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liom-archive · 11 months ago

Text

(pasting from under the cut for archival)

RESULTS

Disability in general came out as purplish blue. I kinda expected it to be blue, but guess more people think of it as purple!

Medicine & madness

Only a single flag - the Crohn's disease flag - had anything positive to say about the medical establishment. The Crohn's flag uses white to represent the doctors/nurses/researchers/etc who help Crohn's patients.

Most often if disability pride flags had something to say about the medical establishment, it was negative. There are five entries under underdiagnosis/misdiagnosis (mostly black/grey), and six for undiagnosed (mostly white).

And nine entries that I tagged with "iatrogenesis" which is the term for when medical intervention causes disease/disability.

The most common form of iatrogenesis was psychological trauma caused by the medical establishment. In particular, psychiatry was most often implicated for this, as seen in the psychpunk, systempunk, and traumatic psych experience flags. These were mostly purple, probably because mad pride is pink/purple.

Also related to mad pride was the psychosis+schizo spectrum, also using purple. (See: psychosis+schizospec flag, schizoaffective flag). Plurality also tended towards magenta but had a large range.

On the flip side of mad pride were flags that talked about mental health/illness as a negative thing. These tended to use blue or green. For example, the HS flag uses blue for "the toll that HS takes on mental health". This chronic pain flag uses a bluish green for how chronic pain messes you up emotionally.

Psychological trauma and dissociation was usually dark - often a dark grey. Red, purple, and teal were all used. The median winds up being a dark purple.

Mood disorders wound up with a median being blue but it had a bunch of subthemes. Red was used for anger & manic episodes. Yellow was also used for manic. Green and teal for panic/anxiety. Blue for depressive. Purple and black used for general negativity.

Neurodivergence

Autism was almost equally split between red (#RedInstead started in 2015 by a Canadian ASAN activist) and yellow (#GoingGold started in 2018 by AutisticUK). These are two prominent colours used as alternatives to the blue of Autism Speaks. I went into this personally inclined to the gold because of the Au=Autism pun, but splitting the difference and being orange actually is kinda nice. Feels inclusive.

Being non-verbal was reddish brown. It overlapped a lot with non-verbal autism but wasn't 100% autistic so I kept it a distinct tag.

ADHD had a bunch of variety. Orange was the most popular colour (7 out of 22) but purple (6) also got used a bunch. Some flags made a distinction between inattentive ADHD & hyperactive, usually with violet for inattentive and orange for hyperactive. But both orange and purple were used for all ADHD types.

Dyslexia was navy blue. Dyscalculia was dark green. Less common learning disabilities/differences which only had one pride flag representing them (e.g. dysorthographia) I lumped into "other learning-disabilities". It also came out orange.

Borderline PD had equal amounts of yellow and blue, yielding a median green because green is in between yellow and blue.

General neurodiversity was green. Yellow and blue also got used. I don't think the blues (like in this dyspraxia flag) in my data set are references to Autism Speaks but I personally would avoid using blue for neurodivergence regardless.

Cognitive difficulties was where I lumped together brain fog and memory problems. These were generally coming from chronic illness flags, like the chronic migraines flag. These were generally grey or greyish and a bit purple.

Sensory & communication disabilities

In @capricorn-0mnikorn's original meanings for the disability pride flag, green is used to represent sensory disabilities. I recently proposed some new meanings for the stripes, but I've felt least sure of my suggestion for the green stripe, so I wanted to find out if existing sensory flags really use green.

Blind & low-viz tended to be black/grey, like this one.

Deaf/deaf/HOH was blue, which is popularly used in Deaf culture (including the deaf flag). Stuttering, which isn't a sensory disability but is a communication disability like deafness, was also blue.

Sensory processing issues, such as auditory processing disorder (flag1, flag2), tended towards the cool greens & teals. This is probably in line with how neurodiversity in general was green.

So it's kind of a mixed result. As I already kinda suspected, it doesn't seem like Deaf/blind folks were really using green. But sensory processing like auditory processing disorder does use it. 🤔

Chronic illnesses

The tag for chronic illness in general was a mix of blue, purple, and red. The median winds up being a pinkish purple.

Chronic pain and chronic fatigue both wound up as bluish purple, but with some notable reds. Autoimmune conditions like lupus were also purple, but a pinkish purple. Epilepsy was purple.

Sleep disorders were also bluish purple, like in this narcolepsy flag. This makes sense to me: there's a connecting theme here of sleep and rest, and bluish purple being considered a colour of the night.

Respiratory conditions were sky blue - probably a reference to air and breathing (e.g. the blue in this long covid flag).

Gastrointestinal conditions such as gastroparesis were generally lime green or chartreuse (the colour between yellow and green). This is probably a reference to bile & gastric juices having these colours.

Reproductive disorders were about half yellow (e.g. this endometriosis flag), about one quarter purple, and one quarter red (e.g. this endometriosis flag). The median wound up being red.

Invisible disabilities were usually white, but a bit of teal.

Mobility & physical differences

Low mobility wound up as brown. Red was a common choice, but yellow/brown was more common, such as in this disability flag.

Within the mobility tag, motor coordination/coordination tended to be yellow (e.g. this autism flag), body weakness tended to be green (e.g. this ME/CFS flag).

Physical differences such as deformities also wound up as a warm yellow. There's the red from this congenital amputee flag, and the greenish yellow from this radial dysplasia flag.

Models of disability

I did not include the new proposed meanings for the disability pride flag in this data set. I wanted to see if the proposed meanings are in line with pre-existing flags.

Social model wound up as blue, in line with my proposal. 🩵

Ableism came out as dark grey, with a bit of teal. This includes both fighting ableism and being victims of ableism. If I were to match it to a model of disability, the radical or social models seem most relevant.

Disability visibility & pride came out as yellow. This is in line with yellow being culturally associated with happiness and joy. I consider this to be in line with the affirmation model and my proposal. 💛

Disability caused or amplified by racism/classism came out as dark brown/red, but there also were only four entries (purple/red/brown/black). The black and brown I assume are in reference to the brown skin of POC (e.g. this fibromyalgia flag).

My proposal has red as debility (disability caused by violence). This arguably lines up to the racism/classism, but I think it's kind of weak because of how few disability+racism/etc flags I found. I'm considering this inconclusive.

The economic model showed up as olive (between yellow and green). The economic model was presented as ableist. For example, the bad disabled flag has a green stripe for "being useless/uneconomic" in a context that makes clear that this is a way of "sham[ing], discredit[ing], denigrat[ing] disabled people".

As mentioned at the top, the only pro-medical entry was a single white stripe from the Crohn's flag.

This has me now second guessing the white & green in my original proposal - maybe the medical model should be under the "other models" of the white stripe? 🤔 And change green to something that would more easily include sensory processing disabilities? Like maybe the human rights model? 🤔 IDK, would like feedback! 💚 ***

SIMPLIFIED RESULTS

The feedback I got from @queercripintersex on my analysis of gender/attraction colours is it'd be easier to have results that are clustered around a small set of colours with memorable colour-meaning associations.

So I did another round of clustering to simplify things down. I brought the 41 tags down to a more manageable 18. And I've added how I personally would remember each colour.

White: medical model. White like the lab coats doctors wear.

Off-white: invisible disabilities. Off-white like you're barely visible against a white background.

Grey: confusion (brain fog + un/misdiagnosis). Grey like fog.

Black: blind/low-viz. Black like absence of light.

Dark red: trauma. By this I mean both physical trauma (injury) and psychological trauma. Red like blood.

Dark brown: oppression (ableism/racism/etc). Red like blood plus brown like black/brown skin.

