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descendantofthesparrow · 5 years

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Daughter of the honorable thief – Harry Hook x reader - Part 5 -best friends and useless lesbians.

Harry Hook x Daughter of Robin Hood!Reader

Warning: talk of abuse in this, so if you're uncomfortable with it, please don’t read, or skip to when it's not being addressed anymore.

key

h/c- hair color

e/c- eye color

h/l- hair length

s/c- skin color

y/n- your name

clothing reference:

---(y/n) POV---

Arriving at chemistry class, you saw an empty next to Uma, ‘well,’ you thought, seeing the only other empty seat was next to chad ‘might as well bond with Uma a little’ crossing the class and plopping down next to Uma, smiling at the teal-haired girl.

Uma tilted her head up for a moment before looking back down at her book.

“so” Uma mumbled, you glanced at her, keeping a listening for the teacher, “what else did you do? Other than the faces.”

You hummed and tapped your fingers on the table, smirking as you remember filling the border around mals bed with plastic balls.

“I turned her bed area into a ball pit, put Nicolas cadges face on all her photos, and, as you know, covered her locker in his face, and then I found her coveted oreo stash and replaced a lot of the creams with some pureed baby wipe jelly beans~’

Uma covered her face and tears streamed down her face, stifling her laughter.

“oh my hades, that’s amazing” she quietly muttered through her silent laughter.

You snickered bumping your shoulder with Umas, “yeah, actually I didn’t do it alone” Uma looked at you confused “Erza helped me out”

Uma made an “o” shape with her mouth and nodded.

Feeling your phone vibrate, you smiled apologetically at Uma and carefully took out your phone, keeping it out of sight of the teacher.

From - Titania ;p at 10:15 am

‘is it just me, or is Uma really goddamn hot ;p’

You rolled your eyes and turns to look behind her, looking at Erza. Who sticks her tongue out at you and winks.

You mouthed ‘focus’ Erza pouts and looks down at her phone, typing away.

‘I cant X’’’’C, she's so pretty!!! I can't take my eyes off her!!’

‘Erza you useless lesbian, im not doing another all-nighter because you couldn’t stop thirsting for five minutes.’

‘okay okay im sorry’

Rolling your eyes you put your phone back in your pocket, you looked back at the blackboard, writing down the lesson in your notebook.

*Buzz*

You sighed, taking out your phone once more.

From – Titania ;p at 10:16

‘think I have a chance with her?’

‘don’t know, depends on if she's into girls or not’

‘find out for me?’

‘no can do, im not at that level of friendship yet, still at level 3. I think I need to be at least level 15 to know her sexuality’

‘right right….but if she does like girls?’

‘then she’d be head over heels for you, can I get back to learning so I don’t have to repeat this class?’

‘fine fine, ly’

‘lyt’

Uma raised her brow as you sighed and once more put your phone away, “who was that?” she mumbled, you nodded towards Erza and Uma slowly nodded, for only being around Erza for only a couple seconds, she already understood most of her mannerisms.

For the rest of the class, you and Uma sat in silence, only talking when the other needed help understanding something or when the teacher called on either of you.

Packing your things away you said goodbye to Uma and locked arms with Erza and made your way back to your lockers, storing away your chemistry books and taking out your English books.

Looking to your right, you saw Erza pursing her lips, tapping her cheek with her right hand, a sign of when she was thinking hard.

“don’t hurt your self erzy” you teased as you fished out two chocolate chip granola bars, handing one to Erza, the amber-eyed girl scoffed and took the bar, looking at you with a stern eye.

“ok real talk, do ya think I would ‘ave a chance wit’ Uma?”

You sighed, here we go, every time Erza had a crush she would pester you with, ‘am I good enough?’

“Erza” she rose her brow, you rarely took that tone with her “as I said before, it depends on what Umas sexuality is, and what she's into, don’t beat your self up just because of that one bitch in 8th grade”

WARNING: TALK OF ABUSE STARTS HERE

Erza snarled at that, ah yes…Lila, the girl who had ruined her self-esteem. Backhanded compliment after backhanded compliment, she had cruelly picked Erza apart and left her in pieces for you to pick up.

‘oh your hair looks good short, but I think it made your face look skinner when it was longer’

‘those jeans look good! But don’t you think you should lay off the cake erza? It looks a bit snug around the waist’

Erza had begun to starve herself after Lilas pushing and slowly started to whittle away, letting her hair grow out just because of Lila even though Erza preferred her shorter hair because it was more efficient.

Losing her hard worked muscles because she wasn’t eating enough to keep them, she had been destroying herself.

And you had refused to lose your best friend, so you had talked to her parents and started to protect Erza from Lila even more, instead of contradicting Lila's words, you began to get physical, pushing Lila away from Erza, stepping in between them.

Anything for your best and oldest friend.

Soon, Erza had begun to notice the harshness in Lila’s comments, and started to fight back, started to eat more, cut her thinning hair short.

Lila didn’t like that and moved on from being emotional and mentally abusive to physically abusive.

She had tried to force Erza to do what she wanted, including sex, Erza had refused, resulting in a broken wrist and black eye, and bruises on her torso, arms, and legs.

Erza had enough and fought back, Lila had forgotten Erza was a trained fighter and had been fighting since she could crawl.

Lila tried to put up a fight but Erza quickly ended it, even with her body being weaker than she was used to.

Lila was sent to juvie for endangering Erzas life and attempted rape, and then she was sent to military school.

That had surely knocked the god complex out of her.

Erza had taken a year and a half to get back to where she was physically, and ongoing sessions to get the bullshit Lila put in her mind out of her head, your frequent talks and her sessions with a therapist helping her get back to a stable mind.

END OF ABUSE TALK

“Yeah,” Erza scoffed, brushing her hand through her hair, rolling her eyes. “Im done with that bullcrap, I just wanna be with someone who can love me for me, and not try to change me….in a negative way.”

You smiled and nodded, “exactly, now, you’re a gorgeous, strong, independent woman, anyone would be lucky to have you, including Uma, but only if she's into girls, you can't force your sexuality onto her, it's not fair or right.”

Erza nodded, feeling better. You were always good at giving speeches.

“Okay, now serious talk over, now for a less serious talk with stupid ideas for convincing Uma to go on at least one date with me~”

You let out an air of breath that sounded like *pfft* and turned to start walking to English, “oh my god you are such a lesbian!!”

“you know you love me!!”

“yes,” you cackled, linking your arms with Erza,” yes I do, unfortunately”

“oh you bitch”

“yep”

-----

You had met Gil in English class, seeing no one around him, you sat next to him, Erza sitting at his other side.

“Hey Gil, how’s it going?” the blond-haired boy smiled and shrugged. “pretty good, no ones attacked me today, and I think I aced my biology exam, oh! And the lunch lady gave me an entire box of sugar cookies! so all in all its been going good!”

Erza stared at gil for a few moments, before she latched herself onto him with a determined face.

“wha-“ Gil sputtered before Erza interrupted him.

“Hood, I've only known this sunshine child for two minutes, but if anything happens to him, I will kill everyone in this school, and then myself”

“no” you spoke in a stern voice, but a smile was cracking at your lips anyway, dear god, why did she always have to be so dramatic?

Eh whatever, another reason to love her craziness.

“Um thanks, but could you let me go?”

Erza grumbled but after a look from you, she relented and slumped back in her seat.

You rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair, focusing on the teachers droning about Shakespeare.

---end of part 5---

Comment or message me for part 6

#descendants #Descendents #disney descendants #harry hook #descendants harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #dotht #daughter of robin hood #bonding with the boys best friends #and erza is useless lesbian

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vincent-frankenstein · 5 years

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different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it

aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao

so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u

its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half.

putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long

first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.

u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better

secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day.

it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”

try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too.

now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort

whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid

practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training

that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!

my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep.

you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical

i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.

another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control

if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me

so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!

so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid

at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master

thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!

you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.

if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort

but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun

if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work

and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream

so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world

its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!

hm wow i really went ham here lmao

thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn

#me: /spends a full half-hour infodumping abt something most people havent even heard of/#now if only i could remember this much when it comes to schoolwork lmaooooo #ty for the Infodump Permission im !! vibin rn #lowkey highkey this makes me wanna get back into it. . . might do a wbtb tonight...#personal #logan talks #lucid dreaming #Anonymous

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s0mebodyto-love · 6 years

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finsta

a/n: I’m back with a Ben fic to output my emotions about real life things lmao so here you go!! My actual experience ends with the post, so I’m hoping something actually happens lmaoooo. Here’s college!Ben with some childhood friendship and some fluff thrown in too.

WC: 1750

Every Thursday night, the bar right across the street from the bus station hosts a karaoke night, and on many an occasion you find yourself there with your little crew. It’s you, your roommate, and some of the girls you sing with in an on-campus choir for non-music majors. The drinks are cheap and everyone goes to sing and have a good time right before the weekend hits.

The little Irish pub lowers its lights and the prices of drinks, and fills quickly. Bursts of cold air blow through the door as it opens and shuts, regulars going in and out to smoke and college students pouring in.

You and you friends swagger in, wrists donning loose orange paper bands showing that you’re the right age remain inside and order drinks. You get a beer, while the others in your group sip on vodka crans and ciders, and you all commandeer a table towards the raised dining area acting as the stage tonight.

At this specific location, karaoke can be anything. Throughout the night, you see people singing their hearts out to Disney, ABBA, and Fifth Harmony. Anything goes, and everyone is singing everything. It even comes down to a group of nearly thirty-somethings singing “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 29” that leaves you in stitches as you sing along.

However, the song you sing hits a little bit more towards home than you expected.

This week has already been a little bit rough. You’ve been on your period, and you reminded yourself of your on-again-off-again feelings for someone back at home… Ben Jones. You’ve known each other since the earlier days of schooling, back when you were 10 years old and him 11. Over the years, it snuck on you slowly just how much you liked him. Your families get along, and have known each other just as long as you two have.

You don’t talk a lot, and most of that has to do with the fact you go to different universities.

But whenever you’re both home, you find yourselves sitting at a high-top at the local coffee shop or shoved into a tiny booth at a local restaurant to sit, eat, and talk for three hours at a time, at the very least. There’s no one else you’ve ever been able to do anything like this with, and that’s made a large impact on your love life.

Any attempt at a date with anyone else is a comparison to Ben.

So this week, karaoke. Right.

You sang Maroon 5’s “Payphone”, rather poorly but you kicked major ass at the rap (which no one expected), and you got to sing it while an old flame from freshman year was in the room.

“Whatever happened,” you wonder, “to those plans we made for two? A load of bullcrap.”

~*~*~

The crowd tapers off from the pub around 1 AM, as a pair of girls sing Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” and as your crew decides to venture into the cold drizzle to get late-night pizza. At this point, you’re tipsy, two of your friends are drunk, and the last two of your friends are sober.

The pizza parlor is packed with college students leaving other bars in groups of 5-6 and pack into booths with the steam still rising from slices of pizza. Your crew stands in the front and orders, then moves into a similar booth and get to talking about anything and everything.

And you get to talking about Ben, after talking about a different date you went on that was okay but clearly was no comparison to the boy you know from home.

“He’s just… everything I guess? My person?” your rambling begins.

“I don’t know, he’s just always been one of my good friends, he knows my family, he’s known me forever… If I’m still attracted to him after all his bad hair phases, I think that means something?” You bring up pictures on your phone too, trying to make the point that one you two would be so good looking together, and two he’s just so attractive to you and you absolutely have to show that off to anyone who will listen.

“Like, see?” They do.

The conversation moves forward after that, but you’re stuck. As you always have been.

You’re quiet the rest of the night, your thoughts stuck throughout the car ride back to campus.

As soon as you and your roommate walk through the door to your apartment, you book it to your bathroom; no longer shared after one of your other roommates moved out at the end of last semester.

Drunk you pees, then sits on your phone for five minutes, typing away on a caption for the finsta post you know Ben will have access to, but unsure if he’d ever read it.

i know you can see this and i hope i’m making this obvious enough. because here is where im most open, and if i don’t get it out now im afraid i wont. liquid courage. its you. it has been you since i realized i cant spend three hours with anyone else in a starbucks and get away with it. no one compares to you, and no one will. and i get you probably don’t feel the same. but if i don’t say anything i know ill regret it. youre the person i see when im singing all these dumb fucking love songs, and im sorry. and here i am, i guess. im sorry. ignore this, or maybe tell me what you think. im sorry.

You smash period and enter repeatedly so the block of text isn’t the focus of the finsta feed, and post.

It’s like in “We Bought a Zoo”. Twenty seconds of courage, even if it’s the liquid kind.

~*~*~

The next day sees no response from Ben, and you’re not surprised. He’s not on social media often enough, let alone that he’d actually see your drunk post. But you let it be, because you’re almost afraid to know what his response is.

A week passes by, and still nothing. Your friends are wondering about it too, and you have no updates for them.

And you’re too afraid to text him.

Friday night sees you driving four hours home, and mid-drive it appears.

[@yourfinsta] @bennieandthejones has liked your photo

And then, a text.

I think we need to talk. When are you home again?

Your heart pounds, and before you can think about it, you call him.

Within one ring, he picks up.

“Hello?”

“I’m literally driving home right now. I have a busy day tomorrow, but I can squeeze you in at noon-ish. Lunch?” Your voice shakes a little, but then so does his.

“Um, yeah. Okay. Usual place?”

“Yeah, I think this calls for real food and ice cream.”

“Ok, I’ll see you then. And y/n?”

“Yeah?”

He pauses, hesitant and unsure of what he wants to say.

“Nevermind, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hangs up, and your heart starts pounding again. That night at home, your sleep is rough but you make it through.

~*~*~

At 12:03, you arrive at the local diner you and Ben frequent when you catch up. He’s already sitting in a booth, wearing a maroon sweater and dark wash jeans. You slide into the bench opposite him.

“Hey.” You greet him.

“Greet” he says in response. An inside joke, a good start you suppose.

