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poemsforparker · 3 years

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empty cups - druig (college!au) 18+

“Hands on your body like there is no one at the party

Just me and you and these empty cups

If you want it like I want it

Let me take you to another room

So it's only us”

pairing: druig x f!reader

summary: on a party to celebrate the ending of the semester you finally get the guts you didn’t have the whole year to talk to the popular boy out of campus

smut prompts: “wanna go somewhere quieter?”; “keep it down or someone’ll hear us”

warnings: smut (18+ only, minors DNI), alcohol (no one's drunk!), unprotected sex, masturbation (m + f recieving), dirty talking, pwp.

a.n.: I was supposed to post this on Valentine’s day so consider this my late happy Valentine’s for all of my Druig lovers out there! :)

He looked absolutely breathtaking. His hand tightening around a yellow cup were taking your mind to far away places. Sure, he was always pretty, and you were always attracted to him, who wouldn’t be? But today, specially, the mix of the alcohol with the feeling you weren’t going to see him at least for a long time until the classes started again were giving you a distinct braveness to go and talk to him.

Your head was a little dizzy, sure, but you were fully on your senses. After having your friend ask you a billion times if you were sure, which nearly made you quit. You were joined with him before by your professors to do some assignments together, it’s not like you never spoke with him before, but it was never much beyond regular subjects that evolved college itself. You walk towards him, feeling your belly twist in a funny feeling when he turns the look from his group of friends to you.

— Hey, beautiful. - and there was this, the pet names. You were sure he used with any other girl but it made your legs feel like jelly.

— Hey, Druig.

— What brings you here? - he leans his head to the side in curiosity smiling at you.

— Oh, I- um, nothing, really, I just wanted to finish the semester without my only conversations with you being about Mr.Williams’s classes - you chuckle.

— They were hell, weren’t they? - he giggles showing his lovely dimple.

— Tell me about it, honestly, I could smell cigarettes the whole class, I thing I developed a whole new type of asthma. - you both laugh.

— But you’re not here to talk about her. - he points his finger at you in playful accusation.

— Right, Yeah-

— Where you goin’ after this? - you’re thankful he interrupted you since you didn’t really know what to say.

— Uhm- home? - you shrug - I don’t intent to walk out of here any sobber so not really up to anything else - you take what was left of your drink in a long gulp and he takes the empty cup out of your hands without warning. - What are you doing?

— Maybe... It's better if you stay sobber, young lady' - he takes a step towards you, leaning closer to speak on a whisper. Making you involuntarily put your legs closer, tightening one to the other. You look at him grinning, numb by the proximity he had of you.

— And what would that be for?

— You wanna go somewhere quieter?

— Just like that? Not even dinner first? - you provoke

— I can get you some very fancy nachos they're serving here, that would do? - you giggle at his response

— I do want to. - you take his and in yours and before he starts leading to way to God knows where you stop giving him a childish look - Go somewhere quieter, I mean, not the nachos, don't know if that was clear. - you lean your head.

— Pretty clear to me, gorgeous - he winks smiling widely and start walking hand in hand with you.

He leads you to a room and closes the door behind him, you can still hear the muffled party music when he does so. Without saying a word more when getting there he puts his hands in the back of your neck pulling you closer to him, but didn't miss you yet, just brushing his lips on yours.

— You are one hundred percent aware of what you're doing right? - he asks you once more, his voice cracking, afraid you drank to much already. You giggle at his concern and reassure him.

— Had one or two beers, Druig, I'm as sobber as I can be - you break the space between you attacking his lips with yours, feeling a taste of alcohol and mint gum on the kiss, when his hands travel around your body and give your boobs a tight squeeze through your shirt, making you whine louder than you were expecting. — Sorry. - you smile looking at him with his eyes opened when he heard you. You didn't know if it was because of the low light of the room but his normally bright blue eyes were as dark as the night sky looking at you ir pure desire.

— Don't apologize, honey, I loved hearing you. - he kisses you fervently and this time you break it taking his shirt off in s fast movement, tossing it in the corner of the room - Someone's in a hurry.

— Shut up.

— You know - he says between kisses - I've always wanted to do this with yo- he smiles seeing you put your hands inside if his pants and holds his words back, stoping to enjoy the feeling of your hands around his pulsating cock.

— You were saying, honey? - you look him in the eyes, inches away from his face, your noses touching when you speak, now pumping his dick slowly with your hands, your eyes matching his in a look full of lust.

— Hmhm I was- he mumbles some none sense trying to get the words to his mouth - I was saying - he tightens the grip on your waist pulling you closer while you still slowly masturbate him - I've pictured you like this before,- he takes a lock of hair from your forehead - In my head. You looking at me like that.

— Like what?

— Like a little slut.

— You like what you see, love? - you tight your grip on his cock, fastening your pace and seeing him bite his lips and nod.

— A lot. - he pulls you to a heated, sloppy kiss taking your hand out of his pants and pulling you to the bed you didn't care much at the moment who it belonged to. He sits and you put your legs on each side of him, now on his lap. Breaking the kiss you let your lips travel around his neck and a part of his naked chest, hearing the whines come out of his mouth making you feel your panties soaked.

On a quick move Drugs slides his hands inside your skirt, ticking the skin of your thighs to finally reach your panties, feeling the wetness of your pussy on his fingers and starting to move them in a slow pace still above the issue, putting pressure on your clit and hearing you whine. He sees you pull your head up leaving easier access to your neck and starts kissing and sucking it.

— This feels good, huh? You like it? You like it when I make you wet like this. - he puts your panties to the side letting his fingers in contact with your flesh, the contrast between your hot cunt and his cold fingers making you whimper and unconsciously hop on his hand to increase the contact. - You want me to put my fingers in you, love? Huh? - you nod while he kisses your neck - I'm gonna feel this warm little pussy in my hands. - he mumbled against your sensitive skin sending shivers down your spine. - Gonna make you feel so good, princess.

You let out a loud moan when he put his fingers on you, simulating your swollen clit with the other hand. You push your hips towards his touch and feel the knot on your stomach form.

— Holy shit, please, Druig I- fuck - you lean over him trying to hold your noises, thankful the sound outside was loud - Keep doing it, don’t stop, please. - you pull him back to kiss his lips until you feel your release coming on his fingers, making him look at you like a starved animal, he puts two fingers in your mouth making you taste yourself while sucking them.

— Good girl, that’s right, cleaning your mess, baby. I bet you taste as good as you feel.

— I want to feel you, Druig. - you say once his fingers are out of your mouth, touching your forehead with his. - inside me, please. - you almost beg.

— You’re clean? - he says trailing kisses down your neck and taking your shirt off to have easier access to your breasts, you groan with the feeling and chuckle slightly due to his concerned tone in the question.

— Yeah, you?

— Hmhm. - he mumbles against your skin, his mouth to busy to spill out any words.

— Good, good. Then hurry up with this - you smile holding his hair with your hands. As much as you enjoyed the feeling of his mouth biting and sucking your tits, you wanted him inside you, plus the constant reminder people would miss you at the party and you didn’t really want to explain you were gone for so long because you were fucking with a boy after a thirty second conversation.

— Let me enjoy your gorgeous body first, baby. - you groan with the vibrations of his voice hitting your skin and let his mouth do it's job, your core tightening and pulsating as an effect his words had on you. Once you felt like you had enough you grab his hair locks to make him look at you, without having to say a word, Druig gets your sign and gets rid of your skirt and panties, like the look you gave him was the final drop he needed to get as needy as you were.

He leans your body carefully on the bed, tossing his own pants and underwear across the room in fast movements. His dick slaps against his stomach making a sinful moan scape your lips just by the sight as he leans down hovering above you. You look at his pulsating member dangerously close to your cunt and lead your hands towards it, Druig stops you pinning your hands above your head, holding them in place effortlessly. He looks at you with a boyish smile.

— Tell me what you want me to do, darling.

— I want you to fuck me, Druig. I need you inside of me. - you mumble quietly against his lips, noses touching and your mouth brushing in his as you speak. He pumps his cock a couple times more before putting it inside of you, filling and stretching your folds like a perfect fit, making you hiss with the feeling, adjusting your position beneath him.

— What is it? - he realizes you´re unquiet. - Can't take my huge cock, princess? - he feels you tight around him with his words and loses the dominant pose for a second, trying not to lose himself and start moving recklessly.

— Move. - you grin looking at him. Not needing a second more he gives you a strong lunge that feels like blows your insides, ticking all your senses at the same time on an crazy amount of pleasure.

— Atta, girl. - he whispers against your lips.

His words sent waves of pleasure up to your core. The sight of his face twisting in pleasure with every other lunge could make you cum just by itself. It was the most sinful yet most heavenly thing you’ve ever seen in your life. The silver chain oh his neck hitting your cheek when he fastened his pace, making you forget for those moments where you were, leaving out loud moans and begs of his name.

— They´ll hear you like that, sweetie. - he whispers in your ear, voice cracking when he tries to mouth more than four words.

— Let ‘em - you hold his shoulders strongly when you feel a familiar knot building back on your belly, your face showing him well enough that you were close without the need for words. He brings his hand down to rub your clit in circular motions while kissing your jaw and neck. - Druig, I’m gonna-

— Let it all out for me, honey, will ya? I want to feel your pussy clinging ‘round my dick, you can come. Come for me, baby, c’mon.

You let out your juices all over his dick, making him release himself right after you, making a mess on your thighs and belly and on the sheets. Druig lets his body fall over yours, without the strength to get up by himself and you both lay in silence enjoying the after sex atmosphere.

— Should I give you my number or sum? - you ask chuckling, he lifts up his chin to look at you, head resting on your bare chest as your breaths got back to the regular pace.

— I’d love that, beautiful. - he grins widely kissing your chest.

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contentconsumer · 3 years

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It’s always been you

A/n: First Druig fic and first time writing for the MCU, let me know what you think! GIF not mine & my requests are open! Word count: 1,575 Requested?: No Pairing: Druig X F!Reader Summary: Overdue confessions and when I say overdue I mean thousands of years overdue

“The beautiful beautiful Makkari'' You can’t help the sigh that escapes your lips as you overhear Druig speaking, letting your head fall towards the goblet you were drinking from staring into the deep red liquid. You knew you couldn’t get drunk but you could definitely try. “You know no good ever comes from eavesdropping?” A voice appears behind you, Gilgamesh , “Who’s eavesdropping?” You fire back, “Well I couldn’t help but notice the way you slumped over when you-know-who complimented our friend.” “I think you’re seeing things Gil,” You let out a dry chuckle trying to convince both Gilgamesh and yourself that Druig’s words didn’t hurt you. “You know you could just tell him you love him?” You now turn to face the eternal behind you, he’s staring down at your smaller frame with an eyebrow quirked and a sly smile ghosts his lips. “Now don’t call me crazy or anything but I have a feeling he’s not interested. Plus love is so very human which we are very not.” “Sometimes I wish the locals didn’t teach you things like sarcasm, let it up Y/N you’ve fought by my side for eons and you expect us not to notice how you look at him? Or nonetheless how he looks at you? Trust me he’s more interested than you think.” The air felt thicker in your lungs, “Gui I love you but please leave it be, it’s not me - it’ll never be me.” You whisper, standing and making a swift exit to get some fresh air. What you miss is the mindreaders eyes following you the whole way out and the concerned expression which laces his features.

While outside you breathe out deeply trying to fill your burning lungs with oxygen. As much as you hated to admit it, you were in love with Druig. Completely, humiliatingly, in love with him. You can’t remember when your infatuation started. Maybe it had always lurked deep in your heart but you couldn’t help but feel like you were meant to be together. Yet the love you felt seemed completely one sided - Druig didn’t hate you or anything, almost the opposite, you two were very close friends which makes his interest in Makkari even worse. He had never out rightly told you he wanted to pursue a relationship with her but his obvious flirting made it clear to you. Recently it’s become hard to be around Druig as you try to keep your butterflies at bay and so you began to distance yourself. You felt it was for the best - you could keep your friendship with Druig and he had more time to flirt with Makkari.

Druig knew something was off, he didn’t need to read your mind to notice how you left the room when he entered or wouldn’t laugh as hard at his jokes as you used to, to be honest he thought you were getting bored of being around him. For some time he tried to convince himself he was making it up, it was his own insecurities he was projecting but soon the other eternals noticed something was wrong and began to question him, and what hurt him the most is he didn’t know what he did. After watching your departure from the party, he refocused his attention on Makkari. Half of him wanted to chase after you to find out why you had left in such a hurry but the other half realised you probably didn’t want him there. ‘You should speak to her’ Makkari signed across the table, “I don’t think she’ll want to speak to me” Druig murmurs, reuling on her powers to feel vibrations and lip read to understand what he said. ‘You won’t know unless you try’ She signs, this time he unfolds his previously crossed arms to sign back, ‘What if I make it worse?’ ‘You won’t unless you do something stupid’ His mind begins to race, what includes something stupid? He felt like crying out, he didn’t know what to do, he wanted to take you in his arms and take away anything that makes you upset yet it seems like you want nothing to do with him.

Before you started ignoring Druig, he was planning to tell you he was in love with you and had been for thousands of years. Makkari was helping him plan the way he would tell you and what he would say, but the fear of rejection and self doubt lingered in his thoughts so he continued to put off the admission no matter how harsh Makkari was on him.

Druig can’t stand the thought of you standing out in the cold by yourself anymore so he stands, you can either come back inside into the warm and ignore him or maybe you two could have the longest conversation in the past few months. Makkari claps lightly as he stands, however he brushes it off and saunters over to the entrance, he walks under the entryway and finds you standing slightly further along the path.

