#at least the Nazis are direct about how much they want me dead

[princesscolumbia]

Star Trek Captains, A Review and Categorization

Star Trek is a show about a Neo-military organization that has rank structures, ships, and fights wars, so naturally there's plenty of captains to talk about, but for this post I'll be highlighting specifically the main cast captains, in something resembling chronological order. (But, I mean, this is Star Trek, so even that's kinda up in the air)

Captain Archer

That Guy who had to hand crank the warp engine up-hill both ways in the blinding ion storm. We don't need no stinkin' Prime Directive! Remember The Alamo Pearl Harbor 9/11 Florida! But...uh, maybe don't be dicks about it, not everyone who looks like the ones responsible for that thing we're never going to forget actually wants us dead. Got transformed into an alien, got possessed by another alien, slept with a couple more. Never got pregnant, though (that was his chief engineer)

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Wars started: 0

Wars ended: 3

Times on screen naked: 1

Nazi facilities destroyed: 1

Category: Grampa

Captain Pike

Midlife crisis? What midlife crisis? Everything's fiiiiine. Now eat something, it'll make you feel better. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. Number One, don't tell me I can't adopt more kids, I don't care that they're from the future they're mine now. Besides, we've already got a whole ship-full, what's two more?

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 2

Violations of the Temporal Prime Directive: -3 (yes, it's an irrational number, we're talking time travel, people!)

Musical Numbers Participated While On Duty: 3

Hair: Really Great

Category: Dad (or DILF if you swing that way)

Captain Georgiou

You will be captain when you can snatch the stone from my hand.

Scorecard

Ships commanded: 1

Protege's who required a redemption arc: 1

Awesomeness: Transcendent

Category: Gone too soon, also, MILF who can kick your ass

(Edit: Courtesy of @cheer-me-up-scotty for pointing out an oversite on my part)

Captain Burnham

Cosplays as a Vulcan 'cause she's jealous of her adoptive brother. Accurately called an audience-stand-in-self-insert-mary-sue (shut up, Star Trek fandom invented the Mary Sue, it was a term coined by women fans, so shut up!), but by season 2 she actually gets interesting.

Scorecard

Mommy Issues: Has a subscription

Moms: 4

PTSD inducing life events: Like, all of them

Ships commanded: 3

Mutinies led failed: 1

Category: That One Cousin who married surprisingly well and made something of herself in spite of all expectations

Captain Kirk

Golden retriever energy, would be the Useless Bisexual Himbo if he didn't have so much game. Probably smarter than he lets on. Polyamory King and certified Alien Fucker. Boyfriend is a half-space-elf, main sometimes-girlfriend will go on to create the deadliest super-weapon ever built by humans by accident.

Scorecard

Number of Klingon Bounties on his head: [CLASSIFIED]

Number of women he's slept with: [CLASSIFIED]

Nazi regimes toppled: 1

Number of times he should have had a test that determines if you can stick your dick in it that got named after an upstart from that other science fiction show instead: 1

Ships Commanded: 3

Ships He's Stolen: 3

Category: Slut(affectionate)

Captain Kirk (the other one)

Golden Retriever that got left behind when his family moved away and had to lead a ragtag team of a crotchety older dog and a wet cat on a journey...

No, wait, hold on...

Right! That's the one!

Scorecard

Times he should have been kicked out of Starfleet: At least 4

Ships commanded: 3

Ground transport destroyed: 2 (that we know of)

Number of middle fingers given to Admiralty: 2

Category: Bad Boy

Captain Picard

You know that guy who you see going to the library all the time and always seems to have his nose in a book and always seems to be telling people off for breaking the rules and doing dangerous shit? You'd never know it but he used to be That Guy in college who got, like, ALL the girls and is going to be the Hot Grampa that you don't know how he has that much game, but he got it.

Scorecard

Ships lost in the line of duty: 2

Number of times he married and then estranged his best friend's wife who named their son after her dead first husband: 1

Number of toxic omnipotent and omniscient boyfriends who are obsessed with him and spends their spare time playing with ponies: 1

Category: Inexplicable Sexyman

Captain Badass Sisko

The Cool Dad with baggage. He's got game, but he's got priorities as well, and DON'T mess with his son or you won't even exist anymore to regret it. BLM before it was cool. Led a civil rights riot two centuries before he was born. Space Jesus who can make the best jambalaya you've ever had. Fought and won a war, punched a god, then became one.

Scorecard

Civilizations saved: 4

Native Cultures Treated With the Respect They Deserve: Many

Times He Bent the Rules so his CMO could get some nookie from a Cardasian spy plain, simple tailor: The counter broke

Successful black-ops assassinations completed: 1

Category: BAMF

Captain Janeway

THE single most decorated captain in Starfleet history. Successfully dropped the hammer on dozens of petty tyrants, oppressive regimes, roaming mass murderers, and the Borg. What Prime Directive? Your Mom. Also, probably slept with your mom, that's how much she is the Domme-est of Dommes. She told the Borg to use the safe word...and they DID!

Scorecard

Borg Daughters: 1

Times she told the Borg to step off: 3 (or 4...or 5? Honestly, with the time travel shenanigans it's hard to know for sure)

Nazis she's personally shot: 1

Category: Mistress, but it's "Ma'am" to you

Captain Freeman

She's angry AND disappointed! She's just as good as all the other captains in the fleet, and the good ones know it, but all the rest? They see "cali class" and assume all they're good for is the jobs nobody else wants. But jokes on them, because thanks to that attitude her crew are the flippin' Jacks and Jills of all trades and are more capable of fixing AND fucking AND "fucking" shit up than damn near anyone else!

Scorecard

Times the ship has nearly been destroyed but she and her crew got through it: ...uh...how many episodes are there? And then there's the times that get casual mentions that we never get the details on!

Daughters who should probably be captains now if they were at least a LITTLE more respectful and didn't actively try to piss off Admirals: 1

Times the Cerritos has had to be rebuilt to the point it might as well be called "The Ship of Cerritos Problem": At least 4

Category: Your mom...get back here, I'M NOT DONE TALKING TO YOU!

Captain R'El

Cinnamon Roll, just let m'boy into Starfleet! He just wants a home and a family! I'd like to see full-grown captains who can keep up with half of what this Best Boy is capable of!

Scorecard

Number of species his genetic code is made up of: All of 'em. Even the GODDAMN Q!

Number of Janeways he impressed the socks off of: 2

Quality of his Janeway impression: Bad

Number of Ferengi he out-Ferengi'd: 1

Nazis punched: Give him time...

Category: Teenage Boy Who's NOT GOING THROUGH A PHASE, MOM!

Should I do Captains Shaw and Seven? How about Alternate Timeline Tripp or Future Chakotay? (Going too far down that rabbit hole will eventually lead to Imperial Kirk and Captain Spock from the movies.) Let me know in the comments.

Next Post in this series

[phoenixyfriend]

The older I get, the more I understand how much of my take on certain topics (now including Star Wars, particularly the genocide of the Jedi and the many civil wars of the Mandalorians) stems directly from Balkan Cultural Trauma.

Like. There is not a way to really explain my feelings on Mandalorian imperial history and the genocide of the Jedi without getting into things like (and this has links because I do not have the energy in me to explain everything in detail because it's just so much shit, people do entire doctorates on just tiny parts of any given one of these):

five hundred years of Ottoman oppression of the region (especially the blood tithe of devshirme and its role in the Janissary slave army; the English Wikipedia article is significantly kinder about the practice than the Balkans remember it being), and the rise of nationalism in the wake of its dissolution

the attempted genocide of the Serbs in Croatia in WWII (the Nazi regime of Croatia operated the third-largest concentration camp in Europe, and targeted ethnic Serbs more than all other groups combined, resulting in several hundred thousand dead Serbs at the hands of far-right Croats and Bosniaks, with records kept so poorly that estimates range from 200k to 500k, all committed without the use of mass extermination tools due to lack of adequate equipment), which most of the Western world has no idea about but features heavily in my own family's history

the attempted genocide of Croats and Muslims in greater Yugoslavia by the Chetniks in WWII (far-right Serb nationalists and Yugoslav royalists, resulting in the deaths of about 55k-73k Croats and Muslims)

the same shit happening in the 90s, once again on the same religious/ethnic divides (basically the same thing in the Balkans, a large number of conservative parties are of the opinion that a Serb who converts to Catholicism is now ethnically a Croat, and if they convert to Islam they are now ethnically a Bosnian/a Bosniak), resulting in tens of thousands of Bosniaks dead at the hands of Serb nationalists, and upwards of a million displaced. (Bosnian and Croatian forces also engaged in war crimes against each other and Serbs, but to a much smaller degree.)

The entire mess that is Kosovo, where even I can't really start to explain what's going on because it's been going on for so many years in so many directions and it's probably another 'the Ottomans fucked everyone over and then we turned around and went for each others' throats after they were finally gone'

Within that context, you have all this bullshit about propaganda fed to the people by the government, propaganda fed to the outside world to shift over international perception of the events, propaganda used to help the outside world forget about a horrific historic war crime, arguments about which nationalist attitudes were a direct result of Ottoman oppression instead of a later development, which current conflicts can be traced back to Ottoman oppression and who resisted versus who cooperated, who lied about what, who initiated what, which crimes can be attributed to a rogue military and which to the government, which crimes were supported by the population and which were supported only by the wealthy or high ranking, about what even actually happened, about who even actually died, about how many things were initiated by outside forces since there are theories that the CIA helped kick off or at least inflame the many conflicts of the 90s and 00s--

And I was raised in America, and have tried to do independent research every time my parents told me a story about history because I don't want to trust the words of two people on the history of millions, and it's always so much more complicated than you think.

Except for two rules, really, which is that almost everything traces back to the Ottomans fucking us over, and the Rroma always suffered for everyone else's bullshit even though they weren't involved in the conflicts in the first place.

[beardedmrbean]

There something about the French Revolution fetishizers that confuses me. Should we tell them that the France colonized the living fuck out of the Middle East and Africa. And also been connected to several assassinations of African countries heads of state?

The French empire was some of the most evilest motherfuckers on the planet with the likes of British empire. But Hitler just happened to kick off ww2 so the French and British use that to hide their atrocities in textbooks.

Not saying all French people are evil, but we really need a course on the evil shit the French empire did. Why do leftists romanticize the French Revolution? The evil they hate just stop wearing crowns and switch to top hots.

UK hasn't managed to keep that kind of thing down so well, France still has a few "colonial" territories left too, one of them I popped up a bit back island with about 200,000 inhabitants that overwhelmingly voted to stay French, doing otherwise was economic suicide.

But as for hiding their sins, not sure if the hiding was done on purpose or if it was just a case of it being overshadowed by people that would rather bitch about the US and UK, odd since many of the issues in the middle east are a direct result of the UK and France going behind the US's back so they could do what folks consistently bag on the US for. AKA they wanted that oil.

Back to fun with France, the year was 2015 and I promise there's a point.

How dare they do that with a "traditional" dish

Yes manipulation of the "traditional" recipe for "traditional" Vietnamese Banh Mi sandwich.

They replaced the "traditional" Vietnamese crispy baguette bread with non Vietnamese ciabatta bread.

Because the baguette is a traditional Vietnamese food steeped in thousands of years of culture and not something that was brought over by the French when the whole area was known as French Indochina and its capital was Saigon.

French left the area in 1954, so not too long ago.

Food is a screwy thing from a cultural standpoint, potatoes will forever be associated with Ireland even though they didn't exist outside of south america until the age of exploration. Don't even try to figure out who invented hummus just eat it, sausages and dumplings exist everywhere the contents are the only thing that changes.

Fortune cookies were brought to America by Japanese immigrants and managed to get associated with Chinese food because of WW2 and prejudice. That's one story at least.

Tangent over, maybe one day I'll go into how yoga is actually Dutch tho.

but ya, for some reason people forget how big the French empire was, it included Mexico at one point even now it's pretty much just French Guyana, it's weird really you'll hear more about the Belgian Congo than French Morocco, granted France didn't treat the people of Morocco nearly as bad as Leopold did the people of the Congo so there is that.

Spain still has a little corner of North Africa that's connected to Morocco I think it is, that's about all they have left of their empire other than one of the most widely spoken languages in the world.

Wildest thing about France in all of this is how many times the place shifted power, topple the monarchy still got all the colonies, first republic falls to napoleon, still got the colonies, 2nd republic pops in still got the colonies, here comes napoleon again, colonies, 5 republics, 2 empires, and a hereditary monarchy, oop can't forget the vichy nazi collaborators either, Petan should have already been dead imho but that's a different story.

Imagine being a French colonial governor when the revolution started, managing to keep your post and ride the whole thing out then the republic that was formed falls to Napoleon, then the Burbons pop back in for a few months, what a mess.

This was long but I hope entertaining in a way and maybe enlightening too, I could keep rambling like this lot of interesting things and my brain functions like a wikipedia tree when it starts in on things like this so I have to force myself to stop.

[ramblingdisaster73]

4x06 Thoughts & Feelings (there will be both positive & negative opinions here – so read below the cut at your own risk.) As usual I tag everything with 911 lone star spoilers until the next episode airs.

At least it wasn’t another gender reveal party – for the pink chalky stuff

Sorry – but – Owen you are the one that told them to go – so if it was a real life situation – their deaths would be on you – not on them – they were following your orders

So, he is allowed to use humor to deal with shit, but no one else is – got it.

You did overreact – you have a SHIT TON more knowledge than they do – check your own narcissistic ass – take responsibility for once instead of lashing out.

 I do understand why he is acting like he is – that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Can Owen just become a Fire Marshall – then we can get Captain Ryder full time? I really think that Arson investigator would be perfect for him – but there is a lot more opportunity (imo) for the fire marshall than arson investigation.

Seriously though – why introduce a white supremacist Nazi group – an actual real threat in Texas & the US at the moment – then make them the VICTIMS. What.the.actual.FUCK.

Sorry – if Tim wanted the FBI chick’s death to make us feel something – this was a HUGE miss for me – that is what I was hoping for since I saw the still of Owen carrying her out.

SIDENOTE – I do like Amanda Schull in Center Stage – I love that movie so much

I guess he isn’t the bad guy – BUT – I don’t really care

Sorry, but I don’t feel bad for the Nazis.

I wonder if Owen actually saved Red’s life by coming in before the FBI raid – it seems like the ones that died were the ones closer to the bar/farther back in the screen area – where Red came from to talk to Owen.

2nd adversary of Owen’s to get severe burns in an explosion

The text spoof thing – seems to smart for the kid

The FBI is so single minded in their pursuits of criminals

Sorry, but the painted ambulance was a huge giveaway that the bomb threat at the capitol would really be outside

At least they found the bus & dead hiker

I really didn’t think that the mikey kid was smart enough to get Andy to do all the provable work.

I did say that the kid would be involved – the scene he was in @ the roadhouse after his branding clinched it for me.

Why would you be sorry Owen? You very rarely are, especially since you always get to come out the hero?

I guess at least he is admitting he can’t do it all alone – so I guess at least that’s 1 step in the right direction.

Oh yay – gun porn for the gun people – lovely – sorry – not a fan (losing a childhood friend in a school shooting and a high school boyfriend being murdered with one – make it a bit hard for me to find guns sexy – but to each their own.)

So, we now have 2 adults that have been kidnapped/held captive with their hands bound in front of them with their mouths taped – but they couldn’t just lean the 2 inches forward to rip off the tape?

So Andy was a suicide bomber – dude wasn’t planning on blowing the place up & getting away with it – he was literally a suicide bomber. – but – yeah, please try to make me feel bad for the kid, but too bad it was another miss.

I do think that the actor did an awesome job with the role – I could also buy him as a relative of O’Brien – something about the eyes.

I wouldn’t hate an Owen/O’Brien friendship – but am totally cool with it being off screen

As soon as the fake ambulance was surrounded – I knew that Owen was going to be pulling a Derek Morgan

Like the kid getting the boot from the club for being TOO right wing is not the way to get me to sympathize with him

“You need to run” – Okay – we will all just stand here and stare at you instead.

Like that ambulance is fake as fuck looking – how dumb are law enforcement in this show.

Sorry – but Grace has been hired as Owen’s babysitter

Maybe – tell her that you have anfo in the van – that way she can more quickly give you directions

Then Listen to the woman.

Sorry – but I predicted the van stopping – and laughed when it did. I thought we were about to see Owen go Superman and just push it all the way in with his pinkie finger.

Doesn’t he know you have to weight the gas pedal? Like he watches so many movies – but missed this one thing that is in almost every action movie I have watched.

Of course, it turns into laughing gas

Apparently Judd forgot all of the science info he recorded for Mateo in Season 1.

I loved that little throw back

I love Mateo

I really want Captain Judd Ryder to be a thing

Here is an Owen thing that I absolutely loved – the way he kept eye contact (until Andy spoke directly to him) with O’Brien during Andy’s testimony – Neal played that role so well – he truly looked like he was in pain over the situation. – Owen was the person he could look at and know he wasn’t being judged, just supported in the way he was trying to support his nephew’s wife.

It is what you do Owen.

So glad he was reminded that he had a son – and decided it was convenient for him to stop by. – I get that a lot of people absolutely love this whole scene – I like parts of it – but as I have mentioned previously – Owen & my Father are very similar & that makes it incredibly hard to see this gesture as one towards TK – but rather see it as one to assuage his own guilt.

Tim’s comment about Owen being the dad of the Groomzilla is fucking stupid as shit – sorry but that says that TK will be the groomzilla – the groomzilla can ONLY be the groom (in this case either or both Carlos & TK would qualify) – the father would be a Dadzilla – not the dad to the groomzilla. It really isn’t that fucking hard – but Tim likes to make TK look like the diva anyway – so I guess that is pretty on brand for him.

Sorry Owen, but one of those men is on his second wedding/marriage – they can’t all call Iris his wife in other eps and then act like this him marrying TK is Carlos’ first marriage.

[zuko-always-lies]

Unpopular Opinion: Zuko’s treatment of Mai is deeply toxic.

Mai is a character who is often maligned in the fandom, with it even occasionally being claimed that she was “abusive” toward Zuko. Any objective analysis of Mai’s behavior in her relationship with Zuko will instead find that she was, in fact, a shockingly good romantic partner, generally treating Zuko very well and being loyal to him far beyond reasonable expectation.  Claims that Mai behaved toxically toward Zuko seem to be instead founded in misogynistic expectations that women be perfect caretakers for the men in their lives.

That is not to say that the Zuko-Mai relationship isn’t still deeply toxic. However, its toxicity stems from the manner which Zuko badly mistreats Mai, often in ways which devalue her. Much more under the cut.

Our story begins in the first half of Book 3.  The vast majority of episodes there don’t show anything particularly toxic going on in the relationship. The most you can say is that they suggest that Zuko tends to dump his problems on others and doesn’t have best understanding of his girlfriend.

However, inevitably we must turn to “The Beach,” the episode which, by far, gets the most into the Zuko-Mai relationship. To say that Zuko doesn’t behave well toward Mai in this episode would be an understatement. I don’t speak here of Zuko’s unsuccessful attempts to please Mai early in the episode, but instead how badly he starts treating her beginning at the party:

Ruon Jian: Hey, first ones here, huh? Zuko: (cut to shot of Zuko and Mai walking side by side) Pft. He thinks he's so great. (to Mai) Well, what do you think of him? (they stop walking) Mai: I don't have any opinion about him. I hardly know him. Zuko: You like him, don't you? (Mai sighs and walks away, as Zuko looks angrily in the direction of Ruon Jian. The camera zooms in on Ruon Jian)

And

(Cut to shot of Ruon Jian leaning over Mai. Zuko rushes toward them angrily and pushes Ruon Jian away from her. Cut to shot of Ruon Jian straightening his hair.) Ruon Jian: Whoa. What are you doing? Zuko: (close-up shot of Zuko, angry) Stop talking to my girlfriend! Ruon Jian: (Ruon Jian approaches Zuko) Relax, it's just a party. (Zuko pushes Ruon Jian hard, sending him flying across the room, breaking a giant vase.) Mai: (Mai stands up and grabs Zuko's shoulder. He turns towards her.) Zuko, what is wrong with you?! Zuko: What's wrong with me?! Mai: (angrily) Your temper's out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hot-headed and angry. Zuko: Well, at least I feel something...as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything. (raising his arms is the air) You're just a big "blah". Mai: (turning away from him) It's over, Zuko. We're done.

 And:

(Zuko follows her and the camera pans down to the handprint, left alone on the porch. Cut to wide view of the camera panning down Ember Island Beach. Zuko and Azula are walking side by side toward Mai and Ty Lee. Close shot of Zuko looking toward Mai and then looking away. Close shot of Mai looking angry and a bit sad.) Mai: Hey... (Interrupted) Zuko: (close shot of Zuko) Where's your new boyfriend? (Mai turns away angrily. Zuko comes and sits next to her) Are you cold? (he puts his arm around her, but she slaps it away)

Zuko is acting in a massively controlling fashion toward Mai, motivated by his violent and rage-filled jealously.  She literally can’t talk to a boy without Zuko flying into a jealous rage, trying to separate her from the person she’s talking to, and accusing her of emotional infidelity. In real life, this is considered a warning sign for an abusive relationship(although I don’t think Zuko has crossed the line into abusive yet).

“The Beach” also gives us this:

Mai: Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you. (Cut to over-head shot of the four teens. Zuko walks closer to the fire and Mai.) Zuko: I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once, (Close shot of Mai looking away and Zuko standing over her) instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?

Zuko tries to provoke Mai into having a fight with her best friend Ty Lee just so he can watch her express strong emotions.  Zuko very much wants to Mai to be and act like someone she’s not, which has its own issues.

Overall, Zuko treats Mai quite poorly in “The Beach.” The episode ends with this:

Mai: I know one thing I care about... (Cut to shot of Mai smiling at Zuko) I care about you. (Mai and Zuko kiss. Azula claps, causing them to separate and turn toward Azula. The camera pans left to include her.)

Mai forgives Zuko and accepts him back without him acknowledging his behavior was wrong, apologizing for it, or giving her any guarantee that he will treat her better in the future. That’s unfortunate, as Zuko soon ends up treating her far, far worse than he ever did in this episode.

Zuko’s disregard for Mai cumulates with the manner he commits treason on the Day of Black Sun. Let us start our understanding of what he did wrong from the beginning. Breaking up with Mai via a letter which didn’t give her a real explanation was a real asshole move, but it’s not at the core of what he did wrong.  For that, we need to turn to this conversation from “The Headband”:

Zuko: Can't you see we're busy? (He and Mai resume their "business".) Azula: (not to be put off) Oh, Mai... Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid. Mai: (complaisantly) Sounds pretty serious. (She gets up and leaves. Walking past Azula, towards the camera, she shoots the princess a quick, poisonous glance behind her back.) Azula: So...I hear you've been to visit your Uncle Fatso in the prison tower. Zuko: (standing, incensed) That guard told you. Azula: (smugly) No, you did. Just now. Zuko: (sitting back down) Okay, you caught me. What is it that you want, Azula? Azula: (solicitiously) Actually, nothing. Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you. If people find out you've been to see Uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. Just be careful, dum-dum.

Zuko has proven his loyalty to the Fire Nation beyond doubt, yet Azula is still very worried that him spending time with Iroh will get him accused of treason, because having a close association with traitors puts oneself under almost automatic suspicion of treason.

“Day of Black Sun, Part II”:

Zuko: First of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar, not me. Fire Lord Ozai: Why would she lie to me about that? Zuko: Because the Avatar is not dead. He survived. Fire Lord Ozai: (alarmed) What?!

Zuko deliberately throws Azula under the bus, hurting her and reducing her status with Ozai as much possible while effectively accusing her of deliberately committing treason. He also deliberately pisses off Ozai as much as possible.

So where does this leave us? Mai is Zuko’s known girlfriend and extremely close associate. Automatically, the suspicion of knowing of Zuko’s treason ahead of time or being involved falls upon her. She’s in grave risk of being imprisoned, tortured, or executed, especially since Ozai seems not the type to be strictly concerned with ensuring those he punishes are guilty beyond reasonable doubt. The Fire Nation seems like a society which might have collective punishment(as historical East Asian societies, Nazi Germany, and the Stalinist Soviet Union did), and Mai might be under risk from that direction.  Finally, Ozai might hurt her simply as way of retaliating against Zuko.

Normally Azula would almost certainly be able to protect her friend, even under these trying circumstances, given Azula’s prestige and accomplishments.  However, Zuko has deliberately undermined Azula as much as possible and effectively accused her of committing treason herself, dramatically reducing the probability that she will be able to protect Mai.  In fact, Mai stands risk of being accused of being involved in Azula’s effort to “conceal the fact that the Avatar survived,” given Mai’s close association with Azula and her close involvement in the events where the Avatar “died.” She’s thus under danger from two different directions.

“But Zuko had to betray his father and become good through aiding Team Avatar.” Yes, it’s a good thing he did so. But Zuko had other options than the course he adopted. He could have avoided confronting Ozai at all and instead focused on rescuing Iroh(interesting AU idea right here).  He could have confronted Ozai but not thrown Azula under the bus, and that alone would have vastly reduced the risk to Mai(and also made Zuko out to be a better person, because deliberately throwing your younger sister under the bus and then abandoning her to the mercy of your abusive father is not a good look).  Zuko could have killed Ozai right then and there during the eclipse.  He even could have tried to lead Team Avatar to the bunker and tried to end the war right then and there.

“Zuko didn’t understand that he was placing Mai in danger.” Quite possible, but Zuko being so self-centered that he is unable of understanding that his actions can have negative effects on other people is a mark against him, not for him.

Now we turn to the Zuko’s behavior toward Mai in the rest of the third season.  Let us start with “The Boiling Rock, Part 1”:

Sokka: (emphatically) I think your Uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us, that's hard. Zuko: It wasn't that hard. Sokka: (Cut to a side view of the basket) Really? You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about? Zuko: Well I did have a girlfriend. Mai. Sokka: (He goes closer to Zuko with a surprised look on his face) That gloomy girl who sighs a lot? Zuko: (Cut back to show Zuko grinning goofily) Yeah. (his face turns serious) Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor. I couldn't drag her into it. Sokka: (Cut back to Sokka who leans back on the basket) My first girlfriend turned into the Moon. Zuko: (looks up) That's rough buddy

There are two things to unpack here. First, Zuko claims he “couldn’t drag her into it,” yet he already did, as I’ve illustrated above. Second, Zuko seems to expect that Mai would have followed him into treason if he asked her, that she would be willing to betray her nation, ideology, family, and friends just for the sake of her love for him. That’s an insane and pretty toxic expectation for Zuko to have for her relationship with him, especially since he wouldn’t do the same for her.

We also get more confirmation that Zuko doesn’t care at all about Ty Lee or Azula.

I don’t have a lot to say about the Zuko-Mai conversation during Boiling Rock, Part 2. The only things I would like to note are that Zuko is not very sorry for what he did, not very empathetic toward Mai’s pain, and doesn’t give Mai a real apology for his actions.

Of course, Mai proceeds to save Zuko’s life through committing treason in front of dozens of witnesses at Boiling Rock, something which places her own life in serous jeopardy. How does Zuko react to this?

Zuko: (Cut to a shocked Zuko) It's Mai. Azula: (Cut to a furious Azula) What is she doing?! (Cut to the backs of Azula and Ty Lee as Ty Lee shrugs and makes a "I don't know" noise. Cut to the gondola as it reaches the outer part of the crater. Cut to the inside of the entrance tower as the door opens and Suki rushes out followed by Sokka, Zuko, Hakoda and Chit Sang. Hakoda turns towards Chit Sang and points to the inside of the gondola. Chit Sang proceeds to throw the warden back in.) Hakoda: (Cut to the back of Hakoda's head looking at the warden lying on the floor) Sorry Warden, your record is officially broken. (Hakoda walks off screen while the warden continues to struggle on the floor. Cut to a front shot of the group as they run up a rocky incline.) Suki: Well, we made it out. Now what? Sokka: (Sokka stops and looks back at Zuko who pauses in his tracks, thinking) Zuko, what are you doing? Zuko: My sister was on that island. Sokka: Yeah and she's probably right behind us. So let's not stop. Zuko: What I mean is she must have come here somehow. (He runs to the edge of the rocks and looks down) There. (Cut to an area looking up at the edge of the cliff) That's our way out of here. (Camera pans down to reveal a Fire Nation zeppelin docked at the shore.

Zuko says Mai’s name once and then abandons her (to die?) with zero hesitation.  This is probably objectively the correct decision. It would probably be extremely difficult and dangerous if not outright impossible to save Mai.  The prison-break crew do have access to an airship, but it’s difficult to fly an airship over the lake’s thermals.

Yet that’s not my point. Zuko abandons Mai with zero hesitation, with zero anguish, with zero angst. He doesn’t even to seem consider the possibility that he should save her.  Something tells me if Iroh had just saved Zuko’s life under identical circumstances and then was in imminent risk of harm, Zuko would act very differently, that Sokka, Suki, and Hakoda would have to drag him off that island.

Zuko’s complete disregard for Mai continues for the rest the series. Remember this exchange from “The Cave of Two Lovers”?

Zuko: (losing his patience) We're not taking any more chances with these plants! We need to get help. Iroh: But where are we going to go? We're enemies of the Earth Kingdom, and fugitives from the Fire Nation. Zuko: (musingly) If the Earth Kingdom, discovers us, they'll have us killed. Iroh: But if the Fire Nation discovers us, we'll be turned over to Azula.

Zuko considers being captured by Azula a worse fate than death!

But do we see Zuko worry once about Mai’s fate? Do we see angst about what might have happened to her? Do we see him make any effort to even discover her fate, much less rescue her?

