#are so present if you squint

[reginrokkr]

Is your muse a romantic? Do they dream of love and marriage?

It depends on what stage of his life is. In order to answer, I'll split it into three phases: his life up to being sent to Khaenri'ah, his life in Khaenri'ah and the present.

In the first phase of his life, Dain was quite the romantic type. While he wasn't pursuing it at the time, he dreamed of one day finding someone to spend the rest of his life with and also have a family with. A pretty naïve way of seeing love, sometimes even he would think so, but he was a dreamer and his outlook of life was much brighter and positive.

Regardless of the fact that his memories from his life in Celestia are completely gone, his feelings truly aren't. He may not remember dreaming of finding his significant other and that wish would still remain in an underlying manner rooted in his soul, but the weight of responsibilities and the roles he had to uphold in Khaenri'ah threw that in a lower priority in life. Furthermore, as a pure-blooded Khaenri'ahn that he was considered due to his pupil shape and the subsequent rise to nobility within the kingdom's societal layers, the concepts of love and marriage stopped being so dream-like and, instead, they grew more sober and potentially darker. Love no longer was pure nor lacked second intentions as it didn't marriage. Now it was subjected to his position in the society, the weight of expectations put on him and the stress that these factors entailed. As a result, whatever romantic or even sexual approaches he had weren't successful and it made him be more closed-off to the idea. Not that he truly minded, as he felt more at ease in that work-like environment he was neck deep in— albeit not without the longing of one day being able to be part of a selfless and genuine relationship of love, as unlikely as it would be to him.

Marriage to the present Dain is an impossible feat. Not only because of the curse and what it entails, but because he's too weathered down and because he doesn't have much self-esteem to begin with in order to commit to an act of selfishness like that. Love, while more likely to take place, it's quite hard. There is the factor that he might outlive his partner for one. But there is also this big baggage he carries that is hard to unpack for a potential partner and for them to understand, even less likely for them to accept and to continue the relationship in a healthy manner. It is also important to count with what the curse does to him, the pain he feels, the fact that he might forget things due to the erosion (and due to the psychogenic amnesia I headcanon him to have, which focuses on autobiographical memories— a good example to reflect this is his inability to name one single place in the entirety of Teyvat he could consider a favorite despite having traveled the world so many times). Now, in the hypothetical case that he does engage into a romantic relationship and it's successful despite all the baggage he carries and everything his partner should be aware of, he is romantic at heart. He might not be too vocal nor too obvious about it, but it's the smallest details, the touches, the way he looks at his partner, everything that makes his partner feel special and loved.

That romantic soul from the beginning up to his early 20s? It never faded despite how weathered he now is, it was simply buried underneath layers and layers of negative experiences and trauma that are hard to coexist with, but he still manages to press on with them despite everything. That is his major forte.

Vanilla sunday → Accepting! || @risingsol ✦

[black-and-yellow]

Spring and a Storm

[louroth]

last name reveal for IDREN//IDA + their moodboard character sheet

[karouvas]

There are really interesting dynamics at play in Adam’s description of Gansey making his apartment seem shabbier by being there and the contrast of Ronan fitting there, it’s a layered outlook he has because it shows how much he idolizes Gansey to a point where even now after realizing a few things about his being more motivated by fear and trauma in a way that’s similar to Adam rather than a total opposite, Adam still sees and conceives of Gansey as grand and beautiful in a way that’s larger than life, that he feels inadequate in comparison to and feels he doesn’t deserve in his life. And when it comes to the reasons his admiration of Gansey manifests in such unhealthy outlooks and feelings towards himself even at this stage after a mini breakthrough, there are the things that Gansey is as a symbol that Adam admires and is infatuated by the charm the beauty the seamless masking the wealth and status, power,polished and princely persona and then there’s also his admiration and love for who Gansey is; kind good brave beautiful loving generous warm complicated intellectual hungry to learn wondrous interesting. He covets and is enamored by both sides, but his love for Gansey as a whole person while real has to exist in this charged hyper-intense space, and is harder to let himself feel and express in vacuums when Gansey is a physical presence in front of him. A lot of that comes from class dynamics and then a lot of it comes from timing, Gansey was Adam’s introduction to and model for love and that’s a huge thing, so in every interaction or beat of their relationship even as the way he sees Gansey evolves and he grows to accept him more as a flawed complicated person, that fifteen year old Adam who stopped at the side of the road wanting to know the beautiful clever impressive boy but fearing cruelty and rejection and not being good enough / being pitiable, but then was shown kindness and curiosity and formed a real connection he still felt undeserving of / didn’t know to trust is So present emotionally even if not intellectually (because Adam is often far more emotionally erratic than he wants to see himself as and that’s the most extreme regarding Gansey, again because it was so formative). Adam’s soft underbelly gets exposed unwillingly in his relationship with Gansey in a way that’s really visceral and even more so because Adam avoids acknowledging / puts up defenses with prey animal anger and fear, and Gansey can’t see that this is the case because he can’t see through those shields and so thinks of Adam as mostly impervious to him when that’s not the case at all.

