#attempted mugging

[tildeathiwillwrite]

All-Reliable: Fake Fainting Trick

Whumpril Day 1 (Limp), Day 5 (Reckless)

Now time to finish up Whumpril! :D

Whumpril Prompts List

The Legend of Orian Goldeneye Masterpost

TW: attempted mugging, collapse, head injury

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Killian nervously fiddled with his bag strap as he stole through the darkened streets of Iron Hollow. It was as confusing as Saint’s Shoal, and he couldn’t help but suspect he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere. The streets at night all looked the same. At least he’d gotten all the necessary supplies before getting lost.

He kept his head down as he passed a shadowy alley between two buildings.

“Hey you.”

Killian stiffened but kept walking, thinking of potential excuses for why he was out so late. He wished Jas was there.

“I’m talking to you!” Someone grabbed his shoulder and roughly turned him around.

“Look,” Killian stammered, “I’m not looking for trouble, but my sister’s sick—”

The person who’d grabbed him, a man a little older than Killian, barked a harsh laugh. “A likely story!” Light from the nearby streetlamp glinted off something in his other hand—a sharp, thin knife. “Everything in the bag, or I’ll cut it off your corpse.”

Two others emerged from the alley. Killian’s eyes darted between his three assailants. They all wore dark clothing—stained leather, maybe?—one had an unstrung bow strapped to his back, and all had swords. He recalled Diana saying something about how rare and expensive black leather was on this side of Atai, something about the dye?

“You’re not from around here, are you?” he asked softly, heart hammering in his ears.

The pair behind the man glanced at each other, but the man who’d grabbed Killian shrugged. “So what if we are? Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Killian forced a smirk. “You’re in a dreamshaper-controlled city, gentlemen.” With those hopefully ominous words, his knees buckled, and he went limp, collapsing to the ground. His head slammed into the hard stone, pain shooting through his skull, but he managed to keep himself from crying out.

Above, all three attackers cursed and fled, the sound of their retreat fading into the night. Killian slowly pushed himself to a sitting position and touched his hand to the side of his head. No blood, but a hard lump was already forming. He gritted his teeth, head throbbing with every heartbeat.

He could already hear Diana scolding him for doing something so reckless. But it worked, didn’t it? Jas would argue, it’s what I would do.

Leaning heavily against the nearest wall, Killian forced himself to his feet and began walking again. Hopefully, he wouldn’t encounter any actual dreamshapers before he found his way out of Iron Hollow. The last thing any of them needed was another kidnapping.

@fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @whumpril @pigeonwhumps

[birds-are-really-nice]

Throwback to the time my HASS teacher avoided getting mugged by the Crips in New Orleans by saying “Nah, go away mate” in a thick Aussie accent when they demanded he give them his wallet

[4ce-of-2pades-inkwell]

[akai-anna]

Hello there, dear @itsokaytomakemosstakes!

I was your assigned gift maker for the @dcmk-exchange event!

Ever since you shared your lovely mugs with me, the thought that Ran would get them as a matching kitty set for herself and Conan, wouldn't leave me alone. So I decided to embrace the idea; for both the headcanon and the personal touch.

Originally I planned something more silly, but the soothing vibes of my first sketch were just so lovely, I went with this instead (especially since I thought you might appreciate a bit of peace).

I hope you'll like this, and I really have enjoyed chatting with you, Moss!

[stobinesque]

@steddie-week day 2: fluff | 1.8k words | teen and up

The door to the apartment slammed shut, followed by the jingle-clang of keys landing in the ceramic bowl Robin had made for Steve two years ago.  

"Babe?" Steve looked up from the magazine he'd been flipping through and frowned at the stormy expression on Eddie's face. 

Eddie barely acknowledged him, just swept past with stomping feet, dropping an absentminded kiss to the top of Steve's head as he made his way into the bedroom. A few moments later Steve heard the telltale thunk and flop of Eddie's bag hitting the ground and the man himself hitting their bed.

Ah, so one of those days.

