#bc theyre the only country that does that

[arcane--knowledge]

americans act like the us is the protagonist of the world

[keebwee]

why do people care so much about other peoples music tastes it DOESNT MATTER... let a man listen to what he wants. and if thats something you find stupid so be it. but leave them alone it doesnt matter dawg

[moonstandardtime]

i like to imagine that all my chatfics are in the same extended universe. what this implies im not sure

[britneyshakespeare]

This is just a map of New England (minus Connecticut the fake New England state)

[navramanan]

sorry but i'm so delighted over how diaspora arabs have been realizing that turkey is very hostile towards them which is why many of them thought twice about going on vacation there and decided not to. take this as a lesson to NOT idealize a country to absurd amounts like the muslim diaspora loves doing with turkey

[skiploomz]

i hate it when ppl talk about other peoples ignorance as if its a personal insult

[jonny-b-meowborn]

i just cried after doing the dishes because of my paws being in pain and because I feel like I'm being a terrible host because I'm kinda tired of my guests. I love spending time with them, but having to go to work, do my house chores, keep them entertained and fed, is just too much. And I feel like being overwhelmed makes me a horrible host. I didnt tell them anything, I'm trying to seem like I'm not that tired, but just because in my head I'm getting tired of all that, I'm bad. And yes I know that my thoughts don't make me bad, but that doesn't matter because while I know that I still feel like absolute piece of garbage. Because like, how could I even think of that. I'm supposed to be happy about them being here, and I am happy, but I am also constantly in pain and have to do everything around the house and it's just too much

[toastsnaffler]

hope my dr gets back to me abt the change to private service I messaged her last night saying it Should be okay and asking for info abt fees n any changes.. so painful communication is now gonna cost £360 per hour/£6 per min 😬🤕

[aristotels]

look imma say this and then im gonna go do something productive bc this is taking up way too much of time.

do i think usamericans are inherently stupid or evil? no, i dont. i dont believe you are any less capable or dumber than the other people in the world. i do, however, think you have more responsibilities.

does it matter if a brazilian doesnt know where croatia is? not really. brazil doesnt have monopoly on world production or currency. brazil didnt instigate the fall of yugoslavia. brazil cant veto an un resolution. does it matter if a dalmatian grandma raising donkeys in vrlika doesnt know where laos is? not particularly; she doesnt vote for a president who has power to influence the global politics. croatian president cant stage a coup in venezuela. balkan countries dont dominate social or political discourse, they dont dictate economy, trends, or inflation. they dont dominate media, films, music, culture, language.

usa however does. the president of the usa has very real power to fund a genocide and single-handedly keep an apartheid existing. people from usa should know the effects their choices have.

imperialism isnt only visible in politics either. cultural hegemony is a huge part of it. oscars, online algorithms, social media, language - these all have influence on the rest of the world. the ways other countries are viewed in the usa is important. its REALLY not about "haha stupid usamericans", its about responsibility you have as a part of imperial core.

and before anyone goes like "wHy ArE yOu NoT cALLiNg OuT wEsTeRn EuRoPe" its not what this particular discourse is about. ive talked about it before. ill talk about it again because germany has more effect on my life than the usa. pls stop deflecting responsibility this way

edit: no this does not mean "please vote for genocide joe" it means the opposite holy shit this is the core reason for this entire fucking globegate or whatever. if youre voting for dems bc theyre "lesser evil" pls learn where palestine is and that to them there is NO lesser evil jesus christ biden is literally bypassing congress and vetoing un resolutions and sending billions of dollars and weapons and missiles to kill children on the other side of the planet. youre all insane if "vote blue" was your takeaway from this post

[honeytama]

sooo many thoughts,, barbecue n fireworks w/bestie matt (feat. bomens boys) under the cut

fluff fluff fluff

ugh grill king ily,,,,,you’re so adorable w your special grilling gear and apron that you just have to pack with you :( even on tour bc who knows when there’s going to b the chance to cook something up for your friends aw

imagine you, best friend! matt, and the guys having an off day in the summer time. he’s so excited to cook for you bc you’ve never had his food and mans is constantlyyyy talking about it.

