#awareness acceptance and action i guess

[virtual-babyboi]

depressive feels on the spring equinox is not very renewal of me.

on the other hand, starting new psych meds today.

[cryptideye]

still baffled at the onestars confession retcon that implied crowfeather knew about three as early as when breezekit was still a baby when jayfeather LITERALLY looks inside of his head to know that he didn't in Sunset 😭

[nanpecan]

₊✩‧₊˚once more to see you˚₊✩‧₊

{nanami x f!reader}

˚₊✩‧₊summary: You're a manager at Jujutsu Kaisen and happen to get assigned to driving a rank 1 sorcerer you've had a crush on for a while. Everything seems to be going as normal until an interaction with a curse leaves him a little hot and bothered.

˚₊✩‧₊tags: nanami x fem!reader, explicit smut (mdni) !!

˚₊✩‧₊ word count: 5.6k

˚₊✩‧₊author's note: this has been in my head for so long and I guess its part one to a longer story but who knows if I'll ever get around to writing it, yet alone posting it. anyways first time, kinda nervous; this is super self indulgent and i'm not even sorry about it.

˚₊✩‧₊this is also kind of inspired by this Mitski song, hence the title. I love this song, I think it's very Nanami coded<3

˚₊✩‧₊all parts here! pt 2. pt 3. pt 4.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

An obsession. 

That’s what it was. 

A rush of emotion when you caught even the smallest glance of him. 

Always in a hurry. 

Always somewhere to be. 

Never paying any mind to you. 

This lifestyle was a rushed one and you hardly ever found time for yourself, but your mind always seemed to have a second to wonder about him. 

Was he safe? Was he injured?

You had heard about him through others. 

You had really only seen him in action from a distance, once, and very briefly. But that had been enough to develop this stupid crush. 

You were a busy body, nothing but a cushion to the real missions of importance. 

You had come to accept that you would never really matter past making it from point A to point B, with whatever message you had to deliver, or whoever you had to transport for the day. 

You were secretly content with the position. You had started because you wanted to make a difference. 

But you knew you were a coward. 

You had the spirit but lacked the physical strength to back it. And that made you afraid. 

“Nanami Kento.” 

Your hand stopped mid air as you reached for your phone. 

“I’m sorry?” You must have misheard. 

“You owe me one.” Akari said with a smirk. The head manager had been one of your closest friends since you had begun working as an assistant. You had similar pasts and were around the same age, so you had instantly clicked. She was very much aware of your infatuation even if you hadn’t directly expressed it. She could see right through you every time you tried to feign indifference whenever the topic of Nanami was brought up. 

“Nanami needs transportation to his next mission. He usually goes on his own, but the client insisted he gets driven to this location specifically.”  There was something suspicious about that last statement, but you dismissed it as she kept talking.  “Ijichi is busy dealing with something so it was passed down to me.” She smiled again and shrugged. “But I have some very important business to take care of so I’m passing it on to someone I trust is more than qualified to drive a sorcerer of his class.”  She winked at you. “Don’t worry about the briefing he’s been sent all the information. All you have to do is drive him there and back.” 

You looked down at your phone and tried to act nonchalant. Until you saw the details. “Today?” 

She nodded. “Sorry for the last minute switch up, I figured you’d get in your own head if you had too much time to think about it. Make a good first impression. I’m rooting for you!” She gave you two thumbs up and laughed. 

You tapped your finger against the wheel nervously. You had never been more nervous to drive. It’s okay, you thought to yourself, nothing is going to happen, I doubt he’ll even speak to me. He’s not much of a talker, and besides, he always carries around a newspaper or a book. He won’t be paying attention to me. Just focus on-

You flinched as you heard the passenger door open. You had expected him to sit behind you. 

You felt your stomach drop as Nanami was suddenly next to you. It was almost overwhelming, his size, his smell, his warmth. 

You stared ahead awkwardly and felt his gaze on you. You turned to look at him trying not to seem too flustered. 

“Ah, good afternoon.” You smiled warmly at him. “Um, I’m y/n.” You said. 

He nodded and didn’t say anything back. 

“Right, it should take us around 36 minutes to get to your location.” 

He nodded again, his glasses turning to his watch. He suddenly looked up and stared ahead, as to signal that he was ready to head out.

This was so awkward. It was kind of making it easier to be around him. You didn’t know what else you expected. You’d actually preferred the silence rather than trying to carry a conversation with him. At least that’s what you were telling yourself. 

“Feel free to mess with the radio. I don’t have any preferences.” 

“I prefer to sit in silence before missions.” His voice sent a chill up your spine. Wait a minute, in silence? Weird. You thought to yourself. “Is that okay?” 

“Yes, that’s fine too.” Really weird. Most sorcerers would listen to something to amp them up before a mission. For Kusabe that was smooth Jazz, Yuki would put on 80’s Japanese Rock Classics, Ino would put on Ska and you couldn’t help but laugh the first time he requested it. You smirked at the memory and felt his eyes on you again. You dropped the smile and clenched your jaw. “Alright, we’ll be off then.” He hadn’t stopped staring. You quickly turned to look at him and smiled warmly. He turned away, seeming flustered. You quickly made a note of his reaction and you felt your stomach flutter a bit. You let your eyes linger on him for a bit longer, as he tugged at an invisible string on his suit, before turning away and driving off. 

-

You arrived at your location and looked up at the old building. You bit your lip to hold back a laugh. The crooked neon sign over the door was no longer lit up but you could still read out what it said, ‘Paradise X Massage.’ You curiously looked over to see Nanami’s reaction. As usual, he was stoic. 

He has to know what that means, right? You went around the car to stand next to him and the moment you took a step closer you felt the aura of the building. A shiver went up your spine and your stomach felt tingly. You couldn’t help but smile. A curse born from a place of sex was bound to have this kind of aura. 

Things started to click. Of course Nanami was the best sorcerer for the job. He would take this very seriously. You doubted he ever let his emotions get ahead of him. You thought back to a story Ijichi had told you a long time ago about a group of male sorcerers that had been sent to exorcise a type of Kejoro, only for them to return unsuccessful, unable to carry out the mission, as well as being hot and bothered for a week. 

You felt Nanami’s eyes on you again. You looked at him before turning back at the sign and scrunching your face. “Nanami, I wouldn’t have taken you for this type of man, but don’t worry I won’t tell.” You winked at him and cringed at your stupid joke. You didn’t know him like that. He probably thought you were insane. 

“Thank you, I try not to make it a habit.” He said back with a small smile. 

You looked at him a little surprised and laughed. 

“There you are, hello!” A sweaty man with beady eyes came your way and beelined to Nanami. “My name is Gonji, I was the one who sent for you.” He glanced at your direction before turning his back to you to speak with Nanami. You blinked and grimaced. “I bought this location five months ago, I should have known there was something wrong for the price I paid, but hey! That’s business! I’m planning on fixing her up and turning it into a real refined establishment if you know what I mean. I already have the clientele, and the girls but this damn thing keeps scaring the girls away and-“ he whispered the next words. “-killed three of my guys. But hey, that’s business!” He laughed nervously. He was talking a mile a minute, becoming more and more sweaty. The air had to be getting to him. “Anyway I’ve already called a bunch of weirdos to go in there and kill the damn thing but they were all useless. Scammers all of them.” He spat at the ground. “Hey if ya help me out, I’m sure we can work out some sort of discount for you once we’re up and running. What do you say, your choice of girl-“ 

“Has it taken any hostages?” Nanami cut him off. 

“No it only scares off the girls, but lets them out. The men on the other hand…If they do manage to make it out they act like wild animals. I have to keep them away from my girls.” He laughed and then erupted into a coughing fit. “That’s why I recommend you bring a driver. Even if you do kill this thing, the tent in your pants won’t let you focus on anything else for another two hours.” He cackled and elbowed Nanami in a playful manner. Nanami’s jaw clenched and he stared down at the man. Gonji didn’t seem to notice. He finally turned towards you. “Well at least you brought yourself a cute mouse to play with if it gets to be too much.” You couldn’t hide the look of disgust on your face when he finally looked at you. “Hey there little lady, a smile might help.” He rolled his eyes and turned back to Nanami. “Women these days. Can’t take a joke.” He tried elbowing Nanami again and was stopped by Nanami’s large hand grabbing his forearm. 

“We’ll get started. Did you want to go inside with me?” Nanami asked the man. 

Gonji pulled his arm out of Nanami’s grasp and swore at him under his breath. “No, I’m taking off. I have places to go, people to see, although I’d pay god knows what to see that bitch’s blood spilled on the floor.” He looked around and picked up a rock before weakly throwing it at the sign. He missed, it didn’t even hit the wall. He messed with his jacket, embarrassed. “I’ll be leaving now. I’ll send the payment tomorrow when I come and see the place again.” He waddled off. 

“What a fucking dickhead.” You said. “We shouldn’t even exorcise this curse. He shouldn’t be allowed to run a place like that. I’m willing to bet-“ 

“Will you put up the barrier?” You turned back to Nanami and nodded before muttering the incantation. Nanami awkwardly placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.” He turned towards the barrier. “For the record I agree. Scum like him are a scourge to society and should be dealt with accordingly. For now let’s bring this curse some peace.”

“Let’s.” You said in agreement. You watched him disappear into the veil.  

-

You leaned back against the car and checked the time on your watch. He had been gone for 20 minutes now. You sighed. Was it an insult to worry about him? He was one of the best - in your heavily biased opinion. 

   You heard your phone ding from inside the car as you received a message and you quickly went around to check it.  

    -So when’s the wedding? 

Akari was checking in on you. 

   -answer me this, what does it mean when someone doesn’t want to listen to any music on a 30 minute drive. 

   -No music? Like at all?     -none.    -weird. 

   -that’s what I was thinking! he must be fighting demons in his head.     -or he just wanted to savor every minute with you<3     -shut up.     -how’s it going anyway?     -don’t you have “important” business to take care of?     -:p boooo     -it’s fine, it’s some sort of sex cu-

You jumped as the back passenger door to your right was suddenly being opened. You felt the car shake as Nanami collapsed into the seats.  

“Shit, Nanami? Are you okay.” You should have been out there to greet him. You exited out of the car and dropped the veil. The building was a pile of rubble. You made your way around the car and yanked open the door. 

You felt blood rush to your face and your jaw dropped as you looked at what lay in front of you. 

Nanami had taken off his suit jacket, and was no longer wearing his glasses. He was suddenly desperately undoing his tie and fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, all the while breathing heavily. He turned away from you as you looked in.  

“What’s wrong, are you injured? How can I help?” Your face felt hot as you watched him struggle with his clothes. You hesitated to move forward, unsure what to do. 

He moved around a bit more, still struggling with his shirt, and you got a better look at him. His face was flush red and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. He was panting, basically gasping for air. You stared at him feeling a burning in your chest as your heart beat in your ears. 

You snapped out of your trance, this was not the time. He might be hurt. He had backed up enough to be leaning on the opposite car door so you moved forward and let the door shut behind you. “Let me help you with that.” You said softly, moving your hands closer to help him with the buttons. “Are you hurt?” You asked as he let out a soft grunt. “Let me take a look.” His hands fell to his side and you noticed he was gripping the seats. He winced away from your touch, hissing as your knee touched his thigh. 

You froze. Your hands still on his shirt. He shuddered away from you but you felt him move his thigh forward, slightly, to touch your knee again. He let out a deep exhale and a muffled grunt. He repeated the movement again and again. You stayed there staring at him, face burning as you realized he was basically humping you. His breaths got faster and you felt the ghost of his hand on your back slowly pulling you closer. His inner thigh was now pushing into your knee repeatedly and you felt him slightly buckle his hips as his hand finally landed on your neck and pulled you forward. Your hands, still on his shirt buttons, pushed lightly against his chest and your head fell into the space above his shoulder, cheeks now next to each other. He pushed hard against your knee one more time and then you heard him moan deeply into your ear. 

“Fuck.” You heard him mutter. His voice was full of frustration. “Fuck.” He said again. 

You slowly pulled back, looking at him, completely in shock. He wasn’t meeting your gaze. He just kept muttering “fuck” and “sorry” under his breath. 

You looked down and once again felt blood rush to your face as you realized what had happened. 

Since his body was leaned back against the door, you had crawled closer to him and were now on your knees between his legs. You guessed at some point he had managed to undo his belt, the button to his trousers, and pulled down the zipper because you were staring at his erection through the fabric of his underwear. It was soaked. 

You quickly pulled back away from him, somewhat losing your balance and placing your hands back down to steady yourself. Nanami lurched up as you placed your hands on his thighs and you watched as he came again. This time seeing the white liquid bleed through the fabric and drip down. 

“I- I am so sorry.” You said quickly and started to back away. You needed to leave him alone. One of his hands grabbed onto your arm keeping you in place. You looked at him confused. 

“No, stop,” he said, panting. “I’m sorry,” he said, finally looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I apologize. This is bad. I can't control-“ he squeezed your arm a little as his eyes shut and his brows knit together. “I need...” he looked into your eyes and slowly moved closer to you. His face was inches away and you felt the warmth radiating off of him. He looked directly at you now and seemed to be looking for some sort of sign. His eyes were beautiful. You realized this was the first time you had seen them. “Please…” You continued to stare at him, in shock. He wriggled beneath you and let out a soft moan. “I need you.” 