“So… I guess I have some explaining to do?” you ask, and he nods.

“It’s just… I want you to know I don’t want to force you into any of this. I was drunk and when I’m drunk, a lot of my feelings come out whether or not they should. And that’s what happened that night. And you’re stuck in this because of that. I’ve had these feelings on and off for years, which is why I never really pursued it. But recently… I felt those feelings really strongly, especially after I ended up on a date and then I realized that all I really wanted was for it to be you, and not this random grad student I went out with.” You take a deep breath.

“Long story short, I think I’ve liked you longer than I actually know. And not telling you was kind of killing me. Please respond.”

Ben looks at you very seriously, closed fists pressed against his chin and elbows propped up on the table. He takes a minute to think, and the minute starts to feel closer to an hour. He starts speaking slowly.

“Did you know”, he questions, “that I started having feelings for you back in high school? You were dating that kid from the high school in the town over, and I remember feeling this immense jealousy because it should have been me. That never went away, and I remember you two breaking up because college was looming and I knew that starting something wasn’t a good idea. I was leaving too, how could I ask you to start something when I was about to leave? And then you ended up going to school far away and I couldn’t ask you to tie yourself to me when there’s so much to experience. I took what I could get, and that was this. For us. I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows furrow together.

“You have no reason to apologize here, you goof.” You look down at the table, skin flushing slightly. Ben makes his way from his side of the booth to yours and carefully puts one arm around your shoulder, while grasping at your hand with his open one.

“I’m apologizing for not doing this sooner,” he mumbles, gazing at your lips before looking back into your eyes. “Is this okay?”

You nod yes, and verbally confirm.

“I’m good, yeah.” You whisper, leaning in closer towards him. You two are still maintaining eye contact, and your heart is pounding.

He leans in quickly, pressing his lips against yours briefly before pulling away. His lips were softer than you expected, and they were sweet too.

“Still good?” he asks, arm still around you and with no apparent plans to move back to the other side of the booth.

“More than, yeah.” A small smile is on your face, cheeks flushed and slightly bashful. You’ve never been one for PDA, and this was more than enough for you.

“Good. Where does this put us then?”

“Together, I think.”

“I like the sound of that.”

#ben hardy #bohemian rhapsody #borhap cast #queen #roger taylor #joe mazzello #john deacon #rami malek #freddie mercury #gwilym lee #brian may #ben hardy x reader #mia writes

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huangels · 6 years

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i won't let you down - mark

request: Can I request a Mark fluff? I just really need some fluff and maybe some humor too because I’ve been having the worst week. Thank you (◕ᴗ ◕✿)

a/n: aww i hope you’re ok!! and i hope this helps you or cheers you up !?? (also i think i’ve seen this idea in a show or something but i thought it’s cute and funny?) (also pt2 sorry if this pic seems a lil rushed, i tried to write it before my class lol) (also pt3 sorry for any typos or mistakes :p)

summary: The most popular boy in school, Mark, takes interest in you and decides to confess after years of admiration. Though, the way he confesses can use a little more work.

genre: fluff, humor

warnings: none

word count: 2.2k

You fidget around with the metal lock of your school locker while explaining to your best friend about a math assignment for your next class.

"So, you basically just cancel out the x and then add-. Hey! Are you even listening to me?" you say putting your books away into the now opened locker, but see that your best friend is staring at the direction of the entrance of your school. You then notice that everyone else in the hallway is also looking in the same direction. They all seem to be gawking at someone, girls whispering and giggling to each other. Curious, you look as well and see a boy walking down the hall overflowing with confidence, a smirk plastered on his golden face.

"Oh my god, he's gorgeous," you hear a group of girls say, waving at the boy as he strolls past them. He doesn't wave back but shoots them a quick wink before continuing down the hall.

"Y/N! Look at him! Mark is such a god, I swear he gets more and more attractive each day," your best friend blabbers on, shaking your shoulders rapidly. With a "tsk," you brush off her hands but don't respond, taking out your math book before slamming the locker door closed.

Math is near the entrance of the school, which means that you have to walk pass Mark. Without waiting for your friend, you walk towards him, yet avoiding his gaze. Everyone else in the hallway is frozen, you two being the only things in motion. Right as you walk past Mark, you meet his daring brown eyes for a split second. He expects you to stop as he turns toward your direction, but you quickly break the eye contact and continue walking to class.

As can be clearly seen, Mark is the most popular and attractive student in your high school. Although he is really good looking and all, you can't see why everyone fangirls over him as if he is some idol. You don't care much for time-wasting high school relationships or drama anyway. You'd much rather focus on graduating high school, applying for multiple scholarships to your dream university, attending said dream university, so you can just live a wealthy and plentiful life with ease. Though, with this mindset, your friends call you the 'nerd'. You roll your eyes and shake your head free from the thought.

Having math first thing in the morning is always a pain in the butt. You slouch in your seat, hand under your chin, as you stare off into space. The teacher babbles on about derivatives and integrals, but you tune it out, toying with your pencil. Your mind wanders with its freedom from not paying attention to the lecture. For some odd reason, it wanders to Mark, who isn't even in your current class.

Mark and you have been attending the same schools ever since the first grade, along with many other people of course, since you all live in a small town. You do have to admit Mark has grown up beautifully throughout his years you've known him, with curly hazelnut hair, thick eyebrows, large eyes, and chiseled features. It would not come to a shock if Mark actually does become an idol somehow. He does already have what seems like fans surrounding him anyway.

Over the 12 years of school with Mark, you both have crossed paths more than you would like to admit. Mark is always outgoing in a way where he wants to befriend everyone, at least that was what it was like when he was young. During your first few years of school, you and Mark were close friends, but not to the point of hanging out outside of school though. It was after Mark started gaining more friends and becoming popular that you slowly distanced yourself, not wanting to share the spotlight, or even be in it at all. For years, Mark still talks to you, but now in a teasing and sometimes insulting way. It seems as if he became more arrogant with the on growing fans that he has. It annoys you every time he would stop you in the hallways or in class just to point out that your hair is a mess or your school uniform isn't tucked in all the way. It makes you feel uncomfortable and slightly irritated so you try not to cross paths with him in school.

Soon, lunchtime rolls around as you get pulled back into reality, away from your thoughts. You make your way to the end of the lunch line in the large cafeteria, looking over the heads of students to see how long the line is. There are many people already waiting and you question yourself how they got here so quickly. Then, people start lining up behind you as well. The line moves slowly, but eventually, you reach where the food is being distributed.

You grab a plastic tray and start packing the school food onto your platter. Your school, surprisingly, has many varieties of foods to choose from and they don't taste that bad either. Your glad because your stomach grumbles in anticipation of food.

You reach for an apple but see another hand reach for the same apple. Your palm lands on the red fruit first. Both of the hands touch as you look up to see who it is. Mark stares back down at you, his mouth is slightly opened and a dazed expression spread upon his face. You quietly cough, causing him shake his head before retreating his hand from its position on top of yours.

You pick up the apple and place it on his tray as you glance up at Mark, flashing a small smile.

"T-thanks," Mark stutters before you continue forward in the line. I thought he was the almighty most popular guy in school? You silently chuckle, facing the front of the line.

Shortly, you reach the register at the front of the line. You're about to pull out your wallet from your backpack until a hand, that's holding a credit card, reaches past you. The lunch woman hesitantly takes it and swipes before you can say anything, then hands it back to the owner. You whip your head around to find Mark taking back his card and putting it away in his wallet.

A small "Uhh" is all that comes out of your mouth.

"Don't worry about it," Mark coolly remarks before winking. He quickly pays for himself and leaves the line, heading towards the lunch tables. You regain all your senses before bowing your head to the lunch lady and making your way to your own seat, heart rate racing unknowingly.

"Hey Y/N, what's up?" your friend asks as you sit down with a blank expression. You sigh and stretch your arms over your head once you set your tray onto the crowded table filled with different lunch foods.

"Nothing much, boys are just...weird," you answer, plopping a spoonful of macaroni and cheese in your mouth. Your friends 'oooo's' and smirks at you.

"Someone has a crush," one of them sings teasingly, with a wiggle of an eyebrow. You roll your eyes but unconsciously bite your lips.

"No, you douche baguette," you say stuffing more macaroni in your mouth, not wanting to have to further think about it. "I said they're weird, not 'I want to make out with every single one of them'."

Your friends laugh as a couple of them elbow each other with the 'yeah right' face. You kick them under the table and continue with your lunch, ignoring their stupid comments.

As your friends instantly move on from the topic, now chattering about some music artist, you're left quietly eating your lunch, with different thoughts ramming around in your head that you don't quite understand, or want. For some reason, you're curious as to where Mark sits during lunch since you've never paid much attention to him. You look up and scan the school courtyard. All the students are huddled in their own cliques and friends groups. You spot who you assume are Mark's friends, but he isn't with them. He's probably off somewhere flirting with other girls or buying their lunches too, you scoff.

After everyone finishes lunch, the class bell rings. You stop by your locker to grab your textbooks but pause when you see some roses sticking out of the little slit openings on your locker. You look around the hallway with scrunched eyebrows, but everyone else is either walking to class or minding their own business. This is my locker right? I mean I did forget once and tried to open someone else's locker.

You slowly approach your locker, as if someone will pop out and yell, "It's a prank bro!"

Warily, you collect the few roses and examine them. Nothing that seems like it can kill me, that's good...

You let out a short breath before opening your locker. A folded up note lays on top of your textbooks. Your head tilts to the side as you place the roses down to grab the note. It's a simple note, written on a ripped off piece of loose leave paper from some notebook. You unfold it and start reading.

To the beuatiful, Y/N:

Im writing this note to explain to you how I feel (at least Ill try) I am starting to fall for you and it is driving me crazy becuz I cant seem to tell u how I really feel, It might seem weird but you've just caught my eye ever since the begining. Im starting to develope stronge feelings towards you, and I dont know why

I love you're eyes, you're smile, you're hair, and your laugh! When I here your voice my heart skips a beet.

I need to kno how u feel about me? Could you posibbly feel the same towards me? or can this never be? I just want u too be mine. I want to be able too say that ur mine girl. Well now you know that I am secretly falling in love with you. I just wish I could hear those same words from u. Maybe one day I will but until than I guess all I can do is wait. Please, dont make me wait to long!

Love,

Mark :D

You scrunch your eyebrows at all of the errors. This kid...

The late bell rings as you fold back the note before you have any time to criticize it and head to class.

The last class of the day is reading and you guys don't do much in the class. The teacher gives the class 'free time' to do other homework or start reading the book we're assigned to. You try to focus on reading the book, but all that crosses your mind is the confession letter Mark gave you. He seems so cool, how can he look like such dumbass and make so many errors? What does he learn in school? Nothing apparently...

You take out a red pen and start writing on Mark's note.

The final school bell sounds as you pack up your bag and set out to find Mark, folded note in hand. It doesn't take you long to find him since he's waiting for you right outside your classroom door. You almost run into him. Mark flashes a smile before pulling you aside by your wrist, away from the door as students are exiting to go home. He has the biggest look of anticipation on his face, eyes wide and lips spread from side to side. Without saying a word, you hand him back the folded note. He raises an eyebrow but takes it and starts reading. A long sigh escapes his mouth.

"I gave you the most heartfelt and sincere love letter, but you returned it to me with spelling and punctuation corrections?!" he exclaims, looking down at me with an unimpressed expression.

"How heartfelt and sincere is it really if you didn't even proofread," you mock with your arms crossed over the blazer of your school uniform, a smile teasing your lips.

"Well, I wrote it quickly because I had to run to the convenience store down the street to buy roses and I had to put them all in your locker before lunch ended," he explains, face falling for a split second. He averts his attention to the floor, leg bouncing hastily.

A small grin grows on your face as you say, "What do you do in your classes, dummy? You should be paying attention or something. I couldn't take it seriously with all the errors."

Mark bites down on the sides of his cheeks as they hollow out.

"However, I will let you redeem yourself...with a date," you say with a big smile. Mark quickly looks up at you, his face gleams and he smiles brightly.

"I won't let you down!" Mark replies as he jokingly salutes to you.

["Y/N? What are you doing here so early?" Mark asks, opening the front door to his home, still in his baby blue lion pajamas. He rubs his sleepy eyes as the harsh sunrays beam from the opened door. You step in and close it before Mark can further complain about the brightness.

"I'm here to tutor you because you seriously need it."]

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enjwrites · 6 years

Text

red

rating: T for swearing and mild emotional distress

word count: 2155

relationships: enjolras/grantaire

Enjolras tries to drive home. He gets about halfway there before tears well up in his eyes and he has to pull into a corner store’s parking lot. He shuts off his car and rests his head on the steering wheel as he tries to control his breathing.

He calls Combeferre.

“Enjolras? Wh- it’s three in the morning,” Combeferre says on the other line, voice raspy from sleep. “Are you okay?”

Enjolras takes in a deep breath before replying. “We fought.”

Courfeyrac chimes in, a little distant from the phone, it seems, but clear enough. “You two always fight.”

“I’m putting you on speaker,” Combeferre says.

“I know we always fight. We… I…” He takes in another breath, trying to focus on what he’s saying. “We didn’t really fight. I don’t think it was a real fight, anyway. He just…” And he chokes back a sob. His abdomen tightens and twists, though he doesn’t really notice; he can’t stop thinking of the uncertainty showing on Grantaire’s face - the hurt, the insecurity.

“I love him, guys.”

“We know.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Sure he does!” Courfeyrac’s voice lifts a few octaves. “Who else are you willing to get naked around?”

Combeferre shushes Courfeyrac. “Why do you think-”

“Because he... He said he loves me. And I fucking -” a choked sob, “I froze, god, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“So you froze, what’s the big deal -”

“He left, Courf. He got up and ran.” With a look of terror on his face.

“But you were at his apartment?”