you tease him about needing to try it for yourself to see if he’s really the best

“i know my stuff is good. you’re gonna be begging me for seconds,” he boasts, clicking his tongs at you.

mhm ok

you offer to be his assistant or just to stand with him

“nope!, i’m in control, just relax and let me take care of it”

so you sit your pretty little self in a fold out chair sipping your favorite bevy he put in the cooler just for you (bonus: if it’s a celcius that he got you into, he’s so proud of himself) and just watch/talk and laugh w him while he stands there vigilantly watching the food…. w his apron on and hair tied back :(( (sorry domestic matt just really gets to me)

once the food is ready, he calls everyone over to make their plates but he already knows what you like 😭

“just sit there, i got it ☝️”

he fixes it up for you and you look down at the plate,, it’s perf with all your favorites and condiments and sides stoppp

“you want another drink?? i put an extra (your fav) in the cooler,,here” without you saying yes he’s digging through the ice to grab it for you. acts of service are his specialty <3

while you’re eating, he’s constantly trying to get up to refill your plate or getting you napkins or making fun of you for getting ketchup on ur face and trying to wipe it away :( the guys are just liiikkke uhh bro STAND UP (actually sit down they don’t need 10 napkins theyre FINE ,,,, also the boys have never seen matt flirt before so it’s a lil awk)

later in the night, matt and folio are being country boys and setting off mini fireworks in the empty parking lot nearby while everyone watches,, excitedly w a lil bit of fear of course

matt runs over to the chair next to you to watch them go off and you tell him you’re a lil freaked out that something might go wrong and/or you’re afraid of the booms

he holds your hand in his on top of your chair’s arm rest and tells you “it’ll be okay” ;~; he “wouldn’t do it if you would be in danger” ;~;

you watch his face glow in the light of the fireworks and your heart feels like it’s gonna explode, especially when he looks at you to check if you’re as proud of him as he is himself

ALSO !!! matt bought sparklers and guess what no one NO ONE can use them but you two ahh

“noah, no these are for y/n and i get your own!”

“PLEASE just one” noah tries to fight him on it :/

“you should have planned ahead !!”

guard dog matt..

“AY who tf took 3 sparklers?? stay out of my shit! now y/n only gets to do it twice 😩”

matt’s always listening btw, it’s why he got you the sparklers in the first place :) he remembered you telling him you wanted to try those old cutie pinterest pics where you write each other’s names and draw w sparklers…

he’s thinks it’s dumb! and probably won’t work! BUT ANYTHING FOR U

noah does get 1 sparkler to share w nick! folio n jolly get their own bc theyre good boys and don’t steal. you all are trying to figure out how to get the best pictures and matt’s just busting their balls saying you’re better at it than they are 💀

when you finally get back to matt who’s been watching you have fun from his seat,, you show him your pictures….

you tease him when his cheeks show a bit of pink and his lips turn up just a bit

“oh, cute…”

you’ve shown him a pic of u drawing ‘ matt + y/n <3 ‘

he sees you staring EEE “shut up”

“matt, i didn’t even say anything!!”

the matt eye roll,, “whatever just remember to send that to me…”

[numberonecodwomenfan]

ok yall heres my thoughts for a potential olympics au.

price boxes. 100 percent. no clue why but he just has the Vibes. it’s definitely not his first olympics. he’s getting close to retiring from the olympics (which no is not an old man joke, they genuinely just have a very small age window to be like in their prime to compete. simone biles is 27 and she’s considered on the older side for olympic athletes).

gaz does gymnastics. look at him man he just looks like a gymnast. it’s his first olympics and while he’s not really an underdog he’s not very well known. he is however definitely getting the stephen nedoroscik treatment (immediately becoming the country’s sweetheart, having tons of fan edits, etc).