“Y/N!” You could recognise that voice anywhere, it just so happened to be the voice you least wanted to hear right now. You turn nonetheless to see Druig jogging to meet up to where you were stood. “Is everything alright?” His thick accent is laced with concern, “Yeah I just needed some air” “Come on Y/N I know you, it’s more than that” “Honestly, it’s nothing Druig just go back inside” “I’m not going in without you it’s freezing” He shrugs, it angers you how calm he is, how he couldn’t comprehend how your heart is beating in your chest so fast it feels like it might jump out you skin, “Druig I said go back inside!” You throw your hands up in the air, “Why can’t you just listen to me!” “Because you won’t tell me the truth!” Anger laces Druig’s features, all his emotions he’s bottled up over the past few months bubble to the surface, “You avoid me everyday, you never want to see me but when I ask you say everythings fine! But it’s not fine and I want to know why you won’t speak to me anymore, what did I do?” “You did nothing, Druig! You don’t get it” “Then explain it, I can fix it” Tears prick your eyes as you look up towards the man in front of you “You can’t fix it! I don’t want to be around you anymore!” The look on Druig’s face makes you instantly regret the words that just fell from your lips, it’s like his insecurities swallowed him whole and he takes a step back, “I’m sorry for trying to be your friend Y/N” He tuts, trying to hide his emotions from you, to make him seem less vulnerable, “God I can’t believe you grew sick of me” He mutters as he turns on his heel, “What are you talking about Dru, I never got sick of you?” You use the nickname only he lets you use, “Then why ignore me? It’s like you hate me!” Tears fill his eyes, “You mean so much to me Y/N and one day you woke up and decided you hated me!” “I never hated you Druig, I couldn’t stand seeing you flirt with Makkari!” You let your emotions take control of you, letting out everything you wish you had more of a chance to say, “It hurts seeing you chase after someone over and over again when I’ve loved you for thousands of years and you can’t see it! IT hurts Druig. You. Don’t. Understand.” The last sentence laced with venom as tears flowed freely down your face. Druig opens his mouth to reply but you weren’t finished yet, “God it hurt so much seeing how happy she made you, how you two would sneak around always plotting and planning things I didn’t know! So go back inside and be with her and leave me alone!” Your voice cracks and you look to the floor thinking you’re going to hear Druig’s footsteps receding yet the get louder in your hears and you feel a cold hand push your chin up to look, your teary eyes meet, and Druig has that stupid smirk, “Y/N,” he breaths deeply, “Makkari and I weren’t sneaking around. We were planning how I was going to tell you that I loved you” You look at him with disbelief, but he places a finger on your lips to silence you, “But now” he chuckles, “You’ve ruined it by telling ME you love me first” A shaky breath leaves your lips, and you blink at Druig with the weight of a new relationship falling on your shoulders, “You’re not just saying that?” You question, “I wouldn’t lie about these things if that's what you're insinuating” Druig raises his eyebrows before regaining his serious composure, “I love you Y/N. I always have. It’s always been you, no one else”. Without thinking you crash your lips into his, he’s quick to respond and kiss you back pouring thousands of years of love and emotion into one kiss. You pull away for air and lean your forehead against his. The smiles on your faces bright enough to light a city, Druig places his large hand into your smaller one, “Shall we go back inside m’love? They might wonder where we are.” You nod, and begin your short walk back, “I never took you for the jealous type.” “DRU.”

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tom-whore-dleston · 2 years

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Barbie and the 900 Followers

HOLY SHIZZZ!!! I'm freaking out in silence but I am just extremely thankful to have met so many amazing folks like y'all! I love you guys for real 🥹🫶🏽

Since the Barbie movie releases in almost a year, I thought I'd hype up the movie in advance with a Barbie themed sleepover. No sleepover is complete without our fave doll 😊 Plus, Simu is in it so I gotta give the husband my full support bahaha

*in Margot Robbie's Barbie voice* NOW WHO'S READY FOR SOME FUN????

In the Barbie world:

Starts: July 16 @ 9am (PST)

Ends: July 18 @ 11:59pm (PST)

You are welcome to send in asks before the sleepover starts, but I won’t start responding to them until the start time.

As always, please be 18+ to participate! If I do not see any indication of your age in your bio or you do not have any posts/reblogs, you will be blocked! No exceptions!!

You don’t have to be following me to participate. Everyone is welcome 😊

I disabled anon feature to avoid meanies and minors.

Please send one emoji per ask. You don’t have to worry about spamming my inbox, I will see everything 😉

I will not write/discuss anything revolving around non-con, underage, a/b/o, bathroom kinks, blood kinks (only exception is vampire AU if applicable), incest, step-cest, foot fetish, pregnancy/babies.

I only write for female reader inserts with no specific race/ethnicity, hair/eye/skin color, body type, etc.

I reserve the right to deny writing/discussing any other things that make me uncomfortable.

C'mon Barbie, let's go party!

Ken Loves Barbie 👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼 - Mutuals only! ask me who I ship you with and I will write a lil sumn on your relationship with them (will only ship with fictional hotties)

Blonde Bimbo Girl 👱🏻‍♀️ - Writer followers! send me a fic that you wrote and I will give you a good ol’ tom-whore-dleston essay review

Life in plastic 👠 - Send me a hottie and a prompt from one of lists below and I'll write a quick fic (feel free to add AUs/tropes/etc. for some flavor)

fluff/smut/physical || angst 1 & 2

You're my doll 💄 - Let’s play an ask game (cym, fmk, wyr, etc). Feel free to spice it up to your liking 😉

Dress me up👗 - Send me any scenarios or concepts that you envision for any of my AUs (Teach Me Tonight, Honey Baby, The Avengers Sweethearts) and I will write a drabble or head canon for them

Dreamhouse Adventures 🏠 - send me an AU/trope + hottie and I will make a moodboard (check out previous moodboards I have made for ideas)

Feel the glamour in pink 💖 - the floor is yours to get to know me better, thirst over a hottie, talk about your day, etc. Please just be respectful and do not send me any celeb discourse!

Oh, I love you, Ken 💘

♥ Real life hotties ♥

Simu Liu*, Tom Hiddleston, Tom Holland, Austin Butler*, Barry Keoghan, Andrew Garfield, Harry Styles, Oscar Isaac, Michael B. Jordan, Benedict Cumberbatch, Hayden Christensen

♥ Fictional hotties ♥

Marvel: Loki Laufeyson, Xu Shang-Chi/Shangqi*, Peter Parker (any variant), Xu Wenwu, Erik Kilmonger, Scott Lang, Thor Odinson*, Druig, Kingo, Eros/Starfox, Sam Wilson, Pietro Maximoff (Age of Ultron), Joaquin Torres, Bucky Barnes, Moonknight (all alters)*, Stephen Strange

Star Wars: Din Djarin, Anakin Skywalker*, Obi Wan Kenobi, Poe Dameron

Other: Kim Jung* (Kim’s Convenience), any of Sim Liu’s SNL characters (I am dead serious), Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive), Johnathan Pine (The Night Manager), Robert Laing (High Rise), James Conrad (Kong: Skull Island), Nathan Drake (Uncharted), Arvin Russel (The Devil All The Time)

An * indicates who I am simping for most at the moment and highly encourage asks for them!

dividers: @firefly-in-darkness

#barbie and the 900 followers #Ken Loves Barbie 👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼#Blonde Bimbo Girl 👱🏻‍♀️#Life in plastic 👠#You're my doll 💄#Dress me up👗#Dreamhouse Adventures 🏠#Feel the glamour in pink 💖

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

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Broken-fourteen

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/pinterest.

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, alcoholism, death, slight mention of attempted death, and abusive ex.

Summary: A failed marriage wasn’t in the cards for Reader, she thought she found her happily ever after with Barry. While trying to overcome the heartbreak, a tragic event brings them back together temporarily. Will the devastating loss bring them back together or be what pushes them apart for good?

Authors Note: Enjoy!

The wind blew softly through the strands of my hair as I stood on the grassy plains of wherever I was, eyes staring off into the distance where if I squinted them hard enough I could see the waves from the small beach that was just past the edge of the cliff I was standing on. My skin pricked with goosebumps as the wind now brushed against the skin of my bare shoulders and I brought my arms closer to my chest for some warmth. The only noise came from the birds in the trees and the faint sounds of the water. There was a soft presence behind me however I didn’t need to look over my shoulder to see who it was. Their eyes burned deep into my back.

“Please don’t say anything,” I begged quietly.

I couldn’t bear hearing the disappointment in their voice.

“Y/N.”

Even though it had been so long since I last heard his voice, it still sounded the same. With a shaky breath, I turned a bit, and when his brown eyes met mine; I choked out a sob.

“Dad,” I cried.

My father smiled brightly at me. “Hi, sweetheart.”

Tears burned in the corners of my eyes and when they landed on the more petite woman beside him, her hair pulled back into a tight bun, the sight of her that made the tears finally fall.

“Mom,” I sobbed running into her arms.

Without hesitation, my mom’s arms wrapped around me in a hug that immediately brought me a sense of warmth and safety. Her fingers stroked through the strands of my hair and I closed my eyes at the familiar soothing action.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I cried into her chest.

My mom let out a deep breath before pulling me away slightly so she could look into my eyes. They were glossy because of the tears.

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s alright.”

Her soft voice soothed my sobs until she began speaking again.

“How are you?”

Slowly, I pulled away from her only so I could stare at both of my parents then gave them a shrug. “I’m okay.”

My father crossed his arms, the darkness of the hairs that covered them glinted in the sunlight. “You’ve never hid your feelings from us before, Y/N. Don’t start now.”

My bottom lip trembled as I blew out a shaky breath. They always knew when I was lying or hiding something from them.

“Everything is so fucked up,” I cringed when I saw the stern look from my mother and apologized for the curse.

She never liked it when I swore.

“It’s not fair. You two should be here with me during my relapse. I need my parents,” I cried.

If they were disappointed in me, it didn’t show. No matter what I did growing up, I could never disappoint them. Yes, some of my choices upset them but they were always there to help me deal with it.

Except.

Not right now.

“We’re always with you, sweetheart,” My mom cooed while my dad nodded in agreement.

I shook my head with tears burning at the corners of my eyes. “NO! It’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to bury you two. Not yet, and not alone.”

My father’s strong hand brushed the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “You weren’t alone.”

When he saw the confusion in my eyes, he continued. “Barry was there. He’s been there with you through everything.”

Anger filled me at the mention of his name.

“I was an idiot for letting him back into my life,” I admitted quietly.

“No,” my mother shook her head. “Whether you want to believe it, Barry is what you need right now.”

I vigorously shook my head. “No. I need you two.”

My parents shared a look before leading me towards the edge of a cliff and as we all sat down, I heard the waves crash below us, way down below us. With my fingers linked through my dad’s, I rested my head against my mom’s shoulder. They let silence fall between us, knowing that I needed this; them.

After a long moment, my mom’s soft voice broke through the quiet.

“You need to stop blaming yourself, Y/N. What happened to your father and I, it wasn’t because of you.”

I sniffled. “But if I was here with you instead of in the States, I could have driven you guys home that night.”

It was my father's eyes that burned deep into me that made me look over at him.

“Why? It rained that night, I could barely see through the storm. The roads were slick, and I lost control,” he said.

My lips parted, unable to say anything. Of course, I knew my parents would never drink and drive. I mentally smacked myself for even believing Nora for a second. She always lied about things like this. Which made me wonder for a split second if she was lying about Barry. But there was also Ian who claimed that Barry said I was an easy fuck.

Tears burned in my eyes but I squeezed them shut, not wanting to cry anymore. My head was throbbing, and I needed a second to think clearly. Everything in the last twenty-four hours had messed with my mind, making it a puddled mess, and now being with my parents again I didn’t want to ruin it because I was fucked up.

“If I wasn’t dealing with the divorce, I could have-.”

The words died on my lips, unsure what I was even trying to say.

I could have what?

Drove them home that night and die as well?

“Maybe if I didn’t relapse, things would be different,” I said.

“How so?” My mom asked.

I thought carefully over my next words. “If I didn’t text Barry the first night back, maybe I could deal with things differently. I think him being around me again made the whole grieving process harder.”

My dad snorted. “It’s not Barry’s fault you relapsed, Y/N. It was your choice to pick up that bottle. To blame him is fucked up.”

Ouch.

His words stung but knew I needed this moment of tough love. With my eyes cast down at my hands, I didn’t need to peer up at my mom to see the look she was giving my dad for him swearing.

“I know,” I sighed. “All I’m saying is that he doesn’t care about me the way I do him, not anymore. I don’t even know why he stayed.”

“You think he doesn’t care about you?” My mom asked.

“I know he doesn’t,” I corrected.

“Right,” she nodded. “If he doesn’t care, then why is he swimming in the ice-cold waters trying to pull your body out?”

My eyes widened, my heart thumping hard in my chest, as I followed her gaze to the waters below. Sure enough, we watched as Barry broke through the harsh waters, dragging my body up with him. Even from this distance, his voice carried up to us.

“I’ve got ya, grá. Don’t let go, please.”

Sobs plowed through my body as we watched Barry carry my body up to the sand, wasting no time and giving me CPR, his hands pressing hard against my chest for a few beats before his lips pressed onto mine, breathing life into me.

“Am I-am I dead?” I asked.

This entire time, I wasn’t sure if this experience with my parents was real or a dream. But I never thought it could be because I died. My parents stayed quiet as my eyes never left Barry down below. He continued to switch between chest compressions and then back to breathing life into me.