Reddish orange: autism/ADHD spectrum. Orange is opposite of blue on many colour wheels, so is a good option for being the opposite of Autism Speaks. Orange is also used in a lot of safety equipment and the like because of how it catches the eye's attention, and the association with attention -> ADHD.

Orange-ish yellow: reproductive disorders. Gold like the intersex flag.

Yellow-brown: physical disabilities. I don't have a good memory aid here, best I'm coming up is it's like the colour of wood, which is used for making mobility aids like canes but also "wooden" is used to describe some motor coordination impairments. If you have a better way to remember it let me know!

Yellow: positivity (disability pride + mania). Yellow is often associated with happiness.

Yellow-green: gastrointestinal. Like bile and vomit.

Green: neurodiversity. Because these are natural differences and green is associated with nature.

Teal/cyan: negativity (depression/etc, negative aspects of disability). Teal is has the same first three letters as tears, and we say people have the blues.

Blue: communication (Deaf/stuttering/etc). Blue also gets associated with openness and clarity.

Purplish blue: social model. Honestly the way I'll remember this one is that social attraction was a similar colour. Blue is often associated with society, conformity, and tradition.

Bluish purple: disability in general. Indigo is a good colour for not fitting in: we're neither blue nor purple.

Purple: chronic illness (pain/fatigue/etc). Purple is associated with the night and sleep, and chronically ill people need rest.

Pink-purple/magenta: madness. Pink and magenta aren't "real" colours in the sense that there do not exist wavelengths of light that make pink and magenta specifically. Those colours are made by our brains, which seems apt!

(Everything here is Creative Commons Sharealike 4.0, so you're free to reuse and build on my visualizations, tables, etc. Enjoy!)

What Pride Flags Mean Pt 2: Disability

What do colours on pride flags mean when it comes to disability? Here's what I found!

I assembled a data set of 624 queer & disabled pride flags, containing a total of 2060 colour choices. I tagged each colour choice based on its known meaning(s). There are 41 disability-related tags, with 403 colour choices from 134 different pride flags.

On the left are the names of the tags. To the right of each tag is a series of squares, representing all the pride flag colour choices that were given that tag. The more squares there are, the more pride flags I found which had that meaning.

I then calculated a median colour for each tag. Every colour was converted into okLCH colourspace, where colours are represented with three values: lightness, chroma, and hue. I took the median lightness, median chroma, and median hue, and used those to create the colours on the left (the backgrounds of the tag names).

Detailed results are under the cut, and at the very bottom is a simplified & condensed colour-meaning association list that should be easier to remember & keep track of.

RESULTS

Disability in general came out as purplish blue. I kinda expected it to be blue, but guess more people think of it as purple!

Medicine & madness

And nine entries that I tagged with "iatrogenesis" which is the term for when medical intervention causes disease/disability.

Also related to mad pride was the psychosis+schizo spectrum, also using purple. (See: psychosis+schizospec flag, schizoaffective flag). Plurality also tended towards magenta but had a large range.

Psychological trauma and dissociation was usually dark - often a dark grey. Red, purple, and teal were all used. The median winds up being a dark purple.

Neurodivergence

Being non-verbal was reddish brown. It overlapped a lot with non-verbal autism but wasn't 100% autistic so I kept it a distinct tag.

Borderline PD had equal amounts of yellow and blue, yielding a median green because green is in between yellow and blue.

Sensory & communication disabilities

Blind & low-viz tended to be black/grey, like this one.

Deaf/deaf/HOH was blue, which is popularly used in Deaf culture (including the deaf flag). Stuttering, which isn't a sensory disability but is a communication disability like deafness, was also blue.

Sensory processing issues, such as auditory processing disorder (flag1, flag2), tended towards the cool greens & teals. This is probably in line with how neurodiversity in general was green.

So it's kind of a mixed result. As I already kinda suspected, it doesn't seem like Deaf/blind folks were really using green. But sensory processing like auditory processing disorder does use it. 🤔

Chronic illnesses

The tag for chronic illness in general was a mix of blue, purple, and red. The median winds up being a pinkish purple.

Chronic pain and chronic fatigue both wound up as bluish purple, but with some notable reds. Autoimmune conditions like lupus were also purple, but a pinkish purple. Epilepsy was purple.

Respiratory conditions were sky blue - probably a reference to air and breathing (e.g. the blue in this long covid flag).

Reproductive disorders were about half yellow (e.g. this endometriosis flag), about one quarter purple, and one quarter red (e.g. this endometriosis flag). The median wound up being red.

Invisible disabilities were usually white, but a bit of teal.

Mobility & physical differences

Low mobility wound up as brown. Red was a common choice, but yellow/brown was more common, such as in this disability flag.

Within the mobility tag, motor coordination/coordination tended to be yellow (e.g. this autism flag), body weakness tended to be green (e.g. this ME/CFS flag).

Physical differences such as deformities also wound up as a warm yellow. There's the red from this congenital amputee flag, and the greenish yellow from this radial dysplasia flag.

Models of disability

I did not include the new proposed meanings for the disability pride flag in this data set. I wanted to see if the proposed meanings are in line with pre-existing flags.

Social model wound up as blue, in line with my proposal. 🩵

As mentioned at the top, the only pro-medical entry was a single white stripe from the Crohn's flag.

SIMPLIFIED RESULTS

So I did another round of clustering to simplify things down. I brought the 41 tags down to a more manageable 18. And I've added how I personally would remember each colour.

White: medical model. White like the lab coats doctors wear.

Off-white: invisible disabilities. Off-white like you're barely visible against a white background.

Grey: confusion (brain fog + un/misdiagnosis). Grey like fog.

Black: blind/low-viz. Black like absence of light.

Dark red: trauma. By this I mean both physical trauma (injury) and psychological trauma. Red like blood.

Dark brown: oppression (ableism/racism/etc). Red like blood plus brown like black/brown skin.

Orange-ish yellow: reproductive disorders. Gold like the intersex flag.

Yellow: positivity (disability pride + mania). Yellow is often associated with happiness.

Yellow-green: gastrointestinal. Like bile and vomit.

Green: neurodiversity. Because these are natural differences and green is associated with nature.

Teal/cyan: negativity (depression/etc, negative aspects of disability). Teal is has the same first three letters as tears, and we say people have the blues.

Blue: communication (Deaf/stuttering/etc). Blue also gets associated with openness and clarity.

Purplish blue: social model. Honestly the way I'll remember this one is that social attraction was a similar colour. Blue is often associated with society, conformity, and tradition.

Bluish purple: disability in general. Indigo is a good colour for not fitting in: we're neither blue nor purple.

Purple: chronic illness (pain/fatigue/etc). Purple is associated with the night and sleep, and chronically ill people need rest.

(Everything here is Creative Commons Sharealike 4.0, so you're free to reuse and build on my visualizations, tables, etc. Enjoy!)

#resources #again. sort of #research #perhaps that's a better tag #disability #disabled #mad pride #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #physical disability #physically disabled #flag resources #coining resources #long post

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fantasy-store · 3 years ago

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Cluster C Disorder flags

Flags for cluster c personality disorders. do not use unless you have these.

transx stay tf away.

cluster a, cluster b

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Dependant Personality Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Cluster C flag

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diivinedemons · 2 years ago

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color edited AVPD flag to make it more easier on the eyes (for me).

original flag.

read my pinned dni before interacting.

#' flag edit #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #avoidant pd #flag edit #flag recolor

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sheetsonfire · 3 years ago

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Best Friends

Fandom: Chicago PD

Characters: Jay Halstead x Platonic!Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff

Warnings: anxiety

Word Count: 1190

Summary: The reader is having an anxious day, and Jay is there to comfort them. | Gender Neutral reader.