soap plays soccer (IT’S CALLED SOCCER 🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸) as a goalie and again, scotland’s sweetheart. they eat him UP. i mean look at him why wouldn’t they. he and gaz become immediate friends in the village and post online together. they make jokes on tiktok about getting freaky on the cardboard beds (ilona maher and nicole heavirland style) and no one ever shuts up about it. he’s new to the olympics as well.

ghost plays rugby because he’s massive and angry. i feel like this is his second olympics and he’s lowkey still mad his team lost last time but he’s pretending not to be 😭 he doesnt participate much in the dicking around, but since he, price, and gaz are all team england he gets spotted in some of the online shenanigans (can u tell i pay more attention to the athletes goofing off online than the actual games)

farah i feel does beach volleyball. shes tall (5’8” which is crazy because she looks SHORT next to some of the other characters) so good for volleyball, and i’d imagine urzikstan’s team would unfortunately be pretty small considering. yk. so they might only have enough athletes for beach volleyball since it only requires 2 players. im imagining this to be set in a world where farah wasn’t leading the ulf but the occupation and stuff still happened, but it’s over and urzikstan is slowly healing again. throughout the competition farah is very vocal about her pride for her country and she talks about her brother and parents, and says that she’s competing in honor of them. she also becomes one of those athletes that everyone roots for no matter where theyre from, simply because of a) how good she is, and b) the way she speaks about her family and her country, and how emotional it makes people.

alex surfs. look at that man and tell me he doesnt surf. i know we agreed he’s from some podunk midwest town but i can also totally imagine him being from like socal and being the most doofy surfer dude. he meets farah in the olympic village and is immediately infatuated. also i feel like he would have an obsession with one of the foods there like that norwegian swimmer with his chocolate muffins and post about it online.

(again can yall tell i pay more attention to the athletes dicking around on tiktok than the sports)

i wanna say rudy and alejandro both do equestrian because yk. vaqueros. but i cant tell if it’s too on the nose. let me know ur thoughts.

laswell does archery. i believe its one of the sports that is more likely to have “older” athletes (although i could be wrong) and i imagine laswell is like 45 ish. lesbians love her. this is not her first rodeo she has olympic’d before. people see her talking to alex on the boat during the opening ceremony and theyre like “is she his mom or smth wtf???” bc they look similar and they eventually just lean into it. like yeah this is my mom she’s like 7 years older than me. dont think about it too hard the numbers make sense. i swear.

könig wrestles because he’s massive. i fear booktok gooners would obsess over him and it would simultaneously give him a huge ego boost but also make him deeply uncomfortable. he’s a good wrestler tho so he toughs it out 😭 the gooners see him without the doofy little wrestler cap for the first time, realize he’s fugly, and move on. he can live in peace again.

horangi does shooting because i keep seeing that hot korean shooter kim yeji everywhere and shes so cool. also bc horangi is in the military in game so um. yeah. dude is cool as fuck and he knows it.

[thatdeadaquarius]

i swear, i WAS going to leave you alone for the rest of the day. I thought 'oh no, you've bothered them enough for the day, wait until tomorrow' (they did not, in fact, wait until tomorrow) however i had thoughts and wanted to share them with you! 😊

concept: I was scrolling through some of your previous posts for a second time today (still all very cool and awesome btw) and the one about the reader saying swear words without knowing what they are kinda stuck with me.

So lets reverse it! You, the creator, fall into teyvat and CAN speak the common language there, while also still remembering your own native language. and so your native tongue becomes super holy to them (eg. 'omg, the creator is speaking in their holy tongue, lets all listen and nod')

Unfortunately, this has its drawbacks, especially because the majority of the times you speak in your native tongue you are cussing out everyone.

3 potential scenarios have stemmed from my brain because of this.