No. In fact, Zuko launches a sophisticated operation to infiltrate a Fire Nation information center so that he can gain intelligence in order to help Katara murder someone so that she’ll like him, but he doesn’t even consider doing the same to find out about Mai’s fate so that he could potentially rescue her. Zuko doesn’t even mention Mai once after Boiling Rock until the very end of the series finale, even though she sacrificed herself to save him. Remember this exchange(“Sozin’s Comet, Part 3”):

Zuko: Sorry, but you're not going to become Fire Lord today. (jumps off Appa) I am. Azula: (laughs) You're hilarious. Katara: (standing beside Zuko) And you're going down. (The fire sage motions to crown Azula, but she raises her hand, signalling him to stop.) Azula: Wait. You want to be Fire Lord Fine. Let's settle this. Just you and me, brother. The showdown that was always meant to be. Agni Kai! Zuko: You're on. (Katara turns to Zuko, surprised. Cut to a close up of Azula's lips as the curls into a smile. Cut back to Katara and Zuko.) Katara: What are you doing? She's playing you. She knows she can't take us both so she is trying to separate us. Zuko: I know. But I can take her this time. Katara: But even you admitted to your Uncle that you would need help facing Azula. Zuko: There's something off about her, I can't explain it but she's slipping. And this way, no one else has to get hurt. (Fade to a shot of the courtyard from the side. The camera pans from Zuko kneeling on the right end to Azula kneeling on the left end. Cut to a shot of Zuko rising and turning around, then cut to a shot of Azula rising. Each can be seen behind the other. Cut to a shot of Azula from the front turning and removing the Fire Lord robes.) Azula: I'm sorry it has to end this way, brother. Zuko: (in his stance) No, you're not.

Notice something? Zuko doesn’t demand to know what happened to Mai! It’s almost like he forgot she existed!

Now we turn to the final infamous exchange(“Sozin’s Comet, Part 4”):

Mai:(off screen) You need some help with that? (He looks up surprised and moves aside to reveal Mai leaning against the doorway. Cut to a close up of Mai as she walks towards Zuko.) Zuko: (Cut to a delighted Zuko) Mai! (Walks off screen) You're ok. (Cut to an area behind Mai's back as Zuko opens his arms out in a hug) They let you out of prison? (Mai walks behind Zuko and lifts up his empty robe sleeve.) Mai: My uncle (Zuko puts his arms through the sleeve) pulled some strings, (she proceeds to fasten his robe) and it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend. (She walks in front of Zuko and places a hand on his chest) Zuko: So does this mean you don't hate me anymore? Mai: (she blushes) I think it means... (Cut to a close up of the couple) I actually (places a hand on Zuko's cheek) kind of like you. (They lean in for a kiss and part a fewseconds later, looking into each other's eyes happily) But don't ever (She jabs a finger into Zuko's shoulder and Zuko's eye traces the movement of her finger) break up (She lifts her finger into the air and Zuko's eyes still follows it) with me again. (She jabs her finger into Zuko's shoulder one last time and Zuko smiles goofily. They embrace and the camera zooms out slowly.

Zuko seems surprised to learn that Mai is OK, almost like he made no effort to find out her fate once he took charge of the Fire Nation. And indeed, his first acts as leader of the Fire Nation were not to find out what happened to her or, if he actually knew, to get her released from prison.  Mai only got released from prison when her uncle and his connections got sufficiently confident that Zuko had been completely accepted as the new leader to release a massive traitor completely on their own initiative.  This was quite possibly weeks after Azula-Zuko Agni Kai, yet he made no apparent effort to get her released. It’s almost like Zuko completely forgot about Mai, even though she sacrificed herself to save him.

And, of course, Zuko doesn’t accept responsibility for any of the awful ways he treated Mai, much less apologize to her or offer any guarantee he will behave better in the future. Mai still forgives him anyways, just like she did in “The Beach,” only for Zuko to continue to screw her over. There is something deeply depressing here, as there’s every reason to believe that Zuko will screw over Mai over, devalue her, and disregard her well-being, desires, and interests again the moment it’s convenient for him to do so. He certainly has not recognized that his toxic behavior here is something he needs to stop doing. Ironically, the comics get this right by having Zuko try to use his power as Firelord to order Mai to stay his girlfriend.

Ultimately, Zuko loves Mai and cares about her deeply, yet he still treats her as a tool and acts like she exists to serve him. It reminds me how show! canon Ozai genuinely loved show! canon Ursa, but still used her as a tool and threw her away.  Honestly, I doubt 16-year-old Zuko is really ready for any romantic relationship at all, given his often toxic behavior, his trauma, and the incredibly stressful position he’s placed in at the end of the series.

[strawwritesfic]

Brock Rumlow x Female!Former SHIELD Agent!Reader: Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Fried

Summary: All old flames grow cold eventually–Excepting, of course, yours.

Rating/Warnings/Tags: T (bad language, torture, physical abuse, beating, brainwashing, post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier)

Fic Trade Prompt: “Don’t make my job too easy~ ;)” Plus, I got to pick the character to write for this time around.

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Fried

You awoke with a start in complete darkness with one hell of a headache pounding through your skull. Where you were and how you’d got to wherever that was you didn’t know, but it didn’t feel like you’d come along willingly. A multitude of invisible cuts stung up and down your body; your stomach felt as though it had had its contents punched out of it recently; and maybe you couldn’t see to confirm this, but you were pretty sure your left eye was swollen shut. Worst of all, every cell inside of you felt dry and hot and buzzy, as though you’d spent the evening before playing test subject for a new line of Tasers.

But what had happened mattered very little in comparison to your present predicament. You could catalog injuries once you were definitely safe. It didn’t take long for you to decide that your current location wasn’t that. Straining your ears, you heard nothing. No hum of electricity. No faint whir of a security camera. No chattering from anyone keeping guard. Eerie, you thought, until you decided to stand up…

…and found your arms clamped tightly to a couple of armrests. You had not realized that you were sitting down in an actual chair until you were unable to lift your wrists. Try as you might, no matter what angle you used, the restraints wouldn’t budge. Your ankles were in a similar state. Gritting your teeth, you mentally prepared to dislocate the bones. Nothing you hadn’t done before, but never a pleasant prospect. On the count of three. Three…two–

“Good morning,” came a deep voice from another corner of the room, “sweetheart.”

The sudden appearance of someone in your cell was not what caused you to freeze. No, you only stopped your attempts to get loose because you recognized the voice. You squinted into the dark. Still you could hear no breathing, see nothing further than the pitch black two inches from your nose. But then again, this man should have been a ghost.

“Brock?” you asked, voice raspy. Sounded (and felt) like you’d been smacked in the trachea, too.

A rumble of laughter answered you, but no footsteps. “I don’t go by that name anymore. But it’s good to hear you haven’t forgotten me entirely. Thought you might have, the way you’ve been treating me.”

Those three sentences were all it took to force the shock out of your system and flood it instead with frustration and anger. You clenched your fists into useless balls, rattling your cuffs as you did.

“I haven’t been treating you any way,” you said. “Not since INSIGHT. Not since Hydra.”

You glared in the direction from which Brock’s voice had issued, but still you could see no sign of him. Wherever you were, there were no windows. He had to be there, though; you hadn’t heard him move away or out. Sure enough, when he spoke again, he sounded close by:

“Don’t pretend that you leaving had anything to do with either of those.”

“Oh yeah? And why else would I leave you? Because you’re such a wonderful person, I’d be a fool not to stay?”

This time, the silence that stretched out after your final question lasted long enough for you to start wondering if Brock really was in there with you. He always did know how to stay silent and still–a boon working as the head of STRIKE–but even he had to shift sometimes, even he had to breathe. Maybe he had an intercom rigged up. You tried to hold your breath to listen for him again to no avail. Then you did hear a breath, a long, rattling almost laugh.

“Oh, I don’t know.” A click sounded just before the room was flooded with light. Your eyes snapped shut to avoid the pain that surged through your already throbbing head for what little good that did. “How about this?”

It took you a few seconds to force your eyelids back open. Sure enough, your left would hardly move. Through what remained of your field of vision, you could not see much through the sudden haze of light–not much outside of a dark shape in the corner of the huge room, that was. You blinked, and the figure came into focus: a dark-haired man sitting against a wall of security deposit boxes, and wearing thick, dark armor. As soon as your gaze reached his face, Brock grinned.

“Normally I wear the mask.” He stood, gesturing to a helmet sitting by his feet. It, too, was black, but with a skull blasted across its face in white paint. Then Brock kicked the mask to the side and strode purposely over to where you were clamped to the chair. “But I don’t need to wear it for you. No secrets between us, [Name]. Isn’t that right?”

Up close, you could see his features better even through your damaged eye. However you looked, you definitely looked better than Brock. His face was a twisted mass of reddened flesh. As you took his new appearance in, he drew closer, leering down at you. You shrank away, but all this did was make him chuckle.

“I thought so. Couldn’t stand to be with someone so ugly, could you?”

You swallowed thickly. “I didn’t see that before I left.”

Brock laughed again. “You’re a damn shitty liar. Always have been. You think I didn’t know? You think I was deaf and dumb under all those bandages? You think I had any delusions that my girl would stay by my side after Captain America demolished a building on top of my fucking face?!”

His voice rose in volume and intensity, and with each sentence, he thrust himself further into your personal space. You made yourself stay in place, though your heaving chest betrayed your fears.

“I left because you were working with Hydra, Brock,” you said, willing your voice to stay even. “Because I don’t want to be with a terrorist–”

“Terrorist!” he shouted, and for one blessed moment he stepped away from you. Unfortunately, he was soon back and closer than ever, his nose practically pressed to your own. “I’m a mercenary, sweetheart. I work for the highest bidder, and don’t you go pretending you’re not just the same as me.”

“I’m not like you. I don’t work for Hydra. I don’t work for SHIELD anymore either. I’m doing real work, good work, with the–”

“With the Avengers. Yeah. I heard.”

Despite his claims to have already known about your present employment, Brock appeared put off by the news. He turned away from you, pressed his hand to his mouth, and shook his head. You took advantage of his distraction to again attempt to get at least one hand out of your shackles. Too bad they seemed to be made for someone much, much stronger than you.

And then Brock was back, smiling so widely that his eyes turned to half-moons inside their scarred lids.

“I was good to you, wasn’t I? Brought you flowers, like a good boyfriend. Took you out for dinner. Walked you home from work, cuddled with you at night, bought your goddamn tampons! And what did it get me? What good did any of that do?”

To that you had no proper response. All you could do was stare, captivity momentarily forgotten in the light of the dawning realization that your ex-boyfriend had gone completely insane. Yes, Brock had done all of those things for you, for years. You had been happy with him for all those years. You had thought you’d been lucky to be with the guy that headed STRIKE, one of SHIELD’S golden boys, the most handsome man in the whole organization. All the same:

“I don’t date Nazis,” you snarled.

“Is that what you think I was? A Nazi?” Brock shook his head, but then seemed to drop the subject, his mind wandering as his dark eyes traveled up above your head. “Never let the higher ups take you in, either. Wasn’t like they didn’t want to. Good enough to be an Avenger, Agent [L Name]. Could’ve had you conditioned by someone who knew what they were doing, and we would have never been in this mess.”

“What mess?” you asked, if only to keep Brock talking. A little further, and you thought you might have a chance of dislocating your wrist just enough to slip out of Brock’s restraints.

Brock said nothing.

“Brock,” you said once more, “what mess?”

He seemed to only then remember you were there. His eyes drew slowly down until he was staring right into yours, seemingly oblivious to your desire to get free. “

Tell me you still love me, [Name],” he said, sounding almost normal.

“Excuse me?”

“Tell me you still love me,” he repeated. “Tell me you still love me, and none of this has to happen.”

“None of what has to happen?”

“Just tell me that you’ll take me back! The rest of it doesn’t matter. Just tell me that you still love me!”

You mustered all of your energy, looked Brock dead in the eye, and spat in his disgusting face. He froze.

“The man I fell in love with was just that–a man.,” you said breathlessly. “What are you? Some burnt shell, that’s all that left. Not even enough courage to take me on face to face. You’re pathe–”

One thickly gloved hand shot out viper-fast and put your jaw in a vice grip. Brock’s lips pulled back into a snarl that gave way to another laugh that raised the hairs on the back of your neck.

“Careful, [Name]. I brought you here to kill you. Don’t make my job too easy.” He winked, a gesture that you did not return. His smile faded as his fingers gripped your chin even tighter. “Either you’re leaving here mine, or you ain’t leaving here at all.”

“And what is that supposed to mean? You’ve been babbling since you got me here. Tell me what your plan is, if you’re so proud of it.”

He considered you for a long moment–too long. Your jaw ached; you could feel his fingers pressing bruises into your skin. At last, he released you, then gestured up to where he had been looking only a few minutes before.

“You’re sittin’ in a real special chair, darling,” he said as your own eyes traveled upward.

Your heart gave a great thud as you realized exactly where you were. You’d seen the Winter Soldier’s files, and unless you could get out of there, you were screwed.

“Brock–”

“See, this here bank’s a front for Hydra,” Brock went on as though he couldn’t hear you. Who knew? He was far gone enough that maybe he couldn’t. “But they dropped it like a hot potato after Rogers fucked over Project INSIGHT. Once upon a time, they used to strap Cap’s old war buddy into this and fry the living daylights out of his skull. Only saw it done a few times myself, but how hard could it be?”

“You wouldn’t.”

His new, predatory smile returned. “Wouldn’t I? How do you know I haven’t already done it? That’s what this setup is for, after all. Memory loss. And I want you back pretty damn bad.”

He had a good point. Your head definitely felt like it had been put through the ringer–but unless a lot more time had passed than your body could account for, you still had all your memories. In fact, you had enough memories to know that you weren’t about to beg this man for your life.

“You’re not going to get away with this,” you said in as dangerous a voice as you could muster.

Brock ignored you, walking over to where a very obvious lever had been installed near your chair. Before you could say anything more, he pulled it, and your chair–Bucky’s chair–shifted slowly backwards. The mechanism above your head jolted to life, then drifted down toward your head. Only then did Brock answer you:

“Who’s gonna come for you? SHIELD? Don’t make me laugh. They know about us. They’ll think you were in on it all along. A Nazi terrorist, just like you said. Always spouting the company line. And the Avengers?” Here he did laugh. “Think they got better things to care about than where you slipped off to in the middle of the night. Never got in the habit of staying in one place too long, did you?”

He was right. He was right, and what was worse, begging was beginning to seem a better and better option the longer the whirring in the chair went on. You rattled your wrists, rattled your ankles, arched your back to strain with all your strength against your bonds, but nothing moved or loosened. Of course it didn’t. This machine was built for a super soldier. What were you compared to Bucky Barnes?

Brock Rumlow’s haunting laugh started up again in nearby. His hand reached out to press your shoulder back hard against the backrest.

“Don’t worry so much, [Name],” he said. “I might not have the finesse to pick and choose what you forget, but it’ll all be over soon either way. When you wake up, we’ll either be back together or–well, you’ll believe that we are when I tell you. I’ve got big plans for us. Real big plans.”

You opened your mouth to retort. How, you didn’t really know–but any possibility of a retort vanished the very next second. All that came out of your lips was a scream as the surge of electricity from HYDRA’s brainwashing device slammed into your head. You opened your mouth again, and let out another scream. Brock chuckled one last time before he gave your shoulder a final squeeze.

“Welcome back to the dream team, [Name],” he said, but Brock Rumlow had vanished from your thoughts. The whole world had vanished from your thoughts. If you weren’t lucky, neither of them were ever coming back. Everything from there on out was pain and order, order and pain.

[austarus]

Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader Ballistic Confrontations (2/3)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to its rightful owner.

Word Count: 4578

Part 1   Part 3

Oliver’s eyes narrowed at the doppelganger he had struck down. What a fool. Oliver-X nudged the body with his foot before giving the unconscious Thawne doppelganger a rough kick to the chest. The impact of the sound was drowned out by the alarm. The body had lurched to the side and the man’s glasses flew off his face, yet still no response. A cruel smirk crossed the Dark Arrow’s features, secretly feeling satisfied on taking out his pent-up rage towards Thawne against a weak mirror image. A damned fool to not be prepared for a secondary attack. He should have known better. Oliver hummed to his thoughts, his eyes showing nothing but utter coldness. Ruthlessness. This was his path after all. Weak, just like the rest of this world. It’s so-called ‘heroes’. Pathetic. Oliver looked on with no remorse as he walked through the halls, boots.

“Such a shame.”

This is what needs to be done. An image of his Kara drifted to his mind, the way her body convulsed. The blood that lingered. Her smile fading. But Oliver-X shook it away. She would be fine with their forces at the warehouse, there was enough action going on in order to legitimize the scope of their distraction while he infiltrated his doppelgangers base of operation. Thawne’s labs- or as Oliver thought of it, Thawne’s Castle of Cards. He is the only one among them that knows it tech and secrets inside-out. The Queen doppelganger cracked his neck, readjusting the bow in his hand as he braced himself to face-off with the lackeys that were left over in this forsaken excuse for a laboratory. Everything is going according to plan.

***

Mick and Frost had already left, planning to intercept the Earth-Xers in the Speed Lab. Meanwhile you were to stay with the ladies as backup. Electricity hummed through your veins as adrenaline pumped. Multiple camera feeds showed your friends either fighting or getting dragged to the Pipeline. Still radio silence from the others. You gritted your teeth as your eyes focused on the screen where the fiends threw Harry into a cell like ragdoll. Their first victim. One thing was for sure, Oliver-X was here directing the grunts while his cohorts were distracting the dispatched heroes. Felicity had her tablet handy in case she needed to work her tech magic, shutting down the Cortex mainframe from being accessed by Oliver-X and his cronies. Iris had quickly suggested the vents were the best place to hide until they can determine what necessary steps you three would need to take to get to the others. The three of you would not succumb to the position of sitting ducks. Unfortunately, Iris didn’t have enough time to grab a laser rifle from the closet.

You climbed into the vents first with quiet movements, Felicity following and Iris behind her to seal the vent. Closing your eyes for a moment, you focused- tuning out Iris and Felicity’s hushed words of worry for their men and your friends. You tuned out the dull thrum of electricity that emitted from the labs’ computer system, focusing on one type. Cellular electricity. Human generated electricity. Snapping your eyes open, you lead them down a few routes. The two women chalked it up to your knowledge of the ventilation system as you’d hid here multiple times to escape the tension in the Cortex, but really it had been the intensity of electricity that steered you. The multiple electrical signals that spiked made you keen on navigating away from those corridors and rooms. More Nazi’s would be on guard there. One little scuffle with the wrong group could alert Oliver-X. You breathed a sigh of relief as the neural electricity passed by, unaware of what lies just above.

Iris didn’t know, neither did Felicity. No, they would never know. No one would. No one would ever know that you could shatter a person’s nervous system with a flick of the wrist. Never know that you can put the one of the most vital organs into cardiac arrest. Cardiac arrest usually resulted from an electrical disturbance in the heart. It's not the same as a heart attack. Shutting down cells, yet overstimulating neurons. How would the human body fare? They were… morbid curiosities that haunted you. But rather giving into those conjectures you settled for a milder solution, immersing yourself into the field of electrical neurophysiology rather than contemplating how a person can expire by your will. Eobard had been intrigued with your desire to understand the physiological field that your powers can be derived from. He helped you, of course, entertaining the electricity that sparked in your eyes with understanding. You breezed through medical articles and journals, understanding the neural circuitry and it’s outlets. Yet, your intent wasn’t to kill (not to his surprise), just to render an adversary unconscious for a period of time. Or in a speedster’s case, the ability to jumpstart their heart and motor functions. Stimulating a failing organ, should the situation arise. Even in a way to hypothetically understand how a speedster’s body can siphon off your generated electricity without harming their natural laws of the Speedforce.

But like any meta, there were hypothetical limits and lines drawn, even to a possible conclusion of short-circuiting your own body without careful proctoring. You’d be lying to yourself if you hadn’t wanted to push your abilities further than that, but you hesitated. The desire was strong, but the darkness was too powerful. Could you afford the hypothetical blood on your hands? Would you be able to sleep at night, knowing that you’d be just another monster? Questions like that swirled in your head, but it’s the remembrance of your friends that you didn’t give into that… dark instinct.

You’d done it before. Once. On accident of course, but you were overwhelmed with anger and terror and fear that night. Trudging on, that moment resurfaced to the front of your mind. Your skin prickled as you remembered the sensation. Feeling the meta’s heart stop and mind short-circuit with neural electricity. The body shut down. The electricity out as if you’d turn off the lights inside the intruder’s body. You didn’t mean to. You were just scared. There was just… so much blood. Blood on the ground. Blood on Harry. Harry’s blood. Your breath hitched for a moment, but the two ladies behind you were none-the-wiser. Swallowing harshly, you pushed the image of the dead meta and Harry’s half-terrified/half-surprised face. You both never talked about that incident, nor did he ever bring it up to the others. It wasn’t his right to, after all. Two years had past, but that incident remained with you. You’d sworn that a moment like that wouldn’t occur. The guilt was too great on your conscious even if it was for self-defense. But…

Looking down from the vent opening, you realized your electrical instincts had brought you close to the entrance of the Time Vault. It was the one place Felicity and Iris can at least hold off in. You just needed to buy them some time. Felicity is more than capable of utilizing Gideon into locking the Time Vault, especially without Eobard around. After a few minutes had passed, you deemed that it was safe enough to drop down. You found the panel entrance, unlocking the pebbled room with your handprint to the side of the panel. Felicity and Iris jumped down, your plan dawning on them. You eased them in with a push. The fake panel wall reintegrated shut. You didn’t have much time.

“Find a way to get in contact with the Legends,” You spoke as the door had shut. “Smalls and Tinman should be aboard with Amaya.”

“What are you going to do?” Iris frowned as Felicity got to work.

“Buy you some time,” you breathed, pulling out your gloves. “It’s all that we can work with at the moment before the Dark Archer decides to play Cat and Mouse with us. If anything goes south, don’t look for me.” You needed to make sure.

“But-”

“Iris, please.” Your eyes trained on her, reluctance present in her demeanor. “Trust me.” She nodded. You left.

Now, who would be the cat and who would be the mouse, I wonder? You mused, climbing into the nearest low vent.

***

“Excellent, I will rendezvous at the warehouse,” Oliver-X nodded, his hand on his comm system. The heroes have been detained, her doppelganger seized. His own doppelganger caught. No more tricks. The labs were secure, remnants of the Earth-1 fighters detained. All is going according to plan. His lips twitched up.

“Did you know that the human body can only generate between 10 and 100 millivolts?”

You jumped down from the vent, landing perfectly on stable footing. The Dark Archer had his arrow and bow drawn in an instant, readily aimed at you. He watched you with careful, stormy eyes. You both stood in silence. One move and he could off me, but so could I. Your gloved fingers fidgeted; a subtle flicker of electricity honed there. “Such a fickle thing, really, when there’s an electrical imbalance within the body. Various things can go wrong.”

The Dark Archer’s eyes narrowed, noting the underlying threat in your words. “You’d be smarter to run. Wouldn’t want to end up like the others.”

“I don’t run from danger.” You smiled wickedly.

“Such naïve words from a hero.”

The dead meta flashed through you mind again. The blood on your hands. Would you do it again? For your friends? Your family? “I’m no hero.” Yes.

You two had circled each other in the dimly light room, tension thick in the air. Dust collected here and there, white sheets covered table and monitors. Oliver-X was amused, to say the least, his eyes locked on you with every intent to-

“-To my knowledge you have a speedster in your arsenal.”

He didn’t blink. “What of it?”

You rolled your eyes. Really, such a man with little words. “Take me to him.” Your hand balled into a fist The bulb behind Oliver-X shattered instantly, yet he did not flinch or look back.

As fun as this could be, I’m not here to play games.

“You are in no place to make such demands.”

Neither is he.

“It’s not a demand, just an innocent request. Indulge me, breacher.” You held your head higher, “You’re not the only one with a love.” You sensed his hesitation as he understood. So, you pushed. “The radiation is killing her, isn’t it? Flew too close to the sun, like poor Icarus.” You couldn’t help but taunt him. Oh, it felt good. Felicity had given you the run down, reiterating Alex’s hypothesis in regarding what she found in Kara-X’s blood cells. It didn’t take a genius to understand why they came here. Why they’d come now. With Eobard in tow. “Too much is too much, in the end. But… that’s why you’re here, right? To fix your love before- well, before the radiation eats at her.” You huffed a laugh and paused. Another lightbulb burst. Each out releasing electrical energy. “Right?”

An arrow whizzed past your head, hitting the wall behind you. The Dark Archer’s patience was running thin. You swallowed thickly but didn’t cower. Fear tickled the back of your mind, but you pushed it away. You needed emotions to overwhelm him into slipping. It clouded rational thinking in even the most skilled assailants. Eobard had drilled that into you.

Breep, breep, breep.

The SS alarm rang against his person. You tilted your head at him, curiously watching what he’d do next. If he chose to fight, then so would you with every ounce of energy in your system and that surrounding you. That comm, you could use that. That’s assuming it didn’t self-destruct when out of his reach.

Oliver-X grunted. His time was running, he needed to get to the rendezvous point. “Fortunately for you, I’m in a good mood. However, one foot out of line and you’ll be joining your friends on this earth’s makeshift cells.” He grabbed you by the upper arm and dragged you to walk with him. “That or an arrow to the heart.” Blunt just like Ollie. Well, this is better than being dead. Yay for progress.

***

Yawning, you shifted a bit in your seat. Your hands were bound behind you and there were two Nazi soldier guards to each side. In a sense, you were absolutely bored. Neither soldier paid you any mind and your hands were getting kind of numb from how long it’s been held back there. Basically Oliver-X dumped you onto them and gave them permission to kill should you escape your babysitters. Great. How long has it been? An hour? Two hours? Where were the others?

“So,” You broke the set silence. “Does this job give you guys any benefits, or do you guys have to like… find your own medical insurer? Does your Earth even do that?”

“Silence, we do not acknowledge such petty talk from someone of your caliber.” Soldier 1 had his finger on the trigger as he turned to you.

Someone’s crabby today. “Well, that was rude. I was just asking a question. Are you guys always this ill-mannered?”

“No, Ian just didn’t have his coffee today and he’s pulling some overtime.” Soldier 2 spoke up from polishing his weapon. Interesting, meaning that it’d be easier to take him out since he’s running on lack of sleep and is exhausted. This guy, though, seems more alert so I’ll maybe have to take his buddy hostage before whacking him.

“Devon! You’re not supposed to be fraternizing with the enemy?”

“How is it fraternizing if it has nothing to do with the General’s heart?”

I think he’s talking about Kara-X. “Devon does have a point,” you piped up. “Honestly, just-”

You blinked and Eobard had sped into the room, wind blowing as he had entered. Negative electricity deliciously licked in the air. Your heart skipped a bit as his red eyes met yours, but your mind anchored you. “Get out,” his distorted voice had hissed at the guards, both who had which shuffled out like ants. You weren’t going to miss them, though their bickering did entertain you. In an instant you were free from the power dampening cuffs and Eobard had drawn his cowl down from over his head along with his techy face shield-mask thing. Just seemed excessive. He took a step towards you with a hand outstretched, but you leaped from your chair and stepped back with a hardened look.

“Don’t touch me.”

A flicker of pain resonated in his eyes, something hollow hit your own heart, but this needed to be done. You needed answers from him, so you kept your distance. “This… isn’t the welcome back reunion I was expecting.”

“Screw whatever it was you were expecting,” You spat, eyeing the SS on his chest in lightning bolt form with disgust. It replaced his Reverse Flash insignia. “Nazi’s, Eobard? Really? What the hell are you doing?”

“You’re angry. Understandable.”

“Of course, I’m angry! You were gone. All of a sudden, three years ago. Erased from existence. And now you’re just… here. With Nazi’s no less. You hate them!”

He licked his lips, frustration present in his tone. He did hate them, every last one of them. “I was just trying to survive.”

“Really? Really? Like this?”

“I had no choice. I just needed some time. Time that-”

You shook your head at him, anger sparking within you. “-No, do not give me the whole ‘time’ bullshit. You can save that for Barry. You owe me an explanation before I decide to over-write every one of your friends’ brains here.”

“They are not my friends,” Eobard retaliated fiercely, he took a breath to calm down. “Did Barry not tell you?”

“Tell me what?” You questioned through gritted teeth.

“You want an explanation,” Eobard had spoken before he whisked you away to the top of one of the Central City towers. The air was crisp, drizzle cascading onto the city. You regained your footing; Eobard gripped your upper arms to steady you before letting go. Message received that you didn’t want him to touch you. “Fine, I’ll give you an explanation. When Barry saved his mother and changed the timeline, he had pulled me from that night and caged me. Like an animal. But,” The yellow speedster started chuckling to himself, doing the little pace he did when he did his monologues. Yes, he does it frequently. “He needed me. He needed me to fix his mistakes. He was losing his speed, his memories of the previous life he had. And oh, did I relish in making him say what he needed me to do the most.” You just rolled your eyes, arms crossing.

“Get to the point, Thawne.”

“One thing led to another and certain… things happened with the Legends and I ended up in the Speedforce after the Black Flash got me, after being erased again. Or so I thought. I… The Speedforce works in mysterious ways, you see. It punished me in for my deeds by sending me to the most miserable place in the multiverse.”

“Earth-X.”

“Precisely. You’ve seen just how ruthless they are, anyone with powers that had opposed them were decimated. I couldn’t die. Not again. I wouldn’t allow it to happen again. Not like that and certainly not at their hands.”

“But others can?”

That stung him. Eobard paused for a moment before his eyes reconnected with yours. “No matter what I could do, they would have found me out. To the expense of those lives, they were already targeted for death regardless of how they can plea or be helped. There’s a resistance group, it’s only a gamble of fate if they’re snuffed out or snuff out the Reich. I was confined to their labs because of my intellect and speed. My task was simple. Find a solution to Overgirl. Fast.”

“And that was to come here. To cut open Kara for her.”

“Here’s the tricky part that they don’t know,” Eobard grinned wickedly, giving you that little look that says he’s got a wildcard up his sleeve, “a heart that they’re so desperately chasing after won’t save Kara-X.”

Enlightenment flared up in your mind. Eobard took a step towards you, this time you didn’t back away. He recognized that look. “A heart won’t stop the cells in her body from replicating and contaminating the heart cells once more. You threw them a bone to get here.”

Eobard nodded, “I studied her anatomy, I’ve made the calculations. Even with a new heart she’d just revert back to her previous radioactive state. The heart would be a temporary fix, but her internal organs are all infected. Festering.” The man in the yellow suit rubbed his lips with two fingers, a move he does when his nerves were getting out of his control. When things were going south, and he needed to recalculate and try a different approach. “I manipulated the calculations in order to seem like the heart would be a reasonable solution along with pumping Kara-X with new blood. Didn’t take long, of course. But I made sure I was the only scientist working on this project. I couldn’t have a liability if others were involved, else they would have made sure I would never run again.” The speedster had marked those words grimly.