You and Jay had been good friends, best friends, since high school. The following years had been a steady ebb and flow of being apart but always coming back together again. Through his military stint to your social care training, to his police academy graduation to your doctorate in social work, you had both seen each other through spectacular highs and lows.

It would be an outright lie to say the both of you hadn’t tried adding romance into the dynamic of your relationship, and though you did love each other very much, romance just never seemed to click into place. However, that was a non-issue these days - having grown closer than ever and finding yourselves on a wavelength, with each other, that surpassed a lot of marriages you knew. You were content to keep it platonic.

So here you were, in Jay’s apartment working on your laptop, waiting for Jay to come home for takeout and hockey.

You had been staying over for the past few days, your apartment building had been flagged as a severe risk for gas leaks and until the appropriate measures were put in place, you were not currently allowed to stay there. Only brief, supervised, visits to collect belongings had been authorised.

The trouble was, in all of your time knowing Jay, you weren’t always as forthright about a particular part of your life. Your mental health. Jay knew that you had been to therapy, he knew that you took medication, and he knew some days were far more difficult than others. It was an ongoing wrestling match with your mind, and though he knew all of those things he often found himself hitting a wall. A wall you had put up in order to avoid being a ‘burden’ or no longer desirable as a friend. Of course, those were 100% your internal fears rather than something Jay had given you to worry about.

Today was a wobbly day, you had woken up with a background noise of general panic and worry, your stomach was in a perpetual state of being knotted and your heart had been skittering faster than usual. It left you typing fervently away at your computer, totally engrossed in your work with an anxious bounce of both of your legs - to the point where they had started to cramp a few times.

It was one of those times where you felt like if you stopped then the worry, the fear, the darkness would only encroach on you further and consume you. So you stayed in your spot, not really moving to eat, drink or stretch. Your eyes burned, and your body was taught with strain and adrenaline that you wished would go away.

The key in the lock makes you jump, glancing at Jay you give a simple “Hey” in a monotone voice, as though you were on autopilot. Jay closes and locks the door, putting his keys on the side as he kicks off his shoes and hangs up his jacket.

“Hey, you good?” He asks, coming to stand by your spot at the dining table.

“Yeah, good. Just working. How was your day?” You swallow, hoping that your voice had carried an air of “I’m busy, but I’m interested in your day” rather than “I’m a mess and I want to ask how you are with as little interaction as possible”.

“My day was fine, just a paperwork day. Are you sure you’re good? Have you even moved since I saw you this morning?” He chuckles, but the lack of an answer and eye contact makes his stomach twist, and the smile on his face falls away. He was only joking, but your reaction instantly let him know that you actually had been there all day.

“Y/N…” There’s no response from you, your heel hits the floor almost painfully as you can’t stop your legs from bouncing. Furiously typing god knows what as you avoid eye contact with Jay.

“Hey…” His voice is soft now, warm tendrils of affection wrap around your mind but the darkness feeding off of you tries to resist it.

He folds his arms, wanting to rest his hands on you in comfort, but cautious of overwhelming you. You feel yourself shaking now, your fingers finally stopping in their keyboard crusade. Your hands curl into fists, fighting the tidal wave of upset that had been looming since you’d woken up.

“Y/N… we talked about this, you know you can talk to me… or at least trust me enough to be honest about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to give me details, but I can’t ignore the fact that you’re obviously not alright.” Jay is careful in his words, he knows from experience it’s not good to push the issue, but it’s important to establish a safety point.

“I-... I’m just not having a good day. Everything feels wrong.” You grind out, head dropping as you look at the desk, exhaling shakily. He moves back to your side, squatting down to try and get a look at your face. You take a breath, jaw tight as you spare a glance at his worried face. Your expression turns into something Jay has somehow identified as a very specific emotion, and he shakes his head.

“Don’t look at me like that, Y/N. You know the lay of this land.” His brows raise in a chastising manner.

“What?” You murmur, confused as to what he was implying.

“You’re giving me that “I don’t deserve your compassion” expression, and it ain’t happening. You are always worthy of my care, of my worry, of my help.”

“Oh.” You worry your lip between your teeth, glancing at Jay again as overwhelmed tears shimmer in your eyes.

Jay’s heart breaks at the sight of you, he hates knowing that he can only really help you wait it out or try and make you feel better. Not being able to take it away from you completely had always upset him, he hated seeing you suffer.

“Would it be alright if I touched you, can I give you a hug?” You smile at that, a sad and appreciative smile, nodding in affirmation. He smiles back, standing back to full height as he pulls you gently out of the chair and into his embrace.

In an instant his warmth, his scent, his strength surrounds you, you wrap your arms around his back, nestling your head on is shoulder. He presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“I got you, Y/N. I’m not gonna let you do this alone. And if it’s just standing here and hugging all night, or getting drunk and eating a stupid amount of pizza, I’m your guy.”

You let the tears fall, droplets soak into Jay’s shirt and you hold him tighter, feeling safer when he holds tightly back. The feeling in your stomach hadn’t fully eased, but your heart had started to slow. Focusing on even breaths as Jay just lets you be.

You quietly praise his tentativeness, voice muffled against his shoulder. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Don’t even mention it, you’re my best friend.”

Fin.

#jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #one chicago #chicago pd

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radiomogai · 2 years ago

Text

pasting what's under the cut for archival purposes

cluster a, b and c personality disorder flags:

[pt: cluster a, b and c personality disorder flags:]

all made by us on @/fantasy-store

cluster a, paranoid pd and schizoid pd in order

image one: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as rusted pink, dusty pink, grey, dusty plum, grey and dark grey. :end id]

image two: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as dusty yellow, light yellow, light orange, dusty orange, dusty red and dark red. :end id]

image three: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as purple, light purple, light plum, plum, dusty red and dark red. :end id]

schizotypal pd flag

image four: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as purple, light purple, light grey, dark purple, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

cluster b, antisocial pd and borderline pd in order

image five: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, grey teal, slate grey, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

image six: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal striped ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light blue, dusty blue, dark muted blue and dark grey. :end id]

image seven: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light purple, purple, dark muted purple and dark grey. :end id]

histrionic pd and narcissistic pd flags

image eight: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, dusty teal, dark teal, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

image nine: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light red, dusty red, muted dark red and dark grey. :end id]

cluster c, avoidant pd and dependant pd in order

image ten: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as warm grey, warm light grey, muted light red, muted red, medium red and dark red. :end id]

image eleven: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as muted periwinkle, periwinkle, grey-green, grey-purple, medium green and dark green. :end id]

image twelve: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as periwinkle, light periwinkle, purple, medium purple, plum and dark plum. :end id]

obsessive compulsive disorder flag

image thirteen: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as dusty pink, light pink, light purple, dusty plum, purple and dark purple. :end id]

empathy flag(s), by us on @/fantasy-store

general empathy haver flag

image fourteen: [id: a flag with 5 horizontal stripes raging from top to bottom as grey, grey-purple, dusty purple, muted purple and medium purple as well as 5 squares going up from the bottom left corner to the top right as pale sand, muted sand, grey-sand, sandy-grey and light grey. :end id]

apathy, low/no empathy and fluctuating empathy in order

image fifteen: [id: a flag with 5 horizontal stripes raging from top to bottom as pale olive, light olive, olive, medium olive and dark olive, as well as 5 squares going up from the bottom left corner to the top right as pale purple, light purple, dusty purple, purple and medium purple. :end id]

image sixteen: [id: a flag with 5 horizontal stripes raging from top to bottom as light muted aqua, muted aqua, medium aqua, dark aqua and darker aqua, as well as 5 squares going up from the bottom left corner to the top right as pale peach, orange-peach, light orange, muted orange and medium orange. :end id]

