#bardic history

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Weinersmith and Boulet’s “Bea Wolf”

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

Bea Wolf is Zach Weinersmith and Boulet's ferociously amazingly great illustrated kids' graphic novel adaptation of the Old English epic poem, which inspired Tolkien, who helped bring it to popularity after it had languished in obscurity for centuries:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250776297/beawolf

Boy is this a wildly improbable artifact. Weinersmith and Boulet set themselves the task of bringing Germanic heroic saga from more than a thousand years ago to modern children, while preserving the meter and the linguistic and literary tropes of the original. And they did it!

There are some changes, of course. Grendel – the boss monster that both Beowulf and Bea Wulf must defeat – is no longer obsessed with decapitating his foes and stealing their heads. In Bea Wulf, Grendel is a monstrously grown up and boring adult who watches cable news and flosses twice per day, and when he defeats the kids whose destruction he is bent upon, he does so by turning them into boring adults, too.

And Bea Wulf – and the kings that do battle with Grendel – are not interested in the gold and jewels that the kings of Beowulf hoard. In Bea Wulf, the treasure is toys, chocolate, soda, candy, food without fiber, television shows without redeeming educational content, water balloons, nerf swords and spears, and other stuff beloved of kids and hated by parents.

That substitution is key to transposing the thousand-year-old adult epic Beowulf for enjoyment by small children in the 21st century. After all, what makes Beowulf so epic is the sense that it is set in a time in which a primal valor still reigned, but it is narrated for an audience that has been tamed and domesticated. Beowulf makes you long for a never-was time of fierce and unwavering bravery. Bea Wulf beautifully conjures the years of early childhood when you and the kids in your group had your own little sealed-off world, which grownups could barely perceive and never understand.

Growing up, after all, is a process of repeating things that are brave the first time you do them, over and over again, until they become banal. That's what "coming of age" really boils down to: the slow and relentless transformation of the mythic, the epic, and the unknowable and unknown into the tame, the explained, the mastered. When you're just mastering balance and coordination, the playground climber is a challenge out of legend. A couple years later, it's just something you climb.

The correspondences between the leeching away of magic lamented in Beowulf and experienced by all of us as we grow out of childhood are obvious in hindsight and surprising and beautiful and bittersweet when you encounter them in Bea Wolf.

This effect owes a large debt to Boulet's stupendous artwork. Boulet brings a vibe rarely seen in American kids' illustration, owing quite a lot to France's bande dessinée tradition. Of course, this is a Firstsecond book, and they established themselves as an exciting and fresh kids' publisher in the USA nearly 20 years ago by bringing some of Europe's finest comics to an American audience for the first time. You can get a sense of Boulet's darker-than-average, unabashedly anarchic illustrations here:

https://www.comixtrip.fr/bibliotheque/bea-wolf-weinersmith-boulet-albin-michel/

The utter brilliance of Bea Wulf is as much due to the things it preserves from the original epic as it is to the updates and changes. Weinersmith has kept the Old English tradition of alliteration, right from the earliest passages, with celebrations of heroes like "Tanya, treat-taker, terror of Halloween, her costume-cache vast, sieging kin and neighbor, draining full candy-bins, fearing not the fate of her teeth. Ten thousand treats she took. That was a fine Tuesday."

Weinersmith also preserves the kennings – the elaborate figurative compound phrases that replace nouns – that turn ordinary names and places into epithets at you have to riddle out, like calling a river "the sliding sea."

These literary devices, rarely seen today, are extremely powerful, and they conjure up the force and mystique that has kept Beowulf in our current literary discourse for more than a millennium. They also make this a super fun book to read aloud.

When Jim Henson was first conceiving of Sesame Street, he made a point of designing it to have jokes and riffs that would appeal to adults, even if some of the nuance would be lost on kids. He did this because he wanted to make art that adults and kids could enjoy together, both because that would give adults a chance to help kids actively explore the ideas on-screen, but also because it would bring some magic into those adults' lives.

This is a very winning combination (not for nothing, it's also the original design brief for Disneyland). Weinersmith and Boulet have produced a first-rate work of adult and kid literature, both a perfect entree to Beowulf for anyone contemplating a dive into old English epic poetry, and a kids' book full of booger jokes and transgressive scenes of perfect mischief.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/24/awesome-alliteration/#hellion-hallelujah

[modark]

The Bardic Tradition

I made a long thread explaining in detail all the symbolism in this piece when I first posted it. That's lost to time now, thanks Elon. I'll try to rewrite it to the best of my ability in an abridged form.

The basic gist is that its a visual representation of the ancient Gaelic bardic tradition. Seated in the center is St. Colmcille, composing an old Irish hymn to St. Brigid, "Brigit bé bithmaith". He is holding hazel nuts, symbols of knowledge / inspiration in Irish legend. On the two pillars on either side of him are King David (left) and Orpheus (right), two famous poets from antiquity. Two legendary poets from Irish legend, Oisín and Amergin, are situated above each pillar respectively. The two fish are seen swimming "upstream" (as in the legend of the Salmon of Knowledge) toward a sheela na gig, a architectural feature / grotesque of early Irish churches which some consider to be symbols of femininity, meant to ward off evil. At the top of the image, hands from a cloud (representing God) release a white dove (representing the Holy Spirit) down to St. Brigid. She owes her angelic appearance to her being considered both a pagan goddess and Christian saint. She is guarding a flame, which symbolises poetic inspiration, and which can be seen floating above the heads of all the other figures.

[richmond-rex]

After the restoration of Henry VI in 1470 Henry came under the protection of Jasper, his uncle, who, according to Polydore Vergil, found him living in the household of the Countess of Pembroke and introduced him to court. Shortly before Dafydd Llwyd had formally renounced all loyalty to the deposed Edward IV, 'Edward, I now become a supporter of the eagle from Anglesey', ending his poem with a prophecy that the said eagle would one day gain the Crown.

— Gruffydd Aled Williams, The Bardic Road to Bosworth: A Welsh View of Henry Tudor

[leaves-lilies-and-esther]

a lot of radfems on here would love Gwerful Mechain. found this gem on wikipedia:

Probably the most famous part of her work today is her erotic poetry, especially Cywydd y Cedor ("Poem to the Vagina"), a poem praising the vulva. In it, she upbraids male poets for celebrating so many parts of a woman's body but ignoring "the girl's middle".[5] "Let songs to the quim grow and thrive", she adjures her readers. "Noble bush, may God save it".[6]

She actively participated in the poetic culture of her day. Many of her surviving poems are examples of ymrysonau (poetic or bardic rivalry)[1] with contemporaries such as Dafydd Llwyd of Mathafarn, Ieuan Dyfi and Llywelyn ap Gutun.[7]

[good--merits-accumulated]

big fan of the 17th century Irish poet Ó hEoghusa who, upon being asked to join his lord Cú Chonnacht for a military campaign, wrote him a very elegant, emphatic, and affectionate No

(source: Society and the Bardic Poet, James Carney)

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Eisteddfod Chairs: Pick Your Winner!

It's almost June! Nearly time to reveal the 2023 Chair! So come, gather round Tumblrs, let me tell you of the furniture-based customs of my people

So Wales has been celebrating Eisteddfodau (festivals of poetry, music, and disco dancing), in some form or another, since at least the 1100s, when Lord Rhys of Dinefwr had one all formal-like and made it into a big fun party and that. The word basically means 'sitting place', and probably refers to the way people in summer would gather round the twmpath in the village to listen to bards that passed through and drink mead and shout 'hurrah!' a lot. Amazingly, this is not where the Chair Thing comes from.

Part of Welsh history is the Bardic Age, and it was custom for bards to travel the country and visit the courts of assorted gentry types (also normal people's houses and taverns and twmpaths but let's stay on topic) and play for them. If the lord paid well, great; if not, the bard would write a Super Mean Song about them and sing it everywhere, so they were pretty well treated.

But if they were particularly good, rather than making them play for the WHOLE meal, the lord would offer them a chair at the table to join in the feast as a guest, rather than a worker, and THAT is where the Chair Thing comes from.

Anyway that's preamble to say that every year in the biggest Eisteddfod of all - the Eisteddfod Genedlaethol - the highest honour awarded goes to the Prifardd - the bard who writes the winning cywydd (super complex Welsh poetry WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS). And the prize for writing the winning cywydd is that you are awarded, you guessed it, the Chair.

