#basement not pictured - keeping some secrets for now ;)

[persimmonsimmer]

Hellebore House

In the language of flowers, the hellebore stands for

tranquility . . . and anxiety

protection . . . and scandal

. . . and . . . delirium.

Can there be dark without light?

Pleasure, without the sting of pain?

Good, without . . . well, “evil” seems a little harsh! Not to mention how simplistic this whole system of binaries is in the first place.

The inhabitants of Hellebore House are not evil, although perhaps they are bad, or something less than good. They are self-serving, certainly. They are rather self-serious, too, and fond of luxury. They are not overly concerned with using their talents to force the wider world into a better, kinder, more enlightened shape. The world can fend for itself.

And who are you to judge them?

[placeinthemiddleofnowhere]

Reign down on me - Part 5

Pairing: Ghost x Hybrid!reader (eventual poly!141)

No use of y/n or mention of gender/race

Summary: Reader is a wolf hybrid in a world that treats them like second class citizens, given a horrible start in life after being thrown into the military with no preparation. After years of struggle, they're finally taken away from their base by Ghost, now a permanent member of taskforce 141 reader struggles to come to terms with the fact that perhaps there's a life there for them - if only they reach out and accept it.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, Angst, abuse mentions, self doubt, violent scenes

-🐺-

You fought back a sneeze, eyes going teary as your body pathetically fought the sand that had risen and invaded the wind. Suddenly you were finding yourself wishing for the ridiculous glasses that Ghost and the rest of the boys had been wearing earlier. Though you recognised that even if you had some of those monstrosities, it’d do you no good by that point. There was barely enough light to see by, the little half moon above was winking down and barely casting much of a glow over the night sky. 

Price had dragged you all into a briefing room earlier that day and gave you all the run down on a new target, Razin, a man suspected of manufacturing bombs for the militia you were after. From there you were shown pictures of him, raising your brows at his scrawny features, and given a little intel about the town you were now stalking through. Even at the time you’d quietly groaned at the mention of the little desert town, you hated having to put up with the sand getting caught in your fur and eyes, not to mention how it made it so much more difficult to scent things as well. 

The only benefit of the place was that the houses were small and usually that meant that there wouldn't be very much to sweep. That is if it weren’t built over a tunnel or extensive secret basement, which Price was heavily theorising could be a possibility. 

From what you’d been shown it was only supposed to be two floors tall, with a roof that allowed for people to be positioned on top of it, set against the backdrop of the rocky hills beyond. It was close to the outskirts of town but still enclosed by other houses, positioned on the side that crept nearest to the small river that snaked nearby before disappearing into the rocky outcrops beyond. It would’ve been a sweet little place if it weren’t owned by the chef boyardee of bombs. 

“Y’good, Pup?” Ghost murmured through the comms.

You looked over at the spot you knew he was positioned at, secreted away on the balcony to the right of you with his rifle, and huffed out a breath. Define ‘good’, you thought. It’d been a while since you’d been so far away from him. Now that you’d been hiding out by the open window for a few hours at least, you’d been blasted with sand and bored to death enough to make you want to cling desperately onto your handler’s leg and beg him to go home. 

“Affirmative,” you whispered back instead.

“Good. We’ve got movement on the road outside of town - you two might be set to move soon, so get ready.”

“Yes, Sir,” you answered. 

You rolled your tired shoulders and looked over at Soap, noting that his dark eyes were still flitting from the target location and to you, watching carefully like a fretful horse. He still looked barely more comfortable left alone with you than when you first arrived. The man had been none too pleased when Ghost explained his plan on arrival, frowning when he was told about your little team up. Couldn’t be helped when Soap was the best equipped to deal with explosives and someone had to play sniper and keep watch.

Of course Soap had continued to train with you in the week leading up to then, slowly getting better at not flinching whenever you got close to him. However he’d never had to be around you without Ghost as a buffer yet. Now that it was just you both in the small room across from the house, he was the most tense that you’d ever seen him. Not that he was trying to be obvious about it, he clearly felt he was being sly with his darting looks and slow sighs. For that you gave him some slack. 

“I’m thinking the window on the right side is the best entry point for me,” you said, looking meaningfully across at him. “I can sweep the first floor while you go around to the side door and I can make sure it's unlocked for you.”

“You wanna go in alone?” Soap questioned, narrowing his eyes at the house.

“It’s what war dogs are for,” you shrugged. “No point waiting for you to come in with me, I can get in and check the place out quietly before you come clomping in.”

“I don’t clomp,” Soap snorted, giving you a withering look. 

“Sure, tell that to all your heavy gear and your big boots. Trust me, if I go in and get a feel for the place then I can tell who or what we need to watch out for before we go sniffing out the target.”

“And you say ‘What’ meaning?” he questioned.

“Other hybrids, bombs, guns…etcetera,” you listed, shifting your sights to the window you’d pointed out.  

“You can tell all that just from going in and getting a whiff of the front room?” he asked dryly. 

“Well I can’t give exact information, but I can give a good guess. It’s just like when we’ve been training, if you let me get ahead of you then I can check the place out first and let you know what you’re up against. That’s how I keep myself useful.” 

“Ghost, you good with that?” Soap asked doubtfully, frowning over at the balcony from the corners of your vision. 

“The house has been quiet enough,” Ghost noted. “If Pup wants to go in first, I trust their judgement.”

“Pup’s way it is then,” Soap grunted, almost absolving himself of anything that might happen. “I’ll wait for you to open the door, furball.”

You nodded your head, forcing down your instinct to growl, keeping your focus on the window instead. You’d show him who was a fucking furball. 

This was it. It wasn’t lost on you that this job would prove to the team that you could be an asset - not just a stupid wolf that ploughed through training exercises. Someone that could be used as an effective tool if given the chance.

This was your chance. You anxiously ran your hands down your vest, breathing in measured lungfuls of air while you took stock of your inventory and grounded yourself. There were three knives held securely in the right side, new ones that Ghost had gotten for you ahead of the mission, and a small first aid kit and canteen stashed in the main pockets on your left. You were wearing your gloves, and your ear protection was on and looped round your ears, the rubber circlets had thankfully stopped feeling as aggravating against your fur now that they’d been on for a few hours. They always pressed up so uncomfortably against your helmet, though it was always better to face a little discomfort than being killed by a shot you might’ve avoided. 

“The car’s approaching the building, this is it.”

The old guard troupe would be coming out and a new one would be entering, however as the intelligence operatives had noted in their previous findings, the 2am group would never get to their posts on time. They'd opt instead to routinely drink and talk shit on the roof, presumably thinking that Eugene wouldn’t know about it, and would stick around for roughly a half hour before sluggishly making their way to where they should be - giving you and Soap time to get in, search for your target and hopefully get out before anyone was any the wiser. 

You heard the engine grumbling through the winding streets long before it reached the other side of the house, but as soon as the headlights illuminated the street over, they cut almost instantly with the noise. Doors slammed and snide voices carried out into the night, mingling together in two distinct groups, one set growly and tired and the others playful and light. It was impossible to make out exactly what they were saying, but you were sure that the group leaving were probably being very obvious about how happy they were to be getting the fuck out. 

“G’on, Pup,” Ghost murmured. “Make me proud.”

You shook your head and paid no more mind to the group on the other side, you were going to move forward out of view of them anyway. With Ghost’s encouragement strengthening your confidence, you were eager to press on. You nodded your head toward Soap as a ‘see you in there’ gesture and jumped out the window, stealing your way through the street and into the next window ahead. It was easy for you to spring up, tilting your tail a little to the left so that it wouldn’t smack against the frame.

As soon as you were inside you spotted the dancing shadows of the men toward the front of the building and found a decent hiding spot behind a side wall to wait in so that the new group of guards could pass by you. Your tail swished idly as you waited for them to come in and your ears twitched, listening out and rotating like little satellites as you took in your surroundings. The livingroom and kitchen were all one room, but there was a hallway to the bottom left that would allow entry into the house and up to the stairs beyond. 

The guard opened the door before long, letting the cool air breathe a sigh into the house, and luckily they trudged up the stairs in short order. Their steps were muffled and soft, attempting to be light so that their boss wouldn’t be alerted. You heard them all the same. Your ears could pick up so much more than any of theirs could, which means you knew the exact moment you were safe to launch yourself to the other side of the room and get the door for Soap. He raised his brows at you when you made a sweeping motion with your hand to welcome him in. 

“Love what you’ve done with the place,” he whispered. “How many guests we got?”

“We got about six men tonight I think. No hybrids - you’ll be glad to know,” you said just as quietly, grinning when you caught his guilty wince. “Can smell the explosives, think Price was right on his basement theory, they don’t seem like they’re upstairs.”

“Y’hear that Ghost?” Soap said, purposefully looking away from you. 

“Copy. I’ll keep an eye on the guards, you two track down that sly bastard,” Ghost answered, growly voice tickling your ears.

“Lead the way the way then, Pup.”

You nodded and lifted your head in the air, getting a good feel for the scent trail then turned toward the hall. The plastics clung at your nose and tugged you toward the stairs, but you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you needed to get below. Every instinct was telling you that you needed to go there, that someone’s steps had passed over them, but they hadn’t ascended. 

A soft growl tore itself from you. You needed to get closer to the source. You knelt down and took a tentative sniff of the floor, the steps creaked lowly like a clearing throat as you shifted your weight onto them. Bingo.

“The fuck are you doin’?” Soap hissed. 

You tilted your head up at him and smiled sweetly. 

“The nose knows,” you shrugged. 

“What’re you on about?”

Soap’s eyes were so wide you thought he might explode. You would’ve giggled if you weren’t conscious of how much noise you’d made already. No, it was important to try to be as quiet as possible in those next few seconds. 

You hooked your fingers onto the first step and pulled up, huffing out a breath as they turned out to be heavier than expected. Though in seconds the first three steps came away and rose up, revealing a concealed stairway below - leading down to the dingy basement. The smell continued through the shadows, air thick with that heavy plastic smell. 

“Fuck me,” Soap breathed. “You can smell secret entrances as well?”

“Oh yeah, they always smell fishy,” you smirked. 

“Jesus. Ghost’s humour is rubbin’ off on you,'' he groaned.

He had a point. Normally you weren’t one for pointless chatter, but you were in your element that day and after training so much with your new team you felt more relaxed than usual. Of course you weren’t operating under the assumption that Soap would be diving in front of bullets for you, but at the very least he had your back. 

“We’re heading underground, Ghost. See ya on the other side,” Soap noted, patting you on the shoulder just like Ghost normally would. 

You felt your tail give a slight swish against the backs of your legs. 

“Copy that, Sergeant,” Ghost confirmed.

Ghost was quiet compared to usual, focused on his targets you figured. It spurred you on to focus too. You quietly slipped forward down the stairway, nose raised in the air as you proceeded. Soap followed at your rear, quietly closing the stairway and bathing you both in almost pitch darkness. There was only a little light to see by, its source hidden round the corner. Things smelled and sounded clear, but nonetheless you braced, ready to duck and dive if you needed to. 

When you turned the corner however, there was no need for any quick exits. There was just another hallway with some candles stuck in hastily hammered in holders, the flames lazily flickering as the stale air kept them standing bolt upright. You frowned and pressed ahead, boots softly pressing into the runner carpets until you almost hit a chain, only just avoiding it as you’d caught the shine of it in the corner of your eye. 

You stuck a hand out to your left and kept Soap behind you, narrowing your eyes so that he’d know to be quiet. He caught on fast, not saying a word as you took another careful sniff around the air. Among the scent of burning wicks and aged dust there was something else, something earthy. There was a low droning sound as well now that you focused, a bassy groan that drifted through the walls.   

Hybrid, you mouthed. Attack dog. 

Soap’s eyes narrowed and he raised the pistol he’d unholstered from his side, the silencer reaching out into the hallway and past your body. You stepped off to the right and allowed him to push forward and round the corner, watching with dull interest as he shot the wolf man that had been resting by the next candle. After a soft pop sounded the man slumped off to the side and left a smear of crimson as he went, eventually thudding to the ground and rattling the chain once he reached the floor. 

“That’ll be the alarm system then,” you whispered. 

“Just him? There’s not anymore?” Soap asked, looking round warily for other signs of life. 

“Not that I can detect,” you said carefully, taking another cautious breath of air. “He’s in pretty bad shape though, probably been kept chained down here a while. Can’t imagine Razin would want the hassle of having to get by more than one hungry mouth on the way in.”

“Aye…probably not,” Soap said, lingering doubt heavy on his voice.

You turned and smiled to yourself, again wondering why the Sergeant was so afraid of your kind. He had a gun, two guns in fact - one strapped to his back. You and yours only had teeth and claws to defend yourself with. Every fight you went into was one that tipped your scales ever closer to death, yet he walked around sometimes like he was standing with the grim reaper himself when he found himself with you. 

There was no point getting caught up over it though. You advanced forward again and rounded another corner, this time greeted by muffled voices and sounds of implements working away. You getting closer. You were overwhelmed by the scent of a new person, baring your teeth at the thick coal like scent. It flooded your system and set your vision alight, peripherals shrinking as your wolf instincts came rushing forward. You were ready to attack, ears pinned back and tail sinking low. 

“Pick somethin’ up?” Soap murmured, voice sounding so loud in your sensitive ears you wanted to snarl at him. 

However, knowing your target was so close by, you silently turned instead and let Soap get a good look at your face. He seemed to visibly pale when his eyes met yours, but quickly remembered himself, raising his gun and holding his position behind you. Had you been more lucid, you’d have congratulated him for not flying off like a scared bird. 

However, you walked forward instead, sticking close to the walls and keeping yourself on high alert. It wasn’t long until you were greeted with the sight of a new entryway and the drowning scent of explosive materials. Your entire head was on fire, every little instinct screamed danger, but you followed your training and ignored the rising need to get away.You peered around instead, widening your eyes as you saw Razin right in front of you. He was working away with his back turned, too distracted by whoever he was speaking to on his tablet to be able to pay any attention to either of you. 

Soap slunk next to you and looked around, mouth set in a grim line as he sized up the target. All around him, littering his workshop were multiple prototypes, tons of different kinds of bombs that Soap would know far more about than you. The only thing you knew for sure was that you’d have to be quiet, take down the target as fast as possible - that was the only way to know none of them would go off. 

Soap gently patted your head to get your attention. Wait, he mouthed. 

You wanted to snap at him, mouth watering in anticipation of a bite, eyes narrowing as his hand drew close to your throat. However you wrenched yourself away from him and breathed out as quietly as you could, anxiously glancing between Soap and Razin as you waited for your ok.

It took every ounce of self control just to stand there. Soap didn’t look like he was in any rush to let you move. He listened to the conversation instead, jaw set and head tilted while he kept you suspended in the shadows, right on the precipice of an attack. You just wanted to go, needed to fly through the room and tear at something. 

The conversation between Razin and the deep voiced stranger on the ipad drew to a close before you lost it, ending with Razin cursing before swatting at the tablet and sending it flying. You followed the movement with your eyes and turned to Soap, almost barking with glee when he tightly nodded and gave you the go ahead to go capture your target. 

You had no clue what curses Razin was shouting when you landed on top of him, but you could hazard a guess that they were some of the worst profanities he could muster. His face scrunched in fury and his whole body flailed as he fought to get you off of him, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t shake you off. 

Your main priority was ensuring his hands couldn’t reach for anything and set something off, so as you secured yourself over him, you bit harshly into one of his arms and growled when he swatted at you with his other hand. Before he could do any real damage Soap came to your aid and wrenched Razin’s free hand behind his back, securing it in a cuff before taking the other arm from you and settling the other cuff round that one. 

“Release,” Soap commanded, voice wavering as he caught your eyes.

Your vision was almost completely darkened, indicating to the last sane shred of you that you’d gone nearly completely feral. Every limb in your body shook and your back felt like a lightning rod as the familiar instinctual tremble worked its way through you. Maddox’s voice rattled in your ear, the ghost of him ever present when you found yourself losing to the wolf. You are an attack dog, you will bite, you will kill, this is the only way to survive. Bite mutt, kill! Do what you’re meant for, dog!

“Pup,” Soap said carefully, trying to maintain eye contact. “You good?”

You growled in response, watching with displeasure as Razin continued to struggle beneath Soap. You wanted to put a stop to it. Not part of the mission, you reminded yourself, internally struggling with the angry beast inside your head. Need this one alive. 

“Pup,” Soap said again, voice a firm roar. 

“Yes,” you snarled, shaking your head and backing off. “M’fine. Lets go.”

Kill, mutt! 

You shook your head again, walking forward and dispersing any last traces of Maddox, fighting to regain control of yourself. Normally you weren’t so prone to falling back so badly on the wolf instincts, as much as you often did use them to get in the right headspace you were usually still in control of yourself.

Now you felt untethered. It felt as though any threat to you and the team had to be treated with the utmost hostility. And Razin was a threat. It had you frowning back at Soap, watching as he struggled to force Razin forward while his feet tried to plant against the floor. You growled when Soap was knocked back by him. 