Suddenly, lights sparkled behind my eyes as I felt oxygen fill my lungs. My body shook in my parent’s embrace.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

A faint smile graced my mom’s face. “We love you so much, Y/N. Please take care of yourself. You can mourn us but don’t let our death consume you.”

My dad squeezed my hand. “Don’t believe all the lies. You know the truth. Let Barry take care of you.”

My gaze bounced between my parents, their figures slowly fading away from my sight, but not before my mom cupped my cheek.

“Hurtful words mean nothing against us. We rise above them.”

I awoke with a loud gasp; the oxygen filling my lungs, as I sat up hastily looking at my surroundings. Where I thought I would awake on the beach, it surprised me to find myself in a room I hadn’t recognized. Fear dug deep into me as I wondered if everything I had dreamed was in fact, just a dream. Barry never saved me instead someone else had and brought me back to their place. But when my eyes landed on the figure sitting on the chair next to the bed, pillow clutched tightly against his chest, I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding.

When our eyes locked, he made no effort to jump to his feet, only burning his blue iris’ into me. The low scowl on his face was only noticeable because of the orange glow that broke through the curtains covering the window. My chest rose and fell as I did my best to calm my breathing but the longer Barry stared at me with that look, the more I felt myself slinking back down into the unfamiliar bed.

Though, it wasn’t an unfamiliar bed. In fact, I knew this bed and this room. The comforter was exactly the same, the same one I had picked out when we first moved in. The chair that Barry sat in was a gift from my parents. It came from my grandma on my mom’s side and it was one of the few pieces of furniture we had when we moved it. Even if I knew where I was, I still needed to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“Where am I?”

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head when I heard how wrecked my voice sounded.

Barry ignored my question by tossing the pillow onto the floor at his feet, resting his elbows on his knees. He let out a long, broken, sigh while running a hand over his face.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” he spat through gritted teeth.

#barry keoghan angst #barry keoghan masterlist #barry keoghan fluff #barry keoghan smut #barry keoghan #barry keoghan gifs #barry keoghan x reader #barry keoghan and reader #barry keoghan reader insert #barry keoghan fanfic

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-Sixteen

*credit to me(thefallennightmare) for creating this gif. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, alcoholism, death, slight mention of attempted death, and abusive ex.

Authors Note: holy moly it's been a while. Hopefully, this chapter doesn't suck too much.

"You're a fucking idiot," Barry spat through gritted teeth.

I stared blankly at him, unsure how to respond so instead I looked down at my hands that were clasped together in my lap. The familiar bed and the memories that Barry and I shared in it made my stomach flutter and face burn. But then thoughts of if he had someone else in this bed made a sick feeling rise in my throat.

"I want to go home," my voice was hoarse.

Barry shook his head, elbows still resting on his knees. "No, you're staying here. It's not healthy for you to stay in that house with all the memories of your parents."

My eyes snapped over to him, anger radiating through me. "And you think staying in the house we shared is any better? How many girls have you brought in this bed since our divorce?"

"Stop avoiding things, Y/N," Barry said.

I scoffed while throwing the covers off of me. "Look who's avoiding things."

Looking down at myself, I saw I was wearing one of Barry's shirts and a pair of his boxers. My hair was still damp as I ran a hand through it.

"Did you-did you dress me?" I stuttered.

"You were ice cold after I pulled you from the water. I brought you here and put you in the shower to warm you up." Barry said while running a hand over his face.

Instantly I threw the covers back over me to cover myself in front of him, which made Barry smirk despite his anger.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, gra."

The heat that rushed through me from being exposed in front of Barry and now the pet name was enough to make a sweat break out on the back of my neck.

"What were you thinking?" Barry asked after a beat of silence.

I twirled the blanket between my fingers as I let out a deep breath. Truth was, I don't know what I was thinking. Everything from the last twenty-four hours had blurred everything from right to wrong and the pain of my parents' death and finding out the things Barry had said about me ate away at me. I wanted it to stop, the voices of doubt and blame to finally be quiet.

As if remembering I relapsed last night, my head throbbed in agony and I closed my eyes with a groan. Barry sighed while standing from the chair and handed me a glass of water and a small pill.

"It's for the hangover," he said.

I took it, swallowing it down with a grateful amount of water. Barry took the glass from me and set it back on the table next to the bed. With his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes burned into the side of my head as he waited for the answer to his question.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted everything to stop," I whispered, not daring to meet his gaze.

"So you try to kill yourself?"

I gritted my teeth, hearing what came from his lips made my insides churn.

"I didn't-."

My voice faltered because there was no point in denying it. That's exactly what I did.

"You have no reason to be upset with me, Barry." I began again.

"Upset?!" His voice boomed in the small room, eyes widening. "Do you have any idea how destroyed I was watching you sink under the waves?"

I jumped with his outburst, teary eyes locking with his as he continued to scold me.

"I thought you died!" Barry blew out a shaky breath to compose himself and began pacing the foot of his bed.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked through my quiet sobs.

I hadn't seen Barry this upset in, well, ever. It was a shocking sight seeing him run a shaking hand through his hair and doing his best to hold back his own tears. But when my voice reached his ears, he abruptly stopped and stared as if I grew another head or something.

"Why do I care?" His accent was thick. "If you had to ask me that, you're really fucking stupid then."

My eyes bore into him as I kneeled up onto the bed. "Fuck off, Barry. The last thing I need right now is you being a dick!"

Heat flashed behind his eyes as his hands clenched at his sides. I could feel his anger radiating off of him in waves but I didn't retreat; I continued to lay into him about everything.

"You should never have came back! I didn't need you here when trying to mourn my parents. I needed to be alone, not with my ex husband. You wanted the divorce so you don't get to come waltzing back into my life like nothing happened between us!"

"Stop fucking blaming me for it," Barry spat.

My eyes almost doubled in size. "Are you serious? Who's fault was if we divorced? I sure wasn't the one that moved on before the papers were even signed."

"Will you ever stop being upset about that?"

I almost laughed at how stupid that question was; almost.

"You're unbelievable. This is why I can't recover from anything because us being together is toxic," I pointed between us.

"Really?" Barry's brow raised as he cocked his head to the side. "If I remember, you loved being with me. In more ways than one."

I didn't miss the innuendo in his words and I bit the inside of my lip, trying to keep those steamy memories in the locked vault inside my brain.

My hair flew over my shoulder as I quickly shook my head. "Don't flatter yourself, Barry. I've had better."

Something mischievous and dark sparked in his eyes, his lips pulling in a tight line. "Oh, have ya?"

I gulped but nodded, not wanting him to see through my lies. "Yep."

Barry ascended on the bed, crawling his way up towards me until I was flat on my back underneath him. My breathing was heavy with lust and I had to bite back a moan when he pressed his hips into mine. I could feel the hardness between his legs as it glided over my warm core. The thin material of the boxers I wore and his sweatpants did nothing to keep the barrier between us strong.

His warm breath tickled the sensitive skin in the crook of my neck while one hand propped himself up and the other left soft touches against the skin of my thigh.

"Tell me about him."

"No," I said through a shaky breath.

Barry hummed while staring down at me, his hips rutting into mine.

"Shit," I moaned, tilling my head back into the pillow.

Satisfied he was right, Barry rolled off of me and sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at my shocked face.

"Fuck you," I seethed as I lay next to him.

He chuckled, amused at this whole interaction before he stared down at his hands, something weighing heavy on his shoulders.

"I ran into Ian last night," he said after a few beats of silence.

"You did? I asked, leaning up onto my elbows.

"I ran into him outside of Murray's. Fucker had a bloody nose."

The corner of my lip curled up in a small smile when I remembered I punched Ian.

"Yeah, he found me on the beach," I explained. "He tried to, uh-."

Memories of last night might have been hazy but I remember Ian trying to force himself on me until I stopped him. I didn't want to tell Barry that, unsure how he would react when he was already so angry with me.

"Well, if you didn't break his nose, I sure did," Barry muttered while rubbing at the bruises on his knuckles.

I kneeled next to him. "You hit Ian?"

His eyes met mine for a few beats before falling back to his hands. "He deserved a lot more than that."

Silence fell between us and I gently laid my head against his shoulder, Barry stiffening at my action. I hated that no matter how angry I was at him, he always melted away that anger and ease my worries. Even though I told him I didn't need him here with me, Barry was exactly what I needed and he knew that. Which is why through everything, he didn't leave.

The two of us were moths and the way we felt about each other was the flame.

"I'm sorry," I breathed my apology. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Barry rested a hand on my thigh and gave a light squeeze, his touch igniting every cell in my body.

"You need help, Y/N. Wether it's here with me or a facility."

I winced when he laid out the ultimatum but knew that it was something I needed to hear. The thought of staying in an unknown place talking about my problems to a room full of strangers scared me more than being with Barry so I took my first choice.

"You shouldn't have to stay with me and all of my problems, Barry. You got a way out with our divorce," I said.

His thumb brushed underneath my chin as he tilted my gaze up to meet his. There was still a fire behind them but this one differed from before; it was warm and intoxicating.

"You can give me a bunch of different ways out of this but I'm not going anywhere, gra. Alright?" His voice was quiet, but I didn't miss the hesitation in voice, almost as if he wanted to say something else.

"Okay," I nodded.

Barry's eyes darted between mine before resting on the swell of my bottom lip and the coil in my stomach heated with desire. I wanted him to kiss me so fucking bad, to remember how sweet he tasted. The magnetic pull that we always felt between us was heavy and my lips parted slightly, ready for Barry to close the distance.

But a yawn escaped from my throat which made Barry chuckled lightly.

"Tired?" He asked.

I nodded, the exhaustion from today catching up to me once again. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep before but with the way my body ached; I knew it wasn't much. "Yeah, guess so."

"Get some sleep, ya? We can talk more when ya wake up," Barry helped me back into the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin.

When he went to leave my side, I grabbed his hand to stop him. He looked at our intertwined fingers then to my face.

"Will you stay with me?" I gnawed on my bottom lip. "We don't have to cuddle or anything. I just want to feel some kind of warmth next to me.

"Course," he smiled.

Barry stayed on the other side of the bed, not touching me, as we faced each other. The last thing I saw before slumber took me was him brushing away the hair from my face to leave a gentle kiss on my forehead.

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-Fifteen

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/pinterest.

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, alcoholism, death, slight mention of attempted death, and abusive ex.

Authors Note: Shout out to @marzbarz106 to giving me this idea! I never thought to add a chapter in Barry's pov but it would be amazing for all of you to see how he's been dealing with everything that Reader is going through. I think the next chapter will be in Barry's POV again. Enjoy!

BARRY

I stared at the door of the bar as it slammed shut behind Y/N, the noise of the now empty bottle of vodka clattering to the floor echoed throughout the bar even over the hushed conversations of everyone surrounding me and the music that now had stopped playing. My fingers curled into my palms as Y/N’s words replayed in my mind.

“You’re no different than Ian.”

The second those words left her lips, I knew she regretted them by the way her eyes flashed. She never meant to hurt me but her own anger caused her to compare me to her ex. But I couldn’t dwell on that for long, knowing that not only did she walk out of here alone and upset, she was undoubtedly going to find somewhere else to get another drink. My blood boiled when I saw her take a large drink from the vodka, her new sobriety being thrown out of the door with her. The second something came up she didn’t want to face, Y/N retreated to the only thing she knew could numb the pain.

“I bet she wasn’t even sober. Did you see how fast she grabbed the bottle?”

My eyes snapped over to Nora who snuck up beside me.

“What did you say to her?” I snapped, even though I already knew.

Nora and her friend weren’t exactly gossiping quietly.

Nora held up her hands in mock defense. “Nothing! She was eavesdropping on my conversation, it’s not my fault she didn’t like what she heard.”

I chuckled lowly; eyes dark with anger. “You’ve always been such a bitch, Nora.”

“Excuse me?!” She gasped.

“Ya know she’s struggling with a lot right now, why the fuck would you say those things?” I asked.

Nora snorted. “Oh, don’t act like you care, Barry! You’ve had your arm wrapped around Lori all night.”

I grit my teeth together, knowing that only at this moment Nora was right. I wasn’t sure why I allowed myself to stay by Lori all night. I let her throw herself at me the second Y/N and I walked into the bar, not bothering to care how it affect Y/N or not. I was angry with how she pushed me away earlier in her bedroom that I thought flirting with someone else would make her feel like how I felt.

Now who’s the bitch.

I shook the thought from my head and sighed. “Fuck this. I need to go find her.”

Before any of them could stop me, I pushed my way through the crowd of people in the bar that slowly started going back to their conversation and drinks. Once outside in the quiet night air, I brought my phone to my ear, dialing Y/N’s number.

It rang a few times before her voicemail picked up, her sweet voice soothing my aching heart momentarily. I quickly sent her a few texts before pocketing my phone and started walking the way I thought she would have gone. With every step I took, I replayed all the moments we shared the last week.

When we divorced almost a year ago, I thought that would be the last time I saw her so when she had drunk texted me the night before her parent’s funeral; I knew I had to drop whatever I was doing to come to be with her. Y/N always dealt with her problems by drinking, even when we were married. She told me it started during her relationship with Ian. He fucked her up so badly mentally that the only way she could mute the negative thoughts that screamed at her was to drink.

The night before our wedding day, Y/N became sober. I told her that if she wanted to have a drink every once in a while, that was fine but she always declined.

“I want this fresh start with you.”