Steve set down his magazine, folded his reading glasses neatly atop it, and pushed himself up from the couch to make for the bathroom.

~*~*~*~

Eddie wanted to die. Nope, no, he wanted to commit a homicide. 

Actually, scratch that, being wanted for murder sucked.

What he wanted was for the world not to be full of a bunch of entitled little shitsacks who had never been taught how to talk to another human being who didn't have a white collar around their neck.

At least his bed was there to support him. The mattress was a little lumpy, sure, but nothing could outmatch the satisfaction of dramatically flinging oneself onto a flat surface after a shity day at work. 

The sound of running bath water filtered into Eddie's awareness. 

Okay, maybe one thing.

Steve usually allowed him a few minutes to sulk and brood when he got home feeling like shit. Sometimes interacting with any human (even someone he would literally—and nearly did—die for) was just too much. 

"Eds?"

"Mmph." Eddie spit some of the hair that had landed in his mouth out, but didn't bother to raise his head more than half an inch off the bed to do so.

Steve chuckled. "Okay, five more minutes—otherwise the water will get too cold. I'm gonna go make us some tea."

Eddie raised an arm and waved vaguely in the direction of Steve's voice in acknowledgement.

He let himself drift for his five minutes to the sound of Steve puttering around the kitchen—grabbing mugs, teabags, the sugar jar—before peeling himself up off the bed when the shrill whistle of the kettle pierced through the relative silence of the apartment. If he wasn't in the bath by the time Steve made it there he'd be in trouble. Which could be fun, but it wasn't what he was in the mood for today. 

Eddie stripped off his—itchy, sweaty, suffocating—uniform as he padded over to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind him as he went.

~*~*~*~

Steve waltzed back into the bathroom with two steaming mugs in his hand to find Eddie already situated in the tub, knees pulled up under his chin, hair piled up in a messy bun, and one hand dragging lazily across the surface of the water. 

Steve set both mugs down on the ground next to the bath. "Hey, baby," he murmured, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple.

"Hi." Eddie's voice was low and subdued.

“Bad day?” Steve asked as he pulled his shirt up and over his head.

Eddie shrugged. “You could say that.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Steve shucked off his jeans.

Eddie shook his head. “Not much to talk about.”

“Okay.” Steve folded his clothes, set them in a neat stack atop the closed toilet lid, and carefully lowered himself into the bath behind Eddie.

The water was just a touch too hot for his own comfort, but Eddie ran cold and preferred his baths on the scalding warmer side. (Shared showers were a trial. Eddie insisted that Steve was trying to murder him with frostbite. Steve maintained that Eddie was trying to boil the both of them alive.)

Some of the tension had already bled out just from being in the bath. Eddie’s shoulders were no longer curled up around his ears—instead, he was slouched forward into the water. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist and pressed a kiss to the patchy birthmark high up on his back, smiling when Eddie responded with a humming little sigh. “Wash my hair?” he asked.

“Sure thing, Eds.”

Steve reached over to grab the shampoo and tiny bucket they left in the shower just for this. “Wanna drink some of your tea before I douse you?”

Eddie didn’t say anything, but reached out blindly to grab one of the steaming mugs next to the tub. Steve didn’t bother holding back a snort that he’d managed to grab the “Don’t Bother Me, I’m Crabby” mug they’d nicked from Wayne. 

Eddie took a slow sip of the tea, and the second he’d set it back down and straightened back up, Steve dumped a bucket of warm water over his head.

Eddie spluttered. “Babe, what the fuck!”

Steve snickered from behind him. “Just wanted to make sure you were here on earth with me, bedhead.”

Eddie shook his head like a rain-soaked dog. “You could have at least taken out the ponytail first!”

“I suppose I could have,” Steve said, lips twitching up into a smile as he reached up to start pulling Eddie’s dark curls from where they’d gotten tangled in the hair tie. “I got you talking again in something other than a monotone, though.”

“Maybe I was enjoying playing the dark, broody hero.”