Now these Chairs (capital C, please, we like a bit of Fantasy Novel Capitalisation and for this cultural reason I will never understand people who complain about it) are unique. They are thrones. They are carved each year by one chosen carpenter, who crafts a one-of-a-kind Chair with symbolism and that, never to be replicated. They usually have the year carved on, but otherwise, they vary wildly in aesthetic and symbolism. In a No Award year (because Eisteddfod judges don't subscribe to the Western idea that there HAS to be a first, second and third place; if no one is good enough there is no award, and I have seen choir competitions for seven year olds where there was no first or third place but there were two choirs in joint second), the Chair is sent back to the carpenter who carved it, and they get to keep it. In a year where the bard died before the ceremony, it is draped in black, and given to next of kin.

(That has only happened once. RIP Hedd Wyn, 1887-1917. Also the only reproduced Chair; the original, known as the Gadair Ddu (the Black Chair) is on display in his family home, but a 3D printed replica has been made for display by Amgueddfa Cymru)

BUT THEREFORE a big part of Eisteddfod fun is seeing what the Chair will look like this year. Traditional ones, see, we tend to think look like variants of this:

(Apologies for the substandard attempts at alt-text; I have no clue how to describe these properly)

This one is from 1896. The phrase "Y gwir yn erbyn y byd" means "The truth against the world", and was included in a lot of old ones. Modern ones tend to incorporate the druidic symbol for awen ("poetic inspriation") instead. Some of these incidentally turn up in lil' chapels and that about the country.

But actually even the old ones were mad different, look; clockwise from top left, these are y Gadair Ddu (1917), 1876, 1926 (when the carpenter was Chinese and enjoyed the cultural fusion), and 1908.

Still the same theme, though, but in the modern day the carpenters are all off the shits! They're all over the place! Fuck the rules! And I have Opinions.

Category: I See What You Did There

SYMBOLISM!!! 2011 is a pit wheel from Wrexham's mining past! 2013 is the head of a harp, from Denbighshire's cultural harp-making past! 2017 is fish, from Anglesey's maritime present! Fantastic. Love it.

Best in category: 2017. Why does Anglesey's have so many eyes on the fish? We don't know. Wylfa B protestors reportedly furious.

Category: The Modern Throne

TALL!!! That silhouette! That height!! They have the range, darling! Christ knows 2016 doesn't have anything else going for it! Shout out to the Conwy river on 2019, the different woods from the forests of Maldwyn for 2015, and the red kite symbolism for Ceredigion in 2022 (the spiritual home of the bird, where the species was first saved).

Best in category: 2019, Conwy. I like the bridge and the river lines and the water effect on the front of the seat it's just so pretty.

Category: That's Just A Chair

(I am actually friends with the Prifardd who won 2018 at the bottom there :D )

WHAT ARE RULES WE JUST WANT FUNCTIONAL CHAIRS. Man even so 2014 was fucking ugly. You could have 2018 in your house. Around your table, like. Even 2012 has a sort of IKEA vibe that's boring but palatable. 2014 is only coming in the house under sufferance.

Best in Category: 2018, easy, and not just because it's the one I'm most likely to get to sit in one day. It's pretty.

Category: NO GODS NO CHAIRS NO MASTERS

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN 2010

BRO I DO NOT THINK YOU TRIED

Best in Category: OBVIOUSLY 2021 I COULD PHYSICALLY MAKE 2010 MYSELF

[nephriteknight]

okay i've talked about this in tags and stuff before but i want to really break down the dorian - ashton dynamic, because it's so interesting. there are a lot of ways in which dorian and ashton are perfectly opposed, and there are also a lot of ways that they're deeply similar, and something about it is just fascinating to me.

they're both genasi, but one is air and one is earth. one was born into wealth and privilege, while the other spent most of their childhood in an orphanage in bassuras, and yet they both have very complex feelings about their parentage and their birthright and the power that comes with it. they're both frontline fighters who started c3 with the same strength score, but ashton uses a massive hammer and chaotic, uncontrollable powers, while dorian uses bardic flourishes and precise spells. ashton was abandoned by the closest thing they had to family, while dorian was the one to leave his own family. ashton is -2 charisma covered up with brashness and projected confidence, while dorian is +3 charisma but too nervous to use it effectively half the time. they both end up being treated as a sort of leader in their parties, much to their own surprise. dorian is this inexperienced, sheltered prince seeing the world for the first time, and ashton is frequently the voice of reason in bells hells, the one who knows how the real world works ("does no one crime?", reminding them that their actions will have consequences for others, pointing out that leaving someone to die is not actually better than killing them by hand).

in exu, dorian tells lolth that he would do anything to protect his friends, even if it would hurt others, and he meant it so deeply that his alignment changed from chaotic good to chaotic neutral. he got into an argument with orym because he wanted them to keep lolth's circlet, a decision influenced by his family history with power and responsibility. and now ashton took the shard, searching for power, motivated by the longing for his parents and his birthright and it is such a juicy parallel.

it's "i would do anything for my friends" vs "we don't leave anyone behind".

the first kiss of the campaign is dorian kissing ashton's cheek after the ratanish fight as an excuse to get close enough to heal him and tell him "we need you". ashton curses quietly when he realizes dorian has to go with cyrus. "to dorian, who is leaving us for his stupid brother. what the fuck is up with that." ashton says dorian is "our bag of dicks".

they're just so interesting. they're such interesting contrasts, both symbolically and in their characters, and i really hope that when (don't say 'if' it's gotta be a 'when' i am clinging to this) dorian comes back their relationship gets explored more.

[oghmaschosen]

Cannot believe I’m back to refreshing my AO3 history page like it’s 2008

Anyway, sending bardic inspiration to all the Bloodweave authors this weekend 💕

[y-rhywbeth2]

Lore: Life in Faerûn, Part 1

Disclaimer & Other Stuff [tldr: D&D lore is a giant conflicting mess. Larian's lore is also a conflicting mess. You learn to take what you want and leave the rest]

Abeir-Toril Why it's called the "Forgotten" Realms History | Time & Festivals | Lexicon [1] [2]| Languages | Living in Faerûn [1] [?] | Notable Organisations | Magic | Baldurs Gate | Waterdeep | The Underdark | Geography and Human Cultures ---[WIP]

---

Demihumans in common society (ie human society); common is not a daily language; the postal service; some stuff about gender, gender roles and body modification in the Realms; social strata... Plus some details about other things - most of which will be built on in other posts.

Also featuring; what to do with your leisure time in the realms: like literature, theatre, cafés, where to go clubbing aaand the festhalls.

Education: church school, rich idiots at academies, bardic colleges, etc.

And how good medicine is on Toril, if you can't find a spellcaster to heal you. Baths are both mandatory and freely available, we shall have no unwashed peasants in this setting.

-----

Humans are the dominant peoples of the Realms, and the vast majority of cultures one will find oneself in are human cultures. Nine-in-ten people are human, with the one remainder being one of any of the eight non-humans (some of whom are more commonly encountered than others).

Most of what is said here refers to human lands and cultures (which is 99% of the world anyway), and non-human cultures I'll cover in their own write ups.

Humans mostly know the other "common" races - elves, dwarves, halflings and gnomes, whom they call "demihumans" or "humanoids" - as trade partners or as neighbours belonging to minority groups within their home cities.

Demihumans are mostly accepted as fellow citizens within human lands, although the elves are often viewed with mistrust due to the stereotype that they are fickle fey creatures who get uppity when you start tearing down nature and building your cities in their lands. This tolerance is not extended to people who are categorised as monsters, including the Underdark races, tieflings and "goblinkin" - a category that includes orcs, goblins, bugbears and so forth. Half-orcs usually find themselves being sorted into this category, and most have to deal with a lot of respectability politics in order to be accepted into their human family's lands. Elves and dwarves also share this hostility towards orcs, and have a long history of wars with them.

The hin (halflings, to non-hin) and gnomes who find themselves living in human cities are accepted by being seen as useful in the eyes of the Big Folk. Both are known as being useful as couriers, tinkers and repairmen, and for running laundromats. Gnomes in particular are the chief inventors and innovators of the realms, and due to their tendency to be quiet and helpful they are heavily overlooked by others.

Dragonborn are a rare sight, but have mostly built a reputation of respect.

Most humans do not know much about non-human cultures, knowing them only through story, rumour and whatever personal experience they have. Stereotypes are often taken at face value, and being more used to the likes of lightfoot halflings and silver elves, the average person would probably be quite surprised by the different cultural attitudes and colder receptions they'd get from, say, ghostwise halflings or gold elves.

Outside of cosmopolitan areas, where your neighbour can punch you in the face for stupid comments, humans feel no particular pressure to be respectful to demihumans and foreigners, and would roll their eyes at what their Earth equivalents would call "political correctness" if you told them off.

