#at first I thought I thought misery business was queer

[dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies]

these two songs are the same in my mind

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Mag 17

The return of Mike! And evidence that he was an asshole long before he made a living throwing people off of towers. Knowingly setting Leitners loose into the world crosses the line from negligence into maliciousness.

I'm so interested in the relationship between Jared and Sebastian. Growing up as friends, despite how different they are. Then Jared feels betrayed when Sebastian leaves for uni and grows to resent him. So when he returns, Jared starts terrorising him, including showing up at his place of work, but is very careful to never do anything in front of witnesses. And Sebastian is still weirdly fond of Jared, despite things like getting hit over the back of the head with books.

Yeah, I think they were exes.

Fun fact! On my very first listen this was my biggest scare of the series to date. Don't get me wrong, the recording from Lost Johns' Cave was creepy, but the sudden sound of the door opening ripped me out of the statement, and at this point I hadn't really been paying attention to the meta narrative so it was completely unexpected that anyone would interrupt Jon. Seems silly in hindsight, but it's very ironic that the first thing in the show to actually get my heart pounding with genuine fear was the arrival of Elias.

Haha, Archivist's in trouble!

As I said during Naomi's statement, this listen through has made realise that Elias is just using her compliant as an excuse to make Jon back off from annoying the Lukas family. I mean, I knew he didn't give a shit about Naomi, but I figured he was just doing this to be a dick and make Jon feel like he's being watched.

I still think he's doing both of those things, but the primary motivation is the fact that he got an annoyed phonecall from Peter and he's trying to hold off their next divorce another couple of weeks.

I'm confused by the line 'if Rose kept her equipment in better condition'. Obviously it's a reference to the fact that he's frustrated by needing to use the tape recorder, by why is that Rosie's fault? Wouldn't it be the recording software on the laptops in the Research and Archives departments that isn't working? What does Rosie have to do with that? Is she personally responsible for all the equipment in the Institute? I thought she was Elias's P.A.?

No idea what Jon means by that. But at least he's going to be more lovely! That should be good to see. XD

Another reason why Elias felt the need to come down here in person, because Jon hasn't flagged anything unusual about Martin being gone and maybe he was hoping that if he pointed Jon in the right direction it might lead to a Corruption mark. Unfortunately Jon is too busy enjoying Martin's absence from the Archives to want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Alternate caption: MARTIN!!! MARTIN MY BELOVED!!! WHERE ARE YOU???

Love that it's so completely out of character for Jared to read a book that Sebastian flags the entire interaction as weird.

Also a great detail that Jared was afriad even as he was captivated by the book. I will never get over the fact that an essential component of being an avatar is fearing your patron. It's so great that serving them grants power but not relief, not escape.

Poor Mrs Hopworth. She's really going through it. But this whole interaction makes me read her as the mother who disapproves of her son's boyfriend. The shifting of blame from Jared to the book to the man who 'gave him' the book, the way she silently throws the book to the ground and only interacts with Sebastian after he mentions Jared by name, her fury and disgust (she actually spits at him). To me it all reads as classic homophobic 'you've perverted my innocent son with your evil queerness' nonsense.

This might be a tenuous connection, but I've actually read Misery since the last time I listened to this episode, and I wonder if the reason it's included here is because all the fucked up stuff that happens to the protagonist's leg in that book is extremely evocative of boneturning.

[loveabledirtbag]

Sheridan 1.05

i feel like the show starting right off the back with sydney in bed tells us, the audience, “oh, this is gonna be different”.

the quick cuts! seeing meal inspo, flashbacks to syd’s failed business. done so well to show us how protrusive the thoughts are

i love the sort of storied, layered tension of syd’s bedroom. because it’s obvious it’s her childhood bedroom, but also…how much of it has she updated as an adult? some of it? none of it? it feels like a child’s room. i also remember the first time seeing syd’s bedspread and thinking, “OH, is syd queer!?!?!?” remains to be seen, but at this point it’s probably rainbow because it’s her childhood bed. not because she’s queer

SO MANY DRUGS IN HER BATHROOM CABINET

i love that the two posters we see really clearly are: speed (which came out in ‘94), and jumping jack flash (which came out in ‘86). who is sydney? when was she born? why are these two movies on her wall. it clearly means something, the creators chose these posters so it has to mean something…but what???

i remember hearing from someone that the train station where syd gets on is really close to where the Mr. Beef (the exterior used for The Beef, and inspiration for it) is located. couldn’t say if that’s true or not, but if it is that’s kinda disappointing. obviously tv and movies have to do what they can with time and shooting locations, so maybe they had to shoot there. but the shows tries so hard to submerge us all into a sense of reality in the show that knowing sydney is a two minute walk from work as she’s boarding a train is disappointing.

the quick little camera work of carmy’s hands up to his face. just to prove that jeremy allen white is actually cooking

“a play on ‘Tongue & Cheek’” “ox tongue?” “or braised beef, maybe short rib…risotto?”…but then how is it a play on tongue & cheek, and not just…a dinner menu/dish?

here’s the beginning of the risotto storyline. and all the misery it entails!

carmy tells marcus to use scissors to cut the tape….but the tape dispenser has a blade. why was marcus ripping it in the first place? why does carmy say to cut it with scissors? the BLADE IS RIGHT THERE

idk why, but the toilet exploding is SO relatable to working at a shitty restaurant. why do so many toilets explode? i’ve never experienced a toilet exploding anywhere else in my life

“what is up you fucking replicants” richie’s phillip k. dick references are strong

ebra telling carmy there are many components to the new dish he’s showing them is really fitting with ebra’s storyline in season two (but more on that later)

there’s something pleasing about carmy saying “monter” and then realizing that his classically trained chef lingo isn’t going to be understood so he says “whisk in”. because carmy is coming down to their level, but is also proving you don’t need a fancy french education or need to know fancy words to make good food. “whisk in” works just as well. the class dynamics in this show are so on point.

the calmness shown in the kitchen now that everyone is on board with the new system that carmy is so good. where we’ve seen chaos and overlapping anger, now we just see calm, peaceful, quiet cooking. the only holdout is richie

“yo, should we do a bakery?” god, i love chester. and i’m so serious; everyone needs a friend like chester, and every kitchen i’ve been in has a chester. just someone’s friend that pops in all the time for no reason and who everyone knows

the back and forth as chester asks if he should watch the bachelorette without marcus is so sweet. and again, it added to the “is marcus queer?” debate in my head. but also, having a bachelorette night with your bestie also sounds pretty dope, and two straight dudes can tear that up. i just want marcus to be happy.

tina went to mikey’s and mikey/carmy/nat’s moms for christmas. just further deepening that relationship of the family and tina. tina wasn’t phased by carmy’s mom going “full psycho”.

it’s so hard to see the undercurrents of carmy’s anxiety come out when talking about his mom (even more so since watching season two), especially with his emotional support spoon (which we all need)

“never fuck my vibe!” “i swear to god i will fuck anything that i want to fuck” “you are not being nice and you will not fuck me” as richie and fak got closer and closer to each other. once again……..kinda queer vibes? i mean, yes, richie is homophobic, but psychologists teach us that the biggest homophobes are projecting their own internalized homophobia. i swear, 20% of me thought they’d kiss. sure, they ended up fighting and “wrestling”. but isn’t wrestling also a way for “straight guys” to get oiled up and roll around with each other?……maybe i should write the bear through a queer lens after i write the bear through a class lens

matae: basically “uncle” from the movie bloodsport with van damme. because of course it is

carmy’s lack of surprise is truly so funny

ope, richie is selling coke!

if i know one thing about baking (and i know very little) is you don’t want to rush that shit like marcus is doing. especially when you are working in a space with some jank electrics and equipment

the shows one and only “covid” mention. which is perfectly placed and isn’t in bad taste or poorly done. plus, it’s also pretty fair with a lot of places on the edge during the worst of covid lockdown; you gotta make money somehow

the earned, relational aspect of richie being peoples cousin. pete calls him cousin and richie says “i’m not your cousin”. yet, we learn that beyond just the berzattos call him cousin later on. it’s kinda beautiful.

the fast turnaround of nat calling carmy a “soft shitty bitch” who only calls when he needs something from her to her melting and giving him a big hug when she learns he’s going to Al-Anon All Family three times a week is maybe the purest form of showing they are family i’ve ever seen on a screen in such a short amount of time

the transition of the early scene with syd telling carmy they should close when the dining room is flooded and carmy saying missing one service could kill them, to tina saying they can’t open because there’s no electricity, the walk-in is broken, and there’s no gas in the ovens, so syd improvises an outside grill is just fantastic use of character development and showcasing syd’s skills

marcus sitting in a spot where next season another memorable moment will happen with marcus and another line cook is kinda funny. probably not overtly planned by the writers or directors, but kinda fitting

marcus saying heard as carmy tells him that the job is insane and it can go from chill to unchill in a second and so that’s why he’s gotta stay up on his work. but we know (who’ve seen it) that marcus did not actually “hear” what carmy said.

carmy saying that he started a fire the night he won food & wine’s best new chef, and then says “you have a moment where you think ‘if i don’t do anything this place will burn down and all my anxiety with it’” is more indication of carmy’s twisted love of his own misery

“one last drug deal” to get them out of their money hole would have been a bigger storyline in lesser hands. but the nuanced, B storyline it has, allows it to just be a reality that happens in the background of a lot of shops around the US to stay afloat

the amount of chefs i know who at one point went into catering instead of staying in a kitchen is kinda wild. it seems like an alternative of a food truck. the “i don’t have enough money to open a brick and mortar spot, but i want to do my own thing” path. and the right caterer can be fire

god, syd waking up in the middle of the night with an idea for a dish so she writes it down because she has to is so….just so….true. i have so many notebooks filled with shit that has absolutely no value outside of a shop.

but it is the origin of the cola braised short ribs that will go alongside our risotto! the origins of the cursed dish is growing!

i love this episode so much! and i love how this later half of the season spreads itself around the members of the kitchen more than just carmy. he’s the anchor and the focal point, but there’s so much depth to explore the rest of the crew of the beef. i’m excited for next episode and the rest of the season!

Season One: Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Six | Episode Seven | Episode Eight

Season Two:

[porphyriosao3]

#20 Whispers

(Have a little angst!)

Bilbo had come to hate the nights.  Not the early evenings, never that, when Thorin finally would find his way from whatever royal business had held him to the smiles and kisses and kind glances of his gentle hobbit husband.  No, early evenings were lovely.  Even late evenings were lovely.  Sometimes they would read together, or visit with family.  Sometimes Thorin would sing, and oh that voice of his!  Even the walls seemed to vibrate, it was so deep and rich, like chocolate and whiskey and storms over the woods.  Sometimes they were alone, and those times seemed the best of all, either sitting together or doing... other things.  The hobbit blushed to think of such things, but they were sweet as the summer's first berries, even so.

No, what he hated was the deep nights, when Thorin was asleep beside him and the darkness of the mountain pressed in.  He would wake, or half-wake at least, and Thorin would be just a lump beneath the covers, not a person at all but just a shape.  The ceiling would be lower, so much lower, until it pressed on him like the lid of a tomb, and the whispers would begin.  They would mutter of his ring, of power, of how he could be a great king or warlord.  That was silly enough, whatever was whispering, because what a ridiculous notion!  No hobbit had been nor would be such a thing, Consort Under the Mountain or no!  Soon enough, though, the whispers would change.  They would murmur of pain, of loneliness so deep and cutting that even in a crowd he was shunned, of misery so deep and pure that it went through him like the blade of an icy sword... there was no cure, the voices said, there was no end, there was only sorrow and suffering and loss upon loss.  He had tried so many times during these moments to call out, to argue, but he was trapped.  His body wouldn't move, his eyes wouldn't even open, despite the queer sort of sight the whispers gave him.

He suspected his ring was to blame.  Really, there was no other answer.  He had tried to hide it, but found himself frantically digging it out of the place he had hidden it in the middle of the night, waking with a shock to find his hand already on it, an icy ring of gold beneath his fingers.  Sometimes it seemed to be a shackle instead of a ring, but the chain it carried was invisible, wrapped around his heart and spirit instead of his leg.  Thorin snuffled in his sleep and rolled over, clutching the hobbit and pressing his startling warmth against the hobbit's cold, cold body.  I hate this, he thought, clutching at his husband like a lifeline.  There has to be something I can do.  Nothing, the ring whispered.  You are nothing and no-one, nowhere, and soon you will be mine.