Your throat went dry. Death had been haunting Eobard since he had gotten stuck in your time, it even followed him to Earth-X, the place of his punishment. You could have lost him without knowing. You did. Back when he get involved with the Legends, apparently. The speedster stepped closer, the back of his gloved hand brushing against your cheek. You flinched back to reality at the situation, back to the reality of him. Eobard’s heart tugged at the idea that you were seeing him as the rest of those monsters. While he was one, he wasn’t like the ones from Earth-X.

“And Oliver-X is too blinded by his love for her that he’d go to any extent to get her back to 100%.” You summed up. Like how Eobard had done anything to come back here. You gingerly took his hand. What a mess.

“There wasn’t a moment when I hadn’t thought of you while there. But I needed a way back, I needed to get back here. Back to you. I wanted to come back, needed to or else I was going to go insane without you. I was going to lose my sanity and myself there. But the thought of you kept me together. And I would do anything. Even if it did mean ‘allying’ myself with them,” he had done air quotes around that word, “in order to get back here. To my Earth. To you.”

His words echoed in your mind. Anything could be anything. “That won’t excuse what you’ve done. What… what you’d been doing.” I can’t fathom the thought of him… carrying out those heinous crimes and missions. Yes, Eobard is no stranger to committing a felony or five. But to the degree of these Earth-Xers?

“No, it doesn’t.” He wanted to ask. Eobard so desperately wanted to ask for forgiveness, but he stopped himself. “But I hadn’t participated in anything regarding their goals. Just the Overgirl project. Oliver-X wouldn’t have allowed me to anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“You already understand the type of radioactive issue Kara-X is experiencing, provided by Oliver’s Kryptonite arrow.”

“Yeah, Felicity gave me the run down. Her cells have too much solar radiation. Cells subjected to such energy can be fatal to her system. The cells are essentially overwhelmed and overworked that they’re misfunctioning. There’s no regulation in her system or that regulation is waning.”

“The project was the cause… of her imminent downfall. She wanted to be stronger, fly higher, hit harder, so she ordered I subject her to solar rays.”

“Eo, did you-”

“Yes, I did.” He had said it without hesitation. The most logical thing he could have done. Oliver-X, he could handle in a fight. Only a bow and arrow with some fists being thrown, no problem. But Overgirl… “Solar radiation exposure in concentrated time increments were implicated to avoid suspicion on my part. And like I had predicted she demanded a higher dosage when given smaller amounts. Kara-X isn’t a patient person, when she demanded results, she demanded them now. I delivered. She is her own double-edged sword.”

“She was your death sentence,” You deadpanned, you squeezed his hand and he winced. She had broken his wrist earlier when he and Oliver-X were at it. She was not pleased with her threat. “Should you have slipped up.”

“When things don’t go her way she’d take it out on me,” Eobard mused, pulling his hand back to take off his gloves. Recovering bruises and dark spots were on his wrist. Your heart sunk further. “Blamed me for her sickness when even Queen understands it was her lust for power that drove her to this extent.” The genius saw hate flash in your eyes as he felt the electricity spark in the air. “It was either I take her out or the Flash and his friends given her remaining time.”

“Either one would have driven her to her death.”

“Quite frankly, it’d be better for the latter, but since Barry and his entourage were sent away.”

“What do you mean they were sent away?”

“…”

“I think it’s best if I don’t tell you, or else they’ll think something’s up if your reaction isn’t sincere.”

You pursed your lips and deeply frowned. You had gotten your answers, more than that, but then that led to ‘Where the hell did they get taken to?’ And then it hit you like how Weather Wizard hit Barry with an ice ball. Eobard raised an eyebrow at you, knowing you’d figure it out on your own.

“No.”

“I’m afraid so, t-” Breep, breep, breep. Eobard cursed, shutting off the alarm on his person. “We need to go back. Now.” Eobard swooped you up, your arms interlocked around his neck before he sped you back to the labs. Chit-chat over. Back to facing the real problem. Overgirl.

***

What awaited you was a scene you were not prepared for. Kara strapped down to a gurney under red light, one you can assume is dampening her Kryptonian strength to a mere human. She squirmed and grunted, but to no avail. She could not break free. Overgirl was smirking over her, such cruelty and intense demeanor a strange contrast to the kind and soft-hearted Kara you knew. Oliver-X watched with indifferent eyes as guards were stationed outside the med bay.

“I would stop squirming if I were you,” Kara-X mused. “Wouldn’t want your heart to give out already?”

“At least I have a heart.” Kara retorted.

Upon your entrance with Eobard, Oliver-X’s eyes narrowed slightly while Kara-X crinkled her nose. Kara’s eyes went wide but blinked her surprise away as she glared at the speedster beside you. She hadn’t forgotten how he said he’d carve her open from earlier.

“Kara,” you whispered, her eyes were brought back to you and you shook your head subtly.

“Well, well. I didn’t know you liked to play with the rats, Eobard.” Overgirl sneered at you and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes at her. Eobard gritted his teeth but remained silent. You’ve had worse scathing comments thrown your way since being with Eobard before the accelerator explosion. Being called a rat wasn’t anything. Kara-X frowned at your lack of response. “Now, who’s this little… rodent?”

“That’s none of your-“

“-His love.” Oliver-X cut Eobard off. Kara’s eyebrows went up from where she laid.

Kara-X drawled in morbid amusement with a clap of her hands, “How touching.” A twisted smile ran across her lips as her eyes scanned you and Eobard carefully. Eobard had placed restraints on you once more but had whispered to you that they were loose enough for you to slip out should hostilities arise. “Who knew that the bastard speedster had a heart. Such emotions. A person that actually ate up his lies and loved him. Just another monster. Interesting, interesting. Makes this all the easier to-”

“You lay one hand on her, and I’ll personally see to it that you never get your new heart and he dies an excruciating painful and slow death.” Eobard didn’t smirk at the Kryptonian-X. His words were slow and they were lethal. Rather his signature smirk appeared, “After all, I’m the only one fully equipped and to successfully perform your surgery before your time runs out.” He glanced at the wall clock, the second hand moving along with each tick. “Tick tock, time is ticking. For you.” Kara glanced between you and Eobard then to Oliver-X and her doppelganger.

“You insolent-”

“Kara,” The Dark Archer stopped her, a hand gripping her upper arm harshly. She looked him dead in the eye, so much hate, so much anger. Clouded emotions. Oliver-X’s own eyes challenged her in a silent match, “Enough. Let’s go.”

The pair left you and Eobard with Kara, but not before throwing disgusted looks your way. You turned back to Eobard, who had changed back into his normal choice of all-black clothing. You gave him a pointed look, which he understood perfectly.

Now what do we do?

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Marvel What If’s Women Problem

Welcome back to the feminist rant!

I really didn’t intend to spend three weeks in a row writing about the Marvel animated series What If…? But I wanted to see this through.

Last week we talked about this show’s abundant use of the “fridged woman” trope. However, a show doesn’t need to kill its female characters in order to fail them.

Remember that time I made up a feminist movie test? I call it the “Want Test.” You can read the full explanation here, but here’s the summary:

This test requires that a film (or, in this case, an episode of a TV show) has at least one named female character. After watching the show, ask, “Does what the named female character want matter to the plot?” Then, score the movie based on the answer to this question.

If the answer is “Yes, what the named female character wants matters to the plot,” then give the movie a checkmark!”

If the answer is “Yes, AND this is true of multiple named female characters,” then the movie gets a check-plus. If these characters help each other get what they want, the movie gets a check-double-plus!

If the answer is “Yes, BUT her wants are an obstacle to a male character’s goal,” then the movie gets a check-minus. The woman may matter to the plot, but her importance is centered on her relationship to a male character and how much he matters to the plot. Often movies with a check-minus involve a male protagonist actively trying to stop a female character from getting what she wants; while she has an impact on the world around her, the movie isn’t rooting for the woman.

If the answer is “No, what she wants doesn’t matter,” then the movie fails the test. Give it a minus.

Okay, now let’s talk about Marvel What If. Once again, there are spoilers for the first seven episodes of this show below the cut, and some discussion of the plot points in the movies these episodes are based on.

When I compare the first seven episodes of What If to the Want Test, they each barely scrape their way to a check-minus (though after my rant last week, I’m tempted to edit my test so that a show that fridges a female character automatically fails). In summary, it does not matter what most of the named female characters want. Each episode has a single woman whose wants do affect the plot, but what she wants is always some kind of obstacle to a male character’s goal. Even when the women of What If survive the episode, the male characters’ feelings are the primary engine of the show.

As I neared the end of Episode Six, “What If… Killmonger Rescued Tony Stark?” I said to myself, “Well, at least Pepper and Shuri aren’t dead.” But then, in the last minute of the episode, Shuri and Pepper meet and state their intent to take down Killmonger. And I said to myself, “Okay, so why didn’t we get THAT episode?”

Sure, it’s cool to see two smart girls teaming up, but they don’t get to do anything! This episode repeatedly puts Pepper and Shuri down. Every time they express suspicion of Killmonger, someone contradicts them. What they want does not matter. They are obstacles to the men, and they are easily pushed aside, and so all they can do is stand in the background and watch while the boys run around and play war games.

If your named female characters only matter in the last scene of the show, then they don’t really matter. This episode wasn’t about the women at all. It was about the men killing each other and making each other sad.

*

I really don’t want to say much about the seventh episode, “What If… Thor Were an Only Child?”

What I will say is, “Why, why, WHY is Dr. Jane Foster more concerned about hurting the hot guy’s feelings than she is about how the hot guy is about to cause the end of the world?”

And I will also say, “Why does Captain Marvel need to be nice to Thor at the end of the episode after he spent the entire episode being a jackass to her?”

And I will end this section of the blog post by saying, “Frigga deserves so much better than any man in her family has ever given her.”

*

The second episode of this show, “What If… T’Challa Became a Star-Lord?” might be my favorite episode. Mainly because it’s the only one I genuinely liked while I was watching it. It was fun, and I was happy to hear Chadwick Boseman’s voice one more time. Overall, it’s a lovely tribute to both the actor and his character.

But, for me, liking this episode required ignoring a big problem: Nebula and Thanos’s relationship.

We don’t know exactly when in this timeline T’Challa met Thanos and convinced him to give up on the “murder half the universe” plan. But we do know that even before Thanos collected the Infinity Stones, he was roaming the universe slaughtering millions. We know he committed genocide against Gamora’s people the day he “adopted” her, and it’s safe to assume he did the same to Nebula’s. We know that he raised Gamora and Nebula to fight each other, and every time Nebula lost a fight, he replaced a part of her body with cybernetics, constantly torturing her.

What If never tells us that that Thanos did not abuse his daughters. It never tells us that he did not slaughter millions, including his daughters’ birth families. But it does tell us that Thanos is Nebula’s father. And he wouldn’t be her father if he hadn’t been roaming the universe killing people.

In this episode, we see an adult Nebula who seems to think her dad is annoying, but any feelings she might have about how genuinely terrible he is – feelings she was freely willing to admit in the Guardians of the Galaxy movies – go completely unmentioned.

Thanos and Nebula’s relationship is played for laughs, like they just need to get over their past and hug it out. That bothers me a lot. It’s like the show is saying that Nebula’s pain doesn’t matter. What matters is that Thanos is sad she doesn’t want to hang out with him.

I should also point out that in Avengers: Infinity War, Gamora gets fridged. Her feelings are unimportant to the plot; her stated desire to die before she can be used as a part of Thanos’s plot is mocked and discarded. When she is murdered, the moment of her death is all about how it would hurt Thanos to kill her. Gamora’s death also serves as motivation for Peter Quill to sabotage the other heroes’ efforts to stop Thanos.

Gamora is nowhere to be seen in this episode of What If. The women that Thanos abused really don’t matter here at all.

*

I’ve been putting off talking about this show’s pilot episode, “What If… Captain Carter Were the First Avenger?” This episode was… You know, it was fun, in a very similar way to how the Star Lord T’Challa episode was fun. I can’t lie and say I didn’t like seeing super buff Peggy Carter beat the crap out of Nazis. That was a lot of fun.

But the thing I couldn’t stop thinking while watching was, “This isn’t Peggy’s story. It’s Steve’s!”

Peggy Carter may have gotten the super serum in this reality, but Steve Rogers is still the main driving force of the plot. Peggy goes to Germany to save Steve’s best friend. She works with Steve’s allies, the Howling Commandoes, instead of finding her own. Steve’s issues and emotions are central to everything Peggy does; she may say in dialogue that she wants to end the war, but what we see is that Steve is her motivation. In fact, he’s everyone’s motivation – in the scene where Peggy, Bucky, Howard, and the Howling Commandoes decide to go take down Red Skull, they all go around the table and say that they’re doing it “for Steve.” Not because ending the war is the right thing to do, not because they care about the millions of people murdered and tortured by the Nazis – but because they care about Steve.

When I first heard about this show, I thought that Steve was going to die, and that would be why Captain Carter would exist. The interesting/ironic thing here is that the episode pokes at the idea of fridging Steve, but it doesn’t quite have the guts to go through with it. Everyone thinks that Steve died on the train, but then they find him in Red Skull’s castle, and he’s totally fine! Killing off Captain America would have been an interesting, powerful new direction to take the story. But this episode doesn’t seem interested in taking new directions. It seems more interested in showing how things would stay the same even if Steve didn’t get the serum, even if Peggy switched careers from secret agent to superhero, even if Bucky never became the Winter Soldier, even if Red Skull decided to open a portal to tentacle hell. Things just stay the same.

And I don’t get the point of presenting us with a show where there are “endless possibilities” if things are just going to stay the same. If Peggy Carter will still be a side character in Steve Roger’s story. If Hank Pym’s grief still matters more than Janet and Hope Van Dyne’s lives. If Thanos will still never be held accountable for abusing Gamora and Nebula. If Doctor Strange is still an arrogant jackass. If the only realities we see are ones where men get to act and feel, and women get to be plot devices.

The truth is that the Watcher just isn’t interested in showing us realities where women live and thrive in their own right. For all its emphasis on how different decisions can cause dramatic changes to reality, the creators of What If have no real investment in making different decisions in how they portray female characters. It’s just more of the same.

I’m done thinking about this show. Let’s talk about something else next week, okay?

Be good to yourself, be kind to each other, and you’ll hear from me again soon!

[lightsaberupmybutt]

Three’s a Crowd - Reader/Ben Solo/Poe Damerson (Modern AU)

alright so Ben/Kylo is a big ego kid in this, because of course. Also, Rey is ACTUALLY Lukes daughter in this, making them cousins. Ive fiddled with the plot okay sue me. 

Summary: Poe, Finn and their roommate have been living in a harmonious tenancy, but when Finn decides to move out for a year of travelling, the two are left with no option but to look elsewhere for their third body. Rey Skywalker, a friend of the group, proposes her cousin for the role. He's in a band, wears all black and all in all is somewhat of a social reject - but he's also all theyve got.  

“I think that one was actually somehow worse than last weeks” You tell Poe, as he pours himself a juice and settles down next to you on the sofa. You'd just finished showing around another possible roommate and you felt exhausted in every sense of the word. 

“How can he be worse than the neo nazi?” Poe shot you an unbelieving look and rolled his eyes, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking some of your papers in his wake. 

“Alex was a she, and they asked if they could hang their deer head in the front room” you grimaced even thinking about it, weren't all artsy college students supposed to be vegetarians anyway? why did you have to get saddled with the only blood thirsty one on campus. 

“Thats not so bad”

“Poe she showed me a picture of her taxidermied cat”

“Oh”

You had tried to find a polite way to stop her from passing you her phone, but you were too nice to make her feel uncomfortable, and now the image of the long dead tabby would remain behind your eyes for god knows how long. 

“was she hot?” You shook your head, causing Poe to sigh wistfully. 

“Not hot enough to cancel out her obsession with dead bodies anyway” you informed him, the hopeful look from his eyes gone. 

“Face it Poe, were doomed” You let your head fall into your hands, Poe letting out a laugh before wrapping his arm around your shoulder. 

“Hey we’ll get someone! who wouldn't want to live here?” You knew his question was rhetorical but when looking around the cleaner than usual flat, you had to admit it was missing something. Bare spaces on the walls from where Finn had taken down his pictures, the empty side of the kitchen counter that had once houses his overpriced coffees. You even missed picking up his empty cups after him, the room feeling like it had less character without them. It truly hadn't felt the same in the flat since Finn had left, and although Poe concealed it well, you could see it was getting to him too. Poe had, after all, known Finn first; Finn managing to get a very drunk and outspoken Poe out of a sticky situation he had found himself in when running across a local gang in a dive bar. The ‘first order’ as they so called themselves, had an infamous reputation around campus for being trouble makers and general doers of bad deeds. Ever since that night they had been an unstoppable duo, until they met you of course, and their duo became three. 

You loved Finn, and you knew told miss him like hell, but you also knew that Poe must be feeling that ten times over. 

“You wanna do something tonight?” You asked, changing the subject before his mind  drifted to where yours had. 

“what kind of something?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, 

“Gross” 

“hey I'm serious!”

“what about Razor Crest, they are open late, we could grab some drinks and meet up with some people” 

Razor crest was the only worth while bar in town; it was certainly nothing to write home about, but it played fairly decent music and it had a marginally less sticky floor than others. Additionally, your other friends lived just over from the humble saloon, making it the perfect watering hole for you guys. 

It didn't take much convincing before you had Poe out the door and ready to socialise. Upon arrival, he headed to the bar while you were waved over by Rey, who had already found a booth and was already at least a few drinks in. 

“Look, i think i have a solution to your roomie problemo” She told you, peeking over her straw, a gleam in her eye that made you feel not all too confident in her yet to be spoken plan. 

“Go on” you told her, cautiously. 

“My cousins back in town” She told you between gulps. 

“The weird one?” You asked, 

“Hes not weird, just ...eccentric” the last word was more of a question, but you could tell she was on a roll, 

“He's just joined one of the college bands and Auntie Leia says him and Uncle Han are butting heads” 

“ah cool, weve always wanted  live music in our own flat at 2 am” Poe injected, rejoining the table and placing a drink in front of you before taking a sip of his own. 

“hes not BAD at it, he just plays loud i think” She corrected him, “anyway, he's not a total twat, I'm sure he would be considerate of your sleep schedules” 

“didn't he try and stab you with a stick when you were five” you asked her, you'd heard stories of this cousin before and none of them were quite savoury, 

“that was ages ago! he's like way old now” she was starting to slur her words, but you had a feeling this was something Rey was quite set on. Rey was stubborn, and when she got something in mind she would move hell to make it happen; she was also your best friend, and someone you trusted the judgment off. Had she gotten you into some weird shit in the past? sure. 

Did you have any other options; nay on that. 

“Fine, get Han or Leia to bring him round at some point next week and one of us will give him a tour” You tell her, and she lets out a little happy shrill at her own personal win. Poe, not so much. 

“Speak for yourself, weirdo cousin can see himself around” he crosses his arms and pouts, you give him a little nudge. 

“Hey, maybe you'll be best mates” you offer, but when he shoots you a death stare you go back to your drink.

The family turmoil must have been more vicious than Rey had let in on; It was barely the next morning before you had a tall, intimidating male knocking on your door. 

“Hey!” you offered him, in as cheery a voice as your hung over self would allow.

He looked down at you from his towering height, but gave no verbal response. 

“You must be Ben?...”  He offered you the slightest nod you'd had ever seen in response. Okay so, not much of a talker, noted. 

You waved him in, shutting the door behind him. God, he looked even bigger inside? is that possible? Rey had failed to mention the sheer height on the boy. You'd seen pictures of her and her aunt and uncle, it seemed like Ben was a scientific and biological mystery. Like how did he get clothes to fit? did he have to shop somewhere special or

you were snapped out of your thoughts by a clearing of a throat. 

“So, how much is the rent” so he DID have a voice, 

You informed him automatically, still part dazed. 

“Ill be in by the weekend” he told you, and with a nod he moved past you, making his way back to the door.

“But wait .. y .. you haven't even seen your room yet?” You stumbled, dumbfound by the lack of foreplay. The previous people you had shown around were full of questions; they wanted to know the ins and outs of the place. Ben had seen all of the door way and the front room and he was already signing the lease. 

“See you then” he didn't stop, hand on the door knob as if you hadn't spoken.

“But i don't have your phone number” you don't know why that came to you first, but it was true. At no point had Rey offered you direct contact with Ben, probably assuming he would. It seemed reasonable, that you'd need his number before he moved in, didn't it? Poe was always texting you about random shit in the flat, arguably too much, but it seemed like the norm for people coexisting in such a small space. 

He turned back at you and gave you a confused look, 

“why would you need my number?”

“erm... to talk to you” your condescending tone not completely masked, 

“but ill be living here” he stated, which, he had you there. 

Before you could even think of a response  he was out the door.

True to his word, Ben had his things over by that very same weekend. Although it was unsurprising considering just how light he packed. In fact, other than his bass and musical equipment, you couldn't really think of anything he had actually brought with him to the flat. You got to meet his parents when they dropped him off, both of whom seemed leaps and bounds more conversational than their son. Ironically, you got Leia’s phone number before her sons; her telling you to message if you ever needed anything. It felt like an indirect jab at Ben, a ‘if he fucks up let me know’, but you digress. The tension between Ben and his dad was blatantly obvious, them sharing no words before he got back into the car and Ben into the house. He did give his mum a small hug goodbye though, and you thought you saw a small tear in her eye before she managed to wipe it away. 

Since his move in, Ben had kept painfully to himself. You barely saw him at all in those first days, just heard him through the walls the odd time he dropped something - or saw a plate or cup gone from their places in the kitchen. To be honest , it felt more like a paranormal haunting than a new roommate. Poe was vocal of his apprehension to the situation, sharing glances with you when you would both be in the living room and you'd see ben scurry by or passive aggressively texting you when his favourite cup had been used by someone who wasn't him. it was a relatively small issue, but Poe had blown it so out of proportion that you had ordered a new set of cups from Amazon and sent him the link, shutting him up for a while before he found something else to complain about.

it was the fifth day before you actually bumped into ben again. He was on the sofa with his base set up, twiddling with his amp. The sight surprised you so much you physically jumped back, causing him to look up. crap. act cool. act cool. 

“hey” you offered him

“hi” hi replied back, looking back down at his amp. 

right, yer. his space, give him his space. Just get your stuff and go back to your room. don't speak to him, leave him alone. he clearly wants to be left alone. 

“nice day isn't it” you wanted to cover your mouth, the words coming out against your will. Truthfully, you had no clue why you said it. You hadn't even looked at the weather this morning. Its just what people say right? 

“Erm” his eyes shot to the window and then back to yours,”no”

sure enough, it was pissing it down outside. The sky was actually comically grey and you'd have laughed if you werent so angry at yourself. You were unsure of what to do, and he was still looking at you, almost assessing you. His eyes were so serious and dark they felt like they were burning tiny holes into your skin. shit, you had to speak now right?

While regretting every single life decision that had brought you into this kitchen at this time, Poe sauntered into the room like your night in shining armour, ignoring Ben all together and coming straight over to you, placing a big arm around your shoulders. You saw Ben drop his head back down to this bass, and you used all your might to not let out a sigh of relief.

“Tonight, I'm taking you out” He offered, a cheeky gleam in his eye. 

“Are you now” 

“Razor crest, drinks and dancing, be there or be square” He lists off as if he's a paid promoter, causing you to let out a giggle. 

“Whos invited?” 

“just the gang” he said, causing you to shoot him an eye roll, knowing full well you ‘gang’ consisted of all of three people, yourself and Poe included in that number. 

but then you remembered, there was another person now, whether they liked it or not. Poe’s eyes followed yours to Ben and then back to meet yours again, you saw the realisation change to disgust, as he shook his head silently at you. 

you knew this look, the ‘don't you dare’ look, the ‘not in 1000 years’ look. But you couldn't help it, your lips were moving before you could stop them for the second time this morning. 

“Are you free tonight, Ben?’

The look of sheer betrayal on Poe's face made you wince, surely he'd understand right? he knew you well enough to know your verbal diarrhoea  problem. 

Ben didn't even look up, but he did let out a small laugh that felt quite antagonistic. 

“i dont go to Razor Crest” 

“i don't go to razor crest ugh” Poe mocked, causing Rey to let out a hysterical giggle, and you a sigh. 

You'd been out for all of three hours and you were all already feeling the effects of the alcohol. It was late and the bar was jam packed with students all raring to go. Poe had been making eyes at one particular red head  almost all night and you were half surprised he hadn't already made his move. Poe put out, it was a fact. You and Finn had at one time made a fridge chart for him, a gold star awarded every time he brought  girl home. Whether the goal was to make him feel proud of his conquests or embarrassed, you still weren't 100% sure, but after a month or so you had both lost count and given up. You told yourself it didn't bother you, that he was just a friend, and that he owed you nothing, but every time he left you at the bar for another girl something stung inside; something you pushed deep down but regrettably was still there none the less. 

Sure enough, as the night progressed, you and Rey ended up fending for it alone, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you decided to do the responsible thing and drink more. 

After the third round of shots, Rey calls it in. 

“I think I'm gonna be sick” she tells you sheepishly, and you can't help but belly laugh in response. She starts to shuffle towards the door and you go to follow.

“Hey don't leave on my behalf” she tells you earnestly, but you wave her off. 

“Nah I've had my fill, I'm starting to forget which flat number i live at” you tell her, causing her to giggle this time. 

You both stumble out the bar, past the smokers and up the cobbled road towards her flat. She unlocks her door and lets herself in, not before giving you a drunken hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

As you ready yourself to make your way back to your own flat, you come back past the bar entrance; a particularly prominent cobble causes you to trip ever so slightly and gain a whoop from a group of boys who were passing round a box of marlboro straights. 

You suddenly realised just how dark it was and just how alone you were. Most nights you wouldn't stay out this late, and if you did, then you'd normally be walking back with finn. You let out a shiver, a mix of both the cold night air finally breaking through your drunken daze and a smidge of fear. The Razor Crests entrance lights were getting progressively further away, and although you know that you only had a maximum of a half mile walk back to your home, it felt like ample distance to get kidnapped or murdered in, most probably both. 

How many true crime stories started with a young drunk girl, scantily clad and out alone at night? You could hear the police reports now, which photo would they use? you prayed it would be a hot one, at the very least one after your thin brow phase. 

Being literally bumped back into reality, in almost a cruel humorous way, you felt yourself walk head first into a figure, their arms coming out to catch you as the sheer momentum bounced you back. 

Oh god, I'm dead. I'm literally going to die.  

“Hey, chill out” The voice made your heart beat both slow and race again, 

“Ben?!” you shrieked, voice hoarse through pure anticipation of your thought to be demise 

“Are you okay” he asked, and only then did you realise you were shaking like a leaf. 

“Im fine” you let out in a small voice, looking down at your shoes. You could feel the redness in your cheeks through pure embarrassment alone. This was not an ideal situation for him to see you in, and you kind of started to with that he had been a murderer, at least then you wouldn't have to deal with the second hand embarrassment in the morning. 

“What are you doing out here”

“why are you out alone” 

you both asked simultaneously,

“I was coming out for a smoke” He told you, flashing his tobacco pouch at you from inside his coat. His very warm looking coat, might you add. Another shiver ran down your body. 

“Im coming home from Razor Crest” you tell him, trying to be matter of fact but slurring your words just enough to spoil the show. 

“Yes obviously, but why are you alone” he shoots back in some what of a patronising tone, it wouldn't sit well with sober you and it definitely doesn't go down well with drunk you. 

“Im a big girl” 

“clearly” he makes, making extra sure to look you up and down from his towering distance above you, causing you to huff. 

“well i can take care of myself” 

“you shouldn't be out alone around here, its not safe” he ignores your response, looking you dead in the eye. 

You feel something inside you flutter, a warmth that you can't quite control. Okay, ben might be weird and a bit annoying it would seem, but he was handsome, thats for sure. The limited light danced off his strong features and dark shaggy mop of hair, making him look both dangerous and appealing. 

As if you were standing here mentally flirting with the idea of being with Res cousin; you made a mental note to punish yourself for the ludicrous thoughts in the morning. 

“Okay well I'm going home now” you tell him, attempting to push past him, but his large hand finds its way to your forearm and pulls you back,

“yes, you are, come on” If what he said before was patronising, he was now speaking to you like you were a dog he was walking. 

“go have your nicotine, ive got this one covered” you tell him with a mock salute, causing him to roll his eyes. He lets go of your arm and you take your win, trying to step confidently away without falling. You're proud of yourself for handling the situation when you realise he's following all  of 10 steps behind you, rolling a cigarette in his hands while holding a filter between his teeth. 

when he catches you looking, he nods down to his hands, 

“want one?” he mumbles between his lips, still holding the filter pride of place. 

“no thanks” you snap, picking up pace. 

Ben smirks at you, but you miss it, too focused on not embarrassing yourself and keeping your feet in line. 

[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in March

Thought I’d chronicle the films I’ve been watching over the March period, from the 1st to the 31st, and how I’d rate them. If you’re looking for something to watch, perhaps this will help. A lot of these movies are available on streaming services also.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) - 10/10

I hadn’t watched this in a couple of years but I was blown away. Peak Scorsese.

Rushmore (1998) - 7/10

Not the best Wes Anderson movie for me but still fun.

Lion (2016) - 8/10

I discussed this at length on my podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon. Great movie!

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) - 10/10

Now this is one of the best Wes Anderson movies. I discuss this more on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Fantastic, funny and I watched it twice because it’s so much fun.

Inception (2010) - 10/10

Discussed on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Best Christopher Nolan movie for me, Inception is just breathtaking.

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004) - 5/10

This might be Anderson’s weakest film (at least from what I’ve seen) but it’s still not as bad as a lot of directors at their worst.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) - 10/10

I was really on an Anderson binge in March. The Royal Tenenbaums is one of the most wholesome movies I’ve seen and certainly one of his best films.

Rome, Open City (1945) - 4/10

This was filmed in Nazi-occupied Italy and from that premise, the film enticed me. Despite having some interesting qualities, I do feel that initial pull is most of what the movie has going for it.

The Prestige (2006) - 7/10

I showed this to my brother and for what it’s worth, he enjoyed it. I do think this is one of Nolan’s weaker efforts but considering how much I like it, that speaks a lot to Nolan’s filmography as a whole.

Nostalgia (1983) - 10/10

I watched Nostalgia three times in the space of a week and reviewed it on The Sunday Movie Marathon. It’s phenomenal.

Kangaroo Jack (2003) - 1/10

Another one I watched for the podcast. Kangaroo Jack is truly terrible and it upset me a great deal. Avoid this movie.