On the nonhumans' end, humans are watched with concern, as they do tend to cause their fair share of disasters that rapidly become everyone's problem.

Many of the people of Faerûn move around a lot; religious pilgrims, traders, immigrants and those bloody adventurers transcend the boundaries of culture and country on a daily basis. For this reason, the Common tongue was invented.

People do not use Common as a daily language, though certain terms may enter daily speech as loanwords. Common is a pidgin trade tongue that grew out of Old Chondathan and Alzhedo (mostly the former), the language spoken in Central and Western Faerûn. It's a simple language, easy to learn and spread around, and useful for exchanging basic information with people from other lands who don't share a language with you - but it's useless for daily life. While it has a written form, most people can't read or write in it.

-

Maps are rare, and if you want an accurate map you'll usually find it in the possession of local rulers and temples (which supply the Realms with most of their scribes and such). Each realm has a book of maps (atlas) available for the use of their military and other officials.

-

If you want to send a package or letter in the Realms, temples often double as a post office. The delivery will be sent from temple to temple until it reaches its destination and will be delivered to the addressee,

-

Most of the Realms does not consider men or women to be inherently lesser or greater than the other and all genders are equal under all laws, though they do have traditional gender roles that it's believed most are better suited for - or at least areas where one gender is more represented than the other. Women dominate in trade and domestic areas, while men dominate in war and crafting, however it isn't considered immoral or unthinkable to see somebody defying the gender norm. If your daughter picks up a sword, learns to use it and runs away to fight dragons your primary concerns are less "oh no, a girl is fighting" and far more likely about the threat to her life and who in the hells is going to help you run the family store now if she has no siblings? Gender roles can be looser or more rigid, depending on where in the Realms you go. Some realms may be Patriarchal or Matriarchal, but it's not the rule and some of these places have grown more egalitarian over time.

Organisations do not generally discriminate in any way based on gender when it comes to their members.

The term for transgender in the Common tongue is sildur. (Elven: Alur, Dwarvish: Thulol, Gnome: Thoulal, Hin: Zalshaer) Transmutation magic is the primary form of body modification and transitioning on Toril, although apparently most people will turn towards divine magic before trusting a wizard to do it. Mages are expensive to hire and viewed with some measure of fear by the common person.

You can petition the gods at their temples for body modifications in return for sufficient offerings, if you don't trust wizards. Be that "I want to be blond" or "I don't want these breasts." Exactly how much and what the god is going to expect in exchange for this varies on the faith of the petitioner and the past relationship between them and the god. Naturally, certain gods are favoured above others for this kind of thing. You're more likely to petition Sune (love and beauty) or Liira (joy and freedom) than the likes of Bane and Shar. ---

Faerûn has its social classes, defined by wealth and family lineage, but they do not have true feudal or caste systems, or any system where upwards social mobility is totally impossible (though the upper classes will certainly do their best to prevent that. (Hi, Waterdeep, I'll give you your own post)). Any commoner could theoretically gain a noble title to the distress of the hereditary nobility. In Sembia if you have enough coin, you can just give yourself a title and everyone has to shut up and go along with it, because money. And that's how most of them got theirs anyway.

Slavery is illegal in all of Faerûn with the exception of Dambrath, Thay, Mulhorand and Unther. The slave trade still exists underground elsewhere, and is quietly overlooked in some places, but it is considered evil by the world at large and somebody found to be a slaver will be met with violent reprisal.

Nobles are... well, nobles. They're rich and have powerful friends and the law is far nicer to them than to the lower classes. They're mostly corrupt and constantly scheming against each other. Their kids go through rebellious stages and do drugs and cause chaos for the commoners and join weird cults.

Landownership outside of kingdoms and such with codified property law generally follows the rules that you can do what you like with whatever land you hold; charge rent, put up signs, make the rules... but you own it only by the tolerance of your neighbours. If they don't like the way you do things, you're quickly going to find yourself in trouble. Also led to my one of my new favourite quotes:

“If you set up an inn and then murder everyone who stops there and keep their goods, even if that’s morally acceptable to you as a devout follower of Bane or of Cyric, it will not be suffered to stand."

Yes! Screw you, edgelord!

Crime and punishment varies depending on where you are, but carries fun stuff like fines, brandings, prison labour, floggings, stockades and executions. I think the concept of the law, "justice" and court proceedings will be left for another post where I will passive aggressively judge a young Astarion and his corrupt magistrate ways.

-

Leisure:

Literature: Literacy is a hit and a miss in the Realms. Some people prize literacy, and it's common enough that broadsheets and newspapers are in business and PCs can read and write by default; but there are still others who can't and couldn't care less if they can't read some bard's chicken scratch. The ruling class in particular gets a little nervous about the idea of a fully literate populace, since that would allow them to be educated, and better suited to communicate with each other and get ideas. That bit varies though. Cormyr, for example. has encouraged its population to learn to read and get educated for several reasons including making it harder for the country to be infiltrated by enemy spies.

Chapbooks are serially published cheap little paperback things. They contain all sorts of things, like children's tales, donated recipes, political opinions, random bits of advice from people on trades and such, gossip from other countries disguised as news, memoirs, and smut. The rating of that last bit varies in rating. In Waterdeep they favour romantic stories over sex and over in Amn they're just flat out publishing porn about the goddesses of love and sensuality, Sune and Sharess - with the full support and encouragement of their churches.

The most popular genre of actual novels is the personal travel logs of explorers and other wanderers. The Realms are flooded with such books.

There are also non-fiction books available. Philosophy (which is written through the lens of religion, as a rule); books on rulership (controlled by the noble class, sometimes outlawed); and on business (which are subject to attempted control by the likes of merchant guilds)

Book printing is a sketchy business. Authors may one day discover that there are whole new best selling reprints of their books they've never been informed of (or paid for). Plagiarism is also a common problem.

Theatre: Aside from actual theatres, there are a few ways to catch a play.

Traveling caravans are known to sport a few actors, who can make a bit of extra money for the group by putting on a performance as well as advertising the stock their caravan carries (product placement everywhere). Most bards have the "classic" scenes of famous plays memories, so as to perform them on demand.

Theatres often hire doppelgangers, as their shapeshifting ability is very useful in realistically portraying monstrous characters too dangerous to actually hire. Of course there's also this little issue where your doppelganger hirelings may start killing people outside of work hours, but eh. The show must go on.

There are also puppet shows like Punch-and-Judy called Oldboots - because the shows are actually done by wearing worn old boots on your hands instead of actual puppets.

Establishments: Alehouses - Pubs and bars, existing primarily for those looking for an alcoholic beverage. The term "barkeeper" is unknown to Torilians, who would refer to them as tavernmasters. The word "mug" and "pint" also do not exist. Inns and Alehouses don't have menus, you're eating whatever's being cooked.

Dining-house or Feasthall - Known to us as a restaurant. Establishments are also known by the Chondathan word skaethar which is used as a formal term in Common in other parts of the world. In larger inns, one might find a section of the building that acts as a dining-house. Most of the time the menu is a chalk board on the wall, informing customers what's fresh. The really fancy ones, visited by the rich (or those who want to seem so) get paper menus printed by machine or made with fancy calligraphy.

Kaeth house - A café. Coffee is known in the Realms as kaeth or kaethae - or "fireswill", colloquially. The drink is rare and expensive northwards of Calimshan, but is available in large cosmopolitan trade cities, as far North as Waterdeep. Calishite coffee is taken black with nuts and spices like ginger. Sembian and Chessentan styles of coffee are often mixed with chocolate and liqueur. In lands where coffee is widely known, they tend to have their own drinking utensils and customs around it, but in the north it's just served in tankards. Hot chocolate is also on the menu. Teas exist, but are less popular and are seen as a medicinal drinks.

Temples of Liira - The goddess of joy and revelry charges her followers with hosting parties and making everyone they meet is having fun and feeling happy. As such, going to her temples is kind of like going clubbing. The main hall of the temple is a dance hall, with other rooms branching off to include lounges and a well-stocked bar. Liirans also offer dance lessons.

Temples of Sune - As devotees of the goddess of beauty, Sunites are obligated to give you a makeover if you ask, so this is a good destination for a haircut, pedicure or fashion consultation or whatever. As Sune is also the goddess of love, Sunites can also be asked for matchmaking services. The church also sponsors schools and classes teaching all forms of art (including music, song, performance arts, etc).