You getting annoyed at your worshippers and yelling at them, then afterwards they all thank you for blessing them

Swearing so often that the people around you start to pick up on the words and now all of your worshippers are parroting swear words at really important events, while you try and keep a straight face

Accidently teaching one of the kids swear words and then klee starts saying 'fuck' all the time and the adults are all like 'thank you for teaching klee one of your divine words, it truly is a blessing. what does it mean though?' and you're just sitting there like 😅

also thanks for being so nice about my shenhe post :) i love her so much <33

NOO dont worry abt it!! Ill just answer whenever i got the time!! I definitely dont mind multiple asks from the same person dw bby 👍✨️

Here, a cookie for ur time 🤲🍪 PSPSPSSPSPS ITS WORKING THEIR COMING IN, I ALSO HAVE CAKE AND DRINKS!! :D

So this is gonna sound demanding,, BUT SHARE YOUR CONCEPTS AND IDEAS WITH ME ALWAYS YES YES I WANT TO BE THE FIRST TO SEE IT YALL R FEEDING MY SOULLL 🛐

This reverse is so much funnier than the OG way, you have such a BIG BRAIN👏👏

Those scenarios had me fucking laughing my ass off, the BLESSING THEM 😭KLEE 😭 PLEASE-

Also this might be ass writing bc I can’t get rid of my headache rn :/

___________

Look what you've done.

It was so harmless at first, teaching Amber a word or two there bc she was curious abt ur accent,

The reveal that Teyvat's language wasn't your native language.

But that was still manageable, that was still okay

From Amber, to Eula, to Venti, to Kaeya, to Rosaria, to Diluc, to Jean, that information spread slowly but surely

After all, you didn't use it often, no one here in Teyvat even vaguely recognized it (not even a vague similarity from one of the other countries even)

It wasn't like,, shocking to the majority of Mondstadt's residents that you had a different native lang. (nor any of the other countries once they realized you were here, and had a diff native lang.)

I mean, you were the Creator,

why wouldn't there be some ancient powerful holy lang. that only you (or along with some lucky priest/vessel/follower) could understand?

.

..

However, it did become a problem when you, as the human experience dictates, got irritated 

You see, Teyvat isn’t an easy world to get used to, from the elemental reactions, the huge amount of hostile/active flora and fauna, there was a lot of room (even as favored as you were as the Creator) for accidents

You had already had a few mishaps, asking the waiter to bring you some salt bc ur table didnt have any on accident, bumping into the allogenes who wanted to walk around with you that day when they stopped abruptly

...

But now you can confidently say you can pinpoint the inciting incident in hindsight.

You had been traversing Liyue, and of course, it’s very rocky, even the well beaten paths outside Liyue Harbor were littered with pebbles and stones

So bc theyre respectful sweethearts, Shenhe, Xiao, Zhongli, Ganyu and the rest of the Adepti wnated to have a calm brunch at Cloud Retainer’s Abode w/ u <3

On the way up, bc u insisted normal walking was fine- no Xiao you want to see the sights teleportation isn’t necessary right now- nO Shenhe, really, the walk will be good for you, you don’t need to be carried-

Zhongli. 

You are supposed to be a mortal these days, not a 60 meter/feet long dragon- 

WHAM (u were so busy telling them to quit it that u werent watching ur path, aint none of their thousands of years old reflexes good enough to save u from being a clumsy fuck)

and your on ur ass.

“Fuck, ow,” immediately Shenhe has swept you up, Ganyu is rambling nervously, Xiao jumped but hasn’t said anything, but you can feel his worry from how tense he is, Zhongli’s hands are hovering, unsure if he should touch, and Shenhe- Shenhe- you can’t breathe- 

“Fuck guys stop, I’m fine-”

They;re eyes widen, Zhongli looks a little happier?? wtf all u did was-

oh no.

...

Now, everytime you have dinner with any of the Liyue characters they bow their heads, and in unison “Fuck guys stop I’m fine”

...

And it just got worse.

Bc you spent a few weeks in Liyue, and you had a lot of events to attend, little incidents like this happened everywhere

“Shit!” you drop a tea cup

“Damnit” some miner guy in town dropped his pickaxe loudly

You blame Zhongli and Ningguang.

Fuckers wanted to make sure they showed you utmost respect, so they both remembered every. single. word. of your language you have ever said around them.