The vivid thought of the way she smiled at me on our wedding day made my heart flutter and I stopped walking momentarily to let out a shaky breath and pinched my eyes shut. I had managed not to think about her like this since we separated but the moment I saw her again at the funeral home; I realized how fucked I was. My breath all but knocked out of me at how breathtaking she looked, even through the pain that was clear on her face.

I thought that divorce was the only way to save her from the pain but in the end, it only made things worse. I never imagined our marriage would end but with how often I was away with filming, Y/N was in a one-sided marriage. It wasn’t fair to her and the longer I had to stay away because of work, the more we fought. I was tired of it, always fighting about the stupidest things and it got to where it was affecting my work. My friends noticed and told me I needed to get my priorities straight; a huge future in acting or a marriage that was already doomed to end the second we got together. So I chose the one that was the only thing making me happy.

It was no secret that sex was the only thing that kept Y/N and I together for so long. There wasn't a chance for us to keep the marriage strong without it so when our sex life became nonexistent in the last few months of our marriage, I knew it would be an easy decision to ask for a divorce. Y/N accused me of having an affair and I quickly shot that down. I remained faithful to her our entire relationship, I only started dating someone else once we were separated. Even that relationship didn’t last that long only because Y/N was still on my mind. I was on and off again with Alyi for the entirety of our relationship so when the chance came up to finally end things; I took it. Y/N needed me.

Dr. Rogers asked me during the first therapy session if I still loved Y/N and even though I never answered out loud, I knew the answer deep within my chest. Then during the second session when Dr. Rogers asked if there was any chance Y/N and I could get back together, I had to lie. Y/N didn’t need so much hope for our relationship to rekindle when the most important thing she needed to focus on was her sobriety and actually start grieving her parents.

But I wasn’t innocent throughout our time together. I did my best in the beginning to be a strong support system for her but ended up falling back into the vice grip of her. We fell back into our old habits and as hard as I tried not to touch her, I couldn’t stop myself. I craved to feel her skin on mine. It took so much fucking strength not to drag my palm over her breast that night we slept on the couch together.

God, just thinking about that night made my cock twitch.

With a loud groan, I gazed around my surrounding and let out an aggravated breath when I had yet to find her. I sent her another text message before starting down the opposite way I came.

“Where the fuck are you?” I grunted as I pushed my way through a large group of people that walked out of O’Malleys.

“Barry!”

I quickly spun on my heels when I heard my name but felt anger radiate through me when I saw Lori running over to me.

“Did you find her yet?” She asked.

I shook my head.

“She probably went home,” Lori suggested. “Why don’t you come back inside for another drink? You’ll see her soon.”

I stared at her dumbfounded. These people who Y/N used to call friends didn’t seem to care that she was missing.

“I’m good.”

With my back turned towards her, I went to continue my search but her words halted my footsteps.

“Why do you care so much for her, Barry? You guys are divorced. You shouldn’t have to care for her anymore.”

A small smile pulled at the corner of my lips when I realized I didn’t want to hide from the truth any longer. Keeping the truth buried deep within me is what led to this mess and I refused to let something happen to Y/N without her knowing the truth.

I shrugged. “That’s what you do when you love someone.”

Her slack jaw was the final thing I saw before turning around yet again and trekked down the long sidewalk as I thought of all the places Y/N could have gone. I doubt she went back home; she was upset and at the very least, a bit buzzed so she wanted to chase that feeling for longer.

With my phone clutched tightly in my hand, I called her once more and yet again heard the sweet sounds of her voicemail. This time, I decided to leave a message.

“Y/N, where are you? I’m fucking loosing my mind looking for you. Whatever Nora said isn’t true, you should know that. I’m not saying I’m perfect in this entire mess because I’m not. But I need to know where you are so I can bring you back home and explain everything.”

I let out a deep breath that came out broken and shaky. “I’m not mad that you’re drinking. I could fucking care less about that. Just call or text me back. Please let me know where you are so I can bring you back home.”

This time, a loud sob crawled through my throat.

“To me.”

I buried my phone deep into my pocket and felt tears sting the corners of my eyes so I squeezed them shut. Now wasn’t the time to cry or break down. Y/N needed me and I refused to fail her.

Again.

Suddenly my veins filled with a chill and I knew something was wrong, not with me but with Y/N. My phone was back in my hand as I called her number for what felt like the tenth time. It kept ringing and my stomach dropped when I realized I was about to hear her sweet voice from the voicemail yet again.

“Lo?”

A broken sob came through the speaker.

Holy fuck, thank god.

My heart soared from the pits of my stomach when I finally heard her actual voice.

“Thank fucking god. Where are you?,” I breathed into the voice, a bit of tension I was carrying on my shoulders lifted.

“Barry?”

My heart dropped again when I heard how broken my name sounded coming from her lips.

“Y/N, tell me where ya are,” I demanded, my feet ran again.

I wasn’t sure where I was going but I couldn’t continue to stand around and do nothing.

“Please don’t come looking for me.”

My feet came to a skidding halt, and I shook my head even though Y/N couldn’t see me. “Grá.”

I didn’t try to hide how wrecked my voice sounded when my nickname for her fell from my lips. I was desperate to find her.

“I trusted you,” she cried through broken sobs. “I let you back into my life and you hurt me; again.”

Fuck, would she ever trust me again? How would se ever let me back into her life.

“We can talk about everything once I find you. But ya have to tell me where you are.”

I focused on listening to all the background noise coming from her end of the call. Besides the sounds of a rowdy group of people, I could hear water. Waves?

She was at a beach, which one I wasn’t sure. That was until I heard someone yell something, the voice carrying over the sound of the waves.

“Last call for Murray’s bar!”

I stood straighter because I knew exactly where Y/N was.

“Are ya at Inch beach?” I asked, my voice full of so much hope.

I didn’t bother waiting to hear her answer as I began running towards that way. She didn’t answer, only a loud sob came through her end.

Fuck, she sounded so wrecked. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking or what she went through while she was alone but I refused to dwell on it. I needed to get to her as soon as possible.

“Stay there, Y/N. I’m about five minutes away. Please don’t leave. Please.”

My begs fell from my lips almost like a prayer.

“Goodbye Barry.”

I cursed out loud when the call ended and pushed myself to run faster to her. Thankfully, Inch Beach wasn’t far at all and the closer I got, the stronger the smell of the salty waters tickled my senses. Not bothering to say excuse me, I pushed myself through the large crowds of people that were leaving Murray’s bar.

“Woah, where’s the fire Keoghan?”

My eyes fell on quite the sight. Ian slumped up against the brick wall of the bar with a bloodied rag pressed against his nose.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Ian?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I asked Y/N the same thing when I saw her.”

My shoulders tensed with anger and I curled my fists, my nails digging into the skin. “What did you do to her?”

Ian threw down the rag before spitting blood at it and it was then that I got a good look at his face. His nose was crooked, undoubtedly broken, and blood pooled from it into his mouth.

“All I did was talk to her, and she attacked me. Y/N was always such a crazy bitch. I don’t know how you were married to her.”

I grasped at his shirt, throwing him back against the building before my fist collided with his face. Ian’s body crumbled down to the ground with a loud groan. This caught the attention of everyone around us but I didn’t care. Ever since Y/N told me about him years ago, I wanted nothing more than to give him everything he deserved.

“Oh, you too, huh? Seems like the Keoghan’s one goal tonight is to kick my ass. Match made in heaven.,” Ian chuckled darkly.

It warmed my heart only for a moment when I heard that the reason why he had a broken nose was because of Y/N.

“I would say go to hell but seems like you’re already there,” I spat while shaking out the pain from my knuckles.

There was so much more I wanted to say but knew that I was running out of time. I needed to find Y/N.

Leaving Ian in his own mess on the ground, I turned my attention back to the beach as my eyes scanned every inch looking for her. Dread filled me when I finally found Y/N, her walking deeper into the harsh waves.

“Y/N!”

My voice bellowed as I broke into a sprint towards her, the sand kicking up underneath my shoes. The water was freezing as I splashed into it. She slowly turned towards my voice and when I swam closer towards her, I saw exactly how broken she was. The usual light behind her bright eyes was gone, extinguished from all the pain, and her cheeks were stained with tears.

Even with all the pain she felt, Y/N gave me a small smile before letting the large wave carry her under.

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-twelve

*credit to me(thefallennightmare) for creating the gif. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, mentions of alcoholism, and death

Authors Note: Things are about to get worse for Reader. Be prepared.

With a soft sigh, I repositioned myself on my bed by bringing my knees up to my chest, arms wrapping around my legs. I stared blankly at the envelope on the other end of my bed as it silently mocked me for not opening it yet. After therapy, Barry and I returned to the house without saying a single word to each other. This session was intense and brought up so many old feelings for him, my parents, and the ex I hadn’t thought about in a long time. It wasn’t Barry’s intention to bring him up, knowing how bad he fucked me up, and I let Barry know that when I sent him a small smile as we stepped inside.

“Look, Y/N,” Bary sighed while linking my hand in his. “I didn’t mean to bring him up.”

I nodded and gave his hand a small squeeze. “I know.”

The sadness that swept over his face made my lips turn down in a frown.

“He fucked you up pretty bad. I don’t want you to go back down that road. I barley pulled you through the first time.”

I did my best to give him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be alright.”

With my back turned to him, I made my way into my room.

Barry bringing up my ex wasn’t what had me in such a sad mood, it was his admittance that even though we had come along way in our relationship, there was no hope for us to get back together. He thought we were better off as friends. Maybe he was right, although I didn’t feel the same.

That was a few hours ago and while I hid in my room, I heard Barry move around the house in the living room and kitchen. He thought I was asleep but all I could do was stare at the envelope in front of me. A handful of times, my fingers reached for it only for me to wrench my hand away as if the idea alone burned my hand.

It wasn’t until Barry softly knocked on the open door that I finally broke away from my trance.

“Did you say something?” I asked quietly.

Barry ran a hand over his jaw, the smooth skin there showed me he had shaved earlier. “Ya doing alright?”

I shrugged, not bothering to hide it. “I’ve been better.”

When he motioned to my bed, I nodded eagerly. All I wanted in this moment was to feel the heat from Barry’s body around me even if we were simply sitting next to each other. He laid his body over the bed horizontally at my feet and fingered the envelope.

“Why are ya so afraid of opening it?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “Maybe Dr. Rogers was right and I’m afraid that once I open it, it will make everything real. Maybe I’m in this make believe world that I’m waiting for them to walk through the front door any moment.”

Barry’s gaze bounced to my parents' room across the hall. The door was closed when I arrived here over a week ago and I had yet to open it.

“They always made me feel welcome, never made us feel like we were rushing into the marriage.”

The corner of my lips curled up. “I was never close with them since they worked a lot when I was growing up but that didn’t stop them from giving us everything we wanted or needed.”

His fingers grazed over the exposed skin of my ankle. “They loved you, Y/N.

I focused on the way his fingers traced my ankle before slowly raising up my thigh and my eyes fluttered shut, a silent moan falling from my lips. The thought of stopping him brushed to the front of my mind because of how he felt about us. He didn’t feel the same about me anymore, not the way I wanted him too but I couldn’t ignore the way my insides burned when Barry’s fingers ghosted the inside of my thigh now. It wasn’t near my core but close enough that I was sure he could feel the heat escaping between my legs.

Suddenly, his words from therapy rang loudly in my head.

“We’re better off as friends.”

Shifting in his touch, I gently removed his hand from in between my thigh and let them fall to the comforter beneath us.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I muttered, not daring to meet his broken eyes.

The loud ping from his phone interrupted Barry, whatever words he was going to say going unsaid, and he pulled it out of his pocket with a sigh. When his shoulders went rigid with hesitation, I sat up straighter in bed.

“What’s wrong?” I questioned.

He hesitated for a few beats. “It’s Nora. I guess a few people want to get together tonight before I head back to the states.”

“Oh,” the disappointment was clear on my face. “You should go. It’ll be good for you to see everyone before you leave.”

I didn’t want him to know that I was slightly upset that he would not spend the rest of his time with me. Selfish, I know. But knowing Nora invited him made the jealousy burn low in my belly.

Barry’s one brow raised in confusion as he remained in his lounged position on my bed. “She invited both of us.”

“She did?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “But they want to meet at O'Malley’s.”

That was why Barry was so hesitant. It was the pub a few blocks away from here and if we went, it would be the first time I had been around that much alcohol since I became sober.

“To be honest, I think it’ll be fun if we go. We haven’t seen our friends in a while,” I said.

“Y/N,” he began.

“I won’t drink,” I assured him. “You can bring me soda or water all night.”

“Are ya sure?” Barry asked.

Not thinking about it, I brushed some hair out of his face while nodding. “You can even hang around me all night to make sure.”

He hummed with my touch then let out a deep breath. “How about we both stay sober?”

“You don’t have to do that,” I shook my head.

“I want to,” Bary smiled. “Whatever helps you tonight, Y/N.”

Beneath the smile, he was upset and hurting by my rejection of his hand between my legs.

My eyes burned with anger at the man that sat at the table across form me, a large smile spreading to his lips. The laughter that emanated from his chest sounded everywhere inside the bar and when he brought the golden liquid to his lips, more intense anger flooded my veins. Our friends sat around him almost blocking his line of sight to me but I knew Barry wouldn’t care if they did. The second we stepped foot into the pub, someone had whisked him away, leaving me standing alone.

As yet another round of drinks were set at the table in front of us, I eyed the tall glass of beer, the cool condensation running down the length of it, and I almost drooled at the sight. Obviously the server did not know about my sobriety when they placed the drink in front of me. The first time it was easy to slide it off to a friend of mine, saying that I’ll drink, eventually. None of our friends knew about my alcoholism and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t need their judgement when Barry’s alone was enough to break me the first few days he was here.