Stalker (1979) - 10/10

Another Andrei Tarkovsky movie (director of Nostalgia). I watched this again during the day before my second watch of Nostalgia and while it’s hard to compare such different movies, I enjoy Stalker more. It’s a staple of Russian cinema for a reason.

Four Lions (2010) - 5/10

Watched for the podcast. I didn’t really gel with this comedy but it would certainly appeal to someone who enjoys the humour, as my co-hosts did.

Revolutionary Road (2008) - 6/10

This Sam Mendes joint was a tad too melodramatic but still boasted some great performances from Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.

Metropolis (1927) - 6/10

This silent film is a staple in cinematic history. Its themes are as painfully relevant today as they were in the 20’s, yet despite that I found a lot of it to be intensely boring. After it hit the hour mark, I started playing it at 1.5x speed.

Crimson Peak (2015) - 4/10

A lot of great set design and costumes and colours, yet the story itself was madly uninteresting.

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (2004) - 10/10

Who doesn’t love a good movie written by Charlie Kaufman? I reviewed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon and after a third watch, it is as fascinating as it is gut-wrenching.

Godzilla (2014) - 3/10

If you wanted to see Godzilla fight a bunch of monsters for two hours, then this is not the movie for you. There’s maybe about ten minutes total of on-screen Godzilla action and considering that’s really all anyone’s watching this for, it’s amazing the titular sea lizard occupies so little of the movie.

Prisoners (2013) - 10/10

Brilliant mystery thriller by my favourite director, Denis Villeneuve. Discussed on the podcast.

Eraserhead (1977) - 7/10

David Lynch’s debut feature film went down in my estimations this time around. You can listen to why on The Sunday Movie Marathon. Still, Eraserhead is a very good movie.

Raiders of The Lost Ark (1981) - 6/10

The first Indiana Jones movie proved to be a fun romp and Harrison Ford plays the character beautifully. I’m just not a big fan of Spielberg and his average verging on pretty good but rarely ever great movies. Perhaps on a second watch, I may enjoy this more.

The Seventh Seal (1957) - 9/10

Watching this movie again was so much fun. So far, it’s my favourite Ingmar Bergman film. It’s a celebration of life and love, with an underlying sense of dread as death looms ever-present.

Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom (1984) - 5/10

I can tell why this generally looked on as the weakest in the trilogy. Harrison Ford is still great but the movie dragged a lot and felt more like a bunch of things happening for the sake of it rather than a fun action/adventure.

Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade (1989) - 7/10

The Last Crusade was a lot of fun and maybe it was Sean Connery’s inclusion, or perhaps the bottle of wine I drank through the movie elevated my enjoyment. But alcohol aside, I still believe this to be the best in the series.

Justice League (2017) - 2/10

People really weren’t kidding when they said this was bad. I watched this in preparation for the Snyder cut and I was not happy. This took years off my life.

Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021) - 3/10

Barely any better and double the run-time of the original. I discussed this on The Sunday Movie Marathon and I was certainly not impressed. Better luck next time, Zack!

The Truman Show (1998) - 10/10

Brilliant movie and one I would highly recommend for a stellar Jim Carrey performance. This was another recommendation for the podcast.

Eighth Grade (2018) - 7/10

I was impressed with Bo Burnham’s debut feature. This is a coming of age story centred around a young girl growing up in the modern world and how it can affect the youth of today. Burnham shows a deep understanding of youth culture and a real knack for filmmaking.

Bad Education (2019) - 8/10

A real “yikes!” movie. If you want to learn a bit about the embezzlement that took place in an American school back in the early 2000’s, you need not look further than this tight drama with fantastic performances from Hugh Jackman and Allison Janney.

Twelve Monkeys (1995) - 8/10

One of the only movies where the time travel makes sense. I recommended this for The Sunday Movie Marathon and it’s pretty great.

Ready Or Not (2019) - 7/10

Despite a premise that is not wholly original and a super goofy third act, Ready Or Not is gory, violent fun with a lot of stylish art direction.

Dead Man (1995) - 3/10

Recommended on the podcast. I really did not get a lot out of Dead Man. It’s a very slow movie about Johnny Depp going through the woods and killing some people on the way, but it’s two hours long and hugely metaphorical and sadly it just didn’t connect.

Misbehaviour (2020) - 6/10

A big draw for me in Misbehaviour is Keira Knightley; I think she’s a great actor and I’m basically on board with anything she does. I’d been wanting to see this for a while and I was shocked to see just how relevant it is (being set in 1970) to the world we find ourselves in today, where women are still fighting to be heard and to be treated equally. While the film is not spectacular, I still got a lot from its themes, so recently after the murder of Sarah Everard and how women are being treated in their protest.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb (1964) - 7/10

I was surprised at just how hilarious this early Kubrick movie is. While I can’t say it floored me or took any top spots, it’s still a great examination of the military and how they respond to threats or try to solve problems and the side of war we don’t often see in films: the people in the background sitting in a room making crucial decisions.

Taxi Driver (1976) - 10/10

Wow! I can’t believe I’d never seen this before but I’d never really had access to it. Taxi Driver is a beautifully made movie with so much colour and vibrancy. De Niro puts on perhaps his best performance and Paul Schrader’s timeless script works miracles.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) - 5/10

Classic Tim Burton aesthetics in a pretty by the numbers, almost Supernatural-esque story eked out over an hour and forty minutes.

Seaspiracy (2021) - 6/10

Everyone’s going crazy over this documentary and I agree it tackles important issues we’re facing today surrounding the commercialization of the fishing industry, but a lot of what’s presented here is information already available to the public. The editing feels misplaced at times and the tone is all over the place. Nonetheless, it’s still quite fascinating to see good journalism being done in a way that exposes this side of the industry.

Pirates of The Carribean: The Curse of The Black Pearl (2003) - 8/10

Super fun and a great first instalment in a franchise that sadly seems to have peaked at the first hurdle.

My Octopus Teacher (2020) - 8/10

Great cinematography and a lovely premise, this documentary has garnered an Oscar nomination and I can see why.

The Sisters Brothers (2018) - 8/10

A really solid western I was happy to watch again. It’s a shame no one really talks about this movie because it is excellent with stunning visuals and great performances.

Pirates of The Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) - 5/10

A strangely massive drop in quality from the original. If I didn’t like the whole concept of this franchise so much, I might have had a worse time.

Reservoir Dogs (1992) - 8/10

On a second watch, Tarantino’s first feature is still wildly impressive.

Life of Brian (1979) - 7/10

This is perhaps my third time watching Monty Python’s Life of Brian and it’s still incredibly funny, however it never manages to measure up to its predecessor (and one of my all time favourites), Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot

Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, “fuck it, let’s just put the kids in charge.” Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, it’s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I don’t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasn’t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all “sneeze” and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKIN’ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!

Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when it’s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL “BOTTOMS UP” AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIA’S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all “oh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, don’t worry we’ve got it all under control” because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so that’s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all “curse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the time”, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. That’s how it works, right. Shit.

HOLY SHIT LOL

THIS IS MINA. SHE’S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? “melt and succumb”?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. it’s like saying “die and then perish”, which actually sounds really badass and I’m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway

“IS EVERYONE SAFE” some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongo’s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that

KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY

AT LEAST HE’S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasn’t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him

Sero is all “is there anyone still in range!” and damn, I like that he’s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like he’s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids

SPEAKING OF

it “probably” can’t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and it’s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL

man. and yet I really do love this “be the one who can do it” stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. I’ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner

damn it this week’s scan is annoyingly dark, it’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it

MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!

I KNOW SHE’S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though

“your fear stricken heart”, “the shortest path”, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around I’m totally being thrown for a loop lmao

(ETA: FYI I’m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not “master” as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically he’s just bitching about how annoying these little “flies” are proving to be.)

JESUS CHRIST

okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing you’ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DON’T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH

but also though, is that recognition in Mina’s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play

OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT

this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this “just woke up covered in acid” look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here

NOOOOO

oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... they’re a lot... let’s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words

okay well here’s one, my respect for Mina’s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machia’s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didn’t hesitate. and now I’m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...

and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless

um eXCUSE ME!?!?!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I don’t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SERIOUSLY

I’M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

OH THANK GOD

TODAY WE SPELL “REDEMPTION” K-I-R-I... ETC. THERE’S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!

holy fucking shit y’all. I mean, it’s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. I’m so fucking hyped I’ll even forgive him for sacrificing Mina’s big moment and having her get rescued, because it’s such a good reversal. he didn’t freeze up this time. he promised himself he’d never freeze again and he didn’t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but he’s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully

NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!

she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET

CHINTETSU!!

well we know he’s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao

so Tetsu’s all “yeah Kirishima’s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasn’t very comforting of me to say.” maybe that’s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that I’m reading this over again. good call Tetsu

ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WE’RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOU’RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT

lmao he’s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee

remind me to leave all of the League of Villains’ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard

OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISN’T DONE YET!!

real talk, just between you and me, I’ll lower my voice so that Kirishima can’t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldn’t have been, right? but we’re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side

anyway here he goes!

YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. should’ve burned. we won’t discuss it

OH FOR FUCK’S

TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHAT’S THIS ABOUT “MY HALF” NOW????

DID HE GRAB MINA’S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKO’S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT

OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???

AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE

Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I don’t really know how eyes work

okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji

oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!

DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL

oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES

(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)

“that’s enough depending on some interns” oh, okay. now that they’ve done all your work for you. I see, I see

so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I can’t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS

please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter

ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOU’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

oh my god you guys they really fucking did it

I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh

anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomura’s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesn’t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor

aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people

well you sure convinced me. damn I don’t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time

so now he’s all “PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!”

take that Endeavor. you heard the man. it’s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura “I hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ‘helping others’ bullshit” Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED

what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. we’re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all “you may have won the battle but you suck” while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshi’s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc

[firstagent]

Since it popped up on the Podcast, how would you rank the sibling dynamics from healthy to trainwreck?

This is an innocent-sounding question until you go over the franchise and realize just how many sibling relationships there are in Digimon and that all but like three of them have elements that might raise eyebrows. In the interest of being comprehensive, this includes all named characters in any anime, manga, and game I’m familiar with, treating the reboot separately and including Survive because... (looks at Kaito and Miu’s bios) ...holy crap.

Sibling Relationship Rankings! (Healthy is Higher)

Joe & Shin Kido (Adventure): Shin understands Joe’s hang-ups and offers support to make his own choices without steering him in any specific direction, for or against the family. And Shuu exists too (depending on the language you’re watching in)

Juri & Masahiko Kato (Tamers): For all of the awkwardness and potential points of fracture in the family, Juri and Masahiko are very close. Fun Fact: She started carrying around her iconic hand puppet to amuse and entertain him!

Keito & Nozomi Tamada (Re:Arise): Even with very different personalities, Keito and Nozomi have a lot of respect for each other. Unlike some big brothers, he comes to a mature conclusion when he realizes she’ll be just fine with Pumpmon at her side.

Yamato Ishida & Takeru Takaishi (Adventure 2020): Yamato’s worry over Takeru only affects his reluctance to take on time-consuming side quests when he might be in danger. Far more chill about trusting Takeru with the rest of the team, he’s a motivation rather than a mental handicap.

Masaru & Chika Daimon (Savers): Perhaps a more controversial pick for the healthier side, but Masaru and Chika have a playful relationship that proves that Chika dishes out as much as anyone in the family. Given how much harm DATS and Digimon have done to the family, Masaru risks her love to keep them away from her.

Joe & Shin Kido (Adventure 2020): Shin’s still supportive and still encourages Joe to make choices for himself, but having that bugout bag ready to go raises some serious questions about that family and which side Shin’s really on.

Ai & Makoto (Tamers): Toddlers fight. It’s okay. They come together for Impmon’s sake and the fact that they’re the only duo in the franchise with mutual custody over a digivice has to say something about the strength of their relationship.

Nene & Kotone Amano (Xros Wars Manga): Nene’s tactics are still desperate but not quite as extreme as the anime, and it counts for so much that Kotone fights so hard for Nene once the tables are turned. And good lord that backstory...

Takuya & Shinya Kanbara (Frontier): There’s definitely a sense of Takuya lapsing into thinking Shinya encapsulates everything frustrating about having an older brother, but he gets over it.

Miyako Inoue + Three (Zero Two): Perfectly normal large household. And while wondering what it would be like to be an only child is something every youngest does... top of mind fantasy, Miyako? Really?

Jianliang & Shaochung Lee (Tamers): Speaking of four-packs... there’s no doubting how much they care about each other, but Jian’s occasional short fuse with Shaochung betrays his usual calm demeanor, and we never get a picture of the full family dynamic once Rinchei and Jaarin are included.

Daisuke & Jun Motomiya (Zero Two): Everyone likes to paint Jun and Daisuke as something uglier than it really is. As much as they annoy each other, it’s still a pretty conventional sibling dynamic and they’d still fight hard for the other... even if the feeling’s closer to obligation.

Koji Minamoto & Koichi Kimura (Frontier): There’s no questioning the bond they develop, but there’s no way Koji and Koichi go from “don’t know the other exists” to “ZOMG Twinzies!” without a ton of awkwardness and feeling each other out. They’ll get better, but from our standpoint this is where we start to drift into trainwreck territory.

Tomoki & Yutaka Himi (Frontier): Tomoki can spin it all he wants but Yutaka comes off as a real jerk. Not that some resentment isn’t a little justified given how much Tomoki is coddled, but taking it upon himself to be the bearer of tough love is still not cool.

Taichi & Hikari Yagami (Adventure 2020): Hikari has a blind faith that Taichi can save the day in any circumstance, up to and including international shipping crisis. Meanwhile Taichi sees Hikari lapsing between typical friendly eight year old to brainwashed robot and doesn’t find any problem with it.

Yamato Ishida & Takeru Takaishi (Adventure): Lessons in how not to be an overprotective big brother. Yamato freaks out at the slightest notion that Takeru might be exposed to danger, including his very presence in the Digital World. When you have a complete nervous breakdown realizing that little bro’s actually pretty capable on his own, it’s not about your relationship with him anymore.

Touma & Relena Norstein (Savers): There’s caring about a little sister, making her plight a central cause in your life, and then involving her in a chess match with a madman. There’s a lot to forgive here (they are raised in a family where your kneejerk reaction to Grandma is “I bet she supported the Nazis in World War II”), but everything about their relationship just makes you uncomfortable.

Kaito & Miu Shinonome (Survive): Maybe it’s not fair since their game is the franchise’s unicorn, but their bios have warning flags all over it. He’s overprotective, ready to fight at the slightest hardship, and she repays this attitude by being rebellious and weird and eager to pursue trouble. May end up being worse once the game actually comes out.

Rei & Hajime Katsura (Appmon): Another one where their backstory makes you sympathize with the lengths they go to in order to stay together, but risking the security of actual guardians to go it alone? Jesus. Even with their ride or die attitude, you still sense a bit of friction in their relationship, and so many of their hardships are their own doing. 

Nene & Yuu Amano (Xros Wars): There’s nothing seemingly wrong on the surface between Nene and Yuu, but that’s why their actions are so extreme. Yuu’s more than happy to treat her as an enemy general in his game, while Nene’s aligning herself with dark forces and causing real trouble to get him back. It’s all very loud and intense for a relationship that, without external influences, is just nice and cordial.

Yuuko & Yuugo Kamishiro (Cyber Sleuth): You can be anything you want on the internet! So why not take the identify of your big brother who was stricken with a mystery illness at a young age and lead a legion of hackers? And if you’re Yuugo, use your digital body to take control of that avatar! Nothing weird about any of this!

Ken & Osamu Ichijouji (Zero Two): Like Tomoki, Ken can come up with whatever rationale for Osamu’s abuse he wants, and Osamu at least had some kind moments, but there’s no denying that this family was a mess. And of course Ken’s reaction to Osamu’s death... could have been better.

Taichi & Hikari Yagami (Adventure): Hikari’s introduction to the series was intended to be a little creepy, and that just sets the tone. Her blind loyalty to Taichi is a primary point of emphasis through three series, and Taichi sometimes goes ballistic worrying about her... when not accidentally endangering her life. And that’s before she unleashes a world-destroying abomination at the mere suggestion that Taichi’s dead, and why telling him “what you’re doing is wrong and I kind of hate you for it” is a big moment for her, even though she’s wrong.

Neo & Rei Saiba (V-Tamer): There’s going a little overboard to keep your family together or save a sibling’s life, and then there’s aligning yourself with evil forces to avoid having to deal with your sister’s manageable disability. Call it being jaded or delusional, but when it drives your sister to attempt suicide there are definitely issues you two need to work through.

Erika & Ryuji Mishima (Cyber Sleuth Hackers Memory): Because aligning oneself with Arkadimon is always a fantastic idea. He’s overprotective, she manipulates him because of it, there’s resentment, there’s anger, and basically the entire game is spent watching these two outdo each other in terms of causing wanton destruction throughout the city and cyberspace.

Honorable Mention: Bagramon & DarkKnightmon (Xros Wars): The battle of who can stab the other in the back last.

Want to support my site and/or my work? Buy me a coffee!

[freigeistundanderes]

Bucky Barnes Valentine exchange Story

Hey, now we can finally say, which author was out secret Santa. I got @fandomsandxfiles-writes​ and she wanted to have a 40`s Bucky - enemies to lovers story. So I hope I somehow hit the challenged and you like it :) I say sorry in advance, since this is my second English written story ever.  Have fun while reading it!  Pairings: 40´s Bucky x Reader 

Word count: 26.368

World War II dominated daily life. Many young men already went there to fight at the front lines, and the other few were still at home, waiting for the order to go. School isn't what it was before. Many boys didn't even finish school and went directly to the base training as soldiers. And soon, the classrooms were empty and only filled with girls. You can imagine how sad the Prom looked like, a room just filled with old teachers and girls with slow music in the background and nobody to dance with. Steve went with you to the Prom just because he failed every medical and physical exam to join the Army.

Bucky was still around, somehow, but he spent most of his time with the base training, and when he wasn't training with the Army, he did for himself. He wanted to be a good soldier, and he tried to protect his country. Basically, a good character trait if it wasn't so stupid at the same time. When he got better in his training, they will send him away sooner and sooner. You didn't care as much, but Steve did. Even tho they both have been friends for a long, long time, they were boys at the end of the day. That means, when one got better in material things, the other got minor complexes. And to help Steve get his wish granted, you started to fill out the Army's application form for him. It was the 4th time you two tried, and of course, he didn't get accepted. The thing was, even when the application form was perfect, it was still Steve. Little, lanky, wimpy Steve, and nobody would take him. You promised to help him, but to be honest? There wasn't a big chance that he would be accepted in the Army, and honestly, you didn't want him to go there. He would be dead in seconds since he could not hold a rifle long enough to actually shoot someone.

Today Steve tried to get into the Army again. You filled out the application and waited outside of the building. You got yourself a bench near the entrance, so when Steve walked outside, he could see you. While you waited for Steve to return with a rejection, you pulled out a letter yourself. You got him a week ago. You tell yourself you didn't have time to open it, but the truth is, you were too scared to open it. One of these official letters from the Army was with the lovely white envelope and the American flag. Your Family name in big black letters on the front and an official stamp over the upper right corner. You carried this thing with you for a week, and it looked like that—bends, wrinkles, and folds all over it. Actually, you know what was in that thing. You know exactly what the letters on the paper inside the envelope. It would probably start like My sincere condolences to tell you… It would sound like he was a good fighter, a good soldier in the middle part. He saved many lives throughout his days in service… and the end would be finished with an excellent old: I am sorry about your loss. Usually, you got a letter from her Father, every week, when he was away in War. For one week, however, you got nothing. Instead of an informal letter from her father, you got this official thing from the Army. You didn't have to be a genius to put together the facts. Your father was dead, fallen in service to protect this country against Nazi's. That was what this letter was about. So no, she didn't have to open the letter to know what was inside of it. Your father died, and now she was alone in this world. She didn't have a mother anymore or siblings.

"An official letter from the Army? Why you got that?" Steve was back and looked over your head down to the letter you held in your hands. "My father," you fold the letter and put it in your pocket again before you looked at Steve. He understands your glace and shook his head and showed you the rejection paper. "You know, when they catch you, you will be in trouble?" "I know, but I think they just don't care" he also put the paperback in his pocket and looked around for a few seconds to took a deep breath. "So what are you planning to do?" you asked him, but he just shrugged his shoulders. "For today? I will meet you later with Bucky. He invited me for another double date" "He will never give up, right?" "Probably not, no. He don’t want me to feel excluded" "Excluded from what? Girls?" "Joie de vivre, I guess" "Does he noticed that he doesn't make it better with the double dates?" "I don't think so" Steve smiled and shook his head. "He isn't the smartest" "I know," you smiled too and stood up from the bench. You looked around a while. Trying to figure out what you want to do next when you saw a poster. It said it would be some kind of new-age science exhibition. "What are you gonna do? For the rest of the day?" "I am going there" you nodded your head in the direction of the poster. "Sounds….. interesting" Steve wasn't thrilled about it. He wasn't too much into technology. "Will you tell me one day what was in that letter?" he started another attempt to talk about the thing you had in your pocket. "It's from the Army, and it's about my Father. I didn't open it now" you shrugged your shoulders and took a step back. "Anyway. See you soon, pal" "Yes. See you soon!"

So you were about to go home, and if you liked it or not, you had to read that letter and see what will happen next. Without your Father, you didn't have an income and you didn't decide what you wanted to do just now. Your Father wanted you to start a Study at a University and creating a great career as a professor somewhere and that the War would be over just then. Was it what you wanted? You weren't certain. Sure, being a Professor at some university would guarantee you significant money and a peaceful future. But to be honest, that wasn't you. Yes, you liked reading but being locked up in an office for the rest of your days wasn't quite your style. And finding a well-paid job as a woman was hard and nearly impossible. Maybe you should try to join the Army too? Just because your Father seemed to be so happy in the Army and you somehow had the feeling that it would be exactly right for you. But on the other hand, you couldn't leave Steve behind. He would never be accepted in the Army. It was bad enough for him that Bucky was taken, but if you apply for it and git accepted too, that would mentally destroy him. He felt useless most of his life, even tho he wasn't. Anyway…. You should start thinking about your future in more detail, now your Father died.

When you arrived home, you noticed that the front door of your house was open. You never leave that door open, so someone must have entered your house. Slowly you pushed the door further open, so you could sneak into the front door hallway. You couldn't hear any noises and the lights were out too. If intruders had entered your house, you would have seen chaos along the way or at least some lights on, but nothing. Slowly, light-footed like a cat, you go further into your house. It was a small house, with just one level, so it was pretty lucid. You nearly reached the end of the front door hallway when you heard a few heavy steps behind you and a deep voice talking to you. "You would be dead by now. If I was a burglar," the voice was Smokey, dark, and had that sarcastic tone in it. Very similar to your father's one, and as you turned around, you saw the big man. He was a little bit heavier build, owned to his age, and probably too many steaks with beer. "Uncle Chester," you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. Visits like this were usual for him. He liked being the mysterious part of the family, or something like that. "What do you want here" "Express my condolences to you. Because of your father" "He was your brother" "You can be sure, I know that. But…. Our relationship wasn't the best in the end. I wanted to check in if you are okay?" "Do I look like a whiny, crying little girl to you?" "No. That's why I am worried about you. Shouldn't you…. Cry?" "He was a Captain. He knows how he would die, and I knew it too. We have War, many people will die" "You are soooo mature, little girl" "Don't call me that" "So…. What are you planning to do next? Without your fathers' money, you need a job! Something in mind?" "no. Not yet" "good! I have a job for you!" he stepped towards you and pulled out a letter from the inside, pocked his official army jackets, and handed it to you. "What kind of job? Nurse? Rubble woman?" "Don't be silly" he pulled his eyebrows together and step aside, and looked at the pictures on the walls. "President Roosevelt himself started a military unit called SSR – Strategic Scientific Reverse. The aim of that is to create a super-soldier army to win the War without losses anymore. That force contains the best minds in the free world-" "I can read," you interrupted his monologue for a second to fly over most of the lines in the letter.

What you couldn't see was that your Uncle slightly smiled. You were precisely like your Father and always a big mouth but down to earth somehow. But – not to mention – you were like your Uncle too. Ever a good slogan on your lips with a sarcastic undertone. When Uncle Chester was more often at home during your early childhood, you had great fun together. He and your Father were a dream team when it came down to raising you since your mother died at birth. That was the primary reason why your summarized the best and worst characteristics of your Father and your Uncle in one person BUT the beautiful physic you had from your mother. She was pretty like an angel, with that soft and lovely scented hair, the open and heartwarming smile, and these beautiful, engaging eyes.

When you were finished with reading, you needed to repeat a few sentences again. It sounded highly impossible and stupid for you, but on the other hand, you wanted to see the outcome. "Why you need me? I am not one of the best minds. I am average" "You are average, when it comes to science, yes. But you are instinctive, a good natural fighter, and have a great sense of strategy. At least, those were the words your Father used to describe you to be the last time I saw him. He was so proud of you, that you are not a whiny little woman, like everybody else. You are strong, and I need Strong soldiers. So…. What you say? Are you in?" – "Yes!" you didn't think about it. It was a clear answer to you. It was not because of what your Father told your Uncle; it was about that little inner voice, telling you, you should go. Like uncle Chester said, you had good instincts, and you used them right now. "You do not want to rethink? Final answer?" "I do not rethink usually. I got my choices right the first time" he knit his eyebrows again and laughed a little bit. "You say that now. Sooner or later, there will be a moment when you have to rethink" – "When do we start?" "Hold your horses! I will contact you, but tonight I want you to meet your head scientists" "Why?" "Because we are looking for a suitable man for the Army, and you know this part of Brooklyn the best" "And how do I find this scientist?" "German looking, small guy, with glasses, head, and a beard. You will find him. Look at it, like it would be your first mission" he grinned at you and was about to leave the house.

In the evening, you were dressed up and ready to go. You dressed a bit more fancy but not too much. It was a plain, dark blue dress in knee-length. Paired with simple black shoes and a small black bag for your porte-monnaie. Nothing spectacular but chic.

It took you around 10 minutes to run into Steve and the annoying attachment when you arrived there. Steve looked bored as hell, too, so he looked around and find you immediately. He waved in your direction, and behind him, the personified idiot – James Buchanan Barnes, friends call him Bucky, but you stayed with James. "Hey, Steve" "Hey!" he smiled at you and stepped aside to introduce the other people. "Cassy and Odette, and you already know Bucky" "Hallo, James" "It's Bucky. Please" "You said, your friends call you Bucky. I am not your friend, so it is appropriate to call you by your Birthname: James" "You are refreshingly nice as usual, Claw" "Don't call me that" – "Make me" he grinned cocky looked her directly in the eyes. His glace got replied with pure and clean aversion with a sour, sarcastic undertone. Claw was the Nickname you got from Steve and Bucky, based on your caustic and harsh kind, sometimes "You really want that?" "Don't get me wrong, little Princess. I believe you when you say you can defend yourself, but I think you need a little more for me than just a good positioned punch" "Bucky!" Steve wanted to prevent his best friend from protentional long term effects of that claim. "James – oh James – you should never underestimate a well-positioned punch" now, she grinned back and looked down for a second to make him understand what she meant. It took him a few seconds until he pulled his eyebrows together and took a step back. "You wouldn't!!" "Wanna bet?" "HEY!" Steve went between the two brawlers. "Never mind. We should go" "Woah, wait-" now it was Bucky who intervene and looked confused at Steve. "You invited her?" "No. We run just into each other" "Well, I would say, 3 Girls, is one girl too much, Buddy" "I guess it will be okay for the rest of the evening. You take these two Ladies, and I take her" "But – Steve-" "We are good with that!" one of the two girls finished the conversation, and then the situation was completed. Steve didn't want this in the first place because he knew the girls Bucky brought are just interested in him. Why not, by the way? He was tall, good looking, and charming - the perfect match for most of the girls. And he had this slightly sinister boy aura around him, even when he was a good guy through and through. At least that was what Steve claims every time you two talked.

The expo was enjoyable, overall, but actually, nothing of that really seeks your attention. Many people around here and you were about to find the German one. The funny thing is, though, that most Germans looked like Americans, so it was nearly impossible to find the right man. When you looked around, a recruitment center catches your eye, and you thought about what your Uncle told you. This German Scientist was about to find new Soldiers for the project. So for him being in that center would make the most sense. "Hey Steve," you put a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention. "I have to go. Get something done" "already?" "You seem to be in delightful company, here" "Funny. Really funny" "Okay, bye, my friend" you see him off before you went to the recruitment center.

When you entered the center, it was full of people. It was different from the other centers you went to before with Steve. In this one, you had a nice, colorful and colossal propaganda part right before the testing area, and it was filled with people. A little bit lost, you looked around and tried to find a man, fitting on the description your Uncle gave you. So many people with a beard and glasses, which one would be the German? You looked around for a few more minutes when a smaller man approached you. "Good evening, Miss. Did you get lost?" he had to be in the age between 40 and 60, had a grayish beard and small round glasses. The way he speaks English suggested to you that this isn't his mother tongue. "No, actually I am looking for someone" "So? Maybe I can help? Who do you looking for?" "An educated man – a scientist! A little bit older with a beard and glasses and German heritage" he smiled slightly and nodded slowly. "That would be me. My name is Dr. Abraham Erskine" he reached out his hand to you, and you did the same. "You must be the niece of Colonel Philips?" "Indeed, yes. He sends me here to find you" "And he told me you would come. Let's go over there and have a little talk?" "I would like that, yes" the Doc led you away from the people into a calmer area of the center.

We entered the testing area for protentional soldiers. The Doctor looked behind one of the curtains to check if someone in there. After that, he thrust aside the whole thing to open it for you to enter.

