#apologies. completely forgot those tags at first. how silly of me

[flowerpowell]

The Royal Holiday Romance

PART TWO

A/N: I think I forgot how to write lol. This is my attempt at fluff. I’m not sure if I’ll fit the story I planned in two more chapters, but it’ll definitely be mini series. Still fluffy, still Christmassy and still veryyy Hallmarky. I hope you’ll like it! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: G

Tagging: @twinkleallnight @kingliam-rys @sfb123 @gkittylove99 @texaskitten30 @iaminlovewithtrr @gardeningourmet @delightfullypinkglitter @lodberg @kingliam2019 @queen-arabella-of-cordonia​ 

Victoria looked at the scenery in front of her. She tried to focus on the beauty of nature but she was distracted by something. 

Someone. 

She felt Liam’s eyes on her as if awaiting her reaction. After talking for a little bit more, Liam insisted on taking her to his favorite spot in the forest. It was a little cave, completely covered by mud, now though, completely covered with snow. The cave was surrounded by trees and Liam told her that not many people knew about the cave since it wasn’t visible thanks to the trees around.

“It’s like a fairytale,” she finally said, still aware of Liam’s presence. “Like a forest straight from the Grimms’ fairytales.”

Liam chuckled. “As far as I’m concerned, forests in their stories weren’t exactly safe or beautiful.”

Victoria turned to face him, the corners of her lips slightly raised. “True, but I’ve always found them magical. Just like the fairytales themselves.”

“Ah, yes. The fairy godmother and everything.”

“Actually, no.” Victoria shook her head. “There was no fairy godmother in the original. It’s Hollywood’s creation. In the original, there’s mother cutting their daughters’ feet so the shoe would fit instead.”

Liam’s eyes widened.

“I suppose that’s one less fairytale I’d read to my children,” he chuckled. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah, I read the original fairytales and wasn’t impressed with how Hollywood adapted them. Did you know that in the original Little Mermaid by Andersen, Little Mermaid doesn’t marry the prince? He marries another princess and the Little Mermaid has to kill the prince on his wedding night to be a mermaid again.”

“I… certainly have to read some of these again. I didn’t even realize how brutal these fairytales can be.” Liam admitted. “I assume you weren’t happy with this adaptation either?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I mean, I like how sweet and romantic those Disney versions are but adapting a story and then not sticking to it is kind of a pet peeve of mine.”

“I see.”

“Sorry, it’s silly and I’m talking too much,” Victoria said quickly and turned her attention to the trees. Why couldn’t she stop talking? She just met Liam and started telling him about how bloody original fairytales can be. Great job, Tori. This is how you scare people, not make them interested in you.

“I would say it’s rather fascinating.” Victoria turned to him, surprised as he went on. “As I said, I had no idea about the originals but you made me want to read them.” He smiled at her and she felt her cheeks were blushing. “You must be a pretty harsh critic, huh?”

She let out a hearty laugh but quickly covered her mouth with her hands. “Mhm. Sometimes.” If I were a critic I would be harsh. Probably. Can’t say since I’m not one.

“What’s your favorite movie then? The one you just can’t criticize.”

“Gold Rush. I love the humor and I love how Chaplin showed real issues through comedy. No special effects, no computers, and these black and white, no sound movies are often better than what Hollywood offers us now.”

“Classics. Interesting.” Liam nodded. Victoria opened her mouth to apologize again for talking too much about cinema but Liam was first. “I actually preferred Modern Times. Chaplin showed a true genius there and I loved how he mixed the sound into this silent movie. Although, I must admit, Buster Keaton was master of comedy for me.”

Victoria looked at him, her eyes slightly widened. No one, maybe except for some of her professors and fellow students, heard of Keaton. She believed he was one of the most underrated comedians but anytime she’d talk about him, no one would know who was she referring to.

Liam kept on talking about his favorite movies as they were walking but all Victoria could think of was how oddly comfortable she felt being with him.

~~~~

After, what felt like a minute but was actually two hours, Victoria said goodbye to Liam and raced back to the set. She hoped Hana didn’t wait too long for; she had promised her to eat dinner together. Liam told her he had to join his friends somewhere and the two separated, though a little reluctantly. Victoria was still in awe of Liam but tried not to read too much into it. It was only a nice encounter with a stranger in the Cordonian forest.

“Hana!” Victoria called out as she spotted her friend. Hana was standing with a man that Victoria had never seen before and waved at her when she saw her.

“I was getting worried,” Hana confessed and Victoria felt guilty.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop admiring the beauty of Cordonian landscape.”

“Ah, yes, Cordonia is beautiful,” the man standing next to Hana said and both women turned to him.

“Uhh, I almost forgot. Maxwell, this is my friend and co-star, Tori. And this is Maxwell. He’s the friend of the King and also my future biographer.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to—”

“O M G! I am so happy to meet Hana Lee’s friends! How long have you known Hana? What is she like as a friend? I bet she’s the best. Is Tori your full name?”

“Umm…” Victoria looked at Hana confused but her friend only shrugged.

“Maxwell wants to write a book about me and I couldn’t say no. Literally,” Hana added for only Victoria to hear.

“Nice to meet you, Maxwell. Tori is a nickname only for my friends and my full name is—”

“Brooks!”

“Sorry, I’ll be right back!” Victoria apologized and ran to a crew member that just called her name. Hana nodded in response and Maxwell noted something in his notebook.

“Maxwell! There you are!”

“Liam! I thought you forgot about me. Where have you been?” Maxwell asked as Liam walked up to him and Hana.

“I had… some thing to do. It’s a pleasure to see you again, lady Hana. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in Cordonia.” Liam turned to Hana.

“It’s even more beautiful here than I remembered. I hope I’ll have some time to visit Applewood  again, it must be so pretty this time of the year.”

“Applewood is always pretty.” Liam smiled and Hana laughed. “I’m afraid we should get going. Duty calls.”

“But do we have to?” Maxwell pouted.

“Maxwell, you’ve talked to lady Hana for two hours, let’s give her a break,” Liam said and Hana sent him a grateful smile.

“Fine, fine. It was a pleasure, Hana! I hope to see you again, soon.”

“Likewise.” Hana waved Maxwell goodbye as he and Liam started to walk away.

“Sorry, there was a problem with one of my scenes.” Victoria appeared next to Hana causing the actress to jump. “Where’s Maxwell?”

“He had to go. The King was here.”

“Wait, what? The King of Cordonia was here? While I was sorting out my scenes?” Victoria asked and Hana nodded. “Oh man. Just my luck. I wish I could meet him, too.”

“His friend is writing my biography, I’m sure you’ll have a chance,” Hana chuckled.

“Yeah, about that… How… did that happen?” Hana laughed as she took her friend’s arm to go for a dinner.

~~

“Chapter one would be called The Star in the Womb. I think I could get some ultrasound pictures of Hana because I’m sure she was very photogenic back then as well.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?” Drake put his book down as Maxwell read his notes out loud.

“What? If this is going to be Hana Lee’s first biography, I have to make sure it is perfect. What so you think, Liam?”

“Hmm? Yes, wonderful idea.” Liam didn’t even look at Maxwell, his eyes were glued to his phone, which was a rather rare occurrence. Maxwell looked at Drake triumphantly.

“What?! Did you even hear what Maxwell came up with? He wants to describe Hana Lee’s time in the womb.”

“That’s a good move, indeed.”

“Seriously, what is going on Liam? What are you doing?” Drake tried to take Liam’s phone but he didn’t let him.

“Nothing.”

“Liam. What happened? You’ve been acting weird since yesterday. You’re never that absent-minded.”

“Nothing happened!”

“Uh uh,” Maxwell cut in. “You’re different. Even Drake noticed.

“Hey!”

“Nothing happened,” Liam tried to reassure his friend but they still were looking at him as if he lost his mind. Liam shook his head, resigned, and Drake quickly snatched his phone. His eyes went wide as he saw what Liam was doing.

“Little mermaid? You’re reading little mermaid?”

“What?” Maxwell asked, glancing at Liam’s phone.

“Did you know that Little Mermaid tried to kill the prince when he didn’t marry her?” 

“What?” Drake was confused.

“I need to go for a walk,” Liam said taking his phone from Drake’s hand.

“Wait! Liam, wait! Can we invite Hana to the palace for dinner tonight? I want to talk to her and I’m sure she’d like to talk to you as well.”

“Mhm, sure. You can invite her.”

“Ohh, and let’s invite Tori, she seemed nice!”

“Who’s Tori?” Liam asked as he was putting on his coat.

“Hana’s friend and co-star. We met yesterday, just before you came. I felt good energy from her,” Maxwell explained.

“Hmm, sure, let’s invite them both.” Liam finished putting on his coat and shoes. “Tell the kitchen staff to prepare the dinner and tell Antonio to invite Hana and her friends. Just please, be civil. And no asking for ultrasound!” Liam warned before heading out, completely oblivious to the happy break-dance Maxwell just performed.

~~~~

“Aaaand CUT!” The director’s voice startled Victoria as she was dozing off on a chair, waiting for Hana to finish her scene. “That’s it everybody, we’re done for the day.”

“Finally,” Victoria thought as she yawned. She glanced at her phone and quickly did the math in her head. They were on set for ten hours with only one thirty-minute break.

“Hungry?” Hana appeared next to her, smiling and full of energy as if she wasn’t working for almost a full day.

“You have no idea. Pizza?” Victoria suggested and Hana nodded.

“That sounds—Excuse me for a second.” Hana looked at her friend apologetically as she took out her ringing phone. “Hello?”

Victoria walked away a little to give Hana some privacy. She wondered if Liam went to the forest today as well. Or if he watched any of the films she recommended. To be fair, Liam was all she could think of. She sighed looking at the set in front of her. Even though, she didn’t want to complain about her job, she wanted nothing more than to go to the forest to relax. And maybe meet Liam again. Maybe.

“I have the greatest news and you’ll love it!” Hana was giddy with excitement and Victoria wondered how she was still so alive after such a long day at work.

“The pizza place decided to give us our pizzas for free? Johnny Depp finally got his Oscar?”

Hana shook her head laughing. “No, but close. Prepare your best outfit, we’ve been invited for a dinner with the King.”

-------

[sanktnikolais]

What Keeps You Up At Night

A/N: one last writing before I disappear for quite a long time. Or idk maybe i’ll be back again soon, but it’s burnt out season these days. No more will to write and live HAHAKLDHFS so have this mess of neighbors au, and i might still write more of this in this au, maybe not just too soon. ;-;

Happy Halloween, ig. 

Word count: 2151

AO3

The first time Zoya had finally talked properly with her noisy, infuriating neighbor without them arguing was in the middle of the night. 

          The endless readings for her upcoming case had taken a toll on her for the past few days, and the sleep she got was not enough to make her last the next day without verbally murdering someone in the firm. Tonight was no different, but she decided to go to bed earlier, as the noises from next door were starting to get louder again, and she was tired of going over and trying to knock his door down. They had been arguing off every little mistake they could pinpoint and use it against each other.

          When Zoya had moved in the apartment complex more two weeks ago, only the ones from across and by the end of the hall came to greet her, while the one next to hers was silent the whole time, and the rest of the day. 

          A firefighter, the other floor tenants had said, so he was gone most of the day. 

          She would've appreciated it at some point, if only if he didn't make so much noise at nights whenever he was back. It was during the third night that she finally had enough rage to stomp over the adjacent door and knock, only to end up with the firefighter arguing back that she, too, was too noisy every morning.

          Those arguments only got frequent for the two weeks, until they got a notice from the landlord to settle things down otherwise they’d get evicted. They had both ‘compromised’ with each other’s time schedule, but it really just involved them glaring at each other and arguing very quietly. Though their interactions had gone much calmer in the past few days, there was still no denying about the bad blood between them.

          Now Zoya was just about to retreat back to her bedroom when there was a loud scratching on her front door. It wasn't the type that one would suddenly hear but was gone after a moment. Instead it was continuous and hurried, as if someone or something was trying to get in. 

          She raised an eyebrow, eyeing the time on her phone. 1:03. What the hell could it be at this time of the night? 

          The scratching continued as Zoya slowly approached the front door, her heart starting to hammer in her chest. She wasn't the type to believe in the supernatural, but who's to say it was impossible? 

          She stopped in front of the door, and then the scratching stopped. Coldness seemed to wash over her, the suddenness of the feeling making her shiver. Whatever it was may have left already, most likely a stray rat or something. But the sound was too loud for something as small as a rat. What if it was—

          Zoya stopped her thoughts with a dark chuckle, feeling silly for even thinking about the impossible, though there was still no denying the slight fear in her chest. With a shake of her head, she took a deep breath and peeked through the peephole on her door. 

          There wasn't anyone outside. 

          She scoffed. Maybe the lack of sleep for the past week had made her imagination and hearing tacky. 

          "Being scared of mere sounds now, huh, Nazyalensky?" she mumbled to herself, stepping away from the door. 

          Only to stop when another sound came from the other side. A soft cry. 

          By this time, her fear was replaced by annoyance, and Zoya just turned the lights on, grabbed at the knob, and opened the door. 

          As expected, there wasn't any soul outside. Even the hall was dim and quiet—except for the occasional ones coming from the infuriating firefighter's slightly open door—when she turned to look in both directions, the small light by the end made it possible to see. Otherwise, the floor was empty. 

          She eyed the next door with a frown, shaking her head. Was he so confident to leave it open during this time of the night? 

          Then a thought came to her head. If she ever caught Lantsov trying to play a prank on her in the middle of the night, she would definitely not hesitate to strangle him on the spot. She shook her head, feeling annoyed with both herself and whatever it was that made the scratching sound. It surely wasted her time to check when she was supposed to be dozing off already. 

          She stepped back, ready to close the door, when she felt something brush past her ankle. 

          It was enough for a yelp to erupt from her mouth and jump, almost crashing over to her door. 

          Zoya quickly recovered and whirled around, expecting to see something scary, probably a ghost that had finally decided to become visible to her or anything supernatural that she's read and watched far too many times. 

          What she didn't expect was an adorable fluff of golden fur poised down on the floor as if it were trying to get her to play. 

          She gaped at the dog, turning back to the hall and expecting its owner to come over to get him. But no one came. 

          A soft whine made her turn back to the dog. It was now sitting up, head inclined to the side with a curious look on its face. If this was some other time, Zoya knew she would've melted on the sight. But now there was only confusion and bewilderment in her mind. 

          The dog couldn't be any older than several months. It was still a bit small to be an adult Retriever, but definitely not a puppy anymore. 

          She crouched down in level with it, and the dog immediately got up to run towards her. It only took a blink before it was jumping to her with an excited bark, and Zoya caught the dog mid-air. 

          The Retriever started attacking her with kisses, and the annoyance she was feeling just now disappeared completely. She laughed lightly when the dog's tail started to wag too vigorously as she stood up. 

          "Where did you come from?" Zoya asked, giving its head a ruffle. There was small ringings coming from the bell on its collar, and she turned the tag over. Sturmhond. "Storm dog, huh?" She leaned back to look at the golden fluff. It reached over to lick at her nose, causing a chuckle from her. "Who in the world would name you like that?"

          There was a squeak of a door being opened. "Sturmhond?" a deep voice echoed in the hallway, followed by rushed footsteps. "Sturm—" 

          Zoya turned around to Lantsov stop by her door, already in his black shirt that had a printed Ravka Fire Protection on the upper left. 

          The firefighter’s stare at her lingered for a second too long before he was blinking and averting his eyes from her and to the bundle of golden fur in her arms. "Sturmhond!" His hazel eyes that had a deep look of worry before suddenly lit up when they landed on the dog.

          The dog—Sturmhond—immediately squirmed off her arms and leaped over to him. 

          He caught him with a laugh. "Saints, there you are," he said in obvious relief. He gave the dog a ruffle on the head as Sturmhond bombarded his cheek with kisses. After a moment, he turned to her with a small wince. "I'm sorry about that, I only got him several days ago from the alley at the back and he's still trying to adjust—" He seemed to realize his own blabbing and he shook himself. “Yeah, I’m sorry for the disturbance.”

          Zoya raised an eyebrow. Did he just apologize to her? “I think this is the first time I heard you apologize, Lantsov," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the doorway. “You ought to close your door if you don’t want him escaping your place.”

          The firefighter frowned. “It was closed, alright?”

         Zoya raised a brow at him. “Oh, really, now?” she said. “How come he got to my door?”

          “I don’t know,” he said, a tad bit too sharply, and he seemed to realize his tone. “Maybe I did leave the door open. My shifts have been longer these days, I really would tend to forget a lot."

          She fought a smile on her lips as she took in this whole new character of her neighbor. He was so far from the one that she had been arguing for the past two weeks. “Is this character development? You are awfully different today.”

          Lantsov only rolled his eyes as he adjusted the dog in his arms. “Nice to finally meet you,” he said sarcastically. Then he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “Taking care of this one probably did the trick.”

          Zoya made a surprised huff. It was the first time they had talked without wanting to verbally murder one another, and it was a new thing to see. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. 

          “Anyway, my shift starts in about ten minutes and it won’t end until lunch I think,” he said with an amused smile, “at least I don’t have to endure your loudness at eight in the morning.”

          She erased her previous thought. Still the infuriating and idiotic neighbor. “For once, I thought you actually had some character development, Lantsov.”

          Nikolai laughed, and Zoya felt the strange ease in the air that was never there before. “Only for you, dear,” he said. “Well, then. I have to go—”

          He was cut off when Sturmhond suddenly jumped off from his arms and padded his way inside Zoya’s apartment, hiding behind her legs. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at the dog behind her. It seemed to have shrunk smaller as Sturmhond continued to hide. 

          “Sturmhond. Come on, buddy, I have to go,” he said gently, bracing his hands on his knees to crouch lower. He tried to call the dog once more, but Sturmhond didn’t budge. He sighed and stood up, checking his watch. “He’s still having issues with leaving. He thinks he’s going to get abandoned again.” Then he winced, closing his eyes as if he were in pain. “Can I, uh, ask for a favor?”

          She narrowed her eyes, a laugh bubbling out from her lips. The night was definitely going on a weird turn. “Nikolai Lantsov is asking a favor from me?”

          His wince only worsened. “I know, but it’s all because I forgot to call my friend that’s supposed to take Sturmhond tonight,” he said, rubbing at his face. He looked up after a moment, a defeated look on his face. “Can you watch over him?” 

          Zoya raised an eyebrow, and before she could reply, he quickly added, “I will pay for the dog sitting, don’t worry.” He looked past her and down to the dog hiding behind her. He had a worried crease between his brows, and for once, his usual smug expression was gone and replaced by a genuine emotion she never saw him have before. “He really looks like he doesn’t want to leave tonight.”

          Her frown got deeper as she contemplated the firefighter’s request. He hadn’t been the most likeable person on their floor, at least for her, and she had every right to say no. But what she couldn’t understand was her lack of resistance over the favor and the sudden urge to help him.

          She sighed. “Fine, I can watch over him,” she said even before she could think of changing her mind. Then with much more surety, she added, “I’m on a day off tomorrow, anyway.”

          His eyes lit up like a child being allowed to play outside. “Really?”

          “He seems behaved enough. And I’m sure he’s much quieter than you.”

          To her surprise, Nikolai laughed, and her stomach did a weird flip at that. “He definitely is quieter than me. And he sleeps a lot too, would pass out anywhere he lays down.”

          “My rate is not cheap, though.”

          “I don’t mind.” He chuckled, the expression in his eyes was soft when he said, “Thank you.”

          Zoya blinked, the direction of the night catching her completely off guard. It was only then that he looked much better with a smile on his face rather than the frown he always had every time they argue, and his eyes were definitely much warmer up close. 

          Lantsov was indeed quite a looker.

          She shook herself out of her thoughts, covering them up with a glare on the blond. “Don’t thank me yet, I am planning to use this favor against you.”

          Nikolai chuckled. “Of course, anything for you, Nazyalensky.”

          Oh, she still hated him for having a sudden effect on her. 

          She’ll charge him off big time for dog sitting.

---

But when he came to pick the dog up much later in the afternoon, Zoya hadn’t charged him off with anything. 

[plaidbooks]

Everyone Deserves Love chapter 8

A/N: This starts with a little bit of fluffy cuteness, but don’t let that fool you! Jenkins coming in hot, and then it switches to angst. And it stays angst. So heads up, it’s gonna be angst for a bit haha.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tags: none, outside of feelings, oh, I guess minor character death that was mentioned in one line

Words: 6k+

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba (lemme know if you want to be tagged!)

Apartment of Rafael Barba

Saturday, May 2nd. 5:00am

Devon woke up at 5am sharp, as usual, even after being up over 24 hours the day before. She uncurled on the couch, stretching while standing, then went through her morning routine: exercise, shower, dress. She tried to be as quiet as possible, since Barba was still asleep, and she planned to let him sleep in a little, their deal from the previous night. Normally on weekends, he would stumble out of his room around 8am. Glancing at the clock, it was still early; only 6:30. Devon planned on making coffee to go with the breakfast, so she decided that 8am would be the safest time to start it. Until then, though, she’d work on the abandoned report from last night, while trying to ignore the thoughts that had stopped that report. Having those types of thoughts helped no one and was wildly unprofessional. So, she shoved her feelings away, focusing on the events from the past two days instead.

Time flew by and 8am came faster than she thought it would, with no signs of life from Barba’s room. She still got up from the couch, report done, and started the French press. While waiting for the water to heat up, she went to the FBI database, trying to check on the last 12 Aces in the city. She looked up from her laptop when she heard Barba’s door open; she didn’t even hear him shower, yet his hair was still damp from the spray. He was in nice slacks and a plain polo shirt; his “casual” attire, unlike his “weekend” suits. It was always a little treat seeing someone who was normally in expensive suits dressing in something…not as expensive. Casual. He still looked damn good, though.

“Good morning,” Devon chirped, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Coffee?”

“Please,” he grumbled. Even when he slept in, Rafael Barba was not a morning person. Devon grinned, pouring him a cup, and adding the appropriate amount of sugar that she knew he liked. She noticed, somewhere deep down, that she liked their almost…domestic tendencies. It made sense, with how much time they spent together, but it was still nice to have these little shared things. It was like his home was hers’, too. Which was comforting. And absolutely terrifying.

“Here you go,” she said, passing him the hot liquid.  He gratefully took a deep pull, letting the caffeine waken him. He went to the fridge, pulling out an assortment of vegetables and a carton of eggs. He set about making breakfast, an omelet with sautéed vegies; Devon hovered in the kitchen, but her attention was on her laptop, still researching.

“So, what time were you up today?” Barba asked casually.

“Uh, 5am?” Devon replied.

Barba shot her a look. “I thought we agreed to sleep in today. Why were you up so early?”

“I—I’m always up at 5. I have an internal clock, wakes me up,” she explained.

“Everyday?”

“Correction, almost always. Sometimes I’m up at 4.”

Barba looked shocked first, then concerned. “We go to bed so late; why the hell do you wake up so early? And how the hell are you so perky in the morning?”

Devon thought about it. “I’ve been waking up before the sun for a while, now, couple years, actually. Guess it’s just habit.” She gave him a playful smile. “The perkiness is all me, baby.”

Barba ignored the joke, all serious. “Years? That cannot be healthy. Have you talked to anyone about this?”

Devon took a sip of coffee, swirled it in her mouth before swallowing. “After doing a UC, it’s mandatory to talk to a therapist. So yes, I did ‘talk to someone’ about it…. Especially because it seemed to start a week into that assignment.” Barba flipped the omelet he was making. It looked like he was going to question further, so Devon cut him off. “Yes, both my therapist and I believe that it’s from stress. I—I think I’m just…” she took a deep breath; saying it out loud was acknowledging it. But it was also good to get it out of her mind. “I’m just afraid; my brain needs to be on alert at all times. I know it sounds silly, but people like you—victims--deserve to have 24/7 protection, but I can only give you 20 at most. I’m a light sleeper; anyone breaking in and I’ll hear it. But I don’t think that’s really good enough; it leaves at least 4 hours where you’re open, exposed, especially with the fire escape in your room.” Barba took the omelet out of the pan, placing it skillfully on a plate, and passing it to Devon. She took it gratefully, blowing on it before taking a bite. It was delicious. Is there anything he can’t do?

Barba sighed as he went back to the pan, starting on his own food. “Devon, I know that no one wants to hear it, but you are human. No one, including you, can stay awake and alert 24/7. Hell, even 20/7 is insane. I’m glad that this whole mess is almost over.” He flinched inwardly as soon as the words left his mouth. And the look on Devon’s face was a punch to the gut; it was only there for a split second before she went back to a neutral expression. But he felt it, too; as much as he would like life to go back to normal, he really didn’t want to lose her, lose this. Not yet.

“It will be nice to sleep in my own bed again,” Devon joked, though her voice fell a little flat. She knew that it was inevitable; she’d have to leave him eventually, go on with her work and life. But she really, really, didn’t want to think about that. She was disappointed that he was already there in his thoughts, that he was wishing for it.

Barba finished cooking his own food, standing at the counter next to Devon. They ate in relative silence, besides complimenting each other on the food and coffee, and idly talking about heading to the park afterwards.

“Oh shit, I need to call Liv,” Devon said, pulling her phone out of her pocket. Olivia picked up on the second ring.

“Hey Dev, everything alright?” she asked.

Devon chuckled, shaking her head. “Of course. Just wanted to let you know that Barba and I were going to Central Park for a little. Get some fresh air after the mess from the past couple days.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? You don’t think that you’ll be sitting ducks?”

“There’s only 12 Aces left, and I think after what happened with Marco, we should be good.” Devon waited a moment before adding on, “I’ll be armed, we’ll be safe.”

Liv sighed. “For one thing, I forgot to text you last night; we caught 5 more Aces in a raid last night. So now the magic number is 7. And second, I’ll station some extra unis in the park, just to be sure. The remaining members may be getting desperate, since there’s not many left.”

“That’s good to know. I’ll let Barba know, and I’ll keep my eyes open,” Devon replied. She hung up, then, and relayed the information to Barba.

“Hm, SVU must be busy; Liv doesn’t normally forget to inform us like that,” he said.

Devon agreed. “We can always stop by later today, see what’s up.” Barba nodded.

They finished their food quickly, suddenly eager to get out into fresh air. Barba’s loft was only two blocks from Central Park, so it was a short walk there, but before they even hit the park, they were already more relaxed, basking in the warm, sunny day. There’s something about getting out of the house, even for a simple walk, that was refreshing. It seemed like the tension, the heaviness, from the last two days lifted, and they joked and laughed, conversation flowing easily. They made it to a trail that went by the water, and just enjoyed each other’s presence. They talked about nothing, really, just idle small talk.  Devon did surreptitiously watch every person within eyesight; she saw at least 6 cops the first ten minutes there, two on bikes and the rest on foot. But no one looked suspicious, only suburban moms with their strollers, joggers, couples walking through the park. They wandered the trail for about an hour, slowly getting closer together, though neither of them noticed. It wasn’t until Devon’s hand brushed against his that they realized how close they were. They stopped walking, half turning to each other, Devon’s cheeks flushing, an apology on her tongue. Barba opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a woman screaming.