Between Zhongli’s memory and elegant appearance, and Ningguang’s influence, your cuss words spread overnight

Families are now sitting around their dinner and thanking you for Teyvat’s bounty of food, “Thank you Creator for our meal, fuck guys stop I’m fine.” the kids and everything 💀

Liyue literally has become the most dirty mouthed city overnight, and they look SO PROUD OF IT  😭 😭

u never telll any of them LMAO

It’s a little rough, but I hope u got smth nice outta this, ur idea was so good I didn’t even wanna add anything but I wanted to show my appreciation for sharing those with me lol 

TYSM FOR SHOWING UP AGAIN!!

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[pumpkinsy0]

I’m not sure if America does this much, but from where I am, a grade is able to travel to a different country for around a week or two for educational purposes (e.g Italy, France, Etc.) So,,, any Papercut Hcs for that? (Taken that they were able to make up the money for that, maybe Pony took up extra jobs to earn the money.)

ik what ur talking about!!! i dont think its common for a WHOLE GRADE to do it, but ik wym!!!!

OK SO

•lets say they’re traveling to france (ewwww🙄🙄 but trust me, makes sense later), their language class was french and they were like “man y dont we all travel to france to test out skills n have fun”

•gonna b frank w u, pony, curly, and their families were hesitant on it, MOSTLY bc of money restraints but when it comes to pony, its bc he just never traveled out the country before, let alone all by himself

• curly rlly has no aspirations to travel anywhere but then he realized that if pony left, he would b bored out his mind cayse who else can he annoy as well as he does w pony??? so he was on board!!

•look, getting that money was a hard time for all, tim and curly did more jobs, darry and soda worked their asses off and so did pony, but at the end of the day, they did it (also some of it was covered for everyone bc of some soc’s rich ass dad)🙏🏽🙏🏽

•when the packed, they damn near packed everything they had bc they just dont have much, it was like they were going away forever😭

•look, curly (and angela, shes here too!!! :3) r haitian immigrants, they knowwwww french bc they HAD to learn it in haiti to get through the education system, hell theyre probably one of the few ppl who even know it fluently out this whole grade, everyone else was lowkey bullshittin

•curlys basically ponys translator for everything, and curly WILL use it to his advantage, ponys always smarter than him but HERE??? HEEEE has the upper hand, plus, this means pony being clingy

•but his french was a lil rusty bc he wouldnt rlly speak it a lot, even in class he wouldnt rlly speak

•pony had this “introduction to french” book darry gave him bc darry can actually speak french bc of the class!!!

•curly and angela CANNOOTTT see the eiffel tower as being romantic btw, that shit was built w haitian money they hate france man (YES, im airing out some of my grievances i hate france dude🙄🙄), if pony mentioned the tower near curly he’d roll his eyes, ALSO BC HE FOUND IT TO B CORNY

•curly and pony keep getting lost dude, its like hell on earth, YES, france is walkable, but that probably just makes it worse for them bc theyre walking far in the wrong way😭

•u can def tell theyre american tourist, but i dont think curly would care, ponys trying to keep a low profile tho

•i dont think they rlly, like french food that much, not even that it taste bad or anything just not their cup of tea, honestly

•if i remember right, france has a problem w pick pocketers and i PROMISE u that wouldnt slide w either of em, they WILL fight u over it😭

•angela was excited to try the macarons!!! honestly like top thing she liked there probably, maybe she also flirted w some guys in french, got some perfume, she treated it like a vacation more than like something educational, she knew french already this was USELESS to her

•pony loved the museums, and wouldve liked it MORE if curly didnt RUSH him all the time bc he was bored, curlys the kind of guy to only go to museums for the gift shop and tbh??? so real

•they were able ti get a room together at a hotel thankfully, and half the time in it was NOT spent sleeping, it was spent w curly making stupid jokes and pony laughing so they were tired in the morning

•let them have some souvenirs, they deserve it!!!pony tried to get something each for the gang, curly got something STUPID for tim, angela got a cute gift for herself

•pony promised to take pics while he was there and he did, but some of the pics had curly being a dumbass in it🙄🙄

anyways i went through this whole post without making a kanye west joke, im truly growing to b more mature