The thought of Barry was enough to pull my eyes away from the drink and my stomach dropped like an anchor in the ocean when I realized he wasn’t watching me. His eyes were glued to an old friend of ours; Lori. They chatted quietly amongst themselves, hushed conversation only for the two of them. The booth we all had squeezed into was getting a bit too crammed for my liking and with the way the cold beer was tempting me, I needed to step away fast. I nodded towards one of Barry’s friends who was sitting next to me in the large booth.

“Do you mind if I step out quick?” I asked.

His eyes raked over my chest, my shirt hugging it a bit too much for my liking, and shook his head. “Do you need another drink, Y/N? I can get you whatever you want.”

With the two words drink and Y/N, Barry’s eyes finally snapped away from Lori to the drink in front of me.

“You were drinking?” He asked with brows raised.

Immediately I scoffed while shaking my head. “No, I wasn’t. I can’t say the same thing for you.”

I motioned towards the now two empty glasses in front of him and Barry ran a hand through his hair. But before he could spew whatever excuse he thought of, I held up my hand to stop him.

“I’m going to go order a soda,” I grumbled before motioning for Jake to move again.

Reluctantly, he did and I let out a deep breath in relief that I was walking farther away from the temptation.

The bartender smiled warmly at me when I ordered a soda and while I waited for them to fetch it from the fridge; I glanced back to the table and noticed that Lori had an arm wrapped around Barry’s waist while his own arm rested against the back of the booth, his fingers tickling Lori’s bare shoulder.

I swallowed down the pain I felt clawing at my throat, tears burning to pool form my eyes, and cleared my throat. There was a clear shift between us but I wasn’t sure if it was because of what was said during therapy or because I stopped him earlier in my bedroom.

Fuck, he was confusing. The last week he had been hot and cold with me. Pissed at me for drinking, flirting with me the next. Touching me in places that made my skin rise with desire but then saying there’s no chance we could get back together. The way he was playing with my emotions and feelings fueled the anger that lay dormant in my stomach the last few days and there was a quick thought of maybe he was only flirting with me to get me into bed. Maybe he was horny and needed a quick fuck.

Even if I tried to deny that thought I knew I was right because of how close Lori and Barry were right now. His lips brushing against her ear and when her giggle spread through the pub, I forced myself to turn my back to the table. I gripped the edge of the bar tight and my knuckles went white.

“You’re such a dumbass,” I grumbled to myself.

Barry only wanted one thing from me and when I denied him of that, he moved onto the next girl that would. Exactly like he did with our divorce.

I let out a deep breath after retrieving my soda and walked over to the booth when a petite but annoying voice from the booth behind ours caught my attention.

“I don’t understand why they even came together.”

Nora.

I let out a groan, ready to walk away from her, but her next words froze me in place.

“I was hoping Barry wouldn’t bring her with but it doesn’t even matter since he’s been all over Lori. She doesn’t even like him, she’s only looking for a rebound from Paul,” Nora said to one of her friends.

She didn’t have to say my name; I knew Nora was talking about me.

Her friend spoke next. “I’m surprised they are still around each other. Didn’t they get divorced?”

“I heard she’s been holed up in her parents' house,” Nora said. “She’s been in therapy for the last two weeks.”

The friends' eyes went wide. “For what?”

Nora took a drink. “She’s an alcoholic. I guess she was sober for a while but after her parents died, she started drinking again.”

Anger pulsed through me and I was about to march over there to let them know I could hear their entire conversation. Nora’s next words, however, froze me mid walk.

“Did you hear how her parents died?” When the friend shook their head, Nora continued. “Her dad was driving drunk when he wrapped their car around a tree. Her mom's body was halfway through the windshield when paramedics arrived. My uncle is a cop and was first on the scene and he told me everything. None of this is even public knowledge yet.”

It felt as if someone had punched me hard in the gut, my breath catching in my throat as I let out an choked sob. How could Nora be so vile in sayings things that weren’t true?

“Like father like daughter, I guess,” The friend snickered.

Nora took a dainty sip of her drink and nodded. “Barry told me he would rather be anywhere but staying with her. The only reason he was staying at her place was because she relapsed and since she has no one left, he’s afraid of what she might do. He feels obligated that he has too since they used to be married. Kind of pathetic the lengths Y/N will go to keep him.”

Tears pooled from my eyes with the weight of everything that happened today finally crushing me beneath it. They were sitting directly behind our booth and not exactly talking quietly which is how I heard them. Which also meant that almost everyone at our table heard them as well, including Barry.

Our eyes locked as I stared at him perplexed why he would talk to Nora, out of all people, about something so personal. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks, but I did nothing to stop the salty taste from dripping onto my bottom lip.

“Y/N,” Barry rose from his spot.

“Is it true?” I sobbed. “Is it true that you’re only staying with me because you’re afraid of what I might do?”

He reached for my hand but I smacked it away, the sound of skin on skin getting the attention from all our friends.

“You know the only reason I was staying was because you….” Barry’s voice trailed off.

“Relapsed,” I spat. “Go ahead, you can say it. Apparently you have no problem talking about my personal life with people.”

“It’s not like that,” Barry tried to explain.

“Fuck you, Barry!” I seethed. “I can’t believe I let you back into my life, trusted you, only for you to hurt me all over again!”

The low murmurs of our friends surrounded us and Barry grasped my elbow to lead me away but I ripped myself from him.

“Don’t touch me!”

His hands fell to his sides at my outburst.

“You’re a fucking dick.” I cursed. “I want you out of my house and out of my life.”

“Y/N, please-.”

I cut Barry off with my hand colliding with his cheek.

“You're no different that Ian", I cried.

At the comparison of him to my ex-boyfriend, Barry's eye snapped up and burned deep into my own. The bright glow of the blue quickly overtaken by the darkness of anger.

"I'm nothing like that piece of shit," He growled.

I knew it was a low blow comparing him to the ex that destroyed me but in the heat of the moment, I said those words without even thinking. Though, I was too angry to care how he felt. My pain was worse than his.

"I hate you," I spat words dripping with venom. "I hope I never see you again."

I slammed my shoulder into him as I reached for the bottle of Vodka that someone had bought for the table for a round shots.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Barry demanded.

Ignoring him, I wrapped my lips around the rim of the bottle and drank it dry by the time I reached the door of the pub.

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-eight

*credit to whoever credit the gif. found on google/pinterest*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, implied smut, mentions of alcoholism and death.

Summary: A failed marriage wasn't in the cards for Reader, she thought she found her happily ever after with Barry. While trying to overcome the heartbreak, a tragic event brings them back together temporarily. Will the devastating loss bring them back together or be what pushes them apart for good?

Authors Note: I've noticed a bit more traction with this story since the last update. Makes me very happy!

The house was an eerie, unsettling quiet, as the only noise that echoed throughout the house was the dreaded grandfather clock. I always hated that thing, my mom did as well. It was my dad that brought it home one day, years ago. He used to love antiquing, and I could remember his exact words and the way he said it on that day.

“Oi, quit your whining. It’s a beautiful clock, almost as beautiful as you.” My dad mused while kissing my mom on the lips.

Their love was like any other, never fighting, always being by each other's side no matter what they went through. I had always strived to find a love like that, promised myself that I wouldn’t settle until I did and for a while, I thought it did with Barry. How wrong and naive I was.

With a soft sigh, I pinched my eyes shut in hopes to stop the tears from falling. I had done enough crying for the day, hell maybe even the week, when I returned home from my therapy session. After Barry had walked out to answer his phone call, I gave an apologetic smile to Ms. Rogers before sauntering out past Barry. I decided not to get a ride back home with him, upset about the way he acted during our session, and got a taxi instead. Barry never even looked away from his phone as I stormed out of the therapy office.

That was a few hours ago and I had been alone since then. No word from Barry on where he was or if he was coming back. There was a small ounce of hope that he was so upset and angry with the session that he decided I wasn’t worth it anymore and went back to his own place.

“I can only wish,” I mumbled to myself as I kept myself busy by sorting through the stack of mail.

Typical bills or letters, a few cards offering their condolences, and at the bottom of the stack was the dreaded manila envelope that I had yet to open. I was afraid to find out what my parents had left me in their will or if there was anything left to leave me. However, I knew I couldn’t put it off forever, whatever was in the envelope needed a final decision soon.

My eyes glanced over to the empty bar cart and I silently wished there was even half a bottle left. Anything to give me the courage to open the envelope.

The grandfather clock chimed loudly six times, indicating it was now six in the evening. With a check of my phone, I realized that Barry hadn’t called or texted me and came to the conclusion that he had in fact returned to his own home.

I tapped my foot, weighing the decision between my shoulders almost as if there was an angel on one and a devil on the other.

Stay home and waste another night in front of the television or go to the pub that was a short walk and enjoy one drink.

It was only one drink, what could hurt? Barry was gone which meant that whatever deal we had was officially off of the table.

Before I could second guess the decision I had made, I snatched my keys from the bowl next to the front door, my footsteps bounding down the concrete steps.

“One drink,” I said out loud to myself.

“Where ya headed?”

My feet halted as I nearly ran into the body that stood in front of me with a suitcase in one hand and a brown bag in the other.

“Barry?” I asked.

His brow raised. “Again I ask, where ya headed?”

My mouth ran dry as I tried to come up with an excuse. “I was running to the market quickly. We’re out of eggs.”

Barry motioned to the paper bag in his left hand. “I already went. Try again.”

“Why don’t you tell me where you’ve been all afternoon?”

As much as I tried, I couldn’t hide the jealous tone from my voice. The thoughts of where he was or who he was with wouldn't stop the entire time he was gone.

He merely shook his head before walking past me into the house. “Jealousy never looked good on ya, Y/N.”

I scoffed, offended, and followed him back inside.

“I am not jealous. I just wanted to know where you’ve been? I thought you went back home,” I said while tossing my keys back into the bowl.

“Is that why you were headed to the pub?” He asked while putting away the groceries.

My mouth pulled to a thin line, my silence being the answer he needed.

“I thought we had a deal?” Barry sighed while looking directly at me.

I bit down hard at the inside of my cheek to keep the snarky remark to myself.

“Well, I thought the deal was off since you disappeared all afternoon,” I reiterated my words from earlier.

He sat down on the couch while I kept my hands sprawled on the back of it, looking down at him. There was a tiredness in his eyes and suddenly I felt a pang of guilt.

“After my phone call with the promoter, I decided to head back to the gym for another quick spar. The guy I’m fighting in big time around here. I want to make sure I’m prepared,” Barry explained, him still looking up at me.

I nodded, moving around the couch to sit, making sure there was still some space between us.

“I also had to grab some more clothes,” he motioned to his suitcase next to the front door. “I’ve got five days left with ya but can’t keep wearing the same clothes.”

“Oh,” I nodded again, eyes looking over to the other couch in the room that still had the blankets and pillows from his slumber last night.

“Is the couch fine?” I asked. “I feel terrible knowing there’s another bed for you to sleep in. It’s my parents but.”

My words trailed off, the strength to finish the sentence faltering at the mention of my parents. Barry immediately understood and placed a soft hand on my thigh.

“I’m fine with the couch. It’s only for a few more days,” he said.

The way my stomach fell made me realize that as much as we had been fighting lately, I was going to miss him when he did in fact leave.

“So,” I adjusted myself on the couch, Barry’s hand falling away. “Can we talk about the therapy session?”

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I don’t see how we got anywhere when all she cared about was our sex life?”

“I mean, it was an honest question she asked us. You said it yourself, we got married young.”

“What did you want me to say? That all I cared for during our marriage was sex?” Barry asked.

I pointed between us. “We did start off as friends with benefits.”

“I know,” he nodded while pursing his lips slightly. “But if I remember correctly, you were the one that said no strings attached.”

“Yet, I was the one who fell the hardest,” I muttered while cracking my knuckles.

With the way Barry sighed, I knew he had heard my voice even if I tried to keep it to myself.

“Y/N,” he squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t know what else you want from me.”

Anger began to boil low in my stomach but refused to get upset with him just yet. There was something I wanted to know, something that Ms. Rogers asked him before our session ended.

“Do you still love me?”

The question wavered, my voice cracking on the word love.

Barry lifted his head from the back of the couch and stared at me, lips parting slightly. His pupils dilated before avoiding my own gaze, staring at his hands in his lap.

“I do-.”

He was cut off by the sudden loud ringing of his phone and I started to wonder if he had somehow rigged it to interrupt our important conversations as a way to get out of it.

I was about to tell him not to answer when the flash image of a blonde appeared on the screen, my heart dropping low in my belly.

Alyi.

“I thought you two broke up,” I said.

“I never said that,” Barry responded, his thumb ghosting between the answer and decline button.

I hummed. “Then why won’t you answer it?”

With a quick decision, Barry hit the red decline button before pocketing his phone.

“I don’t feel like fighting with someone else right now,” he shrugged.

I shook my head. “We’re not fighting.”

He let out a low chuckle. “That’s all we ever do.”

“Then why are you still here, Barry?”

“For you,” he said. “To make sure you get sober again and stay sober.”

My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I stood to my feet. “It’s been two days. I haven't had a drink since the night of my parents' funeral. Clearly, I’m doing fine and don’t need you here anymore.”

There was some hostility to my voice, something Barry picked up on immediately.

“Fine?” he stood to his own feet, his height towering over me a bit. “If you’re fine, then how come you haven’t read through their will yet?”