Devon was a flurry of movement, embarrassment from the simple touch forgotten. Her first instinct was to shove Barba behind her, turning towards the noise. It took a moment for the woman’s words to process in her adrenaline-clogged brain.

“Help! He stole my purse!” she yelled, pointing. A man dressed like a burglar from a shitty movie, complete with loose jeans, a black hoodie with the hood pulled up, and dark sunglasses, was running on the path that Devon and Barba were currently on, a tan purse clutched in his hand. As the man tried to push passed them, Barba stuck out his leg. The man got caught on his foot and went down, slamming into the ground, glasses flying off his face.

“Great reflexes,” Devon said, jokingly, giving him a half-grin. She knelt down, grabbing his hands and pulling them behind his back. “Senior Special Agent Motely, FBI,” she informed the man. She grabbed the purse from his clutches and handed it to Barba.

“Did you doubt me?” Barba smirked back. He took the purse, looking towards the woman who had alerted them. She was on her way over, as well as the two bike cops. Barba handed over the purse, and Devon let the unis cuff the man. Devon noticed Barba’s hands were shaking; he must still be feeling anxious from the past couple days for this small action to affect him so.

“Come on,” Devon said, giving him a soft smile. She took Barba’s shaking hand, ignoring the jolt of electricity she felt from touching his burning skin, and led him away from the scene at a slow jog. She was hoping that a short jog would burn off the extra energy coursing through both of their veins. She led him out of the park and towards a small café across the street; one of her favorite spots.

“That was…surprisingly fun,” Barba chuckled, trying to catch his breath. Devon laughed with him; at least he had stopped shaking.

“Oh no, please stay as a lawyer. Don’t switch to cop,” Devon replied, feigning concern at his life choices.

“Why not? Afraid that I’d take your job?”

“No, but I think the power would go to your already inflated head.”

Barba scoffed as if offended. “Don’t lie; I’d outrank you in a week.”

“And there’s that ego I mentioned.” They chuckled, before a waitress came out to them. They both ordered a coffee—Devon got a pastry, too--and resigned to people watching while they waited for her to come back.

“To be honest, though, I am glad that we were able to help that woman out,” Devon said.

Barba agreed. “We got lucky that he ran towards the two people in the park that could help her.”

“That’s a little rude to the cops working in the park.”

Barba smirked. “But am I wrong?”

“Not at all,” she replied. Their coffee and food came just then, and they sat in silence, drinking and sharing the pastry. Devon broke the silence. “Today’s been really fun. I’m glad we decided to do this.”

“Me too. It’s nice getting out of the loft every now and again. To not worry about cases, files, rapes, murders, and traffickers.”

Devon nodded. “It does get…taxing, after a while. You have to find a balance in this line of work. It’s not always enough to just go home at the end of the day.”

Barba thought about what he wanted to say, how he wanted to say it. “I—I couldn’t imagine doing what you do. At least I get to go home at the end of the day. You just finished a three-year undercover op before this; you didn’t even get to go home. You didn’t get to talk to friends, hell you didn’t even have your own name. That sounds like a type of torture. And now, you still don’t get to go home.”

“At least I have some good company,” she smiled at him. She took a small bite of her pastry, then continued, “sometimes, it feels like torture. But you have to get so into your character, your fabricated life. You have to be invested in your fake job, fake friends, fake relationships. Sometimes, none of those things feel fake anymore. It’s just life…. I’ve learned that you need to have something, anything, that can pull you back to your real life.”

“What…what did you have?”

Devon’s cheeks turned red, though she tried to hide it by drinking her coffee. “You, uh, you got to promise me you will not tell a soul,” she said after putting her coffee down. She locked eyes with him. “I’m serious; no one must know of this, especially Olivia.”

Barba kept his face neutral, trying not to smile at how flustered Devon got, how cute she was when her face got all red like that. Was it really that bad? “Okay, I promise.”

Devon took a deep breath, let it out. Then she reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. She popped the case off, pulling something out. In her hand was a small square of what looked like folded paper. She went about unfolding it, and Barba realized it wasn’t a piece of paper, but a photo. It was so worn, so creased, that it was obvious how often she had needed to look at it during her time undercover. Once unfolded, she handed it to Barba, looking away sheepishly, sipping at her coffee.

The picture was faded, even though it was timestamped as only four years ago. It was a snapshot of what looked like a fun night in a dark bar. Devon was on the left, wearing a plastic top hat that read “Happy New Year’s! 2010” and with a drink in hand. She looked like she was laughing in the picture. Hanging on her, arm wrapped around the people on either side of her, was Olivia. It looked like she was trying to have them hold her up, but her face showed that it wasn’t happening. The photographer must have gotten her mid-fall—her mouth was open in a comical “O” shape. Barba only knew the man on the right because Olivia had showed her pictures before; his name was Elliot Stabler, Liv’s old partner. He wore a hat matching Devon’s, and it looked like Olivia was taking him down with her. His mouth was open in surprise, though a smile tugged at the corners. It was a great picture of three friends enjoying the start of the new year. Barba hated that he felt a pang of loneliness and jealousy looking at it. He looked up from the picture to find Devon watching him, cheeks still red.

“That was the first time since my childhood that I had celebrated my birthday; that I even had friends to celebrate with,” Devon explained, taking the photo back and gazing at it lovingly.

“Your birthday is New Year’s Eve?”

“Day, actually,” she corrected. She took one last look, then folded it up, stuffing it back into the phone case, popping it back on and replacing it in her pocket.

Barba wasn’t quite sure what to say. He was glad she had people to celebrate with, but also felt sad that it took her so long to find that kind of acceptance in her life. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said softly. There was nothing else to say. He was touched that she had opened up to him, had shown him something so personal.

Like in the park, they were both so enraptured in their thoughts that they stopped paying attention to their surroundings, especially their body language. They both had the same, stupid grin on their faces, as they stared into each other’s eyes. Barba had his hand on the table between them, and Devon didn’t even realize that she had placed hers on top of it. They were slowly leaning closer to each other, lost in the depths of their eyes, the closeness that they felt. Thinking about how today was a perfect date, yet neither would admit to the other that it even was one; it was just a walk in the park between friends. Sharing an intimate secret between friends. Holding hands, sharing a pastry, leaning closer, heads tilting, eyes closing…as friends….

Devon’s phone started ringing loudly, and they both jumped back, ripping their hands off the table. Devon fished her phone back out of her pocket, heart beating wildly. What just happened?

Barba looked flushed and a little…disappointed, grabbing his coffee and taking a sip, adverting his eyes. Devon looked at her phone screen, seeing her boss’s name lighting up across it.

“Uh oh…” she mumbled before answering. “Motely.”

“Is there a reason that NYPD’s Internal Affairs just handed me a file on you shooting a man two days ago?” Jenkins asked. He wasn’t angry; he just sounded tired.

Shit. “Oh, I meant to call you about that, sir,” Devon replied, heart still pounding. Her mind was going a mile a minute, stuck between thoughts of shooting Marco, IAB, and almost, maybe, about to kiss a certain counselor who was still avoiding her eyes. “You see, it’s a long story….”

“Well, you’d better come in and explain it to me, then.”

Devon looked to Barba, sipping innocently at his coffee. How much coffee does he still have? “Uh, permission to bring a civilian?” He finally looked at her at that, brow furrowed.

Jenkins sighed; he knew better than to ask questions. “Granted. Get here. Now.” And with that, he hung up.

Devon slowly put her phone down. She looked deeply into Barba’s green eyes. “Ever wanted to go to the FBI Headquarters?”

FBI Headquarters

Saturday, May 2nd. 12:37pm

Devon led Barba into the elevator leading to her boss’s office, his visitor badge bouncing off his chest.

“This is not what I had planned today when we agreed on a day off,” he mumbled, the doors closing behind them. Devon smirked.

“Sorry about this. I could’ve left you with a detective, if you really wanted. Or you can go back to the lobby; one of the field agents can watch you.”

Barba scoffed. “I’m not a child for you to pass around.”

“Then stop complaining like one,” she replied. He glared at her, and she stuck her tongue out in response. The elevator doors dinged and opened, and Devon led him down the long hallway to Jenkins’s office.

“Come in,” he said before she even had a chance to knock. Barba gave her a look, eyebrows raised. She shrugged in a yeah, that’s normal way, then opened the door for him, following him in. Jenkins kept his office space neat, tidy; a desk with two monitors, a couple of full bookshelves, and a small conference table in the corner. Although he was the Assistant Director, in charge of multiple sectors of field agents, he still didn’t spend much time in his office, usually only resigning to the space at night or on weekends to do paperwork. Much like Olivia, he worked his way up from field agent, and his heart and mind were still out in the field. He had trouble sitting still for too long, and was often out of the office, running teams or even in the field himself as much as possible. Which was why everyone respected him, whether they liked him or not.

“Counselor,” Jenkins said in his deep voice, nodding to Barba, before turning back to Devon. “Motely, report.”

Devon took a deep breath, then filled him in on everything that had happened since the end of January, starting from the night she met Barba, to talking to Olivia, to accepting the 24/7 protection of the ADA. “I honestly didn’t think it would be this…extensive,” Devon finished, lacking a better word. It was true, though; she knew what 24/7 protection was like, but she had only ever done it for a weekend at most. Never for months at a time. And though she knew that there was the chance of it lasting longer than she thought, it was different talking about it and actually doing it.

“So, this shooting of Marco Sorrel was in defense of Mr. Barba here,” Jenkins replied, looking at the case file from IAB.

“Yes sir.”

“And this protection order is still in effect? That’s why you brought him here, I take it?”

“Yes sir.” Devon felt Barba tense next to her; she had almost forgot he was there. He had said nothing since coming into the office. He knew when to bite his tongue.

“For how much longer? I need my top agent back to work.”

That knocked the wind out of Devon’s sails. It was the confirmation that after this was over, she would be going right back to work for the FBI. She wasn’t surprised, but it did solidify her resolve; she could not have a relationship with Barba, regardless of their feelings. She basically already told him as much that one day they talked a little too loosely about relationships.

“To my knowledge, there’s only 7 more Aces active in the city. Once they’re arrested, and the hit on Barba is off, I’ll be cleared for work again, sir,” Devon informed him.

Jenkins smirked. “Only 7? Tell that SVU Sergeant that I’ll make sure it’s taken care of before the weekend is over. I want to see you here, bright and early, on Monday morning; there’s a sex-trafficking ring I need you in on.”

Devon felt her stomach drop, her world crumbling. But she kept her face neutral, her voice steady. “Y-yes sir,” she said. Hearing the dismissal in his voice, she turned, Barba following suit, and left the office.

Apartment of Rafael Barba

Saturday, May 2nd. 3:05pm

“So, are we going to talk about it?” Barba finally asked from the kitchen. They both had been silent leaving the Bureau, and even more distant on the ride back to Barba’s loft. They tried small talk, but it sizzled out after a couple words. They both resigned to doing their own thing; Devon researching on her laptop, Barba doing the dishes from breakfast.

“Talk about what?” Devon replied, but she knew. Of course, she did. But she wanted to hear him say it.

Barba sighed, turning off the water. He placed the last pan on the drying rack, drying his hands off before coming to stand in the doorway. “Let’s be adults about this. Please. You know what,” when Devon stayed silent, Barba continued, “about what happened, well, what almost happened at the café. About the fact that you’re going to be leaving soon. About…about where that leaves us.”

Devon’s heart fluttered when he said “us.” God, she wanted there to be an “us” so damn badly. But she couldn’t force herself to take that leap, to fully commit to him. How could she, when both of their schedules were so busy, so crazy? Jenkins said it himself; she was about to go right back into the field. She could be gone for months, years at a time. She could be hurt or worse. How could she possibly hurt Barba like that, put him through that?

“The café was a mistake,” she said as flatly as she could. She stared at his chest, not able to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, Rafael, but there isn’t an ‘us.’ This is a job, and once it’s over, I’m back to working with the Bureau.” Devon was glad that there were no tears in her eyes; her years of training, of becoming personas were coming in handy, even if her own heart was breaking at her words. She dared a glance into Barba’s face.

He was crestfallen, his face falling. He had been sure, was positive, that she had felt the same way about him. Especially when they brushed hands in the park, when they almost kissed in the café. It took him weeks and weeks to build up the courage to make a move, and when her hand had enveloped his at that table, he knew that that was his moment. Then that damned phone call happened. And then, that damned meeting with her boss! And now she was going to leave him, by tomorrow if her boss was correct. That’s why he had to tell her, he had to know if she had felt the same.

“I thought you said that we were friends. That you cared about me,” he said softly. God, he sounded desperate, pathetic, even to himself.

Devon’s eyes softened, if only for a moment. “You are, and I do. But Barbs, we can’t be any more than that. You know that, right?” Her resolve was shaking under his intense stare. She could see him caving in on himself, his shoulders slumping slightly, his head falling, knees bending. His whole body language just screamed defeated. And she was the one delivering the blows.

He took a deep breath, stiffening his spine, raising his head; the prosecutor heading into a losing battle. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be putting you in this kind of situation. Forget I mentioned it.” With that, he made his way down the hallway and into his room, closing his door softly behind him. Devon opened her mouth but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Great, she thought. There goes that friendship. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, though; it made things a little less awkward. And it made her leaving easier. Plus, it’d be just like one of her many one-night stands anyways. No attachments: just cut all ties when she left. And leave the broken pieces of her heart behind.

As if the timing couldn’t be more perfect, Devon got an incoming call, from Olivia.

“Motely,” she answered, trying to sound professional.

“Devon! Great news: all the Aces have been rounded up and delivered to the NYPD. Did you call in the Feds to help?” Olivia asked.

Devon smiled grimly. “No, but my boss did offer his assistance after getting IAB’s report.”

“Well, he certainly assisted. Also, I just got a report that said that an hour ago, the Aces in Rikers got in a fight with the 32nd street gang in the prison courtyard. Jorge Ramirez was killed in the scuffle,” Olivia paused, letting her words sink in. “To our knowledge, the hit on Barba has been called off; you can go home, now.”

Devon sat in silence, trying to figure out what the hell the bombardment of emotions she felt was; it was all too much, too quickly. “Devon? You there?” she heard Liv say.

“Yeah, yeah sorry, I’m here. That’s…that’s great news, Liv. I’ll be sure to tell Barbs; I’m sure he’ll be relieved.”

They talked for a few more minutes before Devon made an excuse to hang up, citing the fact that she needed to pack and go grocery shopping before heading home. She sighed heavily, rubbing her hands over her face, but she stood and started collecting her small number of possessions.

“It’s done, isn’t it?” a voice came from down the hallway. Devon stopped, but didn’t turn to look.

“Yes; all the Aces have been arrested. Plus, Ramirez was shanked in a prison fight, so the hit’s been called off,” she turned to look at the man now, “congratulations, Barbs. You’re no longer a marked man.”

The door to his bedroom was wide open and Barba was leaning casually against the doorframe. Well, as casually as he could; his body was tight with tension, as much as he tried to hide it, and if Devon looked closely, she could see a small red ring around his eyes. He gave a stiff nod, peeling himself off the doorframe and coming out into the living room. Devon finished packing her things, zipping up her grip and slinging it over her shoulder. She felt a slew of emotions run through her; she needed to get out of there, but she was rooted to the spot.

“When will I see you again?” Barba murmured. It was barely a whisper, so quiet that it was hard to tell if he actually said it, or if Devon imagined it.

She gave him a soft smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m sure we’ll end up working on a case together at some point…I do help SVU from time to time,” she replied quietly. He gave her another stiff nod, not trusting himself to speak. She no longer trusted her own voice, and turned away, unable to look at his face anymore. She felt tears spring to her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly, swallowing past the lump in her throat. Devon made her way to the front door, unlocking it, opening it slowly.

“Wait,” Barba finally choked out. Devon froze at the door, one foot already in the hallway. She looked over her shoulder at him, eyes softening for a moment. His mouth opened and closed a couple times, but no sound came out.

She gave him a small smile. “Stay safe,” she whispered, and then she was gone.

 *********************

Devon didn’t go straight home. It was still early in the evening; the sun still hadn’t set, and it was still warm out. She also didn’t call a cab; instead opting to simply wander the streets, the grip slung over her shoulder soon forgotten as her mind, too, began to wander. She made it a full block before the tears began to flow, slowly at first, but then soon falling freely. She let them, ignoring the stares from strangers she walked by. It was good to let it all out, especially here, outdoors, rather than in her own space. She did wander in the general direction of her apartment—she lived about a 30-minute walk from Barba’s loft—and she took her time, weaving in and out of the streets. Finally, with the sun setting, and her shoulder growing sore from the weight, she made her way home.

 *********************

Apartment of Devon Motely

Saturday, May 2nd. 7:35pm

After her undercover op in California, Devon had the cleaners from the FBI clean her place so that it wasn’t dusty or gross. This was not the case with the past three months with Barba; the place had obviously not been inhabited. Dust covered every surface, there was a weird smell that wasn’t there before, and it was stuffy. Devon sighed, having no motivation to clean anything, emotionally drained. She looked at the clock and sighed again, realizing she hadn’t eaten anything besides breakfast and the little pastry at the café by the park, right before everything fell apart. She should eat, but she didn’t feel hungry. She didn’t really feel anything right now except for emptiness…a longing, and a loneliness that she hadn’t felt in years.

She went to her room and checked her bed, sniffing the sheets. They smelled musty, and she knew she couldn’t sleep in that. She stripped the sheets and threw them on the floor in the corner; that was a tomorrow problem. She went to her closet and pulled out her back-up sheets but couldn’t bring herself to make the bed. Instead, she threw them on the bed in a heap and made her way to the kitchen. Hungry or not, she should eat something, especially if she planned on drinking—and she did plan on drinking; maybe it would help lessen some of the emptiness, though she knew, deep down, that that was a load of crap.

First things first, she looked in her liquor cabinet, finding some cheap whiskey. Fingers crossed, she looked in her fridge and, hallelujah, she found an unopened bottle of Coca Cola. She quickly made herself a strong drink, then took another look in the fridge. No food to be found. She checked her pantry next. A couple cans of soup and some long-expired rice. She winced, remembering that she had been gone for over three years now; she really needed to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

Sighing, she grabbed a box of instant rice and opened it. It wasn’t fuzzy or discolored, so she presumed it was fine. The alcohol she was drinking would kill anything in it, anyways. While waiting for the water to boil, she unpacked her grip, throwing the clothes in a laundry bin, plugging in her laptop, and taking out her toiletries, to be replaced with new ones tomorrow. She went back to the kitchen, grabbed a notepad, and started making a list of foods. Once done, she had a thought, and went to her supply closet. After checking the small amount of cleaners she had, she added ones she needed to the list too. She was on autopilot, thoughts blank, afraid to stop moving. Actions kept her thoughts at bay. Speaking of moving, she realized that she could finally go back to the gym tomorrow morning, something that she thought she’d be excited for, but in this state, it was a dull thought. She dreaded the pain she’d be in tomorrow—her little morning routine wasn’t intense enough to replace a gym workout—but knew it would be worth it in the end.

Satisfied with her list, Devon took her food and drink, then sat in her living room. She didn’t like how the apartment didn’t seem…familiar, not in the way she was used to, or how his had felt. Even with her work, she had lived in this apartment for about seven years now, and it was always a welcome relief coming home. Now, it was like a piece was missing. Suddenly, the silence was pushing in on her, deafening her. She lunged for the TV remote, turned on whatever sports station she could find, and sat there, picking at her rice as the announcers were droning on about…the Mets. It didn’t really matter what was on, as long as there was continuous talking, hence, sports.

It didn’t take long, though, before the monotone voices seemed to tune out of her consciousness. Devon finished her food and drink, went back to the kitchen to dispose of her dishes, and brought the whiskey and coke back to the couch with her. She quickly lost count of drinks, thinking more and more about, well, everything that happened the past couple months. She remembered the first night she had met the ADA, before she knew who he was. She thought about how he didn’t want her help at first, how he had told Olivia that he didn’t need her. How she had made a deal with him that she’d never bother him again afterwards.

She thought about those first few weeks together, about how they were awkward around each other, learning about each other. She thought about how fascinated she was the first time she watched him in court, the pride and awe the first time he won a conviction. She remembered how his eyes lit up, how he set his jaw when he ran through his arguments with her in his office. She remembered how his green eyes conveyed concern when she got stabbed in the shoulder. She remembered his little smirk when he found something amusing. She wondered when she noticed all these little things about him.

She was shocked when she felt the tears on her cheeks, didn’t notice them pooling in her eyes. So, what if she loved him? It wasn’t going to work; she knew that! She had to move on with her life, let him move on, too. He deserved someone who could love him with their whole heart, who could be there for him when he needed them. She couldn’t be that person; she was always on call, and it was never a guarantee that see would come home at night.

Devon let out a loud sniffle, trying to control her emotions. It was final; she would forget about Rafael Barba. She would get a good night sleep, clean her apartment tomorrow, and then go back to work on Monday. And that was that. She finished her drink, wiped the tears out of her eyes, then went to her room. She saw the sheets clumped on her bed and let out a frustrated scream.

[queerchoicesblog]

Ghost of You (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele)

So this is my very first SC Titanic fanfic: I am excited to post it and well I suppose I should warn you that probably Zetta x Adele fictions will be rather long as this love story features themes that are very dear and meaningful to me, such as 1. well, obviously the Titanic story, 2. references to beginning of the century cinema (love very old and b&w movies), 3. sapphism and 4. femminism/suffragette movement. It’s basically everything I could have ever asked for. The Gentleman Jack fans out there might find a reference here...

So here I tried to imagine what brought Zetta to write that little note to Adele after basically disappearing. Loved that scene and I had to try and portray her turmoil, her missing Adele but also, as any historical lesbian (maybe not only historical), fearing the strings of society and their effect on their love and her beloved suffragette. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I quoted some pieces of dialogue from the original book

Word Count: 2555

Zetta x Adele Tag: @marmolady @animus-and-anima @hayley-carter19 @escako @everlastingchoices @andrxrneda @aestheticsayeed @eleanorwaverrley @indescribablechoices @ahrielstuff @lvcley @nazario-sayeed

________________________

Two rapid knocks on the door then:

“Are you there, doll? Can I come in?”

Richard’s voice abruptly brought Zetta’s back to reality, involuntarily making her jump in her seat.  She blinked twice as if wakingg from a dream and took a quick look around. She couldn’t recall how long she had been sitting at her vanity lost in her thoughts with a brush in her hand. She just couldn’t focus that day as she was haunted by memories of the past. But Richard didn’t have to know, mustn’t have to know. She put down the brush and quickly fixed her hair before adjusting her robe to limit the skin exposure to the minimum: after all, they weren’t married yet…and her heart didn’t belong to Mr. King. Only after that, she answered loud enough to be heard on the other side of the ebony door:

“Sure, darling”

She resumed her interrupted makeup session, pretending to be fully taken by that routine that didn’t bring her the usual joy anymore. She looked at herself in the mirror and put on a practiced smile: it would have been enough to fool her fiancé.

Richard entered her boudoir and theatrically opened his arms as a seasoned professional: he mentioned that he started as an actor before becoming a stellar director.

“My love, every time I see you I’m completely blinded by your beauty. You’re the brightest star in the sky, even brighter than Venus itself” he said moving closer and kneeling beside her chair.

“…And you’re gonna be the most radiant woman at the party tonight. The belle of the ball, la plus belle” he added, courtly taking her free hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles.

He looked up at her with a dashing smile.

“Trés charmant, Richard…but are you done with poetry?” she smirked, retrieving her hand and resuming her previous core.

“Ah, la belle dame sans merci!” Richard exclaimed before falling back to the floor holding a hand on his chest.

“Silly” Zetta laughed and she was soon joined by Richard who stood again and leaned on her table.

“I can’t help it around you, doll, apologies” he shrugged, flashing her another smile.

Zetta had to summon all her acting expertise not to cringe at “doll”. She hated it when every fiber of her being when Richard -or any other men- called her “doll”. Even her first director called her so, even her husband…doll, as if that was all she was to them: a beautiful toy, maybe a collectible but not truly a woman. Not truly Zetta.

Instead, she mirrored his smile and threw him a quick look before methodically applying some rouge on her cheek.

“So, what are you dying to say that can’t wait?”

“Seeing you isn’t a reasonable excuse?”

Richard was a charming man, without doubt. He wasn’t a bad man or so it seemed to her but she had been deceived by men who swore to only want the best for her that it was hardly possible for Zetta to fully trust any of them. And a man could have never won her heart.

As she flashed him just one of her enigmatic smile, he spoke again:

“Fine, you got me: I just wanted to see you and to remind you that our producers are expecting us at Rao’s for dinner in an hour. We should leave soon” he gave an apologetic smile and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Will we be there in time?”

“We will, I promise you” Zetta confirmed then made a show of shooing him away. “Now shoo, call Sabine and let me get dressed or else we will be late”

Richard raised his arms in surrender, laughing. Then he pressed a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I’ll get off of your hair, doll”

Zetta resumed her makeup as Richard moved towards the door. He was halfway out when

“Oh I almost forgot! I spoke to Alan yesterday and he loved the movie: the story of the two sisters reunited in the midst of chaos on the sinking ship is just perfect, so heart-warming-“

“Yes, it truly is heart-warming” Zetta commented, losing focus again.

“The story is real, right? You met at least one of them on board, didn’t you?”

Zetta’s voice lowered as memories started surfacing back.

“Yes, we were…rather close”

“If they survived, we should track them down and invite them at the movie: it would be great if they could talk to the press. Journalists love stories like this: I can see the headlines alrea-“

“We’ll see, Richard. Now please go call Sabine”

She tried to keep her voice from betraying her feelings, but she could feel a rush of anger surging. She would have never handed the Carrem sisters and such a private and tragic moment of their lives to those shameless sharks who go under the name of journalists. The subtle hint of heartbreak and they prey the unfortunate victims like vultures over a corpse: they wouldn’t stop until they had dissected those aching hearts, leaving them to bleed out. No, she would have done everything in her power to prevent this.

The story she wrote down when asked to bring the grim fate of the Titanic on the big screen was fiction: inspired by true facts but fiction. Zetta was smart enough to know that life and fiction are two separate things and that an edulcorated tale of those most tragic hours was all the world could take: the people of New York, who weren’t there that night, would have been overwhelmed by the real story.

Still, when she sat at her desk and started writing a draft of the script her mind immediately turned to…Adele.

She didn’t even notice Richard leaving the room as the silhouette of Miss Carrem clouded her thoughts. Finally alone, her face fell and she shut her eyes as if to prevent the memory from fading away.