"Mine," Thorin said in his sleep.  Shockingly hot lips pressed against the back of the hobbit's neck and his heart gave a lurch, filling with warmth and love that drove the coldness away.  Yes, Bilbo thought sadly, yours, my love.  But for how much longer?  He feared to know the answer.

[kinghijinx22]

Skullgirls Webtoon Episodes 15 and 16... WAIT PEACOCKxMARIE REAL!?

Finally read episodes 15 and 16 of the Skullgirls webtoon. Been going through some stuff lately and honestly I was waiting for the right time and it never came. But with the release of Black Dahlia in the Skullgirls game which I've been really hyped and after playing her story mode, I figured there was no better time to return to the comic then now. And after checking it out, it turns out that despite it being 3 weeks I've only missed 2 episodes because they are on another break. Understandably of course, artists shouldn't be overworked.

So first of, love the music loving gay fish couple at the start. They had neat designs and were cute together. Then we get more Big Band which was awesome, going to help Peacock with the brawl at the Casino. Patricia and Ben's friendship has always been so endearing to me, and I loved seeing Patricia's reaction to Ben showing up. Black Dahlia clearly wasn't going all out, just taking shots at Peacock from a distance. The conversation she has with Vitale regarding Cerebella was really interesting though and could have so many implications. What was especially interesting was seeing Vitale stand up for Cerebella, even though he's clearly just using her it was kind of nice. And then we have Parasoul and Egrets coming in to clean things up, leading to her confronting Ben and also the next chapter.

So this episode was really good, not just because of the final panel but that is one of the reasons. Anyway Parasoul continues to take things into her own hands as she investigates Lab 8 and uncovers the experiments they've been conducting. So Avian has been operating the lab in secret even after being ordered to shut down by Franz. Their operations are a little morally weird, and Parasoul has a point and was really understandable in this situation. I mean Avian has pretty much turned a bunch of people, including kids into super weapons to fight the Skullgirl, but also he did not mutilate them and very much saved them with his operations by giving them parts that they needed. Also they also seem to friends and are thankful to Avian. Getting to see the Egrets and Lab 8 was really cool though, and now it looks like were going to Maplecrest to see Marie in the next episode. On the other side of the episode, Eliza finally shows up! Another one of my favourite Skullgirls characters so that was pretty hype. I love how confident and in control she always is, and how she can be really scary. Vitale gets to see the results of Ms Fortune taking the life gem from his father, and now he's clearly bringing out the big guns to get it back. What Dahlia said about Cerebella has clearly gotten to Vitale, and although I'm not the biggest fan of Cerebella because of how incredibly ignorant she is, I do feel kind of bad for her. Trying as hard as she does for the people who are most important to her only to feel like she's being discarded is rough.

AND YO THAT LAST PANEL!!! Is the Peacock and Marie ship real? Favourite Skullgirls ship honestly, always loved the idea of these 2 as a couple. Thought it would be really adorable and that it would fit the story well. With their interactions and how much they care about each other it was very easy to read their relationship as romantic, and it would be so nice to have some representation with main characters. As nice as it is having Molly and Roxie and that fish couple, those are side characters and background characters. This image is very explicitly meant to be romantic coded, so hopefully something comes of this we aren't just being baited. Queer bait is a disgusting business practice that I refuse to support, and if this is a situation of exploiting the image of queerness without actually writing anything sincere for queer people then I'm probably dropping this comic.

[birdylion]

2, 4, 17 and 24 for the aro asks

Thanks for the asks, anon!

2. When did you first realise you were aro-spec?

Quite late because I didn't have the words for it for a long time, and getting there was complicated. I don't recall it with certainty, but I think I first thought about maybe being ace because clearly there was something unusual about my attraction. At some point I'd heard the word and its definition enough and that it just made sense for my life experience of, for example, mostly just ending up in friends with benefits situations and never wanting anything else out of it. So, mid-twenties, I guess?

edit: I just re-read a bunch of older stuff. I realised when I was very close friends with benefits with someone, with a commitment you could call queerplatonic, but definitely without romance or romantic feelings on either side. Other people kept telling me that I was in fact in a relationship and just didn't know it, and I was SO annoyed by that. That's when I started using the aro label.

4. What moments make you think, “Well, I’m definitely aro”

Well there's all the times when I'm bewildered by other people's amatonormative assumptions, about wanting to find a partner, about needing a partner, about what it means to be in a relationship, about what romantic partners can and can't do (like voice disagreement with their partner about how much they like the color of a wall).

There's Valentine's Day, which is just such a non-issue for me that I'm entirely bewildered how there can be such an industry around it. I used to be annoyed by it, but that was before I figured out I was aro. I was so frustrated that apparently it was so important and I didn't get it, but it made no sense, and that made me angry. Now I can just shrug and say it's not something in which I want to take part.

There's bound to be more, that's just what comes to mind.

17. How do you feel about sex/love songs?

First, what moves me most about music is the actual musical part, the melody and harmonies and rhythm etc. I only listen to the lyrics half the time. So I often don't notice unless I pay attention, but then I'm bored when every other song is about that. Human experiences are more than just romance. I'm sure "I want you but I can't have you" feels like something you have to cry out loud, but ... there's so much diversity in the human experience, aren't you bored to sing about romance all the time?

Sex/love songs that come to mind that deeply move me:

I'm you man, by Leonard Cohen (devotion)

Ready to call it love, by Mika (uncertainty about (queer) feelings and commitment)

Nothing else matters, by Metallica (deep trust between lovers)

Arguably sex/love songs:

You're my best friend, by Queen (look Deacon wrote it about his wife)

Songs about other topics, just for the fun of it:

Cats in the Cradle, by Harry Chapin (familial love and the passing of time)

Streets of London, by Ralph McTell (social misery)

Riez, by Stromae (starving artists)

The Islander, by Nightwish (being forgotten by the world, I guess)

For Good, from the musical Wicked (two people having changed each other for the better)

Gracias a la vida, by Mercedes Sosa (being grateful for your life)

Fade to Black, by Metallica (depression, suicidal ideation)

Eleanor Rigby, by the Beatles (lonely people)

Wanderlust, by Nightwish (wanderlust)

Fils de joie, by Stromae (how society treats sex workers)

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free, by Nina Simone (being able to be yourself)

I am what I am, by Gloria Gaynor (being yourself)

Friends will be friends, by Queen (friends being there for you and vice versa)

24. Best part of being aro?

Best part of identifying as aro is that I can do away with all the little excuses I found before for not dating or looking for relationships: I'm too busy with school/uni, I'm going abroad soon and it wouldn't be fair to start something now, etc. And internally, I feel just so much more chill about the whole thing now that I can just shed society's expectations and say 'no thank you' while still acknowledging that it is a thing that's important for others.

Best part of being aro is ... it seems other people are very stressed about romance, and I'm just not? Sure, I'm sometimes frustrated and feel alienated that others seem to live in such a different internal world than I do, but from what I see, I wouldn't want to think that much about dating and partnering up and being with someone just for the sake of being with someone. The best part of being aro is definitely that I had an easier time dissecting amatonormativity; it was easier for me to get there and I think that changes my life for the better, all in all. Alloromantic people can do that too, but I guess it's not as intuitive.

[meatballerino]

ok here's my headcannons for the disco elysium swap!AU post game life that i may or may not be playing out on the sims atm

we all agree that kim is so disillusioned that he quits the RCM in some badass yet dignified way and goes into his full rebellious phase: tats, piercings, sluttier outfits, machoism and vulgarity, also a bit more loudly gay, very "queers bash back" vibes

harry is also disillusioned by everything and quits the RCM to prioritize recovery, and something about this level of commitment shows kim and jean that this is it, this is gonna be the attempt that sticks

jean can now finally build his own legacy with the RCM without being trapped in harry's shadow, and he likes the feeling of empowerment, but he also sees seedier underbellies of corruption within the RCM that even he can't stomach, or maybe he just can't tolerate ugliness like that these days. he thinks about eventually quitting too, maybe in a few years, but they need the money right now because:

Cunoesse Redemption Arc: they're literally driving back after illegally adopting cuno, and the kid gets cold feet about leaving cunoesse behind so he screams until they pull over on the side of the highway. turns out cunoesse is hiding out in a squat, they send cuno in to go talk to her. she actually swallows her pride and accepts her one ticket out of poverty and the guys respect that, so everyone starts off on a blank slate

jean is like, well, let's be realistic, we can all live in my apartment while C + C + harry go through the initial stages of withdrawals and we'll support each other for a tough few weeks. harry and kim will give up their leases and they'll pool their money together and figure out how to buy a crappy little house while the kids catch up on school

no one even has their shoes off yet when punk!kim stops them all and says, look, there's going to be homosexual activity in this house and if the kids even think of making a homophobic joke they'll be kicked to the curb, and everyone just mind their got damn business about it (i.e don't let it leave the house). the kids are lowkey scared of angry kim so they just nod

and thus kim and harry are at liberty to figure out their feelings for each other, and the fusion of their love lowkey saves harry's life and helps him get better

jean has a spare room that's more of a closet, and it just stores some boxes and a sad little weight lifting set that's covered in dust. he sells it for quick cash, then he and kim build a set of bunk beds while harry and the kids are taking turns vomiting their guts out in the bathroom

jean and kim make a surprisingly good team - they find creative solutions to the lack of space. they take turns playing nurse during the cold-turkey-ultra-detox

jean and kim come to a shared, silent, conclusion that, for the first time, they are not Doing All Of This because they need the control or want to retain professionalism, in fact it doesn't feel like labour at all because it's genuinely coming from a place of love

the guys sleep on cots in jean's bedroom until they're like ooohhh noooo what a waste of space why don't we all just share one big bed oohhhhhh

over the next few weeks jean digs through the storage room at the precint and finds a small desk for the kid's room to promote maybe doing their homework for once. he lets them decorate the walls however they want, and everyone agrees that it's a sacred no-adults zone

cuno and cunoesse still have some mysterious beef between them, and in their misery of coming off the drugs, they're constantly fighting with each other (in a cryptic way that still provides 0 context for the adults to eavesdrop on)

harry is quiet lately, contemplative; he has to come to terms with things he's been avoiding his whole life. his body is a fucking wreck, and isn't used to sitting still for so long, and everything catches up with him all at once. he doesn't tell anyone for awhile but his memory is more fucked than he thought, and he finds time slipping away from him. he's sick in bed most of the time so he re-reads all the books he owns, and also randomly takes up knitting so his hands can stay busy and his mind can wander. everyone knows it's been a rough night if harry emerges from the shadows, crusty and stinking, and drops a dozen pairs of knit socks on the table

since kim knows the game from a cop's perspective, he gets his kicks doing stupid petty crimes, and also earns the household some cash on the side to keep them going. it helps him get through the intensity of his life and he lives out all his bad boy fantasies

the kids get better enough that they can go back to school, i imagine they transferred and are appreciating a) getting out of the house b) something to do c) cuno actually likes meeting new people and he's a novelty being the new student. cunoesse has a harder time adjusting and gets crazy jealous

with jean at work and the kids at school during the day, kim and harry FUCK

one day the angst sex is so good that harry stands up after, wipes himself off, and is like "yeah, okay, i'll go to rehab"

okay it's more of a support group personalized therapy package deal thing in the next city over, but harry really benefits from healing around other people who are going through something similar. his progress is immediate, he is a new person overnight. he is going forward, not trying to chase someone he once was. he lets himself slow down a little bit, lets himself be eccentric, lets himself age gracefully.

jean can't avoid telling pryce about the new situation ("you mean to tell me....three adult male colleagues? and two random teenagers they met during an investigation? do you know how bad that looks?" "i know, i know, but it's more of an at-home rehab-orphanage scenario") but pryce is actually strangely very kind about it (yes jean is more self assured now but also he dangles some blame in front of his eyes - pryce pushed harry too far and fucked over not just harry but jean and kim's personal lives).

pryce runs into harry soon after and almost doesn't recognize him. he's so clearly improving that pryce calls jean into his office first thing the next morning. if harry completes the whole rehab program and doesn't drastically relapse, he'll massage the budget so that jean can get a fat bonus, enough to cover the shittiest, cheapest house on the market, a way of saying thank you and i'm sorry to all three of them

cuno is smart, obviously, and snuck the last of his dad's drugs with him before he left. he finds it too difficult to get off speed and secretly indulges when kim leaves in the evening, but at least now cuno can do his homework and shower every night. he also shares with cunoesse and they learn how to trust each other again

kim has to do more parenting than he bargained for until harry gets well enough to take over. he'll be stern when boundaries need to be placed but otherwise he doesn't waste his time nagging or scolding, just the eyebrow is enough. he makes the kids help around the house while also learning how to do the basics: how to cook, how to clean, how to do laundry, how to change a tire, first aid, etc

c + c blossom with a safe home environment and some structure in their lives. at first they'd sleep for thirteen hours at a time, unfamiliar with the feeling of safety and utter relaxation. they shower too often and use up all the hot water, obsessed with this new luxury. they eat like wolves, used to the panic of not knowing where their next meal would come from.