“I have no fucking idea where he went, I checked the cafe and the bar, but he doesn’t wanna see me, I fucked it up, he thinks I’m -”

Combeferre shushes Enjolras, now. “Do you think you can come home? I’ll make some hot cocoa, and warm up that cake you liked so much.”

Not much of a phone conversation, Enjolras thinks, but agrees, and does his best to hold back tears as he drives back to the apartment he shares with Combeferre.

Combeferre is waiting with a blanket and a glass of cocoa, with a peppermint candy cane in it, and a place of warm cake on the coffee table.

“I froze,” Enjolras repeats. Combeferre lays a hand on his back comfortingly. Courfeyrac anxiously paces the living room.

“You froze. He ran.”

Enjolras hums. We’ve already been through this.

“He must have thought you were mad,” Combeferre says. His voice is soothingly even, that’s a talent of his - he can always manage to comfort Enjolras. “He jumps to conclusions, you know that. He must think you don’t feel the same -”

“God, I fucked it all up.”

“Try texting him?”

“I’d call him,” Courfeyrac interjects.

Combeferre nods. “Yeah, that, actually. What were you doing when he said it?”

“Cuddling, sort of? On the couch. We watched a movie.”

Enjolras, in all his anxiety, has already finished the cocoa and cake. Combeferre lets Enjolras rest his head on his shoulder. “I don’t think I could call him.”

Courfeyrac decidedly sits next to Enjolras on the couch, rubbing his shoulder sweetly - it’s been a while since Enj has needed this sort of comfort, but they fall into the rhythm quickly. “Enj, love, if I were you,” he sighs, “I’d give him his space. You know how stubborn he is.” Enjolras nods - once, Grantaire said, laughing, “I’m a Taurus, being stubborn is my job.” It was funny at the time. Enjolras can’t laugh, now. “You can text him. Let him know you’re not upset with him, tell him you were just shocked. He probably won’t read them, now, but he’ll read them later.”

Enjolras’s phone buzzes on the coffee table and Combeferre picks it up. “It’s from Bahorel,” He says, relieved, and shows Enjolras the screen.

Bahorel (3:47 AM): grantaire’s being an idiot rn

Another text comes in seconds later.

Bahorel (3:48 AM): listen dude i know he’s overreacting but… (Enjolras then opens his messages to see the full text.) you gotta let him know how you feel. i don’t know what happened but he’s freaking the fuck out

Bahorel (3:48 AM): he keeps saying you don’t love him and i know for damn sure that isn’t true

Bahorel (3:48 AM): just text him or something okay. he’s not mad i think he’s just sad

Bahorel (3:49 AM): luv you xx hope it works out

Enjolras huffs a little, wanting to smile at Bahorel’s instantly-nurturing nature.

You (3:50 AM): I’m going to give him some space, get some sleep. I’ll text him in the morning. Tell him that. I know he probably doesn’t want a text from me right now.

Bahorel (3:50 AM): he may not think he does but he does. he’s starting to pass out so yeah text him in the morning x

Enjolras falls asleep on his couch, and wakes up late. His eyes hurt; they’re swollen, from crying last night. He has a text from almost every one of his friends - he expected this, because Bahorel doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut, neither does Courfeyrac, so between the two of them, everyone had to find out.

Jehan (6:23 AM): I heard what happened. You should text him. I can help you with that.

Marius (7:31 AM): hey i hope ur feeling ok

Cosette (7:46 AM): Call me later we need to talk

Eponine (8:09 AM): i’ll fucking kill you if you don’t patch things up with him i swear to god

Feuilly (9:45 AM): I’m here if you need to talk buddy :(

Bossuet (10:32 AM): Hey r is here he says you hate him? Did you fight? :( Talk to him soon he looks like he’s been crying.

Joly (10:34 AM): Come get your mans we all have work

Musichetta (10:40 AM): I’m taking the boys to work, if R isn’t out of here by the time I get off tonight, you’re getting the death penalty. I love him, but you need to work shit out.

Musichetta (10:41 AM): I love you, too, jsyk. Stop being stupid. Talk to him.

Courf (11:04 AM): hehy i had to leave for work but i will interrogate you on my break you need to talk to r he loves you n so do i you looked so sad. i hope ur feeling better. Gotta go in now love u xx

Combeferre (12:21 PM): You awake? I’m bringing burgers.

1-555-XXX-XXXX (12:42 PM): its gavroche i stole ur number off ponine i heard what happened im on the way to lunch rn so i cant talk but you better fucking talk to him

Gavroche (12:43 PM): u dont wanna get ur ass kicked by a teenager

Enjolras’s eyes water as he reads the next message.

R♥ (12:57 PM): hey sorry about last night. its cool if you wanna like . break up. i thought we were there and i was wrong. im sorry.

He locks his phone and tosses it onto the couch next to him, resting his head in his hands, willing away tears. He feels a warmth and a depression in the couch on the other side; Combeferre comes bearing a cheeseburger and hand-cut fries. “From that gelato place on 6th you like so much. I got gelato, too, but you were still asleep when I got home.”

Enjolras takes the place graciously, and notices that there’s already a cool glass of water on the coffee table for him. Can you be alive and still be made a saint? Enjolras thinks, idly, as he chews. His phone buzzes, and on instinct, he looks down at it.

R♥ (1:17 PM): you there?

R♥ (1:18 PM): i know i fucked up but the silent treatment still kinda sucks

Enjolras sighs deeply and sets his plate on the table, picking up his phone.

You (1:18 PM): Yeah, I’m here. Sorry. I slept late. Give me a minute, to type up what I want to say, okay?

You (1:19 PM): And I’m not mad. You didn’t fuck up.

R♥ (1:20 PM): you can say that but it’s not gonna change my mind.

Another deep sigh, and at that point, Combeferre squeezes Enjolras’s shoulder gently, then stands and goes to his bedroom.

It takes a minute to type it all up. He’s sure his food is getting cold. He doesn’t care.

You (1:31 PM): I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. I froze. I didn’t know what to do, because I’m an idiot, and I’ve never felt anything like this before, it’s new, and I’m not used to not knowing what to do. You know that. So I froze. I fucked up, so badly. You deserve so much more than that. Grantaire, I don’t hate you. I don’t dislike you. I can’t get mad at you, or at least I can’t stay mad, because every time I see your face, I lose my ability to form words, you’re so fucking beautiful in a way I can’t begin to describe. And then you open your stupid mouth and even though you piss me off a lot I can’t be mad that you said anything because your voice is like fucking velvet and you drive me nuts every second you speak because I want to kiss you but that’ll make you stop talking. Please don’t ever stop talking to me. Listening to you talk is like reading the most interesting book in the world; the Library of Alexandria pales in comparison. You always say I’m an angel, but I think you’re confused, you’re so gentle and kind, behind all that sarcasm and bitterness is a sweetheart who just wants to see people smile; I’ve seen the way you are around kids and sometimes that makes me think maybe I want kids, I want kids with you, because you’re so fucking sweet to them it hurts. You’re so fucking talented, I’ve never cared for art or music but yours makes me feel in a way that makes Monet and Bach look like pussies. Just as a note: I can’t tell you what to do, but if you ever cut your hair, I think I’ll die, because you have the most beautiful hair in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life playing with it. Your eyes are so incredible and I know you see me staring sometimes, but you never comment on it, because you’re amazing like that, and I fucking love you, Grantaire.

You (1:32 PM): I love you so fucking much, and I froze, and I hurt you, but I want you to know that I love you.

You (1:32 PM): I don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you.

You (1:32 PM): I love you.

You (1:33 PM): And I’m well aware I’ve just written you a full-length novel. Sorry haha

Enjolras sees Grantaire typing for a second, then the dots disappear. They reappear again, then disappear - this repeats a few times before Enjolras actually gets a message.

R♥ (1:35 PM): holy shit

R♥ (1:35 PM): just

R♥ (1:36 PM): you made me cry you shithead

R♥ (1:36 PM): can you like. come over? Combeferre’s home on his lunch break right

You (1:36 PM): Yeah, let me get dressed, first. Give me, like, half an hour and I’ll be there.

R♥ (1:37 PM): ok

R♥ (1:37 PM): i love you

R♥ (1:37 PM): aaAAA i’m still nervous about saying that!!!!!!!!!!

You (1:38 PM): :’) Cute. I love you too.

R♥ (1:38 PM): !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjolras gets dressed in a rush, throwing on a band tee and those black jeans that Grantaire loves.

He gets to Grantaire’s place in 15 minutes flat.

He doesn’t even really need to knock on the door - Grantaire swings it open and pulls him into the apartment, kissing him fiercely, pushing him against the wall.

Enjolras lays his hands on R’s hips, while R lands one hand on Enjolras’s chest, the other cupping his cheek, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb.

When Grantaire pulls away, he’s panting, his cheeks are rosy and his eyes are watering. He stares up at Enjolras; there’s a heartbreaking uncertainty behind those eyes - he waits for Enjolras to speak. Enjolras rests his forehead against Grantaire’s, taking his hands in his own. Blue eyes meet deep brown, and for a moment, Enjolras is enchanted. Back to business, he thinks.

“Grantaire.” Grantaire hums in response, and holds up on of Enjolras’s hands to kiss his fingers. “I love you.”

There’s a shaky exhale. Then R is pulling Enjolras impossibly tight, burying his head in Enj’s shoulder, quivering as he whispers, “I love you so fucking much.” Enjolras can’t help but smile as he presses a kiss to Grantaire’s neck.

Well, that’s the shortest fight we’ve ever had, Enjolras thinks.

#enjoltaire #enjolras #grantaire #les mis #fanfiction

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differentcollectionpersonaus · 6 years

Text

Getting it out there

I have no idea what to write. I have so many plans and hobbies I want to become good at but its like im chained down with ankle weights. I want to become a writer, I also have a strong passion for art. But in the age of 18 I haven't been drawing as much as I should have so I could actually come as far as to how long I have been drawing. I have also written since I knew my letters. I think its awkward to write in my own language so I stick to English but my vocabulary is unbelievably weak and I try to read books in English but I can't focus on the sentences. I have that problem even if i'm reading Norwegian texts. Its hard. I know I just have to get up and write. For hours. Thats why im sitting here now. I fall in love with what others write and spends hours researching what others have to say about it when i could've used that time to improve myself.

I'm really scared to go out there where they are. I don't even have that much real life friends so how im i gonna make it in the internet? I don't understand anything. My dreams are so big and strong but i just walk on time. I have a lot of it. I'm in my younger years there is no rush. But then suddenly im older. Everything moves to fast and i'm not noticing it. I had the exact same thought four years ago and i still havent done anything. It's sad. I can sit in my bed. Have my laptop open and reading all these wonderful tips and looks at peoples book collections and art and I look up and see the dim light surrounding my desk. It's the perfect time to write, draw or play the piano. But i cant get up to do it. My bookshelf standing there with all my book waiting for me to pick one up and open it. And i don't. What's the point of reading if you can't even catch the words? Suddenly I am three pages in front when I realize I haven't paid attention at all. I try to go back and re-read it but it won't stick. Frustration and anger fills me. “why can't I do what i love so much?” At least what I loved. Now it's just a dark spiral of me standing there with all these directions and nowhere to go.

Still I think this is much better written than the other biography-character thing i tried. This is coming straight from my heart. It pains me that i'm like this. I want to start a small bookstore since no one of the other stores where you can leave your stuff in my area takes in old books anymore. I want to become a great pianist. Not necessarily for the stage but for the joy. The family parties and quiet moments for myself. I want to become an artist. Let others enjoy the pictures I create with my mind and some paper. I want to become a writer to show people my world and thoughts.

All the pressure about school and people telling me what i can't or shouldn't do doesn't help much. But luckily i'm not the one to lose hope. I want to do everything that i want. I'm ready to work for it. But i'm so unbelievably scared. I know I have people around me. That supports me. This is big and important to me. But i don't have any connections. I have no one to ask questions. I'm not the person to ask just freely on the net, even anonymously. I have no idea what i'm doing. I went to a lovely piano school where i learned a whole lot, but had to quit since we didn't have the money for it. Now my keyboard stands in my room collecting dust since i no longer know what I can do. I have tried apps and searched online but it's really hard to keep it up. I got myself a cheap iPad from my birthday money, and its great but i have lost all energy and motivation to pick it up and use it.

I have used a lot of money on my hobbies. Money that's just burning up because I can't control my will. One day that iPad is gonna break. No surprise but then, what did I use it for? Following my dream and doing what I intended in the first place or letting it sit on my desk untouched or just used for looking at the things I wanted to create. What about all the art supplies and pens i have gotten myself saying “this will do the trick” even if i know that it won't. Only I can do the trick only that i don't know how to manage it yet. Even if I do.. I don't really know what's holding me back. I know that if i fuck up. I can delete my account and start over as somebody else. Its easy but still my mark will be set, but even then they may not be able to find me. I know people can easily find me with some posts and a deleted account if they really wanted to. People have done things like that for less of a reason. I guess i just want to become part of something. I try several different things to see where I fit in. All I have ever wanted most in my life is a gang i can call my own. Not that im the boss but just that feeling of being part of something. I have never truly been together like that with anything. I have had friends but never many. Just one close friend at the time and their friends. I got further inn. I was just there because of my one connection to the group. I could call some of them friends but we never hung out together alone. I hate that. I want to be in a group where I can feel close to everyone. I'm really shy and anxious, especially on the net and over messages, but i have worked really hard for this.

I don't know how it got to my personal life but.. That's how writing just straight from your heart is. You never know how its gonna end. I could take this to a nun in some kind of mountain if I wanted to. That's one thing i love about writing. It can take you anywhere, and you don't need to go anywhere. Even better: I can take whoever reads this to my paradise. I can take you to a distant world that is my mind, just with some movements of my hand. I can tell you about a waterfall hidden behind a wall in the mountain and you`ll stand there with me with your own colors and and pictures. You and I cooperate to make one picture. I describe the scene and with your mind you fill in the lines and color the whole thing in whatever you want. I love that. I can help hundreds or maybe thousand create a scene in their head with my words and your minds. I like the sound of that. I know i'm not alone in this, and after sitting here, just spewing out words from inside of myself for the last 45 minutes I have realized that I can't write anything without help. Without people to read my stories there will be no picture. Just some small lines without color or pencil streaks. I know that even if that wasn't the case i still need you to read it, but something about that way of thinking can really boosts someones mind. Of Course I always have a picture of what my lines look like, but that's not the most interesting. I can sit here and speculate for hours of what that picture may look like and you can read that line once and have a clear picture of what it looks like.