[liquidstar]

my big fat greek wedding is the realest greek rep in mainstream american media, not because its completely accurate- a lot is rooted in lighthearted sort of self-stereotypes, and is overall pretty shallow if youre looking for legitimate emotionally resonate representation of any kind. BUT thats also EXACTLY what makes it vibe w so many greeks anyway because we hardly ever see those very specific little eccentricities even mentioned, letalone be made the focal point, so we kind of love making fun of it in a way thats like "oh my god thats JUST like my thio maki!!! and thats just like thia calliope!!! oh fuck that ones just like me"

all things considered i dont think greek representation is like the most important ever or anything, but its so rare to see greece acknowledged beyond ancient stuff or mythology, or maybe the occasional jab at eastern europe, that its just... fun to see yourself and your family a little bit on the tv. it doesnt really get into the super deep parts of the culture or anything like that but its fine bc its fun. i think most greek families (esp of diaspora) have bonded to this movie because theyre just like us for real. before this, i think the closest thing id seen to actual greek rep on tv was from an episode of the suite life on deck where it was mainly just an eastern europe stereotype 😭 abt being hairy and playing with pig guts as balloons and shit idk. i mean also true but in a way that comes off as more mean spirited lol. but even then i was excited just to see our flag on tv and remember pointing at it to my mom so i cant say it was the worst. but hey!

anyway i like my big fat greek wedding a lot, wanna see the 3rd sometime too but never got around to it. it just vibes and is fun. and again like i said before, greek rep wasnt the most important thing ever growing up (even if it is super cool to see and does make me very happy to have our culture acknowledged outside of ancients!) but it does make me understand why representation is important in a more general way and why it means so much to people. and i also understand that it can mean a whole lot more to people whove been historically treated way worse by media. like, lack of acknowledgement is one thing, but outright malicious stereotypes are another. i do get this with lgbt+ rep too but since i was lucky enough to be born in a time where its becoming the norm i also cant imagine how it must have seen so much worse and then live in a world where every cartoon has 2 girls kissing. its not perfect and often corporate but... also a good sign

sorry this post is super stream of consciousness so its probably all over the place but i think my general thoughts are that ppl who shit on a series for having any kind of representation they dislike (being "too progressive" or something) is not only an awful unsympathetic person but also like. on the flip side will never know the joy of seeing yourself like that. but i do realize it also comes with the tradeoff of not being seen to begin with so its not like its a net positive but... those ppl still wont know! they will not understand the true joys of "[country] mentioned!!!!" when the country is The United States Of America. the end

[billkaulitzwife]

can you please do hc for dating johnny? (sfw + nsfw) thank you!

Yall are tiring me out I HAVE SCHOO-

ofc, non!! tysm for the request, golden <33

Dating Johnny Cade. (SFW + NSFW)

WARNINGS!!

swearing, ed, cuts, sh, mentions of sêx, etc.

Now Playing: Rosemary

johnny is definitely a deftones guy.

SFW

He calls you doll, darlin, sunshine, baby, etc..

He's not much of a sexual guy, he loves romance

Johnny wouldn't trade you for the world

omg he smells like orange peels im js putting it out there.

The moment he finds out you're getting picked on or flirted with

theyre

dead.

meat.

he packs a punch.

like say bob was trying sum w u, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER

He's so lovable and sweet

he writes you notes on gum wrappers and sticks them in your locker

hes good at persuading the teachers to let him sit next to you

HE CALLS YOU BEAUTIFUL IN ITALIAN

JOHNNY IS SO SWEET

valentine's and ur birthday

he has money set aside for flowers

.

him and pony wld work at DQ together and you and dally would pull to the drivethru like

u and dallas: "YURR"

johnny: "hey, babe! 10.57 at the window."

dally: "i didnt even order yet"

johnny: "YALL ARE THE ONLY BITCHES COMING THRU MY DRIVE THRU AT 2:45 EVERY DAY SAYING "YURR""

.