image seventeen: [id: a flag with 5 horizontal stripes raging from top to bottom as warm tan, light brown, brown, medium brown and dark brown, as well as 5 squares going up from the bottom left corner to the top right as pale pink, light pinky purple, light plum, dusty plum, and muted plum. :end id]

hyperempathy flag

image eighteen: [id: a flag with 5 horizontal stripes raging from top to bottom as light caramel, caramel brown, rich caramel, medium caramel and dark caramel, as well as 5 squares going up from the bottom left corner to the top right as pale blue, ice blue, dusty blue, muted blue and blue-grey. :end id]

image nineteen: [id: a banner with a blue to green gradient and water-filtering-light texture under a faintly transparent blue rectangular box. in the box is light blue text that reads “Blog is about disability, disabled characters and headcanons. may include occasional pd rep but otherwise do not derail. blocking where i see fir for my comfort, please remain respectful.” on the top of the banner outside the blue box is more light blue text that reads “DNI if proship, terf, are a discourse blog and other basic dni stuff” in all caps. under the blue box at the bottom of the banner is more light blue text that reads “cripplepunk is for the physically disabled only” in all caps. on either side of the banner is an image of ryn from the show siren staring off to the side. :end id]

flag list p3

[pt: flag list p3]

personality disorders and empathy levels

flags below cut

cluster a, b and c personality disorder flags:

[pt: cluster a, b and c personality disorder flags:]

all made by us on @/fantasy-store

cluster a, paranoid pd and schizoid pd in order

image one: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as rusted pink, dusty pink, grey, dusty plum, grey and dark grey. :end id]

image two: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as dusty yellow, light yellow, light orange, dusty orange, dusty red and dark red. :end id]

image three: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as purple, light purple, light plum, plum, dusty red and dark red. :end id]

schizotypal pd flag

image four: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as purple, light purple, light grey, dark purple, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

cluster b, antisocial pd and borderline pd in order

image five: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, grey teal, slate grey, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

image six: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal striped ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light blue, dusty blue, dark muted blue and dark grey. :end id]

image seven: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light purple, purple, dark muted purple and dark grey. :end id]

histrionic pd and narcissistic pd flags

image eight: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, dusty teal, dark teal, medium grey and dark grey. :end id]

image nine: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as grey, light grey, light red, dusty red, muted dark red and dark grey. :end id]

cluster c, avoidant pd and dependant pd in order

image ten: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as warm grey, warm light grey, muted light red, muted red, medium red and dark red. :end id]

image eleven: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as muted periwinkle, periwinkle, grey-green, grey-purple, medium green and dark green. :end id]

image twelve: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as periwinkle, light periwinkle, purple, medium purple, plum and dark plum. :end id]

obsessive compulsive disorder flag

image thirteen: [id: a flag with 6 horizontal stripes ranging from top to bottom as dusty pink, light pink, light purple, dusty plum, purple and dark purple. :end id]

empathy flag(s), by us on @/fantasy-store

general empathy haver flag

apathy, low/no empathy and fluctuating empathy in order

hyperempathy flag

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procrastinatorimagines · 5 years ago

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Could Have Been More Part 5 (Final)

Fandom: Chicago PD / One Chicago

Series: Could Have Been More

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 (Final)

Characters: Hank Voight x Reader,

Warning/s: kidnapping/assault

Word Count: 3,298

Summary: So you’ve had your heart broken, accidentally derailed a police investigation, allowed a mass murderer to escape and now? Now you were bound and gagged and tossed in the back of a van, but Voight would get to you in time, right?

This was, without a doubt, the worst place you’d ever woken up, and you’d had a pretty interesting college experience. Your head felt like it was weighed down with cement as you tried to sit up, your wrists and ankles chafing and straining against rope ties. You weren’t tied down to anything specifically, but once your eyes focused more you realised that that wasn’t necessary, the man with the gun sat on a crate in the corner provided plenty of incentive for you not to try anything.

“Nice and slow,” he warned like you could actually do anything but that as you struggled to get into a sitting position, resting your back on the van wall as your head pounded in time to the bumps of the tires below, vibrating the whole van as you drove along.

There was another figure in the van too, you realised, a woman tied up opposite you, masses of red curls and an old punk rock tee... Jenny.

You tried to call out to her, only to find your mouth taped shut, so it came out as a desperate throaty cry, unable to do much else as she lay unmoving. Trying to steady your thundering heart you focused on her chest, letting out a small sigh of relief as you watched it rise and fall, albeit at a much slower rate than it should. They must have done a number on her, you thought, remembering the phone call with a shudder.

But Strauss couldn’t have grabbed you and her at the exact same time... You looked back to the man with the gun, your mind still foggy, but clear enough for you to realise that duh, this van needed a driver too. Strauss wasn’t working alone - did Intelligence know that?

This man was most definitely Strauss, you recognised the salt and pepper beard and bald head from his photo. So who was driving? Not that knowing right now would have done you any good, you kind of had bigger and more immediate things to worry about. You prayed to God or whoever was out there that this van was the vehicle Hank had been on the phone to Trudy about, because if it wasn’t...

“If I take that ducktape off, will you scream?” Strauss asked, making his way over to you slowly as the van drove along, gun still very much pointed at your head. You didn’t reply. “Screaming won’t help you right now, trust me,” the way he said it was very much a threat, so you slowly nodded, terrified. He smiled sinisterly and removed the tape slowly.

You took a deep breath out your mouth but refrained from screaming, instead, you kicked into autopilot, so overwhelmed with fear and not knowing what to do that you focused on what you could. “I’m a paramedic,” you told him straight away, “I won’t try and fight you or anything, but if you could untie my hands I could check my friend, make sure she’s okay,” you told him, your tone less shaky and more professional than you’d anticipated.

Strauss blinked, clearly not expecting that reaction, and glanced back to where Jenny lay, barely stirring by his feet. He gave her a harsh nudge with his foot that had your blood boiling but you held back, you were not good to Jenny dead or incapacitated yourself. Jenny stirred slightly and Strauss shrugged. “Seems fine to me,” he commented coldly.

“Is that your professional medical opinion?” You snapped, regreting it instantly as he regarded you like a predator did its prey.

“Why do you think I care if she makes it out of this alive?” He asked and you swallowed, the images of the his victims flashing through your mind.

“Well you didn’t kill her straight away, or me, seems like you need us alive,” you replied, remembering how quickly he’d apparently dispatched of his other loose ends - why had he spared you both?

Strauss laughed as you turned a corner, leaning his hand on the side for balance as the roads got a bit rougher; you must be off the main road now, you thought - where was he taking you?

“Well aren’t you a clever one?” He smirked, “and you’re right, I do need you alive, but only one of you, and if I’m honest, if I had to choose between the Sergeant’s girl or the nosy waitress...” he gestured with his gun between the two of you and you grimaced, this guy was pure evil.

He let you figure out the rest of that sentence as he moved to sit back on the crate he had been perched previously, the logo of the restaurant clear on the side - this must have been one of their delivery vans, not a particularly smart move if you’re trying to avoid the police.

“What do you want?” You demanded, struggling against the ropes around your wrists as you glared at him. He knew about you and Voight, which was not good, so you’d already figured that you were leverage, but to what end?

The van started to slow before Strauss could reply, a slow smile spreading across his face as the drivers door could be heard opening. You could hear birds and... water maybe just before the door shut again, but when the back opened and another man came in, you were sure you were by the docks.

This man was... younger definitely, but the resemblance to Strauss was uncanny. You’d remembered from Voight’s file that he’d had a son, Dan? Dom? You couldn’t quite remember his name, but he’d previously dated the dead waitress before she’d started dating the first victim.

This wasn’t good.

“Do we call him now?” Asked... Dan, you were sure it was Dan. Dan looked to his father, gun in the waste band of his low jeans clear. You pulled at your ropes again, feeling them loosening a little as you looked on at the two men. Were they talking about Voight? You had a sinking feeling that they were.