Protect. Mine. Kill threat. 

You almost stopped in your tracks when the thought hit you. For once it wasn’t Maddox’s voice spurring you and forcing you to do terrible things, this wasn’t any outside voice at all. The low growl that rushed through your head like a chemical injection was your own. Normally your instincts kicked in for self preservation,your body doing whatever it needed to in order to get through a job alive. Now they were directed at Soap, more specifically, towards ending the struggling and kicking from the man he was holding. 

“I’m going on ahead,” you said, voice pitching up as you rushed forward. 

If you spent anymore time looking over at Razin and his flailing feet you were going to kill him. It wasn’t a speculation, it was a certainty. One that had you wide eyed and running terrified down the hall. 

You reached the top of the stairs in record time, pausing at the closed exit to listen out for anyone that might be coming down on the steps above. 

“Ghost, we’ve secured the target. Are we good to exfil?” you rasped, hearing Soap cursing as he manoeuvred the hallways a lot slower than you did.

“The men are finishing the last of their drinks, one of them went down already. You’ll need to take him out and get out of there as fast and quiet as you can,” Ghost supplied, voice level as usual.

“I can manage that. Soap, I’ll go find Razin’s buddy. You good to get him out?” you asked, looking back into the darkness for your answer. 

“I’m almost through the hall, fashioned a little gag for the bastard so I reckon we’ll be good on the staying ‘quiet’ part. Go ahead, Pup, clear to move,” Soap answered, voice echoing through the halls and on your comms. 

“Alright then.”

-🐺-

You were shaking terribly by the time you made it back to transport. Razin was properly secured now, hooded and gagged before being taken away to another section of the hold with an armed guard. He was safely out of view from your stabbing glare. Meanwhile Ghost and Soap ushered you toward the opposite corner, serious looks in both their eyes as they exchanged low whispers. 

Your head was filled with cloying fog. All you wanted to do, for whatever reason, was to get close to Soap, but you feared him retaliating too much to be able to do it. You wanted to make sure he was alright, but even you weren’t sure why you were so obsessed about it. It was Soap afterall, he was a highly trained SAS soldier, he was fine. 

Not to mention, when he’d seen your blood covered face come into view behind him in the safehouse, he’d almost screamed bloody murder. The last thing he needed was you to go barreling up to him. You swore you could hear his heart thumping even when you stood just across from him, it beat so loudly. It hadn’t eased much since then and getting to the plane either.

Mine. Safe? Hurt. 

Your chest held a small flame, body keeping it roaring as you anxiously wanted to check Soap over. You could smell his blood, could smell the copper tang that was corrupting the soft sage of his usual scent. It burned at your nose and caused you to whine when you got close. Ghost’s hand prevented you from getting nearer. 

“Pup,” Ghost said softly. “Pup, can you look at me?”

You tore your eyes away from Soap and dutifully looked up at Ghost. His face was still covered by his balaclava and his eyes were darkened from the black paint. You huffed as you focused on his pupils, taking in the spiced citrus and the sound of his infectiously steady pulse. 

Your panting breaths eased. 

“You did good, Pup. Kept Soap safe and took down Razin and got that guard. You did a very good job,” Ghost rumbled, petting between your ears as he normally did. “Can you come sit down for me?”

You nodded, feeling almost in a trance as you complied with his request. You sat on the solid bench next to your Lieutenant, stopping to anxiously look back at Soap, until Ghost firmly gripped your jaw and tilted your head back to him. You whined. 

“Shh, Pup. Shhh. Just give me your attention for a sec, ok?”

You gave him a little growl, but as soon as the look in his eyes hardened, you hushed up immediately. Have to be good for him, you thought to yourself. You closed your eyes for a second, and continued to work on your breathing, calming down with each evening heartbeat. Ghost watched you the entire time, never letting his gaze wander even for a second. 

“Good, Pup,” Ghost praised after a moment, making sure to pet your back and over your ears. “That’s my good Pup, listening so well. Now…Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

You froze at his question. Biting your lip when you knew he wasn’t going to let you get away with a lie. 

“Soap’s bleeding,” you said simply, finally letting your eyes drop down to the floor. “Want to know he’s ok.”

Ghost tipped your chin back up with his hands. You could see his eyebrows were raised under the mask. You desperately wanted to look away again, but Ghost wouldn’t allow it. Soap snorted from behind your shoulder, he was still standing away from you both. His nervous steps across the metal were like their own heartbeat in your ears.  

“I’m fine. The fucker bashed my nose in while he was strugglin’,” Soap explained. “A wee bit blood is nothing to get so upset over.”

You whined. You already knew logically that he was fine. It wasn’t your logical mind that was worked up though. Otherwise you’d be able to actually explain the problem to Ghost. However, as it was, you had no idea what the problem really was. All you knew was that Soap had been bleeding and you were absolutely beside yourself with worry over it. 

Ghost seemed to have an idea though. He nodded to himself and petted your head for good measure, giving you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder before he went to his pack. You watched his movements, cataloguing every step he took, trying to work out what he was doing. Sometimes when you got too worked up you’d get sent for a sleep, injected with a cocktail of drugs to force some calm into you.

Was Ghost going to knock you out?

You watched carefully as he pulled what looked like a bottle of water and a cloth from his bag instead. He untwisted the cap and carefully wetted the cloth, not letting too much liquid flood the material before he turned back to you. 

“Stay still for me, darlin’. Keep your mouth closed,” he ordered.

You frowned, not sure what he was about to do until he began wiping at your face, smoothing the cloth over your skin until it turned red with the other men’s blood. He was cleaning you. The realisation had you untensing yourself and for a few moments longer you sat still and let Ghost work his magic until your face felt clean and light. All the grime was gone, your skin felt a little raw, but still it was better than before. 

“Soap, you trust me don’t you?” Ghost said, putting the bottle down and looking over your shoulder.

The pacing behind you stopped. 

“Not when you bring it up like that,” Soap retorted. 

Ghost rolled his eyes.

“Come sit down.”

“Why?” Soap asked suspiciously. 

“Just come.”

It took a second, but soon Soap complied, coming to rest beside Ghost. Ghost wasn’t someone to argue with, even to other humans. You saw Soap now, pupils dilating so quickly that you could feel your eyes actively adjusting to shut out light. Oh no, not again, you thought. You were losing yourself to instinct, wanting to surge forward and get closer - wrap yourself around him like a scarf. You looked away, trying to lessen his horror (and yours) as he shifted back a bit to get some distance. 

“Soap, you’re not gonna like this…but please trust me,” Ghost said, bringing you close to his armoured chest. “I need to ask you to do something.”

You gratefully wrapped yourself round him, only barely able to get your arms fully round his vest so that you could hug into the man like he was your only source of warmth. It helped. Fully shutting your eyes against Ghost’s black tac gear and trying to distract yourself from the man next to him was the next best thing to whatever your instincts were screaming at you to do. 

“Spit it out,” Soap said through gritted teeth. 

“I need you to take Pup and let them…well essentially give you a hug,” he said awkwardly, clearly unsure of how to ask.

Soap snorted out a dark laugh and you were sure if you looked up you’d see a disgusted expression. 

“I don’t think nows the time for having a fucking laugh, LT.”

“I wouldn’t suggest it if I thought you were in any danger,” Ghost said, voice taking on an edge as his body stiffened under you. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important either, I don’t want to hurt you. You know that.”

“Ghost, look at their fuckin’ eyes, I don’t see why-”

Soap stopped before he could finish, huffing through his sentence like he’d been asked to diffuse a bomb with five seconds on the clock. Your ears flicked as you picked up a new sound filling the space, something soft and forlorn that rattled through you.

Your own sobs, you eventually realised.

You were losing yourself again, you hadn’t even realised you'd started crying. It became more than evident as the hot tears drifted down your cheeks.

“Pup, it’s ok,” Ghost said gently, stroking your ears. “Shh, you’re ok. Why’re you cryin’?”

You shook your head, head feeling dizzier than if you’d spun in an endless circle. Words were too much. They were too human.

“Ey?” Ghost continued, smoothing his hand over your back. “What’s wrong?”

You shook your head again. Your body lurching with a growing dread. 

“If I-” Soap began, freeing on his words as he tried to figure out what to say. “If I take Pup…will it help…this?”

Ghost took a pause, trying to coax you from where you were squishing your face under his chin. 

“I reckon so,” Ghost said. 

Soap sighed, pushing you to cry harder. The only rational part left of you couldn’t be sure of why his reticence was so upsetting to you, but then again you weren’t even sure what had caused any of the upset in the first place. So many men had been hurt while you were with them, and most of the time you couldn't give a shit - the rest of the time you were happy even to watch them bleed or sometimes cry through some of the worst injuries. Now Soap had a bit of a nosebleed and you were practically choking as if you couldn’t take on air anymore. 

You couldn’t make sense of it. 

You especially couldn’t make sense of it when Soap switched places with Ghost and sat at your back, ending your little crying fit when he took you from your handler and held you to his front. Your sobs quietly retreated into your throat and your tears turned off like a tap had been yanked. Instead of breaking down, you focused on burrowing into his chest. Your body completely calming when you picked out the sound of his heartbeat and got closer to the fresh scent of sage, nuzzling your nose just shy of his collarbones. 

“What the hell…?” Soap breathed, body tensing as you finished getting comfortable. 

It took a little moment until he was able to slowly relax his muscles. His arms came first, settling around you, and then his thighs slowly dipped down. His pulse was the last to die down, beating insistently against your ears like a timpani drum before it gently became more of a wing beat.

You sighed contentedly and felt yourself getting very tired, closing your eyes just before your vision fully faded back into focus again. 

“You have no idea how much you’ve just helped,” Ghost said gratefully, voice sounding distant as you continued to float into what felt like a different plane of existence. 

“Are you gonna tell me how I helped?” Soap asked, voice sounding insistent as his heartbeat picked up again. “You tellin’ me that whenever one of us gets hurt that pup’s gonna need a bloody emotional support buddy to get through it?”

Ghost laughed throatily.

“Not likely,” he assured, leaning forward and stroking your back. “Learnt about this way back in training, but I’ve never seen it so strong so quickly - Pup’s pack bonded to us, but its not a secure bond right now. I’m guessing they got upset because they thought you being hurt and keeping your distance was like a rejection. Basically like you saying that they don’t need to be concerned about you getting hurt because you’re not part of the pack.”

“Well how was I supposed to kn-”

“You weren’t,” Ghost soothed, calming Soap down before you could properly stir again.

You hummed against Soap’s chest and frowned at his quickening heartbeat, attempting to slow it with a gentle nuzzle. Though it didn’t do much to calm him, so you soon stopped and found that worked better instead.

It was only when you went still that they resumed talking again.

“So what does pack bonding mean?” Soap asked, sounding unsure as he shifted around you. “Pup doesn’t even know that much about me and now we’re in this- a pack.”

Ghost chuckled at that, the material of his clothing loudly buzzing at your ears as he shook. 

“It’s not like a forced marriage Johnny, you don’t have to sound so frightened, it mostly just means their instincts’ll tell em’ to keep us safe. It’s probably down to all the protection work Price has had them doing while we’ve been in the beginning stages. Pup’s had a rough life, no ones ever cared for em’ like we have, even in the short time that’s been. Even when you’ve been handling Pup like a feinting nun, you’ve probably been nicer than most people they’ve met.” 

“Fuck you, feintin’ nun,” Soap spat, laughing despite himself. “You told me the other day I was doin’ well!”

“You have been doing well. Better than I thought you would,” Ghost said softly, a smile weaving its way through his voice. 

“Well enough to be in a pack apparently,” Soap huffed, absentmindedly running his hand over your back. 

You practically purred in pleasure at that, letting out a low happy sound in your throat. Soap startled, but still held onto you, hand freezing in place however. He clearly didn’t understand that the noise you were making was supposed to be something nice. 

“Why’re they growling at me?” Soap squawked. “What’d I do?”

“Relax! That’s not growling, not per se,” Ghost laughed, “It’s a good growl. Mean’s they’re happy. Untwist your knickers, you don’t wanna work Pup up again.”

“Fuckin hell…pack bonding…happy growls. What’s next? My poor heart could’ve done with a warning before having to hunt a terrorist and deal with all this,” Soap huffed. “And you say all this is because we’re nice? How bad has a life gotta be for a hybrid to wanna hug me? How’s this even helping?”

“It’s not about the hug itself. Being close like that is just letting them hear your heartbeat and get your scent. Pup knows you’re ok because you feel and smell healthy - that’s all they needed. It doesn’t help that the Branhaven arseholes condition them to surrender to their instincts on the field. It’s good when it comes to hunting people down, doesn’t help so much when they get all panicky because one of their own’s been bleeding.” 

“And they don’t train that out?”

“Wouldn’t have had to before. Like I said - we’re the only ones that’ve been nice to em’,” Ghost said, voice quietening when he said the next part. “We’re the only team that’s ever applied for guardianship in the entire time they’ve been working. They got stuck in the military when they were ten and got signed away under a DNN contract. Even though it’s only been a week, we’re all Pup has. It’s only natural for them to feel like this.” 

“What’s a DNN contract?” Soap asked.

“Do not notify,” Ghost said, the words making you whine softly  as you thought back to when it was first explained to you. “Means Pup’s parents didn’t want contact after they dropped them off. No phone calls or letters from them, no contact, no notice if they ever get killed or captured.”

“That’s fuckin’ bullshit,” Soap growled.

“Mhmm,” Ghost hummed, stroking his hand over your back again. “Such a sweet Pup too. Got us to be good to you now. Our good Pup, huh?”

You whined in agreement and settled into Soap fully, happily letting yourself drift off to thoughts of citrus and sage. Theirs, the raspy inner voice whispered - just before you could fully lose the battle to sleep. Mine. Theirs. Mine!

-🐺-

The next day, after the debrief had reached its conclusion, Soap asked Ghost if he could have five minutes with you. You’d bitten your lip, anticipating that he might want to chew you out for you’d acted with him, and sadly nodded when Ghost said he’d be waiting across the corridor in Price’s office for you. 

As soon as the door had clicked closed, you waited for the shouting to begin and wrapped your arms tightly round yourself, as if to keep your heart in your chest. Soap didn’t roar or hit the desk, or make any moves you’d been waiting for, not right away at least you’d figured. No, he gently tugged the seat in front of you out from the table and sat down across from you.

You peered over at him and felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment, still not completely past the fact you’d insisted on curling round him like a little lap dog. Things were a bit foggy from that day still. Ghost had had to explain on the way back to his that you’d succumbed to your instincts and Soap has helped you calm down, but sure enough once he had, you remembered what you’d done and felt deathly self-conscious. No matter how much Ghost had tried to insist that it was ok, you’d gone to bed that night without speaking another word.  

“Look, um…I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Soap said nervously, arching his body down so that he could speak on your level. 

“You’re sorry?” you repeated, not sure you’d heard right. 

Did he mean to ask for an apology from you instead? You had no idea what he could possibly need to apologise for. As far as you were concerned his behaviour had been completely justified, you had acted like a crazy person. It wasn’t normal to need to sit and sniff people and hug them after they’d suffered a very common injury in the line of work you were in. Yet he still wanted to apologise to you? 

“Yeah,” Soap breathed, pursing his lips before he could explain himself. “I’ve been treating you like a threat when you haven’t deserved it. It’s not acceptable, I’m a grown man and I’ve been acting like a scared kid around you. So I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Uh…” you trailed, not really sure how to respond. “Thanks?”

It wasn’t often that anyone apologised to you, especially not when they hadn’t even done anything that you deemed bad. For that reason, you were left scrabbling for something to say and unfortunately left wanting, letting the sentiment of gratitude hang in the air instead. Things were even more awkward now. 

“You don’t need to worry about yesterday as well…Ghost said you were feelin’ awkward and I-”

“It won’t happen again,” you assured, swallowing a thick lump in your throat. “I’ll get better control of myself.”

“Well, you weren’t really yourself, so…It’s fine. You had your reasons.”

It wasn’t fine. However you didn’t really want to disagree with him, so instead you nodded tightly and looked away from Soap instead. 

“I know you have your reasons for how you are with me,” you said softly. “Something to do with your scar, right?”

“How’d you…?” Soap trailed off, rubbing his thumb along the cracked keloid on his chin. 

He almost seemed to realise the answer to his own question as he did it. You nodded when his eyes widened. It was almost comical really, he seemed like he was caught doing something awful when it wasn’t even a big deal. You were used to people being distrustful of you, had had your own parents accuse you of being ready to turn into a rogue beast at any moment. Being feared wasn’t anything new.

“It’s fine,” you shrugged. 

“No, look…You should know - I don’t think you’re gonna do anything like this to me and even then that’s not really why I- It’s not- ugh fuck it,” he sighed, body growing heavy as he sat back in his chair. “My little brother was jumped by a hybrid when we were young. He was playin’ football in the street and ended up kicking the ball too far down the road. I was supposed to be watching him and I was too busy chattin’ to my friends and- well all I heard was him screamin’ bloody murder and when I got there he was knocked out and his arm had nearly been chewed clean off. I managed to get the wolf- i mean him off my brother, but then he turned and scratched me- tried to bite- I… well anyway - I got him away and my brother ended up in hospital for a long time and it was a really fuckin’ dark time for my family.”

