one occasion after one of his swim meets when that guy approached you.

You’d only told Chan about it a month after, and since Chan was Chan, he’d simply comforted you, telling you that you shouldn’t have kept it in for so long. But at the same time, you were thankful that you had someone as balanced as Chan to comfort you when you needed.

After all, Chan was never one to resort to violence.

“Let’s….not talk about him, kind of don’t wanna go to sleep thinking about him,” Chan huffed, making you let out a small giggle.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want you dreaming of him, would we?” You joked, earning a groan of agreement from Chan.

You’d felt his thumb rub your arm gently, his left hand checking the time on his phone, seeing that it was almost 2 in the morning.

“Are you tired? I kind of wanna pass out soon,” Chan yawned, earning a vigorous nod from you.

Leaning over to turn the tv off, you headed upstairs with Chan, walking into the bathroom and pushing Chan’s cup containing the toothbrush he used whenever he stayed over at your house to the unoccupied area of your sink. You’d already started to brush your teeth, seeing Chan walk into the bathroom shortly after with a tired smile on his face, noticing he'd taken his hoodie off.

“Your hair’s getting long,” your words were muffled around your toothbrush as you reached a hand up to touch his fluffy hair, which seemed even more curly now that you were seeing it in the light, having only seen it covered by his beanie for the whole day.

Chan couldn’t help the smile from his face as you did so, trying to distract himself with squeezing toothpaste onto his toothbrush, putting his toothbrush in his mouth with a grin directed at you through the mirror, his dimples showing cutely.

“I was thinking of dying it back to black,” he stopped brushing halfway to tell you, earning a sound of surprise from you.

Rinsing your mouth, you straightened up quickly to nod at him.

“You should, your hair would look just like it did when you were a kid,” you stepped into the shower to wash your face so that Chan could have more space at the sink.

“Is that a good thing?” Chan laughed.

You rolled your eyes, “of course it is, you looked so cute when you were a kid.”

Before Chan could react to your backhanded compliment, you continued, “when’s your next swim meet?”

“About a month from now?” He paused to rinse his mouth, starting to wash his face, speaking even as his eyes were closed.

“Who are you gonna be up against?” You asked, rinsing the face wash off of your face and stepping out again, Chan handing you a towel as he rinsed his own face as well, your routine flowing naturally from how regularly you would sleep over at each other’s houses.

“Who else?” He sighed.

You winced, stepping out of your bathroom before Chan, letting him turn off the lights as you slipped into your bed, and without even thinking, you had slung your arm around Chan’s waist, snuggling closer to him with your face pressing against his back.

“How’s swim meet preparation been?” You yawned.

Chan hummed, letting one of his hands cover your hand at his stomach, interlocking his fingers with yours as he rubbed the back of your hand gently. You’d found it strange how the action made you shy, dismissing the thought quickly as you took deep breaths.

“Can you breathe? Am I suffocating you?” Chan laughed, finding your sudden heavy breathing rather amusing, but most of all rather ticklish against his back.

You immediately stopped, not realising you were holding your breath, “uh-huh. Breathing’s fine.”

Chan smiled, “anyway, my dad’s been having me on this new diet and exercise plan, wants me to bulk up or something.”

You let out an amused snort, “I'm guessing this is a complaint?"

Chan nodded, even though he was pretty sure you couldn't see him, feeling your face against his back.

"Sure is. Honestly, I’m pretty sure he's only making me do all of this because he's been trying to get me as interested in exercising as him.”

“Aren’t you already, though?” You laughed, earning a shrug from him, as he turned to face you, his hand going back to playing with yours as he closed his eyes.

Struggling to keep your tone as steady as you could, you replied, "whatever it is, I'll be there to cheer you on. Win or lose."

Chan bit his lip, immensely thankful now that the light was dim enough that you weren't able to see his face clearly, dismissing the heat creeping onto his cheeks and the pounding of his heart to be due to how touching your words were to him.

Running his thumb over your knuckles, you didn't have to hear it to know Chan was thankful.

"Hopefully, I'll win, of course."

You scoffed, “goodnight, Chan."

You heard him hum, mumbling a soft "Night," before you lay in silence till you fell asleep.

===

"Chan? Chan, dude," Minho nudged the boy seated next to him.

Chan was struggling to focus in class. To him, he was hearing everything except whatever his teacher was explaining at the front of the hall. Things ranging from the low humming of the air conditioning to the hushed whispers of students that Chan couldn't even spot were beginning to sound deafening.

"Huh?" Chan turned his head to face his classmate Minho, who was seated at the table next to him, leaning over with his paper in hand.

"Did you get the answer for this question?"

Chan glanced at his worksheet, nodding and handing his worksheet to Minho to copy the correct answer, bringing his hands up to massage his temples, sighing as he shook his head.

What's wrong with you? just focus!

Chan rolled his eyes in frustration, giving Minho a small nod as he took his paper back, his leg starting to bounce and his hands beginning to fidget, twirling his pen only to stop seconds after because the sound simply added to the jumbled mess of noise in his brain.

“They should really fix that speaker,” Chan sighed, leaning back in his seat in slight resignation to the fact that he wasn’t getting rid of his headache anytime soon, wondering if it were possible that his head would just burst from how much it was pounding.

“Huh? Which speaker?” Minho frowned, making Chan’s mouth fall agape.

“You don’t hear it? It’s making this really loud buzzing sound!” Chan pointed with his pen to the speaker at the front of the hall, glaring at it as if it were buzzing on purpose.

Minho eyed Chan curiously, “dude…I’m really sorry but I’m not hearing what you’re hearing...”

Chan shook his head, “It’s fine, maybe I’m just hearing something else.”

"Are you meeting Y/N later?" he asked Chan, earning a nod from him.

"What are you guys gonna do?"

Chan's eyebrows lifted in confusion, "nothing?" he dragged out the word in his uncertainty on what Minho was asking him about.

Minho rolled his eyes, "how unromantic."

Chan sputtered, wanting to be upset but at the same time not quite knowing what he was getting upset about.

"What do you expect us to do? Have a candlelight dinner on a school day?"

Minho remained unamused, "I mean, you said you liked her, right? Why aren't you doing anything about it?"

Chan tapped his pen on his paper, taking down the answer for the new question on the screen as he replied Minho.

"Key word, I like her. It's not necessarily very mutual right now."

Minho groaned, "obviously you wouldn't know because you're not even trying to find out."

Chan gave Minho his best distressed expression, which only made him sigh, shaking his head.

"Whatever, it's not like you'd have the guts to confess to her without my help anyway."

Chan shot Minho a dirty look, returning his attention back to the screen, still struggling to place the various sounds he was hearing as his teacher's voice blared through the speakers.

He figured it would go away by lunch, but when he’d walked into the cafeteria, it only got worse.

You spotted Chan standing stunned at one of the pillars near the water cooler in the cafeteria, holding his bag strap tightly in his hand as he scrunched his eyes shut, shaking his head firmly as he opened his eyes again, spotting you immediately after.

Dressed in his usual all black attire (not that you’d expected anything else from him), he’d slumped onto the seat of the bench you were sitting at, giving you a pitiful pained expression, tugging his hood over his head as he murmured a greeting to you.

Looking at him curiously as you munched on your lunch, you tilted your head at him, “what’s with the face?”

“Okay, I don’t know if I’m just going crazy but…I literally can’t focus today,” he sighed, pulling out his bottle which you assumed was his protein shake.

“What do you mean?” You hummed, “also, is this the thing your dad’s been making you drink?” You gestured to the bottle, earning a grim nod from him.

Pulling it closer to yourself, you took a whiff of its contents, resisting the urge to hurl once you’d done so, immediately cringing and pushing it back to him.

“Oh, man. Life’s hard.”

Chan mirrored your expression as he took the shake back from you.

“Anyway, I don’t know. Just now in class it was like every single sound was suddenly super loud and clear, I could barely single out my teacher’s voice. Even now it’s really hard for me to not pay attention to all these conversations around us,” he frowned, making you hum in thought.

Bringing a hand to your chin thoughtfully, you narrowed your eyes before shrugging abruptly.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s like ADHD or something,” you shrugged.

“You think so? It was so bad I actually considered that for a second…like mostly the inattention,” he shrugged.

“Maybe you should ask your mom if you could get checked if it doesn't go away by next week,” you suggested, earning a half-hearted shrug from him.

Chan focused on downing the rest of his strange protein shake at one go, not wanting to prolong his suffering, letting out a loud groan when he was done.

“D’you have any plans after school?” He asked, earning a shake of the head from you.

“Why?”

Chan thought back to what Minho said during class, wondering if he should try to create opportunities (or excuses) to hang out with you more.

“Oh, you know, my mom's asking if you wanna join us for dinner..." Chan's gaze searched your expression.

"You know, since your parents are working late at the hospital today," he added as an afterthought.

Mental note to tell mom Y/N is coming over.

You grinned at that, having always liked Chan’s mother’s cooking, giving him a vigorous nod.

"I finish pretty early today, though. So, I might head home first and shower or something,” you spoke around your mouthful of food, earning a sound of distaste from Chan.

Swallowing your food with a sheepish grin, you continued, "you have training today, right?"

He nodded, stealing a piece of meat from your plate, "But don't worry about me, I'll just meet you at my house after I'm done."

===

"Hey, babe,” your mom had met your dad at the vending machine at the hospital lift lobby while she was on the way to another patient's room.

Looking up and spotting your mom, your dad gave her an exaggerated look of pain, “just got out of surgery.” He heaved a sigh as he bent over to wait for his drink to fall to the bottom of the machine.

“Poor you. Anyway, I haven't heard from Chan's mom whether they got the…extract packets yet, you did deliver them, didn't you?"

Your dad's hand stopped mid-grab at the can of drink, the realisation that he indeed hadn't delivered them yet almost causing the can to slip from his hand.

He could picture the box sitting on the countertop in the kitchen, he'd even taken it out of the cooler fridge in the morning since he'd wanted to drop by Chan's house to deliver it to his parents before going to work that afternoon.

"Uh...yeah," his voice cracked as he replied your mother, giving her a more confident nod and clearing his throat.

"Yeah, you know I think they probably haven't seen it yet. I can ask Y/N to help us check, she told us she'd be going over to their house for dinner."

Your dad had managed to successfully divert your mom's attention away from the blood bags, letting out a snort at the mention of dinner.

"I still can't believe they do those family dinner things, once Chan's father tried describing the taste of steak to me and I couldn't get it out of my head whenever I saw him cooking it."

Your dad gave her a knowing look.

"You know they do it more for Chan than anything," he explained, “plus, he's got a pretty big appetite."

Your mom frowned, "I guess that makes sense. It'll be easier to tell if his tastes are changing."

Your dad nodded in agreement, “especially now. Remember what they said the other day? That he would probably start showing symptoms of a transition around this period of his life."

His expression was grim as he spoke, unsure what that would imply for you since you were in such close contact with Chan, who currently had no idea about anything to do with vampires.

"I have to go, we can talk about this another time," giving your dad an apologetic smile, your mom left promptly after.

Heaving a sigh of relief, your dad pulled his phone from his pocket to send you a text before he forgot.

dad 3:42pm - r u at home?-

Your reply came in shortly after

3:42pm - yeah i am, whats the stuff on the counter? R they the extract packets for Chan's family?-

dad 3:43pm - yes can u put them in the fridge quickly please! can u be a dear and pass it to them when you go over for dinner?- 3:43pm - and dont tell your mother i forgot!-

3:44pm -alrighty-

You thought nothing of it, simply doing as you were told since it was a common occurrence for your parents to gift Chan's family with things like this, you know, with Chan's parents being fairly health conscious and your own parents being doctors.

Glancing at the time, you were confident that you had a few hours to kill, proceeding to think of countless things you could do in an attempt to satisfy your boredom.

You’d spent majority of your time lazing on your bed contemplating on getting work done (which you eventually decided against), choosing to watch a movie to kill time before dinner, putting on whatever you could find on Netflix. You didn’t really care what the movie was about, simply wanting something to play in the background so you wouldn’t feel so bored.

Gradually, though, you’d found yourself growing jittery, increasingly excited and impatient for Chan to be done with his training so you could hang out with him, not knowing that he was already done, having hitched a ride home with his dad.

You were almost about to fall asleep to the protagonist of the movie’s monologue when the buzzing of your phone had woken you up, jumping slightly from the shock. Squinting at the bright screen of your phone, you read the text from Chan that just came in.

Chan 6:38pm -im home alr, gna take a shower but u can come over ill be done rly quick-

You yawned, sliding out of bed and putting on a sweater over your shirt, shoving your phone into your pocket and making your way to your kitchen in your half-asleep daze.

Heaving the box of extract packets out from the cooler fridge and setting it on the counter, you reached over to grab your keys and shove them into the other pocket of your sweatpants before you left the house, kicking the door closed behind you.

Knocking on the door, you’d tried to shift the box higher in your arms, supporting it with your leg as you waited for someone to open the door.

Soon enough, the door opened to reveal Chan’s mom, a flowery apron wrapped around her torso, her eyes widening as she saw you, a loud squeal leaving her lips as you greeted her.

“Y/N! Here, here, let me get that for you.”

She lifted the box you were struggling to carry with apparent ease, setting it aside before giving you a big hug, giving you a tight squeeze before pulling away, her hands coming up to cup your face, smoothing your hair down from where it got messy from the wind.

“Do you want to take a seat at the dining table first? Chan should be down soon,” she told you, not waiting for your reply before she went behind you, lightly pushing you into the kitchen where you’d spotted Chan’s dad with a similar apron on.

“Is that Y/N?” His dad turned, giving you a warm wave with his spatula, urging you to sit down at the dining table while you waited for the food to be done. You figured you were waiting for Chan to be done as well, being able to hear the faint sound of a hairdryer from upstairs as you walked to the dining area.

You’d sat and waited patiently after many (failed) attempts at trying to help them set the table, spotting Chan coming down the stairs as his parents were getting seated.

Dressed in a black sweater, his hair looking freshly dried and fluffy, you spotted Chan entering the dining room, the smile he was giving you looking awfully giddy as he took a seat next to you.

Your stomach almost growled at the sight of the food on your plate, thankful for Chan’s mom’s queue for everyone to start eating, and you dug in almost immediately, letting out a small sigh at the taste of the food.

“Wow, this tastes really good,” you praised, earning a chorus of ‘go ahead! Eat more!’ From his parents.

Chan momentarily wondered if it was the protein shake that was making his appetite wonky, deciding to just dismiss his reluctant feelings and swallow the food, figuring that maybe he just wasn’t in the mood for lamb chops today.

“How’ve you been, Y/N?” Chan’s dad asked you, and you would’ve almost spoken through your mouthful of food if not for the warning look Chan gave you.

Hurriedly swallowing your food, you smiled, “honestly, things have been pretty boring. There’s not much going on other than homework and lessons,” you let out a huff of amusement.

Chan nodded in agreement, “right, I forgot you didn’t join any clubs.”

“What about you, Chan? You’ve got a swim meet soon, right?”

He nodded, prompting his mom to continue.

“Has your body been feeling okay? Any changes in appetite? You know, it’s important to be in your best condition during competition season.”

Chan’s dad inspected his face for any sign of affirmation as his mother spoke, both parents feeling anxious at their son’s imminent transition and obviously not knowing how to approach it since it was, after all, their first and only child.

Chan shrugged, unsure how to explain this to his parents since he’d grown so used to competitions since he was a child, but he was only seeming to notice changes now.

You perked up at the mention of changes, nudging Chan with your elbow, making him turn to you with an expectant look, “you should tell her about the hearing thing.”

"What hearing thing?"

Chan shook his head in dismissal, but you hadn't waited for him to continue, knowing he would downplay it like how he always did when he didn't want his parents to worry.

"He was saying how he found it hard to focus because he can hear so many things and keeps getting distracted," you began, missing the knowing look Chan's mom had cast towards her husband.

Chan’s dad was quick to respond, “your mom used to go through something similar, but don’t worry, it'll go away after a while."

Chan raised his eyebrows in question but nodded nonetheless.

That night after dinner, you had both adjourned to Chan’s room, the comforting smell upon entering, that you couldn’t describe as anything other than Chan, instantly putting you in a relaxed mood.

You'd flopped belly-down onto Chan's bed, closing your eyes and letting a satisfied sigh escape your lips while the said boy was bringing his homework over to where you were, pushing you so you rolled over to make space for him.

You opened your eyes with a pout that he'd made you roll over, leaning over to inspect the papers before flopping back down on his bed.

"What's that?" you asked.

"Chemistry homework," he murmured, twirling his pen between his fingers as he glared at the questions, filling in answers with ease.

"Ew."

Chan let out an amused huff, his tongue sticking out slightly to wet his lips before he spoke, "do you still need a tutor? I can help you if you need."

You let out a sigh, rolling over so you were lying on your back now, your head next to Chan's textbook, his flipping causing his knuckles to graze your face lightly, the sensation almost causing Chan to pull back his hand instinctively.

"It's a little late for that, already have one. And thanks to him my chemistry is kind of improving,"

"Who?" there was an edge to Chan's voice that you found interesting, not knowing why this information was so important to him.

"Mingyu?” You answered, your hesitance making it sound like more of a question than an answer, “he's my lab partner."

Chan clenched his jaw, nodding. It wasn't any secret that you'd mentioned that Mingyu was 'charismatic' countless times before, but it wasn't as if you meant anything by it.

To you, it was the same as admiring an actor on tv.  But of course, Chan knew that. Which was why he surprised himself with how jealous he was getting at the mere thought of Mingyu tutoring you, getting carried away by thinking of all the opportunities he would get to joke with you or to see the small satisfied smile you would always have on your face after getting a question right. He was getting unusually sulky.

It was just chemistry, wasn't it? There was no reason to feel threatened.

Yet, Chan couldn't shake from his mind the possibility of you being attracted to Mingyu on a deeper level, something Chan wished he could achieve.

He'd caught you off guard when he glanced at you, his expression almost unreadable. As Chan leant over ever so slightly, you felt your heart rate pick up, the racing of your heartbeat loud as ever in your ears, almost making it hard to breathe (or maybe it was how nice he smelled, you weren't sure).

"Why didn't you ask me?" he teased, making your eyes widen, shoving him further away in your panic.

"Y-you know, it just never crossed my mind! And plus, like, you know, it's easier 'cause Mingyu's my lab partner," you fumbled for an excuse, your mind picturing Chan tutoring you instead of Mingyu, feeling strangely shy at the thought.

What was wrong with you? it's just tutoring, it's not that romantic.

Chan huffed, dimples appearing on his face as he smirked, shaking his head at you.

"You say it like you don't spend hours lying on my bed doing nothing almost every day," He sighed, his hand that was next to your head clenching tighter on his textbook, hoping he was just hallucinating when he thought he could hear the quick thumping of your heart.

In your panic, you'd gotten up from the bed abruptly, removing your sweater from how warm you'd gotten after whateverjust happened.

"Is that a new perfume you're wearing?" he mumbled absentmindedly once you'd removed your sweater, his gaze still fixed on his worksheets, penning down an answer as he awaited your reply.

"Nope, it's the one I've always been using," you told him, hearing him hum in surprise.

"Really? That's weird. I remember it smelling good when you started wearing it, but I never remembered it smelling this good," he laughed.

Rolling your eyes, you stretched your arm out so your wrist was exposed just below his nose. Taking a whiff, Chan winced at the sudden dull ache at his gums, at the same time it was like his other senses were dulled, the only thing he was able to focus on being the sudden urge to….eat?  

Gripping your wrist firmly, you watched with wide eyes as he brought your wrist down away from his face, trying to figure out why his appetite was only coming back now.

Maybe he really wasn't in the mood for lamb chops today.

"I'm kinda hungry, might go and grab something from the kitchen. You want anything?" you shook your head.

Leaving you (very confused) in his room, Chan had gone downstairs to the kitchen, his heavy footsteps getting the attention of his mom who was seated at the sofa, “Chan, dear can you help me throw this away in the kitchen?”

He made his way over to where his mom was seated, seeing that she was waving a now-empty packet of the concentrated extract packets your parents always gave them, humming in acknowledgement as he took the packet from her hands.

Bringing it over to the kitchen, Chan threw it into the bin, pulling the fridge open, only then realising that he’d gotten a bit of the extract on his fingers, bringing his thumb to his mouth to suck it off.

Then, there it was again. That dull ache in his gums, except this time he felt as though he’d found a taste similar to whatever he thought he was craving, the sweetness of the extract surprising him, since he remembered trying it in the past once when his parents weren’t home and only remembering it to have tasted horrible.

Maybe they changed the manufacturer.


Chan shrugged, deciding to take one of the packets from the fridge discreetly and head back upstairs. Entering the room, Chan spotted you lying on the same spot he’d left you in, staring curiously at his Chemistry homework.

“Why do your questions look so much harder?”

Chan scoffed, “maybe Mingyu needs to tutor you more,” he sing-songed, and you told yourself not to imagine the spitefulness to his tone.

Tearing an opening in the packet with his teeth and taking as sip of the extract, Chan almost let out a groan, looking at the packet with his eyebrows raised, still not being able to understand how it could taste so different from what he remembered.

“What’s that?”

“It’s the red ginseng thing your parents gave us,” he murmured, taking bigger sips of the extract, gulping it down as easily as if it were water, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Isn’t it really bitter?” You made a face of disgust, earning a vigorous shake of the head from him.

“No, not at all. You wanna try?” Chan held the packet in front of you, and taking it from his hands, you’d taken a small sip, the liquid immediately being rejected by your taste buds, the packet long forgotten as your hands flew up to cover your mouth before you could spit it out, getting up quickly to run to his bathroom, spitting out whatever you had in your mouth into the sink, finding the awful metallic taste of the liquid lingering on your tongue.

You weren’t sure if you were overreacting, but you’d got the sensing that what was in that packet was definitely not red ginseng, your mind naturally wandering to the most extreme possibility you could think of at the moment.

But that wouldn’t make sense, would it? You dismissed the thought quickly, figuring it would be too much of a coincidence, turning the tap on to rinse the liquid down the sink, not wanting to look at it any longer.

You almost hadn’t noticed Chan’s presence at the door of the bathroom, “are you okay? What happened? Did you like, choke or something?” He asked, concern laced in his tone and expression.

You shook your head, hiding your conflicting thoughts with a laugh, “I really…don’t think I can drink that stuff.”

You rinsed your mouth and brushed your teeth in your desperate attempt to get rid of the metallic taste, turning to face Chan afterwards, who had his lips pulled into a thoughtful pout.

“That was really gross, I still feel like throwing up,” you groaned, watching Chan finish the rest of the packet and dispose of it in the trash.

“Maybe you should rest, do you want some water?”

You nodded profusely, pouting sulkily at him, “yes, please. Thank you.”

Chan had made his way downstairs again, this time, when he was on his way back upstairs with a glass of water for you, he’d bumped into his dad who looked as though he were about to knock on his bedroom door.

“Dad?”

“Oh, Chan, can I um speak to you for a minute?”

Chan shrugged, letting his dad lead him to his parent’s room, where his mom was seated on the bed, inspecting the contents of a small palm-sized box she was holding.

Sitting on the bed next to his mom, Chan’s dad stood next to them as his mom began, “your dad and I were thinking it was about time we give you this, since you’re growing up now.”

Chan accepted the box from his mom, opening it and seeing a thick rimmed engraved ring, with a translucent gem sitting nicely embedded in the ring.

“It’s for protection. Your dad’s parents gave one to him and me when we got married, and it’s been serving us well ever since. We need you to make sure you have it on you at all times, is that alright?”

“Oh…” Chan glanced briefly at his parent’s hands, inspecting their own individual rings, “protection?”

“Yes, we believe there’s a sort of… luck about the ring. Which is why it’s very important that you wear it," she stressed.

Chan felt as though he were in some sort of fantasy movie, having only seen these things in the likes of Harry Potter movies, nodding dumbly along with whatever his parents were saying.

“Alright, I uh…I’ll go back to my room now, Y/N’s probably waited really long already...” He stood up, holding the box tightly in his hand as he left the room.

"What was that?!" Chan's mom whispered harshly at his dad once Chan left the room, shuddering as she recalled their awkward presenting of Chan's ring.

"I thought parenting was hard but I didn't know it was gonna feel this weird too," Chan's mom sighed.

"I think we did pretty well," he shrugged.

And Chan thought they did well too, until he was walking back to his room and the swarm of questions started to flood his mind:

Was the ring water resistant? What about swim meets, would he have to take it off then? But his parents said wear it ‘all the time’, so didn’t that mean he couldn’t take it off?

Chan was ready to tell you everything that had happened, hoping you would indulge him and his many questions like you always did for each other, opening the door as he spoke, “I have a question-”

Chan stopped himself when he’d heard the light snoring coming from where you lay on the bed, your head nuzzled into his hoodie that he’d left there. Letting a soft huff escape his lips, he’d set the cup of water on the bedside table, walking around you and clearing the bed of his worksheets and textbooks, tucking an arm ever so slowly beneath your knees and behind your back to carefully shift your position so your head would be on the pillow.

Taking his laptop and bringing it over to the bedside table, Chan got into bed, carefully peeling his hoodie away from your face, seeing you frown in your sleep, rolling over only to have your face press against his side, a deep sigh leaving you, Chan momentarily tensing when he felt your hand sling over his waist, hugging him as though he were a bolster.

Taking deep breaths, Chan pulled his laptop onto his lap, clicking on his Netflix tab with a sigh, anticipating a long night ahead.

===

“Woah,” you gasped, gaping as you stared at the timer in your hands, the sloshing of water in the pool drowned out by your shock.

Chan's head surfaced from the pool, pushing his (rather freshly dyed and cut) hair away from his forehead as he looked at you, his hand going up to wipe the water from his face.

"How'd I do?"

You sputtered, too shocked to form words as you showed him his timing.

"That's literally...your fastest one yet."

Chan's eyes widened at the sight of the timing, staring at you with his eyebrows raised, "H... how did this even..." he sounded breathless, earning a nod of agreement from you.

"I don't think I’ve seen anyone swim this fast, what are you, a vampire?" you laughed, earning a splash of water in your direction.

"You know, I'm pretty convinced it's all the gymming and the whole diet plan thing.” Chan noticed your unamused expression, making him huff and roll his eyes.

Wading over to where you sat at the edge of the pool, he brought his arms to rest against the edge, using his arms to gesture as he spoke.

"No, like, seriously hear me out. Ever since I started like eating the protein shakes and whatever and I’ve been taking the red ginseng stuff too, and I feel great, like everything seems a lot…more intense?” Chan tried to explain, earning an intrigued hum from you.

“Like, it’s as if my senses are like…heightened. Do you know what I mean?” He continued, and you couldn’t help but think of all the stories your parents would tell you about vampires, about how common it used to be in the town back when her parents were children, looking at Chan who was busy touching the ring on his finger.

Chan’s parents seemed absolutely normal, it wouldn’t make sense, would it? Dismissing the thought quickly, Chan had noticed you staring at his hands, looking away and clearing his throat loudly in an attempt to get you out of whatever trance you were in.

You opened and closed your mouth, fumbling to swipe out of your timer app to do a quick search on the benefits of red ginseng.

“I mean, I did hear that red ginseng has a ton of benefits,” you shrugged, scrolling through the results, mindlessly naming the benefits to him as you tried not to stare at him getting out of the pool.

Maybe the gymming was starting to show, especially now that you were seeing him while he wasn’t drowning himself in his one-size-too-big hoodies. Looking away as he grabbed his towel, he rubbed the towel against his hair as he stretched his free hand out to you.

“Are you gonna tell your dad about your new timing? When’s the deadline for you to submit it to the swimming people?” You asked, grasping his hand and letting him pull you swiftly off of the ground, again surprising you with the ease at which he did so.  

“We’re past the deadline already, the competition's in a few days, I doubt they’d accept any more changes in entries this close to the competition,” he laughed.

Your lips made an o shape, a low impressed sound leaving you, “ohh, the other swimmers are really gonna be shocked, then. I don’t even remember your rival being this good.”

Chan shot you a pointed look, knowing you were referring to the town council member’s son, “he’s not my rival, Y/N,” Chan shook his head at you with a smile, and oh, how Chan it was of him to say that.

You rolled your eyes.

"Yeah, whatever, the bane of my existence, then. Speaking of which, he replied to my post the other day,” you murmured.

“Oh yeah? What did he say?” Chan grabbed his backpack, beginning to walk with you to the shower rooms. Pulling out your phone, you’d scrolled through your camera roll to find the screenshot of the post where you’d taken a picture of the pool, captioning it that you were still waiting for Chan to finish practicing so you could go and eat.

Chan squinted his eyes, trying to read the reply that guy had left on your post, “tell Chan not to work too hard to get his ass beat for me babe,” Chan rolled his eyes after reading the comment.

“I took a screenshot to show you before I deleted his comment,” you laughed, shoving your phone back into your pocket.

And as usual, Chan replied graciously, “don’t let him get to you,” he told you, setting his things down at the bench near the doors of the locker room.

You bit your tongue, knowing that Chan was right that he still bothered you, and showing Chan his stupid comments wasn't going to make him any more bothered about it than you were because that was just how Chan was.

Patient, forgiving, no-violence Chan. Maybe that was what you liked so much about him, how he made you feel balanced, safe. And picturing him as a vampire was not doing anything for this already-formed judgement of Chan, afraid that it might change if it turned out to be true.

“Wait for me a little bit longer? I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Chan gave you a pleading look, even though he knew you would say yes.

And though you knew it too, you didn’t miss the opportunity to give him your best look of annoyance, making him rush to reassure you.

“Really, really, I swear. I’ll be quick. Sit tight,” he told you, entering the locker rooms as you were left to scroll through your social media.

True to his word, he was done quickly, and you'd made your way out of the indoor hall, unfortunately having to squeeze together with the crowd of students who were all rushing to go home as well.

You walked ahead of Chan, making your way through the halls when you suddenly felt a hand grip your wrist firmly, turning to see a rather uncomfortable-looking Chan, who had his other hand covering his mouth, the dull ache in his gums returning as the students pushed past the both of you.

"Hey, you okay?" your eyebrows were knit in concern, watching as his glazed-over gaze met yours, nodding a little belatedly.

"Yeah," he let out a controlled breath, "just gotta get out of here, feel like I can't breathe."

You'd never known Chan was claustrophobic, the newfound information making you grip his hand tighter and quicken your pace so you were out of the school gates in no time.

You heard him let out a deep sigh, his hand still grasping yours firmly, turning your head to watch closely as he brought a hand up to touch his teeth, feeling almost as though he were hallucinating when he'd felt his canines become more blunt, if that were possible (even though he was absolutely sure he'd cut his thumb on them the day before when he was inspecting his teeth in the mirror to find possible reasons behind his toothache).

"What happened just now? Are you okay?"

Chan shook his head, "nah it was nothing just.... happens when I'm in crowds, makes me feel really giddy and breathless, almost like I ran 50 laps without a sip of water."

You nodded in understanding, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. Could this have been...bloodlust?

"Maybe it's because I didn't cool down after practice," he shrugged, and for now, you accepted that answer.

===

Chan was practically humming with excitement when it was competition day, having drank the red ginseng every day since the last time he’d met you to practice, and you were the same, sitting in the spectators stand with some people who you recognised to be Chan’s classmates, who had invited you to sit with them since they’d seen you come in late.

You recognized one of them to be Minho, who you knew Chan was close to, and the both of you had managed to get along quite well whenever you talked, and you were glad he was here, providing you snacks and making conversation with you, even updating you on the events and the people whenever you were lost without you having to ask.

While you were waiting for the swim meet to start, you'd made conversation with Minho, delving into simple topics like what you studied and what you were planning on studying in the future and things like that.

"I bumped into Chan just now when I was on my way here," Minho mentioned casually, "has he been kind of weird lately?"

You raised an eyebrow at Minho's question, wondering what behaviour Chan showcased to make him think that way.

"Weird like how?"

"Like, I don't know. I asked you because he seemed a lot more energetic, thought you guys were finally dating or something."

You scoffed; your attention momentarily diverted as you heard the horn blast to commence the first swimming event.

"What made you think that?" you let out a nervous laugh, making him shrug, watching the swimmers with a satisfied smile on his face.

"No reason."

You watched in anticipation as the swimmers for the next event (which was Chan’s first event of the day), walked up to their respective lanes, with Chan in the middle lane.

"That guy keeps staring in our direction," Minho murmured.

Your frowned, "which guy?"

Minho gestured with his hand in the direction of the swimmers, "Chan's rival."

Your eyes lit up, "I'm not the only one who thinks they're rivals!" you cheered, only then realizing what Minho had said. "Wait, he's looking?"

You let go of your hesitance to cast a glance at the direction of the town council member's son, you realized that he was indeed looking in your direction, casting you a wink when you'd met his gaze.

Looking away immediately, your expression hardened, not wanting to show any sign of being affected by what he had done, simply giving Minho a shrug, "never liked him very much."

Minho let out an amused grunt, "same."

Watching the swimmers intently, you waited as Chan had participated for the breaststroke, and freestyle events, his last one being the Individual medley, where he'd essentially have to do four different types of swimming strokes. Though you knew Chan's timing for yourself, you couldn't help the nervousness that crept up on you once the event started, knowing Chan used to be weaker in his backstroke, not knowing if he'd improved.

But Chan had proven you wrong when you saw how fast he was swimming, finishing a lot faster than the other players.

"Woah." Minho's eyes were wide, turning to share a look of amazement with you.

You couldn't help but notice the dirty looks the council member's son was casting towards Chan, even going to the extent of spouting a few comments to try to throw Chan off, to which the boy would always respond by staring straight ahead, refusing to entertain him.

This wasn't to say Chan wasn't annoyed, no, he was very much annoyed. He just didn’t feel a need to react, not wanting his own personal feelings to get in the way of his performance. Like you always said, classic Chan.

The crowd cheered loudly when the event was over, and you cheered even louder knowing that this meant Chan was officially done with his events and that he could finally rest.

But before you could celebrate with him by watching a movie and snacking at his house, you had to sit through the wrapping up of the ceremony, unable to sit still through the prize ceremony (which seemed as though it lasted forever).

Figuring you might as well put your restlessness to good use, you tried taking pictures of Chan as he received his medals, zooming in as much as your phone allowed to get a good view of him. Minho seemed to sense your struggle with getting good photos of him, laughing at your lack of common sense.

"Why don't you just walk over there and take them? You'd get a much better view compared to here," Minho suggested, earning an impressed hum from you.  Going over to the balcony of the spectator stand in your attempt to take better pictures of Chan, trying to ignore the way he looked absolutely radiant from where he’d stood at the top of the stand, or trying to ignore how he would wave his hand in dismissal as he covered his smile, probably refusing another compliment from the Guest-of-Honour. But most of all, trying not to let your heart flutter at the tiny wave he gave you when he spotted you at the balcony.

After the ceremony had ended, you’d went back to your seat, focusing on filtering your pictures of Chan, favouriting the good ones so you could send it to him, feeling someone tap your shoulder, looking up to see that it was Minho.

“We're gonna head out first, will you be alright?"

You nodded profusely, waving a hand in dismissal.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course, go ahead,” you told him and his other friends quickly, earning an appreciative smile from them.

“Thanks, tell Chan we said congrats!” They beamed, leaving you to continue editing your pictures of Chan.

You were surprised at the crowd that lingered, not missing the way you heard some of them saying they were just waiting for Chan to come out so they could congratulate him before leaving, and soon enough you heard hushed whispers, assuming Chan had arrived. 


Waiting for him to greet you, you’d looked up with a smile when you felt the tap on your shoulder. However, your smile immediately dropped when you saw who was actually in front of you.

Your blood ran cold, almost freezing up in place as you saw the smile he gave you, “hey, babe. Stayed to wait for me?”