[kandi-pendragon]

I was planning on making a YouTube video for this but I’ve got my hands full and I’m too lazy so here we go:

I’ve seen a lot of fellow Merlinites begging for a season 6 of Merlin, probably hoping for it to follow the script that three young women came up with (look them up on YouTube under the name 3RingsLeft. I love them and their songs own my whole heart) in the absence of closure from the Merlin finale. Now personally, I don’t want that to progress further than a script, but that’s only because I’m a sad pathetic excuse for a human who’s only purpose in life is to roll around in her misery and enjoy not getting any closure whatsoever from a show. And I doubt that I’m the only Merlinite out there who feels this way. That open ending is precisely what hooks you at the very end, it’s exactly what makes you so obsessed. The acting, the plot, and the characters keep you watching, but the finale keeps you thinking about it long after you moved onto other shows. And I’m too much of a coward to put that feeling of obsession on the line by rooting for closure, because my obsession is about the only thing I have going for me right now :)

Anyway, back to my point. I have been thinking about this for several months, and I wanted to get it out there. I know it might never happen but like I said. I’m pathetic. I cling to hope until the devil comes along so I can sell my soul to make my dreams come true. What have I been thinking about, you ask? Simple: BBC Knights.  

Here’s a little information I wrote down ahead of time to organize my thoughts on the matter:

What is it?

Exactly what it sounds like. The idea of BBC Knights would be a spin-off of BBC Merlin, featuring the Knights of the Round Table, set in the time jump between season 3 and season 4. During this time, Lancelot is still alive, as is Uther. Arthur is newly appointed regent, and Morgana has quieted down for the time being. We get to explore so many things that we never got to before. Nothing would interfere with the finale of season five, of course. This would only be a filler, to give more content for the fandom, as well as more information, to better understand some of the characters.

Because you can’t have the Knights of the Round Table without also having Arthur and Merlin, the two of them would still be included in the show. However, they would no longer be the main focus. This would excuse some things too, for instance, not having to use Kilgarrah anymore. If the show is not focused on Merlin, we don’t have to find our way around not including Kilgarrah, because his voice actor, John Hurt, is no longer alive. (Rest In Peace, Mr. Hurt)

Focusing on the knights and this time frame would let us see more of Lancelot being a knight of Camelot, too — something he had been working towards his whole life — while BBC Merlin only granted us 2 episodes of that before killing him off. He had an entire year of being what he had strived to become since he was a child, and we never got to see it.

It would also give us the chance to better understand some characters’ backstories, something that the actor Eoin Macken said he wanted to do in the original show, had the last two seasons not been solely focused on the plot, and achieving the finale. Gwaine once mentions that he has a sister: “Well my sister is an evil old toad, so I’d be eternally grateful.” But we never even learn her name, much less what she did to make Gwaine hate her. We know that Lancelot met Percival before the others did, but we know none of the details. We know Elyan traveled around on his own for years, but we don’t know what he did, where he went, or who he met. We know Leon has been a knight for some time, but we don’t know anything about his childhood with Arthur, nor his friendship with Gwen and Elyan. There is so much potential for backstories, not to mention character development.

Of course, this all might be hard to achieve, since it’s been 8 years since Merlin ended, and the cast has aged (though not noticeably. I swear they’re immortal.) There have been hairstyle changes, beards grown, muscle mass gained. However, it’s shouldn’t be too hard to pass off. Maybe Arthur wears a crown or circlet to cover up the fact that he doesn’t have bangs anymore, Maybe Gwaine’s hair grows like a weed, Maybe Lancelot hasn’t shaved in a while, that sort of thing. Plus, it’s the fans. Merlin’s skin could be blue and we would just be grateful to have new content to analyze and cry over.

Things to include??? This is not obligatory, however, just some of my ideas. Obviously BBC Merlin changes some of the legends that they use. The Cup of Life instead of the Holy Grail, Leon instead of Galahad, the Afanc not collaborating with how it’s described in Welsh folklore, not to mention they used characters from Arthurian legend and made them their own, like Gwaine. (Gawain) Obviously if we included more adventures that the legends speak about, we would have to change the version of those legends, to better suit the characters as the show made them. However, the legends are still worth looking into, because I believe they would make for interesting episodes if done right, and they might also provide inspiration.

* Gwaine & The Green Knight * New Characters (Yvain, Drudwas, Sir Kay, Sir Bors etc.) * Yvain & His Lion * Drudwas ap Tryffin and his Adar Llwch Gwin (his griffins) * Agravaine coming to Camelot (and everyone’s first impression of him) * Explanation of Morgause’s Injury (why did it look like half her face had been paralyzed/burned off when all Merlin did was throw her into a wall?? Idk maybe I’m just stupid) * Agravaine Meeting Morgana and Morgause * Sir Kay and the Cath Palug (Palug’s Cat) * More insight to the Knights views on Magic * More detailed and fleshed out backstories for the knights (Gwaine’s sister, How Percival met Lancelot, More depth on why Elyan left Camelot, embarrassing baby Arthur stories from Leon, etc.) * Character development * New Opening Titles (main actors will change, and it wouldn’t make sense to use scenes from the original show. Also it would make more sense to keep Kilgarrah out, since he most likely won’t have a presence in the spin-off. Music could stay the same, but the scenes and names in the opening titles would probably change, as well as the whole “The destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name… Merlin” would be replaced, since the focus is no longer on the young Warlock.) * Meliodas the Demon King ._. * More POC representation, more POC in the cast. * Maybe queer rep? Casual, passing mentions of a mlm fling in the knighthood (doesn’t have to be someone we know) a character going by they/them pronouns without explanation and without making it a big thing, etc. Small, but noticeable things. It’s 2021 we deserve the bare minimum. * Tavern scenes! We know they spend a lot of time in there, but only get to see a few moments and hear about a couple more. * Maybe a first mission with all the main knights. Them working as a small team for the first time. Bonding around the campfire. This would give an excuse to create some insight into the characters while also sticking to the plot * Arthur struggling with the responsibilities of being regent (brief scenes or mentions, him leaning on his knights for support, them having to go on adventures without him) * More Gwen and Elyan!!! Being siblings!!! Please!!! * Introductions of characters we’ve already met: King Bayard, Elena, Vivian (seriously wtf happened to her?? Is she still in love with Arthur??) * Training scenes!!! When Arthur’s busy!!! Give me Leon teaching Elyan some sword moves and laughing about something from when they were kids! Give me Percy and Gwaine sparing only a few feet away! Give me Merlin helping Lance with his armor and Gwen watching her brother from across the field! Give me insight into each characters fighting style, skills, and weapon of choice! D e t a i l s!!! * More mythical welsh creatures, like the welsh cousin of the Kelpie who’s name I can’t remember but translates to water horse. So much opportunities for cool magical creature encounters! * And more!!!!

Now that we have a director in our cast, (who was rooting for this kind of characterization chance btw) I think maybe, if we’re lucky enough, we might have a chance. Idk, maybe I’m too late, but Eoin already said that he was working on a Pseudo Merlin project (whatever the hell that means) and I just. I love entertaining this idea. Who knows, maybe the spn fandom can help us summon a daemon and we can all collectively sell what little fragments of our soul we have left.

Those who still want a season 6, I get it! And I don’t blame you! And guess what— this would not interfere with that at all. Maybe we can both get what we want :)

But right now I’ve accidentally hyped myself up and made a petition so uh. Feel free to sign? If I get enough people on board I might do something about it and message Eoin, as soon as I know he’s done with his Merlin project and it would all work out 👉👈

If you have anything to add onto this post, go ahead! What would you want out of a spin-off?

[ko-fanatic]

Blood, Guts and Chocolate Cake (Part 2)

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Danganronpa

Pairings: IshiMondo

Summary:

It seemed after the night before, Ishimaru was back to routine. The issue? Mondo wasn't previously aware of said routine.

TW: Alcohol, and eating disorders (both restrictive behaviours and B/P), mentions of disability, underage sex/sexualisation, drugs

Other parts: Part one

A/N: So, I reference a small headcanon of mine that Mondo has asthma. So fed up of it being seen as a "nerd" condition, so... The boi now has it. Not severe, but still.

Mondo made the executive decision to stay sleeping on the couch that night. Not that he was that bad off - the suite was VIP, after all, and the couch was comfy. he was a just bit miffed that, firstly, he had to do that in the first place because Mr Pretty Boy wanted to go clubbing, and secondly, there was a plush, California king sized bed in his room which was being tragically wasted. He hadn’t exactly had many chances to experience that sort of luxury, and he’d slept like the dead the past few nights. 

Maybe that was a problem. Had he just not realised? Some “Ultimate Bodyguard”, if that was the case. Shit… Little asshole, making him question things and get all shaky and crap. It might’ve had very little to do with Ishimaru, in full honesty, but he was too tired to think it through clearly. 

At least he did manage to get some sleep, despite being slightly cramped. He was over six feet tall, after all; not exactly made for sleeping on the couch. He’d even managed a rare, pleasant dream; dogs and cotton candy, Daiya’s obnoxious laugh and hanging with their friends in one of the many abandoned buildings they used as hangouts. They were such edgy little shits, but it wasn’t like anyone cared about the disused factories and crap. 

He’d been reliving the time Takemichi got his tongue piercing stuck in his jumper (somehow, Mondo still didn’t know how the hell someone did that), when he awoke. It wasn’t some crash or anything, just the usual sounds of someone pottering around, getting ready for the day. 

He groaned as he sat up, head pounding. He still felt exhausted, and he’d definitely drooled in his sleep. He turned to the window, and realised… It was still dark. Fucking really? After Mondo told him he wasn’t going out?

“Hold it right there,” He began, hoisting himself to his feet, doing his best not to fall straight over again, “I thought I said -”

Oh. He wasn’t wearing the tight jeans and such he was the night before. 

Ishimaru raised an immaculate eyebrow at him from where he was tying his trainers. “Relax, I’m going for a run,” He huffed, “I might as well get on with my regular routine, since someone -”

“I’m gonna cut you off right there, kid,” He grumbled, stretching out his back and arms, “What time is it? Sun’s not even out yet…”

“Owada-san, it’s winter,” The kid sighed, a deadpan look on his face, “It’s about 5:15AM.”

It was a damn good job he wasn’t drinking anything - he would have choked on it. Who the fuck even wakes up at five in the fucking morning, let alone after being awake at midnight? Not to mention the clothes. Mondo was praying, if the kid really was going to work out in some way, it’d be in a gym. Heating, shelter from the elements, a bench he could probably catch some z’s on because it’s not like anywhere’s going to be busy at five in the morning -

“Now, if you excuse me, I’m late for my run,” Ishimaru waved off, going to open the door before Mondo reached above him, slamming it closed once more. For a guy who worked out pretty constantly, it was pretty effortless to overpower his grip. Eh, guess that what comes from having lithe muscle for aesthetics, rather than the bulky stuff for actual strength. Not to mention the lack of warning  -

No, that shit could wait until later. Fucking focus, Mondo!

“You said routine… Have ya really been sneaking out every day?!” He demanded. He could’ve been a little softer about it, sure, but you have to understand; this wasn’t a good start to the job, especially if shit got out. Was he being overly paranoid? Yes. Did he not have a reason to be? He abso-fucking-lutely did! 