When Adam is eventually vulnerable with Ronan, it’s a lot more about Adam’s active choice to be that way or at least it is when he eventually gets to accepting his feelings for Ronan which come with accepting his own capacity to love and be loved. And through that he does expose himself to be vulnerable with Ronan in a way he hasn’t been with anyone else ever. Right now he is being vulnerable with Ronan in a way without acknowledging that to himself either, but it’s a vulnerability in terms of allowing himself to seek comfort in that relationship. Which Adam can do because Ronan, despite Adam associating him with danger in a later chapter which I’ll talk about when I get there, is someone Adam can be his unchecked self around and relax around instead of being on edge and self conscious, which is a sign that (at this point td3 is a different story) they can be good together in a way Adam and Gansey can’t. And I do think that the check out counter scene, even with the likelihood it wasn’t Ronan, is on the same level of integral memory to Adam as his first meeting with Gansey, but that boy made Adam want to be like him but wasn’t perceiving him and so Adam wasn’t thinking of how pitiable he was to him in that moment, just the “he had never wanted to be someone else so badly” (like I said previously I think all types of want and desire intersect with jealousy for Adam there’s more on that later, but he wants to take on qualities he loves in everyone he loves, he doesn’t love himself.) And then their friendship developed later on organically without the same level of idolization of it, so I think that’s part of the difference (as well as other things about the perception of Gansey vs Ronan’s wealth and how socialization around their different types of wealth effected them which I will talk more about in a few chapters).

[antique-lamplight]

tumblr is going to Kill the quality but have fun agonizing for the next 4 months

[brother-emperors]

i think you said in response to a previous ask that octavian and antony are a Worse version of the brutus and cassius gladiator-statesman dynamic, and that octavian and agrippa are a different thing that wasn't relevant at the moment. i was wondering if you meant that octavian and agrippa are a thing outside the gladiator statesman dynamic (and if so, any ideas on why that is?) or that they were a different version of that dynamic?

also, this is the same anon who asked about using some of your quotes in a presentation! it ended up going pretty well considering most people there weren't unwell about dead romans!

octavian and agrippa are thing outside of that dynamic! this is, ofc, a YMMV type of thing, this is very much getting into creative/thematic nonsense that I like to play with as someone who makes comics

but basically the cut off for the statesman-gladiator/politician-warrior dynamic is philippi. things get hazy leading up to philippi because julius caesar has already eroded a core element to rome's structure, which is that it's made HIM the focus point of politics. there is no longer room for horizontal alliances of power amongst men vying for prestige, there is only room for vertical loyalty (so like, a more extreme version of patronage and bossism politics) (and disloyalty! because you get stabbed if you make people unhappy!! you make your body one with the state and people will let you know what they think of you. and the state.)

Antony, Fulvia, and the Ghost of Clodius in 47 BC, Kathryn E Welch

so by the time octavian wins, standing on top of everyone else, the general power structure of rome has changed and it's not going back. it looks the same, and people are going 'nooooo it's still a republic, LOOKS like the republic!' while dragging around decayed corpse, but it's different.

Caligula, Aloys Winterling

octavian and agrippa are co regents, with octavian as the clear head of state and agrippa, who is borderline unwell in his devotion to octavian, and somehow it worked for them. like, for them specifically it balanced out into a partnership.

Ancestor Masks and Aristocratic Power in Roman Culture, Harriet I Flower

in theory, this kind of dynamic (with a domestic politician and a general to enact imperialist policy) would be the blue print that would continue down, and boy did they try. tiberius and sejanus. caligula and macro. good grief. the system of relationships and obligations that allowed this kind of dynamic to show up frequently in the republic falls apart here because power corrupts, baby, and with a state assuming a body, there's no way that power is going distribute itself. everyone is going to want to be that body. except agrippa, who was devoted to octavian, but you can't. replicate that kind of intimacy even if you want to.

so it LOOKS like a statesman-gladiator dynamic, but they're really just co regents in practice, but the actual framework is closer to a king and his knight. they are also. incest adjacent. ground zero for the incest circus that happens later? or maybe something else.

basically the logic for that is the way that octavian kept trying to get agrippa into the family tree to make agrippa his heir prompted this kind of. increasingly more insular behavior. AND THIS TOO

Ancestor Masks and Aristocratic Power in Roman Culture, Harriet I Flower

additionally, I think proximity to octavian-imperial rome dooms a lot of people. agrippa dies before octavian, tiberius' character goes on a definitive downward arc. brother-pairs as rulers, caligula's hellenistic tendencies and the incest allegations with his sisters, the twin-ification of pairs--

Tiberius and the Heavenly Twins, Edward Champlin

--agrippina and nero. Everything Nero Was Doing With Masks And Theater Sure Was Weird. there's a kind of house dynamic going on with imperial rome, but the whole thing is a mouth eating itself. rot. pater patriae. in a permanent state of digestion. etc/

that last one is a thought I'm work shopping, but basically to me all of this is a worse version of the statesman/gladiator dynamic because of the concentration of power.

[mistressmalicer]

they are two freaks. i ship them so much

[straightlightyagami]

you know until relatively recently i thought i'm at least like.. noticeably above average appearance-wise, i took it basically as a given since i was a little kid. but then i realized i'm actually ugly as fuck and nobody would ever pay any attention to me or find me good-looking or hot or whatever and i will be alone forever and die alone. so.

[sisterdivinium]

Silence had always been her home — solitude.

Concentration shunned the noise of company and Jillian Salvius had long made secluded labs into sanctuaries.

Yet she found herself suddenly housing a nunnery — and suddenly she saw that presence was not all nuisance. Beatrice's step was light, Camila's voice low and Ava's laughter more song than hassle.

"If we can ever repay you..." Mother Superion said.

She was the greatest discovery, stern yet soothing: a partner whose every word was essential or unspoken instead.

Jillian smiled and shook her head.

She would not ask and risk ridicule — but they needed only stay.

[issuedsideways]

thinking about howard's childhood. thinking fruit stand thoughts

[spotsupstuff]

With your meta approach that void fluid should never have been harnessed in the first place, how do your iterators feel about their existences, which rely on it? Do any of them wish to be a part of the Cycle, how many of them wish none of them were ever built? Maybe this question is presumptuous in which case apologies

"meta" sdjklgsdjlgksmclkdsgjk that sure is a one way to call my daring decision to introduce that idea into the world

with the Sparrows' Dad question answered i suppose these questions have been sort of answered, but- no Iterator believes the Void Fluid should've never been found or used. the notion of it sounds silly at best, offensive and idiotic at worst. that whole thought is rooted in some low circles were they manage to still believe in the original religions or manage to cling on to their traditions. the Void stuff is, to a degree, a solid standing point of the Global Religion which is what the Iterators are meant to exclusively work with. anything outside of it is considered nonsense. it's basically like asking one of those toxic Christian people to consider accepting a piece of Hinduism into their faith or smth. it's unthinkable, even though the pagan religions and the Global Religion have a lot of stuff in common as a result of the spiritual being tangible thing to a degree of it being science