Steve pinched Eddie’s side, which resulted in a high-pitched squeak, and a wild flail that had water splashing up around them. "Behave," Steve chastised—though the warning was undercut by the laugh of unconcealed delight he barked out as Eddie’s arms swung around him. 

"You're the one assaulting me in my time of suffering!"

"Suck it up, buttercup,” Steve shot back, combing his fingers through wet curls and gently detangling each and every knot he ran into. He couldn't help but rub the silky-soft strands between his fingers as he went. Steve's own day had been slow and uneventful, but a quiet sort of unease had been hovering at the edges for hours. Drawing Eddie a bath and settling in behind him to wash his hair helped settle Steve back into his body just as much as it did for Eddie. 

Steve began working shampoo into Eddie's roots, massaging his fingers into his scalp, and Eddie's head tipped back as he let out a pleased hum that sounded almost like a purr. "Love your fingers in my hair, Stevie," he mumbled, sounding a bit hazy.

"Yeah? Is that the only place you like my fingers?" Steve asked, right into Eddie's ear. 

Eddie scrambled back upright and turned to face Steve with an alarmed expression on his face. "No! Why would you think that? Did I say something to make you think that? Please, I’m so sorry, baby. Please know that I love your fingers anywhere on me. Or in me. What if they went somewhere else right now?" 

Steve laughed, grabbing Eddie's shoulder to turn him back around with one hand, and dipping the bucket back into the water to rinse the suds out of Eddie's hair with the other. When Steve was sure he'd thoroughly rinsed Eddie's hair he leaned past him to grab the conditioner and whisper in his ear, "You can get them somewhere else a little later if you're good for me, baby," before leaning back and clicking the bottle open.

"I'll be so good for you, Stevie. Just tell me what I gotta do."

"Keep still and don't sass me for the next five minutes."

Eddie's mouth opened and then immediately snapped back shut as he clearly decided that whatever his response to that was gonna be probably qualified as "sass."

"Good boy," Steve said simply, dropping another kiss to Eddie's back. 

"I can be good when I wanna be," Eddie grumbled. 

"Careful," Steve shot back, gently chiding. He methodically worked the conditioner through Eddie's hair in sections, tugging gently as he did, just for the soft satisfaction that ran through him every time Eddie let out a soft gasp in response to it. 

"Always careful, Stevie," Eddie mumbled back, eyes fluttering shut. 

Steve reached down to brush one hand over the scars running down Eddie's side. "Not always," he whispered, just a little sadly, as he pressed a firm kiss to the mostly-faded ring of scars at his throat. 

"Mm, don't be sad, baby."

"Not sad. Just glad you're alive."

Eddie was quiet for a stretch, and Steve chuckled. 

"What? What were you gonna say, asshole?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, love," Eddie replied, all faux innocence.

"You were gonna say something sassy just then, that's why you went all quiet. So, out with it, come on. How were you gonna sass me in response to me saying I'm glad you're alive?"

"Promise you won't hold it against me?"

"Yeah, baby." Steve leaned over to press a kiss to Eddie’s nose. "This one's a freebie."

Eddie looked over his shoulder with a wide grin, and a twinkle in his eye. "I was gonna call you a sap."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Oh, well, fuck me for being happy my boyfriend's alive I guess."

"I was actually hoping that you would fuck me," Eddie replied. 

"You're pushing your luck, Eds," Steve warned, yanking lightly at his hair. 

"Sorry, baby."

Steve ran his hands up and down the sides of Eddie's arms. "All forgiven, Eds." 

Steve let his hands drift as he waited for the conditioner to rest—digging his fingers into the dense coils of muscle in Eddie's neck, smoothing his palms down the ridges of Eddie's spine, ghosting his hands up Eddie's sides. When time was up, he grabbed the bucket, turned on the tap to fill it with clean, warm water, and spilled it over Eddie’s head. Steve combed his fingers through the chestnut locks again, making sure he’d thoroughly rinsed them once more. The two of them fell still and silent, like two little stones in the river bed. 

Steve loved this. The quiet trance they fell into, as Eddie relaxed into the water, and Steve pressed kisses into his lover’s skin, and they both forgot the mugs of tea that Steve made. 