“It’s not sneaking anywhere,” The idol groaned, sounding very much like the stereotypical teenager in that moment, “I’m an idol. As such, I have an intensive exercise routine to stay trim, not to mention fit enough to perform my high-energy choreography. I just don’t see the need to wake you and have an irritable tough guy around me, when I can easily complete my run without dragging you the whole five miles.”

Five fucking miles?!

Oh, today was going to suck. Today was going to kick his ass and run him over with a truck. All because an idol needed to “stay trim”. Fuck, if the kid was any trimmer, he doubted he’d have any skin left. 

“Were the idols you guarded before babysat so extensively?” He kid questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“In all fairness, you’re the youngest client I’ve had,” He grumbled, scrubbing his hand over his tired eyes, “But kid, you’ve got to tell me when you run off. Don’t care what for. You being famous, and pretty, and so skinny… I wasn’t kidding about my worry last night. Celebrities get murdered… Or worse.”

“You think… I’m…” The kid shook his head, cheeks red, gaze staring holes into his trainers, “I understand. I don’t like it - it’s suffocating! But… I see the logic.”

Mondo smiled, turning back to his room. He had to find some clothes that passed as exercise gear… 

---

Mondo knew someone had it out for him. 

He was wheezing as he jogged, trying to keep pace with Mr Trim in front of him, but lagging behind somewhat pitifully. He had his inhaler in his bag - he wasn’t that much of a dumbass - but holy fuck if this wasn’t torture. He didn’t do track in middle school. He was more than content to work on his strength and brawling skill. 

Speaking about things he was more than willing to do; laying down in the road, waiting for the next car to come along and end his misery, was getting far too attractive. 

Conversely, Ishimaru was just about breaking a sweat, panting. His insides weren’t threatening to become his outsides like Mondo’s were. Kid either had a stomach of steel, or he was just a lot more used to this shit than Mondo was - namely, the extensive train travel and exercise. 

Actually, considering the whole “Ultimate Idol” thing, it was most likely the latter. 

That was when his legs noped out of the situation, sending him stumbling and falling. He didn’t cry out, per se, so much as let out a manly grunt of surprise. 

Who was he fucking kidding? Ishimaru heard him through his headphones and blaring music. 

“Owada -san!” He called, rushing to his side in an instant, “Are you hurt?! Can you speak?! What’s wrong?!”

Ugh, so loud. 

“What’s wrong,” He grunted, “Is that someone is punishing me!” 

Maybe a tad dramatic, but holy hell! Fuck five miles, it felt like he’d run a marathon. 

“I don’t know if I royally pissed off someone up there -!”

He pointed an accusatory finger at the idol.

“Or someone down here! Like, sorry kid, but I give! Just doing my fucking job!”

Mondo watched the idol’s carefully cute and prim expression crack apart, his dignified (if far too loud) concern quickly falling into laughter and snorts. He had half a mind to be rather offended, but the carefully crafted exterior melting into those cute as hell snorts and chortling… That wasn’t even mentioning the look on the idol’s face. Pure fucking sunshine. 

Could he not be a queer disaster for five fucking minutes?!

“You’re rather funny, Owada-san,” Ishimaru chuckled. 

“Mondo.”

“Huh?” The idol barely breathed - lord above, give him strength - staring at him wide-eyed. Of course, that tends to be what happened when he let his tongue go before his brain.

“Ya can call me Mondo, none of that ‘Owada-san’ crap,” He grumbled, and he will eternally blame the heat in his cheeks on the marathon he was sure the other dragged him through.

“Oh! Well, in that case… You can call me Taka!” The kid - Taka, Goddamnit that’s cute - grinned. He was going to have to invest in those cheesy, stereotypical sunglasses if the kid was just going to unleash that megawatt smile on him without a shred of warning. Then, the kick to the crotch he really needed in that moment - 

“Now, as you’ve caught your breath, we should keep going! Obviously such a long break isn’t ideal for cardio, but we can still -”

He just flopped down once more, groaning like a man dying.

“I said sorry, didn’t I?! Ya don’t need to keep punishing me! I fucking give!” 

“Mondo,” Kiyotaka sighed, standing once more and looking at his FitBit, “Do you want to know how many miles of my morning run we’ve completed?” 

“I don’t know, ten, you animal!”

He was sent a rather disapproving, levelling look. “Two,” Taka deadpanned, “We’ve got three miles to go.”

That truck Mondo mentioned? The one the day was going to run him over with?

Yeah, it reversed for another hit.

[ghostcat3000]

SKAM season 3 talkback series: episode 10, “Minutt for minutt”

The SKAM season 3 rewatch talkback series was done in conjunction with a first-time watch for a small group of newbies. I talked to a cross-section of fans about each episode so our newbies could get a varied taste of what the SKAM fandom was about.

Talk back with first wave fanwork enabler, @skamskada​​ (aka imminentinertia on AO3)

SKAM 3.10: Minutt for minutt conducted on 22, December 2019

@skamskada​: Hello!

@ghostcat3000​: Hello, hello! Welcome to the chat for Minutt for minutt, the final episode of SKAM Season 3! Thank you, skamskada for joining us!

skamskada: My pleasure :smile:

Ghostcat: Just got back from last minute Christmas errands. I am still not ready. I will never be ready.

skamskada: Well, in that case...

Ghostcat: I mean for Christmas, not for this sit-down. Can you give us some background on how you started watching SKAM?

skamskada: As so many great things, it started with a nasty cold. And I needed something to watch while I wallowed in my snot and misery

Ghostcat: No Murder Channel on Norwegian cable?

skamskada: Don't really use linear TV… However, everybody was talking about Skam so I gave the first season a go. HOOKED.

Ghostcat: Was this after it had aired or while it was airing?

skamskada: From the first episode. It was just at the start of S3.

Ghostcat: What was it about that first episode that nabbed you?

skamskada: Binged all of S1 and S2 in a day and a half. Basically I'm Eva. I loved the acting, which is remarkably non-stilted, and I loved Eva.

Ghostcat: Yes, beautifully natural. Unusual for a teen show.

skamskada: And then I watched S3 live.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, welcome to the terrordome.

skamskada: We all LIVED AND BREATHED s3 and s4. But I'm sure the other Norwegians have talked about that. Oh hell. Cat incoming. Brb. Had to clear her off the laptop.

Ghostcat: Sure thing. They love warmth.

skamskada: I loved S1, wasn't so keen on the Noorhelm arc but liked Noora.

Ghostcat: Understandable. though I'm always surprised to hear that it was popular.

skamskada: SUPER popular.

Ghostcat: All that “William must answer!” business.

skamskada: I couldn't see the appeal but apparently dysfunctional relationships are the shit.

Ghostcat: Lol. So going into season three, were you excited to see Isak's season or just mildly curious?

skamskada: Excited! It was obvs a coming out story, or so we thought after seeing that gorgeous trailer.

Ghostcat: Right, fantastic trailer.

skamskada: And I'm queer. All queer kids on TV are my brothers and sisters.

Ghostcat: Yes, definitely something many of us can identify with.

skamskada: At this point I'm sure you all know that it was less of a coming out tale and more of a story of acceptance and understanding others and oneself.

Ghostcat: Did you go in with preconceived notions about how the story would be told?

skamskada: I trusted Julie to not do the obvious shit, since she's broken up Eva and Jonas, but I was a bit scared since she did Noorhelm. But at that point I don't think anybody took anything for granted. She kept throwing curveballs.

Ghostcat: One relationship has a great deal of subtlety and depth, the other I never quite believed.

skamskada: And that goes for E10 as well―watching live, we were scared shitless when the first clip of that episode aired, since she was unpredictable. Even though we'd had O Helga Natt.

Ghostcat: That first clip is unusually hushed and tender but interestingly, not mawkish. It's unsentimental, brisk but full of feeling. That is so difficult to pull off.

skamskada: It's so comforting, and so beautifully teenage-y still.

Ghostcat: And yet, there it is.

skamskada: Amazing acting and amazing instruction. Which was precisely Julie's goal, bless her.

Ghostcat: I'm constantly amazed watching this show how it manages to dole out messages, have teaching moments WITHOUT being condescending. All these messages feel earned. Lived-in and true.

skamskada: Isak has learned so much! And he applies it!

Ghostcat: Always. He's learning and applying. But also gaining strength. My favorite moment in that scene is how he shuts Even down with that decisive, hoarse little Nei.

skamskada: Enough is enough. He's obvs scared of losing Even (again) and he's not having it.

Ghostcat: Just one eye clearly visible and with a trembly voice.

skamskada: I have to give endless kudos to the cinematographer.

Ghostcat: Clear something up for me if you know it...is it the same D.P. (director of photography, @newyearsirresolution​) as season one?

skamskada: Can't remember tbh. I'd have to check.

Ghostcat: I'd heard that there was a different one for season two but that it was the same one as season one… The cinematography and direction for season three was so specific. Precisely because of the Luhrmann nods and the various movie call-outs. It has a very tight visual look, deliberate but not labored.

skamskada: The great resemblance between the two seasons is that it's very sparse, tight as you say. Noora's season is wider, visually richer. And that reflects the characters.

Ghostcat: I love the switch too, from the the velvety darkness of that first clip to the brightness of Isak by his locker, with that big, fluffy hair. Everything about the clip is a big, clear inhalation/exhalation.

skamskada: He floofs up when he's happy.

Ghostcat: He's relaxed.

skamskada: So he puts on his big boy pants and even apologises to Emma.

Ghostcat: The way he laughs with Vilde, but then deals with her without being a dick and then closes the loop with Emma.

skamskada: He tidies up the messes he's left when he had a really shit time. Let's not forget that he lived in a basement for a while, even. I really dislike the grumpy Isak fanon since he DID have a shit time and anybody would be a little testy if their life was that down the drain.

Ghostcat: The episode has got a similar vibe to the end of A Christmas Carol only way more chill. Isak is no Scrooge but there he is, doing his best, spreading the love. A valuable member of Kosegruppa at last.

skamskada: He is, albeit a little reluctantly when it comes to running Vilde's errands. But he DOES. He goes and gets the damn tree.

Ghostcat: With Even.

skamskada: Very likely with Even. After Even has made the Great Reveal―looking like a sparkly Disney princess as he does.

Ghostcat: Gets a smoochy photo on insta, isn't that from that day and running that errand? Maybe I'm getting the social media mixed up…

skamskada: The #No filter photo is from that day.

Ghostcat:  

#nofilter

The social media this season is superb. All of it looks so natural, not stagey

skamskada: Beautifully done.

Ghostcat: Were you surprised by the Great Reveal, as you call it, or had you suspected as much watching live?

skamskada: Watching live, the masses were divided on Even being interested at all or just playing Isak, but I took one look at Even at the Kosegruppa meeting and went "oh, he's thirsty af." So I was pretty sure he'd at the very least noticed Isak when their eyes met in the cafeteria.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha.

skamskada: It wasn't a huge surprise that he'd crushed on Isak for two months at that time.

Ghostcat: Yes, Even is AMPED at the Kosegruppa meeting. When is the first day of school roughly? Late August?

skamskada: He's scanning the crowd and he stops when he sees Isak! Mid-August.

Ghostcat: MID-August. As Isak says, Wow.

skamskada: Summer is pretty much over in Norway by then so.

Ghostcat: Plenty time to really build someone up in your head.

skamskada: Definitely.

Ghostcat: HOW ON EARTH DID ISAK NOT NOTICE HIM? A mystery for the ages.

skamskada: Even must have been so elated when Isak finally did!

Ghostcat: Yes, that first look in the cafeteria.

skamskada: And that's where Even decides to give it a go, I think.

Ghostcat: NOW'S MY CHANCE TO SHINE.

skamskada: ASSUME THE PAPER TOWEL USAGE POSITION.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha.

skamskada: But Isak's face when Even tells him, omg omg omg. That little "oh."

Ghostcat: It is the cutest thing. You can feel it! That warmth is our warmth.

skamskada: It's HUGE for Isak so he just ohs and smiles but that smile comes from all of his body.

Ghostcat: It's funny that Isak thinks all of that was just him at the start.

skamskada: If I hadn't already fallen in love with them being in love that scene would have cinched it.

Ghostcat: They sell love really well this season.

skamskada: Right down to the pragmatism in the last clip.