I blinked, unsure how to answer.

“It’s none of your business. I’m waiting until you leave to read it,” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Another excuse,” Barry shook his head before brushing past me, towards the bathroom. “I need to shower.”

“Oh, fuck you!” I snapped, the anger I did my best to keep at bay exploding within me. “I tried to have a civil conversation with you but you're the one that always makes it into a fight.”

“I’ll talk to ya once you’ve calmed down,” he called over his shoulder.

Barry came to a quick halt right outside of the bathroom door when he felt a pillow crash into his back. I had another one in my hands ready to throw when he turned to face me, eyebrow raised to his hairline.

“Did ya throw a pillow at me?”

“I want to do a lot more,” I seethed. “I want to smack that smug smile off your face.”

Barry took a few steps towards me, the smug smile he wore almost an invitation. Do it, it practically screamed.

“You’re so fucking infuriating,” I yelled throwing the pillow at him.

He smacked it away, it falling to the floor at his feet, but continued to close the distance between us.

“Stop throwing pillows,” he said with an even tone.

“I don’t need you here, Barry! You’re making everything worse!”

He stopped about a foot away from me, eyes twinkling with a mischievous gleam as he caught another pillow I chucked at him. I groaned in annoyance, ready to throw something else, anything else at him in hopes he knew exactly how angry he was making me.

I was doing fine without him. Yes, I relapsed but I could come back from it. I always did. It was only a moment of weakness, given everything I had gone through the last year I say it was justified. Barry being here did make everything worse. Seeing him every morning when I wake or being around him in general made all of the feelings I had to force myself to bury slowly creep back into my heart.

“Tell me to leave,” Barry said nonchalantly.

My bottom lip caught between my teeth, but I held my head high. “I don’t need you here anymore.”

He clicked his tongue while leaning closer towards me, his warm breath fanning my mouth. “Not the same thing, grá .”

That nickname. The same nickname he had called me so many times before caused my heart to soar into my throat and I shuddered at the lowness of his voice.

My eyes bounced from his mouth up to his own eyes and when I moisten my dry lips, I let out a deep breath.

“I’d be fine if I never saw you again.”

Barry moved a strand of loose hair behind my ear, fingers grazing over the skin of my neck. My entire body shuddered with pure euphoric bliss when I felt his hand scratch at the hairs on my scalp, eyes fluttering shut with a hushed moan falling from my lips.

“We both know that’s a lie,” he mused while his other hand traced down the skin of my arm.

Damn him. Barry knew exactly where to touch me, all these years later, to make me a puddled mess in his hands. I was like a dog that was getting his ears scratched. It was pathetic.

Seven chimes from the grandfather clock struck which caused me to jump in Barry’s light embrace and I stepped away from him, his hands falling to his side.

“Is this a joke to you?” I blew out a shaky breath.

The smugness faltered from his face. “What?”

“My feelings,” I said, feeling the tears caught on my lashes.

Barry quickly shook his head. “Of course not.”

“Then why do you keep messing with my head? You say you don’t love me anymore but yet touch me the way you used to or call me the names I loved once before.”

“I never said that.” he said, not missing a beat.

It was my turn to look at him confused. “What?”

With his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, he let out a deep sigh. “I never said I didn’t love you anymore.”

As that was his parting words, Barry turned his back to me, retreating into the bathroom.

#barry keoghan #barry keoghan x reader #barry keoghan and reader #barry keoghan x yn #barry keoghan and yn #barry keoghan reader insert #barry keoghan smut

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-eleven

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/pinterest*

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/Pinterest*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, mentions of alcoholism, and death

Authors Note: and we're back to the heartbreak.

I sat quietly on the couch in the familiar office, the sound of the ticking clock echoing loudly in my mind as my knee bounced impatiently. The warm body next to me placed a hand on my knee, halting the bouncing movements quickly. I muttered an apology, not daring to look into his eyes knowing that he’s already upset about being here, the last thing I needed to do was annoying him with my nerves.

Barry sighed and gave my knee a squeeze. “Why are ya so nervous?”

“The last therapy session didn’t go that well. I thought you were going to fight with Dr. Rogers,” I admitted with my sigh.

“As long as she doesn’t ask about our sex life again, I’ll be fine,” he gave a light chuckle.

Before I could say anything else, the door opened and in walked Dr. Rogers with a bright smile across her lips.

“I’m sorry for keeping you two waiting. How are we doing this morning?” She questioned while sitting in the chair across from the couch.

We saw the way she eyed Barry’s hand on my knee with curiosity and he quickly removed it, placing his arm on the back of the couch. The both of us chatted with her for a few moments before Dr. Rogers opened her folder, eye’s scanning over her notes from last session.

“So,” Dr. Rogers began, “How has the last few days between you two been?”

I shared a look with Barry knowing exactly how things have been between us. Ever since the night we slept on the couch together, we’ve become closer. No more fighting, just sweet moments between the two of us. Flirting whenever we could and Barry’s soft touches when he needed to move past me or when we were sitting on the couch together. My fingers would scratch at the back of his neck or my head would rest on his shoulders during those sessions on the couch.

For the first time in a long time, it felt like how Barry and I used to be before we were married.

“Uh, things are good,” I said while looking to Barry for agreement.

I would not tell Dr. Rogers about Barry’s wandering hand from the other night. The feeling of his fingers grazing the skin underneath my breast made my body shudder with delight.

“Yeah,” Barry nodded.

She smiled. “That’s good to hear. Barry, how much longer do you plan on staying with Y/N?”

“Two days.”

A pain stung my heart with his words. I always knew that our time together was going to end eventually but hearing that it was so soon made everything real.

“Y/N,” Dr. Rogers turned towards me. “How’s the sobriety going?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat while running my sweaty palms against my thighs. “Good, I guess. I haven’t had a drink since my parents' funeral.”

“Do you want to?”

My eyes widened taken aback by the question. “Drink?”

When Dr. Rogers nodded, I continued with a shaky breath, not wanting to disappoint Barry. “I mean the urge is strong when I’m alone but with Barry being around me, it helps.”

“What are you going to do when he leaves?” She asked.

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth. “I, uh. I’m not sure.”

Barry shifted in his spot next to me and I knew he was now worrying about how I would do with everything once he left.

“Barry, you seem a bit upset with her words. Are you going to worry about her when you leave?” Dr. Rogers asked.

He nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the side of my head as I kept mine on my hands.

“I’m always going to worry about her,” he said.

“Right,” I snickered. “That’s why you wanted a divorce.”

The words fell from my lips before I had a second to register them in my brain and I cursed, the distance Barry and I had gone in our relationship taking a few steps back. All because of my unresolved issues between us.

A muscle in his jaw jumped in agitation. “Y/N.”

My name came out through Barry’s clenched teeth in warning but that didn’t halter my words.

“Would you even be here if my parents didn’t die?” I asked with my eyes burning into him.

The question had been burning at the back of my mind for a few days now. I didn’t bother giving Barry time to answer before spewing out another question. Our bodies faced each other on the large couch, Dr. Rogers watching intently.

“If I texted you that night, sober, telling you that my parents had died would you even be sitting in front of me?”

Hesitation weighed heavy on his shoulders, and Barry let out a long breath. “I don’t know. It’s hard to say.”

“So, no,” I answered for him.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Y/N,” he pinched his eyes shut.

“We both know that’s the truth, Barry. You would still be back home in the states filming or with Alyi. I would be the last thing on your mind,” I said, voice wavering.

Quickly, I held my shoulders higher, not wanting to let him know how bad my own words were effecting me.

Silence fell between us with him only staring at me for a few more long moments before his gaze fell onto anything else in the room. I had known Barry for a long time and knew that everything I said was true. As hard as I tried to rebuild the wall that I had up before he began climbing over, there was a small crack that allowed a fresh tear to roll down my cheek. Barry went to reach for it, to wipe it away, but his anger for the conversation won the internal battle and he remained in place.

“Y/N,” Dr. Rogers' soft voice broke through the tension. “How are you doing with your parents' death?”

“Don’t say your fine,” Barry warned with a deep sigh. “Because I’m so tired of hearing those words.”

Turning towards her, I chewed on the inside of my cheek as if the mere question ripped apart my heart once again. On the outside to everyone, even Barry who lived with me, I seemed like I was coping with their death fine. I had a smile on my face, most days, and did my best to move on and push forward.

The truth?

It devastated me. I was broken, falling to pieces to the floor around me and refused to let anyone help me. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, wishing things were different. I yearned for my parents to be back in the house, sitting around the kitchen table as my father read the paper and my mom sipped her morning tea. Those memories were ingrained in my brain and the fact that it’s not real, not anymore, made a choked sob crawl its way out of my throat. I squeezed my burning eyes shut so no more tears could fall.

Blowing out a shaky breath, I turned my gaze up and forced a smile on my face. “I’m doing okay. It’s been easy.”

Barry sneered. “Is that why you haven’t opened their will yet?”

My eyes sliced into him. “Fuck you, Barry. I’ve already told you it’s none of your business if I open it.”

Dr. Rogers held up a hand towards Barry before directing her question to me. “Do you feel that if you open it, their death will finally become real for you?”

My mouth ran dry at how spot on she was. Deep down, I knew I hadn’t come to terms with my parents' death yet. The grief was there, but I kept refusing to believe that they weren’t coming back. That in two days, I would completely alone.

“I’ll open it when I’m ready. It was my parents, I should be alone when I open it.”

“But you don’t have too,” Dr. Rogers reminded me. “You shouldn’t have to deal with your relapse or the death of your parents by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine,” I almost cut her off, ready to be done with this conversation and frankly, this session as well.

Dr. Rogers let out a deep breath, eyes bouncing between Barry and I then pursed her lips.

“I’m going to change direction slightly. I’m going to ask each of you a question and I want the truth.”

When we didn’t interject, she held my gaze. “Y/N, what is the first memory of Barry you have?”

I blinked, not expecting that question. “When I first met him?”

“Yeah sure,” she nodded, a few strands of her graying hair falling into her face.

Even if it was years ago, the day was still so fresh in my mind.

“There was a party for a mutual friend of ours. We never met before this night. I was sitting on the grass in this persons back yard with an old friend. I couldn’t remember exactly what we were talking about but I remember stopping when I saw Barry running outside from the house.”

The corner of my lips pulled up in a grin. “Someone dared him to jump into the pool, naked, and Barry wasn’t one to turn down a dare.”

“Oi,” Barry’s voice cut through the memory. “It was the middle of October and freezing. I thought I was going to get frostbite.”

I let out a small laugh. “The thing was, I was sitting near the pool which meant I got soaked when Barry jumped in. The both of us were freezing, my teeth were chattering so hard I thought they would crack.”

“Greg only had one towel,” Barry said.

I nodded. “You let me have it even though you were naked.”

There was a warm grin on his face as he raised a brow. “We ended up sharing it after a few minutes.”

My cheeks reddened at the part of the memory he was talking about. When I ended up letting Barry step into the towel that night, with our bodies pressed tight against each other, his cock had hardened even though his body was freezing. The both of us spent the rest of the night warming up with a few beers after Barry got dressed and talked for hours, getting to know each other. He walked me home that night and I invited him inside, that night was the first night our friends with benefits relationship started.

There was a genuine smile on Dr. Rogers' face as she gave Barry her attention.

“Barry, what’s your fondest memory of Y/N?”

My heart pounded so hard against my chest as I looked over towards him, wondering what he would say. Through all the bad, we had so many good memories together. When he proposed, when we got married, when he brought Koda home for the first time, or when we bought our house together.

“It was shortly after we started our friends with benefits relationship. I was gone for over a month filming and had a break in my schedule but didn’t tell her because I wanted to surprise her. By the time I got to her place after my long flight, it was the middle of the night and she was asleep.”

Barry wasted no time in answering. The way he spoke, his eyes filled with so much light and adoration, something I hadn’t seen in a long time. A smile was plastered on his face the entire time he spoke of the memory.

“I can picture it vividly in my mind the way she was asleep. When she first gets into bed, she’s always freezing. Starts off with a sweater and pants then wraps herself in the heaviest blanket she has. Then throughout the night, she sheds each layer. That night, she must have gotten warm by the time I got there because it was sleeping in one of my shirts, hair sprawled out on the pillow and her mouth was wide open, snoring the quietest noise I ever heard.”

“Even though she was hot, she had the air conditioning on with a standing fan pointing directly at her. I remember leaning against the door frame just watching her for a few minutes.”

Tears pooled in my brim of my eyes listening to him and the way he spoke about that night.

“Why that memory?” Dr. Rogers asked.

“It was the night that I fell in love with her,” Barry’s answer didn’t miss a beat.

I sucked in a breath at his revelation. I never really asked when Barry first fell in love with me and to be honest, never expected it was because of that night. Out of everything we had gone through together, it was that night that made him fall in love with me.

“Why?” my voice cracked.

Barry’s eyes were now on me. “Because even with everything you had gone through before that night, you still slept with such peace across your face.”

Even though my heart soared throughout my body, warmth spreading in my veins, I knew what things he was talking about; before the alcoholism, divorce, and parents' death. There was him.

The one that took my innocence, who tore me down every chance he got, used and abused me. The reason I began drinking. I needed something to numb the pain of him. It was the worst year of my life with him and when I met Barry; he brought so much light and warmth into my life. That ex destroyed me and I needed time to heal and the last thing I wanted was a relationship.

Funny how that shit works. I wasn’t looking for anything serious and ended up finding, who I thought, was my soulmate.

If Dr. Rogers picked up on the way my body had tensed, the life fading from me, she didn’t mention it. I knew that this would be brought up in a future session.