I wish i could read better. I haven't manage to color anyones lines for a long time. Even of i keep buying books and hoping that one day I get to read them.It's quite silly and stupid really. I feel weak that I can't pick up anything that I love and continue to work my way up to love it more. I have gotten myself up to school and jobs that i hate when I just want to give it all to stay home and do what really calls my heart but then i get the chance and I don't take it. If i don't start now i may never get it either.

I don't know if I want to post this. I feel weak and ashamed of myself for not doing all the things I should have, but on the other hand maybe someone needs this. They can use my low point to get just a tiny step closer to their high points. It's a quite long post, but if someone actually reads it and find it helpful it will be more than enough for me. I just wrote this to get it out of my system really. It will maybe benefit us both. I have touched a lot of themes and parts of my life and thoughts so I think I will end it here. I feel drained in a good way. I haven't written anything like this in a long time and it was good to finally get it out.

#writing #rant #decisions #writeblr

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book-n-bean · 5 years

Text

What would it be like without tv?

Every night, we put the tv on and watch it until it’s late or we’re too tired to stay up any longer.

Since when did everyone just switch on their tvs at night after dinner and just watch?

What’s it like without the tv? Without the noise? When you have to entertain yourself? Would you spend more time with the people you love, would you read more? Would kids do more homework just to have something to do?

I’m not saying I’m not grateful for technology, I just think it’s so sad to be in this position every night, it’s so empty and boring and sad.

It’s just going to get worse as I get older too. Everyone connected to technology more and more. How long will it take for our world to be made out of technology? We’re already working on trees that glow in the dark to provide light and save electricity?

I don’t know.

Lately I’ve just been feeling like life is so empty and sad and pointless, and maybe that’s me being a little depressed and hopeless; but it’s true. What should we be excited about in life? Our futures? Because our futures are the same as everyone else’s, there’s really not much we’ll do that other people havent. And of course, that doesnt mean we wont enjoy it, i dont know what it means.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me - I FEEL wrong. Like im so much more up in my head than i should be, but i cant figure out how to come back to earth. I cant even remember if this is normal, to spend so much time thinking; even when im talking to people, doing things, i’m in my head. It’s worse when im listening to music, or doing something that doesnt require concentration. Reading is a distraction, and watching things can be a distraction too; but then i feel strange when I stop doing those things. I feel blank and empty like there’s nothing waiting for me beyond the book or the screen. Like the world is so quiet, unturning, people are frozen out in the street where they were walking, smoke comes from the exhaust of cars...but they dont move. And then time just skips, and suddenly it’s a couple of hours later and ive lived and so have the people in the street, the frozen cars are different to the ones before and the light outside the window is different. I know i lived every moment that i seem to have skipped, and i can remember each and every one of those seconds, but it feels like nothing happened in them at all...

I think i need help, but it would be so hard to talk about this. No one would understand, they couldnt help...it’s like that feeling i used to get, where it felt like my cells were freezing, through my chest into my left arm, into my palm. It felt like my blood was freezing, and it hurt. It would throb through me, some kind of icy breeze, and then it would linger...then disappear. My counsellor didnt understand that, i cant remember what she said; but im sure i would have remembered if it had been useful or interesting/important.

What do i do? I feel like ive got so many problems, but maybe im not looking at the big picture. Maybe i’m looking at every individual problem as it hits me and they just keep banking up as i fail to immediately solve them. That’s another question though, how far do they bank up? Have i actually been solving any of my problems, or have i just been side-stepping them and saying “good enough”?

I know i need help...maybe, and maybe i want help...but how do i get it? Therapy has never helped me before, ive always been better off working things out on my own, talking to my mum about things to get them off my chest and then doing the rest on my own. Who do i get help from? What would it cost? I could go to a school therapist, but i’d have to skip class for that, it would get weird. I dont want to skip class - that would stress me out. And last time, the school counsellor didnt help, but then again, i cant remember having big problems the last time i went...i think i’d been dating james for 2 months when i went to her; that’s such a long time ago, around about now.

Maybe this is normal...it’s just being a teenager, right? I dont want to worry my mum either, im okay, im dealing with it; even if that means struggling...as long as im just dealing with it. Im trying to focus on music, i know i should be trying to focus on school but im not interested right now. School feels empty too, i go to a building, entertain myself on the bus twice a day, talk to people i call friends, sit through six classes and take notes, pretend to/actually listen, crush on people who dont notice me, and then i go home and do it all again the next day. For what? An education, to be social; whatever. See what i mean? Everything feels pointless.

Even my possibilities seem close-ended; my endless possibilities. Breaking up with James was meant to make me feel open, see all the options out there. It doesnt feel like that. Sometimes i get a flash of that feeling, realising that there are so many people to love in the world and I could probably have a lot of them...but that door is as closed as ever because of my crush on the boy who’s taken; my heart is already dedicated to him...and he’s going to have to break it. I dont want him to, but if im going to move on, he’ll have to break my heart first. Maybe it’ll be indirect, maybe i’ll do it for him, telling myself he’ll never notice me, that im not like her and she’s better than me, the simple fact that it probably means nothing when he looks at me, oh and the lack of him noticing me. Yea sure, we text a lot occasionally, when i start the conversation, we tease each other and joke, but at the end of the day, what does it really mean? Anything? I dont know.

That’s the answer to all of my questions: I don’t know.

I’m not going to get help, not yet. At least I know I’m not depressed, something’s wrong but it’s not that. Luckily, I’m not suicidal, and I don’t want to self-harm; I tried that. In the shower, with the shaving razor, two little red lines, running blood, the sting, it didnt feel good, it didnt help; and I regretted it, I wanted it to go away. I won’t be trying that again, at least not for a while.

I just don’t understand, when did this all happen? And why? What started it - and how do I stop it? Melbourne Music Tour was perfect, I felt alive again, life felt electric and full, lovely and full of opportunities, friendship, warmth; experience. It was 7 days. I had seven days of life. It has been almost 7 days since. I have had seven days of emptiness. I could say it’s a cycle, but it’s not. It was a long, flat line of nothing, and then a 7 day blip, a promising little heartbeat...the world has gone flat again.

I’m kind of getting sad writing this, negativity and all. And it’s not helping, I feel the same, fuzzy head, tired, bored, it’s late (11:07pm, so not really that late for me, but im still tired). Im surprised about how much ive written though, how all of this is just flowing and ive just been letting it all out; ive barely stopped.

Maybe i am a little depressed, sadness comes easily. I do feel sad, deep down, it hurts. And when i do feel sad I know it’s deep, it’s the kind of sadness that opens a ravine in your chest and makes you want to hug something close to you, tight, to close the gap, make it feel better; to have something to hold onto while you’re being ripped apart from the inside out; and when you have no one that’s a little hard to do.

I want to tell myself that I’ll be okay, the thought lingered in my head, but I don’t feel like I will be right now. Im not interested...in life? I dont want to die, i just dont feel interested in doing anything im doing, not really. Even my hobbies are all dropping away. What are my hobbies? I spent one day writing in the holidays and i havent since. I read a bit...but its not very fun. I havent painted anything for months, watching Glee is a good distraction, but its more a way to pass the time than a way to entertain myself. Music is my only real hobby, i enjoy it, i love playing guitar, feeling the song, learning piano, looking at sheet music, recording my voice memos on my phone; if anything can get me through, it’s music. Maybe that’s the way out. I’m planning on buying a proper microphone, to record myself and sing into and...ive been thinking about starting a youtube channel, to have somewhere to put all of the voice memos i record. Maybe people will like it, maybe i’ll like it. It feels like the only step, in any direction, that im planning on taking in my life right now; everything else seems blurred and slow motion, walled-off. Music seems like a road to follow...

I dont know how to end this, i dont know what to say at all. I feel like there’s a lot more to say, but i know ive already said a lot, and i also know that theres nothing else materialising in my head right now; just the distant feel of thoughts. Im scared as well, we just watched a movie, there were dead people in it, it was gory, scary; i didnt like it. So now im paranoid and scared. I’ll go sit in my room, against my headboard, with the wall next to me; it feels safe there.

Maybe i really do need help - i sound insane. Im not, im just going through stuff...maybe i’ll end up talking to mum about it, but for now im going to take the weekend to chill.

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whatsonforperth · 5 years

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8 THINGS I LOVED IN FEBRUARY

The shortest month of the year was always going to feel like it went fast! But here are the eight things that I loved in Feb.

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8 THINGS I LOVED IN FEBRUARY Ah, the shortest month of the year. February always feels like a trick somehow, as I miss those extra days. Its all in my head probably, but as my schedule for March is looking full up to the last week already, I cant help but think that its thanks to those missing days the month before. Last month, I talked about the time off I had to begin the year, which if you missed it, can be found back here. Of course, taking time off tends to mean that the weeks before and after are pretty full to preempt and play catch up. Such was the case (mostly) for me this month. Without further ado the eight things I loved in February. THE GYM: Okay, so, while this was on my list last month too, during February I have hit more of a stride with my workout routine. Ive been making it to the gym on average four times a week with an extra two days working out at home. The natural progression has meant I am overall feeling stronger again plus more body confident. Rather than just work on HIIT or strength training Ive been making sure to include more cardio focus and doing longer cardio. This is, in turn, helping me to break up my days usually spent at my desk (aka sitting too long). Plus Ive been mostly finding myself more exhausted and better able to sleep. THE BEAUTY CHEF COOKBOOK: Ive used the Beauty Chef Glow Powder for years. While I have just run out of it again, it always helps balance out my gut health. Last year I also had the pleasure of meeting Carla Oates, the beauty chef herself which prompted me to order her cookbook. Fast forward a few months where Id only cooked a couple of the recipes. Classic! This month, both Mario and I sat down to each read the intro and began to cook more from the book. Actually, Mario has made a lot of incredible meals during February and gotten more fermented things going in our kitchen. Its been so good for both of us to be on the same page in relation to the way we want to eat. Not just me trying to force feed him salads every day, or Mario force feed me carb or meat dishes. Coming to a balance and incorporating more biofermented foods is slowly making a big difference.

BEAUTY: I have SOOOO many new beauty products I am excited to share with you. I said last month Id just filmed a lengthy video going through them but I am so annoyed with the sound quality that I am going to have to re-film after I buy a directional mic. Next time I will break it up a bit more- either into skin /hair/makeup or simply Sephora and Mecca buys videos. Shorter is better! Off the top of my head, or in front of me on my desk, I am obsessed with the Jo Malone London Bronze Wood & Leather Cologne and the Gifted Amazonian Clay Mascara from Tarte. Actually, and the Tarte Amazonian Clay 12 Hour Blush. So good! READING: Im ultimately covering a bunch of the same topics here in my favourites as I did last month, but to be honest, most of the time I am slowly making my way through variations of key things that work for me. Reading is one of them. This month I read Wundersmith the second novel in the Nevermoor kids fantasy book series by Jessica Townsend. Last year I had my friend Chloe come to stay with us who gifted me a signed copy of the first book. Jessica is one of her oldest friends so I was excited to read it. While the series is too young for me, its been nice to escape into a fantasy book at the end of the night and not think about what I have to do the next day. Ive also been gifting the books to kids we know in the right age group. Now Im onto reading The Princess Bride at last after watching the movie again recently. I love it!

ARM PARTY At least, I think you still call it an arm party! What I am talking about is layering various gold bangles, bracelets, and chains. Ive just been lucky to get in two beautiful new additions (this one and this one) from my favourites at Astley Clarke. These arrived yesterday so I will shoot pics to share later this week. I just love having these layers as a little something extra, given I largely wear a pretty basic tee and jeans or tee and skirt outfits. BEADED BAGS Well, as you might have seen, I dedicated a whole blog post to my love of beaded bags, so check it out here. It had to make my February loves list! CHECK PRINTS I am still loving check prints, so there is really nothing new there. Yesterday I just ordered two new check print pieces from the Shopbop sale (my breakdown of the best of sale is up here now). Naturally, I cannot wait for them to arrive and get shooting some pics! Already I am planning how Ill style them for the upcoming seasons. Stay tuned. BEING ORGANISED Since Ive been home all month, it has felt so good to be back into a daily routine and being organised. It has meant I know what projects I am working on when, the deadlines, publishing dates and have easily scheduled around that. What does this mean overall? The more planned I am, the better I am able to create stories that arent all the same and ultimately can inspire you guys. And thats enough from me this month. I hope you all had a great February. Please leave me a comment with something you loved this month below. Looking forward to reading them! Oh and any requests for March? Beauty looks? Outfits styles? Open to requests!

Turn on your JavaScript to view content WEARING: BOHEMIAN TRADERS BLOUSE ALSO COMES IN BLACK OR CHECK PRINT SCADA AUSTRALIA NECKLACES AND EARRINGS BOHEMIAN TRADERS JEANSFollow FOLLOW VIA BLOGLOVIN PHOTOGRAPHED BY:MARIO RECCHIA JOIN MEIN MY PINTEREST OBSESSIONHERE http://www.inspiringwit.com/loved-february/

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cafffeinations · 7 years

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It’s amelietweek! \o/ Here’s something for the day 4 prompt College/University AU. It also features Estonia as Lithuania’s room mate, and has mentions of Canada (I think Himaruya put Estonia’s ‘human age’ as younger than America, but here he’s older, like Lithuania). Its ~2,400 words and can be read on AO3 here

Somehow Alfred not being there is just as distracting as when he is, but Eduard is oh so fortunately around to inform him why.