Steve separated Eddie’s hair into even sections, savoring the feeling of freshly cleaned locks passing through his fingers as he wove the strands together—over-under, over-under, over-under—and plaited Eddie’s hair down the length of his back. When he was done, he flipped the end of the braid back over Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie leaned further into him, pressing the length of his back against Steve’s chest.

Steve let his hands start wandering, and Eddie let out a soft gasp of surprise when the pads of Steve's thumbs brushed over both nipples. "Steve."

"Shh, I got you baby," Steve murmured, and let one hand drop down to where Eddie was stiffening up beneath the water.

"I know you do, Stevie," Eddie whispered back on a sigh and a gasp. "I know you do."

[rayactive-factory]

[hyydraworks]

Basically Gameboy mugs are like a top tier goal of mine, the grey is so streaky, but I still love it.

[brainworms-all-night-long]

Look at my self indulgent dishelved sewer rat-looking fursona for Jinx boy (they look better on most days but y'know)

Cutting this off now cuz I'm fairly sure I'll be adding more to this in a reblog later

They/them for this creation of mine for epik and deep lore purposes that I will not write out rn because if I commit to the bit it would end up being 4am with me having to go to school by 6

All the context you get for now is that since the reference image is from the last episode, my guy(gn) here is after one severe beating from Knux(Ekko)(<-reason why the tails look so beaten and you can't see it but one is missing, see; angst reasons) an arm length explosion from their own bomb(realized way too late that the bomb actually blew up on Jinx's right hand side, way too late as in, half of coloring finished already. well in my AU it happened on Nine's left hand side!!!) and a bunch of Dark Gaia juices(Shimmer)(<-will think about the technicalities of thisnkater) injected into them as an effort to keep them from dying

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

currently baking a slab of muffin batter on a aluminum-foil-lined pan in a convection oven. will let you all know how it goes

[coffeebanana]

[witchofthesouls]

How tiny would the second set of sparklings be after Overlord?

Very tiny and delicate as they're really premature. Their saving grace was that their forms were nearly settled and had begun the bulking phase.

Nickel was able to drop them inside an incubator, so their bodies could stabilize more and hopefully get more weight on them. And had a screaming match with some 'con medical personnel. She stole joints and sliced cabling since she's at the perfect height for knees and ankles before kicking people out.

It's unfortunate that the Decepticons don't have a blacksmith that's experienced with neonatal care, but there's a Prion medic and Camien nurse from Order the Luminara that made some plans.

Because the three are itsy-bitsy, they wear onsies for better thermoregulation. They're either sleeping or eating as they have severely limited reserves.

Tarn has upgraded to perch since all three can curl into the nook between his neck and collarfare, which is far easy to keep track of them since all three can fit in his palm and still have room to squirm around. The split-sparks are grumpy because that was their favorite spot, and they got kicked out to his chassis.

Nurse is grumpy because of the healing process, and the lack of biolights on their armature means Tarn's cozier to all the sparklings' senses.

[clunkerbunker]

i think my favourite episode of pj masks was when romeo dressed up in drag and fucked shit up™

[kays-sunflowers]

Like Real People Do // Hozier

here he is! my main boy! 🌻

[deadwooddross]

gonna go ahead and crack pandora’s wasp nest open here—how could naruto have been good/how would u have written it