“I know it’s been another tense session and Barry, I really appreciate you joining Y/N.”

Barry nodded after tearing his gaze from me. “Of course.”

With the memories of my ex boyfriend, my body had shut down, and I sat frozen with my eyes glued to the fading carpet below my feet.

“Do you think there’s a chance the two of you could work past all your issues and find each other once again?” Dr. Rogers asked.

That brought some life back into me as I gazed over to Barry, my lips parting ready to give my answer.

He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I think we’re better off as friends.”

I sunk into the couch, feeling as if someone dug a knife deep into my heart then twisted it a few times over.

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thefallennightmare · 2 years

Text

Broken-four

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/Pinterest*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, implied smut, mentions of alcoholism and death.

Authors Note: Even if no one is reading this, I'm still continuing it because I like to read it back.

Birds chirping melded with the sounds of soft sobs as I stood broken, eyes boring into the large hole in the ground, the two caskets being lowered down slowly. There wasn’t anyone around me, opting to let me mourn my parents' solo, and I was thankful for that because I didn’t want them to see the way my body swayed or smelled the alcohol on my breath.

Tears welled in my eyes as the caskets fell deeper into the ground and once it was out of sight, the wall I had built to protect me from the last couple days finally shattered. My shoulders shook as the sobs washed over me, small screams of my pain echoing through the large, open area of the cemetery.

No one made a move, unsure what to do to console me, as my entire world crumbled six feet below. My knees buckled and as I prepared myself for hitting the ground, strong arms wrapped around me to hold me up. His large hand pressed circles on my back while his soft voice cooed in my ear.

“I got ya. It’s a’right. I’m right here.”

I buried my face into Barry’s chest, his familiar scent lingering in my senses, and my arms wrapped around him tight.

“They can’t be gone,” I sobbed. “I have no one left.” Barry hushed me by placing a gentle kiss on my hairline. “I’m here, grá.”

Wet eyes stared up at him when I heard the all too familiar word utter from his lips.

Grá.

Love.

He used to call me that all the time when we first got together, the pet name faltering from Barry’s vocabulary so long ago. He knew the way it affected me, I could see it in the way his face softened, an apology spewing from his mouth.

“Force of habit,” he sighed.

I looked back to the ground, still in his embrace, and the two of us watched the dirt fill up the grave. Everyone else around me had slowly begun to leave, not wanting to get in between Barry and I.

Soon, we were the only two left and that was when Barry gently squeezed my shoulder.

“It’s time, Y/N.”

I shook my head, weak, unable to say anything.

“Come on, I’ll take ya back home,” he said.

“I don’t have a home,” I murmured, broken.

A sorrowful sigh fell from Barry’s lips before he began leading me away from the now buried grave and towards his car, not allowing me to fight against him. To be honest, I had no energy to do that. I was beyond mentally drained and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl away underneath a blanket and sleep away the rest of the day.

“Oh, fuck,” I groaned turning over in bed.

The setting sun was blasting its rays through the curtains of my childhood bedroom and it felt as if my brain was being squeezed tight, the hangover from the last few days raging to life.

I ran my hands over my face, letting out a few deep breaths to give myself a sort of pep talk to rise from bed. The growling in my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten anything in a while but I wasn’t sure if the sickness I felt washing over me was because of that or the previous hangover.

The rest of the day had been a blur, the only thing I really remember was Barry bringing me back to my parents house after the funeral and I fought against him as he tried to bring me inside.

“You’re drunk, Y/N.”

I pushed him away, stumbling up the concrete steps. “Fuck you, Barry. I’m fine.”

He watched me with disappointment in his eyes and I nearly tripped over my feet while walking in the house, the door slamming behind me.

I wasn’t sure how I made it safely in bed but didn’t dwell on it for long as I rolled out of bed, my feet dragging down the short hallway. I came to a sudden halt at the sight in front of me. Barry was in the kitchen, towel tossed over his shoulder, as he was finishing up cooking a rather large meal, my favorite meal.

His eyes fell on me, a small smile pulling at his lips. “Oh, good. You’re awake. I was about to come check on ya.”

I pointed to the two plates on the table, surrounded by the steaming food. “What’s this?”

“Figured you’d need something in your stomach to fight that hangover,” Barry informed.

“You didn’t leave?” I asked, unmoving.

Barry nodded towards the table. “Sit.”

“I’m not hungry,” I lied.

Then the heavens above wanted to laugh at my expense because my stomach growled, loudly, and Barry simply raised a brow at me.

“Sit, now.”

With a sigh, I obeyed and sat at the far end of the table and watched as he placed food on my plate and pointed to it.

“I want ya to eat half of that at least,” Barry ordered.

“Yes, dad,” I grumbled while stuffing my face with the food.

Oh, how I missed his cooking.

He was always the chef in the relationship.

Barry sat across from me and we ate in silence, the only sounds coming from the grandfather clock ticking away from its place in the living room and our forks scraping against the plates.

He slid over a tall glass of water to me and I didn’t bother fighting him against it, knowing that he wouldn’t allow me to have even a sip of alcohol.

“How’s the hangover?” Barry asked while grabbing our empty plates from the table.

I shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

He hummed in response then began cleaning the kitchen as my eyes trained hard on his form, seeing the way his back muscles tensed underneath his shirt brought back so many memories. Most of them being us tangled together in the sheets.

I shifted in my seat, hoping it would scratch the itch I felt burning low in my core.

“Barry?” My voice came out quiet, the sudden question nagging inside my head.

“Ya?”

He didn’t bother to look away from the sink full of dishes that he had been washing.

“Why did you stay? I’m sure you’ve got a lot going on right now,” I asked.

His actions halted briefly and finally locked eyes with me. “If I’m being honest, Y/N, I planned on leaving after the wake but when I realized that you were drinking again I knew that I couldn’t leave ya; not yet.”

I cracked my knuckles under the table, a nervous habit, and sighed. “I relapsed, it’s fine. I can get sober again, I’ve done it before.”

With the last few plates washed, Barry set them to the side and dried his hands, leaning against the counter.

“Cause I was there for ya.”

I scoffed. “Oh, and now you are? Let's be real, Barry. You’re only here because my parents died, you said it yourself.”

“Y/N,” he started.

The chair scraped against the hardwood floor as I stood, not wanting to get into this fight with him.

“I’m not dealing with this right now,” I said.

I tried to make a break for the front door, needing some fresh air but Barry knew me all too well, knowing where exactly I had planned on going. He stopped me in my path by standing in front of me.

“Yer not going anywhere,” he said.

“Move,” I demanded with hard eyes.

Barry didn’t budge.

“I’m not going to say it again, Barry. Fucking move,” I seethed.

He shook his head. “You’ll have to fight me. I’m not letting you go to the pubs tonight.”

“God, you’re so infuriating!” I yelled, pushing at his hard chest.

My push did nothing to move him.

“Why did you come back?” I pushed him again.

“Did you come back to rub it in my face that I’ve lost everyone?”

This push was a bit harder but did nothing against him, as he sucked in a bottom lip, body swaying a bit.

“Are you happy to see that I’m a fucking failing after our divorce? I have no home, no parents, no husband. Nothing!”

He sucked in a bottom lip, body swaying a bit.

This push did make him stumble a bit but he regained his composure rather quickly. Tears had begun to fester in my eyes but I did everything I could to keep them at bay, not allowing them to spill over my cheeks.

“Why don’t you love me anymore?!”

My voice echoed through the small home as I gave one last push on Barry’s chest, watching him fall onto the couch behind him. Tears fell to the ground at my feet and I licked up the saltiness from my lips, sobs wrecking my body.

Barry looked up at me with sad eyes and went to reach for my hand.

“Y/N, please-.”

I smacked his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me! Is this what you wanted? To completely break me? Well congratulations, you’ve succeeded. You can leave now.”

I stormed away from him, fingers almost reaching for the bottle of vodka on the bar cart as I passed it. Once I was back in my bedroom, I let the door slam behind me, locking Barry out literally and figuratively.

#barry keoghan #barry keoghan x you #barry keoghan and you #barry keoghan x yn #barry keoghan and yn #barry keoghan and y/n #barry keoghan and reader #barry keoghan reader insert #barry keoghan x reader #barry keoghan angst #barry keoghan smut #barry keoghan fluff

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thefallennightmare · 1 year

Text

Broken-thirteen

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/pinterest.

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, smut, alcoholism, death, slight mention of attempted death, and abusive ex.

Authors Note: This one is a bit heavy, fyi.

My feet stumbled over each other as my vison blurred in and out of focus, everything around me slowly fading to darkness. The cold night air brushed across my heated skin but it was as if I couldn’t feel it thanks to the alcohol that numbed my body but I didn’t care, I needed to get far away from them, from him. Hours ago, I was angry at what I heard from Nora and how Barry tried to deny it but now all I felt was sadness. It seeped into my bloodstream, filling every single inch of my insides. My heart felt as if something wrapped this feeling around it, squeezing the life from me. I couldn’t breathe, my breath coming out in broken sobs.

I brought the bottle to my lips, the burning taste of beer gliding down my throat with ease. The soles of my feet ached from how far I walked but let the pain urge me forward, to where I did not know. As long as I was far away from Barry, I didn’t care where I ended up. The muffled sounds of rowdy people and music told me I was walking past a few pubs and I blended in with the other patrons who spent their night stumbling over themselves. I pushed my way through them, not bothering to apologize when our shoulders bumped together. The bottle in my fingers was empty and I let it slip from my grasp into the trashcan, missing the target completely. I had half a bottle of vodka and two beers swirling around inside me and it still wasn’t to erase everything that happened not only tonight but the last year.

How could I have been so stupid to allow Barry back into my life when I knew he would hurt me again? Out of everyone he could talk to about me, he chose Nora? He knew how much we didn’t like each other, how she tormented me for years growing up, but still went to her to vent about my personal life?

Guilt pulled down my heart for a long moment when the words I spat at him echoed in my mind.

“You’re no different from Ian.”

I shouldn’t have compared Barry to my ex because truthfully, he is nothing like Ian. I was shattered to pieces after Ian; it took me so long to feel okay with who I was. When I met Barry six months after that, he was the breath of air that my lungs were searching for. Barry never mentally or physically abused me. He treated me like I was the only one that mattered to him, the only one he wanted to have sex with, even when we weren’t official. We could have seen other people when we first started our friends with benefit relationship but neither of us wanted to. Barry was the definition of perfect until our marriage fizzled out and he found himself in the arms of someone else. Yes, we were separated when that happened but it still didn’t numb the heartbreak I felt when I found out.

My knuckles hurt like a bitch and I’m pretty sure I cracked the skin with how hard I punched Barry.

I was also pretty sure there was no way he would forgive me for it.

But why did I care? I was the one who said I hated him and never wanted to see him again.

The sound of water splashing against the shoreline told my drunk brain I ventured out towards the beach, five miles the opposite way I should have been walking. It was a small beach that during the summer, the pubs across the street would use for a beer garden and parties. Now in the middle of the night, it was eerily quiet even with the sounds from the pubs behind me.

“Fuck, I’m so lost,” I giggled to myself before stumbling to my ass in the sand.

As the waves crashed a few feet from me, I let out a staggered breath letting my thoughts drift away from Barry to the other reason my life was falling apart tonight.

My parents.

Nora talked details about their death, things I didn’t know about. Whenever I asked the police what happened, all they said it was a car accident, but they were still investigating. While my dad enjoyed a drink now and then, he wasn’t an alcoholic. If he had a drink that night, there was no way he would get behind the wheel to drive. My mother wouldn’t let him.

A picture of my mother, bloodied, hanging out of the windshield of their car flashed in my mind and I squeezed my eyes to ease it away.

My phone buzzed in my pocket for the sixth time since I left the bar but didn’t need to see who was calling.

Barry.

Besides the six calls, he sent countless texts that I could barley read through blurred vision thanks to the alcohol and tears.

Why the hell did you leave?

Pick up the fucking phone.

Fuck Y/N. Where the hell are you?!

If you’re home, just fucking tell me so I stop searching for you.

The first few texts were laced with anger but the last one had my breath catching in my throat when I read it.

Please tell me you’re alright, Y/N. I need to know you’re okay until I can find you. I’m running around town like a man crazed.

Now I stared at the one voicemail notification that appeared on my screen but before I could hit the play button, a voice calling my name made me jump. Eyes grazed up the long legs that stood next to me, up over the torso and arms, the familiar tattoo on his forearm, then to his head where his hair was shaved on the side but still kept some length on top. It may have been years since I’d seen him last, him changing so much, but those cold dark eyes never changed.

“Ia-Ian?” I stuttered, suddenly sober.

He stuffed his hands deep into his pockets, that signature smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. “I thought that was you. What are you doing on this side of town?”

My mouth was dry, unable to speak let alone think because I still couldn’t believe Ian was standing in front of me. I could hear my heart pound inside my ears.

“Hey,” Ian nodded down at me. “Are you alright? Have you been crying?”

That brought me out of my shocked stance and I hastily wiped the tears away while nodding.

“Uh, yeah I’m fine.”

I heard him sigh deeply before sitting next to me on the sand. The dark energy that used to radiate off of him was still there, fresh as the first day I found out who he was, so I did my best to keep some space between us.

“You look like shit,” Ian observed after a few beats of silence.

I snorted. “Always the charmer.”

A small chuckle rumbled out of his chest.

“It worked on you before.”

I bit down hard on my bottom lip almost tasting blood. My brain was screaming at me to leave him and go find Barry. But the alcohol was still pumping through me and I knew that if I tried to stand up, I would go face first into the sand.