In your attempt to look unintimidated, you’d scoffed, “nope,” you looked elsewhere, not daring to look him in the eye and letting your gaze falter.

You’d shifted away when he’d taken a seat next to you on the bench, his hand going up to grasp your shoulder, pushing your hair away from your shoulder to reveal more of your neck.

“What’s got you all angsty? All I wanted was to say hi,” he shrugged, one of his hands going to grasp your forearm, making you shake your hand out of his grip. You would've expected more courtesy from a council member's son.

“You’ve said hi, now I’d appreciate if you could leave me alone.”

You’d almost shivered when he brought a hand up to pinch your ear, flinching away and absolutely hating the dirty feeling that lingered when he removed his hand, all you could think of was that you were desperate for Chan to show up, not trusting your own ability to retort.

“Hmm, I have to say, Y/N. The more you play hard to get, the more it’s reeling me in,” he laughed, making you stand up abruptly, taking a step away from him, oblivious to the fact that Chan had heard your conversation, making his way up to the spectator stand as quickly as he could.

“I’m not playing…hard to get,” you took a deep breath in, clenching your fists and desperately trying to reduce the trembling of your voice.

“Whatever you say, babe,” he shrugged, leaving you to regulate your breathing as he sat at the spectators stands at the bottom of the section.

“Y/N,” you heard the voice you were so thankful to hear, turning to see Chan standing there, giving you a warm smile as he gave you a wave, his other hand full of his bouquet of flowers and his bag.

You heaved a sigh of relief, giving him a smile, hoping he hadn’t seen your interaction with that guy but knowing deep down he probably did.

Chan made his way to stand at the aisle next to where you sat, your hand reaching out to grab his free hand, relishing in the feeling of safety that washed over you instantly, feeling him swaying your hands gently as you resisted the urge to close your eyes.

“You did so well just now! I have so many videos, it was amazing,” you told him, seeing him shake his head, maintaining his modesty, never one to receive compliments very well.

“I was honestly really surprised myself,” he laughed, his free hand going up to grasp the back of his neck, pulling the hood of his jacket over his head in an attempt to hide his red ears.

Chan had unconsciously looked over to where the guy was sitting with his friends, noticing that they were looking in your direction as well, the guy letting out a scoff before gesturing to the both of you.

“Oh, I get it now, so the reason why she’s been so hesitant is basically ‘cause Chris’ got her on a leash,” he sneered, making Chan furrow his eyebrows.

You sensed his change in demeanour, frowning as you looked up at him, “hey, what’s wrong?”

Chan shook his head at first, figuring it wouldn’t do him or you any good if he were to get angry, choosing to ignore it as you stood up, your hands going to cup his face as you tried to place what emotion he was feeling. Your action had almost calmed Chan down, but it had also seemed to elicit a reaction from the guy’s group of friends as well.

“I don’t blame him, if it were me I’d want that all to myself too, I mean look at her, shit, she’d look so much hotter if she wasn’t always covering herself up,” one of his friends had sputtered out with a laugh, making the guy sigh loudly in agreement with his friend.

“Makes you wanna take it off for her yourself, doesn’t it?”

Chan’s expression hardened, making your eyebrows raise, concerned as to why he was suddenly looking so upset.

“What did you just say?” Chan’s tone was stern, making your eyes widen.

“Me?” Chan had peeled your hands off of his face, giving you a small smile as he tried to suppress his anger.

“Nothing, hey, can you go wait for me at the lobby first? I just need to grab something quick and then we can go,” he told you, making you a little confused at the sudden switch in his behaviour again but nodding nonetheless, wanting to get out of this place as soon as you could.

Once Chan was sure you were out of sight, he made his way to where the guy and his friends were sitting, staring them down as he found himself acting faster than his brain could process.

“I’d appreciate it if you keep your disgusting comments to yourself,” Chan snarled, his fists clenching at his sides.


This had only seemed to amuse the council member’s son, who raised a challenging eyebrow at Chan.

“What comments?”

Chan was practically seething with anger, his jaw clenching with the amount of sheer restraint he was trying to maintain not to lash out at the boy in front of him, finding it strange that he was feeling this way since he usually didn’t get so riled up from his comments.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I saw the way you acted towards her. Couldn’t you tell that she was uncomfortable?”

“Didn’t seem like it to me,” the boy drawled, “oh but, we do have a question for you. Is Y/N as good at using her mouth for doing things other than running it?” He looked at Chan, the lift of his eyebrows almost daring Chan to snap.

Chan let out a deep breath through his nose, his fists clenching at his sides.

“Comments like what you just said about Y/N, she’s not comfortable with it, and neither am I. So, I’d really appreciate it if you showed some decency and at least tried to keep such comments to yourself.”

The guy made an expression of realisation, turning to his friends to snicker.

“I completely understand," the guy stood up, his hand coming up to push at Chan's shoulder, forcing him to stumble back slightly. Bringing a hand up to slap Chan across the face, patting his cheek harshly after to prolong the sting.

“Chris here's just getting all emotional trying to protect his little pet, I completely under-“

Chan wasn’t sure what came over him in that moment, all he knew was that he really wanted to put that guy in his place, and he didn't care if he was gonna have to face the damn town council for it if it meant that he would stop going after you.

Throwing his first punch to the boy's face, managing to trigger a nosebleed as he stumbled onto the floor, fumbling to grab his seat to find some stability after the impact of Chan's punch.

Chan wanted to stop at that, since you were probably wondering where he was and why he was taking so long. However, something about the way the blood dripping from the boy's nose had smelled was making Chan hazier than he already was.

"What the fuck was that for, dude?" he sputtered, getting up and swinging a punch towards Chan, which Chan had seemed as though he hadn't felt, simply narrowing his eyes at the boy.

It was as though he was going in and out of focus, not even realising how far he'd gotten into the fight as the people in the swimming complex had gaped at the scene.

Chan, fighting? it didn't seem like it was real, especially not with the way the guy's friends had joined in in an attempt to defend their friend but yet Chan had seemed immune to the pain, his frustration getting the better of him.

"Hey, dude, don't think you can just run away after doing that," his friends threatened, grabbing Chan's arms as they tried to prevent Chan from leaving.

Meanwhile, in the lobby, you were busy trying to identify all the flowers in Chan's bouquet when you'd heard a commotion coming from the swimming area, hearing the large double doors open to reveal a few guys from Chan's swimming team that you knew the faces of but not their names, running over to you with panic-stricken expressions.

"Hey, uh, I think you should come with us, it’s Chris.”

You frowned, already following them with brisk footsteps, a sick feeling in your stomach growing as you tried to picture what could’ve possibly been going on.

“What happened?”

Pushing open the door leading to the swimming area, your eyes searched desperately to find Chan in the crowd.

“He got into a fight with uh-”

Upon spotting Chan in the crowd, your heart sank, “him.”

You saw people trying to break up the fight, yet also hesitant to do so in fear of the council member's son. You ran over to where he was, your hands shaking from anxiousness and your heart pounding so hard you could hear it, pushing your way through the crowd and flinching when you saw that guy grip Chan by the collar, as the rest of his friends had pulled Chan's hands behind him. Chan shoved his friends backwards, freeing his hands from their grip with apparent ease before taking the boy's hand that was grabbing his collar, pulling it away from his chest, making you wonder how hard Chan was gripping him for him to immediately cower in fear, desperately trying to pull Chan’s hand off of his.

“Chan!” You called, and you saw the guy turn to you, a look in his eyes begging you to stop Chan that you couldn’t help but pity.

Deciding it was now or never, you intercepted, pushing the guy away from Chan and grabbing Chan’s arms, successfully managing to direct his gaze to yours, and you almost sighed in relief when you saw his gaze soften, his expression changing to that of a kicked puppy, his haziness mixed with confusion at the sight of you.

The crowd had started to disperse, and you led Chan out of the swimming area, away from prying eyes. Mindlessly following you, he hadn’t uttered a word even as you left the school gates, too shocked to notice that the wounds on his knuckles were already healing, all he could process now being that he felt so embarrassed that he’d let himself act out like that, that he’d let his anger get the better of him even after all the times he told you not to let what he says get to you. Only now managing to let the haziness fade off now as you were walking briskly in front of him, the reality of the situation beginning to sink in.

“Are you mad at me?” You were shocked at the way his tone sounded so defeated, so afraid to hear your answer.

You shrugged, your hand still gripping his tightly. Glancing at his hand discreetly while walking, you noticed the smoothness of his previously bruised knuckles. His wounds were healing.

“Should I be?”

You didn’t know what the fight was about, or how it started, and frankly you didn’t really care at this point of time. All you knew was that you saw the way his expression looked when you stopped him, and you knew you wanted to make sure that he was okay.

“I’m sorry,” he stopped you before you reached the street you both lived on, his gaze directed towards anywhere but you.

“I don’t know what came over me, I just…got really angry and before I knew it you were stopping me,” he sighed, feeling as though he could cry thinking of how easy it was for him to underestimate his strength.

You nodded, “I know, it’s not like you to get into physical fights like these,” you murmured, regretting your choice of words when you saw him look even more upset.

Giving you a nod, he continued, “yeah…it isn’t.”

Chan felt like burying his face in a pillow and screaming, there was no way you’d be able to see him in the same light as before, all he’d shown to you was that he was reckless, and from what he was sure of, there was no way that was part of traits you looked for in a guy.

“I’m really…really sorry,” you heard him say, starting to walk again, and you were starting to grow worried at how Chan seemed as though he were beginning to shut down, knowing that it was best to give him his space to collect his thoughts now.

You’d walked the rest of the way with him to his house in an uncomfortably tense silence. Your phone was lighting up non-stop with notifications from different people, sending you the video someone had taken of the fight and telling you to look at it. While you were holding up your phone, Chan had caught a glimpse of the contents of the messages, only serving to make him feel even worse about himself.

Entering his house, Chan had let go of your hand silently after giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m gonna go upstairs,” Chan gave you a sad smile before heading upstairs, ignoring the calls of his mother who was currently in the living room typing on her computer.

“Y/N, honey. What happened? Is Chan alright?”

Setting her laptop on the sofa cushion, she’d gotten up to approach you, casting a concerned glance upstairs.

You let out a nervous laugh, “uh... I guess? He’s not really okay, per se. It’s more of like a…” you trailed off in your rambling, unsure how to approach the topic.

You lowered your voice, “he kind of got into a fight at school,” you murmured, earning a wide-eyed look from his mom.

She opened and closed her mouth in lack of a response, tilting her head in disbelief, “fight?”

You huffed in nervousness.

“Yeah, I know, it’s pretty…out of character. But he seemed really upset about it, and I thought it was better if you knew… you know, before the school calls you about it and all," you shrugged, “or the town council, you really never know,” you added as an afterthought.

She let out a small sigh, nodding, “thanks for telling me, dear. I'll have a chat with him, are you going up?"

You shook your head quickly.

"Oh, nah, it's fine. I think it'd be better if I let him have his space...and stuff," you huffed, flashing Chan's mom a polite smile before leaving the house.

Meanwhile, Chan had taken the longest shower of his life, hoping the water would drown out the sound of you and his mom talking downstairs. He'd been in the shower long enough that his mom had turned off the water heater, Chan taking that as his queue that it was about time to stop prolonging his shower to delay facing his worries.

Once he was out of the shower, Chan wasn't sure why he'd expected to see you in his room, letting out a deep sigh when he was met with the opposite.

Checking his phone in the hope that you could’ve messaged him, he was surprised when he saw that he really did have a notification from you.

He scrolled past the pictures and videos from his swim meet, immediately reading the string of messages you'd sent:

7:34pm -text me so I know you’re okay :(- 7:37pm -and before you ask me again, I’m really not mad at you- 7:37pm -let me know if you need to talk, alright? Rest well-

Chan was about to reply you, hearing a knock at his door and hearing his mom whispering harshly outside to whom could only be his dad.

Chan 8:00pm -thanks, u shld get some rest too-

Chan watched as his bedroom door opened, his parents entering his room with serious expressions that only made him dread what kind of conversation they were about to have even more. Not that his parents had ever lectured him before, but he knew that this circumstance was different.

“Hey, honey, how are you feeling?” His mom began, sitting next to where he was sitting leaning against the headboard, his dad walking over to his desk table, picking up the packet of red ginseng Chan had forgotten he’d left there.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot to tell you I’ve kind of been drinking the red ginseng extract,” Chan sighed, making his mom suck in a sharp breath.

“Right, that’s kind of what we wanted to talk to you about, honey. That’s…not red ginseng,” his mom began, pressing her lips together firmly before mustering a casual smile.

“Okay, remember how mom and dad used to tell you and Y/N stories about vampires in this town?”

Chan felt himself freeze up, his gaze immediately falling onto his ring, unsure if he was reading too much into what his mom was saying.

“There’s no other way to tell you this, Chan, your mom and I, we’re vampires,” Chan’s eyes widened, staring blankly at his parents as his dad continued.

“Your mom was turned after you were born, so we thought initially that you might not show the same traits as all vampires, but we only found out after you were born that you would only develop the traits later on in your life, which is…now.”

Chan felt as though he were dreaming, that this was just another story that he heard that he would share with you later on, except it wasn’t, because his parents had started to name the traits, and only then did Chan realise how much he’d been misidentifying his traits, potentially putting the people around him in danger.

“And uh…Y/N’s parents know, of course, since they’ve been providing us with the blood.”

“Does Y/N know?” Chan frowned.

His mom shook her head hesitantly, “we don’t…think so, from what we know she still doesn’t know.”

Chan inhaled deeply, feeling as though the weight on his chest had only gotten heavier. He hadn’t even told you he liked you yet, and now he had to tell you he was a vampire of all things too?

“And about the blood, usually one bag is enough to last you for a week, but we're thinking the reason you might be finding it a little hard to control your bloodlust is because you've been drinking it so regularly that your body, especially because you’re still adjusting, just needs more, do you understand?"

Chan felt like he was gonna be sick, this whole time he had been drinking blood? He recalled the time he'd let you try it and you'd almost puked at the taste; Chan hadn't found it weird then but now that he knew this, he felt veryuncomfortable.

"Is it…human blood?"

His dad nodded his head. “The hospital has a system where people donate their blood for the sake of this arrangement, similarly to how they did in the past when there were more vampires in the town. And it’s ensured that the people are taken care of and allowed to recover after donating.”

Now Chan really felt sick, not being able to quite process the events that had been occurring the past few weeks in a new light.

He thought about the fight that had happened, how hazy he was because all he could think about was how thirsty he was and how giddy with frustration that was making him feel, only now he could actually place what he was craving.

"Which is also why we gave you the ring, it's to protect you from the sun. If you don't wear it when you go out, you could pretty much burn to death." Chan’s dad shot a look at his mom for her bluntness, having been able to sense how shocked his son was.

Chan's eyes widened in shock, his hand instinctively going to touch his ring.

"Are we missing anything out?" Chan's mom turned to his dad to ask, earning a delayed shake of his head.

"I don't think so, but Chan, if you have any questions about it please come to your mom and I, we really...we were afraid of how you'd adjust to the changes so we just wanna make sure you're okay."

Chan nodded, still feeling as though his head was spinning with the sheer weight of the information he was suddenly receiving.

"I think I just need some time to get used to it, but I'll be fine...hopefully," he let out a half-hearted laugh.

Chan's dad mouthed to his mom while he was busy zoning out 'we should leave him alone'

Taking the queue to leave, Chan's mom patted his leg gently, "we'll go now, then. Goodnight, honey."

Giving them a small smile, Chan waited for them to leave before he could flop back onto his pillow with a groan.

===

That night, your parents had returned home earlier than usual, having eaten dinner already, you’d sat yourself on the recliner in your living room, debating on whether or not to watch the video that you now had multiple copies of saved in your phone from the sheer multitude of times it was sent to you.

Deciding to click on it, you went to the comments first, hoping it would give you a little insight on what the contents of the video were.

You scrolled through the comments.

‘wow he’s such an asshole, if I were that guy I wldve beat him up too’

‘is he talking abt y/n???’

‘I was there at the fight… he didn’t do anything wrong...I would’ve been mad if I heard someone talking abt my friend like that too’  

You let out a sigh, deciding to click on the video and turn the volume up so you could hear what he said, a strong feeling of discomfort building in you as you heard what that boy had said about you, flinching in shock when you saw the way Chan had punched him, the impact sending the boy stumbling to the ground.

You’d continued watching with wide eyes, the recording only stopping after you had intervened, setting your phone down with a small sigh, resting your head in your hands and closing your eyes, trying to process what had happened.

Chan was definitely going to get suspended because of you.

“Y/N?” You raised your head slowly, spotting your dad entering the living room with a bowl of fruits, going over to sit on the sofa closest to you, holding the bowl out for you to take.

You mustered a smile as you took the bowl from him, deciding against telling him about what had happened, not wanting to trouble your dad after his long day at work.

“Thanks. How was your day?” You asked him before he could direct the question to you, seeing him give you a knowing look.

“Got called in to treat this boy’s injuries today, boy called for the head doctor specifically because his dad was a council member,” your heart sank, wondering how badly he was injured since you’d left the scene so hastily. So much for not telling him what happened.

“The kid came in with a broken wrist, nose and ribs,” your dad continued, making you wince at the thought of the amount of strength Chan would’ve had to have to cause such injuries just from what you saw in the video. “So, you know. As a doctor, I have to ask how it happened, right?”

Your eyes widened, “dad, you have to understand, Chan really doesn't usually get into fights like this, I wasn’t there when it happened, I tried to stop him as fast as I cou—"

“I’m not mad at Chan, honey.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “you’re…not?”

Your dad smiled, shaking his head, “I mean, of course, as a medical practitioner I should be against all sorts of violence, but…I understand why Chan did it. Hell, even your mom wanted to pummel that poor boy, you should’ve seen his face when he realised who we were. I’ve watched Chan grow up, I know he’s a good kid.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head as you were able to picture your mom’s reaction.

Your mom had finished washing up, making her way downstairs to join you and your father in the living room, “are you guys talking about that stupid boy we saw in the hospital today?”

She’d huffed in annoyance as your dad nodded, taking a seat next to your dad as she munched on the remaining fruits your dad had left over for her.

“We saw the video,” your mom said, earning a grimace from you.

“I really didn’t like the things he said about you, baby. But I’m glad Chan was there to stand up for you when we couldn’t,” she told you seriously, “I have to say, I’m really glad you and Chan have each other.”

“How is he, anyway?”

You shrugged, “a mess, basically. He feels really bad for hitting the guy, thought he could use some space, so we haven’t talked much after I brought him home.”

Your mom scoffed, “yeah well that boy deserved it.”

Your dad gave her a warning look, letting out a small sigh.

“Chan’s a good kid,” he said, more to remind himself than anything, his previous reservations about how safe you would be around Chan beginning to dissipate. If today wasn’t enough evidence, it was clear that you were the last person Chan would want to hurt. Instead, you were the one he would go out on a limb for to protect.

You frowned. You knew Chan was a good kid, of course you knew that, he was your closest friend. You’d seen him grow from being too shy to even introduce himself to the class to someone who was strong, stood for what he believed in, and unashamed to be generous with his love (although he was still a little shy).

Knowing Chan, you couldn’t imagine the kind of inner conflict he was going through now, wanting to comfort him but at the same time knowing he needed space to think. If he was a vampire, how much of him would change? So far, all you saw were physical changes, but you were starting to wonder if there were actually changes taking place that you couldn’t see, changes that could’ve made him act up like how he did today.

“What’s with that expression, baby?”

You shook your head, “nothing…actually, do you remember all the stories you used to tell us about vampires?”

You missed the look your mom and dad had exchanged, shifting your position on the recliner so you were sitting on your legs, hearing them hum in affirmation.

“Uh-huh, what about them?”

You pursed your lips, a part of you knowing you had to ask but another part of you having an inkling on what reply they were going to give you, figuring you’d might as well ask now so you could stop theorising about it.

“I have a question, but it requires you to answer me with complete honesty, okay?”

“About what, dear?” Your dad asked.

You took a deep breath,

“Chan…is he like,” you huffed in amusement, finding the situation to feel all too unreal yet extremely real at the same time, “is he a vampire?”

===

You hadn’t seen Chan for the next few days, hearing from Chan’s mom that he was still resting and that he’d been suspended for a week after the fight. Sure, you’d text, but it was never more than asking what you did in school or telling him what he’d missed in lessons. It was as if neither of you wanted to talk about the fight, especially Chan.

You were waiting for him to reach out to you first, and it was only a matter of days before he did, sending you a text on whether you wanted to hang out that evening.

3:38pm -wanna come over to my place instead? We can watch the latest episodes of my vampire show-

You had texted him, and Chan was determined not to let the whole vampire situation deter him. He would have to face it at one point, anyway.

Chan 3:40pm -sure thing-

In the time that Chan was waiting for you to get home, he was busy trying to rehearse how to act.

Do I bring dinner there? But if I bring dinner there I won’t wanna eat it and she’s gonna sense something is up. Unless I just act really well?

Chan dismissed the thought. He couldn’t help but wonder if things would be awkward for the both of you since you were so used to seeing each other regularly. And would you be able to sense that things were off? Chan always whined about your vampire show, you didn’t even notice how compliant he was being this time, simply focused on how much you wanted to see him and make sure he was doing okay.

Chan had taken a shower in a poor attempt to make himself feel less stressed, changing into his black hoodie and sweatpants when he saw your text saying he could come over already, and that you ordered take out.

He’d also noticed another text from his mom

Mom 6:01pm -make sure to eat, alright? you haven’t eaten since your game day-

Chan sighed, replying his mother to appease her and going over to your house. Upon knocking on your door, you wondered why Chan hadn’t just let himself in like he always did, but you jogged over to the door nonetheless, hoping you didn’t look overly excited when you saw him.

If you did, it was gone quickly. Chan looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, looking more tired than anything, giving you a small smile when he saw you.

“You look tired, Chan,” you frowned, and out of habit, you’d brought your hands up to cup his face, your eyes filled with concern, which only served to make Chan even more shy under your gaze, knowing his…eating habits weren’t the easiest thing to explain to you at this point.

Bringing his hands up to grasp at your wrists, he gave you a reassuring smile, “I’m fine, Y/N, don’t worry about me.”

You removed your hands from his face, closing the door behind him and locking it before you’d gone to the living room, where he saw that the food you ordered was already sitting on the coffee table (as if he hadn’t been able to smell it the moment he stood outside your door).

“How’s house arrest?” You joked.

Chan let out a groan, “boring. I’ve already done all the homework so there’s literally nothing else for me to do.”

“What a nerd,” you scrunched your nose up, making him scoff, a satisfied smile appearing on your face as your comment elicited a smile from him.

You flipped open the pizza box and took a slice for yourself as your free hand switched the television on, “well, I must be your lifesaver, then, for asking you to come over. Though I wasn’t expecting you to say yes,” you shot him a knowing look, “you always make fun of my vampire show.”

Chan shrugged, letting out a high-pitched sound in his hesitance, “you know, I guess it’s not that bad,” he shrugged.

You hadn’t questioned Chan on why he wasn’t eating, not wanting to put him on the spot. You’d explained to him the context of the show when he’d asked, finding him awfully quiet while watching the show, a drastic absence of his usual comments on how it was unrealistic. Chan knowing very well that it was possible now.

When an episode of your show had ended, you’d gone to dispose of the pizza box and kept the leftovers in case your parents wanted something to snack on when they came back from the hospital. Washing your hands and cutting some fruits before returning to the living room.

In a momentary lapse of judgement, you’d offered Chan a forkful of fruit, only realising the absurdity of the question afterwards, but not being able to withdraw your offer without it seeming weird. Chan knew this as well, simply leaning over and biting the fruit off of your fork, swallowing it down after barely chewing it.

“Sweet,” he murmured, frankly not knowing whether it was sweet or not with how quickly he’d swallowed it.

You’d let the next episode play, looking as though you were watching the show intently but frankly not being able to focus on anything other than Chan’s presence next to you. It was strange, almost upsetting, how he’d suddenly not dared to wrap his arm around your shoulder like he usually did, or rest his hand on one of your legs so you could let him play with your fingers absently like how he usually did. Now all he did was fiddle with his own fingers as he sat restlessly in his seat.

“Are you…staying over?” You asked, preparing yourself for the disappointment of him saying no.

“Can I?” He asked, turning to look at you with an expression similar to that of a child asking for extra sweets.

You let out a huff, not being able to understand why he felt the need to ask you after so many years of doing so yet knowing why at the same time.

“Of course, you can. You don’t even need to ask,” you shifted your body on the sofa so you were facing him a little more, supporting your elbow on the sofa cushion as you continued to eat your fruits.

“Thanks for this, by the way,” he told you, making you furrow your eyebrows, giving him a confused frown.

“For what?”

“For inviting me over.”

You’d almost forgotten the show was playing, a loud commotion from the show dragging your attention away from Chan temporarily, the both of you having only being able to focus on this conversation you were having with each other.

“You were the one that wanted to hang out first, I should be thanking you” You murmured, seeing him poke his tongue in his cheek before shaking his head slowly.

“I didn’t wanna show up uninvited...and all…. didn’t sit right with me after…whatever happened. Felt like you needed your space too,” he shrugged, knowing you were just as shaken up as he was from your interaction with the guy, something you were still unaware that Chan had seen.

You couldn’t help but smile, “you’re always invited, alright? You could show up at 4am unannounced and I’d still let you in,” you laughed, seeing a hint of a smile playing at his lips.

“Thank you,” he took in a deep breath, “I was starting to come up with any excuse I could to come over.”

Chan huffed, his gaze searching yours for an expression he could place, “I really needed any excuse to see you.”

You felt as though you couldn’t move, averting your gaze from Chan so you would stop glancing at his lips. You just weren’t sure what was coming over you, all of a sudden feeling so enamoured of him as he was sitting in front of you, filled with so much unadulterated affection towards him that you’d just really wanted to kiss him.

You’d wished you could slap yourself, here you were having a nice comforting moment with Chan, yet you couldn’t stand the fact that he was sitting so far away from you. That wasn’t how these things usually worked, was it?


“Lets…continue watching the show,” you blurted, thankful he hadn’t refuted.

And so you did, except this time, you both did what you always did, snuggle up against Chan as his hand rested comfortably around you, his other hand playing with your fingers, pressing the pads of his fingers against your fingertips and smoothing his thumb over your knuckles, his actions exuding warmth.

And as habitual your actions were, somehow, they felt extremely new, the warmth and comfort Chan made you feel slowly lulling you to sleep, your show long forgotten by the both of you.

Chan had woken up when he heard the crack of thunder outside the window, not knowing how the both of you had ended up falling asleep, your head bent at what looked like an uncomfortable angle as you were fast asleep, your hand grasping Chan’s.

Chan had carefully lifted himself from the sofa, slipping his hands under you to lift you up, almost hissing when you’d stirred awake, your eyes opening to blink at him groggily. Chan decided to pull you all the way up into a standing position, his hand coming up to smooth your hair down, eliciting a tired smile from you. You’d wanted to turn your head, halting halfway when you felt a sore pain in your neck, Chan immediately knowing it was from your bad sleeping posture.

“Are you okay?” His hand gently massaged your neck at where your hand was, “let’s get you upstairs, hmm?”

You’d frowned, emotions heightened in your half-asleep daze.

“I missed you,” you frowned, as if you were only realising it now as he was standing before you, especially because there was a part of you that was afraid he wasn’t going to be there when you woke up and that you’d just dreamed up this meeting of yours.

“You’re always so…. nice to me,” you sighed, sleepiness taking over and causing you to let your head rest against his chest. Chan was thankful you weren’t awake enough to notice how flustered he was, letting his hand continue to gently rub at your neck.

“I care about you a lot too, you know?” you mumbled, making Chan halt his actions. His eyebrows raising in surprise, unsure how to react.

“You must be really tired, let’s get you upstairs so you can sleep,” his tone was gentle, leading you upstairs and into your room, as you slipped under the covers and waited for him to do so as well, stretching his arm out so you could come closer, wrapping your arm around his waist as your head pressed against his chest. Chan held you close to himself, too tired to pay any heed to the way his fangs ached, suppressing his hunger for your sake.

Chan wasn’t sure what came over him to warrant his next sentence, “what if I said I liked you?”

You smiled, already slipping into that foggy period between sleep and wakefulness, “I’d be glad.”

Chan’s eyes widened.

“You’re joking, right?” He asked. Figuring he was too late when he was only met with your light snoring in reply.

===

"I knew you'd cave," Minho's smug tone echoed in Chan's bedroom, earning an eye roll from Chan.

"Yeah, alright. Fine, so what do you think? Is it a good idea?" Chan brushed Minho's comment aside, already whipping his sketchbook out in his assumption that Minho would acknowledge the ingenuity of his idea.

"Absolutely not," Minho burst into a fit of giggles.

Chan scoffed, his hand halting before he could write anything down on the sketchbook.

"Why not?" he whined, setting his pen down on his sketchbook with a heavy sigh, leaning back in his chair to run his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Are you hearing yourself? You really think she’s gonna swoon if you re-enact some scene from some rom com you're not even a hundred percent sure she's seen before?"

Chan pouted. The idea seemed pretty romantic in his head, the whole 'love actually' sketchbook scene. There were many pros to it in Chan's eyes: Firstly, that he wouldn't have to speak, and secondly, that he would be able to plan his words beforehand. And Thirdly, it was certified as ‘romantic’ by the general public, so there was a higher chance of you thinking it was romantic too, in Chan’s opinion.

However, Minho had only seemed to see the cons.

"First of all, didn't the sketchbook guy get friend-zoned? Secondly, stop hiding behind these movie moments, this is like the 5th romantic movie related confession scene you've brought up in this one conversation."

"Then what do you suggest I do? Stand outside her window and shout out my love for her?"

Minho snorted, "okay, slow down, Romeo. Take this systematically. What kind of things does Y/N like?"

Chan's answers came from the top of his head, "I don't know?! Cute vampires?"

Minho guffawed, his laughter muffled obnoxiously over the phone, "well that's perfect, then, isn't it? You're already a vampire, get her a bit tipsy and she'll probably think you're cute too!"

Chan huffed, "ha, ha, very funny. This is giving me a headache."

Minho let out an intrigued hum, "headache?"

Chan sighed, "yeah, jokes aside, my head's been hurting since the morning."

Minho frowned, a short period of silence on his side of the line before he questioned, "are you seriously still not eating?"

Chan fell silent, not wanting to pursue the topic and end up getting another lecture from Minho. He was the only one that knew about it other than his parents, but in moments like this, Chan wished he hadn't told someone as sharp as Minho.

"No comment," Chan murmured.

Chan heard Minho let out a deep sigh, his following words falling on deaf ears when he saw your contact pop up on his phone screen.

y/n 10:14pm -wyd? kind of need ur help-

Chan replied quickly.

10:14pm -nothing much, want me to come over?-

y/n 10:14pm -yes pls that’d be great thank u-

That was all Chan needed you to say for him to get ready to go over.

"Hey, Minho, thanks for the help. I'm going to her house now, I'll talk to you another time."

Minho let out a displeased grunt, "yeah, yeah. Whatever, go."

Chan couldn't help the smile from his face, grabbing his jacket and heading downstairs.

“Where are you going, honey?” His mom asked, wondering why her son looked so happy to be heading out in the middle of the night.

“Y/N’s house, I’ll be late, bye!” he called, which Chan’s mom took as ‘I’ll be staying over’, in other words.  

Letting himself into your house with his spare key, Chan had heard the sound of your voice coming from the living room.

”Chan, I'm over here," you called.

Walking into your living room, Chan had spotted you sitting on the floor at the coffee table, leaning against the sofa with your eyes closed.

He'd noticed the haphazard layout of what he assumed was schoolwork splayed across the expanse of the coffee table, along with the almost empty cup of tea sitting at the edge of the table, making a ring on one of your discarded pieces of writing.

"What's the damage?" Chan huffed in amusement, his dimples appearing as you opened your eyes to look at him tiredly.

"I've been avoiding these questions for like basically half the day, but I really tried doing it and I really can't seem to figure it out," you lamented, stretching your hand out to beckon Chan over, eyeing him as he peeked over at the contents of the worksheets, figuring he couldn't miss this opportunity to tease you once he saw what it was.

"Chemistry, huh? Why didn't you ask Mingyu?"

Your eyes widened, looking blankly at him as he scooched over closer to you, picking up the paper with your circled, un-done questions.

"I...I don't know," you murmured, shrugging. You were too tired to think straight at this point, simply speaking off your mind in reply to Chan's question.

"Guess you were the first person that crossed my mind to call."

Chan had lifted the paper higher to hide his face from you, his smile growing as his shyness doubled, giving you a thoughtful hum.

Chan gestured to your first circled question, “this one is solved pretty much the same as the previous question. You got the answer at first, why'd you erase it?" he laughed, gesturing to your angry pencil scribbles next to the question, making you frown.

"That was correct? What the-"

"And for this question, you have to use this equation," he scribbled next to the question, "It's really similar to the one you used but you have to use this because the question mentions this," his words weren't making sense to you because of the tapping of the pen on the paper when he gestured between the equation, the questions and your scribbles.

"Are you following me?" Chan asked, seeing your delayed reaction of removing your gaze from your paper to give him a wide-eyed look. He knew you weren't listening, and that you'd ask him how to do the questions again later on while you were doing it, Chan just couldn't help but want to tease you, especially with how tired and sleepy you looked, practically begging for cuddles.

"Uh-huh," you nodded.

“As for this one, I think you should read the question out loud,” there was a slight smirk at his lips, handing the paper over to you as you read out the question slowly, only then realising what you missed out, looking at him with a sheepish expression.

After you’d done the questions, you’d wanted to go get a refill for your tea.

“Do you want anything?” You yawned, earning a shake of the head from him.

“Alright, I’ll be quick,” you told him, bringing your cup over to the kitchen. The hot water jug was full, since you’d just filled it before you started doing your work.

However, in your haste to pick it up, you felt a sharp pain in your wrist, reflexively dropping the jug back onto the table, knocking the teacup off of the counter in the process, causing it to break into shards against the tiled floor.

In your haste to pick the pieces up, you’d underestimated the crack on the glass, which nicked your palm painfully, making you let go of the glass as you sucked in a sharp breath.

Chan had gone over to the kitchen the moment he heard the teacup shattering, going over to help you clean up but stopping in his tracks when he’d smelled the blood from the cut, feeling the now-familiar ache in his gums.

Was not feeding for more than 2 weeks a good idea? In retrospect, probably not, Chan was realising now, as he struggled to suppress his thirst as he looked upon the scene.

“Wait, wait, don’t move,” his words were muffled by the hand covering his mouth, and only then did you realise the blood had started to drip slightly down your wrist.

You’d taken a step back, trying to stop the bleeding with a cloth as Chan helped you clear up the glass, disposing of it quickly.

He’d kept his mouth closed the entire time, not wanting to risk anything as he insisted on helping you to tend to your wound.

“Chan, it’s fine I can do it myself,” you dismissed, earning a stern look from him.

“With one hand? I don’t think so. Look, just sit here, let me do it for you,” he told you with his back facing you as he took the first-aid kit out of the overhead shelves, making you sit at the dining table.

Pulling his shirt up to cover his nose as you washed your hand, you couldn’t help but find his determination to cover his mouth rather amusing.

“Did they teach you this in first-aid training?” You joked, trying to stifle your laughter as he narrowed his eyes at you.

You didn’t miss the hazy look in Chan’s eyes as he was taking the ointment out from the first-aid kit, staring at your hand and visibly gulping.

“Chan,” you called, drawing his gaze away from your cut, only then realising that he wasn’t doing anything.

“Oh, right, sorry.”