“Call him here, yes, but we move on straight away, before they can track our location,” Strauss told his son, who passed his father an old flip phone, a burner.

“Why bother? You could have been out the state by now,” you dared, confused as to why they would dare incur the wrath of Intelligence rather than make a break for it while they still could. You kind of got the previous murders, in the sick sense that they were they only ones who could testify against him, but taking you and Jenny was a big risk.

“Yeah if your boyfriend hadn’t flagged our passports and put our faces out at every border-” Dan complained but his father cut him off quickly, scolding him like a child, you actually winced when Strauss’ hand came into contact with his sons face, silencing him quickly.

“Shut up,” he hissed and Dan cowered back, kid had probably faced that his entire life, you actually felt a little bad for him.

Strauss rubbed his temple before flipping open the phone and dialing a number, your heart quickening when Voight answered.

“Hello Sergeant,” Strauss greeted him way to cheerily as you heard Hank growl on the other end of the line.

“Where is she?” He demanded, word clearly reaching him about you and his officers, you didn’t even know if they were still alive you realised.

“Right here with me,” Strauss replied, kneeling down to head height and grabbing a bunch of your hair in his hand roughly so that you faced him. “Say hi Y/N,”

You met his eyes and kept your lips firmly closed, you could barely even hear Hank breathing on the other end of the line as he waited for you to answer. Strauss got impatient and pulled your hair back violently, letting go so your head smacked against the side of the van, hard. You cried out at the impact and Hank swore over the phone as Strauss stood back up, satisfied as you held back tears.

“See, she’s here, and alive,” he said, “if you want her to stay that way you’ll do exactly as I say.” You swallowed hard as he paused for dramatic effect, God this guy was pure evil.

“What do you want?” Voight demanded, violent anger coating every word. If you were being entirely honest, you okay with how Voight did his job sometimes, but he could do what ever he wanted to this son of a bitch, he deserved it.

“I want a chopper, I have a license so I don’t need a pilot, but I want to get out of the city, and I don’t want to be followed,” he replied and you couldn’t quite believe your ears, he couldn’t be serious could he? That would never work, he must have been desperate.

“Done, should I call this number when I have it?” Hank told him quickly and you bit your tongue, nothing you could say would sway Voight’s decisions, he’d go to the ends of the Earth for people he cared about. Your restraints were getting a little bit looser as he kept talking, but you did your best to school your expression, not wanting to give anything away.

“Excellent, but no, I’m not that stupid, I’ll call you in 20 minutes,” he told Hank, actually believing a chopper could be brought to him in 20 minutes. You heard Hank sigh on the other end, thinking the same as you.

“I’ll do my best but I’ll need more time than that-” Hank tried but Strauss hung up, checking his watch as he did and you realised he’d been timing the call, not wanting to be traced.

“Destroy it and then get going to the next location” Strauss ordered his son, the rope around your wrists slacking enough so that you could slip your hands free. Strauss seemed to arrogant to not have tied them properly, Dan must have done them, you realised.

Dan nodeed as Strauss tossed the phone, barely catching it as he took out the sim and broke it all, opening the back to get back to the drivers side as you saw your window of opportunity.

As soon as the door opened and Strauss turned his back to take his seat again, you lunged for the door, arms out as you threw yourself at Dan. He lost his balance and you toppled sideways, but not out the door, crashing into the cold metal as he frantically pushed you away from him.

Strauss was on you in seconds, dragging you back with force and flipping you onto your stomach, roughly pulling your hands behind your back as you struggled in his grasp. He was able to retie your rope and snapped at Dan to keep going, an order which he shakily obeyed as he jumped out, slamming the door tight.

“You stupid bitch, did you think any of that through?” He snarled as he haulled you up, slamming you back and punching you in the gut before throwing you to the ground where you had previously been sat.

You only glared in reply as he muttered more sexist insults, the van driving off a few seconds later.

Taking a breath you looked to Jenny, watching her chest slowly rising and falling, her face paler than before. Let him think you had been stupid, a last ditch effort to escape, better that than know the truth. You’d never leave Jenny like this, or anyone, and you knew you wouldn’t have got far if you’d have gotten out, but that hadn’t been your plan. Resisting the urge to metaphorically pat yourself on the back you were conscious of the weight that was no longer around your neck.

You’d thrown your necklace outside the van. The necklace that Hank had bought you for your birthday.

They wouldn’t have had a specific location for that call, and you’d seen multiple vans parked outside at this spot of the docks, but they’d definitely be coming to this area, and hopefully your necklace would put them on the right track, at least in terms of checking surveillance.

Or at least, that was your hope, but you didn’t have anything else, Jenny certainly didn’t.

The noises around you changed as you drove, Strauss keeping his gun permanently trained on you now as the bird tweets turned to dog barks and the van took more turns. Based on Strauss’ history, you could probably guess the general area you were heading now, his old neighbourhoods.

You didn’t quite get how a well of white man had ended up running drugs on this side of town, but you figured that that was the point, he’d been able build himself up because no one was looking for him, but everyone was looking now.

He was out of moves, and he was desperate. Hank would never give him a chopper, you knew that, you just hoped he had another play. It was Hank, when did he not, you told yourself as you turned yet again, sharper this time as Strauss rolled his eyes at his son’s driving.

Soon, 20 minutes was up, and you held your breath as the car turned one last time and slowed to a stop. There was a look on Strauss’ face now that scared you more than the others, what was his real plan here?

He pulled out a second burner and called Voight: “Times up Sergeant, for you and your girl if you don’t give me what I want,” he informed Hank as you swallowed.

“I’m not the one whose time’s up,” was Voight’s only reply. Strauss’ face was one of confusion until your heard it, the blessed sound of police sirens, Hank was coming for you.

Strauss dropped the phone in shock as you heard the drivers side door open, and the clear sound of police arresting Dan. Strauss panicked, glancing at you as he pulled out a knife.

Your heart was hammering, thinking he was going to kill you, but instead he cut the ropes around your ankles, throwing his knife away and pulling out his gun, dragging you to your feet as you heard boots surround the van.

“Albert Strauss, we have you surrounded, come out with your hands up and surrender. It’s over,” you heard Hank radio from outside as Strauss put a gun to your head.

“It’s not over yet,” you heard him mutter as he forced you to go forward, Jenny stirring finally at your side as he ignores her. At least she’d make it, you thought as he opened the back doors.

Swat was stood at the ready outside, but Hank made them hold their positions when he saw you.

“Let her go,” he instructed Strauss, not a question or suggest, he was going to let you go. You saw Hank’s gun at his side, finger iching against the trigger as he levelled his gaze at Strauss, his gun firmly planted next to your temple.

You saw the rest of Intelligence too, guns at the ready as Atwater led Dan to a squad car, cuffs on, but Strauss didn’t seem to care.

“Hank-” you tried, voice filled with fear as Hank’s eyes landed on you, face softening and filled with worry.

“Shut up,” Strauss spat, tightening his grip on you before directing his attention to Hank, “I’ll kill her,” he informed him, no hint of remorse in his voice.

In the distance where Atwater was taking Dan, you could see ambo 61 pulling up, Sylvie jumping out before it had even fully stopped as she watched the scene unfold.

“You kill her, you die,” Hank told him plainly, “the only way for you to get out of this is to come quietly, hand her over.” Hank knew it, you knew it, Strauss knew it, there was no way out now, it would all be decided now.

You kept looking at Hank, thinking about eveything you never got to do, the rest of your life that you wanted to lead, you didn’t want it to end here.