“So you are Colonel Philips, niece? If I got that right?” “Indeed. His brother was my father” “Was?” “He died a week ago in Service” “I am sorry,” he apologized and looked a bit sad and uncomfortable to step into that huge blunder. “Thanks, but we are not here to talk about my dead father, right?” “Surely. Forgive me; I am a little bit old fashioned. Would you mind having a little talk with me first? I like to know the people I will work with” “Fine,” you shrugged your shoulders and looked for a sitting possibility. You decided to take a lounger and pointed at the chair in front of it, so the Doctor could sit too. “Ask whatever you want” “Whatever I want?” “If I do not want to answer, I will not answer. Feel free to ask anything” You wanted to get it over with. You simply didn’t saw the point of meeting the head scientist of the project since your uncle invites you because of your military talent, not your scientific knowledge. Last but not least, your uncle thought that a little change of air would be good for you. He knew you loved your father, and you are too tough to admit it. There will be a moment when you start to crumble, and the pain will rush over you, and he wanted to have you nearby when it happens. Nobody should be alone while mourning. “Why you entered the SSR?” “My uncle asked. I said yes. Here I am” “No other specific reason?” “No, why? Do I need one? This reason is as good as any other reason people have to serve in War. I think the reason doesn’t matter” “Why? Why does the reason doesn’t matter?” “There is never a good reason to start a war and sacrifice many young lives’. You should protect what you believe in, but it doesn’t have to be in a fight; that should be the last option. That is my opinion, but what do I know? I am just a little girl” he smiled slightly and shook his head softly. “Besides the fact who your uncle is, I can see you are not just a little girl” “How would you know?” “I can see it, your eyes” “My eyes…? I am not into that pathetic stuff” he laughed a bit and nodded. “I can tell you are feisty” “Only on Mondays,” “Today is Monday” “See,” he smiled again. “I like you. I like you a lot. You are refreshingly different, and I like young Ladies who can fight for their ideals” “How do you know I can fight?” “Your uncle told me a few things about you. You a good fighter and have good natural instincts” “Maybe” “Don’t be too modest –“ he stopped short to make a little break before he started talking again. “We already have someone similar to you. She is a Brittan Agent and feisty as well. I guess you two will get along just fine. Her Name is Agent Peggy Carter” “It will be a pleasure to meet her” “I can’t wait to see you two working together, but-“ he harrumphed a little bit and put on a serious face again. “I am here to look for new cadets; unfortunately, most of the young boys are already away. You can suggest someone?” “I don’t know many boys around here” “But you know some!?” “Depending on what are you looking for? The brainless muscle monkeys are already recruited” “’Brainless muscle monkeys’… actually, I am not looking for one of these! Your uncle does, but I want someone with a specific characteristic” “Specific Characteristics-“you were interrupted by a nurse who wanted to talk to the Doctor. She entered the room and reached him a file. You didn’t say everything in the file, but you recognized the photo in it. It was Steve’s. He wanted to try again to enter the Army, and it looks like he got caught with his multiple tries. “I am sorry, I have to do something-“he closed the file and stood up. “He has character” “This one?” he opened the file to read the Name again. “Steven Grant Rogers?” “I don’t know what you are looking for, but he has it. Give him a chance to prove it to you, and he will not disappoint you” the Doc looked at you with a stare glace until he nodded slowly. “would you vouch for him?” “Vouch for him?” “Would you trust him with that enough to confide him your life?” “Yes,” you answered strongly, and there was no doubt in your voice. “So, when a strong and independent girl like you would trust him, I should give him that try to prove me,” then he left the little room. Seemed like that you and Steve would enter the same Unit. One reason more to be expectantly about the next few weeks and the little change.

“I am honest, I am death” Steve came up to you and sat next to a dirty box. His equipment was just hanging down from his weak little body. He was in training for about half of a month, and you were sure there was not only one single small part, which didn’t hurt. After he got recruited into the SSR – like you – he immediately started his training to get a better physical change. But besides sore muscles, there wasn’t much of a difference. For your part, you trained with that Agent the Doctor mentioned. Peggy was good in shape and had a piece of excellent knowledge about self-defense and fighting styles. It was a great addition to your own style of fighting. You two trained a lot for the past few weeks and got quick on an equal level of physical strength. Since you were a new recruit – like Steve – you got simple tasks. Peggy trained the other Soldiers while you and your uncle were studying strategic files and everything possible about an organization called Hydra. You also got inaugurated in what the SSR was doing exactly. The Doctor was creating a Serum, and it was going down o deciding which new soldier should get it first. Your task was also to document every soldier’s progress to make it easier to choose. But honestly? You had a few talks with the Doctor itself, and he was pretty impressed with Steve, so you voted for him, and indeed, he was the one. But still, he had to get in a little bit better shape to have a greater chance of surviving the experiment.

Steve was breathing heavily, his head wholly laid back into his neck, as he sat down on the Box. He was initially coming up to you to get some encouraging words from you. And when he didn’t get these, a sarcastic commentary would do it too. He was happy to have a familiar and friendly face around when he joined the Army. He was really great full for you, not at least, because you were closer with Agent Carter and Steve had a thing for her. She was impressive! Intense and intimidating, and she was so confident. She didn’t need to be saved, and that what he appreciated the most on her. She was simply able to take of herself.

After he didn’t get any words from you, he opened one eye and looked up at you. You were standing here, head down and staring down at a letter you hold in your hands. You had a thing with staring down at letters. “Hey! What’s up?” “I god a letter from James” “Bucky? You got a letter from Bucky? Why?” “I don’t know” “An official one or a personal one?” “Personal” she turned the front side of the letter towards Steve, so he could see the bad handwriting. It was a personal letter, addressed at Claw. “he still calls you Claw?” “Guess so…. Why is he writing me a letter?” She looked more confused than ever since he knew her. “I don’t know! What did you do?” “Nothing…. I guess” Steve stood up from the Box and also started to look down on the closed envelope. “You don’t want to open it?” “Should I?” “Otherwise you will never find out what is in there-“ “ROGERS!” from far away, his drill sergeant was calling for him. Exhausted, he gave a loud groan and started running towards the other members of his Unit.

You just stood there and looked down on the envelope for a few moments, when you shook your head, turned around the letter and opened it. It was childish, not to open it and as you knows James, it will be a stupid prank or something like that. You should get over it and return to your tasks after that. Against your expectations, it wasn’t silly pranks or an inappropriate picture of something. It was an actual letter, handwritten in the worst handwriting you ever saw. The first line said: Hallo Claw, and after that, there were many other lines, and even the backside of the paper was written. On the piece, itself were little dirt stains. After a fast-flying over the lines without actually reading them, you turned around the form and saw the last line: See you soon, Bucky. This was more than just strange. It was entirely out of imagination! You sat down on the Box and started to read the letter, from beginning to end, every single word of it, slowly.

It took you a while to read through the whole letter. The handwriting was awful, and you had to guess every fifth word, and you tried to analyze it. To find the mistake in the word choices to uncover this letter as a prank, still. That James paid someone to wrote you a note to evoke the false belief in you, that he might not just hate you. You had plenty of reasons to be suspicious about it. You didn’t realize how long you sat there reading when a heavy breathing Steve returned to the spot where he left you. “I see you opened it ---- what did ---- he ---- wrote?” he pressed out the words between his intense breathing, trying not to collapse in front of you because of exhaustion. “Basically, he said, that he liked our conversation and that he hoped we had that earlier. We had more in common than I would know now, and that he didn’t know how much he would miss female intellectual interaction. And that he started to get more sarcastic and sharp-tongued because of me – Honestly? I didn’t see the meaning behind the letter” you wanted to hand it over to Steve, who just blocked that try. “He wrote the Letter to YOU. It’s yours now” “He probably didn’t write it anyway. One of his Unit buddy’s wrote it for him to confuse me. I strongly believe that!” “You think so? I know that handwriting; it’s Bucky’s!” “Then he tries to tease me from the front line? Great! Not even during the War, I am safe from him” you rolled your eyes, fold the letter back and put it into the envelope, and stood up. “We have things to do, Steve! Tomorrow is your big day” “I know. That why the Sergeant didn’t let me run the extra mile” “He seems to be nice” “Nice? Ever meet him?” “A couple of times” “I am giving up! I just want to take a shower!”

The next couple of weeks didn’t feel like a success in military history. It was more like monkey business. After Steve’s transformation, you thought he would be trained to be a severe soldier. Still, instead, he was turned into a breathing action figure. He had to do press tours, movies and sing stupid jingles. And from looking at the disappointment on Steve’s face, you know he felt the same. You decided to stay with Steve and distance yourself from the duties of the SSR for a while. You didn’t want to let him alone with all these mindless people, such as today. He was told to say some encouraging words to the soldiers at the front. They put up a stage for him, where he could stand on and talk. And they forced him to wear that bad, bright-colored stupid suit. And then he was standing there. Reading the pre-written words to the soldiers, which didn’t even want to listen. He was a super soldier and supposed to fight for his country, but instead, he was a trained monkey in a circus.

Not what he imaged and not what the soldiers wanted to see or hear. It was a disaster; it couldn’t get any worse. And if this wasn’t enough, Steve listened to the news that Hydra had captured the 107th, therefore also Bucky. He tried to convince your uncle to start a rescuing mission, but there was no chance he would allow that. Hydra had a reputation for capturing soldiers and using them for experiments. So if these guys aren’t dead yet, they might be soon. But would that stop Steve? It was about saving Bucky, and he would do it, without any doubt, and he wouldn’t think twice about it. So he and Peggy tried to convince Stark to help them. So it was up to you to take your uncle busy until these trees are gone on the mission.

“Where is Rogers?!!!” Your uncle slam opens the door into your room with a shattering noise. He wasn’t happy – actually, he was pretty angry. He knew something like that would happen, but he hoped that these three idiots would be more intelligent than trying to attack a Hydra base on their own. You got a little frightened and crumbled the paper in your hand a little bit. “I know that you know the answer, and I want you to tell me. NOW!” he entered your room and build himself up in front of your sitting person. You were resting on your bet and had all the letters from James in front of you. You somehow felt rereading them, since there was a possibility these were the last written word of him. In case of his death, you wanted to send them to his sister. “Strolling?” “Strolling? Are you taking me for a fool? I know he is not strolling! What are those?” he flies over the lines of a few letters and couldn’t see an author of these.

After all, you are still his niece, and after your father died, he is somehow – your chaperone now. “Nothing” you wanted to put them together to stuff them somewhere out of sight when he was faster and grabbed one of these. He read through the lines and raised one eyebrow. “Sergeant Barnes wrote you these? That fledgling? Never knew you would be interested in that kind of man” “It’s not like that” “it is not? These letters are pathetic and greasy love letters” “They are not” you shook your head and stood up from your bed. “These are just letters from a man who was bored at the front” “Bored at the front?” your uncle laughed at this. “You are not bored at the front because you are pretty busy not to die. He wasn’t bored, he took the little glimpse of free time he had to write you. That’s not nothing” “You interpreted it false. James Buchanan Barnes is a prankster, a childish little boy, and a womanizer. He would never write this with a serious background” you shrugged your shoulders. “He just wants me because I don’t want him. I actually couldn’t stand him” “Mhm,” he nodded and knit his eyebrows. “So why are you keeping these then? Quite a lot of letters and effort for a man who is just joking around” “You don’t know him” “Well if he is friends with Rogers, he can’t be too bad of a man” “He is an idiot” “All man are idiots! That’s in our genetic code” “Ahhhh that would explain a lot” “Stop that!” He pointed with his index finger at you with that stern look on his face. “Back to the essential! I know that you know where Rogers is. Tell me! Now!” “I don’t know” you shrugged your shoulders, and your uncle looked even angrier at you. He wanted to say something when he heard something from the outside, so you two decided to go outside.

As you went outside the door, you could see how a bigger group of soldiers is coming towards you. All ahead was Steve, and on his left side, you could recognize Bucky. Guess you didn’t need to send the letters to his sister after all.

“You know this idiot?” your uncle standing next to you when you were looking at Steve, bringing home the soldiers from the Hydra base. You were so proud of your little friend from Brooklyn. “Idiots. I know them both” “Both?” “The on his left side? That’s Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. The reason why he started this whole thing” “Barnes, huh? I assume he is his friend?” “Best Friend” you corrected your uncle and smiled slightly. Of course, Steve would do something stupid as running into a Hydra base just to save Bucky and man he didn’t know. It is Steve! He is doing these things, and that’s why he is Captain America.

When they entered the camp, Steve was about to talk to Peggy, and it was lovely. You noticed the little growing thing between them, and it was beautiful. Peggy wasn’t like all the girls Bucky had in mind for Steve. She was just right for him because they meet on the same level. She never looked down on him because of his small physical size. She respected his character and values in every shape he was in. And that’s why she deserved Steve. She liked him as a little boy, and she can have him as the soldier he is now. You were good with it, and they both liked each other. They just didn’t confess just now. While Steve talked to Peggy and a short cheers on Captain America, Bucky was stepping out of the line and walking towards you. What will happen now? What will he say or what will he do? Somehow, you had a strange feeling in your stomach. It felt like itching and tugging, as someone with a stomach bug would feel, shortly before they vomit. “Hey” he put on that crooked smile you already knew, Nothing surprising. Somehow, the little girl in you imaged his first words to be more pontifically or…. something like that. Good to know that some things will never change. “As I can see, you are not dead. Now I have to write an apology letter to your sister. We already informed her of your passing” “You are looking good too, Claw” “I was serious” “I know. Did you get my letters?” “Well…. Yeah…. What was the deeper purpose of these?” “Deeper purpose?” “Yes! Why would you write me letters? We didn’t like each other” “Sure about that?” “Well I assumed based on our shared past, James” “James? We are still at James?” “Isn’t that your name?” “Uhm…. Yea, it is” he looked down for a second before he raised his glace again and seemed a bit subdued. You knit your eyebrows in confusion. Did you say something wrong? What you said was the definite truth! You didn’t get the meaning of the letters, besides the fact that they were actually lovely and you two – indeed – didn’t like each other enough to receive these letters. Then you started to look down on his ripped and dirty clothes until you saw a big bloodstain near his stomach. “You-“ you reached out your hand for the stain, to feel if it still was wet. Surprisingly, the loose looking clothes are pretty narrow, so you could feel his muscles under it. “a doctor. You need a doctor! Medical…. Treatment!” “Some of the guys are worse than me” “Now” “Hey, Claw. I am fine. Don’t worry. Wait…. You wouldn’t worry anyway, right?” “That – That’s not fair! You should go and see a doctor” “I will” he stepped back and run past you. Why was he angry this time?

When the doctor was about to finish his treatment with Bucky when you slowly stepped into the room. He was sitting on a lounger without his top but about to put it back on. You could get a view of his upper body and how perfectly smooth it looked. Not a single scratch, not a scar, or anything else. The doc put his stuff together and left the room directly. Seemed like James was the last patient on his list for the day, and then there was silence. Big and uncomfortable silence. He was mad at you, but for what? For you being confused about friendly letters, which he had no reason for? It's not like that you two ever had a long and pleasant conversation before, so he had no right to be that angry with you! "I am confused" you took the word and looked strong at him. He listened to you, shook his head, and pulled on his shirt in one quick and smooth movement. "Why do I got these letters from you? We weren't that close before, so I have every right to be confused, and you never explained it! In none of these letters!" "You read them? All of them?" "Well…. Of course, I did!" "And you still call me James?" "Okay!" you raised your hands and blow entirely off. "Why is it so important to you how I call you? WHY?!" "it just is" "Okay, fine, I call you Bucky. Happy now?" "A bit" "Tell me why!" "Just means I am closer" "closer? Closer to what?" "Don't mind, Claw," he winks at you, and indeed his mood got better, and he isn't mad anymore? Jesus, this MAN is driving her CRAZY!

"Don't call me Claw" he smirked and stood up from the lounger, then he came close to you, very close. He stood directly in front of you, so close, you could feel his body heat on your own body. He lowered his head down to your ear and whispered something in it: "you will always be Claw. See you tonight" "Tonight?" "There is a pub down the street. Come for a drink" "You invite me for a drink?" "I do" "Is it poisoned?" you asked him, what make him laugh. "Not yet" "But later?" "You have to try" "What an enormous stupid idea to go for a drink which is protentional poisoned! You think I am stupid?" "No. Actually, I think you are quite intelligent. I can't force you to come for the drink, but I would love to see you. Please come" more than just confused, you got left behind buy Bucky. What was that? Honestly, what was that? What the hell was that?! James Buchanan Barnes, you ---- Jerk!

"If you want to hear my opinion. A boy will always be a boy. If he was like that before the War, he would not change much" Peggy turned a few times sideways before the mirror and smooth her red dress down. She put it on because she will go to the Pub where Steve and the other from the 107th are. She wanted to see Steve and want to have a little talk with him. You, on the other hand, didn't put anything fancy. Actually, you had your nightwear already. You didn't plan to go to the pub, even though Bucky would be happy about it. This situation was too confusing for you, and you decided to get more distance to the problem. You wanted to look at it more detailed and with a clear view. Bucky behaved strangely, and everything started with these letters, so you asked Peggy about it. You told her the whole History with Past and present, and she said that he probably is just playing around. Nobody goes from enemies to lovers in that short period, without spending time. It was only not possible. The first letter was friendly, but there weren't any signs that he would send her one. Letting the situation cooldown would be the best for her and that precisely what you will do. Let the case cool down! "You look good, Agent. He will love it" "who?" "You know who I meant" "Possible," you smiled, and Peggy smiled too until she went out of the door.

Meanwhile….

"You look nervous. Why are you nervous?" "I am not" Bucky grabbed his drink and took a sip, but when he heard the door opening, he immediately put down his glass, leaned back, and looked at the door. "Of course you are not nervous" Steve smiled and sat next to his friend at the bar. "It's not nervousness, Steve" "Then tell me what else it is?" he poked his friend, who didn't answer. He just shook his head with a decent smile and grabbed his glass again. He knows this kind of behavior from Bucky. It's about a girl, he is waiting for a certain girl to come in, and the clue was, Steve already knows which Girl Bucky had in mind. What stumbles him was the reason why he chooses her. Before the War, when they were in school together, he never showed special interest in her. It was quite the opposite; he was absolutely not interested in her. He avoided the contact and chat with her after that little accident with the dress. And she? Well, he made her feelings about Bucky more than clear: she hated him from the bottom of her soul. So maybe it was just a typical boy who wants what they can't have in a situation. That would at least the most logical answer to that whole surreal scenario. "Did she read them? The letters I send her?" "She did. Although she was skeptical. Until the 6th or 8th letter, she thought, a friend would write them for you, and you just send them to her to make fun of her" "did she really thought that? That it was a bad joke?" "Well, Bucky-" Steve laughed a bit and shook his head. "You can't deny that these letters came out of the blue! Before that, you never had a good talk without me preventing you two from killing each other. So getting these nice written letters was indeed a surprise, and she had a good reason to be suspicious" "Looking from that perspective…. What did I though? That was a stupid idea" Bucky pinch together his face until he took his drink and finished it in one sip. "Buck… what did you expect from her?" he thought about it for a second when he shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing" "But Bucky-" "Hey Steve, let's not talk about it anymore, okay? It was something stupid, and we put the veil of forgetting over it, okay? It never happened" "But it did happen, Bucky, and now you confused her. So what is the overall plan?" "There is no plan, man. It was just-" he hesitates a second and looked down into his empty glass. Yeah, what was it, Bucky? Was it just boredom why you wrote the letters? Was it desperation? Homesickness? Desire? And unsolved puzzle? The Only woman who doesn't thirst over him? The only one he couldn't conquer? Was it even a little spark of love? He didn't know; it was just a right and good feeling writing these letters to her. He was at the front; things are different there. A fallen friend from his Unit wrote letters to a girl he didn't even like, just because he wanted to. These were nice letters too. He didn't care if she read them or burn them; he just wanted to write someone, something nice. In addition to that, it has to be mentioned that this guy joined the army because he didn't have family left. So writing that girl was the only option he had, and he liked it. Bucky hadn't the same situation. He could write to his sister or Steve. It was not like he had nobody to write to, but writing to her just felt right. "Just nothing serious" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a solid smile. "Sure…" at that moment, it got silent in the room, and everyone's head was turning towards the door. So did Bucky and Steve looked in the same direction. It was Peggy in a stunning red dress, which fit her body perfectly. She was coming directly up to Steve and Bucky, but she just saw Steve. "Captain," "Agent Carter," "Stark has complied some equipment for you. You should come and try it" she looked over to Bucky for a second, who smiled nicely at her, but she just stared him down with that steel brown eyes. He got a little bit scared, but he liked the woman who can keep up with him. In the background, she heard how Steve's man are starting to sing again. "I see your top squad is preparing for duty?" – "You don't like music?" Bucky asked her question, but her eyes and attention were just on Steve, and he was invisible to her. "I do, actually. I might even – when this is all over – go dancing" – "Then what are we waiting for?" he tried another approach at the beautiful Britain agent, but she still ignores him completely. "For the right partner," she smiled slightly. "Tomorrow, 800 captains" then she turned away from the boys and walked out of the pub. "Yes, ma'am! I will be there" "I am invisible" Bucky shrugged his shoulders and looked at Steve with a satisfied smile, that his friend got the beautiful lady this time. "I-I am turning into you! This is a horrible dream" "Don't take it so hard-" Steve pad his shoulder and smiled too. "Maybe she's got a friend! Oh right, Claw is her friend!" "Haha – what?" "You heard it, Claw and Agent Carter are good friends since they met a couple of months ago. They trained together and work well as a team" "You mean that your hard-boiled, sexy, badass British nearly girlfriend is friends with Claw?" "Yeah," Steve nodded his head, not aware of what that meant for the boys. That was a disaster, like – ENORMOUS disaster! "Steve! Agent Carter and Claw are friends? Like… friends?" "Yes? Did something hit your head?" "This is bad! You can't have your best friend and your girl be best friends! They will form an alliance and have all the power to destroy us?" "us? Why us? You have problems with Claw, not me. And I survived this constellation the past few months pretty good, so I am not worried – oh wait! You are worried about your ass" "I am" Bucky nodded his head a few times fast. "Because your pretty but deadly Agent for sure has some tricks upon her sleeve and Claw? Oh, we both know she is full of surprises. I am dead. Officially" "You overdramatize it, Bucky. They are cool" "Yeah, with you, mister perfect blond hair" "Okay, you know what-"Steve raised his hand and ordered a few more drinks. "Let's have a good night! Cheers, my friend!"

While Steve and Peggy were with Stark to test out some new weapons for Steve, you took the chance to use the training room for yourself. It was an excellent opportunity for you to think about everything that happened the past two days. You spend your night rereading the letters to find a hint to solve this situation, but there wasn't. These were just lovely written letters from Bucky to you. Nothing more about it. Just words. Just nice words!

You punched the punching bag a few times pretty hard so that the chain with which it was attached to the ceiling rattles a few times loudly. So when it was just a nice word, written down on a dirty piece of paper, make your thought circle and skip all the time. It was a thug and war game in your head between, admitting that there could be a deeper meaning behind it and just brushing it off and don't think about it anymore. As much you want the one, the other was alarming. And there was this little voice in the back of your brain, saying that you initially hated Bucky. But why is something in you wanted to deny that you hate Bucky and want it to be something? Well, he was indeed a handsome man, and for sure, he could be nice. She has letters to prove that there was something good about him, but why did she initially hate him? It was clearly not just because he vomited on her dress one evening. No, she wasn't superficial like that.

While you lambasted the dummy in the training room, you didn't recognize how someone was entering It. He lends against one of the exercise equipment's, with arms crossed, that little smirk on his lips and looking at you. You noticed him in the corner of your eye and stopped your training. You were sweaty, and you were out of breath, but you liked it like that. A hard training session helped you to clear your mind. "Steve told me, you have a tough punch, but I had no clue" "Because you underestimated me all the time" "Ohhh did I? What a horrible mistake of mine" "Right" you nodded your head and went over to the place where you had your stuff, a little town, a water bottle and a jacked for leaving. You took the city and wiped the sweat away from your face. "You weren't in the pub Yesterday…. I've waited for you" "I-I had…. Stuff to do. Some documents to check and things to think about" "Mhm" he slowly nodded his head and repel from the what he lend on and walked towards you. "Were you successful? With the documents?" "Uhm-"your thoughts went clear for the blink of a second. Did you ever mention how unbelievably clear and beautiful his eyes were? This kind of blue was so light, like a nice clear blue sky. "No," your voice returned, and you shook your head. "There was nothing helpful in these documents" you knitted your eyebrows and took a step back. He was coming unusually near again. What was wrong with him? "Bucky…. What you want from me?" "What I want? From you?" "Yes. I have no problems with admitting that I am confused by your behavior" "You are confused by me?" she smiled a little bit brighter and honest. "That's-"you rolled your eyes. "That's not what I meant! You just behaving oddly! Tell me what's up, now!" "You don't like that?" "Liking what?!" "Liking it when I come near to you? Writing these letters to you? When I devour you with my eyes?" he wanted to get all seductive but no chance. That sounded too stupid for her taste. "Bucky, you know we are not in one of these movies from the theater? Devouring me with your eyes is not the kind of phrase which makes me melt for you" you blink at him and turn away from him. "Indeed… I think a woman who fell for that have very little self-respect" "Claw, come 'one! You can't tell me you didn't like this kind of cheesy! Everybody likes that!" "Ohhh, now I get it" she turned back to him and smiled herself. "I am just a target on your list, and you get frustrated because I am not thirsting over you! Like most of the girls back home? So predictable. And I thought there would be more behind it. Guess it is just the game of an unmatured little schoolboy" you waved it off and wanted to grab your thinks to leave. You were almost out of the door when Bucky asked to hold you back. "Want to hear a funny story?" you give a huge sigh and roll your eyes, but you turned around one more time and crossed the arms in front of your chest. "Sure" maybe he will give up after this story. You didn't want to be the center of a stupid game. If you wanted to have the attention of a man, you wanted it to be real. And when it comes down to Bucky and you, there was just real aversion. "Yesterday – when I waited for you in the pub – I talked with Steve. He told me you were confused about the letters. Maybe I shouldn't have written them in the first place since they came out of the blue" he knit his eyebrows for a short second, and for a moment, he looked lost, but then he regained his confidence and smirked at you again. "I never hated you, Claw. Never" "If that is true… why all these arguments, the comments, and that eye-rolling? That's doesn't make sense!" he wanted to come a little bit closer and smiled slightly. "You don't know about boys, right?" – you wanted to answer when you heard the door and a view voices. "Anyway," he cleared his throat and did a few steps back and folded the arms behind his back.

You glanced up and saw some guys from his Unit standing there, ready to use the training room. Then you looked back at Bucky, who tried to avoid any eye contact with you. That was the reason why you couldn't stand Bucky. He might be a good guy, but he changed his behavior, depending on who was around. Before these guys were here, he tried to be friendly and even tried flirting but now? He put so much space between you two as possible. "James," you said his name softly but with a disappointing undertone. You weren't disappointed that his flirting was just for his fun. You were disappointed because Steve felt so proud about Bucky being his friend. He would be so devastated when he finds out how Bucky behave. "Sergeant," you elongated your shoulders and nodded the head slightly to leave the room. At least you got your answer now, how to value these letters. You shouldn't value them at all, there is the product of a man who is just playing around, and you didn't have time for that. At the end of the day, it was War, and missions had to be planned.

The next few days, you brought as much space between yourself and Bucky as possible. You couldn't stand inconsistency, and Bucky was full of that. Anyway, it wasn't your problem anymore, since you discredited him for your greater good. He would take too much attention from you and your work, and right now, you needed all of your attention. The first mission of the Howling commando will be today. Tony, Peggy, your uncle, and yourself took days for the planning and researching. Since it would be a Hydra Base you are attacking, accurate planning was a necessity. That included calculating all the skills of the Commando itself. Peggy and your Uncle took the central part, planning the attack itself, with time management and others. Your domain was analyzing the abilities of Soldiers, that included Bucky, much to your chagrin. But luckily for you, most of Bucky's skills were written down in his military file, and you doubt that he learned new things. So it was an easy thing to calculate their skills into the plan. Even though many great minds worked on this plan, it was a weak one. You didn't know enough about the Hydra facilities, so you guys planned with some sort of puffer zone for mistakes. That's not the best Precondition for doing such a dangerous mission, but it will go well with a super Soldier like Steve. At least you hoped it for Steve. Lucky for you guys, there was a Hydra base basically around the corner from your Headquarters. So if something would go wrong, there are definitely safe options for retreat or reinforcement.

It was about 3 hours in the mission. You and Peggy were sitting the underground base at the big round table, with all the Plans for Today's mission. You had a walkie-talkie with you in case the guys needed help or further instructions. While Peggy was a little bit stressed and nervous, you were definitely calmer. You knew that Steve would be hard to kill since his wounds will heal faster and his overall senses are better. "How can you be so calm?!" Peggy grabbed the walkie-talkie aggressively and starred it down. Then she stood up and walked around like a chirpy cat. "It's Steve! He is your friend!" she tried to convince you into being worried too. "Steve is a super Soldier; he will manage to return" "And the others?" "They are with Steve" you smirked slightly and got in a more comfortable sitting position. You put your feet up on the seating surface of another chair, leaned back in your seat, and put your hand behind your head. "So much can go wrong! We should have planned it better! More details, and we should have trained more for it" she shook her head and turn over the mobile radio in her hands. "A-And the other one? Sergeant Barnes? I saw you talking a lot a while ago" "You really want to talk about it, right now?" she stopped walking for a second seemed to rethink her choice of Smalltalk. "Yes, why not" she shrugged her shoulders and set down a few seats away, and throw the Walkie-Talkie on the table. "This is what women do, right? Talking and doing nothing" after that, you have to laugh. Yes, that's what women are supposed to do at this age. "Agent Carter, we both know that women like us are supposed to do more than that," and Peggy had to smirk too. "The guys are fine, probably. Maybe already on their way back home. So do not worry too much about Steve" "I- I am not-!" she wanted to disagree, but you just raised your hand and shook your head. "I might not be a delicate woman, but I am no stupid. I can see, and I can interpret. Just an idiot would miss the chemistry between you and Steve" "Chemistry? That sounds like a pathetic movie" she rolled her eyes and sighed. "Even strong women are allowed to have a crush on a very handsome, nice, gentleman soldier with flawless blond hair and a demigod build body," you winked at her. You might be able to see a little glint of red around her nose. "I can relate, don't worry. Who wouldn't be interested in a 1,83 cm tall man build of pure muscles, right?" "I am not that superficial!" "I know!" you nod your head shortly and smiled warmly. "You like Steve because of Steve. Because of his values, principles, and character. Not because of his physical experience. I just want to say, it is okay to have a crush on him. Even though we are strong women, we are allowed to have feelings for someone else" "Is that so? What about you? You and Sergeant Barnes? Hm? You tell me I am allowed to fall in love with someone else but look at you! All cool and cold about the Soldier" "Me and Barnes? James Buchanan Barnes? The Womanizer from Brooklyn? No thanks," you shook your head and thought about Bucky for a second and shook your head again. "No! Never possible" "Sure" "I mean, he is too ---- too Bucky" "too Bucky?" "Yeah, you know, too smooth, charming with that crooked but somehow alluring smile and – you know – the optical appealing physic" "So…. You think he looks good?" "No, that's not what I meant" "That's what you said" "I just…. Analyzed it on a neutral basis!" "If you feel better about yourself if you say it like that," Peggy shrugged her shoulders and turned her back on you. What you said was nonsense. Looking for all those little things about a person, it not just analyzing them. It's giving them this special kind of attention, where you try to find as many little things as possible. "Steve told me about you and Bucky and your rough relationship" "What?! Why did he-" "For research purposes," Peggy interrupted you and turned around to look at you with a little smirk on her lips. "That there is a special kind of tension between you two is obvious. I needed to know if it is helpful or hindering for future missions. If there are problems in the Team, I should know, and he mentioned the thing between you two. I always thought that men are the underexposed gender, but in this case, it's you who is not getting it" "Getting it? Getting what?" "Sergeant Barnes" "Bucky? There is not much about him to get. He is a man; he likes boobs, hips, and most importantly, a lack of brain" "Sure about that?" "You are already the second person who is asking me that. Yes, I am sure! I do not change my mind on things; I am usually getting things right the first time, and James Buchanan Barnes? He is egocentric, idiotic, self-assertive, and the general opinion that a woman will immediately fall in love with his pretty face. So, what is there that I do not get about him?" "You actually have no clue, don't you?" you give a huge groan of annoyance and stood up from your chair. "Call me when they returned from the mission and how it went. I am sure Colonel Philips has something to do for me which is more sense full than…. Waiting," you turned your back to Peggy and wanted to walk out of the room when she mentioned something towards you, which throw out of the line a bit. "he likes you; that's why he behaved like this. I can't say if it's love but measured by the amount of time he has a crush on you, I would suggest it's something like love. Well, you can never be sure with men, but I am pretty sure he likes you" – "That's-" you turned around for a second and shook your head. "He is a little schoolboy who likes to play pranks and joking around. He was never serious about anything or anyone besides the friendship with Steve. It's just…. Bucky" "One of the many things I learned from my brother is that boys show affection by being extraordinarily annoying and mean towards girls. They think it would make them cooler and gives them the Bad Boy Charm. Obviously, it didn't work in that case, but I am sure sergeant Barnes has a little thing for you" Instead of answering her, you just left the room. The guys will be fine and probably back soon. Originally you wanted to ask your uncle for something to do, but now, you just wanted to have a strong and big drink. So you headed to your room, make a quick change of clothes, and left the basis for the pub nearby.

