#bc I WAS making this an art blog for a while. that was miserable.

[canisonicscrewyou]

this comes with a heavy hand of “IF YOU EVEN REMEMBER” because this blog has existed since 2012 with many URLs but it’s one of those things I’m always incredibly curious about. because I can see people on my dash/in my notes and usually remember the original reason I followed, if I’ve been following for long (or short) enough. but that’s because my brain can’t not form associations for everything and everyone I know.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

[4nn4m14]

Starting a blog bc i have literally always wanted to- anyways:

Stats:

SW: 223

HW:223

LW:122

CW:172

GW:155

UGW:110

Wl so far: 56 lbs

About Me:

•Im 19 years old

•I absolutely loooOoooOovee gardening

•Im probably THE most understanding person you will ever meet.

•im #proformenotforthee

•I will never encourage anyone to ⭐️ve BUT i will be posting my mealspo/ what i eat in a day and anything i find that helps avoid binges/ promotes my weight loss.

•I have Hashimotos disease (hence the starting out obese as fuck but i can’t technically blame that) so it makes it EXTREMELY difficult for me to lose weight; especially as fast as i want to. If i want to lose properly i have to put in double the amount of work, but wanting to lose the way i do and as fast as i do; i gotta quadruple it.

•I love gardening and have an extremely creative mind+ im good at creating a mental image with anything so (not to sound cocky) I’m wondrous at any type of designing

•I also enjoy art:) i can post some and probably will.

•biggest muse: Elton John, Nirvana (Kurt Cobain, mainly).

•My music taste is a wide variety and whatever im listening to defines my personality for the day:) (I can post my Spotify link bc personally i think it’s all immaculate ESPECIALLY if u have a taste for older music)

•I have a girlfriend who, actually, is a cute little love story (we met in school and didn’t know we were little fruit balls then parted ways but still came into relatively close contact with each other throughout the years then later on figured out about each other again and no we are in lovesies 🥰 (so cute) ) Shes my favorite person ever and does not know i have this app or what it is bc shed pRoBaBly admit me into the ward. BUT love her with my entire being.

•I look at the little things and romanticize the shit out of everything. (How else would i enjoy life if I didn’t? Itd be miserable.)

•I also love to cook and its probably one of my favorite things to do; ironically enough.

•I work at a nursing home in the kitchen; and i plan to become a CNA and take all of the free classes i can get then climb the medical chain (not my choice but im doing this until another opportunity comes around. Plus medical field= easy money. Easy money= more money to put towards classes i actually want to take.)

•I FULLY believe that you can do absolutely anything you put your mind towards.

About my blog:

What ill be posting:

•what i eat in a day

•Mealspo

•Rants (they’ll probably be deleted within 24 hours of posting bc im bipolar as shit)

•anything that I please or anything i can think of 🙂

•it’ll get chaotic. I am socially disorganized and all over the place.

Also:

-I have struggled with 4n4 and M14 since i was 13 and experienced b1ng3 3d for two years. If anyone is struggling with any of these I’m willing to try and be a shoulder to lean on 🤍

Im pro for me; not for thee. 3ds are serious and disgusting. Falling into is is not fun, nor quirky. Get help while you can

Ed hotline:

(866)952-6293

[scary-monsters]

I genuinely don't know how much longer I can do this

I try to keep mental health shit off this blog as much as possible bc that's not what it's for, it's supposed to be a place to share the things I make and to support others that love the same characters as I do. But also I need to be human sometimes

I haven't been getting enough sleep, my body won't let me rest more than 6 hours a night because I'm constantly riddled with anxiety and the pressure to work work work, be productive, do things or else you're useless.

I don't eat nearly enough because I can't afford to buy groceries most weeks and rarely have time to cook on the days I work. Most of the time I eat one meal a day and that's only on my 30min break at work. My body doesn't even like to take anything more than that.

I haven't bought new clothes in at least 2 years, because I can't afford to and why would I when I never go anywhere except work? If I have a day off I don't have the energy to try and look nice, I throw on old jeans and a t-shirt. And it sucks because clothing has always been a passion of mine and I used to take so much pride in the way I present myself. I miss that part of me.

I'm miserable all the time, if I'm at work I'm only thinking about suicide. I cry all the time. Yes I go to therapy, yes I have a psychiatrist, yes I take medication for my disorder. But it feels like nothing helps anymore.

My therapist asked me two days ago what the barriers to my goals and happiness are and I didn't even hesitate when I answered "work". My job is draining me to a point that is scary for me, I feel trapped in it because no matter how many applications I do, I always get 'no's. The jobs I do have a good shot at pay significantly less than what I currently make, so I can't risk losing that pay. I live by myself, I pay for everything by myself. I don't have anyone else to lean on.

We recently had a loss in the family, and while I handled it pretty well it also brought up all the other loss I've experienced in my life, and there's been a lot. To a point where if my mom calls and says "I need to talk to you", I immediately assume someone else has passed. So all I can think about lately is all those people and all the missed opportunities I had with them.

I'm tired and I don't know what to do, I feel lost and I can't help looking at suicide as my only option to get out of how shitty everything feels all the time. I'm only happy when I'm making art or writing or talking to friends, but when I don't have the energy to do those things?? What then? I sit here and stare at a screen and cry and wish I could be anyone other than myself. I can't measure up, and I'm kinda tired of trying.

I had to call in today because I can't do it, I feel myself falling apart at the seams, I've been snapping at coworkers and having attitude with customers, that's not me, but I feel like I'm losing myself. But because I called in I've now lost a quarter of my paycheck for this week. Every single day I have to pick whether I'd prefer experiencing suicidal ideation for 10.5 hours at work or sitting at home and feeling lost/lonely and crying instead.

I've been pretty good at hiding it and masking this year but idk, I don't have the energy to do it anymore. I'm lost, y'all, I have no direction and I don't know when/if things are gonna get better for me

(also I don't need anyone telling me that I could use vacation money to fix some of these issues; vacations are how I escape, and I need to do that. Plus I always save up PTO/money specifically for them.)

[scramble-crossing]

your writing has like totally reframed minamimoto as a character for me, its so cool. like of COURSE this central idea of social interconnectedness and the worth of it to someone with other priorities would be explored in echoes throughout the cast, like the story is asking Has asked sho the same question its asking neku. which i guess is also just. what a foil is lol.

its just wild tho, like down to the interest in art, theyre so similar that its like hes a version of this story of isolation that went differently !! i could totally see his backstory as showing him go thru life+the reapers game as Almost realizing people are worth it, swerving away from that conclusion into self-reverence, and there NEO shows him approaching it again, as if to illustrate the idea that there is no point at which it is 'too late' for someone to re-evaluate the world and how they look at it.

(and the idea that he does this, while still not having an entry fee of i think, his ability to relate w others?? could be such a cool examination of the idea of empathy, and how its different from compassion/kindness/caring for people)

anyway thank you!!!! bc of u i have a richer understanding of my favorite game now :)))

;-; Oh jeeze...that's so kind of you to say!! I'm so happy you enjoy my silly little shoposting :] Spreading Sho Narrative Propaganda is my ultimate goal and so I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that whatever the heck I've been doing on this blog for the last year and a half has actually impacted someone's view on Sho as a character.

"like of COURSE this central idea of social interconnectedness and the worth of it to someone with other priorities would be explored in echoes throughout the cast, like the story is asking Has asked sho the same question its asking neku"

^^^Yes!!! Exactly!! Part of why Sho is so fascinating to me is because he is the only main character in the series who has not yet answered this question for himself (Because Joshua has. He, at some point, chose to forsake closeness and actual relation to humanity in favour of his position as Composer, and however much he may regret it or wish that things were different, he still, for reasons we don't quite understand, holds onto it (Perhaps out of obligation? Perhaps there is no easy exist strategy for a being of his status and composition). In any case I think NEO makes it clear that his story has concluded, however miserable a conclusion that may be).