Voight’s knuckles were white gripping his gun as Strauss pondered what had been said. “I’ll never see daylight again,” he told Hank, “my life’s already over, you made sure of that, but at least this way I get to ruin yours now too.”

He was going to kill you, you realised quickly as your eyes went wide. Then, the sound of a gun shot.

It all happened so fast you didn’t know what had happened, but you knew enough to know that if you were still thinking right now, you weren’t the one who’d been shot as you fell forward, hands catching you at the last second as you tripped out the back of the van.

Strong arms lowered you to your feet slowly as you shook, the side of your face wet with... blood, but it wasn’t yours, you realised. Someone was holding you, asking you if you were okay you realised through the ringing of your ears. It was Hank. Hank was here, he had you.

Looking back a little you saw Strauss on his back in the van, a bullet from Hank’s gun embedded in his head.

Everyone around you was moving, securing the scene and letting the paramedics through.

“Hank...” you mumbled, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“It’s okay Y/N, you’re okay now,” he whispered, one hand on your shoulder, the other on your cheek, looking you over for signs of damage as you tried to breath.

Sylvie reached you quickly, face full of relief as Ruzek helped her into the van, Jenny was getting the help she needed. Good, you thought, still a little disoriented.

“Y/N,” Hank repeated, bringing you back to reality.

“How did you find me?” You asked him as he reached into his pocket, pulling out your necklace, your plan had worked.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” He smiled with relief.

“I thought-” you choked and he shook his head, pulling you into a hug as tears slipped down your cheeks as you realised just how close you came to dying.

“I know, but you’re alive,” he reassured you as Jenny was brought out on a backboard

“Is she?...” You asked quickly, breaking away from Hank. Sylvie smiled.

“She’ll be okay,” she informed you, squeezing your hand, “I’m just so glad you are too,” she said, her voice cracking.

“What, did you think I was going to leave you with Chout?” You tried to smile, actually laughing when Chout said ‘hey!’ Despite everything, if felt like your chest was cracking to do so. With one last look, Sylvie reluctantly headed back to the ambo, promising to check up with you as soon as she could.

Hank hadn’t left your side yet, and you realised that he was holding your hand, in public. You looked down at your hands and then back at him, so relieved that he’d come for you, not that you’d ever doubted it.

“Hank-” you started, not sure what you were actually going to say, but needing to say something.

And then he kissed you, in full view of everybody. You could tell it got a bit quieter around you as he pulled away, as surprised by what he did as you were. “I nearly lost you today, I don’t ever want to lose you again,” he told you honestly, raw emotion for the first time as he held you in his arms, “I love you.”

You swallowed and took a shaky breath, still processing everything else that had happened today, but one thing was very clear, no matter what came next, you didn’t want to lose him either.

“I love you too,” you said.

#hank voight #chicago pd #one chicago #hank voight x reader #hank voight imagine #chicago pd imagine #hank voight imagines #chicago pd imagines #one chicago imagine #one chicago imagines #could have been more

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the-label-sanctuary · 2 months ago

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・₊✧𝘈 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺｡｡｡ -`♡´-

♡INDULGENT PERSON♡

✧An Indulgent Person (INP) is a Special Person attachment experienced by those with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD). An INP is someone who indulges in the person with AVPD (pwAVPD)’s symptoms/beliefs of being inadequate to their INP to ensure the pwAVPD’s mental health. This may look like the pwAVPD treating someone as a deity and the INP allowing themselves to be put on this pedestal to better help the pwAVPD take care of themselves by playing this role.✧

For a full list of Special Person terms, I made this doc for a comprehensible list. If you'd like to use my PD flags as emojis, I made this discord server with them as heart emojis! (Originally made to react to my SPs messages)

DISCLAIMER: All of these terms already have existed in the community before I posted them. If you have genuine questions or concerns, feel free to reach out and I will try to work with you! These terms are meant to be inclusive of ALL experiences I have heard of or experienced myself, so I have no issue adding things if necessary. These posts are meant to be short and sweet descriptions, not full deep delves on what each means! Feel free to make your own deep dives posts about your own experiences with these and @ me, I’ll definitely repost as long as they’re done in a respectful manner.

#Indulgent Person #INP #AVPD #Avoidant Personality Disorder #Special Person Terms #Persodivergent Terms #PD terms #Persodivergent #Personality Disorder #Sanctuaryterms

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kookieskiwi · 5 years ago

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Hi kookieskiwi Im a fan of your works 💜💜. Is the request open? If it is a yes can I request Idol Au + "Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?". Im sorry this is first time I ask request. If it is not burden you can I ask more request? Sorry for being awkward 😭

(Thank you for being a fan 🥺 and requests are always open with me ❤️ don’t be sorry at all, me myself I’ve never asked for a request bc I’m too nervous so you’re braver than myself 💜 writing what y’all want is never a burden to me, it may take a few days but I will ALWAYS do it, and you aren’t awkward at all. In fact your really cute lol ☺️🌱) (there’s not that much dialogue in here but I think it’s okay)

Song mentioned is Human by Christina Perry

Being an idol wasn’t easy especially for a foreigner like yourself. You had to fight tremendously hard for your place and even then you weren’t widely accepted amongst other idols. When you signed with BigHit 12 years ago you had spent six of those years in training in order to make it in this cruel world of perfection.

The hate started when you had first debuted under the company which was right around when BTS was rising in fame all over the world. Before that you had gotten some media coverage but the only claims were that you were a makeup artist or staff member. But when it was announced that you were among a solo debut as the first female artist under their company things went two ways. There were people who supported you from the beginning and then there were those who absolutely despised you. BTS and a majority of their fans were part of the long list which included other idol groups and their fan bases.

What confused you the most was the fact that you had done absolutely nothing to any of them, you hadn’t even come out to say anything about yourself. You hadn’t given them a reason to hate you but they still found the smallest things to make you break down. The BTS members themselves wouldn’t speak to you but they’d glare at you, leave the room if you entered or refuse to enter if you were there.

It hurt but the hate only became more of a reason for you to push yourself and make them see who you really were. When BTS hit their peak of success their actions towards you has simmered down, they were simply too busy to care anymore. However there were idols and idol groups that absolutely loved you like: TXT, IU, Mamamoo, Eric Nam, Amber Liu, Taemin, Sunmi and KARD.

Not being completely hated and alone gave you a better feeling but the hate still got to you. Over the years you had grown your own fan base and gotten support from many companies that asked you to model for them. You weren’t as famous as BTS and you knew you’d never be but you were inching closer which they ans everyone else saw.

Bang PD was your number one supporter throughout the whole thing although he mentioned nothing to BTS to stop their anger towards you. That was completely fine with you, you were all adults and you could handle things on your own.

You grew your career by being your true self when even when the cameras were pointed at you. At your concerts you always made sure there was indifference between your fans. You’d proudly bring out a pride flag to spend a portion of your concerts thanking all those who were part of the community or being brave. The first time you had done that media outlets raced to ask you why you did, many claimed it to be an act for clout but you set those rumors straight very quickly.

“No, I’m not like other idols who want clout. I’m perfectly fine with losing or gaining fans with my actions no matter what they may be. I brought out the Pride Flag because in the world there is so much debate about love, sexual orientation and gender equality. Love isn’t a political debate it’s a human emotion, a pure one at that which I believe should be expressed however it may be and whoever it may be with. I will never discriminate anyone based on their personal decisions, you do you boo. It’s your body, your life so it must be your choice how you live it.” You answered matter of factly shocking everyone in the room including the interviewer and crew.

Since then you’ve had many more supporters and you’ve even used half of the concert funds to donate to several different charities for minorities of all kinds whether it be race, sexuality or victims of anything. A week ago you had won ‘Best Breakthrough Artist’ ‘Activist of the Year’ and ‘Inspiring Artist Award’ at the MAMA. You had also performed a solo song which you had been saving to slap ever Jeon in the face metaphorically.