You watched his impassioned expressions as he told his story and nodded along, wincing as he tried to use the right words to try and explain to you what had happened. He didn’t need to explain it to you, not really. He looked down right pained as he remembered back to what must have been an awful day for him. 

Now you both sat in the heavy silence of the now cavernous room. 

“I’m sorry that happened,” you said awkwardly.

“I didn’t tell you that because I wanted you to feel sorry for me,” he said in a reassuring tone. “I just wanted you to know I have some shit to work on, and I that I am trying to work on it. I don’t want you to feel any less a part of the team because of how I act. You’re just as much a part of the 141 as I am, don’t doubt it for a second.”

Your ears pinned flat to your head and your chest swelled with emotion. The drum inside your chest beat quickly out of time and you struggled for a moment, feeling a light tingling at the back of your neck. Part of you tried to convince yourself that it was all a mean trick, but just one look into his soft blue eyes told you that he was genuine. He really didn’t want you to feel bad.

“Thanks, Soap,” you murmured, fighting the lump in your throat just to speak. “That’s really kind of you.”

“Just the truth,” he grunted, trying to inconspicuously clear the emotion from his voice. “You should probably go get Ghost now, yeah? You’ve probably got some runnin’ around to do.”

You broke at that, nodding and letting your eyes clear of the growing wetness. Soap had only in the past few days started referring to your training as ‘running around’, and it was a fair way to sum it up, but no less insulting. Playfully insulting at least, the kind of thing  teammates would say. 

It made you smile then. 

“Yeah…” you laughed, slowly rising from your chair. “Best get to it.”

[goryhorroor]

Upcoming horror movies (some without release years) - not in order

Longlogs - FBI Agent Lee Harker is assigned to an unsolved serial killer case that takes an unexpected turn, revealing evidence of the occult. Harker discovers a personal connection to the killer and must stop him before he strikes again.

Nosferatu - A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake.

Bermuda - Unknown details but it will be set in the mysterious patch of the Caribbean where planes and ships have gone missing over the years.

Twisters (ok thriller but imma count it because i can) - A sequel to the 1996 film about stormchasing scientists studying tornados.

Immaculate - Cecilia is warmly welcomed to the picture-perfect Italian countryside, where she is offered a new role at an illustrious convent. But it becomes clear to Cecilia that her new home harbors dark and horrifying secrets.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - The film centers on the Spengler family as they return to where it all started – the iconic New York City firehouse – to team up with the original Ghostbusters, who’ve developed a top-secret research lab to take busting ghosts to the next level. But when the discovery of an ancient artifact unleashes an evil force, Ghostbusters new and old must join forces to protect their home and save the world from a second Ice Age.

Mickey's Mouse Trap - follows a group of friends who become targets of a serial killer dressed as Mickey Mouse

Imaginary - When Jessica moves back into her childhood home with her family, her youngest stepdaughter Alice develops an eerie attachment to a stuffed bear named Chauncey she finds in the basement.  Alice's games with Chauncey become increasingly sinister, and Jessica intervenes only to realize Chauncey is much more than the stuffed toy bear she believed him to be.

Skeletons in the Closet - Haunted by a malevolent spirit since childhood, a desperate mother allows herself to become possessed in order to save the life of her terminally ill daughter.

Lisa Frankenstein - love story about a misunderstood teenager and her high school crush, who happens to be a handsome corpse. After a set of playfully horrific circumstances bring him back to life, the two embark on a murderous journey to find love, happiness… and a few missing body parts along the way.

Winnie The Pooh: Blood & Honey 2 - oh yay? I guess a sequel

Adrift - It is described as a supernatural ghost story set aboard a ship. It is an adaptation of a short story by Koji Suzuki

Dustbunny - It follows a young girl who asks her neighbor to help her kill a monster under her bed after she thinks it has eaten her family.

Faces of Death -  follows a woman who discovers violent videos that recreate death scenes from movies online. 

Heretic -  two religious women who become the focus of a strange man's games. 

History of Evil - In the near future, war and corruption have plagued America and turned it into a theocratic police state. Against the oppression, ordinary citizens have formed a group called The Resistance. One such member, Alegre Dyer, breaks out of political prison and reunites with her husband Ron and daughter Daria. On the run from the militia, the family takes shelter in a remote safe house. But their journey is far from over, as the house’s dark past begins to eat away at Ron, and his earnest desire to keep his family safe is overtaken by something much more sinister.

MaXXXine - Six years after the ‘Texas Pornhouse Massacre’, Maxine is now LA-based and on a driven quest to become a star in the acting world. But things take a sinister turn when bodies once again begin to fall around her.

Dracula - A futuristic sci-fi western version of Dracula.

Apartment 7A - Prequel to the 1968 film Rosemary’s Baby.

Baghead - follows a young woman who inherits a run-down pub and discovers a dark secret within its basement. Enter Baghead - a shape-shifting creature that will let you speak to lost loved ones, but not without consequence. 

Out of Darkness - In the Old Stone Age, a disparate gang of early humans band together in search of a new land. But when they suspect a malevolent, mystical, being is hunting them down, the clan are forced to confront a danger they never envisaged.

Stopmotion - stop-motion animator by the name of Ella whose latest project might just be driving her to the brink of madness.

Late Night with the Devil - 1970s talk show host Jack Delroy on his last legs, wrung out by personal tragedy and in need of a ratings win. His plan to feature as a guest a young girl who is allegedly possessed seems like a Halloween night layup… until the cameras roll and all hell literally breaks loose.

You'll Never Find Me - An isolated man living at the back of a desolate caravan park is visited by a desperate young woman seeking shelter from a violent storm. As the savage storm worsens, these solitary souls begin to feel threatened – but who should really be afraid?

The First Omen - When a young American woman is sent to Rome to begin a life of service to the church, she encounters a darkness that causes her to question her own faith and uncovers a terrifying conspiracy that hopes to bring about the birth of evil incarnate. (this might be a prequel to the omen)

Abigail - After a group of would-be criminals kidnap the 12-year-old ballerina daughter of a powerful underworld figure, all they have to do to collect a $50 million ransom is watch the girl overnight. In an isolated mansion, the captors start to dwindle, one by one, and they discover, to their mounting horror, that they’re locked inside with no normal little girl. 

Return to Silent Hill - James, a man broken after being separated from his one true love. When a mysterious letter calls him back to Silent Hill in search of her, he finds a once-recognizable town transformed by an unknown evil. As James descends deeper into the darkness, he encounters terrifying figures both familiar and new and begins to question his own sanity as he struggles to make sense of reality and hold on long enough to save his lost love.

Infested -  invasion of venomous spiders, forcing residents of a suburban building to find a way out.

Tarot - Tarot follows a group of friends who recklessly violate the sacred rule of Tarot readings – never use someone else’s deck. In the wake of broken rules, consequences follow, this time in the form of unleashing an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards. 

The Strangers Chapter 1 - a couple, have to survive the night while being terrorized by masked strangers in a remote Airbnb in Oregon

The Watchers - the film follows a young woman who becomes trapped with three strangers in a shelter deep within a forest in Ireland where the group must fight off mysterious creatures every night in order to survive. 

Never Let Go - a family who has been tormented by an evil spirit for years as their lives become more dangerous when one of the kids questions if the evil is real. 

The One - Follows character Taylor as she becomes a contestant on a reality TV dating show to find love. Taylor's experience takes a turn as she gets down to the final three and becomes terrified of not finding love (with a horror twist)

Thread: An Insidious Tale - new actors who play a husband and wife who use a spell to travel back in time to prevent their daughter's death, which has worse consequences than imagined

Weapons - The movie is about the disappearance of high school students in a small town, similar to the movie Magonlia's from 1999

A Quiet Place: Day One - New characters in New York

Alien: Romulus - takes place between the first & second movies

Beetlejuice 2 - not much is known about the plot details, but Beetlejuice will have a wife & Lydia's daughter will be in it

Speak No Evil: this is the English remake (all it really says; but it's just the 2022 movie but English?)

Smile 2 - it's a sequel but no details have been revealed

Terrifer 3 - not too many details revealed but it will take place on Christmas Eve

Wolfman - not too many details revealed but it's a new take on the werewolf tale

I Saw The TV Glow - Teenager Owen is just trying to make it through life in the suburbs when his classmate introduces him to a mysterious late-night TV show — a vision of a supernatural world beneath their own. In the pale glow of the television, Owen’s view of reality begins to crack.

Don't Move - A seasoned killer injects a grieving woman with a paralytic agent and she must run, fight and hide before her body completely shuts down.

Arcadian - Nicolas Cage comes back to save the day - and his children - from ferocious creatures at their remote farmhouse.

All My Friends Are Dead - College friends? Remote Airbnb? A secret murderer? What could go wrong in this classic toxic friend group killing spree? Looking forward to attending the biggest music fest of the year, this group of friends get together for what should be a killer weekend.

Monolith - It is about a disgraced journalist who investigates a conspiracy theory while trying to salvage her career.

some movies coming out maybe not this year but have been floating around: The Toxic Avenger (I think remake), Witchboard (remake), Year 2 (about werewolves), Shelby Oaks (A woman's desperate search for her long-lost sister falls into obsession upon realizing that the imaginary demon from their childhood may have been real), Salem's Lot (remake), Little Bites ('70s-set monster movie that highlights the lengths a parent will go to protect a child), The Crow (Reboot), Jordan Peele's untitled movie, I've also seen there's going to be another Saw (but it hasn't been confirmed), and another Scream (but that production is already a trainwreck so who knows)

[pantiesandpamperssissypart2]

"It's not okay, you know that, right?"

Jason was startled as he stared at his laptop in the living room. His wife Amber had just come from the basement. "I saw you post some stupid meme on your fucking Tumblr. About how you wear diapers and it's okay. It's not. You're not so fucking gone that you think that, are you?"

He sat there silently. Occasionally, ever since he had confessed his love for diapers and shown her his Tumblr and explained this is who he really was, she would have these little outbursts about his desires. Usually she just wanted to blow off steam. She had said she would never ever participate in his desires and had also cut him off from all sex or intimacy. But she'd said he could do what he wanted and she'd of course keep his secret. "Not like I want others knowing I married a diaper freak!" So he kept posting on Tumblr where he was anonymous and sometimes when she was at work and he was working from home he'd get out his stash and wear. And now he'd seen a cute meme and posted it to let others like him know he wore and it was okay!

But instead of leaving Amber kept standing there. And now she sat on the couch.

"It's revolting, is what it is. It's hard to believe a Stanford grad is so stupid he doesn't realize that. You gave up sex with your wife to wear a toilet around your waist. No, sorry. A sewer around your waist. And not only that, you do it not because it's a medical necessity, which would be gross enough but hey it happens to old folks in nursing homes, I suppose, but it's the sole source of your sexual pleasure. Like when you hear those words said aloud to you by a woman, it doesn't register that it's not okay that you wear diapers?"

Jason tried blurting something out but nothing came. He was kind of scared, she'd never acted like this since his revelation. Now she burst out laughing. "God. I can just picture you sitting here. Typing to your little friends, seeing some dumb photoshop that some imbecile put together in 3 seconds and you repost it as if it's as deep and meaningful as Martin Luther King Junior talking in Washington. You. Wear. Diapers. You shit and piss in diapers because it makes your pathetic excuse for a cock hard. And you think that's a-okay in today's society. You thought I would somehow, what, want to be your mommy. My god."

Was this ending soon? He hoped it did.

"So, I kind of changed my mind. Since you apparently think it's okay and you want to share that, I've done that. Figure everyone will know I'm not at fault and will feel bad for me. So I got over my fear of everyone knowing who I'd married. Now they'll know who I ditched. A diaper freak."

His jaw dropped.

"Yeah. All those pics on your laptop, few days ago I downloaded them to an external drive for safekeeping. Was never going to do anything with them but after seeing this idiotic post of yours where you apparently want everyone to know you're a Pampers-wearing pansy, well, guess what. I just sent them to your family. And mine. And your work. And friends. And everyone on that 10-year high school reunion facebook page of yours. Told them you revealed this to me and are loud and proud and want to be seen in your diapers and you think it's okay and they should too. Also, I'd like you out of here tonight. Like, 10 minutes ago but 10 minutes from now works too. Time for diaperboy to be who he is!"

Jason still hadn't moved. Still hadn't said a word. That's when his phone started blowing up. Just like his life.

[blingblong55]

Glitch- Simon 'Ghost' Riley x M! Reader, Vladimir Makarov

I was wondering if I could have Ghost x Male Reader with some Makarov, like Makarov likes reader and maybe scare the shit out of Ghost cause reader get captured

Based on a request:

M!Reader, established relationship, some angst (not really), fluff?,

You and Simon have been in a secret relationship for a few years now. It started off as you two being just colleagues, to him asking you to hang out with him. And now years later he is super happy you are his boyfriend. He adored the idea of always having you around. During missions he would always make sure you were safe. It was time for another mission, this time it was in Russia. It would just be 141 and you, nothing too big.

One day as you walked around a small village, Makarov saw you. You in some military uniform, a balaclava and your weapon. You stared at him as he passed by, he was mesmerized by you, your eyes so beautiful and so expressive. You were walking with Soap that day. Ghost had ordered you two to go get some food.

''That fella looks sketchy, don't ya think?'' you looked back and met with Makarov still staring at you.

''All Russians look sketchy, dead eyes, and that accent.'' Soap chuckled as he saw you turn around.

'' Yer little boyfriend might get jealous.'' he leaned in, which caused you to look at him. ''how do you-''

''please, the stares, the fact I saw you two kiss and also how he is more nicer to ya, I just knew you two were dating.'' he adds.

''does everyone else know?''

''yes and no, Ghost makes everyone shut up about it. He likes ya...really does.''

''how do you know?''

''He always blushes when you take your mask off, under all that eye paint, it's still noticeable. His voice is so soft towards you, it was bound to happen. S'nice to know the L.T. has someone.''

You smile taking all of that as a compliment. Simon Riley, the once cold hearted man, and now there he was waiting for his boyfriend to make it back to base. He had a picture of you two, you wearing his skull balaclava and he yours, you with a peace sign while he flipped the camera off.

Days after seeing Makarov, you were sent to look around the small village, no one could go with you, so you walk the same street as before, alone. Thats when Makarov saw you once more. He had grown some sort of infatuation for you. Well more like an obsession. He ordered his men to kidnap you, a truck pulled besides you and before you could react they knocked you down, dragged you into the truck and drove away.

Ghost was worried you hadn't returned to him. He almost lost all control of himself, he cursed himself for not trying to go with you. Laswell had found footage of the second they took you. And as the men made a plan, you were locked inside a basement.

Your hands tied to a chain, right in front was Makarov. He was in awe his hand slowly reached towards your balaclava. Once he removed it a satisfied smile was slowing creeping onto his face.

''well what a handsome man you are.''

You just looked at him, ''what is your problem?''

''My problem is I didn't have you, until now.''

''I am not yours too keep.''

''no? well, we'll see about that.''

In his mind, he had hoped maybe one day you would develop Stockholm Syndrome. That someway you'd accept to be his. But how could you ever love him when you love just one man and one man only.

As Makarov talked all you could think of was Simon, how much he would be hating himself. What if he had one of his episodes? who would be there to calm him down? talk him out of his own thoughts.

Four days passed, Makarov had kept you near him at all times, he had you tied up, but he wanted you around. He wanted you to see him ordering people around, thinking that might impress you. Wanted you to hear him speak Russian, as if the language would've made you love him.

But throughout the days, you only pictured one man. How his arms would wrap around you and how he would kisses your shoulder as he hugged you. He deep yet sweet voice ringing through your ears about how his day was. The cuddles and the small little touches he would give you throughout the day.

Yes, he was Ghost, but when you and him were together, it was Simon showing you his love.

On day 5, you were sure the team had been looking all over the country for you. At around 2 am, someone from the shadows wrapped their arms around you. You were in panic, but it soon stopped when he kissed your shoulder.

''It's me, love. Let me take you home yeah?'' he voice so beautiful. God did you miss his voice and touch. ''please.'' was all you could say.

He united you and carried you in his arms, the other men didn't say a word, they just trailed behind as they escorted you two out.

''Told ya.'' Soap commented, which made Price hit the back of his head.

Once you reached base, only Simon was near you, he wanted to make you feel safe, understood you could get overwhelmed.

''Missed me?'' he took his mask off. You smile, ''I'd be lying if I say I didn't miss your ugly face.'' you chuckled

''Oi, watch it.'' he too chuckled.

It was the little conversations like that, that made him try even harder for you. How you joked around him like mates would. How you let him baby you and vice versa. Simon was a lover, Ghost the fighter, you were the center of him.

He stared at you with puppy eyes. You were so..angelic in his eyes. He would fight a million and more wars to just have you. What he did to Makarov was just another love letter to you. No one in this world touches whats his, ever.

He leaned in and kissed you. He cups your face in his hands and he deepens the kiss. Maybe the kiss could prove to you he truly loved you. You kissed him back, a smile on you as his lips brushed against yours.

A brief interruption, a slight malfunction I'd go back to wanting dudes who give nothing I thought we had no chance And that's romance

Tags: @xweirdo101x

A/n: I know it's a little short, but I hope this is what you had in mind!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

[bitterkarmaa]

HI HELLO i had another lil idea for Eclipse and Rays where he reads him a story! I wrote it as an experimental warm up so it's just a fluffy quick thing gjfg

~~~

It was a slow day. At least for Eclipse. He was currently down in the theatre, mindlessly fiddling with a rubix cube as he waited for Rays to finish his rumaging through the Lost and Found in the basement area.

The others were busy as usual, Sun in the daycare with Lunar, Moon out doing whatever and Bloodmoon were currently out in the woods to expel some pent up energy. While the bloodstone had been doing its job at keeping the bloodlust at bay, the twins still got antsy if not allowed to stay active.

Peforming in the theatre was usually enough, but today they wanted to run around more in an open space. And if any unfortunate hikers happened to be around then.. well Eclipse had the towels and clean up supplies at the ready just in case.

A small soft voice caught Eclipse's attention breaking him from his idle thoughts and the no complete cube, turning to look at Rays who was standing with a little book in hand. So he was finished already?

'Pardon?'

Rays flinched and drew in on himself a little. 'I… I found something. I was wondering if you would be… able to read it for me?'

The smaller animatronic timidly held up the book for Eclipse to see better. He squinted at it for a moment, and raised an eyebrow.

'Tales of Peter Rabbit?' he asked, trying his best to keep the faint incredulous tone from his words. 'You want me to read you a book for children?'

Rays looked down at the book, an expression of uncertainty growing on his scarred face. 'It has nice pictures… I'd like to know the story behind them. I-If it's not too much trouble..'

Eclipse sighed, pocketing the cube. 'No it's fine. I can do that. You all done then?'

A small nod. 'Alright. Lets head back up.'

Eclipse was thankful that the secret doorway leading to the room had been refurbished for use. The sounds of the kids playing in the daycare was loud and Eclipse was not in the mood for the headache.

Plus Rays was seeming a bit more skittish today, if the way he jolted at a distant childs scream of playful joy was anything to go by.

Either way, they made it back to the room without issue. As they entered, Rays scuttled on over to his little corner, grabbing an extra blanket before plopping onto one of Lunar's giant beanbags.

Eclipse soon followed, and settled down next to to the yellow animatronic who offered Eclipse the extra blanket. Ah so that's why he went and grabbed it despite already having one draped around his shoulders. He accepted it anyway, placing it over his legs instead.

'Alright, hand me the book.'

Rays complied and Eclipse inspected it for a moment as Rays settled in by his side. A quick flip through the pages did confirm to Eclipse that it did in fact have some nice art.

He had been expecting brightly coloured cartoon animals like most modern day kids stuff. These ones were more realistic and earthy toned in colour. Not bad. Easier on the eyes at least. Or… eye in his case.

Anyway.

'Ready?' He asked. Rays nodded and plopped his chin onto Eclipse's arm, his mismatched eyes staring eagerly at the little blue book. Eclipse snorted softly, allowing his other arm to wrap around the smaller animatronic as he began reading.

'Then old Mrs. Rabbit took a basket and her umbrella, to the baker's. She bought a loaf of brown bread and five currant buns.

Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail, who were good little bunnies, went down the lane to gather blackberries;

But Peter, who was very naughty, ran straight away to Mr. McGregor's garden and squeezed under the gate!'

'…What a little asshole.'

THE FUCKING

‘Or eye in his case’

‘What a little asshole’

SENT ME 😭

I love this so much. They make me so happy. I want to pick them up in my hands and squish them like sponges. I want to shake them around like toys. Eclipse reading to Rays is my entire life now and I thank you for this scrumptious meal.

[sketchy-rosewitch]

The Replacement: Bo Sinclair x reader

Warnings: cheating, dying, gun, knife, kidnapping. Not really angsty but there is a happy ending :)

A/N: for the lovely @buzzybee-26

Masterlist

A deep breath in and out. Your hand reaches out and shove the key in the basement door.

You aren’t allowed down here, not since Bo took you back up. He told you if you came down here you’d be put back in the chair, tortured, then killed.

So then why were you down here? You clearly valued your life if you made it far enough to be Bo’s wife, got married and everything right in front of his mother.

Well, something called you down here, like that whisper you used to get when you were little, to sneak some candy from the jar on the counter and hopefully never get caught.

You didn’t want to think this was candy, but when you opened the door you found yourself staring at another woman.

Your heart sank, not only for you, but for her too.

She was going to be the cause of your death.

You let go of the knob and pocket the key. Your finger comes to your lips as you walk over to the woman carefully, as to not startle her.

“I didn’t think he’d bring another woman into the picture.” You say, looking down at her fearful eyes. What a greedy man.

You peel away the tape from her mouth. “Stay quiet. If Bo catches us we’re both dead.” You whisper. She nods, you leave the rest of the duct tape hanging from her cheek.

“A-re you going to hurt me-e?” The woman’s voice trembles, just as yours did when you first got here. You shake your head and a small frown comes across your lips.

“No, I’m not gonna hurt you. How long have you been down here?”

You don’t know why you ask, you lost track after the third day when you were stuck in the damn chair. Your mind begins to wander, not even paying attention to her story.

Bo has been cheating on you. If he’s been cheating on you he probably plans on killing you. If Bo plans on killing you he won’t make it simple, it’ll be a long torturous process.

You can’t go through anymore of that.

The room is quiet when you focus back into reality.

“We’re going to escape.” The woman’s eyes light up, you suck in a breath. “It’ll have to be a few days from now. I need to plan this out, but I’ll be back when Bo leaves town or when he’s asleep. I’ll make sure to bring you some food. Some new clothes too. What’s your name?”

“Jackie.”

“Okay, Jackie. You will not speak to Ho about this. If we’re surviving this, it’s gonna be our secret okay?”

“Okay.”

You take a deep breath and look up, sending a prayer for someone, anyone to answer. You look down at her, tears well in each others eyes. “We’re going to get to go home.” You smile. “Now I have to go. I’m gonna leave you how I found you.”

You take the tape again and cover her mouth, your heart beats fast, feeling bad for having to keep her here. There wasn’t a way to let her out tonight though.

-

Bo had been less affectionate towards you after that night. At least you knew why. You still kept up like you were his wife, like he wasn’t going to kill you.

But while you did that you established a plan, two weeks from now you’d escape with her. You promised each other you wouldn’t tell police anything. When you two were finally in the clear it would no longer be either one of you’s problem if someone else got caught in the Sinclair’s web.

If anyone asked questions it would be an ‘I don’t remember. I wish I could but it hurts.’ Until eventually your families would in fact stop asking.

Every other night you’d give her details, you’d go on walks in the night to see the best escape route without being caught and even if you were caught enough for you to get a good distance away. You’d bring her food so she could keep her energy up and hydration. Nothing can go wrong. If anything does you’re both dead. Often torture comes before death in Bi’s eyes.

-

Bo kisses you gently one night. To you, it’s abnormal. But you have a guess that tomorrow or even the day after would be your last day. You’d have to go tonight. You focus on Bo’s breathing, it slows down after about an hour and you wait a few minutes after that to get up, not wanting to stir him awake.

You take your bedside table knife and pocket it, then grab the change of clothes and shoes you found in the sugar mill for Jackie.

You make your way downstairs and out the front door, it clicks softly and you take a deep breath and sprint towards the gas station. You had the key already in your sweatpants. Your hands shake but you manage to get the basement door open. Jackie almost sobs, you put a finger to your lips and she nods.

You take out the knife and cut the duct tape on her legs and hands, then undo the leather straps on the chair. She climbs down and you hand her, her clothes and look around for any weapons for her.

“So this is where ya been goin?”

Your heart stops, you turn around and see Bo at the door way.

“Thinkin’ about leavin’ me?” Bo steps into the room, he looks at you and the blonde girl. She looks on the brink of tears. You swallow dryly.

“Not thinking Bo. We are leaving you.” You say.

“No you ain’t.”

You quickly grab a wrench and throw it at Bo, he dodges and comes barreling towards you. Even when you move, he doesn’t miss you, knocking you to the floor. You attempt to take your knife out but he takes it from your pants and throws it.

“Jackie help me with her! Now!” Bo shouts, you wiggle and let out a cry as he grips your wrists with one hand and pushes your face down with the other. Hitting it onto the floor a few times, your head spins. You continue to fight.

Then a gun clicks. And everything stops.

“You can’t keep us here Bo.” She shoots Bo in the foot, he howls in pain and you push him off of you, grabbing your knife, you two bolt towards the door and up the stairs.

When you make it onto the main road you point behind one of the houses and she nods. The backyard of the house goes down a hill, which means there’s a creek nearby. Once you reach the creek you two stop for a moment to catch your breath. “Thank you.”

“I would’ve shot him in the head but I didn’t know if the bullet would go through his body and hit you. Only part that wasn’t on you were his feet.” Jackie explains, you smile and hug her.

“Thank you.” You repeat. She hugs back tightly.

“We’re gonna travel along the creek for a bit, then we can cross it and head straight. We’ll hit road after that and we can find a gas station and hopefully call someone. Should be far enough away that none of them can get us.”

Jackie nods and puts her gun in the back of her jeans as you two start walking at an average pace.

It takes two days for you two to reach civilization, not wanting to hitchhike or needing breaks to rest you two found a town.

Someone had recognized Jackie on a missing persons poster. Police were called and so were family members. You two were questioned for hours on what happened, the answers stayed the same.

“I don’t know, but we found each other. We just wanna go home.” They let you two go not long after.

You two keep in touch and visit each other a few times a year. But you never mention what happened in Ambrose.

[angelbymadonna]

His eyes were Daygobah Green

AKA this is THE Confession the test of y'all can fuck off. jk but the dialogue is thematically significant OKAY

It had been a long time coming, Mike supposed. It'd been too long of knowing but not really saying anything. A kind of silent understanding.

Mike was always the type to try and put his heart out there. To be seen, heard. Trampled on.

In the end, it wouldn't matter. Or at least Mike used to think that way. Now.. he was definitely reconsidering. Mike still didn't have a clear picture of a life he wanted for himself, but two things were clear. It wouldn't end abruptly, in water, on rock. And Will Byers wouldn't let him spend it the way his father did. He wanted to live something of a spontaneous, impulsive life. Not because he was running away from something, or because of indescision, but because he wanted to make his life worth living. He wanted to be able to tell the days apart from the each other and fell sunlight instead of office lights on his face and to be in love with Will forever. That last thing was the closest one to check off at the moment,

So he might as well say it to one of the few people who would really hear.

So when everyone had just gotten back from their duties, setting up for the big day tomorrow when Vecna would be defeated, and they all got into their little factions and they talked together, Mike sought out Will.

Will was untying his shoes or something stupid. He was probably waiting for Mike, actually. Waiting for the attention. Of course he looked as gorgeous as ever. Will could be a movie star if he wanted. He was like a work of art himself, and Mike had trained his eyes over the years without realizing, to see the details of Will's hands untying his laces and his eyes concentrating, in the way Will studied subjects to paint. Mike could describe Will with his eyes closed a hundred times over and never run out of things to say, but he'd never want to look away that long.

Mike tapped Will on the shoulder to get his attention. Of course Will looked him right on the eyes. Will's green eyes. They kind of reminded Mike of a swamp with their captivating color. That probably wasn't a very pleasant comparison, but like a swamp, Mike could easily get stuck in Will's eyes. Wait that wasn't very good either.. Like any good swamp, Will's eyes had alot of depth, and Mine was always noticing new details. The closer you saw them (very close, in Mike's experience) the more you noticed the nuance of hue, the gold and the brown in their green.

"Yes?"

Fuck. Hearing his voice was an instant tug to the present. Like a vine taking him out of the swamp- DAMNIT.

Mike's feelings were NOT a swamp. He was NOT stuck!

It was his throat that was the problem. like he'd kept a lid on his words for so long he couldn't unstick it if he wanted.

But he wasn't going to keep that box with the lid in the basement, and the growing hope for himself pushed them up anyways.

It was far from proper. Sitting on the dirty floor half-whispering. But Mike hardly cared for being proper anymore. And he didn't care at all for not speaking his mind.

"I love you."

-------

It was a long time coming, really. They'd spent too long dancing around the subject, and more recently, too long saying it without saying.

Mere months ago, Will couldn't imagine being loved by anyone who saw him for what he was. He definitely couldn't imagine having someone be in love with him.

That wasn't true. He could imagine to the moon and back that Mike was in love with him, that he'd understood what Will really meant all those times, that he'd answered with secret meanings of his own. But he'd never allow himself to believe it was true. Never in a million years.

Except he definitely believed it now. Had for some time, actually. It was hard to pin it down though, after all the stories he told himself that weren't quite so kind.

It was kind of wonderful, actually. Sneaking glances to find Mike looking back already. Hearing Mike talk about him. Seeing the framed painting in Mike's room. Everything ordinary Mike did was already golden to Will, but there was an extra layer now of hearing the words Mike wasn't saying along with the ones he was.

Will never used to think hopefully about anything. But maybe if he could have this, he could have hope for other good things too. He was ready to try at any of it.

One of those things that still seemed a little bit impossible was a real relationship with Mike. Besides the fact Will technically didn't know Mike loved him back since they hadn't technically brought it up, how could they have a relationship? Would it really feel as good as Will's imaginings, or only scary?

Either way, he was waiting on Mike it had to be clear by now how Will felt, the lie he used to cover it was weaker by the second.

That didn't stop his surprise actualy hearing it though.

Will and the others had just gotten back from seeing up traps that Vecna would set off the next day, when they'd ask show up to fight him for the final time. Mike had made a point to find Will. He really loved it when Mike did things like that.

"Yes?" Will asked.

"I love you."

It was like a tarp that was holding all his love and hope inside had dropped, freeing the recognition to fill his mind because MIKE LOVED HIM. Or something. Mike was always the Metaphor Guy.

Really, it was like one tiny thing out of a million was finally clicking into the right place for Will Byers. A grin, almost prideful, took its place on Will's face before he could really think it through.

"I know." he whispered back, leaning in only slightly.

A smile of relief washed over Mike's face. It suited him, not to look like he was worrying about some thing or another. "Is that- fucking-Star Wars?" Mike couldn't hold back bits of laughter between his words.

Soon enough, Will was joining him laughing. "Yeah," and they both sat there, red faces, on the floor before anyone cared to notice.

Will did know. He would never, ever doubt again that he was loved by Mike Wheeler.

------

[shwoo]

I thought since I like Bugsnax so much, I should probably play the developer's previous game, Octodad as well. And I did, like last August according to Steam. But now I've finally mustered up the energy to make a rambly post about what I thought! Sort of mustered up the energy. Just in time for Dadliest Catch's tenth anniversary in a couple of days (On the 30th of January).

Wait, it's been two days since I started this post. Um, just in time for Dadliest Catch's tenth anniversary.

I played the original 2010 game first, and I knew it was a student project, so I was surprised it had voice acting. Looks like the school also gave them a voice acting budget? That's cool. I was also surprised that a game from 2010 still worked fine, although it did crash the first time I tried to go into the kitchen. So I just did some kitchen chores in real life instead. Showed that… video… game.

The game will save if you save and quit, but not if it crashes, so I started quitting after every task, and then ended up having to do the basement and post-basement sequence like three or four times. At least once it was because Octodad got stuck on some geography. Luckily there is a checkpoint if you die there. I know this because I died repeatedly.

The original game was pretty fun, except for the bit where you have to stomp on all the spiders before they reach your daughter's bed and if you let too many through, the chef guy kills you. Which is just the usual game over, but it is funny that he apparently kills you for failing to protect your daughter properly. Anyway, the controls aren't really precise enough to aim your feet properly.

I did like the gameplay in the basement, though, even though it was a big jump in how precise you have to be. But it is a bit weird plot-wise, even with a game that's obviously not supposed to be that consistent. It seems like everything is wrapped up, and then you go through a random hallway of lasers, and chef guy is there and kills you if you walk into the lasers too many times? And then you get through it and the game just ends.

Another thing that surprised me in both games was how often they acknowledge that Octodad is an octopus. I was already familiar with the meme of people responding to Octodad pictures by asking why someone posted a picture of a perfectly normal dad, to the point of never even saying the word octopus, but in the they say it all the time in the game. He is an octopus in a suit, and he knows this. So does chef guy. A giant Pacific octopus, probably, but I found that subtitle in the game files and I'm not sure if it's in the game, because it would only be said if you get caught by the biologists, and doesn't make a lot of sense in context anyway. I should probably check at some point.

Anyway, I liked Dadliest Catch a lot. I've played through it three times now! I like the characters. Like the Bugsnax characters, they seem to have their own point of view and motivations, while still living in an absurd setting.

And I'll usually reference whatever I'm currently obsessing over when playing something else, but I really overdid it with this game, since they were made by most of the same people. Is the reason I like Scarlet specifically because, being a passionate journalist who believes in aliens and hates being lied to, she reminds me of one my seven favourite characters from Bugsnax? Maybe! Probably.

She's better at identifying parasites, though. But the Bugsnax journalist is better at identifying cephalods. Which was another time I was surprised to hear Octodad being referred to as an octopus, since I hadn't played the games when I saw the crossover April Fools trailer. They just came out and said it.

(Pulls down conspiracy chart) Now let me explain the minutae of why Filbuddy = ...Do Scarlet and Octodad have a ship name? If so, I hope it's Octoscar. Filbuddy with a bit of Snorplo with the "one of them is keeping huge secrets from the other because he's afraid of rejection but the other one is more upset about the secret-keeping than what the secret turns out to be" thing.

Gameplay wise, Octodad:Dadliest Catch is kind of... a little too short to really take advantage of its mechanics? But I hear when it came out, they apparently threw you into difficult stealth sections when most of the challenge beforehand was just getting him to go where you need him to. They left in some of the late game stealth sequences when they updated it, as an optional thing, and I did them on my second playthrough. It was pretty fun, now that I was more used to the controls. Trying to navigate the environments for all the ties was fun as well. He's pretty mobile for someone who shouldn't be able to walk on land at all.

I also liked the optional 2D platforming level you can find by flushing yourself down the toilet. I'd play a whole game like that, if the mechanics were introduced a bit more slowly. The last bit took a while to get through, though.

One of the biggest problems I had with the game was not being able to move the camera. It made it a bit hard to see things in detail, and I had more trouble than I should've with the ship level because I didn't realise a beam extended all the way to the middle of the ship, and I could walk on it. I thought I was meant to sneak past all the sailors.

I died there so many times.

Also, there are some jokes and stuff that you can't really see because they're too far from the camera. Like, early on Scarlet says that she send a picture to a tabloid or something that she says made the front page, and she suggests picking it up because she can't be seen reading it. And you can find it in the supermarket, but I couldn't get it close enough to the camera to see what the front page image was without going into the files.

Luckily, a lot of the files are just sitting there easily accessible, like with Bugsnax, so it was pretty easy to find. It's a picture of Octodad sitting and drinking coffee, with the headline "Alien Life Sighted?" There's a few lore kind of things that I don't think you can see in the game either, and it actually answered a few questions I had, about the aquarium especially. Also, I learned Sports Johnson's real name (Maxwell "Sports" Johnson), and what year the game takes place in (1971).

I have a lot of thoughts about the lore, and I think there's more going on, particularly with the aquarium, Octodad having human kids, and the Cod Wars setting in the flashback, but this isn't really the post for it. It's long enough already. Anyway, pretty fun game!

Also, you can see Octodad as a metaphor for disability in general, but he has a weird sleep schedule, basically can't function without coffee, is "usually so talkative", and is so scared of rejection that he never told his wife what species he was. Octodad: ADHD icon?

[find-your-flame]

pondering a future au

i like to think about a timeline where they all get better and turn out okay (it might not be the most logical thing but it's a comfort for me) but ive been doing my best to keep it in character lmao

tails gets his doctorate ofc. he could very well have one already but i think he's too busy adventuring rn to be satisfied w/ a classroom environment lol, i keep picturing him becoming a college professor but he's probably more likely to become some sort of stunt pilot. still invents on the side, many many patents. the most mad scientist to ever mad scientist. a little feral. it's kind of scary

knuckles is eternally farming tubers in my brain. i don't think anything changes about knuckles except he gets more patient with shenanigans. he's still doing what he's always done he's just enriched by his experience outside of it. i think it would be fun if he went into archaeology full-time tho

sonic is. probably mostly the same outwardly, a lot of inward changes tho. the only thing i can really think of rn is that he gets a dedicated house out in the wilderness somewhere, big garden, a lot of birdhouses. i don't think he stops being nomadic/dont think he lives there full time, but i think he'd eventually want the extra stability, just to hold onto. he and tails are still roommates and said house probably has like 8 billion security systems and a secret lab somewhere in the basement bc of it. far more patient than when he was younger; he's the one keeping tails from doing impulsive shit now

i think shadow should become a theater guy. i don't know if he would, i just think he should. he would deserve it

[nadia-zahra]

Deepest Dive on Mike and his Gay Feelings

For my complete timeline of Mike and his gay feelings read my deep and deeper dives. S4 was imo the hardest season to dissect Mike's feelings. We're only given a little bit of him and what were given feels so closed off. It’s like the duffers wrote him into this one dimensional, love-stricken character...but lemme explain how that ain’t so.

*******

S3 leaves us with Mike feeling a lot: he’s accepted he’s not normal *no more internalized homophobia!!!*, he knows he doesn’t love El romantically, and he knows he’s in love with Will. With Will in particular, he’s really feeling some mixed emotions. On one hand, Mike’s super fucking hopeful ab their friendship and a possibility of Will liking him back romantically because Will said he’d never join another party (meaning he’s not going to leave Mike behind). But on the other, he’s depressed and scared af ab being long distance and it changing things. In terms of El, he really dislikes how she thinks he's in love with him and tries desperately to disprove it hence the From, Mike. But since they've been writing to each other for a year it's safe to say Mike really feels like they are really good buddies.

*PSA: this is an excerpt from Lucas on the Line. If you want to read the book, read it to learn more about Lucas: his struggles against racism, his feelings ab having unsupportive friends, and lumax from his pov. I'm using this excerpt because it is ab Mike from a neutral pov, not to belittle Lucas or his experiences.*

"Mike went straight back to moping, but it's even worse than before. He won't come out of the house; he won't go anywhere. He's in his basement all day, playing Super Mario Bros. on his new Nintendo Entertainment System. When he's not there, he's writing letters to El, now that he has her California address. Mrs. Wheeler can't even get him to leave his room these days."

He spent the first few months of a Willless life depressed and did his best to keep their friendship strong. We find out through Dustin that he tried to call, but he couldn’t get through because of Joyce’s job. From his pov, Will is being the shitty friend!! Not him!! As more and more time passed without receiving any calls or letters from him the less hope Mike had on Will like liking him back.

Just like 3x1, 4x1's first scene with mileven shows us it's bullshit. El starts lying the moment she starts talking ab herself, and unknowingly lies ab who Will's painting is for. But Mike doesn’t know this, and reading ab how Will is making some secretive painting for a random girl makes Mike jealous. Ffs he still has the binder of pictures, it’s seen poking out under his bed!! He considers art from Will as an honor because only ppl Will loves receives it. He doesn’t have time to sit and ponder ab this willel update tho cause he’s gonna be late for school and still in his underwear lol

Knowing from s3 that Mike accepted he’s def not normal explains his complete 180 personality change in s4. It explains why he’s so comfortable and proud of being a part of hellfire, why he’s able to go up to all different kinds of ppl and ask to play d&d with the party, and why he even tells Lucas "has it ever occurred that we don't want to be popular" (read between the lines ppl he's saying he doesn't want to be normal). And the "I hate highschool" line and his really bummed out look are because he knows if Will was there they wouldn't have to find an alternate.

*******

The airport scene is possibly my fav Mike scene from s4 *psst it’s actually mike's monologue 😏* because first watch you see it only from Will's eyes, but when you rewatch it with context Mike's behavior is crystal clear. He doesn’t want El or Will to know he’s been depressed, so he fakes a personality that’s a shitty knockoff of himself (love that Argyle even pointed out him wearing off brand clothes). Now with El, he immediately shows platonic body language—makes sure they don’t hug for too long and writes From, Mike on the flowers. But with Will *chuckles menacingly* he’s passive aggressive as hell.

The side hug was super intentional: he thinks they’re not as close anymore with all the silent treatment he's been receiving, and usually with ppl you’re not close with you do a side hug. He’s not uncomfortable giving men hugs —he gave Dustin a full hug at Hellfire and Lucas a full hug at the hospital— the side hug was to show Will he isn’t going to give him affection if they’re not close friends.

He noticed Will brought the painting (like right off the bat points it out) and asks him what it is. Not because he doesn’t know it’s a painting, but because he wants Will to reassure his jealous little mind that the painting isn’t actually for a girl. When Will brushes it off as nothing a flip switches, and now Mike’s in jealous bitch mode. He gives Will the blankest stare of “I cannot believe you just lied to my face” with the monotone cool.

Walking through the airport, Mike is trying VERY hard to play cool. He doesn’t want Will or El to notice he’s annoyed. He’s trying to move past Will brushing him off, so he makes small talk with El ab their itinerary for the day. Them talking ab the breakfast burritos was just a lil proof of how they don't have similar interests lol. When Will repeats Angela’s name after El brought her up, Mikes glances back at him and now begins the unsaid thought of “Will has a crush on Angela”. This further solidifies for Mike that his feelings are unrequited and that they’re just friends.

*******

Ahhhh I could fan girl over how brilliant the entirety of the rink-o-mania is for days, but for this post I’ll just give the simplest explanation I can for the most complex byler scene of s4.

The fight scene specifically can only be fully understood with this knowledge: Will’s pov is HIS pov (a sad gay boy third wheeling) and Mike’s anger has been brewing for a year. Will doesn’t know Mike is jealous ab the painting being for a girl, doesn’t know Mike’s been miserable without him everyday or that he did try to call, doesn’t know Mike is SUPER upset Will never called, and certainly doesn’t know Mike loves him romantically and totally noticed all the sulking. So why would we have seen it if rink-o-mania is from his pov?? Well, I discuss here how the one outside pov we got shows Mike's side. With all that being said, Mike's staring and attempts at talking to him are completely ignored. Mike feels shunned the whole day by a super mopey Will and is DONE with purposefully being ignored after a year of no contact. El lying to him then her getting humiliated by Angela was just a nail in the coffin to Mike’s miserable day. Yes Mike is hurt ab getting lied to, but he’s way more hurt by Will’s behavior and uses El’s situation as an opening to confront him.

The fight between these two is top tier miscommunication. It's so immaculate because of it being from Will’s pov you don’t even recognize Mike’s angsty feelings. Mike starting with “it’s been a year and you didn’t tell me” subtly telling Will he's pissed he didn't reach out more, immediately goes at Will for ruining his day by “rolling his eyes and moping” because Mike was excited to finally talk/hangout after a year, and realizes Will felt like a third wheel the whole day and he can't blame Will for El's lie but doesn't admit he’s in the wrong cause he's still pissed at him for never calling/writing. Just chef's kiss. Not to mention his face when Will says “what about us?” is priceless.

His face and the Will-voice “What?” is Mike being taken aback because he thought by this point he was the only one who cared to put effort into their relationship. However, when Will tells him he’s pissed ab how Mike never called or sent letters, Mike’s feelings of “omg Will cares 🥰” gets thrown out the window and turns into “is this mf really trying to blame ME rn 🤬”

So Mike’s response of “we’re friends. We’re friends.” is him making a fucking point. From his pov, Will doesn’t want more than just friends, so why should he have to treat Will like El if Will doesn’t even want more? It’s also him reminding himself that his feelings are unrequited, hence stating it twice. The “well we used to be best friends” makes Mike’s heart hurt a little cause he knows it’s true and tried to keep it that way. That’s why he tells Will he should’ve tried harder to call him and is confused to why he’s being made the bad guy; relationships (of all kinds) are a two-way street and Mike feels like theirs is all one-sided.

*******

The next morning Mike has def cooled off from the two arguments he's in. He wants to talk with El ab the bullying/lying (doesn't even want to get into a fight, just wants to talk) and wants to apologize to Will for fighting. Writing it out really shows how consistent his "apologize to no one but Will" behavior is lmao

Anyways, he goes into El's room and bellyflops into a fight because she's over his bs. But this fight is actually different than their past fights. It's truly different cause El calls Mike tf out for not saying I Love You!!!! Sure she calls him out for acting like she's a monster (he even explains the mean behavior), but Mike really feels called out for never saying ily. Guys, he knows he doesn't say it-- he does it on purpose. But he didn't know she was keeping track until IT LITERALLY GETS THROWN IN HIS FACE (Max woulda been proud). Mike can't really explain why he never says it because he knows he fucked up big time leading her on romantically.

And then El gets arrested and sent off to the Nina Project, so they didn't really have time to figure out where that fight leaves mileven. Except they don't need another talk because El explains beautifully how she's feeling about Mike as a bf in her letter

MIKE THINKS THEY ARE DONEZOOOO

He read that knowing damn well El was done being in a one-sided relationship and decided to be passive-aggressive ab it (again, Max woulda been proud). Mike throws the letter away because he's putting mileven in the motherfucking past!! He is done pretending to be in love with El and now wants to move forward platonically!!! He's scared shitless of losing her in his life, but only wants her in it as a friend!

But then how do you explain this conversation with Will? Well, from EVERYTHING we've seen of Mike from s3+s4, it's safe to say he isn't talking about telling her I Love You. In fact, it's most likely him wishing he could've explained his platonic/fraternal love for her and not wanting to blatantly lie to her face. Also wanna note he doesn't tell Will ab his inability to say ily because he doesn't want Will to know (obviously). Maybe because he knows how shitty admitting you can't say ily to your gf of two years sounds. Maybe because he doesn't want Will to believe he's in love with El when in reality he isn't. Maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe it's Maybelline *sorry bad joke*

And now, not only is he leaving mileven in his past...he's wanting byler for his future...

********

From this first heart-to-heart up until the van scene, we watch Mike pick up on Will's flirty/romantic behavior. Is he flirting back? Absolutely! Does he know why Will's being sus? Absolutely not!

Fav flirty scene is ofc "I didn't say it" "You didn't have to" because 1) very mega ultra flirty 2) Mike actually says out loud how he's been feeling the past year in regards to Will 3) it reestablishes them as a separate team and as best friends not just friends.

Honorable mentions include:

The triple take = Mike wanting to silently stare at Will but thinking he got caught by Will (and Will continuing to stare at him)

The cartop scene = Mike and Will both talking about how hard it is to admit you're gay and in love with the other without knowing it

The telephone scene = excuse for them to hold hands

and ofc all the staring, glancing down at each other's lips, and being so close they're a centimeter from touching each other's sides in literally every scene.

(I personally don't see anything noteworthy or abnormal ab Mike's behavior in Suzie's house like he was literally going through a stranger's house and was in a random girl's room)

******** THE VAN SCENE *Mike's breath catches*

(Edit: idk how I completely skipped over his superman/lois lane metaphor considering it's all ab his insecurities, but here's a link to a separate analysis on it) I'm referencing both what's on screen and the script for optimal analyzing btw. The only major hint from the script on what's in Mike's mind is the line, "She's already beginning to understand she doesn't need me. I saw it -- I saw it in her eyes, that last time we talked".

Mike's been knowing, wayyyy before st4, that El doesn't need him in the way he wants to be needed. He just wants to be someone's protector and to be with someone who will make major decisions ab their lives together. Being needed is how he knows he's loved-- El hasn't needed him like this since s1, and he knows that and is super insecure about it. But now he can see her realizing this for herself, and that's scary af for him because losing El means having no one make him feel completely loved *cough except Will cough*. But the moment he saw it in her eyes is the cop car scene: he says "I'm going to fix this" and she looks him dead in the eye with a stony face reading "No you're not" and looks away.

The two scenes we get of Jonathan's neutral pov show us Mike's feelings too. The first time we get his pov is when Will says the painting is from El. Mike looks between Will and the painting with confusion and slight disappointment. Do not try and convince me it's hetero in any way for a guy to, after hearing he got a beautiful painting from his gf and not his male bff, go from a super toothy grin to a disappointed/confused frown. The other time is when Jonathan realizes Will's talking ab his own feelings, however, Mike doesn't.

In an interview, the duffers said Mike kinda understands it's a masked love confession. This is the literal answer to the whole “does he know or does he not know” debate!!! Matt Duffer says he "may not fully pick up on it"--where's the proof? When is Mike doing the little bit of the picking uping?

But after rewatching, I noticed what got him to kinda realize Will's in love with him. Heavy emphasis on kinda. Like the lightbulb above his head is flickering ever so slightly. What tips Mike off to these possibly being Will's feelings is actually the fact that he doesn't say El thinks Mike's the heart-- it's genuinely just him telling Mike at face value he thinks he's the heart of the party! He brings El into the reassuring speech AFTER he says Mike’s the heart!! And Mike's reaction to being told Will thinks he's the heart of the party tells us the lightbulb is flickering; he didn't take his eyes off Will at all while he said this, and Mike's face shows he’s a little dumbstruck by Will feeling this way.

The dumbstruck face is one filled with love and disbelief, like if all that's in his head is "I can't believe Will thinks I'm the heart" and "Does Will love me back?".

But the reason he doesn't fully get it is Mike completely and utterly trusts Will to tell the truth. When he initially starts talking on behalf of El Mike looks at the painting with a confused face because he thought Will was talking about his own feelings and was using the painting as inspo, but because Mike trusts him he believes Will's words are El's. This scene is quite literally his second lie to Mike within the entire series. Mike doesn't know Will needs/loves him and doesn't know he makes Will feel loved/accepted for being gay.

There's debate on whether or not Mike notices Will crying, and I'm going to go with a no/yes. Yes, he noticed Will wasn't happy, but no he doesn't realize he was on the verge of tears and cries. Mike looks back at Will to try and catch his eye again, not because of the crying. He looks up at Will before he makes the muffled cry noises (which would've tipped Mike off) yet doesn't look up at him after, so I don't think he even noticed that either. If he was looking back at Will to see if he was ok, then Mike would've looked more concerned at the end of the speech. Instead, Mike looks happy and reassured by Will telling him exactly what he needed to hear-- that El (as far as he knows is the only person who's ever loved him) still needs him and always will.

******* MIKE'S MONOLOGUE *this would be a good time to stretch, go eat or drink some water, or stop reading if it's really late*

The only reason Mike does his monologue is because of Will. Before Will reminds him that he's the heart, Mike was trying to wake her up and get her tf out of there. He literally had to brace himself before saying this speech-- before saying I Love You. He tried so fucking hard to avoid saying it for over a YEAR because he knows he's not in love with her.

And now the moment y'all have been waiting for, the moment I say his whole speech was a lie...but plot twist he didn't lie ONCE. He wasn't lying when he confesses he's scared of El not needing him or losing her, that he views El as his superhero and believes in her abilities, and he wasn't lying all the times he said he loves her.

I know... It's shocking. take a seat, take deep breaths, sip some water before you faint while I explain *i am anti-mileven dw*.

Mike loves her PLATONICALLY. I've said and proved this a million times and by now we already know. But you know who doesn't? Literally every single person in the show besides himself. He hasn't wanted to give off the impression he's in love with her since 3x6 (exact moment being him yelling ily in front of the party). He's never ever wanted to lead El on with the idea that he loves her romantically. Saying "I love you", despite it always having a platonic meaning for Mike, doesn't mean it's platonic for everyone else. And Mike knows this-- it's why he has to brace himself. He's bracing himself to the fact that he's about to confess to El he loves her platonically knowing damn well it's going to be misconstrued by everyone. Hell even us, the delusional bylers, misconstrued it. It's why he goes from not saying it at all to bracing himself for the first time ily in front of her ever to yelling it 8 more times.

Understanding his ilys are platonic makes " ...you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more" crystal mf clear. The whole speech is cringey and sounds fake, but this line just straight up doesn't make sense if you believe he was ever in love with El or lying to her. But now we know that Mike thought if he told El he doesn't love her romantically that she would completely take him out of his life because she already knows she doesn’t need him.

THIS ENTIRE SEASON HAS BEEN MIKE STRESSING AB TELLING EL HE LOVES HER PLATONICALLY AND THE CLOSER TO EL THEY GOT THE MORE ANXIOUS/NERVOUS HE BECAME AND THIS MASKED CONFESSION IS THE PINNACLE OF HIS ST4 ARC!!!!!!

And now I can unveil his behavior that backs this statement up because I wanted this to be a reveal within the love-speech lol:

He says "Maybe I should've said something...maybe she'd want me there with her, wherever she is" in the first heart-to-heart. This is wishful thinking; Mike has never been shown as a doubtful character. If anything, he's always been super stubborn on his thoughts and opinions. The word "maybe" being repeated over and over shows he doesn't really believe if he told El ily that she would've confided in him ab the Nina Project. It's simply wishful thinking.

Getting told by Will in the first heart-to-heart that he's going to have a chance to say ily isn't reassuring, it's just feeding into his fear of "if I tell El I'm not in love with her I'm going to lose her". It's why his face looks sullen right before it becomes a byler moment.

The word maybe is once again used when talking about how if he told El his feelings she would've confided in him on the cartop. It's the mf wishful thinking word!!!!! And "him not knowing what to say" is more like "he knows what to say just not in a positive way". People only say "I don't know what to say" when they do have something to say it's just going to hurt someone's feelings. Mike thinks saying he doesn't love her romantically is going to hurt her so bad that she'll want him out of her life.

car top "what if they don't like the truth" finally makes sense in terms of mileven!! What if El doesn't like that Mike loves her like a sister/friend? What if she stops being his friend altogether? It still applies with byler and his feelings for Will, but I really think this is what the duffers were focusing on with Mike's pov.

When Will talks about El helping them steal money in Vegas *that's so funny btw* it just reminds Mike that he's literally only 90 miles away from her and he's going to have to confess his real emotions soon. In the van he talks ab how he doesn't believe El needs him; this backs up the mf wishful thinking all throughout the season!

His emotions are so high and happy when finding Eleven unharmed that for a split second he forgets he has to tell her he doesn't love her--looks over to Will who is the love of his life and suddenly his smile drops. Yeah that was just him remembering why he was so anxious the whole season :(

Mike was going to say he's sorry he never says ily, but it's because he's not in love with her; And then Argyle had to come in 😑 But you might be thinking "if you're claiming he was so anxious this whole season, why is he so calm now?" It's because she just reassured him of his "losing El" insecurity by saying she missed him after they were acting friendly. This boy thought the ENTIRE season "when she finds out I'm gay she's not going to need me in her life anymore" but hearing that she missed him gives him hope that that's not going to happen. And you can see on his face how happy and relieved he is to know she still wants him in her life despite the fight he thought they couldn’t get back from.

The face he makes at Will while being told essentially "say what you wanted to say now" is pure fear. Yeah he felt calm before when it was just him and El, but now it would be him admitting he doesn't love his gf of two years romantically with three other guys in the room. Guys who may possibly not be as accepting or nice as El. Not to mention she’s literally dying, so what if his confession ab platonic love kills her?So he confesses, just not in the most obvious way.

And his life starting the day he met El in the woods? His life started the day in the woods because without El his life would be completely different: 1) Mike would've given up hope on finding Will without El's help. Possibly wouldn't have even found him without her help. Possibly would've killed himself at the quarry because of losing Will since he already tried doing that when El left 2) Wouldn't have discovered he's gay and in love with Will 3) Wouldn't have had the chance to be a leader/hero/guide for someone, which is how he likes to feel loved.

And are y'all really going to take his "love at first sight" bs at face value??? AFTER EVERYTHING I EXPLAINED IN THREE LONG MF POSTS?!? ofc he didn't fall in love with El at first sight-- the trailer tells us his actual thoughts were "that's not Will", he tells Will in the van that finding her was "dumb luck", and the duffer brothers don't even like the trope. Why would they use it if they don't like it?? IT'S BECAUSE ITS MF PLATONIC LOVE-- having Mike go from initially only becoming friends and loving El because she was Will's savior to him actually caring about her as a person and loving who she is despite ppl (and herself) viewing her as a monster. Are you fucking kidding me?!!? That's a beautiful twist!!!! He says it was the day they met because she gave him more hope in finding Will that night (the scene they show us isn't the only scene from that night with her wearing the yellow benny burgers shirt)!!!!!

And whenever he says "the truth is, El, idk how to live without out you" he still isn't lying. Do y'all seriously believe that he still feels the exact same way ab her as he did back in s2. Back when he was 12 and so goddamn deep in the closet he couldn't even tell that his feelings for her are platonic. Back when he only met her for a, granted an impactful and emotional but nonetheless, week. SEVEN DAYS. He's become as close to her as he is Dustin or Lucas over the past FEW YEARS. He considers her apart of the og party. Referring back to the book excerpt, he wasn't just depressed from a Will-less life-- he was also depressed from an El-less life. He wasn't living properly without either of them, and him saying he couldn't live without El doesn't devalue what he told Will back in the 2nd heart-to-heart or vice versa.

And what about "I'm sorry I don't say it more--it's not because I'm scared of you...I've never felt that way"? I am not about to list every mileven scene, but I will bring back the Rink-O-Mania. Yeah, like how I glided right over Mike's reaction earlier? Well, this scene would've been the perfect moment to show he is scared of her-- it's her, powerless, harming someone who hasn't physically hurt her. But his reaction that night wasn't fear, it was clearly anger! Cue the bewildered questioning, not sitting next to her in the aftermath, the tense car ride back, the Ted Wheeler dinner parallel. And if you still don't believe me, then why does he literally say after being told by she thinks he's scared of her "No, that's— that's not true. I was surprised. Maybe I was a little upset in the moment...Sorry, I just didn't know what to do...It happened so fast. But it doesn't change anything. It doesn't matter". It doesn't matter that she hit some girl over the head because he knows her and knows she's not some monster who attacks people unjustly. Again, not going over every mileven interaction, but every person who has used previous scenes to say he’s lying go rewatch those scenes and ask yourself “is he scared or is he angry”

So now let's get into why everyone from the byler audience is convinced he's lying. How are we supposed to know it's real with Will always above Mike's shoulder and El's reaction during the scene + mileven interactions afterwards. I now present to you this fact: The speech isn't from Mike's pov it's a combo of Will's and El's. Even tho we have yet to receive Mike's Monologue script *I'm livid at everyone who voted Angela over Mike* we should already know not to expect any hints into his mind based off of what the van script gave. Not to mention we never saw his pov when with Will/El before this, so why would the speech be any different. It comes off as cheesy and over the top in the pizza shop because Will's pov shows Mike professing his romantic love and how he's always been in love with her and how his life started the day Will disappeared.... meanwhile, El's pov pulls back from the lovey-dovey words and instead focuses on her struggling. Every time she doesn't believe what Mike is saying (never being scared of him, the first i love you) lightning strikes and the more she hears the more she strangles. Yeah even the visual aids were from El’s pov considering it’s happening in her head. Max saves her, not Mike. She doesn't believe him at all and thinks he's lying to her face the entire time. This explains why after this scene they haven't really talked to each other over the time jump and it explains the major stink eye she gives him.

Also because Mike is oblivious *always has been always will be* he doesn't know El is angry with him about the monologue, and believes it's what kept her from dying.

*******

Honestly thank god the hospital scene doesn't show anything important with Mike after dissecting that monologue lmaoo

The final byler heart-to-heart really isn't all that important either, but it def shows Mike is already starting to gravitate toward Will more than El. This will probably bleed into st5 but we’re not going there lol. He reassures Will about Vecna coming back with "We will. We will." This may or may not parallel the "We're friends. we're friends" line except "we will" grows byler closer while "we're friends" tore byler apart...

And the final scene showcases Mike glued to Will's side next to the canon couples while El's alone foreshadowing what’s to come :)

*******

This concludes my dives into Mike's gay feelings. Hopefully my timeline + insight into everything Mike related is proven correct in st5 and I don't end up looking like this

[myassbrokethefall]

xf rewatch: squeeze and conduit

(As if this wasn't already apparent, I'll warn you that any off-the-cuff posts I manage to spew out as I rewatch are going to be rambly, unorganized and rudderless. I am tagging all of these "xf rewatch rambling." And I will be kind to us all and put in a cut.)

Eps 3 and 4, and we're still building some real foundational XF DNA here. Squeeze of course is our first MOTW and it's all nicely laid out for us: Colton and the jackass squad are all like, hurrrr it's ol spooky mulder he thinks a flying saucer did the murders, and even Scully is like, so whaddya think, these are the stretchy fingerprints of ALIENS? And it gives him a great opportunity to say, please Scully, I have range, we don't ONLY do UFO episodes cases on this show in this basement, sometimes we might have a "week" where we are investigating a "monster"! That will keep us busy!

It's also really interesting to see Mulder interact with the rest of the federal law enforcement universe for the first time, and how he plays into it in a smartass way, but how it really is relentless (with Colton in particular like physically blocking him from the crime scene even before he calls off the stakeout). Mulder doesn't get really mad about it until it gets to the point where he knows they've let a killer go and no one will listen to him about that. He's just such a fundamentally Good man, and it's a lovely thing to once again see through Scully's eyes how he is not the unreasonable one here, that despite his willingness to connect the dots to make a picture that is Beyond the Realm of Science, he IS, in fact, connecting dots, he's not just making shit up, and none of these dudes making fun of him are actually listening to him. I am loving watching how they draw his character in these early days.

Then with Conduit we're back into UFO stuff and it's our first Gordon/Gansa ep. This is the first episode I don't know like the back of my hand, although I remember it pretty well (and I don't know Squeeze AS well as Pilot and DT). It is quite solid, and MUCH more based on Carl Sagan's Contact than I remembered. As I rambled to a friend earlier today and will now do here again probably even less coherently, this whole thing was great for me until it falls apart at the end with the pieces of paper forming the portrait of Ruby. Despite this being a nifty reveal, the portrait is just SO GOOFY!!, and it is just a step too far for me. The aliens are sending numbers through the TV to Ruby's little brother — sure. And he's compelled to write them down and they turn out to be, in binary, the aliens repeating back to the humans what they've heard in transmissions from Earth, in what is assumed to be a way of reaching out or saying hello (this is what happens in Contact). I love all that, it's very spooky, it's a fun side-swerve when M&S get interrogated by the NSA because Kevin was accidentally transcribing top-secret military info, and it is undeniably a great moment when Scully goes upstairs and looks down and has the realization that it's a picture of Ruby. But... how can the 1s and 0s be BOTH encrypted satellite transmissions AND the precise sequence that makes a physical picture of Ruby's face? Also, is it like, a school portrait? Why is she smiling so hard? Did the aliens tell her to smile and snap a photo of her on the spaceship? Are they reading Kevin's mind and that's how he pictures her, with a giant cheeseball grin? It just kind of falls apart for me and it is silly enough that it breaks the momentum of the episode. 

On the other hand, I get that they wanted to make it unequivocal that the aliens were communicating to Kevin about Ruby specifically — and to make that explicit tie between this situation and Mulder's memories, as expressed in the hypnosis in the (very emotional) last scene, about Samantha's abduction: the voice saying that she's ok and she'll be returned to him. This is a touching consistency that I never really picked up on before, that it is the aliens' MO when abducting a kid to make an effort to let a nearby loved one know that they don't have to worry. So working instructions for how to arrange the papers on the living room floor into their tv transmissions in order to make a giant Sears portrait of Ruby is another way of delivering this ultimately benevolent, hopeful message, I guess. 

You couldn't keep it this way indefinitely, but I really do feel wistful about these early days when there was such a sense of wonder with the possibility of aliens, and so much unknown, before it all got bogged down in super soldiers and magnetite and consortiums and viruses and black oil and impregnating people with science against their will. You can FEEL Mulder's agitation and urgency in wanting to get Ruby's story and his agony at being blocked from it, and yet also understand Darlene's refusal to let this crazy-sounding stuff that has branded her a kook her whole life define her daughter's life as well. Just good stuff.

I will note though that there have been 4 episodes here so far, 3 of them dealing with UFOs, and in all 3 of those they have done the thing where you think you're seeing UFO lights and then it turns out to be a vehicle Very Much Of This Earth. I think you could give that one a rest for a little while, show. 

Let's get real, this is all prelude to Jersey Devil, up next. Yeah baby. 

[demona-andariel]

A Simple Act of Kindness - 19 / ??

Fandom: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Pairing: Thomas Hewitt (Leatherface) x OFC

Summary: Elizabeth wakes up in a stranger's home. Her fate to become another victim of the Hewitt family is all but sealed till a simple act of kindness changes her life forever.

Warning: (Encompassing the whole story in no particular order) dead dove, rape/Noncon, violence, forced marriage, kidnapping, cannibalism, explicit sexual content, loss of virginity, angst

Author Note: Minors DNI!

Word Count: 3,743

Chapter 19 - Hope

Hope.

She felt like an idiot. Why the hell did she let herself fall into a fantasy? Her rapist falling in love with her? Winning his family over? Them seeing her as something other than a babymaker and eventual food that she very clearly was at the beginning.

Delusional is what you are. A god damn fool.

Thomas’s large hand held onto hers firmly. Almost as if he was worried she’d pull away. But, she wasn’t lying when she said she was done. Of course, her brain kept insisting on falling back to that hopeless romantic she apparently was. It wanted to believe there is a better future. That all her hard work to win Thomas over wasn’t in vain. That his family could learn to accept her.

She suppressed a snort. That probably wasn’t possible now. And even if they did accept her and pulled her into their circle for some fucked up reason. She couldn’t picture any possible way she’d ever forgive Hoyt. It would have to be some massive apology to change her mind.

“You ain’t blood.”

A sting of pain ran up her right arm as she dug her fingernails into the palm of her hand. As if that would ever happen. Him apologize? Actually be sorry? A silly fantasy of him groveling at her feet, flashed through her mind. He would try, Thomas would make him, but she'd stomp on his hand and cock in defiance.

The anger that filled her body quickly evaporated into defeat and her shoulders slumped. It would never come true. Nothing even close. She needed to remind herself of that. Needed to stop living in a fantasy. Hoyt would never be sorry for what he did. The Hewitts would never see her more than a babymaker. Thomas would never be by her side demanding his uncle make amends to her.

Thomas paused by the door and picked up her hat. There was no hesitation as he set it on her head. The bandage on his left hand drew her attention. There’d been a fight last night, a major argument. She had heard shouting, Luda Mae screaming, things were thrown and broken. Thomas had clearly punched someone. Hoyt? Probably. How could it not be? The way Thomas flew out of their room when they heard Hoyt's laughter upon his return. The anger in Thomas's face.

She felt her stomach drop with fear. She'd never seen him that angry before. And hopefully, he'd never show her that side of him. Although, she probably would sooner rather than later.

Yesterday had gone a little bit differently than what she expected. She didn’t plan on bearing her soul to Thomas. Didn’t plan on saying a word or acknowledging the rape.

Thomas probably thought she went down into the basement to end her life. She didn’t even notice the knife was in her hand until Thomas showed up. He was so scared, and it made sense. Had she been someone else she probably would have already done it. Ended her life. Unfortunately, despite all that had happened, her god damn brain kept insisting it wanted to live. Wanted to keep pushing forward because maybe, just maybe things would get better.

Idiot.

She probably didn’t need to tell Thomas that Hoyt raped her. He had to have known. How could he not? His family didn’t keep secrets from him. Hoyt was probably a step ahead of her and told Thomas she’d seduced him or some bullshit excuse. Most likely claimed her fucked her ass or mouth because “the baby has to be Tommy’s”.

It did somewhat surprise her Thomas’s reaction. His stunned surprise. But then she had to remind herself that maybe he was lied to. That Thomas was stunned to find out Hoyt raped her pussy. There was a possibility that if she was pregnant it was Hoyt’s. Small, but possible.

She clenched her jaw at the thought. Would it be telling? Did it matter in the end?

From there she just found herself blurting out everything she’d been wanting to say. Consequences be damned. What more could she lose? Her life? Not yet, she still had to have at least one baby.

It was surprisingly easy to shut down from there. To no longer care what happened to her. Rape? Beatings? Isolation? Tied up? Hung up? She didn’t have the energy to give a damn about her fate.

But none of that happened, much to her surprise. He didn’t try to “reclaim” her. Didn’t try to hurt her for lying to him. In fact, she was sure he wanted to feel free with him. Safe. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. And, she didn’t care enough to try anymore. He probably didn’t fully grasp what she had told him anyway. He could turn on her, once it all kicked in.

Thomas messed with her hat for a moment, tugging and pulling till he was satisfied with the way it set on her head. His eyes creased behind his mask from a smile. She resisted the urge to mess with his mask in kind. The leather mask he’d put on was his best one in her opinion, and thankfully not his favorite human made one. It was the one he knew she preferred of all the others. Not that she could put much meaning behind that.

The calluses on his palm brushed her cheek as he moved her hair back behind her ear. She couldn’t help but lean into his warm hand.

“He loves you,” the romantic in her said. Perhaps he did, but he was just making things harder for them. His love for his family would always trump his love for her. And sooner, rather than later, he’d prove it once and for all. Better to expect it now than to have her heart crushed and grounded again.

She pulled away.

Thomas slowly clenched his fingers, then he walked away.

Elizabeth gulped as his warm presence left her side, leaving her alone at the front door. Suddenly, her heart started to beat faster with fear.

He’ll be back.

He hadn’t left her side all day yesterday till the fight. They had spent the whole day in their room. Not fucking. Not doing much of anything for that matter. Thomas stood by the door as if he was guarding her. Protecting her. And she sat on the bed. A part of her wanted to go to sleep, because he was there and wouldn’t let any harm come to her. She hadn’t slept much over the last four days. But, only nightmares awaited her unconscious mind.

Elizabeth’s musings were interrupted as Thomas returned. He set down a picnic basket then opened the door. Despite the early hour, it was already hot outside.

Dishes clanged and cluttered in the kitchen, catching her attention. Luda Mae probably. Elizabeth gave the house a quick glance. She didn’t see anyone. She hadn’t seen anyone since the day before yesterday. When Thomas came back after the fight he didn’t let her leave, bringing dinner up for them.

Thomas turned and held out his arm to her. She automatically placed her hand on his arm and let him escort her out. Such a gentleman. They probably looked like such a pretty couple, dressed in their Sunday best. Thomas in one of his nice suits and her in a pretty sundress.

Hope.

Elizabeth quickly squashed those feelings, embracing the numbness.

Time. That was all that was needed. A little bit of time before the truth hit Thomas. Or till he gave up. His family would eventually win out. It was better this way. For her. Why did she even bother trying in the first place? A babymaker. That was all she was at the end.

The wind causing her dress swirl a little. Heat rushed inside of her as her heart picked up and fear spiked through her. She didn’t want to wear a dress, but Thomas had set it out and she wasn’t about to disobey him. But, she felt so vulnerable, despite Thomas being by her side.

She turned her head and glanced behind her at the old house. The dirty, yellow windows hid any evidence that they were being watched. But, Hoyt had always been watching her before, she was sure he probably watched her now.

Hoyt.

Oddly enough, it wasn’t Hoyt raping her that truly broke her. Sure, it was a part of it, but she would have gotten past that. She was strong after all. A fighter. Life kept throwing her lemons and she kept making God damn lemonade with each situation.

She could have pushed through. She would have. Would have healed and gotten stronger. But it was his words that did her in.

How happy the bastard whistled during the rest of the car ride back. Happy as could be because he got what he wanted while she had a war within herself. There was almost immediate regret that she had left the engagement ring on the ground. Fuck him! Hoyt was trying to get into her head and she let him. Thomas loved her and she was sure he would stand by her side.

Except, the moment she stepped out of the car and she saw Thomas her heart dropped and she knew she was wrong. His eyes had fallen immediately on her stomach. There was a giddy joy to him and excitement. A child waiting with glee to open his present.

When she walked up to him he’d placed his hand on her stomach.

Babies.

What a fool she’d been. He looked confused when she placed her hand on his cheek, slowly rubbing that leather mask. But, she had to say goodbye to the man she erroneously believed he was. The fantasy she indulged to cope with her situation. A stupid hope that he saw her as more than just a babymaker. That he could be her partner and truly protect or avenge her. But, she realized that Hoyt was right. The way he looked past her at his uncle in confusion, wanting an answer from that man. Not her.

Elizabeth let out a deep breath. No tears. But, she was tired and drained. She didn’t have the energy to cry.

The hot air cooled slight as they walked into the woods, the large trees covered the morning sun. Where was he taking her? The little meadow where he proposed popped into her mind. Her muscles tensed and she felt the overwhelming urge to run away. The man was giving her false hope.

Thomas lowered his arm and interlaced his fingers with hers. She absentmindedly squeezed his hand back, but focused on the ground.

She just needed to remind herself that he didn’t understand and wouldn’t be able to understand that he was giving her false hope. That no matter how much he tried to show his love it wouldn’t matter in the end. She didn’t matter. His family did. Having babies did. She was just a means to an end.

The insects of the forest made their presence known, filling the silence with their calls as Thomas walked Elizabeth further into the woods. She felt empty.

She’d given up. She hated herself for that decision. Always a fighter. At least, that’s how she used to view herself. Fighter for others never yourself. There was a reason why she fell for Thomas, despite everything he’d done, his family had done. Looking back, she was pretty sure her feelings had deepened toward him when he took care of her a few months ago when she got sick.

No one had ever taken care of her like that before. When she woke up with a fever she figured she’d have to deal with it on her own. Probably push herself and pretend to get better. But nope, Thomas refused to let her get out of bed. And he didn’t leave her side till he was satisfied she was better. She didn’t necesssarily need him. It wasn’t as if she were dying. But it was nice to see someone worry about her. He took care of her then, just like he tried to take care of her last night.

Hope.

Elizabeth gritted her teeth. No! She had to squash that feeling again that he’d done it for her. She had to think of him in a less romantic light. He was her rapist after all. The man who forced her to stay with him. Right, he didn’t let her leave the room because he was in fear that she’d harm or even kill herself. If he attacked his uncle then it wasn’t to avenge her, but because he was upset that Hoyt raped her pussy. That Hoyt may have gotten her pregnant and the baby had to be Thomas’s.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Thomas stopped in his tracks. She found herself pressing against his body as butterflies filled her stomach with nerves. Slowly, she raised her gaze from the ground to look around. She didn’t recognize the area. But they hadn’t been walking for that much time. So, they were near the house. The butterflies intensified as her eyes fell on the structure in front of them.

They stood before a little cabin.

Overgrown shrubbery grew around and on the cabin. She wasn’t entirely sure it was livable. Thomas stepped forward and she automatically followed him.

The screen door was actually well intact, not sporting any large holes due to neglect. She blinked in stunned surprise as the main door didn’t fall apart when he opened it. The hinges squeaked and groaned, but held the door firmly to the frame. Thomas placed his hand on the small of her back, encouraging her forward.

She stopped only a few steps into the cabin. The insides looked almost as bad as the outside. It smelled of dust and possible mildew. Leaves piled in a corner near a broken window. Was it even fixable? Livable?

There was a large couch by a wall and a loveseat near it. Both were facing a fireplace and a sheet covered them. The fireplace was interesting. She’d never lived in Texas, she was a Northern girl after all. She wasn’t sure if a fireplace was even needed. But it did look nice.

The place had clearly been worked on at some point. Not recently though. She could see the thin layer of dust on the floor and furniture. Wooden beams stood ready for drywall to be attached to them to create walls to separate the rooms. But, from where she stood, most of the house was rather open and visible.

Why bring her here?

Hope.

Her heart picked up its pace as she desperately tried to squash that feeling. She gulped before turning her gaze to Thomas.

The floorboards creaked with each step he took. He set the picnic basket down in the kitchen area before nonchalantly reaching out and tugging on a wooden beam. It was as if he was testing how sturdy it was. She half expected it to snap and for the whole house to topple onto them, but it didn’t.

He moved around, carefully tapping the wood and testing it as if this was the first time he’d entered the cabin as well. As if he knew what he was doing.

Hope.

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth took in a deep breath and let it out. No. They were there for a different reason. They were probably going to sell the house and they needed someone to majorly clean it or something.

Her fingers gripped the fabric at the top of the couch. Yeah, clean and polish so that another family of cannibals would live on the Hewitt land. Opening her eyes, Elizabeth found Thomas.

He stood in the corner of the room. Behind him she could see the way into what she assumed was the kitchen. His eyes were soft, but his body slightly tensed. He was watching her carefully. It was almost as if he was holding his breath.

Hope.

“Don’t do this,” she whispered.

His eyes widened slightly. He didn’t expect that. Neither did she. She felt her heart pound hard in her chest.

“Please, Thomas. Don’t give me hope,” her voice cracked. “You’ll kill me.”

He quickly shook his head and took a step toward her, hands reaching out. She rushed backwards, hitting the front door hard with her back. Her whole body screamed to run away, but she couldn’t lower her hands to turn the doorknob and appease her flight reflex.

“Don’t,” she whimpered. Her hands moved automatically in front of her as if she could stop him. But, she couldn’t handle it. Not anymore. She was barely hanging on by a thread. She was going to lose her goddamn mind, her will to live. And for whatever reason, she didn’t want to. This was the only way she could survive. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Just let them do whatever they wanted and expect nothing good to happen. Be the mother of his children and watch them be raised without having a say. Just be. That’s all she wanted now. To just be even if that wasn’t really living.

Thomas took a step back. He looked away for a moment. She couldn’t move, could barely breath as she watched his movements. He set down the bag, he had slung over his shoulder, onto the end table by the couch.

Her whole body remained tense, stiff. She was unable, unwilling to give in to hope. Hope that perhaps she did have a higher value than Hoyt was making it seem. That Thomas was her ally. Her partner. That he was devastated and angry at his family and at Hoyt for what Hoyt did to her. That he would stand by her side.

Sifting through the bag, Thomas froze. She saw him gulp. Clearing his throat, he stood up and pulled a book out.

A wave of disappointment washed over her. So dramatic over a stupid book? She did like reading, but a book wasn’t going to fix the situation. Wasn’t going to make her feel better or give her the reassurance she needed.

Thomas walked toward her and she tried to shrink back. But there was nowhere for her to go. Stopping in front of her, he grabbed her hand with his free one. She refused to look at it as she stared up at him. Her mouth opened and closed in a silent plea. Thomas didn’t take the book away. Instead, he closed her fingers around it before taking a few steps back, giving her room to breathe.

The weight and feel was oddly familiar. Dropping her shoulders, she lowered her gaze. She did tell herself she would do whatever he wanted and not argue, after all.

Her eyes widened and her world swirled on her.

“My… my album,” she heard herself say, but she didn’t recognize voice. Her mind remained blank, refusing to believe just yet. It had to be a dream. Her imagination.Wishful thinking perhaps?

With reverent care, she opened to the first page. The first two pictures were of her and her brother at their local fair. Both were doing their best to make a silly face in one photo. The other photo she had her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips pressed to his cheek.

Hope.

Butterflies filled her stomach. No, she couldn’t allow herself that hope. Snapping the album shut, she looked up at him. Anger bubbled inside of her.

“I… I get to keep it?” she asked, her voice was soft with fear. Those weren’t the words she wanted to say. She wanted to scream at him and demand he burn it. Or beg him not to give it to her. To throw it away in front of her. Not give her hope.

He nodded his head.

She felt her legs buckles as her knees gave out on her, but she couldn’t do anything about that. Thomas’s boots scrapped the wooden floor and suddenly, his strong arms wrapped around her, catching her before she hit the ground.

He easily lifted her up, pressing her tightly to his chest. Her fingers clenched onto the album tightly. It was a strange feeling as her body moved through the air while Thomas held her.

He moved them to a couch and sat. It creaked and groaned from their weight. His fingers pressed hard against her body, not letting her go. She didn’t want him to let her go and wrapped one arm around his neck to hug him. The album pressed between them.

Hope.

No! She shook her head on his shoulder. She couldn’t allow herself to give in. Thomas’s family meant everything to him. She wasn’t blood. She wasn’t family.

Lifting her eyes, she meet his hazel ones. Soft. Caring. She couldn’t help but shake her head.

“Thomas,” she whispered, fresh tears started to flow down her cheeks. That was all she could say. Her throat refused to give any other sounds.

Thomas released her legs and moved his free hand up to his leather mask. He didn’t hesitate in taking it off. Her fingers reached out to caress his face, like she’d grown accustomed to doing. She wanted him to be comfortable with being himself around her. No matter what he looked like.

He closed his eyes for a moment, clearly enjoying her touch. Then, grabbing her hand, he brought it to his mouth to kiss it. It was difficult to breathe. Difficult to comprehend or allow herself to believe what was happening.

Her eyes fell on his scrapped knuckles. She sniffled.

“You… you beat him up because he raped me? Not…not because you were worried he got me pregnant?”

Her light brown eyes raised to met his hazel ones. Since he couldn't talk she learned to read his face a little. And his eyes couldn’t lie to her.

He held her gaze and firmly nodded his head. Letting her hand go, he reached out and stroked her cheek. Her whole body trembled as she fought with herself. She couldn't give in. The album was just another thing that could be used against her. Taken away from her.

A sound came out of his mouth. His throat moved and he grimaced then frowned in frustration. He was clearly trying to make a certain sound and couldn’t.

“Thomas-” He placed his finger on her lips, silencing her and shook his head.

His throat moved as he swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. He let out a long breath. Then, squaring his shoulders he focused on her again. There was so much determination in his eyes.

“Ww,” he coughed and grimaced.

Tightening his grip on her with his left hand, he set his right hand on her chest and cleared his throat.

“Wife.” The word came out forced, just a little high pitched and clearly hurt.

Wife.

Hope.

Chapter 20 - To Trust, Just One Last Time

[peachfuzznygma]

as per anon's request: my dnd character

this is my first campaign and my first character so i've grown very fond of him but in the worst way possible. the campaign we're playing rn is curse of strahd so def some spoilers ahead. and yapping warning also

elidyr (he/him) is a half-elf warlock. since curse of strahd is a gothic horror vampire campaign he is a vampire hunter. his charisma is Extremely high and it shows. alignmentwise he's lawful evil or neutral evil. he's very egotistical. flirts with anything that moves. doesn't think before speaking. no morals really. just a general asshole. the thing is i didn't mean it to go this far. i knew i wanted to start off with a little ego but after the first few sessions i was having too much fun playing the asshole. it's so fun seeing the player's/character's and dm's reaction to his chaos. especially since one of the characters is a paladin so his morals are high. i love seeing his reaction when i do something wild. (ofc good to note that you can play an asshole without them being an actual bigot). but i've grown very fond of him. not love or hate but a third secret thing. there's been so many times where he has been tooooo close to death (like the time i got stabbed so bad that now my guts are fully fucked and i can't do actions in battle without throwing a 12 or higher) and i get sad because he's such a fun character to play and i don't want to lose him