You sat there. A few hours – at least you thought it would be a few hours – but in reality, it must have been an hour or so. Not more than one and a half. Time was rushing in your current state of awareness because your brain was working. Your thoughts were rolling over each other because you tried to find the mistake in that scenario. You and Bucky? You have never been friends before, and now he had a crush on you? Apparently, to Peggy, he had a desire for a long time, but that wouldn't make sense. He was always with other girls, was flitting around, never seemed too happy about your presence. He just had a few nice words for you when you two meet, and mostly they were meant ironically. And then – out of the blue – there were these letters, and now you are completely confused. The people around you, telling you he has feelings for you but does he? Or is he just a good actor? You would assume the second, but Steve would have told you otherwise. So what is it with Bucky? He behaved strangely when he was around you and even more strange when others were around too. He was inconsistent, but why? This man was acting without any kind of logical concept behind it, and it drives you crazy, and then you came back to your old tuck and war game in your head. You wanted it to be accurate, but you know it couldn't be possible. Stuck between reality and a pipe dream (when you can call it like that). But instead of asking why he was acting like that, you should ask a better question: how did you felt about that? All of that? You couldn't stand Bucky because of his lucid character but was that all? Was that the whole reason why you didn't like him all these years?

"Hey, pretty Lady," someone put a drink next to you on the counter. It was a familiar voice you could recognize easily by now. "How you know I was here?" "I didn't. We successfully finished the mission, so we wanted to go for a drink. It just happened to be this pub with you in it" "James-" "Oh no. I thought we would be over the James thing" "I never liked you, and I showed you that I didn't like you. I even told you that I don't! So why –"you moved your head sideways to looked in his face. "So why do you like me? Why the only girl who showed that she is not interested?" he moved his head forth and back and had a slight smile on his lips. "I- I could say because you were the only one not interested, but that would be just half of the story?" "Then, what's the whole story?" "Well… It was somehow a love at the first sight situation, with the difference that you didn't like me" "You vomited on my dress" "Yeah – haha – not my best first impression, right?" "No. Actually not" "The point is-" he wanted to get a little nearer towards you when the front door of the pub was slammed open. You could hear loudly bawling man, and when Bucky leaned back and raised his hand for a greeting wave, you know it was the rest of the Howling Commando. And you immediately had that hunch that Bucky would go on distance now, and your conversation would be over. "Alright. You should go" "No, why? I am here talking to you" "Ohhh, you want to stay with me? All informal?" "Claw-" "James," he shudders his head and grins a little bit. "It wasn't your authority I had concerns about. Your uncle is the Colonel and Boss of this group. I didn't want to fall in disgrace" "A pretty lame excuse, don't you think?" "It isn't an excuse" "Sound like one" "Why-" he knit his eyebrows and shake his head slowly. "Why are you so distrustful of me? What I did to you?" "You ---! Do not act like I am the odd one here" "Odd one? What you mean?" "You have a crush on me?" you decided to jump into the cold water and just asked the question, which burned on your tongue. Also, Bucky seemed to be overwhelmed by that and looked at you like a deer in headlights. You were a little impatient, so after you didn't get an answer, you just rolled your eyes and stood up from your seat. "Boys will be boys…" you whispered, annoyed and thrust past Bucky and head for the Exit of the pub, with fast steps. Behind your back, you could hear how Bucky pushed back his chair too and head after you. "Claw, wait!" he wanted to grab your forearm, but you were faster and went out of the door. If you believe he would give up – haha – good joke. You took a deep breath from the cold evening air when you felt pressure around your wrist. As fast as you've always been, you withdraw your hand from Bucky's, turned around, and wanted to punch him in the face. But you underestimated him and his reflexes. He already saw that coming and dodge his head to the side and grinned. "You know most girls just start whimpering if they didn't get an answer" "I am not like most girls" you were incredibly angry at yourself for wasting so much time with him. You were angry about him for being him! So you went for the next attack and wanted to use a horizontal elbow strike, which was also blocked by him. This time, he holds your elbow tight with his hands he blocked it with. "Yes, that's right. You are not. You are like a feral cat. Always grumpy and always willing to fight" "Right!" you rushed to remove your arm from his hold, took a half step back, and went for a lead head kick, but you got it a little bit lower, so you would just hit his rips. He wasn't prepared for that, so you hit him with full power. He groaned in pain and hold his side; he could already feel how a big hematoma will grow there. This time, he really did make her angry. He heard from Steve that she was a good fighter, but he never knew how good she actually was. She was fast, strong, and had total control over the positioning of her kicks and punches. A real powerhouse of a woman. Of course, he went for the feisty one! "Ouch – that was a good one, Claw" he pulled in air sharply and put again a smile one. "But if you would have waited for 10 seconds more, you would have to get your answer" "I don't need one anymore" you loosed up your attack and defense fight position and pulled straightened your clothes, and wanted to leave when Bucky grabbed your arm, again and again, you punched him. This time, you got his nose. "Jesus – Claw!" he pulled his head back and hold his nose, but you didn't saw blood coming out from it, so it was fine. Maybe it will get a little swollen but not more. "Stop punching me!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Okay, then do not complain about punches!" "Why do you have to punch me?!" "I don't know – reflexes?" "Get it under control!" "Stop touching me!" "No!" "Why?!" "Because I don't want to!" "Okay then-" "Even if you use me as a punching sack," "Don't complain then!" "Just stop it for a second" "Why?" "Because I want to tell you that I indeed have a crush on you!" "Why?" "What you mean with why? It's just like this!" "Why?" "Claw!" you looked at him perplexed. When you heard it, and it was clear that he had a crush on you, you were more confused than before. That never happened before. Never ever did a boy admit something on you – except when they said they didn't like you. That was something new, and now it was Bucky too. The only one you could never imagine in that situation. "Claw?" he ripped you out of your thoughts and wanted to take a step nearer to you. Of course, he was careful and afraid that you would punch him again. "Permission to come near?" he asked jokingly, and you nodded slowly. "tell me why" "Why? Claw, I do not have an answer for that" he shrugged his shoulders. "It just is what it is. One day, I started to look at you closer, notice little things you did, and then it just happened" "You stalked me?!" "No! NO! That's not what – Jesus! You are so intelligent and yet so stupid" he seemed to get angry too, or more frustrated. "I send you these letters in the hope you would change your mind about me. There is something private and intimate, so you could know me on a different level. With people around us, it was hard for me to get to know you" "Okay, but-"you knit your eyebrows in confusion. "Why all the flirts with numerous girls? In front of me? Didn't make sense" "Well-" he smirked. "I thought I could make you jealous, but it clearly didn't work" "No, it didn't! The opposite happened; I liked you less" "Wow – ouch – yes, it was a stupid idea but-" "No! You are just joking around!" you made a few steps away from him to leave, but he heads after you again, and he grabbed your wrist again and pulled you towards him, this time. At that moment, you wanted to make a noise of protest, but it was too late. He pressed his lips on yours but not in an aggressive way. It was somehow a gentle and shy kiss, more like a softly putting his lips on yours despite the situation. You were surprised by the act itself but also by the good feeling it gave you. A few seconds, you tried to melt into that new, arousing feeling until your brain started to work again and pulled you faced back and slapped Bucky hardly in the face. "Claw-"but before he could finish the sentence, you grabbed his face and kissed him again. You wanted to make sure this feeling was not just a one-time glimpse, and it wasn't. After a few seconds, you ended the kiss and were shocked about the result, and when the last minute panic was growing in you, you slapped him again. "Sorry," you directly apologized what didn't make the situation better. You kicked him, punched him, and slapped him multiple times. Seemed like he would be over you right now. "I hope it's not getting a habit to hurt me, whenever I am near to you….?" "You plan to do this more often?" "I –" he wanted to say something and just shook his head. You were incredible and so naturally honest. "I want to kiss you again – now – please do not punch me" "I try" "Promise!" "I try, but I can't promise!" "Claw!" "Wait-"you took one step back again. "I still don't get it. You behaved like a jerk all these years because you liked me?" "Yes" "That's so stupid!" "I am a boy, Claw. We do stupid things" "But that even too stupid for you," he groaned, annoyed and shook his head, when he stemmed his arms in his hips. "Just shut up for a second and let me kiss you. Okay?" "But-" she wanted to disagree, but he went to her with a few quick steps to kiss her again. It was still soft but more confident and intense. And there was it again, that little, intense and new feeling which started to grow in your stomach. It tingled a little but was warm – so hot – and it grows fast until that warmth was everywhere in your body. He stated a little sweet, with a bitter undertone, from his drink. His lips were so soft, but his hands on your cheeks felt a little bit sore but not disturbing at all. He smelled a little bit like smoke, sweat, and dirt from the mission he came from. When he ended the kiss, he slightly smirked. "You didn't punch me. We are making progress, darling" "Don't call me that" bumped him against his chest, so he had to make a half step back with a bright smile. You rolled your eyes and turned away from him. "Fuck you!" – "Would you?" "You know, I used to dream about ending your life" you had that little devilish smile on your face, which just get countered by his self-proud smile. "Now you want to spend it with me? I would call that progress" "Na, I still think about ending it if you continue doing what you are doing" "And what am I doing?" "You are driving me crazy. Stop that" "No chance," he shook his head and put his arm around your shoulders. "What are you doing?" – "touching you?" "Stop that" "No way!" "Barnes!" "I love it when you are yelling my Name" "You ---- IDIOT!" "Your idiot. We want to be specific here" "I kill you, I promise!" "Don't make promises you can't keep" "Who said I can't keep it?" "Because you do not hate me" "Grrrrr – you are still an idiot!" "Loooooove is in the aaaaaaair," he stats to sing when it was finally enough for you. You freed yourself from him and ran a few steps forward, but he came after you. Guess you didn't get rid of him any time soon.

The next mission for the howling Commando was in progress. Together with the soldiers, Peggy, Uncle Chester, and you were developing a better plan. They told you that there was some trouble with equipment and gave you information about how this facility was built. Based on the new information's you were designing a new plan of attack. This progress took a while, and it took much time. So you personally had just a little time left and spend this free hour with sleep and rest. Since Bucky didn't have all these tasks, he was finished with his things early on days. Actually, he just had the usual training schedule on his daily routine. Maybe a weapon test, when Stark was finished with something new, but that's it.

"Great! Put it down on a report, so we can give it for further investigations" your uncle closed the meeting for the day and left the notes on the big round table. Today it was your turn to put the stuff you talked about into a pretty file. It would be the last thing on your to-do list for the day. After everybody left the room, you heard how the door opened again. You looked over the big table on the opposite of the room. You saw Bucky standing there, having a quick view over the notes on the table. "paperwork?" utilizing his voice, you could tell that he hoped you would say no, but he knew it was a lost hope. "Yes," you groaned in exhaustion and looked again over all the papers. It was a hard week for you, and you didn't have a lot of sleep. So many things that need to be done, and this was the last drip for you. Since the War began and you were in active service, something like weekend got a foreign word. "Maybe I can help you?" "Just when your fingers can tip on a writing machine as fast as you can shoot" "Uhm…. No" "Then you can't help me" "Buuuut-" he smiled and walked around the table towards you. "I can do other things?" he went behind you and stroke your hair to the side to start kissing your neck softly. "James-"you giggled a bit. "We can't – not here!" "did I mentioned that I love it when you call me James with that flutter voice of yours?" "Sergeant Barnes!" you wanted to talk sense in him, but there was no chance that he would end his activity back there. "I love it even more when you call me Sergeant Barnes," he whispered into your ear with a hot breath, so your whole neck was covered in goosebumps. After a few moments, he started to caress your neck with the tip of his fingers. As he would crawl you. "You are really tensed" then he started to massage your neck, which elicited you a few relaxing groans. It felt so good when he's strong, and big hands knead your hurting muscles in your neck, and you closed your eyes for a few seconds to really lean into his movements. It's been a while since you two had time for each other. After that – more than just awkward – evening, you hadn't had many moments to talk about what happened. You two just agreed – in silence – that you would just roll with it and see where it ends. You are still suspect about him a little bit. On a scale from 1 – 10, you trusted him with a good 6 or 7. So there was a long way to something like a liaison. Bucky was incredibly talented when I came down to being seductive and charming. Nothing you didn't know before, but you had to be careful. After you just let go of most of your thoughts, falling for him completely was a sweet forbidden fruit. He couldn't control any of his desires, drives, or carvings, so you had to be twice a careful. The art was to not get addicted to him and taste too much of that sweet, sweet flavor and have just enough taste on the tip of your tongue to make life delicious as candy. If you tasted too much, you would get into an ecstasy, to less, and you two would get bored. It was a balancing act, or a play with fire because Bucky was like a forest fire. "Hey Claw," his voice brought you back to reality, and you tried to turn your head towards him. "hm?" "Do you want to go out with me tonight? Dancing? Having a drink? Maybe a little moonlight walk?" "A date? You want to go on a date with me?" "I want to take you out, not date. Dating is for people who are not a couple – we are" "Are we?" you asked back. For you, it wasn't a real couple feeling what you two had and did. It was more like a workplace romance, but it didn't felt like something serious, strong, and made for more. "You – You didn't think we are, something?" "Bucky-" you turned around to him and leaned against the table. "What do we know about each other? Most of the time I have known you, I didn't like you" "Thanks for the friendly reminder" "I just want to point out that you can't jump from enemies to lover just by the blink of a moment" he seemed to thought about it and nodded his head. "Good. We have a date tonight. Put on something nice, and I will pick you up. Sound good?" "Indeed" "Great! But-" he put a hand on your cheek and gave you a little kiss on your cheekbones. "I will not give up the kisses, even if it is indecently" he winked at you and wanted to leave the room. At the moment he left, you wanted him back. He smelled so incredible good, and his body warmth was so intense when he was near to you. "Sergeant Barnes!" and as you would pull him back on the string, he turned around to you in one fluid movement, beat the heels together, and stretched his head forward as he would expect any commands from you. "Yes, Ma'am?" To be honest? You liked him in his soldier mode. So serious and receptive to your orders, even though you didn't have a higher military rank than he did. "Please remind your Unit to submit their mission reports in time. I do not want to run after that" "Yes, Ma'am," he winked at you before he left the room. After you were sure he left, you took a deep breath. You needed to get your work done, and after that, you could think about the date tonight. If you manage to be able to go there. You have to admit, you never went on a date before. You never were interested in this kind of activity, AND nobody ever asked you.

It took you forever to put everything on paper and file it away. It was a long evening in the office and your eyes already hurt from the desk lamp's bad lighting. It was somehow a filthy yellowish light, and it started to flicker after a few hours. You realized how late it was when you heard the door behind you. You looked tiredly over your shoulder and saw Bucky in his dress uniform. "You forgot it?" "No. I just had too much work to do" "You need help?" "No, I finished it, like 1 minute ago" you leaned back in your seat and closed your eyes. "So you don't want to go out anymore?" "To be honest? I would prefer to just stay here and have a casual evening" "Okay," he nodded and grabbed a chair from nearby to sit next to her. Before he sat down, he unbuttons his uniform jacket and hangs it over the backrest of his chair. He also got rid of his tie and opened the first two buttons of his shirt, pulled it out of the trouser, and took off his head to loosen his hair too. He looked like a wild night out, with too many drinks and wild affairs. Perfect fit to your optical illusion right now. You were tired, your uniform slipped here and there a little bit, and you already took off your shoes and tie. "Already better! So – I am sure somebody has a bottle of scotch in their desk drawers" "Yes-"you pointed at the biggest desk at the top of the room. "My uncle has some, in the lowest one" "Your uncle? Sure nobody else?" "Just go and grab the damn scotch!" "Yes, Ma'am!" he stood up and walked fast over there. Didn't took him long to get the bottle and came back. "Glasses?" he looked around to look for Something they can use as glass. "Damn it" you overreached the bottle and opened it, and took a sip out of it. You weren't in a pub, fancy ballroom, dinner with parents, or in the company! You could drink right out of the bottle, at least this one time. "Okay," he took the bottle back and took a sip. "You are not ladylike, aren't you?" "Definitely not!" "That's good. I am not a fan of the Gentleman stuff either" "You would look terrible in cylinder and wreck" "You think so?" "Pretty sure, yes" "Thank God I do not have to wear one. The military uniform is already killing me. Do you know how much time it took me to get into all of these layers? An unreasonable daman!" he took another sip. "Be happy you do not have to wear these tight skirts – Jesus, what would I give for a pair of comfortable shoes and pants!" you took the bottle back and also took a big sip. "I mean-" he raised an eyebrow, put on a mischievous smile, and tilted his head a bit. "You could just take all off" "No!" you took another sip. "I am not one for your easy girls, where you just smile, and the clothes fall off" "That's what you think of me? A sex-driven guy?" "I didn't say that! I just said that it took you more effort to take off my clothes" "I didn't doubt that" he took back the bottle and took a big big sip out of it. "What you planned for the evening? Besides dancing and walking?" "Talking. Mostly talking. I already talked with Steve, and there are so many things we do not know about each other. So maybe tonight is a good start?" "Sure. Ask whatever you want to know" "How did you meet Steve?" "Oh good – I guess it was somewhere in the primary school. His father and my father were friends from active Service. So we meet somehow one day. We linked over a book and got into a chat, and – yeah – now we are here. How did you meet, by the way? That Is way more interesting?!" "he got into a fight. Couldn't finish it. So I did. Our bonding moment" "Guys," you rolled your eyes, smiled, and reached out for the bottle to take another sip. "And your father is fine with you being here? And serving for your country? I bet he must be proud that his little wildcat is doing Something in the military as he did?" "Uhm…. He… I hope he is proud, but I don't know" "You don't know? Didn't have that strong bound?" "Oh no, we have – had – we were really close" "Had?" "He died a few months ago inactive Service. Before Steve and I joined the SSR, I got a letter that he passed away. But it's not a big deal, I knew he would die in this way and so did he" "You dad died, that's a big deal" "It was predictable, so it didn't hit as hart" "But --- how can you not be sad?" "Like I said, it was predictable. It's not like that I didn't love my father, but I knew he would die inactive Service, so it was kind of prepared for that" you shrugged your shoulders took another sip out of the bottle. "Is that why you like to follow logic ways?" "Hm?" "I noticed, you are fine with things as long they are logical. As soon as it's not logical, you are confused" "maybe. Maybe not. I never thought about it. Logic is simple and relatable in contrast to people" "That can't be true! You have to have a person you can rely on! What about…. Your uncle!" "Hm… he was there when my mother died when I was younger, but he left someday, without a word" "Then you father!" "The US Army was always more important than me. He would prioritize them over me all the time" you shrugged your shoulders and took another sip from the bottle – a big one this time. "Who else is on your life, then?" "Steve was with you most of the time. I am not resentful because of that. Friendships between the same Sex are always stronger, so it was fine" "You do not have siblings?" "No" "Aunts? Uncles?" "No" "Grandparents?" "Dead. Listen, Bucky-" you shrugged your head. "I am fine. I've been good on my own, so I just will continue doing that; worked out good" "But-" he knit his eyebrows. "You are not alone" "Yes, I know I have my uncle with me all the time, now. And Steve, Peggy – You! But what will happen after the war ends? Everyone will go their own ways then" "You think?" "Colonel Philips will stay in the Army, Peggy and Steve will start something together – at least I hope so and I-" "We could be together too, you know?" "You think that will work? Honestly?" "You don't?" "James-" "Here we go" "Please listen. You are not as bad as I thought, you are a really nice guy. A little bit chaotic but through and through loveable, charismatic, aesthetic, good looking, and you can be a gentleman. Many women lie at your feet, and I believe you would find a good looking one to be your future wife one day. So why me? I do not have a wife's potential. So why me? I really do not get it, not at all!" he listened, nodded his head, and took a sip of the scotch. "You think you are not loveable?" "That's not what I asked. Why me? I was never nice to you. Never" "Good question! Great question! I-I don't know-" "Bucky-" "let me finish! I do not know the correct answer. But….. in the 10th grade – it was a pretty hot summer day, so the school ended earlier – as soon as you left the school, you sat down on this old bench in front of the school. You wore a summer dress in decent light blue with a darker color gradient. Your hair was up in a messy bun, and a few strands hang out. So you sat there, with a black book in your hands with golden letters on it, and we're just reading. It seemed like you were completely sunken into these pages until Steve walked over to you and talked to you. You looked up and had the most beautiful smile on your ever I ever saw. Bright and full of joy! And immediately, I felt warm and happy. This was the only time I ever saw it on you, and somehow-" he interrupted his sentence and smiled warmly and in total nostalgia. "Somehow, I wanted to be the reason for that smile. Claw --- do you believe in love at first sight? I know it sounded pathetic, but at that moment – in that little moment – I started to had a crush on you. So I talked to Steve, and he wanted to introduce me to you, at that summer ball, when I vomited on your dress. Good first impression, right? After that, I noticed you couldn't stand me, but I didn't want to give up because no matter how many times a girl smiled at me, I never had that feeling again, and that's why I cannot let you go! Not without a serious try! Can you --- can you understand that Claw? Even though you do not believe in that?" you listened to every word that he said, and even if you do not understand the reasoning, you somehow understand his emotional situation. "That why you wrote the letters?" "mhm, yes! At the front – when people try to kill you, you find yourself in the position to write a bucket list, and you know what? Giving It a try with you was the first thing that came to my mind. So I started to write you these letters. Worst case scenario? I got to shoot, and it was just a stupid idea" he did a shoulder shrug and grabbed the bottle to take a sip – the last one. "When I think about it now, it was just a stupid idea. Instead of accepting these sad feelings and admitting them," he stood up from his seat and grabbed his jacket, swung it over one shoulder, and grabbed his heat. "I start to get tipsy. Didn't drink that much in a while; I guess I will go to bed now," he explained. "Normally, I would try to sneak a good night kiss or would try to seduce you – well… I guess not tonight. You didn't seem to have decided yet if you want to give it a try yourself. I might be a jerk compared to you, but I am not that stupid" he pinched together his eyes because the dizziness started to grow. "So it's up to you now. Tell me if you like me enough to try or don't" he shrugged his shoulders and head towards the exit. "Oh and –" he turned around for another time. "Have a good night, Agent Claw" "That's not –"you smiled and shook your head. "Good night, Sergeant Barnes – Bucky" you nodded and saw him go. Good question, by the way: do you want to give it a try or not? Maybe it's not the right time to think about that, right now. You were tipsy, tired and it was late in the night. You should go to sleep yourself and rethink your choices for a second in the morning.

The next day was a calm one. This short before a new mission, it was usually hushed on the foothold. The soldiers prepared themselves for the next big thing, and the strategic department hadn't any work left. The plans were made and given to the soldiers, so it was up to them to do as they told. Peggy was fuzzy as usual and studied the method for tomorrow's mission over and over again, in case there was a leak, but there wasn't. So your uncle and yourself were pretty relaxed and were just sitting around.

So you got yourself a quiet place in the conference room, where you gabbed a swivel chair and rotate a little bit while you stare at the ceiling. You wanted to make another full turn when someone stopped your chair. You didn't even notice someone came in. "Hey Claw" "Steve! Stressed out because of tomorrow?" "Not really. Can I have a seat?" "Sure," he placed himself in front of you on another chair. "I guess we have to talk," he started and looked you drop dead serious in the eyes. "Do we?" "About Bucky? I guess we have to. Honestly, I never thought I needed to give a girl a Bucky Speech, but I guess there is a first time for everything" "A Bucky Speech? Seriously, Steve?" "Don't worry, he got the Claw Speech already" "There is a Speech about me? What did you tell him?" he gave you that glace, that he would not tell you this and you didn't care too much. "When I imagined this moment, I always thought I would actually write down all the points I am about to talk about. Thinks like: he is a good man, chaotic but honest, he will care for you and be a good husband and so on and on…. But I guess I do not have to tell you that. You either already know that or don't care, so I can save it for later-" he started to knead his hands as he would be nervous or tensed, Something like that. "Actually, I have to take a different approach. We – we both – know each other for many years, so I can claim that I know you! I know the character you made up to keep the world and their problems away from you. I know the character you turn on when you meet someone you don't like AND – most importantly – I know your real self. And I know that you never let anybody near you, especially not people you weren't so sure about. All the more, it surprised me that you and Bucky started to getting a – a thing. But Claw… Bucky is not like you, you know? He has his edges and mistakes, but he is – open. He is open, honest, truthful, brave, strong, and… delicate. He would never show or tell you, but he very sensitive sometimes, and you? You keep delicate and sensitive as far away as possible. You do that because you are afraid of getting hurt, and you do it successfully. It took me a few years to figure that out, and I think Bucky didn't realize it by now. I am afraid he will find out too late when he got already been hurt by you. Listen, we – you and I – will stay friends – good friends, I hope. But… if you do not take Bucky seriously, tell him now and not, when he already fall for you. Because somehow-" he laughed a little bit. "Somehow, he really is in love with you. I guess the saying that opposite attracted was never as true as right now. You get what I want to say?" you listened to every single word, and he had some points. You thought about it yourself a few times by now. And from a simple logical viewpoint, it was more consistent to turn Bucky down. But somehow, you couldn't. You had him, and you knew that, and now you didn't want to let him go. He was yours now. "I understand your concerns" you nodded slowly and smiled. "But I do not share your concerns" Steve knit his eyebrows and looked confused at you. You just shrugged the shoulders slowly and smiled. "D-Does that mean that you--?" "Well…" "Really, Claw? Bucky? You and Bucky?" "There is no Me and Bucky yet. But maybe? I don't know" "For real? I would never ever bet on that" "It's strange for me too. Such a new and unusual feeling, but Bucky isn't as bad as I used to think about him" "So that means you – you are actually trying?" "I try… trying…? Is that correct? I don't know, Steve! The first time I do Something completely illogical in my life, I didn't feel too bad. Guess it's right, but I don't know. I somehow cannot go fully in, if you understand what I am saying. I overthink a lot right now. So I hope Bucky has a little patience left for me to wait a few more days until I have decided finally" you shook your head and smiled. You liked that picture with you and Bucky more and more in your head, even if it was a strange one. Guess strange was your new thing – your new preference. "okay then… actually…. I don't know what to say anymore!" he stood up, a little bit perplexed still and wanted to leave the room. "Good luck for tomorrow. The mission," you said before he left.

The next day was pretty busy on the base. Since it was the second mission, everything was more detailed and had more context. He changed from the last mission where noted, and a detailed site plan was rolled on the big round table. Every member of the howling commando, which was involved in the current mission, had a Walkie-Talkie to stay in contact with the base. For time management reasons, every member got their own person of strategic support. Of course, it happened that you got Bucky this time since he was the Sniper of the group and needed to have everything on hand. Everything went after the plan they developed until Bucky talked via funk with you. "Hey Claw" "Hm?" "We got a problem" "Problem? Which kind of Problem?" "A big one" "What happened?" "There is a bomb. And it is definitely activated. Some of the scientists turned this thing on when we entered the building" Your uncle heard it and came up to you and grabbed the radio. "Sergeant Barnes, here Colonel Philips. Does the bomb have a time display?" a few moments, nothing happened when Bucky reported back. "It does. It was hidden" "What does the time say?" "two minutes and less" "Is there any opportunity that you guys could just run?" "Negative, Sir. This facility is like a labyrinth. We needed minutes to enter the central point" your uncle shook his head and put the radio down. "This is not good," he whispered before he turned around and screamed into the room. "Is there a bomb specialist here? Anywhere near?" but he didn't get an answer. "Remind me to put a bomb specialist on the shopping list" he turned towards you and retook the radio. "Sergeant Barnes. We do not have technical support here. I would recommend running as fast as you guys can and looking for a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow," and he waited for an answer. "But Sir, we could try to defuse the bomb" "Negative! We do not have a specialist here, and you guys do not know it either" "But the explosion could kill many innocent soldiers, which are captivated here as experiments!" your uncle pinched his eyes together and shook his head. This was a sorrowful and bitter moment because there was no help for these soldiers. He needed to make sure his own people get out there safely. "I repeat! Get your asses out there!" "But Colonel-"this was when you had enough and grabbed the radio yourself. "James Buchanan Barnes! Do what you were told and get yourself and your teammates a safe spot to survive the explosion somehow!" then it was silent for just a few moments, but it felt like hours. "I am sorry. I will try to defuse the bomb!" "Bucky no-" and then the signal got lost, and the Walkie-Talkie went down. "Bucky?" you pressed the button to reconnect your radio with his, but no chance there was a connection build. "James?" you tried again, but there was just a monotony rush instead of his voice. "Sergeant Barnes! James! Bucky!" but there was no connection build. "Someone else?!" your uncle called into the room, but all the others shook their head. Even Peggy had lost her connection to Steve. "all Radios are down, Sir!" "Great. Really great! Get me a technical link to our Team somehow! Wha-What about Stark? He is waiting for our Team to bring them home with a plane! Can we get him on the Phone somehow?" "We are trying!" someone in the base was running around to try out different telephone links and radio frequencies. Then you felt a hand on your shoulder, and when you looked up, it was your uncle. He didn't say anything; he just looked in your eyes, as he wanted to say, that there are not dead and you would have enough time to shoot Bucky your own. Then he went off to try to find a connection to Stark.