Festhalls - Try not to confuse these with feasthalls, or you're going to have an embarrassing time. Ah Festhalls, where to start. They're spaces considered outside of society; everyone leaves their real life, identity, social rank and all of that outside and comes here to just let go for a few hours. Festhalls will provide you with a warm bed for the night; they'll wash, mend and dry your clothes; they have hot baths and spa services; you can dance to music, or just lounge around enjoying a good drink and some company; it's also something of a casino, where you can play cards and gamble or even just play normal board games or something... And they're strip clubs, BDSM scenes and specialty brothels! You got a kink none of the brothels can scratch? Festhalls provide and cater to goddamn anything that turns you on, so long as it's legal, safe, sane and consensual.

---

Education: What counts as an education varies from place to place and depends on what the realm desires of its public. Some places will emphasise the commoners knowing the basics of military drills, the chain of command and such in case of the need for a levy. Other places, like trade centres such as Waterdeep, prioritise maths and literacy.

In most of the Realms - especially in rural areas, a basic informal tutoring involves teaching basic maths, local laws and customs and some basic knowledge of the alphabet and market/road signs.

Most schooling is done by priests, which is free to the public. Unless you're dealing with the sketchier gods or the ones with deeper mysteries, all clergy are also happy to teach everything about their faith when asked. While some may obscure less savoury details, no follower of any god will outright lie about the details of their faith, as that is considered a sin.

If you're not rich you can get a basic education by hiring "low sages" - the likes of book shop owners, hedge mages, retired adventurers and other people with access to information who can share with you what they know. Of course, what they know may not be the most accurate information in the world.

You can also purchase some basic short paperback school books.

Most trades guilds will provide a basic education in that trade in exchange for a coin or two. Although some of this will simply just be "don't do this at home, hire a professional." They also hold classes open to the public now and then.

Schools as educational organisations also exist and are usually founded by bards or monastic orders in large cities. Most schools and academies are simply a handful of ageing, well educated people with a house who provide lessons for enrolled children there - though larger establishments exist.

For nobles there are Academies, which will also teach their children social etiquette and other things the upper class needs to worry over lest their reputation drop so low it falls into the Lower Planes and dies in the River Styx. Sometimes these Academies are actually just social clubs for young rich idiots to get drunk, do drugs and have orgies in, but that's not so common and gets shut down when it does happen.

While the rich and powerful have the opportunity to send their darlings to Academies, they'd rather not. It's... embarrassing. It means you can't afford a private tutor (or that your darling is a brat with a personality that suggests they're a demon spawned in the Abyss).

Bards are usually trained at Bardic Colleges - these vary in quality and specialty (some may be better for certain instruments, for example). The only requirements for entry are that one passes an audition, impressing their interviewers enough that they are taken on.

Civic information is typically freely available to anyone who asks for it, and courtiers and scribes are obligated to share the information.

---

Medicine: Medicine is primarily the practice of demihumans, who've been around for much longer than humans and had more practice. They also tend to hold the market, finding a place for themselves in human lands by offering their services as physicians and herbalists.

Faerûnians have an almost Earth-level awareness of human anatomy; the organs and their function, the function of blood and the cardiovascular system as well as the risks of shock and infections are common knowledge. While the concept of microbes and spread of disease is unknown, the importance of hygiene in staying healthy is known, and there are establishments that offer baths and laundry services to travellers and homeless people. The filthy unwashed peasant is not a thing on Toril. Plagues are not as disastrous as they were in Earth history - most households and communities will avoid being totally wiped out, but they are terrible and mysterious things and the afflicted are avoided.

Medicines as we know them - called "physics" - are expensive and hard to get ahold of, and most people rely on herb lore or priests like clerics and druids. Herbal anaesthetics are widely used. Cauterisation is a common practice, and many people have scars from it.

Most trade towns have apothecaries, be they part of a shrine or a business.

Physicians are often in conflict with divine spellcasters, since they're competing over the same market.

Some diseases are known by different names in the Realms: Windchill fever - Pneumonia Sallar - Typhus Whitewasting - Leprosy Foamjaws - Rabies And a heart attack is known as a heartstop.

[vspin]

OC meme

thank you @dolceaspidenera for the tag!

tagging @haarleps @communistfries @mollfie @kirahlene @fiachrastudios @mynthara @novarex @mercymaker @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate @bardic-inspo @aldanil @tadpole-apocalypse (anyone else i am trying to look through my list!!)

B A S I C S

Full name: Tav’Lyn Faen Tlabbar

Gender: Female 

Sexuality: Bi

Pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R

Family: Ghenni'tiroth Tlabbar (mother), Vadalma Tlabbar (sister), and a bunch of other sisters who are now dead (+ mom) lol

Birthplace: Menzoberranzan

Job: Former Cleric of Lolth now a follower of Eilistraee. At the beginning of the game, she is completely lost about what to do/who she is. She was chilling with the Eilistraeeans with no clue what to do with her life.

Phobias: eternal punishment by Lolth, being betrayed, losing those close to her 

Guilty pleasures: she has no concept of a "guilty pleasure" lol

Hobbies: Dancing, playing the Lyre, reading about the surface, lizard riding in the Underdark days.

M O R A L S

Alignment: I feel like she’s on the chaotic scale…raised to be chaotic evil but is neutral by the beginning of the game and more chaotic good by the end. 

Sins: Wrath and Pride

Virtues: Courage and wit

T H I S  O R  T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert 

Organized / Disorganized 

Close-minded / Open-minded 

Calm / Anxious / Restless 

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between 

Cautious / Reckless / In between 

Patient / Impatient / In between 

Outspoken / Reserved / In between 

Leader / Follower / Flexible 

Empathetic / Unempathetic / In between 

Optimist / Pessimist / Realist 

Traditional / Modern / In between 

Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

OTP: Astarion

Acceptable Ships: Minthara

OT3: None

Brotp: Shadowheart (i mean really everyone)

Notp: Halsin, I think with his history with Drow this would not work and it would be way too messy. 

headers link

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders Viewers' Choice: Don Quixote

today on Grailfinders we’re making Charle- wait, no, not him yet. today we’re making Don Quixote, the man de la mancha! he’s a Swords Bard to get a little too into tales of chivalry and make fantasies into reality, as well as a Watchers Paladin to bring reality crashing back down, but not before proving himself as a hero. maybe.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Ancestry & Background

we’ll get to Dulcinea/sancho panza/Rocinante later, but don quixote is definitely a Human. that gives him +1 Strength and Charisma, as well as proficiency in Acrobatics because you definitely fall off your horse plenty and don’t die, as well as the Charger feat. now when you dash, you can use your bonus action to attack or shove a creature, and as a bonus, if you move more than 10’ in a straight line beforehand, you either deal extra damage, or push them even further. it’s not a “good” feat, but it fits with the don’s battle style of charging in without much of a plan.

of course, quixote’s a noble so he gets proficiency in History and Persuasion as well. he’s a little too proficient in history for his own good, and people usually at least play along with whatever nonsense he’s gotten himself into.

Ability Scores

number one is Charisma. it’s how he casts spells, and presumably how his love for stories about knights is warping reality. second is Constitution, because it doesn’t measure how much health you have, but how many hits you can take and keep going. and god knows Quixote doesn’t know when to give up. third is Strength, while that probably should be lower, we need it for multiclassing and I’m not enough of a sadist to do that to you. your Dexterity is just okay. he’s a bit clumsy but its usually played for slapstick comedy. that means your Intelligence is middling- he’s well read, but only in fiction books- and we’re dumping Wisdom. if that’s a surprise to you I really don’t know what to say.

Class Levels

1. Bard 1: since quixote was a nerd and then he tried to be a night, we’ll be getting all his bard levels first, then go to paladin afterwards. that’s probably not the best way to do it in-game, but I’m a sucker for symbolism.

still, as a bard you start off with proficiency in Dexterity and Charisma saves, as well as three skills of your choice- Athletics to charge without getting wind(mill)ed, Animal Handling to ride a horse moderately well, and Deception to fool a country into thinking you’re a king. good luck with that btw, I haven’t gotten that far in traum yet.

you also gain Bardic Inspiration- as a bonus action you can give an ally an extra d6 to add to an attack, check, or save they make in the next minute.

also, you can cast Spells using your Charisma! cantrips like Blade Ward to not die til you have armor on, or Mage Hand for a lightweight Dulcinea; or even spells like Command to be a little kingly on occasion, Feather Fall for your flying girlfriend/horse to break your fall, Unseen Servant for a heavy duty Dulcinea, or Heroism to inspire yourself and others into a battle they probably shouldn’t be fighting.

it’s worth pointing out that bards don’t get proficiency with lances, but you can either call his weapon a spear or let him be not proficient with it. it’s pretty in-character tbh.