Hes actually so sweet tho

Dallas keeps his eye on you

makes sure you're good enough for his son

im so serious when i say dallas would take you in as his child but u and his son are dating so thatd be weird

he'd definitely be all kissy and soft when hes tired

he believes communication is key unlike COUGHCOUGHMYEXCOUGHCOUGH

johnny is always by your side

even when ur pissing

hes outside the door

"can i hug you yet"

"JOHNATHAN MATTHEW CADE"

"sorry mi amor"

idk why but i think he'd hate pop and country

js like me fr

NSFW

when he bottoms he knows how bad you love his moans and whines so he lets them all out

hed 10/10 let you ride

and 10/10 wld smash

i mean he does both

when youre giving him head, this man tenses up so much and squirms

he doesnt like hurting you so he'll always thrust slow (at first).

if he ever found out you had an ed, he wouldn't be willing to do anything bc he wants you to be healthy

if you had sh scars, he wouldnt grab your wrists

hed be gentle on your thighs

he wouldnt grab your waist

he would hold your hand.

johnny would do anything to kiss you while fucking.

i swear on my life

he would beg you to kiss him

when you kiss his scar when shits heated

IT GETS SO MUH BETTER

1-10 wld u let him hit, answer in the comm-

this kid loves sloppy makeout sessions that turn out to be sex

like if saliva is all kinda running down your chins he'd get turned on

wait did i just fucking say he has a spit kink.

he def like hickeys

giving and receiving

he loves being called baby or something

anyways

guys im so tired. I LOVE YOU GOLDENS AND TY AGAIN NON!!🫶🫶

[gabessquishytum]

for the warprize hob au,

hob is a mercenary. he spent less than half a year as a soldier loyal to his king and country before being lured off by the promise of better pay and the oppourtunity to sleep in his own tent. He's done all kinds of dubious shady work for coin over his career without much remorse bc he can live more comfortably for longer stretches of time with that kind of pay. He really only goes to war when he absolutley NEEDS to, hes a hedonist first and foremost. Really, if hob thought he had the looks and temperment to make it as some rich bastards sex pet he would have snapped up that oppourtunity AGES ago. He doesnt care if the guy who hired him is a good fuck or attractive, or even really treats him like a person, as long as he gets a warm bed and delicious, hot meals.

Hob only makes escape attempts until he finds out dream doesnt intend to kill or maim him. as soon as the nightmare king makes his plans clear, more gloating his victory than anything, hob is like "okay thats chill w me" and settles down REAL FAST. he doesnt need to drug hob or really even chain him up. dream finds hob more than content to submit to his every depraved whim then cuddle and spend his free time curled up on a sunny couch eating fruit. dream is happy with this arrangement too, he finds he likes hob spoiled and slutty more than angry or afraid. honestly this is a best case scenerio for hob especially when dream starts to become fond of him instead of just thinking of him as a prisioner. theyre in a real relationship before long, secret to everybody both so hob can be a spy and kill people (for enrichment like you said) and also so they can have the most fucked up role play sex imaginable in public.

-🔪

This is perfect. I'm imagining a younger Hob picking his career and he's like :((( I wanted to be a whore but I'm not pretty enough, guess I'll be a solider or a mercenary instead. So he does it, and fortunately he gets kidnapped! Yay!

The food is amazing, the clothes are so pretty and the bed is huge - it is such a relief not to be in a tent anymore, honestly. And the King? He's possibly the most beautiful person Hob has ever seen.

Dream is quite confused by Hob’s attitude, but he much prefers having a willing pet than an unwilling one. Hob knows all kinds of tricks in bed, can make Dream see stars in a way that no one else ever has. Dream can't understand why nobody else has ever snapped Hob up before - he is pretty, although he never believes it when Dream tells him so.

Hob’s favourite thing in the world is to curl up in Dream’s lap, being hand fed delicate finger foods and given kisses in between. When people see him all snuggled and purring on Dream’s knee he has to quickly rearrange his expression and make a show of being desperately unhappy as a prisoner. The massive erection poking out through his silk robe is kind of a giveaway. But he can't help it!