Ghostcat: Just the window scene alone felt so real. Like actually falling hard for someone.

skamskada: SO HARD.

Ghostcat: (Refrains from making joke)

skamskada: Shush.

Ghostcat: The fandom was very divided on Sonja too, I'm sure.

skamskada: Er. The hatred was unmixed, I'm afraid.

Ghostcat: Did everyone loathe her?

skamskada: Definitely. But come on. Even cheats.

Ghostcat: Did that first clip restore her reputation a little?

skamskada: Not a nice thing. It did, yes.

Ghostcat: There's an interesting dynamic there for sure.

skamskada: They seem afraid to let each other go while at the same time they're evidently tired of each other.

Ghostcat: It's all they've known since they were 14, which...makes sense.

skamskada: Possibly all through Even's diagnosis.

Ghostcat: Young people sometimes think I'll never have this again

skamskada: And no doubt it was good once.

Ghostcat: Yes, though it is interesting that Even stresses that his feelings for Isak are different. It's not that Isak is a way out, but that it is much more than that―he is something real. Which is one of the themes of the season. What is real and what is not. What we believe and what is true.

skamskada: I suspect Even has forgotten what falling in love with Sonja was like, so falling in love again must be intense.

Ghostcat: Sure, but then again, falling in love at 14 is not falling in love at 18 or 19.

skamskada: It's not.

Ghostcat: You have a better sense of yourself. It's more than a pretty face, a kind voice, shared likes.

skamskada: And Even may have been pretty shook when he could fall for someone, hard (no jokes!), even though Sonja is a permanent fixture in his life. It must have made him question a lot of things.

Ghostcat: (HARD)

skamskada: Shush.

Ghostcat: Definitely. Though I wonder how much of a part of his life Sonja continues to be after this. That's also a big life lesson.

skamskada: Could go either way, good friends or ripping out those pages of one's book.

Ghostcat: The end of that first relationship that used to mean so much but when it is, there's this vast relief you never expected.

skamskada: Sonja is SO GENEROUS in the first clip of E10 though.

Ghostcat: Definitely. I'm thinking of her relief mostly.

skamskada: She seems like a very good person at heart, so I hope they stay friends. But now we're into fic territory.

Ghostcat: I don't think I've seen too much exploration of that in fic? Which brings me around to a detour… When and how did you get involved in fan work for this show?

skamskada: Oh God. Cracks knuckles. I've lurked in fandoms for over a decade and was quite active in one back in the day, so I kept an eye on AO3 for Skam fics―the first one is from October 2016 and it's Isak/Eskild, btw.

Ghostcat: Really?

skamskada: And then @towonderland72​ started posting a chaptered fic, and she asked for help with some Oslo stuff in her AN, so I commented. It's all her fault.

Ghostcat: Isak... x Eskild??

skamskada: Indeed, Isak/Eskild. This was before we knew Evak was endgame.

Ghostcat: Huh.

skamskada: The next one was Evak though.

Ghostcat: You volunteered to be a point person for Norwegian facts. That's BIG.

skamskada: Um. The Americanisms were killing me.

Ghostcat: Like what?

skamskada: Hahaha. Blankets in bed, not duvets. Bottled water at home. Trojan condoms.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha

skamskada: etc etc etc etc. So with towonderland72 as an enabler, I wrote the guide and posted it, and answered a fuckton of pms.

Ghostcat: I've been thinking about how English language writers in non-English language fandoms struggle with specificity with language.

skamskada: Oh yes.

Ghostcat: It's difficult to do.

skamskada: I was actually a Brit-picker in the HP fandom, so I figured I can Norway-pick.

Ghostcat: This is the first fandom where I've seen fics in the show's actual language and have desperately wanted to read them.

skamskada: With good reason, some of them are AMAZING. Also Swedish ones.

Ghostcat: I'mma hit you up for recs at some point.

skamskada: Aye aye. I've translated a couple of my own. But only the short and easy ones.

Ghostcat: Nice. You’ve certainly done a lot to generate fanwork and deserve a big shoutout for that.

skamskada: Thank you!

Ghostcat: :clap:

skamskada: I'm very pleased with the @evakteket​ challenges. People have enjoyed them and they've generated nice fics. Oh and that's how I started writing fics again, after I quit many years ago...

Ghostcat: Can you translate that for the uninitiated? -teket?

skamskada: The Evakteque, basically. The Evak library.

Ghostcat: Lovely.

skamskada: Where towonderland72 and I recced fics for two years. With the aid of  @fille-lioncelle​ the last half year or so. We wanted fandom to have a good rec blog, and so we ended up making one...The first challenge we made, we were terrified nobody would want to write for it, so we wrote ourselves to get at least two participants. Cough. And that's how I ended up writing fic again.

Ghostcat: you HAD to. FOR FANDOM.

skamskada: Hahaha.

Ghostcat: nO oThEr REasoNNN.

skamskada: In total, there were four rec blogs in fandom, but one posted for a month or two. Now there are none, really.

Ghostcat: I still see recs here and there.

skamskada: Yeah, but sporadic. Personal faves, mostly

Ghostcat: Back to Minutt for minutt.

skamskada: Yes, ma'am.

Ghostcat: Kosegruppa has a party and we don't really expect to see Even there.

skamskada: No, because he has practically begged off, but THERE HE IS. And Isak is delighted.

Ghostcat: But there he is looking a little messy but smiling and Isak is all dressed up in a nice shirt, holding his beer like he's having tea with the queen.

skamskada: Tarjei holds everything soooo gently.

Ghostcat: Such a poised young man. (And probable handless alien as per @newyearsirresolution​ theory)

skamskada: Isak is in a great mood, everything is in place and he's even seen his mum and dad again, although briefly―I miss some texts with them in that episode tbh.

Ghostcat: Like, ummm where'd you go, son? Missed the Nils Bech concert. poor form.

skamskada: I so love the final scene with Eva, where Isak isn't at all "oh this will be great for ever and ever", he's learned so much and he's not taking it for granted.

Ghostcat: That brings me round to @heihallohadet​'s question for you.

skamskada: I also love the girls making questionable decorations. Yes!

Ghostcat: What did you think of Isak’s answer to Eva’s question “is he the man of your life?” Were you surprised or disappointed that he was saying he wasn’t sure Even was the man of his life, or did you interpret it positively?

skamskada: I interpreted it as "We'll see how this works out" which I ADORED, but which surprised me a bit. So positively, yes. I'm not a fan of believing a relationship is for life when you're 17 and 19.

Ghostcat: Surprised you because of how strong this love story was, that hearing that answer was not your typically TV thing?

skamskada: Yes, exactly. No riding into the sunset, pragmatism all the way. Like how the best solution for Eva is to be single for a while, happiness isn't necessarily the Significant Other.

Ghostcat: I love how fucking smart it is. It's absolutely focusing on the here and now and brings about the final surprise of the season. More than a coming out story, more than a love story but an almost philosophical season.

skamskada: S3 encompasses coming out and a love story but it's so much more.

Ghostcat: How to best go about being an authentic and kind person.

skamskada: It's about forgiving others and yourself, it's about making the best out of what you have.

Ghostcat: Living life with realness and depth.

skamskada: Life can change quickly but the important thing is that you try not to be fake, yourself.

Ghostcat: Isak's best subject in school is biology―the study of life―and we end the season with a potent message: Life is now.

skamskada: That ending. I tear up just thinking about it. So powerful.

Ghostcat: He's not just book smart-

skamskada: He's life smart

Ghostcat: He's life smart. JINX.

skamskada: Hahaha.

Ghostcat: And the thing that is necessary to go from one to another―the person that reads stories, experiences other people's stories, watches other lives but doesn't take part―is to take a chance and participate, get hurt, learn, pick up, keep going. Here we have all of that, in ten, tidy little episodes. What a miraculous season this was.

skamskada: A masterpiece.

Ghostcat: Truly. Thank you so much, immy, for joining us for the last of these glorious episode guest chats.

skamskada: It was fun! And it's been fun watching the newbies watch. Takes me right back, it does.

Ghostcat: Thank you, guys, for joining our chat! Please continue the discussion below!

skamskada: I looooove how quietly confident Isak is in the last clip. How comfortably out and happy with his friends and boyfriend.

@etal-late​: Thank you both, I could only get here now but this was a great chat to read through. Ghostcat, I love what you said about Isak the biologist’s mastering of the study of life through the series.

@whatwillthegirlbecome​: I don't think I will ever ever tire of hearing what other people think of this season! Thank you, skamskada and Ghostcat for sharing your thoughts!

*

Next week we have a two-parter! First, then-first time watcher @bryrosea and I will hash out the experience that was watching this season outside of the real-time furor. Then noted SKAM scholar @lightsandlostbells​ talks with us about the glory of season three’s structure.

[folkgirlhero]

Coffee and Cigarettes

A Gerry Keay and Agnes Montague fic ft: platonic queer friendships and emotional support

Rated T (CW from mild internalized homophobia)

Read on ao3

She was already there when Gerry turned the corner, perched on a ledge that borders the rowhouse next door to their coffee shop, legs crossed at the ankles and swinging impatiently like a little kid. 

“You know, you’re pushing 60,” he called out, grinning. “Surprised you haven’t learned some patience in your old age.”

She turned her beautiful face towards him, long auburn hair shining in the sunlight, and stuck out her tongue. Gerry hoisted himself up next to her and offered her a cigarette, lighting them both.

“So your girlfriend tried to kill me on Friday,” Gerry offered. He always wants to get Agnes to ask “which one?” and she never will—one of the many games he plays that he knows he’ll never win. She just blew out a stream of smoke and waited.

Gerry sighed. “It was Jude.”

“Doesn’t seem like it quite took,” Agnes commented, looking him over. Aside from some singed hair, she’s right. 

“Hasn’t so far,” Gerry agreed. 

Agnes leaned against him, threading her arm through his and nestling her head into his shoulder. He felt her warm exhales against his neck as they sat in silence, smoking and thinking.

It’s hard not to feel protective of Agnes, for all that she’s older than his mother and basically a god. It doesn’t help that she looks like a lost teenager, in her little mod dresses and Mary Janes, as if fashion stopped moving when she stopped aging. Add to that the fact that she’ll suddenly open her mouth and say the saddest thing you’ve ever heard. Like,

“You’re the only one who I can touch like a person. Everyone else, it’s just…” She trailed off, unwilling to put words to the reverent caresses of those who love her like a god and the agony she unwillingly inflicted on anyone foolish enough to see her as mortal. And then Gertrude. The complex tangle of pain and love that make up any interaction with Gertrude. 

Gerry lifted his head from hers, untangling a strand of her flaming hair that was twisted in his eyebrow piercing, so he could look at her. She gave him her signature half-smile, a little upturn of the left side of her mouth that feels more like a tick than an expression.

“I know,” he said, trying to keep the pity that he knows he would despise, were he in her position, out of his voice. And he does know, without her having to say it. 

He leaned his head back on hers and they sat together, quiet, watching the sun dip low over the treetops and houses, glowing orange streaks painting the sky. 

***

Gerry was early this time. By a few hours. It had been an exhausting night that included a stab wound from a Slaughter avatar, 8 stitches in A&E, and a full hour of bullshit from Mary for losing the book. He had fallen into bed for a few hours of fitful sleep before his alarm went off to get him out of the house before Mary got up to continue her tirade. 

And he’d had nowhere else to go. So here he was, at their coffee shop, curled up in the sofa against the far wall, on his third cup in two hours and picking listlessly at a scone. 

Agnes practically waltzed in at 10:00 on the nose, wearing a daisy print dress and a straw hat, smelling of the sunshine that was making Gerry’s red-rimmed eyes water. She dropped her bag and plopped next to him, tipping her movie star sunglasses down her nose to look him over. 

“You look terrible,” she said brightly, slinging one arm around his shoulders and pulling him in to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Another one?” 

He nodded grimly and her other hand plucked his empty mug from the table in front of them, sweeping away to the counter and taking her warmth and sunshine with her.

Gerry pushed through the haze of misery that surrounded him like the cloud of dirt that followed Pigpen around in the Peanuts cartoons to watch Agnes flirt with the barista. She was honest to god twirling her hair as the other woman blushed over their drinks. She had been watching a lot of romantic comedies lately, he knew, and it wasn’t unusual for her to get caught up in a sort of extended daydream that she enacted with the rest of the world. 