2. Bard 2: at level two you become a Jack of All Trades, giving you half proficiency in every ability you’re not explicitly proficient in. I think this is the first time I’d call this feature out of character, but we need it to get anything else out of the class. you can also perform a Song of Rest during short rests for an extra d6 of healing but that’s so negligible it’s barely worth mentioning.

the big bonus this level is your Magical Inspiration- now your inspiration dice can be added to healing or damaging spells to help them fantasy up the place. you can also cast Longstrider this level, quickening your step so you can move ten feet faster for an hour. it’s not huge, but it’s concentration-free!

3. Bard 3: at level three you graduate from the College of Swords, giving you proficiency with medium armor so you can finally get that breastplate out of your closet and go adventuring! you also get the Dueling fighting style, adding 2 points of damage to every attack you make with only one weapon in hand.

you also learn how to make Blade Flourishes by spending your inspiration dice. now your attack actions always increase your walking speed by 10 feet, and upon hitting something you can add an inspiration die to the damage and get one of three benefits. a Defensive Flourish adds the same roll to your AC for a round, a Slashing Flourish deals that damage to every creature you choose next to you, and a Mobile Flourish pushes the target, and then you can react to have Dulcinea drag you back into melee range.

you can also cast second level spells this level, like Enhance Ability, which gives you advantage on one kind of ability check. you can literally gaslight yourself into being stronger now! speaking of checks, your Expertise doubles your proficiency bonus in Persuasion and History checks.

4. Bard 4: at fourth level you can use your first Ability Score Improvement on something useful… or dump it into Charisma for stronger spells. spells like Minor Illusion to make little fantasies for free, or Kinetic Jaunt to ricochet around the battlefield even more! for up to a minute afterwards, your speed is increased by 10’, you don’t have to worry about attacks of opportunity, and you can move through creatures without slowing down! a knight always has to be on the front lines, after all. probably.

5. Bard 5: fifth level bards get some big ol’ boons, like a bigger Bardic Inspiration die, as well as becoming a Font of Inspiration, so you can recharge them on short rests instead of long ones. also you can start learning third level spells like Dispel Magic! it feels rough to end the fantasy before it begins, but it’s hard to get this spell later. it will instantly break any magic of third level or lower, and there’s a charisma check to break higher level spells. given how busted your ability checks can be, I doubt you’ll have a problem dealing with that.

6. Bard 6: at sixth level, bards can use a Countercharm to prevent their allies from being charmed or frightened for a round. it’s not great, you use your action on it, it doesn’t last long, and it only gives advantage on saves. still in-character though. even better, you get an Extra Attack each action, so now you can attack twice instead of once.

also you can cast Motivational Speech this level! it’s a more offensively-focused Heroism, which fits your skillset better.

7. Bard 7: seventh level bards get fourth level spells, like Confusion. let’s be honest, you were confusing people way before this, now it’s just official.

8. Bard 8: at eighth level you can max out your Charisma using your next ASI, and Dulcinea can also help free you from any predicaments you get caught in by giving you Freedom of Movement. while moving freely, difficult terrain and magic cannot slow you down or make you paralyzed or restrained, and nonmagical restraints can be escaped from with just five feet of movement. you even get to move at full speed underwater! I think the only water don quixote falls in in the books is a well, so this is probably canon.

9. Bard 9: ninth level bards get fifth level spells, and we can finally make your ascension-hopping make more sense thanks to the Seeming spell. for eight hours, you and anyone within 30’ of you will look different (if they don’t want to they can try a charisma save but good luck), allowing you to change their physical appearance as well as any clothes or equipment they’ve got. now you can turn beat up old relics into proper knighting around armor!

10. Bard 10: at tenth level, you get another round of Expertise to double down on your Deception game and your Acrobatics. you also learn a new cantrip, True Strike! it’s bad, but your strength score is still a 14 at level ten, so you’ll need all the help to hit you can get. also you can cast Legend Lore too, to learn (or make up) fantastical stories about whatever piece of garbage you find on your adventures.

the fun doesn’t stop there though! your Bardic Inspiration die grows to a d10, and you learn Magical Secrets, letting you pick up spells from other classes! now you can finally Summon Celestial to bring Dulcinea to life, or use Nystul’s Magic Aura to make your armor seem even more special than it already is. the latter spell lets you make nonmagical items magical or vice-versa, at least as far as magical detection is concerned. you can even make living things show up as other kinds of creatures, but that’s outside quixote’s scope.

11. Paladin 1: you’ve got all your delusions of grandeur, so now let’s get questing! at level one, you get proficiency with all martial weapons, so that means you can finally use a lance all proper-like. also you think you have a Divine Sense to root out otherworldly foes as an action 6 times a day. you’ll figure out what kind of enemy you’re facing, but not their exact identity. unless you make one up for them, of course.

also you can Lay on Hands, drawing from a pool of HP to give to yourself or your lady Dulcinea as an action. you can spend five points to curse diseases or poisonings, and they recharge on long rests.

12. Paladin 2: second level paladins get their own kind of Spellcasting, which also uses your charisma. unlike bards, paladins can swap their spells each day, so you can get a bit more loosey goosey here. that being said, I suggest checking out the Compelled Duel spell to force your dreaded nemeses to draw steel, Ceremony to give them a chance to repent like the noble knight you are, and Shield of Faith to actually make your shield a bit better for short periods of time.

you could also use those spell slots to make some Divine Smites, spending magic to deal extra damage with your lance. you’ve even got fifth level spell slots already, so you’re actually ahead of the curve compared to pure paladins. (right, almost forgot to mention, check your PHB to see what spell slots you have at any given point from here on out, multiclassing makes it weird.)

moving away from spells for a second, you get another Fighting Style, and the Protection style is perfect for a gallant knight protecting his lady love. when a creature next to you is being attacked, you can react to put your shield between them and their attacker, forcing disadvantage on the roll.

13. Paladin 3: at third level, you join the Watchers, and elite group of paladins dedicated to defeating evil from other worlds… which, if you’re being very generous, is what don quixote’s already been doing! (hey, his imagination isn’t the material plane.) when you join up, you can Channel Divinity once per short rest, letting you invoke the Watcher’s Will to give five creatures advantage on intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saves for a minute, or you can Abjure the Extraplanar to send aberrations, celestials, elementals, fey, and fiends packing if they fail their wisdom save. alternatively, you can Harness Divine Power, spending your CD usage to regain a spell slot.

you also get free spells that are always prepared for you, Alarm and Detect Magic. quixote seems naturally jumpy, and you can’t end fantasy if you don’t know it’s there, probably.

you’re also in Divine Health, letting you ignore any diseases you get. sunstroke isn’t a disease though, you might want to get that checked out.

14. Paladin 4: at fourth level you get another ASI, and we could improve your strength so you can hit things better… orrr we can get Mage Slayer! now casting spells next to you provokes an attack of opportunity, and you get better at ending fantasy without even using a spell slot because everyone you hit has disadvantage on their concentration saves! you also get advantage on your saves against melee range spells.

15. Paladin 5: fifth level paladins get second level spells, a nice consolation prize since their extra attack doesn’t work with your bardic one. your freebies include Moonbeam, which will destroy any shapeshifters it hits, and See Invisibility. neither wolfman nor the invisible man could exist in 15th century Spain, I’m sad to say.

you can also Find Steed if you need Roccinante without all the others attached, or turn your lance into a Magic Weapon so you can actually hit people with it.

16. Paladin 6: at sixth level you get an Aura of Protection, giving everyone within 10’ of you a whopping +5 bonus to every save they make. some people thing spellcasting is a good choice of profession, so I guess it’s time you destroy their fantasy.

17. Paladin 7: seventh level watchers have an Aura of the Sentinel, giving you and everyone within ten feet of you a +6 to their initiative rolls. when you’re literally tilting at windmills, you’re always ready for a fight.

18. Paladin 8: okay fiiiine, I guess you can improve your Strength to something “not bad”, if you really want. now you might be able to actually hit the windmills when you fight them.

19. Paladin 9: ninth level paladins get third level spells, finally giving you Counterspell to stop fantasies in progress, and Nondetection to turn into a regular old man, no matter how many magical items you’ve picked up over this adventure.

we’ll also grab one last anti-fantasy spell with Remove Curse so now there’s practically no magic you can’t suppress, as well as Blinding Smite and Spirit Shroud for a more powerful girlfriend/squire/horse.

20. Paladin 10: with our final level, you exude an Aura of Courage, making you and friendly creatures nearby immune to being frightened. some say it’s because the image of a gallant knight riding to battle can stir the heart of the most craven of men, others say it’s because you suck all the gravitas out of a situation, but either way you won’t be fleeing any time soon.

