#bc i've been trying to be more normal and it led to a lot of complications

[siderealsandman]

just finished reading mending warped designs and im so sorry bc you probably heart this a lot so i mean it in the most respectful way possible but... are you abandoning that fic? 😭 or are you just on an undefinite hiatus?

i NEVER read fics that are unfinished, but after finishing T&C, i simply HAD to venture into that alley. and im not disappointed. as much as i hate angst, your writing and world builiding is simply miraculous, for lack of a better word. the work you've done is a masterpiece, and i mean it. might be the best work of fiction ive ever read. it would be a real shame to abandon it, but i understand if you have things that are more important :) your health and happiness should be your utmost priority ❤️

that being said, i really do hope you choose to continue writing it. masterpieces don't just appear, they take a lot of work and dedication and im so, SO glad you took the time to put in the effort to create something so beautiful.

best of wishes xx

Thank you so much! I appreciate all the love and feedback I've gotten on my ML fics over the years.

With Miraculous I feel like I kinda grew out of the setting/fandom (doesn't help that most of my friends I met in it moved on) but overall T&C came from a place of frustration with canon I no longer feel. That and MWD had me with the worst case of writer's block that I resolved by writing something else (two something else's).

I have the last scene of MWD written but need to put together the connective tissue which I find it hard to get in a headspace to write. When I have time to write, I typically want to tend to The Games of Divinity or Devil Summoner: Akechi Goro. I do plan on finishing it...but can't promise when.

If you're interested, however, I do have the final scene below

Context: Marinette and Adrien are at a party with the rest of the heroes when Dr. Oliver attacks again, leading the pair of them to leave and take down their enemy while Team Paris rests.

Despite the crowds of people fleeing for their safety, Marinette was in a better mood than she had been in for a long time. 

"Now this feels familiar," Adrien mused, tugging Marinette out of the way of a pack of panicked tourists. "Everybody in their right minds is running away from danger, and here we are running towards it." 

"Must be something wrong with us," Marinette chuckled. 

"Of course there is," Adrien said, tugging her into an empty cafe. "If we were normal, we wouldn't have volunteered." 

Two flashes of light later and Ladybug led her partner out the other entrance and onto the rapidly emptying street. "I wonder what the venn diagram of lunatics and superheros looks like." 

"It's basically a circle," Chat Noir said as some of the people fleeing for their lives slowed down to take a picture.

"Go get em Ladybug!" One person yelled as they ran to safety. 

"Kick his ass Ladybug!" 

"Good to see you're back Ladybug!" 

"Oh my god Ladybug!" 

"Ladybug, can I have your number-" 

"Hey, you know what's cooler than Ladybug? Not being destroyed by dinosaurs; get to safety before someone T-Wrecks you," Chat Noir said, shooing a small crowd of pedestrians towards a bunker. "Go on, get! Jeez, you need to have a word with your fan club about personal safety." 

"Don't tell me you're jealous of all the attention I'm getting," Ladybug chuckled. 

"I've spent the last four years deliberately trying to avoid attention," Chat Noir sniffed. "Besides, Paris is kinda slow to forget; I'm sure most of these people still think I was up to something fishy with Hawky." 

"I get the crowds of screaming fans, you get all the superhero clout," Ladybug said, awkwardly waving at a crowd of passing tourists all delaying their escape to snap pictures of the newly returned heroes. "Somehow I think you got the better deal." 

"Now who's jealous?" Chat Noir asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "They'll come around…I'll make sure of it." 

Ladybug nodded, noticing the furtive glances sent Chat Noir's direction. "Yeah…ditto." 

Ladybug stopped in the middle of the street, watching Chat Noir's back as he stepped past her. "Hey…are you sure about this?" 

"What, running solo against a guy with some lab-grown dinosaurs?" Chat Noir chuckled. "What's there to worry about?" 

"No, I meant…" Ladybug trailed off with a shake of her head. "Forget it." 

"I know what you meant," Chat Noir said, glancing over his shoulder. Somehow, the spectral eye that looked her over didn't seem as threatening as it used to be. There were glimmers of Adrien, her Adrien, under the overwhelming mantle of Chat Noir. Enough for Ladybug to latch on to as he smiled. 

"I'm here because I want to be," Chat Noir said, turning around and leaning on his staff. "Because I want to try…I don't need to be sure about anything else." 

That doesn't scare you? Ladybug thought. 

Who says it doesn't? Chat Noir thought back with a wink. "You should spend a little less brain power worrying about me, Ladybug; we're gonna need those smarts to send these creeps back to the Jurassic period." 

"I thought I'd let you take the lead on this one," Ladybug said, falling back into step beside Chat Noir. "Give you a chance to flex your own brainpower." 

"And I thought I told you I have one strategy," Chat Noir said. "Everything else is just tactics. Besides, what is the correct strategy to deal with a man who has living fossils at his beck and-" 

A pterodactyl shaped drone swooped low overhead, launching an electromagnetic rocket at the door of a nearby bank and blowing it clean off its hinges. 

"Wait…those are the dinosaurs we're supposed to be fighting?!" Chat Noir huffed, glaring at the drone as it zipped away. 

"Yyyyyeah?" Ladybug said. "What's wrong?" 

"They're…they're robots!" Chat Noir said. "Just…just some stupid robots!"

 "What did you think he had actual dinosaurs for us to-" Ladybug stopped short as she saw the almost heartbroken look on Chat Noir's face. "Oh…oh my god, you actually thought we were fighting real dinosaurs?!" 

"I've seen weirder stuff than that!" Chat Noir said, huffing as Ladybug doubled over, clutching her stomach as uncontrollable peals of laughter echoed off the mostly empty street. "I was told this was a professor who uses dinosaurs to rob banks but apparently he's just a nerd with a Transformers fetish!" 

"Oh…Oh, I'm sorry, is this beneath you?" Ladybug laughed. "What, you fight dragons for a couple of years and suddenly you're too good for robot dinosaurs?" 

"I'm the apex predator; not some…some…ugh, I'm so disappointed I can't even metaphor correctly!" Chat Noir growled. 

"His Majesty only deigns to sully his little kitty paws with real monsters, thank you very much," Ladybug wheezed. "Theeeeee Apex Predator needs worthwhile prey; none of this toy-aisle garbage."

"Shut up," Chat Noir laughed, completely oblivious to the dinobot stomping down the street behind him until the hot gust of steam from its nostrils washed over the back of his head. Something about the way Ladybug laughed had a funny habit of making him forget the kind of danger he was in, even after so much time apart. 

"No, don't even bother!" Chat Noir said, ignoring the robotic snarl that came from the dinobot. "It's ruined! This whole day is totally ruined! I thought we were going up against someone worth our time but all we got is a model kit builder and his army of toys!"

"Hey!" A booming voice shouted as a large pterodactyl drone descended, powered by hovering jets that only seemed to piss Chat Noir off more. The top opened and out stepped an equally angry looking professor in a black lab coat and goggles. 

"And I'm guessing that's our target," Ladybug said, flicking the gigantic T-Rex in the nose as it leaned in closer to her and leaving a divot in the machine's steel frame. 

"Who dares question the paleontological engineering genius of-" Dr. Oliver stopped as he spotted Chat Noir. "...Chat Noir?" 

"No, I'm a very disappointed kitty who wanted to chase lizards today," Chat Noir said. 

"And…" Dr. Oliver pointed at Ladybug. "Wait, when did you get back?" 

"Three days ago; haven't you heard?" Ladybug said, bumping her shoulder into Chat Noir's. 

"I was in jail on bank robbing charges," Dr. Oliver said. "They only played football and reruns of terrible BBC baking shows." 

"Well, here's the only news story you need," Ladybug said. "Ladybug and Chat Noir are back in Paris." 

"And more than ready to stick our Little-foots up your tin can tailpipe, you tacky old veloci-loser!" Chat Noir spat, cracking his knuckles. "Get my hopes up, will you…" 

"You got your hopes up," Ladybug pointed. 

"And I'm taking it out on him!" Chat Noir said, brandishing his baton in the perturbed professor's face. "Come out of the Zord with your hands in the air and I'll see if we can get you some Land Before Time DVD's to entertain you in prison." 

"But…how?!" Dr. Oliver stammered. "How are you…I-I thought you two were finished!" 

"We were, but…" Ladybug spared a smile for her partner. "Life…finds a way." 

The hiss of dozens of whirring servos drew her attention to the small pack of robotic velociraptors that closed in around them. At the far end of the street, a large mechanical triceratops angled three cannons in their direction while a small pack of pterodactyl drones whirred overhead. 

"So…little guys are worth one point?" 

"Big suckers are at least five," Ladybug agreed. 

"And the big guy has to be a dime," Chat Noir said, teeth flashing as he snapped his staff out to full length. "No cheating now." 

"I trust you'll keep me honest," Ladybug said, springing into the air alongside her partner. They hung for a moment in mid air, suspended above the encroaching crowd of mechanical monsters, before diving like twin falling stars into the melee, back to back as it always should have been. 

[juicefield]

Meyp Skxawng - Neteyam X Avatar!Reader Part 4

A/N: My apologies for not updating the fic in so long, I was sick with some type of stomach bug and then had a really hectic week. I've also been suffering from writers block, so if this isn't up to par I apologize! Just been struggling with writing lately. Also I'm not sure if this was obvious but when reader is with the Sully siblings (besides Neteyam) she is speaking English, and that's why she talks a lot more casually then with others (not just bc she is more comfortable around them). As per usual feedback is appreciated! Also if you find any mistakes comment them down below or message me.

You can find the other parts here:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Although the writing in this fanfiction is my own, I do not claim any  ownership of Avatar, Avatar: The Way of Water, or any of the subsequent medias. All rights go to James Cameron and the producers. 

Synopsis: After a few week in your new body the Sully kids and Spider take you out into the forest for the first time.

Neteyam X Fem!Avatar!Reader 6.8k 1st person POV

Y’know, Jake was right when he said that eventually everything becomes backwards when you have an avatar. Like out there is the real world and in here is the dream. I’ve only had this body for a few weeks and I already feel my sense of reality slipping from me. Time becomes blurred, days simultaneously feeling too short and too long at the same time. Every day I feel more and more like I belong out there, in the forest, and not here in the lab with Norm and Max. The first week was difficult, my new body weak and feet too pliant for the harsh peat of the forest floor. But, slowly, day by day I feel the calluses building and my muscles will themselves to go a little further. 

With the Sully children it's learn fast or be left in the dust. Hell, the first time I went to the forest with them I almost died. We had decided to take my first trip out, well actually out and not close to the cave entrance. Lo’ak led the charge and set out at breakneck speed and before long I was left behind with Kiri. Spider, Tuk, and him paid no mind as we disappeared from their view. Walking slowly, we were enjoying the forest's feast for the senses and Kiri turned to me with a strange expression.

“Why are you walking so slowly? You were faster on your first day.” She says, fixing me with a pointed look, even though she was clearly walking slower than me.

“Well it is a lot harder out here! I’m not exactly used to climbing giant tree roots and dodging excessively large plants.” I whine, annoyed that she dared to point out my slow speed. Stopping suddenly she spins around to point at me dramatically.

“Ah! Ah ah,” She tutted with a wag of her pointer finger, “you told me you were going to make the most of this opportunity. Taw, you are stronger than you think. If you want to thrive in this body, you must trust it. You have always been stronger than you think.”

While normally her words would have been extremely comforting I’m still sore about her comparison to my past self so I look to the side, pouting and refusing to answer. This only served to make her angry, which she quickly demonstrates by pulling harshly on my tail. Yelping in pain I open my mouth to respond before her fierce eyes train on me, quieting any verbal retaliation that I was hoping to attempt.

“(Y/N). Your spirit is very strong, and that is the most important part of someone. You have always been strong, despite your problems, and you need to realize that your outside now has that same strength. Trust your body. Here.” Kiri comes up behind me to place her hand on my stomach.

“Breathe. Feel the muscle, the bone. Feel its strength.” She instructs as I do as she says. Taking a deep breath I try to tune out the rest of the forest, turning my focus onto the muscles in my stomach. I feel tension rise in my abdominal muscles when she presses harder to illustrate her point. She gently removes her hand to grab mine and place it over my chest.

“Now, feel the heart beating here. Notice the sounds it makes. Your spirit lives here, and she is very strong. Feel how the strength starts there and flows down the rest of the body.” I gasp softly when my hand makes contact with the warm skin of my chest. I am surprised by the thunderous beat I feel below even through bone. It feels like the drum the people use for the many rituals and parties that take place in high camp. The beat of my heart reverberates through muscle and bone the way the air vibrates around the drum, taking the energy of the drum all the way to my little room in the lab. So too does this heart take this blood to my legs, imbuing them with life and power. As I focus on the beat I can start to hear it too, a distant thump in the blood of my ears. I don’t stop listening to its sweet rhythm until I am interrupted by Kiri nudging my arm. 

“Sit with me. I want to teach you something.” She commands me and points to a cleared area next to the tree we are standing on. I hesitate but ultimately decide to obey, sitting down on the soft moss and blades of grass that litter the forest floor.  Fixing me again with her intense stare she places her hands on her crossed legs and I mirror her.

“Oel ngati kameie. Do you understand what that means?” Kiri prompts and I almost roll my eyes. Of course I know what that means, I’ve literally heard it throughout my entire life, despite it never being directed at me.

“I see you. Yes, Kiri. It’s the most common phrase in the whole language, so uh- yeah.” I respond and look away from her eyes for a moment of reprieve from what I am starting to suspect is a lecture on ‘seeing’ myself.

“No. Wrong. Seeing is not looking. You do not understand because you do not see.” She says and flicks me between my eyes.

“Ow. Why are you flicking me? Of course I can see.” I whine and press two fingers over the spot she assaulted, massaging gently. She has had so many years of practicing her flicks on her brothers that her fingers are practically a deadly weapon at this point. I know that she doesn’t mean see like that, but I’m still irritated enough that I don’t want to give her what she wants. She hisses slightly and I can see the frustration on her face so I refocus and decide to actually listen to what she has to say.

“Taw. Seeing is not done with your eyes, it is done with your spirit. To see someone is to let go of the previous experiences you have had and to let them wash over you anew. When I say I see you, I mean the part of Eywa in me sees the Eywa in you. I see into you, your spirit and your kindness and I see the way we are connected. I see into you. I saw you when no one else did, and that is what I am asking you to do now. Do not see the forest as a dangerous place, see it as it is. It is the most wondrous creation of Eywa, and you are now a part of it. If you want to find a place in the clan, you must learn to let go of what has happened to you. You must also see your new self, to trust yourself as well as the forest. Do you understand?” Kiri finished the explanation with a gentle touch of her hand on my own. 

“I know but, Kiri, I’m not a part of this forest and I never have been. I can’t see because I am not a child of Eywa like you. I’m afraid there is no Eywa in me.” I speak my fear that I had been holding in since I took my first few steps in this body. The fear that I would be unable to connect with the world around me, despite aching deeply for a connection.

“Oh, (Y/N), you have always been one of Eywa’s children. You were born on this moon just like everyone else and Eywa’s heart beats in you as well. In fact, I feel that you may be closer to her than even some Na’vi I know.” Kiri comforts me in a soft whispering voice, looking into my eyes with tender sympathy.

“How? I can’t connect with her, I can’t visit the tree of souls, or even pray to her without feeling dirty and shameful.” I lament, shrugging my shoulders to try and hide how strongly the thought makes me feel.

“(Y/N), you don’t need those things to be connected with the Great Mother. I cannot explain it, I just feel her in you. Ever since you have been in this new body I have sensed that she grows closer to you everyday.” Kiri answers vaguely. I try to get her to explain, or at least to try to find words for what she feels but we are interrupted by the sounds of a branch snapping about twenty feet away from us. 

Kiri is immediately at high alert and brings a finger up to her lips to silence my many questions. My ear twitches at the sharp sound and I scramble up as silently as possible. Kiri nods toward a tree to our right and we both huddle behind it, looking around the trunk to where the stick had snapped. The hairs on the back of my neck start to stand when I see foliage rustingling in a way that looks like something is almost slithering through. Immediately I am sure it is a predator, I can tell by the way that the leaves shake that whatever is behind them is stalking us. Any prey animal would have run already, so we can rule out a yerik. Kiri is watching from the other side of the tree, gripping my forearm tightly with one hand and the other grips her hunting knife. We are almost stuck in place while the rustling comes closer, still skillfully hidden by the thick foliage. I can’t help the gasp that leaves my throat when a pair of yellow eyes locks with mine. 

“Nantang.” Kiri mutters as the viperwolf begins slowly moving forward, revealing it's hexapedal limbs one by one as it climbs over the stump it was standing on. I try to look away from the intense eyes but an invisible force causes me to stay rooted down. I am still staring at it when two other pairs of eyes join the first, causing Kiri to start pulling on my arm.

“They are out in the daytime… run! We must run, (Y/N)!” It takes only a moment before I am snapped out of my stupor and I take off after Kiri. The wind whips past my face as I jump over roots and plant, scrambling to catch up with Kiri. This causes the biggest one in the middle to come rushing after us, using its extra forelimbs to grapple over the ground around us. The wind is knocked out of me as the largest one slams into my back, its mouth wrapped around my tail yanking me to a stop and onto the forest floor. The next few moments are a blur as I wrestle with it, forcing my arm up under its throat to keep it from biting my face off. Kiri heard the sound I made when I went down and whips around, she shouts something but I can't hear her as the adrenaline has the blood pumping loudly in my ears.

Vaguely I register her calling out for Lo’ak as I wrestle with the largest of the viperwolves, its teeth sink into the flesh of my forearm and I cry out in pain as we roll over and over again. The other two viperwolves circle me and their packmate while Kiri yells something at me in Na’vi, but in my preoccupied state I can barely even  understand English. Eventually she yells one word in English. Catch.

She throws the knife towards me and it lands a few feet away. I use the arm that isn’t clamped between the viperwolves jaws like a vice grip to try to reach it. I stretch as far as I can go and my fingers only push it farther away from me. I strain against its gleaming fangs, which causes the flesh on my arm to tear slightly, but allows me to finally reach the knife. Gripping onto the leather handle I face the viperwolf. It releases my arm when my eyes meet its piercing amber eyes. The muscles on its face ripple as it lets out a loud snarl, fast as lightning it lunges toward my throat and my instincts kick in, sinking the knife up into the dip of its throat. It falls only a few inches from my throat and it thrashes a few times, horrific wet gurgling sounds leave its throat as I push it off of me. 

One of its packmates lunges towards me in retaliation, running on pure adrenaline I kick it squarely in its torso but before I have the chance to attack again with the knife now firmly in my grip an arrow whizzes past my face, landing in the torso of the poor animal. My gaze traces the arrows path and I spot Lo’ak between the trees. 

“Lo’ak!” Kiri shouts, and he readies his bow with another arrow, aiming it at the last viperwolf but it runs off after looking at its dead and wounded packmates. Lo’ak drops his bow to his side and runs forward toward us with Tuk chasing his heels. Spider follows a few feet away grabbing Lo’ak’s bow and calling out my name when he notices the crimson blood flowing down and pooling in several distinct spots around my feet.

“TawTaw are you okay?” Tuk says worriedly, rushing to my side and grabbing my injured arm. I wince and make a noise of pain when she grabs onto a part of the open gashes. She apologizes quickly and lets go, allowing me to hold the arm up to her.

“Yes, TukTuk I’m fine. It will scar, but nothing major.” I answer, my voice softer than I expect. Spider crowds around me and pulls my arm to him to examine it for a moment. He and Tuk ask a couple more times if I’m okay while I reassure them while her two siblings fuss in the background. Once he is sure that I’m okay he tries to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, Tuk. That’ll be like the coolest scar ever, right? Badass!” He says in an attempt to reassure her, placing a comforting hand on both our shoulders. I agree quickly and try to put a smile on my face to appease her. Before she can agree or disagree Lo’ak is storming over to us with an intense look of concern on his face. His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is in a downturned scowl when he opens it to speak.

“(Y/N). Are you okay? You need grandmother.” Lo’ak says, in a tone that's honestly more serious than I have ever heard him use.

“I can treat her, Lo’ak, like I said. She will be okay, many have suffered far worse.” Kiri assures him, placing a hand on his arm to calm him down.

“No! Grandmother needs to see her.” Lo’ak argues, eyes still wild with fear. I've never seen him look so scared before, and I saw the look on his face when he accidentally stuck Kiri with a poisoned arrow when they were just thirteen. He was really scared to go home after that, even though it was easily reversed with the help of Mo’at. I stand up, wobbling only slightly from my lightheadedness from my lack of adrenaline and the loss of blood. I  reach out to nudge his shoulder and he whips around to face me. Looking into his face he seems even more freaked out than I am at the moment. 

“Lo’ak I’m okay. Look I’m barely even bleeding, it will heal easily. And… thank you for protecting me.” I try to convey this while looking into his eyes. After I say this his ears droop and I can practically see the adrenaline leave his body. Again he surprises me with a fiercely protective hug, grasping onto my neck to avoid my hurt arm. I can feel his heart beating next to mine as I raise my arms to embrace him, enjoying one of his rare hugs.

“Okay. But, I still want you to see Grandmother. It’s not that I don’t trust Kiri to treat you, I just…” He whispers, trailing off as he lets go of my shoulders. Reluctantly I agree, knowing how hard headed he can be he will not let it go. Usually that would be just fine, but I didn’t really want the famed tsahik to know about how I almost got us killed by being dramatic about my new body. Tuk takes our embrace to mean it's time for hugs and practically jumps on me after he steps aside, carefully making sure to avoid my left arm. Silently I send thanks to Eywa for sparing my right arm, which is my dominant.

“We heard growling and Kiri yelling bad words. I was so worried.” She laments, squishing her face into my abdomen. Kiri steps back into the conversation, having sent the animals off to Eywa with a prayer with Spider trailing her like a much smaller shadow.

“We will head back. Grandmother will want to know what happened.” Kiri says, sheathing her knife back into its holster after wiping the blood of the creatures on a cloth. I can see Tuk visibly droop at this, obviously upset to miss out on a day of swimming and fun instead of the usual chores and training.

“No, Kiri, you go have fun with Tuk and Spider. Me and Lo’ak will go back. You rarely get time off, please enjoy it.” I insist and it takes a few more back and forths of arguing until Kiri relents and takes them to the intended destination, but not before rolling her eyes with a big fat dramatic sigh. While I had said the reason was because of Tuk and Kiri’s non-existent work-life balance, I really just wanted to talk to Lo’ak. He still seems shaken up from the attack and I want to address his worries in privacy away from his sisters and Spider, who would definitely tease him for caring so much about me. They have always thought it funny to tease him and imply that he cared for me more than a friend. I know that it would only make him more upset, causing him to retreat back into his tough guy shell. He needs a more gentle touch than any of the three can possibly provide him. While Lo’ak feigns being a macho unfeeling warrior he is really a sensitive soul. The trip back is silent and he jerks his head around at the slightest sounds, his body is rigid with tension like he expects something to jump out at us. 

“Lo’ak,” I start softly, placing a hand on his back and wincing when he jumps slightly. “Are you okay? We’re okay now. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.” He responds curtly, refusing to look back at me. I sigh and shift my hand up to his shoulder, grasping softly causing him to stop dead in his tracks. 

“Lo’ak, c’mon, you know that I know you better than that.” I mumble softly and he finally looks back at me. I see a surprising amount of pain swimming in the depths of his eyes and his face sears itself into my eyes. With eyebrows drooping and his ears bending at and ears drooping lowly he responds.

“You could have died, (Y/N). If I wasn’t there you could have died. What would I have done if you had died on my watch? You have always been the only person in my life I knew was safe. The only person that I knew I could count on to come back to, the only one that this world couldn’t take. Now that you have this new body that isn’t a guarantee anymore and that… scares me.” He admits, looking away in shame at his words. My eyes sting as I realize what this is really about. My voice wobbles with emotion and my eyes grow misty as I try to respond to his words, struggling to find words that would comfort Lo’ak without dismissing his feelings.

“I know Lo’ak. This is scary for me too, but I need this. I can learn to protect myself. Hell, I killed a damn viperwolf! Shouldn’t you be proud of this meyp skxawng for that?” I finally get out, resorting to humor once again to avoid the big feelings that we are both laying out on the table. You see, me and Lo’ak have always been each other's constant. I was the only person in Lo’ak’s life that didnt see him as a fuck-up, the only one that he felt safe going to to cry. While we never talk about it (due to his usual attempts at stoicism), I have helped him through more than a few nights after Jake or Neytiri have really ripped into him hard. My joke seems to land when he smiles a little and nods.

“You are right. It was impressive that a useless baby like you could kill just one.” He says and his lips finally curl up back into their rightful place, into that signature smirk. I let out a faux offended noise at his comment and pushed his shoulder, telling him to shut up. I see the lines on his forehead disappear and can't help but mentally pat myself on the back for calming down my best friend. After a few more exchanges of friendly banter we continued on back to the clan, only stopping once when he let go of a huge leaf that flung backwards as I tried to stop it with my torn up arm without even realizing it. I got a few stares and sympathetic looks on the way through camp, but it was relatively uneventful until we stopped at the entrance of the healing tent.

I take a moment to prepare myself for what I am sure to be an endless barrage of questions. After taking a deep breath such as one would before jumping into water I step into the marui. Mo’at seems to be packing up some sort of tea into a small satchel. I catch the tail end of her instructions to the young man that looks to be not much older than me as he sits next to her, nodding dutifully along as Mo’at drones on. 

“... Let it brew for 20 minutes. Do not add anything. It is supposed to taste bad, you will deal with it.” She says looking him in the eyes and raising her eyebrows for a menacing effect. The young man looks away awkwardly and says thank you to her before shuffling out. Finally her eyes land on me and immediately go to my shredded arm. Her eyes slide back to mine and it's like I can feel palpable exasperation pouring out of them.

“Sit.” She commands and motions to the mat in front of her with the fluid sweep of her arms, adorned with a jeweled top that clinks as she moves. I gulp and hesitate before Lo’ak clears his throat, as if to tell me to hurry up. Hurriedly I sit down cross legged and hold my arm out to her as she greets Lo’ak with a hand, motioning down her face.

“What happened?” She asks, pulling harshly on the arm to adjust it so the light pouring in from the hole in the ceiling hits the still oozing wound. I try not to flinch as she turns the arm back and forth, trying to see both sides to assess the damage caused by the bite.

“Grandmother, Kiri and (Y/N)-” Lo’ak starts to explain before she cuts him off with the raise of her hand, silencing him effectively as the words die in his throat.

“I was asking her. Let her speak for herself.” She commands him and he shrinks back, going to sit in a darker corner of the marui.

“Well, Spider, me, Tuk, Kiri, and Lo’ak we’re headed out to one of the watering holes to swim and we got separated. They left me and Kiri behind and we took a moment to stop because Kiri said she had something she wanted to teach me. After we talked and meditated we heard a branch snap and then a pack of nantang jumped out and attacked us. Luckily, Kiri was faster so they didn’t hurt her. The biggest bit me and I had to defend myself before Lo’ak came and shot one of them…” I explain while she stares at me, showing absolutely no emotions, which only serves to terrify me. She says nothing so I continue rambling on.

“And I’m sorry. I had to kill one of them to stop it from doing this to my face instead. I do not know the prayers, so Kiri sent the animal off to Eywa for me.” I continue on before she raises a hand to stop me from word vomiting up more apologies. 

“How many nantang?” She asks, already pulling out some cloth and water to start cleaning each individual wound.

“Three. One large adult male and two juvenile males.” I respond, trying not to pull away from her harsh dabbing. She looks back to my face and tilts her head slightly, raising what would be her eyebrows in surprise.

“Hmmm.” She hums and I can feel my ears start to wilt under her scrutinizing gaze. “A sky person has not killed a nantang since Jake Sully. They do not usually attack in the day unless they are threatened. Did you threaten it?” She notes and starts grinding up a poultice to use on my skin, my nose twitches from the acrid smell so it takes me a moment to answer. 

“I think it was because I met its eyes. It was staring straight at me, I… I’ve never felt like that before.” I admit and she does nothing to respond except nod. Before long she is done with the poultice and starts to apply the goopy salve to my forearm. It stings quite a bit but I slowly relax into the pain, which is honestly not much worse than my normal days in my other body. While the burning pain is intense, it’s not anything I haven’t felt before. In fact pain is one of my longest friends, beating even the Sully siblings. She seems to notice and tilts her head inquisitively.

‘Does it not hurt? It is concerning if you do not feel the wound.” She looks at me expectantly and I shake my head.

“No, it definitely hurts. But I am very used to pain, so it does not bother me.” I almost mumble out my answer, trying to avoid her fiery gaze that is boring into my side profile.

“But you grew up in the lab, did you not? Why are you familiar with pain? Even my strongest warriors will complain about this salve.” She motions to the remains of the poultice in the mortar she used to grind it up, curiosity edging into her voice.

“Oh. Yeah, I forget that most people don’t know. My other body is… weak. There is something wrong with my legs, and they often cause me very intense pain.” I explain, using my hands to point at my blue legs. She chides me for moving my afflicted arm and pulls it back towards her to start wrapping it. She uses some unusual type of cloth to wrap around it a few times, securing the poultice to my skin.

“You are strong… for a lab rat.” She says in what I can only interpret as approval. Once again I somehow win approval from the hardest member of the Sully clan and my stomach feels like its flipping as I smile shyly at her compliment. 

“Thank you. And, thank you for treating me… and I really am sorry to have disturbed the balance of life without proper training, ma’am.” She waves off my worries, clicking her tongue in dismissal.

“It is fine. Now keep this on for a day and clean it thoroughly twice a day for a moon cycle. If it starts to burn or is hot to the touch, come back, or check in with Kiri. Now go, I must get ready for the returning hunting party. There is always an injury for me to tend to when they return.” She says dismissively, with such little expression that I cannot truly gauge her feelings on my actions in the forest. Lo’ak and I exit the marui, slowly shuffling out in tense silence. Once all the adrenaline wears off I realize I’m feeling pretty tired and just want to go home to my other body, this one is in sore need of a rest. Stopping Lo’ak I tell him I’m going home and thank him for taking me back, but insist that he can go now. He asks me a couple times if I’m sure and I assure him that I’m all good now and the walk back to the lab is very short. Finally he nods in agreement and we part ways. 

I take my time on the way back to the lab, trying to delay the inevitable scolding I will get from Norm and Max for my forest trip. As I stroll by the cooking area I take a deep breath, enjoying the scent and how empty camp is at this time of day. As I look around at the few people sitting outside I notice the screeching sounds of many ikran in the distance getting closer, signaling the return of the hunting party Mo’at mentioned. I walk to the edge of the cave mouth and watch the hunters as they return, noting how they all start lining up to carry the prey to the area where they butcher their prey. Among them I spot the tall figure of Neteyam. He seems to be instructing a few younger men and vaguely I wonder if he will be the one returning with a wound this time. I let out the breath I am holding when I note that his blue skin doesn't seem to be  marred by the crimson signature of an injury. 

It crosses my mind to wave to him or call out his name but I stop when he turns to one of the other young hunters and starts to discuss something with her. I continue walking past them and find myself sort of relieved at having successfully avoided him. We hadn’t really said more than two words to each other since our awkward dinner encounter. I’m not sure what it is but I just can’t bring myself to look him in the eyes since, unable to even think of how to apologize to him. What would I even be apologizing for, really? There's just something in those eyes of his that stirs something in me, they stir some part of me that I wasn’t even sure really existed. I’ve always felt like I am an animal in a cage, stuck, with everyone around me looking at me with pity and lingering distrust in their eyes. It is always one of the two. But when I look into his eyes, I feel like I am looking into the eyes of another animal in a cage all of his own. His duties form his own cage, making sure he does not take off in flight to get away from here. Much like me, many pass him with the same pity because of his harsh father, but instead of distrust it is fear that lingers after, fear of angering him or his powerful parents. However, when he looks at me it feels like he is seeing me, and me only, not my legs or my demon blood, just me. My pure soul untouched. Our cages fall around us, and there is only the other animals eyes boring into our soul. Such a tantalizing paralysis. I've never felt anything like that so it is obviously fucking terrifying to me, because I know that thought, that hope, which I will leave unsaid, is entirely impossible. 

I am lost in trying to find an apology for the next time I see him while I stand there watching that I don’t notice the first few times someone calls out my name. On the third time I hear it it finally registers that someone is actually calling out my name so I look around to see Neteyam waving me down. I hesitate for a moment and he waves a little faster, beckoning me to him as he waits by his ikran. Bracing myself for a moment, I begin slowly striding to him. As I approach I can see the agitated swing of his tail and the look of panic on his face.

“Hello, Neteyam. Is everything okay? Did something happen during the hunt?” I ask, finally sparing a quick glance into his eyes to see his reaction. His face morphs into a look of confusion and he shakes his head.

“No, no. I wanted to see if you were okay. What happened to your arm?” As he says this it makes me realize that most of the pain from the wound had actually subsided from the poultice. I will have to thank Mo’at for the care, maybe I will weave her a nice satchel, if Kiri can help me.

“Oh, yeah. Honestly I forgot about it for a minute, your grandma is such a talented tsahik that it barely hurts.” I offer up in response, too embarrassed to lead with the fact that I nearly got myself killed my first time outside of the Omaticayan stronghold. This only serves to make his grimace deepen and I can tell he is not satisfied so I continue on. “Your siblings, Spider, and I were headed to the swimming spot when me and Kiri got separated. She was helping me with some spiritual guidance when out of nowhere a pack of nantang attacked us, er well actually attacked me I guess. Luckily Kiri had her knife and Lo’ak showed up or I’m pretty sure I’d be running through a nantang’s guts right now.” His brows knit in concern when I finish my rambling explanation. “Oh, and don’t worry, I’m the only one that got hurt. Kiri was far enough ahead that they didn’t attack her.” 

“What? How many nantang? They do not usually attack during the day. Maybe I should warn father that there might be a pack of rabid nantang running around attacking people.” He says thoughtfully, rubbing his chin with his pointer finger and thumb. I can feel his eyes as they scan my body again to see if some new injury beside the one on my arm would mysteriously pop up.

“There’s no need. There were only three and two of them were killed in the fight. The other was scared off when me and Lo’ak defeated it's packmates. I doubt it will be back to the area anytime soon, and they did not seem rabid, just… hungry.” I say to try and ease the tensions that have gathered in his broad shoulders. I see them sink down for a second before perking right back up.

“You and Lo’ak? You killed one?” He asks and I get the feeling that he meant that he was impressed but the word kill instantly deflates any burgeoning pride I can feel. 

“Yes… I did not want to, but it was lunging for my neck. If I had hesitated any longer I would have…” I trail off and look to the side mournfully. I know that realistically Eywa and the clans members wouldn't blame me for my actions, but I feel like I've upset the balance of life in the forest without having learned the proper way of doing things. From watching Jake’s video logs I am aware that there are certain customs and traditions when it comes to the extinguishing of life in the clan. They did not even allow Jake to participate in hunts until he had proved himself as a member of the clan, something I have yet to do and have no idea how to accomplish.

“You need not worry, you were protecting yourself and my sister. Mother and father will know that and appreciate it, and so will the Great Mother…” Neteyam reassures me, and I let out a sigh of relief when he pointed out that I was also protecting Kiri. That’s definitely something that could help if Neytiri hears and starts to disapprove of me. I had only just gained her trust enough for her to allow her children to go places with me completely unsupervised. Plus it is a soothing balm for the guilt I’m feeling about it.

“I know, but it is still bothering me. I am not used to death and the flow of life I suppose. My world was so small, I feel unprepared for this huge new world.” I’m not sure why, but Neteyam makes it feel second nature to talk about the thoughts I haven't even shared with Kiri yet. Everytime I see him it’s like he does something to me that obliterates all of my self control and the waters of my thoughts flow through my mouth like rushing rapids. My normal defenses are no match for the charm of this gentle giant. Neteyam seems to chew on this for a few moments, gathering his thoughts into something easy to say. After a moment he places a large hand on my shoulder, something that seems to simultaneously ground and unnerve me.

“You will. You are brave, that much is clear to me. This world is large, but you will make yourself big as well. You have a desire to learn, and that is how you will do it. Learn well, Taw.” He responds and I am blown away by his confidence in me and the maturity of his response. Oh, and also the fact that he used my nickname. For a second it feels like he has stuck a live wire in me, electricity surging through me, making my heart beat loudly and my thoughts shift into overdrive. Placing a hand over my heart I try to quiet the cacophony of thoughts that attack me and I find myself saying a single word in question.

“Taw?” Is all I manage, almost breathless. Neteyam’s intense gaze falls and he starts to fidget, looking at the song chord at his waist. He fumbles with it to alleviate the nervous energy that is clearly filling him.

“Is it okay for me to call you that?” Neteyam asks, his voice unsteady and unsure. “It’s just… that is what my siblings have called you for a long time, so I thought you might like it if I also called you that. It suits you very well.” I cough a little from surprise and can’t help the smile fighting to show on my face. My tail almost wags for a second before I can still it.

“Yes. Yes, you can call me Taw… Just don’t call me TawTaw, Tuk might try to poison you. One time she tried to feed Lo’ak kllpxillw seeds after he called me that, even though they hurt his stomach. She is very protective of her special name for me.” I giggle as I tell the story, remembering the distinctly mischievous look on her face as she tried to hide the seeds in the dish they brought to eat at the lab with us. My story makes Neteyam let out a hearty belly chuckle, and he grins as he imagines the scene between his siblings. 

“Yes, she seems to be very protective of you in general.” He comments and opens his mouth to say more before a very irritated looking young man calls out Neteyams name from a distance away.

“Come on, man! We need help carrying these yerik. You can flirt with girls when you’re not on hunting duty!” He shouts across to us, his tail lashing back and forth in agitation. Neteyam’s grin drops and he rubs his temple soothingly, rolling his eyes at the voice.

“My apologies. That is my friend, Rinu. He does not have any manners. Thank you for the conversation, but I must go now. See you again, Taw.” Neteyam says his goodbye before setting off toward his friend. I let out a laugh at his friends before saying my own goodbye as he retreats. Taking a moment to recuperate from the second use of my nickname I start walking towards the direction of the lab again. Luckily I come back when Norm is out helping in his avatar so I am spared from one of his famous motherly sermons of being careful, instead I only get a small lecture from Max on the importance of being aware in the forest. He makes me promise to take one of Kiri or Lo’ak’s extra hunting knives next time before I lay down to wake in my new body.

A/N pt 2: Again thanks for all the love so far, and sorry if this part wasn't my strongest, I've been dealing with a lot so sorry if that same through my writing. Anyways I just wanted to share a piece of fanart I drew of Neteyam as Olo'eyktan while I had writers block. Enjoy!

@skeletondeerart @jackiehollanderr @anxietydrogz @farleyis @soleilmoon

[summercourtship]

Kyra, I stayed up all night reading your new chapter, i am not even joking when i say that when i saw that it ended i LITERALLY GASPED OUT LOUD!!! The smut was TOP TIER! omg so hot! so many stuff happening!!! Edward smoking was so sexy! also him being like: “You were led astray, I see.” GOT ME BLUSHING FOR NO REASON????!!! Jonathan being a sneaky little bastard as always! it was so funny seeing him try to comfort the reader but also having no clue in what he was doing, like sir you are a psychiatrist! I imagine him reading a book like: “ how to comfort women for dummies”, another thing was him letting his facade slip for a second when he said: “You’re still my assistant, aren’t you? Or are you too busy for that?” I GUESS SOMEONE IS FEELING A BIT NEGLECTED HUH?! AND TO TOP IT ALL BRUCE WAYNE KNOWS SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!!!! THE JIG IS UP PEOPLE!!!!

But being real rn, you have no reason for being nervous, this chapter was AMAZING! Also if you don’t mind me asking, I would love to know what was your inspiration for starting this fic! I saw you were thinking of doing a BTS video i I love that!!!

THANK YOU! There is so much stuff happening and it'll probably stay like that until the end because there's only four chapters left and a lot of stuff to get through!!

Edward smoking: yes. I particularly enjoyed writing the detail of him offering the reader a drag and being disappointed when she refused because he's definitely the type to romanticize his lips touching the same things hers do (little does he know at that moment that she was planning on Fucking Him in like fifteen minutes.) And with him saying "you were led astray", I love him idolizing her so much because he's gonna get so hurt when he finds out she is just a normal person (who is in way over her head)

Jonathan: I think he knows how to comfort someone, but he doesn't want to actually comfort the reader. Because, again, he's feeling neglected and he's trying ten thousand different methods of coping and none of them are working. But it will come to a head, and soon.

Since she confronted the Batman on the roof, Bruce has been aware that the reader isn't telling him everything. Like, she isn't good at lying. But the burner phone going off and her lying about it is definitely ringing more bells in his head and he is realizing he needs to keep a closer eye on her. Wonder how he's gonna do that. :)

Thank you again for your kind words- I'm always scared whenever I update that this will be the chapter you all decide it's actually horrible and I wasted your time lol.

I don't remember exactly what my inspiration for this fic was, although I remember bits and pieces. It was originally just going to be a Bruce Wayne fic and I started writing it after I saw the Batman in March 2022. The first scene in the fic is the only thing I salvaged from that first version of the fic.

And then, months later, I decided to write a fic with Jonathan as a love interest along with Bruce bc I really like love triangles in reader insert fics lol, especially between heroes and villains. It's about the DYNAMICS.

Normally when I come up with my longer fics, it's because I write the fic I want to read- I couldn't find many Jonathan Crane multi-chapter fics and I wanted to fix that.

Edward was always going to be in the fic, but he only became a love interest later when I decided that I can be as self-indulgent in my fic as I want to be lol. He was always gonna be interested in the reader tho, the reader just didn't always reciprocate.

And as a fun little fact: the title for the fic was originally going to be "Stay and Burn" which is taken from the song Deus in Absentia by Ghost (my love). Then I decided to expand on it and make it my own. I like the dichotomy between fire and water, the implication that you made one reckless decision only to be blindsided by a different danger... idk.

Finally, YES when I'm done with this I do want to make a sort of BTS video where I just ramble about writing it. I've been wanting to make videos anyway for my art/shop, so why not add my writing as a topic as well?

[sensitive-g]

Thanks for answering, here’s a new question: can there be an error and a fatal error version of Blue Scarf

I don't see why not! Given the nature of multiverses there can be about any version of him you can think of! For those two particularly, I will say that that since the events that led up to him becoming Blue Scarf are different than what vanilla Geno does in the normal Aftertale story, the way he acts as those variants would be a lot different than how vanilla Error and Fatal end up acting!

So for example, I don't think an Error!Blue Scarf would be a world destroyer like regular Error, since the final thoughts before 'erroring out', so to speak, would be less him blaming others and more like, grieving what he's lost, I think? Because it took a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and probably luck to achieve what he has, and the family and life he has now is something he wouldn't trade for the world- the present is too important to him. So he'd probably,,, oh god actually I like this idea- I think his whole error schtick would end up being that, even though he has no idea why bc memory loss, he figures he will end up losing everything he gets regardless of how hard he tries, so he gets super jaded and chooses not to make connections? Which is SUPER messed up actually bc he's overly affectionate as Blue Scarf so the contrast to being disconnected goes HARD, I like this HAHDHJFDS

As for a Fatal version, I admit it's been a while since I've read his story and I'm not super familiar with how it goes anymore, so I would have to look back at it to give a better answer on how he would act in that situation. But I'd assume it's possible since he is technically still a Geno. The only thing I remember off the top of my head is that Fatal is trying to recreate a Papyrus? So Blue Scarf would probably do something similar- just with more than a Papyrus.

[adhbabey]

here's some autism traits of mine that aren't symptoms, but they're things that are autism and im choosing to unmask n share this with you all.

biting. just i want bite fingers. i crave to put them in my mouth. i want to bite in general. i know its not socially acceptable to bite people, but i want to. i am a creacher and i cannote change that.

when i was like 14 i was really obsessed with random xd humor. I would say "ekop" instead of "poke", because its poke backwards. And I had this one friend I'd constantly do this with. like "rawr" and "cupcakez!1!1!". We were truly scene.

Speaking incredibly eloquently, as one alter put it, "Human language does not account for all the nuances that I wish to share, so I am using the language to its full extent, detailing every complicated sentence that I can muster. I wish to share my full thoughts and experiences, but it unfortunately does not do what I want to convey in justice. So I must settle for the english language for now." Some of our alters can't really speak because of that, and its difficult for them to communicate outside of visuals and vague feelings. It's really either hyperverbal or no verbality for us.

every fucking alter being some brand of autism. Tsuki is ace and hates to put a label on things, the only concrete feeling she has is anger. Rai can barely speak/communicate, they are very observant and quiet, and they feel the most disconnected from others being the host. Kaori is literally the most autistic creature you could ever come across, they are just literally what you think of, they love all the "cringe" culture type stuff and adore being nonbinary. etc etc. Like, how did I not realize when all of us are some brand of autism?

Feeling like an outsider my entire fucking life. Even when I related to others, I always felt separate from the rest of society, and I must sacrifice everything in order to be loved. This has been connected to spiritual beliefs of mine.

Another thing connected to spiritual beliefs of mine, feeling like I truly cannot see the world, as if I have a film over my eyes. The reason for my self entrapment is a "curse" that a "film" over my eyes exists and I never fully can break free from. I realize that the "film" is masking and my truly unique way of seeing the world is my autism, and I've had to move through the world not letting myself "see" truly.

alice in wonderland, coraline, fran bow, all characters I relate to are young and unique girls that move through a world that is crazy and full of madness. Something I find myself deeply relating to.

feeling misunderstood all the fucking time. even if i try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I'm constantly put on a high standard that I have not been able to achieve. I don't know how to change people's minds as I speak with genuine intent besides rather obvious displays of frustration, anger or sarcasm. I was also the person who thought others were always genuine, and rarely questioned one's intention behind what they said. This trait of mine has led me to become gaslit by a few harmful people in my life.

my disorders all linked together, makes for a bad time. this isnt an autism specific trait. i just. if i feel like an outsider (asd), and have trauma with being treated like an outsider (did), and get really upset with other people saying nasty things about me in regards to not being normal (adhd + rsd), im going to have a hard time and constantly blame myself for being an outsider (ocd) and im gonna hate myself (depression). so its just like. hey i found a piece to the puzzle, but i already know most of it. and thats just the egodystonic experience for me.

but hey, lets talk about more lighthearted stuff!! i love kandi!!!!! it jingle jingle and it has super pretty colours!! im afraid to stim but this is the shit for me. this is amazing.

i'd love to use word quirks and kaomojis a lot more!!! but unfortunately thats not the blog for this bc its not plaintext. but in my heart, thats what i want to do and who i want to be.

oh i remember the last one!! I read this somewhere, but apparently since a lot of autistic people struggle to communicate their needs, they'll do things that meet their needs somewhat, even if they don't know why they do it. For example, wearing hoodies and heavy clothes because they're touch starved and want to be hugged! And I really related to that!! I wear hoodies and lots of layers all the time, or like just wearing my day clothes, even if they're uncomfortable. So, I do that, not just because I'm cold, but I need the weight compressing me, and i've always been doing that since I was young. So I felt.

Not really being able to read big books until middle school. I know there's people who havent really talked until they were older, I remember not being able to comprehend big swaths of text until I was a teenager. maybe thats the audhd, but i feel like thats always been my sort of "i think this was my developmental milestones that i hit late". And yes, I was able to read quite a lot for my age, but it always felt like something that I hit late.

share your autism traits that aren't necessarily symptoms, or you can talk about the ones you relate to and I wrote. Sorry if this post is hard to read, I just wanted to talk about it. :0 so ya

[solaarbeeam]

I posted 494 times in 2022

That's 494 more posts than 2021!

262 posts created (53%)

232 posts reblogged (47%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@avid-idiot

@httpghostface

@shoverse

@https-true-egoist

@sulkylious

I tagged 290 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#— [ asks and replies ✉️ ] - 18 posts

#my wifey : nessa - 16 posts

#my gamer bf : rez - 13 posts

#jordans screaming tag - 7 posts

#jordans reblong tag - 7 posts

#— [ melli's the sweetest 🍬] - 6 posts

#the tallest mf i've met : aspen - 6 posts

#my wife : nessa - 4 posts

#maya's yelling - 4 posts

#gay. just simply gay : atlas - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#so when my other friend anthony tried to confront her she cursed him out in front of him and started talkin abt his family and stuff

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

okay but like fuck the MBTI’s and whatever whatever here’s the real question

are you an ass, thighs, tits, or hugs and kisses guy

19 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#4

y’all cant tell me osamu isnt the most wack person ever

AND THIS IS WHY

he’s even more wack than atsumu. osamu literally knows how to do parkour and gymnastics and stuff but he uses it in the most obscene situations

this man will put extra salt in your food if you pissed him off that day and giggle as you gag and everyone thinks its suna but its really him

he’s also a certified omnisexual and a demi-boy. argue with the wall

but back to what i was saying

he’ll do the most craziest and random things to get back at you. You called out in class while he was raising his hand and you weren’t. oops! guess who cant find their shoes. he will steal them, OUT OF THE BLUE RANDOM.

he always blames them on suna bc kita loves him like he’s his child but in reality he’s more of a menace than atsumu

i love him

25 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#3

MAKE IT NATURAL

SUGAWARA KOUSHI -> WEEK ONE, DAY ONE

The fresh summer afternoon was pretty, with the sun high in the sky coming through the windows. It was about a solid 11:30 AM, and the sun was shining as bright as it liked to.

However, it wasn't for you as you were struggling in the bathroom of your huge house, since Sugawara works at a private K-12 School, trying to comb and pick out your hair while it was not listening.

Sugawara was downstairs, with the TV, watching Rupauls Drag Race, until he heard your frustrated screams of annoyance from the bathroom upstairs.

With a ragged sigh, he took himself up the stairs to find you literally dragging your comb through your hair, trying to comb it out before washing it.

He sighed to himself once again, and gave you a hug. He took the comb from you, and proceeded to do it himself.

To your surprise, your hair actually was tame for once in your life. As Sugawara combed through the tangled hair, you were still sort of mad, but only because somehow your hair didn’t wanna behave when you did it.

However, you sucked it up. Because your hair was never gonna be this tame again.

32 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

SPOTIFY’S DOWN NOOOO

37 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

# sakusa, komori, and hinata ! i feel like they have undiagnosed ODD (like me) and had struggled with it growing up, and their families had already been very taxing on them. Hinata’s dad kept causing problems which resulted in him walking out on Shoyo, Natsu, and their mom. Sakusa and Komori had naturally taxing families

this led to a lot of fights and arguments, which ended up with sakusa and komori becoming more aggressive than the normal person.

so when you come along, its way different.

they’re hostile towards you, they’re more aggressive when it comes to certain things, and they love to try and start fights with you just to push you away.

but you still stayed.

and that’s exactly why, as soon as they had asked you why, they might’ve been afraid of you leaving.

but not as much as they would be, because you always stayed.

70 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kisses-4-loki]

Why Endgame Thor wasn't a shitty mockery of him + fit his character (in my opinion)

Tw// mentions of disordered eating, depression, suicidal ideation, alcoholism/ alcohol abuse, death and grief.

DISCLAIMER; this is all my personal opinion and is in no way fact! It is based heavily on canon, using references to scenes to prove my point,  but this is mostly for fun/ character analysis- do not leave me hate comments about how I've misunderstood Thor/ elements of the films, bc I will not listen if you are hostile :)

Thor during Infinity War is presented all the way through as a man grieving, full of rage and self hatred for his own failures to kill Thanos twice. (“He is anxious, angry, he feels tremendous loss and guilt”- Nebula, infinity war.1) Once aboard the Statesman, at the start of Infinity War, which led (in part) to his brother’s death and the loss of even more of his people, who were already strained and damaged. Again at the end of Infinity War, when he hit Thanos in the shoulder and didn’t do enough damage to prevent him snapping (likely due to the recent loss of his eye, and though partially rectified by the fake one given to him by Rocket it is likely in no way a perfect match for his eye.) As well as these losses, of his brother and his people, as well as actual losses in battle, he has also lost his father and all of his friends (though we find out Sif is alive in Thor 42, he doesn't know this at the time and thinks they’re all dead), as well as Heimdall.

He lost to Hela, he lost to Thanos, and this is all directly impacting him as it is all recent, within the space of possibly a week or two at most. At the beginning of Endgame, it's established that it has been 22 days since the snap (thank you Tony3), so 3-4 weeks since Loki, Odin, Heimdall and the warrior three’s deaths. Thor is likely not in the best mindset, you could say, and that's putting it lightly. Again, he’s shown to be angry, rageful at his loss, because he is Thor, of Asgard, and Asgardians are not shown to be a very emotional group of people. “He’s pissed. He thinks he failed.”4 is how Rocket puts it when we see the rest of the Avengers. Thor has lost. Twice. There’s a rather large precedent put in place by the Thor trilogy that Thor isn’t used to losing, or at least not losing alone. He isn’t powerless, and he’s never alone, except he now is alone. 

“He has the Avengers,” you may say, and I say “No, he doesn’t.” After CACW, the Avengers are not getting along, and Thor has also been in space dealing with rebellions on foreign worlds, he doesn’t know anything about the changes. Regardless of what side he’d choose, Thor isn't informed of the disagreement- Bruce also didn’t know until recently, Tony was in space, Nat has been working, Clint is lost in the winds, and Steve is trying to help with damage control with SHIELD. There’s no one that he knows properly left in the world, any Asgardians are lost and he doesn’t know where they are.

Here we come to the ‘disordered eating’ section- and you may be thinking ‘Thor? Disordered eating? That seems more like a Loki thing.’ But what else do you call Thor’s stress eating? He’s been in space with crappy space rations, so I'm sure he could be just eating to fill himself after not eating properly for a while, but that’s not necessarily the case. It’s somewhat established (thanks to the end scene of Thor 1) that they have feasts in honour of the dead in Asgard. Post Loki’s death, there is a large banquet5, and I'm fairly sure that they wouldn’t be celebrating his death even after what he’s done. After all the losses Thor’s had, a large feast would be in order, most likely, but there’s no one to share the burden with. It comes to Thor to grieve for all of his people. (The drinking comes from a similar place)

In Endgame we see him eating when Carol arrives, and even if this is normal, he clearly gains weight after 5 years. It could be a beer belly, and that’s what it's meant to represent, but it's also more than that. Asgard's cuisine is different to Earth’s- they eat a lot of meat, sure, but less carbohydrates and sugars (Loki hasn’t had a proper sweet, just grapes and candied nuts6) and we know that Thor enjoys the more processed earth foods. (He eats a box of poptarts in Thor 1.) It's partly a change in diet, partly feasting in honour of his lost family and friends, but most importantly it's Thor’s isolation. He’s always had Loki as his walking impulse control, and when not Loki, likely Fandral or Volstagg (as they speak against going to Jotunheim in Thor 17) so he’s never really been alone with his own decisions before, and it's a large, sudden change that he clearly cannot cope with. 

When they go to fix it at the start of Endgame, Thor’s temper bubbles up again. He’s angry. Thanos has taken everything he had left from him, taken his brother for a third and final time, and Thor can’t fix it any other way than he knows how- kill the bastard that did it. Repeating what Thanos said to him clearly shows his self hatred, and how he blames himself for not being able to do it the first time- “I went for the head”8- he doesn’t fail again. But it doesn’t bring him satisfaction, and he’s still alone. There’s still no Loki left, right when they had reconciled, there’s no father to offer the head to, no mother to heal his wounds, no Heimdall to watch from afar, no Asgardians to revel in his victory. It’s hollow. 

They set up New Asgard, but Thor was alone until then, thinking he was the last left of Asgard. And then they timeskip 5 years (lazy of me, i know, but blame the Russo’s not the innocent victim) and Thor is a MESS. He’s an alcoholic, he’s isolated, barely speaking to people, and has gained a significant amount of weight from both eating and drinking. If he were a human he’d likely be in liver failure. He's managed to repress things by not speaking about it but is still struggling. And not ONE person helped the poor man. He’d not seen Bruce since Thanos was killed, Tony was separated from them all, Clint was out living his assassin best life, Nat was working to fix things and Steve was doing the same. But they didn’t visit Thor. He had Korg, sure, but he and Korg were acquaintances in Ragnarok and no more than roommates now. With no family left but the Avengers, you’d think they might help him a little bit. (Valkyrie has a solid excuse- she was literally being the king of New Asgard)

Had they taken Thor even a tiny bit seriously in this film, he’d be so upsetting to see in the scenes where he’s drunk and talking to Bruce. (“Why would I be scared of that guy? I killed that guy, remember? Did anyone else kill that guy? Nope. Didn’t think so.”9- he’s basically justifying why he can’t possibly be scared of Thanos, he’s THOR he’s of ASGARD, he KILLED Thanos, so he can’t be afraid.) But instead they make endless amounts of jokes about his want to prove himself by fixing the world. (“Just let me do it, let me do something good”10) and his celebration at still being worthy of Mjolnir11. (Another important aspect of his character arc in Endgame that they barely brushed- he’s still worthy as an unhealed mess of a man.)

The Russo brothers made so many jokes at the expense of ‘fat Thor’ that it massively negated why being sad and depressed was something he needed. Thor didn’t often dwell on being sad- he mourned for Loki, he mourned for his Mother, but he’d never really been heartcrushingly sad in the way he had to be after Infinity War. It was all new for him, and regardless of if he wants to do it, he has to. Thor NEEDED to be sad in that way- it helped him heal from the loss of everything he knew. Thor has changed since Thor 1, he’s no longer the arrogant bastard he once was, and it’s a change finalised by his depression in Endgame that leads him to give up the crown and go travelling.12

Ultimately, I think it was the excess of cruel jokes about Endgame Thor that made me mad- he’s just being endlessly bullied for being depressed and fat by people that lost less than he did. (Sorry Rhodey- this is aimed at you. The character assassination of you in Endgame was so unnecessary but like,,,) Everyone lost something, and you cannot compare trauma in a world where 50% of life has been snapped away by some purple dickhead, but Thor lost everything all at once and ended up alone for his troubles in trying to save the world, and I will always be sympathetic towards him for that.

Thor meets the Guardians- 1:26-1:33

Thor and Korg find Sif -0:34

Tony's message for Pepper 0:44

"He's pissed"- Rocket- 0:39

Asgard banquet - 0:27

Grapes, Nuts- 1:23

Fandral, Volstagg and Sif - 1:46-2:05

I went for the head- 2:24-2:27

Why would I be scared of that guy- 2:39-2:56

Let me do it- 2:34-2:38

I'm still worthy- 3:41-3:46

There's no need to evidence this- it's canon, I just want to appreciate how his new arc mirrors Loki- deciding he doesn't want to be king (as Loki appears to be when not being changed every few seconds) and travelling as Loki does mythologically/in the comics. And his adoption of Love at the end of Thor 4 mirrors Odin adopting Loki, so hopefully he does it right :)

[reblogging4thewin]

Personal stuff; mostly just writing for catharsis

receives text from my mom asking if I have plans for the weekend

mood: 8 ----> 6

stress: 2.5 ----> 5

the debuff is temporary; it just brings down the mood because maintaining boundaries (and just other things I don't feel like getting into) is emotional labor, and because I really don't like explaining anything to them.

Not that there's anything to explain in this instance. "Yes; I have a lot to do over here; sorry." is how that generally goes. But this week, like, there was a lot of stuff that led to the (workplace) suggestion that I swap out a weekday this week and work Saturday instead.

So although I don't have to explain all that backstory that led to that being a good idea here, or even say what I'm doing at all, the prospect/the idea that I may be facing an interaction where I'd be explaining something to her immediately knocked my mood down and my stress up.

I came up with a one-sentence reply that satisfies the urge of communicating that 'I have a specific obligation that I don't normally have, so don't try to guilt trip me into changing my plans for you.' And there was no issue. So that was good. But the mood hit is a gut reaction before anything at all happens conversation-wise. It's like a fight or flight response to the "do you have any plans" text.

Like, even the thought of having to do that, even worse with my dad (in that case having any conversation with him at all does this), typically just zaps my energy and makes it a struggle to say anything because I'm holding back and speaking (or typing) around the powerful urge to be really short about it because I very much just want the conversation to be over and would rather not have to have it again.

The holidays were a setback that took a little while to bounce back from. Coming back from the holidays was like having been stuffed in a box and having to unfurl and uncramp all my limbs - having to fluff my feathers back out. Like I feel it a little right now just from this text situation. The physical stress in my chest. It's hard to believe that every day of my life used to feel like that. Never having peace.

Thank God I have a place to live. That was one thing that struck a cord one morning - I don't remember if it was Boxing Day or New Year's Day, but we were at the breakfast table, and already things were going south that morning. I had the familiar feeling that I wanted to go home.

Except

Except, unlike all the other times I've felt that feeling throughout my life, it's no longer a meaningless un-attainable phrase cycling in my mind. It was actually an actionable thing. Because I no longer live there - I do have a home to go to.

Making myself cry here, but actually I feel a lot better. Coming down from the feelings after interacting with them is always a trip.

Anyway, I have to clear out some leftover stuff from their house at some point, but I definitely need a couple of more weeks away before I can go back there. And I have no intention of ever staying more than one night at a time until Christmas if I even stay more than one night then. (I was thinking this past new years will also be the last one I spend there. I had already planned my own new traditions for this year, but decided to go there and do our usual traditions. Next new year I may have my bonfire. We'll see.)

That's the only healthy way to do this. One single day usually goes perfectly fine. (The holidays going south on day 1 were an exception to that general rule.)

I know this won't be sustainable forever. That's a mixed bag of course but mostly a good thing. I'm just not at a point in my life overall where I'm ready for that yet. There's some tangly little bits to unwind first.

Also once my bf moves in, it will be a lot easier bc I'll have a little serotonin tap on hand, for one; two - it's easy to reply to assumptions that if I don't have specific plans my time is for them and not for me - by saying that if they'll have us both over (and let us sleep in my old bed) then great but if not I'm not going. that'll be a conversation-ender.

[srslysierraa]

Hello! I hope your days are going well!~♡

I heard requests were open!

Lemme get Sun or Moon…or both getting a lil jealous. That’s all I really got. I just feel they get super jealous super easily. Clingy daycare attendants (affectionate)

Labels And Tags.

[part 2 here]

Prompt ;; the Daycare Attendants has always been known to be quite.. protective. It's just in their nature, whether it be with kids or even with you. And yet, this feeling of "protectiveness" is quite, unfamiliar to them. Just the sight of seeing you with someone else that isn't them makes them feel, unpleased, to say the least. So what do you do when an animatronic who's job is to be overbearing gets even more overbearing?

Type ;; fluff, one-shot. tw: slight possessive behavior.

Char. Involved ;; sunnydrop [fnaf sb]

A/N ;; I've been so busy recently with work, making a report, and piano practices. Couple that with me being sick today and having a writer's block and now you have someone who barely has any motivation to even open drafts. But i finally got a small burst of motivation for this request so i hope this brings back my mood of writing and get me rolling to finish the other requests, also i hope this isn't bad bc honestly idk just how much my writing capacity is rn- with that being said, I'll do sunny for now, and follow up with moon as a part 2 next time. I hope that's okay. Enjoy!

The sound of faint pitter patter and stomps of little children as well as adults filled the giant establishment of a pizza place, blaring colors from flickering fairy lights and LEDs bringing the whole thing to life. Giggling kids, talking animatronics, human chatter, background music as well as sound effects from the different arcade games scattered around the Pizzaplex, as you brushed away the wrinkles or dusts from the lower part of your uniform.

In this massive place they call a restaurant and or what is practically an arcade, your part is to be the guide, and by that? Stand around look pretty, make sure no kids gets hurt, give directions to confused families, make sure no one sneaked in, make sure things are clean, and alert authorities when something major happens, be it security or a mechanic. That being said, you're usually stationed around the Daycare, huddled around numerous of tiny innocent human beings just trying to have fun, so there's not much to really do when the Animatronic guarding said Daycare with you is a clean freak, night watch, parental animatronic themselves.

At this point, you might as well give your job to the ever welcoming Sunnydrop who resides in the Daycare. I mean, he does everything for you anyways so it's not like that much would change, but sometimes you do wonder why he would go as far as to not let you talk to pretty much anyone who's just trying to ask for directions. You swear Sun just materialize out of nowhere when anyone your age starts walking to you for whatever reason.

At first you thought that's just how he's programed to be, a bit - no, a LOT hyper as he multitasks his work with the kids together with cleaning whatever trash he finds. Quite normal at first, then you realized he's also there to answer every question each person is trying to ask you. Hm, maybe it's just the parental urge he's programed with in order to do everything himself? Now if you squint at things, it could be called a normal thing for him to do, until he escalates that is.

And escalate he does.

Over time is arguably even worse than the last, it went from him just trying to take your job and do your job for you to him actively trying to stop you from doing your job. Asking you to just take a rest inside the Daycare, telling you to let him handle it, and what's even weirder is that he doesn't seem to do this with quite literally anyone else - animatronic or human employees. And after having enough of it (aka you being scared this'll get you in trouble by your higher-ups), you finally walked your way to the daycare, and out of nowhere two cold hands wrapped themselves around your torso as you're slightly lifted up from the ground and spun around. There he is.

You smiled. Though it was a really fun and nice gesture, you're here for a talk, not games. Not long after a few quick taps to his shoulder, he plopped you down and you asked him what he's doing, while doing the courtesy of telling all the kids that you're holding a block building challenge, with whoever has the biggest and coolest build wins extra chocolate and candy. Them being in the range of 5-7 quickly stumbled over to the building blocks area, while you hold onto Sun for dear life who's seemingly also wanted to participate in the challenge.

He halts when he felt your weight on his, as he looks back with that signature smile on his face. A little hum of curiosity and confusion errupted from his voicebox, two slender hands sliding themselves to the side of your head, cupping your cheeks softly yet intensely in a way in which one would play with the face of a calm kitten. "Yes, Buttercup?" He asks, sweet melody entwined with every word he says. "Sunray, can we have a talk?" This earned both a giddy squeeze to your cheeks from the nickname and a head tilt of curiosity from the Animatronic though he nodded nonetheless, a hand by your back while an arm slithered it way down to your legs, picking you up bridal style as he effortlessly jumps and ducks and runs to a secluded area near the ballpit.

He halts abruptly when he reached his destination, tossing you lightly in the air before catching you again and setting you gently on the ground. The jingle of the bells on his arms rung, as he continuously moves all around you as you try to arrange the words you'd be using towards him. "Sunshine?" "Hm?" His immediate response caught you off guard in a way that it shouldn't have, but you brushed it off. "Why are you not letting me do my work?" Arms crossed and a puffed out pout, tone condescending in a way that you'd want him to tell you. A small mechanical noise errupted from him, as he tries to make sense of what you're saying.

"But you're here right now, in your uniform, you're working! What do you mean?" Any other guard or workers would've snapped at him or just immediately leave when he said that, it sounded like he was messing around, like he purposely acted oblivious to piss someone off. But you knew better, that line of words that he just spewed out was as genuine as ever. Turns out when an animatronic designed to be around kids, mostly interacts with kids, and has the attention span of practically a kid, there's gonna be a time or two where they'll be as oblivious as a kid despite supposed to be the grown up between them, go figure.

“Yes but, Sunny, i’d also need to do my job, you know? And these last few days you’ve really tried your best to stop me.” Arms crossed and pouted, you look directly at the sun themed creation, his hands on his mouth as he lets out a gasp. “No no no! I didn’t mean to do that at all!” He panics, worrying that he might’ve done something extremely bad. Hands on his faceplates as you tries to calm him down, he slows down, slowly looks at you as he droops. “Sunshine! I- I didn’t mean to! Really!” “I know, i know, it’s okay. I’m just here to ask why you’ve been doing it? Insistently trying to stop me from answering people i mean,” 

“Oh,” A huff came from him as the tone of his voice drops a bit, crossing his own arms as he looks away. “I don’t like it.” You blinked, well that was straight forward. “Like what?” “The way you talk to them, i don’t like it,” a little 'hmph' left him as you tries to make sense of his words, were you rude to people, did you say something bad? "I don't get it, did i do something wrong?" You asked, but the way he shakes his head proved you wrong, "No! Of course not! You were amazing, Sunshine! It's just, you were smiling and happy and nice and sweet to them, and..." he paused, fingers fiddling together as he tries to think of what else to say in order to convey his emotions, but it all only ended with "No!" "..no?"

He nods, hands enclosed together to form fists, only for it to be shaken up and down in a way a little kid would be if they didn't get the attention of their parents. "No more talking to people! I don't get to see you speak that way that much, it is unfair!" The sighed you just released was exhausted, though you can't exactly help but smile as you did so. It was adorable, he was adorable, this situation though frustrating - is adorable. You're just happy he's made of metal because in honesty? The urge to pinch his face would've overcame you by now. "So basically, you were mad because i was being nice to them?"

It took a while for him to realize what you said, and to actually process it. Huh, okay now that you word it like that, it actually sounds bad. ",,that's a bit of an oversimplification.." "Is it?" You asked, both hands on your hip as you give him a slight attitude, the whole situation was funny to you, especially Sunny and the way he's trying to process how maybe he's been over doing it, just a bit. "Sunray, i have always been nice to you, you know? I think you're adorable!" "I know.." "And if you need anything, you can always come to me. We can also spend time together, alright?"

The droopy animatronic sprung back to his bright energetic self, hands covering yours as he practically jumps all around now due to the recent words you've told to him. He nods, "Really?! HOORAY! In that case! Please please please just stay in the daycare with me and the kids! Oh oh! We can do finger painting, or or arts and crafts! We can play hide and seek! And-" "Sunny!" Sudden silence was created as you yelled out his name to get his attention, him freezing mid talking to hear what you have to say. "I can't stay with you all day though, alright? I still need to work."

It took exactly 0.5 seconds for him to go back to how he used to be, drooping and sighing exaggeratedly as his head hung low, you chuckled as you try to get him to stand upright. "C'mon Sunny, what's gotten into you suddenly?" It took a few seconds for him to answer, and when he eventually did, "Don't work, pleeaaseee?" As much as you wanted to, you can't, and so you shook your head, "No can do Sunlight, i need the money you know?" "Do you have to answer all those people?" "Well it is what they stationed me to do, so," "But.."

Whatever sentence is there, he didn't seem to finish it, as it trails off leaving only the sound of his mechanical whirring back. You brought his chin (?) up, making him to look at you in the eyes. "Why do you not want me to work hm? It almost makes you sound jealous," a soft laugh escaped your mouth as the painted mouth on his face would've frowned if it could. "I am not! Only bad kids are like that," "Then would you be okay if i work and talk to other people again?" "No."

Sigh.

In the end you had to compromise with him in some way, as you only laughed slightly at his insistence. It really is like trying to convince a child. "Sunny, how about this, i go to work... And then i spend my breaks in here with you?" "Oh! Really!?" You nodded, as Sunny's hands cheered again with happiness. "Alright! Hmph. I suppose.. you can talk to people again.. but don't smile as much!" The sentence caught you off guard, and you can't help the choked laugh that came out. "What? But Sunray, if I don't smile, what if they think I'm being mean?" "But you're not bullying them!" "Still, it's always polite to smile when talking to other people!" Of course he had to crossed his arms and look away, furiously grumbling as he does. "Fine... You can smile." With that sentence, you released a smile of your own furiously thanking him as you closed the distance with a hug.

You walk back to the front of the daycare where numerous people come and go, kids ran about as parents slowly follow them in the back. As it turns out, a guy who seemed to be in the same age as you approached in a very confused demeanor, hands on his phone as it seemed like he just finished calling someone. "Excuse me! Do you know where Fazerblast is? My little sister went to play with her friends and i agreed to pick her up, but i seemed to be lost." It was an easy question, you nodded and went to open your mouth to answer, only to hear the Daycare doors open.

"Why yes! Mr. Fazbear's amazing playplace would be near the main stage! You can go there if you-" "Sunny." You stopped him, tone in your voice explaining that you can handle this on your own. You went back to the man in front of you, as confused as he is due to the situation, "You can go up those stairs and go through the elevator, there should be a map bot that can guide you to the Main stage personally." You smiled. "From there, take the escalator up, Fazerblast is next to Monty Golf, the map given from Map Bot should help."

The man thanked you profusely, and you only nodded and thanked him in return for going to the Pizzaplex, not once did Sunny left your side as you look at him with both your hands on your hips. "Sunny." He looks away, avoiding your obvious gaze as he fiddles with his fingers, "Well! That's done, now we can go back into the Daycare and play!"

Oh dear, i guess putting things back on track isn't as easy as you thought.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[whenfatecollides]

Hi ! I've been getting into Dreamcatcher lately since everyone's been saying if you're a lesbian you're gonna like dreamcatcher, and i do ! i was just wondering from someone who obvs knows them better, do you think they're naturally so close to each other or it could be a bit more... fan service stuff bc I'm always worried about getting into groups who just queerbait all the time, idk how to say this and im not trying to attack DC but there's been a lot of talk abt it in kpop lately

I get where you’re coming from, but with time you’ll see that they’re genuinely close

dc have gone through a lot as a group (some of the members have been together for abt 8/9 years now), specially the ex-minx members (jiu, sua, siyeon, yoohyeon, dami) who had to overcome an unsuccessful debut and decide to stick together despite a rough start. there’s a lot in the member’s own story that makes you wonder if there really isn’t a force in the world out there who brought them together because so much happened, to some members more than others, that literally put them right on the path to become a dreamcatcher member. it just had to be the seven of them. 

for starters, yoohyeon auditioned for a few companies and mbk accepted her. she went the first day and quit that same day because of how she was treated by the staff. she said that from that experience she wanted to quit on the idea of becoming an idol, but she really loved to dance and sing. which led her to meet sua at a dance competition before they auditioned for hfe. sua had been training to become an idol since 2012 and hfe was the one company who accepted her (I can’t imagine sleeping on that much talent). this led them to debut together and even become roomates.

siyeon had a close songwriter friend who introduced her to the company, she auditioned and got in. similarly, jiu’s vocal teacher referred her to the company, she auditioned and got in as well. as for dami she had wanted to become an idol since elementary school, one day she participated in an open audition at her school and hfe called her for an audition.

with gahyeon, she actually went through a few companies before landing on hfe. she was an fnc traineed for a while, she got in both yg and sm, but left since they weren’t going to debut a group any time soon. similar to dami she participated in an open audition at her school and she got called for an audition.

and handong had some interest in kpop when she was in high school, but when she got the chance to go to korea for university her dad made her promise she wouldn’t try to become an idol, it was literally The condition for her to go to korea, she wasn’t meant to audition according to her parents will. but one of her uni teachers told her about hfe’s audition and she just went for it anyway asdkjhs (her relationship with her parents is fine now). it was just meant to be.

they’ve also mentioned quite a few times that they didn’t just instantly click with each other like that (some members having a cold impression of sua at first, siyeon admitting it took her quite some time to get close with handong, jiu saying she was skeptical about the adittion of handong and gahyeon but soon realised they made the group stronger), they worked on their relationship over time and they wanted to make things work with each other which itself is really important and shows the kind of loving and supportive enviroment they wanted to build for each other (I go a little bit more in depth about their overall story in this post). they’ve made sure to build a really great sense of teamwork with each other since the beginning, from the fact that they had about 2/3 months to prepare for dc’s debut (minx still performed on october 2016 and dc debuted january 2017) alone, they really had to make a conscious choice about it all. honestly one of the things that makes me sure that dc are close is that they don’t hide the negative feelings they sometimes have towards each other (which are normal), they've spoken a few times about silly things that they’ve argued about and have even mentioned that they don’t get the other members involved in the quarrels they’re having with another member to not create more drama than necessary. but you can really see that they love and take of each other in the little things too, not just the (sometimes) fanservice. and by this I mean things like, sua calling handong in the middle of her vlive to go get food for her, dami letting yoohyeon sleep in her bed and going to the living room because she didn’t want to wake her up, siyeon falling asleep on top of yoohyeon and yoohyeon not having the heart to wake her up as well, among many many many things.

but truly they’ve gone through a lot of hardships over the years, including having a member be away and unable to participate in comebacks and group schedules for a whole year (not because of health issues or anything like that, but because of the covid situation that made it impossible for her to fly back to korea), and they got out of that situation being even more appreciative of that member when it could’ve easily been something that could have made them turn on each other. it was a situation that brought them even closer and appreciative of one another. they really want to be on this path together.

as for the queerbaiting bit, I’ve made posts about this before and as I’ve said, it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s fanservice because at the end of the day they’re respectful and caring, and they’re only normalising same sex attraction. they never make you feel gross for that attraction either, they’ve never pulled a ‘no home though’ moment, they continuously sing songs directed at female lovers without changing the pronouns, continuously accept marriage proposals from their female fans, and even when a fan was dubious and said “but we’re two girls” jiu said that it didn’t matter and that love is love, and they’ve said many times that it’s okay for female fans to be nervous around them (aka attracted to them). 

and not that it’s anyone’s business but the members themselves have dropped many hints over the years, from not specifying the gender of their ideal type

“Dreamcatcher Handong, “even if they’re not good-looking, a warm-hearted person is my ideal type.” “My idea type, erm... a warm-hearted person. A person not necessarily need to be good-looking, if they’re warm-hearted they’re a good person” ©

-

Handong: For me, firstly, kind. It would be great if the person has a good personality and is tall.

Gahyeon: For me, because I’m still young I don’t have a definite ideal type. Just someone who smiles prettily and is fun. Ah, if the person has a good voice, it will be good. I like to talk on the phone. ©

-

Jiu: I wish to have someone I can chat non-stop with, and who is also knowledgable and has a good character. I’ve never really thought about an ideal date, but what’s most important is that the atmosphere has to be comfortable!

Yoohyeon: My ideal type is someone who’s like Peter Pan, someone fun-loving and positive! My ideal date location would be Paris, France. It’s a really romantic city! Really look forward to spending time there with the one I love.

Gahyeon: I like someone with a beautiful smile, and someone who can really take care of me.   ©

-

to lowkey admitting a same sex crush (she went to an all girls school as far as we know)

to being uh very straightforward about it

among other things 🐒 I’ve been into kpop for quite a lot of years now and I never experienced a group make this as comfortable as they do honestly. that’s why I say that it doesn’t matter if it is just fanservice, they’re still changing things for the better. but that being said, take your time getting to know them~ I think it’s better that you see it for yourself rather than have someone tell you really

[smallcrystals]

analysing timber spruce time

i don't know if this was intentional or not but i wanna talk about it

so here we have the description of timber's cameo in this short:

i don't think timber is "slightly cowardly" by nature. lemme elaborate.

so, remember what timber did when gloriosa trapping the students?

he runs, grabs his axe and tries to get the students out.

he isn't depicted as cowardly here, in a very serious situation.

keep in mind that timber doesn't have a fucking clue as to what is going on.

his sister apparently found these geodes that can do magic(????) and she's been using them to make this the chs students' best week at camp ever before filthy rich can come and take their land that belongs to the both of them. then, under her increasing stress, she goes and gets the last two geodes that transform her into, essentially, gaea everfree.

but he still goes to help the campers. that's not cowardly. that's not a timber spruce trait we see in legend of everfree. sure, unsolved selfie mysteries can be just showing more insight to his character but why is it that he gets scared at a potential sea monster when he's literally been through this? when he's seen his sister turn into a demon?

trauma.

trauma can lead people to react to even the smallest of things that remind them of what happened before. demon gloriosa vs. "sea monster". timber screaming and hiding behind twilight – and if you focus on him through that part of the short, the boy closes his eyes and shakes – can be seen as a response to what happened at camp everfree.

sci twi has powers and timber knows this, he's literally seen it. she can save people. timber can't do anything. he has tried to before but that led him to being trapped by his own sister. no way is his traumatised mind letting him help again in magic situations when that happened to him. that's probably why he hid behind twilight.

what happens in screenshot 2 isn't uncommon either and it actually fits timber's character. timber has never told anyone "when i was 10 i wanted to sell the camp to go live in the city". it doesn't seem like he's entirely open abt things that make him slightly vulnerable or stuff that's personal to him. trauma is not even "slightly", it is vulnerable state, it is personal.

timber whistling, blushing and looking away could be him trying to sweep his response under the rug and move the attention off himself. the "oh shit how did i let that slip, quick, act normal". that makes sense. maybe timber even did that to be funny, because he does that. try to be funny. perhaps he does it to hide whatever is going on inside his head.

and you know, people do exactly what timber did. there are times where people see stuff that reminds them of their trauma and they respond suddenly, then, if they don't want to talk abt it, they don't. they change the subject, they brush it off.

twilight's reaction is kinda interesting to me. it does make me a little uncomfortable after realising this could have been a trauma response from timber but this could also suggest more abt the point i previously mentioned. twilight may not know what timber's going through. because if she did, she of all people would know how it feels and wouldn't have reacted like that to him. so maybe she doesn't know, maybe timber hasn't told her. that leads us back to my last point that timber doesn't like being vulnerable.

there can be many reasons as to why that's the case. i like to think it's because he's had to grow up fast. you know this point, i've brought it up many times.

he's the younger child. it's common for them to be a lot more vulnerable when it comes to family matters, especially if they're a teenager. but due to his parents' death, he might have thought him being vulnerable and having raw moments of sadness/grief/etc is not going to help gloriosa. growing up fast goes against what should happen, it speeds up a process that shouldn't be sped up. maturity is different for everyone and forcing it isn't good. if sped up, you can get reprocussions or side effects. this might be it.

but yeah, i'm definitely convinced timber's response here was not one out of natural cowardice but bc of his trauma. it makes sense why he would be scared, even if it turns out not to be anything scary. he's young and had to take in a lot of stuff at once, like magic existing and trying to figure out if it's bad or not, and then the climax of LoE.

i don't know, it's just something i noticed and i hope you guys can see what i mean!! it might be that i went way too far into his character but i won't turn down the possibilities. i am a writer, after all.

(people should also stop making fun of him for it, self explanatory. but that is a rant for another day lol.)

anyways, i love timber and want to give him the biggest hug :(

[iturbide]

Ok so I've been stewing on this concept for awhile but. Ok so we got regular Naga who chose humanity, then F!Naga who degenerated, but what if there was a Naga who chose *Tiki* over both her responsibilities to her tribe and humanity, but ultimately this backfired bc both groups felt like she abandoned them and in the ensuing conflict she lost Tiki to them? I imagine this Naga would be super bitter about both dragons and humans and not believe in either anymore bc both are equally reprehensible in her eyes. That being said, in her travels around the world she finds Grimm when they're still a baby and chooses to raise them better than her peers were. btw REALLY love all your stuff ��

I’m so glad you enjoy the stuff here because there is a lot of it and it’s all text walls so I really appreciate the people that read all of these words.

But this concept is something that I can 100% get behind as an off the wall AU I mean holy WOW

We’ve seen Naga’s that chose humanity over everything, including her own people (Fallen!Naga), we’ve seen Naga’s that tried to take a middle route and ended up favoring humans anyway (regular!Naga), but a Naga that actually chose Tiki?  One who decided to roll the dice and let her daughter grow up normally?  That’s something that we haven’t seen yet.

Given that Naga is the chief of the Divine Dragons, she might not go so far as to forsake even her people over her daughter, but she would place her daughter’s safety over humanity.  The destruction of Thabes would likely still occur since that was a matter of Duma thinking humans posed a threat to the remaining dragons (though with Tiki still awake, he had even more to protect, since I still believe it makes sense to place Duma and Mila’s exile after the Dragon War, meaning dragon births have almost completely stopped), but this would end up being an even bigger disaster for dragons in the long run than in the regular!Naga continuity.

Here’s the thing about the regular timeline in Archanea: when it’s set up in a certain way, lots of things end up having a cause and effect relationship.  For example:

Because dragons spent a very long time being the effective rulers of the land, when humans began to spread and develop, there were many mixed feelings among the different tribes: some felt disdain for this new weak creatures (Earth Dragons), others felt curiosity and of them and sought to encourage their development (Divine Dragons).  This directly predisposes humanity to favor those tribes that aid them while fearing those that don’t.

Because of the threat degeneration and its side-effects (like falling fertility rates) posed to dragons, the Divine Dragon tribe encouraged their fellow dragons to adopt dragonstones to stave it off; the aforementioned disdain held by other tribes led them to resist and directly caused the Dragon War as degeneration ran rampant among those dragons, leading the Divine Dragons to seal them in the Dragon’s Table.

On a related note, because Naga chose to make Medeus -- the last surviving Earth Dragon who had chosen to use a dragonstone -- the guard of the Dragon’s Table, he got to witness humanity’s mistreatment of dragons in the centuries after, directly fueling his hatred and the eventual decision to found the Dolhr Empire.

Because of the vicious war that provided ample evidence of what happened when dragons degenerated, Naga made the difficult decision to put her infant daughter Tiki -- a miracle birth, given the falling fertility rates among dragon kind -- to sleep for fear that if her powers went out of control even with a dragonstone, the damage would be catastrophic. 

Having born witness to the war between dragons that wrought havoc across the continent, humans decided they needed a way to defend themselves; in Thabes, this led to the Senate allowing Forneus to conduct his experiments that eventually gave rise to Grima.

By the same logic, the Dragon War decimated the Divine Dragon population; on hearing that humans were trying to create something that could fight dragons, Duma -- already hailed as the Kingshield owing to his defense of the tribe -- elected to raze the city where the weapon was being created to preserve what was left of the tribe.

This, in turn, led to his falling out with Naga and his exile with his sister to Valentia, and we all know how that went. 

Even if she didn’t do it intentionally, the vast majority of Naga’s actions related to and surrounding the Dragon War could be construed by humans to be in their favor.  That apparent favor by the Divine Dragon Naga led them to enshrine her as a goddess.

This view of her as a goddess, coupled with the pact she forges in her conflict with Grima, eventually leads them to establish a theocracy known as the Halidom of Ylisse where the “divine right of kings” is associated with her brand.

Everything is related.  Which means that one little change throws events into chaos.  In the normal timeline, humanity saw Naga seal her own daughter and exile her best friends and decided that she was staunchly on their side; by not sealing Tiki before the events at Thabes, even if she still exiled Duma and Mila, humanity would have reason to remain wary since there are still very powerful dragons that remain in the tribe, which puts them at risk.  Given that Duma destroyed their one potential means of defending themselves, humans might plead with Naga to eliminate any remaining threats to them -- and when she refuses to do so, knowing what it would mean for her daughter, the last of the Divine Dragons would suddenly find themselves beset by humanity...and in spite of their individual strength, what few remained would be hard-pressed to take on so many humans, armed and armored and working together. 

Naga likely would not be revered as a goddess in the eyes of mankind: instead, she would be considered just another powerful draconic threat.  Losing Tiki, likely to captivity by humans, would be a devastating blow for her, and one that ultimately leads to the dissolution of the Tribe and the scattering of all the dragons that remain.  Naga would likely do her best to retreat from humanity, since they were responsible for taking her daughter -- which could very well lead her to the ruins of Thabes, lost to the sands and long uninhabited...where she would find the odd little dragon crying in the labyrinth.  She lost her daughter, true -- but she would do her best to protect that strange little one, in hopes of keeping the tragedies of the past from recurring.

[katiekitty261]

Extraordinary//Young!Michael Langdon x Fem!Reader

Request- Could you write a young Michael fic where the reader comforts him while he’s learning how to use his powers and her just being so proud of him 24/7 and encouraging him and it’s really fluffy like y’all are THAT couple bc I’m sorry young Michael’s vulnerable ass gets soooo attached to the people he loves and if he can tell you’re genuine? He’s yours for life and that the tea. 

____________________________ 

This is literally the sweetest thing I've ever written. 

Warnings- f l u f f 

Word Count- 2500+ 

“We don’t typically allow women here…” one of the leaders spoke, staring at me uncomfortably.

“Michael refuses to stay unless she is allowed to stay with him…” the instructor who brought me here said.

I stood next to Michael gripping the sleeve of his suit jacket. He smiled at me softly.

“So be it. She can stay, as long as she stays by his side. I don’t trust any of these boys around here…”

“Wonderful. Let me show you guys to your room. Now, because of these… special circumstances, you are staying in a private room. We can’t have the others left alone with a girl. Much too vulnerable.”

I bit my lip, I had to admit I was nervous. When Michael came to my door I was surprised to see him. He was my neighbor, he had always been the quiet and reserved type. I was infatuated with him though, the way his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, his smile he let slip occasionally.

We became friends quickly, we usually stayed outside together, taking walks or lounging on the porch. He was shy at first, but he blossomed like a rose once he felt comfortable around me.

It made my heart soar, I always knew there was something special about Michael, and it made me happy he felt comfortable around me.

I definitely had a little crush on him. Ok, maybe more than a little crush. But who could blame me? Usually, he came to see me in the evenings, Ms. Mead, who I came to know as his adoptive mother was cautious around me at first. Protective of him. Once she got to know me, and she knew my intentions were genuine she happily let Michael see me.

The night I realized I was in love with Michael, we were watching the sunset. Laying in the grass in my backyard I was on my side facing Michael, he was on his back.

“(Y/N),” he asked turning to face me.

“Mhm?” I said, enjoying the way his hair fell around his face, his hair was one of my favorite features on him.

“Do you… care about me?”

I was taken aback by his question. He was never this forward with me.

“Of course Michael. Why? Do you think I don’t care about you?”

“No it’s not that…” he said softly. He gently raised his hand to my face, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I could feel my face heat up as his fingers gently grazed my skin.

“Then what is it?”

Michael sat up, facing away from me. I sat up too, placing a hand gently on his shoulder.

“What is it, Michael?” I asked again, I heard him sigh. He was clenching his fists again.

He turned to me and before I knew it he placed his hand on my face and pulled me into a kiss.

I was shocked at first. Michael was kissing me. Like, actually kissing me. He pulled away much quicker than I would’ve liked.

“I-I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that…” he said awkwardly, his eyes searching my face as I stared at him.

I shook my head and smiled, finding my bravery and kissing him again. This time, I closed my eyes and felt the softness of his velvet lips on mine. He kissed me gently at first, before wholeheartedly embracing me, wrapping his arms around me, I did the same, my fingers laced in his hair, feeling the softness of the waves I had dreamt about running my fingers through. My heart was beating fast in my chest, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything except the feeling of him against me. He held me tightly, kissing me like his life depended on it.

By the time he finally pulled away, the sun had completely set in the sky.

I gently touched my lips, swollen from the intensity of his kiss. He smiled at me broadly. His eyes crinkled at the edges in an endearing way.

“(Y/N),” he said as he took my hands in his. Sitting on his knees In front of me.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

I had never felt as happy as I did then at that moment. I excitedly wrapped my arms around his neck and he fell backward into the grass, with me practically on top of him.

“I love you too Michael… I love you so much…” I could feel tears start to form in my eyes at my confession. I hadn’t realized it until now, but I had been in love with him the entire time I’d known him.

There was always something about Michael Langdon that drew me in. He was like a drug that I never wanted to stop taking. A high I felt every minute we spent together. I could’ve died at this moment and been okay with it.

Michael wrapped himself around me again, holding me tightly to his chest.

“I’m never letting you go (Y/N)...”

_________________

It had been over a week since I had last seen or heard from Michael. It was making me feel increasingly nervous as the days went on. I knocked on his door, but no one answered. I was initially worried he had changed his mind about me, but I brushed that thought off. Michael had a habit of getting himself into trouble, and he would never tell me about it. It worried me, but I wasn’t going to pry in his business.

The most intimate thing I knew that he didn’t really tell me about was his mother's particular religion. I didn’t really care. Who am I to judge? But Michael wasn’t happy when I found out, but he seemed relieved in a way. It didn’t change how I saw him, he was still Michael Langdon to me. The beautiful boy from next door.

And then one day, he showed up.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief when I opened the front door to see him standing there.

He was wearing a suit, with a satin bow tied around his neck. His hair was styled instead of his usually messy curls. it took my breath away.

Then I noticed the cut on his cheek, healing but still noticeable.

“Michael are you ok?” I asked as I looked up At him with worry, I went to touch his face but he grabbed my hand. He held it in his for a moment.

“I’m the best I’ve ever been.”

I didn’t believe Michael when he told me He was some sort of wizard or something. A warlock, he called himself.

“Trust me.” He said as he took my hand and lead me to the car.

“Where are we going?” I pulled him to a stop. “A school. They’re going to teach me to use my power…” he said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I don’t understand Michael. What do you mean?” I was utterly confused at this point.

He smiled at me affectionately as he took my hands in his.

“Look,” he spoke softly, gesturing to the front door. It swung open like a gust of wind had blown it open, and then my bag literally floated out of the door.

“What the fuck,” I said dumbfounded, he waved his hand again, making the bag float it’s way over to our side.

“You’re already packed, let’s go. I’m not leaving without you.” he began to usher me into the car.

I was speechless, my brain trying to find a solution to what Michael just did, but I blanked.

“Trust me (Y/N), you’ll figure it out soon enough.” He slid into the back seat next to me. taking my hand in his, he kissed my forehead. It was comforting. I felt all the anxiety I had built up inside me while he was gone melt away with his touch.

“I trust you…” I said softly, eyeing the man in the front seat driving. He was stoic but seemed friendly enough.

“Don’t worry Ms. (Y/L/N),” he spoke up, “No harm will come to you and Mr. Langdon. He has an extraordinary gift, and we want to help him learn and expand his abilities.”

________

“This will be your room.” He led us into a wide open space, a queen sized bed sat in the middle of the room. Not much else decorated the room except a desk, dresser, and a fireplace that wasn’t lit.

“It’s a little dark,” I said laughing a little. The instructor smiled at me and waved his hand. The fireplace burst into flame. Michael and I both looked at each other, I was more surprised than he was.

“That was cool! Can I try?” Michael said excitedly. I wasn’t used to him being so enthusiastic about something, except maybe breakfast. The Instructor smiled at him and made the same gesture. This time extinguished the flame.

“Concentrate on what you want to happen Michael.” He spoke, Michael let go of my hand and looked at me reassuringly.

Michael stepped away from me, taking a focusing breath, before stretching his hand toward the fireplace, within a second it burst into flame again.

“Impressive-” The instructor started to say, but Michael wasn’t finished. He waved his hand again and the flames turned from their orange hue to a brilliant pink.

‘Wow…” I stared in shock, Michael smiled at me triumphantly.

“You show a lot of promise Michael. I know you will do great here. Dinner for everyone is at 6. Ms. (Y/N), If anyone bothers you please let one of the heads know. They will be punished accordingly.” He said as he left the room, shutting the heavy door behind him.

“Michael I really can’t believe all this… I mean, I knew you were special… but wow.”  I said as a gazed into the flickering pink flames.

Michael smiled at me again, I had never seen him smile so much and it was making my heart happy.

“I’m glad you are with me.” He said softly, I nodded.

I walked up to his side and gently caressed his cheek where the cut was.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked again, he shook his head.

“I’m sure you’ll hear someone say something about it…” He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling me down next to him.

“It’s ok, you can tell me anything.”

Michael explained to me what happened that day in the grocery store. How the butcher rudely insulted his mother, and how he couldn’t control his anger. He told me, again and again, he didn’t know what he was doing, and it just happened so fast. I should’ve felt shocked, scared even. Michael had admitted that he had killed someone.

I just didn’t.

“He was a dick anyways,” I said, Michael looked up at me and laughed. A tear streaked down his cheek.

He pulled me into a kiss again. I gently wiped his tears away as I kissed him, resting my other hand on his chest as he kissed me, slowly picking up the pace. He bit my bottom lip gently, sending my brain into a frenzy.

We continued to kiss like this for several minutes, I could feel myself losing my grip on reality as his placed soft kisses on my neck, the sensitive skin tingling with his touch. He brought his lips up to my ear, before whispering “I missed you,” In a voice that made me melt.

I was shaking by the time he stopped kissing me, my breathing ragged and my heart pounding. Michael smirked at my appearance.

“No one is allowed to touch you except me.” He said in a serious tone, I nodded.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way, you’re the only one I want Michael."  

_______________________________________________________

After a few weeks, Michael was surpassing everyone. Even people who had been here many months more than him. He was becoming a man I greatly admired, his confidence had grown tenfold and his personality showed it. He went from the timid Michael that I knew most of the time to a much more confident, almost cocky Michael. He strode around the school, confidence in every step he took.

It was actually very sexy.

It was becoming increasingly harder for me to keep my hands off him, especially at night when we were alone. Sleeping in the same bed with him was becoming a monumental task of personal willpower.

I wasn’t really experienced in the realm of sex, and I wasn’t sure about Michael. I wasn’t going to make a move on him until he did. He didn’t exactly make it easy for me. The other night he changed in front of me, making sure he watched my eyes as he unbuttoned his shirt agonizingly slow. I could've sworn my nose was bleeding by the end of it. He laughed. That didn’t help either.

I usually followed him to all his classes, per the instructor's rules. Leaving Michaels side wasn’t recommended. I knew why, too. Some of the boys here where downright gross. Everyone that even looked at me wrong got a glare from Michael if they were lucky. The unlucky ones tended to get more than they bargained for.

After more than one incident of boys mysteriously flying across the room and hitting a wall, the others stopped messing around.

One thing I had learned about Michael during our time here, was that he loved to show off. If someone did something, he always made a point to do it better. I was constantly impressed by him.

On the rare occasion that he had trouble, I was always by his side. A soothing touch always brought him peace.

Some of the guys didn’t go after me. Some of them went after Michael. It was entertaining most of the time. Like the time a boy was sitting next to me while Michael was doing something with one of the instructors, he whispered in my ear.

“Damn girl… I can’t believe you get that all to yourself.”

I burst out laughing in the quiet room. Michael quirked an eyebrow at me and smiled to himself. I knew without a doubt he had heard, he always listened to what was going on around me.

“I don’t know either,” I responded honestly.  Michael was definitely a man no one could resist.

Other times, It was a little less entertaining. No one was stupid enough to touch him but they definitely undressed him with their eyes on many occasions. I know Michael noticed too, his eyes would find mine in the room and he’d give me a knowing look.

I was jealous too, everyone here was talented. I wished I had been special too. I was bland if I compared myself to anyone else here. I felt insecure about it. I worried I wasn’t good enough for him. I knew female witches existed, but I had never met one. I didn’t express my thoughts to Michael about myself, but he always made a point to reassure me. He whispered that he loved me every moment he could, left marks on my skin that showed everyone I belonged to him.

“You guys are disgustingly sweet.” One of the boys said one morning during breakfast. I was resting my head on Michael, his arm was wrapped around me protectively.  

“I’ve got to keep what’s mine.” He smiled down at me and placed a quick kiss on my lips.

Multiple groans rang out from the table, and I laughed.

“If you had someone like this you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off them either,” I said, a few nodded in agreement.

“Live your best life girl.” The same guy from before said, this time making Michael laugh.

It was my favorite sound to hear. I was infatuated, Michael was becoming the person he was always meant to be. I got to be by his side, and for that, I was eternally grateful for.

__________________________ 

I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS!!!!! 

I am actually very proud of this. Let me know if you like a part 2 (just kidding I'm definitely writing a part 2 and that baby is gonna be smut) 

Like, reblog and comment as your heart desires. 

Tags-  

@disa @18394920 @Awkwardly-sophisticated @precious-bands-love

@madhatterweasley @sweatycolorbasketballeggs @frenchzodiacgirl

@moonagecordelia @kuro212 @crybabycth

If it didn’t let me tag you I died inside. (Ask if you want to be tagged for future fics) 

[trashcat-hiss]

Not sure why I decided to watch Horse Girl alone.

... it was probably because I'm ashamed to watch things that relatable with my partner.

The first half of the movie was more relatable, because I don't remember my early psychotic states that well, the ones from childhood and teenage years that had similar themes. I know I believed a lot of similar things as the latter half of the movie, but it's easy to convince yourself that conspiracies are true when you're desperate for reality to be false.

The themes of time loops, losing oneself to not knowing what is real and what is dream, losing time altogether... those things still affect me pretty hard. My partner helps with a lot of reality checking and lost time, and he's compassionate about it and knows how important it is to not gaslight, even if a lie would feel more comfortable than the truth. [I think my mother warping reality "for my benefit" made things much worse in the end. imho it led to dissociative states, knowing what's real or not, etc much worse.]

I hate that I have to rely on someone else for knowing reality, esp after many many people have used my inability to do so for their own shitty purposes, but I'm grateful that my partner handles it with grace, like it's a normal part of a relationship.

I'm not sure why the film is being marketed as part comedy, it was full fucking drama for me. Even the soundtrack is eerily spot on for how I feel a lot of the time.

I'm not sure if watching it was self-harm. I'm writing this out because I can feel I'm dissociated, but I can type, and that feels like a thread of realness I can hang on to.

I've had so many weird MI symptoms come and go in my life, and worrying about family history (and if I'm gonna end up like one relative or another) was also a fear that was prodded in Horse Girl.

I did two degrees in mental health (ideally to help others but also) to figure out what was wrong with me, to try and keep things from getting worse... and I think working in the field ended up backfiring terribly. The MH professionals in the film were a little too real, as in they just can't really fathom what it's like to experience these symptoms or understand how the people with them are grasping at anything that feels like it makes sense. I think it's just a human thing to want to create logic for what is illogical.

I didn't remember having symptoms like this at all until watching this film. It feels both like another person experienced that past -and yet- I'm having body symptoms that are something like a partial flashback.

I'm tired and I want to go to sleep, but I'm afraid of where I'll go in dreams, esp bc they've been vivid the past few sleep periods. I have been able to know what is dream and what is real, but the emotions linger.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this to my main blog. I don't usually talk about these kinds of things here. Maybe I just feel like it's okay to risk being seen. Maybe I want to be seen. Just because I have certain symptoms doesn't negate the things I experiences that I usually put on this blog.

Why did I do this to myself?

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hey, would you mind typing me? I'm really sorry if this sounds awkward or overly formal. It's kind of just how I write because I have a rough time finding the right way to phrase things so I usually end up being too casual, too formal, or a weird mix of both. I structured this ahead of time but it ended up being scattered anyway and it's kind of long. 1. I have difficulty keeping one interest for a long time. I've been interested in MBTI for long enough that it'll stick, but I haven't (1/8)

really typed myself. The only two things I have some certainty over is that I don't have high fe(Put shortly, I have little ability to understand social customs or what is expected of me and get frustrated because of this. I care about how others are affected by my actions, but even when I'm trying to be conscious of it, I can't even reasonably guess at how they are unless it's obvious. I tend to not be very helpful when comforting people because I'm not sure how they want to be comforted) (2/8)

and my perceiving axis is probably Si/Ne but I'm not sure of the order. Either of these conclusions could be wrong. 2. For the following, I believe this is the case for most people, but thought process may be different. During a conflict, I get frustrated when the line of communication isn't open. This includes when I am not strongly involved and otherwise. To give a few examples, a. One of my friends(f1) complained for about a week about being upset with another friend(f2). When f2 told (3/8)

some of my friends and I that he was upset over f1 being mad at him, I told him why f1 was mad. While usually I hate meddling in other people's business or sharing things I'm not sure someone wants to be shared, it didn't make sense to me that f1 hadn't told f2 why he was mad. It didn't allow for any resolution, only for more confusion and pointless conflict. b. For an argument where I was more involved - my sister and I are very close. At one point we had a fight, she told me she'd been (4/8)

upset with me for a long while. I was distraught by this because at the time I couldn't remember what I'd done for her to be this mad and because if she'd been mad for that long, it didn't make sense to me that she wouldn't express it. Now I look back and realize that I'd been sort of lashing out at times for seemingly no reason(I was overwhelmed because I had been constantly doing things for days with no time to process in between. This is not to say I'm an introvert in mbti, there are (5/8)

other things that could point to the reverse that I touch upon later) 3. This is not to say I hate conflict in general, because I really don't. Usually, but not always, I'm pretty honest in expressing my thoughts on a subject whether or not others that are present think differently. I'll try not to be rude about it, but I have a rough time outright lying to people. I'm also a bad liar so there's that. 4. I'm a pretty vocal person, sometimes annoyingly so. Some comments people have had on (6/8)the way I talk is that I'll say a lot in a burst, then suddenly pull back. This isn't inaccurate, but I also just sometimes talk a lot in a flow and not stop until the other person looks like they want to say something. 5. I'm sort of detail-oriented. I like refining a project and trying to get everything done correctly, but I recognize time constraints and that there is a point at which it's impossible. I can recognize that some of my work is just busy work, but I don't mind doing it (7/8)

bc grades. 6. Enneagram is really hard for me to pin down. My fear is of literal nothingness or of not having control over myself and, by extension, what's going on around me. To deal with this, I avoid thinking about it by distracting myself. To me, this sounds like 7 or 8, but my behavior doesn't fit either type. I'm not super impulsive and not directly confrontational and in charge. Sorry if this isn't enough to type, also, forgot to push anon once. Thank you in advance. (8/8)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This is interesting because usually my first thought when people apologize multiple times throughout the post my first thought is high Fe, and my second thought is dom Fi. The part about the friends sounds more like a thinker in that you’re going to the logical solution without entirely considering the interpersonal politics and motivations that may have led to this.

Beyond that however this comes off as just very...indecisive? There’s a lot of hedging and talking about what you aren’t but not much about what you are, and the examples outside of the ones about your friends and sister are fairly minimal. You mention Si-Ne but I can’t really get a sense of any specific perceiving functions for this. I also suspect you’re introverted in part because of that indecision; even though Ne-doms can be indecisive, you really do not sound like an Ne-dom to me.

The part about enneagram does not sound like 7 or 8 to me; distracting one’s self is extremely normal stress behavior for all people. I would dig into it but my guess is 6 and it’s less a fear of lack of personal control over the situation and more a fear of the situation spiralling out of control and you being unable to do anything in response. This does indicate I probably need to do another enneagram review because based on my questions this week there are some really weird ideas still going around.

Anyway, for MBTI I find myself also kind of working from a position of what you’re not. You don’t strike me as intuitive from what you’ve said here, nor high Te. My guesses would be either ISFJ or ISFP actually, for different reasons; I would also not rule out ISTP. The FAQ has some Si vs. Se stuff, or if you can provide more information that you think would be relevant to Si/Se I can try to narrow things down.

One thing I think worth noting is that a good deal of what I’d consider good reading of people/situations is the ability to know that you need to use your words. Reading, after all, involves several parts: understanding what’s going on, and understanding what to do in response. For example, most people over the age of 5 can recognize basic emotions, like sadness, in others. People who are very observant can often pick up on more subtle tells of more complicated or deliberately hidden emotions. However, it’s much harder to know what to do. Some sad people want a hug. Some sad people want to be left alone. And if you give a hug to someone who wants to be left alone or vice versa, you read the emotion right but you misread the appropriate response, and it takes a decent amount of self-awareness to recognize “oh hey this person is sad and I don’t know what to do” vs assuming you do know what to do.