It took about 10 minutes to reach out to Stark, who told them that they are safe on board his plane. All of them, the Howling commando and the saved soldiers. Apparently, Bucky just ripped out every cable possible at once, and that somehow worked. Well, seemed to be his Lucky day, at least for now. You had slightly different planes with the hero of the day. And congratulating him wasn't part of that.

You went outside as soon as you heard how a plane was landing. When you stepped outside, you already saw the group of man, walking away from the aircraft towards you and the base behind you. In the middle were Steve and Bucky, while Steve tapped Buck's shoulder as a sign of congratulation. He smiled and laughed, looked around, and everybody was more than happy to be home safely instead of you. You were standing there, in the middle of the base entrance with crossed arms and starring the guys down, which they didn't notice yet. So you started walking towards them until they see your presence. Bucky was the first one, smiled brightly over his whole face, and raised a hand for a welcoming wave towards you. You didn't reply to that and just walked up to him. "Hey Claw!" when he was nearer, he ran the last few meters and stopped in front of you. "I-I am sorry, the radio just went down, and we couldn't keep contact anymore" as proof, he holds up the wholly destroyed Walkie-Talkie. "Mhm," you nodded slightly and didn't even look at the Walkie-Talkie; instead, you gave him a death stare, which kind of scared him. And before he could react, you already gave him a horizontal elbow strike on his cheekbone, making him stagger a few steps back. He releases a painful groan and holds his cheekbone.

Immediately a severe headache started to grow, but you didn't care much. "Sergeant Barnes," you growled, smoothed your clothing, turned around, and walked away. This time, he deserved it! He put himself in a dangerous situation, made it look like his chaotic ass got blown up in the air, and now he pretended to like, nothing happened? Praise the Lord, she was angry. Not just angry, she was about to raise the hell and let it collapse above his head. He was done with living; he just didn't know it by now. Maybe he should ask Cap for his bulletproof shield because he will need it next time he meets her.

Of course, your uncle got the news of what happened and had to disciplinary you. He had a 'no fighting in the team' police, and he was strict. You hit Bucky in front of everybody in the Unit. In consideration of his higher military rank, it was a violation of his authority. Which couldn't be tolerated within the military and especially not in the Unit of your uncle. Since he understands that Sergeant Barnes somehow deserved it, you just had to protocol the incident in your own file by yourself. Writing down things like this was horrible. You had to be honest; it needed to be factual and detailed. That forced you to rethink your actions and made sure that it would never happen again. Under different circumstances, you would get a disciplinary procedure and get kicked out of the military; dishonorable discharge would be called. Your uncle sends you to the secretary's rooms, to get your report done and he wanted it in the evening. So you sat there, with a pen in your hand and paper in front of you on the desk and just starred it down. You know it was stupid what you did, but he deserved it so much! This idiot! This stupid, stupid idiot! A knocking on the door ripped you out of your thoughts. You looked up and saw Bucky standing there. His cheek was swollen and already turned a little bit blue. He looked like a lost puppy or even better – he looked like a puppy who knows he did Something wrong and tried to apologize with big eyes and a cute face. "Claw…?" his voice was flat, and he had that questioning tone in it. "May I-" he couldn't even finish the sentence, as fast as you grabbed the stapler and throw it at him. At least he was fast enough to dodge, but the stapler crashed into the hallway wall and broke into pieces. He looked at the shattered thing and turned his head just in time to see that you already throw the hole puncher at him. "You Idiot!" you shouted at him, stood up from your seat, and grabbed all possible things to throw after him. He managed to dodge every time and didn't get hit. "You are an incompetent and complete idiot! I hate you – God knows I HATE you!" you grabbed a cup standing on the desk and tried to go for the head, but you missed somehow. "I wish you would have blown up!" next thing was a notebook, and you were incredible unerring when it came down to hit him. Lucky him, he was fast. "I really was thinking about letting you in my little world, where it is just me and myself, working together but YOU-!" you even got the writing machine to throw at him. "manage to make me angry all the time! Every time I thought, you changed for the better, you came around the corner with the next stupid action, and it's done!" now you went for the desk lamp. "And then you are coming up to me, with that puppy eyes, and think everything is good again? Nooooo NOT this time!" you throw the lamp at him. After that, have you run out of items. You breathed heavily, and the anger was written all over your face. Bucky somehow covered his head with his arms and looked down at all the broken things to his feet. This was a whole new stage of angry for you. "I am honestly this short away from shooting you right here right now! How does it even crossed your mind that you could defuse a bomb build by Hydra with technology we do not fully understand?! HOW? Tell me how?! You could have died, Bucky!" "St-Steve was there too. Why do you not try to murder him?" "Because he is super-soldier, but you are not! You are as normal as I am, and our life is faster over than his!" you needed to take a few deep breaths when you saw the gears turning in his mind. And then, a bright and warm smile came on across his face. "You---- want me? Seriously? For real?" "Wanting you? I want that you start to delate those stupid ideas in your mind!" "But you want me? Want me as yours?" "What are you? A cup you can borrow?" "Claw!" he rushed over to you and smiled at you like a little schoolboy. Even when you tried to kill him in the past minutes, he is still all yours - like a puppy. He looped his arms around your waist and presses his forehead against your temple. You were still a little grumpy and didn't want to look in his face, so you turned your head slightly away from his, towards the door of the room. All these broken things, when your uncle sees that, he would be as angry as you were when you did that. "But please try to kill me not as often, yes?" "You don't decide that!" you growled. Then you heard immediate steps in the hallway, and shortly after, you saw Steve with his shield standing there and looking down at the stuff on the ground. "What the hell-"you fast grabbed Bucky's short handgun and shoot a few times at Steve. Of course, he raised his shield as protection, so he didn't get hurt. Peggy told you she did this one time with him, so you were sure he managed to shield himself from the bullets. Bucky had let go of you and retracted his head when you gave him back his gun. "You are an idiot too!" you growled at Steve when you decided to leave the room and the two boys behind. Boys will be boys and will do stupid things all the time.

"You are so bad at this-" she laughed because he tickled her while she wanted to move one of her chess figures. "Checkmate, my friend" "Mhm," he just murmur a little bit and continued the work he was doing. It was a nice and quiet morning after another mission. When he arrived after two whole days back at the base, the first thing he did was hijacking you and detaining you in his room. Since he was a Sergeant, he had his own four-wall, which came in handy right now. So after 2 days and a tough mission, he wanted to relax with you and maybe do Something more fun, and you had no complaints about it. The result was, you two sleep way too long in the morning, but obviously, nobody seemed to care. Looked like nobody needed one of you at the moment. And instead of just lying lazily in the bed, you suggest playing a round of chess. Bucky had a total lack of talent; besides, he was busy caress your back a little bit. So he wasn't able to fully concentrate on the game, and he didn't even try. He wanted the game to be over, so your full concentration would be on him again. "You smell different when you are awake, you know that?" "What?" you knitted your eyebrows and rolled over on your back to look in his face. He was still a little bit drowsy with wild and fuzzy hair but with that satisfied glow all over his face. "I had no idea; you were into that," he smirked blissfully. "I would love to do that again," and a little mica of hope came up in his eyes. "James!" "Well… maybe not you are right. My back and neck are full of scratches. It would be hard to explain that" he smirked and layer his head next to yours, and but his body over yours. He was tired, and it was no surprise. He came back from a hard mission, and then you kept him awake all night. You felt how his body got heavier and heavier; he was again about to fall asleep. "Bucky, "you put your hand on the backside of his head and started to caress his hair and head, and immediately, you heard a pleasing little purr from him. "Yesterday, Stark finished your new uniform. Remember that? You should go and try it on to see if it fits," but he didn't give you a reaction. He probably just played dead. "Don't pretend like you're asleep. Should I find a way to wake you up- " "No!" promptly, he raised his head and body from yours and sit up. He pinched his eyes for a second and rub over his face a few times before he crawled towards the end of the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and let his head hanging. "Please don't get me wrong. I would love to have another round with you, honestly. But-" he looked over his shoulder and saw you laying in the white sheets on the bed. You rolled over to lie on your side. Your body well-formed, elegant with nice curves, smooth and soft skin, your head propped on your hand, and your hair falling down in great curls, which had a little shine from the morning sun. You grabbed a little piece of fabric to cover your au naturel body a little bit. Enough to make him resist his inner drives but not enough to stop tempting him. He got a little taste last night. How it was to be desired by you and how sensuous you are. It was incredible and stand in such a contrast to how you behave during the day. Honestly, he didn't think you could be that passionate and how you cloud his senses. And then you smile, that delicate but devilish little smile, almost cocky as you would know you could get him back in bed anytime. You just needed to slip the sheet from your body. "Stop that, please. I beg you" he shook his head and looked away. He never expected to be on this side of the story, being the one who got captured and turned into jelly when the significant other had that specific look on their face. Normally it was always him to seduce the woman, but this time around, he got seduced. "But Sergeant…" this tone in your voice gave him chills and prickles in the stomach. He heard how you moved on the bed, and a second later, you entangle your arms around his neck and shoulders, your bare upper body pressed against his naked back. "But it's not appropriate for a Sergeant to beg," you whispered into his ear, with your lips slightly graze his ears and your hot breath hunting down his neck and jawline, so he got goosebumps. Oh, sweet, sweet temptation. "Maybe I can offer myself to you in the evening?" "You are not a barter object" you gave him a little kiss on the cheek and let him go. "Do not forget to visit Stark!" you let yourself fall – back first – down in the bed again. Because of that, the chess game fell down on the floor. Guess you had to clean it up before you leave his room. After finally managed to get up and being dressed properly, you had to go back to work. Since it's the first day after a mission, you had plenty of time to go back to the headquarters office to do the paperwork. Luckily for you, Steve was fast with his mission reports, so you could at least start with Something, but the other Soldiers will take their time with writing down everything. Because of that, the training room was free today, so it was your chance to get a little exercise without the guys and maybe a meeting with Peggy and your uncle to analyze the newest target facility for the next mission. But actually, she just wanted to stay in bed for the whole day. She felt relaxed and light as it has not been for a long time. Was a great – wonderful – feeling, but after all, there is a war going on, and there is no time for relaxing. "What's your plan for the day?" you looked over to Bucky, who was already half-dressed and just needed to put on a shirt. "Work" the daylight was falling through the window directly on his body. Looked like liquid silk because his skin color was very light and unscathed. "Work?" "Paperwork" "Should I come and save you from the bad paperwork?" "I know you would love to, but this paperwork is essential for your next mission" "Claw," he moaned, annoyed. "I am not even 12 hours back, and you are already talking about the next one?" "Destroying the facilities is the top priority! We need to get it done as fast as possible" "I know, but-" "Bucky. As sooner we are done with this, as sooner the war might be over" "Uhm by the way…. Do you have any plans when it's all done? After the War?" "No. Not really" you knit your eyebrows. "I guess I will start studying Something? Maybe anything like that. What about you?" he shrugged his shoulders and put on a shirt. "You know, the usual: Job, House, Wife, and children. Nothing spectacular, just Something I can call my own" "That… actually sounds nice" "Oh and a dog" "Hmpf… I would like a cat" "We can have both" he winked at you and left the room before you could think about his words more. "WE?!" but before you could have a real protest, he was already out of the door.

You were already a few months into it, destroying Hydra and the liaison you had with Bucky, and it was perfect. Sadly the Hydra mission proceeded sluggishly since their head scientist, Dr. Armin Zola, was still free. When they destroyed one facility, he was building a new one somewhere else on the planet. So your uncle came up with a new priority: capturing Zola. Easier said as done since the SSR never knew where he actually was. You also lost track of Red Skull, so it was a big mess on that side. But the good thing was that every time you find and shut down a Hydra base, you learned new things about their technology, and Stark went straight to the technology heaven. Every time the Howling Commando brought back new weapons to analyze and create new ones, Stark was heavily busy.

Speaking of the Howling Commando – they went to their next mission in Germany this time. This one was long and took over a week but 'luckily' for you, Bucky did not go with them. The reason for that was, he got hurt, so Steve decided to let him at the base, so he could cure completely. So he was staying at the bottom, much to your delight, and even better was the fact that it was up to you to make sure he cured well. Your uncle gave you that task, not knowing what you two would actually do, since the whole Bucky and Claw thing were still a secret and nobody noticed by now. It is hard to believe, looking at the fact that you two were heavily marked by each other all over your bodies and went missing at the same time. Seemed like that everybody was entirely concentrated on the overall mission, so nobody had attention left to notice what was going on with you two.

"Ouch, Claw!" "You are such a baby, Bucky" you rolled your eyes and let off from his shoulder and massages his lower back, which relaxed him immediately. The wound, because of which he was left here, was a woof through his shoulder. He got it while he had a hand to hand fight with one of the guards on the last mission. Earlier this morning, he complained about back pain and had the idea that you could give him a massage, and of course, he would return the favor, so you agreed. "I need to cure! You should be gentle with me" "Ladies and Gentleman, the Sergeant" "You know, what you are doing, is called: disrespecting a higher-ranked person, right?" "You know what it called, what you are doing is? Taking advantage of a higher position of power," and as an answer, he just growled. "Baby…" you whispered again and stopped the massage. Your hands were tired, and besides the fact, you had an appointment. "What? Why you stopped?" "My deepest apologies, but-"you reached out for his bed desk and grabbed his pocket watch. "I have plans" "Plans? What plans?" "I will meet Stark in his laboratory" "Why?" "Because he has a new weapon for me. My old gun didn't work anymore, and he offered me to build a new one with new technology" "You know he is flirting with you, right? Since Peggy and Steve devouring each other with their eyes, he had caught an eye on you" "I know," you didn't sound concerned or even surprised. More like you didn't care too much. "You know?" "Wasn't hard to recognize. I really have to go-"you stood up from the bad and grabbed your clothing and put your stuff on under the vigilant eyes of Bucky. "I think I can convince you to stay…" "I am sure you can" you smirked and button your blouse. "The fun doesn't have to end, you know. We could stay in bed the whole day if you want to" "Bucky…. There is still much to do. War is not over yet" "God, I wish it would be over soon" "When we capture Zola and Red Skull, it will be over, for sure. Then we can stay in bed all day long" "I hope this day will come soon. You know what I was thinking about?" propped up his upper body and slide to the side of the bed to sit on the edge. He reached out to our hands, grabbed them gently, and pulled you closer to him. "No?" you put your hands down on his should and starts to play with his hair. "After the War is finished, I take you out for dancing. We will have a real date and another and another and another, But – here is the clue – after every date, I take you home" "That's the clue? This is good education, Bucky!" "No, no, you miss the point. I take you home, and I am going home with you. I mean, I am taking you to our home" "Our home?" you knit your eyebrows a little, be skeptical about his idea. "Wouldn't you like that? A small house in the city? O-Or a flat! Maybe a flat would be enough for a start, we still need room to grow. You can have your cat!" "Bucky-" "I know, I know, it's much to think about! I am telling you this is because my sister got her second child and will move out of our parents' flat. She and her husband will move into a house so the flat would be available. It's a big one, with plenty enough space for a second person" you wanted to say Something and opened your mouth, but no word came out. It was safe to say that you were a little overwhelmed with that suggestion. "You do not have to answer now. She will sublet the flat until I come back home. When the times come, you can come with me if you want to" "Bucky--- don't you think this is going way too fast?" "No – well – I mean, it's an option. Just a possibility you can keep in mind if you want to. When my sister and her family are gone, it will be quiet in the flat. I assume you will have the same at your home since your father is gone" "You are right, but-" "Hey," he smiled softly. "You do not have to decide now. Just think about it, okay?" you smiled back and slowly nodded. "Now you should go. Stark is for sure already waiting for you" "Right! See you later" you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and then you left the room.

You went down to Starks laboratory to look for your new weapon. It was a big basement, just for him, since his inventions had the unpleasant habit of exploding from time to time. So your uncle gave him the basement, which was initially build to be an atomic bunker. You opened the big, heavy metal door and wanted to call after Stark when he popped up in front of you out of the blue. "I expected you hours ago!" he raised one eyebrow and looked suspicious at you. "I had…. Something to do" "Something, hun? Guess you didn't get much sleep, based on the circles under your eyes, Darling" "What do you hint at?" "You know what I mean – anyway! Your weapon, this way, my love" he points at a table at the end of the room where you should go over.

"So what can it do?" you saw a little weapon, ideal for having in it with you in a purse or at the belt. The thing was with women and Weapons that they have to be smaller, as usual, to sneak them with you all the time. "Basically working like a normal handgun but with significantly more shots, and I built it lighter than normal. It is basically a normal gun, but I took out the extra weight. Is that what you wanted?" you took the weapon and turned it over and over a few times to see it from all perspectives. Indeed it was incredibly light and handy. "exactly what I wanted" "I am glad I could make you happy. So…. How is Sergeant Barnes?" "Why?" "I don't know-" he shrugged his shoulder and had that all-knowing- look on his face paired with a smirk. "Howard, I have a loaded weapon in my hand. Do you think this is the right moment for unappropriated questions?" you gave him a strong glace with no room for false interpretations. He opened his mouth to say Something, when the light went down and the earsplitting sound of siren halls through the building. "What in God's name-"Stark covered his ears with his hands, but you know the sound of that siren – the signal for everybody in the building that enemies managed to enter the base. "Guess I have to try her out now!" you grabbed the second magazine and put it in your belt. "Hey, Stark! You can use a gun?" "Sure I can!" "Good. Grab one, we have to fight" you unlock your gun and head for the exit of the bunker. A quick look left and right to make sure the enemies are not on the hallway, and then you went straight for the way in the upper floors. Your steps were as quiet as possible, but luckily the heavy sound of the siren was covering most of your own noises you made.

On the other hand, it was also covering possible noises of the others. If this attack was a coincidence, it was a pretty good one for the others. All the Soldiers were out for missions, and the base was just protected by a few ones. Bad for them that you were one of these soldiers. Since you joined the SSR, your uncle and Peggy teach you how to use many handguns and how your combat fight style got better. Long story short: you are as good as any other soldier in this base!

Together with Stark, you reached the elevator and the stairs for the upper floors. Just in time, because the siren shut down and the light went on again. Favorably for you, no attacker was in sight. "Stark," you whispered his name and looked up the stairs. "Yes?" "You take the elevator; I do the stairs. If you see traitors – shoot!" "But-" "Shoot! Go" you shoo him in the direction of the elevator and yourself took the stairs.

Slowly and with the greatest caution you had, you went up the stairs. All your senses tensioned like a bow, ready to shoot. Step by step, you got higher and higher, but you heard nothing; even when the elevator reached the next floor before you, you couldn't hear Stark shooting or saying Something. Maybe the traitors think the basis would be completely empty or Something like that. Stark was already waiting for you when you went on the next floor and looking in the opposite direction. "I can't see anybody!" "Me neither. And I can't hear anything" "Maybe they went for the main office? At least that would be the room I would be looking for if I would break into a military basis. That the place with the most information!" he suggested, and it made absolute sense. "Okay. I am going for the office, and you go and check if anybody is going for your laboratory" "What? We just came from there" "I know, but this would be the second spot I would check out—the Armory. If Hydra is behind that attack, they probably want their technology back" "Well…. Yeah, that makes sense. Be careful!" "Same to you, Stark. See you later" he just nodded his head and took the stairs down again. Since the base was low on Soldiers and battle-tested others, you had to cover the most critical spots. Even when it meant that you have to split up into one-man teams. That was not a good idea at all, because now you didn't have anybody left to cover your back. Anyway – you somehow had a mission to fulfill.

On your way to the main office, you didn't saw any traitors or similar. Slowly you got the feeling that this was just a practice round, and nobody knew about it. The alarm had to be activated manually by one of your colleagues in the monitoring room to warn everybody. Why on earth you had the feeling that your uncle was sitting in front of the camera to see how the base would be protected without the soldiers in it? Like, he wanted to make sure it's safe here when the howling commando wasn't around. It would make sense, in your mind, because that was a pretty strange coincidence that you got attacked while nobody was here. Just people from inside this building knew about the mission and when they got executed. Either way, there was no room for mistakes. You didn't want to look like an idiot in front of your uncle when it was training. And you didn't want to die when it was a real attack.

Soon you reached the main office and went to it, to check if somebody was there. As you went in, you saw that a person – entirely in black – was looking through the papers on the table. The documents laying out there were mission reports about former and future missions you had in mind, and this traitor over there was looking at them. Shit happens; this was a real attack. "Hands up!" you targeted your gun on the person, and it turned around fast, and the face was not covered. It was a younger man, stocky build, with two guns at his belt. He looked a little surprised but didn't seem too worried about you, as soon as he realized that you were just a woman. "Same to you-" behind yourself, you heard another male voice and the clicking sound of a gun, which got unlocked. See, that's the problem when you do stuff like this alone without someone covering your back. "Come 'on, pretty Lady. Drop the gun!" you had no choice but to raise your hands with the gun in your hand. The man in front of you started smiling in a dirty way. "She is indeed pretty" "Shut up," you growled at them. There was no way you could shoot the one without the other shooting at you. You needed a miracle, and you already know how to get one. Bucky was in the building, and he couldn't be that far away, so you needed to gain a little bit of time for him – or anybody else – to get here. "What are you looking for? Need a little help?" "Thanks, but we do not need a secretary" "I am not a secretary, Asshole" you press your jaws onto each other. Maybe you should have deleted that 'asshole,' but he deserved it. "She is a feisty one," the man behind you laughed. "Maybe we can keep her for further things" "She is pretty, but not so pretty. When I am done here, you can shoot her" the man In front of you was going through the papers with the peace in the world. You wanted to say something snappy, as you heard gunshots behind you, and you looked over your shoulder. The man who was pointing the gun at you went down, and Bucky came around the corner. Out of instinct, you targeted your gun at the man in front of you, but it was a little bit too late. The man in front of you pulled out his guns and was shooting at you, and Bucky and you two shoot back. You got him directly, and he got down too, but there was something extraordinary. You had this huge pain in your abdomen, and you felt how it got wetter and wetter around your belly. Unbelievable, that fucking idiot got you. A quick look down and you saw that your originally white blouse was dyed red. "Claw!" somehow, Bucky appeared in front of you. Your awareness was clearly affected. There was just so much pain in your body. It hurt so much like you would burn from the inside, and with every beat of your heart, the pain got worse and worse. It was like, you couldn't even see or hear anymore because your brain was so busy with the pain in your abdomen. You couldn't feel your legs anymore, as they would be numb or something like that, and your eyelids got heavier and heavier. It was so exhausting to stand, be awake or breathe – just ---- so exhausting. You could feel how your body just collapsed and was about to fell down. You could hear someone screaming, calling your name over and over again, but it was like, as he would speak with cotton in his mouth. Or as you hat cotton in your ears. You couldn't understand words anymore, neither did you hear anything. It went slowly down, as your body would just shut down, and you started to freeze. It was so cold around here and so dark and silent, but the good thing was, the pain began to fade away. It got better and better, as more unconscious it got and your heart didn't pump as much anymore. Just a little bit, as it would go on a pilot flame. Funny feeling to feel how the body slowly relaxed and got lighter. A….. really…. Funny….. feeling.

Meanwhile…

The noises in the hospital were torturing his mind like someone would strike him with a baseball bat over and over again. Why was it so loud here? All the people talking, children crying, nurses running, and doctors rattle with medicine bottles. All the movements in the corner of his eyes, making him aggressive and nervous. Every time a door was opened, he looked up, just to see it wasn't a nurse or doctor with an operation smock. Besides all the noises, he still could hear the gunshots in his head, as they would remind him that he failed this time. No, no, it wasn't too late for her! He brought her here, carrying her all the way down the street in this hospital. He put pressure on the wound all the time and making a tourniquet, and she was still breathing when she got here. The doctors immediately took care of her and brought her into the surgery room. He did everything right, everything he learned to do if someone got shot in a sensitive area and she was strong! So strong! She would fight for her life, right? She would. He gave her plenty of reasons to fight, so she will get better. She will! She had to! His legs seesaw up and down nervously, he tugged his hair, was rubbing his face, looking around all the time, breathing heavily, and looked like a mess. The sweat ran down his face and back; he must have looked like a homeless from the street. His shirt all dirty and covered with blood, as so his hands, and there was a little bit on his neck too. Carrying her to the hospital wasn't the best idea for his wounded shoulder, so he had great pain in that, but he was ignoring it. He told Stark to inform the Colonel and Peggy that he would be here at the hospital. So he waited. Waited, waited, and waited for hours. The next time when he heard a door and raised his head, he saw the Colonel, Peggy, and Steve (?) coming through the door. As soon as the little group spotted him, she stood up and salute, like the soldier he was, because of the Colonel. "Sir" "You look horrible; what happened, Sergeant?" "T-traitors entered the building and tried to steal important information. There was an exchange of fire and Claw – I mean Agent ---- she got to shoot" "Great, and why didn't you cover her? Hm?" "Colonel!" Peggy intervened before he could go after Bucky, who just stood still and listened to his harsh tone. "Oh, to hell with you! Where do I find someone you can give me information's about my niece!" he was rushing by Bucky and towards a little group of nurses. "Bucky" Steve took a step closer and put a hand on his shoulder. "I-I shot one of them and didn't saw the other…." His voice was shaky, and he blinked a few times to keep away the tears. "I-I …. ""Bucky," Steve grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer into a brotherly hug. He knows how he must felt. When he lost his mother – Sarah – he felt devastated and lost. Everything went dark, and his inward was filled with grieve and darkness. It seems like there was no way out and that this kind of suffering would never end. Like an endless horrible nightmare. "I tried to…. I was so fast" "I know. I know" Steve shook his head. "Don't do this to yourself, Buck. She is not dead, not yet, right?" "No" Bucky freed himself from the hug and ran stressed through his hair. "When – When I got her here, she was breathing, and they said she still has a heartbeat. I told them I would wait here, but they didn't come out of the surgery room since then. If she were dead, they would have told me, right? Right?!" "Yes," Peggy nodded her head calmly. She didn't know if that was true, but Bucky was on the edge of a mental breakdown. Steve looked over the shoulder and looked thankful to Peggy. "We will stay here and wait. We wait until we got news about her condition" he padded his shoulder and offered Bucky to sit down again. Peggy and Steve sat next to him, one at each side. He was so nervous and tensed – Steve never saw him like this. "I-I-"Bucky started to say something and shook his head. He needed to talk about something; he couldn't stand the silence with all the noises around him hammer down on his head all the time. So he needed to distract his brain from going crazy. "We had a talk in the morning before she went down to Starks Bunker for her weapon ---- Rebecca will move from our parent's flat, so I ask her if she would like to move in instead. You should have seen her, looked at me shocked like a deer in headlights" he smiled tiredly. "Did I ask too soon?" he turned his head towards Peggy. "Well… depending on how far you are in your accord?" "I-I don't know, actually. I never knew what was going on inside her head. She was always very devious with her thoughts and behaviors. Did you know-" he smiled when he was thinking back. "That when I first kissed her, she slapped me in the face? Two times! And, bruised my nose and rips" "That's sound like Claw" Steve needed to smile too, he could image that lively, how she did that. She was fiery and sultry when she wanted it, even if she tried her best to be cold and distanced. When you knew her better and longer, you could see how her real- self come through. She was like a fire; you could easily get burned if you get her on the wrong foot, but – if you did it right – was full of warmth and beauty. "God, I really felt for her. Even when he tried to kill me multiple times" "Did she?" Peggy asked, and both guys needed to laugh a little bit. "She did. She throws every possible office equipment after me – hehe – she is really something special. Very special… rare! I got a rare gem," and fast, his glance went from happily reminiscing to an unfortunate reality. "No – don't even think about it," Steve could see, which ugly thought came across his mind and wanted to hinder him from overthinking about it. Bucky wanted to say something when the Colonel came back and stood in front of the tree. Altogether, they stood up and looked, waiting for news. He took a deep breath and started explaining. "She will get better soon. Nothing permanent or serious, just an enormous loss of blood, which will be recovered in a few days. She was Lucky" he took another deep breath and looked straight at Bucky and wanted to say something, but closed his mouth and thought about it again. "All tree if you look horrible, especially you, Barnes! Nevertheless, someone needs to stay here overnight if the intruders' allies will come back to finish it. I will go back to the base and check what they were trying to steal, and the Sergeant will stay here with my niece" then he just turned around and was about to leave the hospital and leave behind surprised people. "Well…" after a few moments, Peggy broke the silence and turned towards Bucky. "You should go then, and we both will see if we can help the Colonel. Steve? Let's got" "Alright," he nodded and looked smiling at Bucky. "See, everything turned out fine. She will be okay soon, so go to see her," and then, Steve and Peggy left the hospital too.

When you awoke, you were in the hospital. You could quickly tell, by the scent of antiseptics, the sad white and sterile walls, and not least of the noises the room makes. The monotonic beep of the mechanicals next to her and the Nurses calling for doctors and medicaments on the floor. You could not remember much, your memories were pretty blurry, but you knew that someone shoots at you and got you. You needed to blink a few times because the room was pretty light. You felt pressure and soft stroking movements at your hand and underarm, so you tried to move your head a little bit to see who it was. As soon as you saw the short brown hair, you knew it was Bucky.