Pros & Cons:

Pros:

bards are especially good at destroying magic, meaning this build can give even Medea and Sima Yi a run for their money in the anti-magic field. with maxed out charisma, an additional half-proficiency, and advantage from enhance ability, you have an effective +13 on your spellbreaking checks! that’s a 75% chance of breaking through ninth level magic, no matter what spell slots you use.

you’re also great at getting around. no, not like that, I mean you’re a speedy little bugger and you’re hard to pin down, letting you make sure you’re always in the least convenient spot for your enemies.

also you’ve got maxed out charisma and expertise in two different charisma skills, so you can dominate any conversation. whether that’s actually a good thing for your party or not is up to you.       

Cons:

I know I said charger is a bad feat, but it is impressive how poorly it slots into this build. you’ve already got spells that can improve your mobility, so it probably doesn’t help too much there, and not only does it stop you from using your inspiration or divine smites by eating your bonus action, but it prevents you from using your flourishes by keeping you away from the attack action to boot! in a similar vein, mage killer is nice, but if you’re using a lance you’d want to keep people at a ten foot range, not a five foot one, which negates most of the feat.

don’t spend ten levels straight in bard. just don’t. having divine smites or an aura of protection would have been super helpful earlier than we got them, and also we can’t actually use a lance as a spellcasting focus until we’re proficient with them- which currently doesn’t happen until level 11. that’s a long time to wait for a basic part of your build to work right.

the don doesn’t really have any clear direction about what they’re supposed to be doing at any point in time. you could go on defense with powerful anti-magic, or offense with divine smites, but both eat into the same resource and require your full attention to work well. and you might have high charisma, but you have terrible insight, so you’re likely to fall for the first liar you come across- making you the party’s face would be a recipe for disaster. thankfully your deception’s high enough that you can pretend those flaws don’t exist, and everyone will believe you.

[bardic-tales]

Good morning! I hope that you have a wonderful Friday. As I mentioned in my taglist post, the Creators’ Club is to foster a community between like-minded individuals.

Every day, there will be a theme: such as Blorbo Blursday where it is encouraged you go into each other’s ask boxes or even a post on your blog asking about each others’ weekly project or muse.

This project is not to promote your work – even though that will happen organically – but to support the other Tumblr members. It’s to foster a community. You don’t need to participate every day, as I know how it’s important to focus on your health, but please try to interact with each other.

Also, please remember to be kind to everyone and their characters / WIPs. No drama in the creative pool.

Our Friday's are on rotation. We have three: FlashFiction Friday (where you can write from the prompts hosted at the flashfictionfridayofficial's tumblr), Ficback Friday where you share you favorite fics / media from at least a year ago, or Share A Few Lines Friday where you share you favorite lines from your WIP that you have recently written.

How to participate: Make a post recommending a fic you love from at least a year ago. Dust off the archives, dig through your AO3 history and share those old fics with newer fans who might not have seen them - and the fans who’ve been around forever and might want to revisit an old fave. Please remember that this is to post your fic recs, so please do not include your own work.

Reblog art, edits, and gifsets from seasons past. Dig out those old headcanon and meta posts and bring them back.

Our Members' Recommendations

@nightingaleflowlibrary: naruto: creosote

@bardic-tales: final fantasy 7: gif set

@bardic-tales: criminal minds: against all odds

@themaradwrites: jurassic park: lots of JP recs

@pinkevilwriter: star wars: heartbeat

The following are the current members of our club:

@watermeezer @nightingaleflowlibrary @megandaisy9 @sliceoflifeshepard @themaradwrites

@serenofroses @kricketbee @pinkevilwriter @asirensrage

To sign up for the Creators’ Club, please see this post on @bardic-tales’ blog about it:

Creators’ Club Tag List

Thank you for your interest, and we look forward in getting to know you and your works.

[thisisnotthenerd]

i’m looking forward to this next arc with bells hells. they have to do a full download first, but i’m excited to see where they take it from here.

dorian coming back doesn’t fill the gap of letters, but he’s always been a good fit for the party and having him back just enriches the dynamic so much. they all need someone who’s had a different experience. but while much has changed they’re still the same when it comes down to it.

from a mechanical standpoint he can heal, which takes some of the burden off of fearne, but is a melee spellcaster (swords bard) with buffs that the party desperately needs. him holding a bless up and throwing bardics would really help the melees, especially if they’re facing the weave mind (wisdom/charisma saves) or a high general like otohan (attack rolls). they have damage—they need heals and buffs.

i’m thinking we get sam back as a new character after they do the full download and get a new direction—maybe someone/something related to exploring aeor or a moon person. no in between. it would be great to get someone good at INT and/or WIS, because bells hells is full up on charisma casters. knowledge cleric gives them the god connection again while giving boosts to arcana, history, nature, or religion. or he could go a completely different direction.

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 8🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Fracas at the Frostyfaire Folk Festival

Timestamp: 34:54

Video Length: 4min. & 45sec.

Research into Cassandra and Ruvina + Learning about Oblivati Mori (Pt.1 | ‣Pt.2 | Pt.3)

Fig: "Do you want a Bardic?"

Fabian: "I can... Hey, The Ball? Let me help."

Riz: : "Okay, yeah. It's just-"

Gorgug: "Can I have a Bardic?"

Riz: "It's just the dust mites."

Fig: "Do you want some help?"

Riz: "I'm a little worried about the dust mites!" 😭✋ (Murph's CONCERNED FACE! 😭✋)

Fig: "Here!" *starts to play* 😭✋

Riz: "Oh no! It's okay!" 😭✋

Emily: "If you see me wink, you get a Bardic." (😭😭😭😭✋✋✋✋)

Murph: Okay, okay. (*blocking Emily's winks with his hands*! 😭✋)

Lou: "Can my Bardic just be that I run screen?" 😭✋

Fabian: "No, no, look at me. No!"

Emily: "Don't you want it? Don't you want it?" (😭😭😭😭)

Murph: "Okay, right off the bat, dirty 20. Should I throw this on there and try to-"

Emily: "Yeah!"

Siobhan: "why not?!"

Lou: "Come on, baby. Let's cook."

Murph: "26."

Lou: "We stay eatin'!"

Brennan: "Hell yes."

Ally: "A feast."

Murph: "So afraid of dust mites. Are there..." 😭✋

Brennan: "So I think you're going through Rana's stuff, which is all the actual, the poetic... She was the cleric of the group, right? And you're going through Cormyr's stuff. Cormyr was a sorcerer, but you actually see, for someone that was innately magical, Cormyr had very meticulous notes, beautiful script, and has something written out which is a long... You can tell it's a copying of another text. As you arrive at it, it's basically, he wrote a glossary literally for the possibility that they would all die on this mission, and another group of adventurers would find this stuff and could pick up where they left off."

Emily: "We should remember to do that in the future." 😭😭😭✋✋✋

Siobhan: "Put it on the board. Put it on the board!"

Brennan: "You find-"

Gorgug: "A for Adaine."

Brennan: "You find-"

Adaine: "That's my name! What?"

Fig: "I think it's the information, not us." 😭✋

Gorgug: "Oh, well, how holistic is it?"

Adaine: "Catch up. Stop thinking about-[inaudible]"

Riz: "I texted you this stuff, man!" 😭✋

Gorgug: "Got it." 💀💀

Brennan: "What you see is, there is the beginning of a text that is written- and I think that... Adaine, go ahead and give me one more- give me actually, an Arcana, 'cause you rolled History. Give me an Arcana real quick."

Siobhan: "I did roll History...23."

Lou: "Sexy." 😂💀

Brennan: "You are able to point out- you know that what you're looking at is not a spell. But Adaine, you're familiar that there's lots of kinds of magical writing that are not spells. There's ways of annotating things that are magical laws or precepts, and what you are seeing here is a dually arcane and religious axiom of magical law of Spyre. And what you see is it says, "Obliviati Mori."

Emily: "Remember you will die? Or forget you will die?!" (👀👀)

Brennan: "Clerics call it Obliviati Mori, but you see that as an arcane rule, it is called the Law of Theothanatic Silence."

Siobhan: "So that's when a god dies, you forget their name."

Brennan: "Yes. But you see that he's writing down all the mortal stuff you already know. When a god dies, you forget their name. When a god dies, they're scrubbed from existence. When a god dies, da da da da da. But you guys also know that for all that being said, 'Yes!' is dead because nobody believes in it, but people remember 'Yes!', right?"

Siobhan: "Oh, we all remember 'Yes!'." 😭✋

Brennan: "You all remember 'Yes!'."

Zac: "I'll never forget that thing."

Siobhan: "They had a cogent philosophy that we comprehended deeply."