Adele, most gracious, fearless Adele…

Her lips curled into a sad smile as she reminisced their first meeting. She was sitting in her suite smoking and listening to James making some pointless speech when the door opened and Teo stepped in followed by Adele. She had the beauty of a Greek goddess and the look of someone who was going through a lot. She clearly felt out of place among finely dressed first-class passengers in the lavish room but she kept her head high. Zetta remembered feeling the urge to know what troubled her but she put on her mask, the sardonic film star ever out of reach. And then…was it a brave move or just an insane one? Adele told her of her arrest, of prison. Everyone else would have hidden from her, a new employer and Zetta Serda…not Adele. She handed her everything she needed to destroy her life as if it was no big deal. Zetta was taken aback and searched her green eyes for any sign of mockery but find none: the stranger girl truly trusted her with her life. That’s when she realized how unique Miss Carrem was.

Adele found a way to her heart effortlessly as if she had the map from the very start. When she placed her hand over hers in the projection room, she startled Zetta: whenever she had made the fatal mistake to show her vulnerable side to anyone, they would have used it against her to make her feel weak or small…clearly in need of someone who would tell her what to do, to guide her. They would have refilled her glass with wine again and again instead of going for the simplest gesture: taking her hand into theirs and comfort her. Making her believe with that touch that everything would have been fine, and she was stronger than whatever life threw her.

For a moment, as Adele held her hand, she felt safe, pacified, something she had never experienced with any of her supposed lovers. She couldn’t even be mad at her secretary when she revealed her James’ plan and the true reason behind his bailing her out of jail. She was shocked, obviously but she also couldn’t believe that Adele, brave foolish Adele, had put her life into her hands again. “I’m perfectly aware of the risk I’m taking by revealing this to you but you deserve to know. I cannot keep this from you” she said, looking her right in the eye.

Those eyes…they took Zetta’s breath away whenever they ignited with the fire sparking inside her. She could have lost herself in their green depths when they gleamed with pride and mischief as she proposed a toast to the vote to women or whenever their eyes met. She got lost in them when their lips touched, and they grew dark with desire. How daring and foolish they had been in the Turkish baths…but she couldn’t bring herself to regret that moment of ecstasy when she felt free and truly loved, for once. She could still shiver remembering Adele’s touch, the way her lips traced down her body with reverence and adoration, the soft moans the tender girl in her arms suffocated hiding her face in the crook of her neck as she melted under her caresses. In those stolen embraces she knew happiness.

How happy she felt whenever Adele was around: just exchanging a brief look across the room would make her heart flutter.

Then other memories surged and Zetta felt tears welling her closed eyes. Her birthday night, that cursed birthday night…Adele and her sneaking away from the party to find a private spot on the deck. The wine, the cold breeze of the ocean, Adele’s silvery laughter at her tipsy enthusiasm, how she craved those sweet lips all night.

“If I’m honest, I don’t even want to reach shore, I don’t want to go back to the party…I just want to stay out here with you. Forever.”

Adele’s tender smile in agreement.

“Let’s just make a tent of this blanket – we can live off seal meat and rainwater”

Her tipsy proposal made the two of them laugh again.

“What about your acting career?” Adele inquired, a smile lingering on her face.

“We’ll make our own plays. Whaddya say?”

God, how those words sounded different now…how she would have given everything to have Adele there to cup her face and give her a slow, deep kiss. But Adele wasn’t by her side anymore…she lost sight of her when her agent and Richard dragged her and James away from the crowd at the New York pier.

She hadn’t written her ever since that day and she felt so impossibly guilty because of that: Adele must have thought she had forgotten about her after all her words of love on the ship. Maybe she felt used, maybe she hated her by now and cursed the memory of her. She would have reasons to hold a grudge to her…the truth was that happiness and love are hard to accept if you have never truly had them before and if they came from a woman loving another woman.

Zetta had tried to write her a thousand time but every time she had made an effort to put her feelings into words, her lines rang hollow. Yet the words that got stuck in her throat when Adele pulled her into a corner and confessed that no matter what happened that night she needed to tell that she loved her were clear in her mind.

The months spent parted from you are the saddest time of my life. I’m haunted by you, the ghost of you. You’re everywhere: even if I’m silent, not an hour passed where I haven’t thought of you. I tried not to, but whenever I closed my eyes, there you were. I love you and I can’t live without you, without your smile, your wit, your touch. I just can’t but how can I ask you to be with me in the dark? I can’t step back from this wedding and I don’t want you to be a secret mistress: that would squalid and offensive when you are the one I want to give all of me. To marry, if that was even a possibility for us so that I could spend every single day of my life with you, waking up with you by my side, taking care of you…making you happy. Your absence makes even breathing hard, not to mention smiling to strangers, “capitalist pigs” as you would say…I even try and talk like you do, you see? But I find myself wondering: will I make you happy if I have to hide our love from the world? Kiss you only behind closed doors? Let you see me marry a man? You’re a free spirit, my love, I don’t want to put you in a cage because our love, our pure love would be a scandal and a scandal would ruin everything I worked for since I was even younger than you. I don’t want you to spend your life as a ghost yet I find myself craving to see your face one more time as living without you is barely surviving but all the light has gone as I lost you.

Suddenly she felt someone placing their hands on her shoulders.

“Let me help you here, Madame”

She opened her eyes and saw Sabine, smiling sympathetically down at her. She tried and failed to mirror her smile as her mascara was now running down her cheeks.

Sabine helped her to her feet and took care of everything. Zetta let her washed up her face and helped her into her shiny evening dress: she felt like a child in the hands of a loving mother. When she was putting on her earrings, the final touch, Sabine handed her a small stack of envelopes.

“The invitations to the movie screening and party” she explained. “It’s October first, I would suggest to send them first thing tomorrow to ensure that everyone get the invitation within reasonable notice. It wasn’t easy to find all the addresses, but I did my best”

“I’m sure you did, Sabine. Thank you for taking care of it.” Zetta said as she checked the succession of familiar names of former passengers and famous colleagues. “I will sign them personally when we come back from the party”.

“Excellent” Sabine nodded.

Then as Zetta placed the stack on her desk, she presented her a single envelope.

“I hope you don’t mind if I requested a faster delivery for this one” she added before bowing her head curtly and leaving the room. “Have a nice evening, Madame”

Zetta read the name handwritten on the last envelope where a different stamp had been appointed.

‘Mademoiselle Adele Carrem’

A lump formed in her throat but she forced herself not to cry and just smile, mentally thanking Sabine: she had found her. Following nothing else but her instinct, Zetta picked out the invitation and signed it with her fountain pen. Then, as Richard called her name, she grabbed a slip of paper and wrote a brief note:

“Please come, my love. I must see you again. Yours, Zetta”.

She folded everything back into the envelope and finally left her room as a newfound hope kindled inside her.

[halstudandruz]

No Sugarcoating It- Part 2 (NSFW)

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Greg Gerwitz x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Aftermath of Mouse leaving

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (18+)

A/N: Part 1 here

Two weeks had passed before you had stepped foot back in your house after that night. Emptiness filling it. Mouse had already packed his stuff storing it in a garage for the time he would be gone. He was supposed to be leaving that night, and your phone had done nothing but ring all day. Texts and calls from Jay flooding it until finally he swung the door open walking in with no warning. You looked up from where you were curled on the couch watching TV before averting your attention back to it seconds later ignoring the man hovered over you.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Jay huffed.

“What do you want, Halstead?” You spit back sitting up some.

“He’s leaving in less than an hour and here you are just laying here.” Jay gestured clearly annoyed.

“What’s your point?” You grumbled.

“You’re honestly not going to say goodbye?” He asked.

“We already said goodbye.” You stated emotions bubbling to the surface.

“A breakup is not a goodbye. At least not the one he deserves. You’ve been with him for 3 years and you think it’s fair to just-“ He lectured before you cut him off. Losing it at his choice of words.

“Don’t you DARE try and tell me what is fair and what isn’t right now, Jay Halstead. NONE of this is fair! We had a plan and he blew it up! How is that fair to me?” You yelled, jabbing a finger into his chest, voice cracking with each word making Jay’s face fall and sigh.

“[Y/N], I kn-“ He started to apologize.

“No. Just please leave.” You whispered barely enough for it to be heard. Shaking your head and walking up the stairs.

———-

Almost a year had passed since Mouse had left and you were still trying to pull yourself together. He sent you letters every month. Including pictures of him and his new team, telling you how much he missed you, informing you that he never went anywhere without your picture in his pocket and your hair tie on his wrist. You had yet to write him back, but you’d be lying if you said those letters weren’t the best part of your months regardless of the tears they usually evoked. Praying every single night that he was safe and he knew you still loved him.

It had taken you a good while to finally sleep in your old room again. Not wanting to take over the smell of Mouse still on your sheets so instead you slept in the guest room. It all seemed so silly to you. Sleepless nights, holding onto his old dog tags, wearing his shirts to bed. It was like you were acting like he was dead, but all he did was leave. You knew you were probably overreacting which only made the whole thing worse.

You had kept in touch with Jay. Usually having a weekly lunch date. At your most recent one he had informed you that Mouse was coming home on leave for a small period of time. They would be having a small get together at Molly’s that Friday night and he had begged you to come. You had declined over and over again, but as the day drew closer you couldn’t help but want to see him again. Maybe it would give you the closure to move on. Maybe you could finally get the peace you had been searching for, for the last year. Walking in that night it wasn’t hard to spot him. He looked mostly the same. Although his hair was still clean cut his face had a little more scruff than what he usually did, although you always told him you liked him with scruff, his shoulders were broader, arms bigger, and you had to fight the urge to run your fingers along them. It was him though. The same Greg you had fallen in love with four years ago. Sitting, laughing, smiling at those around him. Jay had been the only one who witnessed you walking in, locking eyes with you. Which meant he had also been the only one to see you turn around, walking straight back out. Your mind was racing, chest tightening, tears welling as you headed right for your car. It was crazy to you that the heartbreak still felt so raw. So real. You felt beyond ridiculous. How were you ever going to move past it? The thought only furthering your panic. Pulling out your phone you clicked on Jay’s name typing out a text.

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

You took a few deep breaths wiping the tears away before starting your car and heading back home. Feeling defeated you landed right on the couch turning on the TV. You felt numb. An hour later the movie you were watching was interrupted by a knock at the door. Regardless of knowing who it was your breath halted at the sight of him standing in your doorway. You sighed heavily as he stared at you uneasily chewing at his lip, a nervous habit you had quickly picked up on. Your emotions took over as you hauled yourself into his arms. He was taken back at first, but quickly welcomed the surprise squeezing you tightly against his body shoving his face into your neck. The familiar woodsy smell he had always carried washing over you. He picked you up carrying you into the living room, you once shared, kicking the door closed behind him. Legs still wrapped around his waist you pulled back to look at him, deep blue eyes staring back at you, quickly drowning in them like you always had.

You couldn’t have cared less what your head was saying at that moment as you grasped his face in your hands, pulling him to your lips. He sighed at the feeling, one hand going to the back of your neck to pull you closer, while walking over to lay you down on the couch. Collapsing on top of you he bit your bottom lip, slipping his tongue in your mouth when you gasped taking in the taste of you again. A taste he missed so desperately, hands roaming all over your body. When you moved to pull his shirt off his body he broke the kiss for a split second before moving down to attack your neck. Your fingers traced over his chest and abdomen noticing the scars you had become so familiar with. His hands massaged your breasts as he kissed and nipped at all your favorite places on your neck, earning many whimpers and quiet moans from you. Mouse reached behind you unhooking your bra before pulling you up with him, easily slipping it off along with your shirt, his shirt. As soon as it was discarded he laid you back down mouth going straight for your breasts, tongue flicking and swirling across your erect nipples. Arching up into him you reached down to undo his jeans quickly, taking a little longer than you would've a year ago, now out of practice. You stripped them off with his help as he sucked and kissed all over your body. Reaching down to take his dick into your hand he immediately groaned at your touch, hips shooting forward involuntarily. His face was shoved into the crook of your neck as you worked your hand up and down his shaft, remembering all the things he loved with ease. His hand moved down to your core fingers swiping up your folds, causing you to wiggle underneath him, wanting more. Slowly he began to rub circles around your clit, enjoying the little sounds that were flowing out of your mouth. Feeling his finger slowly slide into you, you couldn’t help but close your eyes tight missing the feeling of his fingers working you more than you had realized. Before long two of his fingers were inserted in your pussy thrusting in and out as his thumb rubbed your clit. You were a moaning mess as your hips moved to ride his hand. Whenever you felt your core start to tighten you reached down yanking his hand away from you. You watched as he brought his fingers up to his mouth licking them clean, eyes not leaving yours for a second. Your heart was beating hard against your chest. Seeing Mouse like this again, hair slightly messy, normal deep blue eyes a stormy gray, lips slightly swollen from your own lips and teeth tugging on them, and a pink tint to his cheeks. You always thought this was when he was the most gorgeous. Vulnerable, sexy, but also completely wrecked at the same time. He moved to line himself up with your entrance looking at you as he always had, no matter what the situation, no matter how rough and full of lust you were in the moment he had always stopped to get your permission. You had shifted closer to him as a way to say go ahead. He took the hint slowly burying himself in you. Pain making you whine immediately. Even though he had worked his fingers in you it had obviously been a while since you had sex, and Mouse definitely didn’t have a small dick. He leaned down to kiss you stopping in his tracks to let you adjust before moving any further. Your fingers threaded in the hair at the nape of his neck kissing him deeply and gently tugging at it every time you wanted him to go further. Once he bottomed out he let out a loud groan against your lips he had clearly been holding in. You moved your hands to grip his biceps nails slightly digging as he moved his hands between your hips and breasts. Slowly he started to move against you picking up a rhythm while the pleasure started to take over you quickly.

“Oh god, Greg.” You moaned loudly as he moved in and out of you slowly.

“Man, I forgot how amazing you felt. So fucking amazing baby.” He growled in your ear, nibbling at your earlobe making goosebumps rise at your skin like it always did, earning a chuckle from Mouse. Loving that he could affect you like that no matter how many times he did it. As he started to move faster your moans started to get louder and more frequent.

“Wow..I missed your moans so much babygirl. It’s the best sound in the world. I missed you so much.” Mouse mumbled thrusting harder into you in order to earn more noises. Switching his position slightly he earned a yelp from you as he hit your sweet spot. Smirk appearing on his face.

“Yes baby. Right there. Oh my god. I missed you so much.” You cried as he fucked you into the couch. The words coming from your lips were beyond sinful as Mouse fucked you harder than he ever had before. Harder than you ever thought was possible. Feeling your stomach tighten you raked your nails down his back purposely leaving marks, “M-Mouse..I’m..s-so fucking close..” You barely got out before the waves of pleasure overwhelmed your body. Arching up into him, bright white dots covered your eyelids as you felt yourself shaking violently against Mouse, muscles contracting as his name along with curse words and a few I love yous flowed from your mouth. As you began to regain consciousness coming down from your high you heard Mouse’s breath go ragged head shoving into your shoulder.

“Yes! Oh fuck yes, [Y/N]! I love you so much. Holy shit.” Mouse moaned into your skin stubble tickling you while you felt his dick twitch hard before spurts of warmness filled within you. Greg’s body went stiff before relaxing and collapsing down onto you, both of you breathing hard and still slightly shaking. Once he regained some strength he leaned down to pick a shirt up to clean you up. It was then that he realized what you had been wearing.

“This is..my shirt..you were..” He stated kind of confused.

“Yeah and it’s my favorite one so if you could not use it as a cum rag I’d appreciate it.” You spat back swiping the CPD shirt out of his hand as the anger started to set in. Standing up you slid it on as well as the shorts that were on the floor heading to the bathroom to clean yourself up. When you came back out Mouse was putting on his shirt now fully dressed. Looking up whenever he heard your footsteps.

“[Y/N]..” He sighed moving to step towards you.

“No. This was a bad idea..” You shook your head stepping back.

“Stop that.” Greg begged sadly.

“Stop what?” You retorted.

“Putting up a wall, and pushing me away.” He answered.

“I’m not.” You mumbled.

“I know you better than the back of my hand, [Y/N]. I know how you work. Can we just please talk about this.” His jaw was clenched tight, shoulders tense. You look at him not moving, lump clear in your throat, tears clouding your eyes as you tried to blink them away. He took your silence as a good thing stepping towards you, but his movement quickly had you shaking your head in panic.

“No.” You stated, voice hoarse as the tears started to fall down your cheeks.

“[Y/N]...” Mouse almost whined.

“I can’t do it again. I can’t say goodbye. You can’t keep doing this to me.” You cried sobs starting to escape your lips, crumbling your body. At the sight Mouse had you tight in his arms in seconds. You melted into his body, always feeling safe and protected in his grip no matter the circumstances. Mouse’s hands were tight against your body one of them smoothing your hair. He moved you over to the couch picking you up and sitting you down in his lap letting you cry against him. All of the emotions from the last year bubbling over as you soaked his shirt, hiccuping from your quick and ragged breaths.

“My goodness babygirl. You gotta calm down. Take some deep breaths for me.” Mouse soothed you rubbing a hand up and down your back, kissing your head. Once you finally had calmed down some he took your face in his hands swiping your tears away with his thumbs even though it was likely a lost cause at that point. Bringing your forehead to his lips gently to press a kiss. “I’m not leaving.” He stated.

“What?” You leaned back confused as a small smile played on his lips.

“I’m not leaving.” He repeated.

“I don’t understand.” You admitted, sniffling a little.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. This last year has been hell, and not just because of where I was. I could handle that, but because I didn’t have you on my side. That’s what I came here to tell you but you had other plans evidently.” He joked making you glare at him, “There wasn’t a day that had passed where you weren’t on my mind. The guys in my squad probably know more about you than their own wives and girlfriends at this point with how much I talked about you.” He admitted, making you giggle lightly. “I talked to my captain. Because of what happened last time he told me he could get me honorably discharged.” He explained making you stare at him in shock. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you told me that night. Couldn’t stop imagining what it’d be like to bring our babies home to this house or what it’d be like to be woken up by them jumping on our bed at 5am Christmas morning. There wasn’t an ounce of me that didn’t regret leaving. Every single night. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe that you weren’t being serious. That you would stay with me even despite what you said, but whenever you didn’t show up at the airport..” he trailed off looking at the floor before clearing his throat and shaking his head, “I just should’ve known then to turn around. You really are the love of my life and I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.” He sighed heavily, tears visibly clouding his eyes. You didn’t know what to say. So instead you pulled his lips to yours. Putting every bit of emotion you were feeling into the kiss. Pulling back to get a breath you laid your forehead on his.

“I love you so much. You have absolutely no idea.” You confessed, fingers ghosting over the stubble on his face. “And I missed you more than you could ever know.” You leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the top of his nose making him smile. It didn’t take long at all for your clothes to be shed on the floor again. Reveling in the feeling of being in his arms again.

Tagging those who mentioned they wanted a part 2:

@fuelledbyfanfiction @lotsoflovefromlea @sasbb23 @georgiagrl1990 @gottaboopthesnoot

[letdecemberburninflames]

Pain in the Ass

Aperçu: When Vince gifts his sister a backstage pass to a show, he is unaware that she is already quite familiar with the band. Specifically, the drummer.

Fic Type: Tommy Lee x Reader, Brother!Vince Neil x Reader, The Dirt fanfic

Warnings: It’s Mötley fucking Crüe, dude.

Author’s Note: This is the first band fanfiction I’ve ever written (let alone Mötley Crüe), and the first actual fic I’ve written in a long time, so constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated.

*_*_*_*_*

Having an older brother had pros and cons. Especially when he was in an internationally renowned rock band. To all the girls in the audience, he was some sort of sex-god, above all wrongdoing and rebuke.

To me he was just a pain in the ass.

A pain in the ass who thought backstage-pass tickets to his show would forgive the fact that he forgot my birthday.

Forgetfulness must run in the family, because I had conveniently “forgot” to mention that I was dating the drummer of my brother’s band.

And that’s how I ended up here, lounging on a dressing room couch, watching Tommy Lee apply lipstick and rouge in preparation for the show. The room was a bit hazy from the cigarettes we were chain smoking, and several empty bottles of beer littered the floor. Clothes and belts were tossed haphazardly around (Tommy had been very indecisive about his costume tonight) and there was a pile of unfinished blow sitting on a cymbal perched precariously on the side table next to me. He had never been the cleanest guy- not that I cared. I had grown up around Vince for fucks sake. And to be fair, those were my boots on the floor, and a couple of the beer bottles had been mine.

“So dude,” Tommy smeared on some eyeliner, “when are we gonna tell your brother that we’re together?”

I sighed, and picked at a loose string from a seam of the couch. I could feel Tommy’s gaze as he watched my reflection in his vanity mirror.

“I mean, he’s bound to find out sooner or later… But you and me both know that he’ll lose his shit-”

Tommy smirked, “‘Cus I’m fucking his sister.”

I laughed, and half-heartedly threw one of my boots at him.

“You’re mean!” Tommy fake-whined, spinning around in his chair.

I rolled my eyes, “C’mere silly, you have coke on your nose.”

---

Vince strolled into the greenroom, half expecting to see Y/N chatting with Nikki and Mick. Well, chatting with Nikki and probably talking Mick to death. She never seemed to shut up.

No Y/N, but he did find the headband he’d been looking for. That and a beer.

“Hey, Nikki,” Vince took a swig of his Heineken and slapped the bassist on the back.  “Have you seen a girl about-” he raised his hand to indicate height, “yea high? Leather jacket and jeans?”

“What, you already lose a lady friend back here?” Mick raised an eyebrow.

“No man, I’m looking for my sister.”

Nikki shrugged, looking agitated. “I dunno, but do y’know where Tommy’s at? We’re on in ten.”

“Shit,” Vince spat.

Last week, he’d forgotten Y/N’s birthday, and in a half-assed attempt at an apology, he’d offered a backstage pass. Of course, she’d laughed in his face, but she took it anyways. Yeah, he kinda felt bad. But hey, he was busy. There were shows to put on, cities to visit, girls to fuck…

Mick looked up from practicing riffs on his guitar as Nikki stalked off to go find the missing drummer. “You have a sister?”

���Yeah, unfortunately.” Vince spun in a circle. “She’s not hiding in here, is she?”

“Fortunately, no.”

Vince collapsed on the couch opposite Mick’s, and downed a third of his beer. “She’s probably just making out with a roadie or some shit.”

“Wonder where she gets it from,” Mick muttered.

---

Nikki was in a sour mood. Well, more so than usual. The bass tech had somehow managed to lose one of the basses he was supposed to be playing tonight, and the replacement lacked the pyrotechnic abilities of the original, which completely ruined one of his favorite effects in the entire show. On top of that, Tommy was missing with less than ten minutes to showtime, and Vince had brought his fucking sister.

She was a pretty thing, though. Dripping with charisma, she wore a smile that matched Vinny’s and had a similar surfer-rock vibe. She had nice tits too. He had decided within two minutes of meeting her though that fucking her would feel too much like fucking a girl version of Vince and the idea of that creeped him out.

He stomped down the hallway, banging on doors in search of the drummer.

God fucking dammit, where the hell was Tommy?

Surely Doc had given him the ten minute warning. He was probably still in his dressing room jacking off or some shit.

Grumbling to himself, Nikki turned the corner and found the dressing room with Tommy’s name on the door. He lifted his hand to bang on the door and give Tommy a piece of his mind, when a noise stopped him.

A voice. A female voice.

Nikki chuckled. Of course that bastard had a girl in there. Very carefully, he cracked the door open, just enough to see what and who Tommy was doing.

Tommy was lounging on the dressing room couch, making out with a girl straddling him. The girl was wearing jeans and a leather jacket and- Shit!

Oh shit.

Nikki shut the door as quickly and quietly as possible. He grinned wildly. Tommy was making out with Vince’s sister. Vinny’s fucking sister!

Vince had to see this. He was going to fucking lose it when he found out.

Nikki flat out sprinted back to the greenroom where Vince was bitching to Mick about Y/N.

“She is such a pain in the ass. I can’t even believe-”

“Vince!” Nikki practically skidded to a stop in front of him. “Vinny, man, you gotta see this.”

Vince whined, “We’re on in like, five minutes! And I still gotta find Y/N!”

“No, really, you gotta see this.”

“Fine.”

As he followed Nikki back down the halls, Vince continued to complain. “Did you at least find Tommy?”

They turned down the last hallway to where the dressing rooms were, and Nikki shushed him. “Would you quit bitching for a second?”

Ever so slowly, Nikki inched open the door till they could see inside.

Tommy had abandoned his shirt on the couch, and Y/N had lost most of her clothing, with the exception of her leather jacket and underwear. She was seated on the vanity, Tommy standing between her legs, hands on her waist.

Vince lost it within the three seconds he had been peering through the cracked door.

“Y/N, WHAT THE FUCK?” Vince stormed in, leaving a bemused Nikki behind him in the doorway.

“Ever heard of knocking, asshat?” She snapped, pulling her jacket tight around her.

Tommy stood there, wide eyes darting between Y/N and Vince.

Just then, Mick appeared in the doorway. “We’ve got two minutes to- Oh.”

Nikki snickered as Mick took in the scene. Vince looked like he was going to strangle Tommy, who was desperately trying to pull his shirt back on and fix his hair. There was lipstick on his jaw. Based on their faces and Nikki’s giggling, it wasn’t too hard to figure out who the half-naked girl sitting on the vanity was.

“Vinny, this is my boyfriend, Tommy,” Y/N hopped off the vanity and pulled on her jeans.

“Yeah. No kidding.” Vince spat back.

“Sorry, man.” Tommy shrugged. “We were gonna tell you, but never really got around to it.”

“Uh huh.”

By this point, Nikki was full on losing it, on the ground laughing.

“What in the HELL is going on in here?” Doc poked his head in and pointed to his watch. “You all need to be on stage RIGHT NOW.”

Reluctantly, Vince decided not to kill Tommy right then and there. But as he walked past Y/N, he whispered, “You are SUCH a pain in the ass.”

She laughed and followed Mötley Crüe out of Tommy’s dressing room.

“Right back atcha, buddy.”

*_*_*_*_*

Permanent Tag List:

@lunarmoonwolf @silver-starburst @emotionalwierdo01  @thatshiscigar @asteriabrimstone @midnightwritingrussiancoffee @mismatch-the-socks

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Did Roman and Haley ever have any happy times?

Perfect

Being a CEO of a multi billion dollar corporation at eighteen, left a lot to be desired. He’d only been in charge for a few months, but between work, and being a father he felt like he was on his way to a nervous breakdown.

What he was doing walking through a park, when he should be getting his ass to work, was anyone’s guess, but something made him pull over and go to “their” tree.

(Flashback)

“Hey rich boy! My mom said that your daddy rather be dead than married to your mom!” A short round little boy with red hair and snagged teeth yelled at the tall lone boy.

“I bet he killed himself cuz you’re such a loser!” A blonde friend of the red head snarled. Two more boys Behind them laughed loudly.

The beautiful tall boy just ignored them kicking the dirt under his expensive shoes. Although he couldn’t be more than 9 or 10 he carried himself like someone that had seen far more in his life than his years should allow.

