#bc no. in fact. i didnt. not only was i off for a week during the holidays and sick for two weeks

[your-jellyfish-senpai]

I've put over 20 hours into this one project at work and the client is so annoying to work with, they're inconsistent and not very understanding of what we actually do, and they act nice but are actually insufferable, and they just sent an email asking about a separate project, which I was supposed to work on but never got any information on from my team, so sucks to suck, I'm not doing it, not right now at least, and god I just want to be done with them

[desire-mona]

more modern poets hcs for greenie!

charlie -

charlie used to post like "annoying gay ppl vs normal gay ppl" memes, had a huge turnaround and they cringe when they think of that time. mentioning blaire white or kalvin garrah would make him jump

has an "i <3 milfs" design of every article of clothing, could make an entire i <3 milfs outfit. shirt, hat, pants, socks, belt, shoes, hoodie, you name it.

todd -

todd is nonbinary bc he is autistic and autistic ppl generally view gender differently. not debating this. this is a fact and this is canon. they/he/she todd anderson, what of it.

chronic procrastinator when it comes to anything besides school. they will put off doctors appointments, finishing tv shows, even charging their phone.

neil -

doesnt use tiktok but he watches todd scroll thru her fyp sometimes and gets very mad at those "acting pov" videos. hes like "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ACTING POINT OF VIEW" "POINT OF VIEW YOU ONLY HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF WORDS???????? WHAT DOES THAT MEEEEEAN"

i see ppl saying that neil would be a swiftie but i would like to suggest that he's a big ethel cain fan, a collection of songs that tell a fictional character's story? tell me thats not right up his alley

meeks -

i dont think this is the type of math meeks bases a career off of but i do think he rly pays attention to architecture and city layouts and stuff. will forever complain abt how inconvenient it is to have a car centered society and how every place should be walkable OR have public transport

collects records despite not having a record player, tapes despite not having a walkman, and cds despite using his cd player maybe 3 times a year. quite honestly its just to have a physical collection of his music taste

pitts -

pitts went thru a "nice guy/ vaguely incel-ular" phase in middle school, but he didnt talk to a singular woman in those years. by the time it went away there was no harm done to anyone but himself and a very annoyed meeks who had to listen to how girls "only go for assholes"

he has a fashion sense so good that ppl online *ask* him to post fit checks, he doesnt do any if theyre not requested of him. pitts is also the one with the biggest online presence, most notably tiktok and twitter

knox -

type of guy to constantly post shit like "like for a tbh" or post anonymous question things on his story. nobody interacts with any of it so he usually just deletes them after half a day

haaaaaaaates texting and will either send very long voice messages or just ask to call whoever he's talking to (me fr i send ppl voice msgs almost exclusively)

cameron -

cam is suuuuuuuper creeped out by ai "art", especially the ai washing feet commercial during the superbowl, which he had nightmares about for a week

his parents are constantly trying weird diets (most notably keto) so he has the weirdest assortment of random ingredients in his pantry. has come up with the strangest "meals" any one of those boys have ever seen

[danvillecheese]

why do u think act ur age is fucked

[cracks knuckles] alright. essay time. you asked for it.

I’ve done a similar response to this before here and mentioned something else about it here but I’ll go over it again since those posts are both from a while ago. also bear in mind I haven’t seen aya recently bc I don’t like it. okay let’s get into it

[also im gonna preface this saying maybe i sound very pessimistic but im ranting and its just gonna sound like im complaining because i am. i mean no real malice by the way. im simply a person with a blog.]

first off. they don’t use the show don’t tell as well as they could. in the what might have been montage, sure, they showed potential scenarios and how phineas felt (very briefly) when isa stopped visiting his backyard but it just feels so rushed. I get that they only had like 11 minutes to show it but idk there has to be another way to write it. or just not have it at all idk its just from a writing point of view the whole episode feels rushed and out of place from everything else continuity-wise. why not use little easter eggs planted in the show beforehand? operation crumbcake? pharmacists? meapless in seattle? god theres so many episodes with evidence that phineas liked her back even if he didnt know. just. continuity!!!!

second. why did their friends not try something sooner. it’s not like they didn’t know. like phineas seems to be okay with saying “i wish! i am so in the friend zone there” in front of his friends (that quote alone makes me lose my shit but that’s a whole other point) so clearly they knew about phineas. and isabella also wasn’t quiet about it (source: pnf s1-4). they had like four years of high school to do something and they planned it the day isa left for college? nah its just the least realistic thing ever for me. also them being 18 is like yeah okay maybe the slow burn was worth it and theyre way more grown up (i love a good slowburn) but ohhhhhh my god SURELY their friends were getting sick of them dancing around each other. just me?

third. and I’m sorry to ash simpson but oh my god I hate the character designs like They Would Not Fucking Look Like That. it almost feels like it completely disregards their arcs during the original summer. like yeah child chub disappears over ur teen years but sometimes it stays a little longer! make phineas less twiggy!! make isa look more like her mother! (am i about to redesign them again? whoops)

four. and i know this is no fault of dan and swampy but the show was about to end anyways and yet the entire friend group was paired off into hetero ships?? get fucking real. none of those kids are straight. realistically, i know it was a different time and gay marriage wasnt even legal in the us yet so it wasnt all that common to have queer romance on screen let alone on disney channel but like i said, the show was about to end. what were the disney channel execs gonna do? cancel it? lmao

five. "I am so in the friend zone there." "we are guys. we do not talk about our feelings." WHAT!!! i cant believe this shit is real. these lines of dialogue are canon. what the hell. what kind of message does that even send to younger, impressionable viewers? if ur a 10 year old boy watching that (ok fine maybe that isnt gonna stick with you forever but listen) and you go 'oh its okay to just bottle everything up and not tell my friends about my feelings about anything ever' that is insane! thats not how things should go!! like i get the whole "im so in the friend zone" and yes, this also has to do with the era but like if they wanted to be a more progressive cartoon that kids look up to and enjoy maybe they just. shouldn't have put that whole conversation in.

i barely have any problems with the b plot. in fact id watch the episode just for the kazoo solo. because that plot lines up with the continuity. i can totally see heinz having bowling night with perry and carl and monogram every week! i can totally see perry and monogram retired! and carl running owca and getting payed for it! that all checks out! that one makes sense and works with the canon! if they got that plot so right how did they get the a plot so wrong?

i can answer this question: fanservice. its an awful word, i know. act your age is a fanservicey episode which is why i think it crashed and burned. mml season 2 is rooted in the same issue: doof is very present and takes away from the original plot of the show. like, the one he wasnt even in until the last episode of s1. slightly getting off topic but it is the crux of the issue. fanservice doesnt make for good storytelling. even if it brings in the big bucks. at its core, telling the story the way it should be told is the best one. even if it pisses people off. a good portion of the viewers will still appreciate whatever ending the creators come up with. and no, im not saying phinbella shouldn't have become canon, in fact i really like the ship and all their dynamics, i just think they went about it the wrong way.

as someone who's written and published fic about them getting together in different universes (granted, they were from when i was younger so its mildly terrible. take them with a grain of salt) there are a lot of other ways to tell that story canonically. honestly, i think the best way of doing it was to keep it ambiguous. dont tell that story. let the viewers pick their own ending for phineas and isabella. maybe they dont get together after all. who knows!

thanks for the ask! hope you had fun getting lectured <3

[kiwibirb1]

Okay here to create an entire au based on just one song lyric but:

"What if the protagonists just died in the first scene?"

Anne did NOT survive that first week. But the guardian is like "shit didnt think this far ahead ummm ghost?" So Anne is this visible but *mostly intanglibe spirit. she panics at first bc "OMF I DIED" but gets used to it. shes visible, can still interact with people. she has cool ghost powers now. aint all that bad, aint it?

*If she focuses reallyyyyy hard than she can get like. half an hour of tangibleness. MAX

anyway now to over exlpain stuff as it pops into my head but ill put it under the cut dont worry. got the basic stuff anyway alwaredy

So: Reunion. Anne of the year happens and stuff and Toadie is like "some one says their a friend" yada yada yada stuff so anne is still ghost when she goes up to sasha. BUT she has learned that its best to pretend to be alive at least when approaching someone so she float walks up (looks like shes walking but is actaully floating) and then realizes its sasha and goes "Oh shit" and tangibles herself just before the hug. during the ride she lets herself go untangible but still trys to keep herself not see through so sasha doesnt know whats up. anyway while theyre at toad tower she tangibles but is really fucking tired most of the time. fight happens and anne is holding on with everything shes got. except she can feel herself losing focus. Sasha says the whole 'better off without me" line but right before she can let herself go Anne goes intangible again so sasha drops but she knows she was still holding on and she could feel anne so what happened? sasha has a lot of questions. Anne has extra grief bc she was the one who dropped sash. yeah...

Marcy at the gates! Anne is fully prepared to float over the wall and stuff but doesnt bc fam is in danger and oh hey theyre saved and thats a weird looking newt let me float over and help them but- oh. that is a human. who has just seen me be very much not alive. shit.

Anne pretends that nothing happened for a bit and goes tangible and all that while theyre doing the barbirant quest thing. Marcy is like "well, since she's not mentioning it, I must have imagined it!" Until that one bit where Marcy like shoves Anne out of the way. And just goes straight through her. Both girls eyes widen as they process what just happened but Anne takes control and is like "I'LL EXPLAIN LATER LETS FOCUS ON THE FIGHT RN" so yada yada yada thing happens except Anne kinda hides ghostyness a little less bc the secret is already out, not much you can do now. After fight she explains and marcy is broken. She brought her best friend here and now shes dead. She killed her best friend. Breaks so hard in fact that she spills the secret to Anne who is like "what. i- i need time to think" so they dont talk for multiple days besides the king andrias meeting**. Anne eventually lets Marcy explain why and friendship is very strained but Anne learns to move on. Not forgive, not yet, maybe not even ever, but move on. It happened, and all she can do now is deal with the consequences.

**CORE LORE HEHEHE. So actaully gonna slightly change some core lore and shit. Anne takes one look at the crown and it like "that thing is evil and I dont know why" bc she has some extra spirit senses now. She tries to focus in on it and her eyes flash blue for a second and she catches a glimpse of thousands of orange spirits, all with to many eyes, floating around the crown and whispering in Andrias's ears. She cant see them again, but is very suspicious of Andrias now. Thankfully, the core didn't see her. Or did it?

One little spirit, mostly ignored by the rest, saw her looking. For some reason, it doesn't feel compelled to tell the rest of the hivemind. It knows they wont look in it's mind, it has long lost all usefullness, only around because it was forgotten. It itself can't connect with the rest, and has no reason to want to. It follows Anne, leaving the core behind. It watches, silent. Until one day, Anne catches a glimpse of it following her. She doesnt day anything until she is alone. She calls out, "I know you're there." It is surprised, but becomes visible to her. (only her. thats important. but yeah the core ghosts have more control over theyre visiblity and shit.) She is surprised. It seems... so small. "Who are you?" It seems to think. It does not know. It's name has long faded from memory. It tells her so, and she softens just a bit more. "What are you?" It perks up. This it knows the answer to! It tells her of the Core, the collection of Amphibia's greatest minds. She understands why she dislikes the crown now, and what she saw that day. But she also knows that this little fellow wont hurt her.

Anne has a little ghost buddy now. She names it Clementine. (It's faintly orange, just like all the other Core ghosts, but slightly less as it is nearly entirely removed from the hivemind.)

[idgivemyeyesfor-mattmurdock]

Hey, I have a Matt x Fem.reader request.

After a visit to St. Agnes you gush about the kids you spent the day with and how nice it would be to have a child. Matt wants to start a family with her.

I love Matt as a dad how he takes care of his partner and is sweet with kids

A/N: OMG! I absolutely love this one<3 it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Fun fact— so I spent about a day and half brainstorming this requests bc I had too many ideas for just one, one-shot and THEN i read it again today and realized I completely read the request wrong! (Correct me if I’m wrong, but “St.Agnes” is the church is NY? thats how i’ve written it but if its an actual place just lmk lol) 

requests pt1: TAKING REQUESTS!

matt murdock X fem!reader

warnings: literally if you are allergic to fluff i do not recommend this fan fiction. it triggers the butterflies in your stomach<3

A/N: my first request! give me some feedback and maybe what you guys want to see hehe i’m open to anything

 ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Sunday mornings for Matt and you were always one of your favorites. Sure, after Matt coming back from dare-deviling was always interesting and… passionate in some sort of way, or you and Matt going out after work, or seeing his face brighten when you would visit him at the office. Those were all times that you’d probably add in the ‘top ten moments’ with my boyfriend. But, putting all of those moments aside; Sunday mornings were angelic. 

You two could wake up, have coffee and sit down in the couch of his living room— well, by the time you two sat on the couch  Matt would’ve already been bolted with energy  by just inhaling the caffeine particles from the air. But you’d make him have the coffee anyways because in an hour he’d complain about his headache and you’d have to come to the rescue with some sort of form of caffeine. 

 After, you’d get ready, dab some makeup on your face, and tie your hair into a messy bun and slip on a necklace of a golden around your neck, which Matt had given you as an anniversary present once. 

You would help Matt slip his tie on, and fix his hair, just in case he messed something up. Then after, you two would head off to church. 

Naturally, the two of you would leave about thirty minutes before the service started, but today was different because you were asked to help out with Sunday school, so the two of you headed to the church earlier. 

Matt enjoyed you getting involved with church, because he wasn’t one to do it. Sure, if Father Lanthom asked him to read a bible verse during the service he would, but only if Father Lanthom asked. You just said yes to everything, even if you only that the animals went to the ark two by two.

You were nervous giving the Sunday school lesson, Though Matt enjoyed hearing you passionately talk about the bible stories. He knew you didnt know much, hell you asked him if he could explain why the animals had to go in two by two! You nearly fumbled every word— but it was cute to hear you dramatize the stories with the kids. You made thundering sounds, and cow noises to the kids, to which all of them laughed but they also learned. 

he enjoyed hearing you be a charchter to the kids but also guide them through the story. You caringly walked them through how they could learn from the story. You broke down a’ dehumanizing story like, ‘Noahs Ark’ so that itty bitty kids could understand it, and they did. 

While all the mothers clapped as you finished, Matt passed you from the end of the room an easy smile. 

His heart melted when he heard all the kids run up to you after the lesson, little kids asked you things like, “Miss y/l/n! do the cow noise again!”, “Miss y/l/n what happens next?!” you tried to answer their questions without embarrassing yourself, but well, you did. 

After church finished, you and Matt were arm and arm when coming out of St.Agnes, though as you two stepping down the last step, a mother came after you asking if you could babysit her daughter during the week, to which you accepted with open arms. you didn’t know what to do, how to do it but she would be in apartment 6A on Wednesday night. 

Your hand gripped tighter around Matts arm as his arms went down your waist, a cheeky grin caressed your face as you thought about the kids and how happy they all looked. 

“What is it?” asked Matt with a smile, “You haven’t been this happy in a while” 

“Actually…” you said as you turned you face to his, eyeing his red frames “I can recall a couple of times I was this happy— last night actually” 

“Oh really?” asked Matt with a toothy grin, “But not this type of happy,” said Matt as you two went up the stairs to his apartment. 

“No, not this type of happy” you replied. 

“Its just—“ you said as the two of you came to a halt at the front of his apartment door, “I dont know, I guess I haven’t really hung around kids? I mean, my cousins of course but its been a while since I’ve seen them, and today was just like a reminder how a bunch of little kids who know only of dinosaurs and pumpkins— I’m not saying I forgot that kids existed, I guess—” you two walked into the apartment, “I just forgot what it meant to be one?” 

Matt placed his cane down by the door as you continued to walk and talk, “I don’t know, just— just remind me to switch professions and to become a preschool teacher.” 

You flopped on the couch, kicking your heels off as your cold feet touched the warm leather, you saw Matt come into your peripherals, already he was slipping his tie off, he said, “angel, I dont think you have to become a preschool teacher to be with kids.” 

He gave that weird toothy grin that also insinuated something else. He had a weird way of speaking metaphorically. “Matt?” 

He came closer to you, sitting by you, you then placed your head down on his lap, as he said, “All I’m saying,” said matt as his hands swooped your hair away from your face, “hearing you today with the kids, talking about the kids, you with the kids, it just made me realize that you’d be a great mom.” 

Your jaw loosened, heart beat raced. Kids with Matt? You a mom? you’re not a mom, or a mom type. 

You’d thought about it, you’d seen him with babies in the office when mothers were overwhelmed with work, he was the first to offer to hold their baby for them, or distract their kids while the mother signed papers or made phone calls. Seeing that always made your heart race and the fictional scenarios is your head have more wiggle room. 

He cocked his head downwards, your hands going up his firm jaw, you asked with a solemn whisper, “Matty, do you want kids?” 

his cheeks turned crimson as his hands went down your cheeks, “…maybe” 

“Maybe?” you asked with a continuous grin. His hands smoothed your hair down as he replied, “Whatever you want. if you want kids we’ll have kids, if you don’t want kids we won’t.”  

“you want kids with me?” Okay that was dumb. So maybe you were delilusional. Its just, kids, a family? he wanted that with you? sure the two of you were serious, and it would be any day that Matt would be proposing to you, but hearing it come out of his pouted lips— your heart nearly glistened. 

“With who else?” asked Matt with a sarcastic grin, “I don’t know,” you responded, “With me? are you sure you want a kid with me— i’m crazy!” 

“y/n…” said Matt with a purr. 

for a second the thought registered in your mind, as you adjusted you head, “Okay okay, that was a bit much but, with me? you want to share a mini matt murdock or y/n murdock with me?” 

“yes” he said as your hands went down his neck, “if i have to say it a thousand times, i will. Sweetheart, if i’m going to have kids its going to be with you.” 

your demeanor swapped as you saw how deep he took this. he just didn’t want kids, he wants them with you. he’d thought about it, just hadn’t mentioned it to not ruffle your feathers. heard your heartbeat warm up, you said in a low tone as your fingers scratched his  beck, “it would be nice.” you smiled, “us, parents.” 

“baby murdock…” mummered Matt. 

“has a nice ring to it, doesnt it?” you responded as matt slowly took his glasses off. 

Silenty you chuckled as you thought about Matts admirable qualities getting put into a single being. 

“what are you laughing at?” asked Matt. 

“teenage murdock….” 

“oh…” said Matt with a sigh. 

 “boyfriends, girlfriends, shit you’re gonna freak beat the person up at night.” 

“hell yea I am.” said Matt, “they better not break their heart.” 

You smiled as the scenario popped into your head. Your child gets broken up, with so, you talking to your child and then matt flying out of the window to beat that person. 

“see, your gonna be a great dad hun” 

“we’ll see.” said Matt, “we have to make a kid first though” 

“very true” you responded with a smile, “but, I’m pretty sure we got that part down.” 

[sixosix]

IM HERE. IVE ARRIVED. I HAVE THOUGHTS. when i said i might not come back here cuz i was busy? yeah, FUCK THAT. only divine intervention can keep me away from ur account. THE NEW THAWED PART?? WHAT THE FUCK. i wake up this morning expecting a chapter like, late afternoon but i forgot TIMEZONES EXIST . so u can imagine my absolute shock when i check my notifications bar and hit tumblr writer user sixosix posted new thawed part?? dude. the scream i scrumpt when lyney recognized the reader OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. i knew it was over when the flower landed by her feet but him saying her name had me DSINFIDSJFJDS?!?!!??! DURING THE SHOW TOO. HE DIDNT WAIT UNTIL IT WAS OVERIJ DSJUFUDJSFIJDSAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! even rereading that part now as i write has me going crazy like i cant even put my excitement into words its SO?!?!?w??VFDXJDVNDSFNC god. okay. the scene where he grabs THE READER BY THE WAIST. 'CAUGHT YOU' ????? YEAH AND I CAUGHT FEELINGS YOURE NOT SPECIAL LYNEY?? THE GRIP ON THE WAIST. AUUUUUUUGH. ARUEGJHHH. ARHGHHRJGFDKD... IM ON MY DEATH BED!! TAKE ME TO THE BEACH SO I MAY GAZE UPON THE SEA ONCE MORE!!!! the mr lyney. miss lynette. falls to my knees. dies. dies. dies. BUT GOD THE FACT THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD TOO? no wonder lyney chased after her !!!! if my girlfriend (one-sided (?)) turned up alive out of no where i would do the same fr. a real man would drop to one knee and propose right there (grow some balls lyney) LYNETTE!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA BITE HER SOKFDOSAKDASIJD THE SLOW APPROACH LIKE A TIMID CAT AND THEN THE SMIEL AUHGHDJFSKJFD?!w?FDDJNFODSJKFND!!!!! i cant imagine how she felt finding her bff again im so AUUURHGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i know she knocked some sense into lyney afterwards LMAOO also reader pretending to be working under tart... ohh i know thats gonna backfire on her later in the story. ALSO CHILDE MENTION YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i have my doubts about lyney and lynette believing readers lie? absolutely. you dont grow up with someone and not know when theyre lying.. especially lyney. have u ever watched barbie in the dreamhouse?? theres this episode where ken tries to get a job but he doesnt bc each time barbie has an emergency, so he just becomes a (barbie)house-husband.. thats the vibe im getting from lyney and reader the 'i'm happy to see you' from lyney, and reader (kinda?) dismissing it with the 'goodbye miss lynette and mr lyney' ????? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ??????? sending u the number and email to my therapist rn ure paying for my next session. also i love aether, paimons and readers friendship, especially their little banter at the end. ALSO. SIGH. reader calling rosalie maman. when i tell u i screamed i MEAN IT. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I LOVE THEM SO BAD IM GONNA SOB!!!! ............im gonna say, im a bit paranoid though.. youre not gonna hurt rosalie right. righ.t Right. blinking at u. blinking at u. blink blink blink . BLINK. BLIIINK !!!!!!!!!! ok sorry for clogging up ur asks with this . i have no idea how to end this its so long LMAOO. there are so many other parts i loved (brief melusine scene, audience reactions, etc) but i just didnt know how to convey my feelings into words ifgjdifjdji. i love thawed and ur writing SOSOSOSO much and im so excited for future updates!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL I GOT TO SAY!!!!!!! ramble mode OFF!!!!!!!! BYEBYE AND TAKE CARE MUAAAAAAAAAH

HIII LIS!!!!! ohh seeing your asks rlly brighten my day. LMFAOOO your comment actually had me laughing out loud “I JUZT WOKR UP WHAT RHE DICK” HAHSA

YES. DURING THE SHOW!!! i want to emphasize that lyney did not care about the audience or the weeks of practice for this very moment if he sees the reader !!!! HELPPP nooooo dont lie on your death bed yet we still have a few more chapters to go through 💔💔

ONE SIDED GF 😭😭😭 IJBOL he definitely wouldve proposed if it wasnt for aether im telling u. YESSS LYNETTE APPRECIATION i love her so much i try to add her as much as i can bc her interactions w lyney are so fun. Theyre literally siblings 😭❤️❤️

CHILDE MENTION !! this is definitely gonna bite her in the ass later but hey thats for another chapter

YES I E WATCHED BARBIE DREAMHOUSE IMQHAHSHEH thats so funny that you said that im saving that as a screwnshot LMFAOOO

Yes i want to up the angst and pain. reader my self destructive thawed!reader … ❤️ but i also need the therapy please do send my number

Rosalie. rosalie, rosalie, rosalie. our maman. reader’s maman especially. Anyway.

AWW its okay!!! dont ever worry about your asks being too long !! i meant it when i said i love reading through them. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT ❤️❤️❤️❤️ TAKE CARE TOO LIS MWA MWA

[vanillatalc]

last night i was thinking how the NHS treated me whenever i was dim enough to ask for help for my madness + just getting like more and more angry remembering it lmfao

i actually think that severing myself from like the idea of "help" and "psychiatry" and "CBT" and "mental health" has been more beneficial to my QOL than literally anything the NHS ever did for me, so im at peace w/ it on the whole, however there were some real highlights:

me sitting sobbing my eyes out in a small room w/ two strangers begging them to Please Help, and receiving a letter a few weeks later saying i wasn't ill enough for any help + i was on my own

being diagnosed w/ BPD (a big regret i have - once i cann afford to spend £250 on a psych visit im going to try and get that scrubbed off my record bc at the time of diagnosis like ~8 years ago i was naive enough to think that a diagnosis that wasn't depression or anxiety would force the NHS into giving me "help". however, obviously, as you all know, a BPD diagnosis is the 2020s equivalent of Female Hysteria

i was offered a round of CBT (classic) but there was an 18m waiting list and in that 18m i was diagnosed w/ the BPD. so i had a conversation w/ them in which they were like "we can only do the anxiety/depression, if you talk about anything BPD-ish we'll terminate you"

went to the minor injuries unit after a particularly bad self-harm session + was not asked any questions about how i was doing mentally, they didnt check i was safe, they didnt ask me if i was gonna be ok at home lol, they just cleaned me / bandaged me / sent me home again (tbh idk what id rather they did tbh like. i dont want to be sectioned - i was just kind of astonished by the lack of pretence at caring how i was doing)

in the last-ditch effort i made to get some "help" i told my (beloved! none of this is his fault) GP that if he had anything going i'd be willing to give it a shot. he told me there was this local unit opening up for "personality disorders" and that given i was motivated + all that shit i would be a perfect fit for it. (at this time i was already leery of the BPD label but i was still thinking like: maybe it will actually open THIS door to "treatment") i said to him: i know for a fact they will not accept me. you're welcome to try, but i am 100% sure that they will find a reason to reject me as a patient. and he was like no no no! haha why wouldn't they :) i'll send them a personal email about you! and they'll take you on my reccommendation! and i was like lol ok roy. anyway yeah of course they didnt accept me - as i told him they wouldnt - and he was so shocked and upset during that conversation where he told me this - and i was just like totally unemotional like "i told you this would happen" and he was like just so shocked about it all (honestly idk why, as a doctor, he must see the carnage, but whatever) and just like "my god - you were right" (yeah no shit roy) and yeah that was just the moment i was like alright im never doing any of this shit again, never ever.

to be honest my suggestion to anyone in a similar situation is to read up on antipsychiatry lmfao (shout out to bananapeppers for forcing it into my eyeballs via tumblr) bc it really changed my mindset for the better. that's probably quite a bleak sentiment to end a post about psychiatry on but uh. i dont know what to say otherwise. i don't believe in "mental healthcare" anymore like i rly dont. im doing 100x better now that i refuse to talk to doctors about my madness. there is no moral to this post

ETA: from @bananapeppers herself: "for anyone reading this who may be interested, this is an England-based antipsychiatry organization that I recommend: Campaign for Psychiatric Abolition ( https://linktr.ee/cpabolition)"

[spaceorphan18]

@kurtsascot - To answer some of your questions

I realize this was for @redheadgleek but: baby got back being the plagarism scandal? or something else ?? how many episodes did they have prefilmed before a season aired??

Writing it down before I manage to forget about it. Adam wasn't cast until rather late in the game. We had spoilers for Christmas -- and there's a lot of stuff around the filming of White Christmas (Chris and Darren had film - and fans had film, and omg it was the best time.)

(Also - I'll have to do a longer post - because there was some gossipy Chris stuff going on, too.)

Anyway - fun fact: Adam's Apples was originally Paul's Peaches. And "Paul" was going to be a three episode guest star the same way Darren was contracted that way for Blaine. However, a few things happened.

RIB and Co did not get permission to use the version of Baby Got Back that they used, and it was a huge ordeal, and the show got sued (I believe) for it. And that soured people on the character -- before he really had anything to do.

Also - there was enough fan backlash, and all the stuff with Cory going on, that I'm sure they just didn't want to deal with the character, and he was kind of unceremoniously written off.

Unfortunately, the actor also gave this awkward interview where he tried to talk up how important he was and while I'm sure the guy is a nice guy, the interview didn't exactly paint him in the best light, so that didn't help.

this is all very interesting bc brody to me is sm more interesting than adam ???? like at least he has a personality other than British and Beanie.

There was a lot /a lot/ of Rachel hate in Season 4. Somewhat because Finchel was so irritating during Season 3 we were all collectively done with it. Partly because Rachel's storyline, when told week to week, is much more irritating than when you can see where it's headed when you watch it in bulk. And... at least from the Klaine side of things -- he was just another character taking up space and detracting from Kurt/Klaine/Whomever's story.

(I do feel differently about a lot of this stuff now - I'm just kind of giving insight as to what was going on back then.)

were the newbies just disliked bc they were new ? watching it this year they were just…not fleshed out and thats why a lot of them didnt stick. do u think if they were fleshed out early fandom would have received it better, or it would have mattered?

There were a lot of reasons the newbies were disliked.

-Part of it was because the Glee Project kind of shoehorned some of them in, and the cast was already bloated enough

-Part of it was because they felt like carbon copies of characters we already liked and enjoyed -- and now we can't see a lot of those characters and we have these pale in comparison copies.

-Part of it was because the marketing team was shoving them down our throats before the season started -- no joke, the season 3 dvds had a 'Jarley' featurette on it.

-Part of it was because we knew the break ups were happening, and it sucked to not only have screen time taken away from your favorites, but now they're miserable when they are on screen, so it made people feel resentful.

-Part of it was that they just weren't well drawn characters, and my god, the last thing we wanted was another love triangle.

-Part of it was because a lot of the stories they were telling had already been done.

-Part of it was because the newbies really did not interact with the old cast (in any meaningful way). Their stories were segregated, and it felt like a different show.

-Part of it was because it felt like the Newbies stories were being pushed to the forefront, and characters like Sam, Tina, and Artie were still sidelined and sacrificed (not to mention favorite characters leaving the show all together.)

-Part of it was that Season 3 had been so tiring (and was so not good -- don't let people today fool you on that) that a lot of people were just done with the whole thing.

The Season 6 newbies were much better received. Not only were they fresher characters, who didn't resemble old ones, they were integrated much better. The old cast didn't take a backseat to them, and instead they were used to further the plot of the old cast. If they had done with the Season 4 newbies what they did with the Season 6 newbies, I think they would have been better liked.

[austronauts]

i am returning with yet another brainrot episode [dodges booing and tomatoes being thrown] of me annotating mitch youtube content.

this podcast episode with connor was ADORABLE and revealed a side of him that we rarely ever see otherwise SO...it has made my mitch hyperfixation at LEAST 5x worse. I say this so i can warn you to listen at your own peril (i say listen rather than watch bc mitch is like..in 240p the whole time and at certain points looks SO BLURRY he looks like an impressionist painting of a twink. how very renoir of him tbh). 

I also recognize this video is long af (honestly i didnt know mitch knew this many words....very impressed) so i’m time-stamping every part that im annotating...... also this post got so long so i’m sorry. i KNOW i always say this but it’s bc im genuinely always surprised by my own verbose ass.,.,,,,.,,,,.,.,,,,, WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY IM JUST LIKE MITCH FR I NEED TO STOP YAPPING (morgan rielly voice: “just never shuts up”) 

1:35: mitch apparently loves oysters? honestly adding this only because it’s so cute when his face scrunches up and he throws his head back to laugh at 2:12 (also why is connor’s water glass so dirty what is HAPPENING)

3:21: mitch marner, self-proclaimed coffee aficionado and BEST coffee maker on the leafs, does not know what a chemex is. the look of blank confusion. i know what you are. a fraud who would rather be drinking capri suns and chocolate milk.

3:45: ok now we understand WHY mitch is always wearing a redbull hat (when he’s not wearing his recent assortment of ridiculous hat acquisitions like that powder blue hat with the HUGE BRIM or the orange prada bucket hat) - redbull just sends mitch HATS ON HATS ON HATS that he’s not even allowed to share as part of his agreement. i am now, in fact, asking redbull to send him EVEN MORE HATS so he’s less tempted to wear those hats he’s been wearing this off-season. redbull should just absolutely bury him in hats until he is no longer even visible. he’s not that big so it really shouldn’t take that many hats!!! that’s what i call a hat trick. that’s what i call cap space [booing from audience intensifies]

6:25: WHY is a CONNOR CARRICK MITCH MARNER PODCAST HOW I FIND OUT THAT PK SUBBAN AND LINDSEY VONN WERE ENGAGED?!?!! WHAT IN THE SPORTS ROYALTY?

7:14: just connor gassing mitch up and then chirping him for looking like a newborn foal when he entered the league (mitch then chirps himself for what he looked like with his shirt off lmao - it always surprises me how self-aware he seems to be and how comfortable he seems to be with himself? genuinely endearing tbh)

9:34: mitch talking about how formative visiting the children’s hospital in london (with christian dvorak) 1-2x a week was for him and the “legacy” he wants to build as a hockey player. like. as a cynical human i understand that this podcast is meant to be a fluff piece that’s beneficial for mitch’s reputation/brand, but as a human human i cannot help but be touched by how sincere mitch is about this. and more importantly, he’s shown it with his actions re: the genuine friendship he had with hayden, who mitch met during these hospital visits. 

11:54: hearing about mitch’s contract issues from mitch’s POV is pretty interesting, and i believe this is the most extensively he’s ever spoken about it? it makes so much sense that mitch’s biggest priority was not wanting to miss training camp and pre-season. and that he had ZERO intention of leaving the leafs. im forever genuinely flabbergasted by that contingent of leafs fans who thinks mitch was the one in the room negotiating with kyle/the leafs and playing games to squeeze every last dollar out of them? like DO THEY KNOW MITCH? THE TWITCH STREAMER? my. brother in christ, this guy does not even know what an encyclopedia is. my brother in christ, this guy called his finnish teammate “finlish.”  ANYWAY, he talks pretty openly about the impact the contract negotiations and pressure had on him mentally

17:40: connor: what is your favorite part of being a toronto maple leaf? mitch: my friends 🥺

19:54: mitch talking about how he just likes to check in “on his guys” and connor pointing out that whenever he gets an assist or a goal in a game, he still gets texts from mitch. WHICH IS. SO SWEET. as someone who is absolutely fucking terrible at keeping in touch with people i am JUST. SORRY TO BE A SAP BUT THATS SO SWEET OF HIM? WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! IM GOING TO EAT HIM!!!!!!

20:30: THIS IS THE BEST PART LOWKEY - THE NIKE SHOES STORY DODOHFODHOSHSODASODHFAIDHFLWJEFKDLJKSAS. IF U WATCH NOTHING ELSE PLEASE WATCH THIS. THE DAY CONNOR GOT MOVED FROM THE LEAFS AND WAS SAD MITCH JUST SHOWED UP WITH A GIANT PILE OF SHOES TO GIVE CONNOR AND CONNOR HAD TO BE LIKE “MITCH? I AM MOVING? I CANNOT TAKE ALL THESE SHOES???” THIS IS THE MOST MITCH MARNER STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD I CANNOT LIKE IVE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IF I READ IT IN A FIC I WOULDVE BEEN LIKE “LMAOOO THIS AUTHOR NAILED MY HEADCANON OF MITCH BUT IRL MITCH WOULD NEVER DO THAT” BUT NO! HE DOES! HE HAS! the fairy godmother only gave cinderella one pair of glass slippers but mitch marner will show up at your doorstep with 10+ pairs of emotional support nikes that he’s been trying to give you for MONTHS because he loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

24:45: Mitch talking about how the award he’d want to win the most is the Selke - and given how great Mitch has been this past season offensively AND defensively AND on the PP AND on the PK??? give minch the selke send tweet. 

28:30: when Mitch was drafted by London he was 5′6″ and 125lbs DLKDLKSJA HE WAS fucking TEENSY! please! i 100% could have carried him around in a fanny pack with my wallet and keys and a granola bar and the 3-4 random crumpled receipts from walgreens

30:16: “whenever people ask me what it was like playing with mitchy, i always tell them he has the ability to rubiks’ cube the game.” i LOVE This and i will be using this expression from now on, even though i have never solved a rubik’s cube and never will!

46:20: I would say this is the 2nd really meaty part of this podcast? It’s where Connor and Mitch talk about Mitch’s draft day experience. When Mitch talks about how NERVOUS he was when Toronto went up to draft their 4th pick i started laughing because if you watch the 2015 draft video you can SEE JUST HOW PETRIFIED AND TERRIFIED AND CLOSE TO SHITTING HIMSELF THEN THROWING UP THEN FAINTING AND DISINTEGRATING INTO A PILE OF DRIED UP LEAVES MITCH LOOKS LMAO. like that boy was on the brink of death. also, really interesting details behind Phoenix Coyotes drafting Dylan at third right before Mitch here!

51:47: The 3rd meaty (auston-y :---))))) ) part of this podcast: Mitch talking about THE BABCOCK INCIDENT where babcock made mitch grade his teammates on work ethic. Mitch talks about it with a lot of levity and positivity tbh but hearing mitch even joke and laugh about it makes me sad because it clearly was a really awful experience for him to go through as a rookie. knowing how close mitch was and is to those 3 guys at the bottom - tyler bozak, naz, JVR (his recent italian escapade buddy) - is definitely comforting tho. BOOING BABCOCK FOREVER FOR THIS TBH. like WHAT were you aiming to get out of this and why the hell would you ever put a ROOKIE in this impossible situation?

55:46: THE FINAL MEATY PART OF THIS PODCAST: THE MATT MARTIN SECTION. honestlyyyyY. just watch this part from beginning to end pls because mitch clearly loves and treasures matt SO much and there’s SO much here that will make you want to gnaw gnaw gnaw chew chew chew scream ferally and SUE connor carrick for your upper body injury (heart hurts)... but anyway, a few highlights: 

Mitch calling Marty a protector, a big brother, and “how big of a mentor he was to me” - i WILL CRY!!!!!!! I WILL!!!!! THATS MY FAVE LEAFS SHIP RIGHT THERE 

“He was all for me shooting a puck off his leg or his ass.”  every other time Mitch opens his mouth he says something that makes me go “wait ..what did he say?” and have to re-listen. this is one of those moments

the FUNNIEST story about how connor and matt almost fought when they played for different teams because matt found connor so annoying. i won’t spoil the details but i - i def cackled out loud

“you just felt 2 feet taller with matt around” 🥺🥺🥺 ok that’s fine tHATS FINE 

OH GOD. THE worst part: Mitch talks about how Matt and Syd would always invite him over and make sure Mitch never felt alone his rookie year, and how this experience of feeling included and loved by Matt shaped the kind of teammate/friend Mitch tries to be aka making sure his home and heart are always open to his teammates. I....I’M. Y’ALL. HOLD MY HAND AND STAY WITH ME BECAUSE LIKE - think about the way bogo (esp when his family was away during covid) and justin lived with mitch and how the leafs all clearly love mitch so much and how mitch says he always tries to be the positive energy guy for his team AND I JUST .  LETHAL PSYCHIC DAMAGE SUFFERED FROM THIS PART OF THE PODCAST TBH BRAIN JUST LEAKIN OUT THROUGH MY EARHOLES AS I CRAWL INTO A CORNER. Matt Martin drop your location right now and square up because i will fight you right now for what you’ve done. how DARE you and mitch marner, 2 rich white men i absolutely do not know, make me want to be a better kinder person....i...pretend i do not see it...i pretend i do not feel it.

1:02:58: Yes this podcast is over an hour long and i watched all of it ahahahah1!! haHA! anyway, mitch thanking the frontline workers - very sincere and endearing and mitch-y (aka causing little brain blips of complete confusion - like why did he call the UPS... “ups”? is this a canadian thing? also him thanking the WIFI PEOPLE FJDLKDJLDDSDSSDAKJLDDFLFJFKJLDSJLDKFAJL lmfaofjldjDDKS lmfaofofoofofOFOFO okay)

But seriously the entire podcast is extremely endearing and it’s still the off-season so please do watch the whole thing if you have a chance! then come yell with me about it u know i love to yell 

[bonesandthebees]

Spruce not reading honey and tangerines made me remember i got like halfway through before losing all my ao3 tabs and never finishing it 😭 i’ll have to go back and find where i was soon

Also one of my only thoughts after burning gold was literally just “wow tallulah covering her eyes for moat of the fic? She really is just like her father”

Also also WF WF WF MY BELOVED clinic and stars will always have a special place in my heart but sbi’s fight after wilbur said he knew why tommy left at the syndicate meeting will always have a special place in my heart, i re-read it sometimes just for fun

Every once in a while i’ll also remember i was here when the last few chapters of clinic weren’t out yet and then i’ll feel old

I vividly remember checking if clinic had updated, it had, and it was the chapter where puffy came and visited tommy and brought him cinnamon rolls and revealed she was a former-hero

And then i remember being here for all of wf, and reading stars when it only had one chapter and then forgetting about it until it was finished 😭

I can picture so clearly in my head checking wf one day at dinner, i had only read the first chapter a while back and hadn’t kept up, there was now five chapters and i was so excited. I was eating tacos. I kept up with wf updates after that

Sorry for the ramble, everyone’s recent asks have reminded me of a lot of things lmao, still debating if i should re-read stars and i’m so very close to giving in

- 🪐

NOOOO I ACCIDENTALLY INCLUDED THE COVERING EYES BIT AGAIN THIS TIME WITH TALLULAH I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE why do I keep doing this

the fact that you reread that painful fight in wf for fun certainly says something /j (it was such a fun scene to write I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much)

damn you've been around for that long?? you're really an og saturn anon. I remember when I wrote that clinic chapter with puffy and tommy talking after he'd been kidnapped and that conversation ended up being so much longer than I meant it to be. I was so frustrated bc it meant I had to put off the crimeboys reconciliation convo by another chapter and I wanted to write that one so bad, but the puffy tommy convo was so good and flowed so well so I couldn't be too upset

looking back on when wf was updating feels a bit like a fever dream for me bc 1) I wrote most of it during the winter quarter of my senior year of college. we'd gone back to in person for fall quarter after a full year of online bc covid, but then winter had a surge of covid cases again so almost all my classes went BACK online but I had one optional in person class once a week. so I had a lot of free time to write and would spend entire days in a campus coffee shop writing wf 2) sirentwt happened while I was writing wf. that was certainly a Time

anyway i love that you remember you were eating tacos when you noticed wf had 5 chapters up now. I remember I kept trying new drinks at the coffee shop every day when I went there to write but none of it was very good but it was a student run place that had really nice vibes so I became a regular anyway

[charliesinfern0]

8, 9, 15, and 16 abt any f/o you want :D

F/O Voice Asks

im sorry i couldnt use my voice, im still not very confident about it ^_^;;

8. have you ever been in denial about your feelings for an f/o?

no not really. i do sometimes feel a little embarrassed when I share that i have a new f/o (thats why some of them are secret), but im never really in denial about my feelings lol

9. what's the shortest amount of time it's taken you to f/o a character? longest?

most recently, the shortest time it took me to f/o a character is 2 days. when i first saw matthew, i thought 'oh yeah im probably gonna end up liking him', but right after i finished watching scott pilgrim takes off, i didnt really feel like that about him. but then like two days later, suddenly i was like 'wait... i do like him o///o'

the longest its taken me to f/o a character is about like 6 years. back then i got the manga that 🐙 is from, and i didnt really think much of him, until just last week i got back into reading it, and then i realized 'oh wait... i like him!!!! >///<'

15. name a song or lyric that reminds you of your f/o or ship, and why.

I Think I Like You by Donora, The Missing Piece by Forgive Durden, and Orange Shirt by Sex Bob-Omb make me think of Matthew and Juniper ^_^ (also i changed her name its Juniper Quinn/Weldings now)

I Think I Like You is from Juniper's perspective, realizing that she feels a lot better just spending time with Matthew, they dont have to be doing anything special for her to feel happy.

The Missing Piece is a musical-sounding duet song, so it makes me think of like a theatric duet that they would do lol

Orange Shirt i think is just very cute and one of my fave Sex Bob-Omb songs, so yeah :)

(also also Seventeen (Age) by Mike Krol and I Feel Fine by Sex Bob-Omb make me think of just Juniper lol. Seventeen (Age) makes me think of the really shitty relationship she had with her family (also it just sounds very scott pilgrim-y to me), and I Feel Fine makes me think of how Juniper sleeps a lot during the day and mostly only goes out at night :P (its also another one of my fave Sex Bob-Omb songs lol)

16. wildcard, just ramble about your ship!

well, today i finally got to planning out my comic for Matthew and Juniper!! im mainly really happy about the fact that i figured out how they actually meet and how to make circumstances in which they'd see eachother a bunch. basically, Matthew is in New York because Gideon called him there to tell him about the League and his fight with Scott, and he decides to visit a record/cd shop, and while he's in there he meets Juniper, who recommends him some albums, and he ends up buying all of them bc he was just so shocked by her lol. then, way later, he's walking out the the G-Man Media building after his meeting with Gideon, and he passes Juniper, and hes like !!!! and turns and tries to stop her and talk to her buts hes all nervous and cant get a word out and she's like "...?" and walks off and he sees her walk into the G-Man Media Building and is like ??? so he waits for her outside and when she comes back out she's like "so wait who are you?" and he's like "um... im matthew. matthew patel." and shes like "oh like, the matthew patel gideon just told me to meet at the Rockit?" bc like she's Gideon's assistant lol. and she's like "oh yeah im juniper quinn, but you can call me june" (or maybe she says that he can call her june later in the story when theyre closer idk) and they both go to the rockit together (they get to the Rockit from New York by using a subspace thingy btw) and she gets to watch matthew fight scott and also meets ramona maybe? idk maybe they meet later, and then juniper saves matthew from getting killed by scott, and scott recognizes her from somewhere??!!? (but he cant remember where lol), and juniper and matthew get out of there, and im not sure about what happens next, i really want to like have juniper interact with the other exes too (i really want her to be friends with all of them), but yeah thats what ive got so far for my comic ^_^

[sabaramonds]

a sight beyond death: timeline differences & other notes

so i wrote a fic. its partially alins fault. because the timeline diverges with changes i feel are relevant but didnt write in full bc the fic itself starts up after many of them, i decided to compile them here for perusal, alongside some other background headcanons alin and i decided upon regarding L, B and wammys house. probably a very long post, i will update later as well if more comes up or i forgot something 👍

jan 1 2004 (just over a month after light got his death note), sayu goes to deliver a change of clothes for her father and encounters misora naomi at the station. hearing her intent on meeting with the kira task force, sayu strikes a conversation because of her father, and the two of them wait together while sayu waits for her father to call her back after she messages him.

naomi is able to get in touch with L after speaking with soichiro via sayus phone and joins the task force; she informs L of her suspicions regarding kira being able to kill with methods besides 'heart attacks'

due to naomis information, suspicion on light increases

jan 8 surveillance begins on the kitamura and yagami families. during this week, sayu gets into an argument with her mother sachiko regarding her grades and when sachiko compares her to light (unfavorably), sayu storms off. while light is at cram school she goes into his room and triggers the diary trap, setting the house on fire. the investigation has hiccups here because of the fire but it doesnt actually matter in detail rn cuz i am not writing it all

at some point in january, B escapes his prison. because he needed so much medical attention, L arranged for him to be in a long term care facility as he recovered from skin grafts and physical therapy, because after losing B wouldnt leave anyway (he fully intended to resign himself to this until he saw the kira news). when he recovered from his final surgery and was being arranged transport to an actual prison, he escaped :) yay!!

roger alerts watari and L of this happening and L decides not to worry about it. naomi is like dude. i think we should worry. i decided he doesnt tell her about B escaping

the yagami family begin living in a hotel as their house undergoes reconstruction after the fire, though they contemplate moving to another local residential area. kiras murders slow marginally, a pace unnoticed by most, as light is unable to write as often and with as much as privacy in the hotel

when he makes it into to-oh in april his family decides to let him live on campus for a semester because the house isnt ready yet. L thinks this is awesome because he can just wire the dorms. light has to keep taking a potato chip and eating it 🙄

april 25h the phrase shinigami is used by the 2nd kira in the videotapes, as is a reference to "eyes". Ls visceral reaction is because of B, which he informs only naomi of in private he doesnt say anything actually because he doesnt feel like it

june 8th, a week into confinement, light gives up his ownership of the death note

june 9th, L wakes up to B atop him, having broken into his room. due to the fact misa & light have forfeited their death notes, he can see both their names and times of death when L involves him in the investigation, so there is nothing noticeably off about them

theres like a full week of everyone being super disturbed by L and B before the yotsuba group starts killing people as "kira" other additional notes/headcanons: i decided Ls real name is not L Lawliet because that sounds stupid as hell im sorry. but i also decided no matter what even if i decide on a name i like, i wont ever reveal it in the story. only B will ever know and any time it gets spoken or thought by him (or by shinigami) its going to be redacted Bs grandfather is actually japanese. he has no idea if his grandmother is because he never met her/she died before he was born; he met his grandfather several times. this is why he repeatedly uses japanese aliases and why naomi didnt go huh? whys some white guy got a japanese name? however, one of Bs parents is welsh and he probably grew up in wales. why...? its funny. B and L actually had a lot of impact on each other and they sort of cannibalized one anothers identity and mannerisms in their childhood even though L wasnt always at the orphanage. after A died they both subconsciously picked up some of his habits as well, as if to keep him "alive" in them both (and in the identity of L) so like, basically B used to sit like a frog and L started doing that because B does it; B chews his fingers because L does it; they both hold things the way they do because A used to do that; they both started preferring strawberries over their old favorites because strawberries were As favorites....so on. "L" is, in a way, already an amalgamation of B, A, and L; L himself had little sense of self and identity as he was molded by wammy into a "genius detective", and B and A, who were not only the only two people in his age range he ever socialized with but also two people being conditioned to become backups of him as a person....well uh there was a lot going on. basically. ❤ so tldr B and L are essentially amalgamations of each other. and of A. yay. unrelated to B, L and A but when were talking about all this alin and i realized that mello would have been 2 years old during the fall of yugoslavia and his childhood was probably insane even before watari scooped him up for his genius orphan exploitation program. just thought that was ummmm Interesting <3

[literaphobe]

@baeksseju OKAY SO yesterday morning i forgot to set my alarm clock and woke up at 7:48am instead of… 6:30am KFKSKDKSKSSK and that was MY BAD like i didn’t know and i still don’t know whether i set an alarm or not or if i just forgot like i tend to do. anyway. im gonna call my friend P and my other friend S. so every monday and wednesday morning at 8:30am we have our sociolinguistics class. P & S (whoever of them comes first) (its almost never me) get there and save us the same 3 corner seats in the second last row. i always get the corner most seat bc im the latest one usually UM ANYWAY

so this girl we know from this random amalgamation of people who we hung out with for like 1-2 weeks at the start of the semester started like FUCKING loving P bc like P is really funny and talks shit about people they hate and never replies to messages for several hours (unless its me or her bf or one of our other real friends) <- my theory that these people have anxious attachment style and P ignoring them only makes them want her MORE

P is also kind of a people pleaser in the sense that she’s a fake bitch (HER WORDS ❤️) and even if she dislikes u or hates u or talks mad shit about you YOU WONT FUCKING KNOW BC SHE’LL STILL ACT LIKE UR BEST FRIEND WHEN SHES FORCED TO INTERACT whereas well. i mean in real life at least. the SECOND i start disliking someone… you’ll usually know. WHICH IS A PROBLEM BC THIS ONE GIRL WHO RECENTLY BECAME GIRL I WANNA FUCKING MURDER #1 ON MY HIT LIST. became. convinced. that i fucking hated her. and she was right! but P was working w her on two projects so i had to pretend i didn’t 😭😭 anyway i dodged her attempts to have lunch w me last friday and she hasn’t texted me since. AND we have a theory that C <- codename for my most hated girl in school <- u will feel genuinely murderous if you find out why. Like. KNOWS? we don’t like her anymore? and only communicates w us for school stuff?

BUT THIS OTHER GIRL IN THEIR FRIEND GROUP FOR THE SEMESTER (i genuinely think they will all stop being friends the moment they don’t have classes together) -> lets call her A . like. LOVES P now? so back to what actually happened. SHE WALKED INTO CLASS AT 8:35AM AND FUCKING SAT IN MY SEAT.

when she KNOWS that seat is saved for me.

and well. P and I have this ongoing joke that she’s the fake bitch and i have the biggest fucking balls ever because. i just fucking. say crazy daring shit sometimes. and this other enemy we have, B (trust me she is SO bad that her entire cohort in her year above us GOT HER KICKED OUT OF A CLASS BECAUSE OF HOW AWFUL SHE WAS) got like intimidated by me during a zoom call bc she was bored and started running everything we were all writing through GRAMMARLY when we werent even done writing our part on this PEER REVIEW ASSIGNMENT about another group. and it pissed me off so i told her ‘hey is it okay if you don’t edit my work until i’m done with it? sorry, it’s distracting’ and well she didn’t edit my work at all after that and sounded scared when she talked to me KFKSKD i mean i was TRYING to be nice but well IDK

anyway. because of P’s tiny balls. and also because it all happened so fast. and also because I WASNT THERE TO DEFEND MY FUCKING SEAT. and the fact that i was gonna be so abysmally late there was no point in saving me a seat. P couldn’t really do anything to stop her

BUT DID A KNOW THAT? NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT. i could’ve been there a minute later and i wouldn’t have had A FUCKING SEAT. I DIDNT NEED IT BUT ITS THE PRINCIPLE OF THE MATTER .

SO. A started PEEKING AT P’S LAPTOP. and was like who’re u texting?? (me) who’s the trio?? (me S & P) and when she found out P was texting me she smirked and was like ‘tell michelle im sitting in her seat’ and so P texted me that HOPING id get the hint that A was watching (I DID THANKFULLY) and i was like WHAT THE FUCK but i hope you realize the back is BETTER than the front

moving on. A’s reasoning for sitting in my seat was that C sat TOO up front (IT WAS LITERALLY ONE ROW IN FRONT OF WHERE THEY ALLEGEDLY USUALLY SIT ?) and that was like too much for her to handle apparently. anyway. P and C had to consult w the professor for a panel discussion they have to lead on wednesday. so A was like come look for us after for lunch!! <- we didn’t. but does A take the hint? NO! even C had the mind to walk away after the consultation instead of trying to join me P and S. which i now realize. is so. Salt and Pepper. ANYWAY. A keeps texting P!!!! and fucking telling her to sit with her during the next class??????

oh. we have another friend. his name is H. i met him in a cursed group project last year and he saved me during summer when i got sick and missed classes. he’s really sweet and i hope he’s always my friend. ANYWAY. he was gone during all this because his sociolinguistic project group (which B is INNNNNN JFC) insisted on them all eating lunch together. and before they left P was talking to H and B saw and was like Um… are u close to P? during the lunch. and he was like yeah i am what about it. oh right y’all are in a group project for another class right? and B was like yeah… ig P and michelle are kind of hard to work with… like we were supposed to be doing an assignment and they were playing games in class :/ -> WE WEREN’T. also. WE WERE DONE??? WITH WHAT WE NEEDED TO DO? AND THE ASSIGNMENT WAS FARRRRR FROM BEING DUE and i told them. i wasn’t gonna do anything else in class that day because i had a huge test and i was really sleep deprived so any work i did wouldn’t be good. and EVERYONE ELSE WAS FINE WITH THAT. BUT HER????? she claimed to be ‘90% done’ with her bit by the end of class. mf i don’t trust the quality of ur fucking work 😭😭 and finding she was only in our class bc everyone else in the year hated her so much she got HELD BACK was fucking vindicating. like she does fucking nothing but get upset that her non-existent ideas don’t get used only to act like she does everything (WHEN SHE DOESN’T)… other groups in our class were TERRIFIED to get paired w our group for the peer review assigmment BC THEY ALL FUCKING HATE HER

anyway. KFKSKDKSKDKD. we meet H in our second class of the day. we saved a seat for him as we usually do. BUT IT WAS ALSO. ME AND P’S PLAN. to fucking. get seats in the back hidden by a pillar. SO WE DIDNT HAVE TO SIT WITH A. anyway i said ok im gonna be on ur left we are gonna put H on yr right so EVEN IF A MOVES SHE CANT DO SHIT. eventually. A realizes we r all the way at the back and she’s like WTF ARE U DOING THERE? COME HERE? and P had to start fake bitching and wave over and gesture that they should move to US

A starts DMing P. and sends her a video message (a thing on telegram) where her and this other girl r jamming to some song the professor’s playing in class. and P is like oh god… we have to send one back. and she’s like. michelle. you have to fake bitch with me. and i start fake crying and i go I DONT WANNA ☹️☹️☹️ and she’s like YOU HAVE TO… WE NEED TO FAKE BITCH BACK… and i was like okay :(((( and so we sent one back. AND THEY SENT BACK ANOTHER MESSAGE ??? so P was like ok nvm fuck this im not sending another back fuck u

after class. P’s granddad is picking us up (P asked me if i wanted to come with and i was like SURE) and we bump into the girls and A is like . WEIRDLY TOUCHY with P. and im like ????? bc even i don’t touch P like that 😭😭 and we were like um haha bye maybe we’ll sit together in class next time ! and me and P got into the lift WHICH THANKFULLY NO ONE FOLLOWED US INTO. and we were like WHAT THE FUCKKKKK and started pointing middle fingers at her (we are 12) and so we get into the car and i WIND UP HANGING OUT AT HER HOUSE ALL DAY

this is um. the third time ive been there? and today her mom was home and this is the first time im meeting her mom (who LOVES me btw. her grandparents love me too. IM EXCELLENT AT MAKING OLD PEOPLE LOVE ME. or well. old chinese people. im a lot better at P at speaking chinese which helps???? IG???? idk they think me and P are very similar and that im very cute)

the whole time im at P’s house vibing she gets texts from A and well P accidentally told A that theres a test tomorrow (IN 30 MINUTES BABY) its just a small quiz tbh but A was like OMG DO U WANNA STUDY WITH ME????? so P ignored her texts because SHE WOULD RATHER DIE and anyway P walked me to the bus at like 9 something at night… and A asked P for her discord… so P told her but didn’t add her to P’s private server (which im in) and she used her boyfriend as an excuse for not being able to call her <- when i got home me P and her bf hopped into VC together

OH YEAH. UM. P CONVINCED ME TO GO ON A VACATION W HER. AFTER THE SEMESTER ENDS. her bf and we had a bit all day where like bc i was at her house he was like WTF ARE U CHEATING ON ME… and then sent like clown memes fkdkfkskdksdk like he was a clown etc… so i was like im gonna start threatening to fuck u to keep him in line (he lives in malaysia where we are going) MOVING ON. im going for essentially 2 weeks and P’s going for like 3 and afterwards she’s coming back w her bf and we’re gonna hang out AGAIN (we have a dinner reservation together in DECEMBER) <- i booked a ticket next to her and everything

so A in in a discord w C and they have facecams on?,? for some reason. and P claims she has to help her bf w homework bc its due tomorrow (HAHAHAHAHAH) and A gets annoyed and is like… why do you care??? why do u have to help him???? and P is like ???? bc i love him…????? and i was like WTFFFFF hearing this in VC (bc i was showering while it happened) and i told her bf u think i wanna steal ur girl??? she wants to STEAL ur girl from me AND you And he was like wtffffffff WTFFFDDD anyway un

THATS ALL ill give more updates if any of you wanna hear more??? LMAOOOOO IVE BEEN NOT REPLYING TO P THIS ENTIRE TOME IVE BEEN TYPIG THIS OUT BC I WANTED TO PUT IT SOMEWHWRE IN CASE ANOTHER FRIEND WANTS TO KNOW FJSKDKSKDJSJD its very messy . BYE

[b0nywh0res]

15/09/22 - 44.1

so. today was def a day. i knew i had a long day coming but god was this something else. my emotions are all over the place and i tried to confide in L but she said oh and changed the topic to herself. so thats great. my other 4lifer is besties w my bully and my mom is starting to put academic pressure on my little sisters.

seeing her do to my little sisters what she did to me and my older sister reallt messes with my head. it makes me realize that we didnt deserve to be treated like that. i feel so bad for my little sisters but i cant do anything. speaking of academic pressure, i got a 9.1/10 for my history test which is awesome. ive never gotten that high before and this is the first grade of the year. getting off to a good start. im considering dropping math tho bc wtf i already dont get what hes saying during class.

in other news, my weight went from 44.8 to 44.1 in a day. i know i gained weight compared to last week but im relieved that its not much. plus my braces got tightened again which will make me physically unable to eat a lot of solid food bc itll hurt like hell, so thats great!!

fun fact i actually relapsed in my ed bc i got braces. i had a healthy(kinda) relationship w food for two years when i got my braces(only lower teeth, had upper teeth years ago) in. i hated not being able to eat bc i love food. idk why i did it but i stepped on the scale. id gained 10 kg in my recovery. thats why i started losing weight again :)

anyways. i have a massive headache rn and i want to cry. i did cry on my way back from school. gonna make myself some tea and cuddle w someone. hopefully tomorrow will go better but i doubt it.

[gurugirl]

I’ve been going through this for almost a year now and idk if i’m just being dramatic or something I should report to HR or the police. Here’s goes:

I’ve been working at my job for almost 2 years now and 1yr ago we had a new hire. I talked with him the first day and he kinda just felt off? Like I had a weird vibe about him but I didn’t know him so I didnt wanna judge him so quickly. Our first interaction was mostly him asking me where I’m from and trying to get to know me. Anyways I kept my distance from him but he became close friends with my work crush.. who I also was best friends with

It became kinda awkward because anytime I was around that guy he made me feel uncomfortable so I started being distant from my work crush as well. My work crush liked me too and we were kinda in a friends with benefits relationship which is where this all gets bad.

The guy ends up finding out because my work crush would usually drive me home and one day I had company over so we did our #business🫡 in the car. And he was following behind us in his car and saw

Then we had a break from work, about 2 weeks for Christmas/New Years and that’s when I found out that he’s been stalking me. He’ll sit in his car outside my house for about 5 mins during the day and then around 2-3am he’ll come back and stay there for an hour. I noticed because he has a really loud car engine so I started looking into ring cameras. Then when I came back from the break he randomly told me how my brother is really tall? which confused me because my brother only visited me during the holidays and i haven’t seen him all year which confirmed that was his car watching me. So I got ring cameras and I still see his car everyday around 2-3am watching me.

Then my work crush left to finish college. So I started taking the bus again. And He would wait in the parking lot after work to try and get me in his car even after I repeatedly told him no. When I come into work he’ll try forcing himself on me for hugs or trying to hold my hand and when I tell him to stop he’ll get mad and start calling me names. Or shove/push me, trip me, etc. 

But one day I was stuck and it was raining and he “just happened to be in my area” and offered me a ride which I felt like I shouldn’t but did anyway.. He explained to me how he liked me since the first day we met and how he stays awake at night thinking of me. How i’m so important to him that he’ll drop/leave anyone to spend time with me. How many times he’ll count the times he sees my name in one day.. and then talks about how he loves how “innocent” I look. Which made me uncomfortable I’m 21 but I do look and sound really young that people always think i’m around 15-16 and he’s older than me.

Anyways throughout that car ride he talked about the weapons he has in his house and how he thought about using them on my work crush. asking what I see in him and if we’re dating. Then he told me about how many times he thought about kidnapping me.. and then when I finally got to my house and he kept stalling to let me leave the car and i panicked because the door wasn’t opening he just laughed and said how “todays not the day don’t worry” and I went home and cried. Then I realized that I never even had to tell him my address which shows he does stalk me.

idk if i’m being dramatic because after every weird encounter he’ll brush it off and tell me “i’m just kidding, you have to relax” I even talked with my work crush about how he makes me uncomfortable since they’re friends and he said that he knows he likes me and he’ll talk to him about giving me space. then once i told my work crush about how he’s being more mean. Like this once time he grabbed on me and bruised my arm bc I wasn’t talking to him and my work crush just said to “try and be patient bc he wasn’t having a good day” I started not like him after that because idk how to take the fact that he could be friends with someone like that and make excuses for him.

I did talk with my supervisor about it but not in depth and she said that she’ll make sure we’re in separate spaces but he still always follows me like I physically feel like i can’t breathe because every time i’m going somewhere he’s there or right behind me always trying to talk with me. And i try to be friendly bc if i don’t he starts getting aggressive. And he’ll tell me how talking with me and seeing me is the only thing that makes him happy. So I started ignoring him more and I don’t care about being nice to him anymore and now he’s playing victim and saying how he feels like end!ng his life because i’m ignoring him..

there’s a lot more but sorry for the long rant. It’s been ongoing and idk what to do because he’s friends with my friends and if I do something about it then everyone’s going to blame me and think I was overreacting. I’ve talked with multiple people but no one thinks it’s that serious. So now idk what to think.

First of all I just need to say I’m surprised no one is taking your account of this seriously. If you have a ring camera you can like record with that right? So you’d have proof to anyone doubting you that the man is crazy enough to be sitting outside of your house at 2 am just to look at your house. Also his words “today’s not the day don’t worry” are creepy af and I’m terrified for you.

He’s also trying to gaslight you by telling you he’s joking to make you feel like you’re being silly or something but he’s proven he’s not joking already. This man is dangerous.

Is the job one you need to keep or do you think you can quit and go somewhere else? But then there’s the fact that he knows where you live. Do you live with your parents or roommates? Tell whoever you live with about this man and tell them in detail how he’s threatened you and make it clear that you’re scared of him.

I do think you should go to HR but your boss’s response is concerning but maybe tell them again with more details and proof if you have it. Please get as much proof as you can bc, even in 2024 women are brushed off as being dramatic and attention seeking which is why men get away with horrific things (it’s happened to me even and I’m not going into detail here but let’s just say the guy barely got a slap on the wrist while I still have the occasional nightmare almost a decade later).

HR could be helpful but it depends on your work environment. Would you trust them? Once I went to hr about our company’s IT guy (this was some years ago) and showed them emails he sent me - super inappropriate and clearly making lewd comments about me that escalated to him texting me on the weekends and I lost my job two weeks later for “over staffing” while that IT guy works at that company still to this day. He never did the kinds of things that you’re describing tho so I never heard from him again once I was fired.

I’m not saying that to scare you, just to inform you that you may need to look elsewhere for support. Maybe even the police would be helpful in this situation but they’ll want proof.

Babe… I’m worried about this situation and it’s bringing up all kinds of scary feelings in my gut and you’re going to be your best advocate. Buy pepper spray or something, anything to defend yourself. Take self defense classes and learn how to fight back. Tell everyone you can about this guy and tell them his name anything you can about him (if you have his address, what kind of car he drives, etc).

Please don’t let your guard down around him. You’re right to be scared. Listen to your gut. Please please be safe and look for any back up you can for rides to and from work if the bus isn’t running. Never get back into that car with him again.

Xoxo

[wheres-rango]

Flight Over; day 1ish, apr 8th

waking up at 3 am to shower after finishing packing an hour or so before sucked, but the excitement made it not seem as bad

i had everything planned and packed for weeks and then last minute realized that if it was hard to pack everything up, i would drive myself crazy on the tour midway through the trip so i unpacked and repacked everything to have less stuff, meaning no more sweatpants or patagonia flannel as they took up the most room

poor dad had to drive me to the airport (and totally wasn’t freaking out about me leaving and definitely didn’t spend the entire time going over safety plans, that’d be crazy)

i had planned to sleep on the flight to toronto (which was with an amazing airline that gave free snacks and drinks twice during the flight, had free wifi, and 2 to a row) which would have worked perfectly given the fact that i had the entire row to myself, but instead spent the entire time talking to the guys beside me

someone came to double check my (and only mine) boarding pass and asked if i was me by name first, and then didn’t elaborate further so the guys and i were joking around that my bag must’ve exploded, but id be fine because i had my wallet, passport, and Scrungly.

they were from Ottawa and had been friends for 10 years and were on a golfing trip in Alberta/BC and had made it all the way to Invermere, which shocked me. Alec, not alex, was the one i ended up talking to the most because his friend kept trying to online gamble with the wifi, but it kept glitching out. hes in school to become a registered nurse right now and was shocked i was going on a trip alone to europe because he kept meaning to go on one but never did. midway through the flight Alec had stolen the aisle seat from his friend who took up the row behind me, as it was also empty (there were like 12 people on this flight i swear. I told him i was worried about making friends while in europe and he kinda just blank stared me before pointing out we had been talking for 2.5 hours (and then kept talking until landing) and hadnt known eachother prior. By the end of the flight Alec had made me promise to follow my dreams and make working at a summer camp forever work and i had made him promise by his 34th birthday he would do his solo Thailand trip (he has 2 years and 2 months, i’m counting). After landing we headed to baggage claim together before realizing neither me nor his buddy actually had to pick up our bags, and then said goodbye as i left the airport and they headed to their connecting flight home.

I was sad to say goodbye even though i had JUST met them, because i then had another portion of being completely on my own, just like when i got dropped off at the airport at 4 am, even though it was for about 10 minutes until my aunt picked me up

the flight to london sucked

i was so tired

middle aisle middle seat

slept curled up over the tray table, and then had to fight with my sim card and figure out the train from Gatwick because i mixed up which airport i landed in, but all was well!

figured out the transit well enough and made it to the hostel with enough time to sit down for 5 minutes before heading to see one of my favourite youtubers since i was 12 talk about his new book and got a pre-signed copy! i met this awesome british family and chatted with them before the show mocking how different countries drive

headed home afterwards and didnt need my phone to map the tube, which i was proud of, and then ABSOLUTELY CRASHED FELL ASLEEP :)