Ally: "Maybe we should forget, though." (😭😭✋✋)

Fig: "Just to be clear, when I was talking about becoming a paladin, it was for 'Yes!'." (😭😭✋✋)

Kristen: "Wait, what? No, no!" 😭✋

Adaine: "Wait, for 'Yes!' or for 'Yes??'" 💀💀💀

Zac: "I'll never forget that thing sliding out of-" 😭✋

Ally: "Yeah, sliding out of that hole." 😭✋

Siobhan: "Just so wet."

Murph: "That thing getting pooped out of space." 😭😭✋✋

Brennan: "Basically, there is an intense series of rules and restrictions, but you see this rule doesn't apply to mortals. It applies to the gods."

Siobhan: "Oh! So the gods also forget the name?!"

Brennan: "They do not."

Siobhan: "Oh! And that's why we remember Yes!, 'cause we're all gods!" (😂💀 IMAGINE! 😂💀)

Brennan: "You're all gods! Obliviati Mori is a precept that binds deities to not evangelize or even speak of fallen deities to mortals. In other words, it's written out as a precept of basically like, if a god succumbs to some form of death, they become archfey, they become a demon or a celestial rather than a full deity, if they only have a few dozen followers and another god kills them and they don't have the strength to withstand that, or if literally, in the most extreme cases, their name is fully forgotten, other deities are not allowed to effectively remind mortals of their existence."

Siobhan: "So does that mean that the person who wrote the note that is supposed to be from Lucy was actually a god?"

Brennan: "It makes it very unclear who could have written that. Because you're in this weird position where you guys can all write Yes!, you can write Cassandra. This god is one whose name has actually been forgotten or scrubbed by every single mortal."

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 8

Enter the Vultureverse

Welcome back to the Report Card where we are having a mini recap because my schedule has been off the wall bonkers! Luckily, this week we can split the episode pretty neatly into two sections: research and fighting. We’ll go more in depth on the research than the fighting because those are the bits that will be more long term plot relevant though I’m sure the fighting will be long term relevant to Gorgug and the therapist I hope he has because yikes gang!

First things first, we resolve stress tokens which the party has to use to nerf themselves and take disadvantage on the skills they choose. They are as follows: 

Fig: Insight and Religion. 

Gorgug: Initiative, Insight, Deception, and Charisma Saves. 

Adaine: Initiative, Intimidation and Persuasion. 

Fabian: Tool Proficiencies, History, Investigation, and Perception. 

Kristen: Initiative, Wisdom Saves, and Medicine

Riz: Perception, Survival, Athletics, and Deception.

When we left, Lydia had dropped off all the info from her old party mates and the Bad Kids were surprised to see that it was all written not in Infernal but in Giant. The whole gang (except Gorgug who’s still at home) circles up in Adaine’s tower to help and she casts Comprehend Languages so she can read the texts. Fig tosses Adaine a bardic to juice her History roll which prompts Brennan to have Siobhan roll on a d100. On a 91, Adaine’s stomach gurgles and a cloud of dust mites fly into her eyes, causing her to knock her head and pass out. 

Kristen rushes to her aid (with a medicine check rather than spells since she’s currently out) to stabilize her. Brennan asks if she rolled less than an 8 and even though she didn’t, her stomach also gurgles and she sees a vision of the food court: a flash of red, a familiar scream (not Cass), and then silence. In Adaine’s eyes, she sees splattered blood reflected. Ominous!

Everyone is freaked and they’re getting major shrimp vibes. Fig declares herself cursed and submits to arcana checks from everyone. With his angel-spy necktie, Riz casts Detect Good and Evil and finds a fiendish aura around her that’s different than her natural one. She is for sure cursed.

While this is going on, Gorgug is at home, watching Frostyfaire stuff get set up. His parents allude to some ~mysterious machines~ under tarps and promise not to embarrass him. That’s not oddly specific at all and it certainly won’t come back to bite him in this very same episode. He gets the text from the group that Adaine passed out and goes to meet up with them but, as he leaves, he sees electricity running through one of his parents many gadgets and has a moment of inspiration about how the pulse of the electricity and the pulse of his blood and heart when he’s raging might have some kind of synchronicity. He makes a note and saves it for later. 

OK! Now let’s round up all the new info the party learns from the notes Lydia provided:

There’s a record of Ruvina (Lucy’s god) giving Cass a wedding gift: a Bridle of Frost that would allow her to command a team of fiery horses. The fact that Cass was married is new info and Riz speculates whether she was being married to a giant/giant god.

Apparently, Cass, Galicaea (her sister), and Sol (her brother) were traveling together in the Mountains of Chaos.

(As an aside, we learn that Cass is more aligned with fae and Galicaea is with the elves–we knew that second part already. We also learn that Helio’s mom was a mortal woman.)

We learn of a law of magic called Obliviati Mori by Clerics and the Law of Theothanatic Silence by wizards. It basically means that even though gods can remember dead gods, they’re not allowed to revive them via worship by speaking their name and reminding mortals of them. Adaine gets the sense that if this is a law then it can be broken somehow and Brennan says yes, but there are likely hefty arcane penalties. 

Fabian wonders if Cass’s, “I thought you were dead” was referring to this dead god who is maybe her ex. Riz wonders if Lucy was possessed by a god and that’s how she was able to write down the name of the dead god–something that should have been impossible since no mortals know their name and no gods are allowed to speak or write it. 

Fig thinks the Ratgrinders are being mighty suspicious in their seeming lack of mourning for Lucy and especially in Ivy’s not shocked reaction to seeing her disguised as Lucy. 

(These next pieces of info we don’t get until after a short interlude but I’m gonna put it here to keep it neat.)

Riz thinks that it’s suspicious that Tracker’s church would suddenly be blowing up right when this dead god is coming back and wonders if there might be some shenanigans going on where their worship is somehow being siphoned off to power this other god (something gods are specifically not supposed to do). 

In one of the books, Kristen sees an illuminated page (illuminated as in illustrated–think Book of Kells) that is unfinished. It has an empty arch wreathed in flames and a design of red 24 point stars with sharp rays that are very similar looking to the shatter stars they encountered in the mall fight.

Fig wonders if a union of Doubt and Rage (Cass and this unknown god) was maybe too powerful so their marriage was sabotaged by another god.

After all the research, it’s almost time to go to Frostyfaire, but before they do, Kristen takes a leap of faith and (1) texts Tracker to see if they can meet up since her god is relevant to the investigation and (2) texts her parents to ask if they want to get coffee. Tracker says she’s busy the next few days but she’s free starting on Monday. Kristen's parents don’t text her back but her brother Bucky does and lets her know that her parents are debating it but it feels like they’re gonna say yes. Sibling loyalty! 

Adaine does a Detect Magic on the token Kristen’s teacher gave her and determines that it’s basically a deity-less Holy Symbol so she’s got something to tide her over while she works on getting Cass back. 

Fig, who you’ll recall is dabbling in paladin classes, decides to pray for the first time and attunes to a moment of doubt that’s sacred to her: when her horns first started growing in and it changed her whole life, ultimately for the better. The shards from Cass in Kristen’s pocket glows indigo and she decides to pray with Fig as well, gaining a 6th level spell slot back in the process. 

On to the fair!

When they arrive, Gorgug’s parents welcome them–incluing Fig’s alter-emo Wanda since she’s in disguise to mess with Ruben/hopefully get some info. Riz and Kristen are thinking that all the crunchy, granola kids here from Aguefort are a substantial voting block but, before they can do anything about that, an old druid shows up and offers them a toke of his pipe. 

Fool the Bad Kids once, shame on you, but they’re NOT getting trapped in a net like Max. They all immediately roll to check if something’s up and Adaine crits, clocking the druid as an illusion. Riz casually says, “No thanks Oisin,” as Adaine casts Dispel Magic, revealing not the Ratgrinder’s wizard but their bard, Ruben who sneers at them and then gets into an argument with Gorgug about whether he (Ruben) shits or not. Very normal teenager conversations. Fig has dipped at this point because she wants to debut as Wanda to Ruben at a strategic moment but she secretly hits him with a Hex to his Int to help guard against any rolls he might make to clock her disguise later. She also notices how mad Gorgug is getting at Ruben’s nonsense and texts Porter a list of things that piss Gorgug off, trying to help him out. 

Ruben’s band, My Clerical Gnomance (of course), of which Fabian is a big fan (sure) head to the stage and start playing their set but then, all of a sudden, thunder rumbles and a surge of electricity makes the stage lights go weird. In a flash, Grix appears, hovering above the crowd! He assesses the crowd and finds it full of rulebreakers and felonies so he decides to do his part in restoring “Perfect Order” by CASTING DISINTEGRATE ON RUBEN. Why is he even here? This is so outside of his jurisdiction! He says the school experience is best optimized by being omnipresent but COME ON man! This can’t be legal, even in Spyre!