What was unusual was for her to seem so happy doing it. 

She left the bar with a little twirl, mug in each hand, and sat down next to Gerry again. 

“D’you want to talk about it?” she asked, passing him the coffee that was sure to push him from awake to jittery.

Gerry thought about it, then said, “Nah. Tell me something nice instead.”

So she did.   

***

In October, shivering on the sidewalk café tables that were just this side of too chilly, both of them were resolutely determined to enjoy the changing leaves and the scent of burning firewood wafting through the air. Instead of going inside, they pushed their chairs together and curled up under a blanket, watching busy Londonites bustle up and down the street. 

“I don’t think I can kiss men,” Agnes said out of nowhere, sipping her coffee.

“You kiss me all the time.”

“No, properly, I mean.”

“I don’t want to kiss you “properly,” Agnes. You’re like a million years old. And it’d be weird.”

“No, I don’t mean you. I mean human men. I think I could probably kiss you, but yes, you’re right, it would be weird.”

“Leaving aside the fact that I am human men, okay, agreed, no kissing. You’re bringing it up why?”

Agnes shifted uneasily next to him and when she speaks, her voice is soft. “I didn’t want to hurt him. Jack, I mean. I didn’t really care about him, but I never wanted that. I just thought…” She hesitates.

“Thought what?” He leveled his voice to match hers, quiet and neutral. 

“Well. It’s what girls do, right? Find a nice man who looks at them like they are special, but not that special, still attainable. Go on dates with him, kiss him, wait for him to love you like you’re a person. Isn’t that right?”

Her brow was furrowed and her dark eyes were wide, looking at Gerry as if the question wasn’t rhetorical, as if he held the answers of humanity, as if he was something more than a fuck-up twenty-year-old who barely knew what it meant to be a person himself. Wasn’t like he’d had a ton of examples. 

“Some of them do,” he reminded her. This was not the first conversation they’d had where he’d tried to unpack her compulsory heteronormativity. You’d think as both a minor fear deity and a lesbian, she’d be above such things, but her bizarre life had ended up with her tying up wanting men as a part of being human. They were working on it. 

Meanwhile, Agnes had warmed to her topic. “And when I let him kiss me, I thought, this is it, this will make me a real girl. Like a sort of fairy tale. And I know it was cruel, I mean, I “know” in the way that you know that 2 and 2 is 4 or that London is the capital of England. It didn’t feel cruel, to kiss him right there in front of Jude and everyone, or to kiss him because I wanted out.”

“I think that’s the most human thing there is.” Gerry commented. “Wanting out.” 

She gave him a rare real smile, eyes warm and crinkling a bit. 

“A human desire that’s enough to make one embrace the monstrous?” She raised their entwined hands to look pointedly at his tattoos, still healing and glowing red at her touch. 

Gerry shrugged. “Whatever works.”

She nudged him with her shoulder. He nudged back.

“Okay, okay. Yes, it is. God, her face when I came home with them. You should have seen it.” He grinned at the memory, eyes gazing off into the distance, faking nostalgia for a couple weeks ago. Well, mostly faking. He had felt more powerful then than he had in ages. 

“Lesser men would have dropped dead from it,” she offers, smile in her voice. 

“Well, you know, us Keays are made of sterner stuff. As she never hesitates to remind me.”

“So did it work? Will it get you out?” Her tone was hard to place. Hopeful, but with a thread of fear. He turned to look at her.

“Nothing will get me out. I know that well enough.” He sighed. “All I can do is get a little more control, carve out something that’s just mine.”

“And the Eye lets you have that?” 

“Not exactly. There’s a line I have to walk, to keep it at bay I mean.” Gerry shrugged again. “I can’t do it forever. Dunno that I’ll live long enough for it to matter either way. But it makes a difference right now.”

Agnes made a hum of disapproval and Gerry chuckled at it.

“Not even you will live forever, you know?”

“Perish the thought,” she said, making a face. “But you deserve more than that.”

“Maybe. Maybe we both do.”

This was enough, though. A warm blanket and a hot drink on a cool night with some who loved and understood you like you wanted to be loved and understood. 

[polyamquackity]

An anon requested Logince + Oh No! by Marina and it turned out significantly longer than expected. 

Title: Oh No!

Warnings: Potentially panic attacks, implied bullying

Word Count: 1627

Read on AO3

It was common knowledge that Roman Williams was meant for better things. He had a genuine talent, his acting abilities bringing an abundance of new patrons to the school’s shows. He, in his own right, was relatively famous. Both locally and online. It was a surprise that he hadn’t left on some sort of show offer, he certainly had them. Rumors circled, but no one ever confirmed the reason. And of course, with fame and gossip, comes a torrent of people wanting a piece of the fun. If you asked, the students of Jonesville High would tell you that Roman had friends crawling out of the woodwork. His clique was that of the infamous popular kids, the preps. It wasn’t often that a queer theater kid was truly a school’s primadonna, but he managed it just fine.  

    Logan Arthur on the other hand, was significantly less well known. Most kids wouldn’t even know his name if you asked. This was by no accident, Logan didn’t want to be known. The only thing he wanted was to keep his head down and get the hell out of this city. To go to college and make something out of himself. The kids who did know his name, would be able to tell you that he was incredibly smart. 4.1 GPA smart. Had the knowledge to correct the teacher smart. He worked hard and had a seemingly never differing routine. This was a kid with no friends, a loner in the truest sense of the word.

    Rumors followed Logan throughout high school as well, although these were significantly more malicious than those about Roman. One of the more memorable being that Logan was an emotionless robot. It could be argued that these were more insults than rumors. After taking day after day of comments such as this, without so much as blinking, even the most experienced performer would need a break. A moment to be himself and to let everything out. So one day, instead of heading to his usual lunch spot in the library- Logan headed swiftly towards the empty auditorium. 

    If you were quiet and paid attention, you would notice that the performing art kids talked about how easy it was to get into the catwalk when it was left unattended. And you would know that it was the perfect place for a breakdown. Conveniently, Logan was aware of both of these things. People tended to talk in front of him as though he wasn’t there. 

He shimmied through the broken gate-like door, with relative ease. It was very broken. As he maneuvered up the steep, winding stairs, his tears began to fall. It was a slow thing, one tear slipping out at time. Finally escaping the dam that had been built long ago. Logan supposed that this was about far more than a few mean comments. Logically this was probably years in the coming, it wasn’t healthy to push everyone away as he had. 

What none of the students' gossip could have prepared him for, was that upon breaching the entrance to the catwalk, Logan would find one Roman Williams. One Roman Williams who was equally as, if not more intensely upset than Logan.  

There was an odd beat where they just started at one another. If Logan had not already been in tears, perhaps Roman would have said something needlessly cruel. And if the opposite were true, Logan may have simply left. But, as it was, they were both distraught. 

“Do you want to come sit with me?” Roman offered, awkwardly gesturing the area beside him.

“I’ll just find somewhere else,” Logan mumbled, already beginning to back down the stairs. 

“Nonsense, you’re already here, aren’t you? And it’s not like there’s anywhere else to cry without being caught. Well, more caught than we already have been.” 

Logan squinted into the dark, assessing the actors' offer. He sighed, making his way back up the few stairs he had descended, “If you’re certain.” He took a seat next to Roman and a silence rose between them. Sitting in the dark, crying silently next to a stranger is a weird scenario for anyone to be in. But, it was especially odd for these two. 

It was surprising to say the least, when this quiet was broken by Roman giggling, “What the hell are we doing?” 

Logan raised a brow at him, “I thought it was obvious? We’re crying.” 

More laughter bubbled out of Roman, “I know that! I just. We could at least be trying to help each other and instead we’ve elected to wallow in our miseries privately.” Roman wiped at his tear stained face, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“You don’t even know my name, why would I tell you about my feelings?” 

Roman turned to get a better look at him, “Huh. I actually don’t think I’ve seen you around set before. Were you part of the crew freshman year or something?” 

“No, I’ve never been involved with the theatre club.” 

“Then how do you know about this place?” 

Logan looked away and reached to fidget with his watch, “Hearsay.” 

“So you were eavesdropping?” Roman accused, leveling the other with a look. 

“Is it eavesdropping if people talk directly next to you, as if you aren’t even there? I’m certain that they noticed me, it’s not as if I was hiding.” Logan asked sheepishly. 

“Hm. I guess that isn’t.” He reached out his hand, “I’m Roman then, if we have to exchange names before feelings.” 

The other hesitantly gripped his hand in response, “Logan.”  Another beat passed, “So, which of us should go first?” 

Roman shrugged, “I asked you first.” 

Logan ran a hand through his hair, “I suppose that I’m feeling rather upset at the moment. People tend to make assumptions and opinions about people who differ from them and I differ pretty heavily from our peers. Their incessant mocking seems to have gotten the best of me.” 

Roman nodded, “People are assholes. I’m sure whatever they’re saying about you isn’t true.” 

“You don’t even know me.” 

“Yeah, but I know our school. And I haven’t met a kind person in a long time. I’m not sure if anybody is really anything more than a fake anymore.” 

It was Logan's turn to nod. Both parties had ceased crying since they began talking to one another. Logan wasn’t much for talking about his emotions, so he decided to urge the conversation forward, “Do you want to talk about your feelings now?” 

Roman took a breath, “Sometimes! Sometimes having to be perfect is too much! I have to act a specific way or else- Or else I lose my reputation. And that’s everything in show business. I need to be the best, to never falter or. Or I’ve failed. And I can’t fail, I have too much on the line to fail.” Roman looked close to crying again. 

Logan carefully put his hand on the other's shoulder, “I’ve dealt with a similar issue, although at a much different level. I’ve pushed people away because of it, but from what I know you’ve done the opposite. Would you like my advice?” 

This was met with a shaky nod. 

“You are human Roman. Despite your reputation, you are going to fail sometimes. That is an entirely human thing to do. And people who truly care about you will be understanding of this. If there are people in your life that are making you feel otherwise, they probably aren’t good for you.” 

“That makes sense.” Roman admitted. For the third time that day, a silence occurred between them. Although, this was the most comfortable out of all of them. The five minute warning bell rang in the distance and Logan shifted to stand up and head to class. 

“Wait, before you go, can I have your number or something?” 

Logan stared at Roman, mouth agape, “Are? Are you being serious?” 

Roman rolled his eyes, “Dude, yeah. This might have been really weird. But, it was also the most genuine conversation I’ve had in awhile.” 

“Yeah, okay then. My numb-” 

“Just give me your phone and I’ll give you mine.” 

Logan handed his phone over, standing awkwardly as Roman put his number in. 

“There you go! Make sure to send me a text soon Logan!” Roman said far too brightly for someone who had just been on the verge of tears. He handed Logan his phone back before practically running down the stairs. 

It wasn’t until the end of the school day that Logan took the time to text Roman. What the loner saw in his contacts made him freeze up for a moment, Roman had put a heart emoticon next to his name. That probably meant nothing he reasoned with himself, it’s not like they even talked for that long. 

Logan: Hey this is Logan from earlier. You told me to text soon, so here’s a text. 

Roman<3: Hey!! I’m glad you texted! 

Roman<3: I wanted to tell you that you really helped me out earlier and I’m feeling a lot better. Although, I wish I could have helped you out more. It doesn’t even seem like you got to talk that much

Roman<3: Also, I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to get coffee sometime? 

    In the future, it would be common knowledge that Roman and Logan were made for each other. No one knew high school sweethearts who had a bond as strong as theirs. Forged in fire some would say. The two found success and comfort in one another. A sense of home that neither had ever felt before. 

    But, that was the future. For now, what they have is this first coffee date. A gentle start to something wonderful. 

[spaceskam]

another sneak peek for the next chapter of my fix-it because i really like this part and i wanted to share

“I did corrupt your straight white boy ass, you know.”

Michael shook his head with a laugh. “Cute.”

“Well, that’s what she thinks. Or, a lot of people think,” Alex said, “What is your percentage anyway? Like, a lot of bi people have a percentage or something, not always 50/50.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t fucking know,” Michael admitted. Alex actually laughed this time and Michael just smiled. He really didn’t know. He thought he was pretty 50/50, but it was hard to really conceptualize that on a human level. He guessed he could make a list of everyone he’d slept with and base it off of that, but even that felt skewed because most of the time he’d had pretty limited options in Roswell. If he counted everyone he’d been attracted to, though, that felt like an even harder thing. Did famous people count? Cartoons? At the end of the day, who really held a candle to Jessica Rabbit? “I just act on how I feel in the moment. But you aren’t the only man I’ve hooked up with if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex asked, “Who else?”