Your song ‘Human’ which you preformed hit the top of the charts worldwide. It was about everyone who doubted you, who hated you for no reason, to everyone who was now your fan.

The next day you were back in your studio hard at work ignoring all the news articles, twitter feeds and conspiracy theories about you. Your new album which featured ‘Human’ was set to be released in a month so you were finishing up some last minute vocals and tracks before you headed over to the dance studio to practice your choreography.

Suddenly a knock at your studio door drew you from the depths of your focus. “Come in.” You said in a monotone reverting your focus back to the screen in front of you. You could hear the door open followed by several sets of footsteps before the door clicking closed shortly after.

“Y/n.” The the voice called, at the recognition of who the owner of that deep, sophisticated voice you froze instantly in fear. Slowly you turned to face him only to see all seven of them standing before you in your large studio. They were dressed casually but not slobby in stylish outfits mainly from designer brands so I guess it was the sloppiest you could get with Gucci on.

“What- what are you guys doing here?” You asked cautiously trying to avoid eye contact with all of them but it seemed to be getting harder and harder the longer they stood there. “We were about to get lunch and we were wondering if you wanted to come along?” Hoseok asked stumbling over his words slightly. You tilted your head in utter confusion, was this a joke? You’d never spoke to them much less eaten with them. “Why are you being so nice all of a sudden?” You questioned narrowing your eyes in suspicion at their actions. Why now? Was it because of your song? Did they finally get the massage after all these years?

“We- we wanted to apologize for how we’ve treated you. It was unprofessional and childish to do what we did and we cannot be sorry enough.” Jin explained bowing head in sorrow making the rest follow in suit. They were what now? Apologizing!? Your head spun a million miles an hour trying to come up with a valid response to their sudden apology.

“I have to agree, I gave you and all the other’s no reason to hate me. I never understood why or what I had done and I’m not going to lie, you guys were totally assholes.” You smiled at the end of your statement before continuing, “when your fans saw your dislike for me they too started hating me which took a toll on me. But the past is in the past, I’ll be willing to start over if you explain to them why you did it and that you came to me, not the other way around.”

“Oh my, y/n of course we will. I, we, are so sorry about everything and the truth is, we were terrified that you’d get the fame we had worked for since you signed under this company. It was an irrational fear that we shouldn’t have assumed from you, we are so sorry.” Taehyung said opening his arms hopefully. You smiled arising from your chair to enter his arms, the feeling you had longed for for so long was finally felt. One by one the others joined the hug, Jimin having to pull Yoongi in since he was still standing on the sidelines. It felt so nice to finally have a burden let off your chest, you knew why they did it and you could see why too. You would’ve done it too, maybe not for that long and not to the extreme, but you would’ve done it.

“I forgave you guys the second you entered my studio.”

#bangtan #bts au #bts fluff #bts imagines #bts ot7 fic #bts x reader #anon #thank you anon #lovely anon #anonymous #anon request #anon ask #idol!au #idol!reader

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thatwhumplife · 5 years ago

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It’s All Coming Back

Whumptober 2020 Prompt 26: If you thought the head trauma was bad...

Fandom: Chicago PD/Med

Summary: After-effects of Jay’s military service come back to haunt him. Will gets his eyes opened to some of what Jay has been dealing with.

Words: 2441

Will approached the apartment and knocked enthusiastically. He had been pulling a lot of extra shifts at Med recently and hadn’t had much time to spend with Jay. But finally – finally he had a night off and they had plans for a Hawks game and a couple of beers.

Several seconds passed with no answer.

Will knocked again. “Jay, buddy! Quit puttin’ that makeup on; it’s just a night with your brother!”

Again, he was met with silence. Will hesitated but the worry took over. He grabbed the doorknob and turned it slightly. It was unlocked and gave way immediately. The door swung open revealing a dark apartment.

“Jay?” Will called.

A soft voice cried out in response. “Agh!”

Will rushed forward and flipped the entry light on, flooding the living room with bright light.

“AH! Turn it off!” Jay moaned from the couch.

Startled, Will flipped the light back off and stumbled forward as his eyes readjusted to the darkness. He found his way to the couch and put a hand on Jay’s shoulder.

“Jay? What’s going on?”

“Hurts,” he whispered. “Too loud.”

Will brought his voice down to a whisper. “What hurts? What happened?”

“Head,” he breathed out, heaving as he pushed the palms of his hands against his temples.

“Did you get hurt? Did something happen at work?” Will was growing more concerned by the second. He didn’t see any blood though that was hard to know for sure with the two of them shrouded in darkness.

“Migraine…bad one…” Jay finally said.

Will took a calming breath. A migraine was something he could deal with. “Did you take anything?”

“Imitrex. A while ago. Hasn’t touched it.”

Jay suddenly pitched forward and reached for a bowl on the floor that Will had just barely missed with his foot. He leaned halfway off the couch and began dry heaving.

“How long since the pain started?”

“I don’t know,” he gasped once the gagging subsided. “What time is it?”

“Almost 7:30.”

“Oh god. Right. The game. Aw man, I’m sorry, I should have called you.” Jay rolled back onto the couch and covered his eyes with his arm.

“No, no, no, don’t worry about that. When did the pain start?” he asked again.

“Around 3?”

“Is that when you took the Imitrex?”

Jay nodded silently.

“God, Jay, you should have called me. When did you start throwing up?”

“I don’t know. A while ago.”

Will put his hand under Jay’s shoulder blade and started to help him up. “C’mon. You’re going into Med.”

Jay moaned and tried to push him off. “No, no, just let me try and sleep it off. I can try another Imitrex.”

“Nope. Not negotiable. You’re dehydrated from throwing up and the pain is way out of hand. You need to get it under control.”

Will made another move to pull Jay into a sitting position. He obeyed this time but kept his hands over his eyes and laid his head back as soon as he stopped moving.

“Are you dizzy?”

Jay shook his head. Will didn’t believe him but figured it wasn’t worth arguing about.

“Wallet in your pocket?”

Jay nodded, trying to conserve his energy for what he knew would be a very uncomfortable walk to the car.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Will pulled Jay to a standing position and took his right arm to guide him. He opened the door to the hallway and the hall light hit Jay like a Mack truck.

“Agh,” he moaned, trying to cover his eyes more thoroughly with his left arm.

Will slipped his sweatshirt off and pushed it against Jay’s hand. “Use that instead.”

Jay balled up the sweatshirt and pushed it against his eyes as they made the slow trek to Will’s car. Once inside, Will buckled him in and shut the door as softly as he could.

Jay used both hands to hold the sweatshirt over his eyes and curled up, leaning against the window.

The ride was uneventful and quiet. Will left the radio off and tried to avoid any sudden jolts.

Pulling up to the entrance, Will whispered to Jay to stay in the car, that he would be right back.

Will arrived back a few minutes later pushing a wheelchair with Natalie in tow. He tapped on the window, which alerted Jay to his presence, before carefully opening the door.

“Jay, I’m here with Natalie. We have a wheelchair here to make it easier.”

“No, no I’m good.”

Will suppressed the urge to chuckle. “Just ride in the wheelchair. It will be easier to keep your eyes covered. The lights are going to be bright.”

Jay took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, allowing Will and Natalie to guide him into the seat. Will placed his feet on each of the footrests before nodding to Natalie.

“I’m gonna go park the car, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Jay grunted a noncommittal reply and Will took that to mean he’d better hurry.

Natalie guided Jay into the ER and into a waiting treatment room. She immediately turned down the lights as low as they could go and helped him up onto the bed.

“Halstead?” he heard a voice ask.