“HEY!!!” A high pitched voice took them all by surprise.

Roman (that was the beautiful boys name) looked up to see a beautiful, slightly dirty girl about his age. with golden pigtails that were crooked, yet still framed her delicate face, and big blue eyes, she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. She looked furious, and Roman secretly prayed she wasn’t mad at him. He’d never admit to being scared of a girl, but this girl made him feel uncharacteristically nervous.

“Oh man! Tell your bratty cousin to go away,” the red haired boy moaned.

“EXCUSE ME? Bratty? Brat-ty? You’re gonna pay!” With that, she grabbed a fallen branch that was long and wispy and started to mercilessly whip the red haired boy with it.

“Mike! Matt! Control her or I’ll -“ the boy yelled in between whacks.

Mike and Matt looked at one another and then ran away laughing, leaving their friend to deal with the crazy girl.

The blonde boy lurched forward to grab the girl but was blocked by Roman. “Mind your business rich boy!” He yelled before landing a punch square on Romans jaw, dazing him a bit.

“Run! Let’s ditch these freaks!” The blonde yelled and the two boys took off together, not once looking back.

Roman rubbed his face and turned to leave but then felt a small hand gently grab his arm. “You ok? Let me take a look at you. My mommy is a nurse!”

Roman stared wide eyed at the girl, but didn’t fight her efforts. He watched her as she examined him from different angles, noting how her pigtails swayed with every move of her head. She gently ran her fingers over the already swelling lump and winced when he fliched.

“Open your mouth and close it.” She instructed.

He obliged her and was rewarded with her dimpled smile. “It isn’t anything permanent. You’ll be ok.”

“Are you really related to the twins?” He asked distastefully.

“My aunt married their dad yesterday. That’s why we are in town so I guess I’m related to them now. They’re all jerks, I heard what they said to you. My daddy died too”

“I bet not on purpose like mine tho.”

“Mommy said it was an accident, but he died of too much medicine and he was a doctor.”

“That seems weird. Maybe he was bad at it.” Roman tried to reassure her. Comforting anyone besides his sister was strange to him.

“Do you want to be my friend? I’m Hailey. They named a comet after me!” She giggled, dancing around.

She was magnetic. He couldn’t take his eyes off her as she spun and twirled to a song only she could here. Although it was far more silly behavior than he was used to, it was refreshing. In a world as dark as Romans, it wasn’t often he found a source of light besides Shelly. But that realization made him worry his darkness would extinguish her light.

“I’m Roman and nobody is friends with me. You don’t wanna get made fun of.” He said forlornly. He liked this girl very much, but didn’t want to see her get picked on because of him. He expected her to leave, but she surprised him again.

“Nonsense! We’re a team you and I!” She sang, grabbing his hand and running to nowhere in particular. He couldn’t do anything but follow.

She smiled back at him and he couldn’t help but smile back. He knew his nanny would be mad he’d run off, but he wanted to spend all the time he could with this strange girl. They ran till they were out of breath, and then fell into the grass, rolling down a small hill. He got up and tried to brush off his clothes without much success. He wasn’t supposed to ever get dirty.

Still giggling, Hailey picked some flowers nearby and made a crown, before marching over, and placing it on his head. “There, now you’re king and no one can be mean to you ever again!”

Roman smiled for the umpteenth time since he’d met this strange girl, and took the crown off, and placed it on her head, “if I’m king, then you’re my queen and my queen will always have the best of everything.”

She laughed and then pecked him on the cheek before running away yelling, “tag you’re it.”

Just then his nanny marched into view “Roman Godfrey! What on earth are you doing over here with this urchin girl?” She said looking down at Hailey with distaste. “What would your mother think if she saw you with some dirty little girl, laughing and carrying on?”

Roman’s blood boiled. “Apologize to her right now!” He yelled.

“Excuse me? I never-“

“Apologize to my friend Hailey or I will tell my mother whatever I need to say, to make her make sure I get another nanny.” He bit out.

The older woman looked unsure as her eyes snapped between the two juveniles in front of her, trying to decide what action to take. Her eyes met Roman’s and it was as if her mind went blank as her face lost all semblance of any emotion.

“Apologize now.” Roman growled.

Hailey watched as the woman turned toward her, walked over in front of her, dropped to her knees and begged her forgiveness. Hailey was so surprised, she didn’t know what to say. She looked over at Roman in embarrassment, but forgot her predicament completely when she noticed blood falling from his nose.

“Oh my God Roman! You’re bleeding! What happened?” She panicked running over to him, unsure of what to do.

“I don’t know, i got this terrible pain in my head and it just started to bleed,” he said helplessly, with nothing on hand to curb the bleeding.

“I have an idea,” Hailey cried out as she sat down and removed her shoe and sock. “Here use my sock, it’s better than nothing.”

He hesitantly took the sock from her outstretched hand and pressed it against his nose. He was surprised to not smell any foul odor. He didn’t want to think about what he was doing though so he checked on his nanny, who was still on her knees, staring dumbly off into the distance.

“Well I better go back, I was only supposed to be getting Matt and mike for dinner so they’re probably wondering where I am.” She looked down at the ground sadly, not yet leaving, but seemingly out of words.

“Will you be here tomorrow?” Roman asked hopefully. “I mean I owe you a pair of socks.”

Hailey smiled, and tapped her finger on her lip thoughtfully, “well then I better make sure I’m here to collect.” She waved goodbye and then ran the direction the twins had gone.

(End flashback)

That had been the happiest time in his life. They had spent everyday together, exploring and going on adventures. Roman was kind of figuring out he could make the nanny do whatever he wanted, and eventhough the pain he felt when he pushed her to do as he pleased, Hailey made it all worthwhile.

Then one day she was gone. The twins would only tell him that her mother and her had moved away and were never coming back. Even when Roman tried the eyes trick, they had no answers. They honestly had no idea where they’d gone, and said her mother had fought with their stepmom and stormed out in the middle of the night.

Now here he was, nearly eight years later, standing by that same tree unable to forget that girl. For whatever reason, he’d never forgotten her and eventhough he’d since had just about any woman he wanted, none of them made him miss her less.

He had a reputation as a man whore and he supposed it was probably true but fucking all those women and then casting them aside, was never his intention. On the contrary, he actually was just looking for that feeling he’d felt when Hailey had taken his hand, and run off with him. But instead of feeling completely happy, he felt like he had betrayed Hailey, and he was disgusted with himself and whatever girl was not Hailey. He was insane!

Wasn’t he?

He chuckled as he felt the first few rain drops fall, marvelling at the whole situation, wondering who was in charge of his destiny. Whoever they were, they’re Terrible at it, he decided as he turned around to get back to his truck before the sky opened up. It was bad enough he was late, he didn’t want to be soaking wet as well.

Then he saw her and he froze. Eventhough they had changed and grown in nearly a decade, he knew without a doubt, Hailey was standing before him. He desperately wanted to say something, and honestly was a bit taken aback by his sudden case of cat-got-your-tongue, so he forced out exactly what he was thinking. He took a deep breath. Then another, trying to get his composure back. He appeared far more cool than he felt. He tried to speak again.

“Hailey I’ve missed you everyday,” he stated in a confident clear voice, that sounded far too human. Far too vulnerable for his liking. He mentally slapped himself, but he couldn’t look away from her. He felt that magnetic pull, except it was so strong, it was almost painful. He’d never wanted anything more in his life than he wanted this girl, and dammit Roman Godfrey got whatever he put his mind to.

She blushed the most beautiful shade of pink, and he nearly giggled with glee when those dimples appeared as she smiled warmly at him.

“Do you want to go somewhere? We’re gonna catch our death standing here in the rain I think.” She teased.

He had completely forgot it was raining, unable to see or feel anything beyond her presence. Feeling like a complete idiot, he grabbed her hand like she had done so many years ago, and jogged over to his waiting vehicle. Opening her door first, he helped her inside, and then ran around to his side.

He started the truck and turned on the heat for her, feeling suddenly very self conscious and almost shy. Roman Godfrey never felt self conscious but he wanted to impress her so badly, and was so pleased she was actually sitting in his truck, he was beside himself. He decided he must be in shock. But do people that are in shock, know they are in shock? He wasn’t sure and when he looked over at her, he realized she’d asked him something and was waiting expectantly for an answer. Several moments passed, and she rolled her eyes and smiled, grabbing his hand and making him jump.

“Are you okay? Roman right? You must be him. I google you now and then. The twins won’t ever tell me anything about you. They’re such assholes.” Suddenly she slapped the hand not holding his hand over her mouth. “Oh my God, you probably think I’m like a stalker now...”

Roman chuckled, and reached over pulling her hand away from her mouth. “Don’t hide your face from me, you’re beautiful. And if you want to stalk me, I can have my assistant send you my schedule. Do you have a cell phone?”

“No. I don’t really have anything. I-“ she paused, frowning as whatever she had to say, seemed to be stuck in her throat.

Sensing her discomfort, he pressed forward, “how long are you visiting? Please don’t tell me you’re leaving soon.”

“Well I can tell you that much. I’m NOT leaving anytime soon. My mother died in a fire. Our house burned down while I was staying at a friends house and I guess she didn’t wake up or wasn’t able to get out. Now I have to live with my only family that’s willing to take me, eventhough there’s far too many people in that house already. I am thankful for Aunt Peggy though, she is such a nice lady. Her kids are all jerks but maybe they’ll warm up to me. I don’t know.” She continued. “I start school on Monday, and I have been out looking for a job today since I have nothing and I don’t want to put them out anymore than I already am.”

She looked at him nervously, and tried for a weak smile, but he could see the unshed tears threatening to spill.

Roman had to fight from smiling with every ounce of self control he had. He was elated. She was not leaving, her mother was out of the way, her remaining family couldn’t really accommodate her, she had nothing and no one. She needed him.

This. Was. Perfect.

He had to play it right though. He didn’t want to scare her off now that she was back. She was his. She might not know it yet, but she would be his, and his only. He felt the most violently possessive flash through him at the thought of anyone else with her. He would protect her and keep her safe from everyone and everything.

“Remember when you made me that flower crown, and then you gave me your sock?” He asked her smiling seductively at her.

She chuckled like a little song and blushed again. “Yes! I had no idea you were the kid that owned the whole town!”

“It was sweet of you and now I’m going to return the favor. I still owe you a pair of socks, and add like 8 years of interest on top and by God you’ve got yourself a pretty decent wardrobe.”

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. “Oh no Roman! You don’t have to buy me anything! I’m just happy to have found you again. I’ll make do.”

“I don’t like owing people, and you just went through so much. Please let me get you at least a few things for school. Few outfits, some shoes, a few bags, nothing major. I’m a billionaire so I can afford it and nothing would make me happier than to help.” He made a pouty face and playfully put his hands together like he was praying.

She beamed up at him and before he knew it she was on top of him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She repeated against his chest, nuzzling into him as she unconsciously crawled completely in his lap, not once letting go.

She began to shudder a bit and he realized she was crying. He didn’t say anything, he just rubbed her back and held her while she got it out of her system. He smiled into her hair, and realized she smelled like lavender.

He loved the smell of lavender.

She was perfect.

[sebbybooks]

Somewhere in Paradise (PT2)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction ~18+

Tagged for updates✈️

@asguardiansoftheavengers @mightiestheroes @ladifreakingda

Agh! Ok so I know I said this would only be a total of two parts, but I seemed to have gotten carried away and made it entirely too long. With that being said I decided to extend it and added one more part that I plan to post after this one. Which would then wrap the story up! I hope you gorgeous human beings enjoy this next part🐥💓

“Shit! Crap. Shit! Crap.”

I desperately hoped that I was simply blinded by my frustrations and that I was overlooking where I placed it. I frantically searched around the bar counter and the ground for my blue leather bound journal. I repeatedly asked the bartender could he keep checking to see if it had fallen over. After the fifth plea he eventually eyed me cautiously and went about his job like I no longer existed. To him I was just a crazed American that had a little too much to drink. I did not take my defeat gracefully.

I took my wedges off and stood in my chair to get a birds eye view of the parameter. I needed to see if someone had the gall to take it right in front of me. My search came up empty handed and I quickly stepped down once I realized how silly my actions must have looked. The bartender stared back at me with wide eyes and his temper held at bay. I collected my clutch and shoes in my hand before sending him an apologetic wave. One that he did not accept before pointing for me to leave. He didn’t have to tell me twice I was already humiliated enough for just one night to handle.

The rage that I felt only festered as I headed back to my hotel room. My ass was freezing in my thin wrap skirt that wouldn’t stop blowing up in the wind. I was tired, barefoot in Capri , and hungry for the food that I was promised. Truthfully enough I wasn’t surprised. Pissed off? Maybe, but surprised I was not! This is exactly what I get for thinking with my hormones and not my head.

It was such a euphoric feeling knowing I was just a few paces away from my room. I wanted to take a much needed shower, then sleep like the dead. I urgently needed to temporarily shut of my mind, because despite what just occurred I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Sebastian kissed me. An I foolishly let that gorgeous Disney loving asshole do it. I thought for sure by now the walk from Alessio’s would have erased the fantom feeling of Sebastian’s lips searing against mine. The taste of his mouth still lingered on my tongue. I clearly had a lot to drink because I badly wanted the remnants of him to stay.

The floor to my room had an unlit balcony. The only light that illuminated through the shadows was coming from across the way from buildings that sat on the serrated boulders that wrapped around the island. I reached into my clutch to feel around for my hotel key. I nearly had a heart attack when I walked up to my door.

“Sebastian?” My voice came out shrill as I was startled by his presence.

He was sitting with his back pressed against the door to my room. Sebastian rested his elbows on his knees and his hands were digging in his hair. He slowly tilted his head up to see me. The features on his face were hard to make out in the dark. As childish as it may have seemed I didn’t want to be the first one who spoke. I’m also pretty sure I unintentionally started to pout like one. The corners of Sebastian’s mouth began to quirk until he realized what he was doing. Pressing his lips together in a thin line he started to stand.

“Natalie.” Sebastian began to say, but I quickly cut him off.

“Do you have my journal?” I blurted out. I waited for him to tell me he took him. Hell, I hoped it was him that took it. I didn’t like the idea that it was in someone else’s hands but mine. The thought of someone reading my private thoughts this very second turned my stomach. Sebastian’s face scrunched up in confusion as I started to hear the word no.

“Well that’s that I guess.” I say encouragingly so he could get the memo to leave.I forced a smile that made my cheeks sore.

“Jesus. Natalie I feel like shit for leaving you there alone.” As he should feel, my inner thoughts chimed in. “I am a complete idiot that owes you an apology and a good explanation.” He kept his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his eyebrows were scrunched together in apprehension.

My mind was still swimming from those limoncello shots I’d consumed. Alongside that bombshell Sebastian left in my lap right after he selfishly kissed me like there was no tomorrow. “You don’t owe me anything.” Is all I have the courage to say. My voice doesn’t even sound like my own in my ears. It sounded tunneled and I could barely keep a straight face any longer.

Sebastian looked back at me astounded. He probably half expected me to scream till my lungs burned or yell at him for letting me on this entire time. I figured what was the point in doing all of the above. I sucked in a deep breath and stumbled forward. Before I fell face first into the door Sebastian swooped in to catch me in his arms.

Balancing me back on both of my feet he kept both of his arms secured around me. I thought they had finally dissipated for the night, but a shameless giggle escaped my lips yet again. My face was inches way from his neck. “You smell amazing ....like a candle.”

What the actual hell Natalie? I started to scream internally. See, this is exactly why I don’t drink. I can’t control the randomness that comes out of mouth. Even though what I said was very true. He smelled pretty damn good.

“Let’s get you inside.” I could tell he was holding back his own laughter. I inserted my room key and fumbled to get the door open. Sebastian guided me inside and at the threshold I quickly shut the door behind me. Leaving him standing shocked on the outside.

ONE YEAR LATER

I made sure before I left to securely tuck my white oriental lily in my hair behind my ear. After all this time I wanted Sebastian to see that I kept it and that I never once forgot. It was also a nice touch that complimented my solid red dress with a squared neckline that kept a modest amount of cleavage on display. Though it seems I’ll never learn when it comes to my choice in footwear. I could feel the cracked and pebbled pavement through my white fabric loafers with every step I took.

I needed to find something to do on the island to keep my mind busy and to pass the time. To which it went by painfully slow. I nearly lost count by how many times I checked the clock on my wristwatch,it was almost time. I finally found a quaint little eatery that served all types of gelato. The nostalgia consumed me as the almond butter and honey gelato melted onto my tastebuds. I couldn’t conceal the bashful grin that snuck onto my face. As the memories played back in my head.

He called my name several times more than likely waking up half of the guest on this floor. “Go to bed Sebastian!” I tried to keep a serious face even though I knew he couldn’t see it to which made me giggle even harder.

“Open the door Natalie I need to talk to you.” His fist pounded on the door.

“Why so you can further humiliate me and use me as a distraction from your own problems?” My voice rang cold and it even stung a little coming out of my own mouth. I threw my purse and shoes onto the floor. For a second I thought he had left. I heard a huge thud hit the door and I could only imagine that it was him resting his head on my door.

“I am so sorry.” I could hear the honesty in his words. But still they meant nothing to me. I sat on the edge of the bed staring back at the other end of the door. “It took everything in me to make that flight.” Sebastian’s voice went hoarse. “For weeks I was in nothing but pain then suddenly it was like my entire body grew accustomed to the feeling. That morning it felt like I was walking around with weights on.”

I thought about moving away from the door and ignoring him completely. Like magnetism, my entire body was facing where the door was. I couldn’t turn around even if I wanted to.

“When I heard that it was announced as delayed. I took it as my sign that getting on without her was a fucking bad idea. I convinced myself it wouldn’t even be the same if she wasn’t with me. Fuck! Natalie I was so relieved to not be going anymore.”Liquid heat pooled through me as I heard his voice break. I scooted off the edge of the bed to sit on the floor in front of it without taking my eyes off the wooden door that separated us.

“I started to leave and that’s when I saw you sitting in a lounge chair deep in thought huddled over your notebook.” I bit down on the inside of my cheek and I lowered myself in my own embrace. Bracing for what Sebastian was going to say next. “You didn’t notice me but I stood there and watched you for a while. I couldn’t believe you were actually sitting there. I had only seen your picture in the backs of the books Bianca was always reading.” He swallowed, Sebastian struggled to say her name like he didn’t deserve to possess it.

“I knew who you were Natalie. You were one her favorite authors and I knew it was her final way of getting to me.” His deep voiced managed to weave its way through my chest.

I struggled to stand on my feet, still feeling slightly uncoordinated. I made me way over to the door unsure of what I was planning to do next. I opened my mouth wanting to say something to Sebastian. Without thinking I guided my hand to twist the door open.

He was just as surprised as I was that I even opened it. Sebastian rubbed his hand over his jaw, his fingers digging into his perfectly shaven face. My room was pitch black and I dropped my hand from the door as I turned away from it. A few moments later I heard it close and for a split second I was actually more afraid that he left. Pathetic I know.

I turned around just to be sure and once I stopped seeing three figures of him I finally found my words. “You didn’t have to explain anything Sebastian.” I said carefully.

He let out a dry laugh. The muscle in his jaw flexed actively. “No Natalie I did.” We stood awkwardly in the middle of my room. Neither one of us moved an inch. I wetted my dry lips with my tongue . My entire mouth felt dry.

“Be right back I’m going to get a glass of water.” I moved one step forward but I ended up falling back on my butt onto the bed.

“Why don’t I get it for you?” He asked cautiously. I nodded slowly my head filling heavy. I moved further up the bed until I reached the headboard. I threw nearly half the pillows off the bed and kicked my legs under the blanket. Sebastian emerged from the bathroom holding a glass of water in his hands. He bent down to hand it to me and I took it.

“Can I ask you something?” I brought the glass to my mouth and drank nearly all of it.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Anything.”

I moved my feet in attempt for him to sit at the foot of the bed. He caught ahold to my gesture and eased himself down to sit.

“Did you only want me to keep you company here because. . . .I reminded you of Bianca?” My words came out slow and I searched his eyes for the hard truth that was sure to come.

“At first I did.” I was caught off guard by how fast he answered. My heart just about sank into the pit of my stomach. I’m use to writing about heartbreak. Being on the receiving end stung like a bitch. I looked away from him and stared out my window, directly looking back at the moon. I didn’t want to watch him when he left. I was taken aback when he started to say more.

“When I saw how different you were from her I couldn’t look away Natalie. You were this crazy beautiful woman that breathed air back into me. And that was simply just from talking to you. It felt wrong at first like I was betraying her somehow, but I couldn’t help but feel selfish too.” Sebastian edged closer looking back at me with brooding eyes that made my breathing hitch into my lungs.

“What if I told I didn’t want to see you again after today?” I whispered to him.

He eyed me for a moment before leaning forward. As if he didn’t want me to miss a single word he was about to say. “Then I will just have to drive myself mad wondering about you.”

I mashed my lips together, inhaling sharply. I’m not gonna lie his words felt good to hear. Who knew also a person’s voice could sound so sexy? I wondered if anyone ever told him that. I could never say it out loud, because it was on the list of words that made me cringe. For a split second I hoped like hell I was saying all of this in my head. I’d soon realized I was having a full on conversation in my head when I noticed Sebastian look at me like it was for the last time. His face changed from pensive to neutral. I wanted things to go back to what I considered normal between the two of us. So I said the only thing I knew that would make him smile.

“We’re all mad here.” I said, groggily.

“I’m sorry you’re going to have to repeat yourself. I don’t think I heard you.” Sebastian shook his head in amusement or satisfaction that I was turning into a geek like him.

I playfully rolled my eyes as my eyelids grew heavier until I couldn’t fight my sleep any longer. I swear before I closed my eyes it looked like he was going to bend down to kiss me on the forehead , but he swiftly decided against it. I felt his weight lift off the mattress followed by a click on my door. Sebastian was gone.

I surprisingly liked waking up to the warm sunlight basking on my face right as I opened my eyes. While I loved seeing the illusion of the sun balancing itself on top of the ocean. I needed to close my curtains, because just as expected my head throbbed viscously. When I turned around to walk back to my bed I noticed a note sitting on top of my nightstand with a bouquet of white oriental lilies near a travel size pack of Tylenol.

Without hesitation I reached for the Tylenol and took both tablets with the rest of the lukewarm water from a few hours ago. I was too impatient to try and find my glasses so that I could read the handwritten note Sebastian left. Squinting my eyes to try to get them to focus it read:

Natalie,

I thought I’d let you know that I ran off with your room key. Don’t worry I plan on returning it to you. I just needed an excuse to see you again just in case you realized I wasn’t worth seeing after last night. To be honest I hope that’s not what you’re thinking. Wipe that horrified look off your face that I’m growing to like so much. Relax, I’m still not planning on stalking you. Even though this looks slightly incriminating. I just wanted to give you my sincerest apologies again. If it at alp felt like I was only using you as a distraction I hope you believe me when I say you weren’t. I was drowning in my sorrows long before I met you and you were just the emergency lifejacket that I didn’t know I needed. To put it simple. Before this gets way too deep this early in the morning and you wake up while I write this I would really like it if you’d join me for breakfast. I’ll be on the balcony in the east wing on the fifth floor. By the way you smile in your sleep if you didn’t already know that. -Sebastian

I stared at the paper for what felt like a century. I wondered how long ago was it even written and even more importantly why was I still standing there? I folded the note neatly before setting it back down on the table next to the beautiful arrangement that smelled heavenly. I didn’t have anything to put them in and I wasn’t quite sure if I already missed breakfast.

I quickly hopped in the shower, shaved, and got dress. I threw on a pair of denim shorts, stripe black and white T-shirt , and my black Birkenstocks. I needed to conceal the bags under my eyes and the most makeup I planned on wearing this morning was my trusty cherry chapstick. I threw out nearly all of the contents in my duffel bag looking for a pair of sunglasses. I shuddered at the mess I made, but I was in a rush.

The stairway to the fifth floor was short. I just had to walk down an endless hallway. Breathing in I could smell the sea breeze as if it were right beside me. The view in Capri was something I could never get use to. When I finally reached the end of the balcony I didn’t think it would be possible to behold something even better.

“Hey.” Sebastian’s smile reached his eyes. His blue eyes lit up once he saw me.

“Hi.” I couldn’t keep my eyes trained on just one thing. The view behind him was absolutely breathtaking. The skyline blended into the bluest water I’d ever seen. Sebastian had a lavish breakfast set up in a secluded seating area with white canopy drapes wrapped around the tall wooden post. It was the perfect hideaway spot, even though the space could approximately fit twenty people. I took a seat across from Sebastian and plopped down on a tall cushion that was comfier than it looked. “I really hope that’s orange juice and not a mimosa.” I said pulling my glasses off my face and into my hair.

All across the table was an assortment of brightly colored sliced fruit. Apples, kiwi, cantaloupe, oranges, pineapples, and grapes were actually colored coordinated on a gigantic white tray. Short cylinder glasses with yogurt had crushed granola on top with blueberries and strawberries blended in them. Which was placed right alongside freshly buttered plain and almond croissants. It didn’t even end there. Tiny fruit tarts, bagels, chocolate chip muffins, banana nut muffins and stacked golden brown waffles were strategically placed with several long strips of bacon. The only thing that was missing was coffee. Wait. Wait! I spoke too soon!

“I didn’t know what you like so I ordered everything.” He nervously looked down at the mouthwatering feast before us. I tried to let that be the only thing I drooled over. Something was different about him.

“You cut your hair!” I exclaimed, when the realization finally struck me. I cursed myself for my awkwardness and inability to keep my thoughts locked away in my head. Sebastian tilted his head to the side coyly.

“I did.” He answered, his eyes scanning over me slowly. It made me wish I’d put a littler more effort into my outfit. The comment he made last night still played on loop in my ears. I instinctively shook my head as I reached for a muffin.

“It’s that bad huh?” He asked over the brim of his mug.

“No no I like it.” I admitted, keeping my true opinion to myself. As much as I liked it long, shorter hair suited him best. I forced myself to look away from him. I wasn’t going to fall victim to his soulful stare any longer. This would be so much better if he were ugly. I took a huge bite into the banana nut muffin. I couldn’t tell if I was simply starving or it was the best damn muffin I’d ever eaten. One bite led to another and another till I was practically devouring it. I couldn’t control the sounds of satisfaction that came with every bite.

“Do I need to give you a moment or are you through making love to that muffin?” I just about face planted into the table. His laughter filled the air and I wanted to evaporate. I mentally prepared how fast I could pack my suitcase and change hotels. It’s a relatively big island what were the odds I’d run into again. Right?

“You’re doing that thing where you’re overthinking again.” His lips cracked a grin.

I leaned back a little just enough so that I wouldn’t fall and I could see his face. My heart was constantly getting workouts in his presence. His light green buttoned down shirt was barely buttoned. What was with this guy and not keeping his shirts closed? Not that I was complaining. In the daylight I saw the symbol around his long silver chain clearly. What I previously had thought was some odd charm turned out to be an anchor. I wondered if it meant anything to Sebastian or better yet if Bianca gave it to him.

“What are you thinking about?” Sebastian asked cutting through my daze.

“Why did you want to kiss me last night?” I don’t even know why asked him that. It was like the question had been sitting on my tongue since the moment his lips left left mine.

Sebastian’s shoulders visibly tensed from the memory of all that happened yesterday. I should be more upset about my missing journal, but I’m more fixated on what’s going on inside his head. “I don’t know.” He answered, then laughed dryly. “Actually I do.” He added. Sebastian’s eyes met mine for the longest time.

“Why?” I repeated again, but my voice came out in a raspy whisper.

“Because Natalie it was killing me not to. I was angry at myself for even thinking it was a possibility. I thought if I kissed you once I would get it out of my system, but it seemed to have had the reverse effect on me. An I know that’s not fair to you or Bianca.” His breathing stalled.

I wanted to tell him that the kiss between us was no big deal and that it didn’t have to mean anything. I would gladly like to put it behind us and let it go. Though I’m sure he’d make a Queen Elsa joke about it and use his humor as a crutch. I could tell the hurt that he felt was beyond my comprehension. Sebastian was still holding onto the loss of his girlfriend and it wasn’t my place to pry for answers. Heaven knows I haven’t known him long enough to even ask how she died. One thing I did know was that a line would have to be drawn between us. But if I told him that when he kissed me I didn’t feel electricity from head to toe, I’d be a complete liar.

“Forgive me?” He conjoined both of his hands together to make a fist and rested his chin on top of them. Sebastian’s face held an emotional expression as he tried to study my face for my answer.

I tossed a slice of cantaloupe in my mouth pretending to mull over his question. Of course I forgave him. I just didn’t want to look like I was easy. Well I sort of already gave that impression when I played tonsil hockey with him. “I accept your apology.” I said as I reached for another slice.

I glanced up in his direction and already saw a his lips turn upwards. I had to immediately put a pin in my thoughts when I started to fantasize about what it would feel like to have his lips all over my body. “On one condition!” I said a little too loudly.

“What’s the condition?” He asked.

“We need ground rules.” I stated confidently.

“Ground rules?” He repeated slowly.

“It’s just one.”

“Ok what is it?” Sebastian pressed two fingers against his pursed lips and he moved closer as if he would miss it.

“If we are going to have a real friendship for the duration of this trip. You can not kiss me again.” I said truthfully...I think.

“So I can’t look at you like a banana nut muffin?”

I nearly choked on the fruit I was eating. His lips twitched like he wanted to smile on behalf of my embarrassment once again.

“Nope.” I say breathlessly, not even bothering to have a comeback with a witty remark.

“Alright...friend.” Sebastian extended his hand out for me to shake and for a second I thought he was joking. His arm was still in midair and I reached forward to place my hand in his. He laughed when I started to shake his hand in agreement. I’m pretty sure this was all humorous to him and he didn’t quite believe me.

ONE YEAR LATER

One of my favorite stories ever written is by Oscar Wilde. There was one quote in particular from The Picture of Dorian that floated in and out of my head all while being back in Capri. It didn’t quite feel like the first time being back here. Last time it was new and I admit I liked not knowing what tomorrow was going to bring. Sebastian had awakened something inside of me in those short weeks of knowing him. All the while simultaneously leaving a hole that deep down I knew could never be filled.

I pulled my camera from around my shoulder and adjusted the lens until I knew that the exquisite scenery would be in focus. I regretted not getting the shot last time. Seeing it again for the second time I knew it wouldn’t be the same. It was better. I placed the cap back onto the lens and delicately placed it back into my bag carefully tucking it between miscellaneous items and my nearly filled up journal that I cannot be without. I sat back on the bench and stared out at the sunset, wondering anxiously if he was going to come. “Some things are more precious because they don’t last long.”

Halfway into my second week in Capri every morning felt like I had just arrived. I had convinced myself that there was no possible way I could ever get use to this. With Sebastian’s help there wasn’t a place here that didn’t go unseen by me. The pass few days with Sebastian strangely enough were pleasant. There wasn’t a single mention of Bianca and I don’t know why but I almost wanted him to bring her up. In more ways than one I kept comparing myself to her and I knew absolutely nothing about her. What makes it even more twisted was that I wanted to.

I wished I had my journal with me so that I could write down the beauty before me but I couldn’t. As lame as it sounds I had always had this urge to write every little thought that wiggled its way into my head. I suppose that’s why I wanted to be a writer in the first place. You could literally paint a picture by using words alone.

“You’re going to miss the surprise if you don’t hurry up.” Sebastian’s voiced sounded muffled coming from my room. I stood in the bathroom in front of the mirror trying to zip up the back of my dress. It was an infuriating feeling not having longer arms!

“When do I get to know this surprise and does it involve a body bag?” I called back out.

“That reminds me how tall are you again?”

I stepped out of the bathroom sticking my head out eyeing him with a somewhat menacing glare that fell flat. Sebastian grinned almost too pleased with himself.

“The whole point of a surprise is to you know . . .be surprised.” He said sarcastically, before I moved back into the bathroom. I’m not going to lie I was tiny bit excited. Okay, okay! I pretty fucking excited. I had no clue where Sebastian was taking me. He had entered my room with the room key he has yet to return to me. Walking in literally as the sun began to rise. No seriously I timed it.

“I’m almost done getting ready!” I yelled, nearly almost out of breath. I kept failing miserably trying to get the zipper to go up. I really liked what I had on and I’d knew he’d complain if I changed my outfit again. The door for the bathroom pushed open and Sebastian leaned his body in the doorframe eyeing me in the mirror.

“A little privacy!” I said, trying to push the door on him.

“My eyes are up here.” He waved his finger at eye level.

I couldn’t fight my smile. “Since you’re in here mind lending a helping hand?” Sebastian quirked his eyebrow in confusion. I lifted my hair and turned around my back facing him. A few long seconds went by before I heard him say anything.

“Oh yeah sure.” His voice wavered as he moved closer to stand behind me. He brought his hands to my bare back and I could feel the backs of his knuckles rub against my skin. I reacted to his touch like his hands were made of ice. My feet involuntarily stumbled forward.

“Everything good?”

“Just peachy.” I lied. I heard as the zipper moved up my dress at a terribly slow speed. For about a millisecond I wondered what it would feel like if the actions were in reverse. I closed my eyes silently wishing for the intensifying ache to go far far away. One innocent touch from Sebastian triggered this primal hunger that grew with need by the second. I drew in a deep breath wondering how much more of that damn zipper could possibly exist. Until I realized his hands were no longer on me.

He was still standing behind me. I turned around to face Sebastian who had a dark a feral glint in his eyes. “We should get going.” He says, as he nearly dashed out of the bathroom.I should really be ashamed of my developing weakness for that man.

When I walked into my room he was no where to be found. I opened the door half expecting him to long gone. Something bad obviously just shifted between us. “It took you long enough. Let’s get to the surprise!” I say animatedly, trying to make a joke. I had hoped he’d catch on to my forced enthusiasm.

Sebastian only offered a tight lipped smile. “Yeah.” His tone was flat, and he turned on his heals of his shoes to walk off leaving me absolutely clueless. What the hell just happened?

I followed in behind Sebastian like a lost puppy which was very annoying to say the least. He didn’t speak the entire way and he walked insanely fast like I would be able to easily keep up with him. I was out of breath by the time he finally was decent enough to talk to me. “We are here.” He called out over his shoulder. I was bent over with my hands resting on my knees panting. “I’m going to go get everything set up with Ian.”

I didn’t bother to look up I was too enraged with a newfound hatred and did he know everyone here on a first name basis? When my breathing settled I finally stood up only to lose it again. In the distance one look and I knew where I was. I’d seen that underwater cave in countless photos before.

I don’t know how long I had been staring down at what was known as the Blue Grotto, but Sebastian returned with a lankier man who was much taller than him.“You must beNatalie. I’m Ian you and I’ll be your boat guide for the private tour today.”

“Captain Ian here will be guiding us into the cave then we will do the rest solo.” Sebastian looked between Ian and I.

“I told you not to call me that.” Ian playful slapped the back of his hand against his shoulder jokingly. If I wasn’t spiraling down a cluster fuck of confused emotions for Sebastian. I might have actually seen how cute Ian was. I wondered if behind that blinding pearly white smile and beautiful tan skin was a dead girlfriend he pinned after?

Harsh Natalie.

The boat was insanely small. I nearly lost all sense of balance when I stepped inside last. Sebastian outstretched his hand for me to take it but I ignored the gesture. It rocked steadily back and forth while Ian pulled us through from another boat. We were coming upon the entrance to the cave.

“You’re going to have to crouch down really low so that you can fit inside!” He called ahead of us.

I sucked in a nervous breath as I bent down as far as humanly possible in the boat forcing my eyes shut. After about a minute in a half I peeked over my shoulder to see that Sebastian began to sit upright.

“Wow.” I said out loud.

Looking around the cave it was the most serene thing I’d ever witnessed. The water was an opulent turquoise blue with a sparkling reflection of sunlight coming through the small opening. I looked around me and I noticed that no one else was in sight.

“So this is how it ends.” I half turned around to sit and face Sebastian.

“It wasn’t easy but for the next hour we have the place to ourselves.” He beamed.

My ankles were still sore from wearing my wedges and my legs were bent in an uncomfortable seating position. Slowly none of that started to matter. This place was absolutely majestic it felt like any moment a mythical creature would come popping out.

As Sebastian rowed the boat we sat in a comfortable silence for a while. He had gone from his joking and talkative self to this stoic enigma of a man.

After a while I couldn’t resist the urge to talk. “Did you and Bianca like it here.” I cringed as the question rolls of off my tongue. I don’t bother looking behind me when I’m greeted with silence.

“No.” He finally says. Carefully not to rock the boat I turn my head to look back at him. He searched my eyes for a long tense moment, looking at me like I was either the most confusing or annoying thing in existence. “She had a fear of tight spaces. So the thought of even coming here never once crossed my mine until now.”

My eyes darted away from him. “Sorry I don’t mean to be intrusive. You’re like this puzzle I can’t seem to figure out. I have all the pieces I just don’t seem to know where to start.”

“If I am so puzzling then what does that make you Natalie Foster?”

“A confused mess.” I sighed, staring down at the water. Sebastian placed the paddle down beside us and leaned closer to me.

“What’s making you so confused?” His grin faltered and the look on his face was replaced with compassion. I stayed quiet, not trusting the thoughts that loomed in my head. How was I going to explain to Sebastian something that I didn’t even understand myself? Those blue eyes burned straight through me with an fierceness I couldn’t wrap my head around.

“You run from hot to cold and I can’t keep up and I’m doing the same thing.” I whispered.

Sebastian slowly shook his head. “I know.” He breathed unevenly. I couldn’t deny what was happening and I almost laughed at how impossibly fast it was going. I was living in the world of my own making. I made up stories like this one, not live them.

I felt Sebastian’s hand grab hold of my face and turn it to his. He was leaning in closer to me causing me to lose all pretense. “The timing here surely is fucked up.”

I couldn’t agree more. Without thinking he gently stroked his fingers over my lips. Sebastian studied every small detail in my face. His eyes examined the curve of my face, stopping at my eyes, before lowering his lingering gaze to my lips. Out of nowhere to completely ruin the moment I felt something brush against my leg in a feather light sensation causing me to jump frantically. An if that wasn’t the cherry on top my rapid movements caused the boat to tip over, pushing us in. Resurfacing to the top I wiped wet strands of hair away from my eyes I sucked in a gasp of air. Fuck if that water wasn’t freezing!

“Natalie!” Sebastian swam closer to me in a frenzy. “What happened? Are you okay?” Droplets of water fell from his beautifully tortured face.

“I thought a bug was on me.” I couldn’t conceal my embarrassment as I bobbed up and down in the water.

“A bug?” He repeated, clearly mocking my stupidity. Sebastian wrapped his hand around my back effortlessly pulling me closer to him. My pulse quickened when he rested his forehead against mine. His breath was warm against my mouth and smelled of mint. I wondered if that was what he would taste like this time. The last time we kissed it was restrained. We were both equally holding back.

I gripped his biceps nearly digging my nails in them. “Is it okay if I break our rule?” I gasped.

His lips brushed again mine before answering me. He didn’t hesitate or slowly contemplate his actions. Sebastian groaned against my mouth, as they parted opened in anticipation of what was to come. He pulled into me, holding my head to gain all sense for control. It was as if we were desperately clinging to one another, it was a kiss so carnal I was convinced we’d eventually implode. Sebastian’s hand traveled down my waist in search for my legs. He pulled them up higher to wrap around him.

I couldn’t control my toppling emotions that darted from frustration, desire, and the chaos I was definitely tangling myself in. I was unable to decipher which one I was feeling, because every fiber of my being responded to him. The motion of the water caused my body to sink even closer to Sebastian. I rolled my hips against him as he griped my legs even tighter. His lips were wet from the water and slightly cold, but the warm caress of his tongue against mine sent my body into overdrive. Kissing Sebastian was highly addictive. I could only imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have to stop.

As if just by thinking it I somehow jinxed it. Appearing out of nowhere I hear Ian clear his throat. “You guy’s hour is nearly up and it’s going to get busy in here soon. An by that I am not referring to the two of you.” He stated.

For a split second I had almost forgotten that he was inside with us. We had broke apart and I was too afraid to know what Sebastian was thinking. I was more so afraid that he’d regret it. I dropped my legs from him as we both tried to desperately catch our breath I was slightly surprised that he didn’t let me go. I was even more surprised when he leaned to give me a chaste kiss on the mouth.

My dress clung to every particle on my body. Sebastian and I caught a few stares as we walked back to our hotel. It was a sunny and hot day out and we looked like we were somewhere with constant rain. “Where are you going?” Sebastian asked, as he halfway stepped off the elevator.

My teeth chattered together when I talked. “To my room.”

“What for?” He genuinely looked oblivious to my need for heading up to my hotel room.

“I have to get out of my dress. It’s becoming heavier.” I laughed.

“I have clothes you can change into in my room.” He shrugged it off absentmindedly. Sebastian’s smile made me smile, but I quickly shook my head.

“Well I also wanted to go get gelato.” I admittedly sheepishly.

“And what would stop you?”He asked as he pulled me to his side.

Sebastian’s room looked almost identical to mine but slightly bigger. His bed that was perfectly made unlike mine wasn’t facing out the window. He had his clothes pulled out of his suitcase and they were neatly hung on hangers in the closet. His shoes were strategically placed out in front it.

“ I thought I was a neat freak.” I poked fun. I was about to sit on his bed but I quickly stood up not wanting to get it wet.

Sebastian walked back over to me with clothes in hand aiming his cool gaze at me. “Mind if I take a quick shower?”

“By all means.” I saluted lamely. He gripped the bottom of his soaked shirt within a nanosecond he pulled it off his head. His back muscles flexed and contorted. I faked a cough and tried to ignore the fact that he was changing right in front of me. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it on purpose or he was a carefree spirit. But when he tugged his jeans and boxers off in one swift motion as he walked into his bathroom. I just about lost it at the sight of his nakedness. I was convinced his ass was sculpted from stone.

I needed a shower just as badly but I had to find some restraint within the depths of myself to keep it together. I searched around the room for a spare blanket or a towel. I could barely see and I almost tripped over Sebastian’s bag that sat in the middle of the floor. I bent down to pick it up to put it somewhere else when my journal came toppling out.

{Part 1 out of 3}

[bluekayanite]

(SU:F Theory - Snow Day) Has Steven REALLY Changed That Much?

...Or is he just still dealing with an old issue?

(I intended to post this last week, but apparently forgot to actually, you know, post it. >_<  I’ve got another one upcoming, but here’s this one for now.)

EDIT: Some edits have been made.  Not gonna stress myself over the details this time.

My Feelings on the Ep

Okay, I dunno about you, but I actually found the story of Snow Day pretty upsetting.  The whole thing was about Steven running from his childhood favorites, and he pretty much stated that it was because he didn't want to be seen as a kid.

Sure, I can get behind not liking when people assume you haven't changed, especially when the changes in question have to do with you learning and growing (been there... -.-), but it didn't feel like that was the real issue.  I mean, there's growing up and changing, and then there's more-or-less trying to hide, or to erase the past.  IMO, this ep showed Steven trying to avoid "kids stuff" to an extreme.  He literally jumped over the edge!

And not just the kids stuff, but it feels to me like he's been avoiding silly stuff in general, like that goofy charm that seemed like an essential character trait throughout the first series.

Even the idea that he could've left behind so much of the goofiness I love was pretty distressing - it really feels like he's trying to run away from a part of himself, essentially killing a part of himself (or at least a version thereof).  But that's not the whole of the issue for me.

To me, it really kind of felt like Steven believed the Gems were wrong to still want to appreciate the old stuff with him - not because of “seeing him as a child, still,” but... like they couldn't still appreciate the way he used to be, even in a nostalgic sense.  Like he believes that they shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the silly stuff, either.  Or the little things in general.

(If you're not taking the time to pet something cute, I'd say it's pretty serious.)

Also: come on!!  The Cheeseburger Backpack and Together Breakfast are two of the most iconic things of the series-es!  And personally, like I kind of said, I’d say Steven's goofiness is right up there with them!  Even the vegetarianism!  Remember how big Steven was on hot dogs?

"I think there isn't such a thing as a bad [hot] dog, though.  Only bad chefs!" - Steven, Wacky Sacks Unboxing minisode

It was even in the first opening of SU!

I don't mind that SU:F is more mature than SU, but it feels like it's missing a lot of the heart that made SU so easy to love.  I’m even noticing that there's been a shortage a star-iris-endings.  I’m pretty sure the last iris was used in Guidance... for a fake ending.

Not that I think the star-iris should be forced, but it seems like it's not being used, even when Crewniverse has a perfectly good chance to do so.  The fact that they've used it at all suggests that they're not trying to avoid using it - more like they've fallen out of the habit, or something.  And I’m really starting to feel the absence of the little bit of lighthearted warmth that it typically brings.  It just kinda quietly punctuates just how serious the show has been.

...It's pretty depressing, really.

But yeah, in general, I'm not a big fan of the idea that you have to let go of kid things as soon as you grow up.  Doctors believe that play is just as important for adults as it is for children.  Heck, that article even mentions reading aloud to someone (and I'd say, by extension, being read to) as a form of play... one of the forms that Steven specifically avoids.

And if you ask me, The No Home Boys sounds like its pretty deep - not just a basic, “silly” kids’ story.

"My favorite story is this classic one where the No Home Boys are chased[...] by a mysterious pursuer, which turns out to be the very fear resting within themselves." - Steven, On The Run

At the very least, it's what led to him having an adventure that led to him learning something important, and to bringing to light - and resolving - some previously-unspoken tension between Pearl and Amethyst.

So at the very least, I wouldn't cast aside childish things so quickly, if only for all the good that they have already brought.

There's also the fact that adult play has been accepted as a pretty important thing in our current society - it's basically our culture now.  As said on the YT Channel Lockstin & Gnoggin (in response to COPPA), "This isn't the 1970s anymore[...]  Adults are no longer afraid to be interested in things."  I mean, heck, I think odds are pretty good that if you’re reading this, you're probably an adult who enjoys “kids stuff.”  I know I technically fit in that category - I’m getting old enough that I don't like to think about it. ^_^;

Personally, I believe that the “adults can still like ‘kids’ stuff” thing could really use more representation in mainstream media, ESPECIALLY after the whole COPPA thing.  Personally, I’ve always believed that this would be done through Steven Universe.

And personally... I still think odds are good that it will.

Why I Think There's Still Hope for the Subject

The “adults enjoying ‘childish’ stuff” thing isn't just a thing with Millennials and the Internet in general: it's a pretty strong part of the culture of the Crewniverse, what with them actually enjoying Together Breakfast for the release of the ep by the same name.  Not to mention donuts topped with Pop Rocks fire salt (exact quote - for Joking Victim), a big bowl of macaroni-and-nothing (for Warp Tour), and even a Rice Krispie temple that promptly got pummeled by a giant hand (technically for Bismuth, but also referencing Jailbreak).  And those are just a few examples.

And in general, I've noticed that SU is very Millennial show, featuring values like that the reason for work should be to enjoy life, rather than to make money (Drop Beat Dad), and I've already said that being able to enjoy "kids stuff" as an adult is a pretty Millennial thing.

So to me, it seems like it's probably inevitable that Steven's going to get over the "trying too hard to adult" thing.  Heck, if anything, I'd say that Snow Day is just another part of the long-running-buildup.

Steven has a history of trying to cut everything “childish” out of his life, and/or being embarrassed when it's brought up.

This felt like an extension of that history - to me, it feels like this issue leveled up, like he's trying harder than ever before to avoid being associated with "kids stuff."  His reaction to Garnet presenting the Cheeseburger Backpack certainly looks like one of embarrassment, and one of not even appreciating the gesture, regardless.

And if you look, this whole thing started when the Gems implied that birthday parties were a "kids thing."

(My apologies for VUDU’s captions - they got better, I promise.)

Since then, he’s been stuck on the idea that he would have to leave things behind as he got older.

Before that, he was trying to convince the Gems of just the opposite.

Little did Steven know that they actually came around, while he was away...

But now?  Now that they've obviously come around, he's still having trouble getting over what was once said.

He's even overtly objecting to being called "cute," or like a kid!

I think this is a pretty good example of how one little thing can result in a problem that a person struggles with for a long time afterward; how one idea can result in a person pressuring themselves to try and be something or not, even if the people who gave the idea have changed their minds.  I think it's a pretty good example of the kind of baggage - the kind of problems - we carry around with us.

And you know what the official description of SU:F says?

"[A]s [Steven] runs out of other people's problems to solve, he'll finally have to face his own."

I very much believe that this is one of them. =3

Before I saw the movie, I had been spoiled by the “catchup” vid for the last season clearly being narrated by an older-voiced Steven.  (So sorry, Hilary, that you want through so much trouble, but the neck wasn't much of a secret to me. XD; )  And spoilers aside, it had been pretty well hinted that he was going to grow up, via both of the “Birthday” episodes. 

(Personally, I’m kind of disappointed that we missed the magic growth spurt - I always thought it would've been hilarious. X3)

I’d often thought that Steven was going to grow up when he realized that he didn't have to leave “childish” stuff behind - that he can be grown up without having to "stop being a kid," or worrying about how people would see him if he didn't.  I kind of figured it would allow him to feel more comfortable about growing up, and so he would grow up.

But, apparently, that's still a thing he needs to work on.

And sure, I'm glad Steven came around at least a little, but I wonder if it's really enough... especially since he doesn’t even seem sincere on loving that the Gems upgraded the Steven Tag game.

But also, it seems to me like this issue is affecting more of his personality than just his desire to have fun... like he's losing quite a bit of himself.  Remember how Pearl once described him?

You have to feel like yourself!  Sweet and considerate, and only occasionally obnoxious! - Pearl, So Many Birthdays

It does seem like Steven's been having trouble with the considerate angle, lately.  I mean, he kept busting into Jasper's hideout, he took over Amethyst's mentorship program (completely ignoring the feelings of the Gems being mentored), and in general, he's kinda... asserting himself and his opinions more than listening to others(').  I'd even say that he's lost a lot of his sweet, and he's... probably more than occasionally obnoxious. ^_^;  I mean, Aquamarine and Eyeball certainly think so. X3

Now?  Well... I'd say that the Gems have at least as much of a point as Steven does.  I have to admit, I feel a lot like Amethyst - I think she has a point about the direction Steven is (or had been) heading, and about what kind of example he was setting.

I agree that the issue is serious enough for Pearl to be justified in being willing to join in (which I really love her doing =3).

(Seriously, I’ve actually been worried for Steven.)

...And now I’d say that her old plea to feel like himself again is even more valid than ever.

In a way, Snow Day felt a lot like So Many Birthdays in reverse: instead of Steven trying to spend time with the Gems and making them feeling awkward about silly stuff, we now have the exact opposite.  Now, instead of allowing himself to still be a kid, Steven tries to convince them not to make him be a kid.  ...Which, again, is fair, but still.  I'd say it goes too far when he hates the idea of "kid."

But yeah...  I figure this has gotta be addressed sooner or later.  Personally, I can't wait fo the day when it is. XD;

...call me crazy - call me super crazy - but I’m hoping that a certain Pink Doofball* will talk some more sense into him. X3  That, or maybe his dad.

(*If you're not familiar with my blog... well, here's my main theory, in case you're interested.  I know it probably sounds insane, but it would mean a lot if you'd give it a look.)

[notthetoothfairy]

Alright with You

What is this... a fic?!?!?!?! Yes, you’re reading that right. I’m a bit late but it was @a-simple-rainbow‘s birthday yesterday so I had to honor tradition and do some writing! Happy birthday, my lovely fandom wife! <3 You deserve the world and more, so I apologize that this is just a silly fic and not the world and more. :P

(I’ll upload it on AO3 later, right now it’s late and I need my sleeeeeep)

Disclaimer: This is unbeta’ed and probably poorly written LOL

Inspired by this post

Kurt hates parties. If it weren’t for Quinn’s endless pestering, he probably wouldn’t have shown his face at all.

He wrinkles his nose as he watches a group of jocks start a burping competition.

Yeah, he definitely wouldn’t have come if Quinn hadn’t been so adamant – or rich, for that matter, considering that she promised to buy him lunch for the rest of the school year if he drove her to this one party. The party of the year, apparently. Kurt couldn’t care less about the ranking of this drunken slobberfest they call a party, but he’s not exactly loaded, so the prospect of free lunch was a damn good selling point. Which Quinn knew, obviously.

Also, quite obvious: She ditched him about two seconds into the party, probably to break up or create yet another Glee club love triangle… who even knows. Not Kurt, that’s for sure. But, hey, keeping him company wasn’t part of the deal. Quinn’s objective was to enjoy the party. Kurt is well aware that she won’t be able to do that when all he is likely to provide is snarky commentary.

Ugh, it’s almost like he cares, which is bizarre because this is McKinley’s resident ex-cheerleader barbie Quinn Fabray. If he continues at this rate, he’ll be befriending Rachel Berry next.

Shuddering at the thought, he turns to the drinks table, where he is immediately targeted by Santana Lopez and her signature sly grin.

“Well, well, well, who do we have here?” she asks, faking delight. “What’s your poison tonight, hm?”

With an eyeroll, Kurt makes to push past her. “Not my first rodeo, Satan, I know better than to drink one of your hellish creations.” She blocks his path. “Ugh, you have got to be kidding me. Just hand me one of those cups.”

“What’s the matter, did daddy not allow you to drink alcohol? Or did Quinn Fa-baby momma make you her designated driver?”

Kurt glares at her, and much to his chagrin, Santana’s face just lights up even more.

“Aww, she did! You skanks are just too precious. So… unskanky,” she coos.

Kurt’s growing more annoyed by the second. He hates that Santana is still as unimpressed by his act as ever. The rest of the school has learned to just leave him alone when he suddenly showed up with piercings, bright neon streaks in his hair and a new give-zero-fucks attitude. But Santana is a tougher nut to crack.

He narrows his eyes a bit more for good measure, but she waves him off and reaches behind her to retrieve a light blue solo cup. “There you go, sunshine. Pop or water?”

“Water,” Kurt gets out through gritted teeth. He hates the sugary sweetness of coke and the like, and with water he can at least pretend he’s drinking clear spirits. Or maybe he should do that and just forget about the driving, just like Quinn forgot about him.

But deep down he knows he’ll regret it if he’s not there to take her home, or if his dad figures out he was too drunk to drive. Getting upset with Kurt is way too unhealthy for his heart. Even rebellion has its limits, and Kurt will always choose his dad over his reputation.

He sips his water unenthusiastically, trying to avoid both the dancefloor and the beer pong corner, which results in him creepily staying in a corner near the drinks table, from where at least he can engage in his two favorite sports – people-watching, and, more importantly, people-judging.

He is so enthralled in watching Rachel stealing pathetic glances at Kurt’s step-brother Finn Hudson every two seconds while she’s fake-flirting with two older students that Kurt only notices after a few minutes that she is holding a cup with a very untypical color. He frowns. Bright green, really? Is she that tipsy?

The thing is, Kurt could swear he saw Mercedes Jones sport a pink cup earlier, and everyone knows that if something is available in pink, Rachel will make sure that she has it. Kurt is still traumatized from that one time he saw her bedroom.

He looks over to the drinks station and spots tags next to the towers of cups. The colors are labels. Pink apparently means “taken”, which definitely explains why this is the one time Rachel decided to forgo it. And green is – ah, yeah, “it’s complicated”. Kurt grins. Sure, Rachel. Should have gone with light blue. Single AF, the sign reads.

Kurt tenses uncomfortably as he looks down at his own cup.

Blue.

Santana, that cunning, manipulative devil. Of course she’d be the one who doesn’t buy the rumors Quinn spreads about Kurt’s conquests. She knows Kurt hasn’t so much as touched another guy. Great. He’s gonna have to do something about this. Change the cup to… purple maybe? DTF – down to fuck… ugh, not the best choice but probably what an actually skanky version of Kurt would go for. It’s not like McKinley has an overflow of gay guys who would take him up on the offer. And even if there were gay guys at this party, it’s not like he’s much of a hook-up prospect. His painfully pathetic attempts to get laid at Scandals taught him that. God, maybe he should just grab a full bottle of tequila and kiss this night goodbye.

“Ready to party?” someone shouts next to Kurt. He almost scoffs at them before he realizes it’s Blondie-in-a-Bottle Sam Evans, and he is not talking to Kurt, but to someone next to him, who can only be… ah, yes, Blaine.

Blaine Anderson, the transfer student, who is a bit of a nerd with his gelled hair, dorky colorful bowties and his Star Wars lunch box. Blaine, who may be the only person at the school who doesn’t treat Kurt differently, because – well, because he didn’t know Kurt pre-skank. But also because he just doesn’t seem to mind. Kurt has been paired with him on an assignment once or twice, and if Kurt is completely honest with himself, those were the only times it actively pained him to keep up his tough act. He might have even dialed it down just for Blaine.

As much as he wants to deny it, Kurt has a bit of a crush. Which is not cool. Not cool at all. Unskanky, Santana would say.

He watches Blaine shake and nod his head simultaneously at Sam’s question as they approach the drinks table. Kurt sighs and decides to wait until after they’re done there to change his cup color. He can totally wait for his turn. It’s not like anyone is going to talk to him if he puts his bitchy face on. Which, of course, he has practiced to perfection. So, Creepy Watching and Judging Round Number Two it is.

Getting back into it, Kurt watches Artie Abrams clumsily but somehow successfully butter up to Brittany Pierce, even though they are surrounded by a bunch of very interested, suddenly very pissed off football players.

He chuckles at the way Santana tries to not look affected at all but ends up glaring at everyone attempting to talk to Brittany. Santana thinks she has Kurt figured out? Ha. He’s one step ahead of her. At least she doesn’t know about his pathetic cru-

Damn. He was so lost in thought that he missed the perfect opportunity to slip past Sam and Blaine just as they turned away. Now there’s more people at the stand and as Sam and Blaine move away from the table, they come to a halt right next to Kurt. Shit. How is he supposed to act like he didn’t notice them now?

“Hey, can you hold this?” Sam asks Blaine. “I’ll just be a sec.” He hands Blaine his cup, and Kurt can’t help how his eyes widen when he sees the color. Pink?! Since when is Sam Evans dating someone? Kurt wonders if Quinn knows about it. She usually knows what everyone and their mother are up to.

Blaine stands there awkwardly, and since his blondie sidekick is gone, Kurt dares to give him a once-over. Damn, it should be illegal to look that cute in chinos. Kurt puts his cup to his lips to hide a smile behind the rim. It would have been a smart choice if he hadn’t simultaneously spotted the other cup Blaine is holding. The color makes Kurt almost choke on his water. Audibly.

Blaine turns to him, concerned. “Woah, Kurt, are you okay?”

Damn that purple cup.

“’m fine, thanks” Kurt manages, coughing awkwardly and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Water in the wrong pipe, I guess.” He pauses, grimacing. “Tequila, I mean.”

“Right. Tequila…” Blaine smiles. “I’ll just pretend I didn’t see your Navigator parked down the street.”

Kurt feels a shiver run down his spine at the thought that Blaine might have kept an eye out for his car outside. That’s just… pathetic, Kurt. Get a grip, he tells himself.

“Whatever.” He drawls the word for good measure, trying desperately to nail the tone somewhere between not caring and playful teasing. With a nod to Blaine’s purple cup, he says, “Interesting choice.”

“Rum and coke.” Blaine shrugs. “Pretty classic, I’d say?”

Kurt bites his lip, releasing it quickly. “The color, I mean.”

With a blush, Blaine glances down at his drink. “Oh, I actually would have preferred pink.” He clears his throat. “But Sam poured them wrong by accident, and he’s driving, so I ended up with this one instead.”

Kurt’s careful to not choke on his water this time. So Sam’s not the taken one, Blaine is… what?! Then again, figures. He’s a transfer student. A cute one, at that. Fresh meat and all… McKinley’s singles must go crazy over Blaine. Kurt wonders if maybe he’s misread Blaine’s sexuality.

“Right,” he mutters. Santana couldn’t have picked his cup color any better. Single AF indeed. Fuck this party. “Well, I- I should go see what Quinn’s up to.” He clears his throat. “I’m her DD.”

Blaine blinks, seeming surprised. “Oh… sure.” He shoots Kurt a small grin. “Enjoy the party.”

Kurt scoffs. “Doubt it.”

“Oh. Okay. Uhm… bye then.”

Blaine looks taken aback, and Kurt could smack himself. His stupid temper. He makes an abrupt turn, trying to push the thought of having offended Blaine out of his mind. He shouldn’t be caring about things like dating anyhow. His reputation is on the line. He breathes, one heavy breath in and one out, weaving his way through a sea of hammered people.

He finds Quinn eventually – making out with someone from the swim team in one of the house’s upstairs bedrooms. Of course. Kurt sighs, closing the door behind him when she tells him to “get the fuck out”. As he turns back to the hallway, he almost collides with Mercedes. She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Sneaking off to be alone?” she asks. Kurt can’t decipher whether she sounds snarky or hurt. Out of all the people he’s cut off these past few months, he definitely regrets Mercedes the most.

“Not exactly.” Kurt shrugs. “Just looking for Quinn.”

Mercedes hums in reply. They both do the awkward dance of looking down at their hands and then back up, only to look back down. Kurt’s eyes zero in on the cup in Mercedes’ hands.

He clears his throat. “You’re dating someone?”

For a split second, Mercedes’ face turns red. It’s a good look on her, Kurt thinks, but before he can say anything, her face hardens.

“None of your business,” she says sharply.

“No, no, I know,” Kurt says, holding up his hands. He can’t help but sigh a little. “It’s just…”

“I know.” Mercedes gulps. “I thought you’d be the first to know, too.”

“Mercedes…” Kurt reaches out a hand but pulls it back at the last second, hugging himself instead. Well, this party sucks already, maybe he should just roll with the punches. “I miss you, you know?”

He’s met with another raised eyebrow.

“I know, I don’t show it,” he says hastily. “I never wanted it to be this way, though.”

“I just don’t think any of this is really necessary,” Mercedes says. “We had your back.”

“Well, it wasn’t… there’s- there’s things you don’t know,” Kurt mutters. Karofsky bullying him was one thing. Karofsky threatening to kill him if he told anyone he was gay… very different. “I swear I’d tell you if I could.”

Mercedes bites her lip and smiles a little.

“It’s Sam,” she whispers, leaning closer.

Kurt frowns. “What?”

She holds up her cup. “Sam and I…”

“What?!”

“It’s not that unlikely,” she says, defensive.

Kurt shakes his head quickly. “Uh, no, it’s just – I thought he had a purple cup earlier.”

“Nope.” Mercedes grins. “Definitely pink. I saw him with it just a second ago.”

But it was an accident, Kurt thinks. Blaine said the pink was for him.

“Oh, well… I’m happy for you,” Kurt says, shooting Mercedes his most sincere smile. “Truly.”

“Thanks, Kurt,” she says. “We could hang out sometime maybe…?”

Kurt takes a step back. “I… maybe.”

There’s that sad look again. Kurt closes his eyes to drown it out. Once he feels marginally better, he opens them, bracing himself for more sadness, but – Mercedes is gone.

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Maybe he can’t openly be Mercedes’ friend anymore – but the least he can do is make sure her boyfriend isn’t being a dick to her. He almost races down the stairs back into the living room.

Even more people dancing now. Kurt scans the room for any sign of Sam or Blaine. He growls when he spots them. Of course – they are dancing. He tries not to watch Blaine shimmy his hips to the music, and promptly fails. Damn that boy.

He stomps over, pushing himself between them and staring Sam down.

“You better not hurt her,” he hisses.

Sam’s eyes go huge. “What?”

“You heard me.” Kurt narrows his eyes. “I know your cup was supposed to be purple. Blaine told me. You’re more than lucky to get a chance with someone like Mercedes. If you-”

Sam’s eyes skirt around frantically as he steps closer and tries to shut Kurt up. “Ssssh, what the fuck, don’t tell-”

“Oh, don’t want her to find out you’re on the lookout? Is that why you so conveniently switched cup colors, huh?!”

Blaine dances around Kurt and comes up next to Sam, looking confused and a little dizzy. Kurt honestly almost forgot he was behind him the entire time.

“Sam, ‘s Kurt still angry at me?” he asks, his words slurred.

Sam rolls his eyes. “No, he’s angry at me.”

“What’d chu do?”

“Switch cup colors,” Sam mutters. He turns back to Kurt. “Kurt, man, I swear this is not what you think it is.” He inches closer, and if Kurt wasn’t so focused on defending Mercedes, he’d find it cute how Blaine instinctively does the same, almost touching Kurt’s shoulder. Voice lowered, Sam continues, “Mercedes and I are keeping it on the down low for a while.”

“Yeah, right.” Kurt laughs in disbelief. “Which is why you’re both sporting pink?”

“Well, we’re not telling anyone who exactly- that’s beside the point, though.” Sam sighs. “If I was going to cheat on her, why would my cup say that I’m taken, Sherlock?”

Kurt blinks. He hadn’t thought of that.

“Where does it say that?” Blaine asks, looking down at Sam’s cup.

Kurt replays what Blaine told him earlier in his head. He wanted pink, but Sam switched them. He didn’t say anything about the meaning…

“Blaine doesn’t know about the color codes,” Kurt concludes.

Sam shoots him a grin. “I was just messing with him a little. I knew you were going to-” He blinks quickly. “Uh, forget that part.”

Kurt tries to ignore the way his heartbeat speeds up a little at that. What is Sam’s plan? And does it mean Blaine is single after all? And why does he care oh-so-much?

“Wha’s goin’ on?�� Blaine asks, alternating between staring at Kurt and staring at Sam.

Kurt gives Sam the sideeye before turning to Blaine. “Blaine, your cup color means you’re DTF.”

“What’s DTF?” Blaine asks immediately.

“How much has he had to drink?” Kurt asks at the same time as Sam says, “Down to fuck.”

Blaine whips around to face Sam. “You told him I’m down to fuck?!”

Sam breaks out into laughter. “I didn’t but you just did…” He turns to Kurt and winks. “I think I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna go find Mercedes.”

“Sam, wait!” Kurt says, cursing his helpless voice. God, what is he going to with this info now? Sam doesn’t turn around.

Blaine stares after Sam before turning to Kurt. “Kurt, if Sam leaves me here alone, can you drive me home? I could break into a car and try it myself but… I think I’m too-” He sways a little on his feet. “Tipsy.”

“Ya think?” Kurt huffs out a laugh, reaching out his hand to steady Blaine. “Okay, first things first. Have some of my water. And, uh… let’s go somewhere outside to get you sobered up, okay?”

Blaine’s face lights up at that. He reaches for Kurt’s hand, but Kurt withdraws, looking around nervously. He tries to ignore Blaine’s furrowed eyebrows and his pout, instead pushing him through the crowd by the shoulders. When he’s finally got them outside in the miraculously empty backyard, he lets himself breathe. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Blaine watches him, surprisingly attentive in his drunken state.

“Do you hate me?” he asks timidly.

“Wh- what?” Kurt stutters.

Blaine looks down at his feet. “I never know what to think with you.”

“I don’t hate you, Blaine,” Kurt says, stepping closer. “Drink some more water.”

Kurt takes the pink cup from Blaine before he can raise it to his mouth.

“The other cup. That’s your rum and coke.”

“Oh.” Blaine nods, and gulps down the contents of Kurt’s cup, holding it with both hands like a child. Kurt bites back a smile. Why is he even cuter when he’s drunk? When he’s done, Blaine holds the cup up in Kurt’s face. “So, what does blue mean?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Single as fuck.”

“Are you?” Blaine asks curiously, eyes flitting between Kurt’s face and the cup.

Kurt tries to hide his blush by pushing a strand of pink hair out of his face. “I guess I am.”

“Oh, alright.” Blaine gives a slight nod. “Cool.”

Kurt can’t help but laugh at the way he tries to act nonchalant. “Yeah? That alright with you?”, he asks.

“Yeah…” Blaine drops his eyes and then shoots them back up at Kurt with an intensity that makes Kurt’s knees go weak. “Very.”

“Blaine…” he breathes out, hyperaware of how close their faces are. He clears his throat, looking around for something to do. He decides on setting their cups down on a nearby windowsill. His eyes linger on the pink one.

“Why’d you want that color?” he asks Blaine, putting his hands in his pocket now that he has nothing to hold.

“Hm?” Blaine follows Kurt’s line of sight. “Oh. Uh.” His eyes find Kurt’s again, then flicker up to Kurt’s hair. “I just really like pink.”

Kurt can’t find it in himself to hide his blush this time. “Oh… alright.”

“Yeah?” Blaine smiles. “Alright with you?”

“Oh, shut up,” Kurt laughs. Throwing all caution in the wind, he adds, “I’m not the one who admitted he’s down to fuck.”

Blaine inhales sharply. “I can’t believe Sam told you that.”

“Actually, you did,” Kurt says, tilting his head.

“Oh god, I did, didn’t I?” Blaine asks, looking like he’s trying to read Kurt’s face. “And… is that alright with you?”

Kurt wants to say something witty, or just confirm, or something – but his brain short-circuits and what he ends up blurting is, “I’m a virgin!”

“Oh, well, I mean… me too… it’s not like I meant right now…” Blaine mutters, visibly flustered. His face goes all red. It’s so. Damn. Cute. “I just…”

Kurt squeezes his eyes shut for a second, trying to focus his thoughts. “It’s alright with me,” he says. “Maybe not right now, but…”

“Gotcha.” Blaine exhales, and Kurt can feel his breath on his face. How did they get so close again? Blaine laughs nervously. “Wow, I’m feeling very sober all of a sudden.”

“Yeah?” Kurt feels a rush of heat streaming through his body. “Funny. I feel kinda drunk.”

They’re both silent for a beat, looking at each other, before they lean in at the same time. Kurt’s lips land on Blaine’s a little off-center but they adjust as Blaine pulls him in, threading his fingers through the hair at the back of Kurt’s head. Kurt makes a muffled noise, grabbing Blaine’s shirt on both sides and holding on for dear life, dragging Blaine closer, kissing him harder. He wasn’t prepared for how good this would feel. He wasn’t prepared for how much he would want to-

“Wait, wait, wait,” Kurt gasps out. “Fuck. I-”

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asks, concerned.

“I’m not… we’re not…” Kurt sighs. “This is gonna be a problem. We can’t-”

“Why not?”

“I’m… well… ugh. I have a lot to lose, let’s put it that way,” Kurt says grimly.

Blaine lets his hands fall to his sides, his body deflating.

“Don’t be mad,” Kurt pleads.

“I’m not,” Blaine says. “But I guess I kind of hoped I was a lot to gain.”

There it is again, the urge to smack his stupid head against the nearest wall. Why does he keep doing this to others? To himself? If he could just be himself…

Kurt takes in Blaine’s face, studying his eyes and those ridiculously long eyelashes and thick eyebrows that kept distracting him the first time they had to do an assignment together. He remembers how Blaine’s enthusiasm and his cute quirks pulled him in from the get-go, how he kept hoping they’d be paired together for more assignments… how kissing him just now felt like he could do anything and get away with it…

Oh, to hell with these charades.

Quinn’s eyebrows rise when she catches Sam and Mercedes kissing on the front porch, but they almost disappear beneath her hairline when she sees Kurt on the dance floor – goofing off with Blaine and smiling like an utter idiot. Of course. She should have known. He’d never tell her the truth, but it’s always been kind of obvious how soft he got around him.

“I take partial credit for that,” Santana drawls next to Quinn, leaning her elbow on Quinn’s shoulder. “He needed a bit of a push.”

“Who knew you had such match-making skills.” Quinn makes to turn towards Santana to grin at her but spots Karofsky and Azimio in the crowd, scowling. “Oh, fuck.”

“What?” Santana follows her gaze and balls her fists. “Don’t worry about them. They’re making those faces because I just twisted their nads and put them in their place. I have them under control.”

Quinn shakes her head fondly. “You’re actually a pretty good friend, Santana.”

Santana looks like she wants to disagree for a second but then she just shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah… just don’t tell Kurt.”

Kurt beams when Mercedes and Sam finally show up together, joining Blaine and him on the dance floor.

Blaine and Sam seem to be engaged in a secret conversation involving nods, winks and fist-bumping, so Kurt turns to Mercedes.

“Are we okay?” he asks her.

She smiles back at him. “We’re peachy. Or at least we’re gonna be.”

Relief floods his body. This party is turning out to be so much better than anticipated. And maybe, just maybe… everything will be alright.

[cobythinks]

The Call: Pt. Ten

Be sure to read all the other parts first! You can find them on my MASTERLIST

Tag list below the cut!

Summary: Roman doesn’t want to think about what he’s been remembering. But after he’d passed out, there was no way to avoid it. Luckily, his friends are eager to help him feel better. Even if that means they don’t get to know everything.

WARNINGS: Hospital, mentions of memory loss, PTSD, mentions of flashbacks

Enjoy!

“You don’t remember passing out?” Dr. Montes asked again. Roman sighed, rolling his eyes.

“No, I don’t remember passing out,” he mumbled, glancing around at his friends. Dr. Montes followed his gaze, then stood up.

“Why don’t you three let me talk to Roman alone for a minute?” he asked, giving them a polite smile.

“O-oh! Of course…!” Patton stammered immediately. He and Virgil left, Logan trailing slowly after. Roman watched them go sadly, burying his face in his hands.

“Roman, what’s this about?” Dr. Montes asked as soon as the door was shut.

“I’m Twenty-One years old,” Roman muttered.

“Yes.”

“I barely remember anything about three years of my life,” Roman continued, lifting his head only to stare at the opposite wall. Dr. Montes sat down in the chair Logan had been using, clasping his hands together.

“I assume you’ve been remembering things, then,” he said softly. Roman looked at him in surprise, then sighed and nodded. “Does that have anything to do with what happened just now?” Roman hesitated, but Dr. Montes seemed to already know the answer, so he nodded. “What happened?”

“I was talking to the guys,” Roman said softly, staring at his hands. “And I remembered something about… about where I was. When I remembered… it was like I was there again. Seeing it all. And then Logan woke me up.” God, please don’t let this guy ask what he saw. Roman blinked, trying to keep himself in the hospital room instead of the one from his dream.

“Alright.” Dr. Montes stood up, putting a gentle hand on Roman’s shoulder. Surprisingly, this helped and Roman managed to push the images into the back of his mind. “Well, I have to say that’s normal. I was also supposed to let you know that the detectives who were helping search for you will be coming by today to talk to you. In the meantime, I’ll work on getting a psychologist and a therapist for you to talk to. Is that alright?”

“I guess.” Roman shrugged. “Sorry.” he couldn't help but apologize. Dr. Montes was just doing his job… but it still felt like he was going to extra mile.

“Don’t worry about it, Dr. Montes chuckled. “Just focus on feeling better and gaining strength. Food will be up here soon, as well.” Roman nodded. “Would you like your friends to come back in?”

“Yes, please,” Roman said, looking toward the door. He hated making them leave, but he felt like if they knew about what happened to him they might… not stay. It was silly, probably. Besides, the fewer people who knew, the better.

“How do you feel?” Patton asked as he bounced in. Roman gave him a tired smile.

“I feel alright,” he said. Not a complete lie, he didn’t feel horrible. Roman leaned forward and picked up his notebook and one of the pens. “Sorry for kicking you guys out.”

“It’s completely understandable,” Logan adjusted his glasses and sat back in the chair. “I assume you and Dr. Montes worked something out.”

“Yeah,” Roman opened to the front page of the notebook and absently sketched the outline of an eye again. “So I’ve been meaning to ask how everything’s been.” and he didn’t want to think about the warehouse for a while. Roman lifted his head and smiled at them. “What have you guys been up to while I was gone?”

“Oh!” Patton’s face lit up and Roman grinned. “I forgot you didn’t know! Who wants to go first?”

“I will.” Virgil chuckled, sitting on the edge of Roman’s bed. Roman smirked at him. “I’ve taken a few classes in school, y’know, with art and stuff.” Roman nodded, tilting his head. “And cosmetics, mostly hairdressing.”

“That’s where he works,” Patton said helpfully. Virgil made a face.

“I work at the crappiest salon in the history of my life,” he corrected. “I’m just doing that until I can get a spot in another one.”

“Never thought you’d be a hairdresser,” Roman chuckled. “Will you dye mine full rainbow when I’m out of here?”

“We’ll see,” Virgil said, shaking his head. Roman smiled, sitting back against the headboard to listen to Patton talk about the vet clinic where he worked.

If only he’d been here those three years to see his friends progress.

To Be Continued...

Tag List:

@bunny222 , @laragazzadellluna , @occasional-lamp-doodles , @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing , @zucchini999 @give-me-a-minute-to-think, @gayedgytrash-deactivated2019020, @sanders-sides-is-my-life

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

[the-shadow-of-atlantis]

Cinderella AU

Summary: Cinderella AU for Annabella and Kaldur. Thirds time the charm?

Tagging: @lizartgurl @melyaliz @coffee-randomness @gobydana @keanureevesislesbian @speedypan

Part 4

Read Earlier Parts Here

Two months, Kaldur had been grounded for two months after the dinner. Of course, he was the one to get blamed for Annabella Wayne leaving and for apparently ‘holding out on information’ though Kaldur hardly knew what his stepfamily meant by that. But in any case he was grounded for two months, no phone, no going out with friends, and double the work and chores, even his paycheck got cut by more than half. And to be honest, Kaldur had reached his breaking point.

The day of his so-called freedom was one of the worst mornings. He woke up late, burned breakfast in his attempt to get it done quickly, and missed his class. Worst of all, his brothers broke his phone. He had just gotten it back when Adam snatched it from his hands and began going through his messages.

“So how did you know little Wayne before the dinner?” Adam asked as he scrolled through Kaldurs messages. “Are you her secret boyfriend? No wonder she keeps you in the dark, who would want you around?”

This was another thing Kaldur suffered through this past couple of months. Every time Annabella Wayne came up in any media outlet his stepfather would glare at Kaldur and make some snide comment about her. Adam was determined that she and Kaldur were secret lovers and that's why she rejected him, he was dead set on winning her over, however. Micheal simply made kissing faces whenever she would come out on tv.

“Give it back.” Kaldur sighed.

“Not until you cough up her number.” Adam keeping it out of reach fy tossing it to his brother who was coming up the stairs. Except he didn't catch it and instead the phone went toppling down completely breaking.

Kaldur stared at it in shock. No, this couldn’t be happening. Having his phone back was one of his only escapes.

“What happened?” David asked walking into view.

“Kaldur broke his phone.” Said Michael pointing a finger in Kaldurs direction.

Before David could start yelling Kaldur ran. He ran down the stairs and out the door. He ran towards the nearby beach leaving Davids yells behind. He let his legs carry him as his eyes blurred with tears. Despite the burn he felt in his lungs and the ache in his legs he pushed himself farther and farther away, that was until he heard an all too familiar voice shout.

“Watch out!” But it was too late, Kaldur felt heavy paws hit his chest and suddenly he was on the ground getting his tears licked away.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry. Titus off. Off.” The voice ordered and the dog whined as he hopped off Kaldur and for the first time in a while Kaldur laughed.

“It’s alright.” Kaldur chuckled as he wiped his face looking up he was met again with a pair of worried brown eyes. “I’m starting to wonder if we’ll ever have a normal meeting Miss Wayne.”

“Please.” the girl held her hand out. “Call me Annabella.”

Kaldur took her hand and Annabella helped him up.

“Are you okay?” She asked as he patted himself off.

“Yes, he didn’t tackle me too hard.” Said Kaldur but when he looked at her he noticed she was looking at his eyes and suddenly he remembered why he was out there in the first place. Giving her a small smile he said, “it's just been a long day.”

She didn’t seem to buy it but didn’t press further.

“Would you like to join me?” She asked holding up her hand with the leash tightly gripped. “I promised my brother I’d got him to walk enough to have a good night's sleep.”

Kaldur looked down at her outstretched hand weighing his options for a bit. Smiling he took her hand and she smiled back.

“So what are you doing out here?” He asked as they walked along the beach.

“It’s my day off. My little brother Damian got sick however and wouldn’t stay in bed because he wanted to take Titus here out for a walk. The only way I could keep him still was if I promised to take Titus out.” Annabella smiled at the dog. “I came out here to get away from the press. I’ve got a lot going on I really don’t need them on my tail right now.”

Kaldur softly frowned he knew his stepfather was spreading lies about her ever since the dinner was a disaster. He hoped it wasn’t affecting her business openly.

“I’m sorry.” Kaldur blurted out.

“For what?”

“David has been the one telling lies to the press. You don’t deserve that type of treatment.” Kaldur stared at her in surprise when she began to laugh.

“Oh, that doesn’t surprise me. Don’t worry about it Kaldur, I’m used to it.” Annabella shrugged.

“It’s still not right.”

“True, but as long as I know the truth it doesn’t matter what others think about me.” Annabella Gave him a small smile.

They slipped into a comfortable silence listening to the waves crash.

“So,” Annabella broke the silence. “You’re Calvin Durhams son right?”

“Yes, I am,” Kaldur spoke softly.

“I forgot he had a son. I Know it was a long time ago but I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” Kaldur softly mumble.

“I remember he used to do business with my father occasionally. He would always give me these little taffy candies when he would see me.”

“Yeah, those were his favorites.” Kaldur smiled remembering his mother scolding his father for giving him those candies before dinner. The thought of food made his stomach growl and kaldur remembered the lack of breakfast he had.

“Well someone’s hungry.” Annabella giggled.

“Sorry.” Kaldur sheepishly rubbed his head.

“It’s okay. I think Titus needs a break anyway and I could use some food. Got any place you recommend?”

Kaldur paused wondering if he should take her to his mother's diner. On the one hand, the company wasn’t all that great but he was sure no would recognize her. But then again he had to worry about his brothers showing up, though he doubts they would be there at this time.

“Yeah, I know a place.” He said after a while.

“So you own this place?” Annabella asked as she looked around the tavern a bit of awe in her eyes.

“Um not really. It used to be my mothers' diner but after my stepfather got it in the will and he gave it to my stepbrothers and now I just work here.” Kaldur explained as he set a plate of food in front of her.

“That hardly seems fair.” Annabella frowned as she bit into the food after a while she gave Kaldur a suspicious glance. “You cooked the food at the dinner that night didn't you.”

Kaldurs fork was halfway up to his lips when he paused. “Umm… yes?”

Annabella frowned again. “I know you're his stepson but that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that.”

“He wasn’t always bad. I mean he treated my mother nice.”

“But you are her son shouldn’t that mean he treats you good too.”

Kaldur looked down, this was the first time anyone took him into consideration that wasn’t his friends. Thinking she overstepped she quickly apologize.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No, it's fine. I’m just not really used to this kind of… attention.”

Annabella softly blushed as she kept eating.

“Can I ask one last personal question?”

“Only if I can ask you one in return.” Kaldur smiled.

“Deal.” Annabella laughed as she took a sip from her drink and cleared her throat. “Your tattoos do they mean anything? They seem very unique.”

“They are a family tradition from my fathers’ side. Every member gets them at the age of 16. I also got them to honor my father. My mother was there with me the entire time, she even got them herself.” Kaldur explained with a soft smile on his face.

Annabella couldn’t help but notice how much his face would light up as he spoke of his family. Her eyes wandered to his arms following the curves of the markings that ended at the back of his hand. Shaking her head she smiled.

“Now what would you like to ask me?”

Kaldur paused and thought for a while. “Why the animal sanctuary? I mean I love what you will be doing but-” Kaldur noticed her smile drop. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No it’s fine it’s just a bit of a sad story.”

Kaldur waited as she stared off for a bit trying to gather her thoughts.

“My grandmother.” She spoke softly. “She’s actually the reason I’m alive. My mother didn’t want me, tried to get rid of me. My grandmother rushed her to the hospital, managed to find out who my dad was and called him. She was always there for me telling me I didn’t have to do what others expected of me. She taught me a lot how to be independent, how to be kind but also keep my head up. She had this small farm back home, she always let me help with the animals. Always encouraged my love for them and never found it silly when I said I wanted to be a vet. She died when I was 13, everything I do now is to honor her.” Annabella smiled sadly.

Kaldur reached out and held her hand. “I know what it’s like to lose someone that close to you.”

“Yeah.” Annabella sighed softly using her free hand to wipe the stray tear that managed to escape.

They then realized that they were still holding hands and pulled away, both unaware of the blush they hid. They continued talking, their conversation running smoothly as they talked about everything. But it all came to an end when Annabella's phone rang looking at it she frowned.

“Sorry, I have to go my dad wants me back home.” She gave Kaldur an apologetic look.

“It’s okay. I’ll walk you out.” Said Kaldur as he stood up and cleared their table, Annabella took the chance to leave a generous tip at the bar.

“Do you need a ride?” Annabella asked as they got to her car and she got Titus inside.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t live far from here.”

“This was fun.” Annabella smiled as she brushed her hair back.

“Yeah, it was.” Kaldur let out a small chuckle.

“Oh, you know what.” She held up a finger signaling him to wait as she opened her door and leaned over to rummage through the glove box. Sitting up straight she held an envelope quickly opening it and handing him a piece of cardstock from inside.

“It’s an invitation to my charity gala. You’ll be let in as long as you have that with you.”

Kaldur stared down at the invitation in shock. “Are you sure you want me there?”

“It will be a lot more fun if you go. Promise you’ll be there?” Annabella looked at him hopefully.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” Kaldur smiled.

“Great.” Annabella smiled as she tore off a piece of the envelope before tossing it to the side. Kaldur couldn’t help but notice that the envelope read mom.

Pulling a pen from her pocket she scribbled on the piece she held and handed it to him.

“The party is a mascarade, get in contact with me as soon as you get your mask and let me know what it is.”

Kaldur hadn’t told her he had broken his phone but took her number anyways hoping he could ask one of his friends to message her. Quickly tucking the number into his pocket he watched as she got adjusted into her car and turned it on.

“See you soon.” She said as she waved goodbye.

Kaldur waved back and sighed as he thought about what awaited him back home.

[thecoolestwitch]

Tag/ask Game

Okay so @soft-pandemonium tagged me in this a little while ago and I completely forgot to do it. (Im so sorry)

I have no idea who to tag so feel free to do it if you want to I guess? 😂

Nick Name: I don't really get called anything other than Niamh to be honest. My nephews call me Niamhy-Weavey. I get Niamhy a bit. O don't think this counts but one of the other volunteers where I volunteer at will consistently call me Eve 😂

Bonus: My mam used to call me Niamhy Niamhy Num Nums when I was younger but we don't speak of that.

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Height: 6'3

Last Movie I saw: Bohemian Rhapsody. It was sooo good. I've been in love with Rami Malek since Night at the Museum 😂

Last thing I googled: Gerard Way. So when my older brother was 15 and going through his Emo phase he looked exactly like Gerard Way. I searched for a picture to show my dad and he found it unsettling how much they resembled each other

Favourite Musician: I don't know!! I listen to mainly Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco and BTS but I listen to all sorts really and I can't pick a favourite. And Meatloaf and Bon Jovi too.

Song stuck in my head: Do You Believe in Magic? By Bbmak from Peter Pan: Return to Neverland. Which is my absolute favourite film. I had it on video and I would watch it every day without fail. One day it broke and I cried for like a week.

Other blogs: I have a side blog that i never use

Do I get asks?: No 😂 I've never had an ask

Following: 84, I need to follow more people.

Amount of sleep: Usually about 3-4 hours. I have trouble getting to sleep and I always wake up at 4:30am. I don't know why I just do.

Lucky Number: 13. Fun fact: I was born on Friday 13th which might explain why I am such a disaster human.

Dream Job: Writer. But I can never seem to get what is in my head onto paper

Dream Trip: I really want to travel in America. Or Italy. I want to go to London again because although I've been there about 3 times I've never really explored it? It sounds kinda silly because I'm British but I'm from the North East and I don't drive so I can't just pop down for no reason? Also trains are expensive.

Favourite Food: I love food. Except tomatoes because they have a funky texture to them. And banana flavoured things. I love bananas but I just hate the artificial banana taste. Those banana foam sweets are disgusting. But my absolute favourite food would be Herby pasta with chicken and mushrooms.

Do you play any instruments?: Not really. I used to play Keyboard and Guitar but stopped. I wasn't very good either.

Languages: I speak English obviously. I took French at GCSE but I got a D. This is probably because I told my teacher during the spoken exam that i was sorry but I couldn't understand her because I don't speak French... In French...

Favourite Song: Again I don't know! I've been listening to Bang the Doldrum and Hum Hallelujah by Fall Out Boy a lot recently though.

Random Fact about me: I dont remember this because I was 2/3 but one year my dad took me to an air show and we were on the beach. Apparently every time a plane went overhead I would fall face first like a log and pretend to be dead. 😂😂I have no idea why I did this but my dad said that it was adorable.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: oh boy this is gonna be shit. Apologies

Edit whoops forgot to add this 😅😅but I don't have to time to do this now I'll do it soon x

[tnystrk-exe]

Reckless and Impulsive 7

Tony Stark X Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 End

You wandered around the party’s venue, staggering slightly. Tony had gone missing a couple two hours ago. So, you drank to fill the time.

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologized, almost tripping on someone’s foot that was sat on the couch.

“You don’t need to apologize.” The random man took your hand and pulled you down onto his lap, “I may have a better idea of what you can do with that mouth instead of apologizing.”

“I think not,” you replied quickly, attempting to get out of his hold.

“Come on play with me for a while, sugar.” He pressed a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Rhodey pulled you out of the man’s grasp. He made a signal for the guy to be removed. “Hey sweetie,” he kissed the top of your head, “You feeling okay? Do you want to go?”

“What about Tony?”

“I already saw leave with someone.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “let’s go.”

Rhodey helped you walk out, “At least you’re easier to manage than Tony. How much did you have?”

“I lost Tony a while ago. So, I drank,” you shrugged, “I had a good bit.”

He helped you into his car and got in the drivers side. “You’re staying at Tony’s tonight too or do you just want to go home?”

“Wanna go with you and Tony,” you mumbled, resting your head on his shoulder. “I love my boys.”

“Yeah, we are pretty great. Aren’t we?”

“The best.”

“And when we get home, you’re going to take a shower and eat before you go to sleep.”

“Food sounds amazing.”

You dozed off on his shoulder, not waking up until the car jolted to a stop.

“But you’re more amazing than food,” you completed sleepily.

He laughed, “Thanks YN.” Rhodey helped you into the home, pulling away from you to unlock the door, “Go take a shower. I’m going to look for food. Dont do that thing that Tony does and get into the liquor.”

“Yes, dad,” you sassed, walking off to complete your orders. After the shower you quickly realize you forgot to stop by Tony’s room to grab your clothes. Wrapping a towel snuggly around your body, you raced to his room hoping Rhodey was too preoccupied to notice. Closing Tony’s door you start rummaging the drawers for the clothes you left a while back.

“Well, that’s a sight,” Tony said, nonchalantly sipping on a bottle of rum, “Your clothes are in the drawer in the walk in, the very top one. Maybe not the shirt, but just take one of mine.”

“Thanks, Tones,” you gave him a small smile displayed the blush as you closed the walk ins door. He was exactly right. You pulled on the shorts and one of his shirts with a science pun on it. “I’m clean, that creep’s hands don’t feel like they’re still on me, I’m hungry, and I’m kinda drunk. Calming down, I think,” you said as you went to lay face down on his bed.

“Never mind, I like this view sight better,” he joked, “Want some? Wait what creep?”

You sat up and took the bottle, “Just some dude. Saying we should play and I can do other things with my mouth.”

“Who?” He asked, in an eerily calm tone. It hadn’t been that long since the Starks and Tony was choosing most small fights, but now this was something important to him.

“Down boy,” you set the bottle down on the bedside, “Rhodey helped me. Your security isn’t lax on these things. It’s just hard to spot in all the moving bodies. It’s handled.”

“Let me help.”

“Fine,” you made him lay down and cuddled yourself into his side, “You’re helping.”

“This is hardly helping. I’m the one that put you in that position. I left, what if Rhodey didn’t make it to the party after all?”

“It is helping,” you shifted so that you could rest your head on his chest and look at him, “You can’t feel guilty about this, okay? Nothing happened. It was just a minor bump in. Rhodey, you, and me, we’re all okay.”

He didn’t answer opting to just glare at the wall.

You sighed and got up from the bed, making Tony follow after. “Let’s go see how our favorite Rhodey is doing.”

Rhodey was singing along to the song on the radio as he was cooking. “How’d you find a station playing Rocking Robin?” You laughed.

“Do you have a problem with it?” He smiled taking your hands as he started to spin you around to the song.

The two of you were dancing happily, giggling like little kids. Tony finally cut in, “May I have this dance? Usually they are my date.”

“Go right ahead,” Rhodey pulled away from you. Tony immediately went to Rhodey and started dancing the next song with him. You sang along to Johnny B Good. Everything seemed lighter, nostalgic.

You watched them laughing softly before taking over the cooking. Their song ended as you were setting up food onto the plates. “Time to eat boys.”

“Wait, wait,” Tony grabbed you as the next song started, “You really think I was going to pass up the chance with my girl.”

Your song with him was slower than the past two but it worked. Tony slowly moved the two of you along, his head resting on his shoulder. He sang along quiet enough where you could think you imagined it.

“For I can’t help, falling in love with you,” he finished, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I can’t wait to be your kids godfather,” Rhodey pipped up as he ate.

You and Tony pulled away quickly after that. “So it’s time to eat right!”

Both of you sat down next to Rhodey. “Thanks, Rhodes.” Tony cuffed him playfully.

“Anytime. So, what are the odds of having one named after me?”

“Rhodey!” The two of you yelled, much to his amusement.

“What’s your middle name?” You asked.

“Rupert.”

“Really?” You scrunched your nose, “You’d have better like with James or Rhodes. Maybe Rhodes, it’s not like we ever call you James.”

“So you’ll name one after me?” He asked excitedly.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Hey, what about me I’m cooler anyway?” Tony looked offended that he wasn’t being taken into consideration.

“They’re going to have your last name,” Rhodey said in a fake frustrated tone, “Isn’t that enough?”

“No!”

“Come on you two, let’s get our plates and go watch a movie. So we can stop talking about my future hypothetical kids and who their father is.”

The three of you gathered your plates and moved into the living room. Tony set up Ferris Bueller’s day Off and you guys continued to eat in comfortable silence.

“I’m heading to bed,” Rhodes took the plates to the kitchen. “Goodnight!” He called out.

“Goodnight!” The two of you called out.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t draw all over you again.”

“Come on, let’s head to my room so we don’t make too much noise for him.”

“I don’t wanna get up,” You whined, slouching further into the couch.

He got up rolling his eyes, “Just ask if you want to be carried.”

“Tony can you please carry me?” You added a small pout for good measure.

He scooped you up into his arms easily, “You’re lucky I’m fond of you.”

You yawned, resting your head on his shoulder, “Love you too, Tone.”

He walked to his room and set you down on his bed softly. “Be my valentine?”

“Really?”

“I mean Valentine’s is up in what thirty minutes? Come on be the first Valentine I actually care about. I know, I’m not in a good state right now and I probably won’t be anytime soon. So, will you just be mine for the next thirty minutes.”

“A no strings attached valentine? You’re gonna have to make this really good, I haven’t had a real valentine.”

“Is that a yes?”

“I’d love to be your valentine.”

“I planned ahead and I have gifts.” He went to his closet and came out with a gift bag.

“Tony, you know you don’t have to get me anything.”

“I don’t have to, but I want to. Come on open it!”

You opened the gift bag to reveal three presents, “Tony, you really shouldn’t have.” You took out the smallest box and unwrapped it carefully, it was a simple bracelet with a heart charm that was surely the most expensive thing you owned. “I love it.” He helped you put it on. The next was a slightly bigger box that, it turned out to be a newer Polaroid camera with tons of film. He knew how upset you were when your old one ceased to function. Next was a simple bear, “Classic! I really love it all, thank you, Tony.”

“Anything for you sweetheart!” He pressed a kiss to your cheek.

You loaded up the camera, “C’mere.” The two of you posed for a couple of pictures. Smiles, silly, scary, you kissing his cheek, you kissing his, whatever you two thought about at the moment.

It was simple to see how easily it was for you two to switch into a more romantic tone. Though it didn’t particularly surprise either of you. Neither of you had kept it on the inside how you felt. Maybe you would be together for more than thirty minutes if some things didn’t happen or, maybe, you just weren’t meant to be together.

“You know, I really love you. Like I think in the honest and true way.”

“I think, I do too.”

“I’m a real mess, YN. I know it. You know it. I don’t want you to have to deal with that. Look, we can wait. When we’re older if the feeling is still there, if I’m in better control. We can try. That doesn’t mean we have to put things on hold. If life goes on without the both of us together, we should let it.”

“You’re right. Just know I’m still here for you,” you ran your hand through his hair, “In any of those situations.”

“Of course, I do. I can always depend on you.” He kissed the corner of your mouth.

“You know, there’s a minute left on the clock.”

“Not if we unplug it.”

“You’re the one who taught me leave them wanting more you joked.”

You were pulled onto someone’s lap for the second time for the day. The only thing was this time it wasn’t unwelcome. “My genius, it’s a gift and a curse.”

“And your need to talk all the time is taking up all the time.” You leaned in and caught his lips in the first kiss that wasn’t for a joke or a badly timed drunken decision. It was right and good, exactly the type of kids the both of you were waiting for.

Tony looked dazed when the two of you pulled away. “You definitely left me wanting more,” he joked, pulling you to lay down with him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, honey.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, dear.”

Tag: @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @skeletoresinthebasement @nerissa98 @mala-firebringer @lanilovespsychos @the-blue-haired-boy @firedolphin04 @kasiarella @princess76179 @geeksareunique @random-fandom-lady @thevanishedillusion @jessicaguerreiro07 @125bluemachine125 @charlotte-of-the-enterprise

[queerchoicesblog]

Lost Without You (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele)

A bit later than announced but finally here is my Adele POV fanfic mirroring my very first Titanic work Ghost of You. I added some background to Adele’s past and her survival guilt/trama as well but Zetta always finds a way back into our fave suffragette's mind...and heart.

Thank you all once again for the amazing support showed with my previous work: I can’t tell how much it means to me! Hope you will enjoy this one too!

Disclaimers: I quoted some pieces of dialogue from the original book + I won’t mark this ns*w but this fanfic contains references to sexual activity: if it makes you uncomfortable, please skip it! You have been warned!

Word Count: 1988

Zetta x Adele Tag: @marmolady @animus-and-anima @hayley-carter19 @escako @everlastingchoices @andrxrneda @aestheticsayeed @eleanorwaverrley @indescribablechoices @ahrielstuff @lvcley @nazario-sayeed (+  @andi-the-cat as I have a feeling you like fics that coshowing back stories as well as references to our beloved Hileni: ignore it if you’re not interested!)

_______________________________

Adele walked Miss Sansom, a very chatty yet exquisitely nice old lady who was a regular customer of the hat shop, to the door, helping her maid with the pile of boxes containing the lady’s latest purchases. Miss Sansom immediately took a liking for the Carrem girls and always made sure to leave them a generous tip: Adele suspected that their status of “Titanic survivors” somehow influenced the lady’s genuine inclination towards philanthropy.

She lingered on the threshold until the two women disappeared from view, then she walked back to the counter and secured the coins she got in the tip jar beside the cash register. When they hit the bottom, she turn towards the main window and let her eyes wander on the street. A couple was laughing at a silly joke, two men, probably accountants were discussing the latest baseball match, the baker next door was ushering two giggling troublemakers out of his shop. Despite the leaves were now turning red on the trees, life was still blossoming. There were always places to go, things to see and to do in New York. Life was going on, for anyone except for her. 

For the first time in her life, she was unable to move on and look ahead…which was ironic considering that she had always been the one encouraging people not to dwell into the past and look and fight for a brighter future. She never rested, she marched in the first row at every protest, she ran fast like an avalanche away from the policemen and whoever could hold her back…now she was stuck, frozen in place. She was haunted by that night, the faces of all those people running and screaming in terror, the lifeless bodies of Gustav and her stewardess floating in the freezing water…Charlie looking at her on the lifeboat, anger and disappointment written all over his face: “I thought you knew me, Adal, but you don’t know me at all” before turning his back to her. He never spoke to her again and Adele knew she had lost a friend.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the glass: a pale static ghost in complete dissonance with the world on the other side. “How can they go on? How can they go on with their lives as if nothing happened?”. The reason was simple: they didn’t embark on the Titanic so they couldn’t understand what surviving felt like. They would throw an absent look at the newspapers announcing the official investigation over the sinking of the Titanic: in the end, the mighty “Queen of the Sea” truly made headlines. Just not what Mr Andrews, John Jacob Astor and the White Star Line pictured: tragedy and shame instead of shiny glory.

To be honest, though, even some of those who were on the cursed ship seemed to move forward. Matteo seemed to adjust well to his new life in America or so it seemed to her by the few letters he sent her. Hileni was recovering surprisingly well too. She probably tried to conceal it out of respect for her sister’s mourning, but she liked her new life: she immediately befriended the shop owner and his wife, she slowly but consistently started using new terms of the American slang she heard in the street. Adele suspected that she was quite smitten with the new delivery boy as well as starstruck for the motion pictures: they could only afford the ticket once in London and in New York she quickly turned into a regular at the surprisingly cheap nickelodeons. As a proof, a picture of a popular heartthrob of the big screen was now pinned over her bed.

America must have this effect on most, Adele considered.

“Lives, loves, the past – they’re worthless. Throw it all away and remake yourself. That’s the American dream right here”

She grimaced as Zetta’s words echoed in her mind out of the blue. She could still see her smirking at her in her suite on their first meeting, rather proud of her witty apology of the American dream that meant so much to her. She had to build a new self and a new life right from scratch in this country, breaking free from a liar, one of the many men who betrayed her. But now those words acquired a whole new and very painful meaning.

“Lives, loves, the past – they’re worthless. Throw it all away…”

Was she part of that worthless past to Zetta now? She hadn’t heard from her since they reached shore, even though she kept haunting her dreams from time to time. Her words of love, the desperate kiss they shared on the deck of the sinking ship, how she held her tight as she couldn’t stop crying on the lifeboat…she never left her side even on the Carpathia. Then she lost sight of her: she stroke her cheek and said she was going to ask for another blanket as the one Adele had wrapped over her shoulder was damp, sending chills down her spine but she never returned. Was she intercepted by her fiancé or was it a dramatic exit? Adele decided to leave it unanswered: it didn’t matter now, now Zetta was gone.

Undoubtedly, she had been busy with her new life since that day. Her “renaissance” as she called it at the Turkish baths. As the memory of that day resurfaced, Adele turned her back to the window and had to summon all her strength not to shed a tear.  She remembered every single moment of that day: Zetta, a vision, a goddess in her silky robe, patting the chair beside her, the heart-breaking grief on her face as she recalled James’s evil scheme, then her smile brightening again: she trusted her, permanently and till the end of time. When she smirked at her, Adele couldn’t help but blush like a schoolgirl and when she shared the true meaning of her renaissance and all the brilliant roles she would have loved to get before she couldn’t act anymore, the Carrem girl felt that she could have listened to her for hours: Zetta was a treasure chest full of wonders when she let her walls down and one of the most interesting and smartest women Adele had ever met, way more than just “a pretty face”. As she brushed a strand of damp hair out of her eye, the urge of kiss those soft lips became almost unbearable.

Adele had never experienced the state of pure bliss that washed over her under Zetta’s touch and kisses. Her moves were filled with desire but also adoration as if she was worshipping the girl in her arms. Adele had never been worshipped by anyone even though she had stolen moments of pleasure in the back alleys of London with her first love and a couple of factory girls. But those encounters were rushed, messy: hands fumbling to reach under the skirts, furtive glances around, the haste to elicit muffled moans before someone might catch you. Instead, even though the risk of being discovered was there, in Zetta’s loving arms she forgot about the world for a moment. She walked back to her cabin humming an old pub song of a poor sailor dreaming the golden hair of his rich lady lover. “Let me drown myself in the bottle of her perfume” she sang changing into her nightgown as Lena noted that she was in surprisingly good spirit that night.

Right now it all felt like…a foolish dream. A beautiful fantasy. The suffragette and the movie star, the factory girl and the first-class lady, two women so different from each other that became closer than they ever thought possible. They were just drawn to each other like magnets and in Zetta’s arms Adele felt safe, despite James’ scheme.

Adele found herself asking herself if in the end, deep down, that was what their romance had been to Zetta: a fantasy, a sweet dream bounded to end as they docked in New York, where she had a career and an enamored fiancé impatiently waiting for her. It was in every magazine, everyone was talking about the upcoming wedding and the movie star who survived the sinking. The other day two ladies came in and asked her a hat “just like the one Zetta Serda wears here”, pointing at a picture of Zetta arm in arm with Richard King in a fancy venue.  

Adele tried to remind herself that it wasn’t the first time a woman she loved went down that path, consequently disappearing from her life. She had been there before with sweet Marie, the girl next door who soon became her best friend and eventually more. She could still see her first love tremble as she whispered “Adele” over her lips before claiming them in a shy kiss. After a year, she received a proposal from Jack one of the lads at the factory. “Father suggested it is for the best: Jack is a fine young man, he…likes Jack”, she said, avoiding her gaze. Her father surely didn’t like the Carrem girl, who spoke Turkish and read Mary Wollstonecraft’s books. Adele remembered how she felt her stomach turn at that confession. Eventually, she went to the wedding, where Marie’s parents openly avoided her: she danced with the lads, congratulated Jack and hugged her friend, wishing her all the best for her future. Then, once she closed the door behind her at home, she collapsed to the ground, crying all the tears she had swallowed back: after Mother and Papa, she had lost her only love. Her sobs woke Hileni, who was too young at the time to realize or understand but her little sister wrapped her tiny arms around her, begging her to stop crying because “I am here, Adal”.

Yet that reminder brought no comfort to her this time. It did in the past, but not now, not when it came to losing Zetta.

Adele shook her head: there was no point in dwelling in such thoughts, they would not bring the woman she loved back, they would only make her heart ache more. As if on cue, a new customer walked into the shop, saving her from a grim memory lane: the Carrem girl was silently grateful to the oblivious man asking for a bowler hat.

Later that day, as she was closing up, Tim, the delivery boy stopped by.

"Hey, Miss Adele! Mail for you" he announced chirpily, handing her a letter.

"Just Adele is fine, Tim, remember?" she corrected him, offering a tired smile.

"I wasn't expecting any mail though..." she added, taking the letter into her hands.

"It better be something nice, Adele, cause I didn't go all this way to make you sad" he gallantly commented, tapping his head and winking encouragingly before walking back to his bike. "Have a nice evening!"

Adele looked down at the letter with a mix of confusion and anxiety: could it be bad news? Maybe from Blighty? No, the stamp was American and there was no indication that it could be the police or James...the penmanship looked familiar though: where had she seen it before? Unable to remember, she unsealed it and she found out that it was an invitation to the premiere screening of Zetta's latest film, Surviving the Titanic. So, Zetta didn't forget about me..., Adele though as a familiar warmth spread inside her. Unless it was Sabine's idea -Sabine! That was her writing! - but no, for some reason she couldn't believe that: perhaps this could be a new start, their new start. God, how she missed her...

When she reached to get the two tickets, a slip of paper fell from the folds of the invitation right on the counter. It was handwritten and the penmanship was different. Zetta's?

"Please come, my love. I must see you again. Yours, Zetta"

The last ray of sun illuminated Adele's face. A tear rolled down her cheek as her lips curled into a smile.

Yes, it would have been a new start, their new start.

[all-the-cliches-lwa]

Passing On Ch. 4

Ah, finally winding down to the final chapters. I’m a tad unsure how I feel about my direction with this chapter, but after this one, there is, like, one or two short epilogue-ish, i guess, chapter(s) (depending how I decide to upload it), one silly one more serious, which will hopefully wrap up the story just right. Hopefully.

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews/comments/tags I’ve seen so far, they’ve all been very nice! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Bernadette Cavendish was a wonderful witch, a blessing to all who knew her. Unfortunately, she had passed on all too soon. Every year since then, the Cavendish family would visit her grave to keep her memory… and every year Diana couldn’t help but feel more and more alone. This year, however, Diana had someone she wished to have with her, in the hopes that, this time, things would be different.

First Chapter

Previous chapter

ffnet ao3 

Word Count: ~5299 words

No one said a word as the five trekked out of the burial grounds. Not even Maril, Merrill, or Daryl mentioned anything about what happened earlier. For what reason, Akko had no clue, but she didn’t mind. Anytime without any of those three talking down at her was completely welcome.

More than that though, Akko was happy that Diana could have some time without having to do anything.

Akko looked to her side, where Diana was still clinging onto her left arm. Diana’s cheeks were red and tear stained, and her usually perfect hair hung forward out of place, obscuring her eyes from view. Her nose was still running, and her breaths were still staggered.

Akko brought Diana closer, and Diana quickly rested her head against Akko’s shoulder.

When they were out of the burial grounds, Akko unslung the bag Diana had brought earlier from her right arm and took out Diana’s broom. With a wave of her wand, Akko uncast the spell Diana had cast prior, poofing the broom back to its original size. She mounted the broom, and Diana followed behind her. Diana’s arms wrapped around her waist, and Diana leaned against her back.

Akko tried her best to turn to look at Diana, who had hidden her face in her blonde hair. She could feel Diana still trembling against her, could still feel her robes dampen, and it was clear that Diana wasn’t ready to return home just yet.

Akko took a deep breath and turned forward.

“Daryl?” Akko called out, breaking the silence. When Daryl looked back at her, Akko continued, already bracing herself for some jerky backlash, “can you go on ahead? I think Diana and I need a little bit more time.”

Akko’s brow shot up when Daryl just nodded and looked ahead.

“Just don’t take too long,” was Daryl’s reply before flying away, her daughters following closely behind.

Akko stood dumbfounded until Daryl and her daughters were no longer in sight.  When they were gone, she focused all of her attention on Diana.

“Hey Diana, I’m going to fly us slowly alright?”

Diana nodded against her back and wrapped herself closer, her arms trembling slightly. Akko rested her hand atop Diana’s  before turning towards the estate.

“Tia Freyre!”

Just like Diana did on the way to the burial grounds, Akko took several detours on the way back to the Cavendish estate. However, Akko took much more obvious detours, taking up significantly more time to get back, thus giving Diana enough time to fall asleep.

When Akko heard the gentle, even, breaths she could recognize anywhere, she smiled. She could not even imagine how drained Diana must feel. She couldn’t wait to get back so that Diana could just relax in bed.

When Akko finally flew towards the mansion, it only took five minutes before the pier was in sight. Akko looked behind her and sighed. Diana’s cheek was pressed against her shoulder. Her cheek was still red… but less than before… and her face felt so peaceful. Not a bit of tension.

She really didn’t want to wake Diana up… but she’d have to. They’d definitely been gone for way too long.

“Psst, Dianaaaaa” Akko whispered. “Dianaaaaaaaa.” But Diana didn’t budge.

Akko grunted as she gently rolled her shoulders backwards to, hopefully, wake her girlfriend up. After a few moments, Diana shifted, and Akko could feel the light flittering of Diana’s eyelids.

“Ak, Akko?” Diana asked, her voice hoarse.

“Morning Diana” Akko greeted softly, “We’re almost back. Did you have a nice nap?”

Diana stiffened against her back, and Akko had to stifle a giggle, imagining her girlfriend’s face hued an adorable pink. Akko had to bite her lip to prevent it from escaping when she felt Diana hide her face against her back and nod slowly.

Akko then looked back to the pier, where Anna was already standing in wait.

“Hey Diana, you ready to be back yet?” Akko asked quietly. “We could always take another turn if you need a bit more time.”

Diana shook her head. “No, no I should be okay, I’m sure that I have kept them waiting long enough.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am very sure.” Diana said. The hold around Akko’s waist squeezed just a bit more, and Akko felt a smile against her back. “Thank you though. I truly appreciate it.”

Akko nodded and hummed before beginning their descent.

“Milady, Lady Kagari, welcome back,” Anna greeted with a bow.

“Hey Anna,” Akko returned as she stepped onto the pier, “Sorry we took so long. Did I make you wait?”

“Pay no mind. Lady Daryl already informed of me of what happened and that you two would likely arrive later than they would,” Anna dismissed before turning to Diana. “Milady, I understand you must be very tired, and I apologize, but we must head to the entrance hall.”

“Huh? What? There’s more?!” Akko blurted. “I thought that we could both just go back to our room!”

“My apologies, but the Young Lady still must greet the people who have travelled here waiting to see her,” Anna said.

“But!”

“Akko, I will be fine,” Diana interrupted with a tug of her arm.

Akko turned to Diana and frowned. Diana’s eyes still seemed sore, and her cheeks were still red.

“But Diana…”

Diana shook her head. Her eyes glanced towards Akko and her robes for a second before flashing back to Anna.

“Anna, could Akko and I have a moment to freshen up before heading there?”

“Of course milady,” Anna said.

“Very well,” Diana answered with a small smile before she turned back to Akko. “Everything will be fine, Akko. I’ll be okay.”

Akko pouted again, and she furrowed her brow. She squeezed Diana’s hand, silently begging her to just go rest. Akko really didn’t want Diana to have to see so many people while she was still so vulnerable.

But Diana just returned the squeeze and smiled.

“Trust me, I will be just fine.” Diana said. “After all, you’ll be with me right?”

Akko’s eyes widened, and her heart skipped as the realization sunk in. It was in the gentle smile on Diana’s face, the soft squeeze of her hand, and the belief in her eyes as she looked at Akko.

Diana really wanted her to be there. Truly trusted that she would be there.

Akko grinned back at Diana and nodded.

“Of course!”

When Anna said that they would be greeting people, Akko assumed, or really just hoped, it would only be a short thing. Maybe an hour at most.

She completely forgot about the crowd of people who had camped outside the Cavendish estate the night they arrived.

When Akko caught sight of the long line, extending out of the entrance hall, and likely past the gates as well, she nearly collapsed.

Diana would have to greet all of these people?! How could Diana possibly be okay with this?!

It seemed Diana was aware of Akko’s inner strife, seeing as she giggled softly before pulling the both of them to their spot, just beside Daryl and her daughters, who all strangely ignored how late the both of them probably were.

Diana bowed to the first guest. Judging by the dark blue blazer and fancy moustache, Akko assumed that he had to be some sort of noble.

“I apologize for the wait,” Diana said.

“It is of no concern, Diana,” the old man dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Please, raise your head. Today isn’t a day for such trivial formalities.”

“Yes, of course,” Diana answered.

“Yes, yes” the old man smiled before noticing Akko. “And who’s this young lady?”

Akko stared blankly at the old man, as if she had just been caught sneaking off from detention by Professor Finneran. She then turned to Diana, silently asking for permission to speak.

Diana simply rolled her eyes and smiled, sending a nod.

“Oh, uh hi!” Akko greeted immediately, given the okay. “My name is Kagari Atsuko, er well Atsuko Kagari! But you can just call me Akko.”

“Ah Akko, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” the man said with a hearty chuckle and a twinkle in his green eyes. “My name is Albert Douglas. And how would you happen to know Diana?”

“She is my classmate at Luna Nova,” Diana answered back. Then she looked at Akko with a smile filled with so much affection, warmth rushed to fill Akko’s face. “More importantly, she happens to be my girlfriend.”

“Marvelous!” Albert exclaimed, before his expression darkened considerably. “It’s quite a shame she never had the chance to meet dear Bernadette.”

“Yes… it truly is,” Diana breathed out.

Akko gently rubbed her thumb over Diana’s knuckles and pulled her closer.

“Tell me Akko, do you happen to know much about Bernadette?”

Akko flinched, her thumb freezing in place. She gulped and she shook her head slowly.

“Is that so?” Albert pondered with a scratch of his chin. “Well let me tell you, she was truly a saint. She helped my wife you know?”

“She did?” Akko asked.

“Yes she did. Worked tirelessly too. She spared no efforts to find a cure for an illness my wife had. From what I was told, she worked day and night for over a week.”

“Woah.”

Albert chuckled gruffly. “Yes, woah indeed. Bernadette was truly a great woman, and she… she will truly be missed.” Albert then turned to Diana and nodded his head. “Diana, it was a pleasure. I still offer my sincerest condolences.”

“That is much appreciated Albert,” Diana answered back. “How is your wife, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Albert smiled. “Never better. She’s currently overseas for work, but she also sends her respects.” Then he turned to Daryl and sent her a nod as well. “Daryl, it’s been a pleasure.”

As soon as Albert left, the next person walked up to pay their respects. And when they left, the person after came up.

When she first saw the line, Akko was dreading the whole thing.

Of course she was going to stay with Diana, no matter what. Just, with the line, she kind of assumed it’d just be hours of standing around doing nothing while nobles just came in to pay short, shallow, respects before leaving.

Instead, she was met with people of all walks of life. From nobles to ordinary townsfolk. From the elderly to teenagers. There were even several families who brought along children who couldn’t be any older than seven years.

There were dozens of visiting groups. Many of them were like Albert, expressing curiosity for her presence, but were all ultimately very accepting. More importantly, however, each group arrived with a story to tell. A story of the different ways Bernadette had helped them in their lives.

From brewing cures for different obscure magical illnesses, similar to what she had to do back when she visited Lotte’s house, to creating a special cough medicine, to nursing an infant back to health, Akko was constantly amazed by just how much Bernadette gave to help others. There was just… so much to tell.

She had helped so many people in such a short amount of time… it was absolutely crazy.

Yet, the more Akko heard about Bernadette… strangely enough, the more she felt a knot tighten in her stomach.

It was weird. She was learning so much about Diana’s mom. She could begin picture exactly what kind of person she was, the kind of mark she had left on all of these people’s hearts.

She had already known Bernadette had to be an amazing person. After all, she raised Diana! She had to be amazing…

But this was so much more than she could have ever imagined.

When the final group nodded their goodbyes, Akko felt that knot tighten just a bit more.

She recalled the words Daryl had scolded her with this morning… about the fact that she hadn’t known Bernadette at all.

Well now she did know just how amazing Bernadette was. It really was no wonder even Daryl and her daughters teared up at her grave… Honestly, it almost made Akko feel small in comparison.

Even so, Akko really wished she could have learned even more about her... about, possibly, the largest influence in Diana’s life.

As soon as they were allowed, Akko and Diana retreated to their room. It was just past four, but they both immediately collapsed onto the bed. Akko fell first and opened her arms, letting herself be the perfect spot for Diana to nestle into.

Diana obliged, and Akko wrapped herself around, a now curled up, Diana. The both of them had been very silent since the guests left.

Akko was lost in thought, constantly thinking back to all of the things she’d just learned about Diana’s mom. Just… how crazy it was that she managed to cram that much life into a short few years.

Diana felt... absolutely exhausted.

It felt liberating to finally let go at the burial grounds. To just… allow herself to cry, to rely on someone for support, after years of fighting to keep it together alone… but it also left her drained of much of her energy.

Truthfully… the only reason she had made it through the day at all… was because of Akko.

Diana felt a pang in her chest as she thought of the day… all the things she must have put Akko through. From the constant surprises to the displeasure of having to deal with her relatives. It wasn’t fair to make her go through all of that… and, while the thought itself filled her with warmth, she couldn’t help but feel more guilty knowing Akko did it all for her.

“Akko?” Diana called out in a whisper, snapping Akko out of her thoughts.

“... Yes Diana?”  Akko slowly replied.

“Thank you… so, so much.” Diana said. “You have my sincerest gratitude for being here with me… and my sincerest apologies for any inconveniences I may have caused by having you here.”

“Bwe-eh?!” Akko sputtered. “Diana! You don’t have to be-”

“Akko, with all due respect… I truly do have to,” Diana interrupted. “I know I said this last night… but after today it needed to be said again. I apologize for everything Daryl and her daughters might have put you through today… and more importantly for all of the things I had neglected to inform you of before today.”

“Diana!” Akko protested, tightening her embrace ever more, “It’s fine! I know you didn’t mean to!”

“Even so,” Diana said in retort, “it was unfair of me to ask you to come without so much as an explanation as to what it was you would be doing.”

“That doesn’t matter though! I would have come, no matter what.”

Diana sighed, but smiled against Akko’s arm.

“I know, and that is truly why I must thank you. And why I still must apologize.”

Akko groaned, but Diana continued, undeterred.

“I can’t imagine what we have done today was anything like what you might have expected two nights ago.”

“... That’s true,” Akko admitted, though she still pouted in protest, not at all believing Diana needed to apologize for anything.

“Yes… well allow me to explain... what we did today… has sort of become a tradition, one I had neglected to tell you about, and again, I apologize. We’ve done it for several years now, actually.” Diana said with a breath. “Both greeting the guests… and casting that spell upon my mother’s grave.”

“A tradition?”

“Yes, a tradition,” Diana whispered, “It… started the year after my mother was buried. Before my mother passed, she’d told me the stories of the Cavendish burial grounds, stories of the great trees that have sprouted from the graves of each member of the Cavendish family, surrounding the estate. So… when I noticed no such thing happened to my mother’s… I’d assumed it was just simply lacking nutrition.”

“Diana…” Akko breathed out, slowly tightening her embrace around Diana.

“I think Aunt Daryl knew that wasn’t the case. Likely Maril and Merrill knew as well. Though, for whatever reason, perhaps as an excuse to visit mother again or just to allow a little girl to cope, they went along with me. At the very least, after several years, they had to have figured it out… but by then all of this had become such a natural thing to do. It was their way of keeping my mother’s memory alive,” Diana continued, nestling her head into Akko’s chest.

Diana took a heavy breath and sighed. She clenched her hands, gripping on the sides of Akko’s shirt.

“At some point, I realized it too… or perhaps I had always known. I just… refused to accept it, that someone like my mother, who, in all respects, perfectly epitomized the values of the Cavendish name, wouldn’t leave a tree, a mark, just like every member of the Cavendish family had, solely because she passed away too soon. It was as if… she’s truly gone, like there’s nothing left of hers on this Earth.”

Akko held Diana closer.

More than that, though, Akko thought about what Diana said, about Diana’s mom not having anything left on Earth, and the thought made her pout. She remembered the dozens of people lined up, each one with a story to tell. Each one with honest and very real memories of her.

Diana’s mom not having anything left on the Earth?

“That’s stupid,” Akko said suddenly.

Diana’s eyes widened, and she faced upwards.

“Wha-”

“Your mom doesn’t need some silly old tree!” Akko protested more firmly, looking down to meet Diana’s gaze. “She doesn’t need one because of all the people she’s helped! So many people remember your mom, remember her for all the things she did for them, and that’s so much better than some tree!”

Diana stared openly into Akko’s eyes until the intensity in those crimson irises was just too much, forcing her to turn away.

Still, the words Akko said echoed in her mind, pulling together all of the words and stories she’d heard from the guests. Stories she’d experienced firsthand as a child.

Stories that… have impacted all of those people’s lives, stories that have become memories for so many.

She could, once again, feel tears welling up… but these were different. Back at the burial grounds… her chest had felt empty, devoid of anything, at least until Akko came to fill it. Even after, she felt drained.

But now?

Now, her chest was filled with this... bubbly feeling, light and airy, begging to be released.

Akko, however, was oblivious to this.

When Akko felt a drip roll down her arm, felt Diana begin to shake, her heart instantly dropped.  The words she uttered played back in her mind, and while she really meant everything she said, she immediately fretted about how she chose to say it.

“E-eh?! Uhm! I didn’t uhm, it’s not like it’d be bad if your mom had a tree! I mean, if you want, we can plant one there tomorrow!” Akko babbled, immediately trying to salvage, what she thought, caused Diana to cry again, “Well, I guess not there there, but we could plant one around there. I think that’d look nice! Maybe-”

Akko’s blubbering only made Diana shake more, and Akko was starting to cry out in defeat... until she heard an unmistakable sound. A bright melody, a cheerful symphony.

Diana was laughing.

“I’m sorry Akko, you must forgive me,” Diana said between her giggles, “but I simply couldn’t resist.”

“W-what?” Akko spouted indignantly, though she did let out a sigh of relief.

Diana once again looked up, a tear rolling down her cheek but a wide, grateful, smile on her face. Only someone like Akko could have done this for her, could have made her laugh and drain her troubles away.

“Thank you for that, Akko. Truly. You are truly one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me,” Diana admitted. She took in a deep breath and rested her cheek on Akko’s chest. “I only wish that my mother could have had the chance to meet you.”

And, after everything she’d heard today, Akko couldn’t agree more. Being able to meet Diana’s mom, getting to know her... it would have been so cool!

But even so, there was a tiny, yet ominous, voice in the back of her head. A voice that muddied the light, clear oasis Diana’s laughter had brought.

Diana’s mom was so amazing. Even sick, even when she was weak, she was able to accomplish so much to help other people. Did so much, that people couldn’t help but look up to her.

And there was her.

The tiny voice brought up events from the past two days flashed through her mind.

Her messing up their surprise snack date.

Her doing... something embarrassing the night before.

Her not knowing… not taking the time to know about witches and their burials… or about Diana’s mom. Her lack of knowledge making Daryl and her daughters furious… and more importantly, and as a result, causing Diana more stress.

Would… Diana’s mom...

“... Ne, Dia-” Akko started but soon stopped, the tiny voice now making her question herself, making her ashamed for even having the thought.  

“Hm? What is it Akko?” Diana muttered.

Akko stiffened, her heart jumping into her throat. “It-It’s nothing! Nothing at all!” Akko laughed forcefully.

Diana narrowed her eyes and pressed her ear against Akko’s chest. She could feel Akko’s heart drumming heavily.

“Akko, what’s wrong?” Diana asked, with far more authority than earlier.

“I-It’s stupid…” Akko stammered, trying to quiet the incessantly loud voice now ringing in her head.

“Akko.” Diana said, now looking up into Akko’s eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please?”

Akko looked at Diana and tried to dismiss the question again… but Diana’s eyes were pleading, imploring her. And... try as she might, she couldn’t say no to those eyes.

Akko bit her lip and looked to the corner of her eyes. “Do… do you think your mom would have liked me?” Akko whispered.

“What?” Diana tilted her head, her brow wrinkling. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... like, do you think your mom would approve of us?”

Diana blinked, before letting out a chuckle. Would her mother have approved of the both of them?

Diana knew, there wasn’t any doubt.

“Of course she would,” Diana answered firmly, more sure of this answer than any she had ever given.

However, Akko’s face twisted, the voice in her head continuing to grow louder and louder.

“But how do you know? I mean your aunt still kind of hates me…”

“Exactly, and I happen to know my mother was almost nothing like Aunt Daryl” Diana joked.

“Mouu, Diana! I’m serious,” Akko pouted. “Besides, your aunt isn’t wrong when she says I’m really not all that talented as a witch… that I screw up a lot...”

Diana frowned  as she listened to Akko list off all of her insecurities. The speed at which she learned new spells. Her inability to keep out of trouble. The struggles she goes through just to pass a class.

With each passing word, Diana felt her heart ache. Her heart broke each time Akko's voice quivered.

Diana didn’t want to hear any of it, not when it was abundantly clear the purpose was to tear down the person she loved with all of her heart.

Diana knew all of this about Akko… knew that Akko worried about it from time to time… but there was so much more to Akko. So much to love, so much her mother would have loved.

She shifted around in Akko’s hold, which had loosened considerably, until she was facing Akko. She narrowed her eyes at her target and made her move, leaning forward.

“... and not to mention I still don’t know all that much about witch ru- mmph?!”

Diana pressed forward, capturing Akko’s lips with her own, effectively shutting her girlfriend up. It wasn’t long until Akko melted, sighing into the kiss.

Diana then pulled back, lifting herself above Akko, and stared right into her eyes.

“Akko, my mother would have adored you.” Diana answered firmly.

Akko shifted her eyes to the side, flattening her lips.

“H-how do you know?” Akko asked.

Diana sighed.

“I know my mother Akko, she would have loved you, faults and all.”

“But-”

Diana interrupted Akko with one kiss onto her left cheek.

“No buts,” Diana said as she pulled herself back up. “While, you do have your faults… you are aware of them and are working your hardest to make sure they don’t stand in the way of achieving your dreams… in helping others. My mother would have greatly admired that strength of character.”

“Diana, but I-”

Diana just rolled her eyes, this time moving to press a kiss atop Akko’s nose.

“What did I just say Akko? No buts,” Diana continued. When she saw that the expression on Akko’s face had yet to change, Diana sighed. Clearly she would need to try a more direct approach. “Akko, would you like to know how I truly know my mother would have loved you?”

Akko’s ears perked, but she still looked away, unable to meet Diana’s gaze. “H-how?”

Diana took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts, struggling to choose just one of an almost endless number of things to love about Akko to start with.

“Because… you truly embody all of the qualities my mother wished to see in herself and in others.” Diana finally answered.

Akko’s head whipped towards Diana’s and gaped at her, almost not even believing what she just heard. She embodied everything Diana’s mom looked for?

“Wh-what? H-how did, but I-”

Diana quickly pressed forward, this time pressing a kiss onto Akko’s right cheek.

“Shh, please let me finish,” Diana requested before beginning to speak once again. “First, and most importantly, you, Akko Kagari, are kind to a fault, able to show sympathy, if not empathy, with almost anyone in plight. You wish for the happiness of everyone around you, just as you did with the cursed spirit of Varajois the Wailing, with the faeries… and with me before we even became friends.”

Akko pouted, wanting to deny what Diana said. She wasn’t anything special or noble like that… but before she could say anything, Diana already placed another kiss, this time atop her forehead, causing her heart to flip and her thoughts to silence.

“Shhh,” Diana hushed, looking warmly down at her girlfriend, gently pushing aside a strand of Akko’s hair from her face. “Ah yes, and then there’s your willpower. Your determination,” Diana closed her eyes and smiled. “Sure, you find yourself knocked down… discouraged. But with just a little bit of support, you’re right back up again, ready to try once again.”

And once again, before Akko had any chance to protest, Diana pressed another kiss onto Akko’s face, this time by the corner of her lips, sending a jolt through each other’s nerves.

And thus the pattern continued.

Diana continuously sang her praises of Akko. Things she knew her mother would have definitely loved and admired.

She recounted the stories of their time at Luna Nova. Of all the things she managed to accomplish.

The way she managed to even change the minds and hearts of the most stubborn of teachers.

Diana spoke of the lengths Akko would go to help her friends… to help anyone.

She spoke of the trials Akko had faced, trials that would make any one witch quiver in fear, and how Akko faced them in her own way, in ways no one else would have even considered.

And of course, she lauded the qualities Akko had to embody to accomplish everything she has. Intense determination and drive. A strong passion. Depths of kindness and affection that knew no bounds. An openness to learn and an understanding to know when she needed help. And, of course, a true love of magic and a belief in all of its possibilities.

And just like before, Diana finished each thought with a kiss on a different spot on Akko’s face. She placed several on different spots of Akko’s cheek. She peppered Akko’s jaw with tiny pecks. She placed light, feathery kisses atop Akko’s head, and occasional slow, lingering kisses onto Akko’s lips.

Each kiss sent heat shooting up Akko’s face, made her heart race wildly, and filled her chest with fuzz and flutters.

By the time Diana was just about to finish, Akko was already a melted puddle beneath her.

“And… do you wish to know the reason that I can say, with absolutely no doubt, that my mother would have loved you Akko?”

Akko could only nod, finally completely lost in her girlfriend.

Diana smiled and pressed a short kiss onto Akko’s lips.

“Because… you would do absolutely anything for my sake. Because you encourage me to truly go after whatever it is I wish… and no matter what I say or do, you always find a way to be right by my side. Just as she would,” Diana took in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, remembering the lengths her mother had to go through to let her visit Japan that fateful night. The night that would link her and Akko together forever.  She then opened her eyes and smiled. “Because you love me, just as much as I love you.”

And that was it.

The fluttering in her gut. The overbearing heat in her face. The wild jumps and flips of her heart.  

It was all too much.

Akko’s eyes watered, and she reached up and pulled Diana closer to her, hiding her face in the crook of Diana’s neck.

Diana smiled and let herself be pulled in, and together, they laid in each other’s arms, not a word said until the sun had set.

When the moon shined through the translucent curtains, Akko whispered against Diana’s shoulder. A question whose answer was extremely obvious… but one she’s surprised she’d never asked before.

“Hey Diana, do you miss her?”

Diana held Akko closer and whispered back.

“Every day… but it’s certainly more bearable when I have people like you, our friends, and our teachers around.”

“She must have been amazing.”

“Yes… like you said. She was ‘just like some kind of hero’.”

“Do you… think you could tell me more about her? Like… I've heard a lot of stories… but I kinda wanna hear more about who she was from you.”

Diana pondered the question. It was something she would certainly be quite… open to, especially after everything they’d gone through during the day. But just how would she…

“Of course I could, Akko… I believe I still have some old family albums I haven’t looked at in years. Seeing as we still have another day here… perhaps I could show you some pictures of her as I share stories about her?”

“Y-Yeah! That’d be great!” Akko cheered, causing Diana to giggle.

“Very well, I will ask Anna if she could help us collect them tomorrow, and we can spend the rest of the day looking through each album.”

“Yay!” Akko cheered before letting out a loud yawn.

“Sounds like someone’s tired,” Diana joked, before letting out a loud yawn of her own, much to her own chagrin.

“Looks like I’m not the only one!” Akko giggled. “I’m rubbing off on you~”

“Y-yes well…” Diana muttered, her cheeks beginning to pinken, especially under the pale moonlight, “I suppose today has been extraordinarily trying. Shall we retire for the night?”

“Sure~” Akko sang before snuggling onto the bed and into Diana. “Night Diana! Love you.”

Diana smiled and nuzzled her head atop Akko’s.

“Good night Akko, I love you too.”