“Okay, it was only one other guy and it was just, like, giving head in the bathroom of a club, but still. You didn’t make me queer, you just made me know it was okay,” Michael said. Alex was quiet and when Michael glanced over at him, he saw him staring at him with that look. The one with the half-lidded eyes and the smirk and his head tilted back. It had his stomach doing flips. “What?”

“Nothing,” Alex hummed, leaning forward to turn the radio up. Misery Business by Paramore was playing, still in it’s first few chords as if Alex had just sensed it was on.

“You can’t just ignore me for Hayley Williams,” Michael laughed. Alex cranked it up louder, the speakers thudding as the instruments kicked in. “Really?”

“I’m in the business of misery, let’s take it from the top,” Alex sang, leaning in instead of answering. Michael just rolled his eyes and joined in until they were both headbanging and scream-singing at the windshield. It felt good. Everything else in the world paled in comparison to just that.

He was almost sad as they pulled up to Max’s house.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 15 April 1832: SH:7/ML/E/15/0052

8 5

12 ¾

-  Let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y St[uar]t inclos[in]g     half sheets fr[om] Mrs. Hamilt[o]n to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] de R- [Rothesay] and let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y G- [Gordon] 1 half sh[ee]t full - fine morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 61° at 9 1/2 in my r[oo]m and 67° at 9 3/4 in the balc[on]y - Mr. West preach[e]d 33 min[ute]s fr[om] 1 Tim[oth]y 1.15 - queer Evangel[ica]l serm[o]n awake all the time w[e]nt out at 1 1/2 for 1 1/2 h[ou]r - met Captain Cameron she asked him to dinner the murder is out  we talked it over she will not say no so ‘tis done ca[me] to my r[oo]m soon aft[e]r 4 - wr[ote] the foll[owin]g to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] ‘Hast[in]gs Sun[day] 15 Ap[ril] 1832. Th[an]k you ver[y] m[u]ch my d[eare]st L[ad]y St[uar]t, for all y[ou]r k[i]nd anx[iet]y ab[ou]t me, and for Mrs. Hamilton’s excell[en]t let[ter] - we will talk ab[ou]t all this - I shall n[o]t fix an[y]th[in]g till my arriv[a]l in Lond[on] - I fear there is no chance of my see[in]g L[ad]y St[uar]t de Rothesay - I h[a]d a let[ter] fr[om] L[ad]y Gordon this morn[in]g who is alarm[e]d already - I kno[w] n[o]th wheth[e]r Vere will, or can for fear of overweight, wr[Ite] at all today - poor dear girl! I really feel for and pity her excessive shyness and incredulity   on going out to take our little walk we un expectedly met a friend whom between ourselves I rather coutned upon seeing again rather sooner at last poor Vere has found herself almost forced into entering upon the subject with me and I have really thought it right   assured as I am of your approbation to express my gladness to see our friend who is to dine with us this evening   as I find he stays tomorrow I conclude he will call in the morning  when it will be so natural for me to be out that even Vere’s fastidiousness can find not fault  the mere being asked to dinner might be taken as enough  I hope and think it will       we ha[ve] h[a]d a good deal of n[or]th east wind till today; b[u]t Vere h[a]s borne it bet[ter] then I expect[e]d; and I am in bet[ter] sp[iri]ts ab[ou]t h[e]r than I w[a]s - ever, dear[e]st L[ad]y St[uar]t, ver[y] affect[ionatel]y y[ou]rs A. [Anne] Lister’ at 5 20/: took d[o]wn my no[te] 3 p[ages] of 1/4 sh[ee]t to ‘the Hon[oura]ble Lady St[uar]t Whitehall’ to Miss H- [Hobart] to enclose w[i]th Mrs. Hamilton’s let[ter] to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] twenty minutes with Miss H- [Hobart] laughing and joking but found the tears sstarting as I kissed her forehad and ran away   what are you going said she but I was off

saying oh I dare not look behind me     a few tears are falling but away with them ‘For hum[a]n weal

heav[e]n husb[a]nds all events’   I am satisfied  I can keep uo the friendship try to arrange  with Lady Gordon and be better off than with Miss H- [Hobart] ‘tis strik[in]g 6 - dress[e]d - din[ner] at 6 3/4 - on going down saw them on the sofa to[ge]ther and both looking so satisfied I suspected how it was  the moment we left the dining room about eight he staying behind  quarter hour she told me it was all over he made his offer

in a very flattering manner to her done it very well and she had accepted him I said it was much better I was very glad of it she gave me her two cheeks to kiss  I kisse[d] the first one then the other but said nothing   she morelized a little said how a moment changed our whole  lives but she thought she should not repent  he stays tomorrow I asked if he would dine with us yes she did not care now what was ssaid I gently suggested that it would be more consistent with her former  primminess to tell him that now they could not mistake each other she thought he had better not dine here two days together  they could see more of each other at the Lodge  and perhaps he would not be the less pleased with  her for this  I was not prudish but now perhaps I even felt more particular than she did   she seemed satisfied with what I said said Italy had already been mentioned for the winter he came in   we soon had coffee I poured it out ordered tea in half an hour and soon came upstairs   a little before nine  and left them to their happiness  what a sudden change for us alll  for me too she will go to Italy but not with me  well tho’ I made my eyes very yed [red] with crying before dinner I already begin to think it is better she would  have left me in the lurch when I could have managed less well than now odd enough we had scarcely  gone out to the house this afternoon when we a long small man at a distance before us and she said  how very far that man’s arms are for his ssides (one saw the light between the uper arm and side)  I don’t like that  when who should it be but Captain Cameron   he shook hands with us both we walked  up High street and past the nursery garden and then took several turns in the croft  I thought she walked up and down very satisfiedly  in returning along George street I heard her ask him if he would eat his mutton chop with us  ‘I shall be very glad to see you’ ‘will you really’ said he in a low voice  oh oh thought I then it’s all over  and we talked it over on our return  she owned that aunt and she had agreed it  would be very foolish to refuse him but still she refused to believe he really would offer till he had absoultely  done it  she will soon be sufficiently in love   well my prospects are changed  it was only this morning at  

 SH:7/ML/E/15/0053

breakfast I had spoken of my father and mother as having been unhappy together  an ill assorted match and spoke of Marian as   if I wanted to make a thing better always pulling it down again  she liked to everybody be cock of the dunghill etc etc in fact I have gradually of late become more confidential luckily I have never told her my fortune or income and on the whole said nothing I am very sorry for  I do not feel uncomfortably committed tho’ I did laugh and say befor[e] church this morning  well if it was not for the petticoats the thing would be clear enough  yes that it would said she  perhaps ssaid I laughingly it is pretty much the same thing in spite of them (the petticoats)  how little dream what so few hours would bring forth while doubting of Captain C- [Cameron]  she liked to keep me within reach better have me than neither or nobody  le jeu vaut la chandelle  I am satisfied perhaps I shall do tolerably yet  at all rates I feel more comfortable after having  written the above - fr[om] 8 55/.. to 9 1/2 wr[ote] the last 33 lines in Miss H-‘s [Hobart] room my own full of smoke  w[e]nt d[o]wn to tea at 9 35/.. - talked away agreeably enough he staid till eleven and a quarter  she then ate an orange and when she had done it I asked for my orangeade  oh said she I had forgot it  I made no ob[servation]s but kept  up very well ca[me] upst[ai]rs at 11 1/2 and to my r[oo]m at 11 35/.. - kissed her forehead as usual and glad to be  off rang my bell immediately to get rid of Cameron and have no fear of interruption feeling  that I should make a fool of myself as ssoon as alone  why do I do it   she never cared for me well she even think for one moment of what I may or may not really feel on this occasion?  well flow on my useless miserable foolish tears  but they have flowed before perhaps  even more uncomfortably than now there is less mortification  the thing is at least  intelligible I shall get the better of it and at least be thankful that my fate is fixed  shall I see much of her hereafter or not   how odd will seem our meeting in Italy! but I shall be better then  how thankful I am this business did not happen sooner  I shall at least  escape the lovemaking  she says I behave beautifully she little guesses the misery of this tearful moment as I write but no more surely it will be over by morning  Finish mild sunless day - F[ahrenheit] 63° at 11 3/4 in my r[oo]m and 49 1/2° at 12 3/4 in the balc[on]y

[hachichimitsu2]

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

Hello. Yes, you heard me. Here are all the scenes that legit scream out “STYLE” in South Park, whether these scenes are too far of a reach or not. I mostly compiled this out of my very own convenience, and hopefully this’ll help you a whole lot too. This is extremely text heavy, so I’ll put this under “Read More”. I haven’t played any of the games, so I won’t be including it here at this time, so if you guys know any good moments from the games, please let me know and I’ll add it to the list.

Cherokee Hair Tampons:

- The entire goshdarn episode.

- Stan being concerned and distraught over a dying Kyle breaks my heart. He was even bawling next to Kenny.

- Stan willing to donate his kidney to Kyle, even if it’d hurt a lot.

- Stan knowing that Kyle ate a bean and bacon soup half an hour ago shows that he’s been by Kyle’s side for quite some time now.

- Stan holding onto Kyle while they were at Cartman’s house.

- “Dude, you’re my best friend. I don’t want you to die before I do...”

Super Best Friends:

- Yeah, um, this episode...is gay.

- Stan and Kyle entering the episode with ice cream cones while Butters and Cartman wondering where they got them from. It’s assumed Stan and Kyle were hanging out with each other off-screen.

- I think Kyle being convinced that he’s not “really happy” through brainwashing is parallel to Stan being convinced that he’s “depressed” by the Church of Scientology.

- Stan trying to help Kyle escape with him, not even mentioning this plan to Kenny, Cartman or even Butters.

- Stan and Kyle looking at each other with longing looks while dramatic music plays in the background. Ah yes. I am...not even joking...this legit happened.

- How to Find Your Boyfriend 101: “OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!!” “Y-you bastards...”

- Stan pleading Kyle not to kill himself and to hold his breath while being there for him.

- The ending where they call each other Super Best Friends and both proceed to beat up Cartman when he teased that they should make out.

Cartmanland:

- Stan comforting a distraught Kyle.

- @belovedhomosexuals mentioned that canonically, Stan helps Kyle with his hemorrhoid cream, and IM-

- Stan doing everything he can to get back at Cartman for Kyle’s sake.

- Stan demanding the doctor to wheel Kyle out to see Cartman in misery.

Asspen:

- “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HEATHER!!” >:(

- Kyle not wanting Stan to do the K-13. He doesn’t want him to die.

- Kyle holds a polaroid photo of the both of them. How cute. Does he bring it with him wherever he goes?

The Biggest Douche In The Universe:

- Stan not wanting to go back to Colorado without Kyle and does all he can to convince him that John Edward is a fraud.

Follow That Egg:

- They are dads.

- They take care of their egg really well.

- “As a matter of fact, it is the nicest hat I’ve ever known”

- They’re the reasons gays could get married.

- Stan getting jealous of Kyle being paired up with Wendy. It does seem like a reach I have to admit, but if you’re a Stylendy fan, then this one’s for you.

Return of Chef

- The iconic beginning “flashback” where they both look at the sunset together.

Smug Alert:

- Stan and Kyle meeting in the parking lot in the beginning when Kyle was helping his dad give fake tickets.

- Kyle being moved away from South Park has Stan write a song to get Kyle and his family to come back.

- The cute hug in the end.

Fantastic Easter Special

- Stan, out of breath, asks Kyle for help in protecting Snowball

- Kyle helping him out anyways even though he was busy with fingerprinting.

- Cinematic parallels of Kyle killing Jesus and Stan killing that alien in Pinewood Derby.

Imaginationland Trilogy

- Kyle calling Stan in the morning regarding the “dream.”

- Stan and Kyle, unsure of the notes, both trying to recall the Imagination song. It was cute.

- Stan being distraught when ManBearPig got a hold on Kyle. (I swear, I’ve used the word “distraught” for over 1948388 times now)

- Kyle communicating through Stan telepathically with his Imagination.