You understood. 

You quickly moved closer to him, crashing your lips into his. He moaned into your mouth and desperately pressed his lips to yours. You pushed your tongue through his closed lips and he slightly opened his mouth meeting you with his own tongue. You let him slither his in yours before closing your mouth and tugging at his lips slightly. When you finally pulled back you were both panting heavily, a string of saliva connecting you. You looked down and saw he had come again. 

“Y/N, please,” he took your hand and pulled it towards him. “I want…” you looked at him and smirked. Your eyes wandered down as he groaned again. 

“What do you want?” You said mischievously. You looked back up. 

“Please.” You had intended to tease him, but he looked so distraught and frazzled, you felt it would be too mean spirited. You nodded and let his hand guide you to his pants. You laid your hand down gently over him and felt him twitch underneath you. He groaned and you felt your face burn up again. This was happening. 

“I’ll-I’ll help you out, don’t worry.” You said nervously. You pressed down and his hips jutted into your hand. Your chest felt fluttery as your eyes were glued down to your hand and his member twitching beneath it. You smiled a little and clenched your thighs together. Focus. You were all talk. You tried to hide your nerves as you slowly wrapped your fingers around his clothed cock. He tried to suppress a moan as he shuddered underneath you. You watched the discoloration in his underwear spread as more fluid leaked out. “Wow.” 

He suddenly pulled your face closer to him and kissed you. He was desperate for contact, moaning into your mouth as he used his free hand to pull down the band of his underwear and you gasped as you felt his hot skin in your hand. 

You opened your eyes to try to sneak a peek but his right hand was buried in your hair, keeping you in place to make out with him. You kept your fingers together and wrapped around him as he thrust his hips forward, sliding between your curled fingers easily. He tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth as you felt him wrap a hand around yours, guiding you to stroke him. His breath shuddered at the feeling and he pulled you closer again. You moved your free hand to steady yourself as you leaned over him. 

He looked up at you and you saw fire burning in his eyes. He suddenly moved your hand away from his dick and placed his hands on your hips lifting you slightly so he could readjust himself under you. You were straddling him. He watched you carefully as he gently rocked his hips up between your legs and moved his hands up to go under your shirt. He waited patiently for your approval. You nodded and his hands slithered up your shirt to cup your breasts. You gasped as he roughly kneaded you and you started to undo the buttons on your shirt. Nanami decided you weren’t fast enough and ripped the shirt off of you. You didn’t have time to process past the sound of fabric ripping because he sat up and kissed you again. 

His hands moved impatiently all over your body as he pulled you closer. He was rough, but not in an aggressive way, he was impatient. You suddenly felt his fingers work their way into the waistband of your pants and you moved your hands to stop him. He looked up at you and stopped moving. He stared silently, still breathing heavily. “Would you like me… to stop?” He asked. 

You looked down at him and took a moment to assess the situation. Nanami was half naked laying under you. His shirt was now off revealing his toned chest and abdomen. You finally looked down and saw his dick. Wide and long, the bright red tip was leaning right and radiating heat. Your mouth watered. And you lightly moved your hips forward to feel it push against your core. 

“Is there a problem?” He asked. 

You hesitated to answer him. How embarrassing, you thought to yourself, this is probably going to hurt. Would he stop if you told him you were a virgin? Maybe it would be for the best. You could feel yourself soaking through your underwear, but would that be enough? He was big. You looked back up at him and opened your mouth to speak. You met his eyes and you blushed. His hair was tousled, skin pink and flush and of course he was breathing deeply. You noticed something on the side of his neck. A cut. It was a puncture wound, no bigger than your pinky nail, but it looked deep. 

“You’re injured.” You put your hand up to it and carefully examined it. It was emoting cursed energy and everything clicked. He might have defeated the curse in the building but she had gotten a good lick in. You put your hand over it to heal him. 

You weren’t good at much, but your ability to use a tiny amount of RCT had been your saving grace. Not that you were very good at it. You could really only handle superficial wounds like this one. 

Suddenly his hand grabbed your wrist and pulled it away. “Later,” he said. You stared at him confused. “I want to finish you first.” His hips thrust upwards against your pants and you couldn’t help but smile. You nodded and brought your hands down to undo the button to your pants. Nanami hissed under you as you shifted your weight around trying to pull your pants down. You were able to get one leg out and began pulling them down the other when he grabbed you quickly and settled you on top of him again. He looked up at you and you watched his eyes move down to take in your body. “Are you ready?”

You looked back at him nervously. “I-you’re so big.” You were too embarrassed to tell him it was your first time. He sat up and was suddenly inches from your face. 

He smiled coyly and nodded. “It’s okay, I can help you.” You felt one of his hands grip your waist and the other moved down to rub your clit. Your breath shuddered and you automatically buckled your hips against his hand. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders for support. He smiled wider, amused. His fingers moved lower and he slid them between your folds to collect your arousal. You were breathing heavily, your face buried into his chest. You felt him slip a finger inside of you, slowly, you felt him push up against you as far as he could go before there was a slight pop. 

A moan escaped your lips as he pushed his finger deeper. “Fuck,” he muttered. “You’re so tight.” You felt him drag his finger out, “I’m adding another one, okay?” You nodded lost in bliss. You bit your lip as you felt his fingers stretch you out again, this time sliding in a bit easier. His hands were large and his fingers long, but you knew this was easy to take compared to the real thing. Your ability to think was damped as he sped up his thrusts and his other hand slid down to rub your clit again with his thumb. You gasped and felt yourself clench onto him. You moved your hips forward desperate to feel friction. You were panting wildly and felt yourself getting close. You moved your arm down and wrapped a hand around his cock. Roughly stroking it, to repay the favor. 

“Wait-I’m close, I-I want you inside of me.” You whispered into his ear. You could feel his heartbeat quicken as his lips crashed down on yours again. 

“Whatever you want.” He said. He removed his fingers and you winced at the new empty feeling. Still rubbing your clit with one hand, he moved his now free hand to stop your strokes and guided himself between your legs. He thrust slowly against your folds running his cock between your thighs and your mound and you buckled your hips against him.

You smiled happily. Even if you couldn’t take him, you’re sure you could come from just this. He suddenly stopped and pulled back, you looked down at his cock now gleaming, covered in your fluids. He lay back against the seat and put his hands on your hips. “Now it’s up to you,” he lifted your hips and positioned you so your cunt was hovering over him. “Take your time, if you don’t think you can do it, let me know.” You felt embarrassment rush through you. Did he know? 

“Thank you.” You said meekly. 

“I’m not trying to embarrass you,” he said softly. His hand came up and caressed your cheek. “I just don’t want to hurt you.” The kindness in his eyes made your heart flutter. You nodded with new determination. You placed a hand on his chest to balance yourself as you reached down with your other one to position him in place. You thrust your hips against his tip and pushed it into your folds, watching as his jaw clenched from the feeling. You found your opening and slowly lowered yourself to allow him inside. You winced as the tip entered you and you pushed down as far as you could go. You looked down in disappointment as you realized he wasn’t even half way in. You moved your hips back and forth just on his tip and he moved his hands onto your hips digging his fingers into you. He hissed and closed his eyes from the feeling. 

“Sorry.” You apologized. 

   He opened his eyes and furrowed his brows. “Don’t apologize. If that’s all you can do, I’ll take it.” He slowly thrust his hips and you moaned. You wished you could take him further. You bit your lip, you could do it. You reached down to lead his cock further into you and you braced yourself as you pushed him in deeper. You whimpered as you felt him stretch you out and after a little resistance he slid right in with a plop. He pulled you closer and bucked his hips slightly as he felt you wrapped around him. Pulsing from the new feeling. You winced as he moved. He was so big. You looked up at him and his face was pure bliss. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes closed, brows furrowed. “Shit,” he muttered. “You’re so tight around me.” He looked up at you. “Is this your first-“ you cut him off with a kiss. You winced at the sensation of him inside of you but suddenly moaned as he pushed up and you felt him reach a spot deep inside of you. You gasped as he thrust and hit it again. 

“There, right there, please.” You said desperately. He smiled and began thrusting his hips upwards satisfied every time he saw your face scrunch when he hit that spot. His hands moved back to your ass and he spread your cheeks out allowing himself to go just a little bit deeper. You let out a yelp as he now directly hit that spot inside of you. 

“Good girl, you’re taking me so well”. He said. You smiled lazily and kissed him. He slowed his pace a bit as he moved his hand down to rub your clit again. He had seen how much you had liked it and wanted you to finish soon. The feeling of you clamping down on him was going to make him cum soon, too. You let out a heavenly moan as he started to rub you. 

Your hips moved down on their own as you rode him. “Nanami! Fuck!” You whined as you bounced over him. You pulled him closer to you to make out and he began to move his hips in opposition to yours. You gasped as you felt him reach deep inside of you, and you wanted more, you felt your climax building up as you desperately pushed against him. Wanting to keep him deeper. He understood and thrust sharply and rubbed your clit harder. Loud moans of his name and ungodly noises left your lips as you felt it all become too much and you suddenly felt your whole body shake vigorously as you came. You felt tears come to your eyes. 

You had never felt this good, you felt radiant, like a blinding fire took your body and left you refreshed. You shook over him a couple of times, enjoying the feeling of your cunt pulsing on him. He had stopped moving, still buried deep inside of you so you could ride out your high. Your eyes fluttered as you looked up at him and you smiled, happier than you’d ever been. He planted a kiss on your lips. 

“You’re beautiful.” He said. You felt heat weld up in your stomach, he wiped your tears away softly. 

You looked down at him and furrowed your brows. “You didn’t come.” You lifted your hips slightly and winced. “Keep going.” You blushed as you saw the white ring that had formed at the base of his cock. The opening of his pants was also covered in your slick. 

He nodded and put a hand over your waist, quickly flipping you over and laying you down across the back seats. You were now under him and watched as he backed up, pulling his pants further down. You watched him through the V frame of your legs. Your cunt was sore and you felt like you looked a mess but when he looked back up at you, all your insecurities vanished. He took the sight of you in and you saw his dick twitch with anticipation. He came closer and while you expected him to just go in you gasped as his face went between your thighs and his lips latched onto your clit. You let out a moan. It was too much, you were still so sensitive. You grabbed his head and ran your fingers through his blonde locks. He looked up at you as he ran a stiff tongue against your folds and you shuddered. He smirked and went to town. 

He threw your legs over his shoulders and devoured you. Your toes curled and you had to stop yourself from closing your thighs, afraid to crush him. You suddenly felt his fingers curl deep inside you as his tongue played with your bud and you yelled out, your climax hitting again. You held his head against you as you rode out your high; thrusting your hips forward, and rubbing your cunt over his entire face, his nose in particular hitting your clit and making you shudder. You let your head fall back and looked up at him. He smiled at you before backing up and lining himself up to your entrance. “Are you still okay?” 

You nodded, exhausted but ready for more. This had to be a dream. “Whatever you want.” You repeated back to him with a smile.

“Good girl.” He pushed himself easily into you and you watched his face form a scowl as he went past your tightest part. You clenched down on him and he opened an eye and smirked at you. “Tell me if it gets to be too much.” You couldn’t even answer him before he was thrusting into you quickly, his hands on your hips holding you down and pulling you against him. He was desperate to fuck you. His hips bucked wildly against you, going in and out at a sickening pace. You could only stare at him in bliss, your mouth open and deep moans escaping everytime he moved. He grunted and pulled you closer, feeling himself coming to his limit. “You’re so good. You’re taking me so well, Princess. Fuck.” He muttered. 

“Nanami-” you moaned his name as you felt another high wash over you. You yelped and shut your eyes, arching your back with a cry. You wrapped your legs around him, locking him in place as you felt him growing more desperate with each thrust. You hummed as you noticed him looking at you, once again looking like he was looking for a sign. You smiled, exhausted and nodded. That’s all he needed. 

He grunted again and thrust his hips into you one last time, roughly, as he came. You felt him shooting hot ropes of cum inside of you and you brought his head down to kiss him. He smiled against your lips. You felt his cock pulsing inside of you and your eyes closed sleepily. 

“Thank you, y/n.” 

You nodded as you felt exhaustion come over you. “You can go again if you want.” You said barely keeping your eyes open. 

“What?” 

“You made me come three times just now. I think I owe you two more rounds.” He smiled and shook his head. 

“Rest, I’ll clean you up.” You furrowed your brows and frowned. “Do you trust me?” 

“Yes, but,” your eyes closed again. “It’s not fair. Go again, I don’t mind. I’ve been dreaming about this for so long I-“ you fell asleep.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

pt. 2 pt 3. pt 4.

˚₊✩‧₊nana here: if you made it this far bless you. if you saw a typo...no you didn't. idk if i'll ever post pt 2...i guess it depends on how this does or if a certain someone somehow convinces me to post the next part—shout out to cath my biggest supporter<3

[myriadeyed]

Hi bird therians! I'd like to present the following list of definitions of avian terminology; instincts and anatomy. Specifically, terms for things that many birdkin may already be aware of due to their own shifts, but not know the word for or even that it's a real and normal thing. Why do I make that assumption? Because my own mind was blown every time I discovered one of these words, the way things I would do or phantom parts I would feel suddenly made sense. So I hope to induce the same reaction in at least someone.

Behaviors

Mantling is mostly a bird of prey thing, the action of leaning over a kill and shielding the spoils with your wings so as to defend it from thieves. I can do no better of a description than a photo, included at the bottom of this post and for raptors it will probably spark recognition.

Rousing is the word for that "slowly fluff up the feathers and then shake the whole body" thing that birds do. Yes, it does have a name! Birds do it when relaxed or just chilly. It is not a threat display. I experience this as like an near-involuntary action -- like scratching an itch or sneezing -- and because I'm not actually raising physical feathers it feels kind of like shivering. But it sort of feels frustrating that I can't seem to achieve it. Like when a sneeze goes away.

Feather-plucking (pterotillomania) is a maladaptive habit birds in captivity develop when they are stressed. You see it most often with parrots, because they're kept as pets more than other birds and are also extremely intelligent so more easily understimulated. Sometimes this does feel like being a bird in captivity and a lot of you might experience this instinct without knowing what it is your brain's asking to do because you have no feathers. Calling it pterotillomania is helpful to me because I have actual dermotillomania and if my body had feathers I'd be plucking them.

Anatomy

Nictitating membrane. Starting with this because you may already know it by now. The third eyelid of birds, translucent, drawn sideways across the eye so that you can keep it moist while still being able to see. Also, as you may know, relevant to cat therians!

Crop. Part of the digestive tract of a bird in the throat where food is temporarily stored before being digested. If you had these shifts it would feel like, according to Wikipedia, basically an enlarged portion of the esophagus.

Keel. An extension of the sternum, the structure to which flight muscles are attached. If you had these shifts it would feel like a thin bone going beneath (or I guess on a humanoid body plan, in front of) your ribcage.

Cloaca. In the interest of not having to mark this post mature, I will not define or describe this one. I encourage you to look it up. Mammals are already working to reduce the stigma surrounding these types of shifts and instincts; we can do the same. There is no shame in it. You're a bird and birds have these. Accept it.

Birds do have sensation in our beaks. There are nerve endings in the beak. Not as much as, say, human skin, but yes, birds can feel touch on their beaks. If you can feel your beak, great! That is anatomically correct, and it certainly does not make you fake!

And now for your enjoyment, a mantling eagle:

[slushycoookie]

Miguel wants to see you...

He says that while you were on a call with him. His voice breathless, the wind gusting against your ear. You knew he had just finished a fight with a few supervillains that were causing trouble in Nueva York. This fight was televised so you got the rare chance to see him in action. And become concerned.

“Why?” It was the first word that came to your mind and slipped out your lips.

Miguel harshly chuckled, “What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Not like that.” You shook your head and rephrased, “I mean, you were just in a fight and you want to see me?”

“Yes.” Simple and to the point. “Is your window unlocked?”

You rolled your eyes, “Obviously.”

“I thought I told you to lock it after I left the other day.”

“I forgot this time.” You said while grabbing him a change of clothes from your closet. “And why can’t you just portal in instead?”

“It’s considered an unsanctioned use of a portal.” He said as a matter-of-factly.

Right on cue, Miguel opens the window. Crawling in slowly, as if he didn’t want to disturb anyone else in your apartment complex. You make sure the lights are dimmed, only the glow from the tv providing sufficient light.

He lowers his mask and you get to see his handsome face. A couple of strands sticking to his forehead when he struts up to you, smiling from ear to ear. Red eyes filled with affection now that he sees you. His arm goes around your waist to pull you into a hug. His face on your head, soaking up the scent of normalcy on you. While you could smell sweat mixed in with his earthy musk.

You two stand there in your living room. Taking in each other’s presence. A part of you wanted to make sure Miguel didn’t stay away from your sight. You didn’t want to admit how much watching that fight scared you. Causing you to be worried for his safety. You were already aware of the dangers of his secret identity. But now it felt real.

His words take you out of your thoughts. “I feel better now.”

“Are you hurt?” You quickly part to scan him for bruises but he pulls you back into his chest.

“Just a few bruises. I’ll be fine.” The hold Miguel has on you gets tighter as he’s picking you up, burying his face in your neck.

You accept it, soothing him by running your hands through his hair. “Are you gonna spend the night?”

“Yes.” He then looks at you, brows lowered as he second guesses himself. “If that’s okay? It’s not my apartment, it’s yours.”

A light laugh escapes you, “Of course. It’s always okay with me.”

A/N: Thought about this yesterday, I had to write it.

[make-me-imagine]

Headcanons + One Shot: Crush {R.Z}

Scenarios/Headcanons + One Shot: What Zoro is like when he has a crush on you

Pairing: OPLA Roronoa Zoro x Gn!Reader

Warnings: N/A

Words: 1.5k (Headcanons ~400 ; One Shot 1.1k)

Zoro is well aware of his feelings, BUT he does not portray them in the way he thinks he does.

When he realized he had feelings for you, and that they were not going to go away anytime soon, he decided to embrace them.

You noticed a slight change in his behavior towards you.

He would talk to you more often, listen to you more closely than before.

He could compliment or encourage you more often, even if it was in a 'Zoro' kind of way.

'Hey at least you didn't fall off the ship this time.' 'Good job, next time you might actually succeed.' 'That was an improvement from last time at least.'

Though you noticed the way he changed, you were not aware it was because he had feelings for you. You assumed he had just accepted you as a friend.

Not that you were complaining, you weren't. You had a crush on the green haired swordsman from the beginning.

So any improvement was great.

In Zoro's mind, the meaning behind his actions were obvious.

So when you did not reciprocate, or seem to acknowledge them, he was afraid you did not feel the same.

His nonchalant behavior, slowly became more desperate.

Especially when you seemed to be growing closer to Sanji.

Zoro hated the idea of not receiving your affections, but not receiving them because of him, almost infuriated him.

And just as quickly as Zoro acted more friendly towards you, he was suddenly more withdrawn, though, you noticed the way he would silently hang round you.

Now you were even more confused.

There were no more compliments, no more casual conversations. But he always went with you wherever you went.

If you split up on an island, he would go with you. If you were hanging out in the kitchen with Sanji, Zoro would be sitting at the table, often glaring at Sanji, though this was no different than before. During a fight Zoro would remain close to your side.

His behavior constantly threw you through a loop and you weren't sure what to do about it.

"So what did you do to Zoro this time?" You asked Sanji as you leaned against the railing of the ship.

Sanji huffed as he reeled in his fishing line.

You glanced over to Zoro, who was lying on the railing of the ship across from you, his eyes glaring at Sanji as if he was trying to push him into the water with just his mind.

"I don't think it's me who did something."

You gave him a quizzical stare and he smirked. You pointed at yourself "Me?"

He nodded as he chuckled. "He only glares at me like that when you are around. Otherwise he usually leaves me alone."

You furrowed your brow as you looked back over at Zoro, catching him looking away like he had been caught.

"I don't get it, what does he think is happening?"

"Maybe he thinks I am harassing you. He does seem particularly protective over you."

It was your turn to laugh. "Protective of me? Zoro?"

Sanji nodded with a wide smile, "Don't tell me you didn't notice how he follows you around everywhere."

"Wh- well yeah but...I didn't really think much of it I guess."

"Well you should start."

Sanji's words lingered with you throughout the day, and more and more, you noticed Zoro's attention on you. You had noticed it before, but never to its actual extent.

Even though he had withdrawn from talking to you as much, his eyes followed you everywhere, and he was always within earshot of you. Anywhere you looked, he was nearby, napping, drinking, sharpening his swords, lounging.

And now, as you were fixing a tear in one of the sails, he was lying about ten feet away, appearing as though he was asleep, though you knew better now.

Distracted by your gaze on him, you let out a hiss as you stabbed yourself with your needle. Zoro's eyes shot open at the sound as he looked over at you.

As you looked at the small hole in your finger, a shadow crossed over you. Looking up you saw Zoro staring down at you and your heart skipped a beat.

Crouching down, Zoro took your hand as he looked at your finger. Butterflies swirled through your stomach, "It's just a small poke."

Zoro looked up and met your eyes, "You should still be careful."

You nodded silently, your eyes locked with his. Clearing his throat, he let go of your hand and rose to leave.

"Zoro."

He stopped in his tracks before looking back down at you. Your gaze made his heart flip.

"Did I do something?"

He frowned as he looked down at you, wracking his own brain to understand what you meant.

"What?"

You swallowed nervously, "Well, before, you were so talkative to me, and nice, and then suddenly you stopped. I was just wondering if I did something."

Zoro hadn't realized you noticed he withdrew from you and guilt washed over him. "You didn't do anything."

"Then why? I thought we had finally gotten closer."

He let out a soft sigh before he stepped forward and knelt back down in front of you. He tilted his head to the side as he gazed at you, making your ears and neck grow hot.

"I-" as he hesitated, uncertain of what to say, you gaze patiently at him, only making him feel more nervous.

He let out a sigh as he hung his head, "I don't know what to say."

You smiled softly, "You've never really been good with words. So let me help."

Looking up, his heart flipped at the sight of the soft smile on your lips.

"You started treating me differently, more friendly than before. Then, all of a sudden you stopped. Yet you still seem to always be around me."

The more you spoke, the more unevenly his heart raced.

"And, any time I'm with Sanji, you look as though you could throw him overboard. Though, that is not entirely out of character, it seems to be for a different reason then usual."

Zoro swallowed nervously as he looked around, glad it was still just the two of you on deck.

"Zoro."

His eyes shot back to yours and he could see you repressing a smile.

"Why is it so hard to tell me you like me?"

Zoro seemed to freeze for a moment as he took in your words. Why was it so hard? You obviously figured it out, and you didn't seem to be repulsed by it. So, would it be okay?

"I- I don't know."

His comment was an admittance in itself and your heart raced painfully fast. You bit the inside of your lip, waiting for him to say more, hoping he would.

"I've never felt this before."

You saw the way he was wringing his hands nervously.

"This?"

He let out a soft sigh, you really weren't gonna give up till he said it clearly huh? His lips curled as he met your eyes again.

"When I see you my heart races, quicker, more painful than even when I'm in the middle of a fight. My hands get sweaty, I forget my words. When you enter the room I feel my breath vanish, and when you leave the room I feel the overwhelming urge to follow you. I want to be around you all the time, I want to watch over you, protect you, keep you safe and sound. I want to see you smile and hear you laugh, and I want to be the cause of it. I want-"

Realizing the bright look in your eyes and the way you were repressing a grin, his chest tightened and a smile spread across his own face.

He let out a soft sigh. "I want to keep feeling these things. They scared me at first, but I want to keep feeling them. I want this. I want-... I want you."

Allowing the grin you had been repressing to stretch across your face your eyes were shining with excitement and emotion. "If you were feeling all of those things why did you distance yourself?"

He sighed, "You seemed to be getting close to the waiter."

You giggled softly, "We're friends, crew-mates, but I don't have feelings for him if that's what you were worried about."

"You don't?" You shook your head, "Any?"

You shook your head again with a soft chuckle, "None at all. Any feelings like that are reserved for someone else."

Zoro swallowed as he cleared his throat. "Anyone I know?"

"You might! Tall, swordsman, green hair, quiet, not great with words or emotions."

Zoro chuckled, "Sounds like a catch."

"I think so."

Zoro moved closer to you, his eyes scanning your face, "And if this guy finally get's his head out of his ass and asks you out?"

You grinned at him, "Then I would gladly say yes."

"Well it's a good thing he has then."

"Yes, it is."

xx End xx

Kind of an odd ending, but whatever lol its my first time writing anything on this blog for a while.

General Taglist:  @criminaly-supernatural, @imaginesfire, @onuen, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry, 

One Piece Taglist: @fangirlextraordinaire, @smileykiddie08 Zoro: @murnsondock,

-Taglist Form-

[vesora]

there is no past

ive been avoiding making posts because all the info u need is already posted but i saw making this post in a 'dream' so might as well

so what exactly is the past? it is an event or experience that precedes the present time.

however if you have been in the loa community for long you may have realised that the only time that exists is now. i had mentioned this briefly in a previous post but i will expand.

the past and the future are concepts made up of thought and false identification. there is essentially no proof of your past existing except from in your mind. therefore how can we be extremely sure that the past actually exists and it's not something we made up?

there is no difference between an 'imagined' past and a past you think you experienced. they both exist in the mind. it is your false identification with an illusory past that makes you believe that what you see in the '3D' is real, when in fact if you choose your 'past' to be different, the '3D' will 'change' accordingly. this is why neville introduced the topic of revision. everything in this world is malleable. the only reason you see the world as solid is because you assume it's solid. if you believed it was liquid, then it would be liquid. there are no objective facts in this world, only what YOU as the creator deems to be true.

isn't this incredibly liberating? nothing from your past holds you back, because it doesn't exist except in your mind! and guess what? YOU are in control of your mind so you can have your desired past where you experience the things you want to and which reflect on the present day.

every moment is a moment you can start afresh. every new moment is a moment you are liberated from your subconscious habits. destroy what you do not want to experience and let it be destroyed. do not come back to it, it does not exist. maybe your ego wants you to revisit it and you become trapped in the clutches of your own mind and your reality becomes a prison, but how silly is that for a God? when you wish to paint, you gather acrylics or watercolours and buy some brushes but without the action of you painting, the canvas remains empty. it remains as it was before because you did not decide to paint. you just stared at the canvas just wishing, hoping, it would change. there is no such thing as 'inspired' action or any of that law of attraction BS. what i am talking about is the act of DECIDING and ACCEPTING that YOU are the painter and the world is your canvas.

don't fall into the trap of just reading posts and understanding it intellectually, apply it. there is literally nothing holding you back, NOTHING. the human body cannot manifest but YOU can. the habits, memories, and thoughts of the mind are illusory. YOU have the power to choose what you want to experience by consciously identifying yourself as the person you wish to be and identify yourself as the life you wish to live. there is no duality, you ARE it now.

although we have said it countless times, leave the world alone. it only listens to your command. it does not exist without you being aware of it, so why not choose to be aware of something you desire? why not choose to be aware of a different past?

there is nothing to do except realise that the human body-mind is illusory. it cannot hold you back. it cannot MAKE you experience something you, as the creator, do not want to.

be free! you are in control. there is nothing outside of you. all is happening within you. you have an abundance of joy and resources within you, access it. live a life you deserve. take life easy. have fun with the human experience. be your own anchor and be grounded in your own power as god.

[kanmom51]

This is what knowing someone is all about

JM wasn't feeling well. But he soldiered on throughout that first day.

And at night, well, quite a sleepless one, looks like things jumped up a notch and not in a good way.

And to those that are watching and don't understand the dynamics of the two it might appear that JK is being a little distant perhaps. Definitley not too talkative. Not as much as they sure want him to be.

I will say this again - what we see is edited content. JK spent the whole day with JM, the night too. And not in silence. Surprisingly (NOT) even when the cameras were off, or perhaps, like I mentioned, conversations and interactions cut out.

Another example to the cutting and editing is the conversation we get at the 50:58 minute mark. It's quite obvious that this convo, that has to do with JM getting wacked in the nose overnight, happened after the whole interaction that we get to see at 52:54 minutes. In the latter JM is wiped out, just waking up, feeling like shit (hard to hide), while in the first JM is fully awake and conversational, probably feeling a little better than before. A little better perhaps, but well awake for sure.

Top that with the fact that we know those two and how they communicate with each other. At times no need for words. Eye contact, facial expressions, a touch at times, are enough for them to know what the other is saying or feeling.

In the wake of all that, we get the little interaction in the morning.

JK is aware of the cameras, he's telling the cameras - us - that JM is "dying right now". Meaning, he's feeling REALLY bad.

And JK wants JM to be better. He prepares the medicine for JM to take and gives it to JM.

But he doesn't force him. He doesn't argue with him.

He places it in JM's hand and leaves.

Allowing JM to decide if and when to take it.

And this, my friends is it.

This is how you know just how close they are. How much they know each other. Know if you can push, insist, and if so just how much to do so.

JK wants JM to take the medicine. He tells him he needs to take it, but he doesn't stand there waiting for him to, because he knows JM. He knows that there is a good chance that JM won't want to and he isn't going to argue about it with him.

And JM doesn't.

He places the medication back on the table without taking it.

Does he take it later on? We don't know for sure, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't though. But even if he did, he did it in his own time of his own accord. JK standing over him insisting he take it at that moment would have been futile, and JK knew that!!!

Reminds me a little of JK during MOTS ON:E live online concert day 1, not rushing to JM when he was crying while doing his ments. Waiting for the camera to fan out, for his part to end, allowing him to go to JM and comfort him but in the way that JM will accept that comfort while on camera. This is how you know your person, love them, want to be with them, but at the same time allow them to be themselves, know them and how to be there for them on their terms, not yours.

JK wasn't being abrasive, he wasn't mocking JM or being uncaring. Quite the opposite.

While leaving JM to take the medication - well, to decide if to or not, he did what he can do - JK being a man of action. He went and built the stone tower. An unusually tall one.

And even if we don't know what his own wish was, seeing his remark to JM to make his wish, we can really kind of guess what it was!!!

[021894s]

— 18 I wish it was easier.. [1.5k w]

MASTERLIST | PREV | NEXT

PAIRING: brothers bsf! sunghoon x f!reader

WARNINGS: language, mentions of oral sex

AUTHORS NOTE: it’s looking up for y/n and sunghoon!!

your heart raced as you quietly slipped back into your room, the sound of your friends' voices drifting up from downstairs. you quickly sent a text to Sunghoon: "You go down first, I’ll leave the shower running so they don’t think anything." almost immediately, you received a simple "ok" in response. you could hear Sunghoon's footsteps as he descended the stairs to greet everyone.

"Hey guys, how was hiking?" Sunghoon's voice carried up to your ears, a mix of casualness and slight nervousness.

Saerom was the first to respond, her tone exasperated. "Horrible. I should’ve stayed home and slept."

Heeseung laughed, "Quit being dramatic! I had a great time."

Niki chimed in with a teasing grin, "Heeseung screamed like a little girl when he saw a snake."

The group burst into laughter, Heeseung trying to defend himself amidst the teasing. Saerom then asked, "Where’s Y/Nnie?"

Sunghoon, a bit nervous, rubbed the back of his neck. "I heard the shower running."

No one seemed to read too much into it. After a few more minutes, you came down the stairs, more giddy than usual, not that you were aware. "Hi guys!!" you greeted, your voice a bit too cheerful.

Sunoo gave you a skeptical look, "Ew, why are you so happy?"

"Oh, um, I just slept really good!" you replied, trying to sound natura.

you glanced over to see Jaemin and Ningning in their own little world, giggling about who knows what. unbeknownst to you , they had hit it off pretty well during their time away from you and sunghoon. not that you cared, jaemin was just a cover up anyway. you realized how messed up that sounded, but it was true.

Everyone went back to their activities. The three youngest settled on the couch to watch a movie, while the guys headed to the kitchen to start preparing lunch. saerom approached you, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you into her room.

"Are you okay?" you tell her, a bit taken aback by her sudden actions

“you dirty whore!” , she blurts out

Confusion clouded your mind "You slept with him, huh?!"

heat rushed to your face, avoiding her gaze "oh my god, you did." saerom gasped, "shh, keep it down... but yes."

Her shock was palpable. "We ran into each other in the kitchen, and things just escalated."

Saerom's face twisted in disgust. "In the kitchen? y/n , they're making our lunch on that counter as we speak..."

"Well, when you put it that way..." you trail off, feeling a bit flustered.

Saerom rolls her eyes and says, "I'll be skipping lunch, thank you very much."

You can't help but roll your eyes in response. Then, Saerom speaks up again, "So, how was it?"

You reply with a small smile, "Somehow even better than the first? Which doesn't even make sense because it was so rushed."

Saerom smirks and says, "First of all, ew. Second of all, it's probably the circumstances under which it happened. I mean, the first time you guys had no prior encounters and you didn't know what to expect. This time around you knew what it felt like and it's like you've been longing for it. It makes sense."

“yeah, i guess so..” you admit then add with a sigh “i didn’t get to finish tho”

saerom dramatically gasps “he didn’t make you cum??? oh girl…”

you let out a laugh at your honesty “no i mean i was blowing him in the shower when we heard the door open” you hear another gasp “oh my god i’m never gonna look at you the same ever again”.

you and saerom snicker when she all of a sudden lets out a “so what now?”.

“in all honesty i’m not sure. we’ll have to talk it out but it’s not like there’s many places it could go, I really don’t want to hurt heeseung” you explain to her the complexity of your newfound feelings.

“well for what it’s worth you guys can talk it out with him? seung is understanding and he loves you both. who’s to say he won’t accept it?”

a sigh leaves your lips “yeah i guess so… but I don’t wanna think about that right now. I just wanna enjoy our last day before going back home”.

saerom smiles at you, getting up from the bed and side hugging you, opening the door to enter the living space once again. you’re met with everyone in pretty much the same positions as you left them but food has started to gather around the table. you didn’t realize how hungry you were until the aroma filled your nostrils. after all sunghoon did distract you from the breakfast you had made yourself earlier.

everyone takes their seats at the table, you're sitting across from sunghoon. the chatter and clinking of utensils fill the air, but all you can focus on is the subtle tension between you two. It's the kind of tension that's almost electric, the kind that nobody else seems to notice but the two of you.

sunghoon glances up from his plate, his eyes meeting yours for a brief moment before he quickly looks away, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. you feel your heart skip a beat and you can't help but smile back, even though you're trying to keep it cool.

you take a bite of your lunch, trying to act natural, but every time you look up, you catch sunghoon's gaze again. It's like a silent conversation, a dance of glances and shy smiles that only the two of you understand.

Across the table, your friends are oblivious, caught up in their own conversations. You steal another glance at Sunghoon, and this time, he holds your gaze a little longer, his eyes sparkling with a mix of amusement and something else you can't quite place. You feel a warm flush creep up your cheeks and quickly look down at your plate, hoping nobody else notices.

the moment is filled with laughter and chatter, but for you and sunghoon, it's like you're in your own little world, sharing a secret that nobody else can see.

“ningning and I are leaving early” jaemins voice cuts your little moment short. everyone turns to face the pair. heeseung is the first to speak “like.. together?”.

“well, yeah” ningning answers his question. “what about those two?” jake turns to you and sunghoon, both a little unsure of how to react to the situation. “sunghoon and I aren’t exclusive, neither are y/n and jaemin. we hit it off pretty well this morning so we’d like to see where it leads” everyone is left a little speechless and confused, not that you not sunghoon cared tho.

“aw well good luck guys” you wish them across the table, causing a confused glance from heeseung “you’re ok with this? you guys were all over each other yesterday”.

“well that was yesterday. you guys have fun!.” you answer. “sunghoon?” heeseung directs his attention to him. “i mean ningning is right we aren’t exclusive so”.

“you guys worry me” heeseung states, laughter erupting from the table. who would’ve know your little revenge scheme would end up working in their favor?

the rest of the day is spent enjoying the pool, taking in the final moments of your camping trip before having to go back to your daily routines.

The sun is beginning to set, casting a golden hue over the pool area, everyone else made their way inside, deciding to wash up and call it a night. you and sunghoon are floating lazily on inflatable loungers, the water gently rocking you back and forth. the evening air is warm, and the sky is painted with shades of pink and orange.

sunghoon turns his head to look at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "This is nice, isn't it?"

you nod, feeling completely at ease. "Yeah, it really is."

a comfortable silence falls between you, the only sounds being the gentle lapping of the water and the distant chirping of birds. after a while, sunghoon speaks up again, his voice barely above a whisper.

"tou know, I've been thinking a lot lately," he says, his eyes focused on the sky above. "About us."

you feel your heart skip a beat. "What about us?"

he hesitates for a moment before turning to face you, his expression serious but tender. "I just... I really value our time together. You mean a lot to me."

You can feel the sincerity in his words, and it makes your heart swell with emotion. "You mean a lot to me too, sunghoon."

He reaches out, his hand finding yours in the water. The touch is gentle, but it sends a wave of warmth through you. "I wish it was easier" he says softly.

You squeeze his hand, a smile spreading across your face. “me too”

the sun dips below the horizon, casting the pool in a soft twilight, you and Sunghoon float there, hand in hand. The world around you fades away, leaving just the two of you and the unspoken promise of something more.

taglist: @cornenhapovs @myjaeyuns @magssu @leeknowsgfsblog @jentlecoeur @heeslut4life @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @jaeyungxrl @rapmonie2047 @anormieee @nishislcve @leesura @en-happiness @kimsunoops @heelariously @rikiwaify-blog @ihrtgyuuu @purennn @hoonharem @g0niki @hearts4itoshi @yongbokified @shuichi-sama @xiaoderrrr @hongshuaknow @skylalyla @yzzyhee @jwnghyuns @seokseokjinkim @syzavxy @xrvrqs @soulvrrs @velvetkisscs @ak-aa-li @eneiyri @starlvcieszsq @meowmeowjang @hanhaeji @moonlighthoon @gaylilseokie @seunghancore @heelovesmeknot @nyfwyeonjun @kookify @jayhoonvroom @heesminee3 @charlizefaye @mooniikay @ccrriiied @nikiswifiee @heemilktea @yorukoshii @sumzysworld @glxzillx

[turtlesandfrogs]

Started the day by reading this article from the NY times, and I'm frankly, disturbed.

Some highlights:

"For decades, farmers across America have been encouraged by the federal government to spread municipal sewage on millions of acres of farmland as fertilizer. It was rich in nutrients, and it helped keep the sludge out of landfills."

Which I knew, and I knew that there were concerns about contaminants from like, the medications people were on. But human waste is part of the nutrient cycle, and it always made sense to me that it should be throughly composted and returned to agricultural lands, and I assumed that people in general were taking the steps necessary to make it safe.

But here's what I didn't know:

"The 1972 Clean Water Act had required industrial plants to start sending their wastewater to treatment plants instead of releasing it into rivers and streams, which was a win for the environment but also produced vast new quantities of sludge that had to go somewhere."

Which, yay, no longer polluting bodies of water, but now that means we're applying industrial waste water to agricultural lands. And have been since 1972. Which leads to this situation, among many others, I'm sure:

"The sludge that allegedly contaminated the Colemans’ farm came from the City of Fort Worth water district, which treats sewage from more than 1.2 million people, city records show. Its facility also accepts effluent from industries including aerospace, defense, oil and gas, and auto manufacturing. Synagro takes the sludge and treats it (though not for PFAS, as it’s not required by law) then distributes it as fertilizer."

So here's what some states are doing:

"In Michigan, among the first states to investigate the chemicals in sludge fertilizer, officials shut down one farm where tests found particularly high concentrations in the soil and in cattle that grazed on the land. This year, the state prohibited the property from ever again being used for agriculture. Michigan hasn’t conducted widespread testing at other farms, partly out of concern for the economic effects on its agriculture industry.

In 2022, Maine banned the use of sewage sludge on agricultural fields. It was the first state to do so and is the only state to systematically test farms for the chemicals. Investigators have found contamination on at least 68 of the more than 100 farms checked so far, with some 1,000 sites still to be tested.

“Investigating PFAS is like opening Pandora’s box,” said Nancy McBrady, deputy commissioner of Maine’s Department of Agriculture."

This is fun:

"The E.P.A. is currently studying the risks posed by PFAS in sludge fertilizer (which the industry calls biosolids) to determine if new rules are necessary.

The agency continues to promote its use on cropland, though elsewhere it has started to take action. In April, it ordered utilities to slash PFAS levels in drinking water to near zero and designated two types of the chemical as hazardous substances that must be cleaned up by polluters. The agency now says there is no safe level of PFAS for humans...

It’s difficult to know how much fertilizer sludge is used nationwide, and E.P.A. data is incomplete. The fertilizer industry says more than 2 million dry tons were used on 4.6 million acres of farmland in 2018. And it estimates that farmers have obtained permits to use sewage sludge on nearly 70 million acres, or about a fifth of all U.S. agricultural land."

There's more, but I wanted to condense it at least a little bit. I am glad we're raising awareness, and I'm glad we're starting to regular the amount in our drinking water, and I hope that we'll find a way to actually deal with PFAS. I am so frustrated that people are exposed in the first place, and in nigh inescapable ways.

Also, to all those people who were like, oh, organic isn't at all healthier for consumers? Guess what the organic standards don't allow to be applied?

[oatlystrawberryicecream]

the way that some people talk about jason and batman and the joker is so jarring to me because it relies on some unspoken assumptions that i will never buy into

1. the assumption that taking a life inevitably always makes the person who did it worse. killing someone isn’t always this earth shattering thing that harms the person who does it and fundamentally changes their outlook on things. i guess if you have never met a veteran or someone who survived an armed robbery or any number of other things you might make that mistake, but like some of the people who fought in wwii came home and were normal members of the community and the times that their bullets hit the mark were not necessarily the parts of the war that kept them up at night. these assumptions that once you kill you are wicked and have to feel bad and do this whole show of repentance are insidious. if you are gonna look at all this through the lens of christian morality you should at least be aware that that is what you are doing but you cant have just one character be wicked and unclean because of his actions when the bible says that everyone is wicked and unclean by our nature and all sins are equal. a lot of people object to that view but if thats how you see it batman and jason and the joker are all sinners and are all as bad as each other so at least be consistant about how you apply that moral framework.

2. the assumption that being robin or being taken in and trained by bruce means full agreement with and acceptance of every part of bruce’s personal philosophy on justice and morality. jason was a homeless child and even if all this was explicitly laid out for him he could not have agreed since he needed bruce as a matter of survival. bruce’s ideology is extremely important to him and he can teach it to his children all he wants but they are not beholden to it above all else the way he thinks they should be. jason has to live according to his own beliefs regardless of how unacceptable bruce finds it and it is unfair and hypocritical of bruce to get bent out of shape about it.

3. the assumption that killing is always bad. maybe i have listened to too many episodes of behind the bastards but some people will do significant and appalling damage to others no matter what unless they are dead. those people can’t be allowed to keep causing harm. it isn’t glorious and there is no honor about it but it is right and just that they be stopped. there is no reason to strive for purity or ideological high ground when you can provide a measure of safety and justice to victims and prevent future harm instead.

4. the assumption that bruce didn’t have to answer to jason. parents have a duty to their children and it is my opinion that that duty does not end when the child dies. bruce adopted jason and made himself responsible and accountable for everything that happened to jason under his care. that responsibility was ignored over many instances. i am not going to detail the things that led to jason’s death here but it was not good or effective parenting. after jason’s death the disrespect starts pretty immediately with bruce compromising evidence of his murder in order to preserve his ability to continue as batman and continues with bruce getting rid of pretty much all traces of jason’s presence in his life. he is only spoken of as a mistake, a lost cause, or a cautionary tale and is assigned blame for his own death, a death that batman never bothered to fully investigate since he was buried next to the woman who led him into the trap. a new kid is endangered and the joker and batman both continue doing whatever they want as if jason’s life only matters for the way it affects them. bruce needs to answer for all of this, as his son jason has a right to expect more from his father. now the extent to which that extends can be debated but it is clear to me that jason deserved better from bruce.

conclusion: killing is accepted in society in certain circumstances, you may or may not agree with this but self defense laws and even things like jury nullification exist because people knew there should be some wiggle room since no one could have the full context of every situation that would ever arise. ending a life is not normal or ideal but it is not an unfathomably rare experience and it does not always weigh on the person who does it. bruce has never to my knowledge killed someone so he has no idea how he would actually respond but that still isn’t even what jason was asking him to do. all he had to do was be present and not move and he would have been the only parental figure who didn’t let jason down.

[mncxbe]

Can I request Dazai, Ranpo and Chuuya with a s/o that’s never been in a fully healthy and loving relationship so they sometimes get confused or shocked by the bare minimum? Like if they say they care about their consent for anything they’re like “Wait you what?- you do? Fr?” Or if they say smth they can do they go “Wait I’m allowed to do that?”

Totally not self projecting

sure dear omg this is lowkey so sweet. hope you like it♡♡

// also tysm for 400 followers hihi♡♡ love you all

°☆●

Kintsugi

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐, 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒖𝒚𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ light angst maybe?

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

he probably figures it out during the first weeks of the relationship

asks lots of rethorical questions and lowkey pushes you into telling him all about it (he just needs to know) but he doesn't actually force you to tell

"Bella, you know I'd never do or say such things to you. Your exes just weren't real men, aight? Didn't know how to handle a beauty like you" (he thinks he's a smooth talker fr)

super kind to you overall; he'll pay attention not to be toxic to you

"Wanna play a game, bella?" Dazai cooed, curling on the couch next to you.

You carefully set down the cup of honeyed tea you were drinking and scooted closer to him, a wide smile stretching your lips.

"Sure. What do you have in mind."

"How about a game to get to know each other better? We ask questions and the other one answers. I'll even let you go first my sweet." he said with a wink.

"Um... ok?" you said reluctantly "Cats or dogs?"

"Cats. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?" he asked playfully.

"Hm... probably figs. Figs would be nice"

This little game of yours went on for around twenty minutes until your boyfriend finally decided to ask you a more serious question.

"What's the worst relationship you've ever had?"

Although he asked that question in a lighthearted tone, there was a hint of urgency to it. Seeing the blank expression on your face, Dazai added:

"It's been weighing on my mind for a while now."

"Well... I gotta say all my exes were kinda shitty. I've never actually been in a healthy relationship and the worst part is that I didn't even know they were unhealthy at that time." A light chuckle rolled off your lips as you reached for your cup and took a small sip. "You see, I didn't wanna tell you about this. I assumes it would be a burden"

Dazai's eyes softened upon hearing your statement. "Bella" he began, taking your hand in his "Nothing that you do or say will ever be a burden to me."

"Alright then" you replied with a sheepish smile "Then I guess I could tell you"

And then you did. You told him everything you've been through: your first ex who never let you go out of the house without him because he thought you'd cheat on him, your second who always made you cook dinner for him because "that's what a real woman would do" and the last one, who constantly brought his friends over although he knew how shitty they were with you. As he listened to you tell your story, his thumb gently brushed over the soft skin on back of your hand. It did hurt to hear what you've been through, but what pained him most was the fact that you didn't think he'd understand and accept your trauma.

When you were finally done talking, a deep silence fell between the two of you.

"You know I'd never treat you like that?" he eventually said.

You gave a small nod "I know. I just... I guess I'm not used to healthy relationships."

Dazai's arm snaked over your shoulders as he pulled you in a gentle hug; your head coming to rest on his chest. He simply placed a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

"In that case I'm honoured to be the one to teach you what love should be like"

𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐

he probably knows from the start

it was the little things: the ways you'd always ask him if you're allowed to do certain things, the fact that you were always so aware of all his moods and actions

so yea, he figured it out

doesn't force you to talk about your exes tho, he'll wait for you to open up or ask you casually

so supportive fr; reassures you that he'll never do something like that

"Y/N you deserve the best really. And lucky for you I'm the best"

protect him at all costs fr♡

Your boyfriend's ultra deduction was something that never ceased to amaze you; but still you didn't expect him to catch on so fast on the fact that you have never been treated right in a relationship before.

When he finally called you out on it all you could do was look him dead in the eyes; your fingers fumbling with a loose string on the cuffs of your hoodie.

"So?" he asked again, pouting.

"Yea, you're right. I've never had a healthy relationship"

"I knew it!" he exclaimed but immediately regained his composure when he realised this wasn't something he should be happy about.

"Look, sugar. I won't force you to tell me anything about it but just know that I'm not like them."

"I know Ranpo my sweet but-"

"Nuh uh" he interrupted, pressing his index fingers against your lips to shush you "Let me finish. First off, you're allowed to go out with your friends whenever you want to. Just text me from time to time so I know you're safe. Second off, please tell me if I'm ever crossing your boundaries. And third stop apologising for every single thing you do, ok? It's not a good habit"

"I know I'm sorry but-"

Ranpo raised a brow and smiled lightly "What did I just say love?"

You took a deep breath in and returned the smile "No apologies, noted." After a minute of silence you eventually spoke again, this time with more confidence "Thank you dear. For being so patient and understanding with me. Maybe one day I'll tell you about my exes, I want you to know. But I don't wanna let the past affect us."

"And it doesn't, my sweet. Did you forget?" he giggled, flashing you his signature smirk. "I'm the best boyfriend ever. Nothing could ever determine me to see you as less than perfect."

You suddenly leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips; the saccharine gesture taking him by surprise.

"I'm so happy I'm with you Ranpo. You make me happy." you beamed and the detective felt his heart melting. His entire body felt like pudding, a soft, mushy mess. This was the effect you always had on him.

Your boyfriend hugged your waist and burried his head in your chest as your fingers combed through his dark locks.

"I'll do my best to be worthy of you" you said after a while.

And Ranpo only nodded, smiling against your chest. His slender fingers found yours and loosely intertwined with them "You already are, sugar."

𝑪𝒉ū𝒚𝒂

"What? What do you mean if I let you go out with your friends tonight?"

he's so confused fr; doesn't understand why you ask such questions

such a sweet boy fr

at first he doesn't realise why you're so moved by every small thing he does, but after you tell him about your past relationships... oof

you know he's gonna threaten to kill those guys🫡

he's even more gentle with you now and reassures you that you're worthy of a good man (he's talking about himself hehe) and that he'll treat you well♡

literally the definition of "You can wear whatever you want. I can fight."

JUST BECAUSE FLOWERS🌹

It was around 8:30 p.m when you heard the door open, announcing the arrival of your partner; you quickly discarded the fluffy blanket you were wrapped in and tip-toed to the hallway.

"Chuu. Let me tell you what happened today you won't believe it!" you said excitedly as you turned the corner and... you stopped dead in your tracks.

There he was; Chuuya Nakahara, your beloved boyfriend, holding a bouquet in his arms. Honeysuckles, milesii irises and golden daylilies perfectly wrapped in a coffee coloured craft paper with drawings of the Eiffel tower and French bistors. 'La vie est belle', it read.

"Hey honey. Sorry I'm so late tonight but I stopped to get this for you." he said casually as he handed you the flowers.

You took the bouquet from his hands and held it to your chest, breathing in the sweet, fresh scent of the blossoms. Chuuya must've noticed the disdained look on your face for he came closer to you, gently placing an arm on your shoulder.

"My love are you ok? Do you not like the flowers or..."

Suddenly you burst into tears, a wide smile rising to your lips. "No Chuu I love them. I love them so much thank you I just-" you stammered, choking on your tears. "I just never got flowers before."

Chuya's heart sank upon hearing your words, a wave of sadness washing over him. "My sweet love." he began, his calloused hands gingerly cupping your tear stained cheeks. "You deserve all the flowers in the world."

His words only made you cry harder. Both of you were smiling, gazing into each others' eyes; from time to time Chuuya wiped away a pearly tear that streamed down your face with his thumb. Between you the flowers were getting squished but neither of you could care less.

"You're a silly girl, you know? Crying over something like this." he said playfully, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Oh shut it" you replied in the same tone as you kissed him on the cheek.

Your boyfriend took the flowers from your arms and carefully placed them on the counter before pulling you in a tight hug; he breathed in your scent and God, you were even sweeter than the blossoms.

"You know I'll give you everything you want and more darling." he said in a hushed voice, causing you to sob quietly.

He let you cry for a while, whispering sweet nothings and caressing your hair until you finally calmed down.

"I'm sorry Chuu. That was embarassing" you chuckled lightly but your boyfriend didn't miss the hint of guilt in your voice.

"Not at all, silly." he said, pullng away. "I know we've talked about this before, the way your past relationships impact our own and I wanna remind you that it's ok if you react like this. To be honest you're cute when you get so worked up over my little gifts"

"Hey don't tease me" you cried out, wiping away the last tear from your reddened cheeks. "Or I'll cry again"

"Now we can't have that, can we?" he replied as he slid an arm around your waist. "Let's put those flowers in a vase and get you a glass of water. I think you need it love."

A smile rose to your lips as you looked at him, chest swelling with love and pride "Yea. I think I do, love."

[ariesmoontarot]

♡Come into the Light♡

This reading is to help you gain clarity on what you aren't seeing, understanding, or accepting.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴:

𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘛𝘰 𝘉𝘰𝘰𝘬:

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘖𝘯𝘦:

Hey pile one. What you aren’t seeing right now is that things are a bit unstable and you are feeling insecure about your relationships and family life because of a lack of financial support or stability. I see that you are feeling unaccomplished and like you do not have enough of what it takes in some way. Some of you could be feeling insecure about many things. I feel like there is someone who is creative, rational, and idealistic about their endeavors and what they set their mind to and they are someone who is going to help you overcome what you are feeling right now. You might be feeling scared to take action or make any decisions because of your fears and I feel like being impulsive and risky isn’t the way to go about things at this time. If you’ve been feeling very possessive or holding onto control in some way, I feel like the best thing to do is let go and surrender to change. Accept things for what they are in this moment and only focus on what you can control, especially financially & romantically. Be patient and perseverant at this time. I feel like whatever imbalance and instability you are dealing with is only temporary and is going to soon be restored. Learning from your past decisions and choices is going to help you navigate your way making decisions moving forward and you are aware that these old, impulsive, immature ways of doing things isn’t the way to do them forever. I feel like you may be in fear of taking any action or making serious decisions in a situation because of the past, and it’s leaving you feeling indecisive. I see that you’re second guessing your thoughts because things did not go as well before, so you’re trying to listen deeply to how you feel. You are healing from betrayal and a heavy feeling of disappointment for others of you. I feel like listening to others peoples ideas and opinions may help you gain some hindsight over your feelings. You are feeling a little apathetic and unhappy because of secrets or painful realizations you may have had and I feel like you aren’t seeing how your attitude is affecting opportunities you have in this very moment. Things are moving gradually at their own pace and it’s the type of progress that lasts long term. I feel like you are having a hard time seeing how things actually are progressing, I see that it’s because it’s happening in energy first, beneath the surface of what you can physically see. You have to allow yourself to feel open and optimistic. Allow new feelings to flow through you instead of focusing on disappointment and sadness. You are not a failure, and your relationships and goals aren’t going to be the way that they were forever. It’s all about your perception and how you choose to see things, especially when they seem challenging. Ask yourself if the challenge or situation that’s happened is actually negative or if there can be a positive result. Ask yourself if you can find a way to turn the situation into something you can use as fuel and motivation, instead of discouragement. I feel like what you’ve been trying to build and invest your time and energy in is going to pay off soon enough. You may not see it in this moment but it’s happening. Allow yourself to let go of any fear and negative emotions that are weighing you down and keeping you in an unhappy place. You don’t have to be sad forever. You can let go of control and allow things to flow more freely. Allow yourself to be happy even when you feel like you don’t have all the things you want. I feel like for a lot of you, there is a relationship you really want to work out and emotional immaturity is getting in the way of you being able to fully open up and feel confident in this connection. I feel like you’re feeling discouragement because of pain you’ve experienced in terms of love. The best thing to do right now is to keep focusing on moving forward mentally. You don’t have to replay the past in your mind. If you’re focusing on positive things, this will create feelings of optimism and joy rather than wanting to just sit and sulk in your sadness.

Positive things are happening for you, but you have to trust that they are. It is safe to love and be yourself. It may take you time to open up, but trying makes the biggest difference. I feel like the love and joy is going to be reciprocated. Even when you least expect it to be. I also see that in your career positive changes are coming and already happening in this moment. Try to approach things with more excitement and enthusiasm.

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘛𝘸𝘰:

Hey pile two. I feel like you want to walk away from something you feel like isn't serving you anymore. You could feel happiness exists elsewhere or that you just aren't happy in this situation. I feel like right now you feel tired and not wanting to fight for what you want anymore. It's this energy of you just giving up and maybe even being a bit non-compliant. I feel like this is because you are holding onto past experiences. Maybe you're feeling stuck in the past, overthinking, and having a hard time moving on from what happened. I feel like there is a truth that was revealed to you a while back and it's something you are still holding onto in this moment. I see you are trying to balance out your energy with more productive things, but it's been difficult for you. You've been pushed to have patience, and I feel like that is good for you right now. Especially because you're working through things you are having a hard time with leaving in the past. There is no need to rush. I see an opportunity is presenting itself to you and this is something you've been wanting for a long time. I feel like this is what you're ready to walk away from, but just when you feel like giving up, I see something happening unexpectedly for you. I feel like for a lot of you, you've been overwhelmed by things that are outside of your control and I feel like an important message for you is to be brave. Have confidence and face these hard times head on. Try your best not to be pessimistic and unenthusiastic. I feel like self-criticism and self-doubt holds you back from growing in the way that you know you need to. Maybe even other people's opinions and what they've done or said to you has gotten the best of you as well. Try your best to block these negative things out and use it to better yourself instead. It's always easier said than done, but you need more compassion towards yourself. Love and nurture you in the ways you love and care for others. For those of you who have been wanting a long-term relationship with someone who is genuine and not super high maintenance, I see this coming in for you. You may love the simple things and being able to just be real with someone and all that materialistic, superficial stuff does not serve you. I feel like some of you met someone unexpectedly and you never knew things would ever go the way they did with them. You may have not even expected to feel as deeply as you do towards them, but you do. Things are a bit of a mystery for you right now, but you are going to be seeing much clearer very soon.

𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦:

Hello pile three! I see multiple people in your energy. I feel like you're carrying this burden right now that feels overwhelming and it could be responsibilities, feelings, literally other people's energy, or whatever could be draining you right now. I see you've been dealing with some trouble in relationships (familial, platonic, romantic), finances, or in terms of your career and work. I feel like you've expressed how overwhelmed and exhausted you are to someone you trust; however, you still feel burnt out. I feel like you're letting go of bad habits, addictions, fears, and anything that keeps you in an egotistical energy. Things feel stagnant and a bit hard to understand right now because there are so many things clouding your perception you don't really know what is good and what isn't or what's temporary or long term. Especially in terms of love and friendships. I feel like you have options or multiple people you are feeling for, and you don't really understand your feelings for them or what they mean. I feel like right now you're just in a phase of your life where you're still figuring out what you need and what's best for you, so of course there are going to be many options and things to choose from generally speaking. Right now, isn't necessarily the time to act on any impulses or emotions. I feel like some of you have been trying to escape your feelings and you may be feeling all over the place emotionally. There is something you are trying to ignore emotionally, and it obviously does not feel good. It could literally be what's draining you. You could be giving time and energy to people who don't benefit you and you know it's time to change, but you ignore it. I feel like this attitude and way of living is not going to benefit you in any way. It could be that you're in your ego and pride is blocking you from accepting how you feel and not resisting it anymore. I feel like you resist it by continuing to do things in order to distract yourself, instead of actually facing it. You have been hurt many times, but you cannot control how you feel by avoiding it. You can only control the way you perceive things, who you allow to influence you, and the decisions you make. Maybe spend time alone, not allowing others to interfere with your growth. You don't have to give yourself to everyone who comes to you. Set emotional boundaries with yourself and others. Things are hard right now, but they won't be forever, this is only temporary. You are not obligated to be there for everyone, even if you love them. Loving can sometimes become detrimental to our own health in draining situations. At times we may feel like our love ties us to a specific thing or person, but be aware that it does not. We must be selective and wise when it comes to who what really invest our time and energy in. Things are going to get better when you allow them to. Have faith and trust that no matter who or what you let go of, life is going to get better. Even if you feel like it could never ever get better for you, it will!!

[threepandas]

Bad End: Winter's Victory

Cigarettes in this world were different. Odd, I guess. I had never really paid attention to the smell of cigarette smoke, before I ended up here, but I knew it hadn't been? Exactly... well, pleasant? I guess? Not to say that all the ones that existed here WERE, mind you. It was still smokey. The cheap ones an overwhelming incense. They called it "stepping out to pray" for a reason. You ended up smelling like you spent hours in a temple during prayer.

But the smell that lingered here? Clung delicately to cloth and the walls? It was more of a... warm spice. I could never place which ones. There was, yes, a smokey undertone, but? It more or less added to the complex almost taste scent of spices and tea. Dark and rich. Lingering. The sort of thing that takes time to develop.

The entire house was like that. Well, compound really. Austere and ageless, time did not seem to touch the inside of these walls. Did not seem to dare try. It was a blessed relief. A place of respite. All soft, dream-like edges and beautiful gardens. Meandering halls and tasteful, understated art. Peaceful company. Good food and tea.

A lingering smell of smokey spices.

My sister was up to her Protagonist shit again. It was... exhausting. I knew, intellectually, I should be back home. Playing my part. The ever supportive Big Sister archetype. Endlessly kind. Endlessly patient. Supportive to a fault. Smiling and smiling no matter WHAT bullshit nonsense that child pulls. No matter HOW she shames our house or causes trouble I must undo.

But honestly? I can't. I just... can't.

The idiotic little shit SLAPPED A PRINCE. Thank the heavens it wasn't one of the Emperors favorite sons or we'd all be dead, but still! Who the fresh hell taught her that was acceptable?! No. Just.... No.

Let Father deal with this for once. If he insists on spoiling and infantilizing that child? HE can reap the rewards. Her MOTHER can parent for once, instead of sitting around being generically "perfect". I am not there. This is beyond my pay grade. Frankly? I don't even HAVE the power to smooth this over. I could, technically. But not at any cost I'm willing to PAY.

Not for my sister's "she not like other girls", "oh? How interesting", fucking MOMENT.

No WONDER the Elder Sister character disappears in the later half of the royal route, only to turn back up in the palace. She's a freaking Consort! To a letch! Powerful one, yes. But STILL! And all just to protect a sister who not only doesn't notice? But doesn't even attend her wedding?

No.

ABSOLUTELY Not.

I lift the (frankly beautiful) cup of tea I was served to drink while I wait. Breathe in it's rich, soothing scent. Let the steam curl against my face as I stare out the open sliding doors at the fall garden. It borders on too cold for this... but not quite.

The tea is warm. The snacks are warm. I was brought a beautifully embroidered blanket to rest across my lap. Have a robe draped over my shoulders. It is... meditative, almost. Just me and the quiet sigh of vibrant leaves on the breeze. The world muffled. Warm dispite the cold. Ah... the garden really is... so beautiful....

I let it soothe me. Drain away my anger and frustration at the world. Running water, birds in the trees, insects. The silence is so wonderfully full. Alive. I have to keep my mind from bitterly comparing it to constant dramatics filled mess of the gardens at home. Focus on the here and now. This is NICE. Focus on this.

Quiet, near silent footsteps approach. Gait even and steady. Most men his age meander or shuffle, but like the home he keeps? Kaito seems almost untouchable by time. As though not even the Gods dare. I honestly don't blame them. He can be quite commanding when he wishes. Good thing he's rather laid back.

"Come to escape the treasonous?" A modulated voice teases. Wry and dry as salt mines. "Your fool sister is aware that actions have consequences, yes? Or has that idiot father finally succeeded in spoiling her back into infancy? Traditionally, we do not let such young children wander."

Kaito's voice isn't terribly high or husky and low. It is... smooth. Controlled. Like running your fingers across fine fabric. I could honestly listen to him read a phone book and be pleased. He would have made a killing as a voice actor, in my first life. Or reading audio books. Something.

"No retort? Witty defense? Oh dear. You are exhausted, aren't you, my friend?" He noted, dropping the teasing edge. Stepping inside the viewing room and calmly sliding the door shut behind him, I could almost feel him observing me. "When was the last time you slept? Properly. You're a mess, my friend, look utterly exhausted. Has it become that bad?"

Worse actually. They keep doubling down. Doing stupid "girl power!!!1!", poorly thought out, works in a 21th century DEMOCRACY but sure as shit NOT HERE, so called "power moves". I was? So, so fucking tired. Legitimately scared for the servants at this point. Because, honestly? Let stupid reap it's own reward. I TRIED. I was dismissed and ignored. Taken for granted.

Accused of JEALOUSY!

Like? Oh, HELL NO. I know exactly where THAT train of thought ends. I've read enough of the Genre to cut THAT shit off at the pass. Not Today, Satan!

So? Fuck um. I Tried. But I REFUSE to set myself ablaze to keep the ungrateful warm. Especially when they have both coats and just want to roast marshmallows. But... the SERVANTS? They are innocent. Wrong house, shit masters. Half are basically indentured! Much to my outrage.

We HAVE the funds to pay them better. But do I control those funds? Dispite doing ALL THE WORK? Managing the House? No. Of course not. THAT would be Protagonist's mother. And we really need that money for more jewelry and pretty outfits for her daughter. Fuck the household, I guess.

Things are... likely to get bad.

Because I have made the painful, painful choice? To let GO.

I can't keep holding up the house. I am NOT Atlas. Was not granted a second chance, just to throw it away. But at the same time? The servants. Not the enabling, vindictive, lapdogs that circle my family like vultures. The ACTUAL servants. Gardeners, cooks, maids. The no one's that they will not remember.

Somebody has to protect THEM. It must be me. Or no one else WILL.

I'm hoping Kaito will help.

Please, heavens, let this be enough to help. Then... THEN I can figure out how to protect myself. Hopefully. Maybe. Though I am probably running quickly out of time.

"Dear one, are you with me? You are drifting. I need you to come back. Focus on me. The sound of my voice. Can you hear me? Do you see the leaves? Focus on their color. See the reds and yellows beyond them. Like fire, is it not? Can you smell the tea? Dear one, what kind is it? Come here. Back to your body. That's right..."

Smooth and soothing. Closer then what felt like a blink ago. Huh. Yes. The leaves are quite lovely, aren't they? And... and this is red cliff, first harvest, right? Ah. I'm still so bad at telling certain types of tea apart. How mean. He knows this.

.....my brain feels mushy. But back in my body. I manage to scrounge up the edges of a smile. Gods, I am so tired. Worn so thin. But I... I can't rest. Not yet. Kaito kneels beside me, too dignified and reserved to show the full weight of his concern. But it practically howls from his body language. The sheer closeness he has allowed. I must have truely scared him there.

I would tease him, about using my notoriously bad memory of frankly near identical teas against me... but I just... just can't.

There isn't enough energy left in me. I think the soothing nature of his home, his company, has been my undoing. My brain has finally declared me safe enough to break down. Ha ha... perhaps that is why I've been avoiding coming here for so long. I knew I would break down. Would not want to leave.

Unspeakably rude of me.

"The rumors have not done the situation justice, it seems. You seem at your wits end. My dear, you cannot continue like this. Please, let me help. I realize it is overstepping any number of boundaries... but..." the weight of his concern; the words he was struggling to find, to phrase the unkind more palatably, hung between us. "Please, my friend. You are struggling. I can not bear it."

I felt exhausted tears well up. Days of being overwhelmed. Threatened on all sides. Wondering if today would be the day, that the royal gaurds kicked down our gates and executed us all. Struggling against the blindly arrogant and willful actions of my family. The very SAME family that treated me as more of a secretary then as any kind of kin.

Where would I be? If I had not met Kaito, all those years ago? Visiting his cousin, who was marrying a friend of my cousin. Even then, I was desperately trying to keep the name of our family from being filth. My father could not tear himself away from the whims of my sister or his pretty new wife. My grandmother somehow uncaring, tyrannical and doting, indulgent and yet strict.

I was the ONLY ONE who could and WOULD bother to represent us.

Was called frivolous and silly for it. For "seeking parties" to go "play at". As though it was not stressful. As though it was not far beyond my training and skills. Only the concerned eyes of cousins from other houses and guidance of matriarchs from BETTER houses, let me survive at ALL.

Grandmother still does not understand why she no longer gets invitations. Why her name is mud in the eyes of other elders. They did not take kindly, to her abandoning her granddaughter to do HER and HER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW'S job for them. But... there I was. Doing my best. Decorated like a little doll, uncomfortable and quite.

Kaito didn't even need to speak to me. Would never have approached such a nervous, unchaperoned child. Forget being simply a young unmarried girl. I was quite LITERALLY a girl. A child. He never would have so much a acknowledged my existence normally. It simply wasn't done. He was after all, an unmarried man of considerable power.

Still is.

But he needed to speak with his cousin. Who, quite rudely, would NOT take a hint. Too wrapped up in his new bride. Thus forcing Kaito to come over. Bless him, he still tried to politely ignore me. So as not to put pressure on a nervous child. But, once again, Cousin Dense As A Brick struck. Introduced us before merrily swanning off to go talk with friends, taking his wife, my cousin, and ONLY CHAPERONE with him.

We were both baffled and aghast. Horrified. It was the sort of gods awful that somehow found its way back around to being funny. Granted, only because we were in a highly visible location surround by other part goers. But still. Why don't you just? Pick me up and dump me in his LAP next? Good gods man.

Needless to say? The roasting was merciless and immediate. He escorted me to a friend of his. Terrifying woman. We had a grand time roasting terrible behavior and I learned SO MUCH. They were Hilarious. Clearly appreciated having an audience who could actually grasp their sense of humor. I left with letter buddies.

Acquaintances that became friends.

Kaito became my single BEST friend. A refuge, a mentor, a confidant. I trusted... TRUST, the man more then any single soul I've ever met. It helps, I guess, that he meets me where I AM not where he assumes I SHOULD be. Doesn't baby me. Infantalize me. Nor does he treat me in any way that would set off a "creep" alarm in my head. He's just... Kaito.

All cunning eyes and slight smiles, dry humor and cutting wit. Ever the rougish yet refined strategist. Bad boy of the highly polite. All the high court ladies still sigh over him.

Grey eyes that bordered on black filled my vision. That whisp of soft silver hair that never wanted to stay put, forever falling across his brow. My view of the garden cut off. When had he moved? Had I drifted back into my head again? It seemed so.

This close, I could not help but notice his eyelashes were still the rich dark of his youth. Few strands of silver yet touching his eyebrows. He'd had a beautiful shade of black hair it seems. It was rather striking....

A pinch on the back of my hand. Bright pain lancing through the fog. Kaito's hands cupped mine, kept me from jostling my cup. Stopping me from dropping now cold tea into my lap. Taking it from me gently, he set it aside. Thumb rubbing the skin he had abused. His face was apologetic.

"And that marks the second time you've drifted away on me, dear. I'm afraid I'm no longer asking. I'm will be helping. This is entirely unacceptable. What in the gods name have those idiots done to you?" His voice was soft. Attention focused on me. I felt... felt so very fragile.

Not weak. Fragile. Like glass under strain. Bones near their breaking point. That final support beam struggling with weight beyond its abilities to bear. He was treating me like I was wounded. Was I? Perhaps I was. I certainly felt that way.

I just... just wanted someone ELSE to take care of it all.

Just for a bit.

Was that so wrong?

I was TIRED. Felt the tears coming back. Here I was, coming to a dear friend, about to ask him to take on a burden for me. Risk enraged royalty just to protect the innocent. Being unspeakably emotional and RUDE. And I... and I... I just....

"Shhhhh. None of this. You've done so much. Have been so, so brave, my girl. No more. It's alright. I'm here. I'll take care of everything." He soothed. Soft and unbearably kind. All I could do was nod. Agree. "There we are, good girl. You'll stay here for now, all right? No more stressful journeys to that house. I'll send someone to gather your things. We can have everything dealt with after a rest."

His hands, boldly, came up to cup my cheeks. I found I didn't care. It felt nice. His palms warm and dry, gently cradling.

I wouldn't be able to stay. He knew that. I knew that. It simply WAS. We weren't related, weren't married. I had brought no chaperone. I... gods, I wanted too. Badly. But I couldn't. I just needed help with the servants. Told him as much. Words rambled disjointedly between us as I struggled to get them all out.

"Ah, but the solution then is simple, isn't it?" He said, looking almost amused. "You just need to marry me."

Blinking, the thought didn't quite process. My confusion clear enough on my face for him to continue.

"Every time I see you, you are suffering some fresh new indignity from that house. Some brand new insult. Isn't it better here? I know you enjoy it. The servants adore you. I adore you." The hands on my cheeks shifted, just slightly, barely daring to let their thumbs stroke just slightly."

"I would give you everything, dearest."

This... did not feel political. Nor some ploy to just protect the servants, offered by a dear friend. When... when had things changed? I knew for a fact, he held no such interests in me as a child. I'd seen him kill a man over the mere suspicion of such things. Yet... it's also not like I'd grown UP in front of him. We talked mostly over letters.

It was harder to remember my physical age through those. Since I didn't exactly talk or write like the child I had appeared. And talking to each other, being friends with each other, for going on a decade... certainly WAS a good foundation for a relationship, wasn't it? I didn't know any more. How old... how old even was I?

His hands were so warm.

Felt strong and reliable, cupping my face. A reserved and refined (if a bit mischievous), pillar of strength that I could finally lean on. Offering up a tempting dream world where I wouldn't have to think anymore. Wouldn't have to deal with troubles or reality. Just... just endless, beautiful, painting-like peace and serenity.

No more drama... ever again.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Didn't I deserve to rest?

Who else, really, could I even see myself marrying? Realistically? Some untested lout? Character suspect and temperament unknown? What prospects, what LOYALTY, could they even offer? Would they even respect my boundaries? Could they ever hope to match his knowledge of my likes and dislikes? Could... could I ever hope to TRUST them? Like I did, Kaito?

I felt my expression soften. Decided to be a little bold too. Leaning forward, I let my hands come up to lightly grip his arms. Still so corded with muscles. The man never did skip out on his training, be it archery or swordsmenship. My forhead rest lightly against his, that wayward strand tickling my skin just a bit. His breath smelled of those smokey spiced cigarettes while his skin, which I had never dared take note of, smelled of daily things.

He held so perfectly still, as though afraid to spook me. Seemed startled by my boldness. How cute~

I couldn't stop the grin if I tried.

"Yes, yes, mock the old man. Impertinent minx. So scandalous!" He teased, finally unfreezing after gathering his thoughts. That plotting spark back in his eyes. "Whatever shall I do? My guest takes advantage of me! Oh dear, oh no~ I fear for my honor! You will have to make an honest man of me, I'm afraid."

The laugh burst out of me, feeling a lot like relief. Gods, I'd missed this. Just... just sass and light hearted teasing. Droll humor and wit. No nightmare politics or angry royals. No trying to manage the unmanageable. Not responsible for any but myself. Yes... yes this was exactly what I needed, wasn't it?

Honestly? FUCK the Plot. FUCK the Protagonist and her nightmare social blunders! I was gonna get OUT of that house. Live for ME. Marry a nice, reliable man. Have a beautiful home. Maybe get some pets. Eat snacks! Laze about and enjoy the gardens! Have some gods damned PEACE for once! It sounded perfect.

I told Kaito there were no take backs. Congratulations on the terrible idea! I was HIS problem now. Have fun with your new, future in-laws!

Laughter was the best thing I'd felt in weeks. One of the maids I liked was already on standby and ready to lead me to a guest room. We bickered light heartedly, him groaning in exaggerated ways about his TERRIBLE fate of having to deal with IDIOTS! Oh, Darling, how COULD you?! Ha! Suffer.

It... gods, it was beautiful. Dreamlike. A perfect, story book solution to my woes.

Really, if I did not TRUST Kaito so much? I would have been suspicious.

But I did.

So I left with the maid, a smile on my face. Relieved. Happy. Engaged to a "good man". The most TRUSTWORTHY man I knew.

Thus, did not see, like a mask, his expression slide away. His open body language close off, like then slamming of a crypt door, locking the dead back inside. The warmth draining from the room as I left it, as though I had taken every trace with me. Leaving only the cold, cold THING behind. One that wore the face of a man.

A handsome man, yes, but an empty one.

One that was Not Pleased.

"I distinctly recall," his voice cutting the silence like an assassin slitting a throat, sudden and violent yet just as impersonal. "That I ordered her not to be bothered. For you to get rid of that... thing, in a timely manner."

Shadows dropped from the roof. Then too their knees. Kneeling, loyal unto death, before the one that commands them. Many are injured. They do not shake, for all that they have failed. Will likely die for it.

"Give me one good reason to let you live. A single one." The empire's spy master, the Winter Ghost, asks the room at large. Picking up his beloved's tea cup, considering it as he talks. He almost wants to destroy it. So no one else can ever use it. Touch it with their filthy hands. "Well?"

His assassins continue to kneel. Silent. There is no defense for their failure.

Three die instantly, the rest are not so lucky.

He decides to keep the cup.

Running his thumb along the rim where her mouth touched it, he steps out, closer to the garden and slides the door shut. It truely is a lovely view. Behind him, his servants behind the familiar work of cleaning up. Kneeling in the dirt before him, the next set of assassins.

"Let me make my self clear this time. I don't care how you do it, how painful or how slow, but they are to be gone by the time I am wed, understood? If that useless chit or her idiot father darken my door, you will long for the mercy that is death. Get out. And do not DARE fail me."

A quite chorus of confirmation, then like leaves... scattered on the wind.

He was named winter victory. For his mother's success in seizing control of her poor, late, husband's house. Born into the cold, it has always remained. Is it any suprise he covets warmth? In any form he can have it. Every form.

A pity though... that he won't be needing his plans.

She would have made a beautiful widow.

[leggerefiore]

I think itd be hilarious if reader was kidnapped by the evil team leaders only for them to realize reader has SEVERE stockholm syndrome

guessing this is a yandere request...? I added volo

cw: yandere, dark content, kidnapping, uh bad ending ig in a way lol

characters: Cyrus, Volo, Lysandre, Giovanni

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ There was nothing but immense shame over his actions on his mind. This was a pitiful submission to woeful human emotions – He wanted to be rid of them, yet the thought of you escaping him made his stomach churn painfully and left him with worse insomnia than he already faced. It was a sickness – A genuine physical ailment that plagued him. His actions were pitiful. He despised them. But, having you in his grasp eased the harsh feeling that ate at his heart otherwise. You were safe. All the irrational thoughts that had plagued his mind faded. He could close his eyes for but a moment and finally rest. When you awoke, he was certain there would be harsh reality to face, but for now, those sickening emotions – his disgusting spirit – were at ease. He swallowed. Something in him dared allow him the ability to lay at your side. Your presence alone was enough to lull him into the sweet confines of unconscious.

☄️ When he awoke, it was to a weight on top of him. His heavy eyes opened. His arms had wrapped around whatever laid on top of him. Warmth soaked into him in a way that felt completely foreign to him. His gaze focused on what was on top of him. You. Your eyes were open and staring into his own bleary ones. Your hands were still bound carefully, but somehow, you seemed not at all bothered by your current situation. Cyrus quickly regained himself and moved you back to lay beside him. A whine came from you as you whined about not being able to cuddle with him properly. What were you talking about—? You should have been horrified, yet you looked more upset that he dared stop holding you to himself. He swallowed. Something was wrong here. You kept whinging so genuinely about wanting to go back to cuddling.

☄️ Soon after, your behaviour showed no faults or waning. You simply acted like this was some kind of normal relationship. He was out of his mind about the whole thing. It was illogical – You should have been afraid and angry, yet you clung to him and treated him like a normal partner. Even when left unmonitored and unbound, you never tried to flee the apartment. It was beyond his understanding. Truly, it should have been everything that he wanted, but the lucidity of the situation made accepting it nearly impossible. You seemed confused about why he questioned you when he did, simply stating that you only loved him. In the end, he supposes that this, too, must be an effect of spirit. His main worry then becomes what will become of you and himself when he finally succeeds in removing spirit. Assuredly, then, you would stay with him even still. It only seemed right.

💫Volo📜

⭐️ He felt nothing for his actions. Was he aware they could have horrible consequences? Certainly. Did he care? Perhaps, somewhere deep down. The merchant felt almost certain that he would get away with it. You were an outsider like him. The Galaxy Team would have a few common searches before ultimately giving up and deeming you AWOL or likely dead. He hoped for the latter, but he had failed to set up a proper scene to help better lead them to that conclusion. His decision to take you had been made entirely on the fly. Not his best moment, but he supposed his careful planning, coming into danger alongside you threatening to abandon him, set him off in a way that he had never truly felt before. Simple desperation had consumed him. You had been dragged off to a remote, hidden area of Hisui. It was unlikely that anyone would ever find you, nor would you get away.

⭐️ When you awoke, he had expected you to shout, scream, and attack him, but you seemed to relax instead. He thought your behaviour was strange. There was a chance that you were doing it in order to force yourself to have better control of the situation. He would scoff at that. You were bound quite carefully and in an extremely remote area. Your pokeballs were also taken by him. You were truly st your weakest point. So, when you smiled at him and asked what this was. He felt his mind break a bit. Your smile… Was this manipulation? He pondered what your game here was. Unlike you, he would not allow himself to relax. Whatever act this was… Your seemingly genuine affection and acceptance… He would see through it. Volo was fully aware of many things.

⭐️ … Except how genuine you were being. Your apparent affection and love for him never lessened, nor did it seem forced. Your feelings were genuine. He was bewildered by this. Even when he tested you by leaving you unbound when he “left,” you simply began to household duties or wait for him to return. He was astonished by this. This was not at all what he predicted, but he was supposed to were not the worst possible things. Your genuine love… He could only smirk. Taking you as he had felt so useless now… It was clear that you were not going anywhere. Those foolish concerns felt completely far off from himself. It was easy for him to lose himself in it all. His perfect world… He could feel it so closely when he was with you. The blond could not wait to truly make it a reality. Your shared love would only grow stronger there.

🔥Lysandre🍷

☕️ It was not his best moment. Not by far. There was a part of him that burned with shame, while a larger part simply accepted that this was just how things were going to have to be. He had become frightened. Your refusal to join Team Flare – and even daring to attempt to flee from him – was driving him to extreme lengths. Losing you, such a beautiful and perfect being, was not an option. So, he used his connections and secured you quite easily. His Lumiosian apartment was soundproof, so there was little concern for anything. It was kept carefully locked, too. You would be safe here until he finally used to the Ultimate Weapon to create a perfect world. He would have all your needs and wants tended to, yet he would absolutely make certain that you could not dare escape from him. That was simply something that he refused to accept. Whatever disgust he may have felt for his own actions had to be cast aside in favour of your believed best interests.

☕️ So, when you awoke, he readied himself for curses and threats. The worst would come before the better… Yet, you did not. Your eyes stared at him intently while seemingly figuring out your surroundings. Then, you smiled. A genuine smile. One so sweet and loving that he found himself at a loss for words. What… was this? While Lysandre knew that his actions had been for your best interest, he had not expected you to feel similarly. Well, he assumed that was how you felt. You only asked that he unbind you. He did so, readying himself again for a possible violent outburst, but it never came. Instead, you hugged him tightly and mumbled out about your love for him. He was shocked into silence. This… This was not at all a predicted response – especially with how you had tried to run quite literally just before. Part of him remained on edge this was fake, but the other more desperate half just wanted all this to be real.

☕️ Naturally, he tests you to see just how real your actions are. You continue to shock him with how you genuinely seemed to be in love with him. He describes your behaviour patterns to one of those in Team Flare, and they note that you had likely developed Stockholm syndrome. Quite quickly, they added, but your behaviours did align. He felt disgusted yet contented that such behaviours had been drawn out of you. You still refused to join Flare, but he supposed that was alright since now he could protect you more directly. You would be following after him whether you wanted to or not – And you almost seemed to want to if it did not involve his group. He supposed that whatever feelings you held for Flare were pointless since you would be joining him in his perfect world. You were his lover, after all. That was something you had made more than clear in your constant demands for his affection and attention.

🚀Giovanni🐈

🟥 It was easy to arrange and done with little hesitation. Giovanni was quite used to taking what he wanted with little question. So when you, a trainer who started opposing Rocket, had denied him what he wanted. Well, he simply took matters into his own hands. It was a bit of annoyance having to deal with you constantly disrupting his plans and making him look weak to his underlings. You even had the gall to deny his offerings of joining his organisation, stating you were above his criminality. He wanted to scoff. Trying to run from him… How utterly useless that had been. You were taken deep into one of his safehouses as he debated just what do with you when you woke up. Screaming and crying would be annoying to deal with usually, but some part of him was excited to see you at such a low point.

🟥 That was not to come, however. When you finally woke up, you were a bit shocked, yes, but seemingly calmed down once you saw the Rocket boss. You struggled against the cuffs that trapped your wrists to the headboard. He cocked a brow when you asked him politely to unlock you. Giovanni only replied by leaning over you to intimidate you and threaten that you were not in a place to make demands. But, instead, you tried to rain up to meet his lips. The older man was shocked momentarily before chuckling. Oh, what was this? Were you attempting to fawn over a fight or flight reaction. Fascinating. There would be no complaints from him on such things. You could not pull a fast one on him, either. He would be careful to observe just what you were doing and why.

🟥 Though, he was stunned to see you never faltered. This apparent love you felt for him was real enough. You were insistent enough that he let you have some freedoms that he did eventually relent. When he finally did, there were no true escape attempts. At worst, you tried to follow him out whenever you felt that he had failed to give you adequate attention, but it was not really an attempt at fleeing and regaining your lost freedom. He was fully aware of what had happened to you. This was not his first time observing such a thing, but he supposed he quite preferred it when it was someone that he had an interest in over some random target that his group brought in for whatever reason. Due to your strong feelings for him mixed with your desperation to stay near him, it was not hard to convince you to take his offer to join Rocket this time around. Whatever oddities had brought about the situation, he could only be happy that it brought the exact results he wanted.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

what are your thoughts on the ministrife situation? imo literally the worst fate for eridan to be damned to tbh

i think he will eventually (after <5 minutes) just shoot cronus and leave. (CW for mentions of abuse and cronus's romantic grossness and stuff under the cut).

Ignoring the extremely creepy and gross fact that Hussie doesn't seem to have a problem with the age gap (it's There, we've acknowledged that it's creepy and weird, i personally think it highlights how immature the dancestors are despite their physical age, and it actually serves to hint at how trash they are, but it's still really uncomfortable in the moment and never gets properly called out. In any case we've talked about it critically, we can move on and talk about characterization now), he and cronus are actually kind of polar opposites. Given that Cronus, along with many of the dancestors, are riffing on what the fandom interpretation of their Alternian counterparts are, it's kind of a fascinating look at all the things Eridan ISN'T.

The fandom (especially at the time) had flattened Eridan down to "overdramatic Nice Guy hipster who won't stop hitting on people," with varying degrees of sympathy. In other words, they took all of Eridan's outward presentation - the narration calling his genuine anxiety and distress "overblown emotional theatrics," the fact that his being rejected was a running gag - entirely at face value, while also missing what sort of archetype he was actually supposed to represent.

At no point does Eridan ever actually mention a hipster interest, like vintage clothes or indie media. It's all entirely in his design and Karkat calling him a hipster (it's not even in his character introduction), so presumably, it IS a part of his character (Karkat knows him really well), but it's probably a part he keeps to himself, like his love of wizards.

Moreover, he isn't really a Nice Guy. The closest he gets is thinking Nepeta owes him a chance for saving her life, but as far as we can tell, he only ever asked her once, got rejected, accepted that rejection, and has never taken out that rejection on her. When he complains about it, he frames it as a bitter "I guess what I did wasn't enough," not "she's an unreasonable witch withholding romance from me even though I'm so nice to her." All other romance attempts are crimes of... just being way too forward.

He bursts into Kanaya's DMs demanding she auspicetisize with Vriska because... that's what she likes to do, right? The same happens to Terezi in [S] Karkat: Wake Up. He comes on strong in Rose's DMs and after getting a little annoyance back, goes "wow, we kinda have something," and does not realize her blowing up his computer is a rejection because she didn't explicitly tell him no and he's a dumbass. And even though he's nasty at Sollux because emotionally, he's still bitter about Sollux "stealing" Feferi from him, at least CONSCIOUSLY he's recognized the rejection on both fronts and has repeatedly told Feferi that he has no more interest in getting back together with her, in spite of her recognizing that he's emotionally not over her. And speaking of Feferi, his confession to her is entirely genuine and respectful toward her feelings. At no point does he indicate that he feels like she owes him a date.

These aren't Nice Guy actions, they're "I have 0 social skills or self-awareness" actions. And also a little bit "due to my trauma and anxiety and desensitization to murder, I struggle to care about other people" actions. He's not even actually casteist or genocidal - I spent an entire essay arguing that.

But regardless, that's what the fandom ran with, in large part because they didn't bother reading between the lines. Ironically, like Eridan, they just believed what he told them. I don't even necessarily blame the fandom - at least part of this obfuscation was intentional, and a clever trick on the part of the writing. By highlighting Eridan at his worst, and having the narration be complicit in his self-delusion and mockery, the story is able to put the audience in the same mindset as his in-universe bullies - Eridan is dumb weirdo whose emotional problems are worthy of ridicule, not sympathy. Let's all point and laugh!

This sets up his meltdown to be more of a twist - even though his literal introduction is him killing something and talking about genocide, the very real danger he poses is forgotten both by the audience and the other characters because they've gotten so used to dismissing his feelings that they ignore his cries for help and the warning signals he gives off. And it makes his character more relevant and meaningful, because this happens in real life all the time - I'm sure we either all either knew, or were, the friendless weirdo at school who, upon reflection, definitely had either some bad shit going on at home or severe and untreated mental illness (or both).

The reason I'm bringing up this fandom misinterpretation is because, like a couple other dancestors, Cronus is very much a riff on the fanon version of his Alternian counterpart. Unlike Eridan, who's not actually casteist, but desperately trying to act the part, Cronus IS a casteist sea dweller who thinks he's better than lowbloods and land dwellers. Unlike Eridan, who seeks emotional connections with others, and accepts rejections, Cronus is only looking for some action, and keeps trying even well after he knows he's been rejected. Unlike Eridan, who's so consumed by anxiety and trauma that he's pretty much unable to function properly, Cronus DOES exaggerate his problems and explicitly leverage them for attention and sympathy. And unlike Eridan, who feels crushed under the weight of duty and responsibility, and tends to blame himself when things go wrong, Cronus refuses to take responsibility for anything, immediately blaming anybody BUT himself.

They're practically exact opposites, and this is, again, a clever trick on the part of the writing. It's an excellent usage of a foil: though superficially similar, the differences between these two really serves to highlight just how much Eridan is NOT the things that Cronus IS.

And it's especially interesting given that Eridan spent his entire life trying to emulate Dualscar, to the point of modeling his outfit after the guy. To him, it was not only his duty, but his inevitable fate, to wind up as Dualscar's successor. And when he finally meets the guy in person, his opinion is "even I think you're trash."

If that isn't a form of rejecting the values his society has told him repeatedly that he has to uphold, maybe in the service of perhaps setting up some sort of redemption arc or something, I don't know what is.

I've seen people point to this moment as kind of a hee haw funny one-off joke, look at how little Hussie cares about Eridan, but that's not what it is to me. You don't really need to say anything more about their relationship to each other. Eridan thinks Cronus (and by extension, everything Cronus stands for - and everything Eridan has tried to be) is garbage, but is lonely and friendless and desperate enough that he feels pushed into accepting it anyway. It's extremely consistent with his characterization and character arc.

So uh, yeah. Join me next time for more deep dives on how this funny innocuous thing in Homestuck actually Means Something.