I mentioned this before, but it's the fact that we have already seen the worst-case scenario in Joshua, the lowest that Neku could have possible gone had he made different choices, that makes me hope for a redemption arc for Sho.

"...as if to illustrate the idea that there is no point at which it is 'too late' for someone to re-evaluate the world and how they look at it."

I cannot overstate how much I love this. It does fit so well with the themes of the series to show a character grapple with the fact that a worldview he's held for so long is extremely toxic and damaging to both himself and others in a messier and more complex way, and farther into adulthood, too, than the majority of our cast. While this is more into the realm of headcanon, I do think that there is a part of Sho that only clings to his ambitions to become the Composer because at this point he has invested too much in the pursuit, and to abandon it would be to admit that everything he's lost or discarded, his friendship with the Wicked Twisters, the prime years of his youth, his life, not just once, but twice, because had he joined the Twisters there's a chance he could have shared in their second chance...it would all be for nothing.

"Is this what you're searching for?"

"Are you scared to know the truth?"

I would kill for a threequel that explores Sho's journey as his resolve begins to waver and he realizes that overcoming the Composer was never possible, and maybe wasn't ever what would make him feel...happy? Complete? Nothing about the cold and lonely darkness of the Room of Reckoning could ever fill whatever emptiness was inside of him that made him dedicate himself so fiercely to this goal in the first place. And despite the years that have slipped by him with failure after failure after failure, he can still start again, and make something new of himself.

Joshua, Neku, and Sho are three sides of a very strange coin. One failed to connect with others and rationalized this lapse to himself by digging in his heels with his severely individualistic mentality, shrugging off his personal responsibility to make efforts to empathize with or understand the perspective of other people by insisting that it just isn't possible. Neku is the same. Or at least, he was. But then he made the choice to try anyways, and discovered that even if we cannot always see eye-to-eye, we challenge ourselves and make ourselves into wiser, kinder, better people by reaching out to others and, if only for a little while, making their world a part of our own.

Sho exists somewhere in the middle, sharing and maintaining many of the same beliefs ("All the world needs is me" / "All that matters is MY beauty!"), while also growing in a way that seems to have him challenging some of his own preconceived notions on the worth of other people, even if it's with baby steps. There is so much potential to parallel his arc with both Neku's and Joshua's in a very interesting way while still letting him carry his own unique message, and I do genuinely believe that if Square wanted, they could make something incredible out of a game with a narrative focused predominantly on him, and his answer to the series' greatest question.

...And maybe how he came to have to ask it in the first place?

I'm gonna shamelessly plug my fic Loner Phase here because it's all about exploring Sho's potential backstory and how it led to him becoming the person we see him as at the start of the first game. I started writing it faaaaairly recently and quickly distracted myself with writing a fic for the twewy bang (no regrets though. Crazy stressed about the time limit because I'm obviously a bit of a slow writer and tend to bite off waaaay more than I can chew, but I'm working on it. It'll be fine.) so there's only one chapter so far, but chapter two...it's coming. It's getting there. <- said with my head in my hands

I'm rambling but genuinely your comment made my day :] This is my first time being active in a fanbase and I feel so grateful for all the kind and creative people I've encountered here. You guys are the best 💖

[creation-help]

I just picked pretty randomly

8. Who has the worst luck?

20. How self-confident is your characters?

86. Is your character’s fear reaction to fight, flight, or freeze?

142. Do any of your characters use wheelchairs, transportation devices, or mobility aids?

163: Are any of your characters autistic? (If so, do they have special interests and what are they?)

Gasp?

The oc sharing blog gets an ask about it's ocs?? Oh oh, *quickly straightens out and knocks over some boxes as I gather my shit* oh yes, yes sure! Also thank you one million times for including the actual questions too mwah mwah (psst my art blog -> @grokebaby is where you'll find more stuff) (Also I talk alot so this'll be long lol)

Worst luck? - I feel like I could put several here unfortunately but let's go with. Larry? Small asshole Larry. I'll pick one character per question to keep it more focused

Larry (any pronouns) - shapeshifter who tried to Among Us their way into one of hell's districts, one which is ran and constructed exactly like a dank soulless office bc what's more torturous than that? It tried to disguise itself as the high judgement (leader of the district, a judge)'s secondhand man but got busted pretty quickly bc, obviously, you'd know your second hand well enough to tell. The judge, Delilah is a giant centipede demon and took Larry to the rooftop for some "interrogation" (aka several mock executions and dropping him off the roof just to catch him again in order to scare him, breaking at least one limb, tossing him around ect ect). Larry fessed up quickly and it's revealed that he's here by their "boss" to steal something valuable from the high judgement. If it returns empty handed, Larry will be killed bc this is their last chance to prove themself to their boss. So not being able to return, Larry is hired to work menial labor as punishment here and that is what they're still up to, to this day. He also has a shapeshifting ban, obviously. Miserable little guy and also a huge dick.

How self confident? - I'll talk about Jalo with this one bc I don't talk about her enough <3 she's a transformers (prime) oc, a big ol soldier who loves to punch people. During a war she was upgraded and modified, and with already being naturally strong and also having learnt fighting, she's. Let's say very hard to beat.. She's not egotistical, more like, so ultra secure in her own ability that doubting herself or being humble simply does not cross her mind. She's not a show off either but won't decline a challenge or a duel. She's hard to anger or upset, and most of her motivation to do things is "This is too boring I'm outta here" or "Nice, this is fun and cool!". She's a jock. A meathead, basically. She doesn't care if you're a war criminal but if you're boring or overly uptight she doesn't like you. She doesn't care about crimes, she's just here to vibe and have a good time. For better or for worse. She's not malicious or destructively rash (well the latter sometimes maybe), just doesn't really care if somethings not interesting enough. Her confidence is less bragging and moreso believing that her superiority is just a fact of life, as true as water is wet.

Fear reaction fight flight or freeze? - I'll talk about Hysteria (she/shriek). Shrieks fear reaction is kinda all of them simultaneously? Lol. For context Hysteria has powers to make things explode and fall apart, and to make people extremely anxious and panicky around her. Hysteria herself is also always at least a bit uneasy and very easily becomes upset or distraught over the smallest things. So in a sudden fear situation, shriek freezes, while her powers fight, and then a moment later shriek flees. Often all three happen in any stressful situation Hysteria is in. The order or duration of the reactions can vary but most usually the fight reaction always occurs bc Hysterias powers can be triggered way too easily and shri has to always make sure to keep it down and contained bc it gets dangerous really fast. Don't startle this entity for fun, it'll be bad for everybody

Wheelchairs or mobility aids ect? - Aalto from the Dissing order (group the prev character is in)! She uses a wheelchair on land bc she basically has a mermaid tail kind of situation. I've also went into detail Here, about her other disability aids. Xerxes, one of the three high judgements, uses his staff as a cane. He has regular canes too but he's extremely fond of his staff and also, you never know when you might be challenged to a duel, so. He needs the aid for his hip problems, he can't stand up or sit down (very well at least), or walk on uneven terrain without a cane. Mostly bc he's older by now and also built up damage from the various battles he's been to. Can't think of anyone else in particular rn, at least not ones I've mentioned on the internet before

Any of them autistic + special interest? - Alot of them are ND in some way but bc I personally haven't been able to fit into any one diagnosis, this also reflects on my ocs. To list some examples of ocs who are somewhere on the spectrum (or intended to be):

-All the angel/demon hybrid kids Meredith, Mihail and Gabriel (I've been trying to portray all of them as either ADHD or autistic or both but since they're not humans, the way neurology would work is different so I haven't outright made any statements)

-Janice from the Dissing order, I may have mentioned she's autistic but if not, she is. Her special interests revolve around medical equipment and certain kinds of diseases. She experiences/engages in object personification and treats her medical equipment like coworkers to an extent. At the end of the day she'll have a little ritual of organizing them and putting them away properly, and she sorta refers to this as tucking them in for a good night's sleep :] she nor the equipment can be "done" for the day if she doesn't do this.

-Relatedly, Janice's wife Temperance. She's ND and Idk if this would be relevant to put here since it's not about autism but I still wanted to mention bc it's personally very meaningful to me. Temperance has a compulsive disorder and it manifests in many ways, most of which are sensory. She hates touching coarse, or flakey and dry things and will always have her hands or feet protected when she's out and about. Some of her soothing behaviors include rubbing her face up and down, rubbing her hands and arms (usually by applying a soothing gel on herself), and in more serious cases just cocooning herself into a tight wrap where she can be tucked away from the world and anything triggering.

[mothmanismyuncle]

I posted 20,403 times in 2022

121 posts created (1%)

20,282 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@warmthseeker

@damatris

@sillyjimjam

@definitely-not-indecisive

@ghost-in-a-player-piano

I tagged 1,424 of my posts in 2022

#geraskier - 56 posts

#the witcher - 48 posts

#jaskier - 44 posts

#geralt - 33 posts

#ref - 20 posts

#geralt of rivia - 19 posts

#q - 10 posts

#art - 9 posts

#tma - 7 posts

#cryptidqueueflip - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#like everybody gotta quit gatekeeping. i. a gay man. would rather have 10000 ‘straight women’ ‘’fetishise’’ me than 1 person feel unloved

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i hope im never behind the wheel if i see this shit in the wild bc i blacked out ugly laughing

24 notes - Posted September 7, 2022

#4

modern au. geraskier, established relationship. just a little comfort for the bard boy after a miserable day at work.

xoxoxo!!!

❦

geralt looked up from his book when he heard the door click shut and his husband peel off a soaked jacket. shoes were kicked; a bag was dropped; still, jaskier said nothing.

usually, geralt starts hearing his husband’s car radio from the moment it enters their neighbourhood. the quiet is alarming, to say the least, so geralt turns his book over and lays it on the couch, putting his reading glasses on his head.

“jaskier?” he calls trotting into the laundry room, where jaskier is shucking off his sodden work uniform.

“hello, love,” he replies huskily. “it’s raining.”

“it is,” geralt agrees. he turns the dryer back on, peering at the load of towels bouncing around. “why don’t you take a nice shower? warm you up,”

“‘kay,” jaskier acquiesced, slinking into the bathroom. geralt frowned after him.

typically, getting jaskier to shower right after work takes some cajoling, several bribes on both sides, all that.

today, the water turns on without any music to cover the sound, and geralt hears jaskier snuffle to himself before a small, broken sound escapes.

he won’t walk in on his husband crying. he won’t embarrass him when he waited until the shower was on and put on a face for geralt in the laundry room.

that’s what geralt chanted to himself, anyway, while he heaped blankets up on the bed and jogged back into the kitchen.

he took a small container out of the cabinet and double checked the instructions. only a bit of water and a minute in the microwave, and jaskier would have a sweet treat waiting for him in the nest geralt was building.

he gathered some water bottles, a sandwich, and jaskier’s favourite of geralt’s tee shirts that geralt thankfully had to save from the hamper. jaskier didn’t have geralt’s nose, but he could still scent his husband and it tended to calm him down plenty.

til his dying breath, geralt would deny that he rolled around on the nest blankets to make it warm and smell like him, but it was the quickest way and without music or the promise of geralt joining him, jaskier could be done in moments.

when geralt was satisfied that the clean blankets smelled a little more like home, he went to get a warm towel out of the dryer and swaddle his husband up for a trip to the nest.

he found jaskier sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees.

he couldnt say anything that didnt feel too trite, too simple, too shallow, for what that image made his heart do in his chest. he simply got undressed and sat down next to him.

“bad day,” jaskier breathed. geralt, with soft hands and a softer heart, took the spray from the wall and began to wash jaskier’s hair.

jaskier began to cry again, but this time quietly. jaskier hated it when he cried, hated how much he cried, so geralt merely began humming for him while he threaded his fingers through auburn locks to remove the soap.

“i’m an artist, aren’t i?” jaskier finally asked.

“of course,” geralt said, cupping jaskier’s cheek to get him to look him in the eye. “of course you are. one of the best i’ve ever known.”

“i… geralt, i’m working at a fast food joint. i’m getting sandwiches thrown at me by customers, i’m getting barked at by my boss. i haven’t composed in almost a week.”

“you don’t have to always be writing to be an artist,” geralt said, sitting back on his haunches. “am i a witcher?”

“of course,”

“right now? when i’m sitting in the shower with you?”

“… quit it,” jaskier replied, cottoning on to geralt’s meaning and pushing his little head into geralt’s chest.

“i’m a witcher when i wake, and when i go to sleep, and every second in between.”

“that’s different,” jaskier mumbled as best he could with the hot water pouring down the back of his neck. geralt only held him, rocking him back and forth ever so slightly.

See the full post

26 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

#3

no need to measure for curtains, he said

they’ll surely be fine, he said

no way in hell they’ll turn out to be some kinda cock-height peep show for the entire main street of your hometown, he also said, strangely specific and also even stranger, wrong

29 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#2

For the hurt comfort list? "you are what's important right now" with whoever you like. Thanks!

jaskier could’ve blinked and missed it. he almost wished he had; on one hand, he was on his feet before geralt even hit the ground.

on the other, the image of the kikimore’s leg bursting through his boyfriend wouldn’t stop replaying every time he closed his eyes.

his badass boyfriend that lopped its head off right after, mind, but still.

“don’t move!” jaskier chided again, handing geralt his water. “i’m right here, love. i’m ready and willing.”

“i just wanted a drink,” geralt pouted. well, okay. less of a physical, facial, or vocal pout and more of a slight tightness around the eyes, but this was jaskier. he knew geralt better than geralt knew geralt.

“and i just want you to get back to feeling better.” he countered.

“you can’t sit here and hand me my water all night, jaskier. you have an audience downstairs and you’ll get bored.”

“none of those people matter to me. you are what’s important to me right now.” jaskier replied, folding himself into his witcher’s side gently. “besides, i can think of a few ways to entertain ourselves.”

“i thought you didnt want me to move.”

“for this, you won’t have to.” jaskier said, waggling his eyebrows. “tell me a story?”

geralt burst into surprised laughter before he winced, clutching his chest.

“okay, okay. what do you want to hear?”

jaskier wrapped his arms around geralt, snuggling in close. he could hear the thud of geralt’s heart and feel him breathing, and honestly? that was enough for a simple bard like himself.

“anything, love.” geralt held him with his good arm, resting his cheek on top of jaskier’s head. “anything you’d like.”

71 notes - Posted July 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

jaskier whumpers be like

609 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[xanfeursel]

heard you were bored so here are some questions :) (i realized halfway through that these are all durgetash because those little shits have taken over my mind) do you like leaning into the angst of durgetash or do you prefer the more lighthearted (aside from the atrocities) dynamic? if larian dropped a gortash romance, is there any icks that would absolutely ruin it for you?

or conversely, what would be the best thing they could add in a hypothetical gortash route?

what were your biggest inspirations for lophi and vyper? do you prefer one over the other or are they equal in your eyes?

(hopefully you won't have to answer these since you'll get out of work soon)

HELLO ANON. im sorry to tell you infact waited till i actually got home to answer these because i have!!! THOUGHTS and OPINIONS about the questions asked . thank you very much btw these are all really good questions ill have fun answering

FIRSTLY, it all depends on the kind of durge gortash is being paired w imo. with vyper i tend to lean more into These Two Are Fucking Insane while w/ lophi i lean more into the sort of melancholic 'angsty' side of durgetash that i think can be real yummy too. and it's all because of who vyper and lophi are as characters pre-tadpole, too. vyper liked being a loud insane freakus while lophi was a lot more reserved and kind of a miserable mess, and that informs their relationships w/ the characters around them. i think both are good and fun to explore and i definitely like exploring the more angsty side w vyper x gortash and vice versa w lophi x gortash, so. i guess both. really. LOL .

secondly, going to answer both of the gort romance related questions in one, but i think i'm probably in the unpopular opinion that gortash doesn't really neeeeeeeed a romance and i could go without it in game. i do think he deserves more content and screentime, but that's something i can say about orin also, and frankly a Lot of parts of act 3. me and act 3 have a toxic on/off again relationship. alright.

that being *said*, if i was mr larian and i was to implement a gortash romance, i'd have it be something exclusive to a durge/evil run. or at the very least, have it have consequences with your party (i.e karlach leaving or something. love gort but i do not think you should go off romancing him scott free).

i Do think having it be exclusive to a more evil-aligned run would help add more actual content to doing an evil run (and god knows we need some with how bg3 seems to like punishing people who just want to do the evil options They Gave You) and would make the most sense, but all in all i'd just hope it's handled better than the mizora sex scene cause god how that whole thing is handled still pisses me off. hopefully this all makes sense

tl;dr, its a fun idea but i can very easily go without it especially knowing how the game treated its one other antagonist romance option

now for the lophi and vyper question... i do obviously have my biases towards vyper /looks at my blog theme/, but i genuienlly cannot pick favourites with them besides that... i use them both to explore different aspects of the durge origin in different ways bc despite what some other people say i Do think you can be very flexible w durge as a concept despite the pre-established lore for them ^_^ and i think it's very fun to play around with.

as for specific inspirations, lophi takes a lot of insp from vintage pierrot art + has accidentally gotten a very 1920s makeup vibe in My Mind. i should also note her name comes from the scientific name for anglerfish, cuz thats what i had in mind when giving her those freaky sharp ass teeth i always draw her with

and while of course, both of my durges are trans, lophi specifically was birthed from my want to make a dark urge that leans in as heavily as she possibly could in the whole trans allegory thing. so theres that as well!

vyper's specific inspos are harder for me to pinpoint cause he's much more of a 'made up as i went' character than lophi, given he was my First dark urge and i didnt really fully know what i was going into all this yet while making him (and also i was maybe a little bit high while doing so...lol) THAT SAID THOUGH, i did initially make him with akira fudo from devilman in mind. he has the horn style he does because it reminded me of devilman ... although the akira insp is very lose and barely effects his character now.. ~_~ despite bg3 being my main fixation atm devilman is still a very very important piece of media to me so vyper being loosely akira-pilled is not too surprising if you know me well enough lololol

[nighttimepixels]

Is there a reason the story has gone without an update on AO3 for nearly a year?

Okay. I try... really, really hard to either have a positive/understanding outlook here, or to simply ignore and scroll on if I can’t.

But I’m frustrated with these messages. So... I’m going to be blunt, under the cut.

Why would you ask this?

Do you go and anonymously demand answers like this of any creator whose work you’ve consumed?

Genuinely, I want to know.

There is no kind way for me to read this. This is not something that could be easily lost in translation, or a slip of the wording where you accidentally sound a bit demanding in wanting to know when a next update is coming.

Is there a reason the story has gone without an update on AO3 for nearly a year?

Stars help me, what a miserable ask to wake up to this morning.

Is there a reason that... perhaps rather than reach out with a nice message, some words of encouragement, or even a hopeful ‘can’t wait for the next update!’, for a story you presumably enjoy? After all, you came to my blog from AO3 to ask this. You’re on anon, so I can’t say for certain whether you’ve commented something nice/encouraging before; it would be nice if you had, and I would thank you, deeply, for that. But it wouldn’t excuse this sort of message.

What reason do YOU think I need to have, to excuse not updating my free fanwork for ‘nearly a year‘?

Do you think I don’t know it’s been nearly a year?

Do you think that I, someone who fairly regularly answers questions about the characters in that fic, someone who draws those characters frequently, who is still active in the overarching fandom, am unaware of the WIP burning a goddamn hole in my drive?

Do you think it doesn’t eat me up inside, knowing it’s been that long?

...

Tell me something, anon.

What would excuse it?

Do I need to go into my mental health issues?

Do I need to shine a light on the minutiae of my life?

To go into my physical health struggles, to explain how I felt for two months straight like I might throw up in mere seconds while I tried to get proper goddamn nutrition into my body?

Do I need to talk about the complications in my family life, or the way that I took time to support loved ones rather than spend the time reworking an update? Do I need to reveal the countless wips in my folder as I struggled with burnout from trying to scrape some money from doing commissions because my health made it nigh impossible to work a traditional job, leading to creative stress bleeding into my personal creative time as well? Do I need to make a checklist of personal strides I’ve made in the past year, trying to get my life back on track, trying to figure out what I want to do, how to make even half a living and be less of a burden to those I care about most, how to scrape together money for a vocational school, how to survive if once my insurance runs out in less than a month now in this flaming garbage bin of a bourgeoisie-worshiping country, in the interim while I’m still training/in school & before I have a job? Do I need to dig up emotional bullshit I’ve gone through on the side of all those things that maybe I don’t feel like airing to the masses on the internet? Do I need to bow down and explain that I’ve also been trying really hard to make strides in my art, the thing that makes me a modicum of money on top of the fact that I enjoy it, in part so I can launch an original project that I’m really hoping people will like and might just help me make ends meet - not any time soon, gods know that, but at least in the long run? Do I need to patiently remind you of the global plague that’s been complicating things just a bit recently?

... Do I need to be more specific?

I’m so fucking tired.

But I’m a creator. I can’t stop. I won’t.

Goddammit, it’s in my bones, and I wouldn’t change that for a damn thing, no matter how exhausting it can get; no matter how I struggle with hinging my self-worth on my creative output; no matter how a couple shitty comments or demanding asks can shine a thousand overheated spotlights on those many, many things that the crappiest part of my badly-chemically-balanced brain already likes to whisper barbed reminders of to me.

Seriously...

Most of you... most of you are lovely, and I can’t express my appreciation for you enough. Many of you are outright wonderful - leaving a comment, or sending a nice ask, even though I’m slow to answer sometimes (or outright hoard the asks when they’re just personal encouragement, bc I’m busy trying not to cry).

Those of you that have left encouraging words or just said even a short sentence re: something that you liked about what I created... I wouldn’t be where I am, alive and creating, if not for you sweethearts.

And to you, anon, regarding why I haven’t updated in nearly a year?

The answer is: life happens.

And when I do update - which will hopefully be soon, bc no I haven’t given up on this fic, it won’t be because you, and a handful of others, have left impatient and angry comments or messages, here or elsewhere.

It’ll be in spite of that.

And it’ll be for the sweethearts out there that have been kind in spite of the wait - the wait that, trust me, I hate more than you do.

[ocheeva]

interview tag uwu

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

tagged by @queensbrother even though it’s been A DECADE cass how can u possibly need to get to know me better ily

- nickname: no people just. use my name. except @mishikaiya sometimes. her latest for me is chickadee which is literally the cutest but will it ever be a thing outside the bird trio? doubtful.

- pronouns: she/her

- star sign: probably yeah

- height: 167 cm. i don’t do american numbers.

- time currently: 23:49

- when is your birthday: at some point during the year. this is hidden lore only my mum knows bc she was there (presumably)

- favorite bands/groups: see this is why i’m the worst at this kind of thing because there are always these questions and i. don’t do music. generally. like i have made spotify playlists and shit i just sit down to listen to music approximately three times a year so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- favorite solo artists: well...

- song stuck in your head: this is getting awkward

- last movie watched: wait hold on i need to cry for a second over cass’ last movie being fatal journey... god that fucked me up. nie brothers my beloved. anyway it was I Am Mother. it was okay.

- last show you binged: new girl for the third? fourth? time. i live alone and don’t really have conversations at my job so i keep sitcoms on in the background so i get to hear human voices! yes i’m very emotionally stable how did you know. last show i binged and actually paid attention to was word of honor.

- when you created your blog: this one? 2013. my first one was made in 2009

- last thing you googled: something about han dynasty art because fic research lmao  

- other blogs:  i only actively maintain @qinghe-s atm but i also have @masseffectcaps and a few other fandom sideblogs like @celestecraft which used to be hot shit on mineblr. others are only shared with people i love.

- why you chose your url: the first time i played the elder scrolls iv: oblivion i fell in love w ocheeva SO FAST and she’s still my favourite. i don’t have an argonian kink but if i did it would be because of her. she's sweet and caring AND she’s a skilled assassin?? get you a girl who can do both, damn

- do you get asks: no bc the messaging system exists. my fandom blogs get them on occasion although people favour the messaging system there too

- how many people are you following: 257

- how many followers do you have: like a thousand. my most popular blog has 10k which is insane quite frankly. 

- average hours of sleep: i legitimately do not have an average, it’s either like four or at least twelve

- lucky number: not... really. i like multiples of five bc i have ocd and other numbers are generally uncomfortable. i don’t mind seven fsr (but only as a singular digit. idk, my brain does Not make sense)

- instruments: i played the flute as a kid but i assure you i am the least musical person you’ve ever met

- what I’m currently wearing: black leggings, black top, black sweater. my socks are pink though! fashun

- dream job: i simply do not dream of labour. i enjoy teaching to an extent and working for bethesda would be sick i guess but

- dream trip: svalbard. i’ve wanted to visit china for years (i had a layover at a chinese airport when i went to visit cass in straya and part of me was like YES finally! but it was also miserable bc worst flight of my liiiiife god). legitimate actual dream trip though? a couple of weeks alone in venice. i’ve been once but it was a school trip when i studied architecture in high school (like you do in waldorf schools! pretentious as hell) so my classmates ruined the vibe. i snuck away a lot and made my teacher angry when no one knew where i was but it was worth it. i constantly think about going back and spending hours in the narrow alleys and beautiful churches and sitting outside palazzo ducale and being moved to literal tears over the architecture. ugh.

- favorite food: lamb steak w garlic cloves... also cheese. all the cheese. any kind of cheese.

- favorite song: i thought we went over this

- top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: okay first of all animal crossing OBVIOUSLY. gotta marry tom nook. second... god. star trek because while i will absolutely shit-talk starfleet any day of the week the star trek universe is superior to any other because it has JANEWAY. and also space. and alien ladies. but mainly janeway. i would put so much effort into joining starfleet and being good at my job so i could maybe serve on the same ship as her and make quiet heart eyes if we crossed each other in the corridors. EDIT: lol i got so wrapped up in star trek i forgot about a third huh! obviously i’d want to live in dream valley with the little ponies. the original ponies. i’d hang out with wind whistler and tell her i love her all the time, especially when she uses words the other ponies don’t understand. autistic queen, love of my life, etc. bonus fourth: mass effect. space. biotics! possibly a buff asari girlfriend... or the krogan romance bioware continues to deny me

TAGGING: jesus. okay you know what. i’m picking five people who show up in my notes fairly regularly because we should be friends. so: @filantestar @sidhe-solais @briars-glenn @sarahstreep7 @roddaprime ♡

[sunshinepunches]

CW: mental health talk, mentions of abuse, irl

This blog was put on hiatus at the beginning of February. The intention was so I could spend some time creating works and come back with some (amazing, brilliant, groundbreaking, I wish) content to share with everyone.

To be honest, I have not recovered from the incident which incited the hiatus, and I’m finding my experience in the BNHA fandom is no longer enjoyable. To put it in perspective, I am being medicated for generalised anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder, so for me, although I attend therapy, it is hard for me to get over negative events in my life, however small or insignificant to others they may seem.

Getting involved in fandom for me was an excercise in undoing a lot of damaging abuse done to me from my time at art school. These things were emotional abuse, personal insults, racism and sexism rather than myself or others being sensitive to constructive criticism. So the generally positive reaction to my creative works after sharing has been a first for me.

I find myself at crossroads here, although Shigaraki and BNHA has given me a great deal creatively, I now struggle with a lot of anxiety surrounding it. I want to keep creating work for free consumption as it is a passion of mine, but I find myself facing new mental barriers. I thought some time away from the blog and creating would do me good, however a month later and it doesn’t seem to be the case.

I have pondered a few solutions to my problem, none of which I’m entirely satisfied with.

1. Shutting down this blog would be unfair to people who’ve enjoyed my work and use this blog as an archive.

2. Leaving this blog alone and beginning fresh in a different fandom under a new username has a great appeal for me right now. This could be giving into the avoidance anxiety, but could also be healing. Though, I am afraid this will create a cycle of me making and dumping blogs when the going gets tough. It also makes it hard to build an audience, and although I deny it, it does bring me great joy to see views and interactions my works make.

3. Continue being miserable about it all and saying to myself I’ll make something but I don’t.

4. Overcome the horrible hurdle of posting content again and interacting with people again, and realising it’s not that awful or bad. <- this is where my anxiety struggles with letting me function like a normal human being. This particular option fills me with so much dread I am sweating just thinking about it, haha. But again, it’s really just a part of my disorder filtering reality.

5. Begin creating works for other fandoms under this username. Again just fills me with dread and the desire to simply not exist.

6. I dunno, leave fandom for like 7+ years again, get divorced or some shit and come back here bc here is less bad than real life.

Like I said. I don’t like any of these options. But I want to take a next step which feels true to the things I believe in (accessible content which you can’t find in the mainstream like a bookshop or something). I mean ideally I just feel better and start posting absolute rubbish again I’d love that, we’d all love that. I’ve got so many sketches, so many notes on content I’ve been working on, but my noodles get in a tangle when I try to work on them in a sustained way.

Well, I thought writing this would give me some kind of clarity going forward, but it really hasn’t. What I do know is that I have enjoyed bringing creative works to this space, and that I would like to do it again, but that anxiety stands in the way of it. My body and mind are sometimes just not my own to control lmfao.

Thanks for reading my writing or viewing my art if you ever have. I do notice and that’s very special to me. At the end of the day I don’t feel the need to become popular or make money off my work, but I am still happy when people see my stuff and enjoy it. Or uh, depending on the work are disgusted by it lol.

I think it will take a little while longer for me to figure out the best way forward, but we’ll get there and you can all enjoy my weird shit again unmolested.

[livinginfictions]

Tag/Ask Game

This is a sort of Check-in Tag game thing? I was tagged by @vikingstrash, so thank you dear!

1. Why did you choose your url?

I used to have a different tumblr, and then my sister saw me on it and literally took the mouse and made me follow her own tumblr, and it made me So Immensely uncomfortable, I immediately went and made a whole new blog, and messaged all my mutuals privately to tell them I was moving so my sister wouldn't find out. As I struggled to come up with something more creative than 'time-lady," I remembered one of my mom's favorite sayings, "Reality sucks, live in fiction" and since livinginfiction was taken, my friend (who was helping with the crisis) and I added an 's.' Voila. Seven years later, it's the only username i have online. XD

2. Any side blog?

Three, actually. We've got @merthurismycrack where I reblog Merthur shit, @samspsychicpowers for some SPN stuff, and the side blog that's basically my main blog at this point: @asterekmess which is where all my Teen Wolf and Sterek stuff goes.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Uhhh, I've been on this blog since August of 2014, but my old blog was started in....March 2013. I've been around a fucking while.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

HA. Fuck no. Do I look that organized? Y'all get three hours of spam reblogs, and then I disappear into the aether. How it should be. XD

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

This is essentially the same as I said for question one. Sister found the old blog, and I needed a new one. I tend to make my side blogs for more pointed material, so that my main blog can have like...the amalgamation of general stuff i like, and then I can keep the fandomy content more concentrated into the side blogs.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Originally, I did not have this icon. I had this pic I found online with these Beautiful bronze wings against a black background. But then, around the time I decided I wanted to sort of...simplify things and make my username for my online stuff all the same, with all the same pfp's so that I was easily recognized, etc, I realized that....that picture was not mine. I didn't design it or anything. And i couldn't find its source to ask for permission to use it. And it started making me feel shitty for using it in the first place. So I spent like an hour and a half trying to make my Own Wing pic to use, and failed miserably. As a last ditch effort, i went through my 'artistic' photos on my phone and found this one. I adore sky pics, and cloud pics, etc, so it was super my thing, and I just slapped it on there. Still not sick of it. XD I also went to my side blogs and changed out the pfp's for photos that I'd taken, except the sterek blog, because that one is literally just a black triskelion on a white background, and it's a pretty non-specific thing. I would have used a picture of my Own Tattoo, but it's very hard to get a picture of my back that doesn't have weird lighting, and I'm just too lazy.

7. Why did you choose your header?

All my headers are also photos that I've taken or art pieces that I've made. In the case of this blog, it's a picture I made with a 'galaxy maker' online thingy. I love green. I love blue. Ta dah. In general i just try to find something that gives me the right vibes or has the right color palette to match what it's for. (orange and blue for sterek, trees for merlin, and wings for spn)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

On this blog? I.....just spent two hours digging through all my posts tagged 'personal' bc i wanted the post that I MADE with the most notes...and i have no idea. I mostly respond to other posts, rather than making my own. The highest note count i can find is a post i made abt having friends that aren't in your fandom, which means you can use inspirational quotes to help them through tough times without them realizing ur quoting doctor who or something. 22 notes. *fingerguns* I'm famous, i know.

9. How many mutuals do you have ?

Is...is that a thing i can check?? or do you expect me to hand count??

10. How many followers do you have right now?

Uhghhghghgh, this blog has 439 at the moment, and i'm pretty sure not a lot of those are porn bots, bc i usually screen new followers for it. a lot of them have come over from my sterek blog though.

11. How many people do you follow?

hehe....uh...36.....one of which is my husband....

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't even know what the requirements for something being a 'shitpost' are....but i think no?

EDIT: I Take it Back, I just found a post I made with "Hot Take: PIneapples are an honorary citrus fruit" and I believe that counts? So YES.

13. How often do you use tumblr?

Uh, nearly every day, multiple times a day. Sometimes i forget it exists for a couple days, though. It's my only social media. I dont use twitter or facebook or instagram. I Have Accounts, but I literally dont open those apps more than once a month.

14. Did you have a fight /argument with another  blog ? Who won?

My sterek blog gets in fights more often than it should. XD I'm feisty. And I dunno who wins, i think no one. it's tumblr. there's no real winning or losing.

15. How do feel about “ you need to reblog  this” post?

Oh 90% of the time I'll fucking ignore it on principle. I come to tumblr to enjoy myself and escape. I refuse to guilt the shit out of myself and my followers for not reblogging something deemed Essential. I don't care how deep the topic is or how heavy. Sometimes that's WHY I'm not reblogging it, because I don't want that shit on my blog. The other 10% of the time, I'll go to most recent reblog that Doesn't have the guilty shit on it, and then reblog that.

16. Do you like tag games?

It sounds narcissistic, but I like being tagged in them and doing them. I just Really Really Really hate tagging anyone else.

17. Do you like ask games?

Yup, I think they're fun, though I really don't think anyone wants to know this much about me.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Uhhh...I have no clue. I think...I think I might be the tumblr famous mutual, or at least my sterek blog is....

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yup. My husband.

20. Tagged?

Uh, no one. makes me anxious. XD If someone wants to do it, go ahead and claim i tagged you, i promise no one'll call ur bluff.

[minijenn]

Universe Falls turns 5 years old this week

I was 19 when I started it and still in college, in the throes of depression bc I hated college and wanted out even during the start of my sophomore year. I was homesick and had only a handful of friends bc I was shy as fuck back then and terrified of rejection (and had gone from a small pond back in high school where I was fairly popular to being an absolute nobody in college). I really, really fucking hated it during my freshman year and in particular and begged my dad to let me come home and go to college there instead of thousands of miles away. But for better or worse he made me stick it out even though I was absolutely miserable. But if there was anything that got me through that horrible freshman year it was my discovery of two shows: 

Steven Universe and Gravity Falls

I binged SU first, having seen it when it first aired back in 2013 but then got back on the bandwagon for it around the time its first season ended, which was when I became a devout fan. GF was something I discovered through tumblr, I watched it not long after Not What He Seems premiered and fell in love hard and fast. I would spend hours watching and rewatching these episodes, reading fics and fan theories, speculating on what was going to happen next. Never before in my life had I ever discovered two shows that brought be so much joy and comfort until these two came into my life. I loved these characters, felt like they were the friends I knew I was lacking even though they were fictional. But they felt real, they felt alive to me. 

So fast forward to August/September 2015. I had just started my sophomore year and so far wasn’t having any better of a time than I had when I was a freshman. I still clung onto GF and SU as new, very exciting episodes were airing for both (that was the month we got the Last Mabelcorn and Catch and Release, for reference’s sake). And then, one night, while I was falling asleep in my cramp dorm room I shared with a roommate I couldn’t stand, the thought occurred to me: 

What if you brought these two things you loved so much... together?

It was a random thought, almost insignificant, but in the days that followed, I just couldn’t shake it. And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to see these characters interact, the more I wanted to see their plots intertwine, the more I knew I was the one who had to write this since GF and SU crossovers were pretty scarce back then (unlike they are now in the new wave of SUF and GF crossovers that I don’t much care for). 

I was in the midst of a writing funk at the time, my ongoing Zelda fics all on hitaus while I began a new year at college. I had more or less lost passion for most of them, with the majority of them except my HW fic receiving low numbers of reviews and feedback (back then I didn’t really know how to promote my fics like I do now). Even so, I started planning on this new project, but not without a bit of hesitation since I’d never really worked with GF or SU characters before. But I began plotting out a chapter list (the original UF chapter list has been lost to the ages, I wrote it in an old homework planner during class), and I had decided that I wanted to try my hand at making this thing a comic. A hand drawn comic. And given that my drawing abilities were... subpar at best, yeaaaaah it wasn’t the best idea....

Still, I got through two parts of UF’s “first chapter” and posted them on here (they’re still up somewhere if you wanna go back and cringe hardcore at my bad old art). Still, it had taken me a loooooong ass time to draw them and even more crazy was the fact that my laptop had crashed during that span of time, leaving me with only my shitty iPad to work with. Frustrated, I decided to forego the stupid comic altogether and write the damn thing as a fanfic, knowing I could get chapters out way faster than I ever would have by drawing it. 

So I wrote the prologue and posted it on September 29, 2015. And let’s just say right off the bat people were excited. I’d never seen so many reviews on the first chapter of one of my fics before and those numbers only started to go up the more I posted. I was jazzed up to work on this fic, pushed on by this encouragement as I decided to build my relatively reblogging-heavy blog up around it. Toward the end of the year, when I was nearing the end of arc 1, I decided to get myself a drawing tablet and download Sai so I could begin drawing my own art for the fic, leading to me first passes of character designs and UF’s old fugly cover lol

Still, I kept going with it into 2016, getting through both arcs 2 and 3 as the fic only began to grow more and more with more engagement from its fans. AUs were made, fanfics and fanarts of my fic were created, it was a glorious time to be alive, even going into 2017, 2018, 2019, and now. And all the while I kept at it, coming up with sequel plans, taking breaks every now and then to refresh and recoup, and to give the new pet project I started in 2019 (Keys to the Kingdom) some time to shine. But I’ve still never truly lost passion for UF. It’s something I tend to see through to completion, no matter how long it takes.

Fast forward again and now its 2020. I’m 24 years old and still going strong with it, having just completed RMD, an arc ender that I always hoped would be my magnum opus for this fic (and I’m so incredibly proud of how it turned out). Both GF and SU have ended, their stories both told and their endings inspiring me in so many different ways. And while those stories are over, I still strive to keep these characters, or perhaps, my own unique takes on them, living on to tell new stories, to have new adventures right alongside the canon ones. To keep their flames going in the same spirit and hopefully try to follow, even in some small way, in the footsteps of Rebecca Sugar and Alex Hirsch, two of my absolute heroes in the animation world. 

So UF turns 5 this week. It’s half a decade old and it’s nearing its 100th chapter. Its passed the 1 million word mark quite some time ago and I’m sure it’ll pass 2 million before its all said and done. It’s accumulated thousands of reviews, hundreds of followers/favorites, plenty of incredible fan interactions across the board. It’s 9th arc is about to begin, leading the way into 2 more before its all said and done. And from there it’ll only grow when I eventually write UF2 and UFF sometime way down the line. All things I could have never imagined doing as a lonely college sophomore back in 2015 when I was just starting this fun little experiment off. But as for where we are with it no, well, I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

So here we are in the future. And, well, for UF at least, I’d say it’s pretty bright. 

[thisiskatsblog]

Hi Kat, I'm feeling sad and sort of mad here so I might rant, I'd like to know what you think I don't know if you're gonna post it or answer it to avoid controversy and negativity in your blog but I appreciate you got to read it bc I needed to vent, tysm in advance...

I see so many people hating on Harry because he said "clothes are fun" without "making any social statement about it and that he doesn't recognize his privilege of wearing what he wants cause he's rich and famous" and can I just say that it's because of that same privilege he's so influential and has helped so many queer fans to be who they want to be, he's using his privilege for good and also, I hate when people try to force activism out of everyone...

I understand being critical but activism should be genuine and intentional. It just seems to me that they're people from the q community who had an agenda against him before this interview got released, sometimes it doesn't even seen this is about social justice. I've seen the most cruel and hateful comments wishing for him to be miserable and unsuccessful (that's not happening anytime sooner, honey, go off)...

And they don't really know him, they don't know he does more than waving flags and putting stickers on his guitar, he has donated to non-profits, spent money on queer artists, he protested and signed petitions for BLM, he has helped fans to come out, he does have talked on social issues, they're just looking for a reason to be mad tbh...

He might not get too deeply political because he has stated that politics divide people and that is 100% true. He has INDEED recognized he is privileged on a RS interview and that he just wants to show people he sees them and he's here for them. Everybody does activism in different ways, and Harry's certainly isn't performative, he's not obnoxious about it but he's not tone deaf either, he's self-aware.Honestly, I don't understand what this people want?...

If they see this cis boy speaking on gender issues and gender expression on a Vogue interview and talking about trans/nb/gnc people who are opressed then they may fill Twitter with comments like "he doesn't do anything for us, why is he talking about it? he's not our icon" but if he doesn't do it then he's pandering? Do they want an ally who leads a movement and speaks on issues or an ally who does acts of service for the movement and doesn't speak for it? I don't understand, idk if I will..

Finally, no one should be a certain sexuality to be allowed to break gender roles, yes, straight people do have privilege even when they dress androgynous but they shouldn't be cancelled for that...

Now, entering hypothetical (basically confirmed) field, can we talk about how problematic is accusing a closeted person of pandering? If someone have ever told artists like Bowie or Mercury to "stop profiting of queer people" while they weren't out in the public eye, then no one would have paved the way for other men to express themselves, break toxic masculinity and help other gender non-conforming kids. Kids like Janelle Monaé, Billy Porter, Lil Nas, P!nk, Sam Smith and yes, Harry Styles.

(that was the end of my rant btw, it was like 8 asks, I think, hope nothing got lost, sorry for the length but this people literally want Harry to fail because of freaking wearing a skirt and not getting too political about it and I was certainly not having it)

----------------------- Hi anon,

They all arrived! 

I’m glad it helps you just to be able to vent, without expecting to be published, so anyone who needs a vent: do feel free to use the service of my inbox 😊

I will publish because I think you are making a few interesting points.

It’s true that Harry can do the things he does because he is privileged – and I completely agree with you that it’s a good thing he is using that privilege to the fullest and thereby changes things for the better for other queer people.

On the other hand, I do understand the frustration of queer people who are less privileged when they wish he would recognize that privilege. It isn’t true that in this day and age anyone can dress the way Harry does on the cover of Vogue, and it could make his “statement”, which in itself is positive for queer people, all the more powerful if he recognized it and expressed his wish for that to change. To me, it’s a question of gradation. Wearing a ruffled dress is really good and changes lives; saying that you wish everyone had the freedom to wear that dress in the way you now have that freedom is even better and raises awareness of intersectionality (when you are LGBTQ and poor, being LGBTQ is more difficult than when you are LGBTQ and rich).

I don’t think Harry is the kind of person you’d need to force activism out of, I do see him as someone who has been activist as well as political on many occasions. Maybe not as political and activist as I’d like him to be, maybe not in the way I would be in his position, but definitely committed to the same causes that I find important, and not afraid of using the position he has to influence when he feels comfortable to do so. I wish he’d been more vocal on a great number of occasions, but I agree with you in that you cannot look at your idols in music and simply expect them to be fervent and perfect political activists. Art can be activist, but it doesn’t have to be, you cannot expect it to be.

Furthermore, I think Harry definitely has some privilege that he’s shown to be unaware of, and I’ve also seen him take things in, learn, change his position (see the RS interview you also mention), and become more vocal politically. In other words: Harry is human.

I have not seen the criticism you are talking about, and it seems there have been various different ones, so I won’t be going into them, some seem more valid, others are not. In any case I would be very hesitant to put it all aside as “queer people who had an agenda against him” or “they’re just looking for a reason to get mad”. That thinking may put you at ease, and stay on your side of things, but it won’t help the conversation. I think it’s important when you’re on two sides of an argument, to try and understand where the unmet need is on the “other” side.

Since I haven’t seen the original arguments, I am not completely clear on this – but it seems that the common thread in your understanding of the criticism he receives is that Harry’s ambiguous identity (while having amply suggested he may be not cis/straight, he hasn’t been straightforward about it) makes it possible for people to criticize him both ways.

I agree with you that you do not need to be queer to be allowed to break gender norms, and that closeted people should not be criticized for breaking gender norms and paving the way, to come out themselves, and for others. But I do see where the frustration on the other side comes from – I don’t think it’s necessarily evil willed towards Harry. What I see, a strong wish and urgent need to have out and proud role models who do these things; and – guessing that a lot of the people criticizing him suspect he is indeed closeted – an enormous frustration that closeting still happens, and about the mixed messages Harry, as a role model, may implicitly gives to queer kids in this way. It’s okay to dress outrageously and challenge norms but it’s not okay to be explicit about your identity and orientation, do keep that vague. I personally feel extremely frustrated about that, even if I also believe this is outside Harry’s will.

“We don’t talk enough, we should open up, before it’s all too much…”

Anyway, long story short anon: I get you. And I think I get the other side too. In the end we all choose whether we want to see the glass as half full or half empty. And I’m siding with you that it’s half full, and with the critics that I wish it were completely full, but then again with you that you cannot really fault Harry for that not (yet) being the case... But it’s okay for it to be said: I wish the glass were full.

[chenoehi]

1, 10, 17, 18, 44, 49 for the bts asks!!💕

👋👋👋 Thank you for these questions! They made me think lol (also you're an MVP for always keeping up with me when I live blog performances 😭)

FUN BTS ASKS <-

1. How and when did you get into BTS?

This is the shorter version bc I'm working on a personal post about this actually:

When: Last week of October 2018 in Orlando, Florida, where I was 'vacationing' while also working and basically having one of the most miserable, low weeks of my life.

How: I'd known about them since at least 2017 and watched them perform at the AMAs from afar, I listened to DNA after that, the song didn't grab me (it still doesn't 😭), and for a while I was seeing BTS content come across my tl, specifically Jimin content and he became my recruitment fairy, but the day LY in Paris had also happened recently and jikook decided to do them and all of a sudden a blog I followed spammed my tl with the jikook lap incident. At that point I'd seen BTS trending on tumblr tons of times and I saw them trending for the Waste it On Me teasers. I got interested and I listened to it when it came out but I was totally confused bc they were singing in English. So that led to me watching the classic YouTube "Who Are BTS?" videos which led me to watch one video that tested your knowledge of their voices and played clips for you to guess, and that led to my absolute obsession with Let Me Know which led to a mini breakdown when I couldn't find the song on Spotify so I listened to every. damn. song. starting. from. love yourself. Until I realized I could just Google the English lyrics and find the song that way. And then the Muster DVD content came out or was circulating literally at the same time so I got to see all the nice KM content and yeah, I basically just got hooked over the course of my week in Orlando, I walked around Disney Springs blasting Anpanman in my headphones, worked all through the night with Magic Shop, slept with my headphones on and The Tturh Untold in my ears, all because they're crackheads I love and not to be dramatic and shit but they kind of saved me when I was drowning.

10. Your favorite cover of BTS? (Doesn’t matter if it’s one of Jungkook, Taehyung, Jin, etc.)

I guess this means covers of BTS songs that other artists have done right? I really don't listen to many covers of BTS except sometimes I listen to piano versions on SoundCloud. I do listen to a cover of "The Truth Untold" by Emma Heesters on Spotify. It's probably not the best cover but I just haven't really sought out any others. .

17. Whose fashion style do you like the most?

Hmm. Well, Jimin is our pretty boy and I do always like seeing what he's wearing, I love Hoseok's style, I feel like Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi are more ambiguous, and I like Taehyung's unique style.

But, it's JK. Big. Black. Comfy.

18. Which member matches with your personality the most?

Yoongi/Namjoon/Taehyung

I'm like Yoongi in the sense that neither of us tend to be the most outgoing or life of the party, he can be very quiet when he wants to be and he's pretty laid back in general. We also both like to sleep a lot, and I don't think Yoongi has a black and white view of the world, or at least that's the impression I get. So I'd gather he's one of the least judgmental among them. I also connect to his mental health struggles.

I'm like Namjoon in the sense that we both love nature, trees, and although I don't have immediate access to parks, museums, things like that, if I did I'd be on a bike roaming around or walking or going to see cultural events and all that good stuff. Alas I am not. I also think we have similar ways of thinking with regard to life. I specifically connect to his mental health struggles similar to Yoongi, although I believe Namjoon has dealt with and still deals with things more in line to what my experience is like, but with different contexts of course.

Taehyung. Sweet child. He was the member I connected to the least really just up until these past few months. But the truth is I may be more like Taehyung behavior wise than any of the others. I've caught myself lately watching him say or do things and saying to myself "Taehyung is me I am Taehyung." It's honestly scary sometimes. One time I was watching BTS play this quiz to see what member they were (which lol) and I found a lot of my answers aligning with his. I think coming from a background of farmers and from things I've seen he likes nature as well and like Namjoon he's a lover of art. He also has a habit of wearing less expensive clothes and making them look nice; I lol'd when I saw that he'd been buying inexpensive women's blouses marketed to women around 40 or so 😭 He just has a unique style and while I wouldn't say that I dress like him exactly I do sometimes gravitate to more old school styles. I also wear clothes for the opposite gender a lot.

44. If you were given the chance to say one sentence to all of them, what would you tell them?

To JIMIN: Jimin, you do have jams.

To JK: What was tasty in Busan?

To HOSEOK: What did JK text you on your last day in Malta?

OK OK time to get serious

To JK: Be confident in yourself because you are a wizard, our smart Ravenclaw, and you can accomplish anything you put your mind to; your 50% effort blows away everyone else's 100%.

To JIMIN: I think the way you sing is healing and I think you know best what works for your unique voice.

To HOSEOK: You are a son your parents can be proud of, and you should be very proud and confident in yourself because you're perfect.

To YOONGI: Please never stop writing songs about things that matter because people care and we want to hear your voice.

To SEOKJIN: "Tonight" is one of my favorite songs. You should feel happy with how you honored your pets.

To TAEHYUNG: Your grandmother would be very proud of you if she could see you.

To NAMJOON: Thank you for being the gravity holding our galaxies together.

49. What kind of concept would you like to see in the future?

Hmmm. They've done so much already. . I think it would be interesting to explore the route of Dionysus a little more, maybe a little more similar to their earlier styles with heavier rap parts, maybe an infusion of rock? I'm seeing a lot of hip hop lately that's been inspired by rock so that would be interesting. Or they could do something else and maybe infuse some EDM tracks? I know what they've done lately is more pop but I think they've only touched on EDM.

As for concepts. . I don't really know what to add?? They've done light, dark, PINK, youthful, school, soft, grrr, . . . Maybe something mature like a look more in line with MOTS: vol. 2 & 3? Those were more serious like Tear but instead they could go more toward vol. 2 and come out with like evening wear, suits (fitted), or ugh more pajama wear my god, and looks similar to what they did for SY tour Singularity and Fake Love performances? I'd love to see Hoseok in another red suit like his Final Just Dance stage . . Yes.

.

Hope you liked this 💜

[shaymiens]

writing as a coping mechanism? you do that? (feel free to ignore this ask if you dont actualy wanna talk abt it)

dude 100%. i’m glad you asked bc now i actually have an excuse to talk about this 😳

i touched upon this topic veeery briefly, a long time ago, but basically one of the ways i cope with negative emotions and experiences is by writing really dark fics with bittersweet endings. stuff about death and injuries and... uhhh... just general self-destruction? and of course writing about that stuff hurts but it also serves as the greatest validation. allow me to explain (though this stuff is sorta dark, so don’t keep reading if you’re not in the right mindspace).

most of these dark writing pieces follow a general format: good times, betrayal/abandonment, disaster, damage control. “disaster” is sometimes death. and “damage control” is usually regret of the betrayer.

torturing characters in my writing doesn’t make me happy. in fact, i get sort of uncomfortable when i scroll through the whump tag and see someone getting too excited about torture, lmao. but putting certain characters through the wringer assures me of four things -- that i’m not alone, that i shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling bad, that it’s not my fault that bad things are happening to me, and that people ultimately care about my well being. the last point is an important one, when you tie it back to regret.

because although it sounds twisted, when you’re at the end of your rope, sometimes you just need the power that comes with knowing that the person who wronged you would be miserable without you. that knowledge doesn’t mean you still ought to forgive them, or stay with them, or endure their horrible ways. it solely means that you have the same impact on people who had an impact on you. it means you aren’t completely powerless in this situation. and every time i write a whumpy story, not only do i release some of that nervous/negative energy in the form of art, but i get to remind myself of my silent power. it’s incredibly therapeutic. and a lot easier than confronting the people who hurt me, lol.

i have so so SO much writing like this, and i’ve been writing it for years. probably ever since middle school (i’m a sophomore in college now). even my elementary school fiction has hints of whump of it, funnily enough. sometimes i consider sharing it, bc some of my favorite pieces are whump pieces, but they can be too personal to share sometimes, and also......... writing shipfic about real people is strange enough on its own, but writing whumpfic about real people??? SUPER strange. almost creepy. like, ao3 doesn’t have to know how many times i’ve written ian hecox in some near-fatal accident sdflkjsdlksjd,,,

welp. thanks for letting me talk about this for a while i guess. my whump blog is @whumpsters. i don’t update it very often, but it’s there if you’re interested. it’s weird. brains are weird. okay bye!