---

Seeing as Alfred isn't around, there's really no excuse why Toris isn't getting on with any work. Without the stories about his day or the new people he always seems to be meeting, explanations about whatever new thing he's into that week and just his exuberant presence in general, it's a much quieter and study-friendly Tuesday evening than Toris usually has.

Yet whenever he tries to focus on the paragraphs before him, the blinking cursor reminding him how unfinished they are, his eyes manage to glance of their own accord back to the clock at the bottom of the screen. He's usually here by now, the thought cycle begins, I wonder what he's up to?

But as the more rational part of his mind points out, there's no real reason for him to be here; just because he usually comes by doesn't mean he has to.

That should be the end of it, but he just cant help but imagine where he is, be it eating with friends or out running or maybe even studying - unlikely, he smiles wryly to himself, remembering how Alfred had proclaimed that he's 'better off' cramming before finals or he'll just forget everything. Toris had questioned if that really was so wise, to which Alfred had stuck out his tongue, making such a silly face that he'd laughed and -

His word count still has not gone up.

With a sigh he leans back and stretches his arms and shoulders, mentally berating himself, just as Eduard comes through the door.

"Hey," he greets, sliding his backpack onto the bed on his side of the room, "that doesn't look so promising."

"Yeah, I'm not having the most productive time," Toris replies ruefully, trying not to calculate the days and hours until the one of his many deadlines.

"Well don't worry, you'll manage. You always get it done," Eduard reassures him, and he smiles gratefully, at least until he continues, "especially as it seems our resident freshman isn't around for once to distract you."

"Oh, don't be mean," Toris resists the urge to roll his eyes, a vague idea of where Eduard is headed, "he doesn't come here that much."

"If you say so," Eduard says in a tone that clearly doesn't believe him.

"Its only on Tuesdays when he has a late class over here," Toris bites against his better judgement, referring to the computer suite they live near, "and some Wednesdays if he has time to kill before baseball practice...and maybe on Fridays because of that burger stand he likes." (It was, according to Alfred himself, the best he'd had since moving from home).

"Hmm. How convenient."

"Plus he thinks that he can get your help with his coding or whatever it is you computer guys do!"

"He wishes! That was a one time deal and he knows it." Tutting, he boots his computer up (but Toris knows that as much as Eduard grumbles about Alfred, he finds him nice enough or he wouldn't put up with him coming over at all). "No, it's not me he treks over here for."

There's an emphasis there that he can't help himself but address. "I know what you're saying, and stop it. We just get along well, that's all."

"I'm not saying anything."

"You are," he grumbles.

"Well it's not my fault he's got a major crush on you, is it? I'm just pointing out the obvious. Yes, it's obvious," he interrupts before Toris can say otherwise, "and you like him back, or you'd be busy working instead of sat there looking at the time."

"I wasn't- I was just- reading and planning what to write!" he protests, lying, and wondering not for the first time how Eduard manages to pick up on things he'd really rather he didn't.

"Very convincing," he says dryly.

As if to make a point Toris turns back to his screen, but he's not reading anything at all.

It's not exactly something he's never thought about, but he hadn't realised that it was so obvious. Or maybe Eduard was just too perceptive for his own good - he hoped that was the case.

"I don't think Alfred swings that way anyway," he says after a while, not quite as casually as he intended, but luckily Eduard is rifling through a pile of notes, not seeing his faint blush.

"You'll never know if you don't try," he shrugs, "You should just ask him. If you can get a word in against all the nonsense he chats, anyway."

Alfred did talk a lot, yes, but Toris enjoys it so long as he can keep up with the tangents that he sometimes flies into. And it wasn't all nonsense - if you really listened, there was more to him than just loudness and energy.

This was particularly apparent when they were alone. Then, it wasn't unusual for him to talk in, well how could he put it...just a different kind of way, one that led Toris to discover this more rounded side of him. Not that he meant Alfred was a superficial person or anything - really he was pretty damn genuine to all - but just that being on the go as much as he was, and as breezily as he interacted with so many people, he didn't think many (if any) got to see the depths that he did.

And maybe this wasn't all that unique, because wasn't everyone the same? Not many share their deeper thoughts with everyone in everyday conversation now, do they?

But the fact that Alfred could sit on his bed and come out with all sorts of things to him, made him feel kind of special. He'd learnt for example that Alfred jokes to people about math being the end of him, but he doesn't like admitting he'd been close to not making it to college at all until he'd taken extra tutoring; he knows that Alfred has a twin brother who he has little in common with but still 'actually kind of misses', and wishes they were closer; he knows as well that he's got some sort of hang-up about missing out on things and that's why he likes to get involved in so much.

If Toris is a bit like his confidant then he's fine with being there for him, and it doesn't mean Alfred likes him, just that they feel comfortable around each other. That's what he gets most from Alfred, he suspects; a lingering feeling of lightness, his fun and carefree manner a refreshing break from himself and the stresses he gets himself tangled up in.

Does that mean he wants more than just, hanging out though? The idea of going there, closing that distance between them when they're sat together, is far (far) from unappealing, but feelings get so messy, and...well, he should be focusing on the reason why he's here in the first place. To study, and the grades sure aren't going to achieve themselves.

---

Its just as he's about to pull on his pyjamas, having managed a to-do list for tomorrow's study if not ticked any more off that night, that his phone buzzes, twice in quick succession.

There aren't that many people who message him, and sure enough its the culprit of his earlier distraction.

Hey im so sorry i didnt come over today!! blame my mom, she said she had important news and to skype her ASAP so i ran back and all it was is that shes selling the house!!

which is still important lol but i was freaking out so much thinking it was something bad! sorry

He can feel a smile creeping onto his face before he's even halfway through reading, so very much like Alfred it is to sound lively even in text. The fact that he's being thought about too may have contributed to that smile, but he means it when he replies,

You dont have to apologize! You can't ignore moms when they say its important haha. That sounds exciting!

He's barely set the phone down when it buzzes again, but this time its a call - for some reason, this makes him nervous, but before he can over-think he hits answer, grabs his key and slips out of the room so Eduard can't eavesdrop when he comes out the shower.

"Hello?"

"Hey, its me, can you talk?"

"Yeah," he says and pads past other rooms along the hall to sit out on the top step of the flight of stairs. "How are you?"

"I'm good, now!" America chirps down the phone, "Can you believe it though? She could've phrased it in a much better way, she had me so worried!"

"That's true!" Though he could also imagine Alfred doing the same, impulsively sending a message before thinking it through, "Its really fine though!"

"Yeah? You didn't miss me too much?"

Obviously Toris can't see his face, but he can picture the cheesy and slightly cocky grin all the same.

"Not much," he teases, "I have Ed for company, after all."

"Pssh, I'm much better company than he is! That guy still won't help me with my paper," he grumbles, to which Toris chuckles.

"So you're moving home then?"

"Oh yeah - well to be honest its not even a shock, before we even went to college Mom was making plans to downsize. Just means there wont be as much space to move back so no pressure for finding a job at the end, right!" He laughs loud, in somewhat contradiction to what he's just said, and Toris hopes Alfred's room mate is out or at least not trying to sleep.

"You've got a couple of years to think about that yet," he says, "there'll be room for you to stay for vacations still, right?"

"Yeah, better be. Me and Matt have already said there has to be unless she wants us fighting over who's gonna sleep on the floor!"

"You spoke to him too?"

"Mm!" he imagines Alfred is nodding, "Actually I've been on skype to him most of the night. Its been a while since we talked, you know?"

"Yeah. How is he?"

"Really good! Buried in books he says, but doing okay. He's found a group of hockey nerds so he's been getting crazy with them 'til now I'm sure."

Toris thinks he means this in an affectionate way, considering how he says that he misses the guy, but his flip-flopping in how kindly he describes his brother isn't all that new a phenomenon.

"I think college is suiting him good. I tried to ask about all the girls in those pictures with him on Facebook and he went all red and told me to mind my own business! So he must be doing well, right!" he laughs again and Toris can’t help but smile too.

"You'll have to get some of his secrets," he teases, expecting Alfred to take it in his stride.

"Yeah, maybe," he sighs, and there's a pause; not sad, just there, and for a second Toris remembers his earlier conversation with Eduard, and whether Alfred likes...

He decides against going there now.

"It's nice you're catching up."

"Yeah. I told him he should visit sometime soon. Hopefully he won't be too mad that not many people know I have a twin, ha ha...but you two would get along well I think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh, you're both kinda quiet. And you put up with me! Actually, Matt said that-"

He waits for the rest, but instead he gets, "actually, nevermind. How was your day?"

"Um, it was fine but hey I'm curious now!" Toris answered, unsure as to what it could be.

"Nah, it's nothing. I'll tell you next time I see you. I have to go to a group project before practice tomorrow but hopefully soon?"

"Yeah, sure," Toris replies, "I don't go far!" (which except from the library, was sadly true).

"Cool. Ok, well, goodnight!"

"Night Alfred," he says, and waits for him to hang up. After a few seconds he does, but something about the abrupt end and change of track is nagging at him. It's uncharacteristic of Alfred to be hesitant, but of course he's fully entitled to his privacy. He'll just have to wait and see if he does elaborate later.

He's about to get up when his phone vibrates again, making him jump.

"Hello?"

"Ok so I'm sorry if this weird but basically he said I talked about you so much he couldn't wait to meet you and he was glad that I'd found someone, and I was like what are you talking about and he was like - okay you don't need all of that, and um, do you know what I'm getting at here?"

He talks so fast it takes Toris' mind takes a while to catch up with his ears, and a few moments on top of that to fully process just what he's said.

"I, think I might," he says slowly, butterflies in his stomach.

"Do I? Come across like, I you know... like you."

He wonders what the best answer would be, and truth be told doesn't really know.

"I think only you can answer that," he says softly, and wishes he was there with Alfred now, to reassure the likely puzzled frown furrowed on his face. "For the record though, its not weird."

"It's not?"

"No, it's - it's fine. It's more than fine, actually," and he waits with bated breath for a response.

"Cool," Alfred says, which may not sound like much but he knows, he can just tell, that means he’s happy.

"Listen-," he starts at the same time as Alfred says "So-"; they laugh, nervously but happily, and he lets Alfred continue.

"I've got some stuff to figure out, about this," he says, "but I think you can help. Are you free on Friday?"

"Yes."

"Do you wanna go for a drink? Like, a proper drink. A date drink."

"That would be great," he says, beaming, and he really means it.

---

The next morning as he's about to head to the library, Eduard says, "I don't want to say I told you so, but, I told you so."

"What do you mean?" Toris says as innocently as possible, feigning ignorance.

"Funnily enough, given your denial, something's happened between you and him."

Toris exhales into an exasperated laugh. "I haven't even said anything! How can you possibly know?!"

"You've practically been smiling ever since you woke up."

And throughout the day, whenever he thinks about Friday, it's hard to stop.

#i have trouble writing short drabbles haha like my day 1 piece has ended up a bit of a jumble...im working on it #i got distracted by college/uni au...idk why i like them so much!#ameliet #amelietweek #stuff by me #aph america #aph lithuania #my fanfic

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spongeekat · 6 years

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The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 2

read on ao3

Masterlist Here

As always, HUGE thank you to my beta reader @alurkerofnote who was super patient during my busy ass weekend!

Day 2- Monday

“Peter?”

“Five more minutes, May…”

“Peter, dude, your phone won’t stop buzzing and the professor is getting annoyed.”

Professor? Shit.

Peter shot instantly awake, the blurry image of Mary Jane’s fire red hair permeating his sleep-heavy eyes. He gingerly picked his sore body up until he was sitting up, wiping the moisture that had gathered on his forehead away. As promised, the professor was making direct eye contact with him while she continued to speak, and her finger pointed sharply at Peter’s cell sitting on the edge of his desk. Sheepishly, he retrieved it and mouthed an apology. His thumbs drug the notification screen down, finding a few texts from an unknown number. He absently tried to listen to the lecture, but he must have slept through quite a few key concepts, because he had no idea what was being discussed. Well, just another night he’d have to spend teaching himself from the textbook.

Curiously he swiped until he arrived at his texting app, and the harassment he was receiving suddenly made sense.

hey petey-pie checkin in since u didnt message me

luv dp

u getting these???????? is this a fake number?

pls tell me u didnt die.

hellooooooooooooooo

im gonna sing until you answer

since uve been gone i been lost without a trace

i dream at night only i can see ur face

i look around but its u i cant replace

i feel so cold and i long 4 ur embrace

i keep cryin baby BABY PLEASE

OH CANT U SEEEEEEE

holy fuck balls this dude wont put down his gun ill finish the song later but pleeaaaaseee text me back <3 or ill come over

That last text was sent 3 minutes ago, and Peter could only imagine his poor next door neighbors’ faces if Deadpool decided to show up at their door. He hurriedly typed up a reply before that chance even came close to becoming reality, trying to ignore the romantic connotations of the song.

Sorry. In class. I’m doing fine. Not dead. Please don’t stop by. I live next to an elderly Hispanic woman that would have a heart attack if she saw you.

There was a uniform page turn in the rows surrounding him, and he took that as his cue to flip the page in his book. Wade hadn’t responded yet, and Peter briefly considered dipping out of school to make sure Mrs. Moreno wasn’t calling the police if Wade really had decided to show up.

i was calling my ride but im glad to hear back from u

do u need anything??

warm milk, a big hug, an xbox one?

“Who are you texting? You look like a dork.”

Mary Jane’s whispers distracted Peter from his stupor, and he realized then he had a grin tugging at his lips that had only appeared upon reading his texts. He wiped the stupid look from his face and sucked in a breath to give a well-thought out reply. “No one.”

“Ah.” The redhead pressed the tip of her pen against her rosy lips, giving Peter a knowing smile that had heat crawling up his neck. “A guy?”