Anyway, initiative! 

Like I said, we’re really gonna breeze through this fight because it’s mostly non-plot relevant but there are a few things I want to highlight:

Adaine right away burns a portent roll to save Ruben from the Disintegrate. I wonder if, in Ruben’s mind, that’s worth being a little softer towards the Bad Kids in the future. 

Grix uses a spell or ability to awaken all the nearby machines to fight by his side but…uh…the Thistlesprings were busy during the four months of night and they decided to retrofit some of their random appliances into very elaborate sex toys. Both Zac and Gorgug are mortified. 

Ruben curiously doesn’t just ditch when the going gets rough like you might expect someone who only grinds rats to do. He stays and does what you’d hope a bard would do: plays with this band to distribute bardics to everyone. Of course some of that is probably to impress “Wanda” who he spots in the crowd but you have to wonder how much his personal adventuring philosophy aligns with his party’s. Maybe not everything he’s done is logged on the official record. Also, he seems horrified by the situation so either (1) the RG’s aren’t somehow collaborating with Grix, (2) they are but only certain RG’s are in on it, or (3) he’s a great actor which he could be as a bard but I think that’s least likely. 

We learn that Gorgug in addition to his homunculus, Cloaca, now has a steel defender: a gecko named Clobica (a Battle Smith class feature). It’s kinda like a familiar that can attack.

The fight gets hairy fast with multiple Bad Kids getting stunned and Adaine going down. Kristen uses her one spell slot to cast Mass Cure Wounds but that still leaves Adaine, a squishy wizard, surrounded by enemies and a bunch of party members stunned and failing to snap out of it. 

Grix mentions that he was warned to expect tomfoolery in general but especially from the Bad Kids which of course begs the question, “By who?”

Grix is successfully able to cast Dominate Monster on Riz by appealing to his sense of order and visions of Lord Salazar Edge's College of Lone Adventurers dance in his head. He turns his attention to Adaine next (which makes me wonder if he was just consulting a dossier on the Bad Kids in that moment because Riz and Adaine are for sure the ones you’d target with this pitch). 

Now, this episode might be known as the one where they had to fight a sex toy lawnmower except for what happens next. Because, much like in the first fight this season, there is a vulture on this battle set. And our intrepid heroes noticed it immediately. So, back against the wall, party in dire straits, and out of spell slots, Kristen decides to interact with the vulture as the rest of the table give thumbs up, supporting the bit. 

She prays to Cass, asking for help in connecting with the vulture and then gives a now very familiar, “Heyyyyyy girlie.”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?” the vulture says to the surprise of the full table. Feathers whip around the dome and a graphic appears: YOU ARE ENTERING THE VULTURE DIMENSION. A new set is brought out. Everyone is losing their minds. I didn’t take a hit from Ruben's pipe but I feel high. And that’s where we end our episode!

No extras this week because I’m crunched for time but, don’t worry, I’ll roll that all into next recap since the fight continues in the next ep. Can’t wait to figure out what the hell the vulture dimension is tonight! 

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 9

i got a new job and I felt sick last night so. I'm watching this very late. it has been tough avoiding spoilers but I Have Done So

TTTAKING OVER TEENAGE REBELLION

hiiii one and all!!! hii intrepid heroes!!!!

i have been told stuff happens this episode. I'm so excited

"You're mad we're not doing drugs."

"I think this might be gorgug's worst day of his life."

so much happened last episode

totally healthy adult activity.

VULTURE

THE SPELL-LESS KRISTEN APPLEBEES 😭😭

THE VULTURE DIMENSION

I love the projections

DOMINATE MONSTER NO LONGER EFFECTING RIZ

THE VULTURE KING

I think Brennan is loving being the vulture king

NAT 20 FOR FABIAN

"IT'S THE VULTURE KING YOU HAVE TO KISS HIM!"

"One answer and it's Riz."

"I'm so glad I died on that battlefield."

A crisp 500 dollar bill

I love this so much

This is so silly

THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS

"Hey, I'll kill you, you fucker." "kiss him!"

VULTURES YAY OR NAY?

"Can you bring his parents up here—" "NO."

"Feels like five"

"You wanna be in our crew?"

Kristen is really trying to get her friends to romance the vultures.

"Are you a God of some kind?" "I don't mind man."

This season is just Brennan breaking the PCs

oh good god

MAGIC ITEMS!

"Summons 1d4 vultures, they are not under your command."

no bring us back to the vulture dimension im obsessed with it

fireball

18 damage 😭😭😭

"I'm going to think about that for days."

FIRST STRIKE HITS REAL ONE

"get out of my yard."

(Brennan rolling too many dice.)

the little fireball that could!

THE ROMAN CANDLE YOU SHOT AT THE BIG BAD

THE BALL GAVE FABIAN ADVANTAGE

Concentration lost 🔥🔥🔥

is Ruben only able to give bardic

BRENNAN NAT 20

what are we making dex saves for.

ZERO DEX SAVE. KRISTEN.

"I'm dead from shame."

ADAINE DOWN? NOOOO

29!!

So many dice for Fabian

"Don't worry I got the ones out guys" Emily 😭😭😭

"I'm actually a huge fan."

so now that grix is destroyed does that mean there's no principal?

Ruben's frantically calling for Wanda

"I'm real right?"

"What happened? I was taking a shit."

"Do you have a warrant? Do you have a fucking warrant?"

Adaine is still dead on the ground

THE IDENTIFY SPELL

grix is untampered with

I miss ayda

29 investigation 🔥

GLOWING STINGERS? GROWING RED? LIKE THE SYNOD?

24 points glowing red

Rage connection!!

"Can we get some hot sauce before we leave?"

HE ATE THE VULTURE FOR NOTHING

"Found another glass of water"

Fabian finally getting his kisses in.

Nat 20 history rat check

SEXY RAT

"You know thats triggering for me!"

Rat stores

"There's not a rat world under the school."

Rat World!!!

BabyBojörn

oh god fig gave Fabian a bardic

sexuality inclusivity for cassandra!

aww..... fabian took bardic from fig earlier...

"You are. Cursed."

RIZ NAT 20!!!!

NOOO YOLANDA

Force damage...

Three hours????

ah yes another use of the identity spell!

"You could multi class into wizard!" "Yeah, add it to the fuckin' pile."

AN UNHOLY LAST RITES

NOOO YOLANDA

There's something under the tree?? glyth???

LUCY FROSTBLADE DEAD BODY

I think Fig's bad luck is genuinely effecting Emily too with all these bad rolls 😭😭😭😭

Did.... Did the rat grinders kill Lucy???????

let adaine use the diamonds. finders keepers

divine intervention........

Kristen will have to work so hard to get cassandra back

spies tongue curse???

"Call an adult?"

"You were such a good teacher, I'm sorry I just got a C..." 😭😭

THIS IS SO HEARTBREAKING!!!

LUCY AND YOLANDA'S SOULS HELD HANDS BEFORE GOING TO HEAVEN. ACTUALLY CRYING

BUD CUBBY THE REALEST EVER

FIG NAT 20

level of exhaustion :(

elmville police departments always on fire

"David..."

AGENT CLARK?!?!?!?

did he just take the dirt like a line of drugs?

one becomes a 10 which becomes a 19

*head in hands* "is it okay if I ask you about your case, mom?"

"So I'm unbelievably wealthy. And me and my friends just discovered the site of a double homicide. So....."

Group IV time, or group shock therapy.

Gorgug putting barbarian first

HE'S DOING ARTIFICER SPELLS WHILE RAGING!!!

"We need a word."

Gorgug talking to Porter is so funny

ok. wait this is actually kinda sweet between Porter and Gorgug

"I feel lucky to have you in my class." 😭😭😭😭

MCAT SIGNED!!!

The Last Stand exam?

KRISTEN MIGHT PASS FAIL?

oh god. 4 stress tokens

I wonder if the intrepid heroes are aware of the 5 stress token

"I'm in a lot of school."

Gorgug looking into building a time machine real as hell

Oh my god gorgug is still on the owlbears

"Okay I think I have to lie down."

I'm going to fight the wizard teacher

"I love my life. Everything is perfect."

"... YOU'RE WORKING?"

AELWYN LONELY ARK

10 CATS??

aelwyn and adaine bonding 😭😭

AELWYN IS WORKING FOR KIPPERLILLY COPPERHEAD???

I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE