#and not necessarily with love

[reginrokkr]

Is your muse a romantic? Do they dream of love and marriage?

It depends on what stage of his life is. In order to answer, I'll split it into three phases: his life up to being sent to Khaenri'ah, his life in Khaenri'ah and the present.

In the first phase of his life, Dain was quite the romantic type. While he wasn't pursuing it at the time, he dreamed of one day finding someone to spend the rest of his life with and also have a family with. A pretty naïve way of seeing love, sometimes even he would think so, but he was a dreamer and his outlook of life was much brighter and positive.

Regardless of the fact that his memories from his life in Celestia are completely gone, his feelings truly aren't. He may not remember dreaming of finding his significant other and that wish would still remain in an underlying manner rooted in his soul, but the weight of responsibilities and the roles he had to uphold in Khaenri'ah threw that in a lower priority in life. Furthermore, as a pure-blooded Khaenri'ahn that he was considered due to his pupil shape and the subsequent rise to nobility within the kingdom's societal layers, the concepts of love and marriage stopped being so dream-like and, instead, they grew more sober and potentially darker. Love no longer was pure nor lacked second intentions as it didn't marriage. Now it was subjected to his position in the society, the weight of expectations put on him and the stress that these factors entailed. As a result, whatever romantic or even sexual approaches he had weren't successful and it made him be more closed-off to the idea. Not that he truly minded, as he felt more at ease in that work-like environment he was neck deep in— albeit not without the longing of one day being able to be part of a selfless and genuine relationship of love, as unlikely as it would be to him.

Marriage to the present Dain is an impossible feat. Not only because of the curse and what it entails, but because he's too weathered down and because he doesn't have much self-esteem to begin with in order to commit to an act of selfishness like that. Love, while more likely to take place, it's quite hard. There is the factor that he might outlive his partner for one. But there is also this big baggage he carries that is hard to unpack for a potential partner and for them to understand, even less likely for them to accept and to continue the relationship in a healthy manner. It is also important to count with what the curse does to him, the pain he feels, the fact that he might forget things due to the erosion (and due to the psychogenic amnesia I headcanon him to have, which focuses on autobiographical memories— a good example to reflect this is his inability to name one single place in the entirety of Teyvat he could consider a favorite despite having traveled the world so many times). Now, in the hypothetical case that he does engage into a romantic relationship and it's successful despite all the baggage he carries and everything his partner should be aware of, he is romantic at heart. He might not be too vocal nor too obvious about it, but it's the smallest details, the touches, the way he looks at his partner, everything that makes his partner feel special and loved.

That romantic soul from the beginning up to his early 20s? It never faded despite how weathered he now is, it was simply buried underneath layers and layers of negative experiences and trauma that are hard to coexist with, but he still manages to press on with them despite everything. That is his major forte.

Vanilla sunday → Accepting! || @risingsol ✦

[yeepof]

Local PHD student at wizard school HARRASSED!! FOR SHAME!!

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[christadeguchi]

i'll let phie-san say it:

[inkskinned]

in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

[where-that-old-train-goes]

not normal about orpheus and eurydice. you loved someone so much it opened the stones of the underworld. so much that death had to listen. so much that everything stopped for your love. so much that you turned around. so much that even when you did wrong. she forgave you.

[octo-blobs]

i love d'arce, i would do anything for d'arce, she is so cute and weird.

[theejael]

am i makin' you feel sick?

—

yeah, okay, the ghoul's kinda cool.

[chironeis]

the thing is that martin thinks it took "two years of crisis and trauma" just to make him and jon compatible and the reason jon doesn't know how to rebut that wildly incorrect fact is because he's barely aware that he had a stick so far up his ass in season one that it grew roots in his brain before he stubbornly and meticulously and with gritted teeth plucked them all out. jon could've plucked those roots out before all the trauma and crises if he simply chose to. and he would. in so many universes. because martin (and friendship and love and connection) is worth it. mic drop

[ruporas]

sleepy crew (ID in alt)

[arunneronthird]

had a thought today about damian “ swear i will protect u with my life” wayne

[dovecandy]

power couple

[sgt-tombstone]

I get why everyone loves to draw Ghost with narrowed eyes (be it from anger, exhaustion, etc) but there’s just something about Ghost with wide eyes that gets me every time…

[kedreeva]

At some point in your life, there will be a moment where exactly - or near exactly - half the people in the world are younger than you, and half the people are older.

And I think that moment should be the one your soulmate Mark appears at, not at birth or puberty or something. Both because at birth is kind of boring but it's also very you-centric and soulmates are about the thing outside of you being a part of you, and I think it would be nice to include The World.

But also I think it would have fascinating implications for scientific and social studies. Longevity trends tracked by the average age soul marks appear. Tragedies causing a rash of recent marks to disappear (because the people are no longer the middle). Marks appearing early during baby booms.

[louisdelac]

things that are gay according to logan roy: vehicular manslaughter, having happy (made up) childhood memories of your dad, telling your wife you love her

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.