Guiltar Queer O

- The whole episode.

- “I know...I need you.”

- The whole episode was literally as if they went through a break up.

- They’re both in sync when playing, right up to their tongues up.

- “Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity! Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!” (Foreshadowing for SOT?)

- Stan thinking of Kyle as he’s “driving”.

The List:

- Stan doing all he can to prove that Kyle is a handsome mf. Another episode that screams Stylendy rights.

You Got F’d in the A:

- Kyle being so happy to see Stan dancing back to the Orange County kids.

- It’s canon that Stan can dance well while Kyle doesn’t have rhythm whatsoever. Wouldn’t it be a cute idea for Stan to teach Kyle how to dance?

You Have 0 Friends

- Kyle pleading Stan to water his crops.

- A short detail but if you noticed when Kyle announced that they made an FB account for Stan, he only added himself as Stan’s friend. This means that Kyle legit “friended” himself in Stan’s profile and didn’t bother to add Kenny or Cartman to Stan’s friend list.

- “Yes. WE’RE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS STAN!!” :D

You’re Getting Old:

- Oof. Yeah....

- Stan obviously loves Kyle a whole lot, but him seeing Kyle slowly turn into a turd probably did break his heart little by little. And when I mean by probably, I mean massively.

- Kyle shouldn’t exactly be demonized for not being able to handle Stan’s cynicism. Because I think it’s ok to admit you can’t handle such emotional drainage even if coming from your SBF, but do mind that him leaving Stan was most likely NOT easy for him. It’s kinda sad that they’ve slowly drifted away since then. BUT NO I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN ;-;

Assburgers:

- “Fuck you Kyle! You’re a piece of shit...Kyle, I love you. You’re a piece if shit though, fuck you...! I love you...”

- Stan immediately going back to Kyle when he’s feeling “better”

- That McDonalds Exec. literally narrating Stan and Kyle’s current rocky relationship and not believing every second of if.

A Nightmare on Facetime:

- “WILL SOMEONE GET ME A CHARGER OVER HERE!!’

- Kyle bringing and guiding Stan through the iPad.

Ginger Cow:

- Jokes aside, when Stan was asking Kyle about Cartman’s farts, he was really sweet and understanding to him. He genuinely wants to understand why Kyle likes Cartman’s farts so much and knew something was up by the way Kyle was hiding things.

- I also like how he was not afraid to call Kyle a dick. I think a good level of transparency is needed in a healthy relationship. That’s just how they roll.

- Stan helping Kyle cover up in the end....though it did backfire.

Black Friday Trilogy:

- “DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!” “Kyle thought of it.” ;-;

- Stan being grounded and Kyle apologizing at the other side of the door was peak gay angst level.

- “That’s just how Xbox people are...” D:

- Ok now for something sweet. In the deleted scene, Stan was showing Kyle how the playstation controller works and...wow.......what cute babies.

Prehistoric Ice Man:

- “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!!” *looks at Kyle* “What? I’m not talking to you anymore.”

- Them fighting and arguing was so adorable. Their voices were so squeaky and cute in this episode.

- “First one to die loses.” SOGKEKGKRI WHAT MORONS

- Stan and Kyle kind of awkwardly trying to start the fight reminds me of Tweek vs Craig.

Mexican Joker:

- Stan angrily sending Cartman to the detention center after hearing about him sending Kyle there.

Band in China:

- “kyyyyyyYYYYYLEEEE :D DUDE YOU’RE BACK!!”

- Stan making a death metal band because a.) He hates living in the farm and b.) He misses Kyle so hard.

Britney’s New Look:

- Another Stan and Kyle episode where they both realized how so far in the wrong they’re in, and they desperately want to fix it.

- Stan and Kyle giving up in the end and joining in the chant.

The Death of Eric Cartman:

- Stan offering Kyle money so he could buy milk for lunch.

Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub:

- “You can't just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.”

- When Kyle walks over in the end, Stan proceeds to complain to him how he had the worst night and they both go to Kyle’s house to hang.

The China Probrem

- In the beginning, Stan telling Kyle to refute Cartman’s racist sayings and got overly concerned when Kyle said he couldn’t do this anymore.

- Stan going in Kyle’s room to talk about moving on from what they’ve witnessed.

- Stan holding Kyle’s hand to run away in Kyle’s dream. Kyle waking up and crying when Stan wasn’t around to comfort him.

- Stan and Kyle crying in each other’s arms and telling each other “I love you”.

- Small detail but when they were leaving the attorney’s office and the attorney and the kids were crying altogether, Stan put a hand on Kyle to comfort him as they were crying.

The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce:

- Stan appearing in Kyle’s living room suddenly.

- “Well dude, maybe we're just super badass. Have you thought of that?” Yeah I know Stan was trying to cover up what he just did by saying that but still.

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe:

- Stan helping Kyle save Ike.

- “Hahaha you farted.” WHAT GROSS DORKS

- Kyle telling a speech to the aliens and Stan remarking how beautiful it was.

A Very Crappy Christmas:

- Kyle calling Stan in the middle of the night to get the guys, and Stan answering all sleepily is so adorable.

- Stan and Kyle voice acting together.

- Stan and Kyle doing the stopmotion animation together.

- Stan and Kyle laughing when they had Stan voice act Cartman to say the “ham” line.

Fun With Veal:

- Kyle taking care of a sickly Stan despite being a bit of a germaphobe.

The Snuke:

- Stan coming over to a sick Kyle’s house immediately after school has been suspended.

Crack Baby Athletic Association:

- Stan not being afraid to call out on Kyle.

- Kyle snuck into Stan’s room and Stan was listening to him unfazed.

Quintuplets 2000:

- Them trying to do gymnastics.

Pee:

- Kyle getting disgusted after hearing Stan talk about how it’s normal for people to pee in pools and in the shower.

Butterballs:

- Kyle calling Stan out in the bathroom, and they have this long ass stare. Kyle knowing that Stan will be jackin it in San Diego.

Bike Parade:

- Stan making Kyle laugh.

Proper Condom Use

- Stan and Kyle playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll and roleplaying.

- “SCREAM FOR ME BITCH!” “AHHHHHHHHH”

- Stan and Kyle in the same car with their cute big heads protruding.

World War Zimmerman:

- Stan and Kyle playing football.

The Scoots:

- Once again, Stan and Kyle playing football.

City on the Edge of Forever:

- Stan saving Kyle in his dream.

- Stan and Kyle sitting a bit closer to each other than usual in Stan’s dream.

Grounded Vindaloop:

- The tetherball date.

- Stan and Kyle saying “fuck you” to Kenny.

Clubhouses:

- Stan reading Bebe’s note, and Kyle being unfazed about it later in the episode. It was never defined whether he was informed the note came from Bebe.

#REHASH:

- Stan and Kyle being called grandpas by the little kids.

Tegridy Farms:

- When one of Ike’s classmates blew smoke in front of Kyle, Stan got extremely defensive about it.

Raising the Bar:

- Stan informing Kyle that it isn’t cool to continue on with “Fatty Doo Doo”.

- Stan checking up on Kyle as he’s sitting alone and listening to him lament about how the bar has sunk so low because of people.

Go Fund Yourself:

- *looking at Kyle’s ass* Boy this is the life huh.

Truth and Advertising:

- Stan and Kyle fist fighting for real, and Tweek and Craig looking at them concerned since they rarely ever fight like this.

Conjoined Fetus Lady:

- Stan preparing to catch Kyle if ever he fails to catch the dodgeball.

Stanley’s Cup:

- THEIR YOUNGER SELVES PLAYING HOCKEY!

ManBearPig:

- Stan’s head on Kyle’s lap. It’s so beautifully rendered.

Board Girls:

- “Wow, you are really into board games.”

A Scause for Applause:

- Kyle confronts Stan about cutting the bracelet by saying Heidi Turner saw him with super glue.

The Death Camp of Tolerance:

- “KYLE! KYLE! YOU HAVE TO KEEP MAKING YOUR MACARONI PICTURES!!”

South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut:

- Stan getting jealous that even Kyle is amazed at Gregory.

Cartman Join NAMBLA:

- Stan and Kyle putting their face against the glass.

Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics:

- Stan and Kyle making fun of Shelly behind her back.

Raisins:

- Kyle coming to visit Stan with the gang after the whole breakup.

- Kyle wanting Stan to be happy again by bringing him to Raisins.

- Kyle being annoyed over Stan being distraught over Wendy. Jealous?

Mr. Jefferson:

- When Stan hears a knock on his window, he assumes it’s Kyle.

- Stan and Kyle being good caretakers of Blanket.

- Stan and Kyle sleeping with Blanket.

[octopuscato]

I always thought I was left wing, but staying on Tumblr and YouTube, well it made me feel like I was just pretending to be a good person. Look I eat meat, I'm an active consumer who doesn't much question what she reads/watches and just enjoys. I do consider myself a liberal/social democrat but I hate the BS on Tumblr and while I do think that the current model of Capitalism is unsustainable, anarchism or full Socialism isn't the answer. Am I selfish? Am I just making excuses not to change?

Uhhh, you ask the deep questions, nonnie.

First things first: hating the absolutely ridiculous shenanigans that pass as ‘leftist’ and ‘woke’ on this website says exactly nothing about your morals or your political leanings, really. Example: I’m a person who votes as leftist as possible within the legal political spectrum in Germany, I get my fair share of “links-grün-versiffter Gutmensch” insults (”green leftist dogooder scum”) from right-wingers. I used to be vegan, try to consume animal products from cruelty-free animal farming these days, try to reduce plastic waste and Amazon consumption, don’t wear many synthetic clothes anymore. I don’t drive and barely fly, I’m pro-choice, a feminist (not radfem, not man-hater, but feminist as in “all are equal”), I’m queer, I’m 100% for our social state model here (universal healthcare, tax-funded education, welfare, pensions etc.)…you get the picture. On tumblr, I’m told that I’m an abuser, a willing slave and helper to the patriarchy, brainwashed by toxic masculinity into hating women, I don’t want to think critically, I just want to consume (media and other things), I’m a literal Nazi and holocaust denier. What I’m trying to say is: tumblr is not the arbiter of morality, by far, and while it’s certainly good and necessary to look at yourself with a critical eye once in a while and think about your life and your choices and whether or not you think you could change/improve something, it’s definitely not good, sustainable, or healthy to constantly wallow in misery over everything that’s going wrong in the world and agonise every day about how everyone is a selfish narcissist devoid of empathy and we’re all going to die - which is apparently the only acceptable mode de vie in certain tumblr circles. 

Heck, on tumblr it’s cool and modern among people in their teens and 20s these days to stan outright communism, which is bizarre and offensive to everyone who had or still has to suffer from oppressive communist regimes. My family was split in two for decades, with part of them imprisoned in the GDR, they’d have been murdered if they had tried to leave, but hey, communism is totally swell. No. Fuck that.

Of course capitalism the way it’s being practiced right now is nowhere close to sustainable, and I think governments and huge businesses still care far too little, as do we all, as a whole. But also, you and I need to look at what’s possible for us to do. Some people (can) do more than others, that’s fine, and not everyone is cut out for or able to go to three dozen demonstrations in two months or be Greta Thunberg. But I do think everyone should try and do something, contribute in some way. Even if it’s, idk, a 10€/month contribution to the WWF or a local women’s shelter or something. Signing a petition that’s actually about something important. Writing a short but clear e-mail to your politicians when you learn about policies you disagree with. That kind of thing, done regularly.

I see nothing wrong with enjoying media without constantly performing social analysis, with eating meat (not from factory farming, tbh.) or not voting for the resident communist party. What is wrong, imho, is to just mindlessly consume and burn away resources and not caring. You do care, or else I wouldn’t be answering this ask now. You are reflecting your actions, and that’s something everyone should do.

In the end, all I can say is that questioning yourself is good, and I’d try to do it regularly and honestly - often enough, we know that how we live and our actual values are not in accordance. I struggle with that, too, because too often, I’m exhausted and not feeling mentally up to doing what I see as the ethically right choice. (And then we’ve got to be able to accept that and move on and try again.) But also, it’s not good to do it to the point of self-destruction, like tumblr seems to want us to. We’re not robots.

/soapbox ;) I hope I made sense.