*begins chewing at my restraints and rips the iron door of my containment unit off its hinges* okay so the SHORT version is that naruto should have ENDED ssssomewhere around the Pain arc, maybe throw in one more, could probably keep..tobi...if you just make it WAY less convoluted, but. like that's it that's the wrap up on the lesson of NINJAS ARE HUMAN WEAPONS IN THE ARSENAL OF ENDLESS WAR. You can get maybe ONE more amp up, but the actual story did like 40, because it's shonen. Also Naruto could have had at least a LITTLE thought put into how he was like. raised. there is so much retroactive storytelling in this manga but apparently naruto has just been living in an apartment off his government provided milk and ramen since he was an infant. Maybe make me give a shit about Sarutobi by having had him go and bottle feed the demon baby or SOMETHING. Is Jiraiya the deadbeat sending child support checks or something? It's extremely hard to have Naruto exist at all as he is the second you put any thought into his childhood- which is why GAARA EXISTS. THAT'S NARUTO WITH 6 SECONDS OF THOUGHT. GIVE THAT BOY A FRIEND TO EXPLAIN HOW HE'S SO PEPPY!! SOME SORT OF GUARDIAN FIGURE BEFORE HE'S 12, Iruka could Almost count if he didn't act like he barely knew the little guy. Teacher Watches Orphan Go To Empty Home While Sad Flute Song Plays and says: Fuck that little kid, cant stand him, oh shit wait the author realized he needs one (1) parental figure in order to not lose his mind okay here i c Anyway, besides all that. Well for one thing Sasuke is RIGHT. Fuck Konoha! And the Government! did you see what they did to his clan!!! That one dude fucking HARVESTED them!! So you have little renegade fuck the system baby, and "If I'm king president I can fix all the problems!" baby. Good end: Naruto goes damn maybe u right and we should make some steps to try and alter the cycle of war and death and genetic eyeball supremacy. Neji voice: yeah i taught you all about weird bloodline family shit, remember that?? Bad end: The Entire Rest Of Naruto and Boruto, And No One Learned Anything. Also, the retroactive addition of GODS and PROPHECY anD REINCARNATION and MORE BLOODLINE SUPER WIZARD POWERS is so. Lame, Boring, Snore. Giving naruto a special baby background DESTROYS the fact he's kind of a nobody! He's just some kid with ONE skill he worked really hard on and he uses it in order to hack his way into doing all the other stuff he wants to do!! His only boon is haaving a LOT of energy to burn and STUBBORNNESS!! Screams in ADHD child Haku, Gaara, the Akatsuki/Orochimaru, and Pain. Are all good. Those are the arcs that stay and every one of them has a PRETTY STRONG POINT point about what happens when you smash children into little nukes. Eats that with a spoon. (PS JIRAIYA WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID YOU LEAVE THOSE INFANTS IN A WAR Z) Oh also there's a lot to be said on how to rewrite uhhh literally Any of the women characters into relevancy because as they are rn they barely even count as such. But if i talk about that I would be here for the entire rest of the y- IMAGINE IF SAKURA'S FUCKING MEDICAL JUTSU MEANT ANYTHING!! WHAT IF SHE COULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL AGAINST KONAN BECAUSE SHE CAN SEE ALL HER NERVES IN HER HORRIFYING PAPER FLESH NO JUTSU, SOMETHING, ANYTHING, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *i am dragged back into my cell*

[corrodedcoughin]

my sillay goofy thought for you is….. picture this; corroded coffin performing their song, stacy’s mom (or sOME STUPID VARIATION OF IT BUT I ALSO BELIEVE THEY HAVE AT LEAST ONE SONG ABOUT HOT MILFS - and maybe the variation is… about having a thing for someone u totallyyyyy shouldn’t have. like who could THAT be?) anyways. is this anything🧍‍♂️

Picking this up and twirling it around like the end of a beautiful romcom AAAAAAHHHH

I ADORE this!! I feel like they’d go in for a 2 for 1 part of their set list. An milf interlude, a milf-terlude if you will…

Scotty doesn’t know and Stacey’s mom played back to back with so much ferocity that at the end there is a shout to the crowd for inhalers and a request for a musical interlude of Jeff giving a quite beautiful guitar solo from the last unicorn soundtrack. They have to calm the masses (6 people in the crowd actively not watching, 4 people that ARE and 5 people at the bar who are not facing them and engaged in their own conversations)

There is no coherence to a corroded coffin set list but you can’t say they don’t create a ✨ musical experience like no other ✨

(Yes Steve is one of the 4 that is watching and promptly unbuttoned his top button of his polo shirt after the milf-terlude that had intense eye contact with a one, Eddie munson)