like Euros' whole religious journey is one to behold, because it has no business existing cuz of this divide of ideas

he starts off with a really religious colony that looks up to him as an actual god, with the Houses and his first Mechanic cementing this idea of him being a real proper holy being into his mind. then Sparrows comes by and by being so casual and nonchalant about everything she starts making him doubt his status. then she tells him she's a pagan and he ridicules it. one day she complains about her noodles being cold and "Man, would it be cool to have godly powers and just warm this stuff up with snap of fingers" and Euros, with a puffed up chest, exclaims he can do it right there and then

but Iterators don't have any heating stuff in their puppet chambers. so instead he accidentally brain blasts it while he tries to figure out how to use the gravity control in his chamber to generate some heat for this stuff. Sparrows mourns her splattered-all-over-the-place food while he has an existential crisis because yes. he really couldn't warm a single bowl of noodles up. a God would be able to. he isn't a God despite almost a century of people telling him he is

he doesn't tell Sparrows about how fucked up he is over this, just keeps it to himself to ponder while he keeps absorbing the already known information on the Big Question. Sparrows brings a wheel flower with herself one day and well, they are both a lil bit of children on the inside so they fool around with it, Sparrows takes a lil bit of it even though Euros doesn't know how to guide a first timer through such an experience and it ends with her crying her eyes out because it was just too much. she says she will never do this again. he takes an issue with this, because he's worried. he brings it up to her- "don't write it all off so fatally *please,* you know if you don't work on yourself spiritually- who knows what you will end up reincarnated as? that is a path to suffering." and she gets sorta angry with him and tells him that she doesn't care for that. his life mission and she flat out says that. not to be Mean, he knows she respects why he's here, she's simply talking about herself. only herself. "even if you find the solution to the Great Problem, *i* won't be taking it. i don't care for it." is what she essentially communicates with it

and that fucks him up even Further, because at this point they've been dating each other for around 5 or 6 years. he loves her endlessly. he knows she loves him endlessly too (she's already made that trip to Zephyr... went through her first deaths without comfort for the sake of His family that despises her. he doesn't doubt her love for him). but Still. if he does what he is made for, stopping these repeating deaths- which he started to think of as doing for Her sake, after she came back to him from Zephyr all emotional worn out n destroyed because of her deaths- she will not care for it personally

so what is he doing here. he's not a God, if he succeeds in the purpose of his life it won't hold much meaning for the most important person from the people he's doing this for... what is any of this for. what is he for. he's so infinitely smart and he Does Not Know

so one day he asks Sparrows to teach him how to pray. and worship. in her own religion that is supposed to be more or less banned to him by context, the one she doesn't really care to faithfully follow herself

she shows him how to after getting over her surprised and uncertainty (as an Iterator he's not. supposed to indulge the pagan stuff This much. as a man-made "God", he isn't supposed to worship a different God). he asks about stuff and she tries her best to explain from what she does know. then redirects him to her farm district to try looking for more information there, since she's kind of dumb in this stuff

he learns more and comes to the conclusion about the Void and how it would've been better if it was left alone all by himself. would've been better if he and his family never existed. he ponders it a while and then decides to just shrug about it and keep it to himself. no point agonizing about woulds and shoulds. he just has to keep living his life as the best person he can be

so that's the thoughts on that of the only Iterator who ever touched on it

and none of them wish to be a part of the cycle. the cycle Sucks compared to what they have going on (strange immortality and almost complete invincibility). for the most part they are quite content being as they are- giant cuboids in the sky made up of millions of little dudes. only Euros, again, ever ends up wishing he could just Leave himself and one day just die. just like any other victim of the cabin fever

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

Did I put Art Heist, Baby! references into my Titanic Wolfstar fic simply because I can?

Why yes, yes I did. I have no regrets.