one of my favorite parts about him is his luck in battles WHICH SUCKS. but we always laugh about it afterwards. I KEEP HAVING MY HP AT NEGATIVE?? but characterwise it makes it so fucking funny. having this big ego and then keeps getting beat up. honestly he deserves it (but don't die pls)

our dm mentioned that elidyr's luck reminds her of gotham penguin (honestly her mind. i didn't even know she'd even seen gotham. my brain was so happy about this comment). and i totally agree. elidyr keeps failing but somehow keeps ending up more powerful and more egotistical. also the way pengi jumps on board with anything and everything that benefits him personally even if it went against his other connections is so elidyr

okay lastly i just want to list some of my favorite things about elidyr that has happened in this campaign so far

as a joke we all rolled a d20 for dicksize and ofc i rolled the lowest and it checks out. big ego, small dick

started off by having my eldritch blast come from a hip thrust but now i just forget to do it so i just use my hands

in one battle there was this energy orb type thingy with a baby in the middle. i/elidyr said that we should just kill it. during this we had no idea i was right and we were actually supposed to do that. but everyone was so in shock that he would even suggest that. but characterwise he was the only one in the group who had the guts to do it. so he did kill a baby (but it was like an evil energy)

lady from a tavern telling a rumor about the town having a basement somewhere where you could hear screams from. then she asks is there something she can do for us and i flirtingly answered "do you have a basement where you can scream?"

elidyr eats drugged up pie and sees dreams about kids praising him and wanting to be him and women loving him

my personal want to smash the vampires keeps coming in the way of my character who hates them and wants to kill them

rebels taking over the town and executing the mayor and his family. elidyr was so hyped about this. i wrote in my notes: "they had to pull elidyr away from watching the execution. he was just so hyped. he isn't even pro-revolution, he just likes seeing people die. imagine a fratboy watching the superbowl"

willing to drug a possessed child without letting others know

lasty a picture of this fucker. i really wish i had a pc so i could download the free dragon's dogma character maker. but picrews work really well for dnd characters

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

It's a new day, so let's review our list of tasks again. We got a lot done yesterday, but there's still plenty more to get done.

THURSDAY

Get yourself organised

You can't build communism alone. It's time to join your revolutionary brethren, develop your political consciousness, and put Mazovian theory into practice. But where have all the communists gone?

Roam the streets to sniff out some comrades.

WEDNESDAY

Spirit is eternal

The Horrific Necktie is getting ready for the end game. For the love of god do not remove it till the 'magic' happens.

Hold onto the spirits and wait for the signal.

Find Idiot Doom Spiral's jacket

Idiot Doom Spiral stole a cool jacket at one point... and then lost it again. The story of his life. According to the man, the jacket was last seen somewhere around the boardwalk, maybe the abandoned fish market.

Doorgunner Megamix

Hardie gave you a recording where the hanged man supposedly testifies to his intent to rape and pillage. Have a listen on a playback device—either in your room; or find one from a pawnshop.

Talk to Titus about the Doorgunner Megamix.

Ask Klaasje about Sunday night

When Kim's not around to stop you, ask Klaasje about what she heard from her room the night before you emerged into Reality. She must know something.

TUESDAY

Find the murder weapon

You need to find the firearm that killed the hanged man. Something tells you it will take *some* time. You could start by identifying the bullet, so you'd know the weapon that shot it. After that, keep your eyes open. And be patient.

Perform an advanced analysis, using Hand/Eye Coordination.

Open apartment door for Evrart

Evrart asked you to open the basement door behind the greenhouse in the backyard, to intimidate the occupant. Do what you have to do, Evrart has promised to give you info on the case in return.

Let Evrart know you unlocked the door.

Ask René about the photo

The photo you found in the nightwatchman's booth—the one with a happy couple. Ask René about it, he looked uncharacteristically happy on the picture.

Find working class husband

The working class woman you met in front of the bookstore admitted that her husband is missing. Chances are the guy is drinking somewhere with his buddies. Find him and bring him home, if possible.

Find Morell, the Cryptozoologist

The ageing cryptozoologist has been out in the reeds for too long, and his wife, Lena, is very worried. Maybe you can find him when you happen to be on the coast?

You told Lena Morell is missing because of the broken water lock. She is still worried he hasn't come back -- let Morell know if you see him.

MONDAY

Find the armoured gloves

The gloves of the hanged man armour might still be around in the neighbourhood. Try to locate them.

Ask the little girl in the fishing village, down the coast, who knows something about the armoured gloves.

Huh, we haven't seen a little girl in this village yet.

Due to some confusion over the game René and Gaston are playing, you threw one of their pétanque *boules* far in the sea. The shot was excellent, but now you owe them a *boule*... or at least similar-looking metal sphere.

Who put the clothes in the trash?

The victim's clothes were in the trash container out back, neatly folded. Who could have put them there, and why? Only the Whirling staff was supposed to have the key.

Who else has unauthorized access to the Whirling trash? Find this person and you'll know who tampered with the scene. (It may take a while).

We have now determined where the racist mug came from, so that's a lead.

Explore the Whirling's secret passages

There are strange doors in the Whirling. No one knows where they lead. Find a way in and see what's hidden there, in the hostel cafeteria's forgotten corners.

Find a way into the secret passage.

Find all armour pieces

You want all of the armour pieces. Deck yourself out in full metal battle-hardened glory. NOTE! This might take a while. Like, a *long* while.

[pencilofawesomeness]

htryds microshot: A Few Times Acno Was Called A Dad

X780

The first time it happened, Acnologia wrote it off as an accident. Because it was, and he wouldn’t want to unnecessarily embarrass anyone over it when it didn’t matter. People made slips of the tongue all of the time. Especially when they were half-asleep and barely aware of what they were saying.

It was just surprising. That was all. Even more surprising was that the drowsy slip-up came from Levy.

The small girl’s presence in the library was not strange. If anything, it was stranger when she wasn’t there. When Acnologia spent any amount of time in the basement library, seeing if the guild had gathered anything worthwhile—he had a decent collection from the centuries, yes, but it wasn’t as if he had ever bothered to show his face long enough in public to truly browse for anything—it was common that Levy would set her stack of books near him, intent on being nearby. 

It didn’t bother him, because unlike the majority of the guild, she knew how to be quiet. And polite. Besides, the kids had taken a liking to her, so he had grown used to her presence in a variety of other places as well. The girl even came to the cabin sometimes. The kids trusted her with their secrets, and honestly, he believed that they made the right choice. 

In turn, Levy’s interest in him evolved from excitedly giving him tours of the library to taking interest in his research—and his knowledge. Acnologia had no intention of dragging a thirteen-year-old into his ongoing research on the origins of dragon supremacy magic, or his new project that involved compiling any information on etherious he could find, but Levy wasn’t the worst deskside companion for his more benign research. She knew how to sit still. (Unlike the rest of his kids.)

Her fascination in learning from him was also baffling. Sometimes heartwarming, but mostly baffling. With Levy sniffing out Gajeel’s and Natsu’s ancient origins with minimal clues, she now knew just how old he was too. She skipped over any implications his history should have given and landed on wanting to know the most obscure things. And languages. Definitely languages. 

Just now, when he was transcribing some of his Mildian notes and cross-referencing them to the modern guidebook, she had wanted to stick close, watching him translate and asking the occasional question as she did so.

The questions slowed as the night progressed, however, and soon Acnologia realized that she was asleep, cheek smeared onto her journal. Checking the time, he discovered that it was deep into the night, at hours that no human kid should be awake for. She knew better than to follow his example; Levy was well aware of his draconic sleep schedule. 

He would have let her sleep, were it not for the terrible position her neck was in. 

Acnologia gently shook her by the shoulder. “Levy.”

He would ensure she got in a bed, one way or another. She would probably prefer if it was her own bed, but he would set her up in the med bay if necessary. It would be more comfortable than slumped over a table.

“...five mor’ minu’s Dad…”

Acnologia stilled. 

Did she just…?

No, she wasn’t responsive, he decided. 

He scooped her up carefully, although in the past few years, he had more than plenty of practice. Upstairs, it was. 

With any luck, she wouldn’t remember her words in the morning. Levy was easily embarrassed, after all. 

—o0o—

“Try closing your eyes and picturing it in your head,” Acnologia suggested, recalling some of his own early transformations, back before he had conscious control over which form he took. 

Natsu was better with feeling than technicality anyways—he just needed the familiarity with the feeling first. Maybe focusing on self image and instinct would help him get there. Otherwise, Natsu would keep staring at his hands and only managing partial ones, spreading only by accident. 

“How do I know if it’s the whole thing?” he asked. 

Acnologia was pretty sure he had seen Natsu’s full etherious form before, that first time he had tried it and had been completely swallowed by the magic swell. However, Natsu needed his own perception of it in order for him to get comfortable with more than claws and wings. Besides, there was nothing to say that it wouldn’t change appearance based on Natsu’s current disposition. 

He shrugged. “It’s hard to say. Let’s just see how it goes.”

Free of any specific expectation, Natsu relaxed. “Okay!”

It took a couple of tries to move his magic across the entirety of his body, but not long. Natsu was quick at picking up magic once he grasped the first part. 

Natsu touched his horns gingerly, before turning to him with a grin. “Dad, I did it!”

Acnologia blinked, Natsu’s words ringing belatedly in his head. 

“Aw man, did I miss something else?” Natsu continued, mistaking Acnologia’s apparently visible panic for something wrong with his magic. He twisted around, stretching his wings out as he checked his back. “I’m missing a tail, aren’t I?”

Natsu was acting any differently, so Acnologia made the decision to absolutely not address the slip-up. He learned magic from Igneel, so it was only natural. (Oh stars, could Igneel hear that from within the soul technique? He sincerely hoped he didn’t. That dragon didn’t need any more reasons to kill him.)

“Demons don’t have tails,” Acnologia reminded him, shaking himself out of his stupor. (He wasn’t trying to replace any of their parents. He wasn’t. It was fine.)

“You did great.”

“Hey Acno, am I supposed to have only four toes?”

He absolutely did not sigh in relief at the use of his name. 

“Your fifth is technically the one on your heel.”

The fourteen-year-old looked briefly horrified. Acnologia laughed, the rest of his own tension fading. Yes, everything was normal. 

—o0o—

“Need help?”

Sting glared at him, a sight that was largely made amusing by the nine-year-old’s precarious position half-standing on the counter. 

“No.”

Acnologia knew better than to damage the kid’s fragile ego (too much) so he stood to the side and watched as the pipsqueak struggled to reach the bowls. 

By some miracle, he finally grabbed one and scrambled down without dropping it. “See Dad, I told you I could—”

Sting stopped himself abruptly. Acnologia tried very hard not to show that he heard it, lest he freak out Sting more. 

Not addressing it was probably the best call. Sting clearly didn’t mean it anyway. 

Awkwardly, Acnologia simply grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and set it on the counter. “Still would have been faster,” he said, circling back carefully to the real topic. 

Sting huffed, his tension fading. “Only if you were already in the room.”

He would let him have this. Sting would get taller soon enough anyway. 

“Fair enough.”

—o0o—

“Hey um, Acnologia? Got a minute?”

He stiffened at the unfamiliar voice, though after a moment, he placed it as Macao, that purple fire mage. Acnologia studied the man briefly, not placing any immediately noticeable reason for him to walk into the med bay. Unless, of course, to speak with him. 

“Yes?” he answered, hoping it was a reasonable medical request. 

“One dad to another, how can you tell the difference between a distressed baby cry and a bratty cry?”

Oh dear Polaris he was not prepared for that question in the slightest. 

He remembered that Macao and Enno had recently had a child—and that Enno recently left the guild altogether. (How much the two were related, Acnologia did not know.) It made some degree of sense that Macao might ask a doctor for advice, but why would he phrase it like…?

Oh hell no. 

“You realize I’ve never raised an infant…right? Or toddlers.” Acnologia responded awkwardly. He had come to Fairy Tail with three of the kids already, so he didn’t fault anyone for not knowing that his experience didn’t go far beyond what was witnessed. It was just a simple misunderstanding.

“Oh.” The young father deflated a bit. “Right, right. Ah, nevermind then.”

Macao turned to leave, but he stopped short, hovering like there was more to ask. (Porlyusica was never bothered like this; it wasn’t fair.) 

“Yes?” he prompted tiredly. 

“How do you do it?” Macao blurted, leaving him with no context. The man quickly amended this with a cough. “I mean, balancing mage work and being a father. I love Fairy Tail, and I don’t wanna just up and leave or anything, but I… I want to be a good dad for Romeo. That comes first, ya know? And I’ve seen the way you care for those kids, and the way they look up to you, but you manage to do all that S-Class stuff too. I just… I dunno. I don’t want to mess this up.”

Acnologia almost corrected Macao out of instinct: he wasn’t a father. He had no intention of replacing any of their parents, or even pretending that he was in any way qualified to be a parent. Not…not in the traditional sense, at least. He wasn’t raising them from the beginning like Macao was. He wasn’t some permanent structure in their lives. 

(At least, he used to think he wasn’t.)

Yet, Macao’s question rang true to him, and he couldn’t refute even just a part of it in favor of the whole. Because he knew exactly what Macao meant. He wouldn’t have been able to put it into words like Macao did, but… the feelings were there, and they were real. 

The title still felt wrong, when applied to someone like him, but everything else was there: the desire to do right by them, to keep them safe, to not stifle them.

To not screw everything up.

“I’m not any expert, but…” he started slowly, painfully aware of how clueless he was and how he was stumbling blindly through this whole ordeal. He had messed some things up already—because of course he has—but he had also learned from some of them. Acnologia wouldn’t profess to be an expert on something as lofty as parenthood, but he did know a thing or two about his kids. He was still learning, too, whether that was catching up on things he hadn’t noticed earlier, or simply watching them change. They were all different, but at least in his experience, there might be some of those generic truths that Macao was looking for. Some good principles to follow. 

He thought of how sure the kids had been that their parents had left—of the hurt and uncertainty they felt knowing they were sent to the future. Of how Wendy didn’t like to be alone, or how Natsu needed assurances that somebody would be back even if he never wanted to ask for them. Or how Happy always wanted to tag along to random places, like to the market, or walking home. Or how even Lisanna would want to see him whenever he came back.

“Spend time with them, especially if you were just gone on a quest. When you do go, tell them where you’re going.”

He thought of how Sting wanted to be included, even when he was younger and tinier than he thought he was. Or how Gajeel needed something to do to feel important. Or how Rogue would get excited over small things that meant the world to him, even if just for that moment. Or how Levy would ramble about her own research, searching for his opinions even if he had nothing.

“Encourage them and pay attention to their interests, even if it’s different from yours. Let them try things, even if you know you could do it better. Answer their questions to the best of your ability.”

He thought of Erik, easily overwhelmed by stimulus but equally scared of silence. Of Mystogan, who hated being startled or crowded. Of Charle, who would deny her own feelings and pretend she was fine unless she was called out.

“Protect them, but don’t let them feel bad for needing it.”

With a wince, he thought of how the kids had cried and screamed when he tried to leave, after telling them what he had done to the dragons. Of the way Natsu had shook when he found out that he had seen Zeref, and hadn’t told him. Of how Laxus had remembered him six years after his encounter, demanding answers and closure without the confidence that he would receive it.

“Be honest with them. Especially when you fucked up.”

Macao wouldn’t have done the things that Acnologia did. Hopefully, he never will. His relationship with his kid would be simpler, but even still, he was a mage, and those didn’t have to have Acnologia’s laundry list of issues to run into complications. 

He cleared his throat, aware that he drifted from the original question. It was just a deep subject, that was all.

“You don’t have to abandon the guild, or anything else, really, but especially with your kid so young… You’re right. He is going to need your attention first. When he gets older, he’ll understand that you have interests just like he does. Maybe he’ll gain an interest in magic. Maybe he won’t. I can’t say that I have any special ‘balance’ figured out, because truth be told, I only joined the guild because the kids joined first. I just know that they need both space and attention, and how much of each depends on the kid. As long as you honestly get to know your kid, you’ll figure it out.”

Macao studied him for a minute, and Acnologia suddenly regretted ever attempting to answer the question at all. Even if Acnologia was somewhat certain that he knew what he was doing with his kids, that didn’t mean that it was true for others. Especially non-traumatized, human, two-year-olds. Those might be different.

But Macao nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It just takes time to figure it all out, doesn’t it?” This time, he really did go to the doorway. “Thank you. This really helped.”

Acnologia watched him leave, still a bit numbed by the implications of the conversation. 

Was he…really a dad? 

He wasn’t sure. He was sure that he would do anything to take care of those kids, and to make sure that they had a good life. Maybe that made him a parent after all; maybe it didn’t. In the end, Acnologia decided that the label didn’t matter all that much… but maybe, it wasn’t something to be so afraid of.