“I heard about your parents,” Ian spoke softly.

It nearly slapped me in the face how genuine he sounded. We were together for a year and not once did I hear him ever sound like that.

“Yeah, I was in the states when it happened,” I said.

Ian shifted his position in the sand, whipping his hands on his jeans. “I also heard about the divorce.”

“Well, seems like my life is the talk of the town here,” I sighed.

It was Ian’s turn to sigh and his hand twitched with want to reach over to me.

“Life’s handed you a real shit hand lately, huh?”

He was spot on but I refused to let him know that.

“I should go,” I said quickly, doing my best to rise to my feet.

Now Ian’s hand rested on my thigh keeping me in place and I froze under his touch. I was waiting for the malice to sink his fingers deep into my skin, leaving marks. But it never came, only a soft squeeze of my thigh.

“Not yet. I want to catch up.”

I stared at him warily. “Catch up?”

“Yeah, believe it or not. I really missed you. You broke my heart when you married Barry.”

The way my heart fell into my stomach confused the hell out of me. Why did I feel bad for hurting Ian after everything he put me through?

Maybe because for the first time, he sounded sincere.

Internally I snorted. Ian being sincere? Yeah right.

“W-why? I didn’t think you cared that much,” some words came out slurred.

He stared out at the water for a few beats before his eyes fell onto my face and for a split second; I remembered what made me fall deep into him.

“Every one said you were the one that got away and I was a fucking idiot for letting you go,” he admitted with a deep breath.

I let out a shaky breath, eyes burning with tears. “Stop it.”

One brow raised into his hairline. “Stop what?”

“Stop manipulating me,” I said.

Ian shook his head. “I’m not, Y/N. It’s the truth.”

As to prove that he was, he softly cupped my chin so I could look him straight into his eyes now. The pad of his thumb grazed over my bottom lip as I sat frozen in his touch, afraid that if I made one wrong move, he would do what he always did.

A hand colliding with my cheek or fingers around my throat.

Suddenly, Barry’s words from when I told him everything Ian did to me echoed in my mind.

“You’re such a strong woman, Y/N. Never let him sink his teeth into you again with his charm. You know who he is behind that facade of a nice guy.”

“Let me go,” I placed my hands on his chest.

He wouldn’t budge when I pushed him.

“Are you drunk?” He asked, nostrils flaring as he got the scent of the vodka on my breath.

We were so close I felt his own breath fan over my lips.

“No,” I shot back.

Ian smirked. “You were always a terrible liar, Y/N.”

“Screw you, Ian!”

I gave another hard push into his chest.

He ignored my outburst by nodding behind me. “Let me take you back home.”

Ian’s hand was now at my elbow helping me to my feet but with the force I needed to rip myself from his grasp, it caused me to fall back to the sand on my back. Our gazes locked and with him staring down at me, something unreadable on his face, it reminded me of all the times in the past he looked down at me exactly like this.

“I’m trying to be nice,” Ian said.

I kicked sand at him while I scrambled away from him, now sitting on my ass again. “You nice?! That’s fucking rich.”

“Baby,” he cooed.

“Don’t!” I seethed this time throwing sand at him. “Don’t fucking call me that.”

Ian titled his head to the side, a sly grin spreading over his cheeks. “Why not? You used to love it.”

Gone was the sensitive Ian, replaced with the cold, abusive one. His dark eyes drank me in as he stalked closer to me, bending at the knees.

“Was Barry better than me? Is that why you stuck with him instead of coming back to me?,” he asked.

“Fuck you!” I slapped him.

A muscle in his cheeks jumped, and I knew I messed up. Before I had the chance to even try to run away, Ian was on top of my straddling me with his hips. I writhed underneath him trying to push him off of me but my strength had depleted thanks to the alcohol.

I was weak underneath him.

Ian pinned my hands above my head and barred his teeth at me.

“You have learned nothing have you?”

“I hate you,” I bellowed. “Get off of me!”

He sunk his head lower into the crook of my neck, breathing me in. “Scream all you want, no one can hear you over the music from the pub.”

Tears stung in the corners of my eyes but I refused to cry in front of Ian. He wouldn’t get the satisfaction in knowing he still had that effect on me. I raked my brain trying to remember all of those moves I learned in that self defense class Barry made me take.

“It’ll be good to learn how to protect yourself in case you run into him again.” Barry gave me a warm smile but his eyes darkened with worry.

My heart thumped hard against the cage in my chest and I leaned my head as far back as I could before slamming it right into Ian’s nose, it cracking instantly. He scrambled off of me, hands flying to stop the blood flow, and I took that slight opening to crawl onto my hands and feet.

“FUCK YOU!” I screamed then landed a hard kick into his stomach.

Ian coughed as one hand remained on his nose and the other clutched his stomach.

“I’m not the same girl I was when we were together. I’m stronger now and I don’t take shit from you or anyone.”

Another kick to his stomach.

“You’re a vile excuse for a man for everything you put me through. You fucked me up so bad that it took me a long time to trust no other guy would treat me the way you did.”

This time I gave him a swift punch to the jaw with the same hand I had punched Barry earlier, my knuckles screaming for me to stop abusing them.

Ian spat blood at my feet before he was on his feet, wobbly but standing stall. “You always were a bitch.”

My eyes sliced into him, taking in the appearance of blood trickling down from his nose. “And you were a piece of shit. I can’t believe I thought you actually missed me and felt terrible about letting me go.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “You think I give a shit about you? I was trying to sweet talk you into letting me take you back home so I could fuck you one more time. Barry likes to talk you two up to anyone who would listen about how sweet your mouth is.”

My mouth dropped at his words as I felt the familiar sting of betrayal.

“You’re lying,” I stammered.

Ian let out a dark chuckle. “You were an easy fuck, Y/N. Everyone knows it.”

Now the tears were falling over my cheeks with a vengeance, dropping to the sand beneath my feet.

“But not worth it,” he continued shaking his head at me.

With one final disgusted glance at me, Ian slammed his shoulder into me before walking away to wherever he came from.

I was wrong. This was the final nail in the coffin for this shit day.

I couldn’t take it anymore. The divorce, my parents' death, my relapse, Barry coming back into my life, the truth about my parents' accident, and now running into Ian again was way more than I could handle. They had ripped my heart to shreds then stomped on by everyone tonight.

Sobs wrecked through me as I kept my gaze on the water, the waves looking so inviting. The salty air tasted bitter on my tongue as I stepped closer to the waves. Even with the vibrating phone in my hand, it did nothing to stop me; I needed an escape even for a few minutes. But a nagging voice in the back of my mind kept telling me to answer the call so without a second thought, I did.

“Lo?”

A sob cut the first part of the word off.

“Thank fucking god,” Barry breathed into the phone. “Where are you?”

My knees nearly buckled at hearing his voice. “Barry.”

“Y/N, tell me where ya are.”

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see. “Please don’t come looking for me.”

“Grá.”

Nope, I lied. That was the final nail on my coffin. His nickname for me and hearing how wrecked it sounded coming from his lips.

“I trusted you,” I said in between sobs, the tips of my shoes getting soaked by the water. “I let you back into my life and you hurt me; again.”

“We can talk about everything once I find you. But ya have to tell me where you are.”

I shook my head again as someone from the pub across the street yelled something about it being last call.

“Are ya at Inch beach?” Barry asked with so much hope in his voice.

My response was a simple sob, unsure how he knew exactly where I ended up.

“Stay there, Y/N. I’m about five minutes away. Please don’t leave. Please.” He kept begging.

“Goodbye Barry,” I cried.

I ended the call by letting the phone slip from my fingers then began walking deeper into the cold, harsh waves of the ocean.

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thefallennightmare · 2 years

Text

Broken-five

*credit to whoever created the gif. found on google/Pinterest*

Pairings: Barry Keoghan x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, implied smut, mentions of alcoholism and death.

Authors Note: enjoy to whoever it is reading this!

Gone were the morning sun rays, now the afternoon blaze blasted into the windows of my bedroom, warming up my body. A loud groan echoed off of the walls as I slowly sat up in bed, glaring at the brightness of the sun, its happiness causing my stomach to rile with disgust.

Didn’t it know that I was trying to mourn, my parents and a hangover?

The blankets were thrown off of me as I reluctantly got out of bed, for one thing.

More alcohol.

I silently prayed that I was alone, Barry leaving last night when I asked him too. The last thing I needed while I drowned in my sorrows were his judgment or disappointed eyes.

My feet halted, almost screeching against the hardwood floors, as I took in the sight in front of me of the empty bar cart. Every single bottle of booze was gone and it was the same for the cabinets where I knew my parents hid the extras.

“What the fuck,” I grumbled.

Had I been in such a tired haze last night that I either drank them all or poured them out without remembering?

Suddenly, a deep voice sounded from outside on the patio and by how fast he was speaking, I knew something wasn’t right. His back was to me, the muscles under his shirt tightened as he leaned farther over the railing, letting out an annoyed breath.

“I'm sorry, but she needs me. I can't leave her. Christ, she just lost her parents. Can't you have some respect for that?....We were married, not anymore.”

The way Barry stressed the word ‘were’ made my stomach drop, trying to prove a point to whoever he was on the phone with.

“There's nothing between us, I was the one who asked for a divorce, Alyi…..No, I'm pretty sure she hates me, there's no more love there….I'm staying because I can't leave her, she needs help….

He stood straighter, back rigid, as he placed a hand on his hip and let out a breath. "I can't answer that because I'm afraid ya won't like the answer....Yeah, whatever Alyi.”

Barry spewed a few curses before pocketing his phone and as he turned to face me, he tried his best to give me a small smile. He failed, though, his anger being too much.

“Who was that?” I asked while crossing my arms.

He shook his head. “No one.”

I hummed. “Well, it seems like this ‘no one’ is pretty upset about you staying here with me.”

“Ya well, she’ll get over it,” Barry more so told himself.

“I don’t need your help, Barry. I’ve been doing fine on my own the past year,” I defended.

“Right,” he nodded, running a hand over his chin. “That’s why you were just looking for a drink?”

My jaw went slack as I pointed a thumb over my shoulder. “Did you have something to do with the missing booze?”

Barry scoffed while leaning his back against the railing now. “You’d really think I’d leave stacks on stacks of bottles here with you?”

“This is fucking ridiculous,” I stormed back inside to get far away from him.

It did nothing to deter him, Barry following me close behind.

“Do you not see how bad of a problem you have, Y/N? It’s barely noon.”

I spun on my heels, my hair flowing over my shoulder. “What I do is none of your business, Barry.”

“Isn’t it?” He stretched his arms out wide. “I’m here with ya because I’m afraid of what might happen if I leave.”

“Did you forget that you were the one that wanted the divorce?” I reminded him, voice raising a bit.

“Oh for Christ sakes,” Barry ran a hand through his hair. “Your relapse has nothing to do with the divorce.

I stared at him for a moment, completely dumbfounded that he was so naive to think that and a low scoff left my lips.

“It has everything to do with it! You threw away everything for some girl you met at an after party? You knew her for all of two minutes and suddenly you decided to have an affair?!”

Barry pointed a finger at me while shaking his head. “I was faithful to ya the entire relationship, Y/N. Don’t go saying stuff you have no idea about.”

“Bullshit,” I spat. “It’s all over the internet, Barry! Pictures of you and her together. Did you even think about how I felt, seeing them so soon after we signed the papers?”

His own anger faltered, only for a second, when he saw the lone tear that ran down my cheek. When I noticed him staring, I hastily wiped it away, refusing to let him get the satisfaction of hurting me once more.

“This was a mistake,” I breathed. “Drunk texting you. If I kept my feelings to myself, you wouldn’t be here right now and I wouldn’t have to deal with this.”

I pointed between us.

“Please leave,” I begged.

Barry didn’t move, simply stood in front of me with his hands deep into the pockets of his pants.

“I’m not leaving you.”

His voice came out hushed and I had to strain my ears in order to hear him.

“Please,” I begged once more, tears now falling from my eyes.

Barry shook his head, biting his lower lip, as he closed the distance between us by placing a tender hand on my cheek. Fire spread all throughout my body, feeling his touch in so long that it brought back so many memories and I whimpered, eyes fluttered shut.

“One week. Promise me you’ll stay sober for one week and then I’ll be gone,” Barry suggested.

Our eyes locked and I almost pulled away, told him to fuck off, not needing to make a promise for a problem I don’t have. But I realized that if I did agree to this, I could go the week with no drinking and then he’d be gone. I wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore or see his aggravating face.

His beautiful, strong boned, aggravating face.

“Okay,” I nodded, still in his embrace.

We continued to stare at each other, his bright eyes piercing deep into me and my heart skipped a beat when the magnetic pull between us became too strong to ignore. I felt myself melting into him, like I did so many times before. He must have realized what was about to happen because Barry let out a low cough and stepped away from me, his hand dropping to his side.

“I’ll stay on the couch. Do you parents still keep the extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet?” Barry rubbed the back of his neck.

The corner of my lip pulled up in a small smile as he remembered that tiny detail from so many years ago.

I nodded and shifted on my feet. “Yeah.”

We stayed there for a few more seconds with Barry’s tongue wetting his bottom lip, before I pointed to the bathroom. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

There was a quick flash in his eyes as he hummed low, a deep rumble in his chest. The tension around us shifted on the tether of angry conversation towards a very suggestive one.

Before either of us did something we would regret, I scurried past him and decided to stay hidden in the bathroom until the burning itch faded from between my legs.

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