[imagineacoolusername]

@carryon-countdown day 13: devotion

MAGICKAL COLD

1000 words, rated G (1/2 chapters)

Summary:

Baz gets sick and Simon takes cate of him

link to the fic

[aeide-thea]

also: i just finished n*torious sorcerer, and enjoyed certain aspects of it but was left unimpressed/unconvinced by others (longer letter later on this, maybe? no promises tho), which i guess makes it yet another addition to the growing list of m/m tradpub fantasy novels i wanted to love but ultimately didn't, quite? part of me is honestly starting to wonder if the capacity for love is burnt out of me, although that sounds awfully dramatic and i quite frankly think it's equally possible that we're just getting more and more writers coming up by way of fandom and that it's eaten particular, recognizable sorts of holes (ha) in their skillsets...

[oatmilkbasic]

i want to wake up and look like angel devil is that too much to ask

[ghostsangel]

your new neighbor has taken a liking to you

simon “ghost” riley x fem!reader

tags/warnings: mdni, infidelity (ghost’s marriage sucks), size kink, breeding , unprotected sex, degradation/dumbification, squirting, corruption kink if you squint

Simon is in a loveless marriage.

It’s sad—he knows that. Ever since he got back from deployment, things with his wife weren’t the same. She would stay at work late, come home smelling of someone else’s cologne, trying to hide her swollen lips.

Military service took a toll on him. The torture, the abuse, the loss of life—sometimes it was too much for him to bear. His wife didn’t understand, and he certainly couldn’t talk to her about it. She was too busy being fucked by other men to speak to him anyway. So, he kept his trauma close to his chest.

Then he met you.

You moved in next to him while he was away. When he left for service, the house was empty—vines withering up the creaky wood, yard overgrown and barren. As soon as he drove into his front yard, he knew that changed.

The house was fixed up, vines trimmed. A new coat of paint covered the old wood and made it look new. A hammock hung between two large trees in the yard. And one other thing was different.

Flowers. They were everywhere in your yard. Rose bushes, lavender, tulips, sunflowers—the yard was a rainbow of color. Simon could smell them from his front yard when he went outside to smoke or to get away from the confines of his house.

It wasn’t until he was smoking one afternoon that he saw you. Fresh-faced and young, gloved hands trimming back your rose bushes. It took him a while to say hi, but he did eventually. You were everything his wife wasn’t—kind, bubbly, thoughtful…innocent.

He found himself in your front yard more than he was at home, offering to help you trim your flowers or plant new ones. He was always filling the heavy watering can and watering for you—“I got all this muscle, sweetheart, let me use it for somethin’.”

Simon wasn’t sure when he began spilling his trauma, but one day, he sat on your couch with a glass of lemonade telling you about the war. The torture, the loss of his military brethren—everything. He told you about his past and his present, about his failing marriage; and most importantly, that he trusted you.

The first intimate actions were small. A brush of a hand, a squeeze of a thigh. Lips brushed against an ear. Small actions that made your tummy clench and his face grow hot. Eventually, it led to something more. Soft kisses on tender lips, hands running over scarred skin and muscle, strong arms wrapped around you.

And tonight, you kissed him with a hunger he couldn’t ignore anymore. Your tongue swiped so slowly along his that his knees buckled and his heart slammed against his chest. His fingers gripped your ass so tightly, you thought it would bruise, but it sent heat to your core all the same.

That’s how you find yourself now—on your back in your bed, sheets sprawled around you and Simon eating you like a man starved. His tongue flicks so deliciously against your clit that it makes your toes curl and your grip tighten in his hair.

“Simon,” you whine, hips bucking as he sucks hard on the sensitive nerves. His response is a grunt, his middle and ring finger gathering your juices and teasing your tight entrance.

Your breath stills when he pushes his two thick fingers inside of your pussy, back arching and hips drawing back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Simon mutters against your clit, tugging your hips down with his other hand and curling his fingers inside of your wanting cunt.

All you can do is whine as his fingers scissor and stretch your squelching pussy, juices dripping down to your ass. His tongue rubs circles around your clit like he’s painting a fucking picture, and you can’t help but moan out at the pleasure. His fingers hit that spongy spot that sends an electric jolt to your toes, and tears prick at the corners of your eyes from the pleasure.

“S-Simon, I can’t—I’m gonna—” You can’t even finish your sentence, your voice breaking off in a moan as he speeds up.

And then you’re coming, babbling nonsense and his name like a prayer as wave after wave of pleasure washes over you. You don’t even comprehend that you squirt all over his hand and mouth, or that he’s rutting his hips against the bed and moaning into your cunt as he tastes you.

Slowly, he withdraws his fingers, his hands running up to your waist. Your eyes flutter open—when did they shut?—and you look up at him staring down at you, his lips curled into a smirk.

“Such a nasty fucking girl,” he murmurs as he leans down, teeth grazing across your neck. “Squirting for me like that. Gonna do that on my cock, too, sweetheart?”

All you can do is moan in response, and Simon chuckles before pulling back and tugging down his boxers. Your eyes widen as you take in his fat cock—thick and veiny and leaking precum. He holds eye contact with you as he moves to hover over you, rubbing his tip along your soaked folds.

You squirm and whine, nails digging into his shoulders. “Don’t think it’s gonna fit.”

Simon grins, positioning his tip against your throbbing hole. “Gonna make it fit.”

Your lips part as he slowly slides his fat cock inside you, stretching you out in such a painfully delicious way that you almost forget to breathe. You can feel every vein in his cock, and Simon lets out a guttural groan when he sheathes himself fully inside you.

“Relax, doll. Squeezing me so fuckin’ tight and I haven’t even moved.” His voice is strained, and he lets out a breath as you try to relax.

His hand moves to your throat, squeezing slightly as he begins to move. Slow at first—painfully slow. You hold eye contact with him as he slowly ruts his hips against yours, his lips parted as breathy groans slip past. When you start to whimper and moan, he speeds up, his pace becoming almost animalistic in nature.

The tip of his fat cock hits a spot that makes you see stars, and you let out a soft cry as tears prick at the corners of your eyes. It feels so good, and you drag your nails down his chest because you don’t know what else to do.

“Fuck, you like that, don’t you?” He asks, grip tight on your throat. “You like my cock stretchin’ you out?”

You can’t even answer him, responding with whines and moans, tears sliding down your cheeks from the pleasure. Simon smirks, fucking you faster, and you cry out.

“Didn’t think I’d fuck you dumb, sweetheart. Can’t help it can you? Cock makin’ you stupid?”

You whine out, hiccuping out a moan as his other hand moves to your clit to rub in precise circles. Your eyes glaze over and you’re gone—submitting completely to him as he fucks you with his fat cock.

Your vision goes white as your orgasm hits you unexpectedly, stealing the breath from your lungs as your legs shake. Simon grunts and groans as you come on his cock, throbbing so tightly around him that you almost force him out. He simply fucks you harder, pressing against your cervix as your juices gush out of your cunt and you whine out, hips jolting.

Simon moves his fingers from your clit to your face, wiping your tears away and leaning down to kiss you. The kiss is hot and surprisingly sweet, and when he pulls back, he rests his forehead against yours.

“Good fuckin’ girl. My girl. Gonna fill this sweet pussy up so good, baby,” he whispers against your lips, his arm hooking through your leg to open you up wider. His hips slap against yours, his breathy moans hitting your skin softly.

“Please, Simon,” you breathe out, voice catching as he fucks into you. “Need it. Please.”

That’s all it takes for Simon to crumble, moaning out curses and your name as his cock throbs inside of you. He gives one, two, three more thrusts before he buries his fat cock inside you, tip against your cervix, and you can feel his hot seed pumping inside of you.

He thrusts lazily for a moment before sliding out of you, pulling you to his chest. Your lips meet in a sweet, lazy kiss, and you feel his cum dripping out of you. Simon’s fingers trace down your back, and he looks at you so delicately, he’s afraid you might break. His hand moves to cup your face, thumb brushing right underneath your eyes. Then he utters four words that make your heart stop.

“I’m getting a divorce.”

—————————————

see this one shot’s counterpart here