Shaking his head, he’d squeezed the ointment on the cotton bud, applying it on your cut as gently as he could, his hands moving quickly to grab the gauze to cover the cut with, disposing of the cotton bud and returning the first-aid kit to its original place, walking past you to sit at the dinner table, his hands going back up to cover his mouth, not even noticing he was staring at your hand with a far-too-glazed-over-to-be-normal look.

“Chan, are you okay?”

He averted his gaze almost reluctantly from your hand, looking at you with wide eyes, his hands still covering his mouth.

“Yeah, just…yeah…”

“You look even more tired than you did the other day, are you sure you’re okay?”

Chan shook his head, “nah, yeah, I’m really fine.”

You had to stop yourself from looking too amused, standing up to walk over to your fridge, where your parents kept the other smaller box of extract packets that they hadn’t given Chan’s family yet. Taking one out of the box, Chan’s eyes widened as you brought it over to him, pushing it towards him.

“Hmm?”

“You look like you could use it, you know… all those… revitalising properties.”

Chan shook his head firmly, “no, no, really it’s fine.”

“I’m serious, Chan. Just drink it.”

Chan looked at you curiously, wanting to figure out what you were trying to do but at the same time not being able to resist the temptation of his food right in front of him.

He thought back to how dangerous it could have been for you if he had less self-control than he did just now, deciding it was in his and your best intentions to eat now.

Reaching over hesitantly, Chan had grabbed the packet from the table top, bringing it slowly to his mouth, “don’t look, please.”

“Why not? We’ve eaten in front of each other a thousand times,” you laughed.

Chan shook his head, “no I’m kind of like...a messy eater.”

You entertained him for now, looking away briefly but looking back at him just as quick, watching intently as he brought the packet up to his lips. Chan felt the ache in his gums return, ripping a slightly-too-big opening in the packet with his teeth in his haste, beginning to drink from the packet.

Chan was sure it was because of how he hadn’t fed in so long, but something about him was starting to feel so, so hungry.

You were absolutely fascinated, watching as he drained the packet quickly, almost letting out a moan at how satisfied he was.

He was still hungry. Pulling the packet away from his lips, he hadn’t noticed the blood lingering at the corner of his lips, his pupils looking blown and his face was already beginning to look less tired.

“Can I uh…can I have another one, please?” His voice was hoarse, making him clear his throat and look at you expectantly.

You nodded, standing up and walking over to the fridge, Chan following behind you like a lost puppy, his hand on your back impatiently while you were retrieving the packet, a slight heat creeping up in your cheeks at his proximity.

Clicking your tongue at him in feigned annoyance as you handed him the next packet, you hoisted yourself up onto the counter as he stood facing you, leaning against the chair of the dining table.

Too hungry to be shy at this point, Chan bit off another opening in the packet, squeezing the packet as he drank, draining it just as quickly as he did to the previous packet, a bit of the blood getting on his fingers and his lips in his greed.

You weren’t sure why the sight of him was so endearing to you. It was as if nothing was different, that after all this was still Chan standing before you, shy, stupid Chan.

You’d taken a few tissues from the box behind you on the counter, reaching over to wipe his mouth, gently grazing his fangs as you did so.

Holding out one of your hands, you let out a disgruntled noise as he brought his fingers to his lips instead, sucking the remaining blood from his fingers.

“You know, I know, don’t you?” You bit your lip, amusement in your tone.

“Huh?” He frowned in confusion as he brought his hand away from his mouth slowly, not missing the way he'd checked if he missed any blood out. Chan's downturned eyes and pout making you bring your hands up to cup his face, squishing his cheeks slightly.

“That you’re a vampire.”

Chan’s eyes widened in realisation, tensing up at your words, his mouth falling slightly agape in shock.

“What? You really think I would’ve just fed you red ginseng in the middle of the night? And that I wouldn’t have been able to tell with your fangs on full display in front of me now?”

Chan had closed his mouth quickly, opening them again when he was sure they had retracted, averting his gaze as much as he could, even though your hands on his cheeks were begging him to look at you, Chan almost leaning into your touch despite the feeling of your gauze against his cheek.

“Are you…grossed out? Cause I can totally understand that…”

You laughed, shaking your head as you let your thumb caress his cheek gently, “I…. don’t really care.”

“But like, I drink human blood now! That’s like… basically cannibalism!”

You hummed thoughtfully to entertain him, “now that you’re a vampire, it’s not quite cannibalism, is it?”

“Y/N, you can’t seriously not think of me differently—”

You shook your head, making him stop mid-sentence, “honestly, I knew for a while now. From the time I helped you train for your swim meet. But… after observing you, kind of, for a while, I realised that nothing really changed about you.”

"What do you mean nothing changed? so many things changed, I became stronger, faster, my eating preferences changed, I have fangs now-"

You rolled your eyes with a laugh, "you know that's not what I mean. I mean you're still...  you! You still wouldn't hurt anyone if you had a choice, you're always looking out for others before yourself. And don't even try to lie, I know you probably haven't been eating ever since you found out you were a vampire because you feel bad."

Chan frowned, hating how you were right because that meant he had less reasons to deter you now, yet at the same time glad that this was so, since he didn't really want to deter you in the first place, he just wasn't sure whether he could believe what you were implying.

You shrugged, pulling your hands away from his face to rest on your lap, “you’re still the Chan I know and love,” you smiled, not believing you uttered those words for yourself, and now it was your turn for your hands to cover your mouth in shock.

Chan couldn't comprehend how lightly you were taking it, a part of him practically able to hear Minho calling him an idiot for not professing his love for you then and there.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t…love a vampire, it’s too dangerous. Didn’t you see how injured that guy got? It’s just not logical, I probably still don’t know the full extent of my strength!” Chan shook his head, finding the situation too good to be true.

You rolled your eyes, groaning, “shut up, Chan. If your mom could love a vampire when she was a human, why can't I?"

This had shut him up quickly, the urge to kiss you only growing. Your words implied romantic love, but Chan couldn't quite seem to come to terms with that.

Chan's gaze was unwavering, tilting his head at you, "you...huh?"

You shook your head, getting off of the counter as you let out a dramatic sigh, "fine, Chan. If you don't believe me there's really nothing else for me to do."

You had already begun walking away, leaving Chan speechless in the kitchen, following after you quickly once he'd realised what you said.

Finding you at your previous seat in the living room, you were packing up your worksheets as best as you could without hurting your hand too much.

Chan made his way over to kneel next to you, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I saw the video, you know," you told Chan abruptly, in your haste to find ways to prove to him that you meant what you said.

Chan had fallen silent, sitting on his knees as he rest his elbow on the sofa to support himself.

"I'm sorry he said those things about you," Chan muttered.

Letting go of your papers and looking at him with a childlike smile, you shook your head, "you got angry and stood up for me, that's enough for me."

Chan felt something stir in himself, feeling a sudden surge of confidence in him as compared to the usual uncertainty he felt approaching you.

“You really mean what you said?” He asked you, earning a nod from you, “fine,” he murmured, a certain hint of determination in his tone.

“It’s not gonna be easy, though…it’s gonna be really hard,” he told you, “and we’re gonna have to work at this everyday…but I wanna do that because I want you.”

You pressed your lips together in a tight line, trying your best not to burst out laughing at how adorable Chan was.

“Are you seriously…quoting ‘The Notebook’ right now?”

Chan’s lips parted in shock, again being able to hear Minho tell him ‘I told you it was a bad idea’, but before he could cower in embarrassment, he’d felt you take his hand gently, “that was really cute, Chan but….I’d like to hear it from you, and not one of those rom coms you’ve watched with me a thousand times.”

Chan huffed, “fine,” he took in a deep breath,

"I really, really like you," he murmured, before deciding that that wasn't enough to express how he felt.

"No, honestly? I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. Like, if I knew anything about love...this would be it."

You were at a loss for words, looking at him blankly as he stopped leaning against the sofa, looking at you for any form of affirmation or acknowledgement.

"I.." you began, "I think this would be it for me too," you mumbled, your confidence from before dissipating, seeming to have been transferred to Chan as he gave you a confident smile, grabbing your good hand as he pulled you closer to him.

"I really want to kiss you right now," he told you, his dimples appearing with his smile as his hand made its way to your neck.

"Never thought I’d say this but... me too," you smiled.

Chan took that as his cue to pull you even closer to him, pressing his lips against yours, your arms wrapping around his neck for stability, almost feeling overwhelmed when Chan deepened the kiss.

Too distracted by each other, it'd felt like it was just this moment that was all you could focus on, feeling Chan push you further back, his hand going to the floor behind you so as not to hurt you when your back came into contact with the floor, which you couldn’t help but laugh at, even in his haste Chan could think about things like you hurting your back.

Chan was straddling you now, yet careful not to put too much of his weight on you, your hands absently running through his hair, knowing Chan was a sucker for you playing with his hair.

Chan was beginning to get lost in the kiss, and you swore you'd felt something sharp poking at your lower lip, hearing him hum softly as his hand behind your waist pulled you towards him, making your back arch slightly. Feeling a slight pain at your lower lip, you made a surprised sound when you felt his tongue lick your lower lip, almost absolutely certain he'd drawn blood, making you flick his head in a silent warning.

Your heart stopped when you heard the door unlocking, tapping Chan on the back quickly in an attempt to warn him, the said boy not budging until the door had opened, making you shove the nearest thing you could find between the both of your faces, in this case, it was a pillow from the sofa.

"Y/N, we heard Chan was-"

You shoved Chan off of you quickly, hoping your parents hadn't seen anything, but wanting to wince at the sight of messy haired Chan with a pillow shoved against his mouth and you, whose shirt was riding up and lower lip was an angry red.

Your mom pressed her lips together tightly in an attempt to hide her smile, Chan hearing her whisper to your dad that they should let you two be alone, making the heat in his cheeks worsen.

Your dad raised an eyebrow at Chan, who still had the pillow against his face as he bowed his head slightly in greeting towards your parents.

"There’s uh... pizza in the fridge if you guys want," you attempted to lessen your embarrassment, which wasn't very well working with how your parents were cooing at Chan.

"We'll... be upstairs. You're a good kid, Chan," your dad gave him a pointed look, smirking as he headed upstairs with your mom.

"Aren't you supposed to be the one with super hearing?!" you whispered harshly, making Chan give you a sheepish look, his hand going up to run his fingers through his hair, only serving to make it messier.

You reached over to pull the pillow from his face, only realising now why he hadn't done so sooner, spotting two clear tears in the pillowcase, right at the 'o' in 'home' that your mom had embroidered on the pillow.

"Sorry, got a little bit carried away," he admitted.

You gasped, "this is my mom's favourite pillow..."

Chan made an 'o' shape with his mouth in realisation, before turning back to you.

"I guess I could sew it back?"

You exchanged a look with Chan, the both of you knowing very well that a) Chan had no idea how to sew, and b) there was no way you could fix the hole he made in the embroidery with his beginner skills.

You'd erupted into a fit of laughter, the shyness from the events prior only hitting you now.

Taking the pillow from him, you tossed it aside, "we'll worry about that tomorrow, I'm too tired to worry about it now."

Chan glanced at you before looking at the pillow, pursing his lips as if in deep thought, making you let out an amused huff.

"What is it now?"

"Are you too tired to continue where we left off?"

===

"This embroidery is beautiful!"

Chan's parents were over for tea, with you at the kitchen preparing drinks for them and Chan in the living room with the rest of them.

"Did you do this yourself?" Chan gulped when he saw his mom pick up the 'home sweet home' pillow from the sofa, earning a nod from your mom.

"Wait a second," your mom's gaze had instantly spotted the holes on the pillow, narrowing her gaze at the letter 'o'.

"Y/N? What happened to my pillow?" she called over to you in the kitchen.

Almost snorting in amusement, you shrugged, bringing the drinks back to the living room.

"I don't know, why don't you ask Chan?"

Chan shot you a wide-eyed look, furrowing his eyebrows in warning before looking back at your mom sweetly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry that was my fault. I uh... I fell and uh... it got like caught on my ring," he held his hand up to show the ridges of his ring the pillow could've gotten torn on.

Chan's mom shot him a knowing look.

“You fell?" her tone was sceptical as she watched Chan fumble with his words.

"Oh, dear. Please be more careful next time, I really like this pillow."

You held back a laugh as you handed Chan his drink, noticing his fangs peek out as he took a sip, "awfully similar in width, don't you think?" you whispered, holding the pillow up near his face.

"Yes, please be more careful, honey," Chan's mom gave him a pointed look.

Chan nudged you, smiling innocently at your parents, "yep, we'll be more careful."

[quickspinner]

Month of Miracles - Dressing Up 1

Okay, well, obviously this month didn't go anything like I planned, but I'm at least gonna finish the Hallmark AU! It's mostly written, I'm just finalizing it and taking care of all the boring stuff I always skip when I write the first draft! So never fear, we'll finish it before February. I think we have...three, maybe four pieces left to go (famous last words).

This is actually part 1 of 2--partly because I realized that what I had planned for this prompt worked better as two separate scenes and partly because I haven't quite finished part 2 yet anyway, so might as well split it so I can publish this part!

This was partly inspired by The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Find the prompt list here!

Hallmark Movie AU Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 (end) | Read Month of Miracles on AO3

Marinette was sure she would never get used to this small town thing where people popped by without warning. She gave a slightly mournful glance at the pot of coffee that had just finished brewing, and went to get the door with a sigh.

Luka Couffaine stood on the other side, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a bouquet of multicolored flowers. He had that same look of longsuffering he’d worn when he’d come with his mother, but it softened into a smile as he saw her. 

“Um, hi,” Marinette said, suddenly breathless. Why was she nervous? It was just Luka. She just...hadn’t expected to see him again so soon, after she’d cried all over him. She felt both embarrassed and oddly shy. 

“Hi.” Luka gave her a lopsided smile and offered her the flowers. “Rose made me buy them and told me not to come home until you’d forgiven me for upsetting you last night.” 

Marinette’s mouth dropped open as she took the flowers automatically. “But you didn’t do anything wrong,” she protested weakly, looking up at him. 

Luka shrugged. “It was easier not to argue.” 

Marinette giggled a little at that, and Luka’s smile widened for an instant before he looked down. “To be honest,” he began, shoulders curling inward slightly, “I wanted to see you anyway. Make sure you were okay, after all that. It got pretty intense and...I didn’t mean to put that on you.” He straightened and met her eyes again. “I am genuinely sorry about that. I wasn’t intending to upset you so badly.” 

“You didn’t,” Marinette told him, laying a hand on his arm. “Really, Luka. It wasn’t you. And I appreciate that you showed me something so…” she hesitated. 

“Raw?” Luka supplied, with a half smile, and Marinette hunched her shoulders a little in embarrassed acknowledgement. “Sorry if it was too much.”

Marinette shook her head, looking down to play with the stems of the bouquet. “I understand why you did it, and I feel...maybe flattered isn’t the right word, but it’s as close as I can get. I appreciate that you showed me that even though it was hard for you. I do feel like I understand you better now, and…” she shrugged. ”It was worth it.”

Luka glanced away, but he was smiling. “It wasn’t as hard as you might think. Not when it was you.”

Marinette blushed, not at all sure how to respond to that, and there was a moment of awkward silence before Luka cleared his throat. 

“So, um…” he winced. “Rose kind of needs a favor, and so after I groveled at your feet,” he grinned, and Marinette huffed a quick giggle, “I was supposed to ask if you’d be willing to come over to the library and take a look at what she needs. I can take you now, or you can swing by later, whatever works for you.” 

“Oh,” Marinette blinked. “Uh...sure, now’s good I guess. Just—let me put these in some water and get my coffee in a travel mug?” 

“Yeah, sure, no rush,” Luka said, backing up a step. “I’ll get the truck warmed up.” 

He retreated with quick steps, and then climbed into his truck and started it up, holding a hand over the air vent. It had gotten most of the way warmed up on the trip over, but the air blowing from the vents was still a bit chilly. 

What am I doing? he asked himself, and then sighed. He really didn’t know. He just...he felt his expression soften as he glanced up, watching Marinette come out of Gina’s door. He hopped out to open the other door for her. It was a big step up for her into the truck, and when he took her coffee and held her arm to steady her, she turned a warm smile on him that he felt all the way down to his toes.

Okay, he definitely didn’t know what he was doing, but he knew he had to do something. These feelings weren’t going anywhere, and he was starting to feel like a liar, hanging out with her as friends without telling her he was beginning to have deeper feelings for her. 

Way past beginning, if he was honest. 

Well, he thought as he handed back her coffee and closed her door, I was always good at winging it.  

“So what is it that Rose needs?” Marinette asked, as he got up into the driver’s seat and closed the door. 

“Well,” Luka said, flashing Marinette a quick grin, “it seems that there was a mishap in the storage of last year’s pageant costumes, and Rose is hoping you can bail her out.” 

Mishap, he called it. Marinette stared in horror at the costumes Rose had laid out. They were moldy, and stained, and moth-eaten—no, that couldn’t have been moths, did they have rats? Ugh. Marinette’s skin crawled just looking at them.

“Do you think you can save them?” Rose asked, hands folded together in a pleading pose, huge blue eyes staring at Marinette over them. 

Marinette winced. “Rose...I don’t think there’s any salvaging these. I don’t know what got to them but…” She looked back at the tattered cloth and shuddered. “I think you’d better burn them.”  

Rose’s eyes widened and filled with tears. “Oh no!” she whispered, both hands covering her mouth. 

“But I can try to make you some new ones,” Marinette blurted, and then winced. Oh no, why did I say that??  

“Really?” Rose squealed, bouncing several feet in the air. “Oh, Marinette, you’re the best!”

“Hold on,” Marinette cautioned, even as Rose threw herself into Marinette’s arms. “Rose,” she tried again, patting Rose’s back reflexively. “I said I’d try, but…”

Rose ignored her, seizing her hand and dragging her over to a small crowd of children and teenagers sprawled in, on, and even under some of the library tables.

“This is our cast,” Rose said, throwing out her hands with a proud grin. “So you can get whatever measurements you need right now!”

“I don’t—” Marinette began, but fell silent as Rose kept talking, making one-sided introductions that Marinette was absolutely not going to remember. Still, it made her look at the children and... 

Marinette had to admit, she could see both why these children had not been picked for the traditional pageant and why Rose was offended about it. The two tallest wore black and slouched their shoulders, hands shoved in the pockets of long coats as they peeked at her through the hair falling in their faces. A shorter girl had pads on her knees and elbows and a sideshave with pink tips on the long side, and was listening with a slightly bored expression to a bubbly redhead who had piercings all up the shell of one ear. A boy sitting next to them, reading a book with his feet propped up on another chair, had pierced ears, killer eyeliner, and a multicolored ombre manicure that made Marinette envious.

The whole crowd was like that, and some of them looked more...mainstream, than others, but they all had something that stood out about them that didn’t exactly say ‘host of angels greeting the holy family’ in the strictly traditional sense. 

“Normally nobody really cares about appearances, but they get stubborn about Christmas and the Christmas pageant,” Rose said with a shrug. “Nobody says it outright, but it’s no coincidence that the traditional kids get picked every year, you know?” 

Looking at the little crowd of kids, Marinette saw a disparate set of personalities, both clinging to stereotypes in an effort to find an identity that worked for them, and breaking out of those stereotypes in new and interesting ways, and she would have loved to follow them each around for a day just for the ideas they sparked in her. 

This wasn’t the time for that, though. 

“I’ll need some materials,” Marinette said doubtfully. She’d already been to the only fabric store in town and it was closed, the owner having gone on vacation somewhere warm and sunny for the month. 

Rose frowned as well, and opened her mouth, but was interrupted. 

“I can help with that.”

Marinette jumped and turned, looking up as Luka gave her a smile. “Hi,” he said, amused, and Marinette blushed. She’d forgotten he was there. 

“I have racks of clothes from my shows in the attic.” Luka shrugged, as if he didn’t notice her discomfort. “Jagged always has a clause in his contract about getting to keep his tour clothes, so it ended up in mine too. You’re welcome to scavenge it for anything you can find.” 

“O-oh,” Marinette blinked. “Well...it’s a start, right? If you’re sure.” She frowned. “That’s probably some really expensive clothes though.” 

Luka shrugged, indicating the hoodie and jeans he wore. “I’m not exactly using it. Might as well go to a good cause.” His gaze softened a little as he looked over her head at the kids. 

Marinette smiled, and looked back as well. “Okay, Rose. Let’s go over what you need and who’s going to be using what, and I’ll get whatever measurements I need.”

“Great!” Rose chirped, bouncing as she clapped her hands. 

The next little while was a bit of a blur, as Marinette tried to take notes on Rose’s chatter while meeting the kids a few at a time. They all looked a little hesitant at first, so Marinette put on her best, most reassuring smile, the one she used with inexperienced models who were nervous about their first big fashion show, and asked them cheerful questions as she took their measurements. She kept the topics light, asking them about their pins or patches or hair color, and most of them had mostly relaxed by the time she was finished. She surprised one or two with her knowledge of video games and laughed when one of them challenged her to a mech strike duel. She wrote her handle on a slip of paper and gave it to him with a wink, and managed not to laugh in the poor boy’s face when he blushed. 

“I think that’s everybody,” Marinette said, waving to the last one, and turned around, blinking. “Where’d Rose go?”

“Hmm?” Luka had been sitting nearby at a table, chin in hand. He blinked like he was coming back to earth, and Marinette felt a twinge of guilt. No surprise he was zoned out, he must have been so bored just watching all of this. She should have let him know he could leave. Surely he had work to do and she could have walked back or gotten a ride with Rose. 

“Oh, I bet I know where they are,” Luka said, rolling his eyes as he got up.

“They?” Marinette echoed, following him. 

“Juleka showed up a little while ago,” he told her. “You were busy at the time.” 

He led her around a bookshelf into a little reading alcove, and Marinette stopped dead, hands flying to suddenly red cheeks. Luka knocked on the bookshelf next to him with an amused, slightly exasperated smile. “Hand check, ladies.” 

Juleka was standing there curled over Rose, her long hair partially hiding the shorter girl from view, but it was plenty clear what they were doing. The sprig of mistletoe in the middle of the decoration hanging over them removed any doubt. 

“What?” Juleka said, annoyed, as she raised her head from a very kiss-bruised and blushing blonde. 

“I’m, um, finished,” Marinette said, embarrassed, waving vaguely back the way they’d come. “You can get on with rehearsal now.” 

“Oh, yay!” Rose perked up. “Thanks Marinette, you’re the best.”

“You have lipstick on your face,” Luka said helpfully, holding back a laugh. Juleka flipped him off, but Rose just linked her arm through Juleka’s and sniffed. 

“Hmph. You’re just jealous because you wish you could kiss Marinette under the mistletoe. Come on, Juleka.” She dragged her smirking girlfriend off and around the shelves (though she did wipe most of the lavender lipstick off her mouth as she did so).

“Sisters,” Luka muttered. “Just my luck I’m gonna get stuck with another one.” He looked at Marinette’s blushing face and grinned. “You okay?” 

She began to splutter, and Luka couldn’t help laughing. “I’m gonna take that as a no,” he teased.

“How can she say something like that!” Marinette groaned, ducking her head and covering her red cheeks with her hands. 

“Well.” Luka licked his lips, and debated for maybe half a second before he went on. “It’s not like she’s wrong.” 

Marinette’s insides froze. Her head snapped up to look at him. Luka gazed back at her, looking calm though there was a tint of pink in his cheeks that hadn’t been there before. He glanced up, and with a crooked smile, took her hands, pulling them gently from her face. 

“I really would like to kiss you,” he admitted. He stepped back, tugging her lightly along with him until he paused and looked up. Still stunned, Marinette followed his gaze, up to the mistletoe decoration hanging from the ceiling. Oh. 

Butterflies took sudden flight in her stomach. She dropped her wide-eyed gaze back to Luka, only to find he was watching her.

“Only if you want to kiss me, though,” he said, with a slight shrug. He threaded his fingers through hers and tugged her a little closer. 

He held her gaze as he bent purposefully towards her. Luka bent until his nose was just brushing hers, head tilted just so, waiting, still watching her through half-lidded eyes. Heart hammering, senses suddenly full of him, of his rough hands in her and the evergreen scent that hung about him, his face filling her vision with those eyes so soft and yet so intense— 

Impulsively Marinette raised her face just enough to let their lips brush together. He didn’t move away, and Marinette did it again, pressing in a little more this time, and then Luka leaned into her and they were really kissing...lightly, but fully. 

It was...electrifying. Their hands untangled as they moved closer together, and he was so solid and strong and warm where she leaned on him. Her hands found his shoulders as his slid up her back, and it felt so good to be held, to feel wanted by anyone, let alone someone who was sweet and kind and down to earth while also being so... exceptional. But...even as his lips moved over hers she couldn’t push aside the fact that she was leaving. She had barely a week left, and then her whole family would descend on the town for Christmas dinner at Gina’s house and then...then she would be gone, and what...what would she do then? What was he expecting her to do? She had commitments and a career and he didn’t want that kind of life anymore, and— 

Luka pulled back with a soft click, his eyes staying closed just a moment longer than hers, before he opened them and smiled softly at her. “You’re thinking awfully hard for someone who’s being kissed,” he murmured. 

“It’s a terrible habit,” she said shakily. “I wish I didn’t.” 

“Then don’t,” he said, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. His thumb caressed her gently. “It doesn’t have to be about anything but the here and now, Marinette. Just let the moment be what it is.”

“That’s all well and good,” Marinette sighed, “until the future is the now and you have to deal with the consequences. Luka, I’m leaving.” Unconsciously her fingers played nervously with the fine hairs at the nape of his neck. 

“I know,” he said thickly, and cleared his throat. “Maybe I’m just not as efficient as you,” Luka grinned. “But personally, if the outcome is the same either way, I’ll take being deliriously happy for a week over moping around crying in my cheerios until you leave.” 

Marinette burst out laughing at that, and Luka chuckled along. “I’m not trying to pressure you,” he told her, leaning back and lifting a hand to cradle her face, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “I’m just saying...I’ve come to care about you a lot, Marinette. More than just friendship. I hear you. I know where you stand. I’m okay with whatever you’re willing to give me, whether that’s just this and nothing more, or a couple of dates, or...whatever. You don’t have to worry about leading me on or giving me false expectations. I just want to be with you while I can.”

Marinette sighed. “How can that be enough for you, though? If you really—I mean—”

“I do,” Luka told her softly, tilting her face up to look at him. “I really do, Marinette. Please don’t doubt that. And it’s really not enough,” he admitted, with a sigh to match hers. “If more than that were on offer, I’d gladly take it, but…” He shrugged. “What do we have to lose?”  

Marinette looked at him, caught between conflicting realities. She liked him—she hadn’t even realized until now how much she liked him, but—what was he even asking her for? A week long fling? She...she didn’t do that kind of thing, she wasn’t sure she could, and...she didn’t know if she wanted to take on the pain of losing him, and wasn’t it better to just...just be friends for the time they had left? Could they even be friends after this?

Luka, watching her again, stepped back and dropped his hands back down to hers. He squeezed her hands gently, bringing her focus back to him. “Listen, we’re still friends. If you decide you’re okay with being more than that for the time you have left, you let me know.” He sighed, but cut it off and smiled. “Come on, if you’re done here, I’ll take you home.” 

He dropped one hand, but kept a gentle hold on the other, squeezing it lightly before he dropped it so she could pack up her things. Marinette packed her kit mechanically, glancing at him. Luka appeared perfectly at ease, chatting with one of the kids, and he didn’t so much as look at her. Trying to make things easy, she supposed, as he always did. Giving her some space, maybe, to absorb the sudden shift in her reality.

The reality where Luka—who was also Luke Stone the rock star and that was definitely too much for her to think about right now—liked her, as more than a friend, and told her so, and kissed her, and oh my I kissed Luke Stone, Alya would freak —

She knocked a coiled up tape measure off the table and it bounced and exploded into a tangle on the floor. One of the kids scrambled over to pick it up for her, and she managed to thank her with a smile, and just stuffed the whole jumbled thing into her usually-immaculate kit.

Her hands were shaking as she snapped it closed and looked for Luka. He smiled at her, and made his farewells to the boy he’d been talking to. He walked beside Marinette to the door with his hands in his pockets, and opened it for her. It was a stupid thing to blush about but Marinette did anyway. 

She still accepted his steadying hand to get up into the truck, and the smile he sent her was reassuring. She relaxed a little. He didn’t seem angry or hurt, and her nerves eased a little bit as he climbed up in his seat and started up the truck. 

Neither of them said much on the way home, and Marinette was grateful, because she was sure she would start to babble if she opened her mouth at all. Luka turned on some music, and Marinette smiled slightly as she realized it was Jagged’s latest album. She ventured to ask a question about one song in particular that she had always wondered about, and Luka answered her easily with a tale about the night on tour when Jagged had been inspired to write the thing. Marinette felt a little better by the time Luka dropped her off at home. Maybe this was okay after all. Maybe he was right and they could still be friends from here. 

“You can come look at the clothes whenever you’re ready,” Luka told her as he held her kit while she jumped down from the seat. “The farm’s effectively closed for the season since pretty much everybody has their tree now. Just come on over once you’ve got an idea what you need.” 

“Okay,” Marinette tried to smile. “Thank you, Luka.” 

Luka chucked her gently under the chin. “Don’t make me something else you’re worrying about, okay? You don’t have to tell me what’s going on but I can see you’ve got some things weighing you down, and I don’t want to be one of them. I’m just...I’m here for you. However you want me to be.”

Marinette’s smile was maybe still a little wobbly, but much more sincere. “Thanks, Luka.” 

“Sure.” He let her take her kit back, and watched her until she was inside. Then he turned and climbed back up in the truck.

Luka was very, very good at keeping it all together. He didn’t freak out, he didn’t panic, and he didn’t get upset—on the outside. His hands shook a little bit right before he gripped the steering wheel, but otherwise he was completely normal, right up until he shut the door in his own room at home.

Even then, all he did was bury his hands in his hair, slide down the door to sit on the floor, and sigh heavily. It was done, after all. He’d made his move and now he had to live with it. Luka didn’t regret it, exactly, but...he wished things were different. He really did. Maybe he should have talked to her instead of going straight to kissing, but...

He let go of his hair and thumped his head back against the door. He needed something to do. 

Well, the attic was probably a disaster. Might as well go up there and see if he couldn’t make it less of one before Marinette came over.

Fiction Master Post | Month of Miracles

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

3, 18-20, and/or 25 for the meta meme?

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

Oh, I've got tons of them, but currently I'm haunted by the idea of a High & Low/Yakuza crossover, mainly because I feel like there are some fun parallels between Majima and Murayama that Majima in particular would find compelling. Mostly it's just very vague thoughts, except for one very small dialogue snippet:

The kid wriggles against Saejima's grip on his jacket collar like an angry kitten, furious and simmering with violence but ultimately not that threatening. "Yeah, Granddad? You think you know something about me?"

Majima sputters for a moment. "Do I look like I'm that old--ok, yeah, fair, I'm that old, I could be your granddad. Yeah, pretty sure I know a thing or two about you."

"Wanna bet?"

A long pause, Majima looking the kid up and down, and then he says, "You used to feed stray dogs that lived near your mama's house and the first time you punched a guy you nearly broke your thumb. You've probably got a best bro who's a real big motherfucker, although I doubt he's as big as my real big motherfucker," with a nod to Saejima, who grunts. "You like to fight so much you dream about it, but you're gettin' better about keepin' a grip on yourself." Another pause as he weighs whether or not to say the next thing he's thinking of, and then figures hell, why not, nobody else is around to listen. "You like men and you're worried about sayin' anything to your buddies because they might get fuckin' weird about it, and you've got a crush on some real upstandin' type, strong chin and everything, maybe that blonde kid you were hollerin' at earlier. You probably tried on a girlfriend's lipstick once and thought you looked pretty good and you're maybe a little worried about what that means." Beat. "And you're a terrible fuckin' bowler."

The kid stares at him, getting redder and redder in the face, and then mutters, "Never been bowling."

"But I was right about the rest of it."

"How'd you know all that?"

Majima shrugs. "Used to be you, is all."

"Shit." The kid looks like he's not sure whether he wants to smile or get angry. "Hope I'm better-looking than you when I'm that old."

"You--I was gonna offer to stand your scrawny ass some lunch, but now I ain't so sure."

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Pretty much all of them, but very few that are written down or that I could in any way explain succinctly.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

I might be too fond of long pauses and so on in dialogue, honestly. And overly involved metaphors.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Oh pretty much everything I've ever written has at least one thing in it that I'm just overly pleased about and want people to notice, but the one I was thinking about just last night is that in that one Reika/Magine prompt fic I wrote, I had Reika make a reference to Daishinji being a cousin of hers? Which is a headcanon I'm fond of but which nobody's ever really mentioned.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Dialogue! And sex scenes honestly, I like describing sensations and the sensations during sex are all so intense.

[zirkkun]

For the "Writers' Would You Ever..." game, if you are still doing that.

Would you ever write, hmmm, um, Sansby or Soriel? I know (at least I am pretty sure), you like both ships.

The Soriel stuff you rb'ed around Soriel Week was super cute by the way (I esp. loved renrink's stuff, esp. the one for the Unrequited (?) prompt; which was so gorgeous and got me right in the heart. The Underlust!Soreil you drew was also super cute; can always do w/ more UL!Soriel (as well as UL!Sansby).

So yeah, I know you like Soriel (I love it too). Still wanted to ask about it.

...However, I wanted to ask even more about if you would do/write Sansby (which, I know/pretty sure you like too. I love it too), because I am pretty sure in UL, Sansby was a thing (I think. Either way, I like UL Sansby a lot), but in ULR, Sans and Grillby hate each other. Why you gotta do us Sansby and/or UL Sansby fans like that, huh? Almost as bad as when Lynx japed/tricked us into thinking there might be nice, cute Soriel in Paper Trail; only for Sans to be basically trying to get info out of Toriel. Why must you both do us like this?

If you can't tell, I am not really being serious about; I mainly joking. Though, that stuff in Paper Trail did actually really get me though (loved how that conversation between Sans and Tori was written though), and Sans and Grillby hating each other in ULR does hurt my (I also find it really, really funny though. Esp. since you drew that scene with Grillby yelling at Ace to get out of his bar. Idk, I just find their whole dynamic hilalrous) Sansby and UL!Sansby loving heart. Anyway yeah, considering that. I gotta know if you write some Sansby in the future (Soriel too ofc). Also, you don't have to answer both (i.e. both Soriel and Sansby), you can just answer one or the other if you want to.

PS: I had such trouble figuring out how to do Asks. I couldn't find a way to send you an Ask if the your Tumblr was in fullscreen; I had to change and make it desktop/not fullscreen in order send this ask. It was so weird. It probably had something to do with your Tumblr's format change/new look (which, really surprised me, and took some getting used to. Esp. it being Green and not purple; though I really like both colors. And also the Underverse Ink Gif being gone; though I also like the 3 Pink Sanses (Classic, Ink, and Blue) that you have in the top right corner now though. I like the new look/format though; just took me some getting used to; since I was so used to your old look/format); hope Tumblr fixes that.

I am also guessing your new Format/look also has something to do with me able to write REALLY long asks now and apparently add images and gifs and stuff. I thought it was a mobile thing (I tried the Tumblr app, didn't find any options like that), but it looks like it is not (I am on pc now)?

Sorry, this Ask ended up quite long (if it is too long for you, you don't have to answer it, if you don't want to); I hadn't sent an Ask like this in a bit (since you were on hiatus and stuff, and I didn't want to bug you), and I ended up having a lot to say. Also, being able to send an Ask this long now in the 1st place; was just too much power for me; too much. Which reminds me! I am happy you are at least partially off hiatus! I hope you sorted things out well, and that you are doing well. :)

*cracks knuckles* alright lemmie go thru and answer this all!

As for your first question, maybe! I've never been too big on writing ship things much to begin with tbh, not because I have anything against them, but just cause I don't really get the same enjoyment out of them as I do writing self insert fics... but AU versions are fun! Not like how we have in the UT fandom but more like regular AU things, such as like an old scrapped fic i had for another fandom where the two characters were princes from opposing kingdoms but they couldn't marry because it would not benefit their families. The original show had nothing to do with that. Those are fun. So are the classic coffee shop or university AUs. So something like that for Soriel or Sansby would be fun too!

For the record though, I don't have anything against Sansby. I find it humorous that Grillby in canon literally says like nothing and yet a ship came out of Sans owing him money, but nothing against the ship. There's a lot of cute work out there with it and I could have sworn I'd reblogged some at som point? Hm. Maybe I'll just have to reblog more 👀✨

I think I may have said this a long time ago, before the rename for ULR; but Ace's role is probably one of the closest to his original character in UL, I merely added on to it and tweaked the story behind the Lust serum. Hugo and Ace did not always hate each other, in fact they were just as close as their UL counterparts at one point! But something happened that caused them to split, and the falling out didn't end well.

Also, as for the asks format changing, that's on Tumblr! They've been very glitchy and terrible on desktop. Hopefully my new theme hasn't broken them completely on top of that. It worked for me when I double-checked it, since I know a lot of people have been having issues with the update and literally everyone wants it to go back 😂 sorry you had such a struggle tho!

[canonskyrissian]

2020 Gifs in Review

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

I was tagged by @rise-of-ahsoka, thanks sweetie ♥♥♥

1. The Return of Hope, fic - okay so I started this in 2018 but I finished it this year and this is honestly the best fic I’ve written so far and I have such fond memories of it. I was happy to finally finish it but... it was really hard to let go. but the finished result is awesome if I may say so myself^^

2. star wars poc positivity project favorite slash ship + favorite rarepair, edit - and exactly no one is surprised that this is skyrissian xD this was one of those edits where I had a clear concept from the beginning and I really love how it turned out

3. The Epic Love Story of Lando Calrissian and Luke Skywalker, fic - my star wars big bang fic for this year. it was supposed to be the epic adventures initially (as per the throwaway line in tros) but there turned out to be more love story and less adventure so... yeah xD it was a fun fic to write, even if I did procrastinate with it a lot for various reasons (my beta @ahsokastars was a saint and super patient, thank you so much!!!)

4. Galaxy's best babysitters, fic - also known as post-tcw s7 therapy fic. what’s better than aunt ‘soka and uncle rex babysitting the wondertwins? well, aunt ‘soka and uncle rex getting to babysit han and lando in addition to the wondertwins! easily one of my crackiest ideas ever but it was super therapeutic, and I really hope I get more ideas for this au^^

5. tesb 40th anniversary edit featuring lando - I made this because none of the other edits and gifsets had lando and it pissed me off so much. this was also my first edit where I used 4k screencaps so the quality gets a big boost, which is nice^^ and I’m really happy with the filters I used. this is probably my nicest edit to the date

6. because I trust you, fic - @crystalfoxfics sent me several prompts (I still have a couple to write) and this was the first one I did. it’s based on my icon (the black and white one that is made of a screencap of a deleted rotj scene, not this icon) and I had a lot of fun writing the unresolved romantic tension^^

7. we had each other. that’s how we won, edit - tros was garbage but this line. this line. it’s gonna stay with me forever BECAUSE DFGFDSGDSGFHGDH THEY HAD EACH OTHER AND THAT’S HOW THEY WON I’M?????? SO MAD THE ORIGINAL SQUAD DIDN’T GET TO INTERACT AT ALL FUCK YOU SEQUELS anyway this is another edit where I had a clear concept and I’m happy how it turned out

8. Maybe it's luck, fic - I wrote this for this year’s rarepair exchange and had a lot of fun with it^^ it’s very much a typical fic that I’d write, with the twist that this was the first time I properly wrote a polyamorous relationship and my first time properly writing wedge. my original idea was a lot more slice of life-y (lando, luke, and wedge were supposed to play truth or dare) but qi’ra said hi and then it turned into a mission fic, and I don’t mind, it’s a lot better this way^^

tagging @kvberhearts @barissoffee @arwenevenstar @alkaysaniyusuf and anyone who wants to do this, just say I tagged you^^

[scorchedhearth]

Fanfic asks: F, G, L, S, P for 'Lost and found out there among the paths' and W please <3 if it's too much, you can break them up or skip them, no worries

Thank you!! not sure I understand the title? Hope I answered like you wanted anyway <3

Fanfic asks

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Out of order baby! I do try to have an outline or a small summary written out first but my usual process is writing the cool scenes first and then struggling to connect them with the less fun one

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I write in short bursts, so every time I go on the wip I do some editing too, which I know isn’t the best method but who cares. I tend to write it out first, sit on it a couple days, read it over to revise and correct and then post it. After that there’s the usual re-reading and finding about 10 mistakes you didn’t spot before and try to fix quickly now that it’s online

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

I don't like much fandom tropes but it's true that I do love a good hurt/comfort, let’s be honest. That's all I can really think of? That and secret dating maybe, because sometimes rom-com are the way to go

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

I am a gardener, as much I tried to be an architect. Over the years I’ve had to accept that I cannot handle large planned projects, I feel stuck and can’t write anything at all. So lately I’ve tried to do more of a gardener approach and let the wip develop as I write it. I find that planning works well for gifs and edits but I had to find a different method for fics which so far seems to work!

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

I prefer specific ones because I tend to get lost in general ones, if you tell me hurt/comfort it’ll take me much longer to write than if I get “X gets a wound because of this”. Also, if I write for someone, I like to know I’ll make something they really enjoy

And answering F undercut!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

This is from something I’ve never published online, and I don’t think I ever will, but it was very cathartic for me to write. It’s not my best dialogue, by far, but this scene means a lot to me. It’s from a modern au character study of Natasha and Clint’s relationship, focusing on their meeting and how they evolve together and grow to be the most important person to each other. This is a scene where Natasha and Yelena talk about their past, and it just stuck with me so hard I named the series after it.

There’s a long pause where none of them say anything, and Yelena just looks at Natasha. Really looks at her, like only a Widow knows how to.

“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, you’ll miss it.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll miss it, and you’ll come back to it again, sooner or later. You don’t grow up in violence to just leave it all behind. That’s not something you do.”

“Maybe I’m optimistic,” Natasha says, and Yelena laughs. That big, throaty laugh she gives to people she thinks are being delusional.

“I’ve never known you to be an optimist, Natasha. Are you going soft?”

“I’m starting to see life isn’t only confined to what the Room made us to be.” Yelena pauses, tilts her head before proceeding with her thoughts.

“That’s why you’re going after every heir of Room clients?” Natasha ticks. “I’m watching. We’re all watching each other, Natalia. That’s what we do, we keep knowledge, because knowledge is power. More than any money or politics will ever be. We know Natasha. We know what we are, what we’ll never be.

“You’ll never get away from this. You like it, you enjoy doing what you do. Like a dog that tasted blood, you’ll never stop.” She sits back, satisfied with her speech. The darkness in her eyes is all Natasha needs to see that she knows. She knows this applies to her as well. They are all stuck in this cycle.

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

Yes, I know it’s Friday, not Monday. <.< ANYWAY.

Before we get started, plugging my Discord server (which is p. quiet lately but it’s there if you want to talk somewhere other than here!); and also we’ll do another Open Question Night because Why Not!

As I said last month, while my askbox is always open, tonight I’ll be actively around to answer questions--about writing in general, anything I’ve posted about here on tumblr; anything on my AO3...let me know what’s on your mind!

Star Wars:

SWBB:

Take a Bond of Fate is officially up! (Previously referred to as just SWBB 2021 or the Dragonshifters AU because I literally titled it less than twelve hours before posting <.<) Well, the first 20k are up, anyway. I will be updating throughout the month and the fic will be complete by the end of the month, per the event rules. (I originally planned to do updates on Tuesdays and Fridays; tonight’s update will be delayed and who knows how well I’ll actually stick to it after tonight but it Will be posted in full by the end of May, I can say that much for sure XD)

As always, I think there are a few things I could’ve handled better/that feel a little rushed, but I think it turned out pretty good! There are some upcoming scenes I’m particularly fond of, but we’ll see if everyone else agrees. The core of this actually ended up being Bo and Padme? Which I was not expecting--I was expecting it to lean hard on the Bo and Anakin parallels, but here we are.

Anyway, there’s some fun bits to come!

Precipice:

No solid update ATM. Uh. Various Life things got bonkers over the past month or two, so TaBoF took pretty much all of my fic brain. However, since that project is essentially finished other than finalizing/polishing each update chunk as I post, I should be able to turn my attention here this month. Which means, fingers crossed, we’ll have a start date sometime in June for Protectors. I’ll post the first Preludes segment at the same time; it will involve Kallus, Lavinia, and Mara Jade, set just before Kallus is reassigned to Lothal.

(Others that I have planned will involve: 1) some combination of Kanan, Ezra, Hondo, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin; 2) Hera and whoever her contact is in this AU, as Ahsoka is otherwise occupied; 3) Whatever Maul is up to in this timeline; 4) Something to do with Palpatine’s fifth apprentice; and two more I haven’t decided on. I am taking suggestions! The purpose of Preludes is to patch some holes now that I’ve decided to write Rebels into the canon, which was not part of my original plan as I hadn’t yet seen it when I started planning/posting this AU. So these are more plot-relevant than the things that turn up in Bonus Content, which is why they’re in a separate fic, but not really enough to make a full arc between Milestones and Escalation, so, there it is.)

our faces like a mirror:

I’m now leaning towards sitting on this and using it for next year’s Big Bang? Because then maybe I’ll finally finish it, lol...anyway, I’m also going to see how people respond to stuff in TaBoF, because that will either Boost my enthusiasm for the project or, uh, the opposite, depending on how people respond to how I write Bo-Katan. So that may change, and I may finally get it out this year instead of next. We’ll see how that goes XD

Other SW Projects:

One of the SW discords I’m on has revived a prompt game we did last summer. I pulled my first prompt but haven’t actually, uh, done anything with it yet. <.< I’ll do that at some point.

As for various outlines or extant AUs I haven’t updated in forever...well, like I said, what little fic brain hasn’t been on BB the past month or two has been drifting back towards Precipice or occasionally co-opted by OFLAM so...yeah, nothing serious to report on that front, lol.

AtLA Projects:

I’m semi-planning/hoping to start posting At Least one of the two longfics I’ve been poking at sometime this summer. I’ve mentioned them here before, but one is long and tragic and focuses on Lu Ten; the other is an Avatar Zuko AU. Not sure which will draw my focus and get up first, but I do plan to write both of them! And possibly more. Because this fandom just Does That to me, lol.

Also, as I’ve mentioned in various times and places--I am pathologically incapable of not creating a bunch of OCs when I seriously fall into a fandom, and my AtLA work, in particular, will probably reflect that. I don’t super plan to write anything really centered on any OCs (I mean, apart from characters who Exist but have very little Canon Characterization (i.e., Lu Ten himself for that one fic, lol); and Lu Ten’s love interest because that’s an important part of the story), but they will be There and Prominent Characters. This is mostly mentioned because I know OCs aren’t for everyone, so that might put you off of my AtLA fic and I figured it was fair to give you a head’s up.

(...although actually I think none of my old fic that I crossposted to AO3 had significant OC involvement except for Glory...but then again that’s all oneshots and a little different.)

Other Fandoms:

BSG/SG-1 (BSG1?) crossover AU is still coming; I keep getting sidetracked from actually finishing it <.< I haven’t even finished the New Caprica and Haven section, I still have to get to the algae planet and then the Resurrection ship and...maybe I’ll end up posting this in chunks...

Uh, nothing else super planned, but as I mentioned last month, this outline might draw me back into BSG fandom a little more actively because it’s another forever fandom of mine.

Original Fiction:

I’m actually really proud of the Regency AU I wrote for a challenge last month, based on my Apocalypse In SPACE ‘verse Lux.

I need to update the Lux and Farglass Cycle archives still, and will hopefully be posting at least one other thing to RF this month, but we’ll see how that goes. I also might or might not be diving into Arthuriana in all its weirdness and glory this summer to prep for actually writing that Lady Mordred idea I had. And there are always other projects on the back burner, but that’s where things stand here.

...I think that pretty much covers it! Not all that much of an update, but as I said, Life got all...Lifey at me, plus BB had a hard deadline, so that’s where the most detail is.

But what about you guys? What are you working on/what do you have in the pipeline? Like I said, it’s an Open Question Night, and I’d love to hear what’s on your mind!

[softspiderling]

five signs you’re too close to your boss | t.h.

anonymous said:

Hi may I please request a one shot of Tom with ceo au with this prompt “I’m your assistant and you just informed me that your entire family thinks we’re dating and you don’t want to let them down” please

Summary: you liked being the personal assistant of the CEO of Holland Enterprises. But sometimes you wondered if you were too close to your boss.

Pairing: CEO!Tom Holland x Assistant!Reader

Song I listened to while writing: If I can’t have you by Shawn Mendes

Author’s Note: I started out way different, and I was googling for some funny assistant/boss puns when I came across an article called ‘five signs you’re too close to your boss’ and I rewrote the whole thing. Hope I did your request justice, nonnie!

Warnings: the occasional fuck and shit

Word Count: 4k (this was not planned, I gotta be honest)

Masterlist

ONE: You call him by his first name

Balancing a tray with coffee cups, you knocked on the wooden door, waiting for a muffled ‘Come in’ before you opened the door with your elbows. You entered the room and were greeted by two men who sat across from each other at a desk.

“Good morning,” you greeted them and placed their coffees on the table. “I’ve got your latte Tom and your americano, Harrison. Mark is waiting for you in your office by the way, and the meeting with the board members has been pushed up to three pm.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Harrison Osterfield said as he reached for his beverage, grateful for your services even though you weren’t his personal assistant.

Tom Holland, your actual boss, accepted the cup you placed in front of him and grinned. “She’s a godsend, isn’t she?”

You made an offhand gesture and ducked your head at the compliment. “I just brought you your coffee.”

“And at the same time you told me about the changes for today’s schedule. Accept the compliment, Y/N,” Tom said and you rolled your eyes fondly. You were literally just doing your job. Sometimes you really wondered what Tom would do without you.

“Alright, I better go before my assistant sends out a searching party,” Harrison sighed and got up, his coffee in his hand.

“I’ll see you later T, thanks again for the coffee Miss Y/N,” he said in a teasing tone and left the office, his dress shoes clacking against the marbled floor, leaving you and Tom alone in his office.

“Is there anything else you need me to do?” you asked your boss and he pursed his lips in thought.

“Yeah actually, I’m planning to take my mum out to lunch. Can you make a reservation at The Clink?”

“Of course. Around twelve alright for you?”

He leaned forward and clasped his hands. “That’ll work. A table by the window would be amazing.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” you nodded and Tom gave you a smile.

“Thanks, Y/N, that’s everything for now,” he told you and turned to his laptop, dismissing you wordlessly.  

You left Tom’s office and shut the door behind you, returning to your desk. Reaching for the phone, you dialed the number of the restaurant and waited for the line to connect.

“Hi, this is The Clink. You’re speaking to Lionel. What can I do for you?” a man said when he picked up the phone.

“Hi, this is Y/N, I’m calling to book a table for Tom-“ your eyes widened, before you cleared your throat. “Uh, for Mr. Holland. A table for two at noon, and preferably by the window?”

The other end of the line is silent for a few seconds before the man returned. “Table for two, at noon by the window. Got it.”

“Perfect, thank you so much,” you sighed, bidding goodbye before you hung up, leaning your face in your hands.

You’ve never realized how you always addressed your boss by calling him by his first name. It wasn’t something you did on your own, but rather a thing Tom insisted you doing when you first started this job.

You were pretty sure it wasn’t common for an assistant to call her boss by his first name. But as long as it wasn’t hurting anyone, it wasn’t a big deal.

TWO: His mother invites you along to private lunch dates.

You’ve been working on a few drafts of the invitation of the charity gala that was taking place in a couple of months, when someone approached your desk.

Looking away from your computer, you came face to face with Nikki Holland, Tom’s mother. “Oh! Mrs. Holland, hi,” you greeted her with a smile, giving her your full attention.

“You can just go right ahead, I think Tom’s still immersed in his work,” you said, gesturing to the closed office door.

“That boy is always stuck in work,” Nikki sighed with a headshake. “I’m glad you’re here to keep him from living at the office.”

You chuckled and ducked your head. “Just doing my job.”

When the door of Tom’s office opened, you and his mother lifted your heads to see him coming out, loosening the tie around his neck.

“Hi mum, have you been waiting long?” he asked and kissed her on the cheek.

“No longer than usual, honey,” Nikki sighed and he grinned, before turning to you.

“You take a break soon, okay?”

“Why don’t you come with us?” Nikki suggested and Tom looked at his mother in surprise, before nodding.

“Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.”

You shook your head, your cheeks flushed. “No, I don’t want to impose. I know you two haven’t spent that much time together. Plus I only booked a table for two.”

“I’m sure they won’t hesitate to add a chair to the table if I ask them to,” Tom pointed out with a grin and his mother smiled encouragingly at you.

“I insist. You have to eat anyways and you won’t impose, I promise.”

With narrowed eyebrows you looked between the two Hollands, who were looking at you with expectant eyes. A lunch at the Clink sounded really good right now, and Nikki was right, you did have to eat anyway.

“Fine,” you then sighed, the corners of your mouth tugging up. “I guess if my boss’ mother tells me to do something, I should do it, right?”

Tom snorted and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“Don’t believe a word she says, mum. She never listens to me.”

“That’s because you make really dumb decisions from time to time,” you reminded him, grabbing your coat and purse. Nikki only laughed at the bickering, shaking her head fondly.

“You two can bicker over the most mundane things, it’s unbelievable.”

THREE: He asked you to be his date for charity events.

“You look lovely tonight, Y/N,” Tom whispered as the two of you entered the building, arms linked.

“You did buy this dress, you’re aware of that, right?” you asked with a raised eyebrow and he chuckled, shrugging with his shoulders.

“I know, doesn’t mean I can’t give you a compliment when it’s due, does it?”

You rolled your eyes fondly.

“I guess. Thanks for bringing me, by the way. I’ve heard really good things about this organization.”

The organization whose charity event you were attending was taking care of providing clean water for villages in South Africa and though you were glad to support this organization you weren’t a fan of the guests that used to attend these kind of events.

They were wearing expensive looking suits and dress. You didn’t really know how much the dress cost you were wearing, because Tom refused to tell you, but you were willing to bet a horse that it cost more than a 100 bucks (then again, 100 pounds probably wasn’t a lot when it came to these people).

Long story short, this wasn’t really your scene. Expensive champagne, rubbing elbows with wealthy people and tiny food portions wasn’t your style. But Tom had asked you to accompany him and it was for the good cause, right?

“I’m going to get us some champagne, I’ll be right back love,” he told you and unwrapped his arm from yours before disappearing into the crowd, leaving you all by yourself.

Slightly intimidated, you sought refuge at a vacant table and placed your clutch on it, looking around for Harrison, of whom you knew was also supposed to attend the event.

“Did I see you come in with Tom Holland?” an unfamiliar voice asked and you turned to see a blonde in a red dress looking at you.

The corners of her lips were curled upward, though the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Yes you did,” you replied, giving her a curt smile. “Why?”

She tapped her perfectly manicured fingers on the table.

“We had an nice… How should I put this delicately?” she trailed off, pursing her lips. “Encounter. And he hasn’t given me a call yet.”

You raised an eyebrow at her. What was this lady’s problem?

“If you’re trying to pick a fight, it’s not with me. I’m his assistant, not his date,” you clarified and her eyes widened slightly, before she let out a breathy laughter.

“Oh of course you are. I was wondering why he would be dating under his standard,” she chuckled and you narrowed your eyes at her, your cheeks flushing in anger.

“Excuse me?”

She smirked at you. “You can’t be surprised by this. You’re not exactly his type.”

You bristled at her insinuations and as you were about to open your mouth to rip her a new one, Tom joined you by the table with two flutes of champagne.

“Sorry that took so long, Y/N, the queue was insane,” he apologized, handing you a flute when he caught sight of the blonde, who turned her full attention to him.

“Hello Tom. Nice to see you again,” she said sweetly and you gripped your glass.

Tom gave her a polite smile, though you could tell he wasn’t too happy to see her. You were guessing that she was someone he picked up at a previous event and judging by his lack of interest, he had wanted it to leave it like that.

“Hello… Victoria, was it?”

“Veronica, actually,” Veronica pressed out through gritted teeth and you hid your smile, turning your head away.

“Right, Veronica. Sorry, must’ve slipped my mind. Did you need anything?” Tom asked and she fumed, though she raised her chin defiantly.

“Not necessarily, no. Just wanted to give the courtesy of letting you know that my father won’t be doing any business with Holland Enterprises. Have a good evening,” Veronica sneered and turned on her heel, obviously pissed off by how he was treating her.

“Wait, is she someone important?” you asked at the mention of her father and Tom shrugged, nipping on his champagne.

“She’s the daughter of Philip McAvoy.”

Your eyes widened and slapped his arm.

“McAvoy who you’ve been dying to get in contract?! Are you kidding me? That’s a big deal, why are you acting so nonchalantly about losing a huge client like that?” you hissed and Tom glanced at you, before he smirked.

“’Cause McAvoy signed the contract last night.”

You sighed in relief, shaking your head with a smile. “You’re unbelievable, Tom.”

“I am not going to let all the hard work go down the drain just because I didn’t give his darling daughter a call after an unfortunate night we spent together,” Tom smirked and you rolled your eyes at him, pulling a face.

“You’re gross.”

FOUR: He asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend in front of his family.

“You want me to do what?”

Tom sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I know it sounds like a weird request-“

“No, getting you sushi at nine in the morning is a weird requests, having me pose as your girlfriend in front of your family is crazy! How did you even come up with such an idea?” you asked. You hadn’t had expected Tom to ask you that when he called you into his office.

“I didn’t! My parents just assumed we were dating because of pictures they’ve seen of us at events. Especially at the office’s Christmas party,” he explained and your cheeks grew hot.

“You know I had too much to drink!”

“I know, Y/N. And I wouldn’t be asking you this if it weren’t so important to me. Please?” He looked at you with pleading eyes, clasping his hands together as if he was begging.

You gritted your teeth and rolled your eyes, before relenting.

“… Fine. But I expect a bonus,” you warned him and he beamed at you, nodding quickly.

“Of course, whatever you want, Y/N. Thank you so much for doing this.”

Two weeks later, you and Tom were standing in front of his childhood home and you were feeling like you were going to throw up.

“You okay?” Tom asked as you walked up to the front door.

“If by okay you mean currently freaking out about lying to my boss’ family about dating him, then yeah, I’m okay,” you muttered, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“You’ll be fine. They’ve always liked you, even before they thought you were my girlfriend,” he assured you and you frowned.

“I just don’t feel comfortable lying to them.”

“Then don’t,” he replied and you scoffed. “Just, stay as close to the truth as you can. We don’t want to get entangled in a web of lies.”

Tom pressed the door bell and you could hear footsteps from the other side of the door before you felt Tom put his arm around your waist, pulling you close. You barely had the time to react before the door was pulled open and you put up a smile.

“Tom! And Y/N! I am so glad you could make it,” his mother greeted you and Tom let go of you to hug his mother.

“Hi mum, happy birthday,” he mumbled and gave her a kiss on the cheek, handing her the bouquet of flowers. You smiled shyly at her and reached out to shake her hand. “Happy birthday Mrs. Holland. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Nonsense!” Nikki replied and swatted your hand away, pulling you into a hug instead. You yelped in surprise before you hugged her back with a laugh. “And please, call me Nikki. You’re part of the family now.”

“Oh, okay,” you chuckled nervously and Tom gave you a look.

“Alright, come on in you guys, you’re the last to arrive.” Nikki ushered you inside and shut the door after you’ve stepped inside

“You go right ahead to the backyard, I’m going to put these flowers in some water,” she told you and disappeared into another room, the kitchen you presumed.

With a hand on your lower back, Tom guided you towards the backyard. You were so nervous to face his family, you couldn’t even react to the countless pictures of Tom throughout his childhood. You made a mental note to make fun of Tom later, but right now, you didn’t have the nerves to do so.

As you stepped out to the backyard, you were greeted with a sight of familiar people. You were relieved to see that it wasn’t an understatement when he told you it was ‘a family-only event’.

“Hey guys!” Tom greeted his family, waving in the round.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” one of the boys said and everyone came around to greet you.

“Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, you know my dad, Dom, my brothers Harry, Sam and Paddy. And Haz, of course.”

Your eyes widened slightly at the blond sitting at the table nursing a beer with a knowing smirk. That little fucker. He had to know all about the stunt, you were sure that Tom had a discussion with his best friend long before asking you to come to the party. You were not looking forward to the endless teasing you had to endure at work that following week.

“Hi everyone,” you waved shyly. “Thanks for having me.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t believe we’re finally meeting you as Tom’s girlfriend. How do you actually stand being around this div during work and in your free time?” Harry asked and you shrugged with a grin.

“Eh, it helps that he barely acts like a boss. Usually I’m the one making the important decisions,” you countered and Tom’s jaw dropped while the rest hollered out in laughter.

“Wow,” Tom said, shaking his head with a grin.

“I knew there was a reason I liked her,” Dom said and smiled brightly at you. “Someone needs to put you in your place when neither of us are around, Tom. Can I get you guys anything to drink?”

Pleased at having received his father’s approval, you ducked your head.  “A water is fine, thanks.”

“I’ll just have a beer, dad.”

Taking a seat at the table while Tom’s father poured you a glass of water, you nipped on it but not without sending a glare in Harrison’s direction, who was sitting across from you.

“Hey, where’s Tessa?” Tom wanted to know when his brother handed him a bottle of beer and Harry pointed towards the green bits of the backyard.

“She’s been digging for half an hour. Didn’t even hear you ring the bell.”

Tom took a big swing of his beer before letting out a whistle. “Tessa!” he called out and jogged towards the lawn, leaving you to fend for yourself with his family.

“So, how long have you guys been dating?” Sam asked as soon as Tom was out of earshot. You blushed a bit, and shrugged with your shoulders.

You internally cursed when Tom’s mother joined you, hoping you wouldn’t say anything that would make them suspicious.

“A couple months, give or take? I’m not too sure about it,” you replied, keeping it as vague as you could.

“I’m really glad you guys got together,” Nikki said and you looked at her in surprise. “He always looked at you like you hung the stars, it was really obvious that he fancied you.”

“Yeah, it was nauseating,” Harrison piped up and hid his grin behind his beer bottle while you narrowed your eyes at him. You weren’t sure if he was messing with you or not.

“You guys should have seen them at the office Christmas party. He was smitten,” he told Tom’s family, wincing when you kicked him in the shins.

“Oh we’ve seen pictures. That was why we pestered Tom about her and he admitted that you’ve been dating on the downlow,” Paddy said. “Though I don’t understand why he would keep that from us. He knows we’ve always liked you.”

“I think he was probably worried about what people would think if they found out he was dating his assistant,” you explained, defending Tom. You didn’t want his family to resent him for keeping a relationship from them if it wasn’t even a real one.

“What are we talking about?” Tom asked when he returned with Tessa by his side.

“About you being head over heels for Y/N, and not telling us you were dating until we asked you,” Harry teased and his older brother flushed.

“Well, I should be head over heels for her, she’s my girlfriend,” he pointed out and you opted out of the conversation by turning your attention to Tessa who sniffed curiously at your hands. She was the only member of his family you hadn’t met yet. You know, considering she was a dog she wasn’t really allowed into the office.

“Hi pretty girl,” you cooed to her, scratching her behind her ears. Tessa yapped and wagged enthusiastically with her tail, bumping your hand with her snout.

“She likes you,” Tom told you quietly, suddenly standing by your side. You glanced up at him before you returned your eyes to the Staffordshire.

“Everyone in your family likes me,” you pointed out and he gave you a look, crouching down next to you to pet Tessa.

“Maybe a little too much. I can’t believe you made fun of me with them,” Tom muttered and you snorted, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t be a baby,” you teased him and he looked at you with a soft smile. You’ve never noticed how much his eyes crinkled when he does that. And did he get more freckles on his nose?

“Jesus, you two are way worse in real life,” Sam commented and the two of you broke apart flushing. You hadn’t even realized how close you’ve been standing.

“See what I have to deal with at work every day?” Harrison joked and you and Tom glared at him.

“Shut up Haz.”

The rest of the evening passed in a blur, between having dinner, getting to know Tom’s family better and them teasing you and Tom mercilessly.

Their jokes got you thinking about the relationship you had with him. The work relationship, that is. You knew that you two were very close, maybe even closer than an assistant and their superior usually are. Sometimes you wondered if it bordered the line of being inappropriate, considering all they’ve been saying was somewhat true.

You found him very attractive and you liked him a lot. Even though he was in a higher position than you were (obviously, since you were his assistant) he still treated you with respect.

And since you were only human, you sometimes wondered what it would feel like to be by his side as something else than his assistant. Admittedly, you had a small crush on him. But who wouldn’t, right? A successful businessman, CEO of his own company, he achieved all of that in his twenties and he looked like that.

But you’ve always respected the boundary that was between you and him, allowing yourself the daydream now and then, but nothing more. But you never knew or even asked yourself, what he was thinking.

You knew about his occasional hook-ups, including Victoria McAvoy. But you’ve never heard of a serious girlfriend. At first, you’ve thought it was due to his busy schedule and the fact that he always threw himself in his work.

Now however, you weren’t too sure about it anymore.

It was later that night, when Tom was taking you home in his car. A comfortable silence was settled over you and you were leaning your head on the window.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” you suddenly said and he glanced over at you before turning his attention back to the street.

“Yeah of course, what is it?”

“Do you like me?” you blurted out and he swerved the car, cursing.

“Shit, Y/N, you can’t just ask me something like that!” he yelled and you stared at him, frowning.

“Why the tell not?”

Tom groaned and shook his head, pulling over. Turning the car off, he ran his hand through his hair before turning to look at you.

“Well?” you asked impatiently, narrowing your eyes.

He sighed. “I do like you,” he admitted and your eyes widened. You did not expect that.

“I didn’t want it to be weird for you, because I’m your boss and I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to date me, if you don’t like me back? I don’t know. It feels weird to have this kind of power over you which I don’t want to abuse that?” Tom groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “I guess I did pressure you into pretending to be my girlfriend in front of my family, but I promise I didn’t do it to make-“

Before Tom could continue to ramble on, you had dragged him by his shirt and put your lips on his, effectively shutting him up.

“Oh,” he sighed softly against your lips, his own curling into a grin.

FIVE: You almost fall off the bed at night.

You were still tired when you woke up, and judging by the darkness in the bedroom, it wasn’t time to get up just yet. Stifling a yawn, you reached for your phone that was charging on the nightstand to check the time, nearly blinding yourself by the brightness of the screen.

2:17 am

With a groan, you put the phone back down and wondered why the hell you woke up, when a nudge in your waist almost sent you falling off the bed.

Right.

Even though you’ve fallen asleep at your respective sides of the bed, Tom had somehow managed to sneak all the way over to your side and wriggled himself into your body, pushing you to the edge of the bed.

“Tom,” you hissed, jabbing him ribs.

“Wha-?” he murmured out, cracking an eye open just to frown at you.

“Don’t give me that face! What did I tell you about scooting all the way up in my space!”

His eyes fluttered close and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“You’re comfy,” Tom mumbled and you sighed, shoving him a few inches away from you.

“You could pull me in your arms instead of pushing me off the edge,” you pointed out and snuggled up against him, smiling when he settled his head atop of yours.

“Shhh, sleep time now,” he said sleepily and you rolled your eyes, before shutting them to get some more sleep.

You really were way too close to your boss.

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[peter-parkner]

happy spooky season! for the prompts: 60. "If you say Halloween one more time-” “You’ll kiss me.” // you’re a doll and i adore you

Happy Halloween 🎃💖 What’s All Hallows’ Eve without a supernatural Parkner AU?

The ‘H’ Word

Peter Parker hadn’t meant to make a binding oath with his best friend over the ‘h’ word, but it just sort of…happened. It was a crisp, autumn day in New York City and exactly two weeks until Halloween. Peter, MJ, Ned and Harley were gathered around their usual table in the Student Union for lunch in between work and classes:

“Keener, I swear to God if you say Halloween one more time –”

“You’ll kiss me,” Harley stated matter of fact.

“What? Noooo,” Peter’s voice pitched an octave higher as his face scrunched up in confusion.

“No, I’m serious I had a vision. The next time I say ‘Halloween’ you, Peter Parker, are going to kiss me.”

“No.”

Harley was a little taken aback by the man’s response. “No like, no, you don’t want to kiss me?”

“No, as in, I don’t believe in visions dictating my future.” Peter was a little flustered by the straightforwardness of Harley’s question, but masked it by crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. He was resolute in his position on the matter. “I mean, how legit can it be anyway? What if you said ‘Halloween’ right now? No offense, Harls, but I definitely don’t have an urge to kiss you.”

MJ butt into their conversation, “Parker, when has he been wrong before?’

Peter frowned. He believed Harley’s visions, hell, they all did. They’d gotten the quartet out of some seriously sticky situations before. Peter just…didn’t like being told what to do – and that applied to visions of the future as well. His future, specifically.

“Yeah Parker, when have I been wrong before.” Harley’s smile was all teeth as he parroted MJ. It looked almost lupine. “Besides, if you’re so sure that I’m wrong, why don’t I just say it right now?”

“No!” Peter involuntarily held up a hand before Harley could continue. He almost surprised himself at the ferocity of his objection.

Harley didn’t speak, but the look he gave Peter spoke volumes: You do believe me. The two men held a mini staring contest from across the table before Harley finally yielded, breaking their eye contact.

“Fine, I won’t say Hal – the ‘h’ word unless you want me to.”

“Unless I…want…you to.” Peter’s ears started turning red as a steady flush made its way across his pale skin. He looked like his brain hadn’t quite caught up to Harley’s words.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m not gonna swear off saying the ‘h’ word my entire life just for you.” Harley arched an eyebrow at Peter. A statement and a challenge.

“Shake on it?”

“Sure,” Harley chuckled while he extended an arm across the table toward Peter.

“No, I mean shake on it.”

Peter stood up abruptly from the table, pushing his chair back in the process. The metal shrieked across the floor. As he looked down at Harley, Peter’s expression was dead serious. All traces of previous teasing were gone.

“Wha – Peter, you want to make a binding oath over one word?” Harley was flabbergasted at the request and stood up as well. He wouldn’t lie, he was a little offended too.

Peter jutted out his chin, face still flushed. “Yeah, and?”

“Oh, this is gonna be great.” MJ could barely suppress her laughter. Pearly white fangs glistened under the overhead lights when she grinned. Ned continued eating his sandwich beside her, wide-eyed as he stared at the two men squaring off with each other.

Harley rolled his eyes, but finally obliged. He pushed back the sleeves of his maroon sweater and extended his right arm once again. “Fine, but you have to do it.”

So Peter did. He met Harley’s handshake and uttered a few words. Their interlocked hands glowed a faint silver before going back to normal.

“I can’t believe you…” Harley trailed off as he gathered the remnants of his lunch and hefted his rucksack over one shoulder. The irritation was almost rolling off of him in waves; everyone else at the table could feel it too. With a turn of his heel, Harley stormed out of the Union. He dumped his trash along the way and never looked back at the trio.

–

The days immediately following Peter and Harley’s arrangement were like walking on eggshells. The two still hung out together, made stupid jokes and maintained their usual banter – but something in the air had shifted. Ned and MJ were right: when Harley saw something it always happened. The events leading up to the vision might change, but end result was inevitable.

Peter’s death sentence was as good as signed thanks to his own damn stubbornness.

“Harley, did you finish problem five?” Peter had attempted the question several times over and still couldn’t figure out the solution.

“Yeah, do you need help?” Harley pushed his textbook to the side in an effort to make more room on the crowded kitchen table.

The two were sitting across from each other in Peter’s apartment doing physics homework. It was the only class they had together this semester. Normally, they’d get together the night before the problem set was due to confer.

“All of my ideas are just wrong.” Peter’s paper was tainted grey from continuously writing and erasing. “Hey, with your visions do you ever just see the right answer? Like for a test or something?”

Harley snorted and put down his pencil, “You know it doesn’t work like that. They’re mostly linked to big events in my life – something that would…shift the usual flow of energy.”

“But like, what if the midterm was literally make-or-break for your grade? Is that life-changing enough?”

Harley snatched Peter’s paper from the table in response and started writing down the correct formulas to guide him. “Don’t you have a dead physicist relative you can contact?” He shot back.

“Touché, touché.”

After twenty more minutes of working in silence, Harley spoke again, “Are you going to Betty’s party this weekend?”

“What, her Halloween bash to celebrate the two-hundred-year anniversary of the Others’ liberation?” Peter scoffed, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Don’t be rude now, Peter.” The ghost Mary Parker chided him from the empty chair beside him. Peter rolled his eyes and she fondly patted him on the shoulder. His mother had been sitting in the kitchen with Harley and Peter for quite a while now.

After the first time, Harley got used to Mary joining in on some of their quieter evenings together. Clairvoyance was a trait passed down to Harley through his mother’s side of the family. It meant that he could sense when spirits were around, but he couldn’t see and talk to them like Peter could.

“Sorry mom,” Peter mumbled under his breath.

“Why don’t you ask Harley to go with you as your date?” Mary winked at Peter as she knocked their shoulders together.

‘Too late for that now,’ Peter wrote down on the corner of his paper for her to see. This wasn’t a conversation he was having out loud in front of Harley with the ghost of his dead mother. Besides, she already knew why he couldn’t ask that of Harley.

“Honey, I tell you all the time that you need to start working on putting your pride aside. He’s a lovely boy.” Mary stood and floated through the table to Harley’s side. She put both of her hands on his shoulders in a comforting way. Harley smiled in return, feeling her there.

Peter abruptly stood from his chair. Metal legs scraped against wooden floorboards. Harley looked up in surprise. “Sorry mom, but you need to leave.” With the wave of his hand Peter blocked his connection to the other side.

Hurriedly, Peter started shoving papers and books into his backpack. “I need to leave too. Sorry, Harley.”

“No worries. We basically finished the rest of the problem set anyway. See you in class tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Class.” Peter gave Harley a smile and a nod before leaving the other man’s apartment.

–

The bass was so heavy that the floorboards shook no matter what part of the house Peter found himself in. Betty had put soundproofing charms on the apartment, but he wasn’t sure how she’d counter the fact that the unit was literally shaking. Peter sighed and made his way closer to the alcohol.

Betty’s spiked punch bowl was enchanted to self-serve the drinker and beer bottles floated about the apartment. The shot glasses were enchanted as well to refill on command so no one had to keep going back and forth from the kitchen. Peter picked himself up a floating beer and ducked back into the hallway.  He pointedly ignored the living room, which had all of its furniture pushed back to act as a makeshift dance floor. Definitely not Peter’s scene.

“Having a good time?” Peter sidled up to MJ. They had an unspoken agreement at social functions. They would find each other, loiter in the quietest place they could find and wait until the rest of their group was ready to leave.

“I’ve been to worse.” MJ sipped from her blood bag through a curly straw. She was casually leaning against the wall while staring contemplatively into the living room.

Peter joined her and surveyed the scene before them. Looking past the multitude of sweaty, drunk teens and twenty-somethings, he laid eyes on Ned and Betty dancing near the mock-DJ stand. Cute. Peter’s eyes continued roving the room and found Flash trying to chat up some poor underclassman. He rolled his eyes; Peter had hoped Flash’s change would coincide with Betty’s party – but no such luck.

Slowly, his gaze landed on Harley. He was leaning in a little too close in a corner a little too dark to talk to some girl. Peter stiffened and bitterly looked down at his beer, wishing he had the luxury of becoming rip roaring drunk. His senses needed to be relatively unhindered though, lest his control over his abilities would slip.

“Technically, this is your fault,” MJ’s voice startled Peter out of his thoughts.

“Wh – what do you mean?”

“That could be you with Harley in a dark corner if you weren’t so stubborn,” MJ’s voice was monotone as she continued sipping from her blood bag.

Peter shifted uncomfortably and pushed off of the wall, suddenly desperate to escape MJ’s suffocating stare. So much for their antisocial camaraderie. Like a gravitational pull, Peter found himself slowly making his way closer and closer to where Harley was on the makeshift dance floor. The beating of his heart echoed the thump-thumping of the bass.

Harley saw him coming from across the room and excused himself from his current conversation. “Enjoying the party so far?” He asked Peter when they met in the middle.

“I’ve been to worse.” His phrasing mimicked MJ’s from earlier. Peter was sweating and he couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or the cloying heat trapped in Betty’s apartment.

The two stood in silence as the party raged on around them. The bass was felt down to their bones, sweaty bodies bumped into them left and right and the glare of overhead party lights flickered into their eyes on occasion. This probably wasn’t the right time for the conversation that Peter and Harley desperately needed to have, but if Peter didn’t say something soon he was certain that he’d burst.

“I’m sorry I went and made things weird,” the words felt foreign coming out of Peter’s mouth and he had to awkwardly shout to be heard over the music.

“No, it’s definitely my fault for springing it on you. I just…forget sometimes that, just because something is bound to happen, it doesn’t mean that everyone in my visions want it to.”

Peter was tiring of having to yell. He grabbed Harley by the arm and dragged him through the kitchen and into the adjoining hallway. Thankfully, MJ had wandered off at one point. Only a few other stragglers and couples inhabited the hall now.

“Well, that’s just the thing. I kind of want you to say it.”

“What?” The surprise of being manhandled into another part of the apartment had worn off. Now, Harley’s confusion was purely from Peter’s admission.

Peter started shifting uncomfortably and sighed, exasperated. “You know what, Harley.”

“Do I though?” Harley knew exactly what Peter meant, but it was more fun for him to play dumb.

“Yes! I want you to say the…the ‘h’ word.” Peter’s cheeks had taken on a nice rosy blush in the dim hallway lighting.

Harley arched an eyebrow. “Which ‘h’ word? Hello, help, hamburger, history, hollow –”

Peter abruptly cut Harley off before he could continue rattling off his mental list. “Halloween. I want you to say ‘Halloween.’”

“I thought you’d never ask.” A sly grin made its way onto Harley’s face as he gently pushed Peter back and against the adjacent wall. He leaned down until he was level with Peter’s ear and whispered into it, “Happy Halloween, Peter.”

Peter grinned as Harley made his way back to face him. He slipped a hand through Peter’s expertly gelled hair and gently cupped the back of his head. Using the hold as leverage, Harley tilted Peter’s head up so their lips could meet in a kiss.

[best-enemies]

For the fandom ask meme thing can I request the whole damn alphabet or is that not very cash money of me? I’m nosy lmao I wanna know all of them!

AHDKAJSDKJAHSKDA JACK YOU’RE THE BEST

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

I’ve had my current OTP for like almost 8 years and it’s, obviously, Thoschei (Doctor/Master). My other current obsession is the Gallifrey OT4 hehehe

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

It’s funny because I didn’t ship Hannigram at first... I’d thought the idea of a cannibal having a relationship was terrifying because what if they had sex and Hannibal got hungry in the middle of the act? Lmaoooo 

But yeah they’re my endgame now. I watched the show when it first aired and I was about 14/15 years old so now you see why I thought that. Although I’m still afraid I’m gonna be reading a fic and Hannibal will suddendly bite Will’s dick off or smth AKJHSAKJSAHSASKAJ

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Uhhh Doctor/Clara. Mainly because I don’t like to ship the Doctor with companions (there may be one or two exceptions but I don’t ship them enough to actually say I ship them lol) and I don’t know I just never vibed with it

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

Doctor/River. I mean, I did like it for a while years ago but now it’s just... eh. I think she has a waaay better chemistry with the 12th Doctor, but still don’t ship it. I might give it a try once I listen to the River audios but so far meh. I’m not much of a multishipper anyway.

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

God. I’ve written a couple of Academy Era (focused on the Deca) crack fanfics and I still have to translate them to English. They’re pure garbage but I love them. I have a lot of fun writing crack fics because they’re easier and I can ignore whatever piece of canon I want just for the laughs

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Guess it’s Doctor Who, been here (in and out of the fandom) for over 8/9 years

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

Uhhhh I think it was Han Solo and Leia, since I was a kid really. I wanted to marry both of them lol

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

I had to google what a source text is and still don’t know

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I don’t think so, but Twitter definitively has. I remember a couple years ago I was curious to see what voltron was about and watched a few episodes, it was ok, fun and cute but the fandom was so annoying I stopped watching it for good and don’t care about it enough to pick it up again

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

I had definitively forgotten about supernatural until I saw it all over my dashboard in the year of our lord 2020 lmao like in my wholock days I tried to watch the show because everyone on my dash (is it still called dashboard?) was talking about it and I watched about 8 episodes before dropping it. But seeing it again on the dash was actually a happy surprise because the memes are too funny hahaha

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

I’m extremely shy irl and on the internet as well but I wanna say that  @janeturenne is one of the best authors ever and her fanfics are a blessing in my life; also @thebraxiatelcollection who brings awesome content to my dash and is also one of the best authors. And of course, you, Jack, also one of the best authors god I’m so BLESSED

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Uhhh I guess I’m neutral about the current companions. They’re not my favorites but I don’t really dislike them - they had a lot of potential and chibs came up with some good storylines but did not develop them well in my opinion. I think Graham is a fun grandpa whom I’m going to miss when he leaves; Ryan is cool and could’ve done a lot more if the writers had kept a few things, it’d be awesome if he vlogged all of their adventures. He’s like the one I was curious to see more but sadly didn’t feel a connection; and Yaz, I hope she’ll keep growing and that her friendship with the Doctor will finally be developed to a level we can connect to her.

It sounds weird because with the fam it’s always ‘what I wish could have been’ because I never felt really connected to them :(

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

Ok... I don’t really ship Rey/Finn but I think it’s one of the sweetest ships ever, and if they ended up together I’d be happy. They love each other and are there for each other always so, yeah :D

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

I don’t know if I got the question right but it’s three things I wish I saw more in my main fandom? Well, if it’s that, then, 3 things about the Doctor Who fandom: 1) people having more civilized or light-hearted discussions about things. Like, I genuinely disliked an 8th doctor audio I listened once that my friends loved, and they made fun of me and we joked about it. Also once we were in a live twitch video playing among us and discussing doctor who, and then we got into a ship “discourse” as a joke and nobody really cared and just laughed because everyone knew it’s fictional shit so why get mad over it? 2) Doctor Who has a titanic amount of content, it’s all canon but at the same time it’s not, so who cares? If you want to listen to Big Finish audios and if you can afford it, then lisiten; if you can’t, it’s okay, no one has the right to tell you you’re less of a fan. Just tell them to fuck off; 3) The best way to keep fandom alive is by creating content. Here in my local fandom we have several podcasts dedicated to all areas of the whoniverse (the show, the expanded universe, the audios, etc), those old fandom websites who do serious work to bring news to the fans, people who make subtitles for the classic series (we don’t have it available here so they do their best to make it accessible to other fans), accounts dedicated to promoting dr who fans who create content, and we even have people making their own audiodramas with dw characters and writing book-lenght fanfiction to help explain the show to people who’ve never watched it, and a great variety of things. I’ve seen a few of these things in the international fandom, mostly by older fans, so I wish younger fans about my age who have the means to make this kind of stuff would make it too. Maybe there’d be less twitter drama out there lol

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

“the killing moon” by echo & the bunnymen reminds me of thoschei. yep it was totally random

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

The fact that we don’t have a pride and prejudice AU for brax/romana yet is driving me insane

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why

I’ve mentioned it before but doctor/river, don’t really remember why idk I just don’t vibe with it anymore. But also because thoschei has so many different pairings in 1 ship that I don’t really feel the need to ship them with anyone else lol

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SPECIFIC ok fellow academy era stans gather around if you have read Divided Loyalties there’s a scene where it SHOWS that Magnus had a crush on Ushas. And NO ONE HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT THEM and the power couple they would’ve made. I write them into all my fanfics in hopes of making other people ship them but I’ve had no success so far

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

The Master is a big fan of musicals and in the 77 years he spent on earth he watched every single one ever. I’m gonna be bold and say that when he was young, still Koschei, he was an artist, and thought about dropping everything to become an actor on Gallifrey. Time Lords do appreciate art, and have their own plays, but it’s just the same old and boring ones the young people don’t care about. The Master then created a shocking performance that was way ahead of its time and the older Time Lords were so appalled they banned him from writing and presenting plays and that’s his villain origin story

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

1) The Doctor and the Master married on Gallifrey and the entire show is just them having the most litigious divorce in the universe (still isn’t final because the Master has killed all the judges); 2) Ushas/The Rani is ace; 3) The Deca was a 10 people polyamorous relationship; 4) Romana and Livia were girlfriends at the Academy and they hate each other now because the break up was baad; 5) Romana writes fanfiction; 6) Romana/Leela had a thing in Davidia I KNOW it; 7) Leela pegs Narvin; 8) Brax has a life-size painting of Romana at his collection or a statue or smth; 9) Brax’s dream in Reborn is actually REAL and he’s married to Romana, Leela and Narvin all at the same time

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

I don’t even think I’m in 5 fandoms but

Doctor Who: The Master, The Doctor, Romana, Leela, Sarah Jane, Bill (this was the hardest thing ever)

The X-Files: Mulder, Scully, Monica, and can I add The Lone Gunmen too?

Star Wars: Leia, Obi-Wan, Finn, Poe Dameron and honorable mention to Din Djarin and Grogu

Hannibal: Hannibal, Will, Bev, Alana, Chiyoh

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

That’s hard

Doctor Who: thoschei ofc, gallifrey ot4.......... uuhh as you can see i don’t ship many pairings in the show

The X-Files: Mulder and Scully. And whatever Scully and Monica had going on because they definitively flirted

Star Wars: Poe/Finn, Han/Leia, whatever Han/Lando had going on too

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

WHATVASHAJSKAJSA ok this is a little embarassing but I don’t have a lot of kinks for many ships... I guess I have some for thoschei like, choking, whipping, blindfolds/gagging, bondage, begging, biting, sem-public, phone sex, dirty talk, body worship, praise kink, etc. Alright alright I know it’s a lot but in my defense they've shown half of these on the show

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

The Master, Romana, Leela, Brax, Narvin, Bill Potts, Martha Jones, Sarah Jane, Donna Noble, Lucie Miller. No particular order for most of them but the Master is my precious baby and I will die for this mf

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Not many, usually the people I follow are in the same fandoms as I am but I’ve seen some mutuals reblog some Hadestown stuff which is a play that I’ve never seen but definitively would because the protagonists look hot 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I DON’T KNOW WHAT DOES IT MEAN

it took me three hours to do this but it was fun!! thank you bb <3

[yoonia]

About Time // Part 13.5

-Jungkook’s Side Story-

Character: Jeon Jungkook x reader 

↳ Type/Genre/words: Angst, Smut, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au) / 32,982 words

↳ Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Warnings: involving acts of infidelity, a depiction of sexual intercourse, oral sex (M receiving)

↳ Author’s Note: Forgive me for taking such a long time to post this. I had to write this one from scraps and ditch the one I had planned out during last November’s NaNoWriMo and had decided to add more scenes to fill all the plotholes and to answer all the questions everyone had been sending me throughout the series. If you are having problems opening the chapter, this chapter has been posted in small parts on Inkitt and Wattpad. This chapter will be written in Jungkook’s pov, as it usually does on any character’s side stories. 

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Series Index: About Time | Next Chapter ⇢

Song Companion: Let You Go - Faime

—First Life, year 2015—

The apartment was dark and quiet when I entered. When nobody answered me even after I spent ten minutes pressing the bell and knocking on the front door, I figured nobody was home. Thank goodness I had the spare keys he gave me last summer so I managed to get in without having to wait for him to return, or else I would probably end up sitting out in the hallway like a bum.

Looking around in the dark, I felt surprisingly more welcomed being here than I felt back home. I had been in this place a lot of times before that I knew my way around like the back of my hand. There was no need for me to turn the lights on before finding my way to the huge sofa in the living room. I sat there by myself, letting the silence engulf me as my mind went back to what had happened earlier today, as my father’s demeaning voice kept ringing inside my head, over and over again.

I had no idea how much time had passed, but I kept sitting there with my head hanging low, my forearms resting on my knees as if I was not only losing grip of reality and my future, but also of myself. And I was sitting in that same way, unflinching even as the sound of the front door’s locks clicking was heard, followed by the sound of the door opening and closing, breaking the silence.

“Jungkook, is that you?” his deep voice rang echoed between the cold walls before the small lights from the corner of the room were turned on.

I said nothing to answer, nor did I turn to look at him. I heard him sigh deeply before his footsteps came closer to me. My eyes were still staring low onto the coffee table in front of me, before he sat down on the said table, facing me as he was waiting for me to look up.

“Jungkook?” he called my name again as I gave him no reaction at all. Although as he tossed his jacket on the empty spot beside me, the movement broke me from my reverie that I had no other choice but to lift my gaze, only to stare numbly into my older brother’s eyes. His lips turned into a flat line before he finally spoke, “I would ask you on how it went today but judging from the look on your face I’m guessing that it didn’t go well as planned.”

The memory came back to me and the pain inside my chest had me clenching my jaw tightly. I watched how my brother’s eyes caught onto my jaw, before looking down on my clenched hands. I never even realised that I was doing that before he glanced down, but I tried to loosen them up as I shook my head. “No,” I answered him. I opened my mouth to speak again, but no words came out. Thankfully, he never pressed on. All he did was nodded his head and pushed himself off the table.

He said nothing to me as he walked over to his cabinet, pouring an amber coloured liquor into a clear glass. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked me with his back on me, not bothering to look at me as he placed a few pieces of ice cubes into his drink.

“Only if you pour me one of those,” I said to him, which had him turning around to send me a quick scowl. “What? I need a drink and I do think I deserve one after what I’ve gone through tonight.”

“Are you even legal? You haven’t even gone through your high school graduation yet.”

I scoffed. “Oh, please. You are absolutely not giving me that ‘you’re not legal enough to drink’ lecture crap now. You were the one who gave me my first glass of vodka back when I was fifteen, after all, big brother.”

This time, he was the one who gave me a scoff, before he grinned at the memory. “Yeah, you’re right. Who am I to lecture you?” he said to me, before turning back to the bottles on his cabinet and made me a similar drink to the one he was having. “So tell me,” he said to me as he handed me the glass of glowing liquor. “What happened?”

I waited until he took a seat on the sofa next to me and once I had taken a huge gulp of the drink before I looked at him. Sighing deeply, I rested back on the sofa, watching him as he drank slowly without looking away. It took me another sip of the alcohol and a long exhale of breath before I finally spoke.

And then I told him everything.

I told him how I came home and went straight to our father’s study to have the talk. I told him how nervous I was under our father’s emotionless glare, and how proud I felt when I managed to finally told him about all the things that I was so passionate about, on my love for music, about how determined I was to chase my dream and on my wish of changing my majors once I started studying in university. And then I told my brother about our father’s answer that had taken him no time at all to consider before giving them to me,

“The answer is no.”

I downed the rest of my drink once the words rang inside my head, stabbing me right in the chest the same way it did when I first heard them. The way the liquor went down my throat, warming my whole body in one swift moment made my head spin for a bit that I had to close my eyes. Only opening them again once the pounding in my head subsided a little, and when I felt my brother returning to fill my glass to the brim. He set down the bottle on the table in front of us before sitting back down, already so sure that I might need more refills to heal the remaining dismay I still carried.

It took me days to gather the courage to speak up my mind, to be confident enough to face my father. And it was so damn painful to have my hopes being ripped and discarded as if they meant nothing at all to him when it meant the whole world to me. All the courage and hope that took me so long to muster was crushed within seconds with only one sentence.

“I was so goddamn sure when I came into his study, hoping that I would make a difference in both my life and for my future. That for once, he would give in, give me a chance to do something different. I’ve spent all my life so far doing everything he wanted, I thought for sure he would trust me enough to know what is right for me to do. And with one son already following his footsteps, would he not be more lenient to the other?”

If only I knew how wrong I was when he responded to my wish.

“What I say goes, Jungkook,” I remembered him cutting me off when I tried to voice my reasons, as I tried to make him change his mind and think it over. Yet his firm tone was enough to put me in my place, leaving me with no other chance to put up a fight. “What kind of future are you expecting to get by focusing on music, anyway? No, you are going to focus on your business major, finish it quickly so you can join me build the company. Your brother is joining me soon with how fast he had been advancing in his studies, it would be best if you put your mind into it so you can be with us when the time comes.”

My brother was silent as I kept telling him everything, as I relayed every single moment of how my hopes and dreams were shattered in less than five minutes. All he did was took a few slow sips of his drink and refilled our glasses while he waited for me to finish my story.

“That’s actually quite surprising,” he muttered after I was done talking.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged and gently placed his empty glass away to face me. “I mean, Dad has always been so lenient with you, if you haven’t noticed yet. I have witnessed him letting you get away with things and even solve your problems for you since you were young,” he explained. For some reason, I felt that he was pressing down a bit of the resentment hiding behind his words, although his face was void of emotions. Just the way how our father would when he spoke his mind. “I don’t know. I just didn’t think he would actually turn down his golden child.”

I threw him a sarcastic laugh. For years, my older brother had never been ashamed to show any indignation towards me. In fact, he had always been so vocal about it. He watched how my parents groomed me differently than they did him, and he never liked it. He hated how my father always took over whenever I got myself in trouble, or how my mother would get herself involved or cover for me when things came crashing down on me. I used to brush my brother aside each time he would protest our parents about it, reading everything that he said and his discord as a form of envy.

Perhaps I enjoyed being guarded under the shell that my father had created for me too much. I even used the nickname my brother gave me, ‘the golden child’, as something to brag. He had warned me once, that staying under my father’s shadow for too long would only allow him to have control of my life one day.

I never knew how right he was until today.

“It’s going to be hard to fight off the old man. I’d done my deed a long time ago and the fight became meaningless,” he said while placing his glass on the table, and I was soon reminded about how he had once rebelled against our father before he finally gave in. Perhaps we never had any chance but to follow what our father wanted, after all. “So what are you planning to do now?”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “I have no idea. What other choice do I have? He wouldn’t back down whenever he has his mind set on something.”

“Prove him that you can do better on your own,” my brother said to me, earning a slurred chuckle from me in return.

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

He only shrugged and pushed himself off from the sofa. “Just go along and do what he wants for now. You are still under his wings, after all, so just play along until you find the right moment to take the chance you need. There is always a loophole somewhere, all you have to do is find that chance and take it. But don’t let him see that you are planning to do anything against his will.”

I said nothing. My mind was spinning with everything that had been going on and for the drinks I had taken during our talk. How much did I drink? I had stopped counting after the third refill and while I was mimicking my father’s words to my dear brother. I felt lighter than I did before, but I still felt terrible inside.

“You’re staying here for the night, right?” my brother called out once he had crossed the room, his eyes were on me when I looked straight at him.

“Yeah,” I murmured, already felt heavy and so damn tired that all I wanted was to find an empty bed and sleep. I might even fell asleep right here on this sofa if I should lean back. “Just let me stay here for a while.”

“Right,” he nodded. “Just don’t drink yourself to sleep. Those things could never solve your problems, Jungkook. Just remember that.” He never gave me a chance to respond as he was already turning away from the living room. “The second bedroom is still yours. Use it all you like,” was all he said before he disappeared through the dark hallway towards his bedroom.

—First life, year 2016—

Playing along with my father’s wish had been something that I was good at doing. Years after years, I followed his words, never once have I tried to defy him as my mind was set to always get in his good side. I might have been quite the troublemaker while growing up, always so carefree that I had gotten to experience all the fun in life whenever I could, but I would never deny what he wanted, no matter how hard his wishes would be.

All through my school years, I always studied hard just like he wanted me to, I worked hard, I even came to his office every time he wanted me there so I could learn everything he wanted me to know about his company. As long as I knew how to please him, he would always be so easy to brush aside all the troubles I made when I had too much fun of my own.

Once life at university started, it just came naturally for me to follow what he wanted and pushed my dreams aside. But it did not mean that I would enjoy it.

Throughout the first year, I went on day after day, going through classes and group studies like clockwork. But even if my body was there, my mind and soul could never. As if all I could care about was to get through it as soon as I could. The faster I could finish those studies, the sooner I could get what I wanted. At least, that was what I had hoped for. I had hoped that one day I would be able to be free to choose my own path once I left home, but I was basically still living under my father’s shadows even when I was miles away from home.

The only thing that made me feel alive was the after hours. Following the same pattern I went through during my school years, once the classes and the dreadful long days were over, I would let myself go into the night and find my release.

I went through one party to another, only to feel alive, only to feel a semblance of what kind of life I could get when I was not under his wings, or followed by his shadows every move I made. Those were the only times when I could let go, when I could laugh my heart out and feel like a different person when I spent those nights surrounded by my frat brothers, my close friends, the family I created outside of my own. When I was able to live like my own person and forget about the part of me my father wished to create.

Soon enough, everything became a blur in my mind as I kept repeating the same pattern. Classes, assignments, afternoon hangouts, wild parties with lots of drinks, waking up with a hangover, repeat. And suddenly, the life that I had created for myself started to feel mundane, and it was no longer enough The alcohol could no longer help fill the void, and spending those drunken nights with faceless girls that somehow became a part of the equation somewhere along the way only made it worse.

“You okay?” I felt a nudge while my mind drifted away. Professor Lee’s levelled voice from the front of the class was starting to lull me to sleep that my mind wandered off in the middle of the lecture. Although the moment I was pulled back into the class, Professor Lee was no longer talking and everyone around me, including himself, was already in the middle of packing and leaving for the next schedule.

Today was the last day of the finals. It was only by a miracle that Professor Lee had traded the final exam for the class with assignments that we had to submit today, with an extra lecture as a bonus before we left for the upcoming break. It was basically pointless, which was probably why everyone seemed like they would rather be elsewhere but here and the class felt dead, yet everyone stayed for the extra attendance. Some even fell asleep at the back of the class, while I had lost my own interest ever since the Professor had started talking in the first place.

I looked over to Eunwoo who was sitting next to me, as he always did in class, finding him smiling while looking at me with concern.

“What?”

He chuckled. “You kind of zoned out half the lecture. You didn’t even notice me whispering at you,” he said. “What’s up?”

I shrugged. “Nothing. Just tired, I guess.” Yeah, more like tired of everything and acting like someone I’m not.

“You sure?”

“Positive,” I nodded. “What were you talking to me about?”

“The party tonight at the house. You’re going to be there, right?”

I had to resist the urge to grimace when I thought about the party. I had to be honest that those parties had started to suffocate me that I had chosen to stay away from the last few ones. By now, I was starting to run out of excuses. And with our house being the host for this semester’s post-final party, I could already tell that the boys would never let me ditch on them this time.

“Yeah, I kind of have to,” I shrugged it off, already wanting him to let it go.

“Cool,” he said, already beaming with a smile while I was starting to feel uneasy. “Everyone has been asking about you. And I could sure use a wingman tonight.”

This time, I let my desperate groan be heard out loud.

By 11.00 PM, the frat house was jam-packed with students. Things had started early tonight somehow, which was not a complete surprise due to the occasion. The music was thumping loud that the floor and the walls seemed to vibrate, joining the mass of students dancing on the main ground floor. No doubt that there was bound to be a huge mess in the morning with all these people and the overflowing alcohol around, but nobody truly cared.

It was the last day of finals. Everyone present tonight was only there to release their stress after all the deadlines and exams everyone had to deal with for the past week.

I strolled leisurely through the crowd with a plastic glass in my hand, trying to enjoy the night as much as I could and forget about everything else waiting for me outside of these walls. I could see the boys being the usual rowdy hosts, moving from one corner to another to initiate drinking games or just to rile up the crowd. I could not help but smile as I watched them, yet I still had no intention of joining them yet. Not completely sure what I was searching for in this party aside from getting drunk or high, I took my time to look around, searching through all the faces around me, familiar or not, as if I would find something there.

Or someone.

I lightly brushed the latter notion with a scoff. What was I possibly thinking? I had told myself that I would try my best to stay away from getting into bed with any random girls tonight. It was not like I had any problems of hooking up with anyone, it was more that I had lost the interest to. It was something that I had once thought would help me feel something when everything else made me feel numb, but I stopped when it did nothing but give me a lot of trouble instead of helping me.

It was one of the reasons why I never joined these parties lately.

I was starting to grow tired of being someone that was not myself. Of feeling incomplete.

I looked away at the boys to see the group of girls that were hanging around them, some clinging to whoever had gotten too intoxicated enough to care while the others were merely lounging around and trying to grab any kind of attention. My eyes fell on Minhee who was standing by next to her friend, instantly meeting her gaze as she was looking my way. A smile started creeping on her face when she noticed I was staring, while I inwardly scoffed instead.

It took only one night of hooking up with her in my bed while I was too drunk to notice, and she had been sending me bedroom eyes every time we met, hoping for another. As if, I wondered as I looked away. If that one night had her thinking that she could cling on me and claim me as her territory, I could never dare to imagine what would happen once I gave her another night.

Turning away from her stare that was starting to creep me out, I decided to make my way across the room instead of joining them. And that was when it happened.

My eyes moved towards the door when a couple of figures came rushing in. They stopped at a halt right by the doorway, one of them looking around at the dancing crowd with a wide, amused grin on her face. It took me a moment before I finally recognised her, having seen her in many other parties before, once even catching her hooking up with one of our boys, but her looks had changed a lot. Her purple hair was what caught my eyes, although it failed to hold my attention longer than it should when my gaze found the other girl beside her.

This girl, however, managed to make me feel like everything around me had stopped. The same way it did the first time I saw her. It was during an event held by the campus with us being volunteers sometime last year, where we held an auction for a charity case. She was there as one of the volunteers. I remembered being curious about her, but had no chance of doing anything about it when she disappeared right before the after-party. Then even if I managed to see her again on different occasions, she never stayed long enough for me to find her.

She looked around the room without noticing me, following her friend’s gaze. A few sighs came from her despite her smile, and I was pretty darn sure that I even caught her scoffing at whatever her friend was saying before she laughed. Her eyes caught mine for merely a few seconds, only to look away before I ever had a chance to do anything to stop it when her friend pulled her away.

I watched her as she brushed through the crowd, unable to move. It’s her, my mind kept screaming at me, as if it had found what it was looking for the minute I recognised her. That’s her, dumbass!

But I did nothing to chase her. There was something about her that pulled me in, something in her eyes and the way she smiled. Something I never felt before.

As I was lost in a daze with my eyes still looking towards where she disappeared into, a couple of kids danced too wild and knocked me from the side, knocking me back to my senses. By then, she was completely out of my sight, lost between the students in search of pleasure for one night. But I silently hoped that I would not lose her again once I found her.

About an hour had passed and she had slipped right out of my reach more than once.

I caught her once dancing in the middle of the room with her friend and another guy at one time, and I was too busy admiring her from afar that I could not get to her in time. She disappeared once she seemed a little too worked up with the crowd gathering too close around her and I had no clue where she went. Even if she reappeared a few times after, it was so easy for her to walk away from me again.

As I thread through the crowd, I was starting to regret not having been drunk enough yet even when it was well over midnight. Being drunk in these parties would help me ignore the bodily fluids that were probably staining the whole house. It was hard to ignore them when being sober, but I needed to keep my head straight if I wanted to find her before the party ended.

It was during the wild search for her through the dancing students when I got pulled away so unwillingly from the main living room. My eyes were busy looking for her when I was pulled by a strong arm around my shoulder that proceeded in taking me towards the kitchen.

“Where have you been running off to, man? The kids are playing beer pong against Sigma Pi and Yoongi is winning for them. We need you to retaliate,” Yugyeom said to me as he dragged me across the room. I opened my mouth, trying to refuse when he added. “Minhee has been looking for you too. Come on.”

I sighed, dreading to see what this would lead into. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

The boys around me were cheering for me as I was getting ready to toss the ball. But my mind was all over the place. I had caught her standing at the kitchen counter, talking to the guy tending the beer jug with a red plastic cup in her hand before our rowdy group pushed everyone out of the kitchen. I was clutched tightly between my friends that I failed to follow her, yet I still caught where she was heading to before she disappeared from my sight.

Just get this over with, I cursed in my mind while glancing out the door where she had slipped out of, ignoring the smug smile Yoongi was sending me from across the table.

“Come on, Jungkook. What’s wrong? Are you scared of losing? You’ve been out of the game for too long, perhaps you forgot how to play,” he kept taunting me, slurring through his words as he goaded. It seemed that ever since I have been away from these parties, Yoongi and his boys became the star between the other kids.

“Not a chance, man,” I said while gritting my teeth. My boys were hooting at my side, cheering on me, but the thing that annoyed me most was the girl that somehow found it necessary to cling by my side the whole time.

Right the moment I had slipped into the kitchen with Yugyeom, she slid through her group of friends and clutched onto me like I was her life support. I had to resist pushing her away to avoid causing a scene, knowing that she was already well drunk. Moving my eyes between the glasses of beer in front of me and the door leading to the side porch, my mind kept telling me to just finish the game and run for her. I knew she was still out there, since there was no way she could make it out the front door without going back through the kitchen, and my gut was telling me that something was not right.

“Anytime now, Jungkook. Before the sun comes up,” Yoongi taunted me again, pulling my eyes back towards him. “Or are you waiting until everyone leaves so nobody would see you losing against me?”

As I glared right Yoongi’s way, I sent him a smirk that I was sure would make his intoxicated blood boil. I said nothing to him as I tossed the ball right to the last glass.

I spared no time to stay and celebrate once I kicked Yoongi’s ass on the game. I never even glanced back to the boys when they were shouting at me, wondering where I was running off to. Nor was I bothered to care when Minhee’s nasal voice protested at me pushing her off and bolted without giving her a second glance.

My gut was telling me to rush towards her. And it was a good thing that I listened. Because even before I managed to walk past the door, I could hear someone’s voice, sounding in desperate need of help and filled with fear. I already knew it was her before I even saw it.

Sure enough, right as I rushed through the side porch, I saw her there.

The first thing I saw was her face. With the crowd no longer covering her and the distance holding us apart, I could see her more clearly from where I stood. The one that caught my eyes first was the fear in her eyes and the tears that were threatening to fall. Then my eyes went down to see the hand that was holding roughly on to her small wrist.

And all I saw was red.

The man holding her had his back on me, but with his big broad shoulders and unruly red hair, I immediately knew who he was. He was once a part of Sigma Pi, our frat’s rival, and got kicked out after harassing some kids during one of their events.

In no way I was going to let him touch or hurt what was mine.

“Hey!”

He slightly jumped when he heard my voice. I could hear him growling, telling me that he knew who I was before turning towards me. I kept my eyes on her, making sure that she knew I was here for her while Jay turned to send me a threatening glare. “Let her go. Everyone can see she doesn’t want your company,” I said, gritting my teeth. My hands were clenched tight on my side, itching to break every bone in his body. His fingers that were holding her would come first.

“Get inside and stay away, Kookie. This is none of your business,” he barked at me, but I could care less about him. He might be bigger than me, but I could still take him out anytime, especially when I was much more sober and he was a terrible drunk. All I had in my mind was her eyes that were staring at me, pleading for me to get her out of there. It took everything from me to hold back and not come rushing forward to snatch her away. The last thing I needed was to get her hurt while I was trying to keep her safe.

“It is my business if you’re harassing my guest. Let her go, Jay. Now!”

“Or what, Kookie? What are you going to do, huh?” He taunted with a clenched jaw. I knew he was also holding back, but I could also see him tightening his hand on her wrist and was starting to pull her to him until she let out a cry that made my chest feel tight.

Clenching my hands harder until I could feel my nails digging into my skin, I gritted my last threat. “Or I will ban you from our events and our house for good. How does that sound?”

I could see him debating whether or not he should test me even further. He was already banned from his own frat house and a lot of public events on campus. Our house was the last to welcome him, only because the boys knew we could keep better eyes on him here instead of letting him roam around other places. Once we kicked him out from here as well, he would lose any reputation he had left.

“You won’t be able to do that.”

“Try me.”

Tension started to rise, and I could sense her fear. Right as I was about to lurch forward, I heard his curses and watched him letting her go abruptly that she nearly lost her balance.

“Fine. Fuck. The chick is yours,” he grunted, before walking away to the opposite side of the porch, away from both of us. “See you later, bitch,” he snapped at her before he made a turn towards the back of the house.

Paying no attention to the prick, I rushed towards her. She was looking down on her wrist while gently stroking on her skin to notice me coming closer.

“Hey, are you alright?” I asked her, keeping my voice low and gentle as to not startle her or scare her away.

Seconds felt like an eternity before she finally looked up to me. At first, the fear in her eyes was still there, until she recognised me and it turned to relief. She was still holding her wrist in her hand, looking unsure of what to do or if she should run away from here. Like hell I will let her run, I cursed in my mind, already vowing to myself to protect her and keep her close all night. Not only to keep her away from other bastards like Jay, but also because I refused to let her go again now that she was here with me.

“I—uh, I’m—” she stuttered, and I suddenly had the urge to reach for her and hold her to calm her down. I made no move to do any of it and it was killing me inside. The moment she showed me her wrist and my eyes fell on her wounded skin, the urge to hunt down Jay came even stronger than before.

But I was quick to push the thought of Jay aside, keeping my attention on her instead. She was still shaken and I could feel her fear slowly fading away from her as she stayed with me all night. Everything might have started quite awkward at first after I convinced her to come with me, until we exchanged our names, shared our drinks, then shared a dance in the party. By the end of the night, I found myself walking her home to her flat a block away from the house—which I cursed myself for not knowing, I would have found her sooner if only I had known.

And then, I was suddenly in her bedroom.

“Are you staying?” she looked up to me with her eyes already drooping halfway to sleep as she lied on the bed. I had helped her get ready for bed, all while making sure she was alright. She looked fragile and soft, and I felt all the need in me wanting to take care of her until the end of time.

“Do you want me to stay?” I asked her carefully. I would hate it if I screwed this up, but I had no idea how to stop myself if I ever lost control. And knowing myself, I would probably lose it once I lied next to her.

She shrugged, looking so adorably lost and shy when she tried to pry her eyes away from me. “Only if you want to.”

Oh, I would definitely want to. Because I want you. I would do anything for you. I would even stay forever if you’d let me.

Taking a deep breath to will my heartbeat to calm down a little, I tucked her under the blanket before climbing up the bed. If only she would let me, I would hold her to sleep in my arms and keep her there until morning came. But I knew if I wanted this to last even longer than just one night, I had to play my cards right and wait.

“I’m going to stay until you fall asleep. Or at least until I’m sure that it would be alright to leave you here on your own, okay?” I told her while lying on my side, wanting to keep my eyes on her all night long.

She gave me a smile and lied facing me sideways. “Okay,” she whispered, all while looking straight at me until everything fell into silence.

As I looked deep into her eyes and found myself getting lost in those beautiful glossy orbs, I knew then that I was finally where I belonged. I knew that my life would never be the same again. And this time, I would fight to keep her and never let go. Even if I have to keep her to myself and keep her as a secret from my family.

Being with her felt so right.

Meeting her and spending my time with her became something I always looked forward to when I started my day. It started from hanging out at a coffee place to hanging out in her flat until past midnight, when she would be too tired to speak and I would tuck her to bed before I left. Then our relationship grew as she became someone I ran to whenever I needed a safe place or whenever I needed solace, while I tried my best to be her shelter when she needed someone to confide in, or perhaps a shoulder to cry on when things got rough on her.

My friends could immediately see the change in me ever since she came into my life, and I could tell how much they welcomed her presence. They already knew that we were together before we ever did. So the moment we stopped coming into parties or joining with our friends to hang out with them, nobody ever questioned it.

Then as my feelings grew, hers did as well. It all started from one shy kiss on the cheeks after our movie night, then escalated into full making out sessions either on her couch or on my bed, until the night we decided to be honest with ourselves and let our action show every single thing that our heart wanted.

Making love to her was even better.

The night we first made love was a magical moment for both of us. That moment, when she finally opened up to me and let me be inside her, I felt as if I was being reborn into a whole new person. That night, while being snugged in her arms, when our bodies became one for the first time, I vowed to never let her go.

“I love you.”

Those three words finally came out one night when I could no longer hold back the truth of how much I felt for her and how deep I had fallen for her. Everything felt different that night. Ever since the moment she laid her kiss on my lips to when she pulled me back onto my bed, when our bare skin touched with scorching heat, I was completely lost to her and I instantly knew. And I also knew her feelings before she voiced them out to me when I could feel it coming out on her as we made love all night long.

The way she arched her body as my lips nipped her delicate skin, as my tongue tasted the sweet nectar that came flowing out of her core. I had drunk from her so many times before but she tasted so exceptionally sweet that night that I nearly lost myself between her legs, even as she kept screaming and pulling me when it became too much for both of us to handle. Then as she moaned my name while I traced my lips on her hot skin, from down her hot folds and all the way up to her chest, nipping on the tip of her breasts until her pointy nubs hardened inside my mouth, I could feel her heartbeat racing just as fast as mine did, as if our hearts would only beat when we were together and because of each other.

Her fingers on my skin felt like fire, soft as she delicately felt my presence yet firm as she claimed me as hers. I could feel all her love and desire through her kisses, through the way she called my name, and from the look in her eyes as she looked at me the moment I sent her to the peak of pleasure. Then when I entered her, as I glided through her hot canal, when her walls throbbed against my hard cock, engulfing me in her warmth, I felt that I was home.

Every time I was inside her, when I finally sheathed myself into the hilt of her depth, I knew that we were meant for each other. We were a tight fit. And nothing could compare to this, to being one with her, as if our soul joined together the moment our bodies intertwined to one another. I could let myself lost in her forever, loving how she spasmed against my girth as our bodies rocked rhythmically in tune on top of my bed. I could savour the sensations every thrust sent to my body, to the newfound desire that made itself known until my body felt insanely tight the closer I was getting to reach my release.

Yet the one that sent me into the peak was not how her body shuddered and clenched me tightly inside her as she reached her climax, nor the way her sweet nectar coated every bulge and ridge that kept sliding in and out of her, not even the hard pounding I kept giving her as I gave in to pleasure. It was her words, her delicate voice that came out soft and rasped after she screamed out my name in intense bliss, when she looked into my eyes and said,

“I love you too, Jungkook. Only you.”

Every touch, every kiss, every breathy call for my name which she made when we were reaching for bliss together was perfect. Life with her was perfect. Every night I would be lost in her love, and I knew that life would be fine as long as I had her by my side for the rest of my life. We spent each and every night altering between sharing her bed or mine, showing our love to one another in those long hours until the sun came up. At times, I wondered what it would be like to share the same bed for the rest of our lives, because waking up to her by my side made me feel complete. It made me feel whole and made me believe that I finally had a purpose. And I would never trade that feeling to anything else in the world.

She became the beautiful little secret of my own that made me feel less like living under the suffocating shadows of my father’s demands, giving me hope that there was something in the future that I could look forward to. She was mine, absolutely, one hundred percent mine. And our life together was ours to keep and create as our own’s, as a part of my life that would always be under my own control.

Until the day when it was not.

“I’m pregnant.”

—First life, year 2018—

When I was a little boy, my grandfather once took me and my brother to the beach and sat us both down, gone was his playfulness that we had grown completely quiet as we faced the man, fearing for our lives as we started thinking if we had done something worthy of some serious scolding. Neither of us knew what he was doing, but we watched him attentively and waited to see what he wanted.

As if knowing what we were thinking, he only smiled at us before joining us to sit down on the sand. Taking a handful of white sand in his hand, he then gave us one of the biggest lessons in life we could have ever gotten. It was a lesson which was soon engraved in my memory but had always kept being pushed back to the back of my mind until it was too late.

“Life is nothing but a handful of sand. It is the most delicate thing that has always been misunderstood and taken for granted,” he said then, lifting an open hand that carried a thick layer of sand on its palm and brought it to our faces to see.

“Hold and carry them the right way, with patience and gentleness, and enough amount of care, then you will have all you want from them on the palm of your hand. Lose the gentleness and grow careless, or be selfish and hold on to them too tight or with not enough willpower at all—” sending a smirk at us, he made a big gesture of clenching his fist together and I watched how the sand slipped through the crevices between his fingers and his big palm, running down slowly onto the ground where they came from, leaving only a small amount of them as my grandfather opened his palm to us right after, “—and just like that, they will slip away from you until there is nothing left but remnants of them that is only there as a reminder of what you have lost.”

It was a lesson that was more than what our little minds could comprehend, until years later when I finally understood what he meant.

“Now, my boys, remember this later when you grow up, once life starts showing you different paths to choose and distractions to stray you away from it. Remember the sand and look at it as if it is your own life and everything that comes along with it, everything that you cherish the most. Remember to treat them gently, treat them with care, keep them safe from your own selfishness and not let them slip away from you so easily.”

“I’m pregnant.”

The minute she said those words, I remembered that day, remembered my grandfather’s voice and myself watching those grains of sand falling on the ground. And that was exactly how I felt then. It felt like my whole life just shattered to the floor into pieces, turning into those delicate sand. And with her words, I felt everything slipping away from me.

Our life. Our Haven. Her.

Everything was falling apart right when I had thought I had everything under my control, just when we were building our lives and creating our own little bubble together where we were safe from the world around us. I was so comfortable in that life, being by her side and lost in her love that I had never realised it when I started to hold on to it too tight, as I was keeping her away from my own demons and my family’s overbearing rules. I was afraid that one day my father would come and take her away or try to control us just the way he had done to me for years. Or even worse, that the moment he found out about her, he would use her to control me. Those fear kept coming to me that I began shielding her from him, from my family, from a dark side of me which I knew she would never be able to welcome in her life.

“Jungkook?” A familiar voice called for my name, followed by a few knocks on the car window to pull me out of my daze. All of a sudden, I found myself sitting in my car, my hands clutching tightly on the steering wheel until my knuckles had started to lose colour.

Where am I?

How did I get here?

Drawing in a shaky breath, I nearly choked at the tightness in my chest. The pain had been there for a while, I noticed, leaving me breathless, as if all the oxygen in my lungs had been taken away.

The knocking on the window returned, this time the sound was enough to make me look over, and my eyes fell on my older brother’s concerned face looking at me from the other side of the glass.

“Jungkook, what’s wrong? Open the door!” his voice sounded muffled but I could still hear him, which only meant that he was already yelling at me. It was dark, but I could still see the gloss in his eyes, the scowl that he had to suppress as he waited for my response. There was no doubt he was close to breaking the glass or pull the door open with force with how deep the frown he had plastered on.

I had no memory of driving all the way here and I started to question about my own state of mind, how I managed to drive two hours away from her flat to my brother’s place without recalling anything about the journey or anything happened in between.

What I did remember was standing in the middle of her living room and nearly breaking down.

I had come to her place after she had called me, frantically begging for me to come with a strained voice and a few sobs that I had run off all the way from campus just to get to her, thinking something must have been wrong. Then I remembered her telling me about it, with her tear-streaked face and both her palms pressing on her flat stomach, letting me know that she was having a baby.

Our baby.

I remembered not being able to breathe, my whole body shaking as I felt the ground beneath me crumbling apart. Then I remembered walking away with her wailing behind me.

I left her.

I. Left. Her.

She is having my baby and all I did was walk away.

Fuck.

“Have you not been careful?”

My brother’s voice sounded low. There was no need for me to look his way to know that he was probably pinching the bridge of his nose or pressing on his temple to ease his frown. He had kept the scowl on his face while he was listening to me, as I told him everything that had happened and what had led me here. About me, her, and the news she dumped on me before I fled.

“We’ve always been careful. We used protection every time, and even when we did miss it, she would take her morning-after pills just to make sure,” I told him with a sigh. It felt more like I was convincing myself rather than to him. As if looking back to every precaution we had ever made would change the present.

“Some might say that you can never be too careful,” he muttered. “Are you sure it’s yours?”

“Watch what you are saying,” I snapped at the accusation that was hanging in his question, all while turning to glare at him. I could not just stay quiet while he was throwing it so freely at her when he had never even met her before.

But then I inwardly cringed when I remembered throwing the same accusation right at her face myself.

You sick bastard, I cursed myself as I looked away from his knowing gaze. It felt like he was judging me for not only having to get my girlfriend pregnant before college ended, but also for trying to avoid claiming her baby as mine.

Fuck, I am such a complete dick, I scolded myself with rage and reached out to the glass of scotch my brother had left on the table for me. I never wanted to drink my misery away, but the more I thought about her, the more I wanted to wash down the pain. I hissed at the taste of the liquor when I took the huge gulp, wishing that it would immediately take control of my mind so I would stop all the thinking and quickly forget.

“The baby has to be mine. There is no—” I choked with a sob when her face came back into my mind. “There is no way she would cross me. We are always together, we always have been. You don’t know her like I do. I know that she wouldn’t—”

Did you say the same thing to her?

I grimaced and closed my eyes when my voice echoed in my head. I remembered the pain in her eyes when I said it, and now it was coming back at me tenfold.

“I trust you. Forgive me, I just had to ask,” my brother said to me. I could sense him shifting on his seat. He was sitting across from me on his small bar, still sporting the same deep frown as he regarded my own. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I have no fucking idea,” I said with nearly a whisper. “Fuck, this is such a mess.”

“It’s your mess, so you need to figure it out,” he scolded me. I had no need for him to remind me about it, but I had no energy left to call him out on it. Instead, I looked at him, letting him see how defeated I felt when I met his eyes and watched how his frown turned to sadness. “Have you two talked about what to do with the baby?”

“No, we—” I stopped and look away. “No, we haven’t had a chance to.”

Because I ran away before we could.

My brother clenched his jaw, making me wonder if I had said those words out loud and admitted to him that his younger brother was a fucking coward. He looked at me deep in the eyes as he asked me, “Do you want to keep the baby?”

“I don’t know, fuck! I have no idea how to be a goddamn father!” I practically yelled at him and slapped my palm on the bar.

But then suddenly, despite the haziness in my head and the lump in my throat, everything cleared up. At that moment, the whole dam inside me was broken loose and I shivered right before I completely broke down in front of my closest sibling. That was when I realised the reason for my misery.

No, it was not just about the baby or about the fact that my whole life was about to change with any decision I would make.

It was because I could not choose one without the other, knowing her well enough to know that she would never let the baby go.

No, I don’t want the baby.

But I’d rather die than to lose her because of it either.

Fuck, I am so screwed.

Clenching and unclenching my hands and jaw repeatedly, I kept my eyes on her flat. The sky had yet turned dark, but the street in front of it was empty. The neighbourhood had always been a quiet one, and with today being the middle of the week, everyone around would be busy someplace else and would only return to their living quarters in this street by nightfall.

Her flat itself seemed quiet. At one glance, the place looked dead. The lights at the front of the building were still down when I arrived. The blinds on the windows were closed shut and there was no doubt that the door was locked. Nothing seemed out of place and it looked like the place was rather empty with no activity appearing on sight.

But I knew she was home.

I had been back on campus grounds since a few days ago after staying at my brother’s place for another day after my arrival, letting him console me before I had to face my father and to face her again. I came back only when I felt like I was ready to deal with what was waiting for my return, yet I still could not bring myself to see her.

That was why I had been sitting here in my car for the past hour, like I had done so ever since I came back. This was where I had always ended up at every time I stepped out of the frat house with any determination to see her. The farthest I had been was to stand in front of her door, listening to the muffled shuffling voices happening from the other side of that door for nearly an hour without ever knocking and letting her know I was there.

No matter how many times I told myself that I needed to see her, that I needed to fight with her and be by her side, my courage kept flying off the window the moment I came close enough to do it.

Taking a deep breath, I took another glance at the closed door. Memories of her, of her voice, her laughter, her crying face, all came to me and made me wonder if she was taking care of herself. With worries taking over me, I unknowingly reached for the door, ready to open it and ran off across the street when I saw him coming.

Taehyung.

Trudging from the other end of the block, I saw her nerd of a best friend came with fierce determination in his eyes—one that I knew I never had—and firm footsteps towards the flat. I watched him running up the stairs before he reached her porch and leaned down to unlock the door.

He has a fucking key? I clutched the door handle tightly as I watched him slip through the door while calling for her. I still had my eyes on her flat as he slammed the door closed behind him and the flat returned to silence.

Jealousy. Rage. A new set of emotions came back to me all at once aside from the fear of losing her. I wanted to run after him and pull him away from the flat. Away from her. I was supposed to be the one who was in there with her, not another man while she was having a child with me.

But I did no such thing.

All I did was release my door and reached for my phone instead. Forcing myself to look away and push the thought of her to the back of my mind, I started texting the one person I had always been running to every time I failed to force myself to see her.

[07.14 PM] To Eunwoo: Where you at?

I waited for a response while tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. The chime on my phone came minutes later.

[07.16 PM] From Eunwoo: At the house, we’re heading out to grab some food at Benny’s before crashing a party downtown. You coming?

With another glance at her quiet flat, I took a few moments before deciding what to do. I needed to grow up a pair and face her, to face everything together with her like I was supposed to. But my chest felt tight when I remembered about the other man that was currently with her.

She already has someone else to deal about it with anyway.

[07.21 PM] To Eunwoo: I’m coming. See you there.

Tossing the phone away to the passenger seat, I started the car and drove away without taking another glance.

And hours later, I was where I usually ended up at after each of my failure of facing her.

Surrounded by college students and probably some others, loud music banging against the wall and flow of booze coming and going. My friends and brothers from the frat house had been going wild for the last few days, hopping from one party to another day by day. It was local dorm parties or frat parties at first, then followed by occasional trips to other parts of the city, and it had somehow become a resort of mine to hide away from seeing her or any of her friends.

Coward, my conscience kept calling me out whenever I thought about her. But I never listened.

Looking around the trashed living room of some stranger’s house we had barged into tonight, I could not find anyone I recognised, having lost my friends ever since the beginning of the party when they immediately scattered through the crowd. But then again, I was completely trashed for God knows how many drinks I had chugged in to drown the voices in my head and to keep myself from driving back to her place that everything seemed blurry in my eyes.

I staggered through the makeshift dance floor, not even caring about the people that kept bumping into me and blocking my way. I had no idea where these people came from or who they were. The only thing I heard upon our arrival was that this was a homecoming party for a certain dance crew members who had just won some kind of a competition out of town. I spotted the said crew members earlier, tossing drinks and cheering from the other side of the room, but I stayed away while my friends joined them.

My body was suddenly pushed back when someone bumped hard into me as they passed through the dance floor. I looked over to know that it was not one of the dancing crowd nor that it was my friend, but rather one of the dance crew members I saw earlier, and he was quick to grab my arm to stop me from falling flat on my ass.

“Hey, sorry man. Are you okay?” he asked me, slurring a little while looking at me up and down. He was shorter than me, but looked like he had grown more muscles than I ever could. His face, however, was just as blurry as everything I was seeing around me.

“Ah, yeah. It’s fine, I was bound to fall down anyway,” I chuckled at him, patting his shoulder a little to thank him. “I was just about to sit down—” I stopped to look over to the corner of the room, spotting an empty space on the couches that had been pushed back to the walls. “—there. If I can make it without falling, that is.”

The man beside me only laughed. “Gonna need some help with that?”

I turned to him, noticing the redhead that was clutching on his arm and decided that she might be needing him more than I would. “Nah,” I waved my hand at him. “I’ll be okay. You go on ahead,” I told him, winking for good measure that made him chuckle while the girl who was with him visibly sighed.

“Alright, come on, Jimin. The kid said he’s okay. We need to get you out of here before you trash yourself too hard you fail to make it to audition tomorrow,” the girl scowled at him, practically pulling him away.

The guy rolled his eyes, whispering to me a little bit too hard and said, “Naggy cousins,” before patting my shoulders and walked away from me with his ‘cousin.’

As I turned away from looking at his retreating back, I was once again stumbling on my legs. But this time, I gave in as the beat of the music filled my head. Closing my eyes, I swayed my body left and right to follow the music. It felt good for a moment, as if I was drowned into something hollow and less painful or as terrifying as what my life was turning to be. I had no idea how long I was lost in my own world, dancing as if I was the only one in the room, until I felt someone pressing into me.

As I opened my eyes, I saw a girl in a tight revealing dress dancing with her body pressing on my chest. Her hands trailed up my shoulders before she started moving the same rhythm as I did, and I let her. Instead of pushing her away, I moved my hands to hold onto her hips and continued to dance with her, with our warm bodies moving along the music and letting ourselves lost in the moment.

Just the way I always did when I was at these parties.

I might never remember their faces or their names, or even remember what I had done with them aside from drinking away our miseries after dancing, but it had always ended this way ever since I started hiding away from her.

It never felt right, because they were not her. But for a moment, I could pretend everything was alright, I could pretend that I was not about to lose the life I had with her. I could pretend that everything was slowly falling into place, and that when I returned to her, there would be no baby in our way and things would come back to the way it used to. I would have her waiting for me in her small living room with a bright smile on her face and her usual big, clingy hug to throw at me before we could start over.

Everything was alright, and our lives were not falling apart.

I had no recollection of how I finally made it to the couches after that dance. My head was spinning for being drunk and I had kept my eyes closed the whole time as I waited for the alcohol to wear off so I could leave. I had lost track of time, but with the crowd thinning around me, I knew it was much later and was probably well away from midnight. My back was leaning into the soft couch and the cushions on my back. My body was warm, not only because of the drinks I had all night, but also to the hot lips that kept pressing down my neck.

But then they suddenly stopped.

“Hey, do you know that guy?” the voice beside me spoke, forcing me to reluctantly open my eyes.

I saw her face still in a close distance to mine when I looked down, finding her hands pressing on my chest next and her knee which was somehow resting on my thigh, before I followed her gaze and found out what she had meant. Only to figure out who she was talking about after blinking my haziness away.

Right there, standing at the entrance of the living room, I saw the familiar face of a fuming Kim Taeyung whose eyes were possibly glaring daggers into my skull under his thick glasses.

“You sick, son of a bitch!” He shouted at me while seething, right before he lunged forward at me.

The words he spoke and his sudden movement made me push myself off the couch, uncaring to how the girl who was with me had fallen on impact.

“What the hell—” I started to speak. But I never had a chance to finish the sentence, or to question how on earth he was able to find me there. All I could register was the hard blow of his fist landing on my face before all hell broke loose and everything went black.

“Ow. Stop touching that.”

“Oops, sorry,” she giggled from my side.

I narrowed my eyes to the girl beside me as she pulled her hand away from my face, wondering what she was doing without ever pushing her away. She was not a student of the same campus I went to. Hell, I could not even remember her name. I only remembered her from the party I went to a few days ago and she had somehow found me here.

Looking away from her, I ignored the way she was pressing on my side. She had been extra clingy ever since she came to the party and saw me, telling me that she had grown worried after the huge fight I had gotten at the party where we last met and fleeing right after. Never knowing that I had to leave because I had to run to see ____ before Taehyung could reach her before I would.

My head throbbed as I remembered her and what happened that night. It took me a few blows right at the head by that damn nerd to make me go to her. I sobered up right after and rode a cab to her flat to talk to her, to win her back. Things were getting better since. At least it was before I woke up this morning on her bed and witnessed her dealing with her morning sickness. The sight reminded me of what we were dealing with that I felt so terribly suffocated that I had to leave. Ever since the night she opened her door for me, I had stayed with her all the time and every night.

Until tonight.

Why was I here again? Oh. That’s right, I thought to myself while rubbing the swelling on my cheek that had yet to recover. That was one of the reasons why I came to this party. I stumbled upon the nerd again on my way to ____’s flat, and the humiliation of what he did to me returned.

It had been a couple of days since the night he came crashing to the party to hunt me down, but the swelling and the cuts on my face still marked my skin and throbbed to remind me of what he had done to me. It was my headache that had led me here instead of going to her place. And my plan of getting a glass of beer or two before I would leave had to change when this girl beside me came to me, insisting at me to stay with her.

What am I doing? I asked myself when I looked at her face again. She was looking up to me with those wide, hopeful eyes, smiling widely as she slid her hands onto my body.

I could not remember how much I had drunk since I had gotten here. It seemed like I had lost control of my bearings when it came to drinking, especially when I was highly unstable like I was at the moment. It was ____ who had been the one to hold me back at times like these ever since we had gotten together. She was my anchor and the only one who managed to control me. But now, I felt lost, as if I had forgotten how to survive on my own without her.

Shaking my head, I tried to clear my head and my sight to look at the girl again. The music was too loud around us so I could not hear what she was saying. I could only tell she was talking to me by how her warm breath kept brushing against my skin while she kept caressing my arm with her fingers. Sometimes she would even lean closer that I could feel her lips briefly grazing on my jaw and neck.

I nearly resisted her at first, but when I could no longer look away, I was suddenly lost in her eyes and her presence. My body started to relax in the seat and into her touch. I smiled when she did and even laughed along with her no matter how much the music had drowned our voices together. For a moment, I started to have hopes.

Perhaps she could make me forget. Even if it was only for one night. Just one night without wondering what it would be like if nothing ever happened during the past week, a night where I could imagine the past week and my ruined life was nothing but a bad dream, and that the baby in her belly never existed, if only we—

“Jungkook! What the fuck is this?”

What?

I opened my eyes as I heard the familiar voice against the loud music and felt the girl pulling away from me. I had thought that perhaps I was imagining things. That was until I followed her gaze and then I saw—her.

Oh, no. Please.

“______,” I stuttered when I met her wide eyes, and pushed myself off the couch. The hands that were touching suddenly felt like fire against my skin and I nearly tossed the girl away from me. It felt like a rewind from the other night when I could hear her falling over but I could care less about it. Not when I saw ______’s lips trembling right before my eyes.

My legs nearly gave up on me as I staggered towards her, but I kept pushing myself forward and kept my eyes on her. I kept refusing to believe that this was actually happening. I kept refusing to think about what she might be thinking or what she had seen. I swallowed hard while wishing that she did not just see me with the other girl, that she had not been witnessing me—

“Jungkook, why?” she suddenly choked, crushing my prayers. Her tears and the pain in her eyes, the disappointment that was clear in her gaze that never wavered from me had all only proven to me that she had witnessed everything. “So this is how you clear your mind? This is where you’ve been when you were being scared?”

“No, ____. Please listen to me, it’s not what you think—”

I tried to reach out to her but she was quick to dodge my hand and turned around. There was nothing I could do to stop her as she quickly walked out of the room. I immediately jumped forward, brushing everyone away as I ran through the hallway just in time to see her practically running towards the elevator, pushing everyone that was blocking her way.

I did all I could to chase her no matter how heavy my legs felt and how the crowded hall seemed to be closing in on me. I kept calling her name and begged for her to stop running away from me. For someone who had been sick and pregnant, she sure was fast, and I soon realised I was already too drunk and was moving too slow.

Her shoulders kept shaking and I knew without a doubt that she was not only fuming, but was also sobbing as she kept pressing on the button on the elevator. I nearly breathed a sigh of relief when I finally reached her before there was any sign of the elevator coming to the floor.

“Will you please stop and listen—” I desperately begged her as I reached for arms, pulling her away towards me and making her face me.

But the moment I saw her eyes once again, seeing her breaking apart right before my eyes, I felt like my heart was being pulled away from inside my chest.

What have I done? Why do I keep hurting her like this?

“Oh my God. _____, I’m so sorry—,” I choked, hoping for dear life that she could see that I meant it.

“Sorry? Sorry for what? For being caught?” she literally screamed at me while sobbing. I could only stand there, unmoving, as she started to hit me on my chest, again and again. I had let her. I wanted her to hurt me, to give me pain. Just as long as I could take away hers, then I would take everything she gave me.

“Fuck you, Jungkook,” she suddenly screamed once again, pushing me away that I fell a few steps back away from her. A few steps too far. “I trusted you. You never loved me, you liar!”

Stunned at her power and at the pain I felt from her words, I was not ready when she suddenly turned to run towards the stairway.

When I finally realised that she was slipping away from my reach again, I pushed forward to catch up to her, all while screaming and begging, “—I never lied to you. Please stop running, you will hurt yourself and the baby—”

But she would not listen. She just kept running, moving so quick to run through the door and reached for the stairs. Fear immediately stroke me deep in my chest when I realised that the moment I let her go, I would lose her forever, so I used all the energy I had left to finally snatch her arm and hold her tight, stopping her from running downstairs and tried to pull her to me.

“Please, _____. I beg you, please wait and listen—”

“No! Let me go!” she screamed as she fought me back, pushing me away. This time, I was ready and my legs were strong enough to keep me from falling back.

But I failed to remember that she was smaller than me, and much weaker, especially with her pregnancy putting a toll on her body. So while my body never budged as I stood strong the landing, her body was propelled away from me instead, and I was too slow to see it when her legs lost their footing.

“No!” I tried to grab ahold of her again when she started to fall back.

But I was too late. Too damn late and too damn slow.

As I watched helplessly at gravity pulling my love away from my reach, I felt my soul being ripped apart with each scream, each loud thud that followed her fall.

And there was nothing else I could do to fight it when I felt all that was left of me slowly died.

—First Life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2026—

“I’m so sorry.”

Her voice broke out just as her face fell. There were no tears as she looked away, but I could still see the pain, the anger, every broken piece of her soul were all written in her eyes that I knew how much effort she was making just not to cry. She looked so small and fragile under the hospital gown, surrounded by tubes and all the hospital tools to support her healing. And with her shaking hands covering the remaining small bump on her stomach that would soon disappear, she looked completely defeated and lost, all the brightness in her eyes that had been filled with hope for the past three months had been replaced with complete agony.

I hated seeing her this way. I hated witnessing her breaking apart right before my eyes. And I hated feeling powerless because I could not take any of her pain away or make things better for her.

So I did the only thing I knew I could do.

Reaching out to her, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I buried my face on her hair while I let her bury her own on my chest. It was an effort I had to make, not only to give any semblance of comfort for my broken wife, but also to stop myself from looking at the white walls around us that had become too familiar and too suffocating to be in.

Caressing her hair and her back gently, I murmured softly to her, “Everything is going to be alright, sweetheart.” And I could feel her first sob as she finally broke down to tears in my arms.

“Sshh—we’re going to be alright. It’s okay,” I kept telling her, although a part of me felt like I was trying to console myself more than I did her. Quickly noticing that I was completely doing an unsuccessful job at it when doubt sneakily crept in.

Are we really going to be okay, though? I started questioning myself even as I held her tight and kept whispering words to console her, to let her release all her pain to me. How many times have I said those exact same words?

Do I even believe every word of it still?

While I was questioning my own feelings and giving in to doubts, completely unsure of what I was supposed to do to actually make it so everything would be alright, she was holding on to me so tight with her hands clutching desperately on my back as if I was the last piece of thread holding her together. All while completely careless of the needles that were still attached to her arms. Perhaps the pain on her skin was nothing compared to what she felt, I figured. So I just stayed still in her arms and held her tighter.

“It’s okay, baby,” I kept whispering to her as she was sobbing and shaking in my hold. “It will be okay.”

I had no idea if any of those words had actually worked at all in consoling her. All I knew was that they failed in consoling me.

As minutes passed by, I felt her slowly calming down. Relief swarmed all over me as I felt her slowly loosening her hold and started falling asleep. Not for knowing that she would finally be okay, but because I could finally stop pretending to be strong for her. Although none of it seemed to matter in the end as I laid her gently back onto the hospital bed. All that mattered was that the only apprehension I could find was knowing that the more she cried, the more resolved she became, the more I became numb.

I left my wife at the hospital after she had fallen asleep.

The doctors wanted her to stay for the night for further observation. Not that I had no clue of what was to come next—doctor’s observations, physical recovery, therapy, complete bedrest until her mind and body would heal from the pregnancy loss, and many sleepless nights with tears and consoling until life returned to how it used to be before the failed pregnancy, then weeks came months until we started planning again.

It had always been the same. And so far, nothing yet had changed.

Once I had made sure that she would be in good care of the hospital, I decided to leave for the office. Although I had to face a little obstacle before I could even step out of the room.

Right as I was making my way out the door, my parents had arrived. My mother rushed quickly to be on her side, forever caring for her beloved daughter-in-law while my father pulled me aside. The disapproval on his face when I told him that I had to leave her was not lost.

“If only you had chosen to work with me and your brother, then you wouldn’t have to leave. Hell, perhaps none of this would have happened in the first place. Had you been leading the company with me, you would have had more liberty in arranging your working hours and work with your own rules instead of having to live under somebody else’s bidding,” my father sneered at me without even bothering to lower his voice down. It was good enough that we were still inside the room instead of out in the hallway where other people could hear his words or see me getting scrutinised so openly. The scoffing that came at the mention of the people I was working for made me flinch that I started to wish the ground could swallow me whole, and he was far from done.

“You wouldn’t be leaving her alone when she needs you the most. Better yet, I would’ve given you and your wife all the time you need to recuperate, take a vacation or another honeymoon if you so wish for it, and you could’ve spent more time focusing on building your family instead of sacrificing everything and wasting your time for a meaningless career under that insufferable piece of ass you are working for.”

It had been no secret at all that my father had no love for my employers. Not only due to the fact that I had chosen to be against his side, refusing to work alongside my family and fulfilling my father’s dream of being able to run his company with his two sons, but the people I worked for had also been a competitor. He had been treating me like a failure since, an utter disappointment for not following his lead. Or, in his own true words, a coward.

But he would never understand.

No matter what I did, I could never be good enough in his eyes. Not when he would constantly compare me with my older brother. My brother, who was a better student all through his life, a better businessman, a better family man, the better son. He had even taken on the role of my wife’s brother so perfectly when her own older sibling had chosen to disown her the day she chose to be with me instead of with her family.

“Look, Dad. It’s not that I don’t want to be here, alright?” I tried talking to my father, cutting him off mid-speech before he continued to rant more nonsense that I had heard too many times before. “I only have one online conference, just this one. This is really important for me and my future with _____, I can’t cancel it last minute. It’s not like we had planned to be in this hospital or to have her collapse this morning when I made the schedule.”

My father’s face hardened and it was clear that he still had a lot more to add. But I steered away from him, avoiding his glare and his impending rage, taking one last look at my mother holding my sleeping wife’s hand before I finally stepped out of the room.

“How is everything?” Minhyuk’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I was still lost in reminiscing everything that had happened earlier today that I had not noticed him entering my office. I have been drowning myself in silence since I got here. Everyone seemed to steer clear from my path when they all found out what had happened. Eyes filled with pity followed me as I walked past, until I shut the door to my office to shelter me from their judgemental looks.

“You know, you didn’t have to be here today. You should be with your wife. It’s not like there’s anything important for you to do here anyway, with the conference call and the board meeting all being cancelled until next Monday.”

My jaw twitched and I looked away to hide the shame and guilt in my face that I knew without a doubt was there. Of course, I knew that the entire schedules I had for today had been cancelled when I talked about them to my father before I left. But he didn’t have to know that.

“My family is there with her,” I told him as I kept my eyes down on my desk, right when the thought of my brother came to mind. There was no doubt that he was possibly there with my parents too already, tending his ‘little sister’ in my place. “I just—thought I should put my attention elsewhere so I won’t stress too much. Perhaps finish some work while I’m at it so I could have my whole weekend nursing her with no interruption.”

Lies. More lies. Although a part of it was true. I needed a distraction.

“Right,” Minhyuk hummed, and for a second there I thought I saw confusion mixed with disbelief in his eyes when I looked at him. “Well, if you need anything, I’m here to talk, alright? Don’t keep it bottled up inside, you have to be strong for her. I’ll come by to visit you guys once she’s returned home.”

I only nodded, pressing down the irritation that was building up due to his words. “Yeah, thanks, man,” I said to him and watched as he walked out the door, closing it behind him to shut me off from the world outside again.

Once I was left alone and the silence returned, I closed my laptop and stood from my chair. Walking off towards the corner of my small private office, I reached for the bottles of liquor that I had stored in my drawers, pouring myself some scotch. With a glass in my hand, I looked out the window, once again letting my sorrow took over.

Minhyuk was right in a way when he said about me bottling things up inside. There were many reasons why I could not stay with her at the hospital. Why I had to get away.

It was too overwhelming for me to stay there. To pretend to be strong for her when I knew I could never. And I had to go before I did or say something I would forever regret. Because where there was sadness in her, for me it was anger.

The anger of the life we had. Anger for having our hopes crushed. Angry at myself. Perhaps I should be angry at her for not being able to conceive or to carry a baby inside her for more than three months. But I could never blame her. Not when each time the rage came through me for all the pain we went through, I was quick to feel guilt. Shame. And I started blaming myself.

Because each time we ended where we were, with her being sent to the hospital to have our baby once again taken away, I would always be reminded of that day.

The day everything fell apart.

The day I ruined her, ruined us, and when what should have been a part of our future was taken away because of my own doing. My own stupidity.

Guilt because of what I did.

Shame because of what I felt.

This was something that I had kept to myself for years and swore that it would be forever buried in my memory. Because if she ever found out, she would never have forgiven me. She would hate me forever for the truth. That was why I had to go. Because I could not let her know. I could not let her see that part of me, knowing that she would never look at me the same again if only I had told her the truth about what I felt the day we lost our first unborn child.

I could never let her know. While at the same time, I could not even know how even if I wanted to.

How could I tell her when all the despair I felt back then was only there because I saw her being hurt and had to endure so much pain? How could I let her know that whenever she cried over our unborn child, there was no sadness on my part or pain of losing the baby?

She could never know that instead of regret and pain, all I felt for the loss then was relief.

What kind of man was I then? And what kind of man was I now, when I kept trying to excuse myself for what I felt even after years had passed? I was relieved to have lost our first child because I had thought we could make a brand new start with it being gone. That we could erase that painful page of our lives and move on. I never wanted that child to exist when neither of us was ready, but I never wanted to lose her, no matter what.

What kind of man did that make me to put her in so much turmoil just because I refused to let her go?

This was the reason why I blamed myself now each time we lost another pregnancy. This had to be my punishment. A punishment that I deserved for loving her with so much greed. For denying our unborn child’s birthright and for causing the loss in the first place.

Every guilt and shame I felt had been haunting me for years. They even came to me in my sleep, filling my nights with nightmares of what I had done and all the things that might happen with ghosts of the past lurking over my shoulder. They came to me in blurred memories, sometimes as vivid as if I was watching past events all over again. But sometimes they were blurry images of wreckages and disasters that seemed to represent our lives.

I had no idea how to stop them. I had no idea how to deal with this guilt inside me. And I know there was no way I could stop feeling this way, this powerless, as long as the guilt stayed strong with me.

How could I fight off her nightmares when I could not handle my own?

A knock on the door broke my thoughts. It was soon opened even before I had a chance to respond, revealing my new secretary from the other side of the door. I should probably address this with her soon, the terrible little habit of hers of barging into my office before I had ever given her permission to.

Song Lena, the new secretary that my boss had recently appointed for me. I had no need for a personal secretary at first, but after being promoted to having my own personal quarter, he insisted that I would need the help. I would have welcomed the good intention if only she didn’t make me feel uncomfortable every time she was around.

There was something about her that made me uneasy when she was in the same room as I was. Perhaps it was the way she looked at me, with her eyes that were always wide and round as she followed all my movements, stalking me with her gaze whenever I was close by then looked at me with something that semblance of hope when I returned her attention. Or perhaps the way she would always become flustered when I talked to her, and how her skin would blush when she talked to me. Maybe it was the way she dressed, with her hair always put up in a bun and her blouse that seemed too tight on her or the way her buttons would hang too low. Or probably the skirt that she wore, one that screamed a classic librarian look yet snugged her curves just enough to make other males look over when she passed.

My close coworkers could not understand when I talked about this with them. Although I could not exactly explain to them the reason for my discomfort to her presence. They could never understand that when they saw a meek, small woman who was capable to do her work for me, all I saw was trouble.

Looking at her silently slipping through the door, I could sense that trouble coming closer. And it was the last thing I needed at a time like this. I said nothing to her until she looked up, looking like a deer in the headlights when she met my gaze.

“Is everything alright, Sir?” she suddenly asked me out of nowhere.

Why do people keep asking me these things?

I had grown tired of it. Tired of people trying to meddle with my life, trying to look into my mind. Tired of people looking at me and wondering what was wrong with me. Because nothing was wrong and yet everything was completely wrong at the same time. And no matter what I said, I could never truly feel that everything was going to be alright.

And why her, of all people?

“You haven’t left the room all day, Sir. And I was wondering—”

“Everything’s fine,” I intentionally snapped. What was her deal anyway? What was she after by sneaking into my office and asking me things about what she had no relevance to? “Is there anything you need, Miss Song?”

I looked straight into her eyes until she grew uncomfortable and avoided my gaze. Surprising, to say the least, when normally her gaze would be plastered all over me.

“If there’s anything else you need—”

“What I need to do is finish my work for the day so I could go back to my wife,” I cut her off, wanting her to just leave already. “What I need you to do is let me be in my peace and make sure that there will be no more distractions coming my way. Hold all calls and move any appointment I might have for the rest of the afternoon. I will handle them all once I get back on Monday. No more interruption until I leave the office.”

Especially from you.

“Yes, Sir,” she muttered softly, bowing slightly before she scurried out of the room.

Tossing down the rest of my drink, I returned to my desk, swallowing the bitterness down my throat. I left because I needed to find peace. Yet it turned out that even my office could no longer bring me the solace I was looking for. Having no work to do, I gathered all my things and prepared to leave, to look for another place where I could cure my sorrow before I could go home to my wife.

A blood-curdling scream filled my head.

And then blood filled my vision. Lots of blood.

I could hear myself screaming, along with my ragged breath, but everything seemed so far away. Even the noises I was making seemed like none of it was coming from me.

But I could still hear myself screaming, pleading—

No. No, please!

As if I already knew what was about to happen, my hands were clutched to my sides and my body was hard and ready. Although I truly had no idea what I was getting ready for.

And then I saw her.

She was standing so beautifully in the distance, right at the center of the room. I had no recollection of where we were but nothing of it mattered. All that mattered was that every light in the room seemed to fall on her. Her presence pulled me in, urging me to reach her, to come closer so I could hold her.

And I did.

I started walking towards her, legs moving on firm footsteps and determination to reach to her side. Yet for some reason, she seemed too far for me to reach. And no matter how far I have walked, I was still getting nowhere closer.

“____?” I called her, my voice sounded muffled when it came out, as if the air had been taken out of my body. She kept her face looking down the whole time, her hands clutching to one another. I called her again as I kept moving closer. Once, twice, then shouted her name louder for her to hear me. “_____!”

That was when she finally raised her face. And all I saw was tears.

“Why, Jungkook?” I heard her say. “I thought you said you loved me.”

I do, I do love you, I tried to speak but nothing came out.

“Why, Jungkook?” She asked me again and her sadness slowly turned to rage. “You liar!”

My heart stopped when she turned away. Wait, I wanted to scream when she started running away from me. No, please don’t go. Please don’t run from me. I heard myself begging her, but still, no sound would come out of my mouth. My legs felt heavy like lead the more I tried to move faster as I came after her, while she kept getting further and further away.

“Please stop, why are you running away from me?”

Then she suddenly stopped and turned to face me. Her tears kept on flowing down like a river on her beautiful face and all I wanted to do was to pull her closer and hold her tight to make it stop. To make this pain in my chest to stop.

“I’m so sorry, ______. I’m so sorry,” I heard myself speak. Why am I asking for forgiveness? What did I do?

She started shaking her head and said to me with soft sobs, “It’s your fault, Jungkook. It’s all your fault.”

Then everything that came next happened so fast. The ground beneath her collapsed and there was nothing I could do to stop it when I watched her fall down towards the darkness, as if the ground itself had pulled her with its fall. All I could do was cry for her name as I watched her fall out of my reach, and felt my knees buckling beneath me as I heard it. The sound of blood-curdling scream echoing around me, the sound of broken glasses and metals filled my head that I cringed and had to cover my head and ears, then I opened my eyes to see the ground turning red with blood.

“No, stop,” my whole body started shaking as I pushed away from there. “No, please stop.”

I was completely shaking when I was pulled awake. My chest felt tight and I found it hard to breathe. Sweat covered my whole body that my shirt, the covers on top of me and the sheets beneath me were all plastered on my skin. My heart was racing inside my chest with the image from my dream still vivid in my head as I opened my eyes to the darkness of my room. I had to blink my eyes many times before I could look around without fearing that the images would return to me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

I nearly jumped when I heard my wife’s sleepy voice coming from beside me, but slightly relaxed when her hand rested on my chest. My breath still felt heavy and my throat felt so dry that I found it hard to answer. But as I turned to her, looking down to see her wide eyes staring up with a deeply concerned look in them, I finally started to calm down. Reaching out to hold her hand that was pressing on my chest, I took in her beautiful sight. She was right here. She was alright. Then I could finally breathe.

“It’s nothing,” I told her, kissing her forehead to feel her presence.

“Are you sure?”

Exhaling a breath, I could only whisper without looking into her eyes. “Yeah, it’s just—probably stress because I had been really tired today. Let me just get a glass of drink and come back, alright?”

She said nothing and only nodded, and I gave her a smile before stepping out of the bed.

The house was dark when I went down the stairs. Turning up only the lights in the kitchen, I went straight to the fridge for the needed cold drink. And then I just sat there, right at the kitchen island, looking out towards the darkness that I could see around me.

The house was quiet, with only the two of us present at night. But it seemed even more hollow as I sat there, wallowing on the weight that was still present in my chest as I started to picture everything we had imagined when we first got married.

We had huge plans when we first bought this house. With lots of children growing around us, with joy and laughter filling our lives. But years later, and here we were, here I was, questioning myself if there was any way to change the silence that felt so thick in the air with our dreams dying. If there was anything I could do to make things better.

How long would this pain be a part of our lives?

How long was I going to feel this guilt and to have these dreams haunt my sleep?

How long was I going to have to face all this punishment?

I looked down, closing my eyes as I pulled on my messy hair. If only I could change the past, then I would, I thought to myself, admitting defeat. If only I could return to that day and change it all, perhaps our lives would be much different now.

I have given everything to change and try to make that change in our lives ever since I was given a second chance with her. But there would always be one thing that I could not change, no matter what I did. And I was going to live with it forever.

I could not remember exactly when I started to drink so often.

I knew that drinking would never solve my problems or ease the sorrow I was feeling inside me, but at least it was able to help me sleep better. The more I drank, the less I dreamt. And that was enough for me. I have had enough of the nightmares, the cryptic images I saw in my dreams.

I had grown restless with the lack of peaceful sleep and it was starting to take a toll on me. I could not work properly and I kept getting too emotional too easily. It did not help that looking at my wife would remind me of the images I saw in those dreams that sometimes I became angry at her. We had fights and arguments, none of them was ever big enough but was still irritating for me to deal with after spending long hours at work.

That was when I started to look for any means of escape.

It all started by drinking on my own at home. But then when my wife started questioning me of my new habit and I started seeing the concerned look in her eyes when she did, so I started to find a way to drink away from home to avoid them every Friday night. Then what had started as once a week of habit became twice, then it became even more often as my friends started asking me out to join them on different occasions.

The more time I spent being out, the more I came home too drunk and too tired to talk, the more we fought.

She hated seeing me that way. She would always wait for me until I returned home, no matter how late I would be. She would never talk about it as she helped me get to bed, nor when she nursed my terrible hangovers the next morning, but she would never be silent when the time was right for her to talk about it. And each time the intervention started, the conversation would only lead to another verbal fight. Until one day, she just grew tired of it and I kept finding ways to dodge the confrontation that she stopped trying, then we just stopped talking altogether.

The distance that was growing between us was hard to ignore, but I just let it happen. She would never understand anyway, I kept telling myself whenever I saw the pain in her eyes when she saw me at my lowest. Nobody could.

It was on a Wednesday night when I went to a bar downtown. It was a fancy new place that I was not too familiar with, located further away from the one I frequently went to. But I was invited by an old friend, someone who was there before my life became what it was, someone who knew me in a much different light.

I had agreed to meet him there when I was reluctant to come home early, after having a small argument with my wife the night before. Hoping that perhaps a little time away and a few drinks might help loosen the tension in my body before coming home to her. A part of me also hoped that meeting up with him would help remind me of the good times and help me forget about everything that was unpleasant back home.

“Remember back then, when everything seemed so easy?” Eunwoo asked me after a few rounds of drink and an hour long of catching up with our lives. “All we did then was party every night, tossed drinks here and there and woke up with hangovers that we had to hide them with sunglasses during those morning classes with Professor Lim.”

I could not help but laugh at the memories. “Everything was so simple then,” I muttered. So simple, yet it all turned so complicated the moment you looked away.

“Yeah,” Eunwoo sighed, drinking his booze down to the last drop, looking so deep in his thoughts as he placed the glass down. “I wonder where things got so wrong.”

I let out a scoff. “Too many things at the same time. We got older, we made bad decisions, forgetting how to have fun when we’re busy chasing for wealth and careers instead of the things we dreamed about having back in college. Then we start creating more problems to fix all the problems we have created along the way.”

My rant was welcomed by silence at first, then I turned to see Eunwoo gawking at me before he laughed. “How drunk are you, man?” he snickered and patted my back. “Why are you turning into the one sulking and being so deep and mellow for?” He suddenly became bitter and turned to his drink. “You’ve had your chance of wallowing in sorrow for months already. I’m the one who had just gotten a divorce today, so it’s now my chance to dwell on my sorrow. You’re only here to listen to me sulk while drowning myself in alcohol.”

Shaking my head, I took my turn to pat him on his back. “No, man. I’m here to make sure you come out of this place in one piece.”

That sure drew a smile on his face. He glanced at me and shook his head. “Let’s see who’s going to do a better job at it by the end of the night, shall we?” he challenged me then, before waving at the bartender to refill our drinks.

We fell into another round of drink and a long aimless talk before Eunwoo looked bored and glanced around, his eyes falling to another table just across the room which was occupied by two unfamiliar ladies. We must have been so engrossed in our talk that I had not been paying much attention to our surroundings, the place had grown more crowded now that it was getting late, but Eunwoo’s eyes seemed to unable to look away once they fell on that certain table.

I followed his eyes after noticing that he had his full attention on them, suddenly getting more interested to know how they managed to catch my intoxicated companion’s eyes. The first one I noticed was the one sitting facing us. Even while sitting down, I could tell that she had the body height of a model. She was wearing a crop top and something that looked like a mini skirt from the angle I was seeing her in. And it was clear that my friend’s eyes were plastered completely on her when he spoke with a grin,

“Do you think they would welcome us to join them if we buy them a drink?”

There was a feeling and also a thought nagging me at the back of my head, something that kept telling me that I may not like where this was headed. But I pushed them aside and asked anyway, “What are you thinking?”

Eunwoo took another glance at the woman before turning to me. “Remember back then when we went to those frat parties? You always did a good job of being my wingman. I probably wouldn’t have had any chance with the girls I hooked up with if it wasn’t for you,” he said with glassy wide eyes. I had no idea whether the look in his eyes came from reminiscing the old time we spent together or that he was already so drunk. “As this is the first night I am officially back into the market, don’t you think I should start practising on my skills with single ladies?”

I could not resist the urge to scoff. “What makes you think they are single?”

He only shrugged and glanced their way again. “I don’t know. I’ve been watching them and pretty sure I haven’t seen any dudes joining their table,” he said with conviction, then looked deep into my eyes with his signature pleading gaze. The look that had me agreeing to him so many times before when we were back in college. “The tall one seems nice. She looks exactly my type, don’t you think?”

Shaking my head, I only chuckled at him. “You mean looking like your ex?”

“Shove it,” he scowled, yet the wicked smile on his face remained. “The other one reminds me of that red haired chick who kept following you around and clinging onto your arm the whole time before you met your wife. What was her name?”

I looked over to the pair, finally noticing the other woman who was sitting there with her back on us. I never paid her much attention when I glanced their way before. But even as I looked at her now, all I saw was her long, wavy hair and her fair skin. My mind flew to the past instead of taking the sight of the one I was looking at, suddenly reminded of the girl he was talking about. It took me a moment before I finally remembered her name. “Minhee?” I asked him with a grimace. None of the memory I had with her was pleasing enough to remember.

My reaction drew a chuckle from my friend. “Yeah, that one. That was one weird chick,” he said, snickering a little before hiding his own grimace by downing his drink. He placed his empty glass with a loud tap on the table and said, “You can take the small one while I go for the tall friend.”

“I’m not taking anyone, you wuss. Unlike you, I am still very much a married man,” I goaded with a grin while wiggling my fingers on his face, forcing him to look at my shiny wedding ring.

“Pfft—I’m not insinuating anything, you prick,” he scoffed as he pushed me away. “Just talk to her so I could get closer to her friend.” Patting my back a few times, he took the bottle of scotch we managed to get from the bar and his empty glass with him and started walking towards their table, looking over his shoulder briefly to make sure I was coming. “Come on already so we can get you home to your wife once I’m done.”

Reluctantly, I finally pushed myself off the bar and followed behind him with my drink in hand. I never noticed how tipsy I was getting until I started staggering on my feet right as I began to walk. I truly had no idea why Eunwoo compared this woman with that annoying ex-fling of mine back in college. Perhaps it was the colour of her hair, that look fiery red under the warm lights, or the way she was swaying left to right on her seat to enjoy the music coming from the speakers. But as I finally had gotten closer, waiting for Eunwoo to make his move of getting the invitation he so desperately wanted, I finally took a better look at her and understood why.

I recognised her before she even noticed me standing right by her side. The usual carelessly buttoned-up blouse and the librarian skirt had been replaced with a tight strapless dress wrapping her small body. Her hair that was usually pulled up in a bun had been let loose on her back, looking thick and wavy against her skin. The black kitten heels she normally wore had been replaced by a pair of stilettos that made her legs curve differently.

As Eunwoo took his place next to her friend, she finally looked up to me with no expectation whatsoever. Until her eyes turned wide as she took me in.

“M-Mr. Jeon,” she gasped, definitely never expecting to see me there, trying to take the empty seat beside her.

All I did was nod, then forced myself to smile as I greeted her timidly. “Evening, Miss Song Lena.”

I had no idea if it was because I was too drunk to notice, or if being in this place made such a difference, but I found myself not minding my secretary’s presence at all. In fact, we seemed to have been having such a pleasant time talking and laughing, and cheering with our drinks.

After some point, once I could even barely ignore the way everything around me was turning blurry and started spinning, Eunwoo and his new lady friend had already been gone from our table and Lena started to move much closer. Too close for comfort perhaps, if only it had happened while I was sober. But I could no longer care about it. After such a long time of living in darkness, I was finally having fun. And the woman now clinging to my arm with her chest pressed against my skin was the least of my concern. I was no longer reminded of the pain and was starting to forget the reason why I was here in the first place.

Reaching for the bottle Eunwoo had left behind with only a small amount of drink left in it, I started to refill my glass, wanting to wash away the bitterness that suddenly started to creep in. But before I could have my fill, a small hand reached for mine to stop me.

“Mr. Jeon, I really think—”

Placing my other hand to cover her small one, I looked down on her face. The wide grin on my own face seemed to refuse to go away as I spoke to her. “Please, don’t call me that. We’re not at the office now, are we? Call me Jungkook.”

“Jungkook,” she tried it out, smiling just as wide and looking just as drunk as myself. “I really think you’ve had enough drink, Jungkook. You’re really drunk. Perhaps you should tone it down a little or perhaps we should get you home.”

Home.

My heart jumped for a brief moment at the mention of my home. My smile instantly faded and I felt terribly bitter as I was reminded of what was waiting for me if I should come home now. My memory was filled with the arguments my wife and I had the night before, the one that had me avoiding to see her tonight for regretting everything I had said to her. I had started to forget it all; all the pain that refused to recede from my chest no matter how hard I kept trying to replace it with anger, the hurt I felt when I saw the hurt in her eyes. I just wanted to erase everything from my memory and erase this pain.

“No, I don’t need to stop,” I muttered, shaking my head intently while I tried to push away the storm in my head, the overflowing emotion rising in my chest when I thought of her. “I need to forget.”

“About what?” Lena asked me. I could not remember how we had gotten so much closer that I could not only see the frown on her face, but also the freckles on her skin. I just wanted to drown myself in her warmth that had been enveloping me—mostly my arm that had been in her clutched hold for the past hour—and in her scent that was much different to the sweetness of my wife’s that I had grown used to for years.

I had no idea how I had gotten so close to her until I felt the tip of her nose grazing mine. And I felt her warm breath fanning my lips as I descended even much closer to her.

“Everything,” I murmured, keeping my eyes looking at her lips as I pleaded, “Please help me forget.”

She said nothing more as I covered her lips in mine, erasing every thought in my head with a searing kiss on her red lips.

After weeks of getting myself almost constantly intoxicated, waking up with a pounding headache would have been something that to be expected when I opened my eyes.

But as I found myself slowly waking up in such a state that morning, there was something about this one that felt wrong.

As I tried to pull my heavy eyelids open, I found it hard to remember how long I have fallen asleep or if I have slept at all. It felt like I only had passed out briefly, because the haziness was still there and my whole body was far from recovering from the alcohol I had been drinking all night. And I could still remember that I had drunk a lot.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to push away this heaviness that kept me under, only to have my body falling frozen and my heart pacing to a rapid beat.

What the fuck?

Fear engulfed me like never before when my senses slowly came to life. Because as my body moved, I felt nothing covering my skin aside to the covers on top of me. Then when I took a whiff of the air around me, the usual scent that enveloped me—the sweetness that belonged to my wife and had always been a part of our home—was not there. Instead, there was a completely different scent that filled my senses, a strong floral perfume that my wife had never worn before. And a different softness of hair that was lying over my bare arm.

Please tell me that this is just another dream. A different kind of dream.

I cursed and pleaded as I forced my eyes open, only to feel dread coming all over me with what I had found. I finally understood why everything felt so different compared to my usual mornings. The room where I was in was not the one I had in my home, nor was I on my own bed. And I already knew before I turned to look that whoever lying next to me with her hair falling on my skin was not her.

The red hair that had turned into a tussled mess around me was the first thing I saw as I looked down. Then I saw her, the small woman who was lying sideways with her back facing me, the covers covering her body that was presumably just as naked as I was.

My heartbeat kept on racing as everything started to come back to me piece by piece. Everything I saw in my head was still foggy and I could only remember parts of it. But those were the only parts that mattered.

I remembered kissing her red lips, then hearing her husky voice asking me if I was ready to leave. I remembered leaning on her as she guided me to a black car that was not mine. A Black Uber, perhaps, the kind of ride that I would usually call for to drive me home after I had been out drinking. And then more kisses continued, fingers clawing on my clothes, hands flailing and touching everywhere before I fell back onto this bed.

Then more parts of the forgotten memory kept coming back. The image of her underneath my body, of me being on top of her, then the image of me being inside her. And I remembered thinking I was looking deep into my wife’s eyes instead of the same sultry gaze that had been stalking me for days at work.

Just when I was reminded of her touch on my body and the way our bodies united in my blurred memory, my stomach started to churn and I felt the urge to barf.

Holding my breath, I tried to move as subtle as I possibly could to slide off the bed. Thankful for the fact that she was not sleeping on top of me while cursing for not knowing whether or not she was a light sleeper. Perhaps she was just as intoxicated as I was or if I had somehow left her extremely exhausted that I managed to escape unscathed. And thank God that I made it straight to the bathroom without waking her up, because I barely managed to reach for the toilet before I could spill out all the contents from my stomach.

I was then left heaving on the floor with shame. It took me a while to gather myself, then quickly cleaned the mess I made before pushing myself off from the floor. After washing off my face, I stood there right in front of the mirror. My hands were still shaking as I leaned on the washbasin and took a look at my own reflection. I nearly crumbled down when I found the person looking back at me was someone I could barely recognise.

The red bloodshot eyes I sported were rimmed with fear and regret. My whole face was swollen after throwing up and for drinking so much, and my hair was a tangled mess. I took a quick look all over my skin and other visible parts of my body, looking for any marks that she might have left behind as proof of my infidelity. Yet even after I found my skin still intact and clear of any marks or wound, there was no possible way for me to say the same thing about what I was feeling deep inside.

Somewhere inside my chest, I was nothing but a cluttered mess. Broken and wounded pieces under the thick skin that covered the darkness of my soul. I knew right then that on my way of hiding myself from guilt, I had trapped myself in a different kind of sin.

“What have I done?”

Right after I managed to pull myself together, I immediately gathered my belongings and left the hotel room. Moving so quick without taking another glance at the woman still sleeping soundly on the messy estranged bed. I was fortunate enough to have been awakened at dawn, that I was able to reach home when the sky was still dark and I still had hours before my wife would wake up.

The house was as quiet and still as dark as ever when I walked past the front door. It had me making a lot of effort to not create any noise to break the silence while still carrying the remnants of my hangover. I looked around the empty living room, exhaling a relief sigh when there was no hint of my wife waiting up for me there last night.

Yet the thought of her waiting for me to return home, while I had ended up elsewhere, brought back the feeling of guilt in my chest that I stopped myself from walking up the stairs. Looking up from the bottom of the main stairwell, I felt an invisible weight anchoring me down from stepping up.

The crippling doubt made me question myself—

Am I even still worthy of going up there to our bedroom? Wouldn’t it be so wrong of me to join her in bed, on our bed, after sharing one with another woman?

Running my shaking hands through my hair, I started to back away from the stairs. Feeling unworthy of being anywhere close to the woman who I had vowed my life and my love to when I could still feel the touch of another all over my body. So instead of going back to her, I went to the guest bathroom downstairs, taking my time to wash and scrub off my skin, even if I had done just the same before I had left the hotel. Carrying the soiled clothes I came home with, I went to the laundry room, tossed everything into the hamper and put on a clean shirt and a pair of sweatpants that I could find, then went to my home-office after popping a few hangover pills. Choking up the tears that were threatening to fall, I lied down on the couch to sleep off the rest of my hangover, all while wishing that this nightmare would end the moment I opened my eyes.

The sun was peeking through the windows, carrying its warmth on me when I was gently nudged awake.

I was relieved to find the headache was long gone. And despite still feeling slightly foggy, I was able to blink away the tiredness in my eyes and slowly came to wake. Her face was the first thing I saw, hovering on top of me with a small smile. I swallowed hard to press down the guilt at the worried look in her eyes and the small frown forming between her brows.

“Morning,” my wife greeted me. I felt her hands brushing my messy hair, entangling the curls while feeling my warm skin with her soft palm.

“Morning,” I rasped out, exhaling a breath and looked away from her. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost eight,” she said. “Have you been here all night? I didn’t hear you coming home.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” I said as I looked at her then stopped myself. Suddenly remembering her habit of waiting up for me, I started to feel worried about slipping out wrong or making a mistake of giving away my last night’s whereabouts. I pushed myself up to sit on the couch with her help and it was then when I noticed the tired bags under her eyes. “You didn’t wait up for me, did you?”

Her lips turned to a small, thin smile and shook her head. “I wanted to, especially cause I wanted to apologise for our last argument. I spent the whole afternoon working and met up with your Mom, then came home extremely exhausted. The new meds the doctor gave me also made me sleep like a baby right after dinner.”

I had to resist the need for exhaling a relieved sigh at her answer. The thought of her finding out that I had not come home until it was close to morning would only lead to more questions.

Questions I had no answers to.

I kind of hated the meds she was taking, the ones that kept her feeling constantly exhausted that made her all jumpy and emotional. This morning, however, for the first time ever, I felt slightly grateful for its presence, for how it had helped her sleep and missed me coming home. I had no idea what came over me then, as I felt the relief of having her near and the feel of her warmth that I had missed so much, I suddenly reached out to her and hold her in my arms.

I heard her nervous chuckle coming out briefly as I tightened my hold around her body. And I felt so calm when instead of questioning it, she returned my hug instead and released a soft sigh. I slightly pulled away to look at her face, relishing on her comfort and the love in her gaze. That had me lost in a moment of silence and peace, and did nothing at first when she slowly leaned up to kiss my lips.

I felt her soft lips on mine and returned the favour, taking in her sweetness with my own. My eyes fluttered to close when she deepened our kiss, while my hand moved lower to pull her closer to my chest and led her straddling on my lap.

Yet the moment her face disappeared from my sight, another one came to me. Red devilish hair and sinful lips taking over my mind that I suddenly felt disgusted at myself and slowly pushed away.

I opened my eyes to find her confused stare looking at me, making me feel even more guilty and shameful that I had let someone else touched what was hers.

“I, uh—” I sheepishly looked away, hiding my face from her before she could see right through me. “I should probably freshen up first.”

She softly chuckled at me, kissing my jaw and my cheeks before pushing herself off of me. “Okay, I’ll go make breakfast and some strong coffee for you.”

I returned her smile and watched her walk out the door, then held my head tight in my shaking hands. I had managed to escape, though only barely, and the guilt was eating me up inside.

As I remembered the woman who I had left behind, to come home to the woman who my heart and soul truly belonged to, I made a vow to never again allow something like this to happen. I dreaded the thought of having to come back to work and meet my secretary, to face her and no doubt forced to answer why I had left her with no words. But I promised myself that the next time I finally met her, I would put an end to whatever this was before it could ever progress into something more. Something that may harm the life and the marriage that had already been hanging by a thread.

By hook or by crook, I would have to find a proper way to apologise to Song Lena and make her understand that she was a mistake that could never happen ever again.

I was supposed to end it.

That was the promise I made to myself when I left home this morning. Determined to make amends and move on after making her understand that I could never let things be. Then to come home to my wife and fix every single mess I had created before it was too late.

But then, right after a few arguments behind my locked office door and an intense battle against her pleading eyes of hunger, I ended up here, with my pants stripped down to my ankles and my cock enveloped by her sinful red lips.

“Fuck!” I hissed under my breath, not even sure if it was me cursing at myself for losing my sanity or to the pleasure she was giving me.

I kept moving my hips, pumping my hard cock in and out of her hot mouth. I could feel her hollowing her cheeks around my girth, as if she was trying to suck me dry. Her tongue lied flat, each bump triggering every nerve ending as I glided my length back and forth against it with vigour. I felt her hot breath fanning my skin each time I pulled out. I felt her fingers digging into my thighs, and her soft hair that had fallen off of her usual bun had been entangled between my fingers as I fisted them under the haze of lust.

Yet through it all, I kept my eyes closed.

I refused to look at her face as I fucked her mouth. Unwilling to acknowledge that the woman now kneeling on the floor before me with her mouth around my cock was not the same woman I was married to. To erase the dreadful guilt, and the bitterness that had my chest tightened, I replaced her image with the image of my own wife behind my closed eyelids. For a while, it worked, just enough to help let myself go to the pleasure. That was until she pulled back, releasing my cock from her lips with a pop.

Surprised to have her stopping right when I was close to releasing my load down her throat, I opened my eyes, instantly regretting the rude awakening as I saw her face and her swollen lips.

Looking up at me, she reached up to cover my hard cock with her small palm. “Are you sure you want to let this go?” she purred while fisting me slowly. “I can keep a secret. I can be anything you want. I can help you forget whatever it is that you need to erase from your mind. Nobody needs to know.”

Gritting my teeth, I tightened my fist on her hair, making her leaned slightly back with the hard pull, no doubt feeling the pain. I could just let go and push her off of me, then kick her out of my office and be done with her. That was what I supposed to do. But I didn’t. I needed release. So instead, I pulled her head towards me, leading her lips to return to my cock.

“Stop talking and take my cock back in your mouth before I change my mind,” I hissed at her, taking her by surprise that she widened her eyes. She looked terrified for a moment, before she finally gave in and did what I told her to.

I groaned loudly as she expertly swirled her tongue around the head, sucking on it gently before sliding the length of it into her mouth. Staring down at her from between half-closed lids, I watched her take every inch of me until her nose was pressed against my torso. I knew she was trying to tease, to light the fire in me so I would fall to her charms.

But I refused to give her control.

With the hand that was still fisting on her thick red hair, I abruptly pushed her to me and thrust my hips forward, forcing myself to go in deep. I felt her fingers digging deeper into my skin in shock and her muffled cry around my cock, but I was already so deep in her throat that any noise she was making would never come out.

Without giving her a chance to adjust to my cock, I immediately started moving, pumping my cock in and out of her throat. Her hot mouth and tight muscles felt like magic that I could feel myself rising higher and higher to the peak of my release. Once again, I kept my eyes closed. Along with the pleasuring bliss that slowly rising in my body, also came disgust. Disgust at her, at myself for letting this to happen, and at my body that was enjoying everything she was giving me.

The emotional turmoil was quick to rise up into another yet again as I kept fucking her mouth. Anger came to me next, and it led me to fuck her even harder. I kept pumping and thrusting so fast as if I was punishing her. Her muffled cries and the sounds of her gagging around my cock only pushed me further into the undying urge of exploding my cum.

“Swallow everything. Don’t you dare leave out any last drop,” I commanded her when I felt my balls tightening. I could feel every word I gave her filled with hatred and rage, but she was too far gone in her lust to notice that she kept on going, loosening her throat as she continued taking me deep, quickly driving me to the brink of orgasm.

It didn’t take long before I finally shot my whole load down her throat. Biting the insides of my cheeks to hold back from screaming or hollering, knowing that it would be my wife’s name that I screamed out if I had let it go. And once again, she did everything I told her to do, swallowing every drop of cum before she finally released me.

She was left in a heaving mess on the floor when I pulled back, tucking my barely limped dick back into my pants. I turned around when she clumsily pushed herself up, not bothering to help or notice her struggling as I focused on fixing my clothes and then moved to my desk, keeping my back on her. Silence fell between us, before I heard her making a move towards me. But I cut her off from trying.

“You can leave now, Miss Song,” I told her then, not giving her any chance to say anything to me first. I could hear a soft gasp from her and there was no need for me to turn around to see her body stiffening. I could feel her body reacting to my words just as I could feel her gaze on my back. The cold tone I was giving her probably hurt, but that was exactly what I needed her to feel. “I will call you again if I ever have a need for your service,” I gave her the final dismissal while nonchalantly ruffling the papers on my desk, and heard her soft voice in return.

“Yes, Sir. Understood,” she said to me. She made a few shuffling noises behind my back before I heard her small footsteps heading towards the door. The door opening and closing shielded me and my secrets behind her, and my whole facade instantly broke apart.

Gripping the edge of my desk, I bent forward and hung my head low. I could not even comprehend what had just happened and why I had fucking done it. I could not even begin to explain what I felt after all of that and I could not even deny myself that it did make me feel good for a brief moment.

In a way, she did help me forget. But the pleasure was quick to be replaced with sorrow and remorse the moment it all passed.

It was not just another mistake. I was sober, I was sane, and I had let that woman once again soil my skin with her devilish touches. I was going to burn in hell, and I would let my lovely wife light that torch herself to punish me. But before any of it would happen, I might have already gone too deep in this blissful sin and have sold my soul to the devil herself.

All this time, all I needed was to be saved.

Saved from my own mistakes and from making any new ones, saved from the darkness that had begun to ruin the life I had with my wife. The marriage I had treasured so much in the past after fighting for it for so long.

Have I grown tired of fighting? Have I lost my way so far that I had let myself too far gone to be saved now?

Weeks had passed after I had given in to my darkest desire, to open a chance for Song Lena to slip through the seams. She had served perfectly well as a form of my escape. Someone who was capable to provide a place where I could take out all of my anger and the overflowing emotion I had kept bottled in. I could release myself to her and forget for a moment that all the pain and sorrow around me never existed.

But at what price?

What we did could never compare to what I had with my wife. Song Lena was a drug that I used to cure my sorrow but had grown addicted to. At the first few weeks I had let our secret affair to continue, I kept telling myself that it was all she was to me and nothing more. She was never anything more, but I kept finding it hard to make it stop.

Then what had started as a way to cope and hide my demons from the person I loved the most, ended up pushing me far away from her.

I had been keeping a lot of secrets from her for so long but they were nothing compared to this one. This secret had become a new burden I could no longer bear alone. Not when I kept feeling as if she could see right through me.

But it was also this new guilt I carried that was to blame. How could I kiss her when I could still feel another woman’s lips on me? How could I give her the same kind of love she was giving me when I touched another before I returned to her?

How could I touch her and make love to her when I felt terribly soiled and dirty for all that I have done behind her back? I was no longer worthy of her love, of her touch, and I knew I was no longer worthy of having her in my life. But I also knew that it was impossible for me to let her go. I could never imagine living this life without her.

I knew I had to stop it. To stop all the sin, the secret, the affair. I had to before it would be much too late. I could not even look into her eyes without wondering if she knew what I was hiding from her. Every time she looked at me with pain in her eyes, every time I felt how far we were growing apart, I always vowed to make things right for her. Only to have my own addiction to the poison that was Song Lena to come back to me strong.

I needed something stronger to make me stop. I needed to be saved before I fell much deeper into the darkness and lost everything I treasured and loved.

“A wake up call is what you need,” Minhyuk spoke to me one day. “Perhaps it would help stop you from constantly being so broody and looking so morose that you scare people away. Go take a vacation with your wife or something.”

He had noticed that something was wrong with me, as he had done many other times. But he never once questioned what it was. All he did was try to help me find a way to get passed it. I was never quite sure if Minhyuk had ever suspected anything happening between me and my secretary. We had always been discreet, and we never tried to do anything while we were at the office, where there were many eyes looking in. Eyes of the people who knew my wife so well. We barely even shared that many times in the public together either. We would usually meet up at her place, or back at the bar which had started everything.

But I would not look past him to have seen all the signs. Which led to me questioning if anyone else would have known about it.

What if _____ ever found out?

Perhaps a wake up call was what I needed to get out of this hole, I admitted to myself then, not knowing that it would soon come to me in a form that I had never truly expected.

I had long lost track of time. No longer bothered to count the passing days, weeks, or months. It was like I was living without a purpose, simply going where my path was leading me to.

I had arranged to meet Lena at the usual bar that night. The next night after a mild argument with my wife had taken place. It was the only place where I would rarely meet anyone I knew, and it was far enough from home to make sure nobody would see us entering or leaving. At least, that was how I had expected it to be.

We had yet to spend time in that place for long. Perhaps a little over an hour and still sporting our first drink. I had chosen for us the secluded booth at the far end of the bar which would be able to hide us from the crowd or any spying eyes. Only to find out that we were not completely hidden after all.

“Jeon Jungkook. I would say that it was a nice surprise seeing you here, but I’m sure you would understand why I wouldn’t think that it was, won’t you?”

I was in the middle of speaking to Lena, whispering close to her ear, my body leaning towards her with my back facing outside the booth. But there was no need for me to look over to know who it was. His voice itself was just enough to make me feel as if a bucket of ice water had just been thrown at me that I had turned frozen cold in my seat. Lena must have felt the change in me that she looked over with full confusion in her eyes while slowly pushing herself away from me.

“Min Yoongi,” I responded to him, gritting my teeth, before finally turning around. “I must say, you are the last person I would have expected to see at this place.”

“Then I could only say the same,” he bitterly spat at me, his eyes flickering between Lena and me, lingering on her to scrutinise her with his dark eyes.

The look in his eyes was impossible to miss. When he was sending a look filled with disgust towards the woman beside me, his gaze on me was filled with utter disappointment and rage.

To say that the encounter was unpleasant would be the understatement of the year. The silent battle against his judgemental look was already so hard enough to deal with, it was another when he pulled me to the side, knocking some sense out of me by nearly breaking my jaw, before he pulled me by my collar so he could chastise me face to face.

“Do you really think that your wife is that stupid, Jeon Jungkook?” he spat at me, every single word that came out of him was lathered with malice. “I could easily smell all the smoke and alcohol on your body, and that whore’s perfume all over your clothes. Do you think you are too good to get away with it?”

I could feel my face turning pale. A moment of epiphany came through me as I was reminded to our huge argument a few nights ago, when I came home late and drunk and she was there waiting for me the way she always did. But that night, instead of helping me up to bed, all she did was turn her back on me and walked off, before slamming the bedroom door right in front of my face.

Could she have known my secrets then? Could she have scented the perfume that was nothing like hers covering my body when I came home?

A tug on the front of my clothes pulled me back to Yoongi’s hateful stare on me. He was still holding me up by my collars, and I did nothing to fight him. From the many years I have come to know this man before me, following the years when he suddenly built up a close friendship with my wife, I had always known how much he cared for her. So I let him spit out all of his anger at me.

I deserved every blow he was giving me anyway. And so I took it all in without a fight.

“Do you even know what your wife is doing right now? Don’t you even think of her waiting for you to come home, sleeping on the couch every night so she could help your sorry drunk ass to bed? She is the one who is waiting for you at home, she’s the one who has been taking care of you and your things. Do you really think she wouldn’t find out? You better think again because trust me, you would regret it when she finally does.”

I had to swallow hard at the words he had just given me. Am I too late already? Was I already losing her?

Noticing the lack of fight I was giving him, Yoongi finally released me. Or, to be precise, tossed me away with pure disgust on his face. I looked up just as he was starting to walk off, leaving me in my own indiscretion and shaky mess.

Right before he finally left me completely alone and disappeared through the crowd, he added his last word that stung deep inside my chest. “You better get your act together before you lose her. Just don’t come running at me when she finally gains her senses and leaves you.”

I stood there, watching his back getting further away before I could collect myself and recover, only to have lost the need to stay there any longer. So I went back to our booth, pulled Lena away from our seat and out of the club. She kept trying to talk to me throughout the ride, to understand what the hell was going on. But as I had lost the urge to be with her any longer, to be anywhere close to her or to even touch her, I only dropped her off at her place without saying any word at all.

I never even bothered looking back as I sped off from the property, needing to reach home as fast as I could. The sudden need to see my wife and make sure that she was there at home kept me on the edge.

All I wanted at that moment was to find my wife. Hold her tight and never let go. I was never a believer, but I kept praying and hoping that I could prove to Yoongi, and myself, that he was wrong.

Another argument was in commence as I returned to the office the week after.

This time, I had prepared my armour when I summoned Song Lena to my office first thing in the morning, before any of us had any chance to start working.

“You can’t be serious,” she nearly screamed at me.

She had come in here with a wide smile, thinking that she would finally have a chance for a morning quickie after denying her one for so long. Add that with the fact that I have spent the whole week ignoring her advances and neglecting her. She came in with wide hopeful doe eyes that were soon flooded with brimming tears after I had crushed whatever it was she had hoped to gain. At the moment, she was standing right at the other end of my desk, her palms pressing down its top as she leaned forward to yell at my face after her shock had worn off.

For the past week, I had tried to find a way for me to end everything and avoid any other chances of repeating the same mistake in the future. There was no way I could just simply end things between us when she was still working as my personal secretary, so I had arranged for her transfer and for her to be replaced by a temp. Even better, I had requested for a male assistant for a change.

“I am more than serious, Miss Song.” I saw her flinch slightly at the sudden usage of her surname. Signifying that whatever we had in our ‘arrangements’ to be permanently terminated. “Your services and assistance, both in the office and out of work, is no longer needed. And yes, I have arranged for you to be transferred as a replacement for Mrs. Kwon on the upper floor.”

I looked up from the screen of my laptop which I had been paying more attention to, meeting her dejected face with a smile. “Congratulations, you had just gotten yourself a promotion. Wasn’t that what you had been aiming for all along?”

She let out a gasp and stared at me with disbelief. “No! That was never my intention when I said I wanted to be with you,” she whisper-yelled at me. Either she was too emotional to speak normally or that she was still reasonable enough to make sure nobody would hear our arguments. Perhaps it was both, or more so the first because her voice started to tremble when she kept talking, “I was—I have been true and honest and genuine, and I thought you felt it too—”

“You knew what you got yourself into when you came to me, Miss Song. I have never once promised you anything more than what I have given you, haven’t I?” I cut her off before she could finish her sentence, already feeling a bit irritated at the way she was reacting and her implications.

How dare she think I would want more from her? All I did was use her body and all I have done was to leave after a quick fuck to ignore all the bad memories. I had made it clear from the start that those were the only things I needed from her. If she refused to remember or to deny it, then I would gladly remind her.

Seeing that I was never going to entertain her by saying the words she wanted to hear from me, she wiped her tears off her face and glared at me with despise. “You will regret this,” she threatened me with a lowered voice.

The only reaction I gave her was a soft chuckle. Leaning back in my seat, I looked at her straight in the eye, making sure that the words I was about to give her would sink in deep. “The only regret I am feeling right now is for not ending it much sooner,” I told her, never breaking my gaze. “And I will only regret it more if I let this continue and let this hurt my wife in the future.”

She looked at me as if I had just slapped her in the face. Perhaps I just did. Only that I had done it by slapping her with the reality that she had so much tried to ignore. She had known all along that my marriage would always come first. At least, she was supposed to know it.

I knew she would feign innocence through all of this, but it was more than clear that she was not. It was not like she never knew about my wife’s existence. She came in knowing that I was a committed man, with years of marriage which I would never let go of so easily. Perhaps I had taken it all for granted for a moment when she came in stirring my life to a storm, but I was not going to do so any longer.

“You should pack your belongings and get a move on. Mr. Cho has been expecting you. As you already know, it’s going to be Mrs. Kwon’s last week running as Mr. Cho’s secretary after her retirement has been approved, so he would need your further assistance right away,” I told her before she could even recover, forcing her to look up at me again. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want to make our CEO waiting, do you?”

I could tell that she had lost the will to fight. Her shoulder had slumped down and her strong determination had faded off to none. “No, I supposed not,” she softly whispered, turning to leave my office. I could still feel her eyes on me before she finally looked away in defeat, but I already had my eyes looking away, turning my attention back to my work.

I stopped her again just when she was reaching for the door.

“Before you go,” I called for her, waiting until she was looking at me again before I continued, “If you ever speak of anything that had happened in the past few months to anyone, ever, I will make sure that you won’t be having any promising future in this company.”

I could see her jaw twitching, the broken look in her eyes turned to malice. “Is that a threat, Mr. Jeon?”

“No, Miss Song,” I told her, still looking straight into her eyes and spoke firmly. “It is a promise.”

My former secretary was not the only one who was caught by surprise when the news of her transfer had spread out.

Later that day, Mr. Cho himself came by to my office. It was already at the end of the working hour so we decided to have a chat while sharing a bottle of scotch. He came to report the sudden change happening on his floor, noting how nervous and slightly tense my former secretary was when she came to see him. But he did commend her after she finally adjusted to the flow of work under the guidance of Mrs. Kwon.

“Pretty sure she will have it all figured out in no time by how she was quick to follow Mirae’s instructions. You were right, she can really handle things pretty well under pressure,” he told me, looking pleased that my recommendation fitted with his needs. All I gave him was a nod and a shrug that was meant to say ‘I told you so’, choosing to hide my relieved smile by raising my drink to my lips. But then I nearly choked when he teasingly added, “Are you sure you won’t regret letting that sweet little thing go?”

I had to resist the urge to scoff. I covered it with a chuckle instead while shaking my head. “She does have good ethics at work, but she doesn’t have the same outlook of things as I do. She will be missed on this floor, maybe more so with the other staffs who have been much closer to her than I have been.”

My statement had him laughing. “I knew if there is anyone in this building who wouldn’t fall for her charm then it would be you,” he said, patting my back as he spoke. “I get it though. If I had such a beautiful and alluring wife such as yours, I wouldn’t be looking at other women either. You’re a lucky man, Jungkook.”

My breath hitched for hearing what he just said. This time, I covered my flustered state by chugging on my drink and smiled. We continued to talk about the company and other things related to work, but my mind was no longer focused on the present and I was barely listening. Deep inside, fear came building up inside me as I started to wonder if I was running out of luck already, if I had already spoiled the one I treasured most and was letting it slip right out of my hands.

That day I came home early, with the hope that I could take my wife out for dinner. It had been a while since I had taken her out on a date. Even worse, it had been long since we spent any quality time just the two of us. I figured with one problem out of the way, I should start making amends sooner than later.

What better way to start by taking her to the restaurant where I had proposed to her years ago?

Arriving back at home, I noticed the silence welcoming me. I had checked the time and it was usually the perfect time when she finished her daily routines. I would usually find her either in the kitchen preparing for our dinner, or in the living room clearing out the tables from her belongings, since she had always enjoyed it working there most.

But as I walked into the quiet house, she was nowhere to be found.

“______?”

I called out to have no answers. It was then when I noticed that the lights had been left off. Glancing up the stairs, I wondered if she had fallen asleep. I remembered leaving the house when she was still deep in her sleep, and I had chosen not to wake her up the moment I noticed the exhaustion on her face.

However, that was not the only thing I had noticed lately.

She had always appeared tired and spent, either it was in the morning or at the end of the day. She was always sleeping when I found her or yawning even when she was doing something or working. I had even caught her flinch a few times while she was massaging her shoulders and her back when she didn’t notice me watching as if there was a strain that remained there. Or even the times when she would be pressing her fingers on her temple, the old habit of hers that she always did whenever she had her headaches.

Had she been ill? Had she been to the doctor to see what was wrong? Or had she been taking a different medication? The latter came to my mind when I remembered how her body had always been reacting to new supplements and vitamins.

I had made a mental note to question her about it but never had a chance to. But I would make that chance to happen, to make sure to pay more attention to her health. I would even take her to the doctors myself as soon as possible.

While I dwell in my deep thoughts, I had made my way to the bedroom upstairs. The whole floor was even more hollow and dark compared to the main floor downstairs, that I suddenly felt like something was amiss.

Opening the bedroom door, I found the bed vacant, looking all neat and tidy as if nobody had been using it all day. The aching doubt and fear that had been haunting me for the past week and increasing for the rest of the day came to me stronger then when it dawned me.

She was not home.

She was still not home even when the night kept getting late.

The floor might have had marks of my footsteps for how I had been pacing back and forth waiting for her for hours. I had kept all the lights off, not bothering to turn anything on when my thoughts had been all over the place all at once.

Where the fuck is she? I kept asking myself. I felt worried at first when I could not find her, but as I failed to contact her after hours of waiting, all I started to feel was anger. Why must she be away just when I was planning to give this night for her? Am I not meant to fix things with her? To prove her that I would fight for this marriage with her?

And then my thoughts went to worse. What if something had happened to her? Once again, I began to worry, and the next thing I knew I was waiting for the dreadful phone call to let me know where my wife was. I prayed and prayed that it would never happen, and forced myself to think of all the possible places she might have been while trying my best to push all the negative thoughts away.

I kept waiting in silence, completely sober, wanting to make sure that I would have a clear mind just in case something did happen to her. I wanted to be alert and ready, but I also wanted to know if everything was alright. If she was alright and safe.

It was right after the clock turned past midnight when I finally heard the front door opening and closing. The noises came in as soft thuds, but the house was quiet enough to make the sound echoed against the walls. The noises made me perk up and breathe a sigh of relief when I heard her heels tapping on the marble floors.

But the relief was short-lived.

The more I listened to her movement, the more I realised how unsteady her footsteps were. She was even humming a song softly as she walked in the darkness, not noticing me sitting right across the room. Through the soft gleam coming from the lights outside the windows, I noticed her face, the small smile and the glaze in her eyes, and it was soon clear to me that she was, in fact, a bit tipsy.

What the hell? I cursed in my head with my fingers digging on the sofa I was sitting on. I have been wreaking my mind for hours worrying about her and she was out there getting drunk?

“Where have you been?” I finally spat out, no longer able to hold back my anger, startling her that she nearly jumped.

She turned around then, narrowing her eyes through the dark before she found me. “Jungkook, why are you here?” She asked me, frowning and looking surprised to actually find me waiting for her. If only I was not in the middle of holding back my rage, I would have found it ironic.

It was usually her who would be waiting for my return.

Is this how she usually feels when she finds me coming home so late and drunk? Does she feel the same hurt as I am feeling?

I kept gritting my teeth, holding back from lashing out on her, yet she kept giggling as she was answering my questions. “Are you drunk?” The question that left my lips was far from what I actually wanted to ask her. How drunk was she really? How much had she drunk? And with who? I was starting to feel jealousy taking over when she answered me,

“I’m, uh—” a giggle escaped her lips then, before she covered them with a soft cough. “Uh—I think I am? I’m sorry, I tried my best to not drink so much but Yoongi just wouldn’t stop getting me more refills.”

Yoongi.

The minute his name came out of her lips, I felt chill running down my spine.

“You were with Yoongi?” My whole body fell frozen in place. She had been with Yoongi, drinking for hours. What did they talk about? Were they talking about me when he was with her? What would he have said to her—

Then the memory of meeting Yoongi at the bar with Lena in my arms came back to me and my heart came to halt. The thought that he might have said something about her to my wife left me choking on my breath and I stuttered, “So it was only the two of you, or—”

“Yes, just me and Yoongi,” she said, with venom lathering her voice, making me feel even colder and everything came spinning around me. She looked deep into my eyes, fighting the darkness as much as she could and left me wondering if she could read the fear in my eyes. “We went out to discuss some project we were working on, and—”

“Over drinks?” I cut her off, not bothering to add and ask—

Did you talk about anything else?

Somehow, her lips curled to a smirk, then she suddenly became more brazen when she goaded at me, “Yes, with beer and some whiskey on his side, a little vodka on mine. It was fun.”

I opened my mouth but found nothing to say. What was I supposed to say to that? My mind was still stuck on the thought of Yoongi being with her all night. Of all the secrets Yoongi could have spill to her while she was at his will.

“Why are you up at this hour, Jungkook? Were you waiting for me?”

“I—” Her question made me flustered that I could only give her the only thing I could think of to cover my sorry ass. “What were you thinking of going out until so late with another man? You’re my wife! I—yes, of course, I waited for you. Why didn’t you at least tell me about it?”

Then she laughed. Right at my face. Catching me completely off guard.

“Why are you laughing? God, are you really that drunk?”

Shaking her head, she slowly calmed down. “No—I’m not that drunk. I’m only amused. Jeon Jungkook finally remembers who I am,” she tauntingly said with her dark gaze looking deep into mine and her words still covered in venom. The look on her face and her words felt like a slap to my face. What does that suppose to mean?

“I did leave you a message on your phone, am I not such a good wife enough? I even invited you to join us if you wanted to. Perhaps you were too busy paying attention to something—or someone else? But that’s okay, I’m used to being ignored by you. At least I get to see my husband waiting for me until so late at night, just like I always do for him—every single night he was away.”

Once again, I was lost for words. The first for being reminded of the fact that I knew so well, the fact that I had made her wait for me every single night. Being on the other side of it tonight, I finally found out what she might have been feeling when she did. Worried for not knowing where I was and if I was safe. Scared of having to wait by the phone the whole time just in case there was any news about me. Relief of knowing that I was home safe, the feeling that could not be embraced because seeing me drunk left her constantly disappointed.

Then she reminded me of my phone. The phone that I had turned off after all the effort of contacting her led to failure, all because instead of getting news from her, I was bombarded by hateful messages sent by Lena. All the vile words she was sending me all night had risen my anger, something that was distracting me from focusing on my wife.

I looked away from her and moved around, hiding the turmoil that was happening in my mind. “Is that was it’s all about? So are you doing this as payback, then?”

“Oh, no—No, absolutely not. I’m not some petty little child, Jungkook,” she said to me while shaking her head and laughing bitterly. “I told you, I lost track of time. We were working, and then we had too much fun. Won’t you forgive me?”

I stopped moving then, trying to calm myself when she suddenly reached forward to touch me, her palms pressing on my chest. I had no idea what came to me then, but I pushed her hands away out of instinct, as if her touches had torched me.

“Stop this, you are drunk,” I said, unexpectedly sounding too harsh and too abrupt which I instantly regretted once I saw the pained look in her eyes.

“Is it really because I am drunk, or you just don’t want to touch me anymore?”

Her voice was soft and broken, and the words she said was enough to make me stop. My breath hitched in pain when I realised what she had been thinking and I could not look away from her.

“Why can’t you just admit it? There is someone else who had caught your attention, isn’t there, Jungkook? If not, am I not worth it to be touched by my own husband?”

If I had felt chill before, this time I felt like I was drowned in ice. Everything I feared for actually came true. My voice was caught in my throat and I could only look at her with wide eyes. Did Yoongi really did say something to her? Did she know? Or was Yoongi right, that she had noticed all along?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“What nonsense are you saying? If you are accusing me of anything, just say it!” I spat out, unable to control my anger when the fear of her revealing the truth of my sin came over me. “Go ahead, and say it! I guess that alcohol you’ve been drinking all night is making you so full of yourself. Or perhaps it was Yoongi who filled you up with lies?”

Tell me what he had told you. Please. Please tell me how much of it that you knew.

“Wha—Stop putting all the blame at Yoongi! He is my friend, and at least he listens to me, unlike my dear husband that won’t even look at me no matter how often he claims me as his wife!”

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. Her words were a huge slap of reality to my face, one which I felt so strongly that my chest got even tighter and my face grew hot.

“You know, it’s been you that keeps accusing me of things I have never done, and for so many years you have so little faith in me when all I’ve been doing is try my best to put you first. When all I’ve been doing is fight for our marriage!”

“Fight? What kind of fight are you doing by going out with another man until past midnight and coming home drunk, huh?”

There it was again, my big mouth spitting all the wrong hurtful words to her only because I could not control myself. This was the reason why I had always stayed away from her when I had no control over my emotions. Why I had chosen to put my anger to another place, to another person, because putting my anger on her killed me, just as much as I knew how much everything I said to her would hurt her deeply.

I took a deep breath and prepared to reel back, to apologise for my wrong outburst, only to have her beating me up to it.

“What fight, you say? I spent every night waiting for you to come home without giving you any question. I stayed at home, every day, gave up what I wanted and did anything you asked me of—all for you! All for us! And you dare ask me what fight that I do?”

It was another slap to my face, reminding me of how hard she had been fighting for me when all I ever did was try to run away.

“I did one mistake tonight, Jungkook. One! And you just throw everything I have done all this time down the drain so easily just for this?”

“What do you want, then, huh? Should I give you a fucking award for it?” No, please, stop. Just shut up. You’re hurting her more, I tried to stop myself but I kept failing to do so. Every word I gave her kept spilling out with no control. I watched her flinch at my anger, then I watched her shaking her head again with the pained look in her eyes that made me want to slap my own face.

“What I want is for you to treat me as your goddamn wife! Not some trash or property you keep inside your house just to make it look nice! And for you to stop blaming me for everything! Every single bad thing that is happening to you!”

Her words were a huge stab to my chest. What have I done? How much have I hurt her? I said nothing only because I would say all the wrong things if only I had let myself speak. And only because I knew I deserved every blow she was giving me as she kept voicing out all the truth, all her feelings, everything she had kept to herself for a long time.

“I just don’t understand why you are always so angry at me—at everything I do? What have I done so wrong to deserve your hate, Jungkook?”

I still stayed silent and turned away, not knowing how to answer. Every single pain she voiced out had broken me even deeper. I have ruined things so badly already I no longer had any clue if I could still fix things. I felt completely defeated and powerless as I realised that everything we had was falling apart. Perhaps they have been and I was just too blind to notice that I was the one who had made it all happen.

“What mistake have I done so terribly that you hate me so much, Jungkook? It is because I can’t bear a child?”

No.

“Is that why? Are you punishing me since you are blaming me for it?”

No, it’s not that. It’s not you.

“Don’t talk about that—don’t you dare bring that up, this is about what you’ve done tonight,” I tried to make her stop talking, I tried to stop her from bringing it up.

“No, this isn’t about that. Whatever I do, you will only find other things, as little as they may be, and you will certainly use it against me to put me down. And you know what? I’ve had enough of it! So don’t you dare deny my question.”

I heard her coming closer, but my head was filled with the sound of my heart beating faster. I knew where this was heading to and I had no power to stop it. Or perhaps I did nothing because I was expecting her to talk about it.

“We could’ve had a child already, you know that. If only it didn’t happen. If only—”

I turned around to face her, to make her stop. But as always, the words came out of me wrong.

“What? Are you going to put the blame on me now? Is that it?”

“Then what, Jungkook? Was it also my fault that I lost our child? Was I the only one to blame for it to happen?” She was seething, but it was her tears that had me nearly crumbling down. I was also angry, I was mad, more to myself than I did to her. “Fine, if that’s what you want. Blame me, like you always do when everything falls apart, when things don’t go your way. Just say it and get it over with!”

No, it was never your fault. Please stop.

“I’m not gonna stay and take all of this,” I said to her while I started to walk away. I could not take it any longer. I could not hold back this pain any longer and I knew I had to get away before I took it all on her.

“Then go, walk away! Just like you always do. Walk away and leave as if the problem will disappear and fix itself once you ignore it and act like it doesn’t exist. Like I don’t exist.”

“Stop—”

“No, you know what? Just go ahead and walk. Just go, and hide away from everything!” she kept shouting at me, while I kept fighting the tears that were threatening to come flowing down. “Just remember that one of these days I won’t be here when you come back to hold you and tell you that everything is okay. Because things are not okay, and you just have to deal with it!”

Those were the words that had me pushed over to the edge. My whole body had been shaking, but I was on the verge of falling apart already that I began to panic. I could not lose her, my mind kept screaming for me to make sure that I would not let her go. That was when I turned back around, reached for her with the desperate need to hold her to me with my hands holding her arms tightly in place. I looked at her straight in the eyes when I voiced out my promise, “You are mine, and you are not going anywhere. Never! I will never let you!”

The fear in her eyes would forever haunt me. But what haunted me most was the feeling I had as if she was already slipping out of my grip. That I was already losing her.

That night, I had another dream of losing her when I fell asleep. Except that this time, she was not falling into the dark. She was walking away from me with a broken smile.

—First Life. Jeon Residence, year 2026. Days after—

The first thing that woke me up was the insane pounding going on inside my head.

I could have sworn that my head was about to explode and I should cuss if I could. But everything was so hazy that I could not think straight. I could feel myself spinning around as if I was floating from the ground even with my eyes still closed shut.

The warmth and the cold sheet were the next few things I sensed after I started to gain more consciousness. And that was before I noticed that I was completely naked. The fabric of the sheets around me grazing on my bare skin, letting me know that there was nothing else covering my body.

The more I focused on my senses, I could feel the other part of the bed where I was lying in submerged, letting me know that I was not alone.

What the fuck?

Where am I?

My messed up mind be damned, for everything was so fucking clouded that I could not for the life of me remember what exactly happened last night. I knew it was already early in the morning by the warmth flowing in the air. And I knew that I had probably fucked up.

Again.

My eyes were still too heavy for me to open. But I was silently grateful for it. Because it gave me that extra time to try to push away the pain in my head, to brush through the fog in my mind, and give me time to brace myself before I was forced to open them and find myself stuck in another mistake that I would never be able to fix.

One fuck up was enough. And it was one too many already after what I had done in the past.

Please don’t let this be another mistake, I begged and begged as I took a deep breath, calming my rage and the fear I had building inside me when I vaguely remembered a part of last night.

I was surely drunk, after spending a few hours at the bar with my co-workers to celebrate something. A birthday, or a similar celebration that had rounds of drinks to be shared. And then nothing. Please not let this be another one of your stupid ass getting in trouble, I begged with my hands clenching on the sheets beneath me, dreading the way my brain was failing to help me remember.

But as I took that deep breath, I was instantly swamped with relief. Because it was her scent that I caught on immediately. Her. Her shampoo, her perfume, the familiar scent of candles she had always set and light up when she needed to relax.

All hers.

My wife.

I breathe a long, relieved sigh before I opened my eyes. My heartbeat was palpitating like crazy as I hoped that my suspicions were true. And dear God, I nearly cried when I finally open my heavy eyelids to find her there. Sleeping beside me, her body lying on her side and curling under the thin blanket facing me. And she was just as naked as I was.

As I blinked away the sleep hanging on my eyelids, I wiped away the haze covering my sight to take in her feature. She looked so peaceful as she was still deep in sleep. Her face looked so calm, without any creases appearing between her brows. Her usual curious and tired eyes were closed shut. And she was smiling in her sleep.

I watched her as her chest raised and fell for each breath she took. Her hand lying on my bare chest and her body so close to me, allowing me to see the wedding band wrapped around her finger, glowing under the light. I had never seen her take it off. Ever. I had to be honest, that it was the one thing that kept me breathing, despite the burden I was keeping inside my heart. The pain I had endured for her.

Holding my gaze on her sleeping figure, the memories of last night started to come back to me.

I was definitely drunk. And I had come home late, finding her waiting for me in the living room. I remembered her rising from her seat when she saw me stumbling on my clumsy legs. Her eyes were filled with worries, but she caught me from falling, before supporting me as I walked towards the bed.

Our bed.

And then I remembered the kiss.

I could not remember what I had said to her, but I remembered the sight of her face being so close to me when she took off my clothes. When she tried to help me change into a more comfortable set of clothes to sleep in with and helped me prepare for bed. But I stopped her and caught her with my hands. My palms were shaking when I cupped her face and her eyes were wide when she had never expected to have me reaching out to her.

Hell, of course, I caught her by surprise. Because I have been avoiding her for so damn long. Creating distance between her and me, no matter what she had done and no matter how hard she had been trying to hold this marriage together. All because of my fear, and the dreadful guilt that had been haunting me.

It was such a desperate moment when I pulled her close and kissed her like never before. Breathing her in, feeling her, tasting her, revelling in her presence that had made me feel as if I was being brought back to life. And then I pulled her to the bed, when I was so desperate to touch her, to feel her, to make her love me like she used to. To show myself that everything was alright, that we were not falling apart.

I closed my eyes when the image of us making love last night came to me like parts of a movie and I was watching from afar. Yet every part of my body remembered it like everything had been engraved deep in my skin. The feeling of her skin, the warmth of her body on mine was still the same. The gentle touch she gave me was still able to ignite that fire inside my heart that it knocked my entire soul like a live wire. Her kisses still burned me alive, drowning me in the bliss that made me believe that love truly existed in this damn, fucked up world. And she made me breathe so easily, so alive when she looked at me with those eyes that were flooding with joy, pleasure, and relief when she reached her climax.

My heart started beating faster and my chest felt like it was on fire when I remembered our lovemaking from last night. How being inside her felt like heaven. Or perhaps much more. My whole body shuddered to the memory of me being inside her, reminding me of the reason why I fell in love with her and why making love to her was everything to me. It reminded me why I had always known that I could never survive without her in my life.

The way we fit together like gloves when we became one. The way her muscles rippled and squeezed me so tightly as I pounded inside her that I had to do my all not to come and crumble the moment I entered her. The way she held on me so tightly and called for my name when she let go and embraced her climax that came to her for countless times.

She was perfect.

We were perfect.

And once, I remembered from the past, there was a time when I felt like I was perfect for her.

My breath came out shaky when I opened my eyes again, wanting to look at her again. For whenever she was sleeping, she became such a sight to take in completely.

I always loved watching her, staring at her face and her eyes for they always spoke louder than her mind, unable to hide anything that she felt no matter how hard she tried to hide them from me. That was the reason why I loved her.

And it was also the reason why I had to avoid her.

Because I could never look at her without catching her pain emitting from her eyes as she held her gaze on me. That sight would always break me into pieces when I knew how much of a bastard I was for breaking her apart. And I could not bear to see those pain emitting from her eyes, when I knew I was the one who put them there. I was the one responsible for all the hurt, all the sadness, and for her broken heart. And every time I looked at her and read them through her gaze, they only made me hate myself even more for breaking her apart.

All because she loved me.

And it broke me so damn much because I loved her, and I had no idea how to fix all the mess I had made in the past. I had no idea how to fix her.

My mind took me back to last night, when I looked into her eyes and all I saw then was love. That the eyes that were staring back at me were the same pair that I had not seen for a while since the first years of our marriage. And that was when I crumbled.

I came when she called my name with those loving eyes. And I cried like a baby with my face buried on her shoulder. Filling her with my seed and coating her with my emotion when I reached my climax.

I was that vulnerable. So damn weak that I was ashamed of myself.

But she never pushed me away.

Instead, she cradled me in her arms, held me close until I stopped crying and she calmed me down with her fingers threading my hair. She was much stronger than I would ever be. Another reason why I kept feeling like a failure, when I kept breaking her apart and all I had ever done was to break her even more even when I tried to fix things up.

She was always the stronger one. And that was the reason when throughout the years we were trying to conceive, when all the long and desperate lovemaking, the scheduled sex and the continuous doctor visits still failed to give us the child we wanted, I had taken all the blame on her. Because I could not face being a failure. Because I was not strong enough to take the blame.

And I was even more ashamed when I remembered the one secret I was still keeping inside me. That one fucked up mistake that would be the most unforgivable of all, because she had forgiven me for too many times before. It was eating me up inside knowing that she would never forgive me again for this one dark secret of mine.

I was still lost in my own thoughts when she stirred in her sleep and started to wake up. My eyes snapped open to meet her eyes as they were fluttering open.

Taking a deep breath, I braced myself to prepare for the sight in her eyes that had become too familiar to my heart. The look filled with her pain and sadness, the burdens she was carrying because of me.

But I was swamped with another relief when she opened those eyes, finding me there lying next to her and facing her as I waited for her to react first. And then she smiled. The look in her eyes showed me nothing else but love as she gave me that beautiful smile, the same one she gave me when she kissed my forehead while I was crying myself to sleep. The same love she had been giving me for years, the same forgiveness she kept giving me every time I fucked up.

It gave me hope.

I returned her smile and stared at her with a gaze that mirrored hers. Leaning up to kiss her lips and greet her softly, “Good morning, _______,” before returning to lie on my back to find her eyes softening as she stared at me so lovingly.

That was when I promised myself to make things right. That I could make everything alright again. That I could fix everything that I had broken. I would do everything to make it right again.

For her.

For us.

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