“Oh my god, MJ, it’s not like that. I’m just on an app.” Peter whispered back more insistently, flipping his phone over on the desk. “Just funny pictures.”

“Mhmmm.” Mary Jane’s hum was too insincere, and it was clear she wasn’t about to let this go. “Well, you should get back to your ‘funny pictures’ before they disappear.”

“I will.” Peter murmured and swiped his phone from the desk, tucking it back under the edge of the desk. His eyes read over Wade’s texts a few more times, a few different responses dancing on his fingertips, before he finally decided to type.

I’ll be fine. Thanks for checking in.

In truth, these past few weeks had been brutal. Between tensions building in the city, accompanied by the rise of crime, and the press being hot on his ass every time he missed an opportunity to bring someone in to justice, he had been missing sleep and stressing harder about trying to become a more efficient hero in the city. The meal that Wade had forced on him was the first time he’d even touched real food in almost 2 weeks. Being pressured to have a ‘night-in’ had taken quite a lot of stress off of Peter’s shoulders for at least a day, but it also meant his body realized he was willing to let it rest for a little bit and was fighting him to try to catch up on more sleep. While the night before had been completely humiliating, it had been relaxing to be taken care of. For a little bit he and Wade had acted like more than a set of heroes, and the memory of his kindness was still burning hot in his mind.

But he wouldn’t let this go on for longer than a day. It was wrong to lie to him, even if it felt this good to pretend.

----

Being Spider-Man was simultaneously the biggest stressor and most freeing part of Peter’s day.

Saving lives and stopping crimes ranging from petty car thieves to mutant bank robbers was difficult. Balancing two lives that intermingled more often than Peter would have liked was even more difficult, often lying to the people he cared about the most just to keep them safe. It was hard navigating the grey-area between morally just and lawfully sound, and there were multiple occasions in which he felt like a criminal running from police after just busting a potential felon doing potentially bad things. He operated more along the lines of a vigilante than a hero in most cases, and it took a severe toll on his mental health. Especially lately, when the city seemed to be getting more dangerous as the presence of superpowered people increased, he had been slandered in media every which direction. Even Mary Jane praising his decisions had stopped helping. He felt like he was starting to become completely alone in the heroing thing.

And then there were the nights he was over the moon with ecstasy; adrenaline buzzing low in his ears, wind rushing up the corners of his mask and breezing over his lips, his webs snapping out from his wrists and catching his fall in perfect rhythm so he soared through the low city buildings like a bullet, his worries and stress melting off every second he spent in the air. Peter’s own personal drama and angst seemed to matter less when his focus was on helping others. No matter what was happening in his own life, he left it on the sill of his bedroom window. When he was out on the streets he was Spider-Man, not a kid struggling to keep his head above water. He had strength, allies, and a will to do good. Grades and sleep felt way less important than his obligation to New York.

Still, there were slip ups. Sometimes his lives intermingled uncomfortably close and he was left covering for both of his personas.

Peter didn’t expect Deadpool to be at this fight. His fists were preoccupied knocking a goon on his ass when the sharp zing of sharpened metal cut close to his ear. His spidey senses hadn’t gone off, warning him of the impending sword, and when he jut his chin back to check who was behind him, he knew why. They never went off when he was around Wade anymore, because he wasn’t in danger around him.

That didn’t stop the anxiety that flooded his chest cavity a second later, however. He had gotten close to making a smartass comment so they could commence their banter that took place during every fight, when the memory of who he was under the mask- who Wade was now acquainted with- hit him hard.

Shit.

“You weren’t planning to keep a good fight like this from bad ol’ me, were you? Spidey, I’m shocked!” Wade greeted as he kicked back one of the men running at him with a bat, slicing the object in two. He’d gotten pretty good at the injuring and the take-downs without the actual murder. Peter grunted in response, maintaining his focus on jabbing, webbing, and jumping out of the way when his instincts called for it. “And here I was, hoping I’d see that tight butt come swinging past me tonight.”

“Not now.” Peter muttered, ducking just in time to miss getting his skull bashed in by a dude with a crowbar. Why crowbars? Why were henchmen so obsessed with their crowbars?

“Aww, okay, I see. You’re mad at me. Was it for ditching you last night? Because I swear, I was doing good! See, there was this kid about to do a triple flip face plant into the asphalt behind my apartment, and I really wanted to make sure he was okay, ‘cause he was alone and it was late and stuff, and-”

“Can you not talk for like, a second?” Peter didn’t mean to use such an aggressive tone, especially not on Wade who deserved it the least, but hearing Wade talk about him to him when he didn’t even mean to… it was making his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He slammed his knuckles into the jaw of one of the larger men surrounding him, receiving a crack in return. Oof, that would leave a bruise.

“Oooookay, Spider-ooni. I’ll let you focus.” Wade forfeited easily, catching a heavily swung and splintering 2 x 4 with his forearm.

Peter released a satisfied sigh that he didn’t really mean, his lean body hopping out of the way of a kick to the side before he shot a web at the attacker’s face.

---

The fight only lasted another few minutes. The goons, that had decided to test their pride rather than flee the scuffle they were at a clear disadvantage in, ended up face-down on the pavement, hands bound in web-handcuffs, and with a few broken noses or crooked arms scattered among them. Peter had been a bit too forceful tonight, he could admit, but it had been hard enough to focus on reeling in his strength when there was someone else on his brain.

And then said man had showed up and blew his head right open.

They were currently kicked back on a vacant apartment balcony, Peter sitting on the rails while Wade stood a few feet away but very much present, pulling off his gloves to assess the extent of the blood stains on his armor. It was chilly, and Peter knew he’d have to head home soon, but he couldn’t really deny Wade’s invitation to hang out for a little bit after all he had done for him the night before.

Even if Wade didn’t know he was the same kid he’d been ‘saving.’.

“Soooo…” Wade cut into his thoughts, his voice drawing Peter’s attention back to the surface. He glanced over at his fighting partner, surprised to see his face aiming off somewhere else. Wade acting timid was an odd sight. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Peter’s stomach churned and he blinked, even if the action was hidden by lenses. “Yeah?” No. “Why?”

“You’ve been acting funny, that's all.” Wade shrugged, and tucked his arms up against the balcony to lean on the rails. “You avoided me like all last week.”

“What? No I didn’t.” Peter said defensively, confusion clear in his voice. He had been making his plans for days, and sure, that may have lead to him feeling too awkward to really hang around Wade, but they just hadn’t seen each other that was all.

He hadn’t made an effort to find him until that night, though, either.

Wade paused, as if he was thinking of responding but decided against it, before his tone changed and he seemed to drop it all together. “Well, it’s okay, I did a lil’ heroing on my own anyways.”

“Oh really?” Peter asked with awkward amusement, tucking his ankles between the vertical railings to keep his balance a little better.

“Yup. I stopped a kid from killing himself and I’ve been checking up on him every day. I figured you’d be proud of me since you like all that righteous stuff.”

“So you only did it to impress me?” Peter asked flatly.

“What? No no no, Spidey, I did it because I didn’t wanna watch another good person die alone. Plus, if he was like bad or something I wasn’t gonna try very hard, but he was really hot- which I know, is totally shitty to think since he was getting ready to dive, but he just seemed like a depressed nerd and I guess that might kinda be my type. Actually, that’s not entirely true, because I like when someone can make me laugh, and long walks on the beach, and...”

Peter felt a tinge of jealousy in his stomach at his description of the boy he’d saved, which was ridiculous, considering it was him. He tuned out of Wade’s ramblings and squeezed tighter onto the railing, feeling the metal bending under his fingers. Maybe it was better to keep his identities secret. After all, Wade seemed so proud of himself for ‘helping’ Peter. Was it worth taking that away? He could just avoid Wade in his personal life. The man would give up if he realized his efforts weren’t being reciprocated and Peter stopped serving as entertainment.

That’s probably all he was. Charity fused with an audience.

“...But I guess that’s why I dated that crazy chick two years ago. She had a super cute face but she was also obsessed with ending the patriarchy and killing men. I think she stabbed me a few times in my sleep, too. But I guess crazy and crazy make a great match. Even if we ended pretty badly.”

“I think I’m gonna head back.” Peter announced, tucking his toes underneath himself until he was stood on the fence. Wade straightened, looking up at him inquisitively from the balcony floor. “I have an early morning.”

“We’ll meet up tomorrow night, though, right?” Wade asked hopefully.

“We’ll see.” Peter murmured, before he shot web fibers off into the dark and took off with a leap.

#spideypool #spiderman #deadpool #fanfic #spideypool fanfic #marvel #spideypool big bang 2018

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hellish-summoner · 6 years

Text

She Who is Bound to Silence

Heca isn’t too sure about how to feel about this Corrin she summoned.

On one hand, she looks like Crescent, the Corrin she had already befriended, just with a different outfit fit for a songstress.

On the other hand, she hasn’t heard a single word from the dragon, and she has such a sad look in her eyes.

Instead of trying to dig for information, Heca decides to give the golden dragon some space, makes sure she has a comfortable room to retreat to. Even then, no one can get the Corrin to say a word, and when they get her to write instead, she writes few words, sticking to basic things, like asking for tactics or for directions to places.

After a couple of weeks of this, Heca finds a lone mask sitting outside in the gardens many heroes relax in, close to a pond, likely accidentally forgotten earlier in the day when she called all of her heroes for a meeting to discuss how to defeat the King of Muspell. The Manakete looked over the mask, noting that it was of a fox, and was painted a deep blue with gold and white details.

“This.....is likely missed; but whose mask is this? No one here wears a fox mask...” Heca mumbled, gently putting the mask into one of her cloak pockets before continuing on with what she was actually doing; someone would come looking for it eventually and likely ask her about it, right...?

-----------------

The Golden Dragon had gone to the meeting and then left to go back to her own room without noticing, but very quickly afterwards, she realized that she was missing a special mask she normally kept in her room. She mentally scolded herself for even taking it out, now that she lost it; even though she took it out with her to the gardens simply because she wanted to take a walk down memory lane....

She made an annoyed sound once she actually checked the garden, not finding any sign of the missing mask, and just heading back to her room. She promised Akagi that if she gave her that mask, that she wouldn’t lose it.... Well, at least the kitsune can’t find out while the dragon is still here.

Speaking of Akagi....The dragon quickly made sure her door was locked before digging in her drawers for a unfamiliar device to all but her and the summoner; a phone. She could generally get lucky enough to be able to send a couple of messages to her world. She needed to.

She was a commander after all.

She sat down on her bed and began to check to see what messages those under her gave her during the day. They all knew she left a couple of people in charge, but she was still messaged plenty during the day. She smiled at the messages though, despite the fact it meant she had to think over this sort of thing without physically seeing it; partly she liked being relied on. Partly she liked the fact she got a lot of them to call her something over than ‘Commander’.

‘Vallite, we are running low on skill books; should we order more?’ A yes for sure; with a side note to make sure they also make sure the equipment and food stocks are at good levels.

‘Should we scout out multiple areas?’ Of course; she makes a note for them to check where they recovered Akagi at least once in case anything new can be recovered.

‘Should we continue with the retrofits for Laffey and Ayanami?’ Oh, she must ask how long until those are complete; those two are some of the best ships she has recovered, so she does want to make sure she can help them become strong.

‘Vallite’, as her allies and friends back home called her, just continued to smile at all the messages; besides the questions given, the chat server they used to communicate also had a channel just to post supportive messages for each other; a fair number were encouragement for Vallite since she was stuck in an unfamiliar place, but a lot were also for the different groups, or ‘fleets’, going out.

She would of stopped from reading to continue her search for that missing mask if she didn’t notice she had a direct message from what was basically her current flagship, Amagi. So instead, she decided to see what she wanted first before leaving her phone alone again.

‘Crescent, are you alright? The others told me that you haven’t been talking much.’ Ah, she was just making sure the dragon was alright; it made Vallite happy to know someone wanted to make sure she was alright.

‘I’m fine, Amagi. I’m getting more quiet as I feel like you guys are settling into a routine while I’m still gone. And I have been busy. But I’ll be fine. Feel free to message me if you want, my dear friend.’

She waited for the kitsune to respond for a moment, before setting her phone aside to continue her search, missing the message that was in reply to her.

‘Do make sure to rest, Crescent; don’t want to end up dying before you can see my sister again. And don’t worry, we have gotten a good routine set up for until your return. Hopefully you don’t end up making anyone wait for you, given that you have us check for where Kaga might be recovered sometimes.’

----------

Heca had retired to her room, writing down some possible new spells onto pieces of paper for later testing, with the lost fox mask sitting on her desk alongside all her papers The Hellish Summoner’s focus only broke when she heard a knock on her door, followed by silence for a few moments, and then another knock.

“The door’s unlocked! Come in!”

The summoner didn’t even look up for her papers as she heard her door open and close, nor as she heard footsteps. Only when she saw a gloved hand reach out and take the mask she had sitting on her desk did she turn to look at the Hero who entered. The Corrin herself was looking over the mask, before looking....relieved.

“Is that yours?”

The Corrin nodded, turning to leave now that she found what she was looking for, before feeling the Summoner grab her arm.

“Hey, stay for a bit; I’m curious about you. And don’t worry; I got paper.”

The dragon stood there for a moment, before nodding and taking a seat on Heca’s bed, accepting the paper and pen the Summoner handed her.

“Now.....What’s your name?”

‘Crescent Shimizu. But many call me Vallite, which I would prefer.’

“Alright.....Nice to finally know a name for you, Vallite. Now....Why are you so quiet?”

‘I can’t speak without hurting my throat. It’s always been like that; I envy Lady Crescent and her ability to speak, but I’m used to finding other ways to get my point across.’

“Oh.....That explains a lot. Hopefully your fellow Heroes don’t mind it much; you might get along with a friend of mine, he likes being quiet, so maybe you can find a way to do a silent conversation with him. Now....What’s with the mask?” Heca gestured to the fox mask Vallite had in her lap. “I have never seen you wear anything like that.”

The dragon stared at the paper for a while before starting to write finally. ‘It’s a memento of someone I loved. I never got a chance to tell her such while I still could, but one of her sisters told me to never lose this mask so I always have a way to remember her. Her sister said that she thinks she loved me back, but I sadly could never ask the woman herself.’

“Oh, a lost love......I hope you find her again; maybe I’ll summon her, and then you can give her a big ol’ smooch.”

‘No?? Kaga would likely punch me if I just suddenly kissed her! Though, giving her a kiss isn’t bad sounding...’

“I was kidding, don’t worry, but you really should consider admitting your feelings if you see her again.”

‘Not sure on that; Kaga was always wanting to be strong, and felt that if you wanted something, you better make sure you are strong enough to earn it. Not sure how strong she would see someone who can’t speak at all.’

“....Girl. You are as physically strong as Crescent. And seem to be a full dragon; I think you are plenty strong enough to sweep that woman you love off her feet. And you can turn into a dragon; if your human form ain’t strong enough to impress, turn into a dragon and show off your power.”

Vallite let out a weak laugh before writing her response. ‘I don’t think that is how kitsunes court each other, but ok then.’

“Oh hell yeah, that is how you impress a beast; you show that you are strong, that you would be a good mate and would make good offspring. Appeal to her primal side as well as her gentler side.”

‘Yeah, I think I will stick to my own way, but thank you, Heca.’

“Oh, calling me just Heca?”

‘I hate being called ‘Commander’ back where I’m from, I assumed you hated being called Summoner. Please, do not think I’m disrespecting you.’

Heca just gets a big grin on her face and laughs. “Oh, I love it! A mutual respect between leaders! Wait, if you are a commander......Say, can you provide me any tips?”

‘I don’t want to keep you distracted for long; or use up too much of your paper or ink.’

“It’s fine! Besides, I can keep them as notes after.”

‘If you say so. Well....My first tip is to make sure you get to know all who are under you at least a bit, and make sure they know that you are there as both a commander and friend; at least, that’s how I handle my fleets. My allies might be seen as weapons by some, but first and foremost, before they are my allies in battle, they are people just like myself.’

“Oh, making sure you know how your allies are as people!”

The two spend a good part of the night talking about how to lead effectively....

--------

A few days later....

Heca was making a quick summon just at random, wanting to see if she got lucky. “Ok, how about......this one; hopefully I get one of those beasts finally.....”

The Summoner loaded the orb into the summongun, before firing towards the stone altar to start the ritual, noticing the stone pulse before glowing. “That’s a good sign that I might of-”

The Summoner was quickly knocked over by someone just punching her at full force, before looking at the summoned Hero.

She noticed the more modern outfit, and the glare the woman bore, likely out of aggression. This might be rough......

But also she noticed.....Two white fox ears......nine white fox tails behind the woman.

A fox mask; different from the one Vallite had, but still a fox mask.

This was a kitsune, or specifically a Nine-Tails. Maybe also the one Vallite loved.

............But first, Heca would have to get this fox to obey long enough to listen to an explanation.

The fact the kitsune punched her again at full force when she tried to approach told the Summoner that this would be a long process.

#summoner Heca #Vallite #those are the only characters that interact in this that are confirmed #but the third one isn't hard to figure out #also rip Heca's pride; it was lost to a punch happy kitsune #I should make a writing tag.....

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softviking · 6 years

Text

Ramblings and Personal stuff i carry around for a while now.

So hi. :) This will be a rather personal and potential long post so i will put this under the Read More stuff. Mainly for the very few people who happen to follow me for whatever reason and think “who the hell is that and why should i care.” You dont, i somehow feel like my Tumblr blog is some kind of safe spot...i hate the word but it is true. I dont do too much here on Tumblr, less now because most of my shows and stuff is on hiatus or so...but i feel surprisingly calm and secure when im on tumblr. It feels like i can write stuff down in my blog and get it out of my system...thats the main reason i will write this now. So for those who dont care, this pretty much is the end of a pointless looking Post but actually just the beginning. XD

Either way, have a good day, night, week, month, rest of the year all. Life is hard but you can make it, i believe in you.:)

Well here we go then for me and maybe a few people who are interested in what this weirdo has to say.

The year 2018 has been a really heavy year with a lot of things that happened. Mainly in my life we had two deaths, my uncle and my grandma. My uncles death was more of a shock, grandma dying was more a relief for all. My parents who were day and night there for her in the last difficult few months, relief for her because she is in no pain anymore...it was sad and everybody cried but we knew it was for the best. But before that happened, two good things happened in our life two. First my niece was born...and i cant even find the words to say how much i love this girl and how much laughter and life she brought in our already chaotic family. I never thought i would adore a baby that much. More than that it helped me realise that I AM NOT WORTHLESS. Its probably my biggest flaw, the mindset of thinking that im just a waste of space, that im not good enough no matter how often someone tells me that opposite. I hate that i cant shake this god damn mindset off, that it keeps coming back with every tiny mistake or every little thing i dont do perfect. Seeing how my brother and sister in law, how my family trust me with this tiny little being...helps me a lot. Seeing how this baby is not afraid of me, how she trusts me and how i can make her smile...thats something i never thought could happen to me.

Anyway...second good thing was that my brother got married. Dont know if i wrote this down here but when he first told us about this girl from Albania, we were a bit worried. He is a bit of a simple mind who often does things just out of spite. He didnt made it too easy to trust this whole thing, getting married after just 11 months of knowing, having spent most of their time together online...it causes us a few gray hair. But after having met her a few times and her now staying here for a few months, the girl is family. She is smart, friendly, helps a lot and is in general a really nice person. We get along well. So we have two new family members who will celebrate their first christmas in our family...a good thing.

Here is the thing...There was a lot going on here and there, small and bigger things that made me look at my life. And i realized that while im happy...i want more. Specificly i realized that i want to “socialise” more. I wanna met people, build friendships...find someone to love. For the longest time i was looking for excuses...but i realized those excuses were just because im afraid. Afraid of what could happen...which i realize now isnt as dark as i imagine. The worst that can happen is that people reject me...woho, big deal. Im sure there are a lot of people on this planet who dont like me...its not the end of the world. So i wanna put myself out there more and maybe here...interact more with the Shippers and stuff around here. Its something i didnt do for two reasons mainly...

One: I think im boring and have nothing to say, that all i might have to say is dumb and a waste of time and just bothers people. Getting rid of this mindset is a hard thing, but i will work on it. Number Two...sounds weird but...im a guy. I know Tumblr isnt some man hating place, no matter how often it might look like it. Thats not the case, i know the place has its bad apples but its not as bad as people want to make it out. It has less to do with the people around here and more...yeah im a smartass here, more to do with society. I sometimes feel like as a guy i shouldnt be part of a shipping community, i shouldnt participate in fandoms with mostly women or transgender people or so. Thats completely on me of course...but i dont really know why. Its probably more annoying than anything because its literally the dumbest reason for not doing something that exists. I shouldnt feel like i have no right to talk to other shippers, to squeel when my ships have cute scenes, to cry when the angst is too much or a fanfiction is emotionally so strong that i have tears in my eyes or laugh out loud. Its nothing wrong with being a guy and shipping stuff or with being emotional...hell i just got tears in my eyes when i wrote the part up there about my niece. Its a weird, eye rolling, thinking im probably the dumbest person in the world reason...i know that. And i will get rid of this mindset in my head...if i have to fight and scratch, bark and bite to be a tall guy who cries and ships cute couples, who is soft as a teddy bear and easily to get to laugh...then i will do that. I wanna ship stuff, i wanna be a fanboy, i wanna squeel about two fictional characters being all cute with each other...and i want to do that with others no matter the gender. So now that i have put this out...the last point and the one im currently most scared about. Remember the whole “I wanna put myself out there more” thing? Yeah that is scary. Since i want to become a writer, make money with writing, get many people to enjoy my books etc...i decided to start with making a facebook account. And not just some secret thing or so, no i wanna do it like most people do. Pictures, talking, sharing who i am, what i like and so on. Thats really scary even to think about it, because of the incredible pressure i feel while thinking im just not good enough. But i will do it, i will put myself out there...hoping i can be cheeky and funny...because thats what i am...well at least more so while writing in forums etc than in person. I hope that i can get the attention of people, not only to socialise and make friends...also to sell my book(s)...yeah money rules the world. I want to make money that is true, but i also want to matter you know? I want to sit there and be one day proud because i know that people really enjoyed reading my storys, the adventures i write, the dangers the characters i created experienced, i want people to laugh about stuff those characters say and do, hate the villians...or love them, i want to know that i reached people with my own hands...that i was good enough. This part didnt go into the direction i hoped, but anyway. To close this off there is one other thing. Dont know if it sounds creepy or so...but i already put it all out there, whoever is around now can not be scared away...hell i probably just write this for myself so it doesnt really matter. Anyway...while getting a good look at the stuff Facebook has going...i found also something...the Girl i had a crush on for all my school years. And as i realize now, the girl i still have a huge crush on. I never dared to talk to girls, not in school or 7 years ago when my weight was double what it is now and i had no idea what to do with life. Yeah i throw this out now too...i never had a girlfriend. Im way...way past 18 years and never even held hands with a girl in a romantic way. Never really thought anybody would care for me that way...but i digress i think. Anyway, the girl is still as beautiful as i remember and it gives me a surprising confidence that she doesnt seem to be married and all that. So maybe there is also Romance in my way...but i dont want to hope too much. For all i know she doesnt even remember me, i didnt particular made a impression on anybody. I mostly watched her from far away in school...yeah i know it sounds creepy as hell but i was really shy and unsure. A part of me thinks that this is my second chance, that this might be how it was supposed to go...but thats more coming from the side that watches too much romance movies and read too many of you peoples great fanfiction in which the same characters fall in love and meet in thousands of different ways. Either way, i just want to know for now if there could be chance or just if she is happy...maybe it turns out it was just a childhood crush i never gave the time to overcome...maybe its more...i dont know. But i know that im willing to find out...something a year ago i wouldnt had dared to even think. So that pretty much sums up the past year and my mindset, what goes on in my little head. If anybody reads this...im sorry for wasting your time or thank you for listening, it helped me get this stuff off my chest. Which helps me focus and move forward. Anyway, thank you very much and like i said before...you got this, you will get through rough times and come out strong...i believe in you.

#Just the long ramblings #of a weirdo #i feel really light now #maybe i should start a diary #or journal #but my handwriting sucks and nobody could read it #which would be a good thing #but not when i cant read the god damn pages too #wait #im lost in the tags XD #Ramblings

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comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

October 18th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on October 18th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on The Origin Story by Carolin Reich.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing The Origin Story by Carolin Reich~! (https://tapas.io/series/The-Origin-Story)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

one of my favorite scenes is actually really depressing XD but i really like the small part of a scene after cosima beats joreal and velver passes by her looking for her. https://tapas.io/episode/974705 something about the illustration on this page is so expertly crafted. like, you can just take one look and see cosima is in shock and kind of dead instead, and the fact its conveyed in such a brief and brillaint way amazes me.

Superjustinbros

Hi there!

RebelVampire

hey SJ

Superjustinbros

Glad to be here

RebelVampire

feel free to share any scenes that you were found of.

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1182515

Here's a pretty silly one

RebelVampire

yes! i really liked the relationship between chaze and his brother. theyre so different in personality. and you kind of have to wonder what happened in the past that caused his brother to leave home and essentially leave chaze in charge. cause chaze is not exactly whod i was as a king necessarily XD

Superjustinbros

Heehee X3

Pretty much

RebelVampire

did you just like it for the silliness or was there something else?

Superjustinbros

the silliness

RebelVampire

any part of the silliness that particularly entertained you or just the whole package?

Superjustinbros

I'd say the "head shake" bit

RebelVampire

yeah thats definitely a great illustration right there~!

Superjustinbros

Indeed

And giant draco daddy

RebelVampire

yeah i liked how the dragon was treated more like a pest than as a dragon XD

Superjustinbros

Dragon jsut wants his pumpkins for Halloween

RebelVampire

in the meantime, another scene i liked was in the elven court where velver did manipulative mumbo jumbo towards nocturne by playing to her fears on being the proxy for chaos. that was just some beautiful a-ok emotional stake driving right there. though i do wonder how much of it was on purpose or if velver was being a jerk. but i like the fact that i dont know for sure because it keeps velver as a bit enigmatic

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1152958 Ooh, so there's some type of modern tech in this world too?

RebelVampire

ummm, well in that part of the world its just cause cosima brought her phone

Superjustinbros

lol right

RebelVampire

another scene im fond of is when nocturne she tells Chaze "nope you gotta figure out how to get yourself out" after freeing him. Chaze has some really great expressions. But i also like the story itself turns my expectations on their head by having Chaze really actually mostly figure out how to escape himself.

Superjustinbros

Yeah that's a good scene

RebelVampire

speaking of head turns, and not so much a scene, but i like that cosima orchestrated her own escape from the brothel and noped out. like im used to stories where the protagonist misbehaves only a fraction (like explore the brothel after being told no dont do that). but cosima just nopes out of there and heads for home, which is a fitting reaction for someone her age.

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

At least it's appropriate for Cosima's age.

Since I see lots of story make the young characters far more intelligent/capable for someone their age

RebelVampire

yes, so i like that she decided to try and nope after all. granted it backfired as it should have, but still the attempt was made

mathtans

I will be another... 15-20 minutes. FYI.

RebelVampire

kay take your time. well be here but i hope you can make it.

mathtans

I liked the rattling off of "chosen one" artifacts like mascots and silver crystals and then be all, if I don't get those, then nevermind.

Superjustinbros

Oh hey Math(edited)

RebelVampire

oh yeah i forgot about that moment in the larger scheme. but that was a really great moment. and again, kind of a more realistic reaction in a sense. cause i think those sorts of things are what ppl expect if they get told theyre the chosen one.

QUESTION 2. Throughout the comic, Velver seems to be up to his own sorts of goals. What do you think Velver’s goals even are? Are they personal, or is this the will of the supposed Church? What do these goals have to do with manipulating the elves to war with the merpeople? What outcome do you think people are hoping to achieve by starting it? Who is Kader, and what’s their intent with Cosima/Riga? Do you feel Velver is loyal to Kader, or is Velver playing the field to achieve his own ends? Lastly, how does Velver know Jorel, and why did Jorel call Velver a traitor?

i will try and tackle the last one first. i feel as if velver must not have always been part of the church by the fact hes a traitor. instead, he joined the church later when he saw the people he was with were "evil." though personally i feel like jorel's group wants to stop the prophecy a different way versus what the church is up to? but this is mostly based on the fact i cant necessarily picture jorel as part of this so-called church

i could be wrong and its totally opposite and the hunters dont realize velver is a double agent who hates the church

im gonna go out on the limb and say i think velver is playing both fields and trying to decide for himself what the best outcome is. and that while he's doing kader's bidding for now, he ultimately is after something else that makes following kader necessary.

Superjustinbros

I second the "prophecy a different way" part, seems like a possible reason.

RebelVampire

i definitely also feel that kader is definitely for sure evil. cause something about the breaking of strings and velver's reactions makes me pretty sure they're a tyrant. XD which makes me pretty sure that they actually dont care about light beating the dark. they just want cosima's powers to do cool power things. maybe take over a kingdom

actually thatd make sense for why they want the elves and the merpeople to war

let the elves and the merpeople tire themselves out

then swoop in with cosima/riga saying "were here to take over"

insta win

Superjustinbros

I mean who doesn't want to rule over a kingdom

mathtans

Okaaaay, hiiii. Busy week, didn't get all the way through "Destiny", but very impressed by the German origins here. Gonna scroll up and make random remarks now.

Re: The scene after the dead parents, yeah, that whole section somehow rang really true, the whole "my parents will be so annoyed I don't want to have to deal" morphing into the "what is even my life now". Also, kudos on illustrations in general.

RebelVampire

yeah. i like that it continues as well to when cosima got caught by the hunters. and she just sits there like "what is life what do i do"

mathtans

I'm not at the brother scene yet. ^.^ Did not expect the dragon thing. I wonder how people who do the swimming/water thing end up with dragons, that we associate with the air.

Yeah. I mean, not only are your parents dead, you come face to face with their killer. Yipes.

Yeah, Cosima's portrayed well as a teenager.

RebelVampire

i did wonder that too. we havent seen the merpeople yet in the sense of their city, so maybe they actually live above water unlike all past precedent merpeople or something

i did think it was ironic

but i also thought it was ironic anyway cause how does chaze of all ppl have a dragon XD

mathtans

Velver's an interesting cookie. Joining up later makes sense, particularly if that made him a "traitor" to some. I feel like he's his own agent, rather than working for anyone else... not necessarily that he's trying to engineer the best outcome either, just that he thinks he has some role to play, prophecy wise.

Superjustinbros

I wonder what the merpeople even look like

unless they already appeared and I jsut missed it

mathtans

Seahorses are called dragons of the sea, right? Maybe that's how they hatch.

RebelVampire

chaze is a mer person

Superjustinbros

ooh

RebelVampire

as is his brother XD

Superjustinbros

Okay then X3

RebelVampire

and i guess thats possible if the dragons are secretly just sea horses

mathtans

I think Velver's been reading the ancient runes. I also have my own crazy theory...

Namely that which one of them is good/order or evil/chaos hasn't necessarily been decided yet. Velver's pegging Cosima for the former, but it could be the other girl, so he's goading her too.

RebelVampire

oh thats a really good theory. that either one is capable. cause i mean tbf chaos doesnt have to be evil nor does order have to be good

mathtans

It's like, "I'm going to start a war, and let's see which of them handles it better".

Superjustinbros

lel

mathtans

It also might explain why Jorel wanted Cosima dead, he (or others of his kind) have pegged her as the chaotic one.

RebelVampire

could be

tbf maybe jorel wasnt even ordered to kill cosima

maybe hes just like velver and think he has his own role to play

Superjustinbros

Maybe so

RebelVampire

and he chose the psycho role

mathtans

Could be. I'm not sure I totally buy he's a psycho though... he's strangely ordered in his thinking. It's like, I gotta do this, and this, and tie up loose ends. He just, I dunno, has no soul?

(Maybe that's the same thing.)

RebelVampire

i mostly label him psycho cause he heartlessly killed her parents XD

mathtans

OH, hmmmm... what if Velver and Jorel were originally the rebirth of order and chaos, and they messed it up, so now it's up to the women? How old are they anyway?

Rebel: Fair.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Many of the events of the comic come about for one reason: Cosima and Nocturne are destined to fight according to a prophecy and past precedence of their past selves. Do you think The Origin Story about Riga and her sister is true, or do you think there’s some critical information missing from it? Do you believe the prophecy is destined to come to pass, or are Cosima and Nocturne going to find a way to avoid fighting each other? Why do you think Cosima was kidnapped as a child but not Nocturne? In present times, what do you think will happen when Cosima catches up with Nocturne? Do you think Cosima will learn to control her powers inherited from Riga better, or will they ultimately be her undoing? What about Nocturne? Will she overcome her own issues regarding the prophecy?

i dont think that old. but i mean i guess its possible. though they must of messed up real bad cause neither velver or jorel killed each other.

so im saying it now cause of that flashback cosima had at some point (which i dont remember where). i think this is one of those situations where what ppl believe is a lie. someone else hurt riga and someone kept turning the new incarnations against each other. and eventually it devolved into a myth and such, as myths tend to do

mathtans

Well, the killing each other is just how things are now, once it's all escalated. ^.^

There's probably key missing information... maybe they're actually TRIPLETS.

RebelVampire

dun dun dun without the 3rd sister there are no negotians. jsut blind filled rage

mathtans

Yeah, there has been some interesting flashback/imagery stuff. Like when she reached for someone, and the image shattered and it was Velver (if memory serves).

I wonder if Cosima's friends have a role to play too. Maybe in a big twist, it was really one of them.

RebelVampire

they definitely have a role to play. they are suspicious af, though idk if you got to that part yet

mathtans

Ahh, if they appear in "Destiny" then no. I only got to the bit after Velver and Jorel talked. (I feel like they're related, incidentally.)

Speaking of though, the plot has been very clever in rolling out it's cast. Gradual enough to come to terms with each new character, but teasing others that end up with bigger roles later on. I'm reminded of an early scene when Velver was spying on Cosima - and Nocturne was spying on him. Layers.

RebelVampire

yeah i really like the pacing on it too. i dont have to spend an immense time memorizing a billion names at once.

Superjustinbros

At least the names aren't too hard to memorize.

mathtans

I'm still horrible with names. It's a gift.

I imagine it scans differently too when you're seeing it as it comes out versus binging, but I felt like the pacing was done well for the cast.

Superjustinbros

i feel ya Math (edited)

RebelVampire

on the side topic of nocturne, i feel like left to their own devices she and cosima wouldn't fight it out to the death. instead theyd be all sister bondy bond, have some tea, etc. so i think for sure its not they themselves who bring the prophecy to pass, its the plans of others who try to grab at the power and turn them on each other. but i also think cosima and nocturne will be obstinate and keep hugging each other screaming no

mathtans

I'm not so sure about that. Mainly because they might not always have control over their bodies. Like when Cosima went crazy on Jorel for self preservation. Could happen again with unintended consequences.

Nocturne probably also resents Cosima for growing up without so much responsibility, maybe also for having actual parents who aren't apparently trapped in crystals.

(...is reading a bit further in the background btw...)

RebelVampire

idk if nocturne would resent cosima for it. cause i mean, at least nocturne's parents are still probably alive in their crystals and werent viciously murdered. though youre right that riga may have other ideas about their bonding and just take over. but then again riga seems to know what velver is up to so riga might not act either.

the bigger danger on seeing nocturne i think is seeing the queen of elves

cause shes the one who might not take kindly to cosima XD

mathtans

Well, yeah, once Nocturne learns of the murdering that might change things. ^.^ There's a lot of variables in play I suppose.

That said, I will willingly ship Nocturne with Cosima's friends.

RebelVampire

LOL i dont think i can get behind that ship. mostly cause i expect cosima's friends to die. :"D

mathtans

That light haired girl is kind of precious though, with her theories.

I wonder what she'd make of seeing the town.... ... and now I'm picturing her at the brothel, I shouldn't do that.

Also, shipping all the girls in the brothel.

RebelVampire

yes those are more acceptable ships. the brothel girls are probably safe. and head brothel girl has a whip.

also i found it, that scene with cosima's friends being super suspicious. it was actually in puppeter

https://tapas.io/episode/915705

mathtans

Right, the fact that they knew Jorel. I thought that was weird.

It's fine though, I'll still ship them with each other! All the ships!

RebelVampire

yeah. whatever organization jorel is from theyre clearly from

QUESTION 4. Among the larger threads rests a plethora of other possible curiosities to be solved. Who exactly were Cosima’s parents? Were they working for someone from the beginning, or did they somehow get wrapped up in everything? Who are Cosima’s friends considering they lament that their comfortable lives have changed since Cosima left? Who is Jorel, and why are his orders to kill Cosima? What is the deal with the elves trapped in crystals? As far as the plot goes, how might the Hunters affect what’s going on in general? What about Chaze? Will he be able to stop the war, or is his destiny meant to be something greater than that? In general, what are your theories for the future? What do you think or want to see happen?

mathtans

Are they from that organization though? Because if so, they know where Cosima is. Why bother sending Jorel.

RebelVampire

i think jorel is more firmly acting on his own

since the friends didnt know of any death order

mathtans

He was saying he couldn't go back without being sure she was dead though, or someone would be upset.

I think.

RebelVampire

so maybe the friends didnt get the message? and theyre going to show up going wtf guys

mathtans

Holy Hannah! Kader's more psychotic than Jorel, she doesn't even kill directly. (Just got caught up.) Like geeeeeez.

Rebel: Maybe. There was the implication that they could return as well.

I suspects events will prevent that, but they thought it was an option.

RebelVampire

maybe. idk. i need more data in this case. i still think jorel is working more on his own though. cause maybe the person who was gonna be upset is actually gonna be upset regardless. and be like wtf jorel why did you kill riga you dolt

but yeah kader is psychotic, or at the very least tyrannical

velver did not necessarily make a good switch

i really want to know whats up with the elves in the crystals. like was there a spell that backfired and the queen just doesnt care O_O

mathtans

Maybe, yeah... also that mention of having the same problem in another 10 years makes me think once again that if the battle doesn't happen the spirits move on again. Or something.

Yeah, maybe the elves in the crystals had a disease? So it's like suspended animation? Because it was mentioned that there were fewer elves than merfolk.

Or maybe they just couldn't make enough food for the city, so this means fewer mouths to feed. Swords apparently grow in the crystals, but I guess vegetables don't.

RebelVampire

maybe it is a disease. or maybe this is actually why riga was kidnapped. cause riga caused it and jorel's group was like "welp we found riga. did you see that giant crystal explosion?"

im not sure what mention youre talking about with the 10 years thing tho

i must of missed it

mathtans

The most recent update. Third panel from the end.

Riga likes making crystals. Everyone needs a hobby.

RebelVampire

hmmm from the phrasing i feel like the implication is more that nocturne will kill riga? and kader will have to wait a decade for riga to be reborn again so they have to restart the kidnapping process. but i could be wrong.

mathtans

As to the future, I really don't think I can call it. Too many moving pieces. I also wonder a bit if maybe the Circle's hiding elements of the prophecy, accidentally or otherwise.

Ahh, I see... no, that's possible. Doesn't necessarily negate the Velver/Jorel reincarnation issue though, maybe the host doesn't need to die.

(Yes, I'm back to that theory.)

RebelVampire

its a possible theory. though like i say theyd really have to mess it up for this to be a thing. i do think parts of the prophecy are hidden

though maybe its a bit of both

in that theyre purposefully hiding some of it

but then theres parts that they just missed

and are gonna go through their archives and go "oops"

mathtans

It was censored by the clerics.

Incidentally, just want to shout-out here too for the translator. I noticed the comic's originally in German, and gets translated. Can't be simple coming up with the terms like for the "virtual loop" forest.

(Maybe the original German prophecy got translated so many times it's being misinterpreted. )

RebelVampire

i am curious what the original german says now XD

mathtans

I can't speak German. They have neat words for things though.

Okay, final theory. In a massive plot twist, Cosima's cat app saves the day. All the outside world needed was technologies to unify the different groups.

Oh! And shout-out to some of the fun cartoony poses. I feel like those would be fun to draw. (Or maybe not draw, but see once drawn?)

RebelVampire

haha i did kind of hope it would go that way tbh. that by the end the worlds recombine and they figure out that technology is awesome and puts less pressure on the whole magic business.

so i mean if cosima's cat app requires this to happen, so be it

mathtans

I wonder if there's anywhere for her phone to charge. Or if she can use magic for that.

RebelVampire

i wonder if vampire guy we saw briefly who seemed to be from cosima's world has the cat app

that would be hilarious. has all these great goddess powers, uses them to recharge her phone

mathtans

It's the simple things in life sometimes.

RebelVampire

well if cosima visits the brothel again, she cant disappoint. theyll want to see that cat app again

mathtans

Yis. That will be after the Origin Story... the Sequel Story.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Carolin Reich, as well, for making The Origin Story. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Carolin Reich’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/The-Origin-Story

Carolin Reich’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/CarolinReich

Carolin Reich’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A212D0X

Carolin Reich’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Ensyis

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about A Drift of Souls by Davpow. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, October 25th, from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://adriftofsouls.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #bookclub #book club #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #the origin story #carolin reich

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whatsonforperth · 6 years

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8 THINGS I LOVED IN FEBRUARY

The shortest month of the year was always going to feel like it went fast! But here are the eight things that I loved in Feb.

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