"Hey," your voice was thin, flat, and scratchy, and as soon as Bucky heard it, he raised his head. Man – this guy looks tired and pale like a poltergeist. "I don't have a mirror ---- but ---- I think I look better than you" "Well-" he smiled exhausted, "I aged 10 years since I am in this hospital" "You did?" you tried to smile too, but you were tired yourself. "I am a shadow of myself – the doc's said that you will be good in a few days. You just lost a lot of blood, but no organ was badly harmed" "Blessing in disguise, I guess?" "Yes, something like that" Bucky took a deep, deep breath, and it looked as if the weight of the world would fall off his shoulders. Then – slowly – their last conversation came across her mind. Nearly dying made a lot of things easier and faster to decide. "Hey Buck," you squeezed his hand back. "Hm?" "After the War… help me to sell the house of my father, I guess I will not need it anymore" he knit his eyebrows and needed a few moments, until he realized what she was saying, a big bright smile on his lips. "I will," he needed. He would clasp her under different circumstances, but maybe this is not the right moment for doing so.

Your wound healed perfectly, and you were soon able to work a little bit out. Certainly, Bucky begs you not to overdo it, but you know where your limits were. You could do the paperwork and file on the capturing Plan for Zola. You got new information's regarding him and his whereabouts. Still, it was Tricky to get him there because he would be in the Austrian Alps. As far as you know, there was just one transportation device, which would pass through the alps and that was a train. If you don't know, jumping on a train at full speed was indeed a tricky thing but the best way you could do it. The time slot was tiny, so just a few people could do that and were actually able to do that. Sadly, Bucky and Steve were pretty at the top of this list because they have both extraordinary physical skills. To be honest? You didn't want Bucky to go there, you had a bad feeling about it, and you could always trust your feeling.

This mission was different because it was more dangerous than usual. You had a long and detailed meeting with the guys about it and how they should do it. It was really a matter of small details because if they miss just one thing, that could mean they will die. And after the meeting, nobody was in a good mood. Everybody was somehow severe and lost in their thoughts. The fact that nobody felt right about this one was a massive elephant in the room. Seriously, everybody thought it was a stupid idea. Even your uncle asked the guys if they want to let that opportunity pass. It was a mission, but no mission was it worth do die – at least when it comes down to your opinion. There would be another chance to capture Zola, so it was legitimate to let this one pass. But you know what? This Unit was filled with stupid apes! Of course, they wanted to do it. Just this one time – this ONE TIME – you wished Bucky would be less brave and just stay in the base, but of course, he couldn't let Steve go alone. Well, you wanted Steve to stay too! These were your Boys, your little family; you couldn't lose them! Accordingly to that, you and Bucky were pretty speechless during the night. You wanted to say something like you always do. Poke him, annoy him, tease him, or something else, but you didn't feel in the mood for it. Same for him. Usually, he would say something funny to raise your spirits, but even now, he couldn't say something, so you two just laid there in silence and stared into the darkroom.

It must have been a couple hours, but you finally find your voice, to say at least something. "Don't do anything stupid, okay?" your voice was soft, a little bit shaky, and he could he hear a few cracks in it. "Promised," but you could say that based on his voice, he couldn't. He just said it to calm you, but it didn't work.

"Sergeant Barnes, fall of the train! Bucky is… is gone!"

A few years later…

Over a year later, after the war was won, you found Peggy standing in front of Steve's grave. You didn't saw her for a few years, but you heard she works in a police station – or something like that. You, for yourself, didn't do much. You still worked in the Army with your uncle, but you went here every once in a while. To visit Bucky and Steve and today, Peggy, keep your company.

"Hey" – "H-Hey" Peggy whipped the tears away and shook her head a few times. She was standing in front of the grave of Steve Rogers, alias Captain America. It was a massive light stone with golden letters. Many people left flowers behind, stuffed animals, cards, and different things. They still do this when the anniversary of Steve's death was coming near. They knew the war was won because of what he and the Howling commando did, so they wanted to tribute the fallen Hero. Next to Steve's grave was Bucky's. The stone was a little bit smaller but as beautiful as Steve's was. You and Peggy agreed that these two idiots needed to be buried next to each other, even though you had no corpse to bury. "H-How are you?" she asked you, but you just shook your head. It's been a while since the war, but you still weren't right. "Devastated. Still but I am working on it. You?" "Working on it," she answered and took a deep breath. And then you two were just standing there and staring at these stones in silence. Bucky and Steve shared a special bond, and you can tell it was a strong one. And now? You and Peggy shared a similar bind, created by the pain of the same loss. "I hate my work" Peggy started to say something. "Full of man how didn't take me seriously, and I have to operate in the shadows. I don't mind the shadows, but I don't think I am doing something meaningful! I own Steve to try to protect the world he saved with his life! Or, don't I?" she asked you. Well, you couldn't answer that, not for her or for yourself. But the way she said it sounds like a plan. Like she already had something in mind to do something against that. "What you mean?" "I-I-" she stopped and took another deep breath before she explained her vision to you. She wanted to create an organization to protect the whole world. An institution filled with skilled people from anywhere possible, who come together to save humankind from any kind of danger. She said that Stark liked that idea and was already in, but she needed more people to make it work. Howard would take care of the equipment, but she required Agents and Spy. And she would prefer people she already worked with from war, so she meant you. "and how is that called? This Group? The Fanatic's?" you joked about, but Peggy just shook her head. She didn't have a name either, but it needed to be something catchy. "But would you join and help me?" "Yes," you didn't think long about it. What else should you do? And you liked Peggy and enjoyed working with her. "But we need a good name" "You don't say" she rolled with her eyes and seemed to think about it. "Maybe something like –"Peggy wanted to say something but broke up with her sentence. Apparently, she hadn't a good idea. She wanted something to remember Steve and honor him, but she didn't found a good acronym. You thought about it too, for a while until something catches your eye. Over Steve's name in the gravestone, there was a little symbol. To simplify it, it was his Shield he chooses as his weapon. Funny enough that he wanted to have a tool of protection as his weapon. It was his symbol, his signature to have this Shield with him, and that when it comes to your mind. "S.H.I.E.L.D – Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics" "A long name," she commented. "But it's fitting" "Well…. Yeah. Shield" "With a memorial wall in the main base" "Memorial wall?" "For all the fallen soldiers. To honor them," you said, and Peggy nodded as she looked down on the two Stones next to each other. "Agent Barnes and Agent Rogers will be the first names on it. Because I know they would have joined Shield" "They would," you nodded and smiled, while you softly remember Bucky's and Steve's smile.

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout

In the real world pepper spray wasn’t invented until the 70′s, if anyone wanted to know, so it would be a very strange weapon to the SSR.

-

As it turned out, Thompson did not get the chance to visit Peggy in the hospital.  After washing her face with soap and water over and over again, the doctors declared that while they didn’t know what had been done to her, it appeared unlikely to have any long-term effects, and released her.  By this time the burning had gone down significantly, although her eyes were still swollen and watery and the back of her throat felt as if she’d drunk straight vinegar and immediately vomited it up again.  In addition, she had developed a pounding headache.  It felt as if her skin were too tight for her skull and her eyes too big for their sockets, with everything pulsing in time with her heartbeat.

She took a taxi back to her hotel and found the button for her floor by feel.  Even the dim late-night lighting felt like needles in her eyes.  She had to ask a maid to direct her to her room, and when she got inside she made sure all the lights were off and felt her way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

This was a cause for immediate regret, as everything started burning all over again.

In the end she simply dropped herself into bed, face-up, and hoped to feel better in the morning.

- 

She did not, particularly.

It was nearly noon when Peggy woke, thanks in part to the time difference between the coasts and in part to the very late night before.  Her head still ached, and the sunlight through the crack in the hotel room curtains seemed to slice into her eyes like one of HYDRA’s beam weapons.  It was incredibly tempting to just stay in bed all day, and the next day, and the day after that, and Peggy would have given in were it not for the fact that when she rolled over she realized she needed to use the toilet.  With a theatrical groan, she tossed the covers back, stood up, and staggered into the washroom.

Peggy had not, the previous evening, bothered to take in what she looked like in the aftermath of Miss Lake’s attack.  It was not quite as bad as she’d feared, but still not a pretty picture – her eyes were nearly swollen shut and the skin around them, along with her nose, lips, and cheeks, was ferociously red and puffy.  It looked superficially like a severe sunburn.

She reached to rub one eye, then thought better of it.

Now that she was upright, Peggy no longer felt quite so much like staying in bed the entire day.  She should at least have some breakfast, and then let Daniel know she was all right.  He would most likely have heard about last night and would want to be kept informed.  With that in mind, she called downstairs for room service, combed her hair, and then carefully held the telephone receiver an inch away from her skin as she asked the operator for Los Angeles.

Daniel was relieved to hear from her.  “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said.  “Thompson said you’d been burned by some kind of chemical?”

“I have,” said Peggy, “and there seems to be nothing I can do for it except wait for it to get better.  It’s already improved from last night.”  The headache, at the very least, was no more than a mild annoyance together, rather than an all-consuming agony.

“Let me know if they figure out what it was,” Daniel said.  “Could be useful.”

“Whatever it is, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,” Peggy told him, then re-evaluated this statement.  Who did she consider her worst enemy?  Some of those Nazis who were still being tried for their crimes could do with a dose of that substance.  At her most obnoxious, so could Dottie Underwood.  She would keep that in mind.  “I don’t know how Miss Lake is doing yet,” Peggy went on.  “She was still in the hospital when I was released.”

“Oh, she’s out now,” said Daniel.  “Thompson called me this morning.  They’ve got her in custody at the police station down the street, the same one we kept Dottie at, but she’s not talking.”

Peggy sat up a little straighter.  “Well, at least we know she won’t be able to escape without help,” she quipped.  “Nobody told me.”

“They probably didn’t want to disturb you,” Daniel suggested.  “You’re convalescing, after all.”

Peggy considered how she would have felt if the phone had rung at eight am while she was still trying to sleep off whatever this was, and had to concede the point.  “I suppose I’d better head down there and see what they’re up to.  Thank you for telling me.”

“Don’t work too hard,” said Daniel.

“I’ll try not to, but I can make no promises,” Peggy told him.

After breakfast, she washed her face – carefully, and with almost more soap than water – and brushed her hair, then got dressed.  Makeup seemed like a terrible idea so she wore none, choosing instead a pair of large sunglasses and a hat she could tilt down to make her face harder to see.  She couldn’t see well enough to tell if people were staring at her as she hailed another taxi.  If she’d tried to walk, they probably would have thought she was a blind woman, blundering down the street with only the barest idea where she was going.

“Telephone company headquarters, please,” she told the cab driver.

Fortunately, once she reached the New York office, Peggy really could have found her way around the building with her eyes closed.  She took the elevator up to the SSR, and immediately encountered Thompson.

“Marge?” she heard him ask.  “You look terrible.”

“Your honesty is refreshing, Mr. Thompson,” Peggy replied, and even she didn’t know if she were being sarcastic or not.  “Has anyone figured out what she sprayed me with yet?”

“Actually, Dr. Mroczek was just giving me the results of that now,” said Thompson.

Frank Mroczek was the East Coast SSR’s head of the science department.  Peggy couldn’t see his face well enough to tell what he thought of her appearance, and he tactfully declined to say anything about it.  “Well,” he said, “yes, we analyzed the substance in the perfume jar.  The active ingredient appears to be capsaicin.”

“What is that?” asked Peggy.

“It’s the chemical that makes curries spicy” he explained.  “She seems to have isolated it, put it in an emulsion with what I think is propylene glycol, and used it as a weapon.  It’s not soluble in water, so trying to rinse it away won’t work.”

“I’d noticed,” Peggy sighed.  “Thank you, Dr. Mroczek.”  The idea that it was a substance people ate on purpose was reassuring.  Hopefully it meant that Peggy wouldn’t suffer any lasting damage.  “Have we learned anything else?” she asked Thompson.

“We found your gun in the car,” he said.  “Along with hers.  It’s another Colt thirty-eight, with a home-made suppressor.”

That was why all Peggy had heard was a popping sound.  “How did she break the window glass?”

“She didn’t.  She drilled through it with a hand auger.”  Thompson shook his head.  “She must’ve been at it all night.  No idea how she did it without being seen.”

“All that effort only to shoot the wrong man,” Peggy observed.  “Who did she get?”

“Armin Zola,” said Thompson.

Peggy’s eyes were too swollen to open wide, but she could feel them trying.  “What, really?”  As political prisoners went, Zola was if anything more important than Fenhoff!  He was one of the men the United States Government was pumping for information on the Nazi and HYDRA science projects and methods, though unlike some others he was considered too dangerous to be allowed his freedom.  The CIA was going to be furious.

Just what they needed, she thought.  Another acronym involved in this mess.

“Is he dead?” she asked.

“Very,” Thompson said.  “The bullet entered his left cheek, went straight through his brain, and hit the wall.  Good riddance, if you ask me.”

“I’m inclined to agree but there are people who will not be,” Peggy observed.

Peggy heard the elevator open and turned to see what it was, but from this distance could make out no more than a vague blue man-like shape.  She stood no chance of recognizing the individual until he spoke.

“Chief Thompson?” he asked.  “I’m Ned Russel, from the California FBI.”

“Agent Russel?” Peggy asked.  “What are you doing here?”

“Agent Carter?” Russel was as surprised as she was.  He came closer, and she was able, by squinting, to make out his familiar face and plaid blazer.  “I didn’t recognize you!” he said.  “Bees?”

She blinked.  “Bees?”

“One of the secretaries at the Sacramento office got stung by a bee in her garden last summer,” he said.  “Her hand turned purple and swelled up like it would burst.  Some of the men still call her the Lobster Lady.”

“I’m sure she appreciated their sympathy,” said Peggy.

“I see you two have met,” Thompson observed.

“Briefly,” Peggy agreed.  “Agent Russel, I thought you were being taken off this case?”

“I’m here as a witness.  They need me to identify Miss Lake as the woman who drugged and robbed me.  After that… yes, I’m being reassigned,” he admitted.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said.  “How is your wife?”

Russel sighed.  “She’s gone to stay with her brother in Houston.”

“Well, that I’m afraid serves you right,” Peggy said with a nod.  “No, incidentally, I was not stung by a bee – I was stung by Miss Lake.”

“I see.  Guess I got off easy.”

Thompson escorted his two guests up the street to the station where Miss Lake was being kept.  She was, indeed, not only in the same building but in the same cell as they’d kept Dottie, sitting on the bed with shackles on her wrists and ankles.  Peggy still couldn’t see very well, but she made out that they’d washed the charcoal off Lake’s face and hands and put her in a gray women’s prison uniform, and she’d been allowed to comb her hair.  Her accident had taken the skin off her knees and the back of her right arm, and her right cheek was scraped and bruised, but she still looked considerably better than Peggy did.

The dim illumination in the cell didn’t exactly count as the full light of day, but it was enough to tell that this was definitely the same person who’d come to the Los Angeles office claiming to be Agent Nadine Russel.

The prisoner looked up as they entered, and smiled, wiggling her fingers at them in a parody of a wave.  Her expression was downright smug, Peggy thought.  Miss Lake knew she had secrets the SSR wanted badly, and she also knew that she alone had control over when and whether she would reveal them.

“That’s her,” Russel told Thompson.

“All right.”  He nodded.  “We’ve got one positive ID.  How about you, Carter?  Is that the woman you met?”

“Yes, it is,” said Peggy.  “I would know her anywhere.”

Thompson approached the bars, and Peggy very nearly decided to grab him and pull him back.  She could just imagine Lake darting into action the moment a potential victim came within reach.  Fortunately, Thompson was smart enough to stay about an arm’s length away to speak to her.

“You’re going to jail either way, sweetheart,” he said.  “Assault, robbery, impersonating a federal agent, unauthorized access to classified information, breaking and entering, and now murder.  We know you can talk, so there’s no point in sitting there all stony-faced.  If you give us information, we might go easy on you.”

Lake raised a hand, and pointed at Peggy.  “I want to talk to Agent Carter,” she said.

Thompson’s eyebrows rose.  He looked over his shoulder at Peggy.

“Is that the first time she’s spoken?” she asked.

“First time,” he agreed.  Thompson looked at the prisoner levelly.  “Why do you want to talk to Carter?” he asked.

Lake said nothing.

Peggy tried.  “Why do you want to talk to me?”

“Because I think you want to talk to me,” said Lake.

She was certainly right about that.  Peggy’s purse, with that mysterious letter still in it, suddenly felt very heavy.  Ironic how the thing she most wanted to talk to Lake about was the one she could not bring up in anybody else’s presence.

But she could definitely learn something.  “That I do,” she said.  “If one of you gentlemen could bring me a chair,” she asked Thompson and the police, “I’m sure I could talk to our guest all day.”

[midnightspunisher]

vice president macbeth/kennedy assassination au sneak peak

this has been rotting in my brain for the past year. i’m almost done with it and i wanted to share a few pages of the beginning with tumblr under the cut. anyway thank you in advanced for reading <3 feedback is appreciated!!!

A forest sharpened in front of me, and I could’ve sworn it looked exactly like the one behind my childhood home in the Midwest, but it was not the same. It’s different. Fog hovered all around me, covering the path I needed to follow. The sky darkened, the sun set quickly in the east. Too quick to be real. Suddenly, it was midnight; there were owls hooting, the rustling of leaves. The temperature dropped at least ten degrees, and I was shivering. I hugged myself for warmth, and I felt the cotton of my button up against my fingertips. 

“Macbeth!” someone yelled from my right, and my head whips in the same direction. In the darkness, I could make out Senator Banquo’s shadowy figure. “This way!” 

Intrigued, I walked towards him, distantly wondering why he was here with me. When he saw me catching up to him, he took the lead and walked ahead. Where was he taking us? 

“So foul and fair a day I have not seen,” I shouted to him. 

“How far is it?” he yelled back. My brows furrowed in confusion - was he not the one who was leading me? 

I didn’t even notice when he stopped dead in his tracks. Carelessly, I walked right into Banquo’s back, yet he barely budged. I didn’t phase him. “What is it?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. His eyes were glued ahead, focused on three figures emerging from the opposite end of the clearing we found ourselves in. I stood beside him, squinting, trying to make out who they could be. The fog was overbearing. 

“Who are you?” Mike questioned, loud enough to echo through the woods. 

The figures stayed silent, glaring at us. “Tell us who you are,” I said then, shaky yet firm. 

After a moment, the shadows walked closer to us, revealing themselves. I sucked in a breath and took a step back. Three familiar men illuminated in the middle of the clearing, all looking at me, beaming. I didn’t know why; they were American enemies. Hitler stood in the middle, Stalin on his right, Mussolini on his left. 

They should be dead. 

“Macbeth,” Hitler spoke, his accent thick. Chills ran down my spine at the sound. 

“Senator,” Mussolini said. 

“Vice President,” Stalin said. 

“President,” Hitler said. 

Taken aback, I said, “What?” 

“President Andrew Macbeth,” Hitler mused, smirking. “A king.” 

“That’s not -” 

“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “You’ll wish it was, though.” 

I stared at him blankly, trying to understand. When I went to ask him more though, my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. There wasn’t much to think about, I could always run when Kennedy’s term was over. But could I really be the President? 

After brief silence, Banquo asked, “What about me? What will I be?” 

Hitler cocked his head to the side, his eyes flickering from me to him. “Lesser than Macbeth,” he decided. “And greater.” 

“Not so happy,” Mussolini started. 

“Yet much happier,” Stalin finished. 

“You will not become anything more,” Hitler assured. “But your sons…” 

Banquo looked rather pleased with his future. How could he be so happy with barely anything? Why wouldn’t he want anything more for himself? 

Why wouldn’t I?  

“My sons,” Banquo repeated dreamily. 

“Sons?” I asked sharply. 

Banquo had no children. 

The fog emerged again, and the three dictators started walking back into the shadows. “Wait!” I called after them. “Stay! I don’t understand!” 

Before they completely disappeared, Hitler Nazi saluted at me, and then he was gone. 

Banquo and I stayed firmly planted side by side as the sounds of the forest settled in again. Suddenly, it was as if I was standing in the middle of a fire, and the flames were licking me up, making it hard to breath, scorching heat overcoming me. 

“Do you believe them?” Mike asked. He still looked like he was riding some sort of high. 

“Do you?” I countered. 

How do you believe the leader of the Nazi party when he tells you that you’re going to be President of the United States? 

“President Macbeth sounds like just the man I want running our great nation,” Mike winked. 

“Thank you, Senator,” I muttered. 

Banquo was the first to disappear out of thin air, next was the clearing in front of us. When the trees started fading away, my eyes snapped open, waking me up from the dream. Immediately, I sat up, sucking in sporadic deep breaths. I nervously glanced around the bedroom, letting my sight adjust to the moonlit objects. I made out the fireplace across the room, the loveseat, the dresser, the bureau, the closet door, the light fixture hanging in the middle of the room, and Evelyn, sleeping next to me. Not for long. 

“Ev,” I whispered, gently nudging her. She didn’t move. “Evelyn, wake up,” I said, rougher this time. 

“What?” she mumbled. “I’m sleeping, Andrew.” 

“I had a strange dream,” I pressed. 

“That’s nice, dear,” she sighed. 

“Banquo was in it, and we were in a forest -” 

Evelyn rolled over towards me, looking rather displeased. Even in the darkness, her face was easy to make out: her pointed nose, her thin lips, and her squinted brown eyes, trying to make my shadow out too.  “Can’t this wait until the morning?” she asked. Her long black hair was sprawled all over the pillow.

“No,” I stressed. “Mike and I were in a forest, and we arrived at a clearing; then suddenly, Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini appeared in front of us -” 

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” she said, sitting up finally. She reached over to the night stand and grabbed her cigarette case. 

As she fumbled, I continued, “And they were prophesying about our futures, listing off my past and present titles. And future.” 

The glow of the lighter illuminated the room momentarily. “Future?” she said, the lit cigarette between the lips. 

“Hitler said I was going to be president,” I blurted. Admittedly, it did sound preposterous when I said it aloud. 

Evelyn sat quietly for a minute, emotionless, pondering on what I said. I looked away from her, the details of my dream quickly fading from my memory. It couldn’t have meant anything, it was just a dream. Kennedy was a fine president, and the public loved him. I could never reach those heights. In fact, I pitied the man who would have to in another year. 

She moved the cigarette away from her mouth, breathing out smoke. She waved it in my general direction, and I scooped it from her to take a drag. “Do you want to be president, Andrew? Is this your way of telling me?” 

I shrugged, passing the cigarette back to her. “I’ve never thought about it.” 

“I think I would be a good First Lady,” she said. “And I think you could make a good President, too.” 

In the darkness, I reached out and grabbed her hand. “My dearest partner of greatness,” I chuckled.  Still, I couldn’t picture it well. “The only way I’d ever end up president was if Jack died.”

“You wouldn’t run?” 

“I don’t know,” I paused, thinking about it. President Macbeth. It had a nice ring to it. She raised her eyebrow, but said nothing else. “Should I?” I asked then. 

“What am I supposed to say, Andrew? I can’t drive your whole political career for you,” she scoffed. “I need you to think for yourself sometimes.” 

“I just don’t know.” I ran my free hand through my hair. 

We both sat in silence for a while afterwards, darkness consuming both of us. I tried to rationalize it: Jack wouldn’t have ran with me if he didn’t think I could do his job in a worst case scenario, and the worst case scenario was sudden death. I couldn’t stop imagining it. Eventually, I felt Evelyn squeeze my hand before releasing it, pulling me back down to Earth. “You never know what could happen,” she said then, matter-of-factly, dabbing the cigarette out in the ashtray on the end table. She laid back down, but still was looking up at me. “Go to sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow.” 

Carefully, I laid back down too, staring straight up at the ceiling. Within minutes, Evelyn was sound asleep. However, I feared it would take me a bit longer to fall asleep even if I did at this point. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Hitler’s face flashing before me. It wasn’t comforting in the slightest. 

I couldn’t be the president. I was fine with just being the vice president. I still had power, but it was an easier job, and I didn’t really know if I was up for more responsibility or not. Not only that, but Kennedy was most likely going to run again, and by the end of eight years, I wouldn’t be up for it anymore. Even if I wanted to, Jack wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Someone would have to kill him before that happened.

[walkwithheroes84]

The Boys: Season 2 Thoughts

I had to wait eight weeks (though I’ve been checking out the tags and reposting gif sets), but I was finally able to sit down and binge season two of The Boys. I have to be honest: I’m not sure I loved - or even liked - the directions they went with certain characters/stories. However, it was a solid season and it felt like the closing on an arc in a comic. It felt complete enough that we could end there - at least for a year or so - and still have plenty to come back to in 2022/2023.

Spoilers for Season Two Follow!

The Seven:

-I have to start with Stormfront. I have never read the comics, but I have read the Wikipedia, so I went in knowing that - despite the changes - Stormfront is a Nazi in the comics. And, she was a Nazi in the show. She (smartly) changed with the times - building social media followers, playing on the weakness of others, using an ‘us vs. them’ story for almost everything. She was savvy. I’m 100% sure she was using Homelander and that her plan was to use Ryan and all her lab!Supes to form a new Nazi party. When Maeve (a bi woman), Kimiko (a WOC), and Annie (a woman whose assault she mocked) ganged up to beat the shit out of her? Poetic Justice. Only made better by the fact that it was Ryan, her “White Savior” who basically destroyed her. (I don’t want to say kill, because I think she could be alive.) The only thing that would have made it better is if someone in that group was Jewish. (Side note: The fact that Aya Cash is Jewish, but played such a convincing Nazi - that speaks to her talent.)

-We can’t talk about Stormfront without bringing in Homelander. We know he craves love above all else. He wants to be worshipped. He feels he deserves it. In many ways he is a spoiled child. Stormfront played him like a fiddle, in my opinion. Do I think he cared for Ryan? Uh, only because Ryan is his son and appears to have his powers - Ryan is someone he could have molded to be a Homelander 2.0. But, I don’t think Homelander is capable of real - selfless - love. I just don’t. 

- I can be totally honest. . . as much as I love Antony Starr and Aya Cash - there was just way too much Homelander and Stormfront this season. I understand why their stories took up so much screen time, but I didn’t care for their characters and I actually am starting to find Homelander a little one note. He wants to be loved and will do anything to be loved. He also feels that he can do anything he wants. Again, he’s a child. I feel they will need to do something fresh with him in season three or give him less screen time to keep him from getting stale.  

-Let me briefly touch on  the Church of the Collective. I suppose, in the end, it was a season-long set up to explain how the Boys got the Nazi information on Stormfront. Though, woman is keeping her memorable and photos in her room...so, it didn’t really seem like she was trying super hard to hide her past. I thought they might be being set up to be some kind of major player in season three - they do have dirt on Supes and they work with Vought International  and the government - but,  Alastair Adana is dead and the Deep is there. . .so, unless the plan is for the Deep to take over the church...? 

-Speaking of The Deep, in my overview/review of last season, I mentioned that the show could either try to redeem him or have him go fully dark. And, the show surprised me by having him go in-between. Like, he still knows he’s a screwup and he still wants back in The Seven. He’ll do anything to get back in. However, I don’t seem him redeemed in any major way nor do I think he’s intelligent enough to be considered a dark character. Guy is just a mess. I have to be honest - I do wonder if the writers know what to do with the character. 

-A-Train may have only helped Annie and Hughie for selfish reasons, but he still helped. . . so, okay. I’ll give it a bit of a pass. As he said: Hugh saved him in season 1 and he gave them information in season 2 - they are even and it goes back to square one. They aren’t enemies, but they aren’t friends. I liked A-Train more during this season, but he really wasn’t given too much to do. 

- Maeve got more screen time! Her relationship with Elena was explored! She, as a person, was explored!  I understand that she isn’t going to suddenly become a true hero. She’s become too jaded for that. However, she will still try and do the right thing and I love that about her. 

-I really grew to love Annie this season. That is all. I still am not a huge shipper of Annie/Hugh, but they are very sweet together. 

- Lamplighter should not have been killed off so soon. I would have liked to his his guilt and his character explored more. 

-This truly was the season of The Seven with Homelander, Stormfront, Maeve, and Annie being moved to the front of the storylines. I liked it, but I REALLY missed....

The Boys:

-I’m sorry, but  Marvin T. "Mother's" Milk (MM) is a wonderful human being. He still needs more screen time and a bit more development, but I love that they used him a bit more this season. When he went home to his daughter? Please let him be with his family until the end of 3.01/middle of 3.02. Just let the man watch his shows and make his dollhouses and be happy. 

- Hugh came into his own this season, and that was wonderful. I am interested to see where his working for his working for Victoria Neuman will go. Especially as he is trying to take down Vought in a legal way, but his new boss is secretly exploding heads.

-Kimiko! My heart ached for her so much this season. She found her brother and found that he had become so brainwashed and full of hate and than she lost him. She pushed Frenchie away and became an assassin for the mob. Her truest friend, Frenchie, pulled away from her. But, in the end she helped take down Stormfront and she and Frenchie literally danced off together. Kimiko didn’t get that much screen time after 2.03, but what she did get -  Karen Fukuhara used. 

-Frenchie also got some great development this season. I’m still going to call him Frenchie, even if his name is  Serge. It was great that he realized that a part of the reason he focused in on protecting Kimiko was because he has failed to protect others. When he told her he would leave her alone? Aw, no - just back off a bit. And he did, and she taught him her language! 

-Frenchie x Kimiko are my couple on this show and they need to dive into that “It’s not sexual and it’s not quite romantic, but it’s way more than friendship/family” thing they have going on. 

-Let’s talk Butcher. He’s selfish. He is. He was willing to give up Ryan to get Becca back. But, he’s not heartless. He couldn’t separate his wife from her son. And, while I think he might have killed Ryan if Homelander hadn’t shown up - he gave Ryan to people who will try and keep him safe and shape him into a good person. Do I think he’ll go dark because of Becca’s death? Probably. If they follow the comics (which they aren’t anymore, but they may want to follow overall character stories), he’ll have to go dark.  I’m sad they killed Becca - she could have just gone with Ryan. But, it will be interesting to see if Butcher takes up the offer to work secretly for the government. 

Season Three Predictions/Hopes:

- I think the show will fast forward a bit. We’ll see The Seven as heroes in public, but all facing their own issues in private. We may see other Supe teams. 

- I think The Boys will be separated for a bit: Hughie working for Neuman, MM with his family, Frenchie and Kimiko off on their own, Butcher doing his own thing. And something will happen that will cause them all to come back together.