Natalie turned and saw Maggie standing in the doorway.

Natalie nodded. “Migraine. Can you send a nurse in?”

Maggie nodded and turned around to flag someone down. “April, need you here in treatment two.”

April walked over and nearly ran into Will who was rushing to get back to Jay’s side.

“Jay, I’m back, I’m right here.” Will put a hand on Jay’s thigh and squeezed gently. Jay continued to keep the sweatshirt over his eyes but visibly relaxed at Will’s touch.

“Jay,” Natalie said cautiously, trying not to speak too loudly, “Will filled me in on most of it. Sounds like your migraine med isn’t working. You have a history of migraines?”

Jay nodded and Will felt a stab of guilt in his stomach. He had no idea.

“Since my TBI,” he said, painfully, “Overseas. But I haven’t had one for a long time.”

Will realized again how absent he was when Jay needed him most. Jay didn’t tell him much of anything about what happened in Afghanistan or what happened when he got back stateside.

“Let’s see if we can get that pain under control. How would you rate it right now?”

Jay was quiet for a few moments. “Six,” he said simply, then after another second, “seven.”

Will shook his head and mouthed to Natalie, ‘no way’. Natalie smiled and shook her head back at him.

“Jay, I’m going to have you get in a gown and then we’ll get you some medicine to help with that pain and nausea. April? Start a line and give 30mg of Ketorolac and 8mg of Zofran. And run a bag of saline.”

“You got it,” she replied with a smile. “I’ll be right back, Jay.”

They left the room leaving Jay and Will together. Will tapped Jay’s leg. “Let’s get you into this gown.”

“Don’ wanna,” he complained without missing a beat.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But do it anyway. For me.”

Will helped Jay out of his clothes and into the very unflattering hospital gown. Getting him back into bed, he grabbed a thin blanket out of the cabinet and covered him up before trying (and failing) to snap the bed rails up as quietly as possible.

“Will-“ Jay said suddenly, “sick.”

Will grabbed a small basin out of a cabinet and rushed it under Jay’s chin as he started dry heaving again, spitting a mixture of saliva and bile into the bowl.

“I gotcha Jay. Take some deep breaths,” Will whispered, rubbing his back. Jay finally stopped gagging and laid back against the bed, holding the sweatshirt back to his eyes tightly.

“You okay now?”

Jay nodded wordlessly.

Will took a seat next to the bed. As much as he wished he were treating his brother, he was secretly relieved that he could just be here for him. Especially since he wasn’t there for him before.

April returned with the medication and an IV kit.

“Jay, I need to turn the lights up a bit so I can see to get this IV in you, okay? You can keep that over your eyes, I just need to borrow your arm.”

Jay took a deep breath and offered his left arm to her while trying to keep the sweatshirt over his eyes with the right one.

Will watched carefully and noticed his breathing becoming slightly more rapid.

“Jay, I’m going to put the bed back just a little further so we can wrap this around your head and you won’t have to try and hold onto it.”

Will did his best not to jostle Jay’s head too much. Once the sweatshirt was firmly in place, Will grasped Jay’s right hand and squeezed. He leaned forward and whispered in Jay’s ear. “I’ll tell you everything before she does it, I swear.”

April looked on and waited for Will to signal to her that she could start. He looked back at her and nodded.

“She’s going to put that elastic band around your arm and feel around a bit, okay?”

With no response from Jay, she continued.

“Now she’s going to wipe your arm down with an alcohol pad.”

April continued working quietly and readied the needle.

“Okay, Jay, you’re going to feel a big stick here in just a second but it will be over so fast.”

Will squeezed Jay’s hand in his and placed his other hand on his shoulder. “Ready?”

Jay gave a slight but hesitated nod.

April slid the needle in and Jay’s body tensed for a moment before relaxing. She pulled the needle back out, leaving the cannula in place, and taped it down securely.

“That’s it, it’s in,” Will said, rubbing Jay’s shoulder. “You’re gonna start feeling better soon.”

April pushed the medication and then hooked the line up to a fresh back of saline before turning the lights back down and leaving.

Silence stretched out between them. Will knew Jay was still in immense pain and didn’t want to make it worse by talking. So he opted for holding his hand and occasionally running his fingers gently through his hair.

A half hour or so passed before Natalie reappeared.

“Jay,” she whispered, “how are you feeling?”

Jay took a deep breath before cautiously pulling the rolled up sweatshirt off of his eyes. He cleared his throat before mumbling, “Better.”

“How would you rate your pain?”

Jay pondered the question for a moment. “Like a two?”

Natalie smiled. “Good, good, I’m glad to hear that. Keep relaxing for a bit longer so we can make sure that pain stays under control. Do you need anything?”

“Water? Can I get some ice water, please?”

Will immediately jumped up. “I got it. No problem, Jay.”

Will followed Natalie outside as his anxiety for his brother’s well-being finally calmed.

“I had no idea he had lasting migraines from a TBI,” Will admitted.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No. He hasn’t told me much of anything from his time overseas or his time after he came back home. And I wasn’t exactly around when he got back. God, I feel awful. I haven’t really ever been there for him. Not since we were kids.”

“I’m sure he understands. You’re here now and that’s what matters.”

Will shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Just go get that water and be with him.”

Will hurried back to Jay’s room with the Styrofoam cup and straw. “Here Jay, I got you that ice water,” he said, pulling the bedside tray closer and setting the cup down. “Do you want me to raise the bed back up?”

Jay nodded and wiped a hand down his face, trying to get rid of the sudden grogginess that had appeared once the pain subsided.

Jay sat up a little straighter and gripped the cup tightly before taking a long sip. “Thanks, man.”

“Of course.”

An awkward silence fell over them. Jay took a couple of more sips before putting the cup back and laying his head back against the pillow.

Natalie appeared again at just the right time. “Still doing alright there, Jay?”

Jay cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “Yeah, yeah I am. Thanks.”

“Do you still have a neurologist that you see regularly?”

“Uh, no, not really. I haven’t had a migraine this bad for a long time. I didn’t really feel like I needed to keep going. I had the Imitrex which was working.”

Natalie nodded. “Maybe it’s time to consider going back, just for a cursory check in and to maybe see if your Migraine treatment plan needs to be modified.”

Jay didn’t really respond other than a slight nod.

“Before we kick you out of here, I’m going to give you a dose of Decadron – it’s a steroid that will help make sure your migraine doesn’t come back in the next day or so. Sound okay?”

“Yeah, absolutely. That would be great.”

“Just so we’re clear, this will not exempt you from seeing your neurologist. This should cover you for tomorrow, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have another one next week,” she warned, hoping that Will would at least be able to get him to follow through.

“Neurologist. Got it,” Jay said reluctantly.

“Good. I’ll send April back with the Decadron and then we can get you out of here.”

“Sounds great. Thanks, Natalie.”

The room was silent again for several seconds before Will finally spoke up.

“Look Jay, uh, I know I wasn’t a great brother to you back then. Back when you came home, I mean. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I should have been here –“

“Nope, don’t even go there,” Jay cut him off. “Water under the bridge, man.”

“But it’s not. I didn’t even know you still had symptoms from your TBI. And I was just off in New York doing my own thing while you were back here alone.”

“I wasn’t alone; I had dad.”

Will scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure that was a grade A support system.”

“It is what it is. And honestly, I don’t get the migraines very often. I can’t even remember when my last one was. It’s just a fluke that I had one today and that it was really bad. I’m managing just fine otherwise.”

“Which I’m thankful for. But please, Jay, please, for me. Take care of yourself. Call your neurologist and make an appointment.”

Jay smiled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I will.”

#whumptober2020 #no.26 #if you thought the head trauma was bad #fandom #fic #chicago